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championari · 10 months ago

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True Love: Why FifteenxRogue Works

WOW. Man, that Rogue episode, huh? Watching that live was probably the greatest experience I’ve had recently regarding Doctor Who. Not just as a queer viewer, but as a queer media analyst. Fifteen and Rogue truly feel like a relationship written for me to analyze, because there is simply so frickin’ much to talk about. So, allow me, gentle reader, to be your Lady Whistledown of queer alien fuckery, and guide you through analyzing the latest dalliance of our Time Lord extraordinaire with the most honest bounty hunter in the galaxy.

We’ll be covering a LOT of ground in this: the theme of facades/masks, an interrogation of The Doctor’s perception of romantic relationships, and a deep dive into The Fifteenth Doctor’s character overall. So, needless to say, this is going be a LONG LONG piece. Grab a snack, some water, whatever you need, cause we’re going deep on this one.

You’re still here? Fantastic! Then let us begin! Specifically, with the Fifteenth Doctor himself. Because above all else, this episode works as a dissection of his character overall.

I’ve already done two metas regarding The Giggle’s ending and The Doctor’s perception of romance pre-Season 1/14, so if you want more elaboration, go read those here: 1, 2. But in case you don’t, I’ll sum up and expand based on what we’ve learned since.

The Doctor, as a character, has always struggled with commitment and attachment. They never stayed in one place for long and when they did, they had an unhealthy relationship with it (Trenzalore, Darillium, Bill’s University). Romantic connection is a permutation of this larger issue, as every romantic relationship we have seen The Doctor take part in since 2005 either was unbalanced (holding back problems/outright lying) or ended in a really bad way. However, thanks to the 60th specials and a bi-generation, The Doctor went through a massive change, and with it, came a new perception of openness and love. Fifteen is more expressive, and willing to verbally identify beauty. He openly points out how beautiful people are, and talks about previous exploits with pride. But this supposed openness betrays a deeper dishonesty still inside the Doctor. As much as Fifteen talks the talk of openness, he doesn’t often walk the walk when things get tough.

Fifteen’s character struggle is trying to break out of the Doctor’s previous patterns of unstable attachment and commitment while continuing those patterns. He values emotional honesty and encourages it in others yet simultaneously runs from it when the spotlight is on himself, even when he knows it’s beneficial and necessary for him to do so. So, with all of that in mind, let’s deep dive into Rogue (the episode, not the character, but also the character).

The best word to describe this episode is ‘deception’. Setting the episode in Bridgerton-esque Regency-era England was an appropriate choice, likening to a show that is all about facades and posturing to gain wealth and social standing (yes I am oversimplifying, don’t hurt me). Throughout the episode, we see characters who aren’t who they present themselves to be and use all manner of tools or tactics to disguise themselves to meet their ends.

We have the Chuldur, creatures who gain pleasure from cosplaying. They thrive on creating fake entertainment for their amusement, honesty is useless if it can’t satisfy them. While this is meant as an obvious commentary on fan culture and how dangerous it can get when taken to the extreme, it also functions as a darker reflection on The Doctor’s habits. Because think about it: what are Fifteen and Ruby doing in this episode? They are having fun, dancing alongside the other partygoers. They’re wearing the outfits but only to blend in. Ruby doesn’t know how to dance, she has to wear psychic earrings to keep up. She watches the fake fight between ‘Emily’ and ‘Lord Stilton’ like she would watch an episode of Bridgerton. Her fight with Emily later in the episode is set to Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’ playing in the background.

What we’re seeing in the villains is The Doctor’s pastimes becoming toxic, taking a companion and bringing them to a culture far removed from their own. But it’s not only a commentary on The Doctor overall, it’s also Fifteen’s philosophy in a darker context. Posing as sincerity and maybe containing it to some extent, but ultimately not completely honest. Through the setting and the villains, the episode is already priming us on a subconscious level to be thinking about disguises and dishonesty, a topic that both The Doctor and the Fifteenth incarnation specifically have a complicated relationship with. And then comes Rogue.

Rogue himself is such a fascinating part of the episode because he is such a deliberate disruption to this cultivated environment of deception. Rogue is the complete antithesis of everyone in the plot. He’s terrible at improvising, he’s socially awkward, he dances without needing psychic earrings, and he never cleans the inside of his ship. Rogue intentionally disrupts the narrative of lies by not being able to play the game. Even when he tries to wear a mask, the mask of an uncaring bounty hunter, He doesn’t wear it well and gets rid of it after the ship scene with The Doctor. Rogue is a character who cannot help but be who he is, he’s a character who not only can’t wear a mask but doesn’t want to. To put it simply, honesty is Rogue’s kink. That’s why the episode is named after him; it’s not just because he’s a central character, but because he provides the counter-argument to the themes of lies and deception. Rogue, the disruptor to The Chuldur’s acts of fake entertainment, and the disruptor to The Doctor’s act of cosplaying with Ruby, and on a deeper level, disrupts Fifteen’s oscillation between sincerity and repression. But we’ll get to that, we have Mount Everest's amount of context to analyze first, starting with their first meeting.

The Doctor and Rogue’s beginning scene sets the stage for the main obstacle in their relationship: their masks. ‘Cause right now we’re operating with two versions of the characters: the facade/mask versions, and the real versions. We get our first look at Rogue when Fifteen looks around for interference on the psychic earrings. He finds him being the most conspicuous while wearing the ‘bounty hunter’ mask: on a balcony (separated from the party physically), not speaking at all.

He is standing out here but only in the way someone who knows disguises would recognize. The Doctor, remember no. 1 liar, of course he’s gonna recognize that. So much so, that he gives Rogue pointers on how to put on a better “brooding” face, literally teaching him how to wear the mask better. Rogue is an amateur mask wearer, going up against the master of mask-wearing. And that’s why Fifteen smiles when he sees him, he’s intrigued by that contradiction and wants to know more.

Rogue meanwhile, is being rude and dismissive to scare him off, trying to keep to the mask he’s built. At this point, he knows that Fifteen also stands out from the rest but right now is assuming that he’s still a random partygoer. Notice what he says to him:

He’s still using language and ideas someone from that era would understand. Where this deviates is this little exchange that felt familiar to me, but I couldn’t figure out from where. Until I remembered this:

(credit to @ngatwa for this set, you're amazing)

This is the first instance in the episode where Fifteen and Rogue’s relationship calls back to previous romantically-coded relationships The Doctor has had between companions. But it’s not just romantic subtext, it’s subtext that explains where the two are in the relationship. Victorian Clara was far more than what she appeared to be (a governess masquerading as a barmaid/echo of a companion scattered in the Doctor’s timeline), and the Doctor was more than he appeared to be (an alien who lived in a blue box). In asking those questions, it’s both recognition of the masks and inquiry for the real person underneath. Same thing here: Rogue and Fifteen at this point are trying to figure each other out, trying to see beyond the masks of the uncaring bounty hunter, and the flirtatious partygoer. Where things start to go wrong is that neither party fesses up to who they are. Rogue instantly assumes Fifteen is The Chuldur he’s looking for, while Fifteen assumes Rogue is a regular partygoer looking to…*ahem* create a scandal in the gardens if you get what I mean. This explains why a violin rendition of Billie Eilish’s ‘Bad Guy’ plays in the background. It’s not just a Bridgerton reference, it’s contributing to both characters’ perception of each other in this scene: both characters think the other is the “bad guy”. The lead into the scene is deception, we leave it the same way. No breakthrough yet.

Now we’re moving on to the scene in the garden, where both masks of Fifteen and Rogue begin clashing with their real personalities. Fifteen is still being semi-sincere, still complimenting Rogue. And like water, all of it is rolling off of him because he’s still under the assumption he’s talking to a shapeshifting alien. He rudely asks about The Doctor’s info dumping and doesn’t respond to The Doctor’s compliments.

(credit to @klausbens for the gif, you're awesome)

He’s not engaging because he thinks the Doctor is not who he appears to be, and for a character that values honesty, everything Fifteen says is gonna wash over him. The moment this changes is when the two are accusing the other of the murder. Quite literally finishing each other’s sandwiches (C’mon, you know I had to throw a Frozen reference in this somewhere).

This is a very interesting scene given our current context. Trope-wise, this is meant to communicate to the audience the bond between the two characters, they’re thinking the same thing. But the trope is flipped on its head because both characters take it in opposite directions. Both Fifteen and Rogue are in perfect sync, they are being honest about how much they understand about the situation, but that information is leading them to completely different conclusions (i.e. the other person is the Chuldur). They’re slapping more masks onto each other, this time with information they know is true, which leads to them locking in their heels and simply not being honest altogether until later. This scene is a repeat of the previous one, except this time it’s them showing their hands a bit more, making the backslide all the more difficult. Getting close to sealing the deal, then heel turn at the last minute, a classic Bridgerton move.

So, what needs to happen to break this backslide? Well, plain and simple honesty. The scene on Rogue’s ship is when both masks start coming off. What Fifteen is doing on the ship during the scene is essentially trying to figure out Rogue. He finds out the ship is meant to be piloted by two, and he discovers the origin of Rogue’s name, the Kylie Minogue music. Which is a moment I want to zoom in on. Right before this happens when Rogue gives a cheeky response to Fifteen finding out about the name, Fifteen makes a joke and starts emphasizing his Scottish accent. This is Fifteen putting on another mask to make a joke, and Rogue doesn’t appreciate that, given his dirty look.

Then Fifteen finds the music, which he then again uses as an opportunity to joke around and make fun of him (and flirt a little bit with him). Fifteen is removing Rogue’s mask, while he is staying enigmatic and mysterious, which is why Rogue is still stonewalling him. HOWEVER, two can play that game, and Fifteen makes a big mistake in showing Rogue the psychic paper. This is the first time Fifteen is completely honest about his feelings towards Rogue. No mask, no posturing, complete honesty. And we see Rogue responds positively to this:

This is the first time the two are both on the same level, communicating honestly. And that’s where we start to see genuine romantic feelings and attraction.

But it’s not enough, so what does Fifteen do? He pulls out the big guns. He shows Rogue the truth: he’s a Time Lord from Gallifrey and has lived many different lives over hundreds of years. He not only rips off his mask, he quite literally reveals all of the other masks the Doctor has worn throughout the ages. And what is Rogue’s reaction to this?

Complete besotted awe. If honesty is Rogue’s kink, then The Doctor revealing their faces just supercharged it. This is the moment that Rogue falls in love because he’s finally seeing who this mysterious flirty person really is.

Now, I’m gonna pull out another previous Doctor romance for two reasons: One, I’ve been seeing this comparison floating around for a while, and if you know me and my old analyses, it’s that I cannot leave an inaccurate take alone, and two, because I think it applies here. I’ve been seeing comparisons online of this episode to Girl in the Fireplace, in which a new character falls in love with The Doctor and gets the rare opportunity to see their true self. But what makes Reinette different from Rogue is that honesty kink. Reinette was attracted to the mystery of the Doctor, her childhood hero who somehow doesn’t age. Note when he comes back the first time, she focuses on how strange he is:

She learns more about them later, but she was already in love with them before that. Rogue doesn’t want the mystery. In reality, The Doctor wearing masks is a turnoff for him. He only wants the real thing, so when Fifteen reveals the truth, that’s when the genuine romance begins.

(We could also extend this comparison to the discussion of consent: Reinette found out everything without The Doctor's permission, while Fifteen revealed all the info by himself, but whether we can consider this consensual depends on your definition of consent under duress/threat. So I’m not entirely sure what to make of this conversation, feel free to expand in the tags/replies cause I want to hear more about this)

So now we’re moving along to the TARDIS scene. We continue with the theme of disguises with the whole “bigger on the inside” routine, Fifteen riffing as Willy Wonka for a hot moment singing Pure Imagination, and we have Rogue’s momentary slip-up:

(credit to klausbens for the gifs, you're awesome)

This is a great sign of character growth because while he’s maybe not wholly honest about his feelings towards The Doctor, he still is open about his love for the TARDIS, an important part of The Doctor’s life, so big step right there.

I want to pay attention to the heart-to-heart here because watching what Fifteen says and how he reacts is extremely important to getting his view on the situation. Because right now, I wouldn’t say The Doctor is in love with Rogue back. While there is a lot of attraction and hints at a deeper bond, Fifteen is still operating with most of his mask on. Notice that when he asks Rogue about the person he lost, Ncuti Gatwa’s blocking has him leaning on the railing at an angle to the side of Rogue. He’s purposely staying at a distance, yet is leaning on the railings to appear casual.

And when Rogue starts opening up, he moves closer and they’re at equal distance from each other.

We get a really sweet (and allegorical to the queer community) moment about The Doctor’s motivation of living out of respect for the dead, to keep living each day that they lost. And then we get Fifteen inviting Rogue onto the TARDIS. I want to focus on this because he doesn’t seem upset or disappointed by Rogue countering this offer by inviting The Doctor to travel with him, meaning he doesn’t see this as a “take it or leave it” offer. In fact, the compromise Fifteen comes up with, “let’s argue across the stars” and Rogue accepting it, is what leads to the almost kiss. So that prompts the question, what is Fifteen trying to say here?

Well, what Fifteen is asking for is to continue seeing Rogue. It doesn’t matter to him if he’s on the TARDIS or not, all that matters is that he still has him in his life. The choice to see him more. Why does that sound familiar? Because that’s exactly what I wrote about in my dissertation on The Giggle’s Ending:

“In giving Fourteen their own TARDIS, Fifteen is allowing his younger self to have what they always removed from the equation: free will. The Doctor can still go anywhere they want, which makes them even more motivated to stay and fix themself. Fourteen can feel safe staying with Donna, Wilf, Mel, Rose, Shaun, and Sylvia because the option to travel is still there.”

Fifteen’s love language is giving the people he cares about the freedom to express the love they already have within them. He values freedom above all else, and when Rogue accepts that freedom, that’s when we get the almost-kiss. This is the moment where The Doctor falls in love with Rogue back because it’s Rogue being willing to meet The Doctor where they’re at. He’s allowing Fifteen to set the pace and not force himself on him.

Additionally, this willingness to be as slow or fast as The Doctor needs means far more to The Doctor overall than to just Fifteen. Many people have already pointed out the similarities between the line “let’s argue across the stars' and previous lines the Doctor has said to villainous characters like The Master and The Toymaker:

"We can take your games back to the stars."

"We can fight across the constellations if that's what you want".

Now, why is that? It’s because again, The Doctor’s perception of Rogue is evolving in this scene. Remember, up to this point, The Doctor doesn’t entirely know Rogue’s morality. All they know is that Rogue is a bounty hunter, and is not afraid to use his gun when he deems appropriate. There’s even a little line in this scene before the heart-to-heart where Fifteen specifically imposes his own brand of morality on the situation: “Whatever the Chuldur has done, I can’t let you kill it.” Now, we know that The Doctor’s morality and romantic life can conflict: River being a known murderer/psychopath, their longtime situationship, and later attempted rehabilitation of The Master/Missy. This is another feature of The Doctor’s character: while they do act like they have the final say on what is right, they also compromise that morality for people they care about.

Like how The Doctor surprised Rogue by showing all of his faces, Rogue surprised the Doctor right back by not only being honest about his past but by being willing to accept The Doctor’s compromise. This moment is when The Doctor finds out that Rogue is a good person, and that The Doctor doesn’t need to compromise their morality when entering this relationship.

This heart-to-heart is about Rogue not only winning over the Fifteenth Doctor by agreeing with his values of freedom but also winning over The Doctor overall by just genuinely being a good person. But of course, the moral duty of taking care of the Chuldur rears its head in the form of the TARDIS alerting that the trap is ready. The bubble has popped and we still have a long way to go.

(Plus, Fifteen’s facial expression in this shot perfectly captures that trademark “Oh.” moment, realizing you’re in love with someone but then taping it down to focus back on the immediate problem. Love you Ncuti Gatwa, you do great work)

Alright, now we’re at the dance/fake proposal scene. Oh lord, so much happens here with both dialogue and production regarding character, so let’s take this one at a time. Fifteen, Rogue and now Ruby have figured out the big plot regarding the Chuldur, their obsession with cosplay and dressing up to create drama. In response, Fifteen comes up with the idea to essentially beat them at their own game: create a fake scandal to draw them out.

Now on paper and in terms of beating the bad guys, this is a plan that could and does work, but in terms of his relationship with Rogue: THIS. WAS. A. BAD. IDEA. Why? The very idea of masks and faking not only was the leading cause of them not connecting in the beginning but specifically doesn’t work with Rogue. You can see it in how Rogue nervously looks at Ruby and Emily when Fifteen asks him to dance, and even questions the validity of the plan:

(credit goes to @carricfisher for texted gif, you're awesome)

It’s not just that he doesn’t know about homophobia, he just doesn’t like the idea of pretending at all. But the reason why it doesn’t collapse right away is because it’s not entirely pretending. The dance may function on the surface to create a scene, but for Rogue (and Fifteen albeit to a smaller extent) it doubles as an intimate moment between them. This connects to the choice of dimming the lights in an unrealistic way (which btw, as a film student, had me going insane watching it live). We’re seeing a deliberate break in reality, a dishonest showcase of the story being told, that serves the purpose of highlighting an ultimately honest and sincere act of love. Both The Doctor and Rogue are warping the aesthetic of deception in terms of the narrative by fabricating a scandal, and in terms of the production by changing the lighting.

But of course, things start going to hell right there. Fifteen tries to up the drama and Rogue can’t keep up. Rogue overcorrects and proposes to Fifteen, who freaks out and leaves the room. Now, I don’t want to get into the question of whether or not Rogue was playing along by proposing or being genuine (Personally speaking, I think it was both. 70% true, and 30% fake). Instead, I want to clear up why Fifteen freaked out here. I’m sure a lot of the long-time audience could already guess that it was parallel to River Song, The Doctor’s wife, but I think it’s more layered than that. Why would a reference to River scare the Doctor so much, aside from reminding them of a close person they lost? Because the last time the Doctor got married to someone they truly loved, it involved a 24-year stay on Darillium, which he knew would end in tragedy. Note the word choice here:

“Sorry I…I can’t.”

Not ‘I don’t want this’, it’s a void of agency (which connects to my piece on The Giggle’s ending and freedom). The Doctor can’t have that with Rogue, he was fine with them being casual to avoid the possibility of losing him.

But on my first watch, I couldn’t help getting a little bit cross with Fifteen here, because the amount of ball fumbling on display is outright ridiculous; The Time Lord brings himself onto the dancefloor, with a guy he nearly made out with two minutes ago, gets all up in his face and starts shouting at him to “tell me what you heart wants!” and then completely freezes when said guy starts proposing to him. What in the fuck did you expect was going to happen, bud?! What made you think this would go off without a hitch?

I want to preface this by saying I had a completely different reading of this scene for a long time. My original thought was that Fifteen was trying to do multiple things simultaneously. He potentially was trying to lure out the Chuldur by creating scandal and at the same time, was trying to have a serious talk with Rogue about where he’s at emotionally. These lines in particular have fascinated me since my first watch: “You would ask me to give up my title, my fortune. But what future can you promise me?”. It did feel like these lines hinted at Fifteen’s thought process at this moment, he chose those specific lines to use for this moment. Was Fifteen trying to have an honest conversation with Rogue about their relationship while being fake to everyone else? But that doesn’t make sense considering the previous conversation in the TARDIS showed Fifteen comfortable with the idea of them being casual and Rogue respecting that, so it doesn’t make sense with where Fifteen is progression-wise.

But it wasn’t until writing out this piece that I realized I had it all wrong and the truth was far simpler: this is a repeat of their meeting on the balcony, albeit with higher personal stakes. Let’s take a step back here: What is happening in this scene? Fifteen and Rogue are completely missing what the other is trying to say. Fifteen ignored Rogue being visibly uncomfortable over being back to playing with masks, and Rogue is not getting if Fifteen wants him to be genuine or not. Just like on the balcony and the garden, where both sides think they’re saying one thing when it’s the opposite. Before, both parties were wrong about who they were, now both parties are wrong about what they want.

Fifteen is saying complete bullshit here, not true stuff to their situation but stuff that their audience would react to. He’s being over the top on purpose to elicit reactions. Meanwhile Rogue is thinking he’s being genuine. He thinks Fifteen is, through code speak, trying to genuinely ask him these questions. Which leads him to get down on one knee. And that’s a big problem because Rogue doesn’t know that proposing is wading into a gargantuan trauma pool for The Doctor. This scene is a magnified example of the duo’s problem with masks and not being completely honest with each other.

However, while this scene may have been a cause for regression from The Doctor on the relationship part, Rogue on the other hand has an epiphany. In the scene following this one, we get the truly iconic callback of “Run.” and Rogue taking the Doctor’s hand. Why is this important? Well, there are three specific examples that this moment is calling back to:

Nine meeting Rose ("Run!")

Victorian Clara and Eleven fleeing from the Ice Governess ("I do the handgrabbing! That's my job! That's always me!")

Twelve running with River ("Stop holding my hand! People don't do that to me!")

Nine meeting Rose establishes this idea of protection: The Doctor taking care of someone by leading them away from danger. The other two examples are subversions of that idea: Clara and River are now leading The Doctor out of danger. Same principle here, except here it has a bit more context behind it. Clara and River subverting that act of protection made sense given who they were: Clara as an echo across The Doctor’s time stream knew who The Doctor was and what they needed, even if she didn’t know it consciously when the moment happened. River as The Doctor’s wife also knew who they were and what they needed at the time.

By connecting Rogue’s action of taking Fifteen’s hand and running to Clara and River, it not only again connects Fifteen and Rogue to previous romantic relationships, but it also shows Rogue learning from his mistake. Rogue’s mistake in the proposal scene was him not figuring out what Fifteen needed at that moment, it was a major miscommunication. Now, at this moment, Rogue is starting to figure out what he needs to do. He is, to use relationship lingo, "shelving his agenda" to help the Doctor.

And that progression continues through the last leg of the episode, including the moment when Fifteen thinks Ruby is dead. I’ve always found this moment in particular so fascinating because of how loud it is metaphorically for both characters. Fifteen is taking off the mask of coolness and revealing that Doctor™ anger. This is a complete switch-up from what he’s been like throughout most of the episode. Yet when he lets out that chilling line, “Good. That’s a long time to suffer.” Rogue doesn’t look all that scared or mad at him.

The face Rogue makes here looks far closer to a resigned sadness, almost like he knew that he would have that reaction. Keep in mind that Rogue knows nothing about The Doctor at their worst, all that he knows right now is that they lost “everyone”. Compare that with Donna, who was outright terrified of The Doctor when at their worst (for good reason though).

Rogue isn’t surprised by this at all. He’s not asking “What happened to this person in front of me?”, he’s realizing “This is how much he cares about his best friend.” He’s seeing the depth of this person’s love that is inexorably linked to the depth of his grief, and is realizing he can’t allow that grief to corrupt this person he’s grown to love, even if it means endangering himself. Which is exactly what ends up happening.

This is where the theme of masks finally pays off. At the beginning of the episode, both Rogue and Fifteen are wearing their masks (cold, uncaring bounty hunter, and flirtatious partygoer). Those masks started to come down, but that got messed up thanks to miscommunication. Rogue didn’t understand what The Doctor needed from him, causing their trauma to resurface and The Doctor ran away from having to deal with that grief. This final scene is them being completely honest with each other. Rogue asks him “Can you lose your friend to save the world?”, and Fifteen tells him the truth. He can’t, he can’t let that happen again. And Rogue understands that, he finally knows what needs to be done. And so he kisses him. Why did Rogue kiss him? Again, it’s a repeat of a previous scene, this time the dance. Rogue is comfortable putting on a mask/doing something dishonest when there’s an aspect of truth to it. Even if they danced together to serve a lie, it still was a moment powered by romantic feelings. Same with the kiss. Rogue had wanted to kiss him, so he felt comfortable doing something with an ulterior motive (taking the button from him) because it was also something he would’ve wanted to do regardless of the situation.

But why did Rogue do it? The one line that I kept thinking of in summing up the intent behind Rogue's sacrifice was, ironically, from Frozen: "Love is...putting someone else's needs before yours”. Essentially, shelving your agenda, like we’ve been saying. Back in the proposal scene, Rogue’s mess up was not figuring out what Fifteen needed out of him at that moment. Fifteen needed him to play along in faking and instead, Rogue heel turned into a lot of trauma for The Doctor. So now, after seeing how important Ruby was to Fifteen, so important that he was willing to torture The Chuldur out of grief, Rogue is putting The Doctor’s needs before his own and stopping him from having to choose between her and the world. It's also why Rogue wiping away his tears before the kiss was so crazy because that's normally the Doctor's job. The Doctor is normally the one who turns sadness into hope. This time, someone else is doing that for him.

(credit to ngatwa again)

The greatest act of love in the episode was not the proposal, it was the sacrifice.

To close our tale, let us circle back to talking about Fifteen’s character arc. I opened this essay by talking about Fifteen’s main character flaw being a contradiction: both valuing emotional intimacy and running from it. That doesn’t seem to change by the end of this episode, so much so that Ruby forces Fifteen to take a moment and mourn Rogue’s loss when he wants to steamroll forward. But there’s one little detail left: Fifteen kept the ring. Not only kept it but is wearing it in the season finale to the point of even playing with it like a nervous tick.

That bond, that relationship was so important to him that he doesn’t allow himself to ignore it. It’s only after he has that hug with Ruby that he pulls out the ring and chooses to wear it. Rogue is the one thing Fifteen won’t run away from because what they had wasn’t fake. It was real.

Rogue, the supposed bounty hunter who only cared about wealth, loved The Doctor so much that he was willing to give up his life for his friend. The Doctor, the supposed Time Lord who flees from attachment, loves Rogue enough to remember him every day.

I ask you, gentle readers, how could one resist a love story like that?

NOTE: some extra bits I wanted to include that I couldn’t fit anywhere else: I’m such a sucker for color symbolism, and having Rogue wear blue in contrast to Fifteen’s normally warm color palette, as well as blue being the color of The TARDIS…it just makes me feel things, ya’ know?

Also, by not gendering Rogue’s previous partner, only ever using they/them pronouns, it helps add to the relationship in a social commentary way. It subtly shows that Rogue already has experience/is attracted to people who on some level defy gender norms, which helps prime the audience to buy Rogue accepting/liking The Doctor being able to change gender when regenerating.

Essentially, I'm insane over these two, and I need them back on screen as soon as possible.

#text #meta writing #long post #doctor who #dw meta #doctor who meta #doctor who analysis #fifteenth doctor #rogue doctor who #fifteenrogue #fifteen x rogue

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family-on-6 · 1 year ago

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Ok I seriously despise Porter. Especially now after the new episode, his interactions with Gorgug and Fig always felt a little ehhh but now it's just I have a blinding hatred for this motherfucker. How can you be a teacher, not just a fully grown adult but a TEACHER in a position of AUTHORITY AND INFLUENCE, and just straight up bully one of your students for what, not being angry enough? Having a kind and generous heart? Literally Porter has been Gorgug's teacher for two whole years now and we have heard him say maybe one nice thing to Gorgug. Almost every other time we see them interact, Porter is comparing Fig to Gorgug, who isn't even supposed to be taking barbarian classes, mind you, and basically telling Gorgug that his friend is a better barbarian than him to his face. He even encourages Fig to continue attending barbarian classes, when he KNOWS that isn't even her goddamn class! He has the common sense to know that she is suffering academically because she keeps going to barbarian classes but he keeps encouraging her and positively reinforcing that behavior, and Fig almost gets expelled from school because of it! Fucking WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??

And don't even get me STARTED on their conversation about the MCAT. Imagine having a teenager come up to you, a person they look up to and seek guidance from, and they tell you that they found something else that they excel at and are passionate about. What would you do in that scenario? I think most reasonable fucking people on the planet would encourage that young and impressionable TEENAGER to follow their heart, wouldn't you think? But no, Porter decides to refuse to let Gorgug take the MCAT, despite knowing for a fucking fact that he's capable because, I dunno, he's SAVED THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD MULTIPLE TIMES WITH HIS FRIENDS, WHO ARE ALSO TEENAGERS. And because of this Gorgug is forced to take on so much more work than he would've needed to if Porter just got his fucking head out of his ass and let Gorgug be an artificer without him needing to find a workaround.

So yeah Emily was right from the beginning and Porter is a total asshole. I hate him so much and every time he comes on screen I desperately want a baby grand piano to come crashing down on his big ass head. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

#dimension 20 #dropout #fantasy high #intrepid heroes #fantasy high junior year #brennan lee mulligan #gorgug thistlespring #fig faeth #porter fantasy high #porter when I catch you porter #can you tell I've had a bad experience with a teacher like this in the past #emily axford #zac oyama

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lurkingshan · 2 months ago

Text

Theory of Love Episode 4: Crazy Stupid Love

Finally, a decent movie! Crazy Stupid Love is a solidly written film with a ridiculously talented cast, and while there are not really any direct character parallels to Third like in previous films, I can see why its themes would speak to him. A brief synopsis of the movie:

Cal is a middle-aged family man whose wife Emily suddenly announces that she cheated on him and wants a divorce. This sends him into a tailspin until he meets Jacob, a local hoe who has perfected his routine for hitting on women, who decides to help Cal rebuild his confidence. Cal gets into hookup culture but is still miserably pining for his ex wife, Emily tries to move on but can't let go of Cal, and Jacob meets Hannah, who breaks through his player persona and changes his perspective on relationships. Meanwhile, Cal's son Robbie inappropriately tries to pursue his babysitter Jessica, while Jessica has her (far too young) eyes on Cal. In the end, Cal and Emily are still separated, but everyone's emotions are out in the open and there's hope they may reconcile.

The film believes that earnest expressions of love are always worthwhile and can change people, and also that feeling deep love for someone when your feelings are not mutual can be a torment. I can see both of these ideas speaking to Third, and I think there are multiple characters in the film that he can connect to in some way. Cal, who is pining for the person he believes is his soulmate. Robbie and Jessica, who are both hopelessly in love with someone they can never have, but can't seem to let go. Jacob, who meets someone who takes over his brain and steals all his attention. But most of all, I think Third would want to see himself in Hannah, the girl who shook Jacob up so much that he stopped playing around and fell in love.

And in this episode, Third starts to get a taste of that reality, only to have the rug cruelly pulled out from under him when he realizes Khai has been intentionally testing him to figure out his feelings. The episode is constructed to bring us along with Third as Khai's behavior toward him suddenly becomes more attentive and solicitous. Third struggles with himself as he begins to believe Khai's feelings for him are changing in the way he hoped, and also tries not to let himself believe it. We wonder right alongside Third what's driving the change in Khai's behavior and start letting our guard down, only to have it revealed that this is all a scheme Bone and Khai cooked up because Bone thinks Third likes Khai, and Khai wants to prove that he doesn't.

There's no defending this behavior: Khai is wrong to test Third in this way, no matter what he believes is true (and Bone is also an asshole for suggesting and encouraging it). To try to trick his friend into revealing something about himself, including things about his sexuality that he has every right to keep private, is horrifying, and Khai shouldn't have done it. He is telling himself there's no harm done because he's just confirming what he already wants to believe--that Third doesn't like him like that--but there's a big element to this that is more about assuaging Khai's own fear and anxiety, and he's prioritizing that over being decent to Third. If nothing else, being messed with and manipulated this way is humiliating and hurtful, and Third deserves much better treatment from his best friend.

That said, I like the way this scheme between Khai and Bone parallels the way Third and Two have been scheming in the previous couple episodes; Bone begins to suspect Third's feelings because of all of Third's attempts to get Khai's attention without actually confessing. All of these boys need to grow up and talk to each other rather than playing these games, and it's telling that Third and Khai were both led down this stupid path of manipulation and lies based on advice from their mutual friends. These dudes are simply not equipped to be helping each other through these emotionally complex situations. Their behavior feels right for emotionally immature young men fueled by toxic masculinity, but lord do I want to give them all a good slap.

This is the first time in this story that Third's anger feels proportional to what Khai did, and I appreciate that the way the episode is shot and framed makes it feel different than his previous self-inflicted sadness. Crazy Stupid Love is a smartly constructed movie that intentionally holds back information and uses surprise reveals to reframe character interactions and relationships in crucial moments, and I love that the show borrowed from that style for this episode. As a result, we experience the same emotional whiplash that Third does, and his sense of betrayed anguish at the end lands much stronger than any previous iteration we've seen from him. I continue to be really impressed with how the show is using these films to inform the themes and construction of the story for each episode, it's well done.

#tol romcom rewatch #theory of love #thai bl #crazy stupid love #shan shouts into the void

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sequinsmile-x · 1 year ago

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The Final Say

Emily wants to put the Christmas tree up in mid-November. Aaron does not.

It's a good thing Emily is an expert at getting her husband to see her point of view.

-x-

Hi friends!

This fic came from a conversation I was having with @cloudlessly-light, who after seeing my Christmas tree in the background of a photo of my cat, told me off for having it up so early haha

Naturally my brain went to 'imagine Aaron and Emily having differing views on when the tree should go up'...and that then turned into a smut fic.

I'm sure I say this every time I write smut, but I truly think this is the filthiest thing I've written so far.

Let me know what you think <3

-x-

Words: 3.5k

Warnings: Smut, 18+ (oral sex, a smidge of dirty talk)

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Emily loved Christmas.

She always had, ever since she was a kid. It was something that had always been the same wherever she was in the world, a piece of home that followed her and her mother no matter where they lived. She knew it was for show, she’d known that even when she was young. The tree and the decorations weren’t for her, but for the parties her mother would host, for the dignitaries that would always seem to be in their house, but that never diminished her enjoyment of it. The sparkly lights and brightly coloured ornaments never failing to warm her from the inside out.

She’d always hoped that one day she’d decorate a tree with her own family. Pulling the same ornaments and decorations from a box they stored in the attic every year, not new ones in every city, and placing them on a tree they picked out together, not one that seemingly appeared one morning.

She loved Christmas, and that meant she felt the pull to put the decorations up as soon as the days ticked over into mid-November. She wanted to sit on the couch curled up with her children and her husband and look at the tree. She wanted to bathe in the warm light the string lights emitted, a hot chocolate with whiskey in her palms.

She was even more excited this year than usual. It was Issac’s first Christmas, and even though she knew the 3-month-old would have no clue what was going on, she couldn’t wait to include him in all of the traditions they’d come up with since she’d moved in with Aaron and Jack.

The only issue is, that no matter how much she loved Christmas, Aaron did not.

It’s not that he hated it, far from it. As it got closer to the actual date he got involved in the festivities. He’d walk alongside her at the Christmas markets, one hand in hers and the other in Jack’s, letting them drag him from stall to stall. The debate about the Christmas tree would always begin as soon as she started to think about it, making sure she dropped not-so-subtle hints that would make him raise an eyebrow at her.

It was during their first Christmas together, their relationship only a few months old at the time, when she realised she could use his inability to say no to her when she was naked for her own gain. She’d seduced him easily by walking into his bedroom with nothing more than his favourite lingerie on, and once he’d fucked her into the mattress he’d agreed to her putting the tree up whenever she wanted to.

It had become a tradition in itself. A game between the two of them that would always end with her winning, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t have some fun along the way. In fact, she’d just laid the evidence of last year's fun down for his afternoon nap in the nursery.

Issac was asleep, Jack was at a friend's for a sleepover, and she had Aaron all to herself.

She finds him in their bedroom, focused on putting away laundry, and she wraps her arms around him from behind. She kisses his shoulder through his shirt, and he stops what he’s doing to place his hands over hers on his stomach.

“Did he go down okay?”

She hums and nods, “He’s fast asleep,” she says, kissing his shoulder again before she encourages him to turn to face her, her hands on his hips, “Which means we have some time to ourselves,” she says, looking up at him through her lashes.

“Oh really?” He asks, his hands skating over her waist before they land on her lower back, “What were you thinking?”

She pretends to think about it, her teeth sinking into her lower lip, “We could…put up the tree?”

He groans, shaking his head at her as if he hadn’t known this was coming, “Em, it’s too early.”

She pulls him towards the loveseat they keep in the corner of their bedroom and she pushes him down onto it before she sits on top of him, placing her knees on either side of his hips. She pouts as she settles into his lap, purposely making a point of grinding against him as she does. She bites her lip when she feels his hands tighten on her hips almost involuntarily.

“But it’s Christmas,” she complains as she frowns at him.

“It’s mid-November,” he quips, raising his eyebrow at her. He knew how this would end, that he’d end up giving in like he did every year, but it didn’t mean he was going to give in easily. Especially when it usually ended well for him.

“The boys will be excited,” she says, cupping the back of his neck, making him shiver as she runs her fingers across his skin, “They love Christmas.”

“Jack is 8, he knows when Christmas actually is, and Issac is 12 weeks old, he isn’t even aware it’s Christmas. Or that he has feet.” He replies, watching as she attempts to suppress a smile, “The only things he’s aware of are your breasts and when it’s the most inconvenient time to wake up from his nap.”

She leans in to stamp her kiss against his, smirking when he chases her as she pulls back. She cups the back of his head. “Well,” she says, kissing him again, “Then we’d better hurry up and make sure we don’t give him a chance to interrupt us.”

Aaron groans when she rolls her hips against his again, and he grasps her waist, his thumbs pressing into the bottom of her ribcage.

“We’re not putting the tree up,” he says, the challenge weak even to his ears, and she leans in, her lips against his ear as she responds.

“We’ll see about that.”

She kisses him fiercely, her tongue sweeping through his mouth as she tightens her hold on his head, her nails scratching at his scalp. He groans and his hands slip to her hips, holding them tightly as he pulls her closer. He pushes his hips up into hers and she whimpers at the feeling of him half hard under her. She only pulls away when she needs to, sucking in a breath before she sinks her teeth into his lower lip, tugging at it before she lets it go.

“Let me convince you,” she says, kissing him quickly before she shifts back in his lap, her fingers reaching for his shirt. She unbuttons his shirt, kissing and nipping at his skin as she reveals it, paying close attention to his scars like she always did. It was something they’d done for each other since the beginning, lips and fingers delicately pressed against the raised skin. Neither of them ever forgetting to worship the other where they’d been stitched back together, proof of what they’d survived to make it to each other.

She gets out of his lap and kneels in front of the loveseat, her hands reaching for his belt buckle and she looks up at him as she undoes it and his pants. He lifts his hips just long enough for her to pull his pants and boxers. She kneels in between his legs and takes his cock in her hand and clenches her thighs together, desperate for some friction, at the punched out groan that escapes him the moment she touches his heated skin.

“Fuck, Em,” he grunts, his eyes fixed on her as she leans forward, maintaining eye contact with him as she licks the tip of him, a smile flashing across her face as his hips twitch towards her face.

“Impatient,” she teases, slowly pumping him up and down, her breath skipping over him, her smile turning into a smirk as he all but growls at her.

“Sweetheart-”

He’s cut off as she takes him in her mouth, his words lost to a moan as he feels himself hit the back of her throat, the sound of her gagging sparking a fire in his gut. He pushes his fingers through her hair, tightening them in the strands as she bobs up and down, using her mouth and hands in tandem.

“Fuck, baby,” he says, “You’re so fucking good at that.” He says, and the praise makes her stomach flip, forcing her to once again press her thighs together. She takes him as far down her throat as she can, only spurred on as she chokes around him and he thrusts up into her mouth. He feels a familiar tug in his gut, and he stops her, gently tugging at her hair, smiling as she lifts her head and looks at him with a dazed look in her eyes, a line of spit trailing from her lower lip to his tip.

He cups her chin and encourages her upwards, steadying her on her feet as he pulls her in to kiss him, groaning as he tastes himself on her lips. When he breaks the kiss he smiles at her.

“Take your clothes off and get on the bed,” he says, his voice low and raspy. She follows his instructions without really thinking about it, shedding her clothes with little fanfare as she watches him finish the job she’d started by taking off his clothes.

He’s on her the second she’s on the bed, pressing her into the mattress by laying on top of her, finding his place in the cradle of her hips. She groans as he kisses down her chest, his touch turning gentle as he skates over her breasts, well aware that was his youngest son’s domain for now. He licks along the length of the scar beneath her ribcage, mapping out each line of it from where he’d memorised it long ago. The topography of her body his favourite thing, each hill and valley of her skin somewhere he could happily get lost in. Since she’d had Issac he’d taken the opportunity to learn the ways her body had changed, every part of her infinitely more beautiful to him now she’d carried their son and kept him safe.

She’s squirming beneath him by the time he reaches her thighs, his hands surprisingly gentle as he pushes them apart. He feels pride swell in his chest at how wet she is already, how she glistens in the light of their bedroom, and he breathes her in.

“So wet for me already, sweetheart,” he says, nipping the top of her thigh with his teeth before soothing it with a kiss, smiling when she bucks her hips, “I’ve barely touched you,” he says, turning his head to her other thigh and giving it the same treatment, “You like being on your knees for me, don’t you?”

She whimpers at his words, her heels finding their place on his shoulders, digging in as a silent form of warning, “Please.”

As much as he enjoyed teasing her, he knew their time was limited. The baby would be up soon and he didn’t want this to finish before it had really got started.

Aaron leans in and licks through her, his groan at the taste of her matching the one that escapes her at the pleasure that rushes through her. He pushes two thick fingers inside of her, curling them upwards as he does so, smirking against her skin when she rolls her hips just as he hits the right spot.

“Oh god yes,” she says, trying to keep quiet, “Please don’t stop.”

She pushes herself up onto her elbows to look down, to see his face buried in her, the tension in his arm as he moves his fingers in and out of her. The burning in her belly starts to build, crackling through her nerves as it’s ready to ignite. He looks up at her, and as their eyes meet she falls over the edge, the intimacy of it giving her the final shove she needs.

He’s on her in a second, his lips against hers as he captures the moan that escapes her, pushing his tongue into her mouth, sharing the taste of herself with her. It’s only when she comes down from her high that she realises her legs are still over his shoulder. He’s bent in her half, something that a few short months ago she would have thought was a move that was now beyond her, and his cock notches over her sensitive and swollen clit.

“I didn’t know I could still bend that far,” she says breathlessly, smiling when he grins at her, his eyes blown black with desire, “Thought I’d lost that ability around the time my hips got wider.”

“You’re fucking gorgeous,” he grunts, pushing forward so he enters her, both of them groaning at the familiar stretch, “You’re fucking perfect.”

She clenches around him, the angle, the fact she’d barely come down from her last orgasm, making everything seem more sensitive, closer than it usually did. He stills his hips, clearly trying to give her a moment, but she doesn’t need or want it.

All she needs is him.

“Move,” she insists, purposely clenching around him, the breath knocked out of her as he does so involuntarily, “Please move.”

He never could say no to her, not really, so he does as he’s asked, his rhythm unforgiving as he thrusts in and out of her. She grasps his back, her hips matching the rhythm he has set, one she was as familiar with as she was with every inch of his body. Even back when they did this for the first time there had been a sense of familiarity about it, something that felt like coming home.

She eventually feels the spark in her belly again, and she can tell he’s close too, his hips slowly becoming more sporadic.

“I’m going to come,” she says, clenching around him again, “I’m so fucking close.”

“Me too, baby,” he replies, burying his face in her shoulder, his hand drifting down to her clit to draw soft but concise circles over her, “Let me feel it.”

She comes, her teeth sinking into his neck to stop herself from screaming, and it triggers his orgasm, the feel of him coming deep inside of her making her sigh. They lay there for a moment before he pushes himself up on his hands, his palms on either side of her head before he leans down to kiss her. He sits up just enough that her legs slip off his shoulders, slumping against the bed in a way that made her feel as light as a feather and as if she was made of lead at the same time. She pats his chest as he lays back down next to her, still desperately trying to suck air back into her lungs. He kisses her cheek and then turns her head just enough to kiss him. She smiles as she pulls back, her hand on his cheek.

“Okay,” he says one of his hands trailing down her side, smiling as she shivers, “We can put the tree up.”

She chuckles as she kisses him softly, a gentle press of her lips against his, “I always win, why do you even fight it?”

He shrugs, “Why would I when we have so much fun along the way?” He says, and she shakes her head at him as he waggles his eyebrows at her, and she presses her thumb into his lower lip, feeling the familiar plushness.

“You better not have gotten me pregnant this year,” she jokes, well aware it wasn’t a possibility, that she was on her birth control and they weren’t actively trying like they had been last year, “We barely sleep as it is.”

Aaron laughs and shakes his head at her, “No one can ever know Issac is the product of last year's Christmas tree debate.”

She smiles as he kisses her thumb, but her response is cut off by a cry from down the hall, “Speaking of Santa’s little helper,” she quips, “He’s done with his nap.”

“I’ll get him,” Aaron says, stamping one last kiss to her lips before he stands up and walks over to his dresser to get a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“Good,” she replies, resting on her elbows to look at him, throwing him a wink from where she was still lying on the bed, “Because my legs still aren’t working.”

___

They have the team over for Thanksgiving.

Everyone took turns hosting, even though Dave did most of the cooking every year, and this time it was decided it made the most sense for everyone to come to their house since they had the youngest kid.

Emily smiles as she glances over at Aaron, Issac in his arms and Jack excitedly talking to his father and Dave, before she walks over to join JJ, Derek and Spencer who are all standing around the tree. Derek smiles curiously at her as she stands next to him.

“How did you convince Hotch to put up the tree, Princess?” He asks, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as he looks back at it, “I thought he used to have a strict ‘not before December’ rule when it came to decorations.”

JJ chuckles, cutting Emily off before she can reply, “You don’t want to know, Derek,” she says, taking a sip of her wine, “Penelope made the mistake of asking last year and she still hasn’t recovered,” she leans in closer as if they are conspiring, “Plus, Hotch has a hell of a hickey on his neck. Do the math yourself.”

Emily feels her cheeks go red as everyone looks over at her husband, the bruise on his throat not quite covered by his shirt collar.

“Oh, gross,” Derek says, and Emily rolls her eyes.

“Oh come on, Aaron and I are married. We have a baby, it can’t be a surprise we have sex,” she shrugs, looking back over at her husband, smiling as he continues to talk to Dave whilst he bounces Issac in his arms, trying to soothe the slightly cranky baby, “Besides, I know how to get what I want. And what I want is the Christmas tree being put up on November 15th.”

“So this happens…every year?” Spencer asks, the question escaping him before he really thinks it through, and she looks over at him, her eyebrow raised.

“I’m sure I’ll regret asking this question,” she says, “But why do you want to know that?”

“If you always put the tree up on November 15th that means you put it up 53 weeks ago,” Spencer says, and Emily’s eyes go wide as she realises what he’s figuring out, the maths pulling together in his head before she can stop him, “And you were pregnant for 39 weeks and 3 days, and Issac is about to turn 14 weeks old-”

“Okay,” she says, cutting him off with a glare and a raised hand, “That’s enough.”

It’s too late, and she hears JJ laugh and Derek groan in disgust, “Oh God,” he says, scrunching his face up, “You’re telling me that Issac exists because you wanted the Christmas tree to go up in Nov-”

“Please don’t say anything to Aaron,” she says, almost begging. She knows JJ would never say anything, and that Spencer would be too afraid too, but Derek lived to wind her up, solidifying his place as the brother she never had or asked for, “He’ll never have sex with me again if he finds out you know.”

Derek raises an eyebrow at her, “Is that meant to deter me? If you never have sex again I never have to hear about it again.”

“How about if you tell him I’ll kill you and no one will ever know it was me,” she says, narrowing her eyes at him, “We all know I’d get away with it.”

Derek swallows thickly, clearly taking her seriously, and he nods, his silent agreement coming just in time as Aaron walks over and hands Issac to her.

“Someone wants Mommy,” he says, looking back and forth between his wife and their friends as they all go deathly silent as he arrives.

“Hi sweet boy,” Emily says, securing Issac to her chest and turning so he can see the tree, his face lighting up with a smile as he sees the lights. Aaron kisses her forehead and walks away as Dave calls for him, “You like the tree, huh?” She says to Issac, kissing the side of his head.

“Just like his Mom,” Derek adds, hiding his smirk behind his glass as he takes a sip. She looks up at him, her glare firmly back in place.

“Derek I swear to God.”

-x-

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diagnosedpsychosis · 2 years ago

Note

hi! I don’t know if you’re taking requests but could you possible write a aaron x bau!fem reader piece based on the episode in s10 where Hayley’s dad still blames Hotch for her death and then Hotch starts to self deprecate and is truly hurt but his words and pushes the reader away unintentionally but then it ends in fluff :) love your work btw!!

YESS!!! This is sooo good!!! Sorry it took so long for me to write and post. Thank you for the request and I hope you like it. (fingers crossed it makes sense cause I finished it half asleep) <3

Word Count: 2.5k

__________________________________________

You didn't know what you'd done wrong. If you'd made a comment, or acted in a way Aaron wasn't fond of, you were sure you must've done something otherwise why would he be avoiding you like the plague?

You'd walk into a room and he would look anywhere but at you. He'd interact with the team, encouraging input and suggestions, but would blind side and ignore anything you'd say, no matter how sound it was to the case. It was almost as if you were invisible, a ghost Aaron couldn't see nor hear.

And he was your boyfriend, and had been for years now.

It's been a couple days since he started acting weird, right after having to pick Roy, Aaron's ex father in law, up from the police station after he'd broken into his old store and tried to 'open up for the day'. Your heart was with the older man who was suffering from Alzheimer's, unable to even begin to imagine going through what he was.

Memories were stripped from him, his reality all over the place as something he thought had only happened yesterday, actually happened years ago. And that happened almost every day.

You'd tried calling Aaron and if the phone didn't go straight to voicemail, it'd drag out, letting you get your hopes up that he'd pick it up. But he didn't. He just kept letting it ring. Even all of your text messages. You didn't know how he was feeling after the whole Roy ordeal, but thinking he might just be a little low you kept to a non overbearing amount of texts, wanting to give him space if that's what he needed. You didn't know what it was he needed though, after all he'd barely spoken 10 words to you in the last 4 days and you were losing patience.

You had tried cornering him at work, in the kitchen but he managed to slip away every time someone walked in. You'd gone into his office and locked the door behind yourself, telling him you needed to talk, but in return he'd tell you he was busy and would then unlock the door himself and not so nicely see you out.

You tried not to take it personally. Maybe he was treating everyone like that?

He wasn't.

Your blood boiled and your heart hammered so loudly in your chest you heard it in your ears. You watched Aaron leave his desk and walk into the conference room where he made conversation with Derek and Emily for more than 5 minutes. He couldn't even give you 5 seconds but he was giving them much more.

Then you watched him stop by Rossi's office on the way back to his, hearing his faint laugh and seeing his soft smile as he turned around and shook his head.

Forget it. Forget him.

You had kept trying to talk to him over and over and over again, and he couldn't spare you a single minute. You were pissed, and so you decided you were leaving early. With a huff you stood up from your seat and with a bit too much force slid your chair back under your desk. All of your team mates immediately noticed your mood, even Derek and Emily when the sound of your chair hitting your desk startled them.

"Y/n, are you alright?" Spencer had barely even gotten the question out before you were grabbing your completed case file and storming up to your boyfriends office.

"Just dandy" You grunted in response, feeling eyes burning into you as you walked up the flight stairs with heavy steps before flinging open Aaron's office door and walking inside without knocking.

His head shot up and his eyes briefly met yours in a deep frown before looking down to your hand and the case file you were gripping so hard your knuckles were turning white.

"Done?" He asked, looking back up at your face. He waited for an answer, frown hardening as you walked up to his desk, slapped the file down and turned around. If he wanted to play the silent game then so could you.

"Y/n?" He called out to you when you didn't answer him. You grabbed the door knob to his office, slamming the door closed behind you as you exited his office and descended the steps back into the bullpen. You felt a thousand pairs of eyes on you, ignoring them all as you grabbed your already packed bag and headed out the bullpen and towards the elevator.

You were too busy listening to your heart hammering in your ears to hear or notice Aaron following after you. You pressed the button for the elevator over and over again, hoping it'd make it open faster.

"Do you even care that you just caused a scene?" You jumped, not expecting to hear Aaron at all, let alone so close to you. But still, you ignored him.

"Silent treatment? How old are you, 5?" Aaron asked and yet you continued to stay silent. A slow, humourless huff left him as the elevator doors opened and you stepped inside. You turned around, now facing him as he stood a couple meters back from the doors.

The second you had turned around and Aaron's eyes met yours his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, face softening at the defeated look on your face as you stared right back at him.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"If you can't put aside one minute of your day to talk to me, why would you think I wouldn't do the same?" You replied, Aaron standing speechless as the doors closed the second you'd finished talking. He stared right back at his reflection, contemplating going after you. He thought about it, but came to the conclusion that maybe you needed some space to cool down.

You were mad, but still you'd hoped Aaron would follow you past the elevator. You wanted him to come after you, to figure out why you had left and to problem solve and apologise. But he didn't and you realised it after being home for half an hour.

Aaron wanted to go after you, hell you were the love of his life and clearly hurting over something, but he was letting Roy's remarks from days before get to him.

'You make a mistake and I lose my daughter.'

He was terrified of making another mistake and losing you too. He'd already lost Haley twice, once from the divorce and the second time to Foyet, so losing you would absolutely break him to the point of no return.

So he kept his distance. He couldn't make a mistake that'd hurt you if you weren't around. He was willing to do whatever it took to keep you safe, even if it meant hurting himself. He thought he was helping, but he didn't realise he was hurting a lot more than just himself.

Hours passed before Aaron finally decided enough was enough. He could barely work, thoughts of you wrecking his brain as he tried so hard to figure out what was wrong with you. For such an intelligent profiler, he could be a pretty dumb boyfriend.

It was yet to click that him distancing himself from you was why you were irritated, but he was soon going to find out.

He left work before anyone else which was a surprise to the rest of the team as it was exactly 5 o'clock. He grabbed flowers on the way to yours and even picked up your favourite food, hoping it'd be enough to at least let him in. So when he knocked on the door and you opened but left no room for him to squeeze in he realised it was a lot more than you just being irritated. It was serious.

"Hi" He said softly, not wanting to scare you off and cop a door to the face. You stared up at him blankly, your hold on the door knob tight as you itched to close it.

"What do you want, Aaron?" He usually loved the way you said his name, but not now, not when it's so clear you don't want to see him.

"Can I come in?"

"No" Your answer made Aaron rear back in surprise.

"No?" He repeated your answer, the flowers in his hand no longer pressed against his chest, but dangling down at his side.

"Do you wanna know why?" You asked, not giving him any time to answer before you continued.

"Because you're too blind to see what's wrong. Too busy to even spare me a glance, or talk to me when I'm trying to talk to you. Was this what it was like with you and Haley, because if it was it wasn't a relationship" You didn't like bringing Haley up to Aaron. You knew in some ways he was still healing from their divorce and her death, but you also knew that deep down she'd never liked you.

You were new to the team around the time of their divorce and as much as you tried to be the kind of person that was still friendly with their bosses ex, she never gave you the time of day. She'd been threatened by you since day one, even though her and Aaron weren't together anymore.

"So tell me what the hell I've done to push you away from me or I'm never inviting you inside again" Your heart was racing, chest heaving and you stared up at Aaron. Your frown softened ever so slightly as you watched a range of emotions flicker across his face before settling on sadness. He sighed as rubbed his eyes before answering.

"You didn't do anything wrong. You're perfect, you always are. I just-" He paused, tilting his head back and staring up at the roof. Your eyebrows furrowed more. Aaron never had a hard time sharing anything with you, even his emotions, but right now he was struggling and it made you feel bad for forcing an answer out of him.

But you had to. You couldn't continue walking on eggshells around him and wondering when he'll even look in your direction next.

"Roy's never going to forgive me for what happened to Haley" You shook your head slightly, not understanding what Roy had anything to do with you.

"I don't-"

"He made the point that I made a mistake and it got her killed. And I'm just worried that if I make a mistake when you're around..." Aaron drifted off and your heart hurt for him.

"Oh Aaron" You sighed, opening the door further and taking a step out to meet him. You pressed your hand to his chest and dipped your head to meet his eyes. He reluctantly returned your gaze.

"You can't tip toe around me for the rest of your life. If something happens then something happens. It'd never be your fault" You tried to reason with him, but he was still quick to shake his head.

"But y/n-" You cut your boyfriend off, not wanting to hear him blame himself for something that hadn't even happened yet, if ever.

"No buts Aaron. No but's, no if's, no maybe's, no what's. You can't keep avoiding me on the 1 in 100 chance I could get hurt" Aaron sighed, placing his hand on top of yours against his chest.

"I'm not a fan of the 1 in 100 odds" He mumbled, staring down at your lips, not wanting to look into your eyes when he was feeling so sensitive and vulnerable.

"And I'm not a fan of you blaming yourself for something you didn't physically do" You whisper back, bending your head, trying to catch his eyes. When he finally looks up and away from your mouth you offer him the smallest, but most comforting smile you can muster up.

"Honey, you know you did everything you could to protect Haley and Jack. Protective custody, moving them far away from you, cutting off contact until you knew they'd be safe" You list of some of the many thing Aaron did to prove how much he loved and cared for his family. You remember how hard Aaron was taking it when he didn't know where Jack and Haley were and couldn't contact him. It was killing him but he didn't dare force an answer out of anyone because he knew it was what was best to keep them safe.

"It wasn't enough though" Aaron whispers and whilst he still sounds guilty about it, you can hear the slight tension lift in his voice. You're slowly easing his mind and his conscience. You moved your hand from his chest, his arm dropping back down by his side as you bring your hands up to cup his face.

"The point is you tried, and you did everything you yourself could possibly do. Sometimes the bad slips in and takes personal trophies, but you didn't make them feel scared, you made them feel safe and loved" Aaron's eyes are bouncing back and forth between yours, his eyebrows losing some of their tension, finally letting his face relax.

"Roy-"

"Roy owned a store. He never had to get the bad guy and come home all in one day" Your little remark makes Aaron's top lip twitch upwards. You lift yourself up onto your tippy toes, bringing his face down to meet yours as you press a soft, light kiss to his lips.

"At the end of the day all that matters is that you've got a son at home, that loves and adores you. He's not sheltered as much as you wish he was. He knows what happened and it's gonna hurt him for a long time. The memory is gonna hurt him, not you" Aaron presses his forehead against yours, exhaling a deep breath he'd been holding in for days. You were his comfort person, you always knew what to say and do, and if anything now he just felt unbelievably stupid for avoiding the one person that made him feel better.

"Now... What the hell are you still doing here?" Aaron frowns, pulling back slightly, worried for a split second that you're still mad. But then he sees your smirk.

"What?"

"I thought what I said was a pretty good hint towards the fact that there's a little boy somewhere that needs you" Aaron holds up the food he'd bought you and the flowers, shrugging as if to say 'but I'm here to see you'. You laugh, pressing another kiss to his lips.

"I can wait a day or two" Aaron huffs out an airy laugh as you take the food and flowers before retreating back into your apartment. You grin up at him as he watches in disbelief. You're actually not letting him inside.

"I love you" You whisper, grabbing the door knob and slowly closing the door. You pause, staring at Aaron waiting to hear him say it back. He laughs again, shaking his head as he starts slowly backing away, already looking forward to seeing you next.

"I love you more."

#aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotch fic #aaron hotch fluff #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch x you #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x female reader #criminal minds

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 11 months ago

Text

By: Emily Yoffe

Published: Jun 11, 2024

Eithan Haim, 34, is at the beginning of his career as a surgeon. He and his wife are expecting their first child in the fall. And now he is facing a four-count federal felony indictment for blowing the whistle on Texas Children’s Hospital, where he worked while a resident.

At TCH, he discovered the hospital was secretly continuing gender transition treatments on minors—including hormonal intervention on patients as young as 11 years old—after publicly declaring, in March of 2022, it would no longer provide such services.

The hospital unwillingly backed away from the treatments under pressure from the Texas governor and attorney general. But Haim found not only were the treatments continuing—the program appeared to be expanding. He recorded several online presentations by medical staff encouraging the transition of children—one social worker described how she deliberately did not make note of such treatment in the medical charts of patients to avoid leaving a paper trail. Haim told me, “They were talking publicly about how they were concealing what they were doing. You can’t take care of your patient without trust. For me as a doctor, to not do something about this was unconscionable.”

Haim, like a growing number of medical professionals around the world, had grave doubts about the safety and efficacy of the explosively growing business of youth gender transition medicine. When he looked into it, he found that children distressed about their biological sex often had multiple mental health challenges—conditions that were being ignored in the rush to put vulnerable young people on hormones, and even to perform surgical interventions. These treatments are profoundly life-altering, with a high risk of rendering a young person sterile. In the last few years, a growing number of countries have investigated these treatments for young people, found the evidence wanting, and have effectively banned interventions such as puberty blockers—drugs that prevent children from entering puberty.

Haim felt he had to act, but he knew the career risks of speaking out could be enormous. He contacted conservative journalist Christopher Rufo, who published an exposé without naming Haim. Before giving Rufo evidence that puberty blockers were still being surgically implanted in young patients, Haim made sure the patient’s names and other identifying information were redacted. This was both to protect patient privacy, and himself from violating the law known as HIPAA, which protects individual patient identities while also allowing various uses of medical information. The story Haim gave to Rufo was published May 16, 2023. The next day, the Texas legislature voted to ban the medical gender transition of minors.

Haim says there was no immediate aftermath: “Everything went quiet. I was anonymous and went on with my life.” Then June 23 of last year, the day Haim was to graduate from his residency, two federal agents from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services showed up at his house to have a little chat. Haim’s wife, an assistant U.S. attorney for the Northern District of Texas, a different division of the U.S. Attorney’s office than the one that has indicted her husband, advised him not to talk.

As Haim later wrote in City Journal, “Before leaving, they handed me a letter revealing that I was a ‘potential target’ of an investigation involving alleged violation of federal criminal law related to medical records.” Haim then went public about the threat facing him in an interview with Rufo. (The U.S Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of Texas did not respond to a request for comment.)

Haim was indicted last week, but, as of this writing, he and his attorneys do not yet know the precise nature of the charges. One of his lawyers, Mark Lytle, told me it’s very unusual to bring felony charges for an alleged HIPAA violation unless there is a significant underlying crime, such as a hospital clerk selling a celebrity’s medical records. He said the indictment of Haim seems politically motivated. “The government is entering into the town square on the culture wars and didn’t like what Eithan had to say,” said Lytle. “I think they are looking to make an example of him.” Haim is raising money for his legal fees through this GiveSendGo account.

Haim told me despite the peril he is now facing he has no regrets about blowing the whistle and is committed to fighting the federal charges. He said, “If we don’t fight back, what world are we delivering our children into?”

#Eithan Haim #Texas Children’s Hospital #whistleblower #gender identity ideology #gender ideology #medical malpractice #medical scandal #medical corruption #lawfare #ideological corruption #ideological capture

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the-queen-and-the-king · 3 months ago

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A little piece of paradise - 8

Summary: Aaron witnessed the last moment of a suspect who said things that trespass his private life. Emily reaches for him to see if he's all right and discovers something that will bring her to reveal a part of her past.

It follows S04E16 "Pleasure is my business" and then suits also the "Make them kiss" challenge organized for Valentine's Day by @fuckyeahhotchniss

Characters: Aaron Hotchner and Emily Prentiss

Contents: mention of canonical death of a character (the unsub here), angst, self-deprecation, neglectful partner and parent NSFW/Minors DNI

This text will be an AU with a sudden canon-divergence. I wrote it when I was rewatching the show, so many chapters will be directly related to some episodes of season 4. There will be 28 chapters.

PS : English is not my mother language so they are necessarily mistakes. Sorry about that.

___

Read on AO3 / lire sur AO3

___

Emily knocked on the checkroom door and received no answer. Worried, she pushed open the gate and ventured into the room. There were only two aisles, so it didn't take her long to find Aaron sitting on one of the benches. He was still wearing his bulletproof vest. Staring into space, he didn't even react when she sat down next to him. She had to brush his bicep to make him flinch and turn his attention to her.

“Emily?”

As he didn't seem to understand what she was doing there, she explained:

“We’re ready to go back to the hotel. We'll be taking off tomorrow. I came to see if you were up to following us.”

He looked down at his outfit and she smiled when he looked back up at her. After what he'd just been through, she wasn't surprised he was so slowed down. He was digesting – slowly – this evening and the days that had gone before. The suspect had encroached heavily on his private life, and this was definitely not the sort of thing he appreciated. Even with his team members, he distilled this information in dribs and drabs – often when he had no choice. And with her, he was only just beginning to open up, allowing her only a few minutes' window before closing abruptly. An attitude she couldn't very well reproach him for since she was no better. By now, she knew more about him than he knew about her.

He turned his head away, continuing to observe the white tiles beneath their feet. She stroked his shoulder, as much to keep him in the moment as to reassure him.

“What did she tell you?” she asked, both out of curiosity and to encourage him not to keep it all to himself.

“She… “- he gulped – “she said that I was a good person. Because I keep my promises.”

“She’s right.”

If she went by his words alone, or those of people who didn't know him, her lover was a terribly boring, cold, unsympathetic, uptight, tactless, and even creepy guy. As for the last one, she admitted that his frown was no laughing matter. But apart from that, she knew that beneath his rough exterior was a lovely man, a little lost at times in the codes of society. If he did hurt someone – morally or physically – it was rarely intentional on his part.

“Yes, but not for that,” he replied with a sigh.

“What do you mean?” she frowned, confused.

“She…”

He froze, tucking his chin to his chest. He folded up to protect himself. It was a reflex, but she sensed he wanted to talk anyway. Emily slipped her hand into his and he agreed to intertwine his fingers with hers. She placed a kiss on his shoulder through his shirt to encourage him.

“She was right… about Jack.”

Her heart missed a beat. The subject of his son was particularly sensitive. When she had heard the culprit speak, she had guessed the pain that had gone through her companion's body. He cherished the little boy like the precious treasure he was, not even sure he was related to him, but his ex-wife had been given sole custody and he could only see him when his schedule allowed and at Haley's pleasure. Quite simply, he’d never missed him as much as he had since they'd stopped living under the same roof.

“Aaron…”

“I gave him a present for Christmas, I don't even know what he thought of it,” he revealed, turning his irises on her.

He had tears in his eyes. She herself had to hold back to avoid being hit by a ricochet.

“At the same time, it's complicated since he lives with his mother to know such things.”

“I'd know if I saw him as often as I should,” he retorted, dryly.

He was angry, but not at her. At himself. He had really planned to have contact with him – even for a few hours – at least once a week. But between the cases that propelled them halfway across the country for several days, his responsibilities as head of an FBI unit and their budding relationship, weeks passed before he was able to do anything. A breach of his word that was eating him up inside.

“Aaron, you do what you can.”

“Emily, I’ve missed everything.”

She scanned him, not quite grasping what he was talking about, but didn't let go. She had to keep that connection between them so he wouldn't escape and padlock his thoughts. Every day, they nibbled away at what little self-esteem he had.

“I missed... his first steps, his first words, the first time he ate with cutlery... everything. I missed all the milestones in his childhood when the three of us were still living together,” he snarled, tightening his grip on her hand. “I just had to be there.”

He no longer looked at her, his attention directed to the lockers facing them.

“And now it’s getting worse.”

She saw a tear roll down his cheek and onto his pants. He had no reaction. At least he trusted her enough not to hide his pain from her. An unconscious act that she appreciated enormously.

“I'm not a good person,” he concluded, before adding. “I’m not a good father.”

“Aaron, you can't say that knowing your options are limited.”

“I don't have to go into the field,” he cut her off.

She thought she'd heard wrong.

“What?”

“I don't have to go into the field with you,” he clarified, observing her. “In my director's job description, it's stipulated that field missions are not an obligation.”

This revelation, which took her some time to analyze, suddenly changed everything. She then understood that he had knowingly deserted his home to accompany his team. If Haley had been aware of this detail, her rage against him suddenly became much more legitimate. She realized she'd let go of his hand without thinking. Her subconscious had openly expressed its disapproval for him, and Aaron put up with a fake smile. He wasn't even angry at her for abandoning him. She wanted to renew contact, but he stood up and turned his back to her to remove his bulletproof vest.

It was a disaster! She had unconsciously validated his negative ideas when she thought just the opposite. She had to find something to hold him, so he'd stop blaming himself.

“Why?” she said in her most confident tone.

He stopped but didn't face her.

“Why did you decide to go into the field in the first place?”

No answer.

“Did you hate Haley?”

“No,” he immediately denied, turning his head.

“Did you hate Jack?”

“Of course not,” he said, presenting her with his profile.

“So, why?”

Silence filled the room. He didn’t know himself. Although very pragmatic and down-to-earth, her lover sometimes let his instincts guide him in certain matters, with not always very convincing results. And she was sure that this was the case this time.

“I'll tell you why,” she announced, remaining in her seat.

She was going to have to express what she thought without giving him the opportunity to counter-argue.

“That's because your brain loves it: solving investigations. He loves going out into the field, collecting clues, gathering evidence, and linking them together to find the culprit. That’s what your brain loves. It's what feeds it, what motivates it every day.”

She'd already seen him, in their spare time, playing with riddles and deduction games, and talking about them with great enthusiasm. His neurons were calibrated for this, and bathing in it calmed him. In contrast…

“Your brain isn't made for spending days filling in boxes on a spreadsheet or attending endless meetings with a bunch of sycophants who think only in terms of their wallets.”

If the world of politics was basically a basket of snakes for the men and women who navigated it on a daily basis, it was hell for him. Flattery went over his head, he was indifferent to bows, hypocrisy was a word absent from his vocabulary and, in any case, he didn't know how to lie.

“So, yes, Haley would have preferred you bore yourself to death five days a week, eight hours a day, to have you home every night to take care of a child you didn't want. But would you have been happy that way?”

Aaron looked at her in shock. That was the aim of her diatribe. To make him understand that the reproaches his ex-wife was heaping on him were proof that she hadn't understood who he really was and, above all, that she was the only one of the two who had wanted this child.

“Now, do you want me to tell you about a bad father?” she inquired without giving him a chance to answer. “Let’s talk about mine.”

His attitude changed slightly, shifting from stupefaction to interest.

“My father, a diplomat, met my mother at yet another embassy gala and spent a few weeks with her. I'm not even sure it's a month,” she pointed out bitterly.

When she had asked Elizabeth Prentiss about the origin of her birth, the latter had not been much more tender than she had been about this man whose identity she had not even deigned to pass on to her.

“When he found out my mother was pregnant, he vanished into thin air.”

Aaron frowned, incensed, as he did every time he heard of a resigning parent. He had lived through it all his childhood and blamed himself for putting his son through it.

“Worst of all, when she ran into him again later, when I was already born, he didn't ask any questions,” she recounted, feeling anger and sadness pounding in the back of her skull. “You think you're a bad father because you missed Jack's first steps, but mine, he doesn't even know what my name is. He doesn't know he has a daughter, when she was born, what she looks like, let alone what she's doing right now.”

She had spat out her last words more than she had spoken them. She was so disgusted by this guy, even though she'd never met him. At most, she could make out his features by subtracting her mother's from her face, but this was an activity that annoyed her more than anything else. This man was nothing less than a ghost in her life, a shadow that had left a vague imprint behind. Nothing like the individual in front of her, who worried every day about what his offspring would learn from him as they grew up.

Emily looked up and met her lover's pained gaze. She smiled and put the finishing touches to her argument.

“Do you still think she was wrong?”

He hesitated, then shook his head. She held out her hand to him – the one she'd unwittingly withdrawn – and he took it before sitting back down on the bench. He intertwined his fingers with hers, then kissed her tenderly on the forehead. A delighted smile stretched the profiler's lips.

“Thank you,” he murmured, stroking her cheek.

“You’re a good person, Aaron. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise.”

He lowered his nose, sheepishly. She almost added, "not even yourself," but he already knew he was his worst critic.

“Come on, let's get out of here before they wonder what we're up to,” she said, pumped up.

She released his palm to pat his thigh and stand up, before heading for the exit door. But she quickly retraced her steps.

“Oh, yes. I was forgetting.”

She leaned towards him, gently grasped his chin, and placed her mouth on his.

“I love you.”

An expression of intense joy appeared on Aaron's face. She winked at him and left the locker room, serene and in love.

___

First chapter >> https://www.tumblr.com/the-queen-and-the-king/771016298484334592/a-little-piece-of-paradise-1?source=share

Next chapter >> https://www.tumblr.com/the-queen-and-the-king/776090247474921472/a-little-piece-of-paradise-9?source=share

#hotchniss #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #emily prentiss #criminal minds fanfiction #hotchniss fanfiction #hotch #angst #valentines day

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sjsmith56 · 1 year ago

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Away Mission - Part 3

Summary: Sloan continues her investigations, then is forced to hide when her workplace is targeted. Bucky finishes his intelligence gathering and requests extraction but is discovered by someone from his past.

Length: 4.4 K

Characters: Sloan, OFC, Clint Barton, Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes, Jack Rollins, OMC.

Warnings: Bucky recalling abuse while with HYDRA, violence, Bucky immobilized, crude and suggestive language, homophobia, OMC recalls past trauma.

Part 2

🚪 ✈️

Part 3

Sloan

Working with Tess Murray had opened me up to a whole new level of investigative reporting. She had contacts everywhere, people who fed her bits and pieces of information that she somehow assembled into a complete story. How she convinced those people to talk to her was still her secret but there was no doubt that she was the type of person who could topple dictators. Right from the first teaser story that we put out a month ago, about Bucky signing a contract with Excalibur Security Group, she had insisted that my name also be attached to the pieces she filed.

“You’re doing the grunt work,” she said. “Finding the background on these people who are making things happen away from the public eye. I just get the names from my contacts.”

“Some of them really don’t seem the type to be that influential behind the scenes,” I responded. “I mean, look at this guy.” I pulled up a picture of a man on my laptop, who was supposedly another hire of ESG, according to her contact. “Jake Roberts, aged 49. According to your contact, Roberts was on SHIELD’s Strike team, yet no one by that name or with that face is in any of the documentation that was released by Natasha Romanoff in 2014.”

Tess looked closely at him, then shrugged. “My contacts just give me the names. The thing about mercenaries is that there are some that are exactly what they say they are. Then there are some that aren’t; they’re wanna-be soldiers who pad their resumes just like some of the sad guys who long to be movers and shakers in the business world. Roberts is a bit old to be playing the mercenary game, your ex-boyfriend excluded. He can always claim his record was destroyed when the Triskelion came down.” She dismissed my concern then looked up at me. “Speaking of sad guys, when are you going to put Devlin Horne out of his misery and take him up on his offer of drinks?”

I shut my laptop down and rolled my eyes. The man had been persistent that we should go for drinks. It was beginning to really irritate me. Now Tess was encouraging me to move on? While she went to the ladies' room I stayed to work on some more research. When she returned, she asked if she could make a private call, so I picked up my laptop and left to the sound of her apologizing. As I headed towards the shared office where my desk still was, I heard a commotion from the lobby. There was yelling then I heard the distinctive sounds of gunfire, and I dropped lower to orient myself and hide from the shooter. Bucky had shared with me many times how to survive a workplace shooting and I was surprised to find myself reacting exactly how he had advised. Since escape was impossible, as the lobby was the only exit to the elevators and stairwell, my next option was to hide. As I was right beside my shared office I ducked inside, closed and locked the door then turned off the light. Dropping my laptop on the nearest desk I went to the other side of it and pushed it towards the door, blocking it. Then I went to the next desk and found myself staring into the frightened eyes of Emily, one of our celebrity gossip writers. She was new, starting just a few days ago.

“You okay?” I whispered. She nodded, still terrified. “Stay there, don’t make a sound, no matter what.”

I hid under another desk, scrunched up underneath and pulled the chair in tight. We could hear the gunfire occasionally, then there was a bigger explosion and I wondered if it was a bomb. Someone pulled the fire alarm and for a moment I thought it was a decoy to pull us out of hiding. There was pounding on the door, then the sound of breaking glass, and I could hear the desk being moved.

“Sloan? Are you in here?” It was Devlin, sounding surprisingly calm. “It’s okay, the shooters are down. I pulled the fire alarm to bring the authorities, so we should be okay.”

I pushed the chair out of the way, then started to crawl out. Emily came out as well and that’s when I saw the gun in her hand, pointed at me. Devlin saw it also and if I hadn’t seen it for myself, I wouldn’t have believed it, but he vaulted over the desk that he pushed out of the way and kicked Emily in the shoulder knocking her down enough for her gun to go flying. In one smooth move he pulled a gun out of his waistband and held it to her head.

“Nope,” he said to her. “You’re done, Emily, or should I say, Amelia.” He looked at me. “She’s a contract killer, hired by Excalibur to take you out. This attempt at a random workplace shooting was all to provide a cover for her real target.”

“Me? I’m just the researcher for Tess Murray,” I explained.

“You’re more than that,” said Devlin, as he pulled handcuffs out of another pocket. “Cuff her, tight. I’ve already taken care of Murray.”

As he forced Emily onto her stomach and bring her hands behind her back, I did as he said, then a familiar face walked in, and I slumped back against the desk. Sam Wilson was in his full suit, and he pulled Emily up from the ground, handing her off to a man behind him in a plain tactical suit.

“What the hell is going on?” I was completely confused.

Devlin pressed a button on his neck, revealing his face to be electronically generated. When he peeled it off, I was looking at Clint Barton, retired Avenger. Now I wasn’t just confused, I was also a little angry.

“It’s been you this whole time?”

“Actually, no,” replied Clint. “I mean Devlin was watching you on behalf of SHIELD but when we got an upload of data from Bucky about a month ago that said an attempt might be made on your life and on Tess Murray, Fury decided to pull me in on the mission for extra surveillance. A few days ago, we had a new development and Devlin was put on another assignment so that I could take his place, considering he’s been hitting on you more than guarding you. I was watching both you and Tess Murray, but it became obvious that she wasn’t what she made herself out to be. Then when little Miss Sunshine was tailed to Murray’s penthouse last week, Red Wing picked up a very interesting conversation, about the hit going down today. They were going to make it look like a guy who was revealed to be a child predator in one of the Daily’s news stories come to take his revenge.” He smirked. “Their first plan was to make it look like Bucky killed you and Devlin in a fit of jealousy. Tess noticed he was always asking you out for drinks and thought it made the perfect cover story. It would also keep Bucky captive with Excalibur Security Group, her real employer. She was able to keep track of who got too close to the truth with that company.”

“Why me?” I asked, then another thought hit me. “Wait, Bucky sent you data?”

“Surprised me, too,” said Sam. “He’s been on a deep undercover assignment, so deep he had to burn all of his bridges convincing Excalibur that he was for sale. I only found out when they heard from Bucky again.” His face grew serious. “He called for extraction, but we haven’t been able to find him. So, we’re going to start with Tess Murray and Amelia VanderMas … Emily.”

That’s when I lost it for real, and both Sam and Clint came to me, offering comfort. As they led me out of the office, I grabbed my laptop. If Tess Murray was working for Excalibur Security Group it meant she was feeding me the names herself, burning the identities of those operatives. It was possible some of them weren’t with the group willingly. We just had to find out who. Since I had access to a lot of shared documents as her researcher, I had a place to start. I just hoped they could find Bucky before Excalibur Security Group realized he was undercover.

Bucky

I checked the restraints that held me in the cargo hold of the transport aircraft, figuring they were probably vibranium, designed to keep me confined. It had been a few rough days, that started with the discovery that one of the mercenaries hired as part of the larger contingent, was actually Jack Rollins, former member of SHIELD’s Strike team, and HYDRA operative. Going by the name Jake Roberts, and with a different face, courtesy of extensive plastic surgery, I still couldn’t believe he got the drop on me when he did.

I had just finished my last upload of data to the SHIELD cloud, sending them everything about the plan to invade Wakanda, including the bribe of specific border agents, and diplomats from other countries there on legitimate business. Then I activated my extraction code by speaking the phrase “I want to reclaim my past.” That should have signalled Fury to send in a team to the camp we were in, located in the mountains of the Limpopo Province of South Africa. At the time I was alone, or at least I thought I was, but when I turned around Roberts was there, an evil grin on his face. I hadn’t dealt much with him, but he was always watching me. Now, as he came towards me with a gun, I could smell his aftershave and it all came rushing back where I had smelled it before. Shaking my head, I readied myself to take him down, then he said a word, a single word, ledopad, Russian for icefall, and I couldn’t move a muscle.

“Well, well, well,” he grinned. “If it isn’t the Asset. Didn’t know about the freeze command, did you? Wish I had known before I found it deep in a HYDRA file, a little fail-safe that was programmed into you.” He stood in front of me and spat into my face. “That’s for all of my friends that you hurt when you would have one of your tantrums.”

I tried to work past the paralysis that had frozen me, but I couldn’t, until he grasped my jaw and whispered govorit’, Russian for speak. My jaw loosened, as his spittle dripped off my face.

“I thought you were in the Raft,” I muttered.

“I was, until a well-placed bribe got me out,” he answered. “My skills were appreciated by someone but with my face being known I had to change it. My first assignment was to find out where the others were, but so many were dead or incarcerated, so I was given other work to do, things that HYDRA trained me for. I was lent out to various organizations, a few assassinations here, some bombings there, and acquired a nice nest egg if I ever wanted to retire. But I didn’t because somehow, I knew I would be the one to reel you back in. When you and your bird friend took down the Flag Smashers, I saw an opportunity and helped set up the perfect trap.”

“What are you going to do with me?” I asked, although I had a pretty good idea.

“I’m going to take you to the next incarnation of HYDRA,” he answered. “Only this time, there won’t be anything left for that Wakandan bitch to fix. You’ll be the Winter Soldier forever and I’ll be your handler.” He leaned in real close, so that his mouth was at my ear. “I bet you remember how I liked it, right?”

If I could have killed him then I would have done it and slept easy for the rest of my life. Rollins always was a bastard, a sick one at that. He had taken advantage of me often, him and Rumlow teaming up against me more than once. The abuse I suffered at their hands took a long time to deal with. I wasn’t about to roll over and let him start up again, so I played along. The word he used to freeze me hadn’t been deactivated but now that he said it in my presence and I remembered it there were ways I could fight against it, ways that Shuri had made possible. It would just take time, some meditation and some luck to get to the point where I had control of that word.

The first thing Rollins did, after our little reunion was give me a tranquilizer, likely an overdose of ketamine which would knock me out long enough for him to carry me out. He did and when I came to in a helicopter in flight, I was restrained by vibranium cuffs on both my wrists and ankles. He looked over at me as we flew.

“My superiors were very pleased that I was able to take you down without damage,” he said. “The cuffs are courtesy of them. It took them a long time to accumulate that metal, but they knew the opportunity to get you away from the Avengers would come and once you were isolated it would be easy enough for one motivated man to capture you.”

I looked at him, wondering if the attack on Wakanda was all a ruse to get me away from the Avengers. He laughed. The man was ugly before and ugly still even with his new face. His laughing face was downright maniacal.

“You’re just seeing it now, aren’t you?” he asked. “Excalibur’s client was HYDRA. They do have plans to take Wakanda, but they’ll wait on them until you’re ready and prepared to obey orders without question. They knew that your reluctance to be an assassin meant you had acquired a conscience in the years you were free. You should have just lied to the Colonel. He knew from the start you were lying about being here for the money and when you destroyed my bug it was just confirmation that you were there under false pretences.”

He received a transmission on his headset and acknowledged it, telling the helicopter pilot to put it down at an airfield where a large transport aircraft was. A couple of burly men came out, one with a firearm and one with a tranquilizer gun. Before I could even try to take them on, I felt the sting of a needle in my neck again, no doubt from another ketamine shot.

Except, the body of a super soldier is a wondrous thing. When a sedative is injected that the body isn’t familiar with it allows the full effects to be felt by the subject. But it remembers that substance and the next time it’s injected the body metabolizes it, almost instantly. I acted like it worked, letting my head loll over to the side, and being a full dead weight as they hauled me out of there and onto the aircraft. During all that time I played a little mind game with myself, succeeding in neutralizing the effects of the Russian word ledopad. When I “awakened” this time, I was in the cargo hold of that aircraft, it was in the air, and I was under the watchful eye of Jack Rollins aka Jake Roberts, and the rest of my “team” all watching me, some with smirks on their faces. Shifting so that I leaned against the fuselage I looked at all of them in turn, remembering their weaknesses during training. They all had them, even Rollins, and now that I was in a confined space with them, I figured I would start taking advantage of those weaknesses, and the strengths of two of them in particular.

“So, where are we going now?” I asked, trying to sound confident. “Let me guess, Siberia. The lab where there is still a working memory processing machine since I destroyed the one in Washington. You do know the one in Siberia took damage when Cap and I took on Ironman there.” I registered some surprise in the eyes of the two I hoped still had a conscience. I focused on Ducharme, speaking to him in French. “Never took you to be a fascist, Henri. An opportunist because of your circumstances, yes, but Roberts here is HYDRA. You remember them. I’m pretty sure you were affected by a HYDRA attack on an office building where your brother was killed. I was in cold storage then. They kept me hidden unless they had a high-profile target. But for run of the mill terror stuff they had plenty of willing men to do their dirty work. Cogsworth, for example. If he hadn’t become a mercenary, killing, looting and raping for money, he would have wasted his life as a soccer hooligan. That’s where he was headed until he was recruited to help burn an orphanage in Rwanda.” Ducharme’s face grew dark, and he glanced at the Englishman Cogsworth, a waste of skin I didn’t want on the team as his only skill was being a bully. “I know you’re only in this because you made a mistake that got you kicked out of the military. Your wife, and your three kids have no idea that this is how you put food on the table. It’s a shame you weren’t given a second chance. I mean, I got one. Look how many people I killed but then I had people who believed I was still worth saving. I believe in you, Henri. It’s not too late.”

By the way Ducharme was breathing I could tell he was wavering. The guy did have a core of decency and I meant it that I believed he was worth saving. But he couldn’t do it alone, so I looked at the lone African on the team. Daniel Nwabi was an orphan, turned into a child soldier by some megalomaniac, then rescued by a group who tried to undo years of abuse, drug addiction, and programming inflicted on those kids, most of whom had no chance. I addressed him in Swahili.

“You’re going to help them enslave me, Daniel? Do you remember how helpless you were under the control of Red Jungle? They filled you with drugs, put a gun in your hand and pointed you towards innocent people, saying they were the reason you were a slave. What would Sister Mercy and Father Thierry think if they could see you now? They believed in you, believed you had a future. But you let your demons convince you otherwise. I know all about the demons, Daniel. 70 years of not being in control, killing who they told me to kill. They beat me, raped me, starved me and I still did what they wanted because I didn’t know any better until someone who cared convinced me there was still a good man inside. I’ve been trying my best since then and I’ve lived a good life. This mission was my way of paying back those who helped me, keeping them safe.”

“Shut up,” said Daniel. “You know nothing about me.”

“But I do. Excalibur keeps a full file on everyone. I’ve seen it all, know it all. They keep it so that you’re dependent on them, but I read it to understand why you were part of this. You’ve been paying back the families of your victims, making it possible for their children to go to school and learn a trade so they can take care of their own families. You stood up to an Excalibur unit to protect them and they gave you a choice to join or watch them die. It’s a noble thing, Daniel. But if you help Roberts take me back to the people who kept me their slave for 70 years, nothing will make up for that because they will unleash me on the world, and no one will be able to stop me. I don’t want that. I like living the life of a free man and I haven’t killed since I became one.”

When he looked sideways at Rollins, I knew I had Daniel on my side. Then I glanced at Henri Ducharme, and he nodded subtly at me. To make this work I had to have either my legs or my arms free. I looked at Rollins next.

“I have to take a piss,” I said.

“Go ahead,” he smirked.

I shrugged. “I just thought for old times' sake you might want a look at it,” I said, licking my lips suggestively. “Maybe even cop a feel. You can keep my hands restrained, just undo one of the ankle ones so I can walk to the head.”

There was a look of disgust on some of the other men’s faces, obviously a little homophobic, although the type of abuse that Rollins and Rumlow gave me was all about control, not sexual desire, but give a guy like that an opening and they’ll take it. I could see the wheels turning and he nodded, then leaned over and unlocked one of my ankle restraints. It was all I needed, and I kicked him in the chest, sending him flying into the fuselage. Henri and Daniel moved as well, taking out the men next to them, hitting them hard enough that they didn’t move after. While Daniel held the others with his gun, Henri unlocked the restraints. I went over to Rollins and picked him up by the collar.

He said ledopad, then his eyes grew wide when I didn’t respond like I did before. Before he could say another word, because there was always another word, I clamped my hand down over his mouth.

“You’re so limited,” I spat. “Where’s your cell phone?”

Even as he shook his head, I saw his eyes drift to his jacket pocket, so I hit him, knocked him out and reached inside for the phone. It needed a thumbprint and I put his thumb on the sensor to open it, then I dialled Fury, hoping the aircraft didn’t have a dampening field on it. When the call didn’t go through, I realized it did which meant I wasn’t being tracked. I looked at Henri and Daniel and made an executive decision.

“Immunity on everything associated with this mission,” I offered. “You tie them up, gag Roberts as well, help out at our destination, and I’ll make sure you receive a reward for helping.”

“Who do you work for?” asked Henri. “I mean you were kicked out of the Avengers.”

“Publicly, with great fanfare,” I smiled. “It was set up that way. I’m still an Avenger. No offence but mercenary isn’t a good career move, especially for men with a conscience. Do we have a deal?”

They looked at each other and nodded. I offered my hand to both of them, shaking on it. Then I grabbed a handgun and went to the cockpit. Aiming a gun at the head of the pilot I coughed. The co-pilot looked back at me, startled.

“If you shoot him, I can’t control the aircraft by myself,” he declared.

I looked over the cockpit and smirked. “Sure, you can,” I said. “I could fly this bucket of bolts. Turn off the dampening field.” They looked at each other and I pressed the gun further into the pilot’s head. “Now.”

The pilot nodded and the co-pilot flicked the switch. I dialled Fury again and this time he picked up on the first ring.

“Where the hell are you?” he asked. “Never mind, we’ve just picked up your signal. You’re flying over restricted airspace, Iran. Where’s your destination?”

I pressed the gun into the pilot’s head again. “Belarus,” he said. “A base in Belarus.”

“You heard that?” I asked. “Wakanda was a decoy although they intended on going back after they turned me back into the Soldier. I have an old friend in back … Rollins.”

“I thought he was in the Raft,” replied Fury, and I could imagine him getting someone right on that inquiry.

“A significant bribe was paid to get him out,” I told him. ��Underwent plastic surgery but the asshole still wore the same aftershave. It’s HYDRA, they’re Excalibur’s client. Colonel William Moorehouse was in command of the force, so he’s likely been HYDRA’s boy for a while. How do you want to play this, Fury? I have two friendlies with me that I promised immunity and a reward to.”

“To the end,” he said, not reacting to my announcement of the two friendlies. “I’ll activate the rest of the Avengers and we’ll portal into your destination. They made an attempt on Sloan but she’s okay. Sam and Clint know the truth as I read them in. I’ll read the rest in, and we’ll track you. Keep the signal going and good work, Barnes.”

I felt a presence behind me and turned slightly, without letting my eyes off of the pilots, as I placed the phone in my pocket.

“They’re all tied up back there,” said Henri. “What’s next?”

“Keep an eye on these two until I get back,” I said. “Don’t let them flip that switch and don’t let them call for help. I really do have to go to the bathroom. We’re going to Belarus and we’re taking on a base there. You and Daniel are with me, but we’ll have to get you something distinctive to wear, so the Avengers don’t shoot you as hostile.” I turned to let Henri take my place then I stopped. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you for reminding me why I resisted being a mercenary for so long,” he said. “I was desperate but not for this.”

“Well, SHIELD is always looking for a few good men,” I answered, sincere.

He grinned and I left him to guard the pilots while I relieved myself. On the way out I saw a couple of safety vests. They were different enough that my two new friends wouldn’t be mistaken for the Excalibur or HYDRA soldiers. We just had to find out what was at this base in Belarus before I could officially believe this mission was over. Then I had another job to do. I had to make up with my friends and with Sloan, and hope that I could make it right with them.

Part 4

Short Fiction Masterlist

Series Masterlist

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #buckybarnes original female character #sam wilson #clint barton #hydra #jack rollins #past trauma #buckybarnesshortfic #bucky barnes short fiction

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aedarisfarm · 1 year ago

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Farmer Braindump

Featuring Farmer Kali!

Pre-Valley

She/Her pronouns.

Aroace and very, very sex-repulsed

Inherited Aedaris Farm from her grandfather (William Delmuth) and godfather (Kenny Oloren)

Lived with her older brother Quinn before he got a job at a hospital in Zuzu City

Started college with the intentions of also becoming a doctor. Had to take a gap year because of stress, then tried college again.

Met Sour Patch in a biology class and Sour Patch tried to help her with stress management/tutoring but Kali eventually just dropped out because it was too overwhelming

Moved in with Aster when she started college, and invited Sour Patch to live with them (with Aster's agreement of course) partway through college.

Aster got her a job at Joja during the gap year, but Kali moved around departments pretty frequently for about another two years before she had a more stable place in the company.

Her parents are both dead - her father from heart complications and her mother from grief not long after.

Has always been quiet, but likes making friends and talking with others.

Valley-Life

Is a social butterfly and while Sour Patch needed no encouragement to socialize, was the one to drag Aster off the farm to meet at least a few people

Gravitates to and adjusts quicker to the more magical or strange aspects of the valley

Befriends Rasmodius very quickly and is determined to get him to teach her more magic

Makes friends with Harvey and Maru only because in the beginning if her stay at the valley she had to visit the clinic many, many times. And because she visits the Saloon to socialize a lot, she befriends Gus and Emily pretty quickly too - though tends to avoid Shane and Pam.

Is really only friends with Elliott because of Aster - she'd still be cool with him, but it'd be more of an acquaintance if Aster wasn't interested in him

Linus and Krobus are her best friends.

Kinda befriending Dwarf.

Not a fan of Clint or Lewis - Clint gives her the creeps and resurfaces way too many memories of "nice guys" not accepting no as an answer. Aftermath Emily's clothing therapy really cemented her dislike of him.

She found Lewis' gold statue of himself. She has run into him multiple times collecting taxes that don't seem to go towards the community. She was not happy.

His treatment of Marnie really only added salt to the wound that was her distaste.

Ends up asking Krobus to move in with her - but does not tell Aster or Sour Patch. No, she doesn't know how that happened - especially with Sour Patch's curiosity.

Honestly Kali thought they knew and didn't think it had to be said. She learns that Sour Patch only met Krobus a few times and Aster had never met him.

Loves combat and mining! Often she has to be dragged out of the caves because she passes out in there or she's just having too much fun exploring.

If she's not in the mines, she's hanging around the Adventurer's Guild

Accidentally makes it the base for anything related to the "Break up Marnie and Lewis" agenda after discovering Marlon has a crush on Marnie

LOVES the slime hutch and slime breeding. She names every slime.

Feeds into Sour Patch's hoarding tendencies by collecting weapons. But it's fine - she has fun showing off the collection and refusing to elaborate which ones she's used when

Marlon doesn't understand why she doesn't sell any of them but eventually just accepts it.

Once she gets the geode crusher, never visits Clint again. Sour Patch gets her tools upgraded for her.

Her favorite hat is the skeleton mask

She met Leo for the first time with it on and she scared him. She still feels terrible about it and gives him ALL the duck feathers as an apology

#stardew valley #sdv #sdv oc #sdv farmer oc #sdv farmer #farmer kali #aedaris farm #stardew valley farmer #stardew farmer

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00katrinka00 · 5 months ago

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Landcaster Legacy Gen 7 Update #69

Dear Diary, Lacy and I are back in Copperdale for Grandpa Matthew's funeral. I know he was old, but his death still doesn't feel real. I keep thinking he's about to waltz through the front door and start passing out candies like he always did. I hope he's happy in the forever save at least. -Violet

"Ethan, I really don't think I can do this today" Mads admitted. "I mean why did Ike ask me to give the eulogy?" "You were the gen 6 heir," Ethan reminded her Mads rested her head on his shoulder and let out a sob "This is all just so hard without my Dad" "I know, but we'll get through it, together"

"I know it's going to be hard, but I couldn't think of anyone else to give Matthew's eulogy," Ethan pulled Mads in for a hug. "We'll all be there for you, okay?" "Okay." "Now, we have to get the twins ready. You get Sophie, I'll get Alex?" "Sure."

"Mama, why sad?" Sophie inquired. "I just miss Grandpa Matthew is all," Mads told her. "Cause I no like when you sad. I like happy mama," an idea popped into Sophie's head. "I give you hug so you no be sad." "Aw, thank you sweetheart." "Happy now?" "Definitely."

Meanwhile, Ethan sat down with Alex. "Okay, bud, here's the deal. This is going to be a hard day for Mom, so I'm going to ask you to be on your best behavior. No making messes today, okay?" "I like messes." "I know, but it'll help Mom out if you don't make any, okay?" "Otay, fine," Alex grumbled.

"Lacy, what's the forever save like?" Violet asked. "You can party all day and never grow old or get hungry. Never have to worry about dying, ever again." "Really?" "I mean I think, I never actually made it that far. I got stuck as a ghost before a certain someone decided to resurrect me."

"You're no help with the comfort thing," Violet sighed. "I'm sorry, I've never had to deal with a big familial death like this before" "You parents?" "We weren't ever close, so it wasn't a big deal when they passed. If it makes you feel better, I'm sure Matthew is with his wife, Emily" "Elena." "OK"

Later, Ethan found Violet sitting alone in the living room. "How's everything going?" he asked. "Dad, really?" "Fine, let's talk about something else. Have you made it big in Del Sol Valley yet?" "No, I mean I've been performing at an open mic night every week for the last few months but that's it."

After everyone took their seats in the funeral hall, Mads began her eulogy. "I want to begin by thanking everyone for coming to help celebrate my father's life. He truly was such an amazing sim," Mads' voice cracked as she wiped tears from her face. "He was an excellent father and grandfather."

"I've learned so much from him over the years, and I wish I'd told him more often how big of the impact he made in my life. I can at least say I'll be at peace knowing that after all these years, he can finally be reunited with my mother who he's been waiting for a very long time to see once more."

"Mom, you did a nice job with that eulogy." "Thank you, sweetheart." "I just feel bad now." "What for?" "I wish I'd gotten to spend more time with Grandpa Matthew before he passed," Violet admitted. "I wish I'd been able to tell him how much I loved him." "Trust me, sweetheart, he knows."

Meanwhile, in the forever save, Elena and Jay found themselves on the beach needing a small reprieve from Madeline and Garrett's incessant bickering inside the house.

Ever since Jay had crossed over, he and Elena had become fast friends since they were the only two without their partners.

"I just don't understand why Isla never crossed over with me," Jay was saying. "We died at the same time." "Maybe she had some unfinished business. I've heard that's sometimes why sims get stuck in the main save," Elena explained "Then she needs to hurry up and finish that business so I can see her"

"I'm sure Isla will arrive soon," Elena encouraged Jay. As much as she missed Matthew, she knew that the longer it took for his arrival, the more life he'd gotten to live. Elena was taken from their family too soon, and she never wanted the same fate for Matthew. She'd wait however long it took.

"I've always wondered why Madeline and Garrett continue to put up with one another if they hate each other so much," Elena wondered out loud "Misery loves company, or so I've heard." "This is an awfully long time to me miserable though." Footsteps crunched in the sand behind where Jay and Elena sat.

Elena and Jay suddenly turned around to find both Isla and Matthew approaching. With a shout of happiness, they both leapt to their feet and rushed in for a long-awaited embrace.

#thesims4 #thesims4gameplay #thesims4community #thesims #thesimscommunity #landcasterlegacy #the sims 4 #the sims community #the sims gameplay #the sims

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walker-extended-universe · 6 months ago

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Emily Walker: How One Woman's Death Kickstarted the Downfall of the Travis County Legal System, Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Relationship(s): Larry James & Cordell Walker

Tags/Warnings: True Crime, Crossing Boundaries, Uncomfortable Conversations, Confrontation

Summary: Delilah talks to Captain Larry James

Written for @angstober Day 29: Get Out

Taglist: @theladywyn, @ihavepointysticks, @neptunium134, @itsjessiegirl1, @klaatu51

--------------------

“Is it okay if I record this?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“I think we both know I can’t force you to talk about this, Captain.” Delilah Carmen smiled at him from across the desk and set her audio recorder between them. Her finger hesitated over the On switch. “I have to say I’m a little surprised you agreed to meet with me. I don’t normally get interviews with people in your position.”

“Well, I do have a lot of work on my hands but-”

“That’s not what I was referring to, Captain.” Her smile sharpened and her eyes narrowed. “I was referring to how you were part of why this case got all bungled in the beginning. Most members of law enforcement aren’t so willing to own up to their mistakes.”

“I’m really not sure what you’re talking about.”

“Humor me.” The recorder turned on with a definitive click.

DELILAH: Please state your name for the record.

JAMES: Larry James.

DELILAH: Thank you. Can you tell me a little about your relationship with Ranger Cordell Walker?

JAMES: We were partners for over a decade and now he’s one of my best rangers. We’re also very close in our personal lives and I often attend his family events.

DELILAH: I take it you were very close with Emily as well?

JAMES: She was one of my closest friends outside the office. She was one of the few people outside my family that I trusted with my child’s safety.

DELILAH: Her death must have hit you hard.

JAMES: It was difficult for all of us.

DELILAH: Is that why you didn’t do your due diligence in the investigation at the time? Because you were so bogged down with grief and you just wanted to get it over with?

JAMES: I’m not sure what you mean.

DELILAH: Well, isn’t that how we ended up here? The team investigating Emily’s death didn’t do their due diligence in checking Carlos Mendoza’s story, which is how the wrong man ended up in prison for almost a year while the real killer made his way to the top of the DPS. And you were in charge of that team. Can you explain how that happened?

JAMES: It’s not that simple. Yes, the investigation was rushed but there was a lot of pressure from above to move the investigation along as quickly as possible.

DELILAH: And that didn’t strike you as odd? Wouldn’t they want the best in an investigation surrounding one of their best rangers?

JAMES: Not really. The brass always want answers as quickly as possible, regardless of the actual process of investigation. It actually gets worse when a ranger is involved; they just want answers even faster.

DELILAH: I see. So is it normal to cut corners in an investigation?

JAMES: Well no, that’s not what I meant. It’s just not as simple as doing what you might call a proper investigation. I think people vastly underestimate how much bureaucracy exists in the system, especially at a level above base police work.

DELILAH: I see. So is that bureaucracy why you didn’t support your partner’s concerns about the case?

JAMES: I’m not sure what you mean.

DELILAH: Cordell Walker had suspicions about Carlos Mednoza’s confessions from the beginning and everyone else, including you, ignored him. Is it because of that bureaucracy, that pressure to bring answers regardless of the procedure, that you failed your friend.

JAMES: I didn’t listen to his suspicions because, at the time, we had no other suspects and no reason to believe Mendoza was lying. I was worried about him and I thought he was chasing ghosts and looking for answers that weren’t there. That’s why I encouraged him to take some time off and be with his family, especially his children.

DELILAH: I see. And it was pure coincidence that you were promoted to captain during his absence?

JAMES: …. What do you mean by that?

DELILAH: I just think it’s curious that you followed all the rules and got a promotion while your supposed best friend was sent on a downward spiral without support.

JAMES: I don’t appreciate what you’re insinuating.

DELILAH: You don’t have to. I’m just asking a question.

JAMES: No, you’re making an assumption and trying to put me in an awkward position.

DELILAH: Then can you give me a better answer as to why you didn’t bother to look into Carlos Mendoza’s history and see that he was in the hospital at the time Emily was murdered?

JAMES: That’s- We- I’m not the one that made that decision. And we didn’t have the time to wait for a warrant anyway.

DELILAH: So it’s all your boss’ fault then?

JAMES: That’s not what I said. You think I don’t feel awful about what happened? Cordell is my friend and Emily was a blessing to all of us. I hate that we didn’t do the investigation right. I hate that an innocent man sat in prison for a year. I hate that the Walker family had to go through all of this. I wish I could’ve done things differently. But I can’t change what happened. And you have no right to come in here and accuse me of hurting my best friend for my own professional gain.

DELILAH: I said no such thing.

JAMES: You know exactly what you said.

DELILAH: Can we get back to the topic at hand?

JAMES: You mean your attempt to slander me? I don’t think so.

DELILAH: I really don’t know what-

JAMES: This interview is over. You need to leave.

DELILAH: But-

JAMES: Get out. Now.

Delilah smirked and shut off her recorder. “Thank you for your time, Captain. Have a nice day.” She quickly stood up and left the office. James watched her go, then sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He couldn’t wait to see how that came out in her book.

#angstober #day 29 #get out #walker #my writing #my fic #updated fic

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thefirst3chapters · 8 months ago

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The scene with Rory and Logan at the beginning of "Gilmore Girls Only" stood out in a recent Season 7 rewatch.

Logan has been reeling from his failed business deal for a while at this point. In the previous episode, he missed Lane and Zack's baby shower to go to Vegas with the LBD on a whim. Rory is concerned about how he is handling the situation and is visibly agitated, but she doesn't press the issue. Then Mitchum arrives and demands that Logan show up at work so they can figure out to handle the financial loss. After this, Rory says "far be it from me to agree with your father, but you have been kind of irresponsible" and essentially takes Mitchum's side. Logan's response is, "I expected a little support here," and Rory's iconic line follows: "Logan, I love you, but I'm not going to support every stupid thing that you do." Rory makes it clear that she isn't upset with Logan because he failed, she's upset because of how he's reacted to that failure.

The writing doesn't bring up this parallel directly, but it's all an interesting callback to late S5/early S6 when Rory experienced a setback and distracted herself with a major destructive choice (stealing the boat) and socializing with Logan and his friends while avoiding her disapproving parent. It seems like Logan views support in a relationship as standing by the other person and not pressuring them to take action. He embodied this way of thinking when Rory wasn't in school and seems to want Rory to do the same thing when he's had a setback, but they both end up remaining stuck until someone confronts them more directly.

When Rory voices her disapproval, she does so because she cares about Logan and wants to see him doing better, but Logan perceives it as disloyalty. Rory's actions here mirror Jess's "Why did you drop out of Yale?" in S6 (which in turn, as many have pointed out, mirrors Rory's "You are way stronger than that, and I don't even want to hear it" in S2). In S2, Rory didn't know all the details about Jess's childhood that likely set him up to have a cynical outlook about his potential, and in S6, Jess didn't have the whole story about why Rory left Yale and why she was struggling. However, that missing information did not stop either Rory or Jess from unabashedly telling the other person that they could achieve more anyway, and they both act on this encouragement, in the long run in Jess's case and almost immediately in Rory's case.

Rory has interactions like this with other people, too. In "A Tale of Poes and Fire," Rory visits Paris in the midst of her crisis over not getting into Harvard (and after Paris humiliated Rory on live television, no less). After a few minutes of being quietly supportive, Rory assertively tells Paris, "you, my friend, need a life plan, so here it is," and gives her practical directions for moving forward. This isn't so much inspiration (like what Rory and Jess do for each other) as it is a command, and in the next episode, Paris is back to her ultra-organized and authoritative self. Rory matches the way Paris communicates with others, and it ends up being an effective strategy for supporting her. (Paris, however, sticks with her own communication style when Rory doesn't want to go back to school, and it isn't convincing for her.) Then there's all the times Rory has been the voice of reason with Lorelai.

There's a lot of talk about Logan's character development in Season 7, and he is shown as a loyal and supportive partner on multiple occasions, but his core character flaw of trying to escape reality through amusement and adventure (and getting defensive when someone points this out) is also featured. Rory is pretty ambivalent about their relationship when she's in the car with Lorelai and Emily in this episode, and she later tells him when he flies to Mia's wedding that his grand gestures aren't going to make her forget their problems anymore.

So are Rory's actions here effective? Logan reflects on why he reacted to losing the investments the way he did and decides to quit his father's business, and he spends the next few episodes eager to strike out on his own, but we really don't know how he's going to handle his next disappointments. Rory also faces some disappointment at the end of Season 7 after she turns down a job offer to take a risk on the New York Times fellowship (with Logan's encouragement) and isn't accepted, but after a little bit of wallowing she bounces right back. There's at least hope under the Season 7 pen that Logan can grow past his old patterns until AYITL shows him once again embracing escapism while ultimately intending to stick with "the dynastic plan."

#gilmore girls #rory gilmore #literati #anti logan huntzberger #(for filtering purposes)#but hopefully this is fair to him!

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fearsome-series · 2 years ago

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“...there’s bad vibes in here. Bad energy,” Summer said, holding the egg. “We’ve gotta clear it up.”

“You’re sure this is a real ritual?” Asked Amina, Summer’s sister, once her fraternal twin and now her twin twin.

“It’s in my book. You put the bad energies into the egg and smash it.”

“Where did you find the egg? Our parents are vegan.”

“I borrowed it from the kids next door.”

“Don’t we typically burn sage for this type of cleansing?”

Summer rolled her eyes. “Burning sage is, like, racist or something? I don’t know! But the book says to use an egg.”

“There are non-appropriative alternatives to sage, Sum.”

Summer grunted again. “But we don’t have any of those, and we’ve got bad vibes we need to clear out.”

“This ritual isn’t from a spellbook you stole from Barnes and Noble, is it?”

Summer eyed 1001 Real Magick Spells: Love, Money, Power, a lavender tome, on her bedside table. “No. Yes.”

“This ritual isn’t approved by our coven…”

“Our coven is boring. They’re, like, a religion. Witch church. This is the real shit.” She rubbed something over the egg. “Do you think the bad energies are in the egg?” Amina shrugged. “Well, then it’s time to banish -” Summer tried to dramatically raise the egg for some book-mandated chants, but it tumbled out of her palm instead and cracked on the floor. “GODDAMNIT!” She kicked the air.

“You made the bad energies wet,” Amina said simply. Summer just groaned and stormed out the door, tracking yolk in her wake.

***

Manuel was easy to get onboard, which meant Laura was easy to get onboard; Emily found him in programming class, and asked him “you know about ghosts, right?” Emily knew that he had hunted a ghost with Laura, since they wouldn’t shut up about it, but Emily didn’t believe Laura - though, and she couldn’t begin to explain how this worked, she did believe Manuel?

Manuel eagerly agreed, to help keep things safe, of course, and Manuel promised to tell Laura, so that was two.

Summer was also easy, which meant Claire was easy. Emily cornered Summer at lunch, and though she had a backup plan in mind (“you’re the reason I’m a werewolf, you better help, etc etc”) Summer leapt at the chance to do “witch shit”. Claire did not, but she leapt at the chance to go with Summer, and so that was four.

Alice…

Hmm. Alice.

She needed to make her move before or after band, but Alice was first of all distracted by Maddie. Maddie was as tall as Alice, with bowl cut light brown hair and freckles; she wore an olive hoodie and jeans. Alice was, as always, in her red jacket. Alice had finally begun talking to Maddie, after much encouragement from Emily, though Emily knew why Alice was flustered by Maddie and Alice…Alice didn’t know, or chose not to know. She waited for her chance…

“You’re Alice…?” Maddie said.

“Yep, I’m Alice. Maddie?”

“Maddie.”

“Alice.”

“Yeah.”

“Yep.”

“You’re new here?”

“Yeah, we just moved up from Gates County.”

“Gates County? I’m from Centralia.”

“Gwinnett.”

“Wow.”

“Wow…” Maddie fumbled for something in her bag, and the two of them left their ‘talking’ phase. That was Emily’s window.

She came over, still thinking over her strategy. Wait, Alice would be too flustered around Maddie; Emily waved her over instead, and Alice squinted and came over - halfway there, she swiveled around and waved to Maddie, who was still looking through her bag, so Alice walked backwards a few steps before turning to face Emily. “Em?”

“There’s a pack event tonight. We’re going to a haunted house and…trying to…exorcize the spirits…with…prayer?”

“The pack.”

“Yes, not like there’s any other way to exorcize the spirits. Definitely not anything…occult-y going on here.”

“Where’s the house?”

“A couple blocks from my house. We’re holding the exorcism at 6, maybe 6:30 if anyone’s running late.”

“Alright…”

“You can confirm for the exorcism on Discord, it’s in the events.”

“Alright…”

***

Dr. Valley - her first name was Jacqueline, and she went by Jack - was an older woman with sandy hair, a worn face, and a long, white jacket. According to Sjöberg, she was a doctor on the surface - namely, part of the campus’ medical staff. She had an “office” down here, but it was just a bed and a table of equipment set apart from a stone chamber by carpeted room dividers, which she presided over the couple days a week she was usually in. Today, that was an exam.

“This teeth situation, it’s normal?” She grunted.

“All my life,” Eliza replied.

Valley let down the magnifying glass. “You don’t exactly have a good medical history.”

“I was born, I went into stasis for a bit, I woke up.”

“Short and sweet. Next.”

Eliza stepped outside the “office”, where only Melissa waited in line.

“Hi,” Eliza said.

“Hi,” Melissa stepped inside, but backtracked right out. “What’d she say to you? Getting enough blood?”

“The ghost didn’t hurt me. Thanks for asking.”

“Right, the ghost you and Laura saw. How’s Laura doing?”

“What do you care about Laura?”

“I don’t,” Melissa said, stepping into the doctor’s office.

Returning to her room, Eliza found Malphas perched on her desk; Malphas told her Sjöberg wanted to speak to her, so Eliza went right back out and walked over to Sjöberg’s office.

“Miss Ortega has contacted us to ask if you would like to accompany her to a case tonight,” Sjöberg said. “Some manner of seance.”

“I’ll go help Wolfgirl. Me and Malphas will -”

“I would prefer if Malphas remained here, due to his current awkward condition. If you are to go, you must retrieve the pendant from Lensa, and you must find someone to accompany you. A member of staff.” Sjöberg said the last part more insistently.

Eliza agreed, and she found Lensa. Her pendant was off, and the goatwoman with daisies strung around her horns was leaning down by a cage in the zoo, trying to untangle a hoop snake.

“Hey, Goatdoc,” Eliza waved. “Can I have your pendant for the night…?”

Lensa nodded gently, and fed the disconnected hoop snake an Almond Joy bar - with the wrapper still on - before reaching into her vest’s stitched-on pockets and pulling out the pendant.

“Thanks,” Eliza said. “Are you busy tonight? I need someone to go with me, someone from staff…”

“There is only one pendant,” the goatperson said. “I believe everyone else is busy. Besides…”

Jainaba walked in from the other side of the cage. “What did I just get drafted into?”

***

Emily arranged her gear: the Ouija board, for one. The rest…was her phone. She didn’t have a “spirit box”, so she downloaded an app for it…she couldn’t borrow her family’s digital camera, so she was going to use her phone…

There wasn’t an app for how to explain what she wanted to happen, though. How she didn’t really care about the creepy house. How she hoped she could contact…

Sigh.

Emily zipped up her hoodie - it was thick, since it was a chilly mid-September night - and stepped outside, gear in her backpack. She walked over to the house: looked over its two stories, its dark windows, the peeling paint on its porch and the stones neatly placed all around its edges.

She stood alone on the street, and she waited.

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