#but i also feel. so much lighter
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man trauma healing really is a fucking
#i feel i’ve been doing so much more work and real progress toward actual healing this past few days than i’ve been able to do in my life#and i have to say it hasn’t even been…. that hard?#i mean it’s been hard as fucking balls and it’s been heavy and painful and i’m fucking exhausted#and i feel like i want to cry gallons and like i have a tennis ball in my throat#but i also feel. so much lighter#i now more fully understand just how much my brain wasn’t cooperating. how much i just *could not think*#how much nothing i did worked in a lasting and solid brain because i really *really* couldn’t put my brain toward it#lasting and solid way** lol#so i just. convinced myself forced myself to be ‘’okay’’ in spite of#everything#how much i couldn’t conceptualize healing as anything different than acceptance of repression. as resignation#and now suddenly my brain is not only cooperative but *wanting to* cooperate. even forcing me to think about and work stuff out that i’ve#been putting off for so so fucking long#it’s weird#it feels so overwhelmingly bad. it’s so fucking painful. but it’s such a god damn mother fucking relief#like cutting a chunk of severely infected tissue out of my very core#it’s not even that i’m forcing myself to do something that i don’t want to do because i know it’ll be good in the long run#i want to do this. i needed this. i’m glad it hurts.#im wholeheartedly glad i’m going through this
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Prompt 301
Ellie, during one of her stints of what do I do with my life right now, decides to, with the help of her Original Dad-Person (Look he’s aging and she’s not and it gets less questions the older he gets if he says daughter instead of sister with how the Fentons are getting older too) creates a Boo-Tube channel. No, not a Youtube channel, those are stuck to a single dimension.
Bootube on the other hand? Due to being through the Realms (and wow is Tucker getting so much income from creating it) is interdimensional. Which is so cool honestly. And she doesn’t know what to do at first, and honestly there’s already so many travel blogs that she kind of just… decided to do something that she wished someone had done for her and her brothers and Danny when she was new to the world.
So she creates the channel CAAW: Clone Awareness, Accommodations, and Welfare. They had to learn things through trial and error, but maybe she can help someone out there learn how to find their own selves, or even help someone not melt.
#DCxDP#DPXDC#Prompts#Kon & all the other clones Love Her so much#And it genuinely helps people figure things out if they Do have sudden clones#Each video is in an entirely new place & sometimes it’s just her and sometimes she drags in her DNA Donor & Co#Danny also did a video on what to do if you suddenly find out you have a clone & also discusses the emotions#”I know it feels violating as hell- but you can’t take it out on them. Artificial memories or information or not that is a newborn- a baby-#& they don’t know any better- but also be aware of if you know you Can't properly care for a child & make sure they have a caretaker”#”But also do feel free to beat up the person who stole your DNA especially if they’re your villain-rogue-or whatever other term your#timeline has it’s cathartic”#Ellie has videos such as: How to figure out clone relationships & How to find your first hobbies#& Interacting with the world: What to do First#Some are sillier and lighter while some are more serious#There’s also a special multi part series with special guest Dan referred to as the Evil Clone series#Technically he’s both from the future a fusion & a clone & it’s crazy to the people watching
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Siegfried cares, in his own special way ♥︎ // 05.02
#Siegfried Farnon#Audrey Hall#ACGAS#ACGAS 2020#All Creatures Great and Small#Siegfried x Audrey#Seriously this episode#I still have like 10 gif sets on my list I want to make just based on this episode!?#it is so amazing#the way they talked to one another#things have shifted so much#there is a new stronger connection between them and a new understanding#it feels so much lighter and more intimate than ever before#also the stupid blackout scene is shit to colour!!!
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(check the tags for more and also the tag for other fics in the story!)
athena, scowling as she gets bullied into marrying the people she pined over for the last 1000 years, suddenly realising something: wait a minute
odysseus: what?
athena, frozen: wait a damn minute you know what this gives me rights to do
penelope, also realising: oh fuck yes
odysseus: I don't like the sound of whatever's happening here what are you two fucking talking about?
athena, grabbing the marriage wine and tossing it back, then kissing her new wife and husband and handing penelope a spear as she picks up a mace: we'll be back shortly, you can start celebrations without us.
penelope: do u have anything that can start a fire
athena, pulling out an old contract and scanning it before throwing it over her shoulder: yes. are you scared of heights or can we fly.
penelope: fucking bring it I've waited years for this moment
zeus: where are they going
hermes, picking up the contract: they're going to... Ogygia? Oh fucking shit they're going to fucking kill Calypso- hey, hello, WAIT-
#odysseus disappears midway because athena plants one on him so hard his soul evaporates#(strategic to make him stop from coming after them and also from passion she forgot to hold back for once)#(and also shes maybe possibly in love and cant wait to get vengeance on Calypsos bitch ass who hurt him so much for so long)#penelope has had to deal with calypos afteraffects for literally the rest of their lives. from flashbacks to odysseus inconsolably crying#at her feet for forgiveness some days even though shes always said frim the first moment that it wasnt his fault#the rest of the gods have to chase them down to prevent them from eternally torturing calypso (goddesses cant die <3)#athenas blazing mad and sick with guilt and horror. she couldn't attack before because it would be seen as an attack from olympus#but as a wife! as two wifes! no political implications there no holds barred calypso gets her ass BEAT#but also pls imagine them chasing her and gods chasing them round and round the island while screaming#odysseus wavered like 17 times on whether to ask hermes for a lift there or not but goes in the end#their honeymoon in truth ends up being on ogygia#athena lovingly and seductively teaching penelope how to fillet a person both of them covered in ichor#odysseus with a hand over his mouth blushing grinning tears in eyes torn between turned on and terrified to be back and crying coz they lov#him that much.#((he goes to her just before they leave in the cave she used to drag him to. she can barely hold herself up and hes shaking to approach))#((but he's stronger now. settled and satisfied and content. he kneels by her and sets down bandages next to her.))#((i told you i was married he says. and because his truest weapon is his tongue- if youd just listened i wouldve found us both a way out))#she sobs and he leaves. the scars will never fade fully but he feels lighter as he steps out into the sun where athene and pen are waiting.#bloodsoaked and being shouted at by hera but smiling at him widely and gleefully as he approaches. takes a hand each and presses him btwn.#he squeezes back with a smile and leans into them. his beautiful horrifying wives#odypenath#odypenetha#odysseus#penelope#athena#odypen#odyath#penath#epic the musical#love in paradise
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a 2 act tragedy starring me: i’ve been making fruit smoothies in the morning for a few days which has been great because it’s getting me to actually eat fruit for once, only to go on the internet and be told that it apparently releases all the natural sugars so it's actually Not that great for you and i am devastated
#ramble#i thought i was doing myself SO many favours#i ENJOY FRUIT i just don’t eat it for some reason related to adhd#context i am a long term ED sufferer so this kind of thing upsets me#honestly i don't care that much because it feels like it's better than Zero Fruit#can any dieticians put my mind at ease#someone explain how ‘the natural sugars are released and become Bad Sugar’ makes sense. like it’s all just the FRUIT#chanting to myself ‘there are no bad foods there are no bad foods there are no bad foods’#like the Nutrients are still there and some of the fibre is still there#tw ed#on a lighter note current fave is pineapple+orange#also kiwi which i didn’t think would be good#edit: WAIT YOU’RE RIGHT WOULDN’T THE SUGARS BE RELEASED THE EXACT SAME WAY BY JUST CONSUMING THE FRUIT. WHAT THE FUCK
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Head's up ! I'm putting left over zines up for sale later today so there is a very limited quantity of them 👀 You'll find them here eventually https://ko-fi.com/umichill/shop
#Also probs not gonna get more of them since shipping them out costs so much bc of the weight#18€ for priority like bruhhh... that's more than the zine 😭😭#So I'm offering only economy which still stings but oughhh#Might make lighter zines in the future but not feeling it rn#ANYWAY I've had these sat on my counter for a while and I finally got cardboard letters for them#art tag#charmes#transformers#merch stuff#I'll drop other merch later this month bc I don't wanna do everything at once.... ya girl tired from being born
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more dw thoughts but the choice to differentiate between 10 and 14 by showing off the new dude’s homegrown ability to say how much he loves his friends is just … fucking brilliant actually
#rtd and mr tennant i fecking love you thats BRILLIANT#doctor who#it’s like 10 but if he tried some therapy#spoilers#I like the choice to play with his cadence too - very Crowleyish but not 100%#I also love how much he feels things!!!!#when he’s excited he’s just buzzing and fizzing#like 10 obviously got the zoomies too but this feels so much … lighter??? earnest?????#urgh so good#much to discuss
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Who would you be sad with? And who would you deal with when they were sad? Grey skies every day for months, would you still stay?
#taylor swift#tswiftedit#tswiftgif#hoax#folklore the long pond studio sessions#it feels AWFUL when these lyrics are relatable but hey#I know you're going thru a hard time#I'm not very bright and I can't be with you like actually physically be by your side#but I CAN keep you in mind and be sad#FOR MONTHS#maybe even for a year#hope you could feel that I'm with you spiritually#always#these colors I use is how I feel about you#blue? yes#I'm sad every day for the past 2 weeks bc of what happened to you#but I pray that the blue will become lighter and lighter and eventually turn into a beautiful bright sky#I love you so much#wish you all the best#(also I guess you never paid any attention to a sorta b-side song until it's relatable)
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Omg omg omg "Here comes the tickle monster" with ler!Jing Yuan and lee!Yanqing! If that's okay ofc💕
Mischievious Prompts [Still Open]
“My lord, please, you should still be resting…”
“A little rest is good for the soul,” Jing Yuan smiled back, gazing out the window; “But too much, and one risks becoming lethargic.”
Yanqing sighed softly, his brow furrowing with worry as he gazed at the general’s back. While it was true that Jing Yuan was bouncing back well, a part of him – the part that was still attached to his mentor – still stressed over the depth of his wounds. Jing Yuan could be like a cat at the best of times, concealing facets of his health to avoid worrying those he cared for – and giving his enemies an advantage, all the same.
“... I understand,” The young warrior managed after a moment, knowing better than to push his luck too far; “In that case, if there’s anything I can do to help, please, let me be of service.”
“Hm.”
Jing Yuan turned to look down upon Yanqing, a soft smile upon his lips as he took in the boy’s worried state – and with a soft chuckle, he nodded, turning to face him fully as Yanqing perked to attention.
“There is one thing…”
Something about the general’s tone struck a memory for Yanqing, who promptly tensed – suddenly overwhelmingly glad that there were no other members of staff present in Jing Yuan’s office. As the older warrior stepped forward, he stepped back, swallowing as he realized where this was going.
“My lord…! You can’t be serious – your condition is –”
“Not severe enough to stop the tickle monster!”
In a split moment, Jing Yuan grinned and started closer, earning a yelp of alarm from Yanqing as he darted away in turn, quickly moving to stay out of reach – though he couldn’t stop the anticipatory, equally entertained smile from seizing his features, nor the squeal that escaped him when the general finally seized his target.
“Here it comes!”
“Eeyah! Nohohoo, my - my lohord…!”
Ultimately, a little laughter was a soothing balm for both of their souls – and for those who passed by the office’s doors, pausing to smile at the muffled sounds of play within. All would be well within the Divination Commission.
#hsr tickles#jing yuan#yanqing#mine#sorry this is a lil late#also sorry that its lighter on the Content side but#i finished the final bit of luofu before starting penacony tonight#so that was still fresh in my mind and like. the best point of reference for me to work with#also my first time writing for anyone from hsr so im sorry if it feels clunky#i will find my rhythm eventually god willing#anyway did you know i love them. did you know#their dynamic as like. mentor/student but also kind of big brother/lil brother is just...#its everything to me :( yanqing cares his mentor so much and wants to make him proud#and jing yuan cares his apprentice so much and wants to make him strong#im ngl though... luofu kinda made me Sleep storywise#i felt like it dragged a bit :( which SUCKS bc the characters are great#and ill take any chance to see the stellaron hunters do funky shit. which they did manymuch of during that story#it just got overshadowed by uh. too much filler imo#belobog and (so far) penacony have felt better paced#neway im rambling sorry#enjoy the fic o7
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The quiet angst of Sydcarmy S3 was almost too much to bear...
LIke if Storer and Calo just give us this
and this again
GIF by thiscoldheart
by the end of S4, I will treasure those scraps. I might get all tantrumy and moany with y'all on Tumblr eventually, but I'd be grateful for awhile. So grateful Claire would tell ME to stand up!
#even before I shipped them I loved them on my screen#the instant click#like it was such a relief when syd walked in S1E1#you could feel the air get lighter#carmy finally had someone on his side#syd had so much hope and trust despite the chaos#they finished each others thoughts#it was sublime#just fix it storer and calo#like before the season finale bc we need THEM#also I miss Carmy and Richie being cousins/brothers#oh carmy please stop hiding#same goes for YOU SYDNEY ADAMU#the bear#sydcarmy#PLEASE
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Just want you all to know that I, Carrion has destroyed me
#I carrion#Hozier#unreal unearth#icarian#somebody sedate me#I was at the Birmingham show and sobbed my way through when he played it there#so was sobbing even more having that memory and also just the lyrics and song in general#I feel lighter than I have in so much time#I want to feel that so fucking bad#and I felt so light at that show#I’m crying again#I’m gonna have to finish the rest of the album later bc I’m destroyed
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i am keeping both freminet and chongyun on my team and using them both as dps i do not care that they are both cryo claymore characters (so less capability for elemental reactions) cause they are my silly little autism children and i love them and i will protect them with my life and nothing that anyone says can stop me
oh yeah also i pulled the bell for the first time today and yes apparently it is by far not the best weapon for chongyun but it FITS HIM SO WELL so i simply do not care
like look at my boy 🥹 it matches his belt 🥹
#when you're playing genshin for the character personalities and the aesthetic not the efficiency#will i likely ever totally ace the spiral abyss? no. do i care? no. cause CHONGYUN IS COMING WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT#the reason why im so adamant on chongyun is cause im currently maining freminet. so he's my highest dps char atm so ofc he'll be on the tea#god i literally love them both so much#freminet is dissociation other-people-are-confusing-and-i-don't-like-that autism#that line about him wanting to go to the bottom of the ocean makes me feel every time#like... me too buddy me too#and then chongyun is special interest autusm#he reminds me of mob that's probably why i love him so much#BUT HE'S SO LIKE. I WILL DO THIS. AND DO IT RIGHT.#LIKE YES MY BOY GO YOU#anyways i have adopted them both#screw you arlecchino freminet is my son now#genshin#genshin impact#freminet#freminet genshin#chongyun#chongyun genshin impact#genshin cryo#also love the fact that the bell‚ my weapon for chongyun‚ is bigger and beefier than archaeic prototype‚ my weapon for freminet#just like freminet has a faster attack speed than chongyun#so it's like... one weapon seems lighter than the other#i was so proud when i realised that i had inadvertently done that and added physics where physics doesn't exist#thoughts n rambles#^ i meant prototype archaid. my bad :')
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I can't do much productively during the heat wave/health issue flare up/etc. like work on my games or anything where I have to sit at the computer/type for long periods of time, BUT.. I did passively sculpt a few tiny foods lol. I wanted to do one of my bigger usual sculptures, but those take so much more time and concentration, I thought something small just to keep my hands busy would be better.. close up photos look kind of weird and blurry from my camera settings or something, but overall they came out okay, especially in person.. Nearly the only reason I ever wanted to buy dolls as a kid was to get my hands on the miniature foods and plates and stuff that came with them, I've always just been obsessed with small versions of things like that, so.. why not make some! lol
#sculpture#ooops.. i could have posted this on the art blog but I forgor and do not feel like reuploading everything#into a new drafted post on a whole other blog.. not in this heat.. i have no patience lol#items are: tomato. asparagus. a four leaf clover (not food lol). some sort of folded bun or dumpling with meat inside (not based on#anything specific. I just wanted to fold a flat sheet of clay into a shape). pomegranate. cheese wheel. lemon slice. some sort of mushroom.#fish (not a real one. just made up. if it looks like any specific fish that'd be interesting). and fig.#I haven't been able to get many avocaodo pits to carve again. so sculpting. then is good for a tiny craft#WISH I COULD DO COSTUMES OR SOMETHING.. i have some pikced out. bundles of clothes laying on the floor of the closet#but GODS even before the heat wave it's just been so warm.. I know.. it's the summer. of course it's warm#but WHYYYyy............. what if it just snowed all year around and was awesome and beautiful and i was so cold and could wear 25 blankets#at all times.. what about THAT hmm?? .. the ideal..#anyway.. my favorite is the pomegranate and the mushroom maybe#The fig is hard because in the pictures of figs I googled a lot of them have that sort of white powdery type of thing on the outside#that grapes and plums and stuff have sometimes and it's hard to convey that weird like.. sheen.. plus the purple with almost powdery blue#and little lighter specks plus streaks of light green and a little orangey on some of them.#It's okay in person I think but this doesnt show up as much in pictures. The cheese also looks betterin person than images. you can't tell#the slight shine in the pictures lol. but the pomegranates look cool and also photograph decent.. hmm#I should have made toast with an egg on it or something. that would be a nice addition#OH ALSO ASPARAGUS MY BELOVED.. though they look a little wonky. the cuticle pusher tool that I sculpt with in leiu of any actual sculpting#tools has a kind of triangle edge that was suite for the little leaf details of the asparagus so that was cool. its like..ALMOST right lol
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HEAR ME OUT, one sided love?? Imagine s/o doesn’t like lighter back, being oblivious about lighters feeling and only see lighter as a friend meanwhile lighter is so MADLY in love with them and is aware of s/o not liking him back but he can’t help it because you’re the only one that makes him feel this way even if his feelings aren’t reciprocated… they’re so doomed think about the potential angst!! 🫤
lighter isn’t perfect. his body is littered in scars of his past, his actions are solutions to mistakes he had made before. to say that he deserved something as rewarding as love didn’t sound right to him, but oh, would it feel right if it was from you.
it was definitely not an immediate fall, rather it was slower like starting a fire. you bring the materials you require, some wood and a starter. it’s difficult to get a fire going, even he knows that with his lighter in hand. his hand gets warmer the longer the flame is out but it doesn’t compare to the accidental grazes of your hand against his gloved ones.
he had poked you once with the spikes on his gloves. the look on your face when you brought your hand up to rub it while you apologized for it. why were you apologizing? every soft “sorry” that came out of your mouth was like sprinkling water onto the fire. best to get fresh firewood so that it doesn’t go out.
ensuring that the fire is a consistent flame is also important to prevent accidents. accidents like playfully taking off his sunglasses and putting it on yourself while imitating him. somehow, that didn’t cause the fire to go out, in fact, it made it burn even brighter than before. the redness on his face when he watched you was comparable to the orange and red hues of a fire.
he stayed close to the fire, close to you. feeling the warmth of love on his skin, finding it calming but also terrifying. it doesn’t rain often in the outer ring but that doesn’t stop him from worrying that it would all of a sudden. so he lies awake at night, thinking about all of the possibilities, the what ifs and its outcomes.
he thought he had considered everything. from keeping the fire from going out, to ensuring it was a stable flame, to tending it slowly and carefully. what he didn’t consider was getting too close to the fire, burning through what he thought was tough skin.
he was too focused on trying to maintain a certain personality, not quite showing his interest in you. so when caesar was talking to you about her love stories while everyone was hanging around the bar, his heart rate increased. just like how consuming alcohol affects one’s mental and physical state, so does it affect a fire. maybe someone poured his drink into the flames as he watched it burn even brighter than before, making him eavesdrop on your conversation.
but a large flame meant a higher possibility of getting burnt, and soon he saw the burn marks on his skin. as you continued to talk with caesar, the longer he let the fire burn him. how you had said that real love wasn’t like the stories, how you seemed disinterested in romance, how you had believed that no one was interested in you. at that moment, he ended up getting more drinks from burnice, hoping it would soothe the roaring flames within him. he drank so much and fell asleep to the soft crackling of the fire, your voice acting as background noise.
he woke up to the coldness of the bar counter pressing on his cheek. the fire had been put out by you when you tapped on his shoulder. the memories of last night flooding into his mind like water. maybe it was all some nightmare and you did like him back, but the sudden coolness of your touch made him realize the reality of it all.
you didn’t like him, and not because he did anything wrong but because he didn’t do anything in your eyes. you were feeding the fire in his heart and he mistook that fire for your heart too. he sat up straight, took one look at you and shook his head. you still cared for him, came with water and woke him up gently. he never intended to get so severely injured because of his own growing feelings for you.
his own feelings, you didn’t even know he had any for you. the pile of ashes, you both stared at it and yet only he knew that fire existed. the flames had misled him, danced around his heart that craved for you, that only asked for you as its fuel. now all he can do was sit next to what was once a big fire, feeling the cold on his skin despite the layers. no warmth left, no light left, no love left.
#lumiresponds ˚✧₊⁎☆#lighter zzz#zzz lighter#lighter lorenz#lighter zenless zone zero#lighter x you#lighter x gn reader#lighter x reader#lighter angst#sorry to everyone for how long this took#i took so many mental breaks in between#cuz paired with the lack of lighter content#and waiting for his banner#i truly couldn’t sit down and write this without bawling my eyes out or wanting to tear my hair out or banging my head on the table#i dont know if this is good enough tbh#thats another reason i took so many breaks was cuz i felt dissatisfied a lot#anyways enough yapping i’m rather proud of this piece so thank you to anon for sending this in !!#i hope everyone else also enjoys reading it just as much or idk feel a little sad ?#live laugh love lighter though <33
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I quit the job
The argument was long, circular, and bad
But at last it is done
#I feel so much better and lighter#but also very jittery with anger and adrenaline and no food and too much coffee and not enough sleep#a couple of people have already reached out about jobs so that’ll be fine#but I’m gonna take the weekend to just chill
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Both love and hate the absolute DELUGE of ink a fresh sharpie unleashes onto the paper the instant it makes contact…. I have complicated feelings towards the deluge lmao
#pepper words#it might not even only be fresh sharpies idk. I don’t remember… it might always be a deluge#until it starts to die#I use to ONLY use sharpies to draw traditionally for like the longest time. but then I got fancy pens and shit.#that dont piss out all there ink instantly#it’s kinda fun tho.. like it forces you to draw faster. and press lighter. and just. be looser w ur lines#and even when ur being loose it’s STILL making thick as hell lines. but. that’s also kinda interesting..?#idk. it’s kinda fun using them again sometimes. I feel like it’s kinda freeing. u just have to accept what the sharpie puts out#u can only control it so much. u have to let go of that urge for perfection and take what u get#I feel like currently I really struggle w. liking my sketches more than my lines. and trying to replicate all my sketchwork#into my linework… but lines are not sketches!!! so it leads to linework I don’t like either cuz it’s all scratchy and weird#i feel like. 1 I need to learn. to let some pictures just be sketches. like if I like the look of my sketch and wanna keep that loose#conceptual sorta look. to just. not line it. not try to replicate a sketch in lines#and 2! to embrace smoothness in my linework more… to accept my lines. not looking exactly like my sketch#and to not go over every single sketch stroke in ink to try and achieve that.. cuz it doesn’t work!!!!!#and.. uhhh. yeah! I think using sharpies might actually help out w that. cuz u literally. u CANNOT go over them a 100 times.#or trace over every sketch mark. the spread of the ink does not allow it! and if u keep trying it’ll just become a mess#forces me to accept my lines as they are… lines….#ok anyway… sorry for the impromptu sharpie / art dissatisfaction discussion ghghg#sharpies r cool and interesting to work w!!! force me to do things differently i think I like em#but also because I’m so stuck in my ways w lining my sketches they also frustrate me initially ghgh- but who cares if I’m frustrated!#the lines down! it’s done! u just gotta move onto the next one! and boom. whadaya kno#all of a sudden u got some finished linework that isn’t exactly what u put down for the sketch. but it’s smooth and clean and shit!#thats cool lol
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