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aonrivers · 4 years ago

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Pregnancy, Birth, Postpartum, and Baby Time! (TMI warning) - Part 02

In Part 01 I went over the truths about being pregnant. Now that the nine (really ten) months are over... Labor and Postpartum begins.

Labor and Postpartum Truths: 1) Not being able to eat sucks once you're admitted into the hospital. You seriously only get ice water like they say online. So make your last meal one that can hold you out until after birth. 2) Contractions feel like really bad period cramps. I'm sure there's some women who feel them worse, but that's all I got on the topic. I was numb for them most of the time. 3) To induce labor, at least for me, they shoved this "shoelace" thing up my you-know-what. As I said before, I was swollen down there, so any time my cervix was checked I was in a lot of pain, and this thing was no different. 4) Hospital rooms are not quiet. Between hearing everyone outside at the nursing station to the beeping in your room, you also have constant visits from nurses when all you wanna do is rest because you're basically waiting for labor to begin. 5) Water breaking isn't a "oh hey I think I peed myself". No. It's like a queef then GUSH and it doesn't stop until you and your bed are soaked. 6) Catheters are handy when you are bed rest and drinking gallons of water. Also, you get one when you get the epidural. Which they don't really tell you until the epidural is offered. 7) Take the epidural if you don't want to experience a natural and painful birth. I felt no pain leading up to labor. I did however feel a shit ton of pain when the pain relief ran out. They tell you it's because labor is all in your back - this excuse is bullshit. I was in so much pain when that shit wore off that my husband said my labor pain face didn't match this one. Once they take the tube out of your back, the pain fades away. But my back still hurts in that spot even as I type this. The pain in the spine also lingers after giving birth. Almost like you need your back seriously cracked. 8) The epidural needle doesn't really hurt if your pain tolerance is high for stuff like this. It's a pinch. What you do feel that is considered almost like a quick throbbing pain is when the fluid is injected. It's like a small punch to your back. 9) Projectile vomit will most likely occur. All the gallons of water you consumed waiting for labor will come projecting out of you before you go into active labor. Be glad your head doesn't start spinning. I up chucked three times and had to have myself redressed and my bedding changed out. 10) Some labor beds have built in handles to assist with labor. See if yours does. They helped a lot. 11) I tore two tiny spots inside my VJ giving birth. They stick a numbing agent where they see you'll be tearing, so that's cool and all - you'll feel it when you start being mobile again. BTW, some women tear bigger. Luckily my baby was only 7lbs. 12) You may not know your labor doctor. I met mine briefly the day before at my doctor's office, but never before that. Don't feel shy about being exposed in front of them though, they do this for a living. 13) Speaking of being shy. I am a prude with my body. I don't want people checking out my ass or having my nipples poking through my shirt on a cold day but all of this goes out the window when you're in the hospital to give birth and here's why. One: this is the doctor and nurse's job. They see boobs, ass, and vagina every day. And two: you're giving birth - who TF cares what you look like. 14) Pushing a baby out is not like pushing pee out. It's like taking the biggest shit of your life. You push with your asshole. Literally. And it causes hemorrhoids and for your ass to hurt WEEKS after giving birth. (Do yourself a favor and get some fiber enriched foods because pooping is not easy it pain free.) 15) Those home videos of the women giving birth don't exist anymore. It's pretty much illegal. I guess people were blackmailing the mother. Idk. That's what my nurse said. But they give you a big ass mirror to watch the birth of your baby so that's really cool. 16) Hospitals offer photographs of your newborn (unless you gave birth in 2020). It's usually expensive and I would've done it too if they offered. My husband got amazing shots of our daughter which I cropped out to make that oval baby picture our parents in the 80s got. 17) Taking pictures of your baby in the nursery is a big no no. I wish I could've seen my baby under the UV lamp with her glasses on to fix her jaundice, but I was bedridden with the pre-eclampsia. Hubby saw her though. He says she was just chilling while all the other babies were crying their heads off. FYI, the reason you can't take pictures is because of the other babies in there. They're not yours. You don't have the right to photograph them even if your baby is mixed in and she's the only one you want the picture of. 18) I wasn't told this until it came time... But they push your belly and I mean in your belly button and hard. They check if your uterus is shrinking and returning in place. (Breastfeeding helps it go faster.) This pushing hurts like a mofo. Seriously. And they don't care if you're in pain from, oh idk - THE EPIDURAL WEARING OFF! They are required to check. 19) My friend told me this which I think is important to know... When you're doped up on pain meds before birth or if you're having a really hard time during the labor process (time you entered hospital to when the baby pops out), have someone with you. Have that person listen to the words coming out of the doctor and nurse's mouths. My friend didn't and took meds they gave her and was devastated when her baby came out gray and on the edge of death. She didn't know what they gave her or what they said about the meds. If she did, she would've known this would be the outcome of her child's birth (baby lived btw. He just graduated high school last year!) 20) Labor and Delivery nurses are freaking awesome. Postpartum nurses not so much... 21) The hospital food really isn't that bad. At least, it wasn't where I stayed. I had choices for breakfast, lunch, and dinner too! 22) Nurses can't technically tell you no to taking the baby to the nursery. Yes you need bonding time with your baby, but you also need rest. 23) The chair that pulls out into a bed for your partner is uncomfortable af. They have cots. Ask for one. 24) I couldn't have visitors. Make sure you don't either. It's nice. You don't gotta worry about appearance or staying awake for your guest. Birth is about you and your baby (and partner) and the time you have with them. Your guest can wait till you get home. 25) Back to the heartburn and hairy babies talk. This isn't really a myth. My baby came out with a full head of hair, hair on her ears, and fuzz all over her shoulders and back. At a month old it's going away, but that head of hair is real. And so was that heartburn!! 26) Bleeding after birth is like having your period back, but it goes on and on. It changes colors and has a gross smell to it. And wearing a pad again SUCKS! I do have to say though... That mesh underwear they give you is freaking awesome. I want some for my daily wear. 27) For a week or two, I felt like I was punched in the cooch. Walking hurt, getting up hurt, even bathing hurt (no baths until you heal btw, so I showered). Even now, a month later, I still feel pain down there when sitting a certain way (like Indian style). But what do I expect? A freaking baby was pushed out of me!! 28) After the six week heal time is up, don't expect sex to go back to normal. It still hurts for me but this time because of the bruising and stitches. 29) When it's time for sex, lube up. Breastfeeding and hormones still rampant don't assist in easy glide ins (if you know what I mean). 30) When the milk comes in, your boobs get bigger, harder, and start to ache. Feed feed feed or feed and pump. It's the only way to fix it. And don't be surprised when you wake up and your bed is stained with milk puddles because you're still sleeping naked to easily feed your little one at night. My side of the bed is disgusting, but ce la vie! It comes with the territory (like lack of sleep). 31) Also, sleeping on your side with milk filled boobs is not easy. It hurts. Go back to sleeping on your back because belly sleeping isn't comfortable either. 32) Everything you buy or received for your baby screams suffocation with it's warning labels. Don't let it get you paranoid like it did for me. Learn your babies habits and go with your instincts. They also sell baby breathing monitors that alert you if the baby stops breathing. 33) Outfits are cute and irresistible, but try to resist buying those newborn clothes. My baby grew out of them all within three weeks and wore only half of the clothes we had. Also, buy larger clothes - season conscious - that way you're ready when the baby starts growing out of their clothes. We had hardly any 3 month PJs, now her closet is over packed... 34) The baby may not sleep in their crib or bassinet right away. My girl would rather be on me or my husband than a cold bed. Seriously. They want your baby sleeping with nothing but a fitted mattress that's cold and a swaddle or wearable blanket. My baby hates swaddles and kicked too much with the wearable blanket. She sleeps with me for easy feeding and comfort - for me and her. I don't sleep much but slowly I've been getting my Z's and during the day I put her in the bassinet on her belly because I can watch her and she's amazing with that head support already. When she doesn't feed every 2-3 hours, she'll be spending more time on her own in her bed. So don't be discouraged if it's not working for you. It will happen. Just takes time. 35) Sound machine was a waste of a gift. Our phones have sound effects we can tune into. Google Home and Alexa even offer it. My baby doesn't like it, she'd rather listen to us or the TV. Also she doesn't like the dark until she's actually sleeping. She loves bright lights. They tell you the opposite online. 36) If your boobs are small, don't bother getting the shirts where you pull your boob through a window because it won't work. The shirts with the clip that drops to expose the breast are the best. Amazon has great prices and quality shirts on this. My one from Kohl's broke after wearing four times. 37) I really don't think those smiles are gas like they claim it to be. Sure some are. But when your kid smiles without passing gas, they're smiling because they're happy/content. 38) You'll probably end up missing your belly bump the first few weeks like I did. I kept thinking she was still in there. I mean, it's nine months carrying a creature in you. You get used to it. And lastly... 35) You get what you wished for. Any time I talked about having babies, I said keywords on what I wanted: a beautiful, healthy, happy, and smart baby. And I got just that. === So there it is. My journey, my tips, and my nitty gritty of it all of just pregnancy, labor, and postpartum alone!! There is so much more to being a mother; and that will continue in my part 03,04,05,etc to come. IDK how many there will be, only time will tell.

I will continue to update Part 01 and Part 02 when I remember more things.

As Part 03 is conjuring, I would like to say congrats if you're pregnant or gave birth already; and good luck if you're trying.

#pregnancy #birth #postpartum #baby spice #baby #nitty gritty #child #childbirth #children #mother #motherhood #blog #post #new mom #mom to be

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feisty-fae · 4 years ago

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If you still do the flower ask thingys.. 👉👈 𝘼𝙡𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙜𝙤 :)

HoooH boY hEre we gO-

Alisons: Sexuality?

I sexually identify as a can of beans

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

Cis female she/her

Amaryllis: Birthday?

27 September

Anemone: Favorite flower?

All flowers pretty,, but stargazer lily, rose, dahlia and cherry blossoms

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

I don't watch tv but I'll list some other stuff i like to watch:mha, beastars and aggretsuko

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

Idk depends on scenario??

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

"Kanye West he likes, fingers in his ass."

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

Any Milkshakes or smoothies (mostly banana and strawberry for milkshake and p much anything for smoothie)

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I've never had kith

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

Well you see yes but actually no

Baneberries: Favorite song?

I listen to a lot but to keep it short:baby in the kitchen, in my mouth and friends slowed (chase atlantic)

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

We p chill fam

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

Irl bestie,, shes not on tumblr lol

Begonia: Favorite color?

PinKKK

But i like most colours

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

Cats,,,,

FoxES,

ANYTHING CUDDLY AND CUTE

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

Night

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

I'd be like a doggo bc it would be the most fun i think-

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a vet but then when my granny asked me "but whos gonna clean up the animal poop?" I was like "eWW pO0pP!" and then decided that mayb i shouldn't be a vet

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

They're either really kind and sweet

Or literal demons from hell

Legit no inbetween

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

I'm afraid of lot of things-

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

I was one dumbass bitcg-

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

Idk eat pizza and cry or smth ajakamkw

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

Single

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

NEW YORKKK, CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFF THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN'T DO NOW YOU'RE IN NEW YOOORKKK

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

When someone hugs me or just generally spends time with me

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

Nop

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

I used to have piercings when i was a bab but eHh haven't worn them since and i dont think my ear holes are big enough now-

California Poppy: Height?

4'10 grrr I'm the omega midget and I'll devour ur ankles

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

Nop

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

Pant, pink top and black hoodie

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

I think i have??

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

My mom and my dad

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

I never kith

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

I dont have one so imma say sans bc it always looks out of place and makes me laugh-

Columbine: Are you tired?

I feel like screaming and jumping around my room like a crackhead

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

Nothing in particular ig

Coneflower: Dream job?

Smth kinda fun and art or design related hopefully,,,,

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert but i also get lonley easily

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

Nop,,,,

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

I would get run over by 5 monster trucks, jump off a plane, get mauled by 10 bears, get trampled on by a stampede, get brutally tortured for 12 hours straight, yeet myself into the Grand Canyon and then break all my bones with my bare hands if they weren't broken already

Ok basically i care a lot

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

I had this st bernard plush called Sparky and this lion named Sammy,,

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libra

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

My memory is legit so bad it's probably concerning uHHH

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

Mayb art??

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?

Ehhh i might reason with them and then if they still disagreed I'd just keep the relationship a secret

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

My parents

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

Ehhh arT

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

EhhHh everything that isn't art-

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

Oh boy here comes my shitty memory-

Hmmm

Idk but I'm mostly happy that I've been more social and stuff and i feel like im kinda coming out of my shell a bit

Not sure what to say for other 2 bc nothing in particular has really happend?

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

Ehhh oK??

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

Mayhapsn't

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

I hope to pass all my exams and get an okish job mayb

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

1.fRIENBS ILY MY HABIBIS

2. Fammm

3. eHhh yummy food,,

4. Drawing and uhhh art

5. EPIC MUTUALS

6. Ok idk what else aside from like serious stuff like house and etc.-

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

Drawing, crying, venting to a friend/parent

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

Hugssss,kith,cuddle, *draws u stuff*

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

MmmmmMy aRRt?

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

Wake up

Don't go to school

Vibe with friends

Sleeb

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

MmMmMM aRT-

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

Ehh 8yrs? We met in hell school

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

Friendos

Mom

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

6..?? Aa idk theres some people that idk if they'd consider me a friend or not,,

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Idk any compliment is best compliment for me,,

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

Ew yucky gröss

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

m y a r t

Also my hair bc its soft and wavy,,

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

Everything else-

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

Climb trees and do dumb shit

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

Same irl bestie i mentioned before

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

MmmmmmMMM,,,

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

MMMmMMmMMMMmmmMMm,,,,,,

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

Well I chose Fae bc i thought it sounded pretty

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

Idk what to rlly say lmao

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

Kinda the same but i had toys everywhere-

Also when i was like 5 i had this legit fucking cursed thomas the tank engine shaped bed that i actually found a pic of but it's FUCKING HORRIFYING SO I PROBS WONT SHOW HERE-

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

EW BEING A TEENAGER SUCKS ASS HOW DO I UNDO????

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

Hi mom ily ur epic

Onions: Tell about your dad.

Hi dad ily ur epic

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

Omg i miss my grannies sm bc i couldn't see em this year bc nasty pandemic

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

Haha shit memory gor brrRR-

I don't really remember too many specific parties but when i was like 7-10 i had these epic parties in those birthday places with the giant play areas

I kinda wish i wasn't too old to go to them sobs

Peony: What was your first job?

I haven't had a job yet

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

Hmmmm idk? I haven't really thought abt that but i don't really mind i just wanna find someone to vibe with,,

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

I cri

Pink: Where is home?

Home is home home

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

Now where do i start...

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

I look up to people that are kind, caring, brave, funny, cool or stronger than me ig?

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

Basically my current life minus school, stress,pandemic and responsibilities lmao

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

I used to believe in ghosts after i thought i encountered one

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

Hermmmst

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

Peoples laughsss also music

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Bro i dont have one,, my aphantasia makes it hard for me to remember stuff-

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

I wantttt better chargersss thattt donttt telll meee thatt myyy tablett will finishh chargingg innn 1 dayy andd 7 hoursss

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

Kinda difficult but im opening up more

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

fRIENDS,,,,,wAh

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

8 hrs

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

Idk ig i kinda have to go to school and do stuff

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

Non existant

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

My black and white stripy top, and all my hoodiess

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

I don't think i have just one aesthetic bc im drawn to so many different aesthetics at the same time-

Like vintage, neon, dark, spoopy, pastel, cute, etc etc

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

OMG I LEGIT JUST SCREAM AT ANYTHING ANYONE GIVES ME-

IF SOMEONE GOES OUT OF THEIR WAY TO MAKE ME SMTH I CRY,,

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

🤏

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

I haven't been reading anythinggg

But i should really finish reading Percy Jackson bc it do be picking up dust-

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Everywhere

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

Mmm yummy 👅

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

I am currently living and breathing yes

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forgettinggirlinterrpted · 6 years ago

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Sunday 5/6

My roommates name is Shauna. She doesn’t flush and when I got here there was what I can only assume were soiled clothes in a brown paper bag.

A woman in the hall is also talking about her shit. I’m the youngest person here and im afraid to shower, there’s no door. The poop lady is cackling.

My roommate and I talked, she’s nice, and I met her night nurse and she is so nice. Her name is Maria.

I’m having a hard time figuring out why I feel like this. Its hard b/c I’ve been hungover but surely that’s not all it is. How do you recover from a hangover so bad you end up in a psych ward?

It weird not having my phone, I want to check twitter. I don’t want to go to group therapy tomorrow.

I just can’t stop crying, my eyes actually hurt.

My mouth tastes bad but I have no toothpaste.

I started reading this book called notorious nineteen and it is truly trash.

I don’t have the lights on bc Shauna’s sleeping- I feel like Mozart.

My eyes hurt, I might go call my dad again to get my moms phone number.

Ill be back.

Got Taylor’s # and called her/my mom. Maria gave me some antihistamines to try to calm me down/sleep.

My sisters want to come visit me on Tuesday.

I’ve only eaten a donut this morning.

There’s a painting of a window that is 100% mocking me.

I’m sweaty.

Some snaps I would be sending if I had my phone

*a pic of the little card that was on my bed when I came in w/ a number on it for housekeeping. Caption idea-

is this a joke?

It’s a work in progress.

*def a snap of me whipping/nay naying to the woman whose been singing in the hall all night (singer)

Shauna is snoring. There’s no joke there but its absolutely worth noting.

I just want to play candy crush.

Monday

(12:30 pmish) I feel like I’m in a dream. I’ve been sleeping all day- it turns out it was only like 3 hours tops.

I had so many dreams.

I just went and talked to a big ass table of doctors about my life and I just feel so groggy. They’re in there talking about me.

I skipped lunch b/c my tummy hurt so bad after breakfast.

Shauna puked everywhere.

I think she’s leaving.

Also turns out she’s in withdrawal AND pregnant.

And she has an infected injection site on her arm.

I just talked to my mom/dad/Taylor and asked them to bring me some books + shirts.

The nice psychiatrist said she would give me some adavan to calm me down. Also I skipped lunch b/c my stomach hurt so bad from breakfast but now I’m hungry so I guess they’re gonna order me something. I feel so weird. (might have napped here)

4ish pm

40 mg stratera (sp?), one mg atavan.

Finally left my room, I’ve been asleep all day.

Nurse went and got me a coke + a water and I saw they’re watching forgetting Sarah Marshall so I thought Id join. Everyone called me out when I came in since ive been hiding out. Bitches.

Movies suggested by the dude I’m watching FSM w/

- assassin’s creed

-Dogma

10 positive ways to describe myself

1. Legs that go up to my asshole

2. College educated

3. Big heart

4. Good sense of humor

5. Love babies

6. Love my friends

7. Good communicator

8. Love the outside

9. Big smile

10. Lovely family

9 positive coping skills

1. Talk to Taylor

2. Going on walks

3. Calling my parents

4. Reading

5. Going to therapy

6. Doing hw

7. Watching movies

8. Candy crush (questionable)

9. Eating veggies

8 things I’ve accomplished

1. College

2. Getting into grad school

3. Learning Spanish

4. Coming to the hospital

5. Making great friends

6. Moving a lot and making it through

7. Driving to SLC

8. Supporting myself (for the most part)

7 healthy things I can do each day

1. Eat well

2. Shower

3. Talk to my friends

4. Not drink

5. Clean my room

6. Clean my clothes

7. Do my hw

6 things I can change

1. My eating habits

2. Drinking

3. Exercising more

4. Getting a routine

5. Whitening my teeth

6. How I see myself

5 things I can’t change

1. How my family acts

2. How my friends act

3. The status of the US public school system

4. The amount of sunlight in my apt

5. My face

4 reasons I can’t give up

1. My family

2. I’m going to change the world

3. My friends

4. My future students

3 places I can get help

1. w/ dr. whose name I can’t remember

2. my apt (Taylor)

3. the hospital

2 people I can really trust

1. Taylor

2. my parents

1 reason I’m here

1. I need to not feel like this anymore

I’m holding myself back from asking why everyone’s here.

Assassin’s creed guy, also known as biting guy (an inside joke from earlier) and sweater girl are talking about if the food delivery guy has extensions.

We got called to dinner, now were finishing Sarah Marshall.

Biter dude told hair guy “nice hair”.

Oh my god, when peter sings about how much he hates himself, biter and white shirt turned to me and said dang sounds like he’s going to be in the room next o me! way to be self aware guys!

Just called my dad to find out about my stuff getting dropped off but turns out he did 2 hours ago and its all been in my room.

I started crying immediately b/c Taylor is amazing- she brought me the perfect books. It was like she was talking to me through the books.

She gave me b Franks autobiography and Jesse Donaldson’s ‘on homesickness’. And the book Amanda gave me. also wuthering heights and pastures of heaven. All so perfect.

Shirts is roasting the shit out of double lasagna (he ate… double the lasagna we all got for dinner).

He keeps saying he looks like he’s about to give birth

“I mean were already in the hospital we just gotta figure out what floor is maternity”

Wuthering Heights

1801- Mr. Lockwood +Heathcliff

Thrushcross Grange

Double lasagna is talking about the last time he had tequila- brother the last time I drank it I ended up here.

What an anecdote.

“they could have stolen my jewelry or even my virginity!” – about the guys who helped when he got too drunk. Double lasagna’s real name is * but he just introduced himself as Dorothy (to hair the night nurse helper).

Fake Abby (biting guy came to my room thinking I was her) is here and shirt just said “you’re awfully quiet” and she rejected him hard. It was awk.

One of the helpers is just chillin in here w/ us while I read my shitty book and we watch “just go w/ it” – its so bad.

One of the nurses (pony tail) just made me go on a walk down the hall w/ him. They all keep asking me how I’m feeling and I keep saying fine but I’m not. As long as I don’t talk I don’t cry. I’m starting to think I want to stay here longer but also leave right away. Its all so confusing.

Double lasagna just asked hair nurse if he could have his phone out of his bag and the way just looked up from his phone and said “nuh uh” was iconic.

Its 805 pm and I think I’m going see about getting my sleeping pills so I can just crash.

I need to document stuff better tomorrow b/c I don’t like how much of a blur today is.

I finally showered and I feel better I think. I just don’t know what the move is once I get out. Like I don't know how to talk to anyone.

I need Taylor to contact Morgan I think.

I’m sure she’s confused. Or maybe she doesn't care literally at all. Who cares. I’ve been surprised at how easily I’ve been sleeping today especially without my phone and with everything on my mind.

I need a talk therapist like yesterday.

I can’t bring myself to get through any of the books Taylor brought. The 19 book in such trash but it’s easy to read.

The shower needs to be pressed every 45 seconds to say on. I wore shower shoes.

Fake Abby doesn’t know what the move is, I can tell.

I called Taylor + my mom then got snack in my night meds. I mom told me to call back to talk to Mack so I just did. She’s lovely.

Double lasagna somehow talked to snack nurse into giving him a full sandwich. I got a strawberry poptart and a coke.

They’re checking in a new girl now who looks a bit like she’s closer to my age.

I’m happy she’s not my roommate.

I think tomorrow ill try to call family/friends less and trust the process. I need to really take a step back.

I’m just happy I feel comfortable sitting in the sun room. I knew a lot more about movies than they did

Goals for tomorrow-

Check out group

Find rec room/sign my name by Mack’s

Document everything

Keep room clean

They still haven’t cleaned Shauna’s side. Its off putting.

Have I mentioned they check on me every 15 minutes?

Its off putting also.

I wish I had just like some mascara or something. I hate to be that girl but damn.

My mom keeps trying to talk about the funny aspects of this but I can’t say I’m feeling them yet. Today just really was such a blur. I sept a lot then talked to therapists then I think went back to sleep? Then begged for lunch then I think slept? That’s where its fuzzy. Called my fam too much, I need to not tomorrow.

I also want to gain control of tv room tomorrow. Power move!!

Did I mention I called Chelsea? My brain is mush.

- Be more present tomorrow-

- Ask more questions-

be warned: new beginnings are rarely pure, and neither are the men who seek them

On Homesickness pg 23

Scott County

We are homesick most for the places we have never {truly} known

37, Franklin County

Questions to Proteus -> how do I get home? 45, Montgomery County

Tuesday

7:10 am

slept super hard but also had super vivid dreams. Mack and I talked about that last night.

She said she had never brought it up. I was a little restless, prob just bc they were constantly opening my door and eventually just stopped closing it.

I’m just trying to let go of control. I don’t want my phone back. I need to talk to someone about the insane anxiety I feel when I think about home back to the real world.

Even just being in my apartment scares me b/c it feels like its full of negative energy. I need to focus on the good when I get out.

I keep thinking about my phone bill and I can’t remember if I paid for internet. Also the maintenance light is still on in my car.

Even though mom and dad are coming today I need to be communicating less w/ outside world. If I really want to be off the grid I need to really b alone with me thoughts and be okay with it.

I kept feeling for my phone throughout the night.

I wonder what the nurses think of me. do I seem different than everyone else?

I keep finding myself trying to relate to the nurses, esp. the young male one (hair) but what am I trying to prove? That I’m not like everyone here?

Newsflash, asshole, I am

(I’m the asshole)

I need a sharper pencil- do you think a lobotomy joke will be appropriate when I request one orr?

I wonder if Prather has texted me. I’m supposed to sub on the 21st.

Yikes

Not looking forward to checking my bank account. I really spent a lot w/out giving a shit. It was freeing but I also haven’t worked in over a week + a half soooooo.

On homesickness is so dramatic but I love it. Makes me think of Taylor. (bc home, not the drama)

Also I think I’m getting fucking sick. Or, according to Lula (Flula) in 19, I’m getting hospital cooties.

7:27 am

I’m in TV room w/ singer. I asked what we’re watching and she said “some kind of cartoon”. She’s not screaming which is awesome. I’m going to read Wuthering Heights.

Almost 8

Called dad and asked him to bring me a pair of readers since my eyes hurt. Nice nurse #2 is here again. She’s blonde. I haven’t seen Maria again. Met another nurse too. She was young. Also there’s a fake nurse (fake nurses are in teal, like hair, and he real ones are in blue) who I def. know. Cant figure out from where, maybe high school? Either way, not cool with it. Also, they sharpened my pencil.

TIME TBD

Having a hard time focusing on reading. My eyes hut.

I don’t like waiting around.

Is it petty to point out inconsistencies in the rules? There’s different info on different sheets in the packet they gave us. Makes me wonder how closely these patients are reading it. Its all petty though, like whether or not we should take 5 or 10 minutes to use the phone or how many visitors we can have at a time.

I know myself too well, ill be bringing it up. I’m going to check on breakfast.

8:30ish

breakfast was sub par. Sat alone. New girl, sat w/ double lasagna. She only wanted milk so homeboy asked if he could eat hers! Has he learned nothing?? I ate pretty quick; I think I need to go back to sleep. I feel weird.

Time-?

Dr.?? (nice psychiatrist) came in and we talked. Started fine but I got really upset b/c of how much I feel like garbage and I don’t now if I want to be here. But also I don’t want to go back to the real world. She left and I went to go get a visteral 25 mg b/c I’m so upset. They gave it to me and when I got back to my room I 100% had a panic attack.

I felt like I was a kid again. Maybe its b/c I’m here but I’ve never been sure that what it was until now. They happened a lot as a kid and usually ended in my mom holding me and saying everything’s ok. Its so hard not having that now. I left my room and the med student from Sunday was in the hall and he came and talked to me until I calmed down.

With talking to them I finally feel like I’ve been able to verbalize how anxious I feel here along with how I feel about leaving. I just need to rest my eyes for right now, but when I’m up I need to write down what Dr. B said about when I get out.

I miss my parents.

Time unknown

Honestly can’t remember what happened next.

Social worker came in, she’s lovely. Talked a bit then I kept resting.

She gave me some info on how to stay grounded during a panic attack.

Then I think I went to the rec room to do a puzzle but then religion group started. I stuck around but then little dr came to get me and asked if I would meet with big table of doctors even though I hate it.

I did it but it made me upset again. They said they would come talk to me but they haven’t.

I fell asleep again then not Maria nurse came to tell me they’re gonna give me more adavan once my visteral wears off. Fell back asleep then got a drink/ate lunch.

My puzzle got hijacked so I brought a new one into my room. I hit a wall so I stopped to write all this down and go find out what they talked about it my meeting.

I think its around 1 pm.

2pm

Sat and watched how I met your mother for a little. Started crying. Asked a nurse when I was gonna get talked to when little doc came up. they gave me an adavan and now I’m waiting for him to come talk to me. the maid is making up Shauna’s old bed while I sit and cry. Very awk.

I don’t know why I keep crying. I just feel like I’m going to keep having these attacks. I feel so hopeless.

Still sitting here crying. Still no doctor.

My name is Abigail and I am safe. I am in the present and I am safe.

~505

lil doc came to talk to me and I got upset. I don’t understand what my next move is.

Just slept pretty hard until now then got dinner. Going back to sleep is very tempting.

I think I’m allowed another pill. What’s the point?

6:50 pm

I honestly don’t know what I’ve been doing since after dinner. I’ve been doing the puzzle in the TV room. I’ve been watching the office. I asked nice nurse if I could have another pill but she’s pretty sure she cane until its time for bed. My anxiety is pretty high right now my parents will be here in like an hour.

7 pm

officially been hoarding pencils. They say I can have an atavan at 10 pm for bed, but they gave me a V. im wondering if that’s going to help me sleep. They’re going to put me on abilify on top of my startera. I’m hoping they’ll give me some of this visteril to take home in case I start to freak.

Decided that in order to help me not get stressed I want someone to take my phone and ask me one by one about who texted/called/emailed and help me deal with it. Same w/ my bank statement.

I want to say I feel better, but I don’t know. Its just all a blur.

I want to see m parents so I can find out what the move is when I get out. Maybe a meeting with Andrea and social working and one of them would be cool.

I don’t want to get out after Taylor leaves. Fuck.

Double lasagna and biter left.

* is still here, and fake Abby is MIA.

New girl who I don’t know

New guy Brandon- wears vans

And tad who Mack warned me about. Apparently he called 911 on the nurses from the phones.

Bold move.

Fake Abby and I are friends. I think she’s lonely, I know she wants to be my roommate, but I can’t deal with that.

Now I just kill time until mom gets here.

930 ish?

Mom and dad came and I feel a bit better. Mom and I did our crossword puzzle and dad and I figured out grad school. I also had him assure me I don’t need to worry about $ right now.

I asked for a pen but they said no. but I STOLE ONE FROM MY DAD!!

Honestly its low on ink but just having it feels great.

Just called my mom and said goodnight to Mack. I feel ok. Mostly just shook b/c of how much of a dream this all feels like. But I’m ok. Time to crossword and eat my poptart like the star patient I am. And I’m gonna do it in god damn pen!

Goals for tomorrow-

- track when all meds taken

- get better at checking time

8am

slept like shit. But I think I might go home today?! I’m sick so my head fucking hurts. I dontknow what to think. I just want to sleep in my own bed.

11am

talked to dr. B + some of the team and I think I’ll just stay another night. It was hard for me to think of what I wanted to b/c I just woke up. but she made a good point that if I’m sick and drowsy it could be good to stay since they’ll change the time I get the abilify. I don’t know. Just very tired.

1109

Watching fresh prince. Thought there was gonna be group in here, but so far nothing. Fuck this.

Fake Abby told shirt he looks like Carlton and no shit he kind of does. He deadass did the dance while he was walking out. He thinks side burns were cool. Now singer is singing Elvis songs.

Newer girl is even scarier she’s very touchy. Seems like she doesn’t listen.

singer is standing directly in front of the tv. She threatened to fire the nurse that told her to stop.

Shirt is leaving today.

New girl just came in and snatched the stuff out of singer’s hands and then tried to talk to everyone. Now singer is out for blood. New girl is wild.

1140

going to lay in bed until lunch.

~12

slept a little until lunch. Hamburger and a coke.

I’m def staying another night. Thinking of some ideas for pickup since I need someone to go back to my apt w/ me.

I think that’s the move. And then if its horrible I can try to stay somewhere else. I’m thinking of asking my sisters. Idk. Might call some of them now.

I’m really just waiting to get something for my cough.

215

just slept super hard

even denied taking my cough meds so I could sleep more

I finally got into the rec room and unsurprisingly it was a disappointment.

Couldn’t find macks mark so I left.

Gonna go try to get more crossword

255

just called Chelsea, she said she would try to come over after work/talk to liv about doing the same. I just want to take a real shower.

Crazy Tad just said hi to me.

New girl (maid) is asleep sitting up, we’re watching that 70’s show.

My shirt smells like Keenan.

Also its almost snack!

Hmmmmm 4?

took a shower after smashing a poptart. The sheets they gave me to use as a bathmat smells like actual piss and shit- maybe I shouldn’t have wrapped myself in it.

A little before 5

Slept again. Got woken up for dinner. It was ok. God I’m so fucking tired.

I’m glad I’m writing everything down b/c its all such a blur.

Cant remember if I already wrong down that I talked to chels. I want help meal prepping and doing some laundry. Also someone to sleep over. I want my own bed, but I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want my phone. I don’t know what good anyone can do me right now until my meds get figured out. I don’t know!!

I met my new nurse, DD, who said I’m taking my abilify in an hour. Then I want my sleeping pills so I can konk out, ugh.

Time to lay down. Again.

I think I fell asleep again?

Went to get my abilify around 615. Panic attack happened again.

I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to be here anymore w/out talking to someone about all my regrets.

I think more than anything I’m really disappointed with how this whole thing is going down.

Just want to stop crying.

830 pm

calmed down. Kind of okay w/ leaving but also so anxious.

844

Singer has 12 different personalities.

About to go ask for my meds/follow up on what’s up w/ the nurse’s research

9ish

Ate a poptart. Nurse was doing meds so she hasn’t looked into anything. Took 2 hydroxizines (50 mg) + a 3 mg melatonin. Called dad, still not a grad student. Very frustrating. Everything sucks but its ok bc I am Abigail Nash and I am safe in the present. I am not in the past. The present. And there are people that love me.

Thursday

- if… because then

- one day at a time

9 am?

Had breakfast, found out I’m going home today.

Called mom + dad, and mom is gonna pick me up around 5

2 more free meals!

Getting a therapist is going to take a minute but I feel ok about it

Nurse Nadine is so sweet.

These people are getting the wildest thank you cards later.

930

I’m going to get a watch

I don’t like not always knowing the time

That fucking short haired nurse came in again and gave me shit for being in my room

Don’t know her name

But I don’t want to

I’m getting out here short haired lady! And I’m pulling out to win!

I’m getting sleepy, fuck

I have like 8 hours to kill

Soooo

Suddenly now that I know I’m getting out I feel like some kind of bubble has been burst and I feel semi normal

Am I really the Angelina Jolie of this place? Not actually Angelina, but her character from Girl Interrupted?

She’s hot in that too, though.

Final thoughts for now- RIP Brittany Murphy.

925

group- only going because nurse Nadine is leading it.

Tad gave a very sweet little speech about his dad

Grabby girl wouldn’t share, she it nuts

But now miss congeniality is on!!

1055

cute rec therapist let me into the rec room. I wrote

SCABZ

In big letters on the table, and made a picture frame. Also played ping pong with grabby. I’m not even going to go into how that went.

Update: grabby thinks I’m her mom

My best gift:

The gift of travel. Travel in the sense of moving, traveling to see a friend, or a friend traveling to see me. travel has allowed me to maintain friendships w/ people I usually wouldn’t. Another gift coming from travel is my best friend, Taylor who traveled to another state for school, where I met her. And the gift of going to visit my best friend in France a few years ago who I’ve known since I was 9.

~~~~ when the party is at it’s best, it’s time to leave the party ~~~~

- Tad’s ex-father-in-law

almost noon

Tad (ok turns out its not the Tad Mack was talking about) said some really good stuff in group and when he was talking about finding balance I said, “like the yin for your yang?” and he did not know what I was really talking about but it fit into the convo really well. So I started to draw him one and when it was over I gave it to him and he was really touched. I feel really good about it. It sucks I’m just now getting to go to group but I think my meds might be working b/c I haven’t gone back to sleep yet.

Also, they said I could keep 19!

I need to get some books together to donate. And some puzzles.

After lunch

Pulled pork. Singer change the channel on TV to cartoons. I see a nap in my future. Also brushing my teeth.

There’s a new kid, he’s gotta be newly 18 b/c he looks young.

Tried playing monopoly w/ Tad, maid, and new guy, but it devolved.

Thought he was cute but he might be nuts (shocker)

I said he was welcome to my books and he looks a mans search for meaning and I’m about to leave so I don’t think im getting it back.

Amanda wrote a nice note in it. That sucks. I gotta stop being so nice.

I asked them to give me a visterile and they did. I should be ready to rock when mom gets here.

430

did more painting- made a weird sign for door knobs. No sign of homeboy + my book. I kind of don’t want to leave, but I refuse to let myself have fomo in a place like this. Idk what the move is for my book. He better be reading it. I don’t want to leave before dinner so he can at least have a chance to say something to me about it.

Tad is really fun to hang out w/. he is really nice. We talked about grounding during panic attacks and he invited me to play monopoly and we talked about how it sucks that we all just started talking to each other but that’s also prob just a sign that the meds are working.

I saw he put my yin yang in the front of his journal. Very sweet.

This isn’t to say he isn’t totally nuts. Also, young guy said my voice reminded me of “stuff” what the fuck.

Grabber called me mom and tried to give me her hand.

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xurkitips · 7 years ago

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On Writing Child Characters

So someone in a Discord chat I’m in asked for some advice on how they could get more in character when writing a young child.

A lot of media tends to depict children as either really obnoxious, or basically just small, slightly less mature adults, and neither is really completely right. While there’s really no specifically right way to write a child character, I have some things I always keep in mind whenever I sprinkle children in my own written works that I feel may be helpful to other people.

How did they grown up?

Just like with any character, considering their home life, family, and friends will tell you a lot about how they may act and where their behavior comes from. A child from a loving/open home that nurtures their personality and allows them to grow will probably be more outgoing. A child raised by strict, cold, or even abusive parents may opt for being quieter, shy, more dependent on their parents. The behavior of the parents or guardian will definitely reflect in the child’s personality, as children look to their parents as role models.

Did they have a lot of childhood playmates? Pets? Or did they have to resort to things like movies/TV and books to make up for feeling alone or for having few friends? Friends or pets from childhood may bring happy memories and further promote their growth, while the lack thereof might promote a more distant or lonely personality, or even a child who is obnoxious in an attempt to draw attention to themself.

What makes them happy?

Legit, every single kid has Their Thing, no matter how old they are. They are ALWAYS happy to talk about it, play pretend with it, draw, write, etc. Some kids are more shy about showing it if they've been dismissed by a friend or family member, but others are open with it to the point where everyone knows it.

I personally have a cousin, who's twelve, and she talks on and on about Minecraft. She’s a budding artist who draws pictures of the game's animals/characters, often adding her own personal touches to them. My other cousin originally loved angry birds, but has now he's moved onto the Detroit Lions. He collects merchandise, catches every game, and knows every scrap of sports terminology to the point where when he talks about it, it sounds like another language.

What do they dislike?

Everyone has something they seriously cannot stand, whether it's a fear or just "Ew, Brussels sprouts!" While an adult would say, "I don't like that," kids tend to be more expressive and vocal about their distastes. Depending on the kid’s personality, they'll react differently and it’s something I think it's important to consider.

One might stomp or yell or scream and run away, another will be polite about it or very matter-of-fact in how much they don’t like it. Others may brag about how terrible or gross something is, or hide the thing they hate.

Please Don't Do The "What's Sex?" Joke Thing

I really wish people would stop doing this.

I see this a lot in writing and roleplay, and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. If you’ve never seen it or aren’t sure what I mean, I’m talking the moment where the eight year old walks in on their parents, who are talking about sexual innuendos, and asks what they’re talking about. 99% of younger children genuinely don't care or just think the names of bits are funny ("Haha you said boobies" "Haha butts").

Think back to your own childhood. There's a reason all those adult jokes in movies and TV soared over our heads when we were younger. We didn't understand them nor care and just kept going. We pick up on them heavily as adults, as we’re more familiar with them and more, but we simply don’t focus on them in our younger years since we ignore the confusing line for what we found funny. It's adult stuff and boring and what we like/want to do matters more than that.

What makes them laugh?

If anyone else has been around kids extensively, you’ve probably noticed that they bond so easily to you if you do things that they find funny (or exciting, fun, or cool. It's not difficult to make friends with kids if you respect them, but I digress).

A lot of simple, quick-witted or blunt jokes from come off as absolutely hysterical, and will stick like glue. Some things I personally found exceptionally funny were slapstick, silly things you wouldn’t expect to happen in the situation, and toilet jokes (because haha poop).

It's pretty easy to make kids laugh, all in all. They might recite a joke they found funny to many, many other people because it makes them laugh so much. They may try to surf off the hilarity of the joke and make a similar, but ultimately failure copy as the process of why it’s funny is often lost. Kids tend to be not very good at making their own jokes from scratch, or at least they aren’t often funny in the way they meant them to be.

(That said I want this one to hang immortalized on my wall.)

If a child has been abused or treated badly, they may not recognize it as such

There's a surprising amount of people (myself included, unfortunately) who only just realized as they became adults that how they grew up was not normal, and that how their caretaker or friend or family member treated them wasn't okay.

Children growing up typically look to their parents for guidance on how the world works. Normally this is fine. But when you were born and raised in a more hostile environment, you straight up don't realize that your situation is not the way other kids live. You normalize it because, well, you don't know better by no fault of your own.

It feels like a pretty common thing on the Tumbles to see abused children in roleplay or writing immediately going, "My parent is abusive and I hate them," and perhaps in some cases that happens. But it seems to be more common for children to be willing to forgive their family because they're family. As they age it might become vastly different as they process what's happened to them.

However, the younger they are, the higher the likelihood that they don't want to leave the people they grew up with. It's a familiar environment and they love their family despite everything. That, and new people, places, and things can be scary to a younger child.

How do they express themself and their passion?

Looping back to likes and dislikes again:

Kids are often way, WAY more expressive than any adult. Usually because they've been allowed to roam free with their imaginations and their freedom of expression. They love a wide variety of things, but they express them in often more vibrant ways.

For example, when asked why they like dragons, an adult might respond, "They're elegant, scary, metaphorical, the designs are beautiful, etc."

A kid who loves dragons might pretend to be one, making sound effects while they stomp around flapping their arms. When asked why they like dragons, they might say, "They blow fire and they eat people and they're green and this one time i was watching The Hobbit and Smaug was like--"

A high energy kid may love sports or running, might be a bed jumper or love to play pretend. A quiet kid may love reading or writing and be great at reciting facts about what they read.

(Kids seem to love reciting facts in general, honestly. It’s fun to show off knowledge.)

One who likes bugs or frogs might collect them in containers to play with, or gross out their friends with a surprise frog in their hands because they think it's hilarious. One who loves singing may be into musicals/plays and performing arts, and may straight up sing or hum whenever they please.

Kids are so morbid

Listen, I know everyone loves to be like, "Kids are so pure and must be protected," but when I was growing up there were at least three different Barney murder songs (among other horrible rhymes and tunes) that would cycle through out ears and out our mouths. Haha, Barney is for babies and he gets dead.

Honestly it was hilarious. It’s still hilarious.

My guess is that kids are curious about things we think of as "unsavory" topics; death, violence, gross-out stuff, war, predatory animals hunting down their prey, natural disasters, all that good stuff.

Adults often try to not bring up these particular topics, whether because it’s sensitive, heavy, or they don’t know how to answer it. Which...only makes the taste of forbidden knowledge that much sweeter. You're not supposed to talk about it, so of course they're all gonna talk about it when the adults aren't watching.

Late night Llamas With Hats. Haha, he got stabbed 37 times in the chest.

Kids are spontaneous and goofy

One of the things about "lol randoom XD tacos" humor that draws in the younger crowd is that you don't expect what's coming next. The protagonist shouldn’t be stepping on ducks. The situation doesn’t call for a musical number, but there it is.

It's always good to consider how playful and silly your child character is, especially if they're on the younger side, since that tends to be when most kids are filled with that boundless energy to do things. They’re are louder than they intend to be, love games and play pretend (which I mention a lot but I've never met a kid who didn't love pretending to be giant monsters or superheroes. My cousins loved Horrible Water Zombies: The Revenge).

Me personally, I used to keep notebooks and draw really weird things. When I was thirteen I had a character whose favorite pastimes were, and I quote, “smashing watermelons on the mayor’s house and falling off cliffs.”

One of my cousins will literally walk up to me and say the most off the wall things. On one occasion, he just walked up, looked at me, then squatted while making some weird mumbling noise. When I asked him what he was doing, he told me, "Bulgarian Spit-Squats," and did that for like twenty minutes straight.

Acceptance and learning with kids

I think a lot of people write children off as "dumb kids" but they will take a surprising amount in their stride and learn ridiculously quick.

True, children can also be cruel if they don't know any different. Like all people can succumb to mob mentality, not know to pull their punches, or know what words or actions have serious consequences. Most kids politely told right from wrong or talked to with respect instead of being just yelled at do change their behavior. Often quicker and easier than adults do.

When spoken to calmly and patiently and a good explanation of disability, disfigurement, why someone looks or acts the way they do, or why they have this tool or that tool to get around, kids will just accept it for what it is. And after learning about it, they might even start fact parroting, telling others what they've learned or telling them off when an adult says something bad.

"No, Mom. It's because they have [disability] and that's why they [thing]."

I've heard lots of stories of kids doing this when told someone is gay or trans too, where they're quick to tell off adults who get nasty with those topics or correct them on someone's pronouns. Society has yet to imprint on them that these things are bad.

What do they want to be when they grow up?

Lots of kids are excited to grow up and do the cool job they really really like. Doctor and policeman and firefighter seem to be the "common" responses since those are obligatory "helps people" and "exciting hero".

But a child with a passion for something specific may be like, "I wanna be a marine biologist," "I want to be a painter," "I want to be like the guy on TV who talks about wildlife." It's also not uncommon to hear about a really specific or little known job that they've spent hours reading about. Oftentimes when sharing this info with adults they share it proudly and with enthusiasm, because at that point kids don't realize the misery of jobs they can't wait to walk in the footsteps of their heroes who are doing these cool things.

There's also the kids who answer that with, "I'm gonna be a dinosaur," which sounds like a joke to us, but most of them truly believe if they work harder at pretending to be a dinosaur, they can achieve that. Later on those kids end up discouraged by learning that’s not possible.

(I’m still disappointed.)

#writing advice #writing #milo's writing advice #hi guys

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b-bing · 7 years ago

Note

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻Now say the fuck as much as you want now lol 😂

You Bet Your Ass I’m going to say exactly 72 things about myself. Yes, I counted. Although I’m bad at math so I might be wrong.

Just a bunch of bullshit under the cut I guess? (I don't have 72 stories to conjure up lmao)

1. I get angry when people make me do things when I could be taking a nap2. Apparently I'm scary when this happens3. Y'know when Jyushi does those noodle arms? I can Do That4. That's part of the reason why I got the nickname "Noodles" in elementary school5. But do not be fooled, these long skinny arms can do 100 push-ups6. The simple ones at the knee, not the feet7. Speaking of athletic stuff, I was known for being pretty good at basketball in high school8. Probably because for the three years prior to high school my dad and I would shoot hoops for about an hour every day9. Well, he would shoot hoops for an hour. I would shoot for 30 minutes. Dude had stamina10. He even taught me trick shots! At one point I got to be pretty good at shooting while spinning mid-jump11. Despite this, I've only ever played one actual game of basketball in my life12. It wasn't even a real game, it was like a fundraiser-type deal where the seniors had to do audience requests while we were playing13. At least it was better than what the seniors my sophomore year did. Donkey basketball. Poop Everywhere.14. One year my dad participated in the school's alumni basketball game15. I don't think the other guys on his team took him seriously because he was way older than the rest of them16. He sure showed them B)17. Because of this, my history teacher told me he was scared of my dad. "Did you see your dad's calves during that basketball game?! They were huge!"18. Anyway, I'm talking way too much about my dad and basketball (but to be fair, they are both very good)19. Even though I used to like reading a lot as a kid, I pretty much dislike it now20. I always find myself re-reading sentences over and over again21. Barely even reading a chapter makes me sleepy22. And sometimes it can be just so... boring.23. I don't even read that much fanfiction, so chances are if I read someone's stuff, I Really Really Like It24. However, the Artemis Fowl series is the greatest piece of literature literally ever and is always worth a re-read, my dislike of reading be damned25. The first fandom I drew anything for was InvaderZIM26. But the first fandom I actively participated in was The Lorax fandom... Or I guess, the Onceler fandom.27. It was also my first tumblr fandom, so all that stuff is still on this blog28. Deep, deep, deep on this blog29. At that point in time my URL was turtlescience--because I like turtles a lot!30. I have approximately 2 shrines in my room made out of stuffed turtles and turtle statues that friends and family have bought for me over the years31. And keep buying for me32. Seriously, I don't need any more, how do I tell them to stop33. I always bring my stuffed turtle named Tortellino wherever I'm going to sleep, though34. He's the perfect size and shape for hugging! I wish I could have him with me all the time35. Before Tortellino, I had a smaller turtle named Teewee, short for Turtly-Wurtly36. Not as great a hugger, but it had more sentimental value because I stole it got it from my mom (she didn't even realize that it used to be hers)37. Sometimes I wish I could just, like. Buy a bunch of toys from the toy aisle38. Oh shit, wait39. Where the FUCK did I put my nerf sword??40. Shit.41. I also have a huge box full of nerf guns somewhere at home42. I got all of them at Goodwill on my birthday a few years ago43. I need to find those too, shit44. I think my dad actually gave one of the biggest ones to one of my second cousins like Right In Front Of My Eyes45. That's kind of fucked up, right? Like, sure, I haven't played with them in like 3 years, but I didn't say I was done with them46. Although if I said anything about it, I would have looked like a spoiled child, and that's probably bad47. On the topic of toys, the basement of my parents' house is absolutely filled to the brim with toy cars48. My dad is a collector and used to sell them on summer weekends49. When I was little, I was forced to go with him and my mom to toy shows and car shows50. It was Boring. And. Hot. As. Hell.51. My sister used to go with us too but then grew old enough to stay home by herself52. But apparently not old enough to take care of me. Hecker.53. Real talk tho? My sister is the baes knaes54. You know the hijab emoji? She made the initial design for the pitch for that, and she ended up in a lot of news articles!! So cool!!55. Making emojis is part of her job kinda, so she made quite a few of the designs you see on your phone56. And she also makes book covers for short stories! She even got an award for one of them57. She's pretty much the reason that I changed my second major from Film to Graphic Design. She Opened My Eyes58. And THANK GOD I changed my major from Film. I've only taken one class and it is literally the most stressful thing ever59. I only thought I could do Film because I took a video editing class once and it was really fun matching the video to the music60. Coming up with an idea to execute is STRESSFUL, finding actors is STRESSFUL, and using the camera is STRESSFUL61. Actually in that video editing class, I did end up breaking the only camera we had, so I guess that was kind of foreshadowing in hindsight62. Back to my sister, she's actually my best friend and also the yin to my yang63. She's the tsukkomi and I'm the boke. Together we are the perfect comedy duo64. However, despite being on the same wavelength a majority of the time and also both of us being artists/writers, for some reason we can never collaborate on anything65. We've come up with a lot of really cool story ideas, but for some reason we never execute them66. We can't even collaborate on one picture lmao67. Wanna hear one of the best ideas we've had? Four words. Murder Mystery Dating Sim. Shit, dude.68. I'm a little worried about people stealing our idea, but I doubt anyone would read this far so I think it's fine69. (Hehe) My sister also introduced me to our Hella Rad Buddy, Chavez. Probably the most bullied person on the planet. A true Karamatsu.70. Before I even met Chavez, my sister would tell me stories about her and talk about how we're so similar71. And yeah, we're pretty much the same person, the only difference being that she is like, SUPER thirsty for Will Graham72. Anyway, she brings an element to our group (not sure what. victim?) that makes us the perfect comedy trio known as Reservematsu The Stankhouse, and we’re gonna take the world by storm

#thank you for letting me talk about myself #i really like doing that a lot but it's probably annoying lmao #buttlerinasks #Anonymous

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mitchrusso1-blog · 7 years ago

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Know The Core Of Your Business, Preventing Brand Slaughter with David Corbin

Every business owner should have their own thinking chair to envision themselves solving the problems of their companies. The best way to do this is to practically take an inventory of what your business needs in terms of core job functions and preventing brand slaughter that could have you running all over the place. Problems will happen along the way so setting goals will help to keep things in perspective. Be real in rating yourself on where you stand with those goals so that you can create a plan, build your confidence and begin to spiral up. Learn more of the positive power of negative thinking with David Corbin, the Robin Williams of business consultancy.

Know The Core Of Your Business, Preventing Brand Slaughter with David Corbin

My guest is a business expert who’s been referred to as the Robin Williams with an MBA because of his very practical high-content speeches coupled with entertaining, silly, and side-splitting stories that he’s famous for. A former psychotherapist with a background in healthcare, he served his management and leadership consulting to businesses and organizations of all sizes from Fortune 20 companies to businesses with less than $1 million in revenue, and enjoys the challenges of all. He worked directly with the presidents of companies like AT&T, Hallmark, Sprint as well as the Honorary Secretary of Veterans Administration and others. David Corbin, welcome to the show.

Thank you.

David, it’s such a pleasure to chat with you. I actually had no idea who you were until we met up just a few weeks ago. I was so impressed with the way you spoke at the event that we had attended. More importantly, I think what impressed me was what you brought to the table. You brought your brilliance and your intelligence. You brought your heart to the table, and that for me was a very big deal. I loved seeing that. What we do on the show, David, is we start at the beginning. What I want to do is I want to go back to the beginning of your career. We want to mine the wisdom that you uncovered, probably very hard-won wisdom about how you made it to the next level and then the next. Could we start there?

It usually is hard-won wisdom. If we call wisdom calling from our experiences that which works in the direction of that which we want, maybe we could define wisdom that way. I’m not sure. That’s just coming off seat-of-the-pants. My first venture was extremely successful and it’s because I saw a need and filled it. I was about seven years old going to softball games and Little League games and saw that people wanted sodas and that wasn’t readily available, or they didn’t want to leave where they were and go up to the shack, or they didn’t want to pay the price. My garbage pail filled with ice and sodas was a very successful business. Then I parlayed that fortune into shoveling sidewalks in the winter and mowing lawns in the summer. If Inc. Magazine and Fast Company magazine were around then, there would have been a front-page article on me because I was probably making $6 or $7 a week.

We have similar backgrounds because I started literally doing the same thing you did, which was shoveling snow and then washing cars and then selling Christmas cards door to door. Although living in a Jewish neighborhood that was very hard but I didn’t know that. Then I took a job selling ice cream on the beach until I realized that the boxes were so heavy and all the ice cream melted. That didn’t work out for me either.

When you find a legitimate need and a reasonable solution, you can’t lose.

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The truth is we learn. There’s a guy named Walton and he started a little company called Walmart. He learned the hard way too. When he opened up his stores, he would always have free little pony rides and always had these watermelons. He opened his stores very often in the summertime. He learned the hard way that in the summertime, watermelons explode and ponies poop. Between the ponies pooping and the watermelon exploding, Sam Walton learned his lessons. The reason I say that my early ventures were really the launch pad for my success is that I realized then, and it hasn’t changed now, that when you find a legitimate need and a reasonable solution, you can’t lose. From sodas to people not wanting to have to go out and shovel the snow or, in your case, wash the cars or in my case, mow the lawns, you can do well. My latest business model or inventions or co-ventures and investments always look for the same simple, stupid thing. I wish I could have something more profound for you because I believe when you find the need and solve for it, all the rest is commentary in business. When I say commentary, there’s a lot of hard work. When I work with clients in the areas of strategic planning, envisioning and then work all the way down through marketing, languaging, sales, organization development, conflict resolution, negotiating, those are a lot of cool things but really find the need and fill it.

I have a feeling that that’s the theme of your entire career. Let’s follow that career. Clearly, you grew up and you went to school and after school you took a job, I would assume. What happened? Where was the transition from taking a job to starting a company?

When I was a kid, I had a couple of jobs here and there. I pretty much had one job after college and that was it. Then I’ve been an entrepreneur ever since. I’m as they say functionally un-hireable, psychologically ill-equipped to work for someone else. I really haven’t had a whole bunch of jobs. Of course no matter what you’re doing, you’re always serving someone else whether it’s an employer or a client. I haven’t really been shackled to a cubicle. I can’t really talk to that except for what I’ve observed.

What about the first business venture that you’ve either began or joined as a partner or as an owner or as a co-owner?

Because the job I had, we were the largest advertisers in Southern California spending more money than anyone with radio, television, double truck on in the newspaper every day, I learned a bit about marketing and this and that. We got pregnant in 1979. That lifestyle which was the wild and crazy days with cocaine and cigarettes and alcohol, I knew I needed to leave all that if I was going to be a serious dad, and I was. I left that. I started a consulting firm in marketing because I was known. I had long hair and a long beard and I put out the shingles so to speak and I did the marketing. I knew that was a conventional thing. I knew they needed marketing. I knew about marketing, outside-the-box stuff, and that was groovy. Shortly after that, I knew I wanted to create a business, not just a service, something I could build and sell. I found a need and I filled it. The need was outstanding. I knew and found that the government and the military, in particular, was the largest procurer of goods and services on this planet, the US government. I knew that they had money set aside for small, women, minority-owned businesses. I also saw the problem that if you were a small business of any of those categories, how do you knock on the doors to the military and say, “Mitch is the name, O-rings is the game.” How do you do that?

Listeners, you just heard David mention Michael Gerber. We did an amazing interview with Michael Gerber. Listen to that interview. It is packed with gold. David, if the David Corbin right now were to go back to the David Corbin starting that little business, what advice would you give yourself back then from today?

I’d sit myself down and I’d go, “Take inventory of what your business needs. Make a list of what the business needs in terms of core job function. Then get serious and rate yourself on a scale of one to ten on all of those core job functions. Where you’re an eight, nine or ten, pat yourself on the back and say, “Very cool.” Where you’re three, four or five, get serious. Set some goals to be from three to a six. Close those gaps. Feel good about yourself. Feel more confident. Feel more competent. Begin that spiral up, not down into the rabbit’s hole, but that spiral up into confidence, competence and really, really live a big life by learning and growing and developing and making good stuff happen.” That’s what I would say. I’d say, “Sit down. Here’s the deal. Do it. Come back to me. Show me where you closed the gap. Let’s celebrate together and let’s make this happen.” That’s what I would do.

This is true in sports as well. A lot of people who are in professional sports have that same viewpoint, “I just won the Heisman Trophy. It’s time to take my bows and exit stage right while I still have my endorsements.” I totally agree with you about the timing of things. What’s also interesting to me is when you look back on a career and you see it in a linear way instead of the basic and present time when you’re in the middle of it. There’s so much more you could add to the story about what happened and what you went through. Can you add a little bit more to the story of that software company? Did you get a partner? You said your expertise was in marketing and sales, not in software or ophthalmology. Did that expertise come from another person? Tell me how you met that person and how you built that company.

Do you remember The Learning Annex?

Of course.

Doctors don’t want to sell because they’re doctors.

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They had classes all around the country. I was teaching a class at the time. Right about then, I was partners with Brian Tracy. We were business partners for about five years. I was told, “David, you should get out from behind the curtains and instead of running businesses and whatnot, you should speak.” I was like, “I’m not going to do that.” Eventually, I was convinced to do that. I went to Toastmasters and worked my way through a terrible phobia about speaking in front of ten people or twenty people. In fact Brian used to say after I was going to Toastmasters, “When I first met Dave Corbin, he couldn’t lead silent prayer in a phone booth and now he can.” I’m teaching a class for The Learning Annex and apparently, this woman who was going to attend didn’t, so her husband attended in her stead. He was an eye doctor. He rolled in in his wheelchair. He’d never walked in his life. He had polio since a baby. I taught the class and afterwards he had some questions. We hit it off and he shared with me a problem in optometry. He goes, “Patients come in and if they don’t buy glasses from us, we’re in trouble. We can’t earn money on an eye exam. We have to sell frames and lenses and lens enhancements and fashion-forward frames. The problem is that patients come in to see their doctor. They don’t come in to be sold. Doctors don’t want to sell because they’re doctors. It’s a problem.” I went, “What if we were to look at it differently? What if we were to look at solving for problems? What if we were to look at clinical integrity as not allowing a patient to leave with a problem felt and a problem not expressed and solved?” He was like, “Yeah, what if?”

Together we developed some software, which is medical. It was touchscreen and medical history and then lifestyle survey. By the time the doctor saw the patient, the patient had already filled this out. The doctors got a report going, “Mitch, this is great. You indicated you have a problem with glare when you were out fishing or when you were in your kid’s socks, we can solve that with anti-reflective lenses or photochromic lenses.” We solved for problems. I met the guy while teaching a class. We met for lunch a couple of times. Within seven months, we had the software and hardware created and we were in business just like that.

We’ve arrived at that place in our conversation where the Buddha you mentioned earlier starts to really shine through. As you know, nothing ever happens the wrong way. My belief is that everything that happens, happens for a reason. If you feel bad about something that happened, then it just means you haven’t found the reason yet. I could think back of all the terrible things that happened, and we all have those. Somehow after every one of them, there was something wonderful and life-changing in most cases, or there was an opportunity for something wonderful and life-changing that I didn’t take advantage of. Do you feel the same way?

I do. I’ve written nine books. One of them that’s in process right now, I own the title and the trademark on it and it’s called From WTF To OMG (W A Bit Of LOL). So much in life starts out with, “What the Fahrvergnügen is going on here?” Then you realize, “That’s why that happened. I can’t believe I didn’t see that.” We go from WTF to OMG with some LOL. There’s never been a time when your WTF happens that there wasn’t a great, great, great lesson in it. Imagine that when something happens you immediately go, “I’ll bet you there’s a pony somewhere in this pile of poop. There’s got to be. What might, could, should, ought it be?” That’s when you start facing it. When you face it and then follow it, you can fix it or affix it into a ledger of good stuff.

I certainly love what you said, David, and I do that to the best of my abilities every single day. Thank you for making it as simple and as clear as you have. You have nine books and I would love to just sit down and do nothing but read all nine of them. Which of your books would you recommend to my audience that they start with? What maybe are the top three books of all that you’ve written you feel would be best for us to start with?

Whereas we love our children equally, I can tell you that for the entrepreneur, I love the idea of them reading Illuminate, which is in its tenth anniversary. It’s on Amazon. I can’t believe it’s in its tenth year anniversary. It’s the seminal model of face it, follow it and fix it. It’s a lovely story and it’s a 90-minute read. I promise that it’s a game changer. Illuminate is there. I bought the rights back from my publisher, Wiley, so I could make it available in paperback and inexpensive, and it is. Number two would be the book that Forbes Magazine just did a great article on and they were so complimentary, and that’s Preventing BrandSlaughter. It’s a story on how to literally live your brand on a regular basis and making sure that everyone does so you’re in brand integrity and not committing brand slaughter in the first, second or third degree. The third book is RE-SANITY: Truths About Food, Drugs and Healthful Living In An Insane World. Those are the three that I would recommend. They are so important to me that I cared enough to write a book about it. All three of them have transformed my life. I am an illuminator and I’m paid as a Chief Illumination Officer by huge companies to help them to learn how to face, follow and fix issues. I like to believe I live my brand, and I do, in talking about being a healthy entrepreneur, in running my weekly 5K boot camp and eating the right foods and literally whooping this cold. Instead of it being seven days, I think I’ve pretty much got it whooped after two. Re-SANITY is all about eating, thinking, drinking the right stuff to honor spirit and honor our body temple.

I know I’m going to go to Amazon and get those books. Listeners, if you don’t, I have a feeling that you’re going to miss out on quite a lot. David, I have a question for you. Who, in all of space and time, would you like to have one hour to enjoy a walk in the park, a quick lunch or an intense conversation with?

It’s a tough choice for me between Benjamin Franklin and Leonardo da Vinci because I was just in the Senate chambers in Washington, DC and I didn’t see a whole lot of Benjamin Franklin’s principles at work there. I would have to say Leonardo da Vinci. Leonardo was so remarkable in so many different areas, as was Franklin, but I would love to call for more wisdom. I read about him and I’ve learned so much. I would love to learn some of the fine details amongst his ability to visualize, conceptualize and then create. Could you imagine just walking down the lane with da Vinci and saying, “How did you come up with that again? What’s the story behind the story on that?” That would be pretty cool.

I would be standing there right next to you as we walk down the path and I’d say, “Leonardo, can you show us how you do it? Teach us how.” He’d probably say, “No. I don’t know how I do it. It just happens.” That’s his unconscious competence. I don’t think he would be able to teach it. What do you think?

This is a gift that I came into this world with, is I’ve been able to work with individuals and discern their genius and unpack the methodology to their genius. I learn from it that way and I help them to teach others that way. When this woman came to me, some of my people were mentoring her and they said, “David, we can’t move the needle. Would you take her on?” When I did, I come to find out that she went through the killing fields of Pol Pot in war-torn Cambodia. Her methodology from five years old on was SBCIA. With something she was confronted with, I noticed it was SBCIA: Stop, breathe, center yourself, take inventory of your assets and resources available, and then take action. She was like, “That’s what I’ve been doing my whole life.” I think I got these delusions of grandeur that if I was hanging out with Leo da Vinci, that I’d be able to unpack his genius so that he could see it and do it more regularly and he could teach others to do it. How’s that for a weird sense of delusion?

First of all, I’d love to be a fly on the wall when you did that. I just would love to see you do it. Number two, I would even love it more if I could watch you do it with old Leo. That would be amazing.

It’s crazy but it’s something that I do with all my clients. I sometimes kiss the back of my hand going, “That was good,” realizing that, “It’s not me. I’m channeling it. It’s coming through me.” We’re all connected and it’s coming through.

Read the full podcast here:

68: Know The Core Of Your Business, Preventing Brand Slaughter with David Corbin

For more episodes, please go to iTunes and subscribe, rate and review

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genxmusings-blog · 7 years ago

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Barbies, Brisket, and a Benediction

Before my daughter was born, I bought her first Barbie doll to commemorate the year of her birth. I looked at it as the start of an amazing investment and a great mother/daughter bonding project that we could enjoy for years to come and a legacy to pass down to her daughters and well blah, blah, blah, that particular Barbie is worth about 9 bucks now.

Fast forward a few years and about 35 or 45 barbies later and we did amass a sweet little fashionable collection of just the ones we loved—okay I amassed a collection of the ones I loved—she didn’t really care one bit with the exception of the Audrey Hepburn set that, let’s just say, you’d be nuts not to go gaga over. I did have one favorite that through many years of buying and selling, I would never part with and still have to this day:

My Kate Spade Barbie. She represented to me something so clean, so sophisticated, so elegant, and carefree—everything I wished I could emulate. I even had that exact wicker Kate Spade bag before the doll even was released which prompted me to buy her. I must have repaired the wicker on that bag and put it back on life support for at least 9 years not having a clue who Kate Spade was when I first purchased it back in the early 2000’s. Well, sadly, we know that the woman behind the image of this doll was far from carefree.

Her approach to fashion and beautiful things in their simplicity and their linear grace brought me personally a sense of wonder and appreciation for style, workmanship, creativity, flair and the ability to set a trend that allowed women to enjoy a small indulgence in an industry that so often requires an investment that is entirely out-of-reach for most. I love what Mindy Kaling said of her after the news of her death, (Kate) "encouraged women to find the twinkly person inside them. You couldn't walk into her boutiques and not smile." I’m sorry that Kate could not find that within herself. She will be greatly missed.

When I was in-between jobs up in the Toronto area, I walked dogs. For real. Why not? If it only had paid more, I would probably still be doing it today. Each day, I would get my pre-determined route, my set of house keys and security codes (I was screened—no apparent red flags from my past), and my roster for the day. My usual route would often include the trails along the bluffs of Lake Ontario and the groomed trails that would meander off through the woods behind the various subdivisions on the Lakeshore. Other than the occasional rainy day and a few temperamental dog owners who would literally sit and stare at you Devil-Wore-Prada-style as you came in and walked their dogs (no joke), this was actually a very pleasant season of my life. It also was during the fall and Autumn in Ontario along the lakeshore of Oakville is nothing short of glorious.

My mainstay throughout this was listening to audiobooks. Many times, I would extend a walk or two in order to finish a chapter I was listening to because in early iPod days (no Smartphones to do your bidding), it was very hard to bookmark and God forbid you lost your place. One author I would gorge myself on (pun intended) was a caustic, rude, arrogant, wonderful chef named Anthony Bourdain. I had seen him on segments of different cooking shows and caught random appearances as a guest judge or talking head on the fledgling Food Network or some other Bravo late night fare, but I couldn’t get enough of this guy.

His take on the wonders of the Austin barbeque scene and how extraordinary brisket was if you were willing to wait for the very best (which to this day he still stands behind Aaron Franklin’s), made me want to drive to Austin and sample these delights as soon as I finished scooping up Donner and Blitzen’s, the Shih Tzu twins’ poop. Kitchen Confidential was a revelation to me. Secretly I wanted to be that mean, that outspoken, that foul (a little bit secretly sorta), but there was so much more to him. His love of the culture of others and his respect for the purity and sanctity of their roots and heritage, and his devotion to seeing it preserved and passed down without some franchised chain destroying all of its joyfulness and ancestral delights.

To hear that he could not find any of that joyfulness within himself to the point that he felt the need to take his life was absolutely stunning. I would agree with the words of Ted Allen who said, “Tony Bourdain made the world a smarter, better place, and nobody will forget him.”

Why the benediction?

As a believer in Jesus Christ and a follower of the teachings of the Bible, I hold tightly to scripture as God’s Word—as truth—as surely as I know anything else that is true in my life, I stand firm in that belief. I cannot and will not second-guess where people like Kate Spade or Anthony Bourdain placed their faith.

I have known the most pious spiritual evangelical verse-spewers to be some of the most dreadful unpleasant hypocritical toxic people I have ever met. I have also known some pretty questionable characters who have lived on the fringe of what I would call a conservative Christian lifestyle who do little to evoke the costuming of what the Southern Baptist Convention would dress one up to look like if there were a uniform; yet because of their faith in Jesus Christ, their place in heaven is no less valid. I can question and ponder the choices of other’s all day long--but life is too short, time is too precious, and my own mirror is too much in need of a good polishing of its own.

See through a glass darkly (oil on linen)

This is the benediction I wrote as an exit for Sunday morning church services several years ago and these are the words I will leave you with:

God bless you and keep you as we journey from this place.

May Your love encircle every heart and illuminate each face.

Let His loving arms protect you, and His wisdom guide your way.

As we leave this sanctuary now, and we celebrate each day.

May you celebrate each day.

#katespade #anthony bourdain #despair #benediction #hopefulness #suicide #jesus christ #bibletruth #kitchenconfidential #franklinbarbeque #celebrateeachday

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theporgsyourelookingfor · 7 years ago

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Get to know me(me)

So I am bored. I found this post with questions but since i probably won’t get too many asks and i do think some of these are a bit silly i decided to answer ALL OF THEM in my charming yet honest way. for your (and my) entertainment.

I kinda wanna tag people but i don’t know if anyone wants to do this (let alone read all this) BUT if you are as bored as me CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED BY ME!

HERE WE GO

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

CLOSED. not that i actually have many closets here... I only have one walk in closet named Narnia and I am pretty sure a Ghost lives in ther. But a friendly one. It talks with my cats and stalks me while I’m in the shower (I know this because sometimes the air suddenly gets really cold. I just go “oh hi” and move on)

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?

i haven’t done this but that might be because i forget this is a thing. and the bottles in finnish hotels are big? and attached to the wall? idk i don’t do hotels that often

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

in? what does this even mean?

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

I WISH

5: Do you like to use post-it notes?

yes. I use them as bookmarks.

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

nah

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?

a bear. i’d hug it. soft death

8: Do you have freckles?

no?

9: Do you always smile for pictures?

yeah, even if i don’t feel like it

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?

people walking slow in front of me when i’m Busy and Pissed Off. also people who don’t realize how ignorant they are about some things

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

no, i get bored

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?

Yes.

13: What about poop in the woods?

what about it?

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?

Yeah. I also jump around and run everywhere in my tiny apartment.somehow i always end up running into my bookshelves

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?

YES. ALWAYS. SERIOUSLY. I WON’T EVEN NOTICE. PITY THOSE POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS WHO LEND ME PENS.

16: How many people have you slept with this week?

Keep reading for more random questions, stories, music and pictures of cats.

17: What size is your bed?

big enough for me and two cats

18: What is your Song of the week?

youtube

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

oh my supremelord what is this radical thinking?!?!

(yes. someday this won’t even be a question.)

DID YOU KNOW PINK USED TO BE BOYS’ COLOR?

20: Do you still watch cartoons?

hell yeah (if i only had the time)

21: Whats your least favorite movie?

can’t think of one right now #positivity

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

how bing of a treasure are we talking about?

23: If you're a girl, bra size? If you're a guy, pants size?

IF YOU’RE NON-BINARY, WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HAIR? why thank you for asking, it’s blue with a hint of purple and green.

(i’m not saying all enby peeps do or should have Extra Colored hair, this just happens apply to me and this question annoyed me.)

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

stuff.

25: What is your favorite food?

chocolate. yes, it’s a food.

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

The Last Jedi and other Star Wars. Most Disney Classics. Anastasia. Phantom of the opera. Lord of the rings. Peter pan (the 2003 one). And many many more but i don’t remember them rn.

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?

I’ll tell you when that happens

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

no. i wanted to but my mom said i couldn’t handle camping in the woods

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

sure if i’d get good money out of it

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

Christmas cards! and i used to write letters to my old friend but then she started dating and forgot about me. I heard she and Boyfriend have a dog now.

31: Can you change the oil on a car?

don’t have a car, don’t really care.

I do have a motorbike but I know people who do better job with that so i let them handle it

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

not yet

33: Ever ran out of gas?

oh yes. and last summer I had a creepy old man coming to help me assuming i was a girl and didn’t know what the hell was going on

he: ”oh but you have to do THIS!”

me: “yeah, i’ve tried that too.”

he: “no but like THIS THEN!”

me: “i told you this bike doesn’t work that way.”

he: “oh but i have to help a sweet damsel in distress!”

like dude I am literally wearing a binder and men’s jacket can you please stop

and after that he asked me to go riding with him but then all of a sudden he was like

“oh but will you have a scary man in a leather jacket back home who wouldn’t like you going out with me?”

and i was like “...actually, yes.”

like yeah sure let’s pretend i’m a straight little helpless girl with a super jealous boyfriend so you will leave me alone.

(my imaginary boyfriend is called Robert, he moved here 3 years ago from the north where we met and he just got out of jail for helping his brother try to commit murder.)

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?

eggs. just because that’s all i can do.

36: What is your usual bedtime?

37:Are you lazy?

i tell myself i am but i’m not really sure... i do a fuckton of studying and writing

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

when i was a kid we didn’t have halloween here. now we do tho. and i do remember dressing up as a ghost to some school party

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?

Pig?

40: Are you horny?

no, but i have beautiful antlers.

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

no, but this got me wishing for one

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?

43: Are you stubborn?

maybe

44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman?

should i know who these people are?

no, i will not google, moving on

45: Ever watch soap operas?

sometimes.

46: Are you afraid of heights?

if we go high enough

47: Do you sing in the car?

with the right people and right music

48: Do you sing in the shower?

no. my Ghost roommate wouldn't like it.

49: Do you dance in the car?

yeah.

50: Ever used a gun?

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

in high school?

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?

sometimes, but that’s the point

53: Is Christmas stressful?

yes, but i’ve lived on my own for a while now and have carefully avoided all the christmas stress and shit.

54: Ever eat a pierogi?

a what now?

no but now i am extremely hungry.

55: Favorite type of fruit pie?

blueberry. i don’t care if that’s not a fruit it’s the only pie i do.

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

i wanted to be a marine biologist because my last name means “seaweed-y” or “algae-y” and i would have literally been Marine Biologist Dr. Seaweed.

that would still be VERY cool

57: Do you believe in ghosts?

if you have read this far you can probably guess the answer

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

have i had this question before?

59: Take a vitamin daily?

yeah. my dad wants me to

60: Wear slippers?

if i had ones

61: Wear a bath robe?

IF I HAD ONE

I WOULD NEVER TAKE IT OFF

62: What do you wear to bed?

i got two star wars pajamas and i regret nothing

63: First concert?

these guys. they are a legend. i was like 3. best time of my life

youtube

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

65: Nike or Adidas?

do i look like i got money for this shit?

66: Cheetos Or Fritos?

nope

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

both?

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

no.

69: Ever take dance lessons?

i have. my mom took me to ballet when i was like 2 and i stayed there until i was 12 because my grandma would get me a cinnamon roll after every lesson.

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

do i picture a future spouse?

71: Can you curl your tongue?

I CAN. IN MANY WAYS.

72: Ever won a spelling bee?

we don’t have those. or at least i haven’t heard of any

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

yes. last night i had a dream i had a baby and i cried like one.

74: Own any record albums?

yeah

75: Own a record player?

yeah

76: Regularly burn incense?

77: Ever been in love?

on some days I’m in love with myself.

78: Who would you like to see in concert?

Let me introduce you to our lord and savior Antti Tuiksu:

youtube

(this music video is the light of my life)

79:What was the last concert you saw?

don’t remember. i don’t have the money for this kind of luxury

80: Hot tea or cold tea?

(get it, HOTh? ahahahahah.)

81: Tea or coffee?

Hot Chocolate

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?

83: Can you swim well?

yes.

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

yes.

85: Are you patient?

last year i waited for 8 hours in this jewerly shop to get a free tattoo (it was a campaign thing, the brand turned 80 years. the same people who made Leia’s necklace in A New Hope!) and JUST WHEN IT WAS MY TURN THEY RAN OUT OF INK AND NEEDLES so no tattoo for me but it was a weird and funny day.

86: DJ or band, at a wedding?

Porgs shall sing in rey and ben’s wedding.

87: Ever won a contest?

i am sure i have but i do not remember it.

88: Ever have plastic surgery?

i have not

89: Which are better black or green olives?

no olives

90: Can you knit or crochet?

I CAN KNIT!!!

91: Best room for a fireplace?

bathroom

92: Do you want to get married?

i mean yeah if i find the right person for it but i’m not getting my hopes up, it’s not that important for me

93: If married, how long have you been married?

94: Who was your HS crush?

Troy Bolton

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

i don’t need to

96: Do you have kids?

yes, two:

97: Do you want kids?

yes. and you will hear about it.

98: Whats your favorite color?

Black and

99. Do you miss anyone right now

@morsoullakko

AND WE’RE DONE!!! DID SOMEONE ACTUALLY READ ALL THIS??? HI, I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE I DIDN’T WASTE YOUR TIME!

my boredom is cured.

#about me #personal #i think i'm funny #now that you know me uncomfortably well you might as well message me and be my friend #though i already think of all of you as my friends #i ws bored #i did this for 3 hours #there's pictures and videos #funfunfun #not sw

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tvmecaps · 7 years ago

Photo

1. god I can’t believe I’m watching this again 2. WHY ARE THE EPISODES SO LONG 3. IT’S ARIE WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN

4. “how’s everyone feeling today?” “i’m emotionally and physically drained” this is me every morning

5. if i had to go on a group date with krystal i would absolutely find a way to accidentally punch her in the throat 6. i like tia she just runs around making noises 7. the fuck is a glob 8. THE KISSING BANDIT god i hate this man 9. if someone surprised me with a wrestling date i’d kill myself 10. OMG IS ALISON BRIE HERE 11. the fuck it’s not even alison brie 12. oh they’re like the real wrestlers lmao 13. i have no idea what bekah's personality is

14. wrestler lady: “who wants it?” tia: *raises her hand but only like, a little bit*

15. arie was talking and my mom said from across the room “what are you watching it’s putting me to sleep” 16. lauren b is just standing in the corner laughing i’m dying 17. oh my god she’s just… insulted bibiana’s name? 18. WHAT IS HAPPENING

19. wrestler lady: “I could take you down right now!” tia: “i would let you”

20. bekah’s gonna beat the shit out of them 21. the girls are literally crying 22. IMAGINE GOING ON A DATE WHERE THE ENTIRE PREMISE WAS THAT YOU WERE GOING TO GET BULLIED 23. i really wish alison brie was here 24. shut the fuck up bekah go call your mom 25. “has anyone even watched WWE?” literally no 26. i love tia 27. tia winning would be justice for raven 28. BIBIANA IN A DINOSAUR MASK 29. i want chris harrison to beat the shit out of arie 30. i don’t even remember who kenny is

31. bring back peter

32. who is the lunch lady 33. imagine having to pretend to fall in love with arie 34. oh my god what is HAPPENING 35. imagine losing to krystal 36. LMAO KRYSTAL IS LITERALLY BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF THIS GIRL 37. is this… porn 38. i think this is porn 39. aw i love tia and bibiana 40. every time arie speaks i want to fast forward

41. i’m trying to snapchat arie and krystal but i can’t get a clear enough shot of their faces because all they’re doing is kissing really grossly 42. oh my god 43. snapchat makes this show so much better

44. “he’s fucking awesome” yeah ok tia 45. WHY DOES ARIE JUST KISS EVERYONE 46. “i have a feeling i’ll be on that one on one date because he knows i’m a mom” god in all my krystal hatred i forgot how awful chelsea was 47. i cannot tell any of the laurens apart

48. “and i just feel like these girls are living in a false reality” oh my god she’s CLINICAL

49. HAHAHAH HE GAVE IT TO BEKAH 50. SUCK A DICK, KRYSTAL 51. she’s just SMILING THROUGH THE PAIN 52. LIKE THE PSYCHOPATH SHE IS

53. is krystal literally just going around the house talking to the other girls about how strong her connection with arie is…

54. “this is a very Lauren S. date” - lauren S

55. “i like to go to bed early” of course you do arie you’re like 60

56. hulu isn’t working and i feel like this is a message from god 57. ugh no it’s back

58. “i feel like you’re a little bit of a wine connoisseur.” “no i just like drinking wine.” the most relatable arie has ever been

59. SHE’S JUST RAMBLING 60. SHE’S BEEN RAMBLING FOR PROBABLY AN HOUR 61. SHE JUST KEEPS TALKING 62. LAUREN S PLEASE STOP TALKING 63. she’s literally talking so much that arie is actually eating

64. “how is ‘ruff’ spelled?” “r-u-f-f” *everyone SCREAMS*

65. THERE IS A TRAUMATIC SITUATION FOR EVERY EVENT ON THIS SHOW

66. he’s NOT GIVING HER THE ROSE 67. I’M SO UNCOMFORTABLE 68. THIS IS THE WORST THING I’VE EVER SEEN 69. god that was awful 70. ugh i liked her 71. or at least like… i didn’t hate her 72. why is krystal talking about her like she died 73. dear god SHUT!!!!! UP!!!!!!!

74. “stop being so condescending to everybody because you like, met his dog.” CAROLINE FOR PRESIDENT

75. how is it only 9:00 i feel like I’ve been watching this episode for six years 76. tag yourself i’m the blonde bitch jumping up and down when arie even vaguely alludes to a dog 77. when does unReal come back 78. THESE DOGS ARE SO TALENTED 79. my dog can’t even walk without falling down

80. LMAO WAIT IS ANNALIESE 81. IS SHE THE ONE WITH THE BUMPER CAR ISSUES TOO 82. who PUT THESE FLASHBACKS TOGETHER 83. “AND I ALMOST LOST MY EYE,” SHE SAYS AS A CRYING BABY SCREAMS IN SEPIA

84. bibiana signs off from her prayer with “love you bye!!”

85. “we have just a random girl who’s walked up as well” same 86. i would just hold my dog and pet him 87. why is annalise so enthusiastic about poop 88. she’s really owning it though 89. how are there still so many girls left i only know like six of them 90. omg I can’t wait for chelsea to go home 91. her poor child is going to have to watch this someday

92. “dogs are so cute” wow arie is full of gold tonight 93. “i have never had the opportunity for someone to respect me for who i am” ok chelsea 94. i wonder what arie is thinking about at any given time 95. “the last time you said you were in love was five years ago on this show. tell me more about that.” do you really think that’s the best topic of conversation here

96. i wonder if arie is stoned or if he just naturally looks like that

97. omg annalise stop complaining and just go talk to him 98. ten years from now someone’s gonna say the word bachelor and she’s gonna have flashbacks to THIS traumatic moment 99. HE JUST KEEPS KISSING PEOPLE 100. it’s never a good sign when the dude says “so how do you think things are going” 101. he’s so not into her 102. that was painful 103. poor annaliese 104. she deadass got her coat on LMAO

105. HE CAN’T HOLD A CONVERSATION AND JUST SLOWLY MOVES HIS FACE CLOSER TO THE OTHER GIRL THE ENTIRE TIME UNTIL THEY STOP TALKING TO KISS

106. THIS IS THE WORST I HATE HIM!!!!!!

107. “today was really fun. i loved today. today was such a cool day. it was amazing.” - literally a sentence that arie just said

108. maybe he is super stoned 109. how dare they show me a black panther commercial and then make me go back to watching the bachelor 110. who does bekah look like 111. she looks like someone

112. BIBIANA SET THE ENTIRE THING UP AND HE JUST TOOK THIS BLONDE BITCH OUT HERE 113. I’M SCREAMING 114. LMAO WHAT THE FUCK 115. WHO MANIPULATED THIS SITUATION INTO EXISTENCE 116. WHERE IS QUINN KING!!!!! 117. SHE’S GOING TO SEE THEM KISSING BECAUSE WHAT ELSE DOES ARIE DO 118. “he’s with lauren b on my setup” i would literally cry 119. THE DEVIL IS WROKING OT 120. HE’S TAKING EVERY FUCKING GIRL TO IT 121. I’M SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!! 122. THIS MAN IS SUCH TRASH LMAO!!!!!!

123. EVERY SINGLE TIME HE TAKES A NEW GIRL OUT THERE HE’S LIKE LMAO I DON’T KNOW WHO SET THIS UP BUT ISN’T IT NICE? LET’S KISS!!

124. AHH!!!!!!!! 125. annaliese is gonna force him to kiss her

126. he got tia HAY BALES AND MOONSHINE 127. I’M SCREAMING WHAT HTE FUCK IS THIS SHOW 128. SHE’S TALKING AND HE’S JUST 129. SLOWLY MOVING HIS FACE TO HER 130. MOUTH OPEN

131. i hope they checked him for herpes

132. the bitch smiling because annaliese hasn’t kissed him 133. he’s going to send annaliese home right now isn’t he 134. this is so uncomfortable because she’s like BEGGING him to kiss her 135. i’ve never seen arie REFUSE to kiss someone 136. this is awful 137. he said no and i gasped 138. that was literally the most dramatic thing that’s happened this entire season 139. this is so dumb

140. you know annaliese and bibiana are going home because he deadass has sought out EVERY OTHER GIRL TONIGHT to stick his tongue down their throats one last time

141. arie is definitely lowkey racist 142. why does he make jokes that 11 year old boys would make 143. if i never see arie kiss another human it will be too soon 144. aw bye annaliese 145. “bye ladies,” she says, crying 146. WHO SAID SHE’S KIDDING 147. “i don’t know what this man is thinking” but literally everyone watching does 148. god shut up krystal

149. “i feel really confident, but also i don’t have a rose,” she says, BEFORE THE ROSE CEREMONY

150. “i had to make one hard decision” arie you’ve sent two girls home 151. the camera zoomed in on krystal when he saw the word wife dear god 152. OH HER NAME IS KENDALL? I like her 153. why did only one girl walk up when he said lauren 154. there are like at least four laurens left 155. bye bib 156. LMAO WAIT DOES HE EVEN KNOW SHE SET UP THE DAY BED 157. he definitely doesn’t 158. thank god this is over 159. THEY’RE TLAKING ABOUT HER DOG FEARS AGAIN 160. oh my god

#the bachelor #bachelor s22

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theimpalaiscrying · 7 years ago

Text

You’re Not A Winchester Pt. 4

Title: You’re Not A Winchester

Author: theimpalaiscrying

sister!reader x Sam & Dean Winchester

Words: 2, 189

Warnings: Angst, swearing, bit o’ blood, implied depression, siblings (mine triggers me all the time idk ‘bout you).

A/N: Oh poop guys.

When Dean dug his way out of his grave, he was obviously exhausted, but also scared and confused as Hell (haha that pun...I'll go home). If he really was alive again, how was he back? Why was he back?

Actually, he didn't care. All he cared about was finding you and Sam... after he found something to drink, and maybe after he found a bite to eat. Yeah. That sounded right.

Later on, after he'd trudged down the nearest road and had an explosive occurrence (haha I'm sorry I'm feeling punny tonight) at an old gas station, he looted it of anything useful and headed towards the old phone booth across from the building. Cramming himself into it, he used whatever coins he had found in the cashier to try and contact Sam first, then Bobby.

After a few unsuccessful attempts to try to persuade the old fart that he was back and to contact his little brother, he looked down at the last of his change and thought of you. You always kept the same number since you always found it too tedious to remember all your contacts cell numbers.

He smirked, remembering how lazy you could be sometimes. He was excited to see you and Sam again. Inserting the last of his change into the pay phone, he dialled your number, excited to hear your voice again, even if you didn't believe he was back.

His heart sunk when the voice on the other end said your number was no longer in use. That could mean so many things; you could have changed your number, you could have lost your phone, or you could be... no. Dean refused to believe the last thought, though he was still worried. You had had that number since you were twelve, and every time you'd get a new phone, you always asked to have the same number.

With a huff of defeat, he stepped out of the phone booth and strode towards the old car parked outside the destroyed gas station, determination to see the ones he cared about most and protect them from the literal Hell he'd been through giving him extra strength.

~Time skip brought to you by Adam, cuz poor guy~

After he'd had holy water thrown in his face and convinced Bobby that he was back, Dean was quick to ask about his siblings and why their numbers had been disconnected.

"Well, they're still alive. As far as I know." Bobby answered.

"Good... Wait what do you mean, as far as you know?" Dean questioned, his chest filling with dread.

"Well, I haven't talked to either of them in months."

"You're kidding, you let them go out on their own?"

"They were dead set on it."

"Bobby, you should've been looking after them."

"I tried. These last months haven't been exactly easy, you know. For them or me. We had to bury you."

Shaking his head, Dean questioned Bobby again, "Why did you bury me, anyway?"

"I wanted you salted and burned. Usual drill. But... Sam and (Y/N) wouldn't have it." Bobby said.

"Well," Dean chuckled, "I'm glad they won that one."

Bobby continued, "They said you'd need a body when they got you back home somehow. That's about all they said."

Instantly, Dean became suspicious. What had they done to get him back, if it had been them in the first place? "What do you mean?" he asked, brows furrowed.

"Sam was quiet. Real quiet. But (Y/N)? She was a wreck. Sam took off, and she stayed here for a while. Sam wouldn't return my calls. I tried to find him, but he didn't want to be found. After she recovered enough, (Y/N) decided to go out and find him. She called me, sayin' she did but they were still going to take a break from each other for a while. After that, her number went out of service and I wasn't able to find her."

That damn near broke Dean's heart. He wasn't stupid, he knew you went through something after Sam left for Stanford. Sometimes, he would hear you crying silently when it was night and you didn't think he was still awake.

He was never able to approach you though since he was never a man of words. Instead, he was there for you and worked even harder to be a better brother. He wondered if you had to go through all that again when he died.

"Did you believe her?" Dean inquired, cocking his head to the side, "(Y/N) was a good liar. Even I could never tell if she was telling the truth or not. She can be really damn believable when she wants to be."

"I thought about that a few weeks later, and I wouldn't be surprised if she was lying. Though I don't know why she would lie."

After that, they decided to track down Sam, since he was definitely more predictable than you. When the laptop finally started beeping, indicating that it had located Sam, they made for Illinois, where he was supposed to be.

Once they made it to the dingy motel in Pontiac, Illinois, they knocked on the door to room 203, Dean's stomach swirling with anticipation and anxiety. When the door was opened by a young woman, he instantly got excited, thinking it was you. But upon further examination, the excitement on his face was replaced with confusion. This woman wasn't you, not at all.

"So... where is it?" The woman asked, cocking her head to the side. Definitely not you.

Glancing over at Bobby in confusion for a moment, Dean spoke, "Where's what?"

"The pizza... that takes two guys to deliver?" she answered, confused as well.

Feeling slightly crestfallen, Dean said, "I think we've got the wrong room." Dean and Bobby were about to turn away, when Sam appeared behind the woman, further into the room.

"Hey, is..." Sam trailed off when his eyes met Dean's, the eldest Winchester beginning to smile.

"Heya, Sammy." He greeted, his voice thick with emotion.

After Sam tried to kill Dean and the hot young woman had left, Sam was sat down and Dean looked down at him suspiciously. "So what'd it cost? And where's (Y/N)?"

"The girl? You know I don't pay, Dean." Sam joked, avoiding the question about you. Dean noticed this and narrowed his eyes more at his little brother.

"That's not funny, Sam. To bring me back. What'd it cost? Was it just your soul, or was it something worse? And again, where is (Y/N)?"

"You think I made a deal? You think (Y/N) made a deal?"

"That's exactly what we think," Bobby answered this time, his arms crossed.

"Well," Sam snorted, "I didn't."

"Don't lie to me," Dean warned intensely.

"I'm not lying!" Sam persisted.

"So what now, I'm off the hook and you're on, is that it? You're some demon's bitch-boy? I didn't want to be saved like this." Dean started advancing on Sam, clearly not believing his younger brother.

"Look, Dean, I wish I had done it, all right?" Sam mentioned angrily, moments before Dean grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, looking straight into his eyes.

"There's no other way that this could have gone down. Not unless (Y/N) sold her soul! Now tell the truth!" he snapped.

Tearing himself from Dean's grip, Sam began to rant, "I tried everything. That's the truth. I tried opening the Devil's Gate. Hell, I tried to bargain, Dean, but no demon would deal, all right? You were rotting in Hell for months. For months, and I couldn't stop it. So I'm sorry it wasn't me, all right? Dean, I'm sorry."

Finally relenting, Dean took a few steps back and inhaled. "What about (Y/N)?"

Sam was silent, not at all soothing the swirling ocean of fear in the eldest Winchester's stomach. "Sammy?" he asked quietly, his voice begging his brother to tell him their little sister wasn't dead.

"I... I don't know, Dean." he finally said, his voice low. He knew what was coming.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Dean shouted, sadness and anger making him raise his voice.

"She was supposed to be with you!" Bobby interjected, his voice angry as well.

Sam didn't even look up, feeling too ashamed. It felt like something was blocking his throat and tears were already beginning to build in his eyes. "We... fought."

Those two words made tears fall from Dean's eyes, his hands coming up to grip his hair. His baby sister, his Bub was out on her own, probably dead.

"She found me when I was talking to a crossroad's demon. I was drunk and hurting and when she came walking over, I just got so angry. It was like she didn't grieve at all."

Dean had to turn away from Sam, his hands raking through his hair and covering his face. It was like he didn't know what to do with them as he drank in his brother's words.

"Trust me," Bobby growled angrily, "she grieved."

Nodding, Sam continued. "I said some shitty things to her, some really shitty things. I... I told her... she wasn't a Winchester, and that was it. She drove off."

Dean couldn't contain his anguish anymore. He turned and lunged at Sam, grabbing him by the shirt with one hand and punching him with the other.

"You! You did that! How could you do that?" he screamed as Bobby scrambled to pull the distraught Dean off of his brother.

Once the older man had finally ripped him off of Sam, Dean pointed an accusing finger at the younger Winchester. "How could you do that to our little sister? After all the crap you already put her through! After I was dead and all she had left was you! You let her walk away! Sammy, how could you do that to our baby sister! She needed you! You were supposed to protect her! And now she's out there, on her own!" he roared, tears streaming down his face.

"Dean! Stop!" Bobby ordered, standing in front of the taller male even if he wanted to punch Sam himself.

"I saw her again," Sam mumbled as he got to his feet, tears in his eyes and blood on his face.

Dean stiffened. "When?"

"Two months ago. At a diner in Arkansas. I tried to talk to her, but she wasn't having any of it. When she left again, I tried tracking her down. Dean, I really did. But she isn't using any of her aliases' and she ditched the car I saw her using that day."

Taking a deep breath, Dean tried to compose himself. "How was she?" he asked, Bobby still had a firm grip on his shirt.

Sam's expression immediately fell, and Dean could already feel the anger rising in his chest again. "Word spread that she was on her own, somehow. Demons were chasing her. She was in rough shape."

Dean tried to get at Sam again, but Bobby was holding him back. With an anguished scream, Dean gave up and pulled himself from Bobby's grip, tears falling down his face as he backed away. "Not our baby girl, Sammy." he whimpered, "Not our little (Y/N)."

It was bad enough that he knew that you were hunting on your own. Hearing that demons were chasing you? Now that near made him break down completely. He'd been there for you for your entire life, and he couldn't even fathom you being out on your own with nobody to watch your back.

"I'm so sorry, Dean." Sam's voice was just as thick as Dean's when he spoke.

With a sharp inhale, Dean shook his head. "I'm not the one you're supposed to apologise to." He couldn't even look at his brother, he was disappointed.

"We need to find her, Sammy. And when we do, we are never letting her go again. Is that clear? You are going to fix what you've broken." Dean finally managed to look his brother in the eye, fixing him with a stern glare.

Vehemently, Sam nodded his head. "I will. I promise, Dean." After that, the room was filled with a tension so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

"Dean. We need to consider the possibility that (Y/N) sold her soul. She might not be too happy to see us, and that's if we find her." Bobby said, keeping a wary eye on the eldest Winchester.

"Not now, Bobby." Dean said, turning on his heel and leaving the room, slamming the door behind him. He needed air.

If you want to be tagged, don’t be afraid to hit me up!

Tag List: @hunterpuff @spn67-sister @captonite @itsssmichelleee @trustnobodyshootfirst @27bmm @tomlinsonlovers @milesofmemes@b0byyy @simsguruforever2580@evyiione @sukanya99 @winchestersmut @fandom-hipster17@msimpala67 @mogaruke @practicallyawinchester @cookie-dough-lova @sammythemooseman @girlwithtwominds @peachy-jordyn @michelllewarren @deansbabygirlkazimpala @nightwings-protege @stilesneedsprotection @lbyers28 @thewinterquicksilver@littlegirlslost @wishedworld @marvelandwinchesters927@mariahoedt @lovesamwinchester @colagirl5 @cutiepielovely23@once-upon-a-psycho @imagineavengerz @fangirl-moment-x @avc212 @br0ken-smiles-and-fallen-angels @spn-applepie-imagines @shadok2015 @hating-life-rn @holmchester @dslocum89 @catswithasideofeverything @coralturtlenut @iamflanneltrash @itsoliviaguzman @winchester-writes @shortgirlshortstories @staticweekes @kylamw2003 @alittlerosebud @2kool-4chu @nvmoake @katflintstone12 @rileyloves5

#You're Not A Winchester #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #bobby singer #sister!winchester #SPN #supernatural #angst #i finally did it #lordy

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cosmosogler · 8 years ago

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today when my alarm went off i didn’t want to get up. i got the feeling i was being interrupted, but i can’t seem to remember what i was actually dreaming about. i think it was the same type of dream i’ve been having for the last week or so though...

so i stayed in my room all day. i made some fries for lunch, but got super sick about halfway through eating them. which is a shame, because they took a half hour to prepare.

i did take wiley out for a walk just after dinner. we walked west along the canal for forty minutes, and then walked the forty minutes back to the neighborhood. it felt like maybe fifteen minutes each way, but when i got back the clock said it was after 7, and we had left around 5:40. then i took eve out for a lap around the block.

a few minutes into my walk with wiley my abdomen started hurting really bad, but on the wrong side for it to be my appendix. that kind of sucked but i kept walking and forgot about it after a while. we came across a mysterious dude that i couldn’t see because the sun was right behind him. it was like a big mystery because i could not see his face and it was a little intimidating. he had the campiest accent i’ve ever heard and it was great. he warned me that there was a rattler along the road if we turned left at the small group of houses down the road. i made sure to take the other road when it forked. we didn’t run into any snakes. but we did run into every single cloud of gnats that ever existed both ways.

i thought wiley was getting tired, but when we got home and met with the neighbor’s kid and her friend wiley jumped all over them as soon as he got a little attention. i gave the three dogs cookies when we got inside.

then dad and i went to get thai food. i had about half of mine before i got too sick to keep eating, so i put the leftovers in the fridge for later... that’s the first time i’ve had to do that with thai food. i usually eat it all because it’s so good that it makes eating fun again. but the last few months... it’s been tough even when it’s like the best food.

and then i sat in my room all night. i watched a lot of youtube videos and beat the elite four about 22 times and fiddled with my online profile in the multiplayer pokemon hub thing. now it’s almost 1 again... i didn’t realize how wiped i was after that walk until i sat down and tried to get up again.

while i was writing that first paragraph i heard diogi fall down in the hallway. eve hopped up to check on her right away but i was all tangled up in my headphones and chargers. she was standing when i got to her but she wouldn’t go anywhere. i eventually coaxed her to the stairs and told her to stay while i let the other dogs out. and she did! i asked her if she wanted to go outside and she kind of perked up and waffled at the top of the stairs so i picked her up and carried her down to the back door. she’s not a BIG german shepherd, but, she’s still a german shepherd. i didn’t have trouble while i was carrying her, but after i put her down i realized i was suddenly sweaty and out of breath.

so we hung out outside for a little bit. when we came inside i asked her if she wanted to stay downstairs and wait for dad to get home or come back upstairs with us. she looked at the stairs, then looked at the front door, then sat down. normally i would agree that dogs don’t really understand sentences (even though i talk to them a lot anyway), but she seemed to know what i was saying with eerie clarity. i haven’t heard her come up the stairs, so i guess she did want to stay down there.

i dunno... she always seems so out of it. she looked so betrayed when i got back home after taking both wiley and eve out for walks. i apologized and petted her and she licked my wrist. whenever she walks she just looks so uncoordinated. jake had the same problem when he got old. didn’t help that he also had an ear infection later on that left him permanently unbalanced. he always had his head tilted when he tried to walk anywhere. i miss him a lot. he was so fluffy and gentle and doofy. and bloat is so painful for the dog. i wish he had died in his sleep instead. i always get anxious when i see wiley horsing around right after he eats. that’s the most common cause of bloat. jake’s case was a little more unusual, since by that point he literally couldn’t run or jump, but not unheard of.

thinking about it makes me sad. i miss jake and randi so much. even as i watch genevieve lick her butt all i can think is “i love that dog.” i guess living with eve is kind of like... i think this is what it’s like to love someone unconditionally. or to love your child. i mean yeah when she ate that horse poop it was totally nasty and i didn’t let her lick me for a whole day afterward but there’s still an overwhelming warmth to every memory of her. i love watching her be interested in something. i love that she sits and watches cars go by on our walks but doesn’t try to follow them. i love that she knows exactly how to get out of my grip when i try to give her a bath. i love that it totally blows her mind that our vet is also my uncle and we see him all the time. i love that she checks up on diogi every time she even makes a weird noise. i love how she gently sucks up treats from my hand with her lips so she doesn’t nick my fingers with her teeth and how she loves peanut butter but seems to forget what it is until she has it in her mouth every time i give her some. i love that one time she ate an entire bag of bagels because she loves bread and ever since then we’ve had to hide anything remotely like bread if we’re not actively eating it. i love that when she gets into the food it’s always neatly unwrapped and only the food is gone. i love that the only time she even tried to bite me was when i was splashing around in the pool and she thought i was drowning so she grabbed my arm and pulled me up while i was... hanging on to the edge of the pool and talking to her. i love that one time she didn’t recognize me and started barking when i came downstairs with sunglasses and a funny hat on. i love that she cries when i ask her what’s wrong.

i dunno. i guess that argument with the therapist kind of got to me more than i wanted it to. animals aren’t alive. they only work off instinct and only do something if it has a purpose. yeah right. i’ve heard that attitude before. from my mother.

eve is like the only living thing in the world i trust to never hurt me on purpose no matter what. and i would never do the same to her either. actually she could probably literally bite me and i would still love her more than anyone else.

sorry i talked about dogs for 30 minutes again. they are my life. i feel like i can’t do anything for myself when i feel so awful, but i can take care of the dogs. and by taking care of them i am sort of taking care of myself, at least in the “i am currently alive and not dead and also i maybe showered today and went outside for a few minutes” sense. and “since the dogs are eating i may as well eat something too.”

i miss my grandparents. i should spend more time with them. we’re playing bunco again on monday at least. but... mom and my roommate’s mom are coming along this time. i don’t want to play dice with my mother. when gramma jokes about her luck it’s charming, but with mom it’s... not charming. i mean, we all laugh at our own jokes. that runs in the family. but mom’s jokes are kind of, cruel at worst and awkward at best?

i’m kind of frustrated with her right now. she always tells me to just try harder, but she is miserable at her job and does nothing about it. she’s been talking about quitting for like five years. the business isn’t doing well and she’s STILL not quitting and finding a better/less stressful/closer to home job. i guess it’s frustrating because she has the power to actually DO something about her situation and she just never does! she tells me it’s because she has to pay for my and my sister’s and soon my brother’s college tuitions, but with her experience and contacts it really wouldn’t be that hard to find another secure job and move to that one immediately upon quitting her old one. she has nothing nice to say about any of her coworkers except andy. but everyone likes andy. even i like andy.

maybe i shouldn’t say “i’m frustrated with her right now.” i’ve been frustrated with her since i started to understand words. at least with my biological father it’s hard to be frustrated with him because, like, he’s not around and it’s mostly because mom ditched him. and i guess after his mom’s funeral we’ve kind of come to a mutual understanding that neither of us is really ever going to reach out to the other. and i think we’re both ok with that. he does the same “silent internal screaming” thing i do when he’s stressed. that probably drove mom up the wall. and my dad is hard to be frustrated with because it’s like being frustrated with a small child. it doesn’t get you anywhere and they pick up on it and get mad and you almost feel like they don’t know any better.

it’s kind of silly that i have so many extra parents and i don’t like ANY of them. understanding glenn doesn’t mean i like him any more than i’d like any other acquaintance, as fascinating as it is to see someone who acts uncannily like me. understanding mom just makes me kind of hate her. understanding dad just makes me tired.

oh, my pokemon are done on poke pelago. i’m going to start a new round and go to bed i think... it’s been almost an hour since i started writing. man, i really didn’t want to stay up past 1 again.

dang, no moonstones. oh well.

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thenika04 · 8 years ago

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ME AS A JUNIOR HIGH... 🙈 Jeje Days | Skinny Me Days | Negra Days | And So Many Days (lol) | There are things back then that I wish never did and I wish I could do again. It was like a hella roller coaster ride. First day of being a freshmen is like sitting on your favorite spot in a coaster ride putting those seatbelts really really tight with super duper extra care to make sure everything is gonna be fine and you're gonna be alive. I was like, "Just Keep Breathing Gurl! You can do it!" and "No you should be scared you'll be bullied" at the same time. There were so many WHAT IFs, WHYs and HOWs running in my mind. I was scared, I feel like my poop is going to sneak out anytime, my underarms were getting so emotional. It's just me sitting in a corner and waiting for someone to talk to me. BUT..... It was just in my first week in Junior High, the following weeks and years? THEY ARE THE REAL THING ❤️🎉 *Roller Coaster is now moviiiiing 🎢😨🙉🙈* As a freshmen (Grade 7) I made friends faster than I thought would. It was actually my first time in a private school because I was in public school (just a walking distance from our house in Manila) since I started schooling. Honestly I entered that school because of the uniform and for some reasons I feel that wearing it will make me look like a 'smart looking youth that is trying stand for her generation'. (I'm really trying bruuh) 👌😇 As time flies, I experienced a lot of things and FIRT TIMES WERE LITERALLY MADE. •First Boyfriend (my sister had her first boyfriend when she was in first year high scool. I like my sister so I thought I should also have a boyfriend during my firtst year in junior high school) •First BOY teacher ( I used to had girl teachers when I was in elementary) • I joined pageants in school and won several times (I'm not tall though PROJECTION is the key 😂). •I was punished by standing in front of eveyone and asked by my teacher to laugh until my laughter runs out. • I was always asked to lead everytime we were to present dance/song numbers or anything that is related to extracurricular activities (Activities>Academics=Me). •I even peed inside our classroom when I was in grade 7 because of too much laughing. I was a happy go lucky student who have good friends/classmates. In my roller coaster ride, they were the one I was screaming with. We hold each others hands, making sure everyone is going to live after the crazy ride. We laugh at each other and sometimes we fight but those fight made us more mature everytime. I was enjoying my life as a student but on top of that I always remind myself about my PRIORITIES. I appreciate how my parents work hard to give me a good education that's why I am very determined to keep up the passion I have and finish each school year with an honor. Me being in Junior High is like me being a puzzle that consists of very important pieces. Every piece matters, every experience matters, every people I met matters, every failures and success matters. The choices I made back then are the choices that mold me to become someone who I am today. *Coaster ride ended*

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romancevsreality-blog · 8 years ago

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vanderpump rules, season five, episode nine: THIS IS A HOSTAGE SITUATION.

I feel duped and lied to.

I got my hopes high as hell for two hours of Vanderpumpy goodness this week, instead, they did us dirty by transitioning without our permission into Summer House. I am not interested in watching Summer House, no thank you1. Bravo, why do you think you can do things like this and we’re just going to go along with it? You are not my dad, you can’t drag me into situations just because you need to look good and you’re afraid of being alone (hint: it’s probably because you’re gonna die alone). Enraged does not even begin to cover my feelings.

Stassi is dealing with a delayed hangover - you know, you wake up feeling hunky dory and think it’s all cool and then two hours later your body is like HA HA HA YOU WERE JUST STILL DRUNK HEEEEEERE’S YOUR HANGOVER. Katie is physically incapable of using a lighter to open her bottle of Corona they’re enjoying in their hotel room, and managed not to get full on Tequila Katie, only halfway. I wonder which half - it appears the un-abusive half is the one she was last night. Katie just wants Stassi to find a man because of course, Katie is the type who thinks Stassi’s happiness revolves around having a man in her life. I hate you, Katie. Katie tries to coach Stassi, who’s showing all of the worst sides of herself - she’s into murder, she likes online shopping, she only cares about getting blowouts and poor spray tans - because she realizes a woman is only worth something when she’s in a relationship with a man.

Just kidding, it’s because she wants Stassi out of her face.

Back in Sonoma, the RV is a mess, and it’s only day two. The place is a pigsty that smells enough to make someone gag, Brittany and Jax are bickering about repacking their bag, and it’s hilarious. Brittany cannot stop flipping out and Jax cannot stop gaslighting. Ariana’s concerned that they’ve lost any sense of humanity they had and that joke is far too easy for me so we’re just going to moooooove right along. The water isn’t working and Brittany is freaking out, and Jax is a terrible boyfriend. He hands her water bottles and talks down to her constantly. Ugh, Jax.

Kristen has never heard the term WASP. In case you were wondering what a WASP is, it stands for White Anglo-Saxon Protestant - according to Wikipedia, it means “an informal, sometimes disparaging term for a closed social group of high-status and influential white Americans of English Protestant ancestry. It is also sometimes applied to those of Scottish Protestant and Irish Protestant ancestry. The term applies to a group who control disproportionate financial, political and social power in the United States.” Basically, Kristen has probably met a ton of WASPs - Irvine, Laguna Beach, Orange County and Newport Beach are the hubs for WASPy behavior in California - but she probably just thought “wow, what an icy bitch.” Kristen, you know what a WASP is. Don’t be an ignoramus.

Then again, every time there’s a bee around Kristen’s probably like “god damn WASPs, Montauk is full of them!”

In front of the pool, Stassi tells them that the twins from Summer House have invited them to a clam bake, and none of them know what a clam bake is. Y’all, it is INHERENT IN THE NAME. Stassi googles it, but none of the girls are really hyped about it because they’re from California. Scheana is the worst kind of person because she doesn’t like seafood2 because when you have witch nails it’s hard to eat food. This is her actual logic for not liking seafood, that and she doesn’t like “cracking things open”.

At NASCAR, they drink a lot, eat poorly3 and Tom Sandoval asks a NASCAR driver to sign his flat iron because of Traditional Masculinity Reasons. I will never understand the appeal of watching a car go in circles over and over again. Even the Monte Carlo Grand Prix seems like it’s just a place for rich people to go and be seen and not give a shit about cars going around and around and around. BOOORING. Then again, most sports bore me. Is NASCAR a sport? This seems like it’d be a debate between two people I hate. Tom Schwartz asks if either Ariana or Brittany would be willing to flash anyone so they can get other stuff, and Jax is basically like “BRITTANY WILL BECAUSE I BOUGHT THOSE BOOBS.”

Jax Taylor is unequivocally a piece of fucking shit.

We’re reminded of that clip from last season when Brittany’s talking about her boob job, and she only wanted a large C, small D, and coked-out, crazy-eyed Jax wanted TRIPLE-D BOOBS4 and rants about how he’s paying for them, so he should get what he wants. I never mention Brittany’s body on this blog because she does get body shamed a ton, particularly over social media - but her having those huge fake boobs (Didn’t she wind up compromising and getting DDs?) isn’t making her look any smaller, particularly on top. Those boobs are too big for her body, and she was probably right to want a large C, small D cup. But how like a man to a) want huge boobs without considering the actual physical ramifications of them5 and b) to insist that because he paid for something, he gets to show it off. Yes, that’s true, Jax. But that’s like giving a dress as a gift to someone and getting angry if they don’t wear it every time they see you. You gave it to them, which means you reneged all rights to comment on what they do with them. Jax needs to learn the word “Agency”, the one that isn’t preceded with “modeling”. Ariana is horrified by this behavior and tells Brittany she needs a new boyfriend. She’s right.

Back in Montauk, Kristen doesn’t know if it’s a “black-tie clam bake”, four words that have never been used together, and Stassi and Katie are being the sad married couple they’re going to be in a few years when Tom Schwartz leaves Katie. Katie calls Lisa because she’s still Lisa’s “assistant”, and Lisa gets her dig into Stassi early. Lisa needs paint, dress samples, and Stassi can only focus on the fact that Lisa didn’t wish her a happy birthday.6

In Sonoma, The Group is on a Ferris wheel, Tom and Ariana are making out, and they’re all kind of like “this trip is the best!” I literally am terrified of Ferris Wheels, the idea of being that high up and going SLOWLY scares me. I’m okay with rollercoasters, but fuck Ferris wheels.

In Montauk, the girls show up for a clam bake, and even I was like “Oh. Wow.” It’s on a beach with lanterns and all sorts of fun time goodness, like a gorgeous table, and champagne, and I want to go to this party. Stassi, in a talking head that I can only hope was filmed after Katie’s wedding, calls it “the prettiest wedding she’s ever been to.” I have this feeling it was, and I’m fueled by this level of shade. Is it bad that I want Stassi and Katie to have another falling out but this time it’s Katie’s fault and her life becomes a shambles? Is that too much to ask for?

They meet the cast of Summer House - Cristina, Kyle, Carl, the twins, et al - and Stassi’s thrilled because it’s attractive, well-dressed young men, which is the opposite from the old guy who tried to buy her a shot last episode. All the Montauk people talk about how despite it being Sunday, they all have to work the next day and are having Sunday Funday Better Than A Monday Can Only Do It One Way And That Is The Drunk Way7 and Scheana’s like “what? You guys have 9-5s? That suuuuuucks for you.” Scheana, you’re a 30-year-old waitress still holding onto a pipe dream of either becoming a pop star or Instagram famous, you literally could not get a job like these people. Don’t get me wrong - there’s great money in the restaurant industry and seasoned servers are to be respected... but I feel like that’s the wrong thing to be morally superior about.

The food is served buffet-style and it all looks delicious - one of the twins is horrified when Scheana admits she doesn’t like fish - and they all sit down to dinner outside on the beach. Stassi gets my dream birthday gift, a magnum of rosé8, and Stassi’s never felt more at home. I really feel like Stassi should have tried harder in New York - I get it, she got wrapped up in her boyfriend during cuffing season - but had she stayed, she probably would still be there and still be the Stassi we loved. Go baaaack, Stassi, go baaaack. I'll be your friend here, I don't have any! Scheana and Kristen sit at the table and turn their noses up to the seafood - Kristen doesn’t know the difference between clams and mussels - and Stassi is rightfully offended. My favorite part is when Scheana’s talking about how you should never eat something with claws and CLICKS HER NAILS TOGETHER because Scheana is a lobster. Nah, lobster is great and Scheana is terrible, Scheana’s like my old roommate’s shitty dog that pooped on my carpet twice, was mildly racist (as was my roommate) and was spiky and not fun to pet. That’s Scheana.

This episode keeps bouncing back and forth between Sonoma and Montauk, but basically, the RV’s full of shit. They overloaded the RV with their clogged toilet. According to Schwartz, it was probably Jax, because he doesn’t know what the “three-sheet-rule” is. If you’re using more than three sheets of toilet paper to wipe yourself, I’m really concerned. Both for you and for your septic tank. The group all jokes about how combative Jax is towards Brittany - they all make fun of him for being a dick and Brittany’s just happy that her feelings are being recognized as valid by others. Brittany is too good for these people and this show and sometimes it makes me sad.

Hot Carl tells Stassi her eyes are gorgeous, and they start talking about: Carl not liking blondes, pubic hair, and whether anyone in the group is dating or has slept with each other. Kristen just goes “so who here has banged?” and for the first time, I may... love Kristen now? Two people are dating, Katie, Scheana, and one of the twins are the only ones that are married or close to it. Stassi’s break up with Patrick is brought up and she starts crying again. Basically, Stassi’s living in fear that if they break up permanently, she might wake up in a year and regret it. Jesus, Stassi. Yes. That could happen. But is it worth the turmoil and the on-again, off-again mishegas? I don’t think so. If you wake up in a year having been separated and want to give it a chance, try it if you’re both single. But don’t let it cripple you. Stassi can’t even bring herself to swipe on anyone on a dating app, that’s how crippled she is. Katie suggests that she just needs someone to grab her boob or needs to give an OTPJ (over the pant hand job, which I had no idea existed until just now).

They’re still happy they don’t have normal jobs so they can’t afford to rent houses in Montauk, though. They feel great that they can’t rent a summer house for their lives. Katie asks who she’s interested in - Stassi rejected Carl because he made fun of her for being on a dating app, but is considering Kyle because he’s cute. And he is. Which means this will end well.

In Sonoma, Brittany’s learning what “charcuterie” means - I guess Sexy Unique Restaurant doesn’t have a meat and cheese course - and Ariana orders pasta and everyone’s thrilled for some reason. Ariana thinks Jax gets off on annoying Brittany, and Tom Sandoval brings up the fact that Jax really just wants Brittany to sit at home, pregnant and barefoot, making him sandwiches. Well, not exactly. He brings up the fact that Jax complains about expecting a sandwich waiting for him.

Jax is supporting Brittany on his own (even though she has a full-time job and says she gives him money) so he feels like he’s allowed to treat her whichever way he wants. Jax was born in 1937 so of course, he has archaic ideas about gender and relationships. Tom Sandoval makes a great point, the same one I made before: you can’t talk to your girlfriend like that, and gifts are not leverage. Jax cannot get over the idea that he deserves a sandwich and says if someone was doing for him what he was doing for Brittany, he’d give them whatever he wanted.

Dear Jax,

Brittany moved from Kentucky to be with you. She had nothing, no friends, no life in Los Angeles, and gave it all up to be WITH YOU. Without you, she’d be nowhere. You made the decision to support her and she’s doing all she can - we see her doing housework constantly while you sit around and bicker with her.

She’s not becoming “one of these LA girls”, like you said. She’s just not letting you treat her like shit anymore, and neither are the people around her. You can’t make her feel bad when you opted to do something. You made the choice to support her, that doesn’t mean she has to be under your thumb all the time.

Love and hate,

Amanda

Jax thinks Tom Sandoval is trying to give him relationship advice when really, Tom’s just calling Jax out for shitty behavior. Jax is forever the victim and doesn’t understand why he’s the jerk right now. Really, Jax? You’re bringing up issues in your relationship with Brittany in front of a table of your friends with the intention of making her look bad. He’s bothered by her becoming “an LA girl” because he thought he was getting a Southern Belle he could just walk all over like it wasn’t anything.

Jax clearly knows nothing about the women of the South, and what they’re capable of. I don’t doubt Brittany’s the girl who puts a smile on when something bad happens and then behind closed doors is like “THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?” Brittany is great. Jax is terrible.

They all cheers to the great weekend, and of course, Lala comes up again. Basically, they all think she sucks out loud, and Ariana mentions that Lala unfollowed her on social media. OH NO. Ariana decided to be Petty LaBelle and unfollows her right back. This right here? It’s happening. Get into it, drama.

Back at Sexy Unique Restaurant, Lala came to talk to Lisa. Lala turned her phone off all weekend and go radio silent, and also refers to herself in the third person. Lala, stop making it so easy to not like you, I want to like you so much. I do understand this, though. There have been days when I put my phone on airplane mode, silenced everything, and laid in the dark for a while. But I also was massively and cripplingly depressed at the time, not trying to get out of going to a NASCAR race. Lisa’s pissed that she gave Lala time off for vacation but she didn’t go to the vacation, which is none of her business. Lala ditched the vacation because she didn’t feel comfortable around Jax and the fact that The Group cannot keep her name out of their mouth. Lisa, who is a grown ass adult woman, is like, “I hope Lala’s not dating a married man because I feel bad for his wife and she’s better than that” instead of being like “As her employer, it is none of my business whether Lala is dating married man or not.” She feeds into the scandal but doesn’t even give consideration to the fact that it could be untrue. Lisa is a queen but a terrible, terrible boss. Wasn’t she sued by a former employee for creating a hostile work environment? Lala has grounds for a great lawsuit on her hands, considering it all was caught on camera. Lala maintains it’s no one’s business because it isn’t. Lala thinks that because people don’t believe her, it’s better to be aloof than to engage, and pretends it’s an acting job. Girl, this is your life, though.

Lala’s basically going to Lisa, saying “I need to be able to work without people calling me a whore,” and Lisa’s all but saying “I could if I wanted to, but didn’t you bring this upon yourself?” Lala tries to quit, thinking it’s best for her, and she’s right. Lisa’s like, “when you’re a queen, people are trying to bring you down.” Lisa basically reminds her that if she leaves, she’s letting all the shit-talkers win, and she’s better than that. She needs to go out there, stand tall, and not give AF. Lala decides not to quit and isn’t quitting today, but that’s not to say much about tomorrow.

Back in Montauk, Kyle9 keeps calling Stassi “Saucy”, which I think is hilarious - her name is short for Nastassia, which he wouldn’t be able to pronounce either - and they’re staying at this gorgeous, huge house in Montauk. It really is gorgeous. Like, a multi-million dollar house. Katie, Stassi, Scheana, and Kristen all arrive and start drinking watermelon margaritas (with a straw for Scheana) and the girls are straight gagged. Kristen thinks she could go into “business” to be able to afford a house like that. Kyle is interested in Stassi.

Back in Sonoma, we find out that Tom Sandoval and Ariana had sex on the trip and the boys go to join them, leaving Ariana and Brittany alone together. They’re both drunk and talking about Jax being a misogynistic asshole. Brittany gets her second vocabulary lesson of the day when she learns what “misogynistic” means - she thinks it means getting massaged. God, by that logic, I wish all men were more misogynistic. I’d be so relaxed all the time. Brittany doesn’t feel appreciated and doesn’t know what to do if he doesn’t change and change soon. What will happen? Jax is gonna get dumped. Brittany eventually calls him out for not feeling appreciated, and Jax wants a turkey sandwich and Brittany makes ham sandwiches and he views that as being underappreciated. Oh, just come the hell on, Jax. He basically just wants her to make him lunch once in a while - and while yeah, I get that, it’s nice, you didn’t have to berate her and talk down to her like she was nothing in front of your friends or make it seem like it was a guilt thing or hold things over her head.

I mean, Jax. She came with you to your surgery and took care of you. If she didn’t appreciate you, she could have just gone to work.

Everyone back in Montauk is changing into their bathing suits, which of course, prompts a discussion about boobs, fake vs. real. Stassi’s high-neck one-piece is my favorite of them all - it’s sexy while literally being covered up and I want it. The married twin tells Stassi that Kyle is into her, and Stassi gets nervous as hell. I would be too, Kyle is going to chop up your body and put it in a freezer. Kyle is wasted in the indoor hot tub and Stassi’s trying to talk to him. It’s not going well - Kyle mentions that he’s trying not to get a boner - and everyone gets up and leaves Kyle and Stassi alone together.

Tequila Katie is out in full force tonight, blowing people with fans, giving Scheana an icing mustache. She literally looks so wasted and Scheana’s upset because her makeup was messed up by her, and I laughed. So hard. She’s like “I even told Shay not to do that at our wedding!” Scheana is so superficial and vain. Back in the hot tub, Stassi’s pumped because this guy is cute and good looking.

AND THIS IS WHERE THE TRANSITION HAPPENED AND THEY FORCED US TO WATCH SUMMER HOUSE. We get a talking head of Kyle talking about how they’ve been drinking all weekend or something. I was too blinded by rage. Kyle’s wasted, though, and couldn’t remember her name. He literally calls her Steve Jobs for wearing a turtleneck bathing suit. My favorite is that you can see Stassi lose interest so quickly and revert to classic sarcastic Stassi. She loses interest quickly and gives him advice as to how to talk to women because the only way this conversation could be worse is if he was literally Patrick Bateman.

Stassi’s Tips:

Remember girls’ names

Listen when they talk

Don’t compare them to Steve Jobs

Do not tell girls you’re excited to see their nipples

They play rosé pong, and Stassi rejoins everyone and recounts the entire conversation about what an idiot he is. He gets called out by Kristen for offending Stassi, and Kyle’s just a drunken asshole. He tries to apologize, Stassi calls him a douchebag and wants him to remember her name.

He literally can barely say it, he’s so drunk.

See you next week!

Random Assessments From The Desk of Amanda:

IT WAS SO HARD TO CONCLUDE THIS EPISODE BECAUSE IT TRANSITIONED INTO SUMMER HOUSE SO SEAMLESSLY. SORRY ABOUT THE WEIRD ENDING.

Kristen looked the best she ever has in this episode. Actually, everyone looked gorgeous on the beach, even Katie. Less makeup works so well for these women.

I still feel like this Summer House seamless transition is like an IRL hostage situation.

Scheana says “I hate girls’ trips” but she was dying to go on this one. She literally will do anything to be on camera and get attention. Even her mom was like “make sure you’re still a bridesmaid!” when anyone else’s mom would have been like “GET BETTER FRIENDS.”

Katie being like “What would Lala do, Stassi?” is so rude.

I love that the Summer House Twins are “married twin” and “single twin”. The misogyny is real.

THE FIRST EPISODE OF MY PODCAST IS UP. Listen, tell me what you think! Join Hillary & I as we watch ANTM from the very beginning!

I wound up watching fucking Summer House. ↩︎

Yeah, I said it, and I’m sticking to it. If you live on a coast and don’t like seafood, just move to Chicago or something. There is nothing as good to me as Prince Edward Island mussels and a glass of champagne. Unf. now I want to go to Flex Mussels. ↩︎

This food does look like it tastes amazing, though. ↩︎

That’s traditionally known as an “F cup”, in case you were wondering exactly how big those are. ↩︎

looking top-heavy, back pain, skin irritation and rashes, fear of toppling over because you’re so top-heavy, etc, etc. ↩︎

This comment is so early Stassi it made me miss her. ↩︎

Quit reading this blog and go watch You’re The Worst, the best depiction of depression and modern relationships I’ve ever seen. Aya Cash is golden. ↩︎

My actual dream gift would be a magnum of rose champagne. Seriously. I’m very easy to please when it comes to gifts - is it alcoholic or can I write on it? Donzo. Notebooks and wine, that’s the kind of gal I am. My brother gave us beer for three Christmases in a row, so there’s where it comes from. ↩︎

Kyle seems like the type who watched American Psycho and thought Patrick Bateman was a good guy. ↩︎

#vanderpump rules #lisa vanderpump #nascar #sonoma #summer house #I HAVE BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE #why are all of my blogs late #why is my life so difficult #jax taylor #jax is the worst and brittany is the best

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howellrichard · 5 years ago

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14 Sensational Books for Your Summer Reading List (2019 Edition!)

Hiya Gorgeous!

If you’ve been tuning into my weekly Wellness Wednesday live series on Instagram and Facebook, then you know that I recently launched our #CrazySexyBooks club with my friend Sheri Salata’s new book, The Beautiful No (and I also recently shared the next book I’m reading, which is also on this list!). I’ve been having such a blast connecting with our amazing community over our shared love for reading books that make us think, question, laugh out loud, vision, tear up and everything in between.

That’s why I couldn’t be more jazzed to bring you my 2019 summer reading list, hot off the press! It’s got something for everyone… fiction and nonfiction, brand new and classic must-reads. These books touch on everything from environmental issues and the powerful feminist themes behind Mary Magdelene’s gospel, to psychedelics, small business marketing and finance, wellness, and set-your-heart-on-fire inspiration!

But before you dive in, I’ve got a special gift just for you…

My 2019 Summer Reading List

1. Mary Magdalene Revealed by Meggan Watterson

This amazing new book by Meggan Watterson, a Harvard-trained theologian, dear friend and one of my spiritual teachers is my latest pick for our #CrazySexyBooks club. In Meg’s words, Mary’s gospel reveals a radical love at the heart of the Christian story (and for many of us, it’s a story we haven’t heard yet!). I feel that love as I read this beautiful book, and I think you will too. It’s a love that transforms everything—and it’s available to all of us. Add this book to your morning spiritual practice. Your heart will open and your soul will thank you.

Get Mary Magdalene Revealed here!

2. More Than Enough by Elaine Welteroth

We all have so much to learn from Elaine Welteroth, who broke barriers as the youngest Editor in Chief of Teen Vogue and paved the way for it to become the socially conscious publication it is today. I love this quote about the book from another woman I admire, Malala Yousafzai: “More Than Enough is a guide for young people who want to find their voice, a crash course for those who want to challenge the status quo, and an adventure story for all of us.” So whether you’re young in years or young at heart, this one is a must-have for your summer reading list.

Get More Than Enough here.

3. Profit First by Mike Michalowicz

Calling all dreamers, small biz owners and solopreneurs! I didn’t think talking about money could be fun, but Mike Michalowicz has proven me wrong. If talking financials makes your head spin but you want your company to grow (and be profitable!), this one is a must-read. You’ll get practical advice paired with case studies that’ll help put you and your business baby on the path to success.

Get Profit First here.

4. How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan

You might know Michael Pollan for his famous food-centric books such as The Omnivore’s Dilemma and In Defense of Food. This time around, his unique brand of skeptical curiosity takes us into the world of psychedelics. Pollan started the research for this book by exploring how some people are using LSD and psilocybin (the active ingredient in psychoactive mushrooms) to treat health challenges like depression, anxiety, PTSD and addiction. In doing so, he discovered a whole world of possibilities for using psychedelics to expand our consciousness, better understand our own minds and transform our fears around dying (especially for cancer patients). If that sounds too trippy to you, I encourage you to keep an open, expansive mind! This book is fascinating.

Get How to Change Your Mind here.

5. Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo

My BFF’s sizzling new book launches on September 10 and I couldn’t be more excited! I’ve been along for the behind-the-scenes ride for an entire year as Marie wrote this glorious gem. I’m devouring the advanced copy now and let me tell you, this brilliant baby is full of spirit-stirring wisdom and life-changing perspective. It’ll fire you up and fill you with hope and the knowledge that it doesn’t matter how many crazy roadblocks threaten to throw you off course, your dream is and always will be figureoutable. I may be biased, but I have a feeling you’ll agree. This masterpiece will definitely be a fall #CrazySexyBooks club pick!

Pre-order Everything is Figureoutable here.

6. A Bright Future by Joshua S. Goldstein and Staffan A. Qvist

I had to share this book because I know how passionate this community is about protecting our planet! The authors unpack how several countries have already replaced fossil fuels with low-carbon energy sources and how the rest of the world could follow in their footsteps to (literally) save the world. This is a compelling, no-nonsense, yet hopeful book that will motivate you to influence change however you can.

Get A Bright Future here.

7. The Beautiful No by Sheri Salata

We just wrapped up chatting about this scrumptious book in our #CrazySexyBooks club, but it’s not too late if you haven’t had a chance to read it yet! Like many of us, Sheri dedicated a big chunk of her life to a career she loved (working with Oprah!). As fulfilling and magical as that was, she found herself wishing for a life she loved just as much. So she left it all and went on a soul pilgrimage. And lucky for us, she shares what she learned and how you can apply it to your own life in this transformative book. I can’t recommend it enough. And my mom agrees!

Get The Beautiful No here.

8. City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert

I adore Elizabeth Gilbert and her captivating new release is perfect for this time of year. This instant bestseller is set in the New York City theater world during the 1940s. It’s got love, sex, glamour, adventure and a little dose of danger—what more could you ask for in a yummy beach read? Grab a champagne cocktail and drink in these delicious pages.

Get City of Girls here.

9. From Poop to Gold: The Marketing Magic of the Harmon Brothers by Chris Jones

Team Crazy Sexy and I have been reading this book and absolutely loving it! If you’ve seen the genius ads for brands like Poo-Pourri and ChatBooks, then you know Harmon Brothers! This book takes you behind-the-scenes of these viral ad sensations that have not only cracked up millions of people, but also boosted these companies’ reputations and helped them sell a whole lotta product. If you’re an entrepreneur like me, then you’re always hungry for proven tips about what works and what flops—and this book is loaded with ‘em!

Get From Poop to Gold here.

10. Let Your Fears Make You Fierce by Koya Webb

We’ve been exploring fear and how to make it work for you (instead of against you!) in a couple of our recent Wellness Wednesdays. If those conversations resonated with you, you’re gonna love this book. Koya Webb, holistic health coach and yoga teacher, shares how she’s turned her fear into one of her greatest superpowers—and how you can too with her straightforward tips, breathing and journaling exercises, mantras and more. I met Koya at an event this spring and I instantly loved her. I can’t think of a better way to spend a summer afternoon!

Get Let Your Fears Make You Fierce here.

11. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

I love my therapist and think folks can benefit from talking to someone. Unfortunately, there’s a long-standing stigma that going to therapy is somehow a sign of weakness. That’s why I’m so grateful for this wonderful book—we can start to break down the harmful notions our society has about mental health. Lori Gottlieb’s intimate portrait of her experiences as both a clinician and patient pulls back the curtain on the world of talk therapy. It’s funny, eye-opening, thought-provoking and so much more.

Get Maybe You Should Talk to Someone here.

12. Beauty Water by Tori Holmes

If you’ve been following me for a while or hanging out with me on Wellness Wednesday, then you already know how I feel about hydration! It’s one of the most important (yet undervalued) aspects of living a healthy life. Now you can turn your H2O routine into a nourishing self-care ritual with this gorgeous book. It landed on my desk a few months ago and I’m grateful it did. This book is packed with 50 recipes for deliciously quenching elixirs that use ingredients like CBD oil, ashwagandha and lion’s mane. Cheers!

Get Beauty Water here.

Looking for something special to read this summer? These 14 gorgeous books are at the top of my list!

13. Do Less by Kate Northrup

I couldn’t wait to get my hands on this book as soon as my dear friend Kate told me she was writing it. If you’re ready to ditch the damaging belief that your worth is based on your productivity, then I suggest picking up a copy for yourself! Instead of trying to squeeze every last thing into your time, Kate encourages a more minimalist approach to life rooted in mindfulness and presence. These powerful lessons are the soul medicine that our busy, overwhelmed, stressed out world so desperately needs! For more on this topic, check out this fascinating interview with Kate on Jenna Kutcher’s Goal Digger podcast.

Get Do Less here.

14. The Future of Fashion by Tyler Little

I’ve written a couple of articles recently about the environmental, human and animal impacts of fast fashion. If that topic moves you, you’ll really dig this book. It’ll help you understand the problems with the global fashion industry on a deeper level, as well as what innovative people and businesses are doing differently to flip the script. You’ll be inspired and empowered to make sustainable shifts in your own life!

Get The Future of Fashion here.

I can’t wait to hear what you decide to add to your summer reading list! And don’t forget to join me for Wellness Wednesday on Instagram and Facebook. Going live has become one of the things I look forward to every week—I love this special space we’re creating together. In addition to chatting about #CrazySexyBooks, we dish on lots of juicy tips to help you live your healthiest, happiest life. It’s also a chance for us to just connect and get to know each other better… so fun!

You can catch up on past Wellness episodes here and sign up for reminders (so you never miss another one!) here.

Your turn: What books are on your summer reading list?

Peace & bookworm buddies,

The post 14 Sensational Books for Your Summer Reading List (2019 Edition!) appeared first on KrisCarr.com.

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acorpseontheground-blog · 6 years ago

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hi let me answer 400 fucking questions

1. Name: Jace 2. Nickname(s): i dont have any 3. Birthday: June 1 4. That makes you (age): im almost 15 5. Where were you born (city): Vancouver 6. Location right now (planet ): in my house 7. Shoe size: uh like 8 womens 8. How many piercings?: two, almost pierced my septum 9. Tattoos?: no 10. When you wake up you're: tired and sad 11. When you're about to sleep you're: tired and sad 12. Zodiac sign: gemini 13. Chinese sign: monkey i think 14. Righty or Lefty: righty 15. Innie or Outie: innie 16. School: no Section Two: Looks 17. Nationality: im really white 18. Hair colour: like dirty blonde 20. Weight: idk like 140lbs 21. Height: 5′10 i think 22. Braces? no 23. Glasses? no Section Three: Private Life 24. Do you have a boy/girlfriend?: yeah 25. If so, who?: uh someone who was not interested in me at all for 7 months 26. If not, do you have a crush on someone?: i mean 27. Who has a crush on you?: i mean 28. Ever cheated on your bf/gf?: no that shit is disgusting dont talk to me if you do that 29. Who was your first kiss: someone that i no longer talk to. dont regret it being them though 30. Who was your last kiss: my bf 31. Are you a virgin?: uh 32. Ever had a threesome before?: no 33. NQ- Every been swarmed by ladybugs?: no whattheufkc 34. Have you ever been in love?: yes 35. Broken any hearts?: most likely 36. Got your heart broken?: well i broke up with someone idk if that counts as having my heart broken but i was devastated but i had to do it sooo idk 37. Ever liked a friend? yes ive only really liked 2 people and theyve been my friends because i cant trust people 38. What happened? they have liked me back at some point Section Four: Past Relationships 39. How many relationships have you been in?: two 40. How many were serious enough to count: two? 41. Who were those serious ones: first kiss, my bf 42. NQ- Who used to be your best friend: uhhhhh ig first kiss 43. What made them different: i really liked their personality and the way they presented/ i was head over heels for them for like idk 3 years 44. What happened: i wasnt mature enough to handle myself 45. Best boy/girlfriend: my fucking GIRLS taylor and claire 46. Worst boy/girlfriend: someone i recently cut off contact with 47. Ever been kissed: yes 48. Who do you want back: uhgdjgkjdfhgkjd goodbye 49. Who do you regret: no one, i think all experiences are good and if i regret someone i would hace never gotten those Experience Points 50. Why?: n/a Section Five: Favourites 51. Song: shit uhhhh like or like like by miniature tigers?? or falling for you by mxmtoom and peachy?? or cherub rock by the smashing pumpkins idk my taste is wack 52. Movie: as you are but i shared it with the person i recently cut off contact with so uh 53. Food: bro. pickles. i even drink the pickle juice when im done with the pickles. 54. Drink: orange crush man 55. Store: shopping stresses me out 56. Television show: uh black mirror? 57. Holiday: hallo fucking ween 58. Book: words on bathroom walls i think 59. Ice cream: cookie dough 60. Sweets: m&m’s 61. Crisps: wjat 62. Type of music: i listen to a lot? i listen to electronic, indie, alternative, rock, those sad boy hour songs really whatever i have like three different playlists for my tastes 63. Artist: really into teen suicide rn 64. Word: uh 65. Time of day: 1 am outside watching the stars 66. Dressing: like. salad dressing or clothes 67. Alcoholic drink: i dont drink anymore tryna stay away from that so i dont revert 68. Colour(s): i love blue 69. Piece of clothing: my fidlar hoodie that concert was wild i got punched in the head 70. Character: DELSIN ROWE 71. Smell: campfire 72. Shampoo: idk i use whatever is in the shower 73. Soap: i use whatever 74. Smiley: idk 75. Board game: definitely monopoly i live out the fantasy of being rich 76. Sport: i dont care 77. Number: i still dont care 78. Quote: idk 79. Animal: still a wolf shut up meanies >::((((( 80. Actor: idc 82. Vegetable: broccoli ofc 83. Fruit: oranges 84. Place to be: on the hill 85. Thing in your room: my guitar and my ukulele my fuckibng babies dont touch them 86. Gum: uh 87. Shape: uh> 88. Country: uh? 89. Mall: i hate malls 90. Car: idc wow im boring 91. Boy's name: br idk 92. Girl's name: idk 93. Family member: my sister sh 94. Restaurant: pepper lunch is kind of the shit 95. Movie place: we literally only have one movie theatre 96. Person to go to the movies with: my friends 97. Noise: idk 98. Brand of shoe: vans theyre comfy 99. Brand of clothing: idk 100. Body part of a chicken: the gobble part the fuck is that called 101. Swear word: uh? fuck? 102. Month: october 103. Possession: ukulele and guitar again 104. Team: ? 105. Season: winter it’s cold and people can’t bully me for being pale 106. Radio station: who listens to the radio 107. Magazine: who reads magazines 108. Favourite grade: none they were all stressful 109. Least favourite grade: grade 1 110. Teacher: mme martin 111. Least favourite teacher: mme leclerc 112. Subject: band 113. Subject to talk about: music Section Six: Family 114. Who's your mum?: my mom 115. Who's your dad?: my dad 116. Any step-parents?: no 117. Any brothers?: yes 118. Any Sisters?: yes 120. Coolest: brother/sister 121. Loudest: my parents fuck 122. Best relative: uh 123. Worse relative: someone who hit on my sister 124. Do you get along with your parents? sometimes 125. With your siblings? yes 126. Does anyone understand you? lmao ugh no one understands me;((((( 127. Do you have any pets?: yes 128. If so, what kind and name? dog, cat, rosie, thea 129. If not, what do you want as a pet?: i want a snake so bad Section Seven: School 131. Are you still in school? yes 132. Did you drop out?: yes 133. Your current GPA: idk what that is 134. Do you buy or bring lunch?: both, sometimes we cant afford anything so like i just dont eat 135. ABC's?: what 136. Favorite class: band 137. Play any sports at school?: no 138. Are you popular? HAHA no 139. Favourite memory: uh when i failed three classes i loved that :) 140. Most humiliating moment: idk 141. Most funniest moment: bro idk 142. Most scared moment: when i thought my school was gonna be shot up lmfao Section Eight: What do you think of when you hear 145. Chicken: bacawk 146. Dog: bark 147. Christina Aguilera: oUOouIA 148. Ricky Martin: who 149. 50 cent: bottle full of bub 150. Poop: uh 151. Beach: woosh 152. Desert: the sound of sand? 153. Water: woosh 154. Osama: oh 155. Love: the sound of when you are holding your breath and then you exhale because they left but you didnt realize you were holding your breath 156. Your little brother: i 157. Butt: what 158. Clowns: get that shit away 159. Wonder: wahtr 16o. Brown: brrpoqn 161. Banana: peeling noise 162. Sex: moaning?? 163. Parents: yelling 164. Homosexuals: what 165. God: nothing Section Nine: Do you believe in 166. God: idk not really 167. Heaven: idk 168. Devil: idk 169. Hell: idk 170: Boogy man: no 171. Closet Monsters: no but im always paranoid someone is in my closet 172. Fortune tellings: no 173. Magic: idk 174. Love at first sight: idk 175. Ghosts: yes 176. Voo-doo dolls: no? 177. Reincarnation: maybe 178. Yourself: no Section Ten: Do you 179. Smoke: not cigs, i’ll vape but i dont have one of my own, and if you got weed and want me to smoke it with you sure 180. Do drugs: weed? 181. Drink alcohol: not anymore 182. Cuss: yeah 183. Sing in the shower: yeah 184. Like school: no 185. Want to get married: yeah 186. Type with all of your fingers: on the computer not really only my middle and index finger 187. Think you're attractive: not really 188. Drink and drive: no ive had some horrible experiences 189. Snore: i dont think so 190. Sleep walk: used to 191. Like watching sunrises and sunsets: yes omg Section Eleven: Have you ever 192. Flashed someone: no 193. Gotten so drunk til you threw up everywhere: haha yeah 194. Told that person how you felt: yeah 195. Been arrested: n o 196. Gone to jail or juve: no 197. Skateboarded: yes im so fucking bad at it though 198. Skinny dipped: no 199. Rock climbed: yes 200. Killed someone: no 201. Watched porn: yes 202. Gone on a road trip: yes 203. Went out of the country: yes 204. Talked back to an adult: yes 205. Broken a law: yes 206. Got pulled over: no i cant drive 208: Cried to get out of trouble: no 209. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: yeah 210. Kissed a brother's or sister's friend: no 211. Kissed a friend's brother or sister: no 212. Dropped something on the floor and let someone eat it anyways: yeah 213. Moon someone: no 214. Shop-lifted: no 215. Worked at McDonald's: no 216. Eaten a dog: no 217. Give money to a homeless person: yeah 218. Glued your hand to yourself: no 219. Kissed someone of the same sex: yeah 220. Had a one night stand: no 221. Smoked: not cigs 222. Done drugs: weed 223. Lose a friend because of your ex: i dont think so? 224. Slap someone for being stupid: lightly 225. Had cyber sex: no 226. Wish you were the opposite sex: at one point in my life i wanted to die because of it 227. Caught someone doing something: yeah 228. Played a game that removes clothing: no 229. Cried during a movie: yeah 230. Cried over someone: yeah 231. Wanted to hook up with a friend: no 232. Hooked up with someone you barely met: no 233. Ran away from home: yeah 234. Cheated on a test: yeah Section Twelve: Would you 235. Bungee jump: yes pls 236. Sky dive: yes 237. Swim with dolphins: yes 238. Steal a friend's bf or gf: no 239. Try to be the opposite sex: oh 240. Lie to the police: no 241. Run from the police: idk depends on the situation probably not 242. Lie to your parents:yeah 243. Backstab a friend for your own well being: no ew 244. Be an exotic dancer: no 245. NQ- Kill the president: dont have a president Section Thirteen: Are you 246. Shy: not shy 247. Loud: no 248. Nice: i think? im also kind of an asshole 249: Outgoing: not outgoing 250: Quiet: kind of 251. Mean: sometimes 252. Emotional: yeah? 253. Sensitive: no 254. Gay: no 255. Strong: uh idk 256. Weak: not physically 257. Caring: yes 258. Dangerous: no 259. Crazy: no 260. Spontaneous: no? 261. Funny: ive been told 262. Sweet: idk 263. Sharing: yeah 264. Responsible: yeah 265. Trustworthy: yeah 266. Open-minded: yeah 267. Creative: i guess 268. Cute: uh no 269. Slick: idk 270. Smart: no 271. Dumb: no 272. Evil: no 273. Ghetto: no 274. Classy: no 275. Photogenic: sometimes 276. Dependable: yeah ive made some mistakes though 277. Greedy: no 278. Ugly: no? 279. Messy: kinda 280. Neat: kinda 281. Perverted: uh well im not asexual 282. Silly: what 283. A B****: sure 284. A Good Listener: yeah 285. A Fighter: yeah 286. A Party Animal: no 287. A Game Freak: i like games 288. A Computer Freak: no Section Fourteen: Future 289. Dream job: musician 290. Dream house: fuck idk 291. Husband/Wife: someone i love 292. Kids: like 2 293. Names: , 294. Pets: doberman pls 295. Car: idk 296. Age you would want to get married: like 30 297. Best Man/Bride's Maid: idk 298. Honeymoon: idk Section Fifteen: Your friends 299. Best friends: taylor, claire 300. Known the longest: taylor 301. Craziest: taylor 302. Loudest: claire 303. Shyest: taylor 304. Best hair: i love them all 305. Best eyes: taylor has like multicoloured eyes 306. Best body: bro no 307. Most Athletic: claire 308. Hot-Tempered: both 309. Most impatient: idk 310. Shortest: taylor 311. Tallest: claire 312. Skinniest: uh skinnier is taylor shes smaller in general 313. Best singer: idk neither of them sing 314. Funniest: both 315. Can always make you laugh: both 316. Wish you talked to more: i have like 3 friends so keira 317. Wish you saw more: keira 318. Who drives you insane after a while: claire 319. Who you can stay around forever and never get sick of: taylor 320. Ever lose a friend because you took it to the 'next level': no 321. Whose always been there when you need them: taylor and claire 322. Who is like your family: taylor and claire 323. How many friends do you have?: 4 324. How many are really close? 2 Section Sixteen: The last 325. Thing you ate: burger 326. Thing you drank: water 327. Thing you wore: im in shorts and a hoodie right now? 328. Thing you did: dog walk 329. Place you went: dog park 330. Thing you got pierced or tattooed: my ears 331. Person you saw: my mom 332. Person you hugged: my mom 333. Person you kissed: my bf 334. NQ- Person you beat to a juicy pulp: idk but id like to beat some people to a juicy pulp 335. Person you talked to online: this bitch thunder that is annoying we dont talk anymore shut the fuck up bro 336. Person you talked to on the phone: my call log says my mom 337. Song you heard: beach walk by whitewoods 338. Show you saw: like concert? fidlar 339. Time you fought with your parents: idk like today 340. Time you fought with a friend: idk 341. Words you said: “yeah” Section Seventeen: Now 343. What are you eating: burger 344. What are you drinking: water 345. What are you thinking: miss 346. What are you wearing: shorts and a hoodie 347. What are you doing: writing this 349. Hair: messy? im sick 350. Mood: gross 351. Listening to: nothing 352. Talking to anyone: no 353. Watching anything: mr nightmare Section Eighteen: Yes or No 354. Are you a vegetarian: no 355. Are you a carnivore: no 356. Are you heterosexual: no 357. Do you like penguins: yes 358. Do you write poetry: sometimes? i dont share it 359. Do you see stupid people: yes 360. You + Me: uh 361. Do you like the Osbournes: never really watched it 362. Can you see flying pigs: egrhf 363. Do you sleep with stuffed animals on your bed: no 364. Are you from Afghanistan: no 365. Is Christina Aguilera ugly: no 366. Are you a zombie: no 367. Am i annoying you: yes 368. Do you bite your nails: yes 369. Can you cross your eyes: yes 370. Do you make your bed in the morning: no 371. Have you touched someone's private part: yes why would you word it like private part Section Nineteen: This or That 372. Winter or Summer: winter 373. Spring or Autumn: autumn im quirky hahahahahahha 374. Shakira or Britney: neither 375. MTV or VH1: neither 376. Black or White: mix of both is good 377. Yellow or Pink: pink 378. Football or Basketball: basketball 379. Mobile Phone or Pager: mobile phone 380. Pen or Pencil: pencil i feel safer 381. Cold or Hot: cold it’s easier to warm up than to cool down 382. Tattoos or Piercings: piercings but i want a small tattoo 383. Inside or Outside: uh both 384. Weed or Alcohol: weed 385. Coke or Pepsi: coke 386. Tape or Glue: tape 387. McDonald's or In-n-Out: mcdonalds Section Twenty: Opinions 388. What do you think about classical music: love it! 389. About boy bands: sure! 390. About suicide: i dont think people understand that someone who is suicidal, their perception is collapsed. even though they subconsciously know they have other options, they believe with every bit of them that is their one and only choice. 391. About people who try to force their opinions on you: choke 392. About teen pregnancy: make sure you can handle the child and have support. if not, get an abortion or put it up for adoption. seriously. only keep it if it’s something you want, not because you were being shamed. 393. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years: on hastings shooting up heroin idk 394. Who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: taylor 395. About gay men: love yall Section Twenty-One: 396. Do you have a website: no 397. Current weather right now: uh cloudy 398. Current time: 8:15 pm 399. Any shout outs: no one follows me 400. Last thoughts: fuck,

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