#I ran out of time which isn’t great but looking at it positively and hoping the stuff I was able to answer is all correct

[gatheryepens]

Week 2 of exams done one more week babyyyy ;)

[coolnameloading]

Second place

Summary: Your relationship with Shauna is reaching a boiling point after months of feeling neglected. Will your anniversary dinner fix everything or is it time to move on?

You were Shauna Shipman’s girlfriend—well, you were supposed to be, but lately, you have felt more like her side piece. 

When you first started dating she made it very clear that if Jackie needed her for anything she would be by her side no questions asked. And at first, you were fine with that.

You thought it was cute that your girlfriend was such a loyal friend so you told her it wasn’t a problem.

Oh, what a love-struck idiot you were. 

At first, your relationship was great. You were like a couple pulled straight out of a 90’s movie. You’d wear her jersey to her games, your friends would roll their eyes at how sappy the two of you were, and old couples would see you walking down the street and give each other a knowing look remembering when they were your age.

Everything was absolutely perfect.

Until it wasn’t.

You didn’t truly understand the position you put yourself in until about 10 months into your relationship. 

Suddenly Jackie was having problems with her boyfriend Jeff, which meant that your weekly date nights became the stuff of history, and the only time you got to see your girlfriend was briefly at school before she was whisked away to soccer practice, or class, or Jackie.

And even when you did get to see her all she’d talk about was how hard Jeff was being on Jackie. 

“He should be glad Jackie even gave him a chance, she could do so much better.”

She sighed leaning against your car.

“Yep”

You mumbled back only half listening to her while grabbing something from your trunk.

“I mean she’s pretty, popular, and the captain of the women’s soccer team.”

“Mhmm”

Suddenly your door slams shut, you look up and see she’s giving you an annoyed look.

“Are you even listening?”

You sigh and nod, “Sorry Shaun but all we’ve talked about for the last two months is Jackie’s love life.”

Shauna rolls her eyes but reaches for your hand, “Sorry baby but I get so upset with how Jeff treats Jackie.”

“I get that but you’ve been so busy with her and soccer I only get to see you for like fifteen minutes in the morning and all you talk about is Jackie.”

You mumble looking down at your intertwined hands trying not to fidget.

“I just want to spend some more time with you.”

You whisper anxiously.

Shauna doesn’t say anything for a minute and you freak out, you open your mouth to make up some excuse but she cuts you off with a kiss.

“Look our one year is coming up on Saturday, what if we go to that burger place you’ve been wanting to try then we catch a movie?”

She whispers kissing the back of your hand while looking at you with her big puppy dog eyes that always make you melt.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah”

“No Jackie?”

“Nope.” 

You nod and kiss her cheek, “Can’t wait.”

Saturday comes, and you arrive at the restaurant. Seeing that Shauna isn’t there yet, you sit down in a booth and wait.

After 10 minutes you start to wonder what’s holding her up.

After 15 you get worried and send her a text ‘Hey I got us a booth, you almost here?’

After 20 minutes and the waitress refilling your water twice you finally get a text back. 

‘Hey baby sorry to do this so last minute but Jackie and Jeff just broke up and she needs me. Hope you understand.’

You stare at your phone for a while, unsure what to text back. You don’t know how long you were staring but the waitress circles back snapping you out of your trance.

“Hey, honey are you ready to order yet?”

She whispers kindly while glancing down at your phone, you tilt it down trying to hide the screen.

You want to answer but you’re afraid you’ll start sobbing the second you open your mouth.

“I-”

“I’m so sorry babe!”

Suddenly Lottie slides into the booth next to you.

“Practice ran late and then my phone died and I couldn't call an Uber to get here so I walked.”

She rambles on and on wrapping an arm around your waist.

You’re too stunned to speak but the waitress laughs and hands Lottie a menu.

“Oh thank goodness I thought the poor thing had been stood up.”

She says smiling at the two of you.

“No ma’am,”

Says Lottie smiling back at the older woman.

“Just ran a little late.”

The waitress walks away leaving the two of you alone in the booth.

“Lottie? What are you doing here?”

You ask watching her look over the menu carefully.

You don’t know much about Lottie. You’ve talked a few times while you waited for Shauna to get out of the locker room, and one time, she asked you for a pen in your English class and never gave it back.

“Well I came to get something to go but then I saw you here and heard the staff whispering that you’ve been here for like a half hour.”

You mumble hiding your face in your hands.

You look over by the entrance and see a group of waitresses whispering and looking at you. When they notice you’re looking, they all split up, and you watch one of them take plates away from a table that is clearly still eating as she tries to look busy. 

“God, can this day get any worse?”

“So why are you here by yourself? Where’s Shauna Isn’t today your anniversary?”

You peek at her from behind your hands.

“You know when our anniversary is?”

She nods chuckling with a small smirk.

“Kinda hard to forget the day Shauna got so annoying. So where is she?”

You take your hands away from your face and sigh trying to keep your voice from cracking.

“She’s with Jackie…I guess she and Jeff broke up and Shauna wanted to stay with her.”

Lottie puts the menu down looking at you in shock.

“You’re fucking with me.”

The waitress comes back and takes your orders. Lottie orders a grilled chicken sandwich with fries and you get a cheeseburger with fries.

As the waitress walks away again Lottie turns back to you.

“And she told you all this last minute?” 

You nod your head looking down at your water cup.

“Yeah, she texted me like 30 seconds before you showed up.”

The waitress comes back with your food and Lottie thanks her handing her a hundred-dollar bill.

“That’s enough right? And you can keep the rest as a tip for keeping my girlfriend here company while I was running late.”

The waitress nods thanking Lottie and walks away probably to brag about her tip.

“You usually don’t pay until you’re done eating ya’ know?”

You mumble trying not to blush, how can she call you her girlfriend so easily and just keep going like nothing happened?

“And what’s with the whole girlfriend comment?”

Lottie eats some of her fries with a grin.

“Well I figured you wouldn’t want them circling back with the check and I called you babe when I first got here so I thought I’d keep playing along.”

The two of you finish your food just talking and having a pretty good time overall, which is shocking given how the day started.

When the two of you get up to leave you grab onto the sleeve of Lottie’s sweater.

“Hey, I um…I got tickets to Beatlejuice Beatlejuice for me and Shauna. Do you wanna….”

Lottie smiles at you, not like her usual confident grin or her haughty little smirk but an actual smile. You let go of her sleeve and look down trying to get the butterflies in your stomach under control.

“Yeah sure lets go.”

[marypaol]

So Close Yet So Far Away

Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Panic attacks, anxiety, self doubt, relationship doubt, negative thoughts, angst :(

Summary: Reader has a panic attack and Draco helps her.

Note: I’m so sorry I haven’t posted a story in a while, it was for some reason taking me forever to finish it even though I had it all planned out. Thanks for the patience. :) And no mention of Y/N if that’s okay! Have a wonderful day and enjoy! 😉

-Also I had to put this gif, he looks so sad! :(

___

She thought they were good. She thought he was good. She thought she was good…Wasn’t she?

That was the same set of questions or thoughts that ran through her mind each morning when his fingers no longer brushed her waist and at night when his cold back faced her.

Was it something she was doing? Something she said and it happened to give him the feeling of unsatisfactory?

She wished she could flick her wand and all could be fixed, but even magic like that couldn’t fix her mental problems. Some things couldn’t be fixed with magic, they had to be fixed with communication and understandings, heart to heart as they discussed their issues, hoping that later on they could at least hold onto their love for a little longer before it was gone.

It seemed these days she was the only one that held that hope, that on her part she was the one who wanted to discuss, not him. The real question was why and when. She just didn’t have the courage to bring it up, afraid to see the penitential snarl on his face or the disappointment towards her to rise in his chest.

She didn’t want that. She was sure no one wanted that. Heck, she bets he didn’t want that but it was something he couldn’t control. Something he had no other choice but to show.

Well, back to the present tense, she is back to the what seemed the cold sheets of lost hope and previous love and her eyes set on the ceiling; not planning on leaving the tiles any time soon.

She heard him breathing softly beside her, and when she was brave enough to glance she saw the slow rise of his shoulders as he slept; his back was still to her. She didn’t know if when she fell asleep somehow he knew and he secretly rolled over and embraced her, or he stayed in the same position the whole night, his body somehow afraid of grazing her skin in any way during his slumber.

It was most likely the second option, for she was sure that she would wake up from something so special beholding her (that something special being him.)

Simply his body facing her would wake her up. His touch upon her skin, for it always made her shiver in the best way. But of course she was imagining all that while she lay in bed with him next to her but far away, almost like he wanted nothing to do with her.

She couldn’t help it. The tears that arose in her eyes were against her will, but she knew the cause was her hurting heart inside her chest, beating the best it could through the pain. She couldn’t be more grateful for it, supplying blood for her body all whilst it stung with great pain.

Soon the tears that were just settled in her eyes were now taking home on her cheeks, flowing like mini rivers and her face was the deep green hills, the water swaying to and fro as the winds picked up.

Her brain started winding, sending thoughts that were so darkened and negative she could no longer breathe properly. Would he leave her? Sure the girl wasn’t as pretty as some other girls within the Magic world, specifically Hogwarts at the moment, but she was average; wasn’t that what she’s always been? Average?

Average isn’t good enough. Not for him. He deserved endless happiness compared to what he’s been through.

Was what she was giving him already, which was happiness and love, not enough for him? She thought so, but based on his current actions of ignoring her and acting like he’s reluctant to sleep beside her, was her displays of affection not satisfactory?

Were they satisfactory, yet not enough to fulfill his expectations?

Her brain was going so fast that it was then this she realized her heart was pounding, so much so the heard it in her ears.

She grew worried, since she wasn’t running or anything, for there was no reason her heart could be beating so quickly. Her lips parted, lungs suddenly starting to run out of air. Her breathing quickened, panicking even more when her heart didn’t stop and the ability to breathe was getting harder.

A wave of hot sweat ran over her like a chill, her legs breaking from the covers abruptly, chest clenching.

Her wobbly legs took her to the bathroom, hands almost slamming the door and fiddling with the lock until it clicked, hands still pressing pressure on it even though the knob already turned.

Her body ran out of strength and she let go quickly, leaning on the sink as she bent her head, squeezing her eyes shut so tightly she saw colors within her eyelids.

Her heavy breathing slowly changed to wheezing and tears, hiccups hurting her chest as her body fought for air for an unknown reason.

Her body flinched hardly when there was rough knocking on the door, the person wanting to come in.

“Loves, you okay?”

The voice. His voice.

It rumbled through the door, not just because he was in fact talking through a door, but also for the reason of his sleepy voice, still tired from his previous slumber.

She was silent besides her heavy breathing still being audible, but even that she was trying to keep quiet.

But of course she couldn’t do so, and since he got quiet as a response he knocked again and twisted the handle gently.

He knocked once again when he found out it was locked. “Loves, open.”

He said it so gently and soft, voice full of concern and love for her. She felt belonged, right then, felt loved and cared for. She walked over to the door hesitantly, hand reaching out and while doing so she saw it was shaking.

She fiddled with the handle with fear rising in her chest in anticipation.

Was he gonna leave her?

The door opened, messy blonde locks coming into view. Despite the softness of his voice earlier, her panic inside her chest caused her to doubt how he would react. She expected his eyes to be hard and full of irritation for I interrupting his sleep, but they were full of concern and worry within the orbs, silver surrounding her vision instead of tears.

He didn’t wait to have a staring contest with her before he closed the door, walking towards her and wrapping his splendor arms around her, stroking the ends of her hair and encouraging to to breath slower.

“I-I can’t.” She said. She spoke through breath after breath, no space between them.

She felt his head nod against her neck. “You can, loves.”

Tears kept streaming. Breathes kept coming out short. Hands kept stroking her cheeks to get rid of the coming tears once he lifted his head up from her neck area.

He sucked in a breath at seeing her in pain, fingers going to her hair and moving it away from her sweaty face.

He cupped her face in his hands, cradling it like the most delicate flower to ever exist. Because to him she was. And it was his job to water her and provide her light.

“Honey, just breathe! I’m here, aren’t I?”

She nodded in his hands, showing him how strong she was. And she’s been told she was by him; he tries to tell her every day.

He suddenly started breathing loud but steady, waving his hand gently to show her to copy him.

She did just that, and all doubts floated away, every questioning thought about their future fading away, replaced with nothing but sincere and genuine love.

Here then she embraced him once more, desperate to feel his warmth. Nose buried in his clothed chest, she mumbled, “Don’t ever leave me, please.”

He scoffed against her. “Leave you? Darling, my heart would rather die a thousand different ways than to leave you.”

-Sorry for any errors, I didn’t look it over! Thanks for reading and make sure to check out other stories:

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Masterlist

[violet3006]

Accident 2/2

Dick and Y/n hated each other with passion, but with Jason's death, Dick began to regret so many things, but with Y/n by his side, he realized the only one there for him was Y/n, making him a little obsessed.

Part 1

 

 

 Robin [Dick Grayson] X Teammate reader

The step I took that day was small. I was worried about my future and how my teammates would treat me. It wasn’t like I wanted to join; I was forced to join when Wally convinced my father to add me to the team.

And my father, a man who was concerned about me, decided it was a great idea.

 

Now Wally and I were cousins while he was flash I was just a normal kid—a kid who didn’t have any power. I was taught to fight so that I could be a hero one day. It wasn’t my dream to be a hero, but my father, who has always looked up to his brother, who had power, trained his hardest to be a hero but retired shortly after he got married.

 

When Wally was born, he spoiled Wally rotten while I was cast to the side. He didn’t mean to do it, but when he found out that Wally also had power, that made him so excited.

 

But that didn’t mean he never loved me. He just never knows how to show it.

Which led him to think that training me would improve our relationship, but it only made it worse when he saw that I wasn’t as quick as Wally and I was just a normal kid.

 

Day after day, I would train, but he was never satisfied.

After turning thirteen, Wally joined the young justice team, which made my father so proud that he would brag about it every day.

 

After two years of Wally joining the justice team, he asked my father to let me in.

My father, who had no hope for me, wasn’t sure, but Wally was able to convince him.

 

So with his connection to Batman, who was in the same position as him, and seeing how they both learned to fight without power, he was happy to help out a close friend.

 

And that was how I was forced to be in the group, and the moment I stepped in, I hated it.

 

I hated everything, and oh, how I hated him.

The moment we met, he came up to me, watching my every movement. While he smirked, he turned to Wally.

 

“I thought you said she was good." With his arm crossed, he turned back to me.

“But she looks like a disappointment.” 

 

I knew I wasn’t liked. I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn’t need someone to tell me in front of my face.

His fucking smile and stare while he looked at me, watching me like he knew what he said was true

 

“I can say the same to you, bitch.” With so little confidence, I spoke up. All the anger I had the moment I stepped in was just flying out.

 

He seems a little taken aback before his face changes to one of disapproval. “What did you just say, kid?” As he came closer to me, he was an inch away from my face as he stared down at me.

 

“You heard me, asshole. I don’t see you being a big benefit to the team.” I look up at him while he looks down at me.

 

“I’m more help than a disappointment like you,” he said as his hand tightened while my face felt so hot that it also made the tears come out, but I wasn’t a crybaby.

 

“Disappointment isn’t nothing because I’m not getting replaced like you." a twitch in his right eye, and I knew he wanted to punch the shit out of me.

I knew I wasn’t a replacement for him, but I wanted to piss him off so bad that I didn’t care.

 

We would have fought that day if Batman never came in and gave a whole speech about how teammates are our family and friends, but that day, me and Robin knew that “friend” would never be used for our relationship. That day, we both made up our minds that we were each other's "enemies.”

 

 

We fought for a long time while he ran off to be Nightwing. I decided to split from the team, but I still help out when needed.

 

Dick and I both knew fighting wasn’t going to do anything; it wasn’t going to benefit us, so we kept away from each other.

 

It would have stayed that way too, but his hatred for me grew when Jason was brought in. He despised Jason, thinking that he was his replacement, while I loved Jason.

 

Jason, a small young boy who was always smiling, had a big mouth, but he was a sunshine to me. I hated Dick for treating him like trash. I hated him for always blaming Jason. I just hated Dick Grayson so much that I never wanted to stay even close to him.

But with "luck,” they teamed us up and told us to work as a team.

 

 

“Why can’t you fucking drop dead dick just seeing your face disgusting me?”

 

“I can say the same about you!” After saying that, he kicked Y/N off the seat.

 

Y/N, who was kicked, was already pissed off that she was going to punch Dick back, but he caught her hand before she could reach his face.

 

“Unlike you, I can’t have my face bruised.”

 

“Like I care! Let me fucking go." Dick released her hand, turning away from her as he constructed the mission in front of him, while Y/N decided to text Jason, trying to ignore the blue boy.

 

 

-What are you doing?

 

 

1 minute (seen)

-going to go on a mission soon.

 

 

-a mission? Bat is giving you a mission?

-What is it about?

 

 

-He didn’t give it to me.

-I'm going to go alone.

 

 

-That doesn’t sound good.

 

 

-When did anything sound good to you?

 

 

-you right

-Ok, then what is the “mission” about?

 

 

-I can't say much.

-but I’m going to go look for the joker.

15 minutes (seen)

 

Dick looked over at Y/N while she looked at him. "What's your ugly ass looking at?” she said. He gave her a glare while she continued texting Jason.

 

 

 

-find him!

-Wish me luck. Y/n

 

 

-Jason! That doesn’t sound safe.

-Jason?

-Jason answered me.

 

 

-I'll be okay! I know how to handle this. I was trained by Batman.

 

 

-and! I was trained by my father, and I’m still getting fucked out there every day.

 

 

-that you

-I'm not you😒

-It will be okay! You know what I text you when I’m done.

-I'll be alright.

-See you in 2 hours after I beat up Joker.

 

 

-ok

-But if you don’t text in 2 hours, I’m setting up a funeral for you.

 

 

-yeah yeah

Last seen: 2 hours ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Dick, you don’t understand that the plan is not going to work if you do that." After 2 hours, Y/N was now arguing with Dick about the plan he came up with.

 

"Well, I don’t see you planning shit,” he says, pushing her out of the way as he types in the code.

 

“Dick listen! You're going to get us fucking killed." y/n grab Dick's hand, trying to stop him from doing something stupid, but Dick just slaps her hand as he continues his work. Y/N, dissatisfied by this, decided to leave him alone.

 

“Why do you hate me so much, huh?”

A little startled by the question, Dick stopped what he was doing and actually thought about it.

 

Why did he hate her so much? He knew he was the reason they weren’t friends, and he also knew he was rude as fuck to her when they first met.

But he never wanted to admit it was his fault. The moment he saw Y/N that day, something in him just bloomed, something he didn’t like, and it was all her fault, but why?

Why did he blame her? Was it because he never felt that way before and he felt like she bewitched him?

 

“Fuck damn, you can just say you didn’t like me at all and let it go; you didn’t need to think so hard about it.”

 

"Shush, I’m still thinking.”

Dick, now deep in thought, put his hand away from the keyboard.

At least that stopped him. Y/n thought

 

“A little too long; it's not that serious." Y/N checked her phone, and her eyes landed on the text with Jason.

 

It's been 2 hours, and this kid still didn’t text or call her back. She was a little concerned but didn’t think too much of it.

 

Dick, who was deep in thought, was getting more confused about the “hate” he felt for Y/N; he didn’t even notice the small sound from his pocket.

 

“Dick”

Hearing her voice, he looked up at her. She looked down at him while pointing to his pocket.

Noticing what she meant, he picked up the call; it was a call from Bruce, which is weird because he doesn’t keep in contact with him.

 

On the other side, Dick could hear a husky voice. Picking up the phone, he listens to the voice.

“Dick…J-Jason he-”

 

A few minutes passed, but it felt like an hour.

Dick's heart stops. He sat there for awhile while he tried to process what Bruce just said.

 

 

Dick looked up at Y/N while she stared back at him with a nervous face the moment he started talking with a shaking voice.

Y/N tired to listen to everything he said, but she couldn’t take in every word as she felt tears coming down.

Y/N and Dick look at each other, not knowing what to do.

 

Dick stood up with shaking legs as he hugged her.

While she was still processing, he tried to promise her that Jason would be fine and everything would be okay, but he himself couldn’t handle it. He felt like his words were empty promises. He felt like this was his fault. As regret came flooding in, he couldn’t help but cry as he remembered all the hateful words he had told the young boy.

 

That day, both Y/N and Dick, who swore that they were enemies, weren’t sure how to feel at the moment, but they knew they just needed support as they hugged each other silently, crying.

 

 

A year passed, and Jason's death was confirmed.

 

Dick fell into depression after recalling so many memories of Jason. This made him stay at his apartment all day while he stayed in bed, crying himself to sleep. Each night, he would hallucinate that Jason was there, asking him what he had done wrong.

 

Dick would jump up, trying to hug Jason, trying to apologize, telling him he didn't do anything wrong, that he was a good kid, and that he himself was in the wrong, not the young boy, but every time he tried, there was nothing; it was just him and no one else.

 

A tiny knock came by.

 

A small sound that Dick would have ignored if it wasn’t for the voice

 

Y/n…

 

 

“Dick it me, Y/N. I know you don’t want to hear or see me right now, but I’m here to check up on you.” She slowly knocked again, waiting for a reply. After a few minutes of no reply, she was going to knock again, but before she could, the door opened, and there stood Dick.

 

The confident dick who always picked a fight with her was standing in front of her, looking like a dead man who just came out of the grave.

“Y-y/n…” After months of staying in his apartment, he was happy to hear another voice—a voice that was actually real.

 

The person he hates so much, the one he considers his enemies, the moment they met, but right now her annoying voice sounds so different.

Maybe he always finds her voice angelic but has hidden it to ignore his growing feelings for her, but right now, as he stares at her, he just wants to break down. He wants her to comfort him.

 

He lost a lot of weight; she can see the bone when he reaches out to her, begging her to come in and comfort him. Before she knew it, she was pulled in.

 

 

In the tiny apartment, the window was open as cold air flowed through the moonlight shine upon them.

As he cuddled her in the bed of his apartment, she patted his head, but, becoming a bit bored, she started playing with his hair.

“Dick, you know Jason will never blame you." She whispered, her hand still playing with his hair. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to be doing.

 

“But I treated him so badly. Y/n… I hated him so much that I always told him he was my replacement." Y/N felt his tears as he came closer to her, hiding his face in her neck.

 

“I know, but we are talking about Jason here, the young boy who was always looking up to you; he loved you, Dick,” she patted him.

“I know you regret a lot, but right now we need to be strong for him. You don’t want him to see you like this; he will blame himself.”

 

After some talk later, Dick, who couldn’t sleep all month, was finally sleeping. He hugged Y/N, begging her to stay, and he was finally able to sleep. When he was about to close his eyes, he thought of Y/N's first meeting and the “hate” he felt for her. After realizing that, he closed his eyes in peace while Y/N thought about all the memories they shared.

 

She hated him, but when Bruce mentioned what he was doing to himself, she couldn’t leave him alone. She wasn’t sure how he would react to seeing her, but now she's kind of happy.

He was so quiet as he cuddled the shit out of her. She wanted him to let go, but she didn’t want him to let go at the same time they both cuddled that night, holding each other.

 

 

 

 

Dick completely changed after that, and everyone who was around him could see it.

That night, Dick realized his feelings for Y/N were actually a crush, but unlike his young side, he wasn’t going to hide his feelings for her; he wanted to show the world his feelings for her.

 

Now it “where y/n” or “would y/n like this." He couldn’t go one second without Y/N always searching for her. Every time he found her, he would hug her, using the excuse that they were friends, so they should always support each other.

 

He would always try to find her, and she couldn’t even use the bathroom without him panicking. One time, he cried when Y/N told him that he was being annoying. Y/N felt so bad when he told her he just wanted a friend because he felt bad for everything he had done in the past. That day, he didn’t let her go anywhere as she tried to comfort him.

 

Y/N wasn’t sure how to feel about this new Dick; she kind of missed all the fighting they would do, but now he treated her like she was a doll that would break any second.

 

 

Lately, Y/N wanted to settle down. She wanted to get married and leave her whole life. She attended all the blind dates, but when she finally found someone she liked, they would reject her because she already had a "boyfriend,” they said after leaving her.

 

Confused, she knew that it was Dick, but when she confronted him, he would guilt-trap her. “I didn’t know; I just wanted to find the right one for you, and he had a bad background. I was just trying to help," and then she would forgive him after he kept reasoning about why he did it.

 

After some years of finding nobody, Dick suggested that she should settle down with him because he could actually take care of her while supporting her in everything.

“I mean, not every day you get Wayne as your boyfriend,” he smirked at her.

 

 

She laughed at it but thought about it. She did like Dick, but she wasn’t sure if he was her one. “That might not be a bad idea,” she whispered, but Dick still heard.

 

“Yeah! So what is your decision?” He scooted closer to her.

"Ok, let's give it a go,” she said, turning to him and holding out her hand.

 

“So does that mean we are dating now?” he asked, holding her hand.

“Yes, it seems so.” She felt a squeeze before she was pulled closer to him.

“Then can I kiss you?” Right now, they were inches away from each other.

 

But with a nod from Y/N

 

Dick attacked her lips. He kissed her like he was starving, like she was the air he needed. She pushed him away, trying to gather some air before she was attacked again. He licked her bottom lips, then bit them, trying to tell himself that this was her. This was the girl he always wanted. She was the one he needed.

 

“I finally have you." With a deep breath, he kissed her again, holding her hand tighter. “I can’t let you go, for now; you are mine. If you try to leave, I will not be hesitant to break your pretty legs.”

 

She felt chills down her back as he continued to go further down to kiss her neck. She wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, but right now she just wanted comfort.

 

 

 

"Wally, do Y/n like sliver or gold?” Dick was picking out a ring for Y/N for their two-month anniversary.

“Isn’t it too early in y'all's relationship for that?” Wally, who was being dragged by Dick, was barely awake.

“I drag you here to help me not to question me." Looking to the side, he saw a perfect diamond ring. It looked more like an engagement ring, but he knew that Y/N would be overwhelmed by it. But wouldn’t it be amazing? The ring would be a sign that she was his, a sign that she loved him, and nobody could have her but him.

 

But no, Y/N loves him, and he doesn’t need a ring to tell him that he only needs her; just her dating him will satisfy him.

 

"Dick, buddy, are you good?” Wally pushed Dick a bit, trying to get his attention.

 

Dick, who was still in his thoughts, started questioning if she really did like him.

“Y/N love me right,” they stood there staring at the ring as Wally struggled to answer him.

“She didn’t say yes just because she just needed somebody to love her, right?" Dick has a habit of questioning Y/n love for him, and anybody could see it.

 

Y/N accepted his confession, but it seems she didn’t really answer him fully as he questioned her love. Anyone watching them could see that Y/N loved Dick, but Dick, who is always anxious about her love, can’t seem to see it.

"Dude, you are the only one who can’t see that she loves you." Wally wasn't sure how to cheer Dick up, but at the same time, he wasn’t sure if Dick would even listen.

“I mean, you are the oldest soon of Wayne. You are handsome, hot, and understanding. She would brag that her boyfriend is one of a kind, and she would never leave him even if he asked her to." Wally nodded at himself proudly, stating the obvious, and Dick, who was down just a minute ago, was now a smiling freak. 

 

He was smiling so much that his jaw hurt, but hearing what Wally said made him question if Y/N actually thought of him that way. 

Of course Y/N didn’t say that, but Wally just needed an excuse so that Dick wouldn’t be down all day. He was trying to help a buddy out. 

 

"Ok, Wally, let me pick a ring so I can return to Y/n” Dick picked a bright blue ring shape like a diamond. He picked a bright one so that people could see the ring, that will soon be placed on Y/N.

After buying the ring, he said goodbye to Wally and raced to the apartment that he bought for Y/N. When she decided to leave home, he offered her the apartment. She rejected his offer at first, but with some begging, she agreed. 

 

The apartment was a place for them; it was like a nest. Dick would think of it as a nest where his future wife was waiting for him as he hugged her from behind and thought of their future together. 

He wanted everyone to know that she was his and that he was her.

 

Stepping into their apartment, Dick started searching for her. He still can’t believe the girl he once thought he hated was his only true love. What was the young him thinking? She was a beauty. She was an angel who was made just for him and only him.

The moment she accepted, he swears he will never let her go, even if she begs for it. Right now and forever, she will be his. 

Finally finding her, he hugs her from behind, recalls all the memories of their past, and shows her the ring while kissing her. She smiles as they both sit there. Talking about their future and confessing their love again 

After all that time, he now understands what that man meant; he knows why he fell first, and now he understands who he truly loves.

[hanjisungs-bigtittyg0thgf]

Kinktober day 4: Shibari with WooSan

Trigger warnings: n/a

Content warnings: names (babe, baby, sweetheart, sweet girl, darling, baby girl), oral (f receiving), a little manhandling, shibari (duh)

Summary: The boyfriends who frequent your bar convince you to let them show off their rope work.

Word count: 1.8k

A/N: hi all 🥰 after much consideration, i’ve decided to repost my kinktober 2022 stories. i had a great time writing these a couple years ago and want to share them again now that it’s been a while and i’ve had time to fall in love with them again. i hope you all enjoy! and by all means, feel free to send a message or comment here if you’d like to be part of the new tag list!

Tags: @bahng-chrizz

Smut below the cut

“Whaddaya think, babe? I feel like a heart would look cute on her.” Wooyoung mused, looking at his boyfriend.

“I was thinking a pentagram.” San hummed in response, scratching his chin as he looked down at you.

You were currently sat on the foot of their bed. San and Wooyoung were regulars at your bar and they’d been flirting with you for months. “This isn’t an offer we’d extend to just anybody, y/n. Please think about it.” They’d said.

It hadn’t taken them long to wear you down, you’d found them attractive instantly and were oddly disappointed to learn they were dating. But they took a special interest in you and you found yourself easily swayed by their charms and good looks.

“What do you think, sweetheart?” Wooyoung leaned down with a grin. “Want a pentagram right here?” He ran a finger along the edge of your bra, dipping just inside the cup, and you shivered, nodding as you forced yourself to make eye contact. “Why don’t you stand up for us then, hmm?” He coaxed as he stood straight while San walked to the dresser, where they had a few different rope choices laid out.

They both had already woven intricate patterns across each other’s chests and you couldn’t help but admire the expanse of San’s back, framed with thin black ropes, as he walked away from you. You already thought he was gorgeous, you’d seen glimpses of his chest a few times since he didn’t seem to know that the top three buttons of his shirt existed. But something about the way the rope hugged his slim waist and broad shoulders made your mouth run dry.

You stood from the bed and Wooyoung pulled you towards him, making room between you and the furniture so he could circle behind you and follow your gaze. “He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?” He whispered in your ear, hands closing around your biceps as you both admired his lover.

“He is…” You whispered back with a nod, taking note of the way the corners of San’s lips curled upwards in the mirror. After a moment of silence, during which you both took time to appreciate the beautiful man before you, you turned your head to the left to look at Wooyoung. He was mere inches away, trying to decide if he should hook his chin over your shoulder to stare dreamily at his boyfriend. The twinkle in his eyes as he took in his lover was endearing and you bit back a smile. “So are you.”

His eyes widened the tiniest amount and his cheeks started to turn pink before he regained his composure and let a lazy smile spread across his lips. “Is that so?” He sounded playful as he turned to look at you. You gave a tiny nod and forced your breathing to remain calm despite the way your heart raced.

Before either of you had the chance to say anything else, San spoke up. “Kiss her, Woo. You know you want to.” You watched as Wooyoung’s gaze flitted to your lips before allowing yourself to do the same. His right hand left your arm and moved to your chin, tipping your head back as his lips brushed against yours. It was an awkward position since he was still standing behind you but you allowed yourself to enjoy it.

You didn’t hear when San walked towards you so you were startled when you suddenly felt yourself sandwiched between the two men. His fingertips ghosted over the same path Wooyoung’s had taken only a short while earlier, teasing along the edge of your bra before dipping inside. Your hands moved to rest on his shoulders when he bent down to press kisses on the tops of your breasts and Wooyoung chuckled into your mouth when you gasped at a soft bite to your chest.

San’s arms snaked around your waist and Wooyoung took that as his cue to back off, tugging your lip between his teeth as he pulled away. San wrapped the rope around you, following the bottom of your bra, and passed the end to Wooyoung, who passed it back over your shoulder. They moved slowly, passing it back and forth, taking turns scattering teasing kisses along your feverish skin while the other had the rope and allowing their hands to linger a moment too long when they did have the rope.

It felt like ages before Wooyoung wrapped the tail of the rope around itself for the last time, giving a gentle tug to check that it was secure. “How’s it look?”

“Perfect.” San groaned softly, admiring the way the rope hugged your body. “Why don’t we add handles, baby? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a good grip while we fuck her?” Wooyoung nodded enthusiastically, eyes turning to you. He’d sprint to get more rope if you agreed. “Would you like that, sweet girl?” You nodded far too quickly for your liking and Wooyoung moved from behind you to get more rope. “Why don’t we take these off before it’s too late, hmm? Wouldn’t wanna have to rip them off would we?” San hummed and snapped the elastic of your panties.

With your permission, he knelt before you and hooked his fingers in your waistband, slowly tugging your panties down. Your hands curled into fists at your sides in anticipation and you bit your lip as you watched. You were thankful he elected to ignore the embarrassing wet patch between your legs but Wooyoung rejoined you just in time to see your panties peel away from your pussy and he didn’t attempt to hide the way he adjusted his dick upon seeing a string of arousal connecting you to the thin cotton. “Jesus, y/n, you’re fucking soaked.” He groaned, unable to avert his gaze. “That was so fucking hot.”

Your cheeks blazed but you didn't speak, you couldn’t. You stayed quiet as you stepped out of your panties and when Wooyoung stepped back behind you. You shivered when he wrapped the rope around your hips, hands smoothing over your belly as he made the belt and passed the tails around to San.

You stifled a moan when San’s hand brushed against your pussy as he passed the rope under your ass and between your legs. He grinned up at you and licked his hand clean before shifting his gaze to Wooyoung. “You do the first one, babe, I think she needs to be taken care of.”

You wanted to pout when Wooyoung’s warmth left your body once more but you couldn’t bring yourself to look away from San, who was looking at you with a dizzying combination of desire and admiration. You felt Wooyoung start to tie the handle and forced yourself to glance at it, finding him doing a square knot as San leaned in and pressed a kiss just below the belt. “Eyes on me, darling.”

You complied with no hesitation, watching as he spread you open and flattened his tongue against you. You took a staggered breath as he lapped at your cunt, barely registering Wooyoung’s long fingers moving against your hip. The things San could do with his tongue were downright sinful and it didn’t take him long to coax a series of pathetic sounds out of you.

Your legs wobbled as Wooyoung finished the handle and San pulled away to receive one strand while Wooyoung pulled the other one behind you. San copied his previous actions, wrapping the rope around your thigh before standing. “I’ll do this one. Make her cum.” Before Wooyoung was even seated, San was tying the first knot on the handle.

Wooyoung reached out to briefly palm San through his sweats with a playful gleam in his eyes before dropping his hand and returning his attention to you. He focused on your pussy and let out a long sigh. “Look at you, all messy and eager for more.” While he seemed to say this more for his benefit, you still felt a rush of arousal and whined when he didn’t immediately touch you. “Relax, baby girl, I’m right here.” He chuckled as he leaned in, swiping the tip of his tongue through your folds a moment later.

You bit back a soft gasp at his touch, tangling your hands into his hair. You didn’t notice how much faster San was moving, all you could focus on was Wooyoung’s tongue flicking back and forth over your clit. You felt lava pooling in your belly and urged him to go faster but he didn’t. San was quick to wrap the excess rope around the back of the belt and Wooyoung pulled away when San was done. “Babe, I think she needs a hand, her poor legs are shaking.” His tone was mocking as he peeked around you to his boyfriend, who quickly took the hint and grabbed the handles.

“Lean back.” He ordered, not giving you time to process what he meant before hoisting you in the air while Wooyoung hooked your legs over his shoulders. You didn’t even get the chance to let out the surprised squeal that wanted to force its way out, it was replaced with a breathy moan as Wooyoung’s fingers slipped inside you with ease.

He curled them and set a torturously slow pace, a stark contrast to the way his tongue toyed with your clit. Unsure of what to do with your hands, you wound one into each man’s hair and tugged. “Look at me.” San whispered into your ear and you let your head fall to his shoulder, craning your neck to see him. He crashed his lips to yours in a messy kiss, drinking up your moans as Wooyoung worked you closer to the edge.

The feeling of weightlessness combined with your taste on San’s tongue and the barrage of pleasure you were receiving was too much. Fire licked at your spine as your orgasm lurched closer. You let go, wave after wave of pleasure crashing over your body when Wooyoung sucked on your clit.

You weren’t reciprocating the kiss anymore, just moaning into San’s mouth as the flames consumed your body. You couldn’t help but pull their hair harder as your thighs began to tremble on either side of Wooyoung’s head, a cue for him to ease off. He guided you through your orgasm and slowly backed away, not bothering to clean you up. He carefully removed your legs from his shoulders and stood, guiding them around his waist. “Come here.” His voice was gentle as you locked your ankles behind him.

You finally opened your eyes and looked at San, who nodded in approval. You released their hair and wrapped your arms around Wooyoung’s neck, allowing him to hold you. San released the handles and made his way to the bed, sitting down on the foot as Wooyoung carried you around to the side and laid you down. “Let go, baby.” He whispered when you didn’t immediately release him. You did as he said and he positioned you in the middle of the bed before laying beside you. “Now, why don’t we let Sannie have some fun?”

<-d-3 | d-5->

[pugh-bug]

No.42 Chapter 7

Art Donaldson x reader slow burn

If you’re still reading this series I appreciate you so much 🫶🏻 this is a pretty angsty chapter - vague implications of an eating disorder.

Part 6

——————————————————————

You had twelve texts, mostly from Liam, with the most recent being:

11:49am - Text from Liam

Thanks for coming you looked great haha

get home safe ok ;)

The wink you barely registered in your exhausted morning state, instead you rolled over to see Art asleep on your floor. He was in last nights clothes, as were you, and curled up in the foetus position. The temperature outside had finally dropped enough degrees to let a light breeze through your open window, brushing Art’s curls off his cheek. He looked angelic.

‘He might need you more.’

What did he need you for? He had Art for friendship, Liam for rivalry, his family for financial stability and himself setting his future aspirational lifestyle in motion. All of these thoughts swam in your head like hunting gators as you listened to Art’s peaceful breathing. What was he dreaming about? You hoped something good, your recent dreams had caused you nothing but high blood pressure.

CLANG!

Ah…Patrick. Morning coffee time.

‘Hmmm?’ Art mumbled, opening his eyes slowly. The poor boy must have the worst hangover of anyone’s life (you’d say of his but it was likely Art’s first real one). ‘How are we feeling?’ You cooed, sitting cross legged on your bed staring down at him. For a moment you received no response other than groaning, as Art clambered to a seating position. His eyes were still foggy when he cleared his throat to ask what time it was.

‘It’s 12.’

Another groan. ‘Shit…where are my - I’m sorry why am I in your room?’ He looked around frantically for his phone or water, so you gestured to your nightstand which stocked both. You smiled slightly at Art’s sleepy, confused voice. ‘You tell me,’ you shrugged, trying to remember. ‘We probably got out the Uber and just collapsed in here instead of your room cos it’s closer…Pat’s slept on the couch maybe?’

Art ran his fingers through his hair, straining his neck up with wide but distant eyes. He looked, for a moment, like he’d stopped breathing. Like he’d severed the oxygen to his brain and he was going to sit and wait to crack. His nails were even starting to dig in on his own arm.

‘Art.’ You snapped your fingers in his face and he seemed to come back from wherever he’d been. ‘Are you okay?’ Art solemnly took in your concerned frown for a moment before standing up and saying ‘Thanks for looking after me.’ on his way out.

——————————————————————

Art had been too exhausted to go to practise but not too exhausted, apparently, to do press ups in the kitchen. You walked in, after your shower, expecting to find the two of them watching tv not working out - well Patrick wasn’t. ‘I know I know, you try telling him.’ Was all Patrick offered in response to your look of total disbelief.

‘Twenty six…twenty seven…twenty eight…’

Any other day you might have been impressed but this? This was ridiculous.

‘Art, what are you doing?’

‘Twenty nine���thirty…thirty one…’

He was sweating, not as much as when he played tennis but he’d need a shower. His lips, in between counts, were trembling ever so slightly from the effort as he pushed and pushed to fight against sleep. It was a sad sight, one you wished to dissolve one way or another.

‘Art, this is fucking ridiculous. You’ve barely slept you’re hungover you just need one lazy day.‘

No response.

‘This isn’t normal.’

Patrick gave you one last look of defeat before going for his shower, clearly desperate to leave the room. You hesitated before kneeling on the floor beside Art’s head.

‘Thirty seven…thirty eight…’

His body was giving up on him - just screaming at him to let it rest.

‘Thirty…nine…’

When he got to forty you hoped you’d see a flicker of satisfaction on his face, followed by a prompt end but no. No, he just kept going.

‘Forty two…forty thr’

‘Fucking stop!’ You yelled and he did. Finally. Art dusted off his hands and sat up, staring at you in complete silence. He looked almost horrified at the intrusion.

‘I’m not your Mum but you need to look after yourself, you’re never going to win matches if you turn up to them half dead because you refuse to relax.’ You sighed, heavily, waiting for the lengthy disagreement Art would throw at you. The defensiveness. It never came.

‘I know.’ He pulled his knees up to his chest and stared at the poorly woven carpet, looking lost. ‘I just…I can’t afford to take days off I’m not Patrick. I have to work and work and work at it constantly. If I get into the habit of taking days off whenever I feel a bit shitty what will that get me? It won’t get me into Challengers, it won’t make me win any Opens. I won’t win Wimbledon Y/N,’ Art looked up at you, his eyes glassy. ‘What will it have all been for if…if after everything I’m just average?’

‘You’re telling me you can’t win Wimbledon if when you’re hungover you watch tv instead of working out?’ You rubbed your face, studying his for any negative reaction. ‘Sometimes one small set back is all it takes.’ He looked utterly defeated, you’d never seen someone look so low. It was hard for you to understand the tennis obsession but of course, like most things, you knew it wasn’t as simple as it seemed.

‘Have you eaten yet?’

He shook his head.

‘Well, you really should - actually you will. There should be leftovers.’

You managed to convince Art to eat and drink plenty of water before he resisted. ‘Maybe go back to bed?’ Was your advice - which he did not take. Patrick was half gaming half texting girls and only chimed in to make the odd sarcastic comment. He didn’t hear what Art said next.

‘Y/N,’ When you took your eyes away from your coffee you saw Art’s hand trailing closer to yours, his eyes apologetic. ‘I think you’re kinder than anyone I’ve ever met.’ Before you could say anything he was coughing, interrupting himself before he could share further. It took a while for his diaphragm to ease up but by then the moment had passed. His hand had returned to his side of the table.

Chapter 8

Masterlist

Taglist: @gatorgirl007 @imblushingrn @soy-garbage @blahhucantmakeme

[cupidjyu]

hi bb!! can i pls req a little q drabble w him being jealous ur paying more attention to ur cat than him?? i love ur works and i hope u have a great day <33

me(ow) too!

changmin x reader (request tysm lovely!!)

genre: jealousy, an orange cat named cleo, changmin is like a cat, cuddling, fluff fluff notes: did i name the cat simply after searching up “cute cat names”?? maybe 😓 hope you enjoy! word count: 1.2k

“Oh, you remind me of Changmin,” You whispered. Your hand gently pet your cat’s soft head, the orange fur running through your fingers. To your surprise, he even nuzzled into the palm of your hand with a small purr, causing you to smile.

The doorbell rang which made you look up from your crouched position. Shuffling to the door, you opened it. You gave your boyfriend a loud gasp at the sight of him. His shoulders sank as he stepped inside.

“What, did you forget that I was coming over?” He frowned.

You snickered. “Of course not. I’m just happy to see that you’re here.”

Changmin smiled at that as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. Immediately, you sank into his warmth. You’ve always loved how tight he hugs you. Sometimes, he worried that he was suffocating you but you always reassured him that that was just how you liked it.

“I missed you,” He whispered against the side of your face, his lips brushing against your temple.

“You saw me two days ago,” You replied with a bashful smile.

“And you think that satisfies me?” He pulled away with a raised eyebrow. “Never.” His hand came around your waist, pulling you closer to his lips. Either one of you could just lean in and…

“Cleo!” You exclaimed, abruptly pulling away, leaving your boyfriend to chase foolishly after your lips with closed eyes. You looked down instead, where the orange cat had brushed his tail against each of your ankles.

“What?” He frowned, staring at the cat. He was now sitting politely, staring up at Changmin with an almost smug look.

“Cleo. my cutie.” You smiled, picking him up and nuzzling your cheek against his fur. Changmin’s hand still lingered on your waist as he stared at the cat with furrowed eyebrows.

“I forgot you’re taking care of him today,” He said with a slight grumble in his voice. “You must be happy.” He opted for a quick kiss on your forehead instead.

“I really am!” You exclaimed, completely oblivious to his change in mood. “I love taking care of him.” Cleo was a cat that you and your friend worked on taking care of together. On certain days, you would take care of him and vice versa. Usually, you chose the days when Changmin was busy so you wouldn’t feel lonely. But, it seems that the timing has lined up for the both of them.

“And you finally get to spend time with him.” You grinned, shoving the cat in his face. Changmin awkwardly gave a smile and stroked the fur. His eyes widened slowly.

“He’s so soft.”

“Isn’t he?” You set the cat down. Then, you reached your hand up and ran your fingers through your boyfriend’s hair. “Like you.”

He gawked at you for a second before he broke out into a shy smile. He then lunged forward and pulled you into another hug.

“Of course,” He whispered. “I’m always softer.”

You rolled your eyes fondly as you led him into your room.

Now, the two of you were sitting in bed, looking for a movie to watch together. Suddenly, the orange cat jumped up on bed, lying his head on your lap. You gasped, repeatedly slapping Changmin’s shoulder to get his attention.

“Look, look, look,” You whispered. “He loves me.”

Changmin was silent for a moment, just observing the way your fingers ran through the cat’s hair oh so gently.

“I love you,” He whispered, his bottom lip jutting out slightly. You turned to him with an oblivious smile.

“I love you too.” You smiled, leaning forward to peck his lips. Changmin smiled back. Then, you turned back to Cleo who was practically purring on your thigh. “He’s so cute,” You cooed, your eyes filled with sparkles.

It was quiet again. The silence started to become unsettling so you turned to Changmin only to see that he was staring back at you with sad eyes. Again, he reminded you just of an adorable cat.

“What’s wrong?” You pouted.

“What about me?” He asked softly.

You only stared at him, perplexed.

He sighed with a mixture of embarrassment and frustration. “Am I… cute too?”

You bit your lip at that, trying to contain the giggle that threatened to escape your mouth. “What?”

“I—“ He groaned. “Don’t make me repeat it.”

You snorted. “Yes, of course. You’re cute too. Like Cleo.”

“Not like Cleo. Cuter?”

“Mhm,” You hummed, smugly. “Cuter.”

“Exactly,” He huffed.

After finally choosing a show, the two of you were sitting together, with Cleo still asleep on your lap. Then, you watched as he blinked his eyes open and mewed.

You gasped, and again, slapped Changmin, even harsher this time, earning a small “ow” from him.

“Changminie, look, look, he—“ You cooed. “He meowed!”

“I can see that.”

“I didn’t know a cat’s meow would be so cute.” You picked him up, hugging him close to your chest. “My baby, I love you so much. My sweet, sweet orange fluffy pie—“

A whine.

A whine that didn’t come from Cleo nor you. You slowly turned to Changmin, your mouth agape.

“Did you just—“

Changmin widened his eyes and immediately shook his head with reddening cheeks. “No, I—“

“Did you just meow?”

He immediately sat up at that. “I did not. Who said that? Why would I? No, never.”

You stifled a laugh, gently setting Cleo down. You hooked a leg over Changmin, hugging him close.

“You definitely meowed.” You grinned, looking up at him teasingly.

“I didn’t. I’m not a cat.”

“You remind me of one, mister.” Even before you had gotten your cat, you always believed Changmin had the same mannerisms as a cat such as the way he stretches adorably after a nap or the way he likes to pepper kisses all over your face when he’s particularly happy. Sometimes, his hair would even stick up after waking up, creating little cat ears.

He blushed further. “I just— you’re all up in his… fur. You haven’t been saying those sweet things to me.”

You smiled, pressing your lips softly to his jawline, causing him to flush even more.

“But I like Cleo because he reminds me of you,” You muttered. With wide eyes, he gazed down at you.

“Really?” He whispered, a small smile growing on his previously pouty lips.

You nodded, huffing out a fond laugh. “Really.”

“Then…” He garbled out an incomprehensible sound after.

“Repeat that?” You laughed.

“I adore you so much,” He finally managed, his words rushed.

As it got late, the three of you began to feel sleepy. Lying down on the bed, you brought Cleo to your chest, hugging him softly. Changmin watched with a fond smile.

You gasped when you felt him start to pull Cleo away from your arms.

“What are you— oh.”

Your lips pulled into a fond smile when you realized that it was Changmin who was now cuddling the orange cat. He was holding him so warmly that you felt like your heart might explode.

With a sigh of affection, you snuggled closer so that Changmin would wrap his arms around you as well. That way, Cleo was sandwiched in between you two.

“I should invite Cleo over more,” You whispered.

“As long as you love me too.”

“Always.”

The two of you smiled down at the orange cat who had already fallen asleep, purring quietly.

[dragonrider9905]

What Tooka You So Long?

Happy birthday @imabeautifulbutterfly!!! I hope it is filled with many blessings and much happiness! It’s been so wonderful chatting with you and reading your stories. I’ve been a fan for so long ;D I hope you accept and like this little gift I have for you :) ❤️🤗

Also @clonexreaderbingo this fits for my square “alone”!

Bending over flimsi for long periods of time is not advisable. Fox would know this.

Not just from the bothersome brothers who are medics, like Kix, telling him to stop and take care of himself, but also from experience. Currently, he’s been bent over the same piece of flimsi for three hours alone. How long he’d been sitting there for the entire stack on his desk….he didn’t know. From the tension and ache in his back and shoulders, he had a pretty good idea.

….he hated to think about how long he’d been sitting there for all the paperwork he ever did….

…And how much more would he have to do for the rest of his life?!…..

Suddenly, a tooka jumped him from out of nowhere!

Breaking not only his musings but…

Spilling his precious, delicious, delectable piece of crap, no excuse for good quality, absolute awful caff all over his desk….and flimsi.

Fox’s heart sank. It was due tomorrow…

With a heavy sigh he stood up, bones popping and muscles protesting.

Ah great.

There was a krink in his neck too.

Now his paperwork was all messed up AND he was sore. He quickly cleaned up the mess with some rags he had around the office. He’d forgotten why they were there but he used them anyway. If he didn’t remember, then it wasn’t important.

With another sigh, he looked down at the little, adorable intruder currently purring against him. Secretly, Fox had a soft spot for these incredibly cute, fuzzy creatures, (he didn’t let it out lest he’d never hear the end of it) but not today.

Scooping up the tiny culprit, Fox headed out the door with his third sigh that minute. In one hand, he held the empty mug, in the other, the tiny fur ball increasingly becoming attached to him, not only purring but wrapping its tiny paws contently around his arm and hand.

He didn’t know where the little guy came from…it isn’t like they were allowed in the building or were easily let in. Someone must have smuggled him in.

“Whatcha got there, hey Commander?” Hound teased.

Fox’s unamused scowl would have been enough for most, but not his brothers. “Not caff, that’s what.”

Fox trotted on past the sound of Hound laughing behind him.

He growled and hefted the animal to a more comfortable position in the crook of his arm. He made his way through the halls, to where he didn’t know. He supposed he was just going to let it outside when he heard a woman call out. He saw your face light up at the sight of him holding the kitten and ran towards him.

“Ohhhhh, you found her! Thank you! I’m so sorry if she bothered you or got in your way!”

You took her from his arms, holding her up to look her in the face with an angry pout.

“Naughty girl, Zula. No running off.”

Fox tilted his head. He knew you; you were the psychiatrist for the Coruscant Guard. He liked you because you always treated them all like people and not headcases. It also didn’t hurt that he found you rather pleasing to look at. Which was a secret he kept next to his love for tookas. He’d been wanting to meet you for some time. He never had time to make his appointments with you but that freed up time for his other brothers to go. He didn’t have the guts to go up to you in person so deep down, the curse of this morning was secretly turning out to be a blessing. He liked Zula a lot better now than five minutes ago.

Now he just had to figure out what to say…

You looked up at the clone blinking blankly at you. He hadn’t said a word yet. You knew about the stoic Commander—you’d heard lots of stories about him but never met him in person yet. He refused to show up to his appointments with you. You didn’t know if it was an insecurity of his to talk about his problems or if he had a problem with you specifically. Either way, this was the first time you were ever encountering him.

“I’m so sorry. She helps my patients relax, but she’s not totally trained yet and this is the second time she’s snuck out. It only takes her one second.” You sighed. “Let me please get you something for your troubles…”

You noticed the empty caff mug, realizing what probably happened. “Oh no, let me get you a refill…I hope she didn’t ruin anything.”

“No problem ma’am. There is no need. Glad to be of assistance.”

Fox tilted his head but kept his stoic face plastered in stone.

“I can get you a refill real quick! I have my own machine…”

“It is alright. I, uh, don’t need any more for today. Don’t let her get away again though. But if she does, let me know and I’ll track her down for you.”

He inwardly cringed at how demanding he sounded, the slight growl he worked to perfection coming forward. Instead of being taken aback, you smiled, charmed.

“Sure thing, Commander. Thank you. And thank you for your offer. It was great to finally meet you. I hope I’ll be seeing you around?”

“Definitely, ma’am.” Fox titled his head respectfully again. “Have a good day.”

With that, Fox headed back to his office.

“You too, Commander! If you change your mind about the caff, I have a whole bunch, more than what is good for me so feel free to stop in!” You called after him cheerily.

Fox half turned to grace you with a small smile before turning away so you wouldn’t see him turning as red as his armor. There was no way you meant that to be friendly…probably one of your mind tricks to get him to show up for an appointment…but would that really be so bad? Fox ran over the encounter in his head again. It was so brief but his head was whirling.

If she does, let me know and I’ll track her down for you?! Really, Fox? Couldn’t think of anything better? That was real smooth…not.

He scolded himself. He knew you worked in separate worlds, but he hoped your paths would cross again, not in a professional setting that is. He found himself elated in the fact his grumpy exterior didn’t scare you away. A small smile tugged at his lips.

Kriff, why leave it to fate? Why not just set it up himself? He could do that. He was Commander for goodness sakes! And by setting it up himself, he didn’t mean to become your patient. There were other ways.

Double kriff! He didn’t ask you for your comm number!

Ugh, today was not his day.

But the tooka did wander into his room before…perhaps it would again?

Fox left the door open, hoping the mischievous tooka would find its way back to him.

— — —

Quinlan Vos’s debriefings had got to be one of the most interesting ways to debrief a debriefing. Fox rubbed his temples and headed back to his office. He liked the jedi. He was efficient and got the job done…but sometimes he was just…so….much. Goodness gracious he was glad to have him on his side but serving with him on the next mission would be…interesting. If the last mission was anything to go by, the next pile of flimsi was going to be six inches high again.

Fox might as well say goodbye to sleep for the next week right now.

He quickly shut the door behind him and leaned against it.

Fox took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. Shutting his eyes, he leaned his head back. He never allowed himself many breaks, but this would be an exception. He needed a moment.

Rubbing his eyes, a pleasant smell wafted into his space. One that he knew well. Man, Fox must be tired because he swore the scent of caf invaded his nostrils. He never refilled his caf, and if he did, it would be cold by now…no, this was warm and steaming and waaaay more rich than the swill he was used to.

Slowly, as if in a dream, he walked toward his desk, and sure enough in the center was a steaming mug of his favorite beverage. The container was unfamiliar to him so he stared at it blankly for two whole minutes wondering who left their caf on his desk. What they wanted and why they didn’t wait for him to come back or perhaps how they got in in the first place. His office was secured…

Then he noticed the little scribbled note beside it.

It was for him!

Enjoy on me! I know you said it wasn’t necessary but I wanted to do something for you. Sorry about the spill. Hope you like it! Thanks for being a hero. Zula is such a troublemaker; she needs rescuing every once and a while and I’m grateful to know that when she goes missing, I can rely on you.

The writing was yours. Of course he’d know your script anywhere—you wouldn’t have needed to sign it but he loved that you did.

Perhaps today wasn’t a total failure then. Unbeknownst to him, a small smile crept up the corners of his lips and stayed there for the rest of his shift.

— — —

A few days later, little Zula did indeed find her way back to Fox’s office. The tooka’s visits became sporadic and he worried the troublemaker would find a new favorite place. So, he started leaving little treats to lure the creature back to his office consistently just so he could return her to you. His plan worked rather well. Every day at noon, Zula would slip out of your office and find him. It was perfect because you both had lunch at noon, and not only would you not be interrupted but Fox could spare a full fifteen minutes to talk to you if he wanted. You would offer him caff most of the time, and it was heavenly. He tried not to accept it all the time so he wasn’t taking advantage of your generosity (let’s not discuss the flow chart he kept in his office of the days he accepted and didn’t just to be sure). You always smiled brightly handing him the cup, and Fox never ceased at the joy you received from giving.

He just wondered how long it would be until you’d tire of it…

— — —

Of course, you were well aware that was what he was doing. At first it was a pleasant surprise, but when you noticed a pattern of not only Fox showing up every day with your pet, but that she was leaving at the same time everyday….mouth slightly wet with saliva or covered with crumbs…..you knew. And you weren’t complaining.

You just played along with it for as long as you could. You figured you could only play dumb so long. Then again, he probably knew you were playing. Man was an investigator! Why he continued the little charade, you didn’t know. But you were fond of your guess and didn’t want to let it go. As long as there was no definitive answer, you could dream away.

You knew it wasn’t advisable; games of the heart weren’t safe to play.

But here you were. Looking forward to every visit he paid you and hoping it wouldn’t be the last. You actually got him to laugh last time. Actually laugh! You’d gotten him to chuckle on a regular basis, which you delighted in, but something rang different seeing the stoic man break down, holding his gut while tears fell from his eyes as his voice echoed in joyous waves. To be honest, you can’t even remember what you said, but you’d never forget that moment.

You stirred your caf dreamily, eyes far off and smile bright. You didn’t even notice Fox approach you.

“Hello? Tooka got your tongue?”

You looked up sharply to find Fox in front of you yet again, holding your ‘runaway’ pet. You smiled.

“Oh no, I was just thinking. Hello Commander Fox.”

Fox was glad he was wearing his helmet. The only other thing that made him blush more than his full title was when you just said his name. It felt so personal…he felt seen.

Here comes that unfamiliar feeling again. The only one he got when he was around you.

“What brings you here today? Other than the naughty girl,” you side eyed the playful creature purring against the red armor happily, “did you have any more crazy missions to report? One of the other legions playing pranks against the Guard today?” you chuckled.

“No…not today,” Fox chuckled back shyly, “there was actually something else,” he coughed, “something else I wanted to tell you…ask you!” he quickly corrected.

Grinning to the side stupidly, you encouraged him on, “Alright, go ahead.”

He let out a breath and swung his arms. “Okay.”

Seeing Fox so nervous was just too cute. You tried not to laugh and mess him up but your giddiness inside was trying desperately to make its way past your smile.

“OOOOkkkaaayy. Okay.”

“Okay,” you repeated, biting your lip. “Right.”

“No,” he looked down with a breathy laugh, “not that…”

“Then what is it?”

“I just…really need to tell you. I like you. A lot. Would you consider going out with me?”

You chuckled. “You have no idea how long I’ve ‘considered’ it. Yes!!!! What took you so long to ask?”

Something warm and unfamiliar bloomed in Fox’s chest. He didn’t know quite what it was, but that was one investigation he was looking forward to. Deep inside, something broke.

It wasn’t something he needed anyway.

It was only the feeling he was meant to be alone.

Replaced with a feeling of belonging and love.

[sillyromance]

The first meeting

A story about how Lord N. has met his wife.

I was standing alone beside the wall, sipping wine and mindlessly observing the crowd. I was tired; my head split with throbbing pain and the corset seemed to be too tight for my likings. It was embarrassing to remember how I begged my dear servant to pull the strings further; and how I couldn’t choose a dress or sleep, worried about the jewelry and make-up, the way I would act and what would I say when he addressed to me…

Nothing but meaningless efforts.

I squeezed the glass tighter as memories ran through my head at the fifth time during that evening. Just a day before I was a happily engaged young woman who was ready to marry a man of her dreams, yet now all I had become was a stupid doll like many of the “respected wives” in this noble society.

My fiancé was kissing her behind a curtain in the living room; her laugh and his playful tone interrupted by wet sound of their lips caressing each other were stuck in my ears. I found them by accident; he left after the first dance and wouldn’t show up, so I began to worry and decided to look around the house… At the first minutes rage took upon me; I stormed out of the room – they must have heard that, judging by a surprised exclamation which reached me as I was already in the hall – and ran towards my mother’s quarters, resolved to tell her everything.

However, as I was half way there, I froze. Then, slowly, walked into the ball room like a beaten dog would crawl into its cabin.

What was I hoping for? That she would confront him? Or teach me how to do that myself? Or let me break the promise? Ha. Most likely I would be just blamed for not being good enough since my future husband started sleeping around even before the wedding; or she would allow me to cry a bit, then told me to submit to my fate because “that is the way of the world”. If being honest, my father wasn’t the most loyal man, and my mother wouldn’t dare to say anything about it despite keeping a posture of the leader in our family. My call for protection wouldn’t lead to anything.

Meanwhile, I still had to keep the posture of a “perfect” bride…

And that I did, smiling and bowing to the guests until my cheeks and back hurt as much as my broken heart.

Lost in thoughts, I failed to notice as a figure separated itself from the colorful blur and started moving towards me. I became aware of it only when the person was just a few steps away and there was no chance to leave… which I definitely should have done.

That face couldn’t be confused with any other. A man of a great height and impressive complexion with steel-blue eyes and fair hair, a man who would be a downfall of countless women if not a terrifying fame chasing him wherever he would go – the prime minister, lord N.

Gossips, one worse than another, claimed he belonged to those… monsters, man-eaters swallowing people whole. Many pretty ladies and promising youths had been missing since that person took his position, and the fact that no bodies were found only convinced the rest that those stories had some truth in them. Lord N’s distant and sullen demeanor didn’t help much in disproving the point as well.

I sensed my breath stuck in my throat as he finally came close and loomed over me. I swear to God, I had never felt myself that small before.

-Why is such a charming young miss standing here alone? Isn’t she the reason of this glorious celebration? – His low, rich voice sent shivers down my spine while his gaze burnt my quivering soul.

Unable to bare it, I tilted my head down.

-The ball is magnificent indeed, sir. Yet, dancing made me dizzy and I had to rest a little.

-Oh? But I didn’t see you dancing much, miss.

His note made my blood run cold. Was he watching me all evening?..

-In any case… I’ve been thinking to have a break myself. Would you be so kind to accompany me?

Lord N offered me his elbow.

Well, he was about to drag me away from sight... Splendid. I helplessly eyed the room before me, but either everyone was too busy to see my misfortune, or no one wanted to cross the path of the first man in the country after the king. They didn’t even look here, as if I suddenly stopped existing.

So, that was how it had to end – I would be stolen and vanish without a trace in a house full of silent witnesses.  My life was ruined for good. Glimpses of hope I had been saving in me crumbled; hesitantly, I met his gaze again, and it was clear for me that my doom was sealed.

In dismay, I accepted his invitation.

We left the ball room, went along some corridors and found ourselves in the farthest part of the house – in front of the stairs to an old tower which only inhabitant was our maid who undoubtedly was serving the guests at that moment. My companion held me firmly, yet with care which I couldn’t help but note as a person who gets bruised quite easily. I let the minister lead me upwards to the maid’s room where I was gently pushed. The next thing I heard was a clang of the lock.

I had no opportunity for an escape.

With each passing second I grew calmer. Panicking, screaming or begging wouldn’t do me any favor – I could read it in my captor’s stoic features and his unblinking, piercing stare. Therefore, I thought waiting for inevitable would be the best thing to do. I had already been at peace with my death, and so I obediently lowered my body down on the couch and sat still, peering blankly at the floor.

-I believe, the rumors were true. – I stated quietly. – You’re what they say. And you’re going to eat me too.

The man settled beside me, not close enough to cause me discomfort, yet at the distance which made it easy to hold me in place if I tried to flee.

-It will depend on what you’ll say to me, miss.

His manner of speaking was simple and oddly welcoming. I liked that N didn’t try to deny his intentions – even being a monster, he stayed an honest man which made things much better. At least, for me.

-I’ll repeat my early question: why were you alone? Where was your fiancé and why didn’t he protect you?

I chuckled dryly.

-He had other things to keep him occupied. In brief… He cheated on me. And I saw it. I’m almost certain he is with her right now.

Once those words fell from my mouth, hot tears at last foamed my vision. Something broke inside of me; I crooked, hugging myself, unable to hold back sobs. Thankfully, the lord gallantly handed me a napkin or I would lose even that least I saved from my honor. He didn’t interrupt me as I cried my emotions out. He was cold, yet attentive, which was exactly what I needed.

The more time I spent with that man, the larger my gratitude grew for him.

However, I had to regain control of myself. Putting all my will into it, I stopped tearing down, wiped my face clean and bravely looked the man right in the eyes.

-You know… If you really wanted to do it… Please, do.

He raised a brow.

-I’m not kidding. I don’t know what to do else… My fiancé doesn’t want me; my family cares about giving me away more than about my happiness, and there is no one in the world who can help me, except you. You need my body to sustain yourself, sir – and that’s not something I can blame you for; your hunger doesn’t lie. I’m fed up with lies. I want something true for once.

Lord N carefully observed me for good five minutes, I guess, checking me for any sign of insincerity. Yet, there wasn’t any. He was wise to understand it.

His arms wrapped me in a comforting embrace; lord N leaned closer, his huge frame enveloping me in its soft warmth.

-That young man did a great mistake insulting such a nice maiden as you are, miss; I can assure you, he will regret his actions soon enough. As for your wish… - He paused; tensed up, I awaited for the verdict, afraid to be denied. – I will help you.

My shoulders relaxed. I blew out a sigh of relief, melting into him willingly.

-Thank you, sir. – I whispered.

He assisted me as I took my dress off. In less than ten minutes I stood before him wearing only my long sleep shirt. I shyly clung on it as any virgin before an adult man would, not being sure if it would stand in his way. But as I made a gesture to get rid of it as well, lord N put a hand on my shoulder.

-Don’t. No need in that.

His gaze now was sympathetic, almost kind.

-Will it… hurt?

The prime minister shook his head negatively.

-It will be nothing but soft and warm. You will travel there in one piece and fall asleep; if it makes things easier for you, imagine yourself in a bed of cushions once you there.

I smiled.

-How can I thank you for your mercy?

For the first time during our conversation I saw a weak shadow of a smirk touching his thin lips.

-Well, if you call it that, miss. There is nothing more you can give me since you already present me everything you have. And, actually… It’s me who should thank you.

Like a light feather, I was effortlessly lifted up and laid back on the couch, the man gazing at me from above. His rough fingers cupped my cheek subtly.

-I will be gentle. Worry not, I promise to take good care of you.

With that, he planted a soft kiss on my forehead, and before I could reply, my world turned into humid, pulsing void…

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I shut my jaws and straightened up.

Her small, childish fit slipped past my collarbone and joined her inside my stomach. Such a petite, miniscule young lady she was – just a slight curve on my waist, hidden from the world by layers of flesh and expensive fabric. Her weight appeared to be so imperceptible, I barely could feel it. Would anyone notice? I doubted that. At the sight of this my pity for her almost forced me to cry just as she did a few minutes ago, though I had never been sensitive. She squirmed a little, getting comfortable – it must have been tight and cramped in there, but I couldn’t get loose just yet and only waited patiently so she could settle in as conveniently as it was possible. Then, movements died, she went still – all I felt was her heart racing and shaky, tiny breath.

It was the first time in my life someone asked me to eat them. All my previous preys cried, or threatened me, or attempted to bargain their lives back, and only that little girl went with this as if there wasn’t anything more right and natural. She must have been truly done with her existence… Yet, at such a young age?

I heard a silent whimper from within; she was scared. Well, who wouldn’t be? She thought she was to die after all. My hand reached her tiny frame curled up beneath my skin, lingering on the place where her head had to be. Poor thing…

-Shshsh… It’s OK, it’s over now… All your worries, your pain… Nothing will hurt you from now on. Sleep, let it go... I’m here if you need me. I’m here…

I rocked her stiffened back until her breath would deepen again and her frantic heartbeat slowed. Good. She needed to rest after such a difficult day…

No matter how loudly my stomach whined at me to start digestion, I denied it this privilege. Unlike many people I had devoured, my last unlucky victim didn’t deserve to be treated as food. I didn’t protest at her request only because I saw how desperately she needed a protector. No one would harm her inside my body – which would be holding her cautiously and gently like china.

One last time I lovingly traced her up and down her spine – even now I could make out small spikes on it. Heavens, do they starve those young girls intentionally?.. As I was sure she had dived deeply into sleep, I left the room and returned back to the audience.

Everything seemed to be just as we abandoned it. The evening was experiencing its apogee despite the main treasure’s disappearance; an exhale of disappointment escaped me. Neither of these fat, dirty, bashful cowards stepped in and defended her when they could; they were worrying too much about their own health and reputation, ready to sacrifice an innocent lamb to continue their predatory lives of parasites. Each of them looked away, frightened and ashamed, if I kept my eyes on them back then. As if you wouldn’t, bastards.

In a recent future they would see their downfall, I swore on this with my whole heart.

Yet, I didn’t see the one I was looking for.

It wasn’t much work to make my way through the crowd. Pleasantly surprised with fresh air washing my lungs I went down a long dark corridor. A passionate couple disturbed by my presence swiftly retreated into one of the rooms. Just a nuisance.

My acquaintance’s family owned a remarkable place to say the least. It was a big baroque house built with some personal additions of the family; two floors held many rooms of any décor and sizes, but what my wild nature adored the most was plenty of bushy plants and dark corners to lurk in. I had always been a predator which rather hid and struk than chased.

I glanced in some of the places; old gentlemen playing cards, a dining room, a cabinet with snobs smoking cigars and discussing some nonsense… Aha.

There he was – a would-be groom, a boy with a sugary face and watery eyes walking back and forth in visible distress while his lover spread her succulent body on the sofa, opal-glowing skin looking transparent in uneven light of chandelier candles. An imprint of sin and carelessness was obvious on her face like black ink on white paper.

She would make an excellent replacement to my current meal. And I wouldn’t feel a single pang of guilt if she did.

-Why are you worrying so much, honey? – Her lazy, immodest tone reminded me of a snake.

-What if she tells somebody? Her parents, friends! I don’t know… You’re aware of my current struggles – I don’t have anything but a name! If I miss this opportunity, soon I’ll be poor as a chimney boy and kicked out of the houses like this one!

-I don’t think such a clumsy, dull creature can have powerful friends. And speaking of her relatives, they don’t care! She can lament all she wants, you’ll be her husband, and we will thrive spending her money!..

The girl laughed. The boy stooped pacing and exhaled.

-I wish you were right, if only…

-Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

They both immediately turned to the door as I stepped in. Annoyance on their faces was rapidly transforming into concern, then – pure terror.

-I’m awfully sorry to interrupt you… But miss, I’d like to have some words with your friend. In private.

She was about to protest when I gave her a look which made her quickly shut her mouth and leave. Once rustling of her skirt quieted in the hall, I ordered the boy to sit while still remaining on the spot between him and the exit.

-W-what d-do you w-want f-from me, sir? – He muttered, wide-eyed.

-I was passing by and heard some of your conversation with that lady. I’m afraid I have to upset you, sir – your wedding is to be cancelled.

Fear on the boy’s face mixed with confusion… And even irritation. He might have been in a serious trouble indeed if he was preparing to argue…

-May I know why, sir? Is it against the law to marry any woman of my circle I find suitable?

Hm. That kid decided to play an adult. Very well then.

-No, of course not. Yet I don’t think you want to look funny doing so since the lady you’re referring to does no longer live.

My interlocutor went pale like a ghost. I watched with pride as he squeezed arms of his chair so hard that his knuckles cracked audibly.

-What did you do to her?.. – He mumbled in a gravely tone.

I slowly lifted my hand and pressed it against my stomach which played along with my aim and rumbled expressively.

The boy jumped from the seat as if he was splashed a bowl of hot water on his head. His horrified expression was quite amusing.

-Wha… No. No! Let her out! You!...

-Silence.

His throat flexed. I was admiring the view, being on the edge of going crazy at the smell of his fear. Such a pathetic, helpless frog he was… A disgusting example of what humans our dear society produced. And my pure, brilliant little lady dreaming peacefully beneath my heart could have bounded her life with that puny mess… King had always been right: my service was in great need now more than ever.

-Don’t forget who are you talking to, son, or you might not come home alive tonight. Besides… It is long past the point when I could still release her. My body works fast. And takes everything it can.

As I was saying this, the distance between him and me was shortening. When the last words rolled from my tongue, I was towering over him; the boy shrunk, shielding from me with his hands and puling like a puppy. I was glad my new protégé was spared from a questionable pleasure to witness that.

-P-please, m-my lord… P-please, d-don’t k-kill m-me…

-I won’t. Yet. I’m full for now. But I want something different from you…

I bended over – careful not to jostle my passenger around – took the boy by the collar of his jacked and lifted him up so his frozen stare was just a few inches away.

-Now you will go to the guests. Confess your cheating. And, without telling them what you’ve just learnt, announce that your engagement is broken because she is too good to be with someone like you. Is that clear?

His white lips slightly twitched.

-I can’t hear you.

-Y-yes, sir.

-Perfect.

I loosened the grasp; one moment it looked like he would collapse on the floor, unconscious.  However, my expectation weren’t met: once it fully processed that it was gifted with freedom, the parody for a man literally dissociated.

His footsteps’ echo died before I could blink.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

[hardbeingcasual]

father figure Joel

THE EXIT, joel x daughter reader.

“Feels like we had matching wounds,

but mines still black and bruised.”

SUMMARY: Your father seems to shut you out ever since Sarah died, until you suddenly get hurt he realises his mistake.

WARNINGS: death & mentions, grief, fatherly issues, a lot of angst, sadness, sad joel (he deserves a break) probs cringe and goofy but oh well

notes: i apologise if this isn’t really like the tlou plot (timeline wise) but it is my fanfic sooooo

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THE START

During the crash you had been trapped with your uncle, leaving Sarah and your father stranded. You ran with your arm looped in your uncles, not letting go until you were told so, you both find your way to where your father and sister was, but it wasn’t so great, your uncle Tommy had just shot the soldier man who was trying to shoot at your father and Sarah. Your uncle mutters your dad’s name, his eyes following where Sarah’s body was, she was all bloody as she held onto her wound, in a way to try stop the bleeding. You notice where he was looking, your eyes going wide as a sob leaves your throat, your legs felt like jelly and your throat filled with bile.

You try to run forward to comfort your sister but you felt arms wrap around you to stop you, “No!” You shout as you claw at your uncle’s arms. You cry out as you hear your father repeat Sarah’s name but she didn’t give no response.

You felt an overload of grief as your uncle Tommy holds you back from going over to where your father was, clutching your sisters body close to him as he cries out to her, muttering her name every there and then. You didn’t know what to do. So you cried into your uncle’s chest as your tears soaked his shirt but he didn’t care, you were his niece and he’d do anything to make sure you were okay, considering what had just happened to Sarah. He would not let you go, he just hopes Joel would be the same.

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FOUR YEARS LATER

You didn’t know anything that was going on around you, you didn’t even manage to care. You only thought about her. Sarah. You thought about her everyday. It still hurt, like hell. You still couldn’t grasp the fact she was gone, that you would never see her again, you’d never see her smile that probably had a spark that always made your mornings bright even if you were having a rough morning. You’d even miss her eggs in the morning, even if they had shells in them.

You’d do anything to hear her laugh again, her voice. The way her laughter bounced off the walls in the small house you all had lived in

As you were clutching your bloody abdomen as voices shout around you, but you were in a daze. You stared above you, you swore you saw your younger sister above you, “Sarah?” You mumble, but as the figure got closer your blurred eyes became more clearer and it turned out to be your father.

The father that hasn’t said a word to you in four years.

You’d stumble across him in the QZ but he’d ignore you and walk right past you, which hurt but you knew why, he couldn’t look at you or he’d see Sarah.

Every time you see him and when he ghosts you, you feel the bile and regret gnaw at your throat, like it was infected. You knew you had failed as a sister those four years ago. You had to swallow down your pity and just go on with your life. Thats how the world worked these day.

“Y/N?” His raspy voice says from the position next to you, he holds you, for the first time in years. He had heard about the news, that someone had been shanked, simply because they had more ration. cards, he had went to see himself, to see what was going on, but when he saw your bloody body on the ground, he felt lost. He felt like he was taken back to that night.

Joel, who was now clutching your wound as he whispers sweet nothings to you as you slip in and out of consciousness, “Y/N, you have to stay with me, okay?” He rushes out as his hands are now covered in crimson, his tears ready to shatter as he notices your state.

“Dad?” Your weak voice goes through one year to the other, Joel nodding as he shouts for someone to help you, but no one seems to cwre about the dying teenager on the floor. Simply having better duties to attend to.

“Yes, it’s me, please you have to stay with me, okay, keep your eyes open and focus on your breathing.”

“I can’t,” You now start to panic, “I’m sorry, it’s my fault.” You mutter as you feel your eyes becoming drowsy.

“No, don’t apologise, it’s my fault for ignoring you all those years.” He felt sick to his stomach as he felt a wave of deja vu overcome him.

“No— Sarah.” Was all you managed to get out your chapped lips as your eyes start to shut, your hand that was on his face slowly starting to fall as it lands next to your side.

Joel feels himself starting yo hyperventilate, he clutches your unmoving body, like he done to Sarah, “No, Y/N, please, you have to get up, okay? I can’t lose you too.” He knew people were staring, but he didn’t seem to care, as he just lost another daughter, he felt as if he had failed as a parent.

He was meant to take care of you and Sarah, his main priority as a father and a single parent, but he had failed both of you.

tags @zndayacc @txelanneteyam (lmk if you want added)

[ineedhaikyu]

Precious Memories- Bokuto x fem! Reader

~

Summary: As another school year came to an end, (Y/N) reminisces the moment where she became best friends with Bokuto and how he opened her eyes to the world of volleyball.

Word Count: 3.9K

Warnings: SO MUCH FLUFF!! I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF LOL

A/N: My first Haikyu x reader fic. I’m an Asahi girl but my sister practically begged for this. She loves Bokuto so much so I decided why not. Hope you enjoy reading! Gif belongs to @reallysaltykou​ 

​~

“(Y/N)-CHAN!” Bokuto’s happy-go-lucky voice echoed in the gym as he ran up to her. The volleyball-loving boy wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. “We finished our second year! Isn’t that great?”

Leave it to her best friend Bokuto to put a smile on her face. He was always a beam of positivity ever since they were first years. She couldn’t believe that two years had passed by already.

(Y/N) hugged Bokuto back and laughed when he twirled her around in his arms. “It is. I can’t believe we’re going to be in our third year! Oh, by the way, did you get your yearbook?”

“Yep! A lot of people signed it but I made sure to save a spot for my best friend. You guys did a great job! This yearbook is so awesome!”

The girl smiled. “Glad you liked it, Kotaro, but you and the volleyball team made it awesome. You guys made it to Nationals after all. It’s why I was able to convince the yearbook editor to let me add a couple of extra pages to show the team’s success in making it to Nationals.”

“Really?! No wonder! You’re so awesome!” Bokuto looked over his shoulder. “Hey, Akaashi! Look! (Y/N) is here!”

Akaashi Keiji. A first-year (now going into his second year) that made up their little trio. Though he was a year younger than her and Bokuto, the calm and composed setter easily found his rhythm in the group.

Because before he came, no one on the volleyball team was able to keep up with Bokuto’s energy and as a result the silver-haired male would often beg her to make sets. At first, (Y/N) refused but when she saw his ‘emo mode’ coming she crumbled at the sight.

So she was forever grateful that someone like Akaashi came into her and Bokuto’s lives. At the very least she can count on Akaashi to be there for Bokuto. He already has the hang of dealing with Bokuto’s mood swings and mentally compiling a list of the ace’s weaknesses.

“Hello (Y/N)-senpai.” The setter greeted her.

“Akaashi, how are you? Bokuto isn’t pushing you too hard, is he?”

“(Y/N)!” Bokuto squawked. “I would never!”

Akaashi couldn’t help but smirk a little. “I’m doing well, thank you. Also congratulations on finishing your second year.”

“Ah, thanks and congrats on being a first-year in Nationals. I made sure to mention that fact in the yearbook.”

“Really?” The setter didn’t have the time to review the yearbook so this took him by surprise. “You didn’t have to.”

(Y/N) shook her head. “Of course I do. Your skills were amazing. Aren’t they, Bokuto?”

Bokuto nodded. “Your sets are the best, Akaashi. My spikes were so easy to make! The other team didn’t have a chance!”

“See?” She brought her yearbook out and showed him the page dedicated to the boys volleyball team. “I made sure to get good shots of you and Bokuto together.”

After signing each other’s yearbook, the boys continued to look at the yearbook and offered their praises. While she accepted their compliments with a smile, (Y/N) couldn’t help but recall the time she first met the ace for the first time.

Flashback

Freshly enrolled at Fukurodani Academy, a first-year (Y/N) immediately applied to become a member of the photography club from which she learned that members of the photography club are also in charge of the yearbook. It wasn’t long when the yearbook editor gave her first assignment:

Shadowing the Fukurodani’s Boys Volleyball Team.

At the time, (Y/N) didn’t realize how desirable her spot was until many of her senpais offered their congratulations and her fellow classmates expressed how ‘lucky’ she was to get this assignment. Why was she ‘lucky’? Obviously, she played the sport back in middle school as part of PE class. She knew the basics. So why? What was so special about volleyball? It was just a game.

That all changed when (Y/N) went to her first official game. Never had she clicked the shutter button so many times before. She lost count on the amount of times she went from anxious to excited throughout the three sets against another Tokyo powerhouse school. Of course, she wanted her school to win. She had pride after all.

It wasn’t until her hopes of winning were dashed when a third-year regular injured himself at the final set. Oh well… Better luck next time. She focused her camera lens on the person who was subbing in. She didn’t have to look at the roster to recognize him.

Bokuto Kotaro

He was a first-year just like her, not in the same class as her but she had to be completely oblivious to the loud, overly friendly, and playful guy who can go from happy one minute to a sad boy in the next.

(Y/N) zoomed her camera to focus on him and she was taken aback by the lack of nervousness on his face. Instead, his golden eyes shined with excitement with a wide smile to match.

For some reason she couldn’t explain, (Y/N) decided this next shot was the one. No, that’s not right. She knew why. The momentum, the atmosphere, the tension, the hunger for victory… Everything was riding on Bokuto to make the point to secure their win.

She had to capture this moment!

At the sound of the whistle, (Y/N) wasted no time in pressing the shutter button repeatedly, hoping that one of these photos could work. With one last click from her camera, she watched the course of the volleyball with new found anticipation.

She squeezed her camera as the opponent pulled off a shaky receive. She bit her lip as the other team’s setter set the ball for their team’s ace. She refrained herself from letting out an excited squeal when Fukurodani was able to soft block it.

From the middle blocker’s block, the libero pulled off a receive. From the libero’s receive, the setter was able to set.

“LEFT! LEFT!”

By muscle memory, (Y/N) brought her camera into the perfect position just in time to capture this moment. Her finger pressed the shutter button at the same time Bokuto’s hand slammed the ball with brute force. The volleyball bounced off the hardwood floor of the gym before soaring into the audience. For about five seconds, the gym was void of any sound until-

“ALRIGHT!” Bokuto raised both of his fists into the air. His smile was even wider than before. “HEY! HEY! HEY!”

The audience cheered with him. The sounds of applause and whistles filled the air along with the praises from the Fukurodani players directed to the person who secured victory.

With one last click of her camera, (Y/N) smiled at the scene before her. Bokuto looked so happy amongst his teammates. It wasn’t until a gentle nudge on her arm brought her out of her trance. (Y/N) looked up to see her senpai that accompanied her to the match.

The older girl held out a tissue. “You're crying, (Y/N)-san.”

“I am?” True enough, there were tears slowly escaping from the corner of her eyes. How long were those tears there? How did she not notice? A bit embarrassed, (Y/N) accepted the tissue. “Thank you senpai.”

“How do you like volleyball now?” The third-year asked her underclassman, knowing she wasn’t a huge fan of the sport. “Any change of opinion?”

(Y/N) fiddled with her camera’s neck strap. She took a quick peek at Fukurodani’s players, specifically Bokuto, before answering, “I think…”

The upperclassman strained her ears to hear the shy girl’s answer.

(Y/N) smiled genuinely. “I think I can get into it.”

The glint in her (E/C) showed determination only strengthened her answer and honestly it was a relief for the older girl. She can pass on the torch into (Y/N)’s hands knowing the girl will do her best to capture these moments. The senpai smiled down at her kohai. She remembered the first time going to a volleyball match. She’ll never forget this feeling and she hoped that (Y/N) wouldn’t either. This was her last year documenting the volleyball team, but it was only the beginning for (Y/N).

“Remember this, (Y/N)-san.”

“Yes, senpai?”

“Never let these moments be forgotten because one day these photographs may become something precious to someone.”

“Hai.”

“Alright. Let’s go. I’ll treat you to some ramen!”

As they were leaving the gym, (Y/N) inspected all of her pictures and stopped at a particular one. It was of Bokuto during his jump serve. She smiled once more as she replayed the memory.

Maybe volleyball wasn’t just a game. Maybe she was lucky after all.

~

The next day was a normal school day at Fukurodani Academy. It was lunch time and (Y/N) was waiting for a certain silver-haired individual to be left alone. However, that wasn’t going to be the case. Ever since he scored the winning point, his popularity soared to greater heights and as a result he was surrounded by his friends and new admirers.

(Y/N) held her portfolio folder tighter. She printed the pictures from yesterday’s game and she thought it was only right for Bokuto to see them before anyone else. Obviously, in private. She would be so embarrassed if everyone saw her photos at once… Which, of course, didn’t make sense. Photos are meant to be looked at. She was just not confident enough. What if he didn’t like them? What if he calls her photos trash? Oh, god. What if he doesn’t like having his picture take-

“Hey, hey, hey! You’re the camera girl, right?”

The girl jumped when she saw the Kotaro Bokuto right next to her. His gray blazer was unbuttoned, his white collared shirt was completely untucked, and his blue/white striped tie was loosely tied. (Y/N) wondered if this was intentional or if he just didn’t care about the school’s dress code. She could only imagine the former.

“Oh, um, yeah. I'm camera girl?” She bowed and introduced herself. “My name is (L/N) (Y/N). I’m in Class 1-5. It’s nice to meet you.”

Bokuto could mentally hear his mother and older sisters telling him that he has to act properly with a girl. “Bokuto Kotaro. Nice to meet you too, (L/N)-chan. So did you get some great shots yesterday?”

“I did,” (Y/N) caressed her folder with her thumb and softly smiled as she felt excitement course through her veins. “I never thought volleyball could get so exciting.”

This of course brought the boy’s attention. “Are you serious?!”

(Y/N) faltered a bit at his sudden loudness. She wasn’t used to his extrovert personality and the proof was evident when everyone in the hallway carried on as normal, ignoring the two first-years.

“Please tell me that it was your first time watching a volleyball match!”

“Uh… No?” (Y/N) averted her gaze to the ground. “I’ve seen volleyball on TV but it never really caught my interest. I usually change the channel when it’s on. Never really liked it during middle school either…”

It was as if each word that came out of her mouth was a dagger and each dagger was perfectly aimed at his heart. He could feel his hair deflate as he pouted deeper and deeper. He wanted to cry. Hide in a small, dark area where no one would find him and cry.

(Y/N) looked back at the boy in front of her and she could feel her heart fall from her chest to her stomach. This must be Bokuto’s ‘emo mode’ she heard so much about.

“B-Bokuto-san? Please don’t be sad.”

“I can’t,” His voice sounded so hollow and his eyes lost their shine. “What you just said was the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Not wanting to create a scene, (Y/N)’s mind raced to find a solution. “I have some grilled meat left from my bento, you can have it if you want-”

Bokuto visibly perked up at the girl’s offer. “Grilled meat? My favorite!”

~

“So,” Bokuto finished eating the last piece of delicious grilled meat and stared at the girl in front of him. They opted to sit in her classroom where it was less occupied. “Why do you hate volleyball?”

“Huh?” (Y/N) furrowed her brows at his question. “I never said I hated it.”

“But you did!”

She was sure -100% positive- that she never used the word hate and she was just about to point it out when a thought popped into her mind. What if -for Bokuto- the words ‘hate’ and ‘never liked’ meant the same thing to him? So does that mean her ‘normal’ and his ‘normal’ were completely different? Most likely.

“You know maybe that’s for the best.”

“Huh?” Bokuto tilted his head in confusion.

(Y/N) swallowed nervously before placing her portfolio folder on the desk in front of Bokuto. This was it. He’s going to see her work for the first time. With a bit of courage, (Y/N) opened up both literally (as she opened her folder) and figuratively (as this was the start of her friendship with the extrovert).

“I didn’t understand what the hype over volleyball was all about.” Bokuto opened his mouth, ready to defend his beloved sport so (Y/N) quickly continued, “But you changed that.”

“I have?”

(Y/N) nodded excitedly and flipped the pages of her portfolio before stopping at the one picture of the boy himself successfully completing a jump serve.

“Is that…” Bokuto couldn’t even finish his sentence. He was rendered speechless by the image.

“That was the moment,” (Y/N) gazed at the image with such admiration that she no longer felt nervous about sharing her work. “You helped me realize that volleyball isn’t just a game but a battle on the court. The momentum was crazy!”

Bokuto grinned at her words. “I know, right?! What did you think about my serve?”

No longer feeling shy, (Y/N) scooted to the edge of her seat. The smile on her face could match Bokuto’s. “That was amazing! I thought it was game over when your teammate injured himself but you came in and…and… I don’t know. Breathed new life into the game, I guess. It’s hard to explain-”

“No, no, no. I know exactly what you're talking about. It’s the best thing about volleyball. Anything can happen in a split second. When I was subbed in, I felt all eyes on me.”

“Weren’t you nervous?”

“Of course not! It was my chance to prove to everyone I’m here. That’s what Coach Yamiji told me. He told me I was the team’s secret weapon and the other team never expected me to be so awesome. Now, I have a chance to be in the starting line-up in the next match!” Bokuto looked back at the picture of himself, his heart beating rapidly with happiness. “I want to become the best ace this school has ever had!”

(Y/N) felt goosebumps on her skin at Bokuto’s declaration. Was this what confidence does to a person? Could she ever gain such confidence in her skills like Bokuto is with volleyball?

“This is an awesome picture! And this one! That one, too!” Bokuto’s grin never faltered as he flipped through her portfolio. “Wow, you even got me spiking the winning point! You’re amazing!”

Her (E/C) eyes filled with hope. “Y-You like them?”

“Like them? I LOVE THEM!” Bokuto’s confession could be heard from the hallway, causing some students to peer into the classroom. “I’ve never had my picture professionally taken before.”

“P-Professional?” (Y/N) could feel the heat rise from her neck to her face. “Th-They’re not that good, Bokuto-san. I still have a lot to learn.”

Bokuto wasn’t having it. “What are you talking about? These are great! Be more confident in yourself, (L/N)-chan.”

(Y/N) watched as he continued to marvel at her work and she couldn’t help the warm feeling of pride blossom within her. While Bokuto insisted her pictures were top-tier, (Y/N) knew that there was more she had to learn, but for now, she’ll take Bokuto’s words to heart.

“Alright. Then please call me by my first name.” She extended her hand towards him. “I look forward to working with you, future ace. I can’t wait for what you do next.”

Bokuto grinned at her confidence. With both hands, the male shook the girl’s entire arm. “I’ll do my best, (Y/N)-chan. Just you watch. When I become the ace, you're going to be in love with volleyball and it will be thanks to me! Bokuto Kotaro! Hey! Hey! Hey!”

The girl laughed. “When you become the ace, my camera and I will be there.”

Bokuto beamed once more. “Call me Kotaro. I have a feeling we’re going to be best friends.”

“I think so too!”

End of Flashback

(Y/N) chuckled softly at her core memory. Bokuto has kept his word ever since then and in return she has as well. Countless memories were shared between them and even more when Akaashi joined the group.

She was there to celebrate every win. She was there to mourn every loss but during those rare moments (Y/N) has watched Bokuto pick himself up and continue to play his heart out in the next match.

Of course, along the way, (Y/N) has met with other great people from other schools. She never thought she would get the chance to meet the people that make up a powerhouse team. There was Kuroo from Nekoma, Ushijima and Tendo from Shiratorizawa, and even Sakusa from Itachiyama. Along with the rest of their respective teams, it was no wonder they were contenders in the Spring Tournament.

But for some reason, the silver-haired boy was just an inch above the rest. Biased or not, it was Bokuto that introduced her to volleyball and (Y/N) would always be grateful for that.

“I can’t wait for next year!” Bokuto’s loud voice brought her back to reality. “It’s going to be so awesome!” With one hand over her shoulder and the other over Akaashi’s, “Let’s practice my cross shots!”

Both her and Akaashi looked at each other and laughed. Bokuto tilted his head to one side, confused as to why his best friends were laughing. Nonetheless, he laughed with them too.

“Alright,” (Y/N) smiled at her friends. “But first let’s take a picture.”

As (Y/N) took out her phone and Bokuto marveled at the various filters and stickers, Akaashi took a moment to analyze. He knew his seniors were close but he always wondered if there was a possibility that the two could be something more than just friends. And he wasn’t the only one who thought that either -the volleyball team, the managers, even the coaches- all watched from the sidelines whenever Bokuto and (Y/N) interacted with one another, hoping to see a confession.

It was the classic best friends-falling-for-another-but-they’re-both-oblivious scenario and everyone wants to know the ending. They’ve seen how the two of you are to each other. There were so many example to choose from, such as:

If there was an upcoming math test, (Y/N) would give out her notes to help Bokuto out. She would even spend the night at his place to make sure the lessons stuck, making a great impression on his family at the same time.

Bokuto would gladly volunteer to be (Y/N)’s muse in any of her projects, no matter the project’s purpose. As mentioned before, (Y/N) would help set the ball for the ace but she would put her foot down if HOURS have gone by, stating that resting is just as important. She would later treat Bokuto to his favorite meal afterwards.

Before Akaashi, (Y/N) was the only person to bring Bokuto out of his ‘emo mode’. The team knew this early on.

Washio, Sarukai, Konoha, Komi, etc.: Come on Bokuto. It was just a practice match. Don’t beat yourself up.

Bokuto: *pouts and hugs his knees tighter as he hides between the gym mats* I can’t. I was terrible.

Managers: We need (Y/N).

Coach: Someone go get (Y/N)!

Ten minutes later, ✨(Y/N) the savior✨ arrived.

(Y/N): Kotaro, please don’t be sad. It’s called a practice match for a reason. Please don’t beat yourself up. I know you. This isn’t going to stop you from becoming a great ace. We all believe in you.

Bokuto: *visibly perks up, eyes bright, and smiling brightly* You’re right! I will be a great ace. Hey, hey, hey!

And just like that, Bokuto was back to normal.

Washio, Sarukai, Konoha, Komi, etc.: We said the same thing and now he gets hyped up. What’s up with that?

Managers: Don’t question it. It’s different when he hears it from (Y/N).

After that, it was declared that (Y/N) was a member of the volleyball team. Position: Hype-woman.

Bokuto met her parents on an unplanned visit. Her parents were wary of him at first but that soon changed when they noticed how their usual reserved daughter grew more confident. From then on, they welcomed Bokuto.

Every away game the team has to take a bus and surprise surprise Bokuto claimed the seat next to (Y/N). The two of them would play games, tell childhood stories, take silly pictures or just share funny memes on social media. It’s late on the way back home. No one had any trouble sleeping. Akaashi was the first to wake up when the bus finally arrived at its destination. He was just about to wake everyone when he saw a rare sight: a sleeping Bokuto and (Y/N). Her head on his shoulder with his jacket covering her body while Bokuto’s head rested on her own. Akaashi quietly took out his phone and took a picture. And while the jacket covered (Y/N) like a blanket, Akaashi had a sneaking suspicion that the two were holding hands as they slept.

Akaashi would save the picture until he finds the right moment to share it -either graduation or whenever the two finally become a couple. He hoped for the latter.

When the team made it to Nationals, after hugging his team with pride, Bokuto immediately looked for (Y/N) amongst the various photographers in the gym. He easily found her and ran up to her with great speed before hugging her tightly. Neither one of them noticed how the cheers from the Fukurodani audience section grew louder.

“Akaashi!” (Y/N) waved him over, her phone in her hand. “Come on, we’re waiting for you!”

“Ah, sorry.”

“What were you thinking about Akaashi?” Bokuto asked.

“Oh, just some memories.”

(Y/N) gave him an understanding smile. At the same time, the words of her senpai from two years ago ran once more in her mind. “Never let these moments be forgotten because one day these photographs may become something precious to someone.”

“Well, let’s capture this memory while we can.”

“Oh! Let me take the picture. Please, (Y/N)? I won’t disappoint you.”

“You could never disappoint me, Bokuto.”

Bokuto felt his heart skip a beat at her words. Was he getting warm? He felt warm. Oh, he was in the gym. That’s the only reason, right?

With (Y/N) in between the volleyball players, she brought her arms over each of their shoulders. “Ok, smile everybody! Nationals on three! One…”

Akaashi made a peace sign with his hand. Mentally, he prayed to any god up there. That next year was the year a confession will happen. “Two…”

“Three!”

“NATIONALS!”

~

And that’s a wrap! Let me know what you think! Next fic will definitely be about the ace-with-the-glass-heart Asahi!!!!

[yubellia]

Nobody needs a Snow White remake. Snow is already a strong protagonist

Yes. I just said that. And I mean it. You can‘t believe how the actress that plays Snow White is getting on my nerves. „She won‘t be saved by a prince.“ „it’s not about ‚one day my prince will come‘.“ and NO! This is not about her skin color! That discussion is so annoying anyway. This is about her talking nonsense! Nothing more!

Seriously, I know it sounds like I am looking down on that girl. Yes, girl. She is just 23. And I know she probably doesn’t have that much control over anything there. But all I see is a kid, that thinks she is super smart and smug because she has it figured out and isn’t realizing that she knows nothing.

Like, excuse me?! Did she even watch the original movie? Did the team behind this movie watch the original?!

Let’s take a look because if you do, you see that snow is not a damsel and indeed very strong in the context of her circumstances! Everything they claim Snow White lags, she already has. You just have to look and actually want to see it!

——————————————————

The first scene with snow is after the queen learns about her not being the fairest anymore. Snow is forced to work as a maid wearing rags pretty much. Is she complaining or whining? No. She puts on a smile and sings a song about how things will get better. She get to know the prince, the queen is jealous and orders the huntsman to kill her.

One of the things people complain about is that snow is too passive. Too nice. Sorry but that is her greatest strength.

It’s her kindness that made the huntsman spare her life. What made the dwarves take her in. After she runs away, she breaks down crying in the forest before the animals help her. She sings a song and NEVER cries again in the entire movie.

You have to understand that Snow White is a teenager. She just learned that her stepmother, the only family she had left, wants to kill her. She ran, has no food, no home for the night. She has nothing except the clothes that she wears. Breaking down crying in that moment isn’t weak. It’s VERY UNDERSTANDABLE AND ACCURATE!

Now, she finds the cottage and decides to clean up. That’s not Disney being anti feminist and Snow White being a weak woman. She realizes that she won‘t be able to stay for free. She notices that no one is doing household chores, which is what the queen forces her to do for years. So she thinks, I proof myself usefull to them and than, they might let me stay. She even said that outright!

She notices that there is a position that could give her an advantage and she uses that! She is very resourceful and uses what little she has! Not just that! She also proofs that she has leadership skills like a royal by splitting the chores up to the animals! „Snow white won‘t dream of love. She will dream of becoming a leader!“ pah! She already is! It’s small yes but that’s natural in her position! Where exactly is Snow White shown to be weak!? Or a damsel that needs to be saved?! She saves herself (with animals).

Later when she sends the dwarves to wash their hands, she takes on a strict but caring role. She shows leadership skills the entire time!

And yes, there is a little bit of romance. She does hope to see the prince again. But she NEVER waits for him to save her! She focused on what’s important and did it herself! What’s so damn wrong with dreaming of a loving relationship?! Can somebody explain that to me!?

At the end, Snow White is the story about a victim of abuse, she escapes, TAKES ON A JOB! And earns her place and food among the dwarves. She does beg them to let her stay but NEVER without offering her services. And even when she literally has the most powerful woman of the land against her, she tries to stay positive and put on a smile! A truly strong, independent woman who gets her happy ending with her prince! A great role model if you ask me.

Do you see now why I think that Rachel Zegler and Disney have no damn idea what they are talking about when they speak about the original movie!? You CAN watch the original Snow White and find a very positive feminist message on how to be strong AND kind despite the odds! But if you don‘t WANT to see it, we get a remake no one asked for! Yes Snow White is not this „in your face!“ feminist! But honestly, we don‘t need more girl boss movies. And I am saying that as a woman!

If they wanted to do something unique and expand on the original, why didn’t they use the real original story and combine it? Make the queen try to get rid of Snow White not twice but FOUR times in total. That way they could focus more on the characters, their bonds and make the queen even creepier.

——————————————————-

I hope i didn’t offend anyone too much here. But I think many people are already scared for this movie. But seriously, watch the original and remember this post. You will see it. I promise.

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 14)

Hi, friends! We've gotten so far into the manga and have watched Mikan's feelings intensify without her knowledge. Today we will discuss the Christmas Ball Arc, which will introduce romantic themes for Mikan in a way she can't shrug off as easily this time. Cheek kisses, accidental kisses, really long kisses in trees... It's a big night for her!

I feel like I might not have been the only one anticipating this particular post, so I hope you all enjoy. Please go easy on me. You have no idea how nervous I am posting these.

<- Prev Next ->

Chapter Forty-Eight

Finally--the Christmas Ball Arc! This long awaited (by me) event has finally come to Alice Academy! Mikan is easily impressed by her surroundings and the cake she helped with. We go through the typical line-up to see what all the costumes look like this time and to give Mikan an excuse to hang out with all her friends. She even sees Natsume briefly, though he sours things by sticking his tongue out at her. She knows quite a few people on the stage during the representative’s address, but it’s Natsume who stands out to her. She still doesn’t understand all the mystery around him, so he’s intriguing for that reason (like we still don't really know what he's doing onstage). Also, she has a crush on him, which makes him stand out even more.

He's so special and important! That's why he's on a stage!

The Masquerade Ball is another great hook-up event of Alice Academy. There’s an in-depth tradition regarding the switching of masks and confessions and staying together forever, but there’s also a dark side: if your mask falls off when you’re dancing, then you’ll lose something important to you. Hotaru’s logic is to just not dance then, but Mikan finds the tradition terrifying, even if she doesn’t really understand what it means. This will be important later which is why I’m bringing it up now. 

Mikan is introduced to more customs and traditions until she notices Youichi, who’s lost his teddy bear. He perks up when he gets attached to Mr. Bear, but Mr. Bear does not want to spend time with a toddler when he has a job to do. But Mikan owes Youichi a favor from Natsume’s birthday, so she’s forced into the position of negotiator. This obligation is what makes her try to make a deal with Bear, but there’s something else that makes her decide to clean up the party in Bear’s stead so he can hang out with Youichi.

Natsume cares about Youichi. 

Natsume isn't even here, but the fact that Natsume cares about Youichi is enough to get Mikan to make the deal with Mr. Bear.

It’s something Mikan doesn’t want to do. She’s been looking forward to this party for a long time and making this deal means she won’t be participating as much. But Natsume looks out for Youichi. They’re both in the DA class, they both suffer, and Natsume takes care of him. So even though Mikan is doing this out of kindness and to help Youichi, it’s undeniable that she’s also doing it for Natsume.

She stays upbeat, even though this job sucks, and she refuses help because she doesn’t want anyone else to miss out on the holiday fun. The gig isn’t half-bad, though, when she can see Youichi is happy. 

Eventually, her gig becomes unnecessary: Hotaru has started issuing littering fees (capitalistic profiteering off of environmentalist efforts is okay when it’s her) and Mr. Bear ran away from Youichi anyway. So Mikan is chilling out on the terrace to catch her breath before going back inside.

Mr. Bear ran away, but Youichi still wants to thank her. He does so by pulling her hair and then kissing her cheek. It’s innocent and sweet, so Mikan just giggles. A pleasant little surprise to make the cleaning business all worth it. But then Ruka kisses her on her other cheek, thanking her too.

Thanks for what, exactly?

But she didn’t really do anything to prompt thanks from him, and that kiss didn’t feel like Youichi’s. That’s Ruka’s command: to keep that kiss a secret between them.

Chapter Forty-Nine

Mikan is freaking out. She’s confused by romance and has never been “pursued” in this way. I use the word “pursue” hesitantly because Ruka is ten and all he did was kiss her on the cheek. It’s hardly a marriage proposal or even asking her out. But even though it came at the tail of Youichi thanking her and kissing her, Mikan can tell there’s romantic intent. Mikan might be oblivious for the most part, but I think this kiss gave her a pretty good idea about how Ruka feels. After all, his kiss felt unprompted and much more serious than Youichi’s.

I think part of Mikan's discomfort about romance, particularly in this moment, aside from the fact that she's only ten, is that Ruka liking her romantically would complicate their relationship. She doesn't know anything about romance or romantic feelings or how to tell how she feels, so Ruka acting in a way that suggests he likes her makes her nervous. He likes her. So does she like him? If she does, are they supposed to date or something? If she doesn't, is she supposed to tell him? How is she supposed to tell the difference between romance and friendship? It makes sense that Mikan would freak out so much.

Mikan may be pretty oblivious to romance, but it's partially because she doesn't really want to understand. Despite that, she can still tell the difference between a toddler kissing her out of gratitude and Ruka kissing her out of... something else.

It doesn’t help that Hotaru becomes cold with her when she figures out that Mikan is keeping a secret from her. They’re supposed to be best friends and best friends don’t keep secrets but Ruka commanded her.  

(Also, Hotaru can tell the secret has something to do with Ruka so she torments him with a bad slice of cake as retribution.)

It’s time for the Masquerade Ball and though Mikan is excited to dance, she starts freaking out again as soon as she spots Ruka. He doesn’t seem to be nervous about what happened at all, which only makes her feel weirder, but calm and composed Ruka puts her and Natsume on the spot by proposing they dance together, since they didn’t get to at the festival afterparty (and we know why they didn’t dance then). He sets them up and then takes off, seemingly proud of himself. Both Mikan and Natsume are startled by this. 

Why the hell did he think this would be a good idea? They both look uncomfortable!

Even at the after-party, dancing with Natsume hadn’t seemed like a possibility. So far in the story, Natsume and Mikan haven’t really touched a lot. The beginning of their relationship has involved a degree of violent touch (like slamming her against a tree, keeping her in a headlock, tackling him in the middle of a suicide attempt). Then there was a bit of “mocking” touch (like when Natsume rubs in his victory at the end of the SA labyrinth, or his little kick in Chapter Forty-Seven). There hasn’t been a lot of earnest, gentle touch. (Which is bizarre because Natsume is so tactile when he loves someone. See how he interacts with Ruka for evidence.)

Dancing requires touch. Not violence, not mocking, but actual touch. And Mikan isn’t used to touching Natsume, so the idea of dancing with him--being in close proximity, holding onto each other--is startling. They’re the only ones without their masks on, standing still among a sea of masked dancers. I think it’s interesting that they’re not wearing masks. Whether they do or don’t wouldn’t really change the way the scene progresses. But they don’t and every choice is worth analyzing (step #1 of any literary analysis is just asking “why?”). The idea that most appeals to me after I asked myself that question is that their “courtship” (again, I’m using these words hesitantly) is so outside the sphere of what’s normal. 

I'm always asking myself, "Is this arc my favorite?" and I can't really answer that question but whenever I read this scene, I feel like it might just be my favorite...

For one: he’s not even courting her. He may have feelings for her, but that’s a secret he’s content to keep to himself. Second, she’s not courting him! Mikan may have a crush on him by now, but it’s certainly not something she’s aware of and if someone suggested it, she’d protest. Third, most people dance with those they like; they go through the motions. The hook-up event requires the masks and the tradition, the social rules and graces of the normal way to get together. It’s very interesting that Natsume and Mikan don’t follow any of these rules and don’t engage with each other properly for any of the hook-up events. The great hook-up events of Alice Academy tease the potential of a relationship blossoming, but at no point during these events does such a hook-up actually occur! (Mikan dances the Last Dance with Hotaru, the mask tradition only bears relevance during her dance with the ESP, and giving Ruka chocolates is the focal part of Valentine’s Day--they’re all misleading.) They’re not wearing masks because, narratively, the rules and traditions just don’t apply to their relationship.

But they don’t stand still for too long, because Natsume suddenly moves closer and takes her hand to start dancing. When she reacts with surprise, he responds casually: “What? We’re gonna dance, right?” That bizarre scenario of dancing with Natsume is now reality! They’re standing close, holding hands. Mikan blushes and is hyper-aware of Natsume touching her--her waist, her hand. Natsume has never been so gentle with her before, just dancing nicely, the way a normal person would, and Mikan blushes whenever Natsume acts outside of her expectations. 

She's danced this close before. Why is it only weird with Natsume? :)

Mikan danced with Ruka, with Hotaru, with every minor character ever, during the festival afterparty. She smiled and had fun. The proximity and closeness and touching didn’t bother her at all. It’s only when she dances with Natsume that she becomes insecure and nervous, that she starts to “feel weird” (and I look forward to comparing this “uncomfortable” dance with her dance with the ESP later). Mikan isn’t upset to be dancing with Natsume, but she feels internal pressure to do well, something she didn’t feel with the others. She wonders if dancing always requires this level of closeness, of touching, of holding hands--because it’s only with Natsume that she notices at all. She even steps on his foot and he doesn’t react negatively, the way he usually would. 

She is so insecure and uncomfortable that she can’t even hear the music playing. But why is this? Again, Natsume is different. She feels differently about him than she does anybody else but she doesn’t understand why he’s different, so that’s one reason why she’s uncomfortable. Another is that the feelings she doesn’t understand are actually romantic in nature, which will always bring a heightened awareness to touch (especially when it’s so rare). And one more reason is what I brought up when they were sitting by the lake during the Z Arc: fear of rejection. This fear is present whenever romantic feelings are involved, because there’s always the chance the other person doesn’t feel the same. Natsume might be special to her, but that doesn’t mean she’s special to him. The feeling of him holding her hand makes her blush, freaks her out, means something. That doesn’t mean that holding her hand means anything to him beyond the mechanics of dancing. She’s uncomfortable and he’s not and that only makes her more insecure. It’s only made worse by the fact that he’s acting so unlike himself, tolerating her stepping on his foot and just dancing. 

He obviously isn't pleased to have his foot stepped on, but he doesn't say anything or do anything. He just keeps dancing. Very strange behavior.

(This is probably the way he danced with all the other people he danced with at the festival after-party: silent and exactly like he’s supposed to.)

She’s quiet and she’s not smiling, so Natsume complains. How come she’s not smiling like she did with Ruka? How come he’s different? (And we know from Natsume’s POV that he’s doing everything right on purpose, so that she might smile or have fun with him like she did with Ruka before.) Neither of them have any clue that he’s different because she actually likes him (likes him likes him, loves him likes him). So Natsume is done doing everything right on purpose. He’s back to being a jerk, calling her names, which only incites her to call him names and in no time at all they’re insulting each other under their breaths, but dancing all the same. 

What if I told you that this is what true love looks like...

They never stop dancing. They don’t stand farther apart or stop holding hands. Mikan doesn’t stop blushing. But she does start smiling, because bickering with Natsume makes her happy, even if he’s being mean. And maybe Higuchi Tachibana could make her masochism claim here, but I don’t think that’s why she enjoys it.

She’s bickering with him, but she feels herself forget about all of the things that were bothering her before. Ruka kissing her on the cheek doesn’t feel like such a big deal anymore, dancing doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Fighting with him makes her feel normal again. 

Why is this different from the time she danced with Ruka?

Dancing with Ruka made her forget about romance. Dancing with him felt fun and platonic enough that romance didn’t matter. She’d been freaking out about the Last Dance and all the traditions, as well as all the gossip about her, that she felt left out regarding ideas about romance. Ruka made her feel like dancing didn’t have to be romantic, that she didn’t have to worry about that.

She's so happy! He makes her so happy!

Dancing with Natsume made her feel insecure. It’s arguing with him that makes her feel normal again. Natsume’s intriguing when it comes to Mikan because he both challenges her to get out of her comfort zone while also being her comfort zone (I’ll talk way more about this next chapter). Her conclusion in this scene isn’t that “dancing should just be fun!” It’s that being with Natsume (specifically) makes her feel better, particularly when he’s acting like himself.

But the happy moment ends abruptly when they’re shoved by another dancing couple by accident, sending them both falling to the floor.

She lands with her mouth on his, her teeth piercing his lip and causing him to bleed. It’s hardly a kiss, just an accident. 

Ruh roh...

She’s still freaking out and he looks pissed, but she’s waiting for a solid reaction from him, for him to dismiss what happened as nothing, because she wants it to be nothing (not the best way to have a first kiss, and she already had a not-a-great-first-kiss scare with the musical). 

But then he says--in front of everyone--that she sucks at dancing and kissing, almost as if just wanted to piss her off. 

Chapter Fifty

:) 

It’s time.

At first she’s just pissed off at Natsume. She can’t blame him for the kiss itself because it was an accident and thus not his fault. But she can blame him for calling it a kiss. Her anger is interrupted by Sumire attacking her--Permy is angrier at the idea of a NatsuMikan kiss than Mikan is--and Natsume gets the chance to escape, saying something about it not being a big deal, before finding solace in a tree for most of the chapter. Thus rumors start circulating that Natsume’s kissed plenty of girls before, which bothers Mikan. It might not be a big deal to him, after all, but it is to her!

They're so cute. I love them so much.

Koko embarrasses her by saying her thoughts out loud, particularly about how it was different when Ruka did it and how she doesn’t want Ruka to get the wrong idea.

Which leads to me thinking that Mikan knows Ruka’s cheek kiss was supposed to be romantic, which is why the accidental kiss on the mouth with Natsume felt different. It was just something that happened when they fell, with no intentions of any kind, so it can’t be romantic. I also think Mikan gets very confused about romance around this part of the manga. Ruka likes her romantically and she knows it. She likes Natsume romantically but she doesn’t know it. Being around Ruka is fun and he’s very nice, a clear source of comfort for her. It’s easy to get confused then. 

If only Koko would mind his own business...

Again, I’m not a multishipper. I’m not interested in the love triangle. I don’t wanna say anything bad about the Mikan/Ruka ship because I actually really like their relationship (I just only like them platonically). It’s just that to me this seems familiar, like something that has happened to me before, thinking you like somebody just because he’s nice to you. I don’t think Mikan’s had a lot of close friends of the same quality as Ruka. Finding out he likes her romantically inspires questions like, “Do I like him that way too?” and she’s not really sure how she’s supposed to know the answer.

In any case, she definitely doesn’t want Ruka to come to any conclusions before they’ve actually talked--though she also doesn’t want to talk about it.

In the end, Ruka chases Koko off (and how sweet is it that even though Koko is reading Mikan’s thoughts, and thoughts he might like to hear, Ruka chases him off and scolds him for invading her privacy? Like I said--I like their relationship!). 

Ruka is a gentleman! I want to get him a lot of pets on the head!

Mikan’s thoughts about romance only get further complicated by Tsubasa and Misaki, who dance the Last Dance each year and aren’t wearing masks when they dance (and it’s only here that Mikan learns people wear masks with friends or when they’re dating already, so my earlier analysis still counts!!). Tsubasa starts to say that they are going out, but Misaki laughs and waves off the idea, saying they’re friends and she only dances with him because he’s comfortable. Mikan can tell that there’s romance between them but that it’s unspoken. If Misaki only thinks that she and Tsubasa have a platonic relationship, but that they are really romantic, then maybe it’s the same for her?

After all, a whole panel serves to parallel Misaki’s obliviousness to Mikan’s. It’s understandably very confusing.

Anyway, Mikan dances with a few more people, all presumably without feeling insecure or hyper-aware of touching them, until she is approached by a mysterious boy (the ESP). He looks to be her age but she’s unfamiliar with him. He startles her too, just like Natsume had. He also seems to know all about her, including her name and that she’s Natsume’s partner. She starts blushing because he’s not really acting like a kid: his mannerisms and the way he speaks are all too elegant and smooth. 

He killed your dad, Mikan! Walk away!!

Like when she was dancing with Natsume, Mikan is a little uncomfortable, but this time it’s because the boy is charming and complimenting her. She’s embarrassed to be addressed like this, but it’s not entirely unpleasant. UNTIL, the mood changes. And unlike when she was dancing with Natsume and the mood changed to something nicer because he started bickering with her, the mood turns sour. He moves suddenly and her mask falls off. The boy smiles the entire time as Mikan recalls the darker side of the mask tradition: that your mask falling off means you’ll lose something important. 

He warns her to be careful not to lose something important to her and then he walks away, but not before taking his mask off so that Mikan can recognize him (though she’s still unsure it’s really the ESP).

Scummy, scummy little weasel man...

Ugh. WHY WAS THIS DANCE DIFFERENT, you might ask. 

The ESP is charming and handsome and always has been. It’s why he’s managed to get such loyal followers like Persona and Luna. He knows how to talk in order to charm the pants off of someone or how to terrify them, both of which he demonstrates here in one conversation.

Mikan is an intuitive girl, like we’ve seen, so she gets a weird vibe from him (“the atmosphere changed” when he showed up). She has no idea who he is or where he came from but he’s not like the other kids. 

Unlike with Natsume, that “different” vibe doesn’t come from romantic feelings, it comes from the fact that the ESP is actually a grown-ass man and that he is the villain of the story. 

Long story short, Natsume’s dance was different in a good, romantic way, and ESP’s was different in a weird, chilling way. 

I’m not 100% sure if it’s Natsume or Mikan remembering his warning to her from the night of the festival afterparty because they both appear on the page, but for all I know it was both of them! Whatever, we’re analyzing Mikan so let’s go. 

Everything is connected!

If she’s thinking it, then that means that she’s making a connection. She can tell that the ESP’s warning was ominous, and that it might have even been a threat. She’s received a warning before (one of many), from Natsume, when he told her to stay in the light and out of the dark. It wasn’t a threat when Natsume said it, just the most explanation she ever got in terms of his behavior towards her. She isn’t sure what to make of the ESP’s threat, but it concerns her just like Natsume’s did.

She wanders around trying to find someone to comfort her, specifically thinking of Hotaru, Yuu, Ruka, or Tsubasa. She climbs the Christmas tree in the hopes that she’ll see one of them from up there. She has a distinct goal in mind: to find someone who will listen to her and make her feel better.

But the person she finds is Natsume.

Mikan was told to stay away from black cats when she first met him, but Mikan’s instincts with Natsume are never to run away, even when she’s mad at him. She could easily just crawl back down the tree and find somebody else, but she stays with him. For all of him being unpleasant, he’s still a friend, albeit a weird and different friend.

Even though she doesn’t think of him as the supportive, comforting type, she ends up venting to him, complaining about the situation (particularly in terms of the jinx). It’s worth noting that her explanation must have been unclear because Natsume doesn’t figure out it was the ESP she danced with until he speaks to stalker-Nobara. If he knew, he might have been more concerned. Instead he tells her she’s worried over nothing. It’s pathetic to be this worked up over something so insignificant! Her mask fell off, so what?! 

And Mikan smiles. 

"Makes people angry." Y'all already get it at this point, right?

He might not be comforting in the way Ruka or Yuu are, but he is able to comfort her in a completely different way. “It’s because he always ticks me off that bad things stop bothering me.” She has an epiphany about him--even though he’s not saying nice things, she always feels better when she talks with him. 

(Like I said in the Natsume chapter, that’s the method that feels safest. When he starts being comforting in kinder ways, she’ll find him to be that much more of a safe space.)

We’re beginning to see the ways that Natsume is Mikan’s sunshine too.

But Natsume reminds her that she was mad and she remembers the rage until Natsume asks her about what happened between her and Ruka. Mikan, sworn to secrecy, clams up, even though Natsume keeps bugging her about it. She changes the subject to the rumors of Natsume kissing lots of people before. It becomes a back and forth--who kissed who forever. 

I think it’s interesting that Mikan stays firm on the subject of Natsume kissing other people, almost like it bothers her to imagine. We’ll later see Mikan get jealous in a bigger way, but this is sort of like a preview. Not only was their “kiss” not a big deal to him, but it’s not a big deal because he kisses all the time! The tense conversation again progresses into an argument where Mikan is screaming insults, particularly that she doesn’t understand why anybody would kiss him and shouting that what happened between them does not count as a kiss.

So he makes it official.

Smooch!

You might recall that I more or less brushed over the kiss in the Natsume essay. I said that he kisses her and that she pulls away and then I moved on to the post-kiss scene. That’s because Natsume is very interesting post-kiss. But Mikan is very interesting during the kiss. Why? 

Because it’s a long kiss! And it didn’t have to be! 

(For context, here are some other examples of kisses in this manga and their lengths: Narumi and Misaki’s kiss in Chapter 39 is two panels. Yuka and Izumi’s first kiss is one page/3 panels before it transitions into a post-sex scene. Hotaru and Mikan’s kiss is one panel. Naru and Yuka’s kiss in Chapter 132 is one panel. For the sake of fairness, I am only counting panels where the characters are actually kissing, not just leaning in or hugging.)

9 panels. 4 pages. She had time to say (part of) his name between kisses. A pretty looooooong kiss. This is not a quick peck.

And it could’ve been.

I’m not entirely sure why it took her so long to pull away (yes I am). But my honest opinion is that the only reason she did was because she couldn’t breathe, not because she didn't want to kiss him. Because she had been kissing him back by that point. Embarrassing.

He might have initially forced the kiss, but by this point she's kissing back, holding onto him, blah blah blah blah!

This kiss is much more romantic than an accidental kiss on the dance floor; there’s twinkly lights, they’re alone in a tree, it’s Christmas. It’s nice. This might have started out as a surprise kiss but Mikan kisses back. I don’t think that anyone who would read almost 60k words about how much Mikan loves Natsume would need much convincing about that point, but I’ll do it anyway, for both our sakes, because we're obviously both insane. She’s obviously surprised, confused, flustered. I think she’s also… happy? Content? Not entirely sure what word I’d use for a ten-year-old enjoying her first kiss. She holds onto his arm five panels in. She closes her eyes. Panel eight of the kiss has always looked like her leaning in to me. It honestly doesn’t matter because in the last panel of the kiss, he’s holding onto her and she’s holding onto him.

Zoe put it nicely during a text exchange I had with her when I was writing this part of the analysis: “he’s got the initiative (somehow despite his whole isolating, break her heart to save her schtick) and she’s got a lot of pent up affection and frustration that she can’t communicate properly because he’s so wishy-washy.” Brilliant.

When she pulls away, it’s with a gasp. She stays silent and tries to catch her breath because WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT. What a bizarre scene, to have Mikan silent for once, and Natsume talking to fill in the silence. Nobody is forcing the boy to speak, for once, and yet he keeps yammering on, first to explain himself, then to muse on what kisses feel like. Mikan now has her answer--no, Natsume hadn’t “kissed other people.” It’s just her, just now. Their first real, official, earnest kiss.

Then he says it’s no big deal, nothing to get worked up about. All that fuss people make about kissing is needless hype!

Big fuss over nothing??? People died!!!

But it’s a big deal to Mikan. This is Chapter Fifty--Mikan likes him romantically already, even if she doesn’t understand that. She just got swept away in a 9-panel long kiss just for the guy to say it was no big deal. She says nothing because there’s nothing she can say. She’s not angry like she was at the beginning of the chapter. The only evidence that the kiss meant anything to Natsume is that, after he jumps from the tree, he turns back to look at her. 

Chapter Fifty-One

Mikan spends her cleaning day stuck on Christmas. It’s hard to move on when she hasn’t spoken to either Ruka or Natsume. The kids of Class B gather to tell scary stories and Mikan takes cover behind Hotaru when she makes eye contact with Ruka and Natsume. She’s very confused about the whole thing and only gets more confused the more she thinks of what happened--especially in regards to Natsume. 

Poor Mikan! I know I say that a lot but she's so innocent and confused.

“The more I think about it, what they’re probably thinking and my own feelings get all messed up.” Thinking about what the boys are thinking and feeling only makes her more confused about what she thinks and feels, and that sucks because she was already confused to begin with! And the sad thing is that this chapter doesn’t really clear anything up either, though they all eventually “make up.”

Mikan is caught between being terrified of the ghosts stories and conflicted about having been kissed by two best friends. Natsume is acting relatively normal, but he and Ruka aren’t speaking very much, which only serves to freak Mikan out even more.

They get stuck together cleaning the halls. The silence is haunting, but Natsume seems to be the only one working to end it. Mikan is usually the one who can’t shut up and yet she’s entirely silent. It’s awkward until Natsume starts teasing her. Then it’s just weird and tense until there’s blackout and all three of them are cursed into sitting against the wall and waiting for the power to turn back on. 

Mikan is still scared of the ghost stories, but somehow this situation is harder than that. She’s confused about her feelings, about their feelings, about the fact that they haven’t spoken to each other. What are ghosts compared to that?

It’s only made worse when both of them take hold of one of her hands. Poor Mikan has no idea what to do. She doesn’t want to cause more of a conflict or to further confuse herself, but the boys seem to be doing all the work on that front anyway. When they each spot the other holding onto her other hand…

"WTF???"

They start to laugh. And Mikan is only more confused. I don’t think that Mikan is that stupid that she can’t tell their conversation is about her; I just don’t think that their conversation is what she’s focusing on. They’re talking cryptically and she’s not really following it, if she’s even really listening. Honestly, I think she’s more taken by the fact that they’re so laid-back and jovial about the situation. So she smiles, relieved, because there isn’t a problem after all. She’d been concerned that the boys would get into some sort of conflict because of her, and there’s good reason why she thought she’d already caused some, before they assuaged all her doubts. 

She’s happy for once until a ghost (Nobara) seems to appear down the hall. Mikan and Ruka take off out of fear.

Chapter Fifty-Two

Mikan is touched that Nobara would “become a ghost” just to see her again, but they are quickly parted once again by cleaning duties, when Mikan gets sent to the SA room to help tidy up there. Though Mikan is in much brighter spirits than before, she’s still concerned about why nobody likes Nobara. Even Natsume, who’s in the same class, dislikes her, even though he likes Yo-chan. Is there no feeling of kinship? But Hotaru appears out of nowhere to assure her that just Mikan being friends with her is enough. 

While the SA class is cleaning, they move a bookshelf and see that the wall behind it is covered in love-confession graffiti. One speaks to Mikan: Yuka and Sensei. They also find a bunch of old photo albums, which prompts many questions. 

For one, many pictures have two specific people (Yuka and Izumi) burnt out of them. (This is sad to me because it means that after she watches them both die, Mikan won’t have any pictures of them to look back on. Evidence of their existence will be gone except for in fickle memory.) Noda is able to clarify that the teacher in question used to have his job as lead teacher of the SA class who had the nullification alice like Mikan does. 

Then there’s the question of parentage and love connections. Apparently most alices marry other alices, particularly that they meet at school. Ruka, who was born from two non-Alices is a rarity compared to most of the other kids who have at least one Alice parent. 

The sad and tragic longing.

These new topics cause Mikan to feel a connection to the Yuka and Sensei graffiti. She wonders if her own parents had a love story, if they met at school, if they were Alices. We know already that Mikan feels a sense of connection to the mysterious former SA teacher, but she doesn’t know much about him other than his alice. It’s primarily Sensei that has her attention, and then incidentally Yuka, both of whom had their faces burnt out of all the pictures. That particular graffiti is precious to her now and she doesn’t want to clean it up and erase what little evidence of their love is left (and I don’t think she’s completely ignorant to the fact that she could be evidence to their love too).

When Tsubasa catches her being sad, he attempts to cheer her up by adding something silly to the graffiti. He also adds a heart to the Yuka/Sensei graffiti to reassure her that their love was strong and wouldn’t be disturbed by tiny obstacles (like Narumi falling in love with Yuka, like Mikan erasing the graffiti, like Izumi being murdered…). It gets out of hand when everyone starts adding more names to the wall, making up a bunch of SA drama and making the sadness of the Yuka/Sensei graffiti feel a little more fun. 

And Mikan gains the courage to add her own writing to the wall, since it’ll all get erased anyway: Jii-chan on the top, and Mikan on the bottom, the daughter of Yuka and Sensei.

Like I have said many times, Mikan is intuitive. She gets feelings about things and is usually right. She guessed rather easily that Natsume had the fourth alice shape without much evidence, though she disregarded that theory. And she can sense now that the former SA teacher who had the nullification alice like her must have something to do with her, as well as the student Yuka. She draws the line and makes the connection because Mikan has been yearning for her parents for her whole life. She has never known anything about them and this is the closest thing she’s ever gotten to an idea of who they were. People who were in love. People who loved her.

This is so cute and sweet. She just wants to connect to her parents!

Mikan’s embarrassed by Hotaru catching her in the act, but her friend only supports her, saying that “Mikan” and “Yuka” seem to match, two citrus names. Hotaru adds herself to the graffiti too, eventually adding on “Penguin” as well. It’s all Mikan wanted, to add new people into her mysterious and mostly empty family tree. 

I think this may be the reason Mikan craves connections the way she does. She never knew much about her real biological family and the only person she had from the start was her Jii-chan. She understands the importance of knowing people because she knows how much it hurts to not know. It’s why she looks so closely at people, why she seeks out their “true selves,” why now that she’s at Alice Academy she feels more compelled to make friends than ever. She might have been a strange girl before, but this is her home and will be for another ten years (or so she thinks). This might’ve been her parents’ home. She wants to fill the hole her parents’ absence created by loving and knowing and understanding as many people as she can.

Conclusion

I wanted to leave off on Chapter 50 but then I'd have to save 51 and 52 for one stand alone post and I kinda hate the idea of that. I want these essays to be more or less connected through arcs and themes, and I want them all to be long and fun to read. So.

Well, in any case, today we talked a lot about the Christmas Ball and a couple kisses that take place, including one really long one. Next time, we'll begin the New Years Arc, beginning with Mikan's birthday! I spent so much time analyzing that arc... I'm now only a measly 20 chapters ahead of the posts, which means I'm gonna have to pick up the pace!

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[nerdysleepybunny]

I have a really stupid and personal TPN request— I am condemned for feeling love for a woman, and I am insecure of my feelings for her.

How would Emma react if (reader) talks about their insecurity of loving women, if they’re doing the right thing?

Mostly seeking comfort in this ask lol, and if this is too much, or too personal; please ignore it.

With all my heart, I want you to be comfortable taking requests and writing them.

Love you Shroomie, <3

— New Fan

This isn’t stupid at all! As a gay woman who often questions my sexuality I sort of relate to this. And I appreciate you for worrying about my comfort. I love you too, new fan! You’re awesome! <33 Thank you so much for the request, hope you enjoy!

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

Fandom(s): The Promised Neverland

Character(s): Emma (ft. Ray & Norman)

Reader: Gender neutral (they/you) ((reader is lesbian and is an AFAB but I’ll still refer to reader with gn pronouns))

TW: N/A

Style: Hcs

Summary: Reader is a lesbian who is insecure and a bit unsure of their sexuality, so they seek Emma out for comfort.

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

Not only would you be ridiculed for loving someone romantically at this age, but it’d be even worse if they knew it was girls you were having these feelings for. You’ve read quite a few romance books in the library, and all they ever talked about were men and women. You tried to like boys, you truly did. But your heart was instead aching for one of the same gender.

Their uniform, their hair, their voice, their laugh, their personality, everything was just so gorgeous to you. All of these beauties were something that you simply couldn’t find in a boy. But you couldn’t express these feelings with anyone, not even Mom. Though, now that you thought about it, there was one particular girl who never judged anyone, no matter what horrible things they’ve done, and always tries her best to help everyone out.

Emma, the orange haired girl. One of the children who always got top scores, and who was a mother figure to every child at the orphanage. The exact girl who made you realize these odd feelings. Maybe she’d understand, maybe she’d be able to lend an ear and help you.

And so, you went out to the field where all the orphans were playing tag. Perfect timing, it seemed, as Emma was walking out the forest having a tantrum about how it wasn’t fair how Norman always won, with said boy laughing behind her. You saw this as an opportunity and took it, running over to her and grabbing her hand. She and her two best friends, Norman and Ray, looked at you.

“Uh, Emma, could we talk somewhere private?” The boys shared a suspicious look, which got you worried. You hoped you weren’t being too weird right now.

“Oh, sure! How does the library sound?” The girl replied, as positive as ever.

“Sounds great.”

“Awesome, let’s go!” She tightened her grip on your hand and ran inside, with you stumbling behind her trying to keep up. The boys were left wondering what was going on. You never really managed to make any friends, so you were always alone. You spent your time either in the library or in your room. The only time you were around everyone else was at breakfast and dinner, or when Mom forced you outside to try and make friends. Which sadly never worked, so you’d end up holding back tears as your face was shoved in her dress, feeling as unwanted as ever. They felt bad for you, honestly. But why would you suddenly come up and talk to someone? Ray was more than suspicious. Norman calmed him down with the idea that maybe you were just trying to make friends, besides Emma is one of the easiest people to befriend. Everyone knew that. Though that didn’t relax Ray from thinking you were trying to do something, so he went to spy on the two of you, leaving Norman no choice but to go with him.

The two of you arrived at the library, you leaning on a table out of breath. Since you never played tag, you weren’t used to running. Especially at the same speeds as Emma. The girl nervously chuckled and mumbled some apologies, you doing your best to tell her she was forgiven with your lack of oxygen.

Ray and Norman finally arrived at the library, peeking through the crack in the door and listening closely.

When you finally caught your breath, you stood up and looked at Emma.

“I just… needed someone to talk to about some thoughts I’ve been having. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind at all! I’m here to listen.” She smiled at you and sat down on the floor, you sitting in front of her and looking at the wooden floor, fiddling with your hands.

“So… you know how girls are supposed to like boys?” Emma’s eyes glowed up and she began giggling.

“OH MY GOSH, DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?!” You rushed to cover her mouth with your hand, Ray and Norman attempting to hold back their laughs.

“Let me finish! Um, instead of liking boys I like… girls.” Emma finally calmed down and looked at you with curiosity.

“Really? That’s cool!”

“You aren’t… weirded out by it?” Emma shook her head.

“Of course not, love is love! You can like anybody you want. You can even love something that isn’t human! But that’d be a little scary.” You giggled at her rambling, finally looking into her eyes.

“I really appreciate that. I always thought people would think that it’s weird.”

“Well, if they do, just know that I’m okay with it! And I’m sure everyone here would be fine with it too! You should try talking to them.”

“Um, I’m not sure…”

“Oh, you’re nervous? That’s okay! We can start with Ray and Norman!” Emma grabbed your hand and rushed out the library with you, making Ray and Norman stumble back when the doors were shoved open.

“Were you two spying on us?”

“Uh, no.” Ray said, looking away. Norman hit his arm and looked Emma and you in the eye.

“Yeah, we were spying on you. Ray was suspicious of Y/N.” Emma gasped and started hitting Ray on the head over and over, making him get up and run away whilst Emma continues to chase him. You and Norman laughed together.

“Hey, Y/N. Sit next to me.” He patted the floor next to him, and you sat down.

“We both heard everything, and we support you and are willing to be your friend. We can even help you make friends with the other children if you’d like! Though you may want to go to Emma for that, Ray and I are more used to our little friend group.” You nodded, scooting a bit closer to him, feeling safe and comfortable in his presence.

“Thank you.” He hummed in response, before getting up.

“Maybe we should find the other two before Emma kills him.” Norman laughed a bit, and you nodded and got up, the two of you running around in search of your friends.

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

Apologies if this wasn’t to your liking! And I got a bit carried away with Norman and Ray lmfao. But I still hope you all enjoyed! <33

[arianatheangel-girl]

Agent Elvis Bloopers, Part 4

Author’s note: Sorry if this seems like a shorter installment; I had some writer’s block for the past few weeks. Anyway, I really hope you like this!

Tagging: @loving-elvis @heartbrake-hotel @star-shard @prompted-wordsmith​

****

SCENE: The abandoned motel. Elvis and Cece are attempting to get some kind of connection to the outside world. Elvis is fiddling around with a radio which starts playing one of his songs, before Cece takes it to try and play something else.

C: Look, your music’s just not my thing, okay?

E: That’s literally not possible.

Cece turns the radio to a different station; it’s supposed to play the Doors song “Hello, I Love You” but it instead starts playing Elvis’s “Devil in Disguise”. Elvis starts to snicker since he knows this isn’t part of the script.

C: Huh? Wait, that’s not right. Did I maybe hit the wrong station?

She attempts to turn the radio to a different station three different times, but each station is playing one of Elvis’s songs; “Hound Dog”, “Heartbreak Hotel”, and “Blue Suede Shoes” respectively. By now, Elvis is in a full-on laughing fit along with several of the crew members as Cece looks hopelessly confused and unamused at the same time.

Director: CUT! Okay, who messed with the radio?

Scatter begins laughing maniacally from off-camera.

Director: Ugh, Scatter! Seriously? Quit messing around; we haven’t got all night here!

****

SCENE: The spy plane. Elvis and Bobby Ray have been “knocked out” by the enemy agents; Cece is attempting to wake them up.

C: Wakey wakey! Hey, guys? Hey, WAKE THE FUCK UP!

Bobby Ray “wakes up” right on cue, but Elvis remains fast asleep.

C: Uh, hey, buddy? I said WAKE UP!

She attempts to kick him to wake him up, as her arms are bound, but Elvis simply lets out a loud snore and curls up on the ground in the fetal position, mumbling about “gigantic donuts”, and obviously fast asleep.

BR: Um, I don’t think you’re gonna have too much luck there, ma’am. That guy can sleep through anything. Seriously, one time he slept through a fire drill at the hotel; saw it with my own eyes. 

I think he must’ve had a big lunch, because he always gets super drowsy after eating too much. I knew I shouldn’t have left him at that fried chicken buffet.

C (rolling her eyes): Ugh. Well, that’s just great. So he’s dead to the world until he comes out of this food coma?

BR: ...Yeah, pretty much.

Director: Oh, for the love of...CUT! Somebody go pour some ice water on Elvis or something!

****

SCENE: The casino. Birdie has just found out Scatter ran up an over 300,000 dollar tab, and is confronting him and his lady friend.

B: Scatter, you damn fool! How drunk are you? Uh-uh, don’t you dare pass out on me! For all of your NASA training, you sure as hell ain’t a...wait, what the hell was my line again?!

Scatter starts to laugh along with her.

Director: Ugh, CUT! It’s “you sure as hell ain’t a rocket scientist”, Birdie! People, is it too much to ask that you read the script?!

Birdie just gives him a “seriously? You did not just say that” look.

Director (looking nervous): Uh, sorry, ma’am. I didn’t mean you. No disrespect meant.

****

SCENE: The desert. Elvis is about to shoot the rattlesnake with the stun gun.

E: Fuck you, Vegas.

He aims the stun gun and shoots, but nothing happens. Confused, he tries again, looking nervous when he realizes the gun is jammed and trying to back away because it looks like the snake is about to bite him. 

Just then, the snake is revealed to be a robot as it starts swaying back and forth and “singing” in the voice of Michigan J. Frog from the cartoon “One Froggy Evening”.

Snake: 🎶 Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal! Send me a kiss by wire, baby my heart’s on fire! If you refuse me, honey you lose me, then you’ll be left alone! Oh baby, telephone, and tell me I’m your own! 🎶

Elvis just shakes his head and starts cracking up as the crew members are laughing hysterically behind the camera at the success of their prank.

E: Okay, seriously guys, what the fuck was that?! Don’t scare me like that again!

Director: Ugh. CUT!

[wideouts4life]

Wild Card Weekend

Each game this weekend outside of the Cowboys/Buccaners game went over the spread. You would think because we witnessed a lot of scoring that the point totals would trickle down to wideouts having monstrous days…and that was far from the case. We had 8 players go over 100 yards receiving for the day. Half were tight-ends and for now I haven’t talked about them on this blog even though next season I’m thinking about including them…I mean they do catch the ball too. 

In High School one of my favorite quotes was, “Big time players, make big time plays, in big time games.” DK Metcalf is a big time player. As the game was about to get out of hand, DK ran a go-route up the left sideline using a speed release to catch his first touchdown of the day for 50 yards. This cut the lead to 10-7. Despite losing 41-23 Metcalf had a great afternoon. He caught 10 passes for 136 yards and 2 TD’s. His second touchdown was during garbage time but it still counts because he can use this performance to build on during off season. It’s unusual for me to see a 49ers defense cautious when tackling wideouts but Metcalf sure had Lenoir and Ward making business decisions when trying to tackle the beastie wideout. 

Deebo last name Samuel looked so damn fast on his only touchdown of the day. Samuel plays a physical brand of football from the wideout position. His first touch was a toss where he plowed his way for a 15-yard gain. Deebo is the perfect proprietary blend of toughness, explosion, quickness and bedazzlement. His touchdown of 72 yards in which 66 of them were YAC (yards after catch). Mr Samuel got a great block from tight-end George Kittle, weaved slightly inside to set up the defender and turned the jets on smoking defenders on his way for 6 points. I like winners and not saying DK isn’t one but his team lost so Deebo Samuel is this weeks wideout of the week.  

Stefon Diggs and Gabe Davis finished Sunday’s game with damn near identical statistics. The “I’m Him” wideout caught 7 balls for 114 yards with zero touchdowns. Davis caught 6 passes for 113 yards and 1 touchdown. It was crazy to me that Miami got back in the game right before halftime after trailing 17-0. It’s almost safe to say that had Tua or Bridgewater played Miami may have won this game. I love the way these two competed against the up in your face defense by the Miami secondary. I expect another solid performance by the duo this coming weekend against a Cincinnati Bengals team who played in last season’s Super Bowl despite losing to the Rams. 

Our last wideout to go over 100 yards on Sunday was Isaiah Hodgins of the New York Giants. This is my first time hearing his name but after watching highlights I liked what I saw on his tape. Hodgins ran a beautiful bang post for a 12 yard touchdown. He caught 8 passes for 105 yards and 1 touchdown. In a perfect world, I hope Hodgins duplicates this performance by going out with the game of his life against the Philadelphia Eagles so the Dallas Cowboys could beat the Giants the following week and return to their first Super Bowl in 28 years. 

Wideouts Let’s Go, play fast, have fun and at the end of the day just catch it!