#but i do think a lot of that was sort of his subconscious acting out deeply repressed desires | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

leonenjoyer69 · 1 month ago

Text

After sitting half finished for forever, I finally present Lanyon's Mindscape!

I spent quite a while coming up with everything and developing things in a way that connected very heavily to Lanyon's character (as well as Elias's) for my Lanyon Takes the Potion AU, so I'm very happy to finally share it! I mentioned it a while ago on the QnA with @arythusa , but here's the whole long summary!

I have a reason for each and every detail and choice, so if you have any questions, leave them in the reblogs or comments and I promise you I would LOVE to answer them :3 also, reblogs would be very appreciated, I put a lot of work into this <3

Now, let's begin!

The Mindscape

A twisting mansion of halls, doors, and spiraling staircases, Lanyon's mindscape is a vast, extravagant space.

Most of the mindscape has an inherent purple hue; grand chandeliers also bathe the upper, more "frequented" areas in a golden light. However, the deeper you travel, the more sparse these golden lights become.

Lanyon doesn't have the same odd "compartmentalization" abilities that Jekyll does, leaving his mindscape much messier and more confusing, with very little of it being any sort of "organized". Furthermore Lanyon hasn't ripped himself down to a shell of a person like Jekyll has; nor does he suffer from the same self hatred as Jekyll and Hyde, making his mindscape much more lively.

Residents of the mindscape include mind versions of: Jekyll, Everly, Lanyon Sr., Lanyon's mother (though she acts as more of a ghost,) the shadow people, and the Nightmares™.

THE ROOMS AND LAYOUT

THE HALLS

The halls are long and confusingly twisty, covered in unmarked doors, blurry portraits, and golden chandeliers, as well as other occasional decorations and clutter. There are very few doors that actually stand out enough to know they're special, like the ballroom, greenhouse, library, alchemy room, and Lanyon Sr's office. Most of the special rooms are near the surface, never moving, as their influence on Lanyon's character and memories are too strong to be moved from near the subconscious.

Memories, however, do tend to shuffle around a bit, even moving between floors depending on how much Elias or Lanyon is thinking of it. This shuffling has the ability to bring nightmares up from deeper levels to the more "safe" ones.

Many of the halls tend to lead in circles or straight into dead ends, and some doors simply lead to more hallways.

THE POCKET WATCH

To combat the twisting and turning, Elias eventually realizes that his "broken" pocket watch acts more like a compass, pointing him in the general direction of where he wishes to go. Mindkyll also has a pocket watch like this, being one of the more mobile mind people (despite his slight limp.)

The pocket watch has the normal larger clock face, as well as a smaller one for "seconds". The hands all spin aimlessly until a destination is thought of. The hour and minute hands work together for general direction like a compass, while the seconds tell the level, with straight up/forward being a higher level, down being a lower level, and horizontal being the current floor. Elias only figured this out with Mindkyll's help.

Elias, Lanyon, and Mindkyll all have an inherent attachment to their given watches, and when they're in other hands or removed from their persons, they feel more lost and confused, as if they have brain fog.

THE LIBRARY

Lanyon spends a decent bit of his free time reading and watching plays and productions, so it only makes sense for him to have a grand library filled with the fleeting memories of these pasttimes.

The bookshelves are oppressively tall, and despite the number of books and scripts, most of them aren't quite readable, since their words have been at least partially forgotten. However, there are a decent few books that are mostly filled out, namely favourite stories or plays he's ingested, old school books (thanks to Jekyll's influence,) and partially filled out journals or phrases that stuck with him, either from other people or things he's told himself.

Additionally, there is a reading nook with a fireplace in one of the corners, since reading is a comfort he hasn't abandoned.

THE MUSIC ROOM

The music room is a cozy space with a few chairs, a fire place, a grand piano, other various instruments, and sheet music strewn and hung about. There's also a couple of paintings, but they're covered mostly in music sheets. One of the other notable instruments is a violin, though it doesn't get used until Elias comes around.

This room is where Mind Everly spends most of her time, when not in the greenhouse, of course. Most of the music pieces are either nonsensical, or genuine ones that the real Everly has played for Robert.

This room becomes a sort of safe space for Elias after certain...events.

THE BALLROOM

The ballroom is a large, extravagant 2 story room. The floor/lower space has walls lined with windows, bringing a golden light to the whole room. However, nothing can be seen on the other side of the windows. Pillars sit between a few of them, holding up a large, wrap-around balcony-- I.e the second floor. The lower space also has a large circular design in the middle of the floor.

The second floor also has windows, as well as a few doors-- one of which leads into Lanyon Sr's office, since Lanyon viewed the tie between his fathers work and status so strongly, both becoming his whole life.

Because of how much of Lanyons life was built around balls and gatherings, the room is filled with shadowy upper class folk, all with somewhat blury features. They tend to act quite mindlessly, seemingly at least somewhat under Mindkyll's Beck and call, but they do dance together and murmur nonsensical, unsettling things to each other. They don't say anything that can be made out, but their growing judgement towards anything odd in the ballroom and overlapping voices can cause panic quite easily.

This room is frequented by both Mindkyll and Mind Lanyon Sr. Mindkyll tends to roam around, framing and dancing with the shadow people, while Mind Lanyon Sr stays on the balcony above, ever watching and judging what goes on below.

THE GREENHOUSE/GARDEN

An overgrown greenhouse filled with various vines, shrubs, and flowers (with occasional symbolism). there's an area for plants directly in the ground, as well as tables covered in pots, metal rafters with hanging pots, and a couple of trellises. The room is mostly all glass-- which still can't be seen through, but gives a warm, comforting glow to the room. There's also a glass table, which seats 2, and a little nook in one of the corners.

A lot of the flowers tend to change, as well as "randomly" bloom and wilt.

Elias likes to spend a lot of time just sitting in this room, occasionally with mind Everly. He also likes cutting back the overgrowth, but it always comes back. He eventually starts to keep track of how the flowers change as well.

THE ALCHEMY LAB

Based heavily around Jekyll's office and Alchemy-covered university desk, the lab is a dark, candle-lit room cluttered with alchemy equipment, books, and potions. There's an odd green fog in the air, making it one of the only rooms that isn't bathed in purple or gold.

This is the other room Mind Jekyll tends to frequent, usually experimenting or organizing his things. Lanyon and Elias both try to avoid this room, as the air feels uncomfortably heavy and tainted.

THE OFFICE

Lanyon's personal office, though it's quite lacking in furniture. The room mainly consists of a desk, chair, scattered books, and a lone, curtained window. The walls are covered in portraits (mainly of his father) and the desk is littered with bills and paperwork. The room seems almost abandoned, at least until Elias comes around to it.

THE UNIVERSITY DORM ROOM

A memory of his dorm room with Jekyll. The window seems to give a faint blue light, though the curtain usually covers it (symbolizing how he hid the relationship and his feelings.)

Jekyll's desk has a few alchemy things scattered on it, as well as text books. There are bunk beds, but the top looks unused.

There are various objects in the room that trigger a memory when they're interacted with, since many core memories were made in the room, buried or not.

LANYON SR'S OFFICE

A large, oppressive office, lit primarily by the two windows. The shelves and tables are covered with books and paperwork. Mirrors litter the walls (symbolizing Lanyon's similarities to his father), as well as portraits.

Mind Lanyon Sr obviously frequents this room, doing random work and reading. The room is also directly connected to the second floor of the ballroom, high above everyone else to show how Lanyon believed his father to put himself and his work above everyone else. Lanyon tends to avoid this room, and the second floor of the ballroom in general, as it makes him feel exposed. Elias also tends to avoid this room, as it makes him feel small.

THE CHARACTERS

ELIAS WRIGHT (LANYON'S HJ7 ALTER)

His outfit gives a more "working class" feel, inspired by his father's youth. They're also far more comfortable than Lanyon's usual clothes, so Elias doesn't mind them too much. The outfit somewhat symbolizes Elias's working spirit, as well as his yearning for his Father's approval via following in his footsteps (to a certain degree), acting as a sort of errand boy around the society/for Jekyll. They also make him look ungentlemanly, simple, and weak, making him stand out in the mindscape.

He has a "broken" pocket watch on him at all times, which he instinctively feels very protective over, as it's somewhat linked to his being.

Additionally, in memories he can "take the spot" of Lanyon, letting the memory compulse him on how to move. He likes doing this to feel like he's still Lanyon-- like he's whole again.

Feelings wise, Elias isn't too against the mindscape for a good while, mainly in the beginning. While it is confusing and lonely, leaving him quite on edge most of the time, he does at least find solace in mind Everly, Mind Jekyll, and some of the rooms. He does have a few run-ins with nightmares, though he always manages to flee or be saved somehow by mind Everly or Jekyll. He prefers to stay on the higher levels where it's brighter and safer, though occasionally he does go down to dig through memories, much to mindkyll's masked annoyance.

He initially sticks around Mindkyll quite a bit, dancing and hanging out in the ballroom or alchemy lab with him, even if he occasionally makes Elias kind of uncomfortable. Elias is quick to trust him and his charm, falling into him as a safety since Mindkyll is so kind towards him, and since he resembles Jekyll so much. Mindkyll is also quite touchy and praising with Elias, feeding Elias's yearning for romantic intimacy from Jekyll. Mindkyll usually knows just what cards to play to make Elias either fall for his charm or feel bad for him. They do pursue something of a "relationship", and despite the occasional discomfort Elias feels, he is quite reliant on Mindkyll for a while, using him as a stand-in since the real Jekyll seems so unattainable.

Also, Elias finds Mindkyll's "sparkle machine" ability quite funny, but of course falls for it. On a few occasions he's accidentally sparkled back, shocking Mindkyll and somewhat offending him.

Additionally, Elias hangs with mind Everly a decent bit too, finding her to be a more calming presence among the greenhouse and music room. She gives him advice and lets him talk, acting as a sort of mental therapist. She doesn't like mindkyll. She'll play music for Elias or sometimes just sit with him in the greenhouse.

Elias somewhat avoids mind Lanyon Sr, rarely trying to get to the ballroom's second floor, unless he feels he has to. He also partially tries to avoid his fathers gaze, though sometimes he can't help but look up at Lanyon Sr watching over the ballroom, yearning to make his father proud of him. Lanyon Sr's critical gaze tends to make him feel small, cringing under the judgement.

A mind version of his mother also haunts the mindscape, though she is scarcely seen. She does seem to like Elias far more than Lanyon though, sometimes even holding Elias and calling him her baby. She only really shows up in the greenhouse, from what Elias has seen.

MIND JEKYLL

A resident of Lanyon's mindscape, he's a sparkly amalgamation of Jekyll and Hyde. Wandering between the ballroom, halls, and his lab, he mainly dances, experiments, and charms. He has phantom pains all around his body, stemming from Lanyon's constant fear of Jekyll getting hurt (especially via potion mishaps), and has a limp in his left leg from recurring nightmares of Jekyll stepping in a bear trap on the faithful Bleeding Heart Night™.

Before Lanyon and Elias split, mind Jekyll looked far more like normal Jekyll and acted a bit more awkward. however, after learning of Jekylls duality, mindkyll became a bit more Hyde like, his sideburns growing out, his hair growing messier, and gaining a hole filled cape and green hat, as well as gradient eyes. He hates his new appearance a decent bit, blaming Elias for it.

He spends most of his time in the ballroom, since Lanyon taught him how to act "proper" and he seemingly surpassed Lanyon at that, causing him to become a sort of icon to Lanyon in that sense. In the ballroom he's quite the charmer, going between the shadow people and playing them as he wishes, which stems from Lanyon's jealousy of how Jekyll acted (and still acts) with women at parties while they were together.

Mindkyll tends to feel an inherent hatred for Elias when Elias is around him, as if Elias's presence by itself just causes stabs of anger and resentment in him, though usually he can force this feeling down in order to keep his charming facade up. However, on top of that resentment, when he feels like he has any sort of control over Elias, he gets a swell of pride and power in his chest. He tends to get more inwardly cocky, which mixes with the hatred and makes him increasingly cruel at times, though he does mask that with his charm and sparkles. He's also very much emotionally manipulative, pulling at Elias's weaknesses and the slight inherent attraction Elias has for him, since he looks like Jekyll and such. He doesn't really tend to outwardly show any of his hatred of course, since he wants to keep Elias's trust for the most part, but he does Harbor Lanyon's resentment and repression of all those "weak" emotions and such. Additionally, he holds a lot of Lanyon's "rebellious" stage, feeding off of the power he gets from having control.

He also lets off sparkles as a sort of defense mechanism for when he feels threatened or starts getting impatient/aggravated. They have a somewhat calming effect, most of the time at least, made to distract people from his real intentions and feelings. Occasionally, however, their impact/sway is dulled, like against Mind Everly. Eventually, Lanyon starts becoming more resistant to their sway, and after a certain future event, so does Elias.

MIND EVERLY

Mind Everly tends to avoid the ballroom, so she doesn't really interact with the shadow people unless she has to. She's also surprisingly adept at fighting off the nightmares. When Mind Mumyon randomly shows up in the garden, or on rare occasions the music room, she'll kinda just chat with her and keep her company until she wanders off/disappears again. With Mindkyll, Everly tends to be a bit "low patience" with him, not really playing into his charm and tending to ignore him.

Mind Everly knows she's just a part of Lanyon, being one of his main comforts and someone that he confides in, and she's quite alright with doing her thing and occasionally helping out Elias or Lanyon. She's just as sweet and trustworthy as the real Everly, acting somewhat as a therapist and general advice giver. She's also quite protective of Elias after certain events.

She frequents the Music room and the Garden, only occasionally going into the ballroom if she feels she has to. She completely avoids the alchemy lab, and only goes into Lanyon's office every once in a while to clean it up a bit.

MIND LANYON SR

Mind Lanyon Sr looks quite similar to the real one, just far more oppressive and judgemental, far more emotionally detached than the real one. He has a distressing aura to him, causing discomfort to the shadow people and monsters and annoyance to most of the other mind people that get close to him. Mindkyll seems to be the outlier to this, as he generally tolerates Mind Lanyon Sr's presence quite well, even occasionally seeking it out.

He usually hangs out on the second floor of the ballroom, staring down and judging the people below. He's this ever-watching presence, detached but still close enough to control things-- or at least seem like he could. Otherwise he frequents his office, doing work, reorganizing, or reading.

He'll occasionally hang out with Mindkyll, vaguely talking to him and slipping him praises. He sees him as more successful, fond of him in a "my son should be like you" way. Despite this, he still gets quite judgemental of Mindkyll when he looses his temper or shows his more "mad scientist" side.

His feelings towards Elias are a little mixed. For the most part, Mind Lanyon Sr is constantly judging Elias, disgusted by his emotional vulnerability and how he's everything the real Lanyon Sr tried to get rid of in his son. But, on the other hand, occasionally he can't help but be the *slightest* bit proud of the fact that Elias has at least SOME work ethic.

Were Elias to try and talk to mind Lanyon Sr, he would probably be met with Mind Lanyon Sr ignoring him, silently judging him, and/or verbally jabbing at him, pointing out his flaws. Elias is quite heartbroken at this, but for some reason he tries to get Mind Lanyon Sr's approval a handful of times before finally giving up, cringing under his stern, judging gaze.

Otherwise, he's aware of his state as a concept and is quite fine with it, intent on keeping Lanyon and Elias in line, in his own detatched way.

LANYON'S MOTHER (CELIA)

Cecilia Lanyon (Mumyon) somewhat haunts around the mindscape, quite scarcely seen. Because of her distance and detatchment towards her son, she rarely shows up, and when she does it's usually in the greenhouse, since she mainly "bonded" with Lanyon by having him help tend the garden occasionally. Since at home she was also commonly hysterical, Mind Celia is generally quite blank, but occasionally snaps a bit emotionally.

When Lanyon is around her, she tends to somewhat blankly stare at him, VERY occasionally actually talking or acting motherly towards him. Elias, however, tries to drag a bit more of that motherly persona out. He yearns for validation and affection from both of his parents, and the mindscape if the only place he'll ever possibly be able to get it. She occasionally seems to give him a little of the attention he wants, talking in very short sentences when they're together in the greenhouse, maybe pointing out flowers or their symbolism. Sometimes she does seem quite cynical, however, which tends to throw Elias off.

Her and Mind Lanyon Sr don't really ever interact, unless Mind Celia just happens to silently join him on the second floor of the ballroom for "show". She mostly ignores mindkyll, but has snapped at him at least once. Otherwise, she usually just tolerates him. She likes Mind Everly well enough, it's hard to dislike her, and she enjoys listening to Mind Everly's music.

Most of the time she's not the most aware of things, but she does have her more clear moments.

(Cecilia Eleanor Lanyon was made by my friend Luka ( @lukas-broken-bow ), while mind Celia was adapted by me bc her character EATS, THANK YOU FOR DEVELOPING HER LUKA, I LOVE HER)

THE NIGHTMARES

The nightmares take on a lot of forms, with one resembling Morcant being the most notable. Along with that, however, there's also many "mad scientists", physically ruined by their science, and various magical creatures and monsters, like vampires (there's one with a resemblance to Dracula), other werewolves, and reanimated things (ones that are especially gory, since Lanyon is disgusted by things like exposed innards,wounds, and rot.) There's also a nightmare "Hyde", who is somewhat formless and mainly causes general havoc and stalks around.

With the twisting of the mindscape and so many doors scattered about, the nightmares tend to stay in lower levels, trapped behind said doors or simply lost, especially if Lanyon keeps them off of his mind. However, when thought of or triggered via seeing or hearing something (or occasionally at random), doors will open or memory rooms will move, allowing nightmares to find themselves closer to the subconcious. They're also more active in higher layers in moments of higher stress, or heavy sleep deprivation, as those " doors" become harder to unconsciously keep closed.

Mindkyll is somewhat fearful of them, some more than others, but when they're closer to his ballroom or lab, he tends to be less scared. Or, when he needs to swoop in and "save" Elias from a couple of nightmares, he tends to forget some of his fear. Mind Everly is somewhat scared of them, but is more so annoyed by them. Mind Lanyon Sr. doesn't really have to deal with them, considering his spot on the balcony, and simply watches when they come about.

THE SHADOW PEOPLE

The shadow people are vague, blurry high society folk that remain in the ballroom. They're all dressed very well, their bodies partially see-through as if they're mere ghosts.

The shadow people don't really interact with anyone but each other and Mindkyll, since he somewhat has control over them. They dance amongst each other, muttering nonsensically until their "words" all blur together. They're not very aware of anything, all in all quite mindless, but when there's anything "wrong" or "ungentlemanly", that's when they act more. Their voices start to rise, despite still being mere whispers, growing more cacophonous and anxiety-inducing as they stare. Their judgement of anything odd is ceaseless, usually only calming at Mindkyll's demand or when the oddity leaves the ballroom.

Additionally, mindkyll can manipulate them to react in other basic ways, like acting charmed or shocked, and he usually does it for his own enjoyment. When a nightmare manages to get into the ballroom, the shadow people aren't targeted. Instead they grow more sinister looking, especially expression wise, and their mutterings take on a certain sharpness, their judgements growing harsher. Usually mindkyll needs to remove of the nightmare for them to act normally again.

_______

And that is the basics of the Mindscape! Once again, I'd absolutely LOVE any questions in reblogs, comments, or even my asks :3 thank you so much for reading all of this, I hope you enjoyed!!

178 notes · View notes

flowerandblood · 9 months ago

Text

The Taste of Desire (AU)

[ dom!modern • Aemond x friend sister • female ]

[ warnings: sex with soft domination, fingering, smut, angst, sexual tension, remorse, doubts related to sex work ]

[ description: Aemond works as a professional dom, fulfilling the various fantasies of his female clients − however, he guards his privacy and does not enter into any relationships with them, recognizing that he does not want or need it. One of his clients surprises him with her behaviour, making him experience something he has never felt before, with his own actions and emotions slipping out of his control. Sexual tension, doubts related to sex work. ]

This oneshot is an alternative universe for my series The Taste of Shame in which Aemond meets the main character as his client. It shows how their lives would have turned out and what their first time would have been like if Aemond had done it for money. Created to celebrate my anniversary on 22 March.

Series & Characters Moodboard Aemond NSFW Alphabet

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

My other series: Masterlist

_____

He was never picky when it came to his female clients. They had to meet basic standards like hygiene, no venereal diseases and they couldn't go beyond a certain time, but once they signed a confidentiality clause, what he was going to do with them was no longer important to him.

He kept repeating to himself that he was there for them, not them for him, so he focused on giving them what they wanted in a way that didn't disturb his comfort zone.

He did not allow them to kiss or touch him with their hands − in fact, he preferred that any involvement they had in what was happening was minimal. What he found most pleasing in the whole act was his violence towards them, and the more they consented to, the more he was satisfied.

Their pleas and cries of pain combined with some subconscious pleasure that such sadomasochism gave them made him struggle to hold back the mocking smile that pressed against his lips.

They wanted to be treated like worthless objects, and that's what he was giving them, because that's exactly how he thought of them.

He didn't try to delve into considering what he thought of himself, because he decided that would end up with a visit to a psychiatrist. He was studying quantum physics, lived far away from his family and needed a steady, high source of income − since silly girls could make money from sex cams, he could make money that way, at least until he had no other prospects.

The only way to contact him was through an online form on his website, where they would write why they wanted to meet, indicate what suited them or not, and if he felt he could meet their whims, he would arrange to meet them to discuss the details and sign the documents.

Scrolling through dozens of similar messages about tying, gagging, beating and humiliation he stopped on one where only a few things were marked. He thought surprised that he wouldn't even link them to aggressive domination per se, and certainly not the kind he usually used.

Good morning. I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'd like to try, but I'm also a bit embarrassed about it. I don't know if this can be subsumed under your interests − I'm completely inexperienced, so maybe that's why I'm looking for a professional who knows what he's doing and would be able to show me what I actually need and want. I apologise for the rather chaotic explanation and send my regards. Selected practices: spanking, verbal domination, fingering

He blinked and scratched his chin, both intrigued and uncertain at the same time − he glanced quickly at her age and saw that she was younger than him. He bit his lower lip feeling that something in the idea that she was still inexperienced and only willing to explore her needs attracted him, the thought that this would be some sort of challenge for him.

He decided that why not.

She was an adult.

He looked forward to meeting her with the utmost curiosity. Her requirements were basic enough that he didn't need to prepare any extra kinks, and since she didn't want sex with penetration, it also gave him a greater sense of confidence and peace of mind − he knew he wouldn't have to chase his orgasm, imagining some woman from porn, and would be able to concentrate only on what he was doing to her.

When he heard a quiet knock on the door of the flat he rented only to meet his female clients, he got up immediately from behind his desk and opened it for her, swallowing hard as his gaze involuntarily swept over her figure and stopped on her face.

God.

This was not what he had expected.

She looked even younger than she had written; her eyes were big and bright, looking at him with fear and dread, though usually the women who came to him, learned by experience, kept their gaze meekly on the floor, waiting for him to command them to look at himself.

She was dressed in a plain white Tshirt and high-waisted jeans, a fabric coloured backpack on her back, her hair loose, shiny, dark, slightly wavy − he could smell the fruity scent of her perfume or shower gel.

He grunted quietly, trying to keep a stony face, feeling that involuntarily his gaze expressed shock. He took a few steps back and invited her in − she stepped inside uncertainly, turning away quickly as he closed the door behind her.

"Come in. Do not be afraid." He said lowly, pointing to his desk which stood in the deeper part of the flat − she walked in that direction, looking in horror at the bed standing on the other side of the room.

He heard her swallow hard, tense and red, pulling her backpack off her back − she placed it in her lap immediately after she sat down in the chair opposite him, as if trying to ward off and protect herself from him in this way.

He took his seat on the other side and tapped his index finger on the top of his wooden oak desk, thinking that he had never had a client like her before.

She was completely distracted, her gaze sweeping across the room as if she were a curious child, her fingers tightening on the material of her rucksack.

"As I mentioned, first the contract and confidentiality clause." He said calmly, handing her copies of the contract and clause he had sent her earlier.

She took them from him and looked into his eyes again, making him swallow hard; it wasn't a defiant look and it wasn't meant to seduce him. It seemed to him just the opposite − she wanted to show him that some part of her was genuinely afraid of him.

She nodded, her hands trembling all over as she took the sheets of paper in her hands − she looked around quickly and clumsily grabbed a pen.

He wondered, seeing what was happening to her, if what she wanted was really good for her and although he never meddled in his clients' decisions, he decided to intervene, for her sake and his own.

"You can still resign. I won't burden you with the cost." He said lowly, watching her closely, and saw that she flinched all over. She lifted the gaze of her bright eyes to him, her eyebrows arched in indecision, her mouth opened and closed as if she was trying to get something out of herself.

"I…I think I want to try. This one time. Do you think it's a bad idea, sir?" She asked him in a trembling, soft, girlish voice. The note of innocence that lurked in this after all defiant question made him twist in his seat, feeling surprised that his manhood swelled a little − he felt like he was literally burning her with his gaze.

He thought it was because she was so vulnerable − it turned him on that he was more experienced than her and had real control over what could happen next if she wanted it.

He chuckled involuntarily at her words, shaking his head, sighing quietly, looking at her indulgently.

"What I think about it doesn't matter." He murmured lowly, leaning comfortably against the back of his chair with a loud creak of wood.

He felt heat in his lower abdomen at the thought of her not dropping her gaze, boldly staring him in the face as if they had known each other for a long time, despite the fact that most women knew their buttocks would be red and swollen like tomatoes for such insolence.

"I would, however, like to hear your views on the matter, sir." She replied quickly, as if she recognised him as some sort of authority on the matter, a sexologist or anyone else who could give her a diagnosis.

"I am not a doctor. However, I don't think there is anything wrong with trying under controlled conditions. You also have a safe word that you can use at any time to stop whatever I'm doing. You have to decide." He said finally, and saw her nod her head, drawing in air loudly as if gathering her courage, and leaned over, signing the documents in the spaces indicated.

For some reason he involuntarily licked his lips, dried from some kind of excitement, his cock twitching hard in his trousers at the thought that she was really going to do this.

When she finished he took the papers from her, signed them and gave her one copy, reminding her of all the rules they had agreed and what she could not do.

"You can't touch me or kiss me. When we start, you are to call me sir and follow all my instructions. You are to answer all my questions by shaking or nodding your head unless I order you otherwise. I will not stop even if you beg me or cry until I hear your safe word which, please remind us, sounds how?" He asked softly, stapling the papers she had signed with a stapler, tucking them into his drawer, watching her out of the corner of his eye, feeling the heat in his lower abdomen at the very thought of what he was going to do to her.

Why was he so aroused when he hadn't even touched her yet?

"Peach." She muttered embarrassedly, looking down at her hands.

For a moment he wondered if he should add the rule he usually made where a woman couldn't look him in the eye, but something in her eyes captured him − her gaze wasn't seductive or filled with feelings he didn't want to see. He also guessed that forbidding it might overwhelm her even more, and he didn't want that.

He nodded at her words, rising, and she rose with him, holding her backpack in front of her, her shoulders raised slightly in a defensive gesture, as if she was afraid of him and the fact that she had somehow given him control over her.

He approached her slowly, looking at her vigilantly − her eyes fixed on his face as his hand took the rucksack from her arms in a gentle motion, dropping it next to her on the floor. His fingers rose to her cheeks, trailing over them, her jaw and her chin − he felt her tremble all over, surprised, her swollen, plump lips red with emotion.

Although he had never done this, he wanted to get a good look at her first − he knew that going straight to putting his hand in her panties would only frighten her and in this situation his tactics had to be a tad different.

First and foremost, he wanted to reassure her.

He saw that she had closed her eyes, trying to breathe slowly through her mouth as his hands slid down to her neck and her soft hair. He thought, smelling her fruity scent, that he would have given anything to have her kneel before him and take his achingly hard manhood into her mouth.

He decided that perhaps he would use his thoughts to embolden her a little more and let him do what he wanted.

"Such a sweet girl. You have no idea what I'd like to do with those lips." He hummed, feeling a shiver pass through her as one of his hands rose higher again, to her face, parting her lips with his thumb. "How hard I am now."

He saw the shock in her gaze, which quickly escaped down to the bulge in his trousers, her cheeks flushed as she looked up into his face again, her breathing quickened and ragged.

He sighed involuntarily at the sight.

"You can say a lot of things about me, but not that I'm a liar. Open." He commanded in a slightly cooler, stricter tone, her lips immediately parted slightly, allowing his thumb to slide deep between her fleshy, wet lips.

"Suck." He instructed, a quiet moan caught in her throat, her body suddenly quivering as the fingers of his free hand slid lower to her breast, teasing her nipple in calm, circular motions, her lips tightening around his thumb, obeying his command.

"Do you always walk around without a bra? Hm? Do you like it when men look at them?" He muttered warningly, pulling lightly on her nipple, looking at her curiously − she squirmed helplessly, closing her eyes, not knowing what to do with her hands. He could see how, in some subconscious reflex, she wanted to lift them up and embrace him, but reminded herself that she couldn't do that and lowered them again, moving him in some way and arousing him at the same time.

He couldn't remember if his client had ever made him completely hard by her behaviour itself.

"Quiet. We haven't even started properly yet, and already you want me to slap your arse?" He growled mockingly, and she shook her head quickly, drawing in air loudly, looking at him with a pleading look of her big, bright eyes, which he felt between his thighs as his cock swelled unbearably, demanding attention.

"This is my last warning. Lie on your stomach." He said coldly, although inside he felt like his body was on fire.

She obediently pulled off her shoes and lay down on the bed, watching, embarrassed, as he slipped his thumb, moist with her saliva, between his lips and licked it. He quickly pulled off his sweatshirt and shoes, leaving in his black short-sleeved T-shirt and trousers, fixing his hair with a careless flick of his hand.

"Leave only your panties on." He added, hearing her quiet squeal as his large hand gave her one, light, sharp smack on her buttock, just as an encouragement to keep her going.

"Just like that. So pretty." He hummed, watching her undress, climbing onto the bed behind her. He involuntarily licked his lips and grinned in amusement when he saw that underneath her trousers she was wearing pretty lace panties in powder pink.

He thought she was like a lollipop or candy, a sweet little gift bought just for pure pleasure.

As she pulled off her t-shirt she clung with her breasts to the bedclothes, looking somewhere sideways towards the window as if she was afraid of how exposed she was, that she was lying half-naked in front of a strange man who, on top of that, she was going to have to pay for it.

Although he cursed himself for it in the back of his head, the sincerity and naturalness of her behaviour endeared her to him − he thought in disbelief that he wasn't sure that even if she had asked him to punish her more harshly or to cause her intense pain he would have been able to do it.

Would it give him pleasure.

He took her hair aside, exposing her long neck and back, felt her shudder all over as his fingers ran along her spine.

"Are you going to be good, or should I tie you up?" He murmured and she nodded quickly − he hummed under his breath, stroking her bare skin. "Use your words."

"I'll be good. Sir." She added quickly, hearing him shift suddenly in irritation. He let out a loud breath through his nose, leaning down, grasping her wrists in his hands, placing them on either side of her head, showing her the position he expected her to hold them in.

"Your hands are supposed to be here at all times. On the pillow. If I see you take them away from here, I'll tie you up and on top of that, I'll give you ten slaps on the bottom to make sure you remember this lesson well. Do you understand? Use your words." He hissed, driving his fingers into the skin of her wrists, heard her swallow hard and nod her head quickly.

"− y-yes, sir −"

He gasped softly, pleased with her answer and the way it was going − he saw her hands tighten on the material of the pillow as he settled his knees on either side of her buttocks, lowering himself onto them so that she could feel his cock throbbing all under the material of his trousers. She stifled the cry that wanted to escape her lips by pressing her face against his bedding.

"− do you fucking feel it? − do you feel what you're doing to me? −" He muttered, trying to calm his breathing, not knowing why instead of pulling himself together and concentrating on his task he was teasing her, making his manhood painfully hard − he clamped his eyelids shut when he felt her hips begin to buck uncertainly to the rhythm of his movements.

He decided that fuck it, he would do it the way he felt like it, breaking his own rules, knowing that unlike the other women, she really needed this.

His closeness.

She sighed loudly and her whole body trembled as he pressed his face against her soft, fragrant hair, crushing her with his own weight, his hands roamed over the skin of her bare shoulders and the sides of her waist as his nose slowly slid lower, down to her neck, his fingers slipped underneath her and tightened on her soft, plump breasts as his lips pressed against her bare skin.

He heard her start to pant loudly through her mouth, surprised as he was, surely imagining it differently, writhing beneath him, his fingers digging warningly into the soft skin of her breasts, his hot breath enveloping her ear.

"− lie still or we'll do it rough − spread your thighs −" He growled, his thumbs pressing and playing with her nipples. He spread her legs with his knees, making her breath catch in her throat − he could feel her heart pounding fast under his hands, his tongue ran over the bare skin of her neck, smelling the salty taste of her sweat and the sweet taste of her perfume.

"− you're already wet, hm? − shall we check? −" He sneered, sliding the palms of his one hand down her belly − he saw out of the corner of his eye that her fingers clenched tightly on the fabric of the pillow, her whole body stiffened, her head tilted slightly as his fingertips pushed the soft, soaked material of her underwear aside, sinking into her leaking, fleshy womanhood.

"− good God − look at you − all sticky and warm −" He gasped as his fingers began to tease and squeeze her clit lightly, giving her a few encouraging strokes from which helpless, muffled sounds tried to escape her throat − his hand let go of her breasts for a moment and slapped her buttock with all his might, reminding her that she was supposed to be quiet.

He didn't even notice when he started rubbing against her faster from the top, chasing his own fulfilment, completely aroused by what was happening to her, how she was responding to him.

He felt like his cock was about to explode.

"− moan for me − let me hear these sweet sounds −" He whispered in her ear, driving his fingers harder into the soft, leaking structure of her folds.

Moan for me?

What the fuck was that supposed to be?

He sighed when she cried out loudly, clenching her eyes, writhing all under him, again and again rubbing his sore cock with her buttocks. He felt ashamed that even though he was the master of the situation, it seemed to him that somehow it was she who was dictating how it looked, or rather his inability to treat her as he did his other clients.

There was something innocent about her, that her goal was not for him to humiliate her, beat her or hurt her, but for him to guide her, to show her what she really desired and what he could do with her body.

He thought, running his fingertips over her moist, hot slit, that perhaps this was what he had been craving deep inside himself all this time.

"− ah − please, sir −" She mewled helplessly, and he felt her words between his thighs. He licked his lips, trailing his fingers over her throbbing, weeping cunt, teasing her hard nipple with his other hand, each of his movements accompanied by the loud click of her moisture.

"− what are you asking me to do? − use your words −" He exhaled, feeling that he was embarrassingly close to climax himself, and wondered if he was going to cum in his own trousers for the first time in his life.

"− please − please, put it inside me −" She mumbled out and he swallowed hard feeling her buttocks rubbing against his cock.

He froze for a moment, running his fingers over her hot, leaking folds, fighting with himself, on the one hand wanting only this, on the other the contract was different and he never broke the terms he himself had agreed to and signed.

What if, afterwards, she found that she didn't want it and decided that he had raped her, go to the police with it?

This thought sobered his mind a little, though his whole body shuddered with disappointment, his two fingers suddenly forced their way inside her with her moan of pleasure.

"− I can't − you know I can't, don't you? −" He breathed out, pressing the tips of his fingertips into the fleshy structure of her muscles, searching for the spot hidden between them.

She shuddered all over when he felt it a moment later, his thumb trailing over her clit as his two fingers dug in between her slick folds with a loud click of her wetness − he felt her whole body tense in anticipation, again and again his fingers squeezed her the way she needed it.

"− I'll be good, sir − please − please − please − I'll be good −" She cried out, her sticky walls began to clench around his fingers, sucking them inside and he closed his eyes, imagining he felt it on his hard, aching cock.

How tight she was.

He'd never done this before and he knew he shouldn't, but for some reason he was desperate, his mind clouded by what he'd seen and what he needed.

He watched her face in disbelief, her eyes closed, her cheeks flushed with exertion, her lips parted sweetly in a loud, accelerated breath.

"We can do this, but on my terms. I'll just fuck you, nothing more. No money. Do you understand?" He asked her in a trembling voice, as if he wanted to make sure she understood, that it meant nothing to him, that she just turned him on too much and he wanted to take it out on her.

He saw her eyes open suddenly, fear and relief filling her gaze as she whispered just a few words without looking at him.

"Let me look at your face, sir."

He himself didn't know when he suddenly flipped her onto her back as his lips clung with a loud purr to her hard, swollen nipple, sucking and licking it − he heard her moan loudly, startled, making him lose his temper. His hands in a helpless reflex slid down to the button of his trousers and his zipper, releasing his erection quickly, he wasn't sure he had ever been so terrified and aroused at the same time.

He knew things had gotten out of hand and that he would regret it, but he couldn't deny himself, knowing that he would probably never see her again.

"Don't touch me. Do you understand? If you touch me, I'll stop and I'll slap your arse so hard you won't be able to sit for the next few weeks." He hissed, looking her straight in the face, reaching his hand into his pocket to pull out the condom −she merely nodded, her hands clenched on either side of her face, her swollen lips parted in a quick, uneven breath.

He looked at her pretty figure, her sweet, plump breasts, her flushed face, her hair in disarray, and thought helplessly that she was beautiful and that he would go mad if he didn't do this to her.

Never before had he put a condom over his length as quickly as he did then − with a quick, sure, impatient movement he slid her panties off her, already all wet with her moisture, grabbed her by her hips and pushed her closer, momentarily forcing her tight, leaking folds to let him inside her.

He didn't speak, because he didn't know what he was supposed to say either, ashamed of his own desperation as he pushed deeper into her with a sure, sharp thrust.

He began to pound into her as if he had completely lost his mind, fast and out of control − she threw her head to the side, writhing beneath him, moaning loudly, her walls wonderfully moist and hot, clenching on him so tightly that he struggled to restrain himself from cumming just yet, not wanting to humiliate himself.

"− oh God −" He muttered, looking at her as if through a fog, leaning over her, his hands found hers, her fingers clenched on them, seeking proximity − she looked up at him pleadingly, panting and quivering.

He suspected that never before had anyone fucked her at such a brutal, fast pace from which she couldn't catch her breath, her thighs spread wide before him in a gesture of trust, their bodies slapping against each other with the loud clicks of her wetness.

"− these idiots couldn't even fuck you properly, hm? −" He panted low and she only nodded, his fingers intertwining with hers in some subconscious reflex, as if he wanted to show her that he understood her, that she had a right to be disappointed, that he had no idea how any man could fail to give her what she needed.

"− my poor little baby − am I right? −" He breathed out and she cried loudly and nodded her head, something in her gaze, in her eyes flooded with tears, filled with despair, tenderness and relief made him lean lower and cling to her lips.

She moaned loudly into his throat and he felt her walls squeeze him tightly with a sudden, intense orgasm, sucking him inside as his tongue invaded between her lips. She reciprocated his kiss with such devotion that a few of his helpless, sloppy thrusts were enough to make him cum into the condon.

"− fuck − fuck, baby −" He breathed out into her mouth as if she was his, as if they were in his bed in his flat, as if he loved her and was about to have dinner with her or go to sleep lying next to her, as if she wasn't a stranger to him, her sweet scent, her innocent sounds and the taste of her mouth were all that filled his mind as he continued to rock his hips deep inside her.

Even though they had both came, they didn't stop kissing, their lips joining and pulling away from each other lazily with a loud click of their saliva, his hands roaming up and down her fingers, alternately stroking them and entwining them with his own again.

Something about what was happening between them, about this sudden, unexpected closeness calmed him and made him completely drift off.

He knew that she had wanted to touch and kiss him from the very beginning, but she still respected his decision and his rules.

And he, for some reason incomprehensible to himself, broke them for her.

He pressed his face to her cheek, panting along with her, unsure of what he should do now, distracted and ashamed that he couldn't help himself, that for the first time in his life he had overstepped the time and competence he should have given her.

And that wasn't good.

What if she thinks now that they are in love with each other, that maybe one day they will be together? If she starts writing to him and stalking him like so many women before her?

"I'm sorry." He heard her whisper and shuddered, snapped out of his reverie.

He opened his eyes and met her gaze, her hands still on either side of her head. He grunted quietly, horrified at how close she was, that he could smell her pleasant scent so intensely, her breath, the warmth of her body.

"I'm the one who should apologise. I behaved unprofessionally. I won't take money from you." He replied after a moment, and she shook her head, shocked.

"− n-no, why − I mean − after all, you did what we agreed to do − you gave me your time, I −"

"− you're not the kind of person who would enjoy a strong dominant-submissive interaction − you'd be terrified − you're worrying too much − probably those guys before me didn't ask you what you needed, hm? − that's what I thought − there's nothing wrong with you − that's my diagnosis −" He hummed, sighing heavily, lifting himself up on his elbows, placing a lingering, tender kiss on her forehead.

He slipped out of her gently with her quiet hiss of discomfort − he saw her press her lips together when he slided the shed condom off his manhood and tie it off, tossing it into the small bin standing next to his bed, zipping his trousers back up. He saw her reach with a trembling hand for her underwear and sighed under his breath, shaking his head.

"Wipe yourself well first, the tissues are lying on the table next to you. Don't you have underwear to change into?" He asked uncertainly, realising that this was usually obvious to the women who visited him, as it was to him, so he didn't warn her, thinking she would figure it out for herself.

She shook her head quickly and he sighed heavily, taking a bottle of water standing on the table, unscrewing it and handing it to her, seeing that she completely didn't know what she should do with herself now.

"− drink − you'd better just wipe yourself off and put your trousers on −" He replied and she nodded, red with embarrassment, taking a few deep sips of water without looking at him.

He turned away as she started to get dressed, running his hand over his face, recognising that he was an idiot and had completely lost his fucking mind, unable to forgive himself for fucking her even though their terms were different.

He shuddered as she approached him quietly − he thought terrified that she was going to try to touch him, maybe even thinking they were going to become lovers now, but she just held a bundle of banknotes in front of him, looking at him pleadingly.

"− I already told you I won't take it − keep it −"

"− I can't, after all −"

"− don't piss me off −" He growled, and she pressed her lips together, lowering her hand, swallowing loudly.

They stared at each other for a long moment in awkward silence to say the least − he grunted, combing his fingers through his hair, feeling that for some reason his heart was pounding like crazy.

What was happening to him?

"− consider it a gift − we both made each other feel good − right? −" He asked, as if he wanted to make sure he hadn't hurt her. She nodded and smiled softly, shyly, for some reason making him feel a squeeze in his throat.

He regretted that she had ever written to him.

He regretted that he had said yes.

He regretted that it had been so pleasant.

"− thank you − and I apologise again − I won't take up your time anymore − I wish you all the best − please take care of yourself and be happy −" She said finally, and he flinched, looking at her in disbelief − he felt that his lips were parted in shock as he looked at her dully.

He didn't know what to answer.

Only after a while did he get anything out of himself, feeling that she was due at least some perfunctory response.

"− it's me who's sorry − I also wish you all the best −"

She nodded and smiled warmly at him, before her trembling hand reached for her backpack and headed towards the door, opening it and disappearing behind it a moment later.

He looked at the bed, at the sheets where the mark of her body was clearly visible, the fact that she had just been lying there, that he had been deep inside her and had fucked her like he had never put his cock inside any woman before.

He went over there and just lay on his stomach, sinking his face into the pillow that was drenched in her scent.

For the next few days, his head was in a state of chaos − one part of him was afraid that she would reach out to him, that she would seek contact or a relationship with him, like so many women before her wanting to be special to him, to be the only one.

The other part of him was even begging for her to do it, for him to be able to free himself at last from the memories of what he had done to her, that she had broken something in him, that he couldn't look at the women who came after her.

He couldn't focus, he felt remorse, he couldn't even get aroused and he was so frustrated that, to the despair of his regular clients, he decided to take a break for a few weeks to cool down.

His friend from university, Robert, had already invited him to his birthday party a month earlier and although he didn't have the energy to go anywhere, he knew that afterwards he would be listening to him and Criston moan in class about how completely unsocial he was.

He figured that since it was only going to be a private party at his house, he might as well go there at least for a while so no one would accuse him of lack of effort.

When he stopped outside his house he got out of the car and decided to have a quick cigarette, tired and discouraged, knowing that sooner or later his savings would run out and he would have to go back to it, whether he wanted to or not.

Or find another, lower-paid job.

He sighed heavily, clamping his fingers over the base of his nose, closing his eyes, trying to calm himself. He heard movement beside him and the screech of brakes, lifted his gaze and froze when it became apparent that she had just sat down beside him from her bike, a wide smile on her lips as if she thought he was a stranger, only recognising him after a moment, her lips parted then in horror, panic in her gaze.

He stared at her, feeling his body freeze.

Fuck.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

"Oh God. Do you know Robert?" She muttered, and he swallowed hard, feeling a tightening in his throat at the thought that she could have been his friend's girlfriend.

"Yes. Fuck. And you?" He asked her quickly with some sort of accusation, from which she swallowed hard.

"I-I, I'm his younger sister. I went to get some candles, I didn't know…"

"It's okay. I'll just go home." He replied, taking a few quick puffs of his cigarette, crushing it with his foot, turning back towards his car.

"N-no, please. Are you Aemond? Did I guess right? Robert was telling me about you. How he's glad you're coming. That you rarely talk or go out somewhere as a threesome with Criston. It's good that we met here, we'll avoid an awkward greeting. Please, don't be embarrassed." She muttered, and he sighed heavily, running his hand over his face, heartbroken. They both shuddered when they heard a knock on the glass, Robert looked at them through the window and started waving at them, gleeful.

Jesus Christ.

They both headed towards her house, knowing that since he'd seen him, he couldn't run away anymore anyway. He was terrified that since she was Robert's sister, she was someone familiar, not a stranger, that this changed everything and nothing, his heart pounding like mad.

"Do you have a lighter?" She asked as they stopped in front of the front door and he shook his head, snapped out of his reverie, frowning his brow.

"What?"

"Do you have a lighter? Can you help me? I need to light the candles on his birthday cake." She muttered in a whisper as if someone might overhear them, and she was telling him an important secret. He sighed heavily and nodded, recognising that he must have been dreaming all this.

Robert greeted him with joy, all around them Criston, their family and a few of his high school friends, a whole group of people he didn't know and with whom he knew he wouldn't find common ground, and among them her.

He wished him well and gave him his present, but he was unable to focus − he met her terrified gaze, she was pointing her finger at him that she needed his help in the kitchen.

He followed her as if into the lion's mouth, watching from the side as she opened the fridge in the darkness, taking out a blueberry meringue. She sighed heavily, placing it on the table in front of him, only the lights of the street lamps around them.

"It looked better in the picture on the internet, but I did my best." She mumbled, as if she wanted to say anything that would lighten the atmosphere between them.

He felt like an idiot when their trembling hands touched as he handed her the lighter and swallowed loudly, watching as one by one the candles began to glow with the warm, bright light of the flame.

He wanted to ask her if something in her life had changed, if she now knew what she wanted and needed, if she thought about what had happened.

Was she thinking about him.

She picked up the cake when it was all ready and let the air out loud through her mouth, looking him straight in the eye.

"Let's go."

After singing a short 'Happy Birthday', Robert blew out all the candles, happy to announce that his little sister had remembered what cake he loved best, assuring everyone that it was certainly delicious.

They spent the whole party throwing surreptitious, embarrassed glances at each other − he had to empty a few glasses of strong Whisky to calm himself down, the alcohol relaxing him a little, though only seemingly, suppressing his fear, but making him start thinking about something else again.

He looked at her figure dressed in a modest mid-thigh summer dress, her hair, her face − saw the way she laughed, the way she talked to others and felt a squeeze in his throat at the thought that then, being with him, she wasn't pretending.

She really was like that.

Affectionate, open, sweet, kind.

Everything he wasn't.

He swallowed heavily at the thought, sad and embittered, taking another deep sip from his glass.

"How are you going to get home? Criston is staying the night at our house, why don't you stay too? It's late." Said Robert sitting down next to him on the couch, patting him on the back in a friendly manner, already himself relaxed by the considerable amount of alcohol his body had assimilated.

He swallowed hard, looking at his sister from afar, feeling that this was a very bad idea.

"Why not." He muttered, thinking that he was a moron for looking for trouble himself, and that if Robert found out what he'd done to his sister, he'd kill him with his own hands.

Criston and a few others occupied the upstairs rooms, and he suggested he could sleep in the living room on the couch, to which Robert agreed.

He hoped this would embolden her to come to him, as he himself would never have dared to knock on her door despite how desperate he was.

At the thought that he might feel her again, his manhood reacted with an enthusiastic, intense pulsing in his trousers.

He felt that he was drunk as he began to pull off his black tight turtleneck, managing it with difficulty, pulling off his shoes, laying down dressed only in Tshirt and trousers with a quiet sigh and covered himself carelessly with the blanket, listening.

Is she going to do it or not?

And even if she comes to him, should he agree?

He felt disappointment when an hour passed and nothing happened, silence all around him and the loud snoring of someone coming from the upstairs rooms, perhaps her and Robert's father. He sighed heavily, recognising that he had made it all up, that she was surely now ashamed of him and what she had done, trying to forget it.

He swallowed hard at the thought, feeling discomfort in his stomach, and closed his eyes, figuring he would try to get at least a few hours of sleep.

He shuddered and opened them again when he heard a quiet creak, as if someone was walking down the corridor above him, but he wasn't sure himself if it wasn't just his imagination. A shiver ran down his spine and his manhood swelled all over when he heard someone quietly walk down the steps.

Whoever this person was, however, she didn't approach him but walked through the living room to the kitchen.

He felt his heart start pounding like crazy when he caught sight of her silhouette in the darkness, dressed only in an oversized white Tshirt and light shorts − she walked over to the tap, took a glass from the drawer and poured herself some water.

Should he approach her or not?

What if she gets scared?

Fuck.

He didn't even know when he just picked himself up on the couch, for some reason doing it very slowly so that his movements couldn't be heard − he felt like a predator who wanted to get closer to his prey even though he didn't really intend to harm her.

As soon as he stood up he immediately felt the room around him spin, the pleasant, intoxicating warmth of the alcohol melting through his lower abdomen making him seem less terrified of what he wanted to do than if he had been completely sober.

When she caught sight of his silhouette out of the corner of her eye she almost choked on the water − she spat some of it into the sink coughing loudly, making him freeze motionless, afraid to approach her. She quickly wiped her mouth with her hand, looking at him with big eyes.

"My God, you scared me." She muttered pale, her pretty, smooth face illuminated by the warm light of the street lamps standing in front of her house.

He stared at her for a moment, thinking that perhaps it must all have been a dream after all, that the fact that she was standing in front of him was unreal, invented by his distraught, drunken mind.

"I'm sorry." He stammered, swallowing hard, standing a good distance away from her, fighting with himself not to look shamelessly at her bare legs and her nipples peeking through from under her T-shirt.

Again.

They stood for a moment in uncomfortable silence, both of them breathing embarrassingly loudly, as if each of them was reliving deep inside themselves the fact that they were seeing each other again.

And on top of that, in her brother's house.

"I didn't know you were his sister. I swear. I would never do that to you." He finally started to speak, to explain, although he didn't know why − he had the feeling that he was trying to get anything out of himself so she didn't go back upstairs to her room.

He heard her sigh quietly, stroking her bare shoulder with her trembling hand. She shifted from foot to foot in a nervous gesture, looking somewhere to the side, her lips parted slightly in an accelerated breath.

"I know." She whispered, and he felt a heat in his lower abdomen and a pleasant shudder at the thought that perhaps she wasn't misjudging him, that perhaps she wasn't disgusted by him at all.

"How do you feel? I mean − are you okay?" She asked in a trembling voice, as if she wasn't sure if she should be asking this kind of question. She glanced at him uncertainly, clearly wanting to check his reaction, he stared at her stunned, completely surprised by her question.

"− I… yeah, I guess − I mean, I'm on a break from − you know − from this − right now −" He muttered, tucking his hands into the pockets of his black trousers, looking at the floor, feeling ashamed and embarrassed for some reason.

It's because of you, he wanted to say.

I did it for you.

"Something happened?" She asked after a moment, playing with the fingers of her hands in a nervous reflex, as if she was afraid of what she would hear.

"− yes − I mean − I have doubts − I always had, but now… they've intensified − you know −" He muttered, shrugging his shoulders, feeling the tightness in his throat and stomach growing stronger, his heart pounding like mad, cold sweat running down his back.

I'm just a whore, he thought.

I sell myself for money.

She nodded her head quickly so he knew she understood.

"− I'm sorry −" She said quietly, and he looked at her dully, not knowing why for some reason his lower lip trembled, why he felt a burning sensation under his eyelids.

He was ashamed that he desired her so much, that he wanted her words but also her body, wanted to fuck her first and then embrace her and fall asleep.

Was he treating her objectively? Was he only able to think about one thing?

Sex, sex, sex, sex.

He couldn't get anything out of himself.

He shuddered, drawing in air loudly as she came closer to him, in her gaze genuine fear and worry at his condition, questioning whether she could do anything for him, help him in any way.

He knew she longed to touch him − he saw out of the corner of his eye her hand rising to touch his shoulder but falling back after a moment, reminding himself that he never allowed anyone to invade his space.

He felt like screaming.

"− do you want to talk about it? −"

He wasn't sure he wanted to talk to anyone about it, but after a while he was sitting next to her on the terrace anyway, covered in a thick, soft blanket, sitting next to her on a rather uncomfortable wooden bench hanging by chains, which he rocked back and forth with involuntary movements of his knees, lighting a cigarette from his lighter with a quiet hiss of fire.

He took a drag and let the smoke out loudly through his nose, sighing quietly, just thinking about the fact that their hips and shoulders were touching.

"What did you think of me? After all this." He asked suddenly, swallowing loudly as he heard her twist in her place, throwing him a surprised, even horrified look. She sighed quietly, covering herself more tightly with the fluffy material.

"That you are a good man."

He felt his hand with the cigarette freeze in mid-motion as he was about to take another drag and for some reason he laughed in disbelief at her words, feeling a piercing pain in his chest, his eyebrows arching in amusement.

"That I'm a good man. Good God." He hummed, taking another drag − he could see she was looking down at her fingers, ashamed of her words and his cruel reaction. He licked his lower lip with his tongue and closed his eyes, feeling that he was completely hard.

He could smell her, she was still using that fruity, pleasant, fresh perfume.

"You're a romantic, innocent soul, aren't you?" He sneered, letting the smoke out again through his nose with a loud sigh − he heard her cough quietly as the smell of tobacco rose into her lungs. She grunted quietly, her lips tightened in displeasure.

"Innocent souls come to a strange man to spank them for money?"

"You didn't want me to spank you. You haven't experienced even a hint of real, hard domination, sweet girl." He snarled, spreading himself out comfortably on the back of the bench with a loud creak of wood, the metal chains squeaking quietly each time he made another movement with his foot, putting the structure in motion.

"So why did you agree to this?" She asked finally, and he fell silent, staring blankly ahead, taking one last drag on what was left of his cigarette.

"Good question."

They both fell silent again, feeling that their conversation was starting to get out of hand, and after all, someone could have woken up, opened the window, overheard their words.

"Did you tell Robert?" He asked suddenly, and she shook her head, horrified.

"N-no, of course not. And I won't. This is between you two. He respects you very much." She muttered, lowering her gaze to her bent knees, which she held under her chin. He hummed at her statement, accepting her words with some sort of relief.

"Did that help you? Now you know what you need?" He asked impassively, letting the smoke out loudly through his mouth, dropping the remnants of his cigarette into the glass with the unfinished drink, feeling her gaze on him, her body tense, he knew she had hesitated.

"In a way." She replied, and he dared to look her straight in the eye.

She didn't lower her gaze even though he knew some part of her wanted to do so, her lips parted slightly when she noticed his hands had slipped under the blanket, into his trousers. She swallowed loudly when she heard the sound of his zipper being undone and the fabric being unfastened.

"Come here. Sit on my lap." He ordered softly, and she did so without hesitation, as if she had only been waiting for those words, something in her confidence, in her assurance, in her desire, in her hot gaze made his breath stand in his throat.

They said nothing as he slipped her shorts off her, as he lowered his trousers, finally releasing his aching, swollen erection, already leaking from his precum. He didn't protest when her hands tentatively embraced his neck, barely touching him, merely catching her balance, his free hand covering their hips with a blanket.

"I'm clean. I had myself tested a few weeks ago, after I'd already taken a break." He whispered, feeling his cock throb aggressively in his hand at the thought that he could come deep inside her if she would just let him. She nodded her head in understanding, one movement of his hand between her thighs reassuring him that no further treatment would be necessary.

"Have you been this wet all evening? Hm? Have you suffered as much as I have?" He gasped, directing the pink, fat head of his manhood at her swollen slit. She nodded again, her lips parted in disbelief and delight, her eyes closed as she felt him begin to push inside her,his thumbs spreading her folds to the sides, watching with a rapidly beating heart as he slowly opened her wide on his cock.

"− fuck − fuck, tell me you're taking your pills −" He breathed out, tilting his head back, with one sure thrust of his hips filling her tight, leaking cunt to the brim. She squirmed quietly as he began to move inside her immediately, pounding into her with deep, sure stabs, rubbing each time the spot inside her from where she could see stars.

"− y-yes −" She mumbled out, rising and falling on his thick, aching manhood, giving him a wonderful squeeze each time, from which he sank his fingers deeper into her soft buttocks, forcing her into a fast, sharp rhythm in which he hardly slid out of her, panting and grunting louder than usual, thinking only of how wonderfully warm she was, that he could feel her moist, fleshy walls with his whole being with each sure thrust.

"− kiss me −" He exhaled and groaned loudly into her mouth as her lips instantly clung to his in a sloppy, sticky dance, his tongue invading deep into her throat, a shudder went through him as one of her hands combed through his hair.

"− m sorry −" She mumbled, immediately lowering her hand, but he put his one arm around her waist and pressed her closer to him, deepening the kiss with a loud purr of satisfaction, feeling wonderful, the alcohol had given him courage, and her touch was sweet and tender, not making him feel cornered.

"− it's okay − touch my face −" He sighed out between loud, wet licks of their swollen lips, quickening his pace as her hands gripped his cheeks, as her forehead pressed against his. Her walls began to clench on him with increasing intensity, making him lose his temper, not letting her escape the brutal thrusts of his hips.

"− oh, God − fuck, where −" He only mumbled, feeling that it was about to be too late.

"− please, inside me − ah −" She mewled so sweetly that he sighed loudly, surprised to feel his muscles relax, his semen spilling deep inside her without his willpower as her walls began to suck him and squeeze him in orgasm.

They both panted loudly, rocking their hips for a while longer, pulsing and shuddering, stroking each other's faces, looking at each other with their lips slightly parted, breathing heavily.

"− shall we go out somewhere tomorrow? − you know − to the pub or something? −" He muttered embarrassed that he had wanted something more, that he broke his own rule.

He was relieved when she giggled and smiled, nodding, only to lean in a moment later and kiss him in a drawn-out manner with her soft, puffy lips. He murmured contentedly, stroking her warm, bare buttocks with lazy movements, reciprocating her caress with a loud click of their saliva.

She pulled away from him at last, her hand combing slowly through his short hair making a pleasant shiver run along his spine.

"− why not −"

512 notes · View notes

starvity · 1 year ago

Text

— ☆ zb1 reacting to you asking them to teach you how to kiss

gn!reader x zb1 (ot9)

genre: fluff, suggestive, drabble // warnings: kissing, teasing, some of them might be a bit suggestive?, lots of physical contact lol

author’s note: in this context you've been dating bf!jebewon for a while and haven't had your first kiss yet :D (★ω★)/ [requested♡]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ jiwoong

"did you practice a lot for this?" you carefully ask jiwoong as one of his kiss scenes shows on the tv screen. he laughs nervously "why? are you jealous?" his lips curl up into a daring smirk. "not at all, i just would like to get a class from mr. kim, too" you say cheekily. "you should get into acting then." he smiles in fake sympathy and you glare at him until he scoffs at your annoyed face. "i got you, i’ll do it for free. just for you." he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer until your noses touch. "first, you give them a small kiss" his actions follow his words and your face scrunches up out of shyness. "and then… well you just have to know." jiwoong's lips suddenly start to slowly move against yours.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ zhang hao

hao and you were spontaneously cuddling on a sunday morning. both of you are always too lazy to get up so you spend hours talking in each other’s arms, sometimes going back to sleep between each topic. but today you both seem a bit more touchy and eager, hands brushing against each other’s neck and waist. "can i kiss you?" he exclaims, hair messy and sleepy eyes. "but… i’ve never kissed anyone before" you admit, cheeks dusted with pink. "can i be your first?" he smiles, turning his head towards your hand that was holding his cheek to plant there a chaste kiss. you nod as he slowly leans in, taking things slow until you find a rhythm that suits you.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ hanbin

a casual conversation with hanbin eventually lead to the topic that you've been so preoccupied about. he is shocked when you admit that you’ve never kissed anyone and he’s looking at you with big doe eyes, wondering how someone as beautiful as you has never experienced kissing. you start to hide your face in the crook of his neck, embarrassed by your confession and hanbin’s eyes widen even more, if it’s even possible. "no, no, that’s okay!! sorry, i don’t want you to think i’m judging you or anything." he finally realizes how his reaction might have come out. he’ll start off with a few kisses on your cheeks, on each side and with breaks between every single one of them to look deeply into your eyes. he smiles softly before pecking your lips over and over again until you find the courage to deepen the kiss.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ matthew

you were studying with matthew as a question pops into your mind. "have you kissed anyone before?" his head perks up from your voice, a grin already starting to form on his face. "why? want me to teach you?" you can’t help the blush quickly spreading on your ears as he has seen right through your brain. "it’s not like physics" he sets his pencil down on his paper, which happened to be filled with formulas. "you just have to feel it" he explains, reassuringly taking your hands in his, dragging his chair towards yours. the first seconds are awkward, which causes him to giggle against your lips but you quickly get the hang of it as you focus on your feelings towards matthew, utter love, that is.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ taerae

"can we practice something else?" you sigh, a bit tired with how taerae has been practicing guitar and ignoring you for a few hours now. you have been craving for his attention and the romance novel you were reading did not help removing all sorts of thoughts going through your head (images of taerae’s lips against yours, that is). you blush picturing it again, completely ignoring how taerae had gotten up and how he was already hovering over you. you snap back to reality, surprised to see his face so close to yours. "you’re going to have to remove that book if you want it to happen" he chuckles, looking at how you had subconsciously put your opened book over the bottom part of your face. "i don’t know how though" you close your eyes nervously before you feel him giggle against your lips "that’s what practice is for, don’t worry."

ੈ✩‧₊˚ ricky

ricky had gone shopping this morning and here he was doing his weekly haul on your bed, products all spread out on your bedsheets. "they had a sale on lip balms so i took some for you too. want to test them out?" he shows a teasing smile. you nod, innocently puckering your lips for him to apply it for you. your excited face becomes puzzled watching ricky applies it on himself. "this one is strawberry flavored" he mirrors you, puckering his lips. you gulp, staring at how his lips are slightly pink and shimmering. "how do i do it?" you abruptly stop before your lips can touch. "kissing, i mean" you continue, your gaze getting lost in his. ricky hums, placing a hand on your nape to pull you closer. he was wrong though, the lip balm was cherry flavored.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ gyuvin

gyuvin loves to nuzzle his nose in your neck, that’s an habit of his that you’ve always found so endearing. his nose is always kind of cold so he had started looking for some warmth against your skin. you were always giggling when he did it as you were a bit ticklish but today the air felt different. you feel your stomach make a 360 turn as his mouth grazes against the area connecting your neck and your shoulder. "gyuv?" he hums in response. "can you do that here? teach me." he rises his head and his eyes follow your finger which is pointing at your lips. "you’ve never done that?" he asks, eyes widening in a non-judgmental but curious way. you nod before he leans in without hesitation, immediately feeling his lips perfectly fit against yours.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ gunwook

"i’m so bored" you throw your head back against the frame of the opened window, enjoying the soft breeze coming from your side. "me too but it’s so hot that i can’t seem to move much" gunwook comes up to you, resting his head on your shoulder with a sigh. your shift your position so you’re facing him who is now standing between your hanging legs. your hand softly brushes through his slightly damp hair which causes him to look up at you. gunwook smiles softly before hesitantly brushing his lips against yours. you awkwardly peck back his lips, eyes screwed shut in embarrassment. "sorry, do you want me to stop?" gunwook notices your scrunched up face. "i just don’t know how to kiss" you sigh, avoiding his eyes as you blush. "i’m not sure how either, but let’s learn together?" he shoots back a reassuring smile.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ yujin

you were playing the sims with yujin, finally buying your house after spending hours customising your characters. "i don’t really look like myself but that will do" you say, looking at your character closely. "that’s because you don’t have any custom content, look at my hair! that’s not me!" he complains. the night deepens as you're fully immersed into the game. "it is finally time!!" yujin announces dramatically, already giggling between each word. you look at him confused, wondering what he's up to again. you watch the screen as he selects the interaction, making both of your sims kiss. "wow, that's not fair that they are kissing before we do." you softly hit his shoulder. "do you know how?" he looks at you confused, still laughing. "no... we have to watch tutorials" you burst into a nervous fit of laughter until you suddenly feel yujin's lips brush against yours.

#starvity.text #zerobaseone #zb1 #zerobaseone imagines #zerobaseone drabbles #zerobaseone fluff #zerobaseone reactions #zb1 x reader #zb1 imagines #zb1 reactions #zb1 drabbles #zb1 fluff #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #kpop drabble #kpop fluff

1K notes · View notes

blueberrymocha · 4 months ago

Text

their love language ˚୨୧⋆｡

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

ׂ╰┈➤ fluff

➣ characters: gon, killua, kurapika, leorio, hisoka, illumi, chrollo

➣ word count: x

➣ a/n: unedited, so if you catch some errors no u don’t 🔫🤗

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

gon

- physical touch

- as i mentioned, he just loves to be touching you

- it doesn't matter if you're eating breakfast or at the beach

- it's mostly a subconscious thing for him so he probably doesn't even realize when he does it

- like sometimes mid conversation his hands just gravitate to your waist

- you know this boy is all cuddly at night too

- the love language he'd want to be shown most is probably the same

- it'd suck for him if his s/o didn't like touch, so knowing you love it just as much as him is perfect

- he thinks you're made for eachother

killua

- quality time

- he's usually pretty independent

- but if he loved you, suddenly he's around very often

- he'd find whatever reason he can conjure up to hang out with you

- you might just be grocery shopping, but he'll come too

- and he'd invite you to do things with him as well

- the love language he'd want to be shown most is words of affirmation

- he goes on all sorts of adventures and loves to talk about them to you

- plus your praise makes him feel sm more confident in his decisions and also himself generally

- hes def eating those compliments up

kurapika

- words of affirmation

- he can't be around to spend as much time with you as he wishes he could

- but when he is he loves to listen to you talk or ramble

- he might get home at 2AM and roll into bed next to you, but as long as you're awake he's gonna ask how your day went

- he's also really good to go to for advice

- the love language he'd want to be shown most is probably touch

- he loves a physical reminder that you're there with him

- and it's also been a while since he's gotten to just hug someone and kiss them good morning or anything like that

- so he'd truly treasure it

leorio

- gift giving

- whenever he sees something you might like while out, he's sure to grab it

- whether it's a nice purse or a trinket

-expect it to be at your doorstep the next time he sees you

- he'd also hand make you gifts too for your birthday, maybe a picture frame or something

- the love language he'd want to be shown most is acts of service

- he's got a lot going on with school, so whenever you help out with cooking or tidy up his room he's forever grateful

- it's the little things you do to show you care that he loves about you

hisoka

- physical touch

- at first, his touches would be absentminded and teasing in nature

- but you know you’ve got him when he plays with your hair instead of caressing your thighs for example

- and in that case, he’s all over you, all the time

- in fact, he’s rather clingy at times

- if either one of you is down, touch. if he hasn’t seen you in a while, touch. if he just comes home wanting to hold you, touch.

- he doesn’t care what your love language is; it’s amusing all the same.

illumi

- gift giving

- i’d say this is the most obvious

- he’s rich—rich and lacks emotional intelligence

- that being said, he doesn’t lack logic

- his gifts aren’t just going to be of material value (though they usually are)

- he’ll get you a kitchen set because he heard that complaint a few weeks prior

- or maybe a bouquet because you’ve been watching a lot of romance recently

- and with each one he’ll give his little explain of why he chose that

“you were needing __, right? don’t worry, i already got it for you.”

- he does struggle with any other form of affection, so his gifts are a good way for him to remind you of his love

- even if he can’t express it at times

- hot take: he actively doesn’t like most love languages

- physical touch, gift giving, and quality time would just be things he tolerates

- so he prefers a love language that isn’t one of those

chrollo

- quality time

- now he’s usually a huge loner, but eventually he’d rather have you around

- if he’s reading, you can sit in his lap

- if he’s strategizing, you can give counsel

- he also loves to do mundane things with you

- not because he likes the normality in any way

- but because watching you do the dishes with that rhythmic humming, or sleeping in gives him a glimpse into your more vulnerable, personal side

- and as much as his mind is arguing to exploit those parts of you

- his heart just wants to enjoy them

- the love language he’d like to receive is the same as his own

#hxh x reader #hxh hcs #hxh headcanons #hxh imagines #hxh fanfic #hxh gon #hxh leorio #killua x reader #hxh killua #leorio x reader #kurapika x reader #hxh kurapika #chrollo x reader #illumi x reader

350 notes · View notes

comfreyhollywings · 5 months ago

Text

pac reading - need self-love tips? c'mere.

█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█ ◈ █▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█

L O A D I N G . . .

█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█ ◈ █▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█

pile 1.

protect yourself.

i don’t think you quite know how valuable your energy is

like.. guys. i feel like we need to have a lesson solely on the beauty of pouring into your own cup, and to force yall to see how others are inspired by that.

and when you’re in that state where you can just flow; to protect yourself, you naturally shine so bright.

just now— a black wisp of smoke just hovered right in front of my eyes before dissipating. there’s a lot more smoke coming out of my candle purging out this smoke as we speak.

that’s naturally a sign for me that.. if you love yourself; if you want to invest more into yourself, purge the things that are unnecessarily sucking your energy away.

aka energy vampires (doesn’t have to be this figure, could be an energy in your life)

like.. i think… when you properly pour into yourself, you tend to have a lot to give. while this is naturally a good thing to have such a generous heart, you can’t give forever. you can’t give from a place of depletion

especially if others only know how to take, take, take.

there’s something a former mentor said to me in this regard.

“the issue is that giving relentlessly can solicit the very sort of people who have no second thoughts about taking, and never giving. and it's not even always malicious. it's just their dysfunction meets another dysfunction.”

take it from me, someone who’s currently still learning this lesson right now.

i will be so real with y’all

i’m currently going through a period where i’ve distanced myself from my partner of (seven-ish) months after learning that i was the one putting in more effort in emotional labor than my partner.

and it’s not even that my partner had malicious intentions about it

it was just that

he hadn’t developed the emotional maturity let alone apply it to his life. and it’s shit that he had to figure out.

because of this, i felt as if i had to partly take on the burden. not that it was a conscious thing, but it was moreso subconscious where i was driven by kindness to pour into him

as that’s what any decent human being would do, right?

but the taking. it kept taking, taking, and taking. the reciprocity wasn’t really… there much anymore.

codependent tendencies? yes. and it’s shit he individually has to figure out.

the same energy applies to your situation. i’m not sure if these are things you also are sorting out right now, but please know this:

you can act from a place of kindness. absolutely. depending on your situation, you don’t have to cut them off. (if you’re in an abusive dynamic, that’s another story. you CANNOT fix them. you CANNOT change them, period. please get out asap as much as you can. i’ll provide resources. )

you’ll naturally feel like an asshole when you set up boundaries, when you distance yourself, etc etc.

but the thing is that you will need that. to drive yourself to the brink of exhaustion for the sake of others leaves you with little energy for yourself.

like… you fight for others, but who will fight for you? you know? especially when you don’t even recognize the situation you’re in?

prioritize yourself more. examine your needs closely. get out of situations that you know is going to drain you.

maybe it’ll feel like shit initially. like, of course these are bad habits you need to address.

but i promise you, it’s worth it. please keep going.

pile 2.

be gentle with yourself.

two things you must foster: your autonomy and your sense of abundance.

in simple terms: you’re worth being a fucking person standing on your own, you stubborn little fucking gem.

you’re not like. this idealized concept that people make out of you.

you’re not a goddamn concept.

you’re a person. a living, breathing person with needs and wants and dreams

goddammit you deserve to be loved.

please treat yourself with a lot more kindness and autonomy than you have ever done with the people you love.

gods know you deserve it

like christ

this is my pile who probably has self-esteem issues, huh (i say that as if i don’t have weird shit going on with my self-esteem but whatever)

work, work, work. it’s always work with others. it’s always prioritizing their needs before your own.

it’s the tight ball you feel in your chest that gets lodged up inside your throat. it’s the hard swallow as you bite your tongue back. it’s the coughing when you’re in the middle of a sentence before someone takes over without any regard for you.

and it’s not like you’re unable to redirect the spotlight over to you. you absolutely can.

however. like

god forbid you make mistakes right? like, god forbid that you don’t run your mind through a fucking cheese grater if you’re not like a radar.

god forbid you’re not constantly detecting what preconceived faults you have of yourself.

because if you don’t, are you even worthy of love at all?

here’s a secret: you don’t need to work to earn love. your self-worth isn't dictated by how much you pump out to the world.

yes, it requires work to keep love alive, but there’s a vast difference between that and EARNING love.

you are worthy. you are seen. you are accepted for the way that you are.

all of you.

your flaws, your tics, your anger, your hurt, and your sorrow.

and likewise, your love, your passions, your healing, and your joy.

you are worth being gentle to yourself. you are worth the grace you extend out for others. you are worth taking up space.

take off the mask. take off the notion of “perfection”. take off the need to people please. take off the need for constant validation outside of yourself.

sit with yourself. journal. purge. and forgive yourself for the things you’ve been unfair to you about. all of these judgments and old standards that don’t serve you anymore, that you punish yourself for.

you’re enough. stop it.

c’mere pile 2, let me hug you.

you are worthy of it all, my loves.

pile 3.

listen to yourself. give yourself the space to let your voice be heard.

you have such a wonderful, unique, and creative voice that you restrain others from hearing.

it roots back to pile 2’s perceived ‘imperfections’ that they try to adhere to

thus, resulting in them being harsh on themselves.

so let me tell you this: you are lovely.

and your voice deserves to be heard.

additionally, your voice is not just deserving

it’s needed for a time like this. you have a message specifically encoded to you that you’ll have to ground and manifest into the world through your creative works, and it’s time for you to see that.

it’s time for you to honor the creativity bestowed upon you because that is your voice that’ll touch people’s hearts.

that’s the voice that you need to hear from yourself the most.

let things flow, let things come, let them be like water. let your creations permeate and adapt to objects, places, and people.

let it breathe, let it live rather than killing it prematurely.

as i’m writing, i’m hearing this song: frequency by jhene aiko.

a lot of that song talks about blessings and freedom. freeing cities, freeing their seed (the next generation), giving freedom and mercy. it talks about anointing, pouring that oil so that the generations before and after can become kings and queens.

this is a very universal and empathetic song that got channelled out.

so i feel like in many forms no matter the genre, whether it’s through a medium like writing, game dev, videos, podcast, art, and so on

all of your works have these themes in common: freedom, blessings, and generations.

what i want to warn you about though in pursuing your art forms

don’t let ego get the best of you.

now i’m not necessarily talking about arrogance (though that very well might be the case but that normally lies within a much deeper issue of having your self-esteem bloat as a way to overcompensate for your idea of self-worth)

i’m talking about letting your insecurities of looking ‘stupid’ get the best of you because you risk ‘cringing’ at your works.

but the thing with art is that you’re going to have to be stupidly earnest because that is your entire essence.

and if you think about it, a lot of cringe is just

sincere? and earnest?

just get it out there. don’t compare yourself to anybody. your journey is your own, so there’s no need to be anyone or anything

be you

that’s all that matters.

trust me, the you authentically reading this is more powerful than any heroes/idols that you’ve ever grown up putting on a pedestal.

kill your heroes, put down that pedestal.

you’re just as worthy of creating; your heroes are no better than you.

#pac tarot #tarot #tarot card #tarot reading #self-love reading #self-love #pick a card #intuitive readings #intuitive messages #tarot messages #messages from spirit #pick a picture #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pick a pile tarot

292 notes · View notes

inbarfink · 1 year ago

Text

Interesting to note that Fionnaworld losing it's magic is not the only thing that changed about it when Ice King was turned back into Simon Petrikov. The 'side-effects' of it being in Simon's head seem to have... inverted.

Because the whole thing about Fionnaworld being in Ice King's head is that this is how he 'got the idea' for his 'Fionna and Cake' stories. Even though Ice King was supposed to just be 'a big nutty hard-drive', it seems like IK's subconsciousness had some sort of a connection to Fionnaworld and absorbed information from it - that Ice King's conscious self then put into his stories.

This... doesn't seem to be the case with Simon. You know, it's not like he goes 'oh, I get ideas for Fionna and Cake stories sometimes I just don't want to write them because I associate them too much with the Trauma of being Ice King' or even "I can't relate to Fionna and Cake anymore! But I do have some ideas for a pre-war era story about the quarter-life crisis of a blonde girl also coincidentally named Fionna!".

There's no indication that he gets any sort of 'ideas' from the Fionnaworld in his head anymore, a fact that he attribute to, just, a lack of interest in the characters.

Maybe one could speculate that Ice King's magic-infused mind gave it more of an ability to connect to the AU God Shoved in His Head. But.... Simon Petrikov's subconscious is still connected to it on some level. As we can see by the fact Simon's thoughts and immediate surrounding keep effecting the events going on in Fionnaworld.

Did this ever happen with Ice King? It's really hard to say, since we've seen so little of the 'real' Magical Fionnaworld. It was almost always filtered via the lens of Ice King's 'fanfiction'. Like, most obvious examples of 'Fionna and Cake' stuff being influenced by IK's psyche are probably just supposed to be him rewriting the stories in an inaccurate way.

But still, since Prismo was also actively 'writing stories' for Fionnaworld, and he considered it his own personal creative outlet, and since he found Ice King to be a satisfactory 'hard drive' for it all... Like, I'm going to assume that if IK's subconscious had a noticeble effect of the events of the Magical Fionnawrold - Prism wouldn't have been happy with it.

What I think is going on is related less to the matter of the magical-ness of Simon's brain and more to the other factor that Prismo mentioned in regards for picking Ice King's brain

It's emptiness.

Under the effect of the Magic Crown's Curse, Simon has lost most of his long-term (and sometimes even short-term) memories and, like, a lot of knowledge and intellectual skills he used to have. And that meant... a lot of space to store a whole-ass universe in his head, with probably also room to spare.

And maybe even the emptiness of IK's 'cursed dome' acted a bit like a vacuum - causing some information from Fionnaworld to leak into his mind.

But once Simon became himself again, all of this information and knowledge was restored inside his head. And maybe most of the experience of being Ice King is just 'dream-like impressions' like he said back in 'Betty' - but he still seems to retain some memories of these 1000 years as well. Back in 'Betty' he seems to have immediately remembered Finn and Jake, and after being permanently cured, well... he does seem to at least remember the events of "I Remember You' vividly enough to try and recreate them.

So now Fionnaworld is in a head full to the brim with stuff and... well, now it's, like, smooshed up with all of these elements of Simon's mind and psyche. Metaphorically, I'm visualizing it as, like, a bunch of items shoved inside an overstuffed cupboard and Fionnaworld is getting squashed and bent according to the shape of Simon's thoughts and memories that are shoved up close beside it. Less 'breathing room' for the world, and so Simon's thoughts can subconsciously affect the world more. But Fionnaworld information isn't leaking out anymore cause, like, there's enough out-there already.

That might also explain why Fionnaworld seems to be so damn small. Not even a full city as much as a few blocks.

It should be about as large as the actual Land of Ooo, but it might've shrank to be 'compact' enough to still fit into Simon's no-longer-empty mind.

(But now that they're free from his head and also canonized that's no longer a concern. It's alright now.)

#adventure time #atimers #fionna and cake #fionna & cake #at #at fionna and cake #fac #f&c #adventure time fionna and cake #adventure time simon #fionna and cake simon #fionna and cake series #fionna and cake show #simon petrikov #simon adventure time #ice king #the ice king

559 notes · View notes

cartoonsinthemorning · 1 month ago

Note

Please, I have so much love for your fem!stan, please tell me your thoughts about fem!mulletstan, or fem!drifterstan. I once read a fanfic where Filbrick kicking out Stan was just a scare tactic, I imagine he’d have the same sentiment for a female Stan as well, but he’s too prideful to go get his little girl after it backfires and she doesn’t come back home.

Meanwhile, Stan’s determined to prove she’s just as capable as any boy after years of being undermined for being born a girl! Even so, she’s not above using her feminine wiles to sling her FDA acknowledged merchandise, after all sex sells. Eventually she soon realizes that sex does indeed sell.

OOOHH Anon, tesoro, SAPESSI! You have no idea how happy your messages makes me, because you’re enabling me to YAP about my favorite topic, that I’ve been thinking about A LOT. Thank you so much! WARNING: Stancest is ALWAYS implied/established in my musings. The following lucubrations are no exception. In general, I think fem!Stan would get punished way less harshly than his canon male counterpart. Not that she’s coddled or untouchable- Constance would get hit occasionally, if she acts way out of the line, by both parents. But, I personally don’t think kicking her out would ever be a thing- not even as a threat: Given the time period/culture, the (horrible) assumption that throwing a teen boy out would not only be a punishment, but also a formative experience of sort- to make him self-sufficient- would NEVER be expected to apply to a girl. On the contrary: Constance would be perceived as someone that could NEVER be self-sufficient. Not only because she’s the “gentle sex”, but also because she’s a weird, off-putting dunce of a girl, unlikely to get picked by a wealthy enough- or even honest man that would take care and provide for her. If we were talking about a version of this universe where the machine accident happens like in canon, Constance would receive a slap across the face, as a punishment for what she did, and a particularly heated, demeaning tirade from Filbrick, imo. Now, that said--- I have two main favorite divergences, I’ve toyed with, for fem!Stan's future:

1) A version where Constance did destroy Ford’s machine, on purpose, in a fit of anger, because she’s subconsciously trying to get kicked out: rationally, she is aware how hard and scary it would be to run away from home, and that her family would look for her. But, if they HATED her, not only they wouldn’t feel bad, they’d also take the very hard decision for her, of cutting her out. But, what happens is that- they DO act like they despise her- but still, they won’t kick her out! It’s an outcome so painful and so humiliating, it’s the final straw that makes Constance snap and run away- to basically become drifter!Stan. And, Ford’s resentment and hatred, in this version, not only comes from Stan taking away his chance to go to his ideal College, but also because she abandoned him! Off to live her indecent, dangerous life with some biker- probably- when if, had she been patient for a few years- had she truly loved him as she said- Ford would had been the one to provide for her- spoil her rotten, even. Like, this is a universe where Ford was THE only eldest son, with an implicit duty to be his sister’s protector, and if you add in he’s been in love with her, too… In the 10-years-later reunion, Ford would have this incel-like feeling of pain and humiliation- because his baby sister at his door is wearing a miniskirt, and her hair is cut so short, and it’s evident she’s not that innocent anymore. But still, as tired and battered by life as she is, Constance would still NOT be begging Ford to be her savior and mer-- and let him take care of her! [Complicated incestuous tension ensues].

Version number 2) Constance accidentally destroyed Ford’s machine, just like in canon- but doesn’t get kicked out and- since she’s a girl and Ford is more protective and softer, after some silent treatment, he forgives her. And actually, he uses what happened to his advantage, to coax Constance into following him to Backupsmore: "it’s gonna take him so much more time to become successful, now that he’s relegated to that college, meaning he and Stan would end up separated so much longer! She’d have to remain at Glass Shard Beach all alone, for ages! But.. if she followed him, she could get a job, a room apartment of her own, and… nobody would know them, over there. They could even date in secret." And, Constance would hesitate, because she dreads an unfulfilling future as her brother’s accessory, but also, she is in love with him, and she inevitably internalized part of the sexism she’s been subjected to for most of her life, so… she accepts. Even pumps herself up, gaslights herself into thinking it’s gonna be a fresh, exciting new start, away from her shitty small town. And indeed… Even if the twins enjoy the relative freedom of their romance, far from home, inevitably Constance feels unsatisfied, like she just switched the background, but she’s still working as a waitress, doing nothing she truly loves, or feels good at. That’s when I like to imagine she ends up messing it up big time, by joining an MLM or something, in attempt to find her own success lmao. AND, it’s complicated, because she does find out she is actually GOOD at selling shit to people. This is her true calling! But, the business was scummy as fuck- to an illegal degree- and she ends up arrested for the first time. And, escapes from prison for the first time. Stan is a chaotic disaster, impossible to contain, in every universe. To make it short, once again the story goes back to its tracks, and Ford and Stan separate dramatically. Now, this version actually had a VERY angsty ship-focused sub-divergent version with Fiddleford involved, and a very jealous Ford. But I don’t even know if you’d be interested in that, so I’ll stop here. ++++ I do love that part of your ask, about Stan realizing she can use her sex-appeal to her advantage... To imagine her seducing people into helping her/condoning her schemes is so fucking sexy~ I will think of a specific scenario, because damn.

#stancest #fem!Stan #genderswap #stan pines #long post #oh shit I really gotta go to bed #mmhh it's pretty late so if this whole ramble is a mess I blame lack of sleep #I still hope you'll enjoy reading

85 notes · View notes

kekaki-cupcakes · 1 year ago

Note

Hiiii! How are you hanging?

Warning: periods? Not sure if it’s a warning. If it is or it makes you uncomfortable I am so so sorry it was not my intention

Could you write for Leo Valdez being his s/o’s biggest simp and like acting as heater and heating pad especially when she’s on her period and building her lots of gadgets for basically anything he thinks she may need?

Feel free to skip this obviously!

Sorry again and have a lovely day!

Bye! (Ps I have reade your Nike one for about 20 times now and it still is so fun and amazing! ‘Cant wait for the Hypnos one!)

I'm working on so much rn so this is just a short head canon list that sort of derailed but it was so cute to write. I'm glad you liked the Nike one, and the Hypnos fic was just posted I hope you find it <3

And period talk doesn't make me uncomfortable don't worry I'm fine with writing lots of that kind of stuff I just have like, limits with smut and age gap kind of stuff [I'm also a minor]

This header just gave me like, hot water bottle cover vibes and matched the rest of it too, hope you enjoy!

Hotboy/Hotpack---Leo V x gn reader on their period

»»————-　★　————-««

-No but like he’s literally perfect for the job

-Who else is better at laying down as a weighted blanket and heating himself up to perfect temperature and then just literally fiddling with rubix cubes while you use him as a hot water bottle

-He’d be so happy to as well, like it was the best job in the world [which it is to him, he gets cuddles as well as being a good boyfriend. It’s a win win]. Even if you didn’t ask, he’d catch you microwaving a wheat pack while you take painkillers in the camp kitchen and sneak up behind you and hug you. Or maybe he’d lay across the counter dramatically,

-‘mi amor are you replacing me? Why would you do this? I love you, and now there's other guys in your life!’

-‘it’s literally a hot water bottle’

-‘No! I must win you back!...Come on let’s go make out-’

-Then he’d take the hot water bottle away and smother you in kisses [if you felt like it] and drag you back to your cabin. He’d bring your favorite snacks and steal Pipers Ipad, the one with the hello kitty stickers, and you’d watch movies to pass the time.

-He’s the type to try those different rubbing points on your stomach to help with cramps [gods his hands are so fine, but that’s besides the point] and even if they didn’t work you’d get a massage out of it <3

-So we’ve all agreed Leo is the little spoon, right?

-He’d act so tough and macho, spooning you to heat up his hands on your stomach but then you rolled over in your sleep once and woke up to him grinning his head off while you hugged him

-Of course you figured it out and now you’re the big spoon because he’s just so small and cuddly, like a teddy bear [even if he’s a bit boney] and when you get cramps it works even better. He’s like a life sized heat pack pressed against you, and he always holds you hands as well because he’s just like that :D

-He has the softest curly hair when it isn’t covered in sawdust and grease, and when he lays his head on your chest or that little spot between your neck and your shoulder you could just run your hands through it. Or maybe put little plaits in it. He’d love that. Touch is definitely his love language, once he realizes he does deserve it, as well as gifts and acts of service.

-Gifts and acts of service is a subconscious thing for him that he doesn’t even realize he does and likes until he spots the shelf next to your bed filled with all the little things he’s made. Gold or silver jewelry [he quickly figured out which one was favorite through trial and error you didn’t even notice], little metal flowers he’d welded with his fingers, which were literally made with love. There’d be things like lollies and packets of gum he’d realized you liked and promptly bought when he went out, fairy lights he’d made in the shape of hearts, candles with your favorite scents he’d made from when Hazel had a wax-y crafts phase, and more.

-If you ever gave him something in return, he’d probably cry

-But he knows you love him and he definitely knows he loves you [as well as the rest of CHB lol]

»»————-　★　————-««

#pjo fandom #pjo #heroes of olympus #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #leovaldez #Leo valdez #leo valdez x reader #leo valdez x oc #leo valdez x you #leo valdez x y/n #Leo valdez x gender neutral reader #reader on their period #gender neutral reader #gender neutral y/n #but no y/n dw #lol

581 notes · View notes

junosmindpalace · 1 year ago

Note

Hello! I absolutely love all your Dr Stone works!! Especially about Senku, so now I want to make a request. Can you do Senku fluff alphabet? Senku and reader are in relationship. I am not fluent in English, I hope you understood everything, thank you!!

hi there! thank you for your request! i’ve never done a fluff alphabet omg this was so fun. these are pretty much the same everywhere i looked but i specifically took questions from @ arlertdarling !

synopsis: your relationship with senku from a-z.

( A ) AFFECTION — how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?

senku’s biggest and most prominent love language is very obviously acts of service, and even then they can be seemingly indirect or misleading. he typically frames the things he does as doing them for his own benefit, but they obviously benefit you as well. he’s a little more open with doing you favors or kind acts for no particular reason other than to help you or make you smile just because you two are so close and know each other so well.

perhaps if you’ve been together for a while, he’ll allow some physical affection from you, but typically never initiates it himself outside of gently tugging your hand to lead you somewhere or grabbing your shoulder(s), placing a hand on your lower back or what not to guide you elsewhere. he also tends to get more physical if you are/were in danger for obvious reasons. it's more so reassurance for him that you’re alright and being right there to help immediately in case something is wrong.

words of affirmation is a close second in terms of love languages. he can be really encouraging with his words when you need a pick me up, and really moving when you just need some reassurance when things feel too hectic.

( B ) BEST FRIEND — what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?

your friendship developed from your occasional bump ins when he’d be in the middle of an experiment. you’d always look on at him in awe, and eventually invited yourself to sit and watch and ask him questions, which he had no qualms at all with answering. from there you would watch and help out with his experiments more regularly.

he’s not a friend that's too high maintenance. whether you come to visit him in the science club room every day or once every couple of weeks, senku doesn’t treat you any less like a friend, or at the very least a well acquainted schoolmate. he’s fun to be around, however. someone you can go to if you’re bored and will always encourage you in your own hobbies. it’s your mutual dedication and passion for the things you love that make you two so close.

( C ) CUDDLES — do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?

not a big cuddler, but he can get a little clingy when he’s sleeping. he tends to curl in on himself, but if you happen to be in the vicinity, he might subconsciously reach for you. at best, he feels comfortable enough to lay his head on your thighs or stomach with an arm wrapped loosely around your waist or on top of your stomach. you make sure to avert any sort of conversation related to this when he wakes up, subtly maneuvering him off your lap as he sits up with a drowsy look on his face as to avoid embarrassing him or making him uncomfortable. you can tell he sometimes realizes what happened, but never outwardly says so--and never tells you to push him away, either.

( D ) DOMESTIC — do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?

not an incredibly prevalent thought. at best its fleeting if hes thinking about it at all. he’s probably very indifferent to the idea of marriage and having children, and even simply living a simple existence just isn’t his style.

in terms of chores, he probably does them fairly well, except it would probably take him a couple of reminders and has a bad habit of leaving messes from all the time he spent alone preoccupied with his experiments. however the fact that he managed his home by himself a lot probably means he’s good at doing them, but like any person, it’s probably a pain for him.

( E ) ENDING — if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?

probably finds a suitable time to talk to you somewhere private and flat out tells you he wants to end things. it seems harsh, but there’s no reason to beat around the bush. his tone of voice and expression are far from emotionless, however. he keeps himself composed and steady for the most part, but you can see that it also pains him from the slight waver and strain in his voice, and from the creases in between his brows and lines on his forehead. he makes sure to do his best to let you down as gently as he thinks he can and doesn’t judge you for any sort of emotions you feel or express toward him.

( F ) FIANCÉ — how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?

again, marriage is probably a very fleeting thought for senku and something he’s for the most part indifferent toward. he doesn’t feel commitment needs to be cemented through a ceremony or new marriages titles or a piece of paper; he cares about you and loves you, and doesn’t need a ring on his finger to remind him to be unwaveringly loyal. maybe would make fun of some wedding and marriage traditions, but even though he himself would probably never suggest marriage, if it means something to you, he doesn’t see the big deal in going through with it--though he probably wouldn’t be all for a ceremony or anything too grand.

( G ) GENTLE — how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?

it really depends on the circumstances. sometimes senku can come off somewhat harsh to a person who isn’t all that familiar with him, but it typically isnt his intention, especially not with you. for the most part your relationship is mostly comprised of teasing and playful banter, but when you tend to get more personal and sensitive, the gruffness in his voice quiets down and becomes a lot gentler.

this also goes with physical touch. he sometimes tends to just randomly pull at you to follow him certain places, and of course if you’re in any potential danger, but his touch can also be super soft and reassuring, typically when you’re expressing insecurity or hard feelings of some kind.

( H ) HUGS — do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?

like said with cuddling, not a big hugger. grand pda is just not his thing, but he won’t always refuse it. if its you, he’s probably a little more willing to be touchy, but it doesn’t happen all too often. most of the time its you initiating the hug, whether its draping over him mid experiment or hugging him from behind as he takes note of something, and usually he doesnt comment on it or move away, simply letting himself exist in your arms as he does whatever he’s doing and continuing your conversation normally. he might sometimes rub his hand over yours or place his arm under your elbow when he turns around to face you with a fond gaze even despite his smirk and teasing tone.

( I ) I LOVE YOU — how fast do they say the L-word?

he has yet to say it outright as a single phrase, but its obvious that he says it in more indirect ways. in the kind things he does for you, in the concern he expresses when you feel low about something or might be in danger, in the ways he motivates you when you feel hopeless and insecure. and when you teasingly call him out for all of these kind things, he scoffs and rolls his eyes and will occasionally say things along the lines of “i love when you ____”. still, it’s rare even if he says this, and he’s usually very nonchalant when he does, but you can take notice of the slight shyness in his voice from the way it quiets just a slight bit and his eyes hold a softer expression.

still, it takes him a bit to get to this point. a lot of familiarizing yourselves with one another, getting more personal and proving yourself over and over as someone reliable and admirable makes it easier and easier for senku to express these feelings for you. and though he doesn’t say the L word out loud, he definitely thinks it with every impressive feat you manage to accomplish or witty remark you make that only solidify his reasoning as to why he’s with you in the first place.

( J ) JEALOUSY — how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?

not incredibly often, but it’s not unheard of. it’s mostly when hes already overwhelmed with a lot on his plate, and seeing someone chatting you up, even if there wasn’t any flirty intention behind their words or actions, just irritates senku, and he’ll usually break it up by yelling at them to focus up on their work or guiding you away to help him with something else, calling over his shoulder “shouldn’t you be doing ____? how about getting on that instead of distracting our crew?”

it can be subtle, but it can also be very obvious, which leads to people making some teasing remarks toward him for it, but he mostly ignores them. same with classmates, he’ll just redirect their attentions away from you and swoop in to show you something of his own.

( K ) KISSES — what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?

like hugs, he’s not the biggest kisser, and he’s not the one initiating them. he’s sort of (very) awkward when it comes to kissing in the early stages of your relationship, and it takes a good amount of time before he eventually stops stiffening as much over a kiss on the cheek.

of course you don’t force him into anything he’s uncomfortable with, and have no problem not kissing him, but you can tell from the way he’s more relaxed when you lean over to give him a quick peck when he has a smirk or a pout on the lips that he’s grown to like them just a slight bit on occasion.

if he had to decide on a favorite spot to receive kisses, he’d maybe say his temple. if he were to ever initiate a kiss for you, it would be somewhere less noticeable and in private, such as on your inner wrist or knuckles.

( L ) LITTLE ONES — how are they around children?

so good. he’s stupidly good with them. he doesn’t even do anything consciously to try to appeal to them for the most part; they’re just drawn to his experiments and funny words, and of course senku for the most part indulges them, so he becomes popular pretty quickly.

it’s incredibly endearing to see him interact and form a relationship with the children of ishigami village, watching their curious heads peek from behind his shoulder or back at his experiments and petting their hair when they crowd around him, eagerly asking to play or show them more cool modern inventions.

sometimes he might whisper in their ears to go over to you to watch you do whatever it is you’re most skilled at, and you know immediately whose responsible for the sudden eager crowd of little people around you when your gaze meets senku’s and he shoots you a smirk, with you rolling your eyes in retaliation.

( M ) MORNING — how are mornings spent with them?

maaaaybe slightly controversial take but i think it takes him a bit to properly wake himself up. he’s pretty groggy in the mornings and isn’t fully ready to start the day until an hour or two after he wakes up. however, i can see the sleepiness fading from his system a lot quicker than it does for most people, so if you were to see him at school in the mornings or in a classroom, he’s annoyedly outgoing and cheerful for your taste. still, if you were to spend your mornings together even before all that, you’re usually spending them in silence or having quiet and short conversation.

( N ) NIGHT — how are nights spent with them?

arguably worse than mornings, but this time he’s keeping you awake. he doesn’t go to bed till probably around midnight, and most of his studying time is probably spent in the evenings. if either of you are sleeping over, usually senku has his nose in a book till his eyes get too heavy and he puts it down to rest. he either joins you already curled into bed passed out, or you sit beside him doing whatever you do in the evenings as he sleeps. nights are not all that eventful for you personally, it’s mostly just being in each others’ presence while doing your own things, with occasional conversation here and there.

( O ) OPEN — when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly.

the more personal details about himself probably come later. definitely not an all at once person, and most of the time you just have to let him come to revealing stuff on his own terms. when he does, it’s during a time you’re being very sensitive and personal with each other, and it sort of slips out. either then or at another random time where he reveals something new about himself or his background very nonchalantly. you don’t usually call it out, but you’ll try to ask some questions to get him to expand and tuck the knowledge away.

again, he’s not the emotional type, so when it comes to himself and his more personal aspects, it can take a little longer to get information out of him compared to other stuff, such as his passion for and knowledge of science.

( P ) PATIENCE — how easily angered are they?

senku himself has said (if i remember correctly), that he gets irritated and is just good at disguising it. for him to be genuinely angry, however, i think would take quite a bit. he can be over the top in how he reacts when he’s annoyed, but it doesn’t come from a place of genuine rage.

i think in order to anger him, you’d have to insult something he deeply cares about repeatedly, or threaten it. and even then he’s usually good at not letting himself go crazy over it.

he’s rarely ever angry with you, if not at all. you’re both familiar with your banter and teasing, and you know what lines not to cross or not to take certain comments too personally.

( Q ) QUIZZES — how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?

generally very good at remembering things about you. you don’t expect him to remember every slight off hand comment you make, but he often manages to surprise you when he brings up details that even you forgot you ever shared with him.

he cares about you a lot, and though he’s already pretty attentive, it only enhances when it comes to you discussing aspects about yourself. he’s interested in learning about you, from your hobbies to your fondest memory. whatever it may be, he usually is able to recall it.

( R ) REMEMBER — what is their favourite moment in your relationship?

he likes any sort of moment where he’s spending time with you working on an experiment or discussing something science related. working on the thing he’s most passionate about with the person he loves and cares for the most? those are his favorite times, especially since you’re always so enthusiastic about them, asking him question after question and helping him complete the experiment.

he also likes being able to indulge, and you encouraging him and taking an interest yourself is something he really appreciates. he also thinks it’s incredibly endearing to see you so passionate and curious, and very attractive when you explain your own research and demonstrate your own knowledge and skill. he never forgets how much you contribute to his own growth because of this.

( S ) SECURITY — how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?

not overly protective unless you were in some sort of danger. even if there was potential for you to get hurt, he still isn’t the most overbearing in his concern. of course, he still likes to do whatever he can to prevent any danger (though he knows you’re capable of handling yourself, it’s more so for his own peace of mind and he just can’t admit to it), and so he does insist you wear protective gear and gives you tools to help you do your job more efficiently in the stone world.

he wouldn’t want you to step in and prevent him from doing anything, but the best way you could protect him is in the same way he protects you—by having his back. being there to provide him with the resources and support he needs in any given situation, especially dangerous ones or endeavors he very passionate about.

( T ) TRY — how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?

unless you’re a person who doesn’t really like to celebrate relationship milestone or events, senku will make at least some sort of effort to commemorate the moments somehow. again, it’s through more subtle and indirect means, but eventually you’re able to piece together why he seems to be a little nicer and more sentimental on those kinds of days.

gifts are also not always the most straightforward and are usually practical and science related, hand crafted by senku himself, which makes you appreciate them all the more. sometimes they can be too straightforward and basic, however. but if he knows there’s something specific you’ve been indecisive about getting, or a certain place you’ve been meaning to visit, he might surprise you with a trip or take that push to make that purchase for you.

he goes about his everyday tasks outside of science like any other person—or any other teen. he does well in school and helps out around the household with chores.

( U ) UGLY — what would be some bad habits of theirs?

can maybe get a little too distanced from his emotions. he has a bad habit of breaking intimate moments in favour of teasing, but it mostly stems from his own discomfort toward that sort of stuff. he gets better at handling it further into your relationship, but it’s a habit he still has trouble completely breaking down.

he also has a habit of getting too caught up in his experiments. there are certain days where all he wants to do is work, and sometimes that means making the people around him join in and help him. once he’s got his mind on something he’s determined to see it through, and this typically happened often where he wouldn’t pull away from the experiment or project until he gave himself a designated break or was forced to stop due to external factors.

( V ) VANITY — how concerned are they with their looks?

next to not at all. senku can understand wanting to look presentable, but the last thing on his mind is whether or not he should cut his hair a certain way or wear his shirt in a certain style (he’s never expressed a problem with his cowlicks).

he’s probably never stressed out that much about the way he’s perceived in terms of personality either. perhaps only when it came to testing his physical limits or dressing up in clothes that aren’t his own personal style (as seen in the wardrobe montage). but overall he’s not hyperfiaxfing on it, not even to try to impress you (he naturally cleans up well).

his close friends might tell you that he tends to subconsciously adjust his clothes or straighten his back when you walk into a room, however.

( W ) WHOLE — would they feel incomplete without you?

i don’t think so. senku has his own passions and goals and many other people who share them and that he’s close with. he definitely doesn’t need one specific person to make him feel like himself, and that’s one thing you greatly admired about him.

still, just because he thinks he can get by without you doesn’t mean he wants to. he’s always trying to include you in aspects of his life, and you’ve become such a big part of it that it would take him a long time to actually heal from not having you around.

he can’t deny that though it doesn’t feel soul crushing to be apart from you for so long, he can feel a more comfortable and reassuring feeling when he’s by your side.

( X ) XTRA — a random headcanon for them!

he’s really good at impressions thanks to his dad. it’s one of those habits that he really didn’t like but ended up rubbing off on him from how often byakuya did them, and every time he catches himself doing an impression or talking to himself in another voice, he physically stops whatever he’s doing and groans about how he “sounds just like my old man” or “is turning into my old man”.

it makes you laugh though, so he doesn’t feel as embarrassed doing them when he’s voicing a hypothetical situation of some sorts when he’s explaining something to do. if anything, your laughter only encourages him.

( Y ) YUCK — what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?

a person who lacks ambition and curiosity. he doesn’t get how he could relate to a person like that at all, let alone spend the rest of his life with them. his partner doesn’t need to be as fiercely passionate about science as he is, but he wouldn’t want a partner that has absolutely no big interests hobbies or skills. those kinds of people seem like the ones he’d be least compatible with.

( Z ) ZZZ — what are their sleep habits?

most of the time tries to get at least 8 hours of sleep, but sometimes tends to get a little less. it’s important for him to have a healthy sleeping cycle/schedule so his brain and body can work to their full capacity. he can still function without a lot of it, but it’s harder on his mental and physical strength, so it’s even more important that he gets enough to keep him going throughout the day.

very rarely pulls an all nighter. has definitely pulled a couple, but it’s not often enough to have his body adjust to simply two hours of sleep without any side effects.

like i said before, he tends to cuddle in on himself, wrapping the blanket over his shoulders so he’s completely covered. cannot sleep well in the heat, so he’d rather be freezing at night. adjusts himself maybe a couple of times throughout the night, from curling against your leg to turning his back toward you.

#wrote something to make up for all the writing i HAVENT been doing #as always life has been busy.#bjt i miss m’y boy #dr stone x reader #dr stone oneshot #dr stone fluff #drst x reader #drst oneshot #drst fluff #senku ishigami x reader #senku ishigami fluff #senku ishigami oneshot

285 notes · View notes

y0ur-loca1-lyr3 · 10 months ago

Text

Alastor when falling in love/dating headcanons

A/N; my first time trying headcanons lol, hope I did well!

Falling in love

Let’s be honest, Alastor rarely actually likes most beings as a friend, let alone as a romantic partner

But when he does for either scenario, he has to notice that person as more than just some pawn for entertainment

Maybe you’re more socially intelligent, maybe you have more power, maybe you’re closer to Charlie, maybe all of those

But there has to be something that makes him see you as a threat to his power, or his control

Because of this when you first enter the hotel, he’s going to try to upstage you

If he can find a flaw about you, he’ll utilize that to the max

Think how he acted around Lucifer in ‘Dad beat Dad’

But when he notices you’re not going to be intimidated by him he starts to grow angry

If you really wanna ruffle his feathers just ask “uhm…who are you..?”

Not even in a polite way, just in a rude judgmental way

Oh, that makes his blood boil

When he’s not around you, at first he’s trying to get rid of you, take away the threat

But then you leave for a long period of time without notice to anyone but husk

And not even sober husk

So basically nobody really knows where the hell you went (pun intended)

The first maybe hour or two Alastor was like “good riddance”

But then for some damn reason he started to miss you

If you’re gone for more than one day, his mood actually visibly changes

Sure he’s still smiling, but he’s still a bit less motivated to do things

And he’s probably having troubles with coming up with ideas for his radio broadcast

Then you come back and he’s back to normal

It’s like his subconscious went “oh, cool :D”

But now that brings up another obstacle for him

As established before he wants any threats out of his way, but he somehow has grown attached to you?

This wasn’t what he wanted, no not at all

Now what was he supposed to do?

Even worse is the realization that he still has humanity

Humanity is weakness

And if some like say… Vox found out about this?

He’d be royally fucked

It takes a looong while for him to figure out that A. It was love, and B. Come to terms with that

Lots of avoidance and back handed comments

If you sat at the bar? He’d leave

If you tried to compliment him, you’d only get a short “Hm.”

If you invited him to talk with you, even just to get to know him he’d make an excuse

And if Charlie attempts to force him he will refuse/ escape in some way

Blowing up and asking him what his problem is won’t help either

He’ll sit there with a patient smile with petty thoughts, and justifications for his actions running through his head as he tried to appear unfazed

Until someone interrupts/ ends the conversation or you just give up and leave

He’ll leave while rolling his eyes slightly, muttering about how sensitive people are these days

Once he does finally come to terms with it, he’s less hostile around you

Don’t get me wrong he still avoids you like the plague because you’re his only weakness

But he’s kinder to you when he does interact with you

Maybe he’ll offer to pay for your drink before leaving

He might even leave a little box of homemade chocolates at your door, or give you some ‘leftover’ Jambalaya he made specifically for you to try

Little favors like that

Dating

It’s never really said aloud that the two of you are dating

It just was sort of agreed upon silently between the two of you

One day he invited you via letter to come skygaze with him at his radio tower

At first you’re kind of suspicious that he has an ulterior motive

But when you get there and you’re invited to sit beside Alastor, you realize he just wanted to see you. Why? You didn’t know, but at least his intentions weren’t ill

Then he crossed his pinky with yours

Nothing grand like kissing, he’s not too fond of physical affection

But just a small bit of contact

If you choose to interlock your pinky with his, internally he’ll lose his mind

It’s like confirmation that you feel the same way without verbally saying it

Since then everyone just sort of knew at the very least he cared a bit more about you

He’d frequently talk with you

Like how most people would interact with good friends

Except he gets a little more protective of you

There’ll be a shadow that follows you everywhere

Sometimes the shadow will tease a bit

Maybe pick up a piece of hair and then put back in place quick, or maybe brush against your arm, nothing harmful, really

Since he doesn’t really show his love through physical affection, he shows it through gifts or acts of service

Mainly acts of service

You’ll often go back to your room after a hard day to find your bed made and your pillows fluffed with a new stuffed animal on your bed

His favorite way to show his affection physically is by your hand

He won’t really hold your hand outright, but he’ll usually gently kiss it after saying something romantic

Maybe if your sitting at the bar, talking with Husk he will

When he’s feeling especially happy, or romantic, or he somehow got wasted, he’ll give you a peck on the lips, but that’s about the only time you two really kiss

He will cuddle if you ask to but otherwise he doesn’t really do cuddling

The first time you tell him you love him, even just as a quick goodbye, he’ll melt on the inside

If you look close enough you can see his eyes soften a tad bit

He’ll probably say “you too” if the both of you are in public, or something along those lines, but if you’re in private, maybe cuddling or as he’s comforting you for some reason

He’ll say it softly, and then most likely give you a small head pat, or if he’s getting really sentimental, he’ll give you a peck on the forehead

All in all, he does love you, he just sort of shows it in his own way that he’s comfortable with <3

215 notes · View notes

outmakingmoonshine · 5 months ago

Text

I was just writing a post about the Carmy/Faks scene & how it's really just Carmy talking to himself. For this scene the two Faks represent his inner voices/subconscious (which might only apply to this scene idk), but then I decided to see what all these scenes looked like together and wow am I glad I did!! Seeing these 4 scenes side by side is very interesting.

The first two scenes in 3x05 & 3x07 mirror each other, the last two scenes in 3x09 mirror each other and all 4 of them tell their own story together. The first scene is Carmy's talking to himself but shouting & aiming it at anyone who's listening. The 2nd is Syd talking to herself but mostly mumbling so only she can hear. In the Faks scene Carmy's having an "imaginary" conversation out loud with two people, just like Syd's doing in the last scene rehearsing what she might say to both Adam Shapiro and Carmy.

And if you rearrange these scenes & put the first 2 after the Faks scene, if we saw/heard those sarcastic "that makes sense" comments after we saw the "Claire is peace" scene in that exact same location, it would've been a lot easier to figure out what they're really referring to!

There are lots of layers to unpack here but I'm gonna talk about the main things that jump out at me. This is probably gonna be a bit chaotic with different ideas and breakdowns of what things could mean so I hope it's not too confusing. Anyone else feel free to jump in with your thoughts.

Below the cut

Notice how in all these scenes, except one, Carmy and Syd are alone talking out loud to themselves, vocalizing their inner thoughts. Mute the video and just read the subtitles if you need to. The scene with the Faks reads like a conversation with imaginary friends or like the two funny inner voices of a character in a comedy movie. All these scenes are like they're from a comedy movie tbh.

In the first two scenes Carmy & Syd act the same way they both deal with their problems (Carmy shouting about it to anyone who'll listen and Syd pissed but mostly keeping it quiet/to herself). They're the only ones actually inside the dumpster in all the scenes which makes me think it represents their minds and the boxes are the mental chaos & thoughts they're trying to sort through. The Faks are technically outside Carmy's mind/the dumpster so they don't speak from the mind or for the mind but they're close to it, communicating with it & "helping" sort through the chaos. Maybe the dumpster represents the conscious mind and the Faks are Carmy's subconscious. It sounds like The Faks are encouraging Carmy to fall back into his base programming, which people often tend to do when they're lost and don't know what to do. They're trying to convince him to call Claire bc Carmy's base programming from his family is "Claire is good". That's what safe to him bc it's a "truth" he's always known & believed. Idk there's many possibilities. It's also Interesting how later this episode The Faks go to Claire and speak directly for Carmy like they know for sure what he's thinking & feeling.

Lets get into the dialogue of the first two scenes:

"[Carmy] That makes sense. [box clatters] Boxes full of bullshit. Put it on the f*cking list. Oh, it's good. I'll do it. I got it. I got it."

Just a side note: The next line in the script is "I don't know wha-what I'm supposed to do with all this stuff" from Marcus in the next scene where he's clearing out all his mum's stuff with Syd.

"[Syd] 'Cause why would you do it? I mean, you're supposed to do it. This is-- This is fine. This is good. This makes sense. This is f*cking… F*ck. F*ck. [pants] [muttering] F*ck. [growls] fcking-- Where are the fcking Faks? F*ck!"

I don't even know where to start, there's so many ways to read this!

Carmy said one specific thing in the Faks scene that very clearly "didn't make sense"...Claire is peace. He knows that's not true but I think the point is he's been avoiding thinking about who his peace actually is all S3*. Carmy & Syd are both sarcastically saying "that makes sense" like it's subtly referring to that scene later in the same place. Was the panic attack scene by the same dumpsters? Idk someone let me know please.

*Carmy said in 3x07 he tries to avoid thinking about legacy. The only legacy we know of is the one he's trying to build with Syd both professionally and personally. His realization that Syd's brings him peace in the panic attack in 2x09 is the reality of his legacy that he's been trying to avoid all S3. He's working to get her his star and creating dishes inspired by her so Syd's cearly on his mind but the one thing he should be thinking about and talking to her about, he's avoiding.

There are many different layers of possible meaning and/or foreshadowing in this dialogue, but one layer it can be read is how they're both thinking/feeling about the Claire situation bc even tho Syd didn't mention it all season it's still there between them. Maybe none of this is about Claire, but if it was:

Carmy: "[sarcastically] that makes sense"...claire is "peace". "Boxes full of bullsh*t"...he's full of bullshit that Claire's his peace?!! Or maybe Claire is in the boxes of bullshit aka his baggage and past trauma he needs to sort through? "Put it on the "f*cking list"...put Claire on the list of his stress & baggage? And a very sarcastic "Oh it's good. I'll do it. I got it. I got it." He'll do what he's "supposed to do" with Claire & call her/apologize/maybe even be with her even tho it clearly sounds like he doesn't want to..?? He's "got it"...even though he clearly doesn't. "It's good" but she's clearly not The Good Thing™.

Syd: "Cause why wouldn't you do it? I mean you're supposed to do it"...why won't carmy just sort himself out? why wont he just call claire/be with claire since Syd thinks that's what he wants & she acts in front of him like "it's not her place to be [beside him on a personal level]" almost direct quote from her in 3x09. She's probabaly confused why Carm just wont be with Claire. From Syd's perspective he changed his mind about her and chose Claire in S2, so the next logical step is he'd be with Claire. "This is fine. This is good. This makes sense."...carmy saying claire is peace & also probably how she'll react out loud if carmy/claire get back together. "This is f*cking… F*ck. F*ck. [pants] [muttering] F*ck. [growls] fcking--"...this is how she really feels about the whole Claire situation & Carmy just ditching her & "changing shit" (that came up a lot this season), which ultimately led to him not treating her like a partner in their professional relationship. "Where are the fcking Faks? F*ck!"...a direct lead in to Carmy's scene in the exact same place 2 episodes later.

Sydney's dialogue in 3x07 scene also reads like a run-on of Carmy's dialogue in 3x05, continuing his thoughts trying to convince himself of what he should do with Claire but he's panicking so he calls for the Fak's, his imaginary friends/inner voices, who are there with him the next time we see him in that spot. From the dialogue it makes sense but idk if we've ever seen the show do that with Syd before so idk. Sydney is clearly definied as her own character but she is definied as a mirror of Carmy too so it's a possibility.

Of course this is all interpretation, some or none of this could be directly about Claire but idk. The location (esp if it's in the same place he had the 2x09 panic attack), all the "coincidental" dialogue, the way all these scenes tie together...and with the panic attack scene and the opposing realizations Carmy comes to about Syd & Claire in 2x09 & 3x09. It wasn't a "realization" about Claire in 3x09, he didn't even look like he believed what he was saying tbh. It looked like he just made it up on the spot.

It's also interesting that these scenes by the dumpsters are the quivalent of S1 & 2's walk in scenes where both Syd & Carmy go for a moment of peace to clear their thoughts and "cool off". We don't see those this season but we do get these which is more like them sorting out all the chaotic thoughts & feelings inside them, separating the "trash" from the good stuff, "the bad from the good" like Carmy said he wanted/needed to do to achieve his legacy in 3x07.

In the Faks scene listen to all the "we" and "us" talk;

"If we did it when it was scheduled. We do though. We do it, Carm. All we do is break down boxes. We break 'em down and we have to do it again. Who would wanna haunt us? Who's pissed at us? Sammy's pissed at us."

Until Claire is mentioned (a sobering thought for Carmy) and it's suddenly "Not us. Just you. Not us." Reality hit for a moment and the imaginary friends want to separate themselves from him because they're not "real" & they didn't upset Claire so she can't be mad at them. I think Carmy is the only "real" one in this scene. The Faks are the imaginary friends/inner voices that seem like they're helping the main character but they're really just causing more chaos and leading him down the wrong path because they're misunderstanding what he wants based on what he's forcing himself to think about; Claire. (I lowkey think Carmy's forcing memories of Claire to stop himself from thinking about Sydney.)

The transition of Carmy talking to himself with The Fak's representing two parts of his mind aka "two minds" going straight into Syd talking to herself & voicing out loud what she'd say to both Shapiro and Carmy like she's having a mental conversation with two different people and that she's in "two minds". "I wanted to start off by saying I'm grateful" sounds formal and directed at Adam Shapiro. "Ok so I wanted to talk to you..." sounds more personal and directed at Carmy. It's a similar concept of being in two minds used in a slightly different context but in this show and the writing specifically, context is all over the place anyway.

Also the transition into the Syd scene is to drive home the point that Carmy was just having a conversation with himself, trying to convince himself that Claire is peace, she's "good" etc. For this scene (and possibly this scene only) Theodore is the stubborn part of Carmy that doesn't like to be pushed around who thinks stuff like "Yeah but I'd see his ass" about Sammy Fak. And you know there's a part of Carmy that would have that attitude but the conscious part of him is smarter than that. Neil is the more sweet, anxious side of Carmy that is kind of "away with the fairies" a little bit, in his own head a lot. Carmy is the regular, conscious, "real" Carmy trying to figure out the mental mess he's in.

I think transitioning into that Syd scene was also to callback to the only other times Syd or Carmy spoke aloud to themselves. I might be forgetting something but I think all these scenes are the only times we see either of them have full conversations with themselves out loud in S3..? Someone let me know if that's wrong please.

Side note- From one perscpective: Carmy's reaction to Theodore calling Claire "a piece of ass" was so...unaffected??! Could you imagine if someone said that about Syd?? He bit Richie's head off for calling her "sweetheart" in 1x01 and physically put himself between them so I can't imagine he'd take it that lightly if it was about Syd...From another perpective, if this scene is all about Carmy's inner thoughts, is he asking himself if that's how he sees Claire? I don't think he does intentionally but it's a valid question considering the show seems to use physical intimacy as a substitute for any real connection between them. If Claire & Carmy never kissed or had sex, would anyone see that relationship as a romance?? I really don't think so tbh, the physical initmacy is the only thing about their scenes that confirms it's supposed to be seen as a romance. Meanwhile SydCarmy are drowning in real connection before any physical intimacy.

Anyone please feel free to jump in and add your thoughts, I'd love to know your perspectives on seeing all these scenes together @thoughtfulchaos773 @sydcarmyfan @yannaryartside @currymanganese @vacationship @afrofairysblog @greekyogurttragedy @tvfantic87 @moodyeucalyptus @gingergofastboatsmojito @ambeauty @whenmemorydies @brokenwinebox and anyone else who wants to jump in is welcome to.

#sydcarmy #sydcarmy meta #sydney adamu #carmen berzatto #neil fak #theodore fak #the bear meta #the bear fx #carmy x sydney #anti claire bear #the bear season 3 #carmy berzatto

109 notes · View notes