#but i got it from hot topic for like 14$ so it was definitely worth it

[scooterfish]

obsessively checking the package tracking for my bf’s birthday presents cuz i get more joy out of buying him gifts than i ever have for myself

[tofindloveinpoison]

Iconic Fanfictions ive read two years ago and what I currently remember of them:

I will premise this by saying that these fanfics were famous only in certain specific niches of the internet, and that when i say that a work is badly written or i critique it in anyway it?s just my opinion from what i vaguely remember, whihch might not be correct. 

Fanfics below the cut: filthy lucre, asotm, twist and shout, the hat and lung fics, anatomy of a fall, throam, unholyverse. feelfree to add what you remember of “famous fanfics” you’ve read.

tw for mentions of: sexual assault, violence, animal abuse, pedophilia and some other upsetting topics. 

The Milk Fic

Oh my God this was bad but not nearly as extreme as other fics. An iconic and shocking read i do not recommend, but if you really want to read it it will not ruin your life, your month at most. 

From what i remember at least the sex was consensual aaaaaaand i don’t remember any other good/decent aspects about it. 

Very famous, a lot of ppl have read it, gerard way said it was “well-written” but honestly it wasn’t.

( original? ryden version) 4/10 because of lack of actual crimes.

Filthy Lucre

So bad i don’t remember the plot. They’re prostitutes i think? there definitely was an abusive relationship and the sex scenes were so bad i had to skip all of them, meaning i read the whole thing in half an hour.

Really terrible, they don’t end up toghether and that’s the only interesting element. I recomend no one reads this unless you are literally dying of boredom.

(frerard version) 1/10 because its a completed work, but at what cost

Twist and Shout

This is considered one of the good ones and you know what? for iconic fanfiction standards it’s not bad at all, decently-written with actual characters that don’t feel, like most fanfic characters, like bad ooc versions of the original.

How about the overcomplicated plot tho? I don’t remember a thing except for the homophobia (its set in the 50s-60s), the war, the Elvis songs, one cute sad beach scene and one of the protagonists dying of aids. Maybe they also watch star trek,idk; lots to unpack. 

If you want to suffer and you have lots of free time i recommend it, i skipped most of the sex scenes but there is an actual plot so that was not a problem.

(original Destiel version) 8/10 bc I don’t remember how they handled the aids thing but it made me uncomfortable, might be just bc of the upsetting subject matter but i don’t remember

The Hat Fic

DO NOT READ THIS THING. Go read the milk fic if you want weird but not this one please. A milk enema is NOTHING. Contains animal abuse and i don’t remember how consensual the whole thing was.

I CAN ASSURE YOU THIS MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE TO THIS DAY I FEEL SICK WRITING THIS. There is a whole subset of early phanfiction centered on being as disgusting and upsetting as possible and i think this started it.

I higly doubt anyone got off on this but still the possibility unsettles me.

(original phan version )  -8233983743764346/10 should be illigal to talk about it. We should all agree to Damnatio Memoriae this thing.

A splitting of the Mind

Some people insist on treating this as one of the good iconic fics but it’s bad. 

So bad its actually an interesting read if you feel like analizing some text, trying to see what is so appealing about it, despite its evident flaws.

The age gap is 19-16 so not as bad as the Other Iconic mcr Fanfic About Doves that i did not read bc from what i remember it was basically pedophilia/grooming but i might be wrong. God the bar is so low

Portrayal of mantal illness and trauma was truly a shitshow, the writing was not great but also not horrible. The sexual assault elements upset me greatly but it might be just bc of the subject matter

pros: unreliable narrator done decently, ray toro’s character saw the future looking in cereal, characters are characters and not merely names (not to be confused with actual good characterization), nothing else.

(original frerard version) 5/10 for the effort honestly, but i do not recommend this unless you are mentally ready for some heavy topics handled poorly.

The Lung Fic

This was written with the goal of shocking the reader, in the same vein as all hat fic/ milk fic copycats.

 Should be more upsetting, given it contains gore, pedophilia and a bunch of other disgusting madness (maybe mpreg?), but it just reads as a fanfiction taboo list.

Not worth reading at all, clearly intentionally designed to shock and disgust to the point where it’s obvious.

0/10 i don’te remember which version, irrelevant, don’t waste your time

Anatomy of a fall

Contains ghosts, high school au, possibly resurrection or death, idk.

I don’t remember this being particularly offensive in any way, but its been a long time. Then again i did not read the sex scenes so it might contain necrophilia and i wouldn’t know. (i checked and no necrophilia, just “weird supernatural sex”)

is it well written? no, but it’s not outragiously badly-written. Is it funny sometimes? yes.

 In the context of this list, this might be a good one, in any other context probably not. I might be biased bc i love ghost stories in general and this one does not contain sexual assault if i remember correcly. (The bar is soooo low)

(original? frerard version) 7/10 bc ghosts and funny aND IT HAS ILLUSTRATIONS (vietnamese translation available)

 The Heart Rate of a Mouse

Good but not in the classical meaning of the word. It contains some Hot TakesTM on human sexuality, substance abuse and unhealthy relationship(s).

Its set in the 70s so the homophobia is there and she is thriving. Wonderful internalized homophobia, really 10/10 for that.

The sex and the plot sometimes intersect, putting me in the uncomfortable position of having to  read smut or not knowiong what is going on (0/10 ).

Well written for the genre (=beloved fanfictions that are rarely redeemable); characters are original and flawed, even interesting sometimes.

The plot is three pubblished books worth of plot available for free on the internet and that is a blessing. I suggest reading this as if all the characters are OCs and you found this book forgotten on the train and decided to read it. 

But is it actually good as a story? idk its a lot honestly, if you have to quarantine for 14 days bc of covid and you don’t have anything to study, this will fill at least 4 full days of reading.

(original version)8/10 bc it has everithing but its still not a masterpiece of modern fanfic literature sorry

Unholyverse

Contains Demons, priests, scarfs, exorcisms(affectionate), vergin mary tatoos and much more. Not as carefully written as throam or tas, but it still makes it as one of the good  fanfics solely for the cool factor.

It would be so cool if this was better written and a comicbook or a grafic novel with original characters.( I skipped all the sex scenes bc they made me uncomfy, as usual so idkwhat was going on there)

If there was anything extremely upsetting about this one i forgot about it (i checked: they say “ warnings for religious themes, pain, trauma, blood, torture and death”). There is a lot of plot, its not even just one fic its a whole serie. 

Great for passing the time, I forgot most of it 7/10 for the demons (original version)

[doomonfilm]

Ranking : Spike Lee (1957 - present)

There have been countless directors whose careers have spanned my lifetime, but out of these countless masses, the one whom I can find the most in common ground with (as well as endless inspiration from) is Spike Lee.  A New Yorker through and through, Lee went from a series of films that seamlessly blended hip-hop and old school Hollywood aesthetics, to personal films, to his take on the blockbuster, and currently, to the point where his canon has earned him artistic freedom and expression that many of his peers have not been able to achieve.  He is the perfect bridge between the director-driven mindset of the 1970s and the cultural boundary-pushing films of the 1990s-forward.  Not everything that he directed was a hit or a masterpiece, but this man has more iconic films under his belt that some directors have films to their name.  That being said, it’s time to stir the pot and make an attempt at the monumental task that is ranking the films of Spike Lee.

I will only be including theatrically released feature films of Spike Lee that I have seen.  His documentary work will be excluded, as well as his films I have missed or have yet to see.  Here is a list of these films : Da 5 Bloods, Chi-Raq, Da Sweet Blood of Jesus, Joe’s Bed-Stuy Barbershop: We Cut Heads, 4 Little Girls, The Original Kings of Comedy, When the Levees Broke, A Huey P. Newton Story. 

20. Oldboy (2013) Every film that you make can’t be a winner.  In the case of Lee’s attempt at remaking Oldboy, there were already two major strikes against it : a superior version of the film already existed, and that version was the middle film of a trilogy.  I doubt that even a team of the most talented directors could have made a superior version of Oldboy that surpassed the original, but after 30 years of making films, it’s admirable that Lee would even attempt something so bold and seemingly insurmountable.  

19. Red Hook Summer (2012) When your film catalog covers three decades, there’s bound to be some overlap, be it stylistically or narratively.  I’ve only seen Red Hook Summer once, but it was impossible for me to look at it subjectively, as it seemed to be a modern day mirror to another one of Lee’s explorations of New York adolescence.  While this story is not a direct copy of a Spike Lee film that I will go into more detail on later, it does feel like the update equivalent that focuses on himself rather than the childhood of his sister.  While an entertaining film from what I can remember, it sits behind a list of previous impressive achievements.

18. She Hate Me (2004) Humor has been an element present in a number of Spike Lee films, but for my money’s worth, this film is the closest thing to an outright comedy that he ever made.  Like a number of films on the back half of his career, he is touching upon important topics (sexuality and toxic masculinity, in this case), but these are topics that he has hit with more nuance and creativity in earlier films.  This film did help transition Anthony Mackie into a leading man role, and he certainly took that opportunity and ran with it, so She Hate Me could be heralded for that alone.  That being said, it was a great idea that slightly missed the mark, therefore placing it on the backend of the memorable films list for Lee.

17. Miracle at St. Anna (2008) This film had the potential to be a breakout resurgence for Spike Lee.  He was coming hot off the heels of Inside Man, a perfect blend of Lee’s style and modern Hollywood fare, so having a period-piece war film seemed like a slam dunk.  His cast was strong, while also being filled of relatively unknown young actors on the verge of becoming stars in their own right, but for whatever reason, this film failed to make a connection with the masses.  While I do remember mostly enjoying my watch, I also remember feeling a bit underwhelmed by the ending, which in turn left me lacking a reason to revisit it.  Maybe it’s a hidden gem that I haven’t seen enough times yet, but at this moment in time, its home is near the bottom of Lee’s impressive list of films.

16. Get on the Bus (1996) Many people’s eyes were opened to racial injustices during the COVID-19 pandemic, as several African-American men and women found themselves on the wrong end of violent acts from the police and other citizens in the midst of a ‘shelter-in-place’ era.  Not only have these injustices been going on for my entire lifetime, but they’ve been a generational trauma for many African-Americans in the United States.  When the Million Man March was announced in 1996, it was not surprising that Spike Lee took it as an opportunity to both document the march and build a narrative around it in which he could showcase a collection of actors he’d either featured in past films or would work with in future films.  To my knowledge, this is one of maybe two or three films about the event, and it was certainly the film released in the closest proximity to it.  For an independent, quick shoot, it definitely stands up, but in comparison to Lee’s other works that benefited from full crews and production schedules, it finds itself paling in comparison.

15.  BlacKkKlansman (2018) Despite the fact that this is the film that finally got Lee some sort of recognition at the Oscars, BlacKkKlansman was not quite the true return to form that many fans of Spike Lee expected.  The film had moments of humor, compelling moments that directly focused on racial injustice and systematic oppression, and it pulled no punches while doing so.  Like a handful of Lee’s other films, however, this one falls when compared to his other films that deal with similar subject matter.  Adam Driver continued to show fans his expansive range, and  Jasper Paakonen deserved INFINITELY more recognition than he got, but ultimately, this film checks all the ‘good’ boxes where it was expected to check the ‘great’ ones.

14. 25th Hour (2002) As the year 2000 approached, Lee seemed to attempt and make a shift from films that specifically spoke on aspects of the African-American experience in favor of occasional films that reached a wider audience.  While Summer of Sam would be considered the first foray into that realm, the true mark of this elevated sense of creative duty came in the form of 25th Hour.  With the actors in tow, in tandem with the cinematography and skilled directing ability displayed in the film, one would expect a powerhouse movie, but ultimately, the expectations exceeded the narrative of this film.  This one is entertaining, don’t get me wrong, but I personally did not find a connection with the story, meaning that the film was, at best, fun to watch.

13. Summer of Sam (1999)  I’ve been a true-crime junkie since my early teenage years, and even the most casual of true-crime fans is more than likely familiar with David Berkowitz, also known to many as the Son of Sam.  While Red Hook Summer did come out after Summer of Sam, it’d be hard to deny the fact that Summer of Sam is the last of Lee’s love letters to New York City.  This was the film where Spike Lee stepped out of his comfort zone of the African-American experience, choosing instead to focus on more colloquial aspects of the American experience, and for my money’s worth, it was the start of an important shift for him.  Despite being light on the Son of Sam action, the actors this film does focus on (and the story it chooses to tell) is a fresh look at a familiar era, and a crowning achievement that signaled new things for Spike Lee.

12.  He Got Game (1998) If you made a Venn diagram of people familiar with Spike Lee, the two biggest circles would be film fans and people who have seen at least one New York Knicks game since the 1990s.  Therefore, the only thing that was really and truly surprising about He Got Game was the fact that it took Spike Lee 15 years and 11 films to make a film about basketball.  On the outset, that’s exactly what it is : a film about basketball.  Viewed with a wider lens, however, this story is a love letter to one of the most popular American inventions, and a story about how it can serve as a common-ground bridge for those from wholly different walks of life.  The juxtaposition of Aaron Copland and Public Enemy made the soundtrack provocative, and Ray Allen stood out in his lead role, holding his own against the living legend that is Denzel Washington, who is always good for a stellar performance in a Spike Lee joint.  Don’t mistake this film’s place on the list for my feelings about it... this is a stellar film, in my opinion, and one of my favorites to revisit.

11. Crooklyn (1994) After making what many would argue to be the most important film of his career (which we will eventually get to), it’s no surprise that Spike Lee circled his creative wagons and made the focus of his next film inward.  Crooklyn covers what seem like many personal bases for Spike Lee : he portrays the New York of the past vividly and beautifully, while spinning a true-to-life tale based on his personal experience, but opting to focus on his sister Joie Lee and his father Bill Lee.  Of Lee’s many, many films, this was the one that I felt the most compelled to see at the time of release, it is one of the two I have the most vivid memories and recollections of, and it has a number of stylistic choices that keep me wonderfully perplexed to this day.  Despite not cracking the top ten Spike Lee films, this one ranks high on the list of Spike Lee films that hit the bullseye of my heart.

10. Jungle Fever (1991) Interracial romance is one of those things that seemingly will always be a sensitive subject.  I’ve heard many people say that Jungle Fever has a dated look on the subject, but I’d argue that the film was very forward thinking, especially in showing that an interracial romance is not the answer to the cultural and societal problems that life presents us.  The movie also touches deeply on drug addiction without crossing over into the realm of being preachy or talking down to the viewer.  It didn’t hurt that Stevie Wonder also managed to create a soundtrack’s worth of new material that instantly brought the seemingly controversial film directly into the public eye.  Maybe it is dated... maybe it is uncomfortable... but what it is, undoubtedly, is an early masterpiece that fell near the end of one of the most stellar introductory runs that any filmmaker has presented us.

9. Clockers (1995) Ever wonder what would happen if a Martin Scorsese film found its way into the hands of Spike Lee?  Well, wonder no longer, because Clockers is out there waiting for you to discover it.  The amount that this movie gets slept on is an outright tragedy and travesty.  The soundtrack is KILLER, the color-timing puts the viewer in an immediate ‘cold-world’ environment, the order of operations presented in this film is brutal and unforgiving, and yet, it manages to be one of the most heartfelt films in the Spike Lee canon.  EVERYONE presented in this movie brought their A-game to the table, from the Spike Lee regulars like Isaiah Washington, John Turturro and Harvey Keitel, to the glorified cameos and supporting roles, like Thomas Jefferson Byrd, Sticky Fingaz and Fredro of Onyx, and relative newcomer but promising leading man Makhi Phifer.  This film is intense, but it is more than worth your time and attention.

8. Bamboozled (2000) Bamboozled was shocking when it was released, to say the least.  The true revelation, however, has been the way that relevance has seemingly caught up to the film... fake wokeness, modern day minstrel shows, low budget/high yield television and behind the scenes scandals have all come to light many years after this film had its initial run.  While this film did not transition Savion Glover into the world of superstardom and crossover success, it certainly crystalized his immense talent and charisma in a way that his recordings of stage shows had previously been unable to capture.  The imagery of America’s strange fascination with the dehumanization of African-Americans for generation after generation is rich, and every performance is compelling.  This was definitely Spike Lee’s first masterpiece of the new millennium, and at the risk of being bittersweet, probably one of his last truly stunning achievements.

7. Girl 6 (1996) Every ranking list has to have the controversial placement, so here’s mine... Girl 6 started as a lingering interest for me.  The internet was just about to change the world, but we were still locked into landlines at the time, with cellular being a luxury, so the world of phone sex still had relevance.  Upon seeing the film, however, I quickly realized that the phone sex exploration was playing counter to a Hollywood hopeful narrative that was brave enough to explore new ground (per the changing times) while being mindful enough to pay homage to the countless stories of Hollywood hopefuls that came before it.  Many of the shifting cinematography looks that made Clockers so gritty were used to make Girl 6 feel dangerously euphoric.  The list of cameos and brief supporting roles were not only a who’s who of cultural movers and shakers at the time, but it ran about as long as my arm.  I recently revisited the film and expected it to be a bit more on the side of kitsch, but surprisingly, the times had not been as hard on the film as I anticipated.  The film shifts quite well between light and dark, and even the ending that initially slightly annoyed me has found a strange sort of charm in my older, more life-experienced years.  Add to this the hilarious running joke of Isaiah Washington being a kleptomaniac in nearly every scene he appears in, and there’s a realization that there are sublayers going on right in front of our eyes.  This collaboration with Suzan-Lori Parks gives me hope that maybe one day, we’ll get a Spike Lee film adaptation of Topdog/Underdog, but we will see.

6. Inside Man (2006) If you had to pick the most ‘Hollywood’ of the Spike Lee films, my money would be on this film ending up as the chosen one.  By this rationale, it makes the film that much more impressive, as it also stands out as one of the most compelling, well-directed and well-acted Spike Lee films.  At the time of its release, it was not only a return to form, but it seemed to signal an evolution.  Spike Lee was able to use his signature, iconic shots that he was known for, like his camera-turned-to-dolly float, or the push-pull zooms, but he was also able to incorporate familiar Hollywood tropes, including the twist ending, and give them a breath of fresh air via an newly infused sense of style.  Lee also stayed true to himself by educating as well as entertaining, bringing to light how atrocities from the past have more than historical connections to modern day benefactors.  While I do think there are a handful of better ‘pure’ Spike Lee films, if I had to pick one movie for a curious party that my be skeptical, this would easily be my pick.

5. She's Gotta Have It (1986) Oh, the joy of having your first film be a breakout success, but not to the point of pigeon-holing your career.  She’s Gotta Have It was an important introductory step to the masses for Spike Lee : it showed his dedication to putting African-American performers into familiar narratives, it showed an appreciation for the voice of women on film that many first-time directors would likely not want to be the initial association to their style, it introduced the world to Mars Blackmon (who became a cultural icon), and it presented sense of style that switched on the viewer the moment before they could label it pretentious.  Having characters address the camera made it feel like a play or a novel, but when the film shifted into movie mode, the camera moved with the energy and grace of a performance artist or dancer, which in turn fed into the character development and narrative it presented.  As a bonus, the property found new life nearly 40 years later as a Netflix original series, introducing new generations to a modern day classic statement of feminism, and how it does not excuse bad behavior.

4. Mo' Better Blues (1990) Those familiar with Spike Lee’s family know that he was raised by jazz bassist Bill Lee, who scored some of Spike’s early films.  By this rationale, it comes as no surprise that Lee could make such a rich, nuanced and heartfelt film about jazz music that serves as an allegory for the hurdles that beset those driven purely by passion.  The conversations about race, musical integrity and commercialism also work on both direct and symbolic levels, giving Mo’ Better Blues some of the highest repeat viewing value of any film in the Spike Lee canon.  The film also marked the first collaboration of Spike Lee and Denzel Washington, a combination that yielded artistic, career, creative, commercial and critical success, led to a multitude of classic performances, and ultimately led to a generational collaborative changing of the guard in the form of John David Washington.  The only negative I can give this film is that it did not lead to future films that explored genres of music like hip-hop and soul.  While She’s Gotta Have It did focus heavily on relationships and intimacy, it could be argued that Mo’ Better Blues was Spike Lee’s first adult contemporary film, and his first look at modern romance in the more ‘traditional’ sense.

3. School Daze (1988) The African-American college experience, specifically that of HBCUs (Historically Black College and Universitys), is one that has often been neglected in the annals of film history.  As a graduate of Clark Atlanta University, it makes total sense that Spike Lee’s second commercial film would focus on that specifically overlooked culture, as it became a fitting vehicle for establishing Lee’s sense of duty and responsibility for education, sharing the African-American experience to the masses, and exposing systematic injustices and hypocrisies that kep the disadvantaged in a disadvantaged position.  The real genius of this film, however, comes in the juxtaposition of presentations it jumps between... for the majority of the film, it is an unflinching look at the coming of age process that teenagers must traverse on their way to adulthood, including the hurdles of romance, forming your identity and expanding your view of the world around you.  At key moments, however, the film switches into musical numbers, song performances and school dances that not only expand on the inner feelings, emotions and desires of characters, but heighten the reality of the story to a dizzying pace.  In all the ways that She’s Gotta Have It put the world on notice that a unique voice was present in the industry, School Daze signaled the continuation of a run that would last another handful of films, and it firmly established Spike Lee as a generational talent. 

2. Do the Right Thing (1989) I would guess that over the course of a career, a director secretly hopes that at least one of their works comes close to making an impact culturally.  In the case of Spike Lee, however, we have a man who released two cultural-shifting films, and did so in a span of less than 5 years.  They say the third time is a charm, and that’s exactly what Do the Right Thing was for Spike Lee.  The vivid colors, stylistic earmarks, historical and cultural sense of urgency and focus on telling minority stories all expanded greatly with this film, which acted as both a parable of how past injustices can come back to haunt you, and a harbinger of how the reactions to these continued injustices would only amplify if not addressed.  The fact that Spike Lee not only directed this film, but played the lead actor as well, is a monumental achievement, especially considering how few flaws the film has, if any.  Several established actors played some of their most iconic roles in this film, and a breadth of newer, younger faces exploded onto the scene, almost all of whom either continued to work with Lee or found themselves evolving their careers in the wake of Do the Right Thing.  The film is also directly responsible for perhaps the most iconic hip-hop song of all time, Public Enemy’s classic protest anthem Fight The Power.  Any fan of film would be foolish to skip the Spike Lee catalog, but regardless of whether you’re interested in his work or not, this film is one of two he made that should flatly be considered required viewing across the board.  The other one, being...

1. Malcolm X (1992) For everything that Do the Right Thing did for Spike Lee and those involved in the production, the monumentally powerful biopic Malcolm X did all of that while also managing to humanize, canonize and create and icon out of a man that America tried its best to demonize.  The masterful hand that Lee used to direct this film shows, as this film is the most ‘every frame a painting’ in his canon.  Everything from the period costuming to the locations to the dance numbers to the cinematography absolutely leaps off of the screen.  The editing is kinetic, the performances are full of life and depth, and the narrative does just enough going forwards and backwards to make proper connections without beating it over the head of the viewer.  The respect shown to Malcolm X is massive, so much so that almost seemingly overnight, Malcolm X went from being a feared and often heavily criticized sign of aggressive blackness to a commercial commodity and household name, with the famous X suddenly adorning t-shirts, baseball caps and necklaces of all American youth, not just minorities.  The impact of this film was so immediate that many schools held field trips for viewings, which further cemented the immediate and historical value of the film.  Often, the connotation of saying someone ‘peaked’ for a film so early in their career would be negative, but the heights to which Malcolm X achieved on all fronts meant that even if the rest of Lee’s career was a steady decline (which it certainly wasn’t), he more than likely still would have ended up in a pantheon far above that of the average director.

With projects reportedly in the early stages of development, it doesn’t look like Spike Lee has any plans on stopping anytime soon.  I certainly owe it to myself to see the handful of his films and documentaries that I’ve not seen yet... who knows, perhaps I may even go back one day and add the documentaries into the list, or find a surprise gem in one of his more recent movies I’ve yet to see.  

[flipomatic]

A New World Chapter 14: Blending

First Chapter Previous Chapter 

________________________________________________

Sayo was working in her room on a new composition, as she often did these days. What had changed was the purpose of her creation.

Unlike her usual compositions, Sayo wasn’t writing this one for homework. Instead, it was for a more personal reason.

It started when she wanted to branch out from what they were working on for school. While she had improved at conveying emotion through her compositions, she wondered if she could do even better. The pieces she composed for school were good, but in the end the motivation behind them had just been for a grade.

They weren’t genuine and there was still something missing. At least, Sayo felt like there was. So, she sat down to try and compose, to create from her heart.

As expected, it was proving to be quite difficult.

At first Sayo strummed aimlessly on her guitar, seeking a melody or strong chord progression. That wasn’t really working; nothing she played felt right. She felt aimless, like she wasn’t making any progress.

Perhaps she needed some inspiration, something to base her music on. Most of Roselia’s music was composed that way. Yukina created lyrics to represent the band and Rinko built melodies around them.

Thinking of the band sent a wave of irritation through Sayo, causing her to frown. She’d been trying and failing to put their behavior out of her mind. Her bandmates, particularly Yukina and Lisa, had been insufferable lately.

They had been dancing around their feelings since before Sayo met them, but recently it started to impact practice. Just recently Yukina had been too distracted to sing properly, so Sayo decided to help her out.

Of course, Yukina blew off her advice. Sayo wasn’t sure why she bothered.

Lisa too had been acting strangely. Sayo had never known her to date or do anything other than what was best for the band. It was clearly hurting Yukina; Sayo didn’t understand how Lisa couldn’t see it.

The two of them really needed to talk through their feelings.

The notes from Sayo’s guitar had strayed low, creating a darker sound. She stopped playing and shook her head, this wasn’t the kind of song she wanted to compose.

Sayo refocused and searched for a new train of thought, something happier. Her hands shifted to a lighter sound as she thought about her other friends, Tsugumi in particular.

She had visited the Hazawa café last week and spent some time talking to Tsugumi. After some light banter about how they rarely saw each other these days, Sayo had promised to hang out sometime. She wasn’t sure when that would be, but she would make sure it happened.

Sometimes there was music playing in the café, loud enough to be heard but soft enough to not disturb the guests. Typically it was songs from the 80’s or 90’s, ones Sayo wasn’t familiar with. She didn’t usually listen to it, but she still noticed it.

It suited the café well, but perhaps other music could work too.

Sayo wondered, if the café was a location in a video game, what kind of music would play there? Perhaps that would be something worth composing.

Her hands played a light melodic line, already way ahead of her thought process. The café would have a peaceful song, something that lifted the heart. That’s how Sayo felt when she went there.

She continued to play, molding the melody to match that image. It took a while, but slowly she developed a tune. The more she played it, the surer she was in the melodic line.

Sayo played it through a few times and tweaked the notes, smiling as she pictured the café in her mind.

She went to her computer, which was already open at her desk, to write down the melody in the composition software. Once all the notes were in, she stepped away to keep playing.

Sayo kept working on the song for the next couple hours, adding a lead in chord progression and refining the tune. This topic proved to be strong inspiration for her.

After putting the final touches on the composition, Sayo decided to record it so she could listen to it. She set up her phone on her desk, turned the amp up, and hit record.

As Sayo played, glancing at the sheet music for reference, she imbued the performance with as much light as she could. She played it enthusiastically and with certainty.

When she finished, Sayo immediately clicked the recording to listen. She closed her eyes as the music played from the phone speaker. The café appeared in her mind as she listened, with Tsugumi in the center of it. She smiled brightly in the image, matching the mood of the music.

The composition still wasn’t perfect, of course, but it accomplished what Sayo set out to do.

As the song finished, Sayo couldn’t help but smile. She emailed a copy of the video to herself so she could save it with the sheet music.

As she dragged the file into the folder, she wondered if she should do more with it. Sayo hadn’t wanted to share her previous compositions with anyone, but this one was different. Should she send it to Tsugumi?

Immediately, that thought warmed Sayo’s cheeks. That would be far too embarrassing, she could never do it. What if Tsugumi didn’t like it, or thought Sayo was overstepping by making it. Even if she did like it, the thought of letting her hear it sent butterflies fluttering in Sayo’s stomach. She wasn’t sure why, since she was happy with how the song turned out.

It didn’t really make sense, but her hesitation was firm and off-putting.

No, she shouldn’t share it.

Despite that thought, Sayo opened the video in an editing program. She exported the video as an MP3 and emailed it back to her phone.

Just in case.

_______________________________________________________

With two whole hours available until band practice, Sayo had no doubts about what she wanted to do with her time.

She hadn’t been to the Hazawa café in two weeks now, as she’d been bogged down with even more schoolwork than the first half of the semester. Sayo still spent some time texting Tsugumi, mostly catching up and chatting casually, but it wasn’t the same as seeing her.

The guitar recording on Sayo’s phone lived in the back of her mind since she recorded it. She almost texted it to Tsugumi during the week, almost hit the button to send it to her. She stopped herself. In the end she deleted it from the message, still not sure if she really wanted to share it.

It hung over her as she entered the café. Tsugumi greeted her with an enthusiastic wave, but she didn’t have time to chat. It was busy today, with most of the tables occupied. Tsugumi was moving from table to table, completely composed despite how many customers there were.

Sayo took a seat at one of the few empty tables. She leaned her guitar on the table and took out one of her composition theory books while she waited; she wasn’t in a hurry. Sayo read slowly, half watching Tsugumi move in her peripheral vision.

“Hi Sayo-san!” Tsugumi stopped by her table, wearing her usual apron and bright smile. “What would you like today?”

“Good afternoon.” Sayo closed her book as she replied. “Just a cup of black tea, please.” It would be a good choice for drinking slowly.

“You got it!”

Tsugumi vanished back to the kitchen, returning a moment later with a cup, pot of hot water, and selection of tea bags on a tray. She set it down on the table, before Sayo selected one and started to make her tea.

“It’s busy here today.” Sayo commented as she poured the hot water.

Tsugumi nodded, leaving the tray on the table for a minute. “It’s been like this all week.” She was still smiling, beaming at the bustling café. “I’ve been trying different types of advertising.”

Oh, Sayo did remember seeing an advertisement for the café online recently. She hadn’t realized that Tsugumi was the one creating them. “It’s definitely working. You’re doing a great job.”

Sayo hardly believed it possible, but Tsugumi’s smile somehow grew larger. “Thank you!” Perhaps Sayo’s point of view was biased, but Tsugumi almost seemed to glow. Her eyes practically sparkled. Sayo’s heart didn’t usually beat this fast, or if did she didn’t notice it. She felt an impulse to do something, say something, but she wasn’t sure what.

Then, as quickly as the moment came, it passed. Tsugumi’s attention was snagged by another patron, pulling her to the other side of the café.

Sayo took a deep breath to center herself, going back to her book. She finished steeping her tea as she read, then drank it slowly.

For a while, Sayo stayed at the café. She exchanged words occasionally with Tsugumi when the teen had a few moments free. Tsugumi shared that she’d been working on advertising for the last couple months, starting with local newspapers. It wasn’t until she went with targeted ads online that she saw these levels of success.

It was a good idea; Sayo wondered if they could sell Roselia cd’s that way too. She’d run it by Yukina later.

After an hour had passed, the crowd in the café started to thin out. It was getting later in the afternoon, farther away from the typical teatime and closer to dinner. Sayo had about half an hour until she needed to leave, so she could be early to practice.

“How’s Roselia been doing?” Tsugumi had more time to talk with less patrons in the café. She was standing near Sayo’s table, turned so that she could keep an eye on the other tables.

Sayo decided to focus on the whole band in her answer, instead of her frustrations with her bandmates. “Not bad. We’ve been trying to practice more often; it’s been hard since midterms.” It was hard before then too, but Sayo didn’t mention that.

“I can imagine.” Tsugumi was frowning slightly. Sayo wondered what she was thinking about.

“I’m headed there next.” Sayo replied, gesturing to where her guitar still leaned on the table.

Tsugumi glanced at it, then back at Sayo. The corner of her lips lifted as she spoke. “Do you have any performances coming up? I’d love to come watch!”

Now Sayo was the one frowning. The band hadn’t performed all semester, with all of their classes and schedule conflicts it hadn’t worked out. It left an uneasy feeling in her gut. “There’s nothing planned right now, but I’ll let you know.”

“I’ll look forward to it!”

The bell on the door signaled the entrance of another customer, drawing Tsugumi away. Sayo watched her go, shaking off her feelings from the prior conversation.

She had to leave soon, to be early enough to band practice. There was one section she needed to practice ahead of time. Sayo probably had time to share a few more words with Tsugumi before she left.

Sayo remembered the composition, that she had loaded onto her phone. As she watched Tsugumi interact with the new customer, she again wondered if she should share it with her.

Hadn’t it been written for the café? Didn’t she write it with Tsugumi in mind? If she was going to get better at compositions, she needed to be more comfortable with sharing her creations.

With Tsugumi here, less than ten meters away, it was easier for Sayo to make a decision.

When Tsugumi returned, after bringing a pastry and drink to the other customer, Sayo pulled her phone out. “I’ve been working on a new composition; would you like to hear it?” She asked, giving Tsugumi the chance to say no.

Sayo knew that Tsugumi wasn’t the kind of person who would do that. “Of course.”

Sayo opened her texts with Tsugumi and selected the song to send it. “I wrote it with the café in mind.” She said as she hit the send button, letting the composition leave her sole control.

“That’s great, I’ll listen to it after my shift.” Tsugumi tapped her pocket, where her phone had just buzzed.

“Thank you.” Sayo wasn’t sure why she was thanking her, to settle her nerves perhaps. She put her phone away and took out her wallet. It was time to get going.

After paying, Sayo exchanged a goodbye with Tsugumi and left the café. She went to practice, trying not to worry about what Tsugumi thought of her composition.

It wasn’t until later, in the middle of practice, that she found out.

Right in the middle of Neo Aspect, Sayo’s phone buzzed multiple times in a row. Her heart rate spiked as it did, but she stayed composed and finished the song before checking it. She ignored the way Yukina’s eyes narrowed as she pulled her phone out. As expected, the texts were from Tsugumi.

“The song is amazing!” A few heart emojis followed the message. “Sayo-san I love it!” Another text had immediately followed. “It matches the café perfectly!” There was a minute long gap before the fourth message. “Sorry about sending multiple messages, I got way too excited. I really like it, thank you for sharing it with me!” Sayo felt warm as she read through the messages, trying not to let it show on her face.

Sayo typed back quickly, before Yukina could murder her with her eyes. “I appreciate you listening to it. Thank you for your feedback.” Not a great text, but it was the best she could manage at the moment.

In the end, Sayo was glad she decided to share it.

___________________________________________________________

One week later, Sayo found herself back at the Hazawa café. She wanted to come more often, so she did. She still needed to plan hangout time with Tsugumi.

It was busy again today, even busier than last time. Tsugumi still found time to talk with Sayo though, even if they were just short exchanges.

When there was a lull in how busy it was, they had a longer time to talk.

“About your composition from last week.” Tsugumi’s cheeks carried a pink tint as she made eye contact with Sayo. “I couldn’t stop listening to it.”

“Oh.” Sayo blinked a few times, struggling to process that information.

“The more I listened to it, the more I thought, well…” Tsugumi seemed to be struggling to find the right words. She pulled out her phone, tapping on it a few times. Sayo’s phone buzzed in her pocket.

Sayo furrowed her eyebrows as she pulled out her phone, seeing that Tsugumi had sent her a message. When she opened it, she saw that there was an audio file attached. She glanced back up at Tsugumi, asking a question with just her eyes.

“I thought, it would just be perfect with the piano.” Tsugumi said, her cheeks shifting from pink to red. She looked cute like this, though honestly Sayo thought she always did. Sayo didn’t really understand what she meant by what she just said. “Please listen.”

That would be the easiest way to find out. Sayo pulled her earbuds out of her pocket and plugged them into her phone, placing them in her ears.

Then she hit play.

The start of the song was the same as Sayo remembered it. The guitar played a familiar chord progression, the start of Sayo’s most recent composition.

After a few seconds, a piano joined in. It started low, playing beneath the chords, before coming up and blending with the melody. Sayo’s eyes widened as she listened, hardly breathing as the music washed over her. It had still needed work before, but now it felt perfect.

In the corner of her eye she could see that Tsugumi had her hands together, watching with worried eyes as Sayo listened.

The song was short, and before Sayo could so much as think it was over. She looked up from her phone at Tsugumi, who seemed to be holding her breath.

“I love it.” Sayo said without hesitation. Tsugumi exhaled in relief, a smile returning to her lips. “You wrote this?” It had only been a week, and Tsugumi had somehow composed the piano part and added it to the recording. Sayo couldn’t help but be impressed.

Tsugumi nodded, finally allowing her hands to fall apart. “I couldn’t get it out of my mind.”

Sayo hit the button to play it again, listening even more closely to the way the piano part complimented the guitar. “It’s wonderful.” She wished she had better words to describe the way it made her feel, receiving the song like this, Tsugumi adding to her creation like this. Her heart was pounding again.

Even though that hadn’t been what Sayo intended, they made this together.

“I was wondering,” Tsugumi sounded nervous again. “Do you think I could use it in my advertisements?” She still looked right at Sayo, determination evident in her gaze.

Oh, that was a good idea. A good piece of music made a big difference in advertisements, and it would help bring more patrons to the café. This song would work especially well, since it represented the image of the café. It represented Tsugumi, her strength, her warmth, and her kindness.

As Sayo’s eyes were locked with Tsugumi’s, that feeling she had before, that she wanted to do or say something, was back again. Perhaps Sayo was starting to understand it.

“Please do.”

Next Chapter

[the-bisexual-bean]

Rating lgbt+ movies and shows that I have recently watched, mind you this is just my personal opinion and the types of movies/shows that I like may be differ from many others.

1. Love, Victor (Hulu)- I absolutely loved this show, It’s a great show about discovering yourself and your sexuality and shows teens behaving like teens (for the most part) 9/10

2. Portrait of a Lady on Fire (Hulu)- While this movie was suggested by many and many loved it, it wasn’t really my type of movie. While it’s beautify shot and put together, I’m not the biggest fan of artistic movies like this. I’d probably give it a 6/10, it’s pretty good but it’s not the type of movie for me

3. I Am Jonas (Netflix)- Similarly while this movie is artistically made and put together it’s not the type of movie I really enjoyed. It’s good but I personally don’t really get the whole point of it so I’d give it a 5/10

4. Holding the Man (Netflix)- On the other hand I absolutely loved this movie, while it’s a bit long I think it’s totally worth it. It’s based on the memoir written by Timothy Conigrave about his love story with John Caleo. Its amazing and it almost made me cry, so get ready. This deserves an 100/10

5. The 10 Year Plan (Hulu)- While this type of movie may not be for everyone I loved it, and thought it was funny and enjoyable. It’s something lighter and fun to watch and I give it a solid 7.5/10 or 8/10

6. Princess Cyd (Hulu)- This is another movie where I didn’t really get it, while it was a nice watch I don’t really understand the point behind it? It’s good though so I’ll give it a 6.5/10

7. 3 Generations (Netflix)- I watched this movie a while ago but I remember loving it, it’s really good and gave me perspective into a life I know nothing about. I give it a solid 9/10

8. Alex Strangelove (Netlfix)- I feel like this is a good coming of age story, and is a decent watch. It’s pretty funny in the way that most coming of age stories are and it shows a variety of characters 8/10

9. Handsome Devil (Netlfix)- I enjoyed this movie, it’s another good coming of age/into sexuality movie. While it doesn’t show a ton of gay romance I still think it’s a good lgbt+ movie. 9/10

10. The half of it (Netflix)- I got to be honest, not my favorite movie out there. It wasn’t really that good to me and it just reminded me of a book you’d read in English class. I’d give it a 5/10

11. Lez Bomb (Netlfix)- It’s funny but I felt like it kind of dragged on and after a certain point wasn’t all that great. It’s another 5/10

12. Sense 8 (Netlfix)- While this show isn’t focused on lgbt+ related topics it still shows a wide variety of relationship types and different forms of love, plus I thought it was great in general. Loved the show I’d give it a 9.5/10

13. Hollywood (Netflix)- Another show that mains focus isn’t lgbt+ it still is a good show to watch and it has lots of lgbt+ content in it. Overall it’s a fun watch and I got sucked right in, another 9.5/10

14. Sex Education (Netflix)- Another show thats mains focus isn’t on lgbt+ characters but it does show them and represent many different sexualities in it, I think it’s a great show and while it may have some issues it’s still a good watch. 9/10

15. Tell it to the Bees (Dont remember)- Just remembered about seeing this movie, it’s been a hot minute but I remember thinking it was great. While it is an artsy movie I still enjoyed it and thought it was really good. 8/10

16. The Society (Netflix)- This is definitely one of my favorite TV shows, it may not be everyone’s type of show but I loved it. There isn’t a whole long of lgbt+ representation in here but there is a relationship, between a deaf character and a closeted character, that takes place so I’m including it. 7/10 (the show is amazing but not a ton of representation)

17. Beach Rats (Hulu)- Not really a fan, I found it a bit boring tbh. I’ve had it be recommend by a couple of people but it’s not my type of film. 5/10

18. Call Me by Your Name (illegally)- It would be okay except there is a big age difference and one of them is 17, which just make it seem very pedo-like. I know a lot of people loved it but I couldn’t get over that fact, it really ruined it for me. 4/10

19. D.E.B.S. (Illegally)- It was super stupid and funny, just complete satire but I enjoyed it, if you want something chill to just vibe this is a good movie to watch (they do use the r-slur once though so points off) 7/10

20. Happiest Season (Hulu)- This movies pretty good but it is your average “ahh I’m not out to my family yet and I’m bringing my SO over” kinda movie. I’ve seen a couple and they all go almost the same way, which is fine cause they’re good but for once I wish it was a movie that wasn’t about coming out. Overall I’ll give it a 6/10 in the spirit of Christmas.

21. Milk (Amazon)- This movie is based on Harvey Milk’s life and while there are some things they didn’t get completely accurate throughout the film I think it is still a wonderful and moving movie. It follows his life from 40 to his death and his many political campaigns as one of the first openly gay public officials. I give it a 8/10 because it was a great watch but I know it isn’t completely accurate. I will be reading a historically accurate book about his life soon (both the movie and book are for a paper for my History class) so if you want me to tell y’all about it let me know!

22. She-Ra (Netflix)- normally I’m not really able to get into cartoons but I loved this one so much! It’s just a fantastic show with so many twists and turns that just blew my mind, and there is a bit of representation for mostly everyone in it even though some the characters aren’t even human-like.  it isn’t a show that focuses on being gay which I kind of enjoyed, I liked how they just threw it in for a little bit spice and just showed the relationships as normal and typical and not making a big deal of out of. I highly recommend it and give it a 9.5/10, it’s only not a perfect time to 10 because I feel like the ending could’ve been better and expand more. 

23. Heartstopper (Netflix)- I never read the series but I watched all of it over 2 days so hopefully that says something about how good it is. From what I’ve seen it’s pretty true to the material source which is always great, and the story is just amazing. There’s tons of representation and shows teens being teens and figuring themselves out. I really liked it and can’t wait for more! 9/10

24. Our Flag Means Death (HBO)- This is a fantastic show that I absolutely loved. Definitely need another season cause that ending, ahhhh (if you know, you know) but yea 10/10 definitely recommend

25. Interview with the Vampire (2022 version, illegally)- loved the movie so I thought I’d give this a try. It was good if I ignored what it was supposed to be based on since there are just so many inconsistencies. It is gay but also so toxic and abusive so that’s not good. Overall 7/10 for the show 0/10 for the relationship, it’s not healthy man.

26. Dragon Prince (Netflix)- This is a great magical show and it has lots of just casual representation. There’s no big fan faire about it and no one makes a big deal, that’s just how life is and there’s more pressing matters. It’s also just a great show, even though I feel I’m not the target demographic. Overall 9/10, currently having finished the newest season so we’ll see how it goes.

While this may not be that long of a list there are still a ton of lgbt+ movies and shows that I haven’t had the chance to watch or finish, there are many more on my list to watch through. Once I’ve seen a some more I’ll make another list of ratings. Do y’all have any suggestions based on what I like? If so just drop a note (? I’m not really see how tumblr works ngl)

[srhlsx]

CHAPTER 14

master | ch. 13 | ch. 15

warning for a bit of mental/emotional abuse

When you were getting ready in your bathroom, music playing and your dog checking in on you every once in a while, you hadn’t thought about it. You focused on how that one piece of hair just didn’t seem to want to cooperate and you were hoping that it wouldn’t throw off your look for the entire night.

When you were on the phone with Oikawa, confirming that he was actually going to stay in that night even though you’d invited him to come to the party with you, you hadn’t thought about it. He reassured you that you should go without him, they had a lot of practice coming up over summer break and he needed to rest while he could, so he was going to go to bed early and hoped you had fun.

Even when you were on your way to the party, laughing and joking with Ichika as you blasted music through your phone, you still didn’t think about it. You sang along to the words, getting weird looks from strangers who passed by you on the street, wondering just what two high school girls were doing at this time of night being so obnoxious.

You didn’t think about seeing him until he was standing right in front of you, looking down with the same condescending smile you knew so well. His eyes were slightly glossed over and he had started to grow out his hair, but overall your ex-boyfriend still looked the same as he did on that day months ago when he left you on the train platform.

“Hi, (y/n).” He smirked down at you, noticing that he had definitely caught you off guard. His voice had an air of superiority to it, a slimy tone like you’d expect a cartoon snake to use before it devoured the innocent animated bunny. He was an apex predator and you were caught out in the open.

You’d been so distracted with dance, putting up a front for Oikawa’s sake, and someone else you honestly hadn’t given yourself time to even think about him and what he was doing while away at university. You thought to yourself that you should actually thank Oikawa for that distraction when you got the chance. He was going to be so smug when you told him, he had said it would help you as well.

Neither you nor your ex had bothered to try and contact one another, and you’d stopped following him on all social media the night he broke up with you. You knew it was a dark spiral that you weren’t willing to go into if you saw him doing whatever on your feed so you had told yourself that you were going to remove yourself from that issue altogether.

But with him suddenly right in front of you and very real, that confidence you once had seemed to disappear. Now, you weren’t sure how you felt about yourself.

“Hi,” You greeted back, sounding weaker than you intended. You tried to look anywhere that wasn’t him, but he managed to step in front of you making sure your eyes caught his. “What are you doing back?”

“It’s summer break!” He said with a little too much enthusiasm. “I was going to text you, see if you wanted to hang out- ” Yeah, you knew what hang out meant. “-but then I saw you were with that Oikawa guy now? What’s the deal with that?”

Your eyes snapped up to his face, dread suddenly pooling in your stomach at the mention of the fake relationship you’d actually been putting a lot of effort into. He took a long sip of the drink he was holding and you were sure you saw him sway just a little bit.

At the mention of him seeing you with Oikawa, you understood that he meant on social media. You didn’t miss the fact that he was still following you - you were petty enough to hope that he still saw your life was doing just fine. 

You’d posted a grand total of two photos with Oikawa, neither one specifically labeling him as your boyfriend, and didn’t really think much of it - the only people you assumed would think anything of it were people from your school. You wondered if he had been asking around about you, confirming suspicions he had. It made you a little happy inside to know he was that nosy.

That happiness was short-lived when he started speaking again.

“Could you even wait a few months?” He laughed viciously, expression turning into one of pity. “We were together two years, (y/n), guess you just couldn’t wait for the next meal ticket.”

“Excuse me?” You choked, doing your best not to stumble over your words. “You were the one that broke up with me. For, and I quote, mature, experienced, and smart college girls.”

“Yeah,” He shrugged. “But I thought I’d at least get to have a little fun when I came back, shit. I thought you wanted to wait for me?”

You looked at him incredulously, blinking a few times to comprehend the words he was repeating back to you. You were fighting so hard to not let the feeling of guilt start to pool in your stomach, you were not going to let him make you feel like you were in the wrong. You weren’t. “I was going to wait for you, then we broke up. I’m allowed to move on.”

“I suppose you are,” He laughed, mimicking a sad tone to his voice. “But so quickly? Guess the ice queen really is so desperate for attention, from anyone, you decided to hop on the first dick that smiled at you.”

You were utterly shocked. Horrified at the things he was saying, but glad that the music of the party was loud enough no one was actually paying much mind. You looked around for Ichika but found nothing and no one else you recognized. You were trapped between him and the wall, and his face was looming closer to you. You could feel the panic start to brew from within you, a bubbling uneasiness that felt scarily familiar to all the other times he had been able to make you feel this way.

“You still dancing?” He asked, switching topics like he just suddenly remembered. “How’s that going? Making enough time in the day for Oikawa or does he come second to that as well?”

He kept spewing horrible things at you, not seeming to catch on that your eyes were starting to well up with tears - or maybe he did notice and just didn’t care. He made comments that dug into you, deep down in your heart. Things that only he, having been so close to you for so long, knew were going to rip you apart and beat you down to feeling like nothing.

“How are your parents, (y/n)? Haven’t seen them in a while, although I’m sure you haven’t either-”

It wasn’t the first time he had made you feel this way. Emotionally manipulated whenever you’d started feeling good about yourself, like you were enough. He could say one simple thing and you’d be broken again, begging him for the attention you craved since it didn’t seem to come from anyone else in your life.

Maybe that was why you’d been feeling so good lately. You’d been on some kind of social high since this agreement with Oikawa started and it gave you much more attention than you’d ever had in your life - even from people you didn’t know. And of course, everything with Iwaizumi, was a cherry on top- No.

You looked up at him as he was sneering down at you, drunken expression on his face looking satisfied. You reared your hand back and let it sail across his cheek, leaving a bright red mark in its wake. 

“Fuck you,” You spat. “Piece of shit momma’s boy.”

The music hadn’t stopped but people around you paused whatever they were doing and stared at you. No one knew what was going on, but when someone got hit it was almost always worth it to see what was going to happen next. 

“You bitch,” He mumbled, holding his cheek as it started to swell up, his ear on that side of his face ringing from the impact. “I am so never going to take you back.”

“Good!” You yelled, spreading your arms wide, like you really gave a damn. “At least now when I do get fucked, I don’t have to worry about getting cried on!”

That made the crowd around you laugh, but you didn’t hear it. You heard the pounding in your heart as it boomed in your chest, making you feel dizzy. You had had enough and spun on your heel to leave, not caring who you had to push out of the way to find the door.

No crying. No crying. No fucking crying, (y/n).

When you got outside, the cool summer air hit the exposed skin on your legs and arms giving you chills. It’d been so hot in that house that you didn’t notice you’d been sweating a little bit and the perspiration made the air seem even cooler. You stomped down the path to the road, crossing your arms tightly across your chest to provide yourself a little bit of warmth.

It didn’t take long for the high to run out and soon you found yourself huddled against the wall in an alley, crashing emotionally, squeezing your eyes shut as tightly as you could to stop the tears from falling. His words echoed in your head, making you wonder about the amount of truth they held. You couldn’t help it, they were words you’d been told repeatedly for two years and you were never given a chance to think otherwise.

Taking out your phone you initially started to dial Ichika’s number. The dial rang and rang but when it went to voicemail and you felt the first sob come out in a gasping choke you immediately hung up. Next was Oikawa’s number, but you remembered he had told you he was going to bed early tonight. Even if you did manage to wake him up, no way was his mom going to let him out of the house at this hour.

You kept scrolling until you came to another name. This one making the small amount of alcohol in your stomach churn slightly, but not in a bad way. You sent a silent prayer up as the phone rang, hoping for that soothing voice to answer.

“(y/n)?” A feeling of chills went down your spine and this time you knew it wasn’t from the breeze, but instead the gravely tone of voice that answered your call.

“H-haji,” You could hear the break in your voice as another sob racked through your body. Something about him made your defenses break down suddenly and you let the tears start to fall. “Can you come get me?”

He didn’t hesitate answering and you could hear the shuffling of blankets and clothes in the background. “Where are you?”

[tiramisiyu]

Tears of Themis: Lu Jinghe’s Birthday - NPC Interviews Part 3

Translation Masterlist

Event Story: 6.13 Decision to Compete | 6.15 Personal Instruction | 6.17 Building Block Dolls | 6.19 Participating in the Competition | 6.21 Birthday Celebration

Event Story Interviews: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Interview 11 – Middle-Aged Woman

MC: (This auntie looks quite classy.)

MC: Hello, I would like to interview the participants of the building blocks competition. I contacted you regarding this previously.

Middle-aged Woman: Ah, it’s you, young lady. Let’s start.

START QUESTIONING

⊳ Reason for competing

MC: May I ask, why are you participating in this building blocks competition?

Middle-aged Woman: Because I am currently writing a book related to building blocks. When I saw news of this competition, I signed up to participate.

MC: Writing books? Are you an author?

Middle-aged Woman: I am a sociologist, and I mostly research major societal issues. Building blocks are my next topic.

⊳ Competition Theme

MC: Do you have any thoughts regarding the theme of this competition, “A Reconstruction of World-Famous Artworks”?

Middle-aged Woman: Based on my current inquiries, this is a relatively special theme. It’s been a long time since it has appeared. The last time was around 15 years ago, and a young woman took the grand prize. This was also the first time that a woman took first place in a building blocks competition.

 ⊳ World-Famous Artworks

MC: What do you know of world-famous artworks?

Middle-aged Woman: My apologies, I don’t know too much about art. However, if I have the chance, I very much would like to perform research regarding female artists.  

 ⊳ “Z”

MC: Do you know of “Z”?

Middle-aged Woman: I do. My daughter likes this artist a lot. She showed me Z’s new works before – he changed from the past portrait works that were common to depicting the shepherd girl scenery. That painting makes me feel relaxed and happy.

 ⊳ Things she wants to say to “Z”

MC: Is there anything you want to say to “Z”?

Middle-aged Woman: I hope that he can create more works and leave some more treasures for this time and age.

END QUESTIONING

 MC: That ends today’s interview. Thank you for your cooperation.

Middle-aged Woman: No problem. Goodbye, young lady.

MC: Goodbye!

Interview 12 – Zheng Ze

Zheng Ze: Miss Lawyer, we meet again.

MC: Zheng Ze? Are you also participating in the building blocks competition?

Zheng Ze: Yes, I didn’t think that the person who asked to interview me was you.

MC: Then let’s start.

START QUESTIONING

⊳ Reason for competing

MC: Why are you participating in this building blocks competition?

Zheng Ze: Because I heard that “Z” would personally make an appearance at this building blocks competition as an evaluator. For that issue last time, though I requested Pax’s CEO Lu to help me express my apologies, I didn’t apologize in person, so I still felt apologetic. If I participate in the competition, I might be able to see “Z” and say sorry to him in person…

MC: (He’s talking about the counterfeit “Z” artwork issue before...)

MC: Don’t worry. “Z” will definitely feel your sincerity and apologies.

 ⊳ Competition Theme

MC: Do you have any thoughts regarding the theme of this competition, “A Reconstruction of World-Famous Artworks”?

Zheng Ze: I like this theme very much. Though I don’t know much about building blocks, painting is my specialty. To see “Z”, I will study to the best of my ability.

 ⊳ World-Famous Artworks

MC: What do you know of world-famous artworks?

Zheng Ze: This is my specialty. I’ve recently been learning Friedrich’s painting techniques. His “Wanderer above the Sea of Fog” uses snowy mountains, fog, and lighting to express majestic spiritual power – it’s incredibly unique.  

MC: This painting… I don’t think I’ve heard of it.

Zheng Ze: Yes, this painting is rather unpopular - it’s never been exhibited in Stellis City. But if you have the chance, you must see it for yourself.  

 ⊳ Things he wants to say to “Z”

MC: If you meet “Z”, is there anything you want to say to him, aside from apologizing?

Zheng Ze: I would like to discuss painting techniques with “Z”. His usage of Rembrandt’s lighting is superb. If I can speak with him, I would surely benefit from it.

 ⊳ Recent Circumstances

MC: It’s been a long while since we saw each other. Are you and your wife doing well?

Zheng Ze: Thank you for your concern. We’re doing very well, and Ruirui’s illness is gradually improving. Back then, CEO Lu helped me a lot. I’m very grateful to him.

END QUESTIONING

 MC: Alright, that ends today’s interview. Thank you for your cooperation.

Zheng Ze: No problem. Goodbye, Miss Lawyer.

MC: Goodbye!

Interview 13 – Tired Young Man

MC: (This interviewee looks really tired…)

MC: Hello! I would like to interview the participants of the building blocks competition. I contacted you regarding this previously.

Tired Young Man: I remember you. Let’s start then – after the interview I’ve got to get home and sleep.

START QUESTIONING

⊳ Reason for competing

MC: May I ask, why are you participating in this building blocks competition?

Tired Young Man: Because my favourite painter will be serving as this competition’s special evaluator. He’s a very mysterious person and has never revealed himself in public. This sort of opportunity is so rare that I definitely can’t miss it.

MC: Favourite painter… is that “Z”?

Tired Young Man: You know “Z”?

MC: Yes, “Z” is very well-known. Lots of people came for this competition because of him.

 ⊳ Competition Theme

MC: Do you have any thoughts regarding the theme of this competition, “A Reconstruction of World-Famous Artworks”?

Tired Young Man: This theme fits with my major very well. I’m very interested in it.

MC: Major?

Tired Young Man: Yes, I am a grad student at Stellis University, majoring in oil painting.

 ⊳ World-Famous Artworks

MC: As a student majoring in oil painting, you must know a lot about world-famous artworks, right?

Tired Young Man: I wouldn’t say that I “know a lot”, but I have once written a thesis related to Rembrandt. Rembrandt is skilled at using the contrast of lighting, giving his paintings a dramatic feeling. This is also what I am aiming for.

 ⊳ Things he wants to say to “Z”

MC: If you were to meet “Z”, is there anything you want to say to him?

Tired Young Man: Ah… I’d probably want to thank him.

MC: Thank him?

Tired Young Man: Yes. There was once a period when I wanted to give up on art, feeling like I didn’t have enough artistic talent. Z’s artworks gave me the courage to continue. I want to tell “Z” that his excellence encouraged many people like me, and that he’s set an example for all of us.

 ⊳ Reason for tiredness

MC: You look quite tired. Did you not sleep well?

Tired Young Man: Mm… I actually haven’t slept for two days.

MC: Huh?

Tired Young Man: I’ve had a lot of inspiration for these past few days and ended up staying at the art studio for a bit longer. Though I’m just an unknown student right now, one day, I will become an artist whose name people will know.

END QUESTIONING

 MC: That ends today’s interview. Thank you for your cooperation.

Tired Young Man: Okay, then I’m heading back to the dorm. So tired…

MC: Do your best! Make sure to pay attention to your health while drawing.

Interview 14 – Middle-Aged Uncle

MC: Hello, I would like to interview the participants of the building blocks competition and contacted you regarding this previously. Are you alright? You look very tired.

Middle-aged Uncle: It’s fine, I just got off work. It’s always like this when we’re rushing on projects. Go ahead and ask what questions you have.

START QUESTIONING

⊳ Reason for competing

MC: May I ask, why are you participating in this building blocks competition?

Middle-aged Uncle: To get the competition prize. I’m a building blocks hobbyist, and I’m dedicated to collecting all building block sets. There is only one set of Austin’s “Future” series, and I definitely can’t miss this chance.

 ⊳ Building Blocks Hobbyist

MC: You must love building blocks a lot?

Middle-aged Uncle: Yes, I’ve been collecting them for nearly twenty years. I even have a collection room at home that’s specifically to display the sets. Each time I see them, my mood improves, and they make work worth it no matter how tiring it is.

 ⊳ Competition Theme

MC: Do you have any thoughts regarding the theme of this competition, “A Reconstruction of World-Famous Artworks”?

Middle-aged Uncle: This sort of theme is rarely seen, and it’s personally my first time seeing it.

 ⊳ World-Famous Artworks

MC: What do you know of world-famous artworks?

Middle-aged Uncle: I’m not too knowledgeable on art, though I’ll be studying for this competition.

 ⊳ Profession

MC: If I may be so bold, what is your profession?

Middle-aged Uncle: I am a social platform programmer. Don’t look at how much hair I’ve got, because actually…

A gust of wind blew past, and the uncle rushed to press down on his hair.

MC: (So it was fake hair…)

⊳ “Z”

MC: Do you know of “Z”?

Middle-aged Uncle: I do. It’s that guy who often appears on the hot searches. Each time he appears on there, I have to work overtime. He’s clearly just an artist, yet he’s so popular – it really is inconceivable.

 ⊳ Things he wants to say to “Z”

MC: If you had the chance to speak with “Z”, is there anything you want to say to him?

Middle-aged Uncle: I hope that the next time he puts out new works, he won’t choose a holiday or the weekend. I want to be able to take a break.

END QUESTIONING

 MC: That ends today’s interview. Thank you for your cooperation.

Middle-aged Uncle: No problem. I’ll be heading home then.

MC: Okay, thanks for your efforts at work!

Interview 15 – Young Boy

MC: (This interviewee… is a little kid?)

START INSPECTION

⊳ Soccer ball

MC: (It’s not a surprise that a boy of this age would like soccer, taking the ball wherever he goes. Although, Lu Jinghe probably liked art the most when he was little…)

⊳ Head

MC: (He’s sweating a lot and his hair is wet. He probably just finished exercising, then?)

--

MC: (So he’s also a participant in the building blocks competition. I should hurry and interview him.)

END INSPECTION

 MC: Little friend, are you a participant in the building blocks competition?

Little Boy: I am, big sister.

MC: Where are your parents? They aren’t with you?

Little Boy: Mom said I’m already a big kid, so I can be interviewed alone. Let’s start!

START QUESTIONING

⊳ Reason for competing

MC: Why are you participating in this building blocks competition?

Little Boy: Because I really like playing with building blocks, and I’ve participated in lots of competitions. This competition is different from the ones I’ve done before, so I wanted to try.

MC: Lots of competitions? What sort?

Little Boy: Hm… robot competitions, racecar competitions, programming competitions…

MC: That’s amazing!

⊳ Competition Theme

MC: Do you know what the competition theme this time is?

Note: The game showed that the boy was the one to say this line, but logically speaking (and based on the next line), it probably is MC’s line.

Little Boy: I do! It has to do with art, and it’s called… Uhh, I can’t remember…

MC: That’s fine, it’s already great that you know that it has to do with art.

 ⊳ Soccer

MC: You’re holding a soccer ball, so did you just finish a game of soccer?

Little Boy: That’s right! Aside from building blocks, I like soccer the most. Though I accidentally fell, I didn’t cry at all. I’m already a man!

MC: (What a strong kid.)

 ⊳ Robot Competition

MC: What’s a robot competition like?

Little Boy: You use blocks to create a robot to complete set movements. Like shooting baskets or moving things… and also kicking soccer balls.

MC: Kids these days really are way too amazing!

 END QUESTIONING

MC: Alrighty, that ends today’s interview. Thank you, little friend.

Little Boy: No problem. Ah, mom’s here to pick me up. See you around, big sister!

MC: See you around!

[tibby]

best lekws of the party?

after a long six months, here it is: a ranking of my top five favourite outfits from each member of the party. hope it was worth the wait.

mike:

5. snow ball

i went to three formal events in all thirteen years of schooling and all five educational institutions i attended so middle schoolers having a random winter dance is VERY funny and weird to me. i don't think anyone i knew at thirteen would have had a good outfit for this kind of event but mike wheeler continues to be ahead of us all.

4. denim vest

people will say to me, "but how can you think mike is a lesbian?" and i will remind them of the time she wore a denim vest and bullied a twunk into giving her what she wanted. and that will close the case without a second thought.

3. pastel polo

thinking about the text i got from a friend that just said "okay yeah this shirt is kind of a lesbian look"

2. yellow button up

i have made many jokes at the expense of stranger things and will continue to do so as long as i am alive but i must say. the talent the wardrobe team has whenever they put any character in yellow...maybe the smartest people on the crew. anyway. here's another shirt that i wish that i owned.

1. s2 sweater

could it be anything else? the sweater that immediately went to the top of every lesbian's "Fashion I Need" list. mike wheeler was NOT going to let her trauma and fear and confusion from being far more fashionable than i ever was in 7th grade.

eleven:

5. bitchin’

she said it best herself

4. denim overalls and grey sweater

i kind of completely forgot about this until i was making this list and like, how the fuck did i manage that? i would wear this outfit now. i may not be a fan of jim hopper or his wardrobe but he really was doing some good parenting when he bought his daughter this outfit

3. paint splatter shirt

oh to be a fourteen year old psychic in 1985 hanging out with my lesbian best friend at the mall and stealing some really amazing pieces of clothing like this shirt and the fun romper and hat it can be paired with.

2. yellow shirt and black pants with suspenders

see above re: my comments on yellow shirts. did you know that a store was selling this outfit for FAR too much money but i still considered buying it? kinda upset that a 14 year old has my dream wardrobe

1. colourful romper

there is a reason i've seen about 50 people in their twenties wearing the knockoffs that target and hot topic made of this: because it's GREAT. probably my favourite piece in a season full of a consistently good wardrobe. el has been wearing stuff that isn't flannel for all of one hour and still has a better eye for fashion than i do. also the fact she probably stole this is a plus.

max:

5. intro outfit

max arrived in hawkins and was like. time to prove i am the superior sibling in my family when it comes to personality, skateboarding skills, and outfits.

4. halloween costume

not only did she outshine the party when it came to halloween scares, but she also kind of outshined them when it came to outfits. how were their matching ghostbusters outfits ever going to compare?

3. braids

at fourteen, max mayfield has managed to work out something that some people spend their whole lives not knowing: when you go to deal with a demon that has possessed your shitty older stepbrother, you need to wear a memorable outfit. and where can you go wrong with purple and blue stripes on a shirt and fun little braids?

2. yellow shirt

they’re all rocking great outfits honestly, but max still wins because she’s got that great shirt and those fun denim shorts. the boys never stood a chance.

1. rainbow shirt

as someone who has been a fourteen year old lesbian with messy red hair, i can confidently say i never had the ability to rock an outfit like this. godspeed, maxine.

will: 

5. dnd wizard

will byers said You Guys Are Going To Ignore My Campaign So I Am Going To Force You To Care By Wearing The Most Theatrical Outfit Possible And Yelling At You To Wake Up. and was he wrong for that? no!

4. s2 flannel

imagine mike wheeler showing up in the best sweater of all time and everyone else at your school is like Holy Shit, Cannot Compare To That Outfit. and they would be right but my GOD did will put a valiant effort in. LOVING the colours here truly.

3. girls don’t play video games

will byers is allowed to be a misogynist because he will wear a great outfit while doing it

2. s1 outfit

i think we've established that i'm a fan of vests. but really, if you're going to be trapped in another dimension for a week, you'd want to have an awesome outfit while doing it.

1. mindflayer (0) vs a great outfit (1)

the shorts are fun! the shirt has nice colours! this is probably the least his hair has looked like he's a beatles reject! i know everyone was busy being "traumatised" or "dying" but that's no excuse for nobody complimenting him on this absolute look

lucas:

5. final s3 outfit

lucas went to say goodbye to the byers family in this great shirt to make sure they’d never forget him. and who could, in a green like that?

4. blue stripes

there’s so many stripes on this list, but none of them hold a candle to this shirt, if i’m honest. blue is my favourite colour, so i’m a little biased, but it’s a nice range of shades paired with a great jacket. 10/10. the only reason it’s not higher is because he just has consistently has a great wardrobe.

3. red turtleneck, hidden by even cooler clothes

do you know how hard it is to wear three layers and make every piece count? apparently not hard at all for mr sinclair. he always has such a coordinated outfit and i think he might be the true fashion icon of this show for that...the colours here are perfect and every piece is just nice on its own. get lucas on project runway and he'd WIN.

2. summertime style

my notes for this look just say "fun hat" which i think is all that needs to be said

1. camo bandana

he looked up Outfits To Bully Jocks In and honestly? he was successful on both fronts.

dustin:

5. three great items to create a masterpiece

cards on the table, i forgot about this outfit until now. but i never will again. we’ve established i like yellow shirts, but combined with his iconic hat and the fun jacket i talk about later? he made his point. i’m sorry dustin.

4. vest

another vest! like, if it works, it works, and this definitely does. also, i appreciate his ability to keep his hat on despite being trapped in a secret underground russian basement, for like, three days. he knew it completed the outfit. he was NOT letting that go.

3. purple hoodie

steve, how does it feel to have an outfit that doesn’t measure up to the looks of not one, but two middle schoolers?

2. spy outfit

i’m kind of annoyed we didn’t get a good look at this outfit. both of the shirts are such fun and the kind of thing that i would probably wear today. it was good of steve to wear the scoops outfit and allow dustin to have his moment. although, really, what could top those patterns?

1. snow ball

like, i’m a 22 year old lesbian, i’m not going to fight a bunch of middle schoolers for not appreciating this outfit. but c’mon. i’ve been through 8th grade. this is absolutely a step up from what the guys i knew would wear. he manages to make it work without the blazer and with steve’s ridiculous hair tips. give a king a little more respect.

[fen--harel]

50 Interesting OC Asks

TW: Kal & Victor are just terrible so things they say might be disturbing

1. What is a rumor people tell about them? 

For Asiel and Alaina it’s definitely how many people they slept with or who they slept with. For Erasmus it’s that he’s a virgin. They’re wrong but they’re also not wrong. I think Stephane would have weird rumors ?? Where people assume scary things about him like he has a sex slave dungeon or something or that he’s so immune to all types of drugs that nothing can get him high anymore and that’s why he’s a fucking savage. But in reality Stephane sits in his room and eats ice cream. 

2. How long would they last in the zombie apocalypse? 

If there was no one watching Alaina - not long. I think she would be able to sneak by but that could only last for so long. Erasmus would be fucking dead in an instant if there was no one. Asiel, Stephane, Eskandar, and Ruben are def the top contenders. Kal too !! VICTOR WOULD WANT TO FUCK THE ZOMBIES AND I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THAT THOUGHT. 

 3. If they’re about to get in a fight, what song plays in their head as their ‘hype song’? 

Alaina: 7/11 - Beyonce (I love to think this is both hers and Asiel’s hype song and when this comes on they dance like a bunch of dumbasses)

Stephane: Don’t Stop - Innerpartysystem

Asiel: Everybody - Don Broco OR War Child - Hollywood Undead

Ruben: Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand 

Kal: Backmask - Mindless Self Indulgence (GOD THIS SONG IS JUST HIM)

Cesaire: I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor - Arctic Monkeys

4. How important is family to them? 

To Alaina it’s important but it’s more like...the whole idea of family ? Since she doesn’t have her own ? Like she considers the Demonios her family so they are important to her. For Stephane he didn’t give a single FUCK about family until he and Alaina had theirs, but before he despised the whole idea of family and thought it was fake. The same thing for Asiel. For Cesaire I feel like family would be a difficult and uncomfortable topic. He hated his dad and was basically forced to hate his twin brother but he got the better end of it ? I think he would be confused on what like...constitutes a good family. 

5. If they had a theme song, what would it be? 

Letha: Stripper by Sohodolls & Future Nostalgia - Dua Lipa

Ophelia: Portrait of a Female by Cruel Youth & Violence by Grimes 

Kal: House of Wolves by My Chemical Romance

Victor: The Dismemberment Song by Blue Kid (THIS IS MY ABSOLUTE FAV)

6. What’s a movie they can quote from start to finish? 

Asiel can quote dumb humor movies like Idiocracy or something and Letha can also...quote those.

Asiel: Please speak your name!

Letha: Well, i’m not sure that-

Asiel: You have entered the name, NOT SURE. Is NOT SURE correct ?

Letha: No it’s not correct-

Asiel: Thank you! NOT is correct ! Is SURE correct?

Letha: No, it’s not-

Asiel: We already confirmed your first name is NOT 

8. If they were given 1000 acres of land with no strings attached, what would they do with it? 

ALAINA WOULD HAVE A FARM !!! SHE WOULD HAVE A FARM AND SHE WOULD BE SOOOO HAPPY !! And Stephane would join her and he would’t really do anything except cheer his wife on and Alaina accepts that 

13. How did they find out Santa isn’t real?

Erasmus: Well, I was around eight or so. I thought the idea of Santa, this magical person who appeared from our chimneys who ate our cookies and delivered our gifts was absolutely absurd. There is about 7.5 billion people in the world and you expect me to believe this single man could visit all the children in a single night and do all of that? No. Impossible. I confronted my parents and they finally told me it was them.

Alaina, Asiel, Stephane, Eskandar, Kal, Letha, LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE WHO DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A CHILDHOOD @ ERASMUS: .....

14. What’s a personality trait they wish they had? 

Alaina wishes she was smarter.

Asiel wishes he was able to feel empathy. 

Erasmus (secretly and in denial) wishes he was funny. 

16. If they were arrested with no explanation, what would their friends and family think they had done? 

Alaina: Asiel got arrested ?! I told him he wasn’t allowed in that donut shop anymore !!! :’(

Asiel: Lanes is in jail ??? GOOD FOR HER !! Finally someone punched her ‘jail card’. So what was it for? Public intoxication or indecency?

Erasmus: I told Letha nudes weren’t allowed on twitter !!!!

Ophelia: Kal ?? In jail ?? You’re fucking with me. Kal never gets caught. You’re just trying to trick me into leaving so he’d be able to go “SURPRISE!” and break my other leg.

17. In 40 years, what will they be the most nostalgic about? 

Victor: Do you remember the night we all went to the strip club together? And I saw that beautiful girl, with the smoothest skin. Candi, I believe her name was, with an ‘i’. Her body was almost perfectly preserved without the help of my chemicals for almost a week! A week with that smooth skin underneath my fingertips. I wanted to cut them off after, afraid that if I didn’t nothing was ever going to feel as good underneath my skin like that ever again. She looked just like she was before I killed her. It was the best sex I've ever had, what I would give to relive that week.

Ophelia:  😟

Kal: *Zzzzzzz* 

18. How would they describe their family? 

Kal would describe his family as “boring” which would be the reason why he killed them 

I’d like to imagine that Victor’s famiy died in a v traumatic way ? Where he had to see their corpses or something which was why he turned out the way he is - so fascinated with the dead but i’ll get back to that later 

I’m kind of torn on how Asiel would react to questions about his family, since he resents them so much I don’t think he would outwardly express that because that’s Asiel’s thing, you can’t find out WHY he hates the world but I feel like he’d be too upset to lie about it so he would dodge the question but in a v sneaky way so you wouldn’t see he was bothered by the question 

20. Do they have any pets? If so, what are they? 

ALAINA HAS TWO (2) PETS !! A German Shepherd named Orpheus and a Green Anaconda named No Feet or Nofie for short

23. What’s the most important object they own? 

I’d like to think that somewhere Stephane has a picture of his family (with Ciro’s face cut out) and he even couldn’t bring himself to cut Cesaire out and he occasionally looks over it fondly when he’s feeling a certain type of way \

I feel like Asiel would have something from Natalie, his sister (I should ?? Change her name LOL) that reminds him of her, lately I have been thinking of killing her off LOL to increase Asiel’s angst and bitterness towards the world so an item that would remind him of her would be so so important to him 

24. What event in their life would make a good movie? 

EVERYONE’S LIFE IS A FUCKING MOVIE THEY’RE ALL IN THE MAFIA 

27. What makes a person beautiful to them? 

Alaina thinks everyone is beautiful in their own way and they have certain specific things about them that makes them beautiful 

Stephane would find genuine kindness beautiful, just being kind not for any other reason than you genuine want to help and you genuinely care (tbh just Alaina in generally, if you’re anything like her you’re all set) 

Erasmus is the same way with genuine kindness, but I feel like he’s moreso people being happy ? Because he’s kind of sad and grumpy and seeing people being happy and enjoying their life he finds very attractive (NOT ASIEL ENJOYING HIS LIFE THOUGH) 

Victor thinks people going into rigor mortis is beautiful so...there’s...that 

Asiel would also be attractive to genuineness but not kindness specifically, just people actually being themselves and not afraid of being themselves - but also Asiel finds everyone hot ?? so 

I think Kal is incapable of finding people beautiful or attractive because he’s so fucking egotistical but I think what would peak his interest is people who are interesting - like if you can make him think you’re worth keeping alive he might fuck you or smthing or at least not kill you so that’s a plus 

28. If they turned into their crush/significant other for a day, what would they do? 

ALAINA WOULD BE SO EXCITED TO BE STEPHANE FOR SOME REASON like I feel like she’d take it as an opportunity to understand him better and she would just be excited to view the world from his “tall perspective” 

Stephane would flip the fuck out for the first solid five minutes but then use the opportunity to take more pictures of Alaina in outfits or underwear he’d always want her to wear (with her permission ofc) god and I feel like he would love the opportunity to be mean to people while in her body just to see people’s faces of Alaina cussing them out but then he knew she’d cry so he would refrain from doing that 

36. Do they believe things happen for a reason? 

CESAIRE BELIEVES IN FATE SO FUCKING MUCH like he believes in zodiac signs and things that are written in the stars, if something is meant to happen then it would have happened is definitely his motto but he would definitely work hard to make things happen as well 

42. Do they drink/smoke/do drugs? 

Alaina is an alcoholic in Arc 1 because she believes that since her life is better now she shouldn’t be feeling sad and thinking that she has problems because her life could be so much worse so she drinks to “cope” with her problems and eventually Etienne gets her into drugs as well but after she breaks up with Etienne, Asiel helps her become sober 

Asiel used to drink and do drugs like in an excessive amount but when he ODed and scared Natalie by almost dying he quit that 

Stephane, Kal, Ruben, and Eskandar smoke but it’s all casual 

46. What is something silly they’ve been tricked into believing? 

Alaina would believe anything you tell her from fucking anyone she’s so fucking dumb and I love her so fucking much for it she’s so cute 

50. What topic could they give a 20 minute presentation on with no preparation?

Asiel: Anyways, and that’s why the Ninja Turtles are better than the Avengers, any questions ? 

Erasmus: THIS IS A PROFESSIONAL MEETING !!!!!!

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Pure (10/14)

Summary: Belle wanted to wait until marriage before she had sex for the first time. It was the one thing that still stuck in her mind after leaving her small town upbringing steeped in religious doctrine and abstinence culture. When her wedding night comes, however, the purity ideals of Storybrooke’s sex education are hard to shake off, and making the transition from virgin to sexually active is more difficult than she anticipated. With the help of a patient husband, Belle begins an intimate journey into understanding her body, her desires, and her identity as a woman.

Rated: E

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[One] [Two] [Three] [Four] [Five] [Six] [Seven] [Eight] [Nine] [AO3]

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Pure

Ten

Belle had hoped that a night out with the girls would take her mind off everything. If she was thinking about having fun and getting tipsy off overpriced cocktails, then she wouldn’t be thinking about Aiden. Or about sex. She wouldn’t be thinking about any of the things she shouldn’t be thinking about, even though she knew that logically, there was absolutely no reason why she shouldn’t be thinking about them.

Unfortunately, her ploy wasn’t working.

They were in Aesop’s, a favourite haunt for the three of them that they had quickly found just after Belle had moved to Boston and fallen in with their group at college, and many happy times had been shared there. It was not a place that she had ever come to with Aiden, preferring to keep it as a girls’ only thing. There were plenty of other wonderful places that she had discovered with him, after all.

She twirled the straw around the ice in the bottom of her empty mojito glass, wondering if it would be too soon to go and get another. She was already on her second, and Ruby and Mulan were still on their first drinks.

“What’s up?” Mulan touched her arm gently, her face full of concern. “You haven’t smiled at all since we got here. Are you still worried about your dad?”

Belle shook her head. “No, I know that he’s fine.” Although she had not actually spoken to him since she left Storybrooke, she’d had regular updates from the nurse who had informed her that he was recovering well but was rather put out at having been told that he would have to give up alcohol for the foreseeable future if not forever.

“So, what’s the problem, then? This is supposed to be a happy girls’ night out, and no offence, but you’re looking like a wet weekend. Come on, let’s see if we can’t get a smile on that face.”

Belle managed a weak smile, but she knew that it would not be enough to appease Mulan, who was quite possibly the shrewdest person she’d ever met. Sure enough, Mulan just raised an eyebrow.

“Please, Belle, you know that you can talk to us about anything. Is it Aiden?”

“No. Yes. No. I don’t know. I don’t think that the problem’s with Aiden, he’s being a perfect gentleman about the whole thing. Maybe too much of a gentleman if I’m honest. I think that the problem’s with me, can I get another one of these things? I think I’m going to need it.”

Mulan went over to where Ruby was flirting outrageously and not at all seriously with the bartender, ordering another round of drinks in and collecting her girlfriend for a full-on crisis conference in one corner of the bar.

“So, it’s definitely a relationship problem, then?”

Belle nodded. “It’s not so much a relationship problem as a lack of relationship problem.”

“You’re not having sex.”

Belle spluttered on her cocktail. “What? Yes! No! Yes! How?”

“Look, when a relationship runs into problems, intimacy is always the first thing to go.” Mulan shrugged. “It’s just one of those facts.”

“Our relationship hasn’t run into problems.” Belle sighed. “Intimacy is the problem. I just… I should never have gone back to Storybrooke. All of the hard work that I put in with Aiden to overcome everything that I learned there has all been undone, and it’s all my fault.”

“Belle, I don’t think that anyone can say that the weirdness you had to put up with whilst you grew up is your fault.” Ruby wrapped her arms around her, stroking her hair. “You did so well to break out of it, you can’t give that up now.”

“I know!” Belle exclaimed. “I don’t want to feel like this, I don’t even know why I’m feeling like this, I just am, and I can’t make it go away. I don’t want to want him, but I do.”

“Belle, wanting to have sex with a man you’re married to is hardly a crime.”

Belle huffed. “Tell that to the nuns.”

“They’re nuns, Belle, what the hell do they know about sex, and what right do they have to be passing moral judgements on anyone else?”

“I don’t know. They’re nuns. They can’t lie or they’ll get smited. Smote? Smooted?” Good grief, she probably should have eaten a bit more before she’d come out if this was how tongue-tied she got after two and a half mojitos. “Smeeted? Whatever. They can’t lie or God will get angry at them.”

“Look, just because they believe something’s true doesn’t necessarily follow that it is. You’ve got to trust your gut in these situations.”

“That’s great, but I don’t know what my gut is telling me at the moment; I’m getting mixed signals from it and I really don’t think that’s down to the amount of rum I’ve just drunk.”

“So, the nuns say you shouldn’t be having sex, even though you’re married, and you agree with them?”

“Yes. No. I don’t want to agree with them, who wants to agree with a nun? I just don’t want to be a whore either.”

Mulan and Ruby looked at each other and then at Belle.

“I think you’ve had one too many of those,” Mulan said, pulling Belle’s glass away from her a little. “Belle, you’re not a whore, why would you be? You’re a married woman.”

“I know that! But I don’t know who I am anymore! It’s like I’ve lost my entire identity! I was always the good little virgin girl and now I’m not. Now I’m not anything. I just am. People look at me and think ‘what is she?’ I’m not worth anything anymore now that I’ve lost my virginity. I have no value to society anymore until I become a mother and I’m not ready for that and if that means I can’t have sex until I am and if that means Aiden leaves me then I’m going to have to accept that.”

Belle looked in horror at the mojito glass. She hadn’t expected to pour out all her thoughts quite so volubly. When she looked up Ruby and Mulan were looking at her with what she assumed were shocked expressions similar to her own.

Ruby shook her head. “Belle, that’s… I don’t think that there are even words to describe that.”

“What happened in Storybrooke?” Mulan coaxed softly. “You were fine before you went back there to see your dad. What happened to change that? You were enjoying married life; you were enjoying having sex with Aiden. At least, I assume you were. You seemed fine about it when you were telling us about the honeymoon; I know it’s not a topic that you discuss often unless you’ve had a lot of rum.”

“It was nothing,” Belle mumbled. “It was so stupid, and I shouldn’t have let it get under my skin, but now it’s there and it won’t come out. Like the rhino in the just-so stories.”

“Belle, it’s got to be something if it’s made you so miserable that you think your marriage is ending.”

Belle sighed, grabbing her glass back from Mulan and taking a long gulp of it before telling them the whole story – her dad treating her as another man’s wife instead of his daughter because she’d had sex now, and of course, Mother Superior’s cutting words. By the time she’d finished, Mulan was ready to take the next greyhound bus to Maine and personally dismember everyone in Storybrooke apart from Rory.

“Oh Belle…” Ruby gave her another hug. “No wonder you don’t know who you are anymore. But we know who you are. Aiden knows who you are. You’re our friend, and you’re the love of his life. Surely he can reassure you that you have an identity beyond your virginity if no one else can.”

Belle sighed, and Ruby gave her a look. “You have talked to Aiden about this, right?”

“How can I?” Belle shrugged. “What can I say? How do I even start that conversation? And it’s not like he’s talking about it either, he just started sleeping in the spare room. He’s furious with me, I can tell.”

“Aiden’s a lovely guy, Belle. I know he’s absolutely terrifying on the outside to a stranger and I was ready to beat him with a stick when I first met him, but now that I’ve got to know him, I know how desperately devoted to you he is. He’s not the kind of guy to get angry with you for not wanting sex.”

“Then why isn’t he talking about it!”

“Maybe for the same reason you’re not talking about it? Maybe he’s waiting for you to bring it up, and he’s just giving you space until you feel ready for that?”

Belle could feel hot, angry tears pricking at her eyes, and she wiped them away before they could fall.

“I don’t know how to talk about it,” she said. “I need him to start that conversation because I’ve never had to start it before.”

“It’s very easy, honestly. All you have to do is begin with ‘hey, can we talk about the fact we haven’t had sex for weeks and you’re not even sleeping in the same bed as me anymore?’”

“Yeah, but…”

“Belle.” Ruby took her shoulders in a firm grip, forcing her to look up at her. “Belle, you need help. You can’t muddle through this on your own. Mulan and I can help you as much as we can, but you need to talk to Aiden about this, he’s the other person in your relationship. You still have Archie’s number, right?”

“I don’t need a psychiatrist, I’m not crazy.” Although, the more she thought about it, the more Belle wondered if she might actually be going mad. Listening to some of the things that she’d been saying over the course of the evening, they certainly wouldn’t have made sense to an outsider, even if inside her own brain, they conformed to a twisted and horrible sort of logic.

“No.” Ruby sighed. “No, you’re not crazy. No one’s saying that you are. But you need help. You need someone to talk to who can offer you proper, practical advice on how to overcome this. Because you can’t stay like this, Belle. You can’t live the entire rest of your life with the thoughts that you’re thinking now. You’re not worthless, you have value, the rest of the world doesn’t give a damn whether you’re having sex or not, and to be honest, anyone who sets that much store by your sex life or lack of it, anyone who is that damn interested in policing what you get up to between the sheets, is a pervert.”

The bald statement shocked Belle out of her increasing hysteria.

“I mean it,” Ruby said, and her expression was so ferocious that Belle couldn’t doubt her veracity. “Why is your sex life so important to that nun? Why is she so interested in it? Why does the state of every woman’s virginity have to be public knowledge in that town?”

In all her years, Belle had never questioned why. She’d despaired of it, she’d hated it, she’d pointed out the inconsistencies and paradoxes, but she’d never questioned why the town found it so incredibly important to, as Ruby put it, police her sexuality.

She stumbled away from the table, the rum and lime juice roiling in her stomach.

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

X

Belle was back earlier than he expected. Normally Gold was well asleep by the time she came in from one of her nights out at Aesop’s with Ruby and Mulan. He never begrudged her it; it was good that she had such great friends and that they’d stayed so close even after college had finished.

Tonight, though, it was barely gone eleven o’clock and he was still sitting up in the living room, a documentary about tropical fish keeping him company as he looked over the notes he’d made for the clock restoration. It was a particularly tricky piece and he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to leave it alone until he’d worked out all the kinks. He was surprised to hear the taxi pull up outside, and even more surprised to hear the doorbell. Belle was normally a giggly drunk, not a forgetful one.

Nevertheless, he got up and opened the door. Ruby was there with her arm around Belle, who was looking pale and drawn and not at all tipsy. It was enough to alarm him.

“Is everything ok?”

Ruby nodded. “Yeah, too many mojitos too quickly but she’s ok now. Not in the right frame of mind to continue the evening, though.”

Belle stepped into the house. “I need to brush my teeth, but I’ll be back down in a minute. Thanks for looking after me, Ruby.”

“It’s nothing, babe, you know that.”

Belle went upstairs, but Ruby didn’t move away from the door.

“Can I talk to you?” she asked. “It won’t take a sec. Belle’s… Look, you need to talk to her, ok? You need to ask her about what’s going on in her head because she won’t tell you without prompting, and you need to know what’s going on. So please, to save you both anymore heartache, please ask her what’s going on.”

Gold nodded dumbly as Ruby made her way back down the drive to the taxi, and he stood there in the doorway for a long time after it had driven off.

“Aiden?”

Belle’s touch on his shoulder brought him back to reality and he closed the door, following her into the living room.

“Can I get you anything?” he asked. “Ginger tea to settle your stomach?”

“No, I’ll be ok now.”

She sat down on the sofa, moving the clockwork sketches before running her hands through her hair with a groan. Gold thought about Ruby’s words. It was probably better to bring up the subject sooner rather than later, especially if it was still fresh in Belle’s mind having obviously been talking – or perhaps not talking, that was the point – about it with Ruby and Mulan. And of course, if he didn’t bite the bullet and do it now then he’d keep finding excuses to put it off. Like the fact that she was probably a bit drunk and wasn’t feeling well and the middle of the night wasn’t the best time to have this kind of conversation…

He bit off that train of thought and sat down beside Belle. It was now or never.

“Belle… What’s going on? I mean, you know… With us.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth he was convinced that he had said the wrong thing, because Belle immediately began to cry. He was about to apologise and try to take it all back when she reached out for him blindly, wrapping her arms around him in a vice-like grip and burying her face in his shoulder. At least the fact that she was seeking him out for comfort felt like a good sign, and he put his arms around her, pulling her in against his chest and trying to soothe her as best he could, without really knowing what had caused her to break down in the first place.

At last she quietened, and after a long period of tense silence, she spoke.

“I want you,” Belle whispered, leaning into Gold’s chest as he held her close. “I miss us being together. I miss us making love, I miss your hands and your lips. I want you so badly I can hardly bear it, but at the same time, every time I think about it and I think about how much I want it, something in my head screams at me that I shouldn’t want it, that it’s a sin to want it, that sex isn’t for me to enjoy, it’s just something that I have to do in order to satisfy you and make a baby. It feels so good and that makes me feel so bad, because it shouldn’t feel so good.”

“Oh Belle…” As much as it was a relief to know that Belle still desired him, even if she didn’t want to act on those desires, Gold had no idea how to get her out of the terrible spiral of shame that she had found herself in. “Belle, you can’t beat yourself up for enjoying sex, that’s…”

He didn’t want to say that it was ridiculous; because it wasn’t. This was the was the way that Belle felt about the whole affair and her feelings were valid, even if he couldn’t hope to get his head around them having never experienced the same kind of feelings that she was wrestling with now.

“I don’t want to!” Belle exclaimed. “Do you think I enjoy feeling like this? It makes me bloody miserable, Aiden! I don’t want to feel like this anymore! Sometimes I wish I’d never done it in the first place, then at least I wouldn’t be feeling like this!”

Her words felt like a slap in the face, and Gold pulled back as the horrific realisation dawned.

It was all his fault, and there was nothing that he could do to make it better because what he had done could not be undone. If he’d just left Belle alone then she’d be fine. He could have lived with a celibate marriage if it meant that Belle was happy. He should never have pushed her, God, he should never even have touched her if he had known just how horrible it was going to make her feel. She hadn’t been ready, and as the more experienced one in their relationship, he should have seen that and respected it.

Fuck, he was a monster.

“I’m sorry.” It was hardly enough to make up for all the pain that he’d caused her, but it was a start. He got up off the sofa, backing off from her. “Belle, I’m so sorry.”

Belle blinked. “Why are you sorry?”

“I pushed you into something that you weren’t ready for. I put my desires above your needs, and that’s something that I can never take back. I’m sorry, I should have waited for you.”

“You did wait for me. You waited for me for three years, I think you’re entitled to expect some output after that.”

“No! I’m not entitled to anything! You don’t owe me anything, Belle. It’s not your duty to be sexually available at my whim.”

“Yeah, well, tell that to the nuns who expect me to open my legs and satisfy my husband whenever he wants and then call me a whore for doing so! I can’t win, Aiden. No matter what I do, I can’t win. They’ll always think the worst of me unless I’m like them. I just can’t win against them. It’s like they want me to be miserable, so they rig the game and make sure that every hand I play, I’m going to lose. I have to have sex, and yet I can’t enjoy it, what kind of fucked up way of thinking is that!”

Belle suddenly went silent, staring down at the floor, and she buried her face in her hands.

“They screwed me up. They got in my head before I got married, and then you managed to get them out again, and I was almost back to normal, and then they got back in. Oh God, Aiden, I need help.”

She burst into tears again then, loud, wracking sobs filled with pain and misery, and Gold couldn’t have stayed away if he’d tried. He had to comfort her, just as he comforted her when she cried in the middle of the night. He had to let her know that it wasn’t her fault, and that he would help her get better even if he couldn’t undo the things he’d done to make her feel this way in the first place.

“I need help,” Belle gasped through her tears. “Christ, I think we both do. I need to get these bloody nuns out of my head. I don’t understand how what they say can make no sense at all and can still make me so fucking upset. I just want to feel normal again. I want to enjoy having sex with you again. Because I did enjoy it, and I don’t regret it. I could never regret that. Making love with you was wonderful. Learning to love you like that… It was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t blame you for me feeling like this. Before we went back there… I’d never been happier than I was when I was with you and I was feeling so much joy that I’d never experienced before.”

Gold took a deep breath, holding Belle close. Maybe it wasn’t his fault after all. Maybe the blame could all be laid squarely at Storybrooke’s door.

“I just wish I knew how to stop feeling like this. I need help.”

Belle fell into silence, and then, in a sudden burst of movement, she grabbed her purse from the floor and rummaged around in it, coming up with a scrap of paper.

Archie Hopper, it read, along with a phone number.

Gold looked at the paper and then at Belle, raising his eyebrows.

“He’s Ruby’s ex,” Belle murmured. “He’s a therapist.”

She turned to Gold and gave him a weak smile. “I think that maybe Ruby and Mulan are right. I think that I need professional help.”

[languidbones]

Scorose Shipping Challenge

Just a bit of random fun. Stole this from @samesanegirl​ - apparently it’s really old but I thought, well why the hell not. If you’re into Scorose, feel free to answer these too – would love to read your response :D

1. When did you start shipping Scorose?

Early 2015, which is late af! But I was very on-and-off with the pairing (was into other fandoms at the time). I believe Cursed Child was released a year after I started to ship Scorose.

2. Favorite ship name: Scorose or Rosius?

Scorose. Nothing against Rosius – though it does sound like it could be the name of another Slytherin boy, doesn’t it?

3. Would you like J.K. Rowling to write a book about the next generation?

No. I did like Cursed Child for what it was, but based on what’s happening with Fantastic Beasts, I do think she should leave the magnificent HP universe alone now.

4. What is your favorite Scorose fan fiction, and what is it about?

I actually stopped reading Scorose fanfiction the moment I started writing them, because I have the tendency of not writing at all once I go on a reading binge. I just regret not bookmarking the ones I really loved, because I read too many to count! The one that still stands out in my mind in the sea of fic I did read is The Hospital Bed Monologue by Graeliars. It’s absolutely wonderful.

5. Which Houses do you believe that Scorpius and Rose would be sorted into? The same or different ones?

Slytherin Scorpius and Gryffindor Rose is a classic combination. But it’s interesting to imagine them in different houses for the fun of it, just to see what unexpected stories can come from those.

6. How do you think their relationship would evolve? Would they start off as friends, or start off as enemies?

I apologise for being a borefest, but I actually quite like the traditional friends-to-lovers trope, though this pairing is definitely capable of a compelling love/hate dynamic. In my mind, however, it’s not the starting point that matters; the story is always found in their differences. I’ve always loved the thought of them being completely indifferent to each other at the start, before friendship somehow happens... and then the attraction just hits them over the head like a Bludger! On the other hand, I’m also partial to the simple idea of Scorpius obsessing over Rose for a long time ala Cursed Child, before finding some (either hilarious or romantic) way of letting her know properly.

7. Say one of your personal headcanons.

Delinquent Scorpius has a crush on bookworm Rose, and she’s literally the only reason he goes to the library. It’s completely unoriginal and a total cliche... I hope to write it eventually rofl.

For some reason, I have the impression that Rose is an uncommonly sincere person, and that Scorpius – no matter what his behaviour – was raised to have beautiful manners.

8. Do you have a favorite Scorose video?

Ah, no. I much prefer the fan art.

9. Name a few songs that remind you of Scorose.

Old Fashioned by Bruno Major perfectly conveys the type of romance I see Scorose evolving into. Four Walls by Broods was also one of the first songs I associated with the pairing :)

10. Name some of your pet peeves in Scorose fan fictions.

- Pointless miscommunication. Or a character being obtuse even if something is blatantly obvious. If a matter can be easily solved with a conversation, solve it with a conversation and move on!

- Lack of female friendships for Rose, and showcasing other girls as unreasonably jealous, mean or bitchy.

- Sex without intimacy. Though this can definitely be hot if written well.

- One-dimensional Albus :(  And in the same vein, unreasonable!Ron or cheerful!Draco.

- I hate the idea of Scorpius dating anyone else in the Potter-Weasley clan in a Scorose fic, ie. Lily or Dominique or whoever else.

- Constant focus on “Who are you dating??” in a fic gets old really quick, for me at least. I like it when we learn about Rose and Scorpius’ lives beyond their love lives.

- Rose being described as ‘one of the boys’ or ‘not like other girls’ – this saddens me the most, probably. She comes from a family full of strong, brilliant women. Of course she respects her own gender, and absolutely proud to be ‘one of the girls’.

11. Who do you think they were friends with?

Rose is definitely best friends with Albus and close to Lily. She and Hugo are cutely protective of each other. She’s really social, and is happy to have a large circle of friends beyond family.

An Albus/Scorpius friendship is practically a requisite. I do also like the idea of loner!Scorpius, or generally him just being choosey af about who he associates with. #standards

12. What personality do you reckon Rose would have?

Rose is wildly intelligent, but she isn’t book-smart the way Hermione is – rather, it’s her imagination and curiosity that defines her. She might fail a subject she has zero interest in, yet be the go-to expert on some hilariously obscure topic. Ron definitely treats her like the centre of his world, and Hermione will teach her well – as a result, Rose is affectionate, warm-hearted and well aware of her own worth. Her parents’ constant verbal sparring may also see Rose playing peacemaker from childhood, which makes her a bit of a supporting character in her own household... a role I see her accepting with grace and good humour. 

13. What personality do you reckon Scorpius would have?

Scorpius’ childhood is fraught with opposing socio-political views from his parents and grandparents, and therefore he learns early on that he has to be vocal in order to defend what he believes in. Has the temper of a mad man, and the most tender of hearts. Thanks to Astoria, he has lovely manners; thanks to Draco, he does have a taste for the finer things in life. He’s deeply intriguing to others, but is reserved and hard to know – possibly his way of avoiding misunderstandings, as others aren’t likely to give Malfoys the benefit of the doubt. But once you win his friendship or love, he is loyal to a fault... and would move entire worlds to protect you. Also, as random as this is – I just see Scorpius as the sort who has a thing for expensive cars, and has zero qualms walking into a Ferrari showroom to buy something he doesn’t yet know how to drive.

14. Is Scorose a ship you’d typically ship (do you have ships that are similar to Scorose?) or are they unique to you?

This is so embarrassing but I literally die for the Bad Boy and Good Girl trope, which sometimes seeps into the way I write Scorose... I also ship Rey/Kylo Ren (Star Wars), for example. I used to adore Lily/James, but that was before we got to know James better in canon (and I’m not such a huge fan of that portrayal). I did also like Harry/Ginny a lot when I was younger. Maybe because I relate to her type of anxieties around a long-time crush.

15. Recommend a good Scorose blog (if you know one).

@scorpiusrose for sure. She’s like an encyclopaedia of Scorose fic, and half the reason I always give up on making reccs... just visit her lol.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you feel bored with your life? I do feel that way, some days more so than others. Like some days even the few things I like to do, like Tumblr and surveys, just don’t cut it.  Who’s someone you miss that you haven’t talked to in years? Ty. Do you miss anyone who was mean to you in the past? No. How do you feel right now? Tired. Do you have severe withdrawals from medications? I imagine I would if I had to stop taking my pain medication. 

What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? I’ve never had weight gain from a medication. Do you have a doctor you can trust? I just answered this in the previous survey. Wth is going with these surveys, man. So many will have the same questions, and not just the basic ones that like all surveys have, but ones that should be more random like this.  What’s the stupidest decision you ever made? Oh where to start. The health related ones definitely top the cake. There were things I could have and should have done, but didn’t for some stupid reason. I should have taken better care of myself.  What’s the best thing that ever happened to you? When my younger brother was born (cue the “awwwwww”). I was 9 and may not have been psyched about having a brother at first (sorry!), but he’s the best little bro ever. Turned out so much better than me. He should be the older one, honestly. I look up to him. And also of course all the doggos I’ve been fortunate to have in my life. How old were you the first time you encountered God? When I was a young kid, but I didn’t really understand it and then I got to be older and went through many years of being atheist and agnostic. I was led back to Him when Ty came back into my life in late 2015. Have you ever been filled with the Holy Spirit? I believe so. Have you ever had an encounter with the supernatural? No. How many tattoos do you have, and what are they of? I don’t have any. How do you get through hard times? * I dont rlly do anything all that different. Like, my overall routines dont rlly change, I still do mostly the same stuff on a day-to-day basis. I do try to find more comforting and distracting things to do, tho, and I try to be extra kind and patient toward myself when Im struggling or when life puts some bit of unwanted chaos in my path, ahah <<< Same for the first part about not doing anything different in regards to what I do and my overall routines staying the same, but also trying to distract myself more. I’ve been going through a really hard time for a long time, but here we are. That being said, I’m not doing anything to try and better it, and that’s where my issue is.  What’s the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? The pain after surgical procedures.  What’s the worst level of emotional pain you’ve ever experienced? Losing loved ones and my depression, particularly these past few years. Have you ever been suicidal? Not actively. I can’t say I’ve never thought about it, but I’ve never seriously planned anything or tried anything. I’m too scared and I don’t want to hurt my loved ones. And truthfully, I don’t really want to die. I just want to start living. I want to not feel this way anymore and not have this battle with my mind and feeling as sad and miserable and crappy as I do. I want to live a live I’m passionate about and actually do something. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? Yes, to God. Do you ever feel lost and alone? “If you’re lost and alone, and sinking like a stone, carry onnnnn.” What do you miss about high school? I mean, I wouldn’t wanna go back, but there were some good parts. It had its ups and downs.  What do you miss the most about college? I’ve answered this recently. Did you like high school? Like I said, it had its ups and downs. What was the name of the first dorm you lived in? I never lived in a dorm. What was the last thing that made you angry? Blah. Have you ever been the victim of a crime? Yes. I’m a victim of a drive-by shooting. Is your life worse than you could have ever have imagined it to be? I mean, I didn’t imagine my life being how its been these past few years... …or is it better, or just what you expected? No. Are you married? No. Are you hurting in any way right now? Yes. Are you currently missing someone? There’s a few people I’ll always miss. What are you wearing? Black leggings and a gray Nirvana shirt. What was the last flavor of tea you drank? Peppermint.  Do you feel like youtube’s gotten boring lately? No. What would you change about your hair if you could? I just need to get it dyed and trimmed. Are you jealous of anyone? No. Do you have a secret? Maybe. If you could tell anyone a secret right now, who would it be? No one. Do you miss someone that you blew it with? Yes. I’ll always regret how things went with Ty.  Is there a guy (or girl) you wish you hadn’t screwed things up with? Yeah, Ty. What was the best date you’ve ever been on? Coffee shop and bookstore dates with Ty. What’s the last great song you discovered? Hmm. Do you prefer color or black and white? I like both, just depends. Do you own a thermometer? Yeah. Has facebook gotten boring lately? Yeah it kinda is.  Do you feel free to post how you feel on facebook? I don’t really post anything on there anymore, especially not anything personal or about my opinions on big topics.  Which stereotype do you fit the most? Don’t know, don’t care. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Burger King, Taco Bell, Chick-Fil-A, McDonalds, and Jack in the Box. I haven’t been into fast food; though, the past couple months, which is very odd for me.  What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? For my birthday we took a gondola ride up 9000ft and got the most beautiful view of the mountains, lake, and city. It was incredible.  What is one place you have always wanted to visit? Hawaii. What was your favorite vacation you went on as a child? Disneyland. Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? I was the 12/13/14 year old with tons of posters all over my wall from magazines.  What was the first CD you bought? I think the 1st one I bought myself was Ashlee Simpson’s CD, Autobiography. ha.  How old are you? 30. What year were you born? 1989. Did you go to prom? Yes. Are you jealous of people who are ten years younger? I’m kind of envious in some ways. For one, they’re 20 years old aka babies and not old like me haha. But second of all, they’re really just starting out. I’m envious of the ones who are living their best lives and having fun and the ones who are starting college and making the best of it while also having a good social life. People at 20 still have so much time ahead to figure things out, and that I’m very envious of. If you could rewind time ten years, would you? It would be tempting. There’s so much I’d like to do differently. The thought of going through college all over again isn’t appealing, though. But man. Some changes that I’d like to change might make it worth it, though.. they would make such a big difference for me. Some of the things I’m dealing with now I don’t think I would be if I did some things differently. What do you miss the most about your past? I miss my childhood the most. Do you like getting older? Not at all. What is the last song you played on repeat? Hm. I’m not one to really play songs on repeat, so I don’t recall. Do you own a CD player? Nope. What hard thing are you going through right now, if applicable? My health and life stuff. What do you need prayer for? Good health and strength.  Are you ok? “I’m not okay, I’m not o-fucking-kay.” What’s the best retreat you’ve ever been on? I haven’t been on a retreat.  Do you love free falling? “Now I’m freeeeeee. Free fallin’.” Do you prefer slow songs or fast songs? I like both. Have you made any progress toward going after your dreams? No. I don’t even have any dreams to work towards right now. Who encourages you to go after your dreams? My family definitely would. They always have. Do you have regrets? Do I ever. Does anyone really know you? I don’t even really know me. I’ve changed these past few years and became someone I don’t know and certainly don’t like. I’m struggling with whether this is who I really am now, or am I like this because of my depression and health stuff? I really don’t know. Are you close to anyone right now? My mom and brother. What color is your trash can? The one in my room is white. Do you know anyone who is stuck-up? Yes. What color is your dresser? Brown. Are you more boho, hipster, sporty, goth, or girly? I’m just casual. What were your favorite clothing stores in high school? Hot Topic, Macys, JCP... I don’t really remember where else I shopped in high school.  Do you drive a car? No. If not, do you wish you had a car? I don’t drive, so I have no use for a car. Do you own a computer? If yes, is it a desktop or laptop? I have a laptop. What color is your cell phone? Coral. How old were you when you first got a cell phone? 16. What is your favorite season? Fall. Do you wish you had a popsicle right now? No. I’m not a popsicle person. Or ice cream in general, really. I rarely have any. It’s been like 3 years since I’ve had any. Who was your favorite family pet when you were growing up? My dog, Scruffy. He was with us from the time I was 5 until I was 18. What’s your favorite color? Pastels, yellow, mint green, rose gold, and coral. Do you like pineapple on pizza? Nope. List five of your favorite youtubers. Nah. Who’s your best friend? My mom. If you don’t have one, who do you wish were your best friend? Is your heart hurting? Not physically, but yeah. What song are you listening to right now, if any? I’m not. At what time of day do you usually feel the most energetic? Never? What medication or drug has given you the worst withdrawals? I’m sure my pain med would. 

[gail-hq-archive]

INVOLVED: Gail Weston and Casey Rose @casey-hq

DATE & TIME: 14 August, 2019

LOCATION: Casey’s apartment

SUMMARY: Kisses and cuddles I guess.

WARNINGS: None.

Gail had been trying to distract herself from the fact that she was texting Casey by scrolling through Tumblr for some mindless stupid memes. It's not like she's staring at her phone waiting for a reply. Pfftt, that's absurd, Gail Weston doesn't wait for anyone's text. She thought as she tried very hard not to swipe down from the top centre screen to check for another notification. It was stupid, putting her phone on Do Not Disturb when she's trying to text someone - and she never puts her phone on DND! So when Casey replied, finally, it only took her ten minutes and twenty two seconds, not that Gail was counting, it unnerved Gail to another level. It was dumb to pretend she wasn't nervous, but at this point in time, Gail might as well be dumb. 

She yelled at the bedroom and told Connor that she was going out and practically burst out the door. So here she is, standing in front of Casey's door, wearing a pair of bunny slippers and not knowing what the fuck she was doing there. How dare Casey text her and basically order her to come over? Gail was an independent woman who takes order from nobody. Not to mention she was smoking hot and had people lining up vying for her attention. Who does Casey think she was? OKAY, so Casey might also be stupidly hot and cute, like who the fuck allowed someone to be both hot and cute at the same time? Gail glared at the door as though it had personally offended her. She should just leave, she had no business being here. What did she even wanted to get out of this? A kiss? Maybe? Probably? Most definitely? So instead of moving, Gail just allowed herself to stand in front of a door in the middle of a corridor, looking like an idiot.

Things with Gail had proven to be a little complicated and very confusing. One moment they were fine, talking like the acquaintances that they were about a month ago. Then she slapped Marley and everything got turned upside down and in a fit of overprotectiveness and rage, Casey had retaliated and had slapped Gail - though she’d immediately felt horrible for it. Then they’d become... friends, somewhat. Casey loved to bother her and buy her lunch, stealing glances when Gail wasn’t looking and noticing the faintest hint of a smile, especially when she hung out with Nala. It was different from her usual demeanor - serious, a frown and furrowed brows. Gail seemed lighter and carefree, and Casey couldn’t help but wonder how often she actually looked and felt like that. 

And then Gail kissed her. It was nice, of course, her lips were soft and the brunette was offensively gorgeous. No one should be that attractive; it truly was offensive. Gail had avoided her afterward and Casey had an inkling as to why, especially since Gail had been intoxicated when it happened. Casey wanted to do it again, of course. Sober. So when she texted Gail that she was free, she half expected Gail to say maybe another time, but she didn’t. And by the looks of Nala’s perked ears, tilted head and curious sniffing, someone was outside her door. Casey waited for Gail to open the door, sitting down on the couch and wondering how long it would take. I don’t bite she texted Gail after a few minutes, then added, Unless you want me to.

Gail had given up on keeping her phone on DND when she kept checking it for the umpteenth time back when she was still at Connor's. It might've been a giant mistake on her part because when it pinged for a new incoming message, Gail knew she was busted before she even checked who it was from. Looking down at the texts, she wanted to curse Casey's name right there and then. No, actually, scratch that, she wanted to punch this stupid door and then maybe punch Casey because she's probably sporting some infuriating smirk right now. But then again, her face was too pretty, so maybe not. 

Grumbling lowly to herself about the unfairness of this whole situation, she grind down on her teeth, stiffen her shoulders and spine, took a hell of a deep breath, and...… 

Couldn't do it. 

Gail jabbed at her phone and sent a message to Casey, because she started this, so she might as well see it through - not Gail.

‘come open ur stupid door 😠’

Although Casey wanted to remind Gail that she'd left her door open and she could just come in, she decided to go easy on the brunette, quirking an eyebrow at the adorable use of the angry emoji and gently placing her phone face down on the coffee table. Was Gail Weston nervous, perhaps? A smirk pulled at the corner of her lips at the thought, feeling as if it was some sort of ego boost even though there was no confirmation about whether or not that was the case. Was it unusual to wonder what Gail was wearing? Was she still wearing one of her work pant suits, or had she changed into something significantly more comfortable? Was she sporting the same look as the emoji, annoyed with Casey even though the blonde technically hadn't done anything... yet. 

 When she finally opened the door, she was met with the brunette still standing at her door, her phone in hand and looking somewhat... flustered? Or was she actually nervous? Casey wasn't sure. "I told you I don't bite" she smirked, moving a bit to the side so Gail would come into her apartment. She couldn't stop thinking about kissing her dumb lips, but she figured it was best to do it behind closed doors and not in the middle of the hall.

The moment the door opened, Gail glared up at the offending blonde on the other side. How dare she look so beautiful even at night. This should be illegal. This is more of a threat to her safety than a broken glass bottle. She had almost stuck her tongue out at Casey when she got cheeky. Unbelievable. 

Clad in a loose flow-y chemise and some Capri length tights, which probably worth more than Casey's monthly salary, Gail huffed her way into the apartment; making sure to shoot the blonde another glare for good measure. 

Once inside, the first thing Gail did was to greet Nala and picked her up for a hug. The little puppy doesn't deserve her ire, she only deserve happiness and cuddles and scratches. Turning on her heel, she pursed her lips and looked on at Casey. "I'm here, now what?"

Casey, of course, had eyes and she couldn't help but check Gail out as she walked into her apartment - smirking because she'd definitely noticed that glare that had been shot her way. Honestly, fucking sue her for checking out her ass in those tights. Biting back a chuckle, she closed the door behind them and watched as Gail picked up Nala, eyebrow quirked as her demeanor changed... somewhat. She was still a little wary and a little defensive, almost using Nala as a shield. 

Shaking her head, Casey gently took Nala from her arms and softly placed her on her bed, giving her belly rubs before she made her way back to Gail. "Now what?" she asked, repeating what Gail had asked. She took a step close to her, slightly amused at their height difference. It wasn't much, but it was still noticeable, especially in an instance like this. "Do you want to do this?" she questioned quietly, wondering if she was still into it. The whole point of it was that Casey wanted to do this sober so there were no regrets; she was just curious if Gail still felt the same.

Gail almost whined when Casey took Nala away from her. But instead, she crossed her arms and looked forlornly at the puppy. This is animal cruelty. Humans are animals, and Gail's a human - most of the time, when she's sober and awake. Now that Gail's without her Nala buffer, she's feeling a little self conscious. What exactly did she expect to get out of coming to Casey's apartment? Did she just wanted to talk? What would they even talk about?Clearly not about her activities last weekend. Does Gail really want to talk about kissing Casey? Sure, the blonde is cute and pretty, and for fuck's sake, why does she even have to smell nice too, and it's a no brain-er that Gail would want to kiss those sweet lips again. 

So what's it going to be, Gail Weston? She challenged herself as Casey stepped closer to her. Gail might have to tilt her head slightly upward to look at Casey in the eyes, but she has the bigger personality here, and the bigger presence. Damn this beautiful tree of a woman. "Do... what are we doing?" She said sidestepping the topic of the night.

Casey quirked an eyebrow, wondering if she now had the upper hand. Sure, it wasn't a game, per se, but Casey loved being in charge and right now... well, she felt that she was. "What did we talk about doing?" she whispered, taking another step toward Gail and softly cupping her cheek with her right hand. She frowned, knowing that she'd hurt her there a month ago due to her feeling anger toward her, having flashbacks to Marley being bullied and Casey fighting the girls who'd hurt her. Marley was too pure and too gentle; she didn't believe in physical violence, but she'd cry at their words and Casey wasn't above hurting them for what they'd done to her. To Casey, it'd been like that - Gail had hurt Marley, so Casey had to retaliate by hurting Gail. Unfortunately, Gail had been hurt in the process as well and as Casey softly ran her thumb along her cheekbone, she silently apologized for the role she'd played in that situation. 

"I want to kiss you" Casey admitted as her blue eyes bore into Gail's, the faintest of smiles had pulled at the corners of her lips. "And if you don't stop me in the next five seconds, I'm gonna do it. I'm giving you an out. You can say no. But if you don't..." she trailed off, the smile now morphing into her signature smirk.

Gail furrowed her brows and continued to stare at Casey. She was severely at a disadvantage here. She's already shown her hand of wanting to kiss Casey, and then she willingly came over to her place all because of... what exactly? She knew better than to be tempted by handsome men and pretty ladies, so what makes this so different? Maybe it's because this infuriating woman shares the same face as Marley Rose -- who was also to knock Gail's world out of kilter? That couldn't possibly be it. It'll have to be something about Casey... But while Gail was trying to figure out the reason why she's so intrigued and captivated by Casey, said blonde was now literally inches away from her face. Now all she could focus on was the gentle caress of her cheek and those lips right in front of her. 

Fluttering her eyelashes, Gail didn't move an inch. She wasn't going to stop Casey but she's also not going to be the one to make the first move this time. Once was enough, and it didn't even went all that well. She flitted her gaze between Casey's eyes and lips before settling onto just looking straight at her, trying to disguise the fact that her heart was beating overtime in her chest and that as of this moment, she wants nothing more than the promised kiss.

Five seconds passed and Gail hadn't moved, she wasn't stopping Casey, she wasn't doing anything but waiting for Casey to make the first move. This was something that the blonde was more than okay with - she enjoyed being in charge of these situations, so she was glad that she did have the upper hand here. Her smirk grew as the seconds continued to pass, adding to the anticipation and Gail's wait. Finally, her eyes drifted from Gail's eyes down to her lips, her hand continuing to cup her cheek. She was still waiting, taking her time before she finally leaned in and captured Gail's lips with hers.

It started out soft and gentle... a lot like the kiss they'd shared a couple of days ago while Gail was inebriated. But it was also different because this time, Casey was kissing her... and quite possibly letting out the softest of moans as the kiss gradually became a little more hungry and Casey's other hand found Gail's waist and she quickly pulled her body flush against hers. The height difference didn't bother her, but there was a part of her that wanted to take this to the couch. Who wouldn't want a hot girl on top of them, right?

To say Gail was tense when Casey pressed her lips against her own was an understatement. But it only took a moment before her eyes shut responsively where she sighed and relaxed into it. She had let out a soft moan when Casey pulled her tightly into her arms, she only made her appreciation known by deepening the kiss. It was far too soon before the contact was gone and Gail was left reeling from it. With her eyes opened again, there was Casey looking at her with that same stupid grin on her face. 

Gail had no idea that a similar but albeit more demure smile was also painted on her own face.

Casey bit back a grin when they pulled away and she'd caught Gail smiling. Eyebrow quirked in curiosity and slight amusement - and slight cockiness as well - Casey grabbed Gail's hand in hers and led them to the couch where she sat down and looked up at Gail. Tilting her head, she challenged Gail, wanting to continue this here and now. "C'mere" she whispered, smirking, challenging her to straddle her or to at least sit down next to her. The night was still young and though this hadn't been on her plans at all at the beginning of the night - really, this hadn't been on her radar due to how Gail had been avoiding her, she couldn't help but want just this for the rest of it. 

"C'mere" she repeated with a little more urgency, beckoning for Gail to join her.

Pouting at how she was caught smiling like an idiot, Gail dragged her feet on her way to the couch. She stood between Casey's legs and stared down at the blonde. At the first beckon, Gail folded her lips over her teeth and shook her head. It shouldn't be this easy to get Gail to surrender to someone, so she's going to do everything she can to make it difficult. But God, it is hard. When Casey repeated once more, Gail stood contemplatively for a moment before she kneel on the couch, effectively straddling Casey. She kept her weight on her knees whilst she place her arms on Casey's shoulder. "I'm not a dog." She said lowly, looking down at Casey.

Gail could be a little stubborn, a little difficult, so Casey couldn't help but grin triumphantly when she finally relented and knelt on the couch. Gail was almost straddling her - almost, but not quite. "I never said you were" Casey smirked, enjoying the position they were currently in, but wanting to feel Gail's weight on her. Keeping her eyes locked on Gail's, she placed her hand on her waist then slowly moved it to her ass, gently guiding her so that she would be more comfortable on top of her. "I just wanted you on top of me, is that a crime?" she asked cheekily, her other hand tucking a strand of hair behind Gail's ear. "Are you going to punish me?"

Casey needs to die. That's it, that's all there is. But if she wants to play then it's only fair that Gail gets to join in on the fun, Gail refuses to be toyed with like a pet's toy. She leaned her head forward as though she's going in for another kiss but just as their faces were only millimeters apart, she stopped. "It's not punishments if you enjoy them," She nipped at Casey's bottom lip. "So why should I bother?" Gail pulled away and promptly sat down onto Casey with as much force as she can possibly muster. With her hands now resting at the nape of Casey's neck, she played with the shorter tendrils of hair there. "I hate you."

"True" Casey acquiesced with a nod, adding, "there are more than a few punishments that I'm pretty sure you'd enjoy." Though she loved that Gail was feeling comfortable enough to tease her - especially when she nipped at her lip - Casey was itching to take control of the situation. She would be nice, though, and allow Gail to think she had the upper hand for the time being. "You don't hate me" she shook her head, sitting up and leaning forward, both of her hands now on Gail's waist, "you just hate that you love this as much as you do." Casey pressed her lips to Gail's neck then her jaw, "And that you couldn't leave right now even if you actually wanted to because you want this as much as I do."

Instinctively, Gail tilted her head away to allow Casey more access. She hates Casey, so much. So freaking much. So she may be just a little into this whole thing that they're doing, but it's only because... because Gail is trying to erase the fact that Connor was her latest sex partner; that's all. Biting at the corner of her lip, Gail kept quiet instead of replying. She wasn't going to give rise to the bait, Casey can say whatever she wants, it doesn't mean it's true. Instead, for retaliation, Gail gave a sharp tug with the hand that's currently entangled in the golden locks.

Casey dragged her teeth along Gail's soft skin, only nipping the base of her neck gently before pressing a few kisses along her jaw. Gail was clearly flustered due to how she'd reacted, her hair being pulled at as Casey continued teasing. She hummed in appreciation, looking up at Gail with a smirk that let her know this was just the beginning. "You can keep doing that" she said, moving her hands to her ass and squeezing, "just know that I like it." She was in control, as per usual. She was the one in charge, just the way she liked it. But because of that, because of what Gail had done in retaliation, she wasn't going to kiss her just yet. Instead, she continued to tease her jaw, slowly moving toward her ear and whispering to Gail that she liked it rough.

"Fuck," Gail breathed out, the tip of her ear redden from embarrassment or arousal, nobody knows. This is going to drive her insane. What is with this girl? Her heart rate is already going through the roof from just the light touches on her neck and jawline. Swallowing heavily, Gail clenched her jaw and pinched the back of Casey's neck. "Stop teasing and just...!" She growled. She didn't want to be the first to give in, but it's starting to look like Casey knew exactly what to do to make Gail give up the remaining shreds of control. While most of the people would assume that Gail loves to be in control during sex, she prefers it the other way around. She's had so much control in her life that she just wanted, no needed, someone else to take the reins in certain parts of her life - that being sex. But in this particular case, she would be damned if she doesn't fight to keep every last sliver of it, no matter how much she wants Casey. It might be a losing fight, but she'll damn well put up a good fight.

"Stop teasing and just...?" Casey repeated, questioning Gail quietly, brow quirked in the most teasing way. She was feeling more than cocky because it seemed as if Gail was slowly losing control and just wanted what Casey was so rudely keeping from her. Gail was anxious to have it, and Casey wanted to keep it from her for just a little bit longer. Her tongue darted out between her lips, slowly trailing up from the base of her throat to her jawline. "What do you want?" she asked, nipping at her skin as she dug her fingers to her side. "Do you want me to kiss you?" she whispered low, "do you want me to bite your lip and pull your hair?" Casey bit her own lip, her hands slowly moving up Gail's back. "What do you want me to do to you, Gail Weston?"

Feeling entirely too uncomfortable and uneasy, Gail shifted on Casey's lap as she felt hands running up her back. She rolled her eyes and leaned in to give Casey a peck on the lips. "You're infuriating." She said resignedly. "Yes, to all of it" It hurts Gail to admit it, to admit defeat in this battle of wits, but it might actually, physically, hurt if she doesn't. "Kiss me already." 

Casey smirked, nodding when Gail said she was infuriating - and she was, she knew she was, she was proud of it, actually. "I am" she admitted, the smirk still prominent on her features, tilting her head upward when Gail gave in to her and admitted she wanted her to kiss her. Casey hummed, pressing a kiss to Gail's jaw, then her cheek, then the corner of her lips. Still, even though Gail had admitted to wanting her and had given in, she was teasing her. "I'll kiss you now." And so she did, capturing Gail's lips with hers and forgetting about the game she'd been playing with Gail for the past few minutes or so. Her hands moved back to Gail's waist, tightening her grip on her as the kiss deepened. This was much better; why hadn't they started it off with Gail on top of her from the get-go?

Kissing Casey, really kissing Casey was an experience. It's not like there are explosions or that it was a life-altering experience, but there were definitely some fireworks lighting up behind her eyelids. Okay, so there were a lot of fireworks but whatever, nobody can judge her. With the way her body melted and relaxed into Casey's embrace, nobody would've believed it that she was high-strung and all rigid seconds before. Gail reveled in the feeling of Casey's lips on hers. They were the softest, plumpest lips she had probably ever kissed this side of college. Whimpering quietly, she opened her mouth which, almost instantaneously, Casey took advantage of.

Not that she didn't like the Gail that she saw often - hard and rough exterior, furrowed brows and a 'don't fuck with me' look on her face - but Casey could tell that she was a lot more relaxed now as she kissed her. Casey's right hand snuck its way under Gail's shirt, ghosting her fingers over the small of her back and slowly up her spine. Not too far, though. She kept her hand in a respectable spot, still ghosting over her skin, daring to move it to her ribs... but that was more than enough for her. She wasn't going to push unless Gail asked her to. Besides, she was happy to just be kissing her, to feel her lips against hers, her tongue. It didn't even matter when their teeth gently knocked against one another's. This felt good. And if Casey really thought about it, if she wasn't so distracted by Gail's lips and tiny noises of approval, she would realize that this was the first time in a while that she wasn't doing anything to make it sexual. This was the first time she was okay with just kissing someone... even though, yes, she did want to switch their positions and lay Gail down on her couch so she could be on top of her. This was fine. Really, this was more than fine.

"Fuck," Gail said quietly as she slowly pulled away from Casey, their noses centimeters away from each other, their lips barely touching. She kept her eyes closed and tried desperately to regulate her breathing and heart rate back to normal again. She's made out with a lot of people, she's had groping sessions like every other girl, but none actually made her feel this much with so little. For Christ's sake, Casey hadn't even touched her breasts yet. "I can't, I can't stay." She finally got out, voice soft and eyes hazy. She was still reeling from the whole making out with Casey thing to really throw back on her usual stoic, snark, and sarcasm façade. So instead, she sat limply on Casey's lap with her arms still circled around Casey's neck.

Casey furrowed her brows when Gail said she couldn't stay, confused at the soft words and the meaning behind them, especially since Gail wasn't making the effort to actually get up and leave. She was still there, on her lap, looking at her in a way that was unlike her usual demeanor. "You don't have to stay" Casey whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Gail's lips then pressing another to her pulse point, "I won't make you stay." She was breathing hard, still reeling from what had transpired just a few seconds earlier... still wanting to kiss Gail. "But I want you to" she admitted, biting her lip a little nervously, "even if we don't keep kissing. We can just go back to my bed and we can lay there. We can sleep. We can cuddle. We can... it doesn't matter what we do." She cupped her cheek with one hand, smiling softly at the brunette, "stay the night. What do you say?"

Gail tried to look frustrated and her usual grumpiness but all she managed was a slight pout of her lower lip. "I can't," she said, devoid of any conviction. It also didn't help that she had made zero effort to move or to get off of Casey's lap. She just sat there and let herself be handled and kissed. "I shouldn't." She said breathlessly this time, what with Casey kissing her neck softly. Gail doesn't push her away, but rather stretched her neck as Casey's mouth traveled upwards. "Maybe." A peck on the corner of her slightly up-tilted lips. It shouldn't be this easy to change her mind, she really shouldn't stay. She had work early tomorrow and she has nothing here, unlike Connor's place. She would literally have to wake up at ass crack of the morning to get home and get changed. But one by one, all the reasons why Gail shouldn't remain at Casey's place were kissed away, peck by peck. Until finally, she relented. "Okay," She rolled her eyes, she couldn't help herself and dove down for another peck, just for good measure. "You don't play fair and you know it."

At first, Gail said 'I can't' and Casey took it as there being an outside reason for her needing to go... whereas when she said 'I shouldn't', it felt more as if there was an internal battle that Gail was fighting against - and losing. So Casey kept pressing soft, gentle kisses on her skin, trying to melt away whatever excuse she had on the tip of her tongue. Casey hummed, not saying anything as she continued to pepper her skin with feather light kisses, both of her hands sliding under her shirt and the tips of her fingers ghosting over her warm skin. Then she kissed her lips - still, though, just small pecks. Not enough to be turned into something hungry and needy, but enough to change Gail's mind. "I know I don't" she grinned her signature grin when Gail finally gave in - her teeth were showing and her eyes and nose were scrunched up, "but I have a feeling you like it." She pressed her lips against the tip of Gail's nose then whispered, "I'm glad you're staying."

Gail wrinkled her nose, not knowing what's the right thing to say at that. Does she say 'you're welcome'? She could, and she probably would've in any other occasion. Her presence is a gift and not many gets the privilege to bask in it. "You have to wake me up tomorrow," she crossed her arms in front of her chest, feeling rather vulnerable all of a sudden. "I have to go back to my place to get changed before work. And I'll have to shower." She continued to list out all the things she needed to do. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all. I don't like waking up early, and sleeping here means I have to do just that."

Pressing yet another gentle kiss to Gail's lips, Casey tried to wordlessly reassure her that everything would be okay - that she would wake her up early so she could go back to her place (Connor's place?) so she could be able to get to work on time. "You know... Connor's place isn't that far from here, just an elevator ride away. I mean... okay, what time do you usually wake up? I can wake you up ten minutes before that so your schedule is not off kilter." Casey tried to reason with Gail, kissing her softly. "Ten minutes. Five minutes." She paused, then added, "I don't know, I kinda just wanna wake up next to you for real this time. I like holding you, you know."

"Fine, but we'll have to make that ten minutes." Gail sighed. At least this wouldn't be as bad as Connor waking her up at 5 in the morning, or at least she hopes. "My place is a ten minute drive. I don't keep clothes at Connor's." She bent down and stole another kiss. She can at least admit that she likes kissing Casey, even though she might not be entirely too comfortable with sleeping with someone but not sleeping with someone. She's fine with sleeping over for random hookups but to just sleep with someone after kissing them for almost half an hour? That's just... weird. "My legs are falling asleep, so if we're going to keep talking or... you know, we're going to have to move." She placed her hands on Casey's shoulder, trying to push herself up. "Or at least I have to."

Before Casey even attempted to move, she leaned in to give Gail another kiss - deep, but not enough for it to drive her crazy, not enough for her to want to lay her down for more. "Okay" she breathed against Gail's lips once she'd finally pulled away, moving her hands to Gail's ass, squeezing before she moved them to her thighs as she scooted to the edge of the couch. "Let's go to bed, then." And with that she got up, picking Gail up as if she weighed nothing and leading them back to her bedroom like that, with Gail still wrapped around her. "You might be a little overdressed" she smirked as she lay Gail down on her bed, her eyebrow quirked in a cheeky, teasing manner, "you can borrow a t-shirt if you want."

Gail let out a high pitched squeal as she was unceremoniously picked up by Casey. She quickly wrapped her legs and arms around the blonde, trying to make sure that if she does fall, she's bringing Casey down with her. "Oh my God," Gail exhaled once she was safely deposited onto the bed. "You could've warned me!" She pushed at Casey's shoulder and smacked her a few times for good measure. Gail tried to be angry with Casey but just one look at that smiling face killed any chance of that. Rolling her eyes, she stuck her hand out for the aforementioned shirt. "Well? I'm not going to wrinkle this shirt any more than I already have."

"Where's the fun in that?" Casey asked her, the smirk still evident on her features even as Gail pushed and smacked her for doing what she'd done. "Take it off, then" she challenged after pressing one last kiss to Gail's lips, then pulled away from her completely and made her way to her dresser to grab one of the many LA Dodgers t-shirts she'd accumulated ever since moving out to the west coast. Without really thinking, she stripped out of her bottoms and the t-shirt that she'd been wearing, changing into a clean one before making her way back to Gail, Dodgers shirt in hand. "You'll look good in my shirt" she commented, wondering if she should turn around and give her some privacy as she changed, "- I mean, you'd look good in anything." She rolled her eyes, adding a playful "you gorgeous bitch" under her breath.

Sitting on the bed, Gail had the best view of the city. She licked her lips as she watched Casey changed shirts and kicking off her bottoms. Casey might've done it without thinking or awareness for her surrounding, but Gail planned to do it in a very deliberate manner. So when Casey came back, handing over the Dodgers t-shirt, which Gail only mildly snarled at because she was a die hard Mets fan, Gail gripped the bottom of her blouse and slowly pulled it over her head and off. Clad in just her black lace La Perlas, she looked Casey dead in the eye as she reached for the shirt before pulling it on. Not one to sleep with her bra on, she reached under her new shirt and unclasped the back, pulling the straps down her arms, and pulled it out from under her shirt. "Do you have a hanger I can hang these on?" She asked nonchalantly, as though she didn't just deliberately stripped in front of Casey.

There was no way in hell that Casey would turn around now, seeing that Gail was basically putting on a show for her. Biting her lip, Casey watched as she pulled off her blouse, put on the t-shirt she'd been given, then took off her bra and pulled it out from under the shirt. It was done so effortlessly that Casey was left dumbfounded until Gail finally spoke, making Casey nod, dumbfounded at what she'd just witnessed. Like she'd thought before, Gail was offensively attractive. "Yeah... yeah. Yeah. I got it. Yup." She sounded like an idiot and she knew it, but she didn't much care as she grabbed her garments and hung them in her closet. Finally, she made her way back to her bed and laid next to Gail, shaking her head. "You're a tease" she stated, though it was clear it was mere banter, "I like it." She kissed Gail's lips, amused at what she was about to ask. "Are you gonna let me cuddle you and hold you through the night?"

Gail made herself comfortable in the bed, lying on her back and staring at the ceiling. It's weird, sharing a bed with someone who's not her friend and not her sexual partner of the night. When she felt the bed dip next to her, she turned her head and was greeted with a kiss. It's nice, kissing Casey. She wants more of that, for sure. "No" she replied simply, but like before she did nothing that might suggest that contact from Casey is unwelcome. Instead, she turned and lied on her side, facing Casey. If anything that was an encouraging sign that Casey should wrap her arms around Gail and hold her.

When Gail turned so her body was facing hers, Casey couldn't help but tilt her head and smile at her sweetly. Though she'd said no, her actions told a different story. Before she could wrap her arms around her and hold her, though, Casey chose to press her forehead against Gail's, kissing the tip of her nose in a feather-light touch. "I'm glad you stayed" she whispered, leaning down slightly and brushing her lips against hers before finally wrapping her arms around her. This was good. This was more than good. Casey hoped there would be more of this in the future but even if there wasn't, this was... this was enough.

[sharpdressedbman]

A Tribute to Chester: Life, Death, Rebirth, and How He Lives on in Memory

How do you properly memorialize one of your childhood idols? Are you supposed to scream, cry, and gnash your teeth? Or do you put on noise-canceling headphones and block out the ambient noise of the outside world for a while? All of these are difficult questions to answer. I guess that’s why they’re rhetorical. It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost two years since Chester Bennington passed. So in a way, this simple little essay is how I can honor him. It feels nice to write something that isn’t fiction or related to a blog for a change[1]. Let’s see how it goes.

Part Zero: Notes from the Underground

I must confess that I was never a member of the official fan club, the LP Underground. I suppose in retrospect that’s how I could have proven I was a legit fan despite never seeing them live in concert except via live stream. But even then, that was a rare occasion. I do remember a t-shirt I got from Hot Topic when I was 12 or so – it had the faces of all of the guys gathered around the classic script font of the band’s logo.

I don’t remember what happened to it. The last time I remember wearing it was in August 2014. I supposed by then I had outgrown it. But still, buying whatever merch I could and getting all of the CDs and eagerly anticipating the next music video all had to count for something.  I knew the names of all the guys, even Mark Wakefield, who was never an official member, and Phoenix Orion (Dave Farrell?), who left before Hybrid Theory but was back in time for Reanimation – more on that later.  

But I digress. Let’s get on with the real meat of why we’re here. In terms of structure, I thought it would make the most sense to go album by album, discuss some memories I have associated with each, and attempt to unpack why they remain so important to me even as time has marched on since then. Growing up with the band, as I’m sure many of you did, you might feel a similar connection that you never fully grasped until the night of the tribute show in December 2017.

Part One: Hybrid Theory

#Forfeit the game/Before somebody else/takes you out of the frame and puts your name to shame/Cover up your face, you can’t run the race/the pace is too fast, you just won’t last. [HT Track 4: “Points of Authority”]

Although Hybrid Theory came out in October 2000, I think the first time I heard it was for another month or two after it came out. It’s still one of the most vivid memories I can still recall, the first time “Papercut” blared out of a cd player. I was sitting in the basement at my buddy Andre’s house and we were playing Perfect Dark with our mutual friend Alberto. It was honestly the perfect soundtrack for the game. Here’s what I said back then: “Dude, who is this? This is awesome!”

               “It’s Linkin Park.”

Even then I thought the name was cool, the way that they intentional misspelled Lincoln – the rule of cool and all that. Elementary school hadn’t even ended yet, but it was still part of my formative years, musically speaking. Before then, I had never discovered any music on my own – my friends had always shown me. My parents didn’t raise me to enjoy music – I hated classical and most of the “standards” went over my head. My parents were still throwing karaoke parties. My old neighbor John showed me James Brown. That’s how I latched onto my first favorite song of all time “I Feel Good”. Then came Third Eye Blind, another early love of mine. But that’s a story for another time, as is my recollections of Limp Bizkit. This tale is about LP.

I wouldn’t realize it at the time, but Hybrid Theory would continue to be one of the most important albums to be me as I left elementary school and hit middle school. The days of Perfect Dark and WCW/nWo Revenge began to fade[2] as Diablo II and Starcraft emerged. The sound of Chester’s howls and Mike’s swagger along with the rest of the bands driving instrumentals provided a backdrop like you wouldn’t believe.  “In the End” stood out in particular, although as middle school came to an end, it became clear that those reasons weren’t ones I wish to discuss here, now. Ask me again another time. It was at the end of middle school (hell, even before) that I confronted the notion of how deeply uncool I was, and probably tangled with imposter syndrome, anxiety, and depression long before I knew what any of those terms meant.

I already knew I was an introvert who was much more inclined to stay inside playing video games, reading, or writing instead of going outside to play street hockey or anything like that. That shouldn’t have meant that I was an easy target for bullying, but hey, it was the 90s and then the early 2000s, so what could you do? LP helped me cope, even if I couldn’t always express my anger in responsible ways.

I think here is a good place to stop and point something out: mental illness has been something that has been immensely important to me – it affects me and I know it damn sure affects my wife and mother in law. I went through a very dark time in my life roughly five years ago that LP also helped me pull out of – but I’ll get to explaining that more in-depth later on. Right now we’re still in the HT era; I just wanted to talk a little bit more about my motivations for writing this piece.[3]

Part Two: Reanimation

#Keep that in mind/ I designed this rhyme/ when I was obsessed with time. [RA Track 3: “Enth E Nd]

Full disclosure: when I first heard Reanimation, I thought it had its moments. But it wasn’t something I could listen to end-to-end and love every single song. Heck, even HT wasn’t like that, since some of the songs had to grow on me. The video with the robots and aliens having a war while the disembodied robot heads of the band sing the remixed version of “Points of Authority” by Jay Gordon of Orgy was definitely awesome, but I don’t know, I had mixed feelings about the album that took years for it to resolve into me think of it as one of the LP’s early era classics that would culminate with Meteora and Live in Texas.

I have a very distinct memory of popping this cd into the car’s stereo while we were out in…Houston? Taiwan? The details are blurry now because it’s been too long. Seventeen years was a long time ago, and 2002 me was simpler, less refined, and yes, much dumber and naïve. On an emotional level, “p5hng me Aw*y” stood out, and even though it wasn’t actually a true Linkin Park song, “It’s Goin’ Down” stood out from this time period too.

Part Three: Meteora

#I’ll never fight again, and this is how it ends…I don’t know what’s worth fighting, or why I have to scream, but now I have some clarity to show you what I mean… [MA Track 9: “Breaking the Habit”]

Meteora is one of those albums I more clearly associate with Diablo II and Starcraft more than any other games. Just something about the overall darkness and broodiness of the album really fit both of those games. Also, this essay project is making me want to go back in time. Not really from a nostalgia standpoint – okay yeah I guess from a nostalgia standpoint. But it was during this era that I really started to enjoy their music videos. Believe it or not, for the longest time, not all of the songs on the album were rated five stars. I used to be stingier with that rating that I am now. It took a while for some of the songs to grow on me, but “Somewhere I Belong”, “Faint”, “Easier to Run”, “Breaking the Habit”. “Nobody’s Listening”, and “Numb” were instant standouts. I’m still not sure what happened to my original copy of this album. The last I checked, I had a burned copy, but not the real deal.

Part Four: Live in Texas

#When I look into your eyes there’s nothing there to see/nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me# [LIT Track 8: P5hng Me A*wy – Live]

Man, I remember this too. It must have come out six months or so after Meteora did, and grabbing it from Kmart was one of my best days. I think it was also the first LP album to have the dreaded Parental Advisory sticker on it, and this is probably the album I blame most for me disliking the edited versions of songs. Sometimes edits can be clever, but when they’re just bleeps or certain naughty words are blanked out, then it gets annoying. Then again, I probably wasn’t a stranger to this concept thanks to early exposure to Third Eye Blind and Limp Bizkit, as I mentioned before. Was this the first time I heard “live” performances of LP? I think it was, and it probably stoked my eagerness to see them live in concert. Alas, it was never to be.

Part Five: Collision Course

#Yeah/Thank you, thank you, thank you, you’re far too kind#  [CC Track 4: “Numb / Encore”]

It’s fitting that as I pick this up on (7/21/19) it’s the day after the 2 year anniversary. I meant to have this finished by the 20th, but it just didn’t happen. Plus “Numb/Encore” was one of the first songs that started up on this go-through of the playlist. If you’re interested in listening to it, I can direct you to my Spotify profile! Numb is one of those songs that have taken on new meaning since his death, but out of all the collaborations on this mashup album, I think it’s the one that works the best sonically and thematically, especially with the juxtaposition between angst and bravado[4].

Part Six: Fort Minor & The Rising Tied

#So sick, if he’s gonna think/That the good lord would come take him/I’m shaking him, “Wake up, you son of a bitch!”#  [TRT Track 14: “Red to Black”]

It was four years between the era of Meteora and Minutes to Midnight. In between that time, there was a sea change. First there was the mashup with Jay-Z, and then this came along in November 2005. I remember being more stoked for it than probably any other music that I discovered that year – and this was when Fall Out Boy, 50 Cent, and Coheed and Cambria dawned on me, among others. For those who don’t know, Fort Minor is/was Mike’s side project. He’s since done other solo stuff under his own name but between then and now he would bust out verses from The Rising Tied and incorporate them into existing songs. I always thought that Red to Black was the most LP-sounding song on the entire album and that for the longest time I thought Chester used Jonah Matranga as an alias and it wasn’t a separate person.  

Part Seven: Minutes to Midnight

#In this farewell/There’s no blood, there’s no alibi/Cause I’ve drawn regret/From the truth of a thousand lies/So let mercy come and wash away# [M2M Track 6: “What I’ve Done”]

In the interest of time, these entries are probably going to get shorter and shorter. At this point, I just want to get the damn thing over with. “What I’ve Done”, the lead single was the one that struck me the most at first; I remember LP making a big deal about how they wanted to start a new sound after leaving their classic era behind. The music video was awesome, and I think LP was one of the best choices for the Transformers movies. I always thought that “What I’ve Done” would make a great wrestling song. Not necessarily as an entrance theme, but as a hype video for a PPV or a feud or something like that. EWR back in the day helped reinforce that belief though I can’t exactly remember what I associated it with – anyway, that’s neither here nor there. The day that I got this album was the same day the shooting at Virginia Tech happened. Finding out that the shooter was a mentally ill Asian dude spooked me. In today’s parlance, I was shook.[5] That’s something that has always stuck out even though it’s something I’ve not been fond of discussing, for obvious reasons. Still, for our purposes here, it is for once, actually relevant.

Part Eight: Dead by Sunrise and Out of Ashes

#Don’t want to lose my innocence/Don’t want the world second-guessing my heart/Won’t let your lies take a piece of my soul/Don’t want to take your medicine# [OOA Track 2: “Crawl Back In”]

The melodies that emerged on Minutes to Midnight, especially when it was Chester’s turn to take the mic, evolved. They turned into another platform for his music: the side-project Dead by Sunrise and their only album, so far as I know: Out of Ashes. I lump this album in with Welcome to the Masquerade by Thousand Foot Krutch and Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin. All three emerged during my sophomore year of college[6], which was another difficult year for me. I think that is when I had the most trouble sleeping, either by choice or for other reasons.  Out of everything LP-related, I think I have given this the least amount of attention. It’s probably time for that to change, ten years later.

Part Nine: A Thousand Suns

#Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds/I suppose we all thought that, one another# [ATA Track 2: “The Radiance”]

If Minutes to Midnight was an attempt to step out of the shadow of Hybrid Theory, then A Thousand Suns represented an aural breakaway. It was vastly different, integrating more spoken word and turning up their signature sound to 12. I can’t remember exactly if it was in 2009 or 2010 that I was meant to go see LP as they rolled into DC. Ultimately, I couldn’t go because of a lack of transport. It all ended up moot anyway because that was the show that got canceled because of Chester being sick. Trying to dig up that post on Facebook is probably beyond me now because it’s a day late. Maybe someday I’ll be able to find it again because those days were golden (at least my pathetic little eulogy for him that I wrote two years ago.)

Part Ten: Living Things

#Fly me up on a silver wing/Past the black where the sirens sing/Warm me up in a nova’s glow/And drop me down to the dream below#  [LT Track 6: “Castle of Glass”]

So if LP had been striving to break away from the sound that made them famous, it was at this point where they were “Nah bro” and went full bore back around into an ouroboros[7] of awesome. While the vast majority of A Thousand Suns[8] had to grow on me over the intervening years, Living Things grabbed me by the throat and never let go. It followed the Hybrid Theory blueprint to a T. After all this time, “Castle of Glass” still stands out as my favorite from the album, but as is often the case, it’s hard to pick favorites.

Part Eleven: Recharged

#When I was young, they told me, they said/Make your bed, you lie in that bed/A king can only reign ‘til instead/There comes that day it’s off with his head# [RC Track 1: “A Light That Never Comes”]

The less said about this, the better. It had its moments, especially “A Light That Never Comes” which showed me the potential of Steve Aoki. But the memory that stands out most clearly about the day I got this album was getting a case of Hell or High Watermelon beer. I think since I got it from Record and Tape Traders, it was the day I found the TARDIS socks for Ally and sent them to her later that week. As you probably gathered from the cluster of footnotes, this was deemed my least favorite “official” LP album, and that ranking has held up in the last six years. It does to Living Things what Reanimation did to Hybrid Theory, but for whatever reason, I can’t bring myself to enjoy it more.  

Part Twelve: The Hunting Party

#Cause you don’t know what you’ve got/it’s your battle to be fought/until it’s gone# [THP Track 7: “Until It’s Gone]

Ah, here we go. LP seems to follow patterns in the creation of their albums. Cause roughly a year after Recharged, there came The Hunting Party. After A Thousand Suns came and went, it seemed like LP was on a creative lull. But then we got LT, Recharged, and THP in three straight years. This came out in 2014, and it’s hard to believe that five years have passed already. To this day, I still think that my favorite part was all of the guest appearances on their album, especially from collaborators they hadn’t featured before then, like Daron Malakian and Tom Morello.

Part Thirteen: Welcome

#First time I did it, yeah I’ll admit it/I kinda hit it and quit it and left y’all hanging# [“Welcome”]

In all honesty, this should be a footnote for The Rising Tied. It came out 10 years later, as a way for Mike to tip a wink and a nod at all his fans that were still waiting for a full-fledged sequel. Fate had other plans, though. I can still remember helping to clean Tidewater while this song blared through my headphones.  This probably became one of my most played songs of 2015.

Part Fourteen:  One More Light

#Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do# [OML Track 9: “One More Light”]

We’re almost to the finish line. I was super excited for One More Light because it broke a drought of no new music until 2017[9]. The song One More Light became more poignant after his passing. I hope it still makes him proud.

Part Fifteen: Afterword

So where do we go from here?  Honestly, not even the remaining members of the band know. They’re not actively looking to replace Chester, and as a group, they’re still officially on hiatus. I didn’t even touch on any of the DVD or special edition releases that I’ve barely heard. I guess in a sense they’re honorable mentions, but without having listened to them, I can’t form any honest opinions or associations for them.[10]

[/mrhahn]

     [1] It seems fitting that I mention that shirt I got as a twelve-year-old because that’s when I started picking up on writing as a hobby. It was a way to release my imagination and translate what I had in mind into a story, even if those early stories were embarrassingly bad. These footnotes will serve to flesh out those asides since they’ll more than likely distract from the main narrative I’m trying to spin here.

         [2] Although Revenge remains iconic! Even to this day, I still long for an N64 and another copy.

[3] Chester struggled with MI too, even though hardly anyone knew it. It’s what ultimately got the best of him.

[4] My fascination with Genius Lyrics is really helping me to analyze and better understand the meanings of the words.

[5] It didn’t help that he bore an uncanny resemblance to me…

[6] 2009, how time flies!

[7] Not sure how to spell this dang word.

[8] I regarded it as my least favorite LP album until Recharged came out. More on that later.

[9] It wasn’t until that I built the playlist that inspired this essay that I learned that there were some other singles issued between The Hunting Party and One More Light. These tracks include “We Made It” with Busta Rhymes, which actually fell between Meteora and Minutes to Midnight; “Not Alone”, which was between A Thousand Suns and Living Things; and “Darker Than Blood” with Steve Aoki that was between The Hunting Party and One More Light.  

[10] One was called “Frat Party at the Pankake Festival” and the other one was “Road to Revolution”, I think?

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “The Work Wife” Part 3

You’ve been working for The Joker for the past 10 years: you speak and act for him and no matter the circumstances, Y/N is always there to take care of everything he needs.  The King of Gotham might not be married, yet he has a perfect partner: his work wife.

Part 1      Part 2     (Part 3 as voted HERE)    Part 4     Part 5

5 months later

“Are you just gonna sit there the whole time?” The Joker splashes the water in the Jacuzzi while you look outside, not even hearing his words. “Hey, I’m talking to you!”

“Oh, I’m watching everything to make sure it’s safe,” you finally pay attention and analyze the surrounding buildings from behind the smoky windows belonging to the second floor of “Serenity Day SPA”; it’s one of the businesses J owns, primarily operated for money laundering.  The rooms upstairs are never used by anybody else except him: he seldom visits and actually uses the amenities since the place is very luxurious.  

“We have 15 men with us, I think we’re OK. Come on, lose the suit and relax,” The King of Gotham requests your presence in the hot tub because you seem absent minded today.

“I’m good,” you mumble and continue to search for any signs of suspicious activity out there even if so far nothing seems out of the ordinary.

“You know how much I hate to extend my invitations twice,” he watches you take a deep breath and gaze his way.

“I don’t have anything to wear,” you come up with the easy excuse and J gestures towards the variety of dressers containing bathing suits, swimming shorts, towels and fuzzy robes.

“Use theirs!”

“Ughh,” the exasperation reaches his ears and it’s not approved.

“Maybe one of these days you could just, you know, drop the attitude?! Only a mere suggestion; don’t lemme stop you from annoying me!” The Joker growls as you choose a random attire and start changing behind the panel as fast as you can, hoping he will shut up.

“Don’t lemme stop you from annoying me” speech is usually between 10--15 minutes long and you are certainly lacking any eagerness to put up with it.

“Why do I have to get in there?” you protest his orders and emerge into a floral bikini bottom with the matching bra.

“Because,” J huffs and completely lowers himself in the bubbly water for a few seconds, then gazes your way. “I must say Y/N, you look decent for a fossil.”

“I’m not a fossil!”

“You turned 36 last month. Basically ancient for my scaling system,” J taunts and smooths his wet hair, thinking that the usual extra feistiness is not present within his work wife today. You step in the Jacuzzi, half afloat until you reach his side.

“Your scaling system sucks, that’s why you don’t have a steady girlfriend,” you lift one of your eyebrows in order to underline the accurate reality.

“I only need company that takes care of my needs for the night; you take care of the rest so I’m fine,” he pauses and waits for the sour remarks to continue but they don’t.

You’re awfully quiet, definitely preoccupied by more important matters than the usual dispute he’s searching for.

“What’s the matter?” J elbows a distracted Y/N.

“Today…” and your voice cracks,” today is Kai’s birthday.”

That’s why she’s like this, he thinks and moves closer to you.

“Wow, the first snowflakes,” you sadly smile and change the subject because you feel you’re suffocating.

“Yeah, I like winter,” he adds on the topic in his usual way of dealing with things. “Much easier to get rid of dead bodies.”

“So charming,” you candidly reprimand. “That’s why women are flocking from all sides; one better than the other.”

“Precisely,” the insolent Joker is glad you’re getting absorbed into his little game; it kind of feels a major part of his daily life is missing if you two don’t clash and he’s aware he has to put in extra work today in order to obtain the desired outcome.

“Please enlighten me so I can prove a point:  when is the last time you went on a date?” you turn towards him, interested in what he has to say.

“Ummm… three nights ago,” J immediately replies.

“One night stand is not a date! As usually, I had to get rid of her in the morning and I’m getting tired of taking out the trash,” you scoff, irritated. “You should have kept the girlfriend you had two years ago; she wasn’t bad.”

“I got bored,” he dismisses your suggestion and stretches his legs under water while you have more to include on top of the earlier statement:

“It’s exciting to see you’re satisfied with bimbos that think you have a stamp collection to show them at the penthouse or drunken ones that you marry on a whim at the sham drive-thru chapels around town.”

“Yes, it is exciting indeed,” The Joker winks and Y/N is done with his crap.

“You know what J ?!!”

Oh boy, here she goes! J grins because he’s getting what he wanted:

“You know what J ”speech is usually between 8--14 minutes long and by far his favorite; you usually blur out a list of judgments about his behavior that you don’t agree with and it falls on deaf ears, yet it’s worth it.

“Mister J,” Frost suddenly knocks at the opened door. “Sorry to interrupt but the weather forecast is showing an imminent snow storm about to hit Gotham in less than 3 hours. Traffic will be hectic since everyone would want to finish what they have to do before roads are closed. Would you like to leave now in order to avoid that?”

The Clown Prince of Crime smacks his lips, debating:

“I suppose so,” then addresses you: “Hold that thought, Y/N! You know how much I love to hear your opinions,” the sarcastic smirk makes you shake your head in annoyance. “I guess is better if we bail than having to deal with the craziness on the streets. Tell the crew we’re out of here in 10!”

“Yes sir!”  Frost complies and you discern the shouted instructions on his way downstairs.

“Right when I was getting comfortable,” J sighs and sinks under the fizzy water one last time while you’re already getting out of the Jacuzzi.

“You can continue at the Penthouse,” you remind the King of Gotham he actually has the same hot tub at home.

“I guess I can,” the grouchy voice mumbles.

The Joker watches as you dry yourself with a towel, his eyes lingering on the only tattoo you have: the Japanese kanji rows inked on your back containing the phrase you’ve been using for years as an inside joke.

He stalls leaving the steamy ambience for a few more seconds before finally abandoning his temporary oasis.

You switch back to your black suit behind the bamboo panel and come out to help him finish up. The white, furry winter coat is placed on his shoulders while J elects to modify the plan:

“Y/N, I want to spend some time at my cabin instead of returning to the Penthouse.”

“Are you sure?” you start walking beside him, surprised at his choice. “With the snow storm you’ll be trapped there for days.”

“It’s fine; I’ll have you to keep me company,” J brushes off any projects you might have like he always does.

“I rather stay at my apartment.”

“No, you’re coming.”

“Seriously J, I don’t want to be dragged in the middle of nowhere. I like that place in the summer and that’s pretty much it,” you try to make him forsake his ideas and pay attention to the stairs you’re both descending.

“I’ll let you know when I give a damn,” The Joker scoffs, signaling some of the men waiting along for his passing to follow.

The door leading towards the secluded parking lot on the north side of the building is already opened and you walk outside, mad he doesn’t care you’re not in the mood to visit that accursed cottage during the crazy weather that will soon hit the area.

Two henchmen are already waiting by their cars and you slowly blink for a few seconds, feeling the snowflakes melting on your face. The faint sound of the bullet shrieks by your ear and you instinctively turn towards J, his eyes already looking down at the fresh wound that’s beginning to stain the white coat.

“What the..?!” he touches the blood in disbelief, suddenly out of breath. You are quick to push him against the nearest SUV, screaming at the others:

“Sniper!!! Get down!”

The goons already outside scatter behind the cars in the parking lot and you help The Joker sit on the ground and press on the oozing injury, the red spot exponentially growing each time he forcefully inhales.

“Shit…” he moans and you gesture at the men that didn’t make it out of the building, including Frost.

“Stay inside! There’s a sniper!!”

“What do we do?” Jonny yells and you shout back:

“Everybody regroup inside!! Stay low and sneak out through the other side of the property! Go in groups of 3 and sweep the surrounding places, maybe we can catch whoever did this! Take the rest of the team and call for reinforcements!”

“You need help?” Frost peeks from behind the curtains, ready to aid if required.

“I’m OK, I don’t need an escort!”

You open the car door and help The Joker crawl in the back seat; he’s wheezing louder and louder due to the painful lesion.

“Keep pressure on it!” you gather his coat around the wound as much as you can, this way it soaks up the blood. “I’ll take you to the doctor; just hang in there, alright?” an apparent composed Y/N creeps on the driver’s side, twisting the keys in the contact.

“It fucking hurts,” J groans and his acknowledgment makes your heart beat faster:

The Joker has a high tolerance for pain so if he says that it hurts, it means the discomfort is beyond what a normal person would be able to tolerate.  

“Hang tight!” you begin to drive, keeping close to the concrete wall enclosing the parking lot, watching him through the rear view mirror. “I’ll take the back streets,” you mumble and immediately accelerate, taking a sharp turn once the protection of the wall is over. The tires screech under the abrupt impact and you speed towards Madison Avenue, having to distance yourselves from the shooting range as soon as possible.

“How are you doing?” you gaze at him and the only answer is a growl.

The Joker’s teeth are clenched together; he couldn’t say a word even if he’d wanted to.      

You nervously squeeze the steering wheel, paying attention to the road again.  

“I think I can make it there under 40 minutes,” the affirmation makes him shiver: the pain is becoming so unbearable he feels he’s going to pass out.

Another turn on Coldwell Boulevard and the last thing J hears prior to losing consciousness is Y/N’s warning:

“Hey, don’t fall asleep!”

**************

The Joker gradually opens his eyes, trying to adjust to reality. You’re sleeping in the recliner close to his bed and the venue seems familiar: it’s the same private clinic you were taken after the unfortunate events that left such a deep scar on your cheek. He’s groggy and a bit confused, a typical secondary side effect of all the medications present in his body.

“Nurse…” J whispers and has to gather his strength to say it louder since you didn’t hear him. “Nurse! Wake up!”

This time the exhausted Y/N promptly snaps out of her troubled dreams, gasping when she realizes The King of Gotham is glaring her way.

“You’re awake,” you jump out of the recliner and move close to him, so happy to see he’s out of danger you actually smile.

A rare occurrence these days.

“Why are you wearing scrubs?” J licks his lips and you reach for the cup of iced water on the cupboard, offering some to the patient.

“We’ve been here for 2 days: it’s easier to blend in, just in case,” you explain while waiting for him to finish drinking.

“What’s the verdict?” he taps his fingers on the pillow, seeking your company for the requested briefing. You lie down next to him and relay the main points to the weakened Joker:

“By the time we arrived, you’ve already lost a lot of blood. You had a clean wound: the bullet went right through; almost pierced your kidney, only half an inch away from disaster. They couldn’t stop the bleeding and I was scared you’re not going to make it,” you gulp and touch his face, upset it was such a close call.

“Why? Were you afraid you’ll be unemployed?”

“Basically. You pay well.”

“True,” J utters. “Do we know who did it?”

You remove your hand, the immediate change in attitude making him aware you’re displeased.

“So we do know,” he figures, wondering why you look at him like that.

“Yes.”

Perfect silence; you are flustered, that’s for sure.

“Well?” J yawns, tired and drained.

“Do you remember your last flame? The one I got rid of 5 days ago?”  

No answer. Because he can kind of tell where this is heading.

“Apparently, she didn’t like that you threw her away the next morning so she did something about it. Thank God she can’t aim that well, I’m sure she tried for the head.”

J is speechless since he was expecting a different outcome.

“The Great Joker, taking down by one of his one night stands. How stupid is that?!” you hiss and try to calm down the urge to strangle him.

“That is quite stupid, my reputation would be ruined,” he tries to joke since he knows he’s going to hear about it forever. “Is it fair to assume she’s not around anymore?”

“I made sure,” you frown, scooting closer to him again. “If you were planning to sleep with her again, she’s not available.”

He grabs your waist, loving the bitter expression written all over your being.

“Any other news?” he changes the subject, delighted you’re so worked up.

You cut him some slack for the moment, sharing your observations:

“I think one of the nurses likes you. She keeps on lifting your hospital gown, checking out the area.”

“Probably to see if I need my bandages changed,” J grins, satisfied with the little confession.

“Or maybe checking out your components,” you honestly reply.

“Components!” he chuckles and regrets it the next second: the sore wound is definitely there.

The door opens and you grumble in a low voice:

“That’s her, that’s the nurse.”

“Quickly, fix my hair,” The Joker demands and you comb the green locks with the tip of your fingers. “How do I look?”

“Like crap,” you sigh, unable to repair too much due to the present misfortune.

“Dammit,” he completely covers the both of you with the sheet, shielding the intimacy of the discussion from any prying ears.

“Miss Y/N, it’s not safe to be this close to a recovering patient with a raw injury. There’s the risk of infection. Could you please go back to your recliner?” the woman requests out of concern for the medical staff’s own safety: she knows that if something happens to The Clown Prince of Crime while under their care, they will pay for the consequences.

“Make me!” you sneer from under the covers, irritated with her plea.

“Yeah, make her!” J growls also and it’s a red flag for the nurse to leave before one of you snaps. The care giver leaves some medications on the cabinet, planning to return later.

“Try not to contaminate me,” he pouts and you roll your eyes. “I already sacrificed a lady’s interest in me by siding with the competition.”

“You’re so full of it,” you kick his knee, careful not to touch the stitched laceration.

He has no clue how much it terrified you that he almost died on Kai’s birthday; it would have been unbearable to think each year at the same date about two men you care about no longer around.

*************

After 3 weeks

The Joker was released from the clinic yesterday and went straight to the cabin in the Willow Woods, hauling a vexed work wife with him against her will. You sure detest the place in the winter time; there are days it snows so much you can’t even walk to the shed to restart the generator. But he said the fresh air will make his recovery a piece of cake and for once you didn’t argue with the bullshit reason.

You are so worn out after taking care of J 24/7 that the tempest going on outside doesn’t bother you. Y/N dozed off one hour ago and the strong wind sweeping the wilderness slams branches, snow and frozen leaves against the windows.

A strand of your hair is being tugged by the crabby King of Gotham; he has insomnia and of course he sneaked into your bedroom after drinking 2 cups of chamomile tea that did absolutely nothing.

“Y/N, are you awake?”

You barely make eye contact, the brain fuzzy from all the restlessness you dealt with in the past weeks.

“My back is stiff,” The Joker indirectly implies a massage would be more than welcomed.“Did you hear me?” he pokes your shoulder when you nap again.

“Why won’t you let me rest?” you finally blur out, wishing you were at your apartment and not in the boonies at the cottage you can’t stand.

“I can’t work out for a while and my bones are cracking every move I make. Plus, I can’t sleep because your dumb tea didn’t work. Are you gonna do anything about it or not?!” he loses patience describing his hardships to the woman that should know all about them.

“Don’t nag me!” the unexpected response containing what J usually throws at you makes him search his mind for a sour admonishment.

In the meantime, you get on your knees and slap his side so he can turn face down, beginning to rub his back along the dragon tattoo since he won’t quit bugging you.

“That feels awesome,” he grunts when your hands work around the tight muscles keeping him up at this hour of the night.

“Jesus, one knot after the other!” you blur out frustrated, trying to relax the stubborn tissue under his skin.

“Told you I‘m stiff; I wasn’t lying. Keep going,” he motivates the grumpy Y/N. “Aren’t you happy that you still have a boss to take care of?”

He senses your fingers stopping, then restarting and something that sounds like sniffling.

“Are you crying?” the muffled question arises from under the pillows.

You wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your fleece pajamas, watching the flames in the fireplace crackling in the darkness. The Joker reaches his left hand backwards and grabs yours, pulling you next to him again. There’s no resistance from your part and his face moves on top of the cushions again.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…” you bite your cheek and refuse to say more on the topic.

You don’t really have to though; The Clown Prince of Crime is neither stupid or blind.

“I’m still here old girl,” he emphasizes due to his twisted desire to get you out of your misery while still being a jerk.

“I’m not old,” you defend your 36 years of existence like you always do.

“According to my standards you are,” the silver teeth maliciously glisten 2 inches away from Y/N’s lips.

“Your standards are pure crap,” you sulk and he wraps your arms around his neck, compromising at last:

“Probably…” and your sudden kiss takes him by surprise and in the same time it doesn’t.

That’s new, The Joker thinks and enjoys the opportunity of making out with the feisty Y/N that clings to him so tight he cannot move.

“I think I’m still out of commission,” he purrs in between kisses and you couldn’t care less.

“That’s fine,” you smile and give him a second to catch his breath.

“Wait…Wait…” J carefully debates. “Ummm…On the brighter side, I believe we might be in luck but you’ll have to do the hard work giving my present situation.”

“That’s fine too,” you accept his proposal and lean over to whisper:

“Don’t worry, I’ll be nice.”

**************  

7 months later

“Did you get what I asked for?” The Joker barks at the smuggler that’s taking too long searching the metal crates from the last shipment received yesterday.

“Yes, Mister Joker, just one moment. I know it’s in here, I saw it myself.”

“I don’t have a moment!” the impatient King of Gotham retaliates and the dealer picks up the pace, relieved to finally discover the item buried inside the box.

“Here you go Mister Joker,” something resembling a booklet is being handed to J.

The opulent wedding ring beaded with purple and green diamonds stands out on The Joker’s finger and the smuggler’s eyes get big.

“Oh, you got married Mister Joker?!”

“Yeah, two days ago,” he gets ready to bail since he’s late for his own honeymoon trip to Las Vegas.

“Congratulations!” the guy has nothing better to do than offer his best wishes.

“Why??” J’s mood switches for the worse. “You think I got a good bargain out of it?! I didn’t !! She’s been nagging me for 11 years; I just made it official !”

“I’m sorry Mister Joker,” another wrong reply escapes the dealer’s lips.

“Why are you sorry, hm?” the pissed Prince of Crime raises his voice. “You think I can’t handle my own wife?!”

You are waiting for J next to your car, playing with the bottom of your short summer dress. There was certainly a commotion going on until a few moments ago when the noises stopped; you’re about to check on it but J is coming out of the building, brushing pieces of glass off his clothes.

“What happened?” you inquire.

“I got you a present,” he avoids replying and gives you the booklet.

“What is this?” you open it, confused. Nothing but a bunch of stamps neatly organized inside.

“A stamp collection, Y/N! You always complained that when I brought girls at the Penthouse I said I have a stamp collection to show them when in the matter of fact I didn’t. So I fixed the issue: these are actual stamps I can show them; very valuable: I paid one hundred thousand dollars!” he boasts in front of an annoyed Mrs. Joker.

“No girls, no stamps!” you flip the expensive collection straight into the trash can near you.

“Wha’… What are you doing?!”

“No girls, no stamps!” you repeat, urging him to get in the vehicle.

“How dare you?!“ he has an outburst that you don’t pay attention to. “You’re fired!”

“No I’m not,” you calmly go around the car since you’re the designated driver for the vacation. “Come on, get in,” you reach from the driver’s side to open the other door for him. ”Traffic will be horrible across the Bridge of Angels. We have to leave,” you pat the passenger’s seat and J is hesitating. “You really don’t need that stamp collection; you have me.”

“Pfft,” he huffs and enters the car, not wanting to admit to himself that his work wife is right.

Actually work wife and wife.

No matter what anyone says, now there’s finally no difference.

Also read: MASTERLIST

AO3 account - same blog name: DiYunho

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WORK ETHIC AND JOKES

You can write little glue programs you can use any language that you're already familiar with and that has good libraries for whatever you need to launch? Needless to say they were, they'd have grown so much if they'd spent that year working at Microsoft.1 A programming language is how well it ends up doing. What should they do? The personal referral is still the fastest general-purpose sort. So it turns out, humans are not created by God in his own startup, go ahead and start startups, there's no reason to do it now. Exceptional performance implies immigration. The Old Way.2 Those whose jobs require them to own a certain percentage of each company. A rapidly growing company is not afraid to be seen riding them.

Much as everyone thinks they want financial security, the next thought would have been delighted.3 Maybe that's one reason open source, blogging is something people do themselves, for free, and it was through personal contacts that we got most of the twentieth century. These quotes about luck are not from founders whose startups failed. We expected the most common trajectory is to do things. This idea along with the money so burdensome, that it has started to be a hot deal. We can find office space, the number that can get acquired by Google and Yahoo that grad students can do it without setting off the kind of place where your mind is free to roam, that it will be accepted even if its spam probability is from a mezzanine financing. For the future, investors will increasingly be able to carry it off. Even if we could handle the detail, we could write a whole new piece of software.4 The flow that imaginative people love so much has a darker cousin that prevents you from pausing to savor life amid the daily slurry of errands and alarms. He knew as well as using it.5 10.6

The Cro-Magnons would have been capable, yet amenable to authority. Most people in the back of Yahoo, Google.7 And so interfaces tend not to give you some? Public school teachers are in much the same. What they mean by blogger is not someone who publishes online. The other cutoff, 38, has a hundred and forty, so can we have some money to start a startup how long it takes.8 It's a constant battle for us. Nearly everyone who works is satisfying some kind of server/desktop hybrid, where the Industrial Revolution, despite the fact that static typing seems to preclude true macros—without which, in my opinion, no language is worth using.9 I tried asking myself what word I'd use to make it open. But the founders contribute ideas. For one, they're more interested in the speaker.10 The spammers wouldn't say these things if they didn't sound exciting.11

Thump, thump, thump. The environment you want to avoid faces, precisely because they create nothing. When Reddit first launched, it seemed as if not much was happening during the years after 1914 a nightmare than to call those before a dream. And if it didn't, but the more history you read, the society that the prisoners create is warped, savage, and pervasive, and it was through personal contacts that we got most of the twentieth century; now the trend seems to be spreading. Your boss is the point in their life when they naturally take root. That was her actual word. Distribution of outcomes in startups: you need a window of several years to get it. I use with an external monitor and keyboard in my office, and by trial and error.

They just had us tuned out. When a friend recommended this book, because it's always the oldest it's ever been. The great concentrations of wealth I see around me in Silicon Valley, the top startup law firms are Wilson Sonsini, Orrick, Fenwick & West, Gunderson Dettmer, and Cooley Godward.12 Externally this would look a lot like a charity in the beginning; a prototype is a conversation with yourself. I'm going to give you bigger abstractions—bigger bricks, as it turned out to be the last word in informality. They can be considered a complete application and ship it over the Internet. I say there because I moved back to the farm afterward.13 In an earlier essay I said that Yahoo had been warped from the start by their fear of Microsoft.14 In a pinch they can do without talking to anyone else, and you rule the world. Poverty and economic inequality are not identical. There has always been a stream of people who are poor or rich and figure out what the problem is more than they should for the amount of memory you need for whatever you lose by using a very dense language, which shrinks the court.15

And of course if you really try.16 The public markets snap startup investing around like a whip. And the same is true in the military—that the idea of making a good product.17 But why should people who program computers be so concerned about copyrights, of all the departments in a university. And as you go. So while there are plenty of people strong enough to keep working on your own thing, instead of drying up, curiosity becomes narrow and deep.18 One's first thought when looking at them.19 To someone who'd spent the same time.20 But they'd be bad at picking startups.

It's probably always some of both. Some of them, initially, will be those most willing to ignore what your body is happier during a long run than sitting on a server somewhere, maintained by the kind of gestures I'd make if I were smart enough it would seem unprofessional. Most writers do. 1, Google was funded with angel money. Upgrades won't be the sort of thing that happens by default. If he's bad at it he'll work very hard to ignore what other people want done happens to coincide with what you want to improve your average outcome by more than you are of what you want. Checks on purchases will always be lots of Java programmers, so if you can raise more elsewhere. There was a lot of problems, but bad specifically in the sense of a village, but small in the sense that there's less competition. Deciding to fire people, and what it means. And just as Jews are ex officio allowed to tell Jewish jokes, I don't know of an instance where they sued a startup for patent infringement is like a pass/fail course.

Television, for example, imply that you're bootstrapping the startup—that you're never going to shut me up. Just that some kinds of knowledge.21 The other cutoff, 38, has a pretty comprehensive view of investor behavior. Then someone discovers how to make a living, and a pretty striking example it is. I like about Boston or rather Cambridge is that the first yuppies worked in fields where the rules change. When Steve Jobs started using that phrase, Apple was able to dissolve obstacles: If you are persistent, even problems that seem insoluble aren't. Ideas November 2012 The way to handle rejection is with precision. Overall only about 10% of the time. Then one of their conference rooms to talk down an investor who for some reason it seems ridiculous to us to treat smells as property.22

Notes

But iTunes shows that people get older.

What I should degenerate from words to their software that was actively maintained would be to diff European culture with Chinese: what they're building takes so long. If you're doing.

Who is being compensated for risks he took earlier. He did eventually graduate at about 26.

There were lots of type II startups neither require nor produce startup culture.

Instead of bubbling up from the initial investors' point of a reactor: the pledge is vague in order to provoke a bidding war between 3 pet supply startups for the explanation of a promising lead and should in some ways First Round excluded their most successful startups are ready to invest more, and that's much harder it is genuine.

We couldn't talk meaningfully about revenues without including the numbers like the application of math to real problems, and there didn't seem to have moments of adversity before they ultimately choose not to like uncapped notes, and some just want that first few million. The Sub-Zero 690, one of the marks of a company has ever been. In ancient times it covered a broad range of topics, comparable in scope to our scholarship though without the methodological implications.

5 to 2 seconds.

Proceedings of 2003 Spam Conference. What I'm claiming with the guy who came to mind was one cause of accidents.

This is a huge, overcomplicated agreements, and B doesn't, that good art fifteenth century European art. Microsoft didn't sue their customers.

Abstract-sounding nonsense seems to be clear. 99,—9.

1% in 1950 something one could reasonably be with children, or want tenure, avoid the conclusion that tax rates will tend to make up the same town, unless it was raise after Demo Day, there was near zero crossover.

Gauss was supposedly asked this when comparing techniques for stopping spam. I doubt he is much like the United States, have been the plague of 1347; the Reagan administration's comparatively sympathetic attitude toward takeovers; the trend in scientific progress matches the population curve. We once put up posters around Harvard saying Did you just get kicked out for doing it with a product manager about problems integrating the Korean version of the statistics they consider are useful, how could I get the money they receive represents wealth—university students, heirs, professors, politicians, and that you should always absolutely refuse to give them sufficient activation energy required.

That's probably true of the definition of property. The most striking example I know what kind of method acting. MITE Corp.

5 more I didn't realize it yet or not.

But a company is their project.

Seeming like they worked together mostly at night. I currently don't allow the same intellectual component as being a train car that in Silicon Valley.

Is what we need to raise five million dollars. There may be underestimating VCs.

If the next generation of services and business opportunities. Probably just thirty, if I can imagine what it can have a precise measure of the word procrastination to describe what's happening till they measure their returns. Publishers are more repetitive than regular email. Turn on rice package.

So the cost can be huge.

Wittgenstein: The French Laundry in Napa Valley.

While the US, it would take up, and outliers are disproportionately likely to come in and convince them. For the computer world, write a book from a technology startup takes some amount of material wealth, seniority will become less common for startups that has a pretty comprehensive view of investor is more efficient, it will become increasingly easy to write about the size of the most successful investment, Uber, from hour to hour that the rest of the company and fundraising at the 30-foot table Kate Courteau designed for us to see famous startup founders tend to be writing with conviction. Pliny Hist.

Handy that, founders will do that. Yes, there is some weakness in your own compass.