#i dont know why i feel so horrible about some things

[mythalism]

i think what people need to understand is that no amount of essays assuring me of veilguard's strengths, of which i agree there are plenty, is going to change the fact that the emotional experience veilguard prompted within me (and for many others) while i played it was a deeply negative one. discomfort at best, painful at worst. im talking stomach aches. visceral, somatic creeping disappointment and dread that i tried to fight for hours and hours but eventually had no choice but to accept. i stopped wanting to play entirely around 30 hours. i felt vaguely ill. i felt anxious. i could not sleep for a few days. and im not saying i felt sick because it was so bad, but that i felt sick because of the sinking realization that i was about to be terribly, horribly disappointed after so, so long. you could call me dramatic and im sure someone will. idk what to tell you. my emotions manifest physically long before they become decipherable or understandable to me mentally, especially when they're 10 years in the making. probably an autism symptom. regardless, it was genuinely pretty awful, especially because i had immense good faith for this game. i was so hopeful and optimistic and generally thrilled and literally anyone who followed me before october 31 would know that. the emotional whiplash and crash was intense and devastating, and i was reeling for days. you cannot tell me that this experience was "wrong" or "toxic" due to it's negative nature. it was entirely involuntary and outside of my control, as i would expect many people's joy was. emotional reactions are not beholden to fandom discourse.

any post i have made criticizing the game since is attempt to make sense of the emotional roller-coaster of the past 10 years, this summer, and finally this game's release. i do not come on here and write out my criticisms of veilguard because i want YOU to dislike it too. the nature of my essays are not persuasive. if they do persuade you its just because i am a well-trained essayist. sorry. if they dont, great! that wasnt the point. i have no desire to change anyone's mind on the game, in fact i actually would not wish the disappointment i felt on anyone. the fact that i have a lot of followers who agree with what i say and who spread the thoughts i express across tumblr is literally out of my control. when i write out my long-winded criticisms, it is out of a need to express and externalize that sinking, cold feeling i had while playing, in pursuit of understanding exactly why playing that game felt that way to me. identifying, analyzing and verbalizing is the only way i have been able to process my experience. its confessional and therapeutic more than anything. it helps other people understand their own difficult emotional process with the game. its not an attempt to ruin your fun. my negative experience with veilguard does not invalidate anyone else's positive one.

i see so many posts acting like all criticism is an intentional, targeted hate campaign and i dont understand that assumption. to what ends? what would that achieve? why would i bother with such a thing? maybe that is some people's intention in the deep hater corners of this website, and im blissfully unaware. if it is, fuck them. its certainly the intention of annoying grifters, but i feel the distinction between transphobe grifters and devastated fans is pretty clear, so im not sure why the lines are deliberately blurred as if those groups are remotely similar. some of my criticisms come from a more objective place. the writing comes to mind, and it's a consistent criticism from thousands of players. but just because i consider it to be poorly executed, does not make it unlovable. and when i say that i think its poorly done, i am not saying that you cannot or should not love it, or that you are stupid for loving it. maybe someone out there is saying that!!! but i am not. things do not have to be perfect to be enjoyable. they dont even have to be well executed to be enjoyable. "i think x aspect of veilguard is poorly done for yz reasons" is a completely different sentence than "you should not like x aspect of veilguard for yz reasons". these are not the same statements. i see so many posts that are so vitriolic and acting like two experiences of this game cannot coexist, that one has to win and be objectively right, moralizing them on a false axis of positivity = good and negativity = bad, and acting like the existence of one negates the experience of the other. and why? why would that be true? i literally love so many things that other people think are absolute ass. i also love plenty of things that i myself think are actual ass. i love them anyway. this is allowed and really fun. i am not sure who told you that it is not.

however, i have just as much of a right to express my disappointment as you have to express your excitement. i am genuinely happy for everyone who loves the game, i am glad it resonated, or that you saw yourself in its characters, or that it just scratched your hyperfixation itch. but whatever je ne se quoi it had for you, it did not have for me. i have written out so much criticism about so many aspects of the game, but fundamentally what it comes down to and what i cannot express in words is that while i played after waiting 10 years for that moment, it felt wrong. it wasn't that i had specific expectations for game story that were not met, in fact, it exceeded my expectations in a lot of ways. i mean that in terms of how i felt, something was off. it did not resonate. it did not land. it did not hit the right cord with me. i did not have enough moments of joy to outweigh the feeling of emptiness. i did not walk away from it feeling the way that the previous games made me feel. and ive been trying to figure out exactly why that is for three months now by talking about it with people who feel similarly. i am not sure that i will ever be able to analyze my way into figuring it out. it might just have to simply be that it left me bereft.

and so my posts are not anti-veilguard hater propaganda to make you feel like shit for loving the game. rather, they are me verbally processing exactly why i feel like shit so i can hopefully stop feeling like shit. to assume that people who are trying to process these negative feelings are toxic and intentionally malicious is a projection made in bad faith. i love dragon age, and it is because i love it so much that it disappointed me, and it is because disappointed me that i have to verbally process it on tumblr.com so that i dont go absolutely insane. i tag my posts properly. i do not go into tags where i do not belong. i do not rage-bait. i am participating in post-partum dragon age therapy between me and my followers. if it ends up on your dash, sorry. my therapy is popular i guess. so please for the love of god enjoy the game, freely and enthusiastically. i am happy for you. i will sit here and be jealous that it spoke to something in your soul that it unfortunately did not speak to in mine, and nothing i say can take that away from you. please stop interpreting it as an attempt to.

[shippyo]

Here are my silly bibble aa response ,not mad either by the way,i feel your response interesting actually so ill explain more u my points:

- I have used Metagala as a mere example/comparison of what would be "a toxic origin for a ship" and that people love it just the same because it doesn't matter, after all, people have fun and you don't have to think about it, the same with metasusie, people who enjoy the ship know what's there and what's not, but it's not worth thinking about anything more fishy or weird stuff ,obviously there's nothing wrong with Metagala by the way, it's just that, if we get nickpicky about how "clean" a ship's origin is in order to "be able to be shipped" then as an example Metagala would also be a bad ship and it's one with a certain popularity, which is absurd because it has no relation, the ship is not bad because the origin or the characters have a toxic origin or bad actions, I don't know if my explanation is better understood this way

With the other characters I wasn't talking about other specific ships but rather, many characters from the franchise, not to say almost all of them who are friends of Kirby has done bad things, Susie included, but it just so happens that these are so loved and then she, well... No, when many of these have made reprehensible things, example of MK again, which seems silly to me too because in the end, then you couldn't ship anyone because "how bad all the characters are, it doesn't make sense" just like being nickpicky on whether a character has interacted more or not with x, a ship is to enjoy not to overthink that much on how you wanna make it work unless you want to add your lore or stuff on it.

- And that's precisely it, it's a very toxic way of bringing up the fandom, it's a way of pointing out the ship itself and treating it like something bad when it's not, no matter how much you want to overthink it.

You surely dont know but,in the past, there have been not only crazy discussions to the point of harassing people who liked the ship, obviously you DON'T want that, but bringing back these discussions doesn't help the fandom and only makes it toxic or prone to discussions that are unnecessary, because in fact, it's horrible to see/cathegorize a ship in such way, is like I don't know how to say it...., to vandalize it by putting it in such a horrible category when literally from what I always see, everyone does nice or funny things like any other ship? Surely there are some awful people, but that always happened with any ship in any fandom not exclusive with this one.

- What was already said in the text, people don't owe you an explanation, why do you ship what you like? Because you like it, you don't have to make a text to explain it to do it, you like it and that's it.

People don't ignore canon, they know canon, what they like is making Susie and exploring her character and meta knight too and how they relate to each other after those events, in a more redeemed way or not, but that's it, ur getting upset over nothing when the answer is simply because they want to and that's it, you worry a lot about something that's not going to bring you any benefit when you could be enjoying what you really like XD

- And you misinterpret it because saying that Robobot is about colonization and capitalism is a very vague way of talking about the real story it has when it's not its center nor does it have to do with the story as a focus.

The story of Susie's father and her, how a bad action caused by technology to search for something bigger in Star dream made Haltmann lose the most loved, his daughter being Susie, Susie is a victim of her father and technology and Haltmann in search of what he loved most became corrupted and went crazy to the point of not being able to recognize even his daughter when he finally has her in front of him, being represented by the corruption of capitalism and how rotten it is and how such actions harm others who never had to do with that conflict,capitalistim and the harm that it produces to the enviroment and its citicens are an addition to the story not the real focus.

Susie is NOT a villain, nor did she formulate the invasion, that was her father because he went from planet to planet doing that and Susie simply played the role of 'secretary', after all she does not have a magic power or anything to deal with being mechanized.

Does that make Susie an angel? No, of course not, but she is a redeemable character who has done bad things like any other,like hecc even in official comics of the planet robobot if you search for those the creators make susie an actual goober with some silly traits because thats what she really is

Guys, I really need to rant about Metasusie rn. Like, I don't dislike thoses who ship it, but I have such an absolutly visceral hatred for the ship itself my hands are literally trembling right now. If you dont wanna hear me rambling about how much I hate it, then just pass. Chances are I won't be very polite and organised.

So as time progresses I keep seeing more Metasusie. I feel like now's a great time to remind people why this ship is so controversial in the first place by explaining why I and so many others dislike it. Here I go...

Okay. First off. Why the heck would you ship two characters if the only thing we know ever happened beetween them is one of them at the very least ordering (possibly more) the other to be captured, modified and enslaved against his will, and the others time we see thgem together, he literally can't interact of his own because of that, while she is either about to force him to exterminate his own friend, or she is straight up presenting him like he's a non sentient toy she's about to sell ??? Along with fact that Susie calls MK an it in the second cutscene , and that the only time we ever see them interact in game (albeit possibly not canon) is him running away from her, and her chasing him ?! The fact that some people wiew that as a cool starter to a ramantic relationship is is worrying to me.

I feel like some people ship Metasusie out of spite, if that makes sense. They see a ship that's hated on a lot and they want to play devil's advocate. I understand, really (my own "devil" has black, torn off wings) . But even then you still have to consider what makes the devil hated in the first place. There's a lot of wrong in this ship you just can't ignore.

Most of the fans ship them for natural reasons ; because they look cute together, or because of their common points, and they usually just ignore the implications it has. This is understandable, again, but, if you want to ship those two in a cute way, you have to staight up rip away all the unethical stuff. To do that, you have to undermine Susie's terrible actions (or pretend it never happened), to make her cute, to ignore her character. In other words, you have to woobify her. For Meta Knight, it's no less bad, because he's a victim of mechanisation, like many others, and implying it was'nt that important is just kinda dumb (If that was the case, why would the Haltman company be the game's villains anyways ?) . When I say you can't ship those two in that way, I mean that you have to either mischaracterize them heavily, or retcon what happened beetween them to make it work.

That, or they're sometimes homophobes who want to latch on the first heterosexual ship they see. They make those two stereotypical depiction of both genders. Those, are the absolute worse, for obvious reasons, and albeit they're not the only ones who turn Meta Knight and Susie into people they're not, they always do it in the worst possible way : making MK a strong, masculine knight character who can't feel pain and Susie a cute, feminine and smart scientist who needs to be protected and can do no wrong, so the pink character and the blue character are the most gratingly stereotypic ship to ever exist. I see it often, wether intentional or not. It's so wrong and sexist in both way and is probably the worst iteration of the ship to ever exist. Men can feel pain and have trauma, and women can do fucked up things for fucked reason and be fucked up.

This ship has yet another infortunate message. The Haltmans are obviously a metaphor for colonialists. A colonialist having romantic relationship with a person who was colonised, is basically what this ship is. And if you know the slightest bit about that in history, you've probably understood why I feel so icky about this ship, knowing this is a possible comparison.

There's also those who ship one sided, fucked up Metasusie. This is maybe the one of the two only ways to ship those two without mischaracterisation, and the only one I actally like. Not only because I love angst, but also because it actually acknowledges that the slavery, the kidnapping, the mind control, the colonisation, all of that, is fucked up, and that it should'nt be a relationship. (My own interpretation of this, if it interest you, is that Susie has such horrible trauma with her father that she does'nt know what a healthy relationship is anymore. In the absence of her father, she goes to the only person she has a speck of admiration for, and thinks it's love. In her skewed idea of love, the partner has to follow blindly what she says and constantly be under her control, so when he resists, she just think he needs to be "tamed" more. Meanwhile, MK is traumatised and just wants to escape. Eventually she learns that it's more coping than loving and leaves him alone.)

Altough. Some of those people treat the ship, in its unhealthy form, as a good thing. To them Soos and MK are inhuman people who love by hating. But like, unheatlthy relationships are not a good thing. I only like toxic Metasusie if it's treated as a bad thing.

Finally, some shippers actually give both Susie and Meta Knight character arcs, where she comes to understand she is wrong and he learns how to forgive her/cope with his trauma. Not my cup of tea, but honestly, that's based. Altough I like it (moderatly), I just don't understand why you'd ship that over stuff like Metadedede, where the characters have an at least friendly relation in canon.

That was long, but in the end, if I can't understand fully why it's shipped, I can stand Metasusie if it acknowledge both character's flaws and and Susie's terrible actions. It does'nt happen often however, as most instances I see are sadly just idealised, woobified, mischaracterised versions of them randomly loving eachother without context. I won't (and can't) stop people from shipping them that way, but I'll keep being against it.

Wow, after this, I actually kinda feel better. I ended up being more polite than I thought, too. I guess I needed to get this out of my chest somehow...

[amberinn]

Starting to lose my Whit Young kinnie status in that way that i gaf

[ganondoodle]

(idk if anyone wants to keep hearing my opinions on totk book stuff but-)

apparently it says that rauru DID have kids, multiple even, which yeah... is kinda necessary for zelda to even be connected to them so much so that sonia can SENSE a blood connection (which, even with all the excuses with magic, is just a little too far for me to suspend my disbelief bc its over, OVER, ten thousand years worth of generations that seperate her from them that one lil touch of the hand can sense that (feels more like an attempt to make you care about them or .. see them as zeldas "better" parents just bc they exchange a few nice words, i never got the feeling they were 'better' parents and its also kinda disrespectful to her actual parents, like sure rhoam wasnt the best but i wouldnt call rauru better just bc he was polite)- i could see maybe the light power of hylia or sth but since its the coolest dude that ever lived rauru now that had it which still doesnt make sense and makes me unreasonably annoyed and she can sense BOTH of their powers in her? nah) the fact theres NOTHING about them in the game itself is just so ... no way they planned any of this

i dont think theres anything they can do or say that wont make be believe they either

are making it up alla 'fix it in post' mentality trying to hastily explain stuff the game never bothers to do to try and appease fans or let it appear as if they thought about it at all

something went really REALLY wrong during development, which kinda seems likely given how the game turned out (im sorry i cannot let go, its not just the writing, the game design too and how little was changed in the map while being so damn expensive, i dont know how people dont feel scammed q_q)

given that they (allegedly) spent the last entire year of development on polish (where??? where????? huh??? like it would make it more understandable (EXCEPT for the price) if there was alot of trouble, which was also bc it got delayed and ... turned out like this, but they dont want to say it, especially given their reputation, with that quote i have heard way too many times 'a delayed game blah blah') i just??

are they just gonna go and do it like they did with kashiwa (kass)? "they uuuh where flying around the whole time ony cool sonau tech maschines, you just dont see or hear from them ooooorrr they were uuuuh out of the country at the time" (sending invitations to other continents to join their glorious kingdom ;) )

(bet they are also gonna say they did all the stuff like ... moving the shrines around (lol?) and lifting the islands up into the sky- which is still weird bc ... didnt they also say they were living in the sky before coming to the surface?? so where?? did they park all their islands on the surface and the mystery kids had the keys so they had to repark them back into the sky after they returned off camera?? xD also why are the islands so different as an environment if they where from the surface? like even the STONE up there is different- and if they were first in the sky then on the surface and the nback in the sky .. why is there not a single yellow tree or grass in the past- you cant really argue that it changed bc they were up there so long bc .. nothing else changed, the suddendly and totally always there sonau buildings are largely in prime condition, only some slightly moldy, and what we see of the glorious past looks barely any different from the present, aside from like ... some standard trees shuffled, no castle yet and that glowy uwu filter DESPITE that stupidly long time frame between it)

[icewindandboringhorror]

boy in silly sitting positions compilation

[1goatman1]

I WILL TRY??? IM SO BAD AT ARTICULATING MY FEELINGS AND IM RUNNING ON NO SLEEP BUT HERE WE GO MY THOUGHTS ON FUUTA it got a bit long so. under the cut

the thing that drew me to him (and got me into milgram as a whole) in the first place was the fact that his songs go absolutely insanely hard. and theyre exactly my taste in music

hes an angry little guy and i am drawn to angry characters like a moth to a fucking flame, i have NO idea why, its facinating to me

hes red KJASDHFKJHASGDFKHJ my fav colour....

i think the fact that. i can SEE I CAN SO SEE HOW HE IS WHEN HES IN A GOOD MINDSET. because i dont think EVEN IN BRING IT ON hes in a good mindset i think hes in a not great place in bring it on he just doesnt really realise/acknowledge it. but i can SEE how he would be when happy and the fact we never really see that makes me insane

that paired with the fact that That Happens in trial 2 and we see him so broken and so so afraid which is SO unlike him hes usually hiding his fear behind 100 layers of anger like in his first voice drama it just did something to me and now i have like this primal urge to protect him KJHASGDFKJA

ive always been drawn to characters that deflect/bottle up like crazy

that being said hes also like a feral dog to me and he makes me a feral dog when i see him

he had ISSUES growing up with his parents (dad) which im normal over

HES A LITTLE BROTHER????? i go insane.

im repeating my points but he hides everything behind layers of anger because he thinks that makes him look stronger and it makes him FEEL tougher but really hes terrified

like hes an adult(not really) hes 20 and if i was like 15 when i got into milgram id be like yeah ok hes an adult hes a bit like. thats a weird way for an adult to act ngl even if i am a sucker for the angry characters. but the fact im HIS AGE puts him more as a kid in my eyes because lets be real 20 is still super young. and the whole. hiding his fear behind anger thting is just SUCH a child thing to do to me and i think that just makes me want to protect him MORE

that paired with the fact in the trial 2 interrogation he says the person he wants to see the most is his MOTHER???????? and iirc he says it using a really childish uhh dialect(? idk the word) im insane. hes just a boy in way over his head help me

he also says he just wants something to rely on AUUUUU I CAN HELP HIM I CAN MAKE HIM BETTER I JUST KNOW ITTTTT

my love for him is a healthy mix between wanting to protect/help him, relating to him just a little, and him just being like. if you got every character i ever liked and made the "perfect" character for me it would be fuuta SJFHGSAKDFGASJKD

all that being said i love love love how nice he becomes to mahiru after kotoko happens. trauma bonding frfr. im so excited (scared) to see his reaction to uh. That. in trial 3

WITH SHIDOU TOO i think T3 shidou + mahiru will break him a little bit which will just make me wanna help him even more

hes SO SO NICE BUT LIKE. DOESNT SHOW IT???? in t1 interrogation he says harukas young so he takes care of him (plus when he completely 180s on that in trial 2, AUGH im hurt), + what i just talked about with mahiru, hes really actually nice but he just. puts on a front so it doesnt look it.

i also think hes not actually THAT uhh aggressive with like. "people who do bad things are scum" i think he just played it up to fit in with his friends and then at some point he forgot he was playing it up if that makes sense.

playing off of THAT i have like 0 evidence for this but i know in my heart he didnt really have any friends at uni and when he started to kinda become friends with the group from bring it on he like changed himself to fit perfectly with them and it backfired horribly i just KNOW IT i have NO EVIDENCE but it HAPPENED TRUST ME . and that makes me insane also

anyways. im repeating the same points over and over so.

oh i think hes adorable too cant forget that. pretty boy

and he triggers my cuteness aggression like no one else does okay im done now JKHSGFDJKASDFA

Guys, please help me out, I wanna see something here!

If possible, can you guys tell me your favourite Milgram prisoners and list out all the reasons why you love love love love love them so much, as many and detailed as you can? (Appearance features that stand out to you; Personality; Character Quirks; etc etc. Everything you can think of!!!)

Thank you so much! 🙇✨

[opikiquu]

aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE

[designernishiki]

so I watched the show and like. I wasn’t as angry as I expected to be. because it was so incoherent and so not resemblant of yakuza that I couldn’t really latch onto something to be mad about. like it’s just. such a mess.

[asklesbianonceler]

I have not posted any of my analysis to reddit yet and I think I might just post it and ghost it. I've already spent too much time looking at other people's threads on there to feel any way good about interacting with folks.

I already went in an added the "I know you're going to bring this up let me save you the time" section which is exclusively touching on the frequent topics of:

"well what about the fingerprint nostrum and finger mimics? He is clearly just a crackpot"

And

"it's definitely some weird elaborate sacrifice to Metyr thing"

[jackass-jones]

Really into the episode of Ouran where this girl confesses her love to Mori but he doesn’t feel the same because he’s into Honey and the girl’s reaction is just like YIPPEE I LOVE YAOI THATS SO COOL FOR YOU YAY 🥰

[kitkatcadillac]

i have this situation where i love talking about the queer experience particularly in the gender way, as nebulously as possible, when it comes to some sort of broader view or Other People's Experiences making Sense to me

but when i try to kind of face my own gender and thoughts i get like. scared and embarrassed to just Say It, i always have. the they/them out for may/hem jokes are one thing, but talking about my own raw and varied experience of not fitting into the binary, no matter how much i completely respect, support, and cheer on others experiences with it, its so... embarrassing. i cant face my own body a lot of the time. i hardly want anything to do with any gender most of the time, but the rest of the world operates with it really quite forthwith, and like. you can only ignore it so hard, where you fit in, or where you DON'T. where you never hardly ever see anyone else feel quite the way you do, so you feel like you're fake and invalid or doing transgender wrong 😭 (everyone else is fine and right and in charge of their life courageously though)

constantly in a push and pull of relaxing and letting myself find and affirm my identity as i best can with where im at physically, mentally, but also feeling very isolated and even shut down or shunned. the world feels like a box that gets smaller while i feel like the box shouldnt even exist at all sometimes, like it isnt that hard to just keep open and treat it like its just as plain a fact as the grass is green the sky is blue instead of something to pick apart or criticize...

im queer but im queer wrong sometimes, socially. and since im queer wrong sometimes socially, my lived-experience being queer isnt really valid due to being contrarian and so i shouldnt have much to say or have any valid reflections of the experiences around me!!! <-(feelings not reality, but important feelings to be worked through and understood and soothed, which can be difficult when relating or socializing comes with a difficulty increaser!!!!)

[silverselfshippingchaos]

I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad 😭

[iwakuraz]

it'll all be okay because there's only one more day left in the school week and after that it'll be the weekend. wait no what do you mean after the weekend I'll just have to go back to school? what do you mean the cycle of going to school and coming back home completely worn out is gonna continue?

[frostedmelone]

There's so many people I've met on the internet through the years that are always so used to people being cruel or rude to them and when I'm nice they always say they love being around me but it just makes me so...... sad. Like everyone deserves someone who is genuinely kind to them and yeah joking around and being mean to your pals is fine when you respect boundaries but when it's a constant thing it just weirds me out. I love being nice to people. I love spreading kindness. What do you get from being a huge jackass to everyone, including people who you claim to be very close to? I dunno.

Everyone deserves to be loved by their friends!! It's one of my favorite things to make my friends smile and make them feel good about themselves. It feels like everyone is always so ready to put their friends down for a joke. I love lifting mine up!!! Maybe it's just me. But I am a lover at heart.

[cosmicrhetoric]

im undecided on how i feel about berserk cause on one hand some of it really hit hard and i like the main Question of god and fate etc. that the series is about but on the other hand man idk 😬. i do think the funniest possible outcome of me trying to read this is actually just playing dark souls instead

[featherymainffins]

Ough I fucking hate holidays because it is my duty as a child to visit my parents and just take whatever the fuck happens to me.