#but goddammit I am going to fucking do it
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I don’t care what it takes I’m going to be happy this new year
#uni talks about the universe#fuck this sucks#but goddammit I am going to fucking do it#happy new year#stay safe and happy
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Okay, I really want to watch CoS, just genuinely want to try and get through it.
Can someone please, please tell me if there's any important information in the dinner scene in chapter 16 and where it ends? I can't struggle through it anymore, but goddammit I want to watch them finish the story.
#also because i really want to watch bdw#but i promised myself i wouldn't until i finished cos#also seeing people post about escher has me thinking (in bitsy's voice): 'who the fuck is escher?'#physically i want cos. mentally im crying because i cant get past this for fucking scene#im watching uprooted right now because i need my wife bitsy.#.... goddammit i always wondered how people could get so attached to characters that they call them wife/husband/spouse#and now im here doing it to bitsy.#i fucking love her though. shes got one braincell going at all times. she has like fifteen but theyre all used for different things#two of them activated at once has her seeing beyond the fourth wall in moments of genius#... i dont even know who the fuck i am im so tired. i need a nap#~A-Anon#<- guess its time for fuzziness until i figure out#if i had to guess: whispers or booker#but alas i could be very wrong
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Okay okay look I was watching youtube and Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling (ft. Lzzy Hale) came on and I just....... It's so Swannatello AU
OOOOHHHHHH IT'S GOOD... IT WORKS...
#REALLY GOOD#the fucking#edm/dubstep elements for dee#the ballerina and mechanical imagry and lyrics#OOHHH ITS GOOD#saw a whole ass AMV in my head#im finally taking the time to look through all these song recs i have in my box lmao#THIS IS GREAT#slowly but surely building a swanatello playlist#ugh i have SUCH a clear image of what an animatic for this would look like#same with the Malinda Music Box song#but this one would be SOOO much work coz the? bpm is so high lmao#and i am not particularly versed in animation or animatics#BUT I SURE DO SEE IT#with all the like? the bits where theyre really GOING HARD on the violin?#no words just instrumentals#just imagine flashing scenes of swanatello being a total badass doing his whole ninja/ballet/waterbending shit#and we're hitting each beat#goddammit i wish i was an animation studio#not “i wish i could animate”#i wish i WAS A STUDIO lmao coz itd be a huge project for a person#anyway#asks#anon#swanatello asks
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Friends, followers, and belovèd mutuals - I am alive ówò
#tumblr desktop looks So Different my god#Tweeter clone?????#I have hardly been online for the past 7 months because I am simply Dying at work but I finally decided to say Fuck it let them fire me uwu#Art is slow#hardly remember how to draw at all but I'm Fucking going to Do Art if it Kills me goddammit!!!#still getting back into the swing of things please forgive me if I am slow to reply to anything ;w;#volbeast.txt
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remember when we joked about natlan being the pokemon nation. remember when it was all fun and lighthearted. cause like. man.
#personal stuff#thorn plays genshin#i knowwwww even the first part was bleak with kachina Literally Fucking Dying but like. oh my god#i saw someone say ''wow they did a great job making an oppressive and bleak atmosphere with this quest''#and me before getting to This Point was like psh sure whatever i'm not seeing it.#I AM SEEING IT NOW. I GET IT NOW. christ.#REALLY great job displaying the absolute despair and desperation going on it is BLEAK.#in a good way. in a it's a good story kind of way. really using the medium making us Choose between who to go and defend#and showing more and more that it is a losing battle and you cannot save everybody. god#the repeated ''situation unknown'' in all of these descriptions. christ#finished the quest. MAN.#single complaint was why was mavuika giving her speech in the tavern. girl you have a whole stadium#but yeah man. Man.#chuychu. what if i exploded.#literally made me fucking weep. goddammit tragic siblings got me again#THE FUCKING SHATTERED MOON VISIBLE THROUGH THE FALSE SKY OPENING. CHRIST#like we've KNOWN the moon(s) were destroyed but like auuugh aUAUUGH.#OH I JUST REALIZED I WAS RIGHT ABOUT NATLAN HAVING TO DO WITH OTHER WORLDS. KIND OF.#IF YOU COUNT THE FUCKED UP SKY THEN IT'S A W FOR ME
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oh god. that shot of mhok putting his hand on day's hand on the beach
please. please tell me i wasn't the only one who immediately thought of that shot in ep6 of bad buddy of the fingers that touch. please tell me someone has giffed this parallel already
#if not then i think i have some giffing to do tomorrow!!!!!#airenyah plappert#last twilight#lt ep8#adrm#oh god when i tell you that shot stung like a needle going through my heart#two full years have past and i am still so fucking senstive about all things bad buddy goddammit
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tomorrow-me's gonna hate tonight-me, part 3522
(an incoherent work-related rant in the tags, read if you will but it's boring lol)
#due to bus schedules i go to work every morning almost two hours before my actual work starts#and i always use this time to plan the day's lessons etc.#(in case someone's somehow missed this i'm a language teacher 👩🏫)#which is convenient but often i underestimate how much time i'm gonna need#and so i end up in a race against time to finish everything before i actually need to be ready (=my classes start)#so far i am yet to go to class without having prepared all the stuff. more or less at least lol#but it really sucks to have this rushed feeling to everything 😩#and so every single fucking day i'm like ''when i get home i'll do this and this so that i can for once be ahead of myself''#but the second i actually get home i'm like ''...nah 🙂''#because goddammit i'm HOME pls don't make me work there 😭#but some stuff i just don't have the time to do at work. such as marking student essays 😟#at least that i COULD do at home if i wasn't so protective of my free time 🤧#but lesson planning? lots of the materials are at the school anyway#so that's sort of my excuse to NOT do any of that at home but. sometimes i know i should 🤡#because tomorrow-me would appreciate it#however tonight-me tends to be a lazy fucker who wants to just imagine blorbo nonsense or stare at a wall doing nothing 😭#i have regrets about this career choice lol don't become a teacher kids istg
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ur grading people and if they get an f theyre blocked? my main you aint a kindergarten teacher this is a microblogging platform
yeah, that's why there's that function called blocking! :) cuz this is a microblogging site! that's what microblogging platforms have! :) so you don't have to put up with people's shit! :) interesting that kindergarten teachers where you live are capable of blocking people in real life, hope you had fun with that
#spot says stuff#this is the INTERNET You are the one who curates your own fucking experience and if i dont like someones vibes or what theyre saying to me-#-they are going to get blocked! ''grading'' people??? its called judging people and having set boundaries and self respect#im not here to conform to strangers tastes n the need to Watch Me i dont care about that more than i care about myself#i am not a ''content creator'' i am not someone with some power like a ''kindergarten teacher'' i am a stranger to All of you and-#-just another tumblr user and i dont owe you fucking anything just like nobody Here owes me anything besides base respect#n base respect includes watching what you say to people. i dont have to put up with strangers faults. im holding everyone here accountable-#-for their actions and words because i believe that you are capable of being a good considerate human person n acting sensibly#what would happen if i blocked a person on Tumblr Dot Com. the goddamn apocalypse? please. blocking isnt controlling people around you-#-its Boundaries. you can get over some random bitch blocking you on the internet. its not my responsibility if someone decides that their-#-entire emotional wellbeing depends on a *Stranger*#i have P@NSEAR blocked cuz i just Dont like their content. if someone ''gets an F'' from me for behaviour then MAYBE theres a REASON?#''ur grading people'' goddammit man who Isnt judging the people around them and the interaction they have with them#HOW many times ive said ''feel free to block me!'' in a positive way cuz of smth as small as a too gorey design. what do u think-#-blocking is ysee??? ''you are acting entitled'' because i AM! i AM entitled to having a good comfortable experience on the INTERNET#just like ANY OF YOU. please anon! you dont like my way of treating myself on the Internet do just that! block me! i wont throw a fuss??#if Anyone here doesnt like the smallest aspect of me judge me. i invite you to. judge me and if that aspect is too loud for you Block me#to get along with this anons absolutely correct n in place anecdote: Grade Me. give me an F. boot me from the school whatever That means#keep yourself safe and make your experience on the internet comfortable#i cant tell if youre one of those dumb anon askers who r just lookin for attention or fight Or a reasonable person but heres my look at it#entertain it before you disregard it. got me pissed off from the moment i wake up u dont even know bout my whole blockin system dear god
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Alright tomorrow (or, well, today now, I suppose) I am FINISHING THE CHAPTER I'VE BEEN WORKING ON. I've got one scene left of it. And then I can write the third chapter in this section and I will feel way better.
#even though the next section is like. ugggggh I don't wanna. I do but I don't.#writing the first half of the fucked up book just doing tension building is like. whyyyyy#screaming crying throwing up climbing under my desk#tbh I complain now but I will complain just as much when I get to the second half and I have to like. deliver on shit. fuck#however it is going WELL so it's fine. it's cool it's fine I'm good#megs is writing#I promise this time!#I am GOING TO FINISH THIS FUCKING BOOK BEFORE THE END OF THE SUMMER GODDAMMIT#and then I can write other things. also I need to write a novella but that involves some notes.#and I wanted to write a short story for a submission! AUGH FUCK#I really do need to also write some fic or the blorbos will drive me nuts. anyway.
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I’m looking at how to do taxes etc again (because I WANNA sell stuff!!) but my American citizenship makes everything so fucking difficult, like ok not only does Sweden have super vague regulations regarding what’s an actual business and what’s a hobby business (which changes taxation, and I’d be more than willing to untangle that ratsnest because I live here and it makes sense I’d pay proper taxes) but then ON TOP OF THAT I need to make sure I don’t accidentally sic the IRS on myself :) I’m so tired of this, why does the US care what I do over here. I’ve never even lived there, I just happened to have an American parent. I don’t wanna renounce my American citizenship (because I like having it and they charge you HELLA for getting rid of it) but the fucking taxes and the legal mess is killing me. I’m almost considering asking a non-american friend to sell my stuff in their name just so I don’t have to deal with it. If anyone knows another Swedish-american artist living in Sweden who has got this figured out PLEASE send them my fucking way.
#I cannot stress enough how annoyed I am at this#what happened to no taxation without representation#isn’t this the whole reason the US split from the Brits. the taxation from people a whole ocean away.#so fucking hypocritical#I’m going to go insane#I need to book a time at the bank to figure this out#gonna have to give the bank person homework ahead of it tho so they can be of use this time#unlike last time when they were like ‘oh. I don’t actually know anything about American taxation’ babygirl I am here for ONE THING#HELP WITH AMERICAN TAXATION#what do you MEAN you can’t be of service. this is your JOB#rant#no one benefits from this because I don’t owe any taxes to the US so they get no money from me#and I get nothing from the US in terms of like social stuff because I don’t LIVE THERE#SO IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE THAT THEYD BE BOTHERD WITH THIS#and yes I know it’s to prevent rich people from doing off shore stuff#BUT THEY DO THAT ANYWAYS. SO WHAT EVEN IS THE OIN#*POINT GODDAMMIT
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No... I can't let this affect me... I have to keep pushing... even if Sedge blatantly cheats, I'll find a way through this....
#wargroove#fuck act 5 side 2#why the hell am i even doing this first there's another one i should have gone to before this#doesn't help that i got bad news yesterday and today...#6 becomes 5 and then 5 becomes 4#but i'll keep going#i'll bury it like i always do and keep going#even if it's unhealthy i don't have a choice#i live with parents who would never understand#anyway enough venting in the tags back to wargroovin'#time for plant gremlin to go bye bye#in case you couldn't tell#i do not like sedge#i don't like that he ruined mercia and co's chances of getting through the gloomwoods AND heavensong without a fight#i don't like that he BLATANTLY FUCKING CHEATS IN THIS MISSION GODDAMMIT#fuck sedge#text post#shut up rosie
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im so fucking tired i just deleted a like. 200+ hours fe fates save
#i am EXHAUSTED WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS SO LATE AT NIGHT#GOD THAT WAS A SAVE FROM WHEN ONLINE STUFF WAS STILL UP GODDAMMIT#I AM AN IDIOT FOR NEVER MAKING A BACKUP#man i knew this would happen#okok lets think#that corrin had both astra and rend heaven#i could drop rend heaven bc astra is just. rlly good and i think i got rend heaven through other ppls castle stuff#i need to remember the specific corrin build- hang on#my birthright and conquest saves are the exact same corrin (and i can use them to replicate the exact unit pairings)#im going to lose... stat boosts and having every support done (yikes) but i didnt rlly do any einherjar stuff and otherwise its like.#lilth levels ig. the lack of online stuff is going to bite imo just bc that stuff was niceeee#cant branch of fate it seems to just cling to your most recent save which. fine.#remembering the specific corrin voice is going to be hard but i thiiiink i could figure out the boon/flaw#just based on the other saves??? maybe????#i am trying to rationalize this so hard its way too fucking late for this#based on the time i think i accidentlly overwrote this save like a fucking hour ago jesus#i think its a +skill -luck corrin based on my birthright corrin?????#fuuuuuuuck#whatever we can drop rend heaven i finally figured out that you can just. keep fucking using eternal seals anyways
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"Man, I relate a lot to Frost, I wonder why?"
*suddenly gets hit a dawning fear that I never realized before*
"Ah... That makes sense."
#im rambling like hell in the tags#justttt dont mind me#its a lot of me just going through it and talking to myself#if you dont want to read all of that go ahead and stop and scroll#bardic whispers#yeah so.. tonight is just something huh?#.... goddammit im about to write another emotional spiral fic aren't i? fucking hell..#i do this to myself and i dont even mean to! im just easy to please! im okay without closure! and then i stay in one place and happy#and when i look back up- im just.. behind#... at least i have an easy target this time around huh?#i am so sorry for what i'm about to do to you Frosty-#(even though Frost is actively encouraging me to do this-)#FUCK I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE A CHRISTMAS EVENT TOMORROW-#fuuuuuckk no wonder i'm in anxiety hell!#goddammit- one week- one *day* without anxiety would be nice-#i need to be fucking medicated or something. or i need caffeine to stop going through withdraws. again.#goddammit- im just trying at this point and it feels like not enough and im sorry for that#im happy being here- dont get me wrong the community had been so lovely you- you dont even *understand*#im.. not happy with how slow im going#and i know its okay to go slow... but ive been slow all my life. i wish i was faster. i wish i could find a way to be faster.#im happy here with this community. truly i am. i love it here.#i wish i felt safe enough to relax. i want safety for us more than fucking anything...#im trying. thank you for baring with me
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I need help.
I needed help.
I’m so afraid.
So tired.
#suicidal#and I just fuck up everything and I’m such a fool and no one wants to listen to me I don’t have anything to say everyone else has killed#themselves why am I still living goddammit why don’t I just kill myself right now what the fuck am i going to do I can’t do this no one will#help me no one wants to I hate myself so fucking much
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…
i um.. i didn’t realize how much of a social life i’d built for myself here until it started getting fucked by work
currently doing a house sit and had a bunch of other jobs to do today- i only get a 9 hour allowance to be away from the house sit total… within a 24 hour period… currently have half an hour left in that allowance
my friend group is going out to do karaoke, something we’ve been discussing for two years now. i’ve have always been the most vocal in the group about wanting to go and now that they finally are i contractually can’t and i honestly just want to curl up and cry about it
like i get that that’s part of being an adult. your social life becomes limited- you have work or school or relationships that need tending before you can go out and be stupid
but it still really fucking hurts to not be able to go do the one thing you’ve been wanting to do with your friends (and this is no fault of their own it’s just the way things worked out. they’re all so kind and good to me)
i just. i feel so fucked over. i feel trapped. i feel undervalued. my fucking subcontractor is flying half the world away to go be with her partner. and i can’t go out and sing with my friends.
#exie vents#i was having such a good day too#and this has brought me so fucking low it sucks#i fucking hate working#i swear if i can’t find something more stable i am actually going to go off the rails#i am going to do something very stupid. someone please give me a 9-5. or an 8:30-4:30. i miss working those hours#i am the most introverted creature i know but goddammit if i don’t miss my friends#i barely socialize anymore. i go out to see friends maybe once a month#i see my sister and my mom regularly. and that’s it#stuck with dogs and cats all the time otherwise and as much as i love animals they don’t replace humans#i just want to be social. i want to be a stupid 20something and not have to pace myself for work#i’ve gotten that twice in the last eight months.
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picky eater rant lol
#dear reader:#I'm getting it fucking twisted.#I swear to FUCKING SHIT#how hard is it to listen to people when they fucking talk to you#I said VEGETABLE fried rice you mentally deficient troglodyte#I understand that every human being is the champion god-king protagonist of their own story;#and things can go unobserved when details do not stroke the ego#but you would think after literal YEARS of ordering the one of TWO dishes from this restaurant#BOTH WITH 'VEGETABLE' AS THE PREFIX TO THE DAMN MENU OPTION#SOMEONE WOULD FUCKING REMEMBER#My day overall has been quite enjoyable up until this moment#However whenever I think of a 'relaxing evening' eating anticipated chinese food#I do not envision fishing for CHICKEN CHUNKS IN MY GODDAMN RICE#IT COMPLETELY ALTERS THE FLAVOR IN A SUBTLE WAY#“Subtle? If it's subtle what does it matter” Listen here motherfucker.#Do you think I want to roll the fucking roulette wheel with every forkful of fried rice#"Will I get a delicious hunk of rice#or am I going to bite down into a boulder of FUCKING CHICKEN#This is making a mountain out of a molehill here people#But sometimes the little things hit you in a way that taps into a veritable Wellspring of stored resentment#now I have to get another bowl dirty cause I don't want to eat the chicken#And YES#Foodwaste is terrible#food-waste contributes to the planetary decay our society has inflected upon the earth#It's a shame they wasted all this chicken by putting it INTO MY FUCKING FOOD#GODDAMMIT#at least the beef stick was cooked right#Fuckinell man.#I just wanted some snap peas and celery and the occasional carrot#rant over
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