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grewlikefancyflowers · 4 years ago

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JC’s deeply rooted resentment of WWX, JFM’s parenting, and the inevitability of the falling out of the ‘Yunmeng bros’.

In discussion of the breakdown of JC and WWX’s relationship, their falling out is often regarded as a mutual failing on both sides to properly communicate and maintain their relationship. I’m making the case here that their falling out was a foregone conclusion from the start, and in no part due to the actions of Wei Wuxian.

This is because YZY has instilled in JC the idea that JFM dislikes him, something he believes before WWX arrives in Lotus Pier, JC already feels inferior, thus as soon as potential competition for JFM’s attention comes along in the form of WWX, JC resents him, believes JFM prefers him, and looks for reasons to justify this.

Summarising their very first interactions - from chapter 71 - WWX arrives at LP, sees JC with his puppies and is so terrified that he refuses to come down from JFM’s arms the entire day. The second day, JFM gives JC’s puppies away.

Now, I would like to think that no one seriously believes that this is an act of favouritism, but I have seen this case being made so I just want to make clear that WWX is obviously traumatised by his previous interactions with dogs. After trying for a whole day to comfort WWX, with no success, JFM does not exactly have any other choice than to give the puppies away, WWX cannot be expected to live in constant terror in the place that is supposed to be his home.

Consequently, ‘This angered Jiang Cheng so much that he threw a big tantrum. No matter how much Jiang FengMian comforted him gently, telling him that they should ‘be good friends’, he refused to talk to Wei WuXian.’

JC’s reaction is fairly understandable for an 8 year old. JFM comforts JC, and does not treat him callously or dismiss him, however it takes several days until JC will even talk to WWX.

When JC does start to warm up to him, JFM thinks it’d be a good idea for them to have a sleepover, JC is on the ‘verge of agreeing’ to this, which JFM is overjoyed by - so much so that he picks WWX up.

This is not an example of favouritism, JFM doesn't repeatedly give affection to WWX and not JC, he holds him twice - the first instance being purely because WWX was too terrified to leave his arms, the second being this one. These are the only two times where JFM is described as being affectionate towards WWX, JC is still in the lead on this count. But JC interprets this as JFM preferring WWX.

This results in the JC shutting WWX out at night.

At that time, Wei WuXian didn’t know what Jiang Cheng was mad about at all. After a pause, he replied, “I didn’t steal anything. It’s Uncle Jiang who told me to sleep with you.”

Hearing that he was still bringing up his father, almost as if he was purposely showing off, Jiang Cheng’s eyes reddened as he yelled, “Go away! If I see you again, I’ll call a bunch of dogs to bite you!”

This is the important part - JC sees WWX in the worst possible light, and rarely thinks of WWX as a person outside of how he directly impacts JC - he concludes that WWX is purposefully antagonising him, this is a trend that continues well into adulthood.

Then, when WWX flees LP after JC threatens him with dogs, JYL tells JC to find people to help search for him. However,

‘If any other disciple or servant learned about this and told Jiang FengMian, after Jiang FengMian knew how he threw Wei WuXian’s sheets out and made him hurt his leg, Jiang FengMian would definitely dislike him even more. This was also why he only dared chase after them alone and didn’t get anyone else.’

JC has obviously behaved wrongly here, and JFM would be right to scold him for it, but JC interprets this as JFM disliking him. We haven’t seen anything to suggest that JFM actually dislikes JC, he always treats him quite gently, actually. But JC is already at the conclusion that JFM dislikes him, and twists events to suit this - if his dad scolds him for misbehaving, it’s because he dislikes him. This pattern repeats after the Xuanwu Cave arc too.

This is because Madam Yu has ingrained into him the idea that JFM dislikes him, because he’s her son. This has nothing to do with WWX - because both her and JC already believe that JFM dislikes JC prior to WWX’s arrival - she only sees him as additional fuel to use.

The only other person who mentions JFM supposedly treating WWX better than JC is JZX. I’m sure it's a coincidence that he’s the son of YZY’s best friend.

‘“Doesn’t he treat you better than treating his own child or something?”’

Note the ‘or something’, - JZX doesn’t seem to know this with certainty - he’s repeating what others have said, despite having visited Lotus Pier several times (as stated in ch.69), JZX hasn’t seen evidence for himself that JFM prefers WWX.

‘“Maybe I should’ve let you hit him, while I stand aside and watch. This way, Uncle Jiang might not need to come. Oh well, I really couldn’t hold back!”’

We know that WWX doesn’t see JFM as favouring him - so what does he mean by this? Well, LQR has had it out for WWX from the moment they met, and has already sent a letter to JFM complaining of his behaviour - at this point WWX doesn’t know that this results in them breaking the JZX/JYL engagement either, so he’s probably purely thinking that LQR summoned JFM to CR to discuss WWX’s repeated offenses. JC hasn’t done anything to invoke LQR’s ire (or rather, he’s gotten away with everything he has done), so WWX thinks that if JC fought JZX, it would not have been treated so seriously, compared to WWX, who has repeatedly misbehaved.

Contrary to fanon interpretation, WWX is not oblivious to other people’s feelings, he’s very empathetic, and additionally understands JC very well. He doesn’t see how JC is feeling here, because JC’s feelings are just so illogical...

‘Although it was only Wei WuXian’s casual words, he held mixed feelings, because he knew that this wasn’t a lie.

Jiang FengMian had never hurried to another sect in one day for anything related to him, no matter if the issue was good or bad, large or small.

Never.’

Once again, JC’s at the conclusion that JFM dislikes him, he twists events to support this. He’s looking at this scenario very strangely - JFM didn’t rush to CR because he likes WWX, he was called there by LQR, to discuss JYL’s engagement with JZX. Secondly, we’re never given any examples of scenarios where JC does anything to warrant JFM rushing over. As far as we know, they never even stay with other sects. Knowing JC’s personality, his dislike of doing anything to rock the boat, it’s extremely unlikely that he’s ever done anything to warrant JFM rushing over like this. Moreover, it’s a bizarre thing to be jealous of, WWX is in trouble, he’s not on the receiving end of positive attention from JFM.

JC’s flawed reasoning is once again illustrated after the Xuanwu Cave arc...

‘Jiang Cheng’s expression was complicated after he had finished listening.’

This is Jiang Cheng’s reaction after WWX credits LWJ with killing the tortoise of slaughter - this is before JFM congratulates him. Before JFM says anything, JC is purely resentful about WWX having done something heroic, more so, resentful that WWX is willingly to let LWJ take most of the credit - he’s annoyed about this, most likely feeling that WWX is rubbing in his face that he doesn’t need the recognition that JC so desperately craves.

‘Jiang FengMian nodded and said, “You did well.”

Killing a giant 400-year-old beast at only 17 was way beyond what one would call ‘doing well.’’

JFM knows about JC’s… issues, he knows how he’ll react to WWX’s receiving recognition, he likely purposefully downplays his praise to avoid upsetting him. (Who’s really being favouritised? Lol)

But, even to this, JC reacts badly, he lashes out at WWX, once more interpreting him in the worst possible way.

‘Jiang Cheng hissed, “Too fucking bad, then. You shouldn’t have been so damn stubborn and you shouldn’t have cared so damn much about such a trivial thing. If you’d never moved in the first place –”’

JC’s response is to basically tell him the entire incident was his fault. Which is objectively not true - WWX only gets involved in the conflict after it has already started, and then he acts deliberately to try to end it, rather than impulsively fighting. He also starts to say that WWX should have left their allies - LWJ and JZX - to die. This is where JFM cuts him off, and tells him it’s not appropriate to say such things - he’s not scolding him harshly, JC is not being unfairly treated here, he’s done wrong, and JFM is trying to teach him why, you know, parenting. But JC, and YZY, take this to mean JFM dislikes JC.

JFM tries to teach JC about the Jiang sect’s motto once more - this is of course, not just about the motto, but about the values that JFM wants to instill in him, as a parent.

This is where Madam Yu arrives.

“Yes, he doesn’t understand, but what does it matter, as long as Wei Ying understands?!”

Of course, what she says is nonsensical, it does matter to JFM that JC understands the motto, that’s why he’s trying to teach him. If he did not care, he would have given in already.

This is further supported...

‘Jiang Cheng’s appearance and temperament all resembled his mother’s. Jiang FengMian guided him from childhood, but no matter how much he tried, he still couldn’t change his son’s nature. As such, it always seemed like he disliked his son.’

JFM has never been dismissive of JC just because he’s YZY’s son, he’s always tried to teach him, but JC always had his mother’s nature - YZY’s nature being harsh, standoffish, foul tempered, with no care for others - Note that is says it ‘seems’ like he dislikes his son, solely because he’s trying to teach him to be a better person. He has good reason for doing so - as a kid, JC never had friends, he doesn’t seem to as an adult either, he only has Jin Ling, whom he pushes away with his foul temper. JFM was just trying to raise JC to being an even-tempered person, capable of functioning in society, which is kind of what parents are supposed to do. But once more, this is taken as dislike.

Note that during JC’s outburst, every single thing JC claims about what JFM thinks of him, he’s parroting what YZY has said, none of these points have any actual evidence.

The next point to consider is how JC blames WWX for the fall of LP, despite it objectively not being his fault - JC knows this too.

‘In his heart, Jiang Cheng knew clearly that back in the cave of the Xuanwu of Slaughter at Dusk-Creek Mountain, even if Wei WuXian hadn’t saved Lan WangJi, the Wen Sect would have found some reason to come over sooner or later’

Even if WWX’s actions did prompt the Wens to act sooner than they otherwise might have - coming sooner or later would have made no difference at all because YZY outright stated she had no intention of preparing for an attack, even after WWX suggests they should, and JFM was still going to the Wens asking for their swords back - they were still uselessly trying to suck up to the Wens, thinking it would save them.

Despite knowing deep down that WWX was not to blame - he still uses it to fuel his resentment of WWX, because the resentment was there from the beginning, the only uncertainty is the means he uses to justify it.

During the ancestral hall confrontation - he uses this excuse again.

‘Jiang Cheng responded contemptuously, “You really are forgetful. What’s called a shameful person? Let me remind you. Just because you decided to be a hero and save this Second Young Master Lan, the entire Lotus Pier including my father and mother was buried. If this wasn’t enough, after the first time, you still want a second time, even wanting to save Wen-dogs and implicating my sister and her husband, how noble of you. Even nobler, you are so magnanimous to bring these two to Lotus Pier. Allowing the Wen-dog to stand at the front of my gates and letting Second Young Master Lan offer joss sticks, purely trying to antagonize me.’

Obviously, WWX did none of these things to antagonise JC, in fact he was going through a complex emotional journey of realising that he has feelings for LWJ, and that LWJ probably has feelings for him too, he doesn’t go to the ancestral shrine to mess around - he’s ‘introducing’ LWJ to JFM, YZY, and JYL, because he’s thinking about marrying him.

The problem is, JC never really sees WWX as a person, WWX has always been more of a concept - someone to compare himself to, the reason his father doesn’t like him, the reason his mother uses to berate him. It doesn’t occur to JC that WWX is a person outside of what he is to JC, and he is therefore incapable of empathising with what WWX might be feeling right now, instead the only possible conclusion is that he’s antagonising JC.

He follows the same line of thinking when WWX defects with the Wens. JC knows what he and WWX owe them, in fact JC owes them, far, far more than what WWX does - it was his parents whose bodies Wen Ning retrieved, and it was him who WN had to rescue from LP. But JC thinks, he can get away with not paying this debt, so why should he? JC is selfish, he doesn’t understand why WWX would want to help others when he doesn’t have to, so JC concludes, this is WWX showing off, ‘playing the hero’.

Because from the moment they met, JC has never tried to know WWX for who he is, whatever WWX does, JC interprets in a negative light - when WWX tries to get LWJ’s attention, (despite it being painstakingly obvious that WWX has a crush on him) JC concludes that WWX is messing around foolishly, without reason (parroting the untrue things YZY says about WWX always seeking trouble). When WWX wants to help people, he’s playing the hero, one upping JC. JC only ever thinks of WWX in relation to himself - when WWX disappears for three months, JC’s immediate complaint is that WWX kept him waiting, that he’s put JC out by making him search for him. You could argue that JC was just worried about WWX, and not able to express it - and on some level that’s true. But there’s a very intentional contrast between how LWJ and JC react to WWX’s return - LWJ is worried about WWX, about how his cultivation method is affecting him, moreover, WWX is very clearly not himself. JC, however, does not care for that - he only sees WWX, and modao, as a tool for killing Wens.

It takes almost nothing for JGS to manipulate JC into turning against WWX in ch.73 - he readily believes every negative thing JGS says about WWX, despite being called out directly for lying by LWJ. JGS talks as if he is a servant who has forgotten his place, unlike JYL, JC does not defend him. He refuses to speak up for him - he claims that no one will - yet LWJ and MianMian did. JC didn’t turn on WWX because it was impossible for him to speak up - he was living proof that WQ and WN did not support the Wen sect in the war, he drops him the moment he can because he’s resented him from the beginning.

Another interesting tidbit about JC just fundamentally not understanding who WWX is as a person, is that he only blames LWJ for the Xuanwu Cave incident - not JZX, despite him behaving no differently to how LWJ does. This is probably because he realises WWX’s fixation on LWJ, and supposes that this is the reason that WWX got involved in the conflict. But of course, WWX would have done something whether it was solely JZX, or just a random person.

Taking all this into account, it seems almost inevitable that WWX and JC would fall out eventually, because JC was, from the start, looking for reasons to dislike WWX, he turns against him at the first opportunity he got. For the ‘Yunmeng bros’ to have a healthy relationship, JC would simply have to fix his entire personality.

JC is unable to see WWX as a person, right up until the very end of the novel - when he recalls how he impulsively put himself at risk in order to save WWX. Finally, for the first time, JC is able to understand why WWX stood up for others in Xuanwu Cave, why he helped the Wens, because JC did the same thing, put himself on the line for WWX, probably the only time JC has ever acted so selflessly. And this is why he lets him go, he lets go of the things he blamed WWX for. For the first time, he is able to empathise with WWX, he understands that WWX was never ‘playing the hero’, seeking praise or recognition, he understands that WWX helps people purely because he feels in the moment that it’s the right thing to do. This is what enables him to finally let go of WWX.

I’m always a bit baffled when people claim mxtx never gave JC a happy ending, because this is his happy ending - him being able to realise that WWX never wronged him - when he finally lets go of this, he can live freely.

#mdzs #jc wank #mdzs meta #jiang cheng

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tamagosandesu · 2 years ago

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SSMonth 2022

Title: gravitational Prompt: highschool Summary: School doesn’t really give him any feelings. It’s like clockwork for him—wake up, eat breakfast, get ready, learn, then the cycle repeats. Though this time around, there was something, or rather, someone who caught his attention. Author’s Notes: another AU, also rushed, and with dialogues!! I’ll probably edit this tomorrow cause I know this has mistakes. Enjoy!!

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For most, first day of school are both exciting, and nerve-wracking. A lot dreads this event because is acts as a reminder that school break is finally over, and that it’s once again time for backpacks and textbooks to be used. Some, likes the return of school—might that be because of the craving for knowledge, or due to the ever-growing want for socializing once again.

But for Sasuke, it’s neither those.

He never really feels anything when back-to-school arrives. It’s almost clockwork for him—wake up, eat breakfast, get ready, learn, then the cycle repeats. And he knows whatever he might comment or feel about it, it’ll never change the fact that he can’t stop it from happening. It’s almost refreshing, in some way, that Sasuke could go somewhere else and get out of their suffocating house. And the benefit, that no one will really question you where you are going since going to school is an obligation that even parents support wholeheartedly.

But then again, Sasuke isn’t really a fan of interacting with people. In fact, he hates it. While learning is interesting for him, ang gaining knowledge is surely a great thing, there’s still the undeniable by-product of going to school, which is the inevitable socialization that he greatly.

So, whatever Sasuke might be thinking about school, the sides are equal. And at the end of the day, he’ll still be graduating.

Though this time around, there was something, or rather, someone who caught his attention. While Sasuke is known to be overly anti-social, and therefor automatically avoids people as much as possible, he’ll admit that there are very seldom times that someone catches his interest. And within that low percentage, there is an even lower chance of him actually engaging in a conversation or in a civilized manner with that person. A lot of that times, it is just eyebrows raised in curiosity and stolen glances from afar towards that person.

But this time around, it’s different. It’s almost gravitational in a way that Sasuke doubts everything happening to him are all merely a coincidence.

When the new transferee was first introduced, Sasuke didn’t even dare to spare a glace at the person’s direction. Because he knows, that at the end of this school year, it’s only a low chance that he’ll actually interact with a person, and that they’ll just drift away to different schools after high school is done.

So, why waste time on memorizing names if he knows he’ll never see those people again?

But somehow, Sasuke’s notion about certain things is high school is gradually being defied by this transfer student.

At first, they were paired up in Math period to try and solve the given examples. It was only a pre-test—according to the professor—just to try and see if any of them remembered something about last year’s Math lessons.

Sasuke silently groans and rolls his eyes at the absurdity of it. He didn’t suck at Math, quite the opposite actually. But despite him excelling, there’s still the underlying fact that squeezing your brain in order to solve complicated problems isn’t completely pleasant to anyone.

But still, Sasuke knows he could do those questions easily, without needing a partner at all.

The new kid sits beside him after realizing that Sasuke won’t adjust. Good thing the new student was considerate and, well, patient enough to put up with him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the girl pull out a notebook and a pen, for solving the equations maybe. The teacher then started to hand-out prints with the questions, one copy for each pair. Meaning, a pair must work together to answer, and their response as a pair will only be counted as one.

Sasuke understands this easily, and starts to answer the questions. The new kid also starts by writing in her notebook, gaze darting from her notes to the test paper from time-to-time. While everyone around them seem to be murmuring under hushed tones, their pair appeared to be minding their own separate business. Though Sasuke doubts this new student actually knows the answer to these questions, because nine times out of ten, students have already forgotten previous lessons over break.

He solves first, then writes his answer in a separate sheet as a reference before transferring it directly to the test paper later on. The new kid seems to be taking this seriously, as Sasuke catches times where she darts out her fingers to count, or mutters something under her breath about formulas.

A few minutes later, the raven was finished. He double-checked his answers and skimmed it quickly, before taking the test paper and started to write only his answers there.

If only Sasuke looked beside him, he would’ve caught the way the girl’s eyebrows furrowed in silent protest.

It didn’t take long for him to finish transferring the answers. Sasuke placed the paper in the middle of he table, front side facing down, and continued to mind his own business by looking out to the window near him. He saw the woman gingerly take the paper and read the answers out of his peripheral vision.

“Um…excuse me,” he heard the girl call out, her voice velvety smooth with a hint of uncertainty.

Sasuke acknowledges her by turning his gaze towards her, only to be momentarily stunned.

Because right there, he got a clear look at her face. Her hair was pink, bubblegum pink that it stood out so obviously, she was wearing baggy clothes, and her eyes were covered with her bangs almost reaching mid-gaze, plus the giant round glasses that she had.

But underneath those thick, black-rimmed glasses were eyes so green that it looked like emeralds. It was so unique that Sasuke takes a closer look if she’s not actually wearing contact lenses, and if her hair is actually natural.

But his moment is cut short when the girl clears her throat. Sasuke blinks, then notices the way her cheeks are adorned with a red hue, embarrassed from the scrutiny of his gaze.

“What is it?” he finally responds, voice almost lost at the utter fascination he’s feeling right now towards this new kid.

“Your answer…it’s wrong…”

His moment of enchantment is momentarily lost when she says those words. And instead, his eyebrows furrow and he feels like an arrow suddenly pierced his heart.

“What are you talking about?” his voice comes out deep, and almost a growl.

The pink-haired girl flinches as she squirms, and her eyes looks away from his penetrating gaze looking anywhere but him. She feels uncertainty and fear all of a sudden, as if a predator suddenly appeared right in front of her.

“I-It’s….in nu-number 26….” she swallows hard, “you used the wrong…s-sign…” the pink-haired girl carefully lifts her eyes to meet his, to prove her point.

Sasuke snatches the paper, as gentle as he could, but still comes out aggressive. He flips it towards number 26, and checks if he did make a mistake.

When the coast is clear and Sasuke can’t find his mistake, he looks at the girl in a questioning way that prompts her to explaining what she is talking about.

Thankfully, the pink-haired student understands this and takes the paper from him, takes her notebook and writes down the equation. Sasuke inches closer to her to see what she’s supposed to say, until there’s only a good amount of distance between them.

“You see here, since you already combined the similar terms, the numbers move from the other side of the equal. And since right here, the 15 from 6x minus 15 moved to the right, it becomes positive,” the girl points with the tip of her pen from one number to the other. “So, instead of 15 minus 5, it actually becomes 15 plus 5.”

She solves the equation all over again, then comes to a different conclusion. Sasuke studies this, and as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, she’s correct.

So, he only nods and hands her the paper, opting he to change the answer.

Maybe, Sasuke thought, she also must be smart.

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The next encounter they had, was much sooner that Sasuke expected.

There was a mandatory field-trip, and everyone was to ride a bus towards their destination. Sasuke dreaded the day the moment he woke up and thought about all the possible ugly scenarios that might happen throughout his day.

When he climbed the bus, the girls practically sat aside to welcome him space, silently begging him to sit beside them.

He almost wants to groan and leave the bus there and there if only allowed.

Naruto, his best friend, and the only hope he has to save him from this predicament, was in another bus due to specifically arranged sitting places. And since that was the rules, Sasuke had no choice but to comply and sit through hours of travel beside a random stranger he only hopes won’t be talkative to the point of unbearable.

Slowly, he walks towards the middle, looking for a decent seat that wasn’t beside a fan-girl hawk waiting to devour him as much as possible. Though, it seems he was lucky today after he spots the pink-haired girl who was in a window seat, headphones on and not prying into anyone’s business at all. And beside her, was a vacant seat.

Having her as a seatmate is far better than those desperate girls right?

Sasuke stands in front of the seat where the pinky is seated and tries to get her attention. When she removes her headphones and looks at him, there’s surprise and wonder in her gaze as if the sight before her was unbelievable.

The raven clears his throat, and asks politely, “do you mind?” and points at the seat next to her.

There were a thousand better ways to ask if he can have the seat, Sasuke knows. But somehow, his brain was short-circuiting right now. Maybe it was due to nerves on end, or because she was smiling so brightly at him that he’s momentarily captivated at how utterly dazzling she looks.

“I don’t mind,” she responds happily, and scoots a little closer to the window to offer him space. Sasuke mutters a silent thanks before taking a seat beside her. After his bottom was comfortably settled into the seat, the girl looks at him and offers him a comforting smile, as if welcoming him warmly, before turning her attention back to the view outside the window and putting her headphones back on.

The movement of her head caused Sasuke to get a whiff of her shampoo, a floral scent that settles into his mind. A scent that’ll surely remind him of her.

The drive was comfortable, and the silence between them was pleasant. She never spoke unless she needed, or when he asked for something. She even offered him food whenever she would open a snack. Of course, Sasuke politely declined and thankfully, she never persisted further.

There was a time in the drive that Sasuke felt the waves of sleep. His eyelids were drooping, until they were too heavy to be kept open. He later surrendered to sleep as he fell into a peaceful slumber. His head, at first, was slumped into the headrest. But due to the constant movement, it moved towards a more comfortable place—which was the pinky’s shoulder.

And by the time they arrived, both Sasuke and her was sound asleep, head resting into each other’s.

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Their encounters with each other grew more frequent, until Sasuke formally introduces her to Naruto as a friend. The three of them now eats lunch together, and he notices that she was more vocal than the first few times they interacted.

Sakura, her name that he learned through whispers around the classroom after having the horrible realization that he doesn’t even know her name. Sakura takes Naruto in as if they were long time friends, laughing ang chatting away happily every time they would see each other.

And somehow, every time Sasuke sees this, there’s an aching feeling, followed by an emptiness inside his chest whenever Sakura beams at Naruto. The raven has only seen that same grin directed towards him once, and that was when they both realized that they actually listen and adore the same band and the same type of music.

While Sasuke can’t exactly put a ring to whatever this odd feeling is, he decides not to ponder on it much further.

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There was a time that Sakura wasn’t present at school, due to a sudden illness she caught. And somehow, that day was gloomier than ever for Sasuke without seeing Sakura’s bright mop of pink and emerald orbs greeting him.

At lunch, it was only him and Naruto. They ate lunch like how they would normally do, even before Sakura joined in their tandem.

But in the air, they both knew and felt that something was missing, especially to Sasuke. Not seeing those bright smiles and feminine laugh stirred something inside of him. It felt like his day wouldn’t be complete whatever he does, if he doesn’t get to see her. Maybe it was just the fact that Sakura brightens up even the mood, and that her laugh fills up the awkward silence, or maybe because he actually longs for her.

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He likes her, Sasuke realizes this one day after feeling a pang of jealousy after seeing her giving the same smiles towards a different man aside from him and Naruto.

It took a while for him to come to this conclusion. He even denies it at first, reasoning that he’s just looking out as a friend and that he does not have romantic feelings brewing for the pink-haired girl. But Sasuke knows what jealousy feels like—knows it very well. And after an advice begrudgingly sought from Naruto, he accepted the fact that he may have developed a romantic sense of fondness towards the young lady.

He even got a pat on the back from Naruto, crying dramatically and exclaiming Sasuke ‘finally grew-up’, to which the raven only rolled his eyes on.

But afterwards, they had a serious talk about what will Sasuke do to these feelings he has. Naruto asked him if he’ll confess, or if he’ll only see her as a friend.

And somehow, Sasuke didn’t even hesitate when he said he’ll definitely confess, at the perfect time.

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It seems that the perfect time arrived sooner that he expected.

It was after finals week that Sasuke suddenly found it right to confess. Or maybe, it was just the spur of the moment.

Naruto asked the both of them out to eat, as a little treat after surviving finals. Sakura agreed, and Sasuke being the lover boy, also followed along.

They mostly ate street foods, instead of a real meal. Usually Sasuke would disagree at this saying that it’s ‘unbalanced’ and certainly unhealthy. But this time around, now that Sakura is with them, (he won’t even deny the fact that it was Sakura who changed that notion), he doesn’t find it in him to complain. Not when she’s all smiles and sweetness towards him. Not when she beams and seems to be genuinely enjoying this thing they are doing.

Though the moment is broken when a man approached Sakura and shamelessly asked for her number. The pink-haired girl was stunned beyond her wits, speechless. Naruto had to step-up and practically shoo away the man.

And it seems, after that incident, Sasuke noticed the wide amount of predators looking at Sakura like she’s a piece of prize they could all claim. Suddenly, overprotectiveness overcame Sasuke as he threw glares at those men’s direction while still looking out for Sakura.

And because of that, he doesn’t notice the way Sakura looks at him and notices everything.

They both had a moment alone for themselves after their little impromptu trip. Naruto said his goodbyes first and went home, while Sasuke offered to walk Sakura to the station.

While walking, Sakura can’t help but look at the handsome young man beside him.

Why was he acting that way? Why was he suddenly overprotective towards her?

If Sasuke thinks Sakura didn’t notice the way he was acting earlier, then he’s surely dumb to think of that.

The pink-haired woman stops in her tracks and looks down. Sasuke’s confused on why she’s done that, but also halted nevertheless.

“Is something wrong?” Sasuke asked with genuine concern.

“Why were you doing that, earlier Sasuke-kun?”

Sasuke-kun, he always loves it when she calls him that. Somehow, during the times Sakura and Sasuke were together, she slowly developed a nickname for him. And that was Sasuke-kun, which she giggled at when Sasuke blushed upon being called like that.

“What do you mean?” he asks back.

“Those guys earlier, why were you glaring at them?”

He was taken aback by her question. So she noticed him.

“It was nothing. They were ogling at you.”

“And does that make you feel angry?” she asks that Sasuke’s eyes widen for a moment and he’s suddenly too stunned to speak.

“Angry? What do you mean?”

“When those men look at me like that,” she starts, “does that make you fell…angry? or perhaps…jealous?” her voice grew quieter at the end, and she says this with so much hesitation.

Sasuke doesn’t answer. He felt uncertain to confess there and there about the true feeling that were present earlier. He didn’t want to change what they have by ruining it with his affection, nor does he want to make her uncomfortable. Yes, he knows he said he’ll definitely confess to her. But when it comes to actual happenings, words are put into shame on how terribly harder it is to do than to say it.

But it seems today, Sakura is willing to risk it all.

“You know…” she starts, gingerly, “I really, really like you Sasuke-kun.”

He’s stunned by this and his eyes grows wide as saucers. Did she just…?

“Not as a friend, but as a man. I’m attracted to you, as how a girl is attracted to a boy. I like you, Sasuke-kun. Romantically.”

A million thought ran inside his head at that second, seemingly unable to process the information. He knows that this is the time, and this is the thing he has been waiting for, he has been wanting.

So what he does, is he sighs, ruffles his unruly hair, and steps in front of her.

Sakura backs away a little, the remains of her confession still raw and etched into her mind at the very moment.

Sasuke only smiles, with teeth, and leans closer to say jokingly, “Really? Do you now?” before cupping her face, caressing her cheek tenderly, and leaning closer to connect their lips together.

So, erase that. Maybe it was Sakura who actually confessed first. But nevertheless, he got her.

#fanfiction #anime fanfic #naruto #naruto fanfiction #Sakura Haruno #Sasuke Uchiha #sasusaku #sasusaku fanfiction #sasusaku month #ssmonth2022 #day4

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thishintoflove · 4 years ago

Text

“Illicit Affairs” - A Triple Frontier Fanfic

TSwift Songfic Week Day 1

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morales x F!Reader

Warnings: 18 + Explicit (Language, Cheating, P/V sex, Unprotected sex), 2.5k words of angst and smut

A/N: I love Frankie so much (I have a soft spot for soft boys) but he feels like a troubled soul to me. He’s a good guy who makes bad choices, you know? I just really feel like he’d fit this song.

Summary: You and Frankie have had a "friends with benefits" relationship for years now, but it's growing increasingly complicated.

Take the road less traveled by

Tell yourself you can always stop

You never thought you’d be that person. The kind of person who sleeps with another woman’s partner.

Your adolescence was full of danger and adventure and you think it twisted something inside of you. It must have broken something in your mind and soul, leaving you unable to be satisfied with a quiet life. You expect that all the boys in your circle feel the same way-- fucked up from their time in the army and overseas. Unable to be content with simple, safe pleasures. When you fuck Frankie, you feel the heat that you crave that no other partner seems able to deliver.

Every time, you tell yourself it’s the last time. Every time, you know you’re lying.

A part of you longs for the days when you could hang out with the boys without ending the night with a knot of guilt in your stomach. But as soon as Frankie sends you that look from across the pool table, you know you’re going to end up in bed together again.

He has you up against the door of your apartment now. You’re both tipsy yet not nearly drunk enough to not feel any guilt about what you’re doing. But all Frankie has to do is suck on that spot just below your ear and your mind immediately blanks. You moan and grind your hips against him.

“Damn I missed you,” Frankie mumbles against your neck. It couldn’t be more than two weeks since you’d seen him last, but hearing him admit it still makes your heart tighten.

“I’m always around, Fish” you say, letting the implication linger between you.

He pulls back for a moment to look at you. His lips are already kiss-swollen and his chocolate brown eyes are nearly black. He’s so beautiful it’s almost unfair. You want to immediately kiss him again, but you seize the moment to try and have an actual conversation.

“Are you sure you can keep doing this?”

You run a finger along his stubbled jaw, gently scratching the small bare patch with your nail. His eyes fall closed at the sensation and you cup his face gently in your hand.

“Frankie,” you whisper again, afraid of his answer. His eyes open and he pulls back just a little.

“Damn kid, don’t go and get all virtuous on me now,” he replies, trying to keep his tone joking and light but you can tell there’s uncertainty lingering underneath.

He kisses you again just to end the conversation. You let him.

He pulls you over to your couch, only breaking the kiss to fall backwards. He stares up at you with the sweetest puppy dog eyes you’ve ever seen.

You step forward and grasp the sides of your denim skirt, inching it up until the hem reaches your upper-thigh. Frankie’s eyes never leave your face but you know that he’s taking in every motion. You lift your skirt enough to spread your legs wide and straddle him on the couch. The leather is cold against your skin and his thighs are hot between your legs.

His hands slide down your sides until he’s grabbing your waist while your hands begin to unbutton the top buttons of his flannel shirt. Soon you're throwing the shirt behind you, followed by the t-shirt he was wearing underneath. Suddenly Frankie grabs your chin and kisses you hard, your mouths pressed together so tightly that you can’t breath. He slides his tongue over yours and licks the roof of your mouth, and you respond by sinking your teeth into his bottom lip and pulling hard. Hard enough that you feel his heartbeat speed up under your hand that’s resting on his chest.

This is wrong and you know it.

And that's the thing about illicit affairs

And clandestine meetings and longing stares

It's born from just one single glance

But it dies, and it dies, and it dies

A million little times

You and Frankie had a friends-with-benefits relationship that was going on ten years now. You were practically kids when it started, and now you continued to fall into old habits. Even when other partners were involved.

Both of you pretend that what you’re doing together is just another strange but comforting facet of your friendship. But you know it means more-- you’d never consider doing this with Pope or Will.

Your shirt quickly joins Frankie’s on the floor. He hums as his large hands explore the exposed flesh before him, eliciting the moans he longs to hear instead of words. His lips and tongue drag along your neck, leaving as many marks as he wants. You know better than to leave the same marks on his neck. You let him brand you even as your heart screams that he isn’t yours.

It's always the same. He’d start seeing someone new and last six months before he started giving you that look again. The one that said he needed you. Each time you got together, you told yourself it would be the last time. You always rehearsed your ultimatum in your head: he needed to decide what he really wanted-- he could commit to you or no more sex. You were tired of the friends-with-benefits relationship. You were too old for this. And you loved him too much. You couldn’t keep waiting at his beck and call, hoping he’d choose you while the rest of your life passed you by.

You’d been close to finally giving him that ultimatum when he’d started dating Katie. She was the only girl to have kept his attention this long. At first it felt like every other time: they were hot and heavy, things got serious and he got scared, he came to you, and you knew it was only a matter of time before Katie was gone like all the others. He told you he was having second thoughts. He wasn’t sure that she was the one. They might break up, and it seemed like you and he were closer than ever to finally getting together.

And then he had to go and knock her up. It changed everything-- they stayed together and promised to be partners. Now they were engaged with a ten month old son.

Someone else had his beautiful baby and was gently encouraging him to follow the path of loving father and husband. He was capable, your whole friend group knew it, and it warmed everyone's hearts to watch him interact with his little boy. He was scared at first, but he flourished in his new role, carefully cradling his son and showing him off when he was old enough.

And through all of this, you were still alone.

But Frankie still comes to you at night. The presence of a new family hasn’t stopped him, but it's not as frequent as it used to be. You hate that you feel jealous when you know you have no right too. You hate that someone else may know him as well as you do now.

Frankie who is sweetness and laughter and passion. Frankie who knows exactly what you need. Frankie who makes your body sing with pleasure and ache with need in the same all consuming instant. No one else exists when you’re together. You can pretend that what you’re doing isn’t wrong.

Take the words for what they are

A dwindling, mercurial high

A drug that only worked

The first few hundred times

He settles his hands on your waist again. His fingers move against the small of your back and his thumbs rub over the arch of your hips. You rise on your knees to press close and his head nestles into the space between your breasts. He kisses the inner curve of each tit and you thread your fingers through his hair, clutching at the back of his skull. Frankie’s hair is soft and fine beneath your palm and you want to card your fingers through it forever.

Every action feels inevitable, as if you and Frankie are being swept along in a tide you can’t stop instead of actively making poor choices.

You continue to rock against him as Frankie slips a hand down and brushes aside your panties. One large finger slips inside and you moan, uncaring of how loud or waton it sounds.

“Already wet for me, baby?” he says, his tone implying a statement rather than a question.

You ignore him and lift yourself up a little to start fumbling with his belt and jeans. Frankie chuckles and adds another finger, steadily pumping in and out of you as you unzip his pants and tug them down enough to finally reach his erection. You wrap your fingers around his cock to pump the length of it, your thumb sliding over the tip and circling the thick ridge. Frankie inhales with a hiss as his cock throbs in your grasp.

You tug at him, unwilling to wait anymore. You’ve waited for weeks since your last night together, and that is far too long. Tossing your head back, you growl "Frankie. Now."

He shifts and his cock rubs against your slick folds. You lift your hips as he guides his cock into your body. You suck your lips between your teeth, holding back a moan as he slowly sinks all the way in. He bends his head to your throat, mouthing your pulse point in a vain effort at stifling a groan of his own.

“Fuuuuck, baby” he mutters, trying to catch his breath as he revels in the sensation of your tight heat all around him.

Why does it always have to feel so good? Why is it never this good with anyone else?

And you wanna scream

Don't call me kid

Don't call me baby

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me

Frankie wraps one arm around your back and grips your hip with his other hand as he lets you adjust. Then he slowly pulls out of you, sliding out to the very tip, until your cunt is clenching as if you can pull him back in. You throb around nothing as he holds your hips at the very edge of his cock. He smiles and lifts his brows, and it’s unfair how cute he looks when he’s torturing you like this.

You brace your hands on the top of the couch, barely in time before Frankie slams back into you. You let out a strangled cry, then all you can do is groan as he fucks you. You dig your nails into his shoulders in punishment, but it only spurs him on. He drives into you, hard and fast, and you squeeze his hips between your thighs to force him deeper. You wrap your arms around him, sliding your hands up his back, hot and dappled with sweat already. His hair sticks to his forehead in curls and you push it back for him, then cup his cheek. For just a moment, Frankie pauses, tipping his head into your hand. He closes his eyes and for that one heartbeat he looks so content that you can't breathe. You want to draw him into your arms and sleep, wrapped in warmth and satisfaction and lo--

No. You shudder and jerk your hand from his face. Your sharp nails sink into his shoulder instead and his eyes snap open. They burn into you. You feel passion when you look into his deep brown eyes like this. It's a passion born from what he represents. Dangerous, destructive desires, as heated as a roaring volcano. He grinds against you and finds his rhythm again, thrusting hard. You drop one hand between your bodies, finding just enough space to rub your clit, and you match your circles to the drive of Frankie’s cock.

“You’re so good, babe. Always so good,” he grunts, starting to lose his rhythm as he gets closer to the edge.

Your breasts are squished against his chest and your hand is trapped between your bodies as you bounce on his lap. You’re completely at his mercy, but you lift your free hand to grip the hair at the base of his skull.

“That’s right,” you moan, nibbling at the curve of his ear to encourage him, “Keep giving it to me. Harder.”

He groans and bucks against you. His body slaps against yours, wet and sticky and bruising. Your legs tighten around his hips as your cunt tightens around his cock, and your orgasm finally crashes over you. You seize up-- mouth falling open in a silent gasp as you shudder through the pleasure. Frankie only lasts a few seconds longer. His hips stutter as he comes and his face tenses, mouth dropping open while he follows you over the edge. You can still feel the fire rushing through your blood as you come down from your high. It's what you need, what you crave. It's the heat and desperation and danger you can't seem to find anywhere else. And you know he can’t find it at home either.

You showed me colors you know

I can't see with anyone else

It’s always over too quickly. Your head is resting on his sweaty shoulder as you both try to regain your breath and the ability to move your heavy, satisfied limbs. But Frankie is always the first to rise and get moving. Then again, it is never his bed or his couch so he’s the only one who really has to move.

He gently pushes at your shoulder and slides you to the left, dipping you onto the couch as he stands. He’s silent as he walks to the bathroom, and when he comes back he tosses you a towel to clean up.

He’s slipping his shirt back on when he attempts to say something. “Listen, I-”

“Don’t.” you say, holding up a hand to cut him off, “There’s no point saying anything.”

It doesn’t matter what he says right now. Whether it’s “I’m sorry, this is the last time” or “You know how much I care about you baby, I promise I’m going to leave her”, you know all too well that it’s always a lie.

He doesn’t argue with you, but he looks sad as he finishes dressing. His sweet face is marred with a frown and you want to sooth him but he has someone else who’s perfectly capable of doing that.

You desperately wish you had some semblance of self-control but you don’t. You wish you could quit him like a bad drug, but the trouble with addiction is saying you’re going to quit and actually quitting are two very different things. You tell yourself that it won’t happen again, but then there’s always one last kiss: sweet and soft and perfect. Frankie’s leaning down to kiss you goodbye as you’re sitting half-naked on your couch, and you know it’ll happen again.

Because you know damn well

For you I would ruin myself

A million little times

#frankie catfish morales #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader #my fanfic #fanfiction tag

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silvia7272 · 4 years ago

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Miraculess Ladybug Salt AU: You Always Liked To Play With Fire ~ The Meeting

I have no idea how long I want this to be, but I doubt it will be too long, so maaaaybe 15 chapters? But I’m super glad that this has gotten more attention than I thought it would have.

Might need to point out that I only said there weren’t any Miraculous here, but heroes still exist, but they all hide their identities (from the public because I think it’s stupid for random civilians to know your identity) if they chose to or they only tell families.

This fanfic and its ideas were all made before season 4 came out, so if something doesn’t add up please don’t worry. That information wasn’t available then, and unless it fits into my story or I like it, I won’t include it in my story. Also, that new Miraculous wiki can get lost, I’m not putting any of that new information in here if they couldn’t even put it in the show.

Word Count: 7661

Tags: @vixen-uchiha, if you wish to be tagged all you must do is say. Also, if you change your name please tell me, I don’t want to leave you out since you’ve asked to be tagged. I’m very sorry if I’ve missed anyone.

Well, I hope you’ll enjoy it.

Summary:

(Fire doesn't exactly have anything to do with this story I just really liked the title)

Note: This book contains OOC scenes of Miraculous Ladybug as well as a ton of salt, so if you don't like that stuff you may scroll past and have a nice day.

In a world with no Miraculous, no Hawkmoth and no Ladybug, how does our little heroine do?

Well, it usually would be hanging out with her friends, as any other teenager would do...

But, of course, this wasn't normal.

This was reality. It was cold, hard, and definitely not welcome.

So, when this girl wishes to have some kind of adventure in her boring, mundane life...

How long does it take for her to regret it?

Trigger Warning (If you believe there is absolutely anything in my works that can be classed as triggering please tell me and I will include it after the summery. All off my works are made with a keep reading so you should be able to see if there's anything in the warning before hand.)

Mentions of guns, poison and stitching flesh.

***

Beep… Beep…

Alarms were annoying. Why had someone decided to invent a device that makes you feel guilty for sleeping in? Why not just be a gentle reminder in the form of a lullaby? Or a small caress of a hand brushing some hair, as you simply start to close your eyes, drifting of-

“Marinette you’ll be late for school again!”

She groaned.

So that was why.

Getting dressed she sighed knowing what the day would hold. Glares, being alone, eat, hopefully become nothing but invisible and make sure to go unnoticed before rushing back home.

For the past three years, this is what would happen to her. This same boring, frighteningly normal routine.

And she hated it.

Not just for being alone, or all of the sadness she felt grow each day to a meter she wasn’t sure what level she was on now but whatever. It wasn’t going down any time soon.

No, what she hated the most…

Was the boredom.

Yes, her creativity streak could not be higher, she had been going through her sketchbooks so much she had to work longer hours at her bakery to afford them all, but her love for fashion just wasn’t the same, she didn’t feel any joy producing her work anymore. There wasn’t anyone new to show it with.

She was just alone in her room, mountains of book piles covering every surface.

But she was bored in general. She wouldn’t be able to place the feeling, or even be able to describe what it was. But for whatever reason, she craved for adventure, I mean sure she was safe here, and she didn’t want to worry her Parents with this silly idea of hers. But she just wanted a tiny little taste of some venture.

So why couldn’t she?

“Did you hear?” Marinette heard the whispers, walking up to her classroom door she could hear what they were talking about, over the years she had become silent, become part of the crowd, it was so much easier to eavesdrop, although it was a bad habit of hers, she couldn’t help it.

For example, she heard about Adrien’s relationships.

Now don’t start getting worried, she was 100% over the boy. She would under no circumstances ever fall for someone like him, or even make such a god-like illusion of someone ever again.

But she heard how, the first day Lila came, and their kiss they shared. He really had meant to pull away.

Because he was starting to see Kagami.

But, his feelings became conflicted.

And he didn’t want to hurt Kagami, so he simply never told her.

But then he never told Lila to stop with all of her advances, and Alya had tried numerous times to set them up.

Again, Adrien never said for them to stop, instead went along with it. He never told them he was with Kagami, and Marinette couldn’t help but feel so sorry for the girl.

She learnt from hearing Adrien’s conversation he was her first friend, and she wanted to keep hold of that fact.

Just like her.

Except, the bluenette was able to escape that motion before she was sucked in too far.

She would’ve warned Kagami, don’t get her wrong. But Marinette wouldn’t lie. She was intimidated by the girl.

Every time she saw her, she would glare all the time. It just reminded her of everyone else, and she couldn’t go through with it.

Pathetic she thought bitterly.

But still. If she had confessed to Adrien, and then Lila came. Would he have told her about that kiss?

Well, er- Besides that, she had a knack for hearing other things too, for example, footsteps, she was able to tell who’s were who’s just by the sound. Some were light like Rose’s and Juleka’s. Some were heavy like Ivan’s and Mr Damocles. Some were sneaky like Chloé’s and Lila’s.

And she had to learn to avoid interactions with anyone she knew would make a fuss.

It became easy after a while.

Opening the door, she quickly scanned the class, they were all there, usual spots an all.

Around Lila’s desk.

Oh well.

It would be less likely they would notice her.

She was, fortunately, able to get to her seat without any interruptions.

“A hero is coming to Paris, to help all of the Parisians out. Isn’t that amazing?”

“Really, that’s so cool. I wonder what they’ll be like?”

“Oh, I sure hope he’s strong. Hey, do you think it’ll be Eostrix Or Sparrow?”

“And why exactly do you think it’ll be Eostrix? What about Medusa. Or-” Alya gasps, excitement seeping out of her.

“What if it’s Nebula?!”

“Nu-uh, it’s definitely Eostrix”

“No way Nebula all the way”

“Eostrix”

“Nebula”

“Eostrix!”

“Nebula!”

“EOSTRIX!”

“NEBULA!”

“BATMAN!!” The once quiet Rose belted out, before covering her hands in astonishment.

“Sorry I wanted to join in.” She gave a sheepish smile as Juleka pattered her head.

Marinette breathed a sigh of relief, they would always get loud but today must’ve been special.

She looked out the window. A superhero Ey? Coming to Paris? How exciting. She knew she would never get the chance to meet them in person, what with her not so chaotic schedule. But she would love nothing more than to thank them for all they had done, for even volunteering to come here and help.

If she was brave enough, she would love to bake something for them, as a token of appreciation for their work. Maybe even make an outfit inspired by them-

Wait- that wouldn’t be considered creepy, right?

She tried to work on that, with her attachment issues. But she was trying, with no friends at least, she wasn’t sure if it had worked. No one could see her progress without any other remarks.

“You shouldn’t work yourself up so much, besides there’s going to be an announcement in 2 hours, we’ll just see it at break.” Alix laid back in her seat, Marinette couldn’t tell if she had finally realised the truth but was just drowning it out or just grew bored.

But she hadn’t made any type of engagement with her.

Oh well, I guess she was done with hoping.

But it wouldn’t matter, Mlle Bustier came in clapping her hands to gain the classes attention.

“Now now, please return to your seats, I have a very special announcement to say” Please don’t let it be another pop quiz. It was bad enough when someone would glance her way in general. Not when her test score would be one of the highest.

“As you know, this small, lovely class has been so pleasant these past few years. Our own tight little nest, and I couldn’t be prouder of… All of you” Marinette saw the little glance she made, whatever she thought. It was all lies anyway.

“But, we will have to make another new addition to this class” A laugh was heard.

“Well, I for one hope they’ll be better than the last bunch… Except for you Adrikins” The others glared at her as Adrien looked away, not wanting to get involved.

If there was one thing Marinette could commend Chloé for, it was the fact she saw through Lila’s lies with ease. Having Sabrina by her side did make it easier, but she saw through none the less.

She didn’t care that everyone else believed her little tales, Chloé thought it was funny, and loved the idea of their reactions when they would inevitably freak out and cry.

She just had to be patient.

Plus, there was no way she would feel pity for Marinette. In this world, its use or be used. And like hell she’ll be used. She just had to see for herself.

“Chloé please, that’s no way to make a first impression. Ahem, excuse me, you may come in now!”

“Ok~,” A singsong voice said.

If Marinette had been paying attention, she would’ve noticed the newcomer walk in. She wore a long-sleeved unbuttoned cardigan with a t-shirt underneath and a knee-high length skirt. A scarf was tied around her neck, matching her attire and small petite shoes.

She would’ve noticed the pretty little bows in her hair. The pigtailed braids, all going down to her waist, showing off how long it still was even tied up. Little earrings so small worn, a detail many wouldn’t have noticed.

She would’ve noticed the little introduction she did to the whole class, and how it seems she brightened up the whole room. Or the smile she sent their way, not for one but for all. And how a blond boy blushed from it.

But more importantly, she would’ve noticed, or at least heard her name being called out multiple times.

“Marinette, please pay attention for once, I swear your behaviour has gotten worse” She wanted to shrink, now she made a fool out of herself in front of the new girl.

“I’m very sorry about that, that was very rude of her, I do hope you’ll forgive the situation, the only available seat is at the back” Great, now she will hate her.

“That’s alright, I love sitting at the back, that way, I can see everyone and know they’re ok” Hearts stopped, and smiles grew, she really was just a sweet little child.

The bluenette, however, was dreading it. Now there would be another to hate her. And she seemed so innocent. It was only a matter of time before she would be corrupted as well.

Oh, the horror, she really didn’t deserve it, but Lila would have her way, she always di-

“You’re Marinette, right?” She jumped, forgetting she had just been in her own little world again, staring off into space. She really needed to stop that.

“Err y-yeah, and you are?” She cursed herself for not paying attention, now she may just think she was an ignorant stupid-

“My name is Rosaniline Keyne-Hill, but everyone calls me Rosann, it’s a pleasure to meet you Mari” She giggled as Marinette stared back.

Mari? No one had called her that before. But she liked it.

“Yeah, same”

And it felt like something else.

Maybe… Hope?

…

She shouldn’t be so optimistic.

***

Trying to eat in peace was a nightmare. There weren’t many places where she could go to without being in trouble. The library prohibited any foods due to not wanting any books to be damaged, you weren’t allowed to eat in a classroom without a teacher present, and considering all of the teachers chose to eat in the staff room she wouldn’t be able to sneak into any room. The art club, again didn’t want to damage any works, not after Chloé “accidentally” spilt her drink all over Nathaniel’s sketchbook four years ago. He refused to go to school for a week. And the roof was out of the question, too unsafe and a risk if anything were to happen.

But Marinette, since it’s lunch, couldn’t you go eat at home? Why yes, she could, at least two times a week she would just go back and stay at home to eat, but she felt as if she couldn’t always retreat home just for convenience, besides, Mlle Bustier would sometimes tell her to eat in the cafeteria with the others instead of hiding herself away. If she tried going to her Parents when told to stay, she’d be given warnings that soon turned to detentions.

Even if at times she wished to just sneak away, she couldn’t, she didn’t want her Parents to be called in and get wind of any other situations.

Marinette sighed as she played with her food, boredom crept on her face before she tuned into that hero announcement appearing on Face To Face.

Despite everyone trying to shove it down the school’s throat, she was ever so slightly curious about it. She may not have been able to voice her opinions to anyone in particular but she just wants to see who this mystery hero was.

Her pink earbuds at the ready and plugged in, she waited until Nadja Chamack’s report would come in, eerily, the whole cafeteria was quiet, the suspense was enough to put anyone silent.

Then, the logo came on, the sound resonated throughout the room since it was on the TV but Marinette stuck to her phone, she didn’t want anyone catching her watching it.

“Don’t be bemused, it’s just the news. Now a new rumour has been circulating throughout Paris about a new superhero appearing to protect the civilians. I’m sure you’re all dying to know just how true it is. Well, I can assure you that only the best reporter in Paris would only speak of the truth, considering I have the key to answer all your questions.” Lights appeared behind her, all moving in different directions before centring on a doorway in the centre of the stage.

“I’m confident you’re very excited to find out who our mysterious hero is, so without further ado, let’s see who it is.” People began to hold their breaths, the excitement of who this bigshot would be, Nebula, Eostrix, or someone even bigger, they didn’t know, but you could hear a pin drop in that cafeteria with how silent it was.

From behind the curtain, there were ruffles, smoke emerged to give off a more dramatic flair as the crowds became excited.

*A turquoise and light emerald outfit came into view. Baggy clothing on her arms and legs appeared along with white high boots. Her main outfit seemed to reside a sweetheart neckline dress with a mini skirt, although Marinette noticed it gave the girl some mobility to move around instead of being restricting. She also noticed the slight cold colours centring around her skirt, since she always had a keen eye on different types of design patterns. Light blue overlayers obscured most of the skirts view with golden rims on the bottom.

She had a light blue neck jewel, although she couldn’t see much off it, she’d have to admit. Her mask was a gradient of turquoise to match her dress, her hair was tied up in two twin buns, two red hairpins also there she noticed, but the rest left down, Marinette had to wonder how long it would’ve been all down.

There were a lot of things Marinette noticed, however, one thing everyone could agree on…

Was that they had no idea who she was.

“Salutations everyone, why it’s a pleasure to be here.” Marinette had to admit, she looked… Kinda young to be a superhero. And maybe, just maybe, not what she’d envisioned when she’d heard about a hero coming to Paris. Why, she was making an assumption, and she should really know better than to do that since, y’know, but you couldn’t blame her right?

“WHAT? WHO THE HELL IS THAT?” She heard over the other side of the dining room. Of course, it was Alya, she never could control her voice volume. But she couldn’t tell if the ombre girl was upset over it not being Nebula or supposedly getting hyped up for a hero none of them had ever heard off.

Looking back at the screen, she could tell the news reporters seemed a bit taken back as well, Nadja never was good at concealing her emotions, even on air, maybe they had been promised someone else instead?

“O-Oh, I see. Well, I-’ Her recovery was the same, Nadja always fretted she had to rely on the people up in management to give her a line if she couldn’t think off one herself, she wasn’t very good at improv either.

The heroine smiled before walking down to sit beside Nadja.

“I understand the scepticism, my appearance deters most, but that is just a ploy, however, I’m here to make a promise to all off Paris. My name is Soliane Rin and I’m here to risk my life for everyone in Paris, with or without my mask on. All I ask is to be given a chance.” She bowed to the camera, to all off Paris, and Marinette was able to see her smile, her truthful words as the whole dining room stayed silent at her speech.

Marinette seemed to feel…

Hope?

“Ah- no it wasn’t that, it’s just we were given information you were appointed by both Eostrix and Nebula? How? I mean, how did you meet them, or more importantly how did you get to have this opportunity?” She smiled as Nadja had time to recover from her obvious disappointment.

“Oh that, well I had worked with them on a few cases in New York. I had trained for a few years to be just like that until I was finally able to convince them to train me fully. And well I guess they believed I was ready to protect this jurisdiction by myself over time.” Nadja nodded along, seemingly more at ease as the time passed by, more questions being asked and answered before everyone had noticed how much time had passed.

A beep emitted from the girl’s necklace, in turn making her stand up and bowing or at least curtsying once more.

“I’m sorry for the early interruption, but I must be going now, I have some business to attend too” She threw a peace sign as a puff of smoke surrounded her. When it had passed so had she disappeared. As the crew tried to cover from most of their unscripted events. Nadja headed to commercials.

The long-awaited announcement was over, what would the audience’s reactions be like?

“Really? We get a new hero like her? I’ve never even heard of Soliane Rin. Ugh, we might as well have gotten someone like Doorman” Kim flung his arms up into the air before sitting back into his chair.

Not good apparently.

“I know right, and to think I was excited for this” Alya dramatically fell back into her seat. And she was so looking forward to this news as well.

Marinette would admit to feeling more guilt, she may have… Possibly thought the same, but even still, we’re judging a book by its cover, surely, they all should’ve waited until maybe after she had proved herself.

Wait- making her have to prove herself was too judgemental still, she didn’t mean for it to sound that bad, she just- she was just wrestling with the thoughts in her mind.

Not noticing the annoyed looks from the class, the tiniest blush from a blond, or the tiny smirk residing from a brunette.

With a plan in action, she set to work ravelling a new story that was sure to captivate her ‘friends’. With a tremble of the lip and bowing her head, she waited until at least one person would notice her sudden change of expression.

Luckily, her plan went just as she thought.

“Lila? Are you ok, what’s wrong?” Rose, a sweet and naïve girl mind you, immediately took the bait.

And with that, the others finally took notice of her, a new record she thought, after so long she was used to this routine.

She knew how to work them.

“Oh- it’s nothing important, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to spoil the mood.”

Hook

“Hey c’mon girl, you can tell us. What’s on your mind?” Alya pats her shoulder to comfort the smaller girl.

Line

“Are you sure?” Lila asked again timidly, the other girl nodded, in fact, everyone did, and gave encouraging words to her, they couldn’t see the smirk inside her mind.

And sinker.

She fiddled with a piece off her skirt, a habit she formed when noticing they were always a lot more concerned when she fidgeted, it was a clever trick really. Being able to get anyone wrapped around her finger was a power she loved.

“Well, I just think it’s a bit sad really.”

“What was?” Someone asked, at times she didn’t really care who it was that responded, she just knew what the next response would be, she could always make them say what she wanted without them ever knowing…

Oh, she loved this life.

“It was meant to be a surprise.” She rambled on, waiting for someone to stop her, they had to.

“Lila, what are you talking about?” See, she knew how to play this game a thousand times over.

“Well… I wasn’t really meant to tell anyone. But since all of you are my friends, and I know I could trust you with this, so I guess it's fine to say.”

Everyone around the table leaned in, intrigued by what she had to say. Lila took a deep breath in, bracing herself for the aftereffect of her words she knew would come.

“I knew it would happen, that no one would like her, but I had hoped and prayed that you all would, I guess I should’ve asked for someone higher up” It took a few seconds for those words to tick in the aspiring journalists head, but when they were finally processed, she nearly erupted. It was better to make them think of what she said instead of just outright saying it, decent off her to help their brains.

“Wait- you- you were the one to suggest a hero to come to Paris!? OMG girl that is fantastic” Lila gave a small smile as everyone then shouted the usual praise at her, she nodded along before turning her head down.

“But- you all weren’t happy” They all felt guilty at that, maybe that was why Lila had been quiet the entire time while the news was on. She must’ve been checking for their expressions and yet they hurt her feelings instead.

“Sorry- we must’ve just presumed it was gonna be Eostrix or Nebula, that morning probably messed with our responses” Alya laughed as she draped an arm around Lila.

But the ‘lie’ wouldn’t end there.

“I see, I just thought she would’ve wanted more recognition while being here” Out of nowhere she started crying more, everyone tried to comfort her, but it was no use.

“She’s just such a nice person, and so kind. When I last met her, she was still in training and I promised I would promote her as much as I could” She sniffed as Rose handed her a tissue which she greedily took a hold of.

Before they could exclaim their surprise she immediately jumped right back into her story.

“I knew I should’ve tried harder; I should’ve gotten Nebula or Eostrix. I’m sorry I ruined everyone’s day. I- I should’ve left my big mouth shut. I’m sorry guys” Their guilt immediately intensified.

Lila had done all of that for them, and they had quite easily tossed it aside without realising, how could they? And to one-off their best friends? Despicable, absolutely despicable.

Wait, why did that sound vaguely familiar?

Oh well, Lila was more important.

“Lila no” Alya cooed in a soft voice, feeling mostly responsible, hyping everyone else up and being one of the first ones to dismiss the new hero entirely. She tries to comfort Lila was the least she could do.

“It’s not your fault Lila” Her plan came together.

“Of course, not. We shouldn’t have judged her so quickly” Just like all the others.

“We’re sorry, so sorry Lila.” And she knew how to do it so efficiently.

“We shouldn’t have judged so quickly” Lila’s smirk in her mind grew in size, they were so wrapped around her finger.

As Alya was happily explaining that she would be in fact honoured to create a blog about this new hero- she had forgotten her name, and would quite happily like to interview Lila as well to be able to learn anything else about the hero, a lone figure grew upset.

Lila had just created another lie, she was used to that, but for it to be about the new hero, couldn’t Lila tell just how dangerous that could be? I mean sure, it would be great to actually be able to meet a hero, let alone be friends with one. But to publicly announce that? Was she crazy? Did she want a massive target on her back?

She could only hope no one would buy into that blog, as mean as it was, but she didn’t want them to get physically hurt.

She could only hope that the new hero wouldn’t care about fake news or blatant lies.

She truly could only hope.

As shoes tapped against the floor along the dining room, a new figure turned her head.

She had been walking around her new school, looking around for entrances, exits and just in general any hidden secrets. She had previously asked for a school plan from a teacher, but had been informed that her students would be more than happy to help her instead, and she needn’t need some piece of paper. But that didn’t suit her, so when she wasn’t looking, she may have just acquired one anyway. She was quiet so she wouldn’t have been caught.

Now she was walking through the dining hall, she had wanted to take in the cafeteria, just in case there were any rooms she had missed, until she heard footsteps approaching her.

“Hey Rosaniline, come join us, we haven’t seen you all lunch.” She knew she’d have to concede, having analysed each person in her class, she knew, Alya, would not take no as an answer.

So, she flashed her innocent smile and nodded along, it may prove useful to study them further.

Her arm was grabbed before they walked over to a table full of people, so different from the other tables.

“So, newbie where were you? You totally missed the special hero announcement.” Alix asked her, the others looked over to see her answer, if Rosaniline hadn’t been used to having a crowd around her she believed she would’ve been nervous as hell.

“I had taken the liberty off looking around the school, I’m afraid I can get pretty lost in large places, I only wished to remember the layout beforehand.” She placed her hands together with a bright smile appearing. It was half a lie; she couldn’t exactly state her true reason, now could she?

The ombre haired girl pulled a large smile onto her face. She was just like Adrien, new, polite and a literal ball of sunshine, she thought before sneakily looking over at the blond-haired person who hadn’t said much, most probably due to his shy nature due to his upbringing.

She latched onto Adrien’s arm before practically flinging him towards Rosaniline.

She literally took falling for someone to a whole new level.

“Well looks like the two of you would get along swimmingly” Her new ship was bound to sail, she could see it now, their immediate attraction for each other, the dates and interactions they’ll have before proclaiming their love in the rain, a sentimental scene in which she’ll be gladly recording while hiding behind a tree.

I mean who wouldn’t just map out her new friends love life in a matter of minutes of knowing each other?

But… It may just become a crash course instead. They rubbed their heads simultaneously due to bumping into each other. However, one was ever so slightly overjoyed with being in such close proximity to her while the other would think that prank wasn’t funny in the least.

Before any of the duo could express their annoyance/apologise and maybe a get together sometime, someone of course just had to interrupt the moment.

“Oh, Rosaniline we need to apologise to you” Rosann had expected the apology to come from Alya but it appeared that girl didn’t know that she had done something wrong.

“We’re so sorry that you have to sit next to her” That caught Rosann’s attention, what did they mean by that? They must’ve noticed her confused face as the explained further.

“Oh, you poor thing, you really don’t know do you?” Well, no. That is what she wanted to say, she was new, of course she wouldn’t know, hell she hadn’t even been able to see the whole layout as she had planned to. She was sure there was a hidden basement somewhere, she just needed to locate it.

“That girl, the one you have to sit next to in class. The one with dark blue hair?” They all tried to provide as many details as they could without trying to make it too obvious, but Rosann was able to make out who exactly they were talking about.

She took a sneaky glance towards the person the group had started to talk about. She heard a few words of bullying, mean, lies and stalker before zoning it out, she needed to concentrate.

The girl, in a pink jacket and a grey skirt. Sitting alone on a table that seemed to be mocking her by how big it was. All of the tables were big, possibly to do with teachers wanting students to sit with their friends.

But she wasn’t with anyone, she just absentmindedly played with her food as nothing interesting happened.

Rosann stared, that girl, she hadn’t seen her smile once, or even display any kind of positive emotion. She was just lonely; couldn’t they see that?

That girl needed to be saved!

***

Midnight.

Or at least close to that time she thought.

She didn’t know, she had spent many a night out on her balcony just sketching in her book. One would think it would’ve been too cold but the bluenette didn’t mind, she had been used to it, the wind wasn’t particularly chilly out here, even if it was late September. This was part of her routine anyway. Staying up late was just something she was used to, her sleeping schedule was the worse. But she produced so many fantastic ideas when she was awake at night, it was a sacrifice she was willing to take.

With her earbuds plugged in, she was jolted out of her streak when she heard a different notification pop up, pulling out her phone she looked at what could’ve possibly caused it.

[BREAKING NEWS: New Hero Prevents Bank Robbery On First Day.]

Marinette smiled at that. Her first achievement, in Paris of course, she knew she had done a lot before, she had checked a few articles before, although she did have to rely on google translate on a few instances, but this hadn’t been the only thing she had prevented. There had been house fires to museum robberies to even outright terrorist attacks, and yet she was able to stop them all, she did have some help but from what Marinette could make out the other heroes got there after taking most of the civilians out of the buildings, and from what she could tell, she could’ve easily handled everything herself.

She could see Soliane didn’t need to prove herself to others if she was just given a chance for everyone to see what she could do.

To not be judged based on baseless accusations tossed her way. For people to look through and see the truth!

She didn’t know who that had been aimed at, but she knew she just wanted to get back to her sketching.

But… She couldn’t.

Not now.

Not when she heard a noise behind where she had been sitting!

She quickly dropped her belongings as she jumped up from her chair.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but she knew she had heard something, it wasn’t just her hearing she knows that.

She knew something had happened; something was there. When she stayed put, trying to concentrate more- she heard slight breathing, slow and- hurting!?

She didn’t know who it was, she didn’t know their intentions or they alliance, but, if something was hurt, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she didn’t check it out.

So, she quietly approached the wall, having to stand on the bricks on the side of the wall since she wasn’t tall enough before pushing herself up.

!!!

‘That’s-!’

Even in the night she could see a prominent colour.

Turquoise!

“It- no it can’t be! Soliane Rin!” She whispered more to herself, but even still she couldn’t comprehend how this could have happened.

Noises of pain interrupt her train of thought. She- she was hurt!

Her mind had taken action, and immediately propelled her forward, she couldn’t leave someone out here in the middle of the night hurting, even if she was a hero, she was still human!

She ran towards her, instantly trying to ask if she was ok? Where was she hurt and if she can respond?

But nothing came, no answer, nada. She had to check if she was alright.

She came closer, forgetting about maybe not accidentally startling the young hero.

Her hand was caught midway to the hero, she gasped, her reflexes were still there. Her head was nonetheless limp and her left hand resting on her abdomen.

“W- who ar-” She grunted in pain again. Marinette shot forward to grab her before she could fall back.

“Hey, m-my name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng, you’re on my roof right now. Please let me help you” Through her strength, she opened one eye to look at her. And through her eyes, she could only see one thing.

Sincerity.

“Right- leg… anti” Her breathing grew slower, as if she were falling unconscious, Marinette had no idea if it would’ve been eternal.

But Marinette was able to determine what she had meant. Looking her over, she looked at her leg, her baggy clothes were slightly torn but that didn’t matter now, slipping her hand inside, she hoped Soliane wouldn’t mind her hand being cold, she tried searching for it, for her antidote.

Her fingertips tried reaching out until she felt smooth glass. Wrapping her fingers around and pulling it out she pulled it up for further inspection.

The writing around the glass wasn’t in French unlucky for her, however, there were pictures, she had to quickly conclude this would’ve been used for situations just like this.

The picture appeared to show that it should be drunken not spread on the wound, so she quickly unscrewed the cap. Looking back at the hero she could tell she had indeed turned paler, she wasn’t faring so well, she knew she needed to do it quick.

Tilting her head back so she could pour it down her throat, she could only pray that she wasn’t too late.

One minute.

Two minutes!

Why wasn’t anything happening!?

Marinette had to take a deep breath, maybe it would need some time to take an effect.

In the meantime, maybe she could look her over to see if there were any other injuries. And then maybe go downstairs to collect some supplies. Living as a baker meant she knew her way around burns, scars and scratches, so they were always prepared with a medical box in the kitchen.

Looking at her over appeared to be the right choice in action. Her lower abdomen had been hit, Marinette reasoned with herself that must have been why she had yet taken her handoff.

But as Marinette covered her own mouth with her hand, she was a gasped at how much blood there was.

Now what? She couldn’t tell her Parents, she loved them, she really did, but she knew how loud her Dad would get whenever he got happy, angry, or frightened, she knew it wouldn’t be a smart choice, especially with how jumpy the hero was. Not like she couldn’t blame her.

Then that would mean calling an ambulance might be out of the equation as well, plus the Soliane Rin may not want the publicity of her going to the hospital after only one day of patrolling. She knew if she had gotten cold feet or even hurt like this on her first day heroing they’d be a high chance of her giving up.

Well… She was a seamstress.

She had been doing it for a very long time, so she knew the ins and outs of sewing.

But still… It could be extremely risky, and she’d need to get consent first… But if she didn’t wake up… And she knew how open wounds could be, how dangerous it could be if they didn’t get any treatment, and how much trouble she’d be in if she accidentally killed the hero when trying to help her.

Well…

She had dreamed of some adventure in her life…

And she got her wish.

***

Stitch… Stitch…

Flick-

“Ahh!-”

“So-sorry”

Her prayers off Soliane Rin waking up were answered, after she had collected a few blankets, medical supplies, and a needle & thread, she had come back up.

Only to find Soliane on her balcony, if it wasn’t for her shock, she knew she would’ve screamed out zombie.

How she had the strength to get there she would never know, but she had to guess, heroes have all sorts of endurance.

She quickly sped to catch her. She did reprehend her of course; it was in her caring nature, so she just had to.

But… The way she weakly smiled at her, she couldn’t help feeling guilty, she probably was in so much pain and here she was berating her for- for what exactly.

This was why they had all left her. She was too quick to jump the gun, to jump to conclusions, too fast to even see from anyone else’s perspective.

Which is why she was a perfect target.

She lowered her onto her bed, careful not to hurt her anymore. Setting her down so she would’ve been comfortable, lots of pillows to help as well, she was glad she brought so many in her childhood. Or whenever her Nonna would come, she’d always get a new toy from her travels.

And that was when she set to work, conversing with her about what she may have to do, and as hesitant as Soliane was, she also knew there was no choice.

“Fine, I’ll trust you Marinette” Those words felt like a gift, in any other situation she would have been jumping for joy, getting acknowledged by a hero? That was amazing.

But- she really couldn’t celebrate, the look in Soliane Rin’s eyes, the were… Fearful. She knew she wasn’t trusted, yet. But she would prove it.

Snip, snip.

The room was silent, no words had been muttered or mentioned, Marinette was concentrating on her stitching, just hoping she wouldn’t hurt her anymore. She must have regretted her decision now, of course, she had, anyone with the right of mind would’ve. No wait- she didn’t mean it like that! She just meant-

“It’s not your fault. I- shouldn’t have let my guard down” It became silent again, and this time Marinette had a lot more to think about. There had been one thing that was stuck on her mind and couldn’t leave her mind.

“H-How did it happen?” She saw Soliane grab a nearby pillow even tighter than she had.

She knew she should’ve kept her mouth shut! It wasn’t her place to ask anyway.

Before she could utter any type of apology, she was stopped when she heard her start to speak.

“It was right after one-off my patrol routes. I was surveying the city, just in case, I needed to report anything else. I guess- due to this being my first time alone, as well as having previously prevented some other crimes, I would have to say I wasn’t in the same mindset.” Marinette stayed quiet so she could continue without pressure, she knew from personal experience how frustrating it could be to start talking and get interrupted by someone else, it was always a pet peeve of hers, making her not wanting to finish her story out of pettiness.

“So… When I was too busy with moving around on my wire. I was shot!” Marinette jolted away, she knew something drastic had to have happened, and she had tried to brace herself. But she couldn’t, it sounded so surreal.

“I was careless, it was such a stupid mistake, no novice would’ve been hurt like me” Marinette jumped again, she was so serious, and so… Angry with herself. But, she had just saved a bank from robbers, of course, she could’ve been tired, she was human after all.

“And due to my shock, I wasn’t able to pinpoint who it had been. A poisoned bullet had just barely scared me, and I was still affected by it… Sir would be so disappointed in me.”

The last stitch had been completed. She was done, now she just had to bandage it. She noticed Soliane seemed physically more relaxed.

“I should be going now, I’ve troubled you too much” She was trying to get up, but even the bluenette knew she would still be in pain for a while, just until she would get herself checked out, probably as her civilian self.

“No, you’re still hurt. If you move too early the stitches might come undone” She laid a gentle hand on her, just enough to draw attention to herself.

“But I must, I need to report back, besides, don’t you need to go to sleep?” Yeah but- the words paused in her throat, why could she say anything?

“You’ve already helped me so much, surely you’d prefer me to leave, it would be unbefitting for a hero to be seen so helpless for so long?” She saw it, her face, it was just like her a complete replica, always so helpful, to never think about yourself even when it could be life or death.

…Ok maybe that last part was a bit extreme.

“Hey, don’t try to suggest that, I could never think that! You still need help, just because you’re a hero doesn’t mean you can’t rely on anyone else.”

…Maybe it was her stubborn side, or even her Mother’s. But she couldn’t even think of the hero going out in that condition.

Grabbing her hand, she was adamant about letting Soliane Rin stay. So, she just told her.

Told her that she can’t just go out in that condition.

Told her that she needed to get better, because if she was still hurt, how could she save other people. And how she also needs to look after herself.

Told her that… She shouldn’t have so many expectations of her, because it won’t do her any good, mentality wise… And if the expectations become broken, she’d be unrightfully angry at herself.

Told her that- oh god she was arguing with a hero in her bedroom and she wasn’t saying anything.

She wasn’t saying anything! She’s just standing there looking at her. Never had Marinette wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out?

“I-I’m sorry, I should have never shouted like that, you were just doing your job and here I come saying you need to stop- wait not to stop I meant maybe slow down, although if you wanted to carry on then that’s fine by me. What am I saying you don’t need my permission; you don’t need anyone's! Do you-?” Her hands had been waving in front of her frantically. She just couldn’t imagine all of this would’ve been happening to her, her emotions were spreading out of control. She really needed to compose herself.

Wait, why did she grab her hand?

“I -ahem- it's fine, I’m incredibly humbled by your generosity. You have a big heart, not many have such kindness like you” She brought her hand closer to her mouth, and the blue-haired girls’ heart was pounding more and more.

“I shall stay” She pressed the hand to her mouth, a small feeling off lips against her skin sent shivers down her back while she held her gaze.

“So long as mi Belle stays with me” It took her a moment to compose herself. It took another to realise to she was talking about her… It to yet another to compose herself from that.

“Sou yure- I mean you show- ah, I’m mean. Yes.” Marinette felt as if she couldn’t say no, and yet, she didn’t feel uncomfortable, she felt accommodated. She believed if she had said no, she wouldn’t have felt pressured by the hero to stay.

And she smiled at that.

They both had.

So sincere.

***

The morning had come.

And not a moment too soon.

Light poured through her drawn curtains, and her first reaction was to grab the closest thing to plummet it towards the sun.

Not like that would’ve done anything mind you. It would’ve just been to make her point.

Rising up and stretching her arms, she headed down her steps, it had been a weekend, after all, she was allowed a lie in occasionally.

Although, she felt oddly a lot more refreshed than she had remembered, what had change-

Soliane Rin!?

Her head zoomed around the room, where- where was she?

No one was in the room besides her.

So- was it just a dream? Did she really see just imagine it all?

But she couldn’t have, wouldn’t that have just been too cruel, even for her?

Did the gods really hate her as well?

Wait-

That piece of paper wasn’t there before?

Stepping over to her desk, she gently picks it up, almost afraid she’d rip it up.

As her eyes traced over the first words, her mind relaxed.

‘Dear mi Belle, apologise for “dropping in unannounced” and to cause you such trouble. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine thanks to you, I’ll promise to be more careful next time, sincerely your local hero, Soliane Rin…’

Her heart fluttered in gratitude; those events were real. She really did meet her.

As her hands curled around the letter, she smiled. A true sincere smile.

Because after so long, she felt…

Hope.

***

*I absolutely suck at describing clothes, which is why I much prefer to draw instead, I literally have no idea what some clothes types are called so I always end up having to ask my Mum and even then, she doesn’t know half the time so I may end up not describing much clothing in the future so sorry.

Well, I hope you liked it, I do believe these chapters are gonna end up getting longer and longer. I know a few of them are but hopefully, you won’t mind that. It will just make my progress slow but hey I was always slow so it shouldn’t matter too much right? Anyway, well Marinette has met the hero and classmate, she’s definitely different to my other version. But I do hope you like both versions.

Oh, and I may need help with Jess/Jace. I know that she’s Native American, but I’m unsure if there’s any type of detail I must include for them, for example, I’m aware that they don’t cut their hair for symbolic reasons? I’m not even wholeheartedly sure about that. So, I would like to ask if there’s any information that I’m forgetting/missing and I would love to be informed, aka if I need to include a tribe, any type of clothing that would be appropriate to wear or activities they do. Sorry if it seems stupid, I just want to be informed and try my best to make an accurate representation. You can ask me questions, but I will apologise if I don’t understand them in advance. (Just so you know, I’m changing everyone’s design but I’m definitely changing her earrings, I just keep having images of someone pulling them out ugh, hence why I’ll never draw large earrings that people could grab)

Also, if you’re confused about anything feel free to ask any questions.

Cya next time.

Note: Please tell me if I should add anything else to the card, there will be one of these cards for all 15 chapters, however, because I have uni work all updates will be slower because I really need to focus on the uni stuff, then I might be able to upload quicker. They also may change in the future because I can never stop adding stuff.

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kagetsukai · 4 years ago

Text

OTP ship questions

So... this ship questions list has been making the rounds, and since I’m neck-deep in trying to finish up the story for Sam and Benji, I’ve decided to fill out ALL OF THEM. In one go. I’m extra, sue me.

(under a cut cuz I actually like you people) :P

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

1. How did they first meet?

Sam moved to Wayhaven and into Benji’s apartment complex. They didn’t start talking until Sam was getting mugged while on her run, Benji jumped in to help her, and then she punched him on accident. Benji does like to call it “love at first punch”

2. What was their first impression of each other?

Total heart eyes on both sides. They are both total cuties and they were eyeing each other before they actually started talking. Benji thought Sam was a little withdrawn and grumpy, while Sam thought Benji was really weird for grinning like a maniac all the time.

3. Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

I mean, Tina was the driving force from the very beginning and super invested in those two idiots getting together. Once it was apparent how cute Sam and Benji were together, the entire damn town wanted them to get/stay together. Sam’s cousin Liz was like “please enjoy yourself with the man”. Hell, even Benji’s ex was happy for them!

4. Who felt romantic feelings first?

Benji. The man wears his heart on his sleeve AND is incapable of holding back. He also has more experience with knowing what such emotions feel like so he can recognize them quicker. He’ll also claim that he fell in love with Sam the moment she punched him, so there’s that.

5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Both of them, actually! There’s a time limit on how long Sam will be staying in Wayhaven so both of them knew falling in love was a very bad idea. But they are so well-suited for each other that it was inevitable.

6. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

I think there would be an overwhelming “hell yeah!” on both accounts, because of how strongly they feel for each other. Sam would feel a sense of relief, because she grew up hearing stories of how her sperm donor (aka bio dad) just impregnated her mother and left her behind, so knowing Benji would actually stay and love her would be a happy news. Benji would be ecstatic to know Sam is his soulmate and would probably tell everybody who stopped long enough to be told. Deep down, he’d still doubt himself and the knowledge, because he has a long history of abandonment. Even with regular reminders, he’d still be afraid that Sam would decide one day that there had been a mistake and leave.

7. What would their lives be like if they had never met?

Sam would become a bonafide workaholic with a limited number of friends - to Liz’s constant frustration. If she managed to find someone that she liked well enough, she’d probably settle down with them eventually, but maybe not feel a great passion for them. Just a decent, average life in California.

Benji would have gotten together with Felix and have a happy, fulfilled life with him. He’d probably get turned into a vampire at some point, too.

GENERAL

1. Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

Benji initiated it. Sam rejected the idea of dating at first, but after some cajoling, she agreed to keep going out with him.

2. Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

The first date was very casual and not really an official date - they went for dinner at a crab shack. Their second date was a little more dressy, with a dinner and a movie, and they both put in more effort into everything.

3. What was their first kiss like?

Amazing. Sam got a little tipsy and decided to leave a lipstick print on Benji’s neck as a way of “flirting”. Since the man is a slut for neck kisses, he took that as an invitation to have proper kisses and smooched her senseless right there and then. Sam did NOT complain.

4. Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

Sam had never had sex with a man before Benji (only had experiences with women), so it was a big deal when it happened. Benji made sure to take it slow and gave her a fantastic first-time experience.

5. What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Sam is 5’10 and Benji is 6’3, so there’s about 5 inches of difference between them. There’s about 2.5 years of difference between them in age.

6. What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Sam ends up having a decent relationship with Rebecca, after some time. It’s a little difficult to interact with someone who is barely around, but Sam tries to be nice all the same (since it’s important to Benji). She definitely has a much closer relationship with Benji’s found family, Tina and all the older ladies who appointed themselves Benji’s guardians. They all love Sam dearly and the feeling is mutual.

Benji has a fantastic relationship with Liz and her husband/kids. The kids in particular looooove hanging off Benji and using him like a jungle gym. Benji and Liz have this pact of sorts where they would murder a bitch in order to protect Sam from harm - and be each other’s alibi, too. They did start off on a slightly wrong foot, but it got cleared up quickly. That being said, Benji is not fond of Sam’s extended family - they can be challenging.

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

Benji, always. He’s the resident extrovert and will behave like a shield for when Sam feels overwhelmed with crowds or situations.

8. Who gets jealous easier?

Benji. He rarely acts on the emotion, though. At the beginning of the relationship, he’d just get quiet and in his own head a lot; later on he’d casually bring it to Sam to make sure he has nothing to worry about.

Sam still gets jealous, though it’s not as common. After all, her man is fucking sexy and *of course* women would want to poach him. Gotta stay vigilant.

9. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

They are BOTH culprits of that one. Very often those are VERY explicit things, but mostly it’s just passing comments or even just sexy glances. Those two are *into* each other.

LOVE

1. Who said “I love you” first?

Sam, strangely enough. Having your life flash before your eyes sure makes you more willing to take chances with love ;)

2. What are their primary love languages?

Sam

Give: Acts of service, touch Receive: Quality time, touch

Benji: Give: Quality time, touch Receive: Touch, quality time

3. Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

Benji, hands down. He’s a cheeseball.

4. How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

As often as they can get away with it. They are both touch starved idiots with a variety of abandonment issues, so being glued to each other is a natural state for them.

5. Who initiates kisses?

Benji, more often than not. He craves that physical reassurance from Sam ALL the time.

6. Who’s the big and little spoon?

Benji will want to be the little spoon as often as he can get away with it. He loves being held and having his hair played with, so settling half of his body into Sam’s lap is literally his favorite thing. That being said, when they sleep, he’s usually the big spoon.

7. What are their favorite things to do together?

Hiking and being active. When Benji was recovering from his stint at the hospital after Murphy, Sam would go with him on hikes to make sure he wasn’t pushing himself too much physically. Then they never stopped. Benji loves going places to photograph Sam for the millionth time. They will also go to the gym together, if their schedules align. They also love doing the couch potato things together: watching movies/Netflix or him playing video games while her feet are draped all over him as she reads her current murder mystery.

8. Who’s better at comforting the other?

Sam might be just a little better at it than Benji, but only because he has shitty impulse control and often will blurt out things he shouldn’t. Sam will generally sit and listen to Benji, cuddle him, pet his hair, etc. Benji will do similar things, but his need to crack jokes about inappropriate things gets him in trouble relatively often.

9. Who’s more protective?

Benji. He would NOT hesitate to murder a person in cold blood to keep Sam safe. It’s not exactly a healthy thing, but we all know the man needs therapy.

10. Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Benji is a cuddle monster and would be wrapped around Sam 24/7 if allowed. That being said, since Sam is a little reserved about verbalizing her feelings for him, anytime she says “I love you” first, he feels absolutely ecstatic.

Sam’s family wasn’t a very outwardly affectionate people, so she’s not used to either type of displays? That being said, since Benji is always a walking furnace, she absolutely loves when he gives her cuddles. It’s her favorite thing.

11. What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

*opens up their playlist*

Camila Cabello - Easy Amber Run - I Found Dermot Kennedy - Power Over Me X Ambassador - Unsteady Hozier - Work Song

12. What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

Benji calls Sam “baby” all the time. She usually just calls him Benji, but also occasionally “mi carino” or “my love”. Pretty sure he dies every time she calls him “my love”.

13. Who remembers the little things?

I feel like they’re both pretty good about remembering the little things. Sam is better about remembering significant dates, but that’s because she has a digital calendar and isn’t afraid to use it :P

DOMESTIC LIFE

1. If they get married, who proposes?

Benji is the one who proposes. It happens on a random night while getting ready for bed, while they’re both in the bathroom in their bedclothes. It’s adorable and very them.

2. What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

The wedding would most likely happen in Wayhaven. I can’t imagine either Benji or Sam wanting a huge ceremony, but since they’ve become the town’s favorite lovebirds, it kind of goes out of control. Once some of their supernatural friends get involved, it really goes a little crazy. It ends up happening at a city park so it can fit all of the attendees. Some of Sam’s family flies in from out of town. Tina is Benji’s best “man” and Liz is Sam’s matron of honor. Benji absolutely loses his shit when he sees Sam in the wedding dress walking down the aisle and totally disrupts the ceremony to try to kiss her out of turn. Other than a ridiculous number of people there (seriously, probably at least half of the town shows up), it’s a pretty chill party, with lots of remembrance of Sam’s mom and Benji’s dad. Let’s just say it was a good day :)

3. How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

There are a few AUs for these dorks, but in most of those they have two kids: a girl and a boy. Ella is precocious, outgoing, clever, and energetic. Liam is a giant cuddle bug with a gorgeous smile and a big heart, who prefers to tinker with things in a workshop than get involved with his older sister’s shenanigans.

4. Do they have any pets?

They eventually end up with two dogs that they take on their hikes. They only have one dog for the longest time because apartment living isn’t exactly conducive to pet ownership. Once they get a house, they expand their menagerie. There might be a stray cat they sorta adopt, too.

5. Who’s the stricter parent?

Sam, hands down. Benji is a giant pushover for his wife and children, and would let his kids climb all over him, as long as they were happy.

6. Who worries the most?

That really depends on what about. Benji is perpetually worried about keeping his family safe and provided for. Sam has anxiety about a variety of small things and it’s not hard for her to worry about random stuff.

7. Who kills the bugs in the house?

Depends on the bugs. Benji loathes spiders so Sam’s in charge of removing those. Sam absolutely cannot deal with centipedes and roaches, so Benji gets to kill those.

8. How do they celebrate holidays?

When it’s just the two of them, they either go visit one of their friends in town and spend it with them. Once kids arrive, they do holidays at home and tend to go big in the food department. Rebecca is always invited, but it depends on whether she can make it that time or not. They like it when holidays are warm and filled with happiness/laughter.

9. Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Benji. If he’s not working that morning, he would not want to leave the bed and would do everything in his power to keep Sam in there.

10. Who’s the better cook?

Sam. Benji isn’t terrible at it, but Sam is so much better that he rarely bothers with it. Also, Sam tends to treat cooking as stress relief (chopping veggies is great anger management), so he lets her do the thing in peace. That being said, if she’s too tired to cook, or it’s been a long day, or the kids are demanding her attention, Benji feels comfortable enough in the kitchen to take over and make dinner.

11. Who likes to dance?

Sam, hands down. Her mom loved to dance so she grew up around it. Unfortunately, Benji has two left feet so she doesn’t have many opportunities to flex those muscles (outside of occasional slow-dancing in the kitchen). She will occasionally drag Tina out for a night of dancing and go to a salsa club. It can really hit the spot.

#oc: Samantha Lopez #foc: Benjamin Fox #Samji #the ship that occupies my brain #living rent free in my head

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jalapeno-princess · 5 years ago

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Take My Hand

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Fluff with some angst

Word Count: 3.1k

Summary: Your parents have been planning your marriage to the Park family’s only son Jinyoung from the time you were born. You accepted the arrangement and came to terms with the fact that you were going to marry someone in order to strengthen your family’s companies. However, everything goes to shit when you fall in love with your coworker.

A/N: This is my first request! I’m sorry anon if this doesn’t meet your standards and if it’s all over the place. I’m still trying to get better with my writing. if you like this, feel free to send in more requests! This was honestly so rushed I’m sorry but please enjoy! Based on Run Away by Got7

You didn’t mean to fall in love with him, but it was inevitable. When you met him almost a year ago, you didn’t think he would be the one to capture your heart. Especially because you were engaged. Love was a foreign word. You considered it to be taboo. Your parents decided that you wouldn’t have a chance at having any idea of what love was before you could actually talk. They made an agreement with your fiancés parents even before either of you were born that the two of you were to get married once you both were of legal age to do so in order for both their companies to thrive. Or so they claimed.

Both your and Jinyoung’s father were the presidents of some of the biggest technology companies in the country. Your father was fully aware that having his only daughter marry the Park family’s only son would make your companies even stronger than they already were. This also meant more income coming in for both parties.

It wasn’t that you disliked your fiancé. Far from it actually. You and Jinyoung were civil, to the point where you would even consider yourselves friends.

However, even before learning what love was through Mark, you knew you didn’t love Jinyoung. You could never consider Jinyoung as anything more than a friend; the other half of a very unfortunate and unwanted arranged marriage.

Plus, the two of you only really interacted when your parents were around. You were never one to go against your parents wishes. As the only child, you did whatever you could in order to make your parents happy. You did everything they told you to do and constantly changed yourself in order to be a daughter they were proud of. That was until Mark walked in to your life.

Mark Tuan. The actual love of your life. Your best friend. The man who showed you what love was. Even if the two of you weren’t together for too long, you knew he was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. The feelings you had for him were indescribable. A smile would rise on your face at just the mere thought of him. Even if you knew the consequences of having an affair and what would happen if you didn’t go along with the marriage, you were willing to take the risk. Especially if it meant getting to be with Mark.

You had just become a kindergarten teacher when your paths collided. He had been teaching for a little over three years at the time and so the principal had him show you around. He was extremely handsome, there was no doubt about it. But it wasn’t just his attractive looks that had you hooked on him. It was his kindness, patience, optimism. The way his eyes would light up whenever you’d observe him teaching his students brought warmth to your cheeks. He was the perfect guy and pretty much everything you could want in a significant other.

The two of you began spending more and more time together as the months went by and soon you found yourself falling for him. It didn’t take long for you to realize that you had feelings for him. You found yourself missing him on the weekends and when spring break came around, one week felt like months away from him. But you didn’t know what this feeling was, nor did you want to act upon it because it was wrong. And you weren’t too sure how Mark felt about you.

Sure, he was extremely nice to you, and you would catch him sneaking glances at you from time to time. But that didn’t necessarily mean anything. Little did you know, he was just as head over heels for you as you were with him. He thought you were such an amazing teacher and he truly believed you were otherworldly. To Mark, you were an ethereal being; a sight for sore eyes and he found himself craving your presence all the time. Which is why he finally built the courage to ask you out on a date.

When he pulled you on the side one morning while the kids were at recess and asked to talk to you, you didn’t think much about it. That was until you saw the beautiful bouquet of sunflowers he was trying to hide behind his back and the pink tint on his cheeks as he nervously scratched the back of his neck. When he confessed his feelings for you, you were over the moon. However, constant red flags went off in your head. No matter how badly you wanted to go out with him, you knew you had no right to. Nor did you want to lead Mark on by saying yes, only for him to find out about your engagement if the two of you were to get serious. Yet, you found yourself agreeing.

Your first date together wasn’t something you could put in to words. He was such a gentleman and also quite the joker. You didn’t think you were capable of so much laughter. Growing up, you would hear some of your classmates talk about having “butterflies swarm around in their tummy” whenever they would talk to their crush. But you never quite understood what it meant. As you walked hand in hand with Mark, you now had a clue what they were talking about. Although, butterflies didn’t even come close to describing the feeling Mark gave you.

Dating Mark felt like a dream. Sometimes, you had a hard time believing that he was actually real. You fell in love with him faster than you’d like to admit. He made you feel things that you were afraid of at first. Only because you didn’t think someone like you, someone who’s parents had planned out her life before she was even born, would have the chance to do something you actually wanted. Not something your parents wanted you to do.

Your relationship with Mark was one of the only things in your life that you had control over and you were going to make the most of it. He sent fire to your bones with the slightest of touches. He would always find an excuse to come in to your classroom just to see you and sometimes, he would sneak a few kisses when your students weren’t looking. Mark was also very thoughtful. Seeing as how you would always get up early to go to work, he had a feeling you weren’t taking care of yourself by eating your meals. That’s why you would always find some sort of pastry on your desk almost every morning and the thought always made you blush.

As the months went by, things only got harder for you. The wedding planning had begun. Since you and Jinyoung were both legal adults with full time jobs, your parents felt that it was time the two of you finally tied the knot. You didn’t know what to do. You felt torn. It’s been six months since the two of you started seeing each other and Mark had yet to learn about your fiancé and how you were months away from getting married to another man.

The two of you had just finished a passionate night of love making when you decided it was time to let him know. The guilt was eating away at you and you could no longer hold it in anymore. Right as you were about to open your mouth and say something, he beat you to it.

“I’m in love with you.”

You were stunned to say the least. Hearing those words leave his pretty lips sent your body ablaze. You couldn’t breathe. It was all too much. When he noticed your blank stare, he felt his heart sink. Was he rushing things? Did he say it too early? Did you not feel the same?

“Mark I-“ he sadly shook his head.

“No, it’s fine if you don’t feel the same. I just..I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I’ve been wanting to say it for months now but I didn’t want to scare you away. I should’ve waited a little bit longer shouldn’t I?”

Seeing his adorable pout made you feel guilty. You’ve been wanting to hear him say those five words for the longest time now. But you knew it was wrong. How could you have let Mark fall in love with you knowing you could not completely give yourself to him the way he deserved? Mark deserved someone who wasn’t already tied down to someone else. Someone with less baggage. Someone who wasn’t already theoretically taken.

“I’m in love with you too Mark.” His frown quickly disappeared as a smile rose on to his handsome face. However, it was quick to disappear again when you said the next words.

“I’m engaged.” When you felt him release his grip from off your waist, you could feel tears brimming at your eyelids. As much as you wanted to relinquish in your newfound love, you couldn’t continue hiding from him. The two of you sat in silence for what felt like hours. You wanted to wait for his reaction to your sudden confession, yet the silence was killing you. All too soon, he stood up and picked up his phone, all the while putting some clothes on.

“Mark..Mark please listen to me..I can explain-“ He let out a sarcastic laugh and scoffed. When you saw his facial expression, another pang of hurt hit your chest. Sure, he looked pissed. He had every right to be. But you’ve been with him long enough to know that he was upset. You had just told your boyfriend that you were engaged to another man and you’ve been keeping it a secret from him for the duration of your relationship. What did you expect?

“Explain? What is there to explain? Is this a fucking game to you y/n? Is my heart a fucking toy? You’re engaged? That’s a joke right? You must be kidding me. How could you..why would you..I can’t even think right now. I can’t do this. I have to go.”

You immediately made your way towards him, reaching out for him but he was quick to push you away. Is this what heartbreak felt like? You were sure of it. It was a feeling you never wanted to experience, but here you were. Hurting the only person who has ever meant anything to you.

“Mark. Please don’t go. I’m sorry. I love you so much-“ he stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at you. It took every bone in his body not to reach out to you and pull you in to his embrace. If there was something Mark hated, it was seeing you cry.

One time, you were being evaluated by the superintendent because she wanted to see how your first year of being a teacher was going so far. At first, you thought things were going quite well. That was until she pulled you to the side and pointed out everything she thought you were doing wrong. When she left, you let everything out and started sobbing. You were so deep in to your crying session that you failed to notice Mark entering your classroom until you felt him pull you in to his chest as he whispered sweet nothings in to your ear. Seeing you so fragile and so weak broke his heart and he vowed to make sure you would never cry again. But you weren’t the victim this time.

“Love me huh. You love me? You’ve been hiding the fact that you have a fiancé from me y/n! You’re engaged! You’re getting married to someone who isn’t me and you failed to inform me about it. That’s some kind of twisted form of love don’t you think?” He roughly pinched the bridge of his nose and released a frustrated sigh. “I wish you would’ve said something earlier. I wouldn’t have let myself fall in love with someone whose practically unavailable. Damnit y/n! How could you do this to me? Fuck. What else are you hiding from me?”

The tears wouldn’t stop falling and you never hated yourself more than you did in that moment. You wanted nothing more than to apologize to him and explain to him the entire situation, but it was too late. The damage was done. He released one more sigh before punching the wall and storming out of his room. Once he left, you sank to the ground and continued your sobbing. You were worried at the thought of him driving while he was so frustrated, but you were the reason he was so upset. No matter how badly you wanted to call him and see if he was okay, you didn’t want to make matters worse.

After a while, you finally calmed down and decided to go to sleep. Since you were in Mark’s apartment, you didn’t feel right sleeping on his bed just in case he were to come home and want to go straight to sleep. Therefore, you made your way to the living room and flopped down on his couch. Soon, you found yourself falling asleep. You woke up in the middle of the night when you felt yourself being picked up and at first you were worried, until you saw him. Even in the dark, you could see the dried up tears and how red his eyes were.

Although you were still a bit sleepy, the thought of him crying made you tear up. Mark was never one to really cry, but when he did you know something was really bothering him.

“Mark-“ he softly placed his finger on your lips in attempts to prevent you from talking and continued carrying you to his room.

“The couch isn’t a good place to sleep. Your back will be sore in the morning.” You looked up at him and hesitantly grazed his cheek with your thumb. To both of your surprise, he leaned in to your palm and placed a soft kiss against it. Once you both entered his room, he placed you gently on his bed before taking his place next to you. You purposely turned the other way just in case he was still mad, but deep down you wanted nothing more than for him to hold you. When you felt him turn you around, a small smile rose upon your face and he brought his hands in to your hair.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve let you explain yourself. I was just upset-“ You shook your head in disagreement. This was one of the many reasons why you were so in love with the beautiful man lying in front of you. Even if you did wrong, he was the one apologizing and wanting to take care of you.

“You have every right to be. I’m so sorry Mark. I didn’t mean to keep this from you, I just..I don’t know. I wanted to be selfish. I didn’t mean to hurt you. And God knows the last thing I wanted to do was make you cry. I’m engaged. But not for the reasons that you think. I’m not cheating on him or anything. He and I..we’re not actually together. Our parents..they’ve been planning this arranged marriage between the two of us before we were both even born.” You released an exhausted sigh and took a while to breathe before continuing.

“Our fathers are both presidents of their own companies and they wanted us to get married in order for both their companies to become more successful. At first, I accepted it. I was always one to listen to what my parents wanted me to do with no questions asked. But then I met you. And I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to kiss you, hold you, be held by you, love you. I wanted to be yours. So I pushed the thought of the marriage to the back of my mind and put myself first for once. Loving you was the best decision I’ve ever made Mark Tuan.”

Your fingers made their way up to his face and you started absentmindedly tracing his features. “I never knew what love was until I met you. I was willing to risk it all for you, for us to be together. I didn’t care about the consequences that came with going against my parents wishes, especially because this arrangement is set in stone. All I care about is you. All I want, all I know, all I need..is you. I love you. With my entire being. I didn’t mean to keep this from you. I just didn’t want to lose you if you found out and decided you didn’t want to be with me. But that went to shit didn’t it?”

He let out a soft chuckle and you found yourself cuddling closer in to his body. Mark was your safe haven. You always felt so happy, so warm whenever he was around. He could make all your worries and problems go away by just a kiss on your lips. He was your own personal drug and you were at the point where you refused to live without him.

“I don’t know what to do Mark. We’re supposed to be getting married here soon. I don’t want to marry him. I want to be with you.” He brought one hand down to your waist and started caressing your hip bone while tracing your lips with the other one.

“Do you love me?” You quickly nodded. If there was something you were confident in, it was the love you had for Mark.

“More than anything. You know that.” He lowered himself in order to be eye level with you before placing a chaste kiss on the corner of your lip.

“You wanna be with me?”

“For the rest of my life.”

“Do you trust me?”

“With every bone in my body.”

“Would you do something for me then?”

You looked up at him in curiosity before humming in agreement. “Anything.”

He placed his forehead against yours and sighed. “Run away with me.”

The idea of running away from your family upset you. It wasn’t that they mistreated you, nor did you have negative feelings for your family. Sometimes you wish your parents were cold towards you so that the idea of running away and leaving everything behind didn’t bother you. But you did have negative feelings for the arrangement and the thought of running away in order to spend the rest of your days with Mark sent shivers down your spine.

Just like they did all those months ago, red flags started going off in your mind. However, yet again, you found yourself putting yourself first. Looking at Mark, you knew you would do anything and everything he’d ask you to. A part of you didn’t want to upset your parents by not going through with the wedding, but you refused to marry a man you weren’t in love with for the sake of both of your companies. Your dad would just have to find another way of increasing business.

Sure, you were afraid of losing your family, but the man who’s arms were currently wrapped tightly around your waist as if he was afraid to lose you was all the family you needed. Which is why it came as no shock when you found yourself nodding against his lips as he pulled you in to a passionate kiss.

“God y/n, I’m so in love with you. I don’t know where we’ll go or what we’ll do or where we live. All I know is as long as I’m with you, I have everything I need. I’m going to take good care of you baby. I promise.”

#got7 imagines #got7 drabbles #got7 scenarios #got7 mark #mark tuan #mark tuan fluff #mark tuan imagines #mark tuan got7 #kpop imagines #i miss mark so much

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musingsofawannabewriter · 4 years ago

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Can I Be More Than The Person I Have Become?

Here I am again. Once every few months, sometimes years I get that urge to put pen to paper or in this instance finger to keyboard.

When I was little reading my mom’s Jodi Picoult, Danielle Steele or Avon romance novels I felt inspired. I wanted to write a book people would cherish and love. Then I read Purple Hibiscus and then the doubts came.

Purple Hibiscus is one of my favorite books ever and the author Chimamanda is an inspiration to me. But the doubts came because I believed I could never write a book as amazing as Purple Hibiscus, that stirred so many emotions and feelings in me that with each rereading makes me discover something new. It didn’t help that Chimamada is that perfect Igbo first daughter who has a first degree and not one but 2 MA’s and speaks fluent Igbo.

My admiration for her was tinged with a lot of jealousy. I am an Igbo first daughter, that can barely speak/understand Igbo despite growing up in Nigeria most of my life, I only have a BA in Law, I failed spectacularly at a Masters programme that from the start I only applied to because I thought it was expected of me.

There are so many flaws in myself I could spend hours picking on but won’t for the sake of bringing down the mood of this article/opinion piece. Despite feeling I could never measure up to CNA I still chose literature as my elective in my GCSE’s and WAEC exams. Had an A for both and was the best student in class for the former. But I still felt like a fraud. I understand English, I speak it but the technical rules stump me sometimes. Like the semicolon… No matter how many times I can’t seem to retain when it applies. I suck at writing dialogue because I am always confused where to add the apostrophes and commas. Subject verb agreement, well I stumble my way through and hope for the best which has worked out okay so far.

I used to write in notebooks fervently in Secondary School. I would craft stories which would get passed around different students and their compliments and eagerness to read my words fueled me. I was going to be a writer maybe.. Get my first degree in Law then a Masters in Creative Writing. Maybe after becoming successful I’d be the next Michaela Coel adapting my work to the screen to great critical acclaim.

Well let’s just say reality hit hard, no punches pulled whatsoever. I left my sheltered Nigerian boarding school after graduation to go to the UK full time for my A Levels. First mistake was spending my years pocket money in under 3 months. Second mistake was essentially being mute for my first year of school. I have always been quite reserved and find it hard to talk to people. Going to a full boarding school meant I saw my classmates almost 24/7 so bonding and socialisation was inevitable. Well with A levels only having 3 subjects to study and it being a day school meant I could go a week without speaking to anyone except the lovely lunch ladies in the cafeteria.

If I am being honest I wasn’t used to interacting with white people and felt self conscious about my accent so it was a perfect storm.

Then the whopper…I have always had a complicated relationship with food. Since I was younger my weight has fluctuated heavily. It didn’t help that my mom was one of those slightly bigger women who decided to become a gym addict and drop all the weight. A lot of her insecurity from being bigger rubbed off on me, directly and indirectly.

Having your mom take you to exercise classes at 13 hurts. Having your mom be so happy to see you lose so much weight because the food at your boarding school sucked hurts. Having people complimenting your mum and asking how you're related to her cuts even deeper. Every stab at my heart at confidence got buried deep. In school, I would restrict my eating by spending breakfasts which I hated asleep in class, would skip a few lunches then binge at dinner times. This had the effect of keeping my weight stable.

Even then my mom still criticised my weight. When I look back at my size 12/14 self in secondary school who was gorgeous, a rage fills me. I was so beautiful but with zero confidence. I hurt so much and wish I could go back in time for a few minutes to tell myself I was worthy of being liked, by others and myself.

Eventually being away from my mom, the safety of my boarding school friends and siblings made it easy to seek solace in food. I was in the UK, I was living in student accommodation and for the first time in my life I had a debit card. I spent hundreds of £s a month in takeaways. Then I spent over £100 on diet pills which made me feel ill. In under a year I went from a size 14 to 24 to my mothers horror and mine. I didn’t know about the body positivity movement or Tess Holliday. I only knew that my mom was angry and sad and worried I would die in my sleep one night.

In almost a decade, that has been one of her mantras when talking to me about my weight. That she can’t bury her child and she’s afraid one night I will sleep and not wake up. In her mind its concern, but the way she says it feels like emotional manipulation.

Reading back there’s a lot of mother bashing going on, but it is not intentional. Some people are besties with their mothers and I prefer a more distant relationship. We will eventually get to the daddy issues but that will take some tears and a while before I can go into that.

I crave the catharsis of writing. The word vomit and jumbled feelings in the pit of my stomach. It helps me see myself as that idealistic 16 year old with a heart full of dreams and hopes. Not the current dried out husk I think I am now. I think of my future in abstract terms.

I don’t see a family, mortgage or dog. I just see myself barely existing. I feel this with a resigned calmness. Then I have my internal spiral of being to shortsighted and hasty in writing my life off at 25. I read tweets about people finding first love in their 30s, going back to school in their 40’s and getting into their careers in their 50s. Then I hear that voice in the far corner of my mind whispering, do I even want to make it to my 40’s…

And I answer back quietly that I really don't want to make it to my 40s. I’ll maybe hold on till my parents die so my mom doesn’t lord it over me that she had to bury her child and not the other way around. But some nights I really don’t want to be alive. Some nights I wish I was never born and just like clockwork the tears start. Those tears that I hold in and the dark thoughts I numb with the stimuli of food, YouTube and now K dramas.

For the past few years, I have made my Other World. This Other World is essentially a parallel universe. In this universe I have no issues with food, I have an incredible metabolism that means I can eat virtually anything without guilt. I make friends my first day of college and join so many student societies and actually participate. I push myself in school and get into my mother’s dream of a Russell Group. I choose LSE though she wishes I chose Queen Mary. I work hard, join the Law Society, meet a lovely British Nigerian with a great background, we date a few years and get married. I get a Masters in Creative Writing and have an amazing blog which gets adapted to a critically acclaimed series and I am fulfilled.

Sometimes my Other World self changes. She is the daughter of millionaires who is a genius, polyglot and fighter of social justice. I can sing, know martial arts and take the movie world by storm. Other times I am just pretty and living a simple but happy life. I know in my heart that these are just fantasies and sometimes I wish I could be like Buffy in that episode of BTVS and stay stuck in that Other World fully. I’m sure you’re thinking about my family who I’d leave behind. My response is I can’t miss them if I never remember I had them.

I am the first daughter, the Ada. My parents though flawed always tell me I am a great role model for my siblings. I am seemingly still a virgin, don’t drink, do drugs or rock the boat too much. And I feel even worse. I feel guilty that with all they have sacrificed that they have been stuck with an average daughter and by upper middle class Nigerian standards, if that even exists, a sub par Ada. I feel defective looking around and seeing others in the peak of their careers, vetting engaged, building houses for their parents. I am still afraid of driving!! I can’t even get that basic skill down.

4 years post LLB, no LLM to at least lessen me not being a lawyer and stuck in a customer service role almost 3 years now. I know I am at fault for not making the right decisions. Not applying for the grad jobs or vacancy schemes in time. Being so down and depressed I wouldn’t leave my room for days and weeks at a time. Failing all my LLM modules, adding back all the weight and more after boot camps with my parents, not having enough savings and having an even worse accent after almost a decade in the UK.

My self-deprecating joke I tell is that my sister is the multi talented one, my brother the smart ambitious one and as my parents say I have a big heart. That essentially my parents would say my thing is having a big heart, like that ever helped anyone build a career. I thought if I couldn’t write then I could maybe study Social Work. That got shot down by my mother and I was persuaded to go into the path of Law for University. I applied for Social Work Schemes and got rejected multiple times over multiple years. I was too scared to sink my own money to self fund a Social Work Masters in case it became another LLM fiasco. SO now I have made Teaching my next career goal. I am resigning myself to it the way Henry the 8ths spouses and mistresses must have whenever he wanted to bed them. Powerless and without a choice. Then I think that’s false equivalency and my pain could not be on the level of the pain they must have endured.

So many feelings, deep thoughts and memories flow out when I get the writing urge. I will likely never actually share this in full for obvious reasons except maybe anonymously. These few pages have jumped through quite a few time periods and experiences. My thoughts aren’t always linear and that ties in with something else I acknowledge but haven’t been serious about. I legitimately think I have ADHD and/or BPD. Watching the diagnosis episode of Crazy Ex Girlfriend by the amazing Rachel Bloom shone a light on feelings and behaviours I have had for a while. Maybe that’s why from the first episode of the show I was in love. She was stuck in the past, holding onto Josh who represented a time in her life of happiness. She had cutaways to magical musical numbers involving herself and the people around her.

The ADHD comes from following iconic black women on twitter who were outspoken about their diagnosis and bringing focus to how black women were being underdiagnosed. But then I think maybe I want to have ADHD as an excuse for the failures in my life and with the current NHS waiting lists I may not get a formal diagnosis for a while. So for now I manage and exist.

I like being honest in my writing. Exposing those dark parts of myself that I let fester in the recesses of my heart and mind.

#black writers #adhd #igbo #life #hopeful #scared #prose #self love

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vios-rockland-corner · 4 years ago

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Nightmare Realized

“Nightmare Realized” is a short visual novel/game that acts as a teaser for the first upcoming Misfits horror game, “The Misfits: First Blood.”

It’s a haunting precursor for the events that will come, and a good look at one of the characters.

I highly recommend playing it through first (it only takes less than 5 minutes). Otherwise, I’ll be placing my random thoughts below for fun.

[Spoilers below for Nightmare Realized, Rumors of Rockland Article 1, and The Misfits: First Blood demo]

I absolutely loved this teaser. Especially the way it was presented. It’s pretty short, so I’ve decided what I’ll do here is make a bullet list of any little thing that caught my eye. Once that’s done, I’ll decide what I want to talk about more (I may not address every single bullet point).

1. Rory Stryker is a kind person at least to Syndey and Tyler.

2. Tyler might possibly get his drugs from his mother (not clear if she got him into drugs or if she just provides- the phrase “drug abuse” is stated though).

3. It sounds like…Sydney has trouble being nice with his blood family usually (like his mother and Tyler)

4. Something is VERY wrong with Sydney.

5. Sydney may have an obsession with either blades or using them (or both…possibly blood too).

6. Getting to hear the knives’ “songs often now” implies that he is becoming more active (possibly to hurt or kill people).

7. Quill, similarly to how he was portrayed in the demo, has a huge ego. And yes, even his friends think he’s a d*ck.

8. Sydney considers Quill, Chase and Kinley as family. Possible even more so than his blood family from what I can tell.

9. There are romantic relationships among the four. It’s implied they all may love each other. Outlaw has a lot of polyamorous and pansexual characters, so this isn’t unusual. That’s why Sydney’s description for each of the three feels like a genuine love confession. I might say from these depictions they do share, but there are favored partners for each person (Chase-Quill and Syndey-Kinley)? But I need to be careful about what I say since I’m not familiar with this dynamic. (Btw creators, if this is rude for me to comment on, I’ll try to avoid the topic in the future and edit this part out).

10. Chase is nonbinary and used to be mute. They were also abandoned when they were younger. [Note: I actually knew this already from some Patreon notes, but I thought it’d be good to make that clear here]

11. All four characters, happily engage in “hunting.” Obviously, they’re not talking about game hunting here. If you’ve played the Misfits: First Blood demo, it was mentioned that these guys DO go after people as a pack sometimes.

One of the biggest things about this game is it’s the first time I believe we’ve gotten to see a glimpse into Sydney’s personality. Even better, we get a direct look into his psyche since this is POV. Syndey’s character has been around, but before this game we’ve only had artwork and Quill mentioning his name briefly in the demo. There weren’t any clues for what this guy was like.

Right off the bat we can see Sydney is very off. It sounds like he usually puts in the bare minimum when it comes to functioning and interacting with others. He sounds very out of it. He only gets more lively and emotions once Quill and the rest of his friends come into the picture. Let’s not forget either the sinister urges we see invading his mind at an alarming rate. This is apparently a dangerous trait he’s had for a long time. It’s almost like he can’t help himself.

What was really interesting to me was the very beginning actually. I’m really curious what kind of relationship Sydney has with his family. Compared to his friends, his blood family is either a lot lower on his priority list or he just has a lot of issues connecting with any of them. We still don’t know what the Stryker family does yet, but that could play a part in this. I wonder, since he seems slightly disconnected from his immediate family, if any of them are aware of Sydney’s “hunting hobby.” His parents are part of “The Professionals” group, so they’re not innocent themselves. But I don’t know how much each party influences or is involved with the other here. Unlike with Quill and his father Alchemy (another “Professional”) where we do know from the demo that Quill learned from Alchemy.

I’m also more curious now about Tyler. We got a good introduction to Tyler in the Rumors of Rockland Article 1 that was released. He seemed pretty chipper and easy going there. But I don’t know if he has his own problems. He’s a drug dealer and…yeah it’s very possible that he’s also addicted to drugs as well. Sydney specifically uses the phrase “drug abuse,” but I can’t quite figure out if he means Tyler is abusing drugs, or it’s some kind of influence by his mother. Like I said, she could be a dealer herself. There’s something twisted there.

Whatever the case, Tyler and his mother seem to be much closer to each other than Sydney is to either of them. It doesn’t FEEL like Sydney has any malice towards either of the two, but I’d need more information to be sure. Sydney’s apparently not always nice to Tyler, but Sydney doesn’t seem to pay attention to this fact in his daily life.

One thing I loved about this game is how it progresses. We start off with Sydney clearly not having a wonderful morning (he’s very distracted). Then we slowly meet up with Quill, Chase and Kinley. The minute Quill comes into the picture, Sydney becomes more emotional and thoughtful. We get to meet Chase and we’re distracted by the depiction of this small character with a sad past. Then we’re suddenly reminded something. These people are monsters. Despite the casual setting at the arcade, once Quill brings up “hunting,” we the audience see the wolves hiding beneath these playful characters through wonderfully dark visuals. Even cute little Chase has a wicked grin on their face.

There’s even a brief moment where Kinley is introduced and Sydney is able to return to a calm, loving state for a moment (after getting excited over the thought of blood). Kinley’s a psychologist who took care of his unwell mother at a young age. He seemed to be picking up on Sydney’s excitement here. So for a brief moment…you think MAYBE Kinley has come over to calm Sydney down and drive away his more murderous thoughts? NOPE. We’re quickly shown that this man is no different from the other three. They ALL crave a hunt. No matter how beautiful you paint a picture of each on the outside, they all have thorns underneath like a rose.

And in a twisted way, Sydney feels more connected with these three because he DOESN’T feel like a monster here. They are all the same. Which of course, is horrifying as a viewer. They’re probably far less likely to feel remorse for their actions if they know there are other people like themselves around to share their sick hobbies with.

It’s a chilling and perfect teaser for the inevitable Misfits game. The message is clear: Don’t trust any of them.

Side note: I personally look forward to seeing more egotistical Quill. I love it even though I want to punch him in the face sometimes.

#Nightmare Realized #rockland #the misfits #runawayoutlaw #rottenbonethief #Sydney Dixie #Quinton Willow #Chase Knox #Ashley Kinley #Rockland Games #horror game #teaser

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billdenbrough · 5 years ago

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hi i’ve had a headache all day (my fault for staying up until 5am smh) and am coming down with a cold (outrageous, fuck u winter) so i’m not sure how coherent this is but @trentadepresso was having a rough day which is a Crime™ bc andrea is an angel, and she really loves stenbrough, so i thought i’d try my hand at this to cheer her up a little? andrea, babes, i have v little experience/thought w them so i hope i do them justice for u!! i love u v much. also i’m mobile as per so like. apologies in advance for any typos

STENBROUGH + 30. you don’t see me

It’s a Thursday, so it should be a quiet night, but there are about twenty people crammed into various nooks and crannies of the dorm that Bill, Richie and Ben share.

There are three girls sitting in a circle on Mike’s bed, braiding each other’s hair as they listen to him tell a story about Bill, Richie and an ornery goat that has Bev in stitches across the carpet; she’s sitting with some of Richie’s classmates from his Calculus class (“Rich, you’re doing an Arts degree,” Bev had pointed out with a laugh when he’d first slapped his schedule down in front of them all, which he’d met with an unrepentant shrug) at the foot of Ben’s bed, half-watching Community on Ben’s laptop, half-listening to Mike’s story; Ben and Richie playing a very intense game of Charades, along with about ten other people, in front of Richie’s bed, where Eddie is seated, watching the chaos between his fingers, laughing helplessly at absolutely every ridiculous impression Richie does; and finally, where Stan’s eyes always are, Bill, lying down on the carpet, lazily sketching some of the tableau in front of them.

Stan, for that matter, is sitting on the windowsill by the head of Ben’s bed, perched in a way that allows him to survey it all. He’d been talking to some of the braiding girls before Mike had started telling his story, and has since escaped to his raised position. Despite what Richie might say when teasing him, Stan likes these sorts of kick-backs, likes seeing his friends have fun, likes engaging with their peers. He’s not the most sought-out ever (that would be Richie, Bill, or maybe Bev), but that’s hardly a concern of his; he likes having his odder sense of humour, likes having shorter interactions with people, likes having less demands for his time and energy. Richie gets energy from other people’s attention. The only attention that sends a zing through Stan is that of the people he cares about.

There’s a girl giggling—well, there’s several, it’s Richie, but this one stands out in her intentionality—over Richie’s antics at Charades, and Stan winces. He thinks her name’s Belinda—or maybe Bethany?—which would already be a no from him, given how many fucking B-names his friends have, but he’s very certain she’s out of luck. She’s attractive, he supposes, and he could see Richie being interested for a night, but, well. They’ve never talked about it, but Stan is Richie’s best friend. He’s always been aware of how Richie’s eyes travel to Eddie after every antic, always craving his reaction more than anyone else’s.

Of course, that goes two ways. Like, Eddie glancing back, sure, but that’s not what Stan means. He means that he’s pretty sure Richie’s aware of the way Stan’s always on the look out for a crop of auburn hair half a head above everyone but Richie or Mike, the way his gaze always—inevitably—finds Bill in any room, the way something in his heart hurts when it’s late at night and Bill’s looking at him with that sleepy smile.

There’s a shout of triumph, and Stan glances over at the charades crew, which seems to have grown in number. Richie’s whooping, Ben’s laughing at him, and Mike and Bev have ended up over there too, on either side of Eddie, shouting “best of three!” Richie glances at Ben, who shrugs, making Richie beam. “All right! This time, though, Eds, you’re playing,” Richie announces, and Stan stifles a laugh at the expression on Eddie’s face.

“Wait, Rich—” Eddie’s saying, and then Mike says, “C’mon, Eddie, I’ll be with you guys too. Who’s going to get Richie’s impressions faster than you?” and the expression on Eddie’s face... kind of knocks the breath out of Stan. He dearly wants to talk to him and figure out exactly what Mike’s words did to Eddie’s understanding of it all, but Richie’s still smiling brightly at Eddie, all hopeful eyes, and just like always, Eddie sighs, and nods. “Yeah, okay, as long as Mikey’s with us,” he says, and Richie whoops.

“Guess that means I’m with you,” Bev says to Ben, who smiles back. “Guess so,” he says. “Bill, do you want to play?” he asks, turning to where his roommate is still lying on the floor. Stan, again, stifles a laugh at the expression on Richie’s face (“He is entirely too good of a friend sometimes,” Richie had grumbled to Stan once, “like he and Bill are close, and Bill and Bev are totally over what the fuck ever you wanna call what they had going on for literally like, two weeks, so it’s not like he needs to do it to be a good friend to Bill anyway, but holy shit, I wish he’d realise that Bev, like, wants to hang out with him for him. Like, love yourself, dude.”), before his eyebrows shoot up at what Bill’s doing.

Because Bill is standing, shaking his head, and completely abandoning the two people who were lying beside him, not so subtly trying to get him to sketch them. “Nah, I wanna show Stan some of these,” he says, which is... odd. Not that he wants to show him things—Stan knows, realistically, that he’s one of the most important people in Bill’s life, and that Bill values his opinion—but just the timing of it all.

Ben nods, asking one of the girls braiding hair if she wants to join their team instead, but Bev’s eyes stay on Bill. There’s something knowing in them that Stan’s not entirely sure what to do with.

“Hey, you been having fun?” Bill asks, leaning against the wall just to the left of the head of the bed. He’s close enough that Stan can feel every movement brush against him.

“Yeah,” Stan says agreeably. “I mean, probably not as much as them—” he leans his head towards a few of the audience members for the charades shenanigans who seem to be drinking beer, even though Stan didn’t see any boxes around, “—but it’s been fine. What about you?” He nudges Bill, inclining his head towards the sketchbook Bill’s got under his arm. “Any good scenes?”

Bill’s lips, in a grimace at the drinking students, twist into an embarrassed smile. “Yeah, I mean, kind of? Everyone’s having fun, and that’s, you know, soothing to draw.”

“Can I see?” Stan asks. He doesn’t usually ask. He’s the only one. He’s always been the most sensitive about the idea of Bill saying no. But. But Bill is warm and bright and next to him, and he said he wanted to show Stan some of them, and maybe Stan’s not foolish to believe it.

Bill glances at him in surprise. “You want—yeah, sure,” he says, and it sounds so easy in his mouth, even though it was accompanied with the kind of initial surprise that used to get him stuttering so hard that even their teachers referred to him by it. (That had always made Stanley angry, so angry; the idea that anyone could see Bill, with all of his bravery and determination and loyalty, his creativity and care and warmth, and think the thing that mattered most to define him was his fucking stutter.)

He pushes off from against the wall and tilts his head towards his now-empty bed, and Stan nods. He slips down from the windowsill onto Ben’s bed, gently closes Ben’s laptop mid-rant from Jeff Winger, and ends up sitting at the head of Bill’s bed while Bill drops himself into his desk chair. He passes Stan the sketchbook, and Stan opens it, drawing in a breath. The first one is of Richie, and it’s—fuck, it’s just beautiful. Richie’s always been so in motion that Stan would never have guessed he could see a paper page and feel like he could find his best friend in the lines on it, but Bill’s managed it. There’s something striking in the lines and slopes of Richie’s face, something frenetic in the feathering lines of his hands, something in the expression on his face that suggests of a laugh beginning to form. It’s bright and bold and fucking beautiful, and Stan was always sure Bill was talented, but he doesn’t have words for this.

“Holy shit,” he breathes, and he’s vaguely aware of Bill’s eyes on his, the weight of his gaze, but he’s mostly losing himself in the sketches. He flicks to the next page, and it’s Bev and Ben. Stan always thinks of the way Ben looks at Bev, maybe because he’s a little closer to Bev than he is to Ben, but Bill drew it the other way around. Ben’s the star of the piece, with his burly arms and wide, sweet face, and Bev’s looking at him, and the expression on her face is so fond and amused and fierce and affectionate that it hurts, because it’s so her, but Stan prides himself on being observant, and if he didn’t notice this tonight, then Ben definitely didn’t. Maybe if he sees it here, rendered in such vivid detail that it’s impossible not to swallow as something true, it’ll hit him.

“She looks at him like Eddie looks at Richie,” Bill says with a quiet chuckle, and Stan’s heart stops in his chest. Because, yeah, Richie and Eddie feel very obvious to Stan, especially Richie at Eddie. But he can’t fathom how Bill could possibly notice Bev looking at Ben and Eddie looking at Richie and not notice Stan’s eyes following him through every room. He flicks more hurriedly through the pages, soaking them all in, and they’re beautiful, all so beautiful. Mike’s strong and tall and genuine, laughing quietly with three girls on Bill’s bed; Bev’s legs are tangled in Richie’s from earlier in the night, the two of them setting up Community; Eddie’s laughing so hard that he’s breathless, leaning on Ben for support, and—

Wait.

Stan glances back at it, brow furrowing. The background is half filled-in, and something in Stan’s stomach lurches, because he remembers this moment. He’d been right there, on the other side of Ben, looking at Eddie with amusement. But he’s not in the sketch.

He flicks to the next page. It’s Mike and Bev, sitting cross-legged on the floor, well before most people arrived, and Stan’s frown deepens, because he knows he was there, standing behind Bev, hands resting on her shoulders. They’re bare in the pictures. He flicks forward again. Richie talking to Mike. Stan feels like he and Eddie should be laughing in the background, but they’re not. He’s not.

He flicks forward again. There are more of the kick-back, all these people Stan knows only vaguely, and yet. None of Stan. This whole night is basically immortalised in this sketchbook, but there’s none of Stan or Bill. He... really doesn’t know what to do with that.

“Stan?” Bill’s voice breaks through. “What’s wrong?”

Stan doesn’t look up. He’s thinking this through in his mind, examining it from every possible angle. He ends up with one possible conclusion, and he doesn’t know what to do with it.

“You don’t see me,” he says carefully. His heart thuds, but his voice is level. He finally looks up.

Bill blinks. “W-what?” Clearly, it’s the last thing he expected Stan to say. Some distant part of Stan notes that the stutter is back.

“There are like twenty pictures here,” Stan says, and does his voice sound too rigid? Too taut? He’s trying for patient, or at the very least, not hurt. “All from tonight.”

Bill nods, brow furrowed.

“Bill,” Stan says patiently, wondering why he’s even pursuing this. Because he’s a constant disappointment to himself, probably. “There are like twenty pictures in here, and none of them are of me.”

Bill’s eyes widen, and his mouth pops open ever so slightly. It hurts to look at it. Because that’s what he’d look like when he kisses someone, Stan imagines, and that’s never felt like less of a possibility for him to experience than now.

“It’s whatever,” Stan says, “I mean, you’re under no obligation to. I just... was surprised, I guess.” Because we’re best friends. Aren’t we? Because even if your heart doesn’t skip a beat when I smile at you, we’re still friends, aren’t we?

Bill still looks a little taken aback, but something Stan said must have gotten under his skin, because he opens his mouth furiously, before being cut off by a whoop from Bev (“Suck on that, Tozier!”). He closes his mouth instead, and looks at Stan with such intensity that Stan feels off-kilter.

“Stan,” he says quietly, fiercely. “Stan, I see you. You’re like, the only thing I see.”

And now Stan’s mouth is slightly open, because he doesn’t know what to do with that. How to compute that, how to make it align with the facts of the universe as he knows it, with what he’s surmised from the sketchbooks.

Bill, apparently, didn’t mean to say all that, because his face shuts down for a moment, before it takes on a determined set. He slides back slightly from the edge of the bed and rifles through his desk drawers—god, they’re a fucking disaster area, Stan notes with a wince—before pulling out another sketchbook.

“Th-th-this is the one I had before,” he says, and there’s something so familiar about Bill in this moment, stuttering yet determined, that it twists something in Stan’s chest. He pushes it towards Stan, who opens it.

The first picture is of Richie again. But it’s Richie with Stan, and Richie’s laughing, joy in motion, and yet. The sketch is focused on Stan, with his wry smile and dancing eyes and the way his shoulder sits under the arm Richie slung around it. The next one is Eddie and Richie, and Stan’s in the background, but he’s got as much detail in his expression as Richie does, despite his face being a fifth of the size. Stan flicks through. They’re all like that. There’s a fair few without him, of course, but all of the ones that feature him, it feels like the pencils came a little more alive when resting on him. He looks up at Bill, open-mouthed.

“You’re just,” Bill says, before laughing shakily. “You were the only thing I could see. So I had to start drawing the space around you. To cope, you know.”

Stan’s heart is thudding. He’s genuinely, for the first time in his life, speechless. Which is saying something, given how long he’s known Richie Tozier.

Bill flicks the pages of the sketchbook from tonight to the very back, and there’s Stan’s face, staring back at him. He’s grinning to the side, amusement in his eyes, and every line of it is so fond, so carefully rendered, that Stan’s heart genuinely hurts.

“Bill,” Stan says, and he doesn’t know what he’s saying. That he gets it, maybe. That his eyes find Bill in every room. That he fell in love with everything Bill drew tonight, that to see the way Bill sees him blows him completely away.

“I didn’t mean to drop this all on you,” Bill says, running his hands through his hair. “I just. Couldn’t stand the idea of you thinking you didn’t matter.”

Stan’s hands snake out and capture Bill’s. Bill glances up at him, eyes wide. Behind them, Stan can hear Eddie shouting something about an octopus—Richie must be having his turn—but Stan wills away those noises.

“You’re the first person I look for in any room,” Stan says, and when Bill’s breath hitches, Stan squeezes his hand. “You’re always the first thing I see.”

Bill looks like he’s been struck by lightning. “God,” he breathes. “We’re so fucking stupid.”

Stan huffs. “Okay, no. Richie and Eddie are idiots. Ben too. We’re just... mildly moronic.”

“Mildly moronic?” Bill sounds like he’s trying not to laugh.

“I mean, we sorted it out in one conversation,” Stan says, ignoring the way his stomach is fluttering. “They’re all going to need at least three. Mike’s the only one I trust.”

Bill really does laugh then, and he’s sliding his chair forward, and Stan’s breath hitches. “Mike’s the smartest one of us all,” he agrees, speaking into the small space between them.

“Richie is so fucking clever, and yet,” Stan murmurs into the space between, and is it getting smaller...?

“No braincells,” Bill sighs, and then he’s sighing it into Stan’s mouth, and Stan was so wrong earlier, when he thought he’d never see what it looked like for Bill Denbrough to look at him like he meant to kiss him.

(When they separate, Stan’s flushed and Bill’s ears are red. The noise is still coming from the charades crew—Bev’s the one acting it out now—but Richie catches Stan’s eye, waggling his eyebrows, but the beam on his face is sincere, and the thumbs up he gives Stan completely genuine. Stan rolls his eyes back, but can’t stop the smile spreading across his face, least of all when he meets Bill’s gaze again, and sees the giddy grin on the taller boy’s face.)

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nochanchu · 5 years ago

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more than this

pairing: park jimin x reader (unnamed oc) genre: college au | romance, not really drama drama but it’s internal, theme of pining, includes alcohol mention and player!jimin wc: 3,101 description: [based on number seven of this prompt list] Jimin struggles to express his feelings—it’s a given for such a frivalous lifestyle—but she makes it so hard and so easy to crave something else, something more.

It’s a chance meeting. Nothing more, nothing less.

Jimin knows how this interaction will go. He will talk to her, she will engage him in some witty repertoire, probably flirt back just a teensy bit, then before he can seal the deal, she will shut him out and wrap up her defenses as high as New York’s skyscrapers just to keep herself safe. It’s admirable, endearing actually, that she doesn’t fall into him, that she fires back responses with a curve to her lips and a hand on her hips, because when someone as divine as she gives him the time of day, he can hardly contain himself from returning with a measured grin and hazy eyes filled with interest and a dash of curiosity.

There’s something about her, he has often noted. She doesn’t care about him or his reputation. She doesn’t care for his dyed red hair or his piercings. Hell, she doesn’t comment on any of it, lest he tries to cross the platonic boundary with some teasing suggestions, then she reminds him of his previous flings with a raised brow and a pursed lip. It’s an effective way for him to shut up—something she has prided herself in for the last few months—and it makes him wonder how he has done it. He’s used to Yoongi shutting him up. Sometimes even the jeers of his friend group easily silencing him, but it’s good-natured and sometimes well-deserved. But her? When she shuts him up, he feels like he has done something wrong, like he’s playing with a boundary that can’t be crossed with that method, and yet in all his fucked up experience, he isn’t even sure how he can bridge the gap with just a simple, “Hi, how are you?”

It’s not him. Not anymore. He doesn’t know how to fucking function in normal relationships. What is normal anyway? Is it giving her flowers before a date? Walking up to her doorstep and watching her walk inside? Is he supposed to wait to kiss her or does he just do it because it feels right? When he takes her to the restaurant, is he supposed to open the door for her? How about the car—

He shakes his head at the thought, heaving a long and drawn out sigh along the way. Because he doesn’t fucking know. He has no clue at all. That part of him—the oh-so-romantic side—is long gone, and whatever conception he has left of love is nothing more than phone number exchanges at his frat parties, overnight stays in his bed or theirs and a few dark splotches as a temporary reminder, and the faint recollection of what may have transpired before he is back to step one, if you can even call any of that shit love, that is.

When she sees him, she throws a coy smile in greeting.

Jimin does the same, waiting for her usual jabs.

“This is a first,” she casts an up and down look at him. “No one’s hanging off your arm or sucking on your face.”

There it is, he thinks, feeling a little nauseous at the thought. He hopes he sounds as nonchalant as he thinks he does. “Is that an expectation for me?”

“Isn’t it for all you fuckboys?”

He sighs, a part of him already resigned to the label she has been keen on reminding him of since the two of them first met.

On any normal day, Jimin probably would’ve enjoyed this sort of thing. His own notoriety preceding him well if anyone knew him. Their crowds ran in different circles. Greek life meets org life. Which isn’t much different from one another, if not for the fact that she was the one making shit the Juneteenth happen while he made beer pong, mild hazing, and the frequent stomp performance at Rush Week a thing. It was inevitable for the two of them to meet, and yet it only happened when he found her moving in on his floor as his second year of being an RA.

“I suppose it is,” he replies before a sip of his beer. The bitter taste is without even a hint of the citrus fruits that were promised at the start of the night, though even as the alcohol dissipates into his system, he still feels that bitterness when he realizes that it isn’t the beverage bugging him.

Perhaps he should, instead, say that if this were with anybody else, then he wouldn’t have minded being withered down to a simple fuckboy status. But because this is her—the very active presence in the background of his thoughts with your kind, inquisitive smile and witty quips that get him to flush with laughter—he is bothered at himself than anything else.

She tilts her head at him and asks, “What’s wrong?”

He catches himself before he can ask how she knows something’s up, because he isn’t sure how he would respond. Truthfully, he doesn’t want to admit to the truth that has been bubbling up inside him like Coca-cola fizz, or the result of an extremely bad hangover. The aftermath is far from pretty, jarring even if she hasn’t suspected anything from him.

“Nothin—” Her glare stops him.

“You’re terrible at bullshitting, Jimin. I hope you know that.”

“I’m just tired,” he says, hoping to convince her (and himself), but he would take anyone’s belief right now. He would arguably appreciate one of his idiotic frat brothers coming over to steal him away, so he won’t have to face this reality.

“Let’s go then.”

“What?” he blurts out, unsure if he heard her correctly.

She grabs onto his arm before he can say another word, already taking a few steps before tripping over herself. He reacts quickly, of course. Her own body now leaning against him as he navigates her both out of the too-warm house and into the cool, crisp air outside. It swarms them both and whisks away the smell of sweat and booze as they both walk down the street toward the dormitories. He almost can’t believe she isn’t pulling away. In fact, he almost goes into shock when she actually gravitates back to him when he tries to create distance between them.

“Stay here. I might trip and die if you keep leaving me,” she says with a small frown.

Jimin swears it’s actually a pout, but her pouting is an image he never thought he would live to see. Because while they both often talked casually, the space she puts between them is intentional. By disallowing him the privy of seeing her in any other aspect but surface, it is to make sure he knows that she has no intentions of falling for his charms and becoming one of his many fling casualties. He has long since accepted this, conditioning himself to the quips and the distance if only to remain in her life. It’s kind of pathetic. He never would’ve thought he would be like this with someone, walking on eggshells and still hoping to have a moment longer with them, but she makes it easy for someone like him.

“Are you sure you want me walking you home? I thought you didn’t trust fuckboys like me.” He doesn’t mean to sound so self-deprecating, but he figures he can pass off his behavior as being tipsy whenever she confronts him about it.

But she surprises him yet again when she doesn’t. Instead she shrugs with a sway as each steps on the blemished gravel makes a steady path harder.

“You’re my RA. Shouldn’t I trust you?” There’s a twinge of sarcasm laced between her words, but he knows the semblance of truth is still there. Even if he has to squint to see it.

“Well, true...” When she stumbles into his bicep, a realization strikes him as quickly as her cheek does and he has to make sure to be extra careful when walking with her. He’s dense as hell, so he has to ask to make sure. “Hey, are you drunk?”

“No!” She tries to tell him with a straight face, but a peal of laughter escapes past her lips, making his heart beat out of pace and into some sputtering wreck. “Yeah, okay. A little.”

Of course, she’s drunk.

Considering she has never really let him stand this close to her (something he has respected), it should’ve clicked before, what with her stumbling out of the house and clinging onto him like a lifeline. Normal circumstances would’ve put them at a whole meter distance instead of this millimeter one. Nor would he have an opportunity to walk with her unless it happened by chance. And, he doesn’t mind at all, really walking with her is its own bonus to keeping her safe.

Jimin’s only concern right now is getting her back to her dorm, away from the danger that lurks on dark, empty streets, from the copious amounts of booze offered at every corner of his frat house, and most of all, his brothers either lurking about to spill his dreaded secret or just to flirt to get a response out of him (though it would’ve also been out of their own prerogatives as well). He hates to think that there’s some need to stake claim to her, because he just can’t see that with her, or anyone really. He’s never been that territorial kind of guy, as raunchous as his reputation precedes him, things just happen. Perhaps there’s a game of hard-to-get, but too much hard isn’t his forté, nor is too easy either. He likes the middle ground, where there’s a push-and-pull, an equilibrium of sorts that can subdue and enthrall him all the same; where he’s more himself than just bits and pieces conjured at times that necessitate certain him’s; where as shitty as he feels, he can still somehow feel better, even in situations where he is simply walking back home. He likes, well, her.

It’s such a stupid thought when he reiterates to himself that she isn’t just anybody to him, because no fucking shit she isn’t just anybody. To anyone at all. She’s a godsend, a damn gift, a person that—if he ever had to guts to say—makes him want to connect, to finally bridge a gap with someone that hasn’t been his friend for more than five years, because he loves his friends. They’re the best people in his life. But her? She holds down her own tier, effortlessly.

He realizes they’re both almost back at the dorm, her room, to be very exact. He’s disappointed at not having been able to talk to her, but he blames his mouth’s current inability to open and create sound. He wishes to brave that jump and just let her hear what his heart wants him to finally say. But when he looks at her underneath the bright fluorescent lights, he suddenly finds any and all words caught and jumbled in his throat like a bad traffic jam on a three-day weekend. He just can’t stop looking at her. Like really looking at her. It isn’t her constant rejection that bugs him, or even her at all, it’s what he knows she sees that really gets to him.

“What?” They both seem to say, breaking away the faintest of tension in the air. He laughs and so does she.

The more he urges himself to speak, the less he feels brave enough to do so. Even though a part of him wants to hear the truth so he can finally get over this, another doesn’t want to. That part would rather live in the suspense and hope for reciprocation.

“You look like you want to say something,” she points out. Her gaze flickers over his visage with careful consideration, though it looks more adorable with the small pout adorning her lips. He can’t say this is the first time he’s seen her like this, but that memory is faint and fading in favor of this new one. Whether it’s good or bad makes him even more nervous. “Jimin, spit it out.”

“I—” He pauses. “You’re still drunk right?”

She snorts, giving a nod as she leans against your door. “That can’t fade in a ten-minute walk, J. Why?”

“Okay, good… I wanna ask you something then.”

“Is it another pick-up line? Because, c’mon now, those are getting old. At this point, they’ve become keep away sirens like ‘wee-woo, fuckboy alert! Wee-woo!’” He can’t tell if she’s joking. He wants to say yes, but the joviality in her eyes barely matches the fatigue in her tone, and the reality of rejection seems to sink in more than ever.

“No, not that,” he says in a small whisper.

“What then?” She tilts her head, either out of curiosity or increasing sleepiness.

For obvious reasons, he expects the words to refuse to come. His courage dissipating alongside them. He doesn’t want to face reality with her, he prefers the comfort of the usual, he likes her jabs and their banters, he likes being this close without being too close, and even though he hates the unknown, he likes not knowing whether she likes him back or not.

“I’d been planning on saying this for a while, but…” He shakes his head, instead he says, “It’s nothing. Have a good night, okay?”

She blinks, unsure of what to make of the sudden change probably. “Are you sure?”

He nods. “I’ll just wait until you get in, and I’ll leave you be for the rest of the night.”

She softly says okay, fumbling with her keys but managing.

Jimin watches as she gets inside, he swears she pauses and it looks like she has more to say but seems to decide against it, and instead an exchange of small waves passes between them before she shuts the door.

He can suddenly breathe properly then.

Maybe next time.

Next time finds its way to him the following morning.

She sent him a text just to see if Jimin was awake and she came knocking not too long afterwards. The know is a simple beat, one of which she came up with for the sole purpose of having someone to corroborate a potential alibi with, not that any of the other RAs have ever cared. But it was something Jimin and she shared, and it was something he was grateful for nonetheless.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, just as she did last night but this time sober.

He opens his mouth before shutting it immediately, falling prey to the hard stare she gives him.

“No bullshitting, Jimin.”

He steps aside to let her in. She takes perch on his desk, while he remains leaning against the now shut door. His nerves are bubbling back up again, but there is no escape this time.

“I know there’s something on your mind. You were so… quiet last night, even brooding you has more to say than you did last night, so as your friend, someone that knows you were running away from something—I have no idea what—please talk to me. You sounded like you had something to say, but you didn’t and I’m both curious and concerned to hear it.”

“Can you be honest about something with me?” he asks softly. He sits on his unmade bed and meets her eyes. Despite how much he would love to read into the fact that she caught on to how odd he was acting, he chalks that up to her being the observant person that she is, not a testament to feelings she probably isn’t harboring for him.

She nods.

“Am I just a fuckboy to you? It sounds ridiculous aloud, but with all the jabs you throw my way, it makes me wonder if that’s the only way you see me. I get it, I definitely deserve it. My reputation and all that precedes me. But it’s hard when I hope you might see me otherwise… I guess, if that makes any sense.”

He says all this with a wandering eye, the bulletin board with photos of his friends and family looking a lot less intimidating to even the awfully patterned carpet.

“See you otherwise…” she repeats, catching his attention with clearing her throat. “Jimin, do you want to know how I really feel about you?”

“Yeah, of course.”

She smiles a little. “I think you’re a great guy. Surprise, surprise right? I mean why else would I hang around you? You’re funny and sweet for the most part, and what you did last night stuck with me well into the night, because if I thought you were just like any other fuckboy on this campus, I would’ve accepted a walk home from any one of my other friends willing to do it. I wouldn’t have asked what was bothering you, in fact I was hoping you’d tell me on the walk, but Jimin, you didn’t try to make a move on me like any other asshole who would’ve when I was drunk, and besides that… I feel very fond of you.”

Jimin is speechless. The shroud of uncertainty lifting like clouds parting to make way for the sun. He can’t help but break out into a large grin.

“Does that clarify a few things?”

“It does. Thank you,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “Holy shit.”

“Who knew you were so shy?”

He wants to scoff, but he can’t and they both know it. “I’m sorry, I’m shit at this kind of thing. I don’t know how to do the fairy tale kind of love. I thought I could once upon a time, but you know how that went—poorly—and here I am, struggling and trying. Even if this wasn’t an ideal confession, I want you to know that I feel very fond of you too, by the way.”

“None of this has to be fairy tale perfect, or well, Disney fairytale perfect. It can be Brothers Grimm perfect, sans all the death and gore. I don’t mind that you’re learning. I am too, alright? We can learn to get something right together. That sound good?”

“It sounds Disney fairytale perfect,” he says, and she snorts.

“Good, because I think Disney fairytale perfect entails that we deserve some non-dining commons breakfast food. Me, especially for coming here despite having been drunk last night.”

“How does breakfast at Black Bear Diner sound?”

“It’s a date, you ready?”

“With you, of course.”

He grabs his keys and shucks on a sweatshirt from his closet, her soon following suit, as they have the first of many dates.

#jimin scenarios #jimin fanfic #jimin angst #jimin fluff #jimin au #bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bts angst #bts fluff #bts au #jimin x reader #emwrites

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theorynexus · 5 years ago

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Fifty and Four sends us cresting over the hill, if we weren’t already. How long until we hit the bottom?

Oh ho? Jane’s perspective again, huh? ‘t’s been a while.

EEEHHHH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh, that is not good!

Rrrrgh, she does not need to be building up a habit like that! The consequences of such use are far too severe and unpredictable, even if you don’t consider the potential negatives to one’s psychological health. >.< Gosh... even with her Life aspect probably protecting her a little bit from its sugary after-effects, reading that makes me feel sick. > ~~~ <

Figures that a Cherub would be biased in favor of it. At least Alt!Calliope is willing distance herself and try to be objective, though.

***giggles uncontrollably, even though this honestly shouldn’t be funny***

Very politically-minded, but it also sortof sounds like the excuse-making that an addict would engage in, so I am not convinced that this is a legitimate argument. Yeah, shoring up your base is important, but doing something that could strongly alienate swing voters is not necessarily wise, either. I suspect she knows this too, but is in denial about the fact of the matter, because she enjoys the benefits of Trickster Mode too much. It is quite interesting that the human kingdom’s subjects appreciate it so much~

HAAAAA. Oh my fricking gosh, Alt!Calliope is a Cherub Supremacist! XD

(Sortof makes sense, based on the mindsets that were described in Aranea’s [?] talk about the Cherubs’ origins, though. Might be biologically-driven, honestly.) Also, it’s quite interesting to see Jane interacting with Alt!Calliope like that, but it is hardly unique or overly-noteworthy, all things considered... at least, most likely. Quite a few other characters have responded to narration in a similar manner.

... Honestly, I was about to freak out about the Juju getting covered in dirt and grime, but the way she tossed away probably significant keepsakes, trophies, or the like for the sake of honoring it is... quite disturbing, and speaks to a danger in her presumably worsening compulsion/habit. Though they might just be cookies.

Dirk displays surprising wisdom/good judgment, here, and amusingly alludes to the fact that his voice is being otherwise suppressed. His actually talking in a scene represents a nice sort of loophole, but not one by which he can utilize such control as he would otherwise be capable. ... And yes, her burning out is a very legitimate concern, which speaks to the fact that Dirk definitely+legitimately cares about the things that serve his purposes and/or agendas. They, he is willing to more gently guard, comparatively, it would seem.

It feels like this is a reference to something, probably from the 1980s or early 90s, but I can’t place my finger on it. Oh well.

This is very amusing, honestly.

Deeeeeerp. (Yet another example of why it is difficult to take his attempt at super-godhood seriously... or at least find it anything better than dreadful. Dirk is great at juggling many things at once, but not as great as he’d need to be. )

Oh, and I appreciate Jane’s concern for Dirk. She is indeed correct in saying that he is usually much better at it than my previous comment might have suggested. But I am not entirely being unfair, insofar as this is true: the greater the responsibility one wields, the greater the level of competence one must have in order to pass proper muster. He was failing in his attempt. I didn’t really give him all that much of a chance to sway me, honestly, but my own demeanor in dealing with him had nothing to do with the actual quality of his work.

This must be really concerning to Jane. And... honestly, yes he is. They are very, very similar. Dirk is just more obvious with his intelligence, more controlled, and more mature. They are both highly ambitious, crave challenges, enjoy art, have quite a bit of masculine pride, and have a shared appreciation for irony, riddles, and absurdist humor. Caliborn was likely very, very influenced by Dirk in particular, both of them received Yaldabaoth as their Denizen due to their personality and prowess, and both of them are highly manipulative men of questionable morality. Also, their sexual interests seem to be somewhat similar, but that is a debatable matter. Lord English has Lil’ Hal integrated as part of his soul, Lil’ Cal has played a profound part in both of their (multiple) life cycles. Finally: as of the Epilogue and his attempted control of the narrative seen therein, Dirk essentially has pursued the same goal that LE did: domination of Paradox Space through his will controlling the natural flow of events. Dirk and Caliborn are in truth extremely alike.

I do so very much like where this is going. It would seem that we will soon find out precisely what Dirk is planning. “Diminishes and ascends” has an interesting ring to it, as well. That red rifle: Is it the one that launches portals? Honestly, Dirk is indeed quite clever, by the way. He has the seeds of great potential. It’s simply that it has not fully bloomed, yet, and he is a little bit overly full of himself, and arrogant in what he believes he can do. And yes, he is indeed temperamental when people interfere with his plans, it seems.

There’s the scheming politician we’ve all been waiting for. Way to go, thinking in such calculated manners and considering backstabbing ones you care about, Jane. Somewhat petty, and certainly rather dangerous, all things considered (things are a bit more explosive, where gods are involved), but closer to the political ideal which I would hope for if she were to be portrayed as competent. (Of course, I am actually disgusted with that sort of behavior. It’s one of the things I dislike about politics. I’ll recognize that it at least paints her in a slightly better light than the previous samplings of her thought process and tactical capacity has; thus, I generally like and dislike where this is going.)

Yep. Angelic purity with sexual potency/desire. There has always been this sort of tension in Hope’s nature. Just like the fact that angels are, in Biblical texts, both symbols of terror and destruction as well as hope and salvation. All (almost all?) the important positive interactions with heavenly beings start with fear on the part of mortals, followed by a “Fear not!” to suggest they come in peace. Otherwise, they come bringing judgment and wrath, and thus don’t tend to bother much with formalities.

Is that sarcasm, Jane? If not, there’s certainly a heavy layer of irony. Do remember what just happened with Jane when she invited Jape Jake over for a friendly visit, not too long ago, my good audience members.

... ***twitches, and tries very hard to hold in the inappropriate laughter***

If only I had someone so dependable to tell me when I was not dwelling far enough into the land of Always Woke. Perhaps then I would be able to avoid the inevitable scandals that would result from Foot-in-the-Mouth-itis. Oh, wait, no politician can avoid being attacked for various probably minor accidents on their part as the populace naturally over-reacts to what honestly may not actually reflect their character so much as them being accident prone or ignorant? What’s that about manipulation of audio/video recordings for the sake of generating useful sound bites that might be used in an attempt to impugn the honor of any prospective candidate? Oh. I see. Thank you for that important bit of knowledge that I otherwise might not have had access to, imaginary adviser. (Note: I do not actually believe that one should try to be as careful as possible with regards to what one says; nor that one should ignore or scorn important social issues. I am utilizing exaggeration and mockery for the sake of comedy.) ... Alt!Calliope’s description of Dirk holding the rifle is quite elegant and beautiful.

This is indeed a beautiful irony, seeing the situation with regards to Dirk and Alt!Calliope’s tendencies toward bias being reversed.

***snickers*** Magnifique.

It is strange to see Alt!Calliope teasing and egging him on. It may be unintentional. Hard to say.

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jikooklaundryroom · 5 years ago

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Dry Pancakes

Gather around folks. It’s time to have an open and honest conversation about – yep you guessed it – Jimin and Jungkook and the behavior that mystifies the entire fandom. And notice I say Jimin and Jungkook, not Kookmin or Jikook, because this talk is less about them as a couple and more about them as individuals. A fair warning to everyone, only grown, competent adults are invited to this conversation. If you are a twelve-year old who wants to scream about top/bottom sex positions and Omega slick and Jeonlous tongue thing – please move on. This conversation is not for you. Adults will be talking here.

In this essay, I will NOT discuss Jimin and Jungkook as an intimate- romantic couple, or as boyfriends, or as domestic partners, or as husbands. In fact, those topics are so complex, that they will definitely need to be saved for another day. Lastly, the only time Tae will be mentioned is in this sentence because I plan to write a full separate tribute to this precious man so that I can properly call out how poorly he is treated and perceived because of shipping wars. Again, I give you fair warning, if this ain’t for you, move on because I can’t help you. OK? I am going to give you my honest opinion here and I won’t be nice about it. Pancakers, you should also be warned, you may be offended as well. I leave no stone unturned. Now that we have a proper filter in place, let’s get it.

The month of May gave us nauseating amounts of Jimin and Jungkook being seen together occupying each other’s space. For those of you have been living under a rock, I will do a quick break down of some of their time together: stage moments of laughing and teasing, stage moments of them comforting each other through difficult emotions (aka: the infamous ear sucking confusion), stage moments of them holding hands, sudden VLIVE, the two of them sharing a car, the two of them presumably sharing a hotel room, each one watching the other during rehearsals, the two of them watching fireworks, the elusive selca, the hand jockeying during the unboxing video and last but not least, the full day of sight-seeing they did with their friends in London. And of course, for every moment they DO spend together there is a sea of people who only care about the moments that they DON’T spend together. I’ll address both sides. Within this flurry of activity/inactivty, comes a flurry of narratives from different factions within the fandom attempting to define what is happening, attempting to brain wash the neutral observer into taking their side over others. These folks are literally and figuratively battling across social media to reign supreme in the war of narratives that explain Jimin and Jungkook.

Let’s break down some of these narratives and discuss why they are ALL bullshit shall we?

Narrative #1 -The “Bighit is forcing them to be together for publicity” crowd – This group thinks that everything that Jimin and Jungkook do is strictly for the sake of bringing publicity/attention to Bangtan. This shit has never made sense to me. Exactly what additional publicity does Bighit and Bangtan need? They just reached 20.2 million followers on twitter. They just won TWO Billboard music awards in America despite singing in only Korean. They’ve been announced as members of the Grammy Recording Academy, they received the Order of Cultural Merit award in South Korea, they spoke at the United Nations. They are the biggest boy band in the history of the world and if I am not mistaken they are currently on a sold-out stadium tour that has sold out over 600,000 seats in just ten shows. SO, tell me, what bitch doesn’t know who Bangtan is? Let’s pretend for a moment that Bangtan needed more publicity. What additional publicity would be achieved by insinuating a homosexual relationship between two members? Especially when you consider the vitriol that explodes when these two particular members are together. Do you really think that forcing Jimin and Jungkook into a touchy-feely spree will help Bangtan sell more CDs or get more YouTube views? If we consider how many homophones exist within the fandom, do you really think that highlighting the intimacy between Jimin and Jungkook would be viewed as positive and promote deeper engagement with the group? Absolutely not. Bighit is not encouraging Jimin and Jungkook to be fake gays for publicity. So again, I ask you, what additional publicity does Bangtan need? The answer is NONE; I think they’re good bro.

Narrative #2 - The “This is just fan service to satisfy the shipping culture” crowd – No other “ship” makes the fan more unhappy than Jikook. In fact, SNS explodes with negativity almost every single time that Jimin and Jungkook even breath near each other. Fans get extremely upset OR they ignore and refuse to acknowledge the interaction. So how can it be fan service if it pisses off the majority of the fans? Isn’t fan service supposed to make fans happy? I would go even further to say that Bangtan, Jimin and Jungkook in particular know full well how polarizing their interactions are for the fandom. Seems to me like they don’t give a fuck though. Fan service is to service the fans and give them what they want. They don’t seem to want Jimin and Jungkook as unit. And for those of you who think their relationship is manufactured to feed the pancakers out there, you’re mistaken and here’s why: Jimin and JK work very hard to avoid being caught or showing us too much. It is pretty common knowledge that most of their most intimate interactions are done AWAY from the cameras – a fact that we would never know if they didn’t accidently tell us. (“I go to Jungkook’s room at night when I can’t sleep because he also stays up late.” - Jimin) Often times, pancakers are VERY unhappy with the amount of interaction we get between Jimin and Jungkook and we are quick to yell foul if we aren’t “fed”. This once again proves my point, it is not fan service if it doesn’t please the fans.

Narrative #3 – The “We just don’t understand Korean culture “ crowd - Uuum what? Talk to K-Army and even they will tell you that the intimacy and togetherness between Jimin and Jungkook goes far beyond typical “fan service” or “cultural norm” that would be expected from the Korean culture. It also extends beyond typical friendly male behavior given their closeness. Westerners often get accused of “oversexualizing” Jimin and Jungkook or claiming something as homosexual because we “don’t understand” how Koreans interact. BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT. We know what we see. We know what K-ARMY has explained to us. We have taken the time to study the culture in Korea and talk with our fellow ARMY about Jimin and Jungkook. The conclusion is always the same; there is an entire relationship being played out in front of us and it is consistent, predicable and progressive. These interactions are not just fortuitous bits of circumstance by two friends. It is not just Korean culture.

Narrative #4 - The “Bighit is forcing them to be apart because they are too loud” crowd – Sorry Pancakes, but shut up. This has become a ready-made excuse for us pancakers whenever we don’t receive the interactions that we expect (demand, crave, obsess over). Do you realize how much influence Jimin and Jungkook have over their own choices? They are not mindless dummies who are mind controlled by their management. I will concede the fact that both of them are thoughtful and considerate of the feelings of the other members and they are also respectful of the wishes of management. So if either of the two entities gives them advice with regard to watching their proximity then YES, this could affect their natural behavior’s. You have that concession from me. But that is NOT WHY THERE ARE LULLS IN THEIR INTERACTIONS. Bighit management and Bangtan members are not playing some sadistic game of RED LIGHT – GREEN LIGHT with Jimin and Jungkook’s emotions. Think about how ridiculous this sounds to say to grown men, “Ohh well you two were too intimate and too loud and you could expose yourself so you better repress your natural instincts as best friends and then pretend that the other doesn’t exist.” And then conversely, “You two have behaved and been good boys, so now you are allowed to interact and act like you’re in love again.” If Bighit was trying to hide anything, they would shut it down completely, permanently - NOT IN RANDOM SPURTS. The two of them would be threatened beyond belief and I guarantee there would be contractual implications.

It is simply ridiculous, not to mention reductive to attempt to exercise that level of control over two rich, popular and very grown individuals. Guess what? It’s also impossible. Have you ever noticed that neither Jimin nor Jungkook are very good at following directions? If they are being told to stay away from each other, how come they never seem to do it? At best, they manage to tone things down for short periods, but inevitably they always go back to just being them. My fellow pancakers have even gone so far as to develop a theory that Bighit was keeping Jimin and Jungkook from ever doing VLIVES together. But just recently, we saw them splash tension all over the screen in a VLIVE between the two of them. If they were restricted from doing VLIVES, then why did they do one all of a sudden after a 2-year hiatus? Did Bighit suddenly change their mind and allow it? Of course not. There is a much simpler explanation and I will explain later.

Narrative #5 - The “They are just brothers, nothing they do is a big deal or any different from the rest of the members” crowd – Guess what? I actually agree with you, sorta’. So much of what Jimin and Jungkook do is the result of them being very close and loving friends who have been together forever. Even some of the gentler physical contact between the two is not exclusive to just them when compared to the other members. But the situation is not quite that simple is it? Brothers (not blood brothers) is just ONE of the many layers of the Jimin and Jungkook dynamic. There’s more, a lot more. I will come back to this one.

Hm. So if none of the prevalent theories above define the incongruent public intimacy of Jimin and Jungkook, then WHAT IS THE ANSWER? Simple. It’s called FREE WILL! No one, especially Pancakes with butter and syrup, want to ever admit that Jimin and Jungkook do exactly what they want to do. The reason they interact and the reason they don’t is because it’s what they want to do at that moment. They are exercising their FREE WILL. If Jimin and Jungkook don’t speak, it’s because they don’t want to. If Jimin and Jungkook don’t post on twitter, it’s because they don’t want to. If Jimin and Jungkook don’t post a selca, it’s because they don’t want to. If Jimin and Jungkook don’t do a VLIVE for two years, it’s because THEY DON’T WANT TO! There could be months that go by where they CHOSE not to let us into their private lives and we as Jimin and Jungkook supporters have to be accepting of that choice. Allow them to exercise their free will. In most cases, their free will is to self-manage their own interactions. Think about it this way – is everyday a good day for you? Probably not. Some of us have really good days and some of us have really bad ones. Our moods can be dictated by so many things such as: hunger, bad news, fatigue, negativity, irritation, anger, jealousy, illness, depression – so many things can affect how we feel and how we project our energy. These two men are no different. They are not immune to the emotions that plague the rest of us mere mortals. Travel with me for a moment as we reflect on just how much Jimin and Jungkook are together,

Sharing a car during transport to and from the airport

Sitting next to each other on the plane

Spending time outside of business schedules to attend personal events (movies, dinner, tours)

Visiting each other’s parents

Presumably living together

Presumably sharing hotel rooms when they travel

Working together

Practicing together

Filming together

Presumably engaging in intimacy together

Together- Together -Together –Together- Baam

That’s a lot of freaking togetherness. When we see them keep their distance, why are we surprised? It is clear that they are using their free will to be together MOST of the time and that is a sign of a very solid symbiotic relationship. So why can’t it be conversely true that they are also using their free will when they are apart? We pancakes are so quick to blame external forces when Jungkook and Jimin aren’t stuck to each other as opposed to blaming Jimin and Jungkook themselves. Personal growth can only occur when you broaden your horizons and experience new things, new environments, new opinions and new people. YES NEW PEOPLE. It is an exercise in self-care for them to be apart from time to time. We can’t and shouldn’t expect them to be together 24/7. It just isn’t healthy. I would say they live a well-rounded life when they can be happy apart but still prefer to be together. It’s beautiful. It you are truly a part of the Jimin and Jungkook nation, then your attitudes and opinions toward the strength of them individually or as a couple should NOT be predicated solely on what they do together and how often. Do I need to repeat that last sentence for the 14YOs who read this post even though I tried to filter you out? Just because the two of them don’t show us blatant interactions does not meant that is an indictment or indicator that the friendship/relationship/companionship/brotherhood is dead. Please stop posting fatalistic admonishments because their interactions are not timed according to your schedule. Let them live. Yes, I am saying that when we go through a pancake drought, it is because Jimin and Jungkook themselves want it to be that way. Not because they are being forced to do so.

Now let’s talk about the nature of their interactions by using myself as an example. I love my husband with all of my heart. He is truly my soul mate and we get along very well. Our relationship is so complex and has so many layers. We are friends, lovers, parents, mates, partners, business owners, even at times like siblings. So, when he and I interact, the definition of that interaction could fall within any of the categories that I just listed. It could be a friendly touch, or a sexual touch or a business partner touch – understand what I mean? The same is true with Jimin and Jungkook. Their interactions are highly conditional and must be reviewed within the context of the moment. Which means, when they are in friend mode and they hug, they honestly are just hugging as friends. Over hyping meaningless moments without placing it within proper context, makes pancakes look petty and delusional. Another example, when one is sucking the other’s ear – aww shit – I have no idea what category to put that in – but it ain’t friends – we need to hype the shit out of that one. That was a bad example. But you get my point. Moving on…

Let me make this really clear. Do you remember when you first fell in love with Bangtan? We fell so hard right? The music, the dancing, the talent, the fashion, the creativity, the visuals – we fell hook line and sinker. But there was more wasn’t it? Think back. There was soo much more. Yes my pancakes, we fell in love with their hearts. We fell in love with them as people. Above all, we fell in love with their AUTHENTICITY. You see, Bangtan was never fake. Bangtan never presented a closed-off image to us. They provided as much transparency and honesty as they possibly could, which was a HUGE change from what we were accustomed to seeing from KPOP artists (any artist really). They allowed us to have a real-world peak into their emotions, vulnerabilities and personalities. Bangtan’s authenticity is why we love them most and why we continue to love them. So when we see the love that exists between all seven of them, we know it’s real. Accordingly, there is an extreme affinity that Jimin and Jungkook have towards each other that cannot be faked. Even if they were being forced for publicity purposes to spend time together, they could not do it successfully unless there was already an underlying desire to be together. Furthermore, forcing someone to be together when they don’t want to be is paramount to torture and that would greatly affect the overall happiness and chemistry of the entire group. Imagine being forced to spend that much time with someone you don’t like. It also explains why we don’t see other couplings “forced” upon the members because it’s not natural. None of the members have a strong ability to vacate authenticity. They all truly exercise their free will.

And for my very last point, I want to talk a little tiny bit about the VLIVE (again). I have insisted throughout this rant that Jimin and Jungkook were never prohibited by Bighit from doing a VLIVE together. So why the 2-year hiatus? I think the explanation is pretty simple. As we saw, it is very difficult for the two of them to maintain “composure” when they are together. They show us so much when they fully intend to show us nothing. They are acutely aware of how they appear on camera – which is why I argue that their two-year hiatus was self-imposed. Think about how hard it must be in that intimate setting, sitting that close, talking that freely to repress their natural instincts to touch, or call each other pet names or possibly even kiss. It’s like freaking impossible. So why risk it? It is so much easier to just keep themselves out of that situation and instead watch each other do the VLIVES from off camera. As we know, even when one of them is off camera, they still freaking flirt. Imagine if they were both in front of the camera on a consistent basis. This goes back to my theory on free will. I honestly believe that these two are being very smart to exercise their free will to stay away from Jikook VLIVES.

I have probably not changed anyone’s mind and you will likely continue to incessantly spew your narrative, whatever it is. But for those of you who are a bit more open-minded, I hope you found some insight as well as clarity in my words. Here’s to loving our seven boys and obsessing over two of them.

So in conclusion, I have concluded. Thank you. Love you Pancakes – don’t be mad, k?

#laundryroommusings #jikook #kookmin #PancakeQueenRamblings

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