#but he still admits it directly
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oldestking · 1 year ago
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     /  My god- my love for gil is always present but as i’m sitting once again to hopefully finish watching C.CC (last time I got distracted) it just refreshes me once again just how interesting and unpredictable g.ilgamesh is, yet how at the same time, all that he says still ends up making sense to his character! He really is a character that is difficult to fully box in one slot once you look closer down the rabbit hole that is himself and that is always a delight to see
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#/lit c.cc is a reminder to my portrayal that g.il doesnt really have a decisive 'pattern' of action#/like;; when you think about it closely; he really is unpredictable#ITS LIKE;; i keep going from 'oh he would absolutely k_ll this person for saying that to him' and then i get proved wrong#and it turns out he finds it amusing instead and decides to forgive x person for their 'insolence'#or him straight up admitting that he is not at his prime;; u would think that someone as prideful as g.il would never admit something like#weakness; but it happens to be the contrary; he is fully aware of his limitations and even makes fun of it#(albeit in a rather derogative manner with h.akuno)#but he still admits it directly#or him complaining about resting in a c.lassroom mockup and calling it cheap and etc#but rejoicing at the same time over the experience and calling it as one of the pleasures of traveling#its just;;a bunch of things that surprise you at each turn#when u think u have g.il figured out; he jumps with something unpredictable that at the  same time makes a lot of sense to his character#that's something i've always found interesting but its by retaking c.cc once again that it reminds me of that again#he is as how h.akuno said; majestic#majestic in a way that is not just related to gold or wealth but#majestic in the sense that he has an absolute sense of value that nothing can knock down#also for context; the pic is the response of deciding to run away bc the enemies they were gonna face were logically stronger than them
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dykedvonte · 2 months ago
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Curly not immediately punishing Jimmy for assaulting Anya is something I don’t think a lot of people are viewing in the complex context for Curly as the superior to both of them and closest confidante they had.
Like I am in no way saying he didn’t under react or fail Anya by not being harsh or direct with Jimmy but it really is the case that he really couldn’t. Imagine being stuck in such a confined space with very little areas to genuinely hold someone if they commit a crime. It’s not like this was an event that occurred before they departed or that they have easy communication with The Pony Express to ask for how to proceed when something like this arises. Not to mention, Jimmy’s relative power in relation to Anya as the co-pilot and second in command, he has the knowledge and access to do something to her had Curly directly punished him in this setting.
They were also Curly’s friends. It’s not just the case of him mediating something between his subordinates but people he is personally invested in don’t want to see spiral further in Anya’s case while also not wanting believe his friend go that bad in Jimmy’s actions. They were both suicidal and Curly putting Jimmy’s stability first is both out of bias but also the fact he’s aware at some level Jimmy is a danger to himself and others if not constantly placated. Combined with the fact he was in denial or just not piecing together what Anya said it’s hard to say what he buying time for and what he had treat as urgent. This isn’t even saying he doesn’t care about Anya but he’s not going jump to the worst conclusions about his friends even if part of him acknowledges the evidence saying so. It’s a complicated thing but he’s still human and needed to process it on top of trying to keep a ship that already took on a lot of water from further sinking, metaphorically.
I just personally think that while Curly failed Anya, it was a scenario where there wasn’t much he could do to the best thing by her safely and like Jimmy, we are underestimating what a good leader would do in a very fragile and tense situation like he was in. By the time he may have been ready and had a plan, things were much too late.
#like in my one Anya still respected Curly after he didn’t punish Jimmy so I assume he still respected her or reassured her he’d do something#it just was never enough because sadly Jimmy just needed to be removed from the ship and that’s not possible#cause no matter what Jimmy was going to do something stupid to fix it and Curly had to be thinking of a way to avoid that but also trying to#play the subjective role of friend and objective role of captain with two of the people he is currently closest with#not to mention how he’s a big picture guy and it’s not an excuse but those little detail and subtle behaviors are probably lost if the big#picture looks fine still and he admits he’d drive himself crazy trying to look for it#like weirdly Curlys character is only seen through the people he tried to protect and we judge him on his failures but we don’t get too much#on his insights directly as Jimmy is unreliable and he tries hard to be gentle with Anya#personal note is I don’t think Curly underplaying Anya’s trauma is a guy code protecting my bud thing but more a flaw in his personal#character in where he just wants everything and everyone to be ok in the end and taking responsibility that isn’t his to bare like he can’t#make up for what Jimmy did but he tried and that’s the problem really cause he’s just used to actually fixing it for him and it’s the case#this is the one thing he really couldn’t like I think he’s a good guy but he’s trapped in his and a bunch of other peoples worse moments#anya mouthwashing#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing curly#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing anya#jimmy mouthwashing#captain curly#nurse Anya#mouthwashing spoilers#rape tw#suicide tw#also last thought is how he like also was being emotionally drained by Jimmy constantly like Anya and his relationship with Jimmy parallel#each other in such a way that both him and Anya warily follow the words of the others abuser because they fear the physical or emotional#repercussions if they don’t like her not being able to really tell curly what happened and then curly not being able to do the same and how#jimmy assaults and dehumanizes both when they are no longer a service to him like god they are more adjacent than Jimmy and Curly like Curly#messed up in a already messy pile Jimmy mad it into a dumpster fire in a landfill they are not the same
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fatedroses · 5 months ago
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I draw a sketch to simply offer my own personal little headcanon and theory that Zenos was the only other descendant Emet got close to (knowing him probably unintentionally) besides Lucius.
Obviously we never see them interact directly, but several little worldbuilding tidbits do make me ponder about certain things, like the possibility lorewise that it could've been Emet that named Zenos, and the fact that they share certain habits and potentially interests.
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tequiilasunriise · 1 year ago
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When Steph and Cass get married they don’t take the last name Brown (Daddy Issues™️) or Cain (Daddy Issues Prime™️) or even Wayne (Steph absolutely REFUSES to become a Wayne nosirree), but a secret fourth thing (Gordan).
#BARBRA GORDON IS CASS’ MAMA AND TO AN EXTEND STEPH’S TOO OKAY#yes Steph still has Crystal but yall can NOT tell me she didnt lowkey look up to Babs as a secondary mom figure#the only one who is in on the jig is Kate bc shes officating the whole thing bc DUH and the way she fucken WHEEZZEEDDD when Steph explained#the way Kate would stand at the podium and anounce with such a smug grin#looking DIRECTLY at Bruce#‘I pronounce you…. MRS STEPHANIE AND MRS CASSANDRA GORDAN!’#the sheer fucken UPROARRRR#Steph LAUNCHES herself into Cass’ arms and kisses her senselessly as her now wife effortlessly carries her in a bridal carry#babs takes a second to process before instantly losing her NIND bc oh these crazy kids did NOT no no shes not crying#(she is. she so is. her date Dinah is handing her a hankerchief)#the batbros minus dami are hollering and cheering bc YEAHHHH STICK TO THE MANNNN#dami himself is dismissive and muttering about how could anyone throw away the wayne name like this#(on the inside he actually thinks this is pretty funny and must admit Barbra’s last name is a worthy rival to the Wayne name)#Bruce. Bruce is stunned. shell shocked. this girldad just lost his fav kid his princess#Jim is just having a damn good time bro is clapping Bruce on the back and having a good laugh over it all#also does this mean he has two honorary grandkids? no? well suck it bruce theyre my grandkids now#the other gothmanites who were invited like the birds of pret or the gotham city sirens are also all clowning on Brucie Boy#dc#stephcass#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#batfam
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speedofsoundsketches · 2 months ago
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Oh, it turns out Ian flynn worked on the Shadow animated shorts, he did a pretty good job consider he doesn't always get Shadow right in idw
I'm aware. With the amount of #knowingsmiles posted during the initial announcements, it's hard to not know he was involved.
He also wrote the Knuckles short in Frontiers which I also really liked but I attribute that being thanks mostly for having to work under Tyson Hesse's direction.
Shadow being ok in these shorts happened thanks to Sonic Team giving a LOT more direction and scrutiny on the scripts since it's held to a much higher standard as part of the games than Flynn was for IDW. (which still didn't stop him from inserting some of his fanfiction sourced flynnisms but what it do)
One hopes that this closer work relationship with Sonic Team will teach him how to properly write these characters and internalize the art of writing Sonic Stories in the future. I have my doubts tho since some of the writing in the shorts IS still pretty contrived (wouldn't be on brand for him if it wasn't) and ignores established lore to make the plot make sense like Shadow not warping directly into the Space Ark as he's done before. But nope, we gotta have big fight sequences so let's raid a base for a shuttle he doesn't need!
And I say this as someone who enjoyed it overall and thought the fight scenes were hype. But I'd like fight scenes to have thought behind the spectacle, not without.
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sysig · 1 year ago
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Wouldn’t want him getting lost now, would we (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#ZEX#The Captain#DAX#Me quietly while watching Muppet Treasure Island: Don't | My brain: Haha anyway- ♪#I don't even have to reread! My brain just does this nonsense! It's still Right There at the forefront of my mind#At this rate I'll have to go pick up Treasure Island from the library *shakes fist* Stevensonnnnnnnnnnn#I will admit that the itch to reread has been growing but mmmmn I've got fics to vet for printing! And that one's technically unfinished!#I mean I might break soon lol but mmmmnnnnn!#Same thing when I was in a Treasure Planet mood years(?! how has it been that long and I still haven't rewatched!) ago#Anyway yes these were inspired by rewatching Muppet Treasure Island lol - it's just one interpretation after the other!#If you happen to go seeking out Professional Pirate you might recognize the second shot as when Jim has been kidnapped by the pirates#I kinda just interpolated from there lol#Same vibe as the set I made a while ago of ZEX piercing the Captain - there's just Something So about ZEX leaving a mark on him!#Not directly altering him (at least more than skin-deep haha) but decorating him! Dressing him up! There's Something about that#Like a living museum - how much does ZEX project onto the Captain? There's a lot of weird vibes around them <3#He wants A Human and he has His Human but hmmm ♪#Well for the time being that's his only human - and seeing as he's collared but without a leash in the last one he's not running away!#It's progress haha#Hhhh drawing the Captain in pirate garb really is one of my favourites <3 I had so much fun the first times around and it's still fun!#His hair is for some reason I cannot explain easier to draw in this setting - there is no explanation I can think of but it is! Why fight it#ZEX is also very fun to draw in pirate gear haha ♫ I really think it's one of his handsomest interpretations#I always think he's pretty! But something about the pirate aesthetic adds to his masculinity? :0#He's still a swishy pirate hehe ♥ Maybe it's the open chest on his tunic haha I just think he's very handsome!
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graveyardcuddles · 10 months ago
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I definitely don't see this take AS much as I used to anymore but I do think us Astarion fans need to remember that not EVERY single instance of him being cruel or uncaring is a direct result of his trauma.
Like no offense but I don't think he approves of you flinging Barcus Wroot from the heights like a discus because he was in his trauma or whatever I think he just genuinely found that shit hilarious.
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entering--hyperspace · 3 months ago
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Cannot imagine whatever is going on through Mr Leonard Echowatcher's head. You spend your life yearning for a world where you lived differently, where the day wasnt soaked in war, blood, and battle. Where you could envision a future where you have a partner and a family with friends to live gracefully with. But then you are given such opportunities only to find you were never taught to be gentle, you have a gentle, empathetic nature and yet the physicality of it is a stranger to you. You are expected to raise a child with gentle hands so that she saves the world, What does that even mean? How can you accept your growing love for your friend when you were never taught how to love, that intimate love is a luxury best left forgotten, there are no need for such things in war. He has to learn to become the things he wanted bc he grew too old to develop it naturally. He becomes a father to taimi fumbling his way into learning how to care and parent, he is defensive of Aurene bc he is from a culture where they arent expected to raise their own young and yet has to do so with a dragon. It feels like a test, He has to prove both to others and to himself he is capable of being a father, of nuturing, that calloused, stained hands can still be gentle. He has to accept that love is a terrifying leap of faith in vulnerability in order to gain a partnership that is considered a rarity. I love the idea that he spent 30 years yearning for things he thought he would never have and when he is actually given those opportunities (albeit admittedly through unusual circumstances) he has to learn how to actually live in them, becuase they were always just Concepts until now. Ohhhh my god Mr. Leo you are my everything
#rambling about my guy at 3am#its so so sos so important to leo's lore that he wishes he had freedom from the legions while still being inherently loyal to them bc he#cannot break the loyalty that is so fervent in his culture's belief so he doesnt leave and instead tries to be the change he wants to see#in savoring life and preventing reckless deaths and maybe one day allowing for more connections between the charr re their relationships#while also battling with the fact now that he has these chances hes not actually prepared for him#hes defensive about Aurene and he takes a while to admit his feelings for rytlock because of these#does this makes sense me shaking the camera do you see my vision he makes me insane#hes so tired hes sooooo tired but theres this constant weight on him at all times its just not a world ending one but a personal one#javi gw2#leonard echowatcher#this isnt even ABOUT being diallusioned with how the legions disregard lige and treat their soldiers as a numbers game bc thats an entire#different problem this is just abt his more personal struggles.#god i remember describing all his interactions with rytlock (intimacy wise) were all very passionate bc he didnt know how to allow himself#to be vulnerable and gentle#or rather hes scared to be bc its not natural to him#so when they see each other again and leo IS more gentle with him in private that is a huuuge deal#also im definitely not conflating romantic and platonic relationships bc those can be just as important#so im directly speaking about more intimate relationships or regarding whatever leo viewed himself wanting#which was like a partner and a family#sound the alarm this hardened soldier secretly dreams of a domestic fantasy he will never have#is esentially what it is#leo was made to be bbq dad who cleans gravestones and plants flowers for the feceased and is forced into [the entire plot of gw2]#sorry im rambling okay bye
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moe-broey · 13 days ago
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FUCK RECENT BOOK JUST ENDED?!?!???!!
#i have been away too long. WEIRD ass position to be in.#constantly obsessing over my interest but getting scared to interact w it outside of the mind palace#gguuuhhh..... the... ISSUES....... why do i have so many of them...#I NEVER EVEN FULLY FINISHED SEIDER'S BOOK. i was scared of disappointment and scared of an ending#ugh .. but i am... so invested in ratatoskr... alfonse's insane dynamic w her. even if we don't see more of it#like. just the fact that we got That Scene. gave me enough of alfonse's character to work w for A LIFE TIME.#like to me. it can DIRECTLY translate to how he theoretically has been w sharena growing up.#and it still drives me so insane that alfonse has no personal attachment to ratatoskr and is (EVEN SELF ADMITTED!)#using her to his own ends. BUT. BUT. he's still so fucking good to her??? respecting her autonomy#again even if that WAS to win her over. like he was So good about it. IDK IDK IT'S THAT MIXTURE#of an act being purely practical and even self-serving. but he's honest and kind about it.#and ultimately it's on her if she wants to accept that under the given conditions/expectations.#and then ofc the Scheming. alfonse's METICULOUS ride or die act. ratatoskr made the informed choice to trust him#AND BOY HOWDY. WHAT THE FUCK. SIR. i KNOW you have your reasons and all of this is a means to an end#AND THAT'S WHAT DRIVES ME EVEN MORE INSANE. give him a compelling enough reason not just personal practical too#and even if he met you like yesterday. or maybe generously. maybe a week has passed.#this guy is both READY and WILLING. to put his life on the line for you. GOD.#uhghhhh... maybe i should actually play feh.........
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chiistarri · 5 days ago
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need 2 isolate myself and unfriend everyone #asap
#this guy who is still my friend i guess annoys me and ive been avoiding him and he confronted me and cried yesterday and i felt bad but more#ab the situation than our friendship because he puts himself into places without friends by being judgy and rude and wondering why ppl dont#wanna stick around him idk. i guess we're still cool but he clings onto me and its really annoying bc i want him to stop but i dont want to#be rude and hes just getting on my nerves and ik its bad to be like annoyed w ur friends but i literally just .our energies dont match and#its so exhausting to be near him so i need to do the right thing and tell him the truth and let him decide if he wants to cling on more or#not but i already did that tbh yesterday like. i told him i genuinely dont have the energy to match his and he asked 'when can we go back to#being normal' ?? i just said i felt better and comfortable being more alone and off than w him cant he stop. do i need to break his heart#hes really intelligent and hes able to tell these signs so idk why hes so hellbent on being stuck on me when ive literally said he tires me#cant he leave me alone. i already feel bad enough for feeling this way but last yr i didnt get to have any other friends irl bc he would#just cling on and drag or follow me and i barely had time to spend with anyone else and im stuck in a club i dont care for now bc he kept#pushing. like two or three of then actually idk why he cant just understand i dont want this nor any codependency w him anymore when ivebeen#like telling him already#sorry i have tutoring soon but im exhausted and feel horrible but whatever ill be fine etc i just need him to stop#on a brighter note. idk. im going to disney soon#post#vent#to delete#my lover please come home . only person i can admit my feelings directly to !. not on a vague tumblr post lmfao#/nbh btw obv bc why would i post it if it was#i need to play genshin kaedehara kazuha save me please give me a big fat kiss now
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strawberrysapphocake · 1 year ago
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Please, production, give the people what they want (VETO SPEECHES), I'm literally begging here.
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neathbound-fiends · 10 months ago
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copy pasting from DMs and expanding on this a little actually
Thinking abt the fact that Elliott is an unreliable narrator and will just outright lie about things about himself, or twist them so severely that they threaten to break in order to be palatable and not say anything he thinks people won't want to hear. Man who spent a lot of years lying about his family, and upbringing, and sexuality, all because none of it was something someone else would want to hear and he doesn't want to be seen as broken, or a bummer, or to speak ill of the dead. It's better to mangle the truth until it fits whatever narrative you want to spin than it is to say something that's going to horrify someone
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dreamofbecoming · 1 year ago
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i feel like we as a fandom don’t talk enough about the fact that steve’s redemption arc had nothing to do with the upside down
like, yes, he grows pretty steadily as a person over the course of the entire show, and yes, his relationships with dustin and robin specifically are a big part of that growth and both those relationships are rooted in UD shenanigans, but that isn’t where it started. and it wasn’t nancy either
he has that whole speech in s4 about how he needs to get conked on the head to start moving in the right direction, and maybe that’s true to an extent, but the wallop he got wasn’t “monsters are real” and it wasn’t “ough pretty girl,” it was him, completely on his own, wanting to change
because the death of king steve is 100% a choice steve makes, voluntarily, before he knows about the UD, totally separate from his desire to be with nancy. he realizes fully independently that he isn’t proud of being a bully and he wants to do better. that’s entirely steve deciding that for himself
he goes to jonathan first. he doesn’t apologize to nancy first, he’s not trying to get back on her good side, he’s not trying to get ahead of any story and convince her to take him back. he still even actively thinks jonathan is sleeping with her, at this point
he has every logical reason to believe that jonathan 1) violated him sexually (and publicly!) and 2) fucked his girlfriend. he has every reason to think his girlfriend cheated on him! his anger with jonathan (and nancy!) is, from steve’s pov, given the information he has, completely justified, and steve still, with no reason at all to like jonathan or forgive nancy, with no reason to go against tommy and carol (given that they’re his lifelong best friends and have seemingly just been proven right about hating his gf), decides completely independently that the things he said to jonathan were out of line
he has literally no reason to be kind to this dude, and he’s working against a pretty engrained habit of teenage cruelty, and he still makes that call all by himself. for no other reason than that his conscience demands it. that’s an astonishingly humble and selfless act from any 17 year old, but especially one who was raised on money and popularity and has no real reason to go against that upbringing (and has never done so before!). the moral fortitude that takes is incredible
i couldn’t have made that apology at 17, i was way too caught up in myself and far too scared of feeling any kind of shame or social consequences. i would have focused on the things that fueled my anger, that made me feel justified. i wouldn’t have been capable of seriously reflecting on the ways i might be in the wrong. but steve does. he makes that call completely unprompted. he chooses to not only acknowledge that what he said to jonathan was fucked up, as was what he and tommy did to nancy (even when, again, his anger, if not his actions, was fully justified), but to apologize to jonathan first (risking him convincing nancy that steve isn’t worth forgiving, and he still thinks this is the guy fucking his girlfriend, and this is the guy who never apologized for the creepshots!) and to abandon his social safety net to do it (horrifically difficult to do at that age)
and then the poor guy gets attacked by a monster and the first thing he does is save the asshole who took naked pics of him and basically risked showing the whole school, and the girlfriend he has every reason to believe is fucking him.
steve harrington is a fucking saint and we don’t talk about it enough.
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joelletwo · 11 months ago
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Chi Nan looked at You Yu and waited for an answer.
You Yu restarted the car and drove on the road in an orderly manner, the corners of his lips raised indistinctly. “If they call this emotion ‘like’ then it is so.”
“So you like me?” Chi Nan turned to look at him for a moment.
You Yu seriously thought about it for a moment before smiling. “I like you.”
Gwah. I have more fun w them and the. Growth of their relationship than with anyone ever i think. Sorry i never do justice to fun dynamics w phone lbs kcjdj the only posts i have patience to make are when im screaming too much to keep reading
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yuridovewing · 11 months ago
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Disclaimer: I personally have not finished TBC beyond the first book. I did finish AVOS and its back half is considered poor quality for a reason. If you aren't having fun now I can tell you right now you wouldnt enjoy the rest. At most I think (iirc) the last book is important bc it establishes Juniperclaw attacking SkyClan, and Shadowsight getting a vision to swim in the flooded lake to 'unite' the clans- both of which are relevant to TBC in some way. But even then you could probably skim to the rrlevant parts, IDK.
i'll be real when i made that post last night it was kind of out of sarcasm and pettiness, like i do think im still gonna read those last three books and skim the boring parts at the very least, but that's on me cause now when i look at the post it does come across as very whiny and serious so that's on me lmao. (and i was kinda whiny at the moment cause i always forget about how mean spirited these books are.)
buuuuut hearing what people are saying, it does make me feel a bit better for skimming the back half of avos cause i think thats what i'm gonna have to do for sanity's sake if i want to catch up. i do want to give quotes and takes that are really backed up by the books and not secondhand info so i will try to keep to it but i think if i'm gonna read about thunderclan being shitty to twigpaw then im gonna start skimming cause like, we all know they were shitty to twigpaw now, it was uncomfortable when she was a kid and its uncomfortable still now that she's an adult. you don't need to see that backed up once again.
#i really cant emphasize enough that while i like the petty melodrama i can get out of these books#some of it is really just... exhausting. especially under the new team cause i got the WORST impression of them#ill pay close attention to scenes like briarlight's death and how they regard it and see if twigpaw's treatment improves#but like the main thing abt these books that doesnt hold up is that theyre just... kinda miserable#no one learns anything and any attempt at deconstructing the clans' violence is thrown out with ''but they meant well!''#newsflash! intent doesnt always matter! actions speak louder than words!#and its especially difficult in avos cause while i dont like alderheart. no one here is treated well#i mean i think alder is treated better by the narrative compared to spark but hes gotta deal with his (lbr) emotionally abusive mentor#and the narrative twisting itself backwards to make him a victim and no one agrees with him. and i like underdog protags#but it feels so contrived and mean here. the journey cats all turning on him and demeaning him and twigpaw is so weird#it feels forced and unnecessary. woven for some drawn out conflict so he can be a victim and ooooo doesnt his sister suuuuck#and thats not even touching on the actual shit twig and violet go through. which while its kinda better its still a slog#cause at the end of the day they look directly at the camera and go ''remember! thunderclan did nothing wrong!''#theyll only admit shadowclan is wrong which is ok cause theyre the evil and pathetic clan we're supposed to hate i guess#and the ultimate conclusion is not that the clans were disgusting for treating children that way.#its that they were mistaken all along cause they were CLANBORN children all along! and now we gotta prove skyclan is a valid clan#cause if thats not a valid clan then theyre not valid cats!#and isnt that just. so much worse of a conclusion? that even after darktail was born out of the clans dismissing and mistreating outsiders#theyre not even entertaining the idea that the way they treat cats like him violet and twig isnt okay?#nope! they actually kinda call attention to it in book 3 when darktail says he and violet are alike#and its supposed to be him being wrong and manipulative and gross rather than anything meaningful#avos liveread#mail#idk. sometimes i do regret deciding to catch up cause avos is just a miserable experience so far
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serpentinegraphite · 7 months ago
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In show and in the audience, it's made clear that Shuro was being kind of a jerk here! And minor spoilers for the trajectory of his character, but part of his arc is realizing and accepting that this behavior wasn't kind or fair.
I think this is a reasonable and common fear for ND folk, but it's also I think very worth remembering that if someone does do this... Just freaks out because you weren't picking up on their "obvious" communication, then they weren't actually being very clear, were they?
Treating someone rudely just to avoid directly communicating "hey, I want some space, actually, to hang out without you" isn't fair or reasonable or kind. And dungeon meshi is a series that knows that.
I've been feeling really stressed because of this scene.
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This is my biggest fear. The idea that the people you think of as friends only barely tolerate you, and you're just too dense to pick up on it. And it would be my own fault for not being more socially aware.
I'm too conscious of the fact that I would *not* pick up on social cues like this. How many people talk about me like this when I'm not around? How many people would gladly be rid of me? The fear of this possibility consumes me. It regularly has me afraid to reach out to anyone. It causes me to isolate myself. I'm not sure more socially capable people could ever understand the horror of this. I can't get it off my mind.
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