#kaz brekker x sister

[jahayla-parker]

do you mind doing a Kaz fic where she has had a crush a month before but is convinced it’s a lost cause bc he talks to inej a lot, but (PLOT TWIST) the reason he talks to inej is because he’s unsure if y/n likes him back? Angst with a happy ending?

-🍁

Lock and Key : Kaz Brekker x Reader

Descr: 4.5k wc, Reader and Kaz have unspoken feelings for each other. But Kaz’s attempts to work through what to do only cause misunderstandings and upsets. Until it all comes out and feelings are finally revealed. Hurt-comfort, angst-fluff.

Warnings: misunderstandings, SoC content. One curse word.

Notes: I’m SOOO sorry this took so long. It got lost in my requests!

Y/n sat on the edge of the roof kicking swinging legs back and forth. She bit into her bottom lip as she tried to keep herself calm; too many thoughts racing through her mind tonight. Needless, futile, stupid, jealous thoughts. She quickly released her lip from her teeth as she felt eyes on her. She scanned the skyline before relenting to who she’d assumed it was from the start and turned to look over her shoulder, “yes?”

Y/n watched as Inej made herself seen and slowly approached. That friendly smile of hers felt taunting in this moment. But y/n pasted one on herself before turning back to face the Ketterdam rooftops.

“Why are you out here this late?” Inej questioned softly as she carefully sat down beside y/n.

Y/n shrugged silently, not looking away from the skyline. She wasn’t going to let her off the hook that easily. When Inej wanted something, she got that thing. If only she hadn’t happened to want Kaz the way y/n did. But y/n refused to tell Inej that that was what had brought her out here tonight.

“Y/n, come on, everyone can tell you’re upset,” Inej remarked as the gray clouds above them began to drip rain onto the girls.

“I’m fine,” y/n retorted simply, briefly glancing at Inej’s side-profile.

Inej stared at y/n skeptically. “No one chooses to sit on a rooftop this late, in this weather, if they’re fine,” she argued.

“It wasn’t raining until you got here,” y/n pointed out with a shrug. Fitting. Her love life didn’t feel like it was going through a downpour until Inej entered the picture either. How ironic.

“I’m not just talking about tonight, y/n/n,” Inej sighed. “You’ve been distant and… sad.”

Inej had a point. Of course she did. Y/n had spent the last several weeks trying to distance herself from the crows. Well… from Kaz. And Inej. And mostly Kaz and Inej together. Which was occurring more often than not lately. The images from the last month played back in her mind yet again as if to remind her of her misery.

Y/n twirled the shiny coin around in between her pointer and middle finger as she practically bounced her way up the stairs to Kaz’s room, a smile on her face. She’d managed to trick some rich merchant into giving it to and she thought Kaz would love it. Maybe he’d even be proud of her for such an achievement. Although, truthfully she’d simply done it because she wanted him to have it thanks to the hopeless crush she’d developed a few weeks ago. Kaz didn’t date. Kaz didn’t look at anyone that way. Y/n included. But, maybe…

Y/n hummed to herself, knocking briefly on Kaz’s wooden door before letting herself in. She paused promptly upon realizing he wasn’t alone. Inej was here. Y/n swallowed thickly as she shifted her stance a bit. “I… umm.., sorry-,” she mumbled.

Inej stepped away from Kaz with a soft shake of her head as she smiled at y/n. “Hey y/n,” she greeted sweetly. “He’s all yours, I was just leaving,” she told the girl.

Y/n’s eyes nearly popped out of her head as her heart sank over Kaz’s immediate response to Inej’s words. His hand. He was… Kaz had reached out and gripped Inej’s wrist to stop her from leaving. He didn’t do that sorta thing. That wasn’t him. Yet, here he was. Doing that. Touching her. Inej. Y/n couldn’t help but stare at the hold Kaz had on Inej’s wrist. His gloves were on… but still.. he didn’t touch people. He didn’t react like that. So instinctual that he’d physically stop someone instead of using his words commands. He really didn’t want her to leave. She tore her eyes away from their hands only to find an equally, if not more, painful sight.

Kaz and Inej stood silently, staring at each other, no words exchanged but both wore meaningful expressions.

Y/n felt a lump in her throat as she tried to swallow. This wasn’t happening. She knew the chances of her crush being anything but a crush were slim. Especially given it was on Kaz. But… The one time she held romantic feelings for someone this happened? What’re the odds her crush would get over his trouble being open with people only to fall for someone else? Her hand holding the coin trembled lightly at her side as she analyzed Kaz’s face. He was stern and serious, but instead of his ever-present stoic expression, his eyes seemed to be…. They were almost… pleading. Ouch. She couldn’t make out Inej’s expression fully from this angle. But from what she could see, Inej held a tender gaze and a small but warm smile. Y/n squeezed her eyes shut tightly as if that would somehow make the sight before her disappear. “Umm..,” she cleared her throat, feeling as though she was interrupting… something. Something she wished she wasn’t happening. But it was. “I, sorry,” she repeated as she slowly opened her eyes. They finally stopped touching and were both now facing her. “I didn’t mean to…,” y/n shook her head, unable to say the words. “Anyways, I umm…,” she mumbled.

“Y/n,” Kaz spoke, his stoic expression back in place. “Out with it,” he instructed.

Hearing his gruff voice say her name in a moment like this hurt. But not as much as him ordering her to get on with it did. He didn’t want her here. She’d interrupted his time… his moment… with Inej. Inej was who he wanted to be speaking with, who he wanted to have present in the room now. Not y/n. “Right,” y/n creaked. “I just, I thought you might want this,” she explained, walking over to his desk. The coin clanged against the table top as she placed it down.

“Where..? Where did you g-,” Kaz began to ask as y/n stepped back from the desk.

“I made a deal with a merchant,” y/n shrugged, pretending it was nothing. In truth, it wasn’t nothing. It had taken her a week and a half to arrange and wasn’t the safest plan. But now… now it truly didn’t matter. In the end, maybe it was nothing.

Kaz scrutinized the rare coin from a distance, not having moved from the spot he was in when y/n first entered. As he looked up from his desk, he found she’d made her way to the door. He felt Inej watching him knowingly, but he didn’t know what to say. Why had y/n gotten this coin? And why had she given it to him? Had she done something she was trying to cover up? Or perhaps trying to get ahead of some mistake she might make later? Or…? No.

“It’s really shiny,” Inej commented with an encouraging smile.

“You don’t owe me anything,” Kaz spoke, picking up on Inej’s not-so-subtle hint to talk to y/n.

Y/n nodded, “I know”. She swallowed and turned her gaze away from the soft way Inej was looking at Kaz. “Goodnight”. It was a weird exit, but what else was she supposed to say after that?

—-

Y/n halted in the doorway, unconsciously stumbling backwards a bit. This was getting to be too much. First it was walking in on their moment. Then it was watching Inej go to his office every single night for the past week. But now this? She hadn’t realized she’d moved backwards, away from the scene before her until she felt her back bump into someone. She silently turned around. Nina. She offered her friend and fellow crow an apologetic expression, not having known she was behind her. She watched as Nina noticed the scene that was now behind y/n, her eyes widening with surprise before quickly narrowing in confusion. She couldn’t hear this. Nina loved gossip. She loved Nina. But she couldn’t bear to talk about the potential romance between Kaz and Inej. Before Nina could react further or comment, y/n side stepped her in the narrow hallway and quickly left the safe house. She made her way to the backside of the building and rested her back against the brick wall as her butt slid to the ground. Breathe. It’s fine. She has no claim to him anyways. It was an unrequited crush. Is. Not was. As much as she’d hoped the tortuous observations of the last week would break her crush, they didn’t. They just broke her instead.

—

“Y/n? You have to talk to someone about whatever is-” Inej’s voice pleaded, bringing y/n back to the present moment. A moment where y/n had ventured out of The Crow Club in hopes the cold air would relieve some of the ache in her chest from having witnessed her crush and his crush on what seemed like a date. Except now, to add to her never ending embarrassment and heartbreak, her crush’s crush was now questioning her as to what was troubling her. Saints she really has the worst luck. It hurt even more because she and Inej used to be close. She didn’t want to lose her friend. But every time she saw Inej now, it physically hurt. Hence why she was trying to distance herself from Kaz and her both. Until her heart had time to heal and move on.

Y/n shook her head.

Inej set a soft hand on y/n’s rain-soaked shoulder. “You know you can tell me anything,” she reminded the girl.

“No I can’t!” Y/n cried. Her eyes widened in shock over her outburst and she quickly slapped her hand over her mouth, ignoring the fact that due to it being rainy tiny grains from the roof’s shingles had transferred to her hand and were now poking her face.

“What?” Inej frowned. “Why not?” When she didn’t get a response, she sighed. “Please? If I did something wrong I’d like to fix it”.

Y/n felt a few guilty tears escape her eyes. She wiped the grains off her face before she lowered her hand back to the shingles under them. “You didn’t, Inej… I’m sorry,” she whimpered quietly, “you didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Then why can’t you talk to me?” Inej asked.

Y/n sighed. “I’m just… working through something,” she explained vaguely.

Inej nodded, “I’d like to help”.

“Inej… Thank you, truly,” y/n replied. “But, it’s not fair for me to talk to you about this”. Inej hadn’t done this intentionally. It wasn’t fair for y/n to be upset with her. Or to be upset about it at all. But she was.

“So it does involve me,” Inej interpreted. “Y/n, please just tell me, I know your heart, I know you won’t mean any malice with whatever it is…”

Y/n sighed. Maybe this is what it would take. Maybe this would help her accept the way things were. Maybe it would help her finally be able to move on. To have Inej back as a friend. To not have an ache in her chest every time she looked at Kaz. Maybe even to be happy for them finding love together. Oww. That one still stung. Maybe that one would take longer. It wasn’t fair to make Inej feel guilty for this. But perhaps by telling her, maybe Inej would adjust her behaviors so that it wasn’t so in her face. Not that Inej owed her that. And y/n could never dare ask for that. But Inej was caring. Maybe she’d offer to keep her and Kaz’s affairs more secret. At least until y/n moved on.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this… and please don’t tell anyone, especially him…,” y/n pleaded. She felt bad for asking Inej to keep a secret from her… boyfriend? Is that was she and Kaz were now? She shook the question off. “But, I… kinda sorta… may have developed a little bit of a crush on…” she mumbled slowly. “Kaz, and I know how insane that it is. I knew the even before I knew about you two. But now I feel even worse about it,” she rushed out as quickly as possible. “And I’m so sorry Inej! I-”.

“Wait..,” Inej interrupted, resting her palm on y/n’s shoulder. “Why are you apologizing to me for liking Kaz?” She asked.

“Because it’s not fair to you! And I would never act on it now that I know, I swear!” Y/n vowed.

“Now that you know what?” Inej questioned, choosing just one of the many questions she now had.

“Inej,” y/n sighed as she looked her way. “I know about you and Kaz,” she informed her. “And I’m happy for you, really! It’s just that right now-”.

Inej couldn’t help but giggle. “Sorry,” she apologized. “But I couldn’t help it. Y/n, there’s nothing between me and Kaz,” she promised.

Y/n gave Inej a look of frustration. “Inej,” she scolded.

“I swear on every single Saint out there, I have no feelings for Kaz and he has none for me,” Inej spoke softly.

Y/n looked away for a moment, contemplating the last month. “I’ve seen it,” she argued. Maybe they were both too clueless to see it themselves? Was she really now going to have to point out to Inej how Kaz saw her? How he’d unknowingly chosen her over y/n? The universe was cruel.

“What are you-,” Inej began.

“You’re always in his office. He doesn’t let many people do that Inej. Then there’s the way he’s always looking over at you randomly. The way he tended to your wounds after the fight with Marcello. It first dawned on me when I saw the way he reached for your hand to stop you from leaving when I came to give him that damn coin,” y/n rambled, facing the skyline so as to not let Inej see her tears.

Inej closed her eyes as she was hit with guilt. She hadn’t considered how those things looked. Her eyes opened upon hearing y/n try to stifle a sniffle. She promptly stood up and held her hand out for y/n who gazed up at her in confusion. “Trust me, please,” Inej requested.

Kaz’s eyes snapped to the window as y/n and Inej made their way back inside. His eyes scanned y/n’s appearance but stopped upon seeing her red eyes. He turned his gaze to Inej in question as the Wraith looked his way.

Inej sensed the way y/n tensed up beside her. No, No, No. It wasn’t like that. No wonder y/n thought Kaz liked her. He was looking at her a lot lately. But it wasn’t for the reasons y/n thought! She turned to her friend and gripped her hand tightly. She wordlessly made her way to Kaz, dragging the girl with her. She gave Kaz a knowing stare, “now”.

Inej noticed the way Kaz seemed reluctant. Still. After everything she’d tried to do to convince him the past month. She narrowed her eyes and gave him a look. “Kaz, I’m dead serious. You have to tell her,” she commanded in a whispered but sharp tone.

Y/n heard Inej’s whisper and tugged on the hand that was keeping her from fleeing. “Inej?” She asked, uncertain where this was going.

Inej faced y/n with a supportive smile and shook her head. “I promise, it’ll all be made clear”. Her head snapped to the left as she narrowed her eyes at Kaz. “Won’t it Kaz?”

Kaz squinted in confusion. He looked over at y/n, trying to ignore the way her reddened eyes made his chest hurt. “What is it that is unclear?”

Y/n rapidly shook her head as she stared at Inej.

Inej sighed. Y/n didn’t want her to say anything. But it would be in y/n’s best interest if Inej ignored those wishes. “I…,” she began, but stopped. Kaz needed to do this. He needed to be the one to tell her. She worked with him for a month on this. The misunderstandings that were troubling y/n couldn’t be for nothing. “Just…. Tell her. Now,” she ordered, squeezing y/n’s shoulder before quickly leaving. She shut the door behind her and sighed as she silently prayed to her Saints for Kaz to finally tell y/n.

“Kaz?” Y/n asked nervously as she turned back to him after having watched Inej abandon her here.

“I’ve been keeping something from you,” Kaz confessed, his anxious eyes scanning her every move as he tried to read her mind. He watched as she nodded. Did she already know? No. If she did she wouldn’t be standing here. But maybe that’s why she had been crying. No. Inej wouldn’t demand he tell her if she already knew. So why was she nodding? And why had she been crying?

“Sometimes I hate you,” Kaz told her.

“You hate me?”

This wasn’t how Inej had instructed him to tell her when they rehearsed earlier tonight. But if he had to do this now and not on his own time, when he knew for certain how y/n felt, then this was how it was going to go. Not like it would matter anyways. It was likely unrequited.

“Sometimes. You’ve ruined things”.

“I… I… didn’t mean to”.

“That’s just it y/n,” he sighed, punching the bridge of his nose. “It’s not even fair for me to hate you from time to time over this because you didn’t mean to do any it. You didn’t mean to drive me insane. You didn’t mean to make me break the one vow I made to myself…”

“I don’t…”

“I told myself I’d never let someone in,” Kaz explained. “And then, you….” He groaned. “I don’t know how you did it. And I know you didn’t mean to. So, I know you don’t feel the same. But that doesn’t mean I don’t despise the fact you managed to do this”.

“Do what?”

“Make me feel this way!” Kaz rose his voice.

She squinted. “What are you talking about?” “You’re mad I managed to make you hate me?” she asked, seeking clarification.

“No! Dammit,” Kaz scoffed. “I’m mad you made me feel.”

“Feel what?”

“Everything.”

“Wh…?”

“You made me feel, y/n. In general. But also things I had buried years ago, with the intent to never feel again. You made me feel and I hate it.”

“Are you…? No… You’re not… You’re not actually suggesting you have feelings for me, are you?” Y/n asked in offense. Would he really stoop to this level?

Kaz looked away from her, opting to stare at his windowsill instead.

“If you’re trying to do this to keep your relationship with Inej a secret you don’t have to, I won’t-”.

Kaz choked on his breath. “My what?! …with who?!”

“Kaz”.

“No,” he cut her off as he shook his head and stepped closer. “Is that…” he began. Unlikely. He was probably projecting by thinking it might have something to do with why she’s been distant. Frustration took over as he found his mind to be a mess of crossed wires and chaos. He’d tried to express his feelings to best he can but was still not successful in getting her to understand. He knew she might not feel same way but still, this was annoying. “I’m not trying to con anyone,” he said, voice coming out a bit angry from his disbelief. He’d just confessed his feelings and she was questioning his sincerity and intentions? “If I was trying to hide my… feelings.. would I have just admired that vulnerability to you?” He asked rhetorically.

“But… you…”

“What?”

“The looks”.

“Excuse me?” Kaz sighed. “Full sentences would be great, y/n”.

“I’ve seen the way you are with her,” y/n defended.

“Care to elaborate?” He asked, brow raised.

“First, there was when I came in to give you the-,” she paused as her eyes caught sight of the item in question. He kept it. He hadn’t sold it. And not only did he keep it, he had it on a cushioned pad on his desk. He never kept trinkets on his desk. Focus. “That coin,” she said bringing the conversation back. “I walked in on… Well I don’t really know but, I saw the way you didn’t want her to leave. I clearly interpreted something and you didn’t want me to see it but I could tell you didn’t want her to leave”.

Kaz hummed in understanding. “You did interpret something that night.” He ran his hands over the coin in question for a moment in silence before putting it back down. “And you’re right. You don’t know what it was.” He sighed as he felt his cheeks flush. “I had asked Inej to help me with a project”. When she nodded slowly, he hesitantly continued. “That’s all”.

“It was really important,” y/n recalled, picturing the way he’d actually grabbed for Inej’s wrist.

“It was.” Kaz swallowed. “I tasked her with finding out how you’d feel if I told you…. If we had this conversation,” he corrected.

“What about when you were fixing her cuts from the fight against-”

“Marcello?” Kaz asked for her, knowing he’d only done such a thing once and still felt weird about it. “She’d refused to answer my questions until her wounds were stitched”.

“What questions?”

“Why you seemed to be becoming more distant. If she’d told you despite swearing not to.”

Y/n nodded slowly as she tried to absorb and analyze the information. He noticed? He was worried about that? So much so he attended to Inej’s cuts in order to get the answers to those questions?

“This is what Inej meant by things needing to become clear, isn’t it?” Kaz asked.

Y/n nodded.

Kaz hummed, “anything else?”

“You keep looking over at her randomly.”

Kaz chuckled dryly. So much for the silent check ins being subtle. “It’s not random”.

“Right.. no, I know.. that’s-”.

“I…. I can handle most things on my own, but making conversation, being… friendly.., isn’t my forte.” He sighed. “Inej was also tasked with correcting me if I said or did something that… well.. might have upset you or be taken wrong”.

Y/n blinked slowly at Kaz in surprise. “You-… what?”

“Anything else?” Kaz echoed as he cleared his throat.

“Tonight…”

Kaz groaned. “Ironically, Inej was trying to persuade me into having this exact conversation with you”.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did she want you to have this conversation with me?”

Kaz was silent for a moment. “She claimed she was tired of trying to collect signs that this conversation would go well and threatened that if I didn’t have this conversation soon she’d tell you herself.” He bashfully looked away from her again.

“You… you went and did all of this… because you didn’t know how I’d react?”

Kaz nodded stiffly.

“I … I’m still not sure I understand,” y/n confessed. “And I really don’t want to misinterpret this cause I’ll say something I’ll probably die of embarrassment for saying if I do”. “So…,” she shook her head in confusion. “I know feelings are… new… for you Kaz, but… You’ve both stated you hate me and that you were willing to go through all of this because you needed to know how I’d react to you telling me i made you feel things… but that’s… well, confusing!”

“Sometimes I hate you because I don’t hate you. Because I can’t. I hate that I feel… anything. Because it’s pointless. I hate that I can’t do anything about the way I feel. I hate that I feel I have to tell you this. I hate that nothing will come of this. I hate what this means for you”.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m wretched, y/n. And so is the Barrel,” Kaz said as he shook his head. “If anyone else knew this.. what I’ve been trying to tell you… you’d be in danger”.

“Are you saying that… no… I need you to say it. What is it you’re saying Kaz?”

“Even though unrequited, my feelings for you could be harmful if word got out. So while you might wish to gossip about managing to make the Bastard of the Barrel feel, I don’t advise doing so outside of the crows, or with Jesper either, he’s rather loose lipped and if it gets out to the wrong people you might be in the line of fire and-,” Kaz rambled nervously.

“Kaz stop… you… you like me?”

“Yes,” he answered gruffly. “How many times do I need to say that?”

“Once Kaz. I needed you to say it once,” she sighed. “You said you hated me.”

“Sometimes”.

“Right, sometimes hate me”.

Kaz echoed her sigh. “I don’t actually hate you. Ever. I can’t. I hate that I can’t, but it’s true.”

“So you just… like me? But.., hate that you do?” Y/n questioned. When he nodded silently, she frowned. “Am I really that bad?”

“What?!” Kaz hissed, his sharp gaze snapping over to her.

“Is liking me so horrible?”

“No,” He answered as he moved closer. “Unfortunately it’s not. That’s the problem.”

“Then why do you hate that you like me?”

“I told myself I wouldn’t feel this way. For anyone. Ever.”

“What’s so bad about feeling this way for someone?”

“I told you y/n,” Kaz complained with a sigh. “Nothing can come of it,” he reminded her.

“So… even though you like me. And I….” She took a deep breath, still in disbelief she was going to admit it to his face. “Like you,” she finished. “And all this miscommunication is cleared up, you’re saying that-,”.

“What?” Kaz croaked, eyes locked on her.

“What?”

“What did you just say?”

“The miscommunication is cleared up,” y/n repeated. That wasn’t what he was referring to.

“Before that y/n,” Kaz amended.

“That I like you. I said I like you Kaz”.

It was silent in the room for a painfully long time before he spoke again. When he did, all Kaz said was, “you do..?”

Y/n laughed. “Yes Kaz, that’s why I was upset over you and Inej being-”

“Nothing, we’re nothing,” Kaz interrupted.

“I know,” she smiled, “now”.

Kaz nodded. “You like me,” he whispered.

“I do,” she acknowledged. “And you like me”.

“I do”. He nodded. “But y/n-”.

“No”.

“No?”

“We didn’t just talk through all of this for you to just go back to pretending that we didn’t,” she declared.

“Y/n, if the Dime Lions, or Pekka, or-”.

“I don’t care”

“I do,” Kaz stated sharply.

“I know,” she replied as she moved closer to him. “And I appreciate that. But you know I can defend myself”.

“Yes, but the risks are too-”

“That’s what we do isn’t it?” She asked. Upon seeing the confusion in his eyes, she explained, “we take risks.”

“Not with your life, y/n”.

“I’ve already tried to ignore the way I feel, and it doesn’t work. That’s not living, Kaz”.

“You’d still be alive,” he argued.

“I would be either way, Kaz. It doesn’t have to be so dramatic and black and white”.

When Kaz merely sighed, she shook her head. “If you don’t want to be with me for any other reason, then-”.

“That’s not it,” he nearly growled.

“Then stop resisting. You’re refusing to let yourself live because of the chance something could go wrong. But, that’s life Kaz,” she spoke softly.

“You want this? Knowing the risks?”

“I do.” She nodded. “We can keep it secret if that would make you feel better. I don’t care.”

“It would, but what if it-”

“If it gets out, we deal with it, then. Together. Deal Brekker?”

The edges of Kaz’s lips uncontrollably curled up. “The deal is the deal,” he conceded, already plotting ways to keep this development on lockdown with top level privacy.

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Nine Long Years - Part 3

Nikolai Lantsov x Rietveld!reader, Kaz Brekker x sister!Rietveld!reader (platonic)

Part 2 --- Masterlist --- Part 4

Synopsis: After watching your brothers die, you found yourself working on the Volkvolny. In the many years since then, you somehow became the queen of Ravka while your brother somehow survived firepox and life in the Barrel, rising through its ranks. In disguise during a diplomatic trip with your husband Nikolai, you meet Kaz Brekker for what you think is the first time, only to find out that he is your long-thought-dead little brother.

Author's Note: Hello and welcome to one of the saddest things I've ever written. The next part will be a little lighter I promise. Also the next part will not be the last, this story might go one for another like three or four parts lmao.

Warnings: Death, Lots Of Angst, mentions of vomiting, panic attacks, firepox and illness, mentions of the Hertzoon con.

Word Count: 6,000

..........

FOURTH YEAR

"You're lost, and I'm the one who will pay for it!" 

"I am not lost. We're in the woods of West Ravka," Sturmhond said plainly.

"Oh, really?" You exclaimed, wanting nothing more than to smack him upside the head. "I didn't know that, Captain. And here I thought we were in the Wandering Isle!"

He ignored your sarcasm, forging ahead. You followed like an idiot with nothing better to do. No, only one of you was an idiot, and it wasn't you, the person who'd said to steer clear of those Drüskelle for Tolya and Tamar's sake. Your captain was very much the idiot, and now you were separated from the twins and wandering in what felt like an entirely aimless manner.

You had objected to the trip from the very start. Sturmhond wanted to go to Ravka to expand his communication network--for what reason, you did not know. He seemed to already know everything that happened in the Grand Palace even when he was thousands of miles away; surely there was a line of communication to his family, if that's what he was worried about.

But no, he insisted that he needed informants from all over Ravka, not only Os Alta. So he decided to rope you, Tolya, and Tamar into a little "business trip" as he put it. You didn't want to go, but he made it seem vital that you be there as his trusted second in command. Part of you only agreed because you wanted to see more of Ravka than just its ports; you had a fascination with the country. The interest stemmed from your time with Old Lady Trokowsky and the stories she told of her homeland. She made the vast country sound beautiful with its rivers and mountains and forests and tundra; you had only ever known the field and the city between your youth at your family's farm and the bustle of Ketterdam.

Still–despite your excitement at seeing Ravka–the fact that he dragged you out here only to get you lost and split up from the twins made you want to wring his neck.

"Fucking scoundrel," you muttered to yourself in your native tongue.

"You swear like a sailor," Sturmhond said in Kerch, slipping into the language with the refined lilt of a well-tutored prince. His words made your blood boil, and you sent him a glare. Honestly, it was like he made it his job to irritate you.

"I am a sailor."

He dared to laugh. "An apt assessment."

The two of you traveled until the woods gave way to a field of overgrown grass and miserable-looking crops. You stopped at a barn that looked like it might collapse at any moment as you looked past the field at the main house. It looked just as decrepit as the barn.

"You stay here, I'll check out the house," he said.

"Like hell I'm staying here," you argued, starting off towards the house.

Sturmhond muttered something snippy beneath his breath, and you glared at him over your shoulder. Despite his muttering, he still followed you.

You took the main floor as Sturmhond took the upstairs. There was nothing useful to you inside, but through the front window you spotted a well. You went outside and drank and splashed your face with the water before Sturmhond emerged with some blankets and a few dry matches.

"The place is pretty picked over," he said after taking a turn drinking the water. "But it looked like someone might have been squatting there recently, so I'd rather not run into them if they come back." 

You gave him a sour look which he easily deflected. "You want us to stay in the barn, don't you?"

He made no apology or a sheepish look of any sort, though he really should have. This was all his fault.

You shook your head and went back to the field. The crops were mostly unsalvageable, but once you searched the grass you found some gourds that had managed to survive without care. You cut them from their stems and brought them to the barn where Sturmhond had travelled off to.

He was setting the blankets over two beds of hay. You sighed at the sleeping arrangement. You were so used to your cabin on the Volkvolny now, and you dearly missed your real bed.

"I haven't been camped out like this since my army days," he said. "The nostalgia is almost nice."

The last time you'd slept without a real roof over your head was when you were on the streets of the Barrel, and you had no desire to reminisce on those days. You started building a fire with some scraps of wood Sturmhond must have gathered.

"Do you miss the army?" You asked him this question to keep your mind off the cold cobbles of Ketterdam.

"Sometimes. My family was proud of me then," he confessed. "They liked that their son was fighting for his country, but they liked it even more because I was good at it. My mother would brag to the court about how her son was the youngest Major in the First Army."

He sat beside the fire you started. 

"What about you? Does this barn remind you of your home?"

You pursed your lips. "Our barn wasn't quite as big." 

He nodded, letting the topic lapse as he knew you wouldn't divulge more information.

It was completely silent–save for the crickets–as you ate. The sun slowly set in an orange haze, and you had to admit the view was pretty. But once it was gone the air turned cold, a tell-tale of a long and miserable night.

……….

You shivered awake. The cold was something you hadn't borne since the nights you and your brothers spent on the streets of the Barrel. It leeched through your veins like the freezing northern waters of the True Sea. You were too numb to move your body, and you could only rub your arms to keep warm. Then you heard Sturmhond speak.

"We're going to freeze to death out here," he said, his teeth chattering.

"An apt assessment," you responded.

"I shouldn't have made our beds so far from each other."

"I'm not moving them now. I think my legs are frozen through."

You heard him get up, and in the next moment he was standing beside your bed, his blanket around him. Your eyebrows scrunched together as he nudged you.

You snapped at him, “What?”

“Move over,” he said, nudging you again.

“You’re not sleeping beside me on this shitty little bed.”

“I made that shitty little bed, thank you very much, and it’s either I sleep beside you or we both spend a night in frozen agony on separate beds and get killed on our travels tomorrow because we're too exhausted to think properly." He nudged you once more. “Now, move over.”

With a frown, you rolled onto your side, making space for Sturmhond to lay down beside you. He pulled his blanket over the two of you and huddled closer to you. His hand was shaking as he slowly brought his arm around you. When you didn't elbow him in the ribs he slunk closer to you.

He gave you some warmth as he rested against you, but he was still shivering and it made sleeping beside him more than a little uncomfortable. So with extreme hesitancy, you grabbed his shaky hand in yours and drew it close to your chest. He stilled for a second, but then you felt him chuckle, his arms softening. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding as the cold in your veins ebbed.

“Not so bad, now is it?” He said lowly, his voice close to your ear.

“Shut up, you twat.”

……….

In the morning, neither of you spoke about the night before, though you could tell Sturmhond wanted to. He kept staring at you and then looking away when you caught him.

You woke up with your face in his chest and your hands gripping his shirt for dear life. He was still asleep, and you thanked the saints that you were spared the humiliation of being caught in that position. You slipped away from your bed before he awoke and went to find food. The whole morning was spent dancing around the sleeping arrangements of the prior night.

You had no idea how you'd survive the rest of this unexpected journey.

After you ate, the pair of you packed up your things and took to a road off of the farm. It was a long and lonely walk, but after forty minutes you reached a village.

Sturmhond posted a letter to an address in Novokribirsk, a contact in the network that he had been building before your untimely encounter with Drüskelle. The contact would reach Tolya and Tamar and the four of you would be reunited soon enough, or so Sturmhond assured you. But, for now, you were to lay low in the village. 

There was the issue of where you would stay, but Sturmhond left you in a pub to order food and said he would sort it out. When he returned the first thing he did was grab your hand. You narrowed your eyes at him as he slipped a ring on your finger and pressed his lips to your knuckles. You had half a mind to punch him with your new ring, but you held off because of the people around you. There was no need to attract attention, especially when you were supposed to be laying low.

"Hello, my dear," he said, sitting down. "You should be more excited that I found your misplaced wedding ring, you know."

"I'm over the moon," you told him, rubbing a thumb over the flat gold band. Sturmhond had worn it since the first day you met him, but it fit you surprisingly well for a hand-me-down.

He hummed in response, picking up his knife and fork. You followed suit, suspicious and slightly confused, but too hungry to bother. 

On the walk through the village, he held your hand and explained to you that he told the innkeeper he was spending a few days in town with his wife.

"He seemed the old-fashioned type so I thought he might start asking questions about the two young people sharing a room." He gave your hand a squeeze. "This was easier."

"Alright, but why did you have to kiss my hand in the pub and why insist on holding hands now?" 

He flashed you a smile, his green eyes crinkling a bit. "We'll be stuck here for who knows how long; we have to keep up appearances."

You weren't thrilled about this, but you nodded to yourself. "Fine. What are we to be called?"

"Pytor and Ilse Ivanov. I gave you a Kerch name to explain away your accent."

"And here I thought my Ravkan accent was perfect."

"It's passable at best."

"Now you tell me."

When you arrived at the inn, you learned that Sturmhond was right about the innkeeper. The man had a razor-sharp stare on your hand, eager to spot a ring. Only then did he give you a polite nod. 

When you got to your room you weren't surprised to find a double bed instead of two singles, yet the sight of it still made you frown. You didn't want a repeat of last night in the barn and the embarrassment that came along with it.

"One bed," you commented.

"It's more cost-effective." He took off his drab coat; brown was an odd colour for him. "Plus, I thought you wouldn't mind seeing as we've slept together before."

He phrased it like that just to see you squirm, you were sure of it, but instead of giving him a reaction, you walked into the bathroom where you promptly began muttering swears at him in Kerch; he would still understand them, and you would still be giving him some kind of reaction, but you were too tired to bottle it up completely. 

You were glad to scrub off your travels with a warm bath. While you were at the pub, Sturmhond booked this room and went to a nearby shop to pick out an outfit for the both of you, so you were able to change into something clean, thank the saints. Once finished, you sat in a chair by the window as Sturmhond took your place in the bathroom. You started reading a slim book he also purchased. 

He'd spoken of cost-efficiency, and yet here he was making unnecessary purchases.

When he came out of the bathroom he looked rather put-together. The sight wasn't what you were used to from him. He was usually a rugged scoundrel, but right now he looked almost respectable with his face clean and his hair slicked back from the water. It wasn't a bad change, especially not when the ties at the top of his shirt were open and you could see droplets trailing his chest.

What was it about him with his shirt undone that sought to poison your mind? You ignored the warmth creeping up your neck as best as you could and returned your attention to the book. 

He was your captain–your employer–and you would not get more involved with him than you already were. A freezing night spent in each other's arms was one thing, but actually pining over him was something else entirely. 

And then there was the issue of his feelings toward you. You knew he liked you as more than a captain liked their second--he had practically told you that night in the Ketterdam harbours--but you couldn't encourage his crush. It wouldn't be right to lead him on when you did not intend to be with him.

"What are you doing?" He asked, leaning against the bed post.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"I mean, how are you--a lovely sailor from Kerch--reading a book in Old Ravkan?"

You turned your page. "Because I know Old Ravkan."

He chuckled to himself, laying down on the bed. "Never a real answer with you, is it?" Once he was settled against the pillows he spoke, "Read to me."

"Was that a request or an order?"

"That book is the entirety of our entertainment budget and I'm frightfully bored just sitting here with nothing to do, so read it to me, please."

You rolled your eyes and flipped back to the beginning, reading it aloud this time. He listened peacefully, staring at the ceiling as he laid back. After a while, you peered over and his eyes were shut, so you closed the book and climbed into your side of the bed.

"Why'd you stop?" He asked, definitely not asleep. 

"It's late and that book isn't very long. We have to pace ourselves since we're stuck here until further notice."

"It should only be a few days, a week at the most."

"Still," you said, "it'll be done and we'll be bored out of our minds."

"It's nice being read to." He turned on his side to face you. "It didn't happen much in my childhood; the nanny said I was too impatient to sit still and listen, though I suspect she just didn't want to read through the boring histories that collected dust on the shelf. But besides that, your voice is pleasant to listen to."

"I used to read to one of our neighbours. She was Ravkan."

"And I presume she's the reason you know Old Ravkan," he speculated, a light smile tracing his lips.

"Wouldn't you like to know," you teased.

"That's the thing," he said, his hand reaching for yours. "I'd like to know everything about you."

The sincerity in his eyes had you at a loss, and you pulled your hand away. Facing the wall, you murmured goodnight and turned out your lantern.

……….

You started your second day in the village with arms around you. Sturmhond couldn't keep to himself when he slept, and he was leaning the entirety of his weight into your side as you lay there on your back. Your head was tilted towards him when you opened your eyes, and you could see the top of his head from this position. His red roots were no longer red, a blond colour bleeding into his hair.

It seemed strange to you that his real hair colour was blond, but you supposed it wouldn't not suit him; he seemed like he could sport any look. 

A part of you was interested to see his real face and hair. Though it might pose problems if the people in the village caught on to his changing appearance. Worse still, they could recognize him as prince Nikolai and ransom him or commit some other terrible act. You were stuck in West Ravka, after all, and there was not as much support for the royal family to be found on this side of the fold.

When he woke up he didn't immediately remove himself from you. He slowly looked up at you, meeting your waiting stare.

"I'm surprised you didn't push me away," he said, a smirk encroaching on his features.

"My arm is numb from being trapped by you, how could I ever manage to push you away?" You asked. He still hadn't shifted, but you moved the conversation along anyways. "There's an issue with your hair."

"I've only just woken up," he grumbled. "You should see your hair."

You glared at him. "That's not what I meant, idiot. You're going blond."

That got him up. He hurried to the mirror in the corner of the room and peered at his hair. "Tolya re-tailors my hair and face every week. I'll probably be back to myself by the time we see him again."

"Will people here recognize you if you look like yourself?" you asked, rubbing the feeling back into your arm.

"They might." 

"Then maybe you should stay inside. I can bring you meals and--"

"I can't stay inside," he complained. "I'll go crazy being pent up in here."

"What other choice is there?"

He pursed his lips. "You could get me a hat. And a scarf for my face. Maybe some glasses for when my eyes change."

"We'll be spending too much money."

"How about we stay here one more night so we can hear back from Tolya and Tamar then move on to another village tomorrow?" He sat down beside you on the bed, reaching for your hand again. What was it with him and holding your hand?

"How many nights did you pay the innkeeper for?"

"Two."

You gave him a look. "You knew we would be leaving."

"Preposterous." He waved you off with a smile. "It's nothing but a happy coincidence, my dear."

You stood and went into the bathroom. His antics were getting on your nerves.

He called after you, "I wasn't joking about that hat, though. By tomorrow I'll be blond again."

..........

FIRST YEAR

Sleeping on the streets was less than ideal, but it was the only way you could stay with your brothers.

Working reception at the Exchange barely afforded you lodgings with one bed, and the houses you had looked at were strict with their tenants. Lodging houses were either split in gender, meaning your brothers wouldn't be allowed to join you, or they had a ratio rule of beds to people so renting for three was impossible. You were saving your money for a sufficient room for your family, and the Kruge that would help you do so felt heavy in your pockets.

After the Hertzoon scheme that Jordie talked you into fell through you insisted that you should be the one responsible for what little money the Rietvelds had left. Jordie couldn't argue much, and the money he and Kaz scrounged in odd jobs always went straight to you. 

Tonight as you shivered on a bridge, staring at the Barrel flash and hoping for one moment of rest, you felt particularly run-down. You had to look presentable and clean for your office job, yet it was easier said than done when you were living on the streets. You knew a woman from work who was kind enough to let you get ready at her house every morning, but she was not kind enough to do more than that. She had once offered you a room in her home, but when you asked if your brothers could come with you she shook her head. 

"Not enough space for rambunctious boys," she'd said.

"But they're not like that," you defended. "They behave very well."

"Look, I can take you alone or I can't take you at all."

In the end, you chose to stay with your brothers. They needed you, and you wouldn't leave them. You couldn't.

Kaz was slumped over in your lap, and even Jordie was leaning against your arm. The elder of the two wasn't asleep, but he had lost enough pride that he was no longer too good to cuddle up to his big sister. He would pass into a realm of bad dreams soon enough, though, and it would only be you staring at the gaudy lights.

It was the early morning, and in a few hours you would make your way to the more respectable neighbourhoods and enter through a backdoor so that none of the neighbours saw a Barrel rat coming into your associate's house. You would emerge respectable-looking, walk to the Exchange and scribe letters and brew coffee all day, then you would meet your brothers at the abandoned coffeehouse and try to find a safe place to sleep for the night.

It was the same as it always was, and you left as the sun started rising, shifting Kaz into Jordie's arms. They would try to find work during the day, but you imagined all they would find was trouble. It was the Barrel, after all, and there was no place there for little boys with decent hearts.

When you met up with them the sun was setting. There was the issue of dinner, and you shared something unfulfilling from a street vendor. You took the smallest portion because you always did. They fed you lunch at your work, but you never knew what your brothers might have had during the day. Every morning you left them enough money for one meal shared but it was hard to say what they could have gotten.

Kaz was against your side as soon as he saw you, and he barely separated himself once you were eating your dinner. He sat next to you, packing food into his mouth like a squirrel about to hole up for winter; you had to remind him to slow down. 

Jordie didn't have that issue tonight. He ate with small bites, as though the taste of it was abhorrent. It wasn't particularly bad, and saints knew you all had eaten worse from the street vendors of the Barrel, so you looked your brother over with wary eyes. When you pressed your hand to his forehead and he barely swatted at you, you knew something was amiss. He was burning up, and in the dim light you could see a patch of inflamed skin on his neck.

Firepox.

You had contracted it as an infant and survived, meaning you would be immune to it now, but Kaz and Jordie had never been exposed to the detrimental disease. You tried to contain your panic as you watched Jordie's eyes gloss over.

He was sick, and there was only so much you would be able to do for him. When you were sick with it, your parents had paid an arm and a leg for a Grisha Healer to keep you alive, but it cost them for many years. Now your remaining family was impoverished and without so much as a roof over your heads, and there was no way you would be able to pay for a Healer or university medik. 

You just prayed that Kaz wasn't infected yet, but it was unlikely he would be unscathed. They spent every day together. You let Kaz sleep in his brother's arms, for saint’s sake. There was no way that if Jordie was sick then Kaz wouldn't soon be sick as well.

"I can't finish this," Jordie said, pushing his portion away from himself. "It hurts my throat."

You scooped up his food before your littlest brother could reach for it, mixing it in with yours. Kaz frowned but said nothing as you kept eating.

You couldn't sleep at all that night. Tucked away in a narrow alcove, you kept Kaz on one side and Jordie on the other. He was coughing, a raspy noise that only got worse as the night went on. It was keeping him up, too, even though he needed the sleep if he was to recover. Kaz was safe in your arms, with no symptoms popping up yet but plenty of time for them to make an appearance. 

"It's firepox, isn't it?" Jordie wheezed as a gondel of masked revellers passed. 

"It is," you said, grabbing his hand. "But don't worry, we'll figure something out."

You had no idea what you could do for your brother but your reassurance was enough at that moment, and when you left the boys in the early morning they were both asleep, propped against opposite sides of the alcove.

When you saw them again at the end of the next day, Kaz was sluggish and Jordie was still glossy-eyed. They sat on the ground in front of the coffeehouse, skin burning up. You brought them dinner, but neither of them ate much. For once, you had a full belly, but you felt so sick with worry that you could have emptied it into the canals. 

You slept in the cover of a wall of wooden crates for the rest of the week, and you didn't bother trying to keep your brothers apart. As much as it pained you to think about it, there wasn't much hope for them to survive. You figured if they were going to die they might as well die in familiar arms. You couldn’t give them much, but you could at least give them the comfort of each other.

From then on your family stayed beside the piled-up crates your brothers had named the Nest. You would finish work every day and hurry to them, checking on their worsening conditions before finding dinner and forcing them to eat.

Kaz still attached himself to you like a leech, but his arms were weaker now and when he coughed you could feel his little body shake from head to toe. Jordie had abandoned all his pride and allowed himself the comfort of your arms in his last days. He seemed to know better than Kaz that you wouldn't be able to do anything more for them besides bringing hot chocolate and reciting old bedtime stories. One day you bought a vial of pain relief made by an alkemi, slipped it in their hot chocolates and prayed that it would do something to help them, but it only numbed some of their pain.

The fever did not wane and the cough did not subside. They were still terribly sick, and it was your fault. You hadn't kept them safe like Da had told you to. And now you would lose your brothers in a matter of days, maybe even hours; they were completely pale and clammy, and they both could hardly stay awake.

Every time you approached them after work or when you were bringing them food you had to brace yourself for the fact that they could be dead. And yet, all the preparation in the world couldn’t have made the sight of it any less terrifying.

It was only a week after Jordie had initially fallen ill; you were coming back from the university where you unsuccessfully begged a medik for aid. There was dread in your step, and you had taken to speaking to any saint who might be listening to protect your brothers. Your family wasn’t raised religious, yet you recited every blessing and prayer Old Lady Trokowsky had uttered in front of you. They were made in vain, though, you realized as you finally saw their lifeless bodies. A sob struck you and you fell to your knees, trying to rouse them awake, trying to bring them back to life, but it was no use.

They were dead. 

Though they were limp in your arms, you couldn’t help but hold your brothers. You should have been there when they passed, should have kissed their sweaty foreheads and whispered that it would be alright. But you weren’t there.

You added this to the long list of things you would never forgive yourself for; it would be right at the top. 

You huddled close to them for a long time, breathing in grime and sweat and the residual filth of the Barrel; it was the smell of death.

When the body men came through you had trouble parting with your only family, but after a bit of coaxing, you let go of them. No matter how badly you wanted to look away, to focus on anything besides their limp bodies, you forced yourself to watch them be rolled onto the sickboat. They deserved your attention at that moment, even if it pained you to see them rowed away. 

Then–hours after they were gone and you felt strong enough to move–you wandered up the streets, stopping only to vomit into the canal every so often. It was pitch dark by the time you reached the abandoned fifth harbour, and you were only dry-heaving. You sat there and stared at the boats. Your vision was blurry, your tears had not dried, but that didn’t matter. There was no one to remain strong for, so for the first time in forever, you were allowed to fall apart.

..........

FOURTH YEAR

Trembling awake, you sucked in a halting breath. You could see the dull blue wallpaper on the walls. You weren’t in Ketterdam, you weren't huddled against some crates in the streets of the Barrel; you were in a cheap little inn settled in a small town just outside of Novokribirsk.

A hand met your shoulder, and you turned to see Sturmhond's worried eyes in the dark. Without a second thought, you clambered into his arms, welcoming the comfort of his embrace. He smelled of soap and pine, and you were able to shake the scent of death from your head. You couldn't get the image of them being nudged onto the sickboat out of your mind though. How they rolled along the cobbles at the prodding of the bodymen's hooks.

Another shudder went through you and you squeezed Sturmhond tighter. He was sitting up, so you were practically in his lap, but you couldn't care less at that moment.

As always, you were completely unprepared for the nightmare recount of your brothers' deaths. It happened every so often, and you would normally cry alone and wait until morning for things to get better, but this time someone was willing to help you through it.

He leaned his cheek against your head, whispering to you that it would be okay.

"I'm here," he kept repeating. "I'm here."

He held you as your breathing slowly levelled out and you opened your teary eyes. He rubbed circles into your back and swayed back and forth in gentle motions.

It had been so long since you were held this way. Even when you had a living family it was usually you who was doing the cradling, whether that be Kaz on a stormy night, or Jordie when you were kids and he'd broken his arm. Or when they died, you thought with a near-retch.

You swallowed the bile in your throat and forced yourself not to think of that. Focusing instead on the lull of Sturmhond's heartbeat, you were able to distract yourself. It was more than unprofessional to be in his arms like this, yet you didn’t want to be anywhere else. He felt so warm, and after the bitter chill of your memories, you could do with some of that warmth. 

……….

You didn’t remember falling asleep, but you must have because suddenly it was morning and you were still lying in Sturmhond's arms. He had barely moved, simply settling the two of you down against the pillows. His shirt was soft against your face, and you pinched the fabric between your fingers, tethering yourself to the world around you through the white linen. Despite how small they were, your movements woke him, and his grip tightened around you for a second then relaxed again. He was a light sleeper.

“Good morning,” he murmured, his cheek resting against your head as it had in the night.

You should have slipped out of his arms and asserted that it was wrong to be so close to each other for the sake of your working relationship, but your position on the matter hadn’t changed since last night when you hurriedly sought his arms.

Maybe it was a defect of being away from the ship for too long, but you simply didn't care anymore about your working relationship. It was a crazy notion–a notion that made so little sense to you yet somehow made more sense than breathing. Suddenly it didn't matter if things would become awkward or stilted between the two of you; he was cozy and warm, and for the first time in so long you were completely comfortable.

Sturmhond shifted, moving down the mattress so that he could be at eye level with you. He studied your face like a book, reading every line with careful consideration. You thought you might collapse under the weight of his stare, but you held steady. When he finally spoke his voice was low and calm.

“Can I ask you about last night?” He inquired.

Dropping your eyes, you let out a breath. You knew there was an explanation to be had, but you weren’t sure you could give it. For so long you had hidden your past, and now it was jumping out at you. 

“I only want to help you,” he said, closing a hand around yours. “You were thrashing and kept repeating ‘don't die, don't die.’ If I'm being honest, it scared me. Please, just tell me what’s wrong.”

A heavy breath escaped you and you clamped your eyes shut. He wanted to know why you had woken up in the dead of the night, thrashing and sick to your stomach. He wouldn't have to pry–though you were sure he was too polite to pry anyway--because he deserved an explanation for the circumstance in which you willingly sought his arms.

And so you buried your face in his shoulder as you slowly told him everything. You outlined your move to Ketterdam with your brothers, how you had been swindled out of your money, how they’d gotten sick, and how you were powerless to help them.

It took a while, especially since you began crying halfway through. It came out in stuttered, breathy sobs, and you couldn’t look at him the entire time. His shoulder was wet with tears, and you held tight to his shirt.

"It's not your fault," he said once you had finished.

"Didn't you hear a word I said?" You rubbed your eyes. "It is my fault."

"It was an outbreak of firepox. You were in no way responsible for that."

"But I was supposed to look out for my brothers, Sturmhond." You sat up, slipping from his grip. "I should have kept them away from it!"

"You did everything you could," he insisted, leaning forward and gently setting his hand on your back. "I've read about firepox. It's not easily contained or cured. You did the best you could in a bad situation."

"It wasn't enough."

You slumped back down in resignation and he followed. After a moment you sought his arms again. He sighed and gave up trying to convince you of your innocence in the situation. For now, he just held you as he had for hours and hours. 

……….

A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to like, reblog, and comment if you want to read more, I really appreciate the feedback! The next part should be out in like a week. If you want to be tagged please comment on this part or send me an ask. Otherwise, I hope you have a great day/night :)

Part 4

Taglist:

@babyblue-chaos @mischiefmanaged71  @red-ace-in-space @almostjollypizza @gabby10100 @rosexdenis @tayswiftlovebot @cecebridgerton @houseoftwistedspirits @gxdsmonsters @sweet0pia-uw @starrynightsil @ell0ra-br3kk3r @knmendiola @lyria-skyfall @adharanotfound @kato-ptris @unicornfairytail @milkshake0 @inluvkai @wwwlusspace @for-writing-shit @stickyfictioninwriting @4-everm-0-re @reidwritess @fallonaurr @lollulroofl @meg-the-second-greatest  @justsomecreaturewandering @madnessinwrighting @goldenpoison @theghostofshadows @bilesxbilinskixlahey @wolfmoonmusic @nyctophiliiiiaaa @avengers-assemble123456 @catzpawn @angelhxneyy @alinasmcu @itshardtopickaname @pomagranteseeds

[qdrntln4]

stained.

pairing: kaz brekker x fem!ghafa!reader

genre: hurt/comfort, established relationship

warnings: mentions of reader’s trauma, description of murder (reader’s/inej’s parents), author input of (probably incorrect) lore, mentions of non-consensual sexual activities (only briefly mentioned, nothing major, related to the menagerie), kaz can push past his touch aversion with reader, kind of just a word vomit, mentions of food (pomegranates, obviously), let me know if i missed any :]

a/n: the ghafa!reader idea was inspired by @raven-steinderolo so credits to them for that idea ❤️ (big fan btw), the rest of the fic is all fresh from the mind.

my father had pomegranates at his house and as i was opening one to eat it, i got this idea for a kaz fanfic. i’m probably a bit rusty coming back into the writing scene so please be patient- but i hope you enjoy nonetheless!!

every time the coach pulled by strong, black horses passed that street, she looked to see if her cat was sitting outside of the long abandoned house, waiting for her return; every time, the cat was never there.

after a month of being left alone in that hell hole full of prostitution and lustful men, the coach finally came back. this time, as the black leathered box passed the street, she hadn’t looked up. her eyes were casted down, only peering out of the rain-stained window once the light of the passing village had struck her by surprise.

she hadn’t looked up.

she hadn’t seen if the cat was awaiting her return.

besides being a show for men young and old to pry their eyes at, she was a maid. a cook’s maid. she only did one thing. she peeled the pomegranates.

she picked only the ripest ones, squeezing it to hear the crack of its bones. the sharpest knife in the kitchen would enter her hand. the fruit bled out onto the wooden cutting board placed beneath it. she picked up one half at a time, squeezing the sides with both of her hands as hard as her muscles could muster, watching the remaining blood and few seeds fall into the bowl.

then, she’d get to work. she’d crack the skin, plucking out the stubborn red speckles that latched onto the white silk within the confined walls of the pomegranates.

that’s all she was used for. that’s all the world saw her as able to proceed with. that and pleasuring the disturbed horniness of the men who didn’t care for consent.

her sister was no different, except she never knew how to crack open a pomegranate, how to touch it as if it were a virgin.

there was one thing the sisters shared, though. it seemed that inej had passed down her ability to be silent. the wraith — a most unsuspecting member of the crows passing her knowledge and traits down to her younger sister only to create two of the same person.

that’s how (Y/N) got out of the mess of the menargerie.

and that’s how inej came running up to her, on the ground, pulling the suli sister into a long mourned embrace.

“how on earth do we get these open?”

the three crows were gathered around a small basket, the contents inside of the straw-woven piece red and round. jesper picked one out, tossed it about before inej snatched it off of him, placing the fruit back where it was picked from.

“has anyone actually opened a pomegranate before?” kaz asked, hands on his cane as if it was his default stance. jesper stayed silent, watching the pomegranates as if they could grow legs and run away. inej perked her head up, eyes lighting up with an idea.

“i know someone who can,” the suli girl’s lips pulled into a smirk, feeling the presence of a wanted crow on her back.

“you called?”

(y/n) stepped beside her sister, a hand instinctively wrapping around inej’s bicep. surprisingly, kaz gave a little jump, one gloved hand coming up to rest on his fast paced heart. not so surprisingly, jesper gave a yelp and asked for the umpteenth time, ‘how does she do that?’.

(y/n) looked down to the basket of pomegranates, a frown forming on her lips. inej instantly took notice of the shift in demeanour. it was then that she remembered, she remembered how her sister was taken away every week for one night then brought back a few hours later. a sorry look crossed inej’s eyes, though (y/n) paid it no attention.

before anyone could speak up on the matter, she stepped forward, rolling up the sleeves of her white button up, taking the basket in her hands and disappearing into the small, clammy kitchen that hid behind the bar.

(y/n) picked up the fruit. she squeezed it to hear the crack of its bones. she picked the sharpest knife in the kitchen. the fruit bled out onto the cutting board, small stains of red appearing on her shirt. she picked up one half at a time, squeezing the sides with both of her hands as hard as her muscles could muster, watching the remaining blood and few seeds fall into a bowl. then, she got to work. she cracked the skin, plucking out the stubborn red speckles that latched onto the white silk within the confined walls of the pomegranates.

it was all the same. she saw her young hands below her, soaked in the juice. the dark red stains always reminded her of blood. the blood of her mother as her father stabbed into her back before their baby girl. the blood of her father as she did the same to him, forcing the man to watch himself bleed dry in the mirror before him.

inej had held her after her doing, telling (y/n) that everything was going to be okay. that they were safe now. they thought so. back then, they were.

but when (y/n) looked down at her stained hands and shirt, she knew the hand holding her shoulder wasn’t inej’s. instead of leather, she felt skin. his skin.

kaz’s hand.

she hadn’t realised the tears that had slipped from her eyes. the salty water slipping from her cheeks down her neck.

kaz pulled her to face the side, rubbing a warm, wet cloth over her hands to rid of the red. he unbuttoned her shirt, slipping it off of her shoulders before replacing the soaked material with a shirt of his own. he knew the scent of his cologne always calmed (y/n). the smell of smoke, whiskey and rain mixed all into a muse of kaz himself.

the waters hadn’t risen. he no longer felt the salty liquid lapping at his calves, or his ankles, or his feet. the water no longer appeared when he touched (y/n). it was like that the first time they held hands after a heist. everything that night went smoothly after thinking of all the terrible outcomes. walking shoulder to shoulder, their fingers softly brushed against each other, slowly, but surely, their fingers interlinking with one another.

(y/n)’s breathing slowed to a steady pace. kaz always had that effect on her. their foreheads came to close the gap between their bodies; just a touch of skin-to-skin to tell each other the words ‘i’m here’.

kaz looked down to catch her line of sight, placing a soft kiss to her lips. it felt as if the world around them didn’t exist. the loud buzzing of the crow club dialing down to a low murmur as their lips connected. how (y/n) could’ve used this as a young girl. stuck in that kitchen, the voices in her head screaming at her.

before, all she saw was her father’s blood on her hands. now, she can push past the longing trauma to see fruit that she’d probably bring an extra bowl up to her partner deep into the night as he worked.

“hope is dangerous,” kaz opened his eyes to look at his lover, who was already gazing up at him in awe. “clouds your judgement.” (y/n) finished.

before, that sentence was used to push each other away. now, it’s a way of grounding each other.

hope is dangerous.

if you hope he was still alive somehow, despite the countless blood stains on that mirror, it’ll come back to haunt you. don’t let it haunt you.

clouds your judgement.

i’m not him. you can stab me all you like, i’ll love you like he never could.

[euphoniumpets]

All of the girls you loved before | Nikolai Lantsov x Rietveld! Reader

Summary: You never thought falling in love with the captain of hummingbird, yet alone the prince of Ravka.

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x Rietveld! Reader

A/N: i missed writing one-shots of my favorite characters and this came up my mind since i'm a sucker for the reader being Kaz's sister and something about taylor swift song send me feelings about this one.

Warnings: pure fluff, just some slight ptsd.

old masterlist | navi | new masterlist

Of all the plans you conjured over the years, this had to be, by far, the morst risky, inconvenient, fragile, stupid plan yet. Maybe you'd been a little vague from the moment you saw the private ship and decided to board on it when you left Ketterdam.

You'd always wanted to venture out into the world, seeing the possiblities and what's out there, unlike your brother, Kaz Brekker. When Jordie died, you two were never the same. You succumbed into the darkness and you tried everything in your power to survive of the cold streets of Ketterdam.

You swore that day to yourself that you would not be there again, trying to figure out on how to survive. Because that's what you two did, despite seeking out the vengance you longed for, you longed for the freedom.

Leaving Ketterdam was the hardest part since you would not have your brother next to you at all times. Kaz had been at your side ever since Jordie died, not letting go of you since he was afraid that the same thing would happen to you.

But you assured him that you would be fine and that you would send letters when you had time to assure him that you was alive and well. Inej and Jesper was sad that little Brekker was going out and you wished that Inej could be there with you, but some day when someone didn't owe her, you would tell her about the adventures and someday, the two of you would venture out in the world together.

Jesper had handed you guns that he had bought in order to ''keep you safe''. Although, you didn't want to admit it, but the guns were pretty useful and you understood why know he had the passion for his guns since he would always talk about them.

And so you did say goodbye to the city who caused you harm and ventured out in the world. With your ability to blend in with your Ravka accent and your clothing, you got on board with no trouble at all.

You got settled in quickly by the crew at the Hummingbird, and Sturmhond, the captain was kind enough to lend you a room. Tamar was the only one who ever questioned your background over the years, but you kept quiet about it.

Of course, Sturmhond knew your story was patchy, but he also understood running from your past was better than anyone. The relationship between you and Sturmhond started suddenly, nobody saw it coming, including the two of you. He didn't see coming the ability to shamelessly flirt with you, or when his heart would jump whenever you was near him.

Despite when Alina Starkov and Mal had arrived at the hummingbird was the recognition in their eyes when they knew that you was there. Being the great friends that the three of you were, they didn't say anything.

You were glad that they decided to keep their mouth shut, and in return, you helped them to find the Sea Whip along with Sturmhond. You and Alina talked about there was something about your captain that the two of you couldn't put the finger on it, but you never discussed it further.

Then the groups were splitting up, and it was only you and Sturmhond in the room. The plan was discussed in detail, turning over and over. He knew that you were intelligent, and you knew that he was lying to you. Maybe a little to intelligent for your liking, but that's what you had been when you and your brother would plan the heist together.

''There's just one thing, before we join hands and whatever we do, I want to know exactly who i'm running with,'' Sturmhond replied and looked up from the map. You looked at him with an amused expression.

''Who are you really?'' He asked.

''I should ask you the same,'' You replied and crossed your arms. Your eyes narrowed at your captain. ''I see,'' He replied before closing the door.

''Nikolai Lantsov,'' He spoke, waiting for your reaction. It didn't came a surprise to you, knowing that he struck a deal with Jesper and Kaz when they returned back to Ketterdam. ''Y/N Brekker, I figure out that you're the one who struck a deal with my brother,'' You responded.

''Indeed,'' He responded. ''Now, why are you here?'' He asked and went back to his position. ''I already told you from the beginning,'' You rolled your eyes. ''And I guess your answer still stays the same?'' He asked.

''Yes?'' You replied, although, your answer sounded more as a question.

''So, how much does this change?'' You frowned. ''About us,'' He explained.

''Nothing,'' You answered and you saw him approaching closer to you.

''Really?'' He asked and you felt him coming closer to your body. You froze and didn't dare to move.

''Really,'' You answered. You looked up from the ground, meeting his hazel brown eyes. You took a deep breath, preparing for the feeling of drowning. It had always been like that after Jordie died, you couldn't stand other people's touch, just like Kaz had been with others. It made you feel drownsy, like you couldn't breathe as the water suffocated your lungs while you tried to catch your breath.

But some people were able to pull you out and some people were Nikolai and suddenly, you didn't felt like drowning, but instead, floating around with peace.

[the-sound-of-her-wings]

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder

❀ Premise: You have a panic attack. Inej and Kaz comfort you. Based on this ask. ❀ Pairing: GN!Reader x Kaz Brekker, GN!Reader x Inej Ghafa ❀ Word Count: 1,115 ❀ Content Warnings: Description of a panic attack, thunderstorms, fluff

It catches up to all of us, eventually. That overwhelming feeling of dread that you can never quite put your finger on, your mind running endlessly yet producing nothing. Your heart races, your stomach turns- you become completely consumed with your own inner world to the point the one outside of your head doesn’t exist. It squeezes every semblance of coherent thought out of your mind until all that’s left is instinctual fear. 

You sit on the edge of your bed, glancing out the window as the rain beats against it. You can barely make anything out at this time of night, but the occasional strike of lighting shows you that everything is as it should be. So why do you feel like the world is ending? 

You stand, bare feet touching the cold wood floor. It creaks underneath you, adding to your unease. You leave your room, your safe haven, trying to out run something that exists in your mind. 

Standing in the hallway, you feel more at ease. Had you suddenly developed a fear of thunderstorms you hadn’t had before? That seemed unlikely, given the amount you’ve lived through at this point. You stay still for a while, unsure of where to go next. 

Lightning strikes, lighting up the end of the hallway in a brilliant flash. The thunder hits less than a second after, far to close for comfort. You exhale heavily and stumble, completely caught off guard. Your mind is flooded by the same sentence over and over again I’m going to die. I’m going to die. I’m going to die.

A door at the end of the hallway opens, and you look over at it, terrified. 

“Y/N?” Inej asks. “Are you okay?” 

You shake your head no, unable to speak. 

She dashes over to you, though her footsteps make no sound. You feel one of her hands on your back, in between your shoulder blades, and the other holding your wrist, guiding you forward toward the open door. 

Inej can feel how tense you are under her touch, especially in your shoulders. It’s like she’s touching a rock. She’s seen Kaz like this before, has had him freeze like this under her touch even when he wanted it. She’s done the same. Inej remembers when her shoulders used to tense like yours, the pain it caused. She rubs your upper back lightly as you make your way into the room. 

Kaz is sitting in a chair in the far corner, reading a book under candle light. He glances at the door as the two of you walkthrough it and continues to hold his gaze when he sees the fear in your eyes. There is nothing else behind them- not even recognition. He closes his book and grabs his cane, making his way over to you. 

The thunder booms overhead once more, and you freeze completely, even with Inej encouraging you to move to the bed. 

“Y/N,” Kaz says as he gets closer. 

There is a brief glimmer of recognition in your eyes through the panic.

“Kaz,” You reply, “I think I’m having a panic attack.”

“You are,” Kaz replies, closing the door behind you with his cane. He takes a seat on the bed. 

“You should sit,” Inej encourages, letting go of your wrist to gesture towards the bed. 

You take a step forward and pause, your whole body beginning to shake. You take a step backwards, causing Inej to remove her hand. You keep walking backwards until you hit the door. You slide down it, sitting on the floor, staring blankly ahead. 

Inej sits down next to you on your right side. Kaz sighs, not really wanting to get up again, but he does it anyway. He knows you need him, too. He sits down on your left. 

“Have you always been scared of thunder?” Inej asks, caressing the back of your right hand with her thumb. 

“I don’t think it’s the thunder I’m scared of,” You reply. 

The thunder roars above, but you don’t flinch this time. You don’t react at all.

“What are you thinking about?” Kaz asks, his hand resting your thigh just above your kneecap. His bare hand, you realize. He lightly pats you every few seconds.

“I was thinking about a lot of things before this, but then it was like I had no thoughts at all. Just fear. I thought I was going to die.” You reply, bringing up your left hand to bite your nails and resting it against your lips. 

“You aren’t going to die,” Inej reassures, bringing your hand up to her lips and pressing a long, kiss against your knuckles. “You’re safe here.” 

“I know.” You reply. “How long until my heart stop racing?” You ask. 

“It shouldn’t be long now that you’re mind has come back,” Kaz states.

You sigh, removing your hand from your lips and leaning your head against his shoulder. He flinches impercetively, not expecting you to have come to him for comfort like this. He had assumed that Inej would be more appealing, since she had a better tolerance for touch than he did, even if it was not by much. 

“It might have been the dark. I’ve been having nightmares about the fold,” You say, yawning. 

“Sometimes they just happen,” Inej replies, laying her head on your shoulder, still holding on to your hand. 

You sit like that for a while, listening to the sounds of the storm outside, the rain pattering against the roof, the wind howling. 

“Can I stay here tonight?” You ask, looking up at Kaz. 

“If it will make you feel better,” He says. 

Inej lets go of your hand, and stands up. You slowly peel yourself away from Kaz, and offer your hand to help him stand. He opts to use his cane for support instead. 

“Get some rest. You need it,”  Inej says, moving to open the door you had all been sitting against.

“Where are you going?” You ask.

“I thought-” Inej begins, looking between the two of you, “You want me to stay?” 

“Why would I want you to leave?” You reply.

The three of you climb into bed, with you in the middle. There is just enough space in between you to give you some semblance of personal space, but it would be gone if you tried moving even a small amount. 

You stare up at the ceiling with Inej and Kaz beside you.

“Do you think the weather will be better tomorrow?” You ask.

You hear Kaz exhale, amused.

“I think so.” Inej says, turning towards you. 

You close your eyes, giving up your mind to slumber. There are no nightmares that night.

[shawty-writes-a-little]

From Eden 3.

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part4]

Darkling x brekker!reader

Summary: Summary: The crows find out about the Aleksander facade, Kaz has very civil reaction to his sister

Word count: 5.3k (sorry it took so long)

An: does anyone know how to get the “read more” thingy? Someone told me but I forgot

—

Jesper quickly stopped y/n crossing his arms at the exit door from the lab given both Wylan and y/n were situated at the lab as a sort of safer space, their cleaner record and Kaz proclaimed their inability to fight. "Slow down are you really alright?" Jesper asked her with furrowed brows as he stood in front.

"Yes-yes huh uh yes..." Y/n nodded frantically trying her best to compose her heavy breath after the dream, which is what she wanted to call it but it did not feel like one. Both Jesper and Wylan sat her down on the sofa again taking their seats on the chairs across her.

"You look a bit shaken y/n are you sure you are fine?" Wylan urged, he was in the lab as she made small talk before drifting off to sleep and she seemed just fine to him then.

"It—it was just a dream!" She exclaimed rubbing her eyes as she tried to settle back, overcoming the feeling. She had a lot of things going on at the moment to figure out herself, being kaz's sister she never had a problem being stoic or hiding something as drastic as loosing the love of your life. Truly, the siblings had mastered not letting any major problem show on their face. However y/n realised her grief was getting heavier than she panned out to be-the dream about Aleksander? Seeing him, his touch in her dream it felt so heavy.

"What was it about? You can talk to us..." Wylan said with a wide smile and comforting tone.

"You have been really offset ever since you got back" Jesper added "Whats wrong? Is it about pekka? The kidnapping?"

"No no-not that no" Y/n shook her head, loosing Aleksander weighed over all her other problems. She had trusted Jesper with a lot of don't-tell-kaz situations before and she was aware even when Aleksander was alive, when she were to break the news to all of them Jesper would be the first one. She wasn't so sure about the demo boy though "Could we perhaps talk alone? Because well I can't have Kaz know."

Jesper firstly was taken aback and confused, she hadn't gotten her hands on a lot stuff ever since she got back to ketterdam what could she possibly have done in this much time. "I won't tell Kaz!" Wylan exclaimed, he knew y/n meant she wanted to speak to just Jesper but he was keen to know.

Y/n looked at Jesper with an unsure look, "I promise! I won't tell him anything I swear" Wylan urged, he knew y/n could not trust him with her secrets not that he had given her a reason, he was just new. But he meant to hear her out.

"You can trust him" Jesper said with an assuring shrug to include Wylan in whatever sordid tale she had. However, as she told them about it, Aleksander, almost getting married. The two just blankly stared at her, out of all the wildest things to ever happen nothing could've prepared them for this.

As y/n finished narrating she sat a few moments in silent as the two just stared at her with wide eyes as if she had declared a new regime "Will you two say something?"

"The darkling?" Jesper asked, to be confirm for one he had to be confirmed eight times if the darkling he knew was the darkling she was talking about and all eight times he'd want her to be wrong. "The darkling? The general? The grisha general?"

"Yes. Yes him." Y/n nodded with her lips curled into a thin awkward smile, she never had to break the news to anyone at little palace given everyone knew of their intimacy however her own friends. Jesper seemed far too stunned than she had originally imagined.

"The shadow summoner?" Wylan asked as well, as he did some hand gestures to resemble him "Kirigan? General Kirigan you mean?"

"Yes!" Y/n confirmed again in a high pitched voice getting irritated by the second as it was getting hard to figure out if they were confused of horrified.

"Almost marrying him?!" Jesper whisper yelled as he looked over his shoulder to the door to see if no one was overhearing. "When did you plan to tell us?"

"I did! I was planning on coming here to say it myself because the letters were too formal-"

"Have you lost your mind?!" Jesper said as he stood up pacing around the room. "Did you not once think what would've happened if Kaz knew about this from someone else and-"

"I never intended to keep it hidden!" Y/n said raising her brows, in truth she never did. However her older brother was complicated and she knew even if she was with a nice white collar man Kaz would have his dramatic theories so Aleksander was far from ideal however she did plan to tell Kaz before everything went downhill. "But—he isn't here anymore. There is no point."

"Kaz is right down the-" Wylan tried to tell y/n if she still planned to let him know.

"I meant Aleksander..." Y/n said interrupting her as he replied with a dejected 'oh' of his misinterpretation.

"You do realise he will find out eventually right?" Jesper asked crossing his arms. "I wish I never asked you what was wrong." He said still panicking as he paced around

"What do you mean? I don't plan on telling Kaz anymore he will make a big fuss about it how would he know?" Y/n asked with an obvious tone.

"He always finds out." Wylan agreed staring off as he realised Kaz would find out about his sister's affairs, worst thing you could find yourself be involved in "I'm sorry but I wish you wouldn't have told me either because when he finds out I'll be involved as the one who did not tell him beforehand."

"Why you wanted to know!" Y/n exclaimed truly surprised by their rather regretful behaviour "Look—Kaz won't find out. I have mastered hiding stuff from him he will not find out from me and the only other people who do know are across the fold. Despite of all that...Aleksander is dead." She said with a dejected huff as she tried to hide it as if it didn't mean anything to her "It doesn't account for anything even if Kaz does find out."

"And to think I almost shot at your husband to be" Jesper said with a playful scoff as both y/n and Wylan shot him a too-soon look. "Sorry" he muttered and sat on the chair across y/n again.

"If I'd known what he was going to do I swear I never would've gotten you Kaz and Inej on the ship that day trust me I did not know he—" Y/n began to ramble as Jesper nodded interrupting her midway.

"Of course!" Jesper scoffed in an obvious manner, he didn't even need to be reassured that y/n wouldn't ever put their lives at stake. "That's alright I know that-it's just well you and Kirigan...I never would've expected that." Jesper had only ever seen her as the girl who begged him to teach her card tricks and how to swing a gun to make you look intimidating, how to tie shoe laces, he had always seen kaz's sister as his own and her making big decisions at all was a bit emotional.

"I know!" Y/n replied exhaling with downcasting her gaze. She knew it was difficult to explain her situation with Aleksander, what he'd done in the past was his past. All she had known of him from when she first knew him wasn't that man, it wasn't the man who made the fold it was the man who'd bring the world to its knees for her, he was her Aleksander but there was no way she could explain that without sounding like a dumbfounded idiot who couldn't see past him. All of that yet after he died she couldn't hold what he did wrong against him because what hurt more is she never got a goodbye, "He hurt a lot of people. He did a bad thing and I do not endorse that" she reasoned and reached out for her side pocket and took a ring in front of the two "But I just—I just can't seem to let go off him" she said as he voice cracked and she held the ring between her fingers, not wearing it, she simply stared at it as if it was his face.

"Your grief is just as valid y/n" Wylan urged as he leaned forward "Loosing someone you loved is difficult and because he hurt people doesn't mean you don't get to grieve. You loved him despite of what he was, you loved him. And however wrong it might sound you-"

"No no it's alright." Y/n shrugged off clearing her throat, she hated being consoled or comforted not because of the sense of vulnerability. From what she'd learned from Kaz she had known that in order to deal with your wearies you never tell anyone in on it. The only way. "I am not going to weep about it all my days I have grieved enough I am alright." She raised her brows with an unserious shrug. Being way more familiar with bottling her emotions than letting it out there was a sense of comfort on holding onto something she'd always known. The only person she would always have was herself, that's how Kaz dealt with everything and so did she. The only person who tried to break these walls of her was Aleksander, would she admit that it worked? But would it matter now? Aleksander was gone, the walls were back up and the unnamed emptiness inside of her grew amongst the heavy weight of his absence.

—

In a fortnight or so Kaz brought back all they'd lost to pekka, not necessarily all whom him and y/n had lost. But still, the crow club however much in ash, they had it back. Their stadwatch off reputation and life back up out of the underground. Settling into their old rooms again y/n could barely recall it being over three days or so, a knock bringing out the most of unexpected of news with a new job proposals for the 'thieves'. "Inside inside inside!" Jesper exclaimed hurriedly as he stood in y/n's way from coming down the stairs. "Don't!"

"What is happening?" Y/n asked stepping back given the obvious fright on Jesper's face it seemed her presence downstairs could be difficult in a way. However there were no sounds of gunshot or fight being heard from down the stairs just a faint discussion.

"Zoya. The Etherealki? She is here!" Jesper explained as he looked over his shoulder warming y/n about it. He had known from the grisha order and poise way of speaking she was a previous little palace resident who must known of the general and y/n like she had mentioned the other day.

"Zoya?" Y/n asked confused, "Nazyalensky? What? What is she doing here?!"

"A turn of events actually..." He chuckled nervously unsure what would be the right tone to lay this news on her "The general is alive." He paused a bit to let her comprehend that "They want us to steal the Neshyener because our general dear has apparently had some modifications over the course of being well dead but at the moment he isn't actually he wasn't to begin with—"

"What?" Y/n asked standing stunned and not capturing any word after 'the general is alive' "He is alive? What?" She repeated the same question yet Jesper did not seem to be joking about it as he nodded "How? He-he is what? Aleksander?! Aleksander is alive?!" She asked in a frustrated tone as all the emotions of glee, anger and dejection went through her in just two seconds.

"Yes that is the news Zoya and her corporalki accomplice brought in they—" before Jesper could finish the news y/n was already moving past him rushing down the stairs. "No y/n wait—" Often he did not keep Kaz's secretl well if only from Inej, Jesper preferred letting her know if he wasn't explicitly told. However he tend to take y/n's secrets to his grave because they had a history of dont-let-Kaz-know between them. Situations Inej could get them out of, however this was the first time that if Inej knew she would be far more disappointed.

At the moment as y/n rushed down the stairs she did not even think what she'd tell Kaz "What happened? Alek—Kirigan is what?" She asked frantically.

"He is alive apparently." Kaz said with a distasteful expression at his mention, already in a bad mood from his affronted dialogues with Inej.

"H-how? How though? Didn't he die-that day in the fold-didn't he-?" Y/n asked still comprehending this mountain of a discourse on her. Wylan shared an awkward frown with Jesper from across the room as she shrugged in replying with a gesture that couldn't keep her from rushing down her.

"The worst ones always make it out apparently." Inej commented with a nod, her belief in santka Alina was enough to fuel all possible despise for Kirigan.

Taking a deep breath in y/n nodded "Huh-so-oh-so that...so that is true?" She asked however it was more of an admission to herself.

Kaz was a bit zoned out already planning on how to steal the Nesheneyer not so quick to pick up on whatever crisis y/n seemed to be having, however Inej caught on "Are you alright, y/n?" She asked her in a soft tone.

"Mhm" she cleared her throat realising the weight of this news in the room, she straightened her back crossing her arms as if she wasn't more concerned about this than the rest of them "Yes I am just-I am surprised how he just—still alive. That—that rascal!" She said with a scoff to seem oblivious on the information she held on. Hoping Nina wouldn't pick up on her heartbeat, however Kaz did. Not on her heartbeat but on the way she spoke, she never often spoke half or delayed words.

Before Kaz could make a remark on that Zoya spoke "If it isn't the wedding bells I hear!" This is what Jesper tried to warn y/n about. Well not that she had volunteered to come down to the war zone she might as well face it.

"Zoya, don't." Y/n scowled hoping she would keep her jokes and remarks to herself because it was a time bomb waiting to tick off.

"What?" Kaz asked as he studied the amused reaction from Zoya that unsettled his sister "What wedding bells?"

"Zoya..." y/n urged again pleading with her eyes, it would be so much better to come up with a lie for Kaz later than have the whole scene unfold in front of everyone, not that she minded everyone but she was still getting over the news she had just gotten of Aleksander being alive.

Zoya looked around the room for once, everyone's expression oblivious as if they didn't know what she meant to imply, they truly did not. "You haven't told them have you?" She huffed.

"Told us what?" Kaz asked raising a sharp brow.

"Yes uh what-what is it that we most definitely do not know?" Wylan added trying to act just as unknown as the rest of them to whatever information was about to follow.

"Now is not the time alright?" Y/n said to Zoya shaking her head at her as she disregarded kaz's question.

"Your sister was about to get married" Zoya said as she smiled at y/n she was clearly delighted to be the one to relay this information, Kaz already had his face scrunched in a frown however Zoya added "To Kirigan."

"What nonsense!" Kaz said as he clashed his cane on the floor and stood from his chair. He did not even need to ask his sister wether this was true or not he practically knew that couldn't simply be true.

Taking a leap of confidence onto kaz's trust in her y/n stepped forward standing next to Kaz as she scoffed in disbelief at Zoya "You make up lies like these about other people is why your own life is so miserable!"

"Oh? I am the one who is making up the lie?" Zoya replied raising her brows at the sheer audacity of her to deny it with such confidence "We had wedding preparations going on for her and the general, resumed due to the winter fete." Nina could tell that Zoya wasn't lying as she pried on her heartbeat. However she kept it to herself truly not wanting to believe that kaz's sister almost married Kirigan. She wouldn't have wanted to believe so for anyone.

"Bullshit." Kaz scoffed once again with his unwavering belief of his sister's way of life, he had been writing letters to her all her time being at the little palace and she would often visit ketterdam whilst there, she never once mentioned the Kirigan. If it was as far stretched as marriage surely she would've told him.

"Do I look like I have the time and patience to fool around a group of thieves?" Zoya retorted.

"Don't flatter yourself it would take eight of you to fool the lot of us" Jesper quipped a bit offended at being referred to as a 'crook'

"Jes." Inej said keeping him from further comments, not that she minded it but the tension over y/n getting married to the shadow summoner was far worse for quips and witty remarks.

"Alright yes sure Zoya! You are absolutely right! I most definitely was madly in love with the general and I was about to get married to him and yet this entire time I did not tell my only brother about it!" Y/n remarked sarcastically throwing her hands in the air in exasperation as if she was genuinely being falsely accused.

"Y/n isn't lying." Nina said this time with wide and confused eyes.

"See!" Y/n exclaimed "Thank you Nina!"

"No—you weren't lying about what you just said. Your heartbeat was steady" Nina added shaking her head to clear when exactly y/n wasn't lying.

"See!" Zoya exclaimed further with the same smug smile she had the entire time.

"Enough of this." Kaz said "Y/n, tell me the truth." He demanded as he turned to his sister who did not say anything further which secretly worried him a bit to even wonder that Zoya was right "Y/n..." He spoke again as his sister looked down to her feet but he leaned lower to follow her gaze.

"It's not that I did not wanted to tell you trust me I was about to-" y/n rambled rushing to her defence as she was aware no amount of denying could let it get past Kaz now. Gasps went across the room yet Jesper and Wylan seemed to be the most shocked as they played it out.

"You..." Kaz seethed as he felt the weight of the world crushing on his shoulders "You imbecile! You bloody imbecile! Do you have any idea what kind of a-"

"Do not raise your voice at me!" Y/n exclaimed furrowing her brows, she knew e was partially in the wrong "Do not raise your voice at me!" She said raising her voice the same volume as his.

"When were you planning on telling me?! At my funeral? Or when I'm in my grave?" Kaz scoffed at her with a million other things and questions to stay brewing inside him, at the moment he was so angry to say it all at once.

"This—this is exactly why I didn't tell you before because I knew you would react this way—this" she pointed between them "this dramatically!" Y/n exhaled placing her palms on her face as she tried to calm herself.

"What exactly was it between you and that heretic?" Kaz asked with a distasteful expression.

"Well" Y/n looked around the room to stall but the horrified faces of everyone just made it worse "We were—romantically involved and it just-"

"What were you even thinking?" Kaz said as his face twisted in disgust and he strolled across the room "No-what was I thinking?" He emphasised on 'I' "Sending you to little palace so you're safer there amongst your own grisha, but this entire time your foolishness was the problem? It was my fault to think you might just act your age and do anything BUT marry the worst possible man to ever walk the land but you exceed all expectations y/n!"

"Stop patronising me! I understand I should've told you earlier and I am sorry. But you are acting as if I committed an unspeakable crime!" Y/n exclaimed to her defence as she shrugged, she never considered her and Aleksander a mistake even after what he did. She simply had far better memories, a life on a more beautiful phase of itself and she did not plan to make it revolve around 'what would Kaz think of this'

"How long has this been going on?" He asked y/n yet when she did not reply with an unbothered expression so he turned to Zoya "hmm?"

"Five years or so..." Zoya said truthfully and tolya gave her look. She wasn't adding fuel to the fire, her intention may have been it but she was just being truthful.

"Four and a half." Y/n corrected rolling her eyes and Kaz's face was almost seething with uncontrollable anger, those around him had only ever seen him like this for a handful of time, so angry that he wasn't even scheming.

"You are so awfully naive" Kaz said with an irritated huff "Who else knew about this?" He asked out and turned at the faces of the rest of the crow, neither Nina nor Inej had any input. Jesper had a rather solemn face as well however Wylan's eyes were darted off everywhere else in the room "Wylan?"

"I did not know beforehand she just told me prior this week and I had no idea it would be something this huge but Jesper and I had promised her we won't tell you." Wylan blurted out, as Kaz has expected.

Jesper shut his eyes in disbelief "Wow" he mouthed at Wylan "Kirigan was presumed dead at the time otherwise we would've surely informed you."

"Oh how thoughtful of you Jesper. Tomorrow if he dies again be sure to hide things from me because what does it matter then?" Kaz rebuked and turned to y/n again "Do you realise y/n? That if all the morons in the entirety of the world had to come together and pick a leader you would surely would have no competition!"

"You are upset and I understand that but you aren't entitled to say whatever that comes to your mind because I did not tell you one thing" Y/n replied as she crossed her arms.

"I have had to protect you all my life." he spits out before he can stop himself. He's never spoken these words aloud. He's always just done it and made sure to never say it, but his emotions are all over the place right now. "I've had to keep you safe from everything so I believe I do  have the right to be angry when you do something so stupid."

"I am sorry you did not left me in an alleyway or something when we were younger truly sorry to take up so much of your life!" Y/n scoffed letting out a dejected huff, it was just a bit affronting the way he spoke about having to keep her safe "All you did was have me hide somewhere or send me away to keep me safe—that is even after crow club. To you it is-I am your responsibility before your family."

"I think we are all just crossing lines we don't mean to we can have this conversation later—"Inej tried to reason and have the siblings to stop fighting.

"No let him have at his melodrama." Y/n said with a grimacing "You know instead of all this slander if you had started planning on how we get the Nesheneyer-"

"We?" Kaz stopped her mid sentence "We" he pointed to the rest of the room "We are getting the Nesheneyer. You are not coming with us."

"What? No-what why? All of the crows are going why not me?" She asked a bit surprise that Kaz would exempt her out of nowhere.

"All of the crows did not almost get married to a monster and did not tell me about it." Kaz said as he raised his brows at her in a matter-of-fact attitude.

"What does that have to do with this? You cannot just hold that against me!" Y/n exclaimed in a high pitched voice.

"I can hold that against you. I am holding that against you." Kaz said firmly.

Y/n was getting hugely irritated at Kaz's decisions on how and where she should be situated "Well fine. Do as you must but you do realise you cannot just hold me back? I can come along on my own."

"How so?" He asked in disbelief and total faith she could not get anywhere across borders on her own.

"To serve Ravaka." Y/n replied bluntly, truly wasnt her reason but whatever worked.

"You do realise Ravaka's enemy at the moment is Kirigan himself? The man you were indulged with for five years and almost married? He is a traitor to Ravaka which makes you one as well." Kaz explained.

"We have the same blood so if I'm a traitor then you're a traitor." Y/n replied sharply.

"I can disown you then." Kaz replied with a shrug completely unbothered by the idea.

"You don't have enough time for the papers." Y/n reminded him, being disowned was kaz's very overused threat to her to stop her from doing what he did not want her to. It only ever worked until she was ten later she just came to realise he was always bluffing, even now.

"I will forge the papers." Kaz said having one solution after another, not that he would do it but just letting her know it was possible for him to do so.

"Then I will forge a passport." Y/n replied crossing her arms.

"I will lock you behind ten metal doors!" Loosing his patience to deal with his conversation Kaz exclaimed, he already had a lot more to say to her about going behind his back to run rendezvous with the darkling.

"I would love to see you try let's see if you have both hands by the end of it." Y/n threatened as Nina let out an exhale of 'saints' the siblings were getting on each other's nerves.

"I said you are not going then you are not going!" Kaz said letting out a heavy breath thinking his word would be the last.

"You are such a prick!" Y/n gave him a shove agitated that he wasn't even trying to consider what she had to say.

"I am trying to protect you!" He poked her arm with his cane in response to her shove truly leaving all the patience for a civil conversation.

That was it, the siblings were at each other's throat after that quite literally throwing hands at one another. Kaz held his sister by her collar as she tried lunge at him a few punches or so "You raggedy little man stop trying to sabotage my life!" She yelped as they continued pushing and shoving each other, throwing hands in an attempt to get the upper hand. 

"That monster of your you almost married wasn't sabotaging your life?!" Kaz exclaimed poking her with his cane again once she kicked him, he bed a firm upper hand having gripped her by her collar to keep her from reaching to scratch at his face. "Got manipulated for five years almost into a marriage and I am the one sabotaging your life?"

"It isn't what you make it out to be. I dare you say that again-"

"Manipulated. He manipulated you. You dimwit-"

"You son of a bitch—" She was about to swear at him more when he tugged at her hair "Ow. Ow-ow." She struggled yet managing to continuing kicking him.

"We have the same mother!" He reminded her, the rest of them present in the room knew they had to intervene at some point. Inej was the first to take a step. Nina, Jesper and Wylan followed too with much struggle to get the two to separate.

Tolya gave his input as well, he simply lift y/n off Kaz as Nina stood in front of her and the others managed to get Kaz to stop poking at her with his cane "I will kill you!" She yelled at her brother still waving her legs in air to reach him.

"Not if you die first!" He screamed back struggling against the barrier of Jesper, Wylan and Inej.

"Enough..." Nina urged the two of them "Enough of this. Nobody is dying."

Kaz inhaled a sharp breath as he straightened his coat and tried to calm himself "Put me down!" Y/n exclaimed as tolya still had her mid air, and she scoffed irritatedly as she stared down Kaz. She knew if she treaded there same way with him again it would be of no point. She took a deep breath to collect herself as she rubbed her eyes.

"You can throw all the tantrums you want but you are not going with us. It is far too dangerous as it is and how do I know you won't run off to your beloved monster?" Kaz snapped as he attempted to leave the room, not wanting to have any more of this conversation he was already disappointed and mad for y/n about her and the general.

"I won't Kaz please that isn't fair I am sorry!" Y/n began with a gentler proceeding tone.

"I said no." Kaz said unmoved by her apology, even if she did mean it he was far from accepting it. He was so good at holding a grudge as it is.

"But Kaz..." her voice trailed off but Kaz was already walking out, she paced upto him "Please I am sorry I truly am. I know I upset you I was wrong and I know should've told you. Believe me I never wanted to keep you from it and I planned on telling you countless times I am sorry. I really am but for now...please let me come along. Please I have never asked you for anything all my life please just this one time let me come along." She pleaded, he could mad at her all he wished after that.

Kaz breathed in heavily as he looked like he was considering it, he looked like he did always, solemn and unreadable but if he wasn't already saying anything he was considering it. "You are not to leave my sight for once-"

"Done." Y/n replied agreeing to whatever terms he had if he planned on letting her go with him.

"You will not leave my sight for once and you are not to pull any stunts." He finished his condition with a serious expression as y/n nodded.

"I promise I won't!"

—

HI HI let me know if you want to be added to the tag list and also don’t forget to drink some water cutie

Tags: @gwenspter @sloppyzengarden @mori1b2bpad @zeeader @shitpostrandomness @duchess

[lady-ashfade]

Warmth

Nina Zenik x Child!Sister!reader.

Notes: I imagine the reader like 9-10. I just really wanted Nina so I made this. Requests are still open.

This is like a blurb/Drabble because idk the difference.

Warnings: Fluffy, a little bit of angst, very short.

You watched her hands hold the strains of your hair and worked her magic, she was braiding your hair. You missed her warmth, you missed the older sister who kept you safe. “Am I hurting you?” She asked. You shook your head and smiled at her, “Just thinking.” Shrugging your shoulders to kept her at bay, but she didn’t believe you.

“Hmm.” She finish one braid and then put her head on top yours. “You need to practice lying if you’re going to be around kaz.” You laughed at her comment. Her eyes lingered on you for a moment. She was worrying about you. “So, what’s wrong little one?”

“Just thinking how you left and I thought you were dead.” You answered in your head because couldn’t say that out loud but it was true. You had been at the little palace and training when you were tested, and you came to live with her. Then she disappeared without a word, no goodbye or anything. Then the fold expand and everyone hated grisha, you were hunted and hidden. The worst part was you had thought she was dead.

“I was just thinking of how much I missed you, I was so scared I’d never see you again. It’s just…Nice to be back with you.” Her heart broke but healed at the same time. Her arms wrapped around you and pulled you closer as she kissed your head. You smiled and giggled when she wouldn’t stop pressing little kisses on top of your head.

“I’ll always come back, little sister.” She looked up at you in the mirror. You felt whole with her back, her smile and arms wrapped around you. Closing your eyes relaxed and she went back to your hair.

It’s been nice here, even in ketterdam. The group- The crows they called themselves was interesting to get to know. You were so young they couldn’t believe what it was going to be like having you around. They all warmed up too you quickly, even kaz- Tho he didn’t admit it.

Matthias scared you. You knew who he once was but he made Nina so happy. He was a big man, and you didn’t know about him, but he never showed you any harm. “He’s a teddy bear.” Nina called him. And sometimes you could see why.

But in this moment it was just the two of you, a moment between sisters. And that was enough.

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Catra 🤝 Kaz Brekker: asking their love interests to stay

[apathetic-kiss]

Kerch History Museum (Section 2B, Ketterdam Artifact Archives)

Poster advertising gambling bar 'The Silver Six', sister venue of the infamous 'Crow Club'. Both bars were known as havens for gang activity in Ketterdam, and some believe they were owned and operated by Dregs leader, Kaz "Dirtyhands" Brekker. Obtained from an anonymous donor 11″ x 17″ Artifact #24721

[stray-kaz]

Memento Mori : a Kaz Brekker x f!reader oneshot

A/N: A request! Thank you for this idea!

Summary: Reader is poisoned by a rival gang leader hoping to force Kaz to his knees by taking you down. Kaz is afraid and murderous, a fatal combination.

Reader’s nickname, because of her profession, is Bee. (And it’s just easier sometimes to allow use of some kind of name instead of being constantly vague).

Memento mori: remember you must die.

Warnings: Violence, blood, near death. Poisoning. Kaz near breaking point.

Inej flew up the stairs in the Slat to Kaz’s quiet office, Jesper tearing after her, coattails flying out behind him. Matthias waited at the bottom of the flight, your limp, still form in his arms. Nina stood next to him, sweat beading on her forehead as she pressed both hands hard down against your heart.

“I am not a healer, I am not a healer, I am not a healer” she kept muttering.

“You’re all she has” Matthias reminded her gently. “Just keep going.”

Kaz looked up from the ledger he was filling in, irritation written all over his features, when Inej and Jesper burst in, panting. They had run all the way from the bottom of the Barrel.

“What is it?” he demanded.

“It’s Bee” Jesper managed to gasp out. “Talyss stung back.”

Kaz stood with such force his chair skidded away and toppled over. He grabbed his cane from its position leaning against his desk and pushed between Jesper and Inej, making his way down the stairs faster than they’d seen before.

He didn’t make a misstep and he didn’t stumble or fall, but when he saw you, Kaz wondered briefly if this was what death felt like. His hands shivered inside his gloves as he raised a hand to remove an errant curl from your forehead. Nina stared; it was the tenderest thing she had ever seen him do. He loved you.

“My room” Kaz rasped, and stepped aside so that Matthias could carry you upstairs, Nina edging along the banister so she could keep your heart going.

Inej was just finishing preparing Kaz’s bed when you were laid down gently on top of it. She covered up to your waist with a heavy blanket and Nina sank down beside you, her skirts rustling around her.

Kaz hovered like a ghost in the doorway of his own bedroom, watching your face, wan and lax. Your eyes rolled beneath their lids, and just as he was about to bite his tongue, come closer and hold your hand, Wylan skidded into the room and did just that. His knees slammed onto the wooden floorboards and, bright eyes wild, fluffy hair in disarray. He squeezed your hand and you whimpered, still unconscious.

Kaz took a threatening step into the room, but Jesper moved to block him, shaking his head firmly. Kaz glared at him, but for once, Jesper didn’t flinch.

“He’s her friend” he said quietly.

It was true, and Kaz knew it. Wylan was his chemist, bombmaker, demo man. And you were his poison maker, his sting, and the love of his abominable life. You worked with Wylan most days and were more now like brother and sister. He loved you, too.

Wylan looked up at Jesper then, an idea sparking in his eyes. 

“You can take the poison” he said, looking suddenly a little feverish himself.

Jesper glanced uneasily around the room as he suddenly felt all eyes on him. He rocked back on his heels, met Kaz’s implacable gaze.

“I’ve never done it” he beseeched, spreading his hands out wide. “This is what killed my mother, Kaz.”

He felt a tug on his hand and glanced down at Wylan.

“You wouldn’t need to take all of it, Jesper. She practices with poisons every day, taking small amounts to build up immunity, always with an antidote to hand. Tonight, you are the antidote. She just needs enough gone for her system to start fighting on its own” he told him.

Jesper looked at Kaz again; he said nothing. Jesper sighed quietly and gently nudged Inej out of the way so he could sit opposite Nina and clasp your other hand. He closed his eyes and concentrated, feeling his way along the channels of your veins, almost able to taste the metals in your blood.  Fine dark veins rose on the back of your hand and your eyes flew open to stare at Jesper. You tried to pull your hand away, but he held fast, swallowing hard against the pain.

Kaz’s jaw clenched so tight he thought he felt a tooth crack when your first cry rent the air. Tears spilled over your lashes and onto your cheeks, and you tried again and again to pull away from Jesper, but he was stronger than you and could sense the end of it.

Wylan held tightly to your other hand and Matthias stood sentinel behind him, a stony set to his jaw, though his eyes were worried. Kaz had never seen you cry tears of pain. He had never heard the animal sounds wailing out of you, howling at the walls and the window. He had never seen you break.

He tightened his grip on his cane. He was going to find Talyss and his band of thugs, beat him nearly to his grave and then pour his poison down his throat to send him the rest of the way.

As he turned to leave, he felt a hand lightly brush his sleeve and looked to see Nina. He raised his eyebrows impatiently, waiting.

“Bee is strong enough” Nina said steadily. “There is hope for her, Kaz.”

He merely shook off her hand and spoke over his shoulder as he walked away.

“Hope is dangerous, Nina.”

As Dirtyhands made his way to the bottom of the Barrel, gutter dwellers avoided eye contact and leapt out of his way, edging back into the shadows. He heard the whispers as he passed, cold fury and determination disguising his limp. There were those nearby him who knew why he was there and those who had no idea and were terrified to see him. Either way, both types of people hid their faces and did their best to remain undetected.

The door to Talyss Novak’s converted warehouse was locked, which didn’t surprise or deter Kaz. Normally, he’d go quiet and careful, but tonight he didn’t care for quiet or careful. He didn’t reach for his lockpicks, he simply hefted his cane in both hands and swung it at the door handle. It crunched under the weight of the crow’s head and the inner lock clattered onto the floor on the other side.

Kaz pushed the door out of his way with the toes of one shoe and stepped across the dark threshold, cane still gripped tightly in one fist. His other hand had slipped into his pocket, gloved fingers tightening slightly around the vial of poison he had picked up from the workshop you shared with Wylan along the way. He had no idea if it was the same poison or what it did, but judging by the thick red “!!!” on the white label, it would hurt.

A hand landed on his shoulder and he twisted out from under it, wrenching slightly but not caring. He swung the cane like a truncheon and felt something give wetly under his strength. There was a strangled scream and then they all came out of nowhere, trying their best to take down the bastard of the Barrel. But Kaz would not be taken anywhere tonight. He could smell blood, and he wanted it all, the sounds of your pain still ringing in his ears.

When there were bodies heaped around his feet, some still and noiseless, some groaning pitifully, he reached down and grabbed the coat collar of the most alive one. He moved in nice and close, face blood stained and dripping.

“Your boss” he hissed, teeth bared. “Now.”

A weak hand pointed towards a twisting stair shaped shadow and Kaz dropped him back to the hard concrete floor and stepped away, the men already forgotten.

The staircase was quiet and he could hear the soft sound of blood on his glove slipping on his heavy cane. He reached the top and moved silently along the landing, again reaching for the poison in his trouser pocket. A door at the furthest end of the hallway stood ajar. His instincts screamed that the worst of Novak’s men would be behind that door, but he could not bring himself to care. They would all die.

As he approached the dark side of the door, he heard his name spoken.

“Brekker.”

The door swung open and a single lone man appeared, backlit by the interior. With a flick of his thumb, Kaz released the tiny vial stopper and circled finger and thumb around the glass neck.

“How’s your girlfriend? Still breathing? Or dead as a dormouse?”

Kaz walked forward slowly, clenching his teeth against the pain of hiding his limp. Peripheral room checks told him he was alone with Talyss. The man was a maniac, or stupid. Kaz was betting on the latter.

“Did you really think you could take me down by removing my sting? Novak, I don’t need anyone. You made a mistake thinking that I do.”

“Then why’re you here, Dirtyhands?”

“To make you pay for that mistake.”

Kaz decided to temporarily forgo use of his cane; instead he struck with his other hand, shoving the vial with its contents into Novak’s mouth, swallowing hard against the bitter bile that rose in his throat as his gloved hand forced the man’s jaw up and shut and he heard the splintering of glass plink against his teeth. 

Novak screamed through closed lids, Kaz’s hand tightening even harder. Thirty seconds dripped past and Novak finally wrenched himself away, opening his mouth to spit glass and a damp pinkish mist. He coughed, choking, and Kaz realised enough glass had been inhaled to perforate his lungs. Talyss Novak was drowning in his own blood, before the poison even did its work.

Kaz helped him along a little; he lifted his cane and lightly prodded the older man in the centre of his chest with the solid flat end. It didn’t take much prodding before he was flat on his back on the cold rough concrete, rasping blood soaked air in through piecemeal lungs.

Kaz stepped closer and leaned over him, watching until his eyes started to stare and his chest stopped spasming. Then he turned and walked out the way he came, blood and fear pounding in his ears.

When Kaz finally staggered back in through the doorway of his bedroom in the Slat, he saw you sitting up in his bed, leaning heavily against Jesper’s chest but rosy cheeked, damp hair sticking to your forehead. Your eyes were opioid bright, glossy and damp looking, but they focused on him with the ferocity he was used to, and something loosened inside his chest. He opened his mouth, and what came out surprised all of them, but most of all him.

“Please.”

Nina held you up while Jesper eased out from behind you, then plumped several pillows up behind your back and shoulders. Inej briefly touched your shoulder and Wylan blew you a kiss. Nina leaned hard on Matthias as they walked out of the room, followed by the other three.

Alone finally, Kaz shed his cane and coat and almost collapsed onto the bed next to you. He retained his gloves, which you understood; in your current state, sweating and clammy, the touch of your skin on his would remind him too much of Jordie. But he wrapped his arms around you, drawing you down onto his chest, and held on as tightly as he thought you could cope with. 

You sighed.

“Is the problem dealt with?” you asked quietly, your voice sounding uncomfortable and hoarse.

Kaz scoffed a chuckle and nodded.

“Yes. The problem is dealt with. No more stinging the stinger.”

“Good. ‘Cause it pretty much sucks.”

Kaz tipped your chin up slightly so he could see your eyes, his expression serious.

“You will improve your immunity” he said, a statement and not a question. “I do not want to do that again.”

What he meant was: I will not survive your near death again. If you die, I will also.

You gazed back at him and nodded.

“I will” you promised. “Never again, Kaz.”

He nodded back, leaned his head on the wall of pillows and closed his eyes, settled for now with the knowledge of you safe in his arms.

Tagging: @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r​ 

[rainydaymiscellaneous]

I hate to ask again but I had and idea. Also the last one was so cute thank you. If you can can you please write a Kaz Brekker x reader where the reader is in love with this book but no one has read is so they have no one to talk to about it so Kaz reads it and starts a conversation about it with the reader and they get really happy and start ranting about it to him and he’s just happy to sit and listen to them and make comments from time to time

Dude, send me all the requests for our boy Kazzle Dazzle your ideas are so creative!

Book Club (Kaz x reader)

He needed an opening. Just one solid reason to actually talk to you. You had been in the Dregs for years now and Kaz was still struggling to even breathe around you. He had this crush on you that he refused to admit was there. Inej saw it, even dumbass Jesper saw it.

You'd assume that Kaz was mute if it hadn't been for your presence in the Dregs. You had been there for a long time but disappeared on a mission far off for three years. The room above Kaz had been vacant and then suddenly it had life. Kaz had no idea anyone even lived above him until you knocked on his door your first night back and asked him to join you for tea.

There you sat on a nice couch with a cup of chamomile. Kaz was perplexed by who you were and why the fuck you wanted to drink glorified leaves in water.

"Why am I here?" He asked.

"You tell me." You said, sipping from your cup. Kaz furrowed his brow.

"You asked me to have tea with you." He said, watching you with those daggers for eyes.

"You didn't have to say yes." You shrugged.

"I did."

"You did not." "I did." He said. "Okay then, why did you have to accept?" You asked. He sighed, looking at you with his gloved hands gripping his cane.

"Because I needed to know who was suddenly living in the room above me." He said. You rose a brow.

"You could've asked Inej to investigate." You said. He blinked.

"You know Inej?" He asked.

"I've been in the Dregs for three years, of course I know your main lot. Inej, Jesper, Nina, Wylan and that off-putting convict Mattias." You said.

Kaz was confused. How did you know so much but he was ignorant to you? How did he not know who you were?

"I'm a sharpshooter. I use that-" you pointed to a rifle on the mantle "rifle to kill whoever you want dead." You said.

"Why do I not know you?" Kaz asked.

"I was off in Shu Han for Haskell." You said. "For what?" Kaz asked.

"You do your business, I'll do mine." You said.

He liked that response. It meant you'd keep any secret that slipped through your ears. "I will work for you when you need me. Say the word, I will be there no questions asked unless one of ours is bleeding." You said.

"Why tea?" He asked. "We easily could've done this over something less detestable."

You chuckled. "You've not had the right tea then." You said with that smile.

That fucking smile. From that moment on Kaz was hooked. He couldn't help it. It was hard to not fall in love with someone like you. You were always there when he needed you, apparently you had taken some training on stealth from Inej, leaning to be one with the dark making you even more deadly.

But for the deadly persona that the streets simply knew as "the bullet", you were a gentle person. Kaz often noticed you with stray animals, seeing that kind smile. The one that made Kaz at a loss for words. You'd often make that same smile at Kaz when you'd pass him with a gentle "hi boss."

Sure, technically Per Haskell was the "boss". You however knew damn well Kaz was the brains behind everything. You had become close with the other members of the Dregs, including Inej who called you a sister. She loved being around you. You gave good advice and that was probably why the rest of the group would flock to you.

So there you all were, your head in Jesper's lap as you read. Kaz had noticed your sudden interest in this, everytime he saw you, you had that book in hand now. Wylan looked over at you.

"Care to join the game?" He asked.

"I'm good." You said, turning the page.

"You've been reading that for two weeks now, come up for air." Inej said.

"I need to know if Alistair lives Inej, the prophecy is strongly implying he will die and I don't think Cousland can handle him dying." You muttered, reading.

"None of that made any sense." Nina said.

"It'll make sense if one of you would at least read it." You said.

"We're all too busy. Kaz keeps giving us stupid b&e's.(breaking and entering)" Jesper said.

"Not all of you are busy though. Wylan?" You said.

"Kaz has been training me for lockpicking." Wylan said.

"He take you to the financial district?" You asked, looking up.

"Once or twice." He shrugged.

"Course he did. Best place to practice." You said before going back to your book.

"Alright, who's in?" Jesper asked.

Inej noticed Kaz at the bar, occasionally looking over at you. "I'm out." She said.

Inej made her way to him and he cleared his throat, turning back to his drink. It looked like scotch but the smell... it wasn't scotch it was tea.

"Didn't you say that tea was just leaves in water that is hot?" Inej asked.

"I hadn't drank the right tea." Kaz said, looking at the glass with vacant eyes. Inej recognized the expression. Kaz was at war with himself, as usual.

He never handled his innermost feelings well, especially the ones that left him vulnerable. And what was more vulnerable than love? You were a plague to his mind, always there. When it wasn't your face that he was smiling internally at, it was your laugh. When it wasn't your laugh it was your smile and so on. He wanted so badly to talk to you like he once did over tea but he didn't think it was a good idea.

You were just so perfect in his eyes. So beautiful, so smart. If he tried to converse, he'd make an ass of himself. He needed an opening something fierce. Something to give him a reason to talk to you instead of "hey, your face is anestheticly pleasing to look at, which I do. Frequently. Without you knowing."

"You're staring at your glass mighty hard there." Inej said. Kaz looked up. "You should just talk to her." She said.

"It's not that easy." He muttered.

"I do it all the time." Inej said with an eyeroll.

"Because you are friends. You know her. I am not that lucky." He said.

"You do know her." Inej said.

"Not like that. I know her from afar. Where it's safe." He said, drinking the glass.

"Kaz, she's right there. Just talk to her." Inej said.

You got up, stretching with a yawn. "I'm heading out " You said to Inej.

"Kaz will go with you!" Inej volunteered.

If looks could kill, Inej would've been six feet under at that moment Kaz glared at her.

"Alright..?" You said confused. Kaz sighed looking at Inej and then you before standing up.

He walked out with you, noticing the dark clouds that hung in the sky. "Looks like it might rain" he said.

"Good reading weather." You said.

"You're usually reading nowadays." Kaz said.

"It's a nice escape from things when they get too intense." You shrugged.

"What is it that you're reading now?" He asked.

If you were a dog, your ears would've perked up. "It's amazing- it's about this girl who joins this legendary army and has to rebuild what was-... Sorry." You cleared your throat.

"Why are you apologizing?" He asked.

"Well apparently everyone thinks I talk too much about this book." You said.

"Who said that?"

"Well Nina." He'd kill her

"And Jesper." He'd shoot him with his own guns

"And Inej." Wait what?

"And pretty much anyone who asks me." You finished.

"Wow." Was all Kaz could muster for words.

You shrugged. "I wish they'd just listen to me and read the damn book." You said.

"Why do you think they haven't?" He asked.

"They're all busy. They have their own lives and I have mine. It's nothing personal, I know. But I just wish sometimes I could talk to someone about it and have them actually know what I'm talking about." You said walking.

Kaz then realized this was it. This was his perfect excuse to get closer. "What's the name of the book?" He asked curiously.

"Rise of the Grey Wardens. Why?" You asked.

"I figured I could read it." He shrugged.

Your eyes lit up and Kaz felt intense joy. He made you happy. He actually made you happy. He didn't mean to but he did and my god were you adorable to him when you were beaming. "Then I know where we should go!" You said walking ahead of him.

Instinctively he followed. "Where are we going?" He asked.

You looked back, a breeze blowing your hair in such a beautiful way as you turned to him. "My favorite place in Ketterdam."

He asked no more questions after that, just following you quietly through backstreets. Kaz watched you approach a side door to a building, knocking on it rhythmically. The door open, an older woman smiling at you.

"Weren't you just here a few days ago?" She asked.

"I brought a friend." You said with a smile, stepping back and motioning for Kaz to introduce himself. Kaz couldn't help but feel a little giddy of your use of 'friend'.

"I'm-"

"I know." She said. She didn't say it with disdain though, which shocked him. "You're the reason we're still open. Come on in Mister Brekker."

He didn't know what that meant but accepted the invitation, walking in. "Do you have another copy of 'Rise of the Grey Wardens'?" You asked.

"I do, why did you burn through your other copy?" She asked.

"Mister Brekker wishes to read." You said with a grin. Kaz's eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room. Bookshelves lined the walls both on the first and second floor of the building. There must've been thousands of books in front of Kaz.

"Here you are mister Brekker." The woman said.

"Thank you er..."

"Miriam." She said with a nod and a kind smile. She gave off the feeling of a doting grandmother with how fond she seemed of you. "Right! Y/n dear, I made some sugar biscuits if you'd like to try them" she said. You seemed to have found your way upstairs when you responded back with a

"Be right down!"

You returned with a new book in hand and Miriam grinned as Kaz took the book. "I see you've found the sequel." She said. You had the biggest grin.

"I had no clue it was a series." You admitted.

"The second one tends to be slow but it is vital for the third." She said, handing you a cookie.

You smiled, taking it. "Thank you. How much do I owe you?" You asked.

"Nothing. It's on the house." She declared.

"Miriam, if you ever wanted to apply for sainthood, I do believe you to be eligible." You said making her laugh.

"Thank the saints you didn't know me in my youth." She teased making you laugh. Kaz couldn't explain it. Usually smalltalk annoyed him but something about this was nice to him. You and Miriam seemed to have a tight bond.

"We should go, it does look like it'll rain." You said, peaking out a window. Kaz nodded but Miriam held her hand up before handing you and Kaz paper bags.

"For the road." She told the both of you. You gave her a kind smile before walking back to the door. "One moment Mister Brekker." She halted. Kaz turned around as Miriam motioned for him to lean forward for them to whisper. "Keep her safe, will you? There's not many a good person in Ketterdam but she's one of them." She said.

Kaz with possibly the sweetest look of adoration he could muster simply said "I will, Miss Miriam." Before he followed you out. The two of you began your trek back to the Slat. "How long have you known Miriam?" Kaz asked.

"Going on ten years now. Saved her cat from a town fire, she's been grateful since." You said, opening the paperbag and pulling a cookie out. Miriam gave you both cookies. Maybe Miriam was just a village grandma.

"Has any of the others met her?" He asked.

You shook your head. "You'd be the first I've shown to the Archive." You said.

"Why me?" Kaz asked as a crack of thunder sounded off.

"Because you asked me about what I read." You said before walking into the Slat.

Kaz winded up spending a good week reading that book. You were right, it was an amazing story. When he finished, he had that same urge that you did to discuss it.

All of the crows were back in the club, this time Kaz and you both playing a round of poker. Jesper hated this. You were way too good at poker and kept winning, hand after hand. You had a nice stack of chips. Inej seeing your smirk as you leaned back in your chair.

"I win again!" You said.

"Why is this so hard?" Wylan asked.

"Because Y/n is way too good at this." Jesper groaned, smacking his head on the table. Nina sighed.

"I need a drink. A very large one." She said.

"I've got my own little army of chips." You said, stacking them.

"You could rebuild the Cousland estate with your winnings." Kaz said, you looking up slightly shocked. "Course, I could always pull a Howe and, y'know. Knock it down." Kaz added.

You looked bewildered as Inej rose a brow.

"Kay, is it just me, or did none of that make sense?" Jesper asked.

"You just made a reference." You said.

"I did." Kaz nodded.

"You finished it."

"I did."

"And!?"

"You were right. The book is fantastic, I could not put it down." Kaz said.

Inej and Jesper exchanged a look.

"Fuck poker. We need to discuss the book NOW!" You said excitedly.

"Yes! Put me out of my misery!" Jesper said.

Kaz looked at him and then you. "Let's have tea." He suggest. Nina's eyes went wide as she realized what was happening before her, her looking at Inej who had a smile on her face.

"I'm grabbing my coat! Let's go!" You said getting up. Kaz followed you as you practically bounced out the door with excitement.

Nina gaped. "How long has he been in love with her!?" She asked as the door closed.

"Oh a while now, like since she got back." Wylan shrugged.

Jesper and Inej looked at Wylan as he moved your chips.

"You knew?" Inej asked.

"It'd take a blind man not to see."

You ended up back at the Slat, sitting cross legged on your sofa. You two must've discussed the book for hours, Kaz loving every moment of it as he heard you passionately talk about the story.

You sighed with a smile. "It's funny, I didn't think you liked me." You said, looking at your empty tea cup.

Kaz rose a brow. "Why did you think that?" He asked.

"You just seemed so... I dunno. Angry that I returned." You said.

"I wasn't."

"But you seemed it."

"I didn't know who you were. I was on my guard" he said. You rose a brow.

"You're not anymore?" You asked. Kaz bared a gentle expression that made your heart almost explode inside your chest.

"I'm not. You're one of the few I trust. The only I'd trust with my entire being." He said. Kaz didn't have faith in a lot of things. But he had faith in you and it showed. He looked at you. "Do you trust me?" He asked.

You gave him a look of pure adoration. "Of course." You said. You had spent your life reading books about the greatest romances of all time. You'd get lost in those stories of how the man always loved the girl but she didn't realize it until a pivotal moment.

"Kaz... you said you trusted me." You breathed. "Please. Please let my intuition be right." You thought to yourself as Kaz gave you a questioning look. "Do you... love me?"

Your question hung in the air for what felt like the longest minute of your life. Kaz definitely seemed caught way off his guard by the question, his eyes widening the second he realized what was happening.

This entire time he has been hoping for an opening to talk to you. A moment to truly get to know you. Well he got one. And he fell in love with every bit of you. He swallowed hard.

"Forget that I asked, I am so sorr-" "I do." He said.

You blinked. "What?"

"I love you." He said. Your jaw must've hit the floor. You knew how guarded this man was. You heard that any semblance of vulnerability was practically impossible from Kaz and yet here he was. Being the most vulnerable he could be with you.

You looked at him before getting up. He thought his words might've done something bad. Maybe you didn't want his love. Maybe he had misinterpreted everything, maybe he was a fool for thinking there was-

You kneeled in front of him. "Kaz, may... Uhm... May I touch you?" You asked. With hesitation he nodded as your hand gently held his cheek. The touch of humans was deeply unsettling to Kaz. That feeling brought him back to a place he never wanted to be in ever again and yet somehow...

Somehow your gentle touch made him feel safe. If it had been anyone else he'd probably be in the process of murdering the fool who touched him. But it was you. You were like an angel on earth to him.

"When I look at you, do you know what I see?" You asked softly.

"No." He muttered.

"I see someone else who's been through hell and came out on the other side." You held his hands, Kaz looking in your eyes. "We've suffered long enough and we deserve to be happy." You said softly.

Kaz had a momentary loss of control. He kissed you, you leaning into his touch. He pulled away with wide eyes. "I am so sorry-" "shut up and kiss me Brekker."

The next day you were at the crow club reading at the bar next to Inej. Jesper yawned. "It's a boring day. Wish Kaz would give us something to do. By this point I'll take a fucking b&e." He whined.

Kaz, as if he were summoned, walked through the doors of the crow club, sitting on your other side. For once, Inej watched you put your book down as you gave a gentle smile to Kaz. "Hello" you said.

The dead give away that something had changed was the fact that Kaz smiled. He actually smiled back at you. "Hello." He said softly.

Inej and Jesper swapped shocked looks. "Y/n, do you mind helping me with this? It's a rifle mod and I wanna make sure I've got the measurements right." Wylan asked. You looked over.

"Alright." You said walking off.

Jesper and Inej looked at Kaz who now had a drink in his hand. "What the hell happened last night!?" Jesper asked.

"Nothing important." Kaz shrugged.

"We just had tea."

[jahayla-parker]

Risk : Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 1.7k wc. Reader is in a no-longer-secret relationship with Kaz, making her a risk to him. Will he accept such a risk?

Warnings: mentions of injuries, infections, near death, capture/kidnapping, and similar SoC topics, Kaz threatening others, protective!Kaz, themes of violence, mentions of war , confessions, mentions of romantic feelings such as love, etc.

Kaz groaned, rubbing his face with his gloved hands. He and y/n had been debating over how to handle this aspect of their relationship. Kaz had tried to keep it a secret to keep y/n safe, but it hadn’t lasted. Which was why he was now stressing out about their next steps.

A few weeks ago, a rival gang member caught wind of Dirtyhands’ relationship with y/n. And as such, decided to take advantage of the one risk Kaz allowed himself to have. They’d tried to use y/n as leverage to blackmail Brekker into giving over a decent amount of Kruge.

While Kaz was surprisingly (even to himself) willing to do so, he knew he could handle it though a different manner. Dirtyhands found the compound where y/n was at and it only took him a matter of a few minutes to get her out of there. Kaz (with the help of his other Crows) was aided in his rescue mission by y/n herself. She’d been able to free herself and find a hiding place inside the rival compound. Due to the injuries she’d suffered when fighting the capture in the first place, y/n couldn’t fully escape on her own. But, she’d done more than enough to help Kaz and the others break in and get her out with ease.

Nevertheless, the incident and subsequent nearly-fatal infection y/n had to fight off, had Kaz stirring restlessly since then. As such, he was proposing telling the Barrel of their relationship and making it clear what would happen if anyone tried to harm y/n or otherwise use her against him. Kaz went so far as to propose they go to war with the Kikkers, the gang responsible for her attack.

Kaz had already obviously handled the men directly responsible for y/n’s capture and injuries. But, he wasn’t satisfied. He’d nearly lost the one thing truly important to him. Declaring war on the Kikkers would not only be a small reparation for the offense, but would also send a sign to the rest of the Barrel to not come near y/n.

“You were so close to dying,” Kaz’s raspy voice said. “I….I was so worried,” he admitted in a hushed volume. It wasn’t easy to confess such things to anyone, but y/n wasn’t understanding why he was so adamant about this. If Kaz was being completely honest, worried was an understatement; terrified, paralyzed, guilt ridden, and enraged would’ve been more synonymous with his feelings.

“I’m sorry,” y/n frowned. “I know you regret it now…” she sighed as she stared at her lap.

Kaz took a step closer, eyes scanning y/n’s body language. “Regret what?” He asked.

“This…, us,” y/n answered. She winced as her voice cracked. Y/n braved a glances up at Kaz as she explained, “you don’t like it when anyone is or becomes a risk to you”. It was something she knew, but it hurt knowing their relationship has been outed and meant she now said risk.

"Do you think I'd drop my walls like this for just anyone?" Kaz asked, narrowing his eyes at y/n. “I admitted I was scared.. for you,” he told her, “I’ve not done that with anyone else”. Kaz shifted his jaw as he broke eye contact, the situation being too overwhelming to maintain that additional level of intimacy. “You’re… we’re… a risk I’m willing to take.”

Y/n was not able to contain her grin. She knew Kaz had just, in his own way, confessed how much he cared for her, how strong his feelings for her were. Y/n bit her bottom lip bashfully as she looked up at him, corners of her lips still curled into a smile.

“But, your safety is not,” Kaz amended. He stood next to y/n, pointing at the notes on his desk. The notes Kaz had drafted to show y/n his plans for the impending war he intended to set forth over what had been done to her.

Y/n sighed. She cautiously set her hand on Kaz’s gloved one, giving plenty of time for him to pull away before they touched. “Kaz,” y/n cooed quietly.

Kaz stared at their touching hands and shook his head. This was the closest he’d gotten. He wanted to be further, to be able to offer more to y/n. And, Kaz had set his mind to doing so as time went on. It was his not only willingness to do so, but actual desire, for said physical contract that demonstrated another example of how much y/n meant to him. “Everyone that I've loved has been taken from me,” Kaz rasped, “I can't let that happen to you”.

Y/n’s eyes widened, her lips parting slightly. “Y-You love me?”

Kaz swallowed thickly, looking away from y/n’s intoxicating eyes. “They say that when a man loves a woman, she becomes his weakness,” he answered.

“Okay…” y/n mumbled, trailing off with confusion.

Kaz took a visibly deep inhale. “I…,” he began, looking y/n again, “you’re my weakness…”. Kaz couldn’t get himself to actually say the words, it even to directly say yes to her saying the words. This was the closest way Kaz could answer the question truthfully without actually answering.

Y/n fought back a wide grin. However, she noticed Kaz’s eyes were searching her for signs if she returned the sentiment. Y/n knew he wouldn’t ever actually ask her. And, she suspected if speaking in such ambiguous language was easier for Kaz, her confessing the same way would make this less intense and overwhelming for him. “You know the other side to that ideology though, don’t you?”

Y/n noticed Kaz elected to wait silently for her to continue. She smiled warmly at him before she explained the second half of the verse. “When a woman truly loves a man, he becomes her strength. This is called the exchange of power,” she recited. When Kaz simply nodded a single time, y/n let her grin widen. “Therefore, I suppose this means there’s been a full exchange of power.”

Kaz was silent. But, the small smile on his normally stoic face said plenty. He admired y/n in silence for a moment before his smile changed into a smirk. “Does that mean you accept the terms of the plan?” Kaz dared to ask.

“That’s not where I was going with that, Kaz,” y/n pointed out.

Kaz nodded. “I know,” he said as he offered y/n another small smile to show her that he’s on same page. But then he went back to smirking. Kaz’s eyes twinkled hopefully as he repeated his question, “but, does it?”

Y/n laughed and rolled her eyes. She silently shook her head lightly. “While you might be my strength,” she began, quoting the ideology referenced earlier. “It just seems drastically violent,” y/n argued.

Kaz stared knowingly at y/n. He knew he didn’t need any words to get his response across.

“Okay, drastically violent for me,” y/n amended with a laugh. “Besides, this plan doesn’t just impact me,” she rebutted, referring to how the Dregs would be brought into a gang war that arguably was not needed.

Kaz shook his head in frustrated disbelief. He lessened the space between himself and y/n, now only a few millimeters away. “Do you think I care about anyone but you?” Kaz asked, his gloved hands tenderly cupping her face.

Y/n quietly gasped at the physical gesture and the sentiment behind Kaz’s words. She smiled appreciatively at him, their eyes steadily focusing on the others’.

Kaz continued to silently gaze into y/n’s eyes for a moment. He kept his gloved hands on her warm cheeks as long as he could. Once he felt the waters starting to rise in his chest, he slowly lowered them back to his sides. But, Kaz kept his eyes on y/n the whole time.

“This life….” Kaz mumbled to y/n as they stood beside one another behind the fragile wooden banister on the second floor. “I confess sometimes I wonder if others are actually worth fighting for,” he admitted quietly as he looked down at the patrons of the Crow Club. “Obviously it’s not my goal in life, but I honestly wonder… does anyone deserve justice?” He sighed loudly. “But then...,” Kaz shook his head before turning to face y/n. “There's this one thing that always comes to mind and suddenly I'm ready for war.”

Y/n glanced over at Kaz in curiosity. “What's that one thing, Kaz?”

Kaz was slightly reluctant to finish his thought aloud, but eventually he found the strength to do so. He gazed back out at the club below them to ease his nerves. “You,” Kaz answered, blindly grabbing y/n’s hand.

Y/n admired Kaz appreciatively. She smiled shyly and delicately squeezed his hand to thank him for his vulnerable candor.

“That’s why I need to do this,” Kaz said. He gazed over at y/n briefly before looking back out at the sea of patrons. “They all need to know that while you might seem like a risk, a way to get to me,” he said, practically growing at even the notion of such. “-even an attempt at doing so will only end in war,” Kaz promised definitively. He gave y/n a sly grin before squeezing her hand.

Kaz loudly clicked his cane against the wooden slats of the second floor as he walked towards the center of the overhang. He knew his actions would get everyone’s attention. Meaning the only thing he now had to do was use the Kikkers an example of what would happen if someone were to not heed his warning against even thinking of harming y/n. Kaz intended for it to be clear within seconds that Dirtyhands, his Crows, and his Dregs, would all reign hell on not just any idiot who dared to do so, but would also bring war to everyone and everything that idiot valued. Y/n might’ve been a risk to Kaz’s impenetrable indifference towards many actions people would try against him, but harming her was a risk Dirtyhands was going to prove to everyone wasn’t worth the guaranteed consequences that would come from doing so.

Taglist: @dil3mma @directioner5life @ell0ra-br3kk3r @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @winstonthecow22 @alex-kazbrekkersimp @wolfmoonmusic @phoenix666stuff @kentucky-criedfricken @twlegit @valeridarkness @shara-ne @crazyhearttragedy @opheliaofficial07 @historynerd77 @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo @el-de-phi @adalia-jaycee

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[justsomecreaturewandering]

I cant wait for the heartbreak to come with her imagining hugging and touching Kaz when he has all those trauma </3 But I still cant wait to see how their reunion will be like. Do tag me if you have a taglist <3

Nine Long Years - Part 1/4

Nikolai Lantsov x Rietveld!reader, Kaz Brekker x sister!Rietveld!reader (platonic)

Part 2

Synopsis: After watching your brothers die, you found yourself working on the Volkvolny. In the many years since then, you somehow became the queen of Ravka while your brother somehow survived firepox and life in the Barrel, rising through its ranks. In disguise during a diplomatic trip with your husband Nikolai, you meet Kaz Brekker for what you think is the first time, only to find out that he is your long-thought-dead little brother.

Author's Notes: Hi Hello Hi! This is my first time publishing my writings so here goes nothing. I wrote this with the books in mind, though you could still imagine the characters from the show. In my head, this story takes place sometime between Crooked Kingdom and King of Scars. I have much more of this story written including more fluffy Nikolai content than the scraps in this chapter so I will post it if y'all want it (I'm talking about there's-only-one-bed content, mutual-pining-in-silence content, Nikolai being a sophisticated dumbass at times content; it's all great I assure you).

Warnings: Minimal Fluff, Much Angst, Jordie and Kaz's (not really tho) deaths in the past, mentions of panic attacks, mentions of firepox and the Hertzoon con, reader oscillating between super excited and absolutely devastated.

Word Count: 2,800

..........

NINTH YEAR

The Crow Club was a new establishment since you had last walked the streets of the Barrel many years ago. You could remember going past the front of the building on your way to the exchange, but you couldn't recall it being anything but vacant. Back then there were no tourists and gamblers crawling about the place like there were now. It was just as empty as the coffee shop where a dreadful man conned you and your brothers.

You tapped your fingers against the table. In your glass of kvas, you could see your false reflection. This voyage aboard the Volkvolny was the first time your face was tailored to appear unlike your own. At first, Tolya did not make the drastic differences that he employed with your husband; he made more subtle differences with you. Shifts in the eyebrows and the cheekbones, the reshaping of your jaw. Nikolai hadn't been convinced that you looked different enough to be safe, though, so the colour of your eyes and hair were changed and your nose was just slightly offset for extra measure.

Nikolai was staring at you now with the green eyes of Sturmhond. His appearance as the privateer did not make you uneasy, not in the way you assumed your altered appearance was making him, and you smiled as he squeezed your knee beneath the table.

You had met him first as Sturmhond, so you were used to the red hair and crooked nose. After many months at sea on an assortment of ships, you got a permanent spot on the crew of the Volkvolny. It was the ship's first time docked in the Ketterdam harbours, and its captain was a young scoundrel, or so your coworkers had said during the first week at sea.

"He looks too young to be captain of a ship. How did he get his money, eh?" A crewmate bristled as you stood on the deck. This man looked as weathered as some of the sails on the boats in the shabby fifth harbour.

"Heard he stole his wealth off a Zemeni gunsmith," another crewmate said.

"Yeah? Well, I heard he was a Ravkan mercenary who did contract killings for their king." The older one turned to you. "What do you think, kid?"

"I think that I don't care where he made his money as long as he pays my wages." You drew your eyes up from your knot. "Besides, you shouldn't believe everything you hear."

"A very wise sentiment, Rietveld," Sturmhond boomed from behind you.

He snuck up without a word, and now your crewmates stood wide-eyed as they stared at their captain. You turned to see him watching the others, a glint of amusement in his eyes.

"You might have heard I made my money in magical deer shit, but that doesn't mean it's true."

Then he peered at you with a smirk, called on the others to get back to work, and walked away.

Nikolai gave you that same look now, his gloved hand secure on your thigh. You knew the raised brow and quirked lips all too well. More often than not, the combination spelled trouble. Yet you supposed trouble wasn’t difficult to find in the Barrel. 

A bouncer approached your table and spoke only briefly, “Brekker will see you now,” before escorting your group across the floor of the gambling den.

Sturmhond entered first with you second and Tamar behind you. Your husband smiled as he looked towards a figure seated behind a desk. He approached diplomats, noblemen, and criminals in the same way, with charm, eloquence, and a warm smile. You held back your amusement at that thought, suppressing a smile of your own as you glanced around the room. The paintings and decor looked expensive, and you had to wonder how much of it was stolen. 

“The guy’s a ruthless thief and con,” Nikolai had said when he got home after meeting Brekker for the first time.

You were stuck in Ravka planning your wedding during his trip; it was a dreadful time, and you guilted Nikolai into explaining every little detail of his little journey across the True Sea.

“You might like him, though. He’s got more honour than the merchant council and the rest of those Barrel bosses combined.”

And now you were here in his office. The figure at the desk got out of his chair, and the movement caught your eye. The cheery expression on Sturmhond had not rubbed off on the man, and he stood with his features as hard as a rock. You examined his face, noted the scars that no doubt came from street fights and brawls in the dead of night, and then you looked at his eyes. There was something about them. The dark brown was something you had seen before, perhaps when you were first here in Ketterdam. You met so many people during that time.

When his stare fell on you your throat felt dry. He had the eyes of a calculating lynx, a predator about to ensnare his prey. You knew he was aware of Sturmhond’s true identity, but you weren’t sure if he would correctly assume your position in Ravka. You had only been the queen for a few months, and bills with your likeness had not yet been printed. Few people outside of Ravka could identify you, and fewer still could when you were tailored to fit your new sea-faring alias.

Still, his eyes made you uneasy. You knew them somehow, you just had to know them; but how?

“Tamar, Vos,” Sturmhond said, springing you from the trappings of Brekker’s eyes, “meet my associate, Kaz Brekker.”

There it was, and it hurt as much as being attacked by a volcra. You had taken blows to the gut that didn’t make you as sick as you felt now.

The pain was twofold. Firstly, when either of your dead brother’s names was mentioned you always felt a bitter pain in the pit of your stomach, an acidic burning that twisted your insides like a poison you would quickly succumb to. Your littlest brother was named Kaz, same as the Kaz before you. Seven years your junior, Kaz was too sweet for the cutthroat world around him. Back at the farm, you used to tuck him under your arm and read him stories so he would fall asleep. He was a bright and enthusiastic boy who always made sure to share his sweets with you, even if Da rarely bought them.

But the pain of hearing Kaz’s name was nothing compared to the crushing realization that this was him standing in front of you, all grown up, and very much alive. 

His birthday was last week, and you celebrated it alone with a moment of silence below deck of the Volkvolny. At that moment you thought to yourself how he would have been eighteen by now, how he could have attended the university and gotten a better education than anyone in your family ever had, how he could have had a full life if he didn’t succumb to the pox.

Yet here he was; eighteen and looking worn beyond his years, his life in the barrel undoubtedly having treated him with the cruelty it kept in vast supply. 

“Vos?” Sturmhond patted your shoulder. “Are you listening?”

You turned your attention to him. “I might have missed what you last said, could you repeat yourself?”

“Perhaps your friend should wait outside if she can’t pay attention,” Kaz suggested with a scowl. Was it really him? You had never seen Kaz make such a face at you.

“No,” you rushed to say. After almost nine years of thinking he was dead, you needed every second you could get with your brother. “It was only a momentary lapse. Please, continue.”

They did, and you tried your hardest to listen. You caught snippets of what they were saying, enough to piece things together if your mind strayed, but you were only giving half of your attention. Your eyes kept wandering off course, studying the boy you thought to be dead.

He stepped up to a map on his wall as he spoke with your husband, and you didn't miss the limp in his step. Was that something he got a long time ago or was it new? Did he sustain it when he was taken by the reaper's barge? And how had he survived? You held him and Jordie as they died, but if Kaz was here before you, was Jordie alive too?

No, you shouldn't get your hopes up. And you shouldn't let your mind race with questions like these. Surely you could approach him, ask him whatever you could think of. But you were frozen as you took in the revelation. There was no way you could approach him with it now--you would be incoherent.

Still, as you sat there you had no other thought in your head besides the boy you'd played parent to after Da died.

It was a miracle that Kaz was standing in front of you, breathing and with the flush of life in his healthy–if a little pale–skin. It was a miracle, and a miracle was more than you thought your family could ever have after all the misfortune you'd suffered. But if there was anyone who deserved a miracle, it was sweet little Kaz.

-

The meeting finished, Kaz dismissed you from his office, and you felt the disappointment sink in. There was no reason for Kaz to recognize you while you were tailored, but you still hoped he would somehow know anyways. He was your brother, and he knew you better than many. Though perhaps, like him, you had changed as well. It had been almost nine years, after all.

Either way, you followed Nikolai back to the Volkvolny, elation in your step, and nervous dread splashing in your stomach. Nikolai was a few paces ahead--busily engaged in conversation with Tolya--while Tamar kept step beside you, seemingly in silent argument with herself every time you glanced at her. As you reached the harbour, she finally spoke up.

"Vos," she started, maintaining your identity despite the absence of witnesses around you. "Your heartbeat has been erratic since you saw Brekker."

You gulped, a move you regrettably realized the heartrender would know of.

"It keeps speeding up like a racehorse then lulling below your usual beats per minute. In the meeting, I kept thinking you might pass out."

"I'm alright, Tamar," you assured her, though you felt your heart speed up a bit as you kept away the truth. "I feel better than I have in a while, actually."

"Is that so?" Her eyes were skeptical.

"It is."

She dropped the topic as you reached the Volkvolny. 

You went right to the captain's cabin, eager to have Nikolai to yourself so you could share the exciting–if not bizarre–news. You wasted no time stripping off your heavy coat and tugging off your boots. Nikolai would take his time as captain of the ship, checking with the crew to make sure everything was in shape before he joined you, so you sat down on the bed, face in your hands as you considered your evening at the Crow Club. 

"He's alive," you grinned into your palms. "My baby brother is alive."

The thought was all you could think of, and even as you heard Nikolai's boots coming down the hall, everything besides Kaz was so distant to you.

"The meeting went rather well, I think," Nikolai said as he shut the door behind him. He came to sit with you. "But you were very quiet all night. Are you alright, my love?"

"Better than alright."

"I'm glad to hear that. It didn't seem like that earlier; you looked like you'd seen a ghost."

You looked at Nikolai. "That's because I did." You played with the most ornate of his rings, bringing his hand to rest between yours. "I’ve told you about my brothers, Nikolai. Do you remember their names?"

"Yes, Jordie and… Kaz." He looked at you, realization dawning in his eyes. "You don't think–"

"I don't think, I know. It’s him, I just know it. He’s my baby brother, Niko." You grinned and flopped back onto the bed. It was firmer than the one in your palace suite, but you’d grown accustomed to the roughness again on this voyage after a few years away from this cabin. "Saints, I need to see him again."

Nikolai glanced away from you, silent for a moment as if in debate with himself. "My love, I don't think that’s a very good idea. I know Brekker, and he’s nothing like the stories you’ve told me of your brother. I think seeing him again--seeing how he’s changed--would only upset you."

You sat up again, staring directly into Nikolai’s eyes.

"What upsets me is that my husband doesn’t think I should reunite with the only family I have left," you scoffed.

"I know you want to see him, I'm just afraid you'll be disappointed."

"I thought he was dead, but now he's alive. There is no way he could disappoint me.” You grabbed your husband's hands, squeezing them gently as you faced your body towards him.  “He's alive, Nikolai."

He sighed. "People can die in many different ways, not only when they stop living."

"You think he's so vicious of a criminal that I would rather he be dead?"

"Well, no, I just…"

"You just what, Nikolai?"

"I don't want you to get hurt." He brushed his thumb over your knuckles. "I know the nightmares you used to get about your brothers, I know how helpless they made you feel. I’d hate for you to feel that way ever again.”

Your stare fell to his most gaudy ring. It sat in place of his usual wedding ring, which was safely tucked on a chain beneath his shirt just as your wedding ring rested on a chain beneath yours.

He wasn’t wrong about your nightmares. He’d seen you on your worst nights, held you close as you sobbed into his chest. He watched you in the depths of agony, your lungs on fire and your stomach knotted so tightly you probably wouldn’t feel a bullet tearing into your flesh. And although the nightmares weren’t as frequent or debilitating as they once were, you sometimes still woke up crying from a dream of two boys that deserved more from their short lives.

But there was nothing that would make you want to abandon Kaz again. This meeting was a chance to redeem yourself. You could make amends for not protecting Kaz or Jordie as you should have. You could hold Kaz and never part with him unlike when you let the bargemen roll your brothers’ bodies away. This was a second chance you wouldn’t give up.

“Nikolai,” you began, sturdy in your words, “I know you’re concerned for me, and I understand why, but this is something I have to do. I can’t walk away from this trip without as much as a word to my brother when I’ve thought him dead all this time. Even if it turns out that he isn't what I remember, at least I’ll get to speak with him again, to tell him I love him and that I’m sorry I couldn’t protect him.”

“The firepox wasn’t your fault,” he murmured. Nikolai often repeated this to you whenever you felt guilty or woke up trembling in the night.

“I know.” You rested your head against his shoulder. “I know, but I was still supposed to be the big sister; I was still supposed to keep them safe.” Peering up at him, you said, “I just hope he can forgive me.”

“Why would he need to forgive you?”

“Because I left him for dead in a place crawling with liars and cheats. Saints know what he went through without anyone around to care about him.”

You said this as though the saints deigned to look after anyone in the barrel. No higher power was seeing Kaz through his years here, you were sure of that.

“We can go to him again tomorrow,” Nikolai said. “But for now, we should rest.”

There was no way of knowing how Kaz would react when he learned who you were, but you stayed optimistic as you readied for bed. You imagined hugging him, holding him in your arms again for the first time in so many years. You’d exchange stories of your lives without each other. Perhaps he would be amused that you had somehow gone from a farmer’s daughter to a pirate to the queen of Ravka in your time apart; saints knew you were still a bit bewildered by it all.

You tossed and turned quite a bit, and you knew you were keeping Nikolai awake too, but you couldn’t help your excited mind. Eventually, you sidled up to your husband–who was ready to wrap his arms around you in an attempt to keep you still–put your head on his chest, and listened to the familiar pumping of his heartbeat.

Tomorrow could not come soon enough.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to like, reblog, and comment if you want to read more! Otherwise, I hope you have a great day/night :)

Part 2

[euphoniumpets]

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

Here’s everything that involves SHADOW AND BONE. this will be updated regularly. * = means this contains smut in it, this is an 18+ blog so no minors are welcomed.

Nikolai Lantsov:

All of the girls you loved before

Can't keep my hands to myself*

I'm not so perfect like you

I'll always look for you

Shamelessly flirting

Against the wall*

People you know

Little prince

The second choice

Second in command

Climbing over the wall

Aleksander Morozova:

Stubborn love

Hurt

I can't help but falling in love with you slowly

Tolya Yul Baatar:

The princess who never was

He's such a flirt and a annoying heartrender

Storming Weather*

Triplets

Kaz Brekker:

Always noticed you

[cryptfile]

ᝰ FANDOMS I’M CURRENTLY WRITTING FOR:

those marked in colored letters are the ones i’m currently simping on. Feel free to send promps, requests of characters or anything honestly. Always nice to recieve a message! / This list will be updated regularly so you guys can know what i’m into, also, if I forgot someone.

THE BOYS

Billy Butcher, Soldier Boy, Victoria Neuman, Starlight/Annie January, The Deep, A-Train, Frenchie, Sister Sage, Queen Maeve, Firecracker, Homelander, Hughie Campbell, Kimiko.

GEN V

Cate Dunlap, Jordan Li, Sam and Luke Riordan, Marie Moreau, Emma Myers.

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON

Rhaenyra Targaryen, Daemon Targaryen, Alicent Hightower, Jacaerys Velaryon, Aemond Targaryen, Aegon Targaryen, Harwin Strong, Criston Cole.

MARVEL

Loki Laufeyson, Sylvie Laufeydottir, Moonknight x3, Hawkeye/Comic!Clint Barton [recasted as Oliver Jackson-Cohen], Yelena Belova, Kate Bishop, Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff, Steve Rogers, Matt Murdock/Daredevil, Deadpool, Peter Parker/Spider-Man’s in general, X-Men’s in general, Thor Odinson, Carol Danvers, Tony Stark, Doctor Strange, Bucky Barnes, Fantastic Four, Adam Warlock, Ant Man, Druig, Natasha Romanoff, and more since there are too many characters, feel free to ask!

HARRY POTTER

Remus Lupin [marauders era, post I war, nothing weird], Sirius and Regulus Black [marauders!era], James Potter [usually recasted as Dev Patel], Draco Malfoy, Theodore Nott.

BRIDGERTON

Eloise Bridgerton, Anthony Bridgerton, Benedict Bridgerton, Colin Bridgerton, Francesca Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton, Simon Basset, King George.

THE BEAR

Carmy Berzatto, Sydney Adamu, Richie Jerimovich, Luca.

TWILIGHT

Carlisle Cullen, Charlie Swan, Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, Alice Cullen, Rosalie Hale, Emmett Cullen, Jasper Hale, Leah Clearwater, Alec and Jane Vulturi, Benjamin.

YELLOWJACKETS

Natalie Scatorccio, Jackie Taylor, Shauna Sadecki, Van Palmer, Lottie Matthews, Taissa Turner, Misty Quigley.

GRISHAVERSE

Nikolai Lantsov, Kaz Brekker, Alina Starkov, Matthias Helvar, Aleksander Morozova / The Darkling, Nina Zenik, Inej Ghafa, Malyen Oretsev, Zoya Nazyalenski.

DAISY JONES AND THE SIX

Daisy Jones, Karen Sirko, Billy Dunne, Warren Rhodes, Eddie Roundtree.

THE HUNGER GAMES

Peeta Mellark, Finnick Odair, Young!Haymitch Abernathy, Katniss Everdeen, Johanna Mason.

STAR WARS

Anakin Skywalker, Qimir / The Stranger, Kylo Ren [yes, I have a type], Shin Hati, Han Solo.

MISC

Rafe Cameron [OBX], James Beaufort [Maxton Hall], Drew Starkey, Dean and Sam Winchester [Supernatural], Aaron Taylor Johnson in most of his roles aka Kick-Ass or Bullet Train, Robin Buckley [Stranger Things], Steve Harrington [Stranger Things], Rick Flag [DC], Harley Queen [DC], Battinson [DC], Art Donaldson, Mike Faist, Nicholas Chavez.

[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

Enchanted

pairing: kaz brekker x fem!reader

genre: fluff

el's thoughts: the first fic from the speak now event! requested by @wonderland2425 i hope you enjoy it! y/n is nikolai's sister in this story, but no physical traits are described

“Princess!”

Y/N turned around to see some old family… friends, as her mother would call them. 

“Oh my! How grown you’ve become.” The older man smiled and reached for her hand as his wife stood beside him with a tired smile. 

“Yes,” she chuckled. “It has been a few years since I’ve been to a gathering like this. And I have to say, what a momentous occasion it is.” She looked down the hall desperately searching for someone to use as an escape. She saw two palace guards talking to each other and smiled. “I’ll have to excuse myself. I think my escorts are here.” She dipped her head into a bow of respect.

Placing her hands on the top layer of her deep purple dress, she walked away from the couple. She adjusted the off-the-shoulder neckline, her fingers running over the rhinestones around her shoulders. Once she was close enough she heard the female guard clear her throat as they both turned to face her. 

“Your Highness.”

Y/N smiled kindly at the bronze-skinned girl and turned to the taller man beside her. “Will you escort me to the main hall, please? I don’t think I can stand another conversation with these people.” She chuckled to fill the moment of silence before he nodded and walked beside her. 

She felt a bit uneasy as she let him lead the way. She made an effort to know every guard from her home yet these two had managed to slip past her notice. “Are you new?”

“Why would you ask that?” His voice was rough like rock salt as if he was getting over a sore throat.

“It’s just that, I typically know all of our staff back at the castle… I didn’t mean any offense.” 

The guard nodded stiffly and turned the corner, walking into the main hall. He stood still, waiting for her to walk to the rest of the royal family but she continued to stay beside him. 

Y/N felt his confusion and said, “I don’t feel like going in yet… Do you mind me waiting here?”

He looked down at her, his mind racing as if trying to solve a puzzle. “You’re the Princess, you shouldn’t be asking.”

“Well, I know, but you also have a job and you have orders from someone in a higher position. If you need to be somewhere else then you can leave.” Y/N smiled kindly. 

It was as if her smile never left her face and her thoughtfulness was what she expected people to receive from her. 

The hall fell into a hushed mummer as Alina walked into the room. General Kirigan led her to the stage and introduced her. He pulled the shadows of the room tighter and stepped back to let Alina take center stage. She clasped her hands together and pulled them apart, a ball of light floating between them. She brought the light to one hand and separated it into two orbs. She continued to push them towards the center of the room so the light reflected off the chandelier. 

The people in the hall gasped and were awed at the miracle before them. Alina made the light fade and everyone slowly fell to their knees before her. Y/N placed a hand over her heart and bowed her head in prayer to the Saints, but she didn’t get on her knees. She was still the princess and she was told ‘bow to no one’. 

Kaz cleared his throat and forced his eyes back on Alina as she made her way to the back of the room. ‘The mission,’ he reminded himself, internally scolding himself for staring at the princess during the light show. Scolding himself for noticing the way the light reflected in her eyes and the jewels on her dress and around her neck. ‘The mission.’

Y/N looked up at him and saw a distant yet determined look in his eyes. “You must have other things to do.” She stepped forward and turned to face him. “I’ll let you get back to your work, but I extend my gratitude to you for waiting with me.” She spun on her heel and pulled her shoulders back as she walked forward to her mother’s side. She froze in her steps and turned back towards him. “I didn’t ask for your name,” she said once she stood in front of him again. 

Kaz’s mind screamed at him not to tell her but he found himself at peace in her presence. “Kaz.” The flash of recognition in her eyes didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Kaz,” she smiled. “That’s a nice name. I’ll make sure to keep an eye open for you back at the palace.”

The Bastard of the Barrel stood there in a royal guard’s uniform watching the princess walk away from him. 

~

Kaz and Inej walked towards where Jesper stood, leaning against the stone statue. 

“What happened, are you okay?” Jesper asked as he looked over Inej.

“She’s real, Jesper. She made the light sing.”

Kaz glared between the two. “We lost her.”

“Did we?” Jesper smirked.

“We don’t know where she is,” said Kaz.

“Don’t we?” The Zemini laughed, “Just ask.”

“Jesper…” Kaz’s tone was a warning.

“Just ask.”

The three crows climbed onto the carriage, Jesper taking the reins with Kaz beside him while Inej stood behind the pair.

“Just ask,” said Jesper again.

“Fine. Do we have a fix on where to target it?” asked Kaz.

Jesper smiled and shook his head, getting the horses into a trot.  

Kaz sat silently beside Jesper staring blankly ahead. His mind went back to his encounter with the princess in between thinking of the sun summoner. He didn’t believe in love at first sight and he knew he never would, but his curiosity was piqued, to say the least. He wanted to know more about her and figure out why she was the way she was. Why she was so kind to a stranger in a familiar uniform? 

“What are you thinking about?” Inej asked over his shoulder. 

“Nothing.”

“C’mon, you can tell us,” chimed Jesper.

“I said nothing.” 

The two crows knew better than to push him farther but also knew better than to believe it was nothing. 

Inej had seen Kaz stare at the princess during and after the light show. She knew the princess confused him and he wanted to solve the puzzle. And she knew he’d put it aside till this job was done.

~

“Nikolai!” 

“Y/N!” 

The younger sibling wrapped her arms around her brother in a warm greeting. “I’ve missed you.”

“Just as I’ve missed you. How have you been?” The pair moved to sit down on the couch of Nikolai’s waiting room.

“I’ve been great. You’ll never believe who I met today.”

The prince laughed, “Who?”

“That Kaz Brekker of yours.” Y/N smiled widely at her brother’s disbelief. “Yes, I did. And for him being a gang leader, he had himself a very good set of manners. Though he didn’t talk much but I don’t blame him for that.”

Nikolai watched his sister with a knowing smile. He noticed the twinkle in her eye as she spoke about her latest encounter. “Was he handsome?”

“Oh, very handsome.” Y/N’s eyes widened as soon as the words slipped from her lips and gasped before covering her mouth with her hand. 

The older of the two laughed, “I had a feeling. Just asking.” 

“You had no right, Nik.”

“I had every right. You're my sister and I’m his employer… He just doesn’t know it yet.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Yes yes, I know. I’m going to bed now. Good night.” Nikolai smiled and wished her good night. 

Once she reached her room she twirled around in her nightgown, smiling giddily to herself. She had never experienced a crush before and this new feeling fluttered through her chest excitedly. The unknown of it all was addicting and she loved it. Would she see him again? Is he still awake thinking of her just as she’s thinking of him? Did he have another girl back home waiting for him?

“Please don’t have somebody waiting on you.” She spoke aloud as if the Saints above will carry her message to him. Throwing herself back into her bed, she pulled the covers around her body. Her eyes grew heavy and a yawn slipped past her lips. She switched her light off and smiled into her pillow as her thoughts echoed his name. “I was enchanted to meet you.”