#but i also think it relates to his thing with like. being perceived outside of his control.

[moonshynecybin]

I just have a question after looking at that picture. What is Marc's body hair removal routine like. Man is always smooth as a baby dolphin. What ARE the rosquez implications of this....

i think he’s just naturally hairless like one of those cats that looks like a penis…. either that or he is getting his entire body waxed literally constantly like a crazy person. anyways does anyone get this joke.

[bloodbluepearl]

i think that the phenomenon of people ignoring / leaving out swansea should be studied because there is a LOT of implicit fatphobia and ageism in that that people don't realize.

and even when people do include him in posts, he often gets boiled down to just being a father figure, which is yet another product of ageism- he's not really that fatherly in the game at all, but the only way that some people can really see an older man like him is as a father, so that's what he gets reduced to.

again, it's all implicit and subconscious more often than not, so it isn't like people are actively trying to be harmful in the way that they perceive him and exclude him, but it's important to recognize these schools of thought and call them out for what they are to nip them in the bud in order to seriously engage with the game on a critical level.

it can also manifest in actual explicitly fat-related jokes, which in and of themselves aren't necessarily indicative of anything, but when people are both dismissive of him as a character, dismissing his impact on the story and reducing him down to what they think an older man should be WHILE making these jokes, it's very clear that there are some very harmful biases at play.

i've been thinking of making this post for a while but what really pushed me to was a conversation i had in a server with someone who would not engage with the idea of swansea as a character outside of making jokes about him being fat, and when i pointed this out, they said theyd say it about anyone, that it wasn't because he was the only fat character, and then later that they couldn't be assed to understand what i meant when i explained how they and a good handful of people see him is really weird. this on top of a few artists i've seen who would draw every character MINUS swansea in a piece. these sorts of conversations need to be held! people will do and say these things without realizing the subconscious thought processes that motivate their actions, so it needs to be said that there ARE these biases and this DOES happen so that people can, at the very least, be aware of it.

[raayllum]

What Is Up With Terry :: the Thread of Necessity

Intro

Terry is an interesting character in a lot of ways. He's unflappably kind and optimistic, accepting even to a fault, and he's an elf with no issue with dark magic yet doesn't seek out its use for himself. He's a non-traditional antagonist for starters, he's trans without being overly sanitized, and he most notably provides a sounding board for more overtly 'evil' characters like Viren in season four and Claudia in seasons five and six. Most of this is in service of Claudia's goals, with Terry not having many of his own goals outside of his support of Claudia and Viren; this is, mind you, not too dissimilar from Soren with Ezran in arc 2 as well, or even Amaya with Janai.

I also think he's a very important in a character in a lot of ways, for the ease with which he explores and exemplifies

You can love / support Viren and Claudia and that doesn't make you a 'bad person' in the show

You can be okay with dark magic without changing your mind and that doesn't make you a bad person either

You can kill someone in TDP and that doesn't automatically make you a bad person either

We know all of this is true (and will likely continue to be true) as we know in S7 there is an episode about Terry related to him still having a "true and pure heart," which is about as classical "good guy protagonist" speak as you can get. In those lenses, I think Terry was a fantastic choice in introducing a new character to not only contrast against Claudia and Viren, but also in terms of getting us to be more sympathetic towards them (particularly Viren) than we might've been inclined towards in arc 1.

That said, I think the most important thread that Terry carries is that he is a character who truly and wholly does whatever is necessary for his cause, nothing more, nothing less.

But what does that mean, tangibly, within TDP's narrative? Well, let's talk about it:

Necessity

The concept of necessity—I needed to do this, or I have to do this (even though I don't want to)—is one that has been central to TDP for a while. We see this characters who cite a lack of agency ("He was going to take Claudia's life, I had no choice" / "Every step I took, I took because I had to" / "I'm sorry. I have to do this") throughout the show, both dark mages and not, particularly Rayla, Soren, and Callum.

And in return for perceived necessity, as Harrow states, "I have done terrible things. I thought they were necessary. Now I don't know." We increasingly see people justify, or struggle to justify, worse and worse actions. Claudia's mindset has become very transactional, for example ("He saved you, and now we have to save Aaravos" / "It's a mistake! I saved you! You owe me your life!"). Generally speaking, the show treats these things labelled as necessary as unnecessary (hence the regret they experience, and even Terry disagreeing more adamantly than he ever has before).

This is, of course, because 4x09 and 6x09 together very clearly spells out what is important for Terry to believe something is necessary: it must be done entirely out of love, no more and no less.

I've seen you do a lot of awful things, dark magic things, but I always believed in you because you had a reason [saving your dad]. But what you just did, the way you tricked that Moonshadow elf? It was just cruel.

Maybe it started out as a story of love, but along the way it got twisted. [...] He isn't doing anything for love. He's doing it out of revenge.

To Terry, you do what you have to do but go no further; you don't give into anger, you don't give into revenge. You act entirely out of love, and keep acting out of love and let it temper you. This is why Terry resonates, I think, and seeks guidance from Viren after the mage's initial assessment of what's been happening, emotionally:

This is similar in practice to why Viren (and Claudia to a lesser extent) are characters with such fraught paths. Not only because of their dark magic use, but because of their denial. Viren violates Lissa's safety and trust to save Soren, but then blames Soren for it; Claudia heals Soren and brings back Viren, and doesn't understand why fixing things physically wasn't enough. "I had no choice" for them means "I have no accountability," and that's why they kept spiralling deeper till Viren broke out of it. He atones then not by swearing off dark magic (although it helps) but by taking full agency in the choice to do dark magic and in what manner (not sacrificing his family again) and without a desire for ego, which was his biggest character flaw in a lot of ways.

The reason I bring this up is to provide a contrast for Terry in a few ways, such as

Terry always being very emotionally open, rather than repressing or offloading blame onto other people

Mandates that he had no choice (4x03, 4x04) but to kill Ibis verbally, but is also aware that it very much was

Is able to accept that this was a choice and move on

Terry does what he believes is necessary. He feels things about it. He doesn't go further into outright self destruction, and he doesn't escalate to what harm is deemed unnecessary. That doesn't mean Terry's levelheadedness can't be a flaw (he absolutely should have told Claudia to give up magic in 6x04) or that what he believes is necessary always is / that his choices are perfect (they're not), but that in his contrast to Claudia and Viren, he continually provides that contrast. He can be held at sword point by Rayla, a total aggressive stranger, and still recognize that withholding her family from her is what he deems as unnecessary cruelty (but more on that later).

For now I want to talk about patterns, specifically two that he engages in with Claudia.

Patterns

The first pattern is unsurprising, perhaps, given that Claudia-Rayla have continually had parallels, given that:

1) Claudia keeps leaving him

This is, of course, most obvious in 6x01 when Claudia states her intention to do so, or even in 6x09 wherein Aaravos literally lifts her away from Terry:

But we also see it earlier on with even the choices Claudia makes in her mission. Terry is a passive person, much like how Claudia at her core is ("Tell me what to do" + 90% of interactions with Viren that aren't about saving him), and therefore Claudia leads the way, and Terry is happy to let her.

He never really considers that he might be a core part of her truth, and that she wants more active advice (see the way Rayla counsels Callum about his dark magic use, comparatively, in 6x03, or nudges him forwards elsewhere throughout the seasons). While Terry isn't wrong to encourage Claudia to think staunchly for herself, and in fact she very much should, it does leave her more vulnerable to the next first person willing to tell her what to do: Aaravos.

We also see Terry's passivity go even further back to one of his first episodes, as well as in the S5 finale.

Each entry in the pattern is a little different.

4x03: Claudia leaves / goes in alone and fails at her mission. Terry follows and saves her by killing Ibis at great cost to his personal emotional state.

5x09: Claudia leaves / goes in alone and fails at her mission. She goes further into Aaravos' clutches (the ocean here metaphorically) and returns of her own accord.

6x01: Claudia succeeds at bringing back her father but cannot make him stay. She leaves on her own in an attempt to break her family's cycle of abandonment without realizing how she's continually perpetuating it, but returns in a devastated and dejected state.

6x09: Claudia succeeds at her mission of freeing Aaravos, and the Startouch elf takes her literally into his clutches and away from Terry.

Each time it is her choice to leave, with only 4x03 firmly having Terry following without her returning by her own merit. Whereas Claudia plays out her family's cycle of abandonment with all its members—her mother, her brother, and finally her father—Terry plays it out with just Claudia, over and over again. This doesn't mean their relationship is bad or that some of these times are unreasonable—Terry is willing and supportive to let her go in 4x03 and 5x09 much the way Callum is supportive of Rayla in 4x09, 6x05, and 6x09—but it is a pattern that has then taken on a negative slant in S6 and will likely to continue to worsen in S7 before it gets better either in the season or beyond.

Then, we have the pattern of how

2) Claudia gradually stops listening to him.

This is probably more interwoven with the thread of necessity than the previous pattern, since as stated before, sometimes when Terry is letting Claudia go off on her own while it's imperfect in the narrative, it makes sense within their dynamic / resources. Like as previously mentioned, too, Terry is more often correct than he is wrong about the next moves people should make. He's right that Claudia will need help in 4x03, he's right that they should go look for her in 4x07, he's right that she needs rest in 5x02, and right to be wary and against Aaravos in 6x09.

In the beginning, Claudia listens to him.

But as the seasons go on, this gradually changes with twice back to back in 5x06.

T: It won't chase us anymore, you won. It's trapped. Please. C: You're right. It won't follow us. But not because it's trapped.

Season six is arguably the season where Claudia listens to him the least despite Terry reaffirming her agency most directly (6x04) as she ignores or doesn't listen to every reservation he has.

T: It's him. It's your Dad. C: Then I have to... T: No! Please! Please don't... I don't think you should see him like this. C: I have to! I came all this way to see him one last time. I need him to show me the right path. T: This won't give you answers. Only anger. Only pain. I'm so sorry. He's gone. He is gone.

And Terry, who does things only that are necessary, only out of love, would know the difference: unlike Rayla, or Claudia, or numerous other characters arguably in the show, he always has, particularly when given broader context the way he is in 6x09 (which hasn't always been true in his relationship with Claudia, either).

None of this is to say that Claudia is a Bad Partner or that your partner should always listen to you, either, because neither of those things are true in life or in TDP. Healthy couples in TDP disagree all the time in both healthy and unhealthy ways. Rayla left Callum when he explicitly made her promise not to, and Callum did dark magic to save her twice despite 100% knowing it's not what she wold've wanted.

But the first thing I want to address is the difference between Claudia leaving out of grief and trying to feel in control after losing everyone but her boyfriend, and Rayla leaving out of grief and trying to feel in control after losing everyone but her boyfriend because they are wildly different for one main reason.

Rayla left in the middle of the night while Callum was sleeping because "you’ll wake up and try to stop me… from doing what I know I have to do. Leaving. But I can’t let you stop me, Callum. No matter how much I want to. [...] And if you said even one word to me, I wouldn’t be—couldn’t be. If I stay even until your eyes open and you yawn your silly morning yawn, I’ll break" (TDP reflections, Dear Callum).

Terry, meanwhile, is actively begging and pleading with Claudia, and he is still abandoned. Granted, Claudia seemingly comes back within a day or two, not two years, so that does mitigate things, but the fact remains that Rayla thought she wouldn't be able to leave to protect Callum if she even heard him speak a word or yawn, and Claudia was able to leave to protect herself while having a full on conversation. Ouch.

Nor does this completely absolve Terry of the one time Claudia straight up asks him to tell her what to do, or what he thinks she should do, Terry doesn't (6x04). He's not wrong that she needs to choose the way and figure out what she needs, but him emphasizing that he can't tell her what to do and then immediately accepting her premises that Viren can and should tell her what to do is something that's already bitten both of them in the ass.

Terry also only asks Claudia to listen to him, really listen, and to tell her what she should do when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.

This is also one of the reasons why she and Terry are suited to each other. Both value and respond to necessity, scaffolding everything else on top of what needs to be done or doesn't need to be done. What's risky about this mutual understanding is the potential for it to stop being so mutual if they start to have different views on what's necessary. And as we see in 6x09, that's happening more and more. What is going to continue happen when Claudia keeps viewing Aaravos' actions as necessary, and Terry doesn't?

Questioning

So Terry is, presumably, going to increasingly be wary and against Aaravos. What is that going to look like?

We have a decent idea, honestly. As stated / noted before, Terry actually pushes back against Claudia fairly often. He's just rather gentle about it, and usually is trying to prioritize her wellbeing (or someone else's) when she isn't. Examples include:

4x09 over the coins / being cruel

5x01 ("You'd think if dark magic does this to a person they might not do it")

5x02 over resting

5x06 over attacking the dragon

5x06 over killing the dragon

6x01 over her leaving

6x04 with telling her what to do

6x08 over seeing Viren's corpse

6x09 in helping / freeing Aaravos

However, we're also yet to see him be angry in his questioning or when pushing back, which is what I think would be most interesting to see change (think the moment where Iroh finally yells at Zuko beneath Lake Laogai). His pushback with Claudia has gotten more and more consistent as well as more dire throughout the seasons, and just like how Viren and Claudia eventually disagreed and split up, I think Terry and Claudia will too. How permanent that split will be, I think, is up to her (I could see parallels happening between Soren and Terry teaming up to try and bring her home, with Ezran and Rayla doing the same for a brother-partner tag team Callum duo), but I do think that Terry's testament of "I love you, I will never leave you" is apt foreshadowing to see what it would take for him to break his promise, and do just that.

To what he knows needs to be done, even if that means walking away.

Misc. Season Thoughts

Terry also has some interesting things that don't fall under the necessity umbrella that I wanted to talk about as well. One of those things is

TERRY AND IDENTITY

This isn't to say I think Terry actively has an identity arc in seasons 4 through 6 the way other characters (Callum, Rayla, Viren) are, but that Terry like most of the main cast is linked to arc 2's continual increased emphasis on identity and choosing your own identity. This is true particularly in 4x01, which opens after the intro with Callum running through / clarifying his titles (or identity roles) and concludes with Viren and Terry being introduced to one another. Terry gives details on his name ("[Terrestrius] is a bit traditional, but my friends call me Terry") and then asks for clarification on what he can call Viren.

Later on in S5 and S6, we see Soren and Rayla respectively see through the 'monstrous' / threat of others by reaffirming their similarities ("I know what this is like. I know how you feel" / "This storm isn't your rage, it's your grief. I know how you feel") and bestowing agency through naming conventions. Rayla identifies the monster isn't a monster but a pet, and more than that, gives Esmeray back her name. Elmer does the same when he overthrows Finnegrin and Soren likewise affirms it: "We literally didn't [defeat him]. Elmer did."

Why is this relevant? Well, in an arc that's all about emphasizing over and over again to see other people's personhood by using their name(s), recognizing that you have a choice, and choosing who you want to be...

So often queer characters in media are regulated to their queerness being happenstance (i.e. they fulfil a certain story role regardless and just happen to also be queer) or it's all their character gets to be (a "figuring out queerness and/or a coming out" arc). One of the reasons I myself (as a queer and trans person) has always deeply appreciated Terry as a queer character, specifically as a trans character, is precisely the way that his transness is interwoven with TDP's broader themes of chosen identity, self-actualization, and knowing / name motifs. In having these themes and ideas for multiple cis characters, Terry's interplay gets to be enhanced by his trans identity and simultaneously let him enhance the thematic explorations the series has going on, and I think that's pretty cool. Identity is one of the main themes of s4, and for Terry as well, so it's nice to see the ways that's reflected.

I expect season 7 to challenge his identity further ("I'm going to be strong enough to do whatever I need to do and still have feelings") if forcing him to confront who he wants to be, who Claudia is becoming, and who he thinks they can still be together. In a lot of ways I'm expecting S7 to be a sister season to S4 thematically even as S7 builds on S5/S6 in terms of plot and character arcs, since S7 seems geared to be about identity directly even more than S4 was (and much more than S5 or S6 were).

TERRY AND COMMUNICATION

If season four is about identity, season five has a strong emphasis on communication. This is, again, likewise true for Terry, as he encourages Claudia to communicate in various ways across the course of the season.

The situation is urgent, and you're worried I'm not treating it that way.

Terry consistently having clear communication is also something that puts him in direct contrast to Aaravos, who is a master manipulator and very careful liar-not-liar in his own way. Terry is always open and while thoughtful does not really bottle things up; he communicates clearly with other people and is comfortable doing so, and is very good at validating others as well. Whenever he does push against Claudia, he always clearly explains why he's doing so or why he disagrees but leaves the choice of what to do next in making amends or carrying on up to her. Aaravos, meanwhile, continually withholds or omits information, and presents things in certain ways in order to get, well, his way.

I don't have as much to say for season six, given that Terry is only in about half the season (6x01, 6x03, 6x04, 6x08, 6x09) and one of those is entirely silent. I'd say his main idea in s6, like s4 with identity and s5 with communication, would be the theme of Questioning (scaffolded under 'supportive'). He's supportive of Viren and Claudia's searches for meaning alongside his own increase questioning of what they and Aaravos are doing and why. I'll be curious to see what his main character beat may be in s7 going forward.

Conclusion

There's more I could talk about with Terry (Viren dreaming in 5x03 of chasing after Claudia only for her not to listen, only for Terry to live out that worst fear in 6x01 directly, for example) but I think for now these are the main things I wanted to discuss without going further into speculation than I already have. I hope this maybe brought a new perspective or appreciation for Terry as a character and for his arc in the show so far! As always, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy.

[hg-aneh]

Hi! I absolutely love all of your art and I’ve been fallowing you for awhile! There’s been some rumors that you ship Muriel x crowley?? Which I guess is an odd paring but nothing terrible wrong with, I was just curious if you do ship them.

Thank you for all your wonderful art <3

okay, i want to preface this by saying that I've already been harassed over this to the point of being called a lowkey pedophile and having every little move of mine scrutinized and misconstrued to sickening extents (this harassment spilled over to my partner too, and it was horrible)

so all anyone would do by doing this again would be repeating history, among other things that have to do with fucking up my already frail mental state

now.

onto the meat

yes, I ship it

no, I do not see Muriel as a child, kid, teenager, or anything of the sort and I find it personally distasteful to think of doing so because infantilizing autistic traits rubs me the wrong way (p e r s o n a l l y)

you can do it if you want to, I have worse things to worry about than a random person on the internet thinking something of a fictional character, just don't try to push your headcanon onto me just because you perceive it that way or because it's a popular dynamic that you find fun

adding onto this, i want to add that i will never and i mean fucking NEVER post anything related to that ship outside of the very specific private Xitter account i created for it

(and my personal facebook, on a friends only setting)

any Muriel & Crowley content outside of that account is all platonic and bla bla you get the gist. I can separate things, what a talent.

Now, I'm being overly paranoid and explaining myself to exhaustion over this for a very good reason and it's because last time someone found out about it ((yes we're going full circle to the beginning of this little bible)) they treated it as some sort of GOTCHA moment about me being a pedo ((and if you didn't know this already: I fucking despise children with my whole being, I'd rather be forcefed alligator shit for my whole life than be with one of those creatures for a single day))

It got to the point of that person making extremely hurtful videos about me and their little friend group comprised of goober eating toddlers joining in on the "Hater" train or whatever the hell that new cultural trend is called, as well

It was hell, that whole experience fucked me up BAD and i feel silly for saying this but it was genuinely traumatic! So- I apologize if I'm sounding confrontational here, anon, but like, this is the type of thing you have to do to keep yourself safe now, it's gone to that point and I'm in hysterics now because what the fuck

Lastly, I'd like to say this one other thing

Muriel is played by an adult actress, they are canonically the same age as Aziraphale and Crowley and are also an eldritch creature just like them

The fact that they're nice and bubbly and happen to have autistic traits doesn't suddenly make them a fetus. I have friends with the same personality type as them and I feel like it'd be dumb to treat them like zygotes knowing they're adults with body hair and debt

Again, if you see them as one, I'm literally no one to judge, I'm 1.49, you're better off taking judgement from a stupid lone penguin in the saharan desert.

But don't fuck with others for thinking otherwise, it's not a moral issue to disagree with a headcanon, please. 🥲

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Im thinking color thoughts again

After years in a controlled, monotonous environment, exposure to light, sound, smells, and movement would be overwhelming.

Bright sunlight could be physically painful. Noises might feel unbearably loud, and unfamiliar smells could trigger confusion or distress. He might instinctively cover his “ears,” shield his eye, or freeze in response to sensory stimuli.

He might struggle to process or make sense of his surroundings, leading to feelings of dizziness, nausea, or a sense of the world spinning out of control.

After decades of emotional suppression, he might feel emotionally “flat,” unable to process the gravity of his freedom. A hyper-pragmatic, survival-focused mental state may persist, where emotions are seen as a distraction from staying alive.

He might respond mechanically, focusing on immediate needs like finding shelter, avoiding perceived threats, or hiding.

Freedom might feel hollow or meaningless at first, as his emotional range is muted by trauma.He might be consumed by the belief that whatever kept him confined is pursuing him.

That can be some type of personification of the Void itself, or related to paranoia about Gaster—especially if, given survivor’s guilt if Gaster didn’t also get out/potential lingering episodes of psychosis/the whole “scattered across time and space” thing—Color sees, hears, or feels like Gaster is watching him. This could also be about the human, as the cause for why Color was sent to the Void.

He would constantly look over his shoulder, avoid open spaces, or refuse to trust anyone he encounters. Decades of captivity and isolation would condition him to be acutely aware of potential threats.

Any sudden movement, loud noise, or unfamiliar person might trigger a fight-or-flight response. His isolation would leave him unaccustomed to social interaction, making him wary or outright hostile toward others.

He might assume that anyone offering help has ulterior motives, even as the souls urge or think differently and disagree with him and amongst themselves.

He might believe he is being watched or that his escape was a trap, or even that Core or Delta is somehow malicious —such as starting to get paranoid that they’re keeping him trapped in a hospital, facility, the apartment, the Omega Timeline, etc, and will not let him leave.

After prolonged isolation, he might feel as though the world outside his confinement isn’t real. Everything might seem dreamlike, distant, or too strange to trust. Years of neglect, isolation, and trauma would erode his sense of self—on top of the six souls.

He might struggle with questions like “Who am I now?” or “Am I even real?”

He might not recognize himself in reflective surfaces due to his physical transformation.

After years in a predictable environment, the freedom of the outside world might feel chaotic and overwhelming. Decisions like where to go or what to do next could trigger paralyzing anxiety.

Sights, sounds, or situations that resemble him of the Void (e.g., dark rooms, confined spaces, the souls’ voices, Gasters), might provoke panic attacks or flashbacks.

Prolonged isolation may have stunted emotional and social development, causing him to regress to a more childlike state—on top of already having the absorbed souls of dead children in his head.

He might cling to anything that feels safe or familiar, such as routines or objects. His immediate concerns might revolve around basic needs like food, warmth, and safety, without higher-level goals or ambitions.

He might wonder why he survived or escaped. while others didn’t or question whether he deserved freedom or to live, in case of something having happened to his AU, Othertale, and him being among the only survivors.

His physical disfigurement and changes might cause extreme self-consciousness, leading him to avoid mirrors, cover himself, or hide from others—only to find the fear of being alone again to suffocating to bear, often drawn back to people even if it’s overwhelming and painful.

After years of predictable confinement, he might crave structure and routine, even if it’s harmful or unnecessary to him, his body, or the souls.

He could re-create elements of his confinement environment (e.g., sitting in the dark, avoiding large spaces) as a coping mechanism. The endless choices and lack of external control in freedom might feel terrifying, making him retreat into old habits or behaviors.

Despite his fear and trauma, he might experience brief moments of wonder at the outside world, like noticing a bird, a sunset, or fresh air. The stars, definitely—might make him feel faintly connected to who he was before.

These small moments could create a faint spark of hope or connection. Over time, he might begin searching for a reason to live, whether through connecting with others, rebuilding his identity, or finding a sense of purpose.

He might refuse to speak or make eye contact with others, cling to familiar objects, such as remnants of clothing or tools from the Void, hide or avoid open spaces, possibly curling into small, enclosed areas for comfort, startle easily or react aggressively to perceived threats, hoard food, water, or other supplies, even if unnecessary, and repeat patterns or behaviors from captivity, such as pacing or muttering or hugging himself and rubbing or tightly gripping his arms.

Having his entire existence and memory erased from his original universe would create a profound sense of being “unreal” or “nonexistent.”

Color may struggle to reconcile the person he was before the risky action (and subsequent confinement in the Void) with the new version of himself, who has no history or identity in the present world.

This sense of erasure would likely lead to feelings of alienation, as he tries to grasp at who he was before but finds nothing. He may feel that he no longer “belongs” in the world he’s returned to.

The fact that Undyne has taken his place would compound feelings of irrelevance. Color might feel that his entire existence has been supplanted, not only losing his physical and emotional self but also the role he once held. Undyne may seem to have lived his life, possibly even fulfilling his dreams or wishes, leaving Color with no real purpose or place.

Jealousy or resentment might arise towards the one Undyne, but there may also be feelings of guilt or shame for being unable to occupy the role he once had. Given that he never planned to survive his initial risky action, he might now view survival as a curse rather than a gift.

Survivor’s Guilt could be compounded by the feeling that he didn’t deserve to survive—especially if he didn’t want to in the first place. This could manifest in a profound self-loathing or hopelessness, as he might feel that he has no real reason to exist anymore, as everything he once was is gone and replaced.

The combination of feeling erased, irrelevant, and deeply alienated from both the past and present might drive him to believe that he would be better off dead.

The internal narrative of “I didn’t expect to live through this, and I don’t want to now” would dominate his thoughts. This mindset could make him highly susceptible to self-destructive behavior, suicidal ideation, or an overwhelming sense of numbness.

Color might feel that death is the only way to regain control or escape the unbearable confusion of living in someone else’s life and universe—or in the case of having gone to the Omega Timeline with Core, perhaps feeling trapped in a promise to live for Gaster, and feeling out of place in an unfamiliar, alien world that doesn’t feel real.

The thought of trying to live in the world again might feel unbearable. The freedom he now possesses could feel more like a trap rather than a release.

The disconnection from his former life and the overwhelming nature of his new reality could cause intense episodes of derealization (feeling that the world is unreal) and depersonalization (feeling detached from his own body or actions).

He might not feel like he belongs in the present, or like he is watching his life happen from outside his body. This would be especially intense if his memories of the past are vague or erased, leaving him confused about his own existence.

He may have flashes of who he was before captivity—moments of fragmented memories or emotional triggers—but these would be disconnected, coming in bursts or waves.

The attempt to piece together these fragments might bring up anger, confusion, or sorrow, and he might find it difficult to trust those memories, wondering whether they were real or just constructs of his fractured mind.

He might feel like a stranger in his own life, as if relationships and connections are meaningless because he wasn’t meant to be part of this reality.

Rejection of new bonds could be a defense mechanism, as he might push people away, not wanting to form attachments only to lose them again—or because he sees no point in having relationships when he wasn’t supposed to survive.

To avoid feeling completely alone and disconnected, he might linger on the outskirts of groups—and if he does form any connections, he’s like to cling to these and the memories formed, experiences had, extremely intensely.

His family or loved moving on with their lives without him, especially with someone else taking his place, Color might feel resentment towards them for “forgetting” him or moving on—struggling to come to terms with something he’s unlikely to find closure on with them personally.

He might feel abandoned, seeing an Undyne as something of an intruder, but also feel guilty for resenting people who likely had no choice in the matter. This dynamic would further fuel feelings of alienation.

To cope with his overwhelming emotions and the internal void, Color might turn to self-harm, whether physical or emotional.

He might seek out dangerous situations or even engage in reckless behavior to feel something, because emotional numbness and an inability to feel or process anything might make him feel even more disconnected from the world.

The desire to escape the world or the emotions he can’t face might lead to a retreat into isolation, where he might try to avoid dealing with the overwhelming pressure of his existence.

He might shut himself off from any emotional or physical closeness with others, trying to protect himself from the pain of remembering his old life or facing their new, unrecognizable role in the world—clinging tightly onto the very few connections he manages to form, and being drawn to people and social events to stave off his horror of being or feeling alone again—searching for a reason or a point to continue living when he’s been forgotten, and likely feels it’ll happen again, if he’s so easily forgettable and replaceable as the Void made him feel.

Despite the overwhelming hopelessness, there might be flickers of desire to find meaning in their new life. He might seek out the reason for their survival, questioning if there’s something they’re meant to do now.

He might latch onto any small fragment of hope or purpose—helping others, trying to reclaim his lost identity, or discovering a new role to play in a world that no longer has a place for him.

[hyperactivewhore]

hi I love your blog we have very much the same opinions in everything except klamille is my favourite klaus ship and klaurora is second

I have been trying to enjoying klaus fics or any tvdu fics on wattpad but every thing I have read so far doenst show the characters accurately which is very annoying

I was hoping and want to request if you could give me some recommendations on fics on wattpad that are good. (Mainly klaus but any love interest would be good)

could you please give a short summary/review so far of any recommendation you give so I don’t waste time starting one only to not like ir

sorry if I am sounding rude English is not my first language but I can read it fully thank I you very much

Don't worry, you're not sounding rude at all, if anything you actually sound really sweet. I'm glad we share some opinions and I'm really honored you came to me for some suggestions.

I haven't read long fanfictions in a while outside works in ao3, I left Wattpad a few time ago but I'll still try my best, tho I'm not very good at giving summaries. Fair warning these are mainly fanfics I've read in Archive of Our Own, not Wattpad, but I hope it's not a problem. If it annoys you, send me an ask and I'll give you some Wattpad recommendations!

Patisserie (ao3, poly Mikaelson siblings x original female character, no incest) by @wickedlyemma:

Stats: (published: 2020-12-29), (completed: 2023-03-12), (words: 154,943), (chapters: 45/45), (comments: 4,385), (kudos: 8,469), (bookmarks: 1,799), (hits: 279,967)

Tags: Polyamory, Sugar Daddy, Self-Indulgent, Explicit Sexual Content, No Incest, Slow Burn, Not Canon Compliant

Summary:

I think we've all read those kind of tvdu fanfics where the main character is a teenager, usually related to the Gilbert or the Forbes, still in high school and who suddenly stops trying to make a life for herself just because she gets dragged into the supernatural world. Well, Patisserie is the opposite of that. For once, the main character isn't a teen but an adult around her twenties, who works at a bakery and is completely unaware of the supernatural world until Klaus decides to change that.

The slow burn is is truly worthy of a chef's kiss, the way the author describes and writes the Mikaelson is just so on point it hurts. Their family dynamic is so entertaining to watch, but it's as fucked up as it is in the show, which it's something not many authors can accomplish. The way they behave around the main character, a simple human, it's so amusing because they truly know nothing despite their age and she's just so easy to relate to, because for once the oc is not ridiculously overpowered.

The way we perceive the Mikaelson and the vampire world from a human pov is truly interesting, how she copes with all of it and eventually learns to love all of them individually while being aware of the danger is so well done. Kol and her, as well as her relationship with Klaus, are particularly interesting to read, especially considering how they all behaved around her at the beginning and especially because both of them are the most dangerous members of their family. They are all selfish creatures, and I love how it shows the more their relationships with her develop.

Apotheosis (ao3, Klaus x original female character) by atriums;

Stats: (published: 2022-01-01), (completed: 2022-12-13), (words: 158,264), (chapters: 31/31), (comments: 606), (kudos: 1,817), (bookmarks: 491), (hits: 69,472)

Tags: POV Alternating, Minor Original Character(s), Minor Character Death, Canonical Character Death, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sex, Sexual Content, Devoted Reader, Author Rejects Canon and Substitutes It with Their Own, Cannibalistic Werewolf Cults, Nobody Is Good But Also Nobody Is Evil, These Characters are Flawed and Problematic (Probably), This Fic is Not a Bastion for Healthy Characters and Relationships, Reader/OC Especially, Reader/OC can be any ethnicity

Summary;

You know those fanfics who fix (almost) everything problematic in canon? Apotheosis does exactly that. In this story, Klaus isn't a complete irredeemable character for once, but he also isn't half as bad as his canon version, and due to the oc being a werewolf, this fanfic does expand on his werewolf side a little more than The Vampire Diaries or The Originals ever did. His family and him actually have a healthy bond, and Finn gets the recognition he deserves for once.

The story is set in season three of TVD, exactly when Klaus and Stefan are trying to make hybrids for his pack, and in a ironic plot twist, Klaus decides to take you with him when you're still a werewolf after you say you're not worthy to be a hybrid, at least not yet.

Her devotion to him is completely endearing and I absolutely love how Klaus actually cares for his pack, especially because they're all canonical characters who were killed way too quickly. Her relationships with the members of their pack are so well written, and this fanfic it's the perfect mix of humour and seriousness. It has a ongoing sequel, which I just adore. I warn you though, all the characters have several differences from their canon versions.

Twisted Obsession (fanfiction.net, Klaus x original female character) by rocket-queen98;

Stats: Originals, M, English, Romance & Angst, chapters: 16, words: 59k+, favs: 1k+, follows: 1k+, updated: May 6, 2023 published: Aug 13, 2016, [Klaus M., OC] Elijah M., Hope M.

Summary;

Lola is one of the most adorable mc I've read. She is human and around nineteen, if I remember correctly, and just a sweet girl and adorable. She's introduced into the supernatural world thanks to baby Hope, who is just the cutest, due to her needing a mother figure now that Hayley wasn't present in her life thanks to the curse placed on her.

Her relationship with Hope is my favorite part of the whole fanfic. She doesn't suddenly turn into her mother, she doesn't intend to either, but rather becomes her best friend and Klaus and her develop a bond thanks to this. The way father and daughter interact is so heartwarming too, the subtle hints of them being werewolves, and seeing a main character having a good relationship with her father for once is a good turn, especially in tvd fanfics.

It's clear Klaus and Lola have something going on, even if they won't admit out loud, but for some reason the people around them give the impression they don't actually want them to date. There is implications something more fucked up than usual is going on with Klaus and his relationships, and I'm pretty sure him and Cami were a thing in this fic too. Surprisingly, Hayley and Cami aren't turned into absolute bitches, but there is Jackson bashing though.

The Girl in the Forest (fanfiction.net, Klaus x original female character) by noblecrescent;

Stats: Originals, T, English, Mystery & Romance, chapters: 30, words: 311k+, favs: 232, follows: 176, updated: Feb 19, 2017 published: Jan 23, 2016, [Klaus M., OC] [Elijah M., Camille O'Connell]

Summary;

This fanfic is a tetralogy of books set in The Originals, I read those fanfics a while ago so forgive me for any mistake. Maleny is a witch who was cursed, if I remember correctly, and was constantly body-jumping every short time.

In one of her lives, she met Klaus and they fell in love, but she died, if I'm not wrong, and they end up meeting again in New Orleans time later where he has a child on the way and a kingdom to conquer.

I can't remember a lot more without giving you spoilers, but it's worth checking it out!

Now, I'll give no more summaries because I honestly don't remember a lot of the next fanfics, but it's your choice if you want to read them;

A Veil Between Love and Hate (fanfiction.net, Klaus x original female character) by MandalorianHybrid;

Stats: Originals, T, English, chapters: 57, words: 200k+, favs: 609, follows: 359, updated: Sep 15, 2019 published: Jan 30, 2014, [Klaus M., OC]

Summary; Another five books set in The Vampire Diaries, with a story that eventually moves to The Originals.

Allure (wattpad, Klaus x oc x Stefan) by @viavolterra;

Stats: 575k Readings, 20,5k Votes, 34 Chapters

Summary;

I just could not not recommend this fanfic. Mia comes to Mystic Falls to seek revenge after Damon kills her best friend Lexi, but she of course gets dragged by the problems in that little town.

The thing I like the most about Via's story is how there is no cliché: no bashing towards Tyler or Elena, Mia actually befriends them, Bonnie gets the recognition and love she deserves, Klaus doesn't suddenly turn into a different person just because he loves the oc, he continues to be a piece of shit, and how sweet and empathetic she is, not like those reused badass mc who are just rude.

I would recommend some more, but it's kinda hard to find fanfics with a good Klaus depiction. I'm pretty sure I left out a lot of amazing fanfics, though.

[genderkoolaid]

Hi!

I (24 nb) am having a serious issue with girls my age being quite misandric and using radfem rhetoric in their speech.

The issue is I understand their fear and mistrust of men in patriarchy and with many of them having horror stories to share about bad heterosexual relationships. But i am deeply uncomfortable with misandry and i don't know how to effectively point out that no it's not good feminism to hate on men.

Do you have any resources you could recommend me to build a good argument? I want to be prepared for this kind of discussion because it keeps happening more and more frequently.

I know it's not the main topic you cover on your blog but as it is closely related to transandrophobia I was hoping you (or your followers) could still give me some advice.

I wish you a wonderful day

My advice would be to start with talking about the negative impact of misandry on women first (although don't use the word misandry, at least at first). Starting off with "it hurts men" in any regard will likely not go over well, but if you first bring up the issue in relation to a group they already really care about, they'll be more likely to listen. Also, I would reaffirm that having trauma or bad associations with men isn't the problem, they aren't obligated to associate with men in ways that make them uncomfortable or exhausted, and that they have a right to feel their emotions, be angry, be annoyed, etc. Affirm that your concern is with how their actions and attitudes could be causing real harm to others, and that anger being valid does not mean you don't need to take responsibility for how you choose to act.

Some potential talking points:

When women are perceived as manly or masculine, they tend to get viewed with the worst traits of masculinity: butches and trans women are seen as aggressive, violent predators who prey on sweet, feminine straight/cis women. The patriarchy doesn't just hurt women through their femininity, but through their (real or perceived masculinity as well.

Even inside queer spaces, butches are expected to fulfill toxic masculinity: they are expected to be sexually dominant tops, not be emotionally or physically "weak," not do feminine things, etc. Butches can get ridiculed by others, even partners, for not fulfilling these things. Things like balding and small penises, that are traditionally seen as failures of masculinity in the patriarchy, are also made fun of in queer spaces; it seems like queer spaces have issues with how they deal with (real or perceived) masculinity.

When spaces make jokes about hating men, put a lot of emphasis on gatekeeping men, etc., it makes it a lot harder for trans women and nonbinary people assigned male feel safe. Some trans women & genderqueers might not realize their gender because they are kept out of spaces that could've helped them realize because of how queer & feminist spaces act regarding men. Butch trans women and genderqueers often face heightened scrutiny because of their masculinity, from both inside and outside their communities. (Also, send them this article.)

^ As a result of all of that, maybe we need to be more careful with how we think and talk about masculinity. It seems like we are reusing a lot of negative patriarchal stereotypes about men & masculinity in ways which hurt marginalized people the most.

From there, you can bring up marginalized men: you can talk about how trans men, multigender/nonbinary men, men of color, Jewish men, fat men, disabled men, etc. are negatively affected by negative patriarchal stereotypes about men & masculinity- I emphasis that because its how I would go about referring to "misandry" or "antimasculism" without actually using a word. Since misandry (and anything that sounds similar) is such a trigger word for many, its important to set the foundation that there is a big difference between the MRA concept of misandry, and the transunitist concept of misandry. Transunitist misandry focuses on how sexism & genderism* is used to target marginalized groups (specifically trans* people). Transunitist misandry does not say that misogyny doesn't exist, or that men are oppressed in the exact same way women are; its saying that the patriarchy (as a part of kyriarchy) uses gender and sex to harm not just marginalized women, but marginalized men too.

My goal with this would be to introduce and try to convince them of the idea that Misandry Is Harmful Maybe, and then once they realize how its harmful, bring up the idea that this kind of stuff needs to be named. Once they generally agree with these ideas, I think it will be much easier to help them understand why misandry is bad even beyond marginalized men: because the patriarchy relies on harmful ideas and expectations for men, even as (dominant/non-marginalized) men have a different place and more rewards; because liberationist feminism must be concerned with universal liberation, and that means it must be concerned with everyone's wellbeing and liberation; because we cannot disnantle the master's house with the master's tools, and letting any patriarchal thinking in poisons the well of your feminist praxis; because it just makes you a meaner and shittier person. In my experience people who think in the ways you described are resistant (not necessarily for bad reasons) to any kind of criticism towards sexism/genderism towards men, so my tactic would be starting with areas (like women) that they are concerned with not hurting and show how misandry hurts that group. Connecting the harm of this way of thinking to something they care about is going to make them more open to seeing it as an issue in general.

*I use "sexism" to describe the system of oppression based on physical sex, and "genderism" to describe the system of oppression based on gender identity/presentation/roles.

[honeycreammilkshake]

Yuji can finally have his own Human Earthworm with blobkuna haha

it seems to me that gege is really fond of metaphors and stories within stories, so i took a closer look at the human earthworm series that was given to us in the anime/manga and i found a lot of interesting things that, as usual, i'm going to turn into a sukuita essay. (sorry for the overly long rant coming up, anon ;-;)

the basic plot of the 4th movie is that an ordinary man is transformed into a half-worm, half-human creature by an evil scientist/doctor. the human earthworm manages to escape but is forced to hide from the outside world as he will be perceived as a monster because of his appearance. however, his hiding place also enables him to meet an animal rights activist who ends up falling in love with him. she is a very understanding, compassionate, and empathetic person (remind you of someone?) and although she is scared of him at first, she looks past his "monstrous appearance" to find the true person within, and he is ultimately more human than other humans are.

in the end, though, he is killed by the girl's friends, who only see a monster. before they attack him, though, she tells them that they will be the monsters for killing him.

this theme of the humans being more monstrous than the actual monsters themselves, such as in literature like frankenstein by mary shelley or the metamorphosis by franz kafka, is a theme used to invert and reframe the popular myths and stories of monsters both looking abnormal and being unnatural.

so... what does this mean in relation to sukuna and yuuji's story?

i think it's pretty clear that sukuna was perceived as monstrous from his birth onward. in historical japan, during the heian era, there was a lot of conflict between different religions and very rapid changes in culture and lifestyles as people began breaking away from chinese influences. this era is sometimes called the "golden age of the imperial court" because of the court's growing power and cultural prosperity, and a lot of this power resided with the Fujiwara clan who had intermarried with the imperials. however, for the majority of ordinary people, this era saw a lot of suffering, hardships, low quality of life, and a high infant mortality rate.

sukuna was born into this starving world and would have died had he not eaten his twin in the womb. but he was unwanted and unwelcome from the moment he was born. i've written this before (so i'm sorry if it's getting a bit repetitive) but i think a lot of fans don't realize how much more demanding and cruel life was during this time (compared to modern day japan) in terms of life expectancy and quality. and those factors shaped sukuna into what he is, or at least make up a part of his becoming a monster.

in sukuna's own words his existence itself is anathema. the literal definition of this is "vehement disliking" and is a synonym of abhorrent. in religious usage it means "exclusion from the society of the faithful because of heresy" and it is described as being "cursed."

sukuna was perceived as being a curse before he even became cursed objects. whether or not he was born with extra limbs and/or lots of cursed energy, he was still seen as something unnatural and inhuman.

in other words, his unusual appearance and origin is monstrous to others. and i think he took this to heart and decided to just go with it, because he refuses to be seen as human by anyone even though he was in fact born one. he would rather be feared and despised as an imaginary demon than treated like a real person who was essentially cast out of the normal world.

but yuuji doesn't treat sukuna like just another monster in the end. instead, he offers him such selfless acceptance and honest empathy. and i don't think sukuna can take something like that.

sukuna is very aware of his own nature. he seems really proud to be an unfeeling, indifferent entity of chaos.

hm.....

lots of thoughts on this one panel alone. but i'll try to keep my ideas short. i believe that sukuna embraced what others saw as his "cursed nature" and became the strongest so he could be above all the hatred and ignorance that made others perceive him as being a monster. so he matched his actions to what people feared from him.

he became the monster so he could look down on those same people and also so he could isolate himself from ever being affected by those feelings again. after all, those others are nothing more than weak prey who shouldn't lament their own suffering, just like he shouldn't lament being seen as cursed from birth on. just like he claims he isn't lonely because only the most selfish can be on top.

but still. people want to destroy him for just being the role they more than likely forced him into. he never became more than what people saw him as, and yet they still hate him.

he claims to be above that hatred, but i think it might actually get to him. while else would he reflect so much on it during his fight with yuuji. yuuji, who he lived inside of, who he looks down on for being "weak" because he is far too emotional and caring for others, yet that's one of the biggest reasons for yuuji's strength. strength sukuna tries to undervalue because he can't stand the idea that strength can ever be compassionate as well.

yuuji hates sukuna's ideals and his indifference to the value of life. but he still accepts sukuna. he sees past the monstrous appearance and realizes sukuna was made into a monster by chance. what if someone was there for him, like wasuke was there for yuuji? even though wasuke still pushed yuuji away and was all that yuuji had, he still kept yuuji tethered to being a good person and caring for others. wasuke served as both a lesson in what not to become and a reminder for yuuji to realize the importance of life.

sukuna probably didn't have that, or if he was given that chance, it was far too late for him.

yuuji actually wanted to live with sukuna. he wanted to the animal rights activist to sukuna's worm monster, but in the end, sukuna chose death.

the humans killed the monster they made, yet again. sukuna would rather live and die as a curse than be anything different. yuuji loved him even as a worm, but sukuna couldn't take it.

and yuuji looks so heart-broken and disappointed for it.

also. i didn't notice this until now. but yuuji cradles sukuna's remains so so gently... in the hand that looks monstrous.

monster to monster. yet yuuji was so tender. he didn't seek to mock sukuna. instead, he said that they were the same. that sukuna is him.

yuuji was created for the purpose of housing sukuna inside of him, for being his vessel. he was made into a "monster" but instead of letting that turn him into something evil, he used his abilities to save other people. and he even wanted sukuna to come back to him!!!

again, i'm sorry for making this into yet another paper-long incoherent rant. i probably should have stuck to my original reply which was "sad we couldn't see their halfling children ;-;" but then this happened instead. thank you for bearing with me if you read through the mess of my thoughts. ty for your wonderful ask anon <3

[seventeenlovesthree]

Hikari's stance on the other Chosen Children

... is, in most cases, even more difficult to tell than it's the case with her brother, but since she's won the poll alongside Koushirou, let's try this!

Taichi

It shouldn't come as a surprise that we get most insight into how she feels about her brother throughout the entirety of the series. Similarly to how he idealized her, she was also very prone to putting him on a pedestal (and probably still does to a degree). And it's understandable, since he used to take care of her when they were toddlers, (over)protected and shielded her from harm while she had developed a complex of not wanting to burden anyone with her own troubles (and weaker constitution). Especially not Taichi, whom she relied and hyperfocused on (to the point of almost destroying the Digital World) a lot. As she grows older, however, it becomes apparent that she tries to distinguish herself from outside influences - such as getting possessed by Homeostasis and thinking that she has to depend on Taichi for support. Of course she will always love and adore him most out of (literally) everyone, but it's good to see her developing more casual behaviours with him. Plus, since she deduces his moods so often, she also seems to have developed a habit of wanting to protect, guide and nudge him as his own issues seem to bubble to the surface more with age. [How I see their general dynamic]

Yamato

This is a tough one, as these two rarely interact and we don't really hear how she feels or thinks about Yamato. Judging by their interaction patterns, I would assume this to be a projective relationship - she may be able to see his similarities to Taichi more than their differences and is thus likely to perceive him as a brotherly figure as well.

Sora

Considering that Sora is one of Taichi's oldest friends, at least the novel and PSP game heavily imply that Hikari had known her prior to becoming Chosen Children. However, similarly to Yamato, due to their lack of interactions, we don't really know how deep their bond goes; Sora (alongside Takeru) was the one who took Hikari under her wing while she was sick in the Digital World and it may be assumed that Hikari looks up to her at least a little bit - but aside from them comfortably joking in 02, there isn't much in the text. [How I see their ship compatibility]

Koushirou

Just like with Sora, we'd have to look at the PSP game to get a glimpse of how Hikari may feel about Koushirou - because even though, once again, we have a situation where she should be somewhat familiar with one of Taichi's closest friends, the series doesn't dwell on it. 02 provides several instances where she smiles at his antics - or, like in the case above, is somewhat embarrassed by them. Which is actually a positive thing, seeing how she's able to express her true emotions towards him. The PSP game implies that she may relate to him in a few aspects despite their contrasts - and that she seems very giddy to talk to him about it. [How I see their ship compatibility]

Mimi

Similar to her interactions with Yamato, Hikari doesn't get many opportunities to talk to Mimi; in Tri, she mainly tags along while Mimi focuses on (teasing) Sora. However, considering that they seem to stay in touch in 02, are familiar with each other's career paths and team up to get Sora to come out of her shell in the stageplay - it is very likely that they're closer than the first glance suggests. (Plus, their quarrels in the audio drama revolving around Mimi being jealous of Hikari can be considered non-canon anyway!)

Jyou

The pattern continues, as Adventure onwards doesn't give Hikari many chances to talk to or interact with Jyou. 02 suggests that she thinks of him as "conscientious and sincere" (we will get to that later!). However, one of their most notable interactions in Tri has her acting exactly like that towards him, reminding him that it didn't matter why they were chosen - thus basically mirroring the things that she assumably learned from him once. In general, it can be assumed that she absolutely considers him to be reliable and helpful - as they are seen plotting to get Taichi to join them for their camp adventure together in the stageplay. (Even if she may find his methods questionable...)

Takeru

Aside from Taichi, Takeru is definitely the person Hikari becomes emotionally the closest with - and, again, it makes sense, seeing how they're not only the same age, both younger siblings of older brothers and both fated to be partners of angelic Digimon, who have seen death and destruction. At the start, seeing as Takeru is tasked to take care of her, Hikari easily looks to him for support. And even though she still has troubles opening up and be honest with him about all her worries and complexes, there is a strong sense of familiarity between them (and even though she does rely on him, he obviously wishes she'd depend on him more; it can be assumed that she doesn't aim to get overprotected again and would rather learn to see herself as equal to Takeru). As they grow older, they're often seen glued to each other - and she also becomes more and more comfortable teasing and joking around with him. There is a certain theme of her realizing that he's "grown up", noticing him as such in Tri - one could say, there are very complicated emotions of adolescents at play that are not easily put into words for either of them. And so, the nature of their relationship doesn't really fit a clear category, which continues to be the case as they become - comfortably close - adults as well. [How I see their ship compatibility]

Daisuke

At the beginning of 02, there is somewhat of a discrepancy between these two; it's quite obvious to everyone with eyes that Daisuke has a crush on Hikari and thus also acts very antagonistically towards Takeru - and while she nonchalantly and gracefully ignores the former with a smile, trying to stay polite without hurting his feelings, she absolutely cannot stand it when he does the latter, so she calls him out on it. Which, again, shows that she becomes more of her own person to stand her ground - but it also means that, again, their relationship starts off as rather rocky. Hikari is able to see the good in everyone - and thus, once Daisuke stops trying to impress her and focuses on more important things, letting his own kindness shine through, she immediately becomes softer towards him. Their conversations become more meaningful, she becomes more comfortable praising and gently encouraging him, showing that she does, indeed, value his good heart and his general attitude of never giving up. [How I see their general dynamic]

Ken

Hikari has very strong opinions on injustice and the power of darkness - so her being very strict about defeating the Digimon Kaiser and reluctant about forgiving Ken afterwards makes perfect sense. But, just like it's the case with Daisuke, she is capable of seeing the good in every person's heart - and once she notices his will to repent, once she realizes they have a similar connection to the Dark Ocean, her empathizing nature comes through. She begins acting softer and encouraging towards him, wanting him to thrive and become his own person eventually as well. [How I see their ship compatibility]

Miyako

Hikari and Miyako do not start off as particularly close at the beginning of 02 - which may make sense due to their contrasting personalities. However, as time goes on and they end up stuck in the world of darkness together, Hikari confesses that she felt envious of Miyako for being able to openly admit when she's scared or in pain. Through her interactions with Taichi and Takeru, we know that Hikari struggles with being honest about her own needs - and thanks to her being honest with Miyako, thanks to Miyako believing in her in return, their growing familiarity helps Hikari to slowly and steadily grow more comfortable with herself, keeping the Dark Ocean at bay. Despite Miyako being older than herself, it also seems like she's naturally acting as a guiding figure towards her, helping her to get through the more traumatizing aspects of being a Chosen Child. [How I see their ship compatibility]

Iori

Hikari and Iori don't get to interact with each other a lot, so estimating their stance on one another is difficult. However, she does confirm that she sees some of Jyou's best qualities in him, such as being conscientious and sincere - which, considering how he's now the youngest of the team like she used to be, is definitely worth praising.

[yzy-dragon]

I absolutely ADORED S2E9 "Three Stories" of Link Click and was a bit surprised to see the discontent here on Tumblr, and I totally understand the reasons why people didn't like it, especially in the context of the pacing of the rest of S2 (which I also have some opinions on but I won't talk about that here), but I also felt the need to just get my heart out why I love it so much. A bit of background, I'm Chinese American but have lived in and visited China numerous times.

Music and theater. As a western classical musician and an amateur Chinese opera singer enthusiast (I saw someone else post about the possible inspo this episode got from Chinese opera), I VIBED with the artistic direction of this episode SO much. The three-part structure was almost like a sonata/symphony (and remember that one scene where Qian Jin was air-conducting in a previous episode!!) or scene changes in a Chinese opera. Nothing needs to be said about the animation style that hasn't been said already, but I like how scenes from the three individual "stories" were interwoven and reused like leitmotifs. Especially that crazy, tortured laughter. Idk if any of the parallels were intentional on the part of the director, but it's what I got from it due to my personal experiences. I know that's a highly subjective takeaway though, which brings me to my next point....

Qian Jin's "tragic" backstory. I know a lot of people were upset that the extent of Qian Jin's tragic backstory was "oh his wife cheated on him", but I think the "basicness" of his struggles was the whole point (by the way, this segment displayed various attitudes towards work, family, marriage, individual pride, and life in mainland China so subtly but so well!). I also don't think sympathy was the main thing we were supposed to feel for him, although of course there is some. The whole "tragicomedy" aspect of Qian Jin's story is that it's not some horrible, terrible, rare thing that happened to him, but a common problem faced by so many hardworking but busy married men trying to provide for their families: infidelity. But Qian Jin sees himself as the main character of an elaborate play that rivals the great dramatic classics (which, funnily enough, often depicted very DRAMATIZED versions of a rather basic series of events). And his viewpoint is validated when....

Qian Jin meets the twins. That segment is still largely from Qian Jin's perspective, because we still don't really know how LTC and LTX even feel about him. But for Qian Jin, it's a stroke of fate and fortune that could only possibly happen in theater. He's very far removed from reality at this point. Reality is that a cop whose job it is to investigate violent crime comes across two kids who are the victims of a violent crime. Again, nothing particularly special or even coincidential. It's comical like that.

The fairy tale section.  Unlike the first two, I think this segment is from Xixi’s perspective, which not only justifies the cartoony artstyle but also makes it heartbreaking, due to her childlike innocence.  Like Qian Jin, she also perceives her reality as something it’s not, but unlike him, she doesn’t have delusions of grandeur of being a tragic protagonist.  It’s just a little fox trying to survive in a forest full of predators and hunters.  

All that tortured laughter. I’ve actually noticed in a lot of Chinese media that they like to use laughter as a way of signifying a person’s complete mental breakdown due to the tragedies they’ve suffered.  It’s a very internal thing that has people on the outside going, “WTF?”  In this episode we have a lot of characters crazily laughing together at the same time and it seems like they’re relating to each other, but in reality they’re all trapped in their own nightmarish hells and motivated by selfish purposes. 

Back to the topic of Qian Jin, even though he (innaccurately) may see himself as the hero of his own story, it's not enough for him. He wants to use Cheng Xiaoshi to change the past. He wants to become the director of the play.

I know a lot of people were disappointed this episode didn't advance the plot, especially in regard to Cheng Xioashi and Lu Guang's storylines, but I was actually prepared for a backstory episode and couldn't have been more satisfied. Again, I have other opinions on the rest of S2 but at least standalone, I think this episode was nearly perfect. And I really wasn't expecting this, but it's really elevated Qian Jin to one of my top characters.

[pruneunfair]

Why I think Claudine would be loved if she was a female lead. (More in-depth discussion)

Claudine was a very interesting character. Up until she got the usual villainess treatment of being flanderized as a jealous fiancé who wanted Layla dead, she didn't feel like a traditional villainess in the usual sense we think of.

Before the utter destruction of her character. Claudine at most would just pick on and even humiliate Layla on occasion but not through cartoony stunts like pouring wine all over her. More like inviting her to a ball knowing she can't really afford any nice dresses. Basic passive aggressive mean girl.

She was very classy about it too and outside of making fun of Layla, she had her own life with her family, friends, Matthias and of course her very own 2nd ML Riette.

Claudine is a perfect isekai-esque villainess to transmigrate to for those reasons: a jealous fiancé perceived to only love the man for his status and treats the poor FL poorly.

But a lot of COBYB fans hate her as most manhwa fandoms would hate the resident villainess even though she embodies all the traits that were beloved, why?

Well for the first and obvious answer: perspective. We only really see the perspective of Layla and Matthias. Layla is a humble orphan girl working alongside her uncle to stay afloat, she has Kyle as a close friend and possible love interest and it was said she was going to be a teacher when she graduated. Lot of people can relate to that over a wealthy woman who was born with all these benefits she didn't have to work for. And Matthias is well..Matthias but he's the male lead and most importantly, attractive. So in the eyes of the fandom, that means he has more leeway to do what he wants considering he also has an actual past thats fleshed out.

It's also because of the weird phenomenon that is young readers finding every reason to despise a female villian while trying to excuse the male villain because he's hot or because he had a very tragic backstory. It's a problem with a lot of fan bases out there, Helluva boss, Miraculous ladybug, Trolls 3, lore olympus etc. Obviously the problem isn't that the villainesses in these pieces of media aren't being 100% absolved of consequences. The problem is how they seem to be the ONLY ONES suffering fandom consequences even though there are plenty of male villains who are just as bad or worse.

Heres the thing, while a humble farm girl is definitely easier to relate to and care about. A majority of the manhwa that we have are all centered around really rich women, and what makes these women usually stand out when they have privilege and status is their personality to get shit done and are also very intelligent. These stories are often popular since a woman who only wants to get that bag and live a lavish life isn't frowned upon as it was. Claudine fits this description nicely given that she was really only interested in being the Duchess .

Another trope isekai villainess manhwas usually have is another male lead for the new protagonist to pair up with. Usually they are a second ml, someone equally/more powerful then the og husband, or in rare cases they're just the og male lead. Claudine has Riette for that who would be a great contrast for Matthias. Matthias likes watching Layla cry, he often emotionally and even sexually abuses her and doesn't seem to care how much damage he's inflicting on her or Claudine by cheating on her. Riette on the other hand genuinely loved Claudine and she unfortunately did not reciprocate until he was KIA. So if per say this was an isekai comic where Claudine was the FL then I could see one change being that she tried to ensure Riette survives. Plus Riette would basically fill the common OI male lead role of showing off how much of an improvement he is compared to the first guy.

What else? While a little more rare, some female leads in isekai/regression will relentlessly attack the og fl or anyone with og fl traits for a really misguided/contrived reason. It's unfortunately a possibility that a character like Layla would be villianized in order to quickly hash up a new white lotus but if we go on a less character assasination route and take examples out of revenge on the real one then Claudine making fun of Layla could be something you'd be expected to root for since Layla is the "mistress" (quotations considering she didn't even want to be a mistress)

Finally, it's the in general sassy villainess attitude that would win people over if she was the glorious lead. I mean look at Reilynn from today the villainess has fun again, a literal implied pedo with an awful personality and there's a lot of people who love her and her "money makes the word go round" attitude. A less negative example is Roxana Agriche, a true villainess who has killed people and has one of the most terrifying butterfly abilities I ever saw but she's still well loved for being absolutely iconic. Hell sometimes you don't even have to be the FL, Soleia Elard from seducing the villains father was more popular then the FL Yerenica to the point where most posts about that manhwa were centered around her.

would a story where Claudine is the protagonist be a good story? Depends if it's handled well, but I still believe it would have a loyal fanbase.

[kindnessoverperfection]

Feel free to ignore this, but I'm a disabled writer who tends to focus on representation in my works, and I came across your posts about having npd while doing research for a side character in a story of mine. I really appreciate you taking the time to write out a description of npd that shows the roots of the issues and the way they affect the people who have it rather than how outsiders perceive it. I just wanted to ask if there were any traits of npd that you personally would like to see in npd representation/ if you have any thoughts on how you'd like to see characters with npd represented in media? I know at current there's basically no positive npd rep, which sucks for sure, but in a hypothetical situation where there was a character with npd who wasn't villianized for it, what sort of aspects of npd would be comforting for you to see reflected in a story?

Once again, feel free to ignore this ask if I'm overstepping at all, and I hope you have a wonderful day <3

Hi!! ♡ Apologies for the late reply, I wasn't on tumblr for a few days, then my alter was out for the next couple days and I wanted to be the one to respond-

I really appreciate that you're taking the time to research and create thoughtful representation, and I'm glad my posts could offer some help with that!

My first two thoughts are:

Characters whose symptoms present differently than the common portrayal of NPD

It's super common for people to not recognize NPD because they have this very limited view of what it is and how it can present - so it would be nice to see representation that shows variety in the way it can manifest.

For example, it's actually very common for someone with the disorder to primarily "lash in" rather than "lash out", but I never see that represented (intentionally, at least).

There's also a very limited perception of narcissistic characters being blatantly arrogant, grandiose, braggy, selfish, power-hungry, etc. But really, there's an unlimited number of ways someone can present outwardly, because the only thing that's crucial to the diagnosis is the internal experience - how it affects the person who has it. How they appear outwardly to others can vary wildly.

(I'll admit, some of these "stereotypical NPD" characters feel very relatable due to shared symptoms and vibes and power fantasies. To the extent that I have one of them as my pfp on some accounts lol. But if you met me IRL, my vibes are just "confident and bubbly, polite, quiet and distant, fashion-oriented, straight A student, cutesy, braggy, adventurous", and I always make the effort to be kind to people even though I can be somewhat distant and goal-oriented.)

It's also common to think of someone "flying into a rage" when they feel criticized - but anger (whether external or internal) isn't an inherent part of it. The issue is that someone perceives criticism as a threat, so their fight/flight/freeze/fawn response kicks in, and there's a large multitude of ways that can show up.

(Personally, I go into either fight or fawn mode. But the vast majority of the anger I've felt has been entirely self-directed, manifesting in the form of self-criticism, self-hatred, self-destruction, overworking, eating disorders, etc. I will occasionally feel outwards anger, but when I do, I give myself time and space to process it by myself so that I don't upset anyone. And even for those who feel external anger much more often than I do, it doesn't mean they'll express it in an aggressive or harmful way.)

tldr; I'd love to see a variety of outwards presentations, with the NPD being shown via their internal experience, rather than only displayed through stereotypical external behaviors.

2. Humanization for characters with NPD who make mistakes

People with NPD are human just like everyone else, which means that mistakes happen. Everyone accidentally fucks up, hurts someone, lacks self-awareness in certain areas, etc.

The level and type of interpersonal struggles, and the reasons behind these struggles, are all across the board. That's understood with any other disorder (or any sort of identity), but there's so much extra baggage and stigma applied when NPD is involved for some reason.

So for characters with NPD with higher interpersonal conflict, I'd want them to be humanized in the same way that anyone else with any other identity would be humanized. And I'd also want it shown that characters who don't have NPD can have high interpersonal conflict as well, that it's not limited to this disorder.

"what sort of aspects of npd would be comforting for you to see reflected in a story?"

In terms of specific aspects-

Personally, I'd love to see a character who like... tries to be perfect. Is externally very put-together in some way - maybe they're very kind and soft-spoken and sweet, or they're silly and happy and energetic, or they're quiet and serious and protective, or calm and mysterious and self-assured, doesn't matter. But everything seems okay on the surface.

But internally, they put so much pressure on themself. They hold themself to impossible standards, and feel like they HAVE to be seen a certain way and never show weakness. They have to handle everything perfectly. Just... so many symptoms and struggles that are hurting them internally, and overtime it ends up bubbling out in small ways, or like. Tbh I'd love it if someone would just... notice.

Notice the perfect bubbly happy straight-A student who's always kind and never shares their own opinions. Notice the quiet, highly-skilled protector of the group who somehow always knows the right thing to say and the right way to act.

And give them permission to be imperfect. To be human. Show them that they aren't their reputation or their skills or how impressive they are, they're so much more than that.

They can see the pain they're in, and instead of treating them as this untouchable perfect being, they treat them in a human way.

The super bubbly character seems completely unaffected by recent tragedy? Okay. Their friend doesn't ignore that. They don't push and prod, but they don't ignore it. They sit with them, spend time with them, hold them, they know it affected them.

I'm imagining a scene where the character w/NPD fucks up somehow, and they seem fine, but someone close to them suddenly Realizes and they just. Go to find them. And they're just having a massive breakdown, but the moment they see their friend, they quickly try and shove everything under the surface and act cool and unaffected and "normal", but their friend goes over and just holds them and. Ungh. 10/10

Couple months ago I did actually see an episode of a show like that, and both times I watched it, I bawled my fuckin eyes out lol.

Different people may have different answers in terms of what they'd feel most comforted by, but for me personally, I'd love this so much, because this is how I present and I desperately want to be Seen and Loved and have someone see my self-worth as being inherent and not tied into how "perfect" I am.

Closing thoughts:

Personally, there's not much that I'd feel offended by. To be honest, in addition to characters who fit the above points (various presentations, average-level interpersonal conflict, etc.), I also write characters who have that "stereotypical" presentation. I don't think there's anything wrong with it as long as it's not done maliciously, especially if there's other types of characters shown. (Similar to having both gay villains and gay protagonists or side characters, y'know)

The only thing I'd dislike / that would hurt my feelings is like... seeing a character be heavily demonized for their traits*, or the only characters with NPD being horribly abusive, or the usage of stigmatizing language (aka, if the character is spoken about the way buzzfeed articles speak about us).

*aka, demonized for the symptoms. Totally fine if someone does something shitty and it's pointed out as being shitty / if people dislike them for that lol.

Hopefully this isn't getting too long, but to give an example of what I mean, something I saw that did hurt my feelings was like-

There was an episode of a show where a character got super braggy and confident, and was relishing in the praise and admiration she was getting. Hinging her self-worth on that recognition and success. And her friends got annoyed and pissed off, simply because she was braggy. There were a couple of things here and there she did that were kind of insensitive, but that was never really pointed out or seen as the main issue, it was only her bragging that was being demonized for some reason.

And then her friends all ganged up behind her back and did something to intentionally trigger a crash and make her feel insecure and terrible about herself, all to "knock her down a peg". And the narrative framed that as being justified, framed her friends as being correct in this situation. They never once showed concern for her mental health or the fact that she was hinging her self-worth on other people's opinions of her, they tore her down for her bragging instead of either a) supporting and uplifting her, or b) showing concern for unhealthy mindsets, and they never even tried to approach her or communicate with her about the things she was doing that actually were insensitive.

Hopefully that wasn't too much of a tangent lol, but that's the type of thing I mean by "being demonized for their traits". Hate when all a character is doing is bragging and feeling good about themself and the narrative frames them in an extremely negative light for it :(

Okay I will wrap up the post here as it's already pretty long, but hopefully this helped a bit!! Thank you for the question, and good luck with your writing! ^^

[ahoyimlosingmymind]

i have compassion for Fitz Vacker in the same way I have compassion for Child stars in Hollywood.

He is perceived as a living dream, while he exists in a nightmare that people have so little understanding and empathy for. There's a level to him that is fundamentally unrelatable to most. He has no perceived lacking. At least, not when you're taking in the situation at face-value.

And this^ way of seeing him is fundamentally isolating. It strips him of depth and realness, and it makes him into an image to ascribe ideas and false perceptions onto. A blank canvas to project all of your worst insecurities . After all, He's not real- it doesn't hurt him, right? In fact, it's trendy among the lower class to dislike him. If you aren't obsessed with him to the point of a parasocial relationship, then you resent him. He cannot struggle or have any issues whatsoever because the perception of what luxury is, is so powerful.

This is reflected in the way Dex saw the Vacker's in books 1 and 2. It's reflected in the fandom's inability to empathize with Fitz is any way shape or form (at least on Pinterest/YouTube/Instagram)

He's socialized more around adults than his peers, because of the idea of giftedness and notoriety. Which just puts him on a higher pedestal, and makes him a larger target to hate among kids his age.

He is known, but he is not known. If anyone pursues him as a friend, it is for the sake of making connections and being popular. It's disingenuous. It's to use him as a stepping stool on a rapid rise to fame. to exploit him for personal gain. His trust issues don't come from nowhere, after all.

He had one friend his entire childhood. and what do you know? It's a kid who is trying so hard to outrun the exploitation of his dad's dreams and wishes for him.

Sure, Fitz's parents are present in his life, but they can only mitigate so much of the outside world before it starts seeping right through the walls of their home.

I just think it would be so strange to have so many people barely know you and either obsess over you to the point that you are more fantasy than reality, or resent you so much that you can't say a word without hearing some snide comment in response. And to know that NONE of it is real. None of these people know you.

Fitz's family obviously represents a really big issue in society. Because Dex, Sophie etc... they are RIGHT, that the standards of their world aren't fair. They are right to call it out. They are right to have anger towards the 'upper class' who does nothing to help the lower class. It's understandable. and it's far more relatable than Fitz's situation. but the thing is, shame is shame. and scorn is scorn.

the upper class may whisper. But the lower class does too.

and that's just it. Therein lies the issue with the lost cities.

IT"S NO ONES CHOICE. It was not Dex's choice to born into a bad match marriage, it was not Keslar and Juline's choice to be born in a world where a system like mathmaking even exists. It wasn't their choice to have triplets. But it also wasn't their choice to raise them in a society that hates them.

But no more was it Fitz's choice to be born a Vacker. No more was it his choice that his parents happened to be a good match. It's not his choice to be born into a society where that stuff matters. He's a kid.

But because he represents something at face value that people tend to hate, he is undeserving of compassion when compared to a character like Dex. Fitz is dismissed and disliked because he represents something about their society, even though he's a child who has no real way to combat what generations older than him have enforced.

He is the vessel that is easy to target and to hate, because people need to find someone to blame. Even if that person technically has not contributed in any way to the thing that the people wish to destroy.

and it can only cause resentment to build between the two classes.

Idk man the perception of Fitz Vacker will forever have my head spinning.

[buckley-diaztruther]

there is a lot of folks really heated at eddie for this last ep and I gotta say yall, none of it felt ooc to me. I think in the lead up so many folks built up a fantasy of what they WANTED from the ep (eddie fondly exasperated but indulging buck completely in contrast to cruel skepticism from temu) when the reality is eddienhas ALWAYS been a bitch(affectionate) when it comes to his skepticism. Just because it feels weird to us to see him getting along w temu again doesn't mean it's ooc. I think we also built a fantasy of him now aggressively hating temu because he saw he was classic petty eddie at the bachelor party. but 1. I don't think the show would be THAT overt w Eddie's jealousy, he always displays it in little looks and comments but is otherwise generally neutral if not nice to bucks partners. 2. it is possible for eddiento be jealous and still like temu as a friend, much as we wish he didn't. they've effectively written put temus dark past and it's all about him just being dry humor and sarcasm, which at times can line up well w Eddie's humor. there's a reason they got on so well at the beginning of s7, no matter how we as temu haters feel about it.

also, folks are really defensive of buck being roasted by both of them purely bc theyre defensive of buck in general (same bestie same). the fandom has clocked very early on that buck is some flavor of adhd and the RSD is out the wazoo on this guy. and a lot of us empathize w that, can relate to it. and inthink that leads to a LOT of projection. not a bad thing, but I think that it can make folks a little blind to the nuance. buck can be genuinely hurt by the dismissal from eddie and eddie can still be ok and fine for laughing and poking fun to an extent. him and buck have always had a relationship that was heavy with friendly jabs and mocking and roasting bc thats a very normal thing in relationships, esp ones that are secure. it's easy to be comfortable ribbing each other the way they do (and they've said some BOLD shit even early on) because they trust each other to not go too far and that their relationship is still secure at the end of the day. it's newer, less certain relationships where you're going to tip toe around sensitivities until you really understand a person's boundaries. and while buck has clearly struggled w being put down and rejected, outside of the divorce era it's never been something that is obviously a crossed line for buck and so I don't think this is anything more than a silly 'et tu brute' kinda feeling from buck. I don't think he's really THAT torn up about eddie laughing.

also I'm gonna say something a lot of folks hate to hear. even if buck genuinely is so distressed at every perceived rejection, that is NOT Eddie's responsibility. eddie is his friend (and future husband I know) and yes, he should and does have care for bucks feelings and boundaries. but sometimes people act like eddie has to coddle buck and treat him like a baby to protect his feelings or that eddie just never would ever be mean or dismissive to buck and 1. that's not true and 2. RSD means something that was 100% ok yesterday might feel like a devastating rejection today and unfortunately, that's for buck to contend with. he's an adult and responsible for his own emotions and reactions. he can be hurt and work thru them (solo or w eddie) but even in romantic relationships it's not all gonna be sunshine and rainbows and not every hurt feeling needs to be met with a thousand apologies and amends because sometimes w rsd your reaction can be disproportionate to the cause and that's up to buck to tackle w his therapist.

I say this all, BTW, as someone w extreme rsd who v much was amd is buck in a lot of my friend groups - the 'immature', naive and hyperactive kid who won't shut up and gets their feelings hurt at every little thing and then youre getting hurt more because you're laughed at for being sensitive. it fucking sucks and a lot of that was extrapolated by having shitty friends. and yall, the 118 are not that.

Anyway sorry that got way out of hand and I went on a huge tangent but tldr stop acting like eddie is ooc and a dick for laughing at buck and stop treating buck like a baby when he's a grown ass man thank u love u

[nightcolorz]

don't wanna be buzzkill, but..Don't you think that Armand in the show is overly sexualized? Even outside the context of his past. In season 1 he has little screen time, but almost all his scenes are sexually charged? The taste of "Rashid", Daniel's questions about whether he and Louis have sex, "rent boy".

In season 2, I have no questions about his past (it's canon and an important part of his story), but revealing the character's trauma through his BDSM relationship with Louis also seems like a questionable idea. This has clearly sparked debate.

Also a discussion of Armand's sexual partners in the theater (although this correlates well with the hypersexuality). And to top it off, Armand is dressed quite sexy in almost every scene in Dubai? Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating with the last point, but still.

Louis throws "little bitch" in his face during an argument.

TOO MUCH sexual context with Armand

Despite his physical closeness to many, no one needs him as a person. And this is the most alarming thing for me in this story.

“Despite his physical closeness to many, no one needs him as a person. And this is the most alarming thing for me in this story.”—-I think this is the reason behind what ur pointing out. I agree, there r a lot of sexual undertones with Armand where for other characters there r not, and it seems to me that this is an intentional representation of how he is perceived by other character’s. I don’t think this is like, amc writers r objectifying this sa abuse victim for lols, I kind of assume it’s meant to cue the audience into how Armand is often defautly objectified or sexualized by so many ppl. Armand in the books is often hyper sexual as a trauma response so it kind of makes sense that he’d be over sexualized at times,. Especially ur point about the rashid scenes, I kind of see that as a portrayal of how Armand has a pattern of falling into the same role and dynamic he had when he was abused, again as a trauma response. And the rashid thing is very much foreshadowing how Louis kind of treats him like shit lol, with the whole maitre dynamic they have and stuff. But I understand being uncomfortable about how amc handles Armand considering how triggering and difficult his whole backstory is. I think it’s interesting and don’t tend to mind problematic portrayals of trauma if they r interesting or relatable to me, but if it rubs u the wrong way that’s totally valid too

[ultrakill-confessions]

No idea if this goes against the rules, I re-read them a bit to make sure, though I'm not 100% confident. This post isn't intended as a vent, although it may read as one. ULTRAKILL has both helped and warped(?) parts of my life. I have a really horrible fixation on ULTRAKILL. I don't tend to scale things because trying to say "I'm a bigger fan than you are because X, Y and Z!!!1!1!" has always pissed me off and generally rubs me the wrong way. However, for me, I do feel like this is in a similar vein (vein like castle v-), and is GENUINELY to a worrying degree imo. Maybe someone else can relate? Unsure.

For context on some of this, I deal with a dissociative disorder, and I'm a split of V1. Even with that, I can only think of one other instance where it complicated an interest of ours this badly. I think about ULTRAKILL every hour on the hour, I'm not even sure if I go ten minutes w/o thinking about it. And I live a healthy (relatively) life! I'm able to do things, go outside, enjoy life to the best of my ability, hold a job, college, etc. and have gotten better w/ socializing (autism really messes w/ this one); I am just fucking insane about ULTRAKILL. This shit consumes a large chunk of my frontal lobe, hand to God. I constantly plan out and/or make fanfictions (though never post em because being an ao3 author is a little spooky, can't lie gehshe), drawings, animations. Dawg I even get GYM MOTIVATION from ULTRAKILL. Body goals? THE MACHINE. I listen to the soundtrack while I work out (my bias to Order, Death of God's Will, Colliding Stars and The Abyss and the Serpent really poke out here). In fact, ULTRAKILL even helped with my gender and sexual (not inherently trying to be NSFW here) identities! Legitimately made me come to the realization that we might align more with being agender than transmasculine, and that we have no idea what our disaster of a sexuality is collectively, so we just say queer! And even though it's still hard to express ourselves, that has helped so much in feeling more .. at comfort? Correct? I dunno. There’s also a lack of need for labels at all now. It feels so fuckin’ goofy to say this because it HAS consumed a part of my life to the point where I feel like I'm peak brain-rotting at times, however it's also really helped, too?? Like in the most oxymoronic way ULTRAKILL has helped me develop as a person. The imaginary scenarios and art I use aids me in my expression and thought and even brings out more of my creativity. Ironically, despite not really wanting to be perceived as a human being, it has made me feel more like a person. I have a love-hate relationship with it only for the intensity of how much I adore it. It makes me upset when I no longer feel like I’m “me” enough, and yet ironically it has helped me to be healthier in other areas. lowkey use it to cope w/ the religious trauma sometimes too haha I will say, though, for a while I thought (and still sometimes do think) it was ruining my mental state. The identity issues, artist envy, missing my source/individuals from it (+ pseudo-memories and heavy dissociation as a whole if I'm being real), and general hyperfixation woes get very heavy at times. Interest so bad I have to look away sometimes when I see voice actor work, SFM's, etc. Not very proud of that. I never express these issues heavily to anybody except my sibling and a few close friends, simply due to the nature of people, especially on the internet, along with the complexity of having to explain an illness that is so severely stigmatized. My current issue is just holding back from spending my money on merch lmao (I may just draw myself with it to cope /hj). I am cringe and I will soon be free! Apologies if this post is depressing and/or repetitive. uhh, I've seen some anons name themselves, so camaraderie anon here?? LOL sorry. (p.s shoutout to the sisyphus likers and people who hate his mischaracterization YOU ARE THE REAL ONES!!!)

-