#but for some reason I thought I could just stick to treatment the rest of my life without any changes

[chronic-and-iconic]

Being chronically ill is such a weird experience. I’ve spent over 6 years of my life explaining to everyone I’ve met that I will be sick for the rest of my life. And yet somehow, having a new symptom pop up after a year of being stable with minimal flares, has devastated me. I don’t know why I assumed a life-long illness would be manageable by the time I turned 20 but that’s simply not the case.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

What about the Doors/Pressure shopkeepers trying to pretend they aren't giving their crush special treatment when in groups. Like, special inventory, discreet discounts, all that jazz

Jeff (Doors)

"Oye, I see what you're doin', Jeff. Thought you weren't one for giving out freebies."

*shrug*

"Don't play dumb! I saw you sneak the skeleton key into their bag! Even Bob's a witness!"

No matter what El Goblino says, Jeff will just wave off any accusations of him giving you "special treatment" whenever you stopped by the shop with your group.

While none of them donated to the tip jar, you were the only one who ever did...and even when you came back again and again, it was always you who showed him charity.

The rest of your group would just argue over what to spend their money on, try to rush ahead, mess with his radio, etc. etc.

But you trust Jeff, and he trusts you <3

So you get small discounts on his wares, and despite him not being able to speak, you could tell he's only looking after you.

The goblin jokes about Jeff's little "crush" on you...then he sees the entity's eyes widen and realizes "wait amigo,,I wasn't being serious do you actually like them?????"

He just shoos him away and will deny it to kingdom come, but it is true.

The moment you realized his feelings for you was when Rush attacked the shop once, and you thought you were done for-

When Jeff instinctively pulled you behind the counter and slammed the shutter down, keeping you uncomfortably close (yet somehow you've never felt safer).

When it's all over, he blushes and lets you go free.

You thank him with a small kiss on the forehead(?) and promise to see him again soon.

The next time you get duped by Dupe, or attacked by Eyes, Timothy, Screech, or a snare and need to heal...you discover a few bandaids in your pocket that weren't there previously...

Huh.

Wonder who gave you those?

Sebastian (Pressure)

Normally, Sebastian doesn't care to make personal connections with any of the expendables.

He's just there as their supplier before seeing them off on their journey, hoping they're putting his resources to good use.

But recently he's been seeing you more often, coming by with a new group or by yourself, trying your best to survive long enough to reach him.

Ofc, you've died to stupid things before (or maybe you're just trying to get all the monster documents..in which he's convinced you're some masochist), but you did have the most common sense out of your group and didn't try to annoy him.

The others just waste flash beacon charges on trying to blind the poor guy and stick the keycard in a medkit they couldn't afford...and for what?

Why do your "friends" do that? Are they stupid or something?

You tell them to stop, and it's...actually kinda nice to hear somebody willing to defend him.

People usually don't give a shit about the giant scary fish's feelings, yet for some reason you do.

Of course, Sebastian was reasonably suspicious about it.

"Are you acting this way just to get a freebie?" He assumes. "Because if you are, then you're definitely as stupid as-"

"No, I'd never do that to you." You shake your head. "You're here, helping us survive out there, risking a lot to get us those supplies...is it wrong for me to appreciate that?"

"......"

He goes quiet for a minute, but after the rest of your group leaves, he asks you to stay for a moment.

"You were looking at this Necrobloxicon for a while...you must reeeeally want it, huh?" He grins, flicking his tail where the book was strapped. "It's a rarity."

"I...can't afford that. I'm fine with this dingy flashlight-"

"It's yours for 70% off. Take it or leave it."

You do a double take. "Wait, wha-"

"70% off. Take it. Or leave it." He says through gritted teeth, impatient, only to smile when you accept the deal without further question. "Good. Now don't go telling anyone I'm offering discounts. That's your only one unless I feel generous. Capiche?"

"Gotcha. Thank you, Seb. This means a lot. I hope to see you again soon." You smile back, holding the spooky book tightly, and leave him alone with his thoughts.

And a warm and fuzzy feeling in his chest-

Wait.

"Oh no....what the fuck am I doing????? That's it! NO more discounts for anyone, Sebastian!" He scolds himself.

Little does he know, he's gonna keep giving them out, but only for you.

[sulumuns-dootah]

Hello there! I’m new to your blog and am not sure if your requests are open, but if they are, could you please write the WHB Kings finding MC singing some goofy song they made, sort of in the realm of an inappropriate Al Yankovic one? I have been doing this in Tomodachi Life and have become obsessed 😭😭 TYSM!!! 💖💖

A/N: Hi! Hope you're enjoying my stuff as well as this one. My requests are open all the time ^^

WHB kings overhearing you sing an inappropriate goofy song

⟡ Masterlist ⟡ 

Characters: Satan, Mammon, Leviathan, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Lucifer, Asmodeus (for added ✨pizzazz✨)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Has to do a double take

He's always thought that you're much more innocent, but the moment something inappropriate leaves your mouth, he's bursting out laughing

You better write those lyrics down if you haven't yet

I would be carefull though, if he overhears anything eluding to having some spicy time, he's immediatelly by your side and taking you up on that non-existing offer

       ༺☆༻

For some reason gets flustered?

On one hand it could be that he simply may have intruded on your privacy by catching you singing in private

On the other, it might be because of the song you're singing

If you notice him, he'll probabbly start grinning

There's still some child inside him that makes him chuckle when someone uses inappropriate words

       ༺☆༻

He's disappointed

You couldn't sink lower in his eyes

Levi gets apalled, that you'd be so immature to amuse yourself with some improper lyrics

He really thought you're better than that

When you notice him standing behind you, he's just there, with his arms crossed and shaking his head

You don't even get hanged

That's how much he's done with you in the moment

       ༺☆༻

Looks like you've gotten yourself a fan!

Beel loves anything inappropriate

Dirty covers of some songs? He'll make it a contest as to who can make the more dirty one

Your singing will also make him stick around a lot more

Even to the point, where Bael has a surveillance on you all the time to see if the king is with you instead of doing his duties

       ༺☆༻

Kinda mad at first, because you woke him up

But after listening for a bit, he'll just roll over and smirk

Maybe once he's more rested, you could sing for him

When he can't fall back asleep, you'll turn around to see him groggily leaning against the doorframe and clutching his blanket

"Well go on... Or did cat get your tongue?"

       ༺☆༻

First and foremost really enjoys your voice

When he finally realises what you're singing, he finds it amusing how you're not ashamed to say certain things

Part of him wants to give you the disappointed parent treatment like Levi

But then again, there are way worse things you could be doing and hey, if it makes you happy, then why not

As long as Gamigin doesn't pick up this habit too, he's okay with it

       ༺☆༻

Asmodeus

Anything remotely dirty perks up his ears

"Huhu? What a dirty human I have here"

Yeah, same with Satan - if you sing about sex, it means to him you want it, sorry, I don't make the rules

Asmo loves finding out new things about humans though

Do you have any other fun secrets you could share?

[lilbardrhi]

"Broken", Not Stupid - Nesting Suppplies (Bonus)

Pairing: alpha!Simon "Ghost" Riley x unusual omega!OC (13)

CW: Omegaverse; cult-like situation; dehumanization; selling children to a cult

Author's Note: Um... hello, my 100+ followers... holy shit >.> Let's celebrate with a bonus part! Thank you all for being here <3 and happy new year, everyone!

<Johnny.

>L.T.

<Smartass. I need your help. <What the hell do omegas need for their nests? Pillows and blankets but what else?

>L.T. >Did you find an omega?

<In a way, yes.

>Did you go to Salvation?!

<Yes. There's a lot to it but for now I just need you to help me gather things for a nest. <We're going shopping.

>HELL YEAH!!!!! >I'll be at yours in about 15!

<Johnny, just meet me at the shops. <Johnny.

"Dammit," Simon grumbles.

The idiot already got in his truck, Simon's sure of it. Johnny may struggle with over excitement and ADHD, but he's anal about no phones while driving. He'll even make someone pull over so he can drive if he catches the driver with their phone. Even did it to Simon. Only once. Simon hasn't touched his phone while driving since.

As soon as Johnny arrives, Simon drops an extra bit of kibble and a few treats in Selene's dish before joining Johnny in his truck. The door is barely closed before Johnny's spouting off questions.

"Johnny! One question at a time," Simon snaps then takes a deep breath with his eyes closed. He hadn't meant to snap at the man; he's just overwhelmed as is. "I'm sorry," he mumbles. Apologies are still a work in progress for him.

"Nah, I'm sorry, Si. I can see how stressed you are," Johnny says with a concerned frown. "What's going on?"

As Johnny begins driving into town, Simon explains what he knows and the alarms that go off in his head while he's on the facility's property. For the first time in a long time, Johnny is quiet. Even when Simon stops talking, Johnny is deadly quiet.

"What's her name?" Johnny asks finally, eyes on the road and shoulders tense.

"I don't think she knows. Introduced herself as 'UK-009-0013' or '13' and said nothing about an actual name. She doesn't even seem bothered by being called a number."

"I see," Johnny says softly. "Well, let's make sure she'll be comfortable in her new home."

The two men fall into a thoughtful silence for the rest of the drive. Once they reach the shops in town, Simon seems on edge again.

"What am I even supposed to get her? I can't get her clothes, I don't know her size-"

"Just give her some of your clothes. At least to come home in," Johnny shrugs. "Maybe it'll make her more comfortable. Having your scent prior to arriving could make a difference. If you're worried about nesting supplies, that would be easier. For now, since you don't know her favorite colors or textures, just get colors that will remind her of you and stick to textures that are maybe even softer than you are comfortable with."

"How do you know these things?" Simon asks with a sigh as they enter a shop.

"Research," Johnny shrugs. "And both of my sisters are omegas. So I learned from seeing them grow up. Mum also taught me by dragging me along with the three of them to shop. Hated it at the time, but I couldn't be more grateful now," he says with a smile.

"And you don't have an omega... why?"

Johnny shrugs at his best friend's question.

"Just haven't found a good match yet, I suppose. What about you? You were almost against having an omega and now you've taken one in in far less than twenty-four hours." Johnny raises an eyebrow at Simon in curiosity just before smiling and waving at the shop employee that greeted them at the door.

"I guess..." Simon trails off, thinking. "I guess my instincts finally decided it was time to look. As for 13, specifically? I don't know. Maybe it's because there's something clearly wrong with Salvation and I can't stand for that treatment of omegas?"

"Maybe because deep down you know she's a good match, for some reason or another?" Johnny offers and leads Simon to a display with various blankets.

"Maybe..."

Masterlist | CoD Masterlist | Part One

Tag List: @lucienofthelakes @lostintransist @demothers-empty-blog @scaredyspooks @tessakate @one-really-annoying-tree-rat @nerdyphantomtheorist @gazsluckyhat @peanutismynickname

[creek-dump-blog]

This is the first part of my fanfiction 'To The Three of Us.' The rest of the fanfiction will be published on Wattpad and I will be making art for the fanfiction here

My Wattpad

__________

Third Person/Kenny pov:

Whenever something good happens in South Park you’ll be foolish to think it’ll last long. That was Kenny’s mistake.

Kenny tries to steady his thoughts by removing himself from the frantic commotion that happens during the lunch period. He couldn’t let himself slip. He’s dealt with way worse situations but the feeling of isolation is corrupting his life.

Kenny hides behind the dumpster at the back of the school making sure no one is around. He takes out a lighter and cigarette, taking in the rush of smoke filling his lungs to ground his body to some feeling. He slowly recognizes quiet footsteps from his left leading in his direction and tries to stomp out the cancer stick, but the damage is done.

He turns his head to the person on looking at his form and immediately notices the mass of erratic blond hair and messily button-up olive shirt.

“Tweek, what are you doing here?”

Tweek looked down at the cigarette I stomped then replied to my question.

“You know, smoking at such a young age is going to make you die faster.”

I was going to make a joke, but for some reason, I decided to be honest.

“Heh, I don’t smoke for ‘that reason.’ Smoking can actually suppress your appetite, and well, my parents would rather waste money on cigarettes than feed the family.”

“Oh… Well- Do you think this could help?”

Tweek hands Kenny a brown bag with a Tweek Bros. logo filled with a sandwich and a muffin. I haven’t talked to Tweek since the whole “replacing me with him” fiasco so why is he suddenly worried about me?

“What’s with the special treatment?”, I ask Tweek.

Tweek replies saying, “Well, most people know Kyle and Stan give you some of their lunch. I noticed you haven’t been talking to them.”

God, why are people at this school so fucking nosy?! Kenny tried to ignore his resentment and responded.

“I’m fine. I just needed some space from them.”

“What did you eat today?”

“Uhhhh…” Why is it so hard to remember? “I think I had one-fourth of a waffle-”

“OH GEEZ! THIS ISN’T NEARLY ENOUGH TO FEED YOU! AHH!! I COULDN’T FORGIVE MYSELF IF YOU STARVED TO DEATH! GH- THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE!!!”

Tweek is shaking frenziedly and pulls his hair hard enough to almost make bald spots on his scalp. Kenny already had a hard time handling Tweek’s uncontrollable frantic movements from afar so Kenny tried to say anything that he thought could help.

“Tweek! I’m okay! Really-”

“GAAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA-”

Tweek dashed away from Kenny, with arms flailing and all, and left the school premises into town.

Kenny watches in awe for a couple of seconds until the bell rings. Kenny almost makes it to fourth period but is quickly interrupted by a dead-flat monotone voice.

“What the hell did you do to Tweek?”

Kenny turns his head to see Craig staring at him with his eyebrows frowning.

“What do you mean ‘what I did to Tweek?’”

“Tweek told me he was going to talk to you and I can’t find him anywhere.”

“Oh,” How the hell do I explain THAT situation? “Tweek gave me food, then he screamed, then he left school.”

“Okay.” Craig flips Kenny and walks to his fourth period class.

Why are they so weird? Eh, I guess that means they’re made for each other.

__________

Kenny woke up the next morning with the mindset of ignoring the two boys. He honestly doesn’t know how to feel about them, especially Tweek, but it’s not like life has gone his way before so it doesn’t.

Kenny notices people staring at the erratic boy walking towards him. Tweek is lugging on his back an enormous backpack filled with who knows what while also trying to carry his school backpack. Kenny also observes Tweek’s face. Tweek somehow looks more tired than before with large eye bags hanging off of his eyes and he’s barely able to stay awake.

Tweek finally makes it to Kenny and says, “Hey Kenny.”

“Uh… hey to you too.”

“Um, I wanted to give you this.”

Tweek struggles to take off the backpack consuming his form and hands it over to Kenny. Kenny unzips the backpack to look at a backpack filled with homemade sandwiches, baked goods, and fruits.

Did he- did he run home screaming and stay up all night cooking and baking just to feed me and my family? That is simultaneously one of the strangest yet sweetest things someone has ever done to me.

“I’ll be out of your hair now,” Tweek trails to his homeroom but Kenny grabs his shoulder and brings them into a hug. Tweek is shaking profusely in Kenny’s arms, but this time Kenny doesn’t care.

“Thank you, Tweek. No one has done something like this to me before.”

Kenny pulls back and sees Tweek look at him anxiously. Kenny could practically hear Tweek doubting himself.

“Really, I mean it. Who knew someone so cute cared about me.”

Kenny wasn’t lying when he said that. Sure, Tweek was twitchy but he had nice soft yet masculine features and Kenny definitely wasn’t disappointed by Tweek’s face going red.

“ALRIGHT! I’ll SEE YOU LATER! BYE!!! Tweek covers his face and trips to his homeroom.

__________

After Tweek’s intervention three months ago, Kenny started hanging out with Tweek and Craig. Kenny initially distanced himself from people because he was depressed about graduation. Pretty much everyone graduating would be leaving South Park (who can blame them, really?) and Kenny didn’t have any money to leave with them.

Despite Kenny’s concerns he still wanted to spend time with the two boys. He genuinely had a good time with them and they in turn somehow tolerated him.

Kenny was currently situated in Craig’s backyard at night, throwing pebbles at Craig’s window trying to get his attention. After a couple of seconds, he sees a light flicker on from one of the windows and hears the window slide open.

“Can I come in?” Kenny whispers to the familiar chullo silhouette.

Craig flips him off.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Kenny whispers back.

Kenny’s times as Mysterion helped him quickly climb Craig’s wall. He lands his feet on the floor and walks to Craig’s bed.

They’ve pretty much made this a routine at this point. Whenever Kenny’s parents would get into a fight (which was often) he would walk to Craig's house and use his telescope to distract himself. Tweek would sometimes join if his parents weren’t coddling him. Even though Kenny didn’t understand space, he did understand the appeal of looking at the vast space to fill your thoughts.

Craig puts Stripe #3 in his cage and sets up the telescope. Craig noticed that Kenny was being abnormally quiet so he decided to speak up.

“So?”

“Just thinking about things.”

“Like what?”

“Like how I’m pansexual.”

“Okay.”

Ah, there goes the classic Tucker charm.

“That’s really all you have to say,” Kenny replied.

“I don’t care.”

“Well, it’s kind of a big deal.”

“Why should it be a big deal? Sexuality is used by both sides as an excuse to ‘other’ each other and I don’t care to continue the trend.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

Craig finishes setting up the telescope and guides Kenny to the eyepiece.

Kenny continues the conversation by saying, “Do you have a crush on someone?”

“Why are we on this topic?”

“Oh come on! You gotta like someone unless you’re aromantic.”

“No. I’m not that.”

“Hmm… is it Clyde?

“Ew. No”

“Is it me?”

“No.”

Kenny was a little disappointed that it wasn’t him even though he knew his real crush.

Kenny removed his right eye from the telescope to see Craig’s reaction to his next question.

“Is it Tweek?”

Craig’s cheeks and ears were quickly covered in a vibrant red. Craig tried to hide his face with his chullo even though his reaction was obvious.

“U-Uh… I don’t know…”

“Aww! Someone has a crush! I think you should tell him though. You guys work well together.”

Craig didn’t say anything, turning his back to Kenny and wanting to cut the conversation. Kenny didn’t push him and continued to look at the stars through the telescope.

__________

Around midnight Kenny sneaks out of Craig’s house and takes out his phone to text in his group chat with Craig and Tweek.

Orange AirPod

hey guys. You wanna hang out tmw?

Space Cadet

dude you literally left my house like 2 secs ago and it’s fucking late. Stfu

Orange AirPod

meanie >:(

Coffee Bean 

aw ;-; I wish I was there

Orange AirPod

see Tweeky wants to hang out

Coffee Bean

Tweeky? really?!

Space Cadet

fine. We can talk about it at school. Night mcwhoremick. Night Tweekers

Orange AirPod

🖕

Space Cadet

Hey that���s my thing

Coffee Bean

what’s with the nicknames? :(

Kenny closes his phone and continues to walk home. He knows he should probably distance himself from them but there are only three weeks of school left so why not?

To make the walk a little more entertaining Kenny sings Butter’s song

“Lu Lu Lu, I’ve got some apples,

“Lu Lu Lu, you got some too!”

What? It was catchy. Don’t blame Kenny.

Kenny sees the outline of his house but then he hears someone running up to him. Kenny turns around and sees a zombie coming close to his face.

“THE FUCK-“ Weren’t zombies supposed to be slow?! His answer was confirmed when the zombie ripped on his flesh and the world went blank.

Huh… nothing ever goes right for me.

My Wattpad

[the-owl-tree]

What about My Pride? The uh YouTube series, I think the writer was problematic somehow but that might be a thing to mention and also I’d like to see your thoughts

It's on the list! My shorter, more concise thoughts are that while I appreciate it as very much a labor of love with some talented artists and voice actors on the team, the actual story and writing is disappointing, tone deaf, and downright infuriating at times.

I guess rattling off my issues (spoilers included):

I found the central handling of disability and Nothing's character to be poorly thought out. Needing multiple abled bodied characters to get her moving, it feels like there was little research done in trying to depict a character like her.

I hate that her name stays as "Nothing" and that an abled bodied lion lectures her about accepting it. Terribly thought out scene. I'm a she should've changed her name to Everything truther.

The central gay lion romance that the series is based off is pretty poorly written with very few sprinkles of endearing and fun moments between them unfortunately. Hover is...mean? She's a terrible partner and I was genuinely upset that her not sticking up for her girlfriend all because she missed idk a lion recital (something Hover?? canonically should not give a shit about???) was scummy. it would be one thing if Hover was meant to be in the wrong...but she's not depicted as that?

The two spend so much time apart, you start to get kind of annoyed at how much gay lions were part of the marketing and then the gay lions! weren't there!!

Didn't care for it!!

I actually liked the world and premise. I enjoy unfair and cruel societies, I like the idea of someone working to change the system (though I very rarely see the execution of that I like, very rarely will stories depict the actual necessary actions for confronting a society like this: tearing it down entirely and building something better).

I hate Feather. Them pulling their punch and not killing him was lame.

Nothing's brother being the twist villain should have been set up better, it doesn't hit the same way it could have had the series planted the seeds earlier on. We have no reason to understand why he would act this way, he was doing just fine better? Why not set up tensions when we meet the group of young male lions?

I don't like that the only real importance Nothing holds isn't because of something about her in the present, but the importance of her able bodied past life. Her ending with her wanting to die is...bleak because I don't believe she has recognized her own worth.

Poor handling of abuse. I disagree with the notion that trying to give depth to abusers is in itself apologia, but the show is trying to like....idk how to say this properly but it wants to "both sides" Nothing's mother's treatment of her, ya know? I found it really icky.

Uh I think I could say more but you'd have to give me a specific topic to bite onto or I'll keep meandering lol but I didn't care for the show but I do feel for fans of the show who are stuck on a cliffhanger. I hope the creator releases the rest of the story plan at the very least.

[readingslover]

Chapter 13

Previous chapter | Next chapter

That night at Joe’s bar wasn’t anything too special, but it felt like the perfect night. It wasn’t too crowded but there were just enough people to make it seem like you didn’t stick out like a sore thumb. Music was playing in the background, but Amory didn’t pay attention to it as she was gazing at her boyfriend, still needing to get used to that. The two of them were sitting at a table along with Meredith. Miranda was eating some peanuts at the bar, totally ignoring that the interns were just a few meters away from her. the owned himself was mixing drinks behind the bar and paced a glass of wine in front of a costumer. Not far from the table was Izzie who was waiting for her drink and not so subtle sneaking glances at Ales, who was across the room, throwing darts. He noticed her looking and smiled back at her. With a smile on her lips, she grabbed her drink and walked over to the table with George, Meredith and Amory who were sitting with their own drinks and snacks.

“I don’t know, when I left Cristina said she was okay,” George explained, having been the last one to check on the curly-haired woman.

“Nobody goes through what she went through and is totally over it by now,” Izzie reason, making hand gestures as she took a sip of her drink.

“Cristina can.” George shrugged.

“She’s fine,” Meredith stated, playing with the straw of her drink.

“Too fine. She’s cold,” The tall blonde said.

“Have you met Cristina?” Amory sarcastically said, downing the rest of her drink. “She’s hard-core. she does what she has to get through.”

“She lost a baby. She lost a fallopian tube. And she’s acting like she doesn’t even care.,” Izzie explained, not understanding Cristina’s thought process. Amory slightly rolled her eyes, sometimes Izzie could be oversensitive. She and Cristina were total opposites, one cared too much and the other cared too little. “She’s all, ‘hello, I’m totally fina’ person. I mean, she’s my friend too, but she’s acting like she has no emotions or warmth… like she’s missing a soul.”

“Again, have you met Cristina?” Amory repeated in the same tone of voice as previously.

George slightly chuckled. “God, she is gonna make a great surgeon.” He admired.

“George,” Izzie warned.

“It’s true,” He continued. “You show no weakness, you make it to the top.”

“Some people just keep their feelings to themselves.” Meredith shortly explained, looking at the tall blonde. 

~~~~~~

As the interns, except for Izzie and Cristina, enter their patient’s room along with their resident, they find a crowd surrounding the woman.

“So we were in the middle of the Belizean jungle and this jaguar jumped out and bites one of the guys. They all look at me, they’re yelling, ‘You’re a doctor, help him.’ This was the time a Ph.D. does no good.” The woman told her crowd as everyone laughed.

“I’m sorry, did I mess the bell for social hour?” Bailey stopped the story as she glanced around the room. Everyone glanced at each other and quickly left the room going back to do their jobs.

“Tales of missionary life.” The blond patient explained.

“You’re a missionary?” Izzie inquired excitedly.

“No, my parents. We traveled a lot, and they still do.”

“That’s great…” The former model started, before noticing her resident’s look. “Um, this is Dr. Burke’s patient, Kalpana Vera.”

“Kull-punnah.” She corrected the pronunciation. “Named by the villagers in Nepal.”

“She presents with multiple syncopal episodes and ventricular arrhythmias.”

“So you’ve been passing out?” Bailey asked the patient.

“Yeah, and having palpitations.”

“Past medical history of rheumatic heart disease with mitral valve stenosis.” Izzie continued while the other interns took notes.

“They had to ship me from Zambia to the States for three months of treatment when I was eight. Rheumatic fever almost killed me.” Kalpana clarified.

“Stevens, what are the primary causes of ventricular arrhythmia?” The resident questioned.

Suddenly, they heard a voice behind them that made Amory jump slightly. “Valvular disease, mitral valve prolapse, stimulants, drugs, and metabolic abnormalities,” Cristina yelled behind them, dressed in a hospital gown. Ate everyone’s looks, she asked. “What?” She was still attached to her IV stand and she looked pleased with herself since she knew to correct answer. Amory couldn’t help but smile at Cristina’s stubbornness.

“Out!” Bailey warned.

“I’m fine.” The intern protested.

“Out! You better be in your room by the time we round on you.”

“And when will that be?” The interns smiled at each other.

“In fifteen seconds. 14… 13… 12…11.” As the woman left, the slit of her hospital gown provided a view of her pink underwear.

“Nice panties, Yang.” Alex teased as the interns laughed, Amory burying her face on George’s shoulder.

“In your dreams, evil spawn!” Cristina hissed before finally going back to her room.

They finished everything up with Kalpana and mover on to the next patient, which was Cristina. She was lying in her bed again, while her mother was sitting on a couch beside a window sewing something.

“Cristina Yang, post-op day three from a unilateral salpingectomy,” Amory presented, trying not to laugh at the dirty look Cristina was sending her mother.

“And ready to get back to work,” Cristina cut in.

“Is she?” Her mother piped up.

Amory looked at Bailey. “She’s taking solids and her pain is controlled with oral meds.”

“See? I’m ready.” Cristina insisted.

“Didn’t the nurse say this morning you had a fever?” Her mom asked her.

“Mother,” Cristina snapped, glaring at her mother.

“Cristina, did you have a fever?” Bailey questions her intern with a stern look. Cristina debated telling her or not, but in the end, she told the truth.

“Temp spiked to 101 last night. Big deal.”

“She worked two shifts last month with a 102 degree flu,” George revealed to his resident, helping Cristina.

“Yes, exactly, George. Thank you.” Cristina thanked him, a smile gracing her lips.

“And we appreciate your dedication, but you’re staying in bed until it normalizes.” Bailey objected to Cristina’s idea of working again.

Her mother sighed, “I keep telling her there’s more to life than surgery and career.”

“Mother, go upholster something.” Cristina retorted, causing Amory to laugh under her breath.

“Look, I need you to relax. Shut up, and get better. You’re a patient this week, so you can be a doctor next week. Understand?” Bailey exited the room with her group behind her.

Before Amory and Meredith could leave, Cristina held onto their arms. “Mer, Amy, you cannot leave me alone with her. I’m flying over the cuckoo’s nest here. You have to save me.” She begged.

“You need time to heal,” Meredith sighed.

“I’m healed,” Cristina called after her as Meredith walked out of the room. ‘I’m healed!”

Seeing the hopeful look on her face, Amory sent her an apologetic look, feeling for the girl. “I’ll bring you some jello.”

“Fine, “She huffed. “But not the green. The green sucks.”

~~~~~~

The next patient they were rounding on was Ellis Grey. Meredith didn’t look forward to it and hesitated before going into the room. Ellis was lying in her bed in a dark pink robe with her arms crossed over her chest. “Okay, Dr. O’Malley, you’re presenting,” Bailey said and signals George to begin. Amory already felt pity for the boy who Ellis thought was Thatcher.

“Okay, Dr. Grey is post-op day three from a tumor resection.”

“Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong,” Ellis interrupted him, thinking that they were going to perform surgery. George tried to start over, but Elllis wouldn’t let him. “He’s got it all wrong. It’s not asthma, it’s gerd. He needs a Nissen fundoplication.” A sigh left everyone’s lips in the room. Her eyes then landed on her daughter. “I don’t want her in the room.”

“Mom!”

“She’s a child, and I won’t have her on my team.”

“We’ll meet outside, Dr. Grey,” Bailey said to her intern and signaled for her to leave the room. She walked out of her mother’s room, stunned and angry at her mother. It was embarrassing that she had been kicked out of a patient’s room, her mother’s nonetheless.

~~~~~~

Amory was assigned to a case with Alex that day. They had to look through the files of people in  the waiting room needing to care for every single one of them. but, they were looking for the best one, the surgical one. 

“Found a good one, Alex?” She asked as she stood behind him.

“I’m looking.” He replied. His main focus was on the files. His muttering suddenly stopped and his head shot up. with a confused look on his face, he showed the file to Amory.

She raised her brows. “Is this a joke? this can’t be real.” She said disbelievingly.

“A gunshot wound to the head? How is that freaking possible?” He looked around, but saw no one that had been shot in the head. “Where the hell is the gunshot wound to the head? Why wasn’t the trauma team called? Hello, are you insane?”

A nurse came up to the duo with answers. “There's your gunshot wound.” She gestured to the waiting room where a middle-aged brunette guy was sitting reading a magazine, looking perfectly okay. Except for the slight reddish bump on his forehead.

“Wait, that guy was shot in the head? Are you serious?” Amory asked again, her eyes on the man. She couldn’t believe it? the nurse nodded and helped the two interns bring the patient to one of the trauma rooms. Amory was still dumbfounded that the man was walking around and talking, and not in pain after being shot in the head. Alex was doing a physical and simple neuro exam as Amory wrote things down on the clipboard, listening to Alex in the meantime. There seemed to be no exit wound, only a burn on his forehead.

“I’m telling you, I shit myself. Pulled the trigger when I was cleaning my .22. I thought the clip was out. If you’re thinking suicide, don’t. People make mistakes. I made a mistake,” The man sounded resigned. “And now I’m paying for it.” He sighed and looked at the ceiling.”But I did shoot myself.” The two interns looked at him, not believing a single word he said. There was no way this was possible, in any way, shape or form.

“Yeah, right, and I have a bullet in my knee.” Amory muttered to herself. Alex had heard her and turned around with his signature smirk on his face, trying to hold his laughter.

~~~~~~

As Meredith, Cristina and Amory sat in the tunnels, the last one reading an article, as the Asian woman charted.

“Addison gave Derek divorce papers. It’s good.” Meredith said.

“So, is she leaving? I know you don’t like her, but I really like working with her. Besides if it weren’t for her being McDreamy’s wife I think you’d like her too.” Amory spoke up, Meredith nodding at her absentmindedly.

“You know it’s fine to me that you work with her, you shouldn’t hold back on you career just because I dated her husband.” The dirty blonde said, making the short girl give her an appreciative smile. “I mean, she’s still here, being Addison but it’s not like I’m jealous or anything.”

“It’s okay if you are, you know. Derek puth you and her in a very uncomfortable situation…” The short girl answered.

“That’s odd…” Cristina whispers.

“It’s odd that I’m not jealous?”

“No, you have every right to be jealous. It’s your territory and she’s peeing all over it. What’s odd is Burke’s patient. She’s been in four hospitals this year…”

“You seem awfully interested in Burke’s patient…” Meredith pointed out.

“This has nothing to do with Burke…”

“Cristina, you lost a Fallopian tube, a baby and a boyfriend all at once, you don’t have to be okay.” Amory explained. “I would.”

“Yeah, you have a right to be upset.” The dirty blonde shared.

“And you’re losing McDreamy to his perfect wife, you have a right to be jealous.” Cristina deadpanned.

“I did not lose McDreamy. There’s divorce papers, remember? I’m not jealous.”

“And I’m not upset.”

“You really are gonna keep fooling yourselves?” The short girl pleaded. “Besided, shouldn’t you be in your room, Cristina?”

“Okay, if the situation was reversed, would you want to spend time with your mother in a confined room, with one window?” It took a moment before Amory decided to answer. 

“My mom wouldn’t even come here. She’s too high or drunk to get to the airport or go through security. Neither of my parents would. “

“I didn’t know that, I’m sorry.” Cristina commented feeling for the girl. “And you Mer, would you survive with your mom constantly in your room if you were me?”

“Do you think we’re like them? Our mothers?” The dirty blonde questioned.

~~~~~~

Amory and Alex were in an exam room standing next to Derek as they looked at Samuel, their patient, and his wife. They had confirmed earlier that he did have a bullet in his head. While they had been waiting for the scans, they had been interrupted twice, once by the patient’s wife and the other time by Meredith’s mother. She had managed to slip past George and ended up in the viewing room. Amory just shook her head at her poor boyfriend who was stuck babysitting for the day.

“You understand that we’ll need to do a psych evaluation?” The neurosurgeon asked the married couple.

“How many times do we have to tell you? He wasn’t trying to kill himself. It was an accident.” The wife repeated, not too happy with the question, while her husband didn’t really mind.

“They’re just trying to do their job, hon.” Samuel tried to calm her down.

“Well… no, their job is to make you better.”

“Where were you when the gun went off?” Shepherd asked the woman while walking around the bed and closer to the patient.

“I was in the next room, and I heard the shot and it was awful.” She immediately said.

“Why didn’t you call 911?” Alex asked. Amory couldn’t help but nod in agreement. She had been thinking the same thing. She could at least have called an ambulance. That was a normal response after hearing a gunshot. The blonde crossed her arms over her chest like Alex did and stared at the wife.

“Cause he was only unconscious for a moment and then… then he was, he was walking and talking and…” The patient’s wife stuttered hoping that her explanation had convinced the group of doctors.

“You’re going to have to give a report to the police.” Derek interrupted the woman’s explanation and crossed his arms too.

“Police?”

“What… what do we need to talk to the police about?”

“Whenever someone comes in with a gunshot wound, we need to report it to the police. It’s the law.” Amory clarified. She then followed the attending alongside Alex away from the couple. Mrs. Linden stroked her husband’s cheek and mouthed that it would be okay, but her husband turned his head away from her. Looks like there was some trouble in paradise.

~~~~~~

While Derek, Alex, and Amory were performing surgery on Samual, Mrs. Linden was being interrogated by the police. the three of them had overheard a fight they had and discovered that the wife shot their patient after finding out he had been cheating on her. Something none of them thought of. 

Alex was standing next to Amory just looking, while she took the lead. “This  is one sick bastard. We should flip him over and give him a spine.” Alex commented as he looked at the unconscious patient.

“Hold back on that retractor, Dr. Madden.” Derek said to the blonde before speaking to the woman who stood next to Alex. “Little suction, Bokhee.”

“Covering for his wife after she shot him.”

“He did cheat on her.”

“That’s no excuse to shoot hum in the head, or anywhere. I get that she was angry, but shooting him? That’s maybe a bit too much, right?” Amory joined in but kept her eyes down on the patient in front her.

“Relationships are built on sacrifice.”

“Not that kind of sacrifice.”

“Hmm, I don’t know. Sometimes a bullet’s worth it.” The two interns shared a look before their eyes landed on the neurosurgeon. You could feel that not everyone felt comfortable after that comment, but no one commented on it. From time to time, someone spoke up during surgery, starting a short conversation, but overall it was silent in the OR. 

Hours later, the surgery was successfully finished and Samuel was brought to the post-recovery ward. He woke up a little later and had questions about his wife?

“What did she tell them?”

“That you cheated on her. That she was drunk. You were cleaning your guns in the kitchen.” Derek answered as he was writing something down in the man’s chart.

“I’m not gonna press charges.”

“That doesn’t matter. She confessed and that meanest assault on the first degree.” Amory replied as she looked at the patient, who looked sad.

“They arrested her?”

“Man, you should be grateful.” Alex joined the conversation.

“You know what I am? Stupid. Nothing will make you feel more stupid than cheating on the woman you love. You don’t know what you’re missing.” The two guys pondered this while both thinking of the woman they loved. Izzie was waiting outside the room, putting away a chart at the nurses’ station. Alex made eye contact with her and she smiled back at him before walking away.

After Derek had left, Amory turned to face Alex. “Hey, good luck with the Chied and your date with Izzie. Don’t be an ass, please, she doesn’t deserve more than the ass version of you.” She patted his shoulder before walking away.

~~~~~~

As Amory and Meredith got a page, they run to Cristina’s room and find her bawling.

“What’s going on?” The blonde asked.

“I can’t stop. I can’t… I can’t stop…” Cristina explained, tears running down her face.

“Crying, she can’t stop crying.” Izzie explained.

“I can see that.” Meredith answered.

“What did you do to her?” Amory furrowed her brows.

“Nothing.” 

“She’s gonna dehydrate. Cristina, do you want some water?” George offered.

As Amory went to hug her, George grabbed her arm and pulled her away. “No!”

“I’ve tried that, it just made it worse.” The taller blonde explained.

“Okay, try to take deep breaths.” The short blonde advised.

“I knew she’d break sooner or later, just a matter of time.” Her mother explained, a hand to her chest.

“I will kill her!” Cristina yelled between sobs and Meredith escorted the woman out of the room.

“We don’t do well with mothers here. Why don’t you leave and come back later.”

“Cristina?” Amory asked, giving her a tissue.

“Make it stop! Make it stop!” She pleaded.

“Okay, enough of being nice.”  The short girl got closer and yelled at her friend. “You are Cristina Yang, first of her clas in Stanford, remember who you are!” The crying girl’s sobs grew quieter. “If you want to cry; you get to cry, but you are in control of your own body! Now, if you don’t stop I’m going to need to slap you for the shock, so I’d advice you to get your shit together!” Cristina finally stopped crying and wiped her tears with her hand.

“It stopped! Thank you, Amy.”

“Oh god, Amy, I’m a bit scared of you now.” George joked.

“Well, it’s very simple. Don’t do anything to make me mad so I don’t have to be mad.” The girl shrugged.

~~~~~~

At the end of the day, Amory and George arrived at home together and flopped down on the couch.

“You know, I kind of liked seeing that side of you with Cristina today…” George said, kissing her as Amory smiled a little.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it was, um… it was kind of hot.”

“Really?” She asked once more, her tone now changing from sweet to slightly provocative, raising one brow.

“Really.” He kissed her deeper as their tongues came to play. However, once it seemed that the make out session might escalate, the girl broke the kiss.

“How about I go make us some dinner?” She suggested, standing up from the couch, a quizzical look on the boy’s face at the sudden change of heart.

[saltyladynightmare]

Jiliu AU 9.2

Beginning, Previous, Next, Masterlist

A/N:

Ori'Ana : mando'a/basic, a mix of Ori'vod, and Anakin, basically naming him Older Brother Anakin, just as the suffix -'ika makes 'younger Brother' from Vod'ika

/italics/ : thoughts, emphasis

bold : talking though the Force, because why not

Chapter 9 is not completely finished, but chapter 10 is an idea. If anyone has any ideas for scenes in which the Vod'e are learning how to use the Force, please feel free to contact me or leave a comment. So far, all of my ideas involve various troopers launching themselves into walls when they jump/run/do something too fast. It gets monotonous after a while.

Warnings:

Anakin is a lonely string bean. He also has no trust in the Jedi, because I was salty when i started writing this, and must stick to my guns. Mentioned mistreatment of the Coruscant Guard.

~~~~~~

Fox commed at 0003. When Anakin accepted the comm, he was unsurprised to find it was only audio. Fox was using the comm built into his helmet; the one with top tier GAR encryptions, assigned to each Clone Commander. Exactly as careful as Anakin had hoped.

"General Skywalker," Fox greeted.

"Commander Fox," Anakin returned easily. If titles were what Fox wanted to use right then, than Anakin had no problems letting him lead the conversation in a direction that would make him most comfortable. "I'll warn you now; this isn't a social comm."

"Your earlier comm conveyed that, sir," Fox assured gruffly.

Oh, good. "I know you're busy, so I'll do my best to keep this brief," Anakin started. "Due to..." whatever in the name of the Force had happened, "...an incident on my last mission, I'm on medical leave for the foreseeable future."

"What?" Ah, there's Ori'vod Fox, as Anakin knew and adored. Never mind that Anakin was a little under nine years older than him. Elder Sibling was a mindset, not a birth order, even if he and Fox had a weird tendency of tossing that particular title back and forth like a live grenade.

"I'm fine," Anakin stated. "I'm not dying, or even lightly maimed. I'm moving around on my own, and I'm not on bed rest." Anakin inhaled to continue, but hesitated. He cursed himself. This is Fox. Anakin can tell him this kind of thing without being judged for more than being a little bit of an idiot. He was pretty sure. But really, even if he was wrong and Fox did judge him, what dignity did Anakin have left? "I'm currently confined to a heavily shielded room in the Healing Halls, because the Force is suddenly excruciatingly loud and my body responds appropriately, but physically okay."

"Appropri—you're saying that your body is acting like its taking sonic damage?"

Anakin grinned. "Yes. Good news is: there is a possible treatment option, but I'm probably not going to see results for a few days if it does actually work." It'd work. Anakin would make sure of it, even it meant hemorrhaging energy into the Force itself. He would not stay in this room for a moment longer than necessary. "In the mean time, I've been confined to a heavily shielded room with limited access to the outside, and a To Do list longer than a venator-class cruiser. I was wondering if the Guard was able or willing to assist my men in getting some of the things on my list completed."

Fox went quiet for several beats. Anakin bit his lip to force himself to remain silent, giving Fox enough time to process.

It didn't take him long. "You'll want Guide," Fox stated.

"If he's willing," Anakin agreed.

Fox concurred, "If he's willing." The crackle of flimsy shuffling fizzed through the admittedly shoddy speakers of Anakin's make-shift comm. "I can arrange for four Vod'e to be available at oh-six hundred today."

"Excellent." Anakin hauled his aching body up onto the chair behind him, and reached for one of the closer, mostly blank datapads. "If you could comm me with the names of the four, I'll wright up instructions to send them."

"Will do."

Nerves rolled in Anakin's gut, but he shoved them away. Fox is reasonable, and if he turns Anakin away, that's on him, he reminded himself. "While we're talking," he started forcefully casual, "does the Guard need anything? We're aiming mostly for medical supplies and food, but I want to introduce Torrent to little bit of everything."

Fox hummed contemplatingly. Anakin tapped a free finger against the datapad. Fox didn't need to think about what the Guard needed; he knew because he was a good Commander. He was staling because, like most competent people who'd been spurned before, Fox was hesitant to ask for anything like assistance.

"Ten crates of food, and three crates of medical supplies," he said eventually.

"No problem." Anakin typed the requests into the 'pad one-handed, making a note to triple that if at all possible, and maybe see about getting them a quick sweet snack they could stash in their utility belts. It was the least he could do.

While he typed this, and Fox filed his mountains of datawork, something pings softly on Fox's side of the comm. A moment later, Fox told Anakin, "Guide has agreed to act as a guide."

Anakin grinned. "Well, that's one thing off my mind. And the other three?"

"Pending."

"Ok." Anakin thought about ending the conversation there with a reminder to comm him when Fox had confirmation. Something in him rebelled at the idea. It wasn't a big deal to stay on the line with Fox, it had been awhile since they had talked. And, if Anakin was honest with himself, he really didn't want to be alone right then anyway. If Fox wants to end the comm, then he can, Anakin decided. Until then, they could sit in silence.

Absently humming to himself, Anakin pulled his To Do lists toward himself, and woke up the one with his personal long term list to add a note to talk to Rex about supporting the Guard the next time Torrent got leave on Coruscant.

The idea was to not only help the Guard so they could actually get a few eight hour sleep cycles in a row if they so chose, but also to ensure Torrent understood the Guard were not data processors, or flimsy pushers.

Not that Anakin had heard Torrent's opinion on the Guard, or if they even had an opinion. Still.

Anakin had heard more than a few troopers' thoughts of them, and it had not been good. Best nip that at the bud, really. Especially when such opinions came from ignorance and misinformation.

"The other three have gotten in contact with me," Fox stated abruptly. Anakin twitched in surprise, before blinking at the comm in his mech hand. Right. He was still on a comm. "They've agreed to provide assistance. Sending their comm codes now."

The comm vibrated in Anakin's hand, metal against metal, signifying an incoming text comm. A quick check shows the new comm code, all helpfully labeled.

"I have them," Anakin tapped the tiny screen with his thumb to save the codes.

"All four of them are currently available, General," Fox stated.

Ah. Time to get to work, it seemed.

"Understood, Fox. I'll leave you to your datawork," Anakin assured the Commander. "Hopefully, I'll see you before I get shipped out again, should everything conclude as expected."

"Yes, sir."

And Fox is done for the day. Commander Fox will keep going because he must, but Vod Fox needed either his allotted five hours of sleep or several cups of kaf before he could produce anything like social skills. Understandable. In his place Anakin would be a walking corpse all the time instead of only in the last six hours of his thirty-two hour shift.

"K'oyacyi, Fox." Anakin hit the button that'd end the call before the exhausted man could reply, hoping against logic the man would get some rest some time soon. Stay alive, Fox, stay alive.

Anakin breathed deep, held it, then let it out slowly as he set the comm on the table top.

Fox was a grown man, he'd live this long, he'd survive a few more days if he had anything at all to say about it; this Anakin knew.

Trusting this was, as always, more difficult than Anakin could say. He did it anyway. He must.

Anakin sighed, and picked up the comm again.

He tapped the screen a few times, calling up the comm codes Fox had sent him, then selected the one that looked the most familiar.

Hopefully, this would be Guide.

The comm rings once, then clicks to signify it had been answered.

"CT-5155."

Anakin smiled at the crisp acknowledgment. "Good morning, Guide. Eat anything interesting recently?"

Guide perked right up. "Ori'Ana!"

"Upani," Anakin returned warmly. "Fox said you had agreed to assist my men in our endeavors?"

"Torrent, right? Yes, I did," Guide affirmed. "Do you have plan for tomorrow, sir?"

"Less plan, more To Do List. If I give you the comm code of the other three volunteers, could you add them to this call?" Anakin smiled sheepishly. "My...device is a little limited."

"No problem!"

In short order, Guide linked in three other Vod'e.

Immediately, in the manner of siblings everywhere disturbed by another particularly daring sibling, they started complaining.

"What in the name of the Force is this supposed to be?" It wasn't until the unspoken threat crackled through the tiny speakers on his comm that Anakin realized exactly who he had on comm.

"A debriefing!" Anakin chirped.

The comm went silent. Then—

"Commender?"

"Sir?"

"Ori'Ana!"

The three Vod'e try to out speak the others, but it was Guide's near demented giggling that won out in the end. Anakin grinned.

"The one and only! It's good to know you three are still among the living," he greeted. "My understanding is that the four of you have volunteered to act as guides for my men as they run errands?"

"We did, sir, although I hadn't known the Favor Commander Fox mentioned was to you," Ka'ahk stated.

Faze, Guide, and who Anakin could only assume to be Slip, Guide's newest not-so-shiny partner after his last one had learned all he could from Guide about the lower levels of Coruscant, named such for his ability slip out of any sort of sticky situation Guide might fling himself, and thus his partner, into, murmured their agreement.

Heh. "Classic Fox move there," Anakin observed. "Now, as I told Guide earlier, I have a To Do list I both need and want completed before I ship out—"

The next few hours are spent going over what, exactly, the four Guardsmen would be helping his men with over the next few days. When they need to sign off to get their scheduled five hours of sleep—and, oh, did he both await and dread the moment Kix caught wind of that little detail— Anakin began messaging and comming his lower level connections to arrange for a drop of disguises that would make the men less obviously clones by midday.

That done, he messaged the four Guard Vod'e with the coordinates of the drop, and the instructions on how to get them. Then, he messaged his Command Staff with the details of what he had done.

Breathing in deep, Anakin forced himself to set his comm down. He checked his To Do lists, and grumbled at finding there really wasn't much more he could do at—he glanced at the clock and cringed—0347 in the morning.

A quick evaluation of himself revealed he was /way/ too wound up to even consider sleeping right then.

Okay, now what?

He plopped his chin on his palm, eyes wondering around the walls the light from his datapad barely touched. He could work on the mousedroid, or stretch some. Except he didn't really want to do either of those things.

So what else—ah. His eyes land on the neat pile of holocrons in the center of the table.

Rex had left him the list of questions he couldn't answer before, right?

He looked at the clock again.

Yeah, he had time.

With a flex of his fingers the holocron on top lifted up and came to hover before him. A twist in the force here, and a press there, and its seals cracked open, allowing greenish white light to escape. It swirled gently, then twisted up and around into a humanoid figure in armor.

Anakin sat back. "Hello, General."

"Greetings, General."

[morganne1313]

Can we also add into that education that people with a uterus AND people born with a penis (and everything that falls within or without that range but doesn’t have a clear description) should know what the range of symptoms are for healthy periods because as children they can be taught without it being stigmatized, they will be around people with uteruses in some part of their day most of the days of their lives and there is absolutely 0 ways of predicting whether or not they will “need” this information or not in the sense of being a caregiver but more importantly they can at least be educated enough to not be an asshole and maybe even BE CONCERNED AND CONSIDERATE when someone has symptoms OUTSIDE of the healthy range.

It will never not be in my head that I have something definitely wrong with my uterus- My moods can be a lot to deal with, my periods are almost as severe in pain as the peak of the labor contractions I had giving birth to my son, but unlike the birth contractions which went up and down on a wave to give me moments of non pain…. My cramps would last every month for 2-3 DAYS at aforementioned pain level but none of the uterus bearing individuals who are mostly cis women in my family thought it was weird because it was goddamned normal for a percentage of us so that made it a normal thing just who was lucky & who wasn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️- the percentage of suffering included both my grandmothers, my great aunt, my mother… which I found out quite clearly the first time I had to miss a major family event because I was in so much pain I could not function (my brother’s post confirmation [raised US Episcopal] celebration luncheon) & they piped up with sympathy & empathy….. and no one was diagnosed with anything… my paternal grandmother had medical professionals suggest endometriosis to her late in life basically at menopause so it was never pursued… & even though she had been a nurse & she loved me deeply (we were on a similar wavelength and very close), she never thought to bring up that piece of information to me or my mom when I first started suffering and I was in my thirties when I was talking about the issues I was having & she was prompted to bring it up and the reason why I think that was and is the biggest part of this whole damned thing that sticks in my head like a sharp angry burr is…

Remember several lines back where I said she was a nurse? She was a nurse in England in the “Call the Midwife” era. She had midwifery training as well. And during her training as a nurse in a dorm working as a student at a *hospital* she had to either power through that immobilizing pain WITHOUT SHOWINg IT or ascribe it to SOMETHING else EVERY GODDAMNED MONTH for years…. Because women expressing pain to do with women bits was not treated like a medical problem to be solved but as a symptom of mental illness and she would have been fucking fired from being a nurse if she had ever reported that her cramps were debilitating because they WOULD NOT HAVE FUCKING BELIEVED HER 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡♾️

I think that having to hide that impacted how she spoke about anything to do with her uterus for the rest of her life… and even though things had changed & there was more acknowledgment of uterus based issues & at least some healthy treatments were being researched for them… it says more about how close we were that she talked about it with me than it did about how things had changed…. 😡🤬

Fucking cis men need to keep their damned laws out of my uterus… and all the fuck of ya’ll can sit the fuck down and shut up at the end of this post… not even a whisper of “not all men” is not even fucking allowed this time… even the ones who have chronic disability symptoms erasure experience… because even with how bad that is… there is not a goddamned fucking disease that *primarily* cis men get that has EVER experienced the type of widespread suppression & intergenerational trauma & fucking consistent medical abuse & neglect that one experiences just from having a defective uterus…

Also don’t even talk to me about how “uncontrollable” male actions are… because I can go through month after month of this in my head… and even with the best treatment in me for what they think I might have because they don’t have a goddamned way to consistently, correctly, & conclusively diagnose me without surgery… it only mitigates my symptoms… they are not gone… even in my worst month at the height of my pain and fucking hormonal rage, I am still more in control than every goddamned man who has ever used the “but so angry I can’t help it” excuse to attack & abuse women or other sexual partners & whatever collateral damage if people & pets & such they took out as well including but not limited to their own kids…

/rant

And fucking no I am not on my goddamned period right now…

Pre-menstrual depression is always depicted as like "He He! I had a box of icecream bars and cried while watching the Titanic!" But in reality, it's more like, "I'm standing the edge of an abyss. There is nothing good inside of me, I'm filled with rage and desperation."

It's crazy that being told how to deal with that is never a part of anyone's menstrual sex education.

[the-shrinkingviolet]

It's been 4 years

4 years since I've logged in or shared anything. (And apparently my blog is 13 years old now! Time flies!) I see it's changed quite a bit, so I might stick around. I don't know. On one hand I feel cringey about coming back and using Tumblr for some reason, but on the other hand I miss seeing the creative side to this site and sharing good art and my interests.

What really brought me back here though was the fact that I felt the need to make a post about how I'm feeling. To go back to "venting" on here like I used to. Just for the moment though. Thankfully, since being on medication I don't feel as trapped or stuck inside myself like I used to. I'm able to handle my emotions and thoughts and feelings in a much healthier way than I used to and actually talk about things. Thanks Prozac!

I really just feel the need to vent right now though in an effort to express myself, not because I don't talk about it, but I guess to just articulate better in words how I'm feeling and how I have felt the past 5 months.

April was a very difficult time for myself and my family and everything has changed tenfold since then. My father had a massive stroke and wound up in the hospital for nearly a week. He almost died and we were fully prepared to make funeral arrangements. But he came back around, sort of. Since then he's made leaps and bounds in progress physically. He has no paralysis, only some nerve damage and numbness of his feet and hands that come and go. He can walk well and does not need a cane or any other assistance. He passed physical therapy in only a few weeks with flying colors. Unfortunately it's the cognitive side of things are not good. There is permanent damage and he will never be the same person ever again. What caused the stroke was a severe blockage in his left carotid artery. He was on medication (and lifestyle and diet changes) these last several months to try to break up the blockage some so that he could have surgery to take the rest out and put a stent in. But none of the treatments have worked. The blockage is still there -- 90%+. So the only other option is to do a bypass through his scalp. There are many risks involving the surgery and of course after, and it won't prevent another stroke from occurring 100%, but it will help lower those odds. Despite this, despite showing my parents the studies and research how bypasses still can greatly reduce the risk of stroke despite all the other factors involved, my father has refused. The doctor basically said that without surgery, the next stroke he has will likely be worse than before and if it doesn't kill him it will render him unable to do much of anything.

My dad has since been forced into retirement and can never return to work. He was forced to sell his farm because he can't do the heavy lifting anymore. He can't tinker or reprogram technology like he used to. One of the smartest and headstrong men I knew now struggles to comprehend what he reads, cannot write, stutters horribly when talking (but can still speak sentences and is still undergoing speech therapy), and cannot drive. I see him feeling depressed and angry and grieving over what he's lost. It makes me sad and angry too and it brings me to tears thinking about it every time. And I really, really wish there was more I could do.

I mean, is there? I'm trying. I've been trying to find him new hobbies. But I don't know where to begin. He has autistic tendencies, so he's very specific with his hobbies and hates trying new things. He loves animals but cannot own a farm. He has always loved technology but has a hard time comprehending it now and it frustrates him trying to use a computer or phone anymore. He hates going out and has developed paranoia now since his stroke. He doesn't talk to anyone hardly, never really had before but now it's worse. His eyesight is permanently damaged now so reading is hard for him although he still does and tries his best. He does take walks, but not far or for very long. Again, I think because of the paranoia with people seeing him in this state now. He's never been an artsy or crafty type and doesn't like those things.

My brother lives at the house now and doesn't do much to help out. He's taken them to appointments when mom can't or doesn't feel like driving. He's fixed up some stuff around the house since the stroke happened, but that's about it. He's otherwise a pathetic piece of furniture that just takes up space, plays video games half the day, doesn't contribute to shit, complains about everything he doesn't like, yet still does not have a job after being back here these last few years. (No comment on my parents handling that situation -- I'm an asshole and I would've kicked him out after a year but whatever) My mother is stressed being power of attorney now with handling all of my dad's finances and benefits, while also going to appointments with him and explaining things to him to help him comprehend what's going on. She's doing a decent job handling it all. I've offered to help with the finances just to take some stress off her shoulders, but she refused. She says she can handle it, so be it. I do step in and chauffeur now to their long distance appointments when my brother refuses, because again, he's a useless piece of shit. The communication between my mom and my dad has been terrible though. She's not patient enough with him and cuts him off guessing what he's trying to say and it just frustrates him more. Between that and my brother just being a useless leech, the house is tense. Some days moreso than usual, and yesterday was one of those days. I couldn't wait to leave. I hate to say that because I want to spend as much time with my dad as I can while he's still here -- because I always have a sinking feeling that he won't be here by next year.

It's been hard jugging this with my job in which I can't even keep FMLA benefits with because the company they use loves to fuck people over and deny the benefits where they can because paperwork comes up "missing". (I call bullshit and I'm ready to kick someone's rear end through the phone now that I've had my claim closed 3 different times by these morons. Oi) Without these benefits in place, I'm not excused at my job to even care for a parent because heaven forbid the company I work for even remotely gives two shits about their slaves to offer an unpaid single day off. On top of all this I am in the process of job hunting yet again.

I guess that's all I have for now. Did this make me feel better? Eh, maybe? I don't know. I think I just wish I could live another life right now.

[elviratheepic]

Idk if I'll stick with this, but I've been in hospital for over a week now and I can feel my brain turning to mush, so I'm thinking it might be good to post like a journal thingy here. I can just throw my thoughts to the void and if anyone feels like throwing any thoughts back at me, maybe I'll reminded what human interaction is lol

And who knows, maybe some bits and pieces of my experiences rn might be handy to someone who ends up seeing it. This is a weird time for me, maybe someone else around here's having, has had or will have some similar weird times and we'll have made a little connection even if we don't speak :)

I mentioned it briefly in a post on my art blog, but to flesh it out a bit, I've been generally run down and really quite unwell like all summer and now into autumn. Been back and forth to the doctor, told I have chest infections, possible asthma, etc. I get booked in for an xray and then something looks weird so a ct scan, still thinking it's pneumonia with some odd symptoms, then a couple days later I get a call from my doctor telling me i am going to the hospital asap, there's a bunch of fluid in my chest that should not be there and also they need to check for lymphoma. I've never been to hospital for more than an orthodontist appointment and while not as surprised as I could be expected to be by the thought of cancer due to having had a weird anxiety fixation thing on the idea for a while (fun coincidence), it was still a bit of an ordeal lol. This was 10 days ago and I have not been home since. I've been coping pretty well considering the wild lack of control I feel over literally anything rn. The steroids they've got me on rn while I wait for further treatment have me feeling better than I have in a long while, and mentally the worst I've been dealing with is some fairly mild dissociation. Just kind of taking things as they come for now, rolling with things as best I can especially while so many things are kind of a bit up in the air and subject to change.

But I mean drama aside, the current diagnosis for me is pretty good. The cancer as it appears right now is treatable and has a pretty great cure rate. It's a "primary mediastinal large B-cell lymphoma" according to the leaflet I've got. It's high grade, so fast acting and aggressive but that actually makes these easier to get rid of than low grade slower working ones. It's hanging out next to my heart so that's the reason I've had all these bullshit symptoms in my chest cuz it's just been fuckin shit up in there and irritating its roommates. They've got me booked in for a pet scan day after tomorrow cuz the scanner was having issues so they couldn't get me in sooner, then the plan is to start chemotherapy the next day. Which will be an experience. The treatment plan we've basically already decided is 6 21-day cycles of chemo where I'll be in hospital for about 5 days getting monitored and adjusted treatment, then going home for the rest and coming back to start the cycle again. It's not going to be the most fun and easy experience of my life but tbh I've done hard things before and I know I'm capable of doing this. Not that this kind of thing can ever really come at a "good" time, but I think that personally I'm pretty lucky this came along at the point in my life it did. I've been able to spend the last couple years basically building myself back up from feeling entirely lost, shattered and directionless after a pretty traumatic attempt at university durring covid lockdowns. I'm maybe lacking in some life experience people my age tend to have, but ultimately I have confidence, strength and self-awareness now that I do not take for granted. Basically I got the chance to reinforce my foundations in unkowing preparation for this whole thing. Honestly, I'm kind of just curious who I'll be on the other side of this experience - wherever that may be.

My main concern has been my siblings. I'm the oldest of 3 and we're all very close, spend a lot of time together and are at the core of eachothers' support systems. One of them's got college stress and deadlines, the other's out of school with anxiety issues rn, and my instinct is to be there as a support. And of course they would be supporting me too, it's not all give, they're amazing at being there for me too especially while I've been unwell (I love them so so much and I'm proud of everything they do can you tell lol). But while they have been visiting when they can, we don't get so much time together rn with me being in hospital and I feel like it's hard to get a gauge on how things really are with eachother at the moment which is rough with there being so much change going on rn. I know we'll figure things out, but I can't help worrying about them a bit, I feel like it's kind of my job lol

Oof can you tell it's getting late and my brain's going sleepy ramble mode? Idk if I'm even making much sense but hey

The ward I've been moved to for this is good. It's a cancer ward for teens and young adults with a common room area funded by the teenage cancer trust. There's guitars, a ps4, craft supplies and free snacks. It feels so weird that like that space is for me to use, like I'm kinda tresspassing on something for people who need it more than I do. But the ward's fairly quiet and not so busy at the moment, so when my siblings and briefly my friend came to visit me today, we basically had free reign of the space without having to disturb anyone. I feel more comfortable in there than I did, and I think it's a good space for my siblings to be when they come visit. I'm really greatful they get to use it with me - even if I feel kind of like others deserve the space more (ik im being silly), seeing them get good use and some fun out of it today was good and reassuring. It's reassuring to hear people talking about there being support systems for siblings too should they need them. Especially when it feels like I can't look out for them so much in the ways I normally would.

But yeah, I think that's about all that's in my brain for right now. I'll look back on this tomorrow and realise none of this actually made any sense lol

But yeah basically got thrown a bit of a curveball lately as life tends to do, but there's answers now where there wasn't before, and the path ahead's starting to make itself visible. It sucks, but I've been worse. I'm not just saying that for the sake of offsetting the fact that it sucks, I'm just taking the the little wins where i can cuz I know that's gotten me through plenty rough and sucky times before.

Some little wins:

Woke up to magpies outside the window this morning. One came right up to the glass to say hi, but I couldn't snap a picture in time lol <3

My friend brought me a rainbow sensory slug companion, and I made a pipecleaner creature named Spigley while my siblings were here. They are friends and will be my chemo companions :)

(Idk if that's a mouth or a moustache but i think it suits him either way)

[cabeswaterdrowned]

just saw the Camila and Daisy conversation with the line change from the book “you two think your lost souls…” quote and pausing the episode for a second because I’m kind of of two minds about this choice, and I’m similarly of two minds about a lot of choices that have been made with the portrayal of Camila throughout the adaptation I think. Because on the one hand it kind of makes sense, the whole point of Camila in the book is that she’s the one character being portrayed as unilaterally good in every person’s account of what happened because of her recent passing and who the interview is, I love Camila in the book but portraying her as exactly as perfectly poised and reasonable as the book did would not have been a good move in the tv show (and she’s still like, unequivocally the person with the most moral high ground here in the show, she just has more range in the way she reacts and is allowed to make mistakes which are still minuscule ones compared to what Daisy Billy and other characters do regularly). Daisy reframing that interaction to Julia and even to herself could make sense, and in a sense it makes sense Camila would experience and express more bitterness or jealousy (and I mean it’s still not That much compared to other takes I’ve seen on this storyline) than she did in the book. On the other hand the choice to lean into that portrayal is uncomfortable to me because the show runners so clearly Love D/B (and I do too in case you are new here) and care most about exploring it, so some choices made with Camila’s character are like: how much of this is because she can’t be the exact character she was in the book for the reasons I stated before, how much of it is in the genuine interest of exploring her character more than the book allowed for, how much of it is to prop D/B because while any sane person watching the show knows Camila is the most in the right (and I say this when I love other chars more) the tiniest increase in flaws leads to the most violently misogynistic takes in a heartbeat (for instance the person who I saw on Twitter say they had no sympathy for Camila because she had sex with Eddie while Billy isn’t a saint but as least he didn’t have sex with Daisy 💀🔪🔪) and then there is this phenomena with these types of infidelity-related triangles where viewers tend to salivate over the tears/pain of the female character who’s not their favorite/in their preferred ship and I find it really nasty when fans and writers lean into that, regardless of the fact that in this case my ship is the one the writers obviously favor. And that all makes the portrayal concerning. But then on the other hand would it be better if Camila didn’t express any pain or hurt or bitter/jealous emotions, that could make her come across as shell like and make her into a passive brown woman character who is there to do emotional labor for the more flawed and volatile white characters (the racial elements to how the book and show treat Camila also definitely exist, but I need more time to gather my thoughts if I ever want to post about that in depth). Both ideas of the portrayal have issues. I need to keep watching because I don’t know if the show is going to stick to Camila being the one to ‘think Daisy is worth saving’ and I’ll have thoughts and that depending on whether or not that’s incorporated and how it is handled. Idk I’ve seen Camila stans on Twitter call everything about her character in the show assassination and I don’t think that’s the word for it at all and at the same time I think they have valid reasons to complain about her treatment, (even if I don’t always agree with what they think the specifics of that are). This was just a Camila-centric tangent and now I need to watch the rest of the episode (which might also change my POV on what I just said more).

[rokkit-story-time]

A chat over coffee

Took a while, but here’s part 3~ (They have names now!)

Part 1: https://at.tumblr.com/rokkit-story-time/in-your-lap/83i6n0wurpej Part 2: https://at.tumblr.com/rokkit-story-time/the-next-morning/9hhxgav6uo18

“How do you like your coffee?” you called from the kitchen. It was all kind of surreal, honestly... but if you were dreaming, you were fine not waking up for a while longer.

“Black’s fine!” she called back. You sighed and leaned far enough to see into the living room. She was looking around, getting used to her surroundings. You’d never been so glad for keeping up on your chores before.

“I didn’t ask what was ‘fine’, I asked how you *like* your coffee~” She looks in your direction and blinks, blushing slightly. Every time that happened, you got this little burst of giddiness. Goddammit... she was your *enemy* less than 24 hours ago! Stupid brain chemicals...

“I, uh...” she glances away with an embarrassed shrug. “...I mean, a dash of cream and a good squeeze of chocolate syrup... if that’s no trouble?”

You give a playful roll of your eyes as you slip back into the kitchen. “Of course it’s not! I wouldn’t have asked otherwise!” You just barely hear her chuckle as you set about your tasks. It takes you a minute or two to realize there’s a dopey smile on your face. Fucking... *stop that*, brain! You knew this woman barely better than most of the fans buying her action fig-

...shit!

You peek out of the kitchen again to see her holding it and smiling. She looks over and gives it a little shake in your direction.

“I-i-it was on sale!” Not really a lie, though not a good reason either. Even with the deal you got, that thing had been kinda pricey. Thankfully it was the only piece of her merch you owned, but it was-

“Limited edition, fancy~” The temperature of your face turned up a few degrees more, and her smile turned into a smirk. “Don’t get me wrong, I was really proud of these! Giving me the anime treatment turned out fantastic.” She set the bishoujo statue back down where she’d found it. “Just kinda surprised you have one~”

Before your brain could find words for a good rebuttal, your mouth defaulted to sticking your tongue out. She laughed, and you quickly ducked back into the kitchen before she could see your face get even redder. That had *no right* sounding as pleasant as it did! The way it sent tingles through your neck to hear, you half wondered if she had some kind of enchantment ability... that didn’t fit the rest of her powerset though. Still, she did have a lot of tricks for a strongwoman. Maybe...

You shoved the silly speculation aside as you balanced the two mugs of coffee in one hand and strolled out into the living room, tossing one of your other burdens to her with a “catch!”

She snatched the thing out of the air, blinking at the crinkling of plastic and holding it up in front of her with a frown before looking at you with a raised eyebrow. “...really? Freezer breakfast sandwich?”

You shrug carefully as you hold her coffee out for her. “Quick, easy, and holds me over for the morning. Just make up for the crappy nutrition at lunch like I do.”

She took the coffee with a thoughtful look, then grinned at you. “Planning to let me stick around that long~?”

You sputtered slightly on your sip of coffee. “Not what I meant!” Her amused look caused your mouth to outrun your brain again with a mumbled, “But you can stay for lunch too, if you want...” She blushed and suddenly became very intent on taking a drink of coffee. *Wow* this was fun... why was this so much fun!? You’d *hated* flirting before... hadn’t you?

She looked around, clearly avoiding meeting your eyes, then settled carefully onto one end of the couch. “W-well... I, uh, guess we’ll see if that happens...?”

You gave her a smirk, ignoring your own blush. "I guess so, Miss Indom-"

"Manami." That one quiet word made you choke on what you were saying. She looked you in the eyes... there was so much in there that you couldn't even sort through it all, not with how frazzled your brain had become. "My... my name's-"

"I got that, yeah." You cleared your throat to fix the sudden hoarseness. She... she *really* gave you her *actual* name. Well, okay, it could be a lie, but... you seriously doubted it.

She looked like she was considering what to say for several seconds. You probably looked the same... but you spoke up faster as she opened her mouth.

"Diane." She blinked, then took another sip of coffee. It didn't hide her smile any better than it hid her blush. You, on the other hand, could feel yourself frowning. "I... we... is this really okay? We're not... we're kinda on different sides..."

This time the smile was directed at you specifically, an expression that made you swoon a little inside with how sweet it felt. "Are we though? I don't think so..." She set down the coffee and started tugging open the sandwich wrapper. "We both want to make the world a better place. We both want to help people. We just... have different ideas of what that means, I think?"

You scoffed before you could stop yourself, and her expression turned sad. "I-I mean, I don't think our ideas are really different!" You stammered in an effort to explain yourself. Those puppy eyes managed to hurt you more than her punches ever had! "We just... it's that..." You ran your fingers through your short, messy black hair and sighed. "...you think the system's fixable, yeah?" She gave you a small nod. "Right... and I just don't. The D.V.A. can reform all they want, it won't change how humans feel about supers, it won't change how the government and big corporate billionaires take advantage of *everyone*, powers or no, and..." Your voice lowered to a mumble as your eyes slid off her and down to where your feet rested on the couch. "...and it won't change how people feel about *anyone* different, not just supers and powereds..."

Your eyes came back up and met hers again. She still looked sad, but this time it was *for* you, not at. That felt different. Touching. Your heart fluttered again. Gods she was good at doing that to you.

"So... openly gay for how long, then?" She said it gently, the addition of 'if you're okay talking about it' coming through in her tone loud and clear.

"Late high school. Got told a lot that I 'just hadn't found the right guy'... finally I just realized that there *wasn't* a 'right guy'." You looked away, ostensibly to open your own sandwich, but really because you were too afraid of seeing her reaction to the next parts. "...of course, in college I realized there wasn’t quite a 'right girl' either, it turns out..."

"...oh?" You could almost hear the gears turning in her brain as she put that together. Just as you thought you'd need to give her a clearer explanation, she let out another "...OH." You nodded, still not looking at her. "So you're also... asexual?" You gave another small nod, and heard her shift. "...I... um..." You glanced up at her. Her face was... curious, and slightly confused. "...how... how does that... work...?" She sounded downright scared to ask the question, and slightly ashamed.

You couldn't help but smile at her. If confusion was her only feeling over that, it was miles better than your anxiety had offered, so that was a relief. "Well... it’s not that I don’t find women attractive. I still appreciate a cute girl or pretty lady... or both, in some cases~" You paused to shoot her a wink, leaving no doubt on the specific case you were referring to here. Her blush was adorable. "But it’s a different kind of attraction. Like how a kitten is cute, or a painting is pretty. Does that make sense?" She gave a small nod as she took a bite of the freezer sandwich, face still red. "It doesn't mean there aren't plenty of things I want to do with a woman~ It just means sex isn't one of them."

She mumbled something around her sandwich, something you probably weren't meant to catch... the surprised look on her face when you suddenly went red was pretty funny, actually. That thought skittered across your mind like a drop of water on a hot griddle, as the rest of it was filled with sudden thoughts of *exactly* what you'd like to do with her, thanks to your sharp ears picking the words "show me sometime" out of that mumble.

She turned even redder as well, then swallowed her bite and stammered out, "s-so, p-partial shifting... th-thats pretty rare!" A strangled laugh escaped your throat. Then she started giggling, which made you start giggling, which resulted in both of you looking like absolute fools as you blushed and giggled on opposite ends of the couch.

"Y-yeah..." You ran a hand through your hair again. It always helped you recenter. "I, uh... can change things on a pretty small level, too... entirely internally, in some cases!" Both of you blushed again, though thankfully not enough to actually break down this time.

"Like your inner ears, to keep up enhanced hearing without showing it?" You gave her a small, sheepish nod, and she giggled again. "I'll have to keep that in mind then..." Her voice dropped to a whisper... a rather sultry one. "For a few reasons~" You shivered, and her eyes lit up for a moment. The look in them almost made you shiver again. "Well! Quite a trick... and quite a secret to learn, really." She fidgeted with her sandwich for a moment, then took a deep breath before continuing. "...you've already seen my power's active, not passive. I-"

"You don't have to." You cut her off firmly and deliberately, and she frowned back at you.

"But-"

"I trust you." The words made it out of your mouth before your brain could process them, but you didn't try to take them back. Ignoring the heat returning to your cheeks, you pressed on. "You knew where I lived already. Knowing my name and some power details won't change what you decide to do about me." She opened her mouth, but you kept right on going. "On the other hand, if anyone ever learns we've been talking, *I* might end up tortured for information some day and I do *not* want that to result in..." You trailed off, then sighed. "...I don't want it hurting you. Your name is bad enough. Who knows what might happen if I knew more to give away..."

She looked at you for a long moment after that, totally stonefaced. You resisted the urge to squirm, trying desperately to figure out what she was thinking. Finally, she turned away from you, picked up her coffee, took a big gulp, scooted a bit to the side, and then carefully lowered herself down...

...right into your lap, her head coming to rest against your abs.

"You should start thinking about what you're *actually* going to feed me, since I'll be staying for lunch~" she said, remarkably calmly considering how much she was blushing again. It couldn't have been half as red as your own face was, though... and you doubted her smile was anywhere near as big and dopey, either. Damn stupid brain...

[kristsingto]

Some more thoughts that occurred to me.

I was thinking a lot about the car accident. It directly follows a scene in which someone attacks Pathapi on a motorcycle, indicating that this was an orchestrated, intentional act to harm Pathapi.

Of course, I know that this parallels reality, with Krist’s car crash, and initially that’s all I thought about it. But then I kept thinking and thought, well, isn’t a car crash pretty odd considering the rest of the show? Sure, a big car crash would make sense, but look at that scene preceding it. No, there’s probably a good chance that someone wants Pathapi harmed.

Tamtawan also comes to him after the crash. It might just be worry, but to me, it signals an idea: maybe Tamtawan and Pathapi were investigating something. Like. Pathapi is a reporter! And while at first he reports on celebrity gossip then ends up the target of internet hate? You know what could get him that award at the end for best reporter? Maybe: finding something out. (Okay, maybe this isn’t the main point? But? Like?)

So, what would they be trying to find out? Well, we have a mystery right in the show!

Who posted this online?

Okay, so I think there’s a very easy, very obvious answer, and I am split on if it will be true or not. Aou’s character. He would know this event happened, most likely have access to the cameras, and would have ample reason to want to leak this!

Then there’s the question of if it is Aou’s character, what does that mean for the story?

Well. A lot of things. I think everyone can think of most of it. Personally, I’d prefer for Aou’s character to not be the “villain” of the show, both because it could possibly undermine the initial character flaws Pathapi has, and because I think it’s just an incredibly easy out. I don’t quite like the idea of the story just having an easy antagonist. If anything, I could see Aou’s character as a decoy antagonist. Either in a sympathetic “Pathapi was a dick and Aou’s character leaked it because he was sick of the treatment” way (assuming the car accident stuff is either not tied to this OR actually just an accident) or in it actually NOT being him, and it being tied to a bigger conspiracy, that Pathapi and Tamtawan would then be working on uncovering.

If it isn’t Aou’s character, it could also be just a random staff member or something inconsequential to the story that I’m blowing up greatly. But I think it would be really interesting if Pathapi wanted to know who it was that posted the footage online is.

I am mainly focusing on just the trailer’s contents by the way, not the meta of KristSingto being in real life PathapiTamtawan. I have very different ideas for what the show will try to do with the plot and especially the car accident if we’re going to be focusing the plot even MORE on the real-life parallels. (Remember how awful certain haters were about Krist when he had his car accident? Well, I don’t want to. But it could come up in this show, if it wants to comment on that. Which, don’t quote me on that happening, I’m just speculating!) Anyway, in this case, I see much less grounds for my plot speculation here.

Well, who knows. No source material. Original story. I’m just throwing ideas at the wall and seeing if any of them stick. But I think I have a point regarding how sick it would be if we got our reporter Pathapi and his (ex) boyfriend Tamtawan investigating something! Even if it isn’t related to the footage being uploaded online (good chance it isn’t) imagine if Pathapi was trying to be stopped by someone from reporting on something! Then again I might just be reading into it in my many, many watched of the trailer. Please let me know if you agree or disagree, because I honestly have no idea if I’m on mark or off base here. Because maybe nothing is going on. But I’m having fun theorizing!

Thinking about the Mock-Trailer for The Ex-Morning

Pathapi is said to be the Best Reporter of the Year in the beginning. How. I want to know his career accomplishments so badly? I need to know how he got here!

I’ve been considering why Pathapi acts the way he does in the beginning. Has he always been like, since his university days? Or was it perhaps heartbreak and the passage of time that’s made him more like this? 

Aou is being made to play the exasperated best friend in Be My Favorite and the rival with coffee thrown on him in The Ex-Morning. Someone give both characters a raise. And a boyfriend!

I looooove the trope of the arrogant, whiny jerkass in a successful position who gets humbled. And that paired with him rebuilding his reputation with his ex-boyfriend of all people? I am so ready to see Pathapi’s character arc, and the things Tamtawan makes him do in this trailer makes me think he’ll get more in-tune with the spirit of good reporting and why it’s so important.

How does Tamtawan know and decide to come back? Obviously, he wants to help Pathapi and is still in love with him, but why did he leave? WHY DID HE LEAVE? Later in the trailer, when present-day Tamtawan leaves, it’s after he’s told “Tam. You have two options now.” What are the two options? The way Tamtawan leaves and the look on his face makes him look regretful, but what exactly is motivating him trying to leave here? Why did he leave in the first place? Does Pathapi know? His face looks half confused rather than just heartbroken!

What has Tamtawan been up to? I am intrigued.

The SOTUS reference in their university days flashback? I am obsessed. They were so sweet in that one frame, it makes me wonder how they fell in love. How different were they? How much of the same remains in them? How did they fall in love? Oh my god!

The transition from Pathapi being awkward with shirtless only-clothed-in-a-towel Tamtawan to taking his own shirt off and asking if Tamtawan has an ulterior motive to fluster him is hilarious to me. I love how forward Pathapi is here! And Tamtawan getting flustered is amazing. Oh my god, I love this trailer. It balances a comedic tone, angst, tension, etc all in one show. Can’t help but adore it.

“You’re still the same selfish jerk.” I need to know what happened! I said this above and I’m saying it again. I am intrigued.

Uni Tamtawan pulling Pathapi by his tie? I am obsessed.

The umbrella scene is both so very P’Lit and so very much a SOTUS reference, it delights me. I wonder how many SOTUS references we’ll have in the show proper.

I wonder if the car accident will coincide with the climax of the show.

That! Last! Scene! I suppose this is a scene when they’re hooking up but not properly together, seeing as they’re flirting, shirtless, and probably just had sex, but still won’t admit they still like each other. This sounds great to me.

I’ve mostly not talked about the meta elements here, because I feel it’s less about the contents of the actual trailer and more about the nature of the series as such a KristSingto RPF-type plot. Anyway, I love it. Everything about the meta of this series is perfect to me, and exactly what I wanted. This show is SO fun to think about when you know about the lore of KristSingto in real life. I’m half expecting Tamtawan to have hazed Pathapi at this point!

Side note that is not a side note: I LOVE THEIR ACTING! I love their characters!

Is this vers? I’m going to say it’s vers or Top Krist until proven wrong, because that last scene? Well. Let’s put the KristSingto into the KristSingto.

I love the small cast and the focus on KristSingto! I just need to say this. I am so excited for this comeback, in-part because it really is just Tamtawan and Pathapi’s story.

Tamtawan is supposed to mean “follow” and “sun” whereas Pathapi means earth/soil/ground. Coming off of KongArt, where Arthit is obviously “sun,” and KristSingto, who compare themselves to the sun and moon, this seems so definitely meaningful. Aof and Lit, I need to know what you’re cooking! 

The coals scene is sooooo perfect, both for the characters AND KristSingto themselves. Again bringing it back to the meta of it all, but, oh my god? This is perfect? Aof wrote a screenplay that was KristSingto RPF? On that note, I keep thinking about the idea of KristSingto channeling their feelings from the irl work-partner “break up” and it makes me go a little crazy. Especially with Krist talking about all his efforts to bring Singto back, and how he over-thought it when Singto left. And even more so seeing as they say they’re basically playing themselves.

The lyrics of the song used in the trailer are so fitting, I am now looping it and thinking about Pathapi and Tamtawan forever and ever.

I noticed that Tamtawan goes by “Tam” but did I miss it for Pathapi in the trailer, or do we get no indication of his nickname? I’m curious.

The “Begin Again” for the new Peraya Party speaks to both KristSingto and their new characters, and this is again making me go, oh god it’s true they’re just playing themselves.

I said my ideal KristSingto BL was a vers exes-to-lovers that parallels reality. Evidently, I was not alone.

Is it just me, or do the Pathapi + animals and Pathapi + soil degradation water scenes feel a lot like certain episodes of Friendship with KristSingto? Just me? Maybe it’s just Krist. I love him so dearly.

So much is revealed in this trailer, but that somehow makes me more intrigued about what is not being revealed to us?

Krist still goes for the top lip and Singto still goes for the bottom lip when they kiss. This kills me every time. I am so excited to see lovey-dovey Tamtawan and Pathapi!

[sunaluv]

WAGs

WAG: A wife or girlfriend of a sports star

Featuring: k.sakusa, r.suna

[ushijima,atsumu] vers.

Note: happy new year! I love how I posted like 5 things then dipped but I wanted to write some more on here 😭 enjoy!

Sakusa:

You had met sakusa whilst he was making a name for himself. He wasn’t as big as he was now, but his name would be floating around the internet somewhere.

That’s actually how you first saw him. One of your friends had shared a photo of his in a groupchat, and the whole chat was going crazy over this insanely hot insanely talented upcoming volleyball star.

Of course you found him attractive, but you were absolutely certain he would be yours. There was no mindless attraction. You geniuinely believed your friend had just send your future husband directly to you.

She kinda did tho

Flash forward a couple months, you were doing some early morning shopping as one does. The store was quieter, everything’s was in stock. It was perfect. It was SO PERFECT.

because just as you were picking out snacks for your apartment, you saw a masked man dressed in a black hoodie that may have been a bit to small for him, seeing as you could make out the definitions of his muscles through the fabric.

You knew that man from anywhere, after all you had only been dreaming of him for the past few months.

Not wasting this opportunity, you bravely approached him, making small talk about the stuff you were buying.

‘This was no one and done situation though, ‘you thought.

The next store runs, you slowly grew closer, sometimes going to the shop only to talk to him.

He eventually gained the courage to ask you on a date and from there your relationship progressed until you took his last name.

By now, sakusa was bringing in BANK, not that that was the reason you were with him but still.

He vowed to spoil you like you deserved whilst you were in the talking phase, and boy did he keep his promise.

Eventually, you quit your job after your husbands persistent pleads that he makes enough money to support the both of you. All you had to do was support him in his games.

And with your new free time, you were seen at the majority of them, looking pretty on the Jumbotron with your hair done, dressed to the t with the finest jewelry, the most noticable one being the gold necklace with his jersey number on it that sat in between your collarbones.

Naturally, you gained your own cult following on social media, and you were often photographed at games and events due to your great fashion sense.

Speaking of

You met the rest of kiyoomi’s team at an MSBY exclusive event, aswell as the other wives and girlfriends of the players.

Sakusa loves you dearly and will spoil you at every given chance.

SUNA

You and suna were highschool sweethearts

You had supported him ever since the inarizaki days and continue to to so as he plays for EJP.

People have known about you for YEARS. It was almost like you grew as he did.

But it was mainly because he still has the cheesy romantic highlights of you from inarizaki, so as he gained more followers, more people viewed the highlights.

Even if they didn’t, his actual feed is full of pictures of you.

When it comes to spoiling you, he sees gift giving as more as a thank you or appreciation for sticking with him all these years, because you played a big part in shaping his career too, looking after him when he didn’t.

That being said he really does appreciate you, shown by the various Swarovski crystals adorning your neck and wrists, the sleek sports cars he bought for you claiming ‘they’re our children’, or the random, but costly furniture you obsess over dotted around your shared penthouse.

The man introduced you into a world of luxury and endless princess treatment, and vowed to never take you out of it.

[theartofdyingx]

001/Henry being obsessed with Russian experiment!reader to the point here reader doesn’t like it

Here it is, I hope this will do, it was fun to write actually. I'll put this on ao3 too ‹3

You came as a leverage to unsure the peace between the Russians and the Americans. The treatment there was far harsher than here. You were honestly surprised when you’ve taken a notice of it. Before you came there told you stories about how worse your life will be from now on, they said they were hoping they prepared for you of any outcome. And they did. They used a method germans used in the II.world war. In your teeth there was a hidden cyanide capsule hidden. Just in case you could spill any secrets. Not that they included you in anything. You were just training most of the time, or getting punished for doing something wrong, with the most cruelest methods one could ever imagine. In here the kids didn’t fight with each other ’til death. With the Soviets you were trained to kill your weaker counterparts, trained to not get attached to anyone, incase you’d eventually had to kill them, in order to become their best weapon. 

This was nothing like that. Some kids even sticked together and formed groups. You could still get punished in here, but it was like a kiss on the cheek compared to the Soviet punishments. You felt bored here, like you already knew everything. These kids here were slow-learners. Not as natural at it as you were. To the younger ones you tried to help, and they gladly accepted you. You couldn’t find anyone around your age here. 

But you noticed something was off with one of the orderlies. He was tall, with broad shoulders, sparkling blue eyes, dirty blond hair, sharp cheekbones. He payed a lot of attention to you, trying to help you out even when you knew exactly what you were doing. He always asked about you, tried to have a few moments, just the two of them. You knew exactly well, how people like to manipulate others with their charm. So you are more and more frustrated with him everyday. His name was Peter. Peter Ballard. Had a nice ring to it actually. But you weren’t like the little, American kids here. You couldn’t be softened with sweet, encouraging words, with flattery. You knew he was different from the rest of the Orderly the moment he started to get closer to you. So you played exactly into his game, to figure out what was different about him. He gave you soft, gentle touches on the hallways, or where no-one would notice. You two started meeting up in storages, discussing your deepest desires, thoughts. 

One of these times you were leaning against his chest, counting the minutes ’til this meeting was over.

-Can I show you something - he asked, his tone gentle, full of trust - you can’t tell anyone though.

-Anything.

He pulled his shirt’s sleeve up. There was three digits there. 001.

-No - you started to pull away- how is this even possible?

-Hush please- he answered calmly.- Papa deemed me too dangerous to keep my powers. But I’m one of the originals, born with their powers. Like you are.

-Why are they keeping this a secret?

-Do you think anyone would like to be in my presence if they knew? - silence fell upon them for a minute.

-Well, they don’t treat me like shit, despite being like you. Plus I’m from the Soviet side, a plus reason to hate me, but they don’t.

-But they don’t exactly accept you either, do they?- he asked.- Maybe the younger ones, ‘cause they don’t know what this means, but the other? I have been protecting you from them this entire time.

-I don’t need your protection - you huffed, getting up.- You know what I had to do back there to survive. I do not need anyone’s help.

-Well you can’t be on your own all the time either, believe me I tried.But I want this to change, it started to change with you here - he pulled your hand in his, but you were quick to get it out of his grasp.

-That’s on you buddy, but I’m leaving now - you lost all self-control you had left.- I’m tired of your fake gentleness, manipulations and… and everything we do!

He seemed shocked.

-What are you talking about?

-I’m not dumb Peter, or One or whatever your name is now - you whisper-yelled.- I know when pretty boys like you act like this with women. You want something from me, and you surely won’t get it - you stormed out of the storage, feeling content with yourself, freer now that you could let your suspicions out.

You weren’t raised to be the kind of women to be messed with. And you won’t allow him to seduce your secrets out of you. Your heart was beating fast , like it did when you were around him. It was probably a small crush, but they preached you to not pay attention to such things. Love, gentleness would only slow you down in your path. And that’s what he did to you, slowed you down, you weren’t any closer to any of your goals now. Expect for one thing. You learned that he was the imprint here. The one they tried to replicate so badly. But he needed to be controlled. Will this become your faith too? Will Dr. Brenner try to control you too? You’ll surely not let him do that, you needed an escape plan real quick.

After some days Peter asked you to play chess with him, you felt frustrated, but you couldn’t refuse, otherwise it would’ve raised suspicions 

-Was this enough time to help you calm down?- he asked while taking a step on the board.

-Calm me down? Oh I don’t think months worth of anger can quiet down in five days, Peter.

-What is it with you? Everything seemed like it was alright between us.

-You don’t understand, you aren’t cap-

-Help me understand - he cut you off.-Please , you are the only truly important person in my life. This isn’t a scheme, ploy or whatever you’d like to call it. I just found you, and we were so much alike. I felt a connection, like a string was pulling me towards you. I swear, my feeling are real. - he lightly touched her hand under the table, softly caressed it.- I know what they taught you. But I’m not them. It’s different in here. Do you think I ever would’ve imagined myself being in love with someone else? - he gave a bitter laugh.- I never even knew I was capable of such feelings. But I am. I found you, and I am 

You couldn’t find words for a moment. Then you cleared your throat.

-I think we should take this somewhere more private , wouldn’t you agree? - and you gave an honest smile to him.