#but i also feel like it’s gonna be a big year for my personal growth

[wildermouse]

i have this strong feeling that everything around me is gonna fall apart and implode and wither this year but i personally thrive in chaos so i think it’ll be good for me

[gingerslemonade]

All I'm saying is that, if this truly be God's will, I have absolutely won

[transzilla]

How To Suck Roid Clit and Tdick Like A 6Gal Bauer ShopVac

So I'm a trans man and I fucking love trans men and they love fucking me. I minored in t4t gay sex in college and giving head has always came very naturally to me as a specialty, administering orgasms has never been an issue but a lot of people have difficulty figuring tdick out after going on testosterone or figuring themselves out and don't know how to get dudes to pop off which is tragic to me. Plus we don't really have like... sex ed about how to do that so it's not like you can pick up a book. But that's what you have me for. If you suck at giving head I'm gonna teach you how to suck the rest of someone's life away.

So everyone is different, growth might look different on different people and sometimes you'll have somebody who has difficulty popping off just cause of weird nerve endings, obviously listen to what your partner tells you and what works for them because they're going to know better. I've been around with a lot of different men and this is just what's worked for me, if you try it and its TERRIBLE then don't think you're broken or whatever, our willies are just as diverse as we are :)

Generally though tdick kind of resembles a tiny penis especially when you've been on T for a long time. Personally I've been on T for five years and have a 2 inch monster and you can kind of see where the head would be vs the foreskin or whatever. Like my favorite analogy is that it looks like a .45 caliber bullet because that's what my dick looks like when I'm looking down, lol.

Like the cap on the bullet would be the "head" and the cartridge casing is the length of the thing. Like on a guy's dick idk if anybody is getting tdick circumcized so when he's soft the skin will come up and guard the head/clit part because it's sensitive, you're going to want to find the head and kind of gently push past the skin with your tongue or your finger. Like get it on the head because largely that's the most sensitive part of his dick. when it gets bigger it kind of gets less sensitive, and you can't just rub the whole thing like on a clit off testosterone, uniform pressure might not always work. So keep your finger on the pulse, lol.

The simplest motion tht you can do, like a good part to lick on is right where the head meets the rest of his dick. There's almost a seam, kind of like on that bullet. Just rub in little circles with your tongue. Start gentle, gauge his reaction, and then go a little harder or a little faster. Also stay in one place once you get into a groove, the more you rub on one spot the more sensitive and the better it will feel.

On the very APEX tip of his dick is where most of the nerves are bundled it's going to be the most sensitive, so if you want to make him jump or if he's not very sensitive rub there, lol.

Also, once you get that down, you can suck too! You want to make a seal with your lips around his dick, almost like you're pulling on a cigarette, or like you're sucking your lips on a peach to keep the juices from falling out. This intensifies it if his dick is not sensitive and keeps it in one place if he has a big dick.

If he likes penetration fingering him at the same time is not a bad idea either.

Also, mind the teeth, lol.

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

These are a couple doodles from yesterday, Gideon as a younger teen, before the growth spurt, maybe 14? He's discovered he's a vampire, and has a lot of recovery to do, since he's severely blood deficient.

I'm gonna let myself explode about my vampire gideon ideas, under construction, under the cut: (I don't write fanfiction, I just throw up my ideas on a tumblr post, apparently :'D)

This is what I love about tumblr - it's a place where I can throw the doodles (something that isn't finished *artwork*), and let myself be really delusional about fictional characters. So I'm gonna take a moment to ramble about the ideas I have for Gideon as a vampire.

If you're a fellow Gideon Head, HI THERE... anyway, here's my thought process on a potential vampire-gideon backstory???

I've always liked the idea of gideon being a vampire, and also becoming a much better person when he's older. And that got me thinking, maybe those two things are linked. Maybe the vampire thing is somehow tied into his reformation.

But I tend to lean towards building my ideas off canon (as opposed to making an AU). And if gideon was a vampire, and knew this during the events of the show, it would have come to light at some point. So, either he doesn't know he's a vampire, or he becomes one later. Becoming one later works narratively, but he's already so vampiric, with the white hair, pale skin, sunscreen, evil, etc. So I'm like, let's go with that.

So, gideon has gone his whole life without knowing he's a vampire, and without drinking blood. I'm thinking that being a vampire in this case (my gravity falls fan version of what a vampire would be) wouldn't adhere to typical vampire conventions. You don't NEED to drink blood to survive.

Here's the idea I got yesterday: after the events of weirdmageddon, gideons experience motivated him to become a better person. It was the awakening, basically. But in the subsequent years, he's still a little shit. Maybe he's in juvenile detention, or prison again. But now, he has the self awareness to know that what he's doing is wrong. This is where my ideas get a little fuzzy, so bear with me. Bud has his suspicions, and as a last resort, puts gideon on some sort of mission trip type of cross country trip, when he's in his teens. And along the way, maybe at the end, there's this secret group of vampires that open gideons eyes to what he really is.

Basically??? Without blood, gideon is very evil. He's an evil little shit. This may not be how it is for every vampire. Maybe some grow very sickly without blood, just get hungry, etc. The effects of blood deficiency vary from vampire to vampire. But Gideon becomes very unhinged. And he'd essentially been Blood Hangry for his whole life. That being said, some of it was just his personality that he needed to work through, but drinking some blood helped a LOT. Blood isn't food for him, it's more like his medication.

Once he has that discovery, he spends a long while, I'm thinking maybe even a year, just recovering from the deficiency. He's almost always drinking blood to keep up his levels, and he's very rarely seen in public to keep the vampire thing a secret. That's what these drawings were supposed to be, him in his pseudo bedridden state. This period in his life would be one big blur; mostly spent binge watching soap operas and being all cozy. In contrast to his usual suit + tie, he's dressing for max comfort: sweatpants, sweatshirt, a knit hat over his ridiculously big hair, and always wrapped in a blanket. Not sure if somehow he feels cold when drinking blood?? But for some reason, I feel like he'd always be wearing like 10 layers and laying under a heated blanket or something.

Eventually, he'd only need to drink blood about once a month for maintenance.

Character development wise - even as an adult, Gideon isn't sure if he's truly a good person. Is the blood deficient version of himself the true gideon? Or is this well adjusted man who he truly is? And there's an issue of the chicken and the egg, too. Gideon was born a vampire. Did these genes activate because he was predisposed to being evil? Or did the vampire thing happen by coincidence? Does being a vampire make him evil, or is it the other way around? He doesn't know, and he never will.

The one thing I'm not sure I like about this idea: i'm worried that I'd be writing off his villainous personality as an illness that can be cured with a thing. Obviously, it would be better if he faced that head on, and figured out how to be better. So I'm still grappling with that. But for now, this is an idea I'm entertaining. Of course, I think it would be interesting if there was a plot point where his usual source of ethically sourced human blood was compromised for a time, and he had to grapple with his personality going topsy turvy.

It's actually embarrassing how much I just wrote???? If you've made it this far, wow, I applaud you. I guess this was just my idea of having a good sunday night, writing down my silly thoughts on gideon gosh darn gleeful. Let me know your thoughts too!!!! I'd love to know if you have any ideas, or questions, or ways to strengthen this potential backstory.

[accio-victuuri]

all the cpn for wyb’s 27th birthday part one 🎂✨

look, i’m not really sure how many parts this is gonna be but we have to start somewhere. and that is what is available for us so far. i’m sure later in the day we may have a full on photoset and more edits, plus hopefully a video, and i’m really hoping a yelfie.

this is all clowning, something we have been doing for years. obvs, this is for cpn lovin turtles only!

today is a day to celebrate yibo’s life and all the good he brings to this world. feel free to scroll along if cpns is not for you. but if this is your cup of tea then go ahead and read along. ☕️

should we start with the letter? ✉️

of course we do. another heartwarming message for yibo’s day. written by someone who is obviously close to him.

Time seems to pass faster and faster. Before you can turn the pages of the past year, you have ushered in the 27th summer of your life.

the summer! HAHAHAHA! you all know that’s a keyword we love to look for. and before all these, it was a common guess that some things from xzs vlogs will be echoed here. well, the first post from that time had the caption talking about turning pages when it comes to days passing by.

This year, I know you a little better. Just like the ripples caused by a stone falling into the water, you can always bring some fresh surprises to people. You mark the shining moments in the music, and look back at your sincerity and passion in the role, witnessing your resilience and concentration.

Although there is always a time difference between people, fortunately, the morning and evening and day and night you have recorded will eventually be passed to the eyes of the next person, giving waves and excitement.

I love how the writer says they know WYB a little bit better. Years have passed and there is still something new to discover when it comes to Bobo. the imagery of the stone falling into the water which causes ripples is something we have been seeing in xzs vlog too. but i’m personally thinking of the live photo of the water.

i love how he mentions sincerity, which is a big thing between them and how they approach their work and audience. also the part about “resilience” cause i think this is something that is not highlighted that much about yibo. he has been through so much and he does so with grit and incredible resilience.

my cpn alarm bells are ringing tho with the time difference between people. i mean. 👀 well the non-cpn meaning is that it’s the difference between him shooting things and his works being seen by people. so it will take time before all his hard work will be appreciated.

the CPN tho is the difference in time between xz and wyb because of how busy they are with work. but whatever happens, they will update each other which will create that excitement.

This year, you know the world a little more. Although the itinerary is as complicated and busy as ever, you have long adapted to the way of coexisting with time and moving towards the state of mind.

The world is unpredictable, and you can calmly accept every sudden rainstorm, just like appreciating every nameless flower blooming along the way, accept imperfection, allow regrets, the mountains are high and the seas are vast, and please move forward boldly.

the first part is the same as the previous year, where the writer praises him for knowing the secret of taking it slow. for being calm despite the chaos. I feel like this is one thing that xz have always admired in yibo and hopes to be able to apply to himself too.

just appreciating every nameless flower blooming gets me because of how many times we saw flowers in xzs. that is one that always catches his eye so it’s an addition that makes it sus.

i’m also a believer that xz sees wyb as a flower, his white peony. doesn’t matter if wyb agrees with that but that’s how xz thinks of him and i find it romantic!

The experiences and meanings of growth, the wet mud, the wind carrying grit, the sunrise and sunset outside the window will all tell you: whether standing still swinging a club or preparing to strike a racket, when the ball comes, just hit it, and life is still the same.

I love this part! how the writer compares tennis to how he should approach life. just strike whatever ball comes at you in life! this tennis couple is really something else!

and the sunrise and sunset outside the window is so xz, he likes to take photos of those and share it on his weibo.

Today is great, yesterday was also good, and tomorrow will definitely be better. The journey of the heart is endless, I wish you continue to travel between mountains and rivers, and may you grow freely!

Getting better and better! that’s both of their tagline at this point. and the mountains & rivers is one that we seen in XZS post too! the exact mountains and rivers were in the finale post of the vlog which we said is a gift of sorts to wyb.

this is short and sweet! i love love love it! 💛

i’m thankful that yibo allows us to read this letter every year.

and now we move on to the art works (?)

first stop is the bday poster where he is decked out in lacoste , with that pink beanie and pink letters in the back. i swear, he has been embracing pink as his color! cause that is the color of love 💗

1. the font is similar to what was used before in xz’s bday.

2. i love how the second photo shared in XHS had that pink spray paint effect going on, that’s so yibo’s style! the artist really knows what yibo likes.

3. the theme seems to be blue and pink, tho the XHS one appears to be a different shade of green(?). but… the lights in p1, that’s definitely blue and pink with some violet on it. which kinda reminds me of the bisexual pride flag colors.

4. the “paint” background looks like a z and that (.) after aug is so xiao zhan! that’s kinda like his signature. it he can’t put that z. then we will see the clues in other places.

5. Love how this photo was chosen by YBO! and all the colors in the letters 🌈 considering the cpn we had about this and PRIDE. also the scribbles of stars and moon! come on!

that is all for now. i know there will be more interpretations and signs but this is are the ones i gathered. if there is one that really stands out, i will post about it separately. feel free to share your other cpns but i will not be able to add it to the original post!

HAPPY YIBO’S DAY 💚💚💚💚

i wish that whatever is going on your life and around you right now, you will still get to enjoy this very special day and smile. 😊

[blackholesun321]

Shanks Doesn’t Have A Dream! And I Can Prove It!

Ok, y’all, can I talk my shit again? Because I have thoughts and feels about our good old one-armed favorite disaster of a party pirate, Akagami (Red-Haired) Shanks. I’m going to be completely honest: I may have had this rant before, but I can’t find it, and no one else has this take. I need to talk about my vision of him that I’m like 60/40 percent sure is correct canon-wise and would explain so many of his—let’s call them quirks.

I think one of Oda’s beliefs and the teachings that One Piece has so blatantly told us about, such as personal freedom, charting your own destiny, and making your own adventure along the way, are a reflection of Shanks’ character as someone who never got that chance and never would. That, to me, makes him one of the saddest characters in One Piece.

Let me cook here. I’m not going to cite anything because I don’t want to, and I do that enough already in college, so we’re running on trust me: I’ve read the manga and watched a lot of theory videos. So lock in because this is gonna be long.

Anyways, back to my thesis. Shanks is a character of contradictions. He was the youngest person to ever become a Yonko (but then Luffy came in), probably one of the strongest men of his generation. He regularly fought the world’s strongest swordsman for fun. He has a crew whose members each have over a million bounties on their own and are so physically or politically strong that they can stop a war in its tracks just by waltzing in and saying "stop." Not only that, he stopped Kaido in his tracks and made him turn around. His father was the Pirate King and claimed him as his successor; he could even be tied to the Celestial Dragons. He’s charismatic, and when things need to get done, he gets down to business.

On the other hand, he’s also a goofy guy who regularly gets blackout drunk, has a horrible sense of pant style, parties his life away, and thinks bullying kids is the height of comedy. He cares about his kid to the point that he forgets to be a responsible Yonko but also wants to fight him for the One Piece. He seems so blasé about everything but is obviously, in the background, making connections and being all sneaky about something; he has plans but also didn’t decide to go after the One Piece until after his prime. He’s been stagnant but moving and shaking around the world, all for some big ideal, some big plan, something huge.

It is my stance, idea, theory, if you will, that all this makes sense if you look at it from the viewpoint that nothing—not the planning, not stealing the fruit, not the power growth, or making his way to Yonko status, not building his crew, even the hurry-up-and-wait—he’s been doing all these years, his whole life? Is because he’s hasn’t made a single decision for himself since Gol D. Roger died.

Outrageous! You cry! Shanks, a man who supposedly spouts on about being free and charting your own course and being a pirate? Is none of those things? Impossible, you will say. I will ask you how you got into my house and to please leave. But aside from the pirate bit, yes, and I can prove this. Calm my chili-baby’s and listen.

Yes, Shanks had his life taken from his adventure, his destiny set and marked right before the Loguetown execution. It is my belief that all this can be laid at the feet of—drumroll, please—Gol D. Roger himself!

Gasp! Crying! Fainting in the audience! I know, what a twist. Let me explain. In a flashback, we see Roger talking about Ace. It was Roger’s belief that Ace (his child) would be the savior of the world, the new Joy Boy, destined to destroy the World Government with what they learned from the Poneglyphs and Laugh Tale. He believed their generation was too early and that the next would usher in the new world. Ace would be his true successor. A little narcissistic, but a man like Roger probably couldn’t help but be. Not just that but it probably felt prophetic he found Laugh Tale of course that had to mean something?He was also dying as it was and put things in place for Ace to survive. He told Garp where he was so Garp could take him away with Rouge—a safety net, that sure was useful. Once she ya know, died.

With the understanding that the next generation would usher in the new age, Roger took aside a thirteen-year-old Shanks and revealed everything. He told him about the birth of the new Joy Boy, everything about Laugh Tale, and how he believed his son would usher in this age. I believe he gave Shanks this purpose: to pass on the straw hat to his son and help him become a man strong enough to fight the World Government. I think little traumatized Shanks, who is about to lose his father and has had the weight of the world put on his shoulders, takes it to heart and buries everything he is to fulfill his captain's last wish. And that’s horrible. I’ll get into the psychological implications later, but holy shit, Roger, what the fuck? He’s thirteen! And about to watch you die!

But yeah, doesn’t this make sense? Why the hell when Buggy wanted to go after the One Piece, did Shanks hold back and say they should wait, losing his brother because he has a secret his captain entrusted him with. Why the hell did they know about the Gum Gum Fruit and were searching for it? Why did Shanks spend so long on a little island like Fousha in the East Blue? Not only was he looking for the fruit, but he was also looking for Ace! (And maybe Rouge.)

Why has he been making all these connections but doing jack shit with them? Why did he become a Yonko but claim no territory for fucking years on end and do nothing really with his status? Why does he rely on such a small crew of such powerful individuals? Why does he party his life away, seem almost aimless, and not start to go after the One Piece until Luffy reaches Gear 5?

Because he’s the one to pass on the legacy; he’s the placeholder, a cog in the proverbial machine that is fate. He made sure Joy Boy would exist. And now that the dominoes have been placed and are falling fast, he’s going to challenge Luffy and make sure he’s strong enough to fight for it—strong enough to take on the World Government, the Celestial Dragons, and Imu—and then hand him a big red button to help do it afterward. That button will be all the sneaky shit he’s been doing in the background.

He’s been the bridge between his captain and this new age. Sure, it was too early, but his influence rippled out through the people he trusted and touched in his life. The same way Rayleigh trained Luffy, knowing what he was preparing him for in the next part of his journey, waiting years for him to arrive at Sabaody.

And all that needed to happen was the dreams, adventures, and sacrifices of a young boy. It’s almost poetic—a son for a son (or sun, in this case). My therapist says I make light of dark shit so I don’t have to emotionally feel the pain.

And now we get into the sad portion of today’s episode. Prepare the tissues because this is why I think Shanks is one of the saddest characters in One Piece.

Because think about it: Shanks’s life was charted for him; his adventure and future were stolen, decided with the reveal of Laugh Tale and all the secrets around it—everything, all so the next generation could one day rise up and bring a new dawn. Shanks never got to have a dream because it was stolen from him. He’s a walking, talking empty automaton, fulfilling his captain's dying promise made by a grieving thirteen-year-old.

He is dreamless, and for a man who is, in some sense, the freest in the world—can go anywhere, can do anything, is powerful enough to stop wars—he’s still trapped, chained to a future he can only wait for.

I don’t think he knows who he is outside of this. I don’t think he thinks he’ll live beyond it. (Which like I will fucking cry because this is gonna be kinda true.) I don’t even want to call it an ambition. Duty, maybe. Damned promise, more likely. And it’s ruined every relationship outside of it he’s ever had. Aside from one—

(Don’t even get me started on him and Mihawk and miscommunication, failed expectations, and Mihawk being the epitome of everything Shanks isn’t. With his dream chasing to the ends of the world, ending up unfulfilled and alone. Finding companionship and what he thought were similar drives in each other, but once Shanks lost his arm and his hat, he realized Shanks was never fighting for something he wanted. And it broke him a little; it broke their relationship—one of the only relationships Shanks chose for himself, with nothing to do with his mission.

And Buggy—he gave up his brother, was forced to leave him alone, and couldn’t say anything, couldn’t tell him the truth, couldn’t destroy his dream. And he couldn’t even be selfish enough to make him stay. Like, oh my God, the drama.)

Doomed yaoi aside, the only thing and person I think that messed up his perfectly made plans is Luffy.

Sweet baby Luffy wasn’t so sweet before the Red Force arrived. In the manga, it is mentioned that he was an angry, bitter child, lashing out almost like Ace to a degree. But Shanks, by just being kind, by being good, and by reaching out and teasing this little ball of anger, transforms him, saves him in a way. He gives him a drive, a dream, and a morality to live by. He gives him everything he never got—everything stripped from him. Shanks turns him into the type of person a special kind of Devil Fruit might call out to and get eaten by.

Nika chose Luffy because Shanks saved him by just being good and kind, giving this kid something beyond his anger and bitterness. Shanks gave Luffy the idea of freedom, and in return, he allowed Shanks’s perfectly clear mission to shatter. I think this Shanks makes the first real decision in his life: he goes, "Fuck, well, we’re backing this horse now," and Luffy becomes his child—not his captain's, but his future to bet on and help grow.

And I fucking love that. Luffy saves him just as he saved Luffy, in a way. And that’s his kid, his successor, more than it ever was for Roger. I will die on this hill. (If you want, you can even look at it as Shanks finally choosing a dream all his own and it’s Luffy.)

Will Oda see it this way? Probably not. He has a habit of brushing off stuff like this; I think he’ll make Shanks’s character into a noble man dedicated to stopping the World Government and not even think about the implications of tying all that to him at such a young age. But I do think Shanks expects to die when Luffy comes to fight; I think he wants to, just how Mihawk wants to die from Zoro’s blades. Because what is there beyond this? (And again, parallels!)

And I believe he will live! (Not Mihawk—he's gonna die.) Shanks will live, and symbolically, Luffy will free him from this self-imposed duty, this promise made by a child. Shanks will have made, even unwittingly, the thing that would free him, allowing him to move forward in a world where all the purposes he needs to find are his own.

And holy shit, that’s a lot for him, but then Blackbeard will happen, and he’ll die only having known freedom for a short while. Luffy will cry and create a new dawn, and it won’t be for nothing—except it will be for everything to Shanks.

In conclusion, Shanks doesn’t have a dream of his own. He never had a dream; if he did, it was squashed out of him in order to fulfill a promise set by his father, Gol D. Roger.

He loses his brother, loses his control over his destiny, and as his father sets such things into motion, Ace, Roger’s child, will become the new Joy Boy.

He makes a connection with someone outside of that mission and purpose, and in doing so, creates the opportunity for his own freedom and his own choice in Luffy.

Later down the line, Nika/Luffy will eventually free him in the same way he created his own freedom back then, giving him a new choice going forward. They will free him from the mission that was placed on his shoulders as a thirteen-year-old child, and afterwards, he will consequently be killed by Blackbeard, and everything will be horrible, and we will all cry. The end.

I hope everyone enjoyed this thesis on Shanks. Feel free to use it and steal it to your hearts content. I would love to write more if anyone has any questions or things they want to ask; I will be opening up my ask box for questions. I would love to go into more detail on his relationship with Luffy, his rivalry with Blackbeard, and how that ties into all of this, as well as his relationship with Mihawk (fuck man the parallels!!) or maybe Buggy. (Which I have less on it’s just really tragic.)

[honeytonedhottie]

trusting and betting on urself⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🫧

keep promises that u make to urself : just like how if u know someone who continuously makes promises to do something, yet they never act upon it, you won't trust that person or believe them if they promise u something else. this is also the same with urself. ur new years resolutions? ur goals that you've had for a while but never ever did? all those promises that you've made to yourself and the ones that you haven't followed up on will lessen trust with urself. do what u say you'll do. "stand on business" and if u know that u won't be able to deliver or do what u say you would, dont say it. dont tell urself promises that u won't be able to keep. once u start keeping ur own promises, you'll start to build trust within urself.

hold yourself accountable : just a quick disclaimer but when i say holding urself accountable i do NOT mean punishing urself!! when u find urself falling into old and fruitless patterns you need to hold urself accountable and make sure that u straighten up. the thing about our relationship with self is that a relationship needs BOUNDARIES. you need to set boundaries with urself. what will u or what will u not do? ur non-negotiables?

and when u find urself crossing boundaries within yourself take the BIGGEST step back. the key to forming a healthy relationship with urself is to balance being strict and gentle with urself. strict in the sense that ur the only one that can get u to where u wanna be, and gentle in the sense that ur best won't look the same every single day and u should also listen to urself and what u want, without having to compromise on ur boundaries. kind of finding that middle line is important, bcuz when we're too lenient with ourselves, we get too comfortable and that leads me into my next point...

where growth begins : u cannot expect to grow if ur too comfortable and honestly, this is why most people stay stagnant. its bcuz being comfortable FEELS GOOD. but growth will almost never happen when ur comfortable, on the contrary growth can only happen outside of ur comfort zone. if u want better things for urself, ur simply gonna have to DO BETTER.

the importance of ur self concept : even if ur not familiar with or u dont practice conscious manifesting/law of assumption, i think that working on ur self concept can still be such a fruitful thing to do. i say this because self concept is the way that u view urself in relation to ur desires/goals. its seeing urself as worthy and powerful, and truly grasping ur potential to do great things. a way to start with ur self concept is with affirmations! start telling urself about urself in a positive connotation. you're unstoppable <3

putting it into practice : start small, challenge urself a little bit every day. do one hard thing a day, doing so will build ur confidence bcuz u won't be so daunted by ur big goals when you've already done so many hard things. when u see something challenging instead of thinking "oh i can't do this" you'll have confidence in urself and what u are capable of. oftentimes when we have goals, we kick ourselves out of rooms before we've even tried to get in them bcuz we think "im not good enough" or "im not worthy" which isnt true at ALL. dont shoot urself in the foot. thats self sabotage. and thats not hot.

motivating urself : if u remind urself of your "why" then you'll have reason to stay consistent and truly try. i recommend asking urself the tougher questions, like "what do i want out of my life?" or "am i truly happy and if not what can i do to get there?" once you've decided what u want out of life make a VISION BOARD and actively pursue your dreams. u can't actively pursue something if u dont know what it is. so i advise u to remind urself whenever u feel that u need it of your "why", your driving cause. having that motivation, and actively pursuing and keeping the promises that u make to urself -> will then build ur confidence in yourself to the point where your betting on urself bcuz u know that no matter what cards you are dealt, you'll prosper.

so just to wrap things up, an overview ; start keeping ur promises -> be strict -> get comfy being uncomfy -> say ur self concept affirmations -> apply -> remind

[avissapiens]

Himbull Summer 2024

(Long post ahead but worth the read)

I was intending to do something like this again this year but a previous ask really started the gears turning into motion. I really consider last year’s Jockbull summer experiment to be one of the most impactful changes I've made in a lot of ways. I’m still feeling some of the impacts and changes in my life on a permanent basis. I’ve got new friends I made through the process, new appreciation of style and whole new skillsets that I wouldn't have developed otherwise. Which is why I'm super excited to do this again but with a few adjustments to refine the concept and hopefully reap even deeper rewards for my own growth. I will be running this from Nov 15th 2024 - Feb 15th 2025.

I’ll explain some of the adjustments very briefly before I explain the plan and how you all will be able to interact with it.

We’ve cut down from 15 tasks over 3 plans to just 8 over 2. 

This year by popular demand the archetype’s I’ll work on growing and encapsulating will be Himbo and Bull. This was voted on by the lovely paid Patreon supporters. With the final votes looking like this

I will only be doing 1 plan with a partner this year. That partner is Abgsado as we did last year and you all can keep track of his progress on discord in his own dedicated channel.

The plans

As I noted above this year rather than 3 plans of 5 tasks we only have 2 plans of 4.  15 tasks was way too much as evidenced by the fact that I would regularly only get a fraction done.

PLAN A

This is the more Bull-centric side of the Himbull summer, focused not just on taking the most of this current bulking period, but also on expanding and centering my mind to possibilities for growth. This is the plan Abg and I developed together using a structure of 1 personal task, 1 task granted by the other, 1 task we compete at, and 1 task where we took some inspiration from the discord community.

Task 1 is my personal task and will involve a stronger supplementation regime with the goal of increasing anabolism, libido, strength and focus over the coming months. What that entails on a practical basis is cycling 2 new supplements into my routine every month. Recording notable changes or improvements from baseline. And keeping consistent dosing schedules.

Task 2  was granted by Abg and focuses on playing around with atypical perspectives and archetypes for growth and change outside of my usual 5/6. I intend to do that by creating some more improvisational mini trances exploring some new growth/corruption-adjacent ideals. These will also be on a biweekly schedule and depending on how I feel released at different levels of exclusivity.

Task 3 is the competitive task for both Abg and I. We both want to expand our fitness socials on sites like Instagram and shift ourselves more into the muscle lifestyle sphere of influence.

Task 4 is the task synthesized from suggestions from discord. We’re gonna fuse the Himbo and Bull gym loops together and dedicate ourselves to listening to it on 2 training days per week. Let ourselves really get mindfucked by the muscle chaos.

PLAN B

 This is the more himbo coded plan. No specific structure however for this set 1 is a personal task and 3 were given by some of my top-tier himbo advisors. So big thanks to them, including @thejockout. Task 1 is the personal task. Similar to last year’s task regarding disposing of certain clothes, this year is going to be about purchasing things that I think are gonna draw more attention my way. I’m gonna aim for a new Himbo Aesthetic component every 2 weeks. And I’m going to force myself to wear each component at least twice in public, not just at the gym.

Task 2 is about making semi-permanent changes to my look in some form or fashion, beyond just clothes. These are gonna be fairly big so i think i might do them on a Monthly or maybe tri-weekly basis so i get 3-4 Big changes out of the process. Bit scared for this one.

Task 3 is gonna be interesting. It’s about putting myself forward to be used as a muscular physical being more often. Lifting, pushing, carrying. Doing the physical aspects of work. Very golden retriever farm boy himbo. “I can get that for you, ma’am. Not a problem”. Part of this summer I’ll be doing an internship at a lab. So in addition to being an academic weapon I’ve also gotta make sure this muscle is both functional and for show.

Task 4 focuses on being a bit more of a slut when I'm in public or around my friends. Putting a bit more sauce on my normal speaking voice, being a tiny bit more touchy feely with people who I know it's safe and kosher to do so with, flirting a bit more liberally.

Engagement

Like last year, I want you all to watch me and interact with this journey. But we’re changing it up a little this year. You’ll be able to get 4 different sources for this journey, all of varying intensity and completeness.

The standard base will be a monthly update released on tumblr synthesizing the whole month of activity with some notable events and reflections on them. These will be free and also probably either cross-posted or linked on Patreon. The next level will be more granular fortnightly updates available to all paid patrons, these will include some sticking points, things I’m struggling with. And I might even ask for suggestions for how to tackle tasks I have problems with. I will also like last year be doing fortnightly voice diaries which will likely be similar to the two above but maybe with some extra impromptu thoughts thrown in, again at the paid patreon tier.

And finally, in twitter’s dying gasp(not even gonna link it but you know how to find me) and a begrudging attempt to strike while the iron is hot on bluesky, I’ll also be doing a lot more frequent if less thought through crossposts on those two sites.

If you by any chance want to help me in any of these tasks and have a personal hand in molding me as I’ve molded you then I can provide two options for support. 1st, as always, consider subscribing to my Patreon at any paid tier, but the $5 level is imo the best value for money. 2nd, I have opened up a Throne account(wishtender 2.0) with specific wishlist items geared toward different HBS tasks(namely A1, A 3, and B1). It’d be really hot for everyone to have some of those get ticked off during the summer. And folks who help out in this way will get a shout out in the relevant update.

I really hope this is an amazingly fun experience for you all and an absolutely transformative one for me. At the end of this I’ll be going into my final Bachelor’s year in this country. I want to be the hottest, buffest, and best I've ever been for these super low stakes classes. Let's make it happen folks!

  (Models for this Himbull Summer are Kieran Yawson and Trkennet)

[genderkoolaid]

advice on how to get over the fear that t is going to make me ugly? or that i’m going to miss “the old me”

i’m a queer trans guy and i’ve been questioning going on t for years now and i know i definitely want bottom growth, body fat redistribution and more body hair.

but im err on the side of face and voice changes. i’m scared of disliking my new voice and suddenly growing dysphoric over it (i dont have too much voice dysphoria now) and disliking how my new face will look. i’m kinda genderfluid as well so it’s complicated. but i don’t want to go my whole life without knowing what it’s like to be on hrt. but i can’t get over the fear of looking/finding myself ugly and undesirable and losing my community... which is ironic cuz i find other trans men attractive as hell. i discussed this in therapy and i still feel this way :/

i wish there was a way for me to start without telling anyone and then breaking the news when i’m experiencing changes and feeling more confident about it. i have my gender dysphoria diagnosis and i can start if i want to, but i need my family’s financial support. i don’t want to make it a big deal since it’s just something i’d be trying out to feel more like myself in certain ways.

sorry this turned into a long ass rant and you don’t have to reply but i’m just gonna kindly leave it in the ask box 💀

There's a post that goes like "all of life is irreversible. i cannot go back a single second" and I think thats something good to keep in mind when you are thinking through this. You are already living with a body that has changed and will continue to change in ways largely out of your control. You are already living in a post-irreversible-alteration body.

If you do go on T and find you don't like how your voice sounds: for one, you can stop at any time (& if you haven't checked out microdosing as an option, you should). But two: plenty of people live with a deeper voice than they want. Plenty of people live with facial hair they dislike. You can pursue the same therapies and procedures they do. Or maybe you don't, and you find ways to live with a voice or face you aren't totally in love with.

So much detransition fearmongering, especially directed at transmascs & assoc. trans people, heavily relies on the specter of the fallen woman, itself steeped in trans-misogyny & intersexism. The idea that, for one, a "woman" who has mixed-sex features is ugly and undesirable, and two, that a "woman" made undesirable is forever doomed to be miserable and worthless. The transphobic story of detransition keeps our bodies stuck in this moment of revulsion and regret, narratively preventing us as characters from being able to move on and live happy lives in atypical bodies. Even if you do regret/dislike some things about T, you are not forever stuck in that feeling. The story does not stop at that! You will just keep living and find new ways of dealing with your bodily feelings!

The social aspect of this is a bit more complicated but I also have some firsthand experience with it. Because, as mentioned before, there's a lot of transphobic misogyny/misogynistic transphobia that affects transmascs & others who go on T, who have to confront the feeling of losing your potential desirability. And then there's also the way many people are treated after going on T, facing a whole new area of bodily scrutiny: you may suddenly have people making comments about how someone needs to force teenage boys to shave because their facial hair is a personal offense. I went from being self-conscious about how high my voice was to being self-conscious about how undeniably trans my voice was. And, specifically, my facial hair, voice changes, etc. were all signs of my transmasculine desire, and I became self-conscious about how obvious it was that I desired being trans, I desired this body. I could no longer let everyone pretend I was a cishet girl at family gatherings and avoid confronting these issues, because I had essentially written I WANT TO BE A TRANNY all over my physical form.

This is something I'm still struggling with myself. I, like many other queer & autistic people, already struggled with feeling desirable or worthy of being seen alongside conventionally attractive cishet people who could act normal. Being visibly trans, and taking a huge step away from the desirable cis-perisex-girl body, can really open up that can of worms. Especially being genderfluid/genderqueer! Because we often cannot find a comfortable space for ourselves within the conventions of attractiveness for cis men, like some binary trans men are able to.

But ultimately, I don't regret going on T at all. I would have had body issues regardless, and I got a lot out of going on T. I think mentally preparing yourself to struggle with these things, and seeking out other transmasc people, is a big help. Again: all of life is irreversible. we cannot go back a single second. We are already living in imperfect bodies we struggle to love or see as worthy. If you know you want some of the things T can offer, and you don't want to go your whole life without knowing, then just do it. Dive in, and don't feel any shame if you decide to get out. Just keep living and finding ways to live better right now.

[milevenstancyendgame]

In Defense Of Mike

Sometimes antis inspire you to write meta - I don't know why, but today I feel like going through these Mike accusations that someone left on my Eleven post, lol:

No one talks shit about my boy Mike on my post.😎

-"And not to make this about shipping because El is her own person and should be discussed outside of ships, BUT" - goes on long ass shipping discourse.

You nailed it right there, buddy.😂

-"Mike babies her throughout their relationship":

I think it's so funny that those who are on the fence shouting about El needing to break up with Mike, to be independent, are doing exactly what they accuse Mike of doing (gaslight much?). You're willfully ignoring her love for Mike, which is canonical, projecting your own dislike of him onto her, like you know what's best for her. You're babying her.

So when does he baby her? I can't think of any time, but since you also said that he's protective and "El wants to be trusted and supported", I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you're talking about SOME scenes between El and Mike in s3.

I think it's funny that antis wave Mike's protectiveness over El in s3 as though it was some big red flag.

Like, ya'll act as though he wanted to lock her up in the cabin. Oh wait, that was Hopper in s2, actually. I don't see you hating on Hopper though, even though he's an adult.

Mike is worried and traumatised from losing El several times before. Yes, he doesn't know how to deal with this, but like you keep saying, El is her own person and should be respected as such.

So what does El do? She shows that she doesn't like it, and in an intimate moment away from the over-the-top comedy of s3, she tells him "I need you to trust me".

And how does Mike react? Did you actually watch that? Because it doesn't sound like it. He ACCEPTS what she says IMMEDIATELY, even gives Max an acknowledging glance, and backs off, letting her do her thing.

Like this right there. That's growth.

And that's him doing exactly what you say El needs - that's trusting, supportive, and letting her decide for herself. Which, by the way, he has been doing the whole time and continues to do.

He apologies to her and shows that he has been self-reflecting, and is overly hard on himself. He's aware that he was jealous and that he doesn't know how to deal with his strong love for El.

That's healthy and wholesome, and also huge for a 14-year old emotionally neglected boy, who has no blueprint for a healthy romantic relationship.

But no, you don't want to see this. Nor anything else, apparently. Just literally this ONE DAY on which he was overwhelmed and worrying about El. And you interpret that as "babies her throughout their relationship". That is…wild.

-"Mike puts El on a pedestal" & "Mike never compliments El's personality" :

Wow, this feels like the most unjust accusation of all. You interpret him thinking and telling her she's a superhero as putting her on a pedestal?

First of all, how can you do that, when you just said that he babies her throughout.😆 It almost seems like your various views about him are incompatible...maybe because they're not founded on reality...👀

He's the one who constantly reminds everyone else that El is not a machine, that she has limits, that she has human needs...seriously, have you watched the show? S1? When everyone saw her as a problem or a weirdo or a traitor or a monster or a criminal or a science experiment....and he was the one who treated her for what she was - a scared, friendless child in danger. An equal. A friend.

How come you're not hating on Dustin and Lucas? Maybe you're able to see how they changed? Or Max, because she's in awe of El in s2 and in s3 is 100%ly confident that she will be able to defeat the monster on her own? Maybe you're able to see that she had a normal reaction to finding out about someone's super powers and that she simply was mistaken? Or Steve, because he refers to her as "this girl with superpowers that we usually rely on"? Maybe you're able to see that this didn't reflect any dehumanising on his part?

Oh, but Mike is different of course.🙄

Mike never treats El as anything else but his equal. If he actually put her on a pedestal, he'd constantly be like: "Oh, but I'm sure El can fix it!" for every problem they have, and he'd be disappointed and shocked to witness her humanity - her flaws, her needs, her imperfections.

Well, he doesn't. On the contrary, he tries to provide for her every need, reminding others of them, is worried about her overexerting herself (which you hated on a moment ago, but now strangely seem to have forgotten), and never pushes her to fight for them. He's also always the one who wants to provide a back-up for her, to not let her fight alone or do everything for them (like in the caves in s2, or in s3 when they try to overturn the car in the mall).

Okay, and my personal favourite: "He also does this with Dustin and Will" So I'm guessing you're referring to Mike telling Dustin in s1 that his cleidocranial dysplasia is like a superpower, after being bullied; and in s2, when he tells Will he's like a super-spy now. And of course telling El that she's a superhero.

And you think this is bad????????

😳

Sorry, I just....HOW? He's literally reassuring Dustin that he not only accepts him as he is, but that his difference is cool, he compares him to the coolest people they know and admire, the super heroes from comics. He's trying to cheer him up after he got humiliated for being different. I mean...I guess if he had given him a hug, you would have found a way to interpret that as bad.😬

And the same with Will - he sees that his friend is barely keeping it together, he's rightly panicking, because he's possessed by an interdimensional monster, but Mike finds a way to distract him, invite his mind to see things in a different way that actually EMPOWERS him, reassuring him that they won't let the monster spy back, and again, this is bad, because?

Or do you mean it's only bad when he does it with El?😂 Because it's the same thing. He's trying to reassure her that she's not a monster, that he loves her.

And once again - when she shows in s4 that she doesn't like something he's doing (not saying "I love you"), he accepts that, he feels bad, and tries to give her exactly what she asked for at the next opportunity!

Apparently you didn't see that either.

And "he never compliments her personality". How many hoops do you want him to jump through?🤣

Mike shows that he loves and respects El all the time, he doesn't need to say "You have an awesome personality." for El to feel that. And she never expressed any need for that. Does Hopper compliment Joyce's personality to her face? Did Joyce do that for Hopper? Did Nancy do that for Steve or Jonathan or vice versa? Did Max say that to Lucas? I guess Lucas is the only one who really loves his partner, because he did that once.🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Oh, and of course, the whole monologue at the end of s4 doesn't count, because. "I love you on your good days, I love you on your bad days, I love you without your powers, I love you with your powers...I love you exactly for who you are."

That's somehow not valid, hm?

Mike can't win in your eyes, because you don't want him to. This is called scapegoating, btw.

Lastly, it's strange that you have a reference to him in your username, when you clearly think he's so horrible and accuse him of all this...together with a reference to Will...hmm...how mysterious....🙄🙄🙄 Almost like you had double standards for a certain agenda.🤔

*Drops mic*

[marengogo]

Are You Sure?! - #3: Jungkook Is My Chef - Jin, 2020

Neva Play - by Megan Thee Stallion feat. RM 

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

Hello sassy Gurls, Bois and Enbys, how y’all do~ing?

Told ya I was gonna use this gif a lot, this is basically me, for real - for real! Hope you are enjoying Neva Play by Megan Thee Stallion feat. RM, and I also hope you get to feel relaxed at some point in your day/week/life, which by the way, I have been feeling for the past 5 days and let me tell you relaxing was a very old feeling I hadn’t felt in such a long-ass time that I am frankly shocked and I am loving it. You know, that feeling where I can finally feel myself completely, talk to those I want to talk when I want to, and go about my day with absolutely no hurry:

Revolutionary! Staycations are where it’s at. If you haven’t tried it, I highly advise it.

Anyways.

Staying at home and only leaving the house for more relaxing activities got me thinking about a lot of things, one of these things being JK & Domesticity. As we all know or not my Twin-flame is not big on travelling, to be precise, he hates walking. He is the type of guy who would rather stay at home and cook you a very exquisite meal accompanied with the perfect drink he is a proper Earth sign he is a Staycation Connoisseur; what did you think he had all those mattresses for?! Duh. Another thing he’s not big on is doing things he doesn’t want to, and/or doesn’t like, add that to travelling and you have the perfect How to Turn-Off JK Package 😬.

But people the members at some point figured out a way to get around this particular aversions of his, being was bribery 😌, which would usually go “If you come with me to X, you’ll get to do Y”. Now, that was for 17 years old JK, who was extremely bad with the aforementioned, but let me tell you about 27 year old JK, you still might have to bribe him to a certain extent, but the acceptance rate is much easier; the growth is 👌🏾. However, you know who actually even doesn’t have to bribe a 27 year old JK? Literally, this person just has to ask? If anything JK has been the one trying to bribe this person for a good year 😬… Yeah! You guessed it, this guy 👇🏾

I don’t want to call my Twin-Flame a simp, cause he can definitely stand on business, but sometimes bro 🙄… 😩… anyways I’ll let him off for today. I’ll let him off because in all honesty, I am very impressed, and somewhat touched, by the level of attention he’s been bestowing JM during each episode, but real talk, he's been at it for years now, particularly when it comes to food, which is one of JK’s biggest loves so big it could compete with JM and also just so happens to be something that JM seems to be … somewhat selective about. 

The first time I clued in on this was during this live:

During this live, JM just so casually informed JK that the champagne they were being served was the only champagne he could drink, and you could literally see JK’s eyes and brain making notes. Not sure why JK had to know that bit of information, but sure, okay 🙄… this was November 2021. Fast forward to October 2022, almost a whole year later, during this live: 

Our Party-Party-Yeah Unit gets together and JK prepares champagne for everyone, except JM, at which Tae tries to make JM drink, which he refuses, and Hobi tries to understand why he is not drinking it, at which JM explains:

JK kept silent the whole while drinking and eating as one does when food is your passion, cause he knew better, in fact, he knew so much better that going back to 2021, during JM’s birthday live in October, even before the “Champagne Live”, he casually gifted JM a bottle of joy and 3 bottles of water of course, because even though JM asked for 1, you never know when you might need more water, you know?! 🤡 (Also, I’ll have you know that, personally, I am team JK Prepared That BD Cake, but as always, to each their own beliefs). 

So let’s keep fast-forwarding. We are now in 2023 and from America to Korea to Japan, Airplane pat.2 style, this is JK:

So my question here is: Does this look like the type of knowledge that a person who rarely sees someone would be in possession of? Imagine getting to seldomly meet someone and all you do is ask them about their dietary requirements, just so you can meet them again briefly and … recite said requirements to them? Not when they have the same inside jokes, the same taste, and, out of all the members, they seem to be very invested in couple-matching clothing like heavily?

Doesn’t it make more sense for this to perhaps be the result of continuous exposure to a certain behaviour/situation? JM often eats spicy things, hence he likes spicy things. JM likes this particular combination of flavours, so I think he will like this kimbap, also this sukiyaki and that ramen, etc etc etc. I’ve cooked so many things with pink sausage for JM, I was way shocked when he said it was ham! … All I am saying is that if JK didn’t budge when Tae couldn’t tell the difference between ham and pink sausage, but was hella shocked when JM couldn’t, he must have his reasons to assume that JM ought to have known. 

Y’all think I’m reaching about JK being very knowledgeable about JM’s nutrition facts? Understandable … but my husband 💅🏾 if you are new to my blog, Jin is my husband 🤡 seems to have thought the same thing as me shocker all the way back in 2020 as shown by this Festa profile that he filled while “pretending” to be JM:

This profile lives rent free in my head, and to this day, I’d like to ask my husband what was the reason? He was able to come up with very abstract, and profound, associations for all the members, except JK, his was very concrete and oddly specific; don’t you think? Cause you know what? If you think about it a little harder, you can be cuties, next-chair-soul-mates, god-like, aegyo-buddies, and best friends at a distance. But a chef? You gotta be physically present to cook and feed someone... and I’ll leave that at that. Very specific I tell you. Very specific.

This was literally all I think he truly wanted: a staycation with JM. 

All JK wanted was to “have a drink with JM”, most likely because he thought he couldn’t ask for more during their busy schedules. BTW, how mad is it to tell your mate that you are going to a whole other country to have a drink with someone? Though he does strike me to be the type of guy who gets you in for one drink and makes you stay for eggs, jussayin’ …

This was supposed to be just one trip. Once again, JK had tried all year to get some alone time with JM, so if one trip was all he got, to make the memories he might have felt he needed to get by in case they didn’t get to enlist together which they didn’t know during they would have during the NY trip: THEN SO BE IT. After all he had settled for a drink, one trip? Now that's luxury!

YET…  

NY - JM was kijul most of the time so, out-of-the-blue-cheese, caretaker was added as a job description. BUT not to fret … they got to go on another trip. Hell yeah!

JEJU - Last minute change: They ended up becoming hosts, which hey, they were great hosts! The guest had fun and the hosts were delighted. Win-win.

SAPPORO - … I wouldn’t be surprised if JK stopped by a trusted shaman before the trip, in order to learn preventive measures 🤡 not all shamans are evil y’all …. 

Winter. Snow. Reminiscing: Perfection 👌🏾. 

I think he would have been ready to Taekwondoo anyone who dared to come between Him and his JM Time. TBH I would have been ready to fight as well, I am his Twin-Flame after all and all I really ever want is for him to have what he wants. ALWAYS. I honestly truly want him to be happy, as much as possible, which, on this Sapporo trip, he seems to be a lot, by the looks of it particularly when all he wants is a drink in good company.

To conclude, the way I am looking forward, but also not, to episode 7 and 8 y’all can’t even begin to understand 🤡. JK’s excitement, romantic spirit, and clinginess levels are off the roof bro, so I’m a bit, on my toes he a simp he a simp he a simp. One thing I will also have to say tho, which I am fairly glad about, is that both JM & JK have finally learned how to be ready for the presence of a camera; kudos to you bros! 🤡

Always respectfully yours 🫰🏾💜,

Marengo.

[aluminumneedles]

The Great Knitted Christmas Gifts Bonanza of 2024

(Working title)

Besties and beloved mutuals, welcome to the chaos.

This will be wacky. Zany. Incredibly boring at times and possibly excessively dramatic for no reason at all except my (and hopefully your) amusement. We will laugh! I will cry! We will perhaps commiserate over things and also I will aggravate my carpal tunnel! I will ask for advice on things I don't know how to do! I will make polls because audience participation is enrichment for me! Good shit good shit let's get started

At the time of writing it is September 18, 2024, also known as 98 days before Christmas Eve, which will heretofore be known as The Deadline™️. I have, at present, four family members for whom I am making gifts. Now you may be thinking "Kay, that's only four people. That does not warrant a big post." But I'm making one anyway so here we goooo

PERSON #1

Mom. I already decided on my mom's gift, she's getting a shawl. It's my first shawl and I'm kinda geeked about it. It's the Cosmos Textured Knit Wrap from Mama in a Stitch

(photo taken from Mama in a Stitch's website I hope that's ok??)

Yarn is Red Heart worsted weight acrylic in Royal. Now here's the situation: I haven't made a wearable with acrylic yarn in awhile and I wasn't a huge fan of how it felt last time. But I know people do it literally every day, so: when the time comes I will be soliciting advice on how to make it soft and comfy. Plus I hate blocking and I'm gonna have to block this so yay growth!!

PERSON #2

My sister. Adorable, likes a pastel, super long hair, so I was thinking...scrunchies? And then I was thinking scrunchies are not necessarily on the level of gift I was aiming for so I thought...scrunchies + matching leg warmers (babydoll goes to the gym sometimes so i thought it would be cute)? And then. AND THEN. Was scrolling Pinterest instead of sleeping and I found these!!!

Now there are pros and cons

Pros:

I have been wanting to knit lace

I have been wanting to knit socks

Cons:

I have no experience knitting lace or socks

Oh well f*ck it we ball! Will still try to match the scrunchies to the socks. Send thoughts/prayers/advice/yarn recs, because idk what I am doingggg

PERSON #3

My brother. So, at the first of the year I started knitting a blanket kind of just because--I really liked the pattern and I wanted the feeling of starting something new in the new year. In April I decided it would be a gift for my boyfriend at the time, in May it became too hot to knit with wool, and in July the relationship ended. My brother has expressed interest in a blanket from the same pattern and has offered to take this one off my hands. I'm about 3/4 of the way done. Should be an easy gift, right? Maybe I'll throw in a matching pillow?

However, I once promised to make him this sweater:

(image snagged from the MomentsinTwine Etsy shop)

I bought the pattern, I bought the yarn, and I never delivered. (I started it and frogged it twice because my gauge was so so off.)

So uhhh PLEASE do the poll I need help deciding. Yarn would probably be a golden yellow wool blend, because that is the color he wanted 3 years ago and if I ask for an updated color choice he'll know what I'm working on 😭

PERSON #4

My dad.

Y'all.

I have no idea what to do for this man. He is a very classic "I don't want anything" person, and I am a classic "Must. Give. Gift." person. So already, times are tough!! What am I supposed to knit this man???

So I was thinking slippers-- I found a pattern for Woodland Loafers on Ravelry (pattern by Claire Slade) and I thought they were adorable. But then I was thinking why not make a whole, like, cozy care package? So I thought slippers, mug rug + mug cozy, maybe something else? He likes music, he likes to relax and watch his lil shows, he likes M*rvel?? Open to so many suggestions babes.

So...yeah. That's the show. I'll update as I go along, and if you're ever curious about how things are going or want to bully me about not making progress, please nudge me!! Sorry this was so long okay bye

[goldenpinof]

yooo i totally get where youre coming from wrt feeling like the only person who gives a shit enough to critique these kinds of little things about dnp. it definitely shows that they don't really care for the details, which personally i don't mind w things like the websites (maybe that's just bc i don't have an eye for graphic design!) but when it comes to details that imo make a significantly lesser experience as a viewer and fan, it really can feel really unprofessional on their end.

it's interesting because, on one hand, that's a little bit their charm, sorta scrappy OG youtubers who haven't really changed their formula much but continue to create CoNtEnT because they have an established community who enjoys what they do. but then on the other hand, they often allow that attitude to seep into things like operating their business, overlooking details in editing, weirdness with just about all of the managements theyve been under, the general tone-deafness of cheerfully announcing there will be more us and uk shows and completely brushing over the call for them to at least MENTION the rest of the world that isn't europe or the us.... also i think so often about how garbage their bday livestreams were in terms of production, that would be so unacceptable from literally anyone other than dnp, but because it's them they get away with it lmao. (and yes ultimately those streams were for a good cause and they succeeded in the fundraising, but that can't be an excuse for low quality.)

their unprofessionalism is like a double-edged sword in a way, like i genuinely find them difficult to recommend to other people, not necessarily because i think my friends wouldn't like their sense of humor, but because there ARE creators out there who have similar origins and have done similar things and have improved quality production alongside their growth. and again, i do not necessarily mind scrappiness, but it feels like it's at odds with the amount of money they make and the type of productions they are trying to do with things like the tour. and that's the other thing, they are FULLY CAPABLE of having consistently good production quality to all of their shit, not just the big tours. they just choose not to, and whether or not that's for the sake of image or being control freaks or they really do not care, it ends up making a worse experience for their audience imo.

(but like. im also of the mindset that dan should have done stand-up shows in dingy bars for $10 instead of wad so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

"control freaks"

for the last 2 years i question this statement almost every day. because if they were control freaks, none of this bullshit with promo materials existed.

and it's not about design itself. it's about typos and just wrong names of the venues. my main question is: WHY is it so hard to make things right? because realistically, it's not hard at all.

especially when people are telling you and asking you to fix it. like, how fucking stubborn you should be to brush it off. your work is your public image. and i'm sorry, but it looks like shit. it's so unprofessional, it's painful to look at. and i'm not even talking about videos. i'm talking specifically about danandphiltour.com and promo materials. editing of their videos is a different problem.

production-wise: this time, i have to say that i don't really care. but i get what you mean. there are youtubers who invested in this. dnp didn't. because they don't care, because it works how it is right now.

in conclusion: our loyalty is at fault. if we cared about work details a little bit more and were more serious, maybe, just maybe, we could level up all these things. but it seems like no one cases, and i'm tired of fighting this battle for years. i'm gonna take the L eventually. but the tour got on the way, unfortunately.

[msp9]

WHATS HAPPENING IN CASA DE CHAOS #part 1: YAZ/Yasmina (mostly her ptsd, analyzing screenshots)

⚠️SPOILERS⚠️

This is gonna be my series of me yapping about each character, for example what have they been up to, hopes, speculations, theories... etc. (from the info we have from the clips and ep 1)

So Yaz, or should i call her doctor Yaz? Get it? Bc she's a phycology student.... Career: Never mind so as i said apparently, Yaz is studying psychology in college, for what i assume like around 3 years depending when she started. This is such a big step for her character's growth. After everything she's been through, including her mental health struggles and internal conflicts, she's switched gears and is now pursuing a degree in psychology to help others who may have experienced similar traumas. Also in the clip, she seems excited to show Sammy her new project, which suggests that she's genuinely enjoying her studies and feels passionate about the field. She went from a she's-a-runner-she's-a-track-star to a mature phycology student. Overall, this shows that Yaz is now dedicated to making a positive impact on others through her education and future career. I'm so happy for her. It makes sm sense for her character to pursue this specific career. Overall, looks like shes been fine on the island. (not) .

Ptsd: So Yaz seems to have moved to a non-dinosaur island of some kind. Personally i assume that is for her trauma and struggles when the dinosaurs got to the main land. (and obviously safety) She is obviously the most effected one from jwcc.

Now in trailer 3 we can see 1 moment that could possibly be connected to her Ptsd:

Here we see Yaz on the ground, she obviously looks scared but i wanted to point out the lights hitting her. They dont really look that "connected" to the scene? Im not sure how to axplain this... Just the way it shines on her clothes and hair and the fact that we cant see the backround clearly, looks like it could be some kind of illusion, or one of her dreams. To stand with my point is the exact next scene:

We see, a what I'm 99% sure is a dinosaur, attacking her. The coloring and environment is similar so we can assume this is from the same scene. It ofc cuts off before we can see anything else, to me it looks as if the camera shows Yas's point of view. Which makes me believe this is in fact a nightmares of hers. Another point i want to make is just how much darker this whole dream is. Just look at it!!! Its super darker compared to the season 4 ones. Plus in another clip they showed blood. So i wouldn't question if the nightmare were a lot worse then they used to. And the way the Dino attacks its dark yk? you don't even have time to react.

Basically where i want to get to is that, she is not done with ptsd yall.

3) Yaz and Sammy :Okay even if the clips don't showcase much. They have definitely not lost contact as Yasmina states "this is the project I've been talking to you abt". So obviously she has been talking abt it a lot. When it comes to why Sammy was acting out of character when Yaz was showing her project . My personal theory is that Sammy is just trying to make Yaz come with them and leave the island. and from what i speculate here we will probably get a yasammy argument. Overall they are probably together and from what we've seen we might get some tension between them. I'm all in for that. (As long as they don't breakup)

Thank you for reading my big Yaz rant, am i going to make more of these with the other characters? We'll see. Probably yes.

[seamsterspell]

I’m breaking my silence!

Yes, yes, I ship Ryuunosuke and Susato ψ(｀∇´)ψ

I have A LOT OF THINGS that I want to say about them, so here goes my rambling (contains spoiler):

(Some of the screenshots are mine and some are taken from Youtube, precisely from LongplaysHD and psyllart)

To be perfectly honest, I was already intrigued by ryuususa ever since the first DGS game was announced but I never really said it out loud since I hadn’t played the game yet (and I was scared of the fandom…)

I tried to keep an open mind when I finally played the game this year but GODDAMN IT, I knew I was sold to the ship the moment Susato appeared with the curare report!

Ryuunosuke legit turned into a poet with the way he described Susato. She clearly left a big impression on him; she was the light! But not just any light, a lightning! Fierce, mighty, and strong, just like her.

As one can expect, by the end of Adventure, I was so INVESTED with their relationship!

By that point, they had only known each other for like 5 months at best, and yet it was already hard for them to be parted away from each other. Susato could not even say goodbye to him.

You can tell how close their bond had grown in those five months. No wonder they really didn’t want to leave each other behind.

This goodbye (albeit temporary) was obviously hard for them. I was sad when Susato’s eyes grew misty, but when the screen blurred, I was immediately hit with a realisation: Ryuunosuke was holding his tears as well!

Even when they finally said their proper farewell, he asked her to return quickly because he already knew that the path he wanted to take would not be complete without her by his side.

He was not exaggerating I think when he said that, because when we get to dgs 2 case 3, he kept thinking about her, wishing that she was there. He even ~hallucinated~ her person (I do understand him, I would be miserable as hell if Susato left me).

Susato herself was no exception. During her trial as Ryutaro, she was thinking about him several times. She wished he was there and she spoke as if he could hear her—as if asking for his reassurance. Even her mannerism during the trial was so similar to him. A clear sign for her unwavering respect and deep admiration for his growth as a lawyer.

When they finally reunited, they were obviously ecstatic to see each other again! Susato was so happy in fact that she pulled Susato Takedown on him xD

Also, it’s hilarious that Ryuunosuke wished that they could rather do a more traditional display of emotion. Although, joke aside, it was indeed what he did later. He earnestly said that her presence gave her strength to win as well as how happy he was to see her back in London.

Interestingly, he stuttered a little when he said the latter. Can you believe it? Naruhodo “a speech competition champion” Ryuunosuke stammered his words in front of Susato? :3

(granted he did stutter several times throughout the chronicles, but iirc most of those involving the cases he was working on, not for a personal moment like this when he expressed his feeling. CMIIW though)

Then, by the end of Resolve, I’m 100% on board with the ship! I am convinced that they are gonna end up together in the future (WELL, at least that’s how it goes in my headcanon).

I mean, can you blame me? Like we have Ryuunosuke being like: “Man, I want her to come with me but I can’t ask her that… It would be selfish of me” whilst Susato is like: “I know this is selfish but is it possible for me to follow you?”

BITCH!!! LIKE THAT IS SO SWEET?!?! THEY SILENTLY WANTED TO BE WITH EACH OTHER BUT AT THE SAME TIME THEY DIDN’T WANT TO BURDEN EACH OTHER WITH THEIR SELFISH REQUEST?!?! 😭😭😭

Also, this exchange?! This legit sounds like a marriage proposal?!? The way Ryuunosuke slightly fumbled with his words, clearly taken aback by her words; and the fact Susato replies with, “I’m terribly incompetent but if you’ll have me, I’d be delighted.”

Another detail that I like is how Ryuunosuke and Susato were entrusted to look after each other by the person who was important to each of them. Yujin asked Ryuunosuke to look after Susato for him whilst Kazuma asked Susato to look after Ryuunosuke for him :)

Also, don’t forget that Kazume described both of them as similar! They are both stickler for etiquette…

I understand if this ship is not everyone’s cup of tea (considering the age gap and Susato’s age). But, at the end of the day, this is just fiction. Ryuunosuke and Susato are not real people. So, for me, I like to focus more on how I enjoy the way their characters and dynamic are presented in the story.

It’s kinda sad that they are not popular when their bond is SO precious. They trust each other so deeply, especially in court. Even outside of the court, you can tell that they enjoy each other’s presence immensely. From their banters to the jokes that they shared, it is apparent that their relationship is equal and healthy.

I just think it’s a waste that we didn’t get to talk more about their relationship (either platonically or romantically), especially since it was SO WELL WRITTEN! DGS would not be the same without these two.

Anyway, that’s all I suppose. I didn’t expect it to be quite long HAHA. This was written late at night and not peer-reviewed, so forgive me if you find any error :3

[theultimatekamehamehavoc]

Random Togami Headcanon 15

The birthday special! Basically, he hates birthdays. He finds them dumb and useless and can't comprehend why anyone would wanna have a birthday party in general or even with friends. Tch! Friends are beneath him anyway! He "unfortunately" has a bunch of classmates who wanna give him a birthday party though. Or at least some cake of some sorts. Not like the heir had traditional style birthday parties anyway. I personally see the type of birthdays he had as a kid before Hopes Peak in a few ways. 1. After becoming the heir, Byakuya's birthdays were like milestones of his growth as a heir instead of a typical birthday celebration. Basically, it was more contractual such as: "Now since you're 15, you now are tasked to do X now" or "Since you're now 16, it's time you do Y". And like, maybe he got a cupcake or something if his father was feeling generous that year. 2. He just didn't have birthday celebrations at all despite his father and family having the ample finances to give him one. Not that Byakuya had friends back then either. 3. Maybe his butler, Aloysius Pennyworth. stopped by and did something small and special for the heir in his youth. Maybe a gift like a new book or perhaps a baked treat or just his presence being more that day than in others. Like some quiet company of some sorts. Not quite sure what the butler would have had in mind to be honest, but hey! It's something! But, anyway, now since the heir's in Hopes Peak, he's now subjected to witnessing birthdays. Commoner birthdays. The ones he finds dumb. And, for about Junior year, he dodges the whole celebratory stuff since he refused to share his birthday to them all with a mix of the class not being close enough to agree to do something nice for him. After all, some of his classmates would be more begrudgingly agreeing to the terms than others. The heir's not exactly well liked anyway. However, the dodging is short-lived after he makes it to Senior year. Now, a good chunk of the classmates who would be the type decide to do something special now know of his birthday. And also the ones who would feel like helping out since they know he's gonna be annoyed and they just love seeing him just a WEE bit miserable from how he still treats them all despite being a little less mean now. Thus, baking montage! They all then pick who's gonna deliver the cake for him or like, who brings him along to the dining hall where the cake is. More of the later if anything since sending someone like Makoto to deliver a cake is just a guaranteed disaster. Then, boom. They offer him a damn cake and he's just like this.

And, his class basically baked it all as a unit and everything. Teamwork's the dream work! Yet, Byakuya still acts like he hates it though cus of course he still acts that way despite the good effort made by his peers. However, who are we kidding. Byakuya's lowkey a bit flattered by the way and secretly likes the free food he's gotten! He's also a bit surprised that they took the time to make it a coffee cake infused with his favorite, civet coffee. AND, wowie! The cake isn't half bad and he's not even that big of a cake person! Also, in regards to the actual celebration, it was oddly quaint. They all decided not to make any large, garish decorations or to put up balloons either. Byakuya hates balloons anyway. Also, not all of them stayed though they all showed up and wished him a good one. No birthday song as well though some of them might have suggested it to get on his nerves. Byakuya just gives MAJOR "I despise the happy birthday song with every fiber of my being" energy. However, no follow-through on singing the song at all despite the temptation since they're all are gonna be the bigger people here! No silly shenanigans. No tomfoolery. Just some of them for a brief moment in time, the heir, and a coffee cake. None of them had the cake either minus the prototypes that were made beforehand that were totally not excuses to have cake for themselves. And besides, the cake's too small to share anyway! Byakuya's a big boy anyway. He can handle it!