#but i guess it did take more than 20
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I want to write I want to make girls be weird about each other in MY word docs I want to have creative projects and goals againn :/
#but i am. so tired#i also don't want it to be something i'm forcing myself through because i feel like that always backfires#this year to me has really been about figuring out what is actually important to me and in what ways i can push myself to grow without#sending myself back to square one again#i can kind of feel myself gearing up to create things again and have wants and goals again but it is sooo slow#absolutely everything wipes me out mentally which i guess it always did but now i can like. comprehend it!#i know what is happening in there but i am so clumsy at working around it. i hadn't practiced that a lot before#it's taking like multiple years to recover from stuff that other people seem to recover from easily#it's sooo annoying and it's not really about feeling like i wasted my 20s anymore#i am where i am it was my life and i spent it the way i did so far. i just can't change that#it's more about like Wanting to do so many things and feeling like there is the potential for so much and feeling held back by my own self#there are so many things i want to try now that i'm doing more than bare minimum surviving and it's like i want them all at once#but i can't possibly do them all at least not yet there just is not time or energy or money to do them all right away#i have trouble prioritizing
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Not putting it in the tags of that post because it's only tangentially related but the notes of the moral panic post made me FINALLY realize why exactly it always feels wrong when people go, "You either disown Harry Potter OR you're a transphobe".
Like imagine if it was the satanic panic. "You either quit being a Christian OR you're personally responsible for this shit."
The Muslim panic (which is still going on btw)? "You either renounce your American (or British!) citizenship OR you're an Islamophobe."
Gay panic? Watch out, citizens of basically every country prior to just a few years ago and members of most religions even now. You're obligated to give it up.
Now far be it from me to say a piece of media is as important as a religion or citizenship, but... if you can see the problem with the extreme examples, you can hopefully see what's troublesome about the idea in general.
"This thing is tainted and therefore you must NEVER touch, lest you be BAD," is just... it's practically the definition of purity culture, isn't it? "Some vocal Christians are horribly homophobic, therefore Christianity ITSELF is evil." Like we can understand and express why it doesn't work like that, right?
So in the same way, we can see that, "The author who wrote this very popular book series became a horrible TERF years after the books were complete, therefore you have to renounce the series in its entirety even if it was incredibly formative for you," is... messed up. It's not good.
We shouldn't create moral panic or police people like this. If we do, we're no better than the people who are creating moral panic about and policing us.
#harry potter#purity culture#moral panic#a while back I made a post (did a tag rant??) about how it's unreasonable to dogpile people who like hp because you don't know who's trans#and who isn't and literally who are you to yell at trans folks and call them transphobic when... they'd really *really* know best right???#or even worse - as I've seen more than often enough - people decrying their actual trans friends because they like hp#like damn dude is that your friend or not??? you're not gonna take what they're saying as a trans person about trans issues onboard???#(it was put better in that post but anyway)#but even that never sat right with me because... it felt like it was missing the mark?#like this was a central fixture of the cultural zeitgeist for something like 20 years before Rowling started chugging the TERF juice#trans people shouldn't be the only ones with an “okay you can still like this I guess” bus pass when like#you could've been born the year the first book was released and BECOME AN ADULT before the transphobia came into the picture#disclaimer: I'm not at all saying that you HAVE to like hp trans or otherwise#literally that is 100% up to you and I do not have the slightest intention of influencing you in that regard#what I do hope to influence you on is in not shaming/dogpiling/cancelling/generally creating a purity culture around the media people like#hp included#thank you for reading
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#as somebody who is unfortunately probably older than a lot of other people here by now#lemme just do my thing and dispense wisdom nobody asked for once more#guess what adults also still crave that parenting they never got when they were younger too#or perhaps that overindulgent parenting that they got spoiled by and addicted to#emotionally my 88 year old grandma is still a child on the inside looking for her dad to tell her she did a good job#and if you don't take steps to be aware of it#and to cultivate self-worth and solace in something other than receiving that one specific thing#and learn to be present with the people around you and how to focus on what you can give to others as much as what you can receive#that craving never really goes away#you can spend your entire life with tunnel vision chasing it#the older people in your life probably still feel that craving just as strongly as you do#they just had to eventually come to terms with it somehow carry on and start trying to take care of the younger people as best they can#definitely hilarious when you realize you're like the parent figure to people when you're like omg no i still didn't get to be the baby yet#and often times you also will become the parent figure to people much older than yourself as well#including (perhaps) eventually your own parents#anyways i would say that explains a lot about the dumbness of adults of all ages#it definitely sucks but#i think the nice thing to do is to try to give the younger people more of the understanding and support that will hopefully help them#be well-adjusted and prepare#for their own fun times in their 20s and beyond#if you can#seeing it more as building community rather than engaging in competition is the goal for me these days#p
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...
#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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every time i show my mom any of my kpop fanart she just says "i really wish you'd branch out and draw something else for a change" 😐
#like wow mom thanks i was really proud of that one but i guess it means nothing to you 🧍#i keep hearing stories like 'i took my mom to the nct dream movie and now she biases mark' or something#which is so cute and so sweet#i guess i just wish my family also did more than barely tolerate it#part of the reason I haven't come out to any of them yet#like if they judge me for liking a hugely popular music phenomenon then I can't imagine they'd be jazzed about me being queer#and i guess this is also just related to my mom trying to control me in general#like I'm in my 20s I'm an adult#and I've lived on my own for a while now#i know how to take care of myself#in fact in therapy I'm finally learning how to listen to myself and trust myself#which is something that my mom directly sabotages whenever I'm home#telling me she knows what's best for me and she knows me better than i know myself and that i could never survive without her#if you couldn't already tell I've just come home for the holidays and SOMEONE PLS GET ME OUT OF HERE#personal
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pinocchio in neverafter really has me thinking like. i think that so much of being a kid and being in school is not being allowed to be a person. you can't go to the bathroom in class and you can't eat or drink in class and you can't talk back or argue if you believe something is unfair. and kids are never allowed to have reasons only excuses. in elementary school the teacher would ask why i was late and id be like well i had to- and he would cut me off and be like i don't want to hear an excuse. THEN WHAT AM I MEANT TO SAY. WHY WAS I NOT ALLOWED THE SAME NUANCE AND AGENCY YOU WOULD GIVE TO SOMEONE YOU SAW AS A PERSON.
because of your arrangement of your parents upbringing you everything you have belongs to someone else because you don't have your own money and they can take it away if they want to because everything you have can become something you don't deserve or something you owe if you step out of line. and this isn't even particularly bad experiences i didn't have necessarily bad teachers (though i think i have better ones now or maybe it's just that im in in high school so i'm treated like a person) or bad parents these are just general conditions of being a kid. if you're playing with a toy in class it gets confiscated. if you don't do your homework your mom takes away your books/phone/computer etc
#i think it's really funny i started this by talking about a dimension 20 character and then did not talk about dimension 20 at all#i don't have a fix i don't have a recommendation all i know is im young enough to remember when it was like that and still get scared that#my mom will take my computer if my grades are low even though at some point that relationship changed. and i don't know when or why i was#deemed allowed to have control over my things#this is more dramatic than it is i guess but it just makes me so forlorn like what the fuck was that#alex talks
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the only thing that could be funnier than getting back a w2 form for the job I worked for (1) day last year for a tax return of (less than 5 dollars) would be actually taking the time to File It to Receive my (less than 5 dollars) ...
#laughed for like 20 minutes when i opened the w2 BRO...#idk why but i assumed if it was under a certain amount of money they didnt send them..GUESS I WAS WRONG....#like objectively bad thing did happen BUT THIS being the outcome is VERY very funny#also ive been having a Good day so this made me laugh more than it upset me lol#i cleaned and vaccuumed :-) which ive been putting off for weeks...#and yesterday i took my nephew 2 mcdonalds n got him a happy meal AND a mcflurry bc i love him. and let him play on the indoor playground :#...my anxiety rly could not handle the amount of screaming kids for more than like an hour but he had fun TwT so that was nice#felt like a nice lil Thing to do...bonding with the Boy. if i had less medical bills and more spending money id take him out for a Day#smth w trains bc he loves those...the nearest lil trainride stuff is like an hour away but...reason 23424 to get a Job and Keep it ig!#i wanna be the fun uncle/aunt whatever the gender neutral term for that is....#sanchoyorambles
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Eldest Sibling Tournament — Quarterfinals
#love dean but he only had one sibling to deal with#dicks had at least 10-15 siblings (conservatively guessing) not to mention lead his own team#AND took over the entire batfamily clan when bruce went missing#AND kept them pretty uncodependent all things considered#AND his baby brother also died when he was ≈20 and he managed to handle an entire new sibling on top of his elderly grandfather#and incredibly emotionally unstable father#AND he is able to leave his siblings and let them move on/let himself move on from the family and not drag them back into their life#AND he took his fathers (incredibly stressful) place as the head of the family and helped to lead the justice league while grieving said#father despite the fact that he never wanted the role#look i love dean. i do i swear. but as good of a brother/parent he is. objectively that whole relationship was toxic as fuck.#like deans entire life is pinned on sam. despite being incredibly meaningful that puts so much pressure on sam#and i agree that sam was probably happier hunting than not but dean has shown to#disregard sams opinions and choices when he disagrees with him. and granted often times i agree that sams decisions have a tendency to#be shit he should be allowed to make them and be trusted to know what he wants#all in all as much as i love dean he simply does not trust sam to make good choices which is an issue when hes a fully grown adult#dick however is able and willing to trust his siblings to make their own choices and mistakes (granted i probably would have kicked up#a bit more of a fuss when it came to kid robin after jason died)#but he can trust his siblings to be smart and have his back.#and he did help train tim so that probably helped him w/ the whole robin post-jason situation#hes also willing to let his younger brother (17-18) who albeit is a genius take charge of the families entire company which ya know#is kinda wild to me but he doesnt seem to mind.#batfamily#supernatural
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i'm ngl it's incredible how unpolished genshin is despite how much money it racks in
#like this is all minor shit in the end but for a game that makes more money than i could ever wipe my ass with. kinda cring#voice clips get cut off mid dialogue sometimes#or they don't match the subtitles#The Same tutorial for how to increase your adventure rank comes up when the game locks you out of a quest until you rank up#paimon's voice clips consistently refer to the player as she even when you pick to play as the guy#you have to retrigger dialogue with the adventurer's guild npc for each type of reward you want to claim#like. wanna claim daily commissions ? talk to them. adventure rank rewards ? talk to them Again. expeditions ? guess what!!!!#instead of just sending me back to the dialogue options. so i have to hear aD aStRa AbYsSoSqUe every 5 seconds#the screen where you change your current team members takes... loading ??? for some reason ??????? huh???????????????#it's just a fucking png background with some animated elements like leaves flying by and 4 character models. what are you loading#when you pull a character they play a voice clip that lasts like fucking 20 seconds and Sure you can skip it but#most games stick to like. One line of dialogue or catchphrase. these mfers are telling me their entire mcdonalds order#now that i think about it Why do i have to talk to an npc to claim rewards from dailies. you put a claim rewards button there#but all it does it take me to the map so i can teleport to the npc ???? Broe.#there was a quest where i had to give an item to an npc and when i gave it to him it did y'know the usual ''oh thank you blabla'' dialogue#except the screen went black in the middle of it so it could Load the model for the item next to the NPC#and then blacked out again so it could Unload it ??? mid dialogue?????????#this could have been a) just fucking loading the thing on screen normally b) Not loading the item in at all#the daily check in isn't in game. you have to go to the website with your browser. bro WHAT
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playing science telephone
Hi folks. Let's play a fun game today called "unravelling bad science communication back to its source."
Journey with me.
Saw a comment going around on a tumblr thread that "sometimes the life expectancy of autism is cited in the 30s"
That number seemed..... strange. The commenter DID go on to say that that was "situational on people being awful and not… anything autism actually does", but you know what? Still a strange number. I feel compelled to fact check.
Quick Google "autism life expectancy" pulls up quite a few websites bandying around the number 39. Which is ~technically~ within the 30s, but already higher than the tumblr factoid would suggest. But, guess what. This number still sounds strange to me.
Most of the websites presenting this factoid present themselves as official autism resources and organizations (for parents, etc), and most of them vaguely wave towards "studies."
Ex: "Above And Beyond Therapy" has a whole article on "Does Autism Affect Life Expectancy" and states:
The link implies that it will take you to the "research studies" being referenced, but it in fact takes you to another random autism resource group called.... Songbird Care?
And on that website we find the factoid again:
Ooh, look. Now they've added the word "some". The average lifespan for SOME autistic people. Which the next group erased from the fact. The message shifts further.
And we have slightly more information about the study! (Which has also shifted from "studies" to a singular "study"). And we have another link!
Wonderfully, this link actually takes us to the actual peer-reviewed 2020 study being discussed. [x]
And here, just by reading the abstract, we find the most important information of all.
This study followed a cohort of adolescent and adult autistic people across a 20 year time period. Within that time period, 6.4% of the cohort died. Within that 6.4%, the average age of death was 39 years.
So this number is VERY MUCH not the average age of death for autistic people, or even the average age of death for the cohort of autistic people in that study. It is the average age of death IF you died young and within the 20 year period of the study (n=26), and also we don't even know the average starting age of participants without digging into earlier papers, except that it was 10 or older. (If you're curious, the researchers in the study suggested reduced self-sufficiency to be among the biggest risk factors for the early mortality group.)
But the number in the study has been removed from it's context, gradually modified and spread around the web, and modified some more, until it is pretty much a nonsense number that everyone is citing from everyone else.
There ARE two other numbers that pop up semi-frequently:
One cites the life expectancy at 58. I will leave finding the context for that number as an exercise for the audience, since none of the places I saw it gave a direct citation for where they were getting it.
And then, probably the best and most relevant number floating around out there (and the least frequently cited) draws from a 2023 study of over 17,000 UK people with an autism diagnosis, across 30 years. [x] This study estimated life expectancies between 70 and 77 years, varying with sex and presence/absence of a learning disability. (As compared to the UK 80-83 average for the population as a whole.)
This is a set of numbers that makes way more sense and is backed by way better data, but isn't quite as snappy a soundbite to pass around the internet. I'm gonna pass it around anyway, because I feel bad about how many scared internet people I stumbled across while doing this search.
People on quora like "I'm autistic, can I live past 38"-- honey, YES. omg.
---
tl;dr, when someone gives you a number out of context, consider that the context is probably important
also, make an amateur fact checker's life easier and CITE YOUR SOURCES
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finally went to the trouble of getting sims 3 & 4 downloaded on my steam deck and got literally about ten minutes in before i realised i'm not fuckin running that shit on my steam deck lmao. it's not fun enough to justify running the fan that much and heating it up like that for even 4 hours. even bg3 runs better. people have killed computers with sims games because they heat your shit up so bad. i'm not doing it to a device i value. so i guess i'll delete them now lol. 🥴
#it told me not to run more than a couple of my $20 expansion packs at a time so i won't break the game#and then it told me that if i make a save with certain packs if i change packs later it'll slightly bust it#and then the loading screen took forever which reminded me of how when i'd been playing it a lot sometimes it would take 20+ minutes#because the more you play the harder it is to open#and the fan started blasting and did not stop#the graphics didn't look good anymore and i couldn't quite scale the ui like i wanted#like.. this isn't worth my time anymore#i'm 28#it's a miracle when i can sit down to play anything#i'm not playing this stupid shit!!#i guess i'm over it#my self-esteem is too high now lmao#adam yaps
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⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 ⏖ ’ early morning moments with skz !
⁺ 𖹭 . genre: fluff! jisung's a tiny bit suggestive
⁺ 𖹭 . a/n: since i've done late night moments with them, i think it's only fitting i write this as well! enjoyy <33 pls let me know your thoughts by reblogging or leaving a comment <3 (inspired by some of these prompts <3)
𝜗୧ chan 𝜗୧
You’ve been awake for a while now, snuggling and holding each other close as half of your body was on top of your boyfriend’s, almost latching onto him like a koala bear without shame. And he didn’t mind, Chan never did, content with being glued to you in every situation, hugging you so tightly like he wanted you to morph into one, the same entity kept alive by the beating of a singular heart.
“You fell asleep in the first 20 minutes of the movie last night.” You whisper, drawing random shapes on his exposed pecs, laying in the crook of his neck. Chan makes an apologetic sound before he’s interrupted by a yawn, stretching his arms above his head and letting one fall to curl around your middle. “Sorry, baby. I guess I was pretty tired.”
Tired is an understatement, and you laugh, lazily reaching for your phone on the nightstand to show him exactly what you’re talking about, with him tugging you right back to his chest when you stretch too far. There is a picture of Chan, sitting on the couch with his head thrown back and mouth open, snoring away while the movie he’s been begging you to watch together was rolling in the background.
The laugh he lets out is quieter than usual, the remains of sleep obvious in his half-closed eyes and deeper voice. “Damn, I was out like a light.”
You continue cuddling for a while before agreeing it’s time to start your day, reluctantly separating and sitting up at the end of the bed, adopting the same stance.
He’s still mumbling about something when you notice his hair sticking out in every direction, reaching out to tame the curls before stealing a kiss which only makes your boyfriend want another, and another until twenty minutes have passed and you’re still in bed, snuggling and making out like the world outside your bedroom did not exist.
𝜗୧ minho 𝜗୧
“Minho.” You whisper, tossing and turning under the blanket to face him, peering at his sleeping face. Your boyfriend was on his back, resting peacefully, unaware of the godly beauty he possessed, one people would surely go to war for, chest rising and falling rhythmically.
He doesn’t respond so, you try again. “Minho!” this time, he scrunches his nose cutely and rolls over, away from you and your antics he was too tired to be a victim of this early in the morning.
“Minho, are you awake yet?” You know what they say, third time is the charm because your boyfriend responds instantly, voice loud and clear, the opposite of your soft tone which takes you by complete surprise. “No.”
“Oh, okay.” you whisper, feeling bad for disturbing him. “Sorry.” you almost turn on your side and succumb to slumber before it hits you. Without warning, you swing a leg over his torso before rolling yourself over him to land on the other side of the bed, ignoring all his groans in protest.
“Liar!” You’re nose to nose now and Minho barely gets to open his eyes before you push his shoulder, causing him to fall on his back as you climb to straddle him. You waste no time leaning down and connecting your lips in a sweet kiss, cupping his cheeks and squeezing affectionately. As much as he wanted to complain, Minho couldn’t help but smile against your lips, body melting into the mattress while one of his veiny hands moved to rest on your exposed thigh, needing to feel more of you.
He should lie more often if this is the reward he gets.
𝜗୧ changbin 𝜗୧
“Binnie.” You’re gentle as you brush curly hair strands from his forehead, smiling when he instantly leans into your touch. “My love, I know you’re awake.”
“Then you should also know I hate waking up to an empty bed.” He pouts, eyes still closed stubbornly. With the same fond smile, you roll your eyes, hand dropping down to slowly trace his every feature, knowing he could never resist you.
“I had a good cause, I promise.” When he doesn’t budge, you reach for the tray on the nightstand and place it across his lap, over the blanket, careful his smoothie doesn’t spill over. “I made breakfast.”
Just like magic, his eyes snap open and he sits up so quickly you wonder if he got whiplash that was instantly cured by the smell of his favorite breakfast. His eyes sparkle as his gaze moves back and forth from the tray to you, so touched and grateful as he takes it all in, noticing the effort you put in so early in the morning just to cook a feast and surprise him with breakfast in bed. Nobody’s ever done something like this for him, love him so deeply and openly. Is this what being the luckiest man in the world felt like?
“I love you.” The words stumble out without second thought, eyes misty, forgetting all about being upset and giving you attitude. When you laugh, he does too, carefully leaning over the food to kiss you, the love of his life that adored him in the exact same way he adored you.
Love is the greatest gift he’s ever received and as selfish as it sounds, Changbin hopes you’ll continue loving him this way for the rest of your shared lives, that you’ll always remain by his side. He promises to continue eating your cooking even when you’re both old and grey, impaired taste and all.
𝜗୧ hyunjin 𝜗୧
The early hours of the morning found you in the arms of your beloved, sleeping away, undisturbed by the outside world and its people who were already hurrying around to get to work on time. You won’t be joining them today, nor will the man whose warmth was currently engulfing you whole, creating a safe love bubble you never wanted to burst.
Your face was buried in his chest, the soft material of his t-shirt moving with each breath he took, his heartbeat rocking you to sleep every time your eyes opened to check the time. Old habits die hard, but Hyunjin always manages to calm your racing mind even from dreamland.
Half an hour later, when the sun starts to peek through the drawn curtains, you’re awakened by tiny paws jumping on the bed, breathing and barking loudly. So much for sleeping in. Hyunjin’s eyes open with a smile, arms tightening their hold on your middle as he brings you even closer, resting his chin on top of your head while squeezing tightly. Morning cuddles were a must, even if your boyfriend’s other baby was too impatient to be let out to allow you to enjoy them to the fullest.
“Good morning, love.” He greets you with a kiss, lingering there for the briefest moment before finally tearing himself from you, giggling down the hallway as he quickly goes to allow Kkami on the terrace.
He comes back rambling about something that happened at a schedule the other day, blinking the sleep away as he hands you a water bottle, yawning here and there. Unfortunately for him, you’re not listening, too distracted by the way his plump lips move and his husky voice, the words going in one ear and out the other as your inner monologue takes over.
“Your morning voice is so hot.” Hyunjin stops mid-sentence, momentarily taken aback before he bursts out laughing, dramatically collapsing back into bed and reaching for your hand to hold. “What?”
You nod, now sitting up against the headboard, eyes still zoned in on his pink and wet lips, enthralled. “Tell me more, baby. What did Chan do?” “He wasn’t even there!” See, not paying attention at all. But who could blame you when your boyfriend couldn’t take the hint and finally kiss you again?
𝜗୧ jisung 𝜗୧
“I had a dream about you.” Jisung perks up from his place on your chest, the TV running idly in the background, showing a random cartoon. “Was I hot?” “You cheated on me.”
He gasps dramatically but doesn’t move, too comfortable as you continue running your fingers through his freshly dyed hair, almost lulling him back to sleep. “Asshole move, dream me. Off with his head!.”
You chuckle, kissing the top of his head and turning into a puddle once he begins leaving wet kisses on your neck, apologizing or most likely trying to distract you from how he’s been acting in your dream. It was working, because you lost your train of thought a couple of times before managing to speak again, eyes fluttering shut.
“You were very mean, actually.” Jisung hums against your neck, licking the skin before his kisses move downwards, to your collarbones, warm hands holding you down by the waist, touch burning pleasantly through your thin clothing.
“I’m sorry, baby.” He props his head up, chin resting right above your chest as his eyes bore into yours with a familiar intensity. “Please let me make it up for you.”
That’s what he says but ten minutes into making out and caressing each other’s bodies, his head falls tiredly to his previous place on your chest and you’re both out like a light, the warmth and cloudy weather of the early morning casting the spell of sleep on your forms and trapping you in bed for another three hours.
𝜗୧ felix 𝜗୧
You were not a morning person, it was a well-known fact by everyone in your life. Especially by your boyfriend who usually stayed up to keep you company, talking the hours away and giggling under the blankets until you both passed out just as the moon was retiring for the day.
So, you’re more than perplexed when one very early morning, you feel a warm hand caressing your cheek, followed by soft lips peppering feather-like kisses on every inch of your face, coaxing you awake.
“Baby,” his deep voice calls, barely above a whisper to not scare you, leaving a kiss on the corner of your mouth this time, “wake up, angel.”
You make a face, eyes still closed in protest and make to turn over, away from him until you feel the bed dip and his hand in your hair, massaging the scalp gently. Was Felix trying to wake you up or lull you back to sleep? Pretty sure he was just as confused.
When he leans down again, hovering over your face, your arms spring up and lock at the back of his neck, quickly bringing him down and bumping your noses together. You see his eyes widen, inhaling sharply as he realizes what you’re about to do and dodges your kiss last second, lips landing on his cheekbone instead.
Groggy and grumpy from being woken up this early, you pout, relaxing under his weight as his chest presses yours down. “Kiss me!” Felix chuckles and shakes his head, hands on either side of your head holding him up. “Not until you wake up and join me in the kitchen.” Once he sees you shake your own head and move to try and kiss him again, he adds. “I have a surprise!”
Now why didn’t he say so from the beginning? You release him but he doesn’t move away immediately, smiling from ear to ear before kissing your forehead and scooping you out of bed in one swift movement, strong arms under your knees as he giggles and jogs towards the kitchen, face brightening up when a smile finally graces your features.
𝜗୧ seungmin 𝜗୧
Every single morning, Seungmin was the first to wake up without fail, reaching for you to bring your body to his chest and cuddle until you also did, just laying there since he never wanted you to wake up alone.
That’s why when you woke up earlier than usual, with his chin resting on your shoulder and hot breath hitting your cheek, you didn’t hesitate to move around and bring the blanket further up your bodies, making sure you were both covered and comfortable among the many pillows.
“Your feet are cold.” But Seungmin doesn’t respond, legs intertwined and body still glued to yours like he never wanted to let go, couldn’t. You sneak a glance over your shoulder and find his eyes closed, long eyelashes kissing the top of his cheeks as he rested, sleeping deeply. For the first time since you’ve known him, Seungmin didn’t smile in greeting as you woke up, still sleeping soundly like it was the most normal thing in the world.
It felt a bit strange, but your heart only grew as you watched him, admiring his side profile and the peaceful look on his face, the furrow between his eyebrows absent as dreamland took care of him.
You never got the chance to do this, wake up first and let your thoughts run wild as you resist the urge to squeeze his cheeks and plant kisses all over his face, love pouring out at a dangerous pace, threatening to suffocate him at any moment. Not like Seungmin would mind, adoring you too much to not allow you to do whatever you pleased.
As careful as you can be, one of your hands trails down and intertwines your fingers, gently bringing your connected hands to your chest as you curl further into him, content with getting more cuddle time, loving every single moment.
𝜗୧ jeongin 𝜗୧
“Did you know you talk in your sleep?” You mumble into his neck, squeezing your eyes shut as you try to hide from the obnoxious sunlight that is threatening to take your lover away with the start of a new day.
Jeongin laughs, incredulous. “No way! I’ve had countless roommates and none of them have ever complained about me randomly rambling in my sleep.” He headbutts you affectionately, almost like a cat, and snuggles closer, also bothered by the sun but too lazy to get up and close the curtains he forgot about last night.
“I’m not complaining.” Looking up, you share a breath as you move to plant a small kiss on his nose, smiling when it scrunches up in fake annoyance, knowing your boyfriend loved morning cuddles as much as you did. “I actually think it’s kind of endearing.”
He rolls his eyes, big hand drawing circles on your back under the blanket, soothing you in an attempt to get you both to fall back asleep. Mornings were not his thing, and he really didn’t want to leave you, clingier than usual. The bed was so warm, and you were so soft and smelt so good, how could he ever think about leaving? Not like he’d ever admit it out loud.
“What did I say?” He chooses to entertain you, stretching his whole body before bringing the blanket over your heads and moving his arms to hug you, turning on his side so you’re face to face. You pause, momentarily mesmerized by his beauty, messy hair and puffy eyes only making him look even more adorable in your eyes. Tracing his bottom lip, he puckers them to gently kiss your finger. “I don’t know, I don’t speak gibberish.”
He groans, regretting he asked and hiding his face in his pillow. “You also snore.” “I do not!”
#stray kids#skz#stray kids x reader#skz x reader#stray kids headcanons#skz headcanons#stray kids fluff#stray kids imagines#stray kids fanfic#skz fluff#bang chan x reader#lee know x reader#changbin x reader#hyunjin x reader#han jisung x reader#felix x reader#seungmin x reader#jeongin x reader
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glitter & crimson
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7
“Marry.”
“What?”
“Marry. He’s hot, I’m not gonna kill him.”
“Eddie, we’re not playing FMK; you’re supposed to be telling me his name.”
“Oh. That’s…. Joe Jonas.”
“…he’s literally from Hawkins. And he’s holding a hockey stick.”
“Nobody from Hawkins is that hot, man, no way.”
~~~
Gareth posts the clip to his personal TikTok. Before he can get around to reposting it on Corroded Coffin’s band account, it has more than 100k views. Things only spiral from there, because once the band shares it, the video goes more viral and ends up on the screens of the right people.
chiblkhwks: harrington94 is social media challenged, but we’re going to make sure he sees this. Will keep you posted.
The comment is immediately overshadowed by a busy day of PR. A photoshoot to an interview to a radio show to the green room at the Fillmore in Boston, before an intimate pre-album release show for members of their fan club. Eddie has completely forgotten about the video entirely, but Gareth’s phone pings with a text notification.
“A response has been issued!” He declares to the room, still grinning down at the screen of his phone.
The rest of the band shares a collectively confused look, all seeming pleased to find they’re not alone in whatever they’ve missed.
“What?” Jeff asks for the group.
In lieu of an explanation, Gareth just flips the phone in his hand around to show a TikTok, stitched with the clip they’d made earlier that morning.
~~~
“Marry. He’s hot, I’m not gonna kill him.”
#Stitch
“Is… is that supposed to be a compliment?” Steve asks, making a pinched face as he laces up his skates.
“You watched the whole video. He compared you to Joe Jonas.” The girl behind the camera responds, but he levels her with an unimpressed look. She doesn’t respond, and after a beat, he sighs.
“Yeah, alright, I guess Joe Jonas is hot. I’ll take the compliment.” He huffs, standing to his feet and moving from the bench he’d been suiting up on toward the ice. The girl follows him, gliding toward the net once they're in the rink, never falling out of pace with him.
“Do you know who it is talking in the video?” She presses, and Steve looks unimpressed again.
“You mean the other hot guy?” He asks with a grin, then nods. “That was Eddie. I’m surprised you don’t know him, the Party listens to Corroded Coffin all the time.”
The video loops back to the stitched clip from Gareth’s initial TikTok then. Everyone in the room processes what just unfolded.
“The Party? Did… did Steve Harrington just make a reference to DnD? Or is that some sports thing I dont understand?” Jeff asks.
Freak raises his hand, indicating he’s next to speak. “Not only that, but his nerdy DnD friends listen to us all the time?”
“Did King Steve call Joe Jonas hot?” Eddie asks, visibly still trying to connect the wires in his brain that fried at Steve’s agreement. “Did he call me hot?”
All three turn toward Eddie, whose face is still reflecting the long form math equation his brain is trying to work out, and Jeff sighs.
“Well, boys. I think we’ve officially lost him.” He says, bowing his head. Freak and Gareth join him solemnly, making Eddie huff and cross his arms over his chest.
“You’re all so dramatic.”
“Gee, I wonder who encouraged us to be this way,” Freak exaggerates through a grin, before shoving a guitar into Eddie’s chest, just in time for Paige to open the door and summon them.
“We can have a meltdown over Harrington after the gig,” Gareth promises with a pat to Eddie’s back as everyone moves around him, exiting the green room and heading for the stage.
~~~
Riding his post-show high, Eddie makes a bold move in the CC band TikTok, commenting under the video Steve had stitched.
corrodedcoff!n: we’ll be in chicago 1/26 if harrington94 and ‘the party’ are free 🎫
He only gets about 20 minutes of peace before Gareth is jumping around, proclaiming himself the greatest wingman in history.
“It’s an offer for free concert tickets made over social media, and he hasn’t even answered, Gare Bear.” Eddie tries to get him to relax, but he, too, is eager to see how the other reacts to the offer.
He wakes up the next morning to the answer he’d been waiting on, and his stomach flips as he reads it over.
harrington94: only if you guys come to the home game 1/27 🏒
__________
Steve doesn’t even bat an eye when Max shoves her way into the locker room, b-lining straight for him.
“Can I help you?” He asks without looking up, unhooking the padding from his calf and letting it drop to the ground in front of his locker.
“Are you using TikTok to publicly flirt with Eddie Munson?” She asks, voice quieter than he’d typically expect from her, but he just scoffs.
“I’m just being friendly! You’re the one who started this in the first place! What, you didn’t expect me to log on and check if they’d responded?” He asks in response, freeing his foot from the skate, before placing a cover over the blade and letting the boot drop into the lower shelf beside his locker.
“I’m just confused because you’ve been super weird about coming out, and now you’re out here hitting on a rockstar all over social media, that’s all.” Max says, and Steve freezes for a moment.
“Do you…” he trails off, before closing his eyes and rubbing a thumb into his temple. “You really think I just accidentally came out?”
“You called Joe Jonas and Eddie Munson hot, encouraged this rockstar to come to your game when he’s in town and also accepted tickets to see him perform, Steve.” Max was monotone, and held her hands up defensively when he groaned. “I’m not starting anything, I’m just saying that this could get blown out of proportion now.”
They discuss a little further, deciding neither of them will publicly acknowledge anything that’s been posted to the account for now, until they actually come up with a plan.
Once he’s in his car heading home, Steve calls Robin.
“Dingus,” she greets, as always, and he lets out a grumble. “Uh oh. What happened?”
“I think I accidentally came out on the internet, and it’s Eddie Munson’s fault.” He’s met with several seconds of silence as he starts his car on the path to him and Robin’s shared apartment.
“Eddie, the drug dealer from high school?” Robin eventually asks, confused, and Steve groans again.
“Yeah. He uh, also is in a band?” He supplies, and Robin’s quiet for a moment as she processes. Then, he hears the tapping of a keyboard. “What are you doing?”
“Looking Eddie up, obviously.” Steve can practically see her eye roll, even though they’re not FaceTiming. “You’re nothing if not consistent, I guess. Doe-eyed curly brunet.”
Steve scoffs. “You say as though you’re not the one currently waking up beside Nance every morning.”
He’s met again by a short silence, before Robin lets out a little puff of air, in a small laugh. “Thank you again for being so cool about that, by the way.” She says, before he hears clicking on her end. “Apparently, Eddie is out as bi. Corroded Coffin does a charity show for the Trevor Project every year, and he’s been to a lot of Pride events.”
Steve’s stomach twists with each new bit of information she provides, because a part of him wants to be that out, wants to be like Robin or apparently Eddie, freely sharing that part of themselves with the world and having no one give a shit. But that’s not how it works on so many levels for Steve. Beside the shit he’d have to deal with on the ice from certain other players, he had no idea how it would impact the team overall. There’s no way to gauge how fans would react, when there’s never been an openly gay player in the NHL. And that didn't even begin to touch on how his parents would react.
“Hey,” Robin breaks him out of his spiral and he realizes he’s been chewing a hole into his cheek. “I can hear how loud you’re thinking right now. Do you need me to come home?” She asks, gently, and he sighs.
“Please.” He mumbles after a long pause, and is grateful when he hears the jingle of car keys from the other end of the phone.
~~~
Robin scrolls through article after article once she gets to their place, pulling Steve onto the sofa with her and laying his head in her lap. Her fingers twist through his hair, doing her best to keep him calm as she reads up on the situation playing out to try and help gauge how big of a hole he’s dug himself this time.
“I don’t think there’s really anyone who thinks you were flirting with him. Not seriously, at least.” She tries to assure him, but he’d already seen the twitter posts to contradict that before she came over. He sighs and rolls onto his back, so he’s looking up at her, and shrugs.
“I kind of don’t think there’s any avoiding it, at this point.” He mumbles. “I’m not… I’m not ready to come out, not like this. Not on this scale. I think the only thing I can do is carry on and hope it doesn’t get turned into any bigger of a deal.”
Robin hums down at him, and continues to brush his hair back out of his eyes. “Okay. So you don’t come out yet. But don’t overcompensate for it, okay?” He scrunches his face up at her, and she types something into her phone before turning it back into his face. He immediately pales, met with a photo of him out with Heidi last year. With a black eye on full display, he looks miserable behind a fake smile.
“Low blow,” he grumbles, pushing himself away from Robin to sit up beside her, and she raises her eyebrow at him, still holding the photo pointed in his direction.
“‘Maybe they won’t notice or ask why my literal teammate punched me in the face at practice if I take a fucking supermodel out to dinner.’” Robin’s imitation is a little too good, a sure sign of too much time spent together.
“Hey, it worked, didn’t it!” He asks, taking the phone off of her and closing out of the image before locking it. He drops it back into her lap with a sigh. “I just don’t know how many times I can keep getting away with hiding it.”
“Well, it helps that Billy got traded out to LA. He would be insufferable about this, and would absolutely make everything 10 times worse.” Robin muses.
Steve sighs and hesitates for a moment before dropping his head back into her lap, curling into her. “I just want it to be on my terms, when I’m ready.”
“We’ll figure it out, and it’ll all be okay, no matter what. Okay?” She assures quietly, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek.
His phone dings with a new notification; Max texted him a screenshot from TikTok.
corrodedcoff!n: you’ve got yourself a deal 🤝🏻
#hockey player!steve#rockstar!eddie#Eddie Munson#Steve Harrington#Steddie#should I keep going?#lmk if anyone is interested in part 2#anti billy hargrove#hockey au#Steddie hockey au#Steddie rockstar au#starkidmunson writes#glitter & crimson
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Stealing Baby Norris » Carlos Sainz ft. Lando Norris
summary: when carlos sainz is revealed as the new mclaren driver your brother lando is happy to introduce you. what happens though as a relationship strikes up and carlos finds himself on the way to ferrari?
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc and 1,025,482 others
carlossainz55: having the best time in papaya, thank you to everyone who has welcomed me so far 🏎️🧡
tagged: mclaren
64,291 comments
mclaren: glad to have you onboard, looking forward to working with you carlos!
username1: carlos + lando = the dream pairing
username2: how does this man manage to pull off every damn colour
landonorris: can’t wait to get going with you dude, we’re in for a great season together
carlossainz55: @/landonorris it’s gonna be a great ride 🏎️🏁
carlossainz55: @/landonorris ps when’s the next norris family dinner I get to attend
username3: wait carlos went for dinner round lando’s house…that’s so cute
username4: @/username3 that means he would’ve gotten to meet all the siblings too 🥺
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by ynusername, georgerussell63 and 829,402 others
landonorris: already found me a new best friend to annoy for the season 🥰
tagged: carlossainz55
72,225 comments
mclaren: our views will be through the roof this year with content from you two
carlossainz55: it’s been two days and already you make me want to scream
username5: this duo just screams trouble
username6: handsome, funny, talented, carlando are the dream pairing
ynusername: @/carlossainz55 you have my sympathies, I’ve been dealing with his nonsense for over 20 years
carlossainz55: @/ynusername how have you survived?? pls teach me your ways
ynusername: @/carlossainz55 let’s catch up next race and I’ll share all my tips 📗
carlossainz55: @/ynusername I’ve got my notebook ready!
username7: not y/n and carlos interacting on the gram
username: anyone else left thinking carlos and y/n would make a great couple
alex_albon: if carlos lasts more than a season with you I’ll give you a thousand pounds ��
georgerussell63: did everyone forget to give carlos the memo about lando and his unflattering photos??
username8: have the norris family just adopted carlos now? 🥺
username9: these two might just have the power to turn me into a mclaren girlie by the end of the season
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by pierregasly, ynusername and 739,300 others
carlossainz55: weekends off = exploring the world with my favourite person 🌍✈️
43,492 comments
username10: whose been taking all these photos??
username11: anyone else been noticing y/n appearing in the likes again 🤔
landonorris: I thought I was your favourite person??
carlossainz55: @/landonorris how does number two sound?
landonorris: @/carlossainz55 I guess I can make an exception for one person 😂
username12: there’s only one person that lando would make an exception for
username13: omg he’s got to be talking about y/n
username12: @/username13 y/n is the only person lando is that whipped for
charles_leclerc: woah look at you posting handsome aesthetic shots 🤯
carlossainz55: @/charles_leclerc I’ve been having a few lessons ☺️
username14: let me be the one you explore with pls carlos 💦
lewishamilton: well earned after a great week my guy 🏆
lance_stroll: I wanna know the gossip too
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by danielricciardo, ynusername and 1,429,231 others
carlossainz55: making the most of the sun during the off season, and luckily for me I had the best company to make the most of the time off too ❤️🥺
tagged: ynusername
192,492 comments
username15: poor lando, losing his little sister to carlos
username16: they just look so adorable together
pierregasly: hell yeah congrats you two 🩷
landonorris: excuse me I do not give permission for you to post photos of my sister in the same album of you half naked
carlossainz55: @/landonorris your sister wasn’t complaining when I asked her to take these half naked shots
landonorris: @/carlossainz55 you just wait until I next see you 🤬
username17: lando already regretting ever letting the two of them meet
username18: I bet carlos teases Lando about dating his sister whenever he can lol
ynusername: thank you for the most amazing holiday…you’re the best 🔥💕
carlossainz55: @/ynusername can’t wait to do it again soon (just don’t tell lando) 🥰
georgerussell63: glad to see you guys enjoying yourselves, can’t wait to hear all about it
danielricciardo: and the award for the new cutest couple in f1 goes to…
username19: this relationship is gonna bully the hell outta lando
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by carlossainz55, landonorris and 429,555 others
ynusername: a weekend of supporting my boys…it doesn’t get better than this 🧡🏎️🏁
tagged: landonorris, carlossainz55 and mclaren
32,448 comments
username20: my heart…this is adorable 😭
carlossainz55: I love you, thank you for always supporting me 🧡
landonorris: the best little sister ever - you were supporting me slightly more tho, right?
ynusername: @/landonorris I support you both equally stop trying to cause trouble 🙄
carlossainz55: @/landonorris I think she supports me more judging by our celebrations last night 🫢
landonorris: @/carlossainz55 I do NOT need to know anymore details you shut your mouth 😭
carmenmmundt: sooo glad we got to catch up after so long, see you at another race soon!!
username21: I can’t cope with y/n and carlos constantly teasing lando like this
username22: poor lando watching his little sister lose all innocence in front of his eyes 😂
maxverstappen1: I keep telling you y/n…red bull is where it’s at
charles_leclerc: although I’m sure ferrari red would look good on you too…
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by danielricciardo, maxverstappen1 and 1,029,472 comments
carlossainz55: a weekend with my two favourite norris’ 🥺💕
tagged: landonorris and ynusername
68,304 comments
username23: the ultimate trio 🩷
username24: how has lando let carlos post that picture of him cuddling his baby sister
ynusername: I better be number one out of those two 🤔
carlossainz55: @/ynusername you’ll always be my number one (you haven’t got much competition 😂)
landonorris: @/carlossainz55 I thought what we had was special too 😂
maxverstappen1: these photos were almost cute until I noticed one of them had lando in it
username25: ofc there still ends up being loads of golf involved
username26: y/n is the luckiest getting to have carlos’ pancakes 🫠
username27: you just know in that golf photo that carlos is sharing some ott secret with y/n to put him off his shot 😂
alex_albon: ik lando is usually the third wheel…but I’m happy to third wheel these golf games 🙌🏻
landonorris: @/alex_albon invite in the post as we speak
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by charles_leclerc, ynusername and 892,204 others
carlossainz55: saying my final farewells to the fabulous team at mclaren, thank you for the best two seasons ever - unfortunately for me I’m still stuck with this giant pain in the ass as a constant third wheel in my relationship for the foreseeable 😂🥺
tagged: mclaren and landonorris
101,382 comments
landonorris: hahah you can’t get rid of me that easily
landonorris: being serious tho, I’ve loved being teammates with you, and I guess as hard as it is to say, I couldn’t be happier knowing my little sister is dating someone as wonderful as you
carlossainz55: @/landonorris stop it I’m tearing up…that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me 🥲
username28: I can’t believe we’re not going to get weekly carlando anymore
username29: nooooo how could you do this to us carlos
ynusername: ik this wasn’t an easy decision for you, but I’m excited for our next step together 💕
carlossainz55: @/ynusername thank you for being so understanding and supportive, can’t wait for what comes next! ❤️
username30: is y/n going to be moving with carlos…lando won’t be able to cope without his little sister around 💔
charles_leclerc: looking forward to welcoming you both soon - I told you you’d look good in ferrari red didn’t I y/n? 😂
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by ynusername, charles_leclerc and 1,103,592 comments
carlossainz55: a few days exploring the new city that we call home 🌊😊
tagged: ynusername
53,883 comments
landonorris: the uk is still better!!
landonorris: I can’t believe you stole my baby sister from me like this
carlossainz55: @/landonorris I promise that I’ll look after her
landonorris: @/carlossainz55 just like you promised to never break my heart and leave me at mclaren?? 💔
username31: it feels strange not seeing the two of them with lando right beside them
username32: lando genuinely sounds gutted not to have them next door anymore
georgerussell63: glad to see you guys are settling in nicely 😊
charles_leclerc: can’t wait to catch up with you guys over the next couple of days
ynusername: let’s continue to make more amazing memories 💕💕
username: they both look so happy to be in italy
username33: I’m so glad y/n decided to move out with carlos
username34: my carlando heart can’t bare to see them apart
danielricciardo: can confirm lando has not stopped moaning about how lost he is without you both the past couple of days
ynusername: tell him to grow up @/danielricciardo I’m not a baby anymore
landonorris: @/ynusername STOP YOU’LL ALWAYS BE MY BABY SISTER
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by carlossainz55, oscarpiastri and 429,450 others
ynusername: the colours might have changed but my man being top of the podium remains the same 🔥🏆
tagged: carlossainz55
34,771 comments
charles_leclerc: welcome to the best team in f1!! ❤️
carlossainz55: thank you for always supporting me, cannot wait for our new adventure my love 🥰✨
ynusername: @/carlossainz55 so proud of you, excited to see you continue being the amazing man you are 🥺
username35: these pictures must be breaking lando’s heart
username36: I still think y/n looks better in papaya
danielricciardo: you two lovebirds are something else
landonorris: I never thought my own sister would betray me like this
ynusername: @/landonorris I’m still a mclaren girl at heart 🫢🧡
carlossainz55: @/ynusername I’ll pretend I didn’t just read that
lilymhe: teach me how to look as good as you in the paddock pls 🙏🏻
liked by ynusername, landonorris and 1,302,204 others
carlossainz55: carlando is still going strong (according to lando who still believes he is my favourite member of the norris family 🙄) hope this stops you feeling so jealous boo
tagged: landonorris
103,492 comments
landonorris: thank you for thinking about my feelings bby ❤️
ynusername: @/landonorris 🤮🤮🤮
username37: yay carlando lives on
username38: I always knew they’d still make time for each other
username39: has y/n been the true third wheel along
danielricciardo: you left me some big shoes to feel mate
ynusername: the two of you absolutely disgust me…but I wouldn’t have it any other way
˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗
#f1#formula one#formula 1#f1 imagine#formula 1 imagine#formula one imagine#lando norris#carlos sainz#lando norris imagine#carlos sainz imagine#lando norris x reader#carlos sainz x reader#f1 fic#f1 stay#f1 x reader#formula 1 fic#formula 1 x reader#carlos sainz smau#lando norris smau#f1 smau#lando norris x you#carlos sainz x you#f1 x you#formula 1 x you
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i think i might start journaling agaun jnstead of meowing in fhe tags of various posts. you're welcome
ok edit i typed waymore tags than i thought i would so if you click see more hou will get a whole wall of text that isn't really worth reading but for reasons elaborated upon below (in the wall of text not worth reading) i'm still clicking post bc thisis the internet i can do what i want
#for one last hurrah: 1 i have realized it's so easy to make friends if you actually talk about your feelings i feel#like i made more friends last week than i did thru all of last semester (didn't make any new friends last semester)#2 i did end up breakinf my stupid sobriety challenge on 4/20 with half a white claw & a baby edible and#even tho i poured the ofher half down the drain what they don't tell you is that yr like...cravings? get worse#if you start again by even a little bit. (they literally do tell you this)#3. i think i am realizing that my anti carceral & restorative beliefs have to apply to myself as well#beyond love & beyond a supposed intrinsic value & even beyond forgiveness#4. i keep thinking about my therapist's visible anguish when she saw my sh scars & my roommate's worry wheb she saw me#asleep at the kitchen table bc i didn't wanna interrupt her call. & it hit me today like ohhhh. i get it#like ooohhhhhhh...people are connected to each other & i am a person#& my own repeated denial of my humanity denies/d other ppl of theirs as well...ohhhhh#5. i have been taking gorgeous walks and today i walked past the er on the way to the park and#realized i was retracing backwards the times i walked/crawled back home from there alone & afraid#& realized thst processing trauma Outside of the limited framework that ptsd offers is so so necessary#it's honestly way less humiliating typing all this out rather than writing it out physicaly#but maybe i'll transfer this to an actual journal and delete#it's weird bc i like to treat online like a journal but um getting flagged as a suicide risk has really made me aware#of i guess the value of privacy that isn't contingent upon anonymity#OK BYE 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽#kidding doing 6 bc of reasons but i think that this is honestly the best way it could have ended up happening like#idk. *understanding*
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#the last bits of the sinus infection i had last week and this week end are still w me#im so fucking tired#and today be hard did NOT help#im just so sleepy but 1/it's not even 7pm 2/i have d&d from 7:30 to 9:30#this morning was ROUGH#bc our freight elevator is broken i had to reject some of our deliveries last week bc i cant bring up such heavy loads by hand#like it's 3 flight of stairs AND some walk to get to the restaurant#and bc we were closed for easter monday i knew i would get today both what we usually get monday and the tuesday deliveries#AND a redelivery from last week i knew that i was prepared#BUT the elevator was still broken so 1 of our vendors dropped the delivery at another close by restaurant and we had to find time to get it#another vendor still went downstairs and i had to carry the packages up the stairs w a colleague#the girl from another restaurant from the brand that was supposed to come at 7 arrived at 8:20#we can open if we're only 2 but... not when i have this much delivery lol so fuck me i guess#AND we learn we have 2 new employees coming today so we have to train them#which good !! we NEED new employees but lol today of all day#we're getting 80 more places on our outside area next week so we desperatly need new ppl#we wanted them before so they could be fully trained for when the new places arrive but well better late than never idk#so by 10:45 i had : 4 deliveries and only 2 that came via the same guy were delivered actually at the store 2 ppl from another location#that know the work but not the restaurant incl one who didnt speak french 2 new employees we had to shwo around and explain the basics#and i had to take my break at 11 or i would get to eat at all#this rant is a mess
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