#but god damn the struggle is fucked
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#Old meme I found on Reddit#but god damn the struggle is fucked#osrs#osrs runescape#old school runescape
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*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*
Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.
You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah
I’m doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts I’m spinning in the blender
…..I made the moodboard….
#chapter 37#of 120 or something#I must be like 90k words in haha#large word count is not an intimidation. It’s an invitation haha#I love the fics that I can’t read in just one hour:)#I gotta say I don’t enjoy the concept of making robots into organic life#it’s just my preference#seeing them as humans or animals or whatever feels so fucking wrong#the concept itself drives me off#like. Strongly#But at the same time. This fic isn’t about them being ‘haha cute organics’#it’s ‘oh god. I was turned into something I’m not’#instead of teeheee they’re fluffy#it’s please free me from this fucking nightmare. please let me be myself again.#idk how to explain. I resonate I guess#it often feels very disturbing but the characters are also disturbed#So now I’m kind of stuck reading this fic because I just can’t stop lol#just politely skipping the parts that make me too uncomfortable#also#the body horror is….damn. Impressive. I didn’t expect to read about grotesque fleshy creature turning itself inside out#it’s not even aesthetic or symbolic#it literally looks like a fucking nightmare. Which is impressive also.#the flesh is g r o s s#the beginning got me struggling and skipping#but the intermission is currently ruining my sleep schedule#oh fuck….I usually send my posts to the authors of the fics I read…..but I feel like I might offend the author of Ninth if do this……..#there’s a tiny chance they’re following me….if it’s true then I wanna tell I’m sorry pls don’t take this seriously#your fic got me waay out of my comfort zone#huge points for writing Ratchet. Drift in this fic is…the grossest fucking thing I could probably imagine but Ratchet doesn’t even hesitate#he helps him and he cares for him. Which is…..imma be real my first instinct would be to set Drift on fire to end his misery
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was browsing through my google docs. made a doc doodle
#i really gotta finish writing more often#that backwards isekai wont write itself but god fucking damn i wish it would#eternal motivation struggle. and energy#anyway fuckass hair doc. go#madness combat#madcom#madness combat 2bdamned#madcom 2bdamned
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yall what the fuck 😭😭
It’s one thing after another this week
I’ve been a one direction fan for years, loved most of their solo work, and although I didn’t like Liam anymore and didn’t stand for any of the shit that had been coming out about him, I still can’t believe this
#first it was the seunghan bullshit#then my friend got fired over a bullshit reason#and now this too#like what the fuck#all of my work friends texted me#I was with my best friend and she’d already seen an article about it but didn’t believe it so she didn’t say anything#but then all of my work friends texted me bout it and we were like oh shit it’s true#like I’m not too surprised because of Liam’s history with substance abuse and also with all the hate he’s been getting#like that’s gonna take a toll and slipping off a balcony whether intentional or accidental like I can see how it would stem from everything#that’s been going on but dang god damn this is just………#my 1d fangirl heart is having a real struggle of a time accepting this#like there was a long time during 1d’s time that Liam was my favorite so this is just god damn
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Kakashi: *shows countless times in canon he cares about his students and wants to train them, but a lot of that training is outright skipped for ‘more interesting storyline’
Weirdo’s: nah, Kakashi didn’t teach any of his student’s anything and didn’t care about them at all.
#like god DAMN#Y’all can’t handle an imperfect teach can you?#you can’t handle a character who makes mistakes but genuinly tried his hest#who was thrown into the job even though he did not ask for it#and STILL did his best#‘he doesn’t care about sakura’#WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE PROTECT HER AND CONTINUE TO SAVE HER IN ALMOST EVERY FIGHT IF HE DIDN’T CARE#‘he didn’t teach sakura anything’ yes the FUCK he did#he taught her chakra control which she obv excelled at#and a jonin level technique that allowed her to avoid being knocked out in the konoha crunch#and allowed her to wake Naruto up as well#‘he only ever tried to push his views on Sasuke’#no he didn’t#he only told Sasuke to stop seeking revenge when sasuke turned chidori#a move kakashi taught him to face a shinobi with an impenatable defence that WANTED TO KILL PEOPLE#there is a whole year before that where he knows Sasuke’s goal and never once tells him not to seek revenge#and him not being able to connect with Sasuke doesn’t mean his intentions were not genuine#sometimes people simply don’t understand each others trauamas and struggles#even when they desperatly want to#‘he was terrible to naruto’ fucking WHERE#He chose a specific sensei to teach Naruto chakra control#recogbizing it as Naruto’s weakness#and chose a dude who was a jonin specificlly because of his teaching capabilities#as for the fucking time skip#it’s made vary obviouse even before the team splits that Kakashi and all the other Jonin are on missions constantly#that’s the whole reason Shikamaru and a bunch of genin were sent after sasuke#instead of you know#FUCKING JONIN#None of the jonin were available#they were all on missions
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"ape." "princess."
#normally i hate posting art back to back but ive been working on this shit for so long for no god damn reason LMAODSAJD#anyways im so unbelievably fucking mentally ill about them#ALMOST gave joe nip piercings. almost#settled for the snakebites#matchablossom#sk8 the infinity#sk8 joe#sk8 cherry#kojiro nanjo#kaoru sakurayashiki#sk8 fanart#ALSO HOW THE FUCK DO YOU DRAW BEEFY PEOPLE. IVE NEVER STRUGGLED MORE ON A GOD DAMN BODY TYPE FUCK#sunny draws
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It's been rolling around in my brain the last few days for some reason, but I still hate the family backstory reveals for Sophie and Eliot. I've seen some of the meta for it, but quite frankly, it still makes no sense. If it had been something actually thought of and intentional in the original, I think it could have been so fascinating. I mean, Sophie's willing abandonment of Astrid to contrast with Nate's loss of Sam or Eliot's adoption in contrast with Hardison's and Parker's? Could have been excellent! But they came out of nowhere in Redemption and don't work with these characters.
Sophie was still actively using the fucking alias that she met Astrid under! She met with someone from her past on the show! Like. Quite frankly, that one is unequivocally bullshit that they made up and threw in and pretended could fit with the established canon. (And I'm sorry, but the idea of Sophie abandoning Astrid and never telling Nate about her just... So much of Nate's trauma was rooted in the loss of Sam, and I think that introducing this element after he's gone and unable to respond to it taints Sophie and Nate's relationship in a way bc I'm not exactly sure how Nate would've responded to learning about this but I think that it's something he'd have needed to know. I don't know how to fully express my thoughts on that but yeah.)
As for Eliot, I don't like the adoption aspect literally at all. The way that he would interact with his family and the memory of his family would be different, and I think that it's flat out ridiculous to think that he'd have never mentioned it to the team in the original show, especially when dealing with the kid cases. (I also dislike the biracial adoption as its own element because if Eliot was actually raised by Black parents in the... idk what 80s/90s? That just. doesn't feel congruent with how they write Eliot interacting with PoC, not necessarily in a bad way, but babe, he's written like a white southern man raised in a specific kind of culture that does not jell with that. It also makes Eliot look... really bad that he was apparently raised with the knowledge of how fucked up the military was and his parents' history and made the choices that he did.) Like the show may not have explicitly stated it but the implication of that relationship was vastly fucking different throughout the original show.
Just. These were not backstories that were congruent with their depiction and characters in the original show, and they're also just moves that I don't particularly like or find interesting directions for those characters. There's also something to be said about how it was apparently unacceptable for a woman to not have kids or someone not reconciling with their biological family when that was something that the original show handled a lot better. Out of all the directions to take Sophie and Eliot's stories, that's just not really one that I think was a good idea.
#i'm not sure if i worded this v well tbh which concerns me#bc like. like i said i dont like the adoption plot anyways but part of my problem with that storyline IS that billy is black#bc i don't think that the way eliot is written makes sense if he was raised by a black couple during that decade#bc the way that he would have engaged with his family and community and the world around him would've been different#especially bc he was raised in the fucking south in the 80s#bc i dont think eliot was ever racist in the original show but i dont think that he really knew#how it was different for poc in certain ways that dont make sense if he was raised by a black couple#like the previous implications of his childhood and specifically his father were v much in the stereotypical v pro military be a man cultur#that culture is also v rooted in toxic masculinity and whiteness#God i hope that makes sense bc i feel like that sounds v bad#but i'd love more black characters on the show and i think that for pretty much any other mc that'd have been fine#it's specifically eliot with the space that he occupies that i feel like it's a problem with his backstory#which also is why i dont like that he's adopted at all bc that's an influential part in how you first view your place and family and all th#that i dont think makes sense with eliot's character. like literally nothing about that reveal really feels like it makes sense with eliot#and to move over to sophie for a second i feel like bringing up the abandoned stepdaughter would have been pretty damn important#when sophie was struggling with the idea of who she really was beneath the aliases and the grift#and especially when she's in a relationship with nate who WAS a father like#and that she used the charlotte alias to meet with someone from her past but there wasnt anything about the fallout#which still makes no fricking sense either way#also insert something about sophie being an older woman without kids#(i know there's the ot3 but they're not actually in a position as her kids bc theyre still equals in a sense)#and needing to actually go no no she was a mom! and then bailed and did all this and blah blah but she's always been a mom in her heart <3#and adding in this relationship as if an older woman cant be satisfied or complete without kids#and i know that ppl might bring up parker but like lbr parker is positioned in a v different space narratively than sophie#ofc parker doesn't have kids she's positioned in a space as the Odd one the kinda broken one#her defying the expectations narratively doesnt necessarily work the same bc of her place#idk i kinda hope these dont end up in the main tags bc idk how ppl will respond nor how well i actually got across my points#but i do wanna tag them for my blog so#leverage#sophie devereaux
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I like to think Stan sometimes makes up a ridiculous version of Ford in his head when he's pissed at him.
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Stan downed the glass in one go, savoring the acidic bite, the way the vapors of the alcohol seemed to trail upwards through his nasal passage and into his brain, loosening some tightly wound tissue Ford would know the nerd name for.
It’s called Brainus Spongus, Stanley, the faux-Ford in his head pontificates. But in the Pumpkin Dimension, the natives refer to it as gourd-flesh, in accordance with the divine will of their diverse pantheon of jack’o’deities. Fascinating culture. Although they do perform an unseemly amount of ritual sacrifice in the autumn season.
#hello there#writing#the eternal struggle#stanley pines#stanford pines#stan makes the ford in his head say the dumbest shit dressed in scientific language#fuck i have missed writing so much#cannot wait to dig into all these god damned stories
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...
#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music#which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad#its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading#papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot#i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages#and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc#i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this#works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab#have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier#so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break#myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take#the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me#so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester#i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt#my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just#at the end of the line and it sucks#unrelated
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yo listen I am glad I chose social work as my field but hot damn it does not give room for much whimsy
#I know I have an ask in my inbox that I have yet to answer about social work#I’m sorry I’m a rubbish human lol#I’m fucking STRUGGLING with my god damn paper still#but heyo#that’s what you get out of being adhd af#every time I think about rewriting I want to cry#why brain#why#alex talks
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Besties it may be so fucking over. I think I might literally unironically have covid.
Which is. So unbelievably Stupid. For the entire duration of its existence I managed to avoid it. I was gonna get my updated vaccine at the end of the month. I go to a concert (one of many for the fucking record) and I am masking for the majority of it. I get fucked up by a crowd surfer I almost lose a piercing (bloody but healed okay, was only a bit crusty the day after). Maybe it wasn't the wisest decision to put it right back in but like bitch???????????? What else was I gonna do?????? I mean. Maybe if I were smarter I would have just waited til I got home to fully sanitize it. It did happen during the last set. But like are you kidding me do you think I'm thinking anything other than "Oh shit I almost lost a piercing and it would be a pain in the ass to replace it and I don't wanna risk my hole closing up". In all fairness I think I'm allowed to be a bit stupid there.
Anyways my symptoms haven't been cold like or flu like and they feel exactly like what I experienced when I got the vaccine way back when. Headaches, muscle aches, loss of taste, difficulty breathing even just with. A sports bra. I kinda stopped binding a while ago bc of the strain. It may be so fucking over for me. Literally get top surgery or just fucking die. Have to figure out what's up here first though, gonna call my doctor about it. 🧍
#the phone call i've been really struggling w was for top surgery. mentally i'm just. fighting for my life about it#not the surgery but like. the Process. it's always some god damn process. if i could go under the knife tomorrow#i fucking would in a heartbeat.#broadly speaking like i am fighting for my life to get this happening bc i'm gonna age out of my dad's insurance#i also have no idea what that holds. like. do i just die. am i just left for dead. no more meds no more therapy nothing.#to be fair my therapist has said that won't be the case. and she'll help me make the changes necessary#but like i can't help but ALWAYS feel like i'm on borrowed time. the future isn't real and isn't for me.#milo doomerism moment. sorry.#to be fair i cannot live the rest of my life like this. the body positivity movement has been great esp for trans people#but like. i cannot body positivity myself out of dysphoria. i'm just not built like that.#i'm almost jealous of people who can. and i have to remind myself that's so epic and cool actually i love that for them#but like. my own experience w my own body. bitch i barely fucking live here. i hate it here.
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after what happened with overlord, me and brad decided we want something better for us. we caught first train and went as far as we could. and we were happy, just the two of us...
my boi sleepy <3
#i struggle with art so much god damn#green rejection au#ninjago#lego ninjago#lego#ninjago lloyd#lloyd ninjago#lloyd garmadon fanart#lloyd garmadon#ninjago brad#lego art#art#ninjago art#digital art#oh fuck it
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HM LOOK AT THAT THE LIGHTS ARE BACK ON
#it's like i knew once i had context for that i was gonna feel the hurt but damn!!!#i think what gets me most about the silt verses is how well they translate the struggles of capitalism#and work culture into this world that is so so different and yet exactly the same#the use of 'sacrifices' gives heavy layoff energy 'for the good of the company'#i mean obvi there's multiple interpretations but as someone who works in tech like layoffs is the constant fire under ur ass#i've survived two out in two years and each one feels like your coworkers have been murdered in front of you#and there was nothing you could do#so chapter 37 just hit SO HARD like damn. we're keeping our boy and fucking up the temple instead!!#kill your gods!!!!#diary entry#the silt verses
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i know i complain about this stats class every day but i swear to god i get points docked for the most asinine things every fucking time
#my response to the question: These variables are categorical bc [explains why]... therefore it is reasonable to use Chi-squared methods#the feedback on my response: 1/2 .. chi-squared methods can be used if both variables are categorical#uh.. WHY did i get points docked????? what the FUCK#and every. god. damn. time. i have shit like this#like on the last homework i got points docked for not explaining the population.. when i literally had a sentence going 'the population is:#i do NOT understand how to make it more clear#and dont get me wrong i am Struggling in this class generally speaking as well#but it sure doesnt help when every time i check the homework i get fucking angry bc the feedback makes No Fucking Sense#lea speaks
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I GOT OMG TUMBLR LET ME HAVE PRETTY AESTEHTIC FOR THE TEASER OMFG I WON I FUCKING WON TONIGHT LEZ GO
#almost cried ngl oh god#FOR 3 DAYS#i was trying to make it pretty for 3 fucking days#but i got it omg finally#ooh lord that was a struggle damn
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*goes outside of my writing comfort zone to fix stuff after having already fully edited the chapter, and also it's late/close to my bedtime* damn why is this so frustrating
#truly almost brought me to tears. i hate dialogue so much#i'll feel fine tomorrow but damn rn... i feel like i shouldn't have struggled with that as much as i did#it shouldn't have taken me a full fucking hour to fix like 5 lines of dialogue but god it sure did#kmsing right now actually#the chapter/fic is better for it but holy shit that was not an emotional rollercoaster i was prepared to sit on tonight
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