#but friends in London I am SO psyched for you

[ariadne-mouse]

ROLE (role) CRITICAL (critical)

[hand-picked-star]

The 13th Anniversary Arshi Fiesta

Moodboard : Historical AU

Whispers of the heart | Chapter 17

I am not very good at writing ffs. I even read ffs very selectively. But it was an attempt of me to participate in the 13th-anniversary arshi fiesta.

The story is set in early 20th century. I might be wrong about certain aspects of that age and era, but it's a fantasy, so why not? I don't own Arnav and Khushi and the story is purely fictional and has no relation to any living or dead. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Thank you notes: For this chapter I want to thank @featheredclover as she asked me to write about their London life, I got a chance to delve into their psyche and got to write about their fears and insecurities. And also like to thank my husband as I annoyed the living shit out of him by asking how did he think Arnav would react to certain questions.😂😂 and last but not the least @phuljari who inspired me to write in the first place.❤️

Chapter 17

“I’m hungry. Let’s go out to eat tonight,” Khushi suggested, as she and Arnav lounged on the sofa, both worn out from their earlier activities.

"But we need to shower first. Let's save some water, Mrs. Raizada."

Before Khushi could react, he swept her off her feet. She yelped in surprise, as his strong arms carried her towards their bathroom.

After a while, they found themselves sitting across from each other in a nearby Indian restaurant. Arnav looked at her amusedly as she ordered to her heart's content.

"Kadai paneer, tarke wale daal, sarso ka saag, rasun aur dhaniye ki chutney umm....haan jeere wale chawal, naan aur haan makhan wala naan." Then she looked at Arnav expectantly. "Don't tell me you will only have water," she teased, causing him to break into a grin.

"Order for me too."

"Ek plain naan aur daal makhni, tarke mein mirchi kam dalke, thik hain?"

Arnav took Khushi's hand across the table as the waiter went away to prepare their meal. He played with her fingers absentmindedly.

"What exactly did Lavanya tell you?" His voice was calm but curious.

"I met her at the market the other day," Khushi began, noticing the way his eyes narrowed at her words.

"In this part of the city?"

"Yes. She mentioned they have a farmhouse nearby where... you and she spent last summer together."

Arnav's eyes darkened briefly, but he remained silent, prompting her to continue.

"Then we went to a coffee shop. She said it was your favourite.... that you two frequented it last summer."

Arnav chuckled softly. "She didn't actually lie. She just omitted some crucial details."

Khushi frowned. "I don't understand."

"It’s true we were at that farmhouse last summer," her heart almost stopped at his admission. "But she conveniently left out the ten other people who were there with us as well. Every summer, Mr. Kashyap invites his apprentices to spend a week at his farmhouse with him and his family before the vacation."

"And as for the coffee shop," Arnav continued, "we used to go there as a group every evening during our stay at the farmhouse. It's just an okayish place, nothing special. That you already know since you've been there."

A silence fell between them as they both absorbed the situation, each lost in their own thoughts. The bustling energy of the restaurant faded into the background as they reflected on their conversation. The clinking of dishes and the murmur of other diners became a distant hum. Arnav’s fingers, still gently caressing hers, seemed to hold a comforting warmth, while Khushi’s gaze lingered on him, curious to know more.

"Did Mr. Kashyap give you the proposal that summer?"

"Yes," Arnav replied thoughtfully. "I actually know Lavanya from university. She was my junior but we were in the same debate group... and as time went on, our social circles began to overlap. One of my friends back then suggested I should pursue Lavanya. At the time, I wasn't actually looking for any distraction. I had this one-track mind to finish the course as soon as possible and go home. After graduation, I started my apprenticeship...I didn’t really see her again until last summer when she began attending the Inns of Court parties."

It was as if Khushi’s curiosity was increasing exponentially. She wanted to know so much more but didn’t want to ruin their evening. Still, she decided to let her heart take control and ask him everything she needed to know to find peace.

"Why didn't you marry her?"

"Because I was in love with someone else."

Khushi simply nodded, her lips forming a surprised 'o' as a rush of thoughts and emotions swirled in her mind. She wasn’t sure how to respond, the weight of his words hanging heavily between them.

"You see, Khushi, the summer before that, I kissed a very drunk girl who might not have been in her right consciousness, but she stole all of my senses....that beautiful girl gave me countless sleepless nights."

Her eyes held a playful accusation as she gazed at him, noticing the smirk dancing at the corner of his lips.

"Is that all?" Arnav asked. He had no desire to linger on this subject any longer.

Khushi hesitated and then blurted out, "How did she know about the scar on your left thigh?"

A deep furrow appeared between his eyebrows as he gazed at Khushi, the corners of his mouth set in a hard line. He sighed, "She took it too far, didn't she?"

After a brief pause, he said, "She was there when it happened. There's a lake nearby, and we all went fishing one afternoon. We found an old boat, and I cut my thigh on a sharp edge when we tried to get on it."

Arnav’s mind drifted to that day, recalling how Lavanya had insisted on dressing his wound. David rescued him by taking charge of the dressing himself, though he never missed a chance to remind Arnav of his favour.

Khushi felt a cloak of mortification settle over her. Her downcast eyes were fixed on his finger gently caressing her palm.

"She didn't actually lie about the scar too, I guess. She just said she would have an identical scar on her thigh like you. It was me who assumed the worst."

"That's exactly what she wanted you to assume. Don't feel bad about that." he chuckled humorlessly.

Khushi felt her cheeks burn. She felt utterly embarrassed for being fooled like that. She blinked a few times to clear the blurriness from her eyes. Arnav took her hand in his and gently tugged it, urging her to look at him.

"Hey, don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Fold in on yourself. You need to talk about what's bothering you, Khushi. Don't let it fester in your mind." He sighed, "You used to share everything with me. Now you don't. Did I do something wrong?"

"No," she replied with an embarrassed smile. "I've dumped so many pointless conversations on you over the years. You probably need a break. I don't want you to run away, scared by my ramblings."

He looked at her with an unreadable expression. His eyes softened, and his face transformed into the expression she adored—a look that made him a hundred times more handsome than usual.

"You aren't going to lose me, Khushi."

A lone tear escaped her eye as she gazed at the beautiful face of the man who had become her whole world. She longed for him to want her for the rest of his life, and only her. She wished these caramel-brown eyes would look at her as if she were his entire universe. She wanted him to dream only of her and to feel as if he would crumble into pieces if she ever stopped loving him. Because that’s how she felt about him, and she yearned for him to feel the same way.

"You have no idea how deeply I feel for you."

"I love you too, Mrs. Raizada."

"You mean comparing a small tree to an entire forest?" she said with a teasing smile as she brushed her tear away.

"A small tree, Mrs. Raizada? You could have at least compared it to a garden. You've just wounded me," he replied, feigning pain. Khushi broke into a fit of giggles, her laughter filling the space between them.

Their moment was interrupted when the waiter arrived with their food. Once the server left, Arnav’s eyes smoldered as he asked, "Do you really think it’s just a small tree?"

"I was just teasing you," she said with a soft smile. "Most of the time, I feel it's at least a small forest—except when I'm being a bit 'sanki'." She winked at him as she dug in.

As they stepped out of the restaurant after dinner, the chilling wind of London swept around them. It was noticeably colder than it had been all year. Arnav helped Khushi put on her scarf and coat, his movements gentle and attentive as he wrapped the fabric snugly around her. Khushi shivered despite the layers and rubbed her hands together. She edged closer to Arnav as they walked down the dimly lit streets.

"Why haven’t you brought your gloves?" Arnav scolded gently.

Before Khushi could respond, Arnav removed his left glove and handed it to her. She took it without thinking and blinked down at it.

"Put it on," he urged, coming to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Khushi slid the glove onto her hand. It was too large for her, but it still retained the warmth of his skin. Once her hand was covered, Arnav intertwined their gloved fingers and slipped his bare hand into his coat pocket, guiding Khushi to place her bare hand into her own pocket. As they walked hand in hand through the chilly night, a serene calm settled over them.

"Can I ask you a question?" Khushi said, tugging on his hand to get his attention.

"Mm-hmm."

"Why did you fall in love with me?"

"Um...because you kissed the hell out of me."

"Arnav, I’m serious," Khushi whined.

"What? I had dreamed about our first kiss for almost two years. Why can’t that be a valid reason?"

"You are impossible." Amusement and mirth sparkled in her eyes. "You know, I spent a lot of time last summer imagining what kind of person you would fall in love with one day."

"And?"

"I drew up a picture in my mind, you know, kind of like a blueprint."

"And It didn’t match you at all, did it?" he chuckled.

Surprised, Khushi looked at him and averted her eyes to look ahead.

"What was she like?"

"Strong, independent, smart," she whispered in the air, her voice barely audible over the rustling of the wind.

Arnav fell silent, his gaze thoughtful as he seemed lost in his own thoughts. Khushi watched him intently and wondered what he might be thinking, the pause stretching between them as she waited for him to speak.

"You’re right," he finally said. "That’s totally my type. And I got lucky to find someone who happens to give the best kisses as well." He leaned in to steal a kiss, muffling her protest. Straightening up, Khushi shot him a glare, but he just smiled and began walking, pulling her along with him.

"Buaji thik kehti hain, sanki ho tum. You are really mad." he said shaking his head. "That's why Lavanya unnerves you so much, isn't it? I won’t deny that she does have her own qualities, but I refuse to let you believe you're anything less."

"Come on, I know who I am," her voice so small.

"You don’t give yourself enough credit, do you?"

"What have I done in my life that makes you think I’m all of those things?"

He stopped walking and turned her to face him. "I’m not good with words, Khushi, but I want you to know that I’ve always admired your strength, even as a kid. You’ve even inspired me to keep going at times......and it absolutely breaks my heart to know that you see yourself as the total opposite."

He held her gaze and continued, "You chose to live, Khushi. You chose to love." She broke eye contact and looked over his shoulder. He gently tugged her hands to draw her closer to meet his gaze again. Reluctantly, she turned her eyes back to his, but they remained guarded.

"I am sure It took immense strength to keep going when all you wanted was to curl up and disappear. Yet, you gave life a second chance. Loving chachu and chachi as deeply as you loved your own parents wasn't easy, but you did it. You chose to find happiness with your new family..... Despite the bitterness of your past, you've held on to your inner child." He gave her a soft smile as her eyes shone, held captive by his gaze. "Now, look at yourself. You've grown into a kind, gentle and strong human being. And that’s truly remarkable, I think."

"And let’s not forget 'sexy,' too," He added under his breath, causing Khushi to let out a teary laugh.

As these two souls stood still, oblivious to the people and the chilly wind around them, they sought to uncover treasures in each other’s gaze. A slow smile ghosted over Khushi’s lips.

"You seem pretty good with words to me." Her eyes sparkled in the street lights as she said accussingly, "But you still didn't answer my question."

His lips curved into the half-smile Khushi loved so much as he kissed the tip of her nose, which was turning red from the cold. "You are my blueprint, Khushi."

"Come on, I don’t want to freeze to death," Arnav said, dragging her along as she giggled. The echos of her laughter danced in the cold wind.

As they neared their house, Khushi gently pulled a somewhat reluctant Arnav toward her favourite bench. The quiet of the neighbourhood seemed to invite a moment of stillness. Khushi settled comfortably against him, resting her head on his shoulder. With a contented sigh, she closed her eyes and took in the serene surroundings—the faint rustling of leaves, the distant hum of the city, and the gentle embrace of Arnav beside her. The world seemed to pause for a moment, and she savoured the peace and warmth of the simple, shared tranquillity.

“Mujhe yeh bohot accha lag raha hai,” Khushi said softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Kya?” Arnav asked, turning slightly to look at her.

“Yeh—ap, hum, aur hamari choti si duniya,” she replied, a gentle smile playing on her lips. The warmth in her words wrapped around them like a cozy blanket.

Smiling, he pressed his cheek against her head.The world around them seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of them in their own little bubble.

“Do you remember me as a child, like before my parents died?” Khushi asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them.

“Yeah, I do. you were like a tiny human being. It’s amazing how something so small could be so annoying,” Arnav said with twinkling eyes.

She shoved him playfully, and they both laughed, the sound echoing in the stillness of the night.

“I don’t remember much,” Arnav admitted after a bit, his tone turning nostalgic. “But I do remember you being a very happy kid.”

Arnav chuckled as a specific memory came to mind. “One time, we went to your haveli during Diwali. You were stuffing your face with jalebis. I asked you for one, and do you know what you did?”

Khushi shook her head.

"You stuck your tongue out at me and told me to lick your fingers,” Arnav continued, laughing at the recollection. “Even then, you were obsessed with me.”

Khushi rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips. To emphasize her mock annoyance, she stuck her tongue out at him just like she did back then.

Without missing a beat, he gently grabbed her by the neck and kissed her sweetly. The kiss was soft and lingering.

As they pulled apart, the first droplets of rain began to fall, turning into a light drizzle. Arnav looked up at the sky, then back at Khushi. He momentarily got stuck in that moment. She looked so beautiful, so serene, it stole his breath. Her hair, escaping from her scarf and slightly tousled from their kiss, framed her face beautifully. The soft glow of the streetlights cast a gentle light on her features, making her eyes sparkle like stars. Her lips, still curved in a tender smile, were slightly flushed, and her cheeks had a rosy tint from the cold, with rain droplets catching in her eyelashes and glistening like tiny jewels.

Reluctantly, they hurried towards the house hand in hand, his eyes never leaving hers. The drizzle quickly transformed into a heavy downpour, the rain creating a symphony of splashing water around them. They barely made it inside before the rain came down in full force, drenching the world outside.

<previous> | <next>

@featheredclover @arshifiesta @phuljari

[queenshelby]

Yes! Mr Murphy (Rewritten)

PART 40: BACKFLASH

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Lots of Angst, Age Gap, Teacher x Student, Pregnancy Loss, Infertility

PLEASE COMMENT AND ENGAGE!

Backflash - Cillian's & Kit's Pov

It was the evening before your impending trip to London when Kit arrived at Cillian's apartment. They were going to discuss Cillian's schedule for June and July but, when Kit arrived, he noticed that she seemed distressed and somewhat sad.

Sensing that something was wrong, Cillian decided to see whether Kit was feeling alright first before getting to the nitty gritty of his promotional activities.

He led towards the sofa and gave her a moment to compose herself. Once settled, he took a seat next to her, careful to retain his distance before, finally, he asked her what happened. 

"You seem upset. Are you alright?" he queried, his brow furrowed with concern. His compassionate nature made it impossible for him to remain indifferent while observing Kit's obvious struggle.

Her eyes misted over towards him, and she confessed, "To be completely honest, yes, I am fine physically. It's just... my mental state is struggling a bit lately."

She hesitated slightly, gathering courage to share another aspect of her troubled soul with Cillian. And so, she explained further, "Remember my friend, Catherine?"  

Cillian nodded in acknowledgment.

"Well, she passed away one year ago today, and... I...don't know. I have just thinking about it a lot lately," Kit stammered while Cillian saw the pain etched upon her features, and without consciously thinking about it, his hand instinctively reached out to hers in a comforting manner.

"I am sorry Kit. It must be hard dealing with that loss," Cillian offered sympathy, understanding the depth of pain she carried.

Kit felt grateful for Cillian's presence, appreciative of his unwavering support during these difficult times as he squeezed her hand.

"Thanks, Cillian," she murmured, brushing her thumb across his knuckle, finding solace in physical contact with him, seeking comfort beyond words and, whilst this situation was somewhat awkward now, Cillian did not think anything about it.

"You know we can discuss work another day and if you don't want to come to London tomorrow, I understand," he offered, his tone light-hearted yet considerate. He understood the gravity of the loss, its effects on one's psyche. He himself had dealt with immense tragedies in his personal life too - those experiences taught him well.

"No, I am going to be fine Cillian. Thank you," Kit reassured him earnestly. "Despite, I really am looking forward to the BAFTAs" she told her boss, hiding her true intentions from him, adding an extra layer of subterfuge to her plan. 

"That makes at least one of us then," Cillian chuckled, trying to lighten the mood with humor. 

"You really hate publicity events, don't you?" Kit laughed momentarily and, although Cillian knew that her question was rhetoric, he answered it.

"True, indeed!" he smiled while Kit took advantage of this momentary lapse of vigilance to change the subject onto more familiar grounds, knowing full well that this might be her chance.

"Do you remember when we met, at this publicity event in Paris. You were promoting Peaky Blinders and were totally out of depth with the interviewer's questions," Kit recalled while steering the conversation closer to the darker corners of their relationship. 

Cillian winced slightly, recalling that interview vividly – he had found himself flustered, unable to find the right answers to some probing questions. 

"The questions were pretty inappropriate, to be fair," he countered, his voice laced with faint irony.

"Oh, sure they were! But still, your charm got you through it and it also got you a new admirer, namely Kim McGhee!" Kit grinned playfully, flashing her pearl white teeth in a teasing manner.

"Kim McGhee is one of the interviewers tomorrow and she still has a massive crush on you!" she stated casually. This time, instead of simply replying, Cillian looked up sharply and fixed his intense, blue-colored eyes on Kit. 

"And I will try to avoid her at all costs!" Cillian exclaimed half-joking. 

"Smart, especially since you are bringing your girlfriend to the event," Kit continued, maintaining eye contact with him. Cillian's face turned serious as he realized where this line of conversation was heading.

"You really don't approve of her, do you?" Cillian observed warily, choosing his words carefully.

"Y/N? Not exactly. She seems lovely but, let's be frank, there's quite a gap in terms of age between you two," Kit responded diplomatically, tactfully pointing out the elephant in the room. She didn't wish to offend Cillian unnecessarily, nor stir up conflicts. Instead, she sought to create cracks within your bond, sowing seeds of doubt.

"Your agency is concerned about your image and your publicity team wonders about why you would you choose to date someone so much younger than you?" she ventured, attempting to undermine Cillian's decision to be with you.

Feeling slight annoyance creep in, Cillian tried his best to defend his choices. "Look, Kit, I appreciate your concerns, but I don't care about what the press has to say about me. I am entitled to be with whomever I want to be and, quite frankly, love isn't measured based on age," Cillian defended his choice passionately, refusing to allow anyone to dictate whom he could fall in love with.

"Yes, but what about your career?" Kit persisted, determined to plant seeds of doubt in Cillian's head. "The agency thinks that you should keep your relationship on the low-down until the end of the year so that the Oppenheimer promotion will not be impacted negatively". She paused briefly, giving Cillian enough space to process her argument before proceeding with greater force. "We shouldn't ignore how people perceive you," she urged persuasively, making certain points with deliberation, keen to influence his perspective.

Cillian grew increasingly frustrated, but couldn't shake the nagging doubts raised by Kit who, firmly, reached for his hands again.

"This is the most important year of your career, Cillian," she pleaded softly, hoping that he would recognize the importance of managing his image. "You owe it to yourself to secure your future," she reasoned calmly, her brown eyes piercing deeply into his own.

"Kit, I...," he began to say but his words were interrupted abruptly as Kit leaned toward him, pressing her lips against his, her fingers clasping his neck tightly. It wasn't entirely planned; neither was it completely spontaneous either. The air between them hung heavy as Cillian was caught by surprise. 

Kit's actions were not what he had expected and, quickly, he pulled away from her, leaving no doubt about his stance.

"Kit, stop," he uttered sternly, drawing back from her. Her heart raced wildly, having taken a risk which she hadn't anticipated failing so rapidly. 

"What happened between us a few months ago was a mistake and I don't want to repeat that mistake, ever again," Cillian clarified adamantly, setting clear boundaries regarding his unwillingness to get romantically involved with Kit. "Please respect that boundary," he added solemnly, his expression betraying both his resolve and his disappointment.

Stunned by his reaction, Kit stood up reluctantly, her cheeks burning red with embarrassment and humiliation. 

"I am sorry. Today was tough and I am feeling overwhelmed," Kit apologized sincerely, recognizing her misstep. "It won't happen again," she reassured him. 

"It better not because, if it does, we cannot work together anymore. I hope you understand that," Cillian replied coldly, turning his attention elsewhere to escape any lingering awkwardness.

"I understand and I probably should go. We can talk about your schedule on the plane tomorrow 

since I'm traveling with you anyway," Kit suggested, averting her gaze and avoiding direct eye contact with Cillian, feeling the weight of guilt settling heavily upon her shoulders after crossing the boundaries she herself set earlier. With a heavy heart, she bid farewell to her employer, mentor, and long-desired lover, only to leave behind confusion, hurt, and desire imprinted on her once composed facade.

Meanwhile, Cillian sat alone in his living room, replaying the confrontational moments shared with Kit in his mind. He wondered whether allowing her to continue working with him may have been a grave error in judgment and, though he resisted her advances, the strain has mounted now, causing a considerable amount of stress within his usually peaceful life. 

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@heidimoreton @nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

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[itsnotamatterofif]

Hello friends, thought I should make a new post just to introduce myself since the brain rot is so intense I felt like I needed to make a side blog!

My name is Pebs, I’m 24 and I use they/she pronouns. I’m an nb lesbian living in the uk. My main is @femme-psyche (same on Bluesky).

I am mostly obsessed with the current incarnation of the show from 2024 since that’s the one I saw a few weeks ago and I have NOT stopped thinking about it since, however I love the Bochum/OG London characters very much too. They exist side by side in the yard of my mind. I have an old ass CB focused blog from like 2018 that I lost the password to.

My favourites are Hydra, Rusty, Dinah, and Greaseball. Pumping iron lives absolutely rent free in my brain.

I write fic! Just finished some Porter and Freight family Angst and my Hydra/Rusty SickFic (kinda). Currently writing too many things help. My asks are always open should you want a little 1k Drabble, but replies may be slow since I work full time.

Thinking about making a Hydra cosplay. I’ve never cosplayed before so tips and tricks are always appreciated

Standard DNI criteria. I am an adult, please bear in mind. I may post or reblog adult content, I will always tag this with #nsfw

My DMs are always open!! I have so many aus about these bleeding trains that I want to develop so talk to me about anything

I know the StEx fandom is bigger on the app formerly known as Twitter but I’m not touching that with a barge pole

[beacedocrime]

Welcome to

Artemis reads:

(JONATHAN IS BACK!!!!!)

"Then write now, my young friend," he said, laying a heavy hand on my shoulder: "write to our friend and to any other; and say, if it will please you, that you shall stay with me until a month from now."

"Do you wish me to stay so long?" I asked, for my heart grew cold at the thought.

I want to personally stake him through the heart actually

and besides, while Count Dracula was speaking, there was that in his eyes and in his bearing which made me remember that I was a prisoner, and that if I wished it I could have no choice. The Count saw his victory in my bow, and his mastery in the trouble of my face, for he began at once to use them, but in his own smooth, resistless way:—

While reading, externally, I was calmly sitting in a café, reading on my phone.

Internally, I was (and still am) turning the Count into a pincushion.

One of the letters was directed to Samuel F. Billington, No. 7, The Crescent, Whitby, another to Herr Leutner, Varna; the third was to Coutts & Co., London, and the fourth to Herren Klopstock & Billreuth, bankers, Buda-Pesth.

Oh, I wonder what sort of importance these people might have in the future. Which ones might be there just to fill names and which ones might actually appear.

"Let me advise you, my dear young friend—nay, let me warn you with all seriousness, that should you leave these rooms you will not by any chance go to sleep in any other part of the castle. It is old, and has many memories, and there are bad dreams for those who sleep unwisely. Be warned! Should sleep now or ever overcome you, or be like to do, then haste to your own chamber or to these rooms, for your rest will then be safe.

Oh, gee, I wonder what could be so dangerous about going to sleep around the castle. Surely Jonathan isn't going to fall asleep on a couch partly just to spite Dracula.

I quite understood; my only doubt was as to whether any dream could be more terrible than the unnatural, horrible net of gloom and mystery which seemed closing around me.

I love this man far too much for my own good, how am I gonna withstand the later entries when just this sentence makes me feel so bad for him.

Jonathan Harker why are you so lovable aghhhhhhh

I am beginning to feel this nocturnal existence tell on me. It is destroying my nerve. I start at my own shadow, and am full of all sorts of horrible imaginings. God knows that there is ground for my terrible fear in this accursed place!

I knew this was gonna start affecting his psyche sooner or later

I looked out over the beautiful expanse, bathed in soft yellow moonlight till it was almost as light as day. In the soft light the distant hills became melted, and the shadows in the valleys and gorges of velvety blackness. The mere beauty seemed to cheer me; there was peace and comfort in every breath I drew.

Yes, yes, grab whatever shred of happiness and joy you can find, and hold onto it, kicking and screaming if you have to, because you're going to need it, my friend.

As I leaned from the window my eye was caught by something moving a storey below me, and somewhat to my left, where I imagined, from the order of the rooms, that the windows of the Count's own room would look out.

Is this. Is this what I think it is. Oh my god I completely forgot today was Lizard Fashion Day

What I saw was the Count's head coming out from the window. I did not see the face, but I knew the man by the neck and the movement of his back and arms. [...]

But my very feelings changed to repulsion and terror when I saw the whole man slowly emerge from the window and begin to crawl down the castle wall over that dreadful abyss, face down with his cloak spreading out around him like great wings. [...]

I saw the fingers and toes grasp the corners of the stones, worn clear of the mortar by the stress of years, and by thus using every projection and inequality move downwards with considerable speed, just as a lizard moves along a wall.

LIZARD FASHION DAY.

I was at first interested and somewhat amused, for it is wonderful how small a matter will interest and amuse a man when he is a prisoner.

Also this line 😭 Jonathan please stop making me sad The HorrorsTM haven't even properly started yet

What manner of man is this, or what manner of creature is it in the semblance of man? I feel the dread of this horrible place overpowering me; I am in fear—in awful fear—and there is no escape for me; I am encompassed about with terrors that I dare not think of…

screams into the abyss

Not to worry, my newest blorbo going through SituationsTM is causing me no stress whatsoever.

Anyway on a completely different note, I need you all to know that if Dracula has haters, I am one of them. If Dracula has one(1) hater, I am them. If Dracula has no haters, I am dead. That is all. Thank you.

May 11 / May 16

[msbeanfl]

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Fragment #2: Orphans of Spite

Hush now, no scribble nor scratch, not a single sound. Betrayal by stylograph would be an ironic ending, although it would come all too soon. I hide amidst crates, stolen away by a dirigible. This story would not end in New Newgate, no. This story is only just beginning.

It has been some time, dear journal. Allow me to bring you up to speed.

Alighting from the dirigible, subterranean London became my new home. My identity shattered, memories still fading, I sought comfortable street corners at every avenue. Fortunately enough I still have my wit – and as such began work for a rather distractible investigator on Moloch Street. Nevertheless I felt aimless without sense of self, and found myself wandering into Spite on one odd eve.

Spite makes orphans of us all. All too frequently people push away that which they do not understand; this depressing truth extends even into our interactions with other people. And we do this all without ever asking the question: is it that you cannot understand, or that you simply refuse to?

My mind whirls with such questions. And when my psyche begins to buckle under the stress of such equations, I seek out the place of refuge I had discovered on that fateful night.

If you ever find yourself walking the streets of Spite, you might be beholden to an inexplicable sight: a solitary bench perched on high - positioned all so precariously, between the turrets of the tallest spire. Unreachable, insurmountable, unobtainable.

It was barely my second week in London, but I took what little my new name possessed and invested in rope and pitons. Without funds for a harness I still committed to the climb, establishing a foothold, inch by cautious inch, until finally I claimed my prize. And for a while, that bench became my home.

My perennial palace of serenity sat high above the busy streets, and although the climb retained some difficulty it was still worth the stillness of mind that ascent afforded. However, as with all things in this fallen city, oddities began blooming like dandelions.

Mysterious packages, echoing giggles, and an uncanny sense of being watched. At first, they bided their time from a distance. To my surprise, their unidentified parcels contained the occasional aid; and all the more surprising to my false sense of security, I otherwise received cruel pranks. I must have been a good sport, for after a while my mysterious benefactors finally revealed themselves.

My bench is no longer quiet. It is now home to a rowdy gaggle of urchins, who still are beholden to their own whims whether they bring gifts or grief. I tried showing them some of my work, and despite lacking in literacy they cherished my gift of words. In return, I was given a name.

Artichoke, Boots, Slipper, Truncheon. I know not the naming conventions of these guttersnipes, but they named me Bean. I was brought to tears by their kindness, and even more so when they tried to pass it off as an exchange of convenience: my namesake predecessor was a close friend of theirs who passed from this world all too soon, and they were determined not to let it go to waste.

And similarly determined am I - Ms Bean - to ensure that this newfound life of mine isn't simply tossed away. Despite its missing letters and borrowed nouns, I shall make this identity my own.

My memories fade. My old life is all but vanished now. New memories blossom in the wake of this strange new reality. And finally, I feel more myself than ever before.

[circusgoth-dotcom]

Tea Time Interruptions

Ship: The Mad Hatter (Tarrant Hightopp) x Gabriel Renard Kingsleigh, familial Gabriel & Alice

Word Count: 1059

Summary: Some Gabriel/Hatter interactions and the moment when Alice returns to Underland.

Tag List: @canongf @rexscanonwife @dudefrommywesterns @futurewife

Gabriel would never regret leaving London for this miraculous place, but things sure did get dull being confined to tea time for all eternity. After being accepted by the Underland Underground Resistance, despite not being Alice, he couldn’t wander far without somehow finding himself back at that long, messy table. At least on his walks there was Cheshire to talk to and strange things to observe.

And he’d never say anything bad about Hatter, either. His loyal companion after three years of wandering Underland alone. During that time, he only knew Absolem, the caterpillar, and the Cheshire Cat. Considering both of them knew the rest of the resistance, Gabriel was surprised he hadn’t come into contact with them sooner.

Gabriel sighed as he wandered back into the charred clearing where his friends sat, returning from another fruitless wander.

“Welcome back, Gabriel!” Mallymkun called. Gabriel waved, stifling a yawn. “See anything interesting?”

“‘Lo, all. Same old, same old. Had a lovely chat with Absolem. Do you think he’s going to build a cocoon soon?”

“A what?”Thackery interjected and Gabriel waved his hand dismissively as he took up the empty seat next to Hatter.

“Never mind.”

“Darling, where’s your smile gone?” Hatter lightly prodded, his bejewelled hand falling on top of his. “Do you want me to sing something for you?”

Gabriel forced a small smile, looking into his large, green eyes and giving his fingers a squeeze. He suddenly clapped his hands and stood up on his chair.

“Everyone, we must cheer Gabriel up! I say we sing the Unbirthday Song, we haven’t done that one in a while, have we?”

As Hatter struck up a chorus of jumbled crooning, Gabriel’s mood lightened slightly. He always appreciated Hatter’s efforts to keep his attention, whether it was assuring him things would change “soon” or a performance like the one he was experiencing now. He had a good heart, even if his head wasn’t all there. He clapped politely once the singing stopped and tittered as Hatter sat back down and pulled him into his lap, leaving butterfly kisses on his cheeks.

“Feel better, my love?”

“Oh yes, of course. How could a frown last when I have you?” Gabriel hummed, reaching up to play with his partner’s wild red hair. They began to share sweet, rapid kisses that lit up Gabriel’s cheeks like roses. Hatter felt so very blessed to have him. He’d never experienced the feelings he had for him for anybody else. Slowly, the kisses stopped as they both realized the table had gotten rather quiet.

Gabriel turned on Hatter’s knee, smiling lopsidedly before freezing, his eyes glued to a tiny figure approaching the opposite end of the table. Behind his back, Hatter’s eyes widened, as if they weren’t already typically the size of saucers.

“Alice???” Gabriel’s own voice sounded so far from its source. Hatter suddenly stood, accidentally shunting Gabriel forward and into the table's edge.

“Oh dear, oh dear, I’m so sorry my love,” he quickly apologized with a whimper as they hobbled to the side, rubbing their stomach.

“It’s quite fine... you’re as surprised as I am... though how do you...?” He wheezed, but once Hatter was sure they were alright he had climbed onto the table and strode toward the girl with long, blonde hair.

“That isn’t Alice!” Mallymkun insisted frustratedly as Gabriel watched Hatter tower over who was surely his younger sister. She was no bigger than a doll, which was borderline distressing for Gabriel’s psyche, but it was her.

“Oh, but this is absolutely Alice. I would know you anywhere...” Hatter looked back at his friends, calling manically, “I would know him anywhere!”

With that, Hatter took her tiny hand between his fingers and hopped back onto the table, leading her back to his seat. Neither of the siblings was paying attention to his ramblings as they met each other’s eyes.

“Gabriel!” Alice yelled out as Hatter settled back into his seat. Bewildered, he looked between the two.

“Do you two know each other??”

“Tarrant, you do remember how I told you I had sisters, correct? An older and a younger? That in fact one was named Alice, like the foretold hero of this land?”

Hatter nodded.

“Well,” Gabriel paused, attempting to regulate his breathing as his grey eyes fell upon Alice. “This is her. My dear younger sister. But why on Earth are you so tiny?!”

“It’s a long story, why on Earth are you in this place?? I thought mother had you sent away!”

Gabriel’s visage turned slightly sickly as he sat upon his own chair. “Is that what she told people?” He scoffed, resting his chin atop the backs of his hands. “Unsurprising... no I... we had a fight one night and I left the house to get some air... and I saw the most peculiar thing...”

“A rabbit in a waistcoat?”

“Yes! How did you know?”

“That’s the exact reason why I’m here!”

“And both times McTwisp has brought us someone it’s been the wrong person!” Mallymkun butt in, eying Alice suspiciously.

Gabriel and Alice spoke at once; “But I am Alice!” / “But she is Alice!”

“How can we know this is the Alice from the Oraculum?”

“Well he looks an awful lot like him, doesn’t he?” Hatter interjected. Gabriel shook his head, confused.

“Tarrant, why do you keep referring to her as ‘he?’”

“That’s what the Oraculum says,” Hatter shrugged, scratching at the corner of his lips with his pinky.

“Let me see this Oraculum.”

“Absolem has it,” Cherishe’s voice suddenly reached the table and Gabriel turned around once more.

“Cheshire, will you accompany me to visit him?”

Hatter’s brow furrowed. “Why not me?”

Gabriel took his hand. “Because I need you to stay here with Alice. Please, Tarrant, I-I need to figure out what’s going on.”

“Tarrant, I know we don’t always get along, but I assure you, Gabriel’s in good paws.”

Hatter huffed slightly but remained seated when Gabriel stood. He kissed their hand.

“Thank you, my love,” Gabriel whispered before following the floating cat into the thick and blackened woods. He had never expected to see any of his family members again, let alone Alice out of all of them. Still, through the shock, he was almost glad to see her. Perhaps he would get the chance to make up lost time after all.

[ojcobsessed]

Helming Jamie Childs' new crime-thriller, the actor talks tuning into a character, writing out their history and embracing the spontaneity of his own.

BY SOPHIE WANG

In early January 2022, as the rest of us added layer upon layer, watching the temperatures drop to zero, Oliver Jackson-Cohen travelled north of his London home and jumped bravely into the North Sea. “I’m really proud of the whole movie, but I’m quite proud that we all made it out alive, really,” he tells me nine months later, home safe with rays of morning sun separating us from the realities of his time filming, Jackdaw.

The debut feature from TV writer and director Jamie Childs (The Sandman, His Dark Materials), Jackdaw tells the story of Jackson-Cohen’s Jack Dawson, a former motocross champion and army veteran who, in an effort to support his younger brother, agrees to pick up a mysterious package in the North Sea, only to find himself tricked and his brother kidnapped. Subsequently, Jackdaw — as he’s better known — embarks on a one-night, breakneck journey through Northern England’s rust belt on his bike, reconnecting with his past as the subtleties in his complex backstory and familial history slowly unravel against a backdrop of nail-biting action.

The nuanced portrayal of such a character could possibly only be achieved by Jackson-Cohen, who seamlessly masters the art of tuning into his character’s psyche. Since a childhood trip to see Home Alone in the cinema, the 36-year-old has been fascinated by the possibility of disappearing into someone else’s world and delving into their stories. Subsequently booking his first job at 15 years old, the London native has spent the past decade and a half immersed in alternate worlds, from the horrors of 2018’s The Haunting of Hill House and 2020’s The Invisible Man to the post-WWII reality of Man in an Orange Shirt and the 19th-century Yorkshire of last year’s Emma Mackie-led, Emily. He mentions twice in our chat that at this point in his journey, he feels “like 150 years old”, and it’s hard to be surprised. Between time-travelling, fronting countless stories and embodying dozens of different people, he’s lived many lives.   “I always think it's quite funny that this passion was born as a kid and here I am as an adult doing it,” he laughs. “I do sometimes think: ‘Is that the smartest fucking thing?’ Because when you're a kid, you have all of these ideas and they're not the smartest ones.”

Though some of his childhood plays (written and directed by him and his friends) may have had “zero plot”, as Jackson-Cohen tells me, and it took him a bit of time in his early twenties to figure out the projects that would resonate with him, it is safe to say that his childhood dream was definitely not a bad idea. “I think with any passion that stems from childhood, the drive is so insane. I think with anything creative, you have to have this insane determination, regardless of where it stems from. It's just this weird drive forward that you kind of can't stop.” He pauses. “I feel like I've had many iterations of a career. I look back at the stuff I was doing in my early twenties and it was very much what I was told to be doing. I think it takes time to make mistakes and learn from those to actually find out what it is that resonates with you. Ultimately, I think it probably has something to do with exploring something that I'm not looking at in myself and being able to unlock that, to explore that with a character.”

Hearing this, it is easy to see why the Jackdaw lead would be a perfect fit for the role. However, he didn’t originally believe the part should be his. “I'd met Jamie Childs on a job I was on before and we got to know each other genuinely,” he explains. “He started to talk to me about this idea, this script that he was writing and when he was finished, he called me up and asked if I’d read it. Then he went, ‘Will you play Jackdaw?’ And I immediately said, ‘Jamie, I don't think I'm the right person for that. Do you know who you should hire? You should hire this person.’ And he was like, ‘No.’ And I was like, ‘No, do you know what? You should hire this person...’ And I kept throwing ideas at him.” Eventually, perhaps after exhausting every other option for Childs, the actor agreed and dove headfirst into the lead, making it implausible that his alternative suggestion could have embodied it so definitively.

“I feel like all of us jumped in because of our belief in Jamie,” he says. “And I think to have your protagonist be someone that is flawed and vulnerable and not your [stereotypical] sort of action hero was such a clever move on his end. It just felt like nothing I'd ever been a part of before. And there was something in that script about someone feeling like there isn't a place where they belong and being thrown into a position of having to care for someone and the tragedy that's gone on with their mum… all of that became a really interesting thing to play around with.”

Building out a character’s story is one of the most exciting parts of the job for Jackson-Cohen. With Jackdaw, this meant lots of meetings and discussions with Childs and co-star Jenna Coleman, who plays his love interest, Bo. “We sat down and hashed out when they were together and how long they were together and what happened and when the last time they saw each other was,” he says. “I think what’s so clever with Jamie is that he doesn't really over-explain, but he drops these pebbles as you go. And I think they're quite effective. It’s like, you know Jack's been away in the army. You don't really know why, but whatever it was, it wasn't good. So it was trying to figure out, 'okay, what was it?' And I don't think you necessarily see it on screen, but for me, my favourite part of it is trying to write out a life for them.”

For Jackson-Cohen, with any story he portrays, getting into character isn’t necessarily about becoming someone else. Rather, it’s about tapping into what’s already within him. “It’s like when you're in a music studio,” he says. “You've got all those dials and it's about turning something up that exists within you that you don't necessarily tap into and turning certain other things down. It's all coming from you.”

“In real life, I rarely get emotional, and I think it's because I have this outlet,” he continues. “There's this space where you can go and it's safe to experience and feel all of this stuff. It’s this weird, playful safety bubble that you get to go off to and play around where, ultimately, it’s real in the moment, but it's not real in your life.”

However, sometimes his body doesn’t register the difference between his own experiences and those of his character. “I played a character in the past who was a heroin addict and that was really hard [to get out of] because you are left with this inherent heaviness of all the stuff that you've created and felt in your head,” he explains. “Or earlier this year, I did a film set around the beginning of the Holocaust. And so you’d come home at the end of the day and you’d know it's not real, but your body can't really tell the difference. So you get these weird sort of hangovers if it's incredibly heavy and emotional. You know it's not real, but your body's playing catch up.”

“The older I get, the more embarrassed I get to say that this is my job because it's such a fucking stupid job. But also, I absolutely love it.” He laughs. “I feel so unbelievably grateful that I get to do this as a job. I always eye-roll when actors say things like, ‘Oh, it's such a privilege,’ but I do feel incredibly grateful because I get to go off and explore these parts of humanity that I would never otherwise.”

While he might endeavour to plot out the history of his characters, Jackson-Cohen’s very much letting his own future write itself. “Part of the exciting thing about being an actor is that you don't really know what's going to come in or what you're going to read that's going to excite you. I want to be surprised. I'd love to work here, in small filmmaking, with first-time directors, telling stories that people may love or hate, anything that's trying to say something a little different.” He pauses. “But until I read it, I won't know.”

Jackdaw is out in UK cinemas now and Wilderness is available to watch on Prime Video!

[tameblog]

My adventures of having a therapist and teacher who put us both into a bit of a situation. And the best food to soothe the gut and recharge your brain. In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. This week’s crazy story Right, so this story is a bit of a doozy and I’ve never shared it before except with a few close friends. So why not share it all over the internet, right? The reason I’m sharing this story though is because I feel it deals with a really important topic. And that is boundaries. Let’s talk boundaries When I say boundaries, I don’t mean fences or stone walls or anything like that. I’m talking about the boundaries that we all set that say to people, “You can come here but no closer”. For those who don’t know, boundaries are our (mostly unconscious) way of telling people what is and is not OK. So for example your boundaries with your friends are probably very different to those with your coworkers. Friends can most likely get closer to you, not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. You probably wouldn’t move away from a friend in an elevator if they were standing fairly close to you, whereas with a stranger, you would. Right? We talk about personal space and that’s one kind of boundary. Now why am I prefacing my story with talk about boundaries? Well, because this story is all about violating someone’s boundaries – in this case, mine – without even touching them. And this kind of behavior is just not OK. Although it does make for an interesting story, as you’ll see. It started in a bookstore This story takes place not in Paris as with some of my previous episodes, but in London, England. And it starts in a used bookstore. My son was very small – he was about a year old – and he and I often found ourselves in used bookstores, whether we wanted to be there or not, because his dad loves books. He wanted to browse and scour all the shelves searching for whatever books caught his eye. While my son and I were waiting, I spotted a flyer on a bulletin board advertising training in a particular method of therapy that sounded really exciting. I won’t say exactly what it was because this isn’t about name calling and the story involves the founder of that method. And, you know, I don’t want to use real names because the purpose isn’t to name and shame, it’s just to tell a story. I looked at the flyer and my intuition said, “You need to do this course. It’s perfect for you”. So I wrote down the phone number and the website address and looked it up at home. And sure enough, it looked fantastic. It was a full year of training in a small group to become a therapist using this method. I could even use my vocal skills, so I thought ‘wow that really is perfect!’ Very exciting…at first I signed up for the course and was very excited on my first day. Beforehand I had already read a bit about the method’s founder, whom I’ll call Chris. I was really looking forward to learning from him. We were definitely a small group – there were twelve of us, plus Chris and his two female assistants. And the training was very intense. Chris told us that he wanted to ‘break down the walls of our egos’ (and if this sounds like something a leader of a religious sect might say, well yes you’re right. How did you know?) So what followed were some very long days of exploring our own inner psyches using Chris’ method – we did this in the mornings usually. Then in the afternoons we would do group work, so trust exercises, therapy games etc. We also always had some kind of circle time where we would talk about things that had come up during our group and individual explorations of our inner worlds. Chris was the lead therapist, and we were all like his clients. We were learning by exploring our psyches and then using him and his therapeutic skills to deal with what came up. Dealing with heavy stuff, and ego-breaking exercises And I have to say that some of the stuff that came up was pretty heavy. Things that people had repressed for years, or that they remembered vaguely but had never explored. Or that they didn’t even remember until the work we were doing brought a memory to the surface. I can’t go into details for obvious reasons, but we’re talking childhood abuse, family members committing suicide, birth trauma, that kind of stuff. So not exactly what you’d chat about over a coffee, right? Some of the exercises were pretty interesting as well, as was the homework. One assignment I remember was that for 3 days we had to create a blanket fort in our homes (now that does sound like fun, right?) and we had to live in there. We also had to eat our food without using our hands from a bowl on the floor. Sounds weird, right? I mean now you probably definitely think I’m nuts! I mean I’m all for self-exploration, but I have to say that my son’s dad thought I was nuts. My son thought it was normal – I mean he spent a lot of time crawling around on the floor anyway so he probably figured Mommy was playing like he was. It was interesting to say the least, and I know I did have some deep realization or other during that process but for some reason I can’t remember for the life of me what that was. But that’s not important. Is he skilled, or is he psychic? Anyway exercises like this make you a bit vulnerable, and we very quickly came to depend on Chris in the all-day sessions for his help and support. He was very, very skilled – extremely good at what he did, and he would see things in people that left you thinking, ‘Is he psychic? How did he see that?’ It was incredible to watch. So we all, I think, admired him. Certainly for me, I had him on this therapist pedestal – I admired him as a teacher, a trainer and a therapist. Nothing more than that though. One day we were learning about two aspects of a relationship between therapist and client that are crucial to understand if you want to be a good therapist. And those aspects are transference, and countertransference. I need to explain them so that you understand what comes next. But it’s pretty logical and I’m going to give a very simplistic explanation here. Transference and countertransference Transference is a process where the client unconsciously transfers feelings that they have for someone in their life onto the therapist. So for example let’s say a therapist is helping a woman get over her difficult relationship with her brother. At some stage in the therapy, that woman can start to transfer her feelings for her brother – good and bad – onto the therapist. The mind does this to help us work through those feelings, because the therapist is a ‘safe’ version of her brother. The client can rant and rave or say things to the therapist-as-brother that she perhaps wouldn’t feel able to express to her real brother. And a good therapist knows about this process and is smart enough to work with that transference. For example if the woman starts ranting at him in the way she used to at her brother, the therapist can use that dynamic to respond to her in a way that can help her move forward. This is very simplistic, so if you’re listening and you’re a therapist, please forgive me. I know it goes deeper than that but I’m just trying to get across the basic idea because of what comes next in my story. An example of countertransference Let’s say then that the woman is ranting at the therapist because in her unconscious mind he has become her brother, in a sense. In a perfect world, the therapist wouldn’t take this personally. He or she would be thinking ‘Well her transference is that I’m her brother, I know this, so I won’t take this personally’. But therapists, like the rest of us, are human. And they do react to the client’s transference – which we call countertransference. In the case of the ranting woman, the therapist’s reaction – his or her countertransference – could be anger. It could be fear. It could be any number of things depending on the therapist’s own personal history. And a good therapist will recognize that if he or she starts to feel a strong emotional response, then perhaps the client is unwittingly triggering some of the therapist’s own personal stuff. Cause we all have our personal stuff, right? We all have buttons that people can push, regardless of how much personal development we do. It’s just that usually the more personal development you do, the more difficult it can be for someone to push your buttons. But the buttons are still there. And now the story gets tricky… So here’s where my story gets tricky. One day we were in our circle time talking after we’d done some group work, I think this was about 3 months into the course, and Chris wanted to talk about his reactions to each of us as people. Well, as clients. He wanted to do this because he was convinced that his reactions to us were based on our stuff. In other words, his countertransference. He went round the circle saying things to people like “With you, Jim, I feel on edge a lot of the time. I wonder where that has shown up for you in your life?” or “With you, Anna, I feel protective, like I want to look after you to make sure no-one hurts you. Where could that come from?”. Then he got to me – and he said the thing that (according to the books I read that he recommended we read) NO therapist is ever supposed to say. He said, “With you, I feel a lot of sexual energy, a very primal kind of attraction”. No, no, no! Therapists are NEVER supposed to tell a client that they are sexually attracted to them, countertransference or not! Clients – and students – are fragile people. And we were in the middle of a very intense psychological process of breaking down barriers and uncovering any unresolved issues in our lives. It was hard, scary work and none of us needed this kind of complication. Especially as we were such a small group, working together in one room for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Delayed hearing? Yup, that’s a thing Now Chris threw this particular bombshell 3 months into the course, but interestingly I didn’t actually hear him say it until 3 more months had gone by. My mind literally blocked out his words in the moment he spoke them, it wouldn’t let me hear them to protect myself. Unfortunately my subconscious heard them and the dynamic between us changed after that day. You might think that’s weird, but this does happen. There are moments when we just don’t hear something because, yeah, our mind protects us and it just gets blocked out. Whereas before, he was the teacher, therapist and innovator that I admired, now he was a dangerous threat. The problem though was that because my conscious mind didn’t let me hear his words until months later (when a comment from someone in the class unlocked my memory), I didn’t understand why suddenly I was afraid of him. During our group exercises there was so much tension between us that it affected everyone, especially me, I think. The worst part though was that as the course progressed, I started to get more and more upset, and he somehow had managed to convince himself and the rest of the class that I had “started it”. He was convinced that his attraction to me was simply his countertransference due to “my stuff” even though he was the one who had said to me out of the blue that he was attracted to me. And he had some of the other students believing that I was more than a bit like unhinged. Which was just really annoying, especially once I’d remembered what had actually happened. My ego was having a great time And the other annoying thing or challenging thing was that there’s a very thin line between massive admiration for someone and attraction. So as the course progressed it was difficult to not feel a response to the mega teacher saying he was attracted to you. I felt singled out in some way, and if I’m honest, it made me feel important. Right? Suddenly I had something that no-one else on the course had. Well I know now that the whole scenario was pretty ridiculous if not embarrassing. I think of it now and it makes me (almost) want to laugh, but how often have we felt important over something that actually wasn’t that important at all? My ego was basically having a field day. So I’m sure that’s happened to you, right? Anyway even with the huge cloud of tension hanging over my head, I did manage to finish the year. Ironically when we had completed our last assignment, he gave me the only compliment for the entire year. On the last day. How Chris really saw me In our final circle time, he went round to each person and said what he wished for them and/or what he could see them achieving with what they’d learned. And as usual it was super perceptive and absolutely incredible, actually. It was one of those moments when again you were like, ‘is this guy psychic?’ When he got to me, he said “Out of everyone here, you’re the one who I can most see doing what I did. You’re the one I can see creating your own method and taking it out into the world to affect change”. So of course I felt like screaming – if he thought I was that good, why on earth couldn’t he have told me that, instead of talking about his feelings of attraction and stuff. Anyway! My conclusion My conclusion looking back on all of this is that circumstances can create feelings that aren’t real. As soon as a few weeks had gone by, after the course, the whole attraction thing felt false. And while he really should NOT have said what he did, it taught me a lot and I’m very grateful for the experience. I learned that our minds can create all kinds of stories, his and mine and everybody else’s. And if we take a step back from the situation – or in my case a couple of years’ distance – we can see the experience in a different light. Which makes me question how much of what we experience in our day to day lives is real truth? How much of what we think is happening, or what we think others are thinking and feeling comes from our own stories? We speak a little bit about this in my episode with Corrina, with Corrina’s story which I’ll link to as well. The other things I learned were within the method itself, which is absolutely amazing and I do use it for many things today. I gained an invaluable tool, even though it cost me a bit of heartache to get it. And I also learned how strong I can be and about the different kinds of people that I can help. So was it all worth it? Definitely. It’s all life experience, right? Even the blanket fort and eating out of the bowl. All good! Can you disappear from Google? I never found out what happened to Chris after that, except that he left the country shortly afterwards. And his two female assistants left the course at the end of the year, at the same time I and the other students did. They would never say why, but I do wonder why they both left. A few years ago I even tried Googling Chris to see what he was up to, and I found…are you ready? Nothing! Nothing! A founder of a fabulous therapeutic method who has written several books…and I found nothing. It’s like he’s disappeared from the face of the earth. But even so, like how can you disappear from Google? Right? Amazing. I guess it’s possible. Anyway, I share this story for anyone who ever starts a therapeutic journey. Yes I learned a lot, but it was definitely the hard way. So make sure you’re in good hands, and if your therapist or trainer starts making noises like “Oh I find you attractive”, take my advice and run the other way! Food to soothe the gut So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. And that food is… avocado! Benefits of avocado There are so many benefits of avocado, it’s ridiculous. Avocado is a great food to soothe the gut because it can actually help restore the lining of your stomach and intestines. It also has anti-inflammatory compounds that work like aspirin but without thinning the blood. So if you have any kind of condition where your digestive system is upsetting you, so things like IBS etc, any kind of irritation in your digestive tract, then you definitely want some avocado. Because as a food to soothe the gut, it’s one of the best. Also avocados are one of the best-known foods for the brain. Their omega 6s can help restore our central nervous system and can help alleviate conditions like Alzheimer’s, dementia, ADHD, things like that. So I don’t know about you, but my central nervous system could definitely use a reboot sometimes. And yeah, avocados are just the thing. They also have anti-ageing benefits: they’re great for the skin and they can even help reduce dark circles under your eyes. And they’re even great for your hair – you can mix some avocado – ripe avocado obviously – with your favorite conditioner and use it as a hair mask. The other neat thing about avocados is that the fats that they contain are similar to those in breast milk! It actually makes an amazing first food for babies along with bananas. And on an emotional level, avocados are like a ‘mother fruit’. They nurture us at a very deep level. Think of them as the supreme ‘comfort food’ – that’s actually good for you. The next time you want to reach out for a comfort food, as many of us do, reach for an avocado instead and see what happens. How to pick and store avocados Here’s the best way to tell if an avocado is ripe: Press gently near the stem. There should be a bit of give. If it’s too soft, it’s too ripe and may be stringy. You don’t want that. If there’s no give, it’s too hard and isn’t ripe yet. The color should also be uniform, where possible, whether it’s the lighter or darker green variety. Now for storing avocados, they’re best kept out of the refrigerator because cool air spoils their flavor. It just ruins them. Keep them at room temperature until you’re ready to eat them. I have heard that people freeze avocados, I haven’t tried that myself. You can try that if you want. I know it’s possible but I haven’t done it, I always eat them fresh. How to eat avocado The easiest way to eat avocado is to obviously just slice them down the middle, take out the seed (just stick a sharp knife into it and pull) and scoop out the flesh with a spoon. You can puree it with a fork if you’re giving it to a baby, or if you just want to make yourself some speedy guacamole. Just mix in some diced tomato, a squeeze of lemon juice, a dash of sea salt, maybe a bit of chili powder if you like spicy things, and then instant guacamole! I have lots of recipes that go great with avocado in my 5-Minute Salads & Sauces ebook, and I’ll post the link in the show notes. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES 5-Minute recipe ebooks: More about the benefits of avocados here: Article on avocados as first foods for babies: Source link

[ramestoryworld]

My adventures of having a therapist and teacher who put us both into a bit of a situation. And the best food to soothe the gut and recharge your brain. In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. This week’s crazy story Right, so this story is a bit of a doozy and I’ve never shared it before except with a few close friends. So why not share it all over the internet, right? The reason I’m sharing this story though is because I feel it deals with a really important topic. And that is boundaries. Let’s talk boundaries When I say boundaries, I don’t mean fences or stone walls or anything like that. I’m talking about the boundaries that we all set that say to people, “You can come here but no closer”. For those who don’t know, boundaries are our (mostly unconscious) way of telling people what is and is not OK. So for example your boundaries with your friends are probably very different to those with your coworkers. Friends can most likely get closer to you, not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. You probably wouldn’t move away from a friend in an elevator if they were standing fairly close to you, whereas with a stranger, you would. Right? We talk about personal space and that’s one kind of boundary. Now why am I prefacing my story with talk about boundaries? Well, because this story is all about violating someone’s boundaries – in this case, mine – without even touching them. And this kind of behavior is just not OK. Although it does make for an interesting story, as you’ll see. It started in a bookstore This story takes place not in Paris as with some of my previous episodes, but in London, England. And it starts in a used bookstore. My son was very small – he was about a year old – and he and I often found ourselves in used bookstores, whether we wanted to be there or not, because his dad loves books. He wanted to browse and scour all the shelves searching for whatever books caught his eye. While my son and I were waiting, I spotted a flyer on a bulletin board advertising training in a particular method of therapy that sounded really exciting. I won’t say exactly what it was because this isn’t about name calling and the story involves the founder of that method. And, you know, I don’t want to use real names because the purpose isn’t to name and shame, it’s just to tell a story. I looked at the flyer and my intuition said, “You need to do this course. It’s perfect for you”. So I wrote down the phone number and the website address and looked it up at home. And sure enough, it looked fantastic. It was a full year of training in a small group to become a therapist using this method. I could even use my vocal skills, so I thought ‘wow that really is perfect!’ Very exciting…at first I signed up for the course and was very excited on my first day. Beforehand I had already read a bit about the method’s founder, whom I’ll call Chris. I was really looking forward to learning from him. We were definitely a small group – there were twelve of us, plus Chris and his two female assistants. And the training was very intense. Chris told us that he wanted to ‘break down the walls of our egos’ (and if this sounds like something a leader of a religious sect might say, well yes you’re right. How did you know?) So what followed were some very long days of exploring our own inner psyches using Chris’ method – we did this in the mornings usually. Then in the afternoons we would do group work, so trust exercises, therapy games etc. We also always had some kind of circle time where we would talk about things that had come up during our group and individual explorations of our inner worlds. Chris was the lead therapist, and we were all like his clients. We were learning by exploring our psyches and then using him and his therapeutic skills to deal with what came up. Dealing with heavy stuff, and ego-breaking exercises And I have to say that some of the stuff that came up was pretty heavy. Things that people had repressed for years, or that they remembered vaguely but had never explored. Or that they didn’t even remember until the work we were doing brought a memory to the surface. I can’t go into details for obvious reasons, but we’re talking childhood abuse, family members committing suicide, birth trauma, that kind of stuff. So not exactly what you’d chat about over a coffee, right? Some of the exercises were pretty interesting as well, as was the homework. One assignment I remember was that for 3 days we had to create a blanket fort in our homes (now that does sound like fun, right?) and we had to live in there. We also had to eat our food without using our hands from a bowl on the floor. Sounds weird, right? I mean now you probably definitely think I’m nuts! I mean I’m all for self-exploration, but I have to say that my son’s dad thought I was nuts. My son thought it was normal – I mean he spent a lot of time crawling around on the floor anyway so he probably figured Mommy was playing like he was. It was interesting to say the least, and I know I did have some deep realization or other during that process but for some reason I can’t remember for the life of me what that was. But that’s not important. Is he skilled, or is he psychic? Anyway exercises like this make you a bit vulnerable, and we very quickly came to depend on Chris in the all-day sessions for his help and support. He was very, very skilled – extremely good at what he did, and he would see things in people that left you thinking, ‘Is he psychic? How did he see that?’ It was incredible to watch. So we all, I think, admired him. Certainly for me, I had him on this therapist pedestal – I admired him as a teacher, a trainer and a therapist. Nothing more than that though. One day we were learning about two aspects of a relationship between therapist and client that are crucial to understand if you want to be a good therapist. And those aspects are transference, and countertransference. I need to explain them so that you understand what comes next. But it’s pretty logical and I’m going to give a very simplistic explanation here. Transference and countertransference Transference is a process where the client unconsciously transfers feelings that they have for someone in their life onto the therapist. So for example let’s say a therapist is helping a woman get over her difficult relationship with her brother. At some stage in the therapy, that woman can start to transfer her feelings for her brother – good and bad – onto the therapist. The mind does this to help us work through those feelings, because the therapist is a ‘safe’ version of her brother. The client can rant and rave or say things to the therapist-as-brother that she perhaps wouldn’t feel able to express to her real brother. And a good therapist knows about this process and is smart enough to work with that transference. For example if the woman starts ranting at him in the way she used to at her brother, the therapist can use that dynamic to respond to her in a way that can help her move forward. This is very simplistic, so if you’re listening and you’re a therapist, please forgive me. I know it goes deeper than that but I’m just trying to get across the basic idea because of what comes next in my story. An example of countertransference Let’s say then that the woman is ranting at the therapist because in her unconscious mind he has become her brother, in a sense. In a perfect world, the therapist wouldn’t take this personally. He or she would be thinking ‘Well her transference is that I’m her brother, I know this, so I won’t take this personally’. But therapists, like the rest of us, are human. And they do react to the client’s transference – which we call countertransference. In the case of the ranting woman, the therapist’s reaction – his or her countertransference – could be anger. It could be fear. It could be any number of things depending on the therapist’s own personal history. And a good therapist will recognize that if he or she starts to feel a strong emotional response, then perhaps the client is unwittingly triggering some of the therapist’s own personal stuff. Cause we all have our personal stuff, right? We all have buttons that people can push, regardless of how much personal development we do. It’s just that usually the more personal development you do, the more difficult it can be for someone to push your buttons. But the buttons are still there. And now the story gets tricky… So here’s where my story gets tricky. One day we were in our circle time talking after we’d done some group work, I think this was about 3 months into the course, and Chris wanted to talk about his reactions to each of us as people. Well, as clients. He wanted to do this because he was convinced that his reactions to us were based on our stuff. In other words, his countertransference. He went round the circle saying things to people like “With you, Jim, I feel on edge a lot of the time. I wonder where that has shown up for you in your life?” or “With you, Anna, I feel protective, like I want to look after you to make sure no-one hurts you. Where could that come from?”. Then he got to me – and he said the thing that (according to the books I read that he recommended we read) NO therapist is ever supposed to say. He said, “With you, I feel a lot of sexual energy, a very primal kind of attraction”. No, no, no! Therapists are NEVER supposed to tell a client that they are sexually attracted to them, countertransference or not! Clients – and students – are fragile people. And we were in the middle of a very intense psychological process of breaking down barriers and uncovering any unresolved issues in our lives. It was hard, scary work and none of us needed this kind of complication. Especially as we were such a small group, working together in one room for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Delayed hearing? Yup, that’s a thing Now Chris threw this particular bombshell 3 months into the course, but interestingly I didn’t actually hear him say it until 3 more months had gone by. My mind literally blocked out his words in the moment he spoke them, it wouldn’t let me hear them to protect myself. Unfortunately my subconscious heard them and the dynamic between us changed after that day. You might think that’s weird, but this does happen. There are moments when we just don’t hear something because, yeah, our mind protects us and it just gets blocked out. Whereas before, he was the teacher, therapist and innovator that I admired, now he was a dangerous threat. The problem though was that because my conscious mind didn’t let me hear his words until months later (when a comment from someone in the class unlocked my memory), I didn’t understand why suddenly I was afraid of him. During our group exercises there was so much tension between us that it affected everyone, especially me, I think. The worst part though was that as the course progressed, I started to get more and more upset, and he somehow had managed to convince himself and the rest of the class that I had “started it”. He was convinced that his attraction to me was simply his countertransference due to “my stuff” even though he was the one who had said to me out of the blue that he was attracted to me. And he had some of the other students believing that I was more than a bit like unhinged. Which was just really annoying, especially once I’d remembered what had actually happened. My ego was having a great time And the other annoying thing or challenging thing was that there’s a very thin line between massive admiration for someone and attraction. So as the course progressed it was difficult to not feel a response to the mega teacher saying he was attracted to you. I felt singled out in some way, and if I’m honest, it made me feel important. Right? Suddenly I had something that no-one else on the course had. Well I know now that the whole scenario was pretty ridiculous if not embarrassing. I think of it now and it makes me (almost) want to laugh, but how often have we felt important over something that actually wasn’t that important at all? My ego was basically having a field day. So I’m sure that’s happened to you, right? Anyway even with the huge cloud of tension hanging over my head, I did manage to finish the year. Ironically when we had completed our last assignment, he gave me the only compliment for the entire year. On the last day. How Chris really saw me In our final circle time, he went round to each person and said what he wished for them and/or what he could see them achieving with what they’d learned. And as usual it was super perceptive and absolutely incredible, actually. It was one of those moments when again you were like, ‘is this guy psychic?’ When he got to me, he said “Out of everyone here, you’re the one who I can most see doing what I did. You’re the one I can see creating your own method and taking it out into the world to affect change”. So of course I felt like screaming – if he thought I was that good, why on earth couldn’t he have told me that, instead of talking about his feelings of attraction and stuff. Anyway! My conclusion My conclusion looking back on all of this is that circumstances can create feelings that aren’t real. As soon as a few weeks had gone by, after the course, the whole attraction thing felt false. And while he really should NOT have said what he did, it taught me a lot and I’m very grateful for the experience. I learned that our minds can create all kinds of stories, his and mine and everybody else’s. And if we take a step back from the situation – or in my case a couple of years’ distance – we can see the experience in a different light. Which makes me question how much of what we experience in our day to day lives is real truth? How much of what we think is happening, or what we think others are thinking and feeling comes from our own stories? We speak a little bit about this in my episode with Corrina, with Corrina’s story which I’ll link to as well. The other things I learned were within the method itself, which is absolutely amazing and I do use it for many things today. I gained an invaluable tool, even though it cost me a bit of heartache to get it. And I also learned how strong I can be and about the different kinds of people that I can help. So was it all worth it? Definitely. It’s all life experience, right? Even the blanket fort and eating out of the bowl. All good! Can you disappear from Google? I never found out what happened to Chris after that, except that he left the country shortly afterwards. And his two female assistants left the course at the end of the year, at the same time I and the other students did. They would never say why, but I do wonder why they both left. A few years ago I even tried Googling Chris to see what he was up to, and I found…are you ready? Nothing! Nothing! A founder of a fabulous therapeutic method who has written several books…and I found nothing. It’s like he’s disappeared from the face of the earth. But even so, like how can you disappear from Google? Right? Amazing. I guess it’s possible. Anyway, I share this story for anyone who ever starts a therapeutic journey. Yes I learned a lot, but it was definitely the hard way. So make sure you’re in good hands, and if your therapist or trainer starts making noises like “Oh I find you attractive”, take my advice and run the other way! Food to soothe the gut So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. And that food is… avocado! Benefits of avocado There are so many benefits of avocado, it’s ridiculous. Avocado is a great food to soothe the gut because it can actually help restore the lining of your stomach and intestines. It also has anti-inflammatory compounds that work like aspirin but without thinning the blood. So if you have any kind of condition where your digestive system is upsetting you, so things like IBS etc, any kind of irritation in your digestive tract, then you definitely want some avocado. Because as a food to soothe the gut, it’s one of the best. Also avocados are one of the best-known foods for the brain. Their omega 6s can help restore our central nervous system and can help alleviate conditions like Alzheimer’s, dementia, ADHD, things like that. So I don’t know about you, but my central nervous system could definitely use a reboot sometimes. And yeah, avocados are just the thing. They also have anti-ageing benefits: they’re great for the skin and they can even help reduce dark circles under your eyes. And they’re even great for your hair – you can mix some avocado – ripe avocado obviously – with your favorite conditioner and use it as a hair mask. The other neat thing about avocados is that the fats that they contain are similar to those in breast milk! It actually makes an amazing first food for babies along with bananas. And on an emotional level, avocados are like a ‘mother fruit’. They nurture us at a very deep level. Think of them as the supreme ‘comfort food’ – that’s actually good for you. The next time you want to reach out for a comfort food, as many of us do, reach for an avocado instead and see what happens. How to pick and store avocados Here’s the best way to tell if an avocado is ripe: Press gently near the stem. There should be a bit of give. If it’s too soft, it’s too ripe and may be stringy. You don’t want that. If there’s no give, it’s too hard and isn’t ripe yet. The color should also be uniform, where possible, whether it’s the lighter or darker green variety. Now for storing avocados, they’re best kept out of the refrigerator because cool air spoils their flavor. It just ruins them. Keep them at room temperature until you’re ready to eat them. I have heard that people freeze avocados, I haven’t tried that myself. You can try that if you want. I know it’s possible but I haven’t done it, I always eat them fresh. How to eat avocado The easiest way to eat avocado is to obviously just slice them down the middle, take out the seed (just stick a sharp knife into it and pull) and scoop out the flesh with a spoon. You can puree it with a fork if you’re giving it to a baby, or if you just want to make yourself some speedy guacamole. Just mix in some diced tomato, a squeeze of lemon juice, a dash of sea salt, maybe a bit of chili powder if you like spicy things, and then instant guacamole! I have lots of recipes that go great with avocado in my 5-Minute Salads & Sauces ebook, and I’ll post the link in the show notes. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES 5-Minute recipe ebooks: More about the benefits of avocados here: Article on avocados as first foods for babies: Source link

[alexha2210]

My adventures of having a therapist and teacher who put us both into a bit of a situation. And the best food to soothe the gut and recharge your brain. In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. This week’s crazy story Right, so this story is a bit of a doozy and I’ve never shared it before except with a few close friends. So why not share it all over the internet, right? The reason I’m sharing this story though is because I feel it deals with a really important topic. And that is boundaries. Let’s talk boundaries When I say boundaries, I don’t mean fences or stone walls or anything like that. I’m talking about the boundaries that we all set that say to people, “You can come here but no closer”. For those who don’t know, boundaries are our (mostly unconscious) way of telling people what is and is not OK. So for example your boundaries with your friends are probably very different to those with your coworkers. Friends can most likely get closer to you, not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. You probably wouldn’t move away from a friend in an elevator if they were standing fairly close to you, whereas with a stranger, you would. Right? We talk about personal space and that’s one kind of boundary. Now why am I prefacing my story with talk about boundaries? Well, because this story is all about violating someone’s boundaries – in this case, mine – without even touching them. And this kind of behavior is just not OK. Although it does make for an interesting story, as you’ll see. It started in a bookstore This story takes place not in Paris as with some of my previous episodes, but in London, England. And it starts in a used bookstore. My son was very small – he was about a year old – and he and I often found ourselves in used bookstores, whether we wanted to be there or not, because his dad loves books. He wanted to browse and scour all the shelves searching for whatever books caught his eye. While my son and I were waiting, I spotted a flyer on a bulletin board advertising training in a particular method of therapy that sounded really exciting. I won’t say exactly what it was because this isn’t about name calling and the story involves the founder of that method. And, you know, I don’t want to use real names because the purpose isn’t to name and shame, it’s just to tell a story. I looked at the flyer and my intuition said, “You need to do this course. It’s perfect for you”. So I wrote down the phone number and the website address and looked it up at home. And sure enough, it looked fantastic. It was a full year of training in a small group to become a therapist using this method. I could even use my vocal skills, so I thought ‘wow that really is perfect!’ Very exciting…at first I signed up for the course and was very excited on my first day. Beforehand I had already read a bit about the method’s founder, whom I’ll call Chris. I was really looking forward to learning from him. We were definitely a small group – there were twelve of us, plus Chris and his two female assistants. And the training was very intense. Chris told us that he wanted to ‘break down the walls of our egos’ (and if this sounds like something a leader of a religious sect might say, well yes you’re right. How did you know?) So what followed were some very long days of exploring our own inner psyches using Chris’ method – we did this in the mornings usually. Then in the afternoons we would do group work, so trust exercises, therapy games etc. We also always had some kind of circle time where we would talk about things that had come up during our group and individual explorations of our inner worlds. Chris was the lead therapist, and we were all like his clients. We were learning by exploring our psyches and then using him and his therapeutic skills to deal with what came up. Dealing with heavy stuff, and ego-breaking exercises And I have to say that some of the stuff that came up was pretty heavy. Things that people had repressed for years, or that they remembered vaguely but had never explored. Or that they didn’t even remember until the work we were doing brought a memory to the surface. I can’t go into details for obvious reasons, but we’re talking childhood abuse, family members committing suicide, birth trauma, that kind of stuff. So not exactly what you’d chat about over a coffee, right? Some of the exercises were pretty interesting as well, as was the homework. One assignment I remember was that for 3 days we had to create a blanket fort in our homes (now that does sound like fun, right?) and we had to live in there. We also had to eat our food without using our hands from a bowl on the floor. Sounds weird, right? I mean now you probably definitely think I’m nuts! I mean I’m all for self-exploration, but I have to say that my son’s dad thought I was nuts. My son thought it was normal – I mean he spent a lot of time crawling around on the floor anyway so he probably figured Mommy was playing like he was. It was interesting to say the least, and I know I did have some deep realization or other during that process but for some reason I can’t remember for the life of me what that was. But that’s not important. Is he skilled, or is he psychic? Anyway exercises like this make you a bit vulnerable, and we very quickly came to depend on Chris in the all-day sessions for his help and support. He was very, very skilled – extremely good at what he did, and he would see things in people that left you thinking, ‘Is he psychic? How did he see that?’ It was incredible to watch. So we all, I think, admired him. Certainly for me, I had him on this therapist pedestal – I admired him as a teacher, a trainer and a therapist. Nothing more than that though. One day we were learning about two aspects of a relationship between therapist and client that are crucial to understand if you want to be a good therapist. And those aspects are transference, and countertransference. I need to explain them so that you understand what comes next. But it’s pretty logical and I’m going to give a very simplistic explanation here. Transference and countertransference Transference is a process where the client unconsciously transfers feelings that they have for someone in their life onto the therapist. So for example let’s say a therapist is helping a woman get over her difficult relationship with her brother. At some stage in the therapy, that woman can start to transfer her feelings for her brother – good and bad – onto the therapist. The mind does this to help us work through those feelings, because the therapist is a ‘safe’ version of her brother. The client can rant and rave or say things to the therapist-as-brother that she perhaps wouldn’t feel able to express to her real brother. And a good therapist knows about this process and is smart enough to work with that transference. For example if the woman starts ranting at him in the way she used to at her brother, the therapist can use that dynamic to respond to her in a way that can help her move forward. This is very simplistic, so if you’re listening and you’re a therapist, please forgive me. I know it goes deeper than that but I’m just trying to get across the basic idea because of what comes next in my story. An example of countertransference Let’s say then that the woman is ranting at the therapist because in her unconscious mind he has become her brother, in a sense. In a perfect world, the therapist wouldn’t take this personally. He or she would be thinking ‘Well her transference is that I’m her brother, I know this, so I won’t take this personally’. But therapists, like the rest of us, are human. And they do react to the client’s transference – which we call countertransference. In the case of the ranting woman, the therapist’s reaction – his or her countertransference – could be anger. It could be fear. It could be any number of things depending on the therapist’s own personal history. And a good therapist will recognize that if he or she starts to feel a strong emotional response, then perhaps the client is unwittingly triggering some of the therapist’s own personal stuff. Cause we all have our personal stuff, right? We all have buttons that people can push, regardless of how much personal development we do. It’s just that usually the more personal development you do, the more difficult it can be for someone to push your buttons. But the buttons are still there. And now the story gets tricky… So here’s where my story gets tricky. One day we were in our circle time talking after we’d done some group work, I think this was about 3 months into the course, and Chris wanted to talk about his reactions to each of us as people. Well, as clients. He wanted to do this because he was convinced that his reactions to us were based on our stuff. In other words, his countertransference. He went round the circle saying things to people like “With you, Jim, I feel on edge a lot of the time. I wonder where that has shown up for you in your life?” or “With you, Anna, I feel protective, like I want to look after you to make sure no-one hurts you. Where could that come from?”. Then he got to me – and he said the thing that (according to the books I read that he recommended we read) NO therapist is ever supposed to say. He said, “With you, I feel a lot of sexual energy, a very primal kind of attraction”. No, no, no! Therapists are NEVER supposed to tell a client that they are sexually attracted to them, countertransference or not! Clients – and students – are fragile people. And we were in the middle of a very intense psychological process of breaking down barriers and uncovering any unresolved issues in our lives. It was hard, scary work and none of us needed this kind of complication. Especially as we were such a small group, working together in one room for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Delayed hearing? Yup, that’s a thing Now Chris threw this particular bombshell 3 months into the course, but interestingly I didn’t actually hear him say it until 3 more months had gone by. My mind literally blocked out his words in the moment he spoke them, it wouldn’t let me hear them to protect myself. Unfortunately my subconscious heard them and the dynamic between us changed after that day. You might think that’s weird, but this does happen. There are moments when we just don’t hear something because, yeah, our mind protects us and it just gets blocked out. Whereas before, he was the teacher, therapist and innovator that I admired, now he was a dangerous threat. The problem though was that because my conscious mind didn’t let me hear his words until months later (when a comment from someone in the class unlocked my memory), I didn’t understand why suddenly I was afraid of him. During our group exercises there was so much tension between us that it affected everyone, especially me, I think. The worst part though was that as the course progressed, I started to get more and more upset, and he somehow had managed to convince himself and the rest of the class that I had “started it”. He was convinced that his attraction to me was simply his countertransference due to “my stuff” even though he was the one who had said to me out of the blue that he was attracted to me. And he had some of the other students believing that I was more than a bit like unhinged. Which was just really annoying, especially once I’d remembered what had actually happened. My ego was having a great time And the other annoying thing or challenging thing was that there’s a very thin line between massive admiration for someone and attraction. So as the course progressed it was difficult to not feel a response to the mega teacher saying he was attracted to you. I felt singled out in some way, and if I’m honest, it made me feel important. Right? Suddenly I had something that no-one else on the course had. Well I know now that the whole scenario was pretty ridiculous if not embarrassing. I think of it now and it makes me (almost) want to laugh, but how often have we felt important over something that actually wasn’t that important at all? My ego was basically having a field day. So I’m sure that’s happened to you, right? Anyway even with the huge cloud of tension hanging over my head, I did manage to finish the year. Ironically when we had completed our last assignment, he gave me the only compliment for the entire year. On the last day. How Chris really saw me In our final circle time, he went round to each person and said what he wished for them and/or what he could see them achieving with what they’d learned. And as usual it was super perceptive and absolutely incredible, actually. It was one of those moments when again you were like, ‘is this guy psychic?’ When he got to me, he said “Out of everyone here, you’re the one who I can most see doing what I did. You’re the one I can see creating your own method and taking it out into the world to affect change”. So of course I felt like screaming – if he thought I was that good, why on earth couldn’t he have told me that, instead of talking about his feelings of attraction and stuff. Anyway! My conclusion My conclusion looking back on all of this is that circumstances can create feelings that aren’t real. As soon as a few weeks had gone by, after the course, the whole attraction thing felt false. And while he really should NOT have said what he did, it taught me a lot and I’m very grateful for the experience. I learned that our minds can create all kinds of stories, his and mine and everybody else’s. And if we take a step back from the situation – or in my case a couple of years’ distance – we can see the experience in a different light. Which makes me question how much of what we experience in our day to day lives is real truth? How much of what we think is happening, or what we think others are thinking and feeling comes from our own stories? We speak a little bit about this in my episode with Corrina, with Corrina’s story which I’ll link to as well. The other things I learned were within the method itself, which is absolutely amazing and I do use it for many things today. I gained an invaluable tool, even though it cost me a bit of heartache to get it. And I also learned how strong I can be and about the different kinds of people that I can help. So was it all worth it? Definitely. It’s all life experience, right? Even the blanket fort and eating out of the bowl. All good! Can you disappear from Google? I never found out what happened to Chris after that, except that he left the country shortly afterwards. And his two female assistants left the course at the end of the year, at the same time I and the other students did. They would never say why, but I do wonder why they both left. A few years ago I even tried Googling Chris to see what he was up to, and I found…are you ready? Nothing! Nothing! A founder of a fabulous therapeutic method who has written several books…and I found nothing. It’s like he’s disappeared from the face of the earth. But even so, like how can you disappear from Google? Right? Amazing. I guess it’s possible. Anyway, I share this story for anyone who ever starts a therapeutic journey. Yes I learned a lot, but it was definitely the hard way. So make sure you’re in good hands, and if your therapist or trainer starts making noises like “Oh I find you attractive”, take my advice and run the other way! Food to soothe the gut So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. And that food is… avocado! Benefits of avocado There are so many benefits of avocado, it’s ridiculous. Avocado is a great food to soothe the gut because it can actually help restore the lining of your stomach and intestines. It also has anti-inflammatory compounds that work like aspirin but without thinning the blood. So if you have any kind of condition where your digestive system is upsetting you, so things like IBS etc, any kind of irritation in your digestive tract, then you definitely want some avocado. Because as a food to soothe the gut, it’s one of the best. Also avocados are one of the best-known foods for the brain. Their omega 6s can help restore our central nervous system and can help alleviate conditions like Alzheimer’s, dementia, ADHD, things like that. So I don’t know about you, but my central nervous system could definitely use a reboot sometimes. And yeah, avocados are just the thing. They also have anti-ageing benefits: they’re great for the skin and they can even help reduce dark circles under your eyes. And they’re even great for your hair – you can mix some avocado – ripe avocado obviously – with your favorite conditioner and use it as a hair mask. The other neat thing about avocados is that the fats that they contain are similar to those in breast milk! It actually makes an amazing first food for babies along with bananas. And on an emotional level, avocados are like a ‘mother fruit’. They nurture us at a very deep level. Think of them as the supreme ‘comfort food’ – that’s actually good for you. The next time you want to reach out for a comfort food, as many of us do, reach for an avocado instead and see what happens. How to pick and store avocados Here’s the best way to tell if an avocado is ripe: Press gently near the stem. There should be a bit of give. If it’s too soft, it’s too ripe and may be stringy. You don’t want that. If there’s no give, it’s too hard and isn’t ripe yet. The color should also be uniform, where possible, whether it’s the lighter or darker green variety. Now for storing avocados, they’re best kept out of the refrigerator because cool air spoils their flavor. It just ruins them. Keep them at room temperature until you’re ready to eat them. I have heard that people freeze avocados, I haven’t tried that myself. You can try that if you want. I know it’s possible but I haven’t done it, I always eat them fresh. How to eat avocado The easiest way to eat avocado is to obviously just slice them down the middle, take out the seed (just stick a sharp knife into it and pull) and scoop out the flesh with a spoon. You can puree it with a fork if you’re giving it to a baby, or if you just want to make yourself some speedy guacamole. Just mix in some diced tomato, a squeeze of lemon juice, a dash of sea salt, maybe a bit of chili powder if you like spicy things, and then instant guacamole! I have lots of recipes that go great with avocado in my 5-Minute Salads & Sauces ebook, and I’ll post the link in the show notes. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES 5-Minute recipe ebooks: More about the benefits of avocados here: Article on avocados as first foods for babies: Source link

[angusstory]

My adventures of having a therapist and teacher who put us both into a bit of a situation. And the best food to soothe the gut and recharge your brain. In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. This week’s crazy story Right, so this story is a bit of a doozy and I’ve never shared it before except with a few close friends. So why not share it all over the internet, right? The reason I’m sharing this story though is because I feel it deals with a really important topic. And that is boundaries. Let’s talk boundaries When I say boundaries, I don’t mean fences or stone walls or anything like that. I’m talking about the boundaries that we all set that say to people, “You can come here but no closer”. For those who don’t know, boundaries are our (mostly unconscious) way of telling people what is and is not OK. So for example your boundaries with your friends are probably very different to those with your coworkers. Friends can most likely get closer to you, not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. You probably wouldn’t move away from a friend in an elevator if they were standing fairly close to you, whereas with a stranger, you would. Right? We talk about personal space and that’s one kind of boundary. Now why am I prefacing my story with talk about boundaries? Well, because this story is all about violating someone’s boundaries – in this case, mine – without even touching them. And this kind of behavior is just not OK. Although it does make for an interesting story, as you’ll see. It started in a bookstore This story takes place not in Paris as with some of my previous episodes, but in London, England. And it starts in a used bookstore. My son was very small – he was about a year old – and he and I often found ourselves in used bookstores, whether we wanted to be there or not, because his dad loves books. He wanted to browse and scour all the shelves searching for whatever books caught his eye. While my son and I were waiting, I spotted a flyer on a bulletin board advertising training in a particular method of therapy that sounded really exciting. I won’t say exactly what it was because this isn’t about name calling and the story involves the founder of that method. And, you know, I don’t want to use real names because the purpose isn’t to name and shame, it’s just to tell a story. I looked at the flyer and my intuition said, “You need to do this course. It’s perfect for you”. So I wrote down the phone number and the website address and looked it up at home. And sure enough, it looked fantastic. It was a full year of training in a small group to become a therapist using this method. I could even use my vocal skills, so I thought ‘wow that really is perfect!’ Very exciting…at first I signed up for the course and was very excited on my first day. Beforehand I had already read a bit about the method’s founder, whom I’ll call Chris. I was really looking forward to learning from him. We were definitely a small group – there were twelve of us, plus Chris and his two female assistants. And the training was very intense. Chris told us that he wanted to ‘break down the walls of our egos’ (and if this sounds like something a leader of a religious sect might say, well yes you’re right. How did you know?) So what followed were some very long days of exploring our own inner psyches using Chris’ method – we did this in the mornings usually. Then in the afternoons we would do group work, so trust exercises, therapy games etc. We also always had some kind of circle time where we would talk about things that had come up during our group and individual explorations of our inner worlds. Chris was the lead therapist, and we were all like his clients. We were learning by exploring our psyches and then using him and his therapeutic skills to deal with what came up. Dealing with heavy stuff, and ego-breaking exercises And I have to say that some of the stuff that came up was pretty heavy. Things that people had repressed for years, or that they remembered vaguely but had never explored. Or that they didn’t even remember until the work we were doing brought a memory to the surface. I can’t go into details for obvious reasons, but we’re talking childhood abuse, family members committing suicide, birth trauma, that kind of stuff. So not exactly what you’d chat about over a coffee, right? Some of the exercises were pretty interesting as well, as was the homework. One assignment I remember was that for 3 days we had to create a blanket fort in our homes (now that does sound like fun, right?) and we had to live in there. We also had to eat our food without using our hands from a bowl on the floor. Sounds weird, right? I mean now you probably definitely think I’m nuts! I mean I’m all for self-exploration, but I have to say that my son’s dad thought I was nuts. My son thought it was normal – I mean he spent a lot of time crawling around on the floor anyway so he probably figured Mommy was playing like he was. It was interesting to say the least, and I know I did have some deep realization or other during that process but for some reason I can’t remember for the life of me what that was. But that’s not important. Is he skilled, or is he psychic? Anyway exercises like this make you a bit vulnerable, and we very quickly came to depend on Chris in the all-day sessions for his help and support. He was very, very skilled – extremely good at what he did, and he would see things in people that left you thinking, ‘Is he psychic? How did he see that?’ It was incredible to watch. So we all, I think, admired him. Certainly for me, I had him on this therapist pedestal – I admired him as a teacher, a trainer and a therapist. Nothing more than that though. One day we were learning about two aspects of a relationship between therapist and client that are crucial to understand if you want to be a good therapist. And those aspects are transference, and countertransference. I need to explain them so that you understand what comes next. But it’s pretty logical and I’m going to give a very simplistic explanation here. Transference and countertransference Transference is a process where the client unconsciously transfers feelings that they have for someone in their life onto the therapist. So for example let’s say a therapist is helping a woman get over her difficult relationship with her brother. At some stage in the therapy, that woman can start to transfer her feelings for her brother – good and bad – onto the therapist. The mind does this to help us work through those feelings, because the therapist is a ‘safe’ version of her brother. The client can rant and rave or say things to the therapist-as-brother that she perhaps wouldn’t feel able to express to her real brother. And a good therapist knows about this process and is smart enough to work with that transference. For example if the woman starts ranting at him in the way she used to at her brother, the therapist can use that dynamic to respond to her in a way that can help her move forward. This is very simplistic, so if you’re listening and you’re a therapist, please forgive me. I know it goes deeper than that but I’m just trying to get across the basic idea because of what comes next in my story. An example of countertransference Let’s say then that the woman is ranting at the therapist because in her unconscious mind he has become her brother, in a sense. In a perfect world, the therapist wouldn’t take this personally. He or she would be thinking ‘Well her transference is that I’m her brother, I know this, so I won’t take this personally’. But therapists, like the rest of us, are human. And they do react to the client’s transference – which we call countertransference. In the case of the ranting woman, the therapist’s reaction – his or her countertransference – could be anger. It could be fear. It could be any number of things depending on the therapist’s own personal history. And a good therapist will recognize that if he or she starts to feel a strong emotional response, then perhaps the client is unwittingly triggering some of the therapist’s own personal stuff. Cause we all have our personal stuff, right? We all have buttons that people can push, regardless of how much personal development we do. It’s just that usually the more personal development you do, the more difficult it can be for someone to push your buttons. But the buttons are still there. And now the story gets tricky… So here’s where my story gets tricky. One day we were in our circle time talking after we’d done some group work, I think this was about 3 months into the course, and Chris wanted to talk about his reactions to each of us as people. Well, as clients. He wanted to do this because he was convinced that his reactions to us were based on our stuff. In other words, his countertransference. He went round the circle saying things to people like “With you, Jim, I feel on edge a lot of the time. I wonder where that has shown up for you in your life?” or “With you, Anna, I feel protective, like I want to look after you to make sure no-one hurts you. Where could that come from?”. Then he got to me – and he said the thing that (according to the books I read that he recommended we read) NO therapist is ever supposed to say. He said, “With you, I feel a lot of sexual energy, a very primal kind of attraction”. No, no, no! Therapists are NEVER supposed to tell a client that they are sexually attracted to them, countertransference or not! Clients – and students – are fragile people. And we were in the middle of a very intense psychological process of breaking down barriers and uncovering any unresolved issues in our lives. It was hard, scary work and none of us needed this kind of complication. Especially as we were such a small group, working together in one room for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Delayed hearing? Yup, that’s a thing Now Chris threw this particular bombshell 3 months into the course, but interestingly I didn’t actually hear him say it until 3 more months had gone by. My mind literally blocked out his words in the moment he spoke them, it wouldn’t let me hear them to protect myself. Unfortunately my subconscious heard them and the dynamic between us changed after that day. You might think that’s weird, but this does happen. There are moments when we just don’t hear something because, yeah, our mind protects us and it just gets blocked out. Whereas before, he was the teacher, therapist and innovator that I admired, now he was a dangerous threat. The problem though was that because my conscious mind didn’t let me hear his words until months later (when a comment from someone in the class unlocked my memory), I didn’t understand why suddenly I was afraid of him. During our group exercises there was so much tension between us that it affected everyone, especially me, I think. The worst part though was that as the course progressed, I started to get more and more upset, and he somehow had managed to convince himself and the rest of the class that I had “started it”. He was convinced that his attraction to me was simply his countertransference due to “my stuff” even though he was the one who had said to me out of the blue that he was attracted to me. And he had some of the other students believing that I was more than a bit like unhinged. Which was just really annoying, especially once I’d remembered what had actually happened. My ego was having a great time And the other annoying thing or challenging thing was that there’s a very thin line between massive admiration for someone and attraction. So as the course progressed it was difficult to not feel a response to the mega teacher saying he was attracted to you. I felt singled out in some way, and if I’m honest, it made me feel important. Right? Suddenly I had something that no-one else on the course had. Well I know now that the whole scenario was pretty ridiculous if not embarrassing. I think of it now and it makes me (almost) want to laugh, but how often have we felt important over something that actually wasn’t that important at all? My ego was basically having a field day. So I’m sure that’s happened to you, right? Anyway even with the huge cloud of tension hanging over my head, I did manage to finish the year. Ironically when we had completed our last assignment, he gave me the only compliment for the entire year. On the last day. How Chris really saw me In our final circle time, he went round to each person and said what he wished for them and/or what he could see them achieving with what they’d learned. And as usual it was super perceptive and absolutely incredible, actually. It was one of those moments when again you were like, ‘is this guy psychic?’ When he got to me, he said “Out of everyone here, you’re the one who I can most see doing what I did. You’re the one I can see creating your own method and taking it out into the world to affect change”. So of course I felt like screaming – if he thought I was that good, why on earth couldn’t he have told me that, instead of talking about his feelings of attraction and stuff. Anyway! My conclusion My conclusion looking back on all of this is that circumstances can create feelings that aren’t real. As soon as a few weeks had gone by, after the course, the whole attraction thing felt false. And while he really should NOT have said what he did, it taught me a lot and I’m very grateful for the experience. I learned that our minds can create all kinds of stories, his and mine and everybody else’s. And if we take a step back from the situation – or in my case a couple of years’ distance – we can see the experience in a different light. Which makes me question how much of what we experience in our day to day lives is real truth? How much of what we think is happening, or what we think others are thinking and feeling comes from our own stories? We speak a little bit about this in my episode with Corrina, with Corrina’s story which I’ll link to as well. The other things I learned were within the method itself, which is absolutely amazing and I do use it for many things today. I gained an invaluable tool, even though it cost me a bit of heartache to get it. And I also learned how strong I can be and about the different kinds of people that I can help. So was it all worth it? Definitely. It’s all life experience, right? Even the blanket fort and eating out of the bowl. All good! Can you disappear from Google? I never found out what happened to Chris after that, except that he left the country shortly afterwards. And his two female assistants left the course at the end of the year, at the same time I and the other students did. They would never say why, but I do wonder why they both left. A few years ago I even tried Googling Chris to see what he was up to, and I found…are you ready? Nothing! Nothing! A founder of a fabulous therapeutic method who has written several books…and I found nothing. It’s like he’s disappeared from the face of the earth. But even so, like how can you disappear from Google? Right? Amazing. I guess it’s possible. Anyway, I share this story for anyone who ever starts a therapeutic journey. Yes I learned a lot, but it was definitely the hard way. So make sure you’re in good hands, and if your therapist or trainer starts making noises like “Oh I find you attractive”, take my advice and run the other way! Food to soothe the gut So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. And that food is… avocado! Benefits of avocado There are so many benefits of avocado, it’s ridiculous. Avocado is a great food to soothe the gut because it can actually help restore the lining of your stomach and intestines. It also has anti-inflammatory compounds that work like aspirin but without thinning the blood. So if you have any kind of condition where your digestive system is upsetting you, so things like IBS etc, any kind of irritation in your digestive tract, then you definitely want some avocado. Because as a food to soothe the gut, it’s one of the best. Also avocados are one of the best-known foods for the brain. Their omega 6s can help restore our central nervous system and can help alleviate conditions like Alzheimer’s, dementia, ADHD, things like that. So I don’t know about you, but my central nervous system could definitely use a reboot sometimes. And yeah, avocados are just the thing. They also have anti-ageing benefits: they’re great for the skin and they can even help reduce dark circles under your eyes. And they’re even great for your hair – you can mix some avocado – ripe avocado obviously – with your favorite conditioner and use it as a hair mask. The other neat thing about avocados is that the fats that they contain are similar to those in breast milk! It actually makes an amazing first food for babies along with bananas. And on an emotional level, avocados are like a ‘mother fruit’. They nurture us at a very deep level. Think of them as the supreme ‘comfort food’ – that’s actually good for you. The next time you want to reach out for a comfort food, as many of us do, reach for an avocado instead and see what happens. How to pick and store avocados Here’s the best way to tell if an avocado is ripe: Press gently near the stem. There should be a bit of give. If it’s too soft, it’s too ripe and may be stringy. You don’t want that. If there’s no give, it’s too hard and isn’t ripe yet. The color should also be uniform, where possible, whether it’s the lighter or darker green variety. Now for storing avocados, they’re best kept out of the refrigerator because cool air spoils their flavor. It just ruins them. Keep them at room temperature until you’re ready to eat them. I have heard that people freeze avocados, I haven’t tried that myself. You can try that if you want. I know it’s possible but I haven’t done it, I always eat them fresh. How to eat avocado The easiest way to eat avocado is to obviously just slice them down the middle, take out the seed (just stick a sharp knife into it and pull) and scoop out the flesh with a spoon. You can puree it with a fork if you’re giving it to a baby, or if you just want to make yourself some speedy guacamole. Just mix in some diced tomato, a squeeze of lemon juice, a dash of sea salt, maybe a bit of chili powder if you like spicy things, and then instant guacamole! I have lots of recipes that go great with avocado in my 5-Minute Salads & Sauces ebook, and I’ll post the link in the show notes. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES 5-Minute recipe ebooks: More about the benefits of avocados here: Article on avocados as first foods for babies: Source link

[tumibaba]

My adventures of having a therapist and teacher who put us both into a bit of a situation. And the best food to soothe the gut and recharge your brain. In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. This week’s crazy story Right, so this story is a bit of a doozy and I’ve never shared it before except with a few close friends. So why not share it all over the internet, right? The reason I’m sharing this story though is because I feel it deals with a really important topic. And that is boundaries. Let’s talk boundaries When I say boundaries, I don’t mean fences or stone walls or anything like that. I’m talking about the boundaries that we all set that say to people, “You can come here but no closer”. For those who don’t know, boundaries are our (mostly unconscious) way of telling people what is and is not OK. So for example your boundaries with your friends are probably very different to those with your coworkers. Friends can most likely get closer to you, not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. You probably wouldn’t move away from a friend in an elevator if they were standing fairly close to you, whereas with a stranger, you would. Right? We talk about personal space and that’s one kind of boundary. Now why am I prefacing my story with talk about boundaries? Well, because this story is all about violating someone’s boundaries – in this case, mine – without even touching them. And this kind of behavior is just not OK. Although it does make for an interesting story, as you’ll see. It started in a bookstore This story takes place not in Paris as with some of my previous episodes, but in London, England. And it starts in a used bookstore. My son was very small – he was about a year old – and he and I often found ourselves in used bookstores, whether we wanted to be there or not, because his dad loves books. He wanted to browse and scour all the shelves searching for whatever books caught his eye. While my son and I were waiting, I spotted a flyer on a bulletin board advertising training in a particular method of therapy that sounded really exciting. I won’t say exactly what it was because this isn’t about name calling and the story involves the founder of that method. And, you know, I don’t want to use real names because the purpose isn’t to name and shame, it’s just to tell a story. I looked at the flyer and my intuition said, “You need to do this course. It’s perfect for you”. So I wrote down the phone number and the website address and looked it up at home. And sure enough, it looked fantastic. It was a full year of training in a small group to become a therapist using this method. I could even use my vocal skills, so I thought ‘wow that really is perfect!’ Very exciting…at first I signed up for the course and was very excited on my first day. Beforehand I had already read a bit about the method’s founder, whom I’ll call Chris. I was really looking forward to learning from him. We were definitely a small group – there were twelve of us, plus Chris and his two female assistants. And the training was very intense. Chris told us that he wanted to ‘break down the walls of our egos’ (and if this sounds like something a leader of a religious sect might say, well yes you’re right. How did you know?) So what followed were some very long days of exploring our own inner psyches using Chris’ method – we did this in the mornings usually. Then in the afternoons we would do group work, so trust exercises, therapy games etc. We also always had some kind of circle time where we would talk about things that had come up during our group and individual explorations of our inner worlds. Chris was the lead therapist, and we were all like his clients. We were learning by exploring our psyches and then using him and his therapeutic skills to deal with what came up. Dealing with heavy stuff, and ego-breaking exercises And I have to say that some of the stuff that came up was pretty heavy. Things that people had repressed for years, or that they remembered vaguely but had never explored. Or that they didn’t even remember until the work we were doing brought a memory to the surface. I can’t go into details for obvious reasons, but we’re talking childhood abuse, family members committing suicide, birth trauma, that kind of stuff. So not exactly what you’d chat about over a coffee, right? Some of the exercises were pretty interesting as well, as was the homework. One assignment I remember was that for 3 days we had to create a blanket fort in our homes (now that does sound like fun, right?) and we had to live in there. We also had to eat our food without using our hands from a bowl on the floor. Sounds weird, right? I mean now you probably definitely think I’m nuts! I mean I’m all for self-exploration, but I have to say that my son’s dad thought I was nuts. My son thought it was normal – I mean he spent a lot of time crawling around on the floor anyway so he probably figured Mommy was playing like he was. It was interesting to say the least, and I know I did have some deep realization or other during that process but for some reason I can’t remember for the life of me what that was. But that’s not important. Is he skilled, or is he psychic? Anyway exercises like this make you a bit vulnerable, and we very quickly came to depend on Chris in the all-day sessions for his help and support. He was very, very skilled – extremely good at what he did, and he would see things in people that left you thinking, ‘Is he psychic? How did he see that?’ It was incredible to watch. So we all, I think, admired him. Certainly for me, I had him on this therapist pedestal – I admired him as a teacher, a trainer and a therapist. Nothing more than that though. One day we were learning about two aspects of a relationship between therapist and client that are crucial to understand if you want to be a good therapist. And those aspects are transference, and countertransference. I need to explain them so that you understand what comes next. But it’s pretty logical and I’m going to give a very simplistic explanation here. Transference and countertransference Transference is a process where the client unconsciously transfers feelings that they have for someone in their life onto the therapist. So for example let’s say a therapist is helping a woman get over her difficult relationship with her brother. At some stage in the therapy, that woman can start to transfer her feelings for her brother – good and bad – onto the therapist. The mind does this to help us work through those feelings, because the therapist is a ‘safe’ version of her brother. The client can rant and rave or say things to the therapist-as-brother that she perhaps wouldn’t feel able to express to her real brother. And a good therapist knows about this process and is smart enough to work with that transference. For example if the woman starts ranting at him in the way she used to at her brother, the therapist can use that dynamic to respond to her in a way that can help her move forward. This is very simplistic, so if you’re listening and you’re a therapist, please forgive me. I know it goes deeper than that but I’m just trying to get across the basic idea because of what comes next in my story. An example of countertransference Let’s say then that the woman is ranting at the therapist because in her unconscious mind he has become her brother, in a sense. In a perfect world, the therapist wouldn’t take this personally. He or she would be thinking ‘Well her transference is that I’m her brother, I know this, so I won’t take this personally’. But therapists, like the rest of us, are human. And they do react to the client’s transference – which we call countertransference. In the case of the ranting woman, the therapist’s reaction – his or her countertransference – could be anger. It could be fear. It could be any number of things depending on the therapist’s own personal history. And a good therapist will recognize that if he or she starts to feel a strong emotional response, then perhaps the client is unwittingly triggering some of the therapist’s own personal stuff. Cause we all have our personal stuff, right? We all have buttons that people can push, regardless of how much personal development we do. It’s just that usually the more personal development you do, the more difficult it can be for someone to push your buttons. But the buttons are still there. And now the story gets tricky… So here’s where my story gets tricky. One day we were in our circle time talking after we’d done some group work, I think this was about 3 months into the course, and Chris wanted to talk about his reactions to each of us as people. Well, as clients. He wanted to do this because he was convinced that his reactions to us were based on our stuff. In other words, his countertransference. He went round the circle saying things to people like “With you, Jim, I feel on edge a lot of the time. I wonder where that has shown up for you in your life?” or “With you, Anna, I feel protective, like I want to look after you to make sure no-one hurts you. Where could that come from?”. Then he got to me – and he said the thing that (according to the books I read that he recommended we read) NO therapist is ever supposed to say. He said, “With you, I feel a lot of sexual energy, a very primal kind of attraction”. No, no, no! Therapists are NEVER supposed to tell a client that they are sexually attracted to them, countertransference or not! Clients – and students – are fragile people. And we were in the middle of a very intense psychological process of breaking down barriers and uncovering any unresolved issues in our lives. It was hard, scary work and none of us needed this kind of complication. Especially as we were such a small group, working together in one room for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Delayed hearing? Yup, that’s a thing Now Chris threw this particular bombshell 3 months into the course, but interestingly I didn’t actually hear him say it until 3 more months had gone by. My mind literally blocked out his words in the moment he spoke them, it wouldn’t let me hear them to protect myself. Unfortunately my subconscious heard them and the dynamic between us changed after that day. You might think that’s weird, but this does happen. There are moments when we just don’t hear something because, yeah, our mind protects us and it just gets blocked out. Whereas before, he was the teacher, therapist and innovator that I admired, now he was a dangerous threat. The problem though was that because my conscious mind didn’t let me hear his words until months later (when a comment from someone in the class unlocked my memory), I didn’t understand why suddenly I was afraid of him. During our group exercises there was so much tension between us that it affected everyone, especially me, I think. The worst part though was that as the course progressed, I started to get more and more upset, and he somehow had managed to convince himself and the rest of the class that I had “started it”. He was convinced that his attraction to me was simply his countertransference due to “my stuff” even though he was the one who had said to me out of the blue that he was attracted to me. And he had some of the other students believing that I was more than a bit like unhinged. Which was just really annoying, especially once I’d remembered what had actually happened. My ego was having a great time And the other annoying thing or challenging thing was that there’s a very thin line between massive admiration for someone and attraction. So as the course progressed it was difficult to not feel a response to the mega teacher saying he was attracted to you. I felt singled out in some way, and if I’m honest, it made me feel important. Right? Suddenly I had something that no-one else on the course had. Well I know now that the whole scenario was pretty ridiculous if not embarrassing. I think of it now and it makes me (almost) want to laugh, but how often have we felt important over something that actually wasn’t that important at all? My ego was basically having a field day. So I’m sure that’s happened to you, right? Anyway even with the huge cloud of tension hanging over my head, I did manage to finish the year. Ironically when we had completed our last assignment, he gave me the only compliment for the entire year. On the last day. How Chris really saw me In our final circle time, he went round to each person and said what he wished for them and/or what he could see them achieving with what they’d learned. And as usual it was super perceptive and absolutely incredible, actually. It was one of those moments when again you were like, ‘is this guy psychic?’ When he got to me, he said “Out of everyone here, you’re the one who I can most see doing what I did. You’re the one I can see creating your own method and taking it out into the world to affect change”. So of course I felt like screaming – if he thought I was that good, why on earth couldn’t he have told me that, instead of talking about his feelings of attraction and stuff. Anyway! My conclusion My conclusion looking back on all of this is that circumstances can create feelings that aren’t real. As soon as a few weeks had gone by, after the course, the whole attraction thing felt false. And while he really should NOT have said what he did, it taught me a lot and I’m very grateful for the experience. I learned that our minds can create all kinds of stories, his and mine and everybody else’s. And if we take a step back from the situation – or in my case a couple of years’ distance – we can see the experience in a different light. Which makes me question how much of what we experience in our day to day lives is real truth? How much of what we think is happening, or what we think others are thinking and feeling comes from our own stories? We speak a little bit about this in my episode with Corrina, with Corrina’s story which I’ll link to as well. The other things I learned were within the method itself, which is absolutely amazing and I do use it for many things today. I gained an invaluable tool, even though it cost me a bit of heartache to get it. And I also learned how strong I can be and about the different kinds of people that I can help. So was it all worth it? Definitely. It’s all life experience, right? Even the blanket fort and eating out of the bowl. All good! Can you disappear from Google? I never found out what happened to Chris after that, except that he left the country shortly afterwards. And his two female assistants left the course at the end of the year, at the same time I and the other students did. They would never say why, but I do wonder why they both left. A few years ago I even tried Googling Chris to see what he was up to, and I found…are you ready? Nothing! Nothing! A founder of a fabulous therapeutic method who has written several books…and I found nothing. It’s like he’s disappeared from the face of the earth. But even so, like how can you disappear from Google? Right? Amazing. I guess it’s possible. Anyway, I share this story for anyone who ever starts a therapeutic journey. Yes I learned a lot, but it was definitely the hard way. So make sure you’re in good hands, and if your therapist or trainer starts making noises like “Oh I find you attractive”, take my advice and run the other way! Food to soothe the gut So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. And that food is… avocado! Benefits of avocado There are so many benefits of avocado, it’s ridiculous. Avocado is a great food to soothe the gut because it can actually help restore the lining of your stomach and intestines. It also has anti-inflammatory compounds that work like aspirin but without thinning the blood. So if you have any kind of condition where your digestive system is upsetting you, so things like IBS etc, any kind of irritation in your digestive tract, then you definitely want some avocado. Because as a food to soothe the gut, it’s one of the best. Also avocados are one of the best-known foods for the brain. Their omega 6s can help restore our central nervous system and can help alleviate conditions like Alzheimer’s, dementia, ADHD, things like that. So I don’t know about you, but my central nervous system could definitely use a reboot sometimes. And yeah, avocados are just the thing. They also have anti-ageing benefits: they’re great for the skin and they can even help reduce dark circles under your eyes. And they’re even great for your hair – you can mix some avocado – ripe avocado obviously – with your favorite conditioner and use it as a hair mask. The other neat thing about avocados is that the fats that they contain are similar to those in breast milk! It actually makes an amazing first food for babies along with bananas. And on an emotional level, avocados are like a ‘mother fruit’. They nurture us at a very deep level. Think of them as the supreme ‘comfort food’ – that’s actually good for you. The next time you want to reach out for a comfort food, as many of us do, reach for an avocado instead and see what happens. How to pick and store avocados Here’s the best way to tell if an avocado is ripe: Press gently near the stem. There should be a bit of give. If it’s too soft, it’s too ripe and may be stringy. You don’t want that. If there’s no give, it’s too hard and isn’t ripe yet. The color should also be uniform, where possible, whether it’s the lighter or darker green variety. Now for storing avocados, they’re best kept out of the refrigerator because cool air spoils their flavor. It just ruins them. Keep them at room temperature until you’re ready to eat them. I have heard that people freeze avocados, I haven’t tried that myself. You can try that if you want. I know it’s possible but I haven’t done it, I always eat them fresh. How to eat avocado The easiest way to eat avocado is to obviously just slice them down the middle, take out the seed (just stick a sharp knife into it and pull) and scoop out the flesh with a spoon. You can puree it with a fork if you’re giving it to a baby, or if you just want to make yourself some speedy guacamole. Just mix in some diced tomato, a squeeze of lemon juice, a dash of sea salt, maybe a bit of chili powder if you like spicy things, and then instant guacamole! I have lots of recipes that go great with avocado in my 5-Minute Salads & Sauces ebook, and I’ll post the link in the show notes. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES 5-Minute recipe ebooks: More about the benefits of avocados here: Article on avocados as first foods for babies: Source link

[romaleen]

My adventures of having a therapist and teacher who put us both into a bit of a situation. And the best food to soothe the gut and recharge your brain. In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. This week’s crazy story Right, so this story is a bit of a doozy and I’ve never shared it before except with a few close friends. So why not share it all over the internet, right? The reason I’m sharing this story though is because I feel it deals with a really important topic. And that is boundaries. Let’s talk boundaries When I say boundaries, I don’t mean fences or stone walls or anything like that. I’m talking about the boundaries that we all set that say to people, “You can come here but no closer”. For those who don’t know, boundaries are our (mostly unconscious) way of telling people what is and is not OK. So for example your boundaries with your friends are probably very different to those with your coworkers. Friends can most likely get closer to you, not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. You probably wouldn’t move away from a friend in an elevator if they were standing fairly close to you, whereas with a stranger, you would. Right? We talk about personal space and that’s one kind of boundary. Now why am I prefacing my story with talk about boundaries? Well, because this story is all about violating someone’s boundaries – in this case, mine – without even touching them. And this kind of behavior is just not OK. Although it does make for an interesting story, as you’ll see. It started in a bookstore This story takes place not in Paris as with some of my previous episodes, but in London, England. And it starts in a used bookstore. My son was very small – he was about a year old – and he and I often found ourselves in used bookstores, whether we wanted to be there or not, because his dad loves books. He wanted to browse and scour all the shelves searching for whatever books caught his eye. While my son and I were waiting, I spotted a flyer on a bulletin board advertising training in a particular method of therapy that sounded really exciting. I won’t say exactly what it was because this isn’t about name calling and the story involves the founder of that method. And, you know, I don’t want to use real names because the purpose isn’t to name and shame, it’s just to tell a story. I looked at the flyer and my intuition said, “You need to do this course. It’s perfect for you”. So I wrote down the phone number and the website address and looked it up at home. And sure enough, it looked fantastic. It was a full year of training in a small group to become a therapist using this method. I could even use my vocal skills, so I thought ‘wow that really is perfect!’ Very exciting…at first I signed up for the course and was very excited on my first day. Beforehand I had already read a bit about the method’s founder, whom I’ll call Chris. I was really looking forward to learning from him. We were definitely a small group – there were twelve of us, plus Chris and his two female assistants. And the training was very intense. Chris told us that he wanted to ‘break down the walls of our egos’ (and if this sounds like something a leader of a religious sect might say, well yes you’re right. How did you know?) So what followed were some very long days of exploring our own inner psyches using Chris’ method – we did this in the mornings usually. Then in the afternoons we would do group work, so trust exercises, therapy games etc. We also always had some kind of circle time where we would talk about things that had come up during our group and individual explorations of our inner worlds. Chris was the lead therapist, and we were all like his clients. We were learning by exploring our psyches and then using him and his therapeutic skills to deal with what came up. Dealing with heavy stuff, and ego-breaking exercises And I have to say that some of the stuff that came up was pretty heavy. Things that people had repressed for years, or that they remembered vaguely but had never explored. Or that they didn’t even remember until the work we were doing brought a memory to the surface. I can’t go into details for obvious reasons, but we’re talking childhood abuse, family members committing suicide, birth trauma, that kind of stuff. So not exactly what you’d chat about over a coffee, right? Some of the exercises were pretty interesting as well, as was the homework. One assignment I remember was that for 3 days we had to create a blanket fort in our homes (now that does sound like fun, right?) and we had to live in there. We also had to eat our food without using our hands from a bowl on the floor. Sounds weird, right? I mean now you probably definitely think I’m nuts! I mean I’m all for self-exploration, but I have to say that my son’s dad thought I was nuts. My son thought it was normal – I mean he spent a lot of time crawling around on the floor anyway so he probably figured Mommy was playing like he was. It was interesting to say the least, and I know I did have some deep realization or other during that process but for some reason I can’t remember for the life of me what that was. But that’s not important. Is he skilled, or is he psychic? Anyway exercises like this make you a bit vulnerable, and we very quickly came to depend on Chris in the all-day sessions for his help and support. He was very, very skilled – extremely good at what he did, and he would see things in people that left you thinking, ‘Is he psychic? How did he see that?’ It was incredible to watch. So we all, I think, admired him. Certainly for me, I had him on this therapist pedestal – I admired him as a teacher, a trainer and a therapist. Nothing more than that though. One day we were learning about two aspects of a relationship between therapist and client that are crucial to understand if you want to be a good therapist. And those aspects are transference, and countertransference. I need to explain them so that you understand what comes next. But it’s pretty logical and I’m going to give a very simplistic explanation here. Transference and countertransference Transference is a process where the client unconsciously transfers feelings that they have for someone in their life onto the therapist. So for example let’s say a therapist is helping a woman get over her difficult relationship with her brother. At some stage in the therapy, that woman can start to transfer her feelings for her brother – good and bad – onto the therapist. The mind does this to help us work through those feelings, because the therapist is a ‘safe’ version of her brother. The client can rant and rave or say things to the therapist-as-brother that she perhaps wouldn’t feel able to express to her real brother. And a good therapist knows about this process and is smart enough to work with that transference. For example if the woman starts ranting at him in the way she used to at her brother, the therapist can use that dynamic to respond to her in a way that can help her move forward. This is very simplistic, so if you’re listening and you’re a therapist, please forgive me. I know it goes deeper than that but I’m just trying to get across the basic idea because of what comes next in my story. An example of countertransference Let’s say then that the woman is ranting at the therapist because in her unconscious mind he has become her brother, in a sense. In a perfect world, the therapist wouldn’t take this personally. He or she would be thinking ‘Well her transference is that I’m her brother, I know this, so I won’t take this personally’. But therapists, like the rest of us, are human. And they do react to the client’s transference – which we call countertransference. In the case of the ranting woman, the therapist’s reaction – his or her countertransference – could be anger. It could be fear. It could be any number of things depending on the therapist’s own personal history. And a good therapist will recognize that if he or she starts to feel a strong emotional response, then perhaps the client is unwittingly triggering some of the therapist’s own personal stuff. Cause we all have our personal stuff, right? We all have buttons that people can push, regardless of how much personal development we do. It’s just that usually the more personal development you do, the more difficult it can be for someone to push your buttons. But the buttons are still there. And now the story gets tricky… So here’s where my story gets tricky. One day we were in our circle time talking after we’d done some group work, I think this was about 3 months into the course, and Chris wanted to talk about his reactions to each of us as people. Well, as clients. He wanted to do this because he was convinced that his reactions to us were based on our stuff. In other words, his countertransference. He went round the circle saying things to people like “With you, Jim, I feel on edge a lot of the time. I wonder where that has shown up for you in your life?” or “With you, Anna, I feel protective, like I want to look after you to make sure no-one hurts you. Where could that come from?”. Then he got to me – and he said the thing that (according to the books I read that he recommended we read) NO therapist is ever supposed to say. He said, “With you, I feel a lot of sexual energy, a very primal kind of attraction”. No, no, no! Therapists are NEVER supposed to tell a client that they are sexually attracted to them, countertransference or not! Clients – and students – are fragile people. And we were in the middle of a very intense psychological process of breaking down barriers and uncovering any unresolved issues in our lives. It was hard, scary work and none of us needed this kind of complication. Especially as we were such a small group, working together in one room for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Delayed hearing? Yup, that’s a thing Now Chris threw this particular bombshell 3 months into the course, but interestingly I didn’t actually hear him say it until 3 more months had gone by. My mind literally blocked out his words in the moment he spoke them, it wouldn’t let me hear them to protect myself. Unfortunately my subconscious heard them and the dynamic between us changed after that day. You might think that’s weird, but this does happen. There are moments when we just don’t hear something because, yeah, our mind protects us and it just gets blocked out. Whereas before, he was the teacher, therapist and innovator that I admired, now he was a dangerous threat. The problem though was that because my conscious mind didn’t let me hear his words until months later (when a comment from someone in the class unlocked my memory), I didn’t understand why suddenly I was afraid of him. During our group exercises there was so much tension between us that it affected everyone, especially me, I think. The worst part though was that as the course progressed, I started to get more and more upset, and he somehow had managed to convince himself and the rest of the class that I had “started it”. He was convinced that his attraction to me was simply his countertransference due to “my stuff” even though he was the one who had said to me out of the blue that he was attracted to me. And he had some of the other students believing that I was more than a bit like unhinged. Which was just really annoying, especially once I’d remembered what had actually happened. My ego was having a great time And the other annoying thing or challenging thing was that there’s a very thin line between massive admiration for someone and attraction. So as the course progressed it was difficult to not feel a response to the mega teacher saying he was attracted to you. I felt singled out in some way, and if I’m honest, it made me feel important. Right? Suddenly I had something that no-one else on the course had. Well I know now that the whole scenario was pretty ridiculous if not embarrassing. I think of it now and it makes me (almost) want to laugh, but how often have we felt important over something that actually wasn’t that important at all? My ego was basically having a field day. So I’m sure that’s happened to you, right? Anyway even with the huge cloud of tension hanging over my head, I did manage to finish the year. Ironically when we had completed our last assignment, he gave me the only compliment for the entire year. On the last day. How Chris really saw me In our final circle time, he went round to each person and said what he wished for them and/or what he could see them achieving with what they’d learned. And as usual it was super perceptive and absolutely incredible, actually. It was one of those moments when again you were like, ‘is this guy psychic?’ When he got to me, he said “Out of everyone here, you’re the one who I can most see doing what I did. You’re the one I can see creating your own method and taking it out into the world to affect change”. So of course I felt like screaming – if he thought I was that good, why on earth couldn’t he have told me that, instead of talking about his feelings of attraction and stuff. Anyway! My conclusion My conclusion looking back on all of this is that circumstances can create feelings that aren’t real. As soon as a few weeks had gone by, after the course, the whole attraction thing felt false. And while he really should NOT have said what he did, it taught me a lot and I’m very grateful for the experience. I learned that our minds can create all kinds of stories, his and mine and everybody else’s. And if we take a step back from the situation – or in my case a couple of years’ distance – we can see the experience in a different light. Which makes me question how much of what we experience in our day to day lives is real truth? How much of what we think is happening, or what we think others are thinking and feeling comes from our own stories? We speak a little bit about this in my episode with Corrina, with Corrina’s story which I’ll link to as well. The other things I learned were within the method itself, which is absolutely amazing and I do use it for many things today. I gained an invaluable tool, even though it cost me a bit of heartache to get it. And I also learned how strong I can be and about the different kinds of people that I can help. So was it all worth it? Definitely. It’s all life experience, right? Even the blanket fort and eating out of the bowl. All good! Can you disappear from Google? I never found out what happened to Chris after that, except that he left the country shortly afterwards. And his two female assistants left the course at the end of the year, at the same time I and the other students did. They would never say why, but I do wonder why they both left. A few years ago I even tried Googling Chris to see what he was up to, and I found…are you ready? Nothing! Nothing! A founder of a fabulous therapeutic method who has written several books…and I found nothing. It’s like he’s disappeared from the face of the earth. But even so, like how can you disappear from Google? Right? Amazing. I guess it’s possible. Anyway, I share this story for anyone who ever starts a therapeutic journey. Yes I learned a lot, but it was definitely the hard way. So make sure you’re in good hands, and if your therapist or trainer starts making noises like “Oh I find you attractive”, take my advice and run the other way! Food to soothe the gut So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. And that food is… avocado! Benefits of avocado There are so many benefits of avocado, it’s ridiculous. Avocado is a great food to soothe the gut because it can actually help restore the lining of your stomach and intestines. It also has anti-inflammatory compounds that work like aspirin but without thinning the blood. So if you have any kind of condition where your digestive system is upsetting you, so things like IBS etc, any kind of irritation in your digestive tract, then you definitely want some avocado. Because as a food to soothe the gut, it’s one of the best. Also avocados are one of the best-known foods for the brain. Their omega 6s can help restore our central nervous system and can help alleviate conditions like Alzheimer’s, dementia, ADHD, things like that. So I don’t know about you, but my central nervous system could definitely use a reboot sometimes. And yeah, avocados are just the thing. They also have anti-ageing benefits: they’re great for the skin and they can even help reduce dark circles under your eyes. And they’re even great for your hair – you can mix some avocado – ripe avocado obviously – with your favorite conditioner and use it as a hair mask. The other neat thing about avocados is that the fats that they contain are similar to those in breast milk! It actually makes an amazing first food for babies along with bananas. And on an emotional level, avocados are like a ‘mother fruit’. They nurture us at a very deep level. Think of them as the supreme ‘comfort food’ – that’s actually good for you. The next time you want to reach out for a comfort food, as many of us do, reach for an avocado instead and see what happens. How to pick and store avocados Here’s the best way to tell if an avocado is ripe: Press gently near the stem. There should be a bit of give. If it’s too soft, it’s too ripe and may be stringy. You don’t want that. If there’s no give, it’s too hard and isn’t ripe yet. The color should also be uniform, where possible, whether it’s the lighter or darker green variety. Now for storing avocados, they’re best kept out of the refrigerator because cool air spoils their flavor. It just ruins them. Keep them at room temperature until you’re ready to eat them. I have heard that people freeze avocados, I haven’t tried that myself. You can try that if you want. I know it’s possible but I haven’t done it, I always eat them fresh. How to eat avocado The easiest way to eat avocado is to obviously just slice them down the middle, take out the seed (just stick a sharp knife into it and pull) and scoop out the flesh with a spoon. You can puree it with a fork if you’re giving it to a baby, or if you just want to make yourself some speedy guacamole. Just mix in some diced tomato, a squeeze of lemon juice, a dash of sea salt, maybe a bit of chili powder if you like spicy things, and then instant guacamole! I have lots of recipes that go great with avocado in my 5-Minute Salads & Sauces ebook, and I’ll post the link in the show notes. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES 5-Minute recipe ebooks: More about the benefits of avocados here: Article on avocados as first foods for babies: Source link

[monaleen101]

My adventures of having a therapist and teacher who put us both into a bit of a situation. And the best food to soothe the gut and recharge your brain. In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. This week’s crazy story Right, so this story is a bit of a doozy and I’ve never shared it before except with a few close friends. So why not share it all over the internet, right? The reason I’m sharing this story though is because I feel it deals with a really important topic. And that is boundaries. Let’s talk boundaries When I say boundaries, I don’t mean fences or stone walls or anything like that. I’m talking about the boundaries that we all set that say to people, “You can come here but no closer”. For those who don’t know, boundaries are our (mostly unconscious) way of telling people what is and is not OK. So for example your boundaries with your friends are probably very different to those with your coworkers. Friends can most likely get closer to you, not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. You probably wouldn’t move away from a friend in an elevator if they were standing fairly close to you, whereas with a stranger, you would. Right? We talk about personal space and that’s one kind of boundary. Now why am I prefacing my story with talk about boundaries? Well, because this story is all about violating someone’s boundaries – in this case, mine – without even touching them. And this kind of behavior is just not OK. Although it does make for an interesting story, as you’ll see. It started in a bookstore This story takes place not in Paris as with some of my previous episodes, but in London, England. And it starts in a used bookstore. My son was very small – he was about a year old – and he and I often found ourselves in used bookstores, whether we wanted to be there or not, because his dad loves books. He wanted to browse and scour all the shelves searching for whatever books caught his eye. While my son and I were waiting, I spotted a flyer on a bulletin board advertising training in a particular method of therapy that sounded really exciting. I won’t say exactly what it was because this isn’t about name calling and the story involves the founder of that method. And, you know, I don’t want to use real names because the purpose isn’t to name and shame, it’s just to tell a story. I looked at the flyer and my intuition said, “You need to do this course. It’s perfect for you”. So I wrote down the phone number and the website address and looked it up at home. And sure enough, it looked fantastic. It was a full year of training in a small group to become a therapist using this method. I could even use my vocal skills, so I thought ‘wow that really is perfect!’ Very exciting…at first I signed up for the course and was very excited on my first day. Beforehand I had already read a bit about the method’s founder, whom I’ll call Chris. I was really looking forward to learning from him. We were definitely a small group – there were twelve of us, plus Chris and his two female assistants. And the training was very intense. Chris told us that he wanted to ‘break down the walls of our egos’ (and if this sounds like something a leader of a religious sect might say, well yes you’re right. How did you know?) So what followed were some very long days of exploring our own inner psyches using Chris’ method – we did this in the mornings usually. Then in the afternoons we would do group work, so trust exercises, therapy games etc. We also always had some kind of circle time where we would talk about things that had come up during our group and individual explorations of our inner worlds. Chris was the lead therapist, and we were all like his clients. We were learning by exploring our psyches and then using him and his therapeutic skills to deal with what came up. Dealing with heavy stuff, and ego-breaking exercises And I have to say that some of the stuff that came up was pretty heavy. Things that people had repressed for years, or that they remembered vaguely but had never explored. Or that they didn’t even remember until the work we were doing brought a memory to the surface. I can’t go into details for obvious reasons, but we’re talking childhood abuse, family members committing suicide, birth trauma, that kind of stuff. So not exactly what you’d chat about over a coffee, right? Some of the exercises were pretty interesting as well, as was the homework. One assignment I remember was that for 3 days we had to create a blanket fort in our homes (now that does sound like fun, right?) and we had to live in there. We also had to eat our food without using our hands from a bowl on the floor. Sounds weird, right? I mean now you probably definitely think I’m nuts! I mean I’m all for self-exploration, but I have to say that my son’s dad thought I was nuts. My son thought it was normal – I mean he spent a lot of time crawling around on the floor anyway so he probably figured Mommy was playing like he was. It was interesting to say the least, and I know I did have some deep realization or other during that process but for some reason I can’t remember for the life of me what that was. But that’s not important. Is he skilled, or is he psychic? Anyway exercises like this make you a bit vulnerable, and we very quickly came to depend on Chris in the all-day sessions for his help and support. He was very, very skilled – extremely good at what he did, and he would see things in people that left you thinking, ‘Is he psychic? How did he see that?’ It was incredible to watch. So we all, I think, admired him. Certainly for me, I had him on this therapist pedestal – I admired him as a teacher, a trainer and a therapist. Nothing more than that though. One day we were learning about two aspects of a relationship between therapist and client that are crucial to understand if you want to be a good therapist. And those aspects are transference, and countertransference. I need to explain them so that you understand what comes next. But it’s pretty logical and I’m going to give a very simplistic explanation here. Transference and countertransference Transference is a process where the client unconsciously transfers feelings that they have for someone in their life onto the therapist. So for example let’s say a therapist is helping a woman get over her difficult relationship with her brother. At some stage in the therapy, that woman can start to transfer her feelings for her brother – good and bad – onto the therapist. The mind does this to help us work through those feelings, because the therapist is a ‘safe’ version of her brother. The client can rant and rave or say things to the therapist-as-brother that she perhaps wouldn’t feel able to express to her real brother. And a good therapist knows about this process and is smart enough to work with that transference. For example if the woman starts ranting at him in the way she used to at her brother, the therapist can use that dynamic to respond to her in a way that can help her move forward. This is very simplistic, so if you’re listening and you’re a therapist, please forgive me. I know it goes deeper than that but I’m just trying to get across the basic idea because of what comes next in my story. An example of countertransference Let’s say then that the woman is ranting at the therapist because in her unconscious mind he has become her brother, in a sense. In a perfect world, the therapist wouldn’t take this personally. He or she would be thinking ‘Well her transference is that I’m her brother, I know this, so I won’t take this personally’. But therapists, like the rest of us, are human. And they do react to the client’s transference – which we call countertransference. In the case of the ranting woman, the therapist’s reaction – his or her countertransference – could be anger. It could be fear. It could be any number of things depending on the therapist’s own personal history. And a good therapist will recognize that if he or she starts to feel a strong emotional response, then perhaps the client is unwittingly triggering some of the therapist’s own personal stuff. Cause we all have our personal stuff, right? We all have buttons that people can push, regardless of how much personal development we do. It’s just that usually the more personal development you do, the more difficult it can be for someone to push your buttons. But the buttons are still there. And now the story gets tricky… So here’s where my story gets tricky. One day we were in our circle time talking after we’d done some group work, I think this was about 3 months into the course, and Chris wanted to talk about his reactions to each of us as people. Well, as clients. He wanted to do this because he was convinced that his reactions to us were based on our stuff. In other words, his countertransference. He went round the circle saying things to people like “With you, Jim, I feel on edge a lot of the time. I wonder where that has shown up for you in your life?” or “With you, Anna, I feel protective, like I want to look after you to make sure no-one hurts you. Where could that come from?”. Then he got to me – and he said the thing that (according to the books I read that he recommended we read) NO therapist is ever supposed to say. He said, “With you, I feel a lot of sexual energy, a very primal kind of attraction”. No, no, no! Therapists are NEVER supposed to tell a client that they are sexually attracted to them, countertransference or not! Clients – and students – are fragile people. And we were in the middle of a very intense psychological process of breaking down barriers and uncovering any unresolved issues in our lives. It was hard, scary work and none of us needed this kind of complication. Especially as we were such a small group, working together in one room for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Delayed hearing? Yup, that’s a thing Now Chris threw this particular bombshell 3 months into the course, but interestingly I didn’t actually hear him say it until 3 more months had gone by. My mind literally blocked out his words in the moment he spoke them, it wouldn’t let me hear them to protect myself. Unfortunately my subconscious heard them and the dynamic between us changed after that day. You might think that’s weird, but this does happen. There are moments when we just don’t hear something because, yeah, our mind protects us and it just gets blocked out. Whereas before, he was the teacher, therapist and innovator that I admired, now he was a dangerous threat. The problem though was that because my conscious mind didn’t let me hear his words until months later (when a comment from someone in the class unlocked my memory), I didn’t understand why suddenly I was afraid of him. During our group exercises there was so much tension between us that it affected everyone, especially me, I think. The worst part though was that as the course progressed, I started to get more and more upset, and he somehow had managed to convince himself and the rest of the class that I had “started it”. He was convinced that his attraction to me was simply his countertransference due to “my stuff” even though he was the one who had said to me out of the blue that he was attracted to me. And he had some of the other students believing that I was more than a bit like unhinged. Which was just really annoying, especially once I’d remembered what had actually happened. My ego was having a great time And the other annoying thing or challenging thing was that there’s a very thin line between massive admiration for someone and attraction. So as the course progressed it was difficult to not feel a response to the mega teacher saying he was attracted to you. I felt singled out in some way, and if I’m honest, it made me feel important. Right? Suddenly I had something that no-one else on the course had. Well I know now that the whole scenario was pretty ridiculous if not embarrassing. I think of it now and it makes me (almost) want to laugh, but how often have we felt important over something that actually wasn’t that important at all? My ego was basically having a field day. So I’m sure that’s happened to you, right? Anyway even with the huge cloud of tension hanging over my head, I did manage to finish the year. Ironically when we had completed our last assignment, he gave me the only compliment for the entire year. On the last day. How Chris really saw me In our final circle time, he went round to each person and said what he wished for them and/or what he could see them achieving with what they’d learned. And as usual it was super perceptive and absolutely incredible, actually. It was one of those moments when again you were like, ‘is this guy psychic?’ When he got to me, he said “Out of everyone here, you’re the one who I can most see doing what I did. You’re the one I can see creating your own method and taking it out into the world to affect change”. So of course I felt like screaming – if he thought I was that good, why on earth couldn’t he have told me that, instead of talking about his feelings of attraction and stuff. Anyway! My conclusion My conclusion looking back on all of this is that circumstances can create feelings that aren’t real. As soon as a few weeks had gone by, after the course, the whole attraction thing felt false. And while he really should NOT have said what he did, it taught me a lot and I’m very grateful for the experience. I learned that our minds can create all kinds of stories, his and mine and everybody else’s. And if we take a step back from the situation – or in my case a couple of years’ distance – we can see the experience in a different light. Which makes me question how much of what we experience in our day to day lives is real truth? How much of what we think is happening, or what we think others are thinking and feeling comes from our own stories? We speak a little bit about this in my episode with Corrina, with Corrina’s story which I’ll link to as well. The other things I learned were within the method itself, which is absolutely amazing and I do use it for many things today. I gained an invaluable tool, even though it cost me a bit of heartache to get it. And I also learned how strong I can be and about the different kinds of people that I can help. So was it all worth it? Definitely. It’s all life experience, right? Even the blanket fort and eating out of the bowl. All good! Can you disappear from Google? I never found out what happened to Chris after that, except that he left the country shortly afterwards. And his two female assistants left the course at the end of the year, at the same time I and the other students did. They would never say why, but I do wonder why they both left. A few years ago I even tried Googling Chris to see what he was up to, and I found…are you ready? Nothing! Nothing! A founder of a fabulous therapeutic method who has written several books…and I found nothing. It’s like he’s disappeared from the face of the earth. But even so, like how can you disappear from Google? Right? Amazing. I guess it’s possible. Anyway, I share this story for anyone who ever starts a therapeutic journey. Yes I learned a lot, but it was definitely the hard way. So make sure you’re in good hands, and if your therapist or trainer starts making noises like “Oh I find you attractive”, take my advice and run the other way! Food to soothe the gut So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. And that food is… avocado! Benefits of avocado There are so many benefits of avocado, it’s ridiculous. Avocado is a great food to soothe the gut because it can actually help restore the lining of your stomach and intestines. It also has anti-inflammatory compounds that work like aspirin but without thinning the blood. So if you have any kind of condition where your digestive system is upsetting you, so things like IBS etc, any kind of irritation in your digestive tract, then you definitely want some avocado. Because as a food to soothe the gut, it’s one of the best. Also avocados are one of the best-known foods for the brain. Their omega 6s can help restore our central nervous system and can help alleviate conditions like Alzheimer’s, dementia, ADHD, things like that. So I don’t know about you, but my central nervous system could definitely use a reboot sometimes. And yeah, avocados are just the thing. They also have anti-ageing benefits: they’re great for the skin and they can even help reduce dark circles under your eyes. And they’re even great for your hair – you can mix some avocado – ripe avocado obviously – with your favorite conditioner and use it as a hair mask. The other neat thing about avocados is that the fats that they contain are similar to those in breast milk! It actually makes an amazing first food for babies along with bananas. And on an emotional level, avocados are like a ‘mother fruit’. They nurture us at a very deep level. Think of them as the supreme ‘comfort food’ – that’s actually good for you. The next time you want to reach out for a comfort food, as many of us do, reach for an avocado instead and see what happens. How to pick and store avocados Here’s the best way to tell if an avocado is ripe: Press gently near the stem. There should be a bit of give. If it’s too soft, it’s too ripe and may be stringy. You don’t want that. If there’s no give, it’s too hard and isn’t ripe yet. The color should also be uniform, where possible, whether it’s the lighter or darker green variety. Now for storing avocados, they’re best kept out of the refrigerator because cool air spoils their flavor. It just ruins them. Keep them at room temperature until you’re ready to eat them. I have heard that people freeze avocados, I haven’t tried that myself. You can try that if you want. I know it’s possible but I haven’t done it, I always eat them fresh. How to eat avocado The easiest way to eat avocado is to obviously just slice them down the middle, take out the seed (just stick a sharp knife into it and pull) and scoop out the flesh with a spoon. You can puree it with a fork if you’re giving it to a baby, or if you just want to make yourself some speedy guacamole. Just mix in some diced tomato, a squeeze of lemon juice, a dash of sea salt, maybe a bit of chili powder if you like spicy things, and then instant guacamole! I have lots of recipes that go great with avocado in my 5-Minute Salads & Sauces ebook, and I’ll post the link in the show notes. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES 5-Minute recipe ebooks: More about the benefits of avocados here: Article on avocados as first foods for babies: Source link

[iamownerofme]

My adventures of having a therapist and teacher who put us both into a bit of a situation. And the best food to soothe the gut and recharge your brain. In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. This week’s crazy story Right, so this story is a bit of a doozy and I’ve never shared it before except with a few close friends. So why not share it all over the internet, right? The reason I’m sharing this story though is because I feel it deals with a really important topic. And that is boundaries. Let’s talk boundaries When I say boundaries, I don’t mean fences or stone walls or anything like that. I’m talking about the boundaries that we all set that say to people, “You can come here but no closer”. For those who don’t know, boundaries are our (mostly unconscious) way of telling people what is and is not OK. So for example your boundaries with your friends are probably very different to those with your coworkers. Friends can most likely get closer to you, not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. You probably wouldn’t move away from a friend in an elevator if they were standing fairly close to you, whereas with a stranger, you would. Right? We talk about personal space and that’s one kind of boundary. Now why am I prefacing my story with talk about boundaries? Well, because this story is all about violating someone’s boundaries – in this case, mine – without even touching them. And this kind of behavior is just not OK. Although it does make for an interesting story, as you’ll see. It started in a bookstore This story takes place not in Paris as with some of my previous episodes, but in London, England. And it starts in a used bookstore. My son was very small – he was about a year old – and he and I often found ourselves in used bookstores, whether we wanted to be there or not, because his dad loves books. He wanted to browse and scour all the shelves searching for whatever books caught his eye. While my son and I were waiting, I spotted a flyer on a bulletin board advertising training in a particular method of therapy that sounded really exciting. I won’t say exactly what it was because this isn’t about name calling and the story involves the founder of that method. And, you know, I don’t want to use real names because the purpose isn’t to name and shame, it’s just to tell a story. I looked at the flyer and my intuition said, “You need to do this course. It’s perfect for you”. So I wrote down the phone number and the website address and looked it up at home. And sure enough, it looked fantastic. It was a full year of training in a small group to become a therapist using this method. I could even use my vocal skills, so I thought ‘wow that really is perfect!’ Very exciting…at first I signed up for the course and was very excited on my first day. Beforehand I had already read a bit about the method’s founder, whom I’ll call Chris. I was really looking forward to learning from him. We were definitely a small group – there were twelve of us, plus Chris and his two female assistants. And the training was very intense. Chris told us that he wanted to ‘break down the walls of our egos’ (and if this sounds like something a leader of a religious sect might say, well yes you’re right. How did you know?) So what followed were some very long days of exploring our own inner psyches using Chris’ method – we did this in the mornings usually. Then in the afternoons we would do group work, so trust exercises, therapy games etc. We also always had some kind of circle time where we would talk about things that had come up during our group and individual explorations of our inner worlds. Chris was the lead therapist, and we were all like his clients. We were learning by exploring our psyches and then using him and his therapeutic skills to deal with what came up. Dealing with heavy stuff, and ego-breaking exercises And I have to say that some of the stuff that came up was pretty heavy. Things that people had repressed for years, or that they remembered vaguely but had never explored. Or that they didn’t even remember until the work we were doing brought a memory to the surface. I can’t go into details for obvious reasons, but we’re talking childhood abuse, family members committing suicide, birth trauma, that kind of stuff. So not exactly what you’d chat about over a coffee, right? Some of the exercises were pretty interesting as well, as was the homework. One assignment I remember was that for 3 days we had to create a blanket fort in our homes (now that does sound like fun, right?) and we had to live in there. We also had to eat our food without using our hands from a bowl on the floor. Sounds weird, right? I mean now you probably definitely think I’m nuts! I mean I’m all for self-exploration, but I have to say that my son’s dad thought I was nuts. My son thought it was normal – I mean he spent a lot of time crawling around on the floor anyway so he probably figured Mommy was playing like he was. It was interesting to say the least, and I know I did have some deep realization or other during that process but for some reason I can’t remember for the life of me what that was. But that’s not important. Is he skilled, or is he psychic? Anyway exercises like this make you a bit vulnerable, and we very quickly came to depend on Chris in the all-day sessions for his help and support. He was very, very skilled – extremely good at what he did, and he would see things in people that left you thinking, ‘Is he psychic? How did he see that?’ It was incredible to watch. So we all, I think, admired him. Certainly for me, I had him on this therapist pedestal – I admired him as a teacher, a trainer and a therapist. Nothing more than that though. One day we were learning about two aspects of a relationship between therapist and client that are crucial to understand if you want to be a good therapist. And those aspects are transference, and countertransference. I need to explain them so that you understand what comes next. But it’s pretty logical and I’m going to give a very simplistic explanation here. Transference and countertransference Transference is a process where the client unconsciously transfers feelings that they have for someone in their life onto the therapist. So for example let’s say a therapist is helping a woman get over her difficult relationship with her brother. At some stage in the therapy, that woman can start to transfer her feelings for her brother – good and bad – onto the therapist. The mind does this to help us work through those feelings, because the therapist is a ‘safe’ version of her brother. The client can rant and rave or say things to the therapist-as-brother that she perhaps wouldn’t feel able to express to her real brother. And a good therapist knows about this process and is smart enough to work with that transference. For example if the woman starts ranting at him in the way she used to at her brother, the therapist can use that dynamic to respond to her in a way that can help her move forward. This is very simplistic, so if you’re listening and you’re a therapist, please forgive me. I know it goes deeper than that but I’m just trying to get across the basic idea because of what comes next in my story. An example of countertransference Let’s say then that the woman is ranting at the therapist because in her unconscious mind he has become her brother, in a sense. In a perfect world, the therapist wouldn’t take this personally. He or she would be thinking ‘Well her transference is that I’m her brother, I know this, so I won’t take this personally’. But therapists, like the rest of us, are human. And they do react to the client’s transference – which we call countertransference. In the case of the ranting woman, the therapist’s reaction – his or her countertransference – could be anger. It could be fear. It could be any number of things depending on the therapist’s own personal history. And a good therapist will recognize that if he or she starts to feel a strong emotional response, then perhaps the client is unwittingly triggering some of the therapist’s own personal stuff. Cause we all have our personal stuff, right? We all have buttons that people can push, regardless of how much personal development we do. It’s just that usually the more personal development you do, the more difficult it can be for someone to push your buttons. But the buttons are still there. And now the story gets tricky… So here’s where my story gets tricky. One day we were in our circle time talking after we’d done some group work, I think this was about 3 months into the course, and Chris wanted to talk about his reactions to each of us as people. Well, as clients. He wanted to do this because he was convinced that his reactions to us were based on our stuff. In other words, his countertransference. He went round the circle saying things to people like “With you, Jim, I feel on edge a lot of the time. I wonder where that has shown up for you in your life?” or “With you, Anna, I feel protective, like I want to look after you to make sure no-one hurts you. Where could that come from?”. Then he got to me – and he said the thing that (according to the books I read that he recommended we read) NO therapist is ever supposed to say. He said, “With you, I feel a lot of sexual energy, a very primal kind of attraction”. No, no, no! Therapists are NEVER supposed to tell a client that they are sexually attracted to them, countertransference or not! Clients – and students – are fragile people. And we were in the middle of a very intense psychological process of breaking down barriers and uncovering any unresolved issues in our lives. It was hard, scary work and none of us needed this kind of complication. Especially as we were such a small group, working together in one room for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Delayed hearing? Yup, that’s a thing Now Chris threw this particular bombshell 3 months into the course, but interestingly I didn’t actually hear him say it until 3 more months had gone by. My mind literally blocked out his words in the moment he spoke them, it wouldn’t let me hear them to protect myself. Unfortunately my subconscious heard them and the dynamic between us changed after that day. You might think that’s weird, but this does happen. There are moments when we just don’t hear something because, yeah, our mind protects us and it just gets blocked out. Whereas before, he was the teacher, therapist and innovator that I admired, now he was a dangerous threat. The problem though was that because my conscious mind didn’t let me hear his words until months later (when a comment from someone in the class unlocked my memory), I didn’t understand why suddenly I was afraid of him. During our group exercises there was so much tension between us that it affected everyone, especially me, I think. The worst part though was that as the course progressed, I started to get more and more upset, and he somehow had managed to convince himself and the rest of the class that I had “started it”. He was convinced that his attraction to me was simply his countertransference due to “my stuff” even though he was the one who had said to me out of the blue that he was attracted to me. And he had some of the other students believing that I was more than a bit like unhinged. Which was just really annoying, especially once I’d remembered what had actually happened. My ego was having a great time And the other annoying thing or challenging thing was that there’s a very thin line between massive admiration for someone and attraction. So as the course progressed it was difficult to not feel a response to the mega teacher saying he was attracted to you. I felt singled out in some way, and if I’m honest, it made me feel important. Right? Suddenly I had something that no-one else on the course had. Well I know now that the whole scenario was pretty ridiculous if not embarrassing. I think of it now and it makes me (almost) want to laugh, but how often have we felt important over something that actually wasn’t that important at all? My ego was basically having a field day. So I’m sure that’s happened to you, right? Anyway even with the huge cloud of tension hanging over my head, I did manage to finish the year. Ironically when we had completed our last assignment, he gave me the only compliment for the entire year. On the last day. How Chris really saw me In our final circle time, he went round to each person and said what he wished for them and/or what he could see them achieving with what they’d learned. And as usual it was super perceptive and absolutely incredible, actually. It was one of those moments when again you were like, ‘is this guy psychic?’ When he got to me, he said “Out of everyone here, you’re the one who I can most see doing what I did. You’re the one I can see creating your own method and taking it out into the world to affect change”. So of course I felt like screaming – if he thought I was that good, why on earth couldn’t he have told me that, instead of talking about his feelings of attraction and stuff. Anyway! My conclusion My conclusion looking back on all of this is that circumstances can create feelings that aren’t real. As soon as a few weeks had gone by, after the course, the whole attraction thing felt false. And while he really should NOT have said what he did, it taught me a lot and I’m very grateful for the experience. I learned that our minds can create all kinds of stories, his and mine and everybody else’s. And if we take a step back from the situation – or in my case a couple of years’ distance – we can see the experience in a different light. Which makes me question how much of what we experience in our day to day lives is real truth? How much of what we think is happening, or what we think others are thinking and feeling comes from our own stories? We speak a little bit about this in my episode with Corrina, with Corrina’s story which I’ll link to as well. The other things I learned were within the method itself, which is absolutely amazing and I do use it for many things today. I gained an invaluable tool, even though it cost me a bit of heartache to get it. And I also learned how strong I can be and about the different kinds of people that I can help. So was it all worth it? Definitely. It’s all life experience, right? Even the blanket fort and eating out of the bowl. All good! Can you disappear from Google? I never found out what happened to Chris after that, except that he left the country shortly afterwards. And his two female assistants left the course at the end of the year, at the same time I and the other students did. They would never say why, but I do wonder why they both left. A few years ago I even tried Googling Chris to see what he was up to, and I found…are you ready? Nothing! Nothing! A founder of a fabulous therapeutic method who has written several books…and I found nothing. It’s like he’s disappeared from the face of the earth. But even so, like how can you disappear from Google? Right? Amazing. I guess it’s possible. Anyway, I share this story for anyone who ever starts a therapeutic journey. Yes I learned a lot, but it was definitely the hard way. So make sure you’re in good hands, and if your therapist or trainer starts making noises like “Oh I find you attractive”, take my advice and run the other way! Food to soothe the gut So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are. And that food is… avocado! Benefits of avocado There are so many benefits of avocado, it’s ridiculous. Avocado is a great food to soothe the gut because it can actually help restore the lining of your stomach and intestines. It also has anti-inflammatory compounds that work like aspirin but without thinning the blood. So if you have any kind of condition where your digestive system is upsetting you, so things like IBS etc, any kind of irritation in your digestive tract, then you definitely want some avocado. Because as a food to soothe the gut, it’s one of the best. Also avocados are one of the best-known foods for the brain. Their omega 6s can help restore our central nervous system and can help alleviate conditions like Alzheimer’s, dementia, ADHD, things like that. So I don’t know about you, but my central nervous system could definitely use a reboot sometimes. And yeah, avocados are just the thing. They also have anti-ageing benefits: they’re great for the skin and they can even help reduce dark circles under your eyes. And they’re even great for your hair – you can mix some avocado – ripe avocado obviously – with your favorite conditioner and use it as a hair mask. The other neat thing about avocados is that the fats that they contain are similar to those in breast milk! It actually makes an amazing first food for babies along with bananas. And on an emotional level, avocados are like a ‘mother fruit’. They nurture us at a very deep level. Think of them as the supreme ‘comfort food’ – that’s actually good for you. The next time you want to reach out for a comfort food, as many of us do, reach for an avocado instead and see what happens. How to pick and store avocados Here’s the best way to tell if an avocado is ripe: Press gently near the stem. There should be a bit of give. If it’s too soft, it’s too ripe and may be stringy. You don’t want that. If there’s no give, it’s too hard and isn’t ripe yet. The color should also be uniform, where possible, whether it’s the lighter or darker green variety. Now for storing avocados, they’re best kept out of the refrigerator because cool air spoils their flavor. It just ruins them. Keep them at room temperature until you’re ready to eat them. I have heard that people freeze avocados, I haven’t tried that myself. You can try that if you want. I know it’s possible but I haven’t done it, I always eat them fresh. How to eat avocado The easiest way to eat avocado is to obviously just slice them down the middle, take out the seed (just stick a sharp knife into it and pull) and scoop out the flesh with a spoon. You can puree it with a fork if you’re giving it to a baby, or if you just want to make yourself some speedy guacamole. Just mix in some diced tomato, a squeeze of lemon juice, a dash of sea salt, maybe a bit of chili powder if you like spicy things, and then instant guacamole! I have lots of recipes that go great with avocado in my 5-Minute Salads & Sauces ebook, and I’ll post the link in the show notes. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES 5-Minute recipe ebooks: More about the benefits of avocados here: Article on avocados as first foods for babies: Source link