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goldeneyedgirl · 3 months ago

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I feel the NEED to talk about how much Deaf Mary Alice means to me because this story doesn't get enough love??? I have so many questions and thoughts and headcanons (headcanon over the fic yes because I can't help myself) Like.......Jasper just created a language to communicate with her?? Try to tell me this isn't the epitome of romanticism. I would very much like to know how were the first days he spent with her in South, the ideia that he let her get so close to him makes me so 😭💝🥰😫 (also this is very funny in my mind. I supposed she didn't know how to read back then so the communication had to be a challenge, especially if the only thing Jasper was used to teach people was murder)

Anon, I am SO happy and excited that you love Deaf Mary-Alice; I have fun writing a version of Mary-Alice that isn't as depressed and miserable. This version of Mary-Alice definitely tries to outrun her trauma and unhappiness and focus on the good.

I've only got notes for their first meeting (Mary-Alice is very much the 'lost kitten' that kind of keeps going to find Jasper over and over again. And all the other soldiers are bewildered by her, because the Major is *terrifying* and they wouldn't even make eye contact with him if they had a choice) because I keep changing my mind. I can't decide if Jasper did try to discipline Mary-Alice like the other newborns, or if he's always a little bit gentle with her.

Anon, I will cheerfully answer any questions about this verse, and squeal over your headcanons. I am always over the moon when people enjoy my weird little Jalice takes.

I've got a little snippet of some of Alice's feelings below, I hope you enjoy it!

deaf mary-alice.

Sometimes, it’s hard. Especially with the Cullens. She’s never really been bothered by the silence, especially with Jasper. It’s never about living in a quiet world - she doesn't remember any different.

It’s always been about not being alone.

But when her words run out, when she doesn’t know how to say what she needs to, the quiet presses down on her. How does she explain everything she needs Jasper to know? That all of the years, all of the darkness and rage and violence that she lived through, are still there - she just chooses to let it go? That she really does understand that she’s the weak-link, the canary in the coal mine, the thing that never should have survived? Jasper left her behind because it was a miracle she had survived her newborn year, let alone the ones that followed - at least he knew that she was surviving in the South. He had no idea if she'd last a day up North.

(That for Maria’s rage and resentment of Jasper’s defection, Alice lived because of the lingering affection and appreciation Maria held for the Major. That if she’d been the companion of any of the other soldiers, she would have been destroyed out of spite. Or maybe cast out and left to die trying to go north. However it might have happened, she wouldn’t be here if Maria hadn’t been truly fond of Jasper in the end.)

Monterrey is a time capsule, and she feels adrift and unanchored, and she’s really not sure of what can fix her. Jasper's grasp upon her doesn’t feel like enough most of the time, like something terrible is going to pull her from his grasp and this possible life will be lost to her.

She’s terrified he’s going to be the one to let go. That for all that she loves him and that he cares for her, it’s not going to be enough. Jasper will heal and want someone he can speak to, who can talk back; a girl who can fucking say “I love you” out loud. Who doesn’t get frustrated and bewildered when their words run out, when she has to take an extra beat to lip-read and decipher which language is being spoken. A girl who doesn’t need a buffer against the world to survive.

That's Mary-Alice’s biggest fear. That in the real world, the Cullen world, she’s not going to be enough for Jasper. That proximity had turned him in her direction, and now she was just faulty stock. She sure as hell doesn’t fit in with the Cullens - she doesn’t know how to be so neat and clean and calm. She doesn’t have the faintest idea how to be more human than she is. She can't even speak their version of sign language right.

But those are her problems. The ones she doesn’t really like to think about unless Jasper’s at school because he always knows how she feels. It’s only when she’s alone that she lets it all out, that crushing terror that she’s never going to be quite good enough.

(Maria wasn’t surprised when she was found in the wreckage of one of her last battles, leg torn off at the hip. Alice had still killed her opponent. But she knows there was a second that Maria considered just leaving her on the field to perish when scouts found her. Maybe even just douse and burn her; Alice had seen Maria do that before. The terror and determination had sat entirely in her throat. Her visions told her this could go either way, and she got to live.)

And yet, she’s still… hopeful. She might be terrified that Jasper is going to be the one to let go, but she’s clinging tightly to him. The room next to his becomes hers, and Jasper is the one that helps her paint it. It takes a day, as she painstakingly hand-paints mock-wallpaper; Jasper daubs her nose with paint, and she retaliates with a swipe of paint across his face. He laughs and kisses her, tracing the words they have for love down her spine. Later, she finds a heart painted on the wall near the window sill with ‘M-A & J.W.’ written on it, and that warms her right down to her toes.

(When she insists on painting all her furniture by hand, Jasper is the one that takes each piece apart for her; he sits with her as she works, a book in one hand, and the other locked in idle conversation about everything and nothing. He admires her work when she’s done, and she feels bashful, not having the words to explain that she wouldn’t bother with any of this if it was just her. This was her trying to build a ‘them’, trying to turn her room into theirs. She can’t offer him much, especially when it comes to tangible things, but she can offer him this.)

Edward tries to speak with her sometimes. He struggles with reading her mind; she thinks in the signs she and Jasper made together, in Civil War-era Spanish read from lips. He struggles even more to speak with her - he speaks text-book perfect American Sign Language, and flawless Spanish, and she speaks neither. Alice is also not entirely literate in either language, so passing notes is out. It’s messy. But he tries, and she’s grateful for the effort, she just wishes Edward wouldn't weaponize her deafness when she’s upset him. She wishes he would translate so she could be friends with Bella, instead of keeping them apart to protect the human girl. She very much wishes he wouldn’t try and correct her so often.

And when he tries to talk about Jasper, about the toxic thoughts that trickle around in her mind, and his efforts come across stunted and insincere.

(It’s easier to believe Edward’s stilted reassurances that Jasper loves her when she realizes that Jasper walks into the house and beelines to her, insisting upon a kiss before anything else. She obliges, and his greetings are hurried and disjointed as he pulls her close. Sometimes those greetings end in shedding clothing, his hands grasping and stroking bare skin; counting scars, tracing the seams on her skin. Other times, he gathers her up and tells her about his day, asks about hers. He’s gotten back into his old habit of signing all his conversations, even if she’s not in the room; the same way he speaks as he talks to her, a rumbling vibration that is uniquely him.)

#my fic: deaf mary-alice #oh i'm sleepy so very few thoughts #i love the idea that jasper is always soft with her but he doesn't really know how to be kind and gentle so he's just really awkward

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catcherinwhitebread · 7 months ago

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complete track thoughts (while listening):

is this fr abt matty healy

yessss yessss YESSSS I LOCE THIS

liking more than i thought i would

alwyn when i catch you..

good intro

this second verse has gutted me

this is so real

jesus christ help me

OMG I LOVE THIS THE MOST

i hate the british

jaw dropped

IM HAVING HIS BABY NO IM NOT

YES GIRL

hits different living in a conservative town

LOVE STORY PLOT TWIST

so excited for this one

I DID MY TIME

who u running to

FRESH OUT THE SLAMMER OH

AMERICAN DREAM RAHHH

YES ALREADY LOVE

FLORIDA!!!

florenceeeeee

no one asks any questions here

YESYESYESYESBRIDGE

your home is only really a town your a guest in

this song is one hell of a drug

i have never enjoyed florida the way i enjoyed this song

beat yes

how can i be guilty as a sin

girllllllll GIRLLLLL

they’re gonna crucify me anyway

YES GIRL

IF U WANTED KE DEAD U SHOUDLVE JUST SAID

fav so far

YOU SHOULD BE

LETS HEAR ONE MORE JOKE BITCH

BEST SOMG EVER

we should just let her kill him

fuck this guy

fuck god too apparently

GOOD BOY THATS RIGHT

i can make bad guys good for the weekend (no really i can)

maybe i can’t

jesus christ kill me

GET LOVE QUICK SCHEME

OMG OMG OMG FUCKING CRYING

WHATTTTT

A COWARD CLAIMED HE WAS A LION

LOSS OF MY LIFE!?????????

YES U CAN

DANCING AND CRYING AND SMILING

IM SO DEPRESSED I ACT LIKE ITS MY BIRTHDAY

she’s so real

I CRY A LOT BUT I AM SO PRODUCTIVE

lowkey motivated rn

IM MISERABLE AND NO ONE EVEN KNOWS

already killing me

WERE YOU SENT BY SOMEONE WHO WANTWD KE DEAD

omg this bridge

YOU DESERVE PRISON

YOU ARE WHAT YOU DID

already a favorite

HEY YOU

WHO ARE WE TO FIGHT THE ALCHEMY

TOUCHDOWNNNN

hmmmmm football references

REMARKABLE

THIS TOWN IS FAKE BUT YOURE THE REAL THING

STEVIE NICKSS

i might die too

ITS HELL ON EARTH TO BE HEAVENLY

you look like taylor swift

#taylor swift #the tortured poets department

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abandonedcyberpunkspidermech · 1 year ago

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Having watched Across the Spider-Verse last Thursday, I have thoughts (SPOILERS ABOUND)

1. This looks amazing in every possible way. Although I sincerely hope this becomes a springboard for animation and VFX guilds to gain the powers the WGA has. Animators deserve so much more credit and respect, especially in Japan (where entry-level animators get $2 per drawing. Which takes over an hour). Also, I would not object to Beyond’s being delayed.

2. The soundtrack… doesn’t stand out as much as Into’s. I don’t know if it’s time, but there’s no “WHAT’S UP DANGER!” or Prowler’s Theme equivalent to me. Although I might need to take more time listening.

3. I have to say that… CANON THEORY IS COMPLETE BS. I get the meta-commentary and I’m all for it, but…

I feel like making it into a possible aspect of the multiverse is just… bad/weird world-building. From an in-universe perspective, the concept is so absurd that it’s surprising that Miguel’s Spider-Society lasted so long. Canon Theory could be debunked over the span of a conversation. I could write a dissertation (hyperbole) about everything wrong with it. If I get around to writing my own Spider-Verse story, I am not following this.

4. I stan Peni’s new more-comics-accurate mech design and the Gurren Lagann affectation she’s taken at the end. Although I wish she’d gotten a bit more time to explain how she jumped from this

to this so quickly

5. As for why Peni looked so miserable in the “intervention”: It’s probably due to her “Canon Events”, which I will explain in a different post. Her comics are fairly… grim. Also, I know it’s partially just having to tell Miles his father needs to die (incidentally, recreating HER tragic origin story), but you can tell it’s also the Spider life and “Canon”. Aside from the eye bags, you can tell a bit more from the eye shape, which used to be:

TVTropes.com can explain this better than I can, but these are called Tsurime (sharper, straight/slanted) and Tareme (softer, round/drooping), and they mean different things. As an example, here’s Homura Akemi from Puella Magi Madoka Magica before and after having to shoot Madoka (her friend/lover) to stop her from becoming a monster (long story).

Also, shoutouts to @enzo-is-tired and ononotsu on Twitter for furthering Gurren Lagann!Peni

#peni parker #sp//dr #spider man across the spider verse #marvel #atsv #spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderman into the spiderverse #spoilers

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flowerslut · 2 years ago

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hello :) so, in witd we see that jasper wanted to k-word himself, but he ended up changing his mind. he didn't give alice any details about it, but why exactly he decided not trying it anymore since he was so depressed and miserable? (not that wanted him to die, please i'm in love with that murder) and also, what edward could've said to him to make him go back home?

i hope i'm not being insensitive, it's a genuine thought i had. back when i was reading it, i was in a very shitty time of my life and having such a good story with such relatable characters was a scape from a lot of dark thoughts. i like to think that your story helped me through this

I absolutely adore you for sending this message but I need you to know that reading 'k-word' on tumblr makes me laugh so hard. baby you can say kill its okay. and I, too, love that murderer <3

the scene where they talk about this is in chapter seventeen (after all the subpar smut lmfao) and Jasper talks about it a little bit:

[spoilers for WitD and further suicide discussion under the cut! xox]

“How did he change your mind?” Alice was relieved her voice didn’t crack, because she felt dangerously close to crying. She knew she’d owed Esme for being the saving grace to Jasper originally, but now she owed Edward for rescuing him from death itself.

“He… didn’t. Not really. I was more embarrassed that I’d been found out. There was no big explosion or,” he made a face, “emotional conversation or anything of the sort. I don’t even know if he knew why he was stopping me. He just kept saying ‘don’t, don’t do it, stop’.” There was silence for a few seconds. “It was a quiet run home. Then he reported what happened back to Carlisle, and they had me watched very closely after that.”

that's really all there is to it if we're trying to keep things simple! there were no declarations that "no you belong with us!" or "I promise it gets better!" from edward because it's not in his or jasper's nature to have a conversation like that with the other one. when it comes down to it the only thing that kept jasper alive that night was a knee-jerk decision from edward, who had realized almost too late where jasper was heading and what that meant

edward could have just as easily decided against chasing jasper down to stop him. he could have veeeeery easily let jasper fly off to limerick and do what he set out to do (kill himself) but something in edward decided that night "no, thats not going to be what happens here" and he decided to step in. any number of motivations could have caused that decision, but what matters is that its the decision edward came to, and thank god, am I right?

in fiction—and in real life too!—there doesn't have to be a grand gesture or confession of love from person to person in order to change someones mind or force them to pause in a self-destructive act. sometimes its as simple as being like "don't do it" and the resulting embarrassment that results can make someone abandon an elaborate plan to kill themselves. distraction is a very powerful thing

as for my call of the night-verse jasper, I think the fact that it was edward that stepped in instead of one of the more sympathetic characters is what made all the difference in jasper's mind. rosalie I think, too, could've probably stopped him in this universe, but edward was the perfect one plot-wise because of what jasper says before the above quote:

"[...] Edward—Edward, who hadn’t let Jasper spend any time alone with Bella for years afterward, Edward, who was the one person to know how truly dangerous Jasper was, Edward, who knew every single one of the things Jasper had done because he could see it in his head—had been the one to reach out and stop him.

if the dude who has seen your most heinous crimes play out in your memories is telling you to stop while you're on a little suicide adventure, you're probably going to stop. even if its just to let yourself become confused and embarrassed enough that the distraction of his interruption ruins your plans in their tracks!

hope this cleared some things up!!! I never want to over-explain when I'm writing the actual story so if there's ever anything that you read in my fic that you personally want me to explain more, feel free to ask away!!!! <3

#cotn #witd

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please-picturemeintheweeds · 4 months ago

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How do you intepret Fresh Out The Slammer?

Obligatory disclaimer that I am not Taylor and can not possibly know what she was thinking when she wrote it! And also I will try to stick to the text and not stray into muse talk, because it’s Sensitive. TW: violence, abuse mentions. Also I’m not editing this like a full essay bc sleepy 🫶

First of all, this song is bleak. Maybe it’s just that my mind tends to go to the darker interpretations bc of my professional background and personal history, but I do think the lyrics here are explicitly Not Good. The imagery is uh, violent… I’ve already talked a lot about “now pretty baby I’m running back home to you. Fresh out the slammer I know who my first call will be to” as the sentences that send chills down the spine of whoever’s receiving the call, but I will reiterate how downright sleazy it feels!! Pretty baby also feels sort of demeaning.

Taking cover from rolling thunder paints the picture of someone cowering from a scary loud booming storm (yelling). Splintered is also an ouchie word, bitter is gross/unpleasant and winter (the endless February) is cold and miserable. Either in her dreams, they were together, or, he dreamed about being with someone else (maybe this is the thought crime she put him in jail for?)

Gray and blue - sickly, dead, bruised. Fights. Tunnels - underground, secret, dark, damp. Handcuffed to the spell I was under - she is unable to escape this situation because she is not thinking clearly, he is intoxicating, bewitching, confusing, and she feels trapped by the hope of seeing him briefly happy. It’s not always bad! This is the first clue that she is the one in the slammer - she’s in handcuffs. She’s toiled away for years in this prison, locked up and only able to dream about the outside world, staring at the ceiling. “In the shade of how he was feeling” is an absolutely brilliant line of poetry. She’s used the metaphors of painting a room neon or gray before to indicate mood, so maybe the prison walls are painted in the color of his mood. Or, maybe the colors on her face are based on how he’s feeling - could be the gray face from slowly dying, could be a metaphorical blue of depression. Or it could be literal blue bruising… pls don’t be mad at me for suggesting this!! She said it, not me, and the line is extremely ambiguous. It is not inherently offensive to consider equally this interpretation, in my opinion.

But none of it matters, it’ll be okay, she patiently waited out the entirety of her sentence, and things will get better now (not sure on this- is the 6 years the sentence and marriage at the end of it a reward for suffering? Or at the end of the sentence, she’s free and the she is the one running to a new partner? I think both). Or, if it’s the subject who was in the slammer for his crimes, whatever they might be, it could be a quote “it’s gunna be alright. I did my time, now pretty baby I’m running back home to you”. I can see it either way! I think the end of that verse really opens up the ambiguity, and the rest of the song lives in the in-between realm of both possibilities. I truly adore the ambiguity all over TTPD, and the way that she casts herself as the villain and the survivor, sometimes at the same time because that is life! We are all both at different times and sometimes simultaneously!

Camera flashes - paparazzi and fans is the easy interpretation here. It also makes me think of the moment when a criminal is released and if the case was in the news, there’s usually a group of reporters at the exit waiting to take photos. Something too about the vulnerability and lack of privacy/stalking. Welcome bashes is a clever double meaning: a welcome home party (yay!), or “bashes” like bashing someone’s head in (boo!). Get the matches toss the ashes off the ledge (I’m getting tired even for a Phoenix always rising from the ashes mending all my gashes you just might have dealt the final blow… // I took your matches before fire could catch me). I interpret the matches to be that rekindling spark of lust that reconnects them (imgunnagetyouback) but leaves her totally burned out and feeling so worthless and spent that she might as well be flung off a ledge :(

“As I said in my letters [from prison] now that I know better I will never lose my baby again” is either her or him speaking, or both. Some lesson was supposedly learned and the speaker will be altering their behavior in order to not break up again. Either way, this line makes me feel gross. If it’s her, she’s apologizing for something and promising to take on the responsibility for whatever happened herself (a common way to feel in control when your partner is chaotic and blaming you for their actions). If it’s him, it just feels like a gross lie (one that I’ve heard women talk about allll the time). Her friends tried to help her because they saw how fucked up this relationship was, and that she was isolating herself and shrinking smaller and smaller, but she wouldn’t listen. Due to the spell that was making her excuse behaviors in the hopes that he would smile again. (She reiterates that point twice in the song). the subject here led her on, she got caught up in the romance, and now that they’re together again they’re starting fresh. (The starting line is also a band i think? So this seems like a message in a bottle situation, but idk how we would know which song/muse she’s referencing)

Okay vibe shift (I think this is why lots of people connect this song to a certain unsavory muse, because of the call back to “the great escape the prison break the light of freedom on my face” but I don’t really, at least not primarily but I agree it oozes into that situation)!! They’re off the pay phone, she’s running home where he is waiting for her - symbolically he’s letting the lamp burn. He’s telling her again that she’s the girl of his dreams (which is the actual definition of “love bombing…”). And this is where my handy theory that sometimes her songs are written like a conversation without the (he said she said): who is saying “and no matter what I’ve done it doesn’t matter anyway. Ain’t no way I’m gunna screw up now that I know what’s at stake here”? It could be either of them, or both. Same as in the prior verse with the letters. They’re reiterating that some lesson has been learned (though the tone this part is delivered with feels sort of sarcastic to me right? She knows the ending!) it’s giving squeeze my hand as I’m about to leave. The setting shift from porch to park confuses me but I will allow her the artistic license because the children’s swings line is genius. They used to just be kids playing house/dolls at the sandlot together (another song with lots of violent imagery), wearing imaginary rings. None of it was real to him, but she still did the time in his prison anyways, and it maybe cost her the future she was striving for and that he agreed to pursue with her. She was all in, but he viewed it as a game/fantasy. Will it actually be alright? Probably not. But she did the time (and/or he did)…

So what is the slammer?? Who is in it?? What does freedom represent? I think for her the slammer is the relationship. For him, the slammer is the time apart when she broke up with him (or they were separated) because of whatever crime he committed. I also think it’s notable that the album is full of musings on what counts as a crime, particularly if nobody was physically touched/harmed.

Basically, she felt incarcerated, and the imagery does not paint a gentle picture. I know others interpret it as her running to a new partner after leaving the last one, but I just really don’t see this (other than thematically implied at the end). I feel pretty strongly that it’s about reuniting with someone who’s hurt you, and the confusing icky emotions that come up when making the decision to get back together (and how that’s related to feeling worthless/like you don’t deserve better).

Bonus parallels:

Another summer taking cover // I’ve loved you three summers now honey but I want them all

Fresh out the slammer // put you in jail for something you didn’t do

Gray and blue and fights and tunnels // don’t want no other shade of blue but you // turned around before I hit the tunnel

Handcuffed to the spell I was under // even if it’s handcuffed I’m leaving here with you

Years of.. ceilings // staring at the ceiling with you // drew a map on your bedroom ceiling

Ain’t no way I’m gunna screw up now that I know what’s at stake here // that child’s play back in school is forgiven under my rule, I haven’t come around in soo long but I’m making a come back to where I belong (yeah yeah football references blah blah blah the alchemy feels sinister to me and I think easily describes the inverse of FOTS- the chemistry and fire that happens when she and the Fots muse reconnect.)

#FOTS #tw: abuse mention #abuse #trauma #relationships #would’ve could’ve should’ve hours #Empowered relationships #Muse talk #ja #(pls don’t come for me! I am really trying not to put any words in her mouth!)#I just feel strongly that we should take her at her word and hear what she’s saying and this song feels clear to me. But vague enough #C #joever

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malka-lisitsa · 8 months ago

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Dear Boyfriend

It's me I'm the boyfriend

Verse: red string - Theres a few pages of paper torn and crumpled up by his trashcan

Dear Stefan,

This is not the life that I had planned for us. Not by far. I had intended for us to run away together in 1864 and spend the rest of eternity side by side. Us against the world. Immortals who's years together are as endless as our love.

But this is not that story. Forever is much shorter than I had ever intended it to be, and that makes me both angry, and scared. I am finally happy and here I am still scared for the end. The situation is the same, the enemy is just wearing a different face.

A large part of me wants to scream at you. Hate you. Hit you, how dare you do this to me, to us? How dare you wait till I have an expiration date to decide that you care about me again?? How could you? How could you do this to US? WE DIDN'T HAVE TO BE HERE. YOU PUT US HERE. YOU AND FUCKING ELENA.

......but what good does being angry do when I know my time with you is limited? The truth is, Stefan I'm scared. You think I would be used to that feeling by now, that it would be background noise but every day I wake up I am a day older, just like before- only this time it MATTERS. There's no magical fix, (allegedly) there's no way for me to avoid it this time... I am going to wither away and die, and you will look as good that day as you do today.

This isn't fair. How fucking shitty of whatever bullshit forces are out there to finally give me what ive been fighting for for 200 god damn miserable fucking years only to put an expiration date on it??? What the actual fuck did I do to deserve any of this? I just don't understand. All I ever wanted was to be happy, to get my happy ever after. The fucking cruel irony that I'm so scared of it ending that I can't even be blissful about it.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in your arms and I am so happy..... and then the silence sets in and I remember that this will END one way or another. I don't think you realize how badly this hurts. How terrified I am. I wish love were as powerful as I had imagined it as a kid. Then all it would take to fix this was our love being more powerful than death..... but it's not.

Almost none of this is how I imagined it. How I imagined us. I wanted forever.... I got a forever of what? 20 years looking this good max, and another 40 or 50 looking like a decrepit old hag? Forever went from an eternity to seventy years tops... I'm fragile now, so any time I fall sick or ....straight up fall all of that could be cut short. Not to mention all the people who's shit list I'm on just got a lot easier of a job taking me out.

What is how I imagined it, on the other hand... is how it feels to be in your arms. How it feels to be the one you look at when you think I dont know. How it feels to kiss you. How it feels to hear you whisper I love you when you think Im asleep. How it feels to be tangled up with you in the sheets, how it feels to fall asleep listening to your heart beat.... how it feels to be loved by you. None of that has changed. All of it is still more precious to me than anything you could ever imagine.... all of that is everything a little bulgarian girl wished for on a shooting star in the 1400's... You are my dream come true...

I just wish I was strong enough to be the fearless girl you think I am.

Then I wouldn't be so scared to lose all of this. TO lose us.

Maybe the universe will smile on us and some kind of fix for this pathetic state I'm in will present itself. Maybe I will get to be immortal again and we will have forever... true forever.... of course I'm always going to hope, and fight for that.... for you...

But on the days that I'm too tired to keep fighting. On the says I'm too weak to stand, and I fall to my knees and sob and take all of my fear and anger out on you... I'm sorry. I'm trying... I'm just scared. I've already sat by for 147 years unable to touch you and helpless to watch you live your life without me.... I don't want to do it for eternity on the other side too.... Im just scared Stefan....

So I hope you can forgive me for the days I am a bitch to you. This isn't how I wanted to be... but I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you. Even after I'm gone.

Katherine

#Answered #hybrid-royalty-main #ripper royalty #verse: red string #IM SOBBING LITERALLY HURTS TO BREATHE #SHE LOVES HIM SO MUCH AND SHES SO SCARED

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scribeforchrist-blog · 10 months ago

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Hearing & Obeying

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

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+ Ecclesiastes 12:8 Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Everything is meaningless!”

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VERSE OF THE DAY

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+ Luke 11:28 He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”

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** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM DOING WHAT GOD SAYS

I AM NOT DOUBTING GOD

I RELY ON GOD

GOD IS OPENING DOORS

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THOUGHTS:

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Listening to God is the most important thing you or I can do; we can listen to our bosses, family, therapist, or anyone else, but God is the most important person we need to stop and reverence. Many people have problems hearing God’s voice, but it is relatively simple to some and some it’s very difficult , God speaks in various ways. We are told this in Job: he speaks in visions through people and other ways, but do we stop and take in what he wants to say, or do we ignore him? Today’s verse tells us that blessed are those who hear the word of God and obey it; When we hear his word, it is him that is speaking to us ,about the wrongs we committed; some people dont want to hear that. Some say I whether pray more or read more, but whatever we do, we need to make sure we’re hearing him, and we’re applying what he’s saying, one of the ways to have favor with God is to hear him. We forget how favor can be placed upon our lives , and to have this life 1.We must do what God has commanded us to , 2. WE MUST HEAR HIM WHEN HE SPEAKS TO US THROUGH AUDIBLE OR HIS WORD. “Matthew 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For the lord to take our burden, we must bring it to him. A lot of times, we dont bring anything to him but complaints, but it’s different when we let go of everything and tell him how we are feeling and what we are experiencing; it says, learn from me and how we do this is by LISTENING, we must stop talking and listen and some of us find this hard to do because we like to talk and talk. Still, it must be a balance, like in drinking soda, eating unhealthy, and watching too much tv we must a balance in it and; when we tell him, listen for him to tell us, I had a problem the other week, and I voiced to him how upset I was. The situation didn’t change, and I was like, wow, maybe I need to pray again, so I did. As I walked up to my home, I heard him, plain and clear, give me a resolution. I was so excited that he told me he said this isn’t hard; you’re making it harder then what it is; do it this way; he knows me; he knows what I will do and what I will say, and how I will react; let GOD guide you by listening to him. Ecclesiastes 1:4 I have seen everything done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind. God has seen everything under the sun, and in any situation, he can talk us through it if we listen; we try our best to think that what we are dealing with is new. It isn’t; it is new to us and not new to him, and he wants us to listen to him on how to resolve our problems. God inspired men to write the words of the bible so we would have something to guide us in our lives. Some people say life is miserable, which life isn’t, what happens in our lives is ,SOMETIMES because we ignore the voice of God and when things that aren’t in our plans occur we decide right then and there life is miserable and terrible because we decide to handle life outside of what God has told us too ! We must hear God voice and obey his will.

NOW, two things can happen when we are in this state: we can ask God to help us by giving us advice OR sit in our problems , and we can’t allow what we are going through to make us sit in our problems ; we can’t allow what we are going through to push us further from connecting with God but our situations should push us towards the living God! When we are in doubt or confused, we must slow down and wait for the voice of God to speak. Psalm 119:105: “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” His words, his voice, all of it can lead us away from a dark path; it can lead us further away from what we are dealing with; a lot of times, what we are dealing with seems very big and emotional, but what we have to do is allow his words his voice to be the light at the end of the tunnel and to do this we have to sit and talk with him every day, as we do this we crave more with him, we crave more of him. I, for one, have learned on this walk that when we spend time with him and not look at the time but look at him, we become closer, sit aside time to grow closer to him! *** Today, don’t allow what’s happening to block you from hearing the voice of God; allow what’s happening to you to lead you back to the voice of God. We all have these moments where we are confused about whether we heard him, but when we aren’t sure, ask him, God, are you speaking to me? I am listening because, in our lives some situations can be avoided when we listen and obey; listening is hard in a world full of so much noise, but it becomes easier when we stop listening to everyone else and the noise and dial into him. ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

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PRAYER

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Heavenly Father, thank you for today; we thank you for everything; we want to grow from you and do your will. We want you to be Lord of Lord, Lord; we give you our ears; we ask you to open them up from a dead place and have them come alive so we may hear. Lord, if we have ignored you in any way, we are sorry. Please help us to hear you, Lord. Forgive us if we have decided to ignore you. We are sorry, Lord. We don’t want the enemy to take over, and we don’t want to allow him to use us in his ways, but we want to be used by you in every way. Lord, help us to listen to you more and not just listen but to do what you want of us. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

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REFERENCES

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+ Luke 8:21 But he answered them, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.”

+ John 13:17 If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.

+ Psalm 112:1 Praise the Lord! Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, greatly delights in his commandments

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In Case You Missed It

Work From Heart a Thai BL from DV8 for WeTV starts Aug 25 trailer here. An office romcom featuring lots of other couples, starring Love With Benefits pair Gameplay & Folk.

Japan bringing us More Than Words, 10 eps for Amazon Prime JP Sept 16, no trailer, no word on international distribution, premiere on adaptation of Etsuko’s two mangas "In The Apartment" and "More Than Words", starring Ryōko Fujino (Fujoshi, Ukkari Gei ni Kokuru), Yuzu Aoki (Kakafukaka), Daisuke Nakagawa (Colorful Love), and Daiki Kanechika (EXIT comedian).

Honestly my money was on Viki winning his one, but happy to see it’s going to GaGa! Takara-kun and Amagi-kun from the same studio as Mr Unlucky and Senpai, so expect that style. A popular guy and an outcast boy start dating in secret. Stars Jpop Idols Arata Sato (IMPACTors) and Nao Oriyama (Shonen Ninja).

Gossip

Thai y-novel by Prang “2 Worlds” is getting an adaptation.

GMMTV is bring us something they didn’t announce at the beginning of the year, Oishi Magic Of Zero, starring EarthMix. They are play the same roles (Win & Korn) as in Cupid's Last Wish, to start (drop?) Sept 25 on YouTube! So this might just be a special or....? This is a sponsored series of one shot specials/adverts featuring exiting characters like Our Skyy. The first one was InkPa from Bad Buddy. Which I have yet to watch. (see comments)

Strongberry (our favorite production house from Korea) officially introduced 3 actors (fresh faces) for their upcoming FULL LENGTH romcom BL “#사랑은댕냥댕냥” basically “love is dang dang dang” but roughly means Love is Love actually means “love is a cat and a dog.” (see ask in feed) Guess at run time is 1.5hr, so normal KBL length. Still casting final lead. About a boy who lives alone after losing his parents who works part-time in his Uncle's shop. One day, 2 strangers appearing claiming they are reincarnations of his childhood pets (a cat and a a dog).

Korea’s Able Casting Agency posted an actor search for a character for an upcoming BL Two Game Over. That’s the first we’ve all heard of it.

Korea is ALL in on that A Shoulder To Cry On BL starring two members of the same group, OMEGA X (Jaehan & Yechan). Why? Well its schedueld to release mid Sept AND OMEGA X with sing the OST. Ho boy.

Next Week Looks Like This:

We ramping back up again, that summer lull was short and full of JBL.

Starting & Ending: Tomorrow, Monday Aug 15th, 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us (trailer) on GaGa. But I’m not sure it’s BL. Takara-kun and Amagi-kun starts on GaGa this Friday. Love in the Air Mame’s next offering via Me Mindy is supposed to start on the 19th on YT. Unless it whips into a verbal frenzy, I won’t do a trash watch (I already have 2 going right now). Love Mechanics & My Secret Love both end. Thank fuck.

This week’s best moments?

Why did no one tell me the side couple in Oh My Sunshine features the actor who played Bbomb in Nitiman? Now I may have to watch for them. Grumble. I blame all ya’all.

Well that side couple came out of nowhere! But still YAY Check Out, we like it.

Back hugs!

(last week)

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painful-pooch · 2 years ago

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The Start of a Dream Team

So after the long wait, it's finally here! I hope you enjoy this!

I did try to incorporate some camraderie and good old fashioned bickering between the branches that you will see here. This is a fun fictional team that I plan to whump hopefully with your help.

I'd like to give a big shout out to @ocean-blue-whump , @whumperofworlds , and @straight-to-the-pain for really giving me the courage for this.

TW: Some shit talking between people and threats of torture/hazing

Word count: 4k

"You have a month to find yourself a team, Stenberg. By the time your time is up, I want to see a folder on my desk by then or I'll have you on the worst detail I can give you. Don't think because you're a Captain that I can't make your life miserable. Am I understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am. I'll get on that ASAP."

3 WEEKS LATER

Vibrant blue eyes stare at the figure in the mirror, Bruno running his hand through his copper brown hair with gel so his hair can be more presentable. It doesn't take long for him to get into what he considered regulation, minus the fact that he is starting to grow out a beard. He is told that sooner or later, he would have to stop trying to keep in touch with the regulations on grooming if he is going to be on missions where he needs to blend in.

He fixes the collar of his uniform, running his thumb along the edges of it to make sure it doesn't look fucked up. Watchful eyes scan his uniform from the mirror, ensuring that the velcro name tapes, rank, flag, unit patch, and anything else he has on looks clean and professional.

He barely glances at the clock and sees the time. It's 0545. They all had better be up or I will make them pay.

It took him roughly three weeks to find everyone he needed on the team, back ups and replacements being chosen as well, but not notified. This is more of a need to know basis, and he can't risk the premise of the task force to be figured out by anyone without the proper clearance.

He knows that some of those he picked will need more work than others. The task force is a combination of those of different branches and ranks, both enlisted and officers. He was given only a few slots, until he proved himself.

It wasn't an easy choice, but he managed to find most of what he wanted from his team after going through a list of what he thought was necessary for success.

Without waiting another moment, Bruno walked out of his room, looking down the hallway to see only a few people standing by in their respective service's uniform.

Wonderful. Time to see who I need to wake up.

Bruno stood in front of a female Marine Officer, his eyes on her name tape, rank, and then her green eyes. "Lieutenant Ryker?" He asks, and to his surprise, she raises an eyebrow.

"I thought you could read, Chair Force? You're all the brainiacs of the military, you tell me."

She… Did she really just go there?

His disbelief gives her enough time to tilt her head questioningly. "Did I already make the walking computer blue screen?"

Bruno huffs and stares her down. "If I didn't know better, someone didn't get to have her favorite crayons for breakfast. What color would you like today, hmmm? Oh sorry, let me make this easier: you want Cherry or Blueberry?"

Lieutenant Ryker glares at him in subtle rage. It gives Bruno enough time to remind himself about sifting through some of the files for a few nights prior to this, hers coming to mind.

Miranda Zane Ryker. Marine. Commissioned after a few years on Active Duty as an EOD Marine (explosives ordnance disposal). Did a couple of tours around the world and is well versed in most explosives and how to properly dispose of them, earning the respect of her platoon and unit. Confident beyond the definition of the word. Known to be… I suppose it's wit? Probably has some issues with me already. Don't we all?

Snickering is heard beside them, which makes both Bruno and Miranda shoot daggers towards the sound. The man looks like a damn viking with the beard and all, but he has three large scars going down the side of his face, as if a wild animal had slashed him.

“Is there something you want to add, Staff Sergeant Ackermann?”

“I would have thought the Army would have taken out every bit of happiness from you fucks,” Miranda mutters under her breath.

Sergeant Ackermann keeps his grin on his face and rolls his eyes. “Ah yes, because let’s not forget to mess with the enlisted bastard. Look, Blue Falcon and Devil Dog, I am just a humble little Sergeant here to actually get shit done. Also you two are so going to kiss at some point.”

Miranda scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, as if I would even want to kiss the military’s version of a nerd. Not my type anyways.”

“We are not going to kiss, Sergeant Ackermann!” Bruno roars in annoyance, growing more upset with the amusement that never left the Army Sergeant’s face.

Valdemar Frey Ackermann. Army. Enlisted after being given the option between prison time or an enlistment within the armed forces. Has shown exceptional potential after a few tours and was picked to be a drill instructor. Turns it down instead to go special forces and teach SERE (Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape) school for the best of the best. Has a knack for heavy weapons and is known to be an… ‘admirable’ man. More like an asshole… We all are, honestly, who am I joking…

Valdemar winks and looks around the hallway, staring at a door without anyone beside it. “Yeah yeah, sure. Who’s missing here?”

Miranda stays quiet and Bruno’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, wondering who is missing. “I’ll figure that out here in a few minutes. Why? Are you going to help with anything?”

“Oh, don’t you worry your pretty officer bars, Captain Stenberg. I’ll whip some people in shape. Just tell me who it is in there in a bit. We still have… three other people to go through here?” Valdemar beckons to the others standing by to be accounted for.

A sigh comes from Bruno; he was more than aware that he is going to be dealing with some members that haven’t truly been pushed to their boundaries yet, but he has to start somewhere. Soon enough, the missing members will be addressed. He focuses his attention on the next person he walks up to.

The man barely locks eyes with him for a second and stares back at the floor, almost wanting to take a step back from Bruno. He seems out of his element and rather than even say a word, he pulls out his wallet and shows his CAC (Common Access Card). Bruno almost feels bad for scaring the man, but he doesn’t push it much and reads over the card.

Oscar Franco Cortez. Retired Air Force. Civilian contracted with the NSA (National Security Administration). Used to be in intel if I recall and made it to the rank of Staff Sergeant and is now a GS-7 (rank for civilian members). Already has Top Secret clearance and is renowned for his work. Studious and has a Bachelor’s degree, working on his Master’s. Known to stick to his own, but gets his work done way before the deadline, surpassing the objective. I’ll have to talk to him one on one soon enough.

“Thank you, Mr. Cortez. If you’d like, can I call you Oscar to make you feel better?” Bruno asks, trying to see some facial movement in the man.

Oscar shakes his head and finally utters a few words. “No, but thank you. Can I go?”

Bruno is blinking and glances at Valdemar and Miranda, who both raise their hands and shake their heads to deny helping him with Oscar. He is on his own, which isn’t really out of the norm, but he pinches the bridge of his nose in slight annoyance. “How about this, Mr. Cortez… Let’s all get to, at the bare minimum, get to know one another’s name, and then you can go. And no, the rest of you are not going anywhere.”

Oscar nods his head and peeks a glance upwards, his pale blue eyes locked with Bruno’s. “Oscar. You can say Oscar, Captain.”

A small smile is forming on the Captain’s usually stoic face and he clears his throat. “Right. Well then, Oscar, just stand by until you at least know who you will be working with.”

With that being said, Bruno walks up to the female Airman standing before him, her eyes straight and her demeanor more serious. Surprisingly, he thinks that she may be the most serious of them all. “Senior Airman Paszek?”

Senior Airman Paszek adjusts her gaze to meet Bruno’s ever-so observant eyes. He can tell she’s ready to take any order he gives her, but he waits for her response. “Yes, Sir. Good morning. Is there anything I need to do for in processing? I can grab a copy of my orders and anything else you need.”

Bruno stifles back a laugh and shakes his head. “No need to worry about that. I’ll handle everything when it comes to the support squadrons and finance. This will be your duty location and I’ll explain everything else once I’ve finished accountability. Also, you can relax. This isn’t anything like Pararescue training as of right now.”

“Oh. Thank you, Sir.” Her shoulders relax more and she glances around the hallway to take a better look at her team. That or she is also keeping an eye out for anything that may jump out to surprise her. She waves at Miranda, who waves back at her with a smile until Bruno fixes his gaze on her, which is met back with a deadpan look.

Rather than deal with Miranda’s bullshit, he’s trying to remember some key parts of Khrystyna’s file to test himself on memorizing each member of his team.

Khystyna Zofia Paszek. Air Force. Joined at the age of seventeen and a half and graduated basic training just a few months shy of eighteen. She opted in for PJ (pararescue jumper) training and is one of the first women to actually make it through the whole thing without tapping out or getting a single strike on her record. She may be young… I think she’s old enough to drink by now, but I do think she will gain more experience and be able to keep up with the fast pace we will set up. She seems to be worried about setting a good first impression, but she’s going to be fine.

“Well, Paszek, I think you are going to enjoy the challenge I will throw at you later on. Be ready for it and make sure to not let anyone fall behind. Got it?” He questions her, a small smile on his own face to be more warm and trusting. He is beyond pleased to see her eyes flash with a sense of excitement and a desire to make things happen.

He runs a hand through his hair, making note that he is almost done with the hardest part when it comes to making a team: getting to know everyone and figuring out as quickly as possible if this is the team he wants to work with and make history from within the shadows.

The last man he sees in the hallway immediately throws him off. He is wearing his Navy working uniform and his demeanor is colder than ice. Bruno doesn’t like it, but the man speaks up before he can do anything. “Petty Officer First Class Ashton, Sir. Is there a reason I was removed from my previous team?”

Bruno holds his gaze with Petty Officer Ashton and he answers without even wavering, “Because you are needed here. I’d be careful with whatever comes from your mouth. I have the authority to pull you from any team I want. I don’t care if you are from the Rangers or SEALs. Your service is to this country, whether you agree or not. Am I understood? That goes for the rest of you. I am the only thing standing in your way from that door to leave. I see worth in you all and dammit, I will make it happen.” He takes the moment to look around, the rest of the team almost standing straighter and nodding in agreement.

Petty Officer Ashton seems to have let his pride get hurt in the process and he has anger in his eyes. Good. “Yes, I understand, Captain. Are you going to tell us what we are all doing here or are you going to be as cryptic as ever before?”

“Once I get everyone accounted for, I can better explain things. Is that a fair answer to you?” Bruno is about five seconds away from making this man work until he drops.

Kieran Reeves Ashton. Navy. God, I hate the Navy… He enlisted as a Naval Aircrewman for Helicopters. He went the SEALs route, and since then, he has been their dedicated long-range combatant. Codename is ‘Strider’. Excellent marksmanship skills using a sniper rifle and has the skills needed to stay hidden and not be seen unless he wants to be seen. Has had issues in the past with fellow teammates over a variety of issues, from personality clashing to just arguing over who is the most skilled. I’ll keep an eye on him, but he is the best of the best. I can work with that. I hope.

“Yeah that’s fair… I think I still hear snoring in that room?” Kieran observes, pointing over at the room across from him and Bruno.

Bruno plays all the names in his head and he realizes there are still two members he hasn’t fully met yet. He groans and sighs, staring at the door and wondering what he should do about it. Then again… He could use Valdemar. He is, after all, an instructor.

“Sergeant Ackermann?”

“Yes? Do you need my services now?” Bruno doesn’t need to even look over to see that Valdemar is already smirking.

“Yep. We are looking for Lieutenants Kazemi and Chevalier. Use any means possible to get them out here in under three minutes or I will have you mop a sidewalk when it’s raining outside, make you cut the fucking grass with a sewing kit scissors, or make you paint rocks outside in the hot blistering sun. Is that motivation enough, Sergeant Ackermann?”

Valdemar chuckles and winks at Miranda. “Watch this Army boy get shit done,” he jokes, heading into his room for a moment. Silence is all that can be heard until the water turns on for about a minute.

“Any minute now, Sergeant!” Bruno is counting down the seconds.

“You rush too much, Captain. Perfection takes about a minute, a wet towel, and a pitcher of cold shower water. Brought to you by good ol’ Valdemar.” Valdemar appears once more with the items he listed and Bruno quickly steps in front of him, grabbing the wet towel.

“I don’t think hazing my two pilots by waterboarding them is acceptable. You can douse them in water, but they aren’t in SERE right now. Try not to be too harsh on them. I need them in one piece.” Bruno’s voice leaves no room for arguing or trying to skirt around it, giving Valdemar a taste of a more serious leader.

“Oooooh, well look at that. The Captain America over here has a command voice,” Miranda laughs, smiling so brightly at Bruno.

“I don’t have time for your lip, *Marine*,” Bruno grumbles and gives her a stern look, taking his eyes off Valdemar.

Valdemar scoffs and raises his free hand, walking around Bruno. “That’s okay. They will be fine. I won’t waterboard them, but they are going to wake up for me.” With that, he gently turns the handle to the room and throws the door wide open. “Rise and shine!” He shouts, going to one of the beds and ripping the sheets back, dousing one of the Lieutenants in cold water.

“What the- OH FUCK COLD COLD COLD!” One screams, scrambling out of bed and gasping, holding onto their wet shirt that’s clinging onto their skin. “What t-t-time is it?” He asks, his teeth chattering as he looks up at Bruno, soft turquoise eyes that show Bruno how tired he is.

“It’s time for you to wake up. Where’s your roommate?” Valdemar answers, sifting through the room to see a neatly made bed with a note on it. He picks it up and reads out loud, “Hey Buddy, I am heading out to go on a run and grabs us some food. I should be back by the time formation starts. I hope you actually wake up on time for once. From your one and only Sebastian, Sebastian… Wow, he re-”

“They,” the young Lieutenant coughed, “They are non-binary. But you can also use ‘he’. Just letting you know.”

Valdemar blinked and raised an eyebrow. “Right… Got it. Now why the fuck aren’t they here? Well first off, get off the floor, stand at ease, and tell the Captain here why your sorry ass was off asleep? Move!” He commands, grabbing the Lieutenant and getting him standing up, the poor man shivering.

Lukas Ashraf Kazemi. Air Force. Commissioned through the Air Force Academy with a Bachelor’s in Aeronautical Engineering and a Minor in Farsi. Has been flying planes since a young age and earned his pilot’s license at the age of sixteen. Has some of the highest scores on the pilot exam and is already an Ace (a pilot who has downed 5 enemy planes) at his age. Callsign is ‘Tomcat’. His father is a Major General in the Air Force as well, but that’s more trivia than a reason to be here. He is known to be full of life but also can get the job done. I have high expectations for him.

Lukas focuses on Bruno and mumbles, “Sorry, Sir. Lieutenant Kazemi here. I got here pretty late last night and I thought my alarm would wake me up. Could you do me a favor?”

Valdemar’s eyes widen. “Who the fuck said you can ask for-”

“That’s enough, Sergeant Ackermann. What’s the favor, Lieutenant Kazemi?”

Lukas smirks up and peeks a glance at Valdemar. “Mind keeping the Army dog on a leash. My face is too pretty to get bruised up.”

My expectations may be tested here…

Valdemar huffs in exasperation and crosses his arms. “Oh, just you wait…”

Bruno rubs his face and groans, “It’s so damn early to be dealing with this. You need to behave. The both of you. I swear, I haven’t gotten to know much about you all, but so far I know you like waterboarding and this one likes his pretty little face. We are getting far from the objective though. Can you call up Lieutenant Chevalier? They really need to be here, and don’t you both think for a moment I am excusing your tardiness. I’ll make you both run laps until you drop.”

Valdemar’s jaw drops in shock and Lukas cuts him off quickly. “Yep! I can call them up. I don’t think they went that far, honestly.” He walks over to grab his phone, calling who Bruno can only hope is Lieutenant Chevalier.

Then they all hear it.

The ring tone of a phone going off… With a rendition of the song “Never Gonna Give You Up”, but it goes like ‘Never gonna hang you up, never gonna voicemail you’.

Laughter is erupting from the hallway, and Valdemar, Lukas, and Bruno both look over at the doorway to see what Bruno is sure is the missing link to it all.

Sebastian Dario Chevalier. Air Force. Commissioned as an Officer in the Air Force Academy just like Lukas. They were both in the same class from what their records say. They have a Major in Military & Strategic Studies and a Minor in Philosophy. They, along with Lukas, both are Aces within their rights, but they have experience in flying helicopters as well. Callsign is ‘Icarus’. They have an extraordinary sense of teamwork and family, always motivating others and carrying themselves with a pride that most people didn’t carry. They are known for always having a good time and keeping Lukas in check. They may be able to help me with the general atmosphere, but they are definitely going to drive me up a wall, huh?

Sebastian is grinning, two coffees in hand and a small paper bag. “So it seems like Lukas forgot his alarm again? I was here trying to give my wingman here some good bagels and he goes off and gets himself in trouble. Tsk tsk,” they tut with the brightest smile Bruno has ever seen. It is about to blind him.

Valdemar grabs both of the coffees from Sebastian, taking a sip from one. “Hey, Oscar, you like coffee?” He asks, peeking out of the room while Sebastian is in shock and awe.

“My coffee!”

“No. Mine and Oscar’s. There you go, bud. Enjoy it. No need to say anything,” Valdemar laughs, passing the cup to a very quiet Oscar who raises his cup in an almost thank you sort of manner.

Bruno clears his throat and catches the attention of Sebastian. “You were late. I want both of you in your damn PT (Physical Training) gear when this is over. You’ll be running until I say you are done. I’ll assume you got the idea, considering you seem like you have your life a little bit more together than Pretty Boy over here.”

Sebastian snickers and nods his head, tossing the bag to Lukas. “Of course, Sir. I’ll make sure we are both on the track within ten minutes of the meeting being over. If not, you can kick us out of a plane while tied up.”

Bruno can feel his smile grow and he rolls his eyes. “Sure, uhuh. Don’t tempt me or Sergeant Ackermann over here. He seems like a damn sadist, almost five seconds away from waterboarding poor Lieutenant Kazemi over here.”

“Oh yeah, don’t remind me. I’ll get Mr. Pretty Face soon for ruining the fun,” Valdemar laughs and keeps drinking the coffee. “I will put you all through my own version of SERE training.”

I don’t doubt that… It would be good training, honestly.

“Alright, all of you in the hallway, now!” Bruno calls out, clapping his hands to get everyone back out.

Bruno takes a moment to look around at his team, from judging eyes to eyes that already show respect. “Well, before I start this up, my name is Captain Bruno Christiansen Stenberg, and I’ll be the team leader for this task force. With how the world is right now, it was decided that there should be a dedicated force set up in place to handle the jobs that some would consider ‘black ops’ or ‘unauthorized use of force’. That being said, a lot will be asked from each and every one of you, perhaps more than you could ever think possible. You will all be pushed past the breaking point, but as long as I live and as long as I draw breath, I won’t let you all down.”

All of their faces vary from excitement to slight fear, but Bruno has something that he needed from the very beginning: their attention and their honor.

Valdemar raises his hand. “So what are we going to be called, Captain?”

Lukas grins and offers a suggestion. “How about ‘The Dream Team’?”

Sebastian holds back a laugh. “I kind of like that.”

Miranda keeps a steady gaze on Bruno and for a second, Bruno can swear he sees a small hint of high regard. “Maybe for now, we can be that, but I am sure we already have an official title.”

Oscar, surprisingly, speaks up. “Dream Team.”

Kieran rolls his eyes and leans back against the wall. “I don’t care what we are called as long as it isn’t something stupid.”

Khystyna smiles and points at Lukas. “That’s not a bad idea.”

“Then there we have it. For our own amusement, we’ll go by ‘The Dream Team’,” Bruno agrees, crossing his arms and feeling good about it all.

Maybe he can do this.

No…

He has to.

#military whump #whump oc #whump #introduction #bruno stenberg #miranda ryker #valdemar ackermann #lukas kazemi #khrystyna paszek #oscar cortez #kieran ashton #sebastian chevalier #task force #izzy writes

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a-clockwork-justice · 3 years ago

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Everything I Love About Loser Geek Whatever

So, not too long ago, it was the third birthday of Loser Geek Whatever. Yes, I know the single was released on November 30th 2018 and its considered the song’s official birthday, but the 26th July three years ago was the first showing of the 2018 Off-Broadway revival of Be More Chill and the first time Loser Geek Whatever was shown to the world in any capacity. Therefore, I consider that day to be the song’s unoffical birthday and I’ve been waiting to write down everything I love about it so here I am. (This was originally gonna be posted on the 26th July but I can’t make anything concise so it took longer than that).

I’ve gone on and on about what Loser Geek Whatever means to me personally, how a slew of random chance introduce me to it, got me deep into Be More Chill, introduced me to 90% of my current friends, and overall up-ended my whole life, but now it’s time to dissect the song itself and why it’s so great. As much as I adore Loser Geek Whatever, it could’ve easily been any other song that threw me down a rabbit hole and that I could’ve latched onto- no, wait, it couldn’t have been, because Loser Geek Whatever is unique in that way. I did about a year of music at A-Level so I’m gonna delve into some of the technical aspects here too. I’m chronicling this mostly for myself so I am going as deep as I see fit because this song is a treasure hiding yet more treasures. If you happen to love Loser Geek Whatever as much as I do, this’ll be your goldmine.

So, grab a snack my fellow fans, because here’s a comprehensive list of everything to love about Loser Geek Whatever in roughly chronological order. Long post incoming:

The song starts off strong from the first millisecond - I don’t know what instrument(s) they used but just listen to the single version again - that opening chord blares at you like a siren. It calls for your attention, screaming this is incredibly important, and indeed it is. That chord, an F chord, has no indication as to whether it’s major or minor - it’s just the tonic F with its dominant C and another tonic F above it. In other words, it’s unresolved, it hangs in the air. From a narrative standpoint, Jeremy is at a crossroads, torn between giving into the SQUIP or staying loyal to Michael, and the music paints this. It has the same effect on both the single and album versions - I always hold my breath as it holds, it’s the gap in this crucial transition for Jeremy between who he was and him becoming something he isn’t.

To continue the thread of musical painting, the melody line contains the accidental E-flat which doesn’t belong to the key of F major. This once again illustrates Jeremy’s uncertainty, but there’s more - the whole introduction is a slowed-down version of the Apocalypse of the Damned theme from Two Player Game, arguably the point in the show when Michael and Jeremy’s relationship was at its strongest. Jeremy’s recalling everything he had with Michael, but the slowing down of the melody shows hesitancy, along with highlighting the accidental E flat. These latter points of course aren’t unique to Loser Geek Whatever - they’re also in the section of Upgrade that twins with Loser Geek Whatever. I’m just laying out why they work so well.

I’m glad I waited until after I saw the show in London to finish writing this - I’m something of a Loser Geek Whatever purist, as made clear by my ire at them cutting it in half and tacking the end of Upgrade back on for the London version. I still enjoyed the show in London though and I’m glad I knew about this change ahead of time, because they did change something about the song that I think really worked - they added two notes in the bass to each bar, like heartbeats, which once again signifies Jeremy’s uncertancy and the importance of this major turning point.

It’s been firmly established by this point that Jeremy is a loser and he knows it. He doesn’t want to be a hero, he just wants to survive, but there’s a difference between that and feeling “inconsequential.” Jeremy is basically admitting that, in his eyes, it doesn’t matter to the world or anyone except Michael if he even survives or not. He’s not just a loser, or a geek - he’s a whatever, with no one caring who he is. And he’s felt this way for years - since middle school began. He’s now in his Junior year of high school - that’s five years of being in this state of being unnoticed at best and picked on at worst. He’s “the one who’s left out”. With just one little line, hell, one word, we’re given more layers as to why he so badly wants to change that.

Moving from the first verse to the chorus, we start to see Jeremy’s attitude shift, from being sad to being angry - he’s frustrated, resentful that he’s spent so long in this state (A lot of people have made similar comparisons about Will Roland’s Jeremy as a whole in relation to Will Connolly’s Jeremy and I think this song exemplifies that). He doesn’t deserve to feel this horrible - not now and certainly not for the next two years until he and Michael can be “cool in college.” When you think about it, what options does he really have? He could either give into the SQUIP or reject it and go back to where he was, still miserable and lonely. Yes, he has Michael and Michael is an amazing, kind, loyal best friend, but as many have pointed out, he’s also dismissive of Jeremy’s feelings of inadequacy whether he means to be or not, which only made Jeremy feel more lonely. Should Jeremy just expect to feel better about himself at some point before college? He’s waited for years, why would that happen at any other point?

More layers baby! Second verse, Jeremy rants on about his father’s advice about following his own instincts and how it’s gotten him nowhere he wants to be. Come to think of it, Michael’s advice about staying the same and waiting for their environment to change can be seen as similar - it’s arguably easier for Michael as he has two loving mothers who undoutably give him plenty of positive reinforcement. Meanwhile, Jeremy’s mother has left them, which likely instilled further feelings of not being good enough, and his father has fallen apart to the point where he can’t even put pants on, let alone step up to take care of his son, meaning that Jeremy likely isn’t going to take his advice very seriously, especially after it’s failed him so thoroughly. But to Jeremy, the problem isn’t necessarily the advice itself - it’s that it’s being followed by him. So now he’s going to turn around and put his life and every choice in something else’s hands, even if - no, especially if it goes against his own instincts. It still doesn’t feel quite right, it “feels bizarre”, but it’s getting him somewhere, so it has to be right in the most meaningful capacity, and to Jeremy, the “most meaningful capacity” is any capacity that isn’t his own.

Now the best line - the one about being a “normal, handsome guy”. Let’s get this on the table - Jeremy is trans. Will Roland himself said that he often thinks of the show’s young trans fans when he sings that line. Naturally, societal transphobia plus gender dysphoria would have a pretty catestrophic effect on the self-esteem of any growing teenager, even more so one in Jeremy’s situation for the reasons I’ve just laid out. He’s probably missed out on a lot of things that “normal” guys take for granted, with most girls barely looking in his direction, let alone in any positive manner. Jeremy’s own sexuality aside, it’s mostly society, and the SQUIP by extension, that considers scoring with girls to be a “manly” or masculine activity, and through Brooke treating him as dateable material, Jeremy feels better about fitting into society’s rules of how a man should be and act. This isn’t the only reason he feels good about Brooke finding him attractive, of course, but it’s just another layer that Jeremy sees more value in conforming to how society says he should be rather than in how he actually is.

I know I just said that the last point was about the best line, but honestly, there’s more than one best line in this song. The bridge is where we start to see Jeremy’s language becoming more technologically inclined - “prompt”, “command” and “bandwidth” are all terms used in computing and used to show how Jeremy is likening himself, or his intentions, to a computer, effectivly merging himself and his SQUIP into one entity and Jeremy willingly giving over his own individuality.

And HERE, we get to the kicker. I’ve talked a lot about layers throughout this whole essay, about themes and motifs building on each other. Jeremy is essentially peeling back the layers of his own situation and only finding reason after deeper reason after deeper reason as to why he should follow the SQUIP and not be a loser anymore. Now, he hits the core, the seed, the crux of it all - “The problem has ALWAYS BEEN ME!!” Everything he is, everything that makes Jeremy Heere himself, is and has always been wrong. This line is a gut punch and EVERYONE knows it - the performer always takes a few seconds to let it sink in before continuing.

As an aside, I wanna mention the differences between the single and the album versions of the bridge. The album version starts of quieter after the vocalising of the last chorus, and builds up to the climactic final line, while the single version is loud all the way through but gets even louder and punchier at the end. Both are good, but I personally prefer the single version - the album sounds like Jeremy is broken and desperate and on the verge of tears as he reaches his inevitable but ugly realisation. The single is also desperate, but it’s pleading and all-consuming and a THOUSAND times more powerful, I get chills every time I hear it. (Side note, the London version starts of loud like the single and ends quieter like the album, almost as if Jeremy is reluctant to admit what he truly believes about himself, and it’s easy to see why, it’s a damn harsh condemnation).

“Take a breath and get prepared” - Jeremy sings to both himself and the audience. The first half has been heavy and we need a breather. Yet just before he goes over the brink, he has second thoughts. His conscience, his own voice in his head, breaks through, warning him that his choice will have consequences for other people than himself. People will get hurt - Michael most of all. Not just by Jeremy ditching him; here’s something else - when Jeremy is the “cool dude”, he might end up being a bully to those who are losers just like him, cutting them down just as Rich’s SQUIP made Rich do to him. Who would be the perfect target for Jeremy’s potential future bullying? His former best friend and fellow loser, Michael Mell. It’s pretty damn likely that if the SQUIP hadn’t optic nerve blocked Michael, it would’ve told Jeremy to pick on him, and even though Michael has ostensibly been pretty good at brushing these things off before, the takedowns would hurt a LOT more coming from his former best friend - and we know this because IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS, granted without the SQUIP influencing Jeremy directly (also let’s just clear up that just because the SQUIP wasn’t on doesn’t mean its influence on Jeremy hadn’t disappeared - that’s not how emotional abuse works).

Twelve years of loyal friendship, of borderline unhealthy codependency … can he throw all that away for Christine, a girl he’s thus admired from afar and is only just starting to get to know as a person? Moreover, even if Jeremy gets Christine, what about himself, who he wants to be? He just wants to be something other than himself because he thinks that anything is better but … what? The cool dude, the hero or … whatever. He’ll take anything because he’s that desperate, but what about when he gets it? Will he finally be satisfied? Will it be worth failing his one real friend, an act so scummy that the only way he could possibly stomach it would be to somehow pretend he hadn’t done it?

But none of those questions matter to Jeremy now - he’s fully gaslit into believing that every thought and inclination that comes from himself is wrong and shouldn’t be followed. He needs to sync up with the SQUIP and the rest of the world and mute his own defective inner voice. When you think about it, the relationship between Jeremy and the SQUIP is one of the most intense abusive relationships ever put to fiction - we’ve seen emotional abuse and brainwashing before, but here, Jeremy is literally preventing from THINKING the wrong way because the SQUIP can detect his every thought. See what I mean when I say that doesn’t go away when the SQUIP turns off for a few minutes?!

Throughout all of this is the undercurrent of Jeremy wanting to get better. He’s been trying so hard for so long to have a better life, but nothing has worked. Not listening to his dad, not trying to get closer to Christine through theatre, and certainly not listening to Michael’s advice to wait until college. Why should he resign himself to even more time being miserable with no end in sight? After all, being cool in college isn’t a guarantee. After all he’s been through, it’s his turn to finally be cool, after an eternity of being someone he doesn’t want to be.

Another best line in this song - “I’m Player One.” As mentioned a few times in the show before, like in the Broadway upgrade, Jeremy feels lower even in his friendship with Michael - he’s Player 2 as the more experienced Michael is Player 1. As previously established, Jeremy admits that he’s “not the one who the story’s about.” Now he’s ready to finally take control of his life, be the main character and have good things happen to him, and that means cutting out Michael, the old Player 1. The irony here is that Jeremy is less like Player 1 and more like a video game avatar. In reality, the SQUIP is Player 1, making Jeremy do whatever it demands of him.

More best lines! The slew of insults towards the end serves not just as yet more gut punches for the audience but as a major catharsis for Jeremy - It’s telling that the insults get harsher as his rant goes on, from the “weirdo” to the “weakling freak” to the “failure” to the climactic “please don’t speak”. He’s unloading everything that he’s been carrying over the years, ripping out the bullets that have been embedded in his skin and re-opening all the wounds in the process, but he’s done with the pain and he’ll never ever let himself be hurt like that again, if he follows the SQUIP.

I’ve made a whole post about the significance of the best line “Please Don’t Speak” before so I’ll mostly be repeating a lot of what I said there because it’s been a while since that post and because I want to. Who would’ve said that to Jeremy? Probably not Rich or Chloe, it’s not like them. It had to have come from an adult in a position of authority that could’ve commanded Jeremy not to speak like that - one that apparently did so enough times for him to internalise those words like he did the others. (Even worse if it was more than one adult ...). Out of all of the insults, it’s easy to see how that can easily be the most scarring out of all of them - how would an adult let a child know they’re inadequate? By silencing them. Making it clear that their expression of self not only means nothing, but should be forcibly avoided. Put like that, it makes it much easier to see how and why Jeremy fell under the SQUIP’s influence so easily - telling it was hardly different from authority figures he’s experienced before. In even more sad irony, as Jeremy claims that he’s breaking free and letting go of his past as the “please don’t speak”, he’s just walking right into another, similar trap that he can’t easily escape from. The SQUIP literally vocal cord blocks him during The Play - if that doesn’t say “Please don’t speak,” what does?!

The climax is growing! The music shifts into the relative minor as Jeremy fully gives in to the SQUIP’s evil influence. This is the point of no return, the point where he’s literally being surrounded and overtaken - if you’ve seen this on stage or even just a bootleg, you’ll know what I mean, when the lighting shifts and the circuitry start closing in around him, it’s wonderful. The bass ascends, Jeremy declares once and for all that HE IS NOT THE LOSER, THE GEEK, OR WHATEVER, and he never will be again! As some have pointed out, the sequence of notes on the final “again” is the same as at the end of Be More Chill Part 2, except the last note is different. In BMC part 2, it goes further down by a minor third, but in Loser Geek Whatever, it rises up to the same note it started with. This foreshadows Jeremy’s fate - that he will eventually overcome the SQUIP and that he still has it in him to do so. Man, let me just point out how amazing that last belt is - it lasts for a full 15 seconds in a really high range and takes a LOT of control to bring it back up to the high B without breaking. This song really was written for Will Roland - his voice can pull it off seamlessly, but other actors and understudies have had to find workarounds. No disrespect to them, it’s a damn hard song and it kicks ass all the way through. Scott Folan apparently had trouble with it too, but on the day I happened to see him, he pulled it off without breaking, so props to him!

Overall, Loser Geek Whatever is my favourite song in Be More Chill and not just for its sentimental value to myself. It’s a genuinely deep, complex piece that earned every second of its six minutes. Loser Geek Whatever is definitely the missing piece the show needed - not only is it Jeremy’s solo song, it’s also his “I Want” song and, in a way, his 11 o’clock number all in one, as he’s having a major epiphany after going on a journey, albeit only half of one. It’s easy to see why Joe Iconis dubbed this his anti-Defying Gravity, but it’s also easy to draw parallels to No Good Deed - how both Jeremy and Elphaba vow to become something that society is forcing upon them rather than what they are, even if that society’s will is objectively worse for them. Loser Geek Whatever deserves a thousand times the recognition it has and I still wonder to this day what the fandom reaction would’ve been if it had been in the original soundtrack.

So, that was it. I’m not sorry it was this long.

TL;DR: Loser Geek Whatever is wonderful and anyone who doesn’t think so is wrong.

#be more chill #loser geek whatever #joe iconis #will roland #be more chill meta #music theory #broadway be more chill #be more chill 2.0 #be more chill 3.0 #musical theatre theory #tw depression #jeremy heere #michael mell #be more chill analysis #tw emotional abuse #trans jeremy heere

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veliseraptor · 4 years ago

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top 5 the untamed fanfic AUs you'd like to read

t juslides in with meme six months late without starbucks

this is just noting, also, that many of these AUs already exist! I’m just talking here about AUs I want to see more of. just because they’re on here doesn’t mean I’m discounting the versions people have already written.

1. AU where Xue Yang gets stuck traveling with Xiao Xingchen (and Song Lan, optionally) after the massacre of the Chang Clan, but in CQL verse where they end up as fugitives (oh my god, and then they were fugitives). We know from a brief throwaway line from Wen Qing that apparently Song Lan (and presumably also Xiao Xingchen) are on the Wen shit list, most likely because they’re people who had contact with Xue Yang and Xue Yang is Wen Ruohan’s Most Wanted for a while there until he gets busy with other stuff. And I want to see things that play with that! Either with just Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen or with the whole trio.

But yeah! On the run together, presumably Xiao Xingchen can’t/won’t ditch Xue Yang to get up to mischief, I don’t think he’s terribly inclined to turn him over to the Wens for a few different reasons, and everyone else is getting all caught up in a war so his options for ‘places to drop Xue Yang off that could handle him’ are pretty narrow.

I’m a sucker for bonding under duress and this seems like it could be a fun opportunity, and also has the bonus of probably keeping Xue Yang from annihilating Baixue Temple, which is good.

2. AU where Xiao Xingchen knows who Xue Yang is from the get-go (or figures it out mid-stream) and for whatever reason keeps him around anyway. I don’t care why it happens or how it happens I just think it’s a fun concept to work with, however it’s played. Whether it happens so that Xue Yang knows Xiao Xingchen knows, or Xiao Xingchen knows but Xue Yang doesn’t know that he does, or it’s ambiguous and they’re kind of going for plausible deniability...it just creates some fun opportunities, ya feel?

I’m particularly fond of this happening midstream rather than right off, because I think it does really interesting and fun things to their dynamic if Xiao Xingchen is already invested at that point (and that’s the version I feel like I see more often), but I’m currently writing a version of from the get-go and enjoying that too.

3. Yi City reincarnation AU. I just want everyone being kinda fucked up by their past lives and continuing to be stuck in each others’ orbit, and I especially like this when Song Lan isn’t reincarnated and is just, you know, still around but undead.

I am aware this is not how reincarnation works at all, that part of the point is that it’s a fresh start, but it’s what I want when it comes to my fanfiction AUs and I think that’s legit of me.

I just...love a cyclical narrative, too, so I also really enjoy versions of this where it’s more than one reincarnation cycle, and I would read like. 100k of that.

4. AU where Xiao Xingchen’s suicide either fails or Xue Yang brings him back and is desperate to make things work this time. This is another “I will read five million versions of this concept” things, and I will read them in a wide range of dark to more hopeful, and I will still hunger for more because god!!! There’s so many ways you can take it and all of them are delicious. Another reason I specifically love this one is because either way Xiao Xingchen is going to be a mess and I kind of love fucking Xiao Xingchen up emotionally and psychologically but not in a way where he, you know, dies.

...which as I write that out is very Xue Yang of me, isn’t it.

And then also Xue Yang frantically going LOOK I MADE IT BETTER (he did not make it better) and TOTALLY FIXED IT EVERYTHING’S FINE NOW RIGHT (it is not fine now) and he’s not used to having to, you know, “make amends” or whatever, this is not an experience he’s familiar with and he’s not enjoying it.

5. does “time loop AUs” count as a single entry? because like. I would read several different versions of time loop AUs. for an incomplete sampling:

A. Xiao Xingchen stuck in a time loop. I’m writing one of these but I would like many, in which Xiao Xingchen is stuck in a miserable cycle until he figures out a Yi City fix it, and a lot of people die several times in the process, and it’s all very upsetting. Doesn’t this sound good to you guys?

B. Wei Wuxian stuck in a time loop. I have a prompt for this one for myself about Wei Wuxian in a time loop specifically at Nightless City which is really where I want it to be. Again, for misery reasons. I always like trapping characters at their low points. It just makes everything more fun.

C. Jiang Cheng stuck in a time loop. I don’t even care where, it just...okay, not only is it good for all the usual reasons it’s good (forcing someone to recapitulate their trauma and being unable to escape it until they find a way to escape it), is that not a perfect metaphor for Jiang Cheng’s life and problems.

The “being stuck in a moment or moments of time and unable to get out, unable to leave the past behind, continually recapitulating in a more metaphorical way past traumas and therefore often recreating them” and like. Would love to do that to him. I don’t even know where I’d want it to start. After the fall of Lotus Pier? Before that? After Wei Wuxian comes back? After Wei Wuxian goes to the Burial Mounds? I just want to read Jiang Cheng suffering through the mortifying experience of reliving his own mistakes and also making new ones.

D. Xue Yang stuck in a time loop. Someone did already write a very good and frankly iconic version of this but there can never be too many and also that one was very sad and I’d love one where it is less sad. Though sad works too, because the whole theme of Yi City being “we are all trapped in this cycle of destruction no one is escaping alive” is...well, it hurts me but also I like it. but also it hurts me. regardless I would love to read Xue Yang making a go at fixing things (for himself, obviously, all else is incidental) because he’d be terrible at it.

anyway, that’s five, or maybe eight depending on how you count. I’m going with five.

you will notice that pretty much all of these are yi city centric aus and that is because I’m actually less interested in aus that futz with the main plot, in general. I’m not opposed to them or anything but I don’t generally seek them out unless they’re by an author I already know I like.

(hypothetically I would like Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli to not die, but the problem is that I’m so deeply invested in the tragedy of the first life. like, in the Yanli Lives fic I’m writing I killed Jiang Cheng because I wanted to keep that sweet Yunmeng Siblings Misery.)

the exception to this would hypothetically be varieties of Jin Guangyao Lives AUs, but I actually have less of a concrete idea of what I want from that one, just that I, you know. want him to live his best life actually.

#anonymous #conversating #top five meme #i'm not doing this meme now just answering a couple from like six months ago or whatever #the sad queer cultivators show #consider these free prompts to good homes if you want them

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damienthepious · 2 years ago

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My entire soul for commentary on part of the first section of LTRATP chapter 2, I am dying over “she earns her way quite differently”

I TRIED TO ANSWER THIS ONCE AND ACCIDENTALLY CLOSED THE WHOLE BROWSER WINDOW. HECK. SECOND ATTEMPT. chapter twoooooooo....

[Rilla stops, beneath the bells. She just- her legs go stiff, and she clutches with a grimace at her back, and then she shakes her head hard and lifts her hands to press against her face.]

the bells are becoming a Thing in this ‘verse without my intent or input, tbh. Also. oh Rilla... she can’t let herself have a *moment* like this if there’s anyone else around, but just now, just here, she can pause for a second and maybe sort of hate herself for a second.

[Deep breaths, kiddo, she thinks vaguely. Slow now.]

oh gods. This isn’t Rilla talking to herself, here. Not really. It’s a memory, and it’s one that she would NOT allow herself to think about without this much stress and this many very specific triggers.

[Okay. So. That didn't exactly go well.]

Rilla i fucking love you, any universe any timeline FOREVER. she needs to pull this very casual, very understated quilt over the whole incident before she’ll engage with it. There’s a manic, grim sort of humor to it, and that’s deliberate. It’s something she and Marc have in common: almost aggressive informality and humor as a coping mechanism.

[And she still doesn't have any way to feel like less of a dick about Damien treating her.]

which is, of course, the only reason she went back to see him. of course ;)

[She hadn't even meant to say- any of that, really. She scrubs a hand down her face, sighing. She had meant to make the whole thing completely logical, completely convincing. Her medical expenses are on the dime of the crown, anyway! Damien gives her a number, she sends the bill to the Queen via the quartermaster, Damien gets to fund a few meals and medicines and improvements to his little cottage, and he doesn't need to feel like he's taking something from Rilla in the exchange, even. It's a good idea and Rilla went and-]

Rilla’s not exactly deft with words, especially not when she gets knocked off-guard. It actually is a pretty good idea! She went in with the plan to make it kind of an in-joke, too. She was going to cajole Damien into overcharging. consider it a tip, she wanted to say. Instead she panicked and Damien bullseyed an insecurity of hers and the idea of paying with not-her-money didn’t even COME UP. This version of Rilla is extremely skittish about the idea of being wanted, even a little bit. she spent a long time feeling like she never really would be. for a lot of reasons.

[Fucked it up by basically screaming in Damien's face about how miserable she is to be around.]

Reasons that she has, in the meantime, internalized pretty fucking hard. instead of thinking of her perpetual rejection as something external, societal, she moved the locus of control inward. If she’s unwanted, it’s because she CHOOSES to be unwanted. She’s a knight because she’s damn fucking good at it, not because anyone likes her, and that’s because she doesn’t fucking like them, either.

[Because the only thing, the only thing in her life that Rilla has a handle on-

Is the slaying.]

She’s a knight because she’s damn fucking good at it. She’s so good at it that they can’t deny it. (maybe, possibly, she’s good at it in part because of certain knowledge she once had about, say, anatomy. or the physiology of monsters. or botany and mycology, which are strangely relevant with monsterkind.)

[(Her parents were healers.)

(Rilla earns her way quite differently.)]

Rilla has, so far in this series, staunchly avoided thinking about her parents directly. It’s always about familiar scents, old memories she swerves around, knowledge she half-keeps when it’s useful but can’t bear to think about the origins of. Rilla feels... so, so extremely disconnected from them, at this point in the timeline. And i don’t know if that’s something she even wants to fix, just yet. She’s too angry. She’s not ready. which is why the most they’ve gotten so far is this parenthetical, and a few oblique non-references.

[And. Annoyingly. The pain in her back that spiked when she hauled herself up from Damien's table hasn't exactly calmed down on her rushed little walk back this way. She's fairly certain she can feel the distinct sensation of her bandages dampening with blood. Making this endeavor even more counterproductive than it would have been just on the basis of the screaming match. Or- that isn't even the right term, because Damien never raised his voice back at her. Of course.]

In which Rilla continues to find injury more of an annoyance than something to be truly concerned about. It’s an obstacle, and it makes her vulnerable, both of which she fuckign hates. And this is another thing she thinks that she’s fucked up, in addition to the social tire fire.

[Smug little holier-than-thou-]

projecting anger towards him because it’s easier than admitting anger with herself

[She grits her teeth. Because. She doesn't even really think that, either. It'd be easier if she did.]

ahh, trying at least a little not to lie to herself. Unfortunately, that is progress, for her.

[Rilla sighs, shifts carefully so as not to tug her bandages too much, and puts the bells at her back, aiming herself back towards the barracks.]

She’s just........ honestly, Rilla is so, so fucking tired in this part of the ‘verse. And she is NOT making it easy for anyone to help her, or even for her to help herself.

... there might be some progress with that soon. Hopefully. :)

#i hope this was all!!! good and interesting to read!!!! or something!!!!#elle's fanfic meta #let the roots absorb the pain #relentless #screamingatstars #asks

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limetimo · 3 years ago

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RAB fics i rad this week

Twink by starshipslytherin short and funny, married and growing old together Jegulus feat James' facial hair and Regulus' envy

The Empty Seat by starshipslytherin focus is wolfstar but we get some Regulus & Remus nerding out together!

Regulus Black and the Unruly Offspring by starshipslytherin Regulus lives, has a 3 years old daughter and a crush on (divorced, also a single father) James Potter.

set those ghosts alight by justwhatialwayswanted one of few 'Regulus gets sorted into Gryffindor' fics I really liked! Features Black Brothers being Bros and BAMF Narcissa, just to name a few!

My Life As A Cat by starshipslytherin Regulus is Crookshanks AU!

If I Lose Myself by dukeaubergine okay okAY OKAY LISTEN, my breath is taken, my wig snatched. It's an ABO verse. Somebody in 1600s was messing around and gave magical folks trinary genders; the world building is really neat in this one okay, the rules are simple and very nicely explained. The first work in the series deals with Regulus presenting as an Omega at 15, and his first heat at 16. Then things get darker, and I have never read a fic where Regulus' journey into Voldemort's clutches was more natural or inevitable, and his fight to get out so desperate. I am. In awe of this story. Maybe it just scratched an itch I didn't know I had but. WOW

Power the Dark Lord Knows Not by Fantismal, Jormandugr this one is in my Marked for Later actually but I'll put it in here anyway

The Laments of A Dead Man by StarsOfMari Regulus dies. Regulus is just a boy trying to hang on his family, all of it. idk this work just has a ~feeling~ about it that's hard to capture.

Tides by jimmyjanejams I know I already mentioned this one in a previous post but PIRATES!!! ROYALTY!!! AU!!!

Rewrite the Threads of Fate by prongslette678 - Regulus dies and wakes up in 1976, just as Sirius is having the "I'm leaving and never coming back" fight with Walburga. Regulus dies and wakes up-

Not What He Had In Mind by Llaeyro for Jencala Some fun Jegulus sexy times

Too Close for Comfort by Llaeyro for Jencala Jegulus AND Wolfstar are both trying to have some fun sexy times BUT they're in the same dorms and silencing charms suck.

Ensnared by Llaeyro a smut drabble, Regulus/Lucius

Because at the end of the road, we walk the walk and talk the talk. Together by Duckieland7 Regulus yearns for his estranged brother and makes bad decisions about his love life, much to his friends' consternation.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22211695 Regulus decides he really likes and wants to date one Severus Snape, and what Regulus wants Regulus gets. It's just a constant uphill battle against Severus' poor self-esteem. It's pretty okay. Not my fave but yeah not bad

Severus’ Revenge by Author_Person Uhhhhhhhh so I'm going to admit I had to skip most of the gore in the first half because eugh not my thing. But once I got to Regulus/Severus part, that was pretty nice.

Welcome Distractions by TheMightyFlynn Severus wants to finish his essay. Regulus wants Attention. They agree on a compromise.

It May Be Quite Simple by RoonilWazlibMalfoy It's Valentine's day! Severus might not like the whole lovey dovey thing but he will endure for his boyfriend. After all, he does hate Regulus the least.

Dying Wish by Stara1995 I just. Oh my HEART. This one is a. a punch in the face. My emotions. I did NOT see the ending coming. 10/10 I do recommend.

A[nother] Different Halloween by Knightofni69 - When Harry and Ginny have their true love's kiss... it sets some carefully set up magic in motion. Severus Snape is a one clever bastard.

When two worlds meet by gracegraylove Social media marauders AU, wolfstar, jily and snegulus

Selective blindness by Shadowmun they're friends with benefits... the benefits are 10% sex and 90% emotional PAIN. Regulus POV, very well done.

Maybe I Won't Be Miserable At Best by PrinceLouistheVampire3113 (ThePrince0fDorkness) Just cute, getting together fluff. But because it's Sengulus the flirting is very intellectual :D

Even if I can't by Inexorablement Harry thought he dragged Regulus Black from the lake to 1996 - but nope, it was the other way around. Harry is in 1970s with his godfather's younger brother as his only ally :D I like it! Can't wait where the author takes it.

Is This Living? by Alessgrosskid (thatonegrosskid) Severus Snape accidentally becomes Evan Rosier's sugar baby??? That's it so far but the tags are promising much more lol

Yours For The Taking by A_Local_Marauder only the first chapter is up and the Regulus only just found out about the Locket and departed for the cave, but we're promised time travel, so that's an automatic subscribe from me (because the 110+ unread updates in my mailbox have no power over me)

Throwing Elbows by elicitillicit Regulily at a boot camp! Cute!!!

The Answer to the Prayer I Hadn't Found by Loki_Demon - if Regulus wanted a malleable child maybe he shouldn't have married Lily Evans

Heavy is the Head by Loki_Demon Modern AU! Lily gets cast as Belle in the school's Beauty in the Beast performance. The role of the Beast goes - unexpectedly - to Regulus Black. Pretty great!

For the Record by Emmeebee Regulus and Lily are potions project buddies. They have a rough start, but it is the beginning of something wonderful

The Only Faith We Have (is faith in us) by orphan_account Detectives!AU! James and Lily are assigned to look after Regulus Black, after his betrayal and cooperating with the police is found out, and he is sent to protective custody. Only one chapter out of four is up and I really hope the writer doesn't leave it at that!

Dungeons and Dragons and Doxies by NachoDiablo for WiledWolves 📷 the gang wants to play some DND but James and Sirius can't stop fooling around.

he whole world waiting for you to make a mistake by goodbyechunkylemonmilk :((( Regulus writes to Sirius

got warrants in every city except houston but i still ain't losin by goodbyechunkylemonmilk Snape gets eaten by Lupin the werewolf. James is ride or die, and ride they do. Lily and Regulus work together to shift blame from Sirius and James to Slytherin jerks and save the two idiots form Azkaban.

go home and save what little you have (do you know how to stop disaster?) by goodbyechunkylemonmilk Regulus and Sirius always protect each other. Regulus just hopes James will protect Sirius when he's no longer there.

nostalgia is truly one of the great human weaknesses, second only to the neck by goodbyechunkylemonmilk Regulus picks up his very drunk brother from a bar. Sirius attempts apology pancakes.

i got the heat of a mother hen by goodbyechunkylemonmilk oh man do the Black Brothers have some serious Issues. Sirius drags Regulus to a blind dating event so that he doesn't die alone surrounded only by a hoard of cats. It goes horrible but also surprisingly well...?

Defectors by NachoDiablo 📷 Regulus survives the cave and Kreacher takes him to Hogwarts. Horcrux hunting and bortherly bonding and Jegulily ensues

Nothing Worthwhile Ever Was by Meilan_Firaga for beebeeate could Regulus not fucken die for his loved ones? My heart can't always take it. Regulily

Over Here by Brightki for provocative_envy Regulus gets wasted on a party he didn't want to go to, but he also gets a pretty redhead's number!

Regulus Black vs The Giant Squid AKA how Regulus Black became the Biggest Cockslut by GwenLovesReggie - okay okay. I. This is crack. It's a massive crack fest with lots of cracky smut that's so intentionally bad it made a 180 and became good. There are so many great lines in there I'm crying

the thing is you lied so covincingly that i still believe you by makemelovely non-magical AU. Lily and Regulus are soulmates. But Regulus cannot admit that to his parents. Bitter sweet, read if you want to sit in the shower and stare at the wall and feel sorta sad in a dissociative way

Black Deception by KatAttack325 - Lily survives the Halloween on 1981. She grabs Harry and runs to Sirius' place. It's 4 chapters at this moment and I Need To Know where it goes.

Missing Pieces by orphan_account Lily has a surprisingly nice talk with Regulus Black after James turns out to be, in fact, a dumbass and a twat.

Marks on Our Souls by Taurwen13 Soulmates AU! Regulus' Dark Mark is interfering with both of their soul marks and... yeah, if they don't do something quick they're both going to die. Regulily

#regulus black #fic rec

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miserablesme · 3 years ago

Text

The Les Miserables Changelog Part 2: 1985-1986 West End

Hello, everyone! This is the latest edition in my attempt to chronicle all of the musical and lyrical changes which the show Les Miserables has undergone over the years. Today, we look at the differences between the later of the two available Barbican preview audios (more on that in Part 1) and the West End variant of the musical as it existed in 1986. Only one rather poor quality audio is available of the show's pre-Broadway, post-Barbican form (though a friend of a friend has multiple masters from the era that she apparently keeps meaning to digitize). It is known to come from 1986, but the exact date remains a mystery. As such we cannot know when exactly most of the changes might have been made.

Reportedly (according to The Complete Book of Les Miserables) the majority of these refinements were made between the closing of the Barbican show and the opening of the West End one. However, some further refinements were doubtless made during the Barbican previews, and some likely were made between the opening of the West End production and whenever the audio was recorded. With all that cleared up, let's get started!

As I mentioned in Part 1, the very early Barbican previews of the opening "Work Song" featured this chain of lyrics (no pun intended):

I’ve done no wrong

Sweet Jesus, hear my prayer

Look down, look down

Sweet Jesus doesn’t care

I killed a man

He tried to steal my wife

Look down, look down

She wasn’t worth your life

I know she’ll wait

I know that she’ll be true

Look down, look down

She’s long forgotten you

As has also been established, later previews removed one sequence of lines to create the following exchange:

I’ve done no wrong

Sweet Jesus, hear my prayer

Look down, look down

Sweet Jesus doesn’t care

I killed a man

He tried to steal my wife

Look down, look down

She wasn’t worth your life

However, by 1986 another sequence was removed and the originally removed one was added back then. Thus, the still-current lyrics as of today are as follows:

I’ve done no wrong

Sweet Jesus, hear my prayer

Look down, look down

Sweet Jesus doesn’t care

I know she’ll wait

I know that she’ll be true

Look down, look down

She’s long forgotten you

A much better choice of cuts in my opinion. The point of the opening scene is to present the prisoners sympathetically, as comparatively innocent victims of an overly brutal and elitist police system. Establishing a member of the chain gang as literally being a murderer doesn't really help send that message!

Everything stays the same until "Fantine's Arrest". The Barbican previews feature this sequence:

(FANTINE)

There's a child who sorely needs me

Please monsieur, she's but that high

Holy God! Is there no mercy?

If I go to jail she'll die

(TOWNSPEOPLE[?])

Take this harlot now this minute

Let there be a full report

Let her go back in the morning

Let her answer to the court

(FANTINE)

Gentle Jesus! Won't you save me?

Are there tears enough to cry?

(JAVERT)

It's the same pathetic story

Please monsieur, my child will die!

I have heard such protestations...

By the 1986 recording, everything between "Take this harlot" and "Please monsieur, my child will die!" has been totally removed. I have a bit of a soft spot for that sequence, though I can't earnestly say the musical lost anything by removing it. Indeed Javert comes across as unbelievably heartless there!

As Part 1 pointed out, the earlier Barbican preview had Valjean shout "You know where to find me!" at the end of "Who Am I?", while the later preview did not. The 1986 recording interestingly reinserts that line, but now Valjean speaks it much more casually, without the slightly cheesy passion of the first recording. This makes me wonder whether or not it was initially removed because it was hard to take seriously, and a calmer rendition was reinstated as a compromise? Who knows.

A subtle change occurs at the beginning of the "Confrontation" sequence. During the Barbican previews, the number opens with a few notes being played and then repeated. However, by the 1986 recording the notes do not repeat. It goes straight into Javert's announcement (which Roger Allam has now learned to sing on time!) after the notes play the first time. The sequence would stay this way for quite awhile before being further shortened - more on that in a later edition!

We now go to the subsequent number, Little Cosette's famous "Castle on a Cloud" song. The Barbican previews give her a few lines before the main number starts (sung in a similar tune to her remarks about Mme. Thenardier's arrival at the end of the song):

They’ll come back any minute

And I’m nowhere near finished

Sweeping and scrubbing and polishing the floor

It’s the same every day, oh please!

Don’t let Madame hit me again

I should be used to it, but then

I know a place where nobody has to work too hard

And where I won’t be lonely again

These lines, taken closely from the original French concept album, don't really add much to the number plot-wise that won't be stated later except for more explicit confirmation that Mme. Thenardier is abusive. Perhaps partly for this reason, by the 1986 recording these lines are removed, and after the opening instrumentals it goes straight into the number we all know.

As I previously mentioned in Part 1, the later recording I have of the Barbican previews cut out the following lines during the preamble to Master of the House. I originally mistakenly claimed that the cuts occured after Thenardier's verse, but in actuality that verse too is removed.

(THENARDIER)

My band of soaks, my den of disollutes

My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts

My sons of whores spend their lives in my inn

Homing pigeons homing in

They fly through my doors

And their money's good as yours

(CUSTOMERS)

Ain’t got a clue what he put into his stew

Must’ve scraped it off the street

Hell, what a wine

Châteauneuf de Turpentine

Must’ve pressed it with his feet

Landlord over here

Where’s the bloody man

One more for the road

One more slug of gin

Just one more or my old man is gonna do me in

By the 1986 recording, they are back in all their glory. Indeed, as you can read in Part 1 of this series Trevor Nunn himself has confirmed that the crew decided the number didn't work as well without the full preamble (an exception being, shockingly enough, Cameron Mackintosh).

During the Barbican previews, "Master of the House" was followed by a beautiful Well Scene between Valjean and Little Cosette:

(LITTLE COSETTE)

There is a castle on a cloud

I like to go there in my sleep

Aren’t any floors for me to sweep

(A FEW SECONDS OF INSTRUMENTALS)

(VALJEAN)

Don’t be afraid of me, my dear

Tell me your name and have no fear

How cold it grows when the sun has set

(LITTLE COSETTE)

I’m not afraid

Monsieur, my name’s Cosette

(VALJEAN)

Nor will you be afraid again

I come to take you from this place

There is a better world, you’ll see

(LITTLE COSETTE)

Give me your hand, and walk with me.

This leads into the humming duet between Valjean and Cosette. However, in what I consider the biggest mistake of this era's adjustments, the Well Scene was totally excised from the West End version and "Master of the House" is following directly by the humming duet. Trevor Nunn remarked a degree of regret about this in 1990's The Complete Book of Les Miserables. I don't have the book on hand right now, but I'll put down the exact quote later.

Of course, the Well Scene would later return in a much different form, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Perhaps to compensate for the deleted scene, another scene is added after the "Waltz of Treachery" number. During the Barbican previews, Valjean's "It won't take you too long to forget" is followed by a lot of vamping and eventually a reprise of Valjean and Cosette's humming duet. The West End production slightly reduces the vamping from about one minute to about forty-five seconds, and adds a scene (sung in the tune of "Castle on a Cloud", specifically the "there is a lady all in white" part at first and the main chorus for "Nor will you be afraid again" onwards):

(LITTLE COSETTE)

We're going home right now, monsieur

What is your name

(VALJEAN)

Now my dear

I've names enough, I've got names to spare

But where I go, you always will be there

Nor will you be afraid again

There is a sun that's shining yet

(LITTLE COSETTE)

I'm going to call you my Papa

(VALJEAN)

I'm going to call you my Cosette

The normal humming duet follows. This is a fascinating scene which seems to be exclusive to the brief era after the Barbican previews but before Broadway. It's interesting how it incorporates elements both of the opening Well Scene and of the more well-known later closing scene to the "Waltz of Treachery". It's also intriguing how it incorporates elements not really touched upon this directly in any other version of the musical, specifically just how mysterious and secretive Valjean is to the world in general as well as the fact that Cosette, in fact, is not truly Cosette's given name.

Everything seems to be the same from this point until "The Attack on Rue Plumet". In the Barbican previews, this is how the opening goes:

(EPONINE)

'Parnasse, what are you doing

So far out of our patch?

(MONTPARNASSE)

This house, we're gonna do it!

Rich man, plenty of scratch

You remember he's the bloke wot got away the other day

Got a number on his chest, perhaps a fortune put away

Took off like a guilty man, why would he want to disappear?

Now we're gonna do him right, this time no one will interfere

Everything from "Took off like a guilty man" onwards is removed from the West End version. Later in the number, we hear approximately the following exchange in the Barbican show. Fans have debated what exactly some of the lyrics are, but this is how I hear them:

(CLAQUESOUS)

What a palaver, what an absolute treat

To watch a cat and his father pick a bone in the street

(THENARDIER)

Not a sound out of you

(EPONINE)

What do you care if things scare me

(THENARDIER)

Listen 'Ponine, there might be jewels inside

There could be something for all

There could be bruises enough

You will have your share

(EPONINE)

Well I told you I'd do it, I told you I'd do it

The West End production reduces the vamping prior to this scene. Additionally, everything between "What do you care" and "You will have your share" is removed, meaning the "I told you I'd do it" is a direct remark to "Not a sound out of you". This is a much more linear and succinct way of moving the plot in my humble opinion!

That's it for act one! Act two begins largely the same, up until the scene where Gavroche reveals Javert to be a traitor. First off, Javert's original claim that they will "play their games" is changed to "spoil their games".

Next is probably this version's biggest change in the entire musical up to this point. Originally Gavroche sung approximately the following lines (once again, the recordings aren't as clear as would be desirable) in a unique tune heard nowhere else in the musical:

Good evening, dear inspector, lovely evening my dear!

A charlie for a copper who pays a call

I know who you’re supposed to be, Inspector Javert

Who never showed no mercy to no one at all

So don’t believe a word, none of it will wash

This time you’re reckoned without Gavroche!

The West End version scrapped this sequence and replaced it with "Little People" (which originally appeared in a much longer form later in the musical). This is how it went:

Good evening dear inspector, lovely evening my dear

I know this man, my friends, his name's Inspector Javert

So don't believe a word he says 'cause none of it's true

It only goes to show what little people can do

And little people know, when little people fight

We may look easy picking but we've got some bite

So never kick a dog because he's just a pup

You'd better run for cover when the pup grows up!

This edited placement of "Little People" is often attributed to the original Broadway production, but in fact it made its debut in the West End show. I'm not sure when exactly this was, given that the original cast album uses the long version. However, by the 1986 recording this is how it goes. It should be noted that it's not quite in its Broadway form, however; most notably, "We'll fight like twenty armies and we won't give up!" is not present.

A minor difference occurs during the First Attack sequence. In the Barbican production, this is how the students respond to their victory:

(GRANTAIRE)

By God, we've won the day

(LESGLES)

See how they run away

The West End production swaps the two students' lines, allowing Grantaire's slightly incredulous spirit to have a more poignant and/or amusing effect depending on your perspective.

Consequently given the new placement of the song, the show obviously had to be edited to remove the original "Little People" number. Originally, this is the way the show transitioned between the First Attack and "Little People":

(ENJOLRAS)

Courfeyrac, you take the watch

They won't attack until it's light

Everybody stay awake

We must be ready for the fight

For the final fight

Let no one sleep tonight

(GRANTAIRE)

Only little boys may sleep

For little people need their rest

Little tucks are quickly drained

And little grapes are quickly pressed

Come on little mite

It's time to say goodnight

Cue the original "Little People" number in all of its long, silly glory (in case you somehow don't know it, here are the lyrics). The West End production (and everything afterwards) cuts Grantaire's verse, so that the scene transitions straight from Enjolras' announcement to "Drink with Me". As much as I love the full-length "Little People" number (and I really do love it), I admit removing it was definitely the right choice. It's just so sweet and optimistic, it feels out of place in a musical as tragic and cynical as Les Miserables. It doesn't help that its placement is between a high-stakes action scene and a somber, slightly drunk reflection on the nature of friendships, sex, and romance. It's a wonderful song but a terrible Les Mis song. I do love it, though, and I also love how Grantaire manages to make his pre-song metaphors alcohol-related.

In the sewers, the Barbican recordings feature a unique tune not heard anywhere elsewhere in the musical (it can be heard here) before transitioning to the final Valjean-Javert confrontation. Apparently, this music was accompanied by a short chase scene. However, by the time of the 1986 recording there is instead what is essentially one repeated note which then transitions into an instrumental version of "Look Down". This is followed by the same Valjean-Javert confrontation as before.

And that just about sums this part up! If I missed anything feel free to let me know, as my goal is to create a changelog as thorough and complete as possible. I plan on making more parts in the near future covering all the changes that have been made in the show up until this day (discounting concerts). Any feedback and constructive criticism is very much appreciated.

As a side note, both for this project and my own enjoyment, I want as complete a collection of Les Miserables audios as possible. I already have most of what’s commonly circulated, but if you have any audios or videos you know are rare, I’d love it if you DMed me!

Until the turntable puts me at the forefront again, good-bye…

#les mierables #les mis #les miz #barbican #west end #changelog #history #1985 #1986 #comparison #the les miserables changelog #changes #theatre #musical #part 2

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rjhpandapaws · 3 years ago

Note

Hellloo Panda!! One more ask from me for your lovely 160 follower event. Could we please do the “Party” prompt for canon-verse Allen60?

I wanna read about these two getting together at a DPD houseparty. It could be one of Gavin and Tina’s frat-style ragers or it could be one of Fowler’s awkward dinner party/ wine appreciation sessions - whichever is sillier in your opinion hehehe

Thank youuuu✨✨✨

//I love this idea thank you. Also! You can send as many as you would like

Allen found himself watching Sixty quite often. At the precinct or compound he had the ruse of being his superior and he wanted to be sure Sixty didn’t break or break anything else. Now, at a New Years party for the Station there was no reason to be staring at him. Keeping an eye on him maybe, he had a penchant for getting into trouble and he and Gavin liked to fight, but not staring, not like this. Allen didn’t know Sixty’s thoughts on the matter, but liked to consider them friends. They talked often, and while Sixty’s mind tended to focus on work he would indulge Allen in other conversations as well. It was nice. It didn’t explain the staring though. The one thing he could find to blame it on was the change. He was used to seeing Sixty in his Kevlar or his work blacks. He had never seen him in a suit it was unusual. That wasn’t to say that Sixty wasn’t usually put together. Honestly he almost always was. He was the only person who would come out of a raid without a hair out of place; which he supposed was easy when your hair wasn’t much more than a projection. It was just odd to see him trying Allen supposed. Sixty did what made sense, as all androids tended to do he supposed, and usually that meant staying in his work blacks. When the announcement had said work attire was allowed, Allen had been expecting to see him in those, not a full three piece.

The worst of it though was he had been talking with Jeff, he was the host after all, and then had just stopped dead when Sixty had come in and now he was only half paying attention to what was being said. They had gotten work talk out of the way so he was mostly coasting by on small talk, which probably wasn’t a good plan in the long run. He pulled his eyes away from Sixty and turned his attention back to Jeff; he was not inclined to express how much effort that took; only to find his fellow captain looking at him with a knowing expression. “Your neck would probably have a better night if you went over and actually talked to him you know.” He remarked dryly. “Try as you might, its pretty clear he’s a favorite of yours. Tonight isn’t so much a work function as a social one, talking to him won’t hurt anything. “Jeff, I can’t.” Allen protested, “This is different then at the compound. If he’s branching out finally it would be rude to but in.” “Do it or I will. There are three androids in a building with Gavin, how do you think tonight is going to go?” Jeff said dryly, “I would like it better if one of the events wasn’t a goddamn fist fight.” “So you want me to make a fool of myself to break the tension?” Allen pressed.

“I want you to talk to your friend and maybe circumvent a fight in the process.” Jeff replied, “I never said you had to be honest with him. What you tell him is your business not mine.” “Very helpful Jeff.” Allen remarked, “What I am going to do instead is go outside and have a smoke.” “I thought you quit.” Jeff said as Allen turned for the back deck. “I’m trying to, but it comes and goes.” Allen replied before he stepped outside. He lit his cigarette and leaned back against the house and took a drag as he looked out into the yard. He thought about talking to Sixty, but he didn’t know what to talk about outside of work. Their two weeks always matched up and he didn’t know what Sixty did outside of work, if he did anything at all. It was odd to consider them close without knowing much about him, but someone could only save your life so many times before you felt something, be it a connection or awe. Allen’s issue was that he didn’t know which he was feeling. He knew he enjoyed Sixty’s company, but he didn’t know if it was out of respect or because he liked him on some level more than he should of. At risk of sounding like the android consuming his thoughts, there was just too much unaccounted for to come to a conclusion. Why was it the suit instead of his work blacks that had him questioning this? Was it even the suit, or had that just been the tipping point? He didn’t have answers to any of those and it was infuriating. He should be enjoying the party, not overthinking this, but he couldn’t bring himself to go back inside without some kind of answer to his question.

“So this is where you wandered off to.” Allen startled at the sound of Sixty’s voice. He and Connor sounded very similar, Sixty’s voice just had more of a sarcastic lilt to it than Connor’s did. “I was looking for you.” “The crowd was getting to me and a needed to step out for a bit.” Allen lied, well it wasn’t quite a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. “Captain Fowler said you wanted to talk to me about something?” Sixty continued and Allen wanted to back in there and start a fight himself. “Did he?” Allen took another drag from his cigarette, “And he said it was a private matter as well didn’t he.” “He did.” Sixty agreed and Allen saw him nod out of the corner of his eye, “Are we supposed to be investigating someone? Did I miss the briefing, I know I was late but I didn’t think that two minutes and fifteen sec-” “Its a personal matter Six, you didn’t miss anything.” Allen said before he could spiral out of control. “Have I done something wrong?” He sat down and Allen turned to face him letting out another puff of smoke as he did. “No Six. Jeff is just meddling like he always does.” Allen said, “Part of it is because he delights in seeing me miserable and the other part is that he doesn’t want you and Gavin getting into another fight.” Sixty laughed, “That’s fair. We broke something last time. So what’s bothering you?” “Its not so much that something is bothering me, its more that I’m stuck.” Allen elaborated, not missing the way Sixty looked him over for a moment before it dawned on him that Allen hadn’t meant it literally.

“How do you mean?” He asked, “What is it?” “I’ve been thinking about how I really don’t know anything about you outside of work.” Allen admitted, “I consider us friends, but I don’t really know all that much about you.” “There isn’t that much to know. I live at the compound and if I’m not on my two weeks I’m usually in stasis.” Sixty replied without hesitating, “Sometimes I meet up with Nine Hundred and Connor, but most of the time they would rather be with their detectives. But for what its worth I consider us friends as well.” Allen had a lot to unpack in what Sixty said, but he found himself smiling, “So you just stay at the compound? There’s nothing you would rather go do?” “Its easier if I’m there to respond if I’m needed.” Sixty replied, “Not particularly. All the Station events are for social appearances only, and a lot of your culture seems to have that air of just doing it to be observed about it, and that doesn’t interest me.” “So there’s nothing you’ve been curious about?” Allen pushed. “There are somethings, but I can usually learn them from Nine Hundred or Connor.” He replied, “Though I find there is a pleasant hum in my systems whenever you tell me about what you do on your weeks off rotation.” Allen laughed, “My life is nothing glamorous.” “But that’s exactly it. I am unable to get the same rush of survival that you do from working this job as you do so it’s nice to hear how much you enjoyed marathoning a show or catching up on a book.” Sixty explained, “I don’t have a reason to or a way to enjoy the mundane in that same sense because this job isn’t a risk to me. Its something I only get from you and its nice.”

Allen was staring and he knew it. Maybe Jeff had a point, what happened tonight didn’t have to be official. No one outside of them needed to know. He had also come to the conclusion that the suit had only been the breaking point. What he liked was Sixty, and apparently his mouth decided he needed to know that. “I love that about you, you know.” Silas looked at him for a moment, his LED blinked yellow a few times before he smiled, “You do? Here I thought it was the suit. You were staring at me all night.” Allen became aware of several things at once. One of them the blatant reminder that Silas was a top of the line android, and therefor would know if someone was staring at him. He probably heard Jeff talking to him; and perhaps Allen himself hadn’t been as subtle as he would have liked. “Humans have a tradition of kissing the person they plan to spend the year with correct?” Sixty asked, “Do you think the powers at be would be upset if we did that a little early?” “No.” Allen said with a smile, “I don’t think they will.”

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(Prompt from this list)

#Canonverse short #Allen60 #dbh allen #dbh sixty #dbh fic #dbh #160 follower ask event!#ask panda #panda has all the answers!

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