#but i am in the shape of my life and i look fucking banging

[youreamonocoque]

Pretty pleased that Spa didn't ruin the GainsTM, in fact all the walking really helped lmao

[aespabangedbang]

🥴HENTAI SELLE🤪(Remake)

Writer's Note: A remake of the very first smut I wrote for my old account. Its better and well executed than old one.

Tags: (FULL CON) Consensual Hardcore, Arranged Fuck, Anal, Creampied, Bloods and Bleeding, Gangbang, Degrading, Slutty and few more heavy stuff.

Warning: (18+) Don't ask for morality, it's like any other smut stories.

Word Count: 2K words.

Ohhh ah ahh Oh ah Ohh Oh ah Ohh ah oh ah

Moaning so satisfyingly caressing my cock with her pussy is none other than that one idol they call THE HOT GIRL. You got it right, it's Giselle the booty queen of Kpop. I am pounding her pussy from behind, she is leaning on the counter in the makeup room. She still got her torso modesty covered, but everything under her waist is slumped on the floor. Me, one of the music show crew, was picked by miss hot girl before her stage, now summoned and ordered to fuck her. Of course, I didn't say no to an idol pussy!

Her Ahegao face in the mirror is a surprise for me. She is looking at the mirror lewdly, with every thrust she is moaning loudly while her eyes are turning upward, tongue lolling out. Just like those hentai girls, this made in Japan idol should have become a Gravure idol instead. She nailed that cartoonish expression perfectly, only missing the JAV videos. Should I film it?

She has turned her meaty ass into a piece of art, so much muscle but not tight at all. Instead like a bouncy cushion, every time I pound her I get hugged by her hot ass and rejuvenating elasticity. All the hours she has spent in the gym shaping her booty have worked out well, I am having the best time of my life. Satisfying meat slapping meat sound.

“Harder, faster. Spank my bad ass bloody!” She wiggles her butt few times, her lustful voice seduces me so badly that I don't hold back. I lift my hand as high as I can and bring down a thunderous slap with all my power that echoes around the chamber and almost blocks our ears. AAHHHHHH she screams loudly in pleasure, my slap has left a visible red print in her right cheek.

“M-More, more p-please!” She begs while moving her hips fucking herself to make me fuck her faster. “A-Are you sure?” I ask while my cock is getting milked by her tight pussy. She brings one hand behind and smacks her ass herself, that's a yes. So I start to slap and fuck her faster and harder, leaving hand prints over and over again until her ass become tomato red, tender as kebab meat. Surely it would taste delicious if you could cook that meaty booty on fire, cutting it into small skewers.

With every slap her pussy constantly clenches around my cock, almost biting it off. Under such intense sensation I can't hold on much longer. My hands go for her boobs, I claw her soft mounds and pull her towards me. She looks back over her shoulder, eyes full of pleasure. Her back arched completely, her body is supported by my fondling hand.

I start to give her some powerful thrust reaching her cervix and soon her cum starts gushing out, wetting my thighs and balls for the 2nd time in the last 30 min. It sends me over edge, I start cumming straight into her womb, ropes after ropes of my baby maker flooding her pouch. If she is ovulating now then this is making her pregnant for sure.

Both of our knees go weak and we go to the ground, gasping for breath. A faint muffled scream comes from the next makeup room; it's Karina getting gang banged by the other crews of our team. She is such a bad bitch, unless she is stuffed in all three holes at once she can't cum at all. So my colleagues are busy satisfying her whoreness, gang banging her until she loses her sense. She doesn’t stop until she gets fucked like a abused slut. She has the most fuckers lusting for her holes so it's easy for her to do.

Giselle in front of me isn't bad either. Her creampied pussy is leaking my cum and making a pool on the floor. She takes her clothes and bra off, now her perky boobs are on full glorified display. She looks at me with her needy eyes, her heaving chest looking surprisingly delicious. She cups her boobs with both hands, squeezing and pointing me to go and suck them. No way I am objecting such offer.

I go and immediately latch onto the left nipple with her entire areola, suckling like a hungry baby who didn't drink milk for 2 days. Other hand busy kneeding her right boobs like a freaking pizza dough, too hard to earn a painful moan from her. I keep altering between sucking and kneading both of her boobs while her rap like painful moaning keep me on edge. Her right hand behind my head, keeping me pressed on her boobs. Her right hand busy rubbing her clit and fingering her pussy, this bitch is completely lost in pleasure.

After around 5 min of sucking and fingering, her body jolted again, squirting all over me. I pull her on my lap, hug her firmly to give her convulsing body support. On the other hand I'm busy fingering her pussy so she can ride the climax out. Her hips keep bucking up while she keeps whimpering from sensory overload. I only stop once her fountain is all drained, gasping for air. I put my wet hands inside her mouth, making her taste both her and my cum. She sucks it clean, her eyes asking me for more.

“Do you want to continue?” She asks with a lustrous voice. “Aren’t you tired? You have cummed three times already.” I asked with surprise. “No, I can keep going for hours. You know, CAUSE I AM HELLA SEXY!” The moment she ends pouring poison in my ears, her lips lock mine. Her tongue darting out sharing our combined cum like a delicacy. I respond back, grabbing her head with both hands and kissing her dirt mouth like there is no tomorrow. My dick is rock hard again, poking her belly. She grab my dick and balls with both hand, messaging my arousal back like I didn't fuck her for nearly an hour.

When satisfied she moves her head back, face flushed red and tongue lolling out like a dog. She gets down from my lap and lie on her back. She looks at me with her fuck me eye spreading her legs, revealing her glistening pussy and asshole wet from our lovemaking. She pull apart her anal muscle while clenching it like it's breathing, inviting to sodomize her.

Karina’s inhuman scream comes from the next door,”AHHHHHHHHH More, fuck me, breed me, break me in half daddies AUGH AHHHHHHH!” They are using her like little cheap fuck doll. “Crazy, we don't have lube for that. You will bleed” I warn Giselle. She replies, “Don’t worry, aespa loves it bloody and raw!” Like a possessed I don't wait for anything and jump on her. I put my dick at the entrance of her ass and thrust in, I enter an inch and get stuck. Her meaty booty is so tight!

Again and again I keep drilling in her raw asshole gaining half an inch every thrust. I am sodomizing the best ass of kpop with an agonizingly pleasurable way. She is screaming silently with a gaped mouth, her hands clawing mine that are busy balancing me grabbing her boobs. When I enter all the way in, I pull back until my tip is inside. Then I slam back all the way in.

AHHHGUHHAARGG FUCG UUCK FUCK

She cries out loud chanting fuck nonstop as I am destroying her anus wide and her rectum skin tattered with dry friction. Soon enough my dick is covered with her blood while I am keeping my speed despite my hip aching and her ass bleeding. “D-Don't stop, m-make m-me a bloody m-mess!” She says whimpering once again. I oblige like a good fucker, my hands goes for her mouth leaving her boobs as her fuck chant is distracting.

Mmph mph maphm mm mmph mphm mhp

Her eyes are turning upward with every thrust, like that hentai expression from before. I let her mouth go, her tongue comes out lolling. Her boobs are bouncing around, her ass hole clenching around me.

Aaah aah ah aaah aaaaaah ah ah ahhh ah

My dick is now sliding easily as her holes have gotten lose and blood is acting like lube. I spit on her open mouth and face. I can't stop the urge to disgrace her further. She doesn't mind, her ahegao face shows the masochist pleasure she has drunk herself in. Eventually she stops making any sound, I look at her face and her eyes have completely gone white, tongue still out. She has lost sense from overwhelming pleasure and pain.

I have sodomized the best Kpop booty bloody and senseless with her consent, for free. If this is not the greatest achievement in my life then what is! This realization kicks me over the edge as my balls clench and I cum for the 2nd time, bloodpie her ass. I pull out, our combined bloody pink fluid making its way out of her gaped asshole, literally bloodpied her booty.

It would be unwise to fuck her senseless body, I don't want to do it without consent. But my dick is bloody and it is customery to clean the cock sucking it. Her lolling tongue and gaped mouth is too inviting to resist. So I put my dick in her mouthpussy and use her head like a fleshlight for good five minutes before cumming one more time, giving her a good taste of her ass, blood and my healthy cum. Though my seed have thinned out, but still it would be tasty for her. “CAUSE SHE IS HELLA SEXY!”

I mouth her famous line while dressing myself, her naked body lying on floor. I step outside the room, their manager was waiting outside. “Is she satisfied?” “Ah-h yeah, I did as she asked for. Though I think I did it a little too much, she is senseless now. And bleeding a little…….” “That's not an issue. They love it senseless….... and bloody.” He smirks and open the next door for me to get a peek.

It's like a scene out of a butcher shop. Karina sprawled on floor, all of her holes and body filled with cum. Her pussy and ass are bleeding, she is senseless too. Her head sideways, vomit have made their way out and pooled on floor. I can see her peeing herself, her pelvic muscle have given up. What a nasty idol she is!

Ningning is tied like a small gift box, her fucked and creampied body is on the makeup counter. They used her like that, a toy and left. There is a ball gag in her mouth, that is why I didn't hear her scream. Her eyes upturned too, foaming around her gags. Did she let them do all of these with consent? Crazy bitch!

Winter is sitting leaning against the wall in a corner, her tiny belly is bulged like a preggo. They used markers and have written all sorts of things on her body. Cumdump, onahole, pissdrunk, bitchjeong and whatnot. They used her mouth like a urinal and left her there. Her eyes half open, a satisfied smile on her face. Consent to be a urinal is just.....

“They wanted to let off some steam, so we arranged it so they can enjoy after the promotion for this comeback. Thanks for your service!” “It was my pleasure, kekeke!” I reply and turn back.

“I hope you will come when we call you next time.” “For real? Anytime!” No way I got invited for another fuck. Yahoo!

The End 🖕

Notice: Haters made two of my account banned. But they can't stop a dedicated aespa smut writer. I hade 750 followers, I want you to hop back my train. Stay safe, stay horny!

[satorusugurugurl]

The Leisure Streamer is a Hottie (Chapter Two)

Summary: Rumor had it the top donor of the-strongest-streamers chats get to see him naked! Now that you're the top donor will you get to see the goods or was it just a rumor. Time will tell.

Pairing: Streamer!Gojo x FAB!Reader

Warnings: language, suggestiveness, fluff

A/N: Part two of the highly requested LSIH!! This will probably be a four part series, maybe five IDK yet!! 💚💚💚

Part One Part Three Part Four

Voices were muffled as someone gently tapped your cheek. Nausea swirled in your stomach as you felt your eyes and eyebrows twitch as you stirred. “Hey! Come on! Wake up!” Suguru? Your new boss was calling your name.

“She saw Gojo’s face; I would pass out too if I had to see his pasty ass.”

“Fuck you, Sukuna.” Satoru snapped as you slowly opened your eyes. “Hey! Good morning!”

As you turned your head towards Gojo’s voice, you blinked slowly, making out his shape. He was standing at the edge of the couch, grinning as he elevated your legs up. Seeing him like that had your face turning red as you glanced around. Having your favorite streamer elevate your legs was the least embarrassing thing that has happened thus far.

Suguru was crotched next to you, and the whole damn shop's employees circled the couch you were lying down on, watching you.

“Yuuji, go grab her a glass of juice.” Geto stands up as Gojo lowers your feet, resting them on the cushions. “Megumi, Nobara, can you make her a sandwich to go with it?”

“On it, boss!”

The trio heads to the kitchen as Gojo hurries to your side, helping you slowly sit up. “I am so sorry.” You utter out, looking up at the six-three man who smiles, bangs falling in his face.

“Please don't apologize; I'm glad I was there to catch you.” He glanced at his phone, grinning wide. “Sorry, I need to take this call, Satoru—” bright blue eyes leave your face for a second, “make sure she eats and drinks the food; it’ll help with nausea.”

“Yes, sir! Have fun on your date!”

“It's not a date! It's just an employee and her boss going out for lunch!”

“Date!”

Suguru flipped Satoru off as he hurried to the back with the other employees. He was leaving you all alone with your favorite streamer in person. The same person you had masturbated with the night before.

“One sandwich and a glass of juice!” Yuuji grinned, handing you a plate.

“Thanks, Yuuji,” Satoru grinned, waving him off before turning his head to you. “You heard Mama-Geto, eat. Then we could talk.”

At least your favorite streamer allowed you to eat your food before talking to you. If you weren’t sitting on the couch and didn’t have some sugar coursing through your veins, you might have passed out for a second time. You were lucky that you didn’t pass out for a second time. You sat there in silence, eating the delicious sandwich that was provided to you by your new boss.

Once Gojo sees that your plate is spotless, crumbs and all he turns to smile at you. He’s so much cuter in person. Which you thought was impossible, seeing that he looked like a freaking God on his live streams. Especially last night when he was stroking his co—.

“Feel better?” Gojo interrupts your reminiscing of the night prior. The way you jump doesn’t go unnoticed. “Easy there, sweetheart. I’m not gonna bite.” He cocks a pristine white eyebrow at you. “That is unless you asked me to. Then I would be happy to bite you.”

“Oh my gosh.” The way you giggle makes Gojo smile wide. Last night, he was speechless when he first saw your face, not the adorable mochi avatar you designed. You were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his entire life. For you to get flustered over him had him swelling with pride.

The stranger you had shared an intimate moment with via WebCam the night before stood up and sat beside you. “Are you feeling okay?” for the first time since you came, there was concern in his eyes.

“I’m fine, I promise. I was just shocked to see you. Who would’ve guessed that we lived in the same town.”

“The world is a small place.”

“It most definitely is.”

Satoru beamed, holding his hand out to you. “Gojo Satoru, it’s nice to meet you!” You smiled wide, grabbing his hand and shaking it, and as your fingers brushed against his, you swear it felt like electricity passed through your fingertips. The sensation was both alarming and comforting at the same time. A strange new sensation that you welcomed.

“So you’re telling me your name isn’t The-strongest-steamer? What a rip-off.”

“Oh! So sorry, mochigurl89! So tell me, do you prefer to go by ‘mochi’ or ‘gurl’?”

“Neither.” In between giggles, you tell him your name; upon hearing it, he gasps dramatically, placing his hand over his heart.

“And here I thought I hit the jackpot! The daughter of some mochi tycoon! I was having dreams about diving into a pool full of mochi.”

“Damn, you must really like mochi.”

Satoru nods his head, “Kikufuku is my favorite! I love the Zunda and cream-flavored ones.” He licked his lips at the mention of his favorite sweet treat.

“Really? I've never tried that kind. Do you know of any cafés that sell it here in Tokyo?”

“It’s a Sendai specialty.”

“Oh, I'll have to try it if I’m ever out there.”

“Hell yeah, are you bus—”

“Gojo!!”

Your favorite streamer stiffened his head, lurching forward as the front door to the coffee shop flung open. Just as he was slowly sinking to the ground, you turned to the source of the voice. A man with blonde hair, neatly brushed, wearing a blue button-down shirt and a cream-colored suit jacket, walked inside. Honey-Brown eyes scanned the area before landing on you.

“Oh, apologies,” The man fixed his yellow and black spotted tie before heading further into the shop, “Geto informed me that Gojo had finally made his way out of his dungeon, but I guess he’s crawled his gremlin ass back down there.”

“Uhhh—”

The man was about to turn and head towards the basement when he heard the floorboards creek under Gojo’s weight as he tried to lay underneath the couch. You weren’t sure how to react or what to do in a situation like this. So you just let it play out, your eyes focused on Gojo’s feeble attempt to hide himself before darting back to the blonde man storming towards the couch.

Satoru’s attempts to hide him under the smallest space of the couch were rendered useless as he saw the stranger's shadow stretch out on the floor below him. With a nervous laugh, he turned to look up at the man who was glaring down at him as the blonde man’s eyebrow twitched.

“N-Nanamin!”

“Do not call me that! What do you think you’re doing? Why have you been ignoring my calls?”

Gojo grumbled before rolling back to try to hide himself underneath the couch. “Because you're gonna lecture me.” Nanamin, which obviously wasn’t his real name from the way he reacted, stepped around the sofa and gently hooked his foot around Satoru’s leg jerking him away from the couch.

“Damn right, I’m going to lecture you! That is my job as your PR manager!”

So, the mysterious man was Gojo’s PR manager. He was typically responsible for handling all sorts of business deals and sponsorships and finding indie games for Gojo to play. You had heard on the Discord servers that his PR manager was amazing. Not only did he make Gojo look amazingly good online, but he also helped pick out games that had blown up because of Gojo. Thus benefiting both the Satoru’s channel and the game designer.

People often praised Gojo for his honest reviews and his support of small creators. It's all because behind every good drama-free streamer was a good PR manager. And from how popular and drama-free Gojo’s channel usually was, the tall man standing before you had much to do with that. You also had heard through the grapevine that being a PR manager was a hassle, and there is no doubt that was true, too, because Gojo’s PR manager looked like he was about ready to commit a federal crime.

“You promised me that you would consider going to San Diego Comic-Con! Mind telling me why I just got an email from the guest board stating that they were sorry that you had declined their offer?!”

“I thought about it and decided I didn’t wanna go. Simple as that, Nanamin!”

“You need to go out there and meet your fans face-to-face. You'll start losing followers if you don’t contribute more to your public appearance.” Satoru pouted like a child, grumbling about Nanamin not being his dad. “You know that I’m right.”

Satoru sat up, groaning as he motioned to himself. “Nanami, what am I supposed to do? Go out on a stage half-naked in my sunglasses?! My followers don’t follow me for the games; as charming as I may be, they follow me because they like watching a half-naked man play leisure games!” The mysterious Nanami released an exasperated groan, rubbing his hands through his hair.

“This is why I keep telling you to do more streams, fully clothed!”

“Again, my followers prefer it when I’m half naked.” Cerulean eyes landed on you as Satoru pushed himself off the ground. “Isn't that right, sweetheart?”

Finally, noticing your presence again, Nanami’s eyes snapped in your direction as Gojo addressed you. For a long second, it looked like he was trying to put together what to say. Before a single syllable could leave his lips, Gojo had his arm draped over his shoulder, pulling him close to his side. The blonde man huffs out a sigh before his shoulders, relaxing the tension leaving his muscles.

“I-I mean, you being half naked is a perk to watching your streams. And I’m just speaking for myself here, but I enjoy watching your reactions and reviews more than looking at your chest.”

Nanami perked up at the bluntness of your words, which left Gojo in shock. “See, perfect example, your fans don’t just see you as eye candy; people watch you because you’re funny, you make your streams enjoyable, and you’re always giving back to the community that has welcomed you so lovingly.” you

For just a second, you thought that maybe Gojo was listening to Nanami, but when he shrugged his shoulders, giving a little ‘eh’ in response, Nanami threw his hands in the air before dropping them to his sides. There was something almost comical, watching them interact with each other; they got under each other's skin. It was quite the dynamic.

“I give up on you; I’m going to put my notice in one of these days because of the headache you constantly leave me with.”

“You would never in a million years, put your never give me your notice.”

“Wanna bet?”

The threat had Satoru sitting up straight, dizzy, cleared his throat, “I’m going to pretend that it didn’t happen, and I’m gonna introduce you to my top donor from last night.” A look of panic plastered over Nanami’s face as he examined you like you were some crazed stalker. “N-No! Look, Suguru needed an artist to help design a new logo for the café! Mochigurl89 just happened to be applying for the job without me knowing.”

“It's true; I am not a stalker.” You held your hand out to Nanami, who took it without hesitation. After introducing yourself, you bowed at the waist. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Nanami Kento, the pleasure is all mine.” His gaze focused back on Satoru. “Now, enough with the distractions, we have work to do. We have to retract the statement you gave to the Comic-Con committee. We must review new trends and games I found for you to play. It’s going to be a hectic day, so I hope you’re ready.”

Being a streamer seemed like a busy job. You were eager to have your meet and greet, but it seemed like Satoru’s day was booked. Since you would be working at the cafe, you could schedule your meet and greet for another day. You pushed yourself off the couch, grabbing your saddlebag off the ground and putting it over your shoulder. Seeing you get up, Gojo’s face fell as he rushed after you, holding your wrist and stopping you in your tracks.

“Wait, please don't go! I owe you a meet and greet!”

“No, it's okay! We can rain check for next time. Nanami seems to have a long day planned for you, and I don’t wanna interrupt that.”

Satoru grumbled, shooting a glare in the direction of his PR manager. For a moment, you could almost hear the wheels turning in his head before his pout transformed into a mischievous smirk. Satoru took several steps before draping his arm over Nanami’s shoulder, pulling him tight against his body. Sensing something was at play, Nanami lowered at his client, eyeing him up and down, waiting to hear whatever excuse came out of his mouth.

“Ya’ know, I thought you said my fans are my biggest priority.”

Nanami pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling through his mouth. “They are a big part of your career, but you can’t just get away with talking and meeting your fans. There is more to this, and you know that.” You shifted again, eyes darting from the exit back to the two men standing in the middle of the coffee shop. It didn’t feel like a conversation you should be involved in, but Satoru had stopped you from leaving. So it wouldn’t hurt to stick around and see what he had planned.

“Right, yes.” Satoru cleared his throat, eyes darting towards the counter of the shop. “You’re so right, Nanami Kento! What would I do without such a great PR manager? Nanami Kento is the best!!”

You were about to ask why he was yelling his name when you watched Nanami’s pale cheeks flush as he glanced toward the counter. “Nanamin!!” Yuuji and another boy practically threw themselves over the counter, rushing toward the taller man. “Nanamin! Hi!” Yuuji’s eyes glittered and gleamed, and he held his fist up in front of him. “Could you show me some new moves the next time we’re at the dojo together?! I practically mastered the ones you showed me before!” another boy wearing a beanie dug through his backpack, holding out a laminated folder towards the older man.

“Ino, what’s th—”

“A report on some of the newest trends! I also compiled a list of games I think would be great for Gojo’s channel! I could help you!”

The two young men crowded Nanami with a big grin, stars practically twinkling in their eyes. Not once did the PR manager look uncomfortable. In fact, he almost looked like he was happy to have two young men interested in conversing with him. You could’ve stood there all day and listened to their enthusiastic chatter, but Satoru grabbed your wrist and yanked you out of the coffee shop while Nanani was distracted by his two pupils.

Gojo was laughing as he looked over his shoulder at you, pulling you closer to him as he ran faster. “Come on! We got a train to catch!” A train? Why in the world did you both have a train to catch? When he said he owed you a meet and greet, you figured you’d probably do it in the comfort of the coffee shop.

“W-Where are we going!?” you laughed aloud as you followed him down the street towards the train station.

An hour and a half later, you got your answer as Satoru placed a bag in front of you. “Kikufuku! Sendai’s specialty and my absolute favorite sweet treat!” He opened the bag and pulled out a small box, placing it in front of you. “Go on! Try one!” You weren’t sure where Gojo was looking, looking through his dark sunglasses and the black mask covering his face so he wasn’t recognized in public. But as he sat in front of you, motioning to the box, you could feel his stare.

You opened the box without hesitation and pulled out one of the emojis that had brought you to Sendai on your spontaneous day trip because Gojo wanted you to try his favorite mochi. You pulled the rice cake out of its wrapper before biting it. It was chewy and soft; the flavor was sweet but earthy simultaneously, a perfect balance to the sweetness. But the whipped cream in the middle had tilted your head back in near orgasmic pleasure. Satoru wasn’t kidding when he said this was his favorite treat. Because honestly, he might have you hooked on it now.

“Oh my god, it’s so good!”

“Right!” Satoru asked, yanking down his mask and placing it on the table's surface, allowing him to eat one of the mochi balls freely. “I’m telling you, it’s the whipped cream in the middle!”

“M-Mmmhmm! It is!”

You both sat there munching on mochi while sipping on your Boba, which you had insisted on buying despite Gojo’s protests. He had been kind enough to buy you a ticket and bring you to Sendai for mochi because of a spur-of-the-moment decision. Who knew your tiny, cute little avatar would end up being the reason you got to go out with your favorite streamer? This was a dream come true, and if it really was a dream, you didn’t want wake up.

Not even twenty-four hours ago, he was a stranger to you, and now you were sitting across from him at a table at a shopping center. You were laughing and talking like you had known each other for years. You guys had just so much in common. The game shows you watched, to a similar taste and sweets. It felt like the meet and greet/day trip with some of the most fun you had had in years. There seemed to be a spark between you two, and it wasn’t because you had lost composure and had masturbated with each other the night before. There was more to it than that.

“Oh my god, that was so good, it hit the spot! And it will be well worth facing Nanami’s rage later.”

Sipping on your boba, you slowly leaned forward, getting closer to Gojo's face. “Is he gonna be mad about you playing hooky with me?” Satoru snorted out a laugh, toying with his face mask.

“Sweetheart, if anyone were going to get in trouble for playing hooky, it would be me. And honestly, it’s not the first time this has happened, and it definitely will be the last.”

“Oh, so do you take all your meet and greets to Sendai for mochi?”

“No, just the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Someone who has stolen my breath away and has been on my mind since we signed off our call last night.” You looked away momentarily with burning cheeks before slowly glancing back toward Satoru. “I’m being serious. I cannot stop thinking about last night.”

Last night was one of the most unforgettable nights of your life. You were used to having okay days or bad days ever since your ex broke up with you. Since then, you have felt stuck in the never-ending cycle of mundane days. You were going to school, working on commissions, and watching your favorite streamers in your free time. Two great back-to-back days felt weird, but you gladly welcomed the change.

“I can't stop thinking about it either.”

“I’m going to be truthfully honest with you. I have never done anything like that in my entire career, let alone my entire life.”

“That makes two of us then.”

“Would it be awkward if I said I wanted this meet and greet to be more like a first date?”

Satoru’s words had you inhaling sharply, mid-suck on your boba. So ungracefully, you choked on the tapioca balls, sending milk tea spurting out of your nose as you coughed roughly. Satoru stared at you for a long minute, cerulean eyes going wide before he clamped his hand over his mouth. While you tried to find a shred of dignity, the white-haired man in front of you shook, his face red.

“Don’t. You. Dare.” You warned as Satoru’s face turned redder. Despite your warning, Satoru threw his head back, roaring with laughter. He smacked his hand against the table while tears flooded his eyes.

Being mad at him for laughing at your pain was hard when he looked so pretty. There was only one other thing for you to do. You laughed with him. With your laughter joining his, Satoru laughed harder, leaning his head forward, white locks hiding his face while you wiped up your mess with a napkin.

“Oh my god, oh fuck! I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time!”

“Yeah? I’m glad my suffering could entertain you.” You teased, winning a wide grin in return.

“I was going to say something inappropriate, but I don’t wanna ruin the moment.”

Already having an idea of what he would say. “First date and I’m choking on balls?” The only sound of laughter is your own. Feeling as though you made it awkward, you give him an apologetic smile, only to see the flushed cheeks and gentle grin Satoru is giving you.

“So it is a date?”

“I-I guess it is, yes.”

“Would you be uncomfortable if we take this back to my place?”

Darting your tongue out you lick the sweet traces of milk tea up. “Ooor~ there’s a love hotel just down the road.” Satoru’s eyes widened as he stood up packing the bag before grabbing your hand.

“Let’s go!” Both of you hurried out of the shopping center, completely unaware that Gojo’s mask was left behind.

LSIAH Tag List (AGE MUST BE IN BIO):

@witchbybirth @zoeyflower @missmuffinr @kalulakunundrum

Forever Tag List:

@darkstarlight82 @pandoness @nealeart @simp-plague @sugurubabe @chilichopsticks

[decodedlvr]

~ never did this before | virgin!Eddie Munson x virgin! Thick!Fem Reader \\ modern au

This story is based off the song Wet Dreamz by Jcole **recommend listening to it first to understand the story// can be perceived/read regardless if you are a poc; as I am mixed ♡ [descriptions of reader having tan skin and brown eyes; so it meets in the middle if you are a poc or not]

• Summary: after weeks of flirting and crushing on each other, you finally pop a serious question into your bestfriend Eddie’s head, and he has a hard time providing you with an honest answer // this is more like a rom com

• Warnings: MDNI; smut (not too explicitly) fluff, both kinda experienced? soft Eddie, cocky Eddie, sassy reader, brief mentions of smoking and drinking, he’s a little bit of a perv, masturbation, 69, protected piv, premature ejaculation, heavy petting, grinding, confessions, slight insecure thoughts? (both are 18+) word count :3.4k //sry 4 errors

Eddie’s Pov

Calculus. The last class of the day. My favorite class overall.

There she sat, giggling on her phone, showing me silly photos she took of her dog Skittle, the sun shining just right on her honey toned tanned skin, hair laying just as perfect as ever in that simple, claw clip. Curls and wavy bangs sectioned to shape her face, brown eyes that matched mine and oh those glossy lips..

I wanna kiss you so fucking bad baby.

Her outfit of the day, that new pink and black checkered shirt she got at the mall that I drove her to.

It’s so tight on you sweetheart, your tits look beautiful today.

White Reeboks as I have, but very much cleaner…

Those 100% perfectly stretchy, acid wash jeans you wear every week that fit your ass so fucking bad.. fuck don’t bend over.. don’t—

“Eddie? what’s wrong with you?”

Fuck— didn’t realize the moan that I slipped out when she dropped her phone, she cracked it..but all I could focus on were the back of her thighs when she bent over

“Sorry uh- I think I’m just sore from carrying those amps last night”, he says now rubbing his not sore bicep with a pout

Lie.

“Oh babe I’m sorry, come by later and I can rub it out for you” she replies

Why the fuck would you say that to me right now—

“Oh yeah? You’d just love to get your hands on me always huh sweetheart? ” leaning back in my seat, with a cocky smile

You blush and shove my arm playfully “you’re so stupid, you know what I meant”

——

She’s been like this for the past month, after Harringtons party. Smoking and drinking under that patio umbrella, away from everyone else. Laughing, holding on to each other for dear life. I tell her jokes, she ugly laughs. I love her laugh, it’s not fake it’s genuine like her.

We met at the drink table, both preferring whiskey over the red shit they put out.

We talked about our intrests, I was very suprised and impressed with how she carried herself. How she talked about herself. How she sat comfortably on my lap; as if we knew each other for forever.

Obviously her thick hips in that royal blue, tacky dress she wore caught my attention first

It takes a certain kinda person to make me laugh but she.. she was probably the most funniest and beautiful fucking girl I’ve never seen. A few beauty marks as she would call it, scattered down her neck and arms. Eyelashes so dark she could always pass on the mascara, the sweet charm and sass she had to her.. she was something different.

She was fresh to town and it was relief to meet someone new. Similar childhood experiences, divorced parents but her dad stopped reaching out to them. Her mom was just a bitch to her. Very narcissistic person but, she had her kind moments. She definitely wasn’t the worse mother I’ve ever heard of.

All of that lead to a heavy make out session in the bathroom.

Sitting at the edge of the toilet, her scratching the back of my head with those sharp coffin shaped nails, me squeezing the fat of her ass on my lap. Hell, I was surprised how into this she was.. considering I’ve only kissed two girls in my life.

Sure I’ve watched my fair share of porn, visited sex stores, took a few notes; even got a handy under the bleachers last year from Carol. She forgot to pay for the weed I gave her, she offered, why not.

“Oh yeah, what’s your name again?” I ask kissing down her neck

“Y/N, but you can call me anything you want right now” she whimpers at the feeling of me nipping her throat

-“fuck you’re a r-really good kisser”

“-could say the same about you sweetheart” feeling the roll of her heat over my already strained dick.

I wonder how many guys she’s done this with

“Sorry, I don’t usually do this but, there’s just something so sexy about you”—

Biggest fucking ego boot ever.

“Fuck baby, if you keep talkin to me like that I’m gonna bust”

“Awe, am I making you feel some typa way Eddie?” She smirks looking down at me

“You know you are”

—

Unfortunately that ended quicker than it started, Robin got too hungover and needed our space.

She told me her classes and we exchanged numbers.

After that we talked everyday on FaceTime after getting home from school. I show her a new guitar riff and she shows me the new necklaces or shirts she ordered.

Sometimes she’d forget she was on camera and changed out of her bra a few times.

Hey, couldn’t help but to look come on, I am just a man

I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve fucked myself to that imagine every morning.. and evening and night..

Slept on the phone together, hung out at lunch together.

I only ever seen her at lunch other than at the end of the day in Mrs. Wilson’s calculus class. Bringing us back to now

——

“Mr. Munson are you done chatting now?” Wilson knocks me out of my trance

“Sorry bout that, yes ma’am” giving her a thumbs up sitting back up straight as she rolls her eyes subtly.

You slide me note. Folded up, in blue highlighted letters

You ever have sex before? Circle Yes or No ♡

fuck—we never even discuss stuff like that! how haven’t we? Don’t embarrass yourself man

Course I have, why? what’s got you so curious? ;)

I watch her look away quickly, gulping when she covers the paper to respond back

Well.. you’re cute and shit & was wondering if you wanna come over friday..? My parents have been gone all week and..we can hang or do whatever.. ♡

Did she wanna fuck? I hope so —wait you’re a virgin idiot, wait is she? probably not

I’m already there babe ;)

I reply with an easy smile, hiding the fact I’m in a state of panic

Good.. and uh bring those handcuffs on your wall too.. ♡

No way she’s a virgin talking like that

She rushes outta the classroom at the bell, turning back with a wink

Holy shit I gotta talk to Harrington.

“-and that’s what I’m saying dude, just sweet talk her, treat her like a princess, rub her in all the right places”—

“Okay but what ARE those places? I know her like tits and shit.. and well under her panties but what does it feel like? Ya know putting in it? What if I cum too fast and she laughs or runs away and never talks to me again..”—

I’ve been pacing back in forth in Family Video, loud where all the customers could hear. Definitely loud enough for Robin to upchuck her lunch

“No Eddie- just, come back here— Rob? watch the front please?” Steve grabs me by the shoulder making a bee line to the stock room

Sitting on the empty table still trying to gather my thoughts of Steve’s advice. “Well?” I rush out

“Damn man let me sit down first” he scoffs pulling a chair over to me

“Alright, you wanna know what inside a vagina feels like right?”

“Jesus, can you just say pussy or some shit”

“Same thing” he glared

“Okay well it’s not really sexy to just say vagina-

-“god Eddie, do you wanna know or not?” I can tell I’m testing his patience, I shut my lips, nodding eagerly

“Okay, so It’s like this- well like wet and really, really warm, almost like hot bath around your dick or a tight hug”—

“Wow, a hot bath thanks for the analogy Steve, I’ll make sure to take one when I get home”

He deadpans at me. “You asked me and I’m telling you, it’s hard to really explain other than a tight, wet warm hug. Oh!” he snaps his finger”-and sometimes it’ll tighten around your cock when she’s about to cum and holy shit dude— you better hold your load because the first time I had sex, it lasted about 10 seconds” My eyes widen

“WHAT!?” I shout before him shushing me “King Steve was a minute man?”— I joke

“Hey I said at first, when you get used to having sex your stamina gets better and for me personally”— he leans in “I can last approximately 45 minutes and 27 seconds” he sits back proudly

Cocky bastard.

Shit.

How long will I last? Will jerking off more boost my stamina?

——

Since that afternoon I did as much research as a I could, making a DIY sponge fleshlight.

That was a fail, got carpet burn.

Even bought condoms from the corner store, didnt know what size i was so, i grabbed all 4 boxes

Practicing my stroke game, using my pillow as a hole.

Down. Glide. Up. Down. Guide up.

Ow, fuck, cramp, cramp

This shits hard. My back hurts.

Throwing away the 8th used condom of the day, tossing myself in my desk chair, forehead sweaty, wrists throbbing; hearing my phone go off

FaceTime from Crush🖤

“Ah, fuck”— grabbing a shirt, wiping off the excess sweat off my skin, putting my pants back on, setting the phone up on my night stand, grabbing the guitar quickly setting it on my lap— “Hey! Sweetheart, what’s up, what are you up to?”

“I could ask you the same thing why is your face so red?” She asks giggling, laying on her tummy, tits spilling out , kicking her socked feet from behind

“Just took a hot shower is all”

“But your hairs not wet?” you give me a suspicious look, “Oh yeah, I just tied it up..sooo still want me over tomorrow?”

“Hell yeah! I picked up cookie dough the edible kind because I know you like that anddddd”- she reaches over her phone to grab something—“I rented whole stab franchise for a throwback”- showing me her laptop screen

“Well, that sounds like a party to me”

“You got that right..” She replies, biting her lip as if I didn’t notice,- “Anywaysss, just calling to remind you, see you tomorrow im tired, goodnight dummy *mwah*

She always ends our calls with a kiss on screen

Fuck I’m hard again

“Can’t wait sweetheart, sweet dreams” ending the call, looking down at my bulge

Welp, gotta jerk off again

Friday. THE day I might lose my virginity to the sexiest girl in school. My best friend.

I wake up earlier than usual, do my morning ritual, a joint. My nerves making me shower twice.

Should I shave?

Would she care?

A little trim wouldn’t hurt

May or may have not nicked my balls. Not too bad, maybe she won’t notice. Finding my nicest pair of jet black jeans I own, I only wear ‘em for special occasions and a wife beater? Nah that’s too much right? A flannel would help. Yeah. Definitely.

Hey I look kinda good, checking myself out in the mirror

Alright, wallet, keys, condoms, I glance over at the cuffs on the wall. Can’t forget those, stuffing them in my back pocket

—

My palms are sweaty, fuck even my ass is sweating.. 3 cigarettes already in, on my way to her house; of course I have a bad fucking hair day today, so I just opted for a low bun.

Before I could even knock, you open the door my jaw already on the floor

“Hi dummy!” You jump giving me a hug, pulling me inside.

What the hell is she wearing

A transparent green knitted, cropped sweater

is that her nipple I see? Those goddamn Nike shorts are doing her a favor—“Someone’s excited to see me?” Kicking off my shoes

“I’m always excited to see you.. also nice hair”

and neck goddamn, what is hell is he wearing you think, already feeling horny from the sight of my neck being so exposed

those jeans are doing his fine ass a favor

fuck I’m wet already

“Come on, already got it all set up for us”

“Lead the way princess” following behind you

I need to bite those fuckin legs.

——

We always sit like this on movie nights. Me against your headboard, back against my chest. I don’t remember how it started but I love it.

“Didn’t David Arquette also play in Spree?”

I squint back at the tv, “Uh yeah yeah he did, he was Kurt’s dad I think”

She replies with a mouthful “omyeah”

My hands have been holding both sides of her hips the whole time, occasionally rubbing them with my thumbs; every time I do it your breath picks up

Something else is about to be up—

“Huh?”

“Did you even hear me? You’ve been zoning out a lot recently”, you say sitting crisscross

“Something on your mind Ed’s?”

Gulp

“No no just— “ sigh

“Yeah, you. You’ve been on my mind.”

She smiles looking down, cocking her head to the side

“Oh yeah? Been thinking about me have you?” She grins

“You have no idea. ”

My breath hitches when you straddle me

Fuck me

“Wanna tell me these thoughts you’ve been having?” she asks twirling a piece of my bang

Remember what Steve said, sweet talk her

“Why don’t I just show you pretty girl”

Her smirk instantly falls, cheeks crimson “shit.. okay”

Running my hand up your thighs firmly, wrapping my arm around your lower back, my free hand pulling your face closer into my lips. “Like that baby?”

Who the fuck are you she thinks

“Fuck, yeah kiss me again”, I stare blankly until my eyes turn to pure lust, pushing her down to her back climbing on top to ease my tongue back into her mouth, my hips grinding into yours, hearing you whimper…

You’d think that’d make me harder but it’s when you grind back into me that did it

“You’re so beautiful you know that baby?.. fuck been missing these lips for weeks..”

“Shit, me too, been needing you so close to my body recently it’s been killin me,” she whines, rubbing her hands down my chest

—“that’s why I asked you to come over, could tell you were feeling me too”

You’re right about that, I mumble sucking your neck,

I’ve practiced giving myself hickies on my arms freshmen year.

Eddie, score

“That tank top Eddie.. t-take off the flannel let me see you? Please?” You ask giving me doe eyes. I sit up eagerly throwing it about, she sits up on her elbows, throwing off her sweater

The goddamn groan I let out

Jesus Christ

You lie back down bashfully covering yourself

A whore being shy huh?

“Whattt? She asks feeling self conscious,

“You’re..fuck.. just let me get a closer look please?” I plead, you nod shyly

Squeezing your breasts hard in my palm, licking my lips, nipping them, kissing them, hearing you gasp “holy shit -

“What??”

I do it again, in combination with my tongue, She doesn’t stop me she moans, making me feel bolder, “ Lemme take these off?” My thumbs already ready to yank your shorts down

You don’t answer

“Hey, it’s just me you know you’re beautiful to me, right?”

“Yes..you can take em off” she whispers

Thinking it’d be hot to yank them down quick like those sex movies

I try it..

“Ow! Fuck what the hell?” She jerks

I didn’t know she had the goddamn drawstring tied. , “Ow..you pout rubbing your hip, “Shit I’m sorry! I’m sorry”

I’m already fucking up, “It’s okay.. it’s just tied” she says undoing them pulling them off herself, holding her hands in her lap

I lean down to kiss both hips as an apology, looking up at you slowly undoing your hands

Cute little hair she has

“Can I um..”

She looks down at me gaining back her confidence, “You wanna eat me don’t you?” My eyes widen, gripping her side, “Yesss.. really bad” but I don’t know how to —

“Can I see you too?” again with that lip bite

“Of course” okay.. here goes nothing whispering to myself , yanking my jeans and all down in one swift motion, staring at the spot on the ceiling

You scoff with the sour look, “Oh my god”

WHAT WHAT WHAT

“You’re packing Eddie”

“Oh..thank fuck, really? I wouldn’t say that but..” I sit back in front of her

“Can I touch it?” You ask still staring at my cock

-..But I wanna taste you.. what if we..you lay on me but backwards..? Like 69?” I recommend

She nods eagerly, nervously but very excited, “Okay.. just don’t look at my asshole.. there’s a spot on it that looks like I didn’t wipe but it’s not what you think! It’s a freckle..”, I chuckle, rubbing your cheek nodding

Laying down flat, you swing your legs over my face

Oh god fuck, “Such a pretty pussy” i mumble

Suck a pretty cock you think

You’re both horny as fuck, both licking on each other immediately —“Jesus fuck!” I shout, hearing and feeling you choke on my dick

“Y/n, y-you done this before?”

“Yeah—“

Damnit.

-“But it was with a guy at my old school, said I was the best head he ever had” , you say rubbing my balls

Hot.

Okay Eddie do what feels right

so that’s the clit? how cute

Bringing my lips around your nub, licking you, tasting you, “Oh god why do you taste so good, you smell so..sweet?”

“Was that a question?” You ask popping my dick outta your mouth

“No, no just the sweetest pussy I’ve never tasted”-

the only pussy I’ve ever tasted

I’ve never smelt anything like this, I think I’m addicted

Flicking my tongue a few time feeling you react in a high pitched moan, sucking and massaging it lightly, my eyes flutter spotting your ass hole winking at me

“Holy shit” she’s pretty everywhere

“What?”

“You have such a pretty ass” blurting out

“Eddie! I told you not to look!” She whines trying to climb off, “Shut up I do what I want”saying firmly, pulling you back down by your thighs; sticking my pointer finger in your cunt,

so that’s the squeeze Steve was talking about

“Ohmyg— fuckk yes please” she vibrates around me, a guttural moan purging from my throat, curling my finger like they said —

“Oh! Fuck yes keep doing that Eddie baby please”—

“I am, I am baby you just suck my dick”—

Holy shit who am I—

“-Eddie I think I’m gonna cum yep, I’m gonna cum..”—

“Wait really?”

“Yes!”

“Really?” Asking again “YES EDDIE SHUT UP AND KEEP GOING, FUCK”—

Thrusting faster, licking faster I feel your wetness roll down and down into my mouth instantly making me cum in yours

“Fuck baby like that, fuck did you..just swallow?—“ I ask but you proceed to keep sucking-“OKAY OKAY, stop, s-shit!”

Pleading trying to stop you from overstimulating me further, “Shit.. sweetheart, that dude was right, that was the best head I’ve ever got”

The only head I’ve ever got

She lays back down beside me with a large grin,” Was that your first time getting head? You came so fast for me”

Lie.

Not replying I get up, finding the condom in my Jean pocket, “What’re ya doing?” You ask with a questioned expression, “Condom?” I hold up “Oh, oh yeah yeah right duh”—

Fuck I forgot with which way it goes on— got it

Turning back to you, cock still hard, nudging your core

You give me a small smile, watching me hesitantly about to slip my tip in

“Wait! Wait!”-

“What? Sorry, I didn’t ask”—

“Eddie I need to tell you something..”

“Yeah?”

“I can tell you definitely know what you’re doing but I just.. be gentle because I’ve never done this before..”

never done this before, never done this before

I stare like a deer in headlights, the weight off my shoulders lifted. I laugh sarcastically to myself , “That’s, well.. I should probably tell you I’ve never done it either.. like ima”—

“Virgin too?”

“Yeah, surprise?” feeling embarrassed, “How did I not know that? We tell each other everything” shrugging, “Not sure, but I’m glad you told me before I stuck ya”

“Ew don’t say stuck me weirdo”

“Look, I don’t know what I’m doing at all, I had to ask Steve for advice.. I figured you would know more I mean since you wanted my handcuffs”-, you bite your lip, head shaking

“I said that because, I figured you’d know how to use em”

“There actually just for decoration sweetheart, looked kinda metal”, we laugh in awe with each other , “But here we are..” I say biting the skin on my lip—

“Yeah here we are” you look back up at me, hopeful, “Do you wanna stop?”

“No..do you wanna stop?”

“Nah, been hoping you’d be my first actually”, you blush at my statement pulling me down for a deep kiss , “Let’s do it..”

“..but what if I cum too fast? that would be humiliating”—

- “I understand how it works.. don’t feel bad if you do, I promise I won’t laugh Ed’s” she squeezes my hand lovingly

My heart is erect

I nod, looking over all of you again, spreading your thighs a little wider, “I’ll go slow”

Furrowing my brows in consentration, slipping my tip in, surprisingly not easy mother fuck—

“Holy fuck you’re so-

“Tight? I know I have a hard time fingering my self as is”

“Why would you tell me that at this very second,” I try not to laugh, holding my shit together, “that’s so hot by the way,” bottoming you out, we gasp in sync

“Oh god”-

“What?”

“Holy god”—

“What!?? You alright?” She asks , “I’m about to cum already”—

“I told you, it’s okay”

“I know but that’s so embarrassing”

You clench around me on purpose, suddenly your eyes widen, feeling a warmth from inside, while also hearing me grunt almost in pain above you

Silence.

“Im so sorry fuck,” pulling out, shocked at how full my condom is, “Did you cum?”, she scrunches her nose, “No silly”

“But you squeezed me?”

“Yeah but, I didn’t have an orgasm”

Fucking Steve

-“But Steve said when a girl cums she clenchs around us” explaining further—

“First off, I’m gonna need you to not take advice from Steve and second, I mean according to my girlfriends we do.. it’s like a few squeezes but apparently we really squeeze for a long time when we do cum? Maybe even shake? I’m not sure but I think I’d know when I felt it”

Well shit

He looks like a sad puppy this won’t do you think

“But hey, we can try again right? Don’t be embarrassed if anything it’s kinda hot”

“Really?”

“I mean yeah, I made you cum in under like 1 second, biggest ego boot ever” you lighten the mood, nudging my shoulder smiling at me, pulling me for another kiss, “Don’t ever tell anyone that” holding my forehead to yours

You smirk, holding your pinky up “I promise”, Interlocking mine, noticing your body shifted closer, staring at your lips, “Let me try again Sweetheart” your eyes also on mine, nodding, crawling back to you, chasing your touch, taking each others breath—

Was that a car door??

“Is someone here?”

“Honey we’re home!”

FUCK, not now!!

(again recommend you listen to Wet dreamz by Jcole; it’s a bop)

reblogs appreciated // this was fun. let me know your thoughts? I do realize the smut was kinda rushed? Should there be a part 2? Suggestions? Comments? Feel like I should have kept going for them to restart again but I dunno🤷��‍♀️

[genderqueerdykes]

The anon mentioning not wanting to cut hair is so so so real for that and I’ve been inspired to say something of my own by that ask.

I hate how almost every transmasculine resource always has some kind of heavy emphasis on the joy of cutting your hair short for the first time, especially if it’s talked about like this universal trans man experience that every trans man has, because it immediately has me questioning if I’m even a guy at all or if the community would ever see or accept me as one. Like if I don’t do this rite of passage then I’ll only ever be perceived as a woman or as some level of nonbinary (which both would technically be correct, but only like 10% of the time, the other 80% I am a dude).

Like yes, a lot of transmascs do want to cut their hair short and this is totally fine, but personally I love my long hair. I love putting it in high twin tails with bows and clips and everything else and in fact one day I’d like to have bangs with this as well. I like having it down and unstyled because I have natural curls and length that make me look like a metal band frontman when I do it. It’s been one of the only traits I’ve liked about my physical appearance for ages and it’s so disappointing to see everywhere go “want to be a man? Great! Cut off all of your hair—“ as like their main or only resource for passing or whatever. I get that it’s the easiest and most accessible option for most people. I get that it’s common for men to have short hair in certain cultures. But I don’t like the imperativeness of it. And I don’t like the assumption that everyone can do that or wants to do that and would pass after doing that. Having my hair short is like genuinely a nightmare scenario for me and I don’t like even thinking about it. It literally pushed back my discovering that I was trans seeing “cut your hair” being plastered as the first piece of advice on every website because kid me saw that and went “oh, trans men want that? I don’t want that, well I guess I must just be a woman then, idk why I’m so sad about that though”.

And then this along with this recent tumblr “Time To Pick a Group and Hate on Them” wave (familiar either tumblr’s tendency for this, I was young and seeing reposts on Pinterest about the whole Ace and Aro exclusionist shit, signed a very tired aroace) with the whole “it’s so much easier for transmascs to pass” thing— like it doesn’t help me much that I like wearing dresses and skirts and I’m fairly chubby, really short, and have big boobs. I have literal fucking I cups. 32 I. I don’t know how to exercise properly since I’ve always had trouble doing it whether I just tire super fast or can’t catch my breath, I can’t bind because my boobs are far too large and I have breathing problems, I can’t go get top surgery now or for the foreseeable future cause I’m stuck living with my unsupportive parents, I already dress fairly masc usually with oversized shirts and everything, and I already have a deep voice— none of this helps me pass whatsoever. If I were to chop my hair off it would do absolutely nothing to my 32 fucking I cups that everyone sees regardless of what I do about them. All it would do is make me sad about not having my hair. No it is not easier for me to pass and I’m not suddenly conforming to gender roles and appearance stereotypes now just to do it. Tbh it just makes me want to not pass even more out of spite. (although being out in this current political climate might not be the best idea at the moment so I’m waiting hopefully only about 4 ish years— that is if I leave this house by then, ok anyway—).

Like oh but “all transmascs have to do is put a flannel on and cut their hair” like 1. If I did that I’d look like my grandma and 2. I have been told my whole life I would basically never pass no matter what I do, what are y’all going on about. Like why is everyone’s idea of passing as a man “tall, slim, rectangle shaped, short hair”. Like, I’m not POC, but at a certain point I can’t help but think that this description is often times really white leaning. Like what about cultures that don’t cut their hair, would they never pass as a man for it? Are they being trans wrong? What about people who are kinda predisposed to being short or fat? And why the hell is the idea of what a GNC trans man looks like always a tiny, white, slender twink with maybe at most big thighs? Are you suddenly not a man if you look any other way and wear a skirt? Idk, fuck it, I’m doing whatever I want.

One day, I want to have top surgery and I want to stand outside in the summer with my twin tails shirtless and I just want to enjoy being outside like that. Idk, I just wish it was more accepted to be anything GNC while still being trans and not being the “ideal” and I wish actual resources for trans issues acknowledged that you can still be GNC more often.

Tangentially related, but it’s really helped me out just getting into a game where a lot of the male characters are pretty GNC in dress and stuff. Like my favorite game series rn, Castlevania, has this character, Simon Belmont, and he’s got long hair, he’s built really hourglass shaped and has big hips, and he wears this tiny mini skirt tunic dress all the time and there’s no official canon design of him ever wearing pants and like, man, it just makes me so happy. Especially cause he used to be the main face of the series for a really long time— and also the character that overtook his mascot spot is also a GNC man with super long hair, Alucard. It’s really nice, he’s goals tbh. Good thing I’m anonymous rn because I feel like I’d get torn apart by the fandom for that take lol, but man does it really really help.

Anyway, this is just kinda a stream of consciousness about general experience being a very closeted GNC trans dude idk, sorry if it’s hard to read in any spots. I really hope you’re doing well, I highly appreciate everything you do here. Even the stuff outside of queer issues, I can relate a lot to the gastro and doctor issues too. You elucidate your topics very well and it’s nice to see someone talking about and standing up for people in the community like this. Take care!

i really wanted to thank you for sending this, i really appreciate it. i think this is such an important ask

Like, I’m not POC, but at a certain point I can’t help but think that this description is often times really white leaning. Like what about cultures that don’t cut their hair, would they never pass as a man for it? Are they being trans wrong? What about people who are kinda predisposed to being short or fat? And why the hell is the idea of what a GNC trans man looks like always a tiny, white, slender twink with maybe at most big thighs?

correct, the hair thing is deeply upsetting for a lot of men where their hair is quite literally important to them & their culture. making an indigenous trans man feel obligated to cut their hair in order to pass in white societies is so fucked up. making men feel obligated to cut their hair in general is fucked, but for some men, having long hair is part of their culture and gender. as you pointed out, some trans men are just naturally shorter or taller. none of these things should matter.

in general a trans man should be able to decide how long they want their hair. when i buzzed my hair short for the first time it was so euphoric. but i enjoy having short hair on most of my head because i have psoriasis. it's not because i want short hair. i actually love long hair, which is why i keep sort of a long mullet or tail of sorts because men are allowed to have long hair

thank you so much for sending this, and for the kind words, i really appreciate it! i hope things get safer so you can be out. there's nothing wrong with being a gnc trans guy, i'm one too, and people have gotta stop policing how men look so hard. it's not helping any man when we do this. we are making men neurotic and feel ashamed of themselves if they don't look like a caricature of a lumberjack. it's not right.

[sl-newsie]

American Woman (Thomas Shelby x American OC) Ch. 62: Don't Count On my Sympathy

Masterlist: https://www.tumblr.com/sl-newsie/739551758747090944/american-woman-thomas-shelby-x-american-oc?source=share

I can’t believe I’m doing this. Surely Ada is exaggerating Thomas’ reaction to my coldness. If he’s survived this long on the love of whores and Lizzie then there is no reason for him to act so hurt. 

I’m really doing this. Driving to the home of the man who broke my life. Arrow House is straight ahead, pale against the dim gray morning light. Even after all these years they still kept my Bentley in good shape. Another reminder of Thomas’ financial perks.

In no more than ten seconds after I park there’s a familiar sound of scampering footsteps.

“Hello, Charlie!” I smile as the young Shelby runs up the hill.

“Venna!” His face lights up and he tackles my legs for a hug. “You’re back!”

“Yes I am, dierbaar jongen. My my, you have grown so much!”

He giggles when I try to ruffle his hair and continues running to the house. “I’ve got violin practice now.”

“Oh! I won’t keep you, then. Go on!”

In one hand I grip the briefcase Ada sent with me. The very reason why I’m forced to be here. With my other hand I feel the comforting cross around my neck again. Lord, please give me patience-

What’s that?

Something white in an empty muddy field catches my eye. It’s very faint. Is that a person…? It’s a cross. Off in the distance, a giant wooden cross stands a single cross with familiar clothes. Thomas’ clothes. And the man himself is standing across from it. What is that? Is it supposed to be a mockery of faith? How dare-!?

Bang! Bang! Bang! Thomas lifts up a gun and blasts the clothes to shreds, causing sparks to scatter. What the Hell?! I drop the briefcase and break into a sprint. What the Hell is happening?! I nearly stumble and trip down the hill and by the time I reach the fence my dress is splattered in mud. Is he trying to kill himself-?!

Ka-boom!

A giant explosion rips a crater open in the field, sending dirt and rock flying everywhere. A blast of fire clouds over Thomas and I give a loud shriek. My stomach drops. He really was trying to die…

And he still lives. The cloud of ash lifts and Thomas walks back across the field, covered in mud. I nearly scream again. How can he look so- so… calm?! How far has his mind spiraled since I’ve been gone?

“What the Hell was that?!” I yell at the top of my lungs, my eyes nearly bulging out.

Across the dirty field, Thomas spots me as he walks closer and immediately panics.

“Verena? Fuck! Why are you-?”

“I come here to get your signature and this is what you’re doing?!" I screech and stand my ground. "What the Hell happened?!”

Thomas walks through the gate and looks me up and down with wild eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t know! Just please-” He desperately grips my shoulders. “Please stay off this place. Now… What do you need signed? Wait, wait. I’ve got a call to respond to.”

He takes off towards the house, leaving me speechless and confused as to what to think of this. Did he rig that cross to explode? Was it a trap? A warning? I swear if there’s another bloody vendetta I’m going to punch him clean in the face! Reluctantly, I follow Thomas’ muddy footprints and retrieve the briefcase before going inside.

Grrrr.

A brown mutt walks out from the dining room, alerted to my presence. I calmly let him smell my hand. He doesn’t look too harmless. Since when did Thomas get a dog-?

“That’s Cyril,” Charlie beams from another doorway.

“He’s very charming,” I smile as the mutt wanders to the small boy. “You must be done with your lesson. Aunt Ada also told me you speak Rokka, Charlie?”

He nods. “Bits and pieces. Do you still speak Dutch?”

“Yes, I’m learning. You should be very proud of yourself for holding onto your heritage.”

Another set of footsteps echo down the stairs and I look up to see a little girl with dark hair. When she sees me she freezes and watches me as if I just threatened to shoot Cyril. She's Lizzie’s daughter, for sure. She has her eyes. And her look of judgement.

“And you must be Ruby!” I kneel down and offer a friendly wave.

“Hello,” Ruby says shyly. “What’s your name?”

“This is Veena,” Charlie introduces me. “She’s fun.”

Someone else steps down and now Lizzie herself joins us, wearing a very fancy fur stole. A vast contrast to my filthy dress and simple hair braids. She puts a protective hand on Ruby and looks down at me with the same lowly expression from four years ago. I should have been more prepared to feel her smug victory over me.

“Hello, Ms. Steenstra.”

I show no sign of friendly acknowledgement. “Mrs. Shelby.” 

Her eyes narrow slightly. “Why are you here?”

“Straight to the point, I see,” I quip and hold up the briefcase. “I’m here because Mr. Shelby has some papers to sign, ASAP.”

“What about me?” Charlie whines.

“And I’m here for you too, Charlie,” I assure him with a wink, then turn back to Lizzie with another cold glare. “I am not staying in England for long. Mr. Shelby is currently in the middle of a call but as soon as he is finished I will swiftly accomplish my ordeal with him.”

Lizzie, not amused by my agenda to conduct my visit as quickly as possible, leads Ruby back upstairs. At least Grace eventually let me interact with Charlie. I probably won’t ever be able to talk to Ruby again.

Charlie interrupts my thoughts by skipping over to wait by his vader’s office door. “I’m going to show him what I learned today!”

He proudly holds up the violin he’s holding and I almost chuckle to think of Thomas subjecting his kids to musical practice. Intriguing. Would Thomas ever learn to play music himself?

I lean my head to the door, hearing the phone being set down. Good. Time to get things over with.

Knock knock.

“Come!” Thomas’ voice booms through the door.

I enter slowly, deeply trying to forget about the last time I was in this room, and spot Thomas leaning against his desk. He looks like the walking dead. Lasting remains of mud still stain his white shirt. However, Charlie ignores his vader's troubled state and goes to stand at the center of the room.

“He has something to show you,” I tell Thomas. “Then you-”

“I know, I’ll sign.”

Charlie grips his violin and smiles. “I learned something today!”

Thomas, as usual, holds a whiskey. “So did I. And what have you learned, my boy?”

Charlie brings the bow to the instrument. A screech of strings pinches my ears and I do my best to not cringe. The young boy carries out the thankfully quick Hellish melody and Thomas sits blankly across from him. Perhaps the terrors conspiring inside Thomas’ head are horrendous enough to drown out any outside noise.

“Good start, Charlie,” I praise after Thomas fails to speak. “Why don’t you go get yourself ready for supper, eh?”

He nods eagerly and scampers off. I set down my briefcase and wave a hand in front of Thomas’ eerily quiet face.

“Here are the papers.”

Thomas blinks at me and seems to remember where he is. He slowly stands up and goes to grab a pen from his desk. Time to fire the next shot.

“I am also here for my next payment.”

A quick flash of anger colors Thomas’ eyes but it’s replaced by another blank stare. “‘S that why you came back?”

“For the sake of my familie, yes.”

“Are you sure?”

My eyes narrow and my jaw tightens. If he thinks he can guilt-talk me out of this he is dead wrong. I came for my familie and nothing else.

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” I respond firmly and reroute the subject. “I also heard about what happened to Finn. Please tell me you’re going to talk to him. He’s not the same man from two years ago. He’s becoming just like you. Drinking, chatting up girls, going in guns a-blazing. It’s-!”

“I will,” Thomas says evenly as he signs the documents. “Arthur and I are going to sit him down tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” The shadow of a smirk crosses my mouth. “How did your chat with Mr. Dixon go?”

Thomas takes another drink. “Your country has some of the oddest people. Half the time he wanted to talk about guns and mixing moonshine instead of actual business. I left him to some associates in London. Did your dad really make him come with you?”

“When you’re a single woman traveling alone it’s considered proper to be escorted, according to my parents. Now that I am here I plan to do things my way.”

I hold out my hand expectantly. Thomas hands me the papers and I store them away in the briefcase. Next he passes me a handsome stack of bills. There. Done and done. Now I can tell Ada I talked to him, sort of, and don’t have to see him again-

“Another thing,” Thomas calls once I’m halfway across the room. “Have you been in contact with Michael?”

Despite the raging voice telling me to flee from him, I turn around to face Thomas once more with a lazy head shake. “No. I’ve stuck to the west side of Michigan and practically avoided him, honestly. He’s grown just as arrogant.”

“Yet you still agree to work for us,” Thomas points out as he lights another cigarette.

Stay calm, Steentstra. “Now that the depression is underway, what choice do I have? Anything I earn goes to my familie.”

“Hm. Well, do not trust Michael. That call just told me he was making deals to kill me.”

“Sweet Jesus-!” I gasp and stop myself short.

Nothing could prepare me for this! I’m supposed to distance myself from Thomas, not panic over another death threat! Calm the Hell down, Verena!

“Now don’t get your skirt in a bunch, love,” Thomas implores. “‘S for me to handle, eh? Did you ever notice any strange transactions from Ireland?”

I shake my head. “My uncle would have told me. If you doubt it then you can talk with him yourself.”

“Alright. I might.” Thomas gets a look that says he’s lost in thought again and waves me off. “Now go play with Charlie before he starts whining again. He missed you.”

I slip over to the door and offer one last remark, a sort-of peace offering. “Ruby’s a darling, too.”

“That she is,” Thomas murmurs and looks at me again. “Would you like to stay for dinner?”

No no no! Get out, get out. Lizzie’s going to have my head just for him suggesting that! I’m supposed to get paid and leave-!

“I do not think I will be welcomed by all-”

“Lizzie and Ruby have been staying in the Midland Hotel,” Thomas explains and takes another puff on his cigarette. “‘S just me, Charlie, and Frances.”

So their marriage isn’t so peachy after all. Lizzie finally realized what she dug herself into. Say no. Say no! Thomas knows I want no part of his life anymore. Even though it is nice to see Charlie again…

“One hour.” I hold up a finger. “One hour, and then I’m gone.”

Before Thomas can react I slip through the door and back down the familiar hallway. A few maids give me quiet greetings but for the most part the house is empty. So this is the life you wanted, Thomas? It’s awfully lonely.

“Hello again, Charlie!” I announce when I spot the boy sitting at the long dining table.

His face scrunches with hopeful confusion. “Are you staying for supper?”

“For tonight, yes.”

I take a seat next to him and take a moment to observe the young Shelby. He’s definitely grown up. Instead of a boyish carefree smile Charlie has traded it for a rigid frown. Oh, Thomas. You’re turning your son into yourself. 

A deep whistling sound draws my attention to the window. Outside a strong wind blows fiercely across the pastures. Dark clouds churn overhead, drowning out the little sunlight that’s left of the day. The dark skeletons of the leafless trees sway and stand as ghostly figures left to the imagination.

“It looks really spooky outside,” I observe mysteriously, playing at Charlie’s remaining curiosity.

He shrugs. “That’s appropriate for this time of year.”

I try again. “Do you know about the Samhain celebration, Charlie?”

His eyes widen. “What’s that?”

Bingo!

“It’s a Celtic tradition celebrating the autumn harvest. It was last week on October 31, between the fall equinox and the winter solstice. I went to Belfast last year for the Samhain festival and it was incredible!”

In the corner of my eye I see Thomas appear. He silently makes his way to the end of the table and takes a seat. He's changed into clean clothes. As if on cue, a couple servants appear with trays of food. My first instinct is to stand up and help but then I remind myself I’m not in America anymore. Things are still done differently here.

“So you still celebrate Samhain even though you’re American?” Charlie asks after a few bites of pork.

“Yes. Samhain can be a very spiritual time for me. It’s believed to be a period when spirits can cross over and interact with the living.”

Thomas stops eating for a second. Does speaking with the dead intrigue him? Maybe reconciling with spirits is one way to deal with yourself. And I need to deal with myself before I start feeling sorry for him again.

“Thank you for having me,” I start off and stand up from the table. “But I’m afraid that I need to be going.”

“Really?” Charlie grumbles but doesn’t dare to complain more in front of his vader.

Thomas keeps quiet but watches me leave with noticeable emotionless eyes. One hour, Thomas. That’s all I will allow to make up for nearly four years of absence. After what I’ve seen today it’s not only my life that’s changed. Thomas, Lizzie, Charlie. They’re different. Even Ruby seems different than a normal girl. Not that I would expect any Shelby to be normal.

As I begin the drive back to Birmingham I can’t help but wonder if the Shelbys were right. Do I really have such an influence? That my presence helps in more ways than one? How have things become so gloomy in the past years? Well, now there is a depression to add to this and it will confuse my thoughts even harder.

@meadows5

[wasyago]

picture it, youre in a bathroom stall, not shitting or anything you just wanted to get away from whatever event is happening and are currently scrolling thru ur go to socmed on ur phone, you hear a stall next to you open and close and a loud clanging as an ass lands on the toilet seat, you expect to hear pissing or someshit but instead i start talking as if im in church and this is a confessional

i. love your art, really i do, and uve probably heard this a few times since ur a fairly popular artist, but whatever, i think of your art often, almost everytime i draw even, something about the shapes you use and the way the colors on your art permeate through my skin and warm up my bones, and i especially love your just roll with it art, PARTICULARLY,how you draw gillion, looking at your gillion fills me with rage, with PALPABLE. INDESCRIBABLE. RED HOT JEALOUSLY. ive never even watched riptide, i look at your gillion and want to do something violent and unnecessary to him, i look at your gillion and my skin itches and my scalp tingles and i resist the urge to bite something attached to me, the innate NEED. the fucking LONGING. the pure WANT, in my skin, to split apart and create gills, to go hundreds of thousands of meters deep into the ocean and never come back is almost unbearable, and i see your gillion, and i think of his silly fishy life, how he gets to live slightly most forever, and go on adventures and have a little frogtopus guy and i SEETHE and i drive myself crazyreaching to a reality i'llnever achieve and watching this whimsical fucking fish get to LIVE LIKE THIS !!!!!!! THAT SHOULD BE ME !!!!!!! I DONT GIVE A FUCK THAT HES GONE THROUGH THE HORRORS THAT SHOULD BE ME ❗❗❗❗❗❗ (you hear me banging on the bathroom stall walls) I DESERVE TO BE A FUCKING FISH WITH LITTLE PIRATE FRIENDS !!!!!! I DESERVE TO GLISTEN A LITTLE BECAUSE IM MOIST AT ALL TIMES !!!! I DESERVE FINS. I DESERVE GILLS. I DESERVE A FUCKING BIG ASS FISH TAIL ❗❗❗❗❗❗❗❗sssiigghhhhh.................

now you may be wondering, why in the flying fish FUCK am i sending this to you, its simple...how often do you get a crazy insane ask like this.... how often do you get to read a paragraph of pure fish jealousy, i send you this.....to entertain....and to express the most genuine parts of me....

and because i need to be medicated in some way probably

-🐟

[dnickels]

RE: 5x05. I have no idea how much I'm supposed to read into this, but that has never stopped me before:

It's VE Day. Havers is back in England. The post office, telephone system, communication infrastructure etc all still work. So where is Cap's sense of urgency coming from? He knows the full name and regiment of a serving officer, a letter will get where it needs to go, they're very good about that over there. Yes, Cap's been waiting, but its been six years, he can wait a little longer-- hang out in the bushes until he sees Haver's car drive away and bang on the window, if he insists on being an insane person (<3). Figure out where he's billeted. Japan hasn't surrendered yet, so I suppose there's a chance Havers could get shipped to Burma or something and potentially die there, but he's not going to go straight from the cocktail reception to the troop ship, especially if everyone there is about to get "Hitler defeated"-levels of drunk. ("They're all red tabs, surely decency and decorum--" they are going to roll those old soaks out of there in wheelbarrows)

The urgency isn't because Havers might die. I think Cap knew his time was short.

He's a middle aged man in tolerably good shape, all that ration food aside. He make good time on his morning jogs, and his biggest ailment is 'creaky knees'. "Widowmaker heart attack out of nowhere" isn't an unheard of COD for someone who seems otherwise fine, especially someone who has been under a fair amount of stress (six years of wartime, including the fucking Blitz would do a number on my heart) but his sudden relocation makes me pause. It's only been about a year since he got relocated away from Button House, right? What was all that about? It's presumably still requisitioned, given that they're throwing a swanky victory party there and Heather Button is nowhere to be seen, but has the weapons program been disbanded? Or was there some reason to pull the CO out of a high-stress position and send him to the beach to take potshots at seagulls? (I am being glib here-- the coast was NOT a stress-free place when you can see your enemy just across the Channel). I genuinely forget what he said he was doing in season three-- was he even still in the army at all, or did they send his ass to the Home Guard? Even they got a campaign ribbon.

I think Cap made one last push to get to the front, and while its very clear that this dingus should under no circumstances be on the front line (<3) they humored him with a medical-- and found something really troubling. Or maybe he went in of his own accord, the old flutter, or maybe it was just a routine checkup. Either way he got some very serious news, so sorry old boy, just one of those things, could be any day now-- best make sure your affairs are all in order.

Hence the single-minded desire to meet, once last time. Everyone else clearly drove-- did he walk all the way from the train station, down the country lanes? Did he feel a little short of breath scaling all those walls? Did every set-back and stressor make him more determined-- just give me a little more time, just a little more time...

It could also be that he just got yelled at so hard he died of it, which is almost certainly how I will go, but that was my immediate impression and it has not left me, nor have I known peace. I know there's a few holes in my theory but I haven't talked myself out of it yet. For me the kicker is that he experiences at least ten devastating emotions in the last moments of his life, but "surprise at entering cardiac arrest" does not appear to be one of them. It looks more like grim acceptance. Stoic in the face of death-- a soldier to the end.

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Not Having It, Death

Alien shape shifter appears: Fear me and tremble mortals, for I am your death.

Human: Bullshit; you’re not death.

Alien: Oh but I am.

Human: Death is covered in chocolate, and I doubt your dry ass is white chocolate.

Alien: What?

Human 2: Yeah I don’t get it either.

Human: What’s not to get?

Human: I am deathly allergic to chocolate, therefore death is chocolate.

Alien: I will not suffer this inso-

Human 2: Now that’s not the same thing.

Human 2: What you are describing is what will kill you, not death itself.

Human 3: At best that could be argued that chocolate is your personification of death.

Alien: I-

Human: Well even if chocolate is my personification of death, and it kills me; then clearly it still is death!

Human 3: *Turns to human 2* He does have a point there.

Human 2: By that logic anything that you are allergic to can be considered death.

Human 3: It’d be gerbils for me.

Human 1 & 2: *Look at human 3*

Human 3: What?

Human 3: I flare up when I touch their fur and my throat closes up.

Human 3: I’d be dead in minutes if I touched one of those furry fuckers.

Human: So death for you is tiny little gerbils?

Human 2: *Snickering*

Human 3: It’s not fucking funny!

Human 3: Those little bastards scamper all over the place and you can barely hear them.

Human 3: One could brush up against me and I wouldn’t know till my throat locked up.

Alien: Are you all implying your species version of death is what you are allergic to?

Human: Well yeah.

Human 2: What else would it be?

Alien: GUNS! KNIVES! MONSTERS WITH SHARP TEETH!

Human 3: Well we deal with those all the time so they’re not really as scary as you think.

Alien: Why does death need to be scary!?

Alien: Death is death!

Human 2: Exactly!

Human 2: Which is why death is really being eaten alive by those little fish at malls that nibble on your dead skin cells of your feet.

Human 1 & 3: *Groaning*

Human 3: Show me one instance of that actually happening and I will admit that those little fish are really death.

Human 2: That’s just it!

Human 2: There are no examples because they cover them up!

Human: I have seen our government fail to cover up sex scandals in the highest seats of political power, but you’re telling me that they are really just diverting all their efforts to cover up deaths by little mall fish?

Human 2: It’s a bigger business than you would think.

Human 1 & 3: *Groaning again*

Human 3: You sound more like a pyramid scheme now.

Alien: As fascinating as this philosophical debate is about what death is, I really just want to kill you all and harvest your life essence.

Human: Look at Mr. Fancy britches over here.

Human: *Mocking tone* I’m too important to wait on you, so just die already. Hurdy, hurdy, hur.

Human 2 & 3: *Laughing*

Human: Look, we’re going to let you kill us but we first have to decide on what form of death you take or you won’t get as much life essence.

Alien: *Stops itself from eating Human 3* Wait, really?

Human 3: *Still between the jaws of alien* Oh yeah; when we are killed by the real death we give out a shit loads of life essence.

Alien: Why are you telling me this then?

Alien: Why not save your selves by trying to distract me?

Human 2: Because in our way we feel the least amount of pain.

Human 2: So giving us less pain gives you more life essence; win win for everyone.

Alien: *Sets human 3 down and nods*

Alien: Why not let me kill you each one at a time, so I can be your own versions?

Human: Won’t work now since we all know we have different versions.

Human: We need to agree on all the same version or it won’t benefit any of us.

Human 2 & 3: *murmur in agreement*

Alien: Okay then, why don’t we start what you all think is death and we’ll narrow down from there?

*Six hours later*

Human: Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll get my fingers slit open when I open those little blue candy bars and I’ll bleed to death.

Alien: *Banging head against rock*

[victorluvsalice]

Valicer Polyship Week 2024, Day Four: Let’s Dance (Severance AU)

We've reached Day Four of Valicer Polyship Week 2024, inspired by @polyshipweek, and our prompt today is "Let's Dance!" Because, while I don't talk about it as much as I used to, I am still a huge fan of my various ships dancing together. :D And I knew exactly what AU I wanted to pair the prompt with -- my new Valicer Severance AU! Otherwise known as "I Owe My Soul To The Company Store" after that one music video I reblogged. Severance the TV show has a rather iconic scene of the Innies getting a "Music/Dance Experience" in episode 7 (you can watch it here if you are so inclined -- warning, it takes a turn for the violent near the end, as one of the main characters is on edge after learning something interesting about his Outie's life the night before), so I figured this prompt would be the perfect opportunity to do my take on what an MDE would look like for my Innie trio. :) Hope you enjoy!

--

DeeedledeeedleeDIIING!

Smiler jerked their hands away from their keyboard, blinking. Across from them, Victor jumped, looking around. “W-what was that?”

“Sounded like it came from Smiler’s computer,” Alice said, getting up and peering over the partition separating their desks. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” Smiler insisted, eyeing their set-up suspiciously. “I just sorted another set of numbers, and then that happened.”

“Well, you must have done something different.” Alice leaned on the partition, smirking. “Did the numbers make you feel a prohibited emotion? Ennui, perhaps?”

Smiler stuck out their tongue at her. “You know this entire job is one big study in ennui,” they said, studying their screen to see if there was anything new and exciting. There were the usual bins at the bottom, waiting to be filled with pointless bullshit; there was the giant field of numbers in the middle, a sea of remorselessly ridiculous digits; there was the name of the file at the top, the never-to-be-explained “Hill Valley;” there was the progress bar next to that – “Oh! I made 75%!”

“You – wait, really?” Victor said, getting up and coming over for a look.

“Yeah, look.” Smiler pointed at the bar. “Didn’t even realize...so I guess that was a ‘good job’ noise.”

“Huh – congratulations, then,” Alice said, looking slightly impressed despite herself. “First time any of us have managed that with a file – Wheatley!” she called over to their supervisor. “Smiler got 75% on Hill Valley!”

“They what?” Wheatley came zooming over on his rail to see, stopping just over Victor’s shoulder and making him duck out of the way. “Oh, look at that! That’s fantastic!” he declared, flexing his outer plates. “That means you, Smiler A., get an MDE!”

“MDE?” Smiler repeated, brow crinkled.

“Music/Dance experience! A five-minute dance party – DJed by yours truly,” Wheatley added, spinning on his rail. “Let me get the cart – just a moment!”

He zipped off, humming to himself. Smiler watched him go, then looked back at Victor and Alice. “I – I gotta admit, I’d kind of forgotten that was a thing,” they said, brushing their bangs out of their face.

“So had I,” Victor said, going back to his own desk. “Hang on, there must be something on it in the handbook…” He pulled it out of his drawer and flipped through it. “Here we are – yes, it’s the tier just below 100% completion and Cake Day. I’m not surprised we forgot, though – like Alice said, none of us have ever gotten that far on a file before.”

“They must have forgotten to expire yours before you hit the magic number,” Alice said, smiling. “Well, good to know that we can get rewards other than those stupid erasers and finger traps. Just don’t get your hopes up about the cake.”

“I won’t, trust me,” Smiler said, crossing their heart with a finger. “Besides, with our luck? I wouldn’t be surprised if they gave us a giant wad of tuna fish in the shape of a cake instead.”

Victor pulled a face. “If they did that, I’d burn this fucking place to the ground.”

“Can we get that in writing?” Alice asked, leaning on her hand.

Before Smiler could point out that there was no way any of them were getting access to matches anytime soon, Wheatley returned, followed by a little motorized cart that skidded to a stop beside Smiler’s desk, bearing a trio of cheap party hats in Aperture-approved orange and blue and a couple of speakers. “Here we are! Wouldn’t let me connect to it at first, but I had a few words with it,” he said brightly. “All right, so – just pick your genre of music and your accessory, and we’ll be off!”

“Accessory?” Smiler repeated – then jerked back as a drawer on the cart popped out practically into their lap, bearing a maraca, a pair of castanets, a party horn, a set of bells on a stick, and a single sad glowstick. “Oh. Uh – so – I just – pick something?”

“Yup! Grab your item, then you can choose your music,” Wheatley said, rolling his optic down toward a laminated list of musical genres lying atop the cart. “And then it’s party time! Wooo!”

Smiler snorted. “You’re happier about this than I am,” they noted, looking through their “accessory” options.

“Well, it does mean that I’ve been doing a great job as your supervisor,” Wheatley said, in a tone that said that if he had a nose, he’d be putting it in the air. “And besides, this isn’t like when you guys made those race cars out of office supplies, or went wandering off and petted those baby goats, or had your little make-out picnic in the kitchen. This is an Official Aperture Science Macrodata Refinement Incentive! Miss Glados can’t say a word about us taking five minutes to boogie!”

A grin slowly spread over Smiler’s face. “...that’s a good point.” Sure, corporate-mandated fun was probably far from the best fun they could have down here, but it was definitely the safest. And Smiler really enjoyed the idea of Miss Glados steaming over seeing them happy, but being unable to do anything about it. They picked up the glowstick and gave it a little shake, watching it light up a pleasant banana yellow (not that they ever remembered seeing a banana, but they were reasonably sure that was right). “This feels me.”

“It does,” Alice agreed, coming around to look at the list of music as the drawer retracted as violently as it had extended. “As for your music choices...you’ve your pick of Defiant Jazz, Bawdy Funk, Playful Punk, Wistful Pipes, Effusive Ska, Bouncy Swing–

“That one,” Smiler cut in with a nod, getting up. “This is supposed to be a party, isn’t it? Let’s have the happiest music we’ve got.”

“Sounds good to me! Now, everybody, this is in Smiler’s honor, but you should all feel free to get up and dance!” Wheatley announced, as if he was talking to a giant crowd instead of just three people. “Let’s get this party started!”

Right on cue, the lights dimmed, then started cycling through a rainbow of different colors as out of the cart’s speakers came the most upbeat, high-tempo music Smiler had ever heard. Not that they actually recalled ever hearing any music before, but that just made this tune all the more exhilarating, sending a thrill straight through their bones. Their feet seemed to move of their own accord, catching the beat and sending them spinning across the floor. Laughing, Smiler let their body take control, shaking their glowstick to the rhythm of the horns. Good to know some part of me knows how to dance! Would have been embarrassing otherwise!

“Yeah, that’s the spirit!” Wheatley cheered, bobbing to the beat as best he could while Smiler soft-shoed about. “Come on, Victor, Alice! Not a party with just two people!”

Victor smiled awkwardly and began very tentatively to sway on the spot, raising his arms slightly. Alice, by contrast, immediately threw herself into the music, waving her hands in the air and doing some very interesting hops and skips around their cubicles. “What is that?” Smiler laughed, boogieing over her way.

“No bloody clue, but it feels right!” Alice responded with a big grin, grabbing their hands and swinging them around before flinging them away. She promptly bounced over to Victor, grabbing his hands in turn. “Come on – we know you can do better than that!”

“I don’t,” Victor said, though he did let Alice pull him forward, closer to the cart.

“Well, we wouldn’t actually know if you messed up,” Smiler pointed out encouragingly, making their way over and bumping their shoulder against Victor’s side before fluttering their eyelashes up at him. “Please?”

Victor snorted. “You’re very silly,” he noted, picking up the rhythm more as he moved from side to side. “Both of you.”

“That’s why you love us,” Alice said, twirling herself into his arms before gazing up at him adoringly.

Victor smiled down at her, then over at Smiler, freeing a hand to beckon them over. “Yes. Yes it is.”

Smiler followed his finger, their heart going all warm and runny at the deep fondness in Victor’s eyes, and the cheeky little grin on Alice’s face. Not for the first time (or the second, or the third, or the fiftieth), they found themselves wishing they could leave this stupid fucking office and actually go outside. Go live an actual life somewhere together, where there were windows and seasons and as few numbers as possible. Where they got eat things other than tuna fish sandwiches and do things other than sit at computers all damn day. Where they could be together without constantly worrying about cameras and Miss Glados and the Break Room. Where they could dance for more than five minutes to whatever music they liked.

But that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, if ever. Not with everything they were owned by fucking Aperture and its goons. But they still had these five minutes, and Smiler was determined to make the most of them. They slid under Victor’s arm and snuggled up to him, slipping their free arm around Alice. She pulled them in close, and together they bobbed to the music, just enjoying each other’s company and the break from the endless sorting. One day, Smiler quietly vowed, glancing at their partners. One day, we’re getting out of here, whatever it takes. And when we do, the first thing I’m doing is dancing with both of you for real.

[bigfan-fanfic]

Acrimony (Batdad Fanfic)

one shot where batdad comforts jason after he comes back to life angry, thinking his father hates him for the murders and batdad just hugs him and says he loves him very much

Hey, I LOVE writing Batdad fanfic! Leave me asks or comments if you wanna see more, or help flesh Batdad out more or what content you'd like to see!

The door opens with a bang before you can open it.

And there he stands, wearing a sleeveless shirt and sweatpants, with a gun pointed in your face, a new streak of stark white in his hair.

There's so much that has changed - every mark, every scar, every blemish - all of them have been erased from his skin, and he looks older and stronger now.

Even his eyes - the same shape but now the wrong color, green instead of blue.

Just when you start to get the twinge of fear that maybe your boy is gone, perhaps forever -

He lowers the gun, horror crossing his face.

This has all been less than a second.

Jason's horror becomes a scowl, but you notice he sets the gun out of his own reach.

"I thought you were Bruce."

"Do we really look that similar?"

"No."

Silence. He steps aside, letting you in.

"I know you're the Red Hood." you sigh. Better to get the preamble out of the way.

He freezes, deeply uncomfortable.

"Why, Jaybird?" you ask, simply.

"Why what?" he scowls deeper, bravado entering his voice.

"Why didn't you come home to us? To me?"

This doesn't seem to be what he was expecting. "Pop, I... I..."

"I missed you so much." you say, voice choked with unshed tears.

This is not what Jason knows, not the terrain he's comfortable with. Hidden weaknesses, stifled sobs, keeping your emotions in check. Your freely given affection and your ability to deal with your emotions was the biggest obstacle to your relationship and the thing he loved most once it had been overcome.

"I was angry, Dad." He says. If it had been Bruce, he could summon up all that anger in a second and use it - he could remember his reasons in a second. But with you... he feels so guilty. In striking at the father he blamed, he wounded the one he wished would comfort him. "I am angry. So much, and I... I don't know why. You replaced me... so fast."

You have anger on your face and he is shocked. "No. We never replaced you, Jay. You're our son. And nothing changes that. Not you dying, not this, not anything."

He gives a horrible, aching sound. Not quite a wail, but a release of pain he kept inside. "I killed people, Dad."

He's called you Dad for years. Longer than his biological dad who abandoned him. Longer than Bruce, who he tried it out on for a few months but couldn't quite make it feel right.

Bruce cried when Jason asked to go back to calling him Bruce. He said whatever would make Jason comfortable was what he wanted, but it killed him inside. Does Jason know that?

Bruce could barely talk when Jason died. Blamed himself. Sobbed one night wishing it had been him instead. Jason was his son.

"Jay..."

"I'm sorry. Dad, I'm so sorry. I'm still so fucking angry and I hurt so much... I still wanna kill. I wanna make people hurt so I don't have to anymore. I hate myself for feeling this way. I killed bad people, but... I'd take it all back to make you not hate me."

You cross the room in three strides and hug him. Instantly the fight drains out of him.

"I love you, Jason."

"I don't-"

"I love you, my little Jaybird. Whatever you've done, whatever you feel. I love you, and I know Bruce does too. I can't fix everything, not in one night. And I know we have a long way to go. But kiddo, we need you back. Please... come back to your family. There's never been a moment your absence wasn't felt. I need my son back."

Jason sobs into your shoulder, melting. He doesn't know if any of this can be fixed. Logically he worries that seeing Bruce will only provoke him.

But his dad is here making everything better.

And the doubts have no place when his father hugs him.

So for now, he just exists in the moment and lets himself be a son again.

[thelostgirl21]

I'm late to the party like you wouldn't believe, but I've got to say something, because I'm so upset!

Okay, unpopular opinion, I actually loved Jaskier's Season 3 hair!

Was it always perfectly styled? No. There were a few scenes where I personally thought it could have used a bit more volume, or a bit more volume in some places while a bit less in others; but, most or the time, I was more than fine with it, and thought it suited Jaskier well!

At times, I literally adored it!

Ex:

To me, those are moments where I thought Jaskier looked his best in the series! Loved the hair!

Then again, personally, I tend to prefer Joey's looks with his forehead cleared and his hair longer.

Like, this is I think one of the most gorgeous non-feral hairstyles I've ever seen on him:

(X)

This is an absolutely gorgeous man, and I personally prefer his hair styled like this than short.

(Note: I'm not saying he's not beautiful with short hair, too, simply stating personal preferences. Certain aesthetic choices are based on comfort, too, and he can 100% afford to sacrifice the "long haired look" for something that makes him feel more comfortable. He can rock plenty of different looks!)

Then, of course, there's the feral look that is just in its own category...

So why am I upset?

I've just found out that he didn't wear a wig in Season 3!

That Jaskier's Season 3 hair were simply Joey's own hair that he had decided to grow out.

And look, I'm fine with everyone having preferences!

That's not my issue. Having your own tastes and not being a fan of Joey's Season 3 hairstyle is not the issue at all!

There were posts simply mentioning that they hated that it looked so flat, when we could have been graced with something a bit more like this:

And I do get preferences when it comes to styling.

It's just that I recall how - since people assumed it was "an ugly wig" that had been forced on his head by the wig department, rather than what they considered "a bad hairstyle" - the comments on "Jaskier's hair" were at times downright nasty!

And I just gotta get out of my system that those of you that have been literally making fun of his "sudden 4-inches receeding hairline" (first I'll have you know I find receeding hairline pretty hot!), when it's kinda remained the same for 3 seasons (it's called BANGS people. Joey tends to wear those with his shorter haircuts! Look it up!), for example, really suck!

His hairline has always gone pretty far up on each side, even in some of his earlier work... Ex: Gopher in "Mount Pleasant" (2016):

Like he's got very thick hair that form a "V" shape at the top (my mom had that, but I didn't inherit it... And we've got tons of hair... Like, a lot! * ) and a pretty large forehead.

*

(That's me at 18, and then at 28 - before I brought them back to a lower back length - but my mom is the same in terms of thickness, she just has that V in the front I lack, and it never receeded any further in her life.)

And there would be no shame in having thin hair, or any form of baldness anyway!

So yeah! I remember sort of heavily ignoring all those "ugly wig" comments because I, too, had assumed it was a wig (turns out Joey's hair seem to be a bit like mine, and grow pretty fast), and at some point you choose your battles.

Did I think a bunch of you were immature assholes for needing to hate on that "ugly wig" so much? Yes. But you find those in any fandom!

Personally, I thought "the wig" was awesome!

But now, I kinda regret not having taken the time to be more supportive of Jaskier's Season's 3 hair given I actually like it...

Because that's just a (very sweet) human being's hair, that was styled in a way that a number of people didn't like.

Again, zero problem for those that thought it was badly styled, and that the look didn't suit Jaskier!

Critiquing what you find a "bad hairstyle" is no cause for shame!

But, for those of you that took it to the next level with all those "ugly wig" comments, you fucking suck, I sure hope you've since found out that you'd been openly ridiculing a fellow human being's real hair, that it makes you feel like complete pieces of shit, and that feeling like complete pieces of shit is going to help you learn from your mistakes, before you start attacking other people's personal physical features in the future!

"Well, I didn't know!"

Here's today's lesson:

When you don't know, please kindly shut up and assume the hair you see is the real thing!

Or critique the wig like you would a real hairstyle, asking yourself "Hmm... Is describing someone's real hair the way I do going to make me sound like a bully?"

Like I said, I'm aware I'm pretty late to the party, but the the kid in me that got heavily bullied in school over her own hair really needed to get it out of her system!

[snaillamp]

Hiking Hell

Bang, bang, bang!

Enjar groaned as he rolled over, ignoring the knocking. He didn’t want to deal with that right now. He hadn’t even opened his eyes yet, but today was already shit.

Bang, bang, bang!

Sighing in exasperation, Enjar sat up, slouching and eased out of bed. He felt stiff and sore from his work out yesterday, and just wanted to go back to sleep.

Bang, bang, bang!

“Okay, okay, I’m coming…” The lighthouse keeper muttered, shuffling to the door. He was a mess, loose, sagging shorts hanging around his waist for dear life, no shirt and his hair matted and sticking out in random directions. Enjar felt like death itself, finally reaching the door and attempting to open it with a weak tug. His whole body swayed, but the door didn’t budge. Another tug and it swung open stiffly, the door screeching awfully as the rust began to grind in the hinges.

Looking up with half opened eyes, Enjar mumbled a gruff “What?”, his voice still husky from sleep. He looked at Matthew, his best friend dressed head to toe in hiking gear, beaming from ear to ear. “Come on En! It’s 5 am, we gotta get going!” Enjar stared blankly at his friend for a moment, processing the information in his head very slowly. ‘Oh… the hike we planned… that’s today…?’ He thought slowly. ‘Wait… 5 am? I only got 4 hours of sleep… fuck…’ Matthew frowned, cocking his head and looking at his friend. “You good, bro?”

“Hmm?” Enjar looked up, transported from his thoughts and back to reality. “What? Yeah… Just tired. Gimme a minute I go shower.” Matthew nodded, slipping in through the door and watching Enjar go back to his room. He sat patiently at the kitchen table, practicing his script in his head. He had already practised it the whole drive over from town, so already an hour.

Meanwhile, Enjar looked longingly at his bed as he shuffled into the bathroom, turning on the shower. He felt awful, everything was packed the night before, ready to walk out the door at 5 am, but then he’d ended up being kept up most of the night.

His sleep that week had been minimal, he’d been lucky to get more than 2 hours a night the entire week, a combination of waking up early to turn off the light in the summer mornings, working late and exercising harder than he should’ve been. He’d decided to get into better shape than he already was, just in case another person decided to break in… He wanted to be stronger, faster, better…

But right now, he stepped into the chillingly cold shower, and grimaced. He couldn’t wait for it to warm up, so he quickly scrubbed the sweat from his skin, turning off the shower and ripping the knots out of his hair. Tying it up onto a ponytail on the top of head, he rushed back out into his bedroom, still slightly wet as he wrestled on his clothes, then grabbed his pack, walking back out into the main room.

“Damn, that was fast.” Matthew looked surprised, even slightly concerned at the speed in which Enjar had gotten ready. He looked much better, hair loosely pulled back into the high pony tail, and clothes clean and ready, but behind his eyes, Enjar still looked tired.

“Let’s go.” The lighthouse keeper opened the door, motioning with his head to leave. Matthew got up, smiling and rushing out the door to his car. Enjar glanced around the cabin, he couldn’t help but feel he was forgetting something, but he brushed it off… It was probably nothing.

~~

20 minutes into the ride, Enjar yawned. He was slumped against the car door, head bobbing as his eyes kept sliding shut. At one point, he was jolted awake by the car hitting a hole in the road, rattling his skull so hard he started to get a headache. Matthew chuckled. “Got coffee?” Enjar groaned, leaning back into his seat and rubbing his eyes. “Nope… Didn’t have time to make one.” Matthew nodded at a Thermos in the cupholder.

“Have mine, I don’t really need it.” Enjar sighed, looking down at the bright red cup, when it hit him. ‘Shit… I forgot to grab my water…’ Glancing up at his friend, his stomach sank. They were too far to turn back now, and besides, he didn’t want to ruin Matthew’s good mood. They would only be gone for a night, it would be fine, besides, he could grab some water at the stream they would be camping near.

Taking the coffee, Enjar sipped it tentatively. He should try and make it last the whole hike, but it was the only think keeping him awake. Tipping back the cup, Enjar drank the rest of the coffee. ‘I shouldn��t do this… I need something to get me through…’ Enjar stared at the empty cup, the coffee already drying out his mouth. The sun had risen higher into the sky, and he could feel the heat already trying to burn his skin. It was going to be a really hot day.

“Feel better?” Matthew asked, glancing at the lighthouse keeper. “Yeah…” Enjar stretched and yawned. “It’s already so warm.” He mumbled, running his hands through his hair and tightening the pony tail. “The forecast said it’ll be one of the hottest days this year.” Matthew sighed, “It’s gonna be brutal, huh?” Enjar nodded, staring out the window and smiling at the fading sunrise. It was beautiful, but the sun was already so warm…

~~

Pulling into the clearing, Matthew practically flew out of the car. Enjar got out slower, but felt more awake. He joined Matthew, pulling his pack out of the back of the car and shrugging it on. He adjusted the straps, feeling the heavy weight settle on his shoulders comfortably. Matthew shoved a hat on as Enjar slid on his own cap. They both coated themselves in sunscreen, before finally setting off down the trail, with enjoying the warm, summer morning.

Matthew seemed extremely chipper as they hiked over the gentle terrain, eventually getting to childhood. “Growing up with brothers was really rough though, you’re lucky Anna is so good.” Enjar smirked, “Nah, I was a dick when I was a teen.” He grimaced, “I wasn’t ever like… a bully, but I did push her buttons a lot. Then again, what annoying older brother doesn’t?” Enjar smirked. “But I had to mature quickly, it’s why I applied for police training straight out of high school, cause I needed a job.” He sighed, he never talked about that shit, he shouldn’t have brought it up. “Why?” Matthew asked, frowning at him.

The lighthouse keeper sighed, glancing away. “I- My mum left my dad… He’d been a gambler and-” Enjar grimaced slightly, “And an alcoholic. Basically as long as I can remember. I swore I would never be like him and…” Changing the subject, Enjar continued reminiscing. “I got the job so mum could work a bit less. Got my license and a shit car… Then they did this exam thing, theory and practical for a new experimental SWAT team they were trialing in the force… Special operations… I applied, the pay was great and I was good at what I did. Studied my ass off to get in and well…” He rubbed his scarred arms.

“We all know how that ended. I moved out after I got stable income from the uh, promotion, I guess, and let mum deal with her own shit. Anna moved out a few years after I did anyway, married fucking Stephen a couple years later…”

Enjar walked in silence, lost in thought as Matthew stared at him. Enjar never talked about his parents, Matthew assumed they were a sore spot for him, but never knew about his dad. Suddenly, it made sense why Enjar had been so scared of becoming an alcoholic…

Changing the awkward subject, Matthew cleared his throat. “So, what did teen Enjar look like? Cause I’m sure he’d be pretty impressed with how you turned out.” Matthew gestured at his friend, his long, healthy hair, strong muscles and good features.

Enjar smirked, “God, Anna has all the pictures… I was a lanky little guy. I’ve always been pretty short, but I just didn't have any muscle. Skin and bones until I started working out when I was 17. Mum called me her little string bean. I decided I wanted to get into law enforcement, and you gotta work for that. Talked to a friend’s dad, who was a personal trainer and he gave me some tips… I was never like, a muscly kid, but I had some bulk by the time I joined up.”

Enjar shook his head, “I’ll ask Anna for some pictures…” He chuckled, “I’ll see if I can get any of my edgy phase, straightened hair and swooped fringe… God I looked like an idiot.”

Stopping for a second, Enjar took a moment to catch his breath and wiping his brow. “Need a break?” Matthew asked, wiping his own brow. He pulled at the collar of his shirt, letting the humid air around them cool his skin. Enjar’s face was slightly flushed as he panted a little. “Nah… Let’s keep going.” He sighed as he tucked a little strand of hair stuck to his face.

Matthew frowned, waiting for his friend to grab his water bottle, but he didn’t. Instead Enjar adjusted the pack on his back with a soft grunt, before he walked past Matthew. Enjar squeezed his eyes shut hard for a moment, blowing out a sharp breath as they continued to hike. “So…” He huffed. “Teen Matthew. What was he like?” Matthew rolled his eyes, “I was convinced that I looked like Kurt Cobain. Had the long raggedy hair and everything. I desperately wanted to be a ‘bad boy’…” Matthew chucked himself, “I have 3 brothers, and I was the second youngest, I had to have some identity of my own, so I picked resident bad boy.” Enjar looked amused as he panted. “You know, I never picked you… as a Nirvana fan.” Matthew grimaced, “I wasn’t! I just thought Kurt was cool and wanted to impress girls. That’s also why I got my tattoo.” He laughed, “Ask me to name any Nirvana song that isn’t ’Smells Like Team Spirit’.”

Enjar frowned, “I was a metal kid. Loved all of them, Rammstein, Iron Maiden, Korn… Even obscure guys. There was a band I heard live at a bar I definitely shouldn’t have been in playing bad covers of Slipknot songs that got me into them too…I guess it was cathartic to be listening to music that would’ve scandalised my poor mother… made me feel like a rebel.”

Enjar smiled at some memories only he could see. “I drove her up the wall blasting my music. She was so glad when I moved out just after I turned 19.” The two men wistfully walked along with their memories for a moment, enjoying the bright, Summer day. The birds chirped around them and the wind blew a warm breeze against them his head feeling thick and hazy… He already felt so exhausted, but now... Enjar began to feel dizzy.

~~

Enjar’s body swayed as he stumbled. The whole world seemed to move a second after his eyes did and his head was pounding. His shirt was drenched with sweat, skin flushed as he focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

They had been hiking for hours and had barely taken breaks.

The food Enjar had brought with him made him thirstier, drying out his mouth, making it tacky. He gasped, stopping himself from stumbling again. They were so close… Once they got to the campsite he could rest… He couldn’t ruin Matthew’s hike… The ringing in his ears got louder… ‘Wait… when did they start ringing…?’ He thought, dazed and confused. The trees began to move in his vision, which felt more like flicking through photos, each image reaching his aching brain a different one from the last. The pounding felt like his brain was smashing itself against his skull, trying to brute force its way out as he put another foot in front of the other, staggering, not noticing as the ground came rushing up to meet him…

~~

Matthew turned around at the sound of a weird thump. His heart seized in fear as he ran over to Enjar, collapsed face down in the dirt. He was panting, face red and body drenched in sweat, barely conscious. His eyes rolled in their sockets as he tried to focus on Matthew’s worried face. “En?!” Matthew shook him, eliciting an annoyed groan from his friend.

Matthew wracked his brain to try and think about what was wrong… Enjar’s body was so hot… “You fucking idiot.” The Coast Guard grunted as he dragged Enjar off the path and leaned him against a tree. Enjar’s body sagged, seemingly as he passed in and out of consciousness. Wrestling his own pack off, Matthew pulled Enjar’s arms out of his, setting the bags beside them and riffling through Enjar's.

“En, where’s your water?” Enjar mumbled something incoherent, passing out again. “No, no, no. Stay awake. Here, drink.” Matthew pulled out his own water, gently placing the lip of the bottle to Enjar’s dry, cracking lips.

Enjar sighed in ecstasy as he tasted the cool, life giving water his body had been screaming out for all day. He shut his eyes in bliss, the cool shade and breeze cooling him as Matthew wrestled off the lighthouse keeper’s shirt. “You need to cool down. You have heat exhaustion.” Matthew muttered to his friend, pouring some of the water across Enjar’s chest. Then he poured a little more into his hand gently painting the lighthouse keeper’s face with it. “No… save your water…” Enjar mumbled, his slurred words making Matthew scoff. “You’re more important right now.”

Enjar sighed as the water cooled his skin, his friend helping him lie on the cold, hard ground as he finally passed out properly.

~~

With a gasp, Enjar awoke, sitting and looking around, dazed. He lifted his hand to his forehead, cradling it, as Matthew stormed over. “IDIOT!” Enjar cringed the loud sound hurting his ears, as he looked down, guilty. “YOU SHOULD’VE TOLD ME YOU FORGOT YOUR WATER, I WOULD’VE GONE BACK TO GET IT! I MEAN COME ON ENJAR! HEAT STROKE KILLS PEOPLE!” Matthew’s voice faltered as he wrapped Enjar up in a hug. “I’m just so glad you’re okay…” Before leaning back and slapping his friend across the face. “That's for practically giving me a heart attack.”

“Ow…” Enjar mumbled, rubbing his cheek as the scar tissue began to spasm. “Okay… okay… I’m sorry…”

Matthew looked frustrated. “En, if you needed to go back it would’ve been fine. Why didn't you say anything?” Enjar looked even guiltier. “I’m sorry… I didn’t wanna ruin your hike… You’ve been so excited about it... And we spent so long planning... But I guess I did anyway…”

Matthew shook his head, handing Enjar back his shirt, still damp with sweat. “You didn’t ruin anything, dumbass. I’m just glad you’re okay… Can you walk?” Enjar nodded as Matthew pulled him to his feet. Swaying a little, the man got his bearings, before looking at his friend.

“You are going for a long dip in the river when we get to camp.” Matthew scolded as they began to slowly stagger their way up the trail again. Enjar leaned heavily against Matthew, the warm air stiflingly humid. They really were so close, just 15 minutes more… Enjar could almost taste that clear, cold stream…

Both men almost wept when they actually stepped into the clearing where they’d be camping. Matthew ushered Enjar into the cool water immediately. The lighthouse keeper stripped from his sweat stained hiking gear and stepped into the bracing, cold stream. Sighing as he cooled down, tipping his head back and pulling his itching hair free, finally resting his aching body.

His torso and face were burned, a light pink dancing over his skin. He’d sweated off his sunscreen, and lying with no shirt in the sun hadn't helped protect the rest of him, despite being passed out in the shade. Leaning against the large rock behind him, Enjar closed his eyes, feeling his bounding heart begin to slow, but the pounding in his head worsen. He heard Matthew walk into the water, who shook his shoulder, eliciting a grunt from Enjar.

“Drink.”

His friend ordered, giving Enjar a cup full of water. It tasted strange, artificial orange and a strange tanginess to it. Enjar grimaced a little, after taking a small sip. “It’s got electrolyte powder in it. Charlotte made me bring it and I’m glad she did.” Matthew sat against the rock as well, the two men warming their backs against the hot surface as the water cooled off their hot, sweaty bodies.

~~

Later that evening, Matthew was preparing the camp stove, insisting Enjar take it easy while he made dinner. Enjar dozed for a little, the golden hour light illuminating everything around them beautifully. Matthew hummed as he mixed up the food, the smells slowly wafting over to Enjar. He smiled as he felt the grass between his fingers and the still slightly warm air and the birds chirping around him.

Matthew shoved Enjar, waking him up. “Wake up, idiot.” He chuckled, as Enjar slumped sideways, waking from his slumber. “Hmm?” Matthew shoved the plate at him. “Oh.. Thanks…” He yawned, beginning to feast. Matthew’s cooking was actually pretty decent, or as decent as camping food could get.

They ate in silence for a moment, before Matthew sighed, swallowing his mouthful and looking at his friend. “You okay?” He seemed anxious. Enjar nodded, “Yeah, thanks… and… I’m sorry. I’m an idiot.” Matthews smiled, nodding. “Yeah. You are. But, I just wanna make sure you’re looking out for yourself. Especially cause now…” Matthew grinned, a big dumb grin, eyes lighting up. He looked at Enjar, finally looking like he was about to release something he’d been holding in for a while. Enjar frowned nervously. “What?”

“So… uh… Jesus, how do I say this. I’ve been practising in my head all day. Uh, just gimme a minute.” Matthew blew out a deep, shaking breath. “Just say it!” Enjar laughed, shoving his friend gently.

“Okay, okay… Uh… So, Charlotte’s pregnant.”

Enjar’s jaw dropped, before he grabbed Matthew up in a giant bear hug, joyous laughter coming from the two men as they smiled in glee.

“Matt… I… That’s amazing! Congratulations man!” Enjar beamed at his friend, who nodded. “We wanted to wait for a bit before we told anyone. Only our parents know… and now you, cause uh…” Matthew rubbed the back of his neck.

“But… uh, I just wanted to like… I mean I know you’re not religious, and I mean I’m not either, so like you can say no, if you want… but we wanted them to have a connection to you so… Uh… What I’m trying to say is… Will you be the baby’s Godfather?” Enjar recoiled a little in surprise, his eyebrows shooting up as he considered it for half a second, his head beginning to nod.

“Yeah. Yes, of course. I-” Tears welled up in Enjar’s eyes, warmth filling his chest. The fact his best friend had asked him to do something so special. His lip wobbled as he choked out, “Matt-” pulling his friend into another hug.

Matthew felt his friend’s body shaking as Enjar began to cry. He hadn't expected this reaction, and how much it would mean to the lonely lighthouse keeper. Matthew wasn’t sure what to do, but soon the tears were welling up in his eyes too.

“Thank you, Enjar… Thank you…” He whispered.

~~

Pulling apart after a while, Enjar rubbed his eyes. “Jeez… I haven’t… I haven’t felt like this since Anna had Jonas.” He chuckled. Matthew smiled nervously. “Yeah.” Enjar frowned, “Hey, what’s up?” He looked suddenly concerned.

Matthew’s eyebrows knitted together, as he stared at the fading sunset. “En, do you think I’ll be a good dad? I just… I don’t wanna fuck my kid up, ya know?” Enjar smiled. “Matthew. You’ll be a great dad. I promise. Besides, I’ll always be here to keep you in line.” Matthew shot him a thankful look, that soon turned into a mischievous grin. “So, that means no more hiking without water!” Enjar raised his hand’s in surrender, “I know… I know.”

After finishing their food and packing up, the two friends got ready, sliding into their tents and bidding each other good night. Enjar was passed out in seconds, Matthew listening to the sounds around him, the crickets, the leaves rustling and even Enjar's gentle snoring.

When Matthew woke that morning, he peaked into Enjar’s tent window. He was still there, sleeping peacefully and very heavily. He was lying gently on his side, arms curled beside him, the only thing moving was his chest as he breathed. He must be really tired.

Matthew left him alone, and began to cook breakfast. 10 minutes in, he heard a grunt and movement in Enjar’s tent, before it went still again. Matthew glanced up as he heard Enjar move again, sighing. After a moment of stillness again, there was more shuffling, the tent moving a little, until a very disheveled looking Enjar emerged. Shadows sat under his eyes and messy hair hung limply around his face as he got out of the tent.

“Morning!” Matthew chirped, smiling happily. Enjar looked at him, still half asleep and groaned a reply. He waddled over to the stream, washing his face in the water and smoothing his hair down, before walking back to the camp and plopping heavily down next to Matthew, who was serving up the breakfast.

He was still drained from yesterday. They ate in silence again, Matthew giving Enjar the time he needed to wake up. Despite living in a lighthouse, Enjar was not a morning person, even after ten years of doing his job, which tragically, required him to be.

They cleaned up the site, packing away their tents last, having left them out to dry. Enjar seemed to be a bit more awake now, smiling as he worked. As they hiked away, ensuring they both had enough water, the lighthouse keeper glanced back at the clearing, a place now very special in his heart. He was excited for what the future held for his friend…

Life, in that moment, was perfect.

~masterlist~

[4pplec0re]

mostly bodies. hair and faces and anatomy. maybe coloring, but i don't usually color my work so don't be obliged to answer that

i appreciate the help :)

alright i’ll try my best 🙏 just for u anon

my biggest tip (kind of general. but yeah) is to not let yourself get to the point of absolutely hating drawing. sometimes i won’t be able to figure out how to draw something and genuinely get so upset that i have to walk away for a while, and that’s okay! after i calm down (and maybe have a snack LOL), i go back to it. sometimes i even restart my sketch entirely if i think it’s beyond saving, and usually the next attempt comes out good :)

you’ve heard this a million times before, i’m sure, but references references references. they were Not lying when they said you should use references. i use them all the time even now. a big thing that helped me was sketching over top of a picture of someone doing whatever pose i want to draw, breaking it down into shapes, and doing a second sketch on top of that one of the actual anatomy. if you’re interested i have quite a few references on this Pinterest board of mine!

adding onto above, the “simple shapes” in question are typically a very very simply shaped skeleton. like this fellow!

(sorry the image is fucking massive idk why it does that) also good to note that typically, your elbows should meet your waist, and your hands should meet your mid-thigh, but don’t be afraid to play with that a bit 🙏

i was stubborn and didn’t do this for YEARS and years but flipping your canvas is actually so so helpful… sometimes i flip my canvas and suddenly i notice that my character is doing that fuckass micheal jackson pose and im like why are you literally italic

i have started to not think too hard about it when im drawing hands and my life has been bliss. idk how else to explain this one… might just be from drawing hands so many times. but yeah. i do Not do that whole finger segment thing anymore i just don’t have the brainpower to make it work personally

as for hair just remember how you want it to be shaped mostly. idk. i love drawing hair so it’s just muscle memory at this point for me 😭🙏

faces… i don’t know i just don’t use that many lines. enough to convey the expression you want, i suppose. but that could just be a stylistic thing!

SKULLS ARENT CIRCULAR… they’re more like ovals. this tip saved my life when it came to drawing side profiles

ALSO ALSO IF YOU WANTyour character to look more up or more down their ear should like. be above their actual face for looking down and below the face if they’re looking up. like this

all i did here was move her face (+bangs) down or up depending on which way his head was facing!!

in conclusion please remember im literally just some teen who likes to draw i haven’t even taken any professional classes so take this all with a grain of salt… i am seriously not lying when i say my process is fuck around and find out LOL but i hope this helps!!!

[thegeminisage]

ok, it's star trek update time. tonight we watched ds9's "playing god" and tng's "eye of the beholder."

playing god (ds9):

i'm trying. SO SO SO HARD to get into dax and it's just not working

out of the 3 dax episodes we've had so far this one included two of them have been mid and one of them was just slightly better than average mostly for the questions it prompted in my mind palace, not necessarily the questions asked by the episode itself

in s1 dax had basically no personality, but in s2 when she does have a personality it seems to be a different one every time. like in one episode she was very prissy and in others she's just one of the guys! and then at other times she reverts to this very buttoned up bordering on bland science officer from s1 again

and then every once in awhile she'll be like oh yeah i LOVE sex i LOVE being a super hot woman who everyone wants to FUCK!!! i can get whatever i want with my SEX APPEAL even though my hair is WEIRDLY SHAPED. and look i am so happy for her and she should literally get some but it borders on the kind of misogyny that starts genuinely annoying me. it is kind of like that anime trope where the teen boy gets put into a body with tits and he can't stop messing with them. its like. idk reducing her to a body, or reducing her to jadzia's body, which dax is taking for a ride to feel hot and fuckable?? it's very blurry what's jadzia and what's dax

WHICH is the most fascinating part of dax, which is where the trill ends and the symbiant or however you spell it begins, but we don't get into that quite as much as i'd like

anyway i guess a shifting personality is a natural result of living 7 lifetimes but it doesnt FEEL like thats why theyre doing it, it FEELS like they just cant seem to keep her consistent

that said. while i did not like this episode or this little guy dax was showing around i DID like the implication that curzon was actually a huge fucking asshole. i love that he can be loved by many people but was still an asshole. it's complex. and now one of the people he abused (?) or at least was an asshole to is now. his successor. IT'S COMPLEX!!! what are he and jadzia to each other...imagine meeting curzon dax and then just becoming him. that's wild. so, points for that! genuinely. it just feels like the trill thing is fascinating because of trills and not because of jadzia dax in particular. i'm gonna keep trying to like her. maybe once she starts banging worf things will be different

eye of the beholder (tng):

ohhhh i hated this one so much (suicide cw for this one lol)

firstly, i don't trust tng to handle the subject of suicide any more than i trust them to handle multiple personalities, but they tried to very special episode it anyway. all of them were so shocked at the very THOUGHT of it i guess because they eliminated all mental illness in tos?? but it was so funny in the rage-inducing way like "maybe he needed to think of the obstacles in his life as challenges to overcome!" come on.

also lmao picard like ive never had to report a suicide before...........girl you have literally told 2 people to kill themselves

and then they dropped the very special episode plot halfway through for this psychic mystery...

here's the thing. if everyone had been searching for a REASON someone who seemed to be perfectly happy would do this, and in the end the answer was just "nothing was going on, he was just hiding a lot of pain, even if we don't want to believe that" that would have been a STELLAR gutpunch. but there literally was foul play involved

AND NOT ONLY THAT! BUT THEY FAKED ME OUT WITH WORF E DEANNA

my ONLY consolation was that they were finally kissing and then later fucking but NO!!!! all a dream

i was already conflicted because deanna e worf means a temporary breakup from deanna e riker but i wanted it anyway and i was so happy when they gave it to me and then they KILLED IT? maybe the actors hated it because it fucking sucked

like, no wonder everybody let deanna walk around unsupervised when there was a high suicide danger. she was dreaming. no one in real life would ever allow this

i wish also that creepy men would stop coming to deanna's quarters to be creepy to her

final note: was told the creepy man was in spn. clocked him as alistair almost immediately. faceblind WHO

TOMORROW: ds9's "prophet and loss" and tng's "genesis" (dread).

[nerves-nebula]

So I had this genius idea of making a guide on how to draw your Casey (my particular style at least)

Step 1: Draw a rectangle. It's literally that easy.

Step 2. Draw a diagonal line that is longer than the rectangle above the head. If you're drawing him the size I am here, that's about 2 fingers above. If he's bigger, choose a size that looks right to you, there's no right way to do it.

Step 3: Add a straight (lol) line on the right side of the diagonal line and a slightly crooked line on the left side.

Step 4: Try your fucking hardest to draw wavy triangles at the bottom and connect them to the rectangle. Congrats, you just finished the second hardest part and most of his hair.

Step 5: This is optional, I personally don't do it, but you can erase the top part of the rectangle to help draw the bangs easier. Cause making the bangs easy to draw saves you a lot of screaming in agony over goddamn TRIANGLES.

Step 6: Ohoho GOOD LUCK WITH THIS ONE- Draw some more wavy triangles from hell as short or as long as you want. You want him to have some face? Cool. Nothing but a mouth? Also rad.

Step 7: Shade that fucker in and give yourself some positive reward cause you're almost done!

8: Draw teeny tiny lines at the bottom of the rectangle for his beard. Then make a half moon shape to start his smile (or whatever shape gives you the emotion you want him to have). Draw a thick line somewhere in that smile (I usually go directly in the middle or close to) and give the smile some pointiness at both ends. Don't forget to add a little shading up by his hair for his acne scars (I always add those cause me too, Casey)! You are now DONE (with my version of him at least!)!!

ALSO PLEASE GIVE CREDIT TO THE ORIGINAL CREATOR, @nerves-nebula , Casey is its, not mine!

If you couldn't tell, Nerves, your boy is my newest hyperfixation (he just like me fr), so thank you for creating him and bringing him to life! ❤️❤️❤️

oh pog. its kinda interesting seein how u do it lol. here's a gif of me drawin CASEY mAH BOY real quick :)

honestly mine isnt that different from yours, i also tend to start off with the hair slant & the bottom of the face.