#but hopefully next week I can get to some colors and painting stuff
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WIP and some process from today's drawing stream on twitch!
#sketch#wip#artist on tumblr#storyboard artist#illustrator#self portrait#leopard gecko#tcg artist#the disney lorcana style is coming I'm just planning a lot a head in this piece first lol#but hopefully next week I can get to some colors and painting stuff#I might adjust the lineart and the pose a bit more before then off camera
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Before I Leave You (Pt. 53)
(Sneak Peek)(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)
Summary: A snippet of the future- a flash forward- in which you and jimin reach an...agreement.
Tags: pleasure dom Jimin, pillow princess m/c, oral (f. receiving), fingering, knotting, talks of gender and sex, Talks of killing people, talking ill of the dead, assassin! jimin, implied autistic! jimin, Flash Forwards, intentionally vague moments
W/c: 7.770
A/n: please be patient with me regarding the rut chapter ie the chapter after this one! i’m visiting my brother next week in LA so!!! things will take some time. hopefully this little jimin nugget will tide you over. although this isn’t the most unique sex chapter i do really like it. in the meantime! recommend me some stuff to do in la! i’m hoping it’s going to be a restful trip but ngl...it’s not looking great.... i don’t like planning things that other people are going to potentially not enjoy 😠 i’m meant to be a passenger princess threw and threw
Previous Chapter - Masterlist
Chapter 53: I’d do Worse (Sneak Peak)
Jimin promptly takes one of the tubes of paint, a light blue- the same light blue that you ended up painting the upstairs bathroom, and squishes it out onto the canvas below you. Near your hand but not on it.
The breath you were holding rushes out in a single jagged laugh, “Okay, now I’m lost- I thought the whole point of the plastic and drop cloths was not to get paint on them.”
The look he shoots you asks you to suspend your disbelief. Especially once he starts doing that to all the other colors. He continues to drop careful splotches of paint around you. Enough that it would take a lot of concentration to get out of the room without tracking dark blue or pink or yellow or red halfway across the house.
You wonder what exactly Jimin plans to do to you. Paint included. He puts out a spurt of yellow paint on your side and then another.
Surely sooner rather than later, noodle is going to wander in here in search of a pool of sunlight, track his paws or tail through the paint, and leave pawprints everywhere throughout the house. Yoongi will probably complain about them, but you might make him keep them instead of washing them away.
When he’s finished, Jimin turns a yellow tube over in his hands. Back and forth, the cap flashing like a rising and setting small yellow sun. jimin’s voice is low when he speaks, near reverent. “You’re the first woman I was ever with- that I ever knew I was with.”
It’s an admission and an admonishment, one that you and the rest of your pack have been tiptoeing around. Even though Tae’s a woman now- she hadn’t always been- at least not in a way the pack could compensate for. While new lines in the sand are drawn that doesn’t mean the old lines totally fade away. It will take a few more cycles of low and high tide to completely grow used to this.
Jimin fiddles with a small red tube of paint. “I’m a rigid person, I know I am. i don’t like change most of the time and I know, I know things shouldn’t be so planned, I know that’s not the way things usually go but-” You nuzzle close to Jimin, and his words extinguish into a sigh, his hands coming up to your sides, the same place he always likes to hold, between your shoulder blade and your ribcage.
“But you need them to be this way sometimes. Planned? so you can make sure everything’s done right” You press.
He bristles, “If you’re expecting me not to say that I want everything to be perfect when I can make it that way then-”
“You’re such a control freak Minnie.” you say it with a smile, playing your fingers through some of the milky pink white, feeling the tackiness between your fingers.
“You don’t hate it?”
You shrug. “Jin’s that way too sometimes. So no, I guess I don’t hate it. Maybe it’s just because I like- really fucking hate making decisions.”
He grimaces, but Jimin’s eyes dart from your face down to your crossed legs. settling on something. “Do you care if those clothes get dirty?”
“A little- I like these shorts.”
“then you should take them off.” your heart thuds as jimin leans over you, tugging on the strap of your Tanktop with his teeth, lips pressed to the bare skin of your shoulder, dragging them down. He plays at being sexy but decides not to be, settling for leaning his cheek on your shoulder and watching you.
“I had kind of this stupid idea, if you don’t want to do it just say so. This is every shade of pink that we ever painted the house. Tae’s favorite color is pink- and the canvas- i thought it might be nice to have like- some art in her library room- that’s what I meant about making it planned.”
“Are you saying you want to make sex art or something?” Jimin blushes yet again. You should be keeping track of how many times he has and use them for leverage.
“You know gift giving is like, my second love language if that bullshit is to be believed and-”
“-Oh my god you actually do want to make sex art.”
Coming Saturday May 6th at 5pm EST (Time Zone Adjustments Below)
#min yoongi fic#kim namjoon fic#kim seokjin fic#kim taehyung fic#park jimin fic#jeon jungkook fic#jjk#pjm#myg#knj#kth#ksj#jhs#jung hoseok fic#bts omegaverse au#bts a/b/o#bts x reader#bts poly au#bts gang au#bts mafia au#bts polyamory au#bts au#bts fluff#bts hurt/comfort#bts werewolf au#bts angst bts omegaverse fic#bts hybrid fic#min yoongi x reader#kim namjoon x reader#kim seokjin x reader
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I've been busy painting lately and haven't had the time to write much about the stuff I've watched or answer the asks that have appeared in my inbox. So I thought I would gather some of it in one post. Let's go!
Why am I Watching QLs at 30+?
Let's get the shit out of the way first because I have better things to do than to focus on ridiculous shit (unless it's a show that entertains the fuck out of me by being ridiculous). But, since this is an opportunity for me to (hopefully) broaden the perspective of this particular Anon, I will take it now that I have some spare time.
To give some context: This ask dropped into my inbox during the Olympics (when I was busy having fun watching gymnasts be superhuman and swimmers in their 30s winning gold medals rather than answering asks), where an Anon asked me why I, a grown-ass 30+-year-old person, participated in the BL space and said it was embarrassing, blah blah blah.
Short answer: I didn't know people stopped being queer at 30...
Longer answer: I've intuitively known I'm queer since I was a teenager. It's just that I had to focus on surviving my teens and twenties (mostly due to grief that kept piling on) rather than exploring who I was.
I didn't find the opportunity, time, and space to go inward until the pandemic when my depression released some of its hold on me (I know that sounds weird given the global situation at the time, but that was my personal experience during 2020-2022). Then, when I found the Asian QL world about 14 months ago, I started to understand myself even more. I've learned more about myself in 14 months than the two decades before that.
The core of what I'm saying here is that not everyone realizes they're queer in their teens. And no matter what age someone is, we all deserve to see stories we can relate to. The QLs I've seen have given me so much, even the bad ones (and especially the very bad ones, lmao). I'm sure there are others out there with the same experience.
BLs/GLs/QLs don't have an upper age limit. Got it? Great. Moving on...
What Happened to My Color Posts?
Another Anon sent me an ask about my color posts a week ago, asking me why I wasn't writing them anymore and if I'll be writing more of them again.
The honest answer is that I'm busy using color (painting) rather than writing about them.
I'm currently working on a project with some other artist friends and paint around 8-10 hours/day 5-6 days/week (at least at the moment). The project won't be done until sometime during April next year, and I'm loving it here.
Will I write about color again? Sure. If I get the time and feel like it. But, at the moment, I don't have anything I feel like writing about and I would rather just throw color (paint) on canvases instead.
What I'm Currently Watching
Another Anon asked me what I was currently watching since my tumblr seemed to only be filled with 4 Minutes (which clearly showed my obsession with that show, lol), and which of those shows was my current favorite (excluding 4 Minutes).
I'm basically watching these shows, minus the ones that have ended (4 Minutes, Happy of the End, I Hear the Sunspots, The On1y One, Seoul Blues, and The Trainee), and plus Bad Guy My Boss (Thailand), Jack & Joker (Thailand) and Love is a Poison (Japan).
On paper, I should devour Jack & Joker, crumbs and all. Also on paper, Bad Guy My Boss and Live in Love should only be an entertaining escape for me to turn off my brain.
I guess I'm in some weird kind of mood at the moment because it's the complete opposite. Jack & Joker is an entertaining escape, but I'm so deep into Bad Guy My Boss and Live in Love that Sunday has become my favorite day of the week (because I get both of them on Sundays).
I'm sure I'll get more into J&J when I get more Zorzo, though. I'm just surprised about my own chill reaction to it.
Anyway...
Other than those shows, I have to mention First Note of Love (Taiwan) which is amazing. I've got Charles Tu on my screen every week (which makes me suuuuper happy), Michael Chang is amazing, James and Liu Min Ting are amazing, Kaia Lee and Amanda Liu are even more amazing, and Mos and Bank have made cameos as themselves in two episodes. And I haven't even mentioned how great the music and the story is! (Btw, I've listened to the theme song about 100 times already.)
Then there's obviously I Saw You In My Dream (Thailand) and Monster Next Door (Thailand) as well. I would write posts upon posts about these if I had the time (which I don't).
Let me just say that I'm so happy I jumped into I Saw You In My Dream even though I started watching it for a ridiculous reason. The chemistry between the four boys is amazing as well. I definitely get the sense that these characters have known each other and been friends for years, and I love how that could develop into something more for them.
And Monster Next Door is making me love an introvert and an extrovert so much at the same time that the previous episode personally attacked me from several directions.
(Btw, I intentionally told myself to not go to this show's page on MDL because this world built for extroverts is waaay too harsh on the judgments of introverted characters. You won't find that bullshit here, though, I promise.)
As an 80%+ introvert (which I've been every time I've retaken the test in the past decade or so) who can pass off as an extrovert since I'm often around a lot of people (more often than I would like because it drains my energy), I love Diew soooo much. He's such a down-to-earth boy who knows his boundaries (a lot better than I do anyway, lol), and, yet, he agrees to go and play basketball with God and his friends because he wants to spend more time with his boyfriend. It's too bad that Dr. Asshole got to God first, though.
(Dr. Asshole should just focus on healing animals rather than interacting with humans, tbh, but, I digress...)
I just hope God realizes the story he's made up in his head about Diew and Dr. Asshole is just that, a story he's made up in his head. Their communication has been great so far and I'm sure they will solve it soon enough. That doesn't mean seeing God so sad and seeing how badly Diew was treated in the past (by his then-boyfriend, Dr. Asshole) hurt any less, though.
Anyway, that's all I have for now.
*signing off to throw paint at a new canvas because I can't wait until tomorrow...*
#ask me anything#ice queen answers#bad guy my boss#jack and joker#live in love#first note of love#i saw you in my dream#monster next door#my shit
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PROGRESS POST
(12/18/23)
If you're interested in what I've done recently, the state of my projects, and what I plan on doing in the new year, read on! :)
By Fandom
Linked Universe Projects
Shatterproof: I have more backstories cooking, and a half-finished fic or two, but that's about it. I plan on updating a story at least once before January
Council (1931 AU): backburner, haven't really had inspiration. Still on my radar though, and it spins through my head on occasion!
Marvelous Misadventures: been plucking away at this! I recently had an epiphany regarding the next part of the plot, so hopefully that gets me more excited to work on it
Considering expanding the coloring pages I made into a whole series, that could be cool
Misc stuff includes a couple half-abandoned oneshots, a few drawing ideas, and a major art project that probably won't happen because I'm trying not to burn myself out 😅
Four Swords Projects
Fairytale AU: recently gained fire for this again. Reread and organized all my existing material, edited the outline, and I desperately want to finish it soon. Hesitantly scheduling for before the new year. Draft currently maybe about 30% of the way, at 8k.
Isekai AU: I don't think I've mentioned this to anyone outside discord, but ta da I'm deep in this. I'm probably 90% done, about 30k. This will be a Christmas fic, I hope!!
Vampire lords AU: rambly vampire plot is going. Somewhat slowly. I've been trying to not overload myself with too much, so this has been demoted slightly. :) Bite fics happen spontaneously, though, and there might be another coming.
Rinthia AU: my original world, the one seen in Nothing New Under the Sun. This is kind of a passing thought, definitely in planning stages, but I would kind of like to expand this—see where the other characters are, give y'all some answers, because the answers are there
Non-fandom
I want to do more traditional art, graphite and watercolors mostly, and that usually means using photos or life instead of fandom stuff. Makes it a bit less exciting, but maybe I can find a way of doing that. I miss my lil oil paint studio area but I can work with what I have
I'm crafting a few Christmas presents instead of buying them because I do not have much money. That is something I need to spend like, this next week doing
Sanderson merch: I have a goal of getting a booth at Dragonsteel next December, and selling some small souvenir stuff. My plans involve making more pins (I ordered a couple already, and they're very nice), drawing some coloring pages, and maybe advertising here a little once I actually have some stuff I'm proud of up. This will ideally take a year to get together, though, so no rush.
By Month
November
I spent most of November working on The Worst Thing About Earth, kind of an impulse fic that spiraled out of control. I think I burned myself out a little on this, so I've been taking it slowly. Trying to, anyway.
December
So far, I've mostly worked on holiday gift exchanges and some backburner stuff. Like I said, I've been taking it kind of gently. I plan on finishing the FS isekai AU this month, and getting most of the way through the fairytale AU. Getting those off my plate will free me up to think about other things, I think. I also plan on maybe one more bite fic and one more LU disability AU thing before the new year.
January On
I'm not sure what the next month will bring! Ideally, I'll be wrapping up the fairytale AU and intermittently posting a few little things. I'm hoping to return to a couple of my older projects soon, mostly Marvelous Misadventures, because I've left that thing unfinished for LONG ENOUGH.
This next year, I want to try to devote more time to doing things for myself that aren't fandom things. I'd like to reread Stormlight Archive before #5 comes out in December, play more video games, and do more painting. I would like to establish a better habit of making and eating food. I want to play board games a little more often.
Still, the muse can be fickle, and as you probably know by now, I am very good at chasing my inspiration!!
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My ex-husband visited last night to have some time together as friends, and we spent a couple hours watching a show about sunken ships on Disney+ and had dinner together.
It was nice.
I admitted to him how much I missed him and that I genuinely appreciated him seeing me, even if it was on different terms than we used to have.
He cuddled me on the sofa for a while, and he let me cry all the tears seeing him again brought out of me.
We talked about very hard things for me to talk about, while I cried more than I thought I would, and we're going to go to the courthouse to file the paperwork to legally start the divorce this coming week.
He had some overtime this last paycheck, so it won't be a problem to pay for the (stupidly expensive) court costs.
We've been separated for almost two months now. He's moved out, and nothing else will change because of some paperwork, but it's somehow different dissolving our bond legally.
When I was finishing up cleaning his former room to turn it into my own space, completely devoid of his things, I found the ring he wore when we got married, the temporary one I got for less than $20 at Walmart in 2010. I didn't know he kept it for all these years.
It fucking broke me for some reason, and I cried for so long at the discovery.
Even if it wasn't stupidly hot, I can't be in the master bedroom. It feels so wrong. There's no more "us," and the decor is different, but it still feels like "our" room. We shared it for over a decade.
Maybe that feeling will fade with time.
Right now, I can't bring myself to remove his stuff from the vanity or the shower, even though I know he's not coming back.
I'm not in denial. It's just hard to accept it, that this chapter of my life is ending, and I'm so fucking terrified. I've never been more hurt or scared in my life.
I've been spending most of my time in his former room that has the window AC unit, which I'm working on make into something that's as mine as possible with very, very minimal spending -- just using as much stuff that I already have as possible.
I might have to hit up a Goodwill or two to see if I can find some wall decor on the cheap. It's looking like I'm coming up short in that department, and it's so important to me to make the single room I'm spending extended periods of time in as homey and mine as possible.
I'm not painting it, at least not any time soon, because I'll be (hopefully) starting to work soon. The room will stay deep space blue for the time being.
It's not the worst color ever, just not very me.
But I'm not the same me I was before I met him all those years ago.
He's always going to be a part of me.
You don't spend 17 years with someone without that person becoming a permanent piece of you.
Maybe the blue is kind of like that -- that piece of him that stays with me while I'm starting down my own path without him by my side.
Anyway, in addition to trying to carve out my own space in his former room, which is a work in progress, I've been working on getting the kitchen cabinet trim ready to be painted before I paint the walls and the cabinets themselves.
There are four layers of paint on those cabinets. It's taking multiple applications of paint stripper to get it off so I can properly paint the trim, which is my first task.
I want to get the trim done and the new liners put in so I can put what I'm keeping into the cabinets again instead of being a huge mess in my former room. The mess is bothering me, just knowing it's there.
My goal is to get the kitchen completely done before July 18 -- the date of my next meeting with the vocational rehabilitation case manager so I can get a job. He called it the "planning" meeting, since I was accepted into the program.
I'm supposed to send him a résumé, and I'm like "...I haven't worked since early 2008, and my work experience was stocking shelves at Walmart."
My college education in IT is irrelevant because technology has changed so much since 2006 when I graduated.
I'll send him one, though.
Maybe there's some form or something I can plug my information into without putting in a ton of effort for the absolutely pointless résumé.
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tuez
yayyy
listening: release radar: i get it now (sammy rae) (wauuughhhh. emo. i miss my partner) come over (cat's pajamas) stuck (scene queen) nerima (raspberry pie) never me (penelope) beirut (rob blivion) rule #34 (fish in a birdcage) bourgeoisieses (conan grey) milk town/mr carter (nep) doppelganger - lullaby (ethan bortnick) my baby loves to dance (kenya grace) horror night (starcourt) (@delta-orionis, you will like this one)
some from last week that i forgor to note down: tiny human (elohim), some type of skin (aurora), chukotka (otyken), training season (dua lipa, chloe caillet mix), georgian spirit (equbeats), online (twrp), someone else (kenya grace)
aaaand formentera/formentera ii again.
podcasts: wtyp on the francis scott key bridge collapse, and jim gordon must die podcast of all time
reading: i started reading 'bunny' by mona awad because it came up as a recommendation in libby when i was returning mdzs. i am going to be valiant and give it one more chapter but i do not like it. it feels like its trying very hard to emulate a certain type of vibe that i already don't find super appealing in fiction so the trying-vibe of it makes it even more uninteresting to me. the premise is a girl at a mfa program in nebulous New England Private Liberal Arts School(tm) which like, fine, dark academia or whatever; there are four (five?? i literally cannot remember which, lol) other girls in her cohort who are a weird clique and call each other 'bunny' and are rich and sheltered but harboring a Dark Secret Club. sure. the first few chapters ooze 'not like other girls'-ism, the 'bunny' characters themselves feel flat and like caricatures in an unappealing way, main character's other friend ava also is a caricature in a boring way, just very uninspiring. like i said i will give it another chapter or two but if it continues to bore me i will return it.
i finished the scum villain extras! very charming.
watching: keeping up to date with dunmeshi, yay, and also been continuing to watch endeavor with a friend. it's good! i love a mystery show! it is impossible to watch without subtitles though because they are So British. relatedly i am going to terf island for two weeks in june (london and then edinburgh) so if you know any recs for food, places, etc i am all ears!
playing: this weekend was going to be 3 dnd games in a row ... then monday was postponed to next monday ... but my sunday group, which is normally every other week, has decided to play next sunday as well bc we skipped a few weeks ... so Next weekend is the 3 day dnd combo lmfao. i don't mind too bad.
making: pottery!!! some bisque came out and i am soooo chuffed (<- endeaver tv show britishism rubbing off on me) this will be its own post with more images because i want to @ the inspiring artist, jbbartram-illu on tumblr (shop); i am obsessed with the cave painting mugs from a few months ago that immediately sold out so i was like fuck it i wanna make my own. and i am obsessed with my lil fat horses. i put amaco ancient jasper on the inside and just a matte clear on the outside. hopefully it is matte enough. i also put little hands on the handles and now i want to make some more cave painting mugs that are just the hands, i could cut out some templates to sponge underglaze around maybe...
my beautiful cracked-the-code bowls and two maybe teacups, post-trimming:
and also trying a new glaze technique: bisqued underglaze and then liquid latex over top! that way you can slather a background on and just peel it off after without painting around the details. im ngl peeling off the latex was soooo satisfying. background is laguna celadon froth.
i've also glazed my citrus juicer, just a plain warm yellow color, looking forward to that :3
glaze: mother's day gift (planter, it's. fine. idk. she'll like it i hope), and also some fixed stuff! didn't bother taking pics, the black eye bowl from feb 6 tuesdaypost is now food safe on the inside because i sanded down the kiln medium bit that got stuck in there and re-glazed it. i also tried to fix the bowl from march 12 tuesdaypost by just lightly sanding the inside and slapping some laguna celadon froth over it...it looks exactly the same now, just with some sort of float-like blue splotches lol. no pictures of it but eh. might give it away, we'll see.
eating: Spicy Clam Pasta With Bacon, Peas and Basil Recipe (NYT): tasty. idk about 'spicy' but definitely yummy.
misc: definitely in a weird spot brain-wise...the anxiety and tummyache link/feedback loop is very real for me now, so i am going back on an extremely low dose of ssri about it, and even though i have been on this med before in much larger amount i am still experiencing aaa about it. i keep going between "going back on this is a good idea" and "or i could just keep taking ~10mg of cbd every other day bc that felt like it was doing something, even if it was just placebo i had a noticeable difference in mood" so like. bluh. idk. i wish i could just Know what the best course of action is instead of having to fuck around and find out. such is life. i am literally taking the world's babiest dose rn (breaking the starter pill in half) so it will be fine. as long as i dont get bad side effects im willing to do a few weeks on it and see what happens.
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Since everyone has been nagging at me to take it easy, I've finally gone ahead and... made an attempt.
Look, with a garden you don't get days off, so sue me!
I did make my second glow worm farm, so hopefully now I'll get more worms! Does mean more beachcombing for me, but like... This is not a hardship. I can take pictures of the amazing view too!
Though I probably shouldn't drag Jel with me more than maybe once a week. The man has so many commissions and I certainly can't sew well enough to help him catch up! He does seem to enjoy me sitting near at hand though, while he's working on something. We don't talk, he sews, I... read.
He swears I can practice the lute, but I don't really want him to hear me do it badly. So the lute stays home for now. Mostly I read, but...
Well, while I can't say Caleri's library is bad, I will say that it feels like it's missing something. History is all well and good, but... History can be dry and dull, and I want... I don't know. More than that? I've tried to read Auni's books about a hero, but they read too... I suppose picturesque. They're made for kids, and I'm not a kid. I want a little realism in my stories, but not a lot of realism.
Lark thinks I should write my own book, but I don't know. I know what reads as good prose, I don't know if I can write my own. I don't even know what I'd write about, and I feel like anyone who learned I was writing would expect something Very Human from me, like... i don't know, an autobiography or something?
Which I bet I would find boring even if I did remember where I'd come from. And writing of how my life in Kilima has gone so far... that's just these journal entries. Way too personal.
Maybe I'm thinking about it too much, I don't know...
On a less existential crisis note, I have finished some more house stuff!
The bathroom is tiny, no lie, but it's amazing. Honestly, the hardest part was the wall paneling stuff! Tish helped me install the sink and the overhead cupboard.... mostly by using Reth as a tall person~ I paid him in macarons.
Look, I offered coin, but he said no! So I had to get sneaky and threaten him with Lark! He said I played dirty and took the macarons. So... I win? Jel was a little put out that I didn't ask him, but he was impressed with how I put it together. He also said this little living room is cozy, and he can't wait for all of us to gather again for more board games and scary stories.
Reth is not allowed to tell scary stories any more. Or at least, not Grimalkin themed ones. Jeez. I couldn't sleep after he told that one, and ended up crashing on the couch in Jel's shop for a midday nap.
I think Jel found it cute. But yeah. I'm not letting Reth tell stories again.
I want to make a couple more chairs, since Reth said he wanted to invite Tish next time we played. Maybe I could make a small room off the kitchen for storage? Oh, or I've got an extra tent packed away, maybe I could use that for holding any extra chairs and things for if I get more guests.
I mean, it's that or I build room onto the kitchen and make the dining room bigger and fancier, and I just.. I dunno. I'm not a fancy person? I'll have to think about it.
It's kinda funny though; every time I think I'm done with my house, I get a new idea. And I still want to paint and sew things in a more... me color scheme, but I also really could use that stroage upgrade Tish says she has. I've almost got enough. And man, it's hard to resist buying the paintings and rugs down in the nightmarket. I've managed it so far, but dang is it hard!
Good thing I don't need any more flow tech from Zeki...
Maybe if I sketch out the room, I can figure out what I want before I buy anything... And remind myself that I want the house to be comfortable and cozy for all my friends.
#palia#palia online#singularity 6#berry plays palia#palia game#palia journaling#palia journey#palia mmo#palia roleplaying
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The State of Things
It’s been a busy couple of months here at stately Grayson-Coats manor. A lot going on. Like, a lot a lot.
Jimmy and I spent a few weeks furiously planning the wedding. We have a tentative date (Oct 12th), and we pretty much have our colors (grey and purple) and the overall flow of the ceremony, as well as our attendants selected. Our priest has agreed to marry us (which I something I never thought would be possible, but that’s the Episcopal Church for you), and we’ve decided to get married at the actual church, which will be amazing. The next step is to call the church and schedule an appointment with the priest and also whomever we need to talk to to actually book the church and that has been on my to-do list for like six weeks now and I … just keep forgetting to do it? This is not a ‘he has mixed feelings so he’s dragging his feet’ thing, which I can forgive you for thinking. It’s a ‘the church office is only open until noon every day and by the time I remember I should call they are closed’ thing. I did put it on my LifeUp! To-do list so it should happen soon, hopefully tomorrow. I hear you. Get your shit together, Chad.
We both started school January 16th, and that has been an adjustment for both of us. I love my classes. I love the process of doing art the same way I love the process of writing, which is a good sign for my longevity in this pursuit. Originally, I was just going to get a certificate in Digital Art and Design, but now I’ve decided to get a whole-ass AA in Art. Specializing in Digital stuff, but also pursuing drawing and painting.
I am finding myself having to forgive myself for being a beginner in this. It took me 46 (at least) years to get somewhat good at writing. I’ve been doing art for a month. Less than, actually. I know how I want things to look, but my skills have not developed to the point where they come out like that. This is as it should be! If things were feeling too easy, I wouldn’t be learning. I’m getting good grades on all my assignments. I am exactly where I should be. But there’s a part of me that is like ‘I need to demonstrate immediate mastery of every new skill I try, or I am a loser. I am the only one this applies to.’ I need someone to sit next to me and spray me with water every time I say something self-deprecating. (Yes, I have been working on this in therapy). I will probably start sharing some of my art soon, probably on my Instagram account.
But I love being in school again. I like being on campus and sitting in class and working on a new set of skills. I’m into the whole thing. (Could academia be my kink?) I’ve started to make friends with my fellow students, many of whom are my age or older. Also, maybe this is news to you, but art seems to attract a lot of queer people? Who knew? Anyway, I love every part of this except getting up for 8:00 classes. Like, who invented 8:00 classes? They need to be punished.
And while I have turned my attention to art school, I have not neglected my writing. It is still my first love, and my primary vocation. I scheduled myself three days a week for writing. I write 2500 words every writing day, which gives me 7500 words a week or 30,000 words a month (at least). In January, I met this goal, even though I took a week off because I got sick (influenza can die in a fire), and I am on track for February too. I was a little afraid that my mental energy would fail me, but art and writing, while both creative, don’t use the same parts of my brain, so doing a lot of one doesn’t exhaust my capacity for the other. I have six days a week I work at either school, or writing both, and I take Sundays mostly off. I’m extremely glad I quit working at the library because that would not have fit into this schedule, despite the fact that I don’t have class the day I usually worked.
I’m almost finished with the rough draft of ‘World Enough and Time,’ my sci-fi romance that started with a silly idea and has gotten surprisingly deep. I have my next few projects lined up. Actually, I made a list of all the books I have solid ideas for, and it was, I shit you not, 37 books! So, because I am a planner, I scheduled out a potential work and release schedule and this will take me thirteen years. And part of me wants to post that list of deadlines and hold myself to it, and part of me is like, no, just write the books and don’t worry about deadlines. Clearly, I need my muse to take a vacation because I don’t need any more book ideas. But it was nice to get a realistic idea of what was possible. In 13 years, I will only be 64 (I can’t believe I used only in that sentence) and that isn’t really that old by any means. There are a lot of people in my writing group who are older than that, and still going strong.
Overall, I’m grateful for the way my 50’s seem to be shaping up. I’m not as young as I used to be, but physically, I’m just as capable as I was when I was 30. I’ve finally figured out how my brain works and created ways to be productive. I am wholly myself with everyone in my life, no longer trapped in the closet. I have great relationships with my close family and my kids and grandkids. In October, I will marry the love of my life, and there were many times over the years I despaired of that ever happening.
I would love to get away from financial stress, and really see my career take off, but I’m not really in control of whether or not that happens. The best thing I can do is put out the best work that I can, work that I am proud of, and I have been doing that. I’m looking into ways to not go as deeply in the hole as I have been (the art degree is part of that).
I have four books lined up to publish this year, including a short story collection that will be an exclusive for newsletter subscribers. Also, Curse of the Onyx Heart, the first book in The Circle and the Shadow, and epic fantasy series. In August, I plan to release Beneath the Silent Stars, which is Broken Stars book 5. Also this summer, I’ll be sending out the short story collection, which is titled Ghosts of Exile and other Stories. And then I hope to release World Enough and Time in December. That will bring my published works up to 10.
I feel good about how things are going right now, even if things are not perfect. This is the life I have built for myself, and if I’d known it was coming during those long, dark, years, I would have realized that all the pain would one day be worth it.
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Big Ol Ask Post Pt. 3 I think
I haven’t drawn anything other than cursed or plain technical stuff w him 😔😔 have these for now but expect more soon!
anon a way back asked what he’d look like next to Overlord being already so big compared to Megs, that’s why you see Lordie if you’re wondering why he’s thrown in that line up!
by the way I have a voice claim for the big purple simp— Jenner from NIMH, he’s so awful but that suave baritone oh it fits too well >:] it’s the ‘humble servant’ line that got to me
Yep! Pharma is absolutely in this AU—as well as the CFau and Crack one too—and in all, he’s still an estranged medic long since booted from any legal work back on Cybertron.
He lost his credibility and more all those years ago when he found himself willing to do his fair share of cutting corners and hastily concealed malpractice to expedite his dream of getting his name down in the medical books—ultimately impressing his dear Mentor Ratchet, finally, in perfecting long-since banned risky experiments and surgeries—not to mention cruel and unusual temperament with the (supposedly) taboo practice of non-medicinal mnemosurgery.
His ambitions and aggression always got the bet of him, this hasn’t changed since he found himself working in freelance outposts. Light years away from Cybertron, he’s made a name for himself as a Good Doctor—but to his under-the-table black market part-dealing clients, he’s just about as bad as a Crooked Medic can get.
Bounty hunters and Arms Dealers like him for his business, a certain DJD member likes him for the occasional berth company and seemingly never ending supply of fresh T-Cogs—but no one actually likes him for his nasty temperamental personality, save for a young and naive Ratchet once upon a time.
Pharma is a roamer, as of recent he’s been a hard to reach mech—seems as if he’s found a little project to keep himself pretty occupied in the last few decades—something about a breakthrough for aiding the Decepticon Energon Crisis :] him and a small, horrifyingly cheerful surgeon are well on their way to completing their first trial batches, it’s safe to say that their little synthetic mixture will have it’s users sated and compliant.
they’ve got that amazing ‘new car smell’ those first few weeks, and instead of chittering like an Insecticons or vibrating their wings like a seeker—they beep and squeak, sometimes even honk a horn depending on the baseline altmode coding, to get their Creators’ attention before their vocalizer truly starts to kick online
It’s cute, but loud
Much like a seeker sparkling, they have to reach a certain ‘age’ (upgrade) to be able to transform completely, in between then they’re still able to rev those engines as a warning should they need it, as well as spin their wheels should they need a getaway HEELIES IF THEYRE LUCKY WOOHOOOOO—for seekers they can hover on their thrusters!
Crusade is actually pretty formal with Megatron. But yeah as a kid, Megs was always known as Carrier, but as Sadie got older and more aware of their surroundings—they definitely came to learn the true weight of that title and the fact that they were the progeny of the faction leader, a fact they should have really held onto with more pride. Not wanting to draw more attention to the already blatant favoritism (and nepotism) Crusade made a switch to addressing Megatron as Sir, My Lord, Lord Megatron, —ect. to better fit in with their fellow troops.
It bothers Megatron more than than he lets on. Crusade shouldn’t have to hide their high ranking as his child, the heir to the faction. Megs is their Carrier and can only order them around for so long, as their Leader however—pulling rank may just allow for their infuriatingly stubborn sparkling to listen to them should a day come where even a Carrier’s plea is dismissed.
Crusade does slip up every now and then and a ‘Carrier’ will slip—often hushed and annoyed though as Megs does like to tease every now and then, gotta remind them that they’re still his baby every once in a while :’)
Optimus however—whenever him and Crusade should truly reunite, will never be called Sire by Crusade, which they so heatedly established early on—Crusade never needed one and they don’t need one now, better to not let the title trigger those long-suppressed emotions. Sure enough though Optimus will get his moment.
actually no lmfao so you’re good! Eh, I haven’t mentioned much plot w them outside of them and Megs, plus bits of potential interactions with Optimus—so the rest of Team Prime is free game :D
For what I (hopefully will have) planned, their interactions with team Prime will be eh,,,interesting to each their own to say the least. Some more stressful than others BUT let’s not get into that until I’ve worked it out—for now I’ll just mention what they’re dynamics would be like when the drama of Oh Shit Boss Bot You’ve Been Hiding a Kid For HOW LONG has died down.
A usually touch-wary Crusade actually is the one to initiate a hug with Bulkhead, he’s the biggest and warmest and somehow is always happy to see them. Plus he tells cool recaps of Earth films and gifts them strange blobish paintings every now and then, all of which Crusade doesn’t exactly understand, but at least the colors are pretty.
Bee is annoying,,,which is what Crusade would say if confronted if they actually liked all the shenanigans Bee suggest they pull together, prank wars to the max, sparring for fun, video games?, DOUGHNUTS and RACES in the fortress halls??? Ahem. they are a super serious soldier, not a hooligan. But honestly, Bee is the one they seek out the most should they need an adventure, they missed out on a lot of this ‘fun’ growing up on the Nemesis—Bee seems to know how to balance a day of soldiering and dumbassery. sometimes.
Ratchet reminds them a bit too much of their Carrier than they’d care to admit. The medic is an old soul to his very core, perpetually tired but quick to snap into work mode, and sweet if you reallllllly squint. Sadie has been taught from day one to always respect medics, Ratchet obviously takes the cake on I’ve Seen Some Shit and for that alone Crusade both fears and admires Ratchet. Again, growing up on the Nemesis they didn’t have too many bots willing to talk much with them—but Ratchet (after he’s gone through his own lot of therapy, him AND Arcee. good lord) has a never ending pile of stories to share with them. Ratchet may throw in a few more colorful curses than necessary—which is SURPRISING bc Crusade thought they’d heard them all back home, but he’s entertaining and tells Crusade how it is, no sugarcoating. For that Crusade is grateful, there’s been too many half-truths thrown about to them in their recent years :’)
Ghost Prowl freaks them out—why does he deliberately have to be so sneaky?? Crusade has only met Prowl a fleeting handful of times (visits from the Allspark come with meaning, you know) and each time Crusade has been given nothing but odd riddles and poetic nonsense. Kidding. Prowl does like his wordplay’s but his given advice is always well meaning—the most firm and direct message Crusade has been passed though was probably most definitely “ Get those two cowards for mecha you call your Creator’s to stop fooling around with each other and SPEAK—at this rate it’s physically paining me that they haven’t begun Ritus and they’re not getting any younger”
Team Prime adores Sadie, they ask Megatron to see their sparkling photos every chance they catch him. And Crusade. hates it.
:) have
We’ve been here before, haven’t we?
#my art#cybertron’s legacy au#transformers#megop#lots to unpack#tarn is big and purple and very much a sip for megatron this has been established#simp*#also he’s HUUGE#Pharma has a nice role in this au but mostly it’s some other rouge cons#mostly dear Trepan and his big bully of a husband >:3#WE GOT SOME HOMAGE TO TFP HELL YEAHHHHHHHH GET READY. it’s gonna be darker for sure but ohohoohohooo can’t wait#Sadie is to OLD to call their mom Carrier UGH.#very sad and very much not true#but the title is still there and every now and then a ‘Carrier’ will be thrown out#team prime all would love Sadie#it would take a min for Sadie to warm up but they’ll fit right in :) little band of misfits#and finally#a re draw of one of my fav megop peices ive done#look how far they’ve come 😭😭#tfa tarn#tfa Pharma#tfa trepan#tfa megop#transformers animated#tfa optimus prime#tfa megatron
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lipstick on your cape
“Robbie?” Tabitha looked up from the phone she wasn’t supposed to have on patrol at Nightwing. Hopefully Peg wouldn’t tattle on her to Bruce. “You got a little something on your cape. I think it’s that dark red lipstick they can probably see from the Watchtower.”
Beth examined her cape and, sure enough, there were some mysterious red smudges on the inner yellow lining, just past the right shoulder. She scrubbed at it with her gloves, how’d that even get there? Alfred would have a fit if this stained. Peg grunted as she sat down next to Tab on the edge of the building.
“So, do you wanna talk about it?” Peg asked, deceptively casual.
“About what?” Beth questioned.
“About why you’ve been sporting colored lips the last week,” Peg said softly. “I mean it’s pretty and all but its very,“ she paused. “It’s grownup. Are you trying to impress someone? I know things with you and Arianna are over but maybe someone on your team?”
“No, it’s not like that!” Beth blushed. “I don’t know, I thought it looked nice?”
“You’re 15 baby girl,” Peg said with a little frown. “You don’t need to look nice, you just need to be yourself. Especially as Robin.”
“I am being myself. I don’t have a reason, okay! I just thought it would be fun. I don’t know, I like girly stuff I guess. Its a safety risk to wear fun earrings or necklaces on patrol so, I don’t know, the other day I put on some lipstick and thought it looked cute so I kept doing it.”
Her mother had been a tomboy, more at home in the dirt than society but Tabitha had always been impressed at how she could transform. The nights they were home, when they had to play the part of the Drakes, were special. Mom would do her hair, nails and make-up just so and become someone else. She went from Tab’s flighty, distracted but stubborn mom to a princess. Her smiles were calculated, her posture perfect and she could glide across a ballroom in six inch heels and a sleek dress like she was born for it. And she had been but she’d rejected it for her dad and archeology but mostly archeology.
Tabitha loved computers and skateboards and comics and cars but she’d spent so many hours learning to style her hair in different ways, to paint her nails like a pro and to layer her lipstick like she was ready for murder. It was a side she hadn’t indulged in much lately. Being Robin was it’s own sort of freedom but it had its restrictions as well.
“I didn’t know you were into that sort of thing,” Peg said thoughtfully, leaning back to look up at the moon. “I guess Jan and I set a bit of a precedent huh?” Robins were crime fighters. They laughed at criminals and fought against the worst of the worst. They were efficient, practical and inspiring. They didn’t wear lipstick. Beth brought a glove to cover her mouth.
“Sorry, I guess it’s not really appropriate, is it? I think I have some make up remover wipes in my belt.” Peg grabbed a hold of her wrist.
“No, no, keep it on,” Peg insisted. “It does look nice, you did a good job and it really compliments the red of your suit.” She shifted so they were holding hands. “My mom used to do me up in makeup before shows, so the audience could see our faces. I can still feel her fingertips running over my cheeks.” She said with a soft voice, eyes closed in memory. “Moving in with B, I couldn’t do makeup that extravagant. I had to make a good impression and then, as I got older, I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong impression from lipstick and eye shadow.”
“It’s such a burden to be beautiful,” Tabitha said with an eye roll even though it kind of was. She saw the way people ogled Peg at events. Tab had tripped one particularly creepy guy right into the punch bowl. Bruce had given her a thumbs up across the hall.
“You’re not Jan, no one expects you to be,” Peg said softly. “We just want you to be yourself. That’s the beauty of being Robin, you get to be whoever you want to be.”
“And what about B?” Beth questioned.
“You introduced yourself by breaking B’s rules,” Peg said with a grin, breaking the hand hold to ruffle Tab’s hair. She angrily straightened her clip and re-fluffed her bangs. Just because Nightwing just had a simple ponytail doesn’t mean some vigilantes didn’t care about merging style and function. “I think you’ll be fine.”
“Hmm, okay,” Beth said, scooting over to lean on Peggy’s shoulder. She loved her mom, missed her a lot but having a big sister was pretty great too. “You could add a little color to your lips too if you want.”
“I think I’ll pass. I’ve seen the colors you wear, baby bird,” Peg chuckled.
“Well how about your hair?” Tab asked, sitting up. “I could teach you how to do a simple french braid, or more fancy if you’d like. Still be functional but adds a little bit of style.”
“Tomorrow, my place, my hands always cramp after too long using the grapples. I’ll order some of that disgusting pizza you like,” Peg grinned. Tabitha grinned, her lips a dark ruby red under the Gotham moonlight.
Robin didn’t do her make up every night. Some nights she was running late, finishing clipping on her cape as she ran to the Batmobile. Other times she was too tired, too pained, just not in the mood for such frivolities. But other nights, she sculpted her eyebrows with an eyebrow pencil. She rubbed primer, foundation, blush, sealant on her face that could hold up against wind, rain and rogues. She poured over her ever growing collection of lipsticks and lipstains and picked a color that spoke to her.
Red was for when she was feeling daring, bold, she had many different variations of the color but deliberately shied away from Joker red. When Spoiler took to the streets she acquired all sorts of different purples to complement the laughing boy’s costume. Pink was for when she felt soft but strong, when she was making a statement to the worst of Gotham that it couldn’t change her. Black was only to be used on the nights she knew would be bad. Bart got her a glittery gold one that she loved but used sparingly because it caught the light easily. Peg had laughed when when Tab shown up once with Nightwing blue lips, her braided hair dancing in the breeze.
She was Robin, she was a hero, a role model, a symbol. But she was also a girl, a girl who loved dresses that flared out when she spun and lots of shiny, sparkly dangles and doodads and she loved the taste of matte lipstick as she jumped into the fight. Sometimes people were just a pile of different things all mushed together. And the rest of the world was going to just have to get over it.
#wayne girls au#been a while since I used that tag#I never properly stop thinking of my girl Robins they just go to sleep and occasionally strangle me#please Do Not turn this into a make-up arguement#I treat it as a fun thing to do when I want to and inspired by me wearing this dark purple lipstick on Tues and feeling divine#(I project so much onto Tabitha don't look at me)#I think Tab would have an interesting relationship within femininity and Robin#Neither Peg nor Jan were into it so she's in a way breaking out of the mold by expressing herself in that manner#but she does become the go to for traditional make up (even B and the boys)#I also have strong feelings on Beth giving Nightwing the braid that would become her signature#sisterly bonding and Peg embracing a little bit more of that femininity she'd sort of abandoned trying to fir into society/male hero society#I have so much gd lore and headcanons for these bitches its insane#they go to sleep but then I pull them out and take like 5 minutes to download all the bs I've come up with#(Peg was originally Rachel and I'll always be thankful for Lox pointing out that Peg is a MUCH better Fem Dick name)#anyway I love ridiculous lipstick colors and it amuses me to think this baby lil teen shows up to a crime scene with dayglow purple lips#my 90s babe shops at Clairs and buys the most obnoxious jewelery and does wild nail polish colors and is a pretty punk princess#I'm love her so much#blorbo from my self projections
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Hii, I'm absolutely enamoured of your art! The style is so neat and expressive, the colours a delight and overall aaah, you're amazing, looking forward to see your future works :D
I have this question (I hope it doesn't bother you, feel free to ignore in case), have you attended any art school/academy or are you self taught? Because I'd love to learn how to draw, and I know that practice is the key, but I feel so lost thinking about what I should practice exactly. I think that a course would help, but at the same time I think it wouldn't since art is mostly yours to develop and vibe with yanno. Hope you're having a nice (insert moment of the day here)!
hi! first, thank you sm! I know it doesn’t seem like much but compliments regarding the funky way I draw make my day :). And for the second thing- nope! I attended public school that had a basic art class that you drew maybe a still life in and moved on in 8 weeks to do other extracurriculars like gym. Later on I did get the chance to learn some digital/photoshop stuff and paints for more serious courses but yea! mostly self taught :)
Next bit is LONG so we’re breaking it up:
aaaa ok so now when I heard of the “I’d love to learn how to draw, but I feel lost” I resonated with that BIG time. “Starting art” or in your case stating how you wanted to learn how to draw is a personal process that i wholly believe will be different for everyone. For me I started by drawing on rocks I found in the backyard as a kid and grew from there. To jump into drawing (for my personal method!) draw what your interested in or what you enjoy, and then mix that with some studies. Maybe an OC one day, and the next you’ll practice hands/ something from life you don’t really wanna draw. But! by doing this you build skills and grow- then when you redraw that OC maybe their anatomy is better or you drew a nice background with it. Once you learn the basics of some elements of art then you can stylize them!
“Well what do I study?” Anatomy, color theory, composition tricks, fundamentals of art, etc. are all pretty broad things to focus on! I would try to divy it up, maybe you practice shoes, or plant studies one day instead of the whole human figure and a forest painting. Keep it simple and fun, you’re learning and sketches aren’t meant to be perfect! There’s no “order” on what you should study first. As for taking courses vs going with flow with art/more self taught, I would say that if you have the opportunity to learn from masters- take it take it take it. I would never consider learning or taking inspiration from artists cheating. Of course I wouldn’t recommend copying an artists work (and CERTAINLY not positing it online) but maybe as a study draw a work that is based from them/their style and learn from it. I look at the way I draw noses for certain characters and they remind me of they way “x” person drew them, yeah? bits and pieces of inspiration and other artists work helped me create my own art that is personal to me :).
WHOOO okay finally last thing- going back to the no “order” bit. Establish goals! lets say you wanna draw characters first, then I would recommend looking up videos of drawing body types or tutorials online. Maybe clothes next, or you wanna learn to draw trees and do a whole week on that. Some people practice everyday, others do it like once a week- and that’s ok! Art shouldn’t be super stressful methinks. If you think taking an art course is good for your artistic journey, then do it. If you think practicing everyday but more self-taught (still use references, im the biggest hypocrite when it comes to this but they’re so so important), then do it! Yeah I might be throwing in what I personally do as an artist (but I’m still VERY much learning too!) however it is your choice to decide what path is best for you as a creator. Hopefully some of this helped! it seemed like a very genuine ask that I appreciated and wanted to give my input to the best of my ability :)
#OWOOOUUUUUUGH#long post#nyx! thank you for the ask! hopefully this is helpful in some way#but I’ll put the disclaimer again: I’m not an expert cause I am very much still learning too-these are just the things that have helped me#still it was super sweet- I saw your other message and I must’ve missed it sorry about that one dude!#also another quick thing I know studies sound like this big scary or exhausting word#but in art they don’t have to be- I learned to draw formal wear and clothing wrinkles from drawing my favorite character in a show#sucker wore a suit and I learned from that#appa asks
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This is going to be so CUTEEE!!
Fluff💖
Their Favorite Memory With You
Character x !fem reader, everyone (you and the characters) are aged up!!
(h/c)= hair color, (l/n)= last name
Tenya Iida-
Tenya's favorite memory with you was your guy's wedding day. You and Tenya were inseparable, ever since you two got together in U.A. You two have been together since you both were around 15 and 16 years old, you're currently 24 and 25. It was always known that you guys were probably going to get married, which you always loved the idea of.
It was spring, your wedding day was quickly approaching. The cherry blossom leaves were falling, all different shades of pink and white. It was warm but not too hot, everything was perfect. The beautiful forest behind the venue, there were white benches and the front had this wonderful rock half-wall. The wedding was started, Tenya was at the front with his hands by his side, his brother Tensei as the best man standing next to him. Everyone was seated and waiting, then the melody started playing. It was being played by a piano, and it sounded beautiful. Everyone stood up, then he saw you. He could feel his heart stop, you were wearing a white wedding dress, a ball gown silhouette, and lace towards the bottom. Tenya had a wide smile, he could feel his heart race. Your (h/c) hair was pulled up into a tight bun, with a long veil with lace.
You got to the altar, and the ceremony went on. As it went on, you would sniffle every now and then and you would hear him choke up some. Whenever it got to vows, you almost broke. "Tenya, I'm so glad that I can marry you and spend every day with you. Whenever we first met I didn't realize how much I would love you, but now I know I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. I love you so much and I'm so happy that I can be your wife." You say, tearing up with joy. "(y/n), you motivate me so much to become a better person and hero. I'm so happy to have you in my life, and even happier I get to marry you. You're the love of my life." He said, wiping away a quick tear. Then it finally got to the end, you said your "I do"'s and you were officially married. Whenever you heard "you may kiss the bride!" Tenya immediately grabbed you and kissed you.
Katsuki Bakguou-
His favorite memory would have to be bringing home your first child. Whenever you and Katsuki first moved in together, you never imagined getting married and let alone having a child together. You guys were around 26 and 28, Katsuki being older, and were engaged.
Then you found out you were pregnant, Katsuki was excited but scared. With him being a pro hero he knew that it would be a bit tougher, but honestly, the pregnancy was a breeze, well kind of. Of course, there was the morning sickness, the swollen feet, but you wouldn't trade it for anything. 9 months passed and your sweet baby girl was here, she looked like a mixture of you and him but his genes definitely showed up more. She has a lot of his facial features, his classic red eyes, but had your (h/c) hair and nose. The day you brought Hazuki, meaning leaf and moon, home you both were a nervous wreck. "Babe you can move a bit faster than that." You say laughing, your fiance was currently moving like a sloth, trying not to wake her up. He rolls his eyes and starts going towards her nursery. It was decorated with blush pink curtains, a white crib with a cute flower baby blanket hanging on the side, and her name above the crib. You were making some hot tea, to help with your headache and body aches, and you overheard Katsuki.
"This is your crib, your mom worked really hard to paint it. I know it's a boring color, I suggested something close to explosions but we made a comprise." You smile, he was talking to Hazuki. "Daddy loves you so much, and any boy, or girl, or anyone in general, tries to pick on you or mess with you, I'll kick their butts." You giggled and walk in there, he was rocking her slowly back and forth. "Babe? Put her in the crib so she can sleep, you can talk about kicking butt later." You say while smiling, he frowned, "dumbas- I mean dumb butt, were you listening?" You nod and kiss him. "You're already an amazing father Bakugou." He smiled, like one of those really big smiles full of joy and not destruction. "She's going to beat every kid, and she's going to have an amazing quirk!" He exclaims, you quickly shush him, as Hazuki started to coo slightly. "Now come on, let's go get some lunch and sleep while we can." You say whispering, and giggling a bit. He nods and puts her into her crib gently, and follows you into the living room.
Shoto Todoroki-
Shoto's favorite of you two was definitely when you two first met. It was around 5 years ago, you were at a coffee shop ordering a hot cup of coffee. It was winter, there was white, fluffy snow everywhere. "Here you go ma'am, have a good day." The barista says, you smile and nod, taking your coffee.
You pulled out your buzzing phone, it was your mother calling. She found this puppy in her old neighborhood so she's been updating you all about it. You sigh and start typing, when you do, you run into something. You and the man flew back, coffee went everywhere, and you landed on the floor. Before you look up at see him, you're already apologizing. "I'm so sorry! I should of been paying attention!" You exclaim, embarrassed about not paying attention. You can hear a slight chuckle and see him extend his hand out. You grab it and stand up, you look at him and focus on all of his features. He had half white and half red hair, one brown eye and one icy blue eye, and a big scar on his cheek. You frown, "I'm sorry seriously, I should of been paying attention." You say as you look at his shirt, you gasp. His shirt, his poor white shirt got ruined. "No it's fine, I should of stopped and paid attention." He says, you sigh. "Can I at least buy you another shirt? Or pay for dry cleaning?" He laughs, "no, no it's fine. I have others at home." You laugh a bit and put your phone back into your purse.
"Can I treat you to another coffee?" You ask, trying to make it up. He pauses for a second, "you know what? Let's go get a hot tea, I know this tea shop." He doesn't even give you a second to answer and he starts to walking, you quickly following behind him. At that tea shop you both talked about your lives, you found out his name is Shoto Todoroki, you found out more about his quirk, and even found out he was a pro hero! "It was awesome talking to you Shoto," you say while holding out your hand, "hopefully we can hang out more!" You say with a smile. He smiles and shakes your hand. "Here let me give you my number, and then we can text each other at first." He starts writing his number down and gives it to you smiling, "maybe we can have another day like this." You nod, and from that day on you've been close! A week later you guy's actually went on a date to this restaurant downtown. Now five years later, you both are dating and living together in your cozy apartment. You also have a cat named Gizmo!
Denki Kamanari-
You are Denki have been together for around four years or so. His favorite memory has to be how he recently proposed! The day was hot and you were by the ocean. There was kids laughing, sand castles everywhere, and people surfing.
You and Denki were sitting by the ocean on a light blue beach towel. You were wearing a light green, wrap one piece swimsuit. "Babe come on! You have to go surfing at least once in your life!" He exclaims, you roll your eyes and laugh. "Calm down, calm down let me make sure our stuff doesn't get washed away." You say, standing up. "Hey babe, actually can you do something for me?" You turn around, looking at him. "Can you go and buy a cooler? I know I seen some in the gift shop." You looked at him confused, "a cooler?" He nods, "remember ours broke and plus we have drinks to keep cool!" You sigh and grab your beach bag, "fine, I'll be back." You say as you leave for the shop. As you went shopping, Denki set up and went through with his perfect idea. He has been planning on proposing to you, he even has the ring with him. He's been carrying it around for months trying to plan the best proposal ever. Denki wants everything perfect, just for you. He drew out the words "will you marry me (y/n)?" on the beach.
Whenever you got back, you were furious. "Cooler in the shop my ass, all they had was cringey shirts." You mumble to yourself. You saw his yellow hair and frowned, not seeing the words drawn in the sand. Before you took a step closer, Denki yells out "look at the ground!" It's obviously confused but you didn't really question it. "Huh?" You say while looking down, and then that's when you see it. Your eyes fill with tears of joy, and Denki comes up to you. He kneels down on one knee, holding up a ring. "Will you make me the happiest man and marry me (y/n)?" He asks, you nod your head yes. He smiles and puts the ring on your finger, standing up. "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." He says while you hug him tightly. That was the best day for you two, soon as you could and got to your phone, you told everyone.
I hope you liked this! It was so cute to make!
I hope you have a great day!
#bnha#bokuno hero academia x reader#mha#anime#my hero x reader#my hero x y/n#x reader#fluff#bakugou x y/n#bnha x fem!reader#denki kaminari#denki x y/n#denki x reader#shoto todoroki x y/n#bnha shoto todoroki#tenya iida headcanons#tenya iida#bnha tenya#my hero academia#my hero headcanons#mha headcanons#bnha headcanons#bnha shoto x reader#bnha katsuki#katsuki bakugou fluff#boko no hero academia
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Oh-- I really really -really- liked your wolf hybrid Bakugou and-- if you don't mind, can you do one on Kirishima? Just the general headcanons, if this is too bothersome then you can ignore this once again- thank you
Just general headcanons you say? Okay, I had this written 2k words in before I got this ask and now it's at... ehem, let me take a deep breath for this;
Word count: 3.5k 💀 [of HCs 💀💀💀]
Why do I keep doing this to myself aksdjkd I love Kiri so much, my god! Thanks for the ask!! 💗
[ Masterlist ]
Hybrid!AU Kirishima Eijirou HCs
× i mentioned him as a dog hybrid and we're sticking with it because it just feels right, yano? anyway!
× you found out about how the new hybrid shelter in your city helped bust a fighting ring
× which was horrifying to think about
× one of your friends explained the process to you and you were definitely interested in helping someone out
× shelters were still underfunded and didn't provide much to help the hybrids adapt to society
× so you found yourself in front of the shelter without a plan
× just a dream and a spare couch that could thankfully convert into a bed
× before you could chicken out you stormed through the doors like a mad person, catching the attention of the guards and the front desk man
× it surprised you how disinterested they were though; were they seriously the people that dismantled a whole illegal fighting ring?
× they called a sweet old lady to accompany you
× when you explained your situation her eyes sparkled, looking you up and down and nodding her head
× she took you through some hallways, showing you around the precinct, questioning you about what type of hybrid you'd want
× to which you honestly didn't know how to respond, like anyone you could help????
× it kinda pissed you off how she spoke about the hybrids like they were pets, suggesting you'd get a kitty or a bunny, since [her words] they were low maintenance
× is this really a good shelter?
× you looked around, finding prison like cells left and right, some with people that looked at you curiously, some covering from your glance
× they were locked in...
× some growling could be heard far away but the woman shook her head at you, disapproving gaze turned to the side as she took you further into the building
× another room, this time cells were bigger, a few occupied, yet covered from you, indiferent and uninterested
× a man was sitting on the edge of the bed, hands in his hair
× "Kirishima, boy, get up to greet someone"
× his red eyes snapped up, whatever he was thinking about slowly forgotten
× he blinked curiously as you hugged your frame, feeling uncomfortable, even ashamed to be there
× but a sweet smile took over his features
× "Hey! I'm Kirishima Eijirou!"
× it's really all it took for you to grow fond of him; he got up and came closer to the entrance of the cell and introduced himself in such easy-going manner you forgot about everything and anything
× he calmed you with his presence, even if it was very disheveled, with old ripped clothes and hair messy, painted red with obvious dark roots showing
× he had a black fluffy tail waving slowly behind him too
× you introduce yourself with his encouragement and mumbled how you wanted to help someone out today
× he just smiled at you, taking you in
× let me tell you something about dog hybrids: they can sense emotions and intentions so Kiri would be a very good judge of character and he really, genuinely took a liking on you
× the problem is how the fuck do you say out loud that you wanted to help him out
× because you sure as hell weren't going to say you'd adopt him; he's not a child? we're talking about a grown ass man here? literally looked like 6'4ft/1.95m?????
× it was so shameful, your gut turned as you cursed society and he sensed it, expression changing, falling a little as he saw you look very out of place
× "Hey, hey, everything's gonna be fine!" he said
× he told YOU that
× instead of YOU telling HIM those words;;; you almost burst into ugly crying, forgetting about everything else, your minuscule problems or shame or whatever and just nodded at him
× "Would you like to come home with me, Kirishima?" you said, ignoring the happy clapping the old lady was doing, watching carefully how his expression, clear as water, switched from easy-going and reassuring to shocked then hopeful
× "I'd like that" he breathed out "—a lot."
× as you went out the lady was telling him it was a shame they separated his group of friends, something about being sent to different shelters, how he had to be a good boy, to behave, yada-yada and seriously;;; he was taking it so lightheartedly, as if he was so used to this behavior or even was thankful for it?
× it was starting to get annoying, specially when they gave you a collar for him, like no fucking thanks, but you'd take care of it later
× since it was very random and unplanned, you were making mental gymnastics to figure out what to get and what to do first, like clothes, food—
× journey home was pleasant as he walked close to you, asking you questions about yourself with a gentle smile on his features
× meanwhile people got out of both your ways because he was intimidating and big and large but his smile screamed sunshine
× all while he never really mentioned anything about himself
× you made a point to ask him if he was hungry, to grab a quick bite at any restaurant you could get at then go buy some clothes and necessities
× you were so casual and this guy was so shocked
× i swear, looks at you blinking stupidly then ✨beams✨
× spoiler alert; big boy was hungry
× it didn't matter honestly, just seeing him eat without a worry [even if everyone at the restaurant was wary of him but got a stink eye from you] was a relief
× since you answered his questions about you, you decided to ask some about him; you were going to be roomies soon so might as well get to know each other
× shocked again
× stops mid-bite when you ask him something and stares wide-eyed
× doesn't answer but you can see he wants to and you're confused??
× "did I—... did I say something wrong?" you'd press, scared you'd spook him away or something
× he just gulps down and looks ashamed
× casually tells you they've been told at the shelter owners don't care about them
× 🙃 say what now bby?
× he kinda starts apologizing because he understands why you wouldn't wanna know and you put your hand on his; kinda mutes him for a second
× "Kirishima, we're gonna live together and hopefully be friends in the process, right? I'd like to know about you, as much as you're willing to tell me"
× [ falls in love right then and there ]
× he's met humans before, many actually—
× even in the short weeks he's been at the shelter he's seen people come and go and none talked to him like you did
× stares with stars in his eyes and chuckles awkwardly, blush on his face
× "You're really nice, [Y/N]" he said before eagerly answering your questions; course, it leaves you confused lmfao but you brush past it
× okay! shopping next, long story short it was very hard to find hybrid clothes for his size so you pick to change human clothes and adjust them for him
× as you again mention this stuff casually he's just awestruck
× when you got home, bags in hand, you were explaining to him how you really didn't have much; you were working to get a promotion soon but for now you had a couch that could open up into a very comfy bed, which he assured you it was enough
× you were lowkey unsure if he fit it because like i mentioned, big boi is big
× he does! so that's a relief but you started considering giving him your bed; you mostly fell asleep on the couch anyway and to be fair, it was really comfortable and you mention it as he looks around
× his head snaps at you, wide eyed, yet does not talk
× so you ramble bc that's something fun to do! "I mean I went to the shelter without a plan and uh, I want you to feel as comfortable as possible and maybe the bed is a better fit and—"
× Kirishima Eijirou sees: 💕💞💕💞💕💞💕
× has never been treated like this, like he's an... equal... something he'll take months to share with you, but we're getting ahead of ourselves
× the thing is this boy will fall pretty hard pretty fast, but will definitely take time to make a move
× bc he is respectful
× so he thanks you for the offer and tells you it's probably the best place he slept in all his life
× can your heart stop breaking for him? i mean it's a good couch but it's no luxury hotel bed???
× [ we need to pause, OP made herself sad ]
× ok, so he's really helpful around the house, and he knows how to cook!
× takes no time to talk about his friends, special his best friend that cooked for everyone at the fighting ring and forced them all to help and that's how he was pretty decent at cooking himself
× wasn't the best though, but followed instructions like a boss
× he lives for your compliments
× literally his tail wiggles with no shame
× seriously;; tell him he did a good job even at the dumbest thing and—
× puffs chest
× wiggle-wiggle
× "Thanks!"
× 🥺💕💞 make him stop, he's so cute
× did i mention he has like floppy black ears? Omg his earsssssssssshnnngggggggggg
× because they move whenever he walks and they're mesmerizing
× and one day that you're observing them for science [not because your heart was like 💘pom-pom💘] you noticed his roots
× remember when your heart broke for him? hah, have some more because as you asked him, he started telling you that he was pushed into dying his hair red for the spectacle, diversity and what-not
× reassured you he grew to love it now, being part of who he is
× also gets a little bit shy when adding he wouldn't want to change the color in hopes of finding his friends someday and for him to be easily recognizable
× you bought him hair dye that same day
× WHICH! apart from gaining extra 🥺💕💞 from him, it created a nice routine between you two!!
× you offered to dye his hair and it was such a great time; he made you laugh, conversation going just as easy whenever you talked, you got to know each other a little bit more and—
× heh
× at the end, after applying all the red hair dye, you massaged his scalp gently
× guess who melts in your hands? yes, giant ass dog-man melts into a puddle under your hands and it's the cutest fucking thing you've ever seen
× I'm serious, he sighs and leans into your gloved hands with zero [0] shame, eyes closed and peaceful expression on his features apart from a small smile
× you tease him and he laughs it off, but promise him you'd give him head scratches when he was finished with the dye, washed off and hair dry
× and you better deliver
× "Don't think I forgot!" he'd say as he'd hop on his make-shift bed in the living room by your side, tail moving from side to side
× as you start playing with his locks, he falls into your lap and starts snoring
× move an inch and he opens his eyes to look at you confused
× puppy eyes questioning you if you're leaving 🥺
× yep, you fall asleep together
× you point out to yourself that those puppy eyes will be the death of you
× he's a touchy guy, okay? since he's been touchy with you from the very start you never questioned it, even read on the internet that many hybrids descended from house pets need physical affection, like hugs, pats, scratches, all the bag, so it wasn't a big deal for you
× except it was a big deal because he's been around for a month and you're already catching feelings and that's bad because you did not bring him there to fall for him but to help him start a new life and—
× oh my god, what if he thought you were one of those people from the horror stories about hybrid adoption that only wanted them for one thing—
× no, no, no, nO, NO.
× anxiety was getting to you as the guilt of catching feelings for him, plus the fact that he was financially dependant on you for the time which would've made it even worse if he found out, PLUS he comes from such a rough life, he definitely needs a break and doesn't need his first human friend in forever to be a piece of;;;
× Kiri catches on this really constant and increasing feeling of anxiety; he starts to send you worried glances but doesn't know how to proceed
× in such a soft voice he asks if you're okay, if something is on your mind
× and since you weren't sharing anything but acted as if everything was alright even when he felt you lied, Kiri started to get worried too
× why were you anxious? why weren't you talking to him about it?
× oh, god, was he a burden? because he felt like one;;; did you want him out? he felt like an extra weight for you and wanted to do something about it but maybe you got sick of him? he felt unmanly...
× the fact that he knew he cared about you as more than just a friend made him even more anxious and it didn't help that whenever he touched you he heard your breath hitch or your heart beating louder; he got his hopes up then down because
× you smelled like people; people he didn't know, people he wanted to know because he needed to know why did you smell like them? were they a treat? were they potential partners? he really did not want to ask bc Kirishima felt like it wasn't his place to know
× as tension grew in the house you decided to gift him a new phone, ready to give him some news that reached your ears
× it seems Kiri himself liked to do sports and mainly jog to keep himself active and he's started to pass by the local dog-park to play with the dogs
× imagine your surprise when a few neighbors asked you if he'd be willing to train their dogs bc he's been teaching them stuff like once a week and the dogs listened
× big time dog whisperer; he says "Sit" to one dog and all dogs in the neighborhood sit too, you get me?
× so you said it would be nice for him to have his own money; not like you didn't help him without care, but you saw his face every time you bought something for him and really felt like he needed some real independence
× he's in ✨awe✨ because you came up with clients already that were very eager for dog training sessions, which he loved??? and suggested hours, wages??????
× and you gave him this new phone to help him with it if he's interested too?
× "Well, the normal price on the internet around the area is—"
× "[Y/N]."
× "Hmm?"
× "You're really amazing, you know that, right?" he'd have his lips curled into a sweet smile
× which makes your heart go crazy and this man notices how you get flustered
× loves it
× get ready for compliments; a lot of compliments just expecting your sweet flustered reactions
× he's slow at realizing your feelings for him because he beats himself down and seems himself as less of a man but tests the waters nonetheless and a d o r e s every time you struggle to thank him for said compliments and don't know how to continue functioning
× catches on and gets his hopes up
× and so you do
× listen, this is hilarious because you're both dumb idiots and want to be respectful towards the other meanwhile he hugs you tighter and for a little bit too long, loving how you melt into him, kisses you on the cheek and sees you get all flustered, looks at you like you're the only one to ever matter until you stop talking, turning everything into a giant mess of silence until you both grin at each other???? I'm getting second-hand embarrassment, just kiss???????
× and it happened with an accidental kiss
× you greeted him as he walked through the door, excited to tell him about your promotion, rambling about the take-out you ordered while he smiled at you
× and it started to be usual for you to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, right? just what normal roomies do, you know [mhmm~]
× he's taking his shoes off and knows the kiss is coming, but just before you press it on his cheek you whisper/squeal "I got the promotion!" to which he turns his head in surprise at you making your lips press together by accident [mhhhmmmmm~~~]
× cue both of you apologizing, looking like a mess
× he's blushing
× you both loved it
× why are you standing so close to each other?
× why did he lick his lips in daze while staring at yours?
× which one of you was leaning in for another kiss?
× it didn't really matter because he's kissing you slowly, taking you into his arms like you were made of porcelain
× glues his body to yours and breathes you in, lips locked, neither believing it was real
× lifts you up in his arms with no difficulty and smiles, both inches separated from another; "Congratulations..." his breath would fan over your face;;;;
× yeah, okay, he takes no time to confess, resulting in a mess of manly words skdjekldj you guys talked that whole night while cuddling and stealing kisses, you on his lap
× [ his nose brushing your neck; he loves your scent omg ]
× it becomes official pretty much instantly and then all your worries wash away
× all the anxiety, all the stress and overthinking, they've all been sorted out in one night and trust me, afterwards this man is pure honesty and loyalty
× he won't hesitate to talk to you about anything and will be such a patient sweetheart with you, listening to every word you say without judgment
× loves cheesy stuff? as in the most cliché stuff seen in movies? that's his shit right there; whenever you two see each other after some time apart [sometimes 5 minutes apart] he'd pick you in his arms and spin you around, then expect you to kiss him
× if you don't, i will skfjdkfk step aside 👀
× skin contact; please, touch him
× if you're not he sends you those famous puppy eyes and we all know they're killer
× sighs, happy to hold you tight against him, engulfing you into his big frame; yeah, you're where you belong, in his arms.
× everyone in the neighborhood loves him; it's ridiculous, seriously, because you find out he helped around all the time when you were at work and gained everyone's love
× makes an instagram account to teach people how to train their dog and becomes an internet sensation, a small celebrity
× also bc he's hot and sometimes posts working out pics
× skdksjs imagine this: makes dinner for both of you, lits up some candles, goes all in, then fucking posts it on ig saying "waiting for my baby to come home #surprise" forgetting you can see it lmfao
× you see the story on your way home and 🥺💞 "ye i love his oblivious ass"
× soft gasps when you tell him after dinner
× has the audacity to be surprised, like babe????
× Kaminari finds him through social media and this baby cries in relief for a good half an hour
× both team up to find all the gang
× guess who talks praises about you all the time? mhm, this guy right here is proud to have you
× and Denki has to deal with it;
× anywho! want to break him for good? tell him you love him for the first time
× GETS. SO. EXCITED. AND. EMOTIONAL.
× but forgets how to speak
× finds his words to say it back after staring at you entranced, grinning like an idiot, taking you in his arms and giving you a bone crushing hug while shaking in place
× he's never felt this loved and adores every second of it
× you're like a drug and he's deep gone, man
× tells you he loves you every single day
#kirishima eijirou x reader#kirishima x reader#boku no hero academia#bnha#mha#noire writes#hybrid!au#hybrid!kirishima#kirishima headcanons#does anyone remember kirishima saying pompom? cuz it's been on my mind for hours and i love it
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Rattle can your rifle
This weeks post is going to be about rattle canning your rifles. In my opinion it’s one of the easiest and quickest ways to break up the figure somewhat of your rifle. I’m gonna show you how I like to do mine and how quick and easy the whole process is.
So to start off you’re gonna have to figure out what colors and what kind of pattern you want. The photo shows the different kinds of paints that I like to use. So you want some thing with a fairly flat finish that way you’re not getting a very glossy shiny finish that reflects Light easily. The pattern I like to do is very easy just a mesh piece that I use to break up the outline a little bit. You could use anything you could use mesh any other kind of fabric with holes in it you could buy the stencil kits and do a real camouflage pattern or you could just go outside pick up some leaves drop them on your rifle and start painting.
The prep work is going to be what either makes or breaks your finished product. I like to take out the bolt carrier group sometimes I’ll take the trigger out depending on what kind of trigger it is. And then tape the muzzle device. Depending on what your optics set up is you can either leave it on or take it off depending on what your idea is. Once you tape up what you want taped up and remove what you want removed I normally take a wax and grease remover and a microfiber towel and wipe down the entire surface as much as you can and then I repeat that same process two or three times to make sure every single piece of the rifle has be hit.
Next is the painting step. Normally I like to do three or four sections and I section it off by doing a 45° line vertically on the rifle. Look at the picture it’ll make more sense what I’m trying to say. And then once that sets up you go back with the mesh and the opposite color of that section and do your mesh coat. Once you’ve done the whole thing you’ve done your mash painting I normally like to look at the rifle see if there’s any spots I want to touch up maybe get a little more of the mesh to show up in certain areas. This is the part that is completely up to you.
Once you’ve done your painting I normally leave it alone for a couple hours to let it at least cure a little bit. Once I’m able to touch it then I’ll bring it inside let it sit inside for a couple days once you’ve done that then you can start throwing your stuff back on take the tape off throw your parts back in and then You should be good to go by then. Dry times are all relative to the weather your location how much paint used etc. Normally if you do this process you’ll have a nice paint job that will begin to wear on the touch points and overall it cost you just a few dollars in a little bit of your time. The nice part about doing the rattle Can method is you can go back if you want to change it or it’s began to wear off a lot more you can go back with a simple paint thinner or something equivalent and the spray paint method removes very easily and can be done again very easily.
So if you’re thinking about doing this to one of your rifles hopefully this helps you out this is the way I like to do it I’ve been doing it this way for a little while now and it’s always seem to work out very well for me. The cool part is the money you save doing this method you could put towards ammunition and go out and shoot your guns which is the real fun part.
Happy shooting!
Adam Jagger gun blog post #9 11-13-22
#brownells#bureauofpropaganda#gun review#ar 15 rifle#ar 15s#ar15build#ar15porn#edccarry#edccommunity#edcdaily#modlite#surefire#arisaka#eotech#geissele#geissele everything#unity tactical#rattlecan
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hihiihhuiiiii hello I’ve been wondering if I’m autistic since mid august and I wake up solely to consume knowledge about autism and I think that in itself is a sign because I believe this is a hyperfixation and I looooove psychology sm I’d consider it a special interest. I’m just rambling sorry- onto the list!!! 🤭
• SPECIAL INTERESTS: I absolutely have special interests specifically in psychology, ANY form of art (drawing, painting, movies, music, ETC.), nature, animals, and colors I guess?? That’s a new one but they’ve always fascinated me.
• sensory issues: ah yes, throwing a fit and crying because my church dress was too itchy. “It’s made of cotton???” I DONT CARE MOTHER, THE STITCHES ARE P A I N F U L. Strong smells and tastes/textures immediately overwhelm me, like head aches, gagging, flappy hands, body wiggle, sometimes crying. I seem to hear things that other people don’t ahahahhahahaha- I literally hate that blazing ball in the sky that we call the sun 👹 some days it’s burning my eye balls the next it’s not bright enough idk it’s weird
• echoing: I’m literally a human mocking bird. If you said something a certain way or someone on TV did then I am going to repeat it. It’s an uncontrollable action 💀
• stimming: I can and will break into song at any given moment, mostly physically but mentally if I have to (like in class). I will shake my leg, rock back & forth, chew the inside of my cheeks, flap my hands, aggressively wiggle my body, kick, compliment people or things if I feel like it. Bouncing and spinning too <33
• hyperfixations: I’ve had like a billion of these and they vary with how long they last. Could be hours, days, weeks, months, and years if I’m lucky. I will consume every thing I can about it and sacrifice my sleep for it. I love buying merchandise like FUNKO POPS!!!!!!!!! I only have one but I’m trying to expand my collection.
• social interactions: ARE FUCKING EXHAUSTING. When I first learned what masking was I had an identity crisis realizing that I have no real sense of self because I’m just MIRRORING PEOPLE. ALL THE TIME!!!!!!! I’ve always felt like everyone was better at socializing, and that I “missed that class” as if it really is a class. In elementary school it was awful, I was so obsessed with mine and other people’s behavior, and I was very sensitive and judgmental. I started doing that because when I tried to be myself I got bad reactions, so masking was kinda like a safety blanket, a very unhealthy and depressing safety blanket. However, thanks to the internet and probably a cartoon, I realized it’s better be myself so I started doing that…but only with people I’m close with. Which is two people (not including family members), another autistic person and the “quiet kid”. I still mimic other people, but now I’m just very passive and quiet to hopefully avoid social interaction as much as I can.
• eye contact: I can maintain it…I guess. When I think about doing it, it’s either very excessive or just “yikes eye contact im gonna look at their hands, the wall, or literally anything but their eyes” ahahahwhhsha
• social rules: I’ve never really understood these but I thought I would get in trouble or something if I didn’t do them.
• development stuff: according to my mother, I hit all of my milestones on time but I was a very quiet baby and I knew how to self soothe since birth, idk if that has anything to with autism but yeah. I sucked my thumb and used sippy cups until I was like 8-9. Apparently I was the only one that liked Frozen after age 7. Anyways
• rules: I was a snitch in elementary and people did NOT like that. I told my mom about it and she explained to me that “there’s just some things you don’t tell on people for” and it stuck with me for the rest of my life. Now that I’m a teenager I have trouble accepting that I can’t be in control of my own life 👹 I lie a lot with is normally not on autistic trait but I do it out of fear of punishment…pretty sure that’s normal.
• executive functioning: my executive functioning skills are such ass that I literally can’t function EXCEPT ORGANIZATION. I LOOOOOVEEEEE organizing and will GLADLY take time out of my day to organize things. When my mom is waiting in line for groceries, I’m happily sorting out the candy and making sure it looks nice and goes where it belongs. Ironically, my room usually ends up as an absolute mess but I like cleaning it.
• I don’t always understand sarcasm, it has to be a phrase I’m used to or said with an extremely obvious tone otherwise I won’t get it…I think.
• repetitive noises make my want to tear my brain in half…LOL!!
• I remember when I finally started being myself and suddenly I was “too much” for everyone. I had low empathy, no filter, very blunt, and SOOOOO much stimming.
OKAY I think im done, I’ll lost more about it later.
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Okay!!! Feeling sad!!! Because I just got my mom some miscellaneous crafts at Michael’s!!! Because she’s going to be in the hospital for a while!!! And I don’t want her to get bored!!! And I want her to have both some mindless stuff to do while she does chemo and some kind of harder stuff to do when she feels up to it!!!
It’s definitely some kind of glioblastoma/cyst combo (according to the doc’s preliminary results, because again, biopsy isn’t going to come back until next week), but she’s feeling fine so far…
Except she’s like very unstable on her feet and keeps falling or almost falling and losing her balance and is in complete denial about how dangerous it could be or how unstable she really is, so other than her nurse-accompanied walks around the floor, I feel like it would be best if she had some crafts to encourage just sitting in a chair and like, doing a paint by numbers of the Eiffel Tower (with almost 2000 spaces to be painted in. Hopefully it’ll take a while.)
And because she instilled a love of pens in me I’m going to go to target and get her favorite kind of mass-market pen, and I also got her markers and colored pencils for an adult coloring book and a new notebook
I WOULD LIKE MY MOM TO RETURN TO HIKING AND WHATEVER AND ALSO BE ABLE TO HAVE THE WINE I BROUGHT BACK FROM FRANCE FOR HER AND STUFF BECAUSE ALL OF THAT WOULD MEAN THAT SHE IS NOT IN THE HOSPITAL WITH A BRAIN TUMOR THAT COULD KILL HER AND CAME CLOSE TO DOING SO ALREADY
But in the meantime we’ve got lots of fine motor skill encouraging crafts, ranging from “detail paintbrush” to “coloring backgrounds” so like. Uh. Scalable progress each way can be done, I guess
And after target I need to go to the grocery store to get prescriptions because otherwise I will absolutely forget.
#this is the real reason I can’t be an SLP#if I had to sit with patients with unknown status who could change day to day FOR MY JOB??? I would go nuts#I could not. sorry society.#it’s probably different when it’s a family member which is why you can’t treat your own family members if you’re a doctor#(is it the same for SLPs? idk!)#but still
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