#but for now I’m getting my week of sadness out of the way
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sturnsblogs · 14 hours ago
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BLOOMING HOPE
Fratboy!Chris X Toxic!Fwb!Reader
It had been a week since you said it.
The words still hung in the air sometimes, like smoke you couldn’t wave away. “Quit acting like you aren’t going to be a deadbeat dad.” You hadn’t meant it. Not really. But the damage had already sunk its teeth in.
Chris had gone home that next day. Packed his backpack in silence, avoiding your eyes, ignoring the soft please don’t go you’d whispered when he passed your bedroom door. He left without slamming the door, without a dramatic exit. He just… walked out.
You didn’t sleep that night.
The next day, you begged. Voice soft and shaky over the phone, admitting you couldn’t sleep without him, that the bed felt too cold, that you were scared and didn’t want to do this alone.
He came back.
But not all of him.
Chris had always been physical. Touchy. Loud. Smirking when he’d lean over you while brushing his teeth or talking through movies just to annoy you. But now? Now he was… muted.
He wore headphones constantly. Not even blasting music — just enough to let you know that he wasn’t interested in conversation. You’d find him cleaning the kitchen, earbuds in, jaw tight, eyes unreadable. When you asked him what he was listening to, he’d just say, “Podcasts,” without looking up.
Sometimes he’d take them out when you’d talk to him. Sometimes he wouldn’t.
And when he kissed you? It was different. Not mean. Not cold. Just… obligatory. A peck on the cheek after you begged. A short kiss on the lips before bed. No teasing smile after, no hand holding your jaw the way he used to.
It was like he was doing it just because you needed it. Like he was playing a part.
And the part was starting to hurt.
“Chris,” you said quietly one night, curled on the couch as he wiped down the counter in the kitchen, earbuds in. “Will you come lay with me?”
He didn’t respond at first.
Then he pulled out one earbud. “What?”
“I said—will you lay with me? I haven’t felt good all day. Please.”
He looked at you for a second. Just long enough to sigh and say, “Yeah. Give me a sec.”
And he did lay with you. Stretched out beside you like he used to, except… again, different. His hand didn’t wander over your back the way it always did. He didn’t pull you into his chest. He laid flat. Like a friend comforting someone.
You tried anyway, moving closer, curling against him. “Missed you today,” you whispered.
He didn’t say anything back. Just rested a hand lightly on your arm.
You waited, hoping he’d say something. Anything. Missed you too. You look tired. I’ve got you. But the silence stretched on until it felt like another wall between you.
After a while, you whispered, “Do you even want to be here anymore?”
He tensed slightly.
“You don’t act like you do,” you added, voice small. “You barely talk to me.”
Chris sat up a little, adjusting his hoodie. “I didn’t sign up for a relationship. We’re not together. You know that.”
It wasn’t sharp. It wasn’t cruel.
But it cut.
“Oh,” you said, blinking fast. “Right. I forgot I’m just the mother of your kid.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
He rubbed a hand over his face and leaned back, resting his head against the couch cushion. “I’m just trying to get used to all this, okay? I’m here. I’m helping. I didn’t leave. Doesn’t that count for something?”
You swallowed the lump forming in your throat.
“I know it’s my fault,” you whispered. “For what I said.”
He glanced at you, finally, but the look in his eyes was unreadable. “I’m not holding it over your head.”
But he was. Silently. Every day since.
You didn’t say anything after that. Just laid there beside him, heart aching for the version of Chris you used to know. The one who would’ve kissed you a hundred times just because you looked sad. The one who would’ve held your hand under the blanket. The one who would’ve said “we” when talking about the baby.
Now?
Now it was just him. You. And the space between you that somehow kept growing, no matter how tightly you held on.
The next morning, the silence was still there. Heavy. Lingering.
Chris was up early—earlier than usual. You heard the drawers in the bathroom opening, the water running. The sound of his cologne being sprayed. It didn’t click at first. Not until you walked out of your room and saw him standing in front of the hallway mirror, fixing his shirt, hair brushed, chain around his neck like he actually gave a damn about how he looked today.
You blinked, rubbing your eye. “Where are you going?”
He didn’t look over. Just kept adjusting the collar of his hoodie in the mirror.
“Chris?”
He shrugged a little. “Out.”
You tilted your head. “Out where?”
He picked up his phone from the counter. “Just out.”
“Okay,” you said, watching him. “You’re putting on cologne to go to the bodega?”
That got a smirk out of him—but it didn’t reach his eyes.
You frowned. “Seriously. Where are you going?”
There was a pause. A small one. Barely noticeable, unless you were looking for it.
Then he muttered, casual as hell, “Got a date.”
You froze. “What?”
“I said I’ve got a date,” he repeated, grabbing his wallet and tucking it into his back pocket. “Her name’s Lia.”
Your stomach dropped. You stared at him, waiting for the punchline.
When it didn’t come, you laughed once—dry and confused. “You’re joking.”
He turned toward the door. “Nope.”
You blinked hard, like it would clear the ringing in your ears. “You’re going on a date? While I’m pregnant with your kid?”
Chris glanced over his shoulder, casual, unreadable. “What? You thought we were playing house now?”
That stung. More than you wanted to admit.
“I thought…” you started, swallowing hard, “I thought we were doing better. I thought you wanted to—”
He cut you off with a careless shrug. “You told me I was gonna be a deadbeat, remember? Just trying to stay in character.”
You flinched. That wasn’t fair, and he knew it.
“And besides,” he added with a lazy smirk, “Lia’s easy to remember. Be easy to say in bed.”
It knocked the air out of you.
You didn’t cry—not yet. But you took a step back like he’d slapped you. Like the floor shifted underneath you and you weren’t sure where to stand anymore.
“Wow,” you whispered.
Chris hesitated. Barely. Just enough that it almost looked like guilt flashed across his face. But he didn’t take it back. Didn’t apologize.
He just turned for the door and muttered, “I won’t be late.”
And then he left. Just like that.
Leaving you in the silence.
Pregnant. Alone. And wondering if you were the only one who still thought this meant something.
Lia was cute. She laughed at his jokes, touched his arm when she talked, smiled like she actually gave a damn about his stories. It should’ve felt good—getting out, getting attention, feeling like himself again. Like he wasn’t just the guy who knocked someone up.
And for a little while, it worked. The drinks were strong, the music was loud, and she looked at him like he was someone worth chasing.
One thing led to another.
They ended up back at her place.
Her apartment smelled like vanilla and candles, and she pulled him inside by the front of his shirt, giggling as she kicked the door shut.
“You always this quiet?” she teased, fingers tugging on his chain as she leaned up to kiss his neck.
Chris let her. His hands found her waist. His lips brushed her collarbone. But something about it didn’t click. Her perfume was too sweet. Her touch didn’t burn like yours. Her voice didn’t ring in his ears the same way.
It was all… wrong.
His phone buzzed.
He ignored it.
She pushed him gently toward the couch, climbing onto his lap. “You good?” she whispered against his jaw.
Buzz.
He pulled back slightly, jaw tightening.
Buzz.
Lia frowned. “You want me to get that?”
He didn’t answer—just pulled his phone out of his pocket.
Y/N.
Missed call. Two of them. Then a text.
can you come home please i just— i can’t sleep without you.
Chris stared at the screen. His throat tightened.
“Everything okay?” Lia asked, still sitting on his lap, arms lazily draped around his neck.
He swallowed. “Yeah. Just…”
Buzz.
Another call.
He answered this time.
Your voice came through, soft. Sleepy. A little shaky. “Chris?”
He didn’t say anything. Just sat there, with some other girl curled around him, your name lighting up his screen.
“I know you’re out,” you whispered. “And I’m sorry. I just… I need you. Please.”
His heart twisted.
Lia shifted on his lap. “Chris?”
He stood up gently, letting her slide off him. “I gotta go,” he muttered.
“Seriously?” she frowned. “It’s not even—”
“Yeah,” he cut her off. “Sorry. This was a mistake.”
He walked out without another word.
And the whole ride home, all he could think about was how the fuck he ever thought he could forget you, even for a second.
You heard the key in the door and nearly tripped over yourself getting out of bed. You hadn’t even turned the lights off—you couldn’t sleep. Not really. You just lay there replaying everything. The silence. The cold couch. His voice saying “I have a date.” The way he looked at you like you were nothing but a phase that had already ended.
But then the door opened.
And there he was.
Hood up, tired eyes, keys still dangling from his fingers. You didn’t wait. You rushed forward and wrapped your arms around him like it had been years instead of hours, burying your face in his chest.
He hugged you back instantly—strong arms pulling you in like he needed it just as bad.
But then you smelled it.
Something floral. Sweet. Not you.
You stiffened a little. Your arms loosened. You didn’t say anything at first, but your body did.
Chris felt it.
“I didn’t fuck her,” he said quietly, arms still around you. “Didn’t even want to.”
You didn’t answer. You just nodded into his hoodie, even though that ache in your chest didn’t go away.
He stepped back, just a little, pulling the hoodie over his head and tossing it to the side. Then the shirt. His jeans. And then he stood in your dimly lit room in nothing but his boxers, running a hand through his hair.
“Can I stay?” he asked, even though he was already crawling into bed.
You climbed in after him without hesitation.
The second your body hit the mattress, he was there again—pulling you close, tucking you under his chin, arms locked around you like he couldn’t stand the thought of you slipping away. You were still a little tense, but you didn’t fight it. You couldn’t. Not when he held you like that.
He pressed a soft kiss to the side of your neck. Then another. And another.
“I didn’t mean it,” he murmured against your skin. “What I said. What I did. I’m a fucking idiot.”
You didn’t say anything, just closed your eyes and leaned into the warmth of him.
“I shouldn’t have said we were just friends. I didn’t mean it like that. I just… I didn’t know what we were. I got scared.”
You swallowed hard, your fingers curling into the hem of his boxers, needing something to hold onto.
“I don’t know how to do this,” he whispered. “But I’m trying. For you. For the baby. I swear to God, I’m trying.”
You finally looked up at him, eyes glossy, and whispered, “Don’t leave again.”
“I won’t,” he said, voice firm this time. “Not again.”
The room was quiet except for the soft hum of the fan in the corner and the steady rhythm of Chris’s breathing behind you. His arm was lazily slung around your waist, fingers drumming absentmindedly against your skin beneath your shirt. Your legs were tangled together under the blanket, the silence between you finally feeling… calm instead of cold.
Your hand rested lightly on his thigh, your fingers gently playing with the hem of his boxers. Not in a teasing way—just… comfort. Familiarity. You weren’t even thinking about it, really. It was just soothing.
“You’re warm,” you whispered, the first words in a while.
Chris let out a soft breath of a laugh against the back of your neck. “You’re clingy.”
You rolled your eyes with a tiny smile. “You’re here, aren’t you?”
He didn’t argue. Just pulled you a little closer.
A moment passed before you spoke again, quieter this time. “I’m sorry… for what I said. In the car. That shit about you being a deadbeat.”
Chris didn’t respond right away, but you could feel his body shift a little behind you—his chin resting on your shoulder now, closer, listening.
“I didn’t mean it,” you continued. “I was scared. And hormonal. And mean. And I guess I wanted to hurt you the way I thought you were gonna hurt me.”
You swallowed, fingers still tugging gently at the soft waistband of his boxers.
“I know you’ll be a good dad,” you said, voice barely above a whisper. “You already are.”
Chris pressed a kiss into your shoulder, then let his lips linger there for a second. “You didn’t have to say all that.”
“I wanted to.”
Another beat of silence passed, but it didn’t feel heavy. It felt honest.
“Do you think we should… like, be together?” you asked, finally turning around to face him. “For real?”
Chris’s eyes met yours in the dark, and for once, he didn’t flinch. “I think I don’t wanna go a day without seeing you. That count?”
Your throat tightened. “Yeah. That counts.”
He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, hand cradling the side of your face. “I’m not perfect, Y/N. I’m gonna mess up. Probably more than I’d like to admit. But I’m not leaving you. I’m not leaving them.”
You leaned into his touch, blinking back the sting in your eyes.
“I just wanna be enough for you,” you whispered.
“You’re already more than enough,” he said back, without hesitation.
And that night, you fell asleep with his arms around you, his breath warm against your skin, and—for the first time in what felt like forever—hope blooming quietly in your chest.
A/N- Am i moving too fast with my au’s?
My beautiful babies- @blushsturns @starrii-sturns @izzylovesmatt @chrisslut04 @oopsiedaisydeer @csturnioloswifey @just-a-girl-1 @sturdyyolo @sturnslvtt @sturnbows @sturniolosrtewsexy @chriss-slutt @franticroads @thecrawlys @ribbonlovergirl @freshlyinlovewchris @whore4chris @matts-girlfriend @ariana3lovesu @sturnl0ve @cass-sturn @sturns-mermaid @sunrisemill @fadedstvrn @ikyoudreamofme @mattsdemi @kitkatbar1275 @skelet0nsinmyycloset @lezleeferguson-120 @bells-sturn @sturniolosymphony @kenziesturniolo54 @kikirasweatsweathoho @emely9274 @cherryystemm @realuvrrr @zenithsturniolo @kier-with-a-k @eeyoresturnz @elizasturn @ribread03 @sturnslux3 @costalgirlyr @pizzapocketpocketpizza @arianna1342 @mattsplaything @ed1tssturnn @ivysturnss @ilovemenwithlonghairr @whore4-chrissturniolo
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mywritersmind · 2 days ago
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WEEKENDS HAPPEN - KA12
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summary : kimi hasn’t had the weekend anyone was expecting. luckily, you’re there to comfort the youngest driver.
listen up : quick kissing. angst kinda. kimi’s weekend wasn’t horrible but still a bit sad. here’s a cute short i wrote. wolff!reader
words : 675
⋆。‧˚⋆
It’s tough. Formula one is tough. Sometimes you just have one of those weekends. I know it and so do the drivers.
So does Kimi.
I walk into the driver's room without waiting for him to let me in. He’s sitting on the therapy table, his head leaning against the wall, his suit still on, and a towel around his neck. He doesn’t look at me.
I shut the door behind me. My fathers voice is echoing in my head as I do the one thing he hates; leaving me and Kimi alone.
“K-”
“I’m fine.” He says quickly, “It’s fine. Bit of bad luck.”
“Kimi…” I try again, walking closer. His eyes are shut now.
“P1 to P10 yesterday.” He finally looks at me, his curls damp and unruly like always, “P2 to P6 today. It’s not a DNF or crash- but fuck, Wolff. It still hurts.” I can tell it does, I can see it in the way his eyes droop and his brows tighten.
“I know. I know-” I sigh, pulling my hands out of my pockets and resting them on his knees, “you know it’s not the worst, but it sucks. I get that.”
“But you don’t-”
“Just because I've never been in that situation doesn’t mean I don’t have empathy for it.” Our eyes stay locked for a second, then two, then three.
I motion for him to scoot closer, and he does.
I unstrap the velcro around his neck, unzipping the rest of his suit after. He watches me, watches my hands. “Undressing me already?” His tone is soft and humorous, despite the anger I know he’s feeling. My hand goes farther down, ending at his waist but keeping my hands on him.
He takes one of my hands off his suit. Turning it over slowly, he outlines the indents in my palm before slipping his hand into mine.
His skin is warm, his hand bigger than mine in the comforting way only understood after feeling his touch on mine.
“I’m sorry about today.” I can’t help but say it. My dad always tells me to not apologize, especially after not having done anything. But sometimes even Toto Wolff is wrong.
“Don’t apologize.” His eyes are still on our hands, “You were the best part of it, anyway.” A part of my heart just about splits open.
Not because Kimi’s breaking my heart. More like I'm breaking my own.
“I really don’t deserve you, Antonelli.” I say his last name as armor around my soft words.
He tilts his head back up to me, his face just inches from mine now. “You deserve everything, Wolff.”
He waits for me. I know he does because he’s the perfect person for me. So I kiss him first, smooth, slow… I kiss him like I love him. Maybe I do.
He cups my cheek, not rushing or wanting me to get on my knees, he touches me like he never wants to let go. He touches me like he loves me.
His lips are soft and I can feel my lipgloss leaving me after every kiss. I pull away first, biting my lip to force myself not to go back to him.
He doesn’t try again, just scoots back and nods to the place next to him. I climb up, leaning my head against his shoulder as his hand finds my knee. “Italy next week.” I say hopefully, “You’ve got that.”
“It’s a lot of pressure.” He mumbles, rubbing his thumb over my skin mindlessly, “But good. I like pressure. Especially with a pretty girl putting it on me.”
I smile at this, “Lucky for you… I'm free on the eighteenth.” He laughs, tugging my leg closer to him and putting his head against mine.
We stay like that for God knows how long- just listening to each other breathing while the fan circulates the room. Later on, I look at Kimi and realize that he’s already watching me. “I don’t know what’d I do without you. I’m serious about that.”
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roanofarcc · 14 hours ago
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THE BLEEDING, BEATING HEART
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pairing: yelena belova x reader (requested)
summary: yelena struggles to find her footing in a team dynamic after so many years of working alone, but when things get tough she has you to lean on.
warnings: self-doubt, sad yelena, a little bit of hurt with comfort! mentions of the OG avengers
word count. 1.2k || masterlist
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It was early, too early to be awake, but your mind decided to wake long before your body was ready to take on the day. With a groan, you forced yourself out of bed and dragged yourself to the kitchen of the Watchtower, desperate for a mug of coffee. 
It was a rare day off for the team, as long as no major threats decided to sweep in, so you believed everyone to still be sleeping until you noticed a pot of coffee already made and at least two cups missing. 
No one was in the kitchen or the living room. Curious as to who was awake at such an early hour, you quietly made your way through the spots in the tower where anyone else could have been. Landing outside the training room, which was still half under construction, you heard repetitive grunts in time with hits on one of the punching bags. 
Stepping inside, holding the warm mug of coffee between your hands, you spotted Yelena. She was wide awake, dressed in her training gear, and a good while into her set. Her blonde hair was slicked back and sweat beaded her forehead. 
“Yelena,” you called out. She stopped, holding her balled fists at her chest. “This doesn’t look like taking a day off.” 
She rolled her eyes playfully. “I’m relaxing.” 
You raised your brows, stepping closer to her. “You seem awfully tense, actually.” It looked as if her whole body was pulled like a rubber band waiting to be snapped. You had noticed her odd behavior for the past week, but you had chalked it up to the shit-show that was the latest mission. 
As the ‘woman in the chair,’ you weren’t on site for their missions, but rather managing comms, taking down intel, and acting as their eyes from above if you were able to hack your way into a security system. Even without being on site, you knew the mission hadn’t gone as everyone had hoped. It was messy, dangerous, and almost resulted in major injuries if it hadn’t been for the team's watchful eye for one another. Despite the mission being completed and deemed a technical success, when they arrived home, you knew their mistakes and missteps weighed on them. You especially saw it in Yelena. 
Yelena huffed, dropping her hands at her sides before grabbing a towel to wipe the sweat from her face. “You know, I could ask you the same question. Why are you awake?” 
“Well, I thought it was because my mind refuses to shut off for too many hours, but now I’m thinking it was gut telling me to check up on you.” 
“I don’t need to be checked up on,” Yelena said, turning her back to you as she rummaged through her training bag for a water bottle. 
If it had been months prior, you would have let her be after that, but you had grown to know Yelena over your time spent living at the tower together. She was impossibly tough, but there was a softness that wasn’t often taken care of and overlooked by other herself and everyone else. But you saw it, a little weakness that made her human, much to her dismay. 
You placed a hand on her shoulder, half expecting her to shrug you off, but she didn’t. Instead, she turned around to face you and hung her head. “Fine,” she muttered. “I screwed up. I made a bad call during the mission, and I…I don’t know what I was thinking, but now I can’t think of anything else. Okay? Happy?” She fell back on the bench, and you followed, sitting beside her with enough space between you so as to not make her feel suffocated. 
“You’re not perfect, Yelena. No one is. You made a call that you thought was right, and it wasn’t,” you said. “It happens. It’ll probably happen again, but the important thing is you realized it and you corrected it.” 
“Yeah, but not before Walker took a bullet in the arm,” Yelena sighed, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. “They looked to me to take the call, and I…I let them down. I don’t know how to do this.” 
You furrowed your brows, watching her intently. “Do what?” 
She didn’t meet your gaze but rather kept her focus forward. “Work as a team. I’ve been on my own, doing missions on my own for so long. Reporting to someone else is one thing, but being the one others look at to make decisions is pressure I don’t know if I can handle. Why me? Why do they look to me?” 
Despite the hurt that her words drew, you smiled softly, itching to reach out for her but refraining. Yelena was a complicated person with an even more complicated past. You didn’t want to push her, even if you ached to hold her hand, hug her, even brush some loose strands of hair behind her ear. 
“Probably for the same reason the Avengers looked at your sister during the Blip.” 
Yelena snapped her attention onto you, startled and confused. You had been there during the Blip, when the disbanded team crawled back together. It was Nastasha who called you in, once having you aid in undercover missions when you were a fresh-faced S.H.I.E.L.D operative who had a hunch something darker was going on within the organization. You had been young, inexperienced in the world of super-powered humans, betrayal, and complicated politics, but you had helped regardless, getting yourself in a fair amount of trouble. You had been lying low when the Blip happened, only to find Nastasha at your front door asking you if you wanted to help save the universe. 
You couldn’t give much, but you had nothing else to lose or to do. You watched the Avengers and company bring everyone back, only to lose Natasha and others in the process. 
“Steve had said, even before then, that your sister was the heart of the Avengers. The bleeding, beating heart. I think you, Yelena, are so much like her.” You turned toward her, bumping your knees against hers. “You’re the heart of this team; that’s why they look to you.” 
Many emotions flickered across Yelena’s face, but she landed on a glossy-eyed gaze with her lips pointed downwards in a frown. “My sister was a hero. She helped save the universe. I could hardly lead the team through a standard intel removal.” 
“Everyone else seems to think you’re a hero.” 
She laughed humorlessly, looking up at the light like she was trying to prevent any tears from leaking out. “Because Valentina set us up so we wouldn’t kill her right there on the street.” 
“Fair, but that was after you guys saved Bob and the city. That sounds like a hero to me,” you said. “This team trusts you because they can see what I see. What the Avengers saw in your sister, they see it in you.”
Yelena’s head tipped down, a few tears falling with it. She grumbled under her breath and wiped her cheeks. “Shit. You cannot say things that make me cry this early.” 
With a hesitant hand, you softly squeezed Yelena’s knee. She stared at it for a moment before letting herself linger in her feelings a little longer. She leaned in and wrapped her arms around you, her head falling onto your shoulder. You hugged her back tightly. 
“Maybe you should start doing the pep talks before missions instead of Alexei,” Yelena mumbled into your shoulder, tired body heavy against yours. 
You snorted out a laugh. “Yeah, you try telling him that.”
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thehydraethereal · 3 days ago
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𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒'𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒 - ˏ͛⑅  ‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹ ‧̫‧ ⋆ ⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙  ✦ ⑅ˏ͛ -
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espresso red wine ribbon bambi cal. bitch
๛ You are not here by accident. You like it when it hurts a little. Or a lot. Either way, come and revendicate your shade. How do you know which shade is yours? Well, below you wil find the types of readers I write for. And bleed for. Find out which one you are and let me know დ
๛ Remember: you are much beloved and cherished by me. ✦
๛ Find out more about your author (me) here.
ESPRESSO.ᐟreader
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₁ Fast-scrolling, and emotionally masochistic ₂ Has trauma AND a superiority complex ₃ Obsessed with mind games ₄ Would genuinely punch the character back if she would get hit ₅ Sharp-tongued ₆ Gets off on power imbalance scenes and calls it “character development” ₇ Favorite color is black. Or rust. Nothing pastel. ₈ Rage buried under control ₉ Keeps her brightness on the lowest setting. Reads the worst parts twice. ₁₀ Guilt is a second skin for her. ₁₁ She’s been through shit she’ll never type out, but my fics? They speak in her language. ₁₂ Addicted to the ache. Can’t stop chasing the darker scenes ₁₃ Eyes that haven’t slept properly in weeks ₁₄ If she doesn’t feel something brutal, she doesn’t feel at all ₁₅ One hand gripping the laptop, the other ready to throw it
RED WINE.ᐟreader
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₁ Elegant but unhinged ₂ Reads slowly and feels everything deeply—quotes passages religiously. ₃ Trauma romanticizer with a soft spot for broken men who lie well ₄ Loves candlelit danger, men with blood on their hands, and slow psychological decay ₅ She notices everything. ₆ Leaves long, emotional tags in reblogs ₇ Closet sadist. Emotional devastation is foreplay. ₈ Never acts while angry or sad, admirable strenght and great posture. ₉ Has old voicemails saved she’ll never play again. ₁₀ Reads in silence, like it’s a funeral. ₁₁ Violent scenes do not shock her. Gentle ones do. ₁₂ Knows how to make excuses for people who hurt her. ₁₃ A little bitter, a little romantic, a little exhausted ₁₄ Doesn’t cry often, but when she does it’s ugly and quiet and late ₁₅ Comes to dark fiction to find something she can’t say out loud: “It’s not okay, and I’m not over it.”
RIBBON.ᐟreader
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Craves pretty words and brutal truths in the same breath Was told she was too emotional—so now she bleeds in private Her playlists sound like drowning in a flower field Stares at one sentence for ten minutes like it owes her something Sees love as a tragic myth but still hopes for it Too gentle for this world, too self-aware to leave it Romanticizes her pain because it’s the only way it makes sense Sews herself back together with lyrics, dialogue, and soft terror Doesn’t want to be rescued—just understood Finds beauty in characters falling apart gracefully She’s never yelled, but her silence is deafening She wants to be hurt gently. To be ruined with care. NO ONE would guess she reads fics this dark. Reads not to escape, but to understand the ache in her ribs.
BAMBI.ᐟreader
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She tells people she’s okay. She even tells herself. But she seeks out fiction that makes her heart race for all the wrong reasons. She wants to be seen, but never found. She grew up too fast and too quietly. Sleeps with a light on, but only reads in the dark. Baby face, brutal tastes Soft voice, sensitive soul but dirty imagination Carries everyone else’s weight. Fiction is where she drops it. Trauma survivor in disguise. Nobody knows what she’s seen. Reads victim-coded fics because she just understands. Wants the monster to love her just a little. She thinks if she can handle it on screen, she can handle it in real life Afraid of him, but keeps reading Flinches when voices get too loud Sleeps with the door locked Kind because no one was to her Doesn't trust happy endings
CALIFORNIA BITCH.ᐟreader
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Fucks instead of crying Doesn't read warnings. Loves lollipops. Will literally not be ashamed of what she wants and supports, in fact, she would scream them from a microphone and a stage Heart of the party Requests five fics, and constantly refreshes the page to see if they got posted Gets needy and wet by just imagining the character Built like a femme fatale Looks mean, but is actually sweet. Kind of a bimbo.
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anonf1writer · 6 hours ago
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Scene 1: “I Only Came Because of You” (ln4)
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summary: something written around the prompt “You know, I only came here tonight because I heard you’d be here. How ridiculous is that?”. ofc + lando norris friends to lovers. lowkey angst. word count: 1.4k
note¹: it’s been over a year since I’ve opened a word doc and wrote more than 10 words. might seem silly to you, but feels very cathartic and emotional to me. I missed this, and I missed writing just for me. just to make myself happy. so I didn’t plan, didn’t plot, didn’t take myself too seriously. just went with it and made it happen. so on the one hand I’m sorry if it sucks, but on the other hand I am not sorry at all. lol. 
note²: thanks a lot for your kindness! my inbox puts a smile on my face right now! i promise I’ll get through the messages asap! 🫶
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Danielle opened the pub door still laughing, facing forward and getting through the exit while shaking her head at something Rita had said. As usual, it had been a good night. The perfect opportunity to clear her head, have fun with her friends, and forget about all the stressful, silly moments from that week. 
Once outside, though, she jolted at the sudden drop in temperature. At the sudden silence. At the sudden emptiness. All chattering, music and cheering somehow lingered in her ears, but the night air was sharper than she expected, easily cutting through the ease of her laughter and pulling her back to something heavier. Something real. Something that had her chest tightening while she pulled her shoulders up and crossed her arms. 
Ahead of her, standing near the curb, Lando swayed slightly on his feet. Chin dipped down, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, shoulders hunched forward. Seemingly too lost inside his mind. Seemingly too distracted to even notice she had finally stepped out.
For a moment, Danielle’s heart warmed at the sight, and something exciting fluttered in her belly. It had been months since the last time she’d seen him, since the last time he’d agreed to join them on a night out. And so much had happened and so much had changed since then, that the fact that he had stayed true to his word and waited for her was a win she was more than willing to take. 
At the same time, there was something about this new version of him that had her chest tightening with worry. A lack of energy, perhaps. A lack of presence. Whatever it was, seemed enough to encourage her to open her mouth and break the silence—a silence that had already grown way too heavy and for far too long between them. 
“Hey,” she said. “You okay?”
Lando looked up, then. Meeting her stare. Blinking once, and twice. 
Even in the dim light, his eyes looked glassy. Not glassy as in drunk, but lost somewhere in between the edges of honesty, sadness, and regret. Tired in that emotional way of him that she had come to recognize too well after years of genuine friendship. 
And yet, Lando nodded. 
“Yeah,” he said. “All good.”
Had it been a different time, Danielle would’ve called him out for lying. She would’ve demanded a real answer, or she would’ve named the truth herself. Because had it been a different time, Lando would’ve probably already talked to her about it before. Whatever it was. He would’ve called her just to complain, or to curse, or to stay in silence while she babbled alone for both of them.  
But now…
Now things had changed between them. Now Danielle wasn’t so sure what was going on. Now she wasn’t able to point out where his apparent emotions came from. She didn’t know, because he hadn’t talked to her anymore.
At all. 
Was it a girl? Had he been dating someone? 
Was it his job?
Was it the results from his previous race? 
Was it something with his family?
Danielle snorted and shook her head. 
Trying to guess was pointless. As long as he didn’t talk to her, she would never know. So she gripped her keys and shifted on her feet, walking down the street without expecting anything else from him. 
“My car is that way.”
Only her feet stomping on the pavement echoed on the empty street, and then— 
“Wait.”
Danielle stopped. 
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then blinked a couple times before she turned back to him. Heart already tugging toward something she wasn’t sure she could name.
Lando was still frozen on the spot, though. Looking at her with narrowed eyes as if he had absolutely no idea what to say, or what to do. As if the words could be written somewhere over her face. Or as if she would explain them to him. 
Except she could never give him the answers, because he had never given her the questions in the first place.
“What?” she asked.
Lando opened his mouth, only to close it again. 
Her heart pounded inside her chest. 
All night, he had barely said ten words to her. A painful contrast to everything they used to be somewhere in the past. 
How the hell had that happened to them? 
“Lando…” she stepped forward, only once, dropping her shoulders while searching his eyes. “What is it?”
A pause. 
And then, Lando looked down, shook his head, and chuckled. 
“Ugh!” He pulled his hands out of his pockets and rubbed his face, the loudest sigh of frustration making all its way from him, through her. “This is just… Fuck me.” 
Danielle held the air in her lungs, watching him press his palms against his eyes and take a moment to collect himself. 
“You know,” he added, “I only came here tonight because I heard you’d be here.”
More laughing. More shaking of his head.
Short, messy curls perfectly cut into a mullet that she had found herself more than once thinking about. Longing to see. 
“How ridiculous is that?”
Lando dropped his arms, looking at her. 
Danielle opened her mouth, only to have no words coming out of it. 
It wasn’t ridiculous. She knew that much. It wasn’t even surprising, to be honest. It was something she’d suspected after her friends had told her he’d been asking about her. But it was also something she had hoped and feared, all at once. A mix of emotions she had been avoiding to think about, mostly because she didn’t know what to do with any of it anymore. 
She didn’t know why he had drifted away. She didn’t know why he had stopped reaching out. She didn’t know why he had avoided her all at once.
She didn’t know, even though she had asked. 
Multiple times. 
“I’ve been crap lately,” Lando said, voice low and unsteady in a way she’d never heard from him before. “I know. I should’ve—I fucked up. And then I didn’t know how to be around you anymore. Because I kept thinking… What if… What if I messed this up too? What if I ruined the one thing I actually care about?”
Danielle blinked. 
And Lando’s words just hung there, soft and bare between them. 
More than anything, she wanted to step closer and hug him tightly. Tell him she’d been thinking the exact same thing about him. Every day he didn’t call. Every text he didn’t reply. Every day he didn’t show up. Had she messed up? Had she ruined the one thing she actually cared about? 
“You didn’t ruin anything.” She shrugged. “You just… Stopped showing up. And you never told me why. But I’ve been here all along… Still am.”
Lando blinked. Like her words hit him. Not harshly, but honestly.
“I know,” he said, nodding once as he took a step forward. “I’m sorry… I don’t know… I just…”
“Yeah…” she added, voice softer now. “Look, I won’t say I’m not mad, because I think I deserved a lot better than that… But I also didn’t need to offer you a ride home. I mean, we both know you’re more than sober enough to drive. And we both know what a terrible fucking passenger you are.” 
Lando smirked, and Danielle felt her own lips curling up. 
“Then why did you offer?” he asked.
“Why did you show up tonight?” she asked, instead.
“Tonight…” Lando sighed. “Tonight I couldn’t not come. I just… I needed to see you. Even if I didn’t say a word. Even if you barely looked at me. I just—I needed to be near you. That’s all.”
Her belly fluttered, and for the first time all night, she finally let her arms fall to her sides. 
“I missed you, you idiot,” she murmured. “That’s why I offered.”
He smiled at that—tired, crooked, familiar. That same smile she loved so much. The same smile that had her smiling as well, right back at him.
“So I still get a ride home?” he asked, that old spark of teasing returning, just barely. 
Danielle rolled her eyes and laughed. “You get a ride to my place and a cup of tea, so I can get a lot of apologies and truthful explanations, how’s that?”
Lando didn’t move right away. He just looked at her for a long moment, like something finally made sense. And then, he smiled even bigger, not wasting any other second before stepping forward and catching up with her. 
“Yeah. Let’s go, then.” 
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mosoderbergh · 2 days ago
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Fade Conversations (Dreadrook Week)
I can’t help but think about a version of the fade prison where, at some point of the story, there is a <hug Solas> option. Or something of the sort, at least. Because I think there are so many different versions of this (some sweet or sad, sure, but some also hilarious).
I picture the weeks ticking by with Rook spending every night in Solas’ company. And Solas never quite drops that Dread Wolf persona, but the cliff scenery gets boring after a while. So at some point, they switch to walks.
And even though Solas remains cordial at best, scathing at worst, Rook… well. They know Varric’s tales of Solas - gentle, thoughtful, a hero at heart - and Varric is a great judge of character, isn’t he? With that as groundwork, and a sometimes self-destructive tendency to see the best in people, they find themselves warming up to Solas. Perhaps, in time, some of the softer parts of his personality shine through in their talks. The parts of him that the Inquisition got to know. In Rook’s head, they begin to think of him as a friend - though they would never say this out loud, neither to him nor to the others at the lighthouse.
Intellectually, they know who he is. They know he has every incentive to manipulate them. They tend to go back and forth with themselves a lot about all this. But then comes their run-in with Elgar’nan. And Solas jumps to the rescue. The relief they felt at the sound of his voice still sits deep in their bones. They’ve had a long, hard, scary day. And at the end of all of it, he hits them with “And I suppose I had you.”
Solas means it, moreso than he would care to admit. Still, it is spoken in jest. The only way he can bring himself to say something nice to them. He thinks Rook must loathe him - why ever would they not? The fact that he enjoys their conversations, well - there is not much else to enjoy in his prison. He tries not to think about it too hard.
Again: Rook, in this moment, is so tired. They are grateful. They are still terrified, with the voice of yet another god still ringing in their ears. They are not in the best headspace to interpret social cues. And so what Solas intends as both a genuine statement of respect and a way to needle them into further debate, Rook interprets as: “I’m glad to have you.”
And so they hug him. Arms wrapped around him, face pressed against his chestplate (my Rook is a short king). They tear up a little from exhaustion and emotional whiplash.
It cannot be overstated that this was not how Solas imagined their interaction going from this point forward. He stands silent and unmoving for a few heartbeats, entirely lost on what to do next. Eventually, he puts single a hand on their shoulder, as if he is trying to wake them from a dream.
“Rook?”
But now Rook is too busy trying to not cry from sheer stress. They don’t immediately respond. If anything, they squeeze him.
And Solas has not been hugged in a very, very long time. His hand remains on their shoulder, his thumb unthinkingly brushing slow circles, and soon enough he is fighting to keep his composure, as well. Because he knows what comes next. And he never particularly wanted to hurt them to begin with, but it gets a little harder every day to keep pushing forward.
(edit: forgot to @ @thelighthouse-server, my bad!)
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the-bi-space-ace · 1 year ago
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Okay I’m going to talk about cutting off Crosshair’s hand because while I know plenty of people see a lot of symbolism in it and think it was a good decision I have things to say about it.
I have CPTSD which has a lot of different symptoms. One of them is trembling or shaking. There’s a lot of complexities tied up in it but I’m not going to go into more detail because it’s not a fun thing to talk about.
What I liked about Crosshair’s trauma was that it impacted him not only mentally and emotionally but also physically. It’s very representative of what it’s actually like dealing with symptoms from something like PTSD and CPTSD (there are differences between these two that I won’t go into rn). I loved that we got to see a physical symptom of something psychological. It’s so rare that it’s handled well. Because yeah meditation and safety will help, certainly, but oftentimes it’s not the end all be all. I’m safe. I’m protected. I take care of my mental well being. But I still have symptoms that say the opposite. Because it’s not as simple as ‘no longer in the bad situation therefore the symptoms will stop’. I’ve made my peace that it’s lifelong and, honestly, Crosshair’s symptoms would be lifelong as well.
Cutting off his hand…
Here’s the thing.
The show really makes it seem like cutting off his hand is something he needed to move forward. He needed to be rid of the symptom because it was a physical reminder and it was holding him back from moving on. Cutting off the hand means no more shaking which means he’s healed. No more shaking hand=no more trauma. He can finally move on with his life.
And to that I say ouch.
There’s been plenty of times my symptoms are inconvenient to myself or others. Times when I wish I could just make it stop. Times when I’m terrified that it’s holding me back and I’m screwed up and that’s all I’ll ever be: broken. There are plenty of times I know people wish i could just knock it off and get over it and cut it out but that’s not how it works. Like I said. I’ve made peace with this thing that’ll be with me forever.
It was refreshing to see him try to adapt to dealing with it instead of ignoring it or trying to get rid of the part of him that was hurting. I loved that. It was such a freeing thing to see. Someone who will live with the hurt and the symptoms and it doesn’t make him any less. It just makes him have to do life a little different.
I hate that they cut off his hand. I hate that it wasn’t handled with any sort of nuance or delicacy. And I hate that this thing that made me so proud of him, so proud to share something with him, just got cut off for… what? Shock? To ‘fix’ him?
If we had gotten more time with the loss of his hand maybe I’d feel differently. Hell, I’d love to see how Crosshair adapts to losing his hand, see how he learns to accommodate. It would give him and Echo something to bond over and talk about, finding healing with each other. I think this could’ve been done well. I’d still be on the fence about it but I would’ve held my breath and saw how it played out.
I fully expect people to roll their eyes at me here. I expect that people will say that I just don’t get it or that this isn’t what they intended. I’m sure this isn’t what they intended. At least I hope it isn’t. But what they intended doesn’t change how insensitively this was handled after a whole season of him unpacking his hurt and trying to learn to adapt to it. No one reacted to it, not even Crosshair, and we got no unpacking of what happened. I’m not happy with this but it is what it is I guess.
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butteryunlikelylady · 9 months ago
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it was never my life to live and he didn’t fall for the real me… he fell for an accessory and thought he could just change the label while things stayed the same
#sorry y’all I’m probably gonna be venting about this the next few weeks#still getting over the sudden ending of this SR and I’m working my way through it#wait why am I apologizing it’s my blog 😭#mine#SB chronicles#it will probably irk me for a while that he thinks I’m at fault for the way things ended when it was entirely him#and he will probably think of me as sensitive and petty and a hoe that was just after his money and he’ll be all the more bitter#towards women after this and I feel bad for whoever he picks up after me#he’s just on a cycle of rebounds…. not healthy at all#his punishment is who he is and no woman in her healed mind is going to stay with him once she realizes who he is#he will end up alone sooner or later#or keep running through women bc he eventually takes his facade off#maybe white women can handle all that emotional abuse but not me baby#I like my men respectful sweet patient and kind and good at communication#I still can’t believe I was going to date him for real and before I could get those words out#he immediately showed me why I would have regretted that decision#I somehow dodged a bullet but still experiencing pain and feeling like I was owed more good times with him#I just wanted a few more months of all the good…..#but there were a lot of things that irritated the shit out of me and I’m forgetting to remember those things#I’m romanticizing our time together#I mean it was wonderful while it was good but I hated hearing and smelling his fucking gross f*rts#that is definitely something I will never get used to tolerating from a man#or how easily distracted he was or how he didn’t like to sit inside of moments like I do#how he often gave me the illusion of choice but then we ended up doing whatever he wanted#I definitely would think ‘oh I can’t wait to never deal with _____ again’ and now I don’t have to 🤷🏾‍♀️#I just miss the affection attention and sex and how I felt disconnected from my sad reality when I was in his world#I just liked his world#it was rich and quiet and high quality and carefree
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killmymind · 1 year ago
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i don’t think i’ve ever felt this lost in my life. tbh
#feeling sad? sure. hopeless? been there done that. anxious as hell? at least once a week. but lost? no. not really#and that’s really fucking scary because i’m not familiar with it and i just don’t know how to deal with it#i can’t stop thinking that i’m running out of time because i’m 25 and i don’t think i can afford feeling this way#taking a break from uni sounds good in theory but in reality? again. i’m 25. i need to at least achieve one thing in my life holy shit#it’s SO hard to see the good even when it’s right in front of me or someone points it out. like having a job or studying or getting to#travel or even just having friends ARE achievements but i always want More More and More i am addicted to wanting more cause it feels like#nothing i do is ever enough. and now i’m adding feeling lost because i’m finally acknowledging the fact that i don’t know what i want to do#with what i’m studying or how to get a different job in the future when i almost have no experience and everything is just so frustrating#because i simply don’t fucking know. i just don’t. i can’t afford not knowing!! everything is so messy rn you would think i’d be thriving#after seeing louis and meeting aria and traveling to germany and i am genuinely so happy those things happened but fuck man there is always#the Bigger Thing taking over and it makes me feel like an ungrateful brat i just don’t fucking know man. maybe i am an ungrateful brat#but it’s just so hard to be happy when you’re feeling so lost with everything in your life and yourself#anyway i just. needed to let that out#negative#effie talks to the moon
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justinefrischmanngf · 2 years ago
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HAVE SHIFTS FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS AND BY GOD ARE THEY SEXY!!!!!!!!!!
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eorzeanflowers · 1 year ago
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I really wish my adhd would do the whole focus thing on drawing instead of video games sometimes.
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x-ladydisdain-x · 2 years ago
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today was a very does anyone notice does anyone care et cetera et cetera kind of day however tomorrow will be better ! (I won’t talk to anyone)
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thebibliosphere · 2 months ago
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do you think pheromones would be a mcas trigger in an omegaverse type setting?
I mean, I’m allergic to my own menstrual cycle so probably. Sometimes other people’s body odor if it’s strong enough can make me wheeze so I imagine scenting and pheromones might have the same effect in that setting.
There’s probably some poor omega with MCAS in an omegaverse world right now looking at their calendar, realizing their heat is coming up, and just sighing. And also bitterly listening to their friends and coworkers complain about their heat cycles.
Like oh, how sad for you, you get inconveniently horny for a week 🙄
Meanwhile they’re eating Benadryl like tictacs and hoping their asshole alpha neighbor is wearing their scent blockers because the last thing they need is alpha stink on top of it all. They’ve never actually met them, but they can smell them.
This leads to an unlikely meetcute after the alpha next door has to stick them with an epi pen in the elevator and ends up going with them to the hospital.
When they find out the extent of what their omega neighbor is dealing with, it pings every protective instinct in their big stupid alpha brain in an entirely non-horny way.
Inexplicably they find themselves looking up low histamine recipes at 2am and showing up a few days later with hopeful offerings that won’t cause flares.
They start a fight with the landlord over the laundry facilities needing to be fragrance free and win. When people ignore the fragrance free rules (required to be upheld by ADA, btw) they start camping out in the laundry room and growling at anyone who brings a single scented bead into the space.
The instinct to protect goes so far that they show up one day with a hepa filter vacuum like “hey, do you mind if I just…” gesturing vaguely at the omegas apartment, and the omega watches in total bafflement from their allergy friendly nest as the alpha goes to absolute town on their apartment.
It’s only then that they realize they can’t smell them anymore, and realize the alpha has been wearing the strongest scent blockers on the market and the omega realizes, oh, oh, and goes all hot and squiggly all over that for once isn’t an allergic reaction.
It’s not lust. But it might just very much be love.
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gor3sigil · 10 months ago
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Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.
I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.
Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.
I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.
5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.
I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.
I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.
I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.
I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.
I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.
But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.
I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.
It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.
If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.
Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.
It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.
You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.
Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.
Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.
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tender-rosiey · 8 months ago
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from me to you — gojo satoru x f!reader
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a/n: this takes place in chapter 268, soo sort of spoilers ahead? also long live gojo satoru; gojo leaves you a letter 🙏
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“y/n-sensei, there is a letter for you as well!”
that catches your attention, and you look up at the first years. you tilt your head slightly, and yuuji hands you an envelope.
you gently take it from him, and the first thing you notice is “wifey” written on it then the doodle of satoru with his blindfold on. you feel your throat tighten, and your hands shake slightly.
you let out a small breath then shakily open the letter.
hey, honey!!
it first reads.
I feel like there is still much I didn’t tell you in our last meeting, so here I, your beautiful and handsome husband, am writing them down.
you swallow lightly, and a small smile appears on your face as you imagine satoru saying that, then you continue to the next line.
first, I changed all your computer passwords to variations of “satoruisthebest” at one point. your confusion was so cute!!
you quirk an eyebrow at the admission, but when you rack your brain, you remember that one day when you couldn’t log into your computer.
what you vividly remember was satoru being sat beside you the whole time, and now that you think about it. he was smiling so widely the entire time, letting out small chuckles every now and then. oh, that sneaky man.
“satoru, I am telling you it’s broken!”
“sweetheart, we spent over 2000$ on that. if it broke, then we could easily sue the company,” he chuckled, arm wrapping around your shoulder and pulling you closer.
“2 year guaranteed top performance my ass!”
you smile at the memory. it was pretty satoru of him to do that. your eyes then move to continue reading.
second, there are times when I would tell megumi that you would be coming with me, then he would turn and leave me when he found out I was tricking him.
your eyes glance up at said boy who is sat across of you. he made it out alive, despite everything. he suffered so much, but he made it.
it makes you relieved, and you can imagine satoru being bloody proud of him and saying something along the lines of ‘you handed sukuna’s ass to him, very cool!’
no matter how much megumi had frowned and grimaced at satoru’s presence or antics. it rooted itself as something—safe and familiar.
you can’t count on your hands the times when you and satoru would visit the siblings, and nobody really said it, but these meetings did all of you a favor, a chance to kind of wind down. maybe act like death might actually not be looming tomorrow.
it feels like just yesterday when megumi would cling to you when he got really sad or nervous, after so much time spent getting comfortable with each other.
he grew up well, you think, eyes gliding to next.
third, I hid your uniform every two to three weeks, so you have to stay with me.
at that, your eyes widen a bit. satoru’s schedule was pretty packed, but he somehow managed to squeeze time for quality time between you two.
it tugged on your heartstrings, and you made sure he knew how much you appreciated it, not a single space on his face left without a kiss. however, finding out that he went out of his way to make you rest and stay.
satoru’s care really showed in his actions, and you feel like this is the biggest proof of it.
“satoru, have you seen my uniform?”
“nope! maybe, it is a sign to stay home today? you’ve been working so hard, wifey!”
you cupped his face, pulled him down to your height, and kisses his cheek, “you’ve been working harder, ‘toru. let me take off some of the load at least.”
“we could both stay!”
“you’re kidding, right?”
“I already told yaga; I miss you!”
you try to stop the reminiscing further and try to compose yourself before reading the rest.
fourth, I’m the one who kept adjusting the thermostat. I just wanted an excuse to cuddle.
a fond yet melancholy smile appears on your face. you kinda figured that one out. satoru’s favorite pastime was cuddling, so it’s no surprise that he would go out of his way to create the need for it even further.
add to that, once you went to get some green tea and saw him from the corner of your eye teleport to the thermostat, click something, then teleport back to bed.
you figured that the room being chilly that night was not an exception in the middle of july.
“babeeee, it’s so cold! let’s cuddle!”
“maybe the problem is with the thermostat?”
“I checked! I think cuddling is the best solution.”
you giggle as you recall the moment, one of many similar. your heart feels a bit lighter as you go through the letter. something satoru managed to always do even in person.
he would plaster sticky notes, get you trinkets, and even pull pranks on other just to see you smile. feeling more encouraged, you keep on reading the letter.
then you feel your chest constrict so tightly that you might just throw up.
fifth, I am really gonna fucking miss you.
you read the line over again, and you purse your lip in hopes of silencing any noise that may come out as you feel the lump in your throat return, even worse than before. your breathing starts getting more difficult.
your grip on the letter tightens, and you find yourself thinking back to the good times. memories of late nights spent in each other’s arms, thinking about everything and nothing at once.
hushed whispers of confessions and quiet giggles as you reminisced on your highschool days. tight hugs when recalling the sad moments and the departure of a certain someone.
“you know, y/n, I think we might just be made for each other,” he said one night. you hummed and looked him in the eyes.
“three am thoughts?”
“three am admissions,” he grins slightly, “I am made for you, and you’re made for me.”
you remember him pulling you closer and kissing your forehead, while you teased, “and what would you need little old me for, so much that I got made?”
he feigns thinking then closes his eyes, burying his face in your shoulder, “grounding me.”
I love you. I really do, but you should know that already, right?
your eyes drift down to the corner of the paper, and that is when you feel your tears start free-falling. there is drawn a chibi satoru besides a chibi you and between them is a heart.
the chibi satoru is giving yours a big smooch, while she laughs. you never thought that the day your jealousy burns would be because of drawings, and drawings of you and your own husband, nonetheless.
“but wow, gojo-sensei is shit at writing letters,” you hear nobara remark.
megumi responds with a small chuckle, “I am fine with mine.”
“what about you, y/n-sensei?—”
the trio becomes silent as you let out a sob. a watery smile makes its way up your face as you kiss the letter gently and murmur, “so shitty.”
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sharlsworld · 7 months ago
Text
༘˚⋆𐙚。⋆ horn dog - 𝐂𝐒𝟓𝟓 ⚘
( 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝗅𝗈𝗌 𝗌𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗓 𝗑 𝗐𝗂𝖿𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 )
( 𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒 )𝖼𝖺𝗋𝗅𝗈𝗌 𝗌𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗓 𝗂𝗌 𝖺 𝗅𝗈𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌.𝗁𝖾𝗌 𝖺 𝗌𝗈𝗇,𝗁𝗎𝗌𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽,𝖿𝖺𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋...𝗁𝗈𝗋𝗇𝗒
🝮
carlossainz55
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liked by pierregasly and 2,184,643 others
carlossainz55 I went golfing with Lando
charles_leclerc Very nice thank you for sharing with the class Carlos
yn yeah and he asked me to pack them lunch & cut the crusts off their sandwiches
⤷ landonorris what can i say? i’m a man who knows what he wants 🤷‍♂️
⤷ yn you cried and locked yourself in the bathroom when a bee landed on your shoulder last week
⤷ landonorris hey. it was a wasp alright
⤷ yn yes yes very manly
carlando y/n is so over this bromance
maxverstappen1 Very much hurt that I wasn’t invited.
⤷ yn the last time we went golfing the club flew out of your hands before you even touched the ball
⤷ maxverstappen1 Why am I catching strays?? 😨
yn cute. the hat, not you guys
⤷ carlossainz55 I love you too baby ❤️
⤷ yn get home now
⤷ carlossainz55 Yes ma’am
⤷ oscarpiastri Walk em like a dog sis walk em like a dog 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
⤷ carlossainz55 Don’t make me block you again
⤷ oscarpiastri Again?
🝮
carlossainz55
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liked by fernandoalo_oficial and 3,379,802 others
carlossainz55 Date night with my one and only ❤️
georgerussell63 Oh jeez here comes baby #3. Brace yourselves everyone
danielricciardo Okay who let them out for dinner unsupervised?
scuderiaferrari Betting 500$ that it’s gonna be another boy.
⤷ mclaren Get your money in order.
⤷ f1 This is inappropriate behavior. Jk I’m betting on another boy
⤷ carlossainz55 ??
⤷ f1 And if I said twins then what?
⤷ carlossainz55 ???????
landonorris be expecting a pregnancy reveal in about 3 weeks everyone.
⤷ yn well just fuck me then i guess
⤷ carlossainz55 I did?
charles_leclerc Leave that poor girl alone Carlos goodness gracious
pierregasly Lets keep this PG carlos
⤷ carlossainz55 You cannot be talking
⤷ pierregasly You right you right 🐶
alex_albon you dirty dog 😏
⤷ georgerussell63 No. Not the vibes
⤷ alex_albon oh…
alex_albon is anyone else getting hot? 🌶️🥵
⤷ georgerussell63 Just stop trying. It’s getting sad
⤷ alex_albon alright then!
🝮
yn
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liked by sunisalee and 7,826,917 others
yn 💌
landonorris wait a damn minute
georgerussell63 Very confuzzled
pierregasly Teach me your ways Carlos
alex_albon does bro have super sperm??
landonorris your already pregnant??
⤷ yn BEEN 😇 that picture carlos posted was from 4 months ago
⤷ landonorris i feel very betrayed right now
⤷ landonorris THIS IS WHY WE HAVENT BEEN HANGING OUT? 💔💔
⤷ yn well we can hangout now
⤷ landonorris ok i’m coming over
♥︎ by author
lewishamilton Congratulations you two!! I’m so happy for you guys 💙
alexandrasaintmleux Hardest secret to keep 😫 So happy we can finally have our shopping dates back
⤷ carlossainz I’m not. You guys go out everyday
francisca.cgomes cutest ever 🥹🥹 i’m so excited for baby sainz #3 <33
lilymhe Hottest mommy 😉🩷 i love u all
carmenmmundt Congratulations pretty lady I’m so happy for you and your family 🩵
charles_leclerc HAHAHAH I’VE KNOWN SINCE DAY 1 YOURE ALL LOSERS
landonorris CHARLES AND ALEX KNEW ME BEFORE ME?!?!?!? CHARLES IS SUCH A BIG MOUTH THOUGH
5 minutes ago
landonorris i’m turing around right now. i just need a minute to process this.
5 minutes ago
landonorris ok i’ve processed this i’m standing outside open the door
4 minutes ago
🝮
carlossainz55
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carlossainz55 The past week
alex_albon big back big back, carlos ate all the big mac’s 😍🌶️🥵😇
⤷ georgerussell63 Alex please
yn oooh hey fattie 🫶🏽
⤷ carlossainz55 Hello baby 😘❤️
francisca.cgomes baby emilio 🩵🩵
charles_leclerc I think carlos jr jr and emilio want to have another sleepover with leo and uncle charlie 😇
landonorris yum 😋 not the pizza, you 😉
scuderiaferrari Our favorite family ❤️
⤷ yn clearly not
⤷ yn who said that?
alexandrasaintmleux This is the most unaesthetic post I’ve ever seen
⤷ carlossainz55 Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today
⤷ carlossainz55 Hold on are you saying my wife isn’t aesthetic?? And my son?? How dare you
⤷ alexandrasaintmleux No y/n and emilio are always aesthetic I’m saying you don’t know how to put the right pictures together
⤷ carlossainz55 I don’t want to hear it
lilymhe only here for my girl and the babies
⤷ carlossainz55 You’re girl??
⤷ lilymhe yes MY girl 😂
⤷ charlos4eva carlos is always fighting for his life in the comments
hoeforsainzzz y/n still being salty is so real
all4lando what i would do to be that piece of pizza isn’t okay 😫😫
operationsainz55 i’ve missed lando always being with them 🥹
sharls_leclercussy baby emilio appearance!! now we need baby los
georgerussell63 Emilio did NOT want to hand that flower over
⤷ alex_albon “emy just pretend like your giving me the flower okay?”
⤷ carlossainz55 You two are the BIGGEST haters I know. BIGGEST if yk what I mean 🐽🐽
⤷ georgerussell63 What are you trying to say Carlos?
⤷ carlossainz55 I’m say you guys are fatties, might wanna cut back on the drinks, you girls are getting beer bellies
⤷ georgerussell63 How dare you, you bastard. I do not drink beer.
charles_leclerc Biggie & biggie jr ❤️
🝮
yn
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liked by meretmanon and 2,234,890 others
yn i love you nyc
alexandrasaintmleux We need a girls trip to nyc
⤷ yn omg yes i’m already writing ideas in my notes app
⤷ alexandrasaintmleux Already making a mood board
⤷ carlossainz55 We’ll be back in December everyone
⤷ alexandrasaintmleux we?
⤷ yn as in me and alex?
⤷ carlossainz55 Wow
⤷ charles_leclerc Wow
landonorris me and the boys just got done absolutely demolishing some dino nuggets
⤷ yn that sounds very fun lando thank you for sharing with us
⤷ alex_albon they left you guys at the hotel? 😭
⤷ landonorris no they shipped me and the babies back to monaco to have some “alone time” if yk what i mean
⤷ georgerussell63 The baby doesn’t get hurt?
⤷ maxverstappen1 I don’t think it’s big enough to reach 😂
⤷ carlossainz55 Excuse me? I’ll let you know that I have bruised her cervix many times
⤷ landonorris Carlos sainz are you saying your saying you rough up your wife? 🫢 you dirty dog
⤷ alex_albon oh so he can say it but not me?
⤷ carlossainz55 What can I say she likes it that way
⤷ georgerussell63 You don’t need to be big to bruise someone’s cervix
⤷ carlossainz55 Tell that to her belly bulge
⤷ alex_albon and how would you know that George Russell? 🤨
⤷ georgerussell63 Google ho 🤣
⤷ oscarpiastri who is this DIVA💜
⤷ lewishamilton Wow sometimes I forget your not a middle aged man
⤷ oscarpiastri Like you? 🤣🤣 might be time to hang up the helmet old man💀 and rookie Alonso
⤷ fernandoalo_oficial What he say fuck me for??
⤷ yn idk leave me alone
scuderiaferrari Hope you all are having the best time in NYC ❤️
⤷ mclaren Read the fucking room?
⤷ redbullracing Ooh someone took the lead and don’t know how to act 🙄
⤷ mercedesamgf1 I HATE YOU ALL
⤷ f1 ho is u coo?
🝮
landonorris
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landonorris life as a single mom
BEING A MOM IS A JOB TO GUYS!!
yn oh shut your face
⤷ landonorris can you not yell?? i just put the boys to bed jeez
⤷ yn are you being cereal right now 😐
⤷ landonorris someone didn’t get d down last night
⤷ yn i’m gonna punch you in the throat when i get back to monaco
⤷ landonorris carlos!! control your woman!
⤷ carlossainz55 No thanks she scares me 🥰
⤷ landonorris at least give her some of that d man
⤷ carlossainz55 She’s been gettin it trust
⤷ yn why is our sex life always the topic of conversation??
⤷ carlossainz55 Bitches wish they were us
⤷ landonorris ooh we love a sassy man 💋
⤷ yn what is wrong with you
⤷ landonorris please don’t use that tone with me i’m feeling very sensitive right now
⤷ yn aww is it that time of the month
⤷ landonorris i’m the sweetest girl in town so why are you sooo mean? 💔😞🖤😖
oscarpiastri They always look like they just got back from war after being with you for more then 24 hours
charles_leclerc Let’s pray you don’t have kids until your at least 30
⤷ yn you’re*
⤷ oscarpiastri you’re*
⤷ lewishamilton you’re*
⤷ alexandrasaintmleux you’re*
⤷ landonorris your*
⤷ landonorris fuck i can’t do anything right
⤷ charles_leclerc I GET IT DAMN
⤷ charles_leclerc hahaha lando go back to school
⤷ landonorris you coming with me genius?
⤷ charles_leclerc damn
danielricciardo Now why would they trust you with two kids under 5
⤷ landonorris you’d be surprised with how much they trust me with…that’s right guys i know their dirty secrets 😏🍆🍑
⤷ carlossainz55 I’ll spill all your dirty secrets if you spill any of my dirty secrets
⤷ geogrerussell63 How are you guys getting that font??
⤷ landonorris it’s a secret
🝮
yn
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liked by oliviajade and 4,769,106 others
yn surprise surprise,
mathéo & malachi 🤍 our little miracles
alexandrasaintmleux So much love 🤍 I’m obsessed with them already 🥰🥰
landonorris two more godsons to love 💙
f1 What did I say? Congratulations you two we are all so happy for your family 💙💙
carmenmmundt How precious 🥹🥹
alex_albon so what i’m hearing is carlos DOES have super sperm?
lilyzneimer sweet angel babies 🤍🤍
scuderiaferrari Does this mean we get 1000?? 😁😁
⤷ mclaren I was jking I knew it was gonna be a boy
⤷ f1 Hahahaha you have to pay both of us now 😂🫵🏽
francisca.cgomes so much boys ��🩵🩵 i can’t wait to meet them 🥹
lewishamilton double trouble 💙💙💙 beautiful blessings truly
landonorris 4 is the best number 😏
⤷ yn don’t make me get pregnant again just to make it 5
⤷ landonorris gonna go cry in the bathroom brb
⤷ yn don’t come back ❤️
⤷ landonorris my heart can’t take this anymore
georgerussell63 You poor girl how are you surviving with all these boys??? 😦
⤷ yn i love my clingy boys
charles_leclerc Can’t wait to get them on the track
⤷ carlossainz55 You and me both brother
⤷ estiebestie i’m not okay
danielricciardo Congratulations on expanding your football team 💙
lilymhe milf 4x 😉 in absolute awe of them 🩵
pierregasly Carlos Sainz the man that you are
carlossainz55 I love you and our sons more then life itself baby, I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone but you ❤️
⤷ landonorris SOMEBODY SEDATE ME
⤷ maxverstappen1 Come on grandpa, let’s get you back to bed
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