#but i had a bad day
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snuggle in
@witchermonstermayhem
#the witcher#witchermonstermayhem#yuletidecalendar#little doodles#digital art#my art#sorry i'm posting at the last minute#and that i did not claim it#but i had a bad day#then i came to tumblr and saw the prompts list#and i thought maybe i could doodle something#and this happened#a kinda of modern au#with yennefer and tissaia snuggling by the fire after a long day#with silly socks#can you spot which one is yennefer's?
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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look at that transformation! well done, Belphie, you’ve defeated death!
#Belphegor#if it were a few years ago there wouldn’t have been anything to do#I would’ve had to watch him continue to bloat until he drowned in his own fluids#but now he gets to be a kitten! now he gets to live!#he’ll grow up and get fluffy and be with me for twenty years#he’ll get to be an old geezer with arthritis!#so many bad things happening every day but for once we get a solid win
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sometimes i randomly remember how insane maggie stiefvater was for making ronan lynch—a man that can create reality—a man of god, when he himself is a god of a man. then to take this man and have him be not only in love with, but a literal soulmate of a man named adam. parrish. adam parrish. who, mind you, lives above ronan's very own place of worship. and is the namesake of the first of mankind that the bible says god made from the literal dust of the ground (adam parrish: comes from nothing, hair "dusty" in color) and appoints him to care for the garden of eden (adam parrish: sacrifices himself to ronan's sentient forest). then has adam viewing ronan as a god and ronan saying "maybe he dreamt (created)" adam???? like who just fucking writes that and goes about their life?
#if i think about them too long i start going actually insane#maggie pay for my therapy bills please#me and my ignored religious trauma are literally have never been able to handle it#the raven cycle#pynch#ronan lynch#adam parrish#and the fact that i read the series pretty soon after i realized that pretending i believed in god was doing more harm than good and left#i was still a kid and had very bad undiagnosed ocd that made my implusive thoughts surrounding hell and eternal damnation and the end days#and it terrified me so much as a queer trans kid to realize i didnt believe but still had thoughts of that in my head and then to read this#series like a year or 2 later was brain altering for me#anyways where was i going with this#ahahahha#im having a moment#adam's last name is pretty self explanatory too like....miss girl
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#good omens#´hello friends!! how are you!!#I hope you're doing well! ( ´ ▽ ` )#I have a big cough but otherwise I am good! It's nothign bad I am just very slimey#usually I am not a cough person I am not sure where this is coming from#most of the time I just get a stuffy nose#has my nose gotten stronger#but there are good news too I have already found a VERY good chestnut to put into my pocket this autumn!! its very small! (❁´▽`❁)#it's been a very warm autumn in Germany so far so it has not really felt like fall yet#but yesterday it was all rainy and stormy and I had two new books and it was the best day possible to have a slimey cough (:#and now I feel SO much autumn I am close to buying a set of window colors#I do not know what I would to with the window colors I just have this strong urge in me to buy a window color set#the last time I did a window color was at the birtday of a class mate I think she turned 9 and I made a deer#but for some reason we did this craft 5 minutes before we all had to leave so we had to carry our window color deer home wet#unfortunatly for the deer and me I fell down the stairs of her house and smeared the deer all over me and i screamed the entire drive home#which wasn't very long but it probably felt very long for the mother who had a screaming child covered in window color deer inside her car
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oh my fucking god i don't have any clothesssss
#what moving to another country does to a mf...#it's like. i gotta shop for winter clothes ASAP#because i have like 2 sweaters and 1 sweatshirt like that's it LMAO#and a jacket i bought HERE#why did i not pack winter clothes when coming to fucking sweden you ask. good question#my baggage was already 30 kilos#im only one weak person#i already died that day due to my 30 kilo baggage many times#i had to ask random people to help me lmaoooooo the way i'd rather die than doing that in a normal day 😭#it was THAT bad..#and now i dont have anything proper to wear. fml#and i am so bad when it comes to clothes shopping like u have noooo idea#im terrible at shopping in general. :/#ughhhh i will try to do that this friday :////// hope i don't freeze in the meantime :////#🗒
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does anyone know how to stop the body from keeping score? i have shit to do
#i have shit to do but i'm so bad at both going to sleep and staying asleep that it's been fucking up my life for years at this point#yes this about accidentally sleeping through class this morning but in my defense i had an atomic tummy moment at like 6 am :( which is#kind of my point? an reason for missing sleep shouldn't stop me from participating in my own life and i'm tired of rationing my waking hours#if sleep was optional i would be unstoppable essentially but alas. alack even. specifically a lack of sleep.#girl all the saints have it out for me today for skipping church on a holy day of obligation i guess. well fuck those guys.#a post
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avenstelle dump. the silliests
#this spans like allll the way back to like. april LMAOO#i had it sooo bad for them#i still do honestly#in my head theyre very very good ok#these are just doodles + pieces i didn't feel like posting seperately#so there's still going to be a lot more in the coming days!#honkai star rail#hsr#stelle#aventurine#avenstelle#fanart#digital#doodles#my art
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i liked both
#my art#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#marcille donato#chilchuck tims#i had a bad day so i needed to draw chilchuck getting bullied. my apolocheese#not ship art btw but interpret however you want:)
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Burning Rotten Bridges
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#mianmian#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#JGY is nothing but outwardly calm and carrying on his duties as the chair for the meeting#but in that small pause after Nie Mingjue commemorates Mianmian for leaving...you can feel the tension.#Because Nie Mingjue comes from a place of privilege. He's always been in a position where his legitimacy and political standing-#-were never challenged. He didn't have to fight for respect. He was born into this world respected.#For people like Mianmian and JGY who clawed their way up from the bottom...this is a huge deal.#Truth be told I have a lot of things to say about what it means and feels to be in a position where leaving is messy.#There are times where the situation is bad but to leave means that those years of your life will have been for nothing.#That all the other suffering incurred will be fruitless. So you just *keep going*. Because it *has* to be worth it.#Because going back to what you were before is even more terrifying than the hell you are boiling in.#My concrete example for this is post-grad academia.#Because that cohort will have spent over a decade pursuing a goal and leaving means...well...it means throwing away those years.#It means losing (likely nearly all) your connections. It means going into debt you'll never pay off.#It means putting up with some pretty heinous abuse from your supervisor because what are you suppose to do? Leave?#Leaving is for those with the privilege to have options.#And even if you do have options...#Ultimately we would rather love the pain we know than risk the unknown. Hoping it's worth it one day.#With that mindset established; never say JGY should have just left like Mianmian. He couldn't. This was what he dedicated his life to.#He never had the option. Even if it seemed like he did - no he did not. He never conceived this ending ever happening for himself.
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[Day 364]
O7 For day 364 I decided to throw in a bit more food into the wild as a treat /SILLY
Designs by @gingermaple once again :D
#dddaily4sherin#sorry i am. 30 mins late i had technical difficulties (literally was in a car) and physical (fell asleep at one point) JFLJAKDMSKKA#WE STAY SILLY#desert duo#scarian#hermitshipping#hgcz roleswapverse#this HAS become basically dress up but listen it's Spectacle's fault ok#:D#maples designs are so pretty guysgsuysgsysyshebrn💥#the day before the last day this is. crazy#i hope i can get tmr done in time HDLAPALAHA GOD THIS IS SUCH BAD TIMING FOR ME IRL WISE LOL#o7o7o7#isdoodles
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uno reverse
#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#sorry to postin so much feel like im breaking some sorta unspoken rule but i gotta or i will forget to post it at all#mw#my art#recruits in the bathroom sobbin in confusion at soaps 180 in the mornin after drills. brutal. judgmental. no remorse.#sneerin dead eyed stare he oversees em with so unforgivin and cold to minor missteps#ghost is the nice one who seems to be glowing. bc the first time he exp'd soap on a bad day he nearly had a mental break down#thinkin he did somethin to piss him off but nope soap just borrowed the stick up ghost's ass for the day#eye black smears on fingies as a treat to myself#feel like im forgettin somethin wonder what it is hmm maybe its my lack of sleep 24hrs awake thas prolly it ye
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They're judging their sibling's life decisions, and they are not impressed.
(And to think Jason and Dami have pit-madness in their system)
#color study#My fanarts levels depends on my adhd serotonin#Procastination it is#But they are so prettyyy so i am happy#dc comics#damian wayne#fanart#dc#robin#jason todd#red hood#If i dont doodle my artstyle revert to anime and i need to restudy human face anatomy and sometimes i love it sometimes i dont#Right now i love it#apparently if i want to put two days worth of work on a fanart it doesnt look bad huh#Also been using orange and red again on my skintones...i have been warching this youtube shorts guy that gives advice for art corrections#And its great#Had mild colorblindness so dont know how it looked on you guys but for me it looked good enough#if i make it orange again then just blame it tk artistic freedom lol
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Another year, Another lesbian pride gown moment🌸
[Prints]
#deliart#pride 2024#jjba#jojo's bizarre adventure#jolyne cujoh#hermes costello#jolymes#stone ocean#I MADE IT . LAST DAY BUT I MANAGED TO FINISH IT BEFORE JUNE ENDED#This artwork file ended up with well over 500 layers#i would check the specifics but im not gonna open that thing and wait for a solid 3 mins for it to load LMAO#there are soo many things i wanna change and do differently but its the last day of pride month so times up!#wait i had to change a thing so i opened the clip file and we were on 546 layers not counting differently named ones#like copied layers. of which there are multiple. “layer 133 copy 2 copy 1”. its bad. im NOT gonna merge layers tho.#either way. i wanted the dress fabric layers to have a bit of a butterfly wing feel but i got a little sidelined#maybe ill make a more direct version next year?
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rise leo does know whats going on with his brothers, dont you worry
previous part | all comics in this crossover (chrono) | tip jar (kofi)
#tmnt#rottmnt#tmnt crossover#rise of the tmnt#tmnt 87#tmnt 1987#rise leo#rise donnie#rise raph#87 leo#87 donnie#87 raph#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt leonardo#tmnt donatello#tmnt raphael#bulbasturtlesforever2#art#my art#lemme be honest i was working on this the day before my cat died and uhhhhhhhhhhhhh#then my dog 2 weeks later and motivation and drive drained out of me n uh yeah couldnt do art for a while!#and i can no longer tell how funny this is or isnt#but i wanted to push myself into trying to finish it cuz it was an idea i had before i got toooooo sad to think of bits!#and at the time i remember thinking aw yeah this is something#sorry if the quality since the last one has gone down i was gonna try and do more but i didnt wanna be more bad and then more mad ahhhhh#<--- ignoring that sad shit 87 raph is a the most little brother coded little shit and he knows it
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He’s always had it in him.
A continuation of the Pop Rock Floyd series: here, here and here
#dreamworks trolls#trolls band together#trolls john dory#trolls floyd#trolls comic#trolls fanart#trolls 3#tbt#genrequeer floyd#transgenre Floyd#pop rock Floyd#my dumb trolls thought of the day#I just think it’d be funny if calm sensitive Floyd was a bad tantrum baby#he mellowed with age#had to post this again because of a formatting error#my bad#sorry for the confusion!
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