#but i cannot be fucked to post on pc right now

[systems-overloaded]

ill make a seperate post with the non-professional advice i give anyone with mental illness (active or history of) that is seeing a physical medical doctor. because this post ended up pretty long.

~

this is about some of our experiences of mental health issue affecting physical health care. as well as our physical health conditions affecting/interacting with our mental health conditions.

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forewarning, it is a very long read. i tried to condense it, but i struggle to do that.

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ooph, this shit is so true. although i do think there's a good amount of truth in neurosciences, i just think there are alot of /neurologists/ specifically that are shams, or at least extremely biased and prejudiced about alot of things. neurologists also seem to have the biggest ego of all specialists drs ive seen.

~

i have a couple genetic disorders, which like i have the clinical profiles for and also have genetic tests that match. but only after alot of years of progressively getting worse and going to so many doctors to try to find out why. i actually had to do a bunch of research when i could, even analysed my raw dna data from an ancestry test, found a specialist in the suspected disorders, and got a very clear clincal diagnosis, then got official WGS testing to further confirm that.

so my self-diagnosis was right for a good couple of my disorders actually, but most were diagnosed by others after the other diagnoses were confirmed.

(like evidence of one phsyical disorder made other drs start to take my other symptoms seriously thankfully, bc now it was less likely to be mental illness/conversion symptoms in their eyes.)

but one of the /very first diagnosis/ that a neurologist tried to give me was Functional Neurological Disorder (which i do think is understood to be a bit different now than conversion syndrome, but to most drs it meant the same thing back then. even now, alot of doctors use FND and conversion disorder interchangeably, they think FND is just conversion disorder but "rebranded" so there's less pushback about a diagnosis, which isnt true.)

but FND is a diagnosis of exclusion. thank fuck my moms knowledgeable about stuff and said "no, you cannot diagnose my child that from one conversation and zero tests except routine labs, thats only by exclusion. you have done no tests to investigate their symptoms." so it never was an offical dx, but it was in the doctors notes still, which follow me to other doctors unfortunately.

it should never be the first thing a neurologist diagnoses or suggests to someone. he probably tried to for me because i was on medicine for anxiety depression and OCD, and was having alot of neurological symptoms.

(he also tried to say all my decline, daily headaches and constant migraines id developed after a TBI was just "post concussion syndrome" and "stress", but it was still going on 4+ years at that point. we had no idea PCS is not supposed to last that long, and trusted him about that at least. but when i had to switch drs, my new neurologist was actually /appalled/ the previous one didnt do further tests, or even get an updated MRI. he honestly seemed in disbelief that the old dr was trying to tell us it was "totally normal" to still be so affected after so long, let alone be having a decline as well.)

id literally had to stop my OCD meds very abruptly and have awful withdraws because he (the old negligent neurolgist) refused to do any further testing until i stopped that medicine (without consulting a psychiatrist even, he just said i had to stop it. such such dangerous and reckless doctor advice/order).

i was progressively declining and having alot of seizures and different dangerous medical events. so i stopped it and suffered bad withdraws ontop of everything else that was happening, went back to him, just for him to say it mustve been stress still, i was "stressed".

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"its stress" is a dr code phrase for "i dont have any idea whats happening with this patient but my ego will never let me admit that, so im going to blame the patient and say its all anxiety".

alot of drs wont admit if they dont know something. but all of my good drs, who have actually been investigating things and gotten to the bottom of a couple of my disorders, have admitted that because im a complex case, they dont know which issues are being caused by what.

they do tests to rule out or confirm major issues and then we try meds/treatments for various things to see if they help to try and find origins. and sometimes we just wont know what a symptom is from, but the goal is to find ways to improve my quality of life and capabilities, while doing frequent testing to keep an eye on the issue. like, all my best drs put their egos aside and say "lets investigate together".

i have been failed in alot of ways by the medical systems and doctors, but i have also had good drs and recieved alot of help as well.

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but alot of that good help, only came after advocating and fighting like hell for my symptoms to be investigated properly. after doing a fuck-ton of research myself because the system was failing me and i was dying (literally), then finding a specialist in what i suspected was my main issue. they investigated and tested for it properly, then gave me a clincial diagnosis, then "proof" of the disorder via genetic testing later on.

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im actually lucky in the sense that i actually have some known variants. because a couple of my genetic disorders dont always have known variants found yet, and despite myself having a very clear clincal profile, some doctors didnt even want to "accept" the diagnosis i was given, until they saw a clear genetic marker. even though i was diagnosed already, it was always "patient suspects ____ disorder, still awaiting WGS test to confirm.", "patient has concerns of ___ disorder, no genetic testing done yet.", "patients claims was diagnosed with ____, but no genetic testing done."

if my doctors hadnt been refusing to treat me for my other disorders, "until genetic tests come back", then i wouldnt have tried to get testing, because alot of drs who specialize in this disorder advocate for patients to NOT get testing, because even if someone has a clear clinical diagnosis and treatments are helping, if genetic results come back negative some doctors will take away the clinical diagnosis, stop treatments, and slap a conversion/FND label on them. then the patient doesnt improve because they dont have that, they have a genetic disorder with an un-found variant.

like, im talking about a disorder that the vast majority of people who have it, DO NOT have an identified variant, and it has clear clinical diagnostic requirements, which i fit. its not a diagnosis of exclusion, i fit the clinical tests and profiles, but so many doctors wouldnt accept my diagnosis unless i had a genetic test showing positive.

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from the time of clinical diagnosis to actually getting testing was a little over 4 years, and my other doctors were all still treating my very real, very clear clincal diagnosis as if i was just suspecting it. so everything, all treatments except for PT (which always made me worse, which is a known thing with my disorder) and some of the meds i was already on, was being delayed and put into limbo, of "lets wait for the genetic test first", even things unrelated to that diagnosis.

everyone said i needed WGS before anything else, but insurance wouldnt cover it, even with appeals, and fighting for so many years for it. so i had to try and save for it myself which is crazy hard when you're disabled with no income. while saving up, we were still trying to get insurance to cover it.

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so in this circumstance, thank fuck i actually had some known variants! because if i hadnt? i honestly would be dead. and i firmly believe that would be due to medical negligence and malpractice. which i also firmly believe was rooted in mental illness stigma, and stigma/bias due to the fact that an abuser was intefering with my health care (still is actually) by calling doctors offices and telling them that i have munchausens and/or by proxy.

(which i consider this to still be a mental health stigma/bias issue, not a genuine concern, bc alot of the tests and diagnoses i had are not something that someone can fake??? so seeing those shouldve made drs not take my abuser's words seriously, had they not been so biased about it, had it not clouded their judgment so much.)

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also, on the topic of phsyical abilities affecting mental health:

ooph i also have alot to say about that, in particular how my disabilities affect my OCD, and sometimes needing other people to engage in my compulsions for me, which sounds really weird when i word it like that.

and often i cant engage in some compulsions, or others cant get things "just right" for me, thats a major theme/pattern for my OCD. so ive basically been getting exposure therapy more and more as my physical abilities declined. and its awful awful for both me and my caregivers/helpers when im trying to convey while very stressed the exact way they need to place something or do something, etc. and when im overhwlemed or dysregulated (like how OCD can cause) then im very prone to meltdowns and to speech loss episodes as well, which then interferes with being able to communicate what i need in that moment too.

~

and needing help requires so much vulnerability, often i have people willing to help. safe people, who i love and the logical part of me knows would never actually hurt me. but with traumas and triggers, sometimes i just dont shower, or dont change my clothes, or i hold my urine in, or dont do some other things if i require help.

(and having experiences that match a PDA autism profile, whether from trauma or autism or a mix of both idk. can make all that worse too. i deny my own needs, even when i can do them, because my body is trying to demand it from me, which feels like a threat to my autonomy and choices.)

on the phsyical capabilities level though, i try to wait it out as long as i can until i can muster the energy and abilities to do something myself, or until i cant wait longer and need help. ill try to orient myself to remind i am safe, and sometimes just have to face those emotions, face those triggers.

i know that sounds bad, and i mean it is bad. i dont want to downplay it too much, but i also think its a fairly normal response to the things have have happened to me, and the loss of control my illnesses cause/create/exacerbate.

i have all the supports in place to be able to recieve that help, im often needing that help, but i need to try to hold onto control and autonomy as much as possible that id rather be lacking in my hygeine (especially bc im not even leaving the house or being very active to get sweaty or gross), or have abdominal pain from holding urine/bowel movements in, than traumatize myself if i might just be able to wait a longer until i have the ability to transfer myself and clean myself.

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my mental illnesses and PTSD affect my willingness to recieve the help from safe and well meaning people even when i do need it. and that then further can affect my mental and/or phsyical health.

like, its just a really shitty situation, that im still trying to learn the best way to cope with. trying to find the best way to let myself recieve help. to let myself to vulnerable, to truly /feel/ that its safe to ask for help even. not logically know, but actually feel it.

thankfully, my main caregiver is respectful of my "no's", and even if shell emphasize if i need to shower, check ive ate or drank water, and offer me help if i need it, she respects when i say "i need help but i dont want it, ill let you know when it gets to the point you need to be hands-on."

shes well meaning, but we still have some communication issues, especially when i have alot more speech issues, and can struggle to communicate to her.

i often think others can read my mind, not in the delusion way, but in the sense that i assume others can read my body lanaguge (even when im not being physically expressive, flat face, etc), and that the way i feel and the things i need are just already understood by others.

and i dont always realize how different some of my thinking patterns/needs are from others as well, and assume they experience some of the same things, so they are just automatically understand.

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and ive had multiple instances now, when i was having anaphalaxis, but have traumas around needles i cant control (and auto injectors count as a needle i cant control). ive had to wait until i was too incapacitated from an allergic reaction, to have my mom inject me with an epipen.

i am mentally incapable of injecting an auto injector, and will physically resist when capable too even if i want the epinephrine. i can get really severe flashbacks just /thinking/ about needles being inside me. i cannot get the body to do it.

so, i have given prior consents for her to be able to inject me with an epipen if im having really bad reactions even if i say no. but she has had to wait until im too weak or sick, or just dissociated and disconnected and in fawn/flop/freeze rather than fight/flight, to inject me.

so its at least not too bad of a trauma, but it is still extremely traumatic. to need that, and to need someone i love and feel safe with, need to be the person that injects that needle i cant control.

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well, this was a very long responses. seems when i do post, i write alot. i can struggle to condense and summarize things well, so i apologize if there was too many details or words.

just writing to the void of the internet, a world of strangers and bots. so if feels like i can be more open i think.

i cant speak for everyone but i feel like it's underrated just how much impact being physically disabled has on mental health. because physically disabled people often have to remind others that we struggle with mental health issues that it sometimes sounds like an afterthought to others. but it's a real impact of being physically disabled. being unable to go outside or leave the bed worsens depression. having actively declining health worsens depression because part of depression is being unable to imagine a future for yourself. it also creates anxiety. you have to rely on people. on carers, family, the government. it's hard to assure anxiety when you are in a precarious position and the "worst case scenario" is not something you can circumvent or deal with, because lack of care will kill you. has killed people like you. being told you are worthless, that people like you should die or never live in the first place has a big impact on mental health. being physically disabled and unable to defend yourself, being forced to rely on people, opens up a lot of opportunities for abuse and trauma. being in pain is traumatic, medical procedures may be traumatic - and being a disabled child leads you to be doubly vulnerable. people often have to focus on their physical needs to keep them alive - to keep them clean and fed and such. and with such little energy to spare it is difficult to manage mental health. all the stigma surrounding mental health doesn't disappear because you're already disabled. sometimes when you do reach out people will just focus on trying to make you less disabled in order to cure the mental illness issue, instead of giving you the tools to help manage it in your current and real life.

[pinkbeetroot]

reblogs are appreciated 🔮orb and bite version under the cut

[seventh-district]

i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)

[utilitycaster]

Well now im curious, what are your top 10 etiquette violations

I'm not actually sure there are 10 tbh in that these are relatively broad - you could split them up more finely if you wanted but they cover a wide range of behavior. Also this is...a bit stream of consciousness. I do stand by 1 as the absolute Golden Rule of D&D in that it's really just so Me Me Me (more so than main character syndrome) that it's inexcusable, but like...rules 2- 6 are kind of all in the same nebulous position in my mind as are rules 7-10. 2-6 are "really bad, have a talk and be prepared to kick this person out if they don't shape up and honestly I would probably not want to hang out with them irl much if they don't shape up" and 7-10 are "maybe don't invite them to game nights but they could be okay otherwise."

Deliberately going against the general vibe of the table. This is the broadest but also obviously worst trait. If everyone else is here to play a serious playthrough of Curse of Strahd and they're all vampire hunters and whatnot and you're playing a clown in a hawaiian shirt named Jeff you are not funny; you are an asshole. I think that person who made the post of like "I'm playing D&D with my dad's friends and they're all fighters with tragic backstory and I'm a neon firbolg who resurrects our enemies and runs therapy sessions" should be beaten with hammers. Like, be unique, but if everyone else is going for a lighthearted vibe it's not time to bust out your darkest PC and vice versa. (This also goes deeper, like, if your table has decided PC death in-game is okay, you can request a change, but if you've never spoken up about this and then your character dies and you pitch a fit, that's on you.)

"Um actually my rich family solves this" and similar circumventing of obstacles in a way that cuts off all story avenues. It's fine to offer your services to help - sometimes the party will want it! But the worst player I've played with (who still did not violate Item 1) did this and short-circuited like 75% of the plot by being like "well my wealthy merchant family can probably smooth this over" and I wanted to, well, beat them with hammers. Brian Murphy of Naddpod calls this "showing up and trying not to play D&D" and he's right.

Closely related to/overlapping with item 2 but Main Character Syndrome. If you're a wizard and there's a nonurgent trial of strength? that is for the barbarian. If they ask for help, go for it, but don't just do everything. Share the table. Self-explanatory but man do some people not get it. I'm also grouping this with "my character wouldn't help" behaviors. Like to be clear, forgoing your turn as a roleplay thing is fine, but another Naddpod D&D Court regular topic is like "the player for whatever reason would not join combat bc their character wouldn't, and we nearly had a tpk because the encounter assumed our fucking cleric would be there".

Actually violating player agency. Closely relating to 2-3. Conflict is great and good. I think it's fine to lie, cheat, and steal from your party members if your table agrees on that. There are spells or abilities that lead to possession which is also valid if your table has talked through that. But you do not get to otherwise like, force another player character to do your bidding (unless your table has, again, decided this is okay). You cannot persuasion check other PCs into going against their desires unless that's a very specific conversation you've had out of character as a table. Even in game, like, the DC on persuasion checks can be arbitrarily high - even impossible - if someone would simply never do it.

Noncombat/non-violent D&D. There are other TTRPGs that are not heavily based on war games with character classes that aren't like 90% battle abilities and you should check those out. Anyone who plays noncombat/nonviolent D&D and is proud of it is dumb as the bag of hammers I'm beating the people of items 1 and 2 for and I don't respect them. I guess this isn't so much an etiquette violation in that if your entire table wants this you can all be terrible together, but it is kind of a dick move, especially since I both love D&D and find the anti-D&D crowd to largely be the most sour grapes-ass losers of all time, but also believe passionately that there are many things D&D does not achieve well because it is in fact a specific game with specific objectives. You should, if you want to play a game that is all social encounters and skill checks and no fighting, play the many indie games that would love your patronage and suit you admirably, not the most neutered, milquetoast, unsalted margarine version of D&D. I genuinely believe that people playing murderhobos or hardcore metagamers are VASTLY preferable.

Not making a good faith effort to know the rules. You do not have to be good at D&D. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting for not knowing every rule of D&D. You only have to let the soft animal of your body have at least read the rules of your character's class, subclass, and race, and show up prepared, instead of being like "tee hee I listened to 5 episodes of TAZ Balance and am going to twirl my hair at the DM and hope they help little old me." The DM is BUSY and has SHIT TO DO. Read the fucking manual. It's okay to be wrong! It's not okay to be clueless on purpose.

Rules for Thee and Not For Me. Mostly a DM thing, and to be clear, the DM does have special rules bc they are the special one and this is obviously not about that. There are also rules that apply to NPCs/stat blocks and not PCs, and those are inherent to the balance of the game and are fine because NPCs have different abilities. But if, for example, you are requiring an athletics check of PCs to climb up on a ledge and don't permit acrobatics, your rogue NPC villain can't do acrobatics either unless they have some specific pre-written ability.

Metagaming pt 1: excessive metagaming: Part 2 will reveal the "excessive" but like. If you know trolls regenerate because you've been playing D&D for years but you are a level 4 INT 8 sorcerer in-game? you do not know trolls regenerate.

Metagaming pt 2: refusal to engage with the fact that this is a game: Sometimes you get the reverse, when people are like "well my character wouldn't realize that this magic item was important to your character" despite the other person RP-ing everything or "would I notice you were knocked out directly in front of me? It's a pitched battle!" Like. don't cheat but come on bro. This is, ultimately, a game. I will once again bring up Naddpod both because D&D Court exists AND they will do rule of funny shit (as Murph once pointed out, if you want to say you go to Ruby Tuesday's as a joke, great, if you try to use it mechanically, no, which is a healthy attitude towards immersion) AND Murph understands the concept of kayfabe.

Really extensive indecision that doesn't involve the whole party. This is mostly me but like. it's not fun, and I am impatient. If you're not an actual play livestream, you should take a break and in fact talk out of game and resume because god this drags. If everyone's on board obviously go for it but if it's one person's choice...babe the spotlight is on you, sing your solo or leave.

Basically: remember you are at a table with other people and you are telling a collaborative story in a system that is combat-heavy. I'm not bothered by (for example) someone stealing another character's item so long as they understand that this may lead to consequences for them! If you can dish it out but you're prepared to take it and your table trusts each other? Great! The problem is when people try to win against the other players, ask for special treatment they do not grant others, waste everyone's time unnecessarily, or skip to the end of the story; that's against the fundamental nature of the game. It's inconsiderate AND it misses the point.

[mbohjeezart]

doin another little analysis? ohohoh i find this interesting? ramble? right now post end pre explanations. SO watchers are def the big bad- still not sure who the pc is tho. We're killing the dragon but she isnt the monster out there really. Whenever a hermit reveals to much(?) or tries to they get silenced. (note, not locked to hermits, they also silenced you). Shown by them wrapping their hands around the victims mouth. Ren has only recently been Fucking Got. Etho has as well? Sometime probably very soon pre 'game' as joel comments on them getting etho 'again'. This may be hurting him more or from how we see him currently. I dunno.

Joe seems to be possessed by the watchers maybe? Theres something fucked up going on there tho lmao. but we knew that.

CLEO though. Shes intresting. Shes surrounded by spiderwebs for one, (in arachnes place i believe?) but we see her turning to stone. And shes a gorgon so maybe turning herself into stone in some way? Shes also called the 'eternal prisoner' so shes kinda suck lmao. But not ALONE as the other hermits are able to reach and talk to her. (She mentions that the server talks)

Joel, is mentioned to be a fallen/former god in some way, but its unknown exactly how /that/ all happened. Hes now a 'vengeful' nymph. He's seen with a dagger (ever the violent, that one is) Hes waiting for etho. Etho is known to be a 'genius' maybe etho has something to do with getting back god hood? Maybe he was kicked out for being an asshole. Shit wait. Iskalls crysalization and Cleos becoming rock are probably intertwined in some way- theyre mentioned by impulse as being fucked with by the watchers. Bdubs was cut off- which seems to be one of the watchers signature moves. so thats cool ya know. Grian mentions that the watchers want nothing to do with him- he has a watchers mask in his collection though, so im assuming that hes an ex watcher in some way. Hermits are also going /missing/. Which i think is what we saw happening with Ren there in the end. I was also wrong about the hermits you have medallions having significance. TLDR: So idea on what the story is. So i think the watchers released? are working with? The dragon to cause havoc on the hermits in some way. Hurting and attacking the people. For some reason the pc is called upon to stop the dragon. Alas the watchers are actively interfering to stop the pc from killing the dragon. (And maybe thus freeing the hermits?) I dont know why though. Hermits have some fucked shit going on. Cleo and Iskall have the same effect. Ren and Etho are in the same situation. Hypno wants to kill

Im not exactly 100% sure how much I can and cannot confirm (at least to not spoil future projects and such) but I will say that you're pretty close! Not exactly there yet, but close on a lot of things :)

There's a few thoughts that you've already got there, but if you connect them together... well. You might get further.

[haevnlii]

how i make aesthetic scripts on (web/pc) google docs.

part 2 <33

~ darlinqsdomain

ignore typos i give up.

Last time, i did a lil tut on bundling/mixing images for an aesthetic doc — this post, i wanted to do tables (as i promised) but i'm also going to try fit in a second part to mixing images.

tables are super easy to deal with, on pc at least - but again mobile gd doesn't allow you to organise tables like web version does.

O1 / hiding one coloumn or row of a table / invisible tables.

this is super simple to do. just start with adding your table, obviously.

if you don't know how to do it, go to insert > table > select desired amount of rows/coloumns:

tables, when you add them, don't allow you to write in an empty space beside the table — you'd have to add another coloum to the side of the table you're writing on, and for the sake of the aesthetic ;; you'd probably want it to look invisible.

to do this, just select the line/border of the table you'd like invisible, then go to border width > 0px. (this is better than changing the colour to match the background, personally)

if you have for whatever reason have a lot to make invisible (or only want one border visible), you can just right click the table/table border > table properties > colour > change the px to 0. then from there, just changethe borders you want to your ideal size/colour. :)

and this can work however you like:

notes

Layering images on tables is super tricky. Sometimes using "in front of" or "behind text" options in a way "glues" them to the table ;; it's super hard to remove. It's easier to do on top corners. Bottom corners just extend the table's length unnecessarily depending on the case — but if your text fills in the extra space, you can still try. That said, it cannot go on the exact corners, GD fixes it to be inside the table.

You can have different sizes and shapes for each border. I like doing this for a paper/receipt type aesthetic sometimes 😭✨ The setting is beside the border size option (border dash)

You can change the background of the table by going to the table properties > colour. It changes the colour for one cell at a time so, if you have multiple cells (sections of the border) ... uh, have fun with that..?

You can now (carefully) decorate your tables however you want. You can add images beside them but be careful to not have GD fucking CLIP THEM TO THE TABLE MY FUCKING GOD-

but yea there's not much to say on it? it's a simple process ...

example from my hr script <3

O2 / bundling images 2.0

OKOKOKOK so now that that's out of the way, i want to do a continuation on the bundling images. you can do this to make any aesthetic you want. personally, i like to make gifs, personal "cutout" png images, etc. and layer them to have that collage bullet journal type aesthetic? 😭✨ it's time consuming to make it super pretty in the end, so if you like putting unnecessary effort into your scripts like i do, go all out.

examples ///

all of these are completely separate pngs and backgrounds bundled and layered with other pictures. you have to be careful with which setting (behind text/front of text/wrap text/break text) you use as putting "behind text" makes the image harder to select. i suggest putting "in front of text" for pictures you'd likely move more / pictures that should be on top of all the other ones.

if you're on windows... i use snip & sketch. i find the picture i want, then change the setting to "freeform snip" - this allows you to have the kind of cut-out paper look? as seen in the corners of my pictures above.

just zoom in (for better quality) on the pic then snip it to your desired shape.

and when you do, it'll come out as that - if you want, you can crop out the unnecessary bits if you accidentally got some in the snip. then you can add them to google docs as desired.

personally, these pictures go on the bottom of all the others as backgrounds / addons. so i usually use "wrap text" or "behind text". that said, i also advise you crop it (on google docs) to that there's space to select and move it, if you have too many images overlapping it. this makes it easier than moving every single image out of place to get to it.

to do this - again - just double click the image then crop it way out of its actual size until there's a piece outside all the other images you can just click to move it. not advised for the images using "wrap text" setting unless you intend to have it affect the text. 😭✨

help for this is in my last post (link is in the top of the post) but you can just go crazy with it now. 😭✨

notes

i use background removers (remove.bg especially)

pinterest is your best friend for these - keywords are tricky to use. personally, i use "minimalist tattoos", "chinese post bullet journal stickers", and just keep clikcing on images and going to similar ones until i get to the ones i want. why chinese? idk either but it just gets me where i want 😭😭

if you want to use circular, square, etc. - wrapped text (like this:)

i use mockofun !

for like- some of the text, though, i just make a random page in the doc, write it how i want, ss it then go the my bg remover - and then go back to my doc with it. yea...

and uh yea. im bad at explaining // 😭 please ask for clarification if you need it because i feel like i wasn't being very clear here.

to finish off-

additional keywords i use:

mail bullet journal stickers

(insert bug/thing you want) aesthetic

[optional description] washi tape [bullet journal/aesthetic]

[optional description] border [aesthetic]

[yooniesim]

this as a prime example of what is wrong with simblr (and tumblr in general). this ask was sent to me within like less than a day of that post about cf going up, while I was away for the weekend and not at pc for days. I did not even see the post until right before I got this ask. yall are so damn terminally online that you lost the gd plot and cannot comprehend someone not keeping their finger on the dying pulse of the performative activism headquarters of the internet. and you definitely can't comprehend waiting for complete info or maybe just a full day before starting some reactionary bs. just peeking in here since yesterday i see that simblr is yet again so hyped up on smelling its own farts that it's turned an issue of genocide into yet another dick measuring contest of who can reblog more posts than one another the fastest so they can look more empathetic and better than anyone else. and call themselves "real activists" for being able to click the reblog button. not to mention the usual spamming anons to random people minding their own business. yall are weird as fuck and need to get a firm grip on some grass. stop making the horrific suffering of others about yourselves for once.

that being said, let me get serious for the people on here that are actually normal. for those that don't know by now, this anon seems to be referencing this post about cf, which talks about overwolf (the company that owns curseforge) donating to the IDF. But I also found this tweet by OOP made after that post that explains they have since received DMs from Overwolf stating that they have shifted their relief efforts to aiding victims that have lost their homes from the Hamas terrorist attacks exclusively and do not fund the IDF. this is a much better cause as the victims of terrorism definitely deserve to be helped, and it makes sense they would do this as an Israeli company. The DMs also clarify that it is donation based and nothing uploaded to cf (cc/mods) contributes to this effort whatsoever. As well as Overwolf/Curseforge revenue in general. So simply using curseforge does not mean that you fund or endorse genocide. OOP calls their new efforts commendable in that tweet but I am still looking into and keeping an eye on this matter since, as we know, more information could come out later that contradicts this. And since I have been away im still catching up on everything that has been posted relating to cf.

here are the pics for those that may not have Twitter. do I still support a boycott for those that want to? oh, absolutely. I know that many will still want to boycott regardless, and I'll be working to add alt links to my cc uploads as soon as possible (the ones that don't already have them) for those that don't want to use it. However, everyone I've seen wanting to boycott seems to want to do it because a) they believe overwolf is funding the IDF (apparently is not true) b) they believe having their uploads on cf or downloading from there will fund the IDF (apparently is not true) or c) overwolf itself is an Israeli company (is definitely true). therefore based on the new info we now have some may decide not to boycott after all or will still do so, it is a personal decision. will I be deleting my account there? for now, no.

to be completely honest, I'm in a really bad place financially right now, and while it isn't much, the little bit I get from cf downloads has been exclusively going towards my meds and dr appointment bills. I don't have the option right now to turn down the small amount of added income when I am currently living day to day, especially with the updated knowledge that simply having cc uploaded there does not contribute to their donation efforts in any way. I do not paywall my cc and never will and I do not ask for donations myself, so my options are somewhat limited. although I do not make cc with the aim of getting paid, I ultimately wouldn't be able to justify the sheer amount of time I spend on it if it wasn't helping me with my medical bills currently, as I am already caregiving with the majority of my time. I'm not reliant on cc making or cf to live, and I never want that to be the case god forbid, but in full transparency it is helping me with my healthcare expenses atm and I cannot afford to neglect my health anymore than I have. especially since, as established earlier, using cf does not contribute to the IDF in the first place. so I personally do not judge anyone that continues to use cf for this reason.

also, for the record so there is no confusion on my personal views, I fully support the freedom of Palestine and condemn genocide first and foremost, as well as terrorism and antisemitism. The current situation in Gaza is abhorrent and I encourage all my followers to not only reblog posts, but educate yourselves on the situation and bring it irl as you are able. Speak with the people you love as well as those you are acquainted with and bring this to this to their attention (if you feel safe to). Attend protests if you can. If you cannot, make the calls and emails to your representatives, sign petitions, and donate as you are able. I have been seeing that even spreading Palestinian culture among your loved ones and peers is helpful. So even if you are in a bad place mentally, that may be an option to spread the positive message of the Palestinian people in your everyday life. I'll be reblogging the posts I already did earlier and some new ones too so you can find those updated links. I will be tagging it with palestine so that it can be found easily on my page.

In addition, be kind. To others and yourself. Try to see the full damn picture instead of a snapshot. What someone posts on tumblr of all places does not reflect an entire person's being, or their efforts, or their heart. Yelling your head off on this dying website does not equal activism, and running your mental health into the ground taking on the weight of the world doesn't give you any more control over the issues we face- I learned that the hard fucking way, believe me. By all means share as much as you like, every bit helps (especially if you have a lot of followers), but keep in mind that it certainly doesn't make you better than anyone else. I know it's extremely difficult to feel helpless and you want to feel like you're doing something, but just make sure you're doing the right things for the right reasons. Please do not fucking attack random people for not responding within one business day of the latest info coming out. And take time away from all this shit to breathe. You can't help anyone if you're fucked up yourself. especially for those of us that already face discrimination and bigotry every day irl, I know it is exhausting. Remember to also care for yourselves through all this.

[broodwolf221]

davg positivity uwu

bc that last post i rbed is making me think about all the things i love about this game

a few quick notes: this isn't @ anyone, this isn't meant to convince, and this isn't meant to bash any of the prior games. i genuinely love all the dragon age games and i like how individual and unique they are

the characters: i think the characters - the companions and many of the other characters - really make this game. i love the way you interact with companions in davg, it feels so organic and realistic. and a lot of the characters are very important to me specifically. i mean they all are, but in terms of feeling seen/represented - taash with gender, lucanis with sexuality, bellara (and taash!) with neurodivergence... i really wasn't expecting to feel seen on so many levels with this game :')

the factions: i loveeee them all. i like that we're seeing different sides to some familiar factions, because organizations - especially big ones - are never going to be homogenous and i think it's more realistic to portray them as nuanced. and also as developing! like the antivan crows, we first hear about them in dao - that was so, so many years prior to when davg takes place

the plot: it is so epic. literally epic. and da games have always had a bit of that - even da2, which has what is arguably the most contained/limited plot of the series (not a critique! i love that about it, it's a different perspective to explore) still deals with huge issues and is the spark that set off the mage/templar war that dai ended up dealing with. but davg is just.... woof. it's huge it's vast it's sprawling we are seeing and learning so much!!! but i also feel like it's a really cohesive continuation of the overall plot in da - it feels right to me

the world: we see so much more of the world of thedas!!!! it's thrilling!!!

the combat: it's just sm fun. i really love it

enemy designs: they are!!! so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! ! ! ! the way this game represents demons in particular is smth i really love. it's so representative and nuanced

the cc: this might just be my dash but i never see any love for the cc, and it honestly deserves it 😭 it's so good! for the first time we can change the body type! we can change height! these kind of things create a lot more dev work but they committed to it, and i for one am so, so grateful. also the scars! both their existence, and my ability to actually utilize them now lmao. my pc is not good enough to show the inquisitor's scars in dai so this was a treat

the hair: okay this is related to the cc but it deserves it's own special shout-out because what the fuck it's SO good?? so many hairstyles but also the hair physics are impressive af

the look: all of the zones are?? so beautiful???

rook: genuinely love rook as the main character. like love love love. what they represent in the overall narrative...! rook is solas' direct foil - rook cannot fight gods on their own, so they don't! they assemble a team. a team they trust. a team they are honest with. a team they are friends with. and they rely on that team. that reliance is how they escape the prison that solas could not escape on his own, because rook, narratively, is never alone. it's the juxtaposition between isolation and reliance. which hits some very personal notes for me

the secret end scene: adding this bc apparently fandom opinion is kinda :| on it and i wanted to add in a bit of :D for those who feel as i do. it was SO cool!!! i was on the edge of my seat just staring at my screen like omg omg om g????? ?? ? ? i am soooo fascinated 😭💖

[storgicdealer]

ehehehehehe okay. first things first i figured out a good name for stohio: carteblan (i cannot believe it took me this long ive been calling it stohio for like ? oh my god just over a year now)

anyways yeah.

i havent figured out the exact timeline, but a couple years before victim "came back to life"/escaped the ava1 youtube video (that's a whole other can of worms), stickfigures were just finding out about the existence of other living sticks. in particular, freedom was a rather popular figure as one of the first sticks to break out of stick slavery (many living stickfigures were put to tasks, similar to chosen and second, where it was either do the task or die). freedom specifically was the first to discover the outernet, and quickly provided a link to others online.

he then created the "stick freedom ad" (which earned him his name; prior to this, he was simply known as unti (short for untitled) (sticks having Names outside of their roles was not a common thing yet)). he made this ad and scammed several websites into displaying it without actually paying for it by using fraudulent money (there are a couple very old blog posts and forum posts about the Stick Freedom Ad and what its supposed to mean, since clicking on it leads to an error 404).

as more sticks were freed and entered the outernet, they began to build houses. some sticks that had experience with drawing helped draw the sketches for these houses, which was then built upon using the surrounding resources. this eventually developed into carteblan, the city that mango and purple live in today.

however as time passed the culture in carteblan became a little elitist--- victim-blamey (haha), acting like all sticks should be strong, and turning down their noses on sticks who look a little too different from the norm (like paleo, ballista and hazard) (the norm being hollowheads, fullheads and whiteheads).

like i mentioned in my reblog, the sticks in carteblan began to crave more, lives similar to human lives, and amongst that was a demand for stick children. in my headcanon, sticks cannot reproduce and any sex they have is entirely recreational, so they had to devise another method for having kids. adoption, like mango did with gold in my hc, is the most common way of doing this.

sticks like second, that can draw things to life, are extremely rare (like 1 out of a thousand) in the outernet, but theres a couple thousand people in carteblan as of 2024 so there are a few sticks that can actually draw sticks to life. thus, they do 'kid' commissions where they literally draw a kid to life in exchange for money. there are also some website sticks in touch with their animators who ask their animators do do kid commissions as well for people in the outernet.

wow okay this is long. there are other stick cities too but the two major cities are carteblan and adagia most other sticks live in solitude or on websites ok im done woo

grabs you by the shoulders. falls onto the floor. has a fucking awakening

DUDE.

this is one of the most amazing things ive seen recently that inspired me to make a ramble/srs.

im going to create another part of my ramble series and pin it because of it im fr

foundation of the outernet, development of outernet sticks and creation of living beings

(a ramble made with the help of an immaculate person with amazing ideas)

OH MY GOD?????? FIRSTLY. i need to mention that i ADORE that we both have an idea that outernet was discovered by created internet/pc sticks. that its appearance began to be a place for a whole race to live in. and that its not something that exists completely naturally and independently from it. this is the theory of their origins i believe most right now

freedom being the founder IS SICK. ITS SO FUCKING SICK im rolling on the floor

in my "rules of code" ramble also i supposed sticks being in touch with their creators as well and them also BEING DRAWN!!! by sticks and creators. ill put a screenshot of everything hold on

outernets creation

my thoughts about outernets existence that most of which i think i explained

lives of stickmen and reproduction

my thoughts were about reproduction as well!!!!! its mostly accepted as canon in the fandom that sticks reproduce naturally but i cannot say that it actually is canon. everything that was going on with purple was symbolic and didnt showcase like. natural birth

alan said that for gold to exist king would have to marry a very neon yellow stick.

AND THIS made me confirm my headcanon that stick children are created by parent(s) own code. that they cannot influence it or prefer a color, that their code INHERENTLY has the variety of the color palette and hexcodes embedded into it.

ABOUT the code and colors. (i believe that the colors of sticks mixing up with each others is COMPLETELY code.)

all sticks inherently have a code and a name that gives them associated power. that can be messed with as well by a user (tdl command). its something that ive also talked in my rules of code ramble and mentioned the concept of "levels" and name power hierarchy

the chosen one, created and possessing a grandeu amount of power

the dark lord, also posessing a lot of power (that i dont believe couldve came from the command that was written into them. the command of destroying chosen is a goal that i believe is able to not be achieved)

the second coming, the name of someone that ties them with their predecessor (does make me wonder though how exactly their code made a connection with our chosen. maybe its possible that the name "the second coming" by itself, as a level, implies being a coming of someone powerful)

victim, being quite weak by themselves and not posessing any power by their own and having to rely on pc programs they're aware of.

i believe that being able to code a stick into a specific power and duty is something that could only be achieved and controlled through the feature of the program the stick was created in. in case of outernet, since they dont have access to computer programs and therefore, programs of creation such as adobe they cannot influence or change one's code

when it comes to creation of a stick i truly believe that you are able to give them color by yourself, unless the child is made by connecting it to the codes of its supposed parent(s). they gain hue by either actually taking/mixing up the colors of the parents or by taking one color in case of a sole parent.

(societal thought: its possible that outernet sticks, due to not wanting to have a literal copy and just an extension of themselves and wanting to create an "actual new life" by mixing colours prefer to have children with a partner, and not by themselves only)

have thought that color/code of the stick could be influenced by the parent(s) preferences, like a parent would like to have a kid similar to them and name them the same way (thus resulting/having their hexcode being picked out individually) BUT. i remembered alans words about kings spouse.

that for gold to exist king would need to marry a really neon yellow stick.

would it imply that sticks that subtract parent(s) code cannot influence the color of the stick created? as much as it impossible to influence the features of a born child in our real life, only taking it from parents and letting the nature play a randomizer. and that the only thing that they are able to influence is the shape of their creation?

society of outernet

THE CONCEPT OF STICKS SOCIETY BEING ELITIST ABOUT THIS STUFF. im eating it im not sure what fully do with it yet but im eating it

ive also talked about society there

when talking about creators of mercs king purple and co i was mostly thinking about real users. BUT YOUR CONCEPT OF STICKS BEING DRAWN BY OTHER STICKS AND ME THINKING ABOUT IT AS WELL . THIS IS SO FUCKING AMAZING. this is canon for me IDC!!!!!!

it does, however, make me wonder of their living process. we know that alan's hollowheads are created for a reason, are born aware of themselves, how to walk/run/interact/fight and havent been seen aging or changing. and due to chosen, victim and second surviving a whole bunch of damage that should've killed them, second literally REFUSING to delete, the fate of dark lord being unknown and alan not giving a straight answer about it and, very important: cg as created sticks being unable to actually die and needing only refresh of a page to continue living, having all their memories intact... makes me wonder that stickmen created directly by a human hand are unable to die.

(does make me wonder about another completely different thing. the societal perception. is it acceptable to be in touch with your stick creators? how would it even feel. do they perceive them as a distant relative?? do sticks that are able to create life consider their creations close to them as well??? im imagining something along the lines about detroit stuff with connor&kamski but way less intense)

connection of realms and creation of life

ive rambled A TON about connection of internet and outernet and how sticks especially of outernet could connect and travel between realms. hear ye hear ye.

right now i genuinely believe that stick society advanced so far in the outernet and got to live there that their connection with the internet mightve severed:

sticks of outernet don't physically interact neither with internet/pc programs OR travel there unless they obtained something that could allow them to travel to a pc/internet (the minecraft block and nether portals that seem doing quite fine in the outernet dimension) or have powers that can allow them to break through (chosen and the computer/ip sky which, interestingly, has only been seen broken through on the alanspc ip adress//dark portals to the internet).

given this, there's not a lot of accesible methods of traveling to the internet and most of them are available only to pc sticks.

(except. for king and purple. except for king getting a block from minecraft that was not supposed to be in the outernet from that merchant in his backstory. but it is a whole another can of worms as well)

as far as we've seen sticks that werent exposed to pc and internet tech dont really use or possess any tech that could access it??????? the times where we've seen tech such as computers/phones/tvs/pc and programs interface were always in possession of sticks that came from a pc or were there at least once (hollowheads, the cg, purple) or were entrusted with it from someone that was on a pc (mercenaries). talking about the video used on the tv in "the king" episode... it has never been shown that this video was being shown directly from the youtubes platform either. and that lead me to a thought that outernet sticks might not even interacted with internet's properties except for the tools used to create a life that came along with the foundation of the internet and most likely were developed from tools brought by the first sticks. but the way outernet progressed they might not even know that this stuff is literally from another realm

heck, a daring thought.

in case of outernet being almost completely cut off from its original internet history recent sticks of outernet might not even know of the existence of pcs and internet.

this does however clash with sticks being still created by people and sticks that are able to create life being in touch with them. but its still supposable that only rare sticks with an ability to create life somewhat have a.. gene? passed through to them from some of their ancestors that could've been able to create life. and users dont exactly come into this (also given its unlikely that its a regular experience for a user to be emulated in the outernet world like it was with alans cursor in showdown)

continuing to talk about elitism. again this is such a sick concept

im thinking right now that elitism towards stickmen that arent completely strong/prefer not to engage in fighting due to the progress of their civilization//different kinds of stickmen mightve also came from the original stickmen (im going start coloring this concept now. also this whole is some adam and eve stuff) that were created to fight. we know from our real world that the first appearance of sticks in the internet didnt come from a desire to animate them in a fighting ring but the whole scene and culture of fighting sticks came around pretty quickly. the whole reason avam exists as a series

its possible that while predecessors of original stickmen werent created with fighting in mind the stickmen that discovered the outernet might as well been the first sticks created for fight. and since it isnt a thing that gone away and is most likely embedded into the code of sticks themselves in the avam universe the whole "fighting code gene" mightve been carried over to recent sticks as well. and this elitism exists that even though sticks dont have to fight anymore (to literally survive in most cases) due to the progress of their kind some conservative mfs might believe that "this is what our ancestors intendeeeddd you need to bow to your roots and your existing gene"

the elitism towards kinds of sticks is. god its such a big and very explainable and amazing concept

due to sticks just beginning existing in the internet a long while ago and mostly drawn pretty similarly (since most creators were just exploring how to draw them digitally) the race of stickmen that passed down from original stickmen could've been all just fullheads and whiteheads and perhaps hollowheads?.. im really thinking hard about it because. we havent seen hollowheads in the outernet and the fact that orange didnt even know of their existence anywhere else and even WE didnt up until they saw victim (and were probably quite damn shocked) and the fact it was possibly quite a grand moment to them confuses me.

im not sure for what reason, but the number of sticks of the race of hollowheads might have been reduced in present outernet, only having the ones that posses incredible power survive. (yet. also victim. that does not posses such power. but its a whole another idea on that they could've acquired it through different means and not from power coming from their own self)

or, it just is an avam universe rule that users didnt really think of drawing hollowheads when creating first sticks because it was hard for them to keep track of the background besides their damn hollow head and it was easier to have a stick that covered it fully on another layer LOL

either way, coming back to elitism (this sounds funny out of context), due to original sticks being simply drawn as fullheads whiteheads and possibly hollowheads it was the main race that stickmen were used to creating when drawing a new life. but with the progress of their civilization they started to experiment, eventually inventing new kinds of sticks (the kinds of hazard, ballista and paleo). due to some conservative sticks clinging to their roots they didnt like the difference from the norm.

elitism thought.

even with a possible inability to code a stick into doing something by outernet sticks would people still try to draw a stick with a specific build associated with certain jobs and tasks, trying to force them into a mold of who they are "supposed" to be? like, drawing a stick that resembles a sign (like hazard) and having them work for example as an aircraft marshaller or some other job that requires caution and directive? the grey sticks working in rocketcorp, possibly made as clerks and errand dudes?

..could purple be drawn being stronger and having a greater build than a usual stick would have, therefore disappointing navy when they dont match their expectations of a stick they wanted?

would it be a problem that progressive sticks would try to solve? allowing different kinds of sticks to exist, but not forcing them into a certain shape?

another thing. YOUVE OPENED A GATEWAY TO A SEA OF WORMS BY TELLING ME ABOUT POSSIBLE ESCAPE OF VICTIM FROM A YOUTUBE VIDEO.

my previous ramble (rocketcorp, dimensions and virtual reality) made a theory that victim, in one way or another essentially brought pc programs and tech into outernet, thus obtaining power that is, quite literally, linked with their whole creation. (very symbolic considering their whole power is the one that made their life end so fast) and, due to outernet being cut off from programs and powers of internet and pcs, became a being that literally stood higher than the reality and fabric of the outernet realm itself, possesing power that could possibly meddle with it (mercs cannons literally changing structure and whole being of objects like the corndog stand or literally messing with a sticks state and body with chosen). and i have thought that victim is the one that could use internet itself as one of their grand tools.

and. animation vs youtube. we fucking know. that a stick is able to upload itself and break the interface of internet.

no one said that the original ava video on youtube is the whole thing that victim used to escape.

also. remember me mentioning that the original video of animation vs minecraft wasnt shown to be accessed through youtube. this video looked like it was downloaded having a whole different bar at the bottom and everything. couldve it been downloaded by vic or rocketcorp?

(victim interneted the fucking internet and started showing avam series like their own show. by the way its ALSO a potential scenario i talked about before. that due to potential severing of outernet citizens with the internet the recorded adventures of the cg on pc, internet and minecraft (ESPECIALLY considering that minecraft existed as a fun simulation game on a festival) that was broadcasted could've been interpreted by outernet sticks as fiction. but its an independent funny concept to be thought about and i still didnt fully figure it out)

op.

you cracked my mind open like a walnut and i cannot stop thinking about all of your ideas

oh my god this did so much to me. ive been writing for the past two hours due to how much ideas it gave me. im going to pin this ramble because its very important to me and puts a lot of theories and headcanons in stone. you are my saviour cindersnows and you are probably going to be fucking FLABBERGASTED by the length of this post

sincerely yours storgic "the aspiring matpat of the avam fandom" dealer

[onioety]

Okay!!! I'm fucking around with searches on the thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com's computer. I'll keep this thing updated with everything I find!!

(Disclaimer: typing names several times can change the outcomes)

List below!!

-BILL: either jazz triangle YouTube video or a Wikipedia link to eye triangle dollar bill things.

-MCGUCKET: cottoned eye Joe video on YouTube.

-MABEL: stickers will get sticked in the lab until 'lab now fully mabelized' appears on the pc's screen.

-DIPPER: Note from Bill asking him to stare 13 hours at the sun to develope powers to see 'special sun ink'. If you keep clicking, more notes appear saying you're on the right path. Gradually, the notes will get black (you're blind)

-STAN: HERE ME OUT THIS ONE IS MARVELOUS. The first searches will lead you to eBay and different random objects related to Stan (8 ball, rings, compression vest, hat, bow...). If you keep going you'll be able to see this (I love Stanley he's my baby):

Here you can take a look at a TON of random Stan-related things. Special mention to one of Stan's fear being having very small fingertips. I'll never be over it.

-DIVORCE/BREAKUP: THE FUCKING O'SADLEYS SIGN. I'M.

-BOYFRIEND: the romance book.

No because maybe there's more to this... 'there's three sides to every story'. Yes, triangle, love triangle, it's a very good pun. But we had Ford's POV in Diaries 3 and Bill's in the book of Bill. Thinking thoughts.

-GIDEON: sweat resistant bolo ties search on Google.

-TRIANGLE: ')' and 'tri harder'

-ALEX: flannel search on google

-PORTAL: 'portal.exe has been deleted. I bet you could build one'

-GRAVITY FALLS: 'never heard of it'

-FORD/SIXER: 18th y.o Ford's hand radiography. Weird something written I cannot really tell?? H8T0? HBT0? HBTO? H8TO?

-WENDY: 👌

-SOOS: some notes written down by him. Claims that when looking at the book everything glitches and he just sees 'HE'S UNCORRUPTABLE'.

-PIÑATA: video of a girl punching a Bill-shaped piñata.

-ABUELITA: vacuum cleaner commercial spot on YouTube.

-Any insult: soap image, angry message. They do not approve us.

-LIES: okay I find this specially important because the book is very introspective and gives out a lot of info about Bill but we all know he's an unreliable narrator. He rants about post-truth, scientism and superstition (very cool and interesting philosophical topics if I may say). But it's specially interesting when it comes to understanding Bill and his mindset. Lie until what you want becomes true, which can't. Lie until you can't remember what's a lie and what isn't. Reality is doomed, if you can't physically escape, do so in your mind. Lie until you aren't lying anymore. Reality is a compendium, and ultimate construct, a truth of lies, a possibility among endless. Lies are truths

-GOD: video of an axolot swimming with a Bill figurine made out of rock.

-HEY NERD: advertisement

-EVEN HIS LIES ARE LIES:

SORRY: Old picture of Fiddleford and Stanford back in college :(

ONE EYED KING: fucking morse code. Took me some minutes to catch it: -./.-/../-/.../..-/.-/..-.

Resulting in: NAITSUAF. If you enter this word as a new code, you'll see a page with a contract and terms of service to sell your soul. It has a code that translates to: 'you're now twenty one grams lighter'.

[tarmac-rat]

PER THE "NIGHT SKY" POST--

Hi there. My name is Seta LeCarpetron Flow, known shitposter for the hit 2020 video game Cyberpunk 2077 and generally-unwilling Tumblr funnyguy. If you've stumbled upon this post, congratulations! That means you've seen my shitpost about advertising in the night sky and decided to check out my blog, which eventually led you here. Here's a list of commonly asked questions I see about my shitpost that I thought I'd compile here for your enjoyment.

"Why did you do this?" -- this was a shitpost that escaped containment very quickly and with absolutely no warning.

"Never played the game, can you explain the joke to me?"-- In Night City, the game's setting, holographic advertisements are placed on the top of skyscrapers and scroll upwards for the citizens to look at. The response down below from "@/johnnysilverhandofficial" is a reference to the fact that in the game's canon, main character Johnny Silverhand commits an act of terrorism by blowing up the largest skyscraper in the city. It's a whole thing. The account tweeting, "@/NightCityWire", is the name of the YouTube show where devs of the game would give updates on its progress back when it was still being developed. 'Twitter for Holo' on the bottom is a reference to the fact that in the game, the characters use Holos to communication rather than cellphones.

"Why did you think this would be funny?"-- *'I don't know' noise*, I thought this was gonna hit like, 200 notes at most. The Cyberpunk fandom isn't that big.

"Is it based on something?"-- It's based on this exchange on Twitter that happened a couple of years ago, with a few copy edits. I usually credit inspirations and templates in my posts but again, did not think this post was going to blow up as much as it did.

"What even is the purpose of this blog?"-- CYPK2077 shitposting, generally. Occasionally writing, VP, whinging about lore, and complaining that I can't take photos on PC. The works.

"Are you a roleplay blog?"-- I have no fucking idea why people think this is a roleplay blog. This hardly qualifies as a roleplay shitpost. I don't roleplay. Stop telling people that I'm a roleplay blog in the tags, it's really goddamn annoying.

"Alright, so what's you're biggest issue, then?"-- My biggest issue is that people keep taking this post at face value without understanding the context. That's fine, I get it, the changes I made are not very noticeable and I probably edited it a bit too much, but I need to ensure people that this is a JOKE. It is not REAL. I cannot stress enough that this is a shitpost that got wildly out of hand and it's a little depressing that the state of the world is so whack that people look at this, go "yeah, that's real" and reblog it.

"Why are you making THIS post?"-- Because I've had to read thousands of tags on this post day in and day out lamenting the fall of society and our world's headlong rush towards capitalistic annihilation, and frankly, it kinda wears on me after a while. If I can get at least some person to look at this post and be like "Oh, okay, I get it now" before they reblog it at face value, then I'll consider this worth it in my eyes.

"You know this is kind of passive-aggressive, right?"-- yes, yes it is. But when you've had 27,000 people reblog the stupid shitpost you made in 20 minutes because you were bored at work and seen 95% of them take it out of context and/or make dumb assumptions about you based on it, you'd probably be a little Pass-Agro too.

Thank you for reading my FAQ on this blog's most popular shitpost. Never thought the day would come where I'd need to make this, but here we are.

[angelsndragons]

so i think i have too many c3 thoughts right now to be entirely coherent so fuck it, we roll. warning: super long post, i insincerely apologize.

while everyone is getting lost in the sauce about the gods and whether they “deserve to live” and whatnot, i think we the audience (and the players to a lesser extent but that’s just my reading) are missing the forest for the trees. because c3 is not about the gods, it’s about our pcs, moreover, it is about our pcs and their relationships to/with power, control, and responsibility. as conflict avoidant (and avoidant in general) as our party is, we need something big and in your face to really delve into their understanding of their issues and the solutions they believe will solve the problems. the gods are only part of the story because they are the biggest, most in your face representation of these issues. the gods have power; do they use it to control others, to control fate? what are their responsibilities when it comes to what their followers do? does any of that even matter in the face of their annihilation? if they have power and don’t use it, what is their responsibility then? adjacently, is free will even a thing when dealing with time and power on a scale that mortals cannot comprehend? and if we “surrender” to that, if we “just have faith” are we ceding control of our own lives to these far more powerful beings and what would that say about us?

these themes are a continuation of what aabria started in exu where she hammered over and over again that power isn’t inherently good or evil, it’s the choices one makes that matter. and if you choose not to decide, if you choose to avoid the issue, you still have made a choice. and you need to own it.

back in the early days, bells hells were all potential, not quite coming into their power and scrounging around for any semblance of control they could manage. ashton told themself that nothing mattered, that everything was shit, and to care was to destroy themself. they chose to just let things happen. chet believed that the only way he could fully control his own fate was to be a loner. fcg thought they were in control and encouraged others, through admittedly not great means, to make choices and take what small control they could, even as they thought choices were not for them. fearne collected, stole, and held things and others too close to keep them from leaving. imogen fought for rigid control over herself, her powers, and her curiosity about said power. laudna avoided the problem altogether; out of sight, out of mind. if she didn’t think about or care about delilah, it didn’t matter, it wouldn’t hurt her or anyone else. orym ceded control of his future to all the other characters and tried to redo the loss of his husband every time he entered a fight.

nowadays? despite their own perceptions of helplessness, they are undeniably powerful enough to make a difference, to make a real mark on the world. and now they have to deal with the responsibility of that power. while also grappling with those control questions that haven’t yet been solved. they’re level 10 characters- the nein were dealing with the happy fun ball, obann and his cronies, and the citadel, for reference. the hells have power, after spending so long feeling powerless and out of control. and i don’t think any of them is comfortable with this yet. having power has not, and probably will not, solved their problems. ashton still has the hole in their head and chronic pain. fearne keeps losing people. imogen is still being drawn to the red moon. laudna still compartmentalizes and is desperately disengaged with her own power and choices. power and control are ultimately separate factors and beasts, is what i am getting at, and having one doesn’t necessarily equate with having the other.

it’s a lot, is what i’m saying. the hells by and large haven’t solved their personal control and power issues so it’s no wonder they are flailing about and rehashing the god question over and over and over again. because the question isn’t really about the gods, the question is about them.

chet and orym have the most straightforward relationships with power and control in the party. orym is regaining control of his life, regaining the ability to lay down what he wants and expects, gaining the ability to lead in the process. chet’s reconciled the betrayal of his authority figure and more than that has consistently and repeatedly owned up to his screw ups and when his lack of control has fucked him or others up. and i think that’s why the pair of them most successfully separate the gods’ power from the gods’ control over the world.

fcg, he who was made to care for others and who now chooses to do so, has gained a relationship with his goddess. not for nothing was the first major breakthrough the one where fcg made a choice, owned it, and followed through. fortune favors the bold, after all, and the changebringer encourages mortals to seize their fates with both hands. through the tentative first steps of self-care, they have also gained more control over themself and their future. they figured out that murderbot doesn’t have to kill or hurt anyone. through the power of someone else helping them, fcg was able to retain enough control to not spiral. and that’s how fcg sees their new mission: the gods have the power to help others (and use it) so he wants to help them. simple, straightforward.

but here it gets murky. because ashton and laudna in particular see power and control as the same thing. they aren’t separate as far as these characters are concerned. if you have power, why wouldn’t you use it? why wouldn’t you control every single thing you could? why wouldn’t you stop this horrid thing? why would you let this happen? where the pair of them differ is that ashton, practically possibility incarnate, has decided to act. has decided that they have been stuck in a cycle of self-pity and wallowing and, well, if the gods aren’t going to act, even on their own behalf, then fine, they will. fuck it. someone has to. he will put ludinus into the ground for what he’s done and then...well, they’ll be a hero (don’t think i didn’t notice your word choices all episode, taliesin, i am watching ashton like a hawk here). through this decision, this acknowledgement of their own vulnerability, of how much they actually have to lose and how much they will have to fight to keep it, ashton has sent themself on the path towards regaining some control over their life. not for nothing have they been so focused on what power and possibilities their head could bring lately. but don’t think they’re doing it for the gods, oh no. they’re here for all the people like them.

but laudna? oh, laudna feels completely out of control. has for a while. her typical avoidance and compartmentalization strategies were completely failing her in issylra. in the face of all of this, she feels powerless. so what does she do? reach for control the only way she knows how: by using someone else’s power and giving them another foothold with which to control laudna’s own life. again. and after? laudna’s overwhelmed, she’s guilty, she’s worried about what everyone else will think. notice that she doesn’t yet seem worried about what delilah could do to her; it’s the betrayal to her friends, how they see her that worries her most. that she wasn’t strong enough, powerful enough, big enough to find another way (never mind that the facts of the situation were overwhelmingly on her side, especially before she called down delilah). that she lost control again. she’s a puppet on delilah’s strings so long as delilah has power that laudna wants or needs, why would the gods be any different in her eyes?

so, strangely in the middle, we have imogen. imogen, who intimately knows that power and control aren’t the same. but unlike chet and orym, in imogen’s experience, the more power she has, the more out of control she becomes. the more  power she gets, the more she’s drawn to that damn moon whether she wants to be or not. sure, the circlet helps now but it’s a band-aid, a temporary measure, and imogen knows it. and even it couldn’t completely block out her dreams. the cost she pays for her powers continues to climb (she lost her mother, her best friend and two of her party members were murdered for it, this solstice could end the world because of ludinus and ruidusborn like her, she can’t tell how overwhelmed laudna is without her powers). imogen, who questioned whether the bad guys have a point before any of this really kicked off.

and fittingly outside this strange intersection is fearne. fearne has no interest in the gods, really. she doesn’t seem to care one way or the other. however, she did just receive a vision from the duskmaven which honestly almost seems tailored to her specifically. the duskmaven’s champion, her person, is trapped in unending agony, caused by his love for his person. that fearne understands all too well. what she really cares about is her people, her new family. and so, she’s caught in the middle. because right now, all the group can agree on is that they want to stick together to take down ludinus. so where is that going to leave them, exactly, once he’s gone? where will that leave her, with a potential chet/orym/fcg vs laudna/ashton/imogen split, when she wants them all, when they are all hers? and how will her newly found sense of responsibility play into the next stage of the hells’ fight?

so i think that intersection between power, control, and responsibility is why certain characters are moving forward and why others are stumbling backwards. and why certain characters are gung-ho about saving the gods, others indifferent, while others are finding non-god reasons to involve themselves in the plot.

[vulpeskorsak]

Day 29 of Whumptober 2024: Nap

No. 29: FATIGUE Labyrinth | Burnout | “Who said you could rest?”

AO3 got banned in my country and VPNs have not been working well on my PC lately, so I am not going to post these there for now. But hopefully I can do that at some point.

Alva is a young biology teacher sent to work in a small town who ends up stranded on a strange island with his older fatherly colleague Sean after a fishing trip gone wrong.

This is a story about how they found that island. It takes place right after Day 17.

--------------

Nap

As soon as the bottom of the boat grinds into the pebbled shore Alva stumbles out of it and after a few of wobbly steps to get away from the water falls face first with a weak relieved groan, then rolls on his back.

"Who said you could rest?" Sean teases and chuckles, getting out soon after him slowly and carefully. "We've just arrived and you're already tired?"

His legs are also barely functional after sitting in the small boat for 8 days straight, so he decides to take his time walking.

"We still have that whole hill to climb. Let's get to that building on top and see if there is anyone there. I'm sure there is a bed or a couch there that is much more comfortable than this."

"I can't move a muscle." Alva answers quietly word by word.

He is both the happiest and most relieved he has been in his life and completely and utterly exhausted. 8 days of utter torture. Eating raw fish, sleeping in cramped conditions, praying he would die quickly and painlessly and the salt. The fucking salt. He really wants to wash himself and brush his teeth. Eat something sweet. Or at least not salty. But he truly cannot make his body move. It does not want to leave this heavenly piece of dry stable ground.

He closes his eyes for a second and immediately drifts off to sleep.

"Let's go, my young friend! There is no need to torture ourselves anymore…"

Sean crouches down next to Alva to give him a good shake and only then notices that the young man is actually asleep.

"Oh."

He tilts his head in surprise but does not say anything else, instead just sitting down fully. He should give the kid a few minutes to rest if he is this fatigued. The island is not going to disappear from underneath them.

[coop-hayes]

The Black Need to Move Out of South Park (A Tolkien Black Rant)

It's been two years since I ranted about a mistreatment of a character on this show--I ranted about Butters previously. But right now, it's time to rant about the mistreatment of Tolkien Black. He's been the source of race-based behavior for years on the show. His original name was a reference to being the "token black guy" of a "white-bread mountain town". And then T&M decided to not only change his name as a reference to J.R.R. Tolkien, but also have the audacity to insult us, the audience, as if trying to backtrack on their origins of his name. "Nuh-uh, we weren't thinking that he was named because of his race, you were! How dare you assume such things!" It is absolutely enraging and disgusting that two men in their 50s continue to act like the same immature, misanthropic manchildren that they were when they were in their late 20s. I just wish they'd grow the fuck up for once in their lives. Anyway, the racist jokes made at Tolkien's expense include (from my memory): Cartman assuming that he can play bass, Garrison giving him a brown egg, showing up in whiteface disguise along with the other blackface disguised kids to take Willzyx, Cartman wanting to kill him on the whiteboard in "Tsst!", and let's not forget the George Zimmerman and Black Panther/school shooting episodes. I've been wanting to rant about the former for a long, long time after eleven years. There is nothing "funny" about Cartman causing three plane crashes and claiming dozens--if not hundreds--of lives all because of his paranoia about Tolkien coming after him after the George Zimmerman acquittal trial. (A lot of plane crash survivors have had their PTSD in full force and I hope it was worth it for T&M.) And then Cartman shooting him and Tolkien not doing a goddamn thing about that. In fact, he also doesn't so a goddamn thing about Cartman harassing him about not seeing "Black Panther". He beat Cartman's ass at the end of the Christian rock episode, so why the fuck isn't he doing that again?? The first Covid special, of course, has Tolkien being shot again by the infamously incompetent SPPD. I really wish T&M would know the meaning of "too soon", because it is highly inappropriate for any insensitive thing Black-related to be going on post-George Floyd. And then Randy is at odds with the Black family for starting a rival weed farm right across from his weed farm. At this point, the Blacks need to move out of South Park. They have no right to be repeatedly mistreated by Cartman and Randy. They deserve to live in a proper African-American community where they are accepted. Somewhere in Denver. It's almost like this PC movement and the MeToo movement don't mean shit in the realm of comedy in this day and age--as evidences by this show, the "Ted" prequel series, the "Sausage Party" series and "The Boys". This is why I cannot stand comedy anymore. Everyone is always bitching about the media being "woke" and "sensitive" when the media has a point and they should just get over themselves and accept the fact that society is changing. TL;DR: The Blacks (Tolkien, Linda and Steve) should get the fuck out of South Park. End of rant.

[skiptomy]

Help a disabled trans person get back on their feet

Forcing myself to ask for help. It's really hard for me to do this cause I always feel like I've already asked way too much, but a few kind folks have suggested I do something like this, so I guess here goes nothing.

For more info about what's going on you can check out this post, but the tl;dr is that I'm flat fucking broke right now with no way to get extra income. A lot of my stuff is super old or super broken and at the point where I need replacements that I cannot afford.

So I guess here's a list of stuff, and general prices, though if anyone has better recommendations I'm super open. I'm limiting it to things I actively need rather than just things I want cause that obviously doesn't seem fair to ask folks for.

Bedding: at this point all my pillows are so old they are actively yellowing. My comforter is pretty stained and starting to tear up at the seams and whenever I come home from doing one of my dog sitting jobs I've noticed how much worse my allergies are. Fixing this will drastically help my lungs and sinuses, as well as help with joint support/comfort.

Allergy safe pillows: Usually between 8$-15$ x 2 at least, 4 preferred (joint support)

Cooling comforter: [link] 35$ plus shipping

Allergy safe mattress cover: Most I can find are between 30-50$

Cooling mattress pad: [link] 43$ plus shipping

Med support: This part is pretty self explanatory as to why I need them. But just in case you'd like to know; I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, fibromyalgia, chrons/ibs, asthma, pretty bad environmental allergies, as well as being recently diagnosed with ADHD/Autism. This leads to near constant pain, always constant fatigue, and just general bad vibes y'know? My body is essentially a poorly constructed ball joint doll that thinks it's funny to just sprinkle on the symptoms.

This one is just way easier to do as a wishlist, cause there's a LOT of things that could help and a lot of them are very expensive.

Work: I work as a digital artist, and the biggest thing I'm saving up for right now is a functioning PC, as my current computer continues to crash and is plagued with a whole lot of troubles and has never really had enough RAM to do what I need. Thanks to the incredible people in my life I have a little towards this already, as well as a big discount through one of my friend's jobs. The build that my tech buds and I worked out would suit my needs and keep me going for a good decade or so is about 1,400$. I've got 500$ towards it already that I refuse to touch for anything else (if it's not life threatening), and I'm trying my best to save up on the side, but bills and life keep making that very hard.

I've got Paypal, Venmo (just ask for QR), and Ko-fi.

I also do commissions but those are quite slow going right now because of all the aforementioned problems. But if you don't mind waiting a while (trying to catch up on older ones right now) you sure can put an order in.

If you are able to help, I cannot express how much that would mean to me. But I also completely understand if you can't. It's tough out there. Especially right now with everything going on. In any case, I wish you all the best, and thank you heartily for reading and sharing.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

ymmv obviously this is just a take and half hc but i have to think abt how the wol fights or more specifically, who they fight with.

it always seems to transpire that for one reason or another, the wol fights a lot of their battles alone (in terms of npcs, obviously. you have other players but they're nebulously extant ingame). arr is a whole "throw the wol at the problem"-fest, it kind of doesn't even start to occur to people that "hey maybe sending them to fight this big bad alone isn't always a great idea" until like, stormblood. but even then, the scions and any other allies that are around are very often outright prevented from helping you for one reason or another.

frequently you're fighting a battle on multiple fronts, and there's no real option for them except to focus on their own fight and put their faith in the wol elsewhere. or they get taken away or left behind while you press on. then there's the fact that you're frequently fighting primals, which the majority of characters literally can't help you with for most of the game without jeopardizing their sanity. like, you have other people in the room with you when you fight a primal once, and it's actually a huge problem bc you and arenvald can't really focus on fighting when you're running back and forth trying to shield people from tempering. combined with the limited pool of people who are even on level with a primal in combat to start with, people who can actually assist you with those fights are few and far between.

but even beyond the material reasons! if there's a "canon" wol they're obviously someone who's almost comically obedient, but they do silently exercise agency on occasion... and it is almost exclusively to pick fights, usually alone. like, fucking zodiark. you get sent up to the moon, expecting to maybe fight, like, zenos, fandaniel, nope! the big guy himself. and the wol makes the active decision to not even phone home and say "hey, just so you know, i'm fighting the father of all primals, idk if there's time for you to get up here but. just so you're aware. just in case i cannot kill zodiark by my fucking self. that's what's going on on the moon right now." nah you just jump in there, no need to bother your friends, they're busy, you can take care of this one.

and then this obviously comes to a blatant head in ultima thule, where your friends all but say "we're prepared to sacrifice ourselves along with you if it means the world is safe" and the wol literally denies them that right. they pull the scions back from death and then send them away, and remain behind alone, fully aware they were facing a probably-unwinnable fight. (and i have a whole other fucking essay about the narrative ramifications of zenos' arrival in this context and others but. another time. this post is too long anyway) my point being that's one of the most blatant moments of pc agency and it's to remove others from a battle and stay behind alone.

idk i think a canon wol trait is a fixation on their own sacrifice, a desire to put themself in harm's way because otherwise someone else might do it and that's intolerable. and the narrative often conspires to validate them on this. and it's. interesting? i'm rotating it.