#but i also feel. so much lighter
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dagasinfilo Ā· 1 year ago
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man trauma healing really is a fucking
#i feel iā€™ve been doing so much more work and real progress toward actual healing this past few days than iā€™ve been able to do in my life#and i have to say it hasnā€™t even beenā€¦. that hard?#i mean itā€™s been hard as fucking balls and itā€™s been heavy and painful and iā€™m fucking exhausted#and i feel like i want to cry gallons and like i have a tennis ball in my throat#but i also feel. so much lighter#i now more fully understand just how much my brain wasnā€™t cooperating. how much i just *could not think*#how much nothing i did worked in a lasting and solid brain because i really *really* couldnā€™t put my brain toward it#lasting and solid way** lol#so i just. convinced myself forced myself to be ā€˜ā€™okayā€™ā€™ in spite of#everything#how much i couldnā€™t conceptualize healing as anything different than acceptance of repression. as resignation#and now suddenly my brain is not only cooperative but *wanting to* cooperate. even forcing me to think about and work stuff out that iā€™ve#been putting off for so so fucking long#itā€™s weird#it feels so overwhelmingly bad. itā€™s so fucking painful. but itā€™s such a god damn mother fucking relief#like cutting a chunk of severely infected tissue out of my very core#itā€™s not even that iā€™m forcing myself to do something that i donā€™t want to do because i know itā€™ll be good in the long run#i want to do this. i needed this. iā€™m glad it hurts.#im wholeheartedly glad iā€™m going through this
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puppetmaster13u Ā· 8 months ago
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Prompt 301
Ellie, during one of her stints of what do I do with my life right now, decides to, with the help of her Original Dad-Person (Look heā€™s aging and sheā€™s not and it gets less questions the older he gets if he says daughter instead of sister with how the Fentons are getting older too) creates a Boo-Tube channel. No, not a Youtube channel, those are stuck to a single dimension.
Bootube on the other hand? Due to being through the Realms (and wow is Tucker getting so much income from creating it) is interdimensional. Which is so cool honestly. And she doesnā€™t know what to do at first, and honestly thereā€™s already so many travel blogs that she kind of justā€¦ decided to do something that she wished someone had done for her and her brothers and Danny when she was new to the world.Ā 
So she creates the channel CAAW: Clone Awareness, Accommodations, and Welfare. They had to learn things through trial and error, but maybe she can help someone out there learn how to find their own selves, or even help someone not melt.Ā 
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luminique Ā· 1 month ago
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i woukd have some thoughts id like to share w the classā€¦ i remember seeing a video on guardian bells once; iā€™m not too well-versed in biker culture but theyā€™re bells bikers/motorcycle riders put on their bikes as good luck charms/protection from accidents or mech failures. i havent actually touched zzz in a while, so i donā€™t know if the SoC have them in their designs or mention them in dialogues but i like to think they do have these bells somewhere on their own vehicles or have knowledge of them at least!
imagine lighter receiving one from his s/o / love interest / crushā€¦ maybe it was made just for him or maybe they gave/made the entire crew their own bells, but a certain someone takes extra care of his and makes sure to keep it in his sight when drivingā€¦.. many brainwormsā€¦ safe to say this man is making me a little insaneā€¦(ā— ĖƒĢ¶ĶˆĢ€ćƒ­Ė‚Ģ¶ĶˆĢ)ą©­ź „ā¾ā¾
hope im not being too much of a bother by dumping too many Thoughtsā„¢ļø and that ur generally doin good in life/staying in good health!ļ¼ˆļ¼¾āˆ‡ļ¼¾ļ¼‰i rly like ur works and i always look forward to whenever i see u post something regardless of what it isā€¦ <3
OH MY GOD !! THIS FACT IS SO INSANE i went and watched some videos about it and it is so cute to think that.
maybe you aren't that good riding bikes or just not much of rider yourself, so instead, you gave all of the sons of calydon their own bells. they could hear it jingle in your hands as you rushed over to them. they had the signature boar design on them and then little engravings of their name on it so that it was extra special. supposedly, when a biker bell is gifted, it enhances its power of keeping the rider safe.
all of them appreciated the lovely gesture but lighter specifically, he didn't know where to properly place it. most of the time, you hang them on the bottom of the bike. that's no good, he wanted to see this gift, a reminder that you got it for him specifically.
but as the legend goes, it is to ward off little gremlins.... wait were there even gremlins in the outer ring? maybe bangboos might cause havoc on the bike but they wouldn't do that, right? well he didn't want it to not work, so he begrudgingly installs it pretty low on his bike.
every time he rides, he can hear the soft jingling of it from the wind. it does get drowned out by the loud engines but just the knowledge that it's there, the knowledge that you want him to drive safely, he can't help but smile whenever he hears it.
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zarnzarn Ā· 4 months ago
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(check the tags for more and also the tag for other fics in the story!)
athena, scowling as she gets bullied into marrying the people she pined over for the last 1000 years, suddenly realising something: wait a minute
odysseus: what?
athena, frozen: wait a damn minute you know what this gives me rights to do
penelope, also realising: oh fuck yes
odysseus: I don't like the sound of whatever's happening here what are you two fucking talking about?
athena, grabbing the marriage wine and tossing it back, then kissing her new wife and husband and handing penelope a spear as she picks up a mace: we'll be back shortly, you can start celebrations without us.
penelope: do u have anything that can start a fire
athena, pulling out an old contract and scanning it before throwing it over her shoulder: yes. are you scared of heights or can we fly.
penelope: fucking bring it I've waited years for this moment
zeus: where are they going
hermes, picking up the contract: they're going to... Ogygia? Oh fucking shit they're going to fucking kill Calypso- hey, hello, WAIT-
#odysseus disappears midway because athena plants one on him so hard his soul evaporates#(strategic to make him stop from coming after them and also from passion she forgot to hold back for once)#(and also shes maybe possibly in love and cant wait to get vengeance on Calypsos bitch ass who hurt him so much for so long)#penelope has had to deal with calypos afteraffects for literally the rest of their lives. from flashbacks to odysseus inconsolably crying#at her feet for forgiveness some days even though shes always said frim the first moment that it wasnt his fault#the rest of the gods have to chase them down to prevent them from eternally torturing calypso (goddesses cant die <3)#athenas blazing mad and sick with guilt and horror. she couldn't attack before because it would be seen as an attack from olympus#but as a wife! as two wifes! no political implications there no holds barred calypso gets her ass BEAT#but also pls imagine them chasing her and gods chasing them round and round the island while screaming#odysseus wavered like 17 times on whether to ask hermes for a lift there or not but goes in the end#their honeymoon in truth ends up being on ogygia#athena lovingly and seductively teaching penelope how to fillet a person both of them covered in ichor#odysseus with a hand over his mouth blushing grinning tears in eyes torn between turned on and terrified to be back and crying coz they lov#him that much.#((he goes to her just before they leave in the cave she used to drag him to. she can barely hold herself up and hes shaking to approach))#((but he's stronger now. settled and satisfied and content. he kneels by her and sets down bandages next to her.))#((i told you i was married he says. and because his truest weapon is his tongue- if youd just listened i wouldve found us both a way out))#she sobs and he leaves. the scars will never fade fully but he feels lighter as he steps out into the sun where athene and pen are waiting.#bloodsoaked and being shouted at by hera but smiling at him widely and gleefully as he approaches. takes a hand each and presses him btwn.#he squeezes back with a smile and leans into them. his beautiful horrifying wives#odypenath#odypenetha#odysseus#penelope#athena#odypen#odyath#penath#epic the musical#love in paradise
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lazylittledragon Ā· 10 months ago
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a 2 act tragedy starring me: iā€™ve been making fruit smoothies in the morning for a few days which has been great because itā€™s getting me to actually eat fruit for once, only to go on the internet and be told that it apparently releases all the natural sugars so it's actually Not that great for you and i am devastated
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buildoblivion Ā· 1 year ago
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more dw thoughts but the choice to differentiate between 10 and 14 by showing off the new dudeā€™s homegrown ability to say how much he loves his friends is just ā€¦ fucking brilliant actually
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cametotheshowinsd Ā· 2 years ago
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Who would you be sad with? And who would you deal with when they were sad? Grey skies every day for months, would you still stay?
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ghastigiggles Ā· 11 months ago
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Omg omg omg "Here comes the tickle monster" with ler!Jing Yuan and lee!Yanqing! If that's okay ofcšŸ’•
Mischievious Prompts [Still Open]
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ā€œMy lord, please, you should still be restingā€¦ā€
ā€œA little rest is good for the soul,ā€ Jing Yuan smiled back, gazing out the window; ā€œBut too much, and one risks becoming lethargic.ā€
Yanqing sighed softly, his brow furrowing with worry as he gazed at the generalā€™s back. While it was true that Jing Yuan was bouncing back well, a part of him ā€“ the part that was still attached to his mentor ā€“ still stressed over the depth of his wounds. Jing Yuan could be like a cat at the best of times, concealing facets of his health to avoid worrying those he cared for ā€“ and giving his enemies an advantage, all the same.
ā€œ... I understand,ā€ The young warrior managed after a moment, knowing better than to push his luck too far; ā€œIn that case, if thereā€™s anything I can do to help, please, let me be of service.ā€
ā€œHm.ā€
Jing Yuan turned to look down upon Yanqing, a soft smile upon his lips as he took in the boyā€™s worried state ā€“ and with a soft chuckle, he nodded, turning to face him fully as Yanqing perked to attention.
ā€œThere is one thingā€¦ā€
Something about the generalā€™s tone struck a memory for Yanqing, who promptly tensed ā€“ suddenly overwhelmingly glad that there were no other members of staff present in Jing Yuanā€™s office. As the older warrior stepped forward, he stepped back, swallowing as he realized where this was going.
ā€œMy lordā€¦! You canā€™t be serious ā€“ your condition is ā€“ā€
ā€œNot severe enough to stop the tickle monster!ā€
In a split moment, Jing Yuan grinned and started closer, earning a yelp of alarm from Yanqing as he darted away in turn, quickly moving to stay out of reach ā€“ though he couldnā€™t stop the anticipatory, equally entertained smile from seizing his features, nor the squeal that escaped him when the general finally seized his target.Ā 
ā€œHere it comes!ā€
ā€œEeyah! Nohohoo, my - my lohordā€¦!ā€
Ultimately, a little laughter was a soothing balm for both of their souls ā€“ and for those who passed by the officeā€™s doors, pausing to smile at the muffled sounds of play within. All would be well within the Divination Commission.
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tanglecolors Ā· 9 days ago
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heheee furri vander/warwick stuff
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ciaomarie Ā· 6 months ago
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The quiet angst of Sydcarmy S3 was almost too much to bear...
LIke if Storer and Calo just give us this
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and this again
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GIF by thiscoldheart
by the end of S4, I will treasure those scraps. I might get all tantrumy and moany with y'all on Tumblr eventually, but I'd be grateful for awhile. So grateful Claire would tell ME to stand up!
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icewindandboringhorror Ā· 1 year ago
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I can't do much productively during the heat wave/health issue flare up/etc. like work on my games or anything where I have to sit at the computer/type for long periods of time, BUT.. I did passively sculpt a few tiny foods lol. I wanted to do one of my bigger usual sculptures, but those take so much more time and concentration, I thought something small just to keep my hands busy would be better.. close up photos look kind of weird and blurry from my camera settings or something, but overall they came out okay, especially in person.. Nearly the only reason I ever wanted to buy dolls as a kid was to get my hands on the miniature foods and plates and stuff that came with them, I've always just been obsessed with small versions of things like that, so.. why not make some! lol
#sculpture#ooops.. i could have posted this on the art blog but I forgor and do not feel like reuploading everything#into a new drafted post on a whole other blog.. not in this heat.. i have no patience lol#items are: tomato. asparagus. a four leaf clover (not food lol). some sort of folded bun or dumpling with meat inside (not based on#anything specific. I just wanted to fold a flat sheet of clay into a shape). pomegranate. cheese wheel. lemon slice. some sort of mushroom.#fish (not a real one. just made up. if it looks like any specific fish that'd be interesting). and fig.#I haven't been able to get many avocaodo pits to carve again. so sculpting. then is good for a tiny craft#WISH I COULD DO COSTUMES OR SOMETHING.. i have some pikced out. bundles of clothes laying on the floor of the closet#but GODS even before the heat wave it's just been so warm.. I know.. it's the summer. of course it's warm#but WHYYYyy............. what if it just snowed all year around and was awesome and beautiful and i was so cold and could wear 25 blankets#at all times.. what about THAT hmm?? .. the ideal..#anyway.. my favorite is the pomegranate and the mushroom maybe#The fig is hard because in the pictures of figs I googled a lot of them have that sort of white powdery type of thing on the outside#that grapes and plums and stuff have sometimes and it's hard to convey that weird like.. sheen.. plus the purple with almost powdery blue#and little lighter specks plus streaks of light green and a little orangey on some of them.#It's okay in person I think but this doesnt show up as much in pictures. The cheese also looks betterin person than images. you can't tell#the slight shine in the pictures lol. but the pomegranates look cool and also photograph decent.. hmm#I should have made toast with an egg on it or something. that would be a nice addition#OH ALSO ASPARAGUS MY BELOVED.. though they look a little wonky. the cuticle pusher tool that I sculpt with in leiu of any actual sculpting#tools has a kind of triangle edge that was suite for the little leaf details of the asparagus so that was cool. its like..ALMOST right lol
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luminique Ā· 2 months ago
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HEAR ME OUT, one sided love?? Imagine s/o doesnā€™t like lighter back, being oblivious about lighters feeling and only see lighter as a friend meanwhile lighter is so MADLY in love with them and is aware of s/o not liking him back but he canā€™t help it because youā€™re the only one that makes him feel this way even if his feelings arenā€™t reciprocatedā€¦ theyā€™re so doomed think about the potential angst!! šŸ«¤
lighter isnā€™t perfect. his body is littered in scars of his past, his actions are solutions to mistakes he had made before. to say that he deserved something as rewarding as love didnā€™t sound right to him, but oh, would it feel right if it was from you.
it was definitely not an immediate fall, rather it was slower like starting a fire. you bring the materials you require, some wood and a starter. itā€™s difficult to get a fire going, even he knows that with his lighter in hand. his hand gets warmer the longer the flame is out but it doesnā€™t compare to the accidental grazes of your hand against his gloved ones.
he had poked you once with the spikes on his gloves. the look on your face when you brought your hand up to rub it while you apologized for it. why were you apologizing? every soft ā€œsorryā€ that came out of your mouth was like sprinkling water onto the fire. best to get fresh firewood so that it doesnā€™t go out.
ensuring that the fire is a consistent flame is also important to prevent accidents. accidents like playfully taking off his sunglasses and putting it on yourself while imitating him. somehow, that didnā€™t cause the fire to go out, in fact, it made it burn even brighter than before. the redness on his face when he watched you was comparable to the orange and red hues of a fire.
he stayed close to the fire, close to you. feeling the warmth of love on his skin, finding it calming but also terrifying. it doesnā€™t rain often in the outer ring but that doesnā€™t stop him from worrying that it would all of a sudden. so he lies awake at night, thinking about all of the possibilities, the what ifs and its outcomes.
he thought he had considered everything. from keeping the fire from going out, to ensuring it was a stable flame, to tending it slowly and carefully. what he didnā€™t consider was getting too close to the fire, burning through what he thought was tough skin.
he was too focused on trying to maintain a certain personality, not quite showing his interest in you. so when caesar was talking to you about her love stories while everyone was hanging around the bar, his heart rate increased. just like how consuming alcohol affects oneā€™s mental and physical state, so does it affect a fire. maybe someone poured his drink into the flames as he watched it burn even brighter than before, making him eavesdrop on your conversation.
but a large flame meant a higher possibility of getting burnt, and soon he saw the burn marks on his skin. as you continued to talk with caesar, the longer he let the fire burn him. how you had said that real love wasnā€™t like the stories, how you seemed disinterested in romance, how you had believed that no one was interested in you. at that moment, he ended up getting more drinks from burnice, hoping it would soothe the roaring flames within him. he drank so much and fell asleep to the soft crackling of the fire, your voice acting as background noise.
he woke up to the coldness of the bar counter pressing on his cheek. the fire had been put out by you when you tapped on his shoulder. the memories of last night flooding into his mind like water. maybe it was all some nightmare and you did like him back, but the sudden coolness of your touch made him realize the reality of it all.
you didnā€™t like him, and not because he did anything wrong but because he didnā€™t do anything in your eyes. you were feeding the fire in his heart and he mistook that fire for your heart too. he sat up straight, took one look at you and shook his head. you still cared for him, came with water and woke him up gently. he never intended to get so severely injured because of his own growing feelings for you.
his own feelings, you didnā€™t even know he had any for you. the pile of ashes, you both stared at it and yet only he knew that fire existed. the flames had misled him, danced around his heart that craved for you, that only asked for you as its fuel. now all he can do was sit next to what was once a big fire, feeling the cold on his skin despite the layers. no warmth left, no light left, no love left.
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brucie-baby Ā· 11 days ago
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I know everyone loves the angst and stuff with the Living Gotham AU, but gimme something warm, sweet, cute, or fun for it.
Please. I can't stand things that are sucky. Life has its ups too!
genuinely having to take a solid moment to think here bc even when i try to give fluff it's got a lil angst to it.
bruce loves the way that Gotham will allow him to do near enough anything if he wants it bad enough. it comes in handy when he's trying to intimidate people.
he backs a guy into an alley, one of those big ones who thinks he can take on the big, bad bat. normally bruce wouldn't even bother, but this guy has information he needs, and he needs it now. the guy doesn't look too scared. he's heard stories of batman, sure, even seen him a few times, but he knows that batman's just a man in a mask, and all men can bleed if you know how to cut them.
but then the buildings around them start to close in, start to almost loom over him. the bricks against his back feel sharper, rougher, like they're dragging along his skin. suddenly all background sound cuts out and all he can hear is his own breathing getting heavier. the bat looks taller and the guy feels so small. that's when the shadows start to creep in on him, slithering around his feet and crawling along his arms up to his neck and framing the bat as if he's part of them. his hair stands on end and he's trembling. he's trembling like he's six years old all over again.
the bat doesn't say anything. he takes a step closer, just a single step, and the temperature drops so far he feels like someone has just walked over his grave.
the guy spills everything he knows. he tells the bat all about who he's working for, what he was told to do, where the villain is hiding out. he tells him things that aren't even relevant, like where he lives and what he ate for breakfast that morning. he's terrified.
the bat takes a step back, and the guy runs. he runs and he doesn't look back.
which is a shame, really, because if he had, he'd have seen duke doubled in laughter, tears at the corners of his eyes and needing to hold onto the wall just to stay upright. bruce is trying to hold it in but he's chuckling too. he loves it as much as duke does when Gotham and the signal join forces. for a moment, it feels like Gotham herself is laughing along with them.
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literaturechaos Ā· 1 year ago
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Just want you all to know that I, Carrion has destroyed me
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undergoing-mitosis Ā· 8 months ago
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i am keeping both freminet and chongyun on my team and using them both as dps i do not care that they are both cryo claymore characters (so less capability for elemental reactions) cause they are my silly little autism children and i love them and i will protect them with my life and nothing that anyone says can stop me
oh yeah also i pulled the bell for the first time today and yes apparently it is by far not the best weapon for chongyun but it FITS HIM SO WELL so i simply do not care
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like look at my boy šŸ„¹ it matches his belt šŸ„¹
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sysig Ā· 2 days ago
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Physical media is forever (Patreon)
#Doodles#Helix#Max Vyer#Dexter Favin#Vent#I'm trying to remember the last time I made a fandom vent rather than my sona.... Probably Vargas-something#*continues to project onto Max* He really is just like me fr#Probably pretty obvious what this is in reference to - turned a bit more malicious and intentional here#Something something it's easier to be angry at a source of intention than to be sad about coincidental bad luck#I'm not about to be thankful for a bad thing happening but the fallout thereof Is interesting in its own right#Like how this probably wouldn't have crossed my mind elsewise - nor would I have started and finished it all in one big sprint#Not much else I could do except get some of the feelings Out#Ft. some of the thoughts I had - self arguments to try to minimize(?) the hurt#Especially of just recreating it since so much of it was my thoughts - Max's dreams are just his subconscious right? Haha#But when you build something over the course of years there's these subtle builds that divorce Then from Now#Not to mention whatever stimuli at the time - if Max's life coincided with specific dreams and both are never repeated#One thing that I think about a lot - ironically haha - is that you only get to experience A Thing for the first time Once#You are then forever changed even if just in some small way - an action that can never be unactioned#Even otherwise recreating the perfect set of circumstances just won't produce the same outcome#It all threads into my thoughts on Legacy as well - if what we leave behind ceases to be - if our butterfly wings are blown out#It could happen at any point - posthumously or while we're still here - and how much does that change in the long run?#It's an interestingly depressing thought haha#It's also part of why I double down on art so so so much - a language that cuts to the core of me#Every picture worth 1000 words - hopefully enough to make up for however many lost (I did a rough estimate and it would've been ~380k)#Somewhere in there are the feelings that lost their voice - were big and loud enough to immortalize in graphite on paper#Scanned and uploaded and maybe even downloaded elsewhere in the world - preserved fourfold in a way a single file on a single computer isn't#Even if one is destroyed it's somewhere else; the danger of only having one copy a kind of trust in program or physicality but no guarantee#Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts - also part of why I tag to tag limit so often I want them saved somewhere outside myself#Seems silly to talk about the art too but I have thoughts there as well haha - like of Madame Vyer asking for Dex's lighter#Dex holding Max back - to protect him from the damage while forcing him to confront it cruelty cruelty
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