#but i cant give myself rest until i can see that she lives again | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bonny-kookoo · 4 years ago

Text

Sing to me: JJK x Reader 🔞

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Mermaid AU, Siren!Jungkook, Prince!Jungkook, homeless!Reader, Romance, Smut duh

Wordcount: 5k (medium)

Tags/Warnings: okay so, spoiled kook, possessive kook, Theres literally an attempted murder lol, drowning? whoops, blood oh no, reader is hella fucking dense ok, biting, courting lol, fish boy is in love, whoops, anyways we got sexy times too, because in this AU fishboy got legs n all of that hah, unprotected sex because, guys pls this ain't supposed to he realistic, wrap it before you tap it folks, its also not all that filthy lol, blink and you'll miss the scene, honestly I didn't include much smut because yall nasty so you will ask for dirty drabbles anyways, not that I mind lol, k I'm done I think, wow mom I've sinned less than usual..

Summary: Help me love myself, and I might learn to love you as well.

Or alternatively: you save Jungkook from being killed, and he totally gets the wrong signals. But he's cute, so its fine. Probably.

Jungkook is floating.

He thinks about what lies above the waves, and cant think of anything he really finds interesting. The surface is littered in junk, in things humans leave behind without thinking twice about it. It's air is thick and stuffy, hard to breathe and never clear at all. It's crowded, with creatures who at the end of the day all look the same in his eyes. There's nothing exciting about the world people walk on.

Its boring, and dirty.

His own home is, compared to that, a kingdom radiating like the moon itself. It shines and sparkles, and harbors some of the most beautiful creatures ever to be found. He and his family, as well as everyone else, live in peace with nature down underneath the waves, existing side by side instead of trying to gain the upper hand all the time.

And he's reminded of the cruelty of man, when he finds himself caught in a net.

He's somehow made the fishermen drop it instead of pulling him up on their boat. But that doesn't mean he's free- he's still struggling with it, fighting it, but he cant rip it apart. All he does really, is tie the knots tighter, have them dig into his skin until spots are rubbed raw. He can't really swim anywhere at this point, gives up as he can see the last lights of his distant home fade into the distance.

Jungkook is floating.

He's slowly being led by the waves, by the love of wind and waters, as he closes his eyes. Its a pity, really; for a prince held so high to die by the mere hands of the poor, he thinks. It's upsetting him, very much so, but he takes it as it is. There's nothing he can do anyways, as he slowly comes into contact with the sand below. It washes him up onto short, the dry sand sticking to his body, waves pushing him higher and higher onto the ground.

He shivers, the cold outside air biting at his skin now unsheltered and defenseless.

He doesn't know how long he lays there.

But at some point, steps are heard on the sand. He keeps his eyes closed, doesn't care about what will happen next- he really just wants to have it be over by now, the ropes already painfully burning his skin at certain spots. He's sure theres sand in his wounds as something touches him- warm fingers, hesitant, and almost shy.

He keeps his eyes closed.

"My god, I hate humans.." You mutter under your breath, your voice hitting his ears, making him notice the way it sounds. He thinks it sounds very similar to some of his kind; sirens being blessed with voices sweet and enchanting. Maybe you were one of the strays who had decided to live on the surface for some reason? But your smell was entirely human, although much sweeter and pleasant than anyone he'd met before. And then, after a small short moment of pain-

He's free.

His arms flop to his side, and he breathes in deeply- finally able to fully move again. His eyes open, and adjust to the night for a moment, before they meet yours.

How interesting.

"Jungkook?" Jimin asks him, curious to what has gotten the young Siren so occupied. Typically, Jungkook would be watching the annual kingdom dances with at least some form of interest; even if it was just a glimpse of it, just to make his parents worry less about him misbehaving. But today, as the graceful dancers move around to the orchestra playing, the young prince is absolutely not there. At least not mentally. "Jungkook." The older one scolds, getting Jungkooks attention- his gaze hard and annoyed. "Please, young prince- at least try to pretend you're interested. This is after all part of our culture." He strategically uses his title as teasing- something which makes Jungkook snort without any fun.

"I really don't want to be here." He explains, and Jimin sighs. "I'd rather be at the surface.." He mumbles, being careful not to be too loud- but Jimin does pick it up, and so does his partner, Taehyung, next to him- now leaning a bit forward to hear better.

"Oh?" Jimin asks. "What could be of interest there, I wonder?" He teases, and Jungkook grows even more irritated.

"Nothing that should interest a whore like you." He says harshly, though Jimin knows he means no harm with it. Jimin is, after all, a man who enjoys the simple pleasures in life- which is why he can't quite grasp why Jungkook, a young man in his prime like himself, doesn't seem to care about whats going on around him.

"Hm, but I think she must be absolutely divine if you're willing to risk the wrath of your own mother just to see her." He says, and Taehyung snickers next to him, clearly amused.

But to both of their surprise, Jungkook grows.. calm. Theres even a glimpse of a smile on his lip as he rests his head on his head, elbow on the armrest of his throne. "That she is." He says, quietly, as he watches the young woman in front of him. He has to imagine you there instead, moving oh so gracefully to the sounds of his Kingdom's greatest musicians- dressed in the most beautiful gown he'd gift you. "That she is.." He repeats, a dreaming look on his face that Jimin has not seen before.

Jungkook watches you.

He enjoys watching you on your daily trips to the beach, picking up cans and bottles, and other things people throw away without care. You're cleaning up the beach, and he thinks its a very good behavior- he likes the way you always carefully scan the ground and sides for any garbage. He swims a little closer as he spots you squatting down; eyes lighting up as you pick up a shell he'd personally not care much for. It's slightly pink- but nothing he hasn't seen in his life. They're so common, and he suddenly thinks that if this already makes you happy, what if he was to bring you something else? Something better, something more worth your attention?

He feels a rush of excitement.

Dashing into the opposite direction, he makes his way towards the ground below, eyes scanning the ground as he searches for something. He spots it after a few minutes of searching, but when he holds the pearl, he hesitates.

Its not enough.

No, that's not what you should get. He's only paying back his dept, yeah, that's what he's doing. But what if he was overdoing it by bringing you something too expensive or rare? No, he should be smart about it, yeah. Start small, and work your way up he thinks, as he takes the pearls he's collected while deep in thought, and pushes himself back to the top, swimming easily. He hopes you're still there-

And there you are, dipping your feet into the water.

He looks at what he can see; only able to see clearly underneath the waves rather than above. There's a bracelet hanging around your ankle, and it looks cheap, he thinks. It only helps him by giving him ideas for his next gifts- if you would accept his first, that is. He's never been rejected before, but then again, has always rejected instead. Nothing had interested him to the extend you did. Maybe you really were of his kind, secretly.

When he slowly brings his head up the waves, you don't get scared, or flinch. You simply look, spot him, and smile.

He likes that expression.

He comes closer, free hand helping him onto the stone you sit on, his hand holding your gift eagerly pushing against yours. You understand quickly, and open them, and he smiles. You're smart, he notes, and it only adds to your qualities, he thinks. Dropping the pearls, your eyes sparkle again- as they should, he thinks with pride. You inspect them with big eyes, as if you've never seen something alike. He enjoys your reaction- and you nod at him. "Thank you- are they for me to keep?" You ask, pointing to them, and then at your chest. He's not fully fluent in human language, but has picked up on some words and phrases, since Seokjin had recently strayed- teaching him some stuff whenever he got bored and visited his younger brother.

So Jungkook nods. "You." He says, and you like the sound of his voice; fittingly just as handsome as the rest of him, you think. But then again- his kind is known for its beauty and enchanting voices. "Keep." He tells you, pushing your closed palm a bit closer to your body as if to underline his statement. You think its cute, in a way.

"Okay." You say. "I'll keep them-?" You ask, and he doesn't understand, until you point to yourself, and say a name- yours, he supposes.

"Ah-" He starts, pointing to himself. "Jungkook. Jeon, Jungkook." He tells you, and you nod, smiling.

"It's nice to meet you, Jeon Jungkook." You smile, and he grins back, slightly sharpened canines in stark contrast with his bunny-like smile.

He thinks its nice to meet you too.

"But you're a witch, aren't you?" Jungkook argues, staring at Taehyung. "I thought you were all so capable." He challenges, and Taehyungs eyes darken- quite literally, since sea witches do technically have black eyes- but conceal them, as to not scare off people. He regains his composure however when Jimins hand lays on his shoulder.

"Now now, no need to become huffy." He says. "He didn't say he can't do it- he simply told you that its not that easy." He explains, and Jungkook sighs, rolling his eyes. Ever the spoiled prince, they think to themselves.

"I don't care about that." He states. "Can you do it, or can you not?" He asks, and Taehyung thinks for a moment.

"I.." He begins, before he sighs. "I can. But, there's a catch, Jungkook." He tells him, and this time, the youngest of the group seems just as serious as he listens. "I can't promise that.. the result will be what you will expect." He says.

"What do you mean?" Jungkook asks.

"There's a chance she won't survive it."

He doesn't think much about why you're so often sitting on that rocky structure close to the deep- he likes not having to get out of the water to be close to you. And you think, Jungkook is quite the interesting being.

He’s curious; that much you can tell. His hands rest on your knees, your toes sometimes brushing against his abdomen as he swims closer- face coming forward to properly look at you. His vision must be bad outside of the waters you assume, his brown eyes squinting in concentration until he huffs and let’s himself back into the waters. You chuckle, and simply take off your jacket, slipping into the water as well as you control your breath- his entire face brightening at your body now underwater in his world, finally clear to see for his eyes.

You’re pretty, he thinks, definitely prettier than any other human he’d encountered before. The clothes covering your breasts and private parts a bit dull and boring for his taste- but he’d change that soon. He smiles, happy, before holding up his finger as if to signal for you to wait before he swims away, elegantly and fast. You swim up to breath some air, catch your breath, until there’s a hand around your calf, holding, fingers running over the skin, signaling you to come down again. You follow his question, taking a deep breath to meet him underneath the surface; his excited hands wrapping something around your neck, before he swims in circles as if he’s suddenly got too much energy. You point to yourself, as if to ask if you can keep it- and he nods, wide eyes watching you with a smile that you can’t help but mirror.

You don't quite realize what he's doing.

He however thinks you know. You know that he's courting you, and you're interested in him. You know that he's just given you more than a simple gift. He only believes you're letting him work for it- something he happily does, taking on the challenge as always. He swims closer, holds your shoulders, as his eyes look into yours, his gaze happy and child-like almost. He's close to finally showing you affection- but you suddenly swim to the surface instead.

And even though he knows you only wanted to breathe, he can't help but feel slightly sour at the ruined moment.

"You're awfully happy these days." His mother says, watching her son in the gardens of the palace. "May I ask what has gotten you in such a bright mood?" She asks, and Jungkook doesn't quite know how to break it to her. He knows its not forbidden, knows it has, and does, happen each and every day it seems- but there's still fear inside of him. Theres still hesitation, even though he is not ashamed of what has happened- of what he has done. His mother however notices. "You know you can trust me, right?" She says, and he nods.

Its now or never.

"I've found a mate." He says, and his mother smiles warmly, holding his cheek as she kisses it in congratulation. "Its a human." He says, quietly, hurried- but his mother continues to smile.

"I have suspected as much." She states. "Your friend- Park Jimin- is not very good at talking quietly." She snickers, and Jungkook curses under his breath about how he wants to strangle him. Theres a huge weight lifted off of him however; finally having said it, made it very real to him, in a way- even though it was already.

Because, after all; you were wearing his kingdom's sigil around your neck already. He had claimed you.

He's restless the next time he swims to the shore to meet you again- eager to see you to give you the news of his family's acceptance.

You're late- later than usual, and his brows are furrowed, mood upset at your mannerism. You're usually always on time, always just as eager to see him he thinks- but this time, you're not there. After his anger however, he grows increasingly worried instead. What if something had happened to you instead? Oh what a bad person he would be to be mad at you for getting into an unfortunate situation. As guilt slowly makes his way into his body, claims his muscles, he moves to sit on the stone he usually finds you on. He tries to look around- rain on his skin making it possible to be out way more comfortably.

He spots movement above.

Theres a person he can't make out- throwing something off the cliff down into the sea, and Jungkook clicks his tongue in anger, already upset- but still curious on what it was the person had been so eager to discard. Typically, its tiny things or plastic he finds- but this is something else, he knows.

Underwater, he smells blood.

His pupils contract, eyes widening, as he spots the black bag slowly making its way to the bottom of the sea- red trail leading from it. Its not the blood however that makes him frantic- its the smell of it, of you, that stops his heart.

He gets you out the bag, his anger over the entire situation diminishing into nothing as he holds you close, eyes spotting the deep cut on your side, and the scratches on your face. Unsure where to bring you, he holds you close, brings you onto his back as one of his hands hold yours, your arms around his neck. He swims quickly to the only place he knows you can breathe.

The underwater cave is big enough for now, he thinks, as he brings your body onto the ground, out the water. He doesn't notice he's crying, doesn't quite speak, his native language of clicking sounds and little noises escaping him as he whines out for your attention, waiting for you to wake up somehow. He's been so invested in making you like him and accept him that he's got no idea what to do with a human. Are you cold? How can he warm you up? How does he stop bleeding wounds? How much can you bleed before you die? Are you already dying?

Jungkook doesn't know what to do. So he simply lays by your side, holding you close, in hopes his slightly higher body temperature can keep you warm.

"He's doing the best he can-" Jimin says, Seokjin next to Taehyung as they both lean over your body. Both witches are concentrated, already exhausted, but there's no way they're giving up on you now. Not only because you're important to Jungkook- but because no one deserves to simply die like this.

"I know, I know!" Jungkook huffs out, pupils turned into cat like slits- a clear sign of the absolute terror and chaos inside of him. "What if they're best isn't good enough? Jimin, I can't loose her, you don't understand-" He starts, but Jimin holds the younger one's shoulders, for the first time serious with him.

"I do." He glances at Taehyung. Jimin had saved Taehyung before as well- the young sea witch having been hit by a fisherman's harpoon years ago. Ever since then, Jimin had been attached to the witch like glue. "Trust me, I really do. And they're doing all they can to make sure she's going to be fine." He promises, and Jungkook nods.

All he can do is pray.

When you wake up, there's several things you notice.

First, you're alive. Having a raging headache, and your limbs and muscles feel horribly tender, but you're alive. There's also strings of rope tied to two rock formations acting like a clothing line, several blankets and clothes hanging from it. They don't look human-made to you- the fabrics and designs not something you would think of as regular. There's a bucket and several stained rags- now copper-brown with old blood. Its then that you look down, seeing your cut sewed shut.

You also notice its rather soft underneath you.

Its sheepskin laid over seaweed you notice- the whool soft and fluffy, and warm. Everything seems to be so thoughtfully placed, even some decorative items- you can spot fireflies casually sitting in a jar close by, and burned wood, probably to . Probably to make light during the night. You're tired however, so you simply lay down again. Quite honestly, surely you should fee worried about the situation- but then again, there was no one to miss you, no place you called your home anyways. No use in worrying- because deep down, you had your suspicion.

A Jungkook swims to the surface with the plastic box in his arms, he's careful not to throw it too hard onto the ground. As he steps out the water, he's sure to at least try and his his hands of most the water before he goes to check on the blankets he had brought this early morning. They've dried enough, he notices, and is glad about that, as he picks one up.

You don't have to be cold anymore, he thinks.

He's unnaturally careful for his typical character- his usual behavior quite the opposite as it was now. Now, he's making sure you're properly tucked in, as he notices your eyes watching him.

He freezes, for a moment.

Jungkook hasn't really thought much about what would happen if you were to wake up- after all, Seokjin had told him he was unsure if you were to wake up this early in the first place, and Taehyung didn't even know if you would wake up at all. He'd told his younger brother to be prepared for any reaction really; fear, confusion, maybe even anger. But you seem calm, curious even, and Jungkook decides to sit down in front of your face, waiting.

"You brought me here, right?" You ask, and he nods, eyes not leaving your form.

"You-.. hurt." He points to the spot where your wound had been. "Also hurt." His hand points to your head. "Brothers, helped." He informs you, and you smile, nodding at his words. He suddenly looks at the ground, mumbling. "I.. worried. Thought... you, dying." He tells you, and you sit up slowly again, keeping the blanket around your shoulders.

"I'm not dead though." You say, and he nods. "Thank you, Jungkook. Now we're even." You say, and he tilts his head in confusion- a mannerism you could only think of as cute. "I saved you- you saved me." You say, and he smiles, nodding.

"I-" He starts, leaning forward a bit, now way more energetic and lighthearted as before. "I- we-" He growls a little in frustration, and you cant help but giggle at his troubles- the chirps and clicks escaping him foreign- but somehow, they feel hazy, as if your mind knows the language, but has forgotten what it meant. He's trying so hard you notice, and appreciate. "You like here?" He asks, and points around. You nod, and he beams at you. "I made." He tells you, proudly so.

"I guessed as much. Its very thoughtful of you, thank you." You say, and he nods, happy you like what he did for you. Its not a permanent solution, obviously, but as soon as you're healed well enough, he already planned a new spot for you to come with him.

You just don't know it yet.

There's a weird feeling inside of you.

It's like homesickness, you think. Every time you look at the waters, you feel- sad? It's making you uneasy, and with every day passing by, it just gets worse and worse. But it's today, that you cant take it.

When you dip your legs into the water, it soothes an ache you can't recognize ever having. It helps your skin, it somehow feels as if you're breathing again. But It's not enough, you think- before you let yourself fall into the deep end.

You're floating.

It's like leaving a stuffy and crowded mall, just to stand in a park, fresh air after it had rained, and light breeze clearing your head. Everything is silent, but not at the same time- the water around you feeling as if you're being hugged, held. It makes you relax, makes you let go, makes you only exist for a moment.

You're floating.

And there's a sudden wave of realization that you're also breathing. There's no water in your lungs- or maybe there is, and you just don't feel it being there. Darkness surrounds you as you don't know where you are exactly- theres no telling where is where, no way to know if you're upright or not. Maybe you've died?

Did you drown?

If you did, it would explain Jungkook being there. He's swimming towards you with a face full of worry, as he grabs your wrist and holds you close. "I can't even let you out of my sight for a mere day it seems, my love." He sighs, and your eyes widen. Its almost comedic how his own do the same, focusing on your neck, as he touches.

You're sensitive, and shift away from his touch.

"It-" He starts, now holding your shoulders, as he begins to smile. "It worked! It really did- by the dragon kind, you look absolutely divine!" He laughs, and can't help but hold your hands, eyes roaming your appearance, as you don't quite get it- until you follow his gaze.

Just like him, there's fins now on the sides of your calfs, smaller ones on your ankles as well. Theres also ones decorating your outer forearms- they look like the ones you'd always see on goldfish as a kid. There's something alike to scales as well, but barely noticable. "I- what happened to me?" You ask, and Junkook smiles.

"You.. almost died." He admits, taking your hand and swimming to what you assume is back towards the cave. "You had been robbed during the day, and when I found you.. well, you know what happened." He says. "While you were asleep, we were thinking about what to do. There was no way you would survive as a human- so, a friend of mine- Taehyung- performed a ritual, together with Seokjin, my brother." He says. You finally spot light, glad to be able to have at least some form of orientation. "I'm glad you're adjusting so quickly, my love." He states, smiling at you.

You notice the petname again.

"Jungkook-" You start, as you both reach the cave again, sitting on the edge of where the ground of the cave meets the water. "Why are you.. calling me that?" You ask, and Jungkook seems confused.

"Why do you ask?" He questions. And you don't quite follow, until he continues. "You're my mate- I am only addressing you as such."

Your eyes widen. "Wait- we're-" You start, and its only then that it clicks in Jungkooks head.

"Oh." He says- the dissapointment bitter and evident in his voice. "You.. didn't know?" He asks, and you shake your head, unsure what he means. "I see.." He tells you, suddenly distant. "I.. will bring you breakfast tomorrow.. sleep well." He abruptly says, and before you can say anything, he's already gone.

What just happened?

"There you are!" A voice says, deeper than Jungkooks, but not unfamiliar. Taehyung had been visiting and bringing you food and nescessities ever since that talk with Jungkook. This time, however, Taehyung seems like he wants to say something. You look at him, silently urging him, and he sits down next to you, sighing.

"Does he hate me?" You ask, quietly, and Taehyung looks sad.

"He could never." He says. "He just.. didn't take the rejection well. He'll need time to come around. It won't take that much time- his mother is already trying to get a new partner for him." He explains, and your head whips around towards him. "I- you.. did reject him, right?" He asks, slowly. "You do.. not love him, right?" He urges again, and you groan suddenly, throwing your face into your hands.

"Oh my god I'm so stupid.." You say. "It all.. everything was so overwhelming, I didn't even notice what he was doing." You cry into your hands, as Taehyungs hand places itself onto your back, trying to soothe you. "I though.. especially after I found out about his status.." You mumble. "How could he want me?" You ask, and Taehyung sighs.

"Head up, little siren." He says. "He's still able to hear you sing, if you want to." He says, and you look at him.

"But how?" You say. "I have no idea where the kingdom, or anything really is. And he won't come see me until its too late." You say.

"Well-" Taehyung says, standing up, and holding out his hand. "-allow me to escort the future princess to her lover."

"How did you find me?" He simply asks, not turning around, as you float closer. "I'm sorry, but I still need time to.. get over-" He starts, but you don't let him finish, instead leaning into his back, your arms around his middle.

"I'm stupid." You say. "I'm really, really stupid." He shakes his head, but you continue. "Just because I didn't realize- doesn't mean that I don't feel anything for you." You say. "I just.. felt unworthy, I guess. Insignificant." You admit, and he turns around, holding your face in his hands.

"You really are not gifted with the mind of the dragons king, my love." He states teasingly, the glimmer in his eyes returning. "My status means nothing to me, if that meant I could not have you." He says, and you lean forward, capturing his lips. "I hope you know what this meant, at least." He teases, and your eyes widen, scared you might've done something wrong. "It means you love me." He says, and you chuckle.

"Good." You say. "Because I do."

Even though he thinks you looked like a goddess reborn in your white and pearl decorated gown from the wedding, he enjoys you without it, close to him, just as much. He's alive, he's feeling, he's in love, as his hands move over your skin, his senses filled with you and nothing else.

The sounds you make for him are sweeter than any siren's song he's ever heard or could ever sing himself. No member of his kind is as enchanting as you, he decides, as he bites and kisses the sensitive skin of your neck. Jimin had teased him relentlessly the entire evening and night by trying to send you sweet words, to which you didn't react- but that didn't mean that it didn't piss him off.

You were his.

His princess- and soon to be queen, one day.

And he's planning on making that very evident, as he marks up your skin with little bites, visible for everyone to see. He wants everyone to know, even though by tomorrow, the entire Kingdom will celebrate the marriage of its prince anyways. He's more than ready to show you off, to hold you close, to have people see the divine being at his side that's you.

It's only natural for his hands to roam your skin, for his lips to worhip every inch it seems, as you reach out for his hand every second it leaves you. It's painfully endearing he thinks, how you can be so innocent and pure, while he's between your legs, performing the sinful act of pleasuring you with his mouth.

You pull him towards you, as you straddle his waist, leaning down to kiss him. He's in god's divine lands he thinks, as he suddenly feels you sinking down on his awaiting length. You fit around him perfectly, more so than he could've ever imagined. And as you both move, he holds you close, happy that here, in his world, he doesn't need to breathe.

He can kiss you as long as he wants.

(c)Bonny-Kookoo. I spilled strawberry milk on my poor laptop while writing this.

#bts imagine #bts #bts fanfic #jungkook imagine #bts fic #bts smut #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts reactions #Sing To Me AU

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tamcitrus · 4 years ago

Text

Fire and moon.

pairing: Benimaru Shinmon x fem. reader

genre: nsfw

words: 3,5 k.

warnings: a bit of degradation, public sexy time, orgasm denial, overstimulation, dom/sub undertones.

tam’s notes: Hi miss @writeiolite ! I’m you HQC secret santa! ♥ I was so nervous when I got you omg sjkdhas because I admire your writing so much, you’re so talented and an amazing person so I was a little afraid my writing wouldn’t be good enough. I’m so thankful for meeting you and all the beautiful people in the server. Thanks for being so welcoming, thanks for letting me help you and be a part of the staff and most of all thanks for being my friend. I hope you like this ♥

I CANT BELIVE IT’S YOUR GIF BUT HEY YOU HAVE A CLUE WHAT THIS IS ABOUT NOW dsjfhksldjf

☪ ☪ ☪ ☪ ☪

When you left the Holy Sol Temple and chose to move to Asakusa, you never expected to find a man that attracted you there. The proto-nationalist land wasn't a place where you expected to have fun. You just wanted to keep a low profile and be in peace.

But then you saw this man, flying through the sky and destroying everything on his way down to finally land in front of an infernal and punch right through his chest. And something sparked inside you. It wasn't your pyrokinesis or a fight or flight response. It was something else.

Shinmon Benimaru. That was his name. Fire Force Seventh Company’s Captain. Asakusa’s King of Destruction. The #1 enemy of the Holy Sol Temple, or so they said.

After that destruction scene, you walked through the city trying to get more information on him. But also, just socialicing. It would be weird for a new citizen to ask too much about the same person. More so if that person was the head of the city.

This “king” wasn’t like others you could imagine. He wasn’t unapproachable, living in a castle surrounded of gold and extravagant stuff. He was there, among his people, walking through the streets and greeting everyone by their name. He received gifts, food, and talked to those that stopped him. You could say just by looking that he was recognized as a leader. Even when he didn’t acknowledge that himself.

The stars were on your side because soon after that you met him in the thermal waters. He was there, sitting with his arms stretched by his sides and with his eyes closed. You felt like a sparkle inside you, almost like tickles. You walked in silence to the other end of the pool, going in and sitting very slowly.

Benimaru felt another presence behind him and then felt the water moving as you submerged your body in the warm waters. He opened his eyes for a second to look at you and then closed them again. He preferred to be alone but as long as you wouldn’t talk to him he didn’t mind the company.

You were quiet the whole time you were there. It wasn’t an unpleasant silence. But you were expectant. You tried to not look at him. You really tried but you allowed yourself to observe what was on your eye level.

He was handsome. Not that you didn’t know that, but it was a whole different experience having him in front of your eyes, not even a meter away from your body. And naked. He was naked.

Of course he’s naked, these are thermal waters, you thought.

You were naked too. Suddenly you were self conscious, even when he wasn’t looking. You crossed your arms over your chest to cover yourself and closed your eyes to submerge your whole body underwater and came up again. You sat there in silence again, looking at the moon, the house behind the man, the rocks and everything but him.

Eventually he left. You looked aside but still you noticed he stopped to look at you for a second too long.

You left a bit later, after you were sure he was long gone. You said goodbye to the nice lady in the reception and went home.

☪ ☪ ☪ ☪ ☪

Later that week, you were alone having dinner in a bar and he appeared.

"I don't know you, you're new here," he said as he nonchalantly sat on your table.

"Do you know everyone in this town?" you asked him.

He sighed. That wasn't the answer he was waiting for.

"I do, actually," he said.

The waitress silently approached and left him a glass full of something.

"Welcome, Benimaru-san. If there's something else you need you can tell us, the house invites you today," she said and walked away.

"Benimaru-san, nice to meet you," you said, playing fool. You knew who he was.

"And you are…?"

"New in town. I really like Asakusa," you smiled. His face looked more irritated than just a minute before. "You can call me y/n."

"No last name, uh?" he chugged the drink the girl left for him.

"I got rid of it," you said. And that was true.

"That's not a lot of information."

"You'll have to buy me a drink and I'll tell you more about me," you winked at him.

He clicked his tongue and you laughed.

“Just don’t cause troubles in my town,” he said and left.

“I’ll try!” you said as he walked out.

All the people at the bar were looking at you but you didn’t care, you had fun and he came to you.

☪ ☪ ☪ ☪ ☪

Would it be worth it to cause some trouble just to see his pissed face again? As you were thinking of some options for “trouble” you went to the thermal house again. And he was there.

“You again?” he said without even opening his eyes.

“It’s a small town,” you casually said.

“Are you following me?”

“Says the guy who showed up on my table out of nowhere,” you answered as you rushed to get into the hot water.

He remained silent again. It was the same as the last time, you sitting in front of him under the moonlight in a comfortable silence.

Even if you were comfortable, you were itching to bug him some more. Still, you just chose to keep your mouth closed. You rested your back on the rocks behind you and found a comfortable position to rest your head too, so you had to do the minimum effort to hold your body. You opened your eyes again when you heard Benimaru getting out of water, you felt drowsy and rubbed your eyes to force yourself to be fully conscious again.

"Don't drown here, this is my favorite place," he said as he walked away.

You looked at him and were about to give some sarcastic answer but then you saw his bare back and his ass and ate your words.

Holy Sol, that body. It had to be illegal to be so built and so handsome.

Before you fell asleep in the water again you got up and left too.

☪ ☪ ☪ ☪ ☪

"So you did cause trouble."

Same bar, same table, same man appearing out of nowhere in front of you. You huffed.

"I defended myself," you explained.

"That's why you beated up some guy?"

"If someone fights me I'll fight back," you explained.

"Which company sent you here?" Benimaru asked.

You laughed out loud.

"I'm not a fire force member."

"You have powers. The Holy Sol Temple sent you here?" he insisted.

"I left the Temple a long time ago," you smiled.

He stared at you, you supposed he was processing the information you just gave him.

"Well, have a nice day, Captain. I might see you later," you said and left him there.

☪ ☪ ☪ ☪ ☪

That night you were the first one in the thermal house. It was weird to be there without Benimaru's big chest in front of you, distracting you from the beautiful full moon that shone over your heads. You positioned yourself again in that way that let you just be sitting without any effort and closed your eyes.

"You again?" you said when you felt the water moving. You knew it was Benimaru.

"This is my town," he answered, ignoring your teasing.

"Right, I'm sorry, your highness."

He clicked his tongue. He thought about what Konro said earlier. Maybe she just wants to provoke you, Waka.

"Are you trying to provoke me?" he inquired.

"Who knows," you smiled.

"I wanna know," he said and closed a little the distance between your bodies.

"I told you you had to take me out first if you wanna know more about me," you licked your lips.

"I could just make you tell me in some other way," he threatened.

"Maybe if you fuck my brains out…" you battled your eyelashes as sweetly and innocently as you could.

He was over you the next second, his hand pulling your hair and making you throw your head back. His body felt warm against yours, even inside the hot water.

"I know you want it too, Captain~" you chirped. "Just stop thinking for a second and let your body take control…"

Yes, he did want it. It was weird to find someone that didn't fear him or admire him as if he was a royalty member. Then you appeared and you gave him all these contradictory signals. It was frustrating. He wanted to erase that cocky smile from your glossy lips…

He kissed you. His mouth was demanding and the hand holding your hair guided your movements at will. You locked your legs around his hips, holding him close to you, and tangled your hands on his long hair. His hands went underwater to squeeze your ass and thighs and you moaned inside his mouth. You felt his leg under your body next and with little effort he walked out of the water with you clinging to him. He walked to the changing room and let you down over the bench that was there. You were about to sit and take his erection on your mouth but he pushed you back down.

"Who told you you could move?" he asked. The answer was implied in his voice. The atmosphere changed, he was in control now. Your teasing wouldn't affect him anymore. You rubbed your thighs in expectation.

You observed him as he slowly walked to close the doors -the one that gave you access to the reception and the back door you just crossed- and then he kneeled between your legs. The fact that you two were already naked saved some time.

He started circling your clit with his still wet fingers. You started whimpering after a minute, his calloused hand was doing wonders on your body. He pushed his middle finger inside you and kept rubbing your clit with his thumb. He moved his finger in circles inside you, enjoying your moans and your walls clenching his digit. He added his point finger in and sucked your clit on his mouth one time after another until you were almost screaming.

"Fuck, that feels so good," you whined.

If he just moved his fingers a bit faster you would…

He stopped and pulled his fingers out to stand up. When you looked at him he took his fingers to his mouth and sucked your juices from them slowly and pumped his dick with his other hand, putting on a show for you.

"Suck," he said as he pushed his fingers with precum on your mouth.

You obliged. You hollowed your cheeks and suck his fingers, moving your tongue around so you cleaned them perfectly.

"You'll have to do much better than this if you wanna cum," he said like he was disappointed.

He was over you kissing you again, his tongue took your breath away. You could feel his dick against your belly, it was so hot and leaking a bit. Your mouth watered at the thought of having it on your mouth. Subconsciously your hand moved to grab his dick but he stopped you.

"It seems you don't understand you can't move unless I say so," he said. He took a belt from a bathrobe and tied your hands together with it. You whined at the restriction and pouted at him.

"Bad girls don't deserve a nice treatment," he said. "And you're a bad girl."

"I'll do better next time," you said with a pout still on your mouth.

He pulled from the belt to make you sit. Your mouth was an inch away from his cock but you stood still. You had to be a good girl.

"Suck me off," he ordered.

It was almost a relief to have his dick on your mouth. You felt the bitterness of precum at the end of your throat and the salty taste of the waters you were in minutes ago. You could barely fit it in -it was logical that such a big man had a big dick- but you still tried. You bobbed your head back and forward and twirled your tongue around his length. He cupped your breasts and pinched your nipples, your muffled moans caused a nice tickling sensation on his penis.

"This is what it takes for you to shut up, uh?" he thrusted into your mouth a few times, going deeper each time.

He growled when he pushed just a bit further than the back of your throat. You resisted your gag reflex and deepthroated him as tiny tears formed in the corner of your eyes. It wasn't unpleasant, it felt good and despite his size he was being careful, which only added to your overwhelming sensation of arousal.

You needed some kind of relief. You needed to be touched or to have Benimaru inside you, but considering his dick was still on your mouth that wasn't an option. So you touched yourself, lucky you had your hands tied in front of your body. It didn't take long for him to realize and take a step back. He sighed and looked down to you, his long hair covering most of his face. You froze as soon as he looked at you.

"On your hands and knees," he whispered.

You obeyed and smiled to yourself at his bored tone. Because his eyes were lit up, he was having fun.

You positioned yourself as you could in the little bench and waited. His big hand was over your ass just rubbing it and squeezing. Then he raised his hand and slapped you.

"Fuck," you moaned.

"I thought you would be able to take orders given your past," he said as he rubbed your skin again. "I guess not."

He slapped your ass again and you moaned. He used one hand to rub your abused skin and the other to tease your entrance. You cried at his touch, your walls were clamping around nothing.

"Ple-please," you cried when he slapped you again.

His fingers were on your clit now, circling it and his thumb was going up and down on your pussy but not inside.

"Do you think you're in position to ask something, you slut?" he bent down to talk to your ear and you got chills.

He slapped your ass again and he could see his palm marked on your skin on a little prominence. He used his fingers again to stretch your pussy and you moaned, his fingers felt good but you weren't full, you needed more.

"More, please," you asked for it. You could talk now that you didn't have his huge dick on your mouth.

He made you turn around again so he could look at your face as he finally gave you what you wanted: his dick inside you. Your face and moans were a mixture between pleasure and relief. And he was having fun. Real fun and enjoyment, not like other times he met someone to satisfy his needs.

He felt your legs trembling and your hips were moving frantically, not matching his movements anymore. So he stopped. You whined and wiggle your hips to get him to move again.

"If you don't stay still I'll walk out through that door right now," he warned.

You sighed, tears threatened to fall from your eyes again. He traced patterns on your thighs with his fingers and observed how you put your tied hands over your eyes. It was taking all of your will to not move. He was stretching you so nicely, you swear you could even feel the shape of his veins on your walls, you felt full and almost satisfied. When he no longer felt the insistent clenching of your walls on his dick, he bent down and took one of your nipples on his mouth. You cursed out loud when he took your bud gently between his teeth. You never expected a tough man like him to be so gentle. Your climax was gone again but it wouldn't take much to build it back up. Benimaru put his mouth to work on your other nipple and gave a gentle thrust that caused you to moan again. How could he stay still being balls deep into you? How could he resist the urge to just chase his climax?

He thrusted again and you felt tight, like your pussy was accustomed to him not moving. It felt good, you fit on him like a glove, just like the right amount of pressure to not fall off. He circled your clit with his fingers again and you locked your legs embracing his hips again to have him deeper inside. He kissed you again and put his arm around your waist to hold you up against him and then your back hit a wall. You throw your hands behind his head to use his shoulders for support and adjust your hold on his hips before he started to thrust again. But this time he wasn't so gentle. He was going fast and strong, his tip touched your g spot every few times and you bit his neck to muffle your moans.

"It will take more than that to mark me," he said in an arrogant tone.

You huffed. You would be all marked up tomorrow with shapes of fingers and hands: on your waist, on your thighs, your ass. You heated your wrists enough to burn the belt restricting your movements and scratched his back with force. Your walls clenched when you heard him growl. That much will do to mark him, so you'll do it again.

His thrusts were reckless and he changed his angle from time to time. He held your waist with one arm and the other was on your leg, spreading it apart for him to get liberty with his movements.

"I'm so so close," you cried in his ear.

He knew it, he could feel it. His dick was being pressed hard in your pussy and it felt better than ever. It wouldn't take much for him to cum either. He kneeled and let your body down on the floor in front of him to take your legs and put in on his shoulders so he could thrust in a different position. Your back arched out of sheer pleasure and you moaned his name again. You couldn’t even warn him that you were on your climax before it happened, you just took his arm and scratched him even harder than before. Fucks and oh-s left your mouth each time his dick rubbed your cervix. You notice he was slowing down and you knew what he was thinking.

“Fill me up,” you said in a lustful voice. “Fill me up, please,” you used your heels to push him back to you.

He didn’t doubt anymore. He was back with his merciless thrusts, balls deep into you again. His dick was a bit harder to take after your orgasm but you couldn’t complain. You just wanted him to cum inside you and you even might be able to cum again just from the thought of if it. He found an angle in which both were moaning and he kept going strong. Your legs were trembling again and he felt tiredness on his muscles too. So he buried his cock on you a few more times and the little hold he had on his body snapped. He cummed inside you and you had another orgasm when you felt his semen filling you up.

After a minute he pulled out and collapsed by your side, both of you were struggling to catch your breath. You could just fall asleep there, or maybe in the warm water? As you weighed your options, Benimaru got up and walked outside and back. He kneeled by your side and cleaned you up.

"Oh, aren't you a gentleman?" you teased him. But you were grateful he wasn't a jerk as he looked he could be.

"Shut up," he said.

He cleaned himself and got dressed. You heard him talk with the old lady manager, asking for water and something to eat.

"There's a private room, you can stay here tonight if you're tired," he said as he observed you get dressed.

"Will you stay with me?" you smiled.

"Who knows," he answered and left.

You followed him to the private room where he was already sitting and eating. You took a seat in front of him and ate too. With a bit of teasing and other bit of luck maybe you could get a second round.

☪ ☪ ☪ ☪ ☪

#i really hope you enjoy this #fire force #fire force scenarios #fire force x reader #fire force benimaru #fire force smut #benimaru shinmon x reader #shinmon benimaru #benimaru shinmon #benimaru x reader #enen no shouboutai #enen no shouboutai benimaru #iolite is a great writer #go check her blog #benimaru smut

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alreadyblondenow · 3 years ago

Text

Two is better than one

Pairing: Lifeguard!Mark Lee x female!reader

Genre: SMUT, FLUFF

WC: 2,857k

Warnings: unprotected sex, couch sex, quickie, swearing, mentions of making out, this drabble is very light smut and fluffy HEHE

A/N: NOT PROOFREAD. I’ll fix it once I have time. Please let me be, I just want to write something fluffy for Mark to take away all my stress. For Neo Smut Collective’s Sunny Side.

———

There’s this one guy in school that your friends have been telling you to date during summer vacation because you’re the only single gal in your circle of friends. Of course that’s completely fine, but whenever your friends has double dates and they wanted you to come, you simply turn them down because you don’t want to be a burden during their date.

“And that’s why we’ve been telling you to date Mark, give him a chance, he’s a nice dude. Not to mention very good looking,” Your friend whines while she scans the clothes on the rack.

“I know what he looks like and I know that he’s nice,” you giggle at what your friend said, “but we don’t know if he wants to date. What if he’s perfectly fine with being single too? Seriously you guys, you’re wasting your time. I’m fine with being single,”

“Oh honey you can’t fool us. Admit it, you don’t want to date Mark because you want him to earn it, and not because we set you up with him” she smirked.

If you’re being honest, what she said was partly true. Partly. It’s true that yes, you wanted him to make the first move and actually like you first before you go on a date with him. And what you said earlier about being happy while you’re single is also true.

And the reason why you wanted him to like you first is because there’s no doubt that you will like him back. He’s Mark Lee. The guy is basically perfect and you knew already that falling for him is not going to be hard. He’s cool, funny, loud and you heard that he’s actually nice with everyone and not in a flirty way.

Given that you’re single and you’re used to do things alone, on a perfectly good day and nice weather, you decided to get some sun at the beach alone. With your juice on the side and a book on your hand, this day is going to be perfect you thought.

But while you were admiring the beach while siping on your drink, you saw a familiar figure sitting on the lifeguard chair which immediately made you remove your sunglasses so you could have a good look at him and to confirm your own judgement if you were right. And yes, you were right. It’s Mark Lee. Guarding the beach with no shirt on and just wearing his beach shorts... looking so hot and handsome with his shades on while smiling back to you.

Wait-

Just when you realized that he caught you looking at him, you feel so jumpy and nervous for no reason and you avoided him immediately. Going back to reading your book, just reading and not actually understanding a word. But when you saw him come down from that tall chair and saw him heading towards you, you suddenly got up and gathered your stuff with panic movements.

“Is she avoiding me?” Mark murmured to himself while walking towards you. “Wait! Look behind you-“ he shouted and tried warning you about the waiter carrying a tray of cold beverages. But too late because you already bumped on him and spilled different kinds of juices on your swimsuit.

“Don’t worry about it I’ll pay for it” he said to you while wrapping a towel around you and keeping you close to him. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up”

And just like that, without further discussions, you found yourself in Mark’s arms. Heading over their backdoor and you, entering his house for the first time. Everything happened so fast that you didn’t have time to refuse his offer of getting you cleaned up. He brought you straight to his cozy room, preparing the bathroom for you and telling you that if you need anything else just call him.

“Uhm... Mark?” You shout from the bathroom.

“Yeah? You need something?”

“My clothes are ruined and wet because of the juice-“

“Right, uhm... Gotcha! I-I’ll leave the clothes on the floor, okay” and off he goes to his closet to look for something that you could wear. Mark was all jumpy and nervous as he heads to the bathroom door and leave the clothes on the floor. This was all his fault, if he didn’t startled you by running towards you at the beach, you would’ve stayed in your comfort under the sun and the accident wouldn’t happen.

“I’ll pay for the damage and I’ll make sure to bring your clothes back immediately”

“No, don’t worry about it. Uhm... the restaurant, we own it. So don’t worry about it” he said nervously. Smiling so big in front of you. “So you know my name, huh? Why’d you ran off like that earlier?”

“Hmm. To be honest I got shy. And it’s so stupid, now I’m humiliated” you put your on your face and let out an awkward laugh, Mark did too but you notice that he can’t stop looking at you. That’s when you noticed that he has a pretty big head, beautiful eyes and sharp cheekbones. In other words, you’ve never appreciated his handsome features quite this close.

At the end of the day, Mark walked you home and you had a good talk with him. Taking it as a chance for apologizing to him for whenever you don’t show up during planned double dates. Turns out he never showed up too. Does that means he’s not interested with dating? Or with you in general?

A week after that unforgettable interaction with Mark, you found yourself looking at the neatly folded sweatpants and hoodie in front of you while thinking long and hard if you’re going to message Mark first and let him know that you’re going to his house to bring back the clothes... but it looks like you’re flirting with him already and you don’t like that... “fuck it” you murmured and head to their house just because you knew you’d have to return his clothes eventually. And just when you were a couple of blocks away, he came from behind and tickled you on your waist. Making you jolt and turn around with quick and sharp movements. He giggled and greeted you with a handsome smile, surprised that he even looked dashing with a shirt on.

“No lifeguard duty?” you asked, returning his big smiles with awkward ones.

“Just finished, that’s why you have no choice but to hang out with me” he said confidently like you two have been friends for a long time already.

Funny how just a week ago, you and your friend were debating whether you should give Mark a chance to take you out but you still refused because you wanted him to make the first move first. And now as you two hang out together in their house, watched the sunset by the beach with a couple of beers on the side, you can see that you’ve been missing quite a lot.

“So you’re saying that you’ve been waiting for me all this time?” he said out of nowhere while eating a pizza crust. You’re now in their kitchen, eating pizza and having more beers with him. Getting a little too friendlier than earlier.

“Not really waiting. I wasn’t expecting anything, but off topic...You’re cuter than I expected you to be” and just as the words came out from your mouth, you don’t know where the bravery came from. This must be the alcohol’s doing, you thought. You tried to avert your focus on other things like munching a few chips and finishing your beer in one down. Thinking of a better escape for this awkward situation that you started but before you come down from the kitchen counter, he confidently went in between your legs and came closer to you. So close that you can smell each other’s breath and smell the sweet flavor of the alcohol... but Mark wanted more than smelling you.

He wanted to taste your lips, and so he did.

Tongue swiping on your lips the moment his touched yours. Letting him dominate the kiss while he reaches for your arms and make you embrace him. He smiled and put the kiss to a halt.

“How’s that for my first move?” He smirked and placed another sweet kiss on your lips. And the next thing you know you and Mark are exchanging kisses nonstop until you reached their living and continue what you’re doing on their soft couch. Sitting comfortably on Mark’s lap, legs on both sides, while your hands are all over him.

“Take these off, let’s have some fun” he whispered while tugging your shorts. Completely aware that he’s brave and confident like this because of the alcohol push.

“Oh Mark Lee, you’ve been challenging me lately huh”

And it only takes a few seconds for you and Mark to get naked from waist down and go back to your previous position. Oh you wanted to feed your lust and look at his cock just for a few seconds but you need him already.

“Parents will be home soon, fuck-“ he informed you while you put his cock inside you slowly. Breathing heavily when you finally moved your hips slowly, then fast. You watch him furrow his brows, rest his arm on his head and watch you move with lidded eyes as you fuck him good. “Faster” he requested, grabbing your clothed boobs and kissing your neck that immediately put you both on edge.

With fast movements and sweet moans, soon Mark cant handle it anymore and grabbed you by the waist so fast that you didn’t even saw it coming, pulled out his cock from inside of you and pumped it while you kiss him during his orgasm. Not giving a fuck if his cum stains on their couch.

“I was planning to ask you on a date. Sorry this happened earlier than expected. I promise to try and stop myself from luring you to having sex with me. I promise” he apologized and looked at your swollen lips from kissing, tracing it gently and letting out a satisfied sigh as he tries so hard to not look down and look at your pussy.

“It’s fine with me Mark. But y-yeah. You’re right. We should do this the right way” you shyly admitted. Getting up from his lap and making yourself decent again. Why do you feel like you’re having great regrets?

After that night you and Mark did not see each other for a few weeks again. Well, mainly because you’re avoiding him and whenever you remember about the sex and how good it felt... it just feels wrong at the same time and you don’t know why you feel this way.

“Are you really not going to give Mark a chance?” your friend once again nags you about Mark. Maybe Mark kept what happened between you two and did not tell it to his friends.

“Uhm. I seriously don’t know” you answered weakly.

“Well, I hope you won’t get mad because we tricked you. He’s going to the park with us tonight”

But right before you get mad and whine about the situation, Mark and his friends appeared. And immediately forcing you two to stand beside each other.

The park was packed and busy with people wearing big smiles the whole night. You wanted to smile too and laugh loudly whenever Mark tries to make you laugh or even make a decent conversation but you’re afraid that your friends will get the wrong idea.

Good thing, Mark knew that you’re not comfortable right now especially that your friends are around. He also knew that what happened between you two completely ruined everything already, and he admits that he fucked up.

“Want to go somewhere else?”

He whispered beside you while your friends are riding the roller coaster and you and Mark are on bag duty. You wanted to say ‘yes’ of course, and you will use this time to apologize to him privately and explain what you’re really feeling.

Coming up with different excuses, you and Mark left the park and your friends separately and eventually meet him at the beach near their house. When you arrived at their house, surprisingly he set up mini picnic just for you, ordered pizza and made sure you two drink non-alcoholic beverages tonight to avoid what happened last week.

“This is not our first date. Not yet. But this is my way of apologizing for what happened. I’m sorry,”

“You did nothing wrong. I should be the one apologizing. It’s not right that I left you hanging just because my regrets got into me. I’m sorry”

After apologizing and talking about random stuff that comes out of your mouths, Mark finally had the guts to ask you something serious. Something that he has been thinking the moment his lips crashed on yours for the first time.

Firstly he admitted that he liked you. A lot. And that didn’t surprised you already because you found out with the way he kiss and hold you during the day you had sex. But what surprised you is that, you don’t feel the same way towards him even though he’s perfect.

“Honestly I was expecting myself to fall in love with you easily. But turns out you can’t really force your feelings” you said. Careful with your words so you won’t hurt him but you don’t have a choice.

“But do you want to give it a try? Give us a try?”

“I’ll think about it” you answered honestly. Because truth be told you don’t want to give him false hope.

And after a night full of truths and honesty, you and Mark remained close friends and promised each other that you will be honest with your feelings for him no matter what happens. As part of being friends, you visit Mark at the beach whenever he has lifeguard duties and wait until his shift is over to hang out or whenever it’s raining and his parents are away, you and Mark stay in their living room and watch Netflix while enjoying the weather together with his fluffy blanket covering your entire bodies.

Being single is not a problem to you, you are perfectly happy and contented with your self love and you believe that having a boyfriend will not make much of a difference in your life. And you also believe that Mark, a genuine and very lovable person, deserves someone who will shower him with love. You just can’t see yourself doing it with him.

But with almost a month of hanging out everyday, you grew fond of him that sometimes you unconsciously hug him and became unexpectedly sweet. Like that time at the beach, while watching the sun go down. You rested your chin at the top of his shoulder and decided to play with his black soft locks. Massaging his scalp while you admire him closely. Even Mark was shocked to the core when he realized that you are incredibly close. After that moment, you saw him as someone who can add up to your happiness. You’re now confident that Mark can double the happiness that you have in your heart now. Love is not easy. Loving someone is never a walk in the park. But being loved by someone like Mark, is not an opportunity that knocks on your door everyday.

Tonight is stargazing night and as usual he let you have his blanket, now your favorite blanket. It was a very tiring day for him and he accidentally fell asleep next to you. A thin mattress on the sand is not that comfortable but he will trade any comfortable bed in the world as long as you’re beside him while he rests. When he opened his eyes, the beach was blue and the sun was just about to come up. He noticed that you’re shivering, so he decided not to share with the blanket with you and give it to you completely instead.

“No, we can share. Come here” you murmured when you feel him move aside. So to keep him beside you, you wrapped your one arm around his waist and hugged him tightly. “This is better” you said, and in that very moment, even though the beach was still dark, you witness him blush and smile from ear to ear. Showing those sharp cheekbones and returning the tight hug.

“Mark,”

“Hm? Still cold?” he asked while keeping you warm using his hand, rubbing it on your shoulders.

“Not at all. But I decided to give us a try”

He let out a satisfied sigh and became instantly clingy and giggly, “Finally,”

And you were right. Mark made you happier than you could have ever imagine. But even though that he won your heart already, for Mark, he still thinks that you can leave him so easily. One mistake, one fuck up and he can ruin everything that he’s building right now. That’s why while making you happy everyday, he’s working on keeping you forever by showing you that he can love you even more each day. Showing you that two is better than one and you don’t have to experience love alone

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worldserasingandcreatinginmymind · 3 years ago

Text

Useless | Kaz Brekker x Sister!Reader

Requested by @inquistitorebony : “Hey could you please do a kaz x Sister reader please where she has some medical issues and is really weak and gets inured on a job with kaz and he get all protective brother mode”

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x sister!reader, Jesper x reader (platonic)

Word Count: 1297 (I havent proof read because its late and im tired so this might change tomorrow)

Warnings: angsty stuff and sibling fluff

A/N: I didn't specify what the readers condition is so you can personalise that as you want. As always, spelling and grammar are not my strongest skills so please be kind :)

Masterlist

- - - - -

“We’re all clear on the plan?”

The Crows nod in reply to Kaz and hurry off to prepare for the task ahead, leaving you stood alone with your brother.

“What about me?” You ask

“What about you?” he replies as he gathers up the floor plans, blueprints and various other papers spread on the table.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Relax. Read a book. Whatever you want to do while you’ve got this place to yourself” he walks away.

“Place to myself…” you stand up and follow him “No, Kaz, I’m coming with you!”

“Absolutely not. You're staying here and that’s an order”

“An order?” You laugh "Who do you think you are? The General?”

He stops suddenly, turning to look at you.

“I’m serious Y/N. This job is too dangerous, especially with your condition.”

“My condition? What about you?” You gesture to his cane “If you can do it then so can I”

“You're weak”

“No weaker than you”

“Y/N!

“Kaz!”

You reach a stalemate as the two of you stare at each other, each waiting for the other to back down. He’s stubborn. But so are you.

“I think she should come” Jesper breaks the silence.

“Stay out of this Jesper” Kaz warns, still not taking his eyes off you.

“Oh come on Kaz!” Jesper continues “You know she’s the best actor here…we could really use her help distracting the guards.”

“I could even use my condition. Guards can’t resist helping a poor sick girl. Please Kaz, let me prove I’m not useless” you flash your puppy eyes at him until eventually he lets out a sigh of defeat.

“Fine! But if your condition gets worse you head straight to the meet up point. Okay?”

“Yes sir” you salute and he rolls his eyes before heading off to his office. You look over to Jesper, a big grin on your face as you thank him.

— — — —

The job had started off smooth.

The guards completely fell for your ‘poor sick girl’ act and were fully distracted trying to help you. They didn’t notice Jesper sneak past the door or Inej scale the side of the building, effortlessly pulling herself up onto the roof. They did however notice the loud crash as something came smashing through one of the upstairs windows. The three of you jumped as you turn to see what had caused the damage.

Your heart sank as your eyes fell upon a familiar cane laying on the pavement in a pool of broken glass, blood covering the metal crows head.

“KAZ!” You yell as you make a run toward the building entrance but you're stopped by the on of the guards holding you back while the other sprints past you to investigate.

“I cant let you in there”

“Let go of me!” You fight to try and free yourself “I have to find my brother!”

“You're brother?” The guard asks, holding you even tighter and you curse yourself as you realise what you’ve said “Was this the plan? You distract the guards while he robs the place?”

“Please let me go”

“The only place you're going is jail where you belong”

You fight again but you can feel your strength leaving you at a rapid rate. You swing your legs wildly and manage to kick the guard in just the right place. He yells and throws you down to the floor, your head hitting the pavement with a loud thud. You groan as you roll onto your back, clutching your throbbing head in your hands. Your vision is blurry but you can just about make out the guard looming toward you, gun in hand pointed at you.

“Assaulting a guard is a crime punishable by death”

You allow the pain to take over and let your eyes flicker shut as you wait for it all to end.

The last thing you hear is a gunshot followed by Jesper calling your name.

— — — —

When your eyes open again you're surprised to find yourself back home in your own bed, bright light pouring in through the window. You squint your eyes from the brightness as you look around the room and realise Jesper is asleep in the chair next to you, his head resting on the edge of your bed. You reach out and gently poke him awake. He yawns as he sits up. It takes him a moment to register that you are also awake.

“Y/N! Are you okay? How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve done a full body workout. Ugh, why does everything ache?!”

“How much do you remember?” Jesper asks

“Fighting with a guard. Falling to the floor. He was going to shoot me…”

“He wasn’t quick enough” Jesper winks as he blows the tip of his gun, spins it around his finger and shoves it in his pocket. You smile at him, but then your eye is drawn to something behind him. A cane resting against the wall. Your memories come flooding back and yo sit up suddenly panicked.

“Where Kaz?! Is he okay?!”

“Y/N, you need to calm down. You're still weak”

“Where is he?!”

“He’s…” Jesper starts but is cut off.

“Here” Kaz appears at the door “I’m here”

You jump out of bed quicker than your legs can carry you and stumble into his arms. He grabs you in his gloved hands and Jesper rushes to you, helping Kaz hold you up and lead you back to bed. Once he’s sure your safe he lets go of you, taking a small step back. Jesper sits next to you, arm around your shoulder as you cant stop the tears flooding down your face.

“I thought you were dead” you cry

“I thought YOU were dead” Kaz replies “when I saw Jesper carrying your lifeless body, it took me back to Jor…” he trails off, unable to finish. He takes a steadying breath “I’m glad you're okay”

“Me too.” You say wiping your face “and I'm sorry. I guess you were right, I was too weak to go on that mission. I’m useless.”

Kaz looks at you for a moment before looking to Jesper, silently asking him to leave. Jesper gives your shoulder a quick squeeze before getting up and leaving the room. Kaz fills the empty space next to you on the bed, taking a deep breath before placing his hand on yours.

“You are not useless Y/N. You are brilliant.” He says and you look at him “I was watching you distract those guards and I was so proud. You live with your condition every single day and you never let it hold you back. On my darkest days I look at you and you inspire me to keep going, because if you can do it then so can I.”

You give him a small, genuine smile which he returns as he squeezes your hand affectionately.

“Now you go back to sleep, get your strength back up and I’ll check on you later” he releases your hand and moves to the door.

“Thank you Kaz” you say as you get yourself comfy.

“Don't ever think you are useless Y/N” he says when he stops at the door and turns back to you “that’s an order”

You let out a small laugh as you salute him and he rolls his eyes. But you see the smile creep onto his face before he leaves and you drift back into a peaceful sleep.

#kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker fic #kaz brekker x sister #Kaz Brekker #jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey #jesper x reader #six of crows fic #six of crows imagine #six of crows #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fic #shadow and bone imagine #freddy carter #freddy carter x reader

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baroquebucky · 4 years ago

Note

idk if you’re taking requests but if you are could i get a loki one shot where the reader is super shy and quiet and the only person at the tower she really talks to is natasha but the others have tried and failed. but eventually loki comes to the tower and he gets her to trust him and she opens up to him?? or something along those lines lol i’m just in desperate need of some loki fluff🥺 also i absolutely adore your writing 🥰💓

a/n: yup yup ! i don’t write for loki much so i hope this isn’t too out of character !!

in which loki manages to break down your walls, magic free

word count: 2k

masterlist

You sat next to Natasha, quiet as the others laughed at the movie. You leaned over making a small comment to Natasha causing her to burst out laughing, the other looking over to see what had happened.

“tell them!” Natasha nudged you and you shook your head, looking at your hands as natasha repeated your comment, everyone bustling out into a fit of laughter.

“y/n is the funniest person here nobody can change my mind” Tony piped up, smiling at you as your face burned.

The rest of the night went smoothly, keeping to yourself and whispering to natasha, making her giggle.

“you really should try talking to the other y/n, they love you” nat urged you, walking to your rooms to settle in for the night. You shook your head, heart racing at the idea.

“no, i mean they seem nice it’s just i don’t know i get so nervous i don’t wanna make a fool out of myself and plus they’re so intimidating” you chuckled, shrugging your shoulders as you stopped at your room.

“you know you’re an avenger too right?” Nat laughed as you rolled your eyes, waving her off and saying goodnight.

Morning rolled around soon enough and you walked out, steve and Sam saying good morning and you smiled at them, rushing to make a bowl fo cereal and sitting a couple seats away from them.

“so y/n what are you gonna do today?” Steve smiled, trying to make conversation with you.

You thought for a bit before answering, “not much, just train maybe uh, i might go shopping with nat later” you replied, ending the conversation and finishing up your food.

You excused yourself before they could say anything else.

“you know thor is brining his brother today” sam called out and you looked at him confused.

“battle of New York one?” You questioned and he nodded, you raised your brows in surprise.

“he’s good now, nice guy i think” steve added, not wanting to worry you. You only nodded your head and left the kitchen, going to train for the rest of the morning.

“is everybody here?” Thor boomed, a smile on his face as his brother stood next to him, arms crossed across his chest.

“where is y/n? Will she be joining us?” Thor questioned, slightly upset you weren’t there.

“I’ll get her she’s probably sleeping or something” Natasha smiled, heading to your room.

She knocked on your door, letting herself in after a couple seconds and found you passed out on your bed, a book next to your head.

Shaking you gently she woke you up, “y/n, wake up thor brought his brother Cmon” she spoke quietly as you stirred awake.

“what? what time is it?” you questioned, yawning and rubbing your eyes, looking around for a bit.

“3:12, you knocked out after our session this morning” she smirked and you rolled your eyes.

“told you i stayed up late” you defended, getting up and putting on some socks.

Natasha was in a t shirt and some sweats, so you figured your t shirt and shorts weren’t too bad. Surely the rest of the team was dressed casually too.

You entered the living room, still half asleep following Natasha, waving hi to everybody.

“now that everyone is here, this is loki, my brother! he’s a good guy now and since we’re gonna be splitting time between here and Asgard i figured a proper introduction was over due” Thor beamed at everyone.

“well hi loki, nice to uh- meet you, again” steve spoke up, trying to get the others to say hi.

“mm a pleasure” loki gave him a tight smile, you rolled your eyes at his tone. You finally looked at him, he was dressed in an all black suit and dress shoes, you scoffed at his outfit.

“you always dress like that?” You spoke up, upset that he had been rude to steve. Everyone’s eyes went wide, turning to face you and loki looked shocked.

“and you are?” Loki shot back, checking you out.

“y/n, and you should be nicer” you quipped, narrowing your eyes at him. Natasha smirked at loki, knowing how sassy you could be after a nap.

“you’ve got a quick wit, i like that” loki smiled and you rolled your eyes, shifting your weight onto your other leg.

As everyone else warmed up loki you stayed an arms length away, only speaking up when someone talked directly to you.

You slowly moved away from the group, turning to sneak away to your room. A smile on your face as you turned around, only to bump into someone’s chest.

“leaving my welcome party so soon, love?” Loki smiled as you stumbled back, eyes widening.

“how- you were just over there?” You gawked, looking back where you saw another loki sitting and chatting with the others.

“magic, did they not tell you about me darling?” He asked, cocking his head to the side.

“no yeah they did, just didn’t pay much mind is all” you smiled, crossing your arms across your chest.

“you know, they didn’t tell me much about you, why’s that?” Loki asked, leaning against the wall and you fiddlers with your fingers.

“don’t really talk to them much, i- uh I’m pretty reserved” you spoke, a wave of realization washing over you as you fully woke up.

“don’t seem that shy to me” he smirked and you shook your head.

“no i was just really tired I’m so sorry I’m usually not like that I’m so sorry oh god” you spoke, fumbling over your words as your face grew hot from embarrassment.

“don’t apologize, i liked it” he smiled, pushing himself off the wall and moving so the oath to your room was no longer blocked.

“cant wait to see you around y/n” he spoke, letting you walk past him, biting your lip to contain your smile.

And you sure did see him around, telling him good morning when he sat himself next to you during breakfast, sparring with him when he suggested it after walking into the gym.

Loki found himself gravitating towards you, wanting to know everything about you, your favorite color, your middle name, your biggest fears. He wanted to know you.

He was persistent, constantly talking to you and spending time with you, he found himself doing things he never thought he would just to spend time with you. It’s how he was in his current predicament.

“okay just don’t smile or else it’ll crack” you replied, finishing brushing the green face mask on him, letting him use one of your head bands, one with pink fluffy bunny ears (he chose it himself).

“how can i not smile when the most beautiful person in all the nine realms is right here” he replied, making you roll your eyes.

You settled into you before, scooting next to him and turning on your favorite show. Both of you watching attentively as your masks dried.

“can i ask you something?” Loki spoke suddenly, you turned to look at him, a small hum signaling to continue.

“why don’t you talk to the others?” He asked softly, taking your hand in his to comfort you.

You let a couple moments pass to gather your thoughts, finally speaking up.

“they’re just really intimidating to me, i mean i grew up admiring steve and the other have saved the world countless times, I’ve helped them once but i didn’t even play that big of a role, it’s just really daunting you know?” He looked at the way your fingers intertwined and held back a smile.

“how come you weren’t scared to talk to me?” you looked at him, laughing softly.

“oh no i was scared shitless, you just wouldn’t leave me alone so i really had no choice” you replied, looking at your hands connected.

“is that how Natasha got close to you?”

You nodded, remembering the way she pestered you until you two became the best of friends, never leaving each other’s side for a whole week.

“well, i hope you know that I’m not going anywhere” he spoke, moving to face you. Reluctantly, you looked at him, tension thick in the air.

“what makes you so sure?” You asked, looking into his eyes.

Both of you leaned in a little, your breath hitched in your throat as you leaned closer, and closer, and-

ding! ding! ding!

Both of you jumped away at the sound of the alarm, clearing your throats and moving to wash the face mask off.

After you had both washed off the mask you headed back to your bed, sitting down with some space between your bodies. The sound of the show filling the room, neither one of you saying anything.

“what do-”

“why do-”

You both quieted at the sound of the others voice, laughing a little as you both stopped. He motioned for you to continue.

“what do you think about me?” You asked, fiddling with your fingers and picking at your nails, glancing at him for a second before focusing back to on your fingers.

“i think” he trailed off, scooting closer to you, “that you are one of the most amazing people I’ve met, that you are kind, funny and exciting” he finished, your thighs touching as you looked up at him.

“really?” you whispered, dizzy from how close the two of you were.

“absolutely.”

“what were you gonna say?” you asked, giving him a small smile before focusing on the tv show.

“why are you so sure that I’m gonna leave?” He questioned, eyes flickering between your lips and your eyes.

“i- well i never open up to people so they always just leave” you replied, furrowing your eyebrows before continuing.

“when i was in high school and such i used to be really outgoing and loud, everyone would tell me to be quiet when i got excited so i just kinda stopped altogether, no one complained much then” you laughed dryly, remembering the way your friends would get annoyed at how bubbly you were.

“they all left me after i stopped being loud, said i was boring.”

Loki felt his heart fall in his chest, he was angry at you past friends, but he was sad that you had changed so much for people who didn’t appreciate you.

“darling, look at me” he spoke softly, eyes meeting yours.

“i promise you that no one here thinks you are too much, i mean we have that falcon guy and spider boy, i can assure you they won’t tell you to tone it down” he reassured you and you shrugged your shoulders.

“how about we make a deal” loki smirked and you looked at him with narrow eyes.

“what kind of deal” you asked, suspicious of what he would propose.

“you try to come out of your shell more, and I’ll be nicer to the rest of the team” he stated simply, smiling at the way you thought about his deal, he could almost see the gears turning in your head.

“deal” you smiled, turning to look at him and extending you hand out.

He took your hand and pulled you to him, stopping you centimeters away from his face.

“may i?” He asked, eyes focused on your lips.

“yeah” you whispered breathlessly, crashing your lips onto his.

You both pulled away, a smile on your faces, you laughed at the way he immediately pulled you in for more.

You and Loki left your room not long after, knowing the team would be out and about despite it being almost 12 am.

“hi guys” steve smiled and you returned it, walking at bit faster before loki stopped you.

“remember our deal?” he whispered and you internally groaned, nodding and walking over to steve, heart pounding in your chest.

“hi Steve how has your day been?” You smiled, steve was taken back but quickly replied, easily falling into conversation with you.

Loki watched from a far, a smile on his face as you laughed, making conversation with the super soldier. Natasha stood next the Norse god, a smile on her face.

“Glad you could get her out of her shell” she smiled, eyes settling on you talking with Steve and Sam who had joined in.

“she just needed an extra push” Loki smiled, excited to see you become who you really were. Natasha felt her heart grow, she couldn’t wait for the team to appreciate you for who you always have been.

#loki fluff #loki x reader #loki #loki laufeyson #loki laufeyson x reader

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bratkook · 5 years ago

Text

rough hands. (m) jjk

pairing : tattooed!jungkook x tattooed!reader (slight fuckboy!jk)

word count : 12k, (i hate myself why cant i ever write anything shorter than 10k goodbye)

genre : (fr)enemies to lovers, smut, this is for @mygukandonly ty for the idea and for sharing my thirst for jungkook lmao also ps. if you read this/enjoy it pls reblog bc tumblrs tags are dead af tysm

warnings : overstimulation, dirty talk (its kinda sweet tho?), playful banter during sex, unprotected sex

summary : how is he meant to confess that he’d tear off his left arm for you if you asked when he can see the way you look at him in disgust when his nervous rambling leads to retelling the raunchy stories of girl’s past

The muffled sound of your roommate and his best friend laughing in the kitchen can be heard through your bedroom wall, a smile spreading across your face when you hear Hoseok’s telltale joyous laugh, no doubt in the middle of telling a story.

You rake your fingers through your hair once more, fluffing it up and stepping back from the mirror to give yourself a once over, your hands tugging down on the tight dress you had on. The black shiny latex hugging your curves in all the right spots and you smirk as excitement fills you when you think of the dumb shit you and your best friend Rina were going to get into tonight.

In the kitchen Hoseok pours another shot for himself and Jungkook, the two of them energized at going out tonight as well, the video game demo they had been working on at work had gotten approved, being given the green light to move further into it so they would be celebrating tonight. The rest of his friends were set to arrive at your shared apartment for some pregame drinks before they left to their designated bar of choice.

“Y/N! Take a shot.” Hoseok shouts out when you step out of the hallway, his head peeking out by the breakfast bar to see you. He’s wearing a simple white tshirt, his colorful tattooed arms on full display as he holds out a shot glass for you to take. As you step closer to grasp it Jungkook’s eyes bulge out at what you’re wearing, he chooses to throw back his shot, letting the burn of tequila take his mind off how hot you looked. Jungkook has had it bad for you for so long, you and Jungkook have ran in the same circle since high school, not exactly friends but there was always a mutual friend linking you two together.

Jeon Jungkook has always been shameless, even at the young age of 16, when his hair was all bangs and the only thing on his mind was bands, shows, and girls. His debauchery only worsened in college when his muscles bulked up and he started experimenting with tattoos, there is nothing horny college girls love more than a man with long black hair and inked sleeves so of course he embraced it.

The social circle you two shared slowly dwindled away after the first year of college as people dropped out, moved out of state or started a career while you finished your schooling. Because of that, you hadn’t really seen or heard much about Jungkook during your last year of college, not sure if he ever finished, dropped out or took a year off. It wasn’t until fate had you responding to a room mate needed ad that lead you to Jung Hoseok and in turn leading you right back to Jeon Jungkook, full circle.

And in that reunion it was made clear that he had stayed exactly the same, the same 16 year old mentality trapped inside a bulked out tattooed man, his new found goal being getting under your skin because he loved seeing you upset.

Your eyes meet Jungkook’s as you grab the shot glass, standing right beside Hoseok as he pours himself yet another shot. He just smirks at you, noticing your added height with the platform shoes you have on, “If you wear those shoes you can get on all the rides at Disney.”

He hides his smile behind the glass, seeing you roll your eyes as you throw back the shot, glaring at him once you swallow it, “Oh shut up, I’m normal sized, it’s not my fault you’re a fucking Titan.”

Hoseok laughs loudly at your comeback, his shoulders nudging Jungkook and seeing him fighting back a smile at your reaction, “Touché.”

The contents of the tequila bottle start to dry out so Hoseok pushes it away, opting for grabbing a cup to start making drinks to pace himself until his friends show up. You have the beginnings of a buzz warming you up, sliding out your phone to see that Rina texted you to come over, wanting to pregame as well before you went out together.

As you start texting her back your ears tune in to the story Jungkook had decided to start telling, reminiscing on the last time they had all gone out to that dive bar. His hands are animated as he tells Hoseok about the drunk girl he had his eyes on, the both of them ending up in the gross bathroom while she gave him a sloppy blowjob, stopping halfway through to puke all over the floor and how it had absolutely wounded his ego. Him and Hoseok are bent over in hysterics as you lock your phone and roll your eyes, like clockwork Jungkook had to start talking about his sexual escapades, “And that’s my cue to fuck off.”

You shove your phone into your tiny side bag as you start to walk away and Jungkook presses his lips together as he realizes once again he said something he shouldn’t have. Hoseok turns to look at you, “You sure you don’t wanna come out with us? It’ll be more fun than that fetish club you’re into.”

You laugh at him, acting as if he didn’t frequent that club as well, “Is Iseul joining you?”

He frowns at the mention of his girlfriend, getting a little sad that she would in fact not be joining him, “No, she’s got an early shift tomorrow so she cant.”

“Sorry but if she’s not there I’m not interested.” You tease with a shrug, throwing your arm up in a wave before leaving your apartment, the door slamming behind you.

Jungkook instantly sulks once you’re gone, mentally slapping himself for always managing to say stupid shit around you. He couldn’t help himself, the small crush he had spawned in high school when you were still the timid girl that wore band tees two sizes too big, and now that you had matured into this, all leather and stockings and tattoos that rivaled his, that crush had bloomed and with it came plenty of wet dreams and fantasies.

He knew he stuck his foot in his mouth every time you two ended up in the same vicinity but his usual confident and cocky self became a nervous fucking wreck around you. His brain chose to either rile you up with mean jokes or let his mouth run on autopilot. Unfortunately the only two topics programmed in consisted of shit regarding his job as an audio engineer for video games or his raunchy one night stands. More often than not it was the latter, talking about vulgar things made you walk away, if he talked about technical shit that you didn’t know about, it left room for questions from you and more of a chance for him to embarrass himself.

He uncaps the tequila bottle again and tips it back, taking a swig from the bottle and accepting that he’d have to live with annoying you from afar.

Its not until you come home that night, absolutely hammered, while hes there that he gets the first glimpse that maybe his dreams aren’t so far fetched. He’s stood in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, the buzz of the night having left him a while ago, a bowl of cheerios in his hand that he’s currently shoveling into his mouth when you stumble in, tripping over the doors threshold as you giggle and attempt to shut it quietly as to not wake up Hoseok.

Jungkook smirks with a mouthful of cereal as you press your forehead against the door and double over in hushed laughter, no doubt remembering something stupid that happened earlier. “You okay?” He finally speaks up, scaring you, you whip around in shock and slam your back against the door, a small whimper of pain leaving you as you slide down until your butt meets the floor.

“Oh shit.” He sets his bowl down and goes over to make sure you’re okay, your body is slumped on the floor with your legs sprawled out and he forces himself to just stare at your face, a small frown on it now that you realize how drunk you are. But thanks to that, the usual dont touch me attitude you normally have is missing, letting Jungkook scoop you up by the arms. He swallows as his fingers go down to tug the hem of your dress since it had rode up from you sliding down, his fingers lingering slightly on your thigh.

Your head lolls over now that he’s holding you up and away from the wall, a small smile on your face as you stare at him, your finger coming up to gently prod at the bar he has in the center of his lip, seeing them curl up as well because fuck are you drunk.

Your eyes are having trouble focusing on him with the dim light and the two shots you took just as you left the bar finally settling into your system but you make him out just fine, the weird orange glow coming from the kitchen illuminating him enough for you to see him. “You’re really cute in this lighting.” You slur out.

Jungkook just blushes, not knowing how to respond to you because you complimenting him was not the norm. When your brain decides that your head is far too heavy to hold up it drops back, showing him the expanse of your neck and the beautiful peony you have at the side of it, just under your ear, leading up to the spot where your neck meets your collarbone and Jungkook can’t stop himself from thinking of sucking hickeys into the skin there, the purple splotches coloring the blackwork tattoo.

“Wow, you’re sloshed.” He hauls you up, the muscles on his body clearly not being for show as he carries you to your room. He flicks the light on and gently places you on your mattress, hearing you groan in protest but otherwise not moving. His hands start to unbuckle the straps to your shoes, cute leopard print platform heels with the words doll face adorning the toe strap and it was very much you.

They land on your hardwood floor with a loud thud but you don’t register it, your eyes staying shut as you shove your face into your sheets. He opts for leaving you in your dress, shoes were fine but clothing was uncharted territory so he just unfolds the fluffy throw blanket at the edge of your bed and drapes it over you. His hands turn you over until you’re on your side, a stack of pillows at your back so he knows you won’t run the risk of choking on your puke if the situation arises. When he knows you’re no longer at risk of dying he starts to get up, your hands coming to grasp his and it startles him to see your drunk eyes blinking at him softly.

Your lips are moving but he can’t make out what you’re saying so he inches closer, “Huh?”

When hes about a foot away your hands cup his cheeks and bring him in for a quick kiss, the scent of vodka filling his nose as he feels the softness of your lips, “Thank you Jungkookie.” The phrase slurs together in an almost incomprehensible sentence but he hears it as he pulls back, your eyes shutting and your hands dropping and laying limp beside you as you knock out.

Jungkook just stands at the edge of your bed, watching you sleep for a moment before he scurries out to the living room, forgetting about his cereal and collapsing onto the couch to crash, his hands rubbing his eyes almost as if he’s trying to wake himself up from the dream he swears hes in.

His night had been restless, he couldn’t even blame it on sleeping on a couch, he usually did that when he and Hoseok went out and he had to carry his best friend home. No his dreams had consisted of you and that damned latex dress, the small innocent kiss you gave him spurring him on, so he was thankful when he woke up and no longer had to be scared of you walking in on him saying some shit in his sleep.

Hes currently sprawled out on the couch, shirtless with his grey sweats on, one hand tucked behind his head as the other fiddled with his phone, scrolling through instagram and shamelessly rewatching your story for the millionth time. He just couldn’t stop replaying a video of you speaking into the camera, very drunk with a massive smile as you tried to get your friend who was in the background to face the camera, erupting into a laugh that made him smile along.

His finger presses down on his screen, pausing the video as his ears pick up the sound of a bedroom door opening, either Hoseok was up or you were. He wasn’t sure who he was hoping for but when he sees his friend walk out of his room with bedhead he wishes it was you.

Hoseok smacks his lips together a few times, his squinty eyes looking at Jungkook as he smiles, “How’d those jäger shots treat you?”

Jungkook laughs as he recalls Hoseok egging everyone on to take more of them, sitting up and ruffling his wavy hair, “I can still bounce back as quick as I did when I was 16.”

Hoseok just groans, his palm rubbing his forehead, “Wait until you hit 26.” He waddled into the kitchen and begins rummaging around, the sound of pills shaking in a container being a telltale sign that Hoseok desperately needed advil.

“Hungry?” He calls out and Jungkook hums in response, he was very hungry, he hadn’t wanted to get up and make himself food since last time he did he had mistakenly used up the last of your oat milk and you had been furious, tossing the empty carton at his head when you had tried to make yourself a bowl of cereal. “You cool with pancakes?”

“Dude you could give me a still frozen eggo waffle and I’d be grateful.”

Hoseok laughs loudly at his statement, pots and pans clanking together as he sets up and Jungkook winces, your bedroom shared a wall with the kitchen so it was only a matter of time until the noise woke you up.

It takes roughly 15 minutes of Hoseok chatting and the noise of the mixer to stir you from your sleep. Your mouth is dry and your eyes are pulsing from your headache when you fully awake, pushing yourself up from your bed you’re confused as to how you even got into it. The black dress you wore dug into your skin, the straps leaving deep imprints in your shoulders from the way you slept.

“What the hell.” You moan out, rolling your neck and staring down at the mountain of pillows that were laid out in a specific shape. Had Hoseok hauled your ass to bed last night?

The muffled sounds of chatter start back up, the smell of pancakes slipping under the crack in your door and you grin, hoping Hoseok had added chocolate chips into the mix.

Pancakes were a necessity right now, your stomach felt hollow and from past experiences if you waited too long to eat after drinking all night your hangover would last way longer, so you stand up, your sore feet aching as you shuffle to your drawers and pull out comfortable clothes.

When your door creaks open Jungkook stops talking, his fork staying impaled in the pancakes as the sound of your feet padding on the hardwood floor gets closer. Hes sat on the tall barstool facing the breakfast bar, Hoseok stood on the other side of it, both of them in the middle of eating when you finally show yourself.

Your eyes zero in on Jungkook and you frown, hes sitting shirtless, half of his back and side facing you, letting you see the swirls of black ink that cover the majority of his body. Your eyes follow the dragon that starts on his shoulder, tracing the head all the way down as its body curves and twists until the tail peaks away under the hem of his sweats, but you can’t drool over him, no matter how delicious he looked so you opt for being a brat.

“Don’t you have a home?”

Hoseok chokes on his laughter, seeing Jungkooks cheeks redden as he stares back at his plate. Did you not remember planting one on him last night? You were very drunk but c’mon, could the universe throw him a bone for once.

“Here, your stacks are over there, chocolate chips and all.” Hoseok flicks behind him, your gaze following and seeing the plate of pancakes with your name written all over it. The smile you have contrasts deeply with the look you had just given Jungkook, you were a sucker for chocolate chip pancakes.

You walk into the kitchen space and fix yourself up a plate, scooping out some of the leftover eggs in the pan and choosing to stand next to Hobi instead of sitting beside Jungkook. You’re both crammed on the small counter space beside the sink, the two of you had never gotten around to buying a dining table and always suffered the consequences so you always managed.

You lift up the plate to your nose and inhale, sighing in appreciation, “Hoseok, Iseul is one lucky lady. Why hasn’t she put a ring on it yet?” You tease, setting the plate down and grabbing the syrup bottle to drown your pancakes in the sticky goodness.

Jungkook is blatantly staring at your plate in disgust, his eyes looking between his plate and your own, your pancakes covered in the thick syrup, the excess dripping off and pooling into your eggs.

“Jesus what.” You snap, setting the bottle down rather aggressively, sending him daggers as his face scrunches up at your food.

“Thats fucking disgusting.”

“You like your pancakes bone dry, I don’t fucking judge you so don’t judge me. We’ll see who’s laughing when you’re choking on your dry ass food.”

Hoseok just stands there as he eats his eggs, a stupid smirk on his face as you banter like children. It’s always entertaining for him, he wishes he could record every interaction because you and Jungkook were the same person, the same sick sense of humor and quick drags made for some interesting comebacks.

He can see Jungkook getting increasingly flustered as you both continue shooting insults at each other about breakfast food, the dreaded oat milk fiasco being brought up and when you point your fork at Jungkook threateningly thats when Hoseok steps in as referee. “Alright, alright children enough!”

He raises his arms up, silencing you both and forcing you to drop your makeshift weapon, “Jungkook, you know the oat milk scandal is a sensitive subject so minus 10 points for bringing it up.” Jungkook glares when you poke your tongue out at him, “And Y/N, Jungkooks right, you drowning your shit in syrup is disgusting so minus 15 points for that.” And now Jungkook is grinning at you mockingly, enjoying the shock on your face as you look at Hoseok, calling him a traitor and picking up your plate to go eat in your room since no one fucking appreciates me in this stupid house!

When your door slams shut Jungkook chuckles, his tongue prodding at his cheek as he shakes his head and resumes eating his breakfast. Hoseok holds his coffee cup next to his lip as he stares at his friend, “You two fight like a married couple.”

Jungkook’s reaction is immediate, scoffing and rolling his eyes, “She’s just annoying.”

Hoseok hums, nodding along like he believes Jungkook, “Ah, so are we both still pretending you don’t have it bad for her?”

That gets a real reaction from the younger boy, his eyes darting to the wall that you share with the kitchen before glaring back at his friend, “Dude!” He whines, his shoulders sagging, “Do you want her to hear you?” Hoseok just cackles, grabbing his dishes and placing them in the sink to start washing them. Jungkook just continues grumbling to himself, his fork clanking against the plate as he stabs his pancakes aggressively.

“Give yourself some credit Kook, she doesn’t hate you like you think she does.” Jungkook found that hard to believe, your morning greeting of accusing him of being homeless due to him always being at your place showed him how you really felt, but last night was the first time he had felt like maybe deep down you thought he was cute enough to kiss.

“Last night,” he starts off, setting his fork down, “she came home at like 4am totally wasted, I don’t even know how she managed to climb the stairs up to the front door. I carried her to bed and she uh, she kissed me.” He whispers the last part, his eyes glancing at the shared wall again, praying you were listening to music and not hearing this conversation.

Hoseok shuts off the faucet, whipping around with wide eyes, “Huh? Like coherently kissed you with tongue down your throat or like drunk peck kissed you?”

“The second one.”

The expression on Hoseoks face doesn’t comfort Jungkook, he’s pouting in sympathy, “I mean, she kisses Iseul with tongue and everything-”

“Okay but-wait what?” Jungkook stops himself from interrupting further, his interested piqued in hearing about you and Hoseok’s girlfriend making out. It was a regular occurrence, if you both got drunk enough the compliments began and before Hoseok knew it you and his girlfriend were swapping spit and then acting like nothing happened as you entered the dance floor.

His friend rolls his eyes at the look Jungkook throws at him, “Yeah, I think Iseul loves her more than me.”

“Okay well tell her to get in fucking line.” Jungkook jokes, “But no, she kissed me last night and considering she doesn’t like me within her bubble it has to mean something right?”

Hoseok pats his hands dry as he approaches the breakfast bar again, Jungkook looks unsure, his teeth nibbling on his lip piercing as he stares at him. The conversation had switched over drastically from Jungkook pretending he wouldn’t lay his body across a puddle of water for you to cross, now he looked like a nervous teenager that didn’t want to get rejected by his crush.

“I don’t know dude, you’re gonna have to say something to find out.”

Hoseok knew more than he would ever tell Jungkook, you had openly confessed to wanting to climb him like a tree only if he wore a muzzle a few months back so Hoseok knew Jungkook had a chance at least. The only issue was he wasn’t sure just sleeping with you would be enough for his friend, the crush he had been harboring was too strong for a one night stand and he wasn’t convinced you’d want the same so Hoseok kept his mouth shut, letting you two figure it out.

He tried his best to make it so you two would be around each other, always inviting Jungkook over or inviting you out with them but Jungkook never did himself any favors, he needed you guys to hang out in a different environment that didn’t require loud music and other girls so when his girlfriend suggests taking a weekend trip to her family’s lake cabin he doesn’t think twice before inviting you to join.

The weather lately had been miserable, the highs skyrocketing into the 100s so you didn’t hesitate to say yes, on the condition that you could bring your best friend with you just in case the rest of Hoseoks friends were just as immature as Jungkook was.

When the day comes you and your friend have to leave a few hours after the rest of the group does, having to wait for Rina to get off her short morning shift before you embark on the 2 hour drive. So walking into the cabin you’re met with some unfamiliar faces staring back at you from their place on the couch. You give a wave, spotting Iseul on a lounger, she smiles widely and hops up, bounding over to you and wrapping you in a hug.

“Yay, you made it!” She pulls back and greets Rina, standing beside you both and gesturing to the full room. “Guys this is Y/N and Rina.” They all wave back as she starts to introduce them in order, Jimin had red hair and a nose ring, Yoongi had grey hair and a rose tattoo on his hand, The last one to be introduced is Taehyung, brown hair and a wide smile, giving you and your friend a wave. Jungkook and Hoseok give you a wave as well, no introductions needed for them.

Due to your late arrival all the rooms have already been decided on, Jimin and Yoongi lucking out with securing the master suite but you and Rina had no complaints, grateful to have even been invited.

Now that introductions were out of the way and everyone was here Hoseok announces that hes gonna start up the grill outside to make some food. Everyone gets up to start assisting but you and Rina head back out to haul your bags in along with the alcohol and groceries you bought.

The weather is humid and gross, your skin tacky with sweat so you’re wearing the least amount of clothing you can. Already in a stringy gray bikini, a loose cut up tank top and the shortest shorts Jungkook has ever seen on you. Your tattoos on full display, the florals that cover your entire left arm, reaching your shoulder, he follows them up and over his eyes glued to the bold lines on your back that peek out when your shirt moves.

When you bend over to set down the box of drinks he stares at your ass, trailing down the soft skin of your thighs that were bare compared to the rest of your body. Tae elbows him harshly, “So thats Y/N I’m assuming?”

Jungkook grunts in response, swallowing when he sees you pull your hair up, exposing your neck and that tattoo he desperately wants to mark up, “You ever gonna make a move?”

“I don’t have the balls.”

Tae hums, “Great, well I do so see ya.” He slaps his arm and Jungkook thinks hes joking until Taehyung actually makes his way over to you, offering to help carry your bag to your room upstairs. The grateful smile you give him makes Jungkooks face twitch, you only ever smiled at him like that when you were wasted

Taehyung wasn’t actually going to hit on you, he wasn’t a cruel friend. He was just going to flirt harmlessly, give Jungkook a reason to fucking make a move. Rina is all giggles as she watches you follow Tae up the stairs, pointing towards the room you had been assigned.

As he walks in front of you, making friendly conversation you take the time to stare at him. It seems all of Jung Hoseoks friends were fucking god sent, Tae’s fluffy brown hair and kind eyes were easy to warm up to, his style more toned down than Jungkooks, only a few minimal tattoos scattered on his arms.

He sets your bag down on the bed and turns to you with his hands on his hips, “Thank you.” You mutter out, walking over to the window and shutting the blinds slightly to stop the sun from beating into the room and warming it up further.

“Yeah no problem, have you ever been here before?” He asks, making himself comfy on your bed.

“No, never. Super glad to finally have a friend who can say they have a lake house though.”

He agrees whole heartedly, the both of you making your way back out of the room and into the dining room to try to see what you could help out with.

It only takes less than a hour for everyone to gather around the table, munching on their hamburgers and hotdogs as you listen to Hoseok, Yoongi and Iseul talking about the summers they used to spend here during high school, all of them having grown up together.

“You two went to high school together also right?” Iseul speaks up when the laughter dies down, her fingers pointing between you and Jungkook. She smirks to herself when she sees the look on Jungkook’s face, swatting Hoseoks hand away from her side as he tries to pinch her for putting the two of you on the spot, he knows what shes up to.

“Oh, yeah we did.” You sigh, shaking your head as you think back to high school and all the cringeworthy things that happened. “Had a lot of mutual friends but uh, we didn’t have lake house summer hangouts like you guys did. The closest we got was backyard house shows during the summer that reeked of B.O.”

Jungkook lets out a laugh, nodding along as he remembers the shows your group would end up at. The group you had was a pretty huge on, all of the kids in your grade that liked the same music tended to bunch together and do things as a herd so even though you technically went to shows together it wasn’t one on one.

“Wait, do you remember that show the summer after high school where I dove off the stage–“

“Your dumbass always did that.”

He waves you off, determined to tell the story he sort of remembered, “I know, but this time all I remember was jumping off and then waking up with everyone huddled around me trying to call an ambulance.”

Your eyes widen as you recall the exact day he was talking about, it was a typical backyard show with too many underaged kids getting drunk off beer. Everything was set up like it normally was, a makeshift stage and amps against the brick wall with a small crowd huddled around it. The only difference was this house had a pool, an empty one, and although everyone had been cautioned to stay away, once people got hammered nothing mattered.

The crowd surrounding the stage was teetering close to the edge of the pool so you and your friend at the time chose to watch from the sidelines, and thats when a very drunk 17 year old Jungkook hopped onto the stage, wobbling onto the top of the drum kit and catapulting himself into the crowd. They had managed to catch him and started crowd surfing him back, right into the empty pool. Jungkook had been tossed into the deep end, head first and you had seen it all happen.

“There was so much fucking blood.” You shiver as you recall the group of you running into the pool to make sure he was alive. He had managed to bust his head open and as you saw him with blood dripping down his head you realized then that you really didn’t dislike him as much as you claimed you did because you really didn’t want him to die.

Jungkook throws his head back and laughs loudly, morbidly recalling how his friends had told him to go to the hospital in fear that he had a concussion or needed stitches and even though he said he was fine he was lowkey scared to sleep that night and not wake up the morning after.

Everyone laughs along, enjoying the way Jungkook turns a traumatic story into casual conversation. When Jimin asks what he did after he gained consciousness Jungkook just smirks as he drinks the last of his beer before shrugging, “I drank some more and got back into the crowd.”

You just cover your face in second hand embarrassment at the memory, a few laughs slipping out because yeah it had been slightly traumatic but also kinda funny.

“Have you changed much since high school?” You lift your head and see Taehyung had addressed his question to you and Jungkook chuckles under his breath, remembering your quiet demeanor.

It wasn’t until college that you came out of your shell, gaining confidence and experimenting with your fashion and hair colors, the tattoos covering your body increasing quickly. But Jungkook could say your personality has stayed the same, sure you were no longer timid, quick to bite back now but the personality he had found himself latching onto had stayed the same. Even when you two distanced yourselves he always thought of you, he liked to think it was fate that had you and him both knowing Hoseok.

“Definitely, for the better though.” Jungkook eyes his friend like a hawk, the small smirk on his face as he stares at you from across the table, making eye contact for a second before looking back at you. Jungkook sees the way you lean on the table, your cheeks tinting when you see the way he stares at you.

“I’d love to see photos, ya know, to compare.” The laugh you let out has Jungkook sulking. Taehyung was charming, all the girls flocking to him and usually Jungkook was the same but he turned into a jackass around you.

Hoseok sees his sulking friend and claps his hands to get everyones attention, “Alright I’m sure we’re all still sober enough to not fucking drown, lets go swim. I’m melting.”

Rina heads to the room to change since she was still in her work uniform so you wait for her on the back deck, resting on the porch rail and watching as they haul over fold out chairs and floaties to the water.

If you thought Hoseoks friends were hot fully clothed seeing them all taking their shirts off left you speechless, you stand with a wine cooler in your hand as one by one they start undressing. The only ones missing were Tae and Jungkook, both of them having been put on clean up duty.

“I wish this was a brazzers video and I was getting railed by all of them.” Your friend sighs as she pops up beside you and you just nod along, the two of you wiggling your eyebrows at each other.

“You coming?” Taehyung speaks up behind you, smiling to himself from having heard your friends statement and you two jump, your friend scattering away and saving herself from further embarrassment, she had her eyes set on Yoongi so thats who she was currently warming up to.

“Yeah,” you breathe out, taking in his shirtless body, his toned chest out in the sun like the golden god he was and then out comes Jungkook, his long black hair pushed off his face, fully shirtless in black swim trunks. As he stands next to Taehyung your mouth waters at the sight of both of them, Taehyung’s shoulders were wider than Jungkooks but the black and grey art work spanned across both of his arms and chest, leading to his back is definitely your type.

He catches you staring and smiles to himself, making a show of stretching his arm out to wrap around Taehyungs shoulders, shaking up his body, “Race you in?”

When he looks at you too you gulp down the last bit of your drink, setting down the bottle and slipping out of your clothes, not giving them a second glance as you scream out “Go!” and take off.

The dirt you run on slightly burns your feet and when you hear Jungkook and Taehyung catching up you scream, urging your legs to pick up the pace.

“Loser has to skinny dip!” Taehyung adds on to the rules, enjoying the annoyed look Jungkook sends his way, he knew what Taehyung was doing so he lurches forward until he’s right behind you.

You scream again when large tattooed arms wrap around you and haul you up and over their shoulder in a flash. You register that it’s Jungkook when you peak up and see Taehyung struggling to keep up, how Jungkook was able to carry you while also beating him had him baffled.

Jungkook would be damned if you had to strip in front of his friend so he feels no remorse, a smile stretching across his face when he hears you laughing, his hands are wrapped around your thighs just below your butt and he’s tempted to smack it but the cold water of the lake splashing onto his legs snaps him out of it.

“Fuck!” You screech as Jungkook enters the lake, the freezing water shocking you and he laughs again, sliding you off his shoulder to stand up on the lake bed.

“I didn’t expect it to be that cold.” He shivers next to you, dunking his head into the water before popping back up, his labret piercing glimmering in the sun.

Taehyung makes a show of splashing his way in, the water spraying everywhere and it has you shielding your face with a laugh, “Fucking cheater, is this your plan to see me naked Jungkookie?”

Jungkook smacks the water, the droplets spraying across Taehyungs face but he embraces it, laying back to float on the water with a smile, “No one said anything about getting naked until you spoke up, just say you wanna show off your monster cock and go.” He jokes, hearing Taehyung explode into laughter, choking slightly on the water as his head slips under from laughing.

You roll your eyes at the topic of dicks, “I don’t have a monster cock, unless you’re into that.” Taehyung teases you, trying to get further under Jungkook’s skin

“I could be.” You play along, it was now Jungkooks turn to roll his eyes, sinking further into the water until only his eyes were visible, could he drown himself here? He’s pretty sure you wouldn’t even notice if he didn’t come back up for air considering your eyes were glued to his friend. Jungkook was going to fucking strangle Hoseok for inviting him.

His eyes drift over to the right, seeing Hoseok, Iseul, Yoongi & Rina taking turns jumping off of it while Jimin floats on a flamingo floatie a few feet away. He starts to paddle his way over, not hearing any protest from you or his friend just reassures him that he made the right choice.

When Taehyung deems Jungkook is far enough he calls you closer, “Wanna know a secret?” That piques your interest, inching towards him with a curious face, “What if I told you I know someone who has a massive heart on for you.”

“Heart on?”

He laughs again, raking his hair off his face and nodding at you, “Yeah heart on, like a boner but for your heart.”

Note to self, yes all of Jung Hoseoks friends were just as immature as Jungkook was.

“I would tell you that I hope the person you say isn’t secretly married with kids.”

He floats onto his back again, his arms lazily paddling him to circle around you, “Oh no, our Jungkookie is definitely single.” He brings one hand up to cover his mouth, pretending to have slipped up.

“So what you’re saying is you don’t wanna fuck me?”

Your response is not one he expects but the way he bursts into laughter makes you smile, you had caught on to Taehyung’s antics, noting how he was friendly when you two were alone and only amped his flirting when Jungkook was present. You weren’t sure why he was using you to irritate Jungkook but if what he said was true it surprised you.

His loud laugh draws everyones attention and he rights himself up as to not choke on water again, “Like a brazzers video was it?” He teases, “He told me about your little smooch a few weeks ago.”

“Im sorry our little what?”

He wipes the water off his face, “Yeah, you came home drunk as fuck and he took you to bed and your predator ass planted one on him, with no consent. Shame on you.”

You splash water onto him, Jungkook sees it from his spot on the pier, a scowl on his face at seeing you acting playful with his friend, blissfully unaware that he was the topic of your discussion.

“Can you please grow a pair and tell her you love her.” Iseul moans out when she sees the look on the youngests face.

“Wait what?” Your friend asks and Jungkook turns around to give Iseul and Hoseok an exasperated look, “Seriously?”

Iseul just shrugs from her spot sat on the wood, not giving a damn about outing his crush in front of your friend and Hoseok just smiles, his foot planting on the center of Iseuls back and giving her a shove until she screams as she gets pushed into the water, beer bottle and all. He gives Jungkook a highfive until Iseul pops back up, her eyes full of rage as she holds up her ruined drink, “Jung Hoseok what the fuck!”

“Sorry babe, you kinda deserved it.”

Rina nudges Jungkook with her knee, her face making it very clear that Jungkook needs to fess up before she very loudly called you over. He sighs and hauls himself up until he’s standing and even though he’s towering over her Rinas face doesn’t soften, “Stop staring at me like that.” He grunts, “I just have a crush on her, its not like I confessed to something despicable.”

She crosses her hands over her chest as she stares at you and Taehyung still talking in the water and she can tell you’re not into him, you were both playful but she knew you very well, your flirting tactics not coming out to play with Taehyung but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice this. She also knew that you’d secretly bend over for Jungkook if he ever asked but he didn’t have to know that right now, “Well you better say something cause it looks like your buddys making more progress in one day than you have the entire time you’ve known her.”

He groans in annoyance again, flicking water droplets at her face and deciding he was over this conversation, walking back to the cabin, not caring that he was dripping water everywhere.

You see him stalking away looking pissed off and Taehyung smirks, after coming to terms with the fact that you had in fact kissed Jeon Jungkook it only took a few more minutes of talking for you to also start confessing to not exactly being opposed to sleeping with him as well. Taehyung nudges your shoulder, “I swear to god if you don’t follow him I will be offended. No ones telling you to bang him, just talk because he swears you hate him.”

When you turn to glare at him he spits water at you until you’re relenting, “Fine, but if this is some sick prank I’ll shove my foot up your ass.”

“Ooh kinky.” He winks at you, laughing and beginning to paddle away when you turn and start wading out of the water. The sun beats on your back as you step out of the cold water, and you’re tempted to just go back and act like your conversation with Taehyung never happened but you’re curious now.

When you reach the back porch you hose yourself down, getting rid of any of the mud you trudged over before patting yourself dry with the towel you laid over the porch railing.

From the pier Iseul is pulling herself back up, announcing that she was about to go inside but Hoseok grabs her, all of them noticing you following Jungkook, “Fuck no, Y/N and Jungkook are the only ones in the house.”

She lets Hoseok keep his arms wrapped around her and smiles, crediting herself for being the one to push you two together and Hoseok groans, attempting to push her back into the water but she latches onto him, making them both tumble in with a splash.

You shut out their screams when you step into the house and close the sliding door, entering the kitchen and spotting Jungkook stood against the island, one of your wine coolers held against his lips. When he sees you staring at it he pulls it away quickly, “Shit, I’m sorry. I should’ve asked before grabbing one.” The last thing he needed was another oat milk fiasco.

You just shrug as you approach the island, resting your body against the granite across from him, “Nah, help yourself. Whats got your panties in a bunch?”

He sets the bottle down softly as he watches you, your hands clasped together, stretched out in front of you as you bent over the counter innocently. His teeth tug at the bar in the center of his lip, his inky strands covering his eyes but you can see his gaze peeking through, “Did I ever do anything to you for you to dislike me this much?”

You straighten up at his question, a frown tugging at your lips, you didn’t dislike him, you found him immature and he liked to push your buttons on purpose but you knew he was harmless. Obviously Jungkook didn’t know this considering Taehyung had just told you he thinks you hate him. “What, Jungkook I don’t dislike you?”

He scoffs, taking a swig of his drink with his brows raised, not believing you in the slightest, “Then why are you so mean to me when ever I’m around you.”

“Because you’re mean to me! You always say shit to get under my skin.”

Jungkook laughs at that, pushing his hair back and tossing the empty bottle into the paper bag set up on the counter, “Yeah because you’re easy to annoy.”

Your arms stretch out at his statement, “And so are you, you don’t see me moping like a baby. Besides I didn’t do anything to you out there so don’t try to pin your bad attitude on me today.”

He opens the fridge again, pulling out a water bottle instead before turning back around and staring at you, “Really, you didn’t do anything?”

You glare right back at him, walking around to meet him and snatch the water bottle out of his hands, call it even for him taking one of your wine coolers. “Please enlighten me on how I managed to ruin your day by not saying a word to you.”

Between you two running into the lake until he paddled away the only exchange you had was a curse word & Jungkook acknowledging the freezing water, where could you have possibly pissed him off.

He chooses on foregoing grabbing another water, his hands crossing over his chest, the muscles bulging out at the action but you force yourself to look away, “You objectifying my friend and talking about his monster cock isn’t you doing anything?”

You freeze from drinking the water, your cheeks ballooning out as you keep it in your mouth because what the fuck. Objectifying? You swallow the liquid, full on laughing now, theres no way he’s being serious. “You were the one that brought up his dick, are you dense?”

Okay, you had him there but he wasn’t going to admit defeat that easy, “Sure and you kept it going.”

You laugh louder at that, twisting the cap back onto the water bottle and tossing it at his chest lightly, smirking when you see him scramble to catch it, “The amount of times I’ve had to hear unwarranted stories about your dick in or around someone is fine but me joking with Taehyung is crossing a line?”

Jungkook presses his lips together, his mind repeating what everyone has been telling him all day. Tell her you jackass. “Yes because it fucking sucks hearing that shit from you.” He bites his tongue, stopping himself from blurting out the most important part, but his statement is enough to get you to believe what Taehyung had said earlier. Did Jungkook actually have a heart on for you?

“Why, are you jealous?”

“Yes.” He admits almost immediately, his response catching you both off guard, but the smirk on your face only gets bigger. Jungkook is wary of your reaction, not exactly fond of the way you look like you just caught your prey. When you reach out, your fingers gently touching his shoulders his wariness only deepens.

“Why would you be jealous about me wanting to fuck your friend?” Jungkook says nothing, your fingers continuing to trail up and down his shoulders softly and he likes the feeling of you touching him, wanting to lean into your touch but he’s not sure if you’re fucking with him or not. “Who knew all it would take was one kiss for Jeon Jungkook to get possessive.”

He blanches at your sentence, “Wait you remember?”

“Of course I do,” you lie, not wanting to tell him that Taehyung had been the one to remind you. You wanted to see how far you could push him until he admitted to something. The typical Jungkook you were used to was the one who went to bars and clubs and managed to score a handful of girls numbers before taking one home, the countless stories you’ve heard being proof of that. The Jungkook stood in front of you did not live up to the reputation you had seen.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I mean you were wasted so I just didn’t think you’d remember...” he trails off, unconsciously stepping back until hes pressed against the fridge.

“You wanna refresh my memory?” You’re half teasing him, half serious, enjoying seeing Jungkook looking like he’s about to explode.

He doesn’t get a chance to respond, the sound of the sliding door making you take a big step back before looking over. Jimin had his head peeking through the opening, a small grimace on his face as he realizes he interrupted something, “Sorry, we’re gonna go tubing if you guys wanna join.”

Jungkook hopes you say no because he can’t find the balls to speak up but you nod instead, turning to face Jungkook again, “Maybe later then.” Is all you say before turning around and following Jimin back out to the lake.

He watches you leave, bending over the island and groaning into the granite, where had that come from and why was he kinda into the way you spoke to him? Jungkook stands back up, taking a gulp of his water and following after you and Jimin.

Even when you’re all gathered on the boat, Rina being dragged in a giant circle tube beside Yoongi the both of them screaming, he can’t get your conversation out of him mind. His eyes focused in on seeing you laughing hysterically as you record your friend, a smile spreading across his face because your laugh is contagious.

When you hop onto the tube next, dragging Taehyung with you to further egg Jungkook on, Jimin slides over beside Jungkook and sighs, “Sorry about barging in earlier.” Jungkook just shakes his head, telling him not to worry about it, he didn’t mind it. Your words had spurred him on and all he wanted to do now was rip off that lifejacket you wore and take you in front of his friends but he knew no one would appreciate it.

Later in the night everyone gathers inside and does their own thing, a few people playing board games while you retreat into your room, feeling sluggish from the water and sun so you sleep through the dinner everyone eats.

When you finally emerge from the room, your hair damp from your shower you find the living room dimly lit and empty, the clock above the stove letting you know it was 9 at night. There was two plates left out on the counter, wrapped in foil and you knew it was meant for you. As you near it you see the scrap of paper next to it, Iseul’s handwriting standing out.

Left on a hike to go stargazing, text us when its clear to come back.

You frown at the message, what did she mean by that?

Regardless you peel back the foil and smile at the food she had left for you, popping it into the microwave and picking yourself up to hop onto the counter as you wait.

When you slip your phone out and start to scroll through your socials the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs scares you, your eyes flicking up and seeing Jungkook trudging down, a baggy crew neck on him and his face looking flushed from the sun hitting it.

“You didn’t go on the hike?” You ask as he approaches you slowly, his face looks sleepy and you can tell he also took a nap from the way his eyes blink at you lazily.

“Hike?” He rasps out, his hand ruffling up his already messy hair, a small frown on his face from the foggy feeling he still had from just waking up.

“Yeah,” you hum, pulling out your plate and starting to eat it on the counter, “they left on a hike or something. Theres a plate there if you haven’t already eaten.”

He looks at where you’re pointing and he smiles when he sees it, his eyes also spotting the note left and skimming it. His friends were such instigators.

He lingers behind you, torn between eating or doing something to you. You’re hunched over the counter, your legs rocking you against it as you happily much on some of the roasted potatoes. His eyes lingered on your legs, your skin still exposed in a loose pair of cotton shorts, a baggy tshirt hanging off your shoulder and letting him see the tattoo of a bee hovering over a sunflower.

You can feel him stood behind you and you freeze, looking over your shoulder at him with your brows raised, “Why are you standing like that?”

He shakes his head, relaxing the stiff way he stood and leaning against the counter instead, flicking his hair out of his face as you keep staring at him. “Just thinking about what you said earlier.”

You pop a piece of chicken in your mouth as you hum, “What did I say?” pretending to act confused, a smirk curling up on your lip when you see the deadpan look he give you as he pushes off the counter.

The nervous Jungkook from earlier is gone, the shock from you egging him on earlier had passed and it just solidified that he wanted to have you. “About me refreshing your memory of our little rendezvous.”

You laugh at his term, setting your fork down to fully turn to him, “Do you want me to kiss you again?”

He smirks at you, now standing a foot away from you, your back pressed against the counter as you craned your head up to stare at him, “Among other things.”

“Other things?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles, his hand reaching out to cup under your chin gently, “I’d like to bend you over this counter and fuck you until you’re crying. If you’re into that.” He smiles at the small gasp you let out, your eyes gleaming with desire at his words. You had thought you had the one up on him earlier but his change was a welcomed one, you wanted to experience the Jungkook you had heard about, rough and cocky.

You rest back onto your elbows as you stare at him, letting his thumb rub under your lip, “Oh really? Are you all talk?”

Jungkook scoffs, dropping his hands to cage you between him and the counter, his head dropping down a bit until your noses nudged together. “No, I always deliver.”

You don’t get a chance to respond, his head tilting slightly until your lips are together, the cold bar of his piercing pressing against you. Jungkook feels you relax into the kiss, glad that you weren’t pushing him away like he always swore you would. When he tests the water, gently licking his way into your mouth you groan, your hands coming up to clutch onto his sweater to tug him closer until his leg is between yours.

Kissing Jungkook felt natural, maybe it was the pent of sexual frustration you two had apparently had with one another but you just wanted to get to it. You drop one hand to trail down his thigh, palming his growing erection through his sweats.

He groans, pulling back from the kiss to rest his forehead against your, his soft breaths hitting your face as you continue to stroke him. “Feel that?” He hums softly, “Just wanna fuck you.”

You laugh gently, kissing his neck and feeling him roll his hips into your grasp, “How are you supposed to make me cry when you’re this needy?” Your teeth nip his skin, his hips stuttering when you do.

Jungkook just chuckles, the sound continuing when he trails his own hand down until hes dipping into waistband of your shorts, his fingers coming into contact with the wet spot on your underwear, “Keep it up.” He warns, “I’ll remember that in a bit.”

Your hands tighten their hold on him when he pushes your underwear aside to touch you directly, his fingers teasing your skin softly until he’s rolling your clit in a tantalizing manner. When you drop your head back and glare at him he just smiles, “Who’s needy now?”

“Still not crying.” You bite back.

Jungkook looks at you with his brows raised, new set determination on his face as he nods, stepping back from you and hooking his fingers into the waistband of your shorts and underwear, tugging them down your legs in a flash.

The cool air inside hits your wet folds and you gasp, kicking your discarded clothing aside on the floor and letting him drop to his knees in front of you. His long hair falls in front of his eyes, his hands grasping the top of your thighs to slide your legs apart with a grin.

He can see you wanting to speak up so he beats you to the punch, his nose nudging into your clit as he teasingly dips his tongue in between your folds to lick a broad stripe up. You let out a shuddered laugh, your hands reaching down to tangle in his head when he spreads you open with his fingers and starts to eat you out like a man starved.

Your eyes shut, your head falling back at a particular hard suck he gives your clit, his tongue going back to circle around your entrance to lap up your wetness. He groans at the taste of you, your hands tugging at his hair when he falls into a rhythm that has you quivering.

He slips two fingers into you, the feeling of your walls clamping down on him making him moan in anticipation of how you would feel around his cock.

Just like Jungkook is in every aspect of his life, he’s shameless in the way he pleasures you, the sounds of him slurping against you in combination with his fingers thrusting into you has you hurdling towards the edge faster than you’d like to admit.

You rest your weight on your elbow behind you, feeling your legs start to tremble and Jungkook notices, his arm wrapping around your thigh to help stabilize you. He can’t even get himself to gloat at having you fall apart this quickly, instead he enjoys you rolling your hips into his face, tugging his hair hard, your inner walls spasming as you reach your climax.

“Oh fuck.” You moan out, squeezing your eyes shut as your whole body is lit up, Jungkooks tongue continuing to flick your clit as you cum, his fingers slowing down slightly as you come down.

He can hear you breathing harshly, your fingers gently raking through his hair while he gives your pussy one last kiss before hes standing back up. His mouth and chin are covered in your arousal, his hand tugs up his shirt to wipe at his face, peeling it off his body and tossing it carelessly onto the floor.

“You’re not crying but its a start.” He mumbles out, his eyes trailing over your face as you stare at him fucked out. His talk was true, the small tidbits you’ve heard of him being able to make girls cum in record time hadn’t been a lie to boost his ego.

You look between you both, seeing his cock tenting in his sweats and you smile as you reach your hand into them, wrapping around his heavy length. He sees how your eyes widen at his size, you can tell he’s big and you haven’t even properly seen it yet.

When you tug them off you marvel at his size, big dicks would forever be your weakness and of course he’d have one. “I really wanna suck your dick,” you start, a small smile creeping up on your face as you give his cock a small pump, “but I’m not trying to barf my dinner up on the floor. Can’t have two girls puking over your dick in your lifetime right?” You knew his dick would make you choke and if you hadn’t just eaten you wouldn’t care, but barfing was definitely not a kink of yours.

Jungkook rolls his eyes, a laugh escaping his lips, “You’re the worst.” He shuts his eyes as you both start to chuckle. Jungkook doesn’t care, he was trying to make you cry, he didn’t need to have his dick sucked to do that.

“Its not just my height thats Titan size huh.” He jokes, laughing harder when you release his dick and groan, your faux annoyance being shown when you let him slide your shirt off of you, his hands coming up to cup your exposed breasts.

“No, I am not calling your dick Titan sized.”

“Oh no?” He asks, stepping closer until his length is pressed between your folds, a slow thrust starting that has you groaning, “This Titan dick can make you feel real good though.” He can barely utter out the sentence until he’s laughing again, burying his head into your neck at how stupid he sounded.

“You’re insufferable, I swear if you have an attack on titan fantasy I am walking away.” He lets out a playful whine, his mouth latching onto that tattoo he always wanted to kiss, his tongue softly licking at the skin as he sucks it, pulling back and humming when he sees the purple splotch in between the petals of the peony.

“I’m not that big of a weeb, can still make you feel good tho.” He mutters giving your lips another kiss, feeling you smile against him, your hands pushing him back by the chest.

You turn around, bending over the counter and shaking your hips slightly, “Show me.”

He bites his lip, his eyes staring at the slick coating your pussy, trailing down your thighs and he feels his dick twitch, not needing to be told twice. Jungkook presses his length against you, rutting between your folds, the both of you sighing as he coats his dick in your wetness.

“Remember, I wanna see you crying.” Is all he says before he’s pushing into you, the tip of him slipping in and he marvels at the way you spread around his girth as he thrusts further into you, a small moan leaving you when he bottoms out.

You wanna tell him that you won’t be crying tonight but the way he fills you up has you seeing stars, his dick nudging all the right spots inside of you so all you can do is tighten your walls around him and gasp for him to move.

Jungkook grasps your hips, his thumb tracing the outline of your back tattoo as he pulls back and starts a slow pace, determined to find the rhythm that has you falling apart.

When your hands grip the counter in front of you, helplessly trying to find purchase, your fingers knock into your dinner plate and swipe it into the sink beside you but you don’t register the noise and Jungkook grins when he hears the loud moan coming from you when he dick hits the back wall of your cervix.

You’re still sensitive from your last orgasm, so the feel of his thick cock stretching you open has you keening, your hips rutting back to meet his thrusts that have grown in speed, “Who’s needy now huh?” He grunts out, loving the sound of your skin slapping together, “Trying to fuck yourself on my cock, maybe you should do all the work then.”

When his hips still you whimper, twisting your head around to see him giving you an evil smirk, “Go on.” He urges, guiding your hips with his hands to get your started.

A heavy sigh fills the air as your hands press firmly onto the counter to ground yourself as you start to rock back onto him, a slow start until your need to cum again takes over and you speed up your movements.

“Good girl.” He praises, his hand reaching forward to push your hair over your shoulder, his hand trailing down your spine until it reaches your ass, his hand palming your flesh as he groans when he locks into the view of his dick, seeing the way you’re creaming on it.

The sweetest moans reach his ears, he can feel the way your velvety walls tighten around him further, “Fuck Jungkook.” You moan out, you can feel the sweat building up on your skin from exertion and he takes sympathy on you, knowing you want to cum again.

He leans over a presses a kiss against your shoulder before he takes over again, resuming the brutal pace he was pounding you with earlier and you sigh in relief, fully slumping forward and letting him have his way with you.

“You feel so good Jungkookie.” You breathe out and he smiles as he lets his hand slip around to your front, his fingers finding your clit again and the contact has you moaning again. His rough hands helping you reach your peek again, “Oh my god, don’t stop.”

He doesn’t plan on it, loving the way you’re clamping down on him and mumbling nonsense into the cool granite, “Don’t worry, I got you.”

With a few more thrusts you’re falling apart, pressing your forehead against the counter and moaning his name out louder than you thought was possible. Your friends made a good call vacating the house because there was no way you’d be able to keep quiet.

“Thats it.” He coos, pulling his hand away from your clit without slowing down his pace. Your legs felt like jello, glad you had a place to rest on while he continued to jackhammer into you. The first signs of overstimulation started to prick into you, small whines leaving your lips and Jungkook takes notice.

He pulls out of you slowly, his hands grasping your hips to turn you around. Your body is pliable in his hands, letting him move you and haul you up onto the counter, your feet dangling off the edge and a hazy smile on your face.

He presses another kiss against you, letting your tongues tangle together as he grabs your arms and wraps them around his neck, coming back down to hook under your thighs as he slides back into you.

The way you groan into his mouth makes his cock throb, your soaking entrance letting him glide right into you, “Hurts.” You whine out softly when he starts to thrust, not sure if you’d be able to handle another orgasm but Jungkook shushes you softly with another kiss.

“You can do one more for me right baby?” He asks, sucking on your lower lip as he rocks into you slowly. His eyes are half lidded and you can feel how hard he is in you, your body still trembling slightly from your last orgasm but you nod anyways, letting him kiss his way down your face until he reaches your neck again, soft praises leaving his lips.

Your fingers tangle into his hair again as you slump against him, letting him hold you up. You trail along his tattoos, tracing the giant death moth spanned across his collarbone, the tip of the wing reaching the bottom of his neck.

He’s grunting softly against you, getting lost in the feeling of you, the added touches and kisses you plant on his skin igniting the fire inside him. His arms scoop you closer, his hands spreading against your lower back as he speeds up his thrusts, your legs still wrapped around his arms.

The way his dick curves inside you has you moaning again, the pleasure creeping back up and your head falls back as you feel the pressure building again. You’re not sure you could handle coming again but Jungkook seems determined to get you there, rolling into you, the feeling of his pelvis rubbing your clit is too much. Your hands cling onto his back, your fingers digging into the flames and dragon that occupied the space.

“Fuck I can feel you squeezing me.” He gasps out, “You can cum again sweetheart its okay.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, hearing him grunting into your ear, his voice dropping into a gravel as he nears his edge as well. You’re clinging onto him for your life, gasping loudly when you reach your third orgasm of the night, the force of it making your mind go blank.

You don’t tune into to the small shriek of his name, the growl he lets out when you tighten around him tighter than before, his hips rearing into yours in a sloppier way until he’s cumming, hips surging forward to bury himself deeper into you as his cock twitches.

You come back when he moans your name out, the feeling of his cum filling you up making you mewl against him. He thrusts shallowly a few more times before pulling out with a sigh, letting your legs fall limp over the edge.

His cum drips out of you, slipping through your folds and down your ass until it pools onto the counter beneath you and he smirks, his eyes coming up to look at you and his expression gets bigger when he sees the tear streaks on your cheeks. His hand cups them, his thumb sliding across your face and wiping them with a laugh, “I told you I’d make you cry.”

You don’t have it in you to be the usual brat you are with him, not after cumming this hard three times in a row so you just pout at him and lean forward to kiss him again, this time being more gentle and slow paced than the last.

“How was that?” He mumbles against your lips, letting you pull him in to you, wrapping your arms around his tiny waist as you nuzzle into his chest.

Jungkook feels you laughing against his skin, “How was that?” You mock as you give him a squeeze, “Let’s just say I’ll cry over your Titan cock any day.”

The both of you burst into laughter, Jungkook pressing a kiss onto the top of your head as you two just stay there. Jungkook and you had officially crossed the line from being bratty friends to sleeping with each other. Neither of you knew what it meant but it seemed like a conversation for tomorrow morning, right now you were content with just holding him.

So when your phone vibrates beside you you’re reluctant to pull away, so Jungkook compromises by reaching it for you and handing it over.

You see its a message from Iseul and you unlock it, your face heating up as you groan and show the message to Jungkook, his face turning just as red as he sees what she sent.

Iseul 10:15pm : Thank you for the show, I hope you two realize we have security cameras in the kitchen and living room you horn dogs.

The two of you peek over at the corner of the room giving a wave and smiling shyly at the blinking security camera staring back at you. Maybe she could send you the footage for keepsake.

#btsghostie #maknaesmutsociety #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts drabble #jeongguk smut #new

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twopoppies · 3 years ago

Note

Firstly No pressure to read any of the below it’s just a lil rant after I ended up on the wrong side of tumblr!! ( + I have ADHD and i forgot my meds lol so its a bit disoriented and all over the place) and no response necessary unless you want to!

Oh god I accidentally ended up on the wrong side of tumblr....never ever ever ever again, I went back so fastttt lol im laughing at myself rn for how quickly i clicked away from disgust

i ended up on a blog that stalks u and some other larries and says absolutely atrocious things abt louis (I can send u their @ if u'd like so u can block them) and fully bought the stunt bs happening rn and it was horrible obvs but like i just do not understand like it was so creepy gina and im just so disgusted bc why? yk?

like u were not joking abt anti's actually being obsessed with larries - like half this person's blog was talking abt you and amy and i was just so shocked cause why??? like mate come on what the actual f? get a life please?? (im quite new so im like just now realising how insanely weird and obsessed these anti's are)

Also it was just an overall eye opener for multiple things:

Starting with that 1. the way 1DHQ and 1D Management managed to alienate larries actually worked and i like knew but truly doing a proper deep dive and seeing multiple blogs hate on larries and like obsessively stalk us was insane?? Like they truly believe everything they’re being fed???

Side Note: Lowkey feeling very lucky to have had the education i have because even before i even joined this fandom i believed partially none of the relationships in the news bc like i knew abt this industry and how it worked yk? i mean its logic? i have so many mates that arent even in the fandom that know i am in the fandom and texted me when the articles started rolling out calling it out for what it was: A PR stunt

Hell someone i know whom i had never even talked abt fandom stuff/stunt stuff fully texted me making a joke out of it!!! like people who aren’t even in our fandom can see it and its just insanely surprising that if they can why cant the antis?? im just a bit shocked rn

both from 1. finding someone who actually believes in this stunt and 2. multiple blogs that fully commit their time to stalking u and other larries and once again i knew but fully seeing it

YK AT FIRST I WAS LIKE IS THIS A JOKE I DIDNT BELIEVE IT GINA I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS PULLING MY LEG OR THIS PERSON WAS IDK BEING SARCASTIC AND HAD A MESSED UP SENSE OF HUMOUR but ye anyway

It made me realise that 1DHQ knew what the fuck they were doing when they were trying to alienate larries from the rest of the fandom, once again i am feeling extraordinarily grateful to have grown up with an education where i was literally taught to never trust anything and to always think things thru using logic - “does it makes sense to you? if not find out why, there usually a reason behind everything” my yr 9 english teacher used to say smth like that all the time and it just never left me bc she was always teaching us to judge everything and to take every piece of news we read entertainment or otherwise with a grain of salt and to always if we’re gonna give someone else our opinion or spread this information do our research (its what i am when i say i feel lucky to have had the education i have had)

Eye Opener 2: Anti’s are fully standing y’all u were 100% correct this is some next level stan behaviour if i’ve ever seen some, you’re famous gina!!

It is while surprisingly to realise that anti’s fully believe these things, more surprising to see how they treat larries bc why on earth would u treat any other human being this way??? like dont get me wrong they’re horrible ppl and i fully felt like sending them a message telling them exactly that but i would never bc i just dont want to make another person feel bad abt themselves even if they are that shitty of a person and it was very tempting

I just would like to understand why they feel the need to do this? like why hate on a whole other person? for what believing smth diff to u? having a difference of opinion? how tf are they gonna make it when they get a job??? like??? do u know how often i run into a person with a different opinion then me? it shouldn’t be that big of a deal! we should still be able to be friends with antis! but we’re not - not for lack of trying btw!! they’re just so mean and rude??? when i was in other fandoms when someone believed different things there was never this much hatred at someone for it!! hell there was barely any bc it was understood that it was normal to have diff opinions abt things and i just am truly fascinated by these ppl i swear they remind how stupid the human race can sometimes be not for what they believe (altho ngl a lil of that too) but for how they treat other ACTUAL human beings with different opinions to them

Eye Opener 2.5: Some people need lives, man like they proper do need lives and something to do maybe a hobby or smth? just like a life they need to get one of those and actual live it

and Eye Opener 3: I already felt this way but like even god damn stronger now you deserve a formal apology from both 1DHQ and the universe

and until we get that u deserve amazing things coming from the boys on your bdays to make up for it

Lastly Gina I hope you didn't read thru all that bc I couldn’t even read it over and thus sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes and I would also like to say that I love your blog and everything about you! you’re an absolute angel and one of the kindest ppl I have ever had the pleasure of well not meeting but stumbling across, you truly make this fandom a much much much better place with your presence (I shudder to think of it without u) that said if you ever need to take breaks or leave Im sure you already know but you should 100%

You first!!! Always! :)

Have a good day Gina, I hope its an absolutely amazing one!

Hi darling. LOL! Reading this was like talking with my kids when they don't take their ADHD meds. Lots of excited thoughts!! I loved it.

And yeah, that blog and their 4 followers are really... not well. But you're very right. 1DHQ made this fandom a breeding ground for people to hate larries and to think it's something Harry and Louis would both approve of. It's gross.

The gaslighting here is powerful, so thank goodness for fans like you who know to question what they're told and to look at things with logic and to do their best to see through their own biases.

Thank you for all the sweet words and your offer to kick butt (in your other message). I really appreciate it!

#long post

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eremiie · 4 years ago

Text

i saw this post here and just wanted to dissect everything lmao

aot 139 spoilers

“Eren admits that he literally killed 80% of the world’s population, he then says he only did it so it would look like eldians stopped a threat”

eren admit to killing 80% of the population bc he did... he’s admitting to what he did, and he says that he wanted to paint them to be the heroes— but not only did he do that, he ended the curse of ymir and gained freedom for his people. it wasn’t just to paint them as heroes

“He also did it so the rest of the world couldnt murder them”

he didn’t “also” do it for that reason, it was an effect, the rumbling ended up killing so many people that they can’t wage war on the eldians like eren says, it keeps them a little safe which they needed especially since some of humanity knows that paradis is what started the rumbling. it’s a cause and effect type thing. because eren killed 80% of the population that remaining population won’t be able to retaliate and try to kill the eldians since there are so little of them

the tybur family is treated like some of martyr and apparently pulling the strings which led to the deaths of millions of innocent eldians was actually a GOOD thing

this scene was interpreted wrong, armin says “...so you want us to be like the tyburs after the great titan war? we’re supposed to protect paradis from reprisal from humanity outside the walls?” he’s asking eren if that’s what they’re gonna do, he never says it’s a good thing. then that’s when eren explains that either way so much of humanity is destroyed that they wouldn’t be able to retaliate if they wanted to

Armin THANKS him for it

armin thanks eren for doing what he did to free them. not thanking eren for for mass murder period. it’s because of eren that the curse is lifted and that they are free and that’s what armin’s thanking eren for. mass murder is inexcusable, and eren knows that. that’s why after he panics and goes “but i dont want to die!” he comes to a realization that all the people he killed didn’t want to either, that the only way to atone for his sins is by dying himself. even if he didn’t die he would’ve probably been executed, or imprisoned for the rest of the life. just like in mikasa’s ova, “eren’s death is inevitable, no matter what reality you go to eren will always die because he carries death within himself.”

in another translation of the chapter armin thanks eren for being the bad guy so that they could win. he knows what eren did was bad. he’s not excusing it, he just understands why eren had to do it and that eren had no choice if he wanted them to be free.

from the get go freedom was one of the themes of eren’s character. if eren lived the whole entire world would be ruins and eren would’ve been even sadder than now, there would be nobody and it would’ve been worse than it is now. eren killing everyone was definitely not the ending to go. the ending we have could’ve been executed differently, sure, but in my eyes since i get the gist i think isa did an amazing job portraying what he had in mind.

“Armin is more upset with Eren saying he doesnt know how he feels about Mikasa moving on than mass genocide”

once again, armin isn’t all that upset with eren because he understands that eren had a path laid out for him that he had no choice to follow. the point of eren committing mass genocide keeps getting brought up as if it’s not know that mass genocide is a terrible thing. it is and that’s why everyone was so angry about it from the get go, that’s why that one plan of blackmailing humanity with the rumbling and not actually go through with it was brought up once— because they knew how cruel it is. armin knew how cruel it is as i believe it was him who brought that up

he’s upset with eren about mikasa’s feelings in like a banter kind of way. it’s like “this whole entire time this is how you felt but you couldn’t tell her that and let her suffer???? don’t forget what you said to her, she went through hell!” kind of thing. they had already talked about the whole mass genocide thing, mikasa was the next topic of discussion

“Eren then finally shows some fucking emotion and cries abt how he doesn’t want mikasa to be with anyone but him”

in another post i say, "okay so first i think the issue is that a lot of people fail to realize that the way eren acted all throughout season 4 isn’t eren really, that is him putting his emotions at bay so that he can complete something that he laid out for himself for his friends.eren from season 1-3 still exists, and that’s lowkey the eren that was talking the whole time in chapter 139— you can see the how he cares for his friends, you can see the desperation again, the compassion, everything in between.”

eren is still that s1-3 eren, season 4 eren just had to put his emotions aside so he could walk on the path that ymir put in front of him.

him crying over mikasa was one of his selfish desires coming to light, and it was realistic. it’s finally dawning on him that he’s gonna die, he’s finally getting to sit down and ponder about mikasa, he’s getting desperate, he’s panicking, and that compassion that he’s always had for his friends is showing through again. this gives realism to his character— it makes his character all the more human. one second he’s complaining about how he doesn’t want to die and wants to be with his friends bc its crashing on him, and the very next second he’s trying to be at peace with himself, realising that the only way to atone for what he caused is by dying. one second he’s complaining about how he wants miksa to be with anyone but him, the next second he’s coming to terms with himself and that mikasa needs to move on, because he loves her and wants her to live a long and happy life even if it means without him. the selfishness that showed for that mere second makes his character realistic. it shows that he’s still whiny, that little whiny angry boy from s1-3. he was never heartless and he was never cold. he was and is still eren jaeger, and you get a glimpse of the eren we know in that scene.

The founder ymir was apparently in love with the king???? another women stupidly devoted to a man, great.

i’m not too in depth with ymirs story so im not gonna speak too much about this because i myself do wish that whole love thingy went more into depth. i get how mikasa and ymir parallel each other, but other than that i’m not too sure myself, and i’ll admit that. it could be a case of stockholm syndrome, it could be that bc ymir was infatuated with living and she was confined to such a familial role she wanted to live in that role again with the king bc he’s the only person who gave her that familial lifestyle. i’m not sure. but if anything mikasa was im pretty sure the only character “devoted” to a man in aot. and it was because of the role eren played in her life, she’s not a bad written character, she has her developement. which i explain here

apparently mikasa’s unhealthy devotion to eren is what took her out of it????? in fact the series overly romanticizes mikasa’s love for eren despite the two having no chemistry and eren being an ass to her

in a sense, but that’s a simple minded way of saying it. ymir’s devotion to king fritz was unhealthy, eren describes it as “agony of love” because it was pretty unhealthy obvi. like i said ymir and mikasa parallel each other, and seeing mikasa be able to let go and kill the one she loves was that realization for ymir that she was able to do the same thing— that’s how i interpret that scene personally.

and in mikasa doing so, killing eren lifts that curse of ymir and frees ymir regardless, so ymir was happy about that as well. thanks to mikasa for cutting eren’s head off.

the series doesn’t necessarily over romanticize mikasa’s love for eren in my opinion. how i see it is that since eren is a big part of mikasa’s character he was necessary for her development as well, and her development was to let eren go because of how infatuated she was with him. this being said the series points out how unhealthy the way she loved him was especially in s1-3, and her love becomes more healthy when she gets her development in chap 139, finally being able to let eren go and move on. compare that to in the s1 when eren almost dies and she’s ready to die as well. thats development if you ask me.

one of the themes of the show is sacrifice, and almost every character has made one, mikasa sacrifices eren— she kills him and she chooses to go through with that decision despite how much she loves him.

eren was definitely mean to mikasa in s1-3 because she was overbearing, and thats one reason why i say the way she loved him was unhealthy at first. eren wasn’t able to reciprocate her love in the way that she loved him because it wasn’t healthy. eren also wasn’t able to reciprocate it because the last thing he was focused on was the concept of love. once again he had a path laid out for him that he had no choice but to follow, and mikasa didn’t have any play in this path until the very end, so the boy who keeps moving forward does just that and doesn’t pay her much mind, doesn’t get to sit down and think about his feelings for her, what she is to him.

(and i dont think i even need to explain the “mikasa i’ve always hated you seen, the chapter covers that enough)

they do have chemistry time to time, the eren v dina fritz scene, the scarf scene, “what am i to you”, little stuff like that goes into play and gives them these little sparks of chemistry. they couldn’t always grasp onto the full scope of the relationship they had and it was only some times they were able to do that with everything going on.

apparently the titans are just gone now….??? i cant even tell if its because Eren died or because Mikasa really made Ymir calm down

... eren controlling rumbling, eren dies rumbling stops, ymir finally lifts curse bc 1) eren died 2) shes able to come to realization that like mikasa lets eren go, she needs to let fritz go and the curse go. ymir lifts curse, eren’s goal is complete, if titan curse is lifted there are no more titans

Characters who murdered thousands and were the cause for AOT’s entire plot in the first place are now treated as heroes to the eldians… despite the shit that they did.

everyone in aot did some “shit” they all are murders, eren commited mass genocide, reiner commited mass murder, annie murdered so many people, reiner, armin destroyed thousands of people in one go, they all have killed somebody. they are seen as “heros” because they stopped the rumbling that was going to kill everyone else...... idk about you but if you just saved me from a horrid death, my racist opinion on you doesn’t really matter because you just saved my fucking life lmao, yes despite the shit that you did— because they have killed people too, and they were ready to kill the eldians still until armin told them that they killed eren, that they saved their lives and eliminated titans for good.... like whew???

the series went from “The military is cool” to “the military did a lot of fucked up shit” to “the military is SUPER cool”, and buffed it up

i’m not really sure where you got that tbh,, like the military wasn’t really a big thing up until the whole marleyan thing??? and they didn’t have much plot in the story besides it existing so like i’m not sure what to say ab this, i can’t really remember many times the military was even mentioned until now, but if anyone wants to elaborate on this for me that’d be nice

oh and they buffed up the military because since paradis had eren jaeger who started the rumbling, just in case, they had to be ready to fight again if the rest of humanity wanted to do something. after marley they updated all their technology, why can’t they update the military as well? it’s realistic, new weapons, new military, and all that

The military was buffed up bc the eldians are scared of the rest of the world retaliating, so Eren didn’t really fix shit except giving the Eldians an upper hand in the war

eren jaeger was the one who always screamed “i will kill all titans, we will get freedom” ya de ya de ya.... didn’t he do both of those things????? i thought those were some of his main goals as a character, he fixed those issues, the issues that have been issues since the start of the show

the rest of humanity don’t know the full scope like the eldians or marleyans, they’re probably just as scared and like in real life not all nations are at peace with one another. this is just another realistic factor— attack on titan is becoming a world closest to the real one we live in, there are militaries, there are still conflicts, there is still all these little aspects that bring the manga even more to life.

in my opinion it’d lowkey be weird if the rest of the world was just like “oh yeah those mfs that started the rumbling we love them haha” no... it killed 80% of the population like eren said... that’s not something to love.

Historia has a really disturbing speech about how the fight isnt going to end until either the Eldians or the rest of the world are exterminated, despite Gabi has an entire arc about her being deradicalized and learning to see the other side of things.

and yes i am not kidding, the heroic conclusion is that there’s still going to be a war, eldians are going to commit mass genocide (which was proposed by eren) and people straight up thank eren for the evil shit he did.

“this fight will not end until either eldia or the world dissapears. this is what eren said and he may be right.” she doesn’t say that it’s for sure gonna be a fight until one or the other is wiped out, she says there’s a possibility of this being the case because of the fact that these nations aren’t at complete peace yet.

not everyone is gonna be able to see the other side of things, and this applies to the whole word— us as humans will never be able to agree on one thing, and that’s what this shows. no matter what the cycle of hatred will always continue, and this applies to real life and this manga. we are human beings and that’s what makes what historia says even more real. “this is the world we live in, a world without titans.” titans are no longer their conflict. now it’s only like the real word— humans against humans, and as far as humanity existed it’s always been humans against humans. historia’s speech shows that.

the heroic conclusion is that as a human race nothing will always be agreed upon, eldians are going to fight if they need to like our military fights when they need to. people are thanking eren for freeing them and ending the curse of titans that they suffered with for 2000 years. nobody’s thanking him for his actions of mass genocide, they are thanking him for the motive behind his actions, and thats what makes him so heroic.

that he endured and did something so terrible so that anybody who lives after him can be free, and humanity can continue existing as humanity should’ve existed from the beginning.

and that concludes this for me, thanks for reading<3.

#attack on titan #snk 139 #aot spoilers #snk spoilers #aot 139

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jesuisgourde · 3 years ago

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For anon, here’s a compilation of the darker stuff from Peter’s journals (Books Of Albion/the online scans/From Albion To Shangri-La). Obviously this stuff is darker and is more of his talking about addiction or mental health/emotional distress etc. So just be aware of that when reading this, I suppose. These all span from about 2002-2013.

Books Of Albion

Still death haunts the life out of many a young'un. I'm strung up useless now in the inner circle of my own conspiracy. Heroin & crack bind my ankles & scrub my back & my mattress my magic carpet whisking me into Arcady, that warm enchanted soft forbidden hiss I'll be punished for all eternity all for 1/2 and an hour of exceptional Liberty, laying alongside the arcadian wench that never forsook me not for all the impatience in hell nor all the dreary darker deeds that the well-meaning wideboy wasted love sweetest rarest hours with Abandon? It rails me, steadies

I thought that you had a clue cant you see what they're doing to me? and they're getting away with it coz you're standing back & taking that shit believe it's true... if it happened to you what do'ya think you'd do? you and I done it all understanding when you're standing against the wall but I wouldn't do that to you... now guess what I'm going to do when I catch up with you put into action what I've been feeling youre so... any idea no dont come near I've no idea what a person can take all these thoughts & I get nasty too yes I will my boy search & destroy

My nominally in disorder / in a fashion commonly nowt in this pressing matter not sort of unignorable pressure - abusive selfish conversations with the blank dirt that glues the corners of my backwards minds intogether outside the high walls levering the face off with the sticky oil of gluey tears. They dry and rip the sense out of the skin's mask. In past lives I was blank... actually deadly sleepy and convinced by my corrupt reasoning that I was wide awake and ready to break into a running jump. As it turns out I fell off a small step and ruined my jumper.

The words they put into my mouth...honestly the cut, paste & twist of the gutter journalist: will they not desist this shit and give the papple a miss. My vanity all in a twist. Ha! No stylist or publicist to protect poor Bilo in the shark infested waters of hell's canal. Oh mercy and the stench of grime and ruddy guts as assassins jackall and jostle in nasty packs about the cartoon character they have presented the numbed readers with... hit & run, dumb down and down and down, until I get picked up by some saviour or other dusted down and up & away unto Arcady. this time next year this lone salty tear that falls may yet reach the sea, drowning in rivers lost under London like Victoriana. Leaking oh my love, I was not waving I was drowning. To the merry tune of a fizzing wire mesh freebase pipey, my shadow shamefaced behind me, cor blimey. god blind me lest I see myself

more or less loss & my heart laid bare the way it comes across that I do not care feeling lost and badly dressed more and more of less & less

oh so you are not here now and so I greive the salty, sopping eventide with a mess of feeling & reeling around the forest clearing in blue that tears afford me. Salt blind I stumble into the night & pile heartache upon confusions. Alas I am last to understand my minds instructions

'come on... you've got to get out of this room for at least an hour' 'why?' Debris, ash, tin lids for egg plates, towels, c.d.s wraps, snaps. Because I love you, as the soundly winds down and the night changes its name. My she is restless, endless energy, spirit, shaking her hips & shoulders to rock and roll in leather zip trousers & stripey t-shirt & one heel what a picture I am still in bed because my body craves rest and though tis like a grave resting here so idly I cannot fathom New York or the world until the knot loosens further. I dont suppose she'll wanna read through another Hancock script. 'There's gonna be a showdown' plays again.

My few weeks of numbness, rage, derangement & solitude were not part of a design but my very core's emptiest expression.

A junky they call me and I'll refuse nothing yet (excepting a piss test, aha!) Am I not a fantastic idiot All good art comes from agony not all great art comes from agony I think I only needed something to hold onto. It has never been about depravity. It's always been about melody.... but melody & I met in many depraved situations. Meeting melody is the victory of the empty spiralling nightmare. Empty in the superficial sense

Imagine somehow poison being proved not to exist in someones heart. Imagine being unlocked from this cell

What to do in this prison. Write? Why? And for who. All you need say is 'Im in nick and it's shite' Fuck the mystery, fuck the intrigue.

[Written in Peter's handwriting] Why do you think this happens so? [Written in someone else's handwriting] what do you mean? [Written in Peter's handwriting] oh I dunno, I mean the shouting and clammering that wears heavy on my heart.... [Written in someone else's handwriting] well I think some people just love drama [Written in Peter's handwriting] I do myself....but this is a personal catastrophe anyway I'm [getting steadily larger and messier] aaaaahh

It stings when I ding, stings like fuck and it's not just to ruck & knock out the chuck my days are spent swerving prangs like old bill in a jag but reality keeps on like a nag "stop it stop it stop it" before you cop it" cop it being worse things than a sting... cop it being worse, than verses that appear in the morning too minging to sing, and there's not much worse than that thing except perhaps death. cop it is death, a blood red card from God if he were a ref

Online Journals

Perhaps this is exactly how it was planned. A lilting unearthly concern for the new centuries affectionate minions. But then how long until the next gruesome example of my own soul. In those bleak few hours tottering on the precipice I age 30 years. I'm now over 2 million years old. closer to 3 million actually

I'll never desensitize, god knows I've tried there's no meaning or comfort & I'm stuck in this role

the my lifes got no real meaning or control write some crappy catchy song you know try & get out of this hole couldnt we write some crappy snappy dont want to stay where you say I belong

Sirens doom loops fucked up kids playing fucked up guitars lives on your tongue ticket room girl lick it dean loves it mean cant get enough I'm not enough gets me though & down it goes. The blasé The bored The empty-headed The impudent The frigid The introspective The imperious The capricious The naughty The ailing The feline - a blend of childishness, nonchalance & malice.

Oh what's the point anyway? I suppose [illegible] tunnel, gets you down this reflected disgust.

in the corner of my mind I'm unfazed by addiction & lead a pure & discipled affair

I dont know any use than it makes me feel sensitive to things but I know I am blank a lot of the time.

what's that awful silent carnage pummelling at my nerve... the whole of yesterday's horror, webbed and plummeting in my little head. shudders & leaves me writhing, still this silent energy, fucked up hallucenhagenic riot I had as a kid, completely out of control, but masked. Have nae had that taste in my mouth for so long. It'll drop me dead one of these lonely nights.

we had bonded bitterly in skanky Kings Cross crack houses some two years earlier. Both of us eager to dissolve & destroy ourselves, at all costs, however meagre. we had been unsuccessful perhaps, now alive with inspiration & innocence

"Poor Natalia...' Frannle said, with what may pass this night for genuine sorrow. 'she never wanted to die, not like us, then... ‘

Is it bad to feel good? It's not good to feel bad when the walls are closing in feel like you've bee had

a tightrope, baby 9 miles high I dont know how to stop & it's a long way & down

Did I mean nothing to you what did/do I mean to you what do you want me to be? what do you want from me?

I never know what to do in these stark desperate hours when, after suffering no resistance to the reckless surge of my pollution... but what I am certain of is... (whatever they say) I am certain that I am still here somewhere in the stinking sinking quick & the dead sand 'bang me up I'm sold says the poet

theres a man who came to stay the boy he replaced disappeared without a trace gave my songs & my soul away noon would say what they needed to say, so he had his way..... if you sail into the sun beware the eyes of green and if the whole world says that you are the one I defy you to refuse them my son

You must forgive me, for I cannot forgive myself and time she stoops to conquer the lot

what good can it do the impatient hanging wretch, soul shallow-fed to full by clippings but greedy belly so empty its eating itself up, spiteful body lumped together bits under a rattling brain, metallic fever and lazy emotions stalking in the heat sprawling on the wooden seat, revelling in everyone's discomfort, sore-backed and sour, there may be some trouble this hour, like each and every hour before it This is no house of correction, this is the hostile house of justified injustice, the house of boredom, the cottage of crippled lives: those caught, stitched up, unlucky, violent, criminally insane, thiefs, hard men, faces. All Londons pockets emptied out and searched and banged up. I'm lost in these hours, never given no release date but I'm sure it must be... it has to be...

And nothing's so pure as I first though and all I was taught compared to your love amounts to nought yet Oh why must am I so easily caught in the trap that you laid for me, so openly, was I the all I could see I was sold I was bought

Image, top middle: a piece of a paper bag labelled "Disposal Bag" which has been edited with black felt tip to read "Disposal Bilo". Image, centre middle: a torn photo of Peter in a house. Only his shoulder and hand are visible Image, bottom middle: a photo from a shoot of The Libertines in their red military jackets. From left to right, John, Carl, Gary, and Peter, but Peter has torn himself out to leave a white profile.

Image, top left: a close up photo of Peter onstage, wearing a severely beat up straw hat. [Written below the photo of Peter.] Look what you done to the boy

Some mysterious devil plays us of against each other at opposite ends of hell. It is so hard to make amends.

mother I look for you in the faces of other women where are you oh European mother berets & my teeth I'm lost mum listen to the words: from a dark lonely, paranoid schizophrenic young man.....

may be, & who will save me? Hard to say... who will betray me

Oh Dolly all summer long I've been crafting sketching shades of sorrow in the saddest songs in the heart of the dirty pretty city and driving kranky fucked up punk ditties that are born as hits dead on arrival just like their punk rock revival

thoughts encircling like smugglers by a gap - for waves to spend forever and all of the mostly past running up to each other

My fingertips filthy, blistered burnt and sliced... a tatty crossfire of plasters hold the end of my right index finger together. I slit it open by accident when I was pulling the razor blade out the razor to slice my chest up with t'other night. Ended up doin' one of the geetars over a monitor on the last night of Brixton, kicking Carl's amp over, showing 5,000 people my chest, blood fury, legging it through Brixton... was caught up with by my tour 'shadow' minder (Jeff) decided, topless & freezing in the street, to head back in. Cut myself a bit more and then rejoined the boys half-way through the Good Ol' Days.

Days running into themselves, nights attacking the rigid structure of conventional subversives. Do we make ourselves sick in the soul, lungeing into long spited long long sequences of repeated oblivion.

safety pins - they that hold my life together - bend and contorted rusty sticks that dont glint coz there's no sunlight to glint 'em

I can't continue the sorrow & pain as I blankly stare at the morning sky the webs of & bubbles awash on the pane as the rains spits at the window and my tears flood the tracks of my gaze and I stumble blindly through the days and soar obliterate my ghostly nights with £200 worth of brown & white

I wanted to go home so badly yesterday. Tears in the night in the evening afternoon The other westerners out here encouraged and comforted me. I had a fucking breakdown. But there is no way out. I'm signed in for a week & the monks are adamant.

Lonely lonely lonely scared alone want to go too tired too.

I shiver in bed, trying to be honest. “I'm not so bad” What is real feeling? Apart from feeling fragility. Hiding places everywhere stashes. In the pillow in the left-flap of the bathroom

The demonic face that scratches at the underside of the skin & swishes & tears & blackens my entire void, my entire soul

What is this dull ache in my heart, these soft tears in my eyes? How can I feel so bad now, after everything? when will peace come? Does it ever? I have just been told the ward I am on - ala hot chocolate delivery - is for 'bipolars' 'manic depressives' and 'depressives' not the drug and alcohol section at Priory lodge. What does this mean? They tried to section me. Zopiclone... 7.5 mg of to help the non sleepy Bilo. 20 minutes and I'll be away I'd wager.

Sonny do not go through that door the light aint through that door Self unmade man

Apparently I am still in need of medical attention being 'sick' and 'delusional' also I have had bouts of crack psychosis and double visions to say nothing of the heebeejeebee's. I'd like to 'thankyou' say to all my fans 'for putting me where I am today' (ie in a hospital bed) in the thralls of a crisis

Friday *Musnt look a wreck *musnt look a wreck *musnt look a wreck

every single gig I play I neither do or die but reason no matter how without hard I try I'm rotting inside with loss paranoia & pride rode in on a Trojan horse trampled over my dreams but that par for the course

cracking day up elongated nauseous rushing the gutsy calamitous drew. the gear fears nothing & nothing & gear together are fearless, nay, peerless in their assault upon my heart. I wanna cut myself up & pitilessly pitilessly he rammed it home & oh so pitiously

I think something stinks you left me here to rot in the land that time forgot to tell right from now on (wrong) they trudge on falling over aint drowning it aint funny honey I can't find the town ― it's gone stealin real fur So I'm 'a gone gone man man I wake up every day to the same old horrorshow

Taking the piss so blatant sly & sad in extremis

Wear bloody eyeliner to cover painted tears, all my wildest dreams become my deepest fears

What's the opposite of opposite? Identical. Involuntary spasms about my morning: my brain running the show (so badly) sitting feet up like the stereotypical private detective - stencils and silhouettes. Curvaceous widows and quick, loveless lives that spin out of control as the echo of sirens get lost in back alleys. Later that same day... a guitar sounds like an electronic fuzzy trumpet [illegible, page torn] Harmonies... listening they'll all be soon, spending monies. Does it harm me only? All this.... the sensation like the rubber thud of a fridge door, often corrupted. This is very similar to how my consciousness is controlled. Sleep a sometimes awkward and cold alternative to wasting away. I want to 'show 'em' anything because 'they' dont even exist, not any more. Well... to split hairs there are survivors from that era but they are all buried alive, gasping and choking in shitty non-marked graves. So am I (are to [illegible] and sincere bouts of caring for poor me)

Late raking the leaves, restless & dull at heart am I at intervals

oh but must there be another song where I can find it again? I dont want to lose my soul from my pocket.

I woke this morning with a black heart

waiting longsome songless lonesome sad solemn thoughts unknown like so many lemmings destined to follow one another off of cliff edges and high walls disintegrating in programmed graphic pixel explosives light participating in the, now formalized in scrawl occasion of apparent calamity. I do my bit you know that [illegible] And you do more than your fair share (if a romp in the hay with ice man indeed be fair)

to be here I feel a bit hemd in in A bit crowded for what reason?

From Albion To Shangri-La

Why would anyone go to all that trouble though, I ask now calm and with legible scribe and clearish thought? The truth is I can convince myself that others are to blame for my tears and yet when the kids are fucked off, these things I can't just brush off... Tonight's show at Olympia left me broken and empty and deeply paranoid about not only the people around the band but (sinisterly) the band itself. How can this be? After such unity, and aye bonhomie, I am once more crushed and defeated and utterly alone.

……………. Remember Hilary in the Rising Damp episode in which the aforementioned thespian is auditioning and subsequently rehearsing the other tenants' self-penned play? At one point, a line by Alan (Richard Beckinsale): 'Life's a sham, a lousy hollow sham'. I may have the characters muddled but that's the like analysis and somehow befitting my current gloomy mood.

and the guts squirm and gargle with innumerable gasses and gosh the inconvenience of morning has blackmailed me and now I must pretend my skin is not ripped and raw and really not right

I'm a lonely man in a dream Splattered with drops of Nightmares………..

Fine: what atrocities this good morrow? What is indeed to be done at last... A slug of fresh water A romantic thought – this tiny room – shadows of passing cars, a sleeping girl's hand… Delirious and demented. When the heebees met the jeebees it was hoo-rah……… Never the twain should meet again Look what they done to the boy Did the unthinkable Sunk the unsinkable.

You made a powder keg out of your head and a sand trap of your bed. Your pockets are packed with rockets of smack and that is all there is to be said.

Crash into my arms, see rings of pink flesh, infected pools of torn skin and orange tracks, shouting the snaking routes of so many holy veins by the elbows join, bulbous lumps of hardened tissue decorate the inside of the arms along with thin scabs of black and claret. At once both swollen and saggy – a rare and disgusting combination. The mermaid on the right forearm is guillotined at the tail by long winding tracks marks matched only by the tube map on the left. I will say though that my nails are very clean today.

Found to be a little close to home When you're left with gaping holes When the sound of rattling bones Stops anyone from dreaming at night.

I remember the infamous Pink Tower lampissing incident. Tried to kill myself as a birthday treat for 'Nstein by using a lash of piss as an electricity conductor but only succeeded in short-circuiting the whole house.

Cope please cope, someone has to cope

What the devil is getting to you… Some pitiful, invisible blockage is preventing you from padding up the stairs, having a shower and rehearsing your trousers?

This is how they felt after the last ever episode of Colombo was screened. Actually the repeated watching of the Colombo boxed set almost pathological has it become… The almost mechanical way that I now sit through the same shows again and again. It bears similarities to the way in which I pursue this life of sincere drug addiction. The ecstatic sensations that once came from piping and smoking are severely depleted as are the pleasures that came from the enjoyment of the original series of Colombo and yet there is no evident let up in the watching and the narcotics.

My heart is damp but drying My life's a mess but I'm trying

I mouth the shape of smoke-rings thick and cokey. Blood blots all over the fluffy white towelling of the bath robe. My chest heaves and hacks up slumps of snotty black lung soil. My nostrils leak dangly strands of liquid, speckled with tiny crumbs of chemical candy – remains of the many lines hoover'd up the ol' hooter this night pass'd. My left hand creaks in agony, craters carved into the skin with flesh-melting mounds of pain. A web of stringy lines of blood patterns the back of my hand. They sprout out from the wrist…

Rousing buzz of nervous ballooning noise reverberates around the ears and spirals, not nice, about the eyes.

Truly I can push no more, or I'll be lying on the floor breathless, death, yes Nothing more… Is this to be the final score? Seeking strength now The night at length now Deeply entrenched allow The understanding of this deplorable routine… Now strike, luxurious and loud Rousing the crowd Making the rowdy suddenly rousingly proud United, delighted Under melody's glorious shroud

Is it not impossibly wrong that I scratch and scrape at my own half-healed wounds and woefully wonky layers of blistered 'openings' – the only word that volunteers its honest services; a reliable account of its history, its work ethic to date is essential. Closure must follow if the story concludes with a medical success and a middle-of-the-road values, moral-majority, vote. On this occasion I say hurrah for the very dead centre of my middle core, long may health and prosperity reign upon my fuck'd up forearms. By gum I appear to be a bent-back'd, scabby, snivelling leper this night, yelling curses and bullying at sweet ballerinas. By Christ I need a hand out of this paradise and fast.

And now I roll on through the tunnels, under Paris to Gare Saint Lazare. 'Tis unpleasant the feeling of something hanging over your head, a debt, a guilty admission yet to be made… I feel like a guilty man. Naturally, momentum is given to the energies at work there by natural reserves of paranoia and introspective disquiet.

Masochistic, sick Apocalyptic, fix n lick Fix n' lick, lick lick

Sticky strips off in rips from bloated crust-coated limbs So these were meant as hymns to the spirits that seep about Moody and broody Wits sharp as knives All about may they be if influential in our lives For God's sake my mind has turned itself on and mangled all the rails…

A boy named Sue is falling apart

I must be coming to resemble a stuck record I only observe and implode with frantic obsession the splintering and staunch silence.

When your shadow blanks you You know you've put your foot in it

Anxiety & destruction Gulfs in the gut Belly wet with teary streams

I can't be trusted, or shouldn't be trusted with the tenderest, tenderest loyalties and affections.

Out of sight, out of mind out of my mind. Swindling swine.

First, second, third hits missed and then looked closely at my lump-laden forearm. All the while I had been thinking on the disappearance of all the old boozers from Whitechapel High Street and actually from the whole world. From the High St of the whole of Albion, such consideration distracted me considerably from the delicate job in hand... then wham! A fat old wiggly worm in a region that has always bemused and bamboozled me in many a set to... with me making to jag the junk and my left arm leaving me cursing the limb entirely. Whallop! A flood of purple black frothy jetting ferment. Not entirely organic sounding but then this particular barrelful is now getting on for its past by banging date. Once the junk and combined coke speedball is mixed with the blood of the first shot it's a race against the clock to get the remaining concoction in the blood-stream. By the time the connection is made, the syringe is entirely maroon and one is invariably well into the great cussing period of intense frustration.

The melancholic servitude of a world without light and life… all is stone, heat is gone, rehabilitation of hope through good English algebra... 'we're all doomed'.

There has been some fantasy talk that is now shaping up for a crack at reality. It concerns taking the cure and kicking this suicide mission for a bit. Finally escape from this escape. This road has too few exits and the hard shoulder is hard.

I ain't got the strength to stand up to me - cos I'm guilty - Basking in the glow Of a wanted man's gaze I'm no spring chicken but I'm game I don't wanna feel like...

...Really Sometimes I feel like killing myself I ain't gonna lie Stick a knife into my heart Because it's better to die Than feel this way Mother fucker gone & killed his soul dignity

See the ratcatcher A mind bent on rats has he Blind with shattered glass is he He leans drunken into me Whispers filth and diseases Death & agony He empties his sack on me And rolls on into infamy

I ain't got the long capability To say what is wrong with me.

Take a nervous peek out of the window, blurred with bubbles of rain. Raindrops. Falling on Yorkshire. My body's a little contaminated, given the relentless battering it's been getting – chemical warfare in effect, some strange, slow, indirect suicide. Might take up another hobby. Sex and ? and Rock and Roll. Fill in the missing word.

'Tis a straight jacket – as oppressive as one. Nothing vague about horror. Blurred visions of the future. Need to destroy; the thing bites into my bones, digs in. Possibilities endlessly impossible Sweat soaking my clothes, my face awash Toothache in the heart – imagine the pain of that.

Day off after the Manchester Academy show last night. It's a little hazy but I'm pretty sure it was a fucking shambles in a Leeds-esque sense of the word. Pre-gig tension spilled over into tears – Stuart B was there and the pair of us were in a state, talking about what shit fathers we've been, getting angry and para…

Another break in the Sequel to the Prequel tour… and another plush hotel/spa resort to relax in. Given the level of emotional distress these past few nights, it's extremely timelyn'all Bejabbers I'm at sixes and sevens… even Katia's arrival (heart-warming and spirit lifting) concerns me. Thinking of her with ten mostly sex-crazed geezers on a tour bus. It is all my warped perception no doubt. Her presence will subdue my restless spirit and assist the majority of the lads in their attempts to create a positive atmosphere on this tour. Dark and twisted dementia not being in vogue this early autumn (dementedness?) BouBou bringing her natural and bountiful blessings of peace and aller son petit bonhomme de chemin. So then onwards, and indeed, upwards. Curses upon myself for even imagining the worst I always open up to Katia… offer her my mostly unlikely, but always heartfelt, theories about the on-going saga of on-stage upset. She says I might be bi-polar. I argue that I only suffer such extreme devastation on stage, not in everyday life like genuine manic sufferers. 'Really?' She says. 'Once you told me you couldn't leave the apartment to post a letter.' The debate continues.

When I heard they were evicting me From my own fantasy An executive explained to me How it follows demographically And then the executive said That I should try and be dead By next July Of course we'll miss you But we can exploit and Reissue And sell footage of you snuffing it To Sky

A man walks headlong into traffic – tired of the fight You can only get up so many times, can only throw so many punches – dont have anything left dont believe anymore dont believe in yourself anymore Bejabbers

the monkey's clamped on my back with a finger in my ear, tweaking a nipple and ramming me ingloriously I'm blind with the pain, sinking like a penny down a drain stink like shame thoughts like a too-high-for-the-tunnel-train Blinding pain blind all but the same babbling low : stunned A gecko cackles & beeps rythmically I scratch myself bloody, glutton tubby 3 kinds of lonliness: morning, evening & afternoon It's the same every day. I go on the walk & run & ...& I walk. Flip flopping in the sun.

5.55am Complete, utter, inutterable, stagnant misery set in concrete certainty by cowardice and lament. He sobbed strangely, failing to cry, so fucking grim the sight of his shadow on the ashgrey spillage of shite that was once the floor. That was once his life. Full throated sting of sourness and spite lined his neckinside. Rottoness in the oesophigas and on top of this plop and piss flying upwards defying gravity weilding crying calamity in the shitty bathroom. His body was going on strike and even the ubercapitalists on the board of shareholders didn't dare protest. Like an international company finally exposed to the world as profiting from abhorent working conditions. Lonely Villein squinted into the mirror smudged with blood and bits of poo – “On behalf of the man that used to inhabit this body I apologise.” he typed, reaching up to the sink wherein upon which the typewriter perched in precarious wobbly state. “Sorry, body” He continued, typing and reading aloud as he did so. AAAAAAAAAAgh he said In a strange monotone, not at all dramatic, as the heavy old typewriter fell onto his shin shins With immediate and immense pain he fell unconscious.

the whole riddle of human destiny heightened to the pitch of a personal torture a personal hell inward emptiness & despair

#peter doherty #pete doherty #trigger warning for drug abuse and addiction and discussion of anxiety/depression/emotional distress #i feel more okay about posting this considering how well he's doing #and even with hiccups and things clearly times of this intensity are more than likely behind him

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