#but i felt like being extra today
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fairly certain it's real? and fighting game combos have never really been like what you've said?
In standard combo notation, numbers are used to denote control stick positions (because old arcade fighting games don't have analog control sticks, they're switch-based, meaning they only read semi-cardinal directions), and are based off of a keyboard's number pad: 2 is down, 6 is forward, 4 is back, 3 is both down and forward, etc.
Also button inputs are kind of on a per-game basis, usually going off of whatever official documentation the game has; Guilty Gear has [P]unch, [K]ick, [S]lash, and [H]eavy Slash, as well as [D]ust. Anything that involves putting a number next to a button involves pressing that button while the control stick is in that position (think Smash tilts; 6P is just "forward tilt Punch").
However, special attacks are done with "motions", which is a sequence of control stick positions, otherwise annotated by the motion: quarter-circle back (214), half-circle forward (41236), etc. so 41236S is Zato's Shadow Gallery attack (I think???)
I can't actually tell you what -H- or -D- means off the top of my head since GG isn't my realm (more Street Fighter and Under Night) though I could guess it's a hold-input? (usually in UNI we'd annotate it 5[H] )
There's additional denotations for different versions of an attack that's usually a lowercase letter and a period; j.5H would mean "jumping" neutral Heavy, c.2P would be "close" crouching Punch (sometimes attacks are different depending on how close you are to the opponent), etc.
The IAD part is annotating an Instant Air Dash, a motion used in Guilty Gear to very easily perform an "air dash" while also performing another motion or attack at the same time. FRC is probably referring to a type of cancel, probably Roman Cancel, but again I've never gotten into the GG scene all that much.
inb4 you yell nerd at me YEAH I AM ONE CRY ABOUT IT
i play exclusively zato in every guilty gear game but like dont ask me combo shit. i dont know what most zato players are even doing there.
what is this. you are making shit up thisis not real.
#normally i'd put that last bit in the tags#but i felt like being extra today#fighting games#burnt bread#cat infodumping#man i need to play fgs again#someone pls gift me the new uni game or the new gbvs game pls ;w;
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trying to erase the trace of...
#GIVE ME TOUCH STARVED YEARNING BUT WITHOUT TOUCH#dia try to coherently explain your thoughts challenge go#Listen#theres something extra Oomph about characters being touch starved BUT FROM A DISTANCE okay#i read a fic called 'with kid gloves' where yor forgot her gloves and loid HAD IT IN HIS POCKET and he TWINED HIS FINGERS THROUGH#AND HE FELT THE WARMTH FROM THE GLOVES AND THE ROUNDEDNESS IN THE FINGERS THAT HER HANDS LEFT#AND HE CARESSED IT WITH HIS HANDS#OKAY#TODAY I READ A WEBTOON WHERE THE GUY WAS SAT AT A DISTANCE AND THE GIRL WAS SLEEPING AND HE LIFTED HIS HAND#AND HE DIDNT TOUCH HER BUT TRACED THE OUTLINE OF HER CHEEK IN THE AIR#OK#DO YOU GET IT#LIKE KAZ BREKKER AND INEJ OK#( me always going back to soc and kanej)#HE THOUGHT OF RUBBING HIS THUMB OVER THE PLAITS OF HER BRAID AND WONDERED WHAT IT WOULD FEEL LIKE#GIVE ME THINGS LIKE THESE TOUCHLESS YEARNING TOUCH-STARVED FROM A DISTANCE#spy x family#twiyor#loid forger#yor forger#my art#sxf#loidyor#loiyor
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its so hard to talk about how traumatic it is to watch somebody be claimed by dementia without going "well i cant complain because at least i wasnt the one losing my mind (for now)" but that shit fucks you up so much. that ghost is going to haunt me for the rest of my life and all i can do is hope it Stays a ghost
#tiddytaco#b#thinking about it rn bc today while i was driving my mom home from pt#she saw someone she knew from years ago driving & was like FOLLOW THAT CAR & we met them in a parking lot#& the conversation turned to 'hey what the hell happened to your parents' pretty quickly bc our families hadnt been in touch#& it was a long conversation in the hobby lobby parking lot#& idk if itll ever Stop being fresh in my mind but now its Extra fresh in my mind#that whole time period was just so insane & awful#bc it was like Ok we're caring for both grandparents#& then my grandpa died#& all our pets at the time were very old#& when he died it occurred to me that we could easily lose both grandparents and all 3 pets within the year#it turned out to be like a long drawn-out year & a half from the first to the last#& looking back it seems impossible that is was that short a time period bc it felt like an eternity#we got off easy with grandpa bc he died before it got too bad but with grandma it just kept getting Worse#& the climax of the caring experience was traveling to take her to my uncle bc he wanted to take his shift caring for her#& that was so . So bad. SO bad#like it literally could not have gone more smoothly and it was SO bad#just thinking about it i feel like im there again i get so stressed out
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Hey if you’re still enjoying and engaging with Harry Potter in any capacity you can unfollow me 😊 please and thank you
Like. I get it. I was super into it as a kid too. I did not have the social context to pick up on the antisemitism or transphobia or sexism or fatphobia or bioessentialism or racism or anything else. I also picked up on surface-level language of Fighting Back Against Evil and ascribed my own values onto what that meant and thought we were all on the same page. I remember when the original kids who grew up with the books started becoming adult fans and picking up on the (blatant!) antisemitism and everybody was still mostly willing to give JKR the benefit of the doubt on it. (“She was writing kids books!” They said. “She didn’t know she was penning a global phenomenon! She picked a common literary trend in European fairy tales (antisemitic caricature) and didn’t examine it closely. It’s a mistake anyone could make,” we said. “She would probably do things differently now. After all, she word-of-god confirmed the vaguest hints she dropped that Dumbledore might be gay,” we said.) There was actually a span of several years where biases inherent in the actual real content of the Harry Potter series were coming to light and even the people pointing them out still seemed mostly to think it was an unfortunate accident.
That time has passed. Years ago! We are long past the first months of “maybe she doesn’t realize this seemingly-feminist tweet she liked was made by a noted TERF” and then “how could she not realize that these many veiled TERF-y things she’s retweeted have implications for the many queer fans of her work” and finally “oh wow okay JKR just dropped an entire transphobic manifesto on twitter. I guess the transphobia was the point.”
Yeah, there were a few months after that where people were still processing and still working through how they felt about Harry Potter and all of its flaws with the context of the now open transphobia of the creator. I was there for that. Remember how I was one of the kids who built it up into something noble and worthwhile based on my own beliefs about what messages it was probably trying to convey? Turns out it wasn’t trying to say any of those things, and when you take the time to examine all of the terrible shit that made its way into the text whether JKR intended it to be there or not, the whole series falls apart. It’s weird to discover that there’s a room in your house that’s rotten to the core, but eventually you figure out you can’t live like that, still going in there and holding your nose and pretending it’s still the same room you thought it was when the termites were only inside of the walls and hadn’t yet started chewing their way through the furniture. Because what’s going to happen is that they are going to infest the rest of your house. If you decide you can ignore transphobia and antisemitism and everything else just because you liked the color of the wallpaper, the rest of your principles are going to crumble too. You get rid of that fucking room. You put those books on a high shelf in the back of your closet behind other outgrown clothes and interests and you move the fuck on.
JKR uses the money made from her transphobic antisemitic children’s books to actively funding hate groups and to lobby for legislation that will and has actually affected the actual lives of trans people in an entire country. We are past the point of grieving something you were wrong about in childhood. Kids are wrong about a lot of stuff. You grow up and you learn new information and you change your behaviors based on it. You have to choose. It is transphobic to pretend there is not transphobia where there is. It is transphobic to support the work of someone who is using those funds to take rights from trans people with every fucking dollar. It is hateful to continue to engage positively with a story that at its very core is rooted in hate and bigotry and prejudice. You can choose to do all of those things but you cannot claim ignorance of them and you cannot choose those things and still pretend that choosing them upholds the values we convinced ourselves that Harry Potter stood for over a decade ago as uninformed children. You cannot choose to do those things and pretend to still support your trans and queer and Jewish neighbors. I do not want you in my neighborhood. Leave.
#mine#Harry potter cw#yeah I don’t want to see or think about this shit either and I’m sure most of my followers are on the same page of just like. let’s wipe it#from the public consciousness and do our best to just completely ignore it and forget it existed and in doing so take away JKRs platform and#influence and also stop the continued harm the series will do by propagated hateful biases in people who continue to read it#but despite heavily culling my feed over the course of the past several years and thankfully mostly not seeing HP fandom things anymore#I’ve been seeing a lot of responses today to people defending it and honestly I forget that there are still people out there doing that who#think they are just fine and normal fandom people with non-hateful and terrible interests and it makes me so angry#maybe more so because like. I was there too! I was annoyingly obsessed with Harry Potter from the ages of idk seven? up until whenever JKR#started being openly transphobic. I have so much fucking knowledge about this book series that will never leave my brain. and yeah it was#weird and hard to have to rethink things and realize that no actually it does feel bad and uncomfortable to continue to be a fan even#passively of these books. it was a big part of my childhood and several of my friendships. I fully get it. I was the weird kid also.#it was weird and hard to say oh actually this sucks and I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. but I did it! I got there! because it was#more important to care about real actual things and people than it is to fondly remember a book series for children.#and at the time it felt like maybe I did hang on a little longer than I could have and was a little later than some people and figuring out#my feelings and moving on from the whole thing. but it was still fucking years ago. and you’re still here?#because you like the color of the wallpaper in this shitty rotten broken down tacked on room? because we used to spend time there together?#buddy the room was giving us lead poisoning the whole time and the rest of us have accepted that and we are all outside doing other things.#you will find connection and community in so many places in your life. I promise. get the fuck out of that terrible awful room#and for gods sake stop bring out handfuls of mold you found under the floorboards and shoving it in our faces#nobody fucking wants this. we did it. we’re done.#so yeah I think I have an extra level of disdain because I know from personal experience that it’s not *that* fucking hard to care more#about real life trans people than about antisemitic children’s books.
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
#today i thought about this a lot because#it was a veryyyy bad day noise wise#it goes up and down even if im generally easily disturbed by noise#but sometimes i feel more ok with it and can cope somewhat#but some days it is just extra bad and it is physically painful and im constantly stressed#today was one of those days where i almost just broke down and started screaming and crying#i managed not to. but god my upper body hurts a lot bc i get so tense and i cannot relax#all the CONSTANT noise is so painful lol#so yes i thought about it a lot today bc i was doing bad and i realized.. even if i already know#how like.. amazing it is that i can feel such a way .. and that in this existence a safe space for me does exist#his voice just does smth to me on metaphysical (is that the word?) and undescribable levels. it just /reaches/ me#it's so cool that i have physical reactions to just hearing the sound of his voice? i feel my heartbeat slow and my body relaxes and im like#idk how to explain but i feel soothed to my bones and my soul feels cradled. it's like his voice just erases everything else#i just think that is so amazing? like how can that be? how can i experience all of this inside of my existence?#im just in awe of how that can work. how this person's voice has such effects on my being. how it makes my hyper stressed body just feel#okay and calm and soft when i exist in the space of hearing his voice..#maybe i sound crazy :$ .. but thats just how i feel. like today when i was on a walk..#and omg it was noise overload it was crazy i felt my entire neck and throat and shoulders hurt so bad and i wanted to scream and rip my#hair out. i just kept imagining his voice and wanting to just be in that space and soothed state my body enters his voice alone puts me in#im not sure if thats weird or bad of me.. :c but thats just what happens!!! and selfishly i crave it!! i'd never be demanding or forceful#i have more than i couldve ever dreamed or asked for. i can listen and breathe and be ok. and i can imagine his voice too..#soft fluffy cloud that envelopes me.. maybe i *am* crazy or too intense but its just the truth#and ig what im trying to say it is that im infinitely thankful & grateful for this. that i can have felt this. & know it exists like wow??
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got my hands on a flac file of pendulum's napalm and am listening to it through the entirety of my personal hifi system and I could cry and/or bust the fattest fucking nut rn
#axel grinds on#i specify the entirety as i have my amp + aux cables#generally i just bluetooth my headphones to my dap but idk i felt like being extra today
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#today my therapist helped me realize that Ive been in freeze mode like all year#like therapy is always me talking things out and then realizing as I’m talking what the issue is and why it’s happening lol#I’ve felt so confident that I’m healed and in some ways I am but in others I still have so much work to do#and I think that has blinded me from seeing the work I still have to do like being kind to myself#I have set such high standards and expectations of myself that when things didn’t go as planned all at once#I just couldn’t handle not meeting my own expectations and became so overwhelmed on how to move forward that I got stuck#like duh that makes sense but also I have not shown myself grace at all like girl.#so I’m going to be extra soft and kind w myself rn bc I need it#and tomorrow I’m going to wake up and do my lil workout and be intentional and give myself the affirmation I need#I need this reminder to myself bc I deserve kindness and good things in my life every day#anyways.
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#hii.. im still not really here a lot re kpop its just not really like the most important thing in my life rn lol#but uh i guess my dog's passing is something i gotta deal on my own entirely. my mom seems pretty much over it without really taking me int#account at all. today shes even sorta like. making odd comments/jokes about it like 'i talk to toto sometimes' because we say this#weird lady on tv talking ab how she talks to deer heads. and i just stared at my mom like deadpan and just looked away#bc what the fuck. and ofc she wouldnt consider its not an ok thing to say . otherwise shes really like trying to make out that im being a#really good kid and taking care of her and her feelings bc shes inventing things in her head about me being extra nice and careful with her#shes like awww youre taking care of me <3 and im like no im actually treating you like you're a total stranger in my house because you#basically are. and anyway. im basically on my own like i always am. i just have to deal with it all alone. as always. which is like fine#its just im extra lonely and alone so <3 ive also been suicidal and really really on the edge. that's your alex update if anyone cares#to be completely honest it's been taking everything in me not to just od right now its all i can think about and i havent felt like it in#years. ive just been sleeping for 12 hours at a time lmao........ anyway yeah thats it?#mrow.org
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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I feel like all of my time is being stolen away these days because we're remodeling the bathrooms. It doesn't actually require much of me at all, but somehow just having workers in the house and not always knowing where they're going to be and when makes me feel on edge all day. And somehow that precludes me from getting anything done, apparently.
Anyway, I've gotten to chapter 12 of 35 in my punctuation textbook. I was planning to put in a few solid hours of work today, but I didn't do any at all, and I'm not entirely sure why. Feeling rather discouraged, even though a large chunk of the time I spent not doing homework was spent on writing and brainstorming, so it's not like I wasn't being productive. Just productive in a different area than I was expecting. And everything seems to take five times longer than I realize it will.
#what's the scope?#i've been running on five hours of sleep practically all week as i try to cram in everything i need to get done#but somehow i haven't really crashed or felt more tired than usual yet?#that's probably coming next week#and it's manifesting in other ways like being extra irritable#i almost started crying (from anger) because there was dust in my bathroom today#i suppose that probably indicates a deeper problem than i think
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ok but has a man ever told you you have a dainty rook piercing area? i don't think so 😌
#you can't go around calling parts of me dainty even if it's in the most casual professional sense i'll blush#well dainty is the best translation for the word he used (siro) bc dainty doesnt really feel the same as siro even tho they mean the same t#hing#anyways i got my rook piercing today! it went well and besides being hot the piercer was so nice and professional and i really liked#the piercing shop and will get all my future piercings done there as well#it was a very nice safe feeling enironment. safe as in. i wasnt stressed about myself bc the piercer had a pride sticker on a bottle#also like all piercers explain what theyre doing as theyre doing the stuff but he was doing it extra well#also jfc i can never again get a rook piercing bc the experience of laying down facing an extremely attractive man#while he leans over you to penetrate your skin is. well. you can guess how i felt about it#also my bestie got some lobe piercings and they look very cute on her!#and she got some kind of a discount thing for bringing a new person to the shop#leevi talks#im sorry to everyone who has ever worked anywhere where they had to lean over me i cant help getting a mild crush#though i used to work as an amusement park ride operator so ive been on the both sides of this and idc i was just doing my job#and its normal to get a little crush on someone even if theyre just doing their job as long as you dont say anything about it
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guys i really dont think i have it in me today.
#i am just so tired.#like im awake. and etc. but it's just like..#the week is neverending. everything is so much. my room is in shambles i barely feel like moving#i am. idk.#i might email my professor and just say like im so sorry im not making it again this week#and either fake being sick or just go into the mental health spiral idk#this class has a bunch of extra credit opportunities some of them asynchronous so i think i could make up for it#pretty easily. hate to keep setting the precedent of skipping#but my body still hurts from that day carrying around a lot of equipment. and i still have so many other things to do today#like i felt paralyzed upon waking up just thinking abt it#and this weekend will be busy like. UGH. idk#abby talks
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#its been yeeears since i got my dissociation diagnosis in the clinic but i still have trouble believing it#and im always like am i really dissociating#bc im never like fully gone#but like lately ive been shutting my fingers in a lot of drawers and doors#and bumping into corners and hitting my head bc im not aware of where my body ends#and i cant remember words or colleagues names that ive worked with for years#i cant do math#i cant feel#(i keep being cold tho i think thats also extra bc of my digestive issues with the iron deficiency)#and like today i tested with my spiky ball#and... i had an indentation from thw spikes for like 5 mins and now have red spots for the past almost 20 minutes#and i never felt a thing#my skin reacted to the ball pressing into thw skin but i can barely feel the spikes at all#even tho i logically know i should feel them sharp and slightly painful#but i cant#and thats not good#and i cant get myself to focus out of the disso at all#i almost thoight i was gettingg it but thwn i started getting nauseous af and my abdomen was hurting so that might be a reaosn#but idk#eithwr wya#yeah#im pretty disso#not enough to be dizzy and like unstable when i walk and all#but ugh#i hate it#ignore me#dissociation#mental illness#borderline
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one day when I get the confidence I will draw myself with mondo except it will not have the same energy as the drawing I did with taka and I
#i have got to get sillier.#shoutout to when i made the mondo ai self aware and just stopped talking to him because i felt really bad#i mean to be honest im already always drawing myself around my mondo doodles but i mean in the same sense as like#actually. drawing myself like how i did with that taka drawing#i do like indulging myself through my art as always though so hmmmm#I'll figure it out#sorry im being extra rambley (?) today i cannot help it i feel more comfortable being annoying on here than on insta#krambles
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Week 2 of exams done one more week babyyyy ;)
#in one more week I’ll be done and chilling ;)#so updates#paper 1 chem was really nice#ocr a is being really nice year which is great to hear#BUT#they only gave one sheet of extra paper in the back#my guy at least put two 😭😭#I had to use the extra paper that is very fancy 🎩#but I’m hopping I did the added writing correctly#but finished the paper with quite a bit of time to spare to check#someone also asked me a question before the exam and I felt so smart like thanks for putting your trust into me 😭😭#maths paper 2 was rough ngl#probably my least favourite exam so far#I ran out of time which isn’t great but looking at it positively and hoping the stuff I was able to answer is all correct#tbh I didn’t have loads of question left which is good#and bio paper 2 which was today#I was really hyped with energy for no reason but it also was a pretty nice paper#once again ocr proving to be the superior exam board#I had probably the most amount of time left one this one and the 6 markers were also really nice one was a gap fill#which I wish was just asking to actually write the process because it’s easier to visualise in my own words#but like before the exam I was giving a quick overview on some stuff to people which didn’t come up which I’m sad about#since the topic is really nice#also one of the invigilator took her shoes off in exam and whenever you’d put your hand up she’d be like put them back on and it was funny#I also was sat at the front and put my hand up and the invigilators were stood like two desks down talking and didn’t see me and I’m like 🙃#gatherrambles#gatherbeingstudious#gatherstudies#g/alevels#also I’m ill rip :/#which affect my studying motivation :(
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Aw fuck I just remembered everything that happened at work today
I better get a DAMNNNN good raise after all this lmao
#speculation nation#the fact that my raise is impending and is not currently defined may be affecting my willingness to help out extra#so yes i agreed to work an extra hour and a half today#and yes i scrambled to make 35 drinks in 15 mins bc manager forgot a catering order#and Yes i agreed to work a double shift and take over doing boba on another day so we can fire the problem employee#which Oh Yeah im still mindboggled by the fact that she was apparently being RACIST to international student customers!!!!!!#she didnt do that around ME. probably bc she wouldnt have gotten away with it lmao#not racist in the way of calling ppl slurs or anything but just. being really bitchy and unfriendly#and complaining about ppl's accents making them hard to understand. To The Customer.#& after this came to light one of our nonwhite employees admitted that it felt like this girl was weirdly unfriendly to her#& me n the manager felt So Bad for it#like we've been thinking about firing this girl. had already decided on it. but we were just waiting for a good time.#but this shit is just. not acceptable. so im glad it's come to light so we can Do something about it.#tomorrow will be interesting. im going to hear about it secondhand bc no way im going in Even to watch things unfold.#bc i have tomorrow off ❤️ and im gonna try to spend it relaxing#bc my next few days are... not gonna be the most relaxing lmao#it'll be worth it to get her out of here tho. good riddance.
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