#but i feel like that defeats the point of a proper replay of the story

[ambalambs]

I've decided to continue my ng+ playthrough on miko and I forgot just how much I really liked his sb glam

[deiaiko]

#18.1 Rak

Rak let out a huff and sat down next to Agni. Agni peeked over at Rak, who was looking far ahead, as if his past were replaying right before him.

TW: Self harm and suicide…in a way? (Sorry if it gets too dark. I put the TLDR on the tags)

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"I met him back when I was young, about a hundred years ago," Rak started.

Agni was taken aback at how long the gap between their time travel was. He wondered how much his Rak had changed.

"It was getting cold, which meant it was hunting season. I got bored and picked a fight with the toughest and biggest prey I could find."

Agni hummed when Rak paused for a moment too long, "Let me guess. You underestimated it and you lost?"

"The river was slippery!" Rak crossed his arms defensively. "And I didn't lose!"

"Sure," Agni rolled his eyes, one corner of his lips upturned. "How come?"

"I didn't lose, but I didn’t win either." Rak looked away, probably in embarrassment. "Another spear pierced its head before mine. That's when I met him."

From the way Rak's expression turned fiery, Agni had a suspicion that that exact moment had affected Rak more than what he spilled out. It didn't surprise him however, since he knew Rak’s ego.

"He was around for a while, acting like he cared about me." Rak huffed again, more fondly this time, eyes closed and arms still crossed. "He taught me a few fancy tricks with rocks and how to hunt better. He talked a lot about turtle this and turtle that. There were so many, I don't remember. But Black and Blue turtles were the ones he talked about the most, saying something like 'no one else will be more worthy prey than them.'"

Agni felt his chest tighten. To think that their Rak had acknowledged them and even bragged about it…it filled him with a sense of pride and longing.

"I didn't believe him then, since turtles are boring and no way they could do what he said they could." Rak paused and untangled his arms, eyes focusing and turning predatory, "But when he said that these turtles were unlike what we had there, I have been wanting to meet those turtles he told me about and hunt them."

Rak's story was intriguing. But even if it flattered him, Agni was more curious about his Rak's whereabouts. "What happened to him then? Wasn't he…badly injured?"

Rak frowned and went silent. But when he found his voice, it lacked its previous vigor. "He was. It looked fresh and so impossible to walk with, but he did. I asked if it was painful, but he said he didn’t feel a thing."

Third-degree burn. Agni thought to himself. But there was no way it spread evenly. Some areas must've been painful.

"He definitely lied," Rak voiced Agni's thought. "He was just acting to look tough."

The edge of Agni's lips twitched in an attempt to suppress his smile. That's him alright. And of course Rak could figure his own self easily. 

"One day he challenged me in an all out duel," Rak's gaze turned dark. "His wounds had weakened him over the months, and it was obvious who would be the winner."

Agni frowned at the implication.

Wordlessly, Rak called out his arms inventory which held a familiar looking spear that shouldn't have been in his possession at this point in time. Agni would recognize that design anywhere, "...Mad shocker."

"He said he wanted to test me, and he gave me this." Rak glared at the spear as if it was responsible for his misfortune. "And later told me that I should be proud, for only a true hunter was allowed to defeat him."

Agni felt his throat going dry, and gulped. "He died, didn't he?"

Rak's eyes sharpened. Whether it was in regret or anger, Agni couldn't tell. "I killed him." 

Agni didn't know what to feel about that. On one hand, he could empathize with how much pain Rak must've felt from the injury, especially with the lack of proper treatment that could cure or even just lessen the pain. But on the other hand, it meant that his Rak was truly gone, in such a way, and he still couldn't wrap his head around it.

Rak put his pipe back to invisible mode, like looking at it had brought him so much grief. "I've never used that spear since."

The silence stretched, with only the loud noises coming from the training ground to fill it. Agni wasn't sure how to reply to that without being overly friendly nor physical, and he definitely wouldn't do that to Rak, who only met him today.

Sitting beside Rak like this reminded him of their chat before the workshop battle, on the balcony. It was when Rak truly let him see his buried feelings, his desire to climb the tower together with him and Grace. And with that, the grief finally started to dawn on him. The scar on his face felt itchy and his hand was already clawing at his mask before he registered the motion. He sighed and put his hand back on his knee, pushing the tangled feeling to the back of his mind to be dealt with later. And since the silence had stretched out for too long, he asked; "What was he to you?"

"A rival," Rak looked thoughtful before adding, "and family."

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[toonlegion]

REVIEW: Suicide Squad Kill The Justice League

"Repost from a comment I made on a video"

Meh, that the long and short of it for me. It's a decent enough shooter, fun transversal and the bosses are decent (though the Batman one could've been better, I heard Twitter gushing about the role reversal of being hunted by him, but it's just an interactive cutscene near the start of the game. The proper showdown isn't as inventive, if anything I'm annoyed they had to ruin the mystique of Knight's ending). But the story I honestly could care less about.

Suicide Squad has just been a "whatever" bunch to me across all media I've seen them in and it's usually always the same plot: forced into service, a lot of bickering while doing a mission, think they see a way out of Waller's grasp, it goes fubar, complete mission, right back where they started. It doesn't help I don't like Amanda at all, she was at least decent in the JL toon, but each appearance since then has slowly turned up her bitchiness and this game REALLY extenuated that to the point I was groaning anytime she comes back into play. No offense to Deborah Wilson, loved her since the MadTV days and normally enjoy seeing her digital self in stuff like the new Call of Duty and the Jedi souls-like games. But the writing here makes me want to tear my ears out every time she's ranting and raving, even when the squad is doing their jobs as ordered. Jesus, even Nick Fury on his bad days wasn't this bad. Beyond that, I was just shrugging, some bits did make me chuckle and most had me groaning at how try-hard to be edgy or comedic, felt like a New 52 version of this setting with the tone-deafness.

They don't really do anything with the Justice League other then being mustache twirling villains via the mind control, save Diana and even she hardly does much with her scant appearances because the plot can't work if she manages to save the day. Especially wasn't fond how some of the JL get send off, yeah Batman's death felt disingenuous and I really feel sorry for Arkham-verse fans that they now have to be reminded of this game down the line when they replay those games. But at the least his had gravatas to it (and I'm not heartless, I did like the little tribute they gave to Kevin at the end). Flash? Gets peed on after he's defeated. Lantern, decent but ruined by Deadshot's one liner, and Superman, oh that ONE pissed me off because they don't even bat an eye at him before the game moves on with he plot. Superman, man of steel, one of the most popular heroes, is just a damn footnote in this game. Are you kidding me?!

After that, I honestly didn't care anymore, about Brainiac, about the multi-verses and the Brainiacs that control them essentially pulling a Kang the Conqueror situation (and no I don't care about spoilers, this game doesn't care about the fans why should I?). By the end, it essentially ends on "Hey congrats you beat it but this is just part 1 of the story, more to come. Pay us money in the live service to see the rest of it in the season passes."

Speaking of, why did they have to make this an online only game on launch? Crashed a few times setting you back a ways, glitches that turned the enemies into statues, and several soft-locks. Ugh, there's a reason off-line modes are a thing from the start. Say what you will about Resident Evil 6, I know how many fans loathe that game, but Capcom at the least had the sense to include that mode on launch. So how is it Rocksteady didn't have that same thought process? Really only good thing I can say is it does look fun with friends from most videos I've seen and I guess that's what they're aiming for to keep it afloat. I've seen some people on Twitter liking it but let's see if those same masses will stay loyal for the long haul.

Again it's decent, the game's world is huge I will give it that, but doesn't give you much to do outside same missions of break shield, defend car, destroy cannon, take out horde, defend this routines. Nor does Metropolis feel as characterized as Arkham City and Gotham in "Knight". With those, I wanted to explore and see the nooks and crannies of it. Here, it feels cluttered and a lot of buildings look the same, very little stands out to me. Maybe because the game doesn't really let you breathe with the constant alien attacks to do so. Oh but the Riddler challenges are back.... Why? "Knight" burned me out on these, so I did not care when he returned and was wondering why he was even here in the first place. They couldn't pick anyone else for this? And level up is just, eh. You grind, you get better guns and costumes, ho hum. At the least it's faster then Gotham Knights.

Overall this is just average, a step up in presentation but really lacking that quality of the previous Arkham games. You'll either dig it or your won't, it's already divisive on social media as is. So all I can say, play it yourself if your curious and make your own judgement. At the least, it's not a must-buy, if you wanna wait, be my guest, you won't be missing anything if you do and you have plenty of other games to keep you busy in the meantime (Tekken 8, Like A Dragon Infinite Wealth, and the upcoming Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth at the time of this writing).

[genoc1d3r]

my turn to cry - thoughts on 3-1b

ok this has actually gotta be my favorite chapter cause holy shit so much stuff happened.

I played the Alice/kanna route and afterwards I watched a vod with the reko/shin route in which ranmaru and naomichi died before the banquet, so BIG SPOILER WARNING FOR BOTH ROUTES

Mafia Princess Sara??: Ok so first off, back in the beginning of 2020, I had a theory that Sara was a mafia heiress and that the death game was supposed to be something to “prepare” her. And that her memories were wiped or she was initially supposed to be kept blind to this whole thing (In 3-1a when everybody saw the consent form for the very first time everybody felt a sense of deja vu, except for Sara. Because why would they need her consent when she is the sole focus of the game and it’s all for her) This theory was mainly supplied by my confusion surrounding the hiring of Kai, cause why would mr Chidouin hire a former assassin to protect her?? How did he even know Kai??? But yeah, the whole thing with Shinobu Gokujo and deciding a new don through a death game just adds a lil more validity to this theory.

Sara’s real father: I also had a mini theory that Gashu Satou was her real father, but that was mostly cause of their hair color and how it would def make Sara’s hair color make more sense genetics-wise (but kai has black hair, so its most likely that his mother had black hair, which would also disprove this mini-theory but yk im not here to prove it just talk about it). And that Gashu knew of Mr. Chidouin and gave Sara to him, and it would also explain why mr Chidouin chose Kai of all people to look after her and why Kai could only watch her from a distance, in case she realized the truth that he was her brother/half-brother or something. 

GREENBLINGS CANON AAAAAAAA: I love this, I love this so much oh my god. Now I can replay and cry after 2-2 cause nankidai hates us :’). I dont have an issue with this specifically, I’m just a bit bothered by how the whole thing went. There was some buildup yea, and the cg with kanna, kugie, and shin was amazing. And that lil bit about nice hallucinations made me tear up a bit. But, then everybody kinda just moved on? and idk this whole chapter was a fuckign roller coaster I could barely keep up.

Autistic Gin <3: I’m autistic myself and I have seen many characters who are autistic-coded or exhibit many signs of autism but have never been straight up confirmed (Ex: Vera Misham from Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney). And even then, these characters usually share similar personality traits like being aloof and reserved. So it’s nice to see that Gin is representing autism in a relatively realistic manner with his hyperfixations, vocal tics, and issues with socializing. Even after nearly dying like 17 times he’s still doing well and I genuinely wish for his survival and happiness.

Ranmaru’s death: Both of Ranmaru’s deaths, (if you or if you don’t fail the electricity absorption minigame) the death feels so... off? I was really attached to him as a character, yet his death didn’t impact as much as Joe’s or Nao’s did. During his Banquet death, one second he had his really cute smiling sprite but then whoops oh no guys weird drill screw thing kills him (again). I still can barely comprehend it because it all just happened so fast. Like no cg or anything. I was honestly kinda disappointed. The “delayed” one does a better job at his death scene, but again, it was wayyy too quick and completely dismissed as everybody just moves on to defeat Maple 2.0. I at least would’ve appreciated a better transition than Midori just saying “well anyways–”

 Ranmaru’s extremely quick descent into madness in the shin route: I actually liked this idea of Ranmaru willing to go to such extremes for Sara. However, theres barely time for any of this to develop? Like again, everything just happens so fast??? I would've definitely liked if there were little hints around before the body discovery that ranmaru was gonna do something like this, just a little time for development would really be cool.

Mr. Policeman/Mr. Tazuna???: After I finished, I actually looked on the wiki to see if it said anything about his son that he mentioned and I found this: 

But yeah thats cool

The thing about Q-taro: I’m gonna say it now, I’ve liked Q-taro ever since the aftermath of 1-2, and Q-taro haters have added absolutely nothing to this fandom. Everybody saw him as a child-hater, I see him as a guy who’ll do anything to survive and succeed. I mean that wish is kinda what got him into the death game. And yeah he did try to leave that one time, but that’s what getting thrown into traumatic killing games does for you, most people don’t want to die, they want to live, no matter what it takes. We can’t all be the main character and choose to cooperate with everybody and be the “good” person in that situation. Even Sara has those extremely selfish moments and those intrusive thoughts of winning and leaving. 

This whole thing should also be applied to Ranmaru. Ranmaru has gone through so much shit in such a brief amount of time, to the point where he was considering to/actually kill people to escape with the one person he trusted in this hellhole. In that situation, Sara’s kinda at fault here, cause without Joe she’s lost her sense of morality which resulted in her becoming selfish and well... honestly kinda toxic. This emotional manipulation is really what set Ranmaru off, however it was 100% his decision to fucking kill somebody and murder’s bad. Still love him though.

But back to Qtaro, I really enjoyed the extra substance given to him in this chapter, it’s nice to see the development from being selfish to feeling deep remorse to protecting the dolls of the first trial victims, most notably Mai. As he completely forgives her for stabbing him. The chapter did a great job at fueling my already intense love for Q-taro (and it actually convinced my best friend who claims to hate Q-taro with every bone of her body to like him too!) I also love the father-son dynamic between him and Gin. I find this relationship to be really important cause Gin’s father is an abusive alcoholic and Q-taro’s an orphan who’s never had a proper role-model in his life. So it’s beautiful that despite not having anybody there for him when he was younger he can still be a good figure for another child.

Predictions/hopes for the next part: 

I just want to see whether Shin already knew about Kanna being his sister, and if he doesn’t I want a reveal. Right. Now.

A Ranmaru/Joe/Q-taro/Kai/ “Hinako” revival, p l e a se  they died so soon

More info about the people involved in the Hades Incident/Shinobu Gokujo

More info regarding Meister

Sara going on Maury

Who tf is “Hinako”????

I really hope that there isn't any specific good/bad ending. Like I want every ending to be equally bad and good yk? like equal consequences and good stuff.

Yo wtf happened to Sara’s mom?? Is she gonna come back and play a more important role in the story?? Are her parents gonna come back as floor masters???

I want things to actually change  depending on whether you picked Alice or reko, cause so far they’ve played extremely minor roles.

[baladric]

(this is long and rambly so cut after the first paragraph)

re: analogies about getting ADHD diagnosed and medicated at the very end of one’s 20s, i’m struck with the memory of when i played the entirety of bastion with a file i had no idea was corrupted.

the game’s ground textures were entirely missing, and if you’ve played bastion, you know that falling off the edge of the world is a big component of the game, as the walkable paths rise up as you traverse each level and are notably very rickety because, you know, the world has ended in huge cataclysm. with the ground textures missing, i had no way of seeing where the edges were—so understandably, i died a lot. the game was fucking hard.

i didn’t find out this was a game error until about a month after i beat the it, when my brother and i were talking about it and i said, “it was really good but i don’t understand the design decision to make the ground invisible??” to which he said “what?”

i showed him my game file and he was fucking gobsmacked that i’d made it past the first level, let alone beat the whole-ass game, and sent an email to supergiant for me to tell them his younger sibling had just become the best gamer alive by beating a corrupted-ass download of their game (a funny statement to me that he meant in all seriousness because what the fuck), at which point i was sent a fresh download key and a lot of Very confused and adulatory emails asking for screenshots. i vaguely remember them adding a steam achievement for beating the game with that glitch.

i replayed the game, and i immediately felt like i’d been ripped off. it had taken me about a month to beat the game without ground textures; it took me four days to beat it with them. all that hard work and frustration and, honestly, full-on weeping, and it had been a machine error the entire time. it did not have to be as hard as it was. it was not intended to be as hard as it was.

i’ve been on a non-stimulant ADHD medication for almost 7 months, and once again, i feel so fucking cheated. for 29 years, the simplest tasks defeated me. my GPA never once peaked above a 2.9 because i just couldn’t do the work from the first moment i started elementary school until i eventually got kicked out of graduate school. i hated myself every single day for being unable to muster the wherewithal to do any of the things that other people did daily with seeming ease—and i hated all the mental health professionals who told me i just lacked work ethic, that things were hard for everyone, that i just had to take it one step at a time and power through. i saw so many fucking therapists and psychiatrists and art therapists and fucking ayurvedic practitioners, and nothing helped.

i had never finished a significant project in my life without the threat of extrenal repercussions, but three months after starting the new meds, i wrote and finished two stories, one clocking in just shy of 20,000 words, the other 40,000.

seven months in, and i have blossomed as an artist on a level i couldn’t even dream of before this, because i now have the seemingly simple ability to sit down and work. i’ve made so much art i love that i’ve had to open a new drive account to store it all. i’ve written at least another 40,000 words since finishing Sweet Hope, including the 20,000+ words of pirate au. i’m learning how to record audiobooks, i’m getting into proper singing shape for the first time since i graduated in 2015, i’m forming invaluable new, collaborative friendships and deepening my long-term relationships to untold levels.

i wake up at 9 every day of my own accord, and going to sleep past 1 am feels horrible. my thoughts are clear more often than not, and in this vivid, present space, i’ve come to understand myself on such an intrinsic and intimate level that all the clawing and fighting and internal screaming i’d been doing about my gender identity for years has gone quiet like the flip of a switch. i’ve found ways to not care if people don’t like me, to speak my mind, to permit people to see me how they are going to see me, regardless of the actual truth of their perceptions.

literally every part of me has not just changed, but condensed down into a solidity i never, ever thought i would achieve. people think i’m funny now, i keep getting invited to parties and being sought after as a friend, music opporunities are cropping up, unsought, like fucking dandelions, and i've had multiple job offers from incredible theatrical creators. something huge has shifted in me, something that’s visible from the outside, something that’s good. i’m not exaggerating when i say that i love who i am now, when before i was honestly lucky to live through some days, so deep and ingrained was my self-hatred.

i jokingly attribute this frankly fucking astonishing and sudden leveling out of my entire existence to the mystical magic of turning 30, but honestly? it’s the meds. it’s the fucking meds, and the knowledge that this is all it would have taken the entire time makes me so unspeakably sad for my past self—because it literally did not have to be as hard as it was. not once.

[prettywordsyouleft]

To Be Continued - Part 3

Summary: As an author, you had created Brian Kang for your current trilogy series to represent the ultimate man that everyone would love, along with Charli Evers - your female protagonist. What you hadn’t expected was for him to find a way out of the story and begin shaping up your world instead

Pairing: Brian Kang x female writer (ft. Park Sungjin)

Genre: writer au / romance / fantasy

Warnings: fictional characters coming to life / a bit of angst here and there / Sungjin as a cop (or does that only affect me?) >_>

Word count: 2288

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Epilogue

“I know it seems ridiculous,” you stated as you led the constable to your home office, pointing at your desk where both the pen and message waited for him to inspect. “However, I didn’t hear a thing and yet this is all here.”

Sungjin quietly investigated the space, looking to the window and then went over to jiggle the catch. He stepped all around the room, searching for clues, his hand rising to his mouth to cover it as he processed his thoughts.

And then he turned to you. “I don’t really know what to say. This makes no sense.”

“I feel like I’m going insane!” you admitted emotionally, dropping to a crouch and holding onto your legs. “How could someone get in and out without my knowledge whilst everything is still locked?!”

When you glanced up at Sungjin, who came to your side, you noticed the look of scepticism within his eyes. There was nothing factual aside from the second fingerprints, which in your mind, was enough to convince you that someone else had been here. For a moment, the trained professional looked at you and assessed something before smiling gently. You realised then Sungjin was questioning your well-being.

Standing up suddenly, you took a step back from his proximity and looked out the window. “I might have proclaimed just now about feeling as if I’m going insane, but I can assure you, Constable Park, that I’m not already insane.”

“I know,” he answered, trying to catch your attention. When he gained it, he nodded genuinely. “I’m sorry, my brief thought was too brash.”

“I can understand why,” you breathed out with a sigh, shaking your head. “It would be easy enough to plant such evidence, right? I’ve watched enough spy movies and read enough novels to know that it’s relatively simple enough to obtain someone’s fingerprint.”

“Yes, but I believe you haven’t done this on purpose either, Y/N.”

There was comfort in the way he spoke your name and you nodded softly, tears spilling down your cheeks. Sungjin stepped into your space again, patting your shoulder gently. “What do I do?”

“We need to catch the person in the act,” Sungjin suggested and you stared at him curiously. “Have you tried messaging the person back?”

“No… I mean, how does that work? It’s not a social app they’re writing on but Microsoft Word. Even with a cloud sharing system, it would show me that another user is signed in.”

Sungjin shrugged. “Still. Worth a shot, don’t you think?”

“Do I try it now?” you asked and Sungjin shook his head.

“Nothing will happen with me here,” he guessed and you sighed, defeated. You kind of liked that nothing would happen with Sungjin here. But he had a job to do and you did want to solve this issue too.

If it was simply a fan, you would thank them for nursing you back to health that night and ask them to stop this. That seemed simple enough to request. Surely, if they cared that much about you, they would comply.

You didn’t want to consider that their fan status was anything more than just that. Once again, movies and books you had perused with obsessive stalkers cropped up and you shuddered.

Sungjin noticed and rubbed at your shoulders to relax you. “You’re going to be okay. You have my number and I’ll make sure to check in on your regularly too. Let me know if anything happens with the messages, okay?”

“I will.” Leading the constable back out to the front door, he turned and rubbed at his wrist.

“Did you need a lift to get your groceries?”

“Is that allowed in a police vehicle?” you wondered and Sungjin grinned.

“I could write it off as protection services.”

“I’m touched, really,” you responded, trying to rein in the smile you knew was splitting your lips all too obviously.

Sungjin nodded and chuckled back. “Knowing you would take the offer if my car wasn’t government-funded is all I need, Y/N.”

“You best get back to patrolling the streets for proper crime,” you suggested and he nodded. You then laughed. “And I have a date with the fruit and vegetable section to help improve my immunity after dealing with this cold.”

“Take it easy. First dates can be hard to deal with.”

You grinned. “I will. And if I’m in trouble from it, I’ll know who to ring.”

You could tell Sungjin wasn’t usually one for this type of banter, and despite his ears turning red, he seemed to be enjoying himself. Which was no doubt why he was reluctant to step off your front porch right now.

However, he finally did so with another wave and you stepped back inside, locking the door before going to write out your list. It felt weird to use the pen that reappeared so you put it away before reaching for another and jotted down the groceries you needed.

“Have you tried messaging the person back?”

Sungjin’s suggestion lingered in your mind as you prepared to stand and fetch your bag. Relenting, you looked at the screen and inhaled a deep breath before you began to type.

Thank you for returning the pen. And for helping me with my illness.

It felt odd to type anything more and you shook your head to loosen off the feeling, getting to your feet and taking the list out with you.

The words you had written then disappeared without your knowledge, reaching the person they were intended for.

You had almost forgotten all about the incident that led to the constable ending up in your house again today, but the interaction by your front door had replayed so much in your mind that you were too giddy to focus on anything else. As you put away your groceries, you contemplated what Sungjin was like to go grocery shopping with.

It was juvenile. You felt like you were back in high school crushing on a student you liked. You entertained the idea, all the same, slipping further into more domestic actions, swooning over your hypothetical relationship with the man.

You were destined to be a writer. You were far too much of a dreamer for any other profession.

By the time you had eaten a late lunch, you had already jotted down on your phone’s notes app more information to add to your police officer document once back at your desk. You did some house chores before stepping back in there, and before you could even sit down, there was a knock at your door.

It wasn’t Sungjin, however, but your mother, armed with an arsenal to help your illness improve.

You grinned even though you whined out loud. “Mum, I’m basically over it now.”

“You had me worried sick about you. Especially when you mentioned someone broke in!”

Taking what she held and helping the woman inside, you shook your head. “Well, there’s no evidence that’s solid enough to say someone broke in.”

“Should I stay with you tonight?”

“Why tonight when I was more frightened last night?” you asked with a teasing tone and the older woman swatted at you in distaste.

“I’m your mother! I’m allowed to be worried.”

“I’ll be fine! I’ll have the doors all locked, and my favourite police officer’s number saved into my phone. Besides, I’ll no doubt spend my night writing and-”

“Forget I’m even here. Yes, I know how you get when you step out of reality, Y/N.”

You grinned again at her understanding and then were gathered up in a hug. “At least let me cook you dinner. I’ll leave before it gets too late for your creative juices to start rolling out.”

“You’re the best, you know that?”

“Of course I do. I have to be the best to be your Mum!”

After watching two feel-good movies from your childhood and your mother had fed you your favourite dish for dinner before wrapping the night up with fussing over you sufficiently, she headed back home and left you to your own devices.

So it surprised you to finally sit back down after hours away from your laptop to find the screen still active.

Peering closely at it, you blinked slowly at your message or lack of it. Where had it gone? You knew you written the two sentences and pressed enter.

Just as you were about to close the document, your eyes rounded with shock as words began to appear on the screen before you.

“I’m going insane after all,” you said jarringly, reading the sentence as it was typed.

I hope you will stop fearing me and calling that police officer. I’m really not that scary. You know me.

Instead of reaching for your phone, you felt compelled to reply.

Do I?

Again words started to appear before you. Of course. You know me better than I probably do.

How?

You created me.

“Maybe I’ve had too much coffee,” you tried to rationalise but it didn’t make any sense. Looking around yourself to see if someone was remotely plugged in somehow to your laptop, you even searched the connection settings before coming up blank.

So you challenged the writer of the messages.

If I know you and created you – which sounds absolutely absurd by the way – why won’t you show yourself?

You laughed when there was no immediate response and hovered the mouse pointer over the exit button to Microsoft Word, intending to then power off the device. The screen flickered then and you looked back at to see new words forming.

Don’t turn off the laptop.

“What would that have anything to do with this?” you murmured, feeling exasperated from chatting with some strange person within a word document in the first place.

More words appeared. Because the world you created was made on this.

“Okay, it’s getting too late for me now. I’m going to save this document and-”

The screen went blank and you sat back in your chair then, watching it to see what would happen next. Nothing did and you hit the power button on and off, laughing at the predicament. “My battery must have died. Great.”

Searching on the desk for the power cord, you plugged it in and the machine brightened up instantly, blinding you a little with the sudden change.

And then it opened Captivated again.

You watched as the story scrolled down at an unbelievably fast rate, reaching the bottom of the manuscript where you had changed the words back to The End for the third time. They disappeared and were replaced with To Be Continued once more, infuriating you.

“Leave my work alone! This is an intrusion on my intellectual property! You have no right interfering with--”

You weren’t sure if you were hallucinating or not. You weren’t even sure how it happened. One moment, whilst you were ranting to whoever may be listening in about your rights, you were all alone.

The next, a man was leaning against your desktop beside you.

“What the… how did you get in here?!” you cried, not looking up at him properly, reaching into your pocket to retrieve your phone.

“I really don’t think you need to call for him. But if it makes you feel safer, by all means, ring your hero.”

His voice, although you had never heard it before, felt familiar, as if you had imagined that’s how someone would sound. You glanced at his hand resting on the table beside you, wondering why it looked as if you had written about this hand so often it almost felt intimate. Following your gaze up his arm, you ran your focus along his shoulder and up to his face, hearing your phone clatter to the floor beside you.

As you looked intensely into his warm brown eyes that watched you back, and then took in the sharp slant of his nose that was definitely a characteristic point, before finally moving to his lips, you knew exactly who you were staring back at.

Brian Kang.

He grinned, scrunching up his nose a little in the process and it made you gasp. This seemed to please the man. “Well, I guess it works on more than just Charli Evers, huh?”

“You’re… wait… how can you… I mean, this is exactly how I pictured you but… it’s impossible.”

Brian nodded, glancing back at your laptop and tapped on the screen. “I guess it would seem like that to you since my world is created from your imagination.”

“Sungjin’s right, I’ve gone mad.”

“Darling, you’ve been mad for some time but I wouldn’t go thinking this is a hallucination.”

“You’re not real.”

“Well, I guess I’m not meant to be real. I’m not really sure how I figured this all out either. I’m still learning about the outside world so forgive me for scaring you with all this.”

“The outside world?” you repeated incredulously, grasping your head as you felt faint. “Why am I talking to my imagination?! This is an all-time low for me; even I have to admit it.”

“Y/N,” Brian stated, capturing your attention once again. His expression was resolute. You knew without him saying anything else that he believed in what he was about to say wholly. “Whilst you are my maker, I do exist. I’m real.”

“I bet I can’t even touch--” A whimper left you then as he reached out to take a hold of your wrist with the same hand you had inspected. And then he slipped it down so he was holding yours, marvelling at the connection.

And like any normal, logical person who just met their creation in the flesh, you completely blacked out from the experience.

_________________

Part 4

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[coeurdastronaute]

The Story, Ch. 5

Previously on The Story

The show was at the largest venue in Bly, an old community center that doubled as town hall, wedding rental, voting station, and almost every other event in between. The bar in the back was composed of tapped kegs in containers of ice and boxes of cheap liquor, while the stage rose only two feet off of the ground on the opposite wall. Old wood beams held up the roof and giant pillars kept all of it standing, solemn and tender as they were, worn soft with age and bodies and heat. 

It felt smaller than her elementary school gymnasium, but Dani didn’t mind. The warmth of the bodies that filed in felt safe, as if she could feel every beating heart. 

Owen was kind enough to grab the first round, returning with stretched hands full of frothy pint glasses. The lights were dim, just strung up string lights hanging from the rafters, the vents propped open for added fresh air while the ceiling fans wobbled on their stems to keep everyone from roasting. Dani surveyed everything, enjoying how normal it all felt, and how weird it was to be around so many people suddenly. Laughter and conversation boomed and echoed around them, and it, too, was a comfort she hadn’t expected. 

There was something different about Jamie, as they sat down at a small, lopsided table in the corner, the whole party oddly anxious all around to be away from the house for the first time in a long time. But Dani picked up on a different kind of anxiety in the gardener. She knew it was about the rarely-seen sibling, but she also didn’t know how to fix that. Something told her she couldn’t help despite her desire to do it. Jamie hadn’t given her enough to be someone that could make this better. 

“It’s pretty full. He must be fairly well-known,” Dani offered as Jamie went half in on her drink quickly. 

“This is the only thing happening tonight,” she disagreed. “Not much entertainment coming through Bly. They’ll take anything they can get.” 

“I’m excited for some music,” Owen decided. “Time to cut a rug and such.” 

“I don’t know if I’ll remember how,” Hannah sighed wistfully before taking a demure sip of her beer. “Can’t keep up with the new stuff.” 

“What kind of music does he play?” Dani turned to Jamie who stared at the swirling mass of people. “Jamie?” 

Startled slightly by the hand on her thigh, Jamie followed the touch up the arm to the au pair’s amused gaze and cleared her throat. 

“Oh, he grew up play traditional stuff back home. Kinda branched out all over. He mostly is just in the band. This is his first band where he’s been the lead. Calls himself a Swiss Army knife of a musician. Whatever books him the gig for the next few months.” 

“It’s going to be fun,” Dani promised, quieter this time, just fo Jamie. “I’m sure he’s excited to see you.” 

“Or he needs a kidney or money.” 

“Maybe,” she shrugged, squeezing the leg in her palm. “But at least we get a night off.” 

The gang relaxed into their spot as the hour ticked on toward show time, while still more locals filled the hall, milling about, drinking and existing for a rush. Jamie, too, relaxed slightly despite her constant looking out over the crowd for familiar faces. Dani moved her hand to take a drink from her glass and didn’t put it back, but the length of their arms rested together, squished at the table. Jamie thought about that a lot. 

They were four friends, not coworkers. They were four friends, being themselves, and it was a wonderful feeling for them all. 

By the time the band took the stage, their table had the remnants of three rounds of trips to the bar, and while not exceeding drunk, they were laughing more than ever before. 

Jamie looked at her brother as he took to the mic for just a minute before turning to the au pair, oddly vulnerable in the moment. She watched Dani stretch her neck to get a better view as the lanky young man put a guitar strap over his shoulder and introduced himself. 

“That’s him,” Jamie nodded. “Mikey.” 

“You have the same chin,” Dani decided, turning her eyes to the gardener beside her, appraising her, strictly for comparison’s sake. “And... “ she smiled. “The same eyes.”

“Are you blind? His are painfully brown.” 

“No, not the color,” she shook her head. “This part.” 

Jamie felt her smile falter as finger tips touched just under her eyes and moved around to her brow, causing the furrow to soften. She just watched Dani smile softly with her observation. 

“You have eyes like a forest. Sometimes green, sometimes brown, sometimes gold, sometimes all of them at once. It’s oddly fitting. I think you might be made of the woods.”

It knocked her out to hear that. Jamie filed every word, every shape of every syllable to keep to herself and replay all night. The whole thing. The smell of the drinks on their breath. The feeling of the skin on her brow. The fact that Dani was less than a foot from her face and that was the closest they’d ever been. The way the lights overhead made her hair glow white almost, or golden sometimes. And the words. No one ever took the time to say something like that to her, but it was said so factually, so unlike a line, that it felt like maybe it was a fact. That Dani was someone who could make facts true. 

“Excuse me--”

Dani looked away before Jamie did. Time didn’t quite matter at that point, because the gardener had forgotten even where she was. 

“We already have drinks, thanks,” Dani dismissed the man at the table. 

“I already know I’ll strike out with this one,” the stranger nudged his head toward Jamie. “But I was hoping for a dance from her beautiful friend.” 

“Fuck off, Tommy,” Jamie slumped back in her chair as the music swirled to a new height, louder than should have been allowed. 

“See what I mean?” he teased. 

Dani looked to Jamie who just shrugged and relented. 

“We play darts at the pub. He’s a shite dancer and darts player.” 

“I don’t know,” Dani politely shook her head, bashful suddenly. 

“I’m a great dancer,” he promised. “I’ll show you around.”

“First one to dance with the American wins the pot, yeah?” Jamie looked over his shoulder at the table she knew to be the regulars about town. “How much?” 

“I’d never partake,” he promised, holding out his hand. 

“Go on,” Hannah encouraged the au pair. “Quite a strapping young man.” 

“I’ll be coming back for you,” Tommy nodded toward the housekeeper. 

With one more glance at the gardener, Dani tentatively took the hand extended to her. She was tugged out to the dance floor, laughing and holding on for dear life, much to Jamie’s chagrin, which she buried deep down as she tried to make herself watch her brother perform. 

“I suppose I better get my dance in while I can before that goliath comes back,” Owen stood, offering a hand to the housekeeper. 

“I’m all left feet,” Hannah shook her head. 

“Perfect. I’m alright.” 

The guitar twanged, and drums kept a beat, and the classic noises of their festivals were spun into a modern kind of feeling, alive and new but still with the steps and changes. Whatever the people had expected, this wasn’t it, and perhaps they were surprised and grateful for it. Mikey’s voice was deeper than Jamie remembered, deeper than the sparse phonecalls separated by months. He looked like their mother. He looked like his father more, and that man was a stranger to Jamie. 

But for the life of her, she wasn’t sure how he did it-- how he turned the entire place alive. 

XXXXXXXXXX

James was tall. Much too tall, Dani realized as they danced together. But he was sweet and polite, careful to ask the basic questions, compliment her enough. He made it to the second song before he was interrupted with a request for her hand by another strapping young man in a stripped shirt. 

For some reason, Dani accepted despite the annoyance of being away from her table. When she looked over, she saw Jamie alone, slouched there, but intently watching her brother. From the table, the gardener chanced a look to see the smiling au pair, glowing and effervescent as all hell. Dani kept a distance with her dancing partner, Benny from the grocer down the block. 

By the third partner, Jamie was beyond annoyed. She didn’t like the way Dani held their hands, nor did she appreciate how the boys smiled and were so polite and she kept the smile on for them. 

Only when James made his pitch to the newest woman in town, did Jamie decide that it was enough, that she couldn’t handle the fearful but polite look of the au pair, that she didn’t want to see anyone else, that she wanted to be the last one dancing with the American. 

“May I?” 

Dani looked toward the voice as James put some space between them finally. Gallant and cocky, Jamie challenged him to say no. The song swirled around them all in the stand off, outliers in the moving mass. 

“Yes, of course,” Dani nodded, dropping her hands and nodding politely to the gentleman caller who took it well enough for her sake. 

Satisfied at her handiwork, Jamie gave him a smirk as he rolled his eyes in his defeat. She held onto the victory as best she could, aware that it now meant touching the au pair, and she hadn’t particularly planned on this part of the endeavour. 

“Looked like you’d seen a ghost. Thought I might save you if you didn’t mind.” 

“He… he looked like…”

“James looks like everyone. That’s his curse, you know? Destined to be a fill-in despite my best coaching to find him a proper bride.”

Dani gave up thinking about it. She didn’t want to anymore as Jamie held her hand and pushed her hip, spinning her out, exaggerated and right on time. By the time she was pulled back, all was gone with the past and what remained was just that second. 

“How was my delivery this time?” the gardener asked with a wiggle of her eyebrows. “I’ve been practicing after my last report card.” 

“Much better.”

“I can always call him back over and we can try again, if you’d like to provide notes.” 

“That’d ruin the follow through.”

“Ah, right,” she sighed. “I suppose I’ll just have to keep saving you then, if that’s alright? Strictly for revision.” 

“Strictly,” Dani nodded, fighting her smile though it burst forth a little. 

The song shifted to the next, but neither moved, neither let go. The lights flickered slightly overhead, the ancient electrical system unaccustomed to the weight of the music and the mood. Dani softened in Jamie’s hand. She wasn’t sure how, or where it all came from, but she took a breath and washed away the nagging feeling that she was doing something wrong. She was out with friends and the music was good and the night was happening. 

The gardener adjusted their pace, deftly moving them in a way Dani hadn’t expected her to be capable of doing. What was revealed just showed the multitudes that remained hidden, perhaps under lock and key, from the average passerby. But Dani was set to investigate, no matter the cost. 

They moved in a comfortable quiet, until Dani realized she was closer than she’d been with anyone all night, and for the first time it hadn’t felt like work. She ran her thumb along the worn fabric of Jamie’s shirt, willing herself to remember just that, just the threadbare feeling and the smell of sawdust and begonia. 

“Did he call you a ‘bonnie lass’?” Jamie asked, pressed close. Dani swallowed as a hand moved to her hip. “Try his exaggerated accent and tender Scottish boy routine on you? Call you beautiful beyond compare?” 

“How did you know?” 

The smirk appeared, only this time Dani was so close she could practically miss it. Her nose nearly touched a dimpled cheek. The heat from the crowded bar and the last vestiges of summer made the moist ends of Jamie’s hair even curlier. The au pair held onto her shoulder and felt a squeeze on her hand as they moved to the pace of the music. 

“Taught him everything he knows, Poppins.” 

Dani chuckled and shook her head, pushing away slightly though she didn’t make it far, the tight grip of the gardener keeping her still as the song began to close. 

“His accent was quite charming.” 

“And ye’ don’t like mine?” Again she leaned closer. Dani could smell the sweat and Jamie-like scent on her skin, just beneath the beer and heat and wood of the bar. As the music grew quieter and the applause rose, Dani felt the tickle of breath on her neck. “Do you need someone to tell you how beautiful you are? Do you not know, Dani?” 

“I…” 

“It has been an absolute pleasure to play our songs for you tonight,” Mikey interrupted the applause. “We have just a few more for you to enjoy. Thought we could do an old favorite, spice it up a bit and really wear down these old floor boards if you’re interested.” 

The arms that were holding her up loosened and Dani was left in a daze as Jamie whistled and hooted, so that all the au pair could do was wake from the haze of the bright dance floor and squished bodies and weakly clap as well. 

In the middle of the entire group of happy, dancing humans, Dani felt, for an absolute instant, that she was free. Her hand was still on Jamie’s shoulder until she snatched it away, remembering herself. Someone shifted, and she saw Eddie’s face in the crowd for a split second, and the warmth that seemed to emanate from her very core went cold, like water on a fire. 

A drowsy guitar chord began, lazy and somewhat more old-fashioned than the previous set. Before Dani could escape it, she was stuck, and a beaming gardener turned to her. 

“M’lady,” Jamie held out her hand after a formal and deep bow. 

Dani took her hand and looked around to remind herself it wasn’t real. 

“I, uh, I don’t know the steps,” Dani whispered, fumbling slightly. 

“Good thing it doesn’t matter then,” Jamie promised. “Keep up and find me, yeah?” 

“Find you?” 

“Aye, you’re the hen in this fox house.” 

By the time the drums kicked in, Dani felt herself relax in Jamie’s gentle guiding, the music and her smile infecting her completely. Just as she was getting the hang of it, Mikey’s dulcet tone humming and vibrating the very rafters with the stamping of feet. And despite herself, the warmth came back to Dani as the chorus rang out. She lifted the hem of her dress slightly as she bounded around, completing the steps, stomping the rhythm out. 

It was sometime at the beginning of the second verse that Dani felt herself tossed, moved around from dancer to dancer, spun and laughing so loud she thought she wasn’t making a sound because the music drowned it out. She was dipped and spun, with various sized hands on the small of her back, and twisting her hand as she moved from suitor to suitor and with every passing chord she felt free and light, she felt like she was floating. Each caller seemed more eager than the one before, and Dani lost track of time itself. 

She lost sight of Jamie in it all, and dismissed Eddie’s visage in the dark corner for a moment as Owen snagged her, carefully tugging her back to the present and maybe the future, his movements no where near as easy and agile as the gardeners despite his best efforts. He lasted about ten seconds before her hips were encircled by strong arms, and Hannah found her a few seconds later, both out of breath and  brimming with warmth before Owen spun to her as well. 

And it didn’t matter that she hadn’t a partner for a few moments as Dani allowed herself this second, to not catch her breath but rather keep losing it. She felt her cheeks aching from expressing more joy than she had perhaps ever before in her life, right there, on the unsanded and stained old floorboards of the ancient community center. The lights were too bright, too hot, the fans ineffective against August and the bodies who didn’t seem to mind. Dust kicked up and floated around them while the walls seemed to shake and move with them, allowing such jubilee. It was unexpected, to suddenly be alive. Unexpected and confusing and overwhelming. 

In the middle of all of the bodies and all of the bliss, Dani found herself trying to remember the last time she’d danced, truly, honestly, painfully, deliriously, deafly danced. 

“I thought I told you to find me, Poppins,” a low voice murmured against the shell of her ear. 

Jamie was her favorite dancing partner. It was no contest really. The other dancers were great in their own ways, but never quite right;  some were too tall, and some too short, some not fast enough, and others were too slow. None of them had the smile. None of them chased away the guilt of being alive. Her smile was infectious and only made Dani’s bigger. The drinks of the evening were coming to a head into a perfect timing of buzzing beneath her skin and feet. It was Jamie who made the magic, and only right there did Dani realize it. 

“I can barely see straight,” Dani laughed, her smile poking her own ears, her movements a little more haphazard, but she didn’t care because Jamie met each and every one of them. She knew the steps now and she couldn't be bothered to care. 

The music slowed for a moment, but the crowd knew it was just gathering it’s momentum, and Dani inhaled the calm as Jamie spun her and clung, their hips close. 

“This is the best part,” the gardener promised, shuffling them along. Chests heaved to catch breath. From beneath her lashes, she looked at Dani and noted the pink of her cheeks and the red of her lips. 

Sweat slicked the curls to Jamie’s forehead, the tan of her skin not at all hiding the blush of her chest. 

“Am I going to be hunted again?” 

“With a face like that? Yeah, I’d say so.” 

“Don’t let go then.” 

As much as she wanted to freeze time, it wouldn’t, and the song continued, exploding into noise for the finale. A small curl of the guitar grew quicker, prepared to grow louder until the drums came back in. Dani didn’t hear Jamie’s response, but rather felt the grip tighten. And all hell broke loose, bodies ducking and dodging and moving. Dani tossed back her head as Jamie spun her again and again and again until it stopped with no more than a whimper.

As soon as it ended, Dani wobbled before tossing her arms around Jamie’s neck and laughing there. She let herself be spun once again, her dress flowing around her knees as the crowd applauded and cheered, the laughter milling between it all.

“Didn’t know you could move like that,” Jamie chuckled. 

“Me neither,” Dani confided, still slightly amazed. 

“Seems like you needed it.” 

“I did.” 

The next song began and with a little less confidence than before, Jamie held out her hand again. 

“Unless you’d like a break,” she offered. “I’d go for a pint--” 

Dani took her hand and moved closer again. There wasn’t the rumble of the song among the people, there weren’t steps to it, just two people pressed tightly against the rest of the room. 

“I don’t want to stop moving,” Dani sighed, resting her cheek on the gardener’s shoulder. “It’s safe here.” 

She didn’t get to see the small smile that Jamie had as she stood a little straighter, grateful her brother knew enough to play a slower song after such a commotion. 

“I suspect you might have a few attempts to interrupt.” 

“Please don’t let go,” Dani shook her head. 

“It’s going to get another thumper in a minute.” 

“Good.” 

“You better hold on tight.” 

XXXXXXXXX 

The town of Bly was nearly quiet until the bar spilled open and from the large doors, a wave of overheated bodies washed out onto the lane, pouring into every direction as the drinks were cut off and the music finally ended. It was a clear and warm night, with thin clouds occasionally hiding the stars, creating patches that tore at the evening intermittently. The respectable crowd was already in bed, and the rowdy bunch set about slinking home. 

With a bit of nerves, Jamie bit at the skin of her thumb as she toed where the dirt met the grass near the fence beneath the old lamps that led back into the town proper. Cars began humming past, kicking up dust as they dispersed despite a few roaming gaggles of drunk and laughing friends. 

It’d been nearly a decade since she’d danced so much or had that much fun. It was still swirling in her head as she came back down to earth. The continual spinning could only be attributed to the au pair and her laugh, how it bounced around the room, better than the music, and how carefree she looked, moving with such freedom it betrayed all of her power walking through the manor. It was entirely a new problem, Jamie realized, to see such a tightly wound thing break away because she was perfect before, and now it was… it was… 

She sighed and dug for the smushed pack of cigarettes in her back pocket. She just wasn’t going to think about any of it and blame everything on the stiff drinks and mixture of alcohol and music. It worked for the puritans. 

“Your brother was pretty good,” Dani offered, taking a seat on the fence. “He got all of the talent then?” 

“I’d like to see him grow three varieties of orchids,” the gardener murmured as she stuck a cigarette between her lips and began the curious search for her lighter. 

“I meant musically. You are clearly a talented dancer and botanist and camper and trainer of young men in the art of flirting.” 

She couldn’t help but smile as she met Dani’s eyes during that list. She fiddled with the cigarette, wiggling it between her teeth as she leaned against the fence. Her shoulder touched Dani’s leg, where the hem of her dress fell on bare knees. 

“Must be from the other half of his genetics.”

The flick of the lighter effectively ended the conversation, or at least she hoped, shielding it from the nearly non-existent breeze out of practiced habit. She took a long drag and tilted her head up to add to the flimsy collection of clouds hidden in the dark behind the streetlight. 

“Thank you for tonight,” Dani offered amidst the quiet. 

“I didn’t do anything but bring you to a lowbrow night at the opera. Not sure it’s in need of any gratefulness.” 

With another drag, Jamie shook her head and crossed her arm over her middle. Dani reached over and pulled the cigarette from her fingers before taking a deep drag herself. Elegantly, like a professional, she fiddled with it, furrowing at the burning end. Jamie hadn’t ever thought to imagine such a sight from the tight pony tail in human form. But now that she had seen it, she didn’t want to imagine anything else. 

“Thank you for tonight,” she repeated, handing it back. 

“You’re welcome. Thanks for… thanks for coming.” 

“I want to dance more.” 

“Lucky for you, I know a guy who can pluck a fine tune,” Jamie stood a little taller. “I’ll go fire up the band again.” 

“No no, stop,” the au pair laughed, tugging Jamie’s arm back from her faux errand. “I meant in general. I need more moments to feel… to not see… for--” Despite the smile on her face, Dani struggled to find the right way to say what mattered. Helplessly, amused at it all, she looked to the gardener. 

“To feel invincible.” 

“Yeah, that.” 

In almost quiet they passed the cigarette back and forth until Jamie tossed it to the ground, snubbing it with the toe of her shoe. 

“I should go find Hannah and Owen, get a ride back to the Manor.” 

“I was-- I could take you.” 

“Enjoy some time with your brother,” Dani reminded her as she hopped down, her hand firm on Jamie’s shoulder for support with the maneuver. “It’ll probably be another six years before you see him again.” 

“I’ll see you around then.” 

“Seems bound to happen at some point. “

Still brimming and smiling, Dani twirled as she made her way toward the car and Hannah’s form waving in the distance. 

“Night,” Jamie offered weakly, sure it never reached the target who was humming and dancing her way across the field that acted as a parking lot. She leaned over the fence and folded her arms, waiting and watching. 

“And thank you for being my fox tonight,” Dani called, turning back again and bowing, exaggerated as Jamie had on the dance floor. 

Her laugh trailed off, wafting along in the breeze, dipping and winding its way between the branches and leaves and gone, evaporated into the night and among the clouds and the smoke they’d shared.

[valdarian]

Invader Zim- Infinite Pink: Prologue (1)

WARNING/DISCLAIMER: This fic is intended for a mature audience and will be covering some traumatic topics that could be triggering. Please be advised! 

Read with caution! 

-Major Character death is temporary and only used in prologue.

-This fic is likely to make some uncomfortable or potentially be triggering. -It is intended for mature audiences, as it will be exploring dark and mature themes and situations. Such as violence, implied/attempted sexual assault and abuse. Non-con/dub-con warnings apply. I will try not to go into too much graphical details, however be warned it will be implied or referenced. -The events in this story are entirely fictional and merely done for dramatic effect. However, they are not intended to poke fun or downplay the real-life seriousness of these issues in anyway.

-I always try to include additional warnings in my author notes before each chapter.

WARNINGS OVER.

Stay safe!

===============================

SUMMARY: Zim’s trial was a victory for Irken society, their biggest thorn finally defeated for good. Zim’s soul reflects on his life and actions from the great beyond. 

When a second chance presents itself; Will he achieve his happy ending or wind up like he did before? Fighting against impossible odds, unraveling mysteries and discovering what lies beneath. Secrets will be revealed. What truth awaits?

===============================

NOTES: 

-Prazr is supposed to be slow burn endgame pairing.

-No Dib/mission to invade Earth (I don’t plan on exploring it) in this fic, besides small past references. 

-Instead it will be focused more on Irk and her history/society. Like Zim’s Academy/elite days.

-It’s been years since I’ve wrote a proper story, so please don’t mind the writing if it’s a bit weird in some places. I’ve had this plot stuck in my head for about a year. Inspired by my obsessed with Isekai/reincarnation/do-over manga and fics.

-If others want to use this as a base for their own story or art, that’s fine. Just tag me, I’d love to see what you do!

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(The Abyss: Undetermined time after The Trial)

Zim floated endlessly in darkness, surrounded only by a feeling of a bygone age.

His body, the only thing visible as far as the eye could see. Was as bare as the day he was born, not even a PAK attached. 

Any Irken caught like this would be ridiculed for such degeneracy. Yet, he could not muster much shame. Only hugging his knees tighter to his chest.

He had nothing to show the passage of time. Only a half remembered feeling of what it was to be alive. Left alone in the Abyss with only his own thoughts and distant memories as company.

How long had he been here? Minutes, cycles...Eons?

Was this what death truly felt like? All alone and tormented by his life on replay.

Forever wondering what had went wrong.

He had been angry at first. Enraged at the thoughts of his trial and execution.

How dare they do this to him, to ZIM! He hadn't done anything to deserve this!

The pain of PAK removal was one of the few things still fresh in his mind.

He had cursed the hoomans and their filthy planet, the dib-beast for always interfering in his plans. As well as a long list of others for his fate. Just about anyone and everyone he could remember. No matter how insignificant they had played a role in his life.

His rage had burned without an end in sight. Who had he angered to endure such disgrace! Who did they think they were to put him through such humiliation? 

The names had slipped past his lips before he could stop them.

The Almighty Tallest.

His tirade had halted immediately. Appalled at his renegade of a mouth.

What traitorous thoughts! 

The propaganda and teachings of the Empire still deeply ingrained within his mind.

Yet, the more he had thought about them, the more his rage started to burn again. Turning into a blaze of discontent and resentment.

The Tallest had used him!

They were no more innocent then he!

Just as the Empire had designed them to. Zim had only been doing what any Irken soldier would've done...right? They were taught to love destruction and mayhem. How could he ever be the one in the wrong? Was not that, the purpose the Control Brains gave them?

He was only doing his duty.

What right did they have to punish him then!

Was not it the Tallest who had forced him to pilot during Operation Impending Doom? 

They hadn’t even asked what had caused the disaster. Why he had done what he did. Not that he could’ve answered them. Even now, that time is nothing but a distant haze at best. 

Still, they had never tried to find out what had went wrong. Only sending him to suffer on Foodcourtia under the sadistic Sizz-Lorr.

Did they like seeing him in pain? Did they enjoy seeing him unable to fight against them, even when they continued to ridicule him. Pushing him ever closer to his breaking point?

Like when they had sent him to that treacherous death-world known as Urth.

No! His body had shook in anger.

No, no. 

The truth was that they had sent him into the deep recess of space, hoping he would die.

He had turned a blind eye to all their misdeeds against him. 

For so long...too long, he realizes now. 

Letting his feelings blind him.  Everything had just felt so...so right with them. He had clung to a smeethood friendship. To long buried feelings that he swore they shared, but could not speak of. 

Had he really been that delusional?

They had been friends once, close ones. It had been an instant connection. One he thought would last the test of time. Since their days in the Academy, they had spent practically every waking moment by each other’s sides. Years spent studying, training and completing assignments together. Even graduated as elites with one another.  

He had cared about them, more than he could ever put into words. He had thought they had cared about him too.

Maybe they had one point...Until their love of status won out.

Zim had always known about their dreams of grandeur. But, had ignored it. Convincing himself, that no matter what, they would never abandon him. That they still cared for him...even if only a little.

Yet, time and time again he was proven wrong. 

Unwilling to accept the truth. His own delusions gladly filling in the blanks. They were ultimately the same as him, obviously. Only doing what the Empire wanted. What the Control Brains wanted. 

This was all an...act...There was no way they actually hated him. It was...a test! A test of his faith, of his will...of his love. No matter what, he couldn’t fail. He needed to prove himself to them. Maybe then...

What a pitiful creature he had been.

So much so, he had even done something as primitive as pray to the ancient Gods. Hoping that one day...

He really was delusional. The crazed mess everyone believed him to be.

After all, what Irken in their right mind, would ever want to be seen with such a tiny smaller? 

Yet, in the end he had still loved them. Even now his cardiac-spooch aches for them.

They had hurt him, but he had hurt them too.  He hates them, he loves them, he hates them, he loves them...

He doesn’t know what to think about them anymore.

After some time, his anger had eventually moved on. 

To the only ones left.

The Control Brains.

The machines who claimed to control everything. If they were truly such omnipotent beings, then surely they had to have known his PAK was defective! They dictated everything about Irken lives after all, from what they wore, to their careers and everything in-between. 

Then why was only he to blame!

Were not they the ones that programed him this way!

If he had been such a threat to the empire, if his PAK had so many errors, then why didn't they fix it!

Why had he been the only one to be punished!

If he was so broken, then why couldn't they have just fixed him!

…and just like that, the flames had been snuffed out. He had been quiet for a few minutes...hours...or maybe even days. Dwelling only on that single thought alone.

A sob had left him as the realization came crashing down.

Only then had he finally blame himself. A deep well of shame had quickly bubbling within him.

Over two hundred cycles, years devoted to serving the Armada. Bowing to the strict rules of the Empire and whims of his Tallest. Placing his loyalty to Irk above all else. Rejecting his natural inclinations. Forever trying to hid his perceived weaknesses.

It all amounted to what exactly?

He was defective. A mistake. A problem to be remedied and swept under a rug to be forgotten.

He was only capable of needlessly destroying everything in his path, even himself.

Forever trying to be something he wasn't.

While Silently pleading, hoping beyond hope someone would give him the attention...the love that he so desired. His peers would recognize him and appreciate him.

Irk was sure to celebrate his death for cycles to come.

It's not that he hadn't tried to control his urges. He had tried, he really did. To be the perfect soldier, to be the prime Irken example.

But, at his core, that not who he was. Despite how much he had tried to make himself to be so.

Luck was as much his friend as it was his enemy.

In a society were one was not to step out of line, not to break any mold, to do only what they were told. Someone like him, could only double down. Hoping that maybe this time something would go right. If only he kept trying it wouldn't be considered failure. Something would have to work eventually, right? He hadn't been kicked out of the collective yet. So that meant there was still hope.

What a fool he had been. 

Chaos incarnate many called him. The name Zim was synonymous with destruction and failure. He had no glory, no honor. He was nothing but a devil to his own people, an omen of their death.

By the Gods, if he could just go back! 

His hands clench at the thought.

Would things be different? Could he make different choices. 

Even if his loyalty came into question? If he walked a different road then that of the perfect little Irken. 

Would he even be capable of such a thing?

He doesn’t know.

If only he had tried a little hard to control himself. If he could just be given another chance to prove himself. If to no one else, but to him. If he could just have a chance to live life how he truly wanted.

If only he could start over. If only...

A humorless laugh leaves him. Who would even give him the time of day? To him of all Irken?

As if.

His Empire had denounced him. His people had forsaken him. He had nothing left.

Magenta eyes stare blankly into the expansive darkness. They close as he  buries his face into his knees, lamenting his fate.

Truly this couldn't have been a more fitting punishment for someone as despicable as him.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Cover Art: https://valdarian.tumblr.com/post/643477875611271168/cover-art-for-my-invader-zim-fanfic-infinite

OC ART:https://valdarian.tumblr.com/post/643603226310148096/just-a-few-of-my-oc-that-appear-in-infinite-pink

MAP of IRK: https://valdarian.tumblr.com/post/644055524128735232/guess-who-found-a-world-map-maker-its

Next chapter:

https://valdarian.tumblr.com/post/640238150925598720/invader-zim-infinite-pink-ch1

[onelastsho-t]

Signing Off, 05/02/2021

“Letting go is the easy part. It’s the moving on that’s painful. If I were to go back in time, there are a lot of things I will choose to change. But in the end, I will always choose you, over everything else.” 

It has been almost half a year since we completely stopped talking to each other. No form of communication, at all. It happened so fast yet so gradually. We went from talking non-stop everyday to zero communication. 

During this period of time, there isn’t a day where I stopped thinking about you. There are countless days where I almost wanted to drop you a text but it never happened. I still have our picture in my wallet and whenever I feel defeated by life, I look at it to give me some strength to carry on. You are still so alive in my head and in my heart. You are still, sometimes, the first thought I have when I wake up in the morning.

I think of you when I am commuting and passed by some places where we used to hang out. When I listen to songs such as “Yellow Lights”, “Us” and a lot more, especially “You Complete Me”. I still remember how you sang this song to me and it still warms my heart so much. When I go to a nice restaurant and the food taste great because you are such a glutton. When I watch a nice series on Netflix which I know you will definitely like. When I see cute dogs on the streets knowing you will shriek and wanting to pet them. Sometimes I just stare into space without any thoughts and you will just appear out of nowhere. All these thoughts always make me smile. The thought of you always makes me smile.

I wonder a lot if you think about me too. 

I still wish we didn’t have to go separate ways. But I understand that’s what was best for us at that point in time. You had too much on your plate and I had so much frustration with the situation I didn’t know how to handle it myself. I understand you did what was best for us and I think that’s the way you chose to love me. You saw what I couldn’t see. And for that - please know that I will always be grateful to you. For being so brave and for choosing this path to allow us both to heal properly. 

I will never be as brave as you. And maybe that’s why you will always be one of the strongest person I will know. Maybe the fact of you being so stubborn is good in this regard. You never give up no matter how tough the road ahead is. You never even flinch. You just continue marching on and choosing to fight the battle, even when you had to do it alone. I am so fucking proud of you and I will never stop saying that. 

I wish I wasn’t so afraid to wish you a proper “happy birthday” last year. I think love always makes me do stupid things. I recorded and uploaded a 25-minutes long video just to wish you a happy birthday weeks before 2 November 2020. But in the end, the video was never made known to you or to anyone. I even went to the Apple store wanting to pick up an Apple Watch for you because I know you have always wanted it. I replayed a lot of scenes in my head - how will you react? Will it stress you out? Is this doing more harm than good? It’s such a stupid idea. It was a tough battle and then at some point I realised I had no place in doing all of these. So, in the end, nothing was said and all these will forever remain as scenes played in my head. 

I think after all these time, you still care for me in your own way. Maybe watching my Instagram stories is one of the ways to let me know you still care, or maybe not. Maybe it’s all in my head. I don’t know and I think maybe I won’t ever know. 

To me, it doesn’t really matter that much anymore if you will ever get to read all these posts. Because I know, you are slowly achieving your goals. All I ever really wanted was for you to be happy and to have your inner peace. And I know you will have all that - slowly but surely. Remember? You appear to be happier and truth to be told, I am so so so happy for you. My heart still gets this tingling feeling whenever I see you smile and that’s when I know I will take a very very long time to get over you completely. Why do you still melt my heart?

Never thought you will have such an impact on someone right? You do. You are such an amazing person and I hope you will never stop telling yourself that. You brought me so much peace and happiness among the chaos. You taught me how to love myself better. And the list goes on. So please do know that you are not a bad person for hurting me because I know I hurt you too. It didn’t matter who hurt who and how much who fell short, a relationship is a choice to commit and I love you, that’s why everything else didn’t matter. There’s always bound to be hurt in a relationship and I quote the song “The Black and White” - call it what you need, but don’t blame yourself for me. 

You are so special and don’t you dare for one second think you are not. You are so precious. You always make me want to take care of you no matter how strong you appear to be because I know deep down, you are not. I ended up hurting you even though you are truly the last person I would ever want to hurt. I've always always wanted to protect you from this world, from anyone who wants to or who will hurt you. You will always be that special person in my heart holding that special place. And you will always be worthy, no matter how bad a person you think you are. Just so you know, you were never the bad person in my story and you never will be. Maybe I will forever have this regret of letting you get away but as long as I know you are doing well, everything’s going to be fine. 

I will probably always carry this hope of you coming back, no matter how much time has passed.

But for now, maybe this is the last thing I can give to you and also to myself. I forgive the long distance. I forgive the lack of communication. I forgive the pandemic for taking away the last chance I had to spend quality time with you. I forgive myself, I forgive us. Most importantly, I forgive you. 

I will always choose to forgive you because this lifetime is too short. Even though we were together for 2.5 years, I still feel like I wasn’t given enough time with you. I could have spent forever looking at you and not get bored because you will always find ways to either make me roll my eyes hard or laugh real hard. I could have spent forever getting lost in your eyes and the warmth of your hugs. I could have spent forever getting to know you - each and every version of you throughout this lifetime. 

But I know for now, greater things are waiting for you to achieve. I hope you will continue to be you. Never let anyone and any thoughts of not being good enough bring you down. Continue growing, continue scaling greater heights and continue fighting life. The future will always be daunting, perhaps it will overwhelm you and leave you doubting yourself. But please don’t ever give up, okay? Take a break when you are tired and continue to soldier on. I will continue to work hard and aim to achieve more too. And I can’t wait to hear good news about you in the future. I know I will be so happy for you for finally getting into the place in life where you always wanted and deserved. You deserve happiness more than anyone else.

We might never talk to each other again. Today could have been our 1000th day together. You are not mine anymore but I'm still a little bit yours. And I know after all these months, it’s probably time for me to move on from us. It’s time for me to move on from you. It was a privilege to love you, and it was a privilege to let you go. You are a tough act to follow but I gotta follow through.

I will try my best not to scream in my head “cute” or “beautiful” the next time I see your picture on social media. I will try not to pause for a short while the next time I come across your profile because trust me, I still do. If you happen to read this someday down the road, please just know that I still care so much for you but I think this is the best I can do for you. I will always care for you in my own way. I will always keep you so close to my heart.

I still love you and I am aware that I am still very in love with you. But I know if you felt the same way, you would have spoken to me because the ball has always been in your court ever since we stopped talking. 

Maybe someday we will meet again as better versions of ourselves and the time will finally be right for us.

But for now, as of this moment, here’s me signing off from this platform and taking baby steps to move on from you. It will take a lot of self-awareness, a lot of effort and a whole lot of time. Maybe I will spend this lifetime moving on from you. Or maybe I won’t ever move on from you but I know I gotta try. 

I don’t know what is waiting ahead of this road but I know, you will always be living somewhere inside of my heart and this I promise - nobody can ever take away. 

If along the way you meet someone who treats you well, from the bottom of my heart - I truly wish you well and I hope the person will know how to cherish and love you because you deserve all the good in this world. 

Please don’t tolerate bullshit again, okay? Don’t be stupid hor please (so singlish on Tumblr I know but it’s ok no more aesthetic after all these wordy posts). Grow up already so must know how to protect yourself please. Don’t be so stubborn also. I know your love hate relationship with cats but please do not get your allergy triggered by petting them especially at your void deck. Stock up more cooling water at home in case of emergency headache or fever. Also try not to scratch the spot on your head whenever you are in deep thoughts if not later really become baldy (HAHA)!! And lastly, avoid your black hole at all costs. I repeat - avoid at all costs. If you ever fall into it, just know that those thoughts are not real and get out of that place asap, okay? 

Go be weird, go be you, go conquer your demons and the world. I'm so thankful I met you in this lifetime you have no idea.

Important things must say thrice: 

I will always miss you and I will always love you. All ways. I will always miss you and I will always love you. All ways. I will always miss you and I will always love you. All ways.  

Till we meet again, take care.

Signing off,  Jes 

[shinidamachu]

Tale As Old As Time

Summary: InuYasha, Kagome, movie night trope and my Disney obsession walk into a bar... Pre-canon fluff. Word Count: 2.159 Genre: fluff Fandom: InuYasha Pairing: Inukag Format: oneshot AO3 Link: 🌹 Fanfic.Net Link: 🌹

“Time to go to bed, birthday boy.” Mrs. Higurashi planted a kiss to Sota’s forehead and the sleepy child grunted softly.

“I’m not tired.” He protested, immediately yawning and contradicting his already fragile point.

“Yes, you are. Come on, now. It’s late. Grandpa is sleeping and I’d like to rest too.”

InuYasha observed the two of them interacting, as he often did. There was a feeling that always came along with it. He couldn’t quite put a nail on the head of it. Something between the most harmless kind of envy and the saddest type of longing. The sensation of a beautiful dream that escaped him by morning, forever out of reach, no matter how hard he tried to make the pieces of it to rise up again in the horizon of his mind.

He remembered his mother to be just as tender.

But did she ever kiss his forehead that way? Did they ever argue over sleeping time, InuYasha and his boyish stubbornness, she and her heavenly patience? How much of her was truly a memory and how much was his wishful imagination? The longer the years went, the thinner the line separating illusion from reality got. InuYasha feared the day would come, when he couldn’t tell the difference at all.

“Fine.” The boy gave in, fatigue stronger then his will and eyes barely open as he stood up and made his way upstairs. “Good night, everybody!”

“Sleep well!” Kagome replied.

“G’night, kid.” 

“InuYasha,” Called Mrs. Higurashi, “I take you’re spending the night?”

“Y-yeah. If that’s alright, I mean.”

“Of course it’s alright, dear! We don’t have a spare room, but we do have extra pillows. Kagome can get you one or two. Do you mind sleeping on the couch?”

InuYasha turned to Kagome, who promptly took his questioning look for what it was. Smiling, she tapped the comfortable surface of the furniture they were currently sitting on, mouthing ‘couch’ to translate her mother’s intentions.

It still caught him off guard, the extent of caring that lady nurtured for his well being. She had absolutely no obligation to. No motivation, other than the pure compassion of her heart. The same compassion he saw in her daughter.

“Oh! No, I don’t mind at all. Thank you.”

When it came to Kagome’s mom, he couldn’t help to be overly-polite. Even if by other people’s standards, that equaled to merely being polite. For reasons he couldn’t comprehend, but that went beyond returning her gentle favors, it was crucial to be in the woman’s good graces. Maybe a small part of him wanted to be reminded how did it feel, getting used to motherly kindness.

“You’re welcome. Now, don’t you two stay up too late. I won’t let you go off to fight demons in the feudal era without a proper breakfast.”

“We won’t.” Kagome assured her. And that appeared to be enough. 

Following after her son, Mrs. Higurashi wished them sweet dreams and before he knew it, he was alone with Kagome.

It was Sota’s birthday, which, InuYasha learned, meant that a decade ago, on this exact day, the little guy was born. To celebrate the occasion, his family reserved the whole day so they could share delicious meals and bask on each other’s company. And to InuYasha’s surprise, his presence was requested there as well.

It wouldn’t be the first time he stayed over, but it was the first time her mom was aware of it. More than aware, encouraged him to do it. Even if InuYasha was fluent in the language of affection, even if he found the perfect words to explain it, he doubted one day she’d understand how much he valued her trust and acceptance.

Kagome cuddled up to InuYasha under the blanket they shared, tangling their arms and allowing her head to fall on his shoulder. His entire body stiffened in response. Was she really that oblivious to the effect she had on him or did she know just what she was doing? He was never able to figure it out. Regardless, resisting the sense of serenity that came with every aftershock was an impossible thing to do. As usual, InuYasha quickly surrendered. And as long as white flags consisted on leaning towards her touch, he was no opposed to it.

“She stayed.” and mesmerised, InuYasha stared at the magical box in front of them — a television, Kagome had told him. In her world, it seemed, there was something new to learn whenever he thought he had everything figured out. For the past four or so hours, they had been watching story after story unfold inside the strange device and Kagome had taken advantage of her brother’s crescent exhaustion to play some of her favorites.

“She couldn’t leave him there to die! He just saved her life.”

“Isn’t he a demon of sorts?”

“A beast.”

“Then it would have been fine, either way. He’s clearly stronger than humans.”

“Maybe. But she needed to see it for herself.”

“Why?”

Kagome sighed. 

“Because she’s already falling in love with him.”

Frowning, he mentally replayed the scenes, searching his brain for the signals he had so obviously missed.

The beast character was in love. InuYasha had no doubt about it. The girl had his heart the instant she volunteered to take her father’s place as his prisoner. He longed for her presence — despite her refusal to indulge him — and put effort into treating her nicely — despite not extending the same courtesy to anyone else. Everything she said, everything she did, had the power to drag him down or sweep him off his feet. He struggled with expressing the sentiment, his pride and bad temper getting in the way. But it was there. The situation was all too relatable for InuYasha not to recognize it.

The girl, though? The idea of her falling in love with the likes of him was absurd. Why would she? It was to be expected that someone graced with such intelligence and beauty would have known her own value better than to fall for a monster.

And yet, Kagome was right.

The tale went on and the girl took the beast to safety. A life for a life. They were even. She was free to go.

Still, she stayed by his side until he healed and every day after that. Because she could see right through his tough facade and was never being afraid of giving him a piece of her mind. And he saw her in return, welcoming the habits her own village judged her for maintaining. Against all odds, they understood each other like the last two native speakers of a tongue long claimed by oblivion.

Of their own accord, InuYasha’s eyes fell into Kagome.

“The best part is coming up.” She announced, thankfully snapping him out of his treacherous thoughts.

Song started playing, a sweet melody filling the air. All of the sudden, Kagome was moving the furniture around.

“Watcha doin’?”

Rather than responding, the priestess took him by the hand and guided him to the center of the room. Dumbfound, InuYasha watched as she silently raised his arm at shoulders height, placing his free palm firmly on her back right after.

By the time InuYasha picked up her intentions, they were already spinning around, dancing barefoot under the television light.

InuYasha had never learned how to dance. Between a battle for his life and the next, the opportunity didn’t present itself and, to be honest, the notion he was missing out on something hadn’t occurred to him. The whole thing seemed so out of his brutal reality, it was almost futile.

And despite finding himself wishing he had the necessary skills to better follow her movements, InuYasha discovered dancing with Kagome to be a surprisingly easy task. There was something peculiarly natural about the way she rested her head over his chest as they slowly swayed to the rhythm. He wondered if she noticed the inflation of it as he breathed her in, the scent he had grown to love so much overflowed his senses with a hint of corn and butter.

Kagome pulled away from him on cue with the song, using the hand holding hers to whirl away from him without ever breaking contact, only to swirl back to his embrace. The more they repeated the steps, the more his confidence grew and, passed the awkward phase, InuYasha was actually enjoying himself.

Too soon, the tune came to an end.

InuYasha stood there, unsure of what to do. Self awareness manifested itself hot pink on his cheeks. He had just danced with Kagome. And he had liked it. And he wanted to keep going.

She stared at him, a big smile on her face as if he was the one to give her a present and not the other way around.

“I always wanted to do that,” she confessed in a nervous laugh. Her gaze avoided his but her body remained in place, pleasantly close. “Anyway… Thanks for coming today. It meant a lot to Sota.”

“Y-yeah, no problem.”

Belle… Are you… Happy here with me?

Yes!

The distant voices brought the half demon down to Earth. For a second there, he had forgotten all about everything that wasn’t her. Their words sank in and InuYasha felt his curiosity blossom. He had to ask, even if the answer scared the shit out of him.

“Are you?”

“Huh?”

“Happy there with me... Are you?”

“Of course!” Guaranteed Kagome. “Why would you ever doubt that?”

There was an unspoken rule to never talk about it. The subject was too delicate, too painful to discuss. Kagome being Kikyo’s reincarnation and falling down that well was not an unpretentious whim of fate. It carried purpose, and once that purpose was fulfilled… Well, he’d rather fight Naraku over and over than having to face the dreading thought of an after.

Miroku and Sango had their future set. Defeating Naraku meant getting rid of the Wind Tunnel and setting Kohaku free, one way or the other. They could finally get married, start a family. Even Shippo had plans to keep doing those fox demon exams in order to improve his powers. InuYasha seemed to be the only one in the dark. His goal was to become a full demon, but that was then. What he wanted now and who he wanted with, had changed into something way more uncertain.

When they defeat Naraku, Kagome won’t hang out in his era as often. Without any further obligations there, she could dispense as many time she judged appropriate for her school thing and they would only see each other sporadically.

There was also the real possibility the Honekui no Ido would close forever. With their mission done, so was the need to allow their temporal trips, and that meant separation. As far as logic goes, he didn’t belong in her world and she didn’t belong in his. 

Yet, she fitted  into his life so well.

The prospect of Kagome choosing to live in the past with him was his favorite ‘what if’. But he had no right to ask her such thing of her, nor was he selfish to the point of actually doing it. She was his friend and even if they were something more, it was crazy to think she would drop her friends, family and everything she knows just for him. How could he ever compete with that?

“I dunno, you do run off here a lot. I guess I just thought you didn’t like there as much.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel this way, InuYasha. But it’s not the case at all. It’s just… I have a life here too, you know?”

“Keh. ‘Course I do.”

She smiled fondly

“Aren’t I lucky to have two places to call home?”

Something inside him melted into a smile of his own.

Their tomorrow was a cloudy day. Changeable and blurry. All he could do was hoping it would clear up.

Of one thing, though, InuYasha was certain: if she so wanted, he could leave everything behind and stay in her side of the well as it closes. The place was loud, too crowded for his taste and the smells were overwhelming, but they would be together and for him that was home.

“I suppose.”

“Come on, let’s watch the rest of the movie. It has the perfect ending.”

Doing as he was told, InuYasha walked to the couch, where Kagome nestled against him again.

Maybe it was foolish not telling her how he felt, how he have been feeling for a while now. It sounded insane to ignore the fear of losing her, of losing his home, always there lurking in the shadows. Maybe he was a mad man for keeping all of the things he desperately needed reassurance of at bay in exchange of enjoying that moment with her.

But right then, the hope of another dance was enough.

A/N: THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE 1K OR LESS, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE 1K OR LESS, THIS WAS S-

Thank you all for reading. Maybe you've noticed I'm writing fluff stories a little more. I feel like it's not my best suit so I'm trying to give it practice. Still have a lot to improve and this wasn't edited, so be nice.

Anyway... Here is something sweet for @sophtin​ (and my self indulgent ass). Hope you rot your teeth, baby.

[ronoken]

Take Tour Shot - Part 4

This is the end of the first section, kinda like a pilot for this idea. I have the next one thought out, as well as the introduction of our proper villain, but I want to know what you think. Is this worth continuing? What would you like to see? Let me know.

For reference, here are parts one, two, and three.

*** 

Gina circled the block and hid behind a van as she frantically tugged at the mask on her face.

“Why doesn’t this come off?” She whisper-shouted. “I need to change back. I can’t have anyone see me like this! I can’t… How do I change?”

Annie was beside her, leaning against the van. She was watching Gina’s mini-breakdown and laughing to herself. “Geez girlie, you really like ta get bent out of shape, ya know that?”

“Tell me how to get this off!” Gina yelled.

“Okay, okay! Geez. Just say giddy up again. It’s magic, and magic responds to verbal commands.”

Gina kept tugging as she said, “Giddy up.”

There was a flash of light, and Gina nearly fell over as she found herself back in her regular clothing. She steadied herself along the side of the van and looked to Annie.

“That was… That was a monster. I just fought a monster!”

“Correction, you beat the mashed potatoes out of a monster. Shot it in the head, too.” Annie pointed out. She patted Gina on the shoulder. “Nice job for your first outing. I figured we’d just shoot at some tin cans and take a run, but you really outdid yourself.”

“I could have died,” Gina said. She was shaking like a leaf.

“But you didn’t,” Annie pointed out.

“No thanks to you,” Gina shouted.

“Excuse me? All thanks to me, missy. Without those fancy powers, you would have ended up monster chow. Yer gentleman down the street, too.”

“He’s,” Gina started before trailing off. “He’s just a friend.”

Annie stared for a moment. “A friend,” she parroted back.

Gina was too shaken to catch the sarcasm in Annie’s voice.

“I should get home,” Gina said, mostly to herself. She glanced to Annie. “Um, if my mom sees you…”

“Don’t even worry about it,” Annie said dismissively. “Yer the only one who can see or hear me, seein’ as how yer wearin’ the charm. Think of me as a guardian angel.”

Gina stared.

“Helpful spirit?” Annie offered.

Gina grumbled under her breath and started walking home.

“What was that?” Annie asked.

“I said, it’s awfully convenient that the minute I get a magic charm bracelet, my neighbor turns into some metallic monster that only I can defeat.”

Annie shrugged. “Look, I don’t make the rules, missy. If the magic chose you…”

“A carny chose me,” Gina corrected Annie as she slinked behind her neighbor’s house and into a dark backyard.

“If the magic chose you,” Annie continued, “then there was a darn good reason. Maybe it knew it was time. Maybe it knew this was comin’.”

Gina paused and glanced to Annie. “Is that how it works?”

Annie shrugged. “Beats me, partner. I’m not a sorceress.”

Gina slipped into her home through the back patio door, which was still unlocked. She had planned on just heading up to a well-deserved shower and bed, but was stopped cold by the sight of her mother frantically screaming into the phone.

“She’s five foot, brown hair, glasses… OHMYGODGINA! She, yes. She just walked in. Thank you, officer.” Gina’s mom hung up and charged her daughter, wrapping her in a tight hug.

“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” Gina’s mother, Dr. Mosey, shouted as she sobbed against Gina’s shoulder.

Gina, still dumping adrenaline, gave her a trembling hug back. “I, God, mom, I’m sorry. I just, when the monster, um, when I saw it, I, um, I ran to get away?”

Dr. Mosey pulled back to look her daughter in the eye. They were roughly the same height, as tall genes had never quite run in their family. “And you didn’t think to call me?”

“I thought you were at the lab,” Gina meekly offered.

“I was nearby when the commotion started, and when I went to check on you, you weren’t there, and…”

Dr. Mosey hugged her daughter again. “I just can’t lose you, too. You’re all I have, sweetheart. I was so scared. God, I was so scared.”

“It’s okay, mom.” Gina hugged her again, firmer this time. “I’m okay, really. I promise.”

Gina could tell her mother had just come from work. Dr. Mosey (Susan to her friends) tended to mix casual with professional, and by that, I mean she wore acid-washed jeans and a wrinkled purple tee shirt under a snug, yet open, lab coat. It was her mother’s signature lab look. It also explained a lot of Gina’s own fashion sense, or lack thereof.

And before you judge? Look, lab work is grueling and takes time and I think you’d want the people who need to critically focus on diseases and cellular structures to be comfortable, or would you prefer they be distracted by some stiff, formal business attire? This isn’t an office, people. It’s chaos in the form of $500,000 worth of analyzing equipment crammed into a space the size of a teen’s bedroom. That lab has more empty energy drinks and discarded pizza boxes than any dorm room you can find, and…

Sorry. Back to the story.

“Mom, I promise, I’m fine. I just… Did you see it? The, uh, the monster?”

Gina felt her mother nod against her.

“I saw it,��� Susan said. “I saw it.”

“What was it? Do you know? I mean, I’ve never seen anything like that, and…”

Susan kissed Gina’s head. “Honestly, I couldn’t 100% say. Something like that, well, I’d want to run some tests before saying one way or the other.”

Gina let out a small snort. It was exactly the kind of answer she expected from her mother.

They stayed like that for a few moments, each just glad that things had calmed down. The moment passed when Gina felt a tired yawn escape her. Susan patted her on the back and said, “Why don’t you head to bed, okay? I doubt we’ll see anything like that again tonight. Whatever it was.”

Gina was in no position to argue. She was exhausted, confused, and most of all, she felt gross. A hot shower and some warm sheets sounded like Heaven.

“Yeah, okay. I, um, I love you. Do you have work in the morning?”

Susan nodded. “I’ll be gone before you’re up. You good to make yourself breakfast, kiddo?”

Gina nodded. She usually was.

“Then head to bed. Let your mother worry about things for a while, okay?” Gina’s mom kissed her forehead before shooing her up the stairs. Gina nodded in agreement as she yawned again.

“That’s… Yeah. I, um, I’m glad you’re okay. I love you,” she said.

“I love you too, sweetheart. Now, get to bed,” Dr. Mosey said.

Gina headed upstairs as Dr. Mosey stood in the well-furnished room. As soon as her daughter was out of earshot, she collapsed into her husband’s old blue recliner, buried her face in her hands, and wept.

***

Gina finally got a moment to herself when she removed the charm bracelet. Like magic, Annie disappeared from her side, and the bathroom was blessedly quiet.

The silence and privacy gave Gina a chance to finally reflect on what had happened. She stood in the steady stream of hot water and stared off into space as the fight replayed itself in her mind. She thought about Andre and how frightened he looked. She thought about how close she came to dying, the ghost lady who was egging her on, the whole superhero thing, ghosts, life…

Gina only snapped out of it when the hot water heater ran out of hot water to give. She quickly rinsed off and headed to bed, grateful for the day to be over.

As she lay buried in her comforter and dressed in her freshly washed pajamas (which consisted of some boxer shorts from Target and an old, faded PJ Harvey concert shirt her mother had tucked away in the back of a dresser), she held up the charm bracelet and lazily twirled it between her fingers.

Finally, after some internal deliberation, she slid it back on.

She didn’t hear anything immediately, but she did notice the room was now glowing with a faint, blue light.

“Annie?” Gina asked into the dark of the room.

“Yeah?” Annie’s voice quietly replied.

Gina kept her eyes on the charm. “You’re, um, you’re dead, right?”

“Ah yep. Passed on in ’26.”

“What was it like?”

Gina patiently waited.

“…Well, I suppose you could say it was a relief. I was sick for a while, an’ the doctors could never get what was wrong with me quite down. Said it was anemia, but I was never certain.”

“How old were you?”

“I was sixty six. I’d just moved back to Ohio after doin’ a lil’ revival tour and, well… Life happens, I reckon.”

Gina lay in silence for a bit. Outside, the muffled sound of the EMT vehicles pulling away could be heard.

“Did it hurt?”

Gina’s voice was quiet, even in the stillness of the room. She felt something gently press on her shoulder. When she opened her eyes and looked, she saw a glowing blue hand.

“No, sweetie. It didn’t hurt. It felt like, well, like when you’ve been runnin’ and runnin’, and all you wanna do is rest, but you feel like you just can’t stop, but when you finally do… You just let go. The world gets all soft around the edges, sounds slip away… It was like falling asleep.” Annie let out a small laugh. “And then I woke up tethered ta that there charm. Guess I did a lil’ too well at runnin’, seein’ as how someone decided I should keep it up.”

“Should I take you off for bed?” Gina asked. She was trying to keep her eyes open, but they were so heavy, and she was so tired.

“Don’t you worry yourself about it. I’ll be here when ya wake up.”

Gina didn’t answer, as she was already slipping away due to exhaustion. She only mildly registered her comforter being tucked up around her as she finally drifted off to sleep.

[pass-the-bechdel]

Alias s02e13 ‘Phase One’

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?  

No.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

 Four (23.53%).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

 Thirteen (76.47%).

Positive Content Rating: 

Three

General Episode Quality: 

Exciting, if somewhat empty.  

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel: 

Super Bowl watchers don’t want to see women talking, apparently.

Female Characters:

Sydney Bristow

Francie Calfo

Diane Dixon

“Francie Calfo”

Male Characters:

Gils Macor

Jack Bristow

Dixon

Michael Vaughn

Weiss

Kendall

Anthony Geiger

McCullough

Arvin Sloane

There is so damn much to say about this episode. How it’s colored by the fact that it’s a Super Bowl Episode—an episode designed to appeal to a new, broader audience who might not have otherwise watched the show. How it irrevocably alters the show’s status quo, and why it does so. How it’s often (unfairly, I feel) identified as the point the show jumped the shark.  How it’s both the series at its most exciting while arguably also being made up of largely empty calories.  

Let’s start with the initial scene, where Sydney literally parades in lingerie as part of her latest mission, which has her impersonate a sex worker in order to get close to a person with access that will allow her to take down SD-6. Twice. It’s both the apex of a practice the show has indulged in before—using Sydney’s aliases as a way to justify placing Jennifer Garner in a variety of sexy costumes—and also an outlier: the sequence exists the way it does entirely because the showrunners wanted to draw in new viewers sticking around after the Super Bowl.  

There are several things that bug me about this sequence. The first and most obvious is that, this was the first impression J.J. Abrams and company thought needed to be made, which is quite telling. Given that nothing in the series ever suggests that the writers ever considered queer women, it’s quite clear who is being prioritized here, both within the story and a TV show—especially since the episode also has her note, for the first time, that she does not particularly care for being dressed this way (something more than borne out by her usual style).  

Also bothersome is the fact that Sydney’s alias is that of a sex worker, because while the series has been more than happy to have Sydney (and the few other female characters we’ve seen) be sexy, and sometimes even seductive, it seems far less comfortable with allowing her to be sexual, even when performing a job that in popular perception requires it. Sydney strutting down the airplane hallway is good enough to do twice, the series suggests; actually having sex with her target, however, would have crossed a line and made Sydney unworthy of viewers’ support. Occasionally, we’ve seen this belief suggested textually: the disdain with which Macor’s reliance on sex workers is talked about this episode and the way Anna Espinosa was introduced as evil Sydney by showing her having sex with her mark both suggests there is something wrong with non-romantic sex.  

While Alias does not generally claim to be a feminist work, it is still somewhat unsettling to see a show that is ostensibly centered on a woman make these arguments. It’s not surprising—at all—but still disappointing. I don’t actually care to see Sydney having sex with random people for information, but this low-key slut-shaming doesn’t work either.  

As attention-grabbing as the initial sequence is, however, it’s only a drop in the bucket to what is largely an innocuous episode. Most of what is notable about “Phase One” has little to do with what it is doing and everything to do with how it is doing it. This is the big “blow up the status quo” episode: after this, SD-6 and the Alliance are no more; the series’ core premise is, for all intents and purposes, over and done with.

Back when this first aired, the fact that the show would just up and end its central conflict in the middle of its second season was treated as shocking and daring; in retrospect, it feels much less so.  While there are still no obvious-in-retrospect in-story hints that this would happen—not a point in the episode’s favor—one can see, given how the series’ focus shifted from SD-6 to the C.I.A., that the writers had gotten somewhat bored with the double agent shenanigans. Something like this was always going to happen, and given the details of the premise, it arguably needed to happen sooner rather than later.

(It’s also been well-documented that the timing of SD-6′s end was dictated largely in part by the perception that people found the series hard to follow, and a desire to accommodate those people. While I have some sympathy for these claims, and find them believable—especially since the writers had trouble keeping their continuity straight more than once—it also feels shocking that the showrunners were willing to bend to this degree.)

What is still quite surprising, however, is how little interest there was on making this feel like a satisfying conclusion. The circumstances that bring down SD-6 relate to nothing Sydney or the C.I.A. had previously done. There is little sense of escalating stakes, with none of the established Alliance players in attendance, and with the major threat—Jack at SD-6 being tortured—being a nearly direct replay of what had occurred on the episode immediately preceding this one. Sloane’s replacement at SD-6 is someone we’d never seen or heard from before, and gets taken down without a fight. At no point does it feel like the people assaulting SD-6 are in danger.   While the events of the episode are not completely divorced from things that have gone on before—they occur as a direct consequence of Sloane’s exit last episode, and is part of his ongoing plan with Sark and perhaps SpyMommy—what they do is make the end of SD-6 the beginning of a new story, rather than the end of one.  It also denies viewers a sense of proper satisfaction—surely the end of SD-6 should come because of Sydney?  And yet, she is ultimately largely irrelevant—a tool in somebody else’s story. The show’s original premise, thus, is rendered an inconvenience—something to be discarded as dramatically as possible.  

This isn’t to say that the episode doesn’t work—most of it does, quite well.  Dixon gets what is possibly his finest moment in the series, and gets to be the lynchpin of the episode.  The Sydney / Vaughn ship finally sets sail with a great kiss. The ending is shocking. It all feels lush and big and exciting.  In the end, though, it’s not the finale I wanted it to be.  

Other Notes:

Because this episode is aimed at potential new viewers, there are a bunch of scenes and conversations that exist solely so that these new viewers can be caught up to speed. While I appreciate the effort, these scenes now seem dated and intrusive, if sometimes charmingly so. 

On that note, part of restating the show’s premise is mentioning Danny for the first time in like a dozen episodes, in the process giving us much more detail than we’d ever gotten about him. Kinda too little too late, show. 

This episode’s big guest star is Rutger Hauer, who does his best but is let down by a story that doesn’t have much time for him and a script that doesn’t allow him to be terribly memorable in the time he does have. Given that his mayor role involves him stumbling upon the fact that Sydney and Jack are double agents and torturing Jack, I really wish they’d allowed Ariana Kane to stay for one more episode and merge the two stories. But that would have defeated the purpose of the story. 

We’re told that Sloane is acting director of SD-6, which is either an error or one heck of a thing to slip into when it’s no longer relevant. While it answers some questions (like why he wasn’t a senior partner at the Alliance) it also raises far more (why is he still acting director after seven years)? 

HOW IS FRANCIE’S RESTAURANT MAKING A PROFIT AFTER SIX MONTHS?

Sydney mentions the Alliance to Dixon, with the full expectation that he’ll understand what she’s talking about. This raises a question: if SD-6 agents know about the Alliance, how does SD-6 justify never actually doing anything to try and bring it down? As a friend of mine noted, the entire premise of SD-6 is creaky as hell. 

[mysweetestcreature]

Tomorrow Never Knows (President!Harry) Chapter 6: Better in Time

(Banner by the wonderful noblewomankat!)

***

Masterlist

***

Saturday, October 24, 2008

In most cases, Harry likes having a well thought-out plan before he charges into any battle. All his life that’s what he’d been accustomed to doing. In football, they always have a game plan with all the plays they’ll need to defeat the opposing team. During debates, he’s always ready with the fact to back up his arguments to make his position all the more convincing to the judges. Even when buying gifts for his family, he always does his share of research to see what things they’re into and where to buy those particular things.

However, if this last month has taught him anything –– even if he’s still completely suffering on the inside –– it’s that sometimes spontaneous decisions may be the only way to get the job done. All he had really wanted was to tell her that he likes her –– so, so much –– and then ask her out on a proper date and maybe if he’s lucky, he’ll get to finally kiss her like he’d wanted to on that fateful Friday afternoon. But like he’s said before, he’s not that lucky. 

That’s probably why he’s found himself outside her house at ten in the morning on a chilly Saturday at the end of October. He’d woken up after only about three hours of actual sleep only to have the conversation with Cici replay unapologetically in between his ears. If everything had been confusing before, now it’s top to the bottom beyond his wits. Without much preparation –– all he did was step under the shower head for a quick hose down –– he had gotten on his bike, not even answering Anne’s question if he wanted any breakfast (which may have been his first mistake today) before running into the garage and speeding off. 

Now, it’s not like the events that had brought him to this very spot were completely out of the blue. In fact, he would say everything that’s happened in the last month has forced him here as though it were the only possible outcome. 

As Harry holds his finger up to the doorbell, no plan, no intelligible thoughts to pass on, and no feeling other than this annoying churn deep in the pits of his stomach, he hopes at least something positive (for a refreshing change, just to spice it up a little) will come out of what he’s about to embark on. He takes in a deep breath with the cold air swirling in his nose and pinching at his sinuses and fully waking him up, before he presses down firmly on the button.   

The ringing of the bell makes his position all the more real. Despite the nippy weather, he suddenly feels heated wrapped in his varsity, a bead of sweat dragging down the curve of his spine and leaving goosebumps behind in its path. Almost immediately, he hears footsteps sounding from inside the house getting louder and louder before they come to a halt just on the other side. “Mason, I said no cookies until after lunch!” A voice yells out, and at that moment, maybe he should have at the very least anticipated who would be home instead of coming in completely blinded by lightning. 

The door opens, revealing a man with thick black-rimmed glasses falling down the center of his nose. 

“Can I help you?” 

“Uh...” Harry can feel the blood drain from his face as he comes face to face with a man he recognizes from the pictures in her locker. “I um...” he swallows hard. “I was, uh, wondering if I could...um...talk to...Y/n?” 

The man tilts his head back just a bit, examining him with narrowed eyes. It’s not that he looks intimidating, actually, he looks like he’d be quite the opposite (just don’t tell him he thought that), but Harry doesn’t think he’s ever felt more self-conscious in his life, and he’s spoken in front of at least a hundred people at once. 

“What’s your name, son?” He pushes up on the bridge of his glasses before crossing his arms tightly over his chest. 

Before Harry can answer, another pair of footsteps, this time much gentler than the ones before, soon races towards him. 

“Harry!” Mason runs past his father and latches onto Harry’s leg. “I can’t believe you’re here!” he squeals. The little boy stares up at him with wide exuberant eyes and a smile just as cute to match. “I told Y/n that I missed you, but she said you were probably busy, so you couldn’t come over,” he says with a protruding pout, but it’s soon washed away in his joyous excitement. “But now you’re here! We can eat all of Y/n’s peanut butter chocolate chip cookies together! They’re my favoritest!”

Harry looks back up, Y/n’s dad wears a mild scowl across his face. Yikes. If only their dad was as easy to talk to as the little boy. But Harry’s just happy that at least one familiar face –– even if he is a little kid more than half his age –– is here to raise his morale just the tiniest amount. “That’s odd,” he contemplates, bending down to his knees. “I thought your favoritest was her Neapolitan cupcakes?” 

Mason nods his head. “They’re my other favoritest,” he explains as though it were the most basic fact, the most simplest of logic. “I have a lot of favoritests, Harry.” 

“Oh yeah?” he plays along, pretending to be completely shocked.

“Yeah!” He turns to his father. “Right, Daddy?” 

The older man suddenly transforms into a more tender version of himself before Harry’s eyes. For a quick moment, Harry sees someone familiar in the expression on his face. Looking down fondly at his son, he smiles. “You sure do, kiddo. And it drives your mom and me up the walls.” 

“I told you!” Mason says knowingly as he turns back. “Now come on! Or else the cookies are gonna get cold! And they taste bestest when they’re warm!” He grabs Harry’s hand and pulls him inside. All Harry can do is send Mr. Y/l/n an apologetic look as he sheepishly allows himself to be guided through the house without his permission. 

The smell of melted chocolate soon becomes prominent, and it’s enough to make Harry’s mouth salivate and his empty stomach growl with desperation. As Mason leads him under the arch that connects the dining room to the kitchen, he hears a low hum of a song he knows all too well, one that he’s heard her sing over a thousand times since meeting her. 

“Y/n! Look who Daddy found outside!” Mason exclaims. 

His sister looks up from her mixing bowl, only to drop the wooden spoon in her hand to the floor. “I-” Her eyebrows furrow together as she stares at him in bewilderment. “Harry? What are...what are you doing here?” 

Harry runs the side of his finger across the tip of his nose twice over, trying to hide the red as it creeps up to his cheeks from the base of his neck. “I actually came here to talk to...you.” He isn’t sure why the last word had come out with a delay, but there’s no use worrying about it now. 

“And it couldn’t wait until Monday?” she asks, still completely perplexed.

“Yeah, Harry. It couldn’t wait until Monday?” Her father interjects, strutting into the room. He stands directly in front of Harry, then circles around him as though scanning him for a disease. “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced,” he begins. “I’m Jeremy, but you can call me ‘sir.’” 

***

It may have taken a while, but Harry is finally able to get her alone. After being grilled about his life story by Jeremy –– from where he was born to where his paternal great grandfather went to university to what his credit score is (Harry doesn’t even know what that means) –– and eating his weight in cookies with Mason (which really wasn’t all that bad), Y/n had excused the both of them, letting her dad know that they would just be taking a walk around the block. 

Despite Jeremy’s disapproving demeanor, he waved them off, closing the door behind them, but not until sending one last glare in Harry’s direction. Mason, on the other hand, had begged for Y/n to take him with them. “But I want to hang out with you and Harry! Daddy is boring!” he had cried as she put on her sneakers. Harry’s pretty sure Jeremy wasn’t too pleased with that last part.

The air feels a lot colder than it did just an hour and a half ago, or maybe it’s just that Harry isn’t the sweaty fool he had once been when he had arrived. This is nice, he supposes. At least there’s no way he can screw this up, but who knows with the way things have been going recently. 

“I can’t believe you rode your bike all the way here,” she snorts. “You could have just texted.”

“Yeah, well,” he laughs, hands buried deep within his pockets and shoulders shrugging upward. He knows all too well that he most likely would never get a response, or if he were to get one, it would be short and to the point. Yesterday he’d asked her about the homework that Señora Gustavo had assigned, which she had promptly answered back. When it came to his follow-up question, a friendly “what are your plans for the weekend?” message, he received nothing in return. 

His eyes are trained ahead, but he still manages to get a glimpse at her in his peripheral vision. “I just really had to see you.” He doesn’t miss the way her lips twitch up just as she looks down to her feet. She tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear, then runs her hands up and down her arms. A part of him debates what to do, if he should overstep himself just this one time. After all, it would be for a good reason, right? 

Before either one of them can proceed to say anything more, Harry stops and slips his varsity jacket from his shoulders. His lips lightly pursing together as he holds it open in front of her. “You look like you need it more than I do.” Y/n switches between him and the fabric hanging from his hands. “You really don’t have to. I can manage-”

“Y/n,” he interrupts. “Just take it.” A close-mouthed smile appears across his face, his dimples only peeking out just barely. “Here,” and he steps behind her, carefully placing it over the thin material of her long sleeve shirt with the faces of the young Beatles on the front. He remains stiff until the jacket settles around her, and he’s finally able to let out the breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding. 

The jacket feels heavy on her body, while still radiating the heat from his body on the inside. A faint aroma of vanilla with a slightly more masculine undertone rises to her nose, and for some reason, it makes her feel oddly at ease and brings this sensation of security down into her bones. “Thanks,” she mumbles, pulling the linings inward for an added layer of warmth. 

He doesn’t answer, her image taking him aback more than he had ever anticipated. Because damn, it’s something he wishes he could get used to seeing. “Uh,” it erupts from the back of his throat like a frightful belch. “Of course.” 

They continue forward, occasionally knocking elbows. This is nice, Harry says to himself. 

“It looks good on you.” 

She peers up. “You think so?” 

“Could never lie to you,” he says earnestly. His own words manage to make him somewhat contemplative, and he guesses that is the reason he’s here in the first place. “Which is actually why I need you to know that...” he starts off slowly, while his footsteps noticeably star to slow down. He looks into her eyes as they stare back anxiously into his. There’s something perceptive in her expression, as though she’s anticipating the worst to come out of his mouth. “I’m not into Zoey.” 

“Oh...” her voice is nearly inaudible as she breaks eye contact. She looks ahead of them, choosing to watch as elderly woman a few houses down water her perennials. “That’s...wow.”

“I just didn’t want you think that we were together or anything. Because we’re not! And I wanted to make that totally clear.” 

“So that kiss...”

“Meant nothing.”

It takes a minute, but as his words sink, the burden she had once lifted in her chest seems to have dissipated. She nods slowly, walking ahead of him, leaving Harry without an answer. A grin slowly appears and rounds the apples of her cheeks, but she would rather him not see that just yet. Once she’s controlled herself, she gives him a look over her shoulder. “Are you coming? There’s a diner a few miles down and you said your treat.”

***

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Things seem to be getting back on track, at least that’s what Y/n likes to think. Sure, sometimes an awkward silence may fall between them every now and again, but the good moments –– them just talking and laughing and enjoying each other’s company as though nothing in the last month had ever happened –– have outweighed all other not-so-pleasnt occasions. 

She’s so thankful, too. Had whatever was happening with her and Harry continued, Y/n is sure she would have gone crazy within the next week, tops! And that’s not just because she shares three classes and few free periods with him –– although, she’ll be the first to say that avoiding someone she sits next to was a particularly trying and tiring challenge –– but because in Harry’s time since starting Ashwood Prep, her best friends have become his best friends. Take Maxxie, for instance, she could never make him choose between the two of them! He’s always had a harder time relating to a lot of the guys in their year, but with Harry it was like an instant connection. They’re practically brothers now, and she couldn’t be happier for him. The best part is that she doesn’t have to pretend to know what he’s talking about when he rehearses for his debates now that Harry is there to do it with him. Even Cici has taken a liking to Harry, and Cici doesn’t like many people (she prefers a close circle of friends, while the rest are mere acquaintances that she has to be forced to socialize with on exclusive occasions).

Y/n can honestly say that she’s pleased with how things are going right now. No longer present is the feeling that used to bite at her insides like a no-good virus. It used to insert itself into her thoughts, even when she was trying her hardest to focus on other things. Now, she feels the weight of the last few weeks finally lifted off her shoulders, and she really can’t complain about much else.  

There is a minor issue that she does have to frequently remind herself of, however. It might as well be the most important lesson she had learned from all this. She has to remind herself not to fall, or at least not as hard as before (she’s still human, after all). The best thing she can do for herself and for her friendship with Harry, for the matter, is to take each day one step at a time. At least that way, feelings can be spared and drama can be saved for more serious events. If only that weren’t just wishful thinking on her part.

“Fine.” She shrugs into her shoulder, trying her best to hide the giddy smile that manages to round the apples of her cheeks. He looks at her with the toothiest grin, the indents of his dimples becoming more and more defined. And gosh, does he look so cute right now. It’s like she’s back to where she started, and that flutter beneath her chest is still just as strong as ever, if not more. “Now get out of here! The last thing we want is for Coach Davis to go on a manhunt.” Harry hops off the stool and grabs his duffle bag. “Right here, yeah? Promise you won’t leave without me?” 

“I swear, you’re so annoying!” she giggles, pushing him towards the door. “Go!” “Hey!” he whines, making himself heavier by leaning back and letting his weight slow her down. She huffs, her arms no match for him as they try to hold him up. “You gotta promise me first, or else I’ll just wait here until lunch.” 

She rolls her eyes, jaw slacking to the side. “I promise I’ll be right here,” she assures him. He turns to her, still a bit unconvinced. She raises her hand to the height of her face, her pinkie finger pointing towards him. “Here’s my promise.” A twinkle sparks in Harry’s green irises. He chuckles softly, then intertwines his pinkie with hers. They remain that way for a while longer, both just alternating their gaze to where they’re adjoined and then back into each other’s eyes. Y/n is the first to speak up. “Okay, so get your butt to the weight room!” And she drops her hand back to her side. 

He does the same, but the smile remains firmly embedded. “Alright,” he blushes mildly, “I’ll see you in a bit.” He sends her a wink before making a sprint for the exit. 

Within the next fifteen minutes, she’s able to whisk together both her wet and dry ingredients, all while multitasking with her Algebra homework that she’s sure she won’t want to do later. As she starts folding the mixture (she’s sure to be extra careful this time since she may have overdone it the last), her ears tingle when the kitchen door opens up. 

She sniggers to herself before turning around. “Harry, I told you that-” she pauses when she sees that it’s not him. “Oh! You’re not...Sorry, about that,” she chuckles nervously.

“Sorry, were you expecting...”  the boy says.

“It’s nothing,” she shakes her head. “I just thought you were my friend for a second there.”

The boy studies his surroundings as he approaches, even stopping to peek at a cake that Miss Genevra had designed herself this morning. He runs the tips of his fingers along the cold metal surface of the table. 

“This might be really forward, but I was wondering if you could help me with something?” he speaks up, adjusting his beanie over his dark hair. He looks up at her with the deepest chocolate brown eyes she’s ever seen, and yet, the longer she stares, the more hidden depth of color she discovers. 

“Uh...sure,” she replies unsurely, wiping her hands on the front of her apron. She thinks she might recognize him as being a year ahead of her. What was his name? 

“I’m Jasper, by the way,” he says, as though reading her thoughts. He peeks over the top of the bowl in front of her. “What’re you making?”

“Y/n,” she returns. “And macarons.” She gestures towards her supplies. “So, what did you need help with?” 

“This is probably going to make me sound like an awful son,” he chuckles lightly, shaking his head, “but I was in charge of getting a cake for my mom’s birthday, and well...I sort of...okay, definitely...fucked up.” The tan skin of his face scrunches in self-disgust. “There’s no bakery within thirty miles that’ll accept a custom order on such short notice and her birthday is tomorrow and my dad’s already on edge as it is, and I really don’t think I can handle that and I heard from a bunch of people that you’re a good baker and I actually just tried one of your cupcakes earlier, so I just thought I’d try to...” he quickly becomes winded after having said it all in one breath. 

She can’t help but giggle at the poor boy. “Okay!”’ she says, patting him gently on the side of his arm. “Just tell me her favorite cake flavors.” 

Jasper gives her a blank look, mouth completely hung open. 

“You don’t know, do you?” 

He timidly looks down to the floor. “I am a bad son, aren’t I?” 

“I wouldn’t use those exact words,” she smiles.  

***

He knows he probably should have taken the workout seriously, but who can blame him? She’s finally talking to him willingly again, and he’s just so excited because maybe now things can progress the way he wants them to. With Zoey hopefully all the way out of the picture (she had given him one hell of a nasty look this morning), he’s feeling the confidence starting to make its way back into his system and energize each one of his nerves. 

Coach Davis yells after him as he dashes out the weight room with a measly parting and the assurance that he’ll bring his A-game to practice later today. He stops in front of the reflective glass outside the principal’s office, fixing his hair, and adjusting the collar over his sweater until it’s near perfection. 

“Harry!” He sees a reflection of Maxxie’s figure drawing closer. “You on your way to lunch?”

“I’ll be there in like three minutes,” he says, giving himself one last look over before turning around. “I just have to pick up Y/n from Home Ec.” 

Maxxie’s brow cocks up. “Oh?” 

Harry takes long strides towards the kitchen. “Save us a seat, yeah? We’ll just be a few!”

When the curly-haired boy disappears around the corner, Maxxie pulls his phone out of his pocket. 

To: Cici

        You’re good, I’ll give you that.

From: Cici

        You should learn never to doubt me.

***

“Alright, I got Maxxie to save us some seats. Are you ready to-” he stops mid-sentence. There’s a boy right next to her, positioned a little too close for his liking. He watches as they hover over Y/n’s notebook, just laughing to themselves. The boy with the beanie gives her a look that Harry wishes he could wipe away because for some reason he feels himself becoming more and more annoyed. Harry’s tongue pokes against the inside of his cheek as a foreign feeling erupts within him like hot lava.

Y/n perks up, instantly smiling when she sees him in the doorway. “Hey! I was just finishing up,” she says. She turns back to the boy. “Okay, so chocolate cake with mocha whipped cream icing, right? Come by after school tomorrow, it should be ready by then.”  

“You’re an angel,” he tells her. “You literally just saved my ass, big time.” 

“It’s nothing,” she says softly as she closes her notebook and caps her pen. “Three o’clock tomorrow.” She gives him a pointed look. “Don’t be late.” 

“It’s a date.”

Harry’s eye might have just twitched a little too violently.

***

[gaming2day]

Zombie Army 4: Dead War - Review

Did you notice that just a few weeks ago, Valve came out and said in uncertain terms that there'll be absolutely no Left 4 Dead 3 anytime soon? Well, the terrible news for several is astounding for Zombie Army 4: Dead War, which couldn't have hoped for better timing. He's here to follow those four-player cooperative steps - except that his zombies also are Nazis, and sometimes once you kill them you get a super-gross gross kill. It definitely scratches the itch, although the few new ideas it injects don't really reinvigorate the genre that Bill, Coach, Zoey, and Francis have built.

It may sound familiar on the entire, but Zombie Army 4 manages to separate itself from the already sizable horde of zombie cooperative shooters in some fun ways. For starters, the story is delightfully absurd, with occult forces bringing the Nazi army back from the dead, apparently from the literal bowels of Hell. His campaign of about eight hours ends with a ridiculous and surprising final battle that's worth seeing uncontaminated. there's also a simplified Horde mode if you only want to remain on one position and see what percentage waves you'll face as you are trying out different weapons. I prefer the variability and forward momentum to play the entire campaign, but the Horde offers many opportunities for intense shootings and last-second wins.

The WWII setting is disgusting and filled with blood, but during a creative way during which I could not wait to ascertain what I might have fought after. I enjoyed facing powerful enemies like zombie flamethrowers with explosive gas cylinders on their backs, Nazi zombie generals whose hearts must be removed to stop them from spawning more enemies and managers like tanks that reveal gigantic ribs when their armored sides are made the jump. And it's made all the more exciting by a superb soundtrack that seems straight out of the classic zombie movie George A. Romero from 1985, Day of the Dead - my only complaint about music is that I wish it had been mixed louder and channeled more often.

There is a layer of strategic dismemberment within the brainless massacre.

There's a little quite running and shooting because the way you shoot zombies encourages you to face the walking dead during a more nuanced way: getting a particular number of kills unlocks special abilities, like enhanced sniper shots or reload of superfast rifles, but you furthermore may have the likelihood to recover health by taking close kills. Killing a variety of zombies from afar to realize the proper to run and recover some health adds a layer of strategic dismemberment to the brainless massacre.

Additionally, there's clearly some Doom inspiration that helps keep the action moving, with some zombies offering ammo, grenades, or health packs if you tread on them after they're defeated. This led to some great moments during which I recovered from being cornered by coitus interruptus an enormous wave, healed myself with close fatalities then trampled on enemies on the bottom to recover ammo before rushing to subsequent target. Where it appeared to me that it had only been done a couple of moments before, I found myself at my best and prepared for everything that happened afterward without even an ammo cache pitstop.

The layouts of the eight levels of Zombie Army 4 (and the smaller final comparison) are neat and do an honest job of contextualizing why you would like to maneuver from point A to point B beyond basic survival. Sometimes you're exploring an abandoned zoo, other times you're getting fuel for a ship so it can make its way down a canal, or you're learning pieces of a bomb to mix at the top of the stage. the amount doesn't look radically different, but all of them have interesting layouts that are fun to explore and are disturbing and disturbing in their own way. The goals are simple enough where you and your friends will never be confused about what to try to next, but interesting and varied enough that it doesn't appear to be you're always doing an equivalent thing. There are never times when cooperative play is required - you'll easily play alone if that's how you roll - but the more players take part the action the upper the problem it automatically climbs and therefore the more important teamwork becomes.

You can easily play alone if that's how you shoot.

I like the crazy sprint to finish this sort of goal, but I used to be less hooked into the areas where you've got to carry your position for a particular period of your time. These defensive scenarios aren't all that common, but curiously enough Zombie Army 4 constantly offers you anti-personnel mines and electric cables that are not that useful when you're on the run rather than preparing for an assault. And even during the checkpoints once you have time to put the traps, most of them went after the primary wave and returned to plain shooting anyway.

The upgrade system is additionally rewarding, to some extent. The persistent progression of the character allows you to deepen across the board, so whether you're in Horde mode, playing the campaign alone or with friends, you'll add new skills like better defense or faster positioning of anti-personnel mines, among others. There aren't enough options to permit you and your friends to diversify and occupy classes with wildly different and synergistic abilities, but it's still worth increasing your skills from one level to a different.

Why should I exploit a machine gun when my rifle electrocutes zombies?

The gun upgrade system, however, is initially exciting but can hit a wall. the ditch Gun may be a personal favorite: by the top of the campaign, I had sped up my refill, boosted damage output, and added bonus damage to electricity. I added similar upgrades to my precision rifle, but after a short time I ended up with a load of weapon upgrades that I wasn't getting to use. Why should I take two steps back and begin employing a machine gun when my rifle electrocutes zombies? Since there are not any lessons, I even have not felt the rationale to travel back to the start line and alter things.

It's a nice touch, though, that once you die you switch into a zombie and watch, without control, as your character approaches the gang and becomes another obstacle for your friends to beat. Once they kill you, you'll regenerate (as long as they do not die first), so it works as a fun handicap to stop instant regeneration - and let's face it, it is also fun to kill your friends' zombie versions.

Microtransaction reaction

Zombie Army 4 at launch represents a good package with a considerable campaign, but a primary season of DLC is already planned and a Season Pass is out there for $ 34.99. alongside new characters and guns and new skins for all characters and guns, the primary DLC also will add three new campaign missions. There also are additional free levels for Horde mode, although at the instant it's not clear exactly when these new contents are going to be available. In terms of what is immediately available, there's a little selection of cosmetic items and alternative guns that are included within the Deluxe edition or which will be purchased individually for $ 4 or $ 5. So far, it doesn't appear to be the DLC content is going to be an enormous problem.

From a technical point of view, I didn't encounter any connection problems, but I had some general bugs. On quite one occasion I found a scenario during which the zombies were coming to infinity, albeit the goal had been completed, forcing us to start out over. I also had a few times when large black bars appeared, obscuring my view of ammo reserves and when my special skills would be available. it had been quite annoying.

The verdict

Zombie Army 4: Dead War feels largely familiar among the horde of Dead 4 Dead-style cooperative shooter, but it isn't without its clever mechanical touches and runs on the oldest computer game clichés: killing Nazi zombies. Between his varied election campaign and a fun horde mode, there are many opportunities for heartbreaking teamwork and gory, disgusting X-ray kills. The weapon's progression system doesn't provide many reasons to expand, therefore the attraction of his replay value isn't as strong because it might be.

[metalgearkong]

MediEvil 2019 - Review (PS4)

10/28/19

Developed by Other Ocean Emeryville / Sony Computer Entertainment, released October 2019

It has risen again! The original MediEvil from 1998 is one of my favorite games of all time, and one of the games I have completed the most. Like other games from the PS1 era, I discovered MediEvil on a demo disc and replayed it constantly. I loved the Nightmare Before Christmas aesthetics and music, and liked that it stared a cowardly bumbling skeleton. The late 90′s was a time of experimentation for 3D action/adventure games, and while some people hold Ocarina of Time or Super Mario 64 as their favorites of the genre, MediEvil has always been my personal favorite. MediEvil II released two years later, but lost a lot of its appeal for me because it took place in Victorian London instead of the graveyards and spooky locations of the original. MediEvil: Resurrection was made in 2005 for the PSP, but was more of a re-imagining of the original game, and not a true remake.

I had heard about MediEvil being remade yet again a couple years ago, but tried to have tempered expectations, and not buy into what could amount to be rumors. I imagined it would be akin to a big screen version of MediEvil: Resurrection, or at least the developers would butcher the original game. Last year was when I saw the trailer for this MediEvil remake, and I felt more confident in it. While most people were anticipating big triple-A or franchise games for 2019, my sights and hopes were dead set on this. Finally, after all this time of waiting, MediEvil 2019 has released exclusively for the PS4, and I couldn’t be happier with the final product. Other Ocean Emeryville has created a deeply loyal and extremely faithful remake of the original game I cherish so much, but I feel like only true fans will be able to truly appreciate it for the accomplishment it is.

Before I talk about the game proper, I have to elaborate on the unexpected odyssey it took to actually get the game going. Not only do I have to make a three hour round trip to the nearest Gamestop to get a copy, the game had to immediately download a day one patch: version 1.01. This update was a massive 16GB, and with my super slow mountainous wi-fi speed, my PS4 predicted it would take at least 50 hours. There was no option to begin the game without this update. I was floored. It put me in a state of blue-balled depression and denial. So I took my TV, PS4, and all the necessary cords, and physically hooked in my PS4 to my work’s ethernet cable in a public building, hoping no one would disturb it. The estimated time dropped to a meager four hours, and it made me feel a lot better. Ironically, my PS4 only realized I didn’t have enough storage space to download the update, and somewhere along the line it quit. Thankfully, it let me play after giving up.

Expectations mean a lot, and leading up to this MediEvil releasing, I intentionally did not do a lot of research on the game in order to discover it in person as I was playing. I didn’t realize this was a fully committed remake of the original. MediEvil: Resurrection disappointed me because it changed a bunch about the game and left out a lot of my favorite levels. 2019′s MediEvil recreates every inch of the original game with modern graphics. I was so thrilled I can’t even describe how cool it was to see one of my favorite games of all time with a new coat of skin, especially because I never thought THIS game would be chosen to be remade. Not only that, but the game uses the same exact audio for most of the dialog; each and every gargoyle head and character Dan meets plays the same audio as I’ve had engraved in my skull for over twenty years, only with new character models and more elaborate animations.

The developers even used the same music for each level, only re-recorded it with only small differences or flourishes. Even insignificant things like textures on a doorway or on the ground were recreated in 3D to look just like they did. I would have been perfectly okay with the developers simply using modern graphics and textures to remake certain pieces of architecture or focal points in this game, but no, every corner of Gallowmere represented the original locations, and I constantly had to pick my jaw off the floor (no offense Dan). Cinematics also play out exactly the same, with the same camera angles and movements. Part of me thinks about how maybe Other Ocean Emeryville could have taken these short cinematics sprinkled throughout the game and elaborated slightly on lore, but that would veer dangerously close to a “re-imagining” territory, and I’m just thankful everything is kept so faithful in the end.

The banished necromancer Zarok has raised an army of the dead to conquer the realm of Gallowmere. Unwittingly, Zarok also brought back to life Sir Daniel Fortesque, King Peregrine's captain of the militia, who perished embarrassingly years prior in an earlier battle against Zarok and his armies. After Fortesque’s death, fables, songs, and legends told of his false bravery and battlefield accomplishments, but now he has the opportunity to live up to his own mythical status as the hero of Gallowmere. I’ve always loved this story, wherein the bad guy accidentally raises the very hero who would thwart him. I’ve always loved Dan because he’s so unlike most knights and heroes. He has to live up to his own reputation, and prove those wrong who know what truly happened. We play as Dan and travel from the hum drum graveyards of Gallowmere all the way through more exotic levels such as a pumpkin gorge filled with demonic pumpkins, crystal caverns filled with Minotaur-like monsters, an enchanted forest containing a demonic prison, and much more.

The first advantage to the modernization of this game was being able to see the Hilltop Mausoleum (the 2nd level) from The Cemetery (the 1st level). It would make sense if you had an expansive cemetery, and the very next level, adjacent to that level, had a massive building on top of a hill, and you could see it from far away. As a PS1 game I’d never expect to see something like that, but with this remake, they had the care to include things such as this, which only helps the world feel that much more real and connected. The controls and mechanics are nearly the same as the original as well, only made slightly more convenient. Dan can still equip a one-handed weapon and a shield, and switch between weapons in a menu. He can block attacks, but only as long as the shield’s HP holds out, until you need to find a new one. Dan has all the same moves as the original, but the more free-form camera makes the game a bit more convenient to play by making platforming and seeing things easier.

As you slay enemies in each level, you fill a chalice, and bringing back a full chalice to the end of each respective level grants you a visit to the Hall of Heores before the next level begins; this world’s version of Valhalla, where the most accomplished heroes of history drink, feast, and arm wrestle for eternity. A side goal of this game is to collect the chalice from every level so Dan can also become a member of this ethereal warrior’s afterlife (twenty in all). This is something I struggled with as a kid, but in the past many years I’ve always gone out of my way to make sure Sir Fortesque gets into the Hall of Heroes where he rightfully deserves to be. Sometimes items can be found in a level which are to be used in entirely different levels, something the game only hints at. Case in point are the Ant Caves, which is a maze-like level hidden within a level that is completely optional to complete (but not if you want all twenty chalices). 

Some of the original game’s drawbacks could be regarded as similar drawbacks for this remake. Criticisms like haphazard combat and imprecise platforming are somewhat the same case here, but I would argue that’s half the point playing as a gangling hero who hasn’t yet earned his stripes. I honestly can’t take an unbiased position on some of the game’s more objective problems, not only because I’m such a fanatic and have played the original so many times, but also because it’s impossible for me to have a fresh perspective on the game. I can’t tell you how hard the puzzles are or how tough the game is simply because I’ve played the original so many times, I’ve gotten used to any perceived problems and solved all the puzzles so long ago. Reviews for this game seem to be lukewarm, and it’s an opinion I can’t share because I’m so impressed by how faithful one of my all time obscure favorites has been recreated.

In fact the very few changes the developers did make I could count on one hand. Mostly these changes have been made to a few of the game’s boss fights. Most of the bosses have always been very easy, especially compared to today’s obsession where bosses are meant to be extremely punishing. I can honestly say the changes are for the better and improve on these boss fights. For example the fight with the captain of the ghost ship has been improved, allowing you to manual aim a canon before firing it at him, rather than running back and forth between two fixed canons, hoping one of your shots hit the captain as he paces back and forth. Another addition are the “Lost Souls” which are hidden collectibles, one in each level that can be found by Sir Dan. This basically makes you replay every level to find the Lost Souls, as they only appear once you’re already near the end of the game. I can’t say I was motivated to find them, at least not right now, since it appears to be a shallow fetch-quest.

Besides getting the game booted in the first place, I did a have a few technical problems while playing the game. These are probably because the version 1.01 patch never actually downloaded and installed, and I may have been experiencing what the developers were trying to fix. One example was a door not opening once I had defeated all the enemies in the room, effectively trapping me there forever, forcing me to restart the level. The problems were mainly things such as this, and I bet I’m the only person in the world who had to complete the game from beginning to end raw without the day one patch. Otherwise the game ran great, and looks good as Hell.

I’m so glad Other Ocean Emeryville didn’t try to subvert expectations or put a clever twist on certain things, leaving it as is. MediEvil 2019 constantly impressed me, and I don’t think I’ve felt this much fan service and satisfaction since the Shadow Moses chapter of Metal Gear Solid 4 from 2008. The music, dialog, weapons, level design, aesthetics, enemies and controls have been painstakingly remade, giving this cult classic an impressive new look. Its the restrictive nature of the developer’s design philosophy I appreciate the most; this is simply a game for the fans, and very obviously by the fans. MediEvil was my most anticipated game of 2019 and I am deeply satisfied and surprised about how well it turned out. Annoying day one patch download aside, I had an incredible time experiencing this remake. While some gameplay flaws might still exist, and those who don’t already love the original may not see it in the same level of reverence, this was a big payoff for me and I’m sure other dedicated fans feel the same. Thank you Other Ocean Emeryville, this has been a wonderful gift.

9/10

[spoadicdeviance]

Simple and Clean: The Kingdom Hearts Conundrum

Well it looks like the hype of the release of Kingdom Hearts 3 has calmed down significantly, mostly due to the fact that the game is considered by many to be lackluster. As for myself, I have finished my first playthrough of the game, on proud mode, and done most of the side quests, and while I did like my experience overall, I can’t really refute the criticisms the game has gotten and have to agree that Kingdom Hearts 3 is a disappointment.

I suppose I can’t be too surprised with how the third game in the franchise turned out considering the direction the series has been on since the second game which is actually the third game released but due the number placed at the title the game is still the second game, and I’ll just stop right now before I go on a tangent over the names of each game.

Kingdom Hearts, to me, is a series that captivated me right at the very beginning. I love Kingdom Hearts 1. It’s probably in my Top 20 favorite games of all time. The game managed to encapsulate the whimsy and charm of Disney, while delivering an epic, yet simplistic tale of adventure, light vs darkness, and friendship. The game was fun to play, and the story kept me engaged to the post credits scene. To this day, the game is still one that I would gladly replay and enjoy in its entirety.

Can’t say the same for the other games.

I know, I’m in the minority here on this, but in my opinion, the Kingdom Hearts series peaked with the original game from 2002 while all subsequent games have struggled under lackluster levels, a combat system that favors style over substance, and a convoluted plot with dull, heavy-handed dialog. Heck, a lot of what made Kingdom Hearts 3 such a disappointment to many players can be found in Kingdom Hearts 2 and (to a lesser extent) Birth by Sleep, the two games fans say are the pinnacle of the series.

Now I’m not simply here to say that I like this game over that game end it there. I’m going to explain why I think the Kingdom Hearts 1 (or KH1) is my favorite game in the series while putting into words my disappointment with the later games in the franchise, particularly KH2 and Birth by Sleep. This is going to be a long one so just get yourself comfortable and wait until you finish reading my post before you comment. Let’s go over why Kingdom Hearts 1 is the best in the franchise.

First things first, let’s discuss the levels in these games. The worlds of KH1 are a lot of fun to explore. While not exactly Thief II: The Metal Age complex, they were expansive and navigating them was more than just going from point A to point B. Some of the worlds were almost maze like in their design. There were light puzzle elements to most of the worlds. There was even platforming that, while clunky, added some variety to each level. These different elements made the moment to moment gameplay more than just brawling and therefore playing KH1 never got stale.

It’s quite a different story for the other games. The worlds in the latter games are straight forward in their design. The worlds were usually a singular pathway with the occasional branching off into a mini path, (Enchanted Domain, KH2’s Halloween Town), or central hub area that branches into three-four linear pathways (Beast’s Castle). Just look at the maps of Agrabah from KH1 and KH2 to see the downgrade firsthand.

Not only did the levels lack complex designs, they also had little to no puzzles in them and instead of tweaking the platforming to make it less clunky, the worlds minimize or flat out remove platforming all together. This resulted in worlds where you mostly just walk and fight.

Now these games are not simply all combat. There is something added that is intended to break the monotony, and it’s one of the most out of place aspects of the game; the forced minigames.

To be fair, having minigames isn’t a bad thing in and of itself, even if its put into the main campaign/quest. Games like Jak and Daxter and Donkey Kong 64 have plenty of minigames, however most of them are optional to beat the game. Finishing DK64 requires 50% of golden bananas and minigames give roughly 25% of golden bananas. Final Fantasy IX and Skyward Sword have the player do a minigame, but it lasts for 2-5 minutes out of a 35+ hour campaign and serve more to entice players to do a side quest. Even KH1, the only moments that feel like the game forces you to do a minigame like activity were the race against Rikku at Destiny Islands, the 1 minute of vine surfing at the start of Deep Jungle, and the 2-minute magic carpet escape at the end of Agrabah.

The other Kingdom Hearts games are not as stingy with minigames. As each world progresses, minigame after minigame is dumped on the player. KH2 is one of the worst offenders of this. It doesn’t help that these minigames, unlike the ones from DK64 and Final Fantasy IX, don’t provide a real break from the endless stream of battles. The majority of minigames are just regular fights with an arbitrary stipulation added to it; fight the enemies before the timer runs out, fight the enemies until the timer runs out, fight the enemies while collecting some orbs, fight the enemies while filling the bar onscreen, fight the enemies while depleting the bar onscreen, fight the enemies while escorting a slow ass character. It’s all just more fighting, and it even spills over to some of the bosses as well.

Even the minigames that aren’t centered around fighting, like the rhythm games in Atlantica, are too shallow to provide any sense of fulfillment while playing them. Subsequent Kingdom Hearts games aren’t exempt from this. From Birth by Sleep’s Disney Town world being dedicated to minigames, to the shallow imitation of Nintendogs in Dream Drop Distance, these games also have the same minigame issue that KH2 has.

I have talked about how the games became more combat oriented, however I haven’t really discussed combat itself. This is probably the part where I’ll get the most flack.

Combat in KH1 is a lot of fun and the highlight of the game alongside its story. While basic at first, the fighting gets more complex with the addition of special moves, extra combos, spells, and summons adding variety to the system. Plus, different enemies and bosses a certain attacks and weaknesses. Mashing the x button repeatedly will not get you far, you will have to think and be strategic during battle.

The later games, however, do not have strategy in their combat. Sure, you have different options with drive forms, shot locks, trinity limits, and other sorts of abilities, but at the end of the day, combat from KH2 onward is mostly whaling on the attack button over and over again. The amount of enemies that require certain strategies to defeat them diminish, dodging becomes practically unnecessary, and combat becomes simplified as a whole

Drive forms and trinity limits require little to no strategy when using them. Just activate them and mash buttons while your character zips their way through the battlefield while all sorts of flashy effects fill the screen and enemies go down without a fight. How fortunate that certain abilities could only be unlocked when the player fights with each drive form for a certain amount of time. Forced grinding, what a treat.

The worst offender of this is the context sensitive “reaction commends” that can clear waves of enemies and knock out a huge portion of the bosses’ health. Sometimes it’s the only way to defeat certain bosses. All the player must do during these reaction commands is simple press the triangle button over and over. It’s like a quicktime event only virtually impossible to fail at. There’s a reason why the phrase “press triangle to win” exists.

Magic also got a downgrade as the series progressed. In KH1, magic was not always at your disposal. When your MP got depleted, the player (or companions) would have to use an elixir/ether or land enough melee strikes on enemies to replenish your magic. Despite that, spells and summons were incredibly useful in battle, as well as for environmental puzzles, and the proper use of magic could mean the difference between success and failure.

In the later Kingdom Hearts games, the inverse seemed to be true for magic. Not only were puzzles that require spells became almost nonexistent, removing more variety in level design, but spells and summons became less effective in battle. In KH1, the player could focus on spellcasting, while doing the occasional melee attacks, and get through the game with relative ease. In later games, due to how magic became nerfed, using magic primarily was more of a self-imposed hinderance rather than an alternative style of play. This results in the player using magic almost exclusively for healing. Lucky for those players, MP automatically regenerates after depletion at a relatively quick rate, making ethers useless, which gives the player an unlimited amount of heals.

After KH2’s release, with the emphasis on style over substance, combat in Kingdom Hearts games became more about how to make the player look cool while fighting rather than making the player feel good after the fight.

The reason why it felt good to complete a battle in KH1; the game was actually difficult. Enemies and bosses didn’t just let you pummel them with combos and stylized forms. You had to react to the enemies and the arena you fought in. Even to this day, fights against Clayton, Ursula, Maleficent (human and dragon), possessed Rikku, many more bosses still put me on edge as I fight them.

There was no challenge to the fights in games like KH2 and Birth by Sleep. Since the player has multiples ways to dispose of an enemy, virtually endless amount of heals, and less adversaries that require any strategy outside of “hit me a bunch of times until I no longer exist”, they face little to no challenge while playing latter day Kingdom Hearts games. Bosses that make creative use of the environment you fight are less frequent too. The only way a boss can begin to test the player is when a minigame-like stipulation is added to the fight. Stipulations such as kill all the water clones in this time limit, put the coins in the chest before you can do damage, whatever the heck the Luxord fight was supposed to be, and so on and so forth.

Even then, I still didn’t get that much of a challenge. After three playthroughs of KH2, two of which were on Proud/Critical mode, the combined total of times I died does not even come close to a quarter of the amount of times I died in my first playthrough of KH1. I never even died during KH2’s Sephiroth fight, and I still struggle to defeat him in KH1’s proud mode. The other games provide even less challenge outside of a few endgame/postgame bosses.

And before you reply, the re-releases did not remedy this issue. In fact, the re-release of KH2 gave the player new abilities that allowed the player to cheese his/her way through some boss fights.

Now I have talked about the level design, the moment to moment gameplay, and the difficulty. I supposed that leaves us with the plot of these games.

Do I even have to explain why KH1 has the superior story?

KH1 had a simple yet effective hero’s journey story about a child who wanted to explore the various worlds with his friends but got more than he bargained for when his home is engulfed in darkness and he’s separated from his friends. He goes to various worlds, forms friendships with numerous people, and learns about his newfound abilities as well as the forces that try to stop him on his quest to find his friends. It’s not the most complex of narratives and that’s all for the better. The amount of exposition is kept to a relative minimum, characters can breathe and are not just there to explain the situation, dialogue was never forced or awkward, each world had their own mini-story that’s both entertaining and connects to the overarching plot, and the story is self-contained, no outside material required to understand what’s going on.

You know the pattern by now, but I still need to elaborate. For some reason, Square-Enix thought that they could pull off this grand epic saga spread over multiple games, well they couldn’t. KH2’s plot is a total mess. It’s a constant bombardment of new ideas, exposition dumps, vague allusions to events from games that weren’t even released yet. It was bad enough that the player had to have played a GBA spinoff in order to understand a lot of the plot, but the narrative was so muddled with inconsistencies and unexplained concepts that two more spinoffs had to be made in order for KH2’s plot to make some sort of sense, even then the plot is still convoluted and heavy-handed.

I’ve seen spiderwebs that have less interwoven parts than the plot of Kingdom Hearts, and far fewer holes as well.

And no, this does not make the story “complex and deep”. While I expect a game called Kingdom Hearts 2 would require me to play the first game in order to get a clear understanding of the plot, that doesn’t excuse having to play multiple spinoffs just to get a iota of a clue of what the heck is going on. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, one of the most celebrated series of books ever, contained an epic tale of war across multiple kingdoms and fleshed out worlds with history and culture. Even then, the reader didn’t have to refer to The Hobbit or The Silmarillion in order to follow the plot of the novels. That’s mainly due to the fact that J.R.R. Tolkien, unlike Tetsuya Nomura, can actually write an overarching story.

There’s also the fact that a lot of the plot in these games feels like filler. In KH2, the first visits to most of the worlds don’t connect to the main plot about the nobodies and Organization XIII. It’s not until the second visit to Radient Gardens where the plot starts to get rolling. In Birth by Sleep, almost all of Aqua’s campaign feel inconsequential until the very end. You could cut her story and have her just be a side character in Ventus and Terra’s campaigns and not much would be lost, plot wise.

The reason why I find a lot of the plot to be filler is due to the stories of most of these worlds are retellings of the Disney movies they’re based on while having little connection to the game’s main plot. In KH1, the stories of the worlds were mostly original tales that were intertwined with the game’s main plot. Whether it was dealing with Maleficent’s group of villains, the search for King Mickey, Rikku, and Kairi along with the rivalry between Sora and Rikku, learning more about the keyblade and its various abilities, visiting each world moved the main plot forward while having fun mini-narratives of their own. Even worlds like Wonderland, Deep Jungle, and Neverland focused more on one scene/act from the movie and expanding on it rather than rushing through the cliff notes of the source material.

It seems like for the other games, Nomura just copied and pasted the scripts of the movies the worlds a based on, added interjections from Sora, and called it an original story. It sticks out like a sore thumb and makes visits to these worlds feel more like distractions than anything else.

This longwinded plot also extends to the dialogue. The dialogue in KH1 was natural, aside from a few moments of emphasizing the difference between light and darkness. Characters acted normally, they had actual personalities and chemistry with each other. That was because KH1’s plot was not domineering to the point where the characters were relegated to just be vessels meant to explain the narrative. In games like KH2, conversations don’t feel like a group of people talking amongst themselves but rather like a lecture that the player needs to pay attention to. It makes a large chunk of scenes drag on for what feels like an eternity.

The fact that characters feel more like lore dispensers than actual people leads me to my next point, I don’t care about these new characters. Almost every character introduced from Chain of Memories onward has left little to no impact on me.

Organization XIII are a bunch of cliché Shonen Jump villains, either cackling at how evil they are or brooding over something quasi-poetic until the main character comes in and inevitably defeats them.

Roxas got a 2-hour prologue in KH2 in order for the player to get to know him and I was more relieved than upset whenever he “sacrificed” himself in order for Sora to wake up. Even 358/2 Days couldn‘t get me to care for this guy.

Xion exists solely to die at the end of 358/2 days and then be resurrected in Dream Drop Distance, that’s it.

Hayner, Pence, and Olette are like the annoying group of kids you’re forced to hang out with during college orientation, then they think you want to spend more time with them afterwards.

Ventus, Terra, and Aqua might’ve been interesting characters if we had more than 10 minutes dedicated to their friendship and personalities. Birth by Sleep is so focused on explaining the origins of Xehanort, the ways of the keyblade master, and linking its plot to the overarching plot of the series, that I never find myself connecting to any of the characters. The three separate campaigns don’t do the plot any favors. In fact, it makes the story seem disjointed. To be honest, when the characters were either killed, possessed, or banished to the Realm of Darkness, I did not care in the slightest.

It doesn’t help that Tetsuya Nomura can only seem to write 4 or 5 kinds of original characters, resulting in everyone being a Xehanort/Ansem clone or a copycat of the Sora, Kairi, Rikku dynamic. Seriously, the amount of Sora clones in this franchise is absurd. 

The worse thing about these new characters is that Square seems convinced that the general audience needs more of them and forces them into the plot at the expense of characters we already have investment in.

The most egregious example of this happens at the end KH2 when during the final fight against Xemnas, rather than allowing the player to use Donald and Goofy, the game forces you to use only Rikku in the fight.

I don’t care that it’s meant to serve as Rikku’s redemption. He seemed to have redeemed himself with his self-sacrifice at the end of the first game. I don’t care about that stupid reaction command in the middle of the battle looks cool. It’s just another example of the game preferring style over substance. I don’t care that I get to fight with Rikku. I want Donald and Goofy.

I know we play as Sora and therefore focus on building his stats/abilities, but we put almost as much time into Donald and Goofy while we played the game. The player had to find the best equipment, do the side quests in order to obtain their ultimate weapon, mastered their trinity limits, managed their A.I. to suit the player’s needs in battle. Then the game rewards your dedication to these characters by saying “Screw you! Here’s a premade character with a default weapon you can’t change, and you only have the final level to learn how he is like in combat. You’re gonna love it.”

I’m sorry, but for an RPG to do that is inexcusable. Imagine in an Elder Scrolls game, before the final part of the main quest, your character is killed, and you must play as a premade Dark Elf Mage for the rest of the game. How about in Persona 5 before the last boss, instead of the Phantom Thieves, Joker gets a party consisting of some random side characters you barely interacted with in the game. Would anyone defend that design choice then?

The fact that I’m forced to only use Rikku in the fight, alongside how easy it is, makes the final battle against Xemnas in KH2 one of the worst final bosses in gaming, in my opinion.

I’ve been ranting about KH2, Birth by Sleep, 358/2 Days, Chain of Memories, but I haven’t talked specifically about Kingdom Hearts 3. KH3 is a weird case because it fixed some issues that I had with the later Kingdom Hearts games while doubling down on the issues it didn’t fix and adding new issues altogether.

KH3’s level design is improved somewhat. There’s still generally not much to do in the worlds aside from walk, fight, and do a minigame, however the actual levels are more open and intricate compared to KH2 and Birth by Sleep. The presentation is the best in the series, not just the graphical upgrade but also cinematography of the cutscenes and animations are more expressive than in past games. Plus, I got to give the game credit for making me like Axel/Lea, who before was just another forgettable side character.

However, combat is even more style over substance with additions like the Attractions Summons. The minigames are still as intrusive as they are lacking in quality. The retelling of the Disney plots is so bad here that there are literally shot for shot recreations of scenes from the movies with Sora, Donald, and Goofy added in the background. The Frozen and Tangled worlds suffer the most from this. Plus, the Pirates of the Caribbean world is based on the third movie despite the fact that no Kingdom Hearts game covered the second Pirates movie. Good luck understanding that plot without seeing the films. Dialogue is just as mind-numbingly dull. Also, you know how the plots of the latter Kingdom Hearts game can be described as having 30-50% filler, well KH3’s plot is almost 80% filler.

All this is combined with new problems such as combat feeling floatier compared to KH2 and Birth by Sleep, the emphasis on Disney over everything else, and the fact that this supposed “conclusion” to the trilogy didn’t fulfill on all the promises of past games, forgot to fill some of the plot holes, and felt like advertisement for games yet to come, makes it hard for me to say KH3 is a total improvement over the other Kingdom Hearts sequels and spinoffs. In many ways, it’s a downgrade.

You know, it feels like Kingdom Hearts is the Guns and Roses of the video game industry. Their first effort is groundbreaking and makes a huge impact on the scene. Subsequent follow-ups do their best to expand upon the initial outing only to end up with well regarded yet still confused end products. Then a new project is in the works and gets constantly delayed during which a revolving door of crew members tries to salvage the development, all the while a talented yet egomaniacal leader is micromanaging every aspect. Then when the long-awaited product is released, reviewers give mild praise while the general public is disappointed and finds the end result to be a mish mash of disparaging ideas while feeling almost unfinished.

Yes, Kingdom Hearts 3 is Square’s Chinese Democracy.

If I were asked to do a tier list ranking of each game in the series, at this moment, it would look like this.

This maybe a bit of a surprise to you since I spent the entire time ranting about KH2’s flaws, so let me explain. After playing KH3, I’ve come to notice more of the positive aspects of the second Kingdom Hearts. While I do think that they serve more to make the game easy and hate the excessive grinding that comes with them, the drive forms do give the player a sense of experimentation with some of these fights. In fact, compared to KH3, 2 has more builds for the player, as well as more balanced. KH2 is still easy as heck, and in my opinion inferior to KH1 in almost every way. However, I now appreciate more of the second game’s strong points.

Also, the music is excellent. I think that goes without saying. Yoko Shimomura is a goddess of music.

So as if this entire post hasn’t made it clear already, I love Kingdom Hearts 1. Unlike the other games in the franchise, it knew where to be straightforward and where to have complexity. It had a robust, dynamic combat system, the plot was self-contained and had more personality than exposition, and the gameplay was varied without being diluted. To this day, I find it hard to understand why most Kingdom Hearts fans prefer games like KH2 and Birth by Sleep over the original Kingdom Hearts.

Who knows? Maybe they like the combat to have some flash and felt the fighting in KH1 is too rigid. Maybe they found the puzzles, exploration, and platforming of KH1 to be more akin to fat that had to be trimmed in service to the aspect of the games that they actually like. Maybe they enjoy the plot because it has such a detailed lore and expands the narrative beyond three guys saving the universe from darkness. Maybe they find the new characters charming and enjoy the parallels between them and other characters like Sora and Rikku.

If that’s how they feel, then that’s more than fine. We’re all allowed to have out take on things and no one should tell someone else that they shouldn’t have their opinion.

That being said, in my opinion, while I do enjoy most of the games in the Kingdom Hearts franchise, the only game that I find exceptional is Kingdom Hearts 1.