#but for myself personally i prefer not to lose sight of the fact that they are *people*.

[proto-language]

been thinking about how weird i have been feeling about the king's cancer diagnosis. and i had been wondering, 'am i wrong for feeling strange and sad about this when the family at the heart of it are the centre of this awful system?'

and i think that, actually, this is just another part of what makes the system terrible. of course it is, first and foremost, exploitative of the people - of the united kingdom, of the wider commonwealth, of the many other places which were touched by the british imperial project. but it is exploitative also of the people around whom it is designed. for whom a cancer diagnosis is not a private tragedy, but a public affair. whose actions and appearances are noticed, reported, scrutinised. what does this mean for harry and william's relationship? - where is the king staying during his treatment? - how is he going to meet with the prime minister?

nobody wins, i think, while the royal family remain royal. certainly some are losing more severely than others. charles will have access to the best possible care for his condition while millions languish on nhs waiting lists. but this doesn't feel like any sort of victory to me.

[nebbyy]

Can I request king Baldwin being jealous I just would want to see how it everything would go down 🤔🤔

King Baldwin x reader - Jealousy

A/N: uuuuh I like this concept!! I can't lie it was pretty hard imagining him being jealous, especially since I myself wouldn't even look in other men's direction have I had Baldwin next to me😩😩.

Anyway, hope you like my interpretation of your prompt :))

Painting is "A Midsummer Night's Dream - Hermian and Lysander" by John Simmons by the way :))

Warning: angst, jealousy and talks of insecurity. Reader is specifically described as being female!

I think it's common knowledge at this point that Baldwin is a man of many virtues, who likes to act guided by reason, not by the heart

The only exception to this ironclad rule is, well, you. You're his beloved wife, the only woman who had ever walked this earth able to make him swoon and lose his collected reasoning, in the name of his love for you

In his eyes, you were the most beautiful creature God has created, and your virtues to him had to be honored and made an example to the rest of the world

He knew you really had not much choice in marrying him: after all, it was a political marriage. But the moment he saw your cheeks get warmer, your eyes avert his own and your breath hitching as he got closer to you

He couldn't fathom how he got so lucky to be worthy of even the slightest of your attention, let alone your love. It was something that he cherished like the holiest of relics, and he made sure to show it by showering you in gifts, spending every breathing moment he had as close to you as possible, learning your passions and hobbies and introducing you to his own

But as much as he loved to shower you in the affection you so much deserved, he remained a man whose mind reigned over every other part of him, and that meant that he knew that he wasn't easy to love, mainly because of his appearance

He wasn't unaware of the fact that his decayed face, his bandaged limbs, his sometimes showing wounds,.. they made people feel a sense of uneasiness, it even repulsed some at the mere sight of it

He knew that a pair of soft, full lips would be preferred by any reasonable woman over his own scarred and partly destroyed ones

He knew that a vigorous man, strong enough to fight and ride on his own, to carry you and protect you would be much preferred to his weakened, often bedridden, mangled body

And he also knew that it was the norm that in most forced weddings, infidelity was so normal that it was even romanticized by singers and poets

So as time went on and his condition worsened by the day, the dooming feeling in his mind that warned him about you possibly growing a liking to someone else started to become more and more present in his mind

Especially one time, when a dashingly handsome prince has just arrived to Jerusalem's court, and he seems that you have piqued his interest, for he seems to make it his personal mission to be as close to you as he possibly can

It's almost as if he's forgotten that you’re married to the king of the realm that is hosting him!

Baldwin first noticed a rather unusual demeanor from the prince on the first night that he's been there, when he started to make a never ending string of jokes, all in order to get a melodic laugh out of you

Then came the walk through the garden, where you usually went with your husband to unwind from your royal duties. And now there he was, this bumptious young prince that acted like he could win you over your own husband

It was right then and there that his own self deprecating tendencies left him to be replaced by a burning flame inside of him, the desire to publicly show your belonging to him and him alone

And so he took it upon himself to muster up all his strength in the following hours, before making his appearance in the main hall. Of course he knew he'd found you there, along with your suitor

Oh how his heart swelled when he saw your eyes, firstly semi-closed from the boredom the prince was causing you, light up at the sight of your husband entering the room

He confidently walked through the room until he was right in front of you, gently taking your hand in his and bringing it to his veiled mouth and holding it there for just a little longer than usual, while his celestial eyes never leaving your own

The simple action left you breathless, mostly because you'd never seen that fire within his stare before, yet in that moment he seemed to you as if he had been possessed by some sort of force that granted him such confidence

Breathing in the sight of you for just a little longer, he then turned his gaze to the prince, talking in a satisfied tone

"What a sight for sore eyes is my wife, am I right? I feel sorry for you that you can enjoy of her company for so little, but I'm afraid that she's needed somewhere else."

If you didn't know him any better, you wouldn't be able to comprehend that there's nowhere where you're needed at the moment other than your husband's arms, and you're glad to fill in the empty spot without hesitation

Because, let's be honest, you took this suitor's attentions as a tool to spur your husband, to test his devotion to you and his desire to have you all to himself. You wanted him to see you as not something gave for granted, no, he had to fight for you like the knights fighting in the name of the women they love in the jousts

And that he did, and you could swear that you have never in your short life have felt so loved and wanted as he picked you up midway through the hallway, smiling playfully at you as you lowered the veil off his face

"You're gonna make me have a run for your attentions, my dear. But I must inform you I'm not prone to sharing when it comes to my beloved wife"

You wouldn't want it to be any other way, as he gently laid you on your shared bed before joining you. And there you spend the rest of the day, after he'd called off both of your daily duties just so that he could have that time dedicated to just the two of you, to make a point of the tie between you two, that no man, much less prince, could ever break

So yes, at times Baldwin can become jealous because of his insecurities and your undeniable beauty, but his combative nature gives him the right spur to make him act on it, never letting anything get in his way

[agendabymooner]

colour me your colour || toto w. x ofc (1)

Summary: Tilly Marie nearly loses faith in her passion as she refuses to listen to everyone who told her to quit. Everyone but one. And it’s the man she met years ago at a racing event she didn’t want to attend. Who would have thought that her father’s partial ownership of three brands could take her to the zone of Mercedes and meet the love of her life?

Content warning: Age gap, mentions of an absence of a father figure, brief use of explicit language, mentions of nepotism. Fictional family and business involved (Hearth family and Hearth Automotives Group).

Note: I did a funny haha series. I literally just started on this yesterday. I'm writing the third part right now, hoping to work on this as much as possible. Again, I am still new to F1?? Please forgive me.

Enjoy! xx

i. what a beautiful sight that was

   It was the year 2006. The 21-year-old me did not want to attend on behalf of my father’s role to whatever this business was he was handling. I remember being extremely confident about walking up the stage to get my master's. 

I had always been told to be an intelligent girl. One that utilizes her skills in any way possible. Everyone praised me, and my maternal grandparents encouraged me to continue my education. My paternal grandparents expressed their admiration with a pat on the head and a kiss. My mother hugged me tightly and hung nearly every certificate I had captured. My father, however… he couldn’t get over the fact that he never had a son—one who would run the company someday and perhaps become a world champion. 

He lacked boys for his fatherhood experience, so he turned to me and set a list of expectations he had of me. He was still as healthy as ever. He could bench if he felt like it. But he still wanted to instill some responsibility in his companies and passed it on to me. 

But I earned my master's in Journalism and was halfway through my Bachelor's in Marketing. What did I know about motorsport? 

This didn’t mean anything to my father. He wanted me to handle the business and pass it off to the next person if needed. He just wanted his surname to remain known in the industry and public. He trusted me to handle particular areas that he thought I could do. 

But it was 2006, and I wasn’t given the responsibilities until years after. I was simply in Dubai to watch and entertain myself while cameras tried to get a glimpse of me—the Heiress. I was the next to become a shareholder in the businesses my father and grandfather (and his father) had put their money on. I was an eye candy—the strong woman of the Hearth family. And I was just in Dubai to watch men race lap after lap while they stayed there for hours, like mad men. 

And my father didn’t even tell me anything. I’ve only been exposed to observation. But my brain wasn’t made to be awake for a day, and my eyes preferred a piece of entertainment from my research paper. 

But my mind gave me a little nudge and turned my head to look at the man who’ll have me thinking for years. His helmet was on his side, his fingers tapping to keep him focused. He was tall. He was tall and handsome—a deadly combination.

The combination was too deadly, and I only realized this when he caught me looking. I hadn’t turned my head quite fast enough as I continued to examine and annotate my anecdotal record, pretending that my face wasn’t blushing.

It turned out he was just as intrigued as he was handsome. Fucking great. He sat across the chaise lounge I stiffly sat on, his smile I could barely see from my peripheral vision. 

Knowing he probably wouldn’t leave, I stopped pretending I was studying and looked up only to see his lips spread in amusement. His smile. Oh god. Couldn’t this man be the perfect man to have existed?

“You’re not here to study,” he chuckled softly, “Because you’d be in the wrong place otherwise.” 

Of course, I hadn’t passed up the chance to roll my eyes jokingly. 

The conversation lasted forever, and not once did he gloss over the screens to see how his team was doing at the track. He listened to me as I complained about the research I had to do for book publications. He wondered how I’d gotten through my master's at 21. Then he decided to guess while I provided my answer too.

“You’re gifted.”

“Generational wealth.” 

Then silence filled the atmosphere as if we could only hear the people talk in the background. My laughter after the pause made his mouth grin as he silently laughed. One of us was more biased than the other, I thought to myself. My success at school came from the high 90s that I achieved. My family's money made it easier for me to get in without any trouble with tuition. 

But the conversation didn’t last as long as I thought it would have, as someone who wore the same racing suit came barging at the door. The man frantically gestured for my company to follow him. 

He looked at me, his eyes keeping me in one place as I shifted. He could only say, “It was nice talking to you.” 

And all I could offer him was a stutter of, “Y- yeah, a pleasure to meet you. Y- your name is…” 

But his teammate beat him to it before he could utter his name. “Torger!” 

Then he looked at me again with a brief nod as he walked out of the room. 

He was a lovely man. There’s nothing nicer than an equally attractive and genuine man. I liked every single second that I spent with him. And I’ve only known him for fifteen minutes. 

And that remained as that. We’ve only known each other for fifteen minutes. When they announced the race winners, I was already on my flight back to England. I was already reporting to my father about what I saw. 

I told him about what I saw and experienced. But never once did I say to him about a driver of the winning team and how I’ve practically fallen for him. Because I haven’t fallen, he was just lovely. 

What a beautiful sight he was. 

[hana-bobo-finch]

shepherd’s dialogue on base:

Bernard is an excellent pilot, and yet even with him at the helm, we crashed. The cause is still a mystery…but I can’t help thinking something drew us here.

Yonny is an extremely avid reader, and his untiring spirit of academic curiosity is something to be admired. The problem is…he prefers paper books to digital ones and has boxes upon boxes of them shipped to us every week back at HQ.

You can rest assured that during a rescue mission, problems will arise that can’t be solved alone. When that happens, don’t hesitate to turn to your fellow officers. We’re a team here. Don’t forget that.

When this mission is over, take some time off. And take Oatchi along with you. He could use a bit of fun too. There’s a big park near HQ. it’s a lovely spot and has a nice dog run, to boot.

When Yonny is focused on concocting one of his new medicines, he forbids us from entering the ship’s lab. You wouldn’t believe that sounds of maniacal laughter that comes out of there. We just plug our ears and pay it no mind.

After talking with Bernard…HOOO, you can’t HELP but pick up the way he speaks! Gah! See what I mean?!

That wireless transceiver Collin uses…it’s quite an antique. It was passed down to him by his grandfather. Needless to say, it’s very important to him. Whenever it breaks, he replaces the parts himself and just keeps on using it.

Dingo is an ace of a ranger. And yes, he likes to conduct rescue operations on his own…But if you hit an obstacle, don’t hesitate to call for help. He’ll support you without fail.

I guess Bernard as part of some “dynamic duo” back home…and that has something to do with him becoming a pilot?

I’ve been thinking…when this mission is over, I should write a book about it. I’ve even decided on a title. Rescue Pup Training: A Mission Like No Other!

There’s a limit to the amount of cargo a spaceship can carry. That means the Rescue Officers have to learn to travel light. So imagine my surprise when Yonny tried to bring 27 shelves FULL of books. “Digital books,” I told him. “That’s an order!”

Bernard’s a superb pilot, but when you look at his resume…Well, he’s done so much you’d think he could be almost anything.

I invited Dingo to dinner once as a reward for all of his hard work. He went bright red in the face, then fainted right there on the spot. It was the strangest thing! I think perhaps I’ll try again after this mission is over. Surely he’s feeling much better by now.

Little known fact: Russ always wears a lab coat under his space suit. Why? “I am a researcher first and foremost!” he says. For this mission, his mother gifted him 64 new lab coats. You wouldn’t believe how much room they take up in the ship.

Bernard may seem like he’s irresponsible, but when he sits down in the cockpit, he’s all focus. Behind that boisterous personality of his, he’s a meticulous flying machine, pulling off maneuvers precise to a millisecond.

You’ve made yourself into an indispensable Rescue Officer, haven’t you? The work is hard, but the rewards…they’re BIG, eh?

I hear that ever since Collin was little. He’s spent all of his free time tinkering with machines. When he joined the Rescue Corps, he was already a highly skilled comms operator.

I consider myself real lucky to have a scientific genius like Russ around. There’s just…one problem. I have no idea what’s he’s talking about half the time. I find it best to just nod approvingly. Seems to make him feel good.

It’s not just Oatchi—the Pikmin really seem to have taken to you too. I guess I’ve gotten used to them at this point, but if I’m being honest…Rescue Pup training suits me a whole lot better.

“There’s no better judge of character than a dog.” That’s the Shepherd family motto, passed down through the generations.

“The best-laid plans often go awry.” As a captain, that’s something I never lose sight of. Once a captain has given a Rescue Officer their mission, there’s nothing to be don’t but hope you’ll see that officer again.

Russ’s passion of research is admirable, but when he leaves his equipment all over the ship, it’s a real problem. I keep telling him it’s a danger for takeoff and landing. He keeps telling me I should bring his mother to clean up behind him!

[blackstar5078]

EC!Wither Character Post!

Because I've been wanting to do this now that the angstier aspect of her character has come to light, or some of it :D

First of all, a drawn reference to help artists out there:

This was made back in 2023, and was also the reference I used when I made her skin/CPM model, so... She is a character that I have thought out for a while now gkbgj.

Here are some design notes that I left for the peeps at the Discord too:

You also get the behind of her skin without the cape:

She has holes on the back for the wings.

And you can get a look to her bloody skin for day 10's lore, but under the cut since the blood will be more noticeable ofc.

Next, I want to leave here fun facts about her character, design and lore!

First of, here's the bloody skin:

And here are the fun facts :D.

☆ She was created after everything I liked/found more interesting elements of Minecraft, tbh xD.

Always loved the Wither as a concept and wished it was used for more than additional boss battle or a Nether Star source. And I love the concept of Soulfire/blue fire in general too, in addition to thinking that the Nether is a very cool place.

☆ Color-wise, she's moreso based on a Wither Storm from Minecraft Storymode than a vanilla Wither. Because purple.

☆ Said that, in theory, Wither could have some kind of bersek mode similar to the Wither Storm, but that would be a pain to model lol.

☆ I always thought that the cubitos that looked like demonic creatures with claws and glowing eyes were the coolest ones, so that's the approach I took while designing her. She's not a demon, she just has the vibes of creature.

☆ The Enderman is my favorite Minecraft mob, actually hkbgjh. I think they are the most interesting mobs with their mechanics, behaviour, powers and design.

The reason why I implemented them into my character as this genuine fear is a bit funny: While playing Minecraft, I always try to stay away from the endermen and make sure to not anger them, because I really don't want to kill them myself, plus, in-game, they are terrifying to deal with for me when in hostile with all the teleporting and the sounds it makes, so I end up not being as quick or willing to react when an enderman is around.

So I decided to use that OOC behaviour of mine as PTSD reaction for my character in a way that makes sense 👍.

☆ I created her background lore in a way that it would not conflict with smp lore, regardless of what would happen there.

☆ Originally, her main weapon would be a scythe, but when they're not available, she uses OP bows since that is also my favorite and preferred way of attacking in Minecraft OOC.

☆ Her wings quite literally spawn and despawn, it's magic.

☆ Personally believed the Hulk type of characters are fun to deal with as a writer, which is why Wither is one in a way (I would not call it another persona of hers when she loses it, she just turns feral and kills on sight).

☆ She growls and roars like creature while on this status instead of talking, ye.

☆ Only Nether elements and Soulfire are not enough to trigger this, otherwise it would happen all the time (girl wears Netherite armor and it has Soulfire into it). This status also depends on her emotions.

When Bluebell died in the Nether, a lot of negative and strong emotions consumed Wither. By the time she was heading to the Nether portal with wishes to destroy it, she wasn't thinking clearly anymore, and once she was in range of it, is when these powers and status activated fully (and the village nearby payed for it).

☆ Yes, she fistfought an Iron Golem and won. (The Iron Golem caused her only two injuries on the bloody skin, though) (The abdomen and head ones).

☆ Soul and Fire are like, the most on the nose clue about her past with their names. Just put them together in the order I mentioned them gkvgjh.

☆ Soul is the little head on her right. Fire is the little head on her left. (Using the drawn reference I attached here to avoid confusion too: On your left is Soul and on your right is Fire).

☆ Both of them have their own personalities, but overall are way more untrustful of the world and people around them than Wither is. It takes a bit to gain that trust and willing to talk to you.

☆ They can't speak by themselves, but Wither has mind link to them and hears them on her head. She communicates what they want to say for them.

☆ You only have seen them communicate since day 12 because they now started to trust Bluebell enough for it.

☆ I always had in mind that Wither's story and character arc on any smp would be way better if she happened to take care of a little baby creature. Yes, I am so glad that Bluebell exists gkbfkg.

☆ She canonically only traveled and walked to where they live now, she was not a planned individual to be there. This is worth to mention considering recent and future lore.

☆ She's aroace 👏.

☆ Mat, the person who she talked about at the beginning and even wrote a letter to, is my boyfriend's cubito. They don't have the same in-character relationship as us OOC, but he does care a lot for her.

And your prize for coming this far into the post, it's a playlist that I will be updating along with the plot. The playlist was made with her background lore in mind <3.

I am exposing my musical tastes right now /silly.

Hope you enjoy it! ♡

[moonspirit]

whats ur opinion on eremika??

Hi anon!

Oh Eremika, I love Eremika T^T In fact when I started AoT all those years ago, they were my first ship before Aruani haha xD Still love them, I cried buckets during the finale.

What I like the most about them is how Mikasa's love for Eren "grows" in emotional maturity between S1 and S4. Not to say it was ever immature or childish per se, but she was young, she didn't want to lose him, and her protective side outshone her more vulnerable sides. As she says herself in S4, she refused to see Eren's violent streaks and preferred to picture him as the rosy heroic figure he appeared to be (and given her trauma, I don't blame her). Until this point honestly, Mikasa's unable to waver on her stand of bringing Eren back alive. Through the story though, and by the end of S4, Mikasa understands that she will always, always love Eren, but that this love does not hinder her perception of what is the right and wrong thing to do, which is why she's able to make the decision to kill him at all, imo.

As for Eren T^T Poor tortured boy, honestly, I can never bring myself to imagine the level of insanity he must've suffered in the paths (since time does not make sense there) but the way he treasured his two friends so much that he went ahead to destroy the world to ensure their safety always hits me in the heart very heavily. Armin and Mikasa were his only purpose and motivation through his nightmarish existence post-gaining all his memories, and he kept them so close to his heart, more than either of them will ever know tbh. Mikasa in particular, I think he always loved her but he was unable to ever express it because his rage at the world consumed most of his thoughts. From S1 to S4 though, he ends up accepting and relying on her more than he used to at first. It always makes me cry when I think of the fact that Mikasa is the very last person and sight he saw before his eyes closed permanently.

[lovings4turn]

𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐀 𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄 — send me a lil description of yourself + fandom(s) and i'll ship you with someone + give you your best friend !

hello love! first up, a huge congratulations once again for the milestone, i am very proud of you and you deserve all the follows you have and much more !! 🫶🫶🫶 now i have to describe myself, huh? here we go then! sending it from off-anon for funsies i guess !! 😭 you already know me though, so wellll... let's go for real!!

i'm dutch && indian, speaking upto five languages, and tend to ramble in any of those at any given time. (english; spanish; dutch; hindi; sindhi!) though, an odd catch is i do not speak until spoken to - yep, i'm that much of an introvert 😭 my bad, i guess? i do speak when comfortable with someone, of course! i have short dark brown hair, and unfortunately am very short, making me not look my age. i've been confused for my younger brother many times because of my voice, apparently it sounds like a child?? (oh my gosh, imagine the ship joking around about that! 😭) onto my likes, i love F1 and spending my time on pinterest as well as that, i love reading and frying my cells about STEM because women in stem ✌🏼but i also have adhd, so i can barely pay attention for long before mentally blocking out everything in sight. i love making things look pretty and playing games on my laptop. also, one weird thing is i can never sit to watch a movie - i don't have the attention span for it, nor can i sit still for that long, AND i always feel guilty for spending time watching a movie, because i feel like i could be productive. but.... i guess that's it about me? if anything, you can ask/my account is there at your viewing pleasure! :DD another congratulations love!!

EEEK hello my lovely !!! ruhi you truly are the sweetest ever , thank u sm and thank you for all of the love n support i swear :(( thanks so much for joining in w the celebration lovely ,, i hope you like this !!!

𝐢'𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐬 !

now i did have a bit of a struggle trying to choose just one driver to ship you with , but lando won in the end for me !! i just think you two would be oh so cute together , and are a match made in heaven !

ᡣ𐭩 lando loves how you're shorter than him , oh my god does he love it !!! he's such a little shit about it , constantly resting his elbow on top of your head or joking that he's going to do his back in one day bending down to kiss you ! the first time he witnesses you be mistaken for your younger brother , he loses his absolute mind . thinks it's the funniest thing he's ever seen , and presses a kiss to your pout through his laughter . he never lets you live it down , i'm afraid

ᡣ𐭩 so so impressed by the fact that you're a woman in stem ! lando cannot wrap his head around most , if not all , of the things that you study , and any time he peers over you're shoulder when you're reading a textbook , he eels his brain turn to mush . is always telling you how smart you are and how proud of you he is , because his girl is so smart and he's so proud !!!

ᡣ𐭩 you guys love playing games together , oh my god !!! lando likes that he can spend time with the person he loves most whilst doing something he loves , too ! you both get far too invested in the game , and are teasingly competitive with one another , and lando thinks it's the best way to spend his time !

ᡣ𐭩 lando doesn't mind that you don't have the attention span to sit and watch a film - he much prefers being able to do something more active / engaging with you , anyways !!!! lando loves being busy and on the move , so it works out perfectly for him

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐱 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧 !

ᡣ𐭩 this makes so much sense to me , and i love the idea of max being besties with lando's gf okay !!! max loves that he can speak dutch with you , something about not having to do the quick mental translations means he can max-splain and yap to you as much as he wants !! he makes an effort to engage in conversation with you whenever he sees you , even though he knows you're comfy enough to spark the conversation

ᡣ𐭩 he understands you , with the whole 'always feeling the need to be productive' thing . max is a guy who always wants to be doing something (hence his inability to get off of the sim !!!) and so this idea is something you can both bond over and joke about

ᡣ𐭩 also very intrigued about your studies !! max finds the whole thing super engaging , and though he says he wouldn't have a clue about anything you're studying , he has no issues with you rambling about the subject to him - or just straight up complaining about the amount of hard work you have to do !

[mla0]

Do patbit for the ship bingo. For fun

I hate being a hater I love minding my own business and not being an asshole about what people like. I also think the divorced at first sight headcanons are very funny. I do not like passionately disliking the things people enjoy and find fun.

So I have to apologize for what I'm about to say

Every time I am reminded of it I lose a year of my life. The fact that you even mentioned it to me is an affront to every God from every religion.

It's what we in the gang call a NOTP. I have a parasocial level hatred for this ship and I am going to blow myself up. You do you and I have no hate in my heart if you do ship it, none of this comes from a place of morality or what's "ethical" in a ship and it's very easy for me to avoid, I just hate it. I hate it so much you will never understand the sheer scale of my hatred. I hate HABIT ships in general but this one comes with a characterization of Patrick that makes me the equivalent of a territorial grizzly bear for zero reason except personal preference and strong opinions about a dumb idiot in suspenders.

To be clear: I would send patbit hatemail. I would doxx patbit. I would maybe even write a callout post making up a bunch of lies and slander just to get patbit deplatformed unjustly, and I would get away with it through sheer spite and maliciousness. I would bully patbit into a locker and make it give me all of its money. I would kill patbit with hammers and leave it in a ditch like roadkill. I would throw patbit into a colosseum to be eaten by lions.

[sitronsangbody]

I decided to make a pinned post with stuff about my positions and my perspective that might be relevant - first of all: I'm not a nutritionist, scientist or anything like that. What I post here is based in facts and scientific research by those who are, but I am not an expert, just an activist who's been delving into this topic for a while.

- I don’t care for the words “obese” or “overweight” because they're laden with stigma and imply deviance from the correct way. I use “fat” because it’s a neutral descriptor of a normal way to be.

- I haven’t weighed myself in years now but I believe I fall into the category of small fat.

- My preferred angle of fat activism is fat liberation, but I don’t really care what movements or words people identify with as long as they support fat people socially and politically.

- I’m in favor of cultivating online (and offline) spaces that allow for discussion, learning and self-reflection. If the discourse is all black and white thinking, dragging and name calling, I’m out of there, it’s not worth it.

- I reserve the right to occasionally change my mind about things when I learn something new.

- If you’re trying to lose weight that’s fine, but I don’t want to hear about it.

- This blog very much supports trans people (I wish I didn’t have to specify this), terfery will get you blocked on sight.

- Feedism is not my cup of tea personally, but you guys are totally welcome on here and more power to ya ❤️

- I'm a white scandinavian. My perspective will inevitably be affected by this and there are many intersections of oppression that I can't speak to from personal experience.

- English is not my first language and it probably shows now and then idk

[monniemonniee]

prompt: "i called you last night... if it weren't for the sight of the boy who looked just like you."

(DRAFT HEHEHEH.)

updated: 12-03-23

_ _ _ _ _ _

James and Regulus broke up once Hogwarts has ended.

It wasn't that big of a deal.

Maybe.

After all, that's what they told themselves at first anyways.

That's what they felt they needed to hear, between themselves.

When everyone heard, the news shattered the group. Never had they expected the people shrouded in love, to suddenly lose it. Bouts of,

"Why?"

"What happened?"

"Both of you looked really happy, maybe... it was a misunderstanding?"

But Regulus preferred to not talk about it anymore, tired of being reminded a part of him no longer exists with the person he thought he'd live with and through. James had complied, too, sounding a little more depressed than needed.

It hurts. Looking at you hurts. I hope my eyes don't give it away.

"It was a matter of differences, really," Regulus said.

Letting go wasn't something I thought I'd see myself doing with you.

"We just... didn't... we didn't really see eye to eye anymore," James claimed.

At their break-up, they mutually decided to have some distance with each other. No phone calls, no texts, no hangouts, just anything that had nothing to do with each other.

Of course, everyone respected their wishes.

Although it was hard to find some middle ground that didn't have neither James nor Regulus in the same room, breathing the same proximity of air, not being able to see each other, all of them managed. Some days are wine parties with Regulus, and some other ones are beach trips with James.

In fact, Regulus was almost, almost ready to forgive, to forget forgive all those months of itching to find his name in his contacts get over it. Then, one day, it came out of nowhere.

"Why did you two break up?" The voice in Sirius' voice was stern.

"I know, it's been months... and you're supposed to be healing."

"... Yeah."

"But you can't fool me," His eyes darted to the Regulus' side of their room. One of which, Regulus was all too familiar with.

Sirius walked to the other side slowly, approaching the white wooden closet, a clandestine hideaway that Regulus kept to himself all those months.

It was one of the only things he didn't throw away that came from him. Shamelessly, it was also one of the things that reeked too much of James himself, not mentioning their carved initials within a clunky heart.

"J.P+ R.B"

"N-No wait! Sirius don't touch that p-please I--"

His heart sank.

I tried not it give away. I tried not to give you away. I don't want to give you away. Please, please, please, please.

Sirius hastily pulled the metal bar,

Regulus merely looked at him, a meek look on face. He looked far into the distance, the window

[theelderhazelnut]

OC Interview

A huge thank you to @black-dragon-posting for tagging me <3

Tagging: @vivilovespink @darialovesstuff @bar10du @huepazu @scentedcandleibex @confidentandgood @aliyaaaepel3 @loverofthewindgod @ninibear3000 @roofgeese @orbitinytheworld @krysta-cross @loreoflemons @detectivelokis @captastra @zoetheneko @isabellawaites

Ombra impatiently checked the white clock hanged on the wall. "How long is this going to take?" She asked the interviewer while maintaining a flat face.

"Not more than fifteen minutes." The interviewer observed the pile of papers in his hands, grinning widely at the thoughts racing in his head. "This documentary is going to be very much different from the previous ones we produced."

"How come?"

"You will soon find out, Miss Ombra." The interviewer gestured to the cameramen. "Cameras? Okay, Let's begin!"

Basics

"Name?"

"Are you asking for my real name? It's Golnaz. And my last is Zomorodian"

"Are you single?"

"No, I am currently in a relationship with one of the most powerful sorcerers among the realms." An uncontrollable toothy smile appeared on her lips.

"Are you happy?"

"I try to be. But uh-" Ombra slightly frowned. "I have to be. This is the least I can do in order to not make my life a literal hell."

"Are you angry?"

Ombra drops her head, letting out a silent smirk. "Only plants are not angry."

"Are your parents still married?"

Ombra nodded a "yes".

9 Facts

"Birth place?"

"Hamedan, Iran. You can read it thoroughly from my eyes."

"Hair color?"

"Do I really need to say this?" She took a wavy strand of her lose ponytail to the front and continued. "Dark brown. You may think it's black, but it reveals its true color under the sunlight."

"Eye color?"

Ombra wrinkled her lips in slight annoyance. "Chocolate brown. Very much dark as well. But it changes. If I utilize an enormous amount of my Metalrealmer energy, it changes to cyber yellow."

"Birthday?"

"November twenty sixth."

"Mood?"

"At this moment? Well, curious I think. Curious to know what happens at the end."

"Gender?"

"I'm half-female half-neutral. I do feel totally neutral sometimes." She paused for a moment then continued. "Do I have to elaborate?"

"Summer or Winter?"

Her eyes brightened. "That's a tough question. Eh...I prefer both. I don't know. The fresh air and the longer days in Summer hypes up my mood."

"Morning or Afternoon?"

"Definitely afternoon. Every single living thing falls in a relaxing silence in that time. And it's just me running around in the base." Ombra let out a soft chuckle.

Eight Things About Your Love Life

"Are you in love?"

"Yes, I am. With myself. No no no, I won't deny that, but yes. I am in love with another person."

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"No. If you feel totally attached to someone in the very first sight, and all of a sudden crave them desperately, you are undoubtedly mentally ill."

"Who ended your last relationship?"

"There wasn't any."

"Have ever broken someone's heart?"

Ombra nodded in agreement. "And I have zero regrets. Of course, I'm not sure how many times I did because, well, maybe some of them were unintentional."

"Are you afraid of commitments?"

"Only when it's about Quan Chi, I guess. Not being to fulfill my promises to him is an absolute nightmare. I don't want to be a fake manipulator."

"Have you hugged someone within the last week?"

"As far as I remember I only hugged Quan Chi. But please don't be afraid if you want to hug me." She calls to no one.

"Have you ever had a secret admirer?"

"I'm not sure if this counts, but I'm gonna say Quan Chi. He did nothing a secret admirer would do." She shrugged. "But still."

"Have you ever broken your own heart?"

"This sounds weird, but no. It isn't easy to break my heart. You must be something so precious to me to be able to do that." She leant her chin on her palm. "I'm not saying that I'm not precious to myself."

Six Choices

"Love or Lust?"

"Both."

"Lemonade or Iced tea?"

"I choose iced tea. It tastes more like water, and responses to my thirst perfectly."

"Cats or dogs?"

"You have no idea what kittens can do to me."

"A few best friends or many regular friends?"

"I am not so professional in taking care of acquaintances, so the answer is obvious."

"Wild night out or romantic night in?"

"It entirely depends on my mood and physical energy. A wild night out with Quan Chi is literally a life-death situation which requires great physical energy. Sadly, I use most of that energy at work, so it's a romantic relaxing night in ninety percent of the time."

"Day or night?"

"My preference changes all the time about this. I'm not going to give you a firm answer."

Four Have You Evers

"Been caught sneaking out?"

"When I was a child, home was the safest place for me, so I technically had no reason to sneak out. But as an adult? No."

"Fallen down/up the stairs?"

"I'm always careful." Ombra lowered her tone to almost a whisper. "But I'm secretly afraid of it ever happening."

"Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?"

"Not someone. Something."

"Wanted to disappear?"

"Yes and no."

Four Preferences

"Smile or eyes?"

"Eyes tell a different story. It way harder to fake your eyes movements and the truth behind them than faking your smile." She shrugged. "Also they're more beautiful."

"Shorter or taller?"

"You mean my own height? Well, of course, taller. Much taller."

"Intelligence or attraction?"

"Intelligence can also bring about attraction. In fact, intelligence can bring about almost anything, so I think attraction is not enough on its own."

"Hook-up or relationship?"

"It's disgusting to me to touch someone who I just met, so I say relationships, obviously."

Family

"Do you and your family get along?"

Ombra nodded. "I was lucky that I was born in a functional family."

"Would you say you have a messed-up life?"

Ombra frowned, staring at the distance. "Depending on how you look at it, I do have a chaotic life, but it's no "messed up". However, it's on the edge of it, and it only requires a snap of my finger."

"Have you ever run away from home?"

"Not from the building of my home, but I did technically run away from my country. To survive."

"Have you ever gotten kicked out?"

"My family love me. No matter what I do." A bitter smile curved her lips.

Friends

"Do you secretly hate one of your friends?"

"What kind of a question is this? Do you intend to expose me?"

"No no! Absolutely not! You can skip this one!"

Ombra's eyes darkened. "I don't. I can't stand keeping someone I despise so close to me."

"Do you consider all your friends good friends?"

"I deliberate before choosing them."

"Who is your best friends?"

"There's three of them. My sister, Quan Chi and Menace." (@vivilovespink)

"Who knows everything about you?"

"My sister and Quan Chi. Menace knows too much, too." She chuckled lightly. "It's just that he's the last best friend I found, so we need more time. Y'know, not everything can be told."

"That should be it. Thank you for giving us your time, Miss Ombra."

"You're welcome." She responded, and watched the three men leave the room as they chatted cheerfully. "This show's gonna definitely rock it!"

[hinamie]

Do you work on multiple art projects at once? Or do you have to finish one before starting another? If you do work on multiple at a time, how many is too many......... asking for a friend (ME, pls god help me)

Hi anon! The vast majority of the time I'm only working on one thing at a time :'> I find that what happens when I try to bench one project to work on another is I lose the motivation to come back to it entirely. My working theory as to why this happens revolves around the fact that I feel like each drawing Teaches(?) me something and shifts the expectations I have of myself--so if I put one piece aside to start and finish another, by the time the second one is done I feel like I've already surpassed the me that felt comfortably challenged and satisfied while working on the first one . So by that point if I /do/ want to try and salvage or finish the first one I feel like in order to clear the new bar that's been set I'd need to either a. redo the majority of it or b. start over entirely orz

Occasionally I will juggle multiple pieces (usually out of necessity on account of deadlines) and that's fine if it needs to happen but as far as my own workflow and Drawing Experience go i definitely don't prefer it :') If the stars could always align and I could guarantee that I would be equally enthused and motivated about all my ongoing wips then maybe things would be different but alas I have maladaptive perfectionism and hyperfixate on One (1) project at a time until I cant stand the sight of it anymore

All that being said, I'm not sure I can give a definite answer as to how many ongoing wips is too many ...? for me personally probably like 2-3 but I imagine that number is probably different for everyone . ANYWAY GOMEN this got long but I hope your friend (you) is doing ok with all your projects !! i will manifest Productivity and Inspiration but make sure not to burn yourself out ghjdsgsj <3

[lionheartslowstart]

Coping Mechanism

The thing about trauma is you can't choose anything about it. You can't choose when you experience it, how it expresses itself, or when you get over it. You can't choose the severity, which can always change day to day, you can't choose what triggers it. There is nothing voluntary about trauma.

Everyone deals with tough emotions differently. Some people are conscious of their coping mechanisms, and others aren't. Personally, I wasn't always aware of mine, but over time and after a lot of therapy and personal reflection, I have become much more so. And how I deal with and process my trauma is through anger.

Anger is an easy emotion, at least for me. Not everyone feels that way, and that's okay. But after 25 years of constant disappointment, betrayal, despair, pain, and rejection, I have developed quite a deep well from which to draw.

Truthfully, I think after everything I've been through I have a right to be angry. Is it healthy? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no. It depends on the situation and how much control I have over that anger. Sadness and fear are extremely difficult for me to experience, let alone process. I suspect the autism plays a role in that. I can be extremely susceptible to emotional overstimulation when it comes to these emotions. But filtering those feelings through anger helps. Especially as I am an external processor. Being angry (usually) allows me to be able to discuss things out loud, to myself or with another person, even in intense anger. Whereas when I'm experiencing deep sorrow, it often becomes too much for me to feel at once and I usually will experience autistic shutdown or an autistic meltdown as result.

But I also mentioned control. The problem comes when the anger gets out of hand and I lose control of myself. I would never be violent with someone, and I haven't been since I was a teenager. (And it was only after being continuously harassed after I told the person to leave me be.) I pride myself on being able to maintain a logical and reasonable argument, even when angry, even when yelling. But at a certain point there is a ceiling, so to speak, and that logic goes out the window. My expressions can devolve into personal attacks, stuttering, or even shrieking. (I can also sometimes get violent with myself, though this can occur with sadness and fear as well.)

Still, I prefer anger. Overall, it is a less painful emotion for me to deal with. I have more control over it in general, despite the few times I do lose it. It protects me. That's really what it comes down to - protection. If I'm being honest, I don't think I'd still be here if I processed my emotions a different way. The weight of everything I've been through would have dragged me down a long time ago. But if I can feed the flames, if I can be angry about it, I can stay afloat.

If I'm angry, I won't be thinking about the fact that I wasted almost my entire twenties with a man who made me feel unlovable and worthless. How someone I would have done absolutely anything for treated me like dirt on his shoe. Worse. It distracts me from the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the seemingly bottomless pit of sorrow that I have been coping with for the last several years, with no end in sight.

If I'm angry, I won't feel the ache in my chest where my goddaughter used to be. I won't think about her smile or the way she held my hand, the special song we sang together. Instead, I can think about the things her mother said and did that put me in that position. The emotional abuse she inflicted on me that gave me 6 hour long panic attacks (not an exaggeration). The way she used her own daughter as a pawn to manipulate and use me and keep me around until she felt like she didn't need me anymore.

If I'm angry, I won't think about the terror of having someone you once trusted have a psychotic break, relentlessly stalk you for a month, spread things you shared in confidence on the internet, try to ruin your relationships, and make horrible comments about how they wished you had killed yourself and they hope your mother dies (among other things). I won't think about the fact that adrenaline coursed through my veins quite literally every moment of every day that month, how I jumped every single time my phone buzzed, or the desperation I felt trying to figure out how to get her to stop.

If I'm angry, I won't feel the pain of having my trust broken by my parents and my boyfriend (different instances, not the same), three of the people I trust more than anyone else on the planet. I won't think about how our relationships may not ever fully recover, and how scary that is for me.

If I'm angry, I won't sit alone in the dark and think about every single rejection, every single time someone has decided they don't like me for reasons I don't understand and refuse to explain, the seemingly never ending isolation and ostracization no matter how much I try. I don't have to try and figure out why other people are allowed to treat me a certain way and it's fine, but God forbid I do the same, I'm a terrible person. I can just be mad about it instead.

And you may be thinking, "But Sophie, being so angry about all these things can't be helpful long term." Au contraire, it has done wonders for me!

Processing my pain through anger has helped me completely move on from a number of traumatic situations.

For many years I ranted and raved about my ex from 2013. How he was a sociopath and a compulsive liar. I was constantly venting about the things he said and did, how he ruined college for me, etc. But now? I don't care about him at all. I nothing him. Totally indifferent. If anything, I feel sorry for him. Not having empathy or nuanced emotions must be a lonely, boring existence. I don't wish him well or ill. I am absolutely certain I could pass him on the street and not experience any anxiety, sadness, or anger. That I would walk right past him with only the fleeting thought of, Huh, I guess this is where he's been.

Back in 2019, my best friend of 20 years and I had a terrible falling out. I felt betrayed by her in one of my most vulnerable moments. I won't get into details but it was quite gnarly and the entire fight lasted several months before I finally closed the door on that friendship. I was LIVID with her for four years. I couldn't even say her name. But I'm not angry anymore. I'm still not completely sure what happened, or why it happened, and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her or trust her, but the anger is gone. All that I feel for her is love. Afterall, we were best friends for two decades. Love like that doesn't just go away. And I know she feels the same. Every once in a while, one of us will text or call the other to ask for advice or give a major life update. When I found out I had had a stroke, she was the first person I called and we cried on the phone together. Friendship is off the table, but I have fully moved on from what happened and I only want her to have the best life she possibly can.

And these are just a couple of major events. Processing sadness via anger has actually helped me heal from a number of situations. Some of them took a long time, and some of them barely took any time at all. Some of them were life changing (like the examples above), and some of them were not quite as damaging.

All of this to say, not everyone processes their emotions or trauma the same way. Everyone is different. And what works for you may not work for someone else. Anger works for me. Maybe forgiveness works for someone else. Maybe sadness works for yet another person. I know people who are completely internal processors, who can't talk about what they're going through AT ALL until months after it's over. The bottom line is that this is what works for me, and so far it's only served my emotional well-being, at least in the long-term. Some trauma may take longer than others to heal, but at least I know I'll get through.

[tenderbrokenthings]

Pathetic Things I Have Done #2

Breakfast in bed used to be my thing. Every weekend, I’d go into the kitchen, ready to whip up a feast fit for a king, or at least, fit for him. But here’s the thing: no matter how hard I tried, it was never quite right. “You’re lucky I like you,” he’d quip, picking out the slightest hint of onion powder like it was a crime. The guy practically shunned vegetables, lived off meat and bread.

So, what did I do? I became a breakfast contortionist. I adapted. I twisted and turned recipes, cutting out the veggies, upping the meat quotient, waving goodbye to anything remotely green. Forget about my own cravings, this was about keeping him happy, even if it meant sacrificing my own enjoyment. The joy of cooking turned into a juggling act, where his finicky preferences dictated the menu and the kitchen became a haven for only red meat-centric meals. Behind the scenes of those breakfast antics, I grappled with a suspicion: in bending over backwards to please his palate, had I somehow lost sight of my own tastes? And in those moments between flipping bacon strips and toasting bread, I couldn’t help but wonder: was it worth it, sacrificing my own culinary freedom for a fleeting smile over a plate of meat and bread?

As time passed, I found myself losing motivation to cook altogether. The excitement I once felt in the kitchen, where creativity and joy came together, began to fade. I couldn’t muster the energy to handle a pan or chop, knowing any effort would likely be met with criticism or discontent. When I expressed my growing reluctance to cook, hoping for understanding, his response only fueled my frustration. “Cooking for a picky eater is tough,” I admitted, seeking some empathy. Instead, he brushed it off as an excuse, leaving me feeling unheard and unappreciated(how common of him). The kitchen, once a place of exploration and satisfaction, now felt like a battlefield where my efforts were constantly scrutinized and my enthusiasm dampened.

I still feel like this too. I haven’t cooked for another person in years. And not only that, the fact that it was never reciprocated ONCE still hurts to think about lol

[chlerc]

trouble in paradise ; jude bellingham

— summary; somewhere between the lines of being okay with everything, Jude, social media and the marriage. She wonders if she dodged the bullet or just lost the love of her life.

pairing — jude bellingham x university-student!f. reader ( third person story )

word count — 1270.

content — angst! long distance relationship hurts more than expected. Jude coming home to her to find himself losing her wasn’t the first thing on his list.

NAVIGATION + author’s note: i’m losing myself in angst, i love it so much you don’t understand. There’s nothing else but angst for me.

BEING MARRIED TO YOUR first best-friend, first crush and first love must have been everyone’s dream. She got exactly what she wanted with Jude, the best thing she could ever ask for. Yet at this point in life, it’s not really what she wanted anymore.

In London, there was no one else with her at home, their home besides the stacks of books and waste paper cluttering her desk. Her university mates and Jude, the Corgi she adopted and named after him just to have a reminder of him with her, was her only form of interaction. The picture of Jude and her when he first played his first professional football match, sitting on the nightstand beside her.

He promised, promised that he’d fly over and celebrate her birthday together. She should’ve known out of the countless promises he made, Jude would have never kept to them. And she tried, tried being okay and understanding of the demands of his job, his schedules. This career was everything he wanted in life, besides her.

Eight hours passed the clock striking midnight, passed her birthday and yet he was still nowhere to be found within the compound of their home. Her home, now. The sound of unlocking a door ricochets through the hallway, his tall figure coming to sight. Dressed in his white sweats and a graphic hoodie thrown over, a cap worn backwards.

“Love, you’re up early.” His voice gruff, outstretched his arms for a hug but she only stood there eyeing him, waiting for him to say more. Waiting for him to ramble his apologies and excuses or reasoning just like he always did. “You’re late, eight hours late.” The smell of the Dior Sauvage cologne penetrated her nose; he had been using the same one for as long as she remembered. The same cologne she’d gotten him the first time and he hadn’t used others then.

She’d like to believe that he loved her preference but truly, Jude didn’t care about anything else unless it’s related to his career or football. There wouldn’t be any changes simply because he didn’t care about it enough to put an effort into changing it.

“I’m sorry love, I was caught up in a shoot for an advertisement and I swear- Love, no no why are you crying? I’m sorry, I was late.” It wasn’t the fact that he was late or not. It was how he had been late even despite her reminder last Thursday and he said he knew it was as important to him as it was to her. Where did he end up being anyways? Late, like always.

It was the fact that along the lines of football and making a name for himself, she lost herself in the unwavering support she had for him. Lost herself to his list of reasons for missing out on a date, an important event or day. She was so okay with it that it wasn’t okay anymore. Birthday’s had never been important to her as long as Jude was here, but this birthday was important. It was more than a birthday, it was a revelation.

“I’m sorry for being late, love. I swear I tried flying in earlier but the shoot kept going on. I’m sorry, please tell me how I can make this work. How can I make you feel better?” Except there was no solution to making her feel better anymore. She always believed his promises but what was the point of making promises if you no longer kept to them?

“Just go Jude, I’ll be better that way.” She mumbled, crystal tears running down her cheeks and she wiped at them hoping Jude hadn’t seen it but he did. He always notices everything when it comes to her, when anything is related to her. “You’ve made it clear time and again that I’m not a priority.”

“That’s not true.” He sounds baffled, stepping closer towards her with his hand reaching for her only to watch her take a step back, putting the distance between them. “Isn’t it? Everytime you promised you’d be here, you’d always end up late. If you were wondering, it didn't matter if you were late or not. I wondered if there was an emergency at home and in Madrid, would you have been with me or in Madrid?”

“You know I’d always choose you, without a doubt love.” His vision filled with something foreign, something he had never felt in a long while, blurring his vision. “I don’t Jude, I don’t even know if you would choose me because you haven’t, in a long time.” A groan escaped, the burning sensation in the back of his throat like he just downed a shot of vodka.

“Please baby, I promise I can make it better, please just tell me how.” Usually his pleas and those tears running down his cheeks would have done it for her but not this time. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Jude.” He shuffles forward, engulfing her in his arms as his tears fall and probably wetting her shoulders.

“No, I’ll keep to this promise. Please just tell me how I can make it better. I can’t lose you baby, please.” Without her, there was no Jude. But he had lost her a long time ago when he missed those countless dinners, events, days and everything else when they should’ve been together. “Don’t be foolish Jude, you’d be happier without this, without me and I know it. Don’t hold on to something that doesn’t belong to us anymore, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“No, I’m not being foolish. All I ever wanted in life was you and I have you now, why would I let you go. I don’t ever want to let you go, please baby.” He snapped, voice so vulnerable it was strange to them. Why do people only realise what they have when they lose it?

She removes herself from him, wiggling out of his grasp and he yearns for the warmth of her body. It was truly then that he realised how long it had been since they even hugged. He was so caught up in his move to Madrid and settling down that he had forgotten about the girl that had been there with him throughout every step. The girl that he lost because of himself.

You are my one and only, today, tomorrow and forever. There’s no one else but you, and in every universe, I’d always choose you. She’d always kept to her vow even when she was in London studying and he was in Madrid making a name for himself. She’d always love Jude even if shouldn’t, even if she didn’t have the right.

I promise to be there for you forever, always. Jude always meant the vow when he said it, he still does. Yet between his intentions and actions, it couldn’t replicate what he said and promised. And he only realises it when it was all too late, when he should’ve been there and made the effort, the bare minimum he could have done.

“You’d let us go if you love us, Jude.” I love you enough for the two of us but there’s never enough with you as time passes. Those words were left unsaid and it’d always be left unsaid. He’d rather lose his career than lose her, but he doesn’t even have the chance to choose now.

20 September. He’ll always think of her on this day, eight hours after her birthday and the day he lost her. The day he lost himself. Without her, there’s no Jude Bellingham.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #113

(taken february 13th; uploading surveys taken while gone... almost done!)

Which overrated tattoo are you sick of seeing? Before I answer, I want to preface with something very important: anyone can put whatever the fuck they want on their own skin. My opinion, nor anyone else's, matters at all. Just for ME PERSONALLY though, I think sunflowers and dreamcatchers are very overused.

What was the last thing you taught a younger kid? Uhhhh I'm sure it was a niece or nephew (probably Ryder, he is so curious and I love it, he's always asking questions), but I'm not totally positive what exactly it was. I feel like Ryder did in fact ask me what a word meant last, but I've got absolutely zero clue what that word was now.

Do you like watching movies made with CGI or do you prefer hand-drawn ones? Very good CGI impresses me most, I think. Both are perfectly capable of being very appealing, though. I just think it's mega cool when fake animals and such are implemented into mostly live action stuff and it looks like it totally belongs.

Where did your parents buy their car(s)? I have absolutely no idea where Dad got his car, but Mom's current one was actually just given to her by a former dance student when my sister and I were still attending the dance studio. The girl who'd owned it prior hit a deer, and to this day the bumper is fucked up and kept on with zipties, but it runs. It's got real problems and Mom desperately wants a new one, but cars are just insanely fucking expensive. We're lucky enough to have this one; the former owner bought a new car and had the incredible heart to just let Mom have this one for free.

Do you know why your grandparents chose your mother’s name? Nope.

What is your favourite kind of soup? I'm really not a soup person.

Are you satisfied with your social life (or lack thereof)? No. I'm TRYING to become more social and reach out to old friends more.

What TV show do you just assume you wouldn’t like? 13 Reasons Why is one; I've just heard bad things about how they portray the subject matter, and also as a person who has attempted suicide and spent a great deal of her life suicidal, I KNOW I just wouldn't handle it well.

Who always has the power to make you feel intimidated? Big, strong-looking men.

Which one of your senses would you miss the most if you lost it? Either sight or hearing. Pretty sure sight.

What’s the stupidest fight you’ve ever gotten into? Did you make up with that person or did you end up losing them over it? Oh, I'm sure it was RP bullshit as a kid, most likely with Sara because boy did we know how to butt heads about fucking nothing. I don't miss that shit.

What’s your opinion on prostitution? Should it be legal and regulated, or is it something that needs to be gotten rid of completely? I want to be very clear that this is a topic I KNOW I am not educated enough in; on the surface, so long as you're being safe, emotionally upfront, and respectful, it sounds fine. However, there are absolutely dark shadows in this topic, mostly covering abuse of the prostitute because a bad person seeks out their service. Then there's human trafficking that I'm sure is more easily achieved and stuff because of prostitution... So yeah, I don't know.

Is there a lot of graffiti around your neighbourhood? In my precise neighborhood, there's none, but in my town, it depends on what area you're in. Some places are quite literally painted with it, others aren't AS bad, but you still see it.

Which IM app do you use the most? Discord.

Besides English, what other languages can you speak? None fluently, but I'm still pretty decent at German. Not as good as I was in high school, though.

Besides English, what other languages can you read? German.

Have you ever had a restaurant dish that was made with bugs? No.

If not, would you even want to try one? If it was a reputable restaurant where I could trust they prepare them properly, I'd TRY something, but I wouldn't order it myself.

Which edible flowers have you tasted? Just honeysuckles.

What has been your worst restaurant experience? The time I was still a vegetarian and I went to Burger King cuz they're the only local chain with an affordable veggie burger, and the employee that took the order clearly didn't understand because I shit you the fuck not, I got lettuce and tomato between two buns. That is literally it. My mom went in to correct it and holy shit was the manager pissed, lmao. That experience was fucking hilarious, honestly. It's one of my favorite stories to tell, haha.

Have you ever had a life threatening condition? If so, what was it? I wasn't experiencing life-threatening symptoms, nor had it progressed to a point where my life was even remotely at risk, but when I had an infected cyst, leaving it there could have seriously harmed me, because the infection would spread. The same thing goes for the billion times I've had UTIs. I also have *inactive* MRSA that I apparently contracted after my cyst surgery when the wound tore open; I don't know how the hell to explain this in a way that makes sense, but basically as I am now, I'm totally fine, because it's not an "active" infection, but MRSA is incredibly dangerous if it is actively affecting your body, which to my understanding, mine could "wake up" at any time. I think. Learning this shit made no sense to me lmao.

Have you ever had a custom print done on a shirt? If so, what was it? No.

Would you ever have a UV tattoo? Nah. I don't live a life where you'd like, EVER see it so it'd be pointless and a waste of money.

Do you work better alone or in a group? I work immensely better alone.

Who do you stalk the most through Facebook? Nobody, honestly.

Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? No.

Write the first song that pops into your head: I have a slowed/reverb version of "Mary on a Cross" by Ghost on right now, so that.

Do you know the middle name of the last person you kissed? He doesn't have one.

Have you ever had sex with two different people in the same week? No.

Who is the friendliest person you know? I wanna say Girt, or my mom.

Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? Side by side.

If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? Nope. We potentially WOULD have if the fucking idiots who moved in there after us didn't burn the fucking house down WHILE THEY WERE STILL MOVING IN by placing a fucking box on top of THE STOVE that they accidentally flipped on. My parents owned the house so were going to be the landlords, but after this I guess they sold it or something in order to have the house rebuilt, idk.

Animated character that was your gay awakening? HA I immediately thought of Shego from Kim Possible, she was DEFINITELY up there.

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? Usually a let's play.

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? No.

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) Absolutely emo, haha.

Have you ever been to jail? No.

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? The lefthand side of the couch that's against the front wall if Mom's home, but I sit on the right if Girt's here. The one time we sat in the "wrong spots" he was so thrown off literally because he couldn't cuddle me right. 😭

Are you a “quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? I pretty much always have SOME sort of caption, and it's honestly most likely to be a relevant song lyric lmao, that emo cliche ain't left me.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed? Yes.

What would you do if you found out the last person you called was pregnant/got someone pregnant? My mother had a total hysterectomy, I can assure you she's never getting pregnant again. She's way past menopause anyway.

Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more? Tampons or pads wouldn't bother me at all. I've never personally purchased condoms before though and because of just how awkward I really am when it comes to the sex subject, I would probably be uncomfortable, but idk.

If you were in a car accident would the last person you kissed care? Uh yes, I know he'd freak the fuck out.

What color is the computer/laptop you’re on? Did you buy it yourself? Black, and no. My mom did.

Would you be surprised if you saw the last person you texted smoking? Yes. My mom tried smoking very briefly when she was way younger and hated it. She's never touched one as long as I've been alive, and I also know she wouldn't put herself at risk like that with the problems she already deals with. And I can also guarantee she wouldn't want to smell like it at all; like me, she absolutely hates the smell.

Do you think people have any misconceptions about you? I can bet my fucking life on that.

Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? Yeah.

Do you find piercings/tattoos attractive? Hell yes, in most cases.

Do you own a nightgown? No. I haven't worn those since I was a kid.

Have you ever liked someone much older than you? Only celebrities in the way that doesn't really mean anything because I don't know these people personally whatsoever.

Ever dated someone you were best friends with first? Yes.

How did you meet the last male you texted? Well, he took part in making me.

Do you love your computer? Yeah, it does the job. My brain nearly oozed out of my fucking ears the other day though; I somehow got a trojan on it and finally diagnosed it and was busting my ASS trying to get it off, dreading that my laptop was gonna be fucked because this kind basically melts your CPU. I eventually had to do an almost total reset of it; the only thing I was able to keep was my files, but everything else was wiped. Thank GOD that kicked it off.

Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? I consider myself a realist, but out of the two, I'm definitely more pessimistic.

Are you comfortable with your weight? AbsoFUUUUUUUUUCKINGlutely not, it's one of the top things I absolutely hate about myself.

How often do you listen to classic rock? Not as much as I did in high school, but still a decent amount. I'm just more into modern rock and metal these days.

What about country? Almost never, unless there is a specific song from childhood stuck in my head or I'm in either of my sisters' cars. I generally hate country music.

Do you know anyone inside and out? I don't think I do, honestly. Not anymore. Well, maybe Mom, but idk.

Have you learned anything depressing lately? Pretty recently I learned about the story behind Girt's nephew's dad, and it was tragic as all fucking hell.

Is anyone in your family sick? My youngest niece Emerson is quite sick; she had to be taken to the ER a couple nights ago. She's had a fever for a while now, and at the ER it was found that she has fluid in I think her left lung that we're very much hoping the antibiotics she was given take care of. There's also some body part I don't remember the name of that's behind the tonsils or whatever that is inflamed, and we're thinking she's probably going to have to have them taken out. The poor thing was coughing so aggressively before she was taken that she was literally throwing up and screaming.

Someone says, “I don’t judge people.” Do you really believe them? Nope. Everyone does to some extent.

What is a sad song that you like? One of the saddest that I absolutely adore is "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade.

How many bones have you broken? One.

Last person to get on your nerves? This is honestly really mean, but a WoW guildie, lol. We have one person in it who is the incarnation of "OMG sO rANdoM!!!!" and they're just so, so overwhelming and kinda like force you into engaging with them, and it's so uncomfortable sometimes. They're not a bad person at all or anything, just... a lot to handle. And especially as someone who semi-regularly wants to keep to myself on there, I really don't appreciate being dragged into interacting when I don't want to. I eventually got so annoyed that I just closed the game, lol.

Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocalypse? Nah, I doubt it.

Have you ever gone to church just to get a significant other? Uh, absolutely not. Even when I WAS religious, I wouldn't have done that.

Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? No. People who punch shit when they're angry really scare me.

Ever been turned down in a really mean way? Not that I remember.

Do you know anyone who can sing screamo music? Realistically it's very likely I do.

How many people live in the same house with you? Just one: my mom.

Do you have any hickeys? Right now I do, but neither is very obvious.

Do you get allergies in the spring? YES, especially in the beginning. My body does NOT like pollen.

Who do you look up to? Markiplier, the Irwins, my mama, Girt, Jane Goodall, loud women in politics that will basically fight to the death to better fellow women's lives, shamelessly and proudly LGBTQ+ individuals and others who fight relentlessly for their rights, etc. In general, people who think beyond themselves and their own needs.

What is your favorite brand of bottled water? Essentia. I've only had it at Sara's, though; that shit is so not cheap and my mom's not regularly buying that stuff. We just use a filter.

Are you a healthy person? No. I'm trying to improve though, especially now with physical therapy going on.

When was the last time you got out of your home? Yesterday when I rode with Mom to feed a friend's cats while she's away.

Do you like PopTarts? I enjoy some, but I don't eat them a lot because they're just such empty calories; I eat them and I'm still hungry, so it's not worth it.

Is marriage in your future? I very, very much want to get married in my future, so I hope so. Girt and I both want to someday, and I'm hopeful that we're going to together, but as I always say these days, I REFUSE to bet my life on that now.

What is your favorite thing about each season? Winter: SNOW!!!!! Spring: so many flowers and just lush foliage; if it wasn't so damn hot, I would absolutely love spring. Summer: the real ONLY thing I like is that outdoor swimming water is warmest this time of year. Autumn: THE. COLORS. OF. THE. LEEEAAAVES!!! The temperature is also most likely to be just right, I love Halloweentime, just the whole vibe!!!

Would you ever consider running for president? HARD fucking pass.

Would you want a pet iguana? Most likely, no. I ADORE iguanas and had a baby one named Kaiju for a short period of time; I ended up finding him a better home though because I could not properly provide for him. His tank was too small, I struggled keeping the humidity up, etc. etc., and I just wanted him with someone who could give him everything he needed. But even if I HAD the means to give an iguana all its necessities, I just kinda feel like they need to stay wild. A reptile educator I very much respect and look up to has a very strong opinion on this and has the experience to know and share that iguanas in captivity are simply never as vibrant and healthy-looking as wild ones are, so it's like, unless you're literally rescuing the animal from definite doom, you're decreasing its quality of life by keeping it as a pet. I really doubt I'll ever adopt another one; my go-to big lizard of choice that I eventually DO want is an Argentine black-and-white tegu, instead!

Do you use corny pick-up lines? No, that's Girt's job, lol.

Do you enjoy windy days? NO. A light breeze if it's not cold, fine, but I HATE wind. It especially aggravates me because I REALLY hate how it makes a bird's nest out of my hair, even with it short. It was INSANE with long hair.