#but fixations that positively impact physical self care...

[8bitatari]

adhd fixations are like playing the lottery but good god when you win it and get a productive one it really changes you

[novlr]

how to describe despair in writing

Despair is a visceral and crushing emotion—one that echoes through the pages of a story, gripping readers with its raw intensity. It is more than just a feeling; it’s an abyss that characters fall into, a shadow that colours their every action and decision with hues of hopelessness and loss.

Behaviour

Neglecting personal care or obligations.

A lack of motivation or interest in activities they once enjoyed.

Withdrawing from social situations or avoiding company.

Engaging in self-destructive actions or habits.

Consistent signs of fatigue or lethargy.

Frequent emotional outbursts or mood swings.

An inability to concentrate or focus on tasks.

Indecisive, even on trivial matters.

Focusing on negative thoughts.

Displaying a loss of hope or a sense of defeat.

Interactions

Avoiding physical or eye contact with others.

Short-tempered and easily irritated.tempered

Speaking in monosyllables or giving terse responses.

A sense of indifference or apathy toward others’ concerns.

Struggling to express themselves or to articulate their feelings.

Misinterpreting others’ intentions or words negatively.

Isolating themselves despite offers of help or companionship.

Being unresponsive to attempts at humour or light-heartedness.

Blaming others or external circumstances for their despair.

Seeking out enablers or situations that validate their mindset.

Body language

Slumped shoulders or a consistently bowed head.

Averted gaze or blank stares into the distance.

Fidgeting, such as wringing hands or picking at skin.

Slow, dragging movements or a lack of coordination.

Heavy sighing or audible breaths.

Neglecting personal space or boundaries.

Minimal gestures or lifeless posture.

Clenched fists or jaw during moments of heightened emotion.

Visible trembling or shaking due to emotional strain.

A general lack of energy or life in physical presence.

Attitude

Pessimism towards the future.

Cynicism about intentions, whether their own or others’.

Resignation, believing that effort will not change their situation.

Indifference to opportunities or choices presented to them.

A sense of helplessness or powerlessness in all scenarios.

Self-deprecation and a tendency to dismiss their own value.

An overwhelming sense of guilt or responsibility for past events.

A fixation on the negative aspects of every situation.

An inability to accept comfort or positive feedback.

Believing they are a burden to others.

Positive Story Outcomes

An epiphany or realisation that sparks a desire for change.

A gesture of kindness from another character that provides a glimmer of hope.

The discovery of an inner strength or previously untapped resource.

A serendipitous event that offers a new perspective or opportunity.

The formation of a supportive relationship or friendship.

Minor victories or achievements that build self-confidence.

Learning a valuable lesson through hardship.

Developing empathy for others going through similar experiences.

Finding purpose in aiding others, easing their own despair.

An eventual embrace of vulnerability, leading to healing and growth.

Negative Story Outcomes

A surrender with long-lasting consequences.

The breakdown of important relationships.

A significant loss incurred because of inaction or apathy.

Descent into a more self-destructive or reckless lifestyle.

The solidification of a character’s role as an antagonist.

A missed opportunity for redemption or improvement.

A worsening of the character’s situation, potentially affecting others.

The development of a trait or flaw that hinders future happiness or success.

A downfall that provides a cautionary tale within the narrative.

A tragic ending that leaves a profound impact on the reader and other characters.

Helpful Vocabulary

Desolate

Forlorn

Wretched

Crestfallen

Anguished

Dolorous

Bereft

Hollow

Numb

Morose

Sullen

Bleak

Languish

Melancholy

Hopeless

Despondent

Dejected

Heartbroken

Miserable

Pained

Woeful

Eclipsed

Defeated

Overwhelmed

Grief-stricken

Tormented

Disconsolate

Listless

Oppressed

Despairing

[cupidastrology]

What the 12 signs experience with Pluto ♇ in Aquarius ♒︎ ✨❇️

Please do not repost or copy.

Associate with your Pluto position within your birth chart.

Notes: All 12 signs react to the power of Aquarius ♒︎ and the planet’s influence differently yet so despite not having this position Nataly.

Aries - more focus within an element of needing the self more than ever. a time where you carve new trends, styles, and mannerisms thats unlike others. the opportunity to establish a following or new career in life.

Taurus - advancements in cooking, and how you express your wants/needs in the world will be important. becoming a lot more progressive with your skills, a growth in the world of beauty may help you to reach new heights is creativity and talents in style.

Gemini - the subject of social media, literature, and study of new structures in architecture become interesting to you. there is high chance of wanting to connect with intellects, but a yearning to meet new people more than ever.

Cancer - to birth a new life for you in massive here; the subject of care and nurturing becomes obsessively involved in your life. you will want to create your own ways of living with your own rules, without anyone getting involved to sabotage that. a focus on your roots will expand.

Leo - your image, body, and the way you care for yourself will increase. expectations and different outlooks in the world of physical expression will advance, wanting you to grow an understanding of how more beautiful you can be in the world.

Virgo - the argument of fact or fiction will irk you, wanting to throw yourself into different forms of knowledge, experiences, and literature of fantasy, non-fiction, and consideration of dreams. health matters and dependency change big time.

Libra - the everchanging influences of artistry, equality, and peace will be a constant reminder to make changes that are necessary to your mindset. This transit will change you in ways where conforming to the same routine will not work, and independence in love will start to carve a deep point inside you.

Scorpio - privacy concerns will be a highlight for you in this transit; to focus on the subject of respect and honesty with your emotions will be a big deal as well. this transit influences to stay progressive, but yours will involve massive needs to let go consistently.

Sagittarius - your need to travel and learn new subjects become borderline obsessive; the relationship of learning and finding comfort outside your home is changing in rapid motions with this transit. you find yourself understanding the true meaning of independence and growth through new places, books, and movies.

Capricorn - it will be important to understand what it means to stay standing through building a larger foundation within your life. This transit invokes an intention to grow something that will last you a lifetime, while also focusing on what it means to keep up with the rapid changes of your world.

Aquarius - this is a long period of outgrowing the values, morals, and understandings of what you once had believed in your life. it is a time for stronger influences to help you connect with the ins and outs of life, carving a more solidified persona.

Pisces - what is true and what is not will awaken you to channel that aura of fixation into creative work, or to focus on a higher power in this long transit. you may want to understand more about the health and impact of others, understanding how healing can happen for the collective.

[mslovett]

one of the reasons I love vil so much is that he’s not just fixated on looks, but it’s just the thing that shows most prominently at first glance. Kind of how like a model’s catwalk isn’t the most important or necessarily worked on thing but the most recognisable. Which I think is why he cares about them at all, because he’s noticed that although he’s put work into so many aspects of himself, the one that people cling onto and has had the most impact is his looks. He just wants other people to be able to have those same experiences, or rather, not be a carbon copy of his life journey, but not to limit themselves from any opportunities. We see this a lot with epel because not only is he teaching him how to improve his looks but also teaching him self-acceptance because epel was limiting himself and his personality to “manly” things to try and make up for something inconsequential. And Vil’s stance that epel’s looks don’t make him less of a man also show his belief that looks don’t define a person. Also the thing about looks is that they’re often a good indicator of wether you’re taking care of yourself or not, and vil wants people to be at their best both mentally and physically. But I feel like that’s where a lot of people misinterpret him by saying he wouldn’t like or would be rude to conventionally “ugly” people or people who look different because something out of their control. But vil holds a lot of respect for people who put effort into things and it’s not so much that someone looks “good” that he cares about, but rather they look their own, personal best. But the effort thing is so obviously important to him from the neige/overblot thing. Because there we saw him get overwhelmed with anger, not just jealousy. And this was because his jealousy was what blinded him to the effort, or the type of effort that neige was putting in all the same. Which is why I think that scene where he explains neige’s background is so important because he’s trying to redeem his past misconception because he truly does respect the work neige put in. And I don’t know I just appreciate him a lot cause he cares for his dorm members so obviously and it’s so endearing - which I think a lot of people forget that the reason he’s so strict with his fellow pomefiore students is because it’s quite literally his job to lead them in a sense, and because he’s worked so hard to get into that position (I think this also goes for riddle, although both of them were obviously too unbending before their overblots)(esp riddle). Anyways it’s definitely at times a bit of a downfall with his phrasing, (as in, he could be nicer, but this is a game about showing different sides to villains are you really surprised.) BUT this is also an important positive to his character (so it’s kind of a double-edged sword) in that he’s willing to be strict or play the villain, even be disliked to make his fellow students better people.

anyways I love this man, rant over.

[curvychicchronicles]

Embracing Your Beauty: A Guide to Self-Love for Big Girls

Body image and self-esteem are topics that often take center stage in discussions surrounding beauty and confidence, especially for big girls. Society's beauty standards can sometimes feel like they're tailor-made for a specific body type, leaving many women feeling inadequate or insecure about their appearance. However, it's essential to recognize that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and self-love is a journey that every individual deserves to embark upon.

Redefining Beauty

Let's start by debunking the myth that beauty is confined to a particular body size or shape. Beauty is not a one-size-fits-all concept; it's diverse, multifaceted, and deeply personal. As big girls, it's crucial to embrace our unique features, curves, and imperfections because they contribute to our individuality and make us who we are.

Embracing Your Body

Self-love begins with self-acceptance, and that includes accepting and appreciating our bodies just the way they are. Instead of fixating on our perceived flaws or comparing ourselves to unrealistic standards, let's focus on the things we love about our bodies. Whether it's our radiant smile, our curves, or our strength, there's beauty to be found in every part of us.

Nourishing Your Mind and Soul

Self-love isn't just about physical appearance; it's also about nurturing our minds and souls. Taking care of our mental and emotional well-being is essential for building confidence and cultivating self-love. This can include practicing positive affirmations, surrounding ourselves with supportive and uplifting people, and engaging in activities that bring us joy and fulfillment.

Practicing Self-Care

Self-love involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and compassion that we would extend to others. Incorporating self-care practices into our daily routines is a powerful way to honor ourselves and prioritize our well-being. Whether it's indulging in a relaxing bath, going for a walk in nature, or enjoying a delicious meal, carving out time for self-care is a form of self-love.

Setting Boundaries

Part of loving ourselves means setting boundaries and advocating for our needs. This might involve saying no to things that don't serve us or establishing boundaries in our relationships to ensure that our emotional needs are met. Setting boundaries is a form of self-respect and self-preservation, and it's an important aspect of practicing self-love.

Celebrating Your Achievements

Big or small, every achievement deserves to be celebrated. Whether it's reaching a personal goal, overcoming a challenge, or simply making it through a tough day, acknowledging our accomplishments is an act of self-love. Taking the time to celebrate our successes reinforces our worth and reminds us of our resilience and strength.

Surrounding Yourself with Positivity

The company we keep can have a significant impact on our self-esteem and overall well-being. Surrounding ourselves with positive influences whether it's friends, family, or mentors who uplift and support us can reinforce our sense of self-worth and encourage us to embrace our beauty and uniqueness.

Conclusion

Self-love is a journey, and like any journey, it has its ups and downs. Embracing our beauty as big girls involves challenging societal norms, redefining beauty on our terms, and prioritizing our well-being. It's about loving ourselves unapologetically, celebrating our strengths, and embracing every part of who we are. By practicing self-love, we empower ourselves to live authentically, confidently, and joyfully, embracing our beauty in all its glorious diversity. Remember, you are beautiful, worthy, and deserving of love exactly as you are.

[mrbeast654]

How the Weight Loss Health Lab Helps You Find Your Inner Glow

When beginning your journey toward Weight Loss, it’s natural to focus on the numbers. However, the real magic happens when you uncover your inner glow—your vibrant energy, confidence, and joy. The Weight Loss Health Lab was created to help you achieve just that. It’s not just about shedding pounds; it’s about nurturing body & fitness, optimizing health & diet, and cultivating positive energy for a transformation that touches every part of your life.

Discover how the Weight Loss Health Lab empowers you to ignite your glow from within, embracing balance, strength, self-love, healing, and lasting happiness.

A New Definition of Transformation

At the Weight Loss Health Lab, transformation goes beyond the surface. It's about reclaiming your vitality and connecting with your best self.

Prioritizing Inner Well-being

The Lab teaches that real success comes from prioritizing well-being. This means caring for both mind and body, creating habits that foster not only physical health but emotional resilience.

A Holistic Approach to Body & Fitness

Rather than fixating solely on appearance, the Weight Loss Health Lab helps members embrace a body & fitness mindset that values strength, energy, and longevity. Fitness becomes a way to feel good rather than a chore.

Fueling Your Glow Through Health & Diet

Food is more than fuel—it’s nourishment for your soul and a key to unlocking your glow.

Educating for Empowerment

At the Lab, health & diet education is a cornerstone. Members learn how to choose nutrient-rich foods that support healing, build strength, and promote positive energy. Understanding how food impacts the body empowers members to make choices that enhance vitality.

Balance, Not Deprivation

One of the most empowering lessons is the focus on balance. You don't need to live in restriction to experience transformation. Learning to enjoy treats while maintaining a nourishing foundation leads to sustainable habits—and a much happier life.

Positive Energy as a Catalyst for Change

Positive energy is not just encouraged at the Weight Loss Health Lab—it’s a way of life.

Shifting Your Perspective

Instead of focusing on limitations, the community fosters a mindset of abundance and possibility. Every healthy choice, every small win, is a source of celebration and happiness.

Surrounding Yourself with Uplifting Support

The Weight Loss Health Lab community plays a crucial role in maintaining positive energy. Being surrounded by people who lift you up accelerates your progress and magnifies your glow.

Building Strength from the Inside Out

True transformation is about becoming stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Physical Strength is Empowering

Customized workout programs at the Lab are designed to help members build real strength. Whether it's lifting weights, improving endurance, or mastering yoga poses, movement becomes a celebration of what the body can achieve.

Emotional Strength Fuels Longevity

Members also cultivate emotional resilience. Challenges are seen as opportunities to grow, and setbacks are met with compassion rather than criticism. This mindset ensures that progress is not temporary but built for longevity.

Self-Love: The True Secret to Your Glow

If there's one message the Weight Loss Health Lab emphasizes, it’s the importance of self-love.

Honoring Your Journey

No two journeys are the same, and that’s a beautiful thing. Members are taught to honor their progress, celebrate every milestone, and treat themselves with kindness.

Healing Old Narratives

Many individuals enter the Lab with emotional scars related to body image, self-worth, or past failures. Through support and education, they experience profound healing, learning to see themselves through a lens of compassion and strength.

Energize Your Life with Movement

Movement is a vital ingredient in finding your glow, and the Lab makes it exciting and accessible.

Energizing Workouts for Every Level

From beginners to fitness enthusiasts, the Weight Loss Health Lab offers energizing, enjoyable workouts. The focus is on how you feel—energized, empowered, and vibrant—not just how you look.

Thrive Through Consistency

Rather than aiming for perfection, the Lab encourages consistent movement that fits into real life. Small, regular steps build momentum, helping you thrive day after day.

Thriving for the Long Term

The ultimate goal of the Weight Loss Health Lab is to help you glow not just today, but for years to come.

Building Habits for Longevity

Every aspect of the Lab’s philosophy—from nutrition to fitness to mindset—is designed for longevity. By building habits rooted in balance and joy, members lay the foundation for a lifetime of well-being.

Happiness is the True Measure of Success

At the end of the day, the most important outcome isn’t a smaller dress size or a lower number on the scale. It’s the happiness, confidence, and vibrant energy you radiate from within.

Real-Life Transformations that Inspire

The stories coming out of the Weight Loss Health Lab community are a testament to what’s possible when you commit to yourself.

Strength You Can Feel

Members report feeling stronger in every sense—lifting heavier weights, handling stress with more ease, and embracing challenges with confidence.

Healing Beyond the Scale

True victories are often invisible: emotional healing, rekindled self-esteem, and newfound peace with food and body.

Happiness That Shines

The ultimate transformation is the glow that members carry with them into every area of life—from careers to relationships to personal goals.

Conclusion: Embrace Your Inner Glow Today

The Weight Loss Health Lab isn’t just a place to lose weight—it’s a place to reclaim your glow, your joy, and your life. By focusing on body & fitness, health & diet, positive energy, self-love, and healing, you set the stage for lasting strength, balance, and happiness.

If you're ready to energize your life, find your inner glow, and thrive for years to come, the Weight Loss Health Lab is the community you've been waiting for. Your journey to longevity, well-being, and radiant joy starts now.

[dryorellmanonmatos]

Your Wrist, Restoring Your Life: Wrist Surgery

The human wrist is a remarkable and complex joint that plays a vital role in our daily lives. It allows us to perform a wide range of tasks, from the simplest of activities, like holding a cup, to the most intricate and skilled movements. However, when wrist injuries or conditions occur, they can have a significant impact on our overall well-being and quality of life.

The Importance of Wrist Function

The wrist is a remarkable feat of engineering, combining bones, ligaments, and tendons to provide a wide range of motion and flexibility. This enables us to engage in a variety of tasks, from writing and typing to sports and leisure activities. When wrist function is impaired, it can lead to pain, weakness, and a reduced range of motion, severely limiting our ability to perform these essential daily tasks.

The Consequences of Wrist Conditions

Wrist injuries and conditions, such as fractures, carpal tunnel syndrome, arthritis, and ligament tears, can have a profound impact on an individual's quality of life. These issues can result in chronic pain, limited mobility, and a decreased ability to perform basic self-care activities, such as dressing, grooming, and preparing meals. The consequences can be far-reaching, affecting one's employment, social interactions, and overall physical and mental well-being.

Wrist Surgery: Restoring Function and Reclaiming Life

Fortunately, advancements in wrist surgery have provided healthcare providers with the expertise and tools to address a wide range of wrist conditions, improving patient outcomes and enhancing overall quality of life. Wrist surgeons possess the specialized knowledge and skills to:

Accurately diagnose the underlying cause of wrist problems through comprehensive evaluation and advanced imaging techniques.

Develop personalized treatment plans that address the specific needs and goals of each patient.

Utilize cutting-edge surgical techniques, such as minimally invasive procedures, fixation devices, and joint replacement, to restore wrist function and stability.

Collaborate with a multidisciplinary team, including physical and occupational therapists, to ensure a comprehensive approach to rehabilitation and recovery.

Transforming Lives through Wrist Surgery

By restoring wrist function through effective surgical intervention and comprehensive rehabilitation, patients can regain their independence and reclaim their quality of life. This allows them to:

Perform daily self-care tasks with ease

Engage in meaningful hobbies and leisure activities

Maintain employment and financial stability

Participate in social interactions and community involvement

Improve overall physical and mental well-being

The Ripple Effect of Wrist Surgery

The transformative power of wrist surgery extends beyond the individual patient. By restoring wrist function and mobility, patients can once again contribute to their families, communities, and society as a whole. This positive impact not only benefits the patient but also their loved ones, who can witness the profound changes and the restoration of their loved one's independence and well-being.

In conclusion, wrist surgery is a powerful tool that can significantly enhance an individual's quality of life. By entrusting their care to skilled wrist surgeons, patients can reclaim their independence, participate in the activities they love, and ultimately, restore their lives.

[awesome-luciano-blog]

Navigating Today's Turbulence: The Imperative of Adaptation for Mental Well-being

In a world rife with chaos, economic uncertainties, and rapidly evolving work environments, the ability to adapt has become not just a survival skill but a crucial determinant of mental well-being. The relentless pace of change, exacerbated by global crises and technological advancements, has left many feeling overwhelmed and struggling to cope. As we navigate these tumultuous waters, it's imperative to understand the profound impact that adaptation, or the lack thereof, can have on our mental health.

The Chaos Around Us

From political upheavals to environmental catastrophes, the chaos surrounding us seems ceaseless. The unpredictability of these events can trigger feelings of anxiety, stress, and helplessness. Moreover, the constant bombardment of negative news through media channels can exacerbate these emotions, leaving individuals feeling emotionally drained and desensitized.

The Economy and Work

The economic landscape is undergoing a seismic shift, driven by factors such as globalization, automation, and now, the aftermath of global pandemics. Traditional job roles are being disrupted, industries are evolving at breakneck speed, and the concept of job security is becoming increasingly elusive. This uncertainty can breed feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and fear of the unknown, all of which take a toll on mental well-being.

The Impact on Mental Health

The inability to adapt to the chaos, economic volatility, and evolving work dynamics can have profound effects on mental health. Persistent stress, anxiety, and depression are common manifestations of this struggle. Left unaddressed, these mental health challenges can spiral into more severe conditions, affecting every aspect of one's life, from personal relationships to physical health.

The Importance of Adaptation

Adaptation is not merely about survival; it's about thriving in the face of adversity. It involves embracing change, cultivating resilience, and developing coping mechanisms to navigate life's uncertainties. Those who can adapt effectively are better equipped to withstand the storms, bounce back from setbacks, and find opportunities for growth amid chaos.

Strategies for Adaptation

Cultivate Resilience: Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity. Building resilience involves developing a positive mindset, fostering social connections, and practicing self-care techniques such as mindfulness and exercise.

Embrace Change: Instead of resisting change, embrace it as an opportunity for growth. Stay flexible and open-minded, and view challenges as learning experiences rather than insurmountable obstacles.

Focus on What You Can Control: In chaotic times, it's easy to feel overwhelmed by circumstances beyond our control. Instead of fixating on what you can't change, focus on what you can control—your attitude, actions, and responses.

Seek Support: Don't be afraid to reach out for support when needed. Whether it's talking to a trusted friend, seeking therapy, or joining support groups, having a support network can provide invaluable assistance during difficult times.

Prioritize Self-Care: Make self-care a priority, even when life gets hectic. Set boundaries, practice relaxation techniques, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

The Consequences of Non-Adaptation

Failing to adapt to the world around us can have dire consequences for mental health. Chronic stress, anxiety disorders, and depression are just a few of the potential outcomes. Moreover, the inability to adapt can hinder personal and professional growth, leading to missed opportunities and a diminished quality of life.

In conclusion, adaptation is not a choice but a necessity in today's fast-paced and unpredictable world. By cultivating resilience, embracing change, and prioritizing self-care, individuals can safeguard their mental well-being and thrive amidst chaos. Remember, in the words of Charles Darwin, "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change."

[brownskinallure]

Prioritizing Inner Bliss Over Outer Beauty

What if I start with my conclusion first will get into the end faster help you analyze the in between and really solve your issue? If so, here it is. Shifting our focus from solely chasing the idealized aesthetic of looking good to concentrating on genuinely feeling good empowers us to embrace our true selves, appreciate our own unique beauty, and cultivate meaningful connections. Let's prioritize inner happiness and support one another in our pursuit of joy, acceptance, and contentment. By doing so, we can create a kinder, more compassionate world that values authenticity and true wellbeing over superficial beauty standards. Remember, happiness is a journey, not a destination.

In a world where society constantly bombards us with images of supposed "perfection," it's easy to become fixated on external appearances. However, what if we shifted our focus towards something more valuable: the pursuit of genuine happiness and inner contentment? Embracing the idea that feeling good trumps looking good can ultimately lead to a more fulfilling and joyful life. By embracing authenticity, self-acceptance, and fostering genuine connections, we can create a better, happier world for all.

In a culture that often values conformity, the pressure to fit into specific beauty standards can be overwhelming. However, the key to true happiness lies in embracing our uniqueness and celebrating our individual qualities. By focusing on being our authentic selves, we cultivate a sense of inner confidence and contentment that no external beauty standards can provide.

Perfection is an illusion; every one of us has flaws, whether physical or otherwise. Instead of striving for an unattainable ideal, embracing our imperfections allows us to develop self-compassion and appreciate the beauty within ourselves. By fostering self-acceptance, we free ourselves from the chains of self-judgment, enabling us to prioritize our wellbeing and happiness.

While the pursuit of beauty for the sake of appearances may garner fleeting attention, it's genuine connections that bring lasting happiness. True happiness flourishes when we surround ourselves with supportive, understanding, and authentic individuals. By prioritizing meaningful relationships based on empathy, compassion, and shared values, we create a community that actively promotes mutual happiness.

While focusing on physical appearance may temporarily boost self-esteem, true happiness is derived from nurturing our mental and emotional wellbeing. Engaging in self-care practices such as mindfulness, meditation, and cultivating positivity can improve overall happiness levels. By investing time and energy into activities that bring us joy and contentment, we can create a ripple effect that positively impacts those around us.

Should I run it back to the top for you?

[floridacounselingforall]

New Year’s Resolutions: Establishing Realistic Mental Health Goals and Exploring Your “Super Powers”

As we approach 2024, many of us make resolutions, often related to physical health, career goals or personal aspirations. But let’s turn our focus inward this year and explore our mental health – an area where we hold immense power over thoughts, actions, feelings attitudes decisions and more. By understanding and harnessing these aspects we can break negative cycles practice self-care set healthy boundaries invest our energy wisely.

At times, we may find ourselves dwelling on the past, worrying about the future, or focusing on others’ actions and unforeseen events. However, all these elements are beyond our control. The more time you spend fixated on what you can’t control, the further you drift from your true superpower. Taking 100% responsibility means recognizing that you do have control; you possess a superpower, and it’s essential to determine which areas you need to empower.

Look at the list below and rate each aspect from 0 to 5 — where 0 is lacking and 5 is fully charged. You can continue to enhance your strengths, those areas that are supercharged, or you can begin to work on empowering your weaker areas.

To make this process engaging and structured, let’s identify 12 ‘mental health super powers’—one for each month of the year. This approach allows us to focus on and develop a specific aspect of our mental well-being each month, culminating in a year of significant personal growth and empowerment.

Discovering Your Mental Health SuperPower:

1. “What I invest my energy in”– Be mindful where and how you invest your energy. Engaging in positive activities and surrounding yourself with supportive people can uplift your spirit.

Where do I most frequently direct my energy each day, and how does this align with my personal values and goals?

Which activities or people in my life energize me, and which ones drain me?

How does the way I invest my energy impact my emotional and mental well-being?

What changes can I make to invest more energy in activities and relationships that are fulfilling and nurturing?

Am I investing enough energy in self-care and personal growth, and if not, what can I do to improve this?

2. “How I take care of myself”– Allowing time for yourself isn’t selfish-it’s essential! From taking relaxing baths and nature walks to engaging in favorite hobbies and other forms of self-renewal activities, prioritize activities that rejuvenate you to ensure optimal wellness.

What daily or weekly self-care practices do I currently have in place, and how effective are they in enhancing my well-being?

When I feel stressed or overwhelmed, what are my go-to strategies for self-soothing and recovery?

How do I balance taking care of others with taking care of myself, and where can I improve this balance?

3. “I have control of My thoughts”– Thoughts play a powerful role in our emotional state and behavior. We cannot control every single thought we have but by cultivating a positive mindset and attitude, we can more successfully face life’s challenges.

When I am upset what is the narrative I am telling myself?

How often do my thoughts align with reality, and how can I distinguish between irrational fears and valid concerns?

In challenging situations, how can I reframe my thoughts to focus on potential positive outcomes or learning opportunities?

How do my recurring thoughts impact my daily life, relationships, and overall well-being?

4. “I have control of My feelings”– Working on emotional self-regulation is vital for well-being. It involves acknowledging and understanding your emotions, not suppressing them. Whether it’s through deep breathing, mindfulness meditation, or journaling, finding healthy outlets for emotions is crucial. Regular practice of these techniques can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling emotional life.

What are the common triggers that lead to intense emotional responses in me?

How do my emotions manifest physically in my body, and what are the signs that an emotional response is beginning?

How do I typically react when experiencing strong emotions, and what are healthier alternatives to these reactions?

What coping strategies work best for me in managing difficult emotions, and how can I make them a regular part of my routine?

How can I practice self-compassion and kindness towards myself, especially when dealing with challenging emotions?

What can my emotions teach me about my needs, boundaries, and values?

5. “I have control of My Actions”- Being mindful of your actions is a key step towards self-empowerment and personal growth. It’s about making conscious choices that align with your values and goals. Whether it’s pursuing meaningful activities, setting boundaries, or practicing self-discipline, intentional actions create a life that reflects your true self and aspirations

Am I making intentional actions or are they mainlyreactions of my daily life?

How can I ensure that my daily actions align with my long-term goals and values?

Which of my current habits are beneficial, and which ones do I need to change or eliminate?

What strategies can I use to strengthen my self-discipline, especially in challenging situations?

How can I constructively reflect on past actions that didn’t yield the desired results, and what can I learn from them?

6. The power of words– How I speak to myself- our internal dialogue matters! Be kind and compassionate in how you talk to yourself. Replace negative thoughts with affirmations statements and positive statements for optimal health.

What daily or weekly self-care practices do I currently have in place, and how effective are they in enhancing my well-being?

When I feel stressed or overwhelmed, what are my go-to strategies for self-soothing and recovery?

How do I balance taking care of others with taking care of myself, and where can I improve this balance?

Do I regularly check in with myself to understand my needs and feelings, and how can I make this a more consistent practice?

7. My Attitude- Having a positive attitude is like a superpower for your mental health, helping you stay strong and upbeat even when things get tough. Though you cannot control every event that happens to us in life, what you can control is how we interpret those events.

Does my attitude aligns with and supports my personal and professional goals?

How am l dealing with negative thoughts or attitudes?

What is the nature of my internal self-talk, and how can I make it more positive and supportive?

How does my attitude impact my interactions with others and my daily experiences?

8. Setting Boundaries- Establishing boundaries can be essential to mental wellbeing, helping reduce stress levels and build healthy relationships.

Do I say yes to others because I can say no?

Am I a people’s pleaser?

What are my current boundaries, and how effectively am I communicating and enforcing them?

In which areas of my life do I feel the need to establish stronger boundaries?

9. Breaking cycles- Recognizing harmful patterns in your life is critical, because once identified they give you the power to break them and create healthier habits.

Have you noticed a negative pattern in your behavior or thoughts? What situation do they typically arise?

Are you usually trying to please others and have a hard time saying no!

How do these patterns align or conflict with the person I aspire to be or the life I want to lead?

10. The Power of Words– How I speak to others-

In what ways do I use words to uplift others, and how often do I engage in this practice?

Can I identify instances where my words may have unintentionally hurt someone, and what did I learn from those experiences?

Am I listening to the conversation or just reacting to a comment?

11. How I spend my time and develop positive Habits– Your choice in how you spend your time can have an enormous impact on your mental wellbeing. Prioritise activities that bring joy and fulfillment over those which sap energy from you. Creating habits that promote both mental and physical well-being can have profound effects on your mood and energy levels.

How much time do I actually spend on various activities throughout the day, and does this reflect my stated priorities?

Do these activities bring me happiness? Are they adding value and meaning to my life, or simply taking away from it?

How much of my time is spent doing things I enjoy versus things I feel obligated to do?

Which of my current habits have the most significant impact on my daily life and overall well-being?

12. “My decisions”– Every decision we take have an effect on our lives, so choose decisions that align with your values and goals, while prioritizing those which support mental wellbeing.

Be Patient and Kind to Yourself: Change can take time; be kind to yourself during this journey by being understanding of setbacks as part of the experience.

Conclusion As we welcome in 2024, let’s embrace our mental health ‘super power.’ By being more aware of our thoughts, actions, feelings and how we use our time and energy, we can set realistic goals to foster healthier minds and achieve an improved state of being. Remember: the journey toward improved mental wellbeing is ongoing – let this year be filled with growth, self-discovery and empowerment!

If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment or you’d like more information, please contact us.

[harmonyhealinghub]

The Power of Being Kind to Yourself: A Path towards True Happiness 

Shaina Tranquilino

September 14, 2023

In a world that often urges us to be kind and compassionate towards others, we tend to overlook an equally crucial aspect of kindness – being kind to ourselves. We are often our harshest critics, pushing ourselves relentlessly in pursuit of success while neglecting our own well-being. However, embracing self-kindness is not only essential for our personal growth but also for cultivating lasting happiness. Let's explore the transformative power of being kind to oneself.

1. Acknowledge Your Worth:

One fundamental step towards self-kindness is acknowledging your inherent worthiness as a human being. Often, we measure our value based on external achievements or societal expectations. Instead, remind yourself that you deserve love, compassion, and care simply because you exist. Embrace self-acceptance by appreciating your strengths, achievements, and unique qualities.

2. Practice Self-Compassion:

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same warmth and understanding you would extend to a loved one facing challenges or setbacks. It means offering yourself support rather than judgment when things go wrong or when mistakes occur. By practicing self-compassion, you cultivate resilience and reduce negative self-talk, fostering a more positive mindset.

3. Prioritize Self-Care:

Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being should be non-negotiable. Make self-care an integral part of your routine; prioritize activities that nourish your body and soul. Engage in hobbies you enjoy, spend time in nature, get enough sleep, eat nutritious meals, exercise regularly, and practice mindfulness or meditation techniques to enhance your overall sense of well-being.

4. Set Realistic Expectations:

Setting unrealistic goals or constantly striving for perfection can lead to immense stress and disappointment if not achieved. Instead, set realistic expectations that align with your abilities and circumstances. Celebrate progress rather than fixating on perceived failures. By setting achievable goals, you'll experience a sense of accomplishment, boost your self-esteem, and nurture feelings of kindness towards yourself.

5. Cultivate Positive Self-Talk:

The words we use when speaking to ourselves can greatly impact our self-perception and well-being. Replace harsh self-criticism with positive affirmations and gentle encouragement. Challenge negative thoughts by questioning their validity or replacing them with more realistic perspectives. Be patient and forgiving with yourself as you navigate life's challenges, treating yourself like a trusted friend.

6. Surround Yourself with Supportive Relationships:

Surrounding yourself with people who uplift and inspire you is vital for fostering self-kindness. Seek out relationships that are built on love, understanding, and support rather than judgment or criticism. Genuine connections provide a nurturing environment where you can grow, learn from one another, and celebrate each other's successes.

Being kind to oneself is not an act of selfishness but rather a prerequisite for leading a fulfilling life. Embracing self-kindness allows us to cultivate inner peace, happiness, and resilience in the face of adversity. Remember, by prioritizing your own well-being through acts of self-compassion, acknowledging your worthiness, practicing self-care, setting realistic expectations, cultivating positive self-talk, and surrounding yourself with supportive relationships – you're empowering yourself to live authentically and embrace the joy that comes from within.

[creaturefeaster]

Could the ching fans get a rundown of his personality pretty please 🥺🥺

Hell yeah it's Ching day baby!

Out of host:

Initially, Ching may come across as stoic, laid-back and chill. His mouth does not emote the same as most other mimes, and his general expression is always that of disinterest. However, he's very friendly and agreeable to those who get to know him.

He finds the quirks of living to be fun and amusing, and adapts quick to the customs of humanity. He's got a general knack for adaptability over all. As such, he is quick to make friends with the living and gain their trust.

But he's also a notorious liar. Most of his mime friends know this, but his new friends in the physical realm do not. He doesn't really lie to get away with things, though. It's more habitual than anything.

He'll just casually lie about his friends, his own experiences, anything he deems insignificant enough to not really have much of an impact. Like, he wouldn't lie about imminent danger, or vital aspects of a plan. It's enough though for a lot of the mimes to not trust him about much of anything.

He is generally well meaning otherwise, though. He is reliable when put to a task, great at reading a room and can be good at de-escalating tension with humor or his chill demeanor, and isn't really tied to one side of conflict often-- so he helps wherever he can, not just for who he thinks is right or wrong.

In host:

Not a lot seems to be carried over from his true self, aside from the liar liar pants on fire bit. He is even worse with his lying habit in-host, but because he's so much more fun and silly, and an even better wordsmith, it all flies under the radar.

He's a lot more expressive, more caring, and giddy about everything he does. He often gets so flushed with excitement that he clams up, excuses himself, and ends up in little giggle fits. It kind of ends up being rather adorable.

When there's nothing to do or engage in though, he easily becomes understimulated. He gets quiet, brooding, and can't sit in one spot for long-- unless he has something to occupy himself with of course. It tends to be at night that he falls into these ruts, which is why he is either found watching people sleep, or wandering aimlessly until something piques his interest.

His host makes him considerably more obsessive, and these obsessions are generally in line with his interests. Out of host he can be somewhat morbid without realising it, and so in-host, he tends to fixates on much darker things. It is entirely masked by his happy-go-lucky attitude, though. Much like his lying, this flies under the radar as well.

Like I've said before, he's silly and funny, until hes a weird little creep. It fluctuates all the time, in a cocktail of conflicting host-to-controller minds, as well as the general rhythm of plant people, where they have most of their positive energy at high noon, and go into low mood when the sun goes down.

I think overall he can be described as an untrustworthy but otherwise fun friend to all.

[spectaclespencer]

P.H. // Part 3; Need To Know

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

A/N; Chapter 3!! Yay! I will not lie I got kind of lazy and burnt out when I finally got to the smut scene, and for that I am sorry. I’ll make it up to you guys with a future chapter.

Summary; Reader can’t get her mind off of Spencer, which causes distractions at work. Until one day when he catches on.

Category; Smut (Minors DNI!!!)

Content Warnings; Swearing, Kissing, Mentions of masturbation, Unprotected sex, Fingering, Oral (Male receiving), Drinking, Mentions of being shot, Kinda Sub!Spencer, Virgin!Spencer (but not by the end of it)

Word Count; 7.2k

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Previous | Next

‘Wanna know what it's like (like)

Baby, show me what it's like (like)

I don't really got no type (type)

I just wanna fuck all night’

Spencer Reid. The object of my attraction, the man I fell harder for with every stolen glance I could manage to throw his way. I was obsessed, and that infatuation only grew stronger every day that I saw him at work.

When we went out to bars after cases we ended up in an inevitable game of Never Have I Ever like a bunch of high school kids. With Emily and Derek in the group it almost always turned sexual. It started with innocent things such as; Never have I ever kicked down a door -- to which Derek drinks. There were some targeted jabs, I got Spencer a few times when I brought up an activity I was certain he had done -- just to keep him involved.

However he never drank past that. He never took a sip when Emily made a sexual innuendo, or when she brought up one night stands, number of partners, most bizarre location to engage in intercourse. Nothing of the sort got him to break. I figured he was a private guy, never one to boast about his sexual experiences.

It was frustrating, to say the least. It got to the point where I couldn’t think about anyone but him. I couldn’t engage in any sexual activity without my mind shifting to him, the way he might slip his fingers in and out of me, or how skilled he was with his mouth instead of the person I dragged home. No other person could even begin to compare to the remedy I concocted in my mind. I didn’t have any information to base my fantasies on, either.

I had it bad. So bad, that at one point I spilled hot coffee all over myself in the breakroom over the littlest interaction.

Spencer came in just after me, mumbling a small hello before reaching to grab a mug for himself. In the process of doing so his shirt rode up, exposing a small expanse of his lower stomach that had me sputtering as I clumsily missed my cup and instead poured the coffee all over the counter. It ran down and soaked through my pants; yet it wasn’t nearly as hot as the way I felt on the inside.

I couldn’t help but wonder the noises he’d make if I were to suck dark purple marks across that plain of skin...or if anyone ever had before.

The small burn was a fine price to pay for my inappropriate thoughts.

Him being the sweet guy that he is, offered to help me clean up. This proposal ended up with him taking paper towels and patting down my thighs -- not realizing just how suggestive the action looked to me.

“Sorry,” He whispered, looking up at my face from his position below me. He was kneeling on one knee, with a hand planted firmly on the outside of my thigh. His voice was soft yet raspy, and oh how I let my mind wander.

“Not your fault,” I said quickly, and borderline ran out the door before he could protest or add anything on.

I headed straight to the bathroom to wash my face, try and stop the effect he had on me from becoming too physical.

If I got that worked up over a small piece of skin showing, nothing could have prepared me for the first night we shared a hotel room.

I was in shambles all night, ever since the moment Hotch handed me a room card and explained we needed to double up.

Emily usually roomed with JJ, Hotch and Rossi got their own, and Derek refuses to bunk with Spencer -- if he could avoid it. Much to my luck, this time he did because Garcia was needed for this case, meaning she and Derek would be sharing.

Leaving me with Spencer.

I stood there helpless, eyes burning a hole into the place that Hotch was previously standing. I was panicking on the inside, my body going into fight or flight mode as I went through scenarios in my head.

I was 99% sure I would be embarrassing myself tonight.

“Hey,” Spencer said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I jumped and shrieked a little bit, and slapped a hand over my heart. “Oh my god, Reid. You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he laughed. “Sorry I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay.”

He nodded, eventually realizing that he was still indeed touching my shoulder. He dropped his arm, only to bring his hand back up to rub over his chin.

My eyes darted down to it, watching at the way his veins stood out. It wasn’t the first time I admired them, there were moments when he was going over maps with two fingers where I wondered what they would feel like on my-

“____?”

“What?” I asked, a little too loud for the setting.

“Did you hear me?”

“No, sorry.”

“I said we should go inside,” he laughed softly, trying to sooth the tension.

I agreed, stepping past him to start walking to our room. I opened the door with trembling hands, wondering just how hard the following nights at the hotel would be.

“I’m gonna go see Emily and JJ. Ask if they wanna go to the bar,” I said quickly, throwing my bag down just inside the door.

“Oh. Okay. Have fun! Don’t stay out too late. You should get a full night’s sleep.”

“I won’t be long. Don’t wait up!” I called, not looking back to see him before half jogging out of the room.

-----

“I cannot go back in there.”

“Oh, because of your little crush,” Emily laughed, much too loud for the early hours of the morning.

Clearly Spencer’s advice about coming back early didn’t plant itself in my head.

“Yes, because of that,” I confirmed. I was staring down at my drink, wallowing in self pity. It was too awkward to even step foot in there, I’m sure just by the sight of him I’d explode.

“What is it about him that gets you hot and heavy?” JJ teased. “No shame, just curious.”

I fake laughed, ignoring her question.

Everything he did was so intoxicating. Even the most mundane things got my blood pumping hard. Each time he let a small gasp through his lips or when he would whisper to himself, a shockwave went through me, igniting a fire deep inside that was near impossible to put out.

But he was so oblivious. He hadn’t a single idea of the effect he had on me. And that was the most frustrating part.

The first time I noticed my extreme attraction to him was shortly after I joined the team, it was only the third or fourth case I’d had with them. Spencer and I walked to a coffee shop to grab some for everyone, and on the way back he was infodumping.

About what, I can’t remember, for I was too fixated on the way his hands wrapped around his cup as he talked. He’d wave it around, and in doing so his fingers would trace little patterns onto the outside of it. I didn't mean to stare, I just got distracted.

I started noticing more little things after that.

Like the way he licked his lips while deep in thought, his mind consuming him to the point where he looked so concentrated and determined. It was hot, to put it simply. I wanted nothing more for him to be licking my lips, to feel him take such care with my body.

He had always been attractive in my eyes, the young boy was nothing but pretty. Even when his hair was shorter and he gelled it back, pairing the look with his glasses -- that he unfortunately wore less often nowadays.

It was nearly painful to be around him all day every day. My head would constantly be spinning with anxiety, only causing more and more headaches to present themselves. It was like a punishment, one I certainly deserved for the tasteful thoughts I had during work hours.

My crush went from an innocent little thing, to full fledged fascination.

‘I just been fantasizin' (size)

And we got a lotta time (time)

Baby, come throw the pipe (pipe)’

Avoiding him as much as I could seemed like a decent plan at the time. If I kept my interactions low, I could distract myself with other things, and not focus on the way his lips pursed as I conversed with him. I raced up more time staring at his mouth rather than completing actual work by my six month stay at the BAU.

“I’m so fucked,” I nodded, coming to a bit of peace with my downfall.

“Well, you could be. If you told him how you feel,” JJ encouraged.

“No way in hell,” I protested, shooting my head up to make eye contact with her.

“____, there is a very, very high chance he feels the same. And if he doesn’t -- which he does -- he’s too sweet to let that impact your friendship.”

“We hardly even have a friendship. Whenever he tries to talk to me I end up running away. He probably thinks I hate him or something. He probably wants nothing to do with me.”

No objection from Emily or JJ there.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Emily asked, changing the pace of the conversation.

“He never speaks to me again. I die of embarrassment.”

“You’re both adults, ____.”

“We are 27!” I shook my head, exasperated. “I hardly even feel like one sometimes.”

“27, exactly. I’m sure by now Reid has gained some experience with talking to women. You’ll be fine.”

“I have absolutely no way of knowing how things will go.”

“Just give him little tests,” JJ suggested. “Like touch him. On the shoulders, compliment him more, really go up to him and make a move. That way if he doesn’t feel the same you can play it off as being platonic.”

I groaned and rested my head on the table dramatically. “You both kinda suck at advice. What am I supposed to do? Waltz into our shared room and confess my love for him? Ask him desperately to dick me down?”

Even though I definitely wanted to.

They laughed at that, saying they were going to bed and wished me luck. Emily advised I should try and ‘get some’ from somebody else, and maybe that would take my mind off of things.

After stalling some more I eventually made my way back to the hotel room, hoping that Spencer was already asleep so I wouldn’t have to face him. But once again, luck wasn’t in my favour.

“Hi,” he spoke softly from his bed.

“Why are you still awake?” I asked, trying my best to stifle a yawn. I threw my sweater down on my bed, before grabbing my go-bag and retrieving my pyjamas from it. “It’s almost one in the morning.”

“I wanted to make sure you got back okay.”

“I told you not to wait up. Naughty boy,” I joked, finally turning my attention fully over to him.

Which could've been a mistake, based on the way you saw it.

He was dressed in flannel pants and a black t-shirt, along with his hair tied up that I’d failed to notice earlier. I froze at the sight, seeing the way his cheeks were dusted a slight red, and lips pink as ever.

His hair was tied up, and I almost dropped dead at the sight. I’d never seen it before. Sure, he sometimes wore an elastic band on his wrist during the work days but never have I seen him actually use one.

“I’m gonna shower and then head to bed,” I said in an effort to keep my voice steady.

He didn’t respond, only turning his head back to the book that was in his hand.

Thankfully when I returned he was asleep, meaning I didn’t have to see him before bed.

The next day was torturous. I couldn’t get the image of him out of my head. The view of him so relaxed on his bed was ethereal, the soft glow of the lamp hand illuminated his skin in all the right places. Did he pull his hair back often? Did he casually sit at home with it up? How did he look in different angles or positions? Are there other things he wears or does that I haven’t seen?

The image was just so domestic that I couldn't stop thinking about it even if I wanted to.

I was afraid to fall asleep, in fear that my dream may turn adventurous. Quitting my job and moving to a new city seems more preferable than having a sex dream about your coworker while they were in the room.

I was hyper aware of every move he made, always keeping tabs on him in the back of my mind so we wouldn’t accidentally run into each other.

Apparently when I was paying attention on how not to see him, I failed to notice how he had filled out recently. He wore looser pants in the past, ones that didn’t allow much shape to show through.

The next day at the precinct I was in for a surprise though, one that was sure to make me fall to my knees.

And I would have, if it wasn’t for the fact I was already seated in a chair.

Spencer walked in clad in pants that were far too tight to be appropriate for work. Or maybe I was overreacting.

“Jesus Christ,” I muttered under my breath, soaking in his appearance of the day.

It was hot outside, so he decided not to wear his usual vest and tie combo, choosing instead just a white pattern button up and grey tie.

I heard Emily snicker beside me, which earned her a light kick in the calf to shut her up. She got up then, winking at me dramatically before leaving the room to presumably go check in with Derek.

“Hey ____, can you come here for a sec?”

I got up without a word, and walked over to the other side of the room where he was standing at the map hung up.

He went off about the unsub’s possible comfort zone -- things that I’d need him to repeat later because I wasn’t fully listening,

I stayed leaning against the table, just two feet behind him which gave me a perfect view of just how tight those pants really were. They hugged his hips deliciously, I wanted nothing more than to rip them off in that moment. I nodded along dumbly, changing my sight from his ass to his back, to his toned arms that were shown off from him rolling up his sleeves.

It was a fair sight, I don’t really think I could be blamed for staring.

A few weeks after that he got a haircut. His longer curls were gone -- yet not forgotten -- and were replaced with a mop of messy waves that framed his face perfectly.

It was like a new blow to my stomach every time I got used to the change.

“New haircut?” I asked the obvious on the first day back from a long weekend.

“Yeah...thought I should change it up,” Spencer replied, picking up his coffee mug to make himself a cup.

I nodded, the room settling in a short silence.

“Do you not like it?”

“No!” I exclaimed, Spencer furrowing his brows in response. “I mean, yes. I do like it. Sorry.”

“Oh, okay,” he laughed. “Thank you.”

“You could pull off any hairstyle, trust me,” I said, before walking back to my desk.

People that we met seemed to feel the same, because he got stopped more often at bars and at shops that were needed to visit. People would give him their numbers, leaving him a blushing mess. It got obnoxious, to the point where I was at my breaking point. My shoulders were always slumped, and my forehead creased with jealousy.

I stayed closer to him when the team went out, in an effort to get other girls to stop making moves on him.

They hadn’t noticed his beauty before, why should they get the privilege to advance on him now?

It was selfish, really. It may have been good for his self-confidence, but not so good for my own feelings.

I made sure to compliment him more often, telling him I liked his sweater vests, and ‘oh my Doctor Reid, is that a new tie?’ It was a win-win really, for both of us. I was building up my comfort level with him, and he knew that I did not, in fact, despise him.

When Spencer got shot on a case a few weeks later, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to show him that I care about him.

It was an easy job, since the bullet only semi-grazed his shoulder blade. Only needed deep cleaning once a night, for a few weeks so it wouldn’t get infected.

“Fuck,” he breathed with a groan, one that sent shivers throughout my veins.

“Sorry,” I answered quickly, keeping my gaze on the task at hand and not on his face that was just so close to mine.

Here I was in Spencer’s apartment, in his bathroom, helping him clean off his wound.

“I’m sorry but you need to stop moving, it’s just making things worse,” I explained.

“It hurts!”

“I’m sure it does! But I can’t do an effective job in cleaning it if you keep thrashing around like that.”

I saw him pout, and lower his head. The gears in his brain were turning, trying to come up with a possible solution.

“You’re going to need to hold me down.”

“What?!”

“I’m not gonna be able to stop moving,” he said, looking over his shoulder to where I was sitting behind him on the floor. “Come on.”

He stood up and left the room, gesturing for me to follow. And I did, collecting the supplies I’d need as he led me over to his living room.

Before I could protest he removed his shirt fully -- not like how it was bunched up by his neck previously.

I stopped in my tracks, eyes taking in every inch of skin that he freed. He was lean, as I predicted, but still toned in areas.

Spencer laid on his stomach down on the couch, motioning for me to come beside him.

“Get on my back.”

“Are you insane?”

“____,” he pleaded, looking up at me. His arms were crossed by his head, he was using them as a makeshift pillow. “I just want this to be over as fast as it can be.”

Right.

“Okay,” I agreed, and began to place my materials down on the coffee table to my right. I then swung a leg over his lower back, straddling him just how I’d imagine doing so before -- only the other way around. “Is this okay?”

He hummed, digging his face as far into the fabric of the couch as he could.

‘I got a lotta new tricks for you, baby

Just sayin' I'm flexible (I will)’

I took that as a yes, and poured some of the disinfectant onto a swab. Bracing myself with a hand on his other shoulder to pin him down firmly he shivered, breath shaking ever so slightly. I tried to catch him off guard with the swab, choosing a random time to press it into his wound.

He was definitely surprised, because he whined loudly into his hands and clenched all of the muscles in his back.

I couldn’t help but wonder if he made similar noises during other activities…

“Just a minute more,” I soothed him, running my free hand over the smooth skin of his back, doing my best to calm him down.

His breathing only became heavier, and was nearly shaking from the burn. I felt bad, having to see him go through this but I’d be lying if it wasn’t doing things to me. I couldn’t help but get a little bit excited when I got the chance to be near him, to be closer than we had ever been before.

It was intense, I was almost sure he could feel my arousal through the fabric of my pants and underwear.

I was an awful person.

Going home that night to sleep was a struggle. I felt guilty, for using his pain for my perverse temptations. Yet as soon as my fingers were buried inside myself I couldn’t stop myself from imagining him above me. The way he might sound, spewing out similar noises that I’d experienced earlier that were still fresh in my brain.

I wasn’t proud of it, and I thought every one of our interactions after that would be even harder.

Going back to work seemed fully impossible, I didn’t have any hope in myself to stay useful while he was parading around, completely oblivious to the effect he had on me. I became more sexually frustrated every day. It was nearly infuriating to see a look of innocence plastered on his face, meanwhile he would do things that made me go crazy.

‘Wanna know what it's like (like)

Baby, show me what it's like (like)

I don't really got no type (type)

I just wanna fuck all night’

“Penelope, I think I might die soon if I don’t get laid,” I said, rapidly opening the door to her cave.

“____-”

“No, I’m serious. I can’t get my mind off of-”

I stopped in my tracks, finally noticing the presence I hadn’t already accounted for.

Spencer sat in a chair to my left, just out of view that you couldn’t see him if you didn’t turn your head. He was in the middle of bringing a chip up to his mouth, but was stopped mid-air with his mouth hanging open.

“Sorry,” he said, scrambling up fast, bumping into things as he collected his satchel with shaky hands. “Sorry I’ll go.”

The door shut with a slam, and left Penelope and I in silence.

“Well, fuck,” I whispered, earning a booming laugh from her. “It’s not funny.”

“It is funny. It’s hilarious,” she giggled, doing a little spin on her chair.

I groaned, and sat down beside her on the edge of her desk.

“Maybe now he’ll make a move on you.”

“Oh shut up,” I slapped her arm, beginning to laugh along with her. “If he was avoiding me before, I’m sure he’ll never speak to me again.”

Ever since I helped Spencer with his injury the first time he’d been semi ignoring me, not trying to actively partake in conversation. We only talked when necessary, but didn’t exchange any extra words when I came over for an hour to help him with his wound.

I was almost happy about that, it meant I didn’t have to embarrassingly throw myself at him all day long.

I was perfectly fine admiring him from a distance, just how I’d done so for years.

However, there was a part of me that was rightfully sad. Did I cross a line, or make him feel uncomfortable? Maybe from spending so much time together recently he gathered I really wasn’t that interesting.

“Don’t say that,” Penelope frowned.

“Why not? It’s the truth,” I shrugged.

“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”

“How I feel?”

“Don’t even try and wedge your way out of it. Emily told me, don’t be mad,” she said, with the sweetest look on her face that I couldn’t be upset.

“Bitch,” I playfully mumbled.

“Besides you literally were about to say that you can’t get your mind off of him.”

“Uh, no, I was not. I was going to say someone. A general someone. Not Reid.”

She hummed, turning back to her screen to finish up some work Hotch had sent her to do.

“Okay fine. Pen, I’m gonna die. It’s insufferable. I can’t handle it anymore.”

“That’s exactly why you should tell him!” She encouraged excitedly, always a swooner for young love.

“I would scare him. He’s probably scared of me, actually.”

“Oh come on, I’m sure his little virgin heart can take it.”

“What?” I asked, suddenly giving her all my attention. “Virgin? Is he seriously a virgin?”

“I don’t know, truly. I just kinda figured. He doesn’t talk about anyone or anything to do with sex.”

I nodded. That makes sense. With him radiating pure sex appeal in my eyes, the thought never even crossed my mind that he might be a virgin.

But that just made it all the more exciting.

“But hey, if he’s really a 27 year old virgin I’m sure he’s extremely horny,” she laughed.

“We are at work. Let’s calm it down before I actually combust,” I shook my head.

My palms were sweating at the very thought of him doing anything remotely sexual -- which I thought about a lot. Surely he’s had to at least...taken care of himself. I’m sure it was a gorgeous sight, his hand wrapped firmly around his dick and face contorted in nothing but pleasure.

My thoughts were interrupted by none other than the man himself, who barged into the room to say we were taking off for a case in 30.

The flight there was quiet and boring, we left at night so there wasn’t so much we could do when we got there besides head up to our hotel.

“We’re sharing a room,” Spencer said, walking over to me from where he was previously with Derek.

I was standing in front of the vending machine, doing my very best to not eavesdrop on the mens’ conversation, which was only taking place about 20 feet away. Spencer was speaking in a hushed yet agitated tone, and Derek was matching his energy. It seemed they were bickering, but about what I didn’t know.

“Says who?” I panicked.

“Uhh...Hotch did.”

Great.

“Oh. Alright,” I followed him down the hallway, our room was the last one at the end.

I waited for him to open the door, and when he stepped out of the way to let me inside I brushed past him.

When I turned around Spencer was standing there blocking my path, causing me to bump into his chest.

“Hello...” I said confused, taking a step back.

“I…”

“What?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. “Spencer what are you doing?”

He didn’t answer with words, instead reaching up to push a piece of hair out of my face. My breath hitched at the contact, sending me into a short frenzy on the inside. He was inching closer, now his body was getting just close enough so that I could feel the heat radiating off of him. He was glancing back and forth between my eyes, searching my face for an expression of discomfort.

He didn’t find any.

“I was talking with Derek. About you,” he whispered. “He said you’ve been coming on to me.”

My heart nearly missed a beat at his words.

“I've noticed your odd behaviour, you don’t act the way you do with anyone else on the team. You run away from me, and at first I thought you just didn’t like me, but now...I think it’s the opposite. I see the way you look at me, you know.”

“And how do I look at you?” I questioned nervously.

“Like you want me. Tell me. Who were you talking about earlier today? Who exactly can’t get your mind off of?”

I paused, eyes almost bulging out of my head at the implication.

“If I'm reading this wrong, let me know. We can pretend this never happened.”

“Get on the bed and take your clothes off.”

He did just that, moving beside me to shove his pants down his legs, followed by ripping off his shirt, as I did the same. We couldn’t take our eyes off of each other, too busy drinking in our appearances to think straight. He sat down on the edge of the bed in just his underwear, and spread his legs just wide enough to give me space to stand between them.

“Tell me what you want.” he breathed, watching me as I walked towards him.

“You,” I answered simply, climbing into his lap and connecting my mouth was his. “All of you.”

He didn’t protest, only doing quite the opposite. He moaned greedily into my mouth, sucking every last bit of life out of me. He was hungry in his movements, not allowing for a single beat of fresh air for either of us. I was more than happy to return the energy, for I’ve dreamt for too long about what he might taste like. And it wasn’t disappointing, the sensation was far better than I could have ever cooked up in my head.

After a minute he became impatient, and started bucking his hips up to meet mine. I did the same, grinding down on his hardening dick that felt...impressive to say the least.

“I’ve thought about you for so long,” I spoke against his lips, taking a break between kisses.

He groaned back at me, moving his hands from my cheeks down to my hips to hold me flush against himself. He whimpered when I was fully against him, he had to break away to keep his breathing somewhat managed.

“Please, I need you so bad. I’ve thought about you too.”

“What exactly did you think about?” I asked quietly, trailing kisses all across his face, and then started heading down his jaw and neck.

“L-lots of stuff.”

“Tell me,” I demanded, looking up at him from my new position kneeling on the floor. “Please, tell me.”

I brought a hand up to his boxers, ghosting just over his bulge while remaining eye contact.

“Everything. All of you. ____, Please.”

‘You're exciting, boy, come find me

Your eyes told me, "Girl, come ride me"’

“Let me do something first,” I said, pushing against his stomach to encourage him to lie back on the bed. He did so, propping himself up on his forearms to look down at me.

He watched my every move, not a second was missed by his eyes that stayed locked onto my form. I dropped my head down to kiss across his left thigh, and toyed with the waistband of his underwear with my right hand.

He was so vocal, and I hadn’t even done anything yet. I knew we had all night, but I’d waited too long for this to take my time.

‘And we got a lotta time (time)

Baby, come throw the pipe (pipe)’

I pulled his underwear down just enough to reveal his dick hard and red as it stood up against his stomach.

“You don’t...have to,” Spencer stopped me before I could carry on.

“Do you not want me to?”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s just…” He stopped, and bit his lip while staring off to one of the walls.

“Has anyone ever done this with you before?” I asked, almost unsure of whether or not I wanted the answer.

“Done what...exactly?” he asked, refusing to look back at me. His cheeks were red in embarrassment, and he was too focused on the distance to see the wave of excitement that flashed over my face.

“Spencer,” I said sharply, prompting him to turn his attention back to me. “Are you a virgin?”

His lack of answer told me enough. He blushed impossibly deeper, and started squirming in place. Just as he was about to speak up for himself I stopped him with, “That’s so fucking hot.”

“What?”

I climbed back up his body, just far enough so that I could grab his jaw in my hand and pull him down to meet my lips. It was even more hungry and passionate than the previous ones we shared, full of such fire I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to kiss anyone else ever again.

“You’re so sexy,” I moaned, hot and needy into his mouth.

He was good, which wasn’t unexpected from my end. His lips were always so plump and pink, they just had to be semi skilled.

“Thank you,” he replied, in a typical Spencer Reid fashion.

“Do you want to stop? Or keep going? Take a minute and think about it. I don’t want to pressure you,” I reassured him, but on the inside I was begging for him to want to continue.

He pulled back for a second, running a hand over the back of my head to keep me from going too far. His eyes were closed, focusing only on his breathing as he thought about his answer.

“I want to keep going. Please,” he decided on, nodding his head. “I just, I dunno, didn’t expect to get this far tonight.”

“Believe me, neither did I,” I smirked, smashing my lips back against his and returning to my spot kneeling between his legs. I pushed him back harder than before, sending a small oof sound from his chest as his back hit the mattress.

“Has anyone ever touched you here?” I asked, finally wrapping my hand around his dick,

It only made sense that a pretty boy like him would have a pretty cock, too.

“O-only once,” he breathed, with his head thrown back. He was staring at the ceiling, staring at the dots to distract himself from the feeling and to not come too soon. “Long time ago.”

“If you need me to stop, tell me,” I said, before licking a broad strip up the underside of his dick.

I paused at the head, swirling my tongue around before continuing my mission back down around the other side. I kissed his base, leaving more near his hips. He whined positively -- probably feeling a little ticklish -- and I took that as a good sign to suck a deep purple mark there.

Just like I’d thought about doing months ago.

I left a few more just up to his belly button, marking him up with the intent to claim him as my own. He’d see those marks for the next few days, and every time he would think of me on my knees for him. I kept pumping him in my hand as I did so, and every time I groaned into his skin his dick twitched with appreciation.

“Oh god,” Spencer moaned as I took him into my mouth unexpectedly, bunching up the sheets in his hands beside his hips.

I looked up to see him now staring down at me, jaw slacked and panting heavily. The sight was enough to elicit a moan from my own mouth, which led to him fluttering his eyes shut at the vibrations that shot through his body.

“Stop, stop!”

“What’s wrong?” I asked worriedly, immediately pulling up.

“Nothing, I just really want to feel you and I don’t think I can last much longer.”

Understandable.

I wasn’t expecting him to last long anyways, I just simply wanted him inside me.

“Do you happen to have a condom?” He shook his head. “I’m clean and on the pill. We should be fine. Is that okay?”

He mumbled an ‘uh huh’ as he watched me stand up, as I pushed my underwear down my legs. He immediately reached out to me, bringing me back in and starting placing kisses across my stomach and hips, mirroring what I was doing to him earlier.

“Good, because if you don’t fuck me right now I think I might die.”

‘Yeah-yeah, oh-whoa-whoa (oh, ooh, mmm)

Baby, I need to know, mmm (yeah, need to know)’

He laughed lightheartedly, fixing himself to be sitting up near the headboard. In the process he kicked off his boxers fully, along with his socks.

I followed after him, not letting him stray too far from my reach.

“I heard that women take longer to, erm, get ready,” he muttered into my skin, hiding his face in my neck. “Let me help you?”

“Please,” I whimpered, though I knew I was far from unprepared. I reached behind myself to unclasp my bra, and as soon as it fell down my shoulders Spencer attached his mouth to my left nipple. “Please touch me.”

He moaned into me, bringing his hand down to my core to run his fingers through my folds. He let his middle breach me, moving so agonizingly slow before curling his finger up. I moaned loudly, letting my eyes shut and body fall slack against him. His free arm wrapped around my waist, giving me the support I needed to stay upright.

“So that’s your g-spot?” He grinned against my skin, and I’d be damned to admit it affected me way more than it should have. He sounded so innocent, so eager to learn.

“Uh-huh.”

He explored my skin greedily, brushing over every inch of my chest he could reach. His thrusts became faster every time he re-entered me, encouraged by the grunt that fell from my lips with each one.

“Have you ever done this with a girl before?”

“No,” he replied, moving from my breasts to my collarbone, leaving a dark purple mark in his path.

“Could've fooled me,” I felt him smile against my neck at the praise -- duly noted.

He flipped us over swiftly -- much to my surprise -- and continued with his actions on both my clit and entrance. I did my best to stay quiet, biting down on his shoulder to prevent any noises from leaking out to stop him from getting too cocky.

“Spencer,” I moaned, raking my fingernails up and down his back. “Stop. Please fuck me now, I’m ready.”

“Are you sure you want to? We can stop,” he reassured me in a voice that seemed far too innocent for the activities taking place.

“Spencer, I’m sure. I’m so fucking sure you have no idea.”

I was so turned on I could cry, the pure want running through my veins was starting to send panic signals throughout my whole body. Before I could beg him any further he replaced his fingers with his dick, catching me off guard. He ran the tip over me for a few seconds before gliding in easily, with little to no restriction at all.

“Ah!” I called, gripping onto his shoulder for dear life.

“I’m so sorry, oh my god did I hurt you?” Spencer asked frantically, removing his weight from me and tried sitting up.

“No. God please move, I need you so bad,” I pleaded, pulling him back down before he could get too far away.

He nodded. He started slow. So slowly that I wanted to scream and beg at the top of my lungs for more. However I was above giving him the satisfaction of that -- at least for now.

“You feel so good,” Spencer panted, hips shaking as he slid in and out at a torturous pace.

I pulled his lips back to mine for another kiss, drinking in everything he was willing to offer. I whined every time his body rubbed against my clit in a way that had my toes curling and eyes rolling back.

“This is so much better than I’ve imagined,” I moaned, breaking free from his mouth to lay back against the pillows. I wrapped my legs around his waist, aiding him with the speed of his thrusts. “Please, Spence, oh my god go harder.”

He moaned loudly, and lowered his head to my collarbone in an effort to muffle some of the noises he was letting out.

He followed my directions well -- and I took notes for the future.

The sounds of him bouncing off the walls was amplifying my pleasure to a new degree, it was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. His hips snapped forward impossibly faster, leaving him a whimpering mess above me. Our chests were pressed together, the sound of skin slapping and gliding over each other filled the dimly lit room.

“You’re doing so good for me,” I whispered into his neck, leaving open mouthed kisses here and there.

He moaned freely at all of the praise, and every time I urged him on he’d pick up his speed a little bit. He was now moving faster than I thought I could handle, slamming into me at the perfect angle.

I felt him everywhere. In my stomach, insides of my thighs, chest -- where he was now palming at one of my breasts -- and the crook of my neck. I hugged my arms around his middle to keep him locked against me, preventing his hips from heavily backing out.

“I’m really close,” He groaned, lifting his head to meet my eyes. “S-should I pull out now?”

“No,” I demanded, tightening my legs to keep him trapped. “Come inside me.”

He nodded with a particularly loud moan, and snaked one hand down my body to meet my clit. When I gave a sound of approval he quickened his wrist, rubbing me with just the right amount of pressure to send me closer to the edge.

He came with a final shout in my name, resting his full body weight against me as I rocked my him against him to help him through it. I finished soon after, at the feeling of him releasing himself in me. It was so warm, like a comforting blanket that overtook all of my senses.

It was possibly the best orgasm I’d ever had, it was so profound that I couldn’t see, or focus on anything else.

We laid there for a few minutes, my hand running through his hair and his ghosting up the side of my hip. It took a while for us both to catch our breaths, we were too immersed in the moment to break apart from one another.

“That was literally the best sex I’ve had in my life,” I breathed, staring up at the ceiling.

“Same, but I don’t have anything to compare it to,” Spencer replied, and we both laughed weakly.

“That was okay for you? Your first time? Not really the traditional approach.”

“It was perfect. I wouldn’t have asked for anything different,” he pulled himself up with a smile, before pulling out and flopping down beside me.

“But seriously,” I sat up, resting my head on my palm to get a better view of him. “I’ve never been so attracted to someone as I am with you.”

“____,” he blushed. “I-”

“No! No, let me finish. Please.”

He nodded for me to go ahead.

“Not only are you just insanely sweet and so charming, you’re so handsome. Like I can hardly even look at you half the time. You drive me insane, Spencer you have no idea. Holy fuck I’ve never wanted someone so bad before I met you. You’re intoxicating. I can’t get enough. I’ll cringe about this later but I just need you to know.”

“This may not be the most common way...but do you want to go out with me? L-like on a date?” Spencer asked. He was blushing so heavily, his chest was painted pink and ears were turned red.

“You just came inside of me and you’re nervous about asking me on a date.”

“____!” Spencer exclaimed, facepalming himself.

“Yes,” I grinned. “I’d love to go out with you.”

-----

Please tell me your thoughts on this chapter here! You can also send me an ask to be added to/removed from the taglist.

permanent taglist; @pervhotch @spenxerslut @donald4spiderman @measure-in-pain @thatonezesty13 (check your visibility settings!) @jswessie187 @kuolonsyoja @idonotexiste

[drinkthehalo]

Macro perspective on each Lymond book

I've been listening to the Lymond Chronicles audiobooks, which has given me a different perspective than reading them. With audiobooks, you’re less inclined to stop and dive into the details, to look up an interesting word or obscure historical fact; instead you get swept along with the larger arc of the book.

So, I thought it would be interesting to look at what each book is about from a macro perspective.

Spoilers for the entire series follow.

The Game of Kings

In genre, it's a mystery told in a historical adventure style; it asks the question "Who is Lymond?" and gives us a ton of contradictory clues, then finally reveals the truth - in a psychological sense by stripping away Lymond's defense mechanisms and revealing the human being underneath, as he breaks down in the dell, "the guard was down... every fluent line and practised shade of Lymond's face betrayed him explicitly"; and in a narrative sense via the trial, which examines each "clue" we received throughout the story and tells us what it really meant.

Thematically, it's mainly about "serving honesty in a crooked way" - that morality isn’t simple and that sometimes you need to break the rules to do the right thing.  Nearly all Lymond’s acts are apparently bad things done for a goal that is actually good. We see the theme also in Will Scott (who learns that the world is more complicated than the "moral philosophy" he learned in school) and the various characters who help Lymond, breaking the rules of society by aiding a wanted outlaw (Christian, Sybilla, the Somerviles). 

It is also about the balance of looking out for self vs the obligation to the greater society - Lymond is not completely selfless (after all, he is back in Scotland to clear his own name), but when forced to choose, he always chooses the greater good above his own goals. He is contrasted with Richard, whose great mistake is to put his obligations to Scotland at risk in pursuit of his personal vengeance, and Margaret Lennox, who is purely and grotesquely out only for herself.

The historical context is part of this theme, as we see the various border families playing both sides between England and Scotland, with the heroes being those who ultimately stand up for Scotland, even as we understand that some have no choice but to profess one thing while doing another.

Queens Play

In genre, it's a spy novel; thematically, it's about what Lymond will do with the rest of his life. The question is asked explicitly several times (most obviously, "You have all your life still before you." / "The popular question is, for what?") It's important that Lymond loses his title at the start of this book; he has to figure out who he will be without it.

The main characters all represent possible paths Lymond could take -

O'Liam Roe, who sits back and laughs at the world with detachment, while abdicating all responsibility to use his mind and position to change the world for the better.

Robin Stewart, who loses himself in bitterness about the ways the world has been unfair to him, and in fixating on how he deserved better, fails to take any action to improve himself.

Oonagh, who works passionately to change the world for the better, but whose ideals have become corrupted because she has attached herself to a leader who is more out for himself than for their cause.

And of course Thady Boy and Vervassal, two extremes of himself that Lymond tries on, and (by the end of the series) must learn to reconcile.

The recurring imagery of the first half is the carnival, the masks, the music, the parties, and our hero in danger of losing himself amidst the debauchery. In the second half the imagery every time Lymond appears is of ice, the ultra-controlled, hyper-competent version of Lymond at risk of losing himself by denying his artistic soul. (There’s a wonderful essay here that explores these motifs.)

In the end, Lymond comes to the conclusion that he must not withdraw into detachment or bitterness, that he must find a way to make a positive difference in the world, but that he also must not attach himself to a powerful figure who may be more out for themselves than for Scotland (ie, his refusal to attach himself to Marie de Guise). This sets up the creation of his mercenary army in the next books, as a way he can exercise independent influence in the world.

The Disorderly Knights

This book couldn't be more relevant to the world today. It's a portrait of cynical hypocrisy in pursuit of power; it lays out step by step the tactics of propaganda and manipulation used by despots to build up themselves and tear down their rivals: pretend to be pious, accuse of others of your own crimes, tear down straw men instead of engaging in real debate. It tells us to "look at his hands"; what matters is what a leader actually does, not what he professes to believe.

It shows us how leaders use charisma to manipulate, and, in showing the battle between Gabriel and Lymond for Jerott's loyalty, shows how Lymond takes the harder and more ethical path, by refusing to use his charisma to seduce (a lesson learned from his experience with Robin Stewart) and instead guiding Jerott to come to his own conclusions by means of rational thought instead of hero worship.

At every level the novel advocates for tolerance and internationalism, and against petty sectarianism, as Lymond questions whether the Knights of St John are really any better than the Turks, and as he tries to get the Scottish border families to abandon their feuds in favor of the greater good of the country.

In terms of genre, it’s a pure adventure novel. I never get bored of the masterful action sequences with the battles in Malta and Tripoli, and the extraordinary duel at St Giles in the end. (Also in terms of thematic imagery, there is some crazy S&M shit going on in this book, with Gabriel and Joleta's sadism and Lymond's self-sacrificial masochism.)

I love Disorderly Knights so much. It is nearly perfect - well structured, thematically coherent, witty, fun, breathtaking, and heartbreaking.

Pawn in Frankincense

In genre, this is a quest novel. In several places it explicitly parallels The Odyssey.

In theme, it explores -

Do the ends justify the means? How much sacrifice is too much? Lymond gives up his fortune, his body, and his health; Philippa gives up her freedom and her future; we are asked often consider, which goal is more important, stopping Gabriel or saving the child? We even see this theme in Marthe's subplot, as she gives up the treasure, her dream to "be a person," to save her companions. Perhaps the most telling moment is right after Lymond kills Gabriel; despite all his claims that Gabriel’s death mattered more than the fate of the child, he’s already forgotten it, instead playing over and over in his mind the death of Khaireddin. If you do what is intellectually right but it destroys your soul, was it really right?

The other big theme is “nature vs nurture.” What is the impact of upbringing on how people turn out? In its comparisons of Kuzum vs Khaireddin, and Lymond vs Marthe, it seems to fall firmly on the side of nurture.

It’s also a kaleidoscope of views on love, with its Pilgrims of Love and their poetry, and the contrasting images of selfless, sacrificial love (Philippa and Evangelista for Kuzum, Salablanca for Lymond, Lymond for Khaireddin, perhaps Marthe for Lymond as she helps him in the end) with possessive, needy “love” (Marthe for Guzel, Jerott for Marthe or Lymond, arguably even the Aga for Lymond).

This novel is also a tragedy. Its imagery and the historical background complement the themes by creating an atmosphere lush, beautiful, labyrinthine, overwhelming, and suffocating.

The Ringed Castle

I have to confess this is my least favorite, in large part because I find the historical sequences (in Russia and in Mary Tudor's court in England) go on way too long and have only tangential relationships to the themes and characters.

It seems to be primarily about self-delusion as a response to trauma.  Lymond spends the entire novel trying to be someone he isn't, in a place he doesn't belong, because he is too damaged to face reality. (His physical blindness as a manifestation of his psychological blindness; the sequences at John Dee's, surrounded by mirrors, forcing him to see himself.) 

Lymond convinces himself he can build a wall around his heart to block out all human connection, that he can be a “machine,” but despite his best efforts, he cares for Adam Blacklock and develops a true friendship with Diccon Chancellor. And of course, by far the most important moment is after the Hall of Revels, when Lymond's heart unfreezes and he suddenly sees one thing VERY clearly. (And then tries, desperately, to escape it.)

The only reason I can think of that the book lingers so long on Mary Tudor (so boring omg) is the parallel with Lymond, her false pregnancies as a manifestation of her desire to see the world as she wants it to be, and her failure to see reality as it is. Ivan of Russia also is a parallel: delusional, unable to trust, and dangerous. Their failures, and the failure of Lymond's Russia adventure and relationship with Guzel, tell us that you cannot hide from reality forever.

The book spends so long painting the backdrop of 16th century Russia that it makes me think that Dunnett got too caught up in her research and needed a stronger editor, although there is also a parallel with Lymond in the idea of Russia as a traumatized nation struggling to establish itself, and of course, Lymond subsuming his need to deal with his own issues into a goal of building a nation.

It's also about exploration, about the intellectual wonder of discovering that there is more to the world, as we learn about Diccon Chancellor and the Muscovy Company. It’s wonderful imagery, but I struggle to how this fits coherently into the overall theme of the novel, and am curious how others reconcile it.

I like the idea of this book more than the reality. If you’re going to do to your hero what Dunnett did to Lymond in “Pawn,” there has to be consequences. But hundreds of pages of our hero in such a frozen state is difficult to read.

That said, the Hall of Revels is one of the best things in the series, and I’ll always love this book for that.

Checkmate

Checkmate is about reconciliation of self and recovery from trauma, as Lymond is forced (kicking and screaming) to accept who is and what he's done, and to allow himself to love and be loved. Philippa is his guide, as she discovers the secrets of his birth, understands his childhood, hears his tales of all the terrible things he's done, and loves him anyway. As far as genre, this is definitely a romance.

There are villains in this book (Leonard Bailey, Margaret Lennox, Austin Grey) but they're all fairly weak; the true antagonist is Lymond himself. From the beginning, he could have everything he needs to be happy (he's married to the woman he loves, and she loves him back!); his true struggle is to stop running from it (by escaping to Russia or committing suicide) and to break through his own psychological barriers enough to allow himself to accept it.

The primary parallel is with Jerott and Marthe, who also have happiness almost in their grasp, but never manage to achieve it.

The heritage plot looms large and is (IMO) tedious; it's so melodramatic that it takes some mental gymnastics to get it to make thematic sense to me. It ultimately comes down to Lymond's identity crisis and childhood trauma. His “father” rejected and abused him, so he based his identity on his relationship to his mother, but his suspicion that he is a bastard means he lives in terror that he doesn’t really belong in his family and that, if his mother isn’t perfect, he is rotten. (I love him but, my god, it is juvenile. The only way I can reconcile it is that his fear about the circumstances of his birth is really just a stand-in for his self-hatred caused by his traumas.) He also continues to struggle with his envy that Richard was born into a position with power and influence that Lymond has spent the past six books struggling to obtain, and that Lymond’s terrible traumas (starting with the galleys) would not have happened if he had been the heir. The discovery that he actually IS the legitimate heir is what finally snaps him out of it, since his reaction is to want to protect Richard, and this also reconciles him to Sybilla since protecting Richard was her goal too.

There are some other parts of this book that I struggle to reconcile (Lymond's inability to live if he can't have sex with Philippa; the way the focus on heritage seems to undercut the nature vs nurture themes; that no one but Jerott is bothered by Marthe's death, which undercuts some of the most moving moments in "Pawn”; and I mostly just pretend the predestination and telepathy stuff didn’t happen). On the other hand, I do sort of love the way this book wholeheartedly embraces the idea that there is no human being on earth who will ever be as melodramatic as Francis Crawford.

In terms of the historical elements, in addition to providing the narrative grounding for the character stuff to play out, it sets up the idea that Scotland has troubles coming up (the religious wars, the betrayal of the de Guises) and that Lymond needs to go home, let go of France and Russia, and focus on Scotland where he belongs. I’m sure there is also some political nuance in the fact that our Scottish hero, after spending so much time and energy in France, ends up with an English wife.

The conclusion in the music room is perfect - it brings us back to the amnesiac Lymond who innocently played music with Christian Stewart, to Thady Boy whose songs made the cynical French court weep, and fills the “void” Lymond described to Jerott where there was no prospect of music. The aspects of himself are finally reconciled and he has a partner to share his life with.

I am curious what others see as the macro / thematic big picture meanings of these books. :)  And if anyone can find the key to make “Ringed Castle” and “Checkmate” make more sense to me...

[aitheros]

00, 01, 02, 03, 04, 05

00.  the fool  :  what are your muse’s thoughts on new beginnings ? does it frighten them or excite them ?

sting did not love new beginnings at first, because they genuinely terrified him. he tries to find reasons to be excited about change, but deep down it sparks some anxiety. when he becomes fixated on the way things are in his life, he becomes comfortable. discomfort is something he doesn’t like to deal with. after the grand magic games, and seeing how positive some change can be, he’s becoming more opening to new beginnings. 

01.  the magician  :  how does your muse feel about fate ? do they believe they can change their own destiny ?

answered !

02.  the high priestess  :  how does your muse make decisions ? do they trust their instinct or would they rather trust their heart / their logic ?

answered !

03.  the empress  :  does your muse have parental / nurturing figures in their life ? how do they impact them ?

yikes. so, sting’s time with parental figures was fleeting, but very significant nonetheless. sting only have vague memories of his mother, whom he loved dearly, as he was 8 when he had to say goodbye to her. since he doesn’t remember his biological father, only through a few stories — weisslogia became his primary paternal figure. jiemma was another significant figure in his life.

for sting’s mother, she brought out his softer side — the side of him that is so naive, affectionate, caring and gentle. elaine was important for his emotional maturity and how he expresses his feelings and love. she was a source of safety and brought out the child in him. since she wasn’t in his life for long, he’s more closed off about these sides of him.

with jiemma, ( a relationship i’ve touch on already ) he made sting more detached from his softer side. jiemma brought out the worst parts of sting — his arrogance, blinding confidence, strategic nature, and even hints of cruelty. jiemma taught sting the importance of how one presents themselves to the world, and how being feared should be celebrated.

weisslogia was the closest thing to a father for him. at risk of rambling, i’ll keep it short for this post. weiss was the first being who helped sting realize that he could be strong. that he was capable of being a survivor through the most trying feats. he encouraged sting every day to live up to his potential, but not lose his humanity in the process. as a role model, he was the ideal balance. weisslogia encouraged sting and believed in him when he struggled to for himself. they shared profound trust in one another, and sting having to put him down was the hardest thing he ever had to do. while weiss left him both physically and emotional strong at a young age, he also left him incredibly vulnerable when it came to giving love others.

tldr: elaine taught him to love others. jiemma taught him to love his hatred. weisslogia taught him to love himself.

04.  the emperor  :  how much respect does your muse have for authority ? why is this ?

sting is someone who likes to offer respect where respect is earned. he believes that powerful titles are just that — titles. not an indication on whether someone is deserving of such high appraisal and worth. he does try to uphold his best behavior around certain authority figures, for the sake of his own self preservation. if it’s in his best interest / want to be polite and passive, he will do so because he’s smart. but as soon as his desire to continue such amicable relations cease ? he has no problem showing his true colors. ( ie: sting with jiemma ) he believes authority is something that also needs to be deserving, and it’s something that only the people can truly give. as soon as someone does something that shows they are undeserving of such power, he has no qualms about rebelling or seeing them fall.

05.  the hierophant  :  what are your muse’s morals / ethics ? do they follow their moral code strictly ?

answered !

MAJOR ARCANA HEADCANONS.   ╱   not accepting !

[jupiteronic]

hi, i have pisces mars, how can i develop it? i suck

don’t do the whole “i suck” thing for starters. It’s hard ik especially for those of us who are mentally ill and/or went through trauma and have conditioned thoughts like these, but also it can be helpful to remind yourself that your thoughts do not define you and to redirect your thoughts rather than bully them away or blame yourself for them (let me know if you want resources on this!) so as to diminish later blowups/ guilt-tripping behaviours. a lot of Pisces mars people very much are willing to change their ways/ listen to other perspectives like you! telling people you suck doesn’t really come across as taking responsibility though, a lot of people will take offense to that - rightfully so - and think you’re being manipulative or simply looking for validation, acceptance or forgiveness. probably wasn’t your intention, it’s just important to think about how others would interpret our behavior. 

accept that feeling bad isn’t an excuse to avoid preemptively thinking about how your actions impact others, it takes practice but make a conscious effort and you’ll be surprised how much good you can do despite overwhelming emotions! in a similar vein though, do NOT ignore or repress or minimize your emotions for the sake of others. if anything that will lead to more uncontrolled anger, manipulative behavior, and self-pitying feelings/thoughts which further reinforce the unhealthy behaviours you’re trying to rid yourself of

BEWARE OF WHO YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH

if you can, avoid fixating on what you did wrong and feeling shame + guilt for it. focus on how you can improve or eliminate the behaviours you don’t like & more importantly how you can make it up to anyone you hurt - especially if that person is yourself. easier said than done, especially for the obsessive types, but again i find that redirecting thoughts makes this easier than blaming yourself for fixating on your guilt. it can be an endless cycle really. how do you apologise to others + how do you apologise to yourself? if you don’t do either of those much, start working from there

get feedback from others where appropriate but take the feedback with a grain of salt until you have multiple perspectives

watch self regulation skills vids or read about it or... cant believe i’m saying this.. listen to a p*dcast. whatever helps you absorb information the fastest. ideally you would learn about this through written/ spoken word of both your own and others, through audio, visually, artistically etc to master self-regulation but that’s obviously not realistic or convenient for everyone so start small with what seems most realistic to you!!! I know especially Pisces mars can get quickly lose interest or motivation when it comes to things involving thorough detail lol. the next point expands on this but what works for me is pretending I’m my own parent. in a way we all are our own parents, but emotionally investing myself in that fantasy helped me apply my energy to things I’d rather not do (like doing assignments is still very hard for me, and to avoid discouraging myself from doing them, i kind of have a conversation with myself about it and kind of take on the role of child + parent. this is just an example - sometimes it just helps to use your traits to your own advantage, like Pisces mars being more interested in fantasies/emotionally engaging things than boring menial tasks; i used an emotionally engaging fantasy to motivate myself to do work, be creative <3). avoid relying on others for regulation & discipline. this can be very difficult for some of us + i understand and empathize with this. the point here is to be as independent as you can be.  also something going wrong does not necessarily mean it’s a sign from the universe to stop trying i promise

on the note of independence, take steps to becoming your own cheerleader. motivate & encourage yourself through positive self talk. in times where you feel demotivated, helpless or worthless, and say encouraging things to yourself. be aware that this will often seem silly and a waste of energy and u know how much Pisces mars like to save their energy at all costs lmao so this is definitely a common, normal reaction but every time this discourages you, remind yourself that IT IS worth trying and YOU are worth trying for yourself. sometimes I literally have to say cheesy shit like “you can do this” out loud repeatedly until I convince myself. it’s tiring & maybe embarrassing but recovering from chronic self-pity is even more tiring and embarrassing. avoid relying on others to uplift you & make you feel better. not to say that people shouldn’t help people, but just so you’re able to have your own back as much as possible

be more intellectually present oh my god 🤡 I beg of you. this can be very difficult especially for people who deal with adhd/mental illness(es)/trauma/learning disorders/developmental disorders etc. I don’t have all the answers for that but one thing most of us can do is engage in activities that nurture our intellectual health more frequently ; whether that’s reading (nonfiction preferrably), doing newspaper puzzles, crosswords/sudoku apps, problem-solving activities that don’t involve emotional appeal, etc just do it often. we all know how emotionally attentive Pisces mars can be but engage your intellectual side gamers (i.e. don’t game). I say this as a Pisces mars myself lolz please this is literally self-care

ik this is a snooze point but physical stimulation especially exercise can be really good for emotional wellbeing/ release. otherwise find literally any form of release - healthy forms I cannot stress this enough

wrt anger, bitterness, feelings of defeat: Pisces placements often have an external locus of control and thrive when they consider/have faith in something bigger than them. could be astrology, spirituality, religion, art, community, culture, all of the above, whatever makes u feel connected.

question your own intentions (but don’t overdo this); why am i acting this way or feeling this way? am I fishing for attention? if so, is there anything I can do to give myself the same warm feeling attention/validation from others would give me? am I acting like this because I feel hurt or taken advantage of? if so, is it possible for me to have a safe, healthy conversation about this with the source of the problem? WHAT is the source of the problem? what can i do about it? write this down if you can somewhere private and read it back to yourself later, notice any cognitive distortions in your thinking and make adjustments. this will help you practice using your intellectual side in distressing moments but there’s less point in using your thinking if it’s warped if you feel that’s the case for you. so google cognitive distortions & how to deal with them to get examples! try to make the adjustments next time you feel overwhelmed or have heightened emotions/senses

be firmer with your boundaries. with others AND yourself. the less you resist against boundaries the more your life will know peace because you are more careful with the people and/or behaviours you allow into YOUR life. do *not* ease up on your boundaries for the sake of other people. betraying yourself for others or immediate gratification is rarely a good idea in the long run. I’ve done the mistake of betraying my values for others many times and it’s caused unnecessary conflict which we are notorious for avoiding. that is until the evil puppeteer living in our brains snaps their fingers and commands us to go ham