#but i always think that if I were ever render her in a 3d setting (or animation where she turns her head) her hair would have to make sense

[musubiki]

mochi if i made her hair slightly more realistic and didnt exaggerate the fluffiness

[ladyyatexel]

I Went On A Manga Binge

So you don't have to

For those of you who have wisely avoided the shreds of it I've left around the blog thus-far, I had some weird notion to go re-experience Yu-Gi-Oh uuuuuh a week ago? We'll go with that. Time is meaningless.

I'd been able to read a good portion of the early manga at the end of highschool, and somewhere in my stacks and stacks of paper is fanart from this dark time, so you know I cared. I also still own a Dark Magician action figure somehow, so. I'd also watched a large portion of the anime with my brother because it had been laced with some kind of crack and we couldn't look away? I remember when we both were just like shit, wait, don't change the channel, I can't stop looking at it. And the next thing we knew we were waiting for new episodes and I was doing research on the Japanese original because I was that kid.

Anyway, unnecessary backstory out of the way, here are some... let's call them Observations and Consequences of having read somewhere in the neighborhood of 300 chapters (and growing) of a manga primarily hinged on card games from a spectrum of sources ranging from boringly lawful to sketchy as fuck.

Surprise actual character that develops in typical shounen fashion being Jounouchi. My limited experiences with the 4Kids dub and only early manga had not painted him in a particularly good light. I don't know if episodes were being aired out of order or if I had just missed the ones that established that he was making shit up as he was going along, but Wow I liked him a lot more going through the manga than I ever did watching the (dubbed, heavily edited and censored and thrown into a slurry machine) anime. I'd managed to come out with the impression that he was just as reasonably experienced with the game as Yugi back in the day. Wild.

I'm now reading every single comic-style post on Tumblr backwards.

Striking inverse to first point, wow, I don't like Seto Kaiba. Though he gets points for his general philosophy of the future, and the line I read in my sketchy online combo of scans and scanlations in which he said, "If God is in your way, you run him down," was Metal As Fuck. I somewhat shame-facedly admit to enjoying him a lot more as an Abridged Series character. (I watched Abridged as it came out back in the day! The experience of watching the anime with my brother had been so fresh that I got all the in jokes about the way things were edited and dubbed, it was great. Series remains influential part of my life to this day, which is hella weird.)

I almost understand how Duel Monsters works now. I don't want this.

That said, wow a lot of the decisions made in the anime made everything a lot more ridiculous than the admittedly already ridiculous original. I got the distinct feeling in the manga that the Duelist Kingdom stuff we were seeing was designed to be used and exploited in ways that don't make sense in an actual cardgame just played on a table like a normal person and this was part of testing everyone to think higher, differently. Maybe this is obvious to everyone already, I don't know. I had always liked that it was very, 'Not so fast, I'm going to blow up the moon to change the tides,' but I'm not really sure the anime gave enough explanation that this was an extra layer added to things for that event? You can see people actively getting used to it in the books, and people who aren't considering the real or 3D nature of it getting owned, but my memory of anime version is everyone just like, 'oh, shucks, fuck me, I forgot to consider the phase of the moon before i played this card, can't believe I forgot.' No one calls Yugi on any of this stuff because it's valid play in that situation. Plus Yami Yugi had mad trickster energy in the beginning and it suited him to think of ways to do things inside these little simulation boxes the way it suited him to set perverts on fire. I imagine the real card game trying to emulate this element as something that would be to its detriment, but I neither know nor particular care haha

Ryou Bakura.

Really, though. I think he became kind of casualty of 'wow, we have a lot of characters who really aren't able to do anything in this story anymore,' despite the fact that his whole inner life could have been as interesting as Yugi's. I always like thinking about the possibilities of stories in which main character falls into magical world and is given magical item and told they're the hero and then they find out they've been the bad guy the whole time. The first several volumes of manga were about the quiet weirdo kid that no one talked to who was always blacking out and turning into a fucked up version of himsef because he was so attached to his ancient Egyptian jewelry, so like, Bakura could have much the same shit going on. I want to know what's happening with him so much. He clearly doesn't love being possessed, but he's also so drawn to the ring. Despite it having stabbed him at least twice and him knowing it's a danger to him and his friends, he keeps being pulled back into it. You see so much more of him being like, 'Oooh, a creepy thing, I love that! :D' in the manga than ever in the anime, which I'm all about. Also more blood. I'm very about that as well. Though my memory of the anime also made it look very much like normal regular daily Bakura was just a weird facade in places before he ever would have been. I think that was it trying to compensate for what people didn't see from the Toei anime, but okay whatever, that I love everything about this guy is not news, I don't need to talk about Bakura excessively here, I'm pretty sure that's gonna show up on my blog by itself

On a related note though, damn, more of these people need to talk to each other. Can we have some existential crisis support clubs or something. Can we get like some apologies or something? "I respect you as a duelist." "Cool, but you literally built a tower designed to specifically assassinate me and my friends? You were supposed to get Better after I retaliated by putting you in a coma, but you kinda didn't." "Why would the coma have made it better" "I just told you it didn't" ---- "Sorry I went along with the plan of your evil parasite stabbing you, misled you, and then also jumped in and took up some real estate in your head too." "I understand, I also have an evil thing inside me that does things while I'm blacked out." "...no, I was conscious for all of that." "Oh." "..." "..." "..." "Do you like Ouija Boards?" "sure okay" ETC. Like damn we are reading shounen manga because no one is talking extensively about their feelings here and I'm tapping my foot angrily.

Holy shit there are so many mythologies happening at once. The ancient family guarding the Egyptian Pharaoh has a surname that's a Mesopotamian goddess. None of the god cards make any Egyptian sense except Ra, and just like. Baaarrrrely. Somewhere either Evil Ring Bakura or Mar/lik makes a reference to cremation and spirits being taken to heaven with smoke which several things, but definitely not Ancient Egyptian. Marik/Malik meanwhile is clearly trying to head Arabic, along with Rishid, but then, hey, our sister is just Isis. Goddess McGoddess. Sometimes they're the same goddess! Her name could be Isis Isis or Ishtar Ishtar. Meanwhile, all the obviously 'occult because Christians think it is freaky' stuff. ~ancient egyptian pentagrams~~~This isn't a complaint, I guess so much as a 'Wow, I can kind of see the cultural spot the author was coming from and where he was aiming' kind of thing.

Wonder where things would have gone if the card games had not been latched onto the way they were.

Managed to forget how gross the pre-cardgames stuff was on the sexual harassment front. I'm glad there was a sort of explanation of everyone drifting away from being dick heads and that that decision was made. It got way more comfortable to read after no one was bringing Yugi p*rn on VHS.

Yugi looks better with a nose, glad we got that upgrade.

Interesting to watch the series style shift as it goes away from being horror to being over the top cardgames and friendship (with blood!). The first picture of Mokuba is fucking Jarring. Also noticed that the nicer a character is, the less their teeth are defined.

Glad manga did not go as completely off the fucking the rails about Marik's face. I never got as far as seeing him back in the day because college occurred, but I remember seeing pictures and stuff and being like, "what in the Fuck happened to that dude, I think the house style has collapsed in on itself"

Things the author Really Likes: motorcycles, belts, SHOES, holy shit the shoes. These are some of the most lovingly rendered sneakers I've ever seen. All the detail on his characters goes straight to their feet and then it's stretched upward until it forms stiff peaks. Gently fold in 3000 years of trauma and bake face down in a crumb coat of scattered mythology. Remove when you roll two zeros.

Where the fuck am I going to put the extremely large omnibus volumes of this comic I purchased in order to balance out how much I would be reading for free on the internet. I should have grasped that a three in one edition would be Thick and yet somehow I was still :O when it arrived. Have I strategically purchased volumes that contain my favorite parts, maybe, what's it to you will i eventually get the whole thing because incomplete book series gnaw on my soul? yes

Wish the transition from "I've murdered several people in delightfully karmic ways" to "all you need is friendship in your heart and cards in your hand" Yami Yugi/Pharaoh had been discussed more/transitioned better. Buddy, where did you get this approved for television high horse? Please go back to strangling people with yo-yos or at least tell me why you stopped.

I still can't tell anything that looks like a big robotic monster apart from any other big robotic monster. My dude, I can't tell cars apart, all these monsters look the same.

Yami Yugi fascinated me way more in highschool? Maybe because it was still super early and the anime was like 'we need to torture you about his origins WeEkLy. Now I'm just like 'wait hold on, can we go back to Bakura and Marik for a minute, there's some extreme unpacking to do here?' Those two are paying so much more in baggage fees here my guy wow

Violently uninterested in any of the spinoff media

[quietlyimplode]

Whumptober2020 - Day 5 - Rescue

Tony/ Pepper + Clint/Nat

Day 1 - waking up restrained // Day 2 - kidnapped // Day 3 - manhandled // Day 4 - caged

“What if she’s not ok Tony?” Pepper says quietly. Pepper knows Natasha’s history more than most; disclosed to her through conversation and work. Tony only knows because he’s hacked all her files. Shield, the KGB, anything really he could get his hands on. He may know more about her history than she does. Not that he’ll ever tell her that. Natasha knows that he’s memorised all of her and somehow he’s not dead. Maybe it’s like having a witness; someone to see all your bad and all your scars and still treat you as human. Isn’t that all anyone wants?

“She’s always ok, Pep.” He says reassuringly. “She’s always ok,” but this time more to himself. Ending the call, he focuses on flying.

——-

The call comes through on his phone which, he chooses to ignore; he’s almost got it, he just needs to - if the damn thing won’t stop ringing. Sighing softly, Tony covers his ears and turns up the music outside. It’s rare for Clint to call him but he really hates answering the phone and does not want to hear what’s happening - not on his own terms at least. Let him leave a voice mail if it’s so urgent.

Continuing to focus on his build; Tony is blissful; for once competing priorities are at a low and he knows that he can dedicate his time to this, it’s something for him, and no one is going to-

“Tony?”

He feels his eyes roll to the back of his head. If he could, he would groan; but it’s Pepper and he respects her too much to tell her to go away. But he wants to; he really really wants to.

“Tony, it’s Clint.”

Pepper puts the phone on his table and puts it on speaker. Clint wastes no time.

“Natasha’s been kidnapped. She was taken off the roof of our hotel adjacent building. There was a struggle. I need your help. This is a secure line.”

Each sentence is like a blow.

He wants to ask Clint why he’s calling him. Why not go through the proper channels; though instinctively he knows why. He’s faster. He has way more of a chance of finding Natasha than any one else does - he has the tech and the ability to analyze quicker than any of them; and Clint knows it.

He starts hacking into their last mission debrief;

“Where are you?”

There’s a beat and Tony assumes Clint’s looking at the coordinates on his phone. Converting them quickly into a 3D model rendering he’s suddenly in Rabat, Morocco.

“Rabat? You’re in Rabat?” What the actual fuck. He saw the pair yesterday. Actually; was it yesterday? Maybe it was the day before. He forgets he loses time.. Maybe he needs a clock that sporadically says the date and time or he could program The Robot to do it. He does some quick calculations.

“That’s a 12 hour flight commercial, maybe 6 by quinjet, maybe 2 by suit. I’ll re-task one with medical now.”

Putting Clint on mute he looks towards Pepper who hasn’t left the spot she was standing in. She looks scared and worried and hasn’t moved an inch.

“Pepper?” Moving over to her, he tucks some loose hair behind her ear, “you with me?”

She gives a nod, “yeah.”

“Yeah?” He sees her try to swallow this down. He takes her hand. “I need your help. Will you be ok in the quinjet? We’ll need to pick them up once they’re safe.”

Pepper stands straighten herself and nods, confidently.

“I can do that, I’ll pick up the medical team on the way.”

She’s coming back to herself now. All business.

“Can you send the co-ordinates when you know them? The quicker I go, the quicker I get there.”

He’s shaken her loose now, Pepper knows there’s time for grief and worry and fear when this is over. Battle stations.

This isn’t the first time, he’s sure it won’t be the last. Today Natasha, tomorrow him. Who knows.

He does wish it wasn’t Natasha though and he knows it’s now personal for Pepper as well.

Their friendship borne of being in male dominated fields - a powerful alliance of friendship and knowledge.

Pepper sets off, transferring the call to Tony so she can make calls to the relevant authorities to land their jet in the airspace.

Tony unmutes Clint and turns back to the task at hand.

“I’m looking at satellite footage, when was she taken?”

The silence that hangs makes it clear that Clint doesn’t know.

“We got back to the hotel, ate and then she left for the scout point. She was on first watch. I think she has her earpiece in. Can you track that?”

Tony doesn’t even touch on the fact that Natasha and Clint wear Starktec earpieces in missions; and not the generic ones. Natasha must have hooked them up to the correct frequencies so that no one would be the wiser.

He types quickly, looking for the relevant frequencies and pings any radio waves off that one. He bypasses the ones that are in Spain and Portugal - whilst feasible she may have been taken there it’s more likely they kept her in country. Narrowing it down he finds a likely mark - it’s a weak signal but feels like it adds up.

“She’s about 21 miles from you, the earpiece is pinging from an importer warehouse.”

He checks his suit and calculates how quickly he can get there, maybe two hours at full speed? Grabbing a quick drink of water and granola bar he starts to head out, filling Clint in as he goes.

“I can meet you there but it’s going to take me around two hours flying at full speed; even if we get her the jets going to be 4 hours behind me. Do you have a plan?”

He waits for Clint to say anything and when he doesn’t he realises that Clint’s running on fumes.

“I’m on my way. Head to the warehouse; I know you are anyway, and I’ll meet you there. The warehouse is guarded - I would advise not to engage tactically it’d be better to have a diversion and get her out when attention is elsewhere.”

Tony is the the launch pad, pushing off he thinks out loud “Who are these guys?”

He has the warehouse on his holo, the warehouse is swarming. He wants to be clear to Clint that going in solo is suicide, Natasha appears to be in the bowels of the warehouse and he only knows that because the signal she gives off is so weak. Underground is the only thing that makes sense.

“Clint; so you know; they’re everywhere. If you can; wait for my signal. Get yourself in position I’ll be there as soon as I can, I’m swapping to your comms line now. The jets already left, Pepper is on board, and a med team”

He checks Pepper’s whereabouts, she’s done well to get out so quick.

“They’ll be there in just under 6 hours. We will have to get her out and get to the airport.”

Tony thinks for a minute. If they can get her location maybe they can talk to her.

“ Let’s try and get her on coms.. If she’s conscious…” he leaves that thought hanging.

He concentrates on the directions he’s getting and the trajectory path of New York to Morocco.

“Anyway. I’m now on comms, I’ll catch you soon bird boy. Hang tight.”

Tony disconnects.

He can zone out whilst flying but doesn’t; he calls Pepper to check in.

“You ok?” He opens, sending the airport coordinates to the quinjet.

Pepper answers with a yes, let’s him know she’s received the info and lets Dr Cho say hello. That’s good, Natasha likes (which may be a too strong a word) the good doctor. At least they have more of a chance of getting her stable and to a hospital should it be necessary. They’ve also picked up medical supplies and the jets stocked with some food and water.

“What if she’s not ok Tony?” Pepper says quietly. Pepper knows Natasha’s history more than most; disclosed to her through conversation and work. Tony only knows because he’s hacked all her files. Shield, the KGB, anything really he could get his hands on. He may know more about her history than she does. Not that he’ll ever tell her that. Natasha knows that he’s memorised all of her and somehow he’s not dead. Maybe it’s like having a witness; someone to see all your bad and all your scars and still treat you as human. Isn’t that all anyone wants?

“She’s always ok, Pep.” He says reassuringly. “She’s always ok,” but this time more to himself. Ending the call, he focuses on flying.

-

Clint contacts him to let him know he’s arrived. Checking the screen he lets Clint know he’s about 45 minutes out. He marks out Clint - knowing now where he is from the feedback of his earpiece and watches as he move around the warehouse. Less than ten minutes pass before he’s back to where he started. There’s static in his earbud and they’re just in time to hear Natasha yelling Clint’s name.

Tony double checks - Clint must have cleared up the frequencies. Clint's saying her name reverently but Tony needs to know what she knows; apparently though, Natasha knows less. She doesn’t sound good though. Her breath is hitching and there’s definitely something she’s not telling them.

“We’re coming for you,” he says; more to himself than to Natasha

He boosts his thrusters and tries to turn 30 minutes into 5. He’s twenty minutes away when it starts.

Screaming.

Natasha screaming. It is confronting and hurts him to his soul. His nightmares will have nightmares about this.

He sees Clint scrambling.

Fuck.

“Clint! Wait! Don’t go in!”

He gets it, he does, but there’s too many of them. He sets off two smaller missiles, targeted for the front of the building. He hopes the building has some sort of structural integrity that it doesn’t collapse on his team mates. He sends off another on to firework and draw fire. Natasha is still screaming and coughing and moaning. Sounds that no-one should be making. It’s going on too long. How many rounds of this were there for her?

And then there’s silence.

They’ve either injected her with something or killed her.

He pushes his body and his suit to get there faster, and upon arrival it’s a clean up mission. They don’t feel professional or well organised - but he draws more fire on arrival and takes a perverse pleasure in counting them out. He sees Clint arrive at Natasha; and almost feels that he shouldn’t be a part of this intimacy; this rawness.

Clint's trying to rouse her, he’s saying her name with tenderness, there’s nothing until…

Tony feels a bit like crying at whimper and moans that are coming from Natasha. It’s at odds with the woman who gives the best poker face; even when she’s stubbed her toe on the corner of a table or rocks up to debrief with a broken arm and a black eye like it’s nothing.

He lands close to the black car that Clint’s obviously stole, and waits for him to come out. Clint’s bundled Natasha in a blanket. Eyeballing her, she’s semi-conscious but not all there, he’s not even sure she’s aware that he’s there.

“I’ll meet you at the airport,” Clint acknowledges that he’s spoken and puts Natasha in the passenger seat.

Tony links in with Pepper who lets him know they’ll be there in less than an hour, thank god. He lets her know they’ve got Natasha but she’s in rough shape.

He’s waiting at the airport and greets the jet when it lands.

“They’ll be here soon.” He says by way of greeting.

Pepper nods. He acknowledges Dr Cho, and thanks her for coming.

Cho knows Natasha is a horrible patient, preferring to suffer in silence.

Tony could go a lifetime without Natasha being hurt and hearing those sounds ever again. He’s switched off the comms hearing Clint talk everything and nothing to keep Natasha awake.

They wait in relative silence. Tony watches them arrive and Pepper follows him out to greet them.

Clint is holding her and there’s blood everywhere. Pepper gasps audibly and heads back into the quinjet to find Dr Cho, they get her into the jet, and Tony helps straps Clint in - he goes to wrap it around Natasha as well but is stopped by the shake of a head.

“She needs to go to the hospital,” Tony says to no one in particular.

Cho is eyeballing Natasha from the side.

“Do you think she’ll let me look at her?”

They watch Natasha move and bury herself into Clint’s arms. They all hear her rattling breath.

“Clint,” Tony tries again, “medical are the only ones who can deal with all of this.”

He watches Natasha tremble in Clint’s arms and then as he brushes her hair away from her ear. He pretends not to hear Clint ask Natasha whether she wants to be sedated. The shake of her head cements her position in stone.

Tony looks to Cho, “anything you can do from here?”

Clint looks scandalous.

“Fuck off Tony, she said no.”

“She’s losing blood, Clint! She’s clearly got broken ribs, I can hear her breathing. Not to mention a concussion - and I can see the taser burns.”

Clint looks uncomfortable.

“She said no, Tony. I’m not going make her.”

Tony drops it. Sarcastically apologises to Cho for coming.

They’re about 3 hours in when Natasha starts to seize.

——-

Hopefully chuck this under a cut tomorrow. Tomorrow we continue from this one leaves off.

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Keeping Me Alive

Chapter 8: I Am Machine

By @dracusfyre

On his first day back from Afghanistan, the portrait of Howard seemed to stare at him accusingly as Tony let himself into his workshop. It looked like it hadn't been touched since the day he left. The rest of the empty, echoing house was pristine, no doubt visited by cleaners the minute Ms. Potts got confirmation that Tony was coming home, but the workshop had always been off limits; there was even a film of dust over his cars, Tony noticed. Everything was as he left it with one exception: he found the blueprints to the armored suit on his desk along with a note. Looking forward to seeing what you come up with when you’re not in a cave – Stane. 

“Fuck you,” Tony swore, then balled up the note and threw it in the garbage. He stared at the plans for a moment, the ragged edges and stains from repeated handling, the notes along the edge in Yinsen’s neat handwriting, the crisp creases that came from Stane. With an explosive sound of rage, he shoved them off his desk, along with his tools and a mug from MIT that he used for pens and pencils; it shattered on the cement floor with a sharp crash. He sat down heavily in his chair and buried his face in his hands.

Tony realized he had been staring at his empty desk for some time when Ms. Potts tapped on the glass door to the lab. When he glanced up and saw her, she waved at him with a smile and pointed at the plastic bag she had in one hand. “JARVIS, let her in,” he said, scrubbing a hand over his face and plastering some sort of expression there that approximated normal, whatever the hell that was these days. “Hello, Ms. Potts, what can I do for you today?”

“Hi, Mr. Stark, welcome home,” she said, eyes running over him with worry. She started to come around the desk to set down the carryout bag, and came up short when she saw the mess on the floor. She looked from it to Tony, who avoided her eyes, and with a soft sound she just nudged everything out of the way with the toe of her shoe. As she pulled out the food - Italian, from the smell – Tony suddenly realized he was starving. With a grateful smile, he pulled out the plastic fork and started to eat. She found a stool and pulled it over, stealing a warm breadstick from the bag. “You just got home, are you sure you should be back to work already?” she said with concern, tactfully not bringing up the mess on the floor at her feet.

“It’s worse when I’m just sitting around,” Tony answered, shrugging as he took a bite of manicotti. “I like to be busy.” The truth was, he wanted to go out his front door and walk until he couldn't walk anymore; his house felt like just as much of a prison cell as the cave had.

She looked dubious but didn’t argue. “I have your mail, if you want to take a look at it,” she said, pulling it out of her bag. “Mostly social invitations, once people heard you were coming home.”

“Just leave them, I’ll look at them later.”  He expected her to leave, but instead she lingered, chewing on her lip like she wanted to say something but was afraid to. “Was there something else?”

“Just…are you sure you’re alright? I thought you’d be, I don’t know…happier? To be home. If there’s anything I can do, I would be...” She trailed off as Tony put down his fork, eyes stinging and throat too tight to swallow. “I’m sorry, I overstepped, I’ll just-”

“You’re right, I’m not okay,” Tony said, glancing up to meet her worried gaze when he thought he could do it without breaking down. “But it’s nothing you can fix, so I’m just - for now at least – going to build things so I can pretend everything is okay.”

Ms. Pott’s gaze softened, and Tony had to look down at his food because she looked like given the least provocation she would give him a hug, and right now Tony wanted that more than he wanted to breathe. After a moment, he heard her sigh, and she said, “Ok. I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Stark.” Tony smiled faintly when he saw her take another breadstick from the stack as she stood.

“See you tomorrow, Ms. Potts,” Tony said to her back as she walked away.

Stane gave him three days before he came by to visit, bearing pizza and talking about board meetings and shareholders. Tony played along, nodding and offering comments in all of the appropriate parts, chewing the greasy pizza and waiting for him to get to the goddamn point already.

“So, Secretary Pierce was impressed by your little idea from Afghanistan,” Stane said as he got up and helped himself to some of Tony’s liquor. “He asked how long it would be until we had a prototype.” Tony knew what that meant: what Pierce wanted, Pierce better get. The man didn't rise to the top of Hydra by tolerating failure. 

“I don’t know,” Tony said, lying only a little bit. He didn’t know precisely how long it would take. Even though he hadn’t put pen to paper, the design had been running through his mind at all hours; just last night he had been brushing his teeth and realize SI had the patent to a gold-titanium alloy that would be lightweight but strong enough for the armor plating. Breakfast had reminded him of Howard’s repulsor technology, developed for the flying car project and since mothballed but much more efficient and effective than combustion propulsion. “This is something entirely different than what anyone has ever done before,” he pointed out. “The plans from Afghanistan were shit; I don’t even know if it was going to work.” That was a bigger lie. It would have. Not well, and not for long, but it would have gotten the job done.

Stane nodded thoughtfully, tapping his heavy gold class ring against the glass. “Of course. Well, we will be keeping an eye on you. I would suggest making this your priority, understand?”

“Yeah.” Not for the first time, Tony wished Stane would just fucking say what he meant. We are watching you. Do it now, or else. Suddenly done with the pretense of civil conversation, Tony got up and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. “Well, I guess I’ll get to it, shall I?” he said sarcastically, saluting Stane with the bottle as he took a drink, and left Stane in his living room as he went down to his workshop.

Tony resisted working on the suit for as long as he could, sick to death of being Stane’s dancing monkey. But the ideas in his head were driving him crazy, coming so thick and fast that he couldn’t think or sleep or even take a shower in peace. Finally, after a coffee fueled all-nighter, Tony was studying a 3D holographic rendering of the sleek, powerful suit that he’d been building in his mind for days now. As he watched the projection rotating slowly, he thought that there must be a word, in German or perhaps Russian, for the feeling when you are both proud and terrified of your own creation.

“Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds,” Tony muttered. The suit was the most impressive thing Tony had ever designed, armed with all the weapons that Tony could miniaturize and able to run indefinitely on the power from Tony’s new and improved arc reactor. It was fast, maneuverable, and immensely destructive; with JARVIS on board to automate flight calculations and targeting, it was easily a one-man army. Brilliant, beautiful, and awful, all at once.

Even as he admired it, the thought of Stane seeing this was a sharp stab of icy terror in his chest, difficult to even breathe around. He thought of an army of these darkening the sky, flown by Hydra agents. They wouldn't sell these, he knew; they were too powerful. Hydra would want to keep these all to itself. He didn't even want to imagine what Hydra could do with even one of them, much less ten or a hundred. Just thinking about it threatened to give Tony a panic attack, and for the first time in his life he realized that this time, it might be better to let Hydra kill the people he loved than to give in to their demands.

His finger hovered over the delete key as he wavered. He couldn't risk Hydra finding these blueprints, but it had occurred to him more than once that with this suit, he could stand a chance against Hydra, against their STRIKE teams and even the Winter Soldier. The same plan he'd had to escape the Ten Rings, but with higher stakes and much higher risk of discovery.

After a long moment, Tony exhaled, and scrubbed his hands over his face. He closed out of the program without deleting anything, hiding and encrypting it on JARVIS’s secret servers. He knew that Stane also had SI’s R&D branch working on one of these suits as well, and theirs was predictably prosaic and uninspired – overlarge, cast iron, required huge batteries to power, and relied on combustion propulsion. Basically, exactly what Tony was going to build in the cave, but bigger and more polished. It was as different from Tony’s design as a dump truck from a Ducat but Tony wasn't going to tell them that.

Stretching, Tony noticed a bottle of whiskey he'd grabbed earlier and forgotten about sometime in the middle of his work binge. There was still a corner of liquor left in the bottle, so Tony didn’t bother with a glass as he took a sip and climbed the stairs to the main floor. Now the question was, how stupid could he play with Stane before Hydra lost patience with him and started sharpening their knives?

[rambling-at-midnight]

Insomnia

Request: can you do a peter parker one where it’s him and tony’s daughter (she’s not an avenger) and just cute things like he catches her with his mask on or tony finds out they’re having sex and stuff

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

If anyone would like, I can create a Peter Parker x Reader Taglist. Tell me if you’d be interested in joining it! Or if you’d like to be added to my Forever Taglist. Or any Taglist, really!

Enjoy!

Being a Stark comes with a lot of perks. There’s the money, the influence, the brains, the technology... so basically everything.

Unfortunately, everything also includes insomnia.

It’s 3 a.m. and you’re still awake, though that may be because you’ve been on Instagram for the past four hours (yes, it’s a little pathetic, but guess what? Another thing you’ve gotten from your father is the mental issues so sometimes you need a little me time). But you would have put your phone down if you were starting to get tired. Besides, while some nights you’re able to fall asleep if you stay still enough for long enough, other nights you’re too restless to fall asleep quick enough and other times your brain simply refuses to turn off.

It’s easier to distract yourself with the memes.

Your boyfriend, Peter Parker, lets out a soft snore next to you and you freeze for a second. Thankfully he’s such a deep sleeper that your restlessness doesn’t usually bother him. Not that Tony would be happy to figure out how many nights you two spend together, but come on, you’re nineteen and can make your own decisions. It’s not like he behaved any better when he was your age.

You’d been surprised Peter was such a light sleeper considering his Peter-tingle, but as he reminds you over and over again (just like he reminds you not to call it the Peter-tingle but his spider sense) it only works for threats and apparently he’s decided you’re not a threat.

He really is gorgeous. You roll over and pillow your arm under your head, looking at him sleep with a small smile on your face. His floppy curls are definitely your favorite aspect of his appearance. But then again, his jawline is pretty great. And so are his cute brown eyes—when they’re open, of course. And even when they’re closed you can see how thick and long they are, resting on his cheeks.

There’s not really a way for you to pick a favorite feature of Peter’s. He’s just so perfect.

You reach out, fingers hovering over his cheekbones, before retracting your hand and huffing, rolling onto your back. Even though his Peter-tingle might not alert him to you being awake, touching him might still wake him and he hasn’t been sleeping like he should recently. He’s got so much college work and that on top of his patrols exhausts him. Whenever he’s in his bed he’s so tired he falls asleep instantly. It’s a quality you both admire and resent a little bit.

Before college, during the summer, Peter would stay awake until you were asleep on the nights you slept at a normal time. When you sleep you don’t move around and he can spoon you. Unfortunately, if you’re still trying to sleep you move around quite a bit, trying to find the perfect position, and it’s uncomfortable for him to be holding you as you toss and turn every few minutes. So, for the past few—you frown. How long has it been? Days? Weeks? Months? You haven’t been able to hold him and Peter hasn’t been able to hold you, at least while sleeping.

Muttering curses under your breath, you sit up and ease off the bed, watching Peter anxiously for the faintest sign that he’s woken. You don’t want to be the reason Spider-man can’t go on patrol because he’s too tired. You don’t want to be the reason Peter sleeps instead of going to his nine a.m. class. Most of all, you don’t want to be the reason Peter Parker gives up on his life because he’s too tired.

Your right ankle cracks when you take the first step and you wince, craning your neck to see if Peter’s awake. He doesn’t appear to be and you tiptoe out of the room with relief, completely unaware that Peter has been awake since your first sigh of annoyance.

He sits up, rubbing his eyes, when the door closes, and stares after you, a sleepy pout puckering his lips.

You know where everything is in the compound. You live here, after all. Therefore, lights are unnecessary as you pace down hallway after hallway, too far inside the building for windows to let in moonlight to assist in your endeavor. Nevertheless, you find yourself in front of the workshop in the end.

You’re not an Avenger. Much as you’d like to be one, you weren’t specially trained and you don’t have superpowers. You’ve never had the right temperament for it, anyway; quick flashes of temper would more often than not land you in more trouble than you’d like and your inexperience could render you useless when it comes to more complicated, sometimes inhumane, situations. Not that you’re useless in a fight; you can hold your own, ever since Nat took you away for that week-long ‘girl’s retreat’. Tony hadn’t liked it, but it was necessary.

He still thinks of you as his child and you haven’t been a child for a very long time, unfortunately.

Speaking of Tony; he, too, is in the workshop, sipping a cup of coffee. His hair is a mess. The brightness inside makes you squint. “Hey, Y/N,” he greets. “What, are you turning in? What time is it, 10?” He checks his watch without waiting for your response and tilts his head when he sees that it is exactly 3:12 in the morning. “I guess I got a little caught up in my work, huh?” He brandishes the wrench in his hand and sets it on the table. “What about you? Spiderling keeping you awake?” He winks.

You grimace. “Gross, Dad. You’re not supposed to talk about that stuff with me.”

Tony nods. “Yeah, I felt ridiculous just saying it. But I’ve gotta keep up with the times, you know? I’m still a cool kid.” He huffs a small laugh again. “Besides, I’d rather it’s Spiderling than anyone else, really.”

“No, I just... couldn’t sleep.” You raise one shoulder, voice light. “But you should get to bed. You have work in the morning. I can sleep in.”

“You really should try to stay on a better schedule,” your dad reminds you. The brief moment of conventional parenting doesn’t surprise you, but it is uncommon. Your dad always was the cool parent. Not that you had an uncool parent, after all; it was always just you and Tony.

Until Pepper. You like Pepper. She’s nice but strict—probably the epitome of the ‘uncool’ parent. But you’re already enough of an adult that she doesn’t mess with your life too much.

“I know,” you say heavily, kissing his temple and shutting down his project behind his back. “I’ll try, Dad. Good night.”

“Good night, honey.” Tony stands up and exits the workshop, leaving you alone in the quiet, too bright room.

You sigh again. Maybe you’re nocturnal and that’s why you never can fall asleep at the right time. “Hey, FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Ms. Stark?”

“Could you pull up designs for Spider-man’s next upgrade?”

“Certainly.”

The computer in front of you lights up and a 3D rendering of Peter’s next suit rotates once. You’re not an Avenger, but you can make their suits. It’s easy enough. It’s nice to be able to help out, anyway. And you’re never going to let Peter live down that he accidentally called his dick the ‘ol’ webshooter’ when, flustered, he told you it was a little tight in the crotch area.

Absently, you pick up one of the many masks Peter has gone through. It’s lying on the table next to the computer, the eyes shattered from a collision with a street sign. Without even thinking, you slip it over your own head. The material melds to the bone structure of your face, so comfortable you don’t notice but if it was made of anything else you’d feel suffocated.

“Why are you still awake?”

You jump and turn. Peter stands in front of you shirtless, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips, curls tousled and—stop, you mentally berate yourself. You can’t afford to get too excited right now because you know Peter won’t refuse you and he has class tomorrow.

Peter’s lips twitch when you pull the mask off your head hastily. “Why are you awake?” you accuse. “You have class tomorrow morning. Go back to sleep. I’ll be there in a few.”

Peter’s hands slip around your waist. You aren’t taken completely unawares; he’s headstrong and sometimes telling him to do something can make him want to do it even less. “The bed’s too cold without you.”

You sigh. “Oh, did I wake you up? I’m sorry. If you want, we can start to sleep in separate rooms again—”

“What? No!”

“—just on the nights you have stuff to do in the morning, because God knows I’ll keep you awake most nights anyway—”

“I have stuff to do every day, and—wait, most nights?”

“I’ve just been busy recently, Pete,” you mutter, relaxing into his hold and resting the side of your face against his warm, solid chest. “Can’t always turn the Stark brain off.”

Peter huffs a little bit. “Between you and Mr. Stark I’ve definitely got my hands full, huh?”

“Maybe when I become president I’ll convert the U.S. so that we’re nocturnal,” you suggest, giggling a bit. Peter plants a kiss on the top of your head.

“I’m sure you will. Now, come on,” he wheedles, “let’s go to bed.”

“Just a few more minutes—” you try, pushing away from his embrace, but unfortunately your boyfriend is a superhuman and doesn’t even budge. Instead, he keeps you caged in his arms and walks backwards, letting your legs drag behind your body.

“No,” Peter says firmly. He drags you all the way out of the room, turns off the light, and shuts the door before finally letting you go. “Now are you going to walk with me or do I have to carry you?”

You roll your eyes. “You’re insufferable.”

He grins down at you. “You love me, though.”

“Do I?” you tease. Peter’s lips press against yours, a gentle peck, and he pulls back and rubs his left eye.

“You need sleep,” he reminds you. “So do I. Come on.” And then he starts down the hallway, pulling you along. And maybe you yawn. Either way, he ends up as the big spoon and you don’t even toss and turn all that much.

Forever Taglist:

@lemirabitur @annymcervantes @queenmissfit @quiet-because-it-is-a-secret @iksey

[hquirks]

hello !!! omg yalls admin names are so CUTE it makes me hungry it’s currently 1am where im at 🤤 anyways if the boys at karasuno were youtubers instead, what kind of videos do u think theyd post? discussion is OPEN

Hi anon!! We’re glad you like our admin names !! We were pretty hungry when we made them hehe. Also thank you for this ask and for being our first anon!! We had a lot of fun doing this!! We were laughing so much while we were facetiming as we did it!! So thank you again and much love! Hope you enjoy!! ❤️ - Noodle ✨, BananaMilk 🐯, and Frice 🌊

Karasuno as YouTubers AU

School: Karasuno

Genre: Headcanons, fluff, crack

Warnings: one mention of alcohol

HINATA SHOYO & KAGEYAMA TOBIO

Hinata definitely dragged Kageyama to make this channel

He only agreed if they did things they both could do

So, they have a whole Volleyball 101 series like how to receive, block, set, etc. They also help teach like volleyball fundamentals and strategies!

They also do exercise and stretch tutorials

Kags would have a series of good and healthy food while Hinata would vlog about his days which mostly are about playing volleyball and biking lol PLUS interview his friends especially during training camps like Kenma and Bokuto.

They do lives sometimes but they always end up fighting/bickering somehow and it becomes popular content 

SUGAWARA KOUSHI

Actual DIY king!!

He has a DIY channel for pen pals, bookmarks, socks, candles, slime, etc.

He will even do the really weird life hacks to see if they work or not

Very soft and pastel with a sprinkle of chaos because it is Sugawara 

Vibes of those angry home cafe videos like one minute he’s making really cute cakes but another minute he’s punching the air and pouring chocolate all over his hand

His videos are popular not only because he’s so sweet and friendly (and chaotic) but also because he’s so pretty (has many girls and guys in the comments like “are you single uwu”)

SAWAMURA DAICHI

You know that dad on YouTube with the “how to…”? That’s Daichi

Examples of the videos are like “How to fix your tire” or “How to manage your finances” 

He also loves to tell about his life and just gives advice like “What it means to be responsible” or “Tips for proper and open communication”

Also has “funnier” bits like “How I managed 11 demons (10 children + 1 vice-captain)” 

(it’s 30 mins and most of the time it’s actually just chaotic bits of volleyball practice from their school and even when they are at the Japan camp)

(also the boys from the schools (read: Bokuto and Kuroo) take the camera at one point and just bombards the video)

NISHINOYA YUU & TANAKA RYUUNOSUKE

We all know they have a joint acct!! Their channel is like Korean Englishmen/Jolly

They love to vlog whether it's about school, their trips, volleyball practice, just anything!!

They also love to do all the challenges and trends

Their most viewed video is of them trying do the fire noodle challenge bc they almost DIED eating it 

(they chugged a whole bottle of milk between themselves and even went to the store to buy more and bathed themselves in it)

TSUKISHIMA KEI & YAMAGUCHI TADASHI

Their channel is like Buzzfeed Unsolved/The Watchers !!

Yama is Ryan and Tsukki is Shane. Chaos and debates obviously happen. 

Would collaborate with Tanka and Noya or the other first years to go to a local haunted house place together and record their reactions/experiences. Buzzfeed unsolved way. 

Separate sections: tsukki makes a playlist of music and yamaguchi local food restaurant reviews(think Worth It). 

Reaction videos to music videos (it’s fun to watch them because tsukki usually maintains his cool stance and yamaguchi is completely honest with his feelings. Tsukki mostly criticises and analyzes musical technicalities, but sometimes when he’s amazed you can see his eyes widen. 

YACHI HITOKA

Her channel is mostly drawing tutorials + speed painting!!

Also does Adobe product tutorials, very technical but also cutesy aesthetic like she has a her own character (that’s a baby chick) at the corner of her videos

Vlogs where she live records her drawing + sometimes rants about the torture of rendering 3D animation

She actually vlogged the one time she spent 28 hours at the library trying to render a video that was 1 minute and 30 seconds long...

She does some baking videos and sometimes does collab with Asahi’s channel!! Because of their height differences, the top of Asahi’s head is often cut off from the screen 

Kiyoko makes frequent appearances at Yachi’s channel and everyone loves when she comes on

SHIMIZU KIYOKO

She would have an ASMR channel that mostly focuses on her hands and the objects she’s using

She doesn’t like showing her face or having anything attached to her so no one ever knows it’s her (she’s uncomfy with all the attention vs. when she’s on Yachi’s channel where the attention is shared)

But she becomes like one of the top ASMR channels bc her vibes are really soft and also super aesthetic

Also, SOUND QUALITY !!! exquisite !!! best crunches, taps, scratches, etc. 

Her most popular ASMR video is the one where she roleplays as a witch

NARITA KAZUHITO & KINOSHITA HISAHI

They have an anime/Marvel channel together!

Top 10 Anime Betrayals, Top 10 Anime Deaths, Best 2020 Anime Shows, Could this character beat Goku discussion/debate, etc. You name it. They have it. 

They do reaction videos to anime shows/movies/marvel trailers. 

Civil War Debate: Who Was Right (a lot of differing opinions so its LONG), All Marvel movies Ranked, Funniest moments in Marvel compilations, etc. 

Their most popular video is when they made a funny video pretending to be BNHA heroes and have quirks. They invited the other 2nd years as well and it was a MESS but they had fun making it and editing it with bad effects and all.

ENNOSHITA CHIKARA

Of course our choir boy has a singing channel (covers, original songs, collaborations, etc.)

Plays guitar and sometimes posts acapella videos

He does youtube live with his fans and talks about his day, what he is working on, his favorite songs/musicals, etc. He answers their questions too!! 

Ennoshita does a collaboration series with Takeda sensei (our musical lover) reacting and discussing music videos/songs. Very knowledgeable and calming vibes

He does it with the Karasuno team too and those become his most popular videos because they are SOOO chaotic and funny. Complete opposite of when he does a collab with Takeda sensei

AZUMANE ASAHI

Mainly a cooking channel that specializes in easy recipes!!

He also does a miniature food series.You would think he would have a hard time but he is very adept with small instruments.

Bakes sometimes due to Yachi’s influence, loves to bake bread from scratch.

Fashion tips : “How to layer clothes,” “How to find your aesthetic”, “How to do monochrome looks right”, etc. 

He did a makeover series on the Karasuno team where he diagnoses and dresses them up from head to toe

One of his popular series is “How to cook/bake without a recipe” and the Karasuno group are invited to do it in teams! It is pure entertainment lol.

BONUS~

Coach Ukai and Takeda sensei make frequent appearances in Daichi’s channel / Hinata & Kageyama’s channel

Takeda sensei also goes food hunting with Yamaguchi sometimes and will leave reviews for the restaurant drinks (alcohol

[scripting-life]

FFVII: returning to my first love

 *peeks out of the corner of my lurking spot*

Hello? Anybody out there? It’s only been, oh you know, four-ish years since the last time I’ve posted anything here. I apologize in advance for anybody who’s still following me from my Castle days. If you couldn’t tell from my extended absence, I’ve mostly moved on. Castle and Beckett were fantastic characters that let me to play with some deep-dive analyses, and Castle will always hold a special place in my heart as my comfort show and my first real and extended experience with online fandom. I’ll always be grateful to the community I’ve had the joy of interacting with (or, the community with which I’ve had the joy of interacting, as Castle would correct me my dangling preposition).

I honestly didn’t think I would ever have reason to come back to Tumblr after Castle ended. But the FF7 Remake has returned me to my very first love--when I was young and innocent and before I knew anything about OTPs or ship wars. I’ve been back lurking for several months now and seeing all the fanart/fanfics and fun theories and analyses has reignited my enthusiasm for the FF7 franchise. It’s also fun coming back to this franchise with a more mature understanding of the themes/concepts that completely flew over my head as a young preteen.

(This ended up being super long, so the rest is below the cut to spare everyone the pain of scrolling. Apparently, my rambling tendencies have not changed at all. lol.)

When FF7R was officially announced (five freaking years ago!), I was filled with apprehension. FF7 was my first taste of a “grown-up” game. I was 11 and played my brother’s copy of the OG on PC in 1-2 hours spurts on the weekends when I visited his apartment. It took me months, if not years, to finish the game (I ended up stealing his copy to play on our computer at home...lol), and I was so blown away by it. I remember the exact moment I finished it and how I was literally shaking as I watched the ending FMV.

Later, when I found out my brother had a copy of FF8 (my poor brother was so accommodating to his annoying little sister...haha), I was so excited to play, in large part because I thought it would continue the story of FF7. Young, naive me didn’t understand the numbering conventions of Final Fantasy titles. I was madly theorizing and breaking my brain trying to find connections between the two games’ plots and had literally played through more than half the game before I finally realized the storyline of FF8 had absolutely nothing to do with FF7. I was sorely disappointed, and I think that has somewhat tainted my appreciation of future titles. Not to say I haven’t enjoyed the subsequent FF titles, but I think a little part of me is always comparing them to that first experience of wonder and awe that I had with FF7.

I discovered fanfiction in my teens and starting writing FF7/Cloti fics in college. Aside from interacting with a few fic writers at the time, I was not involved in any online communities, so I kept myself pretty free of any ship war drama and the like. When I did research for my fics, I’d sometimes see shipping sites and theories where I didn’t always understand the logic of how certain conclusions were reached, but frankly, I didn’t much care and didn’t realize that Clerith vs. Cloti was such a touchy subject. I was peripherally aware that some sort great LTD war was waging, of course, but it didn’t really touch me. I stayed in my Cloti shipping/fic-writing lane and was probably a lot happier for it. And, to be honest, based on FFN’s listings for FF7, I felt like I always saw a bunch of Sephiroth/Cloud fics and thought that was just as popular as the more conventional ships.

Graduating college and entering “real life” pretty much ended my FF7 fanfic-writing journey. In the intervening years between college and the release of FF7R, I haven’t gone back to the OG too much. I’ve played almost all the Final Fantasy games since then, and I always enjoy getting my FF7 crew fix when I play the non-canon mobile games or the Kingdom Hearts franchise. But FF7 was a happy part of my teenage years, and I was content to think on it with sweet nostalgia.

Remakes, in recent experience (*cough cough* Disney, why?), have been hit or miss, with a lot of misses. It’s hard to strike a good balance between catering to nostalgia and delivering a fresh product, never mind the change in social mores through the decades. I was so afraid FF7R would screw up my memories, especially since I wasn’t the biggest fan of Advent Children. The graphics were great and the action scenes were fun, but the story felt like a let-down. Cloud, in particular, felt so different (and yes, moody) from where we left him after the OG. I understand now that a lot of his character motivation was better explained in the On The Way to a Smile novels, but back then, I just felt like AC came out of nowhere. 

Btw, because I see this question a lot on other blogs when I’m lurking, I’ve ALWAYS thought that it was very clear in AC--even without reading anything else--that the reason for Cloud’s depression was due to guilt and not because he was pining for Aerith. The only reason I didn’t like his characterization in AC was because it felt like it came out of nowhere since AC is set 2 years after OG and by the end of the OG, he seemed to be in a pretty decent place mentally and emotionally. That being said, I can absolutely understand why some traumas resurface years after the originating incident and how times of peace might actually be worse because he is no longer solely focused on saving the world, but I was just surprised and a little bummed that this was the direction the devs chose to take AC at the time. Now that I’m older, I do better appreciate the complexities of Cloud’s mental state and the fact that they depicted a hero with lingering mental health issues is actually pretty awesome. I’m drawn to characters that have flaws--sometimes serious ones--but try their best anyway. Hence, why why Tifa Lockhart and Kate Beckett are some of my all-time favorites.

Anyhow, that didn’t stop me from pre-ordering FF7R, of course. I avoided reading any reviews as I didn’t want my first impressions to be swayed, and boy, was I happy that I went in mostly blind. That sense of awe really almost felt like playing the OG for the first time again, but somehow more. The combat system is incredibly fun and the world-building is nothing short of incredible. The variety and abundance of NPCs gives the game so much flavor and the locations have been rendered so well. As I’m going through areas like the Sector 7 train station and Wall Market and Aerith’s house, I can almost superimpose the layout from the OG in my head, but now it’s in 3D and so rich and full. It’s obvious that a lot of attention was paid to details, and I love all the head-nods and homages to the OG.

And oh, the characters!

This is the Cloud I’ve been wanting to see in glorious HD and the Cloud I remember from the original game: all awkward, dorky trying to be cool, socially inept, mentally unstable, abrasive-at-times, reluctant to act depending on who’s asking, wannabe hard-ass who’s actually a big softie inside Cloud. I remember reading an article a few years back about how the devs basically redid Cloud for the Remake because they wanted him to go back to his dorky roots--which ends up making him closest to his personality in the OG than his appearances in other franchises--and I was SOOOO incredibly happy to hear that. I was so sick of the way Cloud was constantly depicted as this cool, broody McBrood in his cameos when he was a pretty big dork in the OG. (Anybody remember him doing squats in the Highwind when Tifa says it’ll be lonely with just the two of them and Cloud responds that he’ll make enough noise to make up for it? Like I said: cute, but a dork.)

I WAS surprised by how comfortable and sweet and touchy (so very very touchy) the devs made him with Tifa from the beginning. That initial scene of Cloud being such a smooth operator giving Tifa the flower had my jaw-dropping and every single flirty interaction after that (and there are many) had my Cloti heart overflowing in shock and bliss. Throughout most of my years as a Cloti shipper, even though I believed Cloti was supported by canon and pretty clearly together, I was also under the impression--mistakenly or not--that Cloti was the minority ship. So for Square Enix to make it so blatantly obvious that Cloud is really into Tifa at such an early stage has been an unexpected gift.

Also, they’re just really hot together. (Clotiscrew tunnel--be still my heart!)

As for Tifa...oh, what wonderful character development we’ve already gotten for Tifa. Tifa has always been one of my all-time favorite characters ever since reading her character blurb in the OG game manual. Initially, as a child, it was because I saw so much of myself in her. She was outwardly bright and optimistic, but tended to hide all of her stronger feelings inside. She fought with her fists, and for someone who was a tomboy growing up who liked playing contact sports with the boys, I connected with her in a way that I had never been able to connect with other female protagonists who were primarily back-row specialists. (I also aspired to grow to her listed height of 5′4″, which alas, did not happen...lol).

I love how the Remake delves into more of Tifa’s moral conflict between the destruction that she causes as part of Avalanche and needing to do something to stop Shinra, and yes, even seeking revenge. They touched on this in the OG lightly, but the Remake really hammers it home. She’s perhaps the most conflicted character in terms of motivation in Part 1. That scene with the Shinra manager on the train is actually one of my favorite scenes of her because it highlights that tension. The elevator scene, if you opted for it instead of the stairs (or if you did one, saved, and reloaded to do the other one, like me), is also underrated in terms of how much it reveals about Tifa’s inner struggle.

On this point, I also appreciate that the Remake has the characters reflecting on the damage they’ve both indirectly and directly inflicted--the Avalanche team all do this to a certain degree. In particular, Jessie’s constant inability to figure out what she’d done wrong with the bomb to cause such a massive explosion and her remaining feelings of guilt during her death scene (”they were my victims” ouch!) were heart-breaking.

Aerith’s depiction was another pleasant surprise. I’ll be honest; I didn’t much like her in the OG. She was too pushy and willfully oblivious to the point of being mean at times. In the Remake, much of her sometimes too in-your-face playfulness was kept--perhaps still a little too much--but I appreciate the nuance that they gave her. The train graveyard scene tells the player that she didn’t have friends growing up, and I think that partially contributes to her lack of social tact at times. The other factor that gives her personality more nuance is the hint of special knowledge that affects how she interacts with the rest of the group. It gives her additional hidden motivation and adds to her mystery for new players while simultaneously pulling at the heartstrings for old players who get the impression that Aerith is somehow aware--to a certain, unknown extent--of her own fate. 

I also appreciate that Aerith is more grounded as a real person than as some sort of revered being. I do blame AC for some of that. When you have the power to cure a fatal disease from the afterlife and send the dead back to life, it gets into some godlike territory. Maybe it’s a fair depiction of her powers as a Cetra, but I just get the feeling that Aerith herself wouldn’t really appreciate being made into this goddess-like figure. Remember that her character blurb in the original game manual implied that she was more interested in earthly things (i.e. the love triangle) than in exploring her own powers. I personally think that Aerith used the “love triangle” in the OG as a form of escapism from the weight of her burdens rather than genuine interest, and I just think she’d want to be thought of as a person rather than as a god. One of my favorite scenes for Aerith is when she and Cloud are traversing the rooftops and she slips on the ladder, letting out a simple, “Shit.” It humanizes her in a way that combats some of the ways she’s sort of been deified in the last 23 years. Also, Aerith wielding a folding chair like it’s WWE never fails to make me laugh. Overall, she just comes off as a more reasonably flawed and--as a result, to me--a more likeable character in the Remake, and I do very much like her now.

Barret is pretty much the exact larger than life character I imagined in my head, only somehow even better, and I really love how expressive and emotional his eyes and facial expressions are. His scenes with Marlene are truly the cutest thing ever. Red XIII is a big, furry ball of sass, and I need so much more of him in the coming parts (Cosmo Canyon still wrecks me to this day). The interactions between the Wedge, Biggs, and Jessie are incredible, and they really feel like people who’ve been friends and basically each other’s family for years. The Turks and Rufus are pretty much as cool as I imagined them in the OG.

There’s still so much more I haven’t even started touching on about the Remake, and I think that’s why I’m finally posting this now. I just can’t contain my love for this game any more, and I really really need a place to express myself. I don’t know if anybody is still reading, but I appreciate having the opportunity to finally gush about this game and franchise that I’ve loved so much for pretty much two-thirds of my life.

[breakingarrows]

Stealing this from twitter, one of those 1 like = 1 video game answer

1. Very first video game

I have hazy memories of playing Sonic on the Genesis and if not that then most likely Pokemon Red? Twisted Metal is the oldest game I own that I didn’t buy myself and just always had so maybe that one.

2. Your favorite character

God gotta be Geralt. It is hard to separate his Witcher 3 iteration from the books, which is probably the best compliment I can give CDPR’s adaptation as the more I read the books the more I appreciate how faithful that game was. Geralt’s the typical grumpy dad who puts on a show of having no emotion but really does care about others and frequently acts on that (no need to read into how that reflects myself).

3. A game that is underrated.

Tough because underrated as in metacritic or just in general like mass audience reactions? I think overrated would be an easier pick for metacritic but for mass audience underrated I would say something like Disco Elysium since it was PC only and even there seems to have found a small but dedicated niche audience. I would also say Rain World but honestly need to play more.

4. Your guilty pleasure game.

LA Noire, Alan Wake, Alien Isolation, games people are mostly either like, that was okay or didn’t like but I really love.

5. Game character you feel you are most like (or wish you were)

Damn guess its time to admit how Geralt reflects myself.

6. Most annoying character.

Got some classics like Navi (OOT), Dutch/Micah (RDR2), Ryder (GTASA), I feel like there are more good ones but I can’t find/trigger their memories.

7. Favorite game couple.

Geralt and Yennefer (Witcher), Red and her unnamed lover (Transistor), Harry and Kim (Disco Elysium)

8. Best soundtrack.

Fuck. Hyper Light Drifter, Final Fantasy VII, DOOM, Transistor, Halo Reach/ODST, Red Dead Redemption, Kingdom Hearts, Alien Isolation, LA Noire. Licensed: Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1, 2, 3, Fallout 3/New Vegas (even if they repeat way too often).

9. Saddest game scene.

Ending of Crisis Core, death of Avalanche members in Final Fantasy VII, ending of Red Dead Redemption, ending of Transistor, saying goodbye to Clementine in The Walking Dead Season 1.

10. Best gameplay.

Titanfall 2, DOOM, Hitman, Halo 5 (Arena multiplayer only), Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2, Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3 (revert is king), Metroid Prime (on Wii).

11. Gaming system of choice.

PS4/3/PC in that order

12. A game everyone should play.

Disco Elysium, Bioshock 2, Rain World, Yakuza 5, Final Fantasy Tactics (either PSOne Classic or War of the Lions)

13. A game you’ve played more than five times.

lol full playthroughs Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, DOOM. Games I’ve started and made significant progress in so many times: Final Fantasy VII, Modern Warfare 2, Alan Wake, Red Dead Redemption, Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, LA Noire, Halo Reach, Final Fantasy Tactics The War of the Lions

14. current (or most recent) gaming wallpaper.

Wallpapers on phone have been Evangelion for years now. The rotating desktop wallpaper folder only has Alien Isolation because of how much it looks like Alien and Breath of the Wild because of how much it looks like Ghibli landscapes.

15. Post a screenshot from a game you’re playing right now.

It would be something from Apex (a win screen) or Red Dead Redemption 2 (landscape)

16. Game with the best cutscenes.

God most games have cutscenes that are really boring (shot, reverse-shot, in-game engine puppets, black bar zoom ins, economical choices because of how often they’re going to be used but so boring) so I guess Control because its got styyyyyyle.

17. Favorite antagonist.

uhhhhh the greater structure of the world in Disco Elysium? Human opponents in Apex Legends. The rain in Rain World. Tenpenny in Grand Theft Auto San Andreas. Xenomorph in Alien Isolation.

18. Favorite protagonist.

I mean Geralt (Witcher), Alan Wake (the titular Alan Wake), Harry Du Bois (Disco Elysium), Red (Transistor), John Marston (Red Dead Redemption), CJ (Grand Theft Auto San Andreas), DOOMGUY (DOOM), Jesse Faden (Control)

19. Picture of a game setting you wished you lived in

Most of video game worlds are trying to kill you but Breath of the Wild, San Andreas, Kingdom Hearts, Morrowind

20. Favorite genre

Seems to be shooters, some open world if the angle is good.

21. Game with the best story.

Story as in fiction? Disco Elysium. Story as in the thing its trying to sell you on as you play? The Last of Us, Bioshock 2, Transistor.

22. A game sequel which disappointed you.

Not technically a sequel but Bioshock Infinite, Red Dead Redemption 2, Fallout 4, Metal Gear Solid V, Uncharted 4, Halo 5, Infamous Second Son

23. Game you think had the best graphics or art style

Persona 5, Disco Elysium (those portraits jesus so good), Shadow of the Colossus (PS2 version, the fog and unfocused edges make it such a #mood), Morrowind (I love the fucking early 2000s 3D graphics), Final Fantasy VII (the pre-rendered backgrounds, I could star at them for days), Control, Hyper Light Drifter, any of those Yoshi art games (crayon of Yoshi’s Island and fuzz of Wooly World are standouts)

24. Favorite Classic game

Pokemon Gold, Link’s Awakening, Doom, Final Fantasy VII/Tactics, Spider-Man

25. A game you plan on playing

boy I have a whole spreadsheet for this on but the one on my mind is Okami, Alpha Protocol, Madworld

26. Best voice acting

uh idk the expensive games, Red Dead Redemption 2, The Last of Us?

27. Most epic scene ever

when I get a win in Apex Legends with like 8+ kills overall

28. Favorite game developer

Remedy Entertainment, Respawn, uh hard to find consistency, most of my favorites have been one-offs where I either haven’t played or don’t really like the rest that developer made.

29. A game you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up loving.

I usually don’t play games I don’t think I would like because I know my tastes and don’t waste time but I guess something like Hitman was a surprise because I had heard all the praise about it long before I finally sat down to play it myself and it was fucking great.

30. Your favorite game of all time.

God uh I mean I’ve been returning to games like Uncharted 2, Final Fantasy VII, San Andreas for like a decade now. Pokemon Gold too if I would finally buy the stuff to replace the battery in it. So I guess one of those since they’ve been part of my life the longest.

[iplacedajar]

2019

It seems impossible that I was offered a job eight months ago, that I moved in with Eddy four months ago, that the end of 2019 is already here. Post-college years continue to speed by at an alarming pace.

It was a good year, though, and I was especially grateful for all the unique opportunities I had to travel--to Switzerland and Italy, Saratoga Springs,  Provincetown. I went up to New York for the last weekend in June, and spent two magical autumn weekends in the woods--Vermont in October, New Hampshire in November.

I made friends with a sweet fluffy homebody, and I took still more steps toward building a satisfying, adult life for myself. I was in Houston last week, and felt more peace there than I’ve been able to find in a long time. I think part of it is that I finally feel secure and stable in my life in Boston--I finished school, found a permanent job that I love--and so I’m able to “visit”  without any underlying anxiety about my precarious position in life.

Books

It was a really good year for books--no pictures because many of them were library books but here’s the list of favorites:

Caroline by Sarah Miller

This is a retelling of Little House on the Prairie from the perspective of Laura’s Ma. The author was inspired to write it after realizing that, although Laura changes the timeline in her fictional retellings, Ma had actually been pregnant with Baby Carrie during their journey from Wisconsin to Kansas. It’s the kind of historical fiction I have always wanted, covering the unique hardships of pioneer life for women and including details like the oilcloth rags Caroline prepared to line her underwear after Carrie’s birth, and her swollen breasts bouncing painfully in the wagon after she leaves the top two hooks of her corset open.

An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green

I’ve watched Hank’s videos for years, and I loved his debut novel about navigating unexpected fame and the responsibilities of having an audience through the perspective of a young woman in her 20s. Also, it’s really, really funny.

The Signature of All Things by Liz Gilbert

I . . . adored this book. And I’ve definitely recommended it the absolute most of any book I’ve read this year. It has the voice and the humor and the warmth and the wisdom I’d expect from Liz Gilbert, as well as an exhaustively researched and utterly immersive period setting (19th century Philadelphia). It truly feels epic in scope, and if I try to describe it for too long I sound like a lunatic but it’s about botany and about sexual longing and I think about it every single day.

City of Girls by Liz Gilbert

I was fortunate enough hear Liz talk about this book in person when she went on tour! See the above--this book is amazingly funny and wise and smart and just so fun to read. It’s about showgirls in New York in the 1940s. (On tour, Liz talked about interviewing a bunch of nonagenarian former showgirls for research and wondering beforehand, “Oh God, how am I going to get these grandmotherly old ladies to talk about sex?” and then wondering after, “Oh god, how am I going to get these ladies to talk about anything other than sex?”)

Circe by Madeline Miller

This book is so precious to me. Madeline Miller’s take on Circe is the best rendering of a divine/immortal character as narrator that I’ve ever read. And she does it in first-person. Also, if you ever have an opportunity to hear this author speak publicly, you should take it. She is so smart and well-read, and so steeped in this mythology, and strikes an amazing and refreshing balance between reverence and irreverence for the source material (when writing for the character of Medea, for example, she explained that she was having difficulty understanding her, “until I realized what a bozo Jason was”).

Dune by Frank Herbert

Haha. I read the first four books of this classic sci-fi series this year alongside Eddy. The weirdness chart for this series is an exponential curve and I found the fourth book so deeply weird as to be borderline unreadable, but all of them are special and the first one, in particular, sticks in your brain.

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern

I’ve been waiting for the author of The Night Circus to publish a new book for a long time, and this one was worth the wait. I love love love Erin Morgenstern’s eye for details and aesthetics, and the way she builds story around setting.

Television

I watched and enjoyed more TV shows in 2019 than any year in recent memory, but I think it's partly just the alignment of streaming service releases and my taste than any other factor. Eddy and I finished watching FullMetal Alchemist: Brotherhood at the beginning of this year. There was one weekend in May where all I did was watch Good Omens and bake a rhubarb cake (both very good). I binged all of Fleabag in two days and then I made Eddy watch it, and we're both completely captivated by it. July 5 was officially "Stranger Things Day", and Danielle, Eddy, and I woke up at 9 am, ate donuts, and watched the entire new season in one day (and then went to Veggie Galaxy for emotional recovery). The third season of The Crown dropped a few weeks ago and I spiraled even further into my Olivia Colman obsession, and Eddy and I finished the first season of The Good Place right before we left town for the holidays.

Movies

My movie-watching has declined significantly since I graduated and left behind my Film Boy pals, but I managed a short list of favorites: I adored BOOKSMART, and it immediately jumped to the special place in my heart where coming-of-age stories about smart young women live. I watched THE FAVORITE on a plane and it was fantastic. And then a few nights ago Danielle and I went to see the new Greta Gerwig-directed LITTLE WOMEN and predictably adored it, and it was basically the highlight of my trip home. But I didn't see much in theaters, and I don't feel like I missed out.

Games

Another surprise for me this year was how many games I played and enjoyed. I grew up playing video games and watching my siblings play, but when I moved to Boston for college all I had was a 3DS, and my consumption of games, with the noticeable exceptions of Stardew Valley and Pokémon Go, went into hibernation. That all changed this year, when Eddy bought me a Nintendo Switch for my birthday, and I spent January playing many blissful hours of Let’s Go Pikachu. Other favorites include:

OXENFREE - Branching storylines! Choose-your-own-adventure sans cutscenes so that it all feels totally immersive and high-stakes! And a creepy, existential, Arrival-esque mystery to boot.

THE FLAME IN THE FLOOD - All of my favorite books growing up were about kids who run away to live in the woods à la My Side of the Mountain, so this post-apocalypse survival adventure story featuring our hero, Scout, brewing dandelion tea to cure her snakebites, making snares out of saplings, and using cattail tubers to make braided cord was right in my wheelhouse.

UNTITLED GOOSE GAME - needs no introduction

In Conclusion

Happy new year, all--I hope 2020 brings us all joy and truth.

[acehotel]

Interview: Archie Lee Coates IV, PlayLab

NYC’s premier dream factory, our indefinable friends at PlayLab define themselves simply: “creative studio, no focus, lots of ideas.” This week, they unveiled their latest mercurial art campaign in Midtown — Grown Up Flowers. We sat down with the ‘Lab’s lead alchemist Archie Lee Coates IV to get the details.

When exactly did this Grown Up Flowers project start, and what was the initial impetus for it?

As a studio, PlayLab wants to constantly move into new territory; we don't necessarily know how to do projects at a certain scale, but always want to try. We had started a conversation with Sarah Berman of the Berman Group, who we met through Plus Pool —we told her that we really wanted to get into large-scale public work.

She represents a lot of developers, property owners, things like that. She was saying that quite often they have an interest in art, and hosting art to some degree, to help draw people to their buildings. She mentioned that there this association called Avenue of the Americas — a coalition of property owners on the Avenue of the Americas in Midtown — and that they were interested in bringing more people there for the purpose of art. It just sounded like a dream. We were like, "Okay, cool. Well, let's start that conversation, see where it goes."

We presented maybe a dozen ideas to the board, and they liked pretty much all of them, but it was really just for one or two specific properties at the time. 

This was the Flowers project?

They hadn't even seen the flowers yet. There was this project that we wanted to do called Say What You Want to Say, which was gonna be a massive billboard in the center of Midtown, staffed full-time by an attendant with a phone. The idea was, you could text his phone and say whatever you wanted to say, and he would change it physically on a giant billboard marquee. They were like, "This is awesome! Let's do it!" But, we spec'd it out and it was pretty expensive, and they only had the budget to do one. Eventually, there were five other property owners that want to get involved, so they asked if we could do something for the budget that hits all five properties at a giant scale. The only thing we knew that could do that was either projections or inflatables. So we started going down this path of inflatables, and flowers just kind of came to mind.

Flowers have been painted and sculpted since the beginning of time, and Jeff [Franklin, co-founder of PlayLab] said this really amazing thing to me early on with the project: “You don't really have to ask permission to paint a flower.” Everybody's gonna have a different perception of what that is, but it's such a naturally beautiful object.. so, yeah, we were like: "Let's just make big, giant flowers."

Did you have previous experience working with inflatables, or was this a first time venture?

Yeah, it was a first time venture. I think we always had an ambition to do inflatables. We always referenced them for projects, and we didn't know what the cost would be — it turns out the cost was exactly perfect for a five site budget.

We had a lot of ideas. One of them was making smaller-scale, inflatable replicas of the buildings — or maybe inflatable nesting dolls, with, like, five different scales of the building in front of the actual building. With a little shop in front that sold tiny tourist trinkets of the building. 

One day, we were walking through Midtown — this giant jungle of concrete and glass —and occasionally there are these small little flower beds. We were like, “wouldn’t it be amazing if there were just just giant flowers everywhere? 

There’s something interesting about how the flowers look like original design objects, but also as if there’s some kind of generic template —they're not so dissimilar to what you’d expect to see a vendor at a street parade handing out to kids.

Right.

So, who originally designed them? Are they based off templates?

I'm so glad you are observing that and asked that question, because a large part of the project was sculpting these flowers and figuring out our approach to them. Because it was a blank template, we could make anything we wanted to make. But we don't know... like, we don't have 3D software. We just don't have that skill set or experience. So we literally started by drawing with pencil, shading to show three dimensions, with Jeff and Anya [Shcherbakova] — who led that charge in the studio — doing hundreds and hundreds of options. It got really difficult once we got to forms, so we started modeling them out of clay — then made new drawings from that. We would sculpt and then do still lives of those. it was really a blank template.

There are stock flowers, but there's not a crazy variation of them, and they all look like what you’d see at like a car dealership... these kind of like wavy things. So we made our own, but tried to make them to feel a little like they might be stock ones. The limitations turned out to be super fun. We really like the artist Paul McCarthy, so we found out the place where he makes his inflatables, and they ended up making them for us.

Your sculptures are a little more G-rated than his.

They are 100% more G-rated, with the best family-friendly intentions. But the New York Post definitely had their mind in the gutter when they said they looked like giant penises.

Really? The Post said that?

Yeah, it was just funny. The were like “We reached out to PlayLab, but they declined to comment.” But they didn't. We didn't hear from them at all.

Whenever I think about inflatables, like at the Macy's Day parade or wherever, I think about how easy it seems to be for these objects to be ruined or penetrated or disrupted in some way. What measures are taken to preserve their structural integrity?

We were super nervous about that, obviously, but these people at Inflatable Images in Ohio have done this so many times, and they were like, "Look, based on probability, nobody's going to screw with these." Plus, each of these buildings has security like 24 hours a day — not like guarding the flowers, but they're around, you know?

Mm-hmm.

For the majority of them, there's so much air going through the blowers, a pinprick isn’t really gonna do anything. If you look closely at the flowers that have the blowers there are little tiny holes where the seams are at every little joint. So I think they're relatively safe.

There's like a constant stream of air coming into them?

Yeah, constant.

How long does the exhibition run?

Three months. Through July. 

And what happens to the flowers after that?

The Avenue of the Americas Association owns them now, which is awesome, but we already have interest in showing them in other places. We're talking to them about the idea, because they're just too big and beautiful to just keep in storage. 

Do you have any dream locations?

Man, I don't know... like, right in front of the U.N. building? I don't know.

That makes me wonder — are the flowers geographically specific? Are they like, native New York flowers?

No, they're more like caricatures of a bunch of flowers, combined. Like, if you took every archetypical flower in your mind and joined them together.

You’ve said that New York was once an island of flowers, and now it's an island of buildings. When I think about the average viewer — like, a tourist or something — that comes across them out of context, that narrative might not immediately translate.

Totally.

So what are you hoping their immediate takeaway is? Is it just sort of, you know, “art! Its big, it's beautiful, it's great?”

Yeah, definitely — just a feeling of positivity and fun. You know, we don't usually make hashtags for any of our projects, but we did for this one, because it was so public that we wanted to see what people were posting. As soon as the flowers went up, it became an immediate selfie zone. There's tons of people posting photos that are like, "Spring is here, life is great, thanks for the flowers!,” you know? No political statement, no negative conversation around it. It's just supposed to be a delightful break from the ordinary visual, or whatever thing you're doing at that moment. They're not so big that they're overpowering, and they're not small that they can be forgotten. When I see photos of them they still look like renderings to me, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's kind of hard to think, "why they would be there?” because they're just so obviously out of place.

They're all in publicly accessible places, right? Even in the buildings?

Yeah. They're all in plazas, except for one in the Hippodrome lobby. That one's really special, he’s called Wilt, after Wilt Chamberlain, because he's so tall. And he's so tall that once he hits the ceiling he has to bend down... so the flowers are looking over everybody that walks into the lobby. When you just stand there for 15 minutes, you have all these people take a photo of it, or a selfie in front of it. We asked a few of them, "Have you ever taken a photo in this lobby before?" And they were like, "No, never." You know, like simple things like that. They're stopping, and just enjoying the buildings and Midtown. It's just kind of like a rounded edged project.

[jeremystrele]

See The First Museum Survey Of Artist Stanislava Pinchuk’s Work At Heide

See The First Museum Survey Of Artist Stanislava Pinchuk’s Work At Heide

Art

by Amelia Barnes

Artist Stanislava Pinchuk. Photo – Bri Hammond

‘Stanislava Pinchuk: Terra Data’ is the first career survey of the Ukrainian-Australian artist’s work. Photo – Bri Hammond

The exhibition encompasses 40 works created between 2015 to 2020, including Stanislava’s renowned pinhole drawings and sculptures plotting war and conflict zones. Photo – Bri Hammond

A selection of Stanislava’s terrazzo sculptures. Photo – Bri Hammond

The exhibition is located in the famous circa 1964 Heide II building. Photo – Bri Hammond

‘Calais ‘Jungle’ Terrazzo V’, camp remnants & ash resin (2018).

Stanislava’s art practice spans multiple mediums, but she’s perhaps best known for her paper-based pinhole works depicting geographical data, rendered using an etching burin and hand mallet. Photo – Bri Hammond

Pinchuk plots both the physical features of the land as well as the more abstract yet enduring residues of trauma. Photo – Bri Hammond

Topography : Topsoil Storage, Fukushima’. Pin-holes on paper, 75 x 101 cm (2016)

Powerful works that capture the changing topographies of war. Photos – Bri Hammond

Photo – Bri Hammond

More terrazzo sculptures originally from Stanislava’s ‘Borders’ exhibition shown at China Heights Gallery. Photo – Bri Hammond

‘Calais ‘Jungle’ Terrazzo VIII’, camp remnants & ash resin (2018).

Stanislava at her exhibition, which closes June 20. Photo – Bri Hammond

Framed is ‘The Red Carpet’ – a documentation photograph of an architectural intervention and performance work, transposing a Ukrainian Bessarabian rug onto the steps of the Sydney Opera House. Photo – Bri Hammond

A  career survey is a huge milestone for any artist, so for Stanislava Pinchuk (formerly known by the nickname Miso), to achieve this at 32 years of age, is nothing short of extraordinary.

Heide Museum of Modern Art is hosting the Ukrainian-Australian artist’s first career survey to date. Titled Terra Data, the exhibition features 40 key works from the past five years.

Stanislava’s art practice spans multiple mediums, but she’s perhaps best known for her paper-based pinhole works depicting geographical data, rendered using an etching burin and hand mallet. Beginning with recording war zones in her home country, Stanislava has since made a series of works centred around the Fukushima and Chernobyl nuclear exclusion zones, and the Calais ‘Jungle’ Migrant Camp in France.

Stanislava shared with us how this exhibition came to be, and the process involved in developing her labour-intensive artwork.

How long have you been plotting the changing topographies of war and conflict zones, and what compels you to do so?

I first began this exact work in 2015 in response to the beginning of the civil war in Ukraine. I’m from the eastern border, and it was an incredibly difficult thing to see. It was definitely not something that I expected to see in my lifetime, and at the time, it felt like a rupture in every way. I think it set something really urgent to what I wanted to make, and how I wanted to make it. So, I made the first series really quickly, and honestly, it was only later I understood what it meant, and really began to wrestle with the questions that the body of work opened up.

I was 27 then, and I’m 32 now. It’s pretty incredible to think of how much that first project has changed my life over the last five years, and see it all in the same place for the first time.

How are your works created? 

Every project has been a little different with mapping. A lot of the surveying has been incredibly limited with access or time – or safety for fieldwork – or the parameters of a nuclear zone, for example.

For most of the works in the exhibition, the data surveying has been me on the ground alone, mapping height-fields, and photographing back-up references in a pretty old-school way. I’ve found that the most reliable, actually!

One body of work was mapped with Geiger counters measuring radioactivity levels in different types of ground, rather than the topography of the soil itself. Another project had airspace access for a drone!

Regardless, all collected data is mostly plotted into 3D modelling software later, and then enmeshed with textile skins.

Where are your artworks typically created?

Wherever I can! I can’t be too fussy, but a big sturdy table, good natural light, and a laptop with generous RAM are about as good as it gets. Over the past five years, my works were made across a few continents and a few studios – you just make do with the best you have at any time.

Your art practice encompasses drawing, installation, tattooing, film & sculpture. What attracts you to each of these mediums?

I love the depths of every medium, and I find their limits always push me into thinking of something else. Restrictions are actually really good like that for creativity. But more than anything, I’ve really tried to find a place in my practice that is comfortable about seeking out the right medium for the right idea, even if that’s new or scary to me.

Are you a self-taught artist?

I am, I suppose, in that I never went to art school. I do however have a degree in philosophy and art history, which I think laid a really good foundation as far as understanding histories of thought and being able to place and link ideas in a thorough way.

How does it feel to have a career survey of your work exhibited at Heide?

It feels like there’s only one answer – it feels really incredible. Not just to have my first career survey in the first place, but also in my adopted hometown, feels like a really beautiful moment in time. It is not something I could have ever imagined happening, and especially not at 32.

Like many other people in this city, I have always found so much magic in the Heide II building, and even now, after a billion meetings and site visits, it honestly never, ever loses its power. Even if you walk in tired or anxious, or annoyed, the building really lifts you up every time. And if it’s empty, it takes about 30 seconds before you start imagining that it’s your own house!

Bar six drawings, none of this work has ever been exhibited in Naarm (Melbourne) before. I’m a few months away from moving back to Sarajevo for good, so it feels like a really beautiful departure, reflection and celebration here too! To look back before a big change ahead.

What can people expect from ‘Terra Data’? 

This show has been in development for some 18 months, and delayed three times due to the pandemic! It’s a career survey that spans the last five years of my practice, with topographic surveying projects from Ukraine’s eastern borders, and Kyiv, Fukushima, Chernobyl and Calais. I’ve never seen these works in the same room together before, and I can’t wait for what that might feel like.

Stanislava Pinchuk: Terra Data Saturday March 20 – Sunday June 20 2021  Heide Museum of Modern Art 7 Templestowe Road, Bulleen, Victoria

[agilenano]

Agilenano - News: The Design That We’ll Never Get to See in Person – AT’s Small/Cool Event + 5 Renter Hacks for a Small Space

Remember back at the beginning of March (what now feels like a year ago) when we showed you a Sneak Peek Into Our Current Design Projects? Well, today is the day to show you the “final results” of one of them. No, this isn’t our typical room reveal. A lot has shifted between then and now. And other things take priority as they should. But our ultimate goal here at EHD is to try to bring a little joy to your day and since it’s Monday morning fingers crossed this does the trick. This “room reveal” is one where neither you nor I will ever see a real photograph of but that’s okay since I stayed up late trying to recreate the space as realistically as possible for us all to enjoy by using my trusted confidante, SketchUp.

I bet by now you are asking yourselves, “Which project are you talking about?” If you didn’t already guess from the snippet above it’s our Eclectic English space for Apartment Therapy’s Small/Cool Event which officially went live (virtually, that is) last Friday. The event showcases 20 current home trends by 20 designers for the year 2020. Very clever AT team.

The trends range from Art Deco Influence by Gabriela Gargano to Maximalist Boho by Jessica Bringham and everything in between. Ok so let’s start with the design inspiration for our room!

The Trend: Eclectic English

photo source | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

I was very excited to take lead on this bedroom design project after all I know a thing or two about designing a small bedroom after my own MOTO. When the AT team asked us which trend we would want to showcase it was a no brainer. Emily had just written about her current love affair with this New (Old) Trend that was going to help her get her color/quirk back into her life and I was so on board to oversee the design. This trend is the metaphorical fresh-design-air that we have all been waiting for and like I’ve stated before I am ready to trade in the neutral world for a multi-colored one.

The Space

This all sounded great in theory until I saw the photographs for the original space where the event was to be held in Brooklyn, NYC. Talk about a design challenge. This warehouse didn’t invoke that eclectic old world at all that we wanted the expected 12k+ visitors to feel as they walked into our space. I started to think, “Why didn’t we choose postmodernism? That’s also cool right now.”

But this type of challenge is what drew me to interior design in the first place, working within a set parameters of a building to find those creative solutions that will ultimately transform a space into something new. Challenge accepted.

Emily also wanted me to point out the fact that we were designing this space from 3,000 miles away which is a challenge in itself but since starting at EHD almost 3 years ago this is nothing new to me. The two main projects that I have worked on – the Portland Project (961 miles) & the Mountain House (84 miles) – weren’t exactly distances that screamed let’s just go “swing by” for a site check-in today. Working solely based off of a few measurements and online shopping was okay by me especially for just one small room. The real challenge was creating a space that looked curated over a long period of time in the span of a few weeks from a handful of online vendors.

Yeah, you could say I was slightly stressed.

The AT team was so great and sent through this very thorough SketchUp drawing of our space including all the dimensions I could need plus the very elusive NYC fisherman. His name is Gary and he was super helpful to clue me in on the exact scale of the space we were working with. Thanks, Gary. Bye, Gary.

Now that I had a better idea of the exact measurements for the space, Emily and I did our initial brainstorm of how to add that “cozy factor” we knew it desperately needed. Let’s just say our hopes were as high as the NYC skyline: “Maybe they can add a ceiling so people don’t see the exposed ceiling”, “Could we add wood floors?”, “Some added millwork would help transform the space”, or “An overhead diffused light to make the space feel cozier”… there was some wishful thinking but one worked out in our favor. One thing I have learned in the past couple of years is that you’ll never know what your options are until you ask. And ask I did, thank you again to the AT team for answering my endless emails. I love an email. Especially those who respond quickly and they did, thank you.

You’d think that creating a space from a blank slate would be a designer’s dream. But when combining that with the fact that it also has no fourth wall and everything in the space has to “work/look good” from one angle it shifted my mindset of how I’d typically design a room. Function still played a role but in a new showcase-y kind of way that I wasn’t familiar with. So, instead of thinking about the room as a 3-dimensional space I looked at it as if it were first a piece of art that you could then jump into and walk around. It had to work as both.

The solution was layers and layers and then some more layers.

Here was my initial paired down mood board that we showed you a few months back. Giving you all a sense of the space without giving it all away. That wicker bed from Serena and Lily was the first piece I picked out that made me believe that this space could work. Followed with a close second & third by the Matrix Chair from Article and the Hay Design Matin Lamp that I think everyone in the office including myself has had heart eyes for once or twice. We’ve loved a pleated lampshade ever since Jess pointed out the newly rising trend way back when.

And this was just the beginning…

The first and probably most important layer was to cover up those stark white walls. This space needed a dose of traditional character and nothing says that more to me than the trusted wallpaper and board & batten combo. Chasing Paper’s Tree Toile in Mono was the quintessential pattern for the space. It adds that layer of depth without being too overwhelming. I’m talking to you art wall. There are two types of texture you can add to a space one is 3D like a shag rug, our millwork, or pattern. I decided to include both with our board and batten walls painted in Behr’s Red Pepper. I’ll be honest, I was a bit nervous to tell Emily that this is the paint color I wanted to use in the space. The lady likes red but more of a bright and happy red of which this isn’t really. But once she saw it on the mood board she was all for it.

There was a fine line of how high was too high or too low the millwork should be. In the end I decided that the height should be based more on the headboard height of the bed more than anything else. At first, I had it at 60″ high on the back wall and 48″ on the other two but something felt off. Then I realized that if it was that high on the back wall there wouldn’t visually be enough breathing room for all the art I had planned to go up there.

So, after playing around with it for a few hours in SketchUp (love you) I went with 54″ high on all 3 walls. It was a little over halfway up the wall which would’ve felt awkward had I not filled the walls with other visual weight. That is always something you want to consider when determining the height of your millwork and also where it will intersect your light switches (something we didn’t have to think about for our space) or other permanent fixtures along your walls. Be sure they are either included in the millwork or sit above but not half and half.

Above are the profiles I chose, with plenty of help from Charla and Justine, from our favorite vendor Metrie. They are the same two lovely ladies that helped Emily and I to pick out/design all that millwork in the Portland House. For this project, we got our material inspiration from The Gold Hive – Ashley Goldman’s Master Bedroom which included some very thin lattice which would be our flatstock with a low profile. This would take up just a little real-estate in this tiny space.

That isn’t our only small space/renter hack that we have for you today read more below.

But first…here she is our Eclectic English lady!

Side Note: Some of the items in the render like the lounge chair & dresser are not the same as in the mood board. Building detailed furniture in SketchUp can be tedious and extremely time-consuming especially ones with realistic-looking cushions. So I took the easy way out (aka saved hours of on the clock time) and downloaded similar options. It was late. I was tired. And this is a skill I am working on so I think this version is much better than what I could’ve come up with. So imagine that awesome Matrix Chair from Article and this nightstand.

As Emily would describe her she is, “…just a touch senile, with a dirty martini in her hand, perhaps some sort of old Hollywood headpiece, and head to toe in patterned clothes. She freely tells us about her affair with Wes Anderson (a younger man! Grandma!) and maybe she has tons of cash hidden around the house. But she’s a little old world too – she loves a floral print, she’s always ready to put the kettle on and share some well-earned life experience, and her shelves are stuffed with souvenirs from decades of travel. My friends love her, and my kids can’t wait to visit her because surely she will tell them something they are far too young to hear.”

Do you see her? Do you love her? Or is she just a little too much for you? You can be honest cause she would tell you the harsh truth right back to your face. But then I am not her, so I ask of you be constructive in any of your criticism you might have. Thanks

5 Renter Hacks for a Small Space:

Re-think The Gallery Wall – As we all know a gallery wall is a sure-fire way to add that needed dose of personality into those box-like apartments but then you’re stuck with patching up who know how many holes when moving out. Cause I know that for every piece of art that I hang in a gallery wall there are probably 3x the amount of holes necessary behind it. Done is better than perfect around here and I don’t have the patience with templates. So instead, consider a picture hanging rod which will require minimal holes in your wall and you have more freedom to swap out art over time. This idea works well in the space since we added the millwork which projected out from the wall which let us still overlap the art.

Layer Up – If you live in a space with flooring that you wish you could just replace or snap your fingers and make them disappear, then consider getting a rug approx. the size of your space and layer a smaller rug on top. This typically works best if the smaller rug is about two sizes down and is in the same style. Also, be sure that the rug on top has a higher pile than the one below.

When in Doubt Mount It – Want to add a coat rack to your space? Try a 6-arm coat hook instead. Thinking about getting a bookcase? Maybe opt. for some shelves. Anything that you can install on your walls to free up some coveted floor space is golden in a small room.

Double Duty – In a small space it is a great idea for your furniture to serve multiple purposes when you lack the square footage. We made sure our floor lamp had a small table attached and our dresser’s marble top was the perfect place for a martini station. Although, I know I could’ve done a better job on more storage for the space like including a nightstand with a drawer or a bench with a shelf. I choose the more visual pleasing option, form over function and I am okay with my decisions. It is a showroom after all and our hypothetical lady is a maximalist minimalist at heart. Avert your eyes on this fact I just pointed out and let’s move on!

Not Your Average Sconce – Since there wasn’t going to be any overhead lighting in the space due to the lack of a ceiling which is hopefully not an issue any of you are running into in your home… We got a little creative in the lighting department. A floor and table lamp were probably sufficient enough for the space but to bump up the quirk factor I wanted to “DIY” our own plug-in sconce. Using an iron hook and utility bare bulb pendant, the plan was to wrap the cord somehow (Sara and I were going to figure out this little factor when we got there) to create a sconce.

If any of you are interested in this look here are all of the products:

1. Floor Lamp (no longer available) | 2. Accent Chair (the original one) | 3. Blue Lumbar Pillow | 4. Wallpaper | 5. Paint Color | 6. Blue Curtains | 7. Curtain Rod | 8. Endcap Finials | 9. Stool | 10. Utility Plug-In Pendant | 11. Cast Iron Hook | 12. Bar Tool Set | 13. Bar Tray | 14. Cocktail Shaker | 15. Coup Glass | 16. Smaller Red Toned Rug | 17. Bed | 18. Mattress | 19. Green Pleated Table Lamp | 20. End Table | 21. Large Light Blue Rug | 22. Nightstand with Drawers (the original one) | 23. Curtain Hook | 24. Bench | 25. Circle Pillow | 26. Pom Pom Lumbar | 27. Bed Throw | 28. Sheet Set | 29. Blue Sham | 30. Duvet Cover | 31. Curtain Rod | 32. Endcap Finials | 33. Solid-Brass Double Jack Picture Chain | 34. Pair of Heavy Open Asymetrical S-Hooks – 1 1/2″ | 35. Art-Nouveau Picture Rail Hook | 36. Broken Clouds by Stephanie Goos Johnson | 37. Winter Wren by Olivia Kanaley Inman | 38. Semicolon by Alex Isaacs Designs | 39. The Humble Egg by Monica Loos | 40. Antique Yachts Canvas 1 | 41. In The Branches Print | 42. Remember: Lily of the Valley by Renee Anne | 43. Blue Heron Framed Print | 44. Lake Air Canvas Print | 45. Alpine Lake Framed Canvas | 46. Solid Pine Panel Mould | 47. Fingerjoint Pine Stop | 48. Fingerjoint Pine Baseboard | 49. Solid Pine Lattice

There were a lot of accessories that Sara and myself were going to play with once on-site so instead of letting all those sourcing hours go to waste we figured to round them up for all you Eclectic English Enthusiasts. Enjoy!

1. Farm House by Lindsay Megahed | 2. Ribbed Blanket | 3. Natural Hyacinth Noelle Tote Basket | 4. Organic Percale Pleated Sheet Set | 5. Wheaton Striped Napkins | 6. Bunny Trinket Dish | 7. Palomino Alpaca Throw | 8. Nesting Glass Shadow Boxes – Hexagon (Set of 3) | 9. Tomah by Lorent and Leif | 10. Foundations Bowl | 11. Oversize Wool Throw | 12. Antique Florals | 13. Fiber Dye Napkins | 14. Dara Velvet Lumbar Pillow Cover | 15. Creative Women Handwoven Cotton Napkin

In lieu of the original event plan, Apartment Therapy created these adorable illustrations (see below) and animations of all 20 spaces. You can check out our space here!

Be sure to peruse all the amazing work by the rest of the designers as well including: Hilton Carter, all-of-our-favorite Orlando Soria, one of the cutest/creative couples Nate Berkus & Jeremiah Brent, one of Caitlin’s Favorites Caitlin Murray plus many many more talented designers.

That’s all she (I) wrote! I hope this brought a bit of sunshine to your Monday morning. And I can promise you that you will one day see a real room reveal again but in the meantime I’ll be practicing my SketchUp skillzzz.

For those of you that are skeptical of the Eclectic English trend, I am curious. Does this design convince you that it is the new cool trend or does it still give you frightening flashbacks?? Let’s talk more about it below!

The post The Design That We’ll Never Get to See in Person – AT’s Small/Cool Event + 5 Renter Hacks for a Small Space appeared first on Emily Henderson.

Agilenano - News from Agilenano from shopsnetwork (4 sites) https://agilenano.com/blogs/news/the-design-that-we-ll-never-get-to-see-in-person-at-s-small-cool-event-5-renter-hacks-for-a-small-space

[postgamecontent]

Panzer Dragoon Saga: SEGA Saturn Spotlight #4

Original Release Date: January 29, 1998

Original Hardware: SEGA Saturn

Developer/Publisher: Team Andromeda/SEGA

At least as far as North American gamers went, Panzer Dragoon Saga never really got a chance to be assessed just on its own merits. SEGA of America's baffling decision to limit the game's print run meant that the game was considered rare immediately upon release. As the years passed without a reprint or re-release, the game's legend only grew. Some consider it not just the best SEGA Saturn game but one of the best RPGs of all-time, and I can't help but wonder how much its scarcity plays into that. It's a solid game with a lot of unconventional ideas that probably came about as a necessary result of tying it in with its rail-shooter predecessors, but I'm not sure I'm as over the moon with it as some appear to be. That being said, I would include it on any short list of the top Saturn RPGs, and the notoriety its rarity caused may well have made it the most famous Saturn-exclusive game.

That's a fitting title for a Panzer Dragoon game, I think. While the series did manage to spill out onto other hardware platforms, I personally feel that Panzer Dragoon is iconic of the SEGA Saturn in a way that no other brand is. The first game in the series was a highlight of an otherwise lackluster launch period for the console. Its sequel, Panzer Dragoon Zwei, remains one of the finest showcases of the Saturn's 3D capabilities. Then there's Panzer Dragoon Saga, a game that helped the Saturn blow off the doors on its way out. While many members of the developer Team Andromeda stuck around at SEGA to work on Panzer Dragoon Orta and assorted other projects, the team as a unit disbanded after Panzer Dragoon Saga. Team Andromeda was born on the Saturn, lived on the Saturn, and ultimately died with it.

Panzer Dragoon Saga began development not long after Panzer Dragoon Zwei. Having just come off the fairly successful first game, Team Andromeda split into two teams. One of the two teams, comprised of around 30 members, set about the task of making a direct follow-up to the first game's rail-shooting action. The remaining staff began work on Panzer Dragoon Saga. They would be joined by the bulk of of Panzer Dragoon Zwei's staff once that game was finished and released in early 1996. Most of the first year was spent simply figuring out the design challenges of adapting the shooting action into a role-playing game format. Fortunately, they had the rather capable Panzer Dragoon Zwei engine to use as a base for their game, so some of the programming obstacles were already addressed from the start.

Nevertheless, the development of Panzer Dragoon Saga was a serious challenge. Team Andromeda had virtually no prior experience developing RPGs, which proved to be a double-edged sword. They had to figure out a lot along the way, but their inexperience is likely what led to Panzer Dragoon Saga's many innovative ideas. They were not only embarking on their first RPG, but also a fully 3D RPG. More capable systems than the Saturn were largely relying on pre-rendered backgrounds to free up polygons for the characters, but Panzer Dragoon Saga rendered as much as it could in real-time polygonal graphics, allowing the camera more freedom. This was no mean feat for the Saturn, but Team Andromeda had a knack with the system that was nearly unmatched. If anyone was going to be able to get good results out of the Saturn on this particular front, it would be them.

The game spent nearly four years in development and, for their part, SEGA threw a lot of resources behind it. The game featured an all-star Japanese voice cast, a vocal theme from the artist who performed the Japanese dub of Belle in Disney's Beauty and the Beast, and even made use of motion capture, a relative rarity at the time. The game also uses an extensive amount of pre-rendered CG video, the main cause behind it shipping on four discs. SEGA clearly had high hopes for the game, which likely put even more pressure on what was already the most ambitious project Team Andromeda had ever attempted. Tempers flared, relationships were damaged, and the game's director Yukio Futatsugi found himself having to take on a stricter role than he was used to. Two staff members died during the game's production, and Futatsugi believes it was due to the stress involved in the game's creation. Now, SEGA may have been restructuring their internal teams at the time anyway, but I doubt that was the only reason many members of Team Andromeda went their separate ways following Panzer Dragoon Saga's release.

By the time the game released worldwide in the first half of 1998, the writing was on the wall for the SEGA Saturn. The system still had a healthy following in Japan, but SEGA's subsidiaries in other countries were already preparing to clear the deck for their next (and final) console, the Dreamcast. SEGA of America was particularly strident about putting the ailing 32-bit console to rest. The person who oversaw the Genesis era where SEGA of America had found the company's greatest success, Tom Kalinske, had parted ways with the company a couple of years earlier after the Saturn failed to catch on. His replacement, Bernie Stolar, was brought in for a very specific purpose: to do for the Dreamcast what he had done for the PlayStation when he was the Vice President of Sony Computer Entertainment of America. Keeping the loyal Saturn owners happy wasn't one of his priorities.

So it was that Panzer Dragoon Saga launched in America with a rumored shipment of 20,000 copies available for the system's 1.8 million North American owners. SEGA of America shorted just about every shipment of their last several Saturn releases, but Panzer Dragoon Saga was easily their biggest miscalculation in this regard. Stolar apparently had something of a disdain for RPGs, which may have had some business justification during his early years at Sony but looked positively absurd in a post-Final Fantasy 7 world. Panzer Dragoon Saga had a lot of buzz, and reviews of the game seemed to confirm that said buzz wasn’t just fluff, making it the highest-rated Saturn game ever released. Now, I'm not a fool. I know the reality of the Saturn's position in the world in 1998. But I also know that SEGA could have sold a lot more copies of that game than they did. They could probably more than double their sales of the game if they reprinted the Saturn version today, even.

Indeed, a reprint of the Saturn version of the game is probably the best we can hope for with regards to seeing Panzer Dragoon Saga re-released. Through some means or another, the source code for the game was lost almost immediately. No one has publicly gone on the record about what happened, but it was confirmed that it wasn't simply lost through carelessness. Given the volatile condition of Team Andromeda after the game was completed, I wouldn't be surprised if something happened to the code in the chaos. Thus, hopes for a re-release of the game are pinned on one of two possibilities: a from-scratch remake, or an emulated release. SEGA has always been shy about the former with regards to Saturn games, and while the latter is certainly possible on today's hardware, it's hard to say if there's a sufficiently large market for Saturn games to merit investing in a proper emulator.

Fortunately for me, the Japanese version isn't terribly hard to come by. The game sold nearly 100,000 copies in Japan and doesn't have nearly the buzz around its collectibility that it has in other regions. You can therefore get your hands on good used copy of the game for under $30, an average price for a game released late in the Saturn's life. Since I sold off my only copy of the English version a while back, this was my only way to replay the game. Still, it was fun to play through the game in its original language. SEGA did a decent job on its localization, but games of this era often read better in Japanese than they do in English.

For such a big production, Panzer Dragoon Saga's story feels smaller in scope than the RPG trend at the time would dictate. The plot deliberately focuses on a small handful of people and while the stakes are high in one sense, you're not exactly trying to save the world, either. You play as Edge, a member of a mercenary group hired by the Empire to guard their latest excavation site. A monster attack leads to you discovering a mysterious girl buried in the wall of the site. No sooner do Edge and his companions make their way out of the site than another attack comes, this time from the rebel Black Fleet. They kill Edge's friends, grab the girl, and leave Edge for dead. After inputting your name, you'll watch a white light descend back into the site, where we find Edge miraculously alive, floating in some water.

Edge soon joins up with the dragon and decides he'd like a hot dish of revenge for his fallen companions. He meets up with a scavenger named Gash who gives him some information in exchange for a ride. Edge eventually catches up with the Black Fleet and its leader, Craymen, but quickly comes to blows with the Fleet's newest ally: the mysterious girl Azel and her dragon Atolm. Craymen has made his way to one of the ancient towers, said to hold great power to those who can make use of them. Edge ends up clashing with Azel again, this time ending with both of them separated from their dragons and stranded together.

It's here that we learn Azel's story. She is a bio-engineered drone from an ancient era. She was designed for the purpose of interfacing with the towers, which is why Craymen was searching for her. The two eventually find their dragons again and go their own ways, with Azel warning Edge that she'll kill him if he crosses Craymen again. I don't want to spoil the whole game, but suffice it to say that a lot of parties get involved in this pursuit for power, and it's hard to know who you can trust. Craymen in particular has a lot of nuance to his character and even after all is said and done, it's hard to say whether he was wrong or right. There's certainly a lot of hubris to go around among just about every member of the main cast, at least.

Alright, I'd like to do two paragraphs of spoilers now. If you ever plan on playing the game, skip this paragraph and the next. Panzer Dragoon Saga makes use of a clever trick you might have seen before and may have seen since. The white light at the beginning of the game was you, the player, inhabiting the body of Edge, presumably bringing him back to life. You are the Divine Visitor destined to bring an end to the merciless rule of Sestren, an AI network that controls the towers and, through them, the world. The dragon that you've been riding for the past three games is actually a rogue AI program that Sestren purged, which is why it's able to change its form so easily. In each of the games, the dragon makes an attempt to cause damage to Sestren. In this game, it finally succeeds. Sestren falls, and humanity is for better or worse on its own from now on.

It's a future that Edge won't see. It's hard to say if he would have survived your essence leaving his body, but he ends up sacrificing himself anyway to put a stop to Sestren. Azel, having fallen in love with Edge and believing he is still out there somewhere, begins a search whose outcome we won't get to see in this game. Panzer Dragoon Orta, the final game in the series, sheds some light on what happens with her. It's a real downer of an ending, as we get to see how Edge's friends wait for him to return as he promised. We as the players and the agents of his demise know the truth, but they don't. This ending was another interesting way that the narrative subverted RPG norms.

Okay, it's safe from here. I want to talk about the gameplay mechanics of Panzer Dragoon Saga, because it's here where the game really gets weird. For starters, your battle party will only ever consist of you and your mount. While many exploration sections have Edge walking around on foot, you'll mostly be getting around on the back of your dragon. To examine things in the environment, you have to lock-on to them the same way you would with your lasers in the previous games. This works for opening chests, manipulating switches, and even talking to people. The game uses an overworld map with points of interest on it. You simply direct your character to the area you want to go to and you'll enter it. This areas can be quite large and made up of multiple maps, so it's not like the game is hurting for size, either.

While there are some fixed battles here and there, most of the fights are random encounters. Once you're in a battle, the game's roots become clear. Your character has an action gauge that fills up over time. You'll need at least one bar to take any actions save moving around. Speaking of which, you can switch your positioning relative to the enemy at any time. Your action bar will freeze while you do this, however, so it's best to try to stick to one side as long as you can. Enemies will be weak from certain angles and use stronger attacks from others. One of the main strategies in the battles in Panzer Dragoon Saga is in using positioning to minimize damage taken and maximize damage dealt. Once you have your meter charged, you can fire off Edge's bowgun with precision aiming, fire a scattered shot of homing lasers courtesy of the dragon, or make use of one of the dragon's special abilities. These function sort of like magic does in other RPGs, dealing some heavy damage, buffing your character, or even healing.

I'll grant that it's not the deepest system around, but it's awfully fun. You have to learn each enemy's quirks, figure out which ones you want to prioritize in mixed groups, and act quickly to avoid taking more damage than necessary. You'll probably find yourself pounding on the buttons waiting for the meters to fill up, but it's still quite action packed thanks to the need to constantly shift your position. The developers really did capture the feeling of a Panzer Dragoon rail shooter while bringing it firmly into RPG territory. Lest you get too bored doing the same thing all the time, the game also features a system that allows you to change your dragon into a number of different types, each with their own stats and special abilities. This is done via a cool slider that morphs your dragon's appearance in real-time. So if you want to go in hard on direct combat, you can switch to the attack-focused form, for example. You have granular control over just how far your dragon leans into each stat, too. I don't think I've played any other RPG with a system similar to this, so it still feels fresh today.

The game hasn't aged spectacularly well from a visual standpoint, though. The CG videos look pretty good even now, but they are certainly of their era. The 3D graphics look alright when you're cruising around on your dragon's back, but less so when you're on foot or in towns. The battles are probably where it shines the most, which makes a lot of sense. Most of the battles opt for some truly cinematic camera angles from certain positions on the field. The developer largely controls what you can or can't see from any given angle, which probably gave them the freedom to cut loose in those fights. For a 3D Saturn game it looks great overall, even in its weaker portions, but I'm not sure how high of praise that is in the current year. 

Naturally, the audio holds up just fine. The voice cast really was packed with talent, most of whom are still doing quite a bit of work in games and anime today. Composers Saori Kobayashi and Mariko Nanba turned in an outstanding soundtrack that matched the tone established in previous installments and taking things out a bit further to match the increase in scope. SEGA at one time sold an official soundtrack for the game that I would heartily recommend were it not, like the game, out of print. Hopefully one of the fine music companies releasing retro game soundtracks will eventually get to this one, because it deserves to be heard. I suppose with the game's 20th anniversary coming up next year, anything is possible, right?

Replaying Panzer Dragoon Saga was an interesting experience. Its legend has lost some of its shine for me over the years, so I think I was more able to understand its true nature this time around versus playing it in an ecstatic state brought on by actually finding the blasted thing. The lock-on interface is kind of cumbersome and screaming for a second stick. The graphics don't look all that great when you get close to things, but the camera choreography is still excellent. Along with the somewhat action-based system, it makes battles feel much more exciting than those found in most RPGs. I've played a few more games that used a similar narrative twist now, so that doesn't come off quite as impressively as it once did.

My biggest take-away from the game is that there's still nothing out there quite like it. Perhaps it's owing to its complexity, or maybe even its scarcity and resultant obscurity, but I can't think of any other RPG I've played that takes a similar approach to its battle system. I also appreciate the game's quick pace more than I used to. I find as I get older, I like it when a game doesn't waste too much of my time on filler. That's a big contrast from when I was younger, when time was apparently endless and new games came infrequently.

Above all, Panzer Dragoon Saga deserves to be far more widely-played. It's baffling that SEGA has yet to take a gamble on the game's notoriety with a re-release, even knowing what that would entail. Its ambiguous themes, innovative gameplay systems, and unusual plot would likely play quite well with modern RPG fans, and if that meant the game had to be rebuilt from scratch, well, the graphics could probably use that anyway. I won't go as far as to say this is one of the best RPGs of all-time, but it's really enjoyable to play and more than a little bizarre in its execution. I can't help but appreciate games like that.

Previous: Shining the Holy Ark

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[movies-are-magic]

Moana (pt. 1)

Moana (called Vaiana in many countries of Europe for copyright reasons) is Disney’s latest animated feature film. It garnered outstanding success as well as critical acclaim all over the world. This being more of a review than an actual piece of analysis, here are some thoughts on why its positive reception is so well-deserved. Because of the length of this piece, I'm posting this in two parts, this being the first.

part 2

WARNING: Contains heavy spoilers. If you have not seen the movie, chances are that this text will be difficult to understand.

It is difficult to pick one aspect of the film to begin this song of praise, but maybe the beginning is the best anyway. I do not often watch animated movies because many are noisy, packed with unnecessary giddiness to make them ‘fun’, but finally quite boring when it comes to the ever-the-same story. Moana is none of this, and because of the trailers as well as a personal interest in Polynesian culture, I was eager, but also a little reserved, to watch this movie. Would Disney treat Polynesian people, their world and beliefs, with the necessary respect? Would it be possible to translate so much into something as little as a ninety minutes film?

From what I can say, the first scenes of the film cleared that up with a big YES. Whether it’s the creative way of blending 2D and 3D animation, the telling of legends by Gramma Tala, or that the goddess who gave life to everything is at the heart of this tale, it all flows together beautifully. Better even, it turns out that just as we have been audience to Tala’s story, so have been the village kids of whom Moana is one. After a cute scene of comedy with the kids being frightened by their Gramma’s story, there is one of the most natural and heart-warming depictions of a toddler ever animated. By the time Moana has become friends with the ocean, there is no way of not having been moved to tears by this story already.

These very short moments at the beginning of the film illustrate the immense amount of work that went into its making. The creators of the movie not just did their standard research journey to several places in the Pacific, they also invited a full board of experts of Polynesian culture, most of them Polynesian, to watch over the story process and give critical feedback. This might not sound like much to some of you, but sadly, it is very rare for moviemakers depicting a culture they are not directly familiar with to go to such lengths. It should be standard, but it is absolutely not.

You could say that the story of a young protagonist finding their way by believing in themselves and becoming a hero is not exactly original. How many big-budget Hollywood movies of this type with a female Polynesian protagonist can you name though? With exact precision to culture, highly detailed characters, jokes that are really funny and appropriate for all ages, and without platitudes? With the heroine being the heroine not because she is a) a princess or b) turning out to be better than everyone for some oddish reason, but because she cares about her world and her people and does what she can for them? Who is shown as a realistic person? Exactly.

The realism of both the animation as well as the storytelling is probably what draws in the audience so quickly. The depiction of nature isn’t just incredibly beautiful, it is almost photorealistic. I have never seen water rendered so well before, nor natural light. Just as much work went into the characters. Maui, for example, is introduced as a trickster, an ambiguous character, who causes the mysterious darkness to be born from the goddess Te Fiti when he steals her life-giving heart. That in itself is a wonderful metaphor, the way Maui on one hand does everything to make his fellow humans happy, bringing great things to humanity, but more or less because he wants to be appreciated, not actually because of higher morals. Still, it is a very relatable way of acting, one that is easy to understand. On the other hand, he is more or less the villain of the story that way. He is never actually vilified though, nor fully excused for what he did. Like a living, breathing person, Maui has to stand up for what he did and acknowledge that he was responsible and at fault. That’s never taken off him. He does get the chance to make up for it though, and be a stubborn, full-of-himself, fun, resourceful, and surprising character with a whole lot of character facets – without taking the spotlight from Moana. Also, mini-Maui? Genius. The animation of 2D on 3D was apparently very difficult, but it is such a great way to bring the significance of tattoos into the storytelling.

Speaking of tattoos, let’s talk about Gramma Tala. She is one of Disney’s comedic characters, but a sharp one, one who chooses being the ‘village crazy’ as she calls herself because it gives her freedom to do what is right, and live life the way she wants. Nobody stops her at this, in fact, she seems to be greatly revered, and my, look at the artistry, the wisdom, and the knowledge of that woman! Much more than anyone else, it is Gramma Tala over and over who teaches Moana to go her own way, never to have herself pushed into a box, both by telling her so and giving her granddaughter the means, but also by living this way herself. Her stingray tattoo and the way she dances with these animals, only to turn into one herself, are fantastic elements that deeply enrich the story.

What I also very much appreciate about this story is how the village life is depicted, and how Moana is shown as part of it, not as a rebel. You see people who work with and for each other as a peaceful community living together, not just next to each other. In times like ours, where more and more young people leave their communities because of poverty and the apparent glitter of Western lifestyles in the big continental cities, where aggressiveness and elbow-thinking are so widely spread, it is important to remember that living closely with all your neighbours, caring for each other and what is best for everyone, creates quite a different kind of home and individual mindset. Gramma Tala educates all the children, not just her own core family, and when the kids are scared, they all run to Chief Tui as if he’s everyone’s papa. Because he is there fore everybody.

Moana understands this right at the beginning of the movie, as she is shown growing up. At first we see her trying to sail the ocean on her own and being disgruntled when she is kept from it. But as she gets older, she realises more and more that she is happy at home, living with her people, that she is one of them, and that she wants to be chief because that’s good for everyone. She works very hard, she understands every aspect of the village life perfectly, and people are openly proud of her achievements as her parents teach her to be their successor. There are moments when she glances wondrously at her grandmother, but they are much shorter than in the beginning. Still, they dance together by the ocean, and that is so beautiful.

Mind you, this is the beginning of the movie. Moana’s actual doubts whether she wants to be chief are already over by then. This is not Merida who openly opposes her people’s way of marrying her off. In fact, and I love this, Moana’s story comes completely without romantic love. No princes, no dashing adventurer to steal her heart – the only heart stolen is Te Fiti’s, and that wasn’t romantic at all. In fact, Moana even sets out to restore that heart, because its theft brought nothing but evil.

Not many Disney movies show a fully functional family, but Moana does, and it does so well. It is a family where Dad sometimes gets loud, but not because he doesn’t understand his daughter. He understands her too well. Actually he is not wrong in making sure Moana becomes a great new chief, and he is not wrong at all in worrying about her going sailing out on the ocean, as he is be worried about everyone. Moana understands that somehow, too. It is important to notice though that she does not actually rebel against her culture. Quite in contrast, she doesn’t even think of going away alone anymore after that first disastrous attempt. Instead, what truly sets her off is her grandmother’s explicit command on her deathbed to take the boat her ancestors built and find Maui: her grandmother, who has prepared her to see that alternative in her way of living all her life, just as her father has prepared her all her life to become the next chief. Moana feels pulled back and forth between those two ways, only to find out that they are not split, but in fact one path: her ancestors, whose tradition and way of living she is supposed to continue as chief, were sailors themselves. She was not wrong or odd at all, she was actually right! Her own culture approves of her ‘wayward’ wishes much more than she had ever known.

What I also very much appreciate is that Moana is not shown as a loud, I-can-do-everything teenager. She is allowed to be noisy, loud, she can be wise, clever, even cunning, and a mature young woman, but she also stomp her foot and insults the ocean in very funny ways when she doesn’t understand. On her journey, she has a nightmare of her parents encountering the darkness. Being afraid of Maui, she stands up against him either way. She is a young woman with a lot of inner strength, inner struggles, frustration, happiness, but also a lot of kindness. This might not always be so obvious, but it is shown as one of her first noticeable traits. Even as a little kid, Moana already protects the weak, shown as she helps a little turtle find the ocean. Later, she is shown with Pua, her adorable pig, and if it were not for her, the rooster Hei-hei would be soup already. The person who softly explains to the bird that the ocean is not to be feared, that is the same person who once defended a tiny turtle against birds almost as big as she. We will come back to this later.

Another big relief is that Moana being female is never given as a reason why she should not do something. Apparently there was a story arc once in which she had several brothers and prove that she could sail much better than them, but wasn’t allowed to set out on the journey for reasons of being a woman. Of course it is important to point out that such rules are rubbish, but you know what’s even more important, but so very rare? To tell stories where the question of male or female is never even asked. Where it is absolutely normal that Moana, as a woman, becomes chief and an explorer. This message is much stronger than any lecture could be, however well-intended. Maui does call Moana a princess when he wants to insult her, which is a bit much, but I guess they did want to make the message clear for people who needed it spelled out.

The gender aspect is very well depicted in this movie: you have well-drawn male characters, such as Chief Tui, Maui, even Tamatoa is fantastic, but also a great cast of female characters who are all directly linked: Gramma Tala has a lot of influence in raising her granddaughter, but Moana’s mother Sina as a quiet, gentle character is just as important, even if she has less screen time. When Moana is in despair over her grandmother dying and the terrifying quest bestowed on her, it is Sina who, without words, helps her pack food for the journey and sees her off, thus encouraging her daughter in her ways. It is then Moana’s quick mind and gentle heart that releases Te Fiti from her agony.

It should also be pointed out that Gramma Tala’s death is not a cheap story device to create an emotional reaction and cause the hero to become active. It is a good move to depict the death of an elderly relative realistically, but also to give the (younger) audience a way of coping with that that comes directly from Polynesian culture: the belief in ancestors.

Just as living in the community is important, so is the knowledge that your ancestors are still around, still guiding. For Moana Gramma Tala is the most important here, but also her ancestors from many hundred years ago, who show her that her people were once sailors. This gives her courage, in fact, it’s what I would call the heart of the story. But I will come back to that at the end of this.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not Polynesian, so if you are and you spot something in this essay that’s not okay, please don’t hesitate to call me out on it. I’d be very grateful!

[crushing83]

Soooo... @saawek​ sort of tagged me (I saw my name in the post because I was flipping through my newsfeed at just the right time, but the link didn't work or show up in my activity, so I'm assuming I can do this...), and now I'm listing my works-in-progress. I might tag a few people at the bottom because I, too, am a curious kitten and I love hearing about what other people have on the go.  

Writing:  

Fanfic side:  

Tolkien/Fast & Furious >> Thranduil/Owen Shaw >> Bullets and Blades 10... I actually cracked it open this weekend and started picking at what I'd written last. (Oh, and to anyone who started following me after I unintentionally hiatus-ed this one? Yes, you read that pairing right. Thranduil and Owen Shaw. Yep, yep.)  

Tolkien   >> Thranduil/Bard >> Spins and Pirouettes 4 was started a long time ago and then it started to get sad and I didn't like that so I focused on B&B instead. I'll eventually get back to it. There were a lot of mistakes in it---writing mistakes---and having a beta point out things in another story made me realise what I was doing in this one, and it's been hard to go back. I'll get there, eventually. Yes.  

SPN >> mostly gen >> The Winchester Gospel, where a tricksy archangel (who lives, obviously) makes sure his dad's work is discovered as ancient scrolls. Kind of hops all over my timeline right now, because I'm writing it in bits and pieces and not at all chronologically. Follows some faves, follows descendants of faves. Haven't started posting it yet.   >> Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester/Female Reader >> An untitled story that was supposed to be for @mrswhozeewhatsis' April Fools challenge, but got away from me and now I don't know how to end it. The reader's ace!spec, there's some non-sexual kink stuff, Dean and Sam both have squishy feelings for the reader/character (because it's my fantasy), they have a great big hunt in the middle of a werewolf den (it's not what you think)… oh, and Ketch is a scary douche (predictable).   >> Team Free Love-ish/Female Reader >> Forging a Bond. There are two chapters left. I will get there. I promise. They just need editing.   >> Gabriel/Sam Winchester >> Six Months, one of my vape shop AU fics. I've been chipping away at the next chapter recently.   >> Gabriel/Sam Winchester >> An untitled AU story about ace!spec Sam, trying to figure out a way to tell his brother he's ace (or demi). This one's been super hard to write. But, I'm pushing through it.   >> Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Dean/Castiel (eventually) >> A "what if Josie was never possessed and Henry never went to the future" fic. I have one chapter written, and it's basically turning into a husband!spy vs wife!spy sort of showdown between Mary and John with the boys in the middle.  

SPN/Beyond Belief (TAH)   >> Frank Doyle/Sadie Doyle, slight Gabriel/Sam Winchester >> A sequel to When God Comes to Call..., because Gabriel needs to grow up and face the flannel-wearing duo. And because I want Frank and Sadie to meet 'em, too. I'm just... stuck, right now.  

SPN/Criminal Minds   >> Gabriel/Spencer Reid, maybe Gabriel/Spencer Reid/Sam Winchester >> Falling is the Easy Part, my drop-Spencer-into-season-nine-and-see-what-happens fic. Some of it's been posted. It's going to be long. I'm not 100% sure where it's going yet, though. So, I'm taking my time.

SPN/Marvel Cinematic Universe >> An untitled "what if Justin Hammer somehow found out about the supernatural side of the world and tried to harness it for his own gain" fic. I only have about a hundred words written so far, so I'm really not sure what it's gonna be yet. Mostly it's an excuse to have Sam and Dean interact with the Avengers, if/when I get there.  

SPN/Sanctuary >> Helen Magnus/Sam Winchester >> An untitled fic where Helen is tracking down Sam for some MOL information. I only have about 200 words written so far. But I want to see these two be dangerous together and then geek out together.  

Dark Angel >> An untitled fic about what could happen after "Freak Nation." Mostly, it's Alec remembering things, doing things to keep his pack or unit together, and trying not to hold a grudge against Max because she doesn't know any better when it comes to having so many of Manticore's soldiers together. I think I started this after getting sick of watching her tear down Alec. Not that he's a saint. But. It made me cranky, watching her put him down all the time.  

Personal project side:   >> NaNoWriMo 2016 >> This story will never be finished. I hit the word limit. But I need about double that to wrap it up, and I'm really, really stuck. One of the themes is magic is dying. Another theme is the main character's, where she's looking for a place where she (and her ace!spec-ness) fits in. And then it's all mostly set inside a bdsm club. The sequel to the story is already sort of in my head, but I can't get to that point because I'm so stuck and bogged down with the first story.  

Illustration (and animation):  

Fandom side:   Quattro Formaggio   >> Four Cheese comics >> I still have two or three waiting to post... and I want to get to an even 12. So I need to write and render a few more. A couple are thumbnailed.   >> Jailbreak 2016 >> I cut audio from a few clips of the concert, and I have the animatic done... but animation makes my brain seize up. It's like I'm blocked. So... that's on hold for a while.   >> Space Jam Dance >> I really want to animate the cheeses dancing. To a song from Space Jam.  

Saturday Night Salad >> The full line-up >> I'm in the process of turning almost everyone into a 3D vegetable---or fruit. I want to make a big poster with everyone in it. Right now, the ones I've done... I think the next one on my list is... celery, but that'll be one of the last almost-regular SNS-ers. So. Those ones are modelled. And then I have to finish the occasionals. And then go through the texturing and rigging process.  

Team Free Breakfast (or Brunch)   >> The line-up of five >> I'm still rigging Pancake!Cas. Not because it's hard, but because I rig every day at work. And getting psyched up about coming home and doing more rigging? Doesn't happen all that often.  

#Blame The Musk >> The product line-up >> For now, I'm just trying to get the products textured. They're all modelled and sort-of rigged (just single controls on everything so I can move 'em around later). Later, I will be making mock advertisements with all the products.  

Personal project side:   >> Various 3D projects >> I started renovating an old robot project from school, hoping to make it something for a new reel (but it's a mess, because I was a student and scrambling to finish things for project deadlines, so I find the whole thing discouraging). I've also been trying to model a character so I can work on a face rig set-up---but organic modelling is SO NOT MY THING. The only other thing I've been working on is a sort of bdsm dungeon that fits in a shoebox. I haven't looked at it in probably a year. Most of it's modelled, it just needs texturing. The point was to comp it into video footage of an actual shoebox being put on or taken off a shelf.  >> Tattoo design >> So. When I was a wide-eyed and innocent frosh, with the taste of freedom from my very demanding (but lovable) parents fresh in my heart, I ran out and got a tattoo. I designed it, which may have been stupid, but whatever. It's an abstract take on a claddagh ring, just the lines, and with spiky sort of wings instead of hands. It's on my lower back. Which was fine for a couple of years. (Then, the term "tramp stamp" became a thing.) I feel like it's important to say I do not regret getting it. It was freedom. Probably the first I felt ever, really, and I will always love it for that. But. I didn't take care of it as well as I should have. And I gained weight (because college) then lost it, gained it and then some, lost it, and gained more, and so on. So the tattoo is a little fuzzy. And I do feel shame about that. I've been trying to turn this little fuzzy thing into a larger back piece that's like a collage of different style and different elements and imagery. I can't do the finer details because I'm not that good at drawing, but I've been trying to rough something out so I can go to an actual artist (someday lol) and give them the sketches and go from there.  

//  

But getting all of this stuff done is contingent on my shoulders and arms not being sore enough---or just being numb enough---so I can sit and work on this stuff. (Backstory: my work desk is well on its way to killing me, and there's no alternative; we're in those call-centre almost-cubicles and the desks are about three to five inches too tall for me. Shoulder and arm pain for years. Goes to show how artists rate, huh? Can't even get a desk to fit! /rant+whining)   So, I have a bunch of things on the go, and when I feel like I can move without wanting to scream, I tinker on something that matches my mood or snags my interest. Eventually (hopefully), I'll finish something.  

Aaaaaand.  

Now. Who do I want to pester today, hmm? *rubs hands together*

@lacqueluster and @thequeervet... am I allowed to ask what you two are working on? Or what you're thinking about working on? And @evansluke, @piyo-13 @little-red-83, and @ofplanet-earth? How about you guys, toooooo?  

What have you all been up to creatively lately? Any words? Or art? Video? Photography? Body art? Fanmixes? Metalworking? (I don't know if any of you do that. Just throwing it all out there because there are different ways to be creative. I was following the example format I was given, but there are so many more things that can be done.)

Okay. I am so sorry to anyone seeing this because it got very long. Whoops! 

[tristikovart]

A Retrospective of Role

Or “It really took 15 years to get from that, to this?”

If you’d like to share in my cringe have a look at my progress as an artist, then grab a beverage and a snack, because this is gonna be a looooooooong post.

So to go back to the beginning, I have always liked to draw; in particular I’ve always liked animals, so it isn’t much of a surprise that some of my earliest “original characters” were based on my team in Pokemon Yellow. However, it was another Game Boy game called Dragon Warrior Monsters which provided what turned out to be a lasting inspiration. It also only allowed for 4 letter names.

- 2002 -

If I recall correctly, I was on vacation at a lake in New Hampshire with CerebralZero, when I drew my first ever pic of Role:

She also apparently had scaly forearms and a distinct beak here too; those didn’t stay, but she did keep the wings for some time. 

Given the context of DWM (monster battling), Role didn’t have a lot of background at the time... Though I did have some running gags with my friend Alex who also played the crap out of DWM, I only drew some of our monsters later on in a single rough sketch.

The first continuity I had after Pokemon. [shudder] This shit is really going back in time for me. Note that Role’s outfit makes no fucking sense; but surprisingly, while Sela at the far right looks like some DeviantArt sparkle-bird abomination, she actually is about as ridiculous as the Rain Hawk DWM monster she was based on (I think in-game she actually ended up in part of Role’s lineage because Rain Hawks learn the MEGA MAGIC skill, and thus she would pass it on to Role through monster husbandry.)

- 2003 - 

For a while I gave her some kind of SWAT uniform thing. I’m pretty sure I intended her pistol to be the Enforcer from Unreal / UT Classic. She also went blonde for a while.

Using my sick dial-up internet connection at the time I found out that digital coloring was a thing, and I asked my folks to get me Photoshop Elements 1.0 at our local Staples. I also got a scanner, which ushered in an exciting new world of not being aware of the multiply setting, layers, or cleaning up line-art.

However, Role proved pretty good at rocking out in front of crappy jpegs BGs

- 2004 -.

During this time, I went through a bunch of character designs and continuities (itself amusing to look at; perhaps I’ll make a future post for the truly bored.)

All things considered, when I stuck to pens and prismarkers, I don’t think the result was too terrible. Note the blonde again.

IIRC her outfit above is based off of a pinup wallpaper of Jo from Altermeta gen 1. HOW’S THAT FOR DATED?

ARRGG back to the horrendous digital coloring. I actually did much worse coloring a little bit earlier, if you can believe it. Some basic digital art tips would have a gone a long way back then. Anyway, it was about this time that Role transitioned to a new continuity with one of the several iterations of Gyr, who was my go-to character for a few years. Note Role’s design stabilized around this time with the garish fuchsia eyeshadow, t-shirt, and brown “hair”.

BONUS ROUND: Ryhs Rhys (took me a while to get it straight) is also really fucking old! However, she disappeared for a time, while I kept drawing Role. This cast of characters stuck around for a while, and I drew quite a bit of them, including a number of silly comics, frequently involving my friend’s avatar, Raze, inducing mischief by being a self-important douche.

I certainly drew a lot of pinup art of Role; this habit hasn’t really changed… 2004 had a particularly productive stretch due to me going on vacation to Vermont, again at a lake (similar to where I drew her first pic) and having ample free time to occupy.

This trip was also officially commemorated with a 5 page comic about just that.

- 2005 -

I think this pic was actually late 2004, but either way I still think it stands out as pretty cool for the time. Note Role’s “hair” has transitioned to actual hair from its previous feathery styling. Note the lack of wings too. Also, IIRC the only time she was drawn with closed-toe shoes.

Otherwise 2005 is kinda light on dated pics of Role; probably because I had started drawing Ress more often (another good topic for a retrospective) and had also developed Maru and other equine characters.

- 2006 -

Check it out! Some signs of progress at last! The 2006 iteration of this cast focused on these three (and ditched the wings across the board), as well as folded in the other equine characters to some kind of mid-2000s city life continuity. Role’s shirt also gained a big 01, and might have been her old softball jersey or something.

Around this time, CowBunny, a fellow artist on DeviantArt, also drew me some really cool fanart! CB, if you’re out there, I hope you’re doing well!

I also drew the first (and a little slim) Oktoberfest Role picture, replete with god-awful shift-clicked mouse lines. Note the braids here.

- 2007 -

I had started school at this point, and IIRC I drew this sketch during my first semester, while riding the D-line from Brookline Village to Riverside, on my way back to my school’s temporary dorms at Regis College.

- 2008 -

Doodles of Role (and Maru and Ress in the upper middle) done in various notebooks from school. Note during this time she also developed a bit of a cleft beak for some reason. You know, I still don’t know why despite having one in the original drawing, I always drew her without a defined bill since then (until 2017.) Inspiration from depictions of Chocobos, perhaps?

- 2009 -

Beergirl Role is back! And dammit if this doesn’t hold up pretty well (which I should be glad of, given that I purposely designed this pic to have tattooed on my side!)

- 2010 - 

At this time I was preoccupied with graduating college, and then involved in my first job, so while I have a nice picture of Ress from this time, I didn’t get to Role until the following year.

- 2011 -

But hey, she looked pretty good, so I’d say the wait was worth it. Note that I finally got rid of that fucking eyeshadow. Like, it finally occurred to me that I could use other colors. Or Kelly might have just told me it looked like shit.

- 2012, 2013 -

Didn’t draw Role much (if at all?) during this time, as I started another job, started collecting firearms, and chiefly: Started the modern period of Avania! (The history of how Avania came to be is yet another retrospective topic I could go into detail on, if there are interested persons out there.)

- 2014 -

Well, 2013-14 sucked because the start-up I worked for had gone belly-up and money was tight, but never the less I brought Role into the “present” with the third beergirl drawing. Her hair is lighter in this version, but she kept the braids even when not in fraulein-mode, and apparently I liked the way she looked with glasses in that old sketch. 

Otherwise I spent most of this time making 3D models of most of the Avania characters to play in Unreal Tournament 3. I even made a model of Role, though I didn’t iron out all the rigging issues, and she was rather out of place among all the other characters I had modeled.

- 2015, 2016 -

I started a new job late in 2014 and I’m still there, so things are looking pretty good. However, I had been working on the Avania comic, and any side art had pretty much been exclusively with those characters. Several times I had thought about adding Role into this now all-consuming continuity, but with one of my design choices being limiting the setting to three sentient races, it meant Role as she was wouldn’t fit neatly into the setting, and so I held off on incorporating her.

- 2017 -

However, early this year I decided that it was high time I found a place for my oldest, continuously drawn character in a setting that I have set out to make a fancy, published (at least digitally) comic out of.

I’ve already been posting sketches of her new design, but say goodbye to the old, and hello to the new Role!

Her old design will always be with me (and I mean literally, given the tattoo) but I’m very happy to actually give her something to do now besides get drawn looking pretty. I’ll probably do some finished art of her new design at some point, and maybe even remake her model for my next Avania UT3 release (though it might end up being UT4 at this point--another project somewhere on the distant horizon.)

2018 UPDATE: Role’s latest incarnation now has a fully rendered pinup! This is her design for the Avania comic (launching summer 2018) so be sure to stay tuned if you’re a fan!

Though her previous designs haven’t had much in the way of military themes, I wanted to keep her overall look recognizable. As such color color scheme has remained the same, and I figured her braids would continue to be appropriate in the new context. As she no longer has a lion’s tail, I decided to braid that as well so as to keep the tufted and ribboned look. One other thing that has evolved is her personality; though she past wasn’t ever particularly defined, Role always seemed fairly happy, friendly, hard-working, and a little flirty. In light of her new history growing up in dire times and serving during the final days of her country, her old personality has matured to one of responsibility and self-sacrifice, but has not been entirely overwhelmed!

I’ve really enjoyed Role’s evolution over the years, and I’ve especially enjoyed her recent iterations and the depth that I’ve finally got around to developing for her character and backstory.

If you actually read this incredibly long-winded exploration of my artwork, then I hope you enjoyed it too! If that’s the case, let me know if you’re interested in seeing more posts like this exploring some other long-running characters, or all the early concepts that went into making Avania.

It has been a pleasure sharing my drawings with the internet at large, and I look forward to continuing the habit; cheers!