#I csnt even be around people without just thinking about how they all hate me the entire time

[x-ladydisdain-x]

today was a very does anyone notice does anyone care et cetera et cetera kind of day however tomorrow will be better ! (I won’t talk to anyone)

[septic-9mil]

not gonna write abt it cuz thats gay as hell and i dint want to think about all my stupid fucking bullshit in class im good no thank you uhhdbf ignrir this cuz im just gonna vent so yeah ifnore my ramblr

[imasimpleguy]

Feel like a huge piece of shit. I’ve once again been dragged into a situation where I’m just gonna lose indefinitely, how can a woman throw themselves at me for so long only to switch on me so quick even though we are housemates and known eachother for 10 years only to blame it on the facf that we are fucking which is bullshit everhthing was fine until 2 days ago what the fuck happened I’m so over it I’m so over the mind games of I’m a fucking idiot I’m a useless cunt then you tell me to come cuddle you on my bed that we moved into the loungeroom. I feel cheated out of something good again and even though she was was planning on leaving anyways which I was fine with I was happily accepting of the fact that we could rnjoy this last month together I thought we’d be a team but you make it out like I’m against you like I hate you or you hate me or something it fuxking sucks and I can’t wait for this lease for end you’re my best friend in the entire world and yet right now I don’t want to be anywhere near you how do you think that feels especially when I’m pulled on the side of loving you to absolute bits what am I meant to do you say we aren’t gonna fuck anymore and yet I’ve only ever made the move to fuck you once but you’re the one making all the moves showing all the public affection I’m clearly worried about how people perceive you and us together as friends but I don’t think you care at all about whether we are friends or not I don’t know what to do anymore it feels like I’m running around in circles we bicker during the day we get really close at night and we cuddle it makes me feel so conflicted in one side I want to say no and I don’t want to continue that attention but at the same time I crave your touch and being with you and being around you and it’s hard being pushed away like this you say I’m you critique me but you’re being mean and it hurts me alot that I let it get to me because I shouldn’t it’s just y own stupid thought pattern that puts me in this position every time I can’t help myself anyone who shows some attention I get attached and I fuck it all up every time without doubt I’m just waiting for this to hit the boiling point and we’re gonna have a big argument but I don’t want that I’m not a fighter I don’t want to throw words I need to talk about issues evens if I’m not good at them I’m trying to get better at it but it’s hard i csnt just flip my switch overnight and be a better person if I fucking could I would but that’s not how this goes unfortunately and unfortunately it won’t go my way like I said Im in the lose lose situation where something good gets stripped away from me you say things that cut straight through to me and it hurts alot and I wish things were different so I didn’t have to stress about this

[bagelbussin]

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!

you know what’s really fucking annoying? the fact that whatever i eat stays in my body i gain weight after every single thing i eat it never comes out and it makes me so fucking mad why does my body do this to me idk well i fucked it up but i’m trying to be better and fix it and eat BUT IT ALL J STAYS IN MY BODY. i hate the way i look please the guilt i have around eating food is unreal if my body were to just maybe digest the food i eat properly i wouldn’t have panic attacks almost every time i eat. yk what it feels like no one really cares except for jade hi if ur reading this but besides her no one could give less of a fuck about me and it’s okay i know i’m a lot to deal with i know it’s tiring being friends with me BELIEVE ME I KNOW. i live with myself everyday i know don’t you worry!!!!!!! i think my friends are tried of me and that’s okay i understand it i just idk feel alone and tired and fucking depressed. idk man everything fuckinf hurts and it’s so exhausting being alive. so many of my friends would be better off without me in their life it’s the truth and i just have to face it ya the truth hurts just deal with it you pathetic wining bitch. the other night i sent A LOT of nudes to this random guy i sent him everything he asked for and i don’t even know why i did it i didn’t feel any sorts of good after that why did i do it it’s all i can think about i mean i can’t go back in time and change what happened but i’m really fucking stupid ugh. i feel like no one cares until im on the edge of killing myself which is how it always is but idk i’m really sad and mad and did i mention how much i hate the way i look like i look at myself and immediately start balling why can’t i look like anyone but me i don’t even care about how much i weigh i just wanna look skinnier but nothing is fucking working i wanna die genuinely wanna die am i gonna kms? no i csnt do that to sky boi the amount of trauma that would give her i can’t do it but will i fantasize about it? fuck yeah. i just wanna take a bunch of pills and sleep for fucking ever. that would be so nice or just cutting so deep it doesn’t even hurt and just bleeding out the funny thing is my friends wouldn’t even know if i died or ended up in the hospital. they don’t talk to my parents so they wouldn’t know i wonder if they’d even react to that i feel like they’d be numb or sad for a while and then just get over it cus what else are u supposed to do im not gonna just come to life again. everyone would be mad at me if i killed myself but it wouldn’t rly matter cus id be dead. i saw somewhere that if shit i forgot what it said idk like yeah i actually wanna die im j not gonna do it. when i was at my lowest lowest i’d send audio messages ranting to my friends and no one listened or responded to them which i’m not mad at them for cus they’re not obligated to listen to that and they also have shit going on but god i felt so fucking alone it was a miserable few weeks. i think im gonna stop ranting to my friends cus at this point im so fucked up in the head they don’t even know what to say anymore they probably just find it annoying. im 9 days clean thats fucking sad. people go through such shit compared to me i feel like i can’t even complain. i wonder how different i would’ve been if i continued taking anti depressants. would i be happy nah probably just numb asf. i mean when i took them i felt really impulsive but i wasn’t sad which is better right? idk my mom said i was acting like i was manic and my psychiatrist said that i might be bipolar my depression just overpowers my mania or it’s stronger idfk i don’t think i’m bipolar i don’t have any trama that would like idk wait i really don’t think i’m bipolar no im definitely not sometimes i j get really impulsive and as my family would call me “crazy”. which is fair like what normal bitch bangs their head against the wall 50 fucjing times?? haha me. it’s so funny i feel like everyone’s given up on me cus im just too much so they’ve given up. they haven’t left me and i hope they never do god please im so stressed i have so much