#but i cant convince people to like something if they just dont like it im just saying all this for MY comfort so i feel less insane LVKJAEL
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i have no idea where the compulsion to giver her a pokemon came from ??? but her and her minccino gotta go make sure her husband stays safe.
#my characters#pkmn#honestly very shocked she got so many notes yesterday and yes she has a white cat#why did i feel the need to give her a pokemon ?? idk!#but also fun fact i cant recall if i mentioned in tags yet#is she really does just worry about how nice her husband is bc while hes recovering#she has to say mmmm maybe we DONT call an electrician over while im at work and cant be here for you#and hes like well why not ?? do you think the electrician is going to kidnap me????#and shes like not really but you ARE really gullible and suffering a head injury where you space out at times and i dont want#to leave you here with a stranger ok#and the husband is just like you know what thats actually so valid i am really gullible i might be tricked into something#and just accepts it ! hes like YEAH ! i AM easy to convince of things! my wife is so cool and smart and looking out for us#but its also why he realizes while hes at home recovering there are ONLINE COURSES he can take#and so he starts to look online and figures out how to fix the flickering himself and gets a couple online courses under his belt#and he uses his engineering and construction knowledge to help him figure out how to build death contraptions#and so his wife is like sweetheart why dont you try to do something with that as a job? you have the ability#and hes like yeah but what do i put on a resume?#i used free online lectures to fix lights in my bathroom and build really cool ways to die? trust me? ive died a lot?#and shes just yeah ok fair that is a bit hard to convince people you know what youre doing when you do it to die#loving wife loves her loving husband and together they go die a lot now ft a cute lil pokeman
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..

#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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something something theres an essay to be written about how the fact neither falin/marcille or laios/marcille are confirmed but both could easily be the way it goes is probably intentionally so the themes of family dont get lost but unfortunately the yuri community is just as bad at understanding that theme 😔
#like the important thing is that the three of them are so intensely important to each other and i think not confirming but giving leanings#towards the possibi. im being so genuine right now ive forgotten my entire train of thought and cant bring it back#MY CONCUSSION.#like something something at least laimars dont seem convinced that its like Actually the only main takeaway you should have#idk its very frustrating seeing the important of laios to both of them get written out of analysis posts because people are like#scrambling to make farcille realer than laimar when both earnestly have perfectly balanced points going towards each#and dont get me wrong IM a yuri warrior but im just perpetually disappointed by dunmeshi fans analysis of the series from all angles#lemon squeezy.txt
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how do y'all motivate yourself to do anything?? I'm amazed I can even remember to eat once a day, go to work most days, but this shit is ridiculous, man
#meanwhile i cant get my damn imagination to work either so all my shitty ass drawings take forever to make now#and then i cant imagine being alive another few years at this point#i have to move out bc i can barely afford this place and its already insanely cheap compared to the city#but im moving to my aunt's bc she has literally 9 different kinds of cancer and wasnt supposed to live thru Christmas and is now declining#so Someone needs to be there bc its likely her spine will go first before everything else#but when she dies i cant exactly pay her mortgage so then im just out AGAIN and I'll probably have to go live middle of nowhere again#which isnt gonna help anything if things only continue to get worse for queer people and the economy#like going back to college wont do anything for me#switching jobs wont do anything either at this point#i dont have the energy to do something different anyway#ughhhh#im just stuck cant do anything to improve anything for myself or anyone else#im constantly terrified something is gonna happen to my nephew or my mom and then my only supports will be gone#and i just wont have any way to convince myself not to just off myself instantly#im amazed how much ive been holding off the powerdrill hours feeling lately#its like CONSTANT#no matter what im doing#even being able to hang out with my nephew? not good enough for this stupid brain apparently#ughhh#i hate it#orbs thought bubbles
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I wasn't prepared for how wanting a hug from a friend that's thousands of miles away would feel like a stab in the chest. They don't tell you that shit hurts and you can't do anything about it
#light vent#personal rant#vent except its mostly in the tags#vent#dare i say i wanna feel *safe*. dare i say i wanna be *warm*#who else out here yearning to be loved like you're truly worth something#there was a time when I was little that i wouldnt fall asleep unless i was bein held. cant go back to that without rlly having someone there#they don't tell you how isolating it is to only be able to hold friendships online. I think there's just something wrong with me#I dont get to feel warm and loved and safe irl. i cant remember the last time i did#i should be able to walk into my friends rooms and annoy them bc we know no ones really angry. BUT NO. other side of the country or canadian#i should be able to show them reels in a silent room where we laugh every so often but it's quiet otherwise#I should be able to give them random rocks I find but no#and i hate knowing im one of the only people who cant seem to hold a friendship irl. i wanna know whats wrong with me so ppl dont leave irl#what is so wrong with me that i cant love correctly? why cant i say i love you back? why does my chest tighten and i get scared? why why#its not fair?? theres gotta be something wrong with me for ppl to not like me irl i text first im nice i engage in their interests i help em#what am i missing?? we hang out for so long then BOOM ghosted. they were so cool and fun but no matter how many times i did anythin. NOTHING#i cant even say it's because i didnt get a cue or anything because they were autistic/adhd/disabled too. i didnt do anything mean did i?#i feel like im missing something that makes people human or something because i never know what i did and no one ever says i did anything#am i doing something wrong? do i like things wrong? do i love wrong? do i laugh wrong or smile wrong or talk wrong I DONT UNDERSTAND#the only place i feel safe and loved is with my friends online. they're *safe*. I'm not scared to laugh or talk. I feel at home with em#i havent felt at home in a while. they're all *home* to me. im glad y'all convinced me to make a server.
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people dont even want to meet him anymore, like it's sooo boring 🥱 they just want to get that video or picture to go online and say "I MET HIM!! LOOK!!" and then these people "hit" on twitter or tiktok one day for a couple hours until another picture comes up and everyone moves on. and in a month, everyone already forgot about them. and not only they lost all the attention, but they also missed a great opportunity to be nice&respectful to him and have a great memory of a real moment talking to him or just getting to know him at least for one minute or two. i mean you do you, of course, but im just so NOT entertained by this lol
#like im so bored lmao#yeah he looks great but that video of her walking in front of him and terribly trying to record him without him noticing is awful#like i dont wanna see that. idk if you're gonna give me content then give me something interesting 😂#bc to watch him/see him this way its just not worth it. poor guy srsly#if he's living his 30s like i am he's probably sooo annoyed at these people 😂#he loves his fans.. sure... but you cant convince me he actually enjoys or doesnt care when people do this to him#and i mean it shows on his face for a while now it's not even a secret lol#but anyway#if it were me i wouldn't release any music just to annoy them 😂#i love him and i cant wait for him to come back but im more than happy to just wait for him to show up#and consume only the content he wants me to consume#and come back here just to rant and be annoying when im waiting for something before i go to bed#like i usually do ✌️
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i lied actually i cant sleep. even though i have been awake for like almost 20 hours. cool
#i might be too anxious ii keep being so annoyiing all the time but i cant stop. and i want to but its always a cycle#i keep getting scared and feeling like i gotta be mean to myself but then im too mean to myself#and when i realize that ii just get really anxious that i was being annoying and everyone just hates me for that now instead#but i cant ever get past the fear ii feel that compels me to self deprecate all the time#if i say something that i think was stupid its all i can think about and i cant get out of my head about it#and my brain just keeps convincing me of different ways people could hate me for it until i cave and say mean shit before someone else can#but nobody was actually going to say any of that and im just making another annoying fucking depressing post again#i really want to stop. theres only so much longer i can keep doing this before everyone gets tired of responding with nice things#i keep trying to stop before i make everyone sick of me but its not working and i dont know why#i feel like the clock is ticking but im just standing here and suffocating myself. and its not doing anything. but i cant make myself stop#awoo
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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.
I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.
Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.
I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.
#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT#thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because#this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message#so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment#because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit#and because it was right before work i had to pack that away#because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me#but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself#that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life#im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything#'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works#what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman#i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care#at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems#and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female#god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously#would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont#being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill#the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications#theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks#dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it
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Hiiii it's me again the nanba hater!
Adding to a conversation that's been over for like a day.
I liked the combat in y3 not because it was good but it was the only game where i used the grabbing mechanics. I also shot everything with guns witch helped.
The dragon engine games where much much worse. Y6 was pretty bad but i played yk2 before it so i was kinda used to it.
Yk2 was pretty bad too, it's a bit less buggy than y6 but I remember gliding and flying around alot especially in that first fight with ryuji.
Yk2 feels worse because i played yk1 before it and yk1 is easily one of the best battle wise.
Like a dragon is easily the worst, it's way to time consuming and it makes me very dizzy.
All of the dragon engine games generally feel slow and like kiryu or the party don't respond quickly enough and when they do they have very long animations. Y3 also feelt very slow but I like it because it matches the shitty graphics and I'm biased toward old crunchy games.
Doing pretty well in like a dragon! I have everyone at tier 5 bond except Nanba and Eri. I only have less than a week to finish the game before i go on holiday for 3 weeks wish me luck 😭😭
'nanba hater' is such a funny title but i cant argue with the 'hater' part ☠️☠️☠️
i agree with the dragon engine games though: the physics are really funny, but at times they really dont feel right or feel too floaty. the ps3 era games do feel the most grounded next to the unreal engine games imo
best of luck at finishing the game on time !
#snap chats#every time you guys come in here telling me you hate Y7's play style i scream but i also know i cant be mad#i just have to assume/cope with the idea not a lot of people play rpgs or just arent used to the style change#because- and ill be blue in the face before i stop saying this- y7 is one of the easiest rpgs ive ever played#sin the jimas fight it isnt super demanding grind or strategy wise#but i cant convince people to like something if they just dont like it im just saying all this for MY comfort so i feel less insane LVKJAEL#because compared to like. P4 where i remember doing SO much grinding for various levels.... y7 is a blessing#i love p4 i've loved it for years and i'll never stop loving it but bruh that game can get dummy long#in any case you dont really have to raise eri's bond levels but Of Course it helps. and also she's just lovely as a chara and i adore her#which is weird to say since She Is 1000% Based On A Real Person just beyond being mocapped#with nanba i mean.. if you dont like him you really can skip him. he's a pretty lame party member by the time he comes back#but if you do want to figure out the rest of his social link then of course that's a fine reason to wanna conclude him
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Parents are so funny, they're like "If you need to talk to us about anything, you always can" and then they're the thing you need to talk about 100% of the time.
#been ignoring my family completely for the past 3 weeks because im getting screened for DID/OSDD-1. ive been getting screened since February#yeah it will take another month; they said#our healthcare is just slow#and its like...yes it fills me with dread. it fills me with dread that they might say that its just fnd and adhd and my memory loss is just#me convincing myself that i have memory loss. im afraid that they dont believe me because i seem too lucid. too calm. they always say im to#calm. when my joints are dislocated im too calm. i dont seem in pain at all. when my heart is having an episode again im too lucid#nobody ever believes me until the results come back bad. until the see the dislocation. i try not to be a burden. im sorry that that makes#me out to look like a liar. im afraid it will be like that again. theyll say youre too lucid. too calm. you say that it distresses you#but you dont seem distressed. you dont cry and ask people for help. i dont. i dont want to be a burden. if i cant solve something#myself ill just die. asking for help is dangerou. imperfect. it makes you a burden. its vulnerable. its incompetent#im scared theyll tell me im an overreacting confused little girl. theyll say i dont know who i am. theyll say i need to accept#that its just me. that its all just me and that i CAN control it and that i convinced myself otherwise to shift the blame#i dread that theyll say the opposite too. i dread that theyll say that i have something. what will i say to my famiy? how will i ever look#them in the eyes? theres something damning about having it on paper. theres something damning about knowing#that you family damaged you beyond repair. because if the doctors say that im stupid. that im making it up.#then it wasnt actually that bad. that im just overreacting. then i can look my family in the eyes.#if the therapist looks me in the eyes and says that my experience wasnt bad enough to be SA then i can pretend it wasnt#then i can go on thinking that my family was in the right. i can go on thinking that im a burden. that its my fault.#but if any therapist ever acknowledges that it was SA then...what will i do? others have it worse than me. im not supposed to have it bad.
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can we talk about what seems to be a concerted effort by a lot of leftists in my life, conscious or not, to prevent me from having love, literally the only thing I want and need and have wanted and needed ever since I was a child, literally the only thing that would "fix" me in a way to actually be helpful to society and how im apparently not supposed to think ppl doing this are just fucking evil
#how ik yall are trying to manufacture me 'leaving the left' so you can pretend i was never a leftist#welp it might work bc yall are fucking insane idefk.#if this is the type of shit you do that you think is meaningful work then ig i was mistaken that the left is actually good and effective at#literally anything#anyways if you just fucking let me have the love i need that would literally help me FUCKING HEAL IN EVERY AREA IN MY LIFE#ID ACTUALLY BE MORE OF A PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY#BUT YALL KNOW THAT. AND THATS WHY YOU SABOTAGE IT. BC YOU JUST SIMPLY *CANT* HAVE ME LIVE UP TO BEING EVERYTHING#I SAY I AM. YOU SIMPLY *CANT* HAVE ME PARTICIPATE IN POLITICAL SHIT WHERE YOU ARE OR YOU'LL DIE OR SOMETHING#SABOTAGING LITERALLY ANY EFFORT I MAKE TO BE A LEFTIST OR AN ADVOCATE ***JUST*** SO YOU CAN PAINT ME A CERTAIN#WAY#LITERALLY FUCK OFF AND EAT SHIT YOU DONT CARE ABOUT LITERALLY FUCKING SHIT BESIDES MAINTAINING A CLIQUE#NEVER PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT POLITICS LET ALONE PEOPLE EVER TF AGAIN.#NO WONDER THE RIGHT IS BETTER AT COALITION BUILDING THEY'RE JUST TAKING IN ALL THE PPL WHO WERE TOO IMPERFECT#FOR YOUR OH SO PRISTINE POLITICAL CLIQUE. FUCK OFF.#anyways now i literally have 'dni if you're far left or right' in any dating bio i have bc im not playing games anymore sorry.#i dont have the time nor fucks and i dont wanna deal with yall weird crazy obsessive strategic fucks who dont understand socializing#in an effective way whatsoever#i refuse to date people who are dumb enough to be swayed by progressive words to hate me.#if you can doubt everything about me based on what one person said then leave now bc you're wasting both of our times#unfaithful disloyal fuck. dont pretend to care about commitment. dont pretend to care about sticking together through#all odds. just stfu. you're the most loyal to whoever pets your belly in any given moment. you dont stand by shit#literally spineless as fuck.#i wish i was making this up but seems like every time i try to get in a relationship suddenly some far left loon spawns from nowhere to#try to sabotage it and convince that person im Evil or something. im so over it. ik yall are doing this on purpose dont lie.#makes me think i shouldnt date leftists. so libs it is ig.#you're doing it on purpose and im NOT supposed to think you're evil? literally doing everything in your power to prevent my#inner child from healing so i end up 'worse'??? literally how is that useful besides using me as a pawn in some narrative? kys.
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#thinking about a lot of stuff rn but mostly how I'm well aware a lot of people in my life don't actually like me being around#and i don't know why i don't know what's wrong with me that makes this the case#i got a couple people who i think do actually care about me and enjoy my presence and enjoy being my friend#but theres so many more that id convonced myself were my friends and i can tell theyre all tired of me but dont wanna be the first to say it#and i dont understand i dont understand i dont unterstand i dont understandit at all#for a minute there id convinced myself it was some mental illness shit and that i had a handle on why this was the case and i could work#theough that i could deal wih that but its gotta be something else its gotta be somethinga actually legitimately wrong with me and i dont#know what it is. i just wish i knew what it was i just wanna know why#i dont want folks to pity me or pretend they wanna be my friends cos they think other folks want me around i cant tell that youre being fake#i dont wanna be making folks feel like they have to put up with me#what did i do? what am i doing? why?#i feel like im a kid again and everyone hates me and i cant figure out whay im doing wrongi dont know why im not able to just be a person#i hope this will pass by morning#i have to hope that even if i know it wont
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man it sucks so many people on here have absolutely convinced themselves that entire categories of consumer goods like perfume are bougie. you are depriving yourself of little treats by just assuming you cant ever afford anything! this isnt an avocado toast post either im not saying 'just save up and buy it lol', i would never say that, what im saying is perfume (that is: scents in liquid, paste, oil or solid form intended to be worn as a personal adornment) as a commodity starts at "free" and gradually increases in price from there. my favorite perfumes are priced everywhere between $0 and $300. one of the most lauded amber scents in the world (regrettably JUST discontinued), "Amber Paste" by Kuumba Made, is one of those little hippie oils you get at Whole Foods and it cost $10.
and im not telling you to wear perfume, obviously people have allergies and shit, or just dont care for it, im talking to the people who WANT to own fragrances. im saying they aren't all going to cost $150.
you can also get unlimited (unlimited over a long enough timeline, they limit you to a couple or three per visit) free samples at a lot of sephoras and nordstroms if you live somewhere that has those stores (this depends on the location and a lot of other organic factors, you'll have to check ahead of time or just try it if you're nearby, it's sort of random). if you're actually buying something at sephora (and they have a lot of stuff that isn't a million dollars as well, despite their branding) ask for every free sample at checkout that they have. they will often load you up, and not just with perfume. secondhand outlets like Value Village and Goodwill also do huge business in perfume because people are ALWAYS donating it.
sephora also does perfume refills. if you actually do buy a full size bottle, they can refill it for much less than buying a whole new bottle of the stuff. i don't know exactly how much it costs because i havent used this service myself. and idk how careful yiou have to be about reeceipts either, but look into it if you bought a full size and its running out
idk it just bums me out there are all these people who actually want perfume and seem to think it's out of their price range. the really basement-tier dupes of popular brand scents are so good these days it's often worth dropping the $10 at Walmart or Rite Aid too.
some of my favorite ever perfumes were some weird crap i got in a crystal wizard store, or a drug store, or a goodwill, or whatever. if you want perfume you can get it
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i'll write thousands of words in one post on a single aspect of aru sekai and do that relatively frequently & will still be surprised when people say they know me as the aru sekai person.
#what growing up ignored will do to a mother fucker. no matter how loud u are ur convinced no one hears u#anyway if im not constantly thinking of aru sekai who i am. its been almost 4 years of this. im in this for the long run#i still want to change my layout to the yamete kudasai chara but everytime i think that i end up having another rime moment#& i cant get rid of her. all according to her keikaku.#but i do love aru sekai series i would love to read other peoples theories. unfortunately half the theories i DO see#(in yt comments mostly bc its just no where else) no one has any reading comprehension so its like. half correct & a direct#reading of the text#some people absolutely are onto things tho. esp the person who pointed out the person vs thing aspect#before it was fully disclosed in songs#although i guess even now thats not immediately graspable if u dont know what ur looking for#its not even that aru sekai is super broad and cryptic#its that its so concise & as brief as possible about it that it ends up incomprehensible at first#but u get the slightest explanation and suddenly a lot of things make sense#& u sit there like oh shit they meant that LITERALLY not metaphorically#a story about the convergence of natural & man made disasters causing the worlds end can be something so special actually
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Like you guys know these are characters right? You know they aren't real, right?
#i promise you#you cant convince the chatacters to do what you want#they arent real#also stop getting mad when shit doesnt work out the way you want#again#its not real#turn off the tv#just stop watching#itll help you in the long run if you are this upset over a ship being canon or not#i seriously think some of you guys need either hobbies or actual help from doctors#because its just sad at this point#i dont wanna have to block a ton of people#but jesus christ yall make it hard with this constant fighting nack and forth#abojt whose better#theres no reason yall should be out here calling some people fetishers or shit becUse they ship something#im not gonna say name#but yall know who you are#and if you think “oh no i dont do that#thats the other side!“#you might not be much better tbh#anyone with a 'side' in this is a bit scary to me#why do you care so much#like i get a hyperfixation and shit i really do#but at some point you need to put thr phone down
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