#but i am so bad at follow through
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Sometimes a day makes you want a Starscream to bite and squeeze
#guess who got their final scores back ahaaa#class avg was 60 percent 😭#also I have blocked the transformers tag on TikTok that place is a hellhole#bit of a vent here but it’s so crazy#I was talking to a person I didn’t even follow a while back and we were making jokes like yeah the autobots ship megastar#on my fyp a couple days later and I see them reposting “shipping megastar is bad and gross’ like bruh what#I saw one of my followers commenting ‘yeah can’t believe it’s so popular’ I HAVE POSTED MEGASTAR BEFORE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE#I POSTED MY STARSCREAM AND MEGATRON FIGURES RAILING EACH OTHER#I only started posting cause I was like eh if it’s getting banned might as well#these people were poisoning my fyp smh#I’m convinced it’s just a moral superiority thing like all of those people who thought abo was so cringe and then someone was like#‘I secretly like abo’ and everyone agreed that they also like abo and it’s not that weird anymore#Ngl though. it is kinda sad but also kinda funny#sorry for the rant cause I talked about it before and I don’t want to keep on talking about it but those two baffled me#transformers#transformers fanart#megastar#megatron#starscream#transformers g1#megascream#maccadam#its like watching one of those religious couples where one of them is gay and theyre like 'I am working through my gay to be straight'
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#my yearly crack out of the drawing tablet. i then remember that i am bad at art and put it away in shame#still wanted to offer this up to the sfth fandom because god knows it's a small fandom#shoot from the hip#sfth#sfth aj#sfth tom#sfth sam#i guess but he is a cat in this scenario#no luke sadly#fanart#sfth fanart#if you see this in the sfth tag pls be my friend no one irl understands this brainrot#if you follow me and see this no you didn't. remember that i am going through some stuff. this is what i need right now#EDIT: a) thank y’all for being so nice to me about this#and b) I have now seen the boys live and it was SO FUNNY! best night ever
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You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.
-Shrimp Anon
The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.
Get ready cause this is a yap session:
Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.
I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.
The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.
This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.
Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...
These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.
I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.
Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.
It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.
I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.
It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.
There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.
End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.
#i also think it is because mouthwashing is first and foremost a game about rape culture and the patriarchy especially in work spaces#regarding women and centering conversation around Curly a man rubs people wrong because it does overshadow that commentary#but it still mixes other topics into its initial theming and message on how abuse conditions you to accept certain things that are harmful#and how getting used to a culture/enviornment does not mean you are happy healthy or most importantly safe in it. I personally like to#explore those aspects where it mixes all the themes so we can discuss the ways you have to watch out for things because there is a differen#in the idea Curly enabled Jimmy just because they were bros and because he was an example of another man afraid to step out from what#is a still oppressive system that does try to punish those who act against it even if they fall in the category of those who would benefit#from it as Jimmy and PE 100% represent that sort of misogynistic system where men that would be “good” are altered until they follow line#in a way both on the personal and professional level as PE is the corporate lock out and Jimmy represents the social and its just the issue#that the discussion of it sounds like “in defense of men” when I am more so trying to discuss how it is much deeper than men being scared t#upset other men but complacency is rewarded by not becoming another person subjugated hence as all the moments Curly does try to do#something we can tie it back to how Jimmy reacts and a possible penality from PE where we now need to address the ways to combat those#two concepts so we dont get cases like Curly or Daisuke or Swansea where male avoidance of the issue is considered neutral or even good.#i think most of this boils down the perfect victim mentality to where if someone who underwent or is being abused is not a perfect example#or accpetible type than their abuse can not be considered a valid or substantial reason for effects on their behavior compounded with the#fact that Anya's abuse at the hands of Jimmy is a systematic issue that Curly is a part of even if unwillingly and was more physically#violating and topical cause sometimes i have to remind myself that all media is still critiqued through the lens of the culture it came out#in cause i do think about what if this game came out inlike 2014 like the conversations would be sooooooo different could you imagine it?#but back the before statement Curly isn't perfect but I feel like boiling it down if hes a good person or man is not the point of the game#but more so good people can still be part of the problem and the idea of condemning a person for one act creates a false sense of#rightouesness and justice that does not aid the victim and in fact aids the abusers in escaping blame for their mulitple behaviors as we se#how the men on the ship tend to blame Jimmy for just one act against them including himself while there is a plethora of things Anya is#concerned about with Jimmy#and its not that Curly just made one mistake with Jimmy but more so we consider his actions more damning because he didn't stop Jimmy#instead of focusing on the fact Jimmy did what he did regardless of Curly and the consequence because we already know he's bad n maladjuste#which is problem in the conversation where the individuals are blamed but the system and perputrator are overlooked in a sense of acceptiab#complacency as we know how they are and the lack of tangibility to personally affect them on a larger scale like I should just make a post#on like cutting out the face when it comes it confronting systems of oppression rather than tag talking but just ask me to clarify if#you want that like im jus trying to say we avoid talking about Jimmy and PE so much cause it is obvious what they do wrong that we make#the initial and inherent problem out to be one aspect someone in this case Curly does and the the constraints they use to force actions
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panels from my webcomic. the characters are also from my webcomic. believe it or not it's about gay time traveling vampires
#I made the meme I dont remember why#even though I just did it... uhmmm anywyas#and I was like I can post this following the pride illustration idk#and then I was like no maybe to reply to something...?#and then i was like. wait. theres nothing better than with the comic itself. like..#anyways#HAHAHAH#time and time again#ttawebcomic#adam and steve#webtoon#webtoon originals#webtoon panels#ermmmm#gay#HAHAH#time travel that is gay#ok I'm so tired. I'm gonna queue this one#ITS FOUR AM???#yeah ok I'm queueing and going to sleep wtf...#my bad#ERRRMMM THATS MY BAD#I never use the queue#maybe I like. should.#hm.we'll see how it goes...#idk the way my brain works I'm like I made it now I post it.#and then in 45 minutes when I remember I did that. people are being niceys to me yayyyy <333#LMAOAMLGJL#ok I lied I didnt let it go through the queue. I got up to post this
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percy needs to be haunted by bianca's ghost more
#percy jackson#bianca di angelo#she doesn't even have to do it herself#he is just trapped in the horror of watching someone die and never recovering from the guilt that follows#like i thin we should talk more about how she was the first permanent death of the series and the first death he really witnessed#i think he should be more deranged by it tbh#painfully devoted to nico's health and happiness in a way that skips the border of unhealthy and jumps straight into fucked up#even better if bianca doesn't care. and nico has moved on. so the only person who is stuck in this void of misery about it is percy#and he can't emerge. no matter what he does no matter the time that passes she is always there in the back of his mind#a reminder of the first time he failed to protect someone else.#a reminder of his selfishness. his inability to follow through on promises. of his powerlessness. his uselessness.#in tbotl he finds out that nico doesn't care about him or his soul. he doesn't want percy dead. and percy is weirdly gutted by this#he needs nico to hate him and it freaks him out that nico doesn't. he's clearly upset but percy isn't centered in it the way you'd think.#nico has his own mission and percy is barely a side note in it and he's so bothered by that. it drives him up the wall#how selfish is it to be upset with someone for not hating you because you got their sister killed?#he hates himself so much. he wants to die so bad. but he can't. he has to keep going. for nico. for bianca. he doesn't have a choice#happy talks pjo#okay it is 3:36am and i am. going to try to sleep now
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He identifies as a villain and he wants to become a god but he's not doing the best job at being bad. Aside from ticking off the gods, he's done nothing but good - though claiming it's in the name of evil.
Himst: WHY would anyone of actual intelligence rely on such petty tactics as brainwashing or enchanting? So much can go wrong! On the other hand, I have a devoted following who will do as I say! (because he quite literally saved the lives of a town and they appreciate their savior)
#my characters#he wants to be a villain SO BAD but he needs a devoted following that will stay devoted once he reaches godhood#so hes like no i must cultivate my large following before then so once i am a god i will be unstoppable#and also hes like really super stressed when he hears Other Evil People trying to get their army through force or manipulation#because dude they are GOING to turn on you what is your PROBLEM#you have to get a fully devoted cult THE RIGHT WAY#so he is always helping and saving people to grow his following and its in the middle of the road to his villainous schemes#but everyone else is like oh him? he is SO wonderful we adore him!#mr villain guy just curing plagues and taking care of bandits and killing monster packs#to protect his followers bc in the long run its for his evil plan#and hes doing literally all the good things#and he refuses to acknowledge it as good#he just doesnt understand pointless violence - thats simply beneath him
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Not Only is he a bisexual icon but he also Cannot stop framing his demonic encounters as dubiously romantic without anyone or anything prompting him to
#insert that gekiman panel where nagai's editor is like 'i can't tell the difference between the sex and the violence' and nagai's like#'yes you can' here. thanks king#im surprised he never pulled out the 'ooh you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid'. a classic#sighh im supposed to not do devilman stuff until i get through my finals stuff (self-imposed so yk it's not gonna work)#but anyway.... yeah#it's so funny having exactly zero of my followers engage with this stuff. i am once again rolling out this guy you don't care about. cheers#you can't date me another guy is waiting for you. IN HELL. what a thing to say bbg what's up with that.#akira nobody said anything about dating#anyway#devilman#devilman manga#fudo akira#i love him what a guy#mm the last two don't make as much sense without context just trust me when i say the beauty thing was not prompted#he just thinks he's gorgeous and uses that as evidence for 'oh shit i think he might be satan unfortunately'#which is a very funny relationship to have with your ex. divine thing by soupdragon type dynamics
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yeah make the disabled girl do unpaid manual labour for you outside in the cold when shes been awake for 20 hours whats the worst that could happen haha
#i dont talk about my living situation much because why would i#but out of guilt for existing in a place without paying money im forced to accept whatever is asked of me#for someone whos supposed to love me unconditionally that fucker sure does force me to act against my best interests#just at a fucking whim because “the garden doesnt look nice like this”#bitch knows i had to quit my job due to physical burnout and the fact that i havent recovered in the last 8 months is very concerning#AND YET that doesnt stop anything. im still assumed to be physically capable of fucking digging dirt to fill a hole#at ten in the fucking morning#3 degrees (about 38 fahrenheit) outside the ground was fkn solid#like i bought a fucking cane because i struggle with mobility#and you already know ive probably done myself in pretty bad because i feel too fucking guilty living here 'without paying rent'#i cover my own food bills and always end up giving money im trying to save because bills need paying#my self worth is through the fucking floor as it is#im just so so scared of being a burden to those around me that i actively harm myself bending over backwards for people who wont love me#god some of you followed me for my hornyposting im so sorry u have to read this shit#for those of u that care about me im literally crying rn even just thinking abt the knowledge that there r people out there who care#especially yall who care enough to support me#i promise your money isnt being handed out needlessly to my pseudo-abusive parent. i am trying my best to save the money im given#at least that which isnt spent on feeding myself#thank you all for supporting me#and sorry for being such a fucking trainwreck im just so overwhelmed and hurting and ugh#:(
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Mars, you have a lot more patience than I would at this point gdhfkjgdsfg. If you'll allow me to choose violence for a second:
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Hi anon! Did you know you can engage with other people without interpreting every word they use in the worst way possible, making a million assumptions about their background and prescribing opinions to them they've explicitly told you they don't have?
I don't even disagree with all of those rebuttals, but if you want people to engage in discussions with you you have to treat them like human beings, not your opposition in a court case. What are you expecting to get back when you act like this? About nonexistent fingers in his ass guy?
You should at least have got off anon and owned what you said- unless you're using anon to block evade, in which case you should consider respecting people's boundaries.
:D waow…. feeling very cared for in this chili’s tonight
#ask#lyre#as for my patience: yeah i am a bit more patient than i’d like to be#but anons like that are enrichment to me lmao#i try not to feed the trolls but there’s smth very satisfying in showing someone that they have failed to get under your skin#it was how i dealt with troublemakers/bullying in school as a kid ^_^#in one of my art classes (8th grade i think? so like 12-13yo) there was a kid who just refused to follow any directions#and would also try to distract and annoy everyone else#it pissed me off. so i decided i would literally just pretend he didn’t exist#he would get my attention and i wouldn’t respond. he’d try to startle me#wouldn’t even flinch. i got to the point where i could look Through him#it pissed him off so bad. i think i lowkey crave returning to the level of power i felt in that moment#anyways i employ a similar strategy with these types of anons. i’m trying to have Less patience with people but i’m not an angry person?#i don’t experience anger at individuals very often#i DO however have a strong competitive spirit and a trickster’s sense of humor#(yes i was raised on looney tunes can you tell)#so i laugh whenever ppl try to get under my skin like that because. heheheheee they’re madddddd they’re soooo angry#and it must piss them off sooooo bad that their words don’t make me feel bad :(( poor thang#this is probably a character flaw of mine in excess. but right now it’s funny#and hey if someone is gonna refuse to treat me with respect i think i’ve earned a few potshots right
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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a guy called me a bitch today and i genuinely have not been able to cope 🌹
#i want to believe that i’m not sensitive but I AM#like i’m watching a film right now and i keep dissociating and thinking back to that moment sobsob#like omg#u guys it was so unwarranted too#i was just following one of my friends and she weaved through this group of guys and i followed#mind u i did not bump into anyone and i walked in the areas were there were gaps/space#and as i was walking away i heard one of them say bitch like plsssssss#i just cannot fathom that a woman gives birth to an absolute neanderthal … u APE i didn’t even do anything#( i am so chill about this …#sooooo chill 😇 )#☹️☹️☹️#URRGGRGR OMFG IM SO EMBARRASSED ACTUALLY#but i didnt hear anyone laugh or say anything so hopefully they were all like ‘#‘chill she’s so cool and so smart and so sexy. like what the freak are u hating for. u are miserable af !’#jsjskskskskwkeowuwj!2£8292)/!29/‘apwiwwiiwjsow929829229#BAD WORDS BAD WORDS BAD WORDS#this happened likeeee 2pm#baby it’s 11pm now i am NOT getting over thjs#real men ❌❌❌💢⁉️#fictional men ✅✅✅❕✅✅#72818€€]!]*[* LIKE OMFG THERE WAS NOWHERE RLSE TO GOOO (;(((((((
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i rmr when all the initial meta around endgame was coming out people were talking about steve being depressed and whatnot and it's like well yeah but he's BEEN depressed, like he woke up alone in this century and he kept going, now i can understand it being worse this time after finding a family and getting bucky back and losing them all except of course that's not why endgame steve was on about so like......the people writing meta were trying to connect these things that of course weren't really there on screen because that simply wasn't our steve
but i think it really could've been SO interesting to see this is the thing that finally makes steve stay down like he's lost so much and he just CAN'T keep fighting like i get some people think that's what they were going for but considering the ending......it's really not. and so i'm just thinking about a version after iw, maybe he gets some of the thor treatment except not turning his depression into a dumb fatphobic joke lol and maybe nat and others are trying to get through to him and it just doesn't work and then we get some flashbacks (which you could have done for all the original avengers actually which would be particularly important for bruce and nat and clint who did not have their own trilogies) including his mom telling him "you always stand up" and THAT being the thing to finally get him moving like it would've been such a perfect way to finally show sarah rogers some respect and ACTUALLY show steve really struggling instead of whatever they tried to do with him in that movie
#steve rogers#mcu#anti endgame#why am i still rewriting this movie five years later#really though i think i rmr just trying to work through it all#and a lot of the meta i was reblogging initially still wasn't really accurate to endgame or the rest of the mcu#like they were still making steggy more important than it canonically was while trying to explain why it was a bad ending#and it's kind of like you can say steve would respect that peggy had a life and wouldn't interfere with it but that's about it like#going on about how he DID love her so much and just wouldn't be selfish enough to do those things#or that she was soooo important to his moral compass (hence why so many fic writers had her telling him to go back to bucky lol insanity)#are just not accurate lmao i do think much as she may be rightfully disliked#while canonically he did not LOVE her he did respect her even if we think that's annoying bc she's an asshole to him in catfa#but yeah no he had a moral compass before her i understand what people were going for with the compass being symbolic but like....#any time she said anything did he listen? except for maybe when she told him he was meant for more? it really doesn't seem like it#nor did he need it! jesus! the whole point of catfa is he was chosen for a REASON he was already a good man#he did not need peggy 'sure i'll let nazis into shield' carter to teach him shit#but yeah it was bc i followed one stucky blog at the time who was reblogging a lot of good shit but a lot of that nonsensical shit too#and i was just reblogging it all bc everything sounded better than endgame#and i really did start seeing more of the discussions around peggy where her culpability in catws hadn't even occurred to me#bc i was so in fic from the beginning of joining fandom that not only was their relationship made as impt as stucky#it was also made out like what happened to shield was hurting her legacy and it's like...but she had to have at least SOME responsibility#and yeah eventually it's like okay no it's not just that steve wouldn't Do That it's also that they would've been a terrible couple#and not only would he not be so selfish but he wouldn't give up everything for HER lmao but he would've for bucky as was shown over and ove
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YOU'RE JOKING!!!!
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b8e8aad1faac0b51304dcb2ed9747aa8/b8c44903d10a5a32-eb/s540x810/95f47a9078e6035faaccb43e4a970ae156c95fea.jpg)
This is the girl again!!! Now that her exams, her concussion, and Christmas is over I have decided to stir the pot with her again, and I just very gently reminded her that, "hey, you flirted with me a couple months ago...do you remember that?" (she did not) (I have AGAIN been bolder than I meant to) but anyway, she was like, "I'll get back on that!"
BOULDER TO THE HEAD PERHAPS?!?!
So far she has only tried the English songs, but she'll get there. If I don't get a girlfriend out of this, I'll be fine. If I don't get a Joker Out fan out of this— what was all this for?!
#personal#joker out#This one I am putting in the main tag because if my mission is successful we will have a new friend in the tag#I had a panic attack last time she flirted with me and girl nothing even happened but I have been so on edge#currently going through the ups and downs like “we are so back!!” “we are so done for and i can't do this“ ”WOOOO WE'RE SO BACK!!“#don't mind my other friend saying fart in her note...idk what is going on in her life#also context for anyone who doesn't follow me: I've been talking to this girl and analysing her poetry with her for about four months#i asked her why she followed me on instagram because I do not know her irl and she said she just thought I was pretty and THEN FLIRTED AT M#(she did that two months in to knowing me) (perfectly reasonable amount of time)#it scared me really bad though but i persist#she is a little crazy and really invested in me and I think she likes me more than i like her but I'm sure things will work out anyway...
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Excerpt from Establishing Council of the United Sovereignties of Auradon, General Meeting Minutes, Early Spring, year XXXX
Motion #22: Villainous Uprising: King Adam of Rouen-Metz
King Adam presented to the council the current status of the villain uprising, which now controls the kingdom of Atlantica, the border with Waverly City to the east, and the border with Astoria to the west. The troops dispatched by the United Sovereignties upon our last meeting have been returned to their respective kingdoms in the form of a large quantity (roughly equivalent by weight to the bodies of the soldiers originally dispatched) of black sand.
In light of this development, King Adam proposes that the council dispatch the full military forces of Auroria and Charmingdale to disburse the villain uprising and recover control of Atlantica.
Princess Briar Rose of Auroria proposed a second division of troops, in order to lessen the burden on specific kingdoms within the United Sovereignties.
King Adam reminded Princess Briar that the current troops were returned in ashes, and suggested that perhaps this abject failure at quashing the villains was due to the scattered nature of the previous defense. Furthermore, he brought to the council the proposal of sending all of the troops from each of the united sovereignties in waves so that if the first were to fail once again at suppressing the forward motion of the villains, the second could have an encampment prepared a short distance away so as to avoid the constant moving a troops into position while the villains march forward.
The council approved the deployment of a united force from the kingdoms of Auroria, Charmingdale, and New London, to attack on the current front lines. An additional contingent will dispatched from each of the other kingdoms in the United Sovereignties who holds a standing military force, to establish a breakpoint in the kingdom of Westerly should the villains evade the front line deployment. Motion approved 16-2, 1 abstained.
#my fic#descendants#this is something I may or may not follow through on but the plot bunny DEMANDED to be heard#I am constantly fascinated by the ways that the isle might have been established#and how it might have seemed like a mercy at the time.#so. trying to build to that.#(Adam knows what being treated as a monster can do to a man. Adam cannot bear to kill so many who participated in the uprising.)#(imprisonment would be a kindness. It would allow them space to change. to learn.)#Adam has responsibilities to the kingdom that he is uniting under the banner of his protection. he cannot abandon them.#if he shuttles the fruit of the unburned fields out to the isle where the villains are waiting and leaves his own people to starve#does that make him as bad as they are??#he cannot save everyone#and. looking over the bodies of the men he led against the villains. he’s not sure that he wants to.
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ooooh number 10 for the WIP game 👀👀
ehehe thank you sales!!
Ask me about my WIPs!
10. double lavellan AU
shamelessly self-indulgent AU where Siona Lavellan is the fourth mage in her clan and, at the tender age of 7ish, is tricked by her brother and parents, abandoned in the forest, and left for dead. After [insert a fuck ton of trauma here], she resurfaces in Denerim as Tamsyn, a name she took off a tombstone, and becomes entangled in the power struggle as part of the Favors for Certain Interested Parties questline in DAO. She and her partner Mick claim control of the Guild and turn it into a force for rescuing and empowering orphans in the city - until a decade later, when Tamsyn wants to expand. They fight, she takes half the company on a job to Haven, and they're caught up with the Inquisition Where, it turns out, the Herald of Andraste is the brother who left her for dead as a child. Cue ✨ drama✨ during the apocalypse while the past, recent and distant, comes back to haunt them >:]
#the reason this isn't finished is because while I love rewrites in theory in practice I am so bad about following through on them#this is literally planned in it's entirety and the sibling dynamic makes me insaNEEEEE#and yet#here we are#my wips#ty for asking!!#wip: double lavellan au#oc: tamsyn#oc: sileal lavellan#dragon age fanfic
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merry yaoimas mutuals. (in order, for @starredforlife, @vampyr-bats, maymerdoodle on insta, @littlemoondarling, @bmpmp3) (all of you make such cool stuff I hope you like em <3)
#every single one of these is in a different style oTL anyway a little bit to say about all of them :#i always draw al and lupa oTL i wanted to draw someone else but. they came out. i love them and am thinking about them. too much. always.#similar story w the val as i started out trying to draw spade and harrow and then. him. hes very. hes so. <3 <3#youre probably not gonna see this on here macie but i love them. i think. women <3 thank you.#disney princess dave ive wanted to draw this for a while i think hes fun! hes neat!!#i was intending to scroll through ur artblog for a guy but then. ezra. hes cute he needs cat cuddles on a couch i think. <3#hello yes see i draw#digital art#Other mutuals I also love y’all I simply started these late so didn’t have time and or am intimidated by you#<- not in a bad way more like anticmiscellany follows me on insta and what could I possibly make that would. Wah.#There are some of you that intimidate me that way. So I thought about it and then was like I cannot do this justice#I couldn’t do justice for these either tbh all y’all’s art is sooooo good it’s insane that any of you like mine <3
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