#but i also presented this willingly so most of the blame goes to me i can't lie

[peter-must-die]

one time in my media studies class my teacher was talking about how she was doing a smash cake with her friends and i was like 'oh my gosh have u seen my 100 hot men slide' and this then turned into her letting me do a presentation to my class about 100 hot men.

i do not look at this slideshow frequently, and i forget what i put on it the second i exit it. so when this showed up to my class of roughly 25 people you can guess how absolutely humiliated i was.

[they-them-van]

I'm genuinely so fascinated by Lottie and Natalie's dynamic - two girls from extremely different backgrounds but who have both faced parental abuse or neglect and who both carry similar stigmas (drugs/having sex for Natalie, mental illness for Lottie); two girls who are leaders in the wilderness in very different ways, but both shy away from it at first; two girls who are both trying so fucking hard to hold everything together, but going about it in such different ways that one of them is doomed to fail. And i can't help but wonder if part of the conflict between them is a result of Natalie desperately trying to avoid leadership, because the thought of people depending on her terrifies her - the girl who's been told over and over that she's doing everything wrong, fucking everything up for herself - and maybe that's a big part of her resentment of Lottie, who she sees so much of herself in but who takes the mantle of leadership so much more willingly.

And then there's the present, and how after resisting for so long Natalie has seemingly completely surrendered to Lottie. That makes me think that maybe she did the same in the past, maybe she got so tired and lost that she turned to Lottie like everyone else; maybe deep down she knows what she did as a result, and that's why she's the only one who truly displays animosity towards Lottie as an adult. I think that Natalie, who we already know is the most self-destructive of the bunch, is also the most likely to blame herself fully for anything that happened - because her and Lottie are so similar that Nat sees Lottie's accomplishments as a failure on her part. They're caught in this push and pull, where it's impossible for both of them to win.

Anyway, in summary i can't get over the way these characters have been written as such similar and yet diametrically opposed people, and I'm so fucking excited to see where their relationship goes.

[hirazuki]

Give me all the hot takes

🔥🔥🔥

OMG I feel like I have nothing but hot takes, if I listed them all we'd be here for years 🤣 I will give as many as the number of flames you sent!

Under a cut, because (unsurprisingly) it got long XD

There is ✧･ﾟ:* nothing *:･ﾟ✧ in the published text of The Silmarillion to indicate that Eol was chronically abusive/violent towards Aredhel or Maeglin during all their years together. One single snippet of dialogue of one single exchange of heated words does not constitute an abusive environment, as neither do arguments/disagreements or the experiencing of anger. If anything, instead of being present and violent, it seems as though distance grew between them and he made himself scarce more often than not. His relationships with both his wife and his son are clearly shown to be cases of mutual deterioration over time -- people who are fundamentally at cross purposes with each other, as far as wants and beliefs and desires go, and the text quite solidly implies that Aredhel had her share of the blame, given as she was to recklessness, impulse, changeable mood and mind, etc. -- and this decline was almost exclusively exacerbated by the effect of outside forces on their lives (Sindar vs. Noldor, the ban on quenya, Feanor's sons and Aredhel's connection with them specifically, etc.), rather than any more domestic issues between them. Was it unhealthy? Sure, but certainly nowhere near the picture general fandom paints "canon" out to be, and I wish more people would engage in the wonderful nuance the text provides us with. Also, as far as published Silm goes, Eol wove enchantments to draw Aredhel to his dwelling, but it doesn't say he forced or coerced or enchanted her to enter; she entered and stayed willingly. And it drives me crazy to see people flay Eol as a rapist in one breath, while going 'YAS QUEEN' for Melian with another*, when it's the same scenario in, incredibly, the same place -- it smacks of double-standards, and a couple of other words that I will refrain from using, as some people on this website think I'm nice and I'd hate to shatter that illusion XD *I have absolutely no issue with Melian; I really enjoy her as a character. It's the hypocrisy that I can't stand :)

I've ranted about this before in the tags of some post somewhere, but: Celebrimbor. It's been my experience that, fairly frequently, there's a tendency to portray him in a manner that tends to make him very... bland. Wonderbread™, if you will. Idk if it's to contrast Annatar or to contrast Feanor and Curufin, but it ends up making Celebrimbor far too soft and pliable and people-pleasing, distastefully so, taking away all of the interesting hard surfaces and edges. Yes, he distances himself from his family and rejects them; yes, he can want to build a new reputation of his own, untainted by the First Age; yes, Ost-in-Edhil can be a place of open doors and second chances; yes, he can be hyper-aware of his legacy as Feanor's grandson and seek to present an opposite image through his words and actions -- all of this is beautiful. But it's even more beautiful if he's allowed to have traits that are callbacks to his father and grandfather; let him be angry (in private or in public, in short isolated spurts that come out of nowhere or as a simmering undercurrent), let him be shrewd and sharp and opinionated (let Annatar cut himself on him a little). This doesn't mean he can't also be kind and earnest and honest and trying his best. Most of all, let him be greedy -- not only for knowledge or power in and of themselves, not necessarily, but for what those things can afford him: the ability to make that which he loves (i.e. Middle Earth) a better, grander place. We're all greedy for the things we want, and I would argue most of those things aren't negative -- stability, acceptance, a better tomorrow, etc. Greed isn't limited to physical things or luxuries and it isn't inherently a bad thing! [/troy baker voice]. There's just so much there to play with, even completely aside from his dynamic with Annatar, and it just makes me equal parts sad and upset to see a character with such ambition and potential and fire frequently so babied and made naive, that he is reduced to the written equivalent of a soggy waffle.

Okay, now for something that is a bit more lighthearted and personal, but no less hot -- and perhaps? may contradict your own Mairon interpretation (in which case, I'm always happy to agree to disagree ^^) -- I can totally see why fandom makes Sauron into this super sexy/sexual creature but... it's a hard nope from me. He's certainly alluring and attractive to others, and knows how to use it to great effect, but I just can't see him genuinely vibing with it, relishing in it for himself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I know I keep harping on the Luthien incident, but it's just such a stark contrast to literally everyone else who comes across her -- including Melkor -- that it's really difficult to interpret his utter non-reaction to her as anything but a personal disinterest in matters of the flesh, at least in and of themselves without some kind of connection/relationship there. Everyone likes to joke about him being the whore/slut of the Silm, and sure it can be funny at times, but that concept is just so alien to how he reads to me.

[abri-chan]

Regarding sadistic beauty bl side story... Why is it so toxic? 🤔 I somewhat can understand 90/mid-2000 even like bl stories ten years ago that skip over repercussions of rape and glorify toxic, abusive relationships... But this author was aware of these, hell since she has twitter she was definitely made aware through feedback... It's 2022 and yet again and again I see this trope in the story, where main character despite awareness of abuse they go through still ends up with abuser and it's presented either as somewhat happy ending or, like in Minho case, as inevitable, which might be worse... Like, why is it so normalised in bl stories? Authors main Sadistic Beauty ending presented similarly, but it's through abuser pov (Duna), not abused (they are in bdsm relationship, but honestly Duna more than once goes over boundaries)... and that ending wasn't depressing and in a light "at least I'm not lonely" :/ Not to mention since when WK became Minho's fifth most important person? He shouldn't even be in top 1000 after what he did... Sick story. I blame patriarchy x) But seriously... wtf

so... i agree BL has some romanticized, or at the very least normalized dish of abuse that wouldn't extend to other stories.

My personal opinion on all this? I think the writer can't be made to willingly write m/m stories. That is no way mean to shame her; it is well and valid for an author to only want to write stories centered around women, which translates to f/m and f/f ships only. Sadistic Beauty (the main comic) did this, and it worked great for the plot, that is not just separate smut scenes that were hot (SB BL had this too!), but a sense of where the story is going as though some overall plan has been laid out. Unfortunately, BL sells way more than f/f or f/m (and boy do we need good f/m with some decent female leads and away from the male gaze), and the Sadistic Beauty spinoff was in my opinion because of two possibilities: 1) the writer tried to milk the bl popularity (unlikely) and 2) the writer really wanted to close up the plot-threads for the remaining characters of the Duna-harem, but she overestimated how much her heart was into writing m/m, realized it half-way in, and defaulted to generic bl tropes for each chapter. That is to say, the plot of SB BL became a piece of paper pulled out of a hat as to what generic abuse WK will pull on Minho this chapter. Don't get me wrong, I think the spinoff had some moments or insights (I really loved how the visuals portraying Minho's depression and suicidal tension, and I think the writer does have hot sex scenes, which by themselves can be quite good--Minho taking the lead and WK being assigned to bottom for once, right before Minho decided to attempt suicide.), but overall those are few and far in between, and the overall plot was left hanging: won't WK have no money now that mom cut him off? will the cues about Minho loving writing over Duna lead nowhere, that is won't we see any hint of Minho going back to writing and having self-realization that extends beyond being with WK? will WK learn shit from this story (no he wont', he got Minho in the end after throwing a fit, and he didn't have to change a thing. Because he also wanted to get rid of his mom, and he cut ties, so Minho was only cinder in a fire that already existed to push him to do so)? I was reading some other "unhealthy" BLs as I was reading this spinoff and the spinoff gave me flashback to many of the same scenes even I had seen in those mangas: chain to bed, kill him if he leaves, uke somewhat never makes the smart decision of getting out when he can... etc etc...

So in short, my take with the spinoff is not how healthy or unhealthy it was, but lack of direction, where the twists or scenes felt copy-cat but done with better art or sensibility, but nothing that kept me wanting to re-read like the main Sadistic Beauty. I think maybe the writer eventually realized where her passion lies, so who knows, she may not write any m/m in the future because she always want a woman in the mix. In a way, I respect that, and that also provides an answer to everyone that complained by SB had all men available to Duna and no proper m/m relationships, as in strictly gay: it is because the manga was meant for women, and it pandered to women (boo hoo, deal with it, pandering to women for once), so similarly to how in anything pandering to men all women are straight or bi, but never lesbian because the man needs to insert himself, all men were bi or straight in SB, and all women were bi or lesbian, so Duna, and in that way, the female reader, could insert herself in any situation. I don't think the writer is under any obligation to give us strictly male gay couples; don't like, don't read. I did wish the BL spinoff tied more ends though, not so much that I care about m/m, but because WK was my favorite male character from the original, and I highkey wanted him to be tamed by Duna and end up as her sub. I had high hopes and he kinda disappointed me in the spinoff, proving he can't be a proper dom, and all he does is out of spite for not being able to outdominate his mother.

Eventually, you need passion to break the mold, of toxic BL in this case, and the passion for m/m just wasn't there for this writer, it seems.

[strawberrystar7]

I think People misunderstood Chloé's arc and the season 3 finale (and especially Chloé's role in it.). And here is why I think that.

This is a really long post and I know it's hard to keep reading something as long as this but please, I ask you, either do not read it at all if you don't want to read something like this or read it completely. If you do decide to read this but stop in the middle because you want to comment on something I ask you to not do that. Please read all of it thoroughly. If you want to comment on something, take notes but don't post it before having read all, because if you do not read all you probably won't understand it correctly. Additionally, some things might have been answered later on in the post.

I think the true lesson the writers wanted to give with Chloé's arc and especially the Season 3 finale is that it's good to be forgiving and give second or maybe even 3rd chances but you shouldn't try and help someone who doesn't want to change. There was a time where she maybe wanted to change... I put the maybe there on purpose. This is because if I look at Chloé's behavior it isn't entirely clear if she ever wanted to change because she wants to help others or if she just wanted to "change" so she can have the Bee Miraculous.

Chloé's arc in actuality was a treason arc. It wasn't a redemption arc. On the surface it may have looked like one but if you look deeper I think you'll see the signs.

I know I am gonna get hate for saying the next bit but if you look closely (and I mean very closely) at Chloé's actions then you'll see what I mean. In season 1 Chloe was a stereotypical bully. In season 2 she actually got a backstory, explaining her actions. It basically made her look more like a real person. But even so her actions didn't really change. She stayed a bully. On surface level her actions did change a little, but on a lower level they didn't.

What do I mean with that? Take Despair Bear as an example she threw a party and invitated all her classmates. In itself that's a nice action but do you remember the reason why she threw the party? Adrien threatened to break up their friendship if she wasn't nicer to people. So her Butler Jean gave her the idea with the party and that she should be nice. 

Yeah, I know this happened before the Queen's Battle trilogy (I know it's actually just a 2 part episode (Style Queen and Queen Wasp) but I count Malediktator as a 3rd part because it pretty much is a direct follow up to Queen Wasp.) but this is supposed to serve as an example for Chloé's behavior in season 2.

Now look at Zombizou. Chloé gave Miss Bustier a present the day after her birthday. Do you remember why this happened? Marinette called Chloé out for not having brought one and pretty much embarrassed her infront of the class (I know the way she called her out was mean but that's not the point here). In the end Chloé most likely would never have brought a gift if this didn't happen.

I think this Episode also came before the Queens Battle trilogy but I'm not sure. Anyway even if it was before, it still shows how Chloé behaves most of the time when she does good things.

Now let's look at the Queen's Battle trilogy. In the Style Queen episode we see for the first time how Audrey treats Chloé and while it does explain why Chloé does what she does it doesn't mean her actions are excusable. It makes her actions understandable to the viewers and it makes her, as already mentioned, look more like an actual human being. In that episode we do not really see any more about Chloé and her past or actions besides her finding the Box with the Bee Miraculous.

After that Queen Wasp follows. In this episode the first scene where Chloe plays a rather major role is the scene with Gabriel Agreste, Audrey Bourgeois, André Bourgeois, Tom Dupain, Sabine Cheng, Adrien Agreste, Marinette Dupain-Cheng and of course Chloé Bourgeois. In this scene we see Audrey taking Marinette's feather hat after it rolls infront of her. She inspects it and remarks that it isn't Gabriel's. She then asks if Marinette is responsible for the hat, which Marinette replies to with her having created the hat. You know the rest Gabriel admits she won a fashion contest, Audrey remarks the hat is "exceptional", and then she asks Marinette if she wants to go to New York. That is where Chloé comes in, claiming to never having been in New York. She also asked why she was taking Marinette. Audrey replies with Marinette being "exceptional". Chloé then says that she's "exceptional" too. Audrey then says the following "The only exeptionial thing about you, my dear... is your mother.". I think you know the rest André tries to step in but is interrupted by Chloé who transforms into Queen Bee infront of everyone to proof that she is exceptional.

This wasn't simply to prove her mother wrong tho. She did it to prove to everyone that she's exceptional and her behaviors later on that episode prove that exact point. Queen Bee then disappears.

The others go home and Queen Bee looks around the city to see if there's anything she can do but doesn't find anyone who needs saving. She then thinks of that plan with the train and calls Nadja Chamak to gain publicity for her heroic deeds. As already mentioned this pretty much proves my point. If she really jzst wanted to prove Audrey wrong then why call in one of Paris's star reporters?

After the call she heads towards the metro. She runs on the side of the metro and enters the driver's room. She then Calls out her venom and numbs the driver. The metro speeds up and Queen Bee turns on the metro TV saying she'll save them (this pretty much was to gain even more publicity). Queen Bee isn't able to stop the metro and Ladybug and Cat Noir come in to help stop the metro. Ladybug calls Chloé out for numbing the train driver and Nadja Chamak comes with Audrey Bourgeois on a live call. Audrey then says the following "What? Regarding my daughter's ineptitude? I think it speaks for itself, doesn't it?". Ladybug asks Chloé to give the Miraculous back but Chloé keeps it and runs away with it. Queen Bee then gets akumatized before she transforms back causing her to turn in Queen Wasp. I don't think it's important to mention what happened while she was Queen Wasp because in this case she wasn't willingly akumatized just like Antibug which also means she wasn't herself unlike Chameleon and Miracle Queen who both were willingly akumatized and both kinda knew what happened while they were akumatized.).

When she gets deakumatized Marinette later comes in and tries to help fix Chloé's and Audrey's relationship (atleast as much as it can be fixed) by pretty much insulting both of them and saying "You're also wrong about your daughter not being exceptional. In fact, Chloé is exceptionally mean. She's the worst person I've ever met. She may be more heinous, pompous and selfish than you. Compared to both of you, even a rock seems more capable of love.". Chloé and Audrey then pretty much shout at the same time "How dare you⁈". They then see they do have a lot in common. The episode then pretty much ends after 2 more short scenes (both scenes do not have anything to do with Chloé so I don't think they are important.).

Now let's look at Malediktator. The episode starts with Chloé's documentary about Queen Bee where Chloé-Bee and Chloé-Bug (I'm gonna call her that because that's Chloé with a Queen Bee costume and Chloé with a Ladybug costume) talk about how great of a superhero Queen Bee is. Then it zooms out to reveal that the documentary is watched by Chloé's classmates.

Ivan then points out that isn't Ladybug. Chloé says it is Ladybug and Miss Bustier asks why Chloé did the assignment about herself.

Chloé then says they were supposed to choose an important person in French history. Chloé-Bug talks more about Queen Bee. Alya then points out that's Chloé with a Ladybug costume. This discussion goes on for a bit until Chloé leaves.

Chloé and Audrey then storm in to André's office while a pair is getting married. They force them out and Audrey tells André to close the school while Chloé tells him to ban Marinette and her family.

Audrey then says the following "That monster hurt your little girl’s feelings.". Chloé adds "She got the whole class to gang up on me. They all have to pay.". You probably know the rest. André says he can't do that and Chloé and Audrey leave him alone in his office and say they'll leave for New York. Chloé is then in the Bourgeois suite packing (or more like telling her Butler to pack for her.) André comes in to argue with Chloé and Audrey to stay in Versailles or near Paris.

Hawk Moth akumatizes André after Audrey and Chloé leave with the helicopter.

Chloé flies over the school with her helicopter, throwing flyers showing Chloé in front of the statue of liberty and saying she'll leave for New York. The students celebrate after Chloé leaves.

Malediktator stops the helicopter and says he has the power to close the school and banish the students who were mean to her. He then commands Audrey to be devoted to him and stay in Paris. Chloé runs away/hides. Some time passes and Ladybug goes to Chloé asking her why Malediktator is mad.

Chloé doesn't want to say at first and blames Marinette, then saying André got mad all by himself but then she admits to being the cause of her fathers akumatization.

Then this happens:

Ladybug: Because of what happened in school? I'm sure Marinette probably didn't exactly mean what she said.

Chloé: Oh, it's not just her— actually, I don't even care about her— it's because I have no reason to be here: nobody likes me; I have no friends. I'm… useless.

Ladybug: (remembering what Adrien told Marinette earlier at school about Chloé) A friend once told me: nobody is useless, Chloé.

Chloé: It's easy for you to say that. You're Ladybug, a superhero. You serve a purpose.

Ladybug: Yes, I can fix up all the messes. You said it yourself in your documentary.

Chloé: (gasps) You saw it?!

Ladybug: (nods) Mm-hmm.

Chloé: Oh! I'm so embarrassed. That film's ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. I realize that now.

Ladybug: Don't worry Chloé. You can fix your own messes, if that's what you want. You, too, can serve a purpose, but you have to want to.

Chloé: (sniffles) I do want to.

Ladybug: Chloé Bourgeois, (holds out the Miraculous box) here is the Bee Miraculous, which grants you the power to immobilize your opponent. You will use it for the greater good.

(Chloé hesitates; Ladybug nods approvingly; Chloé takes the box and opens it; a yellow ball of light flies around her and Pollen appears.)

Pollen: At your service, my Queen.

Ladybug: Once the job is complete, you will return the Miraculous to me. Can I trust you, Chloé?

Chloé: (puts the haircomb in her hair) I won't disappoint you this time, Ladybug.

Then Chloé transforms into Queen Bee.

Queen Bee and Ladybug (with the help of Cat!Cat Noir) defeat Malediktator.

Then this happens:

Ladybug: Yep, you missed Queen Bee and Ladybug saving Paris, for real this time.

Queen Bee: I understand, Ladybug. Buzz off. (transforms back into Chloé)

Chloé: (gives back her Miraculous) Being a superhero isn't only about fixing messes. (Ladybug holds up her hand in a fist; Chloé gasps and smiles)

Chloé and Ladybug: (fist-bump) Pound it!

After that Chloé and her family leave.

Then this happens:

Chloé: It's okay, Jean-Yves; I'll take care of it.

Butler Jean: Mademoiselle, are you sure?

Chloé: Yes, I need to do it myself.

Marinette: Chloé?

Chloé: (gasps) Dupain-Cheng?

After that Marinette brings Chloé to the school showing her they threw a party for her. That's pretty much how the episode ends.

I guess this is the episode (Malediktator) that convinced everyone Chloé was changing (and maybe at this point in time she truly did want to change. But I'll explain later on in the text why it did not work out.). After all it literally showed scenes where Chloé was nice without her benefitting from it. And honestly the earlier episodes did not show that Chloé was going to change. The earlier episodes gave depth to her character and kinda explained her actions but they didn't really make her look like she wanted to change. The end of the Malediktator episode tho? It did look like she wanted to change or atleast it made it seem like that. But as I implied Chloé's arc is way more complicated than you think. It can't be just written of as bad or inconsistent writing. Read more and you'll see exactly why this isn't just inconsistent/bad writing.

I don't think we saw much of Chloé in the season 2 finale besides her appearance as Queen Bee again. But honestly I do not remember much about the season 2 finale anyway.

Now let's look at season 3. (I just remembered I forgot about Animaestro. I forgot where in the season that happened but I just put it in the beginning because I feel like it would ruin the flow of the text.) In Animaestro Chloé literally teams up with Marinette to ruin Kagami's day (This was just to show that Chloé still did stuff like in season 1). Anyway, not only is it pretty clear that Chloé would love to be Queen Bee again but she also probably would do anything to be Queen Bee again. So she constantly asks for her Miraculous (seen in Startrain and other episodes) or she pretty much shows everyone how proud she is of being Queen Bee, seeking attention for that (Maledikator). In Miraculer Chloé waits to get her Miraculous but doesn't get it. Then Lila tells Chloé about a fake dance which summons Ladybug. Chloé gets really angry when the dance failed and then lashes out at Sabrina telling her she doesn't want to play with her. Chloé then breaks down after not getting the Miraculous for some time, resulting into the scene where Chloé resists getting akumatized. Instead, Sabrina is the one getting akumatized. Some time later a cataclysmed Cat Noir tries to give Chloé the Miraculous but because of his cataclysmed rips he ends up loosing the Miraculous to Mayura.

You probably know the rest. Rena Rouge makes a Chloé illusion in Ladybug's place, Ladybug gets her powers back, Chloé makes Miraculer even angrier, Ladybug (with the help of Cat Noir, Rena Rouge, Carapace) gets the Bee Miraculous back and gives it to Chloé. Chloé follows Mayura but looses her. After the fight Ladybug talks to Chloé.

This happens:

Queen Bee: Ladybug. Mayura got away from me. I'm sorry, utterly sorry.

Ladybug: That's okay, Queen Bee. We'll get her next time. (reaches hand out for the Bee Miraculous)

Queen Bee: If you'd given it to me earlier, we'd probably would've defeated Hawk Moth.

Ladybug: I'm sorry, Chloé. I should've told you this a long time ago. I might never be able to let you be Queen Bee again.

Queen Bee: What? But I did everything you asked me to.

Ladybug: I know. But this is for your own safety. It's too dangerous for you and your loved ones because Hawk Moth knows that you're Queen Bee.

Queen Bee: Buzz off. (turns back into Chloé and gives Miraculous to Ladybug)

Chloé: I understand. But I'm sure that you'll need me again, Ladybug. I know that I'll be Queen Bee again someday. I will always be Queen Bee.

Ladybug: (notices her Miraculous beeping) Thank you, Chloé. Let's go. (takes off with Rena Rouge and Carapace)

Despite saying that Chloé said she understood she can't have the Miraculous anymore she did not understand.

I know one of the arguments people have was that if Ladybug stayed longer to explain more thoroughly Chloé would have understood. But what do you want Ladybug to do? Risk her identity? She was on her last 5 minutes. Probably less considering how a couple minutes probably flew by from the moment she called out her lucky charm to the moment she called out Miraculous Ladybug. So probably 2 or 3 minutes were already gone from her timer. Additionally, she still needs atleast a minute to not risk her identity getting revealed while she takes Rena Rouge's and Carapace's Miraculous. There was no more time to spare. Despite that I don't really think Chloé would have understood even if Ladybug had more than 2 minutes to spare. Not with how self-centered she is.

Well there had been some smaller incidents with Chloé treating people badly (Animaestro fo example) but that aside those were small moments. I think the next big Chloé moment would pretty much be Heart Hunter and Miracle Queen. Heart Hunter proved that Chloé did not learn from what Ladybug said. She still waited on her rooftop with her Bee signal for Ladybug to come and give her the Miraculous. In the end of the episode we see her so angry at Ladybug for not giving her the Miraculous that she willingly worked with Hawk Moth and actively forcing her will onto Pollen.

This is what happens:

Hawk Moth: (puts up his hand and interrupts) You're right, but I did it for one reason only. So that you would finally realize that Ladybug will never give you the Bee Miraculous again. I, however, always keep my promises. (shows her the Bee Miraculous in his hand)

Chloé: This isn't real! How do you have it?

Hawk Moth: Try it and see for yourself. You're Ladybug's greatest fan. You've helped her, you've trusted her, and what has she done for you in return?

Chloé: (gets angry) Nothing! She couldn't care less about me! I'm done with her. She's irrelevant, utterly irrelevant! (reaches out to grap the Miraculous, stops) I want you to deakumatize has my parents first!

Hawk Moth: Whatever you say, my queen. (Chloé takes the comb and puts it in her hair, releasing Pollen)

Pollen: (urgently) Your majesty, wait!-

Chloé: Silence! You will speak only when spoken to. Your loss, Ladybug. Pollen, buzz on! (transforms into Queen Bee)

She then gets willingly akumatized.

In Miracle Queen we then see her actively work for Hawk Moth, even revealing all the Miraculous Holders. After she gets deakumatized she seems to still have her memory, considering how she wasn't disoriented like every other Akuma Victim. She even jumps after another Akuma.

Chloé also does and says the following "I'm not on your side anymore! How many times have I asked to fight alongside you? And how many times have you refused to give me back my Miraculous? How many, huh? Hawk Moth isn't my enemy, he's yours! And the Miracle Box is mine! (Queen Bee slams down the Miracle Box, and opening it, starts putting on all of the Miraculouses)".

This pretty much proves my point further. Chloé never let go of the Bee Miraculous, thinking it was her own and she had every right to obtain it whenever she wants. The fact that she's only concerned about getting the Miraculous even proves further that she doesn't really care about helping others. All she cares about is her self and as established before this had always been the case. Even in the Queen's Battle trilogy.

Think about it. Chloé is so deadset on keeping the Bee Miraculous that she would do anything. And if I say anything I mean anything. She literally worked with Hawk Moth to get the Miraculous. So if getting the Miraculous and all the attention that comes with it means that she has to help others she'd gladly do it. If helping others means she gets attention she'd gladly do it. We've seen it in Despair Bear and other episodes. Ladybug used to be Chloé's idol so to get her attention she pushed the mind controlled Cat Noir away. To get Adrien's attention she threw the party and was nice to the others. But the moment people didn't look she acted mean. This isn't even the only season 2 or 3 episode this happened. It is totally in character for Chloé to have reacted the way she did in the season 3 finale. Just because she turned bad again doesn't mean she's a 2 dimensional character. She still has the same backstory and all as she had before. The only difference here is that she openly worked with Hawk Moth. So why is she suddenly a horribly written character? Just because she worked with Hawk Moth?

Well let me tell you something: Just look at her relationship with her father. He never denied her anything. He always did everything she wanted. She would throw a tantrum if she doesn't get what she wants. So don't you think it's totally in character for Chloé to react the way she did when Ladybug refused to give her the Miraculous? It's the equivalent to the tantrum of a spoiled rich girl (or boy) would throw if they don't get what they want. The only difference here being that a magical terrorist pretty much took advantage of that tantrum.

As you can see the way she acted was not out of character. It was completely in character for Chloé. In fact, it was so in character that if we've taken the time to truly look at her then we all would have seen it. I gotta admit, I myself got completely deceived the first time I watched Malediktator and Miraculer. I myself thought, maybe she could change (and I still think so). The first time I watched Heart Hunter and Miracle Queen I also thought it was bad writing and I also hated that finale. I thought they did her dirty. I literally blamed the writers like all the others and stated on YouTube how bad of a Episode that was. But now? Now that I actually took the time to rewatch the Episodes (not just the finale but generally any episode) over and over again just to see all the small details people talked about that I never noticed, I noticed those details about Chloé that I didn't before.

People always claim the finale is horrible because they made Chloé out of character... but... In fact, the Season 3 finale is actually good. It may have some plot holes because the writing of the show honestly sometimes isn't the best. There's some episodes that are badly written and have loads of plot holes. But the season 3 finale? It might just be one of the better written episodes. And that only because of the fact that they sticked to how a girl like Chloé would actually react to getting told off like that. And I know for a fact that girls as spoiled as Chloé would react like that because I met a fair share of people like that. They all threw a huge tantrum when they got told off.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying Chloé doesn't have the potential to change. Infact, she definitely has the potential to change. But not like this. Chloé needs to hit rock bottom before she can actually change. And no, getting told you can't have the Bee Miraculous anymore is not rock bottom. The first thing that needs to happen is for her father to stand up to her. And as seen in (⚠️Season 4 Spoiler warning⚠️) Queen Banana André finally did stand up to Chloé. If he keeps that up that might be good start (⚠️End of Spoiler⚠️). After Chloé doesn't get everything she wants from her father anymore there's two things that can happen: Either she becomes a complete lost cause and doesn't learn anything from it or rather she doesn't want to learn or she learns that not everything will always go her way and that she can't have everything (specifically the Bee Miraculous, as you can't buy it.). This also might cause her to become less selfish and start thinking more about the others. Even if that doesn't happen maybe Zoé (because she's Chloé's half sister) or Adrien (because he is/was Chloé's childhood best friend and would love to help her) could come in to help Chloé become less selfish. But again for that to happen Chloé first needs to learn that not everything goes how she wants it and she can't have everything. And again this won't happen if everything is handed to her like it has been all these years.

Please understand that I am not hating on Chloé. Chloé may even be one of my favorite characters for the exact reasons I mentioned here. Because even tho she's a stereotypical bully she has depth to her character. And if she'll ever truly change she'd might just become one of the more relatable characters in the show.

And I know I am none of the writers so I do not know what they thought while writing the finale and the rest of Chloé's arc but to me this seems like the most logical explanation. I do not think the writers hate Chloé. That just makes no sense. They have developed her past and backstory and stuff like that way too much for them to hate her. If they truly hated her I don't even think they would have developed her character like that. If they truly hated her they would have left her like Lila with little to no information about her past or basically anything that explains her actions.

So please, I ask you please do not harass the writers for their decisions. Just please for once try to understand their thought process. Maybe you just didn't truly understand what they meant because as I explained Chloé's arc was deceiving. On the surface it looked like a redemption arc but truly it wasn't.

I am not claiming to have fully understood what the writers where trying to say but I do think I got close to what they were trying to say. I am also very sorry if I might have not been able to explain some of the points well. While I did rewatch every episode while writing this I did not want to put in every single episode (which might have gotten my points across even better) as the post has already gotten way too long. Not many people like to read much so probably only a few will even have read this completely. But to those who did take the time to read it all, thank you for having taken the time. I'd really like to hear your opinion on my take on this topic. Because while I do think this might be somewhat close to what the writers where trying to do it most likely isn't exactly what they wanted. I'd really like to hear your opinion on my take on this topic. Because as I said while I do think this might be somewhat close to what the writers where trying to do it most likely isn't exactly what they wanted. Maybe some of you have something to debunk or maybe even strengthen my points. Both is fine as long as everyone's nice towards each other. I do not want to see some kind of war. So please be kind towards each other.

[lipstickchainsaw]

Kris...?

I finished Deltarune chapter 2 a couple of days ago, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since, so now you all get to share in some of those musings!

Spoilers for Deltarune chapter 2, naturally.

The situation surrounding Kris is a little complicated, because we, as the player, as explicitly possessing them against their will, which means most of the actions they take are not theirs, they are ours.

This dichotomy is present in each of the protagonists of this series, but Kris is most clearly unhappy with our presence. Frisk seems to have very little of an opinion on our actions (to the point where them not being us is a reveal), and Chara’s relationship with the player is too complicated to really delve into here, but there’s some mutual egging on happening in that relationship. (I doubt I will be able to avoid Chara as a subject entirely, given the similarities between them and Kris, but this isn’t primarily about them.)

But our control over Kris is not absolute. Kris is able to assert themselves in various ways, most prominently by literally ripping the player out of themselves, by ripping out the SOUL, but this is where the interesting things start:

For one, the battered birdcage suggests that Kris has ripped their SOUL many times already, which means they’ve done so before the player turned up to take possession of them. This would imply that someone else has take possession of Kris before. The first save we override when playing Chapter 1 is Kris’, which means that they resisted that possession and took control over themselves back before we showed up.

Secondly, Kris willingly puts the SOUL back in in chapter 2. This is either because Kris recognises that they need that SOUL, even if it comes with possession, or because it offers some other advantages that make the possession worth it in some sense, but we’ll get into that later.

 Who is Kris?

So, we know Kris does not like the possession (his response to the Spamton fight makes this exceedingly clear), but beyond that, there are a lot of details we can fill in about who they are.

For one, Kris has really grown to like Susie. They protect her entirely of their own volition when fighting the King, and the Susie Tea heals Kris the most (Ralsei Tea notably does not, but we’ll get to that). Maybe it’s because Susie gets to be as rebellious as she wants, and Kris appreciates having someone around to call out the bullshit they see around them that our control doesn’t let them comment on, maybe it’s something else. It’s hard to tell, because Kris’ relationship is filtered almost entirely through us, but their other relationships aren’t.

Berdly acknowledges that Kris is the third-smartest person in class (which means Kris is the second-smartest, depending on how much help they’ve received from Toriel), and we know from basically everyone that Kris has been a little creepy, unsettling and quiet for a good long while now. They used to do a lot of mean pranks (especially targeting Noelle). One could argue that these pranks went a little too far, but Noelle doesn’t seem to be that upset about those pranks anymore.

This is made more interesting when looking at that moment in chapter 2, where you, as the player, can prank Noelle on the forcefield puzzle, but then, when Noelle pranks Kris back, Kris looks very upset about this. This either means that Kris has gotten over their pranking days, or it’s the unfairness involved that makes this specific instance unpleasant.

We also know that Kris really, really loves Asriel, and wanted to hang out with Asriel and his friends a lot as a kid, even if that meant people like Catty and Bratty taking advantage of them, and we know Kris studied the occult with Catti at some point. Kris also likes to play the piano, and is very frustrated that we don’t know how to.

Oh, and there’s that weird (bomb?) shelter to the south of town that Kris apparently has a history with.

 What’s up with that?

The sound coming from that shelter is plenty ominous already, but Monster Kid and Snowy’s conversation in chapter 2 makes it very clear that Kris has gone in there, and the minor interaction with Susie afterwards indicates that this is not something that Kris likes to talk about.

Now, that shelter is pretty clearly associated with Gaster, and Gaster has been known to experiment with souls, so I do not think it’s much of a stretch to suggest that this is where Kris was first possessed, and things turned for the worse for them.

Kris and Noelle have also gone through something pretty traumatic, possibly involving Noelle’s sister Dess (likely short for December), and the location mentioned for this event makes it very likely that these are the same thing.

So Kris explored that shelter (with Noelle and December, perhaps), stumbled across something bad, and likely got possessed, which they struggled with for a while (turning quiet and strange in the meantime, and alienating the people around them), before fighting the possession off and being left depressed and exhausted, almost perpetually.

But then, there’s another side to Kris.

 The Knight

In chapter 2, we learn that Kris is the Knight, who has created at least two dark worlds, and creates a third at the end of chapter 2. Kris either cannot do this, or does not want to do this, while we’re possessing them, but what’s left of Kris after they rip their SOUL out is a shambling mess of a person, which goes some way to explaining why they accept the SOUL back after they’ve done their thing.

Now, we don’t know Kris also created the original dark world in the supply closet (and we know that one existed before the one in the abandoned classroom), since Ralsei never mentions the Knight creating that one, but, well, Ralsei has been keeping his information close to his chest.

It is interesting, however, that Kris created the dark world in the abandoned classroom before we showed up to possess them, so clearly we are not the (only) reason they’re doing this, but if we aren’t, then what is?

 Ralsei

Ralsei is always incredibly supportive of Kris, to the point of seemingly crushing on them over the course of the games, but Kris does not seem to quite return those affections (given the lukewarm response to the Ralsei Tea compared to the Susie Tea), regardless of whether we do.

Ralsei is also very mysterious, and has, so far, not shared everything he knows about what’s going on. There’s also some hints in the Snowgrave route that Ralsei knows the player and Kris are not the same person, and that he’s using our ability to switch perspectives to actually talk to Kris, which means he isn’t necessarily hiding things from Kris as he is hiding things from us. Just look at how quickly he tells Kris not to think about the Spamton fight, after Kris has their outburst (if you choose to let them say ‘no’).

So, I think Ralsei may be making plans with Kris behind our backs, which makes it very possible that Ralsei knows Kris is the Knight, and is creating these new dark worlds, which would seemingly contradict his desire not to blanket the world in darkness, but, well, there could be a lot he’s hiding from us still.

Does that mean we’re the bad guys? Does it mean Kris and Ralsei are the bad guys? Either is possible, I suppose, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable of Kris and Ralsei to keep information hidden from the powerful entity possessing Kris. We could be nice, sure, but at any point we have the power to do something awful (a fear the Snowgrave route proves to be very real), so I can hardly blame the two of them for not telling us everything immediately.

So maybe Ralsei’s relentless encouragement and pushing for pacifism is meant for us? To make sure our possession of Kris is as easy on them as possible? And on those occasions where our possession gets to be too much for Kris, they can rip their SOUL out and deal with all the bubbling anger and frustration by unleashing it on some tires, and creating a dark world, before putting the SOUL back and go on with whatever plan Kris and Ralsei have going on?

Do their choices matter, in the end? Do ours?

 I have another thing I want to write about that theme, but it’s not entirely related to this one, and this is long and rambling enough already, so let me know if that’s something you’re interested in and I might put it together.

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

What Cristabel Did

EXTENSIVE SPOILERS for Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth below. If you haven’t read both books, skip the rest of this post. In fact just get off tumblr and go read them instead. I guarantee they’re better than anything else you’ll find here. 

I think I know why John Gaius didn’t tell his disciples about the perfect Lyctorhood, and I don’t think it had to do with sharing power or with AL. I think it’s the same reason why Augustine and Mercymorn hate each other, why Anastasia was the only one to figure out the Eightfold Word, and why Mercy doesn’t want to hear her cavalier’s name.

tl;dr I think Cristabel and Alfred tried to kill some number of the original disciples, forcing them to try for lyctorhood before the ritual was fully understood, and John kept quiet because he didn’t want to tell them they’d killed their cavaliers for nothing.

The handwritten note at the end of the sermon on cavaliers and necromancers says, “valancy says one flesh one end sounds like instructions for a sex toy. can’t stop thinking about that so can someone stop cris and alfred before the sex toy phrase catches on, thanks.” This early in the Nine Houses’ history the entire concept of necromancer and cavalier is still being figured out. It sounds like Cristabel and Alfred were the main drivers behind the idea of the cavalier-necromancer relationship as a formal, sacred oath, coming up with the phrase “one flesh, one end” in the process. Much much later Silas Octakiseron brands the ritual of lyctorhood a mortal sin and heresy as soon as he hears what it entails, because he treats the cavalier-necromancer bond as a sacrament akin to a holy marriage. To trespass against that bond, he declares, was to sin against the Emperor himself. The sermon before the handwritten note backs up that idea, talking about the combination as having all sorts of profound religious symbolism.

Therefore: what if the disciples were working on the ritual of lyctorhood and hadn’t yet figured the cavalier didn’t have to die, when Cristabel and Alfred decided they had to take action to keep any of them from trying? What if, like Silas in Canaan House, Cristabel decided the idea of the adept killing their cavalier was rank heresy and had to be prevented by any means necessary, and convinced Alfred of it as well? Cristabel was from the Eighth House, though early enough that it may not have taken on its hardline personality - then again, perhaps Cristabel’s actions are why it did take on that hardline personality. Augustine calls her an idiot, but also “a fanatic,” and his own brother someone who “regretted that he wasn’t.”

Augustine says that he became a lyctor “under scrambling pressure,” and when Harrow tells the Emperor that she became a lyctor under duress, he replies, “You aren’t the first.” Then when Augustine is talking to John about Alfred, he says, “I have built an entire myriad on the idea that I could’ve made him come around, given five minutes.” That’s in response to John saying, “No one could make him do anything he didn’t want to.” That could mean either Augustine thinks he could have talked Alfred into willingly dying to perform the ritual, or that he could have talked Alfred out of doing something else dire. The way John phrases it makes me think it’s the latter, because in the context of the conversation they’re discussing Cristabel’s influence, and John knows that the lyctoral ritual can be performed even if the cavalier is unwilling. 

So: Cristabel and Alfred decide that they need to do whatever it takes to keep the other disciples from performing the ritual. Either by accident or design, they put Augustine in a situation where he’s facing imminent death - maybe not intentionally on Alfred’s part, but it happens. Augustine chooses to kill his brother and take in his soul to survive as a lyctor, becoming the first to ascend. This fits with Augustine’s loathing of Mercymorn, who in his mind forced him to murder his brother; of his own immortality, since it was gained at the cost of murdering family; and of necromancy in general. He has to convince himself that he could have talked Alfred into making the sacrifice if there were time to ask because otherwise the guilt will destroy him.

After ascension, Augustine’s probably fighting Alfred’s soul, but he’s a powerful spirit magician. Like Ianthe he may be scattered but he’s still present. So now he rounds on Cristabel and probably mortally wounds her. He means to finish the job but Mercymorn intervenes, alerted to what’s happening by all the chaos. She finds her cavalier dying. Cristabel asks her to avenge her and kill Augustine and, since she’s already dying, to use her soul to do it. Mercy finishes Cristabel off and swallows her soul, becoming the second lyctor. So from the very beginning Mercymorn is absolutely set on Augustine’s death and blames him for Cristabel’s death and, in an indirect way, forcing her to become a lyctor as well.

After that it gets a little fuzzy. Events could go several different ways and we just don’t have enough info. I favor the idea that maybe the rampage continues - or maybe Cristabel and Alfred had set all of them up to be in mortal peril (possibly in space, where an adept’s powers won’t work but a lyctor’s would) - because of Mercy’s quote at Cytherea’s funeral: “I never saw her cry except once. The day after. When we put together the research. When she became a Lyctor. I said, There was no alternative. She said, We had the choice to stop.” Mercy saying “there was no alternative” and Cytherea answering with “we had the choice to stop” makes me think everyone was in duress. Mercy saying, “the day after. When we put together the research,” makes me think that they hadn’t fully pieced together the ritual even though six people had already ascended; Augustine improvised. “The day after” also makes me think that most of the lyctors ascended in a single night. If Augustine through Cassiopeia ascended in a group, only Cytherea and Anastasia would be left. Loveday volunteered for the rite in hopes of curing Cytherea, so that’s a non-distress motive for them to ascend as well. That leaves only Anastasia, who now has plenty of time to figure it out on her own.

Where’s John in all this? Remember what Ianthe said when she was trying to regrow her arm? She thought John would tell her to try it on her own first to build her own skill. Maybe John was letting his disciples work out lyctorhood on their own, expecting that they’d figure out the full ritual in time. If they’d planned to try the imperfect ritual, he probably would have stepped in and said, “No, no one has to die, yes now you’re mad at me because I knew the answer all along but it was a learning experience okay.” But because Augustine had to make a scrambling improvisation, John didn’t get the chance to intervene. So before he can do anything, Augustine and Mercy, plus some number of the middle four, have already killed their cavaliers and swallowed their souls (meaning no resurrection). He’s faced with the choice of telling them that those murders weren’t necessary, or keeping the secret and letting Loveday and Cytherea go through with the imperfect ritual. John tells himself that it’ll hurt them all too much if he tells them they killed their cavaliers for nothing, and Loveday’s willing to die already. He stays quiet.

That leaves only Anastasia. With the benefit of time and the others’ experience, Anastasia realizes the ritual can be done without killing the cavalier. She plays this close to the vest, uncertain of her results and unwilling to traumatize the others unless she’s sure. Just in case she’s right, she bans everyone except John from watching her attempt. If she succeeds and Samael lives, they can figure out how to break it to the others. But something goes wrong - or John sabotages her - and Samael dies, leaving Anastasia thinking she didn’t have it right after all.

A myriad later, John and the other lyctors have yet to allow or invite any other adepts to attain lyctorhood, believing the cost is too high. But now they’re down to four lyctors and three Resurrection Beasts, and those four lyctors are showing the strain. So John invites the heirs and their cavaliers to Canaan House. He knows his first disciples left the necessary information behind to put together the rite - only the imperfect rite, but that’s okay because this time there won’t be anyone making the choice under duress. As he tells Harrow, “I intended for the new Lyctors to become Lyctors after thinking and contemplating and genuinely understanding their sacrifice—an act of bravery, not an act of fear and desperation. Nobody was meant to lose their lives unwillingly at Canaan House.” If the cavaliers are okay with it, he’s not on the hook, he reasons. He’ll keep his secret and get new lyctors without any fresh guilt on his conscience.

Except of course it doesn’t work out that way. As usual, John’s future plans are sabotaged by his past plans coming back to haunt him. He ends up gaining one and a half lyctors at the unexpected cost of one old lyctor, so that’s a net gain of half a lyctor with several heirs dead in the process. And then an even newer plan gets sabotaged by an even older plan, leaving him with one and a half, possibly two functioning lyctors. Meanwhile Camilla and Palamedes are out there probably as a functional lyctor-cavalier pair that he doesn’t know about, because Palamedes has been stuck in freeze-frame hell for long enough to come to the same conclusions as Anastasia. It’s not gonna go well for John, ey?

[ibijau]

on AO3

Beta Nie Huaisang goes to check on omega Lan Xichen, since his lover hasn't gotten in touch in a few weeks. When he finds Lan Xichen nesting, he can only conclude that the child isn't his.

It had been a while since Nie Huaisang had last seen Lan Xichen, and longer still since he had come to the Cloud Recesses. Usually, for everyone’s convenience, it was simpler for the two of them to meet in the Unclean Realm, where people knew to mind their own business, and where Nie Huaisang’s failings as a sect leader gave them a good excuse to spend time together.

It had been over two months since they’d last met. In all that time, Lan Xichen had only written once, and about sect business too, so it hardly counted at all. And so Nie Huaisang, who was in the area for some other dealings of his, had decided that it would probably be fine to drop by and check on the omega. 

The men watching the gate did not bat an eye upon seeing him, since it wasn’t so unusual for him to come unannounced, but one evasively warned him that Lan Xichen might be busy. That wasn’t a problem of course. Nie Huaisang had a permanent invitation to make himself at home in the Hanshi for those times Lan Xichen wasn’t free to deal with him right away.

So like always he headed right for the Hanshi, already wondering what tea he’d make for himself while Lan Xichen dealt with his own business. Only when he entered the Hanshi, Nie Huaisang was struck by an unexpected sight.

The Hanshi, usually so neat and tidy that one could have eaten off the floor, was an absolute mess . There were fabrics everywhere in all shades of white and blue as well as the occasional dash of green, plus a great number of cushions of many sizes that Lan Xichen was organising in some manner that must have made sense to him.

Nie Huaisang gaped at the sight.

Lan Xichen was nesting.

There was no other explanation. Although Nie Huaisang was a beta, as a sect leader he’d had to deal with that sort of things before. People were always surprised to hear about it, but Qinghe Nie was very welcoming to omega disciples, and of course alphas had to deal with their spouses. A whole portion of the sect’s budget was dedicated to this sort of things, just because Nie Huaisang had found that it spelled trouble to have a frustrated omega failing to build their nest exactly as they envisioned it. In fact, although he complained about the waste of money, Nie Huaisang found the process somewhat fascinating, and he’d always been happy to give his opinion whenever asked for it.

This nest, though, was instantly hateful to him.

It wasn’t as though Lan Xichen and him had made any clear promises to each other. They liked to fool around when they could, but being a beta he couldn’t mark the omega, and would have been unlikely to ever impregnate him. That was the whole reason why Lan Xichen allowed himself such liberties with Nie Huaisang: it was a safe way to scratch that itch without ruining his prospects for a proper match when the time came. 

Still, even without promises, Nie Huaisang had thought they had a certain understanding. He had never taken other lovers since falling in bed with Lan Xichen, and not just because he was too busy for it. Compared to the esteemed Zewu-Jun, everyone else felt boring, no matter if they were alphas, omegas, or betas. But Nie Huaisang himself, by comparison… well, if Lan Xichen had found himself a proper mate, an alpha, he couldn’t be blamed for it of course.

Busy with the delicate task of constructing his nest, Lan Xichen didn’t realise that he had company until Nie Huaisang closed the door behind himself, a little more forcefully than he should have.

He hated the way Lan Xichen’s face illuminated upon seeing him, so pretty like this, kneeling in the middle of his half built nest.

“A-Sang!” he exclaimed,. “I was just about to write to you, as soon as I finished with this.”

He gestured at the mess around him, and Nie Huaisang couldn’t help a disdainful scoff.

“I think I’d have waited a long while before seeing that letter then,” he remarked. “Congratulations are in order it seems. And I suppose I’d better leave you to it, you seem very busy.”

“Nonsense, you simply have to help me,” Lan Xichen protested, picking up an embroidered cushion and looking around for the best place to put it. “I’m not too good at this, but you’ve said you’ve helped with that sort of things before, right? I need your expertise, A-Sang.”

If Nie Huaisang had been a reasonable person, if he’d had a little more pride, he would have left immediately. Hearing himself still being called A-Sang after this hurt too much, as did Lan Xichen’s casual attitude, as if he truly didn’t realise that it might pain Nie Huaisang to discover in such a brutal manner that he had been replaced. Above all, no self-respecting person should have had to help their lover help prepare a nest for someone else’s child.

But apparently, Lan Xichen really saw no wrong with that. Nie Huaisang, kindly, decided to blame it on nesting frenzy rather than on the omega’s tendency to close his eyes to anything he didn’t like thinking about.

Lan Xichen was the only person that Nie Huaisang could have allowed to be so cruel to him without hating him. His one weakness, now and always. So instead of leaving, he quickly untied his shoes and came to join Lan Xichen in the middle of his nest.

“Hold this,” Lan Xichen ordered when Nie Huaisang knelt next to him, handing him some delicate furs, a present from Nie Huaisang himself some years before. “And this, and…”

“Quite the luxurious nest you’re building here,” Nie Huaisang remarked as he started laying the furs and fabrics around so they would be both elegant to look at and comfortable to lay on. “Is that even allowed by your sect’s rules?”

“It’s my nest, I get to decide how I want it,” Lan Xichen replied in a playful tone. “For once in my life, nobody has the right to tell me how to do this. I will take full advantage of it.”

“Hm. And what about whoever sired your child? Don’t they also get a say? Maybe they’ll think this is too ostentatious.”

For some reason, that remark made Lan Xichen laugh. Nie Huaisang found himself increasingly curious as to the identity of whatever alpha had gotten his friend with child. It couldn’t be another Lan, or else Lan Xichen would not actually allow himself to be so extravagant. A Jin then? He really didn’t like the idea that it might be a Jin, because there was only one of them close enough to Lan Xichen for this to happen, and if Jin Guangyao had dared to touch the omega…

“He won’t mind,” Lan Xichen claimed with laughter still in his voice, before grabbing Nie Huaisang to kiss him.

Again, Nie Huaisang thought of protesting on account of his pride.

But what was the value of that pride when Lan Xichen's lips were on his, tender and demanding, when the omega's arms were wrapped around his waist to pull him closer. 

Nie Huaisang had sacrificed his pride for less pleasant purposes before. He didn't mind doing it again, for one last tryst with the man he shouldn't have loved.

One of Nie Huaisang's hands grabbed the back of Lan Xichen's neck. This made him gasp, and gave Nie Huaisang the chance to deepen the kiss, licking into that willing mouth. Then, with his free hand he started pulling on the ties of Lan Xichen's clothes, eager to undress his lover. 

Under layers and layers of pale silk, delicate skin became revealed. Nie Huaisang's fingers lazily danced over his lover's collarbone, over a firm chest, taking a moment to play with a nipple, just for the joy of seeing Lan Xichen's lips part for a soft gasp. His chest was still all muscle, but it would probably soon start to soften and prepare for the child’s arrival. The thought sent heat coursing through Nie Huaisang’s groin, for which he cursed himself. By the time such changes started appearing, everything would be over between them, Lan Xichen would certainly have married whatever lucky idiot had managed to breed him.

Enraged by that idea, Nie Huaisang tore off the rest of the omega’s robes, letting precious silk pool around them and adding to the mess of the half built nest. When Lan Xichen was left in nothing but pants, Nie Huaisang roughly pushed him down against the nearest pile of pillows.

Lan Xichen went down willingly, though could have resisted if he wanted. He was the stronger between them, and by far, but when they were alone he liked to pretend Nie Huaisang could push him around, to play the part of a delicate and submissive omega. Another game between them, another thing they didn’t talk about, and Nie Huaisang to this day didn't know if Lan Xichen did it for his own pleasure, or out of pity for his weak lover.

It had to be at least partly for pleasure, with the way Lan Xichen gasped when Nie Huaisang, having pulled down his pants pushed a finger into him to find him slick with arousal already.

“Zewu-Jun, how shameful of you to get in such a state while nesting,” Nie Huaisang teased, pressing in a second finger already, while his other hand pressed on Lan Xichen' s shoulder, pinning him against the side of his nest.

Lan Xichen writhed weakly, as if trying to escape but unable to.

“A-Sang don’t, ah, don’t call me that,” he complained, gasping when his lover’s fingers found the right places to tease. “It’s not…”

“Then what should I call you?” Nie Huaisang asked, trying to keep his tone casual even as he added another finger. “Er-ge? Lan-gege? Xichen-ge? A-Huan, perhaps?”

Lan Xichen, whose eyes had closed upon that most welcome assault, opened them again and whined at that last suggestion. Even though they had been doing this for some years now, Nie Huaisang had never really dared to use his lover’s personal name, fearing it would have been too intimate for the sort of relationship they had. Now though, if he was to lose all this, there was little point in not taking everything he could before it was over.

“You’re so wet, A-Huan,” he accused, removing his fingers from his lover’s hole and carelessly wiping them against the side of his naked thigh. “Isn’t it against your sect’s rules to be unrestrained?”

Lan Xichen pouted at feeling himself empty again, and shivered at Nie Huaisang’s words. As if suddenly remembering something, he quickly sat up in spite of the hand pushing down on his chest, proving that Nie Huaisang was only in control because it was granted to him. Nie Huaisang found it a more potent aphrodisiac than actually having the strength to subdue his lover could have been. He then saw Lan Xichen quickly reach behind his head, saw the white embroidered ribbon he wore be loosened and slide down, saw his lover smile at him with that spark of mischief Lan Xichen only ever showed when they were alone together.

“There, now I’m allowed to be unrestrained,” Lan Xichen said after dropping the ribbon out of the way and carefully laying down on the side of his nest again. “Let’s make the best of this, A-Sang.”

He opened his legs a little wider, shamelessly inviting Nie Huaisang to come enjoy his body. Nie Huaisang, in turn, pretended to ignore him and started undressing himself, taking care to fold everything neatly so it wouldn’t get lost in the luxurious mess of that nest around them. Lan Xichen observed him with hunger at first, which quickly turned to frustration.

“You’re teasing me,” he accused with a slight whine to his voice that made Nie Huaisang want to devour him.

“I’m just trying to be respectful,” Nie Huaisang retorted while fighting with his pants, the last item of clothing on him. “I believe your sect has a rule against undue haste, and against being careless with one’s possessions.”

“Then stop being careless with me,” Lan Xichen ordered.

Nie Huaisang froze, unsure whether to cry or laugh. Once again, he was stunned by how innocently cruel his lover was that day. He really should have put an end to this joke and gone home, leaving Lan Xichen to go get fucked by whatever alpha he’d found himself.

He should have.

He couldn’t.

Instead, Nie Huaisang quickly finished undressing, dropping his pants to the side without even pretending to fold them this time, and came to kneel between Lan Xichen’s legs. The omega smiled up at him, so radiant it hurt.

Without thinking, Nie Huaisang’s hand trailed down his lover’s chest, coming to rest on his stomach. Nothing was showing yet, not even the first signs of softness, though when he probed using spiritual energy, he definitely felt there was something there, a presence too small to have reached consciousness yet. 

The pregnancy wasn’t very far along, three months perhaps, which would place its start rather close to the last time Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen had been together. That would fit, of course. Last time, Lan Xichen had needed to leave the Unclean Realm in something of a hurry when his heat had surprised him, forcing him to rush home before it overcame him completely… or so Nie Huaisang had thought at the time. 

Back then, he’d been disappointed that they’d barely managed to fool around at all. He’d been disappointed at himself, also, for still not finding the courage to ask Lan Xichen to stay, heat or not. With himself a beta there was so little risk of unwanted consequences, while surely it would have been more comfortable for Lan Xichen to go through this with a partner for once…

As it turned out, Lan Xichen hadn’t faced the discomfort of his heat alone. He just hadn’t wanted to spend it with Nie Huaisang either.

Suddenly, Nie Huaisang grabbed Lan Xichen's arm, forcing him to turn around. Lan Xichen willingly obeyed and got on his hands and knees, a spark of excitement in his eyes. He gasped when Nie Huaisang pressed into him faster than he normally did. But then, normally he wasn't so angry at the man he… 

The man he didn't want to love, Nie Huaisang thought as he started moving without giving the omega time to adjust. The man he shouldn't have loved. The man who he should have known he'd never get to keep. 

“A-Sang, be gentle,” Lan Xichen begged, before moaning when Nie Huaisang, instead, fucked him harder. 

The beta soon fell into a punishing rhythm, skin slapping against skin. The only sounds leaving Nie Huaisang’s mouth were grunts, while Lan Xichen alternated between begging to be treated gently or more roughly, as if unable to make up his mind. 

When Lan Xichen's pleasure cries became louder, his body tighter, Nie Huaisang found it in him to fuck even harder into that too willing body, until at last Lan Xichen tensed under him, coming undone with a silent gasp. Nie Huaisang kept going, enjoying that slick tightness for a few thrusts more until he felt he could hold on no longer. 

Pressing inside as far as he could go, Nie Huaisang bent down and bit as hard as he could onto Lan Xichen while spilling his seed.

It was a vain effort, of course. Still, when Nie Huaisang’s senses returned to him and he saw the imprint of his teeth on the side of Lan Xichen's neck, almost deep enough to have broken the skin, he felt a twisted satisfaction. The mark would fade in a few days, a few hours even if Lan Xichen expended some energy to get rid of it. But now Nie Huaisang knew what the man he didn't want to love would have looked, had he been able to mark him and keep him. 

A memory he would surely cherish in the future, when nothing else remained. 

Nie Huaisang pulled out and sat up on his haunches, the better to look at Lan Xichen lying under him, beautiful in his contentment, pale skin decorated by the first signs of future bruises. If he hadn't just come, the sight of such perfection on display for him would have made him hard. Even like that he felt some new desire run through him. 

Lan Xichen cracked open one eye. He smiled, turned around to rest his back against the now crumbling side of his nest, and opened his arms in a silent invitation. One that Nie Huaisang should have refused, the same as he should have refused all the rest. One he took, as he had taken all the rest. 

It was comfortable to lay like this, his head on Lan Xichen's chest, cuddled against one side of that hateful nest. Nie Huaisang could have fallen asleep like this, sated and warm, with Lan Xichen's long fingers lazily tracing senseless patterns on his back. 

Life didn't get better than this, and Nie Huaisang was selfish enough to take what wasn't his to enjoy. 

"I was thinking what we should do, since both our sects need an heir," Lan Xichen said, just as Nie Huaisang was abput to fall asleep. "If it's a girl, let's raise it like a Nie. Your sect is more reasonable about letting women rule, so it'd be… you don't like that?" 

Nie Huaisang shook his head, his body suddenly so tense he could barely breathe, let alone speak. 

That child was his? 

He would have assumed… betas weren't very fertile, and everyone said they had better chances of conceiving with a woman of any sort than a male omega. Nie Huaisang had made his peace with that, knowing he and Lan Xichen wouldn't… That there would only ever be a very low chance of...

But a low chance was still a chance. 

"It's fine if you'd rather see a boy inherit Qinghe Nie as well," Lan Xichen said, his hand turned soothing on Nie Huaisang's back. "In that case if it's a girl, we'll get to spoil her." 

"I don't mind seeing our daughter rule the Unclean Realm," Nie Huaisang weakly replied, still terrified he'd misunderstood somehow, that Lan Xichen had just been carelessly cruel again, that… 

But Lan Xichen kissed the top of his head with affection, and took to running his fingers through Nie Huaisang’s hair. 

"We'll see when the baby is there," Lan Xichen concluded. "I… you want this too, don't you?" he asked, suddenly sounding worried. "We never really spoke about… if you don't want to be involved, I'll… of course I won't force you. I can raise it alone if you're not interested."

Nie Huaisang rose on his elbows to look at the man he loved, who carried his child, and was shocked to find Lan Xichen looking truly worried. As if there were anyone in the world who wouldn't give everything to be in Nie Huaisang’s place. As if Nie Huaisang himself hadn't been ready to sacrifice any dignity he had left for what he thought were scraps of Lan Xichen’s attention. 

"We're raising our child together," Nie Huaisang firmly stated. "I'll claim it if you let me, I'll marry you if you let me. Anything you want from me, just ask and it's yours." 

Lan Xichen smiled brightly at him, happy beyond words. Nie Huaisang found it in him to smile back.

He would just have to get Mo Xuanyu to hurry up with that ritual, so that Jin Guangyao could be taken care of before the birth.

[kookiepredictions]

Message from Jungkook’s Higher Self to his DF

My most precious,

I have been thinking about you again. Well, I say again, but I had never stopped in the first place. Do you think about me too? I think you do. At least I want to believe you do. I feel like that’s all that I have left right now. I feel so lost and confused. I feel like I’m trapped in a maze, but I’m not stuck in one place. I’m moving through this maze. And I’m moving willingly. It’s like there’s something at the end of that maze that is calling out to me and I can’t seem to refuse. I feel like I’m ensnared by that calling and I must keep moving towards it. It feels like I have free will but at the same time, I have absolutely no control over it. I don’t want to stop, but even if I wanted to, I couldn’t stop. So I have just 2 choices: either move towards the end of that maze, or be constantly restless. The only problem is, I don’t have a map to this maze. I’m moving but I don’t know if I’m moving in the right direction. Am I getting any closer or am I getting further away? No one else seems to know either. I look for help from others but when they do, I feel like it’s useless. I have to find my own way. I’m all on my own in this path. The only person I know can help me is you. I know you are the only one who can tell me exactly what is wrong with me and how to right it. So I look for you everywhere and everytime. And then it dawns on me— is this maze leading me to you? Is that why I can’t refuse its calling? Or is there more to it? And why do I think you are the only one who can help me? I’ve known for a while now that I love you. But this feels like a lot more than what I have known the word “love” to mean. Who are you to me and why do I need you so much? Every song, every movie, every person, every place reminds me of you. How are you more present in my life than the actual people present in my life? How do you have more control over my feelings than I have over them? As if it’s not scary enough that I am so addicted to you, I don’t even know if what I’m addicted to is real or an illusion. Are you even a real person? Is our connection even real or is it all in my head? Are you a “Twin Flame”, a “Soulmate”? Have I met you in the “Past?” I don’t understand these terms and the more I learn, the more confused and lost I feel. Are you a “Karmic”? Are you here to punish and torture me for everything that I have done wrong? Tbh, that seems more likely. Half of me expects you to one day say to me, wake up, all that shit is in your head. Or, haha, you really thought I would fall in love with someone like you? However that conversation goes, it always ends up with me heartbroken. Maybe I want you so much because I believe I can never have you. And why would I? What have I ever done to deserve you and a love so perfect? Why would I get so lucky? There are so many other people who deserve this more, then why would I be The One?

Frankly, this is what I’ve always felt about myself. I got all this success and fame at such a young age. And what have I done exactly for this? I have only done what I have been told to do by other people. When there were struggles and problems, the older members and other people stressed out and solved them. I didn’t do much. Yeah, I practice hard and all, but that’s really the least I could do. Failure or success, whatever has come to me, has fallen into my lap due to someone else’s effort. I have never felt like I completely deserve it. People always say, BTS are so humble, Jungkook is so humble. But I have never seen myself as an amazing person or even a nice person. Yet people always seem to believe that about me, so I’m like, alright if that makes them happy. And so I live a dual life every day. I give people what makes them happy, but I never let myself believe what they believe about me. I know who I am. I have indulgences that I am not proud of. If people knew everything about me, they would not love me at all. Not that it mattered to me that much. I had adjusted to this dual life. But now it does. It matters to me what you think about me, how you see me. And it terrifies me because what if you think I am bad person? What if you don’t love me or even like me? My mind says it shouldn’t matter, but my heart says it does. Why does your opinion matter so much?

For as long as I can remember, I have had very high ideals regarding love— and boy I started young! I wished for a perfect love story and went into connections hoping for it but somehow it always eluded me. In my head, it always seemed perfect, but the reality always turned out to be different. I don’t really blame the other person either. I just blame it on my fate, really. At some point, it started looking like I was fated to be in connections that would never fulfil me. Sometimes I tried to adjust and compromise, and sometimes I felt really frustrated and restless for more. I never categorically felt like I wanted something more, but it always felt like there could be more. And yet, how do you look for something you don’t even know exists?

I wished for a perfect love but I did not know what I was signing up for. I always thought if and when I fell in true love, my life would become so much easier. And so when I met you, and I had all these deep feelings for you, I thought, that’s it, now my life will be so much easier and happier. But then things took a drastic turn. You know how it feels when you are taking a trip somewhere and you’re on the bus and everyone later talks about how amazing the journey was, and you realize you missed it because you were asleep throughout that journey and now you wish you weren’t? That’s how it feels right now. I wish I wasn’t so asleep when I met you. I wish I had cherished you more. There’s so much I want to do for you now but I feel like I missed my chance. I feel like I let you down and I can’t forgive myself for that. I replay the past over and over wishing I had acted differently. I pray often and every time, I pray for a second chance with you. But then I think, if I hate myself so much for having hurt you, surely you must hate me more. You always assure me that you love me, but I find it so hard to believe because how could you ever forgive me? How could you ever want me back? And that’s the moment when I feel like I am only being delusional. You are no Twin Flame of mine, you are a punishment served to me by God— a punishment the pain from which I can never recover from. Once again, love has eluded me and I am fated to live the rest of my life in pain and regret, only this time I can clearly see that I have ruined it with my own actions.

But then again, a part of me never wanted to accept this fate. A very, very small voice inside me told me this time it was somehow different. That I still had hope. That I had reason to keep trying. And that is crazy because what reason do I have? I don’t even know if this is real! I have been advised by people to be careful, to not trust you so much. And truthfully, I have tried doing that as well. I have tried forgetting you, not thinking about you. But it’s always like when you’re told not to think about something, and you start thinking about it more. I have tried to reason with myself, used logic. But I always keep drawn back into that maze again. I must find my way through it. I’m afraid something dangerous might be on the other side of it and I don’t want to land in trouble and take those who I love with me, but I can’t stop! What is this self destructive behaviour? When and how did I start trusting you so much? I feel I am at the edge of a cliff ready to take a plunge and I am terrified. What if you are not on the other side of it? What if you deceive me, let go of me, leave me to die? I think of all this and then an even terrifying thought comes up— that I am, indeed, more willing to destroy myself at your call, than to take the chance to lose you. No one should have that kind of power over anyone. I feel like you have me under a spell but it is a spell I am willingly submitting to because it brings me so much peace and joy. I have never known this ecstasy and I am addicted to it. And it’s irreplaceable and unreplicable. You are the only source of it. I know because I have tried finding it elsewhere. From other people, from work, from my ambitions. It’s never the same. You make me so happy! I can spend hours with you and still never get enough of you. I could have you wrapped tight in my arms and still feel like you’re not close enough. You feel so close to me and still so far away. You’re always right within reach and yet I still can’t hold you. It’s frustrating! I don’t want to be stuck in this place forever because it’s torture. I want all of you but I am afraid you’ll not want me. I don’t know which is worse— to be rejected by you or to never try and find out if you wouldn’t. I throw emotional tantrums trying to get you to react and respond because that’s the only way I know how to get your attention because what else can I do? What can I give you that you don’t already have? And this is another aspect of this connection that I am scared of as well. How can I match you? What can I give you? For many years, I have seen myself in a certain way. I know why people like me or love me. I am Jeon Jungkook of BTS. For so long, that was my identity. You came along and shattered that illusion. Suddenly that identity isn’t enough anymore. I feel naked around you. I feel poor. What is my identity, I don’t know anymore. I was comfortable living a life of playing a role for other people to make them accept and love me, but it’s not working on you. And honestly, now that I see it through your eyes, I don’t like it anymore either. Who am I now? I feel like a nobody. What can a nobody give you? What can a nobody give anyone? I hate being here. And yet, there’s a strange sense of liberation in this that I have never felt before. As comfortable as I have been living a dual life so far, it also felt like a burden on my shoulders. I could never truly be myself with anyone. Now I feel like I can, with you. But what if you don’t like who I truly am? I am so scared to look at myself. This is the reason why I throw tantrums to get your attention. It is easier than looking into myself. Because I fear that if I did, I will only see bad things. I will only see myself taking and taking and taking from others and I will see my judgment in there— that I am indeed a very bad person and for that, I am punished to live a life without you. If that is the truth, I don’t want to know the truth. I want to live in this beautiful illusion forever— or so I think, until I am tired of living in the illusion and want the truth. I want to know how you feel about me. I want to know if there is hope for me in this journey or if I am trying in vain. I want to know if I’m on the right track or if I’m going crazy. I am lost, I am lonely even with so many people around me, and I have no map nor a compass. All I’m being shown is the edge of this cliff and being told to take a leap of faith and even the courage that it requires I need you for that.

And then I wonder, am I annoying you with all my neediness? Are you liking me less and less every day because of how lost and incapable I am in this journey? You are so smooth, you have figured everything out and everyday I try to catch up to you but you are progressing at the speed of light and I feel more and more lost. I feel like I am failing us again. But believe me, I am changing. It might be at a slower pace than yours but I have changed so much than who I used to be before I met you. And that is why I feel that there is something special about this connection— it hasn’t just changed me with regards to you, it has changed me in all areas of my life. And I am so proud and grateful for that. But the path ahead seems to be so long still and then I lose hope and hate this journey. Why does it have to be so difficult and complicated? You love me, I love you, then why can’t we just be together? Isn’t that what love is? That’s it, I am crossing my arms and sitting here and pouting until I get what I want. (lol cutie). And then after my tantrums dissipate, I see the meaning of this journey again. I see all that it has done for me, the way it has changed me, and I am grateful and hopeful again. That small voice has actually been getting louder and louder over the days. I think the balance is tipping in favour of hope. Every day I feel a little more hopeful that we are indeed meant to be together. Maybe that’s what this maze is all about. I see light flickering more strongly at the end of it every passing day. I just have to figure my way out. In doing so, I have been learning to grow more and more confident in my own ability. I may have been discovering my own true self, devoid of my past identity created from my ego. I am purging past energies heavily and having multiple tower moments and ego deaths on the way which is where the moments of pain, the anger comes from, but every day, my resistance is weakening and I am, little by little, accepting this journey for what it is, not what I want it to be. I think I am noticing a pattern here— after the pain always comes the feeling of liberation and power. I want to be everything you want and everything you deserve. No matter what it seems like on the surface— it may seem like I am this selfish evil person who only thinks about his own needs, but believe me, I want to return back to you all the happiness and peace that you have given to me, I want to fulfil all your dreams. It may seem like I don’t value you, but you are my most precious treasure, and I want to make sure you know what your worth is to me. I am trying my best to get there. I am navigating my way as best as I can. I hope it is enough for you. I hope you can be patient with me. I hope you never give up on me. Please don’t ever leave me.

[callisto-rants]

Now that Sk8 the Infinity is over. . .

Can y'all imagine if Adam wasn't actually written like that.....

Am I the only one who thinks the Sk8 the Infinity Anime kinda wasted the potential of Adam's character as well as Tadashi's character? I mean looking at the limited content they presented us with. . . Gave me a bunch of ideas / HCs of what they could have done. . . Instead of doing THAT. . .

Ever notice how we see Adam's dad and his aunts but we never see his mother?

What if Adam was half Japanese and half Spaniard? This could have been an actual explanation for his Spain theme in his skateboarding style! That would be pretty cool too! And maybe the reason why his mother is absent was because she couldn't stand the environment with the Ainosuke family being so unwilling to help her adjust to her new life in Japan, so she just left and abandoned her son. . .

With that I feel like it would have also been kinda interesting if Adam had internalized hatred for his own culture that pushed his mother away? Like it would make sense to why he has an Obsession with European Concepts if it means he could further divide himself away that he's related to his father's family. . .🤔 + To why Adam does not respect / care about cherry, considering how Cherry really embraces his own culture more than the rest of the cast.

While Tadashi could have been the one thing that reminded Adam that he doesn't have to hate everything that reminds him of his father. That is until his father finds out about the skateboarding but instead of the whole . . .

Ainosuke: "What's your opinion on this?"

Tadashi: "I have no opinion"

Adam: Angry for a million years.

What if his father finds out while Adam is away on some errands and Tadashi is there at home with his father and takes the blame for Adam to protect him from his family. Knowing full well that his family can turn abusive in a flash, he insists that he forced Adam to try skateboarding to live a little and that he didn't even want to try in the first place. So, his father just fires Tadashi and his family. When Adam comes back home and asks his father where Tadashi is he tells him he quit and he never cared about Adam in first place. That he should only ever rely on his family, because those are the only people who will stay by him till the bitter end. Which personally to me would create a better reason why Adam would be very bitter towards Tadashi, as well as add an interesting shock value, when he does come back to enter the competition.

Of course this goes without saying but. . . Yeah the whole Adam being creepy towards Langa?

R e m o v e d .

Instead have him just be interested / excited that his skating style is unique and causes you to take more risks as he does. Hell, you could have it where instead of Adam trying to find his Eve he's trying to find the next thrill, because the only way he can feel anything anymore if he's putting his life at risk and getting extremely hurt. As his aunt's tell him pain = love, he's not loving skateboarding unless it's hurting him.

So, he puts on these weekly competitions and tournaments in these dangerous conditions and zero regulations, to challenge the final victor to get a thrill out of it. Winner gets to be the new king of 'S' and gets to decide how 'S' operates from there on. A main motivation for Joe and Cherry, since they don't agree with what Adam is doing, Plus, they also just want to flex they're better at him by playing his little game to stop this madness.

But most importantly. . . IMAGINE THE ANGST. . .

How would Adam feel after seeing Tadashi again after all those years since he left? I can just see him yelling at Tadashi saying "How dare you show your face here, after you abandoned me!" And Tadashi not understanding the misunderstanding here and getting upset as well "I didn't have a choice! You thought I would leave willingly? Not a single day went by where you weren't in my thoughts! If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't be here at all!"

If you think about it Tadashi and Adam could've been a Foil to Reki and Langa. Reki and Langa show a healthy relationship where they both enjoy skateboarding together, in contrast to Tadashi and Adam who's relationship fell apart and they both lost their love for skateboarding over the years. But, by the end of the anime it would be nice if they made up! Adam learns he doesn't need to put his life in danger to enjoy skateboarding and he can forgive and trust Tadashi again.

Although, if Adam isn't going to go to jail at the very least he could transform 'S' into a legal skatepark for the public to boost his political image and his small attempt to make up for his shitty actions. AT THE VERY LEAST.

But, that's just my fun two cents on the whole concepts that could've been implemented or explored more!

[bloody-bee-tea]

BeeTober 2020 Day 19

Dagger - Windy

Day 19 of BeeTober 2020 has more Sangcheng in store, because I might just be weak for those two. So have some pining and love confessions!

Jiang Cheng isn’t sure which gods he usually has to blame for putting him into these situations where he is alone with Nie Huaisang and where he wants to do nothing more than pull him close and kiss the ever-living hell out of him, but at least this time Jiang Cheng knows to blame the weather gods.

It was just a windy afternoon, at least right until Nie Huaisang had entered his apartment and then it turned into a full-blown vicious storm.

Of course Nie Huaisang wouldn’t go back home in this weather.

Of course Jiang Cheng never would let him.

But that leads him to his current predicament, where Nie Huaisang is pacing in his living-room, worrying about Nie Mingjue who had left to see Lan Xichen shortly before Nie Huaisang himself left, and Jiang Cheng decided half an hour ago that sitting on his hands might be the safer option.

At least like that he can’t easily reach out and silence Nie Huaisang in a very different way than simply snapping at him.

Jiang Cheng lets out a silent sigh of relief when Nie Huaisang stops pacing and throws himself into the couch.

“You know, your brother is a grown man,” Jiang Cheng finally says and Nie Huaisang glares at him over his ever-present fan, even though Jiang Cheng has no idea where he usually keeps it. “He can take care of himself. And I doubt Lan Xichen will let him go home in this weather.”

“He better not,” Nie Huaisang says darkly and Jiang Cheng doesn’t even want to imagine what will happen to Lan Xichen if he does let Nie Mingjue leave.

“Doesn’t Lan Xichen love your brother? Do you really think he’d willingly put Nie Mingjue in danger by allowing him to go home?” Jiang Cheng asks and when Nie Huaisang simply hums, Jiang Cheng goes cold.

He shouldn’t have said that. He didn’t allow Nie Huaisang to go home either, and he doesn’t want Nie Huaisang to read anything into that.

Even though it would be the truth.

“Speaking of love,” Nie Huaisang says and Jiang Cheng freezes at his side.

He managed to keep his stupid feelings to himself for so long, and if this is how it all gets out, he’s going to throw himself out of the nearest window.

“Let’s not,” Jiang Cheng bites out, but Nie Huaisang is looking at him from over his fan and Jiang Cheng knows that it’s futile.

Nie Huaisang is like a bloodhound who caught a particular interesting scent.

“I heard some interesting news,” Nie Huaisang goes on, not even bothering to pretend that he hesitates, even just for Jiang Cheng’s sake.

Jiang Cheng groans because this is really not how he intended to spend his afternoon with Nie Huaisang.

“What could you have possibly heard?” Jiang Cheng wants to know, because he’s like eighty percent sure that Nie Huaisang doesn’t know that Jiang Cheng is in love with him.

Jiang Cheng knows that Nie Huaisang wouldn’t be as calm as this, if it was the case. He would probably be yelling at Jiang Cheng already, accusing him of betraying their friendship and throwing a good thing away. 

Jiang Cheng is not looking forward to losing Nie Huaisang as a friend, and so he stayed quiet about his stupid feelings.

“Wei Wuxian mentioned that you are in love,” Nie Huaisang finally says with a strange voice and Jiang Cheng immediately has to fight the urge to kill his brother.

“I’m going to kill him,” Jiang Cheng mutters, and very pointedly does not look at Nie Huaisang.

“So it’s true?” Nie Huaisang asks, clearly trying for cheeky and only managing to sound strangled and Jiang Cheng eyes him.

“How about you?” he asks instead of answering, desperately trying to change the subject, to turn Nie Huaisang’s acute focus away from him.

Though Jiang Cheng isn’t sure it was clever to give the question back, because he doesn’t actually want to hear anything about Nie Huaisang being in love with someone else.

Still, he forces himself to go on.

“Are you in love?”

Nie Huaisang scoffs and then snaps his fan close. Jiang Cheng is surprised by how bitter he seems all of a sudden.

“And what does it matter?” Nie Huaisang wants to know and Jiang Cheng frowns at him.

“Why shouldn’t it matter?” he gives back, honestly confused by Nie Huaisang’s reaction.

“Even if I am, nothing would come of it anyway,” Nie Huaisang says, and Jiang Cheng’s heart stumbles painfully at his words.

He wants to ask, wants Nie Huaisang to elaborate on that first part, but he also doesn’t want to hear this, and in the end Nie Huaisang goes on before Jiang Cheng can make up his mind.

“It’s not like I’m a catch, especially compared to all of you, so it doesn’t matter if I am in love or not. No one is falling all over themselves to be with me,” Nie Huaisang says with a shrug, but he avoids looking at Jiang Cheng who simply stares at him.

“Are you stupid?” Jiang Cheng finally blurts out and Nie Huaisang whips his head around so fast, Jiang Cheng half expects him to make a snapping sound like usually only his fan makes.

“What?” Nie Huaisang asks and Jiang Cheng takes two deep breaths to calm himself down, because he wants to yell at whoever made Nie Huaisang believe that he’s not a catch.

“Huaisang, you are a catch,” Jiang Cheng says, still trying to sort through his own thoughts, but when Nie Huaisang only answers him with a scoffed “Yeah, right,” Jiang Cheng decides to fuck it.

“You are the most perceptive, emotionally intelligent and determined person I have ever known. Despite how you pretend to not be any good in the family business I sure as hell know that it’s not Nie Mingjue who argues everyone into submission and you would probably burn the world down for those you love. That you’re beautiful doesn’t hurt in the least, and I do not ever want to hear you say that you’re not a catch again!”

Nie Huaisang’s eyes get bigger and bigger the longer Jiang Cheng speaks and by the end he’s openly gaping at Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng doubts that he has ever seen Nie Huaisang less composed than right now.

“A-Cheng,” Nie Huaisang whispers and Jiang Cheng can feel a very traitorous blush creep up his cheeks.

“What?” he snaps, immediately uncomfortable with how much he just revealed to Nie Huaisang and he wishes he had something to hide behind as well.

“Say, A-Cheng,” Nie Huaisang starts, his fan snapping into place again and Jiang Cheng wishes he could tear it out of his hands, because he hates how much Nie Huaisang hides behind it. “Would you date me?” Nie Huaisang then asks and Jiang Cheng abruptly stands up.

He doesn’t take more than two steps away from the couch, but he puts his back towards Nie Huaisang and honestly debates simply lying to him.

But with what Nie Huaisang had just revealed about himself—how badly he thinks of himself—Jiang Cheng knows he could never do that.

“Yes,” he finally says and he is not at all prepared for the bitter laugh Nie Huaisang lets out.

“Maybe try to sound more convincing next time,” he mutters, sounding strangled all over again. “And not hesitating for so long.”

Every other time Jiang Cheng would have let him believe this, if only to save their friendship, but not now. Not now, that he knows just how little Nie Huaisang thinks of himself.

Jiang Cheng would rather destroy their friendship by revealing his true feelings than let Nie Huaisang think this for one more second.

“You know,” Jiang Cheng says and turns around to glare at Nie Huaisang, “I actually did lie.”

He pretends not to see the full body flinch and instead simply continues.

“I said you’re perceptive and emotionally intelligent, but clearly that’s not true. You’re so goddamn stupid, Huaisang.”

Nie Huaisang opens his mouth as if he wants to argue with Jiang Cheng, but Jiang Cheng isn’t done, so he doesn’t let him speak.

“I’ve been in love with you for years now. Of course I would date you. I would do anything to make you happy!”

Only silence follows his confession—like Jiang Cheng knew it would, and still it hurts worse than if Nie Huaisang had thrown a dagger at him—and he turns away again.

“I know it’s not what you feel for me, but despite everything, please don’t leave. It’s dangerous outside. I’ll take the guest room and you can just—you know where everything is,” Jiang Cheng mutters and starts to walk away from Nie Huaisang.

He didn’t even have the courage to look at Nie Huaisang when he confessed his feelings, and he doesn’t have the courage to look at him now, so he startles badly when something hits him between the shoulder blades.

Jiang Cheng stares dumbly at the ground and then he slowly turns towards Nie Huaisang.

“Did you just throw your fan at me?” he asks, but that’s as far as he gets before Nie Huaisang crashes into him.

Jiang Cheng brings his arms up around Nie Huaisang to hug him close almost on instinct and then buries his face in Nie Huaisang’s hair, because he simply can’t help himself.

“What are you doing?” Jiang Cheng asks when Nie Huaisang doesn’t give an explanation for his behaviour.

“You’re so stupid, too,” Nie Huaisang says and then looks up at Jiang Cheng.

He’s smiling so brightly that Jiang Cheng’s heart skips several beats.

“What?” Jiang Cheng asks and Nie Huaisang squeezes him.

“I’m in love with you. You’re not really perceptive yourself.”

“Well, we were talking about you, weren’t we?” Jiang Cheng gives back, but he feels like he could fly away if Nie Huaisang lets go of him.

He hopes Nie Huaisang will never again let go of him, his words that he’s in love with Jiang Cheng sinking into his bones like a warm blanket, and Jiang Cheng presses him even closer to his chest.

“Say it again?” he asks Nie Huaisang who raises up on his tiptoes to sling his arms around Jiang Cheng’s neck.

“I’m in love with you,” he whispers against Jiang Cheng’s ears and Jiang Cheng can’t help himself, he bends slightly down and simply picks Nie Huaisang up.

“A-Cheng!” Nie Huaisang screeches, but Jiang Cheng only laughs as Nie Huaisang slings his legs around his middle.

“I love you, too,” he says, just in case Nie Huaisang needs to hear it again as well, and then he can’t say anything else because Nie Huaisang’s lips are warm and tempting against his own.

He does put Nie Huaisang down on the ground again eventually, but Jiang Cheng keeps him close and doesn’t stop touching him. He doubts he could, with how much he had to keep himself restrained before.

When they are back on the couch, Nie Huaisang completely pressed against Jiang Cheng, who keeps his arms around him, Nie Huaisang moves his finger over Jiang Cheng’s chest.

“I’m not going anywhere, you know,” Nie Huaisang whispers and looks up at Jiang Cheng. “You don’t have to cling so hard.”

Jiang Cheng has half a mind letting go of Nie Huaisang, but then he decides that he’ll simply have to deal with this.

“I know,” Jiang Cheng agrees, “but I think I’ll keep doing it for now.”

“Okay, then,” Nie Huaisang says, and he sounds very pleased by that, so Jiang Cheng has even less incentive to stop touching him.

“You’re not staying in the guest room, right?” Nie Huaisang asks after another comfortable silence and Jiang Cheng shrugs as best as he can in this position.

“If you’re staying there, then I just might,” he replies and Nie Huaisang laughs at that.

“I should hope so,” he says between his chuckles and Jiang Cheng bends to kiss the laughter right out of his mouth.

When they keep trading kisses, Jiang Cheng can’t help but to think that this time he definitely has to thank the weather gods for giving him the best thing in his life.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

[hqmoonsun]

i met you at 24, i lost you at 72.

genre: fluff, angst

pairing: angel!bokuto x gn!human!y/n

word count: 4.2k

warning(s): implied death, cussing

synopsis: freedom is something you heavily value, to soar and to fly. maybe, that’swhy you’re so fascinated with angels. beings that navigate with their wings, lifting them off the ground, using the air to control their course. you weren’t sure whether the rumors of them existing in the same planet as you are real. but one thing’s for sure, you want to encounter one. it’s just not the person you’re expecting at an unexpected time and place.

24 hours

summer break.

those two words alone bring students a sense of euphoria and freedom. it’s what liberates them from deadlines and stress. it signifies the time to be able to have fun at no costs. and of course, you sure as hell won’t take that time for granted.

you often fantasize of being an angel. they’re rumored to be roaming around the earth and a part of you wishes that’s true. creatures that are crafted filled with kindness and knowledge, you seek to learn from them. you want to learn how to fly, like they do with wings like theirs. to you, to be an angel is to be free.

that is why right now, you are standing in front of the subway at exactly 12:00 am on july 21st, the very first day of summer break. as expected, only a few are around and they are mostly foreigners who had just arrived for vacation.

this year, you plan to take the subway on the first week of summer break and let it take you anywhere. you like being spontaneous and this is exactly what it is.

the sky is still dark and the stars are still sparkling. you stand idle as you patiently wait for the train to arrive.

from the corner of your left eye, you could see a familiar build of someone’s back, yet you can’t place your tongue on who it is. a second passed and they finally turned around, revealing the one and only bokuto koutarou.

you furrow your eyebrows secretly, wondering what on earth is the school volleyball’s ace doing at the train station in the middle of the night. you can’t exactly ask him because well, it’s bokuto koutarou. there is no way that he would recognize who you are. after all, you’re just a nobody.

“hey, i know you!” he suddenly points at you. for some unknown reason, he sounds relieved.

“uhm, hi?” you awkwardly greet him.

“it’s midnight, what are you doing here?” he asks, cheerful as ever.

“spending my summer break, you?”

“same.”

silence falls between the two of you and the faint rumbling sound of the train from a distance is all you could hear.

“so, where are you going?” he opens up the conversation again.

“anywhere the train goes,” you admit shrugging your shoulders.

“can i tag along?” he asks, pursing his lips after.

that definitely caught you off guard. but this is definitely spontaneous and who are you to turn down such an opportunity?

“of course you can,” you smile at him. for a moment, time seemed to stop. the train in the distance halted in its tracks along with the heels clicking behind you as the both of you got lost in each other’s eyes. if it weren’t for the train hissing loudly as its doors open to welcome passengers, no one would have looked away.

“after you,” bokuto lets you enter first, following after you.

“what an angel,” you let out a giggle at his gesture.

you point at an empty seat five rows after the entrance, perfectly situating you in the middle of the vehicle.

“next stop, shibuya,” an automated announcement voices through the train speaker.

“how long is that?” bokuto leans in to whisper. you could feel his breath tickling your neck.

“uh, don’t know, maybe 30 minutes?” you stammer. you could feel how close he is from the corner of your eyes. your pulse can’t help but race rapidly.

“wake up,” a voice softly whispers.

you slowly open your eyes to the view of bokuto’s reflection on the window. you planned to stay still for a while until you realize the soft object you’re leaning on is his shoulder.

“fuck, sorry i didn’t mean to sleep on you,” you break away, now fully awake.

“it’s okay,” he giggles while shaking his hands, “your snores were cute,” he adds.

your eyes widen in horror.

“i’m kidding,” he retreats, giggling even louder.

“i hate you,” you playfully roll your eyes at him.

then, the train comes to a halt. outside, the sky is still dark and the stars still glistening. in contrast to your city, shibuya is filled with tall buildings.

you two get off the train with no exchange. no one spoke, yet you both could feel the excitement in the air.

“the most spontaneous adventure of my life so far is here,” you exhale with a wide smile.

“it hasn’t started when i asked to come?” bokuto pouts.

you wanted to reply, but nothing came out. bokuto laughs it off and takes your hand. before you know it, you’re out of the train station and stand somewhere in shibuya, where only a few shops are open at this late hour.

“hungry?” bokuto points at a ramen shop. his hands are still intertwined with yours. his grip tells you he’s not letting go anytime soon.

“super.”

“this is amazing,” you giggle with your mouth full, causing you to choke a little.

bokuto immediately hands you a napkin, so quick that he almost flipped the table.

“careful,” he scolds gently.

“my bad, i was too excited.”

“can’t blame you, this shit’s awesome.”

you stare into each other’s eyes, both of your lips curved into a smile. time seemed to stop again until the old lady working interrupts to serve you tea. she exchanges looks with the both of you and smiles.

“ah, young love,” she sings as she struts back to the kitchen.

you two make no noise. just your hearts racing faster and faster by the second. bokuto lets out a dry cough to lessen the tension and you two resume eating.

it hasn’t been long, but this is the second time you’ve gotten lost in each other’s eyes. you don’t understand why, but the moment both of your eyes meet, they can’t seem to lose each other.

when finished with your late meals, you step back outside. it’s still the same as before you went in. quiet and dark.

“so,” you start.

“so,” bokuto continues.

“where are we headed?”

“hey, i’m just tagging along.”

“are you tired?”

“no, i’m restless.”

“let’s go see the sunrise then,” you glance up at bokuto, who towers over you. he’s already looking at you with a smile. again, your heart does that thing, where it tumbles over and over again.

“you’re good with directions, right?” bokuto whispers behind you.

“are you scared of getting lost?” you turn around and raise an eyebrow.

“yes, it’s a waste of time.”

“no, we’re not lost,” you confirm, “but if we were, good thing you’re with me, i’ll make it worth your time.”

you’ve never been to sunrise course before, but you’ve read up on it for this moment. it was two months ago. ironically, it was when your friend took you to one of your school’s volleyball home game, which bokuto played in. halfway through the first set, you caught yourself yawning constantly. that was when you had the idea to search up places to visit during the summer break. one of your goals is to watch the sunrise and this course is the best place for it. it’s set atop a golf course facing east. it’s a public place often visited by many, yet only you and bokuto are the only ones present right now.

“it’s all to us,” you close your eyes and spread your arms to spin slowly.

“living the coming-of-age stories?” bokuto laughs as he watches you turn.

“yes,” you stop and look at him in the eyes.

“let me live it with you.”

as the sun shines, you exchange smiles with your eyes staring at each other’s. when the sunlight obscures your faces, bokuto stretches his arms and reaches for yours. the two of you have become two bodies connected into one, spinning slow enough to catch blurry glimpses of each other and the illuminating sky above. none of you made noise, just the sound of birds chirping and the air whipping from your turns. everything seems perfect, peaceful, and serene. you don’t wanna let go, but at the tenth one, you both get dizzy. you grab his arm for support, but since he’s also losing his balance, you two fall butt first on the golf course’s fake grass. the impact is so shocking, you immediately look at each other, eyes wide and in surprise.

then, you burst into laughter, throwing your head back to let your face feel the light. without you noticing, bokuto examines your pretty, illuminating face, the sunlight uncovering the glow that hid within. he’s never found someone so beautiful, so carefree, and so perfect.

“that was fun,” bokuto smiles, short breathed.

too tired to talk, you nod and smile at him as a response.

“tired?” he tilts his head with a face of worry.

“a little bit,” you reply before yawning.

“come on, let’s get you some rest.”

bokuto stands up and offers a hand that you willingly take.

48 hours

even with your eyes closed, you could feel the warmth and see the sunlight peeking from outside. the city is now awake. you groggily open your eyes and turn over to face away from the sunlight. to your surprise, the other side of the room greets you with a small kitchen against the wall of the bathroom. your eyes widen, realizing that the room you’re in right now is the only vacant room the hotel could offer. the problem is, it only has one bed, so where did bokuto sleep?

you quickly sit up from the bed to look for him. and there he is, sleeping peacefully right below you, cuddled in a spare pillow and blanket. as if he could feel your stares, bokuto’s eyes slowly open to meet yours. he smiles at the sight of you.

“good morning,” he greets with a husky voice, his morning voice.

you melt at his gaze and smile.

“i’m so sorry,” you shut your eyes as guilt overcomes you.

“for what?” you could hear him sit up.

“you slept on the floor!” you reply in embarrassment. “i’m so sorry,” you repeat with your face buried deep in your hands.

you peek at him in between your fingers, he blankly stares at you before bursting into a fit of laughter.

“what?” you raise your head out of confusion.

“it’s cute how you’re more upset about it than me,” he giggles while running his hands through his hair. it looks like cotton candy with its volume and messy ruffles.

“so, you are upset.”

“no. i don’t think i can ever get mad at you.”

“just admit it, i understand. i’d be mad too if i had to sleep on the floor after a tiring trip.”

“seriously, don’t get so hung over it. i’m not mad.”

“i’m so-“

“shh,” bokuto cuts you off with a finger against your lips. “let’s just get ready for breakfast and enjoy the day,” he adds before stretching his hands for you to take, lifting you up and out the bed.

“okay.”

“what’s the plan for today?” bokuto whispers in your ear as you two line up for breakfast. you could feel his breath against your neck, it’s cold and smell of mint.

“for the first half, i was thinking we could visit hachikō, maybe shop? then have a picnic at a park.”

“sounds fun, i’m totally in.”

“even if you weren’t, you have no choice but to come along,” you cheekily say, lightly bumping his chest with your elbow.

“why do you say that?” he lifts an eyebrow.

“because you changed my mind.”

“on what?”

“on doing this trip alone, ever since you asked to tag along.”

“rest assured, i never and will think of backing out.”

you hold up your pinky finger, signaling you want him to promise his words. without hesitation, he intertwines his pinky with yours, sealing the promise.

“there it is!” you excitedly point at the bronze statue of hachikō, a dog whose loyalty was so strong that it visited the station everyday for nine years, waiting for their owner who has passed.

“how is there so many people already?” bokuto mutters under his breath, his eyes scanning the crowd, a mix of natives and foreigners.

“let’s line up for a picture,” you grip bokuto’s wrist, dragging him closer to the statue.

“haven’t you seen this before?” he asks, pulling out his phone to visit your social media page.

“it just never gets old,” you turn around to face him with a smile. “don’t worry, no one from school will know we’re spending some of our summer together, i won’t upload it anywhere.”

he doesn’t say anything, his hands just make their way to pet the statue as if it were alive. you fight the urge to gently lay your hand on top of his, your fingers slowly intertwining.

“say cheese!” you yell to help snap out of your thoughts. it’s barely even a day yet, you cannot be forming feelings for him already.

the two of you hold up peace signs, wide grins stretching across your faces. bokuto sneaks another one with his phone.

“is it a good picture?” bokuto’s voice emerges from behind you.

“huh?” you lean closer to him, sneaking a peak at the picture he’s talking about. your heart jumps, so high it might just pop out of your chest. your phone vibrates in your back pocket, informing you about a notification. upon seeing the alert, you could feel your cheeks heat up uncontrollably. a picture of you and bokuto, uploaded to his feed, publicly seen and viewed by everyone.

“so many interactions already,” he gasps as if his other posts don’t get the same, if not, more attention.

“everyone’s gonna think you’re hanging out with a loser,” you turn away to examine the picture closer.

“you’re not, what the hell?” bokuto quickly retorts.

“calm down, it’s a joke,” you chuckle, scrolling through an endless amount of confused comments under the picture.

“do you not like it?” bokuto peeks out from your shoulder. he’s close, dangerously close. you could feel your cheeks heat up again.

“no, i like it,” you double tap at the screen, “i like it very much,” you bow your head lower, covering up your crimson cheeks.

for the rest of the afternoon, you’ve decided to practically visit every shop you could find.

“here’s a challenge,” bokuto rubs his hands together. you can tell he’s excited about something.

“i’m down, what is it?” your eyes widen out of excitement.

“at every store we go in, we have to buy one thing for each other,” imitating your actions earlier, he sticks out a pinky for you to seal.

“accepted,” you grin, sealing it at once.

for the thousandth time, your eyes meet again. the buzzing of the busy street declines and those who surround move slowly. you didn’t believe that someone could stop time for you, but there they are. effortlessly, bokuto freezes time.

what is it that you’re feeling? is it genuine? or merely an infatuation? secretly, you hope it’s the former.

“in three, two, one,” you count down the seconds you reveal what you got each other.

piles and piles of random objects clatter on top of the wooden table, some even spilling out the corner.

“how many did we visit? holy shit,” you laugh, astonished at the amount of souvenirs you bought.

“somewhere around uhm,” he scrolls through his camera roll, where snapshots of every store you’ve gone to are stored.

“never met someone so sentimental,” you rest your face on top of your clasped hands.

“about 17? shit, that’s a lot,” he bursts into a loud, contagious laugh that you couldn’t help but giggle along.

“let’s alternate, i don’t care if they’re from the same shop, there’s too many to match them up,” you propose as you try to sort out the clutter of objects.

bokuto eagerly nods at you. you can tell he’s excited and cannot wait to show off what he bought you.

“i’ll go first!” he volunteers, raising both of his arms. yep, he’s definitely excited. “first one is this sticker sheet,” he starts as he flaunts a glossy paper, marked with smiley faces.

you snatch it from his hands, sticking a smiley in each of your cheek.

“how is it?”

“i got you it because i love your smile, and you’re smiling right now, so i’d say very pretty,” bokuto explains, his eyes sparkling.

“if you keep complimenting me, i’m really gonna think i’m the hottest person to ever exist,” you lightly slap his hand.

“then so be it,” he quickly responds.

“okay, my turn!” you busy yourself, rummaging through the stuff you bought to hide your embarrassment. bokuto really knows how to give you butterflies. “ooh, this one, it’s very you,” you say as you pull out a volleyball figurinel.

“that’s so fucking cute,” bokuto’s eyes widen.

“right? when i first saw it, i knew i had to buy it for you.”

“aren’t figurines expensive?” he asks, closely eyeing it in your hands.

“there was a 70% sale, the store was trying to clear everything,” you boast proudly, handing it to him.

“i love it,” he takes it, handling it like it’s the most delicate piece to ever exist.

for hours, all you and bokuto did is exchange souvenirs to each other. not even a second did you feel bored. he knows how to hold a conversation so well. with bokuto, everything is filled with laughter.

next stop, some random park to have a picnic at. technically, it’s not random, since you’ve known about horizon square. it’s a popular spot, there’s no way you wouldn’t know about it. what’s great about it is that there’s a lake situated at the middle, making the atmosphere of the place even more serene. you can’t wait to visit it.

“how did i not know about this?” bokuto gasps next to you.

“not a man of culture, huh?” you tease.

“thank god for you, i have someone of culture with me,” he winks.

the butterflies that have dissipated earlier comes back, bigger in numbers.

“the sun’s setting again, y/n,” bokuto points out. he sounds sad and it’s not usual for someone extroverted like him to convey such a tone.

“lost track of time,” you collapse on top of the red gingham blanket you and bokuto share. he follows after you.

“every second with you feels like a movie,” he says with his eyes focused on the clouds.

“what kind? a slice of life? coming of age?” you question, listing possible genres. “don’t tell me horror?” you sarcastically gasp. a chuckle leaves his lips.

“romance?” he squints his eyes, avoiding you gaze.

as soon as you hear the word slip out of bokuto’s mouth, blood quickly rushes to your cheeks, tinting it redder than the roses that bloom across the lake.

“sorry,” he apologizes, then gets up to sit to hug his knees close to his chest. it’s an unfamiliar image, but he looks fragile. bokuto has a lean built, but right now, he resembles that of a fallen angel.

“for what?” your face has cooled down, so you sit up to get a closer look at him.

“i’m falling for you,” bokuto confesses, his eyes staring off into the distance.

you’re left speechless and all you could do is look at him with eyes in disbelief. no way. you never saw this happening, but again, just like he said, this trip was already spontaneous the moment he asked to come.

“if you feel uncomfortable, i’ll leave now,” his voice trails off and he stands up, getting ready to leave.

“don’t,” you reach for his hand, “stay.”

he stays still for a moment, conflicted whether he should listen or not. if he does, the pain will grow, maybe not for you, but definitely for him. but you’ve become his weakness and he can’t bring himself to reject you, so he sits back down, surrendering to love.

“you’re not the only one who’s falling, you know?” you bump his shoulder with yours.

he turns to you, surprised at what he just heard. no way.

“can i kiss you? for the first and last time?” bokuto suddenly asks, catching you off guard. you turn to him, not saying a word, just nod for consent. at that instant, his lips crash into yours. they feel exactly what they look like, smooth and soft. you could just kiss him forever.

“wait, did you say last time?” you pull away, realizing his wording.

“forget about that,” he pants for air, his tone desperate for your lips. you give in, melting at his soft kiss.

you’re lips have broken contact and the two of you are just peacefully laying on the blanket, stargazing, both eyes reflecting the night sky.

the moon and the stars have come out, glistening above you. right now, everything feels magical. no, it is magical. you hope everything stays this way.

bokuto then stands, dusting his hands after. he glances at the stars and then to you. you watch him in awe, pretty boy standing right before you.

“wanna dance?” he holds out his hand for you to take.

“of course,” you take it and use it for support to stand.

you wrap your arms around his neck and his hands find their way to your hips. in unison with each other, your bodies sway at the same time and rhythm. it’s slow, you could hear an old, love song playing in your head. the kind that’s played when the main couple at a romantic movie dances at night, candles encompassing them.

bokuto fully wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. like instinct, you bury your face into his neck.

“is it bad if i said i love you now?” you mutter without thinking.

“absolutely not,” bokuto replies, his hands running through your hair.

“then, i love you.”

“i love you too.”

you’re not one to admit feelings, in fact, you hated it. the thought of telling someone you love them irked you. but with bokuto, it’s so easy to say, like those three words only belong to him.

72 hours

the sunlight seeps inside your room, blinding you even with your eyes closed. you sit up, eyes scanning the room for bokuto. he’s nowhere to be found.

“where’d he go?” your furrow your eyebrows as you reach for your phone, expecting a message from him, but you’re greeted with none.

the bathroom is empty, his clothes are still here, but so is his phone. anxiety creeps inside you at the sight of it, but you don’t know where its roots are coming from.

a slip of crumpled paper is pinned beneath it, catching your attention. you take it, expecting a message, explaining that he’s going for a jog or buying some extra snacks. no, it’s a letter, specifically a long one.

“what is this?” you mutter under your breath, confused at why he left you one.

‘dear y/n,

i don’t know how to start this because i never planned on doing this in the first place. frankly, i decided on spending my remaining time alone. sorry, i asked to come with.

do you believe in angels? yes, like the ones in heaven. kind beings with wings desired to be acquired by many. it’s silly, i know. but do you? because i am one. i was sent here to study humans, your way of thinking and the way you hold yourself, it’s all fascinating. this study trip is three years, first year to third year of high school. at first, i thought it was too long. after you, i realized it wasn’t enough. again, it’s silly, i know. and no, you’re not going crazy.

i was built with the intent of giving love, platonic love. but as my days with you progressed, i found myself slightly, but surely transforming into someone that gave and craved the romantic kind. and you didn’t fail to receive and give.

actually, i take it back. i might sound selfish, but i’m not sorry for asking to tag along. i do not have any, not even an ounce of regret at all. with you, i watched the day start and the day end, our bodies swaying to imaginary music. it’s a great memory. i hope you don’t forget it.

so treasure this phone, it’s where our story is documented. at the very least, you have something to remember me by and that i was once real. an entity in the form a human, someone capable of knowing and be loved by you.

goodbye, y/n. i love you. i’ll love you in the form of stars, of the moon, and of the sun. forever and ever. until we meet again, y/n.

- bokuto

you hadn’t noticed it until you’ve finished reading. tears have fallen from your eyes, soaking the paper, slowly crumpling it even more.

“what the fuck?” you let out a laugh, denying of yourself the truth. “this isn’t real right? it’s a joke, right? bokuto you can come out now, wherever you’re hiding, come out,” you plead, hoping that he’ll reveal himself.

“i wanted to meet an angel,” you collapse to the floor, sobbing, hugging your knees close to your chest, “but i never wished to lose one.”

[tsu9live]

Before I start, this is in no offence to anyone else’s opinion. You are all valid and probably make more sense than me. This is a bit of a rant and then a short character study.

Warning: This got too long.

I tend to come online for manga updates and ended up reading through opinion posts because I am a curious cat. Most of the time I come across really well-thought out posts, really valid points. But then MHA is also a soap opera/family drama where the main character is not supposed to have any progress in his story unless its to bolster or move along the other favs . But then they shouldn’t be bolstering his story either because why is a story about Deku’s journey all about Deku?

But then there are people who are happy Deku is finally edgy and they want him to wipe the floor with his classmates who love him and are willing to fight him if only to get through to him. So there are both extremes and honestly there is validity in all these thoughts because despite the writer’s intentions, a reader brings the story to life.

I personally hate making my own predictions because most of the time I feel it ruins the experience of reading a work for me. I go in with different expectations and when the story goes a different way I don’t enjoy it as much but I feel its more my fault.

So I do understand and respect the difference of opinion because there is no fandom without discourse.

In my opinion though, this Deku solo arc was a long time coming and I think Horikoshi has handled it really weird. I’m still trying to understand what he wants us to think about.

A story about heroes and putting your life on the line for someone else is controversial, but, I thought it was a given. Recklessness had been part of Deku’s character but an overly-cautious character would do nothing. Deku’s lack of self-preservation wasn’t unnatural for a hero, he rushed in to save Bakugo from the slime-villain when Pros stood by putting himself at risk but it spurred AM to act. Katsuki experienced it as well during the war arc, when his body moved to save Deku.

Going to Kamino to save Bakugo was suicidal, reckless and potentially flawed but story-wise it made sense. How is hero-work anything than risky? Kirishima and Todoroki initiated it.

Disclaimer: Deku, Bakugo, Uraraka, Momo, Toga and Shigaraki are characters that are very dear to me because they have had me extremely invested since the beginning of the story. This is my personal opinion, flaws, rant... basically me working through my feelings about this manga I had been obsessed with recently.

1) There is an opinion where Bakugo had a right to be upset/angry/bully Deku because he wanted to be a hero but did nothing for it. Firstly, I don’t understand the need to justify his behaviour when he himself has expressed regret on it. People want others to move on from the “go jump off the roof comment” but won’t stop talking about how everything about Bully Bakugo was justified. Deku was weaker, but he had the same dreams, dreams that were the basis of their friendship earlier on. Regardless of how Deku wanted to achieve them, Bakugo had no right to keep trying to stop him from doing so. No, 5, 10, 14 year old Bakugo did not do so because he had the brilliant foresight that Deku would be self-sacrificial and it was for his sake, he was an angry kid and Deku was a timid, wannabe that confused him, intimidated him even. Taking out his anger was a way of working through those feelings. He was in Deku’s words “a punching bag”. In a world where the powerful reign, Bakugo couldn’t understand how a quirk less, weak little boy could think he could stand shoulder to shoulder with someone as gifted as Bakugo. Yeah, society is very much to blame. The change and maturity Bakugo goes through where he is humbled by a cast of amazing hero students who are just as gifted yet with inspiring personalities and then traumatic consequences of being kidnapped, watching his hero use the last of his powers to hold back a great evil, having that fight with Deku where he bared himself open, failing the licensing exam, training with todoroki, the internship... the war has changed him in a way that has brought out his full potential as a hero and a person. There is a lot to admire about him yet I see so many people fixate on headcanons that glorify his every action/word instead of praising the amazing person he has become/how well written his growth has been.

2) “Deku wanted to be a hero and he did nothing for it”. “He could have been a quirkless hero like Batman.” Listen, the story is about AFO vs OFA first and foremost. Hori has done a good job of worldbuilding and adding a cast of interesting characters that its easy to forget what the main plot point of the story is. But it really is about a weak/timid boy who was born with a sort of handicap who dared to dream to be someone strong enough to have others rely on him instead. A lot of the times people want to become something they feel they needed, someone who gave people hope just by existing. Its natural for someone who is ‘considered useless’ to want to be the most useful person ever. His mother didn’t believe he could do it, Bakugo told him repeatedly he shouldn’t even try, everyone else made fun of him, and his hero gave him a wake-up call, no... you can’t be a hero without a quirk. Deku studied heroes and quirks all his life, hoping he’d find something that could work for his advantage. Not every hero relies on physical strength, their bodies are adapted to the nature of their quirks. Deku’s analysis, quick-thinking and impulsive nature is what helped him progress even after getting the quirk because he didn’t gain control until really late. People act like he was handed power, seem to forget he has just learned to use it without consequences. His studies of quirks also made him the best candidate to get new quirks, quirks that he has learned to utilise as tools quickly and efficiently. He was doing what he thought was going to help him become a hero without guidance, without backing and constant discouragements. Its admirable and relatable. If you don’t relate to him that’s fine, your life was different.

Batman was loaded. Deku is not an inventor. The Editors shot that idea down because it would not have survived in a genre where power fantasies are the main hooks. Aizawa, sure he’s training Shinso because he sees his potential now but he would have either expelled Deku/moved him to General studies on that first day for scoring the least in that test. He changed his mind not because of Deku’s quirk but because of Deku’s ingenuity.

When Deku did find his guidance, he tried to do years of work/training in a short period of time. He acknowledges how far behind he is, that the rest are leagues above him and all he wants is to be able to stand side by side with those incredible people and he would go to all lengths to do so. DEKU has never said he wants to be the number one hero. He always says he wants to be one so reliable he saves people with a smile and later on, he wants to be a hero that can save without having other people worry about him. Bakugo works hard, he’s not just exceptional he works hard for it, all of 1A do but saying Deku does nothing when he is constantly shown, studying, training his body, understanding his shortcomings and working on it is just petty. You don’t like him because of his saviour complex, newsflash, that is a hero thing. Hero course is about that, Deku’s is just highlighted because of how often he gets hurt. How can you be a Todoroki stan and hate Deku (although to be fair its your right, I’m just making a point), the kid saw Shouto and decided that it was more important for Shouto to stop hurting and gave him a hell of a fight. I still remember Shouto’s smile, it gave me goose bumps.

Deku’s lack of self-preservation is a part of his programming so much that he hasn’t noticed it yet. Deku broke his bones, but he didn’t realise the permanent damage. When Deku got injured with Muscular, he was never intending to fight him alone. He wanted backup, his phone was broken and he wanted to get Kouta out and tried but Muscular gave him no opening. He was driven into a corner and fought his way out. Like Aizawa said, “He got that injured because he has no intention of dying.” Before rushing to find Bakugo, he informed his superior first, knowing she can spread the message.

The fight with Stain, he messaged his location to all his classmates, didn’t intend to fight Stain alone, just defend Iida long enough for help to come along. Fight with overhaul, he just wanted to get Eri away and when he understood Eri’s power, he gave her the opportunity to fight back against her oppressor by teaming up with him, keeping her secure with the cape made out of Lemillion’s hair. During the whole fight he was present-minded enough to take the fight away from civilians and managed to prevent damage and casualties. During Natsuo’s rescue he played support.

During the war arc, he realised with despair that Shigaraki was coming in all his destructive glory for him and tried to stop him before but he didn’t object to Bakugo joining him. In the movie Heroes Rising (the initially planned ending) he willingly gave OFA to Bakugo, because he trusts him with his life, and was willing to be quirkless again if that’s what it took to keep the kids safe, and himself and Bakugo alive. Its mostly been good decisions on his part.

Its the war arc that’s been his downfall. Watching his childhood friend/rival almost die, his best friend, his mentors almost die while he could barely hold Shigaraki back set off a fight or flight response in him. The seriousness of how Shigaraki came for him and left such death and destruction in his wake because he was not strong enough and AFO is a monster and the sight of Shigaraki and the reality of his situation pushed him down the current path. His solo arc started well because constantly training in the field has helped him master his quirk, and he had the backup of the vestiges who trained and guided him in learning to use it as a toolset instead of a one-punch solution. Then coming face to face with the flaws of hero society and the power, manipulative nature and destructive intentions of AFO has prepared him emotionally. He is not acting like AM, he hasn’t in a while. He is acting like NANA and i don’t blame him because she’s in his head. No adult stopped him from doing this, instead using him as bait to lure out the league.

When they started realising he’s spiralling out of control, that’s when they realised they messed up.

He’s running on adrenaline/fumes alone and I think he’s actually terrified.

“AFO is OFA’s responsibility” “Tell the world I am here” “You’re not as strong as me yet,” “You are not a worthy successor”

Deku isn’t self-centered and but I agree with the screw loose comment (its years of “you are useless, not good enough, not worthy and I bet a dozen or so concussions, bloodloss, dehydration lol). I know Bakugo means well and that’s how he talks. At the moment, he’s probably the only one whose sole goal is Deku’s survival. Deku’s like a wild animal, terrified, lost and as always backed into a corner. AFO has him where he wants him and I am curious to see how class 1 A are going to get through to him. I don’t want them to fight, all those fanarts of Bakugo reaching his hand out to Deku and then maybe punching him in the face would have been a lot better then the mocking (the slow clap was a little triggering for me) but again maybe it just bothers me and Deku needs it. I’ll just have to wait and see. Deku and his class together would be an unstopabble force and I am waiting for that to finally happen.

P.S. Class 1 A looks so mature, everyone going crazy about Bakugo and his tie and I’m here like, look at baby Kirishima and his roots <3

I’m sorry if I gave anyone a headache lol.

[introvertguide]

Saving Private Ryan (1998); AFI #71

The next film on the list is one of the best films of any genre, Saving Private Ryan (1998). This is what I consider the best war film of all time despite how overwhelming it is to watch. Maybe it is because it is so difficult to watch, since the movie was nominated for 11 Academy Awards and received five trophies. Because of the ensemble cast and almost complete lack of women, the film was never going to garner much in the way of acting awards. Like the soldiers who they hoped to portray, these actors shouldn’t have expected much individual recognition. This movie affected me greatly, and I would like to delve into that after going through the story line.

MAJOR SPOILER WARNING!!! BECAUSE OF THE NATURE OF THE FILM, EVERYTHING THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE REVEALED AS FAR AS PLOT IS GIVEN AWAY BELOW!!! 

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In the present day, an elderly man visits the Normandy Cemetery with his family. At a tombstone, he falls to his knees in anguish. The establishing shots showing the mass of grave stones is overwhelming from the get-go. The movie transitions from the graveyard to a landing boat at the battle of Normandy. Be prepared because it is about to get rough.

On the morning of June 6, 1944, American soldiers land at Omaha Beach as part of the Normandy invasion. Everything goes bad immediately as machine guns and mortars literally tear the landing soldiers to shreds. Soldiers are screaming for their mothers as they die on the beach. There is no going back into the ocean so the soldiers have run into the machine gun fire. Captain John H. Miller (Tom Hanks) of the 2nd Ranger Battalion leads a breakout from the beach that makes it through to the German encampment. It is about 15 minutes of carnage and nobody will blame you if you want to forward through this until the action cools down. Elsewhere on the beach, a dead soldier lies face-down in the bloody surf; his pack is stenciled Ryan, S. It is at this point I would recommend taking a breather if you need one.

Continuing on, we are shifted to Washington, D.C., at the War Department (keep an eye out for Bryan Cranston with one arm), where General George C. Marshall learns that three of the four sons of the Ryan family were killed in action within a short time of one another. Daniel Ryan in New Guinea shortly before D-Day, Sean Ryan at Omaha Beach, and Peter Ryan at Utah Beach: all dead with letters arriving the same day for their mother. The fourth son, James Francis Ryan, is with the 101st Airborne Division somewhere in Normandy. After reading Abraham Lincoln's Bixby letter, which is meant to comfort grieving parents, aloud, Marshall orders Ryan found and brought home.

Three days after D-Day, Miller receives orders to find Ryan and bring him back. He chooses seven men from his company for the job—T/Sgt. Mike Horvath (Tom Sizemore), Privates First Class Richard Reiben (Edward Burns) and Adrian Caparzo (Vin Diesel), Privates Stanley Mellish (Adam Goldberg) and Daniel Jackson (Barry Pepper), T/4 medic Irwin Wade (Giovanni Ribisi) and T/5 Timothy Upham (Jeremy Davies), an interpreter from the 29th Infantry Division. The group moves out to Neuville where they meet a squad of the 101st engaged against the enemy and both Ted Danson and Paul Giamatti show up. THe group searching for Ryan bump into a stranded French family who try to give over their children but a German sniper breaks up the party. Caparzo is killed by a German sniper, who is then killed by Jackson (who makes the most amazing shot that legends are made of). They locate a Private James Ryan (Nathan Fillion), only to learn that he is James Frederick Ryan. On the point of giving up, the Captain starts asking random passing soldiers and learns that Ryan is defending an important bridge in Ramelle.

Near Ramelle, Miller decides to neutralize a German machine gun position at a derelict radar station, despite his men's misgivings. It does not go well and the medic, Wade, is killed in the process. They take a German soldier that they name Steamboat Willie (Joerg Stadler) who gives up willingly and pleads for his life. The men are angry and want to kill the soldier since they can’t take any extras, so, at Upham's urging, Miller frees the surviving German soldier. Losing confidence in Miller's leadership, Reiben declares his intention to desert, prompting a confrontation with Horvath, who threatens to shoot him. Miller defuses the standoff by disclosing his civilian career as a high school English teacher in a small Pennsylvania town.

At Ramelle, they find Ryan (Matt Damon) among a small group of paratroopers preparing to defend the key bridge against an imminent German attack. Miller tells Ryan that his brothers are dead, and that he was ordered to bring him home. Ryan is distressed about his brothers, but is unwilling to leave his post. Miller combines his unit with the paratroopers in defense of the bridge. He devises a plan to ambush the enemy with two .30-caliber machine guns, Molotov cocktails, anti-tank mines, and improvised satchel charges made from socks. It is basically suicide so the bridge is wired to explode in case it can’t be held. 

Now is a time to take a breather if you need one because it is about to get bad again. Elements of the 2nd SS Panzer Division arrive with two Tiger tanks and two Marder tank destroyers, all protected by infantry. The small American group holds off the force the best they can, Although they inflict heavy damage on the Germans, nearly all of the paratroopers, along with Jackson, Mellish and Horvath, are killed. It turns out that Steamboat Willie joined the group and he personally kills Mellish with a Nazi youth knife (it is horrible) and shoots Miller Captain Miller as he attempts to blow up the bridge. Miller crawls to retrieve the bridge detonator, and fires ineffectually but defiantly with his pistol at an oncoming tank. As the tank reaches the bridge, an American P-51 Mustang flies overhead and destroys the tank, after which American armored units arrive to rout the remaining Germans. With the Germans in full retreat, Upham emerges from hiding and shoots Steamboat Willie dead, having witnessed him shooting Miller, but allows his fellow soldiers to flee.

Miller tells Ryan to “earn this” before dying from his injuries. As the scene transitions to the present, Ryan is revealed to be the veteran from the beginning of the film, and is standing in front of Miller's grave expressing his gratitude for the sacrifices Miller and his unit made in the past. Ryan asks his wife if he was worthy of such sacrifice, to which she replies that he is. The final scene shows Ryan saluting Miller's grave and fades to the American flag gently waving in the breeze.

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I really have a hard time getting through this film without pausing and taking a breather. I saw the film in the theater when I was 18, so my friends and I were all around the age that these soldiers would have been that rushed that beach and retook France. It was truly terrifying. Now I am old and have back issues, so I wouldn’t be put on a front line, but the kids that I work with and care for would be the exact age to be caught in a draft and that scares me even more. The creative ways in which man finds to kill one another is the greatest threat to humanity. 

The first two times I saw the film, I did not realize that it was the same German soldier that the group had captured who eventually killed many of the group we were following. It really changes the message in the end. I had thought that Captain Miller had showed his humanity showing mercy, but it turns out that this mercy is misplaced. Now it seems like Spielberg is saying that neither humanity, nor religion, nor innocence, nor skill, nor even intelligence can save a man in the heat of battle. The only way to live is to watch the back of your group and protect each other like family.

There was a little bit of a travesty that occurred at the Academy in early 1999, because this film lost out in the Best Picture category to Shakespeare in Love. This is the same year that also saw Saving Private Ryan, The Truman Show, Life is Beautiful, Elizabeth, and The Thin Red Line. There had to be something behind that because I wouldn’t consider the winner even in the top 5. Shakespeare in Love is considered one of the worst Best Picture winners along with Crash and The Artist. Oscars are not everything and this movie is one of the best examples of this.

When I say that some of the scenes from this movie are difficult, I really do mean it. There was a hotline set up for people who have PTSD that was triggered by the film. One of the actual members of the 101st Airborne, Major Richard Winters, was consulted about the occurrences surrounding the attack. He said that it brought up many memories that he had worked hard to suppress because he had been taught that war veterans couldn’t express the psychological pain of battle. He also said that it was an important film that revealed what war was really like.

On Veteran’s Day in 2001 and 2004, ABC aired the film uncut with limited commercial interruptions. Living in California, I was able to watch the film on both of those occasions and remember getting my girlfriend at the time to watch in 2004. The film has become like a memorial to Americans lost in the European Campaign during WW2, so I treat viewing as a badge of honor and understanding, no matter how difficult it is to watch.

This film is a pretty easy answer when it comes to the standard questions for the most part. Does this film belong on the AFI top 100? Of course. It is the new benchmark for which all American war films will be judged. It is historically accurate, it is beautifully shot and directed, and it leaves a lasting impression far longer than just about any movie I have seen. Would I recommend it? This one has an age warning. It is not appropriate for young children because the first and last battle scenes are nightmare fuel. Even worse, they are apparently very realistic. It is hard to recommend something that is so scarring, but it will keep people for glorifying battle. It is horrific and should be avoided as much as possible. And that is a lesson that I believe this movie teaches better than any other. So please give this movie a watch and feel free to take a break if you need it.

[blueburds]

Companion: Altrethir Valran - a continuation

First off i’m so glad yall have enjoyed that follower meme <3 second, i saw a few that had bonus details such as companion gifts and a character bio! figured that’d be fun to do for Altrethir. ALSO i included some random dialogue that i thought might be fun. implications of a random questline i made up are present throughout the dialogue.

original post is here. this will be an addition to that! i’ll be writing this as though he’s an Onslaught companion for a Republic character.

NAME: Altrethir (full: Lord Altrethir Valran) GENDER: Male SPECIES: Twi’lek AGE: 36 OCCUPATION: Inquisitor (Force-user) AFFILIATION: The Galactic Republic LIKES: Luxury, justice, learning of ancient artifacts. DISLIKES: Recklessness, close-mindedness, cold weather. GIFTS: Luxury(Love), Cultural(Favorite), Delicacies(Favorite), Weapon(Like), Imperial (Like).

BIO: Since his late teenage years, Altrethir possessed a strong connection to the Force. He was recruited to the Korriban Academy and trained to become a Lord of the Sith. Altrethir wholly trusted in the Force; he always had faith in its guidance. And when the Force wanted to go down a different path, he listened.

The Sith Empire’s ideals didn’t align with his own whereas the Republic would have fought for them. He defected and began to seek balance in the Force. Not Jedi, nor Sith any longer, Altrethir simply adopted the title of “Inquisitor” to suit him.

DIALOGUE CONVERSATIONS:

(First meeting)

Altrethir: “Greetings, Commander. I have heard... phenomenal things concerning your work. It is an honor to meet you in-person.”

Good to meet you, too. -- “’Phenomenal’ is certainly a way of putting it. I trust we’ll work well together.”

Altrethir: “As do I. With pleasantries aside, let us brief you on the mission.”

[Flirt] The pleasure is mine. -- “I’d love to hear exactly what you’ve heard about me. But, I think I’d also love to hear more about you.”

Altrethir: “Of course--but perhaps once the issue at hand has been settled.”

You’re Imperial? -- (Force-users): “You’re Sith--I can sense the darkness of your aura.”    (Non-Force-users): “The Republic’s relying on defectors now? I don’t know if I can trust you.”

Altrethir: (To Force-users): “I have harnessed control of the Dark Side; never again shall it back me into a corner.”     (To non-Force-users): “The Republic fights for freedom and justice. I want nothing more than that for my people.”

(Post-mission conversation dialogue)

Altrethir: “Reports say that the Empire’s swollen pride has taken a hard blow.” “You’ve done incredibly well--better than I could have anticipated. I never had my doubts.”

It was a hard-won victory. -- “Many innocent lives were lost. The choice was a difficult one, and not one I made lightly.”

Altrethir: “I do not blame you. Civilian casualties are inevitable in war, but minimalizing them should be a priority.”

[Flirt] It was better in-person. -- “You should’ve been there. I would have loved to see you in action.”

Altrethir: “I am a man of many talents. In this particular scenario, my non-combatant skills were needed elsewhere.”

They had it coming. -- (Republic class PC’s) “I’ve fought the Empire for years. It always feels good to hit them where it hurts most.”     (Imperial class PC’s) “No one knows what it takes to wound the Empire more than I do. I hit them where it hurt most.”

Altrethir: “We mustn’t gloss over the amount of civilian damage caused by our mission. Imperial or Republic, civilians should never be caught in the cross-fire of military operations.”

(New mission dialogue)

Altrethir: “Commander.” “An opportunity to send a message to the Empire’s allies has arisen.” “Members of the Hutt Cartel have shifted their allegiance, abandoning their former Republic allies in favor of the Empire.” “Imperial-loyal Hutts have taken members who are still loyal to the Republic hostage. By launching a rescue mission, we will succeed in showing our allies that we don’t abandon our own, nor do we tolerate vicious threats the Empire makes.”

Let’s go. -- “The Hutts are powerful allies and none we can afford to lose. Where do we go from here?”

Altrethir: “Nar Shaddaa. A place you could’ve guessed yourself, hm?”

You don’t like Hutts? -- “Given what you’ve told me about your past, I don’t see you willingly putting yourself at risk to save Hutts.”

Altrethir: “This is a matter of saving useful allies of the Republic. Not about my own personal distaste.”

Leave them to rot. -- “Hutt business always goes sour. We wouldn’t lose much by letting them go.”

Altrethir: “If my calculations proved that to be the case, then I would never have brought this matter to your attention. But the Republic needs these Hutts.”

(continued) Altrethir: “I shall be joining you on this mission. I’ll present you with more details during the ride there.”

(First time on Odessen)

Altrethir: “Such a marvelous world; the Force is in balance.” “While its aura is not fiery like that of Korriban, nor is it soothing like Tython, it feels... neutral. I am content.”

Ideal for the Alliance. -- “The Eternal Alliance is made up of people from all sorts of backgrounds. Jedi, Sith, some in between--such as the defected Knights of Zakuul. Odessen’s neutrality probably helped everyone feel safer.”

Altrethir: “Indeed. The subject piques my interest. Perhaps I should do some independent research on the matter later.”

[Flirt] You want a tour? -- “The base is pretty big, but the wilds are where the real beauty and charm lie. I should show you around.”

Altrethir: “And I would not object. Your company has been ever pleasant.”

I don’t care. -- “There’s got to be something better on your mind than that.”

Altrethir: “Matters concerning the Force are always something worth thinking critically about.”

(continued) Altrethir: “I am inclined to speak to the leader of your Force Enclave: The Voss Mystic, Sana-Rae.” “If there is nothing else for now, Commander, I shall be heading on my way.”

Go ahead -- “I’ll see you around. You know the way?”

Altrethir: “I do. Farewell for now, Commander.”

[Flirt] I’d rather show you around. -- “My offer for a tour’s still open, Altrethir. You sure you don’t want just a quick look around?”

Altrethir: “Since you are quite insistent, it would be rude of me to decline. Shall I meet with you somewhere after I’ve concluded my business?”

PC: "My personal landing zone will do just fine.”

Altrethir: “Then I shall be no longer than twenty minutes.” “I will see you then.”

(Continued scene, prompted from flirting)

Altrethir: “You were right; the wilds are utterly gorgeous. While perhaps a bit warmer in temperature, I daresay they remind me of Alderaan.”

PC: “Have you been to many worlds?”

Altrethir: “I have, yes. Once my old Sith Master granted me the freedom to travel where I pleased, I abused that power.” “After being chained and enslaved for the first twenty or so years of my life, I wanted to see everything the Galaxy had to offer.”

You weren’t only a slave to the Hutts. -- “Knowing the Sith hierarchy, you traded one master for another.”

Altrethir: “I do not disagree. Still, Lord Sen’tulo--my late Sith Master--granted me a level of freedom I’d never experienced before. I was grateful for that much.”

You fought for the wrong side. -- “The Empire openly oppresses people--aliens especially. Why waste so much time with them? Why didn’t you defect sooner?”

Altrethir: “I wanted to prove that success could be achieved no matter one’s species. By becoming a Lord of the Sith, I spat in the face of those who tried to drag me down throughout my endeavor.”

Sith Master? -- “You haven’t mentioned this Master before. What were they like?”

Altrethir: “Lord Sen’tulo was an honorable woman. Rational, level-headed, logical. Stern, but held compassion. She broke several Sith stereotypes. Perhaps that was what lead to her ultimate downfall.”

(continued) Altrethir: “Freedom is important to me. I cannot bear to see innocent individuals shackled as slaves.” “I know what that cruel life is like first-hand. Initially, I sought to use my position of power in the Empire to find an end to slavery. My desire clouded my judgement.” “The only way to end the practice was to fight against it. Thus, I defected.”

A noble cause. -- “I can tell how important your ideals are to you. You did the right thing.”

Altrethir: “Who determines what is right or what is wrong is irrelevant. But--I understand your meaning. I did what I believe was right.”

Position of power? -- “Just how powerful of a Sith were you before turning to the Republic?”

Altrethir: “A Darth, but not on the Dark Council. I nearly reached the position when I had my revelation.”

The Republic’s wary. -- “The Sith are ancient enemies of the Republic and the Jedi. Do they wholly trust you?”

Altrethir: “I would imagine there are many who don’t. But the team I work with does--they are all I need to prove my loyalty.”

(continued) Altrethir: “Your hospitality has been greatly appreciated, Commander.” “Though we’ve known one another for a relatively short period of time, I speak truthfully when I say I’ve enjoyed every moment of your company. You are quite the inspiring leader.”

[Kiss] So have I. -- “And I’ve enjoyed your company.”

(post-kiss) Altrethir: “Commander, you are as charming as you are alluring.”

We should head back. -- “It’s been nice. We should be heading back, though.”

“I concur. Thank you for this time to speak with you; it has been a pleasure.”

[ancient-day]

On the Third Semester and PT Awareness

Over the year, I’ve seen various interpretations concerning the third semester and how “guilty” the Phantom Thieves are in falling prey to Maruki’s reality, and I wanted to throw out my own take and observation on the group. And this observation is based under the assumption that Akira has reached Confidant Rank 10 with every single party member, including Akechi and Sumire.

This isn’t to argue with anyone, and I’m not looking to make any sort of “I’m right; therefore, you’re wrong if you don’t agree” arguments here because at the end of the day, responses to media will always vary, and these characters are all human enough to have a multitude of interpretations. That does not make them badly written, it simply means that we as the audience may have different understandings based on our own personal experiences that impact how we view the characters.

With all that being said, I’ll get right into it. Do I think the PT were “bad friends” to Akira in the third semester? Short answer: It’s complicated, and different friends fulfill different needs. Long answer, below.

Starting with Akechi.

I’m gonna get this out of the way, but worry not, this isn’t an elaborate excuse to gush about their bond even if they’re my favorite characters. Bias aside,  Akira and Akechi have a solid bond where they’ve finally come to rely on each other, and we finally get to see that come into play in this final arc of the game.

In Rank 8, Akechi expresses admiration for Akira’s strength and admits that he’d be relying on him in a pinch.

And this is exactly what he does when he seeks out Akira as soon as he’s let out of police custody. He notices things are odd and immediately goes to the person he knows he can rely on so that they can figure it out together. It’s painted as a deal, and obviously that appears strictly transactional, but that’s exactly how Akira has operated in his own relationships. He makes deals with his confidants; this is nothing new.

He even admits that he’d have snapped Akira out of the delusion, just like Akira does for all his other friends (albeit in a much less gentle way, but in his defense, he’s not exactly equipped for gently talking someone out of their happiness).

So for better or for worse, Akechi’s here with all the straightforwardness and sharp edges you could expect from someone dragged back from death’s door to deal with yet another manipulative adult trying to control his and his friend’s lives. He isn’t without his sympathetic moments, but for the most part, he’s clearly trying to be the consistent voice of reason when anyone may falter.

One of the most incredible displays of this is 2/2. By this point, all of the PT have been broken out of their trance, and they’re well aware that Maruki is going to confront Akira, especially because Akechi basically goes out of his way to point out that it’s the most likely scenario in their group chat.

Even though they all know this, they trust Akira to be able to handle this as their leader and to reach out if he needs anything. The problem here is that... Akira isn’t exactly known to do this. By now, they’ve all known him for a year, and they know that he handles most of his shit alone (mostly due to the Protagonist ProblemTM where the protag has to be mostly self-reliant to give the player something to do, but there are also instances of Akira deliberately hiding his pain and trauma from others to ease their minds [his headaches and responses to Shido]).

So why are they making him do it alone? Why isn’t anyone on stand-by? It’s possible they consider Morgana as enough support, so perhaps the thought never crosses their mind. Even Morgana is apprehensive about the whole thing, but doesn’t advise him to contact anyone else.

So who does give him back-up? Akechi. He doesn’t invite himself in, he doesn’t text Akira to let him know he’s just outside in case he needs him, and he doesn’t draw attention to it until Maruki calls him out.

He could be here for any number of reasons, and it doesn’t even have to be just one reason. But let’s assume he’s here because he wants to make sure Akira won’t be swayed by Maruki’s words or the temptation of his life without him being present to speak for himself. In both cases, he’s emotionally backing Akira up and going out of his way to help in his own way.

This speaks volumes for his strength of resolve and how far he’s come.

I don’t need to discuss the rest of this interaction because the primary focus is that Akechi demonstrates his friendship by being there for Akira even when his year-long friends weren’t (physically).

But are they bad friends for not doing this?

Not necessarily. Not everyone has this kind of strength and awareness to understand their friends on this level. Akira and Akechi understand each other well because they’re very similar at their core. This isn’t necessarily bias because the game goes out of its way to show and tell us this (hell, Arsene’s and Loki’s silhouettes are strikingly similar!). It makes them inconsiderate perhaps, but it doesn’t mean that they’re overall bad friends.

It’s not completely their fault that they buy Akira’s stoic leader personality. He doesn’t really give them much to work with, and as much as we all want to believe that we’d do better as friends, sometimes you really do think people can handle the problems they say they can and just hope that they’ll come to you when they need you. It’s human.

So rewinding now that I’m done focusing on what Akechi offered as a friend this semester and going back to the PT being under Maruki’s influence.

Each of the thieves offers Akira an apology during their third awakening, and I’m sure many people found this highly unnecessary because as far as we know, they were completely brainwashed by Maruki’s control on the world around them. However, if this were the case, then why would they feel so deeply apologetic? I have a couple theories about this.

One. This would be the second time Akira has to push them out of their own wallowing (the first time in the Velvet Room just before fighting Yaldabaoth), and their resolves back then would appear flimsy to them now having fallen under yet another form of manipulation. Where before they were ready to submit to the hopelessness and sloth, here they’re falling under Maruki’s spell because a strong enough part of them desired things to be different regardless of how far they’d come and how much they’d grown.

Two. Because they were at least partially aware things were odd and willingly chose to ignore it because they didn’t want to confront the truth.

This is said before the third awakenings, right after the group comes to rescue Akira and Akechi and help defeat berserk!Cendrillon. While the group had a conversation about vaguely remembering events that contradict their happy reality prior to this, this confirms that at least Futaba was aware things were odd even before Akira tried to snap her out of it. Whether this is due to her navigation abilities or her awakening having been linked to her desire to never again turn her eyes away from the truth, it’s hard to say. But this is important to note that while they were tempted by Maruki, at least one person in the group was aware that things were odd and willingly chose not to question it.

Can we blame her? Of course not. But it’s still worth pointing out that this situation isn’t so clear as “the PT had absolutely zero idea that they were in an odd situation until Akira tried to wake them from it.”

So what about everyone else? What do they really have to be sorry for?

Morgana apologizes for not holding true to his resolve, and he feels as though he’s let both himself and Akira down in doing so. He also acknowledges that he’s responsible for shoving all his own problems onto Akira and vows to change this.

While he doesn’t seem to admit to any awareness that things were odd before Akira put the idea in his head, it seems like he still holds himself responsible for having had doubts in his resolve that he’d reached with Akira in their rank 10. And these doubts caused him to rely on that false happiness and turn his back on Akira, even if he didn’t mean to.

I think it’s great that he brings attention to this and wants to be more independent. Of course Akira will still be there for him, but it’s not healthy for either of them for Morgana to have put him in this position, and now they can continue growing in their friendship. And so when he promises to protect Akira from here on out, it’s a vow that rings true because he had the strength to confront his own weaknesses, admit to them, and apologize for how they hurt someone he cares deeply about. Sometimes we hurt people we love without meaning to or when we’re caught up in ourselves.

And these characters are teenagers. They’re inherently pretty selfish, which isn’t an evil or bad thing so much as it’s a stage of life that makes it difficult to look outside yourself. Makoto even admits to this in her own apology.

When we’re fans of these characters, our instinct is to say you didn’t do anything wrong; you have nothing to apologize for, but these apologies aren’t coming out of no where, and they’re allowed to reflect and regret what they’ve done even if they didn’t mean to.

And I know I already touched on Futaba’s situation here, but there’s something else in her third awakening that shows her bond with Akira and adds to her guilt. She specifically fears that she’s betrayed him and hurt him greatly, even though he reassures her she hasn’t. Why does this stand out to me? Because all throughout Royal, one of Akira’s consistent fears is the fear of betrayal.

And this shows that Futaba knows him well enough to know this is something that hurts him personally, and she’s worried she did that to him. While the hurt isn’t as severe as she fears, it’s a fair assumption for her to come to after having admitted that she willingly turned away from the truth.

I’m going to cut the awakenings here because I don’t have much else to add about the entirety of the PT because it could end up redundant, but these were specific examples that show that they do have things to apologize to Akira for, and it’s not a matter of them blaming themselves for being “brainwashed” so much as them apologizing for once again putting Akira in a position where he has to snap them out of their weaknesses after they’ve promised to be there for him.

The overall impression I get from their responsibility in the matter is that to an extent, all of them probably experienced something similar to what Futaba described about having felt something was off initially but ignored/denied it until Akira came to them and really made them confront it out loud. Her sense of it may have been the strongest, but I still think there has to be some degree in each of them, even if faint.

This makes them human, flawed yet sympathetic. They’re allowed to mess up in their friendships, especially since a majority of them have close to no experience with friendship as is. Akechi isn’t the better support here due to his own skills in friendship; he and Akira have a special understanding of one another because they’re extremely similar and aren’t convinced by masks and appearances. And Akechi has been severely manipulated, so he knows damn well that Akira’s gonna need back-up against another manipulative person even if he thinks he can handle it alone. Akechi’s been there and he knows how that goes.

So it’s not necessarily a matter of him being the better friend overall so much as they’re all Akira’s close friends and support him in various ways. And ideally, Akira should have that in his friend group. There are things that the PT can offer that Akechi can’t, and vice versa. But I think it’s more than fair to acknowledge when the PT slip up and have a messy handling of their relationships.

They’re all growing and learning.