#but i get anxious when people dont really react to my things

[des-fangirl]

I need to be told it's ok to draw art of yourself sooo bad-

[b0r3dtod3ath]

requests for happy logan fics you say? 👀

i shall request happy logan, um i dont really have a good idea of anything tho

if u need a more solid idea maybe a younger grid kid reader x logan and um here are some possible prompts

"I don't procrastinate really, it's just that when I do, I prefer to do it last minute, that's all."

"I'm always right because who else will be?"

"I have a confession to make, and it's not going to be easy to hear. You just can't get mad okay?" (cue the confession being of the stupidest thing imaginable)

sorry theyre bad, my brain is literally refusing to function right now. have a nice day!

an: thank you for the request! i went with the third prompt. i hope you don't mind changing it so reader is a driver (it just suited the story better in my head). it's quite short as i haven't been writing for a while.

The rookie trio of 2023 was inseparable. Oscar, you and Logan knew each other since you were kids and joining Formula 1 at the same time made the bond between the three of you even deeper. But what many people didn’t know, you and Logan have been dating since the end of the season. One of the people that didn't know was Oscar.

At first the rush of adrenaline that accompanied hidden glances and stolen moments was exciting but for the long run it became exhausting. You couldn’t shake off the feeling that you were constantly lying to one of your closest friends.

As the clock struck midnight you heard a soft knock on your hotel room door. A shared tradition between you and Logan. Within seconds you opened the door just wide enough to let him slip inside. “I missed you today,” he whispered, his voice barely audible, as if scared to be heard by others in this silent hotel. His hands slid down your back, pulling you closer.

“I missed you too. But we can’t keep sneaking around like this forever, you know.” you ruffled his hair as he looked at you. “I know, We have talked about it. We are not teenagers anymore, but I’m scared of how Oscar will react”. Logan laid on your bed and set an early morning alarm to leave your room unnoticed. “But it’s starting to feel like we’re living two separate lives. I don’t want us to keep hiding who we are from everyone, especially Oscar. We’re not going to lose him, we just have to trust that he’ll understand. That he’ll see how much we care about each other” you responded.

Logan’s arms wrapped around you, pulling you down beside him. He held you close, his chin resting on top of your head as you laid together in the quiet room. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat under your ear was a comforting reminder that you were in this together. “We’ll talk to him before the summer break starts.” Logan murmured after a long silence, his voice filled with determination. Logan kissed the top of your head, his arms tightening around you. “No matter what happens, I love you,” he said softly, his breath warm against your skin. “I love you too,” you replied, scared of your friend’s reaction.

Later that month, the three of you sat at a nice restaurant as a way to close a race weekend. Oscar had been in a good mood all night, cracking jokes and telling stories. You and Logan shared a few anxious glances as you sat at the table, trying to enjoy the lighthearted atmosphere before everything changed.

As Oscar finished recounting a particularly funny story about his engineer Logan squeezed your hand discreetly, offering silent support. "Oscar," you began, your voice steady but your heart racing. "I have a confession to make, and it's not going to be easy to hear. You just can't get mad, okay?". Oscar raised an eyebrow, the smile fading slightly from his face as he sensed the seriousness in your tone. He looked at Logan’s still face, suspicion slowly creeping in. "What’s going on?" he asked, his voice cautious. Logan brushed your hand with his thumb to ease the nerves a bit. "Logan and I... we've been seeing each other, like romantically. For more than half a year now”.

There was a moment of stunned silence as the words hung in the air. Oscar blinked, slightly taken aback. "What? You and Logan?" He leaned back in his chair, processing the information. "And I didn't know?".

"It’s not that we didn’t want to tell you," Logan cut in, his voice calm yet apologetic. "We just… we didn’t want it to change anything between the three of us. We didn’t want to risk our friendship. It is very stupid of us”.

Oscar stared at the two of you, his expression unreadable. You felt a lump form in your throat, fearing the worst. "You two have been together all this time, and I had no idea”. A few moments passed before a small smile tugged at the corner of Oscar's mouth. "I can’t believe you managed to keep it a secret for that long," he said with a hint of admiration. "You know, I thought something was going on a few times, but I just brushed it off. You two did a good job hiding it or I’m just really stupid to not notice two of my best friends dating".

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding. "So… you’re not mad?". Oscar shook his head, his smile growing. "Oh, no, no. Don’t worry. I’m not mad. I’m happy for you both. I mean, it’s a little weird now knowing you are dating, but as long as you’re happy, that’s what matters”. Relief washed over you as Logan grinned "Thanks, man. We were really worried about how you'd react”. Oscar rolled his eyes, but his face projected warmth "I’m not that scary, am I?". 

August 14, 2024

[strwberri-milk]

OMG I LOVE YOUR FICSSS SO MUCH

Here's my request😆

So on TikTok, I have seen so many vids of people(Floridians) doing the craziest and and most hilarious things during Hurricane Milton, like dancing to the Earth Song by Michael Jackson with extremely strong winds going on, or doing the Krusty Krab pizza delivery SpongeBob meme when they're literally getting blown away and singing eye of the Hurricane by Hamilton while is costume in the midst of POURING RAIN🤣🤣

I was wondering how the LaDS boys would react/what they would do if they saw a video on social media of the reader/MC at their home(since it would be too dangerous to go out because there's a LITERAL HURRICANE) were the reader/MC does something similar, like there was a really strong hurricane with strong winds and flooding and the reader/MC goes on something that dangerous but funny then posts it??

uhhhh ngl im not super into crackfic stuff and this is like?? bordering but ive seen those videos and lowkey they are hilarious couldnt be me though extreme weather makes me very anxious

i dont really have much to say for it though but this uhhh

He is not happy to see you risking your life like that. Honestly, if the weather event was that extreme he would be home, with you - except for Zayne. He's at work but he's calling you any chance he gets. Even if it's for a funny video he'd tell you to get back inside and that it's far too dangerous for you to be playing like that. Honestly, it'd be strange if you guys weren't already evacuated, him prioritizing your safety above all else.

[frankiebirds]

re one of ur last posts - what are ur nonbinary elle and spencer hcs?? :))

AH i actually dont have that many so a lot of these literally just came into my head. also i'm very sorry this mostly became "elle helping spencer realise he's nonbinary" headcanons, i'll have to think more about elle :((

this one is not my headcanon. i tried to find whose it is but for the life of me i cannot track it down, so if anyone knows please tell me so i can link them: they share a wardrobe. the only one who remembers which clothes initially belonged to which person is spencer, for obvious reasons. EDIT: got this from this post by @/spritehouse

elle has her shit figured out pre-canon but isn't doing anything about it because it's 2005. spencer does not have his shit figured out until after he gets with elle

well. he has it a little figured out. he knows there's something to figure out, he knows he isn't a cis man, but he's just like. i have way too much going on in my life already to think about that so i will ignore it <3 because that's worked out so well for him

pre-figuring his shit out, spencer is constantly (and largely unintentionally) mixing "menswear" and "womenswear". i really struggle to see a version of spencer where he and diana didn't experience serious financial issues after william left, and even as an adult, high-quality private psychiatric care like diana's is expensive. so, the majority of his clothes are thrifted (yes, i know about the $500 cardigans in later seasons. gifts from rossi <3) and he doesn't really care what section of goodwill he finds them in. so he's constantly wearing, like. a men's shirt under a women's cardigan over men's pants held up with a women's belt. post-figuring his shit out, this becomes intentional and he starts blatantly mixing styles. the kind of thing that gets him stopped in public by someone going "hey you know that's a women's...?" and he goes "yep! :D"

by contrast, elle, while she largely has things figured out, does not present the way she wants to for safety reasons. spencer helps her gradually feel more comfortable presenting the way she wants while she helps him figure out his gender stuff

as for reid's gender stuff, i think for a long time he's really overly fixated on labelling himself. the closest any label comes is bigender but that doesn't feel quite right and he has a lot of unnecessary angst about it. (not projecting at all shut up). eventually he's venting to elle one day about how he feels this and this and this about his gender and if he was to describe it he would describe it like this but he just can't figure it out. and then elle gets genuinely confused because it sounds to her like he very much has figured it out. it takes a long time for him to understand and accept that there isn't a magic word that will describe all parts of him, and he may never find one. and that's fine

elle does spencer's makeup. he looks in the mirror and cries.

penelope is the first person they come out to and she is DELIGHTED to have other trans people on the team. one more and they outnumber the cis people...

morgan is next. spencer says "we're nonbinary" and morgan says "is this like a 'we're pregnant' situation or are you actually talking about both of you" and elle hits him in the head. spencer immediately feels many times less anxious than he did before. i love u morgan

morgan asks spencer in private if he wants him to stop calling him pretty boy. spencer tells him to please never stop. calling him "pretty", an adjective usually used to describe women, paired with "boy" makes him very happy. with this in mind, morgan starts calling elle "handsome girl". elle pretends to be nonchalant about it, but it makes her really happy.

they never tell gideon. spencer can't handle the thought of him reacting badly. (gideon was under the impression that spencer was just closeted this whole time. oops!)

like i said, spencer REALLY likes being described as masculine and feminine in the same breath. when elle first introduces him to her friends, she says "this is spencer, she's my boyfriend" and spencer runs away to stim in private. elle's friends are very confused.

[moonshynecybin]

bc you asked for it: what happens in the same age au when they get to the premier class?

YESSSSS OKAY. so the thing is. in this scenario they are MUCHHH more codependent right out of the gate. truly like you are the only bitch i can relate to and understand and ALSO the only person i can use as a yardstick for how actually good at this sport i am. and my entire life is about discovering how good at this sport i am. like they both think they’re weird fucked up soulmates created in a lab to complement and destroy each other. and they’ve held the other’s hair back after they puked when they were teenagers AND they’ve been inside each other. WEIRD shit sublimating into their egos and sense of selves.

which means ego really changes here! because if they went up against each other in their primes i’m not sure they would be as dominant as they were in real life… if vale didn’t win 9 titles without going to the gym that would change him as a person. and he’s reacting to MARC as his main rival here so he CANT win at those mind-game psychological warfare tactics he used as a little guy because marc is simply matching him in levels of crazy… idk it has interesting implications top to botttom for how these guys fundamentally view themselves and their lives!! i like to think about it!!!

but. basically. i think the main friction in their relationship, ESPECIALLY when they get to the premiere class, is the injury thing. even more so than normal. it’s not just i love you i’m scared that you aren’t taking care of yourself. it’s I DONT KNOW WHO I AM WITHOUT YOU please take care of yourself because i can’t race when i’m WORRIED about you (we see also how marc gets about alex) and racing is the MOST IMPORTANT THING!!! this goes both ways but vale is notably more anxious about it. like this scenario would add vale to the list of people who can make marc stop racing injured (and who are COMFORTABLE asking him to stop) BUT it also makes him a direct competitor to marc. and his oldest friend. and largest enemy. with no added hero worship BUT a big dose of first-love/situationship naïveté for them both. like knowing how they get on track together, how do they even begin to resolve thatttttt… contradictions on contradictions….. so marc doesn’t race injured as often, but maybe learns to protect himself independently even LESS (he doesn’t have to think about it, that’s what vale’s for !) and it reallyyyyy tears into their relationship because vale cannot be the entire scaffolding for marc’s ability to protect himself (he is also i think not protecting himself so well from injury. anything to beat marc, don’t know where or if sic fits here etc)

ANOTHER BIG TENSION. i also think that vale would NOT be one to want to settle down that young, whereas marc would wanna get soulbonded about it… so even while vale in this au has an easier time conceptualizing how important marc is to him, i think he imposes some distance in order to go out and like. process his parents divorcing/remarrying (SIDE NOTE 2: PIC OF MARC WITH BABY LUCA. THANK YOU.), sow his wild oats, hit up the club and be a little slutty etc (SIDE NOTE 3: UCCIO AND MARC BEEF WOULD GO FUCKING CRAZYYYY HERE) and marc is down to tag along for a lot of that stuff but at the same time. they’re teens/young men living in different countries so it’s not like they’ve ever talked about what they are or asked to be exclusive… and it’s not gonna feel great when vale disappears with a girl or marc has some fling with someone back home! and it’s not like they can come out so i actually think the on again off again vibes get TURBOCHARGED. the jealousy and angst is ratchet up to ten… maybe they don’t get sepang level divorced bc ego is different and they’ve known each other longer, but the little stuff digs more… they break up a lot they make up a lot…. they eventually get resolve it after marc’s arm injury i think… puts some stuff into perspective…

[the-new-kiddo-on-the-block]

//Welp, I'm finally making a post about this AU. Wish me luck!// @encanto-extended-edition enjoy!

Daughter of the Seer (Part I)

═════════•°•ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ•°•═════════

Hana Fuyumi Madrigal is born on October 31st, a little over fifteen years prior to the main events in "Encanto".

Her mother, Ayano Kuramoto, was one of the villagers in the Encanto. Her parents were visiting Colombia from the States and stumbled upon the village Alma and Pedro lived in when it was being attacked by soldiers. They began offering the village whatever aid they could in their evacuation, and chose to stay with the group as they got to safety. Ayano was born a couple years after the triplets were born. She was one of the few people outside of the Madrigal family who didn't fear Bruno or his gift of foresight, but instead was in awe with it growing up. She adored Bruno's quiet curiosity and shyness with others, and empathized with him in feeling left out in comparison to others growing up in the village. It was the first time that Bruno had felt genuine love and compassion with someone outside of his family, and the two got married.

A couple years after they married, Hana was born. But, unfortunately for Bruno and Hana, her mother died shortly after giving birth due to a fatal pulmonary embolism. Yikes.

Not long after Ayano passed, her parents, beieving their granddaughter didn't make it either, decided to climb up the steep mountains of the Encanto, and scale to the other side.

They left, without even knowing they had a granddaughter.

Bruno was essentially forced to have to raise a kid on his own, with the help of his sisters, whom were each also on their way to have some more kids of their own; and were luckily happy to help with feeding the little baby girl until they had to change her to --and I shit you not, this was something they did in the thirties and forties cuz they didn't have evaporated milk yet-- condensed milk.

Despite the rocky, tumultuous start to her early life, Hana was overall a very happy baby and toddler. She was very curious and eager to learn about things. She had a slight delay in learning how to speak, but besides that, she was a bright, starry-eyed kid with a knack for adventure. She was really creative, and she loved her cousins and her aunts and uncles and her Abuela and her dad oh-so-much

She is the oldest out of her, Camilo and Mirabel. (Chaos Trio)

However, this also places her smack in the middle of all the grandkids. She is the middle-cousin of the bunch.

She does go through a gift ceremony of her own, which her gift ends up being telekinesis. Quite the wildcard.

on her fifth birthday, Bruno gives her a golden pendant necklace with emeralds inside that are shaped into an hourglass. it was a wedding gift her mom made for Bruno, and now he was giving it to her.

FEEEEEELLLLSSSSSS-

When Mirabel's ceremony fails, however, after Camilo's very successful one, Hana sees how her Abuela and others quickly react to the situation, and it makes five-year old Hana very upset. When she tries to console Mirabel after the fact, she makes a promise to her that she was never going to use her gift again.

"If you don't get a gift, then I not gonna use mine anymore!"

this is so fricking sweet oh my god-

And then-- Bruno is gone.

The absolute whiplash of emotions this gives little Hana when she finds out the next morning-

And yet, she knows her dad all too well. She knows about his hiding spot in the walls. He wouldn't leave so easily. He was easily anxious and had some very neurodivergent tendencies dont deny it, we all know and can tell at this point hes got major anixety issues, OCD, and probably is AuDHD, but he wasn't a coward to go as far as try to climb the mountains out of the Encanto. He was smarter than that.

Still doesn't help that even though she knows he hasnt left, she's still very angry at him for hiding and making all the adults believe that he had taken off.

How angry? Oh, enough to grab him midair with her gift, bring him down to her level, and then punch him in the nose. That mad. It would be the last time she'd use her gift for the next ten years, but there was enough reason to.

She immediately apologized after scolding her dad, though, feeling quite bad about hurting him and made sure to give him one of her Aunt Julieta's arepas to heal his broken nose.

He explains to her as best as he can why he did what he did with leaving- from having the vision of Mirabel to knowing how others would take it getting anything from "bad luck Bruno", and his reasoning to leave in order to protect Hana's cousin from being ostracized to his level. And Hana understood.

And so, for the next decade, Hana would keep secret her father's whereabouts inside of Casita with Dolores, who obviously could hear everything. And in doing so, for not using her own gift, she filled the spot her father left behind..

[madame-fear]

long rant about some feelings i had lately because i need to say it somewhere. i should post it on my sideblog but honestly i lack the will to sign out from this and log into the other account. Feel free to ignore.

Quite honestly seeing all the endearing messages you guys send me truly encourages me to keep me going, and in a way, it comforts me. But these days for some reason I’ve had some recurring grim feelings that burden me, and make me feel empty.

I have a loving family I adore, sweet mutuals and friends i also appreciate with all my life, and i’m studying a career i always wanted to study – but i feel disappointed with myself. I feel like I have no clue where to go in life, like I cant rrally achieve anything too important. I feel useless, and weak.

Everyone in my real life remarks how shy and quiet i often am, and my parents say that im a sensible soul but even if they say it in a good way i feel stupid and fragile. I feel like everyone can run past over me because they know im not capable of saying anything against it. I feel worthless, and like i constantly need to be guided to do even the slightest thing. I panic at the most minor of inconveniences because i have no idea how to react and i overly stress, and needless to say the tremors i have worsen and it just makes me feel like shit.

I never find the right time to say what i feel, nor the right situation. And even if i do and express myself in any dumb way i can find at that moment, i just get called an attention seeker and they blame me as a victim that always has everything served and is spoiled, and even if im grateful for all the things i have in my life, i just keep feeling like a heavy weight on the people surrounding me. I feel like nothing i ever do is right, i never know what to say, i feel stupid. Sincerely.

I dont care what anyone says about me, especially if its someone i dont know. But i know some friends and people in real life that made fun of me when talking about my interests, how fragile i seem at everything and reserved i am, i even heard some classmates snickering behind of me when i was explaining specifically what i studied and im tired of not having the will to stand up. I truly despise myself to the point i can barely find the right words, if there is any.

Everyday i feel like im dragging myself through life and i would muh rather keep sleeping and stay in my dreams than have to keep being understanding at stupid people, and the disrespect. Im always embarrassed of expressing how i feel but its even more heavy to carry all my self-worth issues without being able to freely talk about it. You guys have no idea how many fucking times i had the impulse of jumping in front of a car, throwing myself out of the balcony, hanging myself and end myself because i cant STAND not knowing how to guide my life, where to go, and feeling insecure and i dont say this to be dramatic. i cant do anything by myself.

If it werent because even if i sometimes fight with them i know i have a family that cares for me and sweet friends, i wouldnt be here in some time. I feel like an attention whore and a victim but i hate having to keep it all for myself and know no one will do anything, or think im satisfied with how i am. My parents tell me i should be proud of who i am and all the things i earned by myself, but truth is, i wish i werent so fucking useless. I can never remember anything properly, and im too anxious most of the time. I despise myself and i really hope this feeling washes away soon, because i cant tolerate not managing to do anything because i would much rather lay in bed and do nothing due to my own insecurities.

[fishshapedbun]

about Romantic Killer (BIG SPOILERS)

ok i just finished watching Romantic Killer and it's so good wtf????????? the plot developed so much better than i was expecting at first?????? Anzu is such a good character and such a good friend????? so i need to ramble about it bare with me for a moment

the show is hilarious and i love how exaggerated the funny expressions are, but it also has some rly serious part damn im legit impressed (Anzu and Kazuki's first hug kinda got me tearing up ngl)

each of the characters is slowly developed so well. like damn. Kazuki's story is specially detailed and it caught me by surprise when they showed the flashbacks of the first episodes after we found out why he became so distant and conscious of people and everything made so much sense. and he felt so realistic in the way he reacted, his struggle to open up and every single time he started feeling anxious and panicking in public was so well done (and i wanted to take him away from the crowd and pat his head every time ugh T_T). i was just slightly dissapointed that right on the last episode he admited that he started crushing on Anzu bc after the entire season of them just being an amazing duo of friends i was so hopeful we would finally get a 'love interest' turned only best friend (bc lets admit its not like she doesnt already have enough ppl interested in her without Kazuki being one of them too). bc i was enjoying headcanoning him as aroace as i was watching :') oh well. maybe if it ends up not having a s2 i can pretend he realized he wasnt in love and he just loves her platonically a lot! if they dont give me the aroace boy i will rip it from their cold dead hands! :D

and i loved the plot twist on how Junta was actually her true childhood friend all along and she took so long to realize... his feelings were totally real awwwww and he is really a sweetheart, i like the childhood friend trope! buuuut i gotta admit im just living for the huge crush Makoto clearly has on Junta. boyo isn't hiding it very well. that scene when Makoto holds Saki's hand and takes her away from the triggering situation? that was gay x lesbian solidarity right there !

and Saki OH MY GOD SAKI. the episode focused on showing how the two of them became friends and how important Anzu is to her and the way she has always defended her and what Saki went through oh god... her story was so realistic and seeing her reaction seeing that stupid ass ex was such a realistic depiction of a kind of trauma like that. she's such a good character im so happy they developed her so well and didnt make her just an irrelevant school friend character!!! (also she's a lesbian i am not taking criticism- /hj)

i need to mention how Anzu is absolutely bisexual btw. her reaction to meeting Kazuki's sister? she literally straight up said "i'll fall for her" c'mon

and Riri!!! omg!!!! little genderfluid chaos gremlin!!!!!!!! i was so so happy that not only Anzu girbossed her way to getting them out of their punishment but she got them to permanently live on the human world AND officially made them one of the love interests??? ULTIMATE GIRLBOSS MOVE Anzu i love you so much dear. so ngl i lowkey would like seeing Anzu end up with Riri/Rio the most ksjefhskdjf badass girl x genderfluid gremlin??? so much potential cmon they literally were punished for breaking magic rules bc they care too much about Anzu that's so fucking cute skjfhsdf

and Hijiri!!!!! from a little annoying rich bastard to a little just slightly annoying tsundere rich baby!!! i really like that he's interested in her and all but ultimately he's just there working and helping her out a lot like he becomes genuinely a great friend??

so yeah. as one can tell from the immense number of written words here i have liked this anime quite a lot. binged it in a day, all at once, no regrets. i'll be happy if there's a 2nd season if it is as good as this 1st one, bc this was amazing! so glad i decided to give it a chance <3 there's even more things i could talk about here but i dont wanna write a novel chapter of a post so i'll stop here LMAO

but really, if you're into comedy, romance and some nice character development, you won't regret giving Romantic Killer a chance :)

[oh-munda-kukkad-kamaal-da]

Hey*not here to hate you* .. okay, agreed its a joke and now calm down. Here, have a hug. I like Taylor's music and she is a good person I guess... And it made me so happy when i saw that you send in flowers/good morning messages/asks to your cute lil moots. It was your "funny" opinion and i guess you are one of those okay to being rude and veryy straight-forward.. and btw your music taste isn't even bad, i like a few of the songs you have under Spotify tag. You are cute. Stay hydrated, Vighnesh.*hugs you again AJSKAJAKAJAK*💙

Idc anon. I'll say again, bigger. I've done the best i can to make people happy for the past months. I've had sleepless nights coz someone wanted to rant. I've skipped studying for boards coz someone was anxious and talking about hurting themselves. I wake up every morning and the first thing i check is if it isnt 12 already, go to pinterest download a flower picture and send it to 20 people. For what? It doesn't even give me anything. I just wanted to make people happy with the little love i have coz i never feel loved. No one's there for me when i cry. No one's there for me when i stare at the knife thinking to cut my veins. I just wanted to be that person to others. Ik how it feels when you have no one. Ik how it feels to love an artist. I've spent 2 literal years locked in my home, with people who fed me hate all day, and i had no irl or offline friends. Do yk how that feels? Do yk how it feels to talk to someone after 2 years? Its so weird. I spent 2 years just listening to K391. And you think idk what it is to love an artist. I remember the day when i first listened to K391. It was something in August 2019, i had planned that day to die. I was waiting for my mom to sleep so that i can silently go in the next room and hang myself. That's when i listened to K391. He gave me a dream, he gave me a new life. I promised myself that i would never harm myself and be like him someday. Idk how much you love TS, but my love for K391 will always be more than that. He's the reason I'm breathing, he's the reason I'm alive. Everyday i want to die, and everyday he reminds me that i promised to be like him. But idc if someone talks shit about him. Why does it even matter? K391 for you isnt what he is for me. I dont hate TS, and i dont think she's ugly. I find her really cute tbh. But sorry I'm immature. I didn't know people can get so offended if i say something like that. Coz tbh, people expect others to react how they themselves would have reacted. And i never would have been offended over someone calling K391 ugly, or shit. I probably would have added a lol in that post and scrolled ahead. But I'm sorry, i expected too much of people. You literally judged my character, my personality. You judged everything I've ever done for my so-called friends. You judged me that i would hate my friends coz they're ugly. I mean ofc. For my entire fucking life I've tried to find people who care about me, but i would hate them only because they're ugly. I feel betrayed. Ik I'm wrong. But what's worse is, that everyone made me feel like a pariah, an outcast. This is the only place i called home, and it is a ruin for me now. Because I tried giving every amount of love for people, but they judge me coz i called their favourite artist ugly👍

[chaoxfix]

🕯️🪄🌻 for the meme!

ty for the ask!! <3

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

ahh... hmm. i like putting out the energy i want back. if i read something i try to comment, and if i dont like something or am not interested in the concept, i just dont react because it's so much worse to upset someone over something they worked hard on.

i really don't think kudos are a very good expression of appreciation, as it has almost no room for real connection. fics are free, you know? when something is free but gives you joy, you should probably meet it with love, and love in a way that really shows why you like it. thats why i think comments are much better. i get why it can cause anxiety, but there's really no wrong way to comment unless youre 1) being an honest to god jerk, 2) pointing out something you dislike / something that you think the author was "incorrect" about (especially if the commenter is the one whos wrong lmao. either way i really dont think free fanfiction is like. lol. the place to do public criticism. just saying.)

im a rather anxious person irl, so im not really sure exactly what every single other anxious person's obstacles are or how to bridge them. because of that, i won't try to give universal advice since it's something i cant be an expert on if my experience is so different.

but i will say, for myself -- i mitigate my anxiety by practicing gratitude. i weaponize my people-pleasing for good by trying to be someone who makes other people feel genuinely good. and there's nothing better than feeling appreciated and praised for things that have value. and that kind of thing usually comes back around.

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

ahh... hmmm...

if it's late at night (after midnight) when i post it, i go to sleep so i wont stay up refreshing the page to see what people say, or worse stay up editing all the typos that "suddenly appear" in ao3 formatting lol. that way even if no one reads it overnight or there are errors, it's okay because at least i can face the day with some sleep.

if it's not late at night when i post it, i try to go for a walk to again avoid constantly refreshing the page for feedback or immediately editing it. bc its not super healthy to spend even more time on it after whats probably been hours and hours, and i dont want my entire day fixated on something i should be done with.

i dont really celebrate much though, probably because i just kind of expect myself to make things of a quality i can stand behind. i didnt really grow up getting praised despite being an overachiever bc it made others around me feel bad when i got a lot . . . so i. have to really try and make something worthy of praise to feel like i deserve it. idk. haha. so anyways overall i try to lean more and more into 'i dont need validation' because id hate to put all my eggs in that basket -- not just because i dont want to be motivated by others' praise, but also because, i dont want to stop writing for the opposite reason, if someday i no longer feel like the quality of work i produced actually deserved the amount of feedback it got.

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

low motivation for long stretches, and losing interest in the things others like best, make me want to stop writing. both with fandom and original. low motivation usually coincides with depressive stints for me, and it makes me feel awful. like i cant do the one thing i like best, because i just can't motivate myself. when i finally manage it, it's crap for the first thousand words, then it gets better.

for me though, what makes me keep going is getting others to see my vision. getting them to feel what i aim to make them feel; crafting stories that, maybe theyre not perfect, but the emotions they generate are enough. it really is hard without an audience. even though i'm not motivated as much by getting a ton of validation, i do need at least a little lol, even just someone to say "yes. i see you. i understand what you needed me to feel from this, and i felt it." which is why i have original writing friends as well, for original stuff.

buuut also, i also keep going because i like being able to jot down what im thinking/imagining so that i can revisit it later and go back to that feeling, that moment in time where i was absolutely positive of that scene

thank you again for asking!! ^^

[caseythebunnyboy]

Howdy! As always I am incredibly pleased to hear from you again. It is the highlight of my morning. I imagine this is what it was like not too long ago. anxiously awaiting a letter from your loved one.

Your description of yourself (and the couple photos you've posted of yourself) I must say is incredibly helpful to aid in my impure thoughts. I've only been attracted to maybe 3 men in my life but I truly believe you are at the top of that list. I have a type of course and you just fit right in it.

I loved hearing about how soft your skin is and how frail you are. Gets me quite aroused. You can ask me anything by the way. Don't worry about if it'll make me uncomfortable or upset. everything about me is an open book! The answer to your question by the way is

Yes ❤️ I've came to the thought of you several times. I mostly jerk off when I'm in the shower (it has the most privacy as I grunt and moan quite loud) Sometimes It's fantasies of you. Other times I look at the photos you've posted. It really gets me worked up. I've probably never ravaged my sex-toy more than when I'm thinking of you. Sometimes I think about just kissing you. All over. Kissing your soft lips. Working my way down your chest to those wonderful thighs. Then of course I can't be stopped from eating out and enjoying that wonderful bunny cunt that lays in front of me. I too imagine the contrast of your soft skin and my rough hands. Maybe you'd like it if I stood behind you, towering over you. My chest firmly pressed into your back as I run my hands up and down your soft skin. I'll leave this here but as always I am anxious to hear from you again. Fare thee as well as I fare, 

your zealous admirer - 🚂 (I'm a big train guy I am nerdy about trains they're cool as hell) (PS. The puss in boots wolf is hot. I'm a top and I totally get wanting to get just ruined by him)

hello again, dear cowboy anon! 💜💜 im very glad i can make you so happy hehe, i kind of wish you would just dm me so we can consistently talk and get to know each other without you having to wait for a response everyday, but i understand anonimity is a very big thing people treasure so i wont force you to! though, if youd ever want to dm me, all im saying is that id welcome you with open legs arms 💜

(rest of my response under the cut so i dont clog peoples dashboards!)

very happy that my information is helpful to your fantasies! id love to hear more of them you know? how youd ruin me, how you would react if i ever bought a cute bunny outfit for you, what youd do if you ever caught me touching myself to you... hehe, so many things id love to know about you 😊

also!! im relieved you indirectly clarified youve been attracted to other men, even though its not that many! i needed that reassurance because ive had uh... not the best experiences with another man from the south, and ever since then ive been scared of straight men being attracted to me that actually saw me as a girl, but would just lie about being queer to my face just so i wont block them 😓 im glad youre not one of them! my underlying fear has been solved and i can now fully flirt with you without being paranoid 💜

the fact that i fit your type is a very big compliment, and just so you know, youre my type too hehe 😊 big strong man with an accent thats kinky but really sweet? hehehehe... if i ever meet you we'd both be going until we were exhausted 💜 and youve cum to me more than once? that actually makes me really needy knowing you like me and my body so much that youve fantasized about me multiple times 😵‍💫

hmph i wish i was in that shower with you, listening to your groans and moans 🥺 maybe im also a little jealous of that sex toy, im the one youre supposed to ravage, not that!!! my holes are all open and available for you to use to your hearts content but since im not near your home you have to resort to using a toy instead of me, so unfair 🥺🥺 by the way if you ever mention eating my boy cunt out again ill cum right on the spot- and last minute note, i would love if you towered over me, groping and grabbing my soft bunny parts while whispering all the dirty things youd to do me in my ear hehe 💜

noted, my dear cowboy anon is a train enthusiast! thank you for that little bit of information, and i very much hope to hearing from you again! youre so nice and interesting, anon 😊 im very excited for us to talk again 💜💜

(p.s thank you for understanding my monsterfucker tendencies, the death wolf is making me severely horny and its very easy to see why once you watch the movie!)

[mmikrowave]

I'm maybe ranting a bit but i need to talk to the void. i HATE hate hate having chronic illness that isnt visible to others sometimes.

of course im glad i can move freely and am relatively fine most of the way but all i can do is tell the person im out with that i feel unwell and that im "nauseous" even though its not exactly that, but its the closest I'll get to then understanding i am feeling bad rn.

the thing is for most people that is a passing state and they'll just rest and be fine or vomit and feel better but my body is stuck in it once i got it until i sleep it off weirdly but my whole day is just DONE for then and its so annoying bc suddenly everything is overstimulating and exhausting and interacting and reacting to people gets so much harder and thw distance from me to my home gets unbearable to me in a matter of a few minutes and i cant predict when it comes.

So I'll just kinda try to deal with it but but its so frustrating because i never know what kinds of events I'll be able to come to or how long ill be able to stay. i dont wanna be excluded and not asked to come anymore or be the party pooper who drags their friends out earlier then planned or be boring and unpleasant to be around once my nausea hits.

but its genuinely so exhausting being in your early 20s and not only be exhausted bc of that and also be anxious thr whole time about my tinitus getting worse when im trying to listen to music with people or spend the evening at a karaoke bar bc i didnt wanna club because i wouldn't be able to sit and calm down if my nausea flares up really badly.

all i can easily agree too is in a 10 minute radius from my home and that gets so old and repetitive so quickly...

especially when all the doctors I've seen about this just told me to take different things that never helped really and also didnt understand what exactly i was trying to discribe to them bc the symptoms and triggers are so fucking random and variable...

often i drink alcohol and itll trigger it but ive been literally fine, no notes, often enough as well when i was out to drink.

idk man idk im just so tired bc the only cure for it is to literally just lay on my back and pause my life for hours until i feel better...

[hinoko-takami]

Hello. I am coming here to just scream into a void. I dont want to burden our friends with this but the words need to get out of my head.

Things have been extremely hard on us recently. To keep things short, we lost a lot of people we thought good friends, and our stress levels have been super high ever sence. We made some new friends but they have their own dramas we are trying to stay out of.

I, Death, have been frontstuck for a few days now and its begining to take a toll on me. I understand why nobody wants to be front for long now. We were switching a lot more before I got stuck. We're worried that the stress of these events are going to cause us to have a new host, or for our host to split. We really dont want that, mostly for our non-system friends.

We can deal with it, we have before im sure, but the pain it could cause our friends, who dont fully understand, would be too intense. We risk loosing them too. Not out of being upset, but out of not having that same bond.

We try to make a bond with them whenever someone else is front, but i worry its not enough. I'm very afraid of that. What would we do if we lost them? I dont even know.

We dont want a new host. We dont want to split, we dont want people to go dormant. We just want to feel better.

Our friend, ill call them 1, was talking to me, and out of nowhere they said they missed our host. I felt dread. I didnt know how to react, knowing that theres a possibility that they could never see him again. It would hurt them too much. I dont want them to hurt.

Its simalar with our other friend, 2. She seems distant from us whenever its not our host fronting. I understand, but it hurts... we care for her too. Most of us have a good memory of our friends, so to feel like we're being distanced hurts, especially after everything that just happened.

As I mentioned prior, ive been frontstuck for a while. I think today is day 4. Imnnit holding up as well as i thought i would. Im usually a very happy person, but stress finally caught up to me last night. I had been able to distract myself from how much i missed my family in the inner world, as i found myself enamored with another person from another system. They had to switch out and i feel as though i did something wrong, despite knowing i havent. When another person fronted, he and i talked, the way he spoke about my friend hurt to hear, but i didn't fight anything. He was the one who made me feel i was doing something wrong, despite again. Doing nothing wrong. It wasn't intentional on his part and inhold no ill will against him, i would actually like to know him better, but still. My friend is curently on what is esentially time out from fronting for a little while, for what i feel to be a ridiculous reason. Regardless, its not my choice to make.

It doesn't help that i have a hard time with social interactions. We are autistic, and some people have it worse than others. I personally struggle heavily with social cues, tone indicaton, intense emotions, and i have an awful time articulating my emotions, even to myself. We also have severe social anxiety, which just makes it worse. I want to get to know people better, i want to be social, i just struggle a lot with it.

I lost rhe point of this, then again, was rhere wver really a point? The point is that im stressed and anxious and depressed. The point is i dont want to be front anymore. The point is that i want my family.

Thank you if you've read this far, for whatever reason. I wish you a good day.

-Death

[lqnar]

Mayhaps it is the autism

But

i dont rly ask ppl questions unless i am genuinely wondering or actively remember i should do that for the conversation.

i barely tke pictures of myself or other people like i don’t tell ppl to pose so i’ll have a photo for later? i do photograph children and pets and sometimes food or pretty things. i wish i photographed my friends more but idk it doesnt rly work in my head????????

i don’t watch tv shows or movies or read books w proper storylines because i don’t care/i don’t have the capacity to take it in/i don’t want to get to know new ”people” aka characters, i find it overwhelming to understand plots and relationships and things.

I don’t understand a lot of humor and my way of making jokes is often observational but idk what other people find funny at all. I just say things that sound ridiculous or silly and if ppl react positively then it’s a joke i guess.

I don’t care about celebrities and their relationships or lives. I know a few of them but i don’t???? Care??? And this applies to all famous ppl, it’s not a ”lol i hate pop culture im so special” thing because i barely know respectable people either. I don’t know abt important historical, political, art related, human rights related, or watevr people. I know a few obviously but i don’t learn about them intentionally??? And it’s kind of embarrassing because while it’s cool to be like ”lol kim kardashian whomst” it is NOT cool to know nothing abt current politicians, classical arts ppl or esteemed authors.

if i have nothing to say i will say nothing. I don’t want to say things just for the sake of talking? I don’t go around guessing or saying anecdotes or making small talk or whatever just to take up space in a conversation or meeting.

I don’t understand loving things that arent my special interest. My special interests have mostly been video games so idk but like i can’t imagine loving a tv show? Even though my special interest was a book series when i was 12????? I just go ”how can u care this much” abt it which makes no sense

I don’t understand or care about peer pressure (to some extent, like w substances or following trends or going out or whatevr). Like i don’t really notice it. I would rather just not do things so when ppl are like ”lol everyone should do this!!!!!!” Im like No Thank U. I don’t care about things like ”everyone drinks alcohol so i should do it as well”. Not knowing and trying to figure out what i am supposed to do creates anxiety, i usually avoid such situations if possible. I need to follow my script.

Same thing w identity, social roles and norms. Wtf is a girl. I don’t know how to be a girl and i don’t want to be one. I don’t know how to be a boy and i don’t want to be one. Same w women/men. Same with other identities like religion or sexuality. wtf.

I desperately do not want to be astereotype but idk if thats a need to be special or if it’s autistic dread of following social rules by accident. Like if i put myself in a box i have to stay in that box, and then i have to follow the rules of that box. That makes me so anxious

Idk i cant think of more but it’s just kinda quirky perhabs.

[kusundei]

goddd oh my god chat im just so. UGH. goodness. seeing his messages as soon as i woke up just made me so. IN LOVE. i fall in love with you more each day im being so genuine every once in a while i just. tweak about you randomly. like FALLING TO MY KNEES KIND OF TWEAK. i do feel a little empty rn because im remembering the play is over and i wontbe able to see you like this and im always doomed at home but god… GODDD. its okay. i just. love you. so. MUCH. yesterday was sooo nice. i feelsorta bad especially at the frozen yogurt place just cuz i went a bit nonverbal but more of thag just comes down to me beint more introverted around people idk very well and also cuz i didnt know what to say. aside drom that i was also jhst like ., dead tired. and i couldnt really get myself to really PRETEND to be full of energy . ijst wanted to lay my head on your shoulder. hold your hand. just exist. with you. i feel so like bittersweet right now but im trying to focus on positives so i dont freak out too much. its sunday.. and surprisingly i want it to be monday so i can see you .

i justtt. GODDD. yoy are so cute and goddd i loved thag lipstick sorry. like. that gave me a real excuse to just kiss you everywhere and i knew it was the right time (obviously. but im still cautious often.) its just sooo. . i LOVEEE YOUUUU. your face. you r so gorgeous to me. every inch of you i loveeee i donttCAREEANTNOREEEE. i kept tweaking a little during every show mostly cuz i kept passing byspmeone who. smells exactly like jd. and im realizing w that snell and how i felt smelling it again jdut how in love i am with you. like i said smell is like some weird cognitive thing i have where i can tell how i feel ab someone depending on how i react. smelling jds smell again felt so. disgusting. it invoked that fear in me again. that anxiety i always felt around her knowing she was lying and how i was always jjst worried all the time and she was just. not there. the fear i felt knowing i had to provide everything or else she’d be evil. or something. just that anxiety i felt ALWAYS. i realize it too smelling ayden. his smell makes me sick. sav stole his fucking perfume thjnf and she sprays it on herself sometimes and it makes me so. disgusted. his smell is disgusting to me. jds smell is disgusting to me. but then im sitting here with this hoodje again smelling it and i jusr . idk. i feel better. its like laced with memories everytime i smell it i just remember you. how lovely you r and it just makes me feel so. happy.

alonf wirh that just the things i do with you. the things you do with me its just . you make me feel better. truth be told i dont like when people touch my back pr my waist gery much because of just . feneral association and i never told jd that her doing it too made me ill. it didnt for a WHILE but after everything that happened with the note i felt so. disgustinf all the time with her. you. you however. you r replacing those horrible memories i have with her. that thing you do wirh your thumb when you hold my hand. thats something id do. something jd would do to indicate to each other when we werent feeling good because she struggled to communicate it wirh me and i felt like a burden doing so. id always get to anxious when she’d do it and feeling you do it i got nervous again but . no its so. comforting. like how its supposed to be. when you ask me if im okay. its so. ? so bare minimum and so sinple but i cant explain how much better it makes me feel even if im not eebn tweakint. and ive never TRULY been tweaking when u ask it just makes me feel like. i can be honest with you. you wont lash me for hurting. for feeling things like jd did. you wouldnt condemn me and make me feel like i was burdening you for just. existing. with you. and i jsut want to exist with you. i want to be with you even if you are hurting because thats still you and i want to believe wholeheartedly you’d do the same with me because thats how i feel. i feel like j can and god. i hope thats true.

i just feel so much better around you. genuinely. i feel like i dont have to pretend to be someone else . pretend to be happy pretend to be okay. have to force myself to talk pr force myself to do anything around you. i know i tweak ab holding ur hand and kissing you but thats more of me just being cautious and also that it makes me so nervous., but. a good kind of nervous. i always feel nervous around you. its that weird anticipation feeling but its never anything negative. havinf been by myself this past year and being with you (not actually but goddd. i wish.) now makes me realize jist how genuinely unhappy i was with jd. how much i hurt with her. but also just how much we were truly hurting each other even if she didnt mean it and i didnt mean to either . just. i spent so much time thinking about it and let alone just the fact i didnt have panic attacks antmore aftee we broke up make it so so. clear to me. and now with you im realizinf maybe im not. broken. maybe ive just lived with so much fear for so so long .? every relationship ive ever had has left me. hurting more than i was before. broke me a little more everytime. but ive always given it my all. and this time? i want to give you more than just my all. jts so weird. you just make me realize that how i feel with you is how i shouldve felt all along. to feel whole with you and nothing else. to just be and not feel burdening. you emphasize it so heavily to me and i just wish wish WISH. i could do it for you. hell even now when it comes to my hashtag best (toxic) empath ways you make me realize i dont have to be that way. hell, every single one of my relationships enabled that in me. you tell me i dont have to worry about you. make it cleae to me its not my problem and it comforta me a bit and of course, its nlt gonna completely go away but it makes me feel less. overwhelmed. with everyone else i had to take care of them. it was my obligation. they needed me to. with you i just. truly want to but im leveling myself out to a plane where i know i can handle it and also take care of myself. you make me want to take care of myself .

god forbid i start rambling ab something else but. back to that froyo place.? i truly was still not hungry and was feeling a little ill but i kind of knew cognitively that it was me not eating and making me feel a little more ill. its just with jd she sort of. enabled me. not really enabling but i felt so. judged with her.? especially in terms of eating because she’d bring up her ed all the time and of course, console in me, but it made me feel. so gross. ab eating. felt like i cpuldnt cuz she couldnt and it was that weird competitive feelinf id get again. with you im noticing im doing it slightly but thats also mainly out of my control and i worry ab you not eating but ik you cant exactly control it either. in a wonderful silly less cringy universe id ask you to eat with me. so i wouldnt feel fhat way and i coulf feel a little more comforted but of course thats evil on both of us. when it comes down to me its just like ., of course im not rly trying to restrict i just. find myself doing it. and as horrible as it sounds i might just always be that way but those times i do eat with you i dont feel? ashamed? i feel like i can eat without feeling disgustinf and judged and evil and god i want to eaat. seriously. im just still working on it. and you make me feel better ab it. even if we havent done alot in regards to eating like that i just notice how i feel ab it and irs nothing negative and that. means sososo much to me.

[ravio-rants]

11, 12, and 14 for the OC asks!

-11. Is there a specific physical feature or item that holds special significance to your character? Why is it important to them?

For my twili group: they have a special tree! its a secluded spot where the 4 of them hang out a lot. its in the middle of a field, out of the way of major roads and towns. they found it one day while just wandering around, and decided that it was Their Tree. if one of them isnt around their usual spots, they are probably relaxing at the tree. I'll probably draw it sometime!

adding a hobic option as well because its funny, his staff is probably a very significant item for him. i think he wouldve gotten it when he became a full fledged wizard, which was also around the time he transitioned and came out as gay, meaning its the first magical item he earned, and he earned it as his true self. thats significant to him, even if most other wizards dont get it.

-12. How does your character react to change or unexpected situations? Are they adaptable or resistant?

raide is probably pretty adaptable! shes a very "fuck it, we ball" type guy. whatever happens, he'll probably be fine with it, as long as nobody is hurt by it. they would probably just shrug the change off and continue on with their day.

calen on the other hand.. he would be more resistant. dont get me wrong, he's willing to accept change, eventually, but its Scary! he gets anxious about it! he wont admit that though, at least not to anyone other than raide. unexpected situations are generally Not Welcome when it comes to this boyo. he Will panic about it. (unless its one of his friends asking for help with something. he would give the world for them, even to his detriment.)

kalt.. hm. i feel like he'd be slightly anxious aboutt change and unexpected situations, but he trusts the people around them so they'd accept it. itll probably be okay, right?

vang would probably be very calm and collected about all of it. change? alright, give her a day to plan things around it and everythings fine. she can figure it out. unexpected situations? she can probably work out what to do about it, if you give her a moment. (she's most of the reason kalt is fine woth change.) shes very reliable when it comes to most things.

hobic would rather live in a house that actively hates who he is on a fundamental level than face change or unexpected situations. this is a very literal example. his house hates him, but he's lived there so long that he would rather just Not leave actually. at least the house is predictable about it, you know?

-14. What is your character's preferred method of self-expression? Do they have any artistic talents or creative outlets?

raide loves so many forms of art! if you took a peek into his house, you would find art supplies of every type all over. sewing and instrument playing and drawing and painting and crocheting and embroidery and sculpting and- (his fav is just regular old drawing though.)

calen prefers to play music or write stories! both are very calming and in the moment things, and he can just get absolutely lost in them. his preffered method of self expression is probably his music specifically. he loves how music can explain things without the need for words at all.

kalt likes painting! hes not very good at it, but they dont care. they'll paint whatever the hell they want and if someone doesnt like it? thats their problem, not his. (its usually landscapes.)

vang likes to sing, she loves all sorts of music, but if it has lyrics? you bet she's going to be humming or singing it around the castle randomly. she does write her own lyrics sometimes, and then asks calen or raide to help her add a tune to it. (or vice versa, where one of them makes a song and then asks vang for some good lyrics for it!)

do spells count as a form of art? because if so, thats hobics choice. he also writes but he really just likes casting spells. or coming up with new spells. or fucking up spells-