#but here’s our girl anyway
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💭 THOUGHT BALLOON — what is your oc's MBTI, enneagram, and/or other personality aspects (if known/interested in)? for any!
more hara bc im thinking abt her
i think shes an enfj? but idk, i just grabbed a random test i found after looking up ‘mbti test’ and rolled with it
shes generally relatively quiet, but she speaks up when needed (e.g. after gala’s sealing; she was Not Quiet about her spouse being effectively fucking murdered)
also she is a very loving and gentle person. shes not super big on violence — like, she only engages in violence when she needs to, like during missions n stuff — and prefers being a kind sweetheart (we love her for that)
and she is a VERY creative person!! in the last ask i said she helped build the clockwork stars, and yeah, the idea was mostly hers! she drew the blueprints for them and helped in enchanting galactic nova and star dream, and also did some of the more mechanical stuff, even though magic is certainly more her strongsuit. she also writes poetry sometimes, and writes her own songs — for example, she wrote and composed a lullaby for her and gala’s baby when they were born, and she made a bunch of poems for gala on holidays.
#kirby series#kirby au#au#my au#kirby: soul journey#kirby oc#oc#my oc#oc: hara#oc x canon#ask#asks#ask game#oc ask game#text#buggie’s answers#buggie’s characters#buggie’s rambles#i know absolute jack SHIT about mbti personality stuff#but here’s our girl anyway
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#evidence of life#:3<3#໒꒰ྀི⸝⸝/ \⸝꒱ྀིა …nun era over………….hi guys i fell in love yes me i know right yes this oleta : )#probably will [ACTUALLY] be active yk i had to secure the bag and try to make sure the family will love me despite : D#anyways have a good summer yall !#wowwwwwwwww people who have been here since day one know how touch repulsed i was and how i took years to even be okay with kissing irl lol#deadass thought i’d just be kissing girls this summer but right now i’m in bed with a man and our biological son 🐈⬛ <3#life comes at you fast#100#btw this is my edit like the original didn’t look like this this is the doomer gf version#1k#edit: omggg if you don’t know me the ‘just kissing girls’ might read wrong im just primarily attracted to women and i assumed my big step#into intimacy would be kissing [girls] aka not literally falling in love with some guy who is currently wrapped around me and snoring <33
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Happy new years… let’s stay hydrated together ✨
#I didn’t end up going to the rave just stayed in with my buddies and had KFC (( Korean fried chicken )) and laughed til we cried so#it was still a wonderful start to the new year 💞🥰💞#but the fwb wanted pics of my potential rave look so I figured eh I brought the stuff anyways#and now I’m imagining locking eyes with a stranger on the warm and writhing dance floor#the beat thumps and shakes and rattles the air in our breath as the spotlights dance in the reflections of our held gaze#he pushes his way through the crowd with a singular stare and a wicked smile on his face#I smile and turn my back on him arching myself so he knows I am giving what he’s looking for#I take careful steps through the revelry toward the edge where the crowd thins out#I prop myself up on an available stool in a lonely corner of the club as he closes the distance between us#“now I wonder why you dragged me all the way here” he utters in a playful growl “trying to get far away from the crowd?”#I smile and I nod. “obviously. can’t really do what I want with you out there”#his eyes perk up and his smile gives away the desire building inside him. “yeah? why don’t you show me then.”#“I thought you’d never ask” I smirk. I reach down into my pants and pull out my phone#“so this one is blue. he’s the oldest but he’s sooooo sweet. and that’s Eva. my only girl she’s sassy but she loves swea-” he leaves#whaddahell I say demurely whimpering even… whaddahell…#gpoy
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"Do you not see, Eleven?"
El & 001 + Mike Wheeler & Martin Brenner Parallels see also: Vecna' using El's trauma to manipulate(!) her ⤷ inspired by @heroesbyler & my own commentary (x)
#psa: pls read all og tags before you come for me I beg you#anti mileven#mike wheeler#el hopper#martin brenner#henry creel#vecna#st gifs#my gifs#userrobs#useraimz#tuserrae#tuserashes#stranger things#design forward#okay. okay y'all let me just disclaim before the world sees:#this is so toxic but! the manipulation present here is literally just what's in the show. I did nothing to expand it beyond itself!#el has been internally comparing Mike & Brenner all of season 4 + the show has been doing it since DAY ONE. Vecna just manipulates it.#to destroy El's sense of self-worth and drag her away from feeling like people care about her...which works. plainly lmao#does mike have a LOT of issues w/ relating to El because he's (over)protective AND gay + trying to (aware or not) self-protect? ABSOLUTELY.#but he has done nothing on the level of brenner. neither has 'you are like papa' hopper. our girl is just traumatized + feeling abandoned#and it's VERY easy to manipulate...to Vecna's advantage. It is what it is.#anyway! Stav I hope you like it. it took forever but hopefully it was worth the wait? I ran all across this show to make this lol
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If it takes away all our magic, anything gifted to us from something greater...
#imogen's doing FINE#clearly#nothing to worry about here#anyway i saw a bunch of people talking about imogen in this moment#and i just couldn't resist hurting my own feelings by watching it on repeat in gif form#so hERE WE ARE#sorry not sorry#both our girls are so doomed by the narrative#and it's STRESSING ME OUT#imodna#imogen temult#laudna#critical role#cr3#bells hells#critical role spoilers
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yuusha didn’t have anything else to wear so💥
#girl stop looking at me like that#the way i draw yuusha’s braid so inconsistently#anyways uhhhhh#unintentional sequel to my jamil art this morning???#or honestly this can be considered a totally separate incident#make up your own conclusions i guess because i dont know myself 😔#i just wanted to draw her in jamil’s sweater 😔💪#[—✦-#-✧ my art#twst art#twisted wonderland#twst#twst yuu#twst yuusona#(💜) yuusha#-✦—]#also-#it’s daylight savings here#which means our clock went back one hour#im eepy but cant eep#but also it may be because i steeped my tea for longer than i shouldve#my heart is. palpitating#(and the coffee this morning prob also contributed uhhhhh)#this is all jade’s fault#i’m FINE yall can ignore this fjdndjsj#lil lore update by me
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Part of 🟢 Leo gets Overwhelmed au🟢
Another year, another Leosagi Valentine Comic, I should make it a yearly tradition 💙💙
Thank you for the ask anon. My first thought was; ‘they’d probably think anything’s perfect as long as they get to spend time together again’, but then I realised; ‘yeah, Leo’s so gonna overthink and overplan their dates though ’, followed by; ‘Usagi’s life is filled with travelling by foot, (often in awful weather) and exhausting in so many ways, he’d probably love to just stay inside and rest with his boyfriend.’
Those are the same guys as in my previous 03 comics, just in their mid 20s and navigating the ups and downs of long distance relationship.
Last years leochi comic ⭐️
#leosagi#katana shipping#03 leosagi#leomiya#03 leonardo#03 usagi#leo gets overwhelmed au#tmnt 2k3#I was thinking about all the days my partner and I were so tired we cancelled our plans#and just snuggled on our couch with lots of blankets and hot wine with orange slices#snuggling with our bunny girl#I love going out#but that is as close to heaven as we get here imo#anyway I was having fun with The colours#and bg#trying new things#one of my goals for art this year is to get better with colours#and I’m slowly getting there I think#the other one is to practice anatomy more#and you know#full body poses#cause I really need to improve those
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[ X ] DON'T RUN AWAY THIS TIME OUR DATING SIM (2023) for @soulmatelines [ happy birthday jo 💗 ]
#our dating sim#우리 연애 시뮬레이션#asianlgbtqdramas#lee seung gyu#lee jong hyuk#dawn.gif#*ff#idk how to tag sets anymore girl help#ANYWAYS ITS MY JESTIE'S BIRTHDAY EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP ITS JO'S DAY#HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY JOOOOO#i love u SO so much thank u for being by my side all this time and i hope u enjoy ur 21st birthday a whoooole lot#here's just a little smth bc i miss them and love them and love YOUUU!!!!#hope u like it 🫶#happy bdayyyyy <3333
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Do you think I should buy a birthday cake? But I've been stood up three times. [...] Although I don't know what happened between you and your friend, it's always happier to spend your birthday with someone you like.
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 04
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userrain#userspring#uservid#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#*pats the top of ai di's head* this guy can fit so much baggage in him 🥰#he's also so completely unaffected he's just like ok so here a quick rundown of my life#and how i celebrate not being dead with my best friend#who im also in love with but he likes someone else and forgot our birthday deal the last three years it sucks#bai zongyi and the girl at the counter: sir this is a bakery#ai di beloved your experiences are not universal#i honestly love how he just kinda forgets other people his age aren't like him and how very unapologetic he is abt that#anyway sad birthday post#dog tags in his hand. </3
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chaos girl
#my art#i've been working on this on-and-off since like... may#lmao#but anyways here she is#our favorite chaos girl#eda clawthorne#eda the owl lady#toh eda#edalyn clawthorne#the owl house fanart
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obsessed with Shepard dying and being reconstructed by Cerberus. waking in a body you don't recognize, free of scars, a clean slate, unlived in. minor tweaks here and there, "upgrades" unasked for, cybernetic or bioengineered. 20/10 vision, too crisp and clear. a more efficient liver. old L3 biotic implant replaced with cutting-edge technology. forcibly assigned übermensch. have you been cloned, or merely Ship of Theseus'd? if they cloned you once, would they do it again? could you be activated as a sleeper agent? would you have any way of knowing? they say that paranoia is a sign of reaper Indoctrination. is it really paranoia if you have good cause?
#obsessed with how a shepard clone is laughed off for jokes in that dlc#haha oh well we obviously know our shepard is the REAL shepard. GIRL IS IT THAT OBVIOUS THO#anyway ''cerberus upgraded shepard's liver'' started as my jokey headcanon to explain the ''knocking back krogan liquor and surviving'' gag#but when you think about it...#roxene shepard#waking up on that table is really the beginning of the end for her. it's all downhill from here#(I think the liver thing is just my hc anyway I don't recall if it was hinted at in canon.)#(iirc canon miri had line about how they didn't change anything so dw? but imo she would and she'd consider it a favor)#(and anyway it's CERBERUS)#spectreposting
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this is gonna be jumbled no doubt but i’m thinking about my p3 twins/kotone lives au where it’s like…
okay, so makoto becomes the great seal and kotone gets to live. incredibly tragic, but things are ok… ish. enough. kotone’s surviving in the aftermath. then comes the answer, and aw shit, here we go again. when aigis summons makoto’s orpheus, it’s the first time kotone cries about losing her brother since march 5. and this snaps something in her and she becomes sort of very not well, so mitsuru has to intervene and unseat her as leader of sees, instituting aigis in her place. and that’s fine! it’s whatever, it’s fine.
so they’re going about this bullshit again and kotone’s so obviously unwell that really only yukari can bridge that gap to her, and sees well. they sure get through it. until they learn about the keys and the ability to go back and kotone and yukari team up on team “go back to the past.” we all know why yukari’s doing it—to see makoto again and save him—but kotone’s doing it so she can join makoto as part of the great seal like she was always meant to. and she does not tell yukari this!! not until they’re fighting aigis and metis in the coliseum and yukari realizes oh, what? you want to go back so you can basically kill yourself? were we not good enough for you? was i not good enough for you? and kotone’s like that is NOT it you wouldn’t understand
in the end, when kotone realizes she’s being an idiot and makoto gave his life because he wanted her to live and continue to forge bonds like the ones she’s created in the past year, she sobs, again, apologizing profusely, no wonder mitsuru unseated her as leader of sees, she’s fucked up so badly. sees has to tell her that it’s okay, really, they understand, and so kotone keeps going and lives another day, just like makoto wanted her to
#LIKE TO ME IT IS EXTREMELY COMPLICATED. AND I MAY NOT HAVE EXPLAINED IT WELL HERE. BUT#WELL SIMPLY I THINK KOTONE IN THE ANSWER AS A PARALLEL TO YUKARI’S DESIRE TO RETURN TO THE PAST….#‘if i could go back i’d save his life’ vs ‘if i could go back i’d sacrifice mine alongside him’#what if we were really bad at handling grief AND we took it out on our closest friends… and we were both girls?#i have thoughts abt aigis in this too in the like… wishing she could help them move on more than she /can/#the destructive nature of grief and how human it is and how aigis is powerless to make it go away for them#ohhhhhhh yukahamugis you are so the world to me. anyway#kotone shiomi#yukaham#persona 3#p3#p3 spoilers#jupiter text
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"not all men" but not in a men's rights way, in a "it's important to remember that men aren't the only perpetrators of cruelty, abuse, and evil and that subconsciously or consciously training yourself to view men as inherently evil and everyone else as inherently safe inadvertently puts you in a position where you're both vulnerable to attack or harm from people you otherwise wouldn't suspect, AND causes you to limit the number of allies you might have in a time of need" kind of way.
#This is why I worry a lot about young women (teens and twenties) who seek comfort and validation in r//adf//em circles. Many of them have#been hurt through rape or abuse—commonly at the hands of fathers/brothers/uncles or otherwise trusted adults—and have decided that men must#be cruel because both they and their female/female + queer friends have similar stories of abuse. So they seek out others who share this#belief but in doing so they make themselves vulnerable to further abuse and manipulation. I haven't really observed r//adf//em circles long#enough to be able to say what I'm about to say with certainty but I would put money on the idea that being a RF on social media shares the#same hallmarks as being in a cult because the behavior of the adherents is far too similar than that of tradwives or any other modern cult.#Other RF's use the hurt and abuse these young women have experienced and twist and manipulate their truth to foster a sense of#us-against-them cruelty against a population that could in actuality be their fiercest allies. It's such a vicious and relentless cycle.#That's why when I see RF's on here all I feel is pity — both for the cruelty and abuse they've witnessed and suffered but ALSO for the way#they've allowed that abuse to be weaponized against them... many before they were too young to realize it was even happening. We as a#society have got to get better at protecting our young girls and women from r//adf//em ideology. I don't even mean that in a#“destroy the patriarchy” kind of way because that's such a lofty and disorganized goal. I mean it in a “we have to go into uncomfortable#spaces and show these girls love and empathy because right now the only people validating them are people who use their hate and mistrust#against them and if we want to save our young girls and Queer sisters from this pipeline we have to do the dirty work“ kind of way.#But anyway.#jack.txt
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More notes for Roach conlanging. Roach has grammatical gender, in which only Male, Female, and Object are grammatical genders, whereas Worker uses feminine grammar, Queen and King use a slight variant on feminine grammar, and Drone, and Queen-Alate use masculine grammar. This is because King is derived from Queen, due to their similar positions in a colony, and Queen-Alate is derived from Drone, as both are forms of alate.
Queen is an alteration of feminine grammar that functionally just adds a handful of extra syllables to it, and King is an offsprout of Queen that uses the same grammar with different pronouns. Queen-Alate, despite the name, is derived from Drone, as they are both for referring to different types of alate ant.
Most Roach dialects are intelligible to speakers of Snakemouth Den Cordyceps Roach, but Snakemouth Den Cordyceps Roach is not entirely intelligable to speakers of Roach dialects due to a mix of the excessively specialized vocabulary caused by the specific needs of its speakers, the fact that its speakers do not necessarily have Roach mouthparts and thus may not pronounce syllables in a similar way, and due to the fact that Inanimate Object is a full grammatical gender that does not exist in any other dialect of roach and replaces a decent chunk of terminology for things that previously had Other Words For Them.
#we speak#conlang#bug fables#please excuse us if we're mangling the terminology here btw. we cannot for the life of us remember the proper terms for half of this#and every time we try to google things it winds up turning up nothing#probably because we're googling shit like “the term for the thing where self reference is different if youre a guy or a girl”#and like. “part of speech that you use to refer to other people that isnt pronouns or a name that has title associations”#if we reread some textbooks we will probably remember but unfortunately these are not our textbook reference posts#they are our “what if we told you about the cool ways that we did grammar in here” post#god we love grammatical grammar (<guy who doesn't have a strong enough sense of gender to remember der and die properly)#(because we are the specific type of speaker where we're half operating based on what Feels Right with the word and we are)#(so fucking bad at remembering how gendering words is meant to go)#(the secret reason we hate phonetics is because we have to contend with both figuring out how mouthparts would work and like)#(Working Out A Reasonable Collection Of Sounds To Have In Our Language. which means we have to actually like. name things)#(cruel and unusual that we have to make actual words rather than loosely tossing building blocks on the floor. honestly.)#anyways snakemouth den roach is one of those dialects where it's on the verge of becoming a language on its own#where it's very debatable on if it's Actually A New Language or just a very specific dialect of an old one because. well. boxes#picture it as like. trying to speak to someone who you Think is speaking french but they have an extremely thick regional accent#and they keep using like ten-syllable words that you probably don't know but that seem to refer to things that could be referred to#way more concisely?#and also rather than just le and la they have added an entire new lu to the mix and you are unclear if its the accent or a new word entirel#(note: we are not a specialist on french as we primarily know it in the “we've been around it long enough to vaguely know what's being said#way and are not currently caught up enough on whatever they have going on to know about any major grammar stuff going on over there)#(but we are terrible enough with remembering the grammar of the german that we do speak that we do not trust ourself to not be Worse there)
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#absol#they look happier than umbreon which is strange to me. umbreon being all sad and angry while absol#known widely as The Edgy pokémon‚ is like. smiling a little bit. they're vibing they're totally fine#they're glad they got to be in rescue team#you go girl. go off‚ absol. even in rescue team they didn't feel like they had a Super cohesive tie to the story besides Being There and#helping and whatever but maybe that's just rescue team being my least favorite pmd game. but maybe that's part of *why*#if i'm right. i might not be right. maybe i just didn't pay enough fuckin attention in rescue team. there's *two of them*. someone out there#must like them enough for there to be a remake. and i know the general pmd community considers rescue team better than the 3ds games bc they#'re all nostalgia-driven like all pokémon fans and think that the older games are OBVIOUSly better even though the 3ds titles are#total masterpieces just like the rest of pmd. i'm not gonna complain abt this here bc i think the general pmd fanbase on tumblr are like#generally pretty nice and appreciate the 3ds games. y'all are nice here. elsewhere it gets scary. luckily everywhere else is crashing and#burning before our eyes. score. although apparently tumblr is also trying to given the whole “collapse reblogs” thing they're doing??#big yikes. hope that doesn't happen. anyway
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fuck it, gonna do it myself since the showrunners refuse to
Colin Bridgerton Background and Headcanons
+Colin was a chubby child, but became super lanky around his pre-teens, just before he went to Eton
+He would play piano with Francesca for Mum. He always wanted to play and sing for Papa, too, but Edmund was usually with Anthony and Benedict. Still, he and Fran would sit on the shorter velvet cushion so they could reach the pedals, and they would take turns singing silly made up songs, or church hymns
+Because of his age, he was always excluded from the 'Boys' club of the family. At ten years younger than his older brothers, and not an Heir OR the Spare, this is when he started getting particularly close with his sisters, El, Daph, and Fran. He and Daphne were almost inseparable growing up.
+Colin got SEVERAL makeovers from his sisters. They always said he was just as pretty as they were, and powdered him with too much blush, bribing him with extra snacks if he wore one of their dresses. He did, of course. Those Tea Parties were fancy affairs, after all. Once, Eloise tried to braid his hair for it, too, but it was just too short
+Of all his siblings, Colin is the only one Papa ever punished physically. After Colin hit Eloise and Papa saw, he horsewhipped him in the stable. Colin is a boy, soon to be a man, Papa said, he should never lay a hand on a lady, *any* lady. Colin wonders why he cannot hit a lady, but anyone can hit him. It's the start of his hero complex and his martyr streak, too. He does not matter in the scenario, others do. He can get hurt, but others cannot.
+It's not three months after Edmund dies that Colin is sent to Eton. He's the only boy in their entire family to ever go there, and the prestige of Oxford was just unnecessarily for a third son. The funds were already put aside, Colin's traveling trunk packed, and the first year paid out. He had no choice. As a lanky, scrawny, barely 5 feet tall 12 year old boy, Colin leaves everything he has ever known behind to mourn in private, on his own, far from anything familiar
+Eton has. . .to say problems would be an understatement. Colin is under the tutelage of the harshest superintendent of the century for only one year toward the end, but it is far more than enough. The treatment is horrible. (look it up, this is historically accurate!). 'Flogging Fridays' were so harrowing, the uprisings by the students ended in stalemates and fury. In that last year, Colin had long hit his growth spurt, and resented a bully deep, *deep* in his bones. In his last year at Eton, Colin broke so many windows in the uprising that for days after, he was picking glass shards out from his clothes
+His first year at Eton was hard. Colin was small and alone and had no one in his corner. He made friends with some others, but for the most part, he was an easy target for the older boys to pick on. His name couldn't shield him from that. Being so small, even when he tried to fight back, he wasn't very successful, and most times, they would report him for violence anyway, so his choices were two fold- sit down and take it, or square up
+Colin learns to box at Eton. It isn't encouraged, surely, but one of his classmates noticed how Colin was very much not having a good time and put two and two together. He was older, a bit fatherly, almost, even though he wasn't even 18, yet. It was his last year so he was less concerned with doing things as the world expected it. Colin followed him around like a little duckling. Everywhere James went, Colin went. They sat with each other to eat dinner, then would sneak off to spar and train. He was Colin's first crush. He never told anyone, but he *is* grateful
+When Colin comes home for the first time, he *knows* everything is different. There's already a rift forming. Colin becomes a haunt in the hallway, only there in the summers and for holiday breaks. Colin becomes a ghost, half seen, wandering Aubrey Hall. Mama is over the moon, of course, as over the moon she can be still deep in grief, as is Daphne, but Fran is quieter, now, and Eloise turns away from him, frustrated at his freedoms when she gets none. Anthony has no time for him, save to ask if his studies are well, and Benedict is busy taking care of the babs
+Colin's favorite place to be when he was home was with Hyacinth. He'd sneak into the nursery and gently hold her. Though there were nurses, Colin was there so often, they swore she never cried. The truth was, Hy cried often, but Colin would notice the signs and comfort her. It made him feel better, to know there was something in this world that might need him. No one else needed him. Not Mama, not his sisters, certainly not his brothers. So, he rocks the baby sister he barely knows, and he sings her lullabies, and he cries with her, sometimes, and he's just a little less alone
+He's 14 by the time he finally starts gaining height. A late bloomer, a professor or two teases. They thought it would never come, really. He'd been a been pole for as long as anyone could remember, ever since he turned 6, but all of a sudden, he looked almost skeletal. Shooting up near an entire foot was awful. For a lot of people in his life, this was the first they'd seen him be openly miserable and snappish. Sore and frustrated, Colin had the shortest fuse he'd ever had. Oh, he had a temper. Always did. But he typically knew how to reign it in. During his growing pains, it was impossible. This is the manifest of him not sharing his food- he was constantly ravenous, and lord help anyone trying to get between him and his plate
+Colin first meets Penelope when he's 16, filled out and coming into his own, an insta-crush for Penelope, but for Colin? First thing he thought after her bonnet knocked him off his horse is that she looked like a peach. All round and pink and in her yellow dress. Colin likes peaches. So Colin likes her. It was simple as that for him
+He never got into Eloise's rivalry about Penelope. Honestly, he didn't think about her very often. Penelope seemed sweet, but she was near silent. Eloise would tell him that she wasn't that way with her, as though bragging, and Colin just shrugged. He didn't have any real interest or investment in their friendship, but he did try to be polite. The one time, Penelope stood in front of him and tried to say something for an entire minute, only to squeak and thrust out a book at him, turning tail and making off. He found it surprisingly funny. She opened up to him slowly, got more comfortable in increments, but he thinks back to that moment and remembers that she's come a long way. Would be nice to see where they end up (forshadowinggggg)
+Colin doesn't like to drink. Never carried a torch for the taste, really, but other men did it, and only in drinking did they seem to have any semblance of closeness. Colin tries it for himself. It never really works out
+Charm becomes a second skin to hide himself in. Deflecting questions to other people, remembering details about them and bringing them up, asking questions and using humor. Funny how humor lands so much easier, now. At Eton, he had no protection. (No wonder he despises a bully) But now, he was grown. Now, he was a 'man'. A conventionally attractive man (he can't really deny it). He's tall and he's finally started filling out broad and big, and he uses it to his advantage. When he talks, in his mind, somewhere, he's still that 5 foot tall boy, crying in the carriage to an unfamiliar place or grinning and bearing it his first year at school. But this time, he has a cloak to wrap around himself. This time, yes, he's softhearted and tender, but he is also beautiful and knows how to focus on someone else, and he uses it to his advantage.
+Colin understands this privilege, because for a time, he knew what it was like without it. Colin sees what happens to those who do not have it, also. For Colin, charm is the sprinkle of honey over his bitter fears and concerns. For Colin, charm is the fun party hat everyone gets to see- not that he's sad, not that he's conflicted, not that he's unsure. He's pretty. That's enough for them
+But it isn't enough for HIM. Colin grapples with his purpose because the idea that he should be content to be attractive and well off and nothing else sits unpleasantly with him. Colin wants to be a self-made man, but he is denied the opportunity. So he tries to navigate the world as it is around him, having been pre-molded and determined to a certain outcome.
+So, Colin's arc is about becoming a Man, but he is not a conventional one, so he works from example. What do Men do? Colin certainly didn't have his father to inform him, so he relies on the other men around him. Well. . .Men visit brothels and have mistresses and drink whiskey and go to clubs, but Colin doesn't want to go to a brothel, and he doesn't desire a mistress, and whiskey burns when it goes down, acrid as the smoke thick and smoggy in the clubs. So. . .what else? Well, Men get married. Men take care of a family. Men are educated.
he can do THAT
+Colin attempts to marry in Season 1 not because he is fully infatuated (he likes Marina, sure, but his eagerness is not just rooted in such) but because he is attempting to find purpose. To find meaning. To be a Man, a GOOD man. And Good Men are married, so Colin will be married. Good Men take care of their family, so Colin takes care of his family, so Colin offers to BE her family. But because these are rooted in aimless endeavors (Colin wants to be A man, but not THE man he envisions for himself), they fall apart. Now, Penelope certainly has a hand in it falling to pieces, but Colin didn't really have the right motivations to start off with, so in season 2. . .
+He's depressed. It's odd to me that others would describe season 2 as an arc in which Colin is successful. The entire time, he is in a deep depression. Colin partakes in drugs, specifically to not think about the world, or to find peace and comfort. Colin claims that no one wants to hear his stories, even if he thinks he did everything right by traveling. (Remarkable. . .yes, in the sense that I have many remarks of it). Colin drinks even though he clearly hates it, gets migraines, hangovers, grimaces at the taste, because he is looking for ESCAPE
+But Colin cannot escape. Even on a different continent, even having run, there is no where to go. His escape is not from the ton, and not even necessarily from reality, but from his own insecurities. From what he feels are his inadequacies. Good Men are married, but in Colin's mind, he abandoned Marina. Good Men take care of their family, and Colin left his. Good Men are educated, and Colin is tripping on shrooms in the middle of Cyprus, looking at the stars, wondering what he's meant to do with himself. Colin's desires to escape are deeply rooted, but Colin doesn't want to escape a PLACE. He's done that for a long time. No, Colin wants to escape a PERSON. Himself. The himself he knows himself as
+So, instead, it's easier to be someone else. Himself is messy and sensitive and needs to rehearse what he says. Himself doesn't ever say the right thing (doesn't know how) and is boring to everyone else, besides. Himself is too painful, so it's easier to be Charming Colin. Helpful Colin. Colin taking down a scheme. Colin providing for others. Because he does not matter in it. They do.
+But he DOES. Season 3 sees Colin masquerading. Successfully, of course, but nonetheless. He's half settled into himself and half settled into the persona. When Penelope gives him the cold shoulder with no explanation? Persona. When Eloise avoids him? Persona. When Fran is getting trussed up like a calf for auction on the marriage mart? Persona. Colin spends so much of his life trying to be someone else
+And then he finds out Penelope is Whistledown, and the betrayal of it rips all his talent from him. He can no longer be Happy Colin, Smiling Colin, Here, I'll Help Colin- no, now he is just angry. Sad. Upset. Hurt. Conflicted. He can only be COLIN, and he does not want her to see. Does not want her to reveal it to everyone else, that the man they saw was a sham, that deep down, he is still that boy, that boy Marina said he was, that boy chasing dreams and fantasies, that boy curled up in the cupboard, sobbing about losing his dad, that empty, hollow boy, able to offer up nothing but charm
+But they will see. She will see. And he will see, too. Just who Colin really is. Just who he can be. And just how full and rich and wonderful the reality really is, mess and all
#colin bridgerton#polin#penelope featherington#bridgerton season 3#eloise bridgerton#daphne bridgerton#violet bridgerton#francesca bridgerton#if you want it done you gotta do it yourself i guess#[cue mom voice]#no one helps me in this house#anyway hi yes it's me your resident colin fan feral for more of his content#i would say the water's just fine but girl we are STRUGGLING out here#penelope is his mess but he's ours and i love all of it
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