#but honestly its more about hanging out with our friends visiting

[kit-williams]

Momrad to Konrad... So tired

Momrad, Dadatar, Konrad, and two of our friends walked around Antietam today. It was so hot.

We're doing Gettysburg tomorrow

Dadatar and I realized we need to just go out more the boy is old enough that we can bring him out and he can have a good time too.

[euniexenoblade]

This is fucking me up for real, irl I can name 20 transfems that I consider friends and that's not including people that come from else where to visit/I get a plane ticket to visit. Like I hang out with transfems all the time, I do distro and harm reduction with transfems, I run into transfem strangers in public all the time. Like I *know* I live in a city and my experience is going to be different than those in more rural areas but this poll had over 8,000 votes.

It's not even a "you're a transfem of course you'd hang out with transfems" thing cuz my husband has plenty of transfem friends too, transfems I consider best friends *he* introduced me to.

I could sit here and talk about "of course the people who follow a transandrodork don't have any transfem friends" or "of course the weirdo that misgendered me's audience would be so devoid of transfems" or "of course the people who minimize or erase our trauma, our oppression, our identities have no transfem friends or a token friend at most" but it's honestly so bewildering to me. I said I wanted trans friends and now I'm surrounded by transfems and transmascs plenty. So I have those friends. The only way you get no transfem friends is actively avoiding it imo. (This statement is pointed at the OP of that poll and its followers, not overarching everyone everywhere)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

too many teens whining for validation, this blog needs more weird and stupid so...

AITA for kidnapping my friend and trapping her in the cheesebarn?

Hear me out:

The story starts about a week before my (20 at the time ftm) 21st birthday. If you live in the US you know this isnt just some lame 7th birthday or 36th birthday, this is one of the big boy birthdays, the special ones. Its when you can legal buy alcohol and are therefore truly an adult in the eyes of the law.

Naturally my friends (20s) wanted to do something Big for our 21sts. So they asked me what i wanted to do and i said i didnt really care as long as I got a road trip somewhere with friends.

Everyone thought it was a fun idea but it was a little short notice for everyone to get time off from work, but my other friend we will call C also had her 21st exactly a month after mine to the day, and the two of us agreed to share our 21sts and not do much of anything on my actual birthday. This is important, bc it was a SHARED birthday road trip.

I agree to let C pick the destination and I provide the car. We didnt have much of a plan as we were going to meet up with C's old roommate who lives in the city we picked to show us a good time.

It was 5 of us total and about a 7 hour drive altogether there with not a whole lot on the way there. We get to the city she picked and meet the roommate and honestly the rest of this part is just standard 21st birthday shenanigans. Its when we start the drive home things really start.

Remember its a long drive with not much to see? Well that was a lie. On our way back we see it, the Real "Happiest Place on Earth" as far as places with a mouse for a mascot go:

Grandpa's.

Fuckin'.

Cheesebarn.

Obviously me and the other people on the trip want to stop and see the magic, but unfucking fortunately C happens to be the only Basic White Girl ™️ in the entire world who hates cheese and isnt even lactose intolerant. This girl is notorious for making "petty" and "I hate Cheese" her entire personality. She would constantly make faces and gagging noises and talk about how gross and nasty cheese is if you so much as eat a grilt cheese near her.

Clearly she made it known that she wasnt on board with it. "NO! FUCK YOU ALL IM NOT GOING TO A PLACE CALLED A CHEESEBARN ON MY BIRTHDAY!!" were her exact words.

But i remembered i was driving, it was my car, and it was supposed to be my birthday too. So I put it to a vote. "Raise your hand if you wanna go to Grandpa's Cheesebarn!"

All hands raise but one. With C out voted we head to the cheesebarn.

Guys. This place is amazing. Its obviously making cheese its main draw, but yhere's so much more, its every shitty midwest tourist trap rolled into one glorious place. There's even a chocolate shop. We even got C's roommate to ditch work and come meet us bc shr heard "Grandpa's Cheesebarn" and knew she had to drop everything.

All in all a good visit, C even seemed like she had fun once we got there (she sure spent $300 on candies and dip mixes anyway). We go home. Things seem fine.

Then C drops off the face of the earth.

She wont respond to our calls or texts and at first we thought maybe she was giing through a rough patch or something and try to just keep reaching out but give her space. But then we find out that not only is she still hanging our with our other friends who couldnt make the trip with us. So clearly she's just pissed at us about something.

Finally one day a few months later i catch her at her job and just tell her "I dont care if you hate us, we'll never speak to you again if you dont want us to, but what the hell did we do to you??"

And she just looked me over and says "Well. You kidnapped me."

lolwut

And she yells (bc this girl loves yelling at people) "YOU KIDNAPPED ME AND TRAPPED ME AT A CHEESEBARN ON. MY. BIRTHDAY!!!!!"

And i just said "Well it was my birthday too," and havent spoken to her since. Its been over a decade and "No ragrets" as we said back in the day, but uts baffled me for years that that was her reaction. "Im just over you guys" i can understand, and its not like she was shy about telling people she hates them and their out of her life ever before. And from what i ended up hearing from our other friends she kept talking with it really was about the cheesebarn and how we "ruined her birthday".

No but srsly AITA??? For making her go to a cheesebarn???

What are these acronyms?

[flatassthrowaway]

Passionately and Deeply

~Chapter Two~

New to the series? Read the prologue!

As always, let me know what you think! Enjoy!

“Well, perhaps if you’re Irish, you may enjoy the leprecorn,” he told me about his most vexing oddity that he discovered in his younger years as we strolled through the streets of downtown Gravity Falls.

“And it plays ‘Danny Boy’ through its horn? Come on Ford! You don’t like that song?” I asked.

“The song itself is fine. The way that leprecorn plays it is maddening,” he said, making me laugh.

We’ve been hanging out like this since that fateful night when his brother was mean to me. That was almost a month ago, and it’s the first day of spring.

Since then, I found that he lives at a tourist trap called the Mystery Shack with his twin brother. He also neglected to tell me he had a twin brother. Soos (who is the one who runs the show) aka Mr. Mystery, Melody, and Abuelita also live there, and his great-niblings also come to visit during the summer.

That shack looks so small from the outside, but… it must be one of those houses that’s actually a lot bigger on the inside.

I would know, because I actually spent quite a bit of time in that house. While Ford was working on his projects, I took the time to either complete my work alongside him or raid his bookshelf. When I raided his bookshelf, I found that he had the Lord of the Rings series. That series always interested me, but I never got a chance to read them.

Ford also introduced me to a game he adored called Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons. Thankfully, he guided me along the way, but it was confusing when first starting. I did enjoy FCLORPing, which seemed similar to this, so it ended up being fun for me too once I started to catch on, and I knew what the rules were.

I also hooked up an Apple TV to their own TV (which was surprisingly compatible with the newest technology, but I’m not going to question it), and we’ve been watching documentaries on Netflix. From Blackfish, to Mission Blue, it’s held our attention pretty well.

And it’s bonded us closer. Not only us, but Soos, Melody, and even Abuelita.

Speaking of Soos and Melody, she is about to give birth any day now. She is officially on bed rest, and Abuelita and Soos pamper her.

I hope I have that when I start having children. I’ve been longing for a strong, familial unit of my own for a while now.

The only one who still isn’t my biggest fan is Stan. I thought since I showed everyone who I was that he would start to ease up on his rough attitude towards me, but… no. He still doesn’t like the fact that I’m hanging around his brother.

It’s making me question if I’m doing something wrong. It’s a little too late to say that Ford and I should stop being friends, because we would both be hurt in the long run. We work really well together, and… honestly, I can’t picture not having him in my life anymore.

“Hey,” Ford said my name. “Are you up for a little trek? I want to show you something that I’ve only shown a select few.”

“Really? What is it?” I asked.

Ford smiled. “It’s something so rare, not even my brother has seen it. Only my closest friend and my great nephew have seen this.”

“C’mon, quit holding out on me, dude! You have to show me this thing!” I nudged his shoulder.

Ford put his hands up in defense, smiling jovially. “Alright, alright,” he said, as if he wasn’t the one who tried to get me all excited to see this object of his suggestion. “If you insist.”

I rolled my eyes playfully. “Shut up!”

“I never said anything, dear.”

We walked along a path into the forest, where I admired all of the wildlife along the way. Deer, squirrels… gnomes… minotaurs… handsome men…

Wait, what?!

I whipped my head around as we walked to look at a random blonde haired blue eyed man in designer clothing sniffing the ground as if he were a dog, and lifted his bottom in the air as he walked on all fours.

Ford had noticed I stopped, and grabbed my shoulders to keep me moving. “Come along, dear.”

I looked over my shoulder to keep staring at that man. That was a sight I never thought I’d see. It’s almost like that man was completely feral. I looked up at Ford, and he was completely unfazed.

Well, it’s Gravity Falls. If it’s not weird, that’s what’s unusual.

We arrived at a clearing that overlooked a strange shape in the cliff facing it. It was mostly what you’d expect a grassy clearing to look like, except there was a small hill in the middle of the clearing.

“Woah… what is this place?” I asked, in awe of its beauty.

“This is the Crash Site Omega or the CSO for short,” he told me. “It’s a place that… well… only the closest people to me have seen.”

“I can see why,” I told him, turning to see the town. “The view from here is amazing! You can almost see the whole town from here.”

He smiled. “Exactly,” he said. “And… there’s also another reason why I brought you here.”

I turned to him as he walked up to where I was standing. “Yeah? What’s that?” I asked.

“Later tonight, I was planning to stargaze here. Apparently, a meteor shower is supposed to take place at eight thirty,” he told me. “I checked the calculations myself, and for once, the news is correct. And… I would like it if you joined me.”

I nodded eagerly. “Definitely! This will be my first meteor shower!” I told him.

Ford smiled. “This will be the first meteor shower that I’ve seen in over thirty years,” he told me.

“Now we have to make it extra special!” I said, before my face dropped. “What does one bring to a meteor shower to make it special?”

He chuckled. “For starters, some may bring lawn chairs or blankets, but I settle for the latter,” Ford said. “They’re much comfier to sit upon.”

“Ah, that’s it!” I exclaimed. “I’ll provide the hot chocolate! We just… have to meet in town again. I don’t know how to get back here, even if I tried.”

Ford chuckled. “Not to worry, dear,” he told me. “You can meet me by that clock with the fist indent in the pole at 7:30.”

I smiled. “Great! It’s a date. See ya later, Ford!” I told him, going on my way back to town.

Before I could even make it a yard away, Ford called my name. “The way to town is that way,” he told me, pointing in the opposite direction to where I was going.

I felt my face get hot with embarrassment. “I knew that,” I told him. “I was just testing you to make sure you knew that, too.”

Ford laughed at my bullshit excuse. “Let’s get you to town safely,” he said as he began leading the way.

“My hero!” I cheered, running to catch up with him. He cracked a smile, and looked at the trees. His ears turned a little red… unless they were already red from before. I mean, it is the first day of spring, so it is still a little cool.

Ford led me back to town, and from there I bought a whole box of hot chocolate. I returned around 7:30 to the clock with the fist indented pole with my thermos and two mugs and waited for him to arrive. Thankfully, he didn’t keep me waiting long, and had the flannel blanket underneath his arm.

“Shall we get going, my dear?” he asked.

I nodded, smiling at him. “We shall.”

We both softly laughed as we made our way back to the Crash Site Omega, or the CSO to set up camp. Ford straightened out the blanket on the grass as I poured the hot chocolate in the mugs.

Once he was finished, we both sat on the blanket and placed our mugs together with a small clink. Afterwards, we watched over the night sky with no sound but the crickets playing their lovely melody for us.

After a while, the meteor shower started. Never did I see so many natural lights in the sky at once. It was breathtaking, how the meteors danced across the sky. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the display that nature had gifted us on this sunday night.

Good thing I’m off tomorrow.

The peak activity started to die down a few hours later, and Ford decided to break the comfortable silence between us by calling my name. I looked at him.

“You know, it’s rather rare for a meteor shower to be so visible at this time,” he said with a smile on his face. “They usually appear after midnight, and this is usually due to the fact that the Earth is facing forward in its orbit, which means more space debris may be encountered.”

“Woah… that’s so riveting,” I said, looking at the night sky again.

It started to hurt to crane my neck to look up at the night sky, so I laid down on the blanket. I think Ford had the same idea, as he laid down next to me.

“Ford.”

“Yes, dear?”

“What do you think happens when we die?” I asked.

“What an abrupt question…” he said.

“I don’t know why staring at this meteor shower triggered it, but… I was just curious what you thought.”

“Well…” he started. “I believe there is some sort of afterlife.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” he said. “To be honest… I believe that when we die, we gain all the knowledge we lacked in this life, as without our physical bodies holding us back… we can achieve so much more as spiritual beings.”

“Wow… Stanford, that’s really profound…”

“Isn’t it?” he said. “That, and we get to traverse the universe without harm. We are observers, but there is the rare chance that we can meddle in the physical world, just very subtly, though.”

I sighed with a smile. Being here, with him… it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside… almost as if the voice inside of me is telling me that I was supposed to be here, at this exact time, in this exact location, with this exact person, talking about… this.

This must be what it feels like to be at peace.

“What about you, dear? What do you believe?” he asked.

“I believe the same as you, believe it or not,” I told him. “I feel a strong lull from the universe, like I am exactly where I need to be at this moment.”

I’m being really vulnerable with him right now… maybe a little too vulnerable.

He must think I’m insane for saying something like that.

“It’s extraordinary that you said that,” he said my name, looking into my eyes. “Because I feel the same way. I was supposed to be here at this exact moment… with you.”

I smiled serenely, looking into his copper brown eyes. “So you feel the same way.”

Ford nodded, looking back at the night sky. “I… was honestly afraid of how quickly our relationship formed,” he admitted. “I thought I had been finally losing my mind… but I think I finally found someone with whom I can be my complete self.”

I felt my eyelids become heavier as I turned my gaze to the meteor shower, maintaining my smile. “I completely concur…” I said, my eyelids closing.

💚

A/N: I've been thinking about uploading on Saturdays instead of Fridays for this series, but it depends on how I feel. If you've read to this point, thanks for reading!

Next part is here! Click for childfree route!

Click for other route!

[hornytome]

no one makes sappy poly threesome f/ftm/m fics and it’s slowly killing me.

i’ve been writing again, he’s here for the summer now and my brain is on fire. like. so horny i can’t focus on anything.

i know my content got a hell of a lot more niche all of a sudden, so much love to those who are sticking around for the utter clown show/fanfiction that my life is these days.

i was thinking about how this blog is essentially a chronicle of my sexuality and gender. in great detail. i started it when i was younger, before i’d had sex with anyone, or dated anyone (i was 18, so no worries. not too young.) i was hyper sexual for various reasons. i still identified as a bisexual woman. at least, that’s the label i accepted at the time. then i met Edith. she deeply impacted this blog and helped shape the person i am today. more on that later.

as i grew in our relationship, i shifted to identifying as a she/they lesbian. i was very, very confused at this time. i held no real confidence or investment in my identity.

i moved closer and closer to masculinity, contextualizing that by identifying as a butch stone top lesbian. my activity on tumblr was at its peak here. this was the point i started gaining confidence. the masculinity felt right through the lens of butchness. being a lesbian felt like a box i had to check to have an excuse to be this masculine.

so, that brings us to last summer. we are happily existing as a butch femme couple, absolutely clueless to the cosmic ass whooping we were about to receive.

a uni friend Edith had known for a while suddenly became a bigger part of our lives. he met Edith shortly before i did, actually. hanging out more, parties (like, BBQs, we aren’t partiers 😭). we had him over for dinner, and the tension was comically thick for NO REASON. i barely knew him at this point and it was the longest we’d talked. honestly. this was the 1st time we’d hung out alone and the chemistry was actually slightly unnerving between the three of us.

so, the way i break this down is there were 2 significant evenings. the first night we had him over for dinner: unbeknownst to each other, edith and i were essentially having identical OCD obsessions (something to talk about later, how my ocd impacts my gender) about not being lesbians, being attracted to him, having a threesome with him. we were both extremely committed to the bit of being lesbians, but we were both having these internal breakdowns about it.

in between the first and second dinner, we almost threw up admitting what had been going on.

then, there’s the god forsaken second dinner. i cringe when i think of it, mostly. it was a clumsy proposition on our part. he turned us down, very sweetly. we shocked him so bad he started doing the dishes. there was crazy stuff going on for him at the time, so it was a cherry on top situation.

for unrelated life plot reasons, we couldn’t see him until march. it was about a week long visit.

it was amazing. it feels like something beyond just fuck buddies and it scares me immensely. all of us did comment that we weren’t seeking this, whatever it is, out in any way. while visiting, he reaffirmed that there were no feelings, leaving it an open question. i lied through my teeth, personally—“of course not.” i’m not sure about his truthfulness. more on that later.

it felt like a week long date with a ridiculous amount of sex. it was frustratingly tender and ephemeral and profound.

the visit ended, and it hasn’t been until now that he’s been close again. for the summer.

this all feels too real to be a fuck buddy situation. it feels too tender and good and warm to just be about fucking.

anyways, looping back massively, upon realizing i was sexually attracted to him, i realized i’m transmasc at the very least. i say this because i can’t admit i’m probably a man. finding my bisexuality through this was like coming home. i’ve never been romantically attracted to a man before him, and this experience further drove home my bisexuality. i keep telling myself i’m only mildly in love with him.

regardless, he leaves for much longer at the end of summer. a lot longer. so we’ll have this summer.

[thenationaltreasuregazette]

On watching National Treasure with a friend

My dear readers, it’s been too long!

Apologies for my tardiness, but the past few months have been incredibly hectic. My grandmother’s been sick, work has been extra chaotic, and my best friend was visiting from Türkiye.

We met in grad school, and two of our classmates were getting married (to each other) in April so she came from Istanbul for the wedding and stayed with me for a few weeks afterwards. It has been a whirlwind of lunches, day trips, and movies. I bring this to your attention now because on one of her first nights here, she requested to watch National Treasure.

I promise I didn’t foist it on her! She’s heard me talk about the blog so much that she wanted to see what the fuss was all about. She’d seen National Treasure once at some point in the past, but didn’t remember much about it. And I need very little provocation for a rewatch, so off we went.

My friend is incredibly expressive. She’s one of those people who wears her heart on her sleeve even when doing something as simple as watching a movie. One of my favorite things about hanging out with her is her reactions to things. She’ll always let you know if she’s happy or surprised or what have you. Me, my reactions tend to be a little more all or nothing. But I digress.

I loved watching National Treasure with her because she really engaged with it. You could tell by the amount she was laughing, reacting, and asking questions that she was really pulled into the story. Honestly, I had forgotten how funny the movie is. Like I know that it’s funny (both because of the excellent comic relief provided by Riley, and occasionally through moments of sheer camp) but I know the movie so well it’s been a long time since I’ve laughed out loud at the jokes. But my friend was laughing in all the right places. It was a delightful reminder of what it felt like to watch National Treasure for the first time, and to be charmed by its ridiculous adventure.

She also elicited a few disbelieving “no!”s, surprised “whaaat”s and other reactions that reminded me of how exciting the movie is. To me it feels like a familiar blanket at this point, but it was nice to be reminded of how much the movie turns. It never stays still for too long. The plot is always thickening in a really satisfying way.

I was also surprised by which pieces of American history she was familiar with. Like, she recognized the Watergate hotel on sight? No judgement here. I could probably not have pointed Türkiye out on a map before we became friends. It was just interesting to me which pieces of American pop-history had stuck with her.

I tried not to be too annoying during the watch. While I am at this point overflowing with fun tidbits of National Treasure knowledge, I tried to hold back from pausing to commentate unless I thought the fact in question would make the watch more fun.

This was also the first time I’d watched the movie all the way through with the subtitles on. I tend to thrown them on if I’m looking for a particular scene to take a screenshot of, but don’t want my audio on for whatever reason, but I had never watched the movie through like that. At this point, I know most of the dialogue by heart.

However, there are a few lines that took me a long time to make out, and the subtitles really drew my focus to these places. (Why didn’t I just turn the subtitles on a as a kid? Idk, it never occurred to me.) I was already wanted to do an article on misheard lines, and this watch pushed that closer to the top of my list.

After the movie, my friend wanted to watch Book of Secrets. We found some time for that a week or two later. Today will not be a day to yuck on anyone’s yums, so suffice it to say she enjoyed it, but not as much as the first one.

There isn’t really a conclusion here, except perhaps find a willing, uninitiated friend and watch your favorite movie with them. See what comes up for both of you.

Now that my friend is back home and my nana is moved into a new place, things will hopefully settle down for me a bit and I will get back to a somewhat regular positing schedule. No promises, but there’s still a lot I want to cover!

I hope things are well for you! Happy hunting.

Your Editor

[solsjustlionaround]

Things that should have clued me in on my nonhuman identity include:

Cats for Halloween over literally anything else. I primarily had cat themed costumes as a kid, lol and refused to give up my favorite one until I couldn't fit it.

Made any animal planet documentaries about lions into a whole movie-style celebration complete with doing my hair up in buns to replicate lion ears. I was a little kid so obvi my hair was just a mess.

Family member got obsessed with Thundercats, claimed to be a lion, and I vibed with it so I also explained how us lions existed (before knowing my lion identity, mind you. We were two cats in a humans world and nothing could stop our chaotic antics!)

Had a vampire friend who challenged my views on myself and became very connected with feral heart (which I made mostly feline avatars to goof off with!)

Retired my longest standing personal fursona when I drew a lion and it just made sense. (I now have a personal fursona and a kin-based fusona that are both leonid)

Felt at home just hanging out with the lions at the local theme park rather than enjoying the park as a whole itself. (I still go visit them and sit with them for a little while. I even know the prides by their names! :) I'm always at home when I go see them) {start of awakening lol}

Dug more into paleontology and lo-and behold found more information about pleistocene lions (and honestly its so fucking cool)

And finally, got involved with discovering myself. Which, surprise surprise, it took a while to narrow down the exact time frame of existence for my theriotype!

(more under the cut, mostly just rambling)

It took a bit to get here; if you've read my intro pin I've been awakened fully since I was 25, but I'm happy I understand myself more. Pinpointing what I am never was difficult, I was just in a difficult living situation that never let me stray far from my identity as a human. My hardest acceptance for myself was my gender and sexuality, thanks to my upbringings, but once that threshold was crossed things started making more sense.

I found myself. Though I don't think I ever really lost it, I just had to retrace my steps to remember.

Blegh. Vague rambling.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

how do you stop missing someone, especially when they arent really gone gone you just aren't in each others lives anymore and neither of you can go back to how it was in the before times recent community grief got me thinking and im sorry if youre not the person to ask but idk maybe you have thoughts?

So, I have this friend who just went through a pretty nasty divorce. And even before the separation and the filing, the man she married and the man she was currently married to were not the same person. This man had changed in only a few years, and not for the better. He had spent time in some pretty gross places and picked up some pretty gross ideologies, and he treated her pretty terribly. She filed for divorce, and then one day asked me, "If he is so terrible to me, why do I keep feeling like leaving him is like someone died?"

And my response to her was honestly more or less a paraphrase of something I had read in a book after my dad died that was about grief and got into grief that isn't necessarily caused by a death, but instead a separation of people for any number of reasons. Could be immigration takes you so far away from each other that you don't have the ability or money to visit, it can be a divorce, it can be cutting off toxic parents that you still love, it could be the loss of a friendship... Any number of things.

So what I told her was when you lose someone, you don't necessarily have to lose them to death to feel like you have lost connection to a life.

My friend wasn't mourning the loss of a man who treated her like shit. She was grieving the loss of the man she had originally married, the man she fell in love with, the man she dated. And she was grieving the loss of the future she had pictured having with him.

That's grieving a life lost.

I have lost a few people in this way. Sometimes to a conflict, sometimes to simply losing touch over time. The funny part is that I still sometimes have dreams where I'm just hanging out with them. Or in the case of an old boyfriend, I sometimes have dreams even now about apologizing for some of the things I did and hearing him apologize for some of the things he did. That conversation is never going to happen, not through any fault of either of our own, it just isn't. But the mind still wants things to wrap up, it wants to be able to categorize events and people and places in our lives and file them neatly away.

Life is too messy for that.

What has worked best for me, and it may not work for you but for me... I allow the grief and the mourning. I make space for it. I acknowledge that it's real and it's not lesser than other forms of grief just because it isn't necessarily as permanent. Pain is pain, and this isn't Sadness Olympics.

So for me, being able to think about it and work it out and go over what happened and what I'm sad about helps me because I'm not repressing and pushing it down, which only makes me dwell on it. Instead, I might notice something and think, Dustin would really like this song. And then feel a moment of melancholy for the conversations we never got to have. And then I move on.

If the loss is fresh, acknowledge that it's fresh, and that it's going to take a while to feel any better than you do right now about it.

It will stop being a fresh loss. But it may still come to mind from time to time, and that's okay, that's normal. Grief and loss are not linear. They are circles, they are rivers, they wind around and double back on themselves. They come in waves, they come in hailstorms, they come in the tide making its inexorable way up or down, they come sometimes in droughts.

Sometimes it can help if you have someone to talk to about it, or just write down what you're feeling even if you never show those writings to anyone else. Make space for the feelings, make space for the thoughts. Play music that resonates with how you feel, read books that fit the mood, maybe draw pictures. Just let your brain do what it will with the emotions.

It helps me. I don't know if it would help you.

But those are my thoughts.

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

Hola, a friend and I are thinking about doing a sightseeing trip to Madrid in the middle of november. Do you have some insider tips what we should see? :)

hi anon, yes of course !!!

so, one thing about madrid, it isn't a monument city but a walking city. i'd say walking through the city center, centered around the two main squares, puerta del sol and plaza mayor (both also massive tourist hotspots so expect a ton of people). just walking around that area, around arenal street, calle mayor (main street), carretas street and others is enough to get a feel of the oldest part of the city (also called 'madrid the los austrias' or 'austrian madrid', when spain was ruled by the habsburgs). it's my favourite area honestly, alongside the barrio de las letras, which you can get to walking or in a few metro stops. its name translates to 'neighborhood of the letters' because a ton of writers lived here, and you can find phrases from spanish literary classics engraved on the streets, it's lovely.

apart from that central area, other cool spots i would really recommend you should check out is gran vía (busiest street in the city, it literally translates to 'broadway', it has a ton of theatres as well), malasaña (hip arts district, love the vibe, also it's so beautiful and there's always stuff going on, really nice place to go out at night as well), chueca (next to malasaña, it's the queer district!!! also very beautiful), debod (my actual favourite place in the city!!!!!! it's this hill that holds an egyptian temple - the temple of debod - that was gifted to spain after the aswan campaign, you can visit it and also the views from the city from here are lovely, you can find the best sunset here), el rastro (the largest flea market in the country, you can visit it every sunday, you can find anything here. also nearby, in the cuesta de moyano, there's a book fair also open only on sundays), retiro park (our main park, really pretty, it's very nice to just chill; it also has a lake you can row on, and cool statues and stuff), and the royal palace (it's open to the public if that's your thing, but the area around it is very very nice, i always end up here when i hang out with my friends).

now let's talk museums!!!! madrid has a ton of museums, i'll tell you the ones i recommend but depending on what you're looking for there's probably something for you. important to note is that at least the prado and the reina sofía museums are free everyday one hour before they close !!!!!! important !!!!!! check in case there's other museums that do this, but i'm unsure, i think it's those two and maybe the thyssen?

so. the main three art museums in madrid are the prado museum (the counterpart of the louvre, that sorta vibe), the reina sofía museum (our modern art museum, only stuff from picasso onwards), and the thyssen museum (ngl i haven't been here, it's a private museum made out of the collection of this one countess). all of them (more or less) are in the prado boulevard, which is also very nice to walk by so it's always lovely to go there even if you don't enter the museums. nearby there's also the national archaeological museum, my personal favourite one.

other smaller but also cool museums that i love are the madrid history museum (the facade is insane, also has tons of cool maps of the city), romanticism museum (an old romanticism-era palace with romanticism-era paintings and other stuff), cerralbo museum (underrated af; it is the personal collection of this one noble, the building itself is absolutely insane), and the sorolla museum (if you like sorolla this is your place!).

(i'm nearly done i swear)

if you have time and want to visit a nearby city, my recommendations are: alcalá de henares (really close to madrid, it has the second oldest university in spain, with a medieval feel to it, it also has the madrid archaeological museum - it was a roman foundation under the name of complutum - and most importantly, it's known for being the birthplace of miguel de cervantes, writer of don quijote!!!! you can visit his house, it's now a museum :), el escorial (deep in the mountains, it has the monastery of el escorial, maximum icon of spanish renaissance, it was the winter palace of the monarchy and holds the royal crypt, where most of spanish monarchs have been buried), toledo (oh if you love medieval cities you'll love this one. it was the first capital of spain, and it is most known for being the city that during the medieval times had christians, muslims and jews living peacefully. there's tons of churches, mosques and synagogues to visit, and it is very well preserved, with narrow steep cobblestone streets, cannot recommend it enough), and segovia (toledo is to the south of madrid, and segovia to the north! it is most famous for its roman aqueduct, the best preserved and highest in the country, and it also has a ton of historical buildings, including its alcázar, a palace that inspired the sleeping beauty castle !!!!!). also it's not a city but there's a national park in madrid, the sierra de guadarrama national park and it's super beautiful, it's this lovely mountainous area perfect for hiking or just chilling, and depending on when in november you come, you might see snow!

as a final warning!! i don't know where you're from but in november madrid is probably colder than you are expecting so make sure to pack some extra layers just in case !!!

[toadallytickles]

When it comes to you and Clay playing with others, do you 2 not get jealous because the mindset is “we are each others number 1 no matter what.” Or is it because “yeah it’s tickling and it can get steamy with others, but there’s no romance here.”?

I’m sure you 2 communicate with each other, but I’ve read sessions from others where Clay nibbles on the lee’s neck and the video where you’re getting tickled by the couple. Like what do you 2 think when hearing/seeing what happened when playing with others? Is it encouragement or is it “ehh, alright.”

This is a really good question!

Jealousy is not a bad emotion to feel. It’s okay to feel jealous. And non-monogamous people are allowed to feel jealousy too. A lot of people have the misconception that non-monogamy is about vanishing jealousy for good, but no, it’s learning how to handle your jealousy.

We still feel jealous of each other at times, but we’ve managed it to where its a fun motivator for us to do that with each other! Sometimes I get jealous when Clay and his other partner go out on a nature walk; well now I want to go on a nature walk! Or Clay learns something new with another play partner; well now I want to try that next time we play! Jealousy has helped us communicate more of our wants and desires! These days, a lot of my jealousy sparks my tickle moods and libido! It’s more like, “Hey, me next!”

We don’t consider ourselves as primaries or number ones anymore. Inherently it’s like that as we’re nesting partners, though we no longer have hierarchy in our relationships. Clay also has another romantic partner.

Before we committed to each other as romantic partners, we’ve already desired and communicated that we were going to be non-monogamous. We wanted to see and play with other people. And we’ve been learning about each other and non-monogamy for 5 years now. It’s absolutely not an overnight change, and you do have to feel pretty intense emotions for you to realize at the end of it, “Oh, I’m surviving this.” “Oh, he still loves me, and we just got stronger, and closer to each other.” You have to feel these emotions to learn how to handle them.

We feel great compersion for each other when we play with other people! It’s exciting and awesome to freely play with others! And it gives the other some independent time, or the opportunity to hang out with other friends! I’m really happy when Clay sets up a session with a friend, or with someone new! Like, yeah! He’s awesome and such a great player; I’m happy someone else gets to experience him! Similar to having a metamour, I’m happy someone else loves him, and feeds him, and gets him good gifts! (I also gets the benefits of having delicious food, having another friend, and having the house to myself sometimes~).

A lot of it too was building up my self confidence and self-esteem. Jealous feelings can arise if you feel you are less than, or if you feel your relationship is being threatened by someone better than you. And you don’t have to be perfectly in love with yourself and mentally healthy, I’m absolutely not there, I’m still pretty self conscious and anxious, but I’m more comfortable with who I am and where I am in life. Clay has also been super reassuring that he’s not going anywhere, and we only get closer when we have the freedom to form other relationships. It’s also super comforting after a gathering, or visiting others, to come home to each other and decompress.

We love hearing and seeing what the other’s been up to! Because it excites us and spices up our own relationship! I’m also very nosy and a pervert where I want to know details, only if the other player/s consent to sharing. I also love watching Clay play with others~! Other relationships and love for others brings back more love to our relationship! I honestly think we just know each other so well now and trust each other immensely that playing with others is desired for each other, and a regular part of our lives and relationship! :)

[ralofofriverwoods]

3, 4, 16, 22, and 42 from the wholesome ask game, for virthik? (if he has friends????)

plus full permission to add on with any other oc you wanna talk about :3

He has friends! He’s just bad at being close friends with ppl. Very nervous and very inexperienced in that

3 what is something they really like about themselves, and what’s something you really like about them?

Hmmmm. Virthik likes his hair a lot. It’s arguably the nicest thing about him, in terms of the amount of care put in. He also quite likes that he’s finally at a point in life where he can actually do things that he wants to do, and have a say in what may happen to him. The thing I like most about him physically is his dragon horns :3 overall I like that he does his dead level best to help people when he can, even if he doesn’t know he’s doing it :)

4 What is the thing they like the most about their friends, and what is the thing their friends like the most about them?

For friends that are my ocs, he likes that they’re kinda used to his whole thing(pretty much just automatically) so they don’t end up getting terribly worried when he says out of pocket shit on accident(at least not visibly). Should they prolly be worried? Absolutely. He has a 50% chance of a therapist resigning after the first 2 visits, it’s like a status effect.

For npc friends(like Serena) he likes that she also kinda doesn’t mind hating on one’s own parents. Like ‘ayyy! Mine are shit too, what a coincidence!’ And of course that serana is kind of ok with just. Not chatting, but being around each other as a way to hang out. Burnt out chosen ones 🤝 not talking constantly bc honestly wtf. How

I’d list more canon characters but the only others I can think of rn are either government officials or gelebor. Sooooo

For something that they like about him, I think all of them have a general appreciation for his skill in combat. Learning how to fight early on has its perks! Especially the ones that have low health, it’s very nice to have a bit of a tank as a teammate

Otherwise I think they like that he’s always up for pretty much anything. Wanna go to that old abandoned crypt that’s definitely full of cultists? Why not! Wanna rebuild an entire town from the ground up? How hard could it be! Wanna talk about our feelings? Ok maybe not that one very much but he’ll get back to ya!

16 What was the happiest moment of their life?

I think it would have to be a few days after the dawnguard questline tbh. Hasn’t killed alduin yet but honestly? It’s good to know that he CAN kill him, or at least that he’ll have a chance. He’s still got a long way to go, sure, but knowing that you’re doing something right is always nice.

22 If they had to pick up an instrument, what would they choose? 

Ooh that’s a tough one. In Skyrim he’d prolly do a lute, for lack of any other really interesting instruments(other than a flute but like. Meh). If he could choose a modern instrument it would either be the drums or an electric guitar. Why? Cause he’d look cool.

42 Let them vent for a second, without the fear of being judged. What would they like to say?

“Ughhh well. I’ll admit I’m not feeling great. I mean like just in general I’m not but I really am not feeling great right now. Feel like I’m missing a bunch of stuff I should have known a long time ago, I don’t like it. Just a lot of things are happening and I don’t really want to mess it up if I can help it, I guess? I guess it’s a little like spinning a bunch of plates and making sure none of em drop and shatter? I think that’s the saying… umm I think it would help to just curl up under a rock for a little while haha. Maybe after I clear my to do list…”

[freebooter4ever]

If you weren't actually meaning to open a convo on the all star game feel free to ignore this!

But I think it just has a lot to do with how the all star weekend involves a ton of media so even if they enjoy the game/events themselves there's a lot of strings attached. Like all your coworkers are posting vacation photos, and you may have even been on vacation with them, but you had to cut yours short to work. Sure the office is also throwing a party but it just isn't quite the same as having those days off.

lol!!! Well its not really a discussion on my part because i will just never be able to understand the player's perspective, but i find it fascinating to hear explanations of why the players dont like it - partially because i wonder if the league was a little more "hip", if it could be salvaged.

For one thing, for some of us salary challenged people 'vacation' is not really a thing - i always used my time off to go home and visit my grandparents. Though quite honestly i'd rather hang out with grandma for five days doing nothing but puzzles than sit on a beach doing nothing for five days. When i lived and worked on the east coast i spent most of the year missing my grandparents and the pacific northwest and wishing i was there, so naturally it was always the first place i went to when i got a chance. Im weird. And boring. I realize this.

Secondly, when i did work in education there was this yearly conference and pretty soon after i became in charge of the art department we started bringing the whole team to these conferences. It was the highlight of my year - im not even kidding, im that much of a nerd. I thought my team were the greatest people ever - a sort of found family if you will - and getting to be stuck for an entire weekend with them in some of the most boring cities the united states has to offer never failed to entertain. You know how when you're with people you love everything just feels more exciting? Even dumb shit like getting lost on the DC subway because the foodie of your group wants to try a very specific japanese restaurant thats in a far corner of the city on the opposite end of where the hotel is located. Or getting lost in Atlanta because we had to walk all over the old olympi*c grounds just to see some old stadium so the sports fans in our group could take a photo. Actually now that i think about it most of our outings involved getting lost while walking places. Im not even going to go into detail about the more boring cities because im embarrassed to admit that i found even the most mundane events Really Exciting with these guys. I had a blast, this was the highlight of my LIFE, i dont have very many friends or get out much, lol. I miss those days. I see some of the team individually, like when i last visited pittsburgh, but its not the same as being trapped in a random city and having to entertain yourselves during the off hours when you're not giving presentations. These conferences were also the only time i ever experienced Popularity. Being able to sit in a hotel lobby and have people come up to me, because they recognized me (or my team) was a blast. This is the ideal scenario for a shy person who loves talking to people but cant start a conversation to save my life. I did not care that most of these fans were educators over 40, they all had interesting stories and hearing them talk about using our program helped me come up with new things to implement next so it was a win-win. I also shamelessly used this time to do research on the history of our team. The group peaked in the 90s/2000s and it was really easy to get the older members to start talking about those days. i could probably write a book with everything i learned over the years. except not because even education nerds have scandal. the thing i always found is that if a person seems boring its just cause you haven't asked them the right questions yet.

There was one instance of a guy my age who came up to me and turned out to know the sculpting program i used, and was canadian so we had the whole pacific northwest thing in common, so after the con was over for the day the two of us went out on the town alone. And stayed out till like 2am, not doing anything wild (we visitd tourist sites! We bought smoothies!) i believe we ended up hanging out on an empty playground and talking philosophy, but im pretty sure that was the closest i will ever get to having a one night hookup. The hookup part did not happen because i was too shy to invite him back to my hotel room, and he was staying in a buddhist temple because it was the cheapest housing available and he was a broke grad student studying machine learning and art. I still remember that night, that was the Best night, partially because it was so unexpected and a random happenstance meeting of two strangers who would normally never come together.

Aaaaaall that said, i do realize we are talking about hockey players here who i imagine are maybe not the best conversationalists, and maybe would much rather be sleeping on a beach somewhere. And most of them are probably not the creative type to make exploring a city new or interesting no matter how many times you've been there. (with the exception of sid*ney cro*sby who as we all know is excellent at scavenger hunts). So all right, yeah, maybe i too wouldn't relish the idea of being stuck in a city with a whole bunch of hockey bros.

I also imagine its very different asking someone like sid if he enjoys the all*star game versus asking some player who isnt the best in the league and maybe just got there because of a voting fluke or the rest of his team is just shitty, and is maybe fairly new to the league and this is his first time going, and holy shit he's sitting next to sid at breakfast. Cmon theres got to be at least one guy having that experience even if they would never admit it because its uncool to fangirl.

[despite-everything]

im gonna rant a little

this fucking sucks because im actually very upset with my best friend and their partner. we're close friends and tend to agree on important things, so of course i assumed they were both still wearing masks indoors - specifically, at work, in class, and while in stores. i personally dont wear a mask at home or when visiting friends homes, or when at jiu jitsu (you like... cant wear a mask there. so yes it is an exposure risk but even with a mask, at that proximity its all but useless), and i figured they were in the same boat where i didnt see them wearing masks because we were always hanging out at our own apartments, outside, or in my private office at work (where its safe to remove cause im alone). but it turns out i was wrong about that.

my friends partner (we're friends? but she has been a bit erratic lately and i cant fucking predict her and so i dont even know where we stand anymore. it fucking sucks to have someone go hot-and-cold on you all the time, but i believe that she's fundamentally more mature than this behavior suggests and believe that she is working to do better, and since she's with my best friend, i'm more tolerant of that behavior than i would be with someone else) got sick and said she was sick yesterday, and i was thinking about how both of them have gotten ill a fair amount the past few months. despite masking, i also got sick twice, so i didnt think too much of it before. but yesterday i was like... wait. how the fuck are they getting sick so often if theyre wearing masks. and asked about it - turns out, they've really only been wearing masks in places like airplanes. yeah, they're both vaccinated and boosted, but what the fuck.

anyway, i just got a text saying they both feel sick now and i genuinely dont have any fucking sympathy at all right now. like... i dont want to be a dick but if you stop wearing masks and then suddenly start getting sick all the fucking time that just proves why masks are so important??? like what the fuck. and honestly i feel like i maybe misjudged them in a way? like i still care and we're still friends but i feel hurt and shocked that they would both just decide to stop masking everywhere and put people at such a risk and think so little of it that it never comes up in conversation.

and i want to talk to them about it but i really dont know how... like i said, my friends partner has been incredibly inconsistent and unpredictable in her behavior towards me and i cant imagine this conversation going well. i think for now im just not going to respond to the text and stop checking in for a couple days cause im pissed. usually, when they're sick, i check in daily and offer to go to the store/cook food/help out where i can, but i am not fucking willing to do it this time. this fucking sucks.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my brother his wife is using him?

This may be long but I want to make sure there is enough info for you to give an accurate judgment. TLDR at the end but I encourage reading the full post

I (25f) have an older brother, J (28m). I also have a younger brother (22m), L. J and I were always close when we were younger then grew apart as we got older, the boys always were close. The year J graduated high school we became close again.

J met his gf A (29-31f, I dont even know how old she is but she's older then J) during college. I remember the first time A came home with him, and she was very sweet but very nervous. We clicked and had a good conversation that lasted hours (we all were at our parents house and us girls had to share a room and the boys did too). Anytime there were holidays we stayed at our parents and did this (big holidays that colleges had off like Christmas and Thanksgiving)

We met up a couple of times and all was fine. It was hard as they lived far away from where we grew up (2-4 hours depending on traffic and routes). Then I moved to the country, about 20 minutes away from them. We met up more often, but only maybe about once every 3 months. No big deal, I was busy working. Then J and A got engaged and it felt like everything changed.

I would invite them to hang out or get dinner, but J and A would make excuses. J would be like "A can't come so we won't make it" even when I said "okay but what if only you came? You're my brother?" He would make excuses. The days they agreed to meet up, suddenly day of couldn't go. He was tired after work, she wasn't feeling good, the car wasn't working. Anything and everything you could think of. I did notice whenever L came to visit me and stay, J and A would always be available to meet up, even if it was last minute.

So I figured...it somehow must be me? And then they got married. And it was beautiful.

Or so im told as it was a private ceremony and I wasn't invited :) I actually was originally told the date, which I asked off of work for, but then I got a text a week prior saying "guess what happened tonight" and then was told they got married. L was there. Our parents and myself were not. A did tell me she didn't feel right inviting our parents if her parents weren't there...but why not me? I was told it was a private ceremony and only L was there as a witness, but one of their friend's posted pictures and it had over 5 different people in them

I tried to let it go but honestly it hurt me and pissed me off and everything kept adding onto it. I have zero clue what the hell i did. I have texted J and asked him point blank if he is mad at me, he would deny. I asked for A's number cause he mentioned she was lonely and had lost friends, I said we could go get our nails done since that's something she likes (I dont but I figured I'd extend an olive branch) he refused to give it to me. It seems its me but again I have zero clue why.

It worsened after me and J got into an argument. They canceled again, and I do know A was having a bought of depression at this time. I understood, as someone diagnosed with depression and anxiety. But J told me I never would understand (A was still going out to places and hanging out with friends, meanwhile there were days I couldn't get out of bed and called into work sick. I know we shouldn't compare mental illness but it seemed like an excuse to me. A also would do things that she has said makes her mental health worse, like reading and watching things that triggers her). The whole reason I wanted to hang out is because I had Christmas gifts from our parents and a few of our childhood friends for them (L was out of the country at this time and had mailed a gift to them). They kept bailing and I tried for TWO MONTHS, I finally delivered the items the week after Valentines.

One of our friends was a baker and TOLD THEM she baked them a cake, special for them because A has dietary restrictions due to a chronic disease. They knew this and it spoiled. So I was upset for my friend, and I lied and said they got it to save her the hurt.

But when J finally told me to drop off the items I blew up at him. We stood outside his house and yelled at each other. He flat out told me to stop being so emotional and that I was letting hormones get in the way of thinking, and that I should understand A being depressed. I did! I yelled at him he should get his head out of his ass and that he is letting down not just me but our friends, especially the baker who has a waitlist and made stuff SPECIAL for them. He didn't thank me for my gift, but texted each individual person for theirs.

That was in 2022. A month after I apologized and he said he forgave me. But nothing has changed. Since then they didn't wish me happy birthday (they called L on his, he is now living with me temporarily, but when I pointed out I didn't get a happy birthday from anyone *literally only one friend wished me a happy birthday and L, even my own parents forgot* A told me I needed to get over myself and that birthdays weren't that important to them so I shouldn't take any offense. I didnt expect them to wish me a happy birthday this year because of that, but my true friends and my parents did remember this year),. They didn't come to my college graduation. I stopped texting J and I hadn't heard a response since. We did see each other this past Christmas coincidentally, not planned as they didn't come to our parents. J was pleasant, A said nothing but watched me the whole time, and I made excuses to leave this Christmas party as I didnt even know they knew the person throwing the party.

I came home early from work this past week and J was visiting L (something J claims he can't do during weekdays cause he works 9-5 during the week...allegedly). J gave me a hug and we all chatted for about an hour, it felt like old times, but then his wife called. It was a smooth conversation then I got brought up, and suddenly A needed J back home immediately. He bailed on dinner plans he and L had (L had spent all day cooking a roast, it was delicious btw and yes L was upset J didn't stay).

I had enough. I called J during his "work hours" on his cell. J answered and I chewed him out. I said our brother was hurt and whatever the issue with me is HAS to stop. If he doesn't tell me whats wrong, I CANT fix it. J told me there was nothing wrong with me and I was reading too into it. I pointed out some of the same instances I listed and he told me I was reading into it. He then accidentally let slip that A didn't want us talking. Which I figured. I blew up and told him A was using him. A was turning him against me and our parents *i am too lazy to go back but he stopped talking to our parents the same time he stopped talking to me but he always talked to L*. I mentioned how she is an adult and if she has an issue with me she needs to tell me, but instead she's a fucking coward. J yelled at me that she has anxiety and I yelled back "bitch I do too! I'm on fucking meds for it" which i know she isnt. J hung up on me.

Not only is everything above an issue, A also: doesn't have a job and only J has the income. Claims its because of her illness, the one that causes dietary restrictions, yet EATS said things even though she knows makes her sick. She won't let J meet up with our childhood friends. A also has stsrted getting J to take edibles with her. If J is tested, it will get him fired from his job. But then she complains he's being a loser if he doesn't do edibles with her.

The kicker is this: A solely used to date women. J is NOT a woman, nor does he want to identify as one. J knows A used to date women, and again tells me I should be more considerate seeing as how I am openly bisexual. However, and I havent told J this, one of the conversations I did have with A after they got married, she told me TO MY FACE "yeah, I never imagined marrying a guy yet here I am." Laughed and I kind of was like oh haha, isnt it crazy how things work out, to which she said "I dont even like men!" Slapped my thigh laughing and continued laughing. I was bewildered and when J had returned and asked what we were talking about we both changed the subject.

I did tell L when that happened and he thought it was weird but we couldn't change anything as they were married. I dont know if I should tell J.

But really I do feel as though A is using J, but now im wondering if I should lay it out more clearly WHY. Or if I should stay out of it. They already seem to hate me, so part of me is like why not go for it. But L is talking me off that bridge (my therapist is also testing me for something that isnt solely anxiety and depression) . I know J is hurt as he told L such, and part of me feels bad I yelled, but also the rest of me wants to key his fucking car and tell him to shove it up his ass and ban him from seeing L at my house as it is MY house even though L is living there

AITA?

TLDR: I yelled at my brother his wife is using him as she doesn't have a job, always falls back on her mental and physical illness yet does things to make them worse, and has also told me she doesn't like men (she used to exclusively date women prior to my brother).

What are these acronyms?

[crunkatrice]

I was fortunate enough to be dragged here by my clown obsessed friend last week. It’s surprisingly not a bad place to stay and honestly had more accommodations than the vegas hotel we stayed in the other half of the week.

The kooky folks who run it are very friendly and happy to see you and have a chat with you about your journey and the goings on of the town and motel.

It’s very quite there, and sleeping there definitely reminded me of the odd comforts of sleeping over at your grandparents place when you were a kid.

If you’re not too bothered by the, often times, intentionally creepy, clown paintings they hang up in the rooms it’s an overall pleasant experience, and it’s an interesting experience to walk the graveyard and pay respects to the very old graves there (optional, but might be why we didn’t experience any supernatural disturbances during our stay).

Theres a nearby place where you can get some really damn good pizza just down the road, or have it delivered to your room while you stay there and some good places where you can pick up any essentials you may have forgotten on your journey there.

inside the check-in there is a small shop, and a big section of the building occupied by an ever growing clown shrine full of clown dolls and clown paraphernalia, and they always welcome more clown-themed donations to add to the display. At the front and center of it all sits their biggest clown doll. Yes, it’s haunted, and they’ve caught actual footage of it moving its hands by itself.

If you like clowns and old mining town history this place is worth the visit. It’ll take you out of your comfort zone in a fun way, but also set you up with a very comfortable bed as it does so.

Edit: regarding the first post; I should add that they have actually shot horror movies here, and we were told, have a few more lined up to be shot there soon. Their wiki should have the full list of films shot there but off the top of my head the most noteworthy one is Rob Zombie’s House of 1000 Corpses.

Alright was no one going to tell me that in the middle of the Nevada desert is an old cemetery that contains the bodies of a bunch of miners who died in a fire and next door is a haunted clown motel

Why are we still setting horror movies in generic Victorian houses in the woods when this is a real place in the world

[secretmiracledreamland]

Having some difficult emotions this morning. i don't really now where it came from but all of a sudden i'm just really sad. I feel so alone lately and idk how to mitigate that. I don't know how to make friends, and i... i don't really have family anymore. Obviously my mother is out of the picture and while that hurts I know its for the best. But the others... i don't remember the last time someone called to check on me. or even just chat, they don't have to be checking on me. but it's my responsibility to initiate the phone call every time. I've had this gripe for YEARS with both sides of my family. If I don't reach out, I will straight up never hear from them. Prime example, my aunt messaged me yesterday asking if i was okay (shocking, but this only happened because i haven't called them in a while). I answered her honestly. I told her i've been very depressed. i told her i've been sick for months. i told her work has me wanting to unalive myself.

she left me on read.

the last time my grandmother bothered to call me it was to tell me my cousin had lost her battle with cancer. she then proceeded to spend the rest of the phone call complaining about her life and bitching about my other cousin needing to stay with her. This was also very hard to hear because i used to overhear her having these exact same conversations when i lived with her. Z has had a hard life, dude. The last thing he needs is to hear his only family shittalking him to his random cousin that he hardly knows.

and my dad? he tried for a little bit. After i went no contact with my mother (she initiated this btw), he started texting me more than he has ever texted me (for context, i spoke to him only a handful of times when I lived in AZ ACROSS THE COUNTRY at 18. lived there for 5 years. never reached out to me first). but now? he's not bothering. I tried texting him the other day and got the bare minimum of responses.

I know he's going through a lot as well but i'm literally his child and he literally let me be abused by his wife for 18+ years. you'd think he's at least make some kind of effort.

Al's grandma (who just got her hip replaced) is driving down with his aunt 6+ hours to come see us. His dad and brother are coming as well. 4 of his family members are coming this weekend and this is the second trip this year that his dad has made. his 93 year old grandmother who is less than a year removed from a broken hip is about to sit in a car for 6 hours to come hang out with us for 2 days. Because they love him and that's what family does. we've gone up north so many times over the past 4 years we've been down here and not a single one of my family members (aside from my brother) has shown any interest in coming to visit. I bring it up and I get "maybe one day." would also like to add that my brother only came because i called him and told him i was buying him a train ticket. so even then, would not have happened at all if i didn't do it.

meanwhile, Al told his family we can't afford to travel up north for the holidays this year and they simply said "Okay, we'll come to you".

it just really hurts, you know? I feel so lucky that his family is active in our lives because mine just... isn't. none of them are. i was raised my whole life that family is everything and you have nothing if you don't have family and you have to be there for your family and help them when you can.... blah blah fucking blah. but then y'all turn around and turn your backs to family once they no longer are there to serve you.

you want to know why i'm my grandmother and aunt's favorite? because of all of the effort i have put into that relationship for my whole gods damned life. even back when i was a literal CHIILD. i would call my grandmother weekly. I would call her house when i knew her and grandpa were on the way home from vermont so i could leave her a voicemail telling her i love her and couldnt wait to talk to her. then i'd call again when she was home so we could talk.

honestly, in hindsight... i don't think they ever really cared all that much. obviously they cared, but not in the ways that matter. they cared in that i'm their child/grandchild/niece, but that's fucking it.

i fell and wrecked my knee one week before we were due to move to our current place. i had to pack the entirety of our area (Minus the kitchen because i couldn't get upstairs) while on crutches and actively in pain. i had to move into this basement apartment ON CRUTCHES. i had to manage to take care of myself BY MYSELF while Al was at work, in this new apartment. on crutches. i had to unpack this entire apartment bY MYSELF ON CRUTCHES IN PAIN. so fucking alone. no one ever offered to come help.

but my aunt needs a tiny robot surgery (cant think of the name) on her knee, is able to walk out, lives in a one story home with her mother who has cared for her her entire life, and i'm expected to drop it all and go 7+ hours up north to take care of her. I tell her i'm out of PTO - "you have weekends off, don't you?"

shows me just how much you care.

fuck all of them.