#or if love is a tangible quality i happen to infuse into stuff i do or make

[wheredidmydrillgo]

why do people tell me that I love so (and sometimes too) much but it never quite feels like it's ever enough

[chroniclackofselfpreservation]

Hot take: you can read something for entertainment value alone and it’s just as valid as reading something because of its depth and commentary on issues.

Storytime: in my junior year of high school, many of my English teachers (yes, I had more than one. I was an English nerd from the beginning) suggested I apply for the Sterling Scholar in English. They’d seen my writing and thought I’d be a good candidate. As an avid reader and aspiring author at the time, I agreed with them.

The selection process went something like this: submit your transcript (so they could see your grades and gpa because heaven forbid a kid with bad grades got acknowledged for their talent), a piece of writing (typically an essay, because everyone knows academic writing is the superior form of writing), and appearing before a panel of English teachers for an interview.

Now, all of this went smoothly, up until the interview. Being one of few English nerds at my school, there were only two candidates for the English category. Me, and my friend Corryn. I went first, and most of the questions were just asking me about things I’d put on my application (like the fact that I’d written a book and was having it beta read at the time, stuff like that) and then came the question that has haunted me for years after this.

What is your favorite book?

I was taken aback by the question, not really seeing what it had to do with my academic achievements or proficiency in English, and being the compulsively honest sixteen-year-old I was, answered truthfully:

The Percy Jackson Series.

Now, while I’m still a huge fan of the series to this day, I wouldn’t rank it my favorite book of all time... but at that moment in my life, that was the first thing that popped into my head at the question. I went on to explain to the panel that I admired Riordan’s ability to infuse complex issues and emotions into a story generally directed at middle-grade audiences.

I didn’t add this into my answer, but I also adored the series because it was flat out entertaining. It kept my attention, took me into different worlds and locations, made me forget the boring, sad happenings of today and took me on an adventure.

Needless to say, the panel wasn’t too impressed. A kind woman who was my current English Literature teacher that year asked if I had any other favorite books, to which I answered:

The Eragon Series (or Inheritance Cycle)

I know. Trust me, I know. But cut me some slack, it was the first “big” fantasy series I’d read as a child and my love for it was somewhat more nostalgic than quality-based. That, and at the time I wasn’t super exposed to fantasy books above middle-grade or highschool level, so it didn’t have much in the way of competition for top spot.

I remember going home that night and relaying the interview to my mother, she gently noted that those probably weren’t the types of books they were looking for.

I was shocked. Utterly and genuinely confused. “They asked what my favorite books were,” I said, “so, I told them the truth.”

Later, I wouldn’t be surprised when Corryn won the scholarship instead of me. After talking about our interviews with each other, and knowing our qualifications weren’t significantly different, I discovered that she had responders with The Grapes of Wrath.

Of course, I was more than happy for her. She was my friend, and I wished her the best. However, that question would loop through my mind every once in a while. When I lay in my bed, wishing for sleep to come amidst the hectic jumble that was my brain, I’d fret over this question. Should I have lied? How come they phrased it like that? Why not ask me what book I thought had the most literary merit, or what book had the best societal commentary?

Why my favorite book?

Over the years, I’ve come to realize a few things about myself:

I can like books for different reasons, and some reasons aren’t better than other reasons. Just because I like the commentary on capitalism and economic status in The Grapes of Wrath, doesn’t make my love of Dune for its worldbuilding or The Six of Crows for that sweet sweet teen angst any less tangible or valid.

I can recognize the literary merit of a book and still not enjoy reading it. For example, Beloved by Toni Morrison. Absolutely heart-wrenching look into slavery, racism, trauma, death, and several other very important topics. The story isn’t supposed to be a “light read.” It isn’t supposed to leave you with butterflies in your stomach. Do I recognize the importance of reading about and exposing myself to these kinds of stories? Yes, of course. Do I also recognize that it’s okay if reading about other people’s explicit trauma upsets me and that I don’t have to revisit the story just because it has literary merit? Yes.

I CAN LIKE A BOOK BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS FUN AND FOR NO OTHER REASON!!! I can also love a book for its topics, themes, commentary, etc. But it’s not required to make something your favorite book.

Tl;dr: there aren’t any qualifiers for whether you are allowed to like a book or not. Don’t let anyone tell you different.