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now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury… i may not be a “big city” lawyer. indeed, indeed, and i do declare… i may in fact be, ah, temporarily free—on probation—from my imprisonment in the wretched crystal. but do not let these simple facts, these minutiae, distract you from 1,000 gigavolts lightning strike upon the courtroom

uh, ahem. i said 1,000 gigavolts lightning strike upon the courtroom. *wiping my forehead with a handkerchief* it appears my powers aren’t working your honor

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"Are you good in bed?" No, I can't sleep.

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Beyoncé, P!nk and Britney Spears appearing in Pepsi's Gladiator inspired commercial (2004)

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ive watched this twenty times in the past 15 minutes someone help me

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let me tell you driving from Ohio to Washington in a SmartCar with everything I owned was funny enough on its own but once I got west of the Rockies, every. single. time. I stopped ar a gas station, random dads would just spawn beside my car. like there was some sort of dad portal following me. and they’d see my ohio plates and go, “did you DRIVE through the mountains in that?” and every. single. time. I’d go, “well, they didn’t airlift me!”

it killed. it absolutely cleared ever time. never failed to make the dads laugh. they were obsessed. i said it the same every time. it was like I was in a groundhog day timeloop on interstate 70 westbound gas stations. and you know what? I was happy.

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I really like winnie the pooh, Can you draw winnie the pooh pleaseeeeee

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The answer to "What the h*ck goes on on those islands to the North and West of mainland Scotland?" by Derek Guy @/dieworkwear on twitter [x]

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dave and busters what the fuck is a sticky creebler

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some vibes presented without elaboration

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Laptops are always so much more Fucked than phones in my experience. A laptop is like a beautiful horse that wants nothing more than to break all of its legs. A decently solid android phone will act normal

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i saw you and your male friend across the bar and noticed you're extremely weird about each other in various platonic and/or romantic ways Mind if i obsereve

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ARCANE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS S2 EP7 ↔ S2EP9 (2021-2024) ↳ "Sometimes, taking a leap forward means... leaving a few things behind."