#but i don't mind taking it down either
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tired: fox has never done anything wrong in his life he was under control of the chip he didn't mean to kill fives he would never do that
wired: fox was being deliberately, continuously manipulated by palpatine into doing anything he wanted under threat of severe bodily harm, no chip necessary
inspired: fox is a product of brainwashing and genuinely believes in the senate and the republic, which is in constant conflict with the rhetoric he hears from politicians and his general dislike of senators, but that conflict is ultimately irrelevant. he believes in the institution with his entire self. he was born to die for this system and would lose his shit if he started questioning it in any meaningful way. The Institution told him to kill fives so he killed fives, it told him to hunt down ahsoka so he did it, etc etc. conviction that this is all worth it because the republic Can Only Be Right (or else his entire existence and everything the guard puts up with are meaningless) is what gets his ass out of bed in the morning. he'll do terrible things to protect it, and by extension his sense of self, and he won't apologize for it because it's categorically Right in his brain. none of this changes the fact that he's routinely abused by this system, or the fact that he's enslaved by it, or that he has no real choice in anything, only how he personally reconciles it all
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#none of this makes him a cop either so jot that down#it makes him a victim of lifelong conditioning and it makes him delusional but it Does Not make him a villain#seen some RANCID fox takes on this site recently#how precisely the fuck do you get from fox is a member of a security force composed of slaves with minimal autonomy and no choice in their#post to fox is a cop complicit in palpatines plans and therefore a dirtbag because he [checks palm] killed your blorbo#be mad at him sure but the implication that he has all this power by nature of being in the guard is wild 💀#i just don't think chips would be necessary after 10 years of The Republic Is The Only Way being drilled into the clones' brains. not for t#e day in day out of the war#and especially not for the clones who get that lesson most frequently reinforced#ANYWAY.#commander fox#foxposting#fox isn't a dirtbag for doing his job he's a dirtbag because he's an asshole 👍#hmmmm it's almost like the more scifi bullshit like control chips is stripped away the more sw becomes a legitimate social commentary about#control and autonomy and government and systemic oppression#the boys can be dehumanized and manipulated by the existing framework without being mind controlled 🥴#idk where i was going with this but here we are
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#va appeal hearing was today#not a fun time to have to try to granularly recall everything that. yknow. permanently destroyed my body and mind and life.#probably went fine? definitely cried in front of the judge but everyone was super cool about it.#also thank god my wife was there they let her give testimony as both my wife and as a doctor#(which she is)#(obviously)#but like I'm still So Sick and it's all this up and down and we're still fighting to get stabilized so I usually don't have time or energy#to like stop and look around at the quicksand I've been keeping myself afloat in this whole time#but today was very much 'hey tell me about this quicksand huh'#and it's just like a lot to deal with yknow#I'll be fine it's just A Lot#anyway shoutout to the folks who are either kind or nosy enough to read my tag rambles all the time lol#(the actual decision will still take up to 2 more years btw)#(hopefully not! but they said it could)#(although apparently a board denial isn't the end of the road anymore which is news to me)#(maybe they changed it in the 44 months since I filed for the appeal hearing lol)#(not a typo)#favorites
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#ok but fr marking undergrad essays is such a rollercoaster#i gave two very high marks today and was genuinely impressed and then the next three i marked were practically incoherent#one just copy and pasted their intro instead of writing a conclusion. like it's verbatim the same paragraph#i dont mark down for minor grammar and syntax errors because there's a high rate of ESL students...#... but some of the papers from native english speakers have me more concerned about functional illiteracy than I've ever been#these are 19-20yos in a humanities field at a top university! even the highest scoring essay had basic basic grammar errors and vocab misuse#at least i could tell what the student was trying to say there but some of the others...#if your punctuation and spelling and syntax are all so bad that i literally cant tell what you're trying to say there is a serious problem#even setting aside how many errors like these there were there's the flip side of the issue: actually writing an essay#the last one i marked yesterday had no structure or thesis or secondary sources#everything between the intro and conclusion was the same claim phrased in different ways with some irrelevant non sequitur quotes thrown in#no analysis other than the words 'analysis of this shows' which is *gasp* not a substitute for analysis#OH AND OMG#one made a direct claim about a figure's political stance and attached a footnote. i went to see what the student's source was.#the footnote literally said something like 'i know i should have a source here but it's only context and i don't want to waste my word count#like what???? do you think claims about relevant context don't need evidence??? and the audacity to not give a citation...#... and claim it's because it would take too many words away from your main argument??#just providing the actual citation for the claim would have been 3-5 words max but the footnote about not having room was 30 words#kid do you think i can't tell that you dont have that citation? do you think anyone's buying that you didn't include it to save space?#it's the very first footnote and most of the others are full-length bibliography entries jammed into the footnotes (which we don't require)#so either you were 'worried about space' at the first footnote then changed your mind as you wasted 250 words on unnecessary formatting#or you were over the word limit and were like 'gotta cut something!' and the only footnote you 'simplified for space' was a short basic one#^assuming i believed you. which i dont. because why would you think that would fool anyone.#i still have half the essays left. im tired and so disappointed in how little we're told we should expect from them
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an interesting (unpopular? i think?) soukoku opinion i have is i don't think dazai was oblivious to his feelings towards chuuya, like ever. i understand WHY people interpret dazai as having trouble identifying and reckoning with his emotions; i'm not knocking it! there's plenty of evidence to suggest that and also i think it fits with his actions. HOWEVER. for me dazai is the most fun when he's deliberately suppressing and neglecting his own feelings. dazai realizes at the tender age of like 15 that he's at least infatuated with chuuya, and his first instinct is "well how do i compartmentalize that. how do i make sure this doesn't interfere with my plans and our job at the mafia." and then he compromises with his emotions by keeping chuuya close but not allowing himself to seem too affectionate or "trick" chuuya into liking him back. i think this version of dazai is most compelling to me because then the struggle isn't "get blockhead dazai to realize he's in/can love" its "get blockhead dazai to realize he's allowed to indulge in love" which is much more fun, especially when you have seven (or even more, i don't think this mindset would be limited to chuuya) years worth of distancing himself from his own emotions to contend with.
#putting the more negative parts in the tags i think another reason i'm not partial to the “dazai is oblivious to his own feelings” headcanon#is that it sorta implies that dazai isn't self-aware?#which like. he clearly is. i think moments when we (the veiwer) think he isn't self aware is the result of the MEDIA not being self-aware#<- talking about his treatment of akutagawa and other such failures. “don't pity yourself” moment. the whole father thing.#dazai doesn't acknowledge these flaws because the source material doesn't think its a flaw either#but i digress. my point here is that i personally think dazai is so painfully self-aware that it turns into over-rationalizing himself#dazai's emotions to him are just as irrelevant as his physical needs and such like that.#does this make sense? idk#example i'll give: his character growth as he trusts the ada and works less utterly on his own mind#i think dazai is capable of seeing his own trust issues and what not from the very beginning#but it's only after it's been proved to him that him that no total control isn't the most logical option#and in fact trusting his allies CAN work out without pulling every string#that dazai beings to take down (a few) of his walls#its not that dazai doesn't know he has feelings. its that they aren't relevant to him#they cause him grief#fuck up his plans#and (to him) need to be squared away and dismissed as soon as possible#i know that isn't in line with the no longer human novel but WHATEVS#my hcs#bsd#skk#bsd dazai
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ok i've been meaning to send this ask all day but never caught the time. I see so much haikyuu on your blog lately! Tell me more! (funny thing is we are doing a rewatch at home too!) tell me your story and EVERYTHING you want. And also!!!! i can see you shipping hinata and kenma?
OK ok, strap yourself in because I cannot guarantee that this will make any sense. But I’ll do my best.
To be off to a great start, I do not remember how I got into Haikyuu. One day it wasn’t and the next it was. From pictures I have I can say that I was into Haikyuu in my last year of middle school (so 2015-2016). By then I already had mangas but I’m pretty sure I was first attracted to it by the anime so I’d already seen the first season (and maybe the second too) and I had started buying the mangas.
(I shall put a read more here cause this post is LONG, beware!!)
Pictured below is one of my productions during my mandatory stage de troisième. I was in a graphic design agency and I was shy so I’d eat real fast at lunch time and use the rest of the time drawing and my supervisor saw me one day and offered to give me an exercise around it that would make me both enjoy what I was doing and also understand more stuff about graphic design. He was awesome. He really went with all my little cringe interests and encouraged me. The exercise he gave me was to create a cover for Haikyuu. I had a lot of fun with the lettering, understanding the dimensions and everything. He then made me create a brand, understanding why brands are called what they are, making my own logo, and then I worked on one of their (maybe) projects.
(top is the cover I did, the second one is what I was working on when he gave me the assignment, last on is me being crazy and drawing yaoi in a room full of adults at 14 and them going good job, you wanna keep drawing ?)
Yes I already had a favourite character but it will become more apparent soon. I got really into volleyball because Haikyuu made it look so cool. I was never a sports guy so it was really hard to want to have fun while being so bad with endurance and athleticism. All I had to my name was my flexibility because of dancing for years. Once again I think I was very lucky with the people I met. My PE teacher was really nice and could have just let me skip the class but he didn’t. Wait no, this needs more context. I didn’t have many friends in middle school. I spent the first year with nobody. The second year someone approached me and more or less dragged me in the world of people and friends (once again, I met an amazing person that was just selflessly nice to me). She got me speaking to people and I met my friends through her. My best friend from elementary had abandoned me in a matter of days after we started middle school so I felt very awkward in all situations. Anyway, I had a few people I hung out with but that was about it. I wasn’t exactly the bestest of friends with them but they accepted me even if I was awkward and didn’t talk much. They all knew each other for a while and were much closer (and popular), so when PE would come around I didn’t have anyone to pair up with. SO, my teacher instead of turning a blind eye offered to help me with the volley practice (this was in quatrième (before last year of middle school) if I remember right ? but it must not have been before I learned about haikyuu). He took the time to make me practice everything and explain everything and honestly I think that helped a lot with my general technique cause otherwise there’s a lot I would not have understood or just learned wrong and would have to readjust when I got to high school.
Back to last year of middle school. My mind has been overtaken by Haikyuu cause it’s brilliant. I dabble in cosplay and I have no money I can use to buy an aliexpress one (yes the dreaded website but we would go there at the time haha) but I want to cosplay Haikyuu. Lucky me, I have found a group of cosplayer on Paris for the next Paris Manga that’s doing Haikyuu ! I was so pumped up. And they didn’t have my character but they did have his partner so we were all excited about it :) My parents were not very thrilled about it all because I was still just 14 and they were mostly adults but my mom still helped me make my own jersey! I still have it but I’m 100% sure it doesn’t fit anymore :’) Here is me starting to fall for the sport and the cosplay progress pictures I still have
(still so proud of it, I did everything by hand !! and last pic is me with a volley ball cause I was a little deranged already)
Yes I was Akaashi, I loved that character. Acting all polite but an overthinker much with a dash of mischievous and admiration for the people around him. Also nothing grand about him like so many of the characters, but he could still hold up with them. I think I have somewhere on my computer a picture of our group but first I don’t know where it is and second you can only see my face on it so I have no picture of my finished cosplay haha. The con was amazing, I had so much fun with these people, we started hanging out a little more often and going to all the anime cons around Paris as a group and we did more group cosplays. I loved it. However at this con I lost my phone and it was in February so when I needed my dad to come pick me up I had to wait for 45 minutes in short shorts and a thin jersey :’)
After that I kept enjoying Haikyuu as one does, and high school started. Oh high school, a lot happened there. First thing I did was being reborn ! And even though it wasn’t much and only social it helped me be a little more free already. Free enough to allow myself to pursue a certain sport I was looking forward to. Yeah I got the volleyball bug. I was so happy my high school had a volleyball “club” and the first day of it we were only two. It was me and another guy, even smaller than me, who had also loved Haikyuu but we didn’t talk much about it. He was just as fired up about it as I was and we really pushed each other to become better. I don’t know what he’s become now but I hope he kept playing volleyball.
Anyway we were off to a great start with…two players. But still our coach/PE teacher was kind enough to teach us. We managed to have a few more people to come now and then but it was rough the first year. In my three years (well two but that’ll come later) we never had 6 “full time” people in the club so any kind of competition, even to get completely massacred by the other teams, was out of the question sadly. We would play on a concrete court ! It was REALLY rough haha ! But these courts were situated in a sort of closed courtyard space that was surrounded by school buildings and on the top floor were the Prepa classes (preparatory classes to get in higher education schools like engineering private schools for anyone not French reading this). Unlike the rest of my classmates, they liked playing volleyball. They were soooo tall compared to us but they would play with us and teach us some stuff and they were really good compared to us. Thanks to them we got the actual practice we needed cause you can’t learn enough by just playing 3x3 or worse 2x2 with people who can barely keep the ball in play (I was one of these people, I get to trash talk past me).
In my first year of high school I was taking riding lessons at the military school since we wouldn’t be able to go to our family’s house village with the more apparent divorce and moving out and other difficulties. It was an experience and I don’t regret doing it but it wasn’t a great place. I stopped the next year. And then…then I have memory problems. I cannot remember if it was during my second or last year of high school that I did it, but I would say it was during my second year of high school, that I entered an outside volleyball club. It was a Sunday lesson, it was all adults and it was for beginners. We would mostly do matches but sometimes they would focus on serves or hitting (I only remember one lesson about it though lol). It was super cool, I got to play volleyball on the Wednesday with my school club, whenever at lunch break when the Prepa were playing, and the Sundays at my outside club. By then, I don’t think I was reading or watching much of Haikyuu. I think I might have gotten my adhd ass hooked on something else while waiting for the next season and I had fallen in love with volleyball for the playing not just Haikyuu by then. Also something that I’m working on (and I’ve noticed it has gotten better already) is that I have a hard time appreciating watching people do something I love (usually a sport) as much as I appreciate doing the sport. For example, I never enjoyed watching any horse jumping competition even though I love doing it. I think it might come from the fact that I am bad at the things I love and therefore cannot truly appreciate what’s going on. As of right now I watch volleyball matches and rallies and really enjoy it.
Last year of high school rolls around the corner and…our PE teacher/coach tells us that they are closing the club down cause we aren’t enough and she would rather not run from our practice to the badminton’s practice (that she also coaches) and only work with the badminton’s club. After all they had the regional and potential national champions there meanwhile we had no hope of ever participating in a competition. And I had learned at my last lesson at my outside club that since we weren’t enough coming to the practice they would close down their beginner lesson. It was a bit of a shock to go from two practice per week to none at all. I missed volleyball. I accepted to participate at the badminton’s practices (cause it’s also a sport I like but at leisure, not on a competitive level, and less than volleyball) but it was just to keep me doing something. What happened though is I got to choose which sports I wanted for my BAC (high school diploma) since I was in a club the year prior and I chose the one with volleyball and I aced that. I only resented the top players of our group a little cause it wasn’t their sport at all but since they were pretty athletic and good at sports in general they had no problem being good at it when it took me sooooo long :’) yes I am petty.
Then I don’t know what the heck happened. Well yes I know but I don’t know why when I arrived in Montreal in my school I didn’t try to get into the volleyball club. Anyway, I didn’t play for a whiiiiile, years ! And the only reason I did again was because my best friend’s parents ( @nyaoi-warrior ) invited me to play with them and their friends when I visited. I was bad at communicating when I was playing in France (I often forget to say “j’ai”) but this was in Czech Rep, and we couldn’t communicate in English. It was HARD but I had so much fun !! My team lost all of the sets but it was so cool :D
Recently I was looking for something in my old stuff in the basement of the building. I didn’t find it but what I did find were my old Haikyuu manga. And oh god the flame it awoken in me. So anyway here is me a few weeks later with a volley ball in my hands, I’ve found a place I can sneak in just for the end of the year and I’ve been looking at clubs I can enter (and hopefully get better and then do some competition).
Now more about Haikyuu. What an amazing sports manga/anime it is. Of course, with the protagonist being a spiker most people when they start volleyball because of Haikyuu want to spike. I was lucky enough to be in the tall half of my year in high school but now I am tiny compared to most volleyball players. And a thing I love in volleyball I quickly discovered is diving for the ball. I’d be running far back or on the side, sliding until my knees burn to keep that ball in play. I thank Haikyuu for giving each role a time in the spotlight in almost every game they play, cause with what we learned in my school club or outside club I would never have heard of the libero. Ofc when you play for leisure having a libero is a bit meh but now I know that if I ever want to play competitive this is the role I should gun for (or maybe setter but I’m still pretty small so idk).
I just finished watching the season 4 recently and I’m on my way to catch up, and then finish with the scans (and then buying the mangas too). I got spoiled about what happens at the nationals after season 4 and what happens after, the time skip etc but just in the grand lines and I’m fine with that. I don’t think that it takes away from it too much. And (IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AFTER/DURING TIME SKIP DON’T READ BUT ALSO WE WON’T HAVE A FULL TIME SKIP ANIMATED SO IF YOU’RE JUST WATCHING THE ANIME I’D SAY MIGHT AS WELL READ IT BUT ALSO IT’S EVERYWHERE SO YOU MIGHT KNOW IT ALREADY) I freaking love Hinata in Brazil. It’s very funny to me too cause here is this little dude who got me into volleyball, with whom I had an anime-level betrayal and tragedy with my clubs, and now I’m learning Portuguese because of my Brazilian friends and I wanna go to Brazil and HE WENT TOO ?? That was hilarious to me. Maybe I should look into beach volleyball hehehe.
About the ships; I started with the “basic” ones, the most obvious ones that come from the strong bonds and non-stop interactions and how they are shown as more or less pairs by the manga/anime (so kagehina, asanoya, daisuga, bokuaka, etc etc etc) but I am a multi shipper now. I don’t know I have a much more relaxed approach to shipping now, especially for big casts where there isn’t clear cut villains, same with one piece. They all have great relationships with everyone around them and I like many of them. And yeah I stumbled upon kenhina recently and I really like their dynamic. I love kagehina just as much, and also the hilarious way Hinata seems to fascinate all setters. I have seen some really funny tsukkihina fanarts too. I’ve put a lot of stuff in my queue so you got some yakunoya coming soon as well haha. Also from what I’ve heard (haven’t got to see it yet) (yes the premiere was Sunday and it’s only out today) that the movie has big kenhina energy so I’m here for it.
This little red-head guy just makes me so happy. I’m so glad I got to discover one of, if not my favourite sport out there (and that says a lot coming from a horsegirl) and I want to keep it in my life. I’m asking around for clubs and selections and I hope I am accepted. And I’ll be celebrating my birthday watching Olympic volleyball matches :D
OH ! Another thing. During my intensive studying period for my current school’s diploma, I was with friends and before we started studying each morning we would put on music or some kind of stuff, and we put anime opening blind tests and one of them had the first Haikyuu opening (which is still my favourite cause yk…it’s the one that started it all) and I was hit with a wall of memories…yeah :’)
I think that’s all I might have forgotten a few things, I don’t know at this point.
I can’t believe you got me writing more about volleyball, in English, in 2 hrs than I’ve written for my THESIS in a WEEK. This is 5 word pages WITHOUT THE PICTURES.
#asks#long post#sae#that was so much fun to write down but then again I love talking about volleyball#I'm so glad you're rewatching it !! I sometimes get a little scared when I go back into a fandom and drown the dash with it#but everyone has been so nice with it hahaha#I hate past me for never really getting into sports and now I have to do all the work to get my body in good shape for volleyball#ffs past Leska what the fuck#then again I know that there's a lot of things I couldn't do back then because of either family life or me trying to understand and live#my identity and yeah no playing volleyball with a binder is the worst idea possible i do not recommend but now I can play freely#i'm crazy enough that I'll believe in the possibility of going pro one day but at the end of the day I just wanna play volleyball :3#thank you so much haikyuu and thank you so much furudate you reached your goal : you got people into volleyball#I hope i answered what you wanted me to and I didn't just take a totally different route D:#anyway I hope people don't mind the onslaught of haikyuu fanarts I reblog I try to put them in the queue so they're not there all at once :
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✨️✨️✨️ requesting sherry facts pls and thank you :3 <3
Sherry facts coming right up!!
✨ If she appeared in canon, Sherry would (currently) have ten Identities--sorted as follows:
- R. Corp Commander ~ 000 - Rosespanner Workshop Fixer ~ 000 - Seven Association South Section 4 Director ~ 000 - Night Awl Right-Hand (Walpurgisnacht ID) ~ 000 - T. Corp Class 3 Collection Staff ~ 000 - Zwei Association South Section 5 ~ 00 - Cinq Association West Section 3 ~ 00 - Öufi Association South Section 3 ~ 00 - Devyat' Association North Section 3 ~ 00 - LCB Sinner ~ 0
I think it's amusing she has so many Association IDs, especially since she's critical of them in her LCB ID--she does lend a hand when certain Associations request her service, but she isn't fond of them.
✨ Since I'm talking about what she'd have in-game, I also want to share the finalized list of Sherry's (current) E.G.O!
- Default (Currently Unnamed) ~ ZAYIN - Lasso ~ TETH - Bygone Days ~ TETH - Pursuance ~ HE - AEDD ~ HE - Frost Splinter (Walpurgisnacht E.G.O) ~ HE - Everlasting ~ WAW
✨ Sherry does appear in a handful of Mirror Worlds as an NPC of sorts--notably in the Pequod and MultiCrack Mirror Worlds, where she works as an innkeeper and a Workshop Fixer, respectively.
However, in some Mirror Worlds, she appears as a manifestation of one of her E.G.O--for example, Lasso!Sherry appears in the same Mirror World as Wild Hunt!Heathcliff.
#I've been thinking about these for days now so I'm going to take this opportunity to share my finalized plans for Sherry's IDs/E.G.O /lh#believe me when I say narrowing these down was NOT easy ...#I do still want to give her a Season 1 E.G.O since every Sinner got one but I need to wait until the Sinners start getting their 8th E.G.O#THEN I shall give Sherry either Roseate Desire or Ebony Stem--depends on which one I resonate more with#thank you for the ask!!#the Book of Icarus ☀️#si: to a great mind‚ nothing is little 🤎#LCB Sherlock#limbus oc#don't forget to write#scattered pages
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I feel like tags like these were inevitable on the post about people traumatising themselves for the greater good or w/e... There is SO much emphasis on posting on tumblr and other social media being so important and so useful and we must never stop. But I would like to counterargue with the idea that posting on social media (especially tumblr) constantly does very little/nothing. If that was true then the point here becomes meaningless.
#i guess i must be broken according to this person because i don't seem to feel emotions the way they feel helps palestine#activists in palestine are also calling for a general strike where no one goes to work and that has yet to materialise in a meaningful way#because people keep watering it down by saying 'oh it's ok just post constantly/about nothing else than palestine on social media'#yeah awesome great- look i'm sure there are people in palestine saying get the word out about our suffering etc#but they are also calling for more meaningful symbolic gestures like strikes which as far as I know no western country has delivered#because that would take a lot of organising and much less guilt tripping and people spending all their time posting#and comfort always comes up- comfort and discomfort- what even is comfort?#is feeling ok in your own mind an insult to palestine?#are there people losing everything in wars feeling better because someone in the west feels really really bad about their pain?#like sorry to be facetious but what on earth does any of this rhetoric accomplish#i spent years thinking like this and it made me so sick and now i'm better i am DONE with it- i cannot go back to this thinking#i can only live if i bend away from this kind of thinking like a plant to light- and i want to help others but people just won't stop#please- post on social media if you like. it doesn't help anyone to view the depths of their pain and feel bad#it is better to look towards hope a ceasefire and a resolution and end to the killing of palestinians for good#that can happen!!!#i think avoiding misinformation and dehumanising rhetoric about either side is also very important#i fully believe you can only understand geopolitics and war if you see everyone as human
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Sapphic YA Book Rec: Good Moon Rising by Nancy Garden
1996 follow-up to Annie on My Mind, this time featuring 2 girls who compete for the lead role in their high school theater department.
Links to download:
Internet Archive (to borrow)
Anna's Archive
Singlelogin.re
LibGen
#book recs#sapphic ya#nancy garden#annie on my mind#good moon rising#*kicks the door down* WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!!! A PDF SCAN IS FINALLY HERE INSTEAD OF THAT CRAPPY TINY EPUB I HAD TO READ FOR 10 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!#it's very similar to Annie. which isn't a bad thing if you're a fan. hell yes 2 cakes etc. (i definitely won't deny it though)#rivals to lovers version of Annie. what's not to love?!#i've always personally preferred this one for several reasons. larger cast of teen peers. all characters centered around working on#the Big Play makes the whole plot a smidgen more grounded than Annie's courtroom pastiche (not that i don't love it)#plus. well. doing theater and reading The Crucible are exact activities from my own teen years. so it's the same appeal of featuring art#but more personal and relatable lol. and yes i did first read it at the time when i was in school but i sincerely still like it to this day#that *cannot* be said for most other books i read in that era; both older and newer; both YA and not YA!#of course you have to be down with YA which it's fine not to be. but imho there's a layer of intrigue to both books due to their age#that makes it a somewhat different exercise than broader 'trying to read YA as an adult'#there's actually a third one of hers- yes basically another take on the same story again- called Nora and Liz that's for adults#which i would recommend instead if you truly cannot rock with YA. although... stylistically... it's not really that different either. lol#anyway stan PEAK in the IDEAL FORMAT FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#the third site is actually of course zl*b but they have so many seo issues with scammers that i think it's best to not use that name at all#@ the sole Annie stan i saw in the tag: pspspsps#oh wait: like its predecessor the book is largely About homophobia. queen garden never skipped an Issue for each book. so tw for that
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i <3 feeling like i'm literally always making the wrong choice
#every passing day i dig a little deeper the bottomless debt i owe my parents#monetarily and morally#and god i wish i could kill myself but noooooo i tried again and i can't fucking do it i can't#so i just. i don't know i want to be incapacitated i want to be in the psych ward forever.#i don't want to fail and never make enough money to pay for their retirement home#i don't want to have to visit them every god-knows-how-often#i don't want to be fifty years old and still having to exist in relation to my parents#and god they've done nothing BAD i shouldn't want to cut all contact with them#but it's so. i don't know. i don't know how people even do it.#like you always have to come back home you always have to act right you always have to think abt them and text them and call them#and nothing you do is ever right and you want things that can't coexist with their happiness and peace of mind#and you're an asshole in every way you're an asshole deep down and you're an asshole outwardly too#but you can't stop wanting stupid things and acting weird and demanding#and it's a curse upon them to have you near but it's literally so fucking ungrateful of you to stray away a little#and you still do it because you can't stop wanting to follow things instead of keeping to your resolutions#and trying to do the best for them#and nothing is ever the best for them it's always just bad choices cause you shouldn't even exist you're just wrong you're born wrong#you don't want things that are good for them too and you're not capable of good things#dad wants to go on vacation at his family's like twice a year. mom want to stay home and take care of business and relax this year too#even now that grandma is gone and doesn't require her to be near. cuz emptying the flat & all of that.#and it's just. cool cool i make the wrong choice whichever way.#if i stay with mom i'll make dad's family sad and inconvenience my mom and leave dad alone#if i go with dad i'll leave mom alone (also alone to work on the flat) and i'll be an annoying asshole to dad and his family#because i'm too stupid and egoistical to pretend to be fine with things that mildly inconvenience me for five seconds#and either way i won't do any fucking work because i'm a sad piece of shit and i'm going to fail the fuck out of school next year#broadcasting my misery#vent
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//Got hit with an idea for Lambda
#//you know when he's the one that takes charge sometimes?#//what if someone cums in him and he's like 'oh good job! now clean it up :>' while he's either laying down or standing right over them-#//-and he's just barely hovering over their mouth#//and it's so whoagh#//anyways don't mind this i had to jot it down quickly#recharging... {ooc}
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i think i finally found a semi-famous (?) blog that blocked me lmao
#why did they block me (a very small niche blog) tho?#they're in the thg/tbosas fandom and tried to reblog a coryo gifset... but couldn't. i couldn't see their blog either so obv they blocked me#..... i haven't even interacted with them as far as i remember. like ever sjdhhd#i'm not taking it personally i swear. but i'm genuinely curious#was it because of the coryo/katniss insanity from the other day?#(do i really need to specify that i don't want her to fuck actual octuagenarian snow? i just find their dynamic super interesting#but i'd certainly be down for some time travel/deaging/whatever fic)#was it because i said coryo did love (... in his own way) lucy gray in the tags of a reblogged post?#i mean. he did have strong feelings for her that much is obvious. he's was just vaguely creepy and possessive about it#and he also loved himself and power more than a girl he'd known for like. 3 months#(i'm not excusing his actions. he *is* an asshole mind you and will only get worse. but that's his reasoning)#or was it because of the usual suspects - i ship r.eylo? shhdhdhhf#i mean this is genuinely funny#there are so many problematic call outs that could be made about my taste in fiction#that at this point i wouldn't even know where to begin shdhhfhfh#val speaks#txt
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I get it. I'm quite the catch. I'm flattered, but I'm hopelessly in love with my wife who can't get enough of me. I'm a lost cause. You're gonna have to find your own fucked up White boy and fix him for yourself.
#ph4wg#ph4wg original#I don't get it either#hottest real women I've ever seen mooning at me?#checking me out?#showing down blouse on purpose and watching me#i feel like I'm taking crazy pills#actually i think they are just silly young women still figuring out the world and happy to get the one semi good looking Prof#and I'm charming and funny#and strangely manly#fatherly#and sensitive.#probably the first sensitive and emotionally in tune man she's met#who exhibits deep empathy#and acts on it#it's like catnip for women#even the gay guys?#you're sounded by student athletes!#hottest women outside of my wife mind you#😅🍳🍳🤕#and I really do keep my eyes up#and I really do distance the moony or flirty ones#you made your choice to act and actions have real consequences including losing out on my best jokes#I adore my wife.#And I work really hard to head off any advances and keep things congenial and professional#it's best for everyone#and I hate awkward interactions#imagine working with someone for years after they tried to sleep with you#so fucking awkward and how the hell do we even talk in meetings#that is why I guard my marriage so proactively
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Not loving this increasingly weird behavior in fandom where they'll look at a female character behaving in certain ways and go "ooooh that's so hashtag girlboss, feminism wins uwu", but then you look deeper into it and she's actually just behaving out of fear or deep rooted trauma
#Sunny Life#cw: controversial takes in the tags I guess#spraying the BG/3 fandom with water for doing this to Lae and Shart#like does Lae hate the idea of having children or does she hate the idea of being FORCED to become pregnant against her will#just because her fascist queen demands it of her#not only is she one of the only companions who can end up with a child but she actively enjoys that role of caretaker#bc it was a choice she made and not one forced upon her#I want kids myself but I'd be terrified at the prospect of some sort of state mandated pregnancy that would be impossible to refuse#or thinking it's sooo feminist that Shart doesn't wanna be tied down to a relationship when that's so very obviously#bc she's in a doom cult that frowns upon any personal relationships like do you think those two are completely unrelated???#don't worry about how the context changes as you go through their personal journeys just take all the early game stuff at face value#there's nothing inherently wrong with either of these things btw I just think context is important here#instead of just boiling it down to ''wow such feminism uwu'' bc it goes against whatever gender norms exists in our own world#if you read all of this hello welcome to my twisted mind#I feel like this is the kinda post that would get me hate mail if I had a big account lmao
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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Reasons why people want me to sympathize with Mrs Bennet: she was scared, she was doing her best!
Me, after my niece has been coughing all day non-stop (I'm not even exaggerating, a cough every 3 minutes or so): NOBODY HAS ANY COMPASSION ON MY POOR NERVES
#I guess#she's fine#it's a dry cough and she doesn't have any difficulty breathing#is not running a fever or out of spirits or in pain#don't worry#just a 4 year old that refuses to not screech every time she is in a conversation or to blow her nose properly#never have I ever felt more sympathy for Mrs Bennet#while she was taking her nap I had to go sweep the sidewalk because I felt I was going to explode#this does not bide well for my odds of becoming a mom does it#mind you my nephew wasn't roses either when he was her age#but he listened to reasonings and could be made to calm down and cooperate#he never drove me up a wall this way
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#I'm so tired explaining to my nt parents my “ disordered eating''#YES I'M FUCKING AWARE THAT NOT BEING HUNGRY ISN'T NORMAL#i figured that shit out over my 18 years on this planet#food sometimes makes my want to gag#i find it really unappealing#I'm not hungry a good amount of those times#or just too tierd to put the food on my plate#ik shocker that's not normal either#but i can't help it#if i could i fucking would#telling that it's not normal doesn't actually help me with it#idk what's wrong with me#and yeah i don't care that much about fixing it#I'm tiered always stressed and doing many other things to fix this#i take advantage of it though to a degree bc dieting and loosing weight has been on my mind since preschool#it's sad af#i remember looking down at my stomach and thinking that i need to loose some weight#i remember how sad i was the next couple of days bc i couldn't restrict myself from eating as easily as i could in the past#i was probably 5 fucking years old but at this point is a core memory of mine#i wish i could love eating again as much as i did#but i can't#whatever is wrong with my head has messed with my appetite so badly that i can't go back#diet culture has convinced me that gaining weight is bad even though I'm underweight and need to#but same as the last time this happened i don't do it on purpose this time at least I'm self aware enough to stop it before it reaches the#point of starting to loose my hair#it's messy and complicated i don't know how to fix it but their response doesn't help either it makes things worse
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