#but i hate communal breakfast stuff

[baekuras]

I am seated at the base of the mountain or whatever this oversized hill is classified as in a small room with thin walls, ooooooooold windows, right next to a church AND they removed the fridge previously instated in every room

lovely

i get to climb 15mins every morning for training that if it had gone unnoticed for 2 more months i’d never have to absolve anyway (: 6hours away from home (: in a small like...town with like 1 general store AND work saturday as well when i’ll come back friday around 10pm (:

yeah i’m pretty annoyed actually <3

[dragon-deez-ballz]

graaaa being weird in public sorry (on my own blog) teehee

[kiame-sama]

Humans Are Extinct (Yandere!TWST x Fem!Reader) Monster AU pt 15

(Painting done by @Sugar-sprinkles Thank you again for the fan art, I love it!)

Warnings; nightmares, comfort after nightmares, communal grooming, blood for the blood gods attitude, grudges, breakfast, let him cook, new technology, Dragon, Vampire Bat, Raiju, Cervitaur, Hellcat, Shinigami, Gnoll,

~~~~~~~~

The pleasant electric purple sky swirled above you, rolling with fluffy clouds of shadows bathed in pastels. Green fireflies surrounding you as you lay back on a vast blanket in some forgotten field that faced the setting sun at a wonderful angle to view. Delicate glass flowers swayed, the surface of the glass moving organically as if they were fluid.

Around you countless colors gleamed in the gentle light and warm rays of the red sun set. A soft warm breeze skated across your skin despite the fading light and lowering temperature heralding the arrival of night. Stars dotted in the darkening sky and you noticed the various colors they all seemed to have. Beautiful poisonous purples, handsome prideful golds, rosey blood reds, pearly selfish whites, royal electric greens, intelligent underworld blues, cunning clueless maroons. They danced and moved above you the same way the fireflies leaped around and hummed.

You know better than to be alone.

What?

Where's Malleus?

He didn't seem to be lying with you, or any of the hoard for that matter. Actually, where was everyone? You were well and truly alone in a field. This isn't your home. None of this is familiar.

The stars faded away suddenly, one by one flickering out of sight as the light of the sun faded to darkness. The woods on the edge of the field seemed so much closer now, whispering and moving shadows among the trees with glowing eyes that stared.

Only the light of the fireflies remained, eyes glowing a reflective green in the dark. A snarling growl splits the air followed by a howl from behind you. All around there is barks and flashes of teeth in the dark.

They drew closer as the fireflies dimmed. Your heart seizing as the light seemed to keep them at bay.

'Wait!'

Your voice was soundless as you tried to call to the fireflies to stay, trying to scream but unable to.

'Come back!'

The lights dimmed further as the Wolves circled round and gnashed their teeth. The largest and more scar covered one lunged as the fireflies went out.

All you heard was Grim crying out your name.

~•§•~

Eyes snapped open as you startled awake, a familiar pair of green eyes observing as you awoke. Malleus was watching you with a worried gaze in the dark room, his thin brows drawn together in concern as you somewhat struggled upon waking. You had been sharing a blanket with the Dragon when you fell asleep, so naturally it was the Dragon who woke you.

"You're safe, my Child of Man. It was just a dream."

You didn't realize you were crying until he used his thumb to wipe away your tears. In your chest, your heart beat frantically as you tried to understand where you were and what happened. Slowly you realized that you were safe in the nest with Malleus by your side. Lilia sat awake and watched you with a concerned gaze, his eyes fixed on how disoriented you were.

"Just a dream."

As you calmed somewhat from your fear, you were still disoriented from your nightmare and another almost irrational concern overcame you.

"Why do you never call me by my name?"

"What?"

"My name. You never say my name. Why do you hate it?"

"I don't-"

"Then why?"

Malleus seemed caught off guard by your sudden sensitivity to his usual way of addressing you, trying to calm you once more. When you didn't calm down and only teared up again he worriedly pulled you close to him, laying his wing over you and holding you against his chest. His tail curled over your side and held you close to the Dragon.

"I apologize, my- (Y/n). I didn't know it upset you."

His dark lips pressed against your forehead and the Dragon held you in place against his chest, "I won't call you 'Child of Man' again. I will only call you by your name."

"So you don't hate my name?"

"No. I don't hate your name."

Though Malleus was vaguely concerned how upset you were over what- to him- was an irrational worry of yours, he was content to soothe you. Whatever you had been dreaming about clearly upset you to your core and it fueled your almost hazed perception from interrupted rest. The Dragon was a decent enough source of comfort to you and it helped pull you back into the realm of sleep.

As you lay in his arms and slowly calmed, your eyes started to close again as your heart soothed to a soft lull in your chest. Malleus used his own magic to pull you faster into the arms of pleasant dreams, but you still mumbled out your concerns to the bemused Dragon.

"You don't hate me, right?"

"I don't think I could ever hate you, (Y/n)."

"And you won't leave me to those Wolves?"

"What Wolves?"

"The ones in my sleep... The ones that chase me when the fireflies go out."

Malleus paused, vaguely upset that you had clearly been having nightmares. It hurt him to know the Poachers that attacked you stalked you in your sleep. He could remove them from life, but to remove them from your dreams would be harder. Luckily for you, Malleus was adept at manipulating dreams.

"I won't let them get you. I promise."

You hummed, mostly back into that in-between state of awareness, your mind slowly slipping off into slumber. A faint green light met your eyelids as you fully succumbed back into rest, dreams now of a far more peaceful nature. The great Dragon remained by your side, in your dreams and out of them as he marveled at the soft feel of your figure laying in his embrace.

His greatest treasure.

"Malleus."

"Yes, Lilia?"

"You asked why I wasn't displeased you chose a short lived creature as your desired mate. That is because she doesn't have to live such a short life if you are willing to extend it. So long as you protect her, she can live as long as you do, and never succumb to age."

"How?"

"Let me teach you a valuable lesson, as it had been taught to me by your grandmother. Only a dragon can truly perfect it, but it means neither of us have to live in worry of her age taking her away."

~•§•~

You woke again with the usual hoard among you, Malleus still holding his position next to you and your nightmare long forgotten. It seemed to you that he was being more protective than usual and you worried for your own peace. The Dragon's behavior towards you was much more stringent due to your injury and your repeated exacerbation of that injury. He was now ensuring you healed, going as far as insisting on accompanying you, Silver, and Ortho for the day to make certain you didn't stand without help.

Luckily, you weren't going to classes today because it was the day the various representatives and scientists arrived to evaluate your wellbeing. The threat of being taken from your established norm in this world of madness unsettled you. Honestly, you had worked hard to create a sense of normalcy quite quickly given the circumstances and still you had very little time to relax without threat. Maybe today would be a good test of the bonds you had made.

Truth was, you were angry and upset and just trying to survive in a world built against you. Cater was a damned idiot for revealing you were at NRC and you paid the price for his lack of awareness and discretion. Leona threatened you and you knew even then that you didn't stand a genuine chance if you lashed out. You held your anger in well but you wanted to yell and snap at the tactless men around you that invited themselves into your space.

Even with all that rage, the brush with the Poachers taught you something important. As it was right now, you didn't stand a chance on your own in this world of beasts. In the beginning it felt like the Dragon took you in far too quickly, the rest in the Hoard following suit. The more time you spend among them the more you began to realize everyone in this world acted this way. This was normal to them. The strongest chose who they wanted and the others just had to accept it.

If there was a chance you could escape this world, it would be where you fell into it in the first place. You couldn't tell any of the monster men, however. Knowing what could await the Humans back in your world if the monsters ever knew how to get to them, it was better to try and slip away without any of them knowing. You figured your way home was probably linked to the Hall of Mirrors. The Hall of Mirrors was only in Night Raven College, however. If you got taken away, you would never have the chance to return home.

Malleus swore to help you relax before you were to meet the monsters that no doubt wanted to study you like a lab-rat. If Idia was right, one of them wanted to kill you as well. Your only chance in this world was to ensure the monsters that were fond of you stayed fond of you. That didn't seem too difficult a task, but that meant you needed to ensure you kept your temper contained so that safety net did not abandon you. On top of your health and safety, there was the health and safety of Grim. He needed your protection and you needed the protection of the monster men.

At least you made considerably strong allies. Two of the strongest in the world were enamored by you- one seeming more parental in his affections than the other- their associated allies would follow suit. You could bargain for more personal space later, for now you simply needed to cement yourself in place and keep those representatives from trying to take you. By all means, you were fighting for your chance to return to your true home and the simple chance to live where you could mostly trust those around you.

As the sun rose, the warm scent of breakfast foods caught your attention. No doubt the only other one capable of cooking- Papa Hades- was already up and making a meal to feed the many who seemed to now permanently live in your dorm with you. It was a relief to not have to be the one cooking and you were fairly content with allowing the Shinigami to cook for you.

Grim had moved from his usual spot atop Silver's back and had managed to squeeze into your arms, cuddled close to you. Maybe he also had a bad dream and sought out comfort from the one he saw as a parent. It was odd to you to have more information about the Hellcat, yet no actual answers to the questions you still held onto. If anything, at least you knew what Grim was and you were willing to bring him with you if you ever found a way back to your home. There was no way you would leave the kit alone in such a dangerous world.

Lilia was next to rouse as he stretched his wings, limbs extended as he yawned and his pink tongue flashed across his bat-nose. When he saw you were awake as well, he smiled and crawled through the nest to your side. He was quick to flop down next to you and gently lay a wing over your body. There was something comforting about the loose affectionate hold as the Vampire Bat hummed contently.

"Morning, (Y/n)."

The Bat almost purred his greeting, clearly happy to have any interaction with you. You absently reached up a hand, petting the soft hair of the Bat as he smiled and cuddled closer. He leaned into your touch as if your petting was akin to a massage.

"Aww, grooming me back? That's so sweet of you, (Y/n)."

"What?"

"Keeheehee, nothing, (Y/n). Be careful who you pet, some may take it as grooming, some may take it as flirting."

You almost wanted to stop petting the Bat when he said this, wondering which way he took the gentle affection. Given the fact he told you and gave warning, you figured he was in the grooming category. Especially when you recalled that he was always keen to participate in communal grooming with the other Hoard members.

"Is petting a part of grooming to you?"

"Yes, most take petting as grooming, which is a very social behavior. It's a good way you can show others you care about them. Be careful though, Harpies can take preening as a sign of romantic intentions. Both Silver and Sebek are quite fond of it, as is Malleus. I, clearly, like it a lot."

"So, you're saying I should pet the others in the Hoard to show them I'm thankful for them?"

"It certainly wouldn't be amiss. I'm sure Malleus would appreciate it quite a bit, he is fond of you, after all."

You turned from Lilia to Malleus who was still in deep sleep next to you. It seems unwise to startle the Dragon, but a very persistent part of you encouraged and pushed you to reach your hand up to rest atop the Dragon's head. When he didn't immediately wake at your touch you slowly began to pet his silky black hair, a soft almost purring noise slowly coming from Malleus as he began to rouse. One green eye opened to observe you gently petting his hair and the slightest of smiles pulled at the corner of his lips.

"Good morning, my (Y/n). Hopefully your sleep was more pleasant this time around?"

"No more nightmares, at least."

"Good. Were you waiting long for me to wake?"

"No, I woke up a bit ago. I think Silver and Sebek are still asleep though."

Malleus glanced to the other side of the nest, where Silver slept atop a pile of pillows, Sebek leaning his back up against the Cervitaur. Grim woke to your soft voices, yawning and stretching out his little paws and wings with a light purr. Almost as soon as he opened his eyes, you could hear his stomach growling.

"Hooman, is it breakfast time yet?"

"Yes, I think it is. Smells like it is, at least."

This made the little Hellcat stand up quickly, his tail lashing in excitement as he pulled at your fingers to try and get you up as well. Your laugh in response to his behavior woke the other occupants of the nest. Silver seemed somewhat groggy, but got up quickly as did Sebek.

"Do you want to dress first, or eat breakfast first, (Y/n)?"

"I want to get dressed first, maybe I can wear some of those clothes Vil, Rook, and professor Divus made for me."

"Alright."

The Reindeer Cervitaur dismounted from the nest, standing with his back in line with the edge of the nest so you could crawl onto him. Before you could move and potentially stress your injury, a black tail wrapped around you and lifted you from the bed. Lilia had already hopped off and dug through the now full dressers for an outfit for you. You somewhat didn't know if you could trust what the Vampire Bat chose for you, but the simple pants and flowy shirt seemed decent enough.

The solitude of your bathroom was a nice change from the herd of monster men, but once you had taken care of your morning routine and dressed, Silver carried you downstairs. Naturally, the rest of the Hoard followed suit as you all went to the waiting kitchen.

You were somewhat surprised to see the kitchen had been upgraded as well, noticing a few new electronics you had asked Idia to put together for you. Where there had once been a shabby industrial kitchen, you now saw upgraded ovens, stove-tops, fridges and even a self revolving pantry. What interested you the most was what looked like a large deep-fryer that seemed to be able to clean itself and remove the thick unheated oil without needing to be touched. The things you could now make with that fryer called to you and you resolved to spend a day cooking fried comfort food when your leg healed.

Provided you could stay in Night Raven College.

"Good morning, Little One."

The large and old Shinigami greeted you with a gentle smile, setting the- clearly new- table with plates, bowls, cups, and silverware. He had already placed the large bowls of food in the center of the table. At the head was a large chair- suitable to his own large form- and one large chair at the right hand side where Idia already sat. To the left of the large chair was a chair much more suited to you. Attached to it with its own small table, seemed to be a high-chair for Grim.

Ruggie was already present and whooping excitedly, cackling as he hopped in place to see past Ortho who was trying to stop the Gnoll from immediately digging in. You smiled and Silver helped you dismount, pulling the chair out for you to settle down at the taller than normal table before putting Grim in the high-chair next to you. Idia noticed the way you examined the table and smiled almost shyly at you.

"Don't worry, the table can be automatically adjusted for height. Just press the side buttons at the head of the table to make it shorter or taller. Figured you should have an actual place to sit and eat instead of that little scrub table you had before. I got a few of those things you wanted made and all hooked up. They should work properly, but tell me if they don't so I can tweak them."

"Thank you, Idia. Honestly, I'm amazed you got them done so quickly."

"Why? My main spec is technomancy, after all."

"Just impressed, is all."

A faint pink seemed to take over Idia's flame hair as the gems on his cheeks also burned a light magenta. His smile became an almost drunk grin as he showed off those sharp teeth of his, clearly pleased by your light praise.

"Well, if that's impressive, just wait till you see the heated blanket I've been working on for you. That'll really knock your socks off."

"I'm looking forward to it!"

Ortho sighed and let Ruggie rush forward to the food as he took his seat next to Idia at the table, serving his own plate. The Hoard and Papa Hades also sat down at the table, Malleus making a clear show of sitting next to you and Grim. Everyone seemed content to eat and lightly chat together, you switching between eating your food and getting more food for Grim.

"He will likely need a lot of food to grow properly," Papa Hades started, observing you and Grim with a gentle smile, "he is still very young. I am happy to lend aid where it is needed, if you would allow it. Seeing as you have many who eat among you at any time, it would be best to keep the cupboards well stocked."

"Careful," you warned with a happy smile, "I might take you up on that offer and you'll wind up feeding all of Night Raven College. I mean, you'll certainly be feeding me, Grim, and Ruggie, but I know a few others who would happily dig in if offered."

"I wouldn't offer if I didn't expect several more mouths to feed. Worry not, my kin and I hold a good portion of the wealth of Twisted Wonderland. It is not too burdensome to feed the many young that live here."

You smiled at this and Ruggie barked his agreement, still shoveling food into his mouth. Grim was purring and pulled your hand to him so you could continue feeding him, effectively ending the conversation as you let the small beast feast.

When everyone had finished eating, Ortho and Idia started clearing the table, leaving you and the others present to talk about the events that would take place. It was stressful, but you knew the conversation needed to be had, especially if you were going to catch the representative who hired the poachers.

"You will meet them in a panel type setting around lunchtime, your guards, the professors, and Headmage Crowley will be there. I will keep my presence concealed until I am needed should there be any threats from the representatives or scientists. Young Idia suggests you pushback against any representative who attempts to pressure you into speaking to them alone or accepting their judgement. If this traitor is as temperamental as we believe, they will reveal themselves quickly with any aggression or denial from you. Are you comfortable handling this?"

"So I just have to be a petulant brat to anyone who tries to speak for me instead of to me?"

"That is the idea."

"I can do that, I think."

The large Shinigami nodded, but it was Malleus who spoke next. His voice a deep rumble in his chest as he turned to you with an almost worried gaze.

"(Y/n), I know you likely don't want to hear this, but you need to know. The representative in question will likely be killed once others learn what they have done to threaten you. Depending on where they live, they may be in violation of laws previously put in place to protect Humans."

Your frowned at this, but not for the reason they believed. If anything, you wanted something awful to happen to whoever it was that hired the poachers to kill you. The poachers stabbed you, attacked you and Grim, on top of threatening to kill the both of you. There was no love lost in your heart for the orchestrator of this violence against you and your kit.

"You seem to think I'm going to just forgive them after everything they've done?"

"Well, given how you forgave Cater-"

"I haven't forgiven Cater in the slightest. Just because I didn't want him to be thrown into the forest does not mean I forgave his short sighted actions. The circumstances with Cater are different. I fully believe Cater genuinely didn't know and is just stupid, not thinking about lasting consequences despite general logic speaking to the contrary. He is not forgiven, I just didn't want to see him hurt on my behalf. This poacher wannabe, however, is not someone I care to protect. No, I want this fucker's blood to stain the floor."

Malleus seemed surprised at your anger towards this mystery monster, but he didn't really blame you for your anger. If anything, the only two out of your tablemates who did not seem particularly shocked at your aggression and rage were Lilia and Papa Hades.

"This... seems out of character for you, (Y/n), are you sure you're feeling well?"

"I personally feel just fine. What I don't feel fine with is the fact that this butt-hurt waste of space knowingly dared to put Grim- My Boy- in direct danger to line their own pockets. That I can't forgive or forget. I'll even do it myself if you all refuse to. I don't care what their social standing is or how hard I have to try to kill them, target my boy and forfeit your life. I feel the same for any poachers who are looking to kill or otherwise use me for their own gain. Neither Grim nor I are pets, trophies, or playthings. Anyone who thinks we are needs a reality check."

It was then Lilia spoke up, setting down his flute of tomato-juice next to his plate. His voice was almost giddy in comparison to your own less than amused tone.

"Don't be so surprised, Malleus. I've told you and others before how Humans are about their young. Even the nicest Humans would be out for blood if you dare harm their young. Little Grimmy is (Y/n)'s boy, her kit, and I would expect her to hate anyone that threatens him."

The Bat almost seemed to exchange words silently with the Dragon after his statement, Malleus conceeding with a nod.

"Alright. But let one of us handle them, okay? I understand you are angry, but you have no weapons to your name and I am unsure you have any weapon training. If we need to kill them due to violence towards you, I would rather it be done quickly and without harm to you. Is that amenable?"

"Fine, but after this, one of you is teaching me how to wield a sword or a dagger."

[hellishjoel]

dark paradise 

5.2k / pairing: dbf/neighbor!joel x f!reader

Series Masterlist l Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

pt. 1 pt. 2 pt. 3 pt. 4

summary: Your mind is flooded with the memories of your private time with Joel in his woodshed, but he hasn't reached out to you since the bonfire and it's been a week. You go next door to give him a piece of your mind.

warnings/information: MA 18+ (minors DNI), no outbreak, smut, age gap (reader is in her early 20’s, Joel in his 40’s), dbf/neighbor!joel, semi-public sex, oral (f receiving), fingering, pet names, praise, Joel being a horrible communicator and texter

A/N: I edited this 12+ times and kept changing stuff, so therefore there’s probably mistakes. There’s your one and only warning lol. I’m so excited you guys are eating up the first part (off to the races), I hope the next parts to come keep ya’ll entertained ;)

“Joel-” You clenched your eyes closed. “Outside? Are you serious?” Your scolded whispers were useless. Now that Joel knew you had these needs, he wasn’t going to let you be underserved.  He perched one of your legs over his shoulder, the other spread to the side and held open by the warm palm of his hand. You could feel his hot breath on your inner thighs, your walls fluttering as he came closer and closer to your core with each kiss to the exposed skin.  “On the tailgate, Joel?” You whimpered, a flash of concern passing over your face.  “I know how much you love the truck, baby.” Son of a bitch.

Time seemed to slow after your interaction with Joel in his woodshed. The days following the bonfire were filled with excitement but quickly followed by dread and anxiety. It had been a week. 

No text, no calls, no anything.

It wasn’t that serious. It was just Joel. Besides, you had a vibrator to fill the void until he finally decided to reach out to you. Whenever that may be. 

Days one and two were the most riveting. Every time you thought of Joel, your heart raced a little faster. You didn’t have a long list of sexual endeavors, so this was still noteworthy. Giving head to your hot forty-year-old neighbor. You wondered what else would come from it. More importantly, when. 

Days three and four felt routine and mundane. After picking around your breakfast and staring out the window to Joel’s empty driveway, you would wander to your back porch to read a book on the dock. 

You were lucky to catch glimpses of Sarah. Her summer was busy with her friends from school and working a part-time job to afford having fun the summer before her senior year. If she was free, you guys would jump in the lake, sit on the dock together, tell stories, and catch up on everything that was happening in each other’s lives. Well, not everything.  

Days five and six were torture. Your vibrator had died from its excessive use, and your fingers weren’t cutting it. You wanted Joel, you needed Joel. You hated to admit it, especially since he hadn’t paid a singular ounce of attention to you since the bonfire last Saturday. Even worse, after deciding to watch Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron with your family during a movie night, you started thinking even the horse was kind of attractive. 

Day seven started with your room covered in a pale blue light. You didn’t know what time it was. You weren’t sure how much you slept, but you knew it was very little. This ache was pestering your insides, spreading a rot like an old tree log. Your mind couldn’t fade away from the way Joel felt inside your mouth, the way he filled your throat, and you breathed through the choke. Or the way he finished on your face and your tongue.  

Your well-painted memory of it all was already beginning to fade. The details weren’t as crisp, you wanted to remember every detail and hold on to it for as long as possible.  

That’s what you were trying to imagine at this ungodly early morning hour. The birds weren’t even chirping outside yet. Your fan slowly circled, trying to cool you off from the sticky Texas heat. You wished your windows weren’t jammed closed.

You heard a thud outside, your body alert as you swiftly sat up and peeked out the window. 

Despite it being a Saturday, you watched a tired and slow Joel walk out to his old pickup truck and toss a brown bag lunch inside. Where was he off to so early?

He was wearing his chunky worn-in work boots, splattered with drops of white paint stained into the leather by the steel toe. They were heavy with each step he took on his rickety wooden deck. His faded dark blue jeans sat snug on his hips with his wallet stuffed in the back pocket. His dark hair dashed with silver grays was still damp from his morning shower.  

You watched behind foggy glass as he patted down his jeans and mumbled something, swiftly turning on his heel and lightly jogging up his steps before disappearing inside again. 

Seeing him after a week of silence bubbled up a hint of anger and annoyance in you. It annoyed you that he looked so good. 

Your feet found their way onto cold hardwood before you could waste another second. You would give him a piece of your mind in fuzzy slippers and an oversized rusty-orange Texas Longhorns t-shirt that was so draped over you that it covered your black sleep shorts. 

You tiredly navigated your way out of your room quietly, not to wake your parents down the hall. You crossed your arms and hugged them to your body, the early morning chill hitting you once you were outside. You crossed your driveway to his truck, slowing once you reached his perched-down tailgate. Joel had resurged from his house with his truck keys in hand, his steps slowing once you two shared eye contact.

You’d be standing here all day if you expected Joel to speak first. 

“Hey.” 

He gave you a small nod, his eyes dropping to the shirt that reached the tops of your thighs before they managed their way back up to your face. “Mornin’.” 

He closed the gap between his porch steps and his tailgate, setting down his toolbelt and box in the bed. He looked rigid, tight in the shoulders and chest. His close proximity made you step a few paces back, the length of the tailgate separating you from Joel. 

You were afraid that if he stood too close, he might feel how badly you wanted him by radiation alone. Especially now, fresh out of the shower, half-wet curls plastered to his forehead, still smelling a little musky with his body wash.

You finally let out an aggravated sigh, hip landing against the tailgate with your arms still crossed. 

“So… where are you going this early on a Saturday?” Your face still held a slightly pinched expression though you tried to ask a casual question. 

Your curiosity made the left side of his mouth tick up in a lopsided little smirk. 

“You wanna tell me the real reason you came over here?” Joel’s tactics were ruthless. It made you feel small, young. But you weren’t, not anymore. 

You took in a sharp breath through your nose, eyes on his as your head fell to the side. Finally, the ticking time bomb inside you was counting down. All of your pent-up sexual frustration would be launched at this lumberjack of a man. 

“You haven’t texted me.” 

“Christ,” he muttered, annoyance passing over his face. “Sun’s not even up yet.” 

“Joel.” You pushed. 

“Haven’t texted you in a few years.” He said lamely. 

“I know, the last thing I have from you is asking me what you think my dad would like for a birthday present.”

“I value your input.” His teasing didn’t make you any less angry. Joel could tell. “I don’t text anyone much besides Sarah. ‘ts the only way I can get ahold of her. Don’t even remember I own a phone half the time.” 

“I know.” Your arms crossed tighter around your body. “But I have… needs.” Your voice awkwardly teetered as you evaded his eye contact.

“Needs? Do ya, now?” Joel’s accent came out swinging, his signature smirky-smile working in combination with his cocked up eyebrow. But your face held evidence of your disappointment. 

There’s a gentle lull. He should have texted you, and you shouldn’t be here telling him that. He knows. Or maybe you shouldn’t expect so much from a guy like Joel. No wedding ring, brooding, a bull with horns, Joel. Wouldn’t know it was his birthday without Sarah reminding him, Joel. Wouldn’t leave the house if he didn’t have to, Joel. Wouldn’t think to text his horny neighbor next door, Joel. 

“Didn’t text me either, sweetheart.” He points out, making your head snap up with wide doe eyes. Shit. He was right. 

You didn’t text him, either. You were just sort of expecting it out of him. You hoped he would lead the way, be the guide, reach out wanting more. But that wasn’t Joel. Were you both playing this devilish waiting game? You felt a little silly, your insides wrapping in knots as he surveyed you. 

“Well I-”

“You what?” 

He was the one grilling into you now. The sun began cresting over the water, bleaching your surroundings in a pale orange. The sun’s glare caused Joel’s eyes to squint slightly to block it out. 

You rolled your head to the side and wiggled around as you tried to stand still against his tailgate. Your frustrations were evident as you rubbed your crossed legs together. 

This wasn’t the same girl who took a leap of faith in his woodshed, who crossed the boundary between nothing to something, and set you and Joel up for a thrilling summer. You just wanted him to tell you that he wanted it too. To fuck around and do something different. Make this summer worth a damn. 

“I didn’t know if you wanted more.” You finally muster up, your voice smaller than you intended, shifty eyes looking over his. 

Your statement made him scoff, having to look away from you with a wicked smile. The orange luminescence of the sun warmed his otherwise cold face. He was amused, maybe even a little offended by your statement. 

“‘Course I want more.” He strained before pausing, his voice lowering as he took another step closer. “Look at you. Wearin�� my shirt.” He said before he towered over you, making the first point of contact as his hand reached for your hip and pulled you in closer, his fist clutching the worn-in orange t-shirt. 

You blinked a few times before looking down where he fisted the material. Shit. He was right again. 

Joel had given this to you the last summer you were in Danbury. You and Sarah took a late-night dip in the lake, and she wanted you to sleep over and watch a movie in the basement. You were too lazy to walk back home and change, so Joel gave you a towel and his Longhorns t-shirt.

You easily could have snagged a shirt from Sarah’s closet, but Joel caught you sneaking into his house and dripping water everywhere.

“Just take this. Go dry off. Get warmed up.” A statement laced with annoyance and precaution for his floors, but also attentive care. 

It was probably supposed to be just for the night, but you stole it. 

You remember that evening vividly. It was the first time you fantasized about Joel. Because the shirt wrapped you up and smelled of his musk and deodorant. It brought on a certain warm fuzziness in your tummy. The shirt had been incorporated so much in your wardrobe these last two years or so, you had forgotten its origin. But it was Joel’s.

And now you were standing here in front of him, his shirt draped over your body like an oversized blanket, showing the curves of your tits. He was fantasizing about you too. Fucking you while wearing his shirt.

There was an undeniable tension that now settled between the two of you, one you surely couldn’t satisfy in his driveway. But that didn’t mean Joel didn’t feel the same way. 

His hold on your hip tightened, your lips parting in surprise as his other hand came to your waist and hoisted you up onto the tailgate of his truck. 

He was hot, possessive of your body wrapped in his shirt. 

“Does it look like I don’t want you?” Joel’s voice was husky, lust filled. You liked getting this sort of reaction out of him. His question caused an ache in you, white heat pooling in the base of your stomach. 

Your neediness for him returned. Addicted to his touch, you felt a rush of adrenaline pulse through your body. Joel parted your legs with his body by standing between them, your little fists gripping his large biceps as you tried to regain your bearings. He was so big and burly, wide set shoulders, and a toned chest. You wanted to see him shirtless, examine his body when your time together wasn’t so limited. 

“Joel,” his name dripped off your lips with desperation, sweet like honey. He knew how you said his name when you wanted him. It brought back vivid memories of you kneeling in front of him in his woodshed.

Comfort brought you back, knowing it was safe to lean in and start kissing his stubbled neck. You didn’t want to kiss his lips, it still felt too intimate. Joel picked up on your hesitations and silently obeyed. 

Once you got to the base of his neck by the collar of his shirt, he let out a surprisingly loud grunt that he tried to jam down into silence but had failed. It caught you off guard, the ways he displayed his pleasure.

You moved back in, eager to duplicate the noise as you paid special attention to his sweet spot. You suckled and glided your teeth over the pinpoint before he forced himself away. 

“Keep it below the collar, sweetheart.” His twangy southern drawl was drenched in pleasure.

You smirked as you tugged at the collar gently with your teeth, letting it go and seeing it snap back into place around his tan neck. 

His lips found the crook of your jawline, his lips brushing your earlobe as he took it between his teeth and gently nibbled. The sensation struck a nerve down your center, a weak whine echoing against the collar of his shirt as you tried to stay quiet. 

The air had warmed up with the sun’s presence, the birds starting to chirp. Your parents could wake up any minute now, being the early risers they were. 

You pulled away to gauge his reaction. Joel was looking between you and the horizon carefully. He was debating. You both had so little time. 

“Your parents.” He pointed out, his voice ridged with pain as he planted his body between yours, his large palms splayed on your lower back and upper thigh with his fingers ghosting your sleep shorts.

“Work.” You reminded, lightly tugging on the sleeve of his shirt, fingers delicately brushing over the faded Miller Contracting logo on his breast pocket. 

You’re compelled to tell him that you need him. Because you do. You need him terribly. 

There was a silence, a deliberation of the masses. Stop while you’re ahead, at least you and Joel realized you were on the same page about wanting more. You could let him go, you should let him go. Meet up another time when it was less risky. 

“You’re not pulling away.” Your whisper broke his thoughts. Your long lashes fluttered, and your eyes were filled with an eagerness only Joel could satisfy. 

He rolled his head around, jaw tight before shaking his head. 

“Well, you have needs.” His words were filled with grit, promise. Be quick. 

Your arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, feeling the planes of his back under your small palms. Both of Joel’s big hands moved under your t-shirt, your lips parting at the feeling of his calloused and rough hands traversing your soft body. He liked how soft you were, you could tell by the way he was delicately exploring you with his lips plastered on your neck. 

“Fuck, Joel,” you whisper, grinding your hips against his desperately while one of your hands wound into the damp curls at the base of his neck. He could use a haircut soon, the longer strands winding around your fingers.

His body loomed so much over you that you were arching your spine, your legs desperately wrapping loose around his waist until he had sufficiently guided you onto your back. 

Suddenly his presence lifted. You didn’t realize you were seeing stars until he pulled away. He had way too much of an effect on you. 

“Don’t have time to fuck you right, pretty girl.” His words made you puff out a desperate sigh. 

“But-” 

“But you have needs.” He finished for you, your head feverishly nodding. The truck bed had odd ribs, half your back raised up an inch while your other half was on a little slant. It was uncomfortable to lay your head down on. Once Joel was tugging down your sleep shorts, you were quick to forget the discomfort. 

A heavy breath left you as Joel tossed your shorts over his tool belt in the truck bed beside you, feeling him pull your body closer to the edge of the truck bed with your legs pried open for him. 

Your eyes widened as he sunk to the ground, jaw dropping as your eyes looked to the sky. Holy shit.

“Joel-” You clenched your eyes closed. “Outside? Are you serious?” Your scolded whispers were useless. Now that Joel knew you had these needs, he wasn’t going to let you be underserved. 

He perched one of your legs over his shoulder, the other spread to the side and held open by the warm palm of his hand. You could feel his hot breath on your inner thighs, your walls fluttering as he came closer and closer to your core with each kiss to the exposed skin. 

“On the tailgate, Joel?” You whimpered, a flash of concern passing over your face. 

“I know how much you love the truck, baby.” Son of a bitch. 

You wished every second with him right now wasn’t fleeting. You wished he could take his time. But the both of you were so wound up anyway, you were happy just to have him be a guest between your legs. 

Joel’s beard stubble tickled your thighs, his warm lips leaving a wet trail to your cotton underwear. Your hands needed to stay busy, one planting itself against one of the ribs of the truck bed and the other fisting his toolbelt that adorned a Carhartt patch. 

Joel’s mouth was absent for a moment. He was admiring you. Admiring you with your legs spread for him in his Longhorns shirt that was several sizes too big on you. Heat chased through your body, a sly little smirk on your lips. 

“Time is of the essence, Joel.” 

He didn’t say anything back. He was staring at the wet spot that had formed through the material of your panties. He hummed, cocky satisfaction filling him to the brim. 

Joel placed an excruciatingly soft kiss over your covered mound that had you writhing under him eagerly. His palm planted your thigh down again, feeling you quiver under his hold. 

You swallowed a lump down your throat as he pulled your underwear to the side, out of his fucking way. He was seeing you for the first time. It made your chest heave with shakier breaths. 

You were glistening for him, wet and gleaming in the sunshine that was starting to dance across the lake and over the truck. Panic flooded your core. He was taking his damn time. You needed him now. 

“Joel-” you warned again, but it was too late. 

His nose nuzzled against your clit as he flattened his tongue and licked up your center, tasting you properly. Your head dug into the truck bed, a loose moan leaving your parted lips as you closed your eyes and experienced a sweet paradise. His tongue flooded you with his saliva, Joel’s taste buds in galore as he tried you for the first time. 

You wondered if he thought about you tasting you like this before. The thought as well as his head between your legs left you humming in appreciation. 

Your free hand found its purpose, nestling your fingers into Joel’s hair while his head made gentle nods against your core. His jaw was slack, mouth lodged open as he consumed your sex in its entirety. He didn’t leave one centimeter of you unmarked. He commandeered the landscape like it was his territory, his possession. 

Puffs of his name left your mouth, you couldn’t help but be vocal when he made you feel this good. 

Joel’s tongue moved now with purpose, precision. He lapped at your entrance, tongue dipping in to feel your tight walls before moving back up and around your swollen clit. He was discovering you, what made you tick, what made you burn with passion and lust.

You held back moans of his name, bringing Joel’s shirt you wore up into your mouth by the collar to bite down onto. Your muffles were concealed by the material for now. 

You ground your hips lightly into his face, finding a rhythm you liked. He lets you. He wants you to feel good. 

Thumps of your heart pounded against your chest, Joel’s tongue still working perfect circles and swipes at your clit. He pulled away just for a moment to wet his fingers, you watch through hooded eyes. His amber ones flick to yours. Can I?

 You nod your head, a silent and desperate yes. 

He pursed his lips, face pierced with concentration as he pushed his middle finger into you, your walls welcoming the intrusion with a flood of arousal to allow him deeper. You took in a shaky gasp as he filled you to the knuckle.

“Fuckk-” you said a little too loud, your eyes widening as you covered your mouth and got a well-deserved glare from Joel. 

“Can’t hold yourself together, can ya, pretty girl?” His voice was as rough as gravel. 

You couldn’t even answer him back, the threads that held together your integrity were slowly plucking loose.  

You whimpered like crazy, the shirt swallowing as much of the noise as it could, but the rhythm of his finger and his mouth returning to your clit was sending electric currents through your entire body. You were short-circuiting with Joel’s tongue and fingers playing with your pussy. 

Joel’s mouth was warm, the taste of you a new hunger for him. You could hear his jeans scuff against the ground. He was trying to hold himself steady. The realization made you throw your head back, losing the shirt as a vice as you gripped his strands tighter between your knuckles. 

“Fuck, Joel--, ohmygod-” you whimpered quietly. The slurping of your cunt was louder than your words. The noise felt so loud in your pounding ear drums, you were worried it would wake the neighbors. The neighbors being your parents and Joel’s daughter.

You were close, even with just one of his fingers inside of you, you were close. You 

weren’t sure if it was because of your pent-up sexual tension, your vibrator dying, or your fingers not doing you justice. Maybe it was the fact that it was Joel Miller, but you were holding onto a very thin rope on the verge of snapping. 

You pulled your shirt up, releasing his toolbelt as your hand fondled your tits. You could feel him smirk against your thighs as you pinched at your hardened round nipples. 

“Such a pretty girl.. Taste so fuckin’ good too.” His words reverberate against your core, the vibrations tickling your clit and making you whine his name. His compliment caused a certain warmth in your chest.

Your head lulled from side to side. He wasn’t letting you know peace once he added a second finger. You had to take a moment to adjust but Joel could feel it, he knew exactly what to do and when. He was so seasoned, experienced, he’d be the first guy to make you cum like this. 

Your thigh against his head clenched tighter around his shoulder, keeping him in close against your core as he continued to work his tongue in figure eights around your clit. The soothing circles were creating a harmonious rhythm, your stomach felt like it was going to fall through a trapdoor. You weren’t going to last much longer. 

Then he tried something new. 

A loud gasp left your lips, your body scraping its way to sit up on your elbows as you watched him nibble and suckle at your clit. Your elbow had nicked his exposed flathead screwdriver in the process, a hiss seething from your mouth. It didn’t matter now. All your mind could focus on was Joel and his hellish tongue. 

The suckling at your clit unlocked something undiscovered, your lips parting in fascination before your head fell back and landed on the tops of your shoulders as you looked to the heavens with blurry vision. 

A lazy smirk was plastered on your face as he held you in place. You weren’t going anywhere.

Heated pants left your mouth, unable to breathe with the new sensation. The sucking was a distinct sensation, one you liked. You could feel his teeth just lightly grazing your sensitive bud. It made your thighs twitch, and your walls flutter around his still pumping fingers. 

Joel’s digits moved gently with their thrust, a gasp of his name flooding the air as he curled them deep, massaging your spongy walls. 

You were breathless. You could barely muster up anything besides his name weakly on your lips. You tried to tell him, but it was already too late. 

“J-Joel I’m-- I’m cominggg, shit,” you moaned out a little too loud. The whole valley around you echoed, or so it seemed. Joel’s protective grip tightened, your hips convulsing as you came over his tongue. He fucking loved it. He held you there and took you for everything you were worth.

You dropped to your back once more, his fingers still working a slow rhythm that he was insistent on not breaking until your walls stopped fluttering around his knuckles. You were still trying to come down to Earth when he licked you clean, your body twitching every time he flicked his tongue against your throbbing clit on purpose. Fucking asshole. 

Your hold on his hair loosens. You can’t help but make a face at the sight of him. Wild curly locks, mouth and chin covered in your slick, slightly flushed cheeks. He looked just as fucked as you did. He looked submissive on his knees, his eyes gleaming as he looked to you. 

You watch with obsession as he mindlessly pops his two fingers past his lips, licking them clean of your slick. Such a compliment. 

He guided your leg off his shoulder and put your underwear back in its place. 

You leaned up on your elbows, still seeing stars. Joel stood up from the ground and brushed any residual dirt and dust off his jeans. He brought his hand up and toyed with his jaw, meaty fingers adding pressure into the masseter muscle as he worked to relieve the tension that had built while going down on you with such dedication. 

You weakly sat up, the slotted ribs of his truck bed making indents in the flesh of your arms and thighs. Brands of your filth. Your big shirt fell back into place, your legs swinging lightly as they hung off the truck bed. You glanced at the back of your arm, seeing the scrape from his tools. You’d be fine. 

Once you turned straight to face Joel once more, you noticed he was fighting back a little smile about something, his hands on his hips and his knee cocked out.

“What?” You ask, trying to scoot further down the tailgate. 

“Nothin’.” He said gruffly, taking you by your hips and lifting you with ease like a ragdoll back onto the ground. His eyes stayed on the floor, your curious gaze following his down to your fluffy slippers. 

“Oh.” You muster up, clicking the toes together. 

“They’re uh… cute.” He tried to compliment, still with a teasing smirk on his face. 

“Shut up. They’re slippers.” You griped, your hand coming up to wipe away the glisten on his chin. He took over, pinching the collar of his shirt between his fingers and bringing it up to wipe away what was left of you. It was oddly attractive. 

He reached past his toolbox and belt, handing over your black sleep shorts after feeling over the material for a moment with a swipe of his thumb. 

You muster up a thanks, looping one foot in and then the other before you adjusted the band around your waist, the orange t-shirt falling back into place at your thighs. 

You couldn’t help but look around, the serenity of the early morning hours would only last so long on the lake. People liked to walk their dogs and jog, you didn’t want anyone reporting gossip. 

You turned back to Joel and assessed him. The Texas sun was already making both of your skin swelter, despite it being just past sunrise. 

You took in a sharp breath to say something, pursing your lips to keep them shut. Joel looked at you expectantly. 

“What?”

You shook your head and shrugged, holding your hands behind your back as you teetered on your feet. 

A stern expression passed over his face. “What?” He pressed harder. 

You tried to smother a laugh. “Your hair, Joel.” 

With an annoyed sigh, Joel amused trying to tousle his curls into place with the assistance of his truck’s driver-side mirror, grumbling a few curse words in response before leaving it be. 

You admire him, how handsome he looks so effortlessly. You suddenly became glaringly aware of how you looked right now. No makeup, baggy clothes, could use a shower. Fuck. 

“I gotta get goin’, already late.” Joel said as he returned  to the tailgate, lifting it with ease and slamming it into place with a few sharp snaps. “I’ll see you. And I’ll message you.” 

A small smile ticked at one half of your mouth, nodding. It was a promise. “Please call it texting, Joel.” 

He furrowed his brows as he looked over your face. “What difference does it make?”

You snickered and shrugged. “How old you sound.” 

Cue the classic Joel Miller eye roll. “Fine. Textin’.”

“How can you be working on a Saturday? That feels illegal.” 

This mustered up a short little chortle from Joel. “It’s not technically working, that’s why.” 

Your head curiously tilted to the side. “What do you mean?”

Joel shrugged, avoiding your eye contact as he looked past his truck and to the lake. 

This was what you had to deal with. Trying to get information out of Joel was an investigative effort, one you didn’t have the energy to dig into at the moment. You finally felt tired after your week of restlessness. 

You waved each other off, your face electric as you turned away from Joel and snuck back inside without a peep. As soon as you lay back in bed, feeling your heart thumping after your meet-up with Joel, you heard the door to your parent’s room crack open, and your father’s obnoxious morning yawn followed accordingly. Couldn’t have cut it any closer.

Finally, you felt sleep caressing the edges of your mind. Not a beat after your head hit the pillow, you felt your phone vibrate beside you. With hazy eyes, you turned it over in your palm and squinted at the brightness. 

joel miller Anything I can do to get in your good graces again?

You instantly smiled, lazy fingers typing a response. 

how about a movie night? 

He took a moment to respond. You could see him thinking it over in your mind’s eye. 

joel miller Fine. 

Your face lit up as you quickly took advantage of him owing you one. 

and I can pick the movie?

You could practically feel Joel’s eye roll from a mile away. 

joel miller Jesus. Fine. Tomorrow night. 

Tomorrow was perfect. Sarah said she would be on a camping trip and your parents would be visiting old school friends in a neighboring town for drinks and dinner. 

tomorrow night it is, mr. miller 

joel miller Whatever you say sweetheart.

---

wanna read part 3? read cherry!

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[supernovafics]

Absolutely loving the I’ll be there for you universe not sure if you’re taking requests but I’d absolutely love to see reader getting jealous over Steve bring a girl back to their apartment 💗

𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐀 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆

"i'll be there for you" universe masterlist

pairing: bestfriend!roommate!steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 2.8k words

warnings: (slightly)jealous!reader, explicit language, angst, soft(ish) ending

summary: in which a night that was already pretty shitty turns even worse when steve brings his date back to the apartment

author's note: i loved this request idea !! this became a lot more angsty than i initially planned/thought it would be 😭 (also i'm so happy that ur enjoying this little universe so far<333)

general note: everything in this universe/series can be read as standalone oneshots but to understand the full “lore” it would prob be best to read the other stuff too<333

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Fall 1985

There were some moments in your life that were so ridiculous it made you feel like you were in a movie; one that was a solid mix between comedy and horror. 

Tonight proved to be one of those moments.

And it wasn’t even the fact that you were in your bedroom stuck studying for a Psych test on a Thursday night rather than doing your original plan of seeing some show at The Hideout with Eddie that made you feel that way. Instead, what made you feel like you were trapped inside the horror-comedy that was called your life was the fact that you had completely forgotten that Steve had gone on a date tonight. But, you were all too quickly reminded of that when you heard the squeaky front door of the apartment open and close, and then not too long after that, you heard the sound of Steve’s voice saying something you couldn’t fully decipher, but a girl’s very elated giggles were the response to his words.

“Shit,” You muttered to yourself as you immediately stopped reviewing your notes and started desperately searching for your Walkman and headphones. 

Moments like this were not supposed to happen, and after how quickly you and Steve learned that the walls in the apartment were insanely thin, you put a sort of system in place to make sure this kind of thing never happened. You would always tell each other when either of you were going on a date that could potentially lead to the person being brought back to the apartment, so that you or Steve could plan not to be there if that happened. And if it was actually a last second thing, you would try to do it at the person’s place instead of abruptly bringing them to the apartment. 

For the most part, this little system worked perfectly fine, and in the four months that you two had been living in the apartment there hadn’t been any issues with it. But, apparently, tonight Steve either forgot about the system or he decided to disregard it entirely.

And yes, in his mind, you were supposed to be gone for most of the night anyway— Steve hadn’t known that your plans abruptly changed when you were reminded of the test that you’d entirely forgotten about— but he definitely did not tell you that his date would potentially take this turn. When he talked about it early that morning as you two shared a quick breakfast before you ran off to class, he seemed pretty passive about the whole thing. He had quite literally shrugged and gave you a half-hearted “yes” when you asked him if he was at least a little excited about it.

Somehow it was this realization that things had apparently gone so well that he decided to bring Vanessa back to the apartment that bothered you a bit more than the situation you were now in where you could potentially hear scarring things at any given moment.  

It annoyed you further that, technically, in some fucked up kind of way, all of this was your fault. 

Vanessa was in your communications class; it was probably the one course this semester you actually didn’t hate. You and her had the kind of relationship where you did consider her a friend, but you also knew that you’d probably never see her again once the semester was over and you two were no longer in the same class.

It had only been last week when you offhandedly mentioned Robin and Steve’s Family Video to her when she mentioned to you that the video store by her never had anything good. And when she showed up to class the next day gushing about the “hot guy that worked there,” you told her that he was your best friend. She then excitedly asked if there was any way you could help set them up, and you stupidly told her yes. 

It was probably one of the dumbest things you’d ever said because you and Steve never set each other up with anyone; it was one of your unspoken rules. There was just something about doing so that felt weird and somehow wrong. 

Being each other’s “wingmen” while you were out at some party or giving dating advice was completely different. Doing either of those things didn’t feel as personal as actively looking for someone for each other; mainly because you knew that you both would be so damn picky and would only want to find that “perfect person” for one another. And then there was the more selfish side of it where neither of you really wanted to do it because your friendship always shifted in a certain kind of way whenever either of you got in a serious relationship. 

In your head, Vanessa wasn’t that perfect person, and you wished that you could use your selfishness as a plausible reason to tell her that you didn’t want to help set them up, but it wasn’t a good reason so you did it.

That same day, you told Steve that she thought he was cute and gave him her number, and he called her and the rest was history. 

You didn’t even think that anything would really stem from the date because of how uncaring Steve seemed about it this morning, but you once again thought about how that apparently had changed. And you adamantly pretended that you weren’t currently feeling something weird in your stomach because of that. 

You finally found your Walkman and you popped in a cassette tape before slipping your headphones on and going back to reviewing your notes. You fully pushed your mind away from Steve and Vanessa and what they were doing on the opposite side of the apartment in his bedroom.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

It was hard to tell if you were actually retaining any of the information that you had been studying for the past hour. But, it was easier to just pretend you were instead of letting yourself think about anything else. 

You kept your focus on the chapter you were reading and the music playing in your ears; a new album that you just got and were finally getting around to listening to. 

You had spent the last five minutes stuck on reviewing a concept that wasn’t making much sense to you before deciding to simply skip it for the time being and turning to the next page in your textbook. It was always in moments like these where you would wonder if any of what you were doing would eventually make sense in the grand scheme of things. If you’d ever learn if there was any point to studying and stressing over a stupid Psychology test, because would it even lead you to where you wanted to be in the future? However, it was hard to fully answer that question because you still didn’t even know what you wanted your future to look like. And that was just another thing that you wanted to push your mind away from at that moment.

Right as you were about to put a new tape in your Walkman, you once again heard the squeaky sound of the front door opening, and then after a few moments and hearing what you assumed were goodbyes, you heard it close.

With a loud sigh, you stood up from your desk, closing your textbook and notebook in the process because you were over studying, and you were now ready to become at least a little mad at Steve for making you feel like a hostage in your own home for the last hour.

You immediately noticed him in the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge.

“Hey,” You said, and he jumped a bit before quickly turning around to face you; it was a little funny seeing how much you slightly startled him, almost enough to make you not feel mad at him anymore, but not quite. 

“Woah, I didn’t even know you were here,” He said as he closed the fridge. “I thought you were gonna be with Eddie all night.”

“That plan changed because I remembered I have a test tomorrow, so I’ve been here studying for the past few hours.”

“Oh,” He said, and then it seemed as if something quickly clicked in his mind. “Shit. Did you hear–”

You interrupted him by immediately shaking your head. “No, thank God, no.”

“I’m sorry, I had no idea you were gonna be here tonight,” He told you, his voice then became soft. “I also didn’t think that would happen tonight, which is why I didn’t even think about mentioning it this morning.”

You once again wondered what happened on the date; how great it must have gone. But as much as you wanted to know everything about it, you also wanted to know absolutely nothing. You felt that weird feeling in your stomach coming back. This time you were able to decipher what it was— annoyance, and maybe even a little jealousy.

That was foreign to you because you never felt that way when it involved Steve and who he was dating or even simply flirting with. You didn’t necessarily like all of the girls he brought around, but you were always supportive and never felt an ounce of jealousy. Maybe it was the fact that you facilitated this situation that made it all feel worse somehow; like it was “too close to home,” in a way. 

You knew that you’d see Vanessa tomorrow— right before your stupid Psych test that you should probably still be studying for— and she’d probably tell you all about the date; excitedly rehashing the details of it. The thought of that happening only made the feeling in your stomach grow, and you quickly became frustrated with yourself for feeling so annoyed about everything right then. 

“You want a grilled cheese?” Steve asked, pulling you out of your spiraling thoughts. He went into the pantry to grab the bread. “I was about to make one.”

You nodded at him, happy to pretend that you weren’t internally falling down a very rough hill. “Yes, I’ll take one. I think that’s very fair compensation for the almost trauma you just put me through.”

“I agree,” Steve said as he pulled out a pan. “And once again, I’m sorry.”

“Say that a thousand more times and maybe I’ll forgive you,” You told him teasingly before sitting on the couch and turning on the TV. You flipped through the channels for a bit before settling on a random sitcom, watching it as Steve cooked in the kitchen and the smell of toasted bread and melted cheese started wafting through the air. 

“Here you go,” He said barely ten minutes later as he handed you a plate with your grilled cheese on it. “And make sure to cross this next “sorry” off the tab. I’m sorry.”

You laughed a bit at the pouty face he gave you to emphasize the apology. “Thanks.”

He sat down next to you on the couch and a silence settled between you two as you both enjoyed the grilled cheese sandwiches and only half-enjoyed the TV show playing.

The mindlessness of the show made it somewhat easy to avoid your thoughts. However, you still couldn’t help but silently debate whether or not you should let your curiosity get the better of you and ask him how the date went; even though you were almost certain that the answer he gave you would only make what you were feeling worsen. 

“So, are you gonna see her again?” You decided to ask him instead. 

That felt like the easier question to ask since you fully expected Steve to say no because nine times out of ten, he was rarely ever a second date kind of person; even if sex was involved on the first date. So, if the answer to your question was the no that you thought it would be, there would be no reason to feel this confusing jealous feeling because it wasn’t like anything more was going to stem between them. 

You were already mentally swearing to yourself that you’d never set him up with anyone again if this was how you’d feel when you did. Maybe that was another subconscious reason why you both never did this in the first place; deep down you knew just how uncomfortable it would be.

“Yeah,” Steve answered before he took another bite of his grilled cheese. “We’re gonna go to the movies next weekend.”

You only nodded halfheartedly at that because you couldn’t think of any actual words to say in response.

Instead of your current feelings washing away, they only increased tenfold, and then it all settled into something that resembled sadness. And then you became upset at yourself because you couldn’t pinpoint exactly where your melancholy was coming from. 

Were you jealous of Vanessa for potentially “stealing” your best friend away? Jealous of Steve for potentially getting into something serious while you were nowhere close to having that? Or simply annoyed with yourself for being the one to have made this happen in the first place? 

It was a solid mix of all three, you knew that— that was probably the one thing you were actually certain about. 

“You okay?” Steve asked. You were unsure how long you’d been quiet, but the show playing on the TV was now on a commercial break, so you knew that it had been at least a minute or two.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You immediately told him. You wondered how obvious it was for your best friend to tell that you were quite far from fine. “I’m just… really tired. I’ve been studying for that test for so long and I kinda have a headache, and yeah…” You abruptly stood up from the couch. “I’m just gonna go to bed. ‘Night.”

You placed your now empty plate under Steve’s and then started heading to your bedroom before he could read you like a book and ask you more questions about what was currently going on with you.

“Goodnight,” You heard Steve say before you closed your door behind you. 

You knew that you should’ve sat back down at your desk and studied some more, but in that moment you truly couldn’t be bothered. You were suddenly glad that Psychology was your last class on Fridays so you’d have some more time to study throughout the day before having to take the test.

You laid down in your bed and pulled your blanket over your head as you let out a long breath. Every single thing you were feeling was still lingering and somehow it didn’t feel as if it was going away. You hoped it would all be gone by the morning; that you’d wake up feeling the complete opposite of how you were right then, that you’d feel stupid and laugh at how you had felt tonight. 

It could’ve been only a minute of you lying in your bed, or it could’ve been ten— you had no concept of time in that moment— but you heard a knock on your door at some point. You ignored it, hoping that Steve would go away, but also knowing that he wouldn’t.

Barely a minute later, you heard your door open and you didn’t have to see Steve to know that he was walking in. He was trying to be as quiet as possible, but the creaky wooden floors didn’t allow for any sort of silence.

You slowly pulled the blanket down from over your head and looked up at him. “Hi.”

“Hi,” He said as he set something down on your nightstand. “Some water and aspirin for your headache.”

A small smile took over your face and you sat up. “Thanks.”

“I know you’re too tired now, but I can help you study a little in the morning, if you want,” He told you and then gave you a playful smile. “I love reading your notecards.”

You shook your head and rolled your eyes. “Shut up, I know you hate helping me study for anything.”

“Yes, but I’ll always still do it.” 

You smiled at that. “Okay, well in that case, wake up at eight and we can study for an hour before I have to leave for my nine-thirty class.” 

“Got it.” 

“Thank you,” You said before leaning your head back against your pillow.

For a moment, you thought about telling him how you’d been feeling tonight; the jealousy, the annoyance. He’d probably think it was funny, just like you would in a few days. But, when you turned your head to look at Steve before he left your room and softly closed the door behind him, you decided against saying anything.

Just in case everything you were feeling right then actually meant something a little different than what you thought it did.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

let me know ur thoughts<333

(requests are open for stuff you wanna see in the universe/series!🫶🏾)

[c00kietin]

thank GOODNESS I could finish this- beneath the cut's a profile for them!! :D

buckle up, because it's a lot of information-

TENEBRIS!!!

Goes by they/them pronouns :D

Don't ask them for their age. Even I don't know how old they are.

The one and only leader of the Obitus Cult/Cult of Obitus!!

A very egotistic and anti-social being that has utterly devoted their loyalty to their "god" Obitus.

Can be quick to anger as well, lashes out on their members if they're really frustrated.

Of course, they're nothing like this around newcomers. Needs to somehow convince them to join, right?

Well, they can just force people if they wanted to with spells.

The magic they're capable of involves more chants and recitals, as well as making very strange substances and potions.

Their shopping list looks very strange, as you can imagine.

Kind of tying in the shopping thing, they get all of their resources delivered to their temple. Tenebris very rarely leaves the premises, and the members aren't allowed to leave at all.

They hate children. And chocolate.

And bright lighting- all the rooms in the temple are very dimly lit and all their clothes are darkly coloured.

This is their voice claim!

Their hair is quite heavy (and well taken care of) so you can guess that they're very slow.

MORE THINGS ABOUT THE CULT ITSELF!!

You can call it either the Obitus Cult or the Cult of Obitus- Tenebris calls it the latter.

This group made up of almost 100 people places their faith and loyalty to Obitus.

According to Tenebris- who claimed to have witnessed them in their sleep one night, starting up the cult the next day- Obitus plans on completely obliterating the Earth of humanity and civilization and told them to prepare for the end of the world. basically.

When this will happen?....Tenebris wasn't told that.

They also do not know what this otherworldly overlord looks like- however, they know an eye-shaped symbol (on Tenebris' hat and necklace) is very important as that appeared in their dream too.

The temple is located in a very secluded mountain range- Tenebris was simply told to go there by Obitus and it was already there. Convenient.

As pictured above, members have to have the eye symbol engraved into their wrist (or palm)- after this, they happen to be almost under a trance or brainwashed.

When praying to Obitus, they expose out the arm with the marking and their other arm behind that one, raised up to their face. Like this:

I hope that makes sense sjkksjks- while they do have lengthy prayer times and different types of prayers, a short and simple one they use is "We place our faith in Obitus."

The temple is full of many different rooms, including a dining hall, summoning room and bunkers (Tenebris gets their own room, obviously.)

They also follow a strict schedule- They must be asleep by 8 p.m. and awake and ready for the day by 4 a.m. They have two food breaks- one for breakfast and one for dinner. Once a month, they also hold a summoning ritual in order to attempt communicating with Obitus once more.

Members have their own jobs as well as worshipping Obitus though- cooking, cleaning, assisting Tenebris; that's all done by them as well.

While Tenebris mainly targets lonely people or those who don't have a social life, they are happy to accept anyone in! Well, that is if you're over 18.

I'm afraid teenagers (and children) are not allowed to join. However, Tenebris does take note of minors who do want to join and if you're REALLY nice, may let you visit the temple if you do some errands for them.

EXTRA FACT STUFF ABOUT TENEBRIS:

I based them more off of what first comes to mind when you think of cults- and, unintentionally, they also partially remind me of the cult in Spooky Month which I forgot existed ;-;

Because, after researching real life cult leaders, I felt like their stories weren't really what I was going for with Tenebris.

I guess the Peoples Temple founded by Jim Jones and the Family Cult by Anne Hamilton-Byrne were partial inspirations- oh, and religious experiences I've had, Catholic-Christian ones that is. (this is in no way meant to portray anything bad about that religion- or any at all- I just wanted to make the religious side of this more interesting by basing it off of what I know. Again, this isn't meant to offend any religion.)

My sister nicknames them Tenny and I (as well as others hee hee) nickname em Tennis, so you might see that often lol

I'm pretty sure they're the first oc I posted about on here! Although I think the post got like 7 notes-

When I first drew them, which was a while ago, they were more like a triangle shape and had larger eyes- my sister likes this version more but I think it just looks goofier- might post it once I find it :D

Tenebris means Darkness in Latin (according to translators) because I couldn't think of a name for them and just thought "think of something kinda edgy, then make it Latin to sound cool >:D"

Obitus means Death in Latin (according to translators once more I can't speak Latin-)

Thank you for reading this far!! I'm going to just tag @night-terrorzz @lobotomize-d n @gummy-worms-in-my-brain since you lovely people seem to like this cult leader :>

[gabessquishytum]

Feeling like some family fluff ❤️

Dream and Hob reunite in the modern day, clear the air about 1889, and somehow manage to confess their feelings. There’s just one little hitch to keep Hob from immediately jumping into this relationship: either by adoption or by accident, Hob has a small child that has to be his first priority. And they are a feral little creature to nearly anyone who isn’t Hob, and very protective of their father.

Dream is rather nervous to be introduced to someone whose opinion is so important to Hob, but determined to try his best to like and bond with the tiny human, for the sake of his relationship with Hob.

Upon meeting them, the kid starts by biting Dream’s hand. He is enchanted.

So wrapped up in his worry about messing this up, he’d forgotten how much he genuinely likes kids, and look at how delightful and interesting this one is! They’re the sweetest angel in the world to Hob, which reminds him of some of his loveliest dreams, and does their level-best short of maiming to scare Dream off, reminding him of his youngest nightmares. They’re the best of both worlds, and Dream is besotted, no longer just for Hob’s sake.

The child is growing more and more torn about the situation. On the one hand, no one they’ve ever met has been good enough for their dad, and they’re reluctant to admit that this guy might be the exception. On the other hand, he can do magic, which is pretty cool. On the other other hand, their personal pride at their ability to chase anyone off is at stake here. But on the other other other hand, it’s kinda nice that he never gets angry at their tricks or threats, and in fact seems to enjoy them. Not to mention their dad seems to actually really care whether or not this guy sticks around, which is significant.

Hob tries his best to rein his kid in when they’re like this, but he can’t help but see their feralness as a kind of zest for life and therefore isn’t very good at reprimands. Dream tends to wave off his apologies anyway, and his obvious delight at the child’s creative antics (not trying to tame or gentle them, but appreciating them as they are) does funny things to Hob’s heart. This might work out after all.

-🪽anon

Oh yes this is very sweet. I love it when Hob is a dad.

And oh, I love the idea of Dream having to go through the traditional ritual of "You're dating my dad and I hate that about you." As every potential step-parent should.

And the best part it - Dream loves it. He loves being scrutinised by this very small human, who is so like Hob in many ways. He doesn't mind how feral the kid is, basically because they are clearly having a really great time trying to chase Dream away. The whoopee cushion prank in the middle of the new inn was pretty epic, even Hob has to admit that, and he's never seen Dream laugh so much.

Maybe somewhere along the line Hob has a big emergency and there's no one to babysit, so he calls on Dream to help. The child is secretly thrilled because a) Dream is magic and they secretly love that and b) being alone with Dream is the perfect opportunity to be as feral as possible and prove that Dream is not up for the job of dating their dad.

But Dream turns out to be a rather excellent babysitter, and keeps very calm during all the antics that occur. Eventually he sits down on the bedroom floor in the middle of the chaos with the kid and they actually talk for a bit. The kid shares some concerns about whether Dream will actually stick around, whether he'll be nice to Hob, all of that stuff. And Dream (not exactly king of communication) tries his best to promise that he does want to be with Hob longterm and that he's learnt a lot about not hurting people, recently.

Hob returns to find his kid tucked in and snoring away (benefits of having the literal sandman putting you to bed, Hob is so jealous). They end up kissing on the sofa because Hob is kinda horny about Dream’s potential parenting skills, and in the morning the kid begrudgingly admits over breakfast that maybe it would be ok if Dream comes over more. And takes Hob for dates. Maybe.

But no kissing. They got up to pee last night and saw more than enough of that 🤮 <33

[mixes-archive]

heyyy, i really need a wrench's sfw alphabet 🥺🥺 i love him so so so much and i haven't found any new headcanons of him in a while

WRENCH SFW ALPHABET

I can’t believe we finally got a Watch Dogs fan, I hope you enjoy your stay in the archives!

A = Affection

(How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Shows affection everywhere, all the time and with everything he has. Likes to show it physically and with little trinkets he either finds or makes. If he sees something in a store and it reminds him of you, consider it yours (he did not steal it not at all no of course not he wouldn’t do something like that).

Will cling to you even when you’re fighting about some petty thing, he cannot bring himself to let go of you ever. Probably even got you safety gear so he could continue to hug you when absolutely fucking up a toaster or something of the sorts.

B = Best friend

(What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Stupid. Wrench is a stupid little man with no idea how to properly talk or communicate. Either someone in Dedsec told him to finally ask you to hang out or he was high out of his mind, since he hates talking to new people.

Once’s that’s done though, he’d go with you through thick and thin, acting much like he does with everyone else in Dedsec.

C = Cuddles

(Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

If he ever doesn’t want to cuddle, that’s a clone and you should shoot it immediately. Wrench is down to cuddle whenever, just tell him to take of the spiky stuff first because he will not remember.

Loves to cuddle in the morning or after stressful missions the most, he would cling to you for hours if you let him.

D = Domestic

(Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Not yet. Possibly never. He would probably keep moving around forever if you weren’t in the picture. He’ll try to be a bit more domestic if it’s something that you really want, but Reggie still has a need to do society justice. It’s not like he doesn’t want to settle down ever, but he almost feels pressured to help the ones who cannot defend themselves (please take him to a therapist, he’ll be much more inclined to settle down after that).

He is shit at cooking and who do you think made a mess in the first place? He’ll try his best to help out however he can, but for the love of your stomach do NOT let him near the stove.

E = Ending

(If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Stole your pets if you had them and hacked all your devices to be completely useless. You’d have to really fucked things up for him to actually break up with you, so his reaction is (partially) rationalized.

F = Fiance(e)

(How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Very committed to your relationship. Would be down to get married whenever tbh, he already knows you’re the one anyway.

G = Gentle

(How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He can be a bit brash, but he means well and would never do anything he knew or thought could upset you. Wrench is always very sweet with his words and everything he says, no matter how cheesy or dumb, he means wholeheartedly. Always careful to never upset you.

And if you ignore the spikes and other various pokies from his clothing choices, he is quite gentle. You’d think mans would throw you around however he wants with the way he can swing that sledge hammer, but he’s surprisingly gentle whenever it comes to you, his touches featherlight when caressing your figure.

H = Hugs

(Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Fucking LOVES hugs. Morning hug, getting out of bed hug, brushing your teeth hug, before breakfast hug, breakfast hug, after breakfast hu- I think you get it. Hugging you so much it’s embarrassing.

They’re firm, comforting and can last from a second to a few minutes depending on his mood.

I = I love you

(How fast do they say the L-word?)

Quite fast probably. Maybe on the first date even. He’s not ashamed to admit it.

J = Jealousy

(How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Wrench trusts you with his life, not to mention in the relationship. Buuuttttt…. He would be jealous of a screwdriver if you looked at it too long. He thrives off of your attention and wants it on him as much as possible, so no other person may flirt with you, thank you very much.

Gets really physical when jealous, maybe even lifts his mask a lil to kiss your neck from behind or something. Whatever gets your attention off of whatever he’s jealous of and onto him.

K = Kisses

(What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Dramatic. Would dip you just to give you a tiny little peck on the cheek. Loves to kiss you on whatever skin is exposed on you, whether that be stomach, neck, hands, eyelids, whatever.

He loves to be kissed on his mask in public, but honestly melts every time you kiss his scar(s).

L = Little ones

(How are they around children?)

No, absolutely not. Pets? Yes! But children not so much. He’s scared he’ll be just as awful as his parents and honestly, he wouldn’t be fit to be a dad period.

M = Morning

(How are mornings spent with them?)

Him trying to coax you out of bed to “get a head-start” (even though literally nothing is going on whatsoever). He has very little need for sleep to be healthy/productive/awake, so he just goes to sleep at ungodly times and wakes up even earlier. Will gladly stay in bed and cuddle though.

Since he can’t cook for shit, if he wakes up much earlier than you, he’ll go to a bakery and get you your favorite dessert.

N = Night

(How are nights spent with them?)

Probably watching a shitty movie you stopped paying attention to hours ago in favor of flirting or making out. If you fall asleep, he’d carry you to bed and start working on some tiny project before joining you in bed.

O = Open

(When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

When he opens up to you, most likely a few months after you started dating, he’ll dump everything out at once as not to surprise you later on in the relationship. He’s very open with people he knows and never afraid to speak up when something makes him uncomfortable or reminds him about a worse time in his live.

He’ll also frequently joke about his past trauma, so be prepared for that.

P = Patience

(How easily angered are they?)

Gets mad all the time, but never directs it at you. If you’re scared of yelling, he’ll get you to somewhere you can’t hear him, and then scream his lungs out. Or, he’ll probably just cling to you instead, you make him calm down with your presence alone.

Q = Quizzes

(How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He couldn’t really be a hacker if he was forgetful, so it’s safe to say he very quickly picks up everything you say and do. Deffo memorizes all the names of the people you gossip about.

“So Samantha called her a-“

“Isn’t that the one who broke up with her boyfriend because he was ‘too ugly’?” ?_?

“YEAH!- wait how’d you know that?”

“Babe, you told me like, a month ago.” -_-

R = Remember

(What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Going to the shittiest looking döner kebab restaurant with you and eating without his mask for the first time in public. He can still see how you laughed at him when the white (very sus looking) sauce dripped all over his chin, only for you to start choking on your food, which made him laugh and also start choking on his. You were very quickly kicked out, but continued laughing together until you got home.

S = Security

(How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

So fucking protective of you omg. Scary dog privileges is all I can say.

He doesn’t need to be protected, if anything, you need to protect others from him.

T = Try

(How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Everything comes to him quite naturally, he never goes out of his way to plan something, he’s much more spontaneous. But he still puts effort into making everything as enjoyable as possible for you, but plans aren’t really his thing.

U = Ugly

(What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Beating himself up over not being pretty enough and his rash decision making. It’ll take some effort on your part to get him to think and act differently.

V = Vanity

(How concerned are they with their looks?)

He is a crust punk and wears a mask 24/7, doesn’t really care most of the time unless he’s feeling self conscious about his (very lovable) face.

W = Whole

(Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Definitely couldn’t do without you if you’re apart long enough. You’re his rock and his comfort. Doesn’t like going on long missions anymore, because he’d just miss you so much.

X = Xtra

(A random headcanon for them.)

He is SO GOOD at braiding hair, no matter what hair texture you have or what style you’re going for. Has no idea where he picked up the talent himself, he’s just a natural at it. (Please let him do your hair please please please he won’t even sniff it that much)

Y = Yuck

(What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

A capitalist.

Z = Zzz

(What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Clinging onto you super tight and if you have tiddies, burying his face in them. (He doesn’t need air anyway)

Also a prolific blanket AND pillow thief, you either freeze or buy enough of them to supply a whole army.

A/N: the silly

[thisbarbiereallylikesbirds]

A Visit to Draxum's - a @tmnt-write-fight attack

@ozymdis you have been attacked!!

Read the fic on ao3!!

It wasn’t normal for Mikey to still be in his room this late in the day. Normally by now he’d be out, already have cooked his family breakfast, and have waltzed into the lab, sketchbook in hand, to draw while Donnie worked on his latest invention. But by now it was nearly noon. And Donnie had yet to see him.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out why. Or maybe, since Donnie had been the only one who’d seemed to notice, it did.

Raph and Leo had fought before. They’d always squabbled here and there, ever since they were both old enough to talk. But things had gotten worse since the leadership change. Much worse. And the only way the pair seemed to communicate with each other anymore was through a screaming match. And there was only so much of that junk that Mikey could take.

Donnie didn’t know what they were fighting about today. Frankly, he didn’t care. The only thing that mattered to him was the fact that the arguing had kept Mikey locked up in his room. Mikey, who rose before the sun. Mikey, who was always the first to get cabin fever and beg to go up to the surface. Mikey, who only hated one thing more than isolation: fighting.

Stupid, selfish, dumb-dumb brothers.

In their old lair Mikey hadn’t really had a door. He’d had a curtain to give him the semblance of privacy, but you couldn’t really knock on that. To fix that problem Mikey had begged Donnie to build him a doorbell. He could still remember his brother's tiny, squishy face when he’d presented him with the finished project. His little brother was only five years old at the time.

He’d brought the contraption with him to their new house, and with Donnie’s help, had affixed it to his new door. 

Donnie stared at it, a small orange button with a smiley face haphazardly drawn on it by Mikey’s tiny hand all those years ago. Back when things were easier. Back when their dad still helped them with stuff. Back when Leo and Raph did more than fight.

Shaking himself free of his thought, Donnie pressed the button. It only took a few seconds for Mikey to appear at the door. A smile was plastered to his face, but Donnie could tell from his red-rimmed eyes that he’d been crying.

“Morning, Donnie,” Mikey said quietly.

“Good morning, Micheal,” Donnie said, shifting his backpack to better fit over his Battle Shell. “Would you care to accompany me to Draxum’s?”

Mikey’s eyes lit up. Donnie could acknowledge that Draxum had been invaluable during their fight with the Shredder. But that still didn’t mean he had to like him. Mikey did, though. And apart from wandering the New York City streets aimlessly (not exactly the safest thing to do, especially in broad daylight), his apartment was the only place they could really go. 

Besides, he was done listening to all the fighting too.

“Really?” Mikey asked. “You’ll come with me?”

“Yes. I know you’ve been going over there to practice your mystic stuff and I figured I could come too.”

“You want to practice with me?” Mikey said, his voice climbing at least three octaves. That wasn’t what Donnie had meant. He’d planned to sit and work on Shelldon’s new body while Mikey and Draxum practiced. But he wasn’t about to extinguish the light that had just returned to his little brother’s eyes. He wasn’t that mean.

“...Yes,” he said with some struggle. “I would love nothing more than to spend my time working on something not useful.”

It must’ve been a good lie, because Mikey shot forward and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing as tightly as he could.

“This is gonna be so much fun!” he said. “We can practice our Ninpo! Ugh, I’ve been trying to help Draxum unlock his, but he just hasn’t gotten it yet. I wonder if–”

Mikey continued talking, but at that point Donnie started to tune him out. He desperately hoped he hadn’t just gotten himself in over his head.

“What are you doing?” Draxum asked.

“Exactly what you told me to,” Donnie bit back. “Are you sure the problem isn’t your teaching? Maybe we should try something else.”

“You need to master the basics first,” Draxum said. “I already told you, if you can’t do this then you’re not ready for anything more advanced. It can be very taxing on the body. Do you want to turn to dust?”

Donnie rolled his eyes. He’d prefer turning to dust than spending one more minute doing this.

“Your brother got this easily,” Draxum muttered under his breath.

“You know what, work with him for a bit,” Donnie said, walking over to the table and opening his backpack. “I’ve got other stuff to work on.”

Draxum didn’t argue.

As stupid as he was, Draxum was right about one thing. To Mikey, this stuff was easy. In the past few months Mikey had blown past the basics and was now working on some more advanced things with Draxum, particularly learning how to fly. This was where Mikey had hit a roadblock.

He’d tried explaining it to Donnie on the way over. But, considering that almost none of this made sense to Donnie, he hadn’t been much help in discovering a solution. Something was keeping Mikey from unlocking his true potential. They just couldn’t figure out what.

Luckily, Draxum was a bit kinder in helping Mikey with his issues than he had been for Donnie. But, if he appreciated one thing about Draxum, it was his honesty. Even if it meant that Draxum didn’t try to hide his favoritism. Besides, out of all of the brothers, Mikey was a good pick.

In between their practice sessions, it looked like Mikey had a good amount of time to work on sprucing up Draxum’s apartment too. The last time Donnie had been here (that horrible family dinner) the place had been nearly empty. Now there was a vase of fresh flowers on the table, the pantry was stocked with snacks, and pictures of their family that Mikey had sacrificed from his own room hung on the walls. 

One of the first things Mikey had done when they’d got there that particular day was start making lunch. He’d cut up some meat and vegetables for a soup and set it to cook. When it was finished, it would signal it was time to take a break and eat. 

The pleasant aroma of the soup filled the air around Donnie as he worked on his designs for Shelldon’s new (and hopefully indestructible) body. He had been smart enough to not ask what was in the food. Another thing Mikey had been learning from Draxum was how to cook with Hidden City ingredients. And as much as he enjoyed that most…eccentric dishes at Run of the Mill, he figured he would enjoy the food a lot more if he didn’t know what was in it.

“Have you brothers been practicing their exercises too?” Draxum asked. Donnie resisted the urge to sigh. Leave it to Draxum to bring up the one topic that they’d come here specifically to avoid.

“I think they’ve just been too busy,” Mikey said. A familiar tone had returned to his voice. It was the same one he used whenever he talked about Raph in Leo. A quiet melancholy that he was trying desperately to cover up.

“Well, moving is time consuming,” Draxum said.

Donnie paused what he was working on. Despite the fact that they’d been in their new house for months, they hadn’t really started “moving” yet. They had their rooms, sure. Their necessities. But most of the rest of their things still sat in stacks of brown cardboard boxes, scattered around their new lair. A good amount of their stuff was still at the old one too. Had Mikey not told Draxum any of this yet?

Then again, maybe that was a good thing. The stuff that was going on at home was family issues. And as much as Mikey tried to include him, Draxum wasn’t family. He never would be. Not to Donnie.

“The soup should be ready by now,” Mikey said, cutting the conversation short and walking over to the stove. He grabbed three bowls from Draxum’s cabinets (before Mikey he’d only had paper dishes) and ladled soup into all three.

Donnie cleared the table in front of him, shoving all of his stuff back into his backpack. Back home Raph, Leo, and Splinter would all be eating lunch separately. If they ate it at all. 

The only times that the Hamatos bothered to have a meal together was when Mikey insisted upon it. He’d always been like that. The family’s glue.

Donnie looked across the table at Mikey. And then suddenly it clicked. Why he cared about Draxum so much, why he was so insistent on bringing them together. No matter what he did, Mikey couldn’t get Raph and Leo to get along. He couldn’t bring his family together. He couldn’t restick the bonds that had begun to sever. He felt useless without his job. Something Donnie understood all too well. 

He wasn’t gonna let his little brother keep feeling like that, though. If getting along with Draxum, if playing family with him was what it took to help Mikey, then he was willing to do it. He’d do anything for his little brother. 

“Draxum?” Donnie asked. “After lunch maybe I can try that exercise again.”

[romanarose]

About a Girl: Chapter 3

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Summary: Blue surprises Joel by rebuffing everyone advances in favor of him.

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

AN: FIRST DAY OF PRIDE EVENT!!!

A note on langauge. This is a 90's au, different langauge was used than we know know, words we find offensive now. While no one uses slurs theres langauge used that may not be comfortable. Just remember in the 90s there wasnt such a unified community all over, especially in the south. Blue isn't going to talk the same as say, a new york queer today. I want to remain as most "time period realistic" as i can.

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

Tommy woke up hungover, just as Tess, Talia, Max and you probably were. 

Joel only had one, but he was up early packing things for Sarah. Jessica didn’t have much as far as clothes and other stuff for a 5 year old, so Joel wanted to make sure she was prepared. It was supposed to rain and she definitely didn’t have rain boots or coat, not enough kids stuff to entertain Sarah inside all weekend. He made sure to pack her barbies, etch-a-scetch, and a few cassette tapes. Sarah wasn’t even up yet when Kayla knocked. 

“Hey Kayla.” Joel tried to be nice and welcomed her into the home they used to share together. 

She smiled at him, said hi to him and Tommy. She must’ve calmed down after last night, as she usually does after a spiral. “Sarah up?”

Joel shook his head, getting a few granola bars Sarah could eat for breakfast. “Naw, I let her stay up a little later with Jessica, you can wake her if you’d like, or you can hang out.” He nodded to the coffee pot. “All yours.”

“Does she know I’m coming?”

“No, she was fast asleep when I got home.”

Kayla grinned. “Great, she’ll love the surprise.” and dashed upstairs.

“She’ll love the surprise.”  Joel muttered to Tommy, not looking away from his task. “But she’d love regular visits she could count on more.” 

Tommy patted his back. “You’re a good man, Joel. I don’t think I’d put up with all that you did.”

But Joel just shook just head. “It’s for Sarah.”

“Most things are.” He looked up from his coffee. “Hey! I’m meeting everyone for brunch, Sex and the City style. Since Sarah’s gonna leave, why don’t you come with us?” Tommy teased Joel with a nudge. “Blue’s gonna be there.”

Joel harshly shushed Tommy, wide-eyed. He looked down the hall to check for Kayla, but heard Sarah squealing mommy up in her room. “C’mon, man, you know how she gets.”

Tommy laughed, “I know, I know!”

But he didn’t really know. Tommy didn’t know about the screaming, the threats to hurt herself, the way she smacked his chest and arms… it wasn’t hard, he was a big guy. He could handle it. It wasn’t abusive, no. He could stop her if he wanted to because he was so much stronger. It was his fault he let it happen so he can’t really complain, can he?

Kayla reappeared with Sarah. “Daddy look! Mommy’s here!”

“I see baby!” Joel feigned enthusiasm. “Mommy’s gonna take you for the weekend, gonna stay the night, isn’t that exciting?”

Sarah was beyond excited. 

Setting her down, Kayla told Sarah to go put on her shoes. To her credit, she’d gotten her dressed already. She spoke to Joel quietly. “Hey, Joel, could I borrow some cash maybe? My um… my tank is almost empty, you know how prices are right now. Fucking Clinton, right?” She chuckled nervously.

Joel wanted to sigh. He saw Tommy looking at him from over his coffee mug. But… he didn’t. Instead, he opened his wallet. And grabbed a $20. “You got food there?”

She shrugged. “Enough.” Joel grabbed another bill and handed the $40 to her. “Thanks, Joel.” She turned to Sarah who had walked up with her shoes on the wrong feet. “You ready, baby?”

Joel said goodbye, hugging and kissing tight. “Be good for mama, okay princess?”

Next, Sarah ran to her uncle, who whispered loudly. ”Be bad, okay squirt?” Joel glared at him, making him carry out the bags for Sarah’s things to the car. 

*

He spent way too long trying to find a nice shirt. In the end, he settled on a green shirt. And his only pair of jeans without holes.

When Joel saw you ride up on a motorcycle, he knew it was all over for him. The way you lit up when your eyes connected with his… fuckign hell. He remembered your eyes when you were on your knees, his cock stretching your mouth… fuck he needed to sit down before he got a hard on.

“Joel!” You run up to hug him, taking him by surprise but he hugs you anyway. Joel likes the way you are very clear about what you want. Joel didn’t have to guess or walk on eggshells. He could want you and know you wanted him too. You took his hand to the table that Talia and Tess are at, not letting go when you both slide into the both.

Everything was going great. Tommy ordered unlimited mimosas, and Joel took one single look at the prices and ordered 2 eggs and toast. And you… Joel learned more and more about you, eating up every bite.

You were a school teacher, elementary english. You loved grunge, the color blue, and horror movies, Halloween being a favorite. Right now, you were horrifying him with a scene from Candyman.

“And then he opens his shirt,” You mimic the actions minus the undress. “And his chest is just like, a cavern of bees! And he kisses her with his mouth full of bees!!”

“Bees?” Joel grimaces, and you laugh, asking if it was too much. Joel loves laughs along; with you, when you laughed, it didn’t feel like it was at him. “Well,” He chuckles. “Maybe a little graphic for brunch.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” You continue with a smirk. “Should we maybe talk about sex, like Sex and the City? Maybe you’d like to fill us in on your latest sexcapades, Miller?”

Joel coughs, choking on his coffee and you pat his back as memories of last night once again popped in.

“I’m-” Cough cough. “I think I’m good there.”

Tommy spoke up, “WELL, since you asked-” Joel told him to shut up, not to talk to a lady like that.

“You let me talk like that around Tess!”

Tess leaned over, her tone teasing. “Joel doesn’t think of me as a lady.”

This led to Joel scrambling to defend himself, which he does, actually! Joel left out the part that if he didn’t see her as a lady he wouldn’t have slept with her all those years ago. Tess is different. Tess is family.

The conversation went on, and Joel noticed how closely you sat next to him while eating your food, your jeans pressed up against his. 

“Frank finally scheduled his knee surgery.” Tess mumbles with a mouth full of waffles. “After harvest, so plenty of time to rest.”

“Why not during harvest?” Talia asks. “You said he doesn’t do farm work.”

Tess stumbled on her words a moment, glancing at Joel before mumbling something about Bill needing to take care of him, even though it was pretty minor.

Joel cut her off. “She's tryna let me save face because I can’t afford a babysitter. Frank has watched Sarah every harvest and planting season since she was born, except the first plant.”

Not meaning to pry but unknowingly waltzing into sensitive territory, you ask why not the first. Joel swallows hard but Tommy answers.

“Because his bitch of an ex was still around.”

“Tommy!” Joel chastises, but Tommy looks bewildered.

“What?! She is, and you know it. She’s-”

But Joel cuts him off. “What she is is none of your business and not the point. I told you we don’t talk like that about women.”

Putting down his silverware, Tommy stared Joel down. Joel knew how Tommy felt about Kayla. “Joel, she was nuts, she turned you into someone I didn’t recognize and she left my niece alone to get f-”

“Enough!” Joel was louder than he meant to be, noticing people around them turning. Heat crept up his neck in embarrassment and shame. He didn’t like snapping at Tommy, but he especially didn’t like raising his voice in front of you. Joel wondered if he scared you, if he lost your trust and ruined everything- He felt your hand on his knee, and when he turned to look at you, he didn’t see fear, just gentle compassion. He spoke quieter now. “I understand how you feel… but that is the mother of my child, and I ask you treat her with respect.”

Tommy opened his mouth to say more, but Tess whispered to knock it off. There was silence for a while as Tommy stewed, eating his giant plate of food, stewing. Tommy’s anger problems were nothing new to Joel, but this stressed reaction Joel was having to it was. Why did his chest feel so tight?

You noticed, because of course you did, and took his hand. “Wanna step outside?” You whispered, but Joel shook his head.

“”M Alright, thanks.”

From across the booth, Tess, Talia and Tommy all talked while you and him sat on your own side. As you chatted, it felt like you were in your own world. You had a tendency to help him forget everything else. 

“I think it’s so neat y’all know an older gay couple, ya know?”

He didn’t. “Howdya mean?”

You took a bite of toast. “Well, you don’t see that much. We’re just now starting to get to a point people can really come out. Then the AIDS crisis took so many…” You shake your head. “I just think when I was a gay teen, how much it would have meant to me to see a future that wasn’t about hate crimes and death, you know?”

Oh. Gay? Were you a lesbian? No, no had blown him, quite enthusiastically… Maybe you were just trying something new? Was that offensive to think? Goddammit, Joel, what is wrong with you? “Oh, are you…” He trailed off.

You laugh a little. Joel hadn’t realized the three others had gone silent, watching what was happening unfold. “Gay? Well, I guess not anymore.”

Joel was confused. “Did it… go away?” He’d been told some people grew out of it, like a phase, or that some people went to therapy to change…

You laugh again, but slightly nervous. “No… I just mean, like, I transitioned so… now I’m a woman, so it’s not gay to be attracted to men…”

Joel blinked. Transitioned? What did that mean… 

You turn to Tommy. “I thought you’d told him?”

“Told me what?”

Tommy shook his head. “Hey I may be stupid, but I know not to out someone.”

Tess confirmed she hadn’t said anything and Talia looked intensely uncomfortable, asking you if you wanted to go.

“Joel… you do know I used to be a man, right?”

A flash of warmth covered his skin, eyes burning and chest tighter. He had, of course, heard of people like that… but he didn’t know the first thing about it. Did that mean you were a guy doing dress up? Was this drag? Or transvestite, is that the term? Most of all, he was confused, because he liked you. Was he gay?

“Joel?” Your voice breaking him out of his spiral. It was small, meek. Unlike anything he’d heard from you before. “Can we talk outside?”

*

You stood a few feet away from him, wringing your hands. He hated how you were shaking.

“Can you just…” He sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I'm gonna be real honest Blue, I don’t really know what you’re talk’n about. Can you just… Tell me? Is this like a transexual thing?”

Despite the tension, you give a small laugh. “I guess people used to call it that. Or transvestite. I don’t really know if there's a difference… I think people call a lot of thing under the same umbrella, like cross dressing…”

“Is that…” He swallows. “That's what you’re do’n? You a man that likes women’s clothes?”

You shake your head vigorously. “No, no that’s not it… at least to me, I guess. Some people say that’s all I am but… I don’t think so.”

“”Please.” Joel begs, a slight huff of a laugh. “I’m just an old farmer, I ain’t never left this town, no college, no life experience. I practically raise Tommy and when he was finally grown, I had my daughter so I just…” He sighs, heavily. He’s very confused, but he doesn’t want you to think he’s disgusted or hateful. “Please just explain it so I can understand.”

You nod, looking a little hopeful. “I was born a boy, but I never felt like one. My whole life, it just felt… wrong. I can’t really explain it, but it's just this… this knowledge inside myself that my body was wrong, a gut feeling…”

A slight breeze rustled his shirt, blowing your hair around and drawing his eyes to the blue.

“So… you’re a woman?”

Once again, you nod, crossing your arms over your chest. Joel didn’t know if that was from nerves or the fall beginning to settle in. “I am. Yeah.” You take a deep breath, and exhale in a ramble of words as your eyes plead to him. “Joel I’m really sorry! I thought, I thought you knew! I met Tommy a few times with Talia and it came up so I just assumed he told you! I know you probably don’t wanna be with me but I swear, I wasn’t trying to trick you!” Your voice cracks at the end.

Concerned, Joel frowned. He didn’t know why you were shaking. He stepped forward, wanting to hold you. “Hey now, darl’n, don’t cry” But he froze when you scrambled backwards, fear in your eyes. “Whoa there… I ain’t gonna hurtcha…”

You didn’t look like you believed him, eyeing his movements. “You won’t?”

“No, oh my god no. Why would I do that? Wait, that’s stupid, I know how people are but… I ain’t like that, I promise.”

Shoulders relaxing, you appear to be calming down. “Some men… well, they get really violent if they find out the person they… they did anything with was a man…”

“That aint me, I swear it, Blue.” He shuffles his feet. “I can’t say I really understand all this but… I ain’t like that.”

He could sense your dejection from where he stood. “I understand. I won’t bug you. Again, I’m really-” You turn to leave.

His eyes went wide. “Hey, hey, hey wait-” Joel grabs your hand, but not tight. You could pull away if you want to.  “Do you… do you still wanna be with me?”

You giggle softly, still looking sad. “Of course I do… Joel, I barely know you but… of course I do. But you don’t wanna be with me.”

“I didn’t say that, Blue…”

You look at him curiously. “Joel, you just found out what being trans was 2 minutes ago, are you sure you wanna be with a trans woman?”

Joel let go of your hand to rub the back of his neck, smiling. “I’ll be honest, I don’t really know if I’m ready to date at all. I got my kid,” He thumbs back to the restaurant, chuckling. “I got Tommy. It’s a lot right now. And honestly? I don’t know if this makes me gay or not but… I’d like to try to be with you… if you’re cool taking it slow.”

Looking directly at him, you smile. “I would absolutely be okay taking it slow. And, listen.” Reaching you, you take both of his hands in yours. “Would it help if we just got together and I let you just… ask whatever you wanted? Like, having a little learning session.”

“Yeah.” Breathed out a laugh. “Yeah that would be great, asking.”

*

It was 3 am when Tommy came stumbling home. Normally, Joel wouldn’t notice but he heard a loud crash, running downstairs with a gun to find the coffee table nocked over and Tommy trying to bake pizza bagels. After some back and forth shouting at him, it clicked.

“Jesus, Tommy, are you on coke?” He gawked in disbelief. 

Tommy just laughed. “You said I couldn’t use when Sarah was around!”

“That’s not an excuse to to hard drugs the second she’s out the door! You’ve been gone since 6, what if she came home early?”

Tommy waved Joel away, putting pizza bagels in a cold oven. “She’d be fine.”

His blase attitude was pissing Joel off even more. “I don’t want you high around my daughter!”

Standing up and apparently thinking the oven was on, Tommy glared at Joel. “Relax, Joel. She ain’t here!”

Joel fisted his hand into Tommy’s shirt, voice bellowing in the kitchen. “I don’t give a shit Tommy! Don’t you ever come into my home coked up again, you understand?!” He le go and shoved Tommy away.

Half an hour later, Joel came downstairs to find Tommy crashed out on the couch. Joel took off his shoes, pulled a blanket over him and placed water by his side. He cleaned up the messed up coffee table, turned off the oven that was now on and burned bagels and locked the door again.

*

Blue’s POV

You were nervous, to say the least. Sure, you liked to play it cool but really, Joel scared you half to death. He was so fucking… perfect. Tess had thought you’d like him. She told you so much of his personality, you’d assumed he was ugly: hardworking, good father, responsible, loving, kind, protective… When you saw him you were dumbstruck. How is a man that good of a person and that fucking hot?

You’d just wished Tess had told him you were trans, since  she was trying to set you up. Still, you understood she didn’t want to out you. Not a lot of people here knew, and you needed to keep it that way. As far as the parents and faculty at your school knew, you had been born with two tits and a vagina… okay maybe not tits but you passed a just flat chested. If anyone found out, technically they could still fire you. 

Still, Joel was kind and had taken the information in stride. You didn’t think it was going to work out between you… you’d figured Joel wouldn’t but up for dating you, especially if he wanted more kids... But you suppose today would tell.

Joel looks genuinely happy to see you. “Hey, come on in.”

You’re impressed to find the house is still clean. There’s things on counters and a little mud on the floor but you like it looks lived in. Still, he obviously takes care of his house.

“I really hate to do this,” He starts and your stomach drops. “Sarah’s mom called, wanting to bring her back early, like in a few hours.”

You understood. Bringing everyone over on Friday was one thing, but bringing a women over (that wasn’t Tess) around Sarah might confuse her, and he wanted to be careful. “I totally understand.”

“You eat yet?”

You watch, smiling as Joel cooks you breakfast. “Where’s Tommy.”

Joel grunted, a slight tonal change. “Upstairs sleeping off a binge. He’s a dumbass.”

Ah, so the tension hasn’t subsided.

After eating, you and Joel sit down on the couch.

He looks as nervous as you are. “Just… stop me if I saw anything offensive.”

You shake your head. “Nothings off the table today, you can ask whatever, I just wanna be straight forward. In fact, I’m gonna go ahead and answer the question I know you have. No, I don’t have a dick.”

Joel coughed, choking a bit. “I wasn’t going to ask that!” He begins to laugh, and so do you.

“Yeah, because you’re polite, so I just said it. I got bottom surgery a few years ago.”

“What’s that?”

“They turn my dick into a vagina.”

He nods. “I’ll be honest, that is a positive.” His eyes go wide in that way you noticed he does when he thinks he’s said something wrong. “Not that- well I wouldn’t- I could… umm..”

You reassure him. “I understand, Joel. You’d have been working with whole knew equipment. I promise, this is probably what you’re used to working with. Maybe if you get lucky, one of these days you’ll get to go for a test run.” He turns bright pink, but smiles. “Your turn, go ahead.”

He took a deep breath. “Does this make me gay? I ain’t got nothing against be’n gay, I mean, Tess is my best friend and I work for two of ‘em” the phrasing there almost made you laugh. He was so clunky sometimes, but he was trying. “It’s just, I didn’t think I was.”

You shake your head. “No. I mean, some people think that but, no. I don’t think I’m a man. Do you think of me as a man?”

“Not one bit.” He was earnest. 

“Then you’re not gay, Miller.”

For the next hour, he asked a lot of questions. Some were more in depth, like what transitioning looked like, or what you felt like as a child.You told him you were on E and he had lots of questions about that. You explained you hadn’t gotten top surgery, and his eyes only flicked to your chest once. Respectful cowboy. He asked if you wanted “uuhhh, you know…” breasts, and you said you honestly didn’t feel the desire for it. You liked yourself as you were right now. Some were a bit fun, like how you chose your new name or if you stopped growing facial hair.

What you loved about him was he came from a place of genuine curiosity. He wasn’t judging you, he was trying to learn. You check the clock.

“I think Sarah will be coming soon. Did you have any other questions?”

Joel thinks for a bit. You imagine he probably had a lot about between your legs, but he was too polite to ask and honestly, details of surgeries, although you were comfortable, were a lot for someone you just met, even if it felt like you knew him already. 

“I don’t think so. This has been nice, actually, so… thank you.”

He walks you to the door and as you bend over to put your shoes on, you look up at him. “I’m gonna give you some time to sit on that information… if you wanna go on a date, I’d love to. If not-”

“What about friday?” He hurries out, hands in his pockets. “If I can find a sitter, I mean.”

You stand up straight, unable to stop the beaming. You feel giddy. “I’d love to. We can even go later in the evening, like after dinner so you can spend time with Sarah.”

His face falters just a bit. “I um… I should be honest. I usually don’t have this much free time. I can’t really afford a regular sitter and Kayla isn’t really around with Sarah much… so I guess I don’t really know how well this will work…”

You kiss his patchy beard cheek. “Let’s just take it one day at a time then, okay?”

Joel smiled at that. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

PRIDE EVENT TIME!!!!

love yall

i know thi doesnt get much notes but somewhere out there is a trans woman seeing this... is going to feel so fucking seen and thats what matters to me.

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[zermizomilk]

Autism, as according to the dsm-5. I do not like how they phrased certain things but alas, I shall infodump nonetheless A) Social interaction and communication (must have had a history of all, current or in the past) 1- Different ways of communication, for example being unable to have a normal back and forth communication, when talking you share less of your interests, emotions, or life. But it could also be OVER sharing this stuff, or stuff in general. 2-Weird use or lack of understanding on/of eye contact/use of gestures/facial expressions/body language/nonverbal communication. Like maybe too much or too little eye contact, maybe you're over expressive with your hands or under expressive. 3-Trouble maintaining/developing/understanding relationships, for example trouble making friends, not being interested in people, finding it hard to do 'imaginitive play' [play pretend] B) Restricted/Repeated patterns of behaivior/interests/activities (need at least 2) 1-Stimming. Aka repeated movement or use of speech [saying the same word again and again or moving the same way again and again] <-in a 'not normal' way [they phrase it bad but yk] 2-Insisting on things staying the same. Maybe having a set routine or ritual. For example 'i must eat ___ for breakfast every day or i will be anxious', 'we must drive the same way or i will be anxious', or having rigid thinking patterns. 3-Special interests/hyperfixations(edited)

I tried to keep it short for once lol

also again, i'm not familiar with the dsm-5 autism thing so i might have gotten some stuff wrong, ALSO I FUCKING HATE HOW THEY PHRASE SHIT UGH

the first one all of them

second:1,3

. . .

GONNA KEEP IGNORING THAT

[regular-theodore]

introduction post <33

my name is theodore, rohza, or reggie, and pls pls give me nicknames !!!

I am pan/omniromantic

I'm agender, transmasc, and masculine honourifics (?) like dude and boy make me happy :3

I use any pronouns, but I prefer they/he

audhd (self diagnosed)

a lot of depression and anxiety lmao

hyperfixations/special interests are community, mythic quest, Danny Pudi, iasip, the breakfast club, and more

literally the only thing I care about is stupid sitcoms shut up

my ao3 is @ prettyboyswritefanfic, I try to write a lot, I do some Community stuff and some MQ stuff :)

I hate cheese and hamsters, the one topic I will fight anyone abt is that rats are the superior rodent

uh if you're nice to me I'll fall in love w/ you get over it

mutuals or anyone who wants to chat, pleeeease ask for my discord or shoot me a DM!!

have a nice day!

days without cutting hair: 0

[sweetmariihs2]

Huge vent: My parents don't know how someone with autism struggles with some stuff, and if I tell them that I am struggling because I am autistic, they will say I'm using my own neurodivergence as an excuse. Yipee

Some time ago, my psychologist wanted to take some neurodivergence/QI tests with me because she saw some autistic behaviors and wanted to find out through tests.

I asked myself this too, because I was seeing too many behaviors in myself that neurodivergent people say it comes from their neurodivergences, I always felt a "weirdo" my whole life because I had these behaviors, like hyperfocus, hating how people don't directly communicate with eachother, picky eater, can feel when something has changed in a recipe, have a low social filter like you tend not to notice when people are making fun of you or someone says you acted in a "rude" manner when in fact in your head you were just being nice, masking expressions and memorizing lines to get along in social situations

When I told my mom this and showed her some neurodivergent people on the internet talking about unusual experiences and feelings that were exactly like the ones that I have but said that it was because of their neurodivergences, my mom rolled her eyes and spoke rudely to me "Everyone is autistic/has ADHD today. People like to get attention. Daughter YOU ARE NORMAL, just because you identify with people on the internet doesn't mean you have anything. Everyone can relate to things like this."

But after I asked her so many times to try having those tests, she finally decided to let me do it. I think it was because she thought I wouldn't have anything and I would finally understand that I'm """normal"""

So after I told my psychologyst and my parents that I was suspecting that maybe I had a neurodivergence, after tons of asks, they finally started doing the tests.

Because I carried out these tests in several consultations with a psychologist every few weeks, they lasted for a few months. At first my psychologyst told me that they were just IQ and mental health tests, but one day my family and I went out to dinner and my mother said "we asked your psychologist to do tests on you to find out if you have any neurodivergence, and also your mental health and IQ, because you wanted to know if you had it" and that left me a little confused because that wasn't what the psychologist said, so I realized that something didn't made sense there. At the next appointment I looked at the book where the tests were and the word "neurodivergence" was also written there, so I started to wonder why my psychologist wasn't telling me this, but I decided not to say anything to her and continued taking the tests.

Minimal detail that confused me even more: During those months between tests, I traveled for a weekend with my parents. They left the house angry because we were late and we didn't had breakfast, so we went to a snack bar to buy some snacks for the trip. I ordered a food with chicken filling (brazillian food, like the famous coxinha, but it's called "salgado pastel", same dough just a different shape) and because of the rush we got into the car and only on the road I found out that the filling was actually ground beef, which I hate because of the texture, I always did, so I couldn't eat it. For some reason my parents were very angry about this, and they said things like "you have to stop creating these blocks in your head, just eat, you eat meat, it just has a different texture" and I said "I know that, but chewing it makes me sick, I can't eat it, makes me wanna puke" and they know that very well.

Until my mother said "you have no justification for this, your psychologist said that you are not autistic, you don't have any neurodivergence, so there is no reason for you to create these mental blocks" (them: personal boundaries and preferences)

Her telling me this made me even more confused, because I had already been adapting to the idea of ​​being autistic for months, I knew I was, and being autistic explained everything about me that I thought was "weird" my whole life. So after hearing my parents yelling at me for 20 minutes straight, what my mom said kept playing in my mind and I thought "I can't believe it. So these doubts I have about myself, these questions I've had my whole life of 'why am I like this? why am I weird?' will never be answered. And in the end, I'm just an outcast for no reason."

Time passed and I kept doing the tests. My psychologist said that as soon as the tests were finished she would call my parents to see the results. When they were finished, I spent time waiting for the results, weeks, thinking about what would appear on paper. I sometimes saw my psychologist on the street and she said she was just waiting for the results, the documents, I'm not sure. So I was really anxious for a few weeks. She set the day for my parents to go there, and they finally went. They arrived home at night and invited me to talk at the dinner table with the results at hand. I won't say much about it, but it was there, confirmed, I am level 1 autistic. My parents' reaction was funny, they were reacting like straight parents who found out that their son is gay, "it's okay son, we still love you, even if you're like this. This doesn't change anything at all, you're still normal to us" 😭 their choice of words and point of view is questionable, but they don't do it on purpose, it's because of the generation they grew up in, at the end their intentions are good, they just don't know how to put them in practice properly.

I went back to my psychologist and we talked about it, she asked me about how the conversation went, my reaction, what my parents told me, and I said that they told me everything, they read all the papers one by one showing me the page per page, they even let me read it, so I knew everything that was written there. And then my psychologist told me something. That before starting taking the tests, SHE had spoke to my parents about it because SHE saw some autistic behaviors in me, so it wasn't just me who was thinking about this.

She told me that she spoke to my parents about it and they said "yes yes our daughter was really talking about this" and they decided to do it, BUT, they told her that they weren't sure if taking a neurodivergence test (that means, discovering how my own mind works and understanding myself better) would be a good idea cuz if I found out I'm something, I'm going to use this info to "play the victim" like HELLO??? LIKE WHEN DID I?!?? HOW?!???!?

Put this together with that situation of my mom saying "everyone is autistic today, people like to get attention", or my parents mad because I didn't wanted to eat something and saying I had no excuse for creating those "mental blocks" because "my psychologist told them I wasn't autistic, so it didn't made sense". I TOLD MY PSYCHOLOGYST THIS AFTER I SAW THE RESULTS, AND SHE SAID SHE NEVER SAID THIS TO THEM! EVER! Actually, what she did told my parents was that I had SEVERAL autistic behaviors and she offered trying to do tests, nothing more.

My parents told my psychologyst to tell me she was only making "QI and mental health" tests, because they were afraid of me faking the test to get the result that I want (?!???!?). And my psychologist found that really weird because she really doubted that someone who doesn't know a thing about psychology could fake those tests, so me knowing it was a neurodivergence test or not it wouldn't change anything, I couldn't fake it even if I wanted to! But she decided to respect their decision. Like parents what the actual fuck

And it's weird that THEY told me it was a QI + mental healt + neurodivergence test, after they told my psychologyst not to. Maybe they stopped caring mid tests about me finding out, maybe they thought a little more about what my psychologist said about not being possible to fake that test. Maybe having that conversation:

Parents: We want her to do the tests but don't tell her what it is fully for cuz she might fake the results (which doesn't make any sense why the hell would I want to fake something like this)

Psychologist: um actually you can't fake it even if you wanted to, so it doesn't change anything

*and after that conversation two things happened: my psychologist respected their decision about not telling me, and my parents got out of there thinking "well, she said it doesn't change anything so let's tell our daughter ourselves"*

Which made this whole mess

It turns out that I am indeed autistic; despite doing the tests blindly, despite not really knowing what it was for, despite my mom telling me 191892827 times that I wasn't and lying to me about my psychologist saying that I'm not (which never ever happened)

AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE: They weren't even sure if they would tell ME about MY OWN NEURODIVERGENCE, because they were afraid I would use it to "play the victim" LIKE I'M THE KIND OF PERSO WHO DOES THAT

WHAT THE FUCK #!?!?#?@? WHAT??#??@?

I spent an unhealthy amount of time wondering why my parents were trying to keep this from me, and why do they see me like this.

I am fully aware that for many years, since childhood, my parents do not accept that I have different tastes and preferences.

My mom doesn't accept me dressing how I want, there was a time when I was very insecure and dressed tomboyish in an attempt to hide myself, but I dreamed of wearing anime skirts and being a soft girl style, I just didn't have the confidence (we are talking about 2018/2019). My mom complained a lot back then about how she couldn't dress me anymore. Nowadays, after recovering, I wear coquette style clothes, which is what I always liked but I just didn't had any confidence. And she even says "If you let me dress you, you would see how many compliments you would get", and I always answer "I don't care about the compliments, I just want to feel good in my clothes"

She keeps repeating comments about how "when I was young she dressed me I looked like a princess". Everyone gave me compliments, she gets a lot of compliments on the clothes she wears, my father says "daughter, your mom knows about clothes, let her dress you" and I don't even wear a style that would make their internalized homophobia frustrated like a masc style, IT'S COQUETTE! IT'S EXTREMELY FEMININE! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME WAAAA

That's my pinterest board. I LITERALLY HAVE some of these clothes and make outfits that are similar to these. What are they talking about why are they mad

They don't like the idea of me having boundaries. Whey they do something that I don't, like eat something that I don't, wear something that I don't, do something that I don't, they always said I'm creating a "psychological block", I'm stopping myself from doing things because I put it in my head. "You don't eat something because it gives you the ick? Stop putting that in your head, everyone does it" "You don't wear the clothes I wear? Stop putting that in your head daughter, everyone does it"

And you know what's funniest for me? Of everything? I've been told all my life that I put things in my head about things that are actually boundaries and personal tastes, but now that I discovered that I'm autistic, I actually discovered that this is related to my autism!

I don't eat corn, peanuts, or any grains since I was younger, and they've been treating me like I'm crazy since always, AND IT'S BECAUSE OF THE TEXTURE! AUTISM!

I don't wore jewlery for a long time and this made my mom pissed for years, till this day I don't wear rings or bracelets because they make me uncomfortable, AND IT'S BECAUSE OF TEXTURE AGAIN! AUTISM

I had crazy "anxiety attacks" when I entered highschool, everything was too noisy, too hot, too many people, too many voices, closed in four walls for 9 hours per day, when it was too much I felt like I needed to scream, I cried, felt my chest hurt, and the people talking around me were still too loud, I didn't know why. I WAS OVERESTIMULATED!

"We don't know what's wrong with you, you keep putting those things in your head" NOW YOU DO! I'M AUTISTIC AND THESE WERE MY AUTISTIC BEHAVIORS! YAY!

And to make matters worse, remember how I said that my parents said they didn't want me to find out that I'm autistic because I would use that to "play the victim"? These behaviors of mine that they condemned for so long were autistic behaviors. And now that I know what they are, I can't say that I have difficulties because of my neurodivergence, because for them, I'll be playing the victim.

I've always had these difficulties, such as sensitivity to loud noises. But if I say "my ears are sensitive because I'm autistic" my parents will say that I'm using that as an excuse for something. "before you found out, you didn't use that as a justification for everything" DON'T YOU SAY!

I have a neurodivergence. I have difficulties with it and I need support, I always did, but now I found out the reason and I need you to understand that my brain doesn't work like yours. But if I tell you "my brain doesn't work like yours" you'll say "stop using that to victimize yourself! You're ""normal""

No hell I'm not neurotypical. My world isn't the same as yours. How am I supposed to ask my parents for support when we're at a party and I'm feeling overestimulated and the noises are too loud, if they answer with "stop using this as an excuse"

They didn't told me this yet, but it's because I'm not mentioning my autism in front of them. Some time ago I was playing videogame with my brother and the volume was too loud, it happened once, I told him

"arrgggg turn down the volume, the sound is too loud and it hurts my ears",

my brother said "it doesn't hurt mine"

and I said "you know i'm autistic"

but then he started saying "ever since you found out you're autistic you've been playing the victim."

I tried to explain to him that I always were, and now I can explain where my behaviors came from. I said "if you discovered that something you endure with is actually because of your neurodivergence, wouldn't you explain it to people? After all you're not like everyone else, you need support in some areas" and he said "lol no I would only make jokes about it BC it's nothing at all" (he's the kind of boy who makes fun of it)

I don't wanna try to do this next to my parents. I will hear worse stuff and only be reminded about how my parents don't respect my boundaries. This week there was an interclass championship at my school, the noises were very loud, very very loud, my ears were hurting so much that I couldn't stand it to the point of not giving a damn about what the teachers would say about "staying on the court" and I just left running out of there with my ears covered, extremely overstimulated. My mother stopped by while I was still there, I don't know exactly what she was doing there, but she greeted me and everything. And at that time the entire stand started shouting about a goal, and I already had my ears covered and an extremely uncomfortable expression on my face. When I got home later I talked about how being on the court was stressful and there was a lot of noise, and she said "yeah, I saw you there"

And I just. Couldn't tell her about the struggle I was in and how this was related to me being autistic. Because she wouldn't understand.

[demonstars]

I saw the cty at the end of the username when the screenshot was shown and was just like "of course it was a q fan that started the mafia stuff." All because spreen hated the breakfast parasocial experiment that was those eggs lmao. Probably not the only reason, but wouldn't be surprised if that started the dislike for spreen

like to be clear spreen is also the dream of the hispanic community in terms of controversies so I'm sure ditching that server is not The Only Reason they hate him, but yeah

[streamdotpng]

WE NEED MORE MONSTERFUCKER WENCLAIR IN STREAMER ENID AU LORE— You mentioned that Glasses is a HUGE Wednesday Fan and is playing Yoko, that assumed, I feel like other fans and alike are also in the project and find out weird things about our favorite couple.

Some of them are just background actors and doing tiny gigs yet still catch a sight of the 9181827771 FOOT MONSTER suspiciously known as E. Addams and Miss Wednesday "I hate people" Addams herself being all sweet and shit. I just know that many people leaked stuff about them.

That being said, what would the cast interviews be like? Wednesday isn't that communicative and Enid is but how would she act next to her co-actors? Is she also the deep, dark, mysterious girl? Would Enid like Glasses? Would they remind Wenclair of their classmates? How would interview panels go? Since Enid is there, would she attend like all of them or just choose certain ones to go to?

Wednesday is probably seen as a legend. How do people feel seeing her with a newbie, no named, possibly monster being? How does her PR Team react to the monsterfucking allegations? Has E. Addams made any comment about the allegations? Has Wednesday responded? How about her fans like Endespair?

Someone on the set of the Untitled Movie Jenna recently acted on said that no one could take their eyes off her; When acting together, I'm sure Wenclair's chemistry is OFF THE CHARTS, is anyone mesmerized or impressed by their 'acting'?

Rumours about celebrities are always being spread— it wouldn't shock me if rumours about Wenclair DOING THE DEED ON SET ACTUALLY HAPPENED. I don't think they're that risky but if they were, I feel like they would be just like, "We were quiet though, and we never get caught!"

Fans can become crazy— what if they find Enid's old blog and find about Wenclair's sweet little relationship (of being besties and roomies) and history together? Will Wenclair be ever seen together outside of their job? Like paparazzi getting pictures of them doing normal stuff such as eating outside or buying groceries?

HOW DOD ALL OF THE CAST MEMBERS REACT WHEN THEY FIRST MET ENID? DID ANYTHING CHANGE AFTER A FEW MONTHS???? ARE WENCLAIR REALLU JUST GIVING US MONSTERFUCKER VIBES?????? WE NEED TO KNOWWWWW

Holy shit, U got no idea how excited I was to see such a long ask

Gimme a sec lemme use my braincells. I wouldn't be surprised if most of the peeps working on lunal curse are secret fans and admirers of Wednesday 💀

Not the random height for Enid, her og height was like 5'10 but rn it flipflopps bc the height diff is funny. There definitely is a lot of leaked photos, it's why despite Helios not being seen a lot for the trailers, people know that she's being played by E. Addams.

Idk abt cast interviews yet bc the show is still currently a wip, but there's a lot of new posts of people fangirling on being on set in some random forum somewhere.

Enid definitely likes glasses, she has that awkward flustered energy she could never see in yoko, it's pretty cute

Glasses is definitely passionate tho, so Enid respects the grind and she invited glasses for a breakfast someday.

For interviews, there's no way Wednesday is doing one without Enid. Before, she wouldn't even look at any official interview that wasn't just done on the spot and thus can't squeeze out off so producers just accept this newbie actor bc it means Wednesday Addams can be there.

I think interviews happen like... Midway through the show premiering or afterwards so people just really fawn over how excited Enid is for being there and the fact that Wednesday isn't that far apart from her. They're like clingy best friend goals! As some people say 😭

As for their chemistry, Helios and Viper gives a lot of unresolved sexual tension and it's low key suffocating on set when they're doing a scene

It turns off immediately when it's done however, bc Wenclair can't be far away for too long and they're just seen chatting and enjoying things together

Also E. Addams possibly being a monster can't even be considered. They see the teeth, the claws and the ears, it's hard to think she'd be anything but a werewolf

The PR team gave up and just goes with the cliche no response. Wednesday is known for making monster esque x normie shorts in her books, they can't say anything without potentially making the allegations worse.

Endespair's fans are definitely hyped asf at the rumor of Wednesday being a monsterfucker, theyre like 'one of us!' and some even say that endespair has a shot now.

Not Wenclair being said to do the deed on set.. Wednesday is shameless but she isn't going to expose Enid like that. They can be very intimate tho, like Wednesday has a hand under Enid's shirt or inside her pockets intimate. Not to mention the red marks that line Enid's arms or Wednesday's neck, the people on set learn to just be quiet

I FORGOT ENID HAD AN OLD BLOG.

I wouldn't be surprised if it got abandoned however :( their nevermore years was pretty stressful so Enid had other things to focus on. It definitely kick starts the theory that the forevermore series (aka the one based on Wenclair nevermore years) is just a retelling of Wednesday and E's school life.

Also yes, there definitely is a lot more pics of Enid and Wednesday hanging outside of work. If anything older pics of 'suitors' would resurface and make people realize that E had matching/similar scars, so they would go

'THEY KNEW EACH OTHER BEFORE THIS'

The cast meanwhile all have similar reactions to glasses. Enid came in rather late with Wednesday bc they both slept in, so the height diff kinda accentuated Enid's more monstrous features

They got more comfy as they continue filming but they definitely do side eyes when Enid yawns a lil bit too big and they catch sight of her fangs. It's also low key mesmerizing to see Enid's werewolf features appear during more intense scenes without need of effects

[smila-mac]

The gangs favourite tv shows and movies (modern stuff included)

~~

Ponyboy: Ponys favourite movie is The Breakfast Club, he just is fully in love with everything about it and he always cries. Always. He doesn’t really like TV shows but he likes watching The Good Place cause he likes going over the whole debate about whether Chidi should help Eleanor or not, if there isn’t something insightful or creative about a movie/tv show he doesn’t like it.

Johnny: when i tell you johnny never watches anything but gossip girl and 10 things i hate about you, i mean nothing. he tends to lean towards 10 Things I Hate About You only because he LOVES the romance between Kat and Patrick and he LIVES for Patrick singing to her. he’ll watch gossip girl when he wants something he can turn is brain off for cause he knows what happens.

Dally: Dally loves Brooklyn 99, he thinks it’s the funniest shit to ever exist. when he crashes at the curtis house all you’ll hear from the living room is ‘HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA’ cause Jake said something funny, Dallas doesn’t have the capacity to watch movies, unless he’s talking to someone.

(rest in peace andré braugher, my heart broke when I found out)

Soda: when i say I have absolutely no basis for this, this is solely vibes, community. Soda loves community and his favourite character is Troy, like he thinks Troy is hysterical. His favourite movie is titanic and he cries every time. EVERY TIME. Darry has woken up at 3 cause he heard crying, he walked into the living room, turned the light on and turned it back off when he saw soda watching titanic.

Darry: star-wars. Everything Star Wars. He watches everything including the new stuff cause he is convinced it will eventually get good, even though soda tells him it won’t. This man is convinced.

Steve: cars 💀. No, Steve’s favourite movie is shawshank redemption, he thinks it’s the best movie to ever exist and when soda tries to mention titanic he just shushes him aggressively and makes fun of him for crying whenever he watches it.

Twobit: friends. He thinks friends is comedic genius and can’t watch anything else (other than Mickey) Like Dallas, he doesn’t have the attention span to watch movies so he just sticks ti his twenty-minute tv shows

~~

A lot of people thought my last post was really funny so tysm 😋

~ Smila <3