#but he absolutely excelled here
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With all the lovely @sammaggs meta for Burning Down the House being posted, it made me realize how damn good of a job pg and the team did with that episode. I obviously adored it before, best character introduction ever if I'm honest, but seeing the effort they took to make RayK have moments similar to RayV, even nearly the same dialogue but behaving slightly off. It's just like how Fraser must've felt! He knew it wasn't Ray Vecchio, but RayK acts like him just enough in this first meetup that you're second guessing yourself. Is he a replacement to RayV only? Is this a new character???
And on top of all that you notice how Fraser becomes far more intrigued when RayK has his own moments. The moments where he's not pretending to be Ray Vecchio but wholly himself. I'm thinking of the 'electricity. your tongue. not a good mix' exchange. The classic moment where he tells Fraser to let him think after all this frenetic movements and Fraser leans in. How Ray was a little shit after he got shot.
Just... I love that episode so much. The writers did so well with that one, I could watch it a million times.
#due south#burning down the house#beanz rambles#I'm sorry but it's so good#we give pg a hard time with all the queen's horses#but he absolutely excelled here#not to mention this man had benton fraser in his grasp#and knew all along that this character was queer#like you get rayv calling him in the beginning like they're breaking up#and then he's over there being attracted to rayk
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https://www.tumblr.com/bluesodatab/735439636556627968
Machete and Vasco love child?
(Source)
#yeah actually#that's strikingly close how I'd imagine it as well#if you blended their designs together you might get something like this#the thing is Machete has albinism#if he had actual offspring and they didn't inherit the condition his children would have normal pigmentation#and the colors of his parents and brothers are mostly shades of black dark brown rust and fallow#with a little bit of lighter markings here and there#so the palette you'd be working with would be significantly darker instead of all white#answered#anonymous#absolutely gorgeous dog by the way#excellent ears#and that mask!
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Fluent Freshman - Part 19
PREVIOUS
There’s a couple things about FF that might be good to know at this point.
1. There are few things in the world he hates doing more than asking for clarification or admitting he doesn’t understand / know something. The thought of going up to someone and admitting that he hasn’t perfectly comprehended the situation upon the first explanation is something makes his stomach twist like he’d just eaten Mango-Habanero ice cream.
He has figured out his own math theorems in the pursuit of not having to ask the math teacher to explain he doesn’t understand. He got lost in an Ikea once for over 6 grueling hours where he considered making a home there and living among the display rooms until his grandma grabbed him by the ear and dragged him to safety (the food court) and let him regain his strength (eat Swedish meatballs). He, to this day, is not sure about one of his foreign language friend’s names (how embarrassing he just keeps waiting for someone else to say it but they go by some insane nickname).
So he has become a master of piecing shit together on his own. He sometimes gets it wrong (Andrew, god how embarrassing) but for the most part 8 times out of 10 he can get to the right answer if he just has a couple pieces to work with. No one had ever actually explained to him how Exy works and he was too embarrassed to ask after the third week of practice in middle school so he just pieced together what he was and was not allowed to do through the art of trial and error. He’s even mostly pieced out the rules for the other positions.
So with the information he has gotten through people being bound and determined to talk in foreign languages in front of him he has an idea about the tenuous situation some of the older Foxes find themselves in.
He’s heard Kevin Day and Jean Moreau talk in French.
He’s heard that the anxiety in both of their voices as they talked about their futures and owing 80% of their salaries to the ‘Moriyamas’ and how nervous they were about getting on professional teams or else they’d be killed.
Captain Neil and Andrew are not always using Russian to talk dirty.
He’s heard Andrew soothe Captain Neil’s worries about playing for a professional team. He’s heard Captain Neil mention that at least ‘Ichirou’ would likely just kill him and not make a game out of it like his father did.
Organized Crime might have more to do with Exy than FF had originally thought.
(He had thought it. Plenty of times he had thought it but his Gran had warned him that he was overthinking things. That he wasn’t playing a sport invented by the Mafia. That he had caffeinated coffee instead of decaf. “It’s going to be okay sweetie. Just take a deep breath.”)
This leads into the second thing you should know at this point.
2. Before he had signed with Wymack he had known the broad strokes of Captain Neil’s life. There had been a lot of news articles about it and Gran (bless her) loved trashy gossip magazines.
After he had signed with the Foxes he had done a bit of a deep dive on as many of their controversies as he could find. There’d been things from brawls on the court (worrying), player overdoses (concerning), a straight up MURDER (Oh god), and the very public breaking of the King of Exy’s arm resulting in his suicide (Warranted, that wacko was going to take off Captain Neil’s HEAD.)
But the thing that had made him actually a little bit, dare he admit, excited to go to Palmetto was the fact that Captain Neil was there.
For someone who froze for almost a decade, who just took it and didn’t have the balls to even react? Neil Josten is an inspiration.
This is someone who got away, who lived a life completely unlike FF’s, someone who knew how to run and more impressively someone who learned how to FIGHT. Captain Neil was being hunted but he still ripped people to shreds in interviews. Captain Neil was probably more scared of the Butcher than FF had been of anything in his entire life but Captain Neil was way braver than FF could ever hope to be.
Captain Neil was taken and tortured but he still fought. FF had seen the scars and Captain Neil is right to wear them proudly (though based on some conversations he has unfortunately overheard he is sure Andrew may have a role in Neil’s positive feelings about them).
FF had thought that he was being lead to his death down in a basement of a club (Don’t cringe. Don’t cringe. Don’t cringe. Don’t-) and he just trailed right behind the two of them without even an illusion of a fight.
Neil Abram Josten was a bit of a personal hero.
He’s proud to call him Captain Neil. He wishes Andrew hadn’t been there when Greg had mentioned wanting autographs because FF wants an autograph from Captain Neil but now Andrew has probably mentioned it to Neil.
Long story short, FF had looked into a lot of details on Captain Neil’s case.
Including two of the Butcher’s top men who were still on the loose.
Romero Malcolm and Jackson Plank.
He keeps his presence low but no matter how many times he blinks the man grumbling in Italian next to him continues to be Romero Malcolm.
Moreover Romero Malcolm continues to grumble about the fact that he is having a hard time finding ‘Nathaniel’ and that he’ll have to grab one of ‘The Wesninski brat’s friends’ to draw him out.
FF is a recently confirmed friend of Captain Neil.
FF who is standing next to this man, with his dick out, and trying to remain as invisible as possible.
After two shakes (Yes he was watching but only because he had to! He wonders briefly if he goes to the FBI if they would accept a description of Romero Malcolm’s penis for the wanted poster? Probably not but it is BURNED into his retinas.)
He watches as Romero tucks, zips, and then bypasses the sink entirely.
FF shivers at how unhygienic that is. Who RAISED him?
The door shuts and FF needs to get out of here ASAP but his hands are shaking with the sudden adrenaline of ’One of the FBI’s Most Wanted just took a piss next to me and is looking for me friend’. He pulls his phone from his pocket and ducks into one of the stalls. Even if there’s no door it’ll at least FEEL a little safer, a little more private. He needs to warn Neil, Warn Andrew, and warn-
The door to the bathroom SLAMS open and music blares in (palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy-) and his phone slips out of his hands and into the toilet. There are footsteps coming towards him and FF digs deep.
He’s in ultra stealth mode. He is the wall behind the wallpaper. Mantis shrimp can only dream of the color he becomes, the United States military have the CIA on the look out for him because he’s fallen off all conventional forms of radar and tracking.
He is a bargain fruit platter on a dessert table at a kid’s birthday party.
He is ULTRA stealth.
Romero’s gaze glides over him.
Then the man leaves (STILL DID NOT WASH HIS HANDS).
His heart is hammering in his chest but he manages to reach down and grab his phone. Well, Coach Wymack had gotten the extended warranty at least. (“Do you know what these fuckers do to phones? Josten crushed his last year in a fight with the Baseball team captain.”)
His phone’s extended dip into the toilet water had not done it any favors in working properly.
Well fuck.
He wipes his phone down the best he can. He wipes his phone down with some toilet paper before cramming it into his pocket (Sorry Nicky, he’ll wash the toilet water pants if they survive).
He sees a flyer on the wall of the bathroom and starts to think of a plan.
He rushes out of the bathroom (he still washes his hands because he will not have something in common with a man on the FBI’s most wanted list and he just dipped his hand into a CLUB TOILET) and clocks Nicky’s wild arm movements and WORSE clocks Romero just 10 clubbers away.
He sees Romero’s eyes lock onto Nicky and a smile that terrifies him.
He’s out of Ultra Stealth Mode even if every atom in his body wants to run.
He is so stressed and panicked that he has gone beyond his body’s ability to process that so all that is left is determination. He’s got a head full of a half-baked plan, a hand going to his pocket, a second hand on the only ‘weapon’ he has on him, and a stomach full of acid.
He’s pulling his phone out of his pocket before he can really let himself think about it and walking up next to where Romero is standing. He holds his toilet water phone up to his ear and does the one weird social anxiety thing that he had never done before.
He pretends to be on a phone call.
“Hey Captain Neil,” he says and in the corner of his eye he can see Romero’s gaze shift from Nicky (surrounded by an adoring public, covered in sweat and therefore difficult to grab - a difficult target) to himself (alone, shorter, and probably looking like he’s about to pass out). “Yeah I think I’m going to take a break outside after I grab quick drink and then a water at the bar.” He says because he has to be the easier target and he has to go to the bar. “Yeah, yeah, okay I’ll mention it to that bartender guy.” He says and pretends to hang up.
He turns and he walks towards the bar and feels his pulse in his throat go to the beat of the music (success is my only motherfucking option, failure’s not).
He only knows about the alley because in the car ride to Sweetie’s Nicky had mentioned that he wouldn’t let FF’s first time be out there. He had been embarrassed but it was the only way he knew to get Romero out of the club and away from where he could hurt Captain Neil or anyone else in the pursuit of that.
He spots the bartender who had gotten the drinks for their table and his mind completely blanks on the name but the bartender sees him and smiles. “Oh you’re Neil and Andrew’s new friend! What can I help you with? I thought you were-“
“Hi, yes I am Captain Neil and Andrew’s friend.” He says a little loudly because he can feel Romero behind him and he does NOT want the man to know anything about where Captain Neil was.
“Captain Neil? Oh wow that’s adorable.” The man gushes. “What can I help you with? I won’t ask for ID for one of their friends.” He winks.
“I’d like to order the uh…” he tries to remember the exact drink name from the flyer, “…the deluxe chocolate martini?” He asks and knows he got it right when the bartender’s expression shifts ever so slightly.
“Oh yeah, how do Andrew and Neil feel about that?” He asks and oh great a coded conversation. It’s nice to actually be having a real one of these for once instead of just perceiving normal conversations to have hidden meanings.
“They don’t know. They probably prefer that I order it instead of Nicky or Aaron.” He lets his eyes dart to the wide where he believes Romero is watching him.
“I don’t know if that’s true.” The bartender says, “Nicky knows how to handle a drink and Aaron’s not a lightweight either.” He adds.
FF struggles to find a coded way to say ‘It’s not that someone’s hitting on me too hard like the flyer mentioned. It’s that there’s a mafia hitman in your club.’
Finally after a moment, “It’s not the usual kind of drink they get.” He tries and the bartender looks confused by the statement, dammit. He struggles to find a different way to say it before the bartender smiles.
“Y’know you’re really cute.” He reaches under the bar top and grabs a piece of paper and a pen. “How about you write down your number for me cutie? We can meet up sometime.” He says. “I’ll get started on that chocolate martini for you.” He says.
HE COULD KISS THIS MAN.
“I’d like that.” He says.
He writes out a quick message on the small note paper.
‘Armed. After Neil. Looked at Nicky. I’m going to the back alley. Phone is dead.’
The bartender comes back and looks at his note. “We’re out of chocolate martini mix, can I get you something-“ He hopes the club lighting obscures how pale the man got, “something else?” He asks and FF can SEE his pulse.
“Can I just get some water then?” He asks.
The bartender nods and pulls up his phone and hopefully is dialing the police and hands FF a water. His hand grabs hold of FF’s “You don’t need to go out into the alley. You could hang in the backroom with me?” He offers.
There really are some kind people in the world.
“I think it’s better if I’m not in here for a bit.” He says back and honestly he needs this kindness and he has a spare bit of courage, “What’s your name by the way? Sorry I missed it.” He says.
The bartender swallows, “It’s Roland.” He says.
“Thanks Roland.” He twists the cap off of the water bottle and takes a sip.
He turns and pretends not to notice how Romero is trying to be inconspicuous pretending to be on his phone.
He makes his way over to the alley door and notices that Romero is tracking his movements but is not following him like he did to the bar.
His heart is pounding and he can’t BELIEVE he’s doing this. He wants to run, wants to hide somewhere, wants to become imperceptible but…but��
He opens the door to the alley as the bass of the remixed song finishes.
(You can do anything you set your mind to, man)
He lets the door slam behind him and he is alone in the alley.
He was not expecting a van to come to a screeching halt in front of the entrance and for a different face to appear climbing out of the car.
Jackson Plank.
FF looks at the ugly smile on the man as he walks towards him with a knife in hand.
Okay now what genius?
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
5/26/23: EDITED. Can’t believe I forgot to put the Captain in front of Neil’s name on the meme. I’m blaming the accidental early awakening.
Per your requests:
@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524 @blue-jos10 @stabbyfoxandrew @splishsplashyouropinionistrash @sammichly @the-broken-pen @bitchesdoweknowu @very-small-flower @ghostlyboiii @its-a-paxycab @bisexual-genderfluid-fan @cheesecookie @theoneandonlylostsock @foxsoulcourt @blueleys @adverbialstarlight @elia-nna @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner @nikodiangel @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat @hallucinatedjosten @satanic-foxhole-court @vexingcosmos @chalilodimun @insectsgetcooked @angry-kid-with-no-money @queer-crows @lillyndra @themugglemudperson @readertodeath @apileofpillows @mortalsbowbeforeme @hellomynameismoo @next-level-mess @youreonlylow @interstellarfig @notprocrastinatingatalltoday @percyjacksonfan3 @queenofcrazy27 @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares @spencellio @adinthedarkroom @harpymoth @sufferingjustalilbit @anxietymoss @oddgreyhound @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken @ken22789 @atiredvampire @isoldescorner @not--a--pipedream @azure-wing @bushbees @roonilwazlib-main @crumplelush @foldedaces-paperbirds @thesenseinnonsense @let-tyrants-fear @ketchupfriesandallthingsnice @legowerewolf @deadlydodos @but-we-respect-his-craft @cariniqe @zanypersonapricotbiscuit
The requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I promise I just missed you.
As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?
Lillyndra it worked this time!!!
#Fluent Freshman AU#Is it a songfic chapter if it's only 3 lines? Experts aren't sure#Did I listen to lose yourself a lot while writing this chapter? Perhaps#If Nora mentioned something about Jackson or Romero in her extras I did not read it#Also gonna be honest here and state that I forgot the likely year that AFTG happened in and this is happening in 2010#So I guess this AU also involves a slight time shift#Andrew and Neil may have gotten lost in one another's eyes a bit down in the speakeasy#Really they're just being polite to get all of their PDA out of the way while FF is taking what might be the piss of a lifetime.#(They have no idea how accurate that might be)#Andrew is all set to kiss one of his favorite of Neil's freckles (yes he has ordered them from favorite to lesser favorite)#Then his phone goes off#He looks and it's Roland#Andrew: WTF is Roland trying to call me?#Nicky is busy being the Dancing Queen. If someone plays ABBA he will absolutely scream rn#I had considered a whole sequence of FF trying to get Nicky and Aaron to the safety of the backroom in Eden's#And Nicky just keeps reappearing on the dancefloor while FF is looking for Aaron#I was gonna use that simpsons meme where Moe throws out Barney and then Barney is just right back in the bar#But it got a little too crazy#But just know in this AU Nicky is canonically an excellent escape artist#Maybe Erik went through a bit of a magician phase and Nicky was DELIGHTED to be asked to be his assistant#Maybe that's how they got together#The inherent ROMANCE of magician and assistant#I don't remember if they ever really said in the books or nora's content#If I'm rambling because I forgot to shut off my alarm (Memorial Day 4-day weekend baby)#The fate of FF's phone may have been caused by some slight anger towards my own#RIP FF's Wymack phone (July 2010 - November 2010)#AFTG#AFTG AU#Andreil#FF - Pt.19
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Are you guys seeing this In Praise of Shadows/Wendigoon niche youtube drama because it's blowing up on horror yt
#i disliked a lot about the IPoS video. but seeing the level of hate that guy is getting rn#like yes it was poorly researched and it's not what I want to see from that channel. however#people are absolutely drowning him on every platform calling him every fucking slur in the books and wishing he would die#wendigoon has the scariest fucking fanbase it's insane#i don't see wendigoon's content as being super conservative but he's definitely not explicitly liberal and that's enough for these fuckos#really really weird and gross situation here#but I hope the IPoS channel comes out of this okay because his videos are usually excellent and it feels like this one#just kinda. slipped through the cracks in his standards.
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peter pan goes wrong. amazing, brilliant, show-stopping.
#our audience would not let chris bean live#absolute comedy#when he was trying to poison pan everyone was saying he's behind you#then when he was trying to open the poison someone shouted 'need a hand'#this went on for about 10 minutes#til he lost it and said 'i said we should've never have come to *insert city here*#and when robert was speaking after the interval about the child he crushed and everyone was like awww oh no etc and a guy laughed#and said wooo#he said '*insert city here* everybody'#excellent cast#peter pan goes wrong
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#some criterion of excellence by which he was chosen#i'm reflecting on the desire to find absolute singularity explanatory here and how it just always absolutely fails#we ARE left wondering why lazarus#Anne Carson#inhabiting a realm of fabulous constructions#you don't know my attributes#tall saint
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I know you, a little to the left (Patreon)
#Doodles#Damned#Osmosis Jones#Ozzy#Drix#Leah Estrogen#I mean ''Anna Westbrook'' totally 100%#More of my favourites! Another! Is characters who Should Know that Do Not :)#And it's all over the Institute and it's so angstily perfect ah <3 ''I know you but you're not the One I know'' ow <3#Makes any kind of close relationship extra painful imo :) I'm still tossing around a DAX/ZEX idea in that vein too#Although I also really like that they're each other's ah <3 Both is good! I like both!!#But here we've got Ozzy from Osmosis Jones and Drix from Ozzy & Drix ♪ They're absolutely a couple lbh#They're the only two of a kind who have such a shared history! Oz's flirting gets toned way down in the show too#Not gonna stop me from shipping him with everyone - my favourites are the bicycles this is known lol#But the concept of this Oz being from before he and Drix got together while this Drix is dating his Ozzy ahh#Still in love with him! Smitten silly! How would Oz react! It's fun to think about :)#And then the opposite side of things from Oz's perspective dealing with a Leah who is Almost what he remembers but not quite!#Gods I love the visitor concept it is so rich for pain and longing and self-doubt and just agh!! What an excellent game element!!!#The genuine concern and frustration that comes with being so convinced of something on both sides!! Yes yes yes#I've very much been building Anna and Chris' relationship up in the background radiation of ideas hwah#Dangerously inspirational how could you do this to me <3
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the dashboard osmosis has zapped your blorbos into my subconscious bc despite not having read a word of svsss last night I dreamed about a musical adaptation of it. thought you should know. (the dream musical kind of slapped btw)
OH MY GOD??? that sounds incredible holy shit now all I can think about is which scenes would make good songs. this is amazing omg I'm so glad my dashboard osmosis powers were strong enough to do this to you
#asks#scribefindegil#if you remember any details from the dream i would LOVE to hear them#i wanna know how this appeared in your dream lol#svsss is such a neglected stepchild when it comes to adaptations. all we have is an abandoned and terrible looking animated version#but A MUSICAL HOWEVER. here's how scum villain can still win#im not a musicals expert but im thinking about how this would be...#if it's capturing all three books then i think the most natural intermission point would be the self detonation scene#i've seen an animatic of that scene set to a cover of please please please that sounded like it was out of a musical#and that's kind of what i'm imagining. really dramatic really emotional. potentially a really stark shift from other songs involving sqq#oooh what if his songs tend to sound a little more modern than other characters'#or they have a particular motif that represents the system.... and then he hears that same motif from sqh and he's like HEY. WAIT A MINUTE.#anyway. back to self detonation. i think that would be an excellent place to end act one#bc the curtains lowering over binghe cradling his body would be SO good#and then you go to intermission and come back to absolutely ridiculous shenanigans and six balls#the climax of the story/love confession would probably really intense at first and then suddenly go soft when sqq reveals the jade guanyin#ouuughghgh thinking about teen binghe having an ''i want'' song as the protagonist#and then getting a fucked up reprise of it later on#isn't there an equivalent of ''i want'' songs for villains. i can't remember what it's called. but i think sqq should have that#just for funsies.#scribe you have given me SUCH brainworms this is excellent
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Out of all the things that threw me through a loop in the mario movie, the bros taking their gloves off was the most oddly jarring. I said out loud “they have flesh hAnds!-”
#y'know among other things#beating an absolute decomposed horse here but. Chris Pratt's voice acting was somehow. worse. than I was expecting.#the um. the random real songs? Mr. Blue Sky and Thunderstruck? that was weird#the other music was WONDERFUL#I know Mario has been canonically like 25 for a while but it's still weird seeing him with his young parents and being fussy about food#and playing video games in his lil teenager bedroom#speaking of- the Mario-hates-mushrooms thing? what?#and his personality in general was just fucking weird but it would have been less jarring without the. lazy shit voice. sorry. dead horse ik#thought there'd be more luigi tbh#kamek and bowser absolutely stole the show they were fucking great#peach was generic... I didn't dislike her but. myeh. another Illumination quirky girlboss go off I guess#Donkey kong was fun actually I rly liked him#his beef with Mario was entertaining#anyway ok enough about characters#the movie was a visual feast and the action scenes were. fucking excellent. so clever.#which. says. a. LOT. given how much I normally hate illumination movies visually#oh yeah toad. he was there. same way I feel about him in the games so#dude I kept my eyes PEELED for Funky Kong. he should've absolutely been the mechanic or SOMETHINg. so sad.#it's funny the longer the movie went on the more and more and more I realized. oh. this is an illumination movie alright#take that as you will#anyway I sound like I hated it I didn't I fucking loved every second of it#when you go into a movie with the mindset of ''I'm going to tear this to shreds as light-heartedly as possible'' you have a great time#and you get pleasantly surprised along the way!#like I said! visual feast! clever fights! some fun characters! music! background gags and easter eggs!#bowser!
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#also#in 90% of the cases nolan really canNOT write a female character can he#and i gotta say now i've seen it#florence's character is so uninteresting and underwritten and it's bloody fascinating to me the way she approached her role in this movie#afterwards i mean#compared to her last role#in dwd#which btw was written (and then delivered) excellently#it was in fact the absolutely strongest asset of that movie#and definitely one of like top three performances in florence's career#and yet there we were#and here we are#as a fan of her work i am baffled to say the least#and as an observer of pop culture and a woman i am like 'girl... be fucking serious. it's all so lame of you'#so yeah lol
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so i just finished playing the ace attorney professor layton crossover game and i'm very interested in knowing what fans of both series found hard / easy about the game depending on whether you picked it up as a fan of the layton games or a fan of the ace attorney games, here's a poll about it!
#ace attorney#professor layton#i know its a game from like 2014 but i'm super curious#i've literally never played a mainline aa game before#my uncle got it for me when i was 16 bc he knew i loved the layton series and was like 'here you go kiddo! a layton game!'#and i did not play it for nearly a decade bc i had no idea what was going on and was put off by luke's different va lmao#but after watching nezumiva's excellent retrospectives i felt like i could play this and not be too out of the loop#and i wasn't! but also i found that compared to the trials the puzzles were in absolute baby mode#not to mention the ending is just kind of a mash up of the twists surrounding st mystere + folsense + future london#so i ended this game feeling like it was intended a lot more for aa fans that layton fans but not in a bad way
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#I am thinking so much about that chair scene between Jack and Lacie that I can't even sleep and it's almost 13pm#But like... I love it and I hate it and I love it and I hate it and it's just *so* them#There's such a profound knowledge and understanding of the other hidden under a layer of total lack of knowledge and understanding#And I'd say it goes on and on for several layers. The lack of understanding and knowledge on the top over a layer of knowledge#over one of absolute lack of knowledge over one of profound understanding and etc etc#They're playing chess in that scene too. They're playing chess on so many levels#They're trying to prove each other but they also know the so they don't react as the other expects#which means they DO react as the other expects (with lack of interest!)#Lacie is proving Jack and perhaps trying to get rid of him since he has become an emotional nuisance by making him cross the line#But Jack knows this and so he is careful and doesn't react. We know his past. We know he excels at these games#But he knows Lacie and he knows he depends on playing this well to not be thrown away. He truly can't risk crossing any line. So he doesn't#He shows no interest but smiles as if it could mean something. He doesn't touch her but doesn't react bashfully either. He asks#And that‚ his vague reaction that could be everything and nothing and anything at all‚ his lack of reaction‚ proves Lacie right#Which proves Jack right. She was just testing him. And somehow he's failed#But he's failed by not failing because had he reacted any other way she would most likely had thrown him away#There was no way for either to win anything here. There was no way to pass the test#But this way he can stay. He can stay a little longer#There was no way to pass the test#(There was no way to pass the test and life goes on until it doesn't‚ and then it goes on forever until it runs dry.#But first he'll touch a plush and he'll see a tree and hear her singing one last time‚ the same singing of the day of the test.#And the signing will make him cry as if he perhaps could have passed the test)#(And again he tries to give her everything she wants‚ to bend to her desires and needs‚ to not be thrown away.#And again he asks. And again he doesn't pass the test. And again there was no way of passing. Once there was blood red rain#and a cursed girl. There was no passing the test)#(Her brother still dreams of that life‚ when tests are passed and they leave‚ and she leaves‚ and she lives)#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#I got carried away a bit but... I enjoy their mind games so much and how (rightfully) untrustworthy and untrusting they both are#As well as their sore relationship with love and touch#I love them so much. They mean the world to me
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Like, moving to a big city in September 2020 only to be locked in a house with 4 strangers and basically never see the light of day for nine months was 1) a terrible experience overall and 2) not a bad setup for a horror series of some sort, but also I am nostalgic for a few things from that time
#one of them obviously being minnie. i miss her every day and i hope she’s having a good time wherever she is now#i’m absolutely certain she’s found a different gang of hapless grad students to sit on and beg for tuna from. it’s what she excels at#second; smoking 🍃 on the front porch with my flatmates. or smoking out the attic window. honestly a quintessential grad school experience#third; the food. oh my god the food. the time i ordered bao buns and then got so high i forgot i ordered bao buns and then i remembered#my bao buns. i was so happy. i have never felt such a rush of love for any being as i did for myself in that moment#and the food was transcendent#fourth; grocery shopping was so good because the prices hadn’t gone up insanely yet and there was never anyone in the shop#fifth; movie nights with my flatmates. and watching random crap like classic who wants to be a millionaire and columbo and stuff#usually none of us were sober and one of us would order burgers#sixth; watching the across the street neighbours. there was this house of seven undergrads across from us; all lads; and they used to do#the weirdest shit. one time i spent a full ten minutes watching one of them take out the garbage and narrating everything he was doing#‘and here he is with more bottles… bottles again… jesus fucking christ how did they drink this much… rip to their liver… pizza boxes!#hey good for them for washing it down with something. ooh five black bin bags. intriguing’ but i swear to god it took Ages for him to take#it all out. i was like ‘i know there’s seven of them but how did they produce this much’#another time the one who had an afro despite being white and the one who was somewhat good looking had a dance party in their living room#while only wearing boxers. i was like ‘do they know we can see them?’ and the others were like ‘idk’ lol#idk where this is going. i was just thinking about it just now. i wouldn’t do all of that again honestly but i miss certain moments#and i hope everyone from that time who i’ve lost touch with is well. apart from sb. he can fuck off#personal
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i have been receiving and reading daily poetry emails for quite literally every day of my adult life. yet somehow every time i seek to compile collections of quotes for people, there is a solid 70% chance a line from andrei bely will creep in there, a man who normal english-speaking people have never heard of and who i obsessively read every single one of his works i get my hands on.
i feel like both of these are if not individual red flags, at least yellow ones, and they are both things that make me go "fucking of course you write urianger, you weird little fruit"
#bely is supremely uri tag. in a certain way. not in all of the ways but in a direction.#this is a feeling that only i can comprehend#bely is one of my favourite writers of all time. the first time i read his most famous book i went 'well i hated that time to never think#about it again' and then i read it four more times and own it in two languages. normal#no one knows who he is except for REEES people.#and yet everyone knows dostoevsky. personally i think dostoevsky is Tedious.#ooc#me looking at my high school self like 'and you thought you couldnt possibly be a libarts major. you fool.'#anyways if anyone ever wants poetry to read first off i recommend amichai#about fifth on the list is petersburg by andrei bely. its excellent. it will give you physical repulsion. it will linger#petersburg is described as the russian equivalent to james joyce's ulysses which ironically i have not read#i dont know how this tag section became Dezember's Literary Discussion Circle Of One Man Discussing but here we are#no im not deleting any of them#this is a stream of consciousness adventure and now youre just on this ride with me#if you read petersburg you should also read the silver dove but only after i tell you the absolutely incredible saga of its origin#kotik letaev is also p good once ur used to belys bullshit. i named my cat letaev bc he is my kotik. thank u
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literally everyone is so mean to poe in t.ros and for no reason. the fandom likes to claim he's mean in it too but honestly he's only giving as good as he's getting. everyone treats him like their own personal punching bag and I hate it sm...I hope off screen he got a lot of hugs and reassurance from Leia before they left
#I love tros lots but it's still my my number 3 in ranking in the trilogy for this reason#I love that in tfa and tlj Poe clearly has an actual. healthy support system#(snap bb8 jess his pilots c'ai kaydel leia)#and in tros he just has. that.#f & r are excellent friends to each other but not so much to poe#it's to the point that he immediately melts for zorii when he absolutely shouldn't she tried to kill him the last time they saw each other#but here she gives him grace and the space to open up#and makes it clear she wants around and he's so MOVED by that#he needs positive connection so much...I can't protect him#Yes I did just survive a hurricane yes this is what I'm thinking about#nym speaks
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#~just petty sibling rivalry things~#little brother graduated upper secondary today and our mother burst into tears when he ran out on stage#she didn’t cry at my graduation#now. my brother’s education has been an awful absolute struggle for almost ten years#it’s far more meaningful for him to graduate than it was for me. an actual accomplishment#but idk. i had the best grades at my whole#programme when i graduated. my family didn’t really acknowledge that#it feels bad that i’m just kinda expected to excel?#and like. i was fully planning on killing myself before i got to eighteen so.#kind of an accomplishment for me to just MAKE IT to graduation too#anyway this is soooo self centred and petty im#super happy for my brother it’s amazing he got here#familyposting
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