#but honestly........ did she not consider she could adjust HER communication style

[autobahnmp3]

im actually so sad rn and im gonna be PISSED in abt 24h

[paper--moons]

CG!Diego Hargreeves Headcanons

Now, Diego didn't exactly have what one would call a typical childhood. Powers aside, his father barely had anything to do with any of them if it wasn't related to official Umbrella Academy business (whether it be training assessments or press conferences). However, he did have what he believes to be the best mom a boy could ask for. She was patient with him and showed him the affection he needed; despite being a robot, she was more human to him than his father ever was. So, Diego heavily bases his caregiving style around one question: what would Mom do? He wants to make sure he's doing right by his little one, just like how his mom did right by him.

For him, caregiving is a safe way to express his own vulnerability with another person. Diego allows himself to be soft for the first time in a long time, and for once doesn't find himself in a constant competition to prove himself. His little one believes that he's enough, that he's good enough and it's honestly such a big relief for him. He's spent his whole life trying to be wanted and needed—to have earned being somebody's number one—so to have someone else give that so freely? Almost feels too good to be true; it's yet another reason that Diego wants to be his best self for them.

While this "best self" of his largely the same (because Grace did a good job raising him), there are a few noticeable differences. One of those differences has to do with patience. He'll be the first one to admit he can be a bit more than impatient at times. When it comes to them however? He's the most patient person there is. Diego knows that kids, especially little kids, need time—time to adjust, or process, or understand, or explain. Sometimes it takes a minute for whatever reason! And he's nothing but encouraging, helping them find their words (or communicating in other means, should it be a nonverbal day for them). This seemingly new found level of patience bleeds into the time he isn't caregiving as well (which surprises everyone, himself included).

And it's no secret that he might not be the greatest when it comes to talking about feelings, either. But that's with his feelings. Diego puts in a lot more effort to understand their feelings and help them work through them, should the need arise. He remembers that his mom would prompt him with certain questions, sometimes just simple yes or no questions, until reaching the heart of the problem. He follows that same method, and even remembers that he's supposed to relate something back to them. So that they know they aren't alone, that it's okay to feel the way they do. That vulnerability is in turn rewarded, helping both them and himself.

One of his favorite things to do is read to them. He remembers plenty of cozy nights where Grace would read to him, while also encouraging him to read certain passages along with her. And while Diego knows that that was largely to help improve his speech, he can't help but associate the activity with good memories, the kind that are soft and warm and comforting. So even though his regressor may not need the same sort of help he did, he still thinks it's a nice bonding activity. Especially on days where they're at their smallest; they can snuggle up with a bottle of warm milk and listen to him read until they drift off into a comfortable sleep, drooling on his chest long before he manages to reach the book's end.

Try as he might, Diego just isn't the homemaker that his mom was quite literally programmed to be. That is to say, the homemade favorites from his childhood that he tries to recreate special for his little one? Turn out to be less than successful, always coming out a little off and not like how he remembers them tasting (despite using his mom's recipe cards). Though it's frustrating, his little one doesn't seem to mind too much, not knowing and being unable to tell the difference like he can. Although Diego does consider himself lucky that they like dino nuggets and mac and cheese so much, because that one he can totally do on his own and knows it turns out right.

Diego would want to introduce their small side to his siblings at some point. They are a major part of his life after all, as is being a cg, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to show off how adorable they can be. But he's hesitant, given that they are. You know. His siblings, who have always had a penchant for trouble. But his little one is insistent and he can't say no to them, not when they give him the puppy dog eyes. Diego is clearly protective of them and is on the defensive because of that protective streak, but he doesn't need to worry. They're all just as ready to spoil their brother's kiddo as he is. Plus they recognize that this whole being a cg thing is good for Diego and can see the positive changes in him because of it.

[violetueur-archive]

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG FANDUB STARTERS » ACCEPTING

@tvrningout​​ asked:  “ sorry for hitting you so much, it’s just part of the narrative. ” from demon kaigaku perhaps? these are sending me btw--

❝ I mean, it was a GOOD PLAN... but did you really have to go so hard? ❞ The words come out as a childish whine as Nicolette nurses the wound on her side, pressing a hand to the bandages under her uniform top. The hands holding her thighs adjust a bit as the body under her moves, lifting her a little to get a better hold that will be more comfortable for them both, but all the jostling forces another pained moan from her lips and her arms tighten around his neck— she almost considers choking him at this point, but then she feels his grip tighten just a fraction, and she can tell he feels guilty. ❝ It was a great plan, actually. We totally had that fucker fooled— they didn’t know what hit them! Literally! ❞ She manages to cackle at the recollection, though it cuts off quickly into a wet cough that forces her to settle down. It had been her idea, honestly, so she can’t blame him too much. In fact, he hadn’t seemed all that eager at the suggestion as she might’ve expected him to, which only really served to speak volumes about the current state of their relationship.

It was simple. The demon they’d been tasked to kill was known to be quite crafty, rarely showing themselves to anyone. They must've had some kind of ability to hide, and only appeared to snatch a meal before they were gone again. She’d tried for days to catch the fucker in the act while her partner stayed behind to intercept, but she’d had no luck. So Nicolette decided the best way to get it out of hiding... was to lure it into a trap! And how would one do that? By making it look like they had the upper hand! Kaigaku had fallen easily into his role of evil-demon-defeating-slayer, and Nicolette had accepted her position as the slayer being beaten. Literally. They had to make it look real, so he’d had to injure her a little during their mock fight where he was apparently getting the upper hand. 

After that... the rest was history, as they said! The creature, tempted by the prospect of consuming a slayer, and feeling confident with the presence of a fellow demon, revealed themselves without much hesitation. The moment it had... it was dead. All pretense of hatred between them was gone, and they’d fallen back into their usual routine— being absolute fucking badasses! Nicolette and Kaigaku worked in tandem together, not even needing to communicate verbally to behead the pesky bastard that had evaded them for so many nights. It would’ve been a flawless job well done, if it hadn’t been for the gash on her waist that had steadily began to leak blood— an injury that he noticed first, both because he could smell it, and because her breathing style revolved around numbing her pain to focus. She’d promptly thrown a fit about how he’d actually hurt her, and continued to chew his ear off even as she’d forced him to bandage it, and then some more when she’d insisted he carry her on his back because it hurt to walk.

So... they find themselves here, walking through the woods to the next safe house, as the slayer moans and groans about how cruel her demon is to her. ❝ But you totally did this on purpose— is this revenge for me telling people that I walk you on a leash? I mean, I’m sorry I guess, but it’s totally hilarious! And you definitely owe me for this! ❞

[cyndecreativity]

Day 3 - Spoiled for Choice

Duel – Lazy Sundays – “I’ve waited for this”

Sometimes having too much time can be a bad thing. Alden finds himself unable to make a choice about how to enjoy his first day off from Royal Hero Responsibilities.

~1350 words

---

Idania stepped softly, carefully, and smiled to Alden as she placed a tray of hot beverages on the table. He leaned forward to take his off the tray against her protest and moved it to his lips. A hiss escaped him and he returned it to the table, now free of the tray, before leaning back again.

“What is on the agenda today, kelara?” Idania absently flipped the tray up and almost tucked it under her arm, an automatic movement. She blinked and leaned the tray against the side of her chair instead.

Alden shrugged. “It’s been quite a while since I’ve had peace in my life. Always one crisis or another around every bend, bends that I have to keep travelling around. Ugh, I hate travel.”

She blew over her tea. “I thought you loved to travel. You always want to go see new cities and old ruins and such.”

His tail flopped over the edge of the chair as he fell against the back. “No! I mean, yes! I love that kind of traveling, the exploration. I hate having to travel, especially on foot, for hours and days on end.”

Porcelain clinked softly. “But don’t you also hate staying in one place for too long?”

He sagged, his face scrunched angrily. “Yes.”

She pushed air through her nose as a chuckle. “Sounds to me like you’re just tired, highness. Everyone deserves a good break.”

His brow lifted. “But for how long? Won’t I be needed back in the capital at some point?”

Idania’s tail stiffened slightly and she nodded. “You are, indeed, due back in the capital, but not for at least a few months. Right now, you are allowed a respite for the months leading up to the Scorpio Festival, in which you will be expected to perform the duties typically placed on your brother, as he is anticipated to still be in recovery.”

“I wonder what I should do.” His red eyes roamed the ceiling as he thought.

“Enjoy your lazy Sunday?” offered Idania as she took another sip of her tea.

“Hm.” His tail bobbed absently. “Feels wrong to do nothing. You understand, don’t you?”

She chuckled again. “I do. I spent years being unable to rest, serving the-.” She cleared her throat. “But that is precisely why I usually have ways to fill my time off. I spent so much time without any… time, that even when I am spoiled for choice, I can find something to commit myself to.”

He rolled his head to look at her over his cheeks. “What did you plan to do today?”

Her eyebrows raised. “Me? Depending on what you wanted to do, I had plans to read any number of the books in the library. Perhaps do a bit of journaling to chronicle our adventure. Maybe even pen some letters to our companions. I’m sure Gary would like to know about my progress with the Water Spirit. Whenever I got hungry, I intended to visit the kitchens and try a new recipe with the cooks. And if there’s still time, I suppose I could do a bit of exercise, testing out the magic that Spirit has gifted me with.”

Alden’s head rolled with a sound of disgust at almost every suggestion. The only ones that warranted a curious hum being the cooking and the exercise. His head and tail lifted at the exercise. “Exercise? You plan to exercise?”

Another small clink. “I have been told it is important for my health, and the health of the Spirit.”

His eyes narrowed in thought. She took another sip of the tea, her lips smacking at the heat of it. Reading held little enjoyment for him. He could draw, he supposed, if she read or wrote, but with the damage to his right hand, he had very little interest in the learning process in drawing with his left. He could still fight, however.

“How about we exercise together?”

She choked on her tea. “Highness?”

“Not like that!” Lewd ideas flashed in his mind and he considered them with a grin. “Well, maybe like that. For later. But I meant we could exercise together! It’s good for you, right?”

She took a slow breath, cheeks red. “I… I suppose. But our exercises take on very different forms. I have to meditate and practice communicating with the Spirit so that our intentions and thoughts are one. And you… would do best with a partner to spar or someone to go through the forms with. Different styles and all.”

His tail segments clacked together. “Then let’s duel.”

The teacup shifted from her hands to the table between them. “Duel. You want to duel? Me?”

Red eyes roamed her features, the puzzled and almost hurt expression. They fought beside each other in so many battles, relied on each other. She kept him and the others alive most of the time, by distracting the enemy or healing their wounds afterwards, sometimes even during. Suddenly the idea of fighting her seemed less than enjoyable.

He slumped back into the comfortable chair and pulled his feet up onto the cushion. “Yeah, you’re right.”

A relieved sigh left her. “Well, we are in Lotuserna. We could send for someone else to come visit and help with your desire to fight.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh yeah? Like who?”

She inhaled and her eyes roamed a bit as she searched her thoughts. “Ah… I believe Master Billy has been left here, but he’s doing questionably well. Master Gary is here as well, of course. Tristan is still stuck in Nashira, Andre is busy in Spica Virginis, but Sophie is here in Lotuserna while he’s getting the revolution handled and Valash is staying with her.”

The prince shot up at the mention of his oldest friend. “Valash?” He attempted to modulate his tone for casual interest, but his stinger quivered over his head.

She chuckled. “I’ll get a message over to the Suaveterre residence then, shall I?”

“Maybe I’ll head over there. We haven’t really been to the Virgo estate, yet, have we?” He stood and started out of the room.

“Coffee.”

A groan escaped him and he flumped back into the chair.

---

A few hours later, a Virgo servant opened the door to greet them into the Virgo Manor. Alden strode through the door, well-equipped with a bag over his shoulder. Idania bow-nodded to the servant, another behavior automatic to her from her previous professions. She clutched the strap of her own bag, lighter than Alden’s, that clinked a bit as she walked. The servant girl wandered off to alert the woman of the house that she had guests.

“I still don’t know why you wanted to carry the books, highness. I’m not entirely certain they are heavier than the weapons.” Idania adjusted the weight of her bag and whispered to the prince.

He wandered to look at a painting in the foyer. “Honestly, I would’ve taken them both if you hadn’t insisted.”

She sighed heavily. “Your mother made it very clear that you were to cover your right arm, and I don’t want either of us in trouble because you don’t want to.”

He turned around to her, sorrow in his brow. “Idania-“

“What’re you doing here?” A scratchy male voice drifted across the foyer.

Alden brightened. “Valash! You’re here!”

A slight shade of red found the half-breed’s ears. “What are you so happy about?”

Idania adjusted the weight of her bag, causing the clinking again. Alden dropped the bag of books in the foyer and reached out his left hand, the other wrapped in an elegantly embossed leather sling. Idania relinquished the bag of weaponry.

“I came to request your assistance in a delicate matter, old friend.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a dagger. “I’ve come to ask for a duel.”

Feathers rustled and Valash’s eyes drifted to the steel. For a moment, his features struggled to maintain some semblance of disdain or disinterest, a fight he quickly abandoned in favor of a toothy grin. “I’ve been waiting for this.”

[averagesmw]

Penny Haywood x MC- Experience (4/4)

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this special! See you soon!

Game: Harry Potter Hogwarts Mystery

____________________

There was always something about a village that helped it stand out from a landscape and earn a smile from one, even if one had never been there before

Maybe it was the way the houses looked, stuck in time without showing signs of decay

Or perhaps it was the way the people behaved, so polite and welcoming that even a stranger could feel as if they had lived amongst them for years

Regardless of what it was, there was no denying that the atmosphere was unmatched. Such was the ambiance of the village that Penny and Y/N were visiting as requested by her mother

Unfortunately, Beatrice fell ill due to the food they ate last night. Nothing too severe, but a few ingredients would help to make a potion for her

Penny took the opportunity to give the curse-breaker a tour around the place, with her holding their hand the entire time...not that they minded, of course

The village's colors were different in the afternoon, with oranges, purples, and pinks bouncing off the buildings to set a serene tone

"And here we are. This is the place where we get most of our ingredients. The quality is amazing!"

They stopped at a small, wooden store. It looked a bit old, but certainly stood the test of time

When they stopped, an old woman came out and smiled

"Good morning, Penny. It's always a pleasure to see you around here"

"Likewise, Madam Clarke!" She answered, ever so cheerful

Then, the woman's attention turned to you, with an intrigued look to her

"And who this might be?"

"Y/N L/N, I go to the same school as Penny. A pleasure to meet you"

They greeted the woman with a hint of formality, they didn't know how Penny's relationship with these people was, after all

"Is that so? You two seem to be getting along quite nicely" She chuckled to herself after saying that

That's when They remembered, neither of them let go of the other's hand

Being too embarrassed to say anything, Penny just let go

"Anyhow, what can I get you?"

"The things in this list, please"

Penny handed her a paper with the ingredients written in it. Fortunately, the woman didn't see her blushing while doing so

Without further due, Madam Clarke left to get the objects, leaving the two teenagers to chat for a bit

"...So, how are you finding this village so far, Y/N?"

They turned to see Penny smiling once again, almost as if she was using them as an escape from that embarrassing moment seconds ago

"It's amazing, it reminds me of the first time I saw Hogsmeade"

The blonde found herself nodding at this

"I know, right? This place is just so charming. That's why we come here every chance we get"

"It does wonders to help the mood. No wonder you always return so happy for the next year"

This earned a laugh from Penny, who just shook her head

"Well, it's also because I get to see you, Y/N. That is always something to look forward to"

Y/N smiled fondly at this. Truth to be told, there were many reasons to either look forward to or dread the return to Hogwarts every year

The obvious reason to fear would've been the curses going around every single year, until this one, that is

However, one reason to look forward to it was to spend time with friendly faces once again, even appreciate them a bit more after being on their own for a while

"There you go. This should be everything" Madam Clarke made her way back to the counter

She handed Penny a bag and she saw the content to check if everything was in order and upon confirming it, she handed her a couple of coins

"Thank you, Madam Clarke!"

She turned around and motioned Y/N to come with her. Upon exiting that business, however, the blonde noticed something, she even stopped walking because of it

"Penny? Is everything alright?" Out of instinct, Y/N had their wand at the ready

"Absolutely, I just noticed how different the center of the village looks. It's so festive!"

Y/N let out a sigh of relief when they heard this, then proceeding to look into the reason for this

"Perhaps they are preparing something?"

"Could be..." She pondered before looking at a person walking nearby

"Excuse me, what are the decorations for?"

"We've decided on preparing a small outdoors celebration this year! To keep the spirit as jolly as it can" The man announced proudly, but this answer also sparked curiosity in Penny's eyes

"An outdoors celebration? You mean with dancing too?"

"You bet! Make sure you bring your sweetheart. It's going to be brilliant"

With that, the man left to attend his own business. While Y/N was glaring at him for calling them that, Penny was already tending to thousands of ideas in her mind

Before Y/N could ask about it, she turned around and grabbed both of their hands, sporting a bright smile as well

"This is wonderful! What better to show you how magical this place is than with a festival!"

They didn't even have time to say anything due to Penny hugging them tightly. It was commonly known that Penny Haywood adored these types of events

But there was something about this one that just felt so different. It only made sense, this was the first time that Y/N had seen a Muggle community like this one

"Come on, we have to tell my mum about this!"

And so, the young Haywood practically dragged them back to the small house, where she delivered the big news to her family

"A festival, you say? That would explain why the village looked so different this time"

Mr. Haywood stated while picking up the ingredients Penny had brought them and put them on the counter for his wife

"I'm afraid we can't, we have to tend to Bea until she recovers"

Her statement saw itself defied by the voice of the patient herself. Beatrice looked as if she had a cold, yet she was in her pajamas standing in the middle of the hall

... honestly, not her best look

"I... told...you I'm... fine"

"What are you doing out of bed? You'll catch a cold like that!"

Her dad rushed in and gently took her back to her room, making her mum sigh in annoyance

But that's when she got an idea just by looking at the two teenagers standing in the living room

Penny looked so eager to go to this event, while Y/N seemed to be quite distraught by Beatrice's problem

They had already done their part by bringing supplies, and playing nurse wasn't a way to spend the holidays, was it?

"I have an idea, why don't you two go to the festival for us? You earned it"

The moment she heard this, the stars in her daughter's blue eyes began to shine once again with excitement, making her chuckle at this

"Really?"

"Consider it my Christmas gift to you two"

She winked at the couple. Penny ran towards her for a hug, one that she eas quick to return

"Thank you so much!"

It was cute to see the blonde get so excited for this, but when recalling events like the Celestial Ball or the festival at Hogwarts, it was difficult for the heart not to start racing as well

This is when Y/N realized something. They've had fun dancing before with Penny and the rest of the school

But this time, it was a festival just for the two of them. No distractions or obstacles, or even multiple crushes to balance out

Just fun with a single person, Penny

"Do you have something to wear for the dance, Y/N?"

Her sweet voice made them snap out of their thoughts and when remembering the question, the student gave her a confident smirk

"Absolutely, I have just the outfit for this. Just leave it to me"

...

Two hours later

"I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR, I AM DOOMED"

Y/N walked through the room back and forth, their clothes all scattered around, a faithful reflection of their mind currently

The curse-breaker had packed their things when they left Hogwarts, but none of the clothes they brought would help them look good enough for this dance! They'd stand out like a stain on a white sheet

They had spent hours upon hours trying to find something decent for this event, not just regular clothes switched up to look like something new

It's not that they would know that they'd need a special outfit, but they couldn't afford to go and buy one. There was no time left

Not good, not good

"Think, what would Andre do?"

They stopped to look at the room before facepalming

"Probably yell at me for having my clothes like this"

Groaning in defeat, Y/N sat back on the bed

"This was going so well..."

However, as their frustration threatened to take over, they managed to see something in their suitcase, something that wasn't there before

"What the...?"

Y/N directed their attention to this and brought the suitcase closer to them and what they saw caught them off-guard by sure

It was another set of clothes, perfectly folded so that they weren't perceivable unless every other piece of clothing was taken out before

Y/N recognized this as one of the outfits Andre had styled for them. But how? It wasn't there when they put their clothes in the suitcase before

That's when they spotted a small note attached to the outfit

"You might need it. Good luck!"

- Tulip &, Chiara

"Pd. You ought to tell me all about your trip when you get back,!"

-Alanza <3

Y/N didn't know if they should laugh at this or question how did the girls manage to sneak in this outfit without them noticing. Regardless, they were beyond grateful for their friends at this moment

Without wasting another second, they grabbed the outfit and tried it on. It looked elegant enough to notice that it wasn't just a make-shift outfit, but not too extravagant either

They couldn't recall the last time they had worn those clothes, but it didn't matter now, for it was perfect!. They made a note to themselves to thank the girls when they saw them again

Minutes after making the final adjustments to the outfit, there was a knock on the door

"Y/N? Are you ready?"

Penny's voice could be heard from the other side. But this time, the teenager had an answer to it

"Absolutely, I'm coming out"

Without further due, they left their room with a confident smirk, sure to look their best for the night

But when they stopped to look at the blonde in front of them, Y/N was left speechless

A yellow tiered ruffle skirt hugged her waist and part of her legs, contrasting with a cute black top that highlighted her two necklaces, and to top it all off, a french braid resting on her side. As if she wasn't breathtaking enough, her smile was what sent Y/N over the edge

However, they weren't the only ones in awe of what they were seeing, for Penny too was beyond impressed by the way their partner looked tonight. Even if they were amazed by the other, they couldn't bring themselves to look at each other in the eye without ending up like a tomato

"P-Penny! You look brilliant"

Y/N was the first one to break the ice, earning a smile from her

"You too, Y/N, I...wow"

She tried her best to remain her friendly self but found herself staring even against her own

"Awww look at you two! Let me take a picture!"

Penny's mum rushed off to get her camera, leaving the two teenagers on their own. However, watching the woman's reaction helped the teens to ground themselves a bit in reality and thus, laughing  at what had just happened

Of course, they still thought about how good the other looked, but they could at least get a hold of themselves now and look at one another without exploding with emotions immediately as a child would

And so, after getting their photograph taken, Penny and Y/N left the building, now greeted by the nocturnal sky and a breeze of cold air. In the distance, the lights of the village could be seen waiting or them, their colors so warm and festive

"I can't believe it, a festival just for us!"

Then, she looked at Y/N with her usual smile

"This is going to be incredible"

Just as Penny regained her excitement, so did Y/N's confidence returned and showed so by extending a hand to their partner for the evening

"Then let's check this festival together, shall we?"

At first, the blonde was caught off-guard by this gesture, like a knight in shining armor coming for her, requesting for her hand, hers

Words couldn't describe how lucky she felt to be the one looking at this, but that was okay, her actions would suffice. With a proud smirk, she reached out for their hand as well

"Yes, let's"

...

As soon as they stepped into the village, they were blown away by what they were seeing. The decorations made the place feel even more alive than it was before and as the moonlight shined upon it, the festive lights highlighted this atmosphere

Smiles could be seen everywhere they looked. From the elderly to the children, everyone seemed to be having a great time

"A gift for the young couple"

A woman approached them with flower bracelets for both, placing them gently on their hands

They accepted the gift but were certainly surprised by it too. Mainly to be called a couple, but to be fair, there was no point in arguing against it now

"It's...comfy!" Penny stated while adjusting hers

"How does it look on me?"

She turned to take a good look at the new accessory in Y/N's head and she giggled

"It looks adorable"

Without further due, the duo continued to explore the festival. It had amazing  food, fun games the likes of which Y/N had never seen before, and even a place to take pictures with someone

Being that last part what caught their eye the most. It wasn't often that they were able to take pictures together, after all

They took a couple of photos. If there was any doubt as to whether Y/N smiled at all that year or not, one would only need to look at those items

With the same jolly attitude, they kept exploring what the festival had to offer, and that's when they reached the center of the village

The people were gathering around a wooden stage, where an old man was giving an announcement

"Friends, I know you're all as anxious about the dance as I am, so I will keep this short"

They stepped back into the stage, motioning to it

"The dance will welcome all who want to participate, but only one couple will be crowned tonight! And your cheers will help us decide who that is!"

The people cheered as some of them walked onto the stage with their couple, eager to dance

When this happened, Penny's blue orbs sparkled with excitement as she looked back at Y/N

"Can we participate? Can we?"

They couldn't help but chuckle at her kid-like eagerness but found themselves nodding too

After fending off a dragon, Acromantulas, and even Dark Wizards, Y/N L/N had grown much more confident, so dancing in a festival with Penny didn't seem to be a challenge too big

However, this one was a far more likable challenge than those others

"Of course we can. Let's show them!"

The young lady guided them to the stage, where they found a spot to dance right in the middle of it all

"Alright everyone, let's begin!"

The musicians started playing their entrancing melody, inviting everyone who heard it to dance. The violins and even the piano gave it a distinct sound

(Think of something like this if you want)

                          Y/N's right hand made its way to Penny's waist as hers fell on their shoulder and their left hands intertwined shortly after and their eyes, fixed in one another's

The music slowly picked its pace and the couple began to move together, first left, then right and left one more time, starting slowly and with a gentle tone

When the time came, Y/N raised their hand and allowed Penny to twirl, swiftly stepping back so that she and her partner were in front of each other, still dancing

The people clapped in unison as they started to tap the floor following the rhythm of the music, dancing and jumping in place without losing sight of the floor either

The way they moved was akin to the music of another time, yet with the same life and energy

Soon, laughter and smiles would come from both of the teenagers as they lost themselves to this cheerful music and even clapped with the crowds before switching partners

Never before had Y/N felt so free. No responsibilities or problems, nothing was wrong with the world, nothing needed fixing

It was just them, the music and Penny

And that was all they needed

This intoxicating happiness quickly took over them, and regardless of how long it would last, they would cherish every second of it

And so they danced, jumped around in place, and even formed circles with the other dancers until eventually, they made their way back to Penny herself

Once again, they intertwined their hands as they began to move in synchrony, twirling and dancing in circles without letting go

The violins helped their moves, guiding every step of theirs until suddenly... They were inches away from each other, they could feel the other's breath and all they could see was the other's face as they regained their breath, but most importantly, they smiled at each other

They genuinely smiled

Penny pushed their bodies closer to each other, the curse-breaker took the hint, held the blonde's waist, and spun them around, much to her surprise

Both laughed at this until Y/N was holding Penny's back, keeping her from falling as she cupped their cheek in return, and finally, they sealed the moment with a long-awaited kiss

Y/N found themselves closing their eyes to shut the world out the moment their lips met hers

The soft taste of her honeyed lips was far sweeter than any treat the curse-breaker ever got, and the wait only made them better

As they slowly separated their lips, they could only stare at each other in disbelief of what just happened

"Penny..." Was all they could mutter and yet, that was enough for her heart to melt

But then, the clapping and cheering from the crowds surrounding them reminded the couple that they were still in the middle of a festival, and by the looks of it, they had put quite a show

Everyone was looking at them with a huge smile as if they somehow knew the importance of the moment they had witnessed

Even the other couples were applauding them at this point

"It seems that we have our winners!"

The man walked towards them and placed a beautiful crown of flowers on the blonde's head, and then another on Y/N's

They were now standing in front of the crowd, too shocked to know how to respond on their own, but that was the thing, they were not alone

One way or another, they both knew this and acting out of pure instinct, their hands reached out for the other's until they inevitably succeeded

This sudden contact made them look at one another, surprised by this connection at first, but it soon turned into a smile

Not the kind of smile one would do when being told good news

Nor the kind of smile to make when seeing someone after a long time

But a smile of the purest kind

That of love itself

[mymistakewriting]

Bart Allen (Impulse) Headcanons

Let me preface this by saying it’s a weird mix of comics!Bart and Young Justice!Bart. Most of his past is based on what it was in YJ with splashes of comic canon thrown in (keep in mind, these are all headcanons for a rp group)

Can draw - it’s a good way to slow him down and pass the time when he’s bored. 

Drawing style: graphite pencil or colored pencils. Mostly graphite, he saves the color for very special pieces or for when he's genuinely happy about something. 

He never. stops. vibrating. Unless he's putting in a crap ton of constant focus on staying still, but even then, the second he gets excited or startled, that focus is gone. 

very clingy. If he hugs you it lasts until either he gets distracted or you physically pry him off you.

Bart seems to thrive on physical touch. He's clingy and will latch onto anyone he meets. However, he isn't sure how much of it is a Trauma Response and how much of it is him actually enjoying the contact. If anyone asks, he's just a huggy guy!

He thrives on affection, but only when he initiates it. He's not quite to a point where he's completely okay with someone else initiating some kind of affection (Wally is currently the only exception to this).

horror movies and games don't tend to phase him. It takes a lot to get a reaction out of him considering his past. 

has times where he's randomly confused because the future didn't have this help what is this

There's a long list of things from the current time that Bart doesn't understand because he hadn't ever experienced it in the future. It's a mix of stupid stuff and things that are... honestly, he's a little pissed about regardless of if he understands or not. (It varies from certain plants and animals to heavier things like racism and homophobia. Relationships are in there, too. He doesn't understand how they work, and honestly, he's a little afraid to ask)

You know what, good luck communicating with Bart. He's a mess of movement and quick speech and slang terms that are almost completely foreign. Easiest way to get a read on him is through touch - he clings, nuzzles more when he needs support or just needs to ground himself, whereas his usual lingering hug and then moving on shows he feels safe or at least content in his present situation and company.

He gets a lot of stares and comments because of his eyes - understandable, yellow eyes aren't exactly common - but he will always pretend he doesn't know what they're talking about. ("Yellow? You must be seeing things, they're green! Like my grandpa's.") It's a source of constant anxiety that it's just going to be another thing that keeps him from forming any real connections with people. 

he's all pastels and bright colors. Mismatched clothing and soft textures and too-big sizes. (He wore too many dark colors in his past, he wants this to feel different so it has to look different until he gets it)

fan of soda, should not be allowed to have soda. When he crashes from caffeine, he crashes hard

Bart is a strange duality in a lot of his life. Trust is no different. He trusts easily, but having his trust doesn't guarantee he won't be watching you for any wrong move. But then, what can you expect of a kid from a dystopian future? He desperately wants to trust and be trusted, he just hasn't quite gotten down how that works yet. It's nothing personal if he doesn't trust you. Mostly.

He remembers his mom, misses her, but make no mistake - she was dead in his time by the time he came back to the past. Both of his parents were

Here's the thing about Bart: He's a fast learner. He didn't learn to read properly (more than was necessary to survival) in the future. He's learned quite a bit since coming back to the past - just don't ask him to read out loud. He's not quite to that point yet and he WILL make up words if he hits one he doesn't know how to say. For the most part, his mom and Nathaniel taught him how to read/write what they could and numbers and mathematical symbols. 

This also means that he does take a second to let autocorrect tell him what he did wrong on most messages - he hopes that people don't question if it takes him a few moments to answer them, but he doesn't want anyone finding out about his lack of knowing basically anything that kids learn in elementary school.

If Bart thinks he can get away with it? He'll ask questions to learn more about a specific topic. But it's one of those things that if he thinks it's too risky, he won't ask. He'll find a way to learn it on his own.

It's canon that he has a near perfect recall for anything he learns. Whether or not he uses it is completely dependent on the situation. As of late, though, he feels like it's failing him - he's been struggling to remember details about his mom, or about Nathaniel. It feels like he's losing part of himself along with those details. 

surprisingly enough Bart's worst habit comes in the form of sitting himself down with something he can zone out with on bad days - usually drawing, sometimes video games. He's always still enough on these days that it seems like he's sick. (You'll never catch sight of his cheerful act on these days. Just full out, raw jaded behavior. He dreads the first time it happens around someone)

Listen, his mom was part of a rebellion. So was his dad. He was raised knowing about it and seeing things slowly take form. Rebellion is just part of who he is at this point. Give him a cause that he can believe in, and you can damn well bet you'll see every bit of influence his mom and Nathaniel had on him. 

He's so bad at making friends. He's still got the concept of needing people to trust him immediately or it'll end in someone (read: him) getting hurt. But everyone trusts different things and he's getting tired of having to switch between acts to be trusted. He just wants friends who like him for him - every part of him, the messy cheer and the bitter jadedness and everything in between.

He doesn't actually want to be a hero. Sure, he wants to help people. He wants to save as many people as he possibly can. But he's marooned in a time that he doesn't understand, he wants time to adjust - and help figuring out how to do that. He just won't ask. He doesn't know where to start that won't get him hurt for trusting the wrong person.

Bart's a gray area. If it's an injustice he feels he can relate to, he's going to fight like hell. He came from two parents who were rebels, of course he doesn't know how not to rebel himself. But if he believes, for even a millisecond, that him pursuing something will harm those he cares for and wants to protect? You can bet your life he'll put it to the back of his mind. His priorities are gray at best, right alongside his morals. It's a fifty fifty shot as to which side of him you'll be getting at any given point, best of luck.

surprisingly enough Bart's worst habit comes in the form of sitting himself down with something he can zone out with on bad days - usually drawing, sometimes video games. He's always still enough on these days that it seems like he's sick. (You'll never catch sight of his cheerful act on these days. Just full out, raw jaded behavior. He dreads the first time it happens around someone)

Coping mechanisms? Bart? Adorable. Closest he comes is destroying old drawings. Doing new ones. Repeat. He lashes out, takes any small chink he can find on anyone he talks to, and will destroy any chance at a working relationship with that person the second he feels even slightly overwhelmed or upset. He's used to people fighting back - people hurting him for how he deals with things. He doesn't quite feel safe and adjusted in this time enough to have anything healthier. (He wants to try, but let's face it, his grandfather doesn't exactly make a great example of how to cope with things going wrong with how quick Barry is to throw himself into work and self isolation in canon. It's going to take Bart a while to find a balance, even if he does eventually get some help with it).

[hotarutranslations]

I Wont Hold Back What Should Be Said Even If I'm Scared. Momusu Ishida Ayumi's "Junior Training Theory"

Spring is approaching, it’s the season where we’ll notice new employees joining gradually. There are many who get lost with how to treat juniors of different upbringings and ages.

 This time, we listened to a member of Morning Musume ’20, Ishida Ayumi who is actively training young people about how she goes about looking after them.

 I’m happy to do everything as a senior.

Ishida Ayumi. Born January 7th, 1997. Joined Morning Musume in September of 2011 as a 10th generation member, gained prominence in her high dance skill. In December 2018 took up being sub-leader.

 For Ishida-san, in a lesson it seems you pick something concrete that the junior feels is a challenge, you don’t just ask “is this alright?”. What do you consciously communicate so that they others can consult you easily?

Ishida Ayumi-san: Basically, I go about with the feelings of “lets do everything that made me happy that the seniors did for me when I has a newcomer”. For example, I can accept the fact that you get angry when you’re given a warning but, I think you’ll get lost like “Well then what should I do?”. I teach a set of solutions, not just communicating that what they were doing was wrong.

That’s reassuring, huh. I think there are serious members who won’t ask others for help. What does Ishida-san look for as an SOS from your juniors?

Ishida: I’m thickheaded, so I’m not good at noticing changes in others. Since its difficult to watch all of the juniors at the same time, I’ll decide “lets support this girl for todays practice”; I’ll consciously watch each one like that. Some of the girls have bad reflexes, and there are girls who haven’t had dance lessons until they join. With dance practice as well, I’ll try to explain things so they are easy to understand without using the terminology.

I wont hesitate to say what needs to be said

There are those who have a hard time pointing out issues like, “wont my junior be scared?”. For Ishida-san, is that something you worry about? 

Ishida: I think “its ok to be scared” myself. Isn’t strict guidance needed for Morning Musume to have a good performance?

That’s resolute, huh.

Ishida: Although I think the members that I’m close to in the group will complain about me too (laughs). But, if you’re just thinking about it nothing will be communicated. Someone has to say it, so I won’t be shy and I’ll open my mouth.

You’re taking the initiative, huh.

Ishida: But, since the juniors will be scared to go to me (laughs), I try to communicate things gently. In particular, with the 15th generation (new members who joined in 2019), I came to be pretty mindful that our ages and active experience levels are completely different.

What things are you conscious of so as not to feel intimidating to juniors?

Ishida: Michishige-san taught me, “greet them with a smile” and “Say what you’re thinking immediately on the spot,”. If I say later “actually at that time, this is what I was thinking” doesn’t it become something like, ‘she was angry this whole time……’. Concert rehearsals also take a lot time, and there are moments when you also have to fix movements on the spot.

What are the common points in juniors growth?

For Ishida-san, you’ve taken in 11 juniors thus far. Does your way of dealing with them change depending on the personalities of each of the juniors?

Ishida: It changes. When 13th generation Kaga Kaede joined, although she was a new member, she had a long history with Hello Pro Kenshuusei, so she was a girl who could do things more than others. Therefore, I started seeking out reactions like “What type of girl will she be when she gets advice?”.

You’ve come to pay attention to even the honor students, huh.

Ishida: When giving advice I’ll see if she’s a rebellious type like “I can do this”, or if the girl will honestly accept the advice. I watch to make sure which one it is. For Kaga-chan, her dancing is cool, so she should be the type who would do things her own way, but she’s a girl who will listen to me. Therefore, it makes me want to give her more and more advice.

For Ishida-san, what do you think are the common points in a juniors growth?

Ishida: Being honest and adaptable. There are things about myself I didn’t want to give up on, and I absolutely couldn’t move forward from that. When I first joined as well, I would really hate when others were angry with me. Even when my seniors would expressly give me advice towards my dancing, I wasn’t really able to accept it. After all, I hate losing.

What made you change?

Ishida: I started looking at the other members and not just towards myself. I was able to grow by having the perspective of “What are the differences in the way I dance and how Sayashi-san dances?”. I think I was also envious but, through recognizing my surroundings, I was able to understand the merit in my own dancing.

How do you take it when you encounter a junior and you feel like “Maybe they can do this better than me”?

Ishida: I get uneasy (laughs). Certainly,  I think this is something my previous seniors worried about. Like, “To what extent will I be able to help this girl?”

Its something Ishida-san is scared of.

Ishida: It is, it is. But, I have to say, when I’m lost I purely rely on others. For example when it comes to singing, I’ll first consult Oda Sakura-chan (11th generation) as she’s good at singing. Like for harmonizing parts, if I can’t come to a conclusion if it’s my fault we’re not matching, or if the other person should adjust. At those times Oda-chan will listen and she’ll tell us.

You have to think about how to motivate your juniors

For Ishida-san, It seems like you’ve come to think “what role should I play within the group?” as you get older.

Ishida: Really, the position makes the person. As more juniors join, its not as good for me to be moving more and more forward. Since for the group, the young girls won’t grow up. Basically, the new members will change up the concerts and fan events. In things that are on-air and the like, I’ll pass it over to Oda Sakura-chan. Since she will surely return the feeling with a sense of security.

With love for the new members, your ability to judge balance is amazing.

Ishida: Since I’m always spending every day with them, I know that everybody is a good girl and that everyone is interesting. But, during events the new members are so nervous they can’t talk. Therefore, their goodness isn’t communicated at all. I’ve grown to be conscious of “As a senior I have to pass it along to them”. There are things I also want to say though (laughs).

Its not good to summarize it in generations but, what are your thoughts towards the young girls now?

Ishida: There is a generational gap, after all. In particular now, we can’t have an atmosphere that’s very angry. We were raised to be sparking with competition but, I realize I can’t ask that of these current girls.

You’re careful not to push it like, “this is how we were”.

Ishida: Even these young girls have proper ambitions. Here it’s like, “how do I turn the switch on this girl?” and I search for that. If they like something, they’ll do their best in anything, and it’ll go well. As a senior I have to think, “How can I motivate them?”

Praising a girl for doing something for the first time

Please tell us Ishida-san’s style for “turning on the juniors motivation switch”.

Ishida: “I’ll praise them with all my might if it’s the first time this girl did something”. For me, when I was in my first musical, the director praised me for my acting. I gained something big from riding that recognition like “I was praised even though it was my first time, I can do this, can’t I?”. In fact, I’ve come to love stage work.

That’s a good story. After that, you were also able to be a lead in plays, Ishida-san. Finally, do you have feelings of, “I still want to be a player more than a manager?”.

Ishida: Of course I do. I haven’t changed, I want to go even further. As a result of considering the balance as a whole, I’ll just draw things to myself just a little. Even my fans will say “Ayumi-chan, you’ve mellowed out” and “I want to see the crackling Ayumi-chan from before when you were more competitive”. But, I want you to be at ease since I haven’t changed at all in reality.

Now, you’ve given priority to training your juniors, huh. Do you feel happy when you’re paying attention to your juniors?

Ishida: When I praise them while teaching dance choreography, I’m happiest when I see the juniors honestly pleased about the praise.  Receiving LINE’s like “I think I’ll work even harder”, seeing them write about it on their blogs, and the other day I received a letter. I was surprised like, “this is so much!?” but, I treasure these special events and interactions with my juniors.

https://ten-navi.com/dybe/8451/

[kateemmerson]

#LocationFree - How are global nomads coping with their wanderlust lifestyle?

No one has been left unscathed, have we? We have all had to adjust, re-jig, process life, handle loss, and take stock …every single one of us? Same storm, different ship, right?

Amidst all the “stuff” going on globally, I recently listened to my heart and launched my 5th book, titled “10 Lessons for Living #LocationFree.” Originally planning to launch it much earlier, I waited until the time felt right and until I had the right energy to tackle it. I honestly feel that now, more than ever, we need to keep our dreams, ideals and possibilities ALIVE and top of mind.

Even if we are a bit stuck now, our thinking and feeling do NOT have to be stuck.

In the process of writing this book, I wanted to offer readers some varied perspectives and thus set about interviewing 16 awesome folks to get their views on living this lifestyle. When the book was released just 2 weeks ago, I really wanted to check back in and get their updates on living “LocationFree.” We are all between 40 and 60 years old, living our own version of this lifestyle all around the world. Essentially I wanted to see how the year had shaped up for them since our initial interview –  to see if they were more hellbent on continuing this vagabond lifestyle, to understand if something fundamental had shifted for them, or if perhaps world events have made them reconsider lifestyle choices related to all things #LocationFree?

#LocationFree is my preferred term, but it is often referred to as Global Nomad, Digital Nomad, Location Independent, Portable Pro, etc. The name is less important than what we live day-to-day.

I wanted to update myself, too. I have honestly had a profoundly ‘interesting’ year. I’m definitely NOT saying it was easy and straightforward, but that I dug deep and found ways to try and accept and lean into what was going on rather than resist it all. The latter option felt futile and counter-productive in every form. I contracted and tested positive for the covid lurgy back in March 2020 after hurriedly exit-ing South Africa. I was out there to launch my 4th book, “Write your Book in 100 Days,” with my business partner. We had multiple book launches and events, live interviews from some major PR rolling out. It was our chance to inspire and reconnect with all the wonderful South African writers in our community. Plus, all my annual medical appointments were booked for what might have been my last regular visit to South Africa.

As I tuned in and reacted to what was unfolding, I knew I needed to get on a plane fast, to the UK. I was due to travel via Dubai to visit a friend stationed there but decided to hotfoot it directly to the UK, just a couple of days before lockdown kicked in. After all, South Africa was officially no longer any form of “base” for me after the break up with my partner, so I didn’t fancy getting “stuck” there.

I knew I wanted to get to my mum in time for the first proposed lockdown so she wouldn’t be on her own. Well, for sanity, company, and a bit of TLC more than needing to “look after” her – she’s a super strong woman! But before being able to get to her, after testing positive for covid (I only ever experienced mild symptoms, thank goodness), I had to isolate myself for a month before it was deemed safe for me to stay with mum in her presidential home. We then ‘enjoyed’ three months of strict lockdown together. Lucky we had too much TV, laughter, wine, great food, daily walks, and I also celebrated my birthday with her. Zoom Style with friends around the world.

One of the hardest business challenges was letting go of our international Writing Retreats that were booked. It often takes folk at least a  year to decide, book, and pay for one of our retreats. Writers from all over the world were joining Sarah and me in Greece, Italy, and Spain for a total of four retreats and residencies. We had to face cancellations, field the uncertainty with massive deposits we had paid across to secure hotels, and handle the non-refundable deposit challenge. We initially postponed and shuffled dates later in 2020 in the eternal hope that we could still host them later in the year, and had clients ready to hop on planes… and then finally releasing them all in favour of 2021 dates. We “lost” some clients who couldn’t move to the new dates, and have not yet been able to start filling those spaces for 2021. That was my main income revenue down the sink. I know the entire world understands all the drastic financial challenges of the year and I am not alone in that. 

The moment it was “safe” enough to travel, and the world eased open a bit in the UK, I travelled to a wee Scottish island, Iona, for an overdue, personal and significant retreat. I had been wanting to reconnect with Iona to organise a writing retreat, so I was fulfilling two objectives. It is a very sacred isle that offers deep healing and was just what I needed. Mum was happy  (and I guess sad) to finally wave goodbye after three intense months together. The year has allowed me to live what I call a “revised version” of living location free – with restrictions and other things factored in, like everyone. I was planning on spending 2020 starting to look for my next Northern bases, so that has obviously been postponed. My heart is being pulled by the idea of setting up some version of flexible homes in both Scotland and the Mediterranean – but that will need to wait until I can travel abroad to explore that option more fully.

I am just not a ONE HOME type of gal. Any future partner I have in life needs to know that a deep love for travel and adventure is wired into my cells. But I am starting to consider a couple of bases to move between, with loads of side- travel too!

So I relished a much quieter work year. I was already planning on taking time off from running regular online writing mentorships as I needed a break from that intense type of work, and then all our summer writing retreats retreated into the distance. So I took most of the year off to be in the GAP. I stayed in quieter retreat –type mode with myself.

I embarked on an intense, personal retreat process on Iona to recalibrate again. I went offline for 3 weeks and 80% offline for a further 5 weeks. The poor wifi signal helped that switching off process. But this was not about covid. To be honest, it was more related to where I am in my life and business cycle. I needed to do a mammoth, triple-angled closing out process. One was the ending of my relationship after five years, and another was leaving South Africa, and the third closing out a few aspects of what used to make up my business. But all that was happening despite covid’s impact. You can read more about that journey here.

On Iona I also fell headlong into a fantastic new heart-based hobby with the actual “making” of books, learning the art and skill of “Book Binding” or BookArt. I am smitten and have a bag of tools, paper, ink, and waxed linen thread to lug around now. If ever you come on a retreat with me, you will be sure to make your own book from now on!

Uhmmm, yes, the irony is that my motto is #LIVELIGHTELIVELARGE, so excess clothes can get turfed out of the suitcase but my new bookmaking tools will have to stay put for this #LocationFree gal.

I am still 100% pursuing my own version of living #LocationFree, just with the added goal of looking for a couple of places to call a “base” in 2021. Love Kate x

***Here is what some OTHER global Nomads say about how this year impacted their gallivanting lifestyle around the world. All of these amazing folk below have contributed to my latest book to offer their take on being #LocationFree.

* My global nomadship is NOT over yet! Dee Before COVID-19 stopped us all in our tracks, I had been already considering my global footprint and thinking about how I could still travel and work as a nomad, but with more and more respect for the environment by reducing my use of fossil fuels.

Since being “stuck” at my daughter’s house since March 1st, I have had more time to contemplate my next move, and I think I will be much more mindful about the “gigs” I say yes to in terms of length. Instead of jumping from plane to plane and delivering multiple workshops or events in one week, I will spaciously alter my availability and only offer one city a week for short jobs. In addition, I’m considering “putting myself out to hire” to communities for 3-6 month, longer-term projects.

As for this crazy year, I have still felt like a “nomad” because most of my international work has continued online, but I’ve been receiving some “snail mail” at my daughter’s address where I’m staying, and I don’t like it. My daughter and friends tease me, saying, “ooh, look, you have mail!” which I vehemently deny! Haha!

I did join a gym in my daughter’s town but, I made sure it was one of the franchise-type ones that proliferate Australia so that when I’m back on the road, I can still make use of the membership.

I still live out of my suitcase. It’s on a shelf, in the cupboard, in my daughter’s spare room, and I have deliberately done very little extra shopping this year and still buy my suitcase-sized “top-ups.” All my purchases have still been with the thought that I will eventually be back on the road.

As of December 2020, bookings for work in early 2021 have started rolling in, and I’m feeling the pullback towards the actual road (not flights) that will most likely be my future for at least the next 12 months until our international borders and flights are safe again. My global nomadship is not over yet!Yours in Community, Dee

Dee Brooks is a mum of four adults and is a passionate community development practitioner and trainer with over 20 years of experience. She has been an Intentional Nomad since 2015 and has travelled and worked in over 20 countries, creating impact through capacity building and knowledge sharing. http://jeder.com.au

*What is COVID offering US in terms of new perspectives? Martin When Covid struck, all my jobs and activities came to quite an abrupt halt. But organically, other things suddenly needed to be done. My life in a nutshell… Go with the flow, take things as they come, and run with it as best you can.

Pre-Covid, I was housesitting, hiking, travel guiding, and occasionally giving sushi workshops. When all that stopped, for my dad, who lives alone, all his support and social engagements/contacts were terminated as well. So I kind of organically transitioned into being his only daily visitor and part-time caregiver. A foundation I occasionally volunteer at was seeing a huge dip in the (mostly 55+ aged) volunteer availability, so my “whenever I can, I’ll let you know” volunteering turned into a fixed few days a week. With the rest of the time, I worked on my campervan conversion, which I was not really getting around to before Covid. So you could say that just as in life, Covid took but replaced other things in its place for me to make a difference… And no less important, it also gave me space to remember what I was passionate about and the time to work on it as well.

Looking forward, my future perspective has not changed much with Covid. I will keep living as a nomad, primarily housesitting going from place to place, alternated with some hiking travel guiding and volunteering here and there, and being a self-supporting van-lifer the rest of the time. What Covid did do, however, is make me realize how positive and stable this self-supportive lifestyle made me, as when mass-hysteria struck, I accepted it as it came and just took it in my stride.

To me, the best way to approach the whole Covid-situation is to look at what it is offering in terms of new perspectives, rethinking priorities and time away from work, commuting, and stress in favor of me-time. It is pretty much nailed on the head by this little quote by Karen Salmansohn:

You gotta look for the good in the bad, the happy in the sad, the gain in your pain, what makes you grateful, not hateful. And if there is no good in the bad, or happy in the sad, then you are put in that spot right there, right then, to help create it for yourself and the people around you… May you be happy and well, Martin Martin Van Den Berg is a full-time professional housesitter, capable with all animals but specialising in big or “difficult” dogs and packs. Willing to travel. dutch.mountainman@gmail.com       https://www.facebook.com/martinvdberg73


* Will we resume nomadic life? Nancy It was sheer coincidence that we moved into a long-term rental the day that Spain went into lockdown! A day later and we would have needed approval from the police to move, to drive elsewhere other than to the supermarket for essential supplies. My unexpected pulmonary embolism in April 2019 had stopped our travels and, due to ongoing medical treatment, necessitated us staying in Oliva for a while. As we liked it here, at the end of that year, totally unrelated to the pandemic, we decided to stay in the area longer and, in January 2020, found a new home near the sea.

Even if we had booked another Air B&B, ready to travel again, it’s unlikely we’d have been able to. As a new tenant hadn’t been secured for the townhouse we’d been renting, we would have had to stay there longer. This would have been so frustrating! I was always excited when moving-on and to have no choice but to stay would have been very hard. Instead, we could look forward to our new home close to the beach!

My online work continued despite the pandemic, and my weekdays didn’t really alter as I sat at the computer in my home-office as usual. The virus situation has definitely changed our nomadic mindset, though, and now I’m not even sure if we’ll resume our journey!

The pandemic in Europe and ever-changing border restrictions make it difficult to travel, so for now, we’ve accepted it’s necessary to stay-put. Instead of looking forward to exploring new places, we appreciate the opportunity and extra time available to visit our own area, which is very varied and beautiful. We’ve also made some friends here and, in a time when we cannot easily see family in the UK, these relationships are all the more important.

As we’ve not had to pack-up the car to move-on in a single journey, we’ve also gradually acquired more possessions and are making our current rental a ‘home.’ The more we become settled, putting down roots, it’s so much harder to consider moving away. Maybe one day we’ll revise our wanderlust, maybe not. Perhaps we’ll take holidays again instead. We’re just not dwelling on that.

Although we’ve always had a flexible attitude, this year has taught-us that absolutely anything unexpected can happen! We’re OK, and we have each other, our health, an income, and a home, so do appreciate this as never before. Kind regards, Nancy Nancy Benn is a versatile virtual assistant with more than ten years’ experience providing efficient support to clients. Working remotely from her home office, Nancy helps entrepreneurs achieve more time and headspace to develop their business by supporting and encouraging their endeavours by providing outstanding, skilled admin and secretarial support. www.directpaservices.co.uk         
www.nancybenn.com


*Coincidence doesn’t exist. I always believed that! Jan What happened to this digital nomad during the Covid pandemic? I guess the same as with all the others: being stuck in one place and not moving anymore. In my case, I’m stuck in Budapest in Hungary. Coincidentally, as a Dutch citizen, I already had a house in Hungary, and I am a resident in this country. Something that, after the fact, turns out to be a good thing. I will explain, and this explanation shows once more, that coincidence doesn’t exist. It was for a reason that I got stuck here.

In February 2019, I left the Netherlands and started my digital nomad existence. South America, Spain, and South Africa. In April 2020, I ended up in a very strict lockdown in South Africa, and after three tough weeks, I was finally able to return to the Netherlands on a repatriation flight. From The Netherlands, I flew immediately to my home in eastern Hungary. It was a safe haven in these bizarre times. It was also far removed from covid, with only 2 cases known out of the 3 000 inhabitants in the village.

After a few weeks of being in Hungary, a letter fell on the mat from the Dutch authorities. They stated that with retroactive effect to February 2019 (!) I was no longer officially living in the Netherlands, that I was not allowed to continue my business there and that I was no longer insured for medical expenses.

Pay attention! With more than one year retroactive effect!

Panic! What’s next? At that time, there was only one option: I would have to live 100% as a resident in Hungary and build a new company structure with two limited companies: one in the Netherlands containing all the customers and one in Hungary where I am an employee. Subsequently, I was accepted into the Hungarian health insurance system (which is cheap, but not the world’s best) and a perfect private health insurance top-up that will enable me to be anywhere in the world and still have good insurance!

All of this turned out to be a golden solution for me as a nomad. The taxes in Hungary are the lowest in Europe, and even after my retirement in some years, the 0% income tax is Europe’s best! I am currently renting an apartment in the heart of downtown Budapest, and at the weekends I visit my house in the countryside to relax. This is truly the ideal “snob-life’ of all the Budapest-inhabitants!

Coincidence doesn’t exist. I never believed in that. But all these puzzle pieces came together so precisely into one nice new picture. So with all that happened to me, I have to admit: coincidences might just exist!

While I am stuck in Hungary for now, I spend ALL my time preparing for the future! Jan

Jan Van Kuijk has been living partly in the Netherlands and partly in Hungary for more than 10 years. The two countries finally became too small for him, and in 2018, after 15 years of preparation, he decided to travel the world as a Digital Nomad. With his work on WordPress and Joomla websites, he is generating sufficient income to live his dream. https://digitalnomadlifestyle.nl      https://janvankuijk.nl


*Cruising (or not) with Covid – Debbie Well, it’s been an interesting couple of months – thank you, 2020!

From being aboard ‘that ship’ which was disallowed docking in Chile, Peru, Ecuador, Panama, Costa Rica, and Mexico, to finally disembarking our guests in San Diego, after 29 days onboard! Our guests got an additional 15 days cruising on the house, and of course, courtesy of corona!

Then, many of us got ill and had to deal with “isolationship,” which in itself added a new dimension to both cruise life, as well and levels of sanity and productivity! Getting the South African crew repatriated back to our own country was another covid challenge, but we finally made it to home soil in June, three months after the break-out onboard our floating home. At this stage, a total of 60 days of “isolationship” had been achieved, and it is no small feat to spending that amount of time on your own in a room that is hard to pace 10 steps without having to stop dead!

Since then, the waiting to return to what we love has taken its toll in various forms, forcing many to find alternative employment sources. I have kept myself busy by doing some ‘self-reflection and tweaking,’ a vital step to recalibrating and accessing what makes it out of the covid crisis with you and what needs to be resolved and rested!

I have decided to study a diploma in HR to be better equipped in my line of work and where I see myself adding relevance; making memories with my family, and building a legacy in my gorgeous granddaughter’s life while watching the world continue to be crazed about vaccines and searching for new normals!

Living life #LocationFree post-covid will have its own set of challenges, but I am hopeful that we will be traveling and impacting more lives in the near future! Remember at this time, to be kind – to those who don’t understand or think the way you do, and it’s OK to be different – after all, that’s what it takes to live #LocationFree. Love Debbie

Debbie Botha courageously leapt at the chance to travel and showcase her training development, coaching, negotiation, and change- management skills within the world of cruising. She now wears officer stripes on her shoulders and a smile on her face as she explores international waters is studying HR, dabbles in Bitcoin, and revels in being a nurturing Nana. linkedin.com/in/debbiebothaglobal        Instagram: @debbiebothaofficial


*Life Has Shifted A Little – Chris and Jillian We had moved places in Morocco a few times. We had decided that we needed our own space after two and a half months in the hostel we were painting in, and we moved into an apartment in Tinghir. Shortly after we moved into our new place, the lockdown was lifted. And even though we were some of the only foreigners around, we weren’t being hassled too much to come and buy things.

We moved out to Rissani after two weeks, which was located at the edge of the Sahara. The roads were now just starting to open up for people to move between towns and cities. After a few weeks there, we read a news headline saying that all foreigners had to leave Morocco by August 10th. We then decided that we wanted to spend some time on the coast, so off we went to Essaouira.

We ended up renting an Airbnb for a really good discounted price inside the medina. There were still very few tourists around, and we were getting hassled by more people to come and buy things. We had booked a flight to leave on the 8th, and a few days before the day, the flight was canceled. We then read more information about needing to leave and found out that it was fake news and didn’t need to go.

We rented the place for two more months, and it was nice to have our own space and work on our own projects. The owner of the Airbnb had upgraded the wifi to accommodate our needs, and we accomplished a lot of much needed online work. The locals’ mood had dropped, and eventually, we had started to see drunk people in the day fist fighting at random times. This was not normal, so we felt that it was time to go.

We booked a direct flight to Turkey, and we travelled to Casablanca to exit the country. There were not many people in the airport, which made the experience one of the easiest times we’ve had travelling. We were told that we would expect to get tested for Covid when we arrived at the airport, this didn’t happen. We were also told that we would expect to get tested when we arrived in Turkey, this didn’t happen either. Turkey was open, and everything was business as usual. In the last two weeks here, the Turkish government has started implementing some restrictions. Restaurants are closed except for takeout, a weeknight curfew of 8:00, and everything except grocery stores are closed over the weekends.

We have no doubt in our minds that this is the only way we can live our lives. Travel has probably changed forever due to Covid, but we will deal with it. We won’t be returning to conventional life, and we find too much happiness in this way of life

Chris de Cap I’ve been an artist my whole life, more than half of which as a tattoo artist. I spent the bulk of my adult life being nomadic, however, mostly in Canada. Now I’ve taken my nomadic habits out into the world. http://www.artisticvoyages.com/        www.instagram.com/artisticvoyages

*Clearing the decks and learning what it means to be resilient I feel like 2020 is the year that we were all forced to stop, take a deep breath, and look at how we are living. The word that kept coming up for me this year was resilience.

Here in Spain, we experienced one of the strictest lockdowns in Europe and in a city like Malaga where we are used to being active and social life quickly started to feel a little surreal. I remember saying to friends that it felt like I was living in a Netflix movie. Deserted streets, no noise or energy.

There is a thriving community of entrepreneurs and freelancers in the city and I organise a co-working meet-up. I remember our last in-person event just before the lockdown happened. I don’t think anyone realised just what was coming! After that, we took the meet-ups online like many events and it proved a great way to stay connected and motivated when we weren’t able to meet up in person. I launched my first retreat in October at an amazing venue called Vega House. This was one of my big goals for 2020 and after nearly a year of putting things on hold, I was determined to make it happen.

I have experienced lots of personal and professional shifts this year and it feels like it has been a bit of a baptism of fire. I know I have learned to be more present in how I live. I have become much more conscious of time and not wasting it this year. This has affected my relationships, friendships and priorities as a whole.

I had planned to do more international travel this year and instead found that there was so much more on my doorstep than I had realised to explore and appreciate. Slowing down and living with restrictions has helped me and I am sure others to find joy in unexpected places. I think I am going into 2021 with a renewed sense of optimism around what is possible for me. I am focusing on staying grounded and appreciating the here and now.

Victoria Jane Watson is a business and media mentor working with female entrepreneurs leading the way in the health and wellness industry. She gets to the heart of what makes her clients unique, showing them how to leverage their story and expertise effectively so they can build a personal brand that supports their business goals. www.victoriajanewatson.com   Instagram: @victoriajanewatson

“10 Lessons for Living #LocationFree” is available on all Amazon stores

Search under the title or by using:

Print ISBN: 978-0-620-90868-9

Digital ASIN: B08P7FQ94G

IN SOUTH AFRICA YOU CAN  ALSO GRAB A PAPERBACK ON TAKEALOT.COM

https://www.takealot.com/10-lessons-for-living-locationfree/PLID71293449

  #LocationFree – How are global nomads coping with their wanderlust lifestyle? was originally published on Kate Emmerson - The Quick Shift Deva

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 049

Last time, Gohan rescued a Namekian child from Dodoria, and Krillin used the Solar Flare to cover their escape.   Dodoria doesn’t have a scouter, and he can’t sense ki energy like the good guys, so he basically has no way to track his enemies if they drop out of sight.  

I suppose it’s the overwhelming arrogance of Frieza’s group that’s their biggest weakness.    The scouters were a cool concept when they were first introduced.   They make Raditz look more science-fictiony, but by the time Zarbon and Dodoria are running around, it just seems really dumb.   I guess that’s because by this point, the good guys have refined their ki senes to the point where they’re superior to the scouters in every way.   So you end up with Dodoria uselessly tapping the button on his ear, and wondering if his readings are accurate, and then getting completely flustered when he no longer has the tech to rely upon.   Without one, he got completely suckered by Krillin and Gohan, who should be way out of their league.    But Dodoria can’t find them, and he just fell for the oldest trick in the book.    He’s stronger than Vegeta was on Earth, but he comes across like a complete loser.

Frustrated, Dodoria decides that the heroes couldn’t have gone far, so he fires a blast at the water below to make a huge explosion.   He assumes--stupidly-- that this would be enough to kill them.    I mean, it probably would, but he doesn’t even know if they’re in range, and even if they were in range, there’d be no way to tell, because their bodies would be vaporized.

I wasn’t planning to go on a rant about how dumb Dodoria is, but geez.    We’ve already established that these are no ordinary guys.   He has no idea how strong or weak they are.    Dodoria thinks they’re weaker because they ran away, but how does he know they aren’t luring him into a trap?   Krillin already surprised him with the Solar Flare, so how can he be sure whether his blast would kill them or not?   He’s taking an awful chance here, and he doesn’t even seem to realize it.   Even if Gohan and Krillin can’t harm him, how pissed will Frieza be if they show up later, after Dodoria reported them dead?  

Dodoria’s problem is that he’s so used to working with a scouter that he can’t adjust his tactics to working without one.    He’s used to opponents who can’t raise or lower their battle power, to the point that he never bothers to consider what it would mean to fight enemies who can.  Moori blasted the scouter right off his face, and then Gohan and Krillin sucker punched him.   He was stronger than all three of them put together, but it didn’t even occur to him to be on guard for any of that.    He’s used to the scouter warning him, and he’s so used to having it that he never imagined anyone would try to take it away from him.

Anyway, Dodoria heads back, and Dende thanks the boys for saving him.   Krillin gives all the credit to Gohan, since Krillin was too petrified to even consider it.   Gohan points out that Krillin helped when it counted, making up for Gohan’s reckless heroism.   I like that.   It would be easy to reduce Krillin to a fraidy-cat, or to reduce Gohan to a rash idealist, but instead they both work together to support each other.   That’s important.

Back at the cave, Bulma’s taking a bubble bath in the capsule house she set up, and her father informs her that Goku is en route to Namek.    That’s pretty amazing reception she’s getting, considering that she’s in a cave in another solar system.   

Speaking of Goku, he’s having a snack during his long journey through space.

I like to think he’s gonna make a banana-and-fish sandwich.   Good ol’ B&F, Goku style.  

But he’s got the ship’s artificial gravity turned up to twenty-times normal, so when he flops on the bed it wrecks his quarters.    Dr Brief stocked this place with a bookshelf and a giant TV.   Goku was only going to be gone for twelve days, and he planned to train the whole way.    The stero/cappucino machine made sense to me, but did Dr. Brief really think he was going to watch a bunch of old movies and read novels?

On Namek, Dodoria’s still sore about not having scouters, since it’ll complicate the Dragon Ball hunt.   Really, why should he complain?    They already have five of them, so even if it takes longer to get the last two, it could have been a lot worse?   Besides, what else was he going to do today?

Then he gets ambushed again, and this time it turns out to be Vegeta. 

Vegeta’s been monitoring their communications on their scouters, right up until the sound cut out when Moori destroyed them all.    Then he sensed Dodoria moving on his own, and decided to intercept him.     Dodoria notices that Vegeta still has a scouter--the last one on the planet, apparently-- and offers to let Vegeta go if he turns it over.   

So Vegeta drops it on the ground and invites Dodoria to take it from him.    Then he steps on it and destroys it.    Wait, Vegeta’s foot is really tiny, isn’t it?

Dodoria is shocked, since this means Vegeta is giving up his only advantage, until Vegeta explains that he met enemies on Earth who could sense battle powers without a scouter.     One of them was a Saiyan (Goku), which convinced him that he should be able to learn the same trick.

“Once you learn how to do it, it’s easy.    But then, for those like yourselves or Frieza, who only set their sights on power, it would be impossible.   Although up until now, I was the same way.”

This is an interesting line from Vegeta, and I noticed it wasn’t really duplicated in the dub.     The part where he says that if Goku can do something, he should be able to do it too, that line carried over, and it always stuck with me.   It’s a big reason why Vegeta has outlasted so many other characters in the franchise.   If Goku learns a new ability or faces a new rival, there’s absolutely no reason for Vegeta to stay out of the picture.   

But the part about Frieza and his men being incapable of such growth, that’s very important.   It defines the whole Frieza/Namek saga, and maybe all of Dragon Ball as a whole.   It’s not that the bad guys can’t learn to sense ki; they just never considered it was possible, and they never would have bothered to try.    For all their power, they’re close-minded, cut off from new ideas and the possibilities that come with them.    Guys like Cui and Dodoria honestly believed that Vegeta would never surpass them in strength, like it was a rule or something.   Now, the rules of the game have changed, and Dodoria can’t keep up.   His opening move in this confrontation was to threaten Vegeta, even though they both know he’s got the upper hand.

Dodoria accuses him of bringing Earthlings with him as some sort of alliance, but Vegeta has no idea what he’s talking about.    Dodoria nervously “offers” him a chance to run away, but Vegeta knows better.   This is just sad, really.  

I mean, Cui was genuinely surprised to find out that Vegeta had gotten stronger, but Dodoria monitored that battle on his scouter, so he knows Vegeta’s too much for him.  And yet, he keeps playing the same hand, like the universe is going to say “You know what?  You called our bluff, Dodoria.   Yeah, Vegeta’s not really that strong.    Sorry about that.”    No.    It doesn’t work that way.

So Vegeta grabs Dodoria and puts him in a jointlock very easily.   You know, I didn’t think Vegeta was this much stronger than Dodoria.  I’m pretty sure a big explanation for this is that Dodoria doesn’t have nearly a much skill.   He’s used to just mowing down his opposition with brute force, so when he takes on someone in his own weight class, with greater finesse, he gets overmatched immediately.    It explains ho Krillin and Gohan held him off for as long as they did. 

But Dodoria convinces Vegeta to let him go, in exchange for a secret about the Planet Vegeta.   This leads to a... well, it’s not exactly a flashback.   Really, it’s just random footage of Saiyans to accompany Dodoria’s revelation.

Is that guy Nappa?   He looks like an off-model bootleg version.

And here’s a shot of some great apes breaking stuff.   I’ve seen gifs of this, and I never could tell where they’re from.    For the record, it’s Episode 49 of DBZ.

The Saiyans were never strong enough to oppose Frieza individually, but if enough of them joined forces, they could cause Frieza some problems.   

On top of that, a number of Saiyans were beginning to show greater and greater potential.    The fact that Vegeta just ate Cui and Dodoria’s lunch is proof of that.    A year ago, that would have been impossible for Vegeta, and he’s the strongest of his species.

So Frieza destroyed Planet Vegeta, wiping out the entire Saiyan race, well before enough of them could become powerful enough to openly defy him. 

But Frieza thought Vegeta alone could still be useful, so he made sure Vegeta wasn’t on the planet when he destroyed it.   I assume the meteor story was invented solely to keep Vegeta in the dark.

Couple of things here.    First, I think this is the very first time the Japanese script mentions Vegeta being the Saiyan prince.  The Funimation dub was referring to “Prince Vegeta” as early as episode 11, but I’ve been keeping an eye out, waiting for the Japanese version to establish it, and this seems to be the first time.   Maybe I missed an earlier mention of it.

This is probably not a coincidence, as this whole episode seems to be laying the groundwork for Vegeta’s transition from villain to antihero.  Before, he was just the boss of a small gang of space pirates.     Now, Dodoria is describing him as a prince of a nearly-extinct warrior race.    His revolt against Frieza now begins to resemble a quest for revenge.   Yeah, Vegeta still plans to become an immortal space tyrant, essentially replacing Frieza’s evil with his own, but there’s still a sympathetic aspect to him now.  

Plus, he’s got the whole thing where he learned something from his time on Earth.   Vegeta’s nowhere near making friends with the Z-Fighters.  He just threatened to kill them in this episode, for example.   Still, he seems to recognize that losing that battle on Earth was more beneficial to him than any victory.    There’s at least a glimmer of respect for what the Earth represents, whereas he only sees Dodoria as desperate and pathetic.

Second, I always found it ironic that Frieza decided to keep just one Saiyan alive to serve in his organization.   Actually, it was three, but let’s face it, Raditz and Nappa were nothing to Frieza.    My point is that he was concerned about a mass uprising of Saiyans, and he was concerned about individual Saiyans growing stronger over time.   But he really only addressed one of those issues.    Vegeta may have been isolated after his home planet was destroyed, but he’s been getting stronger and stronger ever since. 

I think Frieza might have assumed that a single Saiyan would be more compliant than a group of them.    Again, complacency seems to be the issue with Frieza’s organization.   I get the impression that he conquered the Saiyans, much like he conquered other planets, and put them to work alongside his own forces, and just sort of assumed the dynamics wouldn’t change.   Like, I don’t know if Frieza conquered a planet full of Zarbons or not.    He may have only recruited Zarbon alone, because he was the strongest one.   The rest would be no threat to him.

But with the Saiyans, the whole population is super strong, and they yearn to get stronger.    After a few years, Frieza started to realize that they’d just get bigger and bigger until they became to big to handle.   This idea gets explored in the Bardock special, but I think it begs the question of why Frieza didn’t just destroy the Saiyans from the start.    I’m pretty sure it’s because he’s really lazy.   The idea of a whole planet full of warriors was too enticing to give up easily.   In the recent Dragon Ball Super: Broly movie, Frieza’s kind of desperate for soldiers, and there’s no reason to think that things were any different fifty years earlier.  The Saiyans must have seemed like a dream come true... at first.   

As for Dodoria, his entire plan is to shock Vegeta with his startling revelation, and then run away while he’s still processing it.    Instead, Vegeta isn’t bothered much at all.    He doesn’t care about his family or friends that Frieza killed.    He’s only mad at himself for not suspecting Frieza in the first place, and he’s pissed at Frieza & Co. for daring to think they could manipulate him like this.   Geets zaps him, and that’s the end of Dodoria.

The only thing Dodoria’s tip accomplished was to encourage Vegeta further.  Now he nows that Frieza is afraid of the Saiyans.   So no matter how much stronger Frieza is, there’s still a chance.    A Saiyan can beat Frieza.

Speaking of which... 

[pickyperkypenguin]

some reflections on mental health and public gatherings

Maybe there will be one day when I remember that I do need people, and I’m feeling much, much better after any kind of human contact. Well, not any as in not a negative one, but positive occurrences do snap me out of my general state of steady panic that grows on me like lichen and moss every time I stay in, and work alone for longer periods. That is the dire consequence of good home conditions for working, and living in a remote area, and generally not having to take as much of an interest in daily life management as a person who lives on their own. I just sort of marinate sometimes in my own intellectual juice enough to become a bog body. There’s that picture, you know the one: “When is it Safe to Leave the Bog? → Tuesday”. Sometimes I forget that the Tuesdays of this world exist.

That also makes me wonder, again, again, again and again, in a true Chidi Anagonye style: am I meant for this job? Will I be able to not only execute this four-year feat, but could I possibly exist like this, sustainably? Is a sturdy mental health required to be an academic? Will my mental health become better with time, with some adjustments that I am planning for this aspect of my life? Or will it be degrading, because this job will put a strain on me? (An asterisk here: will any job do that?) Is this the direction of that process, or is it going the other way: because my mental health has been in a rough place, this job is putting a strain on me?

Gods, I really hope it’s the second option, and I am, after all, if not “meant” for this, then at least able to function like that. I sort of really want to. I like my lifestyle that’s not the nine to five kind. I like having time.

And that is, for some reason, not really understandable for most of the people that I know. Not having time is equated to being an adult. Is that really the only way? Am I a worse, immature person, because I’d like my life to be slower than most that I know? 

(An asterisk here: when I am making time for a person, because they need to talk and I am their friend, and that’s how I express my feelings, by making time  – but they do not do the same for me, and (I assume) just think that I am that lazy of a person/have so much free time that I am always available  – am I allowed to be mad at that, or because their life is, in fact, busier than mine, I should not be expecting the same effort for me and not feel sad and disappointed that I feel like they do not value me as much as I value them? Or should I get over it, because actual adult people cannot make time as easily as they once could, when they had more time on their hands and less to care about? 

An asterisk to an asterisk: first, I do see all listed points of view as equal possibilities for directing my thoughts, and as much as it would be incredibly easy to just get mad/sad/disappointed, I do very seriously consider that I could very well get over it, because real life knows no mercy. Second, I need to check if I am communicating clearly enough that I need to talk to them and that them making the time is their language of love. To the last one, I think the answer is positive, to the first: entirely unclear, because I often am shit at communicating my distress. However, I’d like sometimes for people to figure it out on their own, when they’ve known me for literal years, so I don’t have to always be the one caring about proper communication. Also, again, I do like having unregulated time. Why should I be regularly busier just to be busier, so my time can be valued as much as anyone else’s?).

Of course, colour me interested in better time management than I have now. The truth I am a downright mess and suffering because of it. It is not that I do nothing, but for the last year I feel like I’ve lost all my ability to focus for long periods, to work in huge blocks of time. I was so efficient once. I knew how to be busy in a way that did not feel like a burden for me. I was existing like that, seeing no problem in it, and not asking questions. Maybe it was better for me, maybe it put the necessity to organise my time and execute things, because I simply had to – and maybe being busy again is the recipe to come back to myself again. If everything will go according to plan, I will be trying that.

Coming back to the starting point: contact with people.

Today, there was a demonstration in my city, in solidarity with the people who were at the march for equality in Białystok (and what they had to go through). There was one earlier this week, but I wasn’t there. I was scared to go, even though allegedly (for all that people are saying and for what I see) my city is considered (one of the) most liberal in whole Poland, and also I had no one to go with – I asked around, and nobody was available. I didn’t want to go by myself. With the fresh memory of the scale of violence that happened in Białystok, I didn’t want to risk – not only myself, but potentially making a target of my family. You never know how things will end and who will suffer. My mother was out of her mind just considering the possibility that I could go and something could, gods forbid, happen. She lived in the times and remembers vividly when going to any kind of demonstration executing civil disobedience was basically asking for trouble, not only for yourself (you could, for example, end up dead), but also for your family. I understand her fear. Times have, thank gods, changed so much.

(It’s the sudden reminiscence that scares.)

I thought, it’s different now. It’s allegedly still a democracy. I want to go. I am scared, but is it because I am always scared of life in general, or is it those particular circumstances? I’ve been on demonstrations before, wouldn’t be my first at all. So, was that the photos of people beaten up and spat at to the accompaniment of “God, Honour, Motherland, get the fuck out!”, or was that the fear of saying: yes, this is how I think, this is what I am convinced of – that all people have the right to love, regardless of orientation and sex/gender, and that nonheteronormative people exist and their existence should not be – not as much as political, because all our existence is, I personally thing – but should not be as politicised as it is.

I still don’t know. It’s not a question that can be answered just like that, ignoring all nuance. All those reasons are rooted in real problems, all are valid. It’s not a made up violence that made me feel fear and anger, it’s not a lack of years of repression of every divergent thought, that made me feel fear and consider things through weirdly shaped categories.

I went, and there was no violence. The counter-demonstration was about fifteen people, surrounded tightly by police cordon. Honestly, the behaviour of the police was so different from what happened in Białystok, and I was so happy it was the counter demo they were watching and keeping in check, not us. And that they were facilitating the “stroll” from one gathering to another – it was too little of a time for the organisers to register a march, so they could only do two separate public gatherings. We had to “stroll” to the next place, risking – because we were not formally protected, as a march would be. The police, however, was really nice about all of that – they were, indeed, doing things they didn’t necessarily have to, if they really didn’t want to. They were patrolling with the cars, stopping the traffic lights at some key crossroads. The friendly blinking orange light protected those, who could be potentially told they were committing an offence of sorts, if they went through, with the crowd, ignoring red lights.

Maybe it was the PR in shambles that the City Council was facing, after incredibly recent assault of an academic and a journalist, who said he didn’t like hate speech on the wall aloud. He got beaten to a pulp in your precious multicultural city, so tolerant for all minorities, welcome everyone! All citizens can feel safe! Ah, my dearest city, how wrong you are about that.

So maybe it was the potential PR disaster that made them make the police compliant, and the vice-president of the Council actually giving a speech at the demonstration. But you know what? I’ll take what I can. I don’t care about their reasons, I just care about support, and safety. It’s not the time to care about motivations.

I went there, and I saw people of many ages – not only young, but also older. People who care, who came here out of solidarity with the people in Białystok, who came because they saw hatred and felt the need to say “NO”. Even though they didn’t always felt it necessary before. The social mobilisation and reactions that I observed throughout this week made me feel something other than fear. When a friend, who could as well set his living up the way that he wouldn’t ever have to care about all of that, because for people like him there is a place in the society as it is, had said he cares about what happened, and he finds it all appalling. When my mother reacted to a person who was quite loud with their hate, when she didn’t have to, and usually just bore whatever was happening around her. When people marched the streets, knowing well they are against the current leading party and the Church hierarchs. What I was feeling was not exactly hope, but a certain bud of happiness that the hatred didn’t consume everything yet, and that for an action there is opposite reaction. Maybe not equal yet, but maybe some day.

[bigmoodword]

11/11/11 Tag

tagged by @silver-wields-a-pen -- thanks a bunch! this was so thought-provoking.

1. Who is your favourite oc? 

probably a toss-up between the two oldest:

a werewolf who hides his cold-burning hate behind a sweet smile and endless offers to make bitchin’ cups of tea/coffee/poison/cocoa

an immortal with unhealthy escapist tendencies, livin’ that long life as if EXTRA is their personal motto

at this point, they’ve run through several names each. here’s hoping i finally set 'em in stone sooner rather than later.

2. What themes do you struggle writing? 

healthy, established romance. i can do flirtation and doomed relationships, but actually solid relationships are a whole different beast. it’s kind of funny, because although there are plenty of problems to work through even in the best relationship, i have a tendency to tidy them with too nice a bow. lucky me, that’s my life experience, but it doesn’t make for the most engaging story.

3. What’s been the best thing about writing your wip?

striking creative oil. it’s wonderful to be so enamored with an idea that all my doubts dissipate and the words just... flow. it’s a feeling i remember from childhood, and it’s a relief to know it can still strike.

4. What themes has your favourite story included? 

survivor’s guilt. betrayal. missed opportunities. miscommunication. learning to let go. learning how to love oneself. abuse. wearing a mask. class struggles. systemic oppression. the importance of hope--whatever that ultimately means for you.

honestly, these tend to pop up in all my stories to varying degrees.

5. What time of day do you prefer writing?

i tend to switch between the night owl and early bird approaches. the former pops up when i’m on a serious roll, the latter when i’ve hit a rhythm of jotting down a few hundred words over coffee.

6. What’s your favourite relationship trope to write? 

a very specific kind of unrequited love. like the two are this 👌 close to actually coming together--they’d honestly be pretty great!--except they fail to communicate mutual interest so each assumes the other isn’t. or maybe they’re too preoccupied with their own issues to have a good relationship, so temptations aside, one or both decide it’s better to pass. it’s the idea of “maybe in another life” or “if only we’d met x years ago or y years from now.” can’t get enough of it!

7. What detail about your ocs has surprised you? 

they’re all so messed up. i mean. granted, most of them are born by taking a personality flaw (whether my own or one i struggle to understand) to a certain extreme, but even those that start on an even keel inevitably hit a significant low point. i think it’s an extension of the idea “everybody’s got something” but i hope someday i can manage to have a character that’s both interesting and well-adjusted throughout.

8. Thoughts on including romance in other genres? 

i’m ace, so romance often misses the mark for me. the fact my favorite romantic trope is two people not ending up together probably says a lot on its own. more specifically, unless the romance really adds to the wider story, i prefer it in the background. i think of certain characters flirting and growing closer as sprinkles atop the main plot’s cupcake.

9. Favourite writing snack? 

coffee! i don’t tend to snack much in general, especially not when writing, but i’m always game to break out the bean juice.

10. Favourite villain trope? 

the anti-villain. as a huge “fan” of gray morality, i guess that’s pretty darn predictable. while obviously i’m not here to root for villains, i like to understand them. i think it’s important to recognize how an otherwise good person becomes villainous, and i also have a certain affection for reformed villains. j/s

11. Best scene you’ve written? 

oooo. that’s a good one. i’m not comfortable calling anything my “best” scene, but i tend to favor those where major plot points finally intersect. here’s one i still quite like--

background: urban fantasy, slayer organization, investigation into a recently caught perp

trigger warning: implied sexual abuse

Sven didn’t bother returning Nina’s call until he was in the werewolf’s ritzy apartment, and when she picked up, she immediately reported how the guy had copped to lying throughout his first interview.

As he examined the titles in the bookcases, Sven figured that meant his perp was smart enough to recognize a boon. The asshole who’d put him in a wheelchair had also thrown him a softball cover story, and if he played along, his pack wouldn’t get hurt. Lucky puppy.

Yet Nina remained skeptical. She specified how Nate—that beacon of truth—had caught the werewolf talking on the sly about a little friend. He wouldn’t just make that up, so of course she expected him to search high and low for any proof. Just in case.

He promised he’d do his best then sat cross-legged before the shelves. He put the phone on speaker, set it on a dizzyingly ornate rug, and began pulling books out. One by one, he’d flip robotically through the pages, looking for anything of note.

Meanwhile, Nina’s voice lost its authoritarian edge, “What was up before?”

“Nothing important. Just a guy. Lonely. Works at the hotel.” Having said the words, he tried not to picture her growing smirk. “One thing led to another and…”

“Good for you.” A pause. “Hey. Hey, Sven. Was he cute?”

“Quite.”

“'Quite.’” He could hear her rolling her eyes. “And? Did you, well, have a good time?”

“Debatably.”

“Huh.” Nina thought aloud, “See, you were awfully mad at me when I called you before. That would imply that you were, in fact, having a good time. Otherwise, you would’ve appreciated the excuse, right? Right. But you didn’t. Since we’re talking about you, that means something.”

He snorted.

“Really! It does, and I hope you didn’t just run this poor guy off, you know? You should try meeting up again. Do a little wine and dine. Something nice. Classy. You have that red sweater that looks nice; you should wear that.”

Sven looked down at said sweater. “… Right. Well, I gave him my number, so we’ll—”

“Damn, Sven! He must’ve been really cute!”

He remembered Drake’s anxious wiggling and cracked a smile. “Yeah, he was pretty damn cute.”

Bit by bit, he shared details, and Nina nearly blew out his phone’s speaker with a squeal. She insisted others would give up their firstborn for the kind of porno romance he apparently lived, and her office chair creaked as she huffed a triumphant sigh. She was so animated about the whole thing, as if it’d happened to her instead of him, and however briefly, he thought maybe he felt a fluttering of that same enthusiasm. He wanted to, anyway. 

Even after hanging up, something twisted in his gut every time he thought about Drake calling or, hell, simply sending a three-letter text. But realistically, that was as likely to be dread as giddiness.

With pen and pad, Sven made notes about bookmarked passages as well as the odd comment in the margins, then restored each book to its original slot. Likewise, he compiled the contents of drawers, filing cabinets, and closets. He’d come prepared to scrub the evidence, but apparently, the evidence already suggested the werewolf lived alone. 

There were no articles of clothing that deviated from the rest of his wardrobe. The master bath featured a single toothbrush, and the kitchen just enough rotting food to feed a particularly voracious adult male. He couldn’t even find a hair that wasn’t deep brown and short.

He bagged a phone and tablet for further examination, then muttered to himself about how he really should’ve done at least that much beforehand. That is, the first time he visited the apartment, but no. He’d made his catch, handed the perp off, and disappeared for a long run in the Boston fog like a coward.

To be fair, the place still gave him the creeps. It bothered him that the overturned furniture, smashed vase, and cracked mirror were all exactly where he’d left them. There were blood stains too. Deep brown and foul.

In a small safe, he found jewelry, yellowed woodcuts, and a first edition copy of Leaves of Grass. Extraordinary, sure. Cataloged, absolutely. Yet, save for the werewolf’s budding psych profile, such finds were also woefully meaningless.

He moved on to the lockbox dug out from under the king-sized bed. As with the safe, he was able to pop it open without too much difficulty, but unlike the safe, its contents raised eyebrows. 

Polaroids. Hundreds of them aggressively rubber-banded into tidy stacks, all meticulously sorted. He held his breath as he unwrapped the first only to exhale a bitter “of course” at the revealed photos.

The shots lacked faces. Just bodies. All slender. All male. All dubiously legal. Twisted. Bound. Violated. Every single one manipulated with an escalating ingenuity. Clearly, the werewolf considered it an art-form. 

After that first stack, Sven quickly flipped through the others. He was convinced the whole stash was worthless. None of the subjects had tattoos, piercings, or any significant scarring. No one depicted could be reasonably identified. He was wasting his time.

But he had to make sure, and the deeper he waded, the more his shoulders tensed, the more he felt walls close in. He caught himself listening for heavy footsteps outside the door.

Childish. At its heart, it was all so childish. 

And pointless.

Then he found a stack with a face. He found Drake.

My questions

1. Who was your first OC? 2. What was the first story you ever wrote? 3. What book (or other piece of media) has most inspired you? 4. How do you fight writer’s block? 5. What is your favorite genre to write in and why? 6. How would you describe your writing style? 7. In general, do you think you’d get along with your protagonists? 8. What do you love most about your WIPs? 9. What is your favorite character trope? 10. What is your least favorite character trope? 11. What’s an upcoming scene you’re excited to write? Tagging: @mvcreates ; @whataremetaphor ; @phloxxiing ; @gaytivity ; @jessica-shouldbewriting ; @oyef ; @blurrywhitelies ; @savannahscripts ; @imaghostwriter ; @quilloftheclouds ; @maabon

[academiceve]

Grad Profile #1: Interview with a Health Psychology Masters Student

I thought that it would be fun to introduce interview style blog posts on my blog! I have friends in amazing places, doing amazing things, some of which are attending graduate programs! I would also like to talk more about Psychology and what it is like to continue your studies in one of the subfields, so I hope I can hunt down more people but also include those in different disciplines too!

This first interview is with my dear friend, whom I know from undergrad, as we both studied Psychology. She is currently in her 2nd year of a Health Psychology masters program. 

The Interview

1. Why did you decide to study Psychology for undergrad and what was your experience like?

Psychology was not actually the initial undergrad choice. I got interested in the subject sometime after taking an elective Psychology class in high school. It grew on me. Then after some researching and career testing, I decided to stick to the field. It was one of the best decisions I could have made. I thoroughly enjoyed my undergrad studies.

2. Name 3 favourite/least favourite Psychology subjects that you had to take during your undergraduate studies.

The favourite courses that I had in undergrad were definitely Abnormal Psychology, Marriage and Family, and Family and Addictions. The subjects were interesting on their own, what with dealing with different psychological disorders, subtleties of family life, and a broader understanding of addiction disorders. In addition, they were taught by the most amazing professors, who were really passionate about their subjects and knew a great deal, both from an academic standpoint and from personal working experience.

Meanwhile the subjects I liked the least were Evolutionary Psychology, Organisational Psychology and, as useful and necessary as it is in the field, Statistics. The first two subjects were simply not as appealing to me (and were perhaps taught by the wrong people). Meanwhile, statistics was never, and is still not my thing. I think that it’s alright because not everyone is destined for research and not everyone has to like the same things. The important thing is to try.

3. How did you know that you would like to further your studies by obtaining a masters degree?

For me, getting a masters degree was never a question of wanting it. It is just something that has to be done in order to actually work in the field. The question I had to face was figuring out which masters to get.

4. How and why did you choose to study Health Psychology for your masters degree? Talk a little about your program, how long it is, what kind of classes you take, etc.

Choosing Health Psychology for my masters was not an easy choice. It involved a lot of research and a lot of talking. There were talks with professors, family and friends. The first offered their professional insights. Family, meanwhile, helped to figure out the financial/scholarship matters. Lastly, friends were there to listen and to offer their own insights. Honestly, sometimes, it felt less like talking and more like rambling about the same thing over and over again. But it helped. All the options were considered. It makes me all the more glad that I had someone to talk to.  

As for the program itself, the Health Psychology program takes two years to complete and consists of 120 credits. Each semester consists of classes worth 30 credits. It amounts to about 5 subjects each semester, except for the last, which has only 2 that are worth more credits: second practicum and thesis writing and defense. There are several mandatory classes, such as counselling and psychological evaluation, statistics (yay, but sarcastically), rehabilitation, etc. Then there are 3 elective classes that can be taken. For the thesis, it takes 3 semesters to write. The first semester is dedicated to literature review and introduction, the second to methods and the last one to discussion and results. 

5. What do you like/dislike about studying Health Psychology? Is it what you expected it to be? Is it different from what you expected? If so, how?

In regards to my personal liking of the program, I can say that I am rather enjoying it. Some of the subjects are particularly interesting and valuable. For instance, I do not know what I would have done without the psychological evaluations class or the mock counselling sessions in various other classes. They were the basis I used during the first practicum, where real people came with real problems and real psychological evaluation needs. My masters was my standing rock, helping me bit by bit become better at what I want to do in my life.  

Other subjects are naturally, not as interesting or valuable. Then again, it has to do with personal interests and qualifications of people teaching them. You might be surprised to hear that sometimes a person with three degrees and teaching a masters course might have no idea what they are talking about.

On an ending note, here is something I wish someone would have told me.  It might sound out of blue but I hope it helps. Health Psychology, while part of the medical psychology branch, deals a whole lot more with somatic diseases and their psychological treatment, e.g. diabetes or heart attacks, and less so with psychological disorders, e.g. depression or schizophrenia. Clinical, meanwhile, does the opposite. That said, if there is anyone out there undecided between health psychology and clinical, really consider that distinction. While I made my choice, no one made it clear enough while I was applying. To me the two fields seemed completely overlapping (I was wrong). 

6. How did you feel before beginning your masters studies? What the transition from undergrad to post grad was like?

Starting something new can be a pretty scary experience. It was for me. Especially because I had to move to another city. It was my biggest leap of independence yet. Though, scary as it was, I was still excited for my studies. As for the transition, I expected it to be more challenging. It wasn’t easy and there were certainly days when I called my family or my friends and told them that I wanted to quit, to come back home, to try again later or maybe never. I was fortunate to have them there at those times. Then, as the academic year went on, I made new friends, I got adjusted to the different system, different language, new professors and a schedule that was absolutely different than the one in undergrad. All in all, life got better.

7. What was your first year experience like of your master’s degree?

I started the year very excited, albeit a little scared. There were ups and downs, subjects I adored, professors who were amazing, then there were classes I skipped (yes, even in grad school) and the professors I dreaded hearing lecture. Then the motivation was gone. I am not entirely sure why. Health Psychology is something that I do like. Perhaps what I missed was a gap year, to take a break from academics. The summer that I took off was not enough.

So here’s another advice: if you feel like you need a break, take it. No one knows you better than you. Maybe you don’t need a break, maybe you can go into grad school right away and nail those several years. If not, rest. Grad school won’t go away.

In my personal experience, I don’t regret the decision of not taking a gap year. I had an enjoyable year. I just don’t know if I would make that decision again given a second chance.  

8. Is the workload different from undergrad? If so, how? Do you do more work now or is it about the same? Do you have days off? Any tips for adjusting to the workload in graduate school?

It’s rather difficult to compare the workload between undergrad and grad school. In undergrad, the classes were spaced out during the week, Monday to Friday, usually every day; there was a lot of homework, a lot of reading. Now, the days I need to physically go into class range from two to maximum three, as a way to benefit students who also work. The readings are still just as plenty but I guess undergrad teaches what to read, what to skim and what to pretend to have read. For homework, well... It’s all about whether you manage your time right. If I did my assignments at the rate I allowed myself in undergrad, I would have failed the year. The expectations are much higher, instructions are fewer, and getting used to writing papers in my native tongue after doing it in English for four years has been difficult. Do not even get me started on the length. Enjoy undergrad while you can.

Key to getting everything done comes down to time management, multitasking and a few other things I would like to briefly expand upon. One, it is crucial to communicate with your professors. Look at your assignment due dates (make a list of those) in advance. If you see that a semester worth of assignments is crammed into a single week, tell them. The professors can and usually adjust the dates to benefit the students. Unless they are told hours before or after the due date. Two, for the love of puppies, take time off. Go see a movie, read a book, invite a friend over for tea, whatever you like, the important part is that you don’t fry your brain trying to do everything in one sitting. Leave that for the midterms and finals. Everyone says they will study ahead but no one does. Cure? None.

9. How do you manage your time? Are there any productivity/time management apps/tools that you use?

As said above, time management is crucial. To better succeed at it, I have all of my due dates for assignments listed. It helps me decide which projects are a priority, how much time I can dedicate to each, by when I should be done.

Another tool is making a list of everything that needs to be done, say, in a day. Write it down on a sticky note, a piece of paper, whichever; it helps to keep focused. It is also very satisfying to cross things out.

Lastly, I would like to promote Zotero or Refworks when it comes to making “References”. It saves a lot of time and frustration. It stashes all the read articles in a single place and makes references for you with a few single clicks. Saved me hours!!!

10. What was the application process like for grad school for you? Did you have to do a lot more/or less in comparison to undergrad? Did you have to have an interview?

Contrary to undergrad application, which has a national-wide online system to help you out, applying to grad school is on you. Every university has different application dates and deadlines and there are always the application fees. Universities also limit to how many of their programs you can apply to. Mine had four (for both paid and government financed studies), meanwhile another university I applied to had twelve. Most require to come for an interview. Applying is rather stressful and much more independent. Though, at that point in life, it’s not something you can’t handle.

11. Since you had to do an interview, please share what kind of questions they asked you and any tips that you have preparing for an interview.

As much as I would love to share my interview experience, I am afraid it’s already mostly lost to me. I was super stressed out on the day because it was my number one choice program. What I do remember was being asked why I wanted to study in their university, why the particular program, would I still come to study there if I did not receive a scholarship (which was an option for me) and if I could read 10 English books in a year (still don’t know the point of that). I think they also asked me to tell them about my professional experience. Not that any undergrad has much. It then helps to speak of conferences, what you’ve attended, if you’ve presented somewhere.

Interviews are scary, but they shouldn’t be. Just remember that the interview is such a small tiny thing. Even if it doesn’t work out the first time, you can try again. A lot depends on our cognitions. If we tell ourselves it is frightening, then we make it so, in turn making ourselves more prone to “stress mistakes”. If we don’t, it’s not. I think I remember telling myself: “whatever happens, happens”, before going inside. That helped. Besides, the outcome depends as much on the interviewers’ moods, personalities and personal bias, as it does on your personal input. 

More specifically, to please the interviewer(s) you should look up your program. Knowing what classes you may be able to take and gushing how excited you would be to take them is really a bonus. Tell them how it aligns with your professional interests, so have at least some idea what your professional interests are.

12. What are the top 3 study tips that you use while studying for your masters degree?

Write down due dates and start completing the assignments at least several days before it has to be turned in.

Do readings on time.

Make detailed ‘to-do’ lists for the assignments at hand. Cross off completed work to feel better.

13. I know that this is the most annoying question, but after your masters studies, do you have an idea of what you would like to do? Talk about your dream career choice. What kind of further schooling you will need to achieve it?

Doing my practicum has helped me realise that I would really like to work as a health psychologist. I found that I rather enjoy doing psychological evaluations and counselling people. I am well aware that I still lack the skill and the practice. It makes me look forward to the second practicum, where I will get a chance to improve and learn more. And after I am done, I hope I can apply my knowledge and continue to improve as I work. I do wish to go into one of the psychology schools and become a psychotherapist. Perhaps, sometime later in life, once I’ve rested from the academics and actually earned the money necessary to further my studies. We’ll see. I’d like to be hopeful and encourage the same in others.

I hope you enjoyed this interview and a massive thank you to my friend for agreeing to answer questions and talk more about her experience in graduate school! If you would like to read more from me, click HERE to see other blog posts! You can also follow my studygram HERE for some inspiration! 

[helplesslyfictional]

Loki Fanfiction - Remember the Old Ways, Chapter 6 - “All Untold”

Author’s Note: Everything’s starting to coalesce, a little faster than I anticipated! Writing this chapter was intense, exciting, and took a lot more careful thought than I expected.

Chapter Summary: Loki tries to use his new method of communication before his day gets increasingly out of control. Pairings: None! These stories are focused on family relationships.

What characters, then?   Loki, Thor, Odin, Frigga, OCs [Osk] [Sophia]

When? Pre-Thor 2011: From Asgard to Earth, will go through Thor 2011 Warnings: SPOILERS for Avengers Infinity War (under cut), mature themes, emotional trauma/abuse, swearing, anxiety Taglist: @loki-the-fox; @i-am-loki-and-now-i-speak-up; @trickster-grrrl; @deviantredhead; @mylokabrennauniverse; @leanmeanand-green; @juliabohemian; @latent-thoughts; @lucianalight; @nox-th-lk-sf; @be-a-snake-stab-your-brother; @starscreamloki Please let me know if you would like to be added/removed from tags and I’m more than happy to do so! If I added you it’s because I’ve been tracking your blog/work and have noticed you might be interested. :) 

AO3 story link; Wattpad

It wasn’t until he was eating breakfast adjacent to his chambers, as he usually did, that Loki realized nothing strange had happened for over twelve hours. No strange feelings, no dreams, visions, or visitations. Given the course of the past couple days, this seemed a little unusual, but was honestly a relief.

Loki had a few things he wanted to explore himself, primarily the nature of the enchantment Osk had laid upon him. With her death, it was possible the enchantment was broken. Despite the warnings he’d always been told about the unknown costs of magic, he almost hoped it wasn’t. He had been concerned about the vulnerability it created by exposing him to emotion, but now he almost...missed it. Why did he feel that way?

The connection of the ruins he had visited to this magic - Loki elected to call it seidr - seemed strong, but he wondered if he’d be able to call upon it elsewhere. If the enchantment was still there, perhaps he could connect once more to Sophia. If she was in fact their sibling, he needed to find out more information.

Getting up, he put on a jacket and moved to a nearby cushioned bench in his sitting area. When he was sleeping, he hadn’t felt the magic preceding his visitation, so he was unsure of where to start. If he used the same method as in the ruins, he worried he would not visit but instead inhabit her body. Which would likely ruin whatever communication they had.

He closed his eyes, trying to remember the place Sophia occupied. Orange carpet. Wood walls. A strangely embroidered couch, tattered and worn. Sophia, with eyes of green and brown, her brown hair and petite body as she pressed against the wall with fear and curiosity.

That didn’t help, so he turned to what he’d felt from her, the despair, loneliness, sadness, and pain. He tried not to get wrapped up in the emotion, but as he brought them up, it was hard not to let it curl around him and bring forth memories.

Before he could stop himself, he recalled crying in this same room as a young boy, leaning up against his bed, the mattress rail pushing against his back. He couldn’t remember the slight - there had been so many - but as he had tried to push down that sadness, he had stared at the scratches on his floor tiles, inscribing his pain into each of them. He couldn’t tell anyone how he felt, so he mentally wrote those feelings into those scratches.

Before he realized it, however, the memory shifted, and instead of his gold-inlaid bed, the rail was mahogany, and instead of tile, there was beige carpet. Inscribed with pain, in each and every flaw, was a scalloped wallpaper. Reaching out with a child’s fingers, he pressed them against the wall, feeling a thousand whispers and emotions there. All untold.

Then he began to feel it, a broadening of the self, reaching across the distance of the universe. If he were doing it himself, he might have felt afraid there would be no reply. But he knew otherwise. As though answered, he felt a glowing warmth towards which he reached with an eagerness he hadn’t expected from himself.

A brief spell of happiness passed from his head to his toes, and then he was there.

“It’s you!” It was her voice. Both joy and fear - Sophia’s, he realized - coursed through him before he could even adjust. This was a different room. Same walls and carpet, but the space was dominated by a bed. She had just stood up from a faded blue chair, which was still rocking. “I can’t believe it!” She was smiling, but seemed confused.

Loki blinked, looking carefully at Sophia. “Why can’t you believe it?” he asked reflexively, then chided himself. Asking questions back at people was a defensive mechanism of his to stall for time. He quickly glanced around the room, almost taking for granted its tidiness.

Her smile faded. “I just...I thought if you were a hallucination I’d only see you when I’m in the greatest amount of distress. But I suppose if I’m hallucinating now…”

Loki shook his head and snapped his fingers to bring her attention back to him. “I can assure you, once again, that I’m not a figment of your mind. Please, let’s not go through the entire argument.”

She hesitated, then skirted around him to close her door softly. “My parents are home,” she said softly. “They shouldn’t hear us, but if I’m too loud they’ll wonder what I’m doing.”

“I understand,” he said, then shuddered as he wondered what his body was doing in Asgard. Was he speaking aloud? Moving? What if his mother came in?

He should have set up a ward. Why was he making juvenile mistakes?

“Whoa, I might be okay right now, but you clearly aren’t,” said Sophia, who was eying him curiously. “I can feel that - what are you so worried about?”

“Nothing,” he said quickly, “Have you recovered from yesterday?”

“Of course not, I haven’t recovered,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You don’t recover from something like that, you just hope you don’t feel like that again. But,” she said, squinting, “don’t change the subject. You want to prove you’re real? Then what are you worried about?”

Loki squirmed. He didn’t like this, he didn’t think he’d be able to hide a lie if she could feel his emotions. “I’m worried I’ll be discovered on my end. I made a mistake and didn’t protect myself properly.”

“On your end?” Sophia looked dubious.

Loki felt even more anxious as he pictured his mother coming in. “Hold on,” he said, “I don’t know what will happen, but I’m going to see if I can fix that. If I’m gone, I have an idea how to re-establish...this.”

Closing his eyes, Loki focused on his body, trying to find where he felt the bench pressing against his thighs and the faint smell of pine. Feeling slightly dizzy, he increasingly felt the bench, as though waking up, and opened his eyes.

The connection - Loki didn’t think of it as a spell - was still active, it seemed. He didn’t feel differently. Looking down at his arms, Loki didn’t see Osk’s magic, which surprised him. Getting up quickly, he quickly laid down a ward to alarm him and trip someone coming in through the door. In an effort to deter a visitor, he wove an illusion of himself still sleeping in bed.

As he finished laying it down, he heard a gasp. Whipping around while simultaneously preparing a sleep spell, he stopped short when he saw Sophia standing a few feet away.

Her eyes widened as she saw the glimmering magic he was holding. She didn’t say anything, but began trembling. It wasn’t in fear, however. He sensed she was overwhelmed.

Understandably.

Allowing the spell to dissipate from his fingers, Loki slowly walked towards the woman. It was likely she was present in the same way he had visited her - her body remaining in her home. Though how, he didn’t yet comprehend.

“How - how…” She opened her mouth, but couldn’t articulate anything.

“The same way I visited you,” Loki said gently. “Sophia, it’s alright. This is good, in fact. We’re figuring this out.” Perhaps if he kept talking, it might help her ground herself.

“My mind wouldn’t be able...to imagine this much detail…” she said, slowly turning to look at the architecture.

Loki never really thought about what his chambers looked like, since he had seen them every day. The ceilings were painted in Asgardian style with clouds and stars, stirring with gentle movement. Tall pillars on the sides held up the ceiling, with gilded partitions dividing the area where he slept, spent time, and ate. The cushioned benches around him, with end tables, were kept in a dark blue with small embroidered stars. A balcony with ornate railings stood outside, the city and mountains providing a breathtaking view.

He considered teasing her once again about things being in her head, but he realized she was in a tenuous state. She might reject the connection or grow despondent.

Reaching out slowly, he touched her on the shoulder. Sophia jumped and looked at him wide-eyed.

“Welcome to Asgard,” he said softly.

“It’s a real place, isn’t it.” Finally, it was sinking in. “This must be real, or if it’s a delusion, it’s incredible. I don’t care.” A smile crept across her face. “I mean, it’s everything. Smells, sight - is that snow? Touch…” at this, she reached up and touched his arm, shaking her head, “Sounds...except taste, that’s all that’s left.”

Loki smiled, letting go of her shoulder. “It was the same when I visited you as well.” This was the first time he’d gotten close to her. He had noticed she was short previously, but wasn’t quite aware of how short - probably a foot below him.

She frowned, her mind clearly working. “If this is a method of communication - then how is it even possible I can use all these senses?” She walked toward a partition, touching the edge almost reverently.

He’d forgotten about her curiosity. “I’m not certain myself,” he said, “it’s odd that it’s as though you are...present. It’s possible that my mind could be sending you the signals it’s receiving on this end.” He shook his head, thinking aloud. “What is strange to me is that we can touch something that the other isn’t touching and still receive the stimuli…”

Loki’s musings were interrupted by three sharp bangs on his door. Fuck. It was definitely Thor.

Sophia’s eyes met his and he felt her rising worry. He put his finger on his lips to indicate she should keep quiet, and didn’t move himself. Hopefully Thor would get bored or think he wasn’t there.

Three more bangs. “Lokiiiiiiii.” There was a *thok* against the door that was probably Thor’s forehead. “Come on.” A pause. “I need to talk with you.” Another pause. “Goddamnit.” Then he heard Thor walking away and relaxed.

He dropped his finger. “I apologize,” he said. “That was just my brother, Thor.”

“Oh,” she said sarcastically. “Just the famous god of thunder. Got it.”

“Hey,” Loki said, acting hurt. “I’m not famous on….” he paused. “Where are you from, Sophia?”

“You don’t know?” she asked wryly, then winced. “Obviously you don’t, sorry. Earth.” She paused briefly. “Do you feel anything from him? The same way we’re communicating?”

“No, this is exclusively between us, I believe.” He cocked his head, then considered what she said about her home world. “There’s a lot of places that are just called ‘home,’ or ‘planet’ in their mother tongue, and that name is translating to the same.”

She blinked. “Translating…? Well, I suppose if you were to put it in terms of the Nine Realms, this was called Middle-Earth. Midgard. Back then.” She gave a small smile. “And no, unfortunately, you’re not as famous as your brother.”

“Ah well,” said Loki playfully, shrugging, “I guess you get to spend time with the lesser of the gods.”

“But far more interesting!” Sophia said with a laugh.

Loki gestured to a nearby bench. “Are you able to sit down?” he asked curiously. It was likely, but still important to check how the apparition interacted with matter. She did so dutifully, crossing her legs.

“Yep.”

“Interesting,” said Loki, going to an side table and grabbing a plum. Taste was the only sense untested. If Sophia wasn’t present physically, would something like that, which required matter, even be possible?

It was worth a try.

“Catch,” he said, and tossed the plum to her. With a smooth motion, she caught it and examined it. Then her eyes widened. “Oh,” she said quietly.

“Yes,” he said in response, “you’re interacting with matter. Can you take a bite?”

Sophia hesitated, then took a petite bite, having to suck at it so that juice didn’t dribble down her chin. Holding her hand in front of her mouth as she chewed, she smiled and swallowed. “It’s good and ripe.”

Loki rubbed his mouth contemplatively; he didn’t taste anything. “Interesting,” he repeated, crouching down to look at her closely. When she swallowed, was it transferring between Realms? Looking at him wide-eyed, she asked politely, “May I take another bite?”

A smile spread across his face. “Of course.” Then a test came to him. “Can you focus on being in Midgard once more?”

She looked at him, trying to understand. “What do you mean?”

“When I brought...myself...back here, I tried to focus on what my body was feeling here, while I was sitting.”

“Oh, yes, it simply looked like you closed your eyes on my end.”

“My - apparition didn’t vanish? Did you touch me at all?”

“No to both. So you want me to focus on my...body?”

“If you can.”

Sophia looked around for a spot to put down the plum. “Oh!” Loki said quickly, “no, try and hang onto that. I’m curious about something.”

“You want to see if I have it on Earth - Midgard - don’t you.”

Loki grinned, surprised at how enjoyable it was to speak with her. He’d never expected a discussion with someone from a lesser Realm would be at all interesting. “It’s just a test. Smart of you to catch it, though.”

Sophia smiled smugly and placed the hand holding the plum in her lap. Closing her eyes, she drew in a measured breath. Her forehead wrinkled as she seemed to try and focus, then she grew still.

The plum vanished.

Loki’s heart beat faster in surprise and anticipation, relishing the chance to examine something extraordinary. While this phenomenon was not impossible, given the laws of science and magic, it was nigh improbable.

Could he go back? He closed his eyes and tried to focus on Sophia’s room once more. A brief spell of dizziness, and opening his eyes, he was there.

Sophia sat on her bed, eating the plum. “I can’t believe it - does this mean that…”

“Matter is transferring between Asgard and Midgard!” he burst out, laughing at his childish enthusiasm. “This is - amazing - it’s like…” he hated to say it, because it was so inaccurate, but it seemed so correct to describe the circumstance. “Like...a miracle.”

Sophia took another bite, smiling. “Your happiness is infectious,” she said, trying to hold back laughter herself. “Oh, am I - I’m probably feeling yours, aren’t I.” Her eyes crinkled with joy. “That’s not a bad thing.”

Loki was still in thought, amused. Sophia looked around at her room and shook her head. “I’m here all the time - let’s go back to Asgard, it’s much more interesting than this hellhole.” With that, she grew still once more.

Excited, Loki focused and switched back to Asgard; it was becoming easier.

She was still there on the bench, this time with the plum. Overcome with sheer joy, he didn’t think - he ran over and grabbed her in a hug, lifting her up off her feet. She shrieked in surprise, then laughed, relaxing in his embrace and squeezing back.

Loki’s anxieties rushed back, however, and he blushed, putting her down. “I apologize,” he said, stepping back. “I hope you weren’t offended.” He couldn’t believe he’d broken decorum in such a manner. It was just so exhilarating to share such an experience with someone else.

He hadn’t done so in a long time. Not since his days learning magic with his mother.

Sophia’s smile faded. “You’d know if I was uncomfortable, I think. And I truly don’t mind. I’m not used to being touched, but - it felt good to finally hug someone,” she said in a reassuring tone.

Before he could respond, there was a thud, and, horrified, Loki looked up to see his brother on the balcony.

“I knew you were in here!” Thor said accusingly, fastening Mjolnir to his belt. “Why didn’t you answer your door?”

Sophia bolted up from the bench and stared in surprise. Loki glanced at her, then back at Thor. “Maybe because I need a thing called ‘privacy’?” he growled.

Thor rolled his eyes. “What could you possibly be doing that needs privacy?”

Loki frowned, blinking rapidly as he tried to think of a coherent response to such a stupid question.

Thor reached over and selected a plum, tossing it in the air before catching it and taking a bite. Loki winced once more at the crunch. Another plum taken before it was ripe.

By this point, Loki had expected that Thor would have noticed Sophia, who drew closer to Loki. She still hadn’t said a word, presumably in case she could be heard, even if she couldn’t be seen.

“I recall you not wanting to know about some of my activities,” he said defensively.

“Oh please, brother,” Thor said nonchalantly, “that all went out the window last night.” He hopped over the back of a bench and sat down.

“Did it?” Loki’s anger rose. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t tell when the rules changed. Your threat was effective, so I don’t necessarily know when it’s appropriate to talk with you or not.”

“Alright, calm down,” Thor said with a frown. “No more threats. I need to speak with you.”

Loki put his face in his hands, trying to contain how upset he was.

“Don’t keep it in.” It was Sophia.

Shit, she could feel his emotions. Loki looked up at Thor, who hadn’t moved and was taking another bite of his plum.

Sophia crossed her arms and he felt a pang of her nervousness as she addressed him. “If you’re this upset by what he’s doing, you need to tell him.”

That seemed like a bad idea. He didn’t know what to say, how to articulate how he was feeling in a way that made sense. If he just lashed out, Thor would likely discount it or, he feared, get angry.

Loki flexed his hands nervously as he wished he could get rid of either visitor. He felt exposed, nowhere safe to go, not even inside himself. “What is it, Thor?”

Thor looked up at him and seemed to hesitate, playing with the half-eaten plum in his hand. “Um…” He squinted, giving a confused frown as he tried to hide it behind a false smile. “You know what, nevermind.” With that, he got up.

What? Why all the fuss? “Thor! You invaded my room for this. The least you owe me is a little explanation.”

Thor stopped. He was looking down at his feet, shifting uncomfortably, but didn’t move. Such a sudden change in his demeanor from his arrogant self moments ago certainly meant that Thor was trying to tell him something important.

Moving away from Loki, Sophia slowly began to cross the sitting area, moving toward Thor, peering at him intently. Given the way most women acted around his brother, Loki expected her to be smitten. As he concentrated, he found himself better able to feel her less prominent emotions.

She was filled with curiosity, but more interestingly, there were undercurrents of bittersweet sadness, confusion, and a strange sense of fulfilment. She squinted her eyes as though trying to figure something out.

Finally turning his attention to Thor, Loki spoke. “Is this about what upset you yesterday?”

Thor looked up, as though interrupted with thought, with a pained smile, reaching up to rub his beard with his hand. “You know, I’d never thought anything like this would happen.” He set the plum down almost gently. “I was upset because…” he squeezed his eyes closed, “I saw the future.” With that, he opened them, likely to gauge Loki’s reaction.

Loki’s jaw dropped as he stared at his brother. Thor had been so resistant to everything, so angry, and Osk’s prediction had come true. If so, why was Thor seemingly filled with trepidation?

“I know it seems strange. The night after we met Osk, I had a vision. For a while afterward I thought it was a dream, but...it was no dream.” Thor sat down, rubbing his hands together. “It was too real, too vivid. I could have sworn I was there had I not known otherwise.”

“Thor,” said Loki, coming closer and sitting down, “I had a vision as well. The next morning.”

Thor met his gaze, his eyes widening. “What was it about?”

“You first,” said Loki, a smile passing over his face.

Thor leaned back, rubbing his face vigorously. “But I don’t want to.”

Loki’s smile faded. “Was it bad?”

His brother slouched down and started hitting his head slowly, repeatedly, against the back of the bench. “Yep.”

Loki saw movement out of the corner of his eye and nearly jumped when he saw Sophia. He’d briefly forgotten she was still there. She had her arms crossed and was watching the exchange with great interest. He shook his head to focus. “Brother, you’ll have to tell me at some point.”

Thor let out a sigh of resignation, but remained slouched, staring at the ceiling. “I was in a large vessel that had been attacked. Loki, it was like I was truly there; I could smell ozone and smoke. Blood was in my mouth and I was exhausted, wounded.”

“So you were not an apparition or an observer?” asked Loki, leaning forward and clasping his hands.

“No, I was - I was there. I can’t explain it - I - I had a thousand emotions running through me that I didn’t understand, but they weren’t coming from me. Grief, anger, fear, sadness.” He sat back up, looking at Loki, then down at his hands. “Around me were…” his voice trailed off. It took him a couple seconds before he was able to say the words. “Asgardians. Slaughtered. Not warriors or Einherjar, but men, women, and children.”

Loki was stunned, but managed to force out his first thought, as much as he hated it: “By you?”

Thor shook his head, too wrapped up in the memory to notice the implication. “By enemies. Their faces and forms I could not make out, but like in a dream, I knew who they were. Loki - Loki - you were...there.”

He looked up into Loki’s eyes, then back down, gritting his teeth until at last he spoke. “Pointing your dagger at the throat of a Titan. He had stopped you by some magic and - took you by the throat…” Running his fingers up into his hair, Thor pulled on it, a nervous habit he had from when he was a child. “...and...killed you.”

A chill ran down Loki’s spine, settling into his stomach as he tried to understand what Thor was telling him. “You saw me die.”

Thor rocked a little, then wiped his eyes quickly, still avoiding eye contact with Loki. “I didn’t just - see it, brother. I felt it. Howling grief ripping me apart, a pain like I’ve never known. I wish - I wish I could diminish its memory, but…” He clapped his hands together, giving a fake laugh. “I can’t, I just can’t.”

Loki was stunned. In comparison, his vision was minimal. Nothing. Thor, unable to help? Stopped by magic? What magic was stronger than his? He shook his head, trying to stop the multitude of questions flooding his mind.

Thor was clearly distraught, and Loki realized he was as well, but - no. Well, yes. But it wasn’t just his emotion. He’d been so focused on his brother he’d blocked out the sounds of crying next to him.

Sophia had her face in her hands and was trying to stifle the sounds of her weeping. Loki was acutely aware that if he gave her attention, he would alert his brother to something amiss. As much as he wanted to speak with her and help, he couldn’t.

He didn’t know how Thor would react.

Loki finally spoke, giving voice to his biggest question. “Thor, are you certain this vision was of the future?”

Thor looked up, that pain etched behind his eyes. “In many ways, that’s the worst part of it all.” He looked away from Loki into the distance. “Along with it, I felt - I know the approximate time.”

Loki frowned, looking at his brother in disbelief. “That’s not possible.”

“And seeing the future is?” Thor wrinkled his nose. “Seems like this all is...defying nature.”

“How long, then, do you think?”

Thor closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before he spoke. “Eight years.”

Loki gasped and bolted upright. “You’re joking! Tell me you’re joking.”

“I wish I was, brother. I wish I didn’t need to tell you, but keeping it secret - it was too hard. I’m sorry. I’m - I’m so, so sorry.”

His mind reeled at the thought. It was a death sentence. Eight years was nothing, a blink. It might as well be tomorrow.

Thor crossed over to him, enveloping him in a hug. As hard as he tried not to, Loki began to shake at the specter of his own demise.

Over his heartbeat in his ears, he heard Sophia’s voice, and it took a few moments to register what she was saying.

“He’s holding something back,” she was saying shakily, “I don’t know how I know, but it’s important.”

What could be more important than this? Wrestling himself out of Thor’s embrace, he snapped. “SHUT UP! Would you fuck off, please?!”

Thor stepped back, his eyes wide. “I - “

“Not you!” Loki said vehemently.

The woman flinched, more tears running down her face. “I don’t know how - “

“Figure it out!”

She shrunk back. “I’ll try…”

“Brother.” Thor sounded concerned. “Are you alright? I know this is hard news…”

Loki laughed ironically. “No - no. I am very much not alright. Eight years...” He paced back and forth anxiously, then turned to Thor. “Tell me you know more than this. Some way out, something.”

Several expressions crossed Thor’s face. “I’m sorry, Loki. I didn’t see more that night.” He scowled, curling his hands into fists. “This isn’t right. I don’t understand how those goddamned Seers could have dealt with something like this. It’s a curse.” He shook his head. “No one should have this power, no one! Not even such knowledge.”

Loki continued to walk, trying to collect himself, his mind going all over the place but shrinking back at the thought of him...ending. Not existing.

He stopped suddenly. “Please tell me it was at least an honorable death,” he said softly, not daring look at his brother.

“It was,” said Thor tersely.

Loki looked at him. “Would you tell me if it wasn’t?” His heart grew heavier in his chest, and he felt once more like that young child, ready to weep.

Thor’s eyes widened. “You can’t ask me that, brother. I can’t tell you.”

Loki felt a rising agitation, turning to see Sophia still standing there. Her eyes widened. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I’m trying - I just can’t focus, there’s so much going on...”

He didn’t know how to deal with this, all of this. It was far too overwhelming. Sophia, the past, the future, Thor...all of it. He put his head in his hands. Thor came close once more, putting his hand on Loki’s arm.

“Is the future set in stone?” Sophia’s voice cut through his mind once more. “It just seems that…”

Loki leaned his head back in frustration, then looked directly at her. “Go. Home,” he said through gritted teeth.

She took a step forward this time, and he felt her rising anger. “No. This is important,” she said. “I don’t know how this is happening, but I do know there’s something more going on.”

“Loki, with whom are you speaking? Is this another trick?” Thor asked. “If it’s a trick, it’s not a very good one.”

“No! It’s not a trick!” Loki couldn’t focus, couldn’t find the part of himself where he could collect, draw himself together and put on the mask other people saw. Thor had opened a vulnerability and he had no way to hide. It felt like his mind was beginning to scream.

It was in that moment that something changed. He no longer was breathing fast, heart pounding, adrenaline racing. The difference was dizzying, and he tried to focus when he heard his own voice.

“I’m sorry if I’m causing you concern, Thor, it’s just that I’m scared myself.”

Blinking, he saw himself - or his body - from a different perspective. As he stared at himself, he saw Sophia, somehow, as though the two bodies were transposed upon one another. He was, no doubt, in her position. A rage began building up within him as he realized his body had been stolen from him.

Thor eyed Sophia carefully. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

She crossed his - her - arms and said, defensively, “What else aren’t you telling me?”

Shifting suddenly, Thor pulled back, searching his brother’s eyes. “You’re perceptive, Loki. I always underestimate that.” He paused. “It’s too soon, brother. This vision was hard enough.”

Sophia looked at him sharply. “There’s another vision, then?”

Thor blinked. “Yes. But Loki - why not take some time to deal with…”

“Let’s get it all out there; you said you couldn’t keep this a secret. I’ll tell you what I saw afterwards.”

Shifting, Thor took a deep breath and let it out, seemingly trying to concentrate. “My second vision came last night,” he said. “I was not asleep, so I was more aware of the...feelings beforehand. I will say, for something that is so cursed a power, the feeling of...connection to Time itself is exhilarating. I don’t practice magic as you do, but I imagine that it’s what it feels like.”

Loki was seething, trying to figure out how the woman had taken his body. He’d tried focusing to no avail. This strange magic was disconcerting. Trying to deepen his breaths, he closed his eyes, trying to remember what it felt like to be in his own body.

“This vision was different, and had I not been prepared, knowing now what it was, I would have thought it more akin to a dream. As you asked before, this time I was an observer of events, not a participant. I stood upon a battlefield of verdant green, scarred with war, on a planet I did not know. Around me were warriors locked in combat. A sound like the sharpest crack of thunder crossed the battlefield, and around me every other warrior fell to ashen dust.”

Loki couldn’t focus as his brother went on. He felt as though he needed to listen; it was too important. His brother’s tone was just as grave as it was when describing the first vision.

“The vision changed, and I saw people living their lives on different worlds in different Realms, some familiar, some not. Around me families cried out as loved ones disintegrated. Over. And over. And over. And over.” Thor’s eyes were distant and his face grew almost cold. “I thought it would never end.”

This was Loki’s chance while Sophia was likely distracted. He focused quickly on his body, mentally trying to oust Sophia.

It worked. Relief flooded his veins as he regained his senses, eyes already trained on his brother’s face.

Glaring over at Sophia, who crossed her arms with a huff, he turned to Thor. “It must have been difficult.”

“Not as difficult as my first vision, but yes. I think it’s the event that...Osk mentioned.”

Loki searched his memory. “The great wrong.”

“Yes. It certainly...feels like it’s the event that is the source of that dread I’ve been feeling since the first vision we shared.”

Loki’s feelings were pushed to the background as his curiosity was peaked. “Interesting. Did you get the same sense of timing as with the first vision?”

Thor nodded and paused. Licking his lips, he finally said, “Eight years.”

Loki shook his head, beginning to slowly pace once more.

“Believe me,” Thor said, “I’ve tried to discern what further meaning I could, but. After last night’s vision, I knew I couldn’t hold this from you.”

Loki held up a hand. “I understand.” He sighed. “It seems like both these events are…” his voice drifted off as he failed to find the right word.

Both of them stood lost in thought.

Loki slowly turned, watching as Sophia walked closer to Thor, scrutinizing him. Then she looked back at Loki. “I don’t understand it. I don’t - I - “ she laughed in disbelief.

Loki closed his eyes at her reaction. This day could not get worse.

“I can feel his emotions the same way I’m feeling yours.”

Loki opened his eyes and stared at her, his heart beginning to beat faster. He bit his tongue, trying not to say anything.

She shook her head, “I mean, I don’t get a lot of what’s going on, but this I feel - so sure about. I’ve never seen him before, but…” Uncertain, she started picking at her hand. “Loki, I saw what he saw in his vision as he ran it through his head. Not when he described it, but beforehand. That’s why I was so upset.” He felt a pang of desperation and hope as she asked, “Have you had anything like that happen so far?”

Loki shook his head only a little bit.

Sophia moved closer and, before Loki could say anything, touched Thor gently on the arm.

“BLAGH!” he shouted, jumping back suddenly, before pointing a finger at Sophia. “Where the FUCK did she come from?!”

Loki was wrong. The day could get worse.

[sleeplessinsiswati]

Learning to Learn—A Day in the Life

Life is. God is. Love is. I have found that the best things in life are often times indescribable in nature; sure, attributes and characteristics are easily noted, but the heart of the matter is not to be spoken on so much as felt. We know they exist because of how they make us feel, and how alive they are in us and around us. 

Long before I came to the country of eSwatini, long before I even decided I wanted to join the Peace Corps, I made the decision I had to get out of the United States. America, as some would call it, for all it’s glorious opportunities, was little more than a overused and outdated ideal that fostered little more than coerced silence and disillusioned bitterness from it’s citizens. I felt that I for one was suffocating, screaming with words trapped in collapsing lungs; I was desperately trying to breathe the air of a freedom I could not find in my mother country. Around the time that I realized that because of the color of my skin, because of my radical convictions and unapologetic perspectives I would never be accepted in America, I almost immediately wanted to belong somewhere else. 

It was in this season of my life that I began to read like I never had before; intensely, feverishly searching for an answer. In all honesty, I never exactly found what I was looking for; well, I mean, I never found what I was looking for in a book. Despite this, that time in my life planted a seed. That seed would grow into a burning desire, which eventually became my becoming a Peace Corps volunteer in the country of eSwatini (Swaziland), Africa. It was not until I arrived in eSwatini that I felt the closing of a full circle, and the beginning of a new journey with new questions and new lessons to learn. Now, a new seed was planted in me—maybe here, in this country, I can belong to the land, the people; maybe here, in this land of Black people, I can taste the air of liberation. 

 After a few days of settling in with my cohort of 46, including myself and my wife, we began our training prior to our official Peace Corps Service (Pre-Service Training, PST). It was the beginning of a 3-month-long training process that included technical, medical, cultural, diversity/inclusion, security, and personal mental health trainings in order to prepare you for service. The stakes were high—do well on your assessments, and you stay in country and move on to your service. Do poorly, and you risk returning home. When we first arrived in country we lived in a dormitory style apartment building, and would walk the breezeway to our conference room to begin trainings around 8:00 am. A few weeks later, we moved to our temporary in-community homesteads as a means of further integration and preparation for our permanent sites.

The first month was definitely an adjustment—no access to running water in our home, with home consisting of one a room house that wasn’t big enough to house much more than our (Angel and myself) luggage, a queen-sized bed, and a table.  Despite these minor inconveniences, we had a very loving and helpful Make (mother), Make Mdaka, who made sure every day we were fed and not late to our morning language classes. She also had a very sizeable homestead (the property that she owned which constituted a chicken coop, two planting fields, a garden, and several avocado and banana trees) which had three houses, including our own, and one house which had both running water and electricity which we were allowed to enter and use upon request. Honestly, we kind of had it made when it comes to temporary sites.

Other than that, our daily schedule generally was as follows—

5:30 am- Wake up and do morning routine (iron or steam clothes; pack bags; make breakfast)

7:00 am- SiSwati language class (Sentence structure; vocabulary; verb tense; sentence construction)

9:30 am- Ride Peace Corps transport to training site (IDM or SIMPA institues) for technical, security, diversity, etc. trainings

4:30 pm- Ride bus home to temporary site

5:00 pm- Settle in at home and begin evening routine (Boil and filter water for drinking; cook dinner; practice siSwati with Make)

7:30 pm- Watch a few movies or tv shows on hard drive

9:30 to 11:00 pm- Call it a night and get ready for the next day

I would say that one of the biggest challenges I have faced in my time here is learning to learn, over and over again. No matter how much you know about yourself, other people, other cultures, institutions, whatever, you must put yourself in a constant space of being willing to learn again. Whether it’s the ways of the culture, the language itself, the nuances of etiquette, or a simple trip to the store, this experience of intrinsic learning has been constant ever since my arrival. Blackness, as another example, for all it’s beauty and diversity, is not a monolith. Though I have loved connecting with umdeni wami (my family) in the African Diaspora, especially in the Motherland of Africa, it would be dismissive of me to not acknowledge there are differences between us. Furthermore, it has been challenging addressing questions that come with the nature of our being in-country as volunteers— “Are you a spy?” “Donald Trump does not even like Black people. How did you get this job?” “Why is it that volunteers always come here, but we never have volunteers go there?” “Can you just give us the money and we can do it ourselves?” The realities of imperialism and capitalism, and their effects, are felt on both a conscious and subconscious level by all involved parties at all times. Yes, we are both Black; No, we are not exactly the same. In some ways we are worlds apart, and my being here could potentially inflict as much pain as it could help. Being able to see that not unlike the missionaries and colonizers which once (and still do) settled in this country, that I can inflict damage to the self-perception of the people of this beautiful country and what they perceive as their ability to create and find solutions to concerns in their communities, is a very sobering reality. 

That said, there are times of bonding along the lines of shared experience that are utterly indescribable. It is beautiful witnessing the ways in which Black people have connections across ethnic cultures that are practically impossible considering the span of space and time. And yet, there are signs—the dancing, the rhythm, the love and compassion, the viewing of time as fluid and humanity as intricately connected with Nature— and ways of life that are deeply embedded in the fabric of Black people despite being separated and unbeknownst to either people; this, for me, is both humbling and encouraging. Despite what we may believe in the States, Black America is not too far off from the Mother and her ways. 

There have been learning curves too, interacting and fellowship within our cohort. No group of people is perfect, so long as there are people in it and our group of 43 volunteers is no different. Egos, destructive criticisms, and back-biting are all possible realities of strangers coming together to accomplish any goal. We decided as a group that our cohort name would be Simunye (meaning “We are United; We are One” in siSwati), but the chemistry of our group has not always been one of unity (and still isn’t…it’s a process). For me, coming from an HBCU undergraduate background and a very ground roots racist, institutionally neoliberal PWI for graduate school, I initially had my reservations concerning connecting with people whose backgrounds I do not know and intentions I cannot always perceive, especially White with people. Despite these prejudices I had, I have come to understand and believe that through vulnerability, transparency, patience, perseverance, and a willingness to change, even the strongest of boundaries and borders and be taken down with the strength and unity of love. We are all capable of causing each other great suffering, but because of this we are also able to bring about great healing and through that healing a greater community and a stronger bond through our shared humanity. This, for me, is a lesson I am yet learning but a journey I embark on happily (I’ll talk more about this later on!).

So I’m saying all this to say…it’s been  an adjustment. There are things that are similiar, and there are things that are not. Just like everywhere. Every city, every place has a song in it’s heart; the trick, the question is “can you catch the rhythm?” When I first arrived in country, I thought there were things that I knew; now there are things that I don’t know. I am learning to catch the rhythm. I am learning to learn, again. 

[violetosprey]

I was in a drawing mood, so I decided to draw my OC Gale after her redesign.  This is my personal tumblr so I can put it up if I want :P

Tried something different for fun.  Sketched with pencil, then penned, scanned as pdf to computer, then used PhotoShop Elements and my ref sheet to fill in the blanks.  Overall, I like how they came out.

Also I guess the chibi version I drew counts as the first time I drew her full-scale (feels like cheating since I can’t really do proportions right sooo went with a style where proportions are kind of skewed to begin with :P)

Also decided on her full name: Gale Fairway

I went with a name combination that doesn’t pop up in google search that’s both a plain sounding and unique last name.

Since she’s the OC I use for TDDUP with Marcus, I’m gonna jot some more notes down below for writing/character development practice.  You can ignore.

This is more notes than writing and actual story here.  These notes may be changed or rewritten later if I think of something more appealing.

Initially meeting Marcus/ First Impressions

Gale met Marcus in a bar.  She was probably there with a friend chatting.  Her friend headed off to the bathroom and a guy came over (very drunk) and tries to hit on Gale.  He’s aggressive and/or unpleasant and she had a hard time getting him to leave her alone.  Marcus cut in and got the guy to back off.  He was a police officer at time, but just off duty.  Probably flashed his badge to help get the guy to go away.  Gale thanked him and Marcus offered to get her a drink.  She politely declined and said she’d be leaving soon with her friend.

Marcus headed off to another end of the bar when Gale’s friend came back.  Gale told her what happened.  They chatted some more and her friend noted that Marcus was looking over every now and then and teased Gale that she was possibly missing out on “having some fun with a cop.”  Gale was pretty inebriated at this point and admitted Marcus was hot, but figured she wasn’t up for a one-night stand that night.  She was not dating anyone at the time, but didn’t really feel like she needed to get laid whenever the opportunity struck.

Gale and her friend started heading out and Marcus came over when they were outside to chat for a bit.  Her friend hinted towards Gale one more time then had to take a phone call, leaving Gale and Marcus alone.  Marcus got a little more forward and flirty this time, and alcohol + hot dude + cop + saved her from a guy earlier = “Oh why not, it’s just one night” for Gale.

Gale let her friend (who was ecstatic) know she’d be heading out with Marcus.  Her friend left and Gale and Marcus chatted and did “other activities” that night *wiggles eyebrows*. (note: Not sure about location)

Fast forward to next morning.  Gale was a little groggy from last night, but Marcus and her woke up in bed together.  She tried to get up to get ready to leave, but Marcus kind of holds her back (in a safe, playful manner).  Basically started teasing and smooth talking to try to get her phone #.  She’s not up for the idea at first (kinda just thought it’d be a fling, and he said during the night he gets busy with work), but eventually she had other engagements to attend to, so she just gave in and quickly handed her number to him before she left.

Entering a relationship with Marcus

Funny enough, Marcus doesn’t call Gale for several days.  She figured he was probably just playing around when he asked for her number and then focused on his work.  She didn’t take it too much as a loss.

He did finally contact her though, and they met again over coffee.  They hook up again a few days later at night and then get back to their respective work.  This pattern repeats for awhile: lack of communication because of work (on both ends), meet up for hanging out or sex again, then back to work.  At this point in time, Marcus is not was not being overbearing.

Marcus wasn’t actually the type of person Gale would go for when looking for a boyfriend.  She tended to go for the more bookish types, maybe with a sense of humor (note: John from the game would actually be more of the type she’d usually date, meaning she tried something new with Marcus, and later went back to what she was comfortable with).

This happened enough though where they decided to actually start dating.  From here on, Marcus puts in a little more effort to start texting/calling Gale more frequently.  Gale found this sweet, especially because she knew how much of a workaholic he was.

Overtime, she noticed more sensitive sides of his personality as well (note: not sure if I want to make the “saved Munchie from a car engine” event before or after marriage- but Marcus should have shown SOME soft side prior to marriage).

Sex wise, Gale’s not actually the type that gets “adventurous,” but she started to open up a little more for Marcus (he could get a little “naughty”) since she really liked him.

Eventually, Gale would genuinely fall in love with Marcus and admitted to him after sex one night that she was a little afraid she wasn’t good enough for him.  After all, he was attractive, confident, and had a successful career.  (note: I have not decided on what Gale’s own career is at this point).

Marcus quickly held her and assured her he’d never leave her.

Extra Notes

So I’m doing this weird thing where Gale’s kind of getting developed “around” the relationship she has with Marcus.  Many of her personality traits aren’t fully fleshed out with me yet.  I’m seeing if it’s a little easier to come up with the story first and adjust her accordingly. 

There’s a of couple traits about Marcus that are considered canon (I think) that I want to keep the same: 1) he has dated people beforehand, 2) he’s a workaholic, 3) he’s a “dirty cop” when it comes to sex :P and 4) he never physically hurt the MC prior to the kidnapping.

What I’m going for I guess is a...”slow burn” turn into a yandere for Marcus?  The timeline I have no clue of honestly.  I kind want Gale to have been married to Marcus for at LEAST a year (maybe more).  For that to make sense though, I want to build it up to be believable why she was with him for so long.  Gale met a guy who wasn’t her usual type, but fell in love with him because of his softer moments and the way he paid so much attention to her.  Her own insecurity of losing Marcus at one point would be a key reason as to why she wouldn’t see certain warning signs early on.

She liked the attention he would give her at first.  And even as it increased gradually, she’d just see it as him making an effort because their jobs don’t always let them be together.  She gets a little blinded honestly by something “too good to be true.”

Now with Marcus I’ll be honest...I’m not EXACTLY sure in my head at what point he becomes a yandere.  I don’t know if I consider him to have fell in love at first sight, but he’s a master manipulator who takes it very slow to work his way into Gale’s life completely.  Or if he’s actually just a normal guy she’s dating at first because getting to know her more leads to him developing an obsession.  I THINK I’m leaning towards the second.  I say that because I kind of like the idea where Marcus has been with other people before without developing an obsession, and this would have just been another person he started to get along with and date, but it turns horrifying excessive later on.

It’s also too bad since I’m still fleshing out Gale, then I have no idea what Marcus likes about her :P 

Otherwise, the beginning sounds like a pretty standard story opener.  Nothing new or unusual.  My lack of story skills prevent me from thinking about all the events in sequence.  More so just key events and how the characters do or do not mesh together.

[pb1138]

Some Breakfast and a Bet

So, apparently I can write an 11 page fanfiction in six hours but I can’t be bothered to do any of my actual essays which are all due by Friday. 

Stark!daughter X 23yo Peter Parker, Infinity War doesn’t happen AU. 

Tony’s surprise daughter comes home from studying abroad and settles a bet between the guys. 

Fluff mostly, some angst, mentions of illness and death but nothing descriptive.

Like I said, it’s 11 pages. 5,000 words, ridiculously long.

               It had been about six years since your mother had died. You could’ve been legally emancipated since you were 17 at the time, but before she had died she had reached out to your father, finally telling him about you.

               At first you had been furious. She had told you your entire life that your father had died when you were just a baby, that he was a hero, only to turn around on her death bed and tell you he wasn’t dead? But she was right about one thing:  your father was a hero.

               Specifically, a hero called Iron Man.

               You had thought it was a joke, some kind of Make a Wish thing to give your mom one last laugh before she died. She wasn’t cruel by any means, but a joke was infinitely more likely than Tony Fucking Stark being your dad, but a dozen paternity tests and a solid timeline confirmed it. Tony Motherliteralfucking Stark was your father.

               It was weird at first. Your mother had insisted that you move in with him, that he give you everything you would need, that he pay for your education. It had taken a few weeks for the both of you to warm up to each other, and more than a few months for love to develop. Really it was Pepper who you got attached to first. She had taken you immediately under her wing, taking you shopping for anything you could’ve wanted, helping you settle in to your last year at your new school in upper New York. The other Avengers had taken a bit of a liking to you as well, particularly Banner and Hawkeye with whom you liked to talk shit behind everyone’s back using sign language. Banner had become like an uncle to you, too, and the both of you and Tony spent many evenings in the lab working together. They both liked to teach you things, especially since you were a fast learner.

               By the time you had graduated, the three of you were like an actual family. You had begun to call Tony “Dad” and Pepper was like a dream step mom come true. The press thought so, too. They took almost every opportunity they could to get a picture of the happy family and ask how you all were adjusting. Tony was a little nervous about it all, after all there was a new target for his enemies, but he was proud of you nonetheless. It was obvious to all of them that you were an incredibly intelligent kid.

               When you left to go to school in China, it was an emotional affair. Tony was able to keep it together, but Pepper shed more than a few tear-filled hugs with you. Even Happy was a little emotional, but mostly it was tears of joy because you leaving meant his cars were safe—you weren’t his favorite driver. Tony had bought you a comfortable apartment in Beijing, not far from your university. Bruce and Clint had both given you going away presents (Bruce some books about eastern medicine, Clint a new PS4 Pro to go with the 4k TV Stark had put in your apartment.) It would be a difficult four years away from your new family, but you were still excited to go.

               You were even more excited to come back.

               The four years had come and gone so quickly, you could hardly believe it when Tony’s movers had come to get your apartment packed up to send back to the Avengers HQ. The flight home was bittersweet. You were excited to see everyone, but you almost wanted to stay. Beijing had become a home for you. Maybe one day you’d be back, maybe working as a professor or researcher. But for now, you needed your family.

               Of course Tony had to throw a giant party for your return. Tony promised that everyone would come—Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Vision, Dr. Strange, T’Challa and Shuri, Bucky, Steve, Sam, Rhodey, Scott, Thor, even Loki, as well as various sundry other people, friends of everyone gathered over the years. HQ was lit up brighter than you had ever seen it and music pounded through the walls.

               You let out a steadying breath as you stepped out of the car. You looked at Happy who also looked as if he were readying himself. “He really doesn’t like to disappoint does he?” you joked.

               Happy glanced at you and chuckled once, shaking his head. “No he does not. Shall we?” He held out his arm to you, gesturing for the designated valet of the night to take your bags to your room.

               You took his arm in yours and nodded, patting your hair. Pepper had provided a dress for you to change into on the jet, a scarlet 50s-esque suburban-housewife dress complete with the puffy skirt. It was great, fit you like a glove and the way it swayed when you walked was positively fun. She would be annoyed, though, because you refused to wear the heels she had sent and instead you wore your ankle-buckle sandals, the ones with the covered heel and the strap that went from your toes to your ankle. Your makeup and hair were perfect. You felt amazing, but at the same time absolutely terrified to see everyone again and you had no idea why.

               When happy opened the doors, everyone cheered and applauded. You blushed deeply and smiled bashfully, gripping Happy’s arm perhaps a little too tightly. Tony came practically running down the stairs and over to you, grabbing you in a bone crushing hug which you gladly reciprocated. Pepper came over, an eyebrow raised as she gestured to your shoes. “Really?” she asked.

               You laughed and shrugged. “I’m not spending an entire night wanting to chop my feet off. Sorry, Pepper.” She rolled her eyes and stole you from Tony, hugging you tightly to her tiny frame. “It’s so good to see you,” she said.

               Most of the night went about how you expected. Everybody asked how you liked it, if it was tough, do you want to go back, etc etc. Bruce and Clint were absolutely giddy with excitement to see you and both hugged you harder than Tony had. (You could have sworn Bruce was turning green from how strongly he had you.) They took up most of your time, catching on very quickly that you were getting sick of the questions. Clint kept your glass pleasantly filled, the two of you signing to each other when you were too far apart to hear one another, mostly jokes and hot gossip. Bruce had taken you to see his and Tony’s newest project, giving you (and most likely him) a breather from the suffocation of the party and the ear shatteringly loud music. The two of you sat in the lab talking about science and laughing about this and that for what must have been an hour or two because after a while, Tony came down and raised his hands when he got there. “You skipping out on your own party?”

               You chuckled and rolled your eyes, gesturing to your margarita. “I needed to breathe.”

               He smiled slightly and then pointed towards the door. “I’ve got someone I want you to meet.”

               You sighed and stood up, patting Bruce’s shoulder with a small smile before you followed your father back upstairs. It took him a minute to find who he was looking for, but when he did he dragged you over to the buffet table where a pretty woman about his age, and a guy whose back was to you were standing. “May, Underoos, this is my daughter, Y/N.”

               May smiled wide and took your hand, shaking it gently. “It’s very nice to meet you. And this,” she grabbed the other guy’s shoulder and pulled him over to you, “Is my nephew. Peter.”

               You blushed slightly when his eyes met yours. He was in the process of shoving a rather large sandwich in his face. He quickly ripped a bite off and wiped his hand on his shirt, much to May’s apparent dismay, and held it out to you. “Hi,” he mumbled around his mouthful.

               You couldn’t help but laugh as you took his hand. He was pretty adorable. His hair was weirdly both a little too styled while still not looking styled at all, and he had wide, Bambi brown eyes. He held himself a little awkwardly, obviously on the shyer side. His suit was a little ill-fitted, but it somehow suited him.

               “Peter here is our newest recruit. Well, I say new, I’ve known him for like what 10 years now?”

               Peter turned to Tony, his eyes lingering on yours for a second longer than necessary. “Um, yeah like 9.”

               You raised an eyebrow, thinking about all of your father’s associates before it dawned on you. “Oh! You must be the spider guy right?”

               Tony laughed and Peter blushed, nodding. “Y-yeah, Spiderman.”

               You smiled at him and nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

               There was a bit of an awkward silence between the two of you for a moment before Dr. Strange came over and pulled you aside, saving you. He had been convinced since meeting you that you were destined to be a Sorcerer, and tonight he was on it again, practically begging you to consider joining. “You have an aura,” he kept saying.

               The entire time the two of you were talking/arguing, you couldn’t help glancing back at Peter who was now talking with Scott and Sam. You also couldn’t help but noticing that he couldn’t help glancing at you either.

               The night was long, but thankfully you had gotten some good sleep on the jet. By the time they called it a night, the sun was rising and nearly half the Avengers were passed out somewhere around the room, either from too much drink or just plain exhaustion. You made your way up to your room and almost cried tears of joy upon seeing your bed, upon which you threw yourself.

               It felt like you slept for a month when you awoke. Somehow you weren’t hungover, something for which you were unbelievably grateful. You made your way downstairs to the communal kitchen, wearing just a large sleeping shirt and some shorts. Your hair and makeup were a mess but you honestly couldn’t have cared less. You just wanted some damn pizza and coffee. You sat at the kitchen island, an entire box of pizza leftover from the party sitting next to you, a giant pot brewing on the counter behind you, and you breathed a heavy sigh. “Home,” you whispered.

               “It must be nice.”

               You jumped at the voice and spun on your stool to see who it was. Peter was standing in the doorway wearing a shirt two sizes too large for him and some shaggy pajama pants. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” he said sheepishly, hands raised in defense.

               You raised an eyebrow to him and picked up a piece of pizza. “Who said I was scared?”

               He chuckled slightly and shuffled over to the fridge. “You’re up early,” he said.

               You glanced at the clock on the stove which read 5:35. You blinked and glanced at him. “I apparently just slept almost an entire day.” You shrugged, taking a bite. “And besides,” mouth full, “it’s 5:30 in the afternoon in Beijing right now. This isn’t that abnormal for me.”

               He nodded, fixing a bagel for himself. “Coffee’s done.”

               You jumped up a little too fast and scooted over to him, turning off the machine. You reached past him to grab your oversized mug from its place in the cabinet, the movement bringing you close enough to him to smell the ‘manly’ smell of his shower gel. He must have showered last night because it wasn’t strong and his hair was dry, but it was recent enough to entice you.

               You must have been standing there too long because he cleared his throat. Both of you blushed as you stepped away, mug in hand and went about making your coffee. You swallowed hard, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye. “So, you’ve known my dad for 9 years huh?”

               He nodded, spreading cream cheese on his bagel. “Y-yeah. I met him a few weeks before that big mess with him and Steve.”

               You nodded thoughtfully, taking a sip. “You’ve known him longer than me, then.”

               He turned towards you, both of you leaning against opposite counters. “It must be weird.”

               You nodded again, picking up the pizza you had earlier. “You could say that.”

               He looked like he wanted to ask more but took a bite of his bagel instead, clearly deciding it wasn’t appropriate. You were about to ask another question but were interrupted by Sam and Steve walking in the room, both ready to start a workout. They paused when they saw the two of you before Steve waved. “Morning,” he said, a touch too chipper for your liking. They scooted past the two of you to grab water bottles out of the fridge. “You sleep alright?”

               You smiled at him and nodded. “Yeah. Not bad. I kind of miss my old bed, though. I got really used to how hard it was.”

               He and Sam both nodded. “We get that,” Sam said. Of course it was different; he was deeply downplaying the correspondence, but you appreciated the sentiment.

               “Welp. We better get to it.” Steve clapped Sam on the back and the two of them scooted back out of the room.

               You shook your head, sipping your coffee again. “I can’t imagine having that kind of energy. The last time I worked out in the morning was…” You paused for a moment before chuckling. “Well never.”

               Peter laughed slightly and nodded. “I’m not a morning bird either.”

               You crooked an eyebrow and smirked at him. “The current hour would disagree with you.”

               Peter rolled his eyes and shrugged. “Unusual circumstances today, I guess.”

               You narrowed your eyes at that and smirked slightly, packing up your pizza to go back to your room. “Well, have fun with those ‘unusual circumstances.’ I’m going to go watch tv.”

               He waved you off and watched you leave; you could feel his eyes boring into your back. At least, you hoped it was your back.

               Xxx

               You woke to a weight plopping on the couch next to you. You breathed in a surprised breath and blinked blearily at the person next to you.

               “What we watching?” Tony reached forward and took the last piece of pizza in the box, kicking his feet up on your coffee table.

               You blinked slowly and then looked at the TV. “Well, it was Scrubs.” Evidently, Hulu had gone off on an autoplay tangent. Whatever you were watching, there was a fairly pretty young doctor dude who had a real problem with authority, apparently, as he was currently in an argument with an older doctor. You pressed a button on your remote and saw that the current title was The Resident. You’d have to restart it again. It looked decent.

               You paused it and rearranged yourself so you were leaning against the back of the couch, your feet up next to Tony. “What’s up doc?”

               He smirked slightly and angled himself towards you. “I missed you, that’s all.”

               You smiled at him and nodded. “I missed you, too, Dad.”

               The two of you talked for hours. He had obviously come and visited you while you were in China, but this was different. This was deeper, more relaxed. He had given himself the day off to catch up with you, and the two of you spent every minute of it. He had taken you to lunch in a fancy restaurant and then took the two of you shopping and then arranged to take you out on a boat for the day. By the time you had returned home, the two of you were bushed, your jet lag finally catching up with you. He had escorted you to your room and paused at your door. He looked at you for a moment before he took you into a deep hug and kissed your head. “I’m so glad you’re home,” he breathed.

               You smiled into the hug and reciprocated, breathing in his smell. He let you go after a moment and you could’ve sworn you saw the hint of mist in his eyes, but he shooed you inside, telling you to get some sleep.

               You had another coma-like sleep but this time when you woke, it had only been about six hours. You sighed in relief after checking your phone. You would be back on normal time soon. Again you wondered down to the kitchen, this time settling on ice cream for breakfast. It was about 8 today, far too early for your liking but an acceptable hour for everyone else.

               You were about halfway through your bowl and nose deep in WeChat messages to your friends back in China when Peter walked through the door. Today he was wearing a T-Shirt with cartoonized heads of the Avengers on it and the same pants from yesterday. You put your phone down and nodded at his shirt. “Nice.”

               He looked down at it and smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, the guys get a real kick out of it.” He pointed towards your bowl. “You’re not much of a breakfast food person are you?”

               You smiled. “Not for breakfast.”

               He nodded thoughtfully. “Respect.” He seemed to cringe, probably thinking that was lame. You couldn’t help but smile. He was pretty damn cute. He went about making a bowl of cereal and came and sat beside you. He nodded towards your phone. “Those your friends?”

               You smiled and nodded. “Yeah. They’re all asking about the party. Evidently, my return has made international news.”

               “Well yeah, you’re Tony Stark’s daughter. You’re ridiculously important.”

               You leaned back on your stool and sighed, rubbing your eyes. “Yeah, I’m starting to get that. I hadn’t told any of them because I didn’t want it to be a big deal. I guess it’s just something I’ll never be able to take to my grave.”

               “Why would you want to? He’s a great guy.” Peter looked at you, shoving a large spoonful of mostly marshmallows in his mouth.

               You thought carefully for a moment, crafting your response. “It’s… a large responsibility,” you finally said.

               He nodded. “I can see that.”

               “I mean, I shouldn’t complain. He’s so good to me, and he definitely didn’t have to take me in. It’s just a lot sometimes y’know?”

               “Yeah, it definitely takes a certain kind of people-liking-ness to deal with it.” He thought for a moment, repeating ‘people-liking-ness’ under his breath to himself before shaking his head, mumbling “stupid.”

               You smiled slightly and nudged him. “Would you be interested in a drink later?”

               His eyes grew wide with surprise. “You mean, like a date?”

               You smiled slightly. “Sure, why not?”

               You could tell he was fighting the biggest grin of his life before he cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, yeah I’d like that. Tonight?”

               You smiled and nodded. “My room, 9.”

               He beamed and nodded. “I’ll be there.”

               “Great.” You smiled at him and put your bowl in the sink before padding off to your room.

               You had spent the day in the lab with Bruce, mostly just watching him work and talking about his latest inventions and discoveries, but mostly you were excited for tonight. You didn’t know why, but you really, really liked Peter, like more than you should’ve for having known him for exactly three days, one of which you were asleep for.

               Bruce had caught you smiling to yourself and he raised his magnifying-glasses-add-on-things. “What’s got you in such a tizzy?”

               You blushed and tried to bury yourself in your phone. “Nothing.”

               He rolled his eyes and went back to work. “We’ve spent a lot of hours in this lab, Y/N/N, and I’ve never seen you smile like that. What’s their name?”

               You gasped in mock offense, bringing a hand to your chest. “Are you implying that I have a date? How dare you, sir, I am nothing if not a perfect angel.”

               He snorted through his nose. “It’s Peter, isn’t it?”

               You blushed deeply and looked at him in horror. “How did you—”

               He turned to type something into the computer really fast, his voice growing distant as he did. “Steve said you two were making some serious googly eyes over breakfast yesterday, and you kept looking at him at the party.” He turned back to you and looked at you over his glasses. “I may be one half of a scientist and one half a bumbling angry maniac, but I’m not blind.”

               You sighed heavily in defeat, leaning back against the wall. “I guess everyone knows then?”

               “Sweetheart, there’s already a betting pool for when you’ll get married.”

               You groaned, rubbing your face. “IT’S BEEN THREE DAYS!”

               He laughed, leaning back in his chair. “If it’s any consolation, I didn’t put in. Though, now that I know you’re interested, I just might.”

               You raised an eyebrow at him. “What’s the pot at?”

               “Oh, nothing much, just $4,601.”

               “And how much did Clint put in?”

               “Like $1,000 that you’d be married by the end of next year.”

               “Pfft. Typical.”

               “What really surprised me was Tony’s bet.”

               You gaped at him, slack jawed. “Dad is in on it?”

               “Honey, he put down 3 grand you’d be married by your birthday.”

               You narrowed your eyes and adjusted your shirt. “Well. We’ll just have to see about that.” With a huff, you threw yourself off of the table and stalked out of the room, leaving the laughing scientist behind.

               Grumbling, you sent a jokingly angry message to Clint, feigning hurt at his invasion of your privacy. He sent back a gif of a laughing dog. Thankfully, you still had a few hours before 9 rolled around and you spent it playing video games. What you hadn’t counted on, however, was your doorbell being rung in the middle of a giant area filled with enemies. You spun to look at the clock and squealed, clambering out of your “nest.” You were in your underwear and a shirt, having anticipated having time to have a shower before Peter showed up, but the time had gotten away from you. “Just a minute!” you practically screamed at the door. “Friday,” you hissed as you started throwing your trash away, “open my closet and pull out outfit 34!”

               By the time you had made it to your room, five minutes had passed. Thankfully, outfit 34 was just jeans and a David Bowie tank top so you didn’t have any complicated zippers or buttons to fight through. You threw your hair in a messy bun, not daring to try to rake it out now, and you zoomed back to the door. You opened it, breathless, face flushed from exertion, and Peter blinked. “Am… Am I early?”

               You sucked in a breath and shook your head, waving him in. “No, no, I just got sucked into a game. Come in.”

               You were relieved he didn’t over dress. He was also in jeans and a T-shirt, this one with a Batman symbol on it. “Oh forreal? What game?”

               “Oh, uhm, it’s gonna sound lame like I’m trying to be a (air quote) “gamer girl” but Fallout 4.”

               He scoffed. “Are you kidding? I don’t buy into that crap. Nobody should feel bad for liking popular games, it’s like? They’re popular for a reason.”

               You nodded enthusiastically. “Right?” You let out a relieved sigh and then gestured towards a smallish bar in the corner. “So, drinks? What can I, or more specifically Jeeves, prepare for you?” At the name, a smallish robot armed with several arms for various drink-making skills protruded from the bar.

               He let out a whistle. “Tony got you your own booze bot? Way cool. Um, I’ll just have a beer for now.”

               You smirked. “I actually made Jeeves myself. So much easier than trying to make your own margarita. Speaking of, Jeeves, blue fishbowl margarita please.” The robot produced a beer for Peter and set about making your drink. “Oh, do you want to get some food?”

               Peter shrugged. “I could eat.”

               “Chinese?”

               He raised an eyebrow at you. “I’d have thought you’d be sick of it.”

               You smiled slightly. “Nah, I miss it already. And besides, American Chinese food isn’t authentic, so it’s basically not the same.”

               You had Friday order for delivery and the both of you migrated over to your couch. You closed out of your game, and started a co-op round of Cuphead.

               Your food arrived and the two of you devoured it pretty quickly. Before either of you knew it, it was like midnight and honestly both of you were pretty shitfaced. Peter had upgraded from beer to join you in fishbowl heaven, and once you had both gotten too fed up with Cuphead, you had put on some random comedy show on Netflix, but honestly neither of you were paying attention.

               The two of you were seated so that your legs were in his lap and his arm was resting on them, his other arm on the back of the couch holding his drink and a quality drinking height. He was currently in the middle of telling you about his lame-er beginnings as Spiderman, mostly about his mess ups, and you were both howling with laughter.

               “So, there I am in the middle of this alley, completely tangled in my own web and there’s no way I can get out. And then this stupid dog comes along and just hikes his leg up right on me and all I can do is just yell. Oh my god it was so embarrassing. I’m pretty sure Ned still has a video of it.”

               You took a deep breath after you stopped laughing and smiled at him. “Ned sounds like a good bro.”

               He snorted, taking another drink. “He’s the best man, oh my god. He’s like my brother.”

               You smiled slightly, stirring your drink thoughtfully. “I always wanted a brother. The closest I ever had was my cousin Benny who came to live with us for a while, but god was he an asshole. He used to pin me down on the couch and fart on me until I almost passed out from the pressure and from screaming for my mom.” Suddenly, the smile was gone from your face and you swallowed hard, taking a long sip of your drink.

               Peter noticed the change in the atmosphere and frowned slightly. “I miss my parents, too.”

               You didn’t know you had been crying, but he had reached over your legs to grab your Kleenex, handing the box to you. You smiled slightly at him and took one, wiping your eyes. “I’m sorry, this is dumb. It’s been so long.”

               “Hey, hey, no, it’s ok. I was just a kid when mine died and I still cry sometimes. Don’t worry about it.”

               You smiled weakly and reached forward, taking his hand. “Thank you.”

               “You can talk about it, if you want.” He smiled at you, putting his margarita down.

               You took a long drink of yours and sniffled. “It’s just. Sometimes I get so angry at her and then I feel bad for being angry. Like. She knew she was sick. She knew, and she didn’t get help, not until it was way too late, you know? And then she turns around and tells me my dad is alive… It’s just. Ugh.”

               “You mean you didn’t know?”

               “What, that my father was Anthony Edward Stark, aka the second richest man on the planet? Yeah, no. She had told me my dad died when I was a baby. I guess she didn’t want me being polluted by his money or something, I don’t know.”

               Peter frowned and rubbed circles onto the back of your hand. You looked down and watched his thumb, leaning your head against the side of the couch.

               “When he showed up, I honestly thought it was a joke, like some kind of Make a Wish thing, you know? Give my mom one last laugh before she… But it wasn’t. He showed up and when he saw her, I could see that he cared, that he knew her. He went over and sat by her bed and they talked for a minute, I couldn’t hear, and then she had called me over.” You laughed bitterly. “She said, ‘Honey, I want you to meet your father.’” You scowled slightly, wiping your eyes again. “He stood up and we both could tell the other wasn’t buying it. I had said, ‘Is this some kind of joke?’ and then we, well mostly I, got into this big huge fight with her. I went home for two days without coming back to see her, and when I did he was still there. They were talking and she was laughing, and I felt like such a piece of shit because it had been so long since she had laughed. I sat with them and she said she wanted me to come live with him because he could give me a good life. Dad had said that I’d be welcome, blah blah blah, and I knew it’s what my mom really wanted so I said ok. And she was happy. And for a few hours, we were like a real, super awkward family. And then she was… she was gone.” You finished off the last of your margarita and frowned at its emptiness. You got up and went over to Jeeves to get another. “Sorry,” you mumbled. “I ruined the mood.”

               You hadn’t heard him get up, but you felt him getting closer to you. You turned around just in time for him to envelop you in a strong, comforting hug. “Don’t you ever apologize for needing to talk about something,” he whispered.

               You pulled back slightly and looked up at him. He looked down at you, Bambi eyes filled with warmth and kindness, and you reached up and cupped his cheek gently. Before either of you could process it, your lips were on his and your other hand against his chest. It didn’t take him long to pull you closer to him, one hand buried in your hair, the other around your waist, lifting you onto the bar.

               You both slept very well that night, and both rose at a comfortable hour. Unfortunately, you were both hungover, but it gave you an excuse to spent the day in bed, sadly not doing anything of great fun, but just talking, bonding.

               “Y/N? What’re you thinking about?”

               You jumped and looked into the mirror at Pepper. You smiled slightly, touching the necklace around your neck, the necklace Peter had given to you for your birthday. “Oh, nothing.”

               Pepper raised an eyebrow and smiled knowingly. She put the finishing touches on your hair before leaning down to hug your shoulders, beaming at you in the mirror. “Beautiful.” You both took a minute to enjoy each other’s presence before she let out a decisive huff and stood up, patting your shoulders. “Are you ready?”

               You smiled and nodded, standing from the vanity. “I think so.”

               Tony walked over to you wearing one of his fine suits, and you took a moment to fix the magnolia in his chest pocket. You both looked at each other for a long moment before he pulled you into a hug. “I’m so proud of you, kid,” he whispered into your hair.

               Pepper “Ah-Ah”ed him, waving her hands frantically. “I just spent two hours on that, don’t you dare mess it up!”

               Tony pulled back, laughing. “Yes, dear.”

               You all smiled at each other before Pepper left to take her seat. Tony held his arm out to you which you gladly took, both of you gripping onto the other’s hand, and you stood at the door waiting for the music to begin. “This is your last chance to back out, you know, because I’ve only got an hour to cancel the caterer.”

               You chuckled and bumped his shoulder, shaking your head. “You’re incorrigible.”

               He sniffed, and you were sure he was fighting back tears. “I try.”

               The music started. Your que. You took a deep breath and looked at Tony for a moment before nodding, and the doors opened. The venue was stunning, with white and light blue flowers littering the aisle, tons of natural light flowing in. Everybody was there, dressed in their finest clothes. Tony and you started down the aisle, carefully matching the beat, and you reached out to grasp the hands of Bruce and Clint as you passed them, smiling broadly to them.

               When you looked up the aisle, your heart skipped a beat and your smile stretched as far as it could. Peter was standing there, hands clasped in front of him, grinning back at you, wearing the finest suit he had ever owned (“only the best for my daughter” Tony had joked.) May was sitting beside Pepper, both of them weeping with happiness, and you laughed slightly.

               Once you reached the alter, Tony passed your hands to Peter and smiled slightly at the both of you. “I love you guys,” he said quietly before heading to sit down beside Pepper.

               Peter took your hands and neither of you could really hear Steve give the ceremony. He had to clear his throat to get Peter’s attention for the “I do,” which elicited a laughter through the audience. Steve couldn’t even get the entire question out for you before you answered with a teary, “of course I do.” Steve pronounced you husband and wife and you threw your arms around Peter’s shoulders, meeting him in a deep, loving kiss. As you turned to head down the aisle, you saw Clint nudging Tony who begrudgingly handed over a yellow, cash-shaped envelope, and you laughed. You caught Clint’s eye and signed a quick, “You’re welcome,” before Peter and you set off down the aisle, laughing with joy.