#but does that lead to more awkwardness or weirdness between them? no

[theborgqueen2]

This is slowly turning into a "every jc moment ever" thing and I have no regrets.

[maelancoli]

Writing Intimacy

i often see writers sharing a sentiment of struggling with writing kiss scenes which honestly bleeds into other portrayals of physical intimacy. i see it a lot in modernized styles of writing popularized by the recent trend in publishing to encourage short, choppy sentences and few adverbs, even less descriptive language. this makes intimacy come across awkward, like someone writing a script or clumsy recounting of events rather than a beautiful paragraph of human connection.

or just plane horniness. but hey, horny doesn't have to be mutually exclusive with poetic or sensual.

shallow example: they kissed desperately, tongues swirling and she moaned. it made her feel warm inside.

in depth example: she reached for the other woman slowly and with a small measure of uncertainty. the moment her fingers brushed the sharp, soft jaw of her companion, eliza's hesitance slid away. the first kiss was gentle when she finally closed the distance between them. she pressed her lips lightly to gabriella's in silent exploration. a tender question. gabriella answered by meeting her kiss with a firmer one of her own. eliza felt the woman's fingers curling into her umber hair, fingernails scraping along her scalp. everything inside eliza relaxed and the nervousness uncoiled from her gut. a warm buzz of energy sunk through her flesh down to the very core of her soul. this was right. this was always where she needed to be.

the first complaint i see regards discomfort in writing a kiss, feeling like one is intruding on the characters. the only way to get around this is to practice. anything that makes you uncomfortable in writing is something you should explore. writing is at its best when we are pushing the envelope of our own comfort zones. if it feels cringy, if it feels too intimate, too weird, too intrusive, good. do it anyway! try different styles, practice it, think about which parts of it make you balk the most and then explore that, dissect it and dive into getting comfortable with the portrayal of human connection.

of course the biggest part comes to not knowing what to say other than "they kissed" or, of course, the tried and true "their lips crashed and their tongues battled for dominance" 😐. so this is my best advice: think beyond the mouth. okay, we know their mouths are mashing. but what are their hands doing? are they touching one another's hair? are they scratching or gripping desperately at one another? are they gliding their hands along each other's body or are they wrapping their arms tightly to hold each other close? do they sigh? do they groan? do they relax? do they tense? are they comfortable with each other or giddy and uncertain? is it a relief, or is it bringing more questions? is it building tension or finally breaking it?

get descriptive with the emotions. how is it making the main character/pov holder feel? how are they carrying those emotions in their body? how do they feel the desire in their body? desire is not just felt below the belt. it's in the gut, it's in the chest, it's in the flushing of cheeks, the chills beneath the skin, the goosebumps over the surface of the flesh. everyone has different pleasure zones. a kiss might not always lead desire for overtly sexual touches. a kiss might lead to the desire for an embrace. a kiss might lead to the impulse to bite or lick at other areas. a kiss could awaken desire to be caressed or caress the neck, the shoulder, the back, the arms etc. describe that desire, show those impulses of pleasure and affection.

of course there is the tactile. what does the love interest taste like? what do they smell like? how do they kiss? rough and greedy? slow and sensual? explorative and hesitant? expertly or clumsily? how does it feel to be kissed by them? how does it feel to kiss them?

i.e. examine who these individuals are, what their motives and feelings are within that moment, who they are together, what it looks like when these two individuals come together. a kiss is not about the mouth. it's about opening the door to vulnerability and desire in one's entire body and soul.

[bbydoll18xx]

Pet Names And Airplanes (Part 2)

The aftermath of the airplane ride leaves Paige moaning once more.

Paige Bueckers x reader

Part 2 based on this request: I have a request but it's not fully thought out but all the traveling she's been doing has got me thinking. Basically Paige x friend where there's some tension emotionally and physically but neither of them know it rlly. Paige is groggy bc they had to catch an early flight to go somewhere and while sitting next to each other on the plane, her mind starts wandering and she accidentally says smthg dirty out loud to the reader which obviously leads to a build of tension on their flight that they end up having to deal with. How they deal w it and such can be up to you.

Read Part 1 here :)

Themes: bottom!Paige, SMUT, but also some fluffiness

Word Count: 2.7k

To whoever requested bottom Paige, I hope this is acceptable lol

-------------------------------------------------------

How the hell did you get here?

Your heart is beating furiously, and your head feels fuzzy. You are pulled away from the grounding grips of reality as Paige continues to lick into your mouth with a delicious fervor. It was all-consuming, and you think that you would surrender everything in order to keep Paige’s mouth on yours.

Her lips ghost across yours once more before trailing down to attach to the delicate flesh of your throat. Quiet whines are spilling from your lips, as she alternates between hot, open mouth kisses and sucking, soothing the marks with her tongue. You anticipate the trail of tattoo kisses that would soon adorn your neck, leaving you with undeniable proof of Paige’s affections.

Her hands are wandering now, and your eyes flutter shut at the pure absurdity of the situation. Paige is kissing you. And neither of you were dreaming this time.

Paige’s hands fist at the oversized shirt you had been sleeping in, and her lips find yours once more. As her warm hands find their way onto the soft skin of your abdomen, your phone rings, cutting through the room harshly. Your eyes fly open, meeting Paige’s, and she hesitantly pulls away from you, allowing you to grab your phone that was resting on the nightstand. 

“Fuck, it’s Nika,” you whisper, trying to fix your hair and lopsided shirt. Paige does the same, and she fixes the wrinkled bed sheets quickly.

Sliding the screen to open the FaceTime, you wave to a smiling Nika. 

“Hi guys!” Nika practically yells over the phone. “I can’t wait to see you tonight! How was the flight here?”

Looking at Paige, who turns a delicate shade of pink at the mention of the airplane ride, she mumbles, “The plane was aight. Mostly just slept. Can’t wait to see you, too.”

You nod your head in agreement, avoiding meeting Paige’s gaze on the screen of your phone. The three of you chat a few more minutes, cementing your plans for later in the evening once Nika was out of practice. She soon hung up, leaving you and Paige to stare at each other once more. 

You desperately try to avoid glancing down at her lips, but it was nearly impossible. Her tongue darts out to run across her bottom lip, slightly swollen from the kiss. The action unwittingly causes you to catch your own bottom lip between your teeth, biting down in an attempt to subdue your skepticism. 

“We should definitely do that again,” Paige declares, and your heart nearly stops at her words. You were expecting things to be awkward, worried that your friendship would dissolve into a weird dynamic. 

You laugh, and a pink blush blooms across your cheeks at the boldness of your best friend. A wave of relief washes over your senses, and your rapid pulse slows at the realization that things would be okay between you two. Maybe even better than okay.

“I agree,” you whisper, trying to hide the huge grin that was threatening to give away your casual act. “But let's go sightseeing first.”

Paige, who typically was eager to go out exploring, sighed dramatically before acquiescing as you flashed puppy dog eyes and a not-so subtle pout in her direction. 

She was so whipped.

The two of you spend the afternoon in downtown Seattle. The weather was surprisingly sunny, and as you strolled down the street with an ice cream cone, the sheer domesticity of the day hits you like a fucking truck.

Paige has her free hand in yours, the other holding her own ice cream. You glance up at her, and try to hold back a giggle as her tongue chases a stray drop that is sliding down the cone onto her wrist. It was getting harder to ignore the feelings you had for her, and it threatened to overtake you until you were a withering mess of nothingness. 

You are pulled out of your head, as Paige squeezes your hand. As you look up at her once more, the fond smile adorning her beautiful face makes you realize that you were not necessarily alone in your affections. And it was so comforting. 

~

You and Paige walk through the door of your hotel room, and as it shuts, apprehension fills you up once again. You were alone with Paige. And the idea of kissing her again was fucking with your mind.

You kick off your shoes and sit on the edge of the bed, looking up at Paige to see where her head was at. You’re greeted with bright blue eyes and that ridiculous tongue of hers peeking out of her mouth seductively. It was positively sinful, and it gave you the courage to grab her hand and pull her between your parted legs. She leans down to kiss you slowly. While her earlier kisses had been full of want and lust, this one was pure passion. It was a promise, and as you kiss her back, you let all the unspoken words fall from your mouth into hers. 

Your hands roam to find her waist, and your touch causes Paige to speed up the kiss. Longingness fuels her, and soon enough, your lips are meeting hers with an unbridled urgency that you had never experienced before. Falling backwards onto the bed, Paige’s lips pull away from yours to attach to your neck once more, and through the haziness of your thoughts, you think that maybe she has a certain fascination with it. She trails messy kisses down your throat and adds a few small marks below your ear to the ever growing collection. The thought of them fading away causes a pang in your chest, but somehow you just know that Paige will no longer let you go without the purple marks embellishing your skin. 

Paige pulls away from your neck, making you pout at the loss of contact, and she meets your eyes with a smug smirk. She just knows the effect she has over you. Your panties are fucking soaked, and your pupils are blown wide with lust.

You don’t forget, though, how she was moaning out for you in her sleep this morning. And the thought of this pulls out an equally smug look from you. It was your turn to be in control, and you were going to turn Paige into a whimpering mess. 

You sit up in the bed, and Paige moves with you, a surprised look flitting across her face. Now you both are sitting straight up, legs still entangled and eyes connected in a wordless conversation. 

You make the first move.

Your hand reaches out to cup Paige’s cheek, reconnecting your lips in another bruising kiss. She lets out a groan at the contact, relishing in you taking control. You wish you could spend the rest of your life hearing her little noises on repeat. 

Pushing Paige back once more against the soft pillows of the hotel bed, you position yourself on top of her. Your right knee comes to rest in between her parted legs, and as you press it against the sopping heat of her core, she moans out your name. 

“Fuck, P, you like that?” You purr, secretly exhilarated at her pure, unadulterated neediness. She nods at your question, eyes shut in pleasure as you find a spot right under her ear to suck and bite at. She wasn’t going to get away with silence, and you reach up to loosely wrap a hand around her throat. “Use your words, baby,” you murmur, pressing several small kisses up and down her neck as she gives in.

“Need you, princess,” Paige whines. The words are so unfamiliar to the confident Paige you knew and loved, but the stark want in her voice had you nearly drooling with lust. 

You were going to make her feel so, so good. And that was a promise.

“You’ve got me, Paigey,” you whisper, and your hands find the bottom of her shirt, pulling it over her head. She allows you to pull off her pants, lifting her butt up to let you slide them over her hips. As she lays back against the pillows, clad in only a sports bra and boxers, you let your gaze wander over her athletic body. The heat of your stare causes Paige to writhe impatiently, desperate to feel some pleasure. 

“My pretty girl,” you breathe, sliding a hand down the side of Paige’s ribcage, admiring the pale flesh of her toned stomach. You lean down and press open mouth kisses up and down her abdomen before taking off her bra. You admire her again and attach your mouth to a nipple, eliciting another whine from Paige. The sound inflates your ego, and you bring a hand up to pinch the other one. 

“More,” she chokes out brokenly, and you were not going to deny the blonde. You were going to give her everything until she was begging you to stop. 

Satisfied with the marks you leave scattered across her chest, you move down to the waistband of her boxers. Your breath fans over Paige’s belly button, and hers hitches in the anticipation. Looking up at her, trying to gauge her reaction, you see her eyes screwed shut in concentration. 

“Open those pretty eyes for me, baby,” you request gently, and your heart lurches once she complies. Her clear, blue eyes flutter open, revealing her neediness in blown pupils and a darkness that you’ve never seen before. 

She had never looked so beautiful. 

You pull down Paige’s boxers, throwing them onto the floor. The cool air of the room hits her sopping center, and Paige lets out a gasp. You wanted to immediately dive in, but you knew it would be more fun to tease. Pressing hot, open mouth kisses all over her hips and down to her inner thighs, you revel in the moans pouring from Paige’s mouth. 

She is now just short of begging. 

“Please, princess. Need more. Touch me.”  

Getting drunk off of her desperation, you swallow your own instincts to just give in to her and fuck her senselessly. But you weren't going to give in that easily.

“Gotta tell me where you wanna be touched, pretty girl. Just gotta tell me, and I’ll take such good care of you.” Your words are husky, now, darkening your typical giggly disposition, and Paige secretly savors the dominance pouring out of you.

Another kiss to her inner thigh pulls another whine out of Paige, and she’s bucking her hips up in an attempt to feel a shred of pressure against her pulsating clit. 

“Please, baby…please. N-need you to touch my…pussy.” 

Fucking finally. 

For a moment you thought Paige’s stubbornness would prevail, but it seems that her overwhelming neediness was hijacking her typical need for control.

You take a second to savor it. Paige Bueckers was spread out in front of you at your every whim, and you were going to enjoy this. 

Two fingers ghost across her inner thigh and come to rest at her dripping hole. You gather her wetness, swirling it around her folds and up to her clit. 

A long groan falls out of Paige’s mouth as you finally touch her, followed by several expletives when you replace your fingers for your hot, wet tongue. You had been dying to taste her all day, and your patience was rewarded as you licked a fat stripe from the weeping hole of her pussy up to flick across her clit with a maddening pace. 

With no intent on stopping, or even slowing down, you push in two fingers, and the sudden entry causes Paige’s moans to grow even louder. Torn between wanting the whole world to hear just how good you were making her feel and wanting to keep her all to yourself, you whisper “Gotta be a little quieter for me, baby. Can you be a good girl?”

The last thing you needed was unnecessary attention distracting you from making Paige cum like she never has before.

A quieter whimper leaves Paige’s throat, satisfying you, and you reward her with a third finger, curling them all up to the spongy flesh that holds all the pleasure. 

Paige is humping against your hand now, moaning out, “Feels so good, princess, oh my…god.” Her noises are nothing short of pornographic, and you feel your own wetness slide down your inner thighs.

“Tell me who’s making you feel this good, Paigey,” you grit out, intoxicated from her essence and needing the extra validation to push you over the edge.

Paige moans out your name, and your head soars. You had spent many nights dreaming of scenarios just like this, but nothing compared to having her wrapped around your finger, as she was now. 

Quite literally. 

Continuing your brutal assault on her g-spot and eating her out as if she was the last meal left on earth, you feel Paige’s pussy start to clench around you. 

“Gonna cum for me, baby?” You urge, and she lets out a strangled whine. “Let go, cum for me, P.”

And she does. The sound was heavenly as your name leaves her lips over and over again, like it was a prayer. She throws an arm across her face, as if the release was just too much, and you revel in your abilities. No one else made Paige feel like this but you. 

Giving the blonde a few moments to ride out her high, you slow down, letting the orgasm wash over her. Paige’s chest rises and falls, giving way to labored breaths, and once her legs stop twitching from the sheer pleasure of it all, you crawl up to meet her in a slow kiss. 

It’s different than earlier. The passion is still there, but there is no longer something to prove, and the two of you bask in the glow of a friendship that had developed into something more.

“That was fuckin’ incredible,” Paige murmurs, voice raspy now, and you grin at her praises. 

“What can I say? I’m pretty great,” you gloat, feeling like you had an orgasm yourself.

~

Nika is due to arrive at your hotel any second now, and you finish the final touch ups of your makeup. Paige is behind you, staring at you through the mirror with a fond look on her face that has your stomach erupting in butterflies. 

Paige spins you around and pulls you into a tight hug, whispering, “Look at my pretty princess. I can’t wait to fuck you tonight.” A blush engulfs your face at the thought, and it takes an impressive amount of restraint to avoid pushing her up against the wall and attaching your lips to hers.

A loud knock sounds through the hotel room, pulling the two of you away from your affections. Nika’s smiling face appears as you open the door, and she pulls you into a huge hug. 

“Oh my god. I missed you so much,” she mumbles into your neck. You giggle, repeating her words, as the two of you rock back and forth in a friendly embrace. 

Nika pulls away and steps behind you, jumping onto Paige, yelling in Paige’s ear about how she had ‘missed her twin.’ Paige lets out an affectionate chuckle, telling Nika that she had missed her, too. 

Once the hugging was over, Nika stands in front of you and Paige with a smirk on her face. “So what have you two been up to today?” she asks, a playful glint in her eyes. 

You feel her gaze roam over the hickey peeking out under the collar of your shirt, and your cheeks heat up. 

Paige runs a hand across her face, trying to avoid looking guilty, and Nika gives her a knowing look. 

“About damn time, honestly you two.” 

And there was no point in even trying to deny it anymore. 

~

Part 3

this was a lil too much fun to write. hope you beautiful people enjoyed it

[14dayswithyou]

The 14DWY brainrot is real... >_< were ypu planning on sharing koi ren's design here too or is it discord only for now? remember to drink lots n lots of water today 🐸☔️

i don't rmbr if i included this but can you share any koi crumbs too?

✦゜ANSWERED: aaaaa I'm 14 years late to this ask (/silly), but thank you for reminding me!! I'll add the new Mer Ren design to da queue >:3

I'll also put the Koi Ren (I'm rocking with this new name!!) crumbs under the cut!!

"Stop rocking the boat, Ren." Without sparing a glance in his direction, you continue to stare out into the vast, open lake. "You'll scare away all the fish."

Had you turned around, you would've seen the faux-deadpan look on his face as Ren takes in the irony of your words. As if to prove a point, he gently swishes his tail in the water, which causes small ripples to form and (eventually) disturb your bobber. "I don't think the boat is the problem here."

"Okay, how about this... One more fish, then we can go back." You finally look back at your scaley companion — who was still leaning against the edge of your tin boat with a lazy smile — and give him a resolute nod. "Promise."

"Sure," Ren casually reaches into the boat to pick and pluck at some of your live bait. "But you said that about the last three fish."

"This will be the last one. I swear."

"You... swear?" You try to ignore the way Ren swallows up one of your minnows as if you weren't using them for bait as he continues to speak, "Like... curse words? Humans sure are weird creatures."

As if realising his comment, Ren's ocean-blue eyes widen slightly and shift towards your form. "N-Not... Not you, though."

With a laugh, you playfully try to nudge him off of the boat. All it does is cause it to tip slightly, but Ren steadies it when you show signs of losing balance.

"Alright. One more fish, then?"

You nod and cast your attention back to your rod once more. You don't even notice the silence — nor Ren slipping away — until you suddenly feel a tug on your line and call out to your companion in excitement. "That was quick!"

Quickly reeling it in, you wonder what kind of fish you'd just caught — it's definitely stronger than you anticipated, given how the rod drastically bends and snaps at every movement from the fish. And just as you see the shadow from the murky depths get closer, the ripples get bigger and cause a stir underneath your tin boat. Standing up now, you try with all your might to reel it on board...

...Only for a mess of black hair to emerge from below and peer up at you with a smug look.

"Ren!"

"Looks like you got a big one."

"C'moooon." You practically whine, though you allow Ren to haul himself into your tiny boat and rest his head in your lap. You can still feel his body shake from underneath your touch, no doubt still laughing at his poor attempt at a joke. "This doesn't count."

A beat passes before your fishy companion responds. "...Hm? Fine then."

Another moment of silence follows before he slithers back into the water without another word. Half of you worries that you might've said something to offend him (there was still the tiniest hint of a language barrier between you two). Still, it ultimately leads to nothing as Ren soon emerges once more — only this time, he's hauling the biggest largemouth bass you'd ever seen into your boat.

"This good enough?" He looks at you with wide, blue eyes. "If not, I can probably find a sturgeon and—"

"It's bigger than my boat!"

"Is this what your kind calls... exaggeration? Because your boat is big enough even for me to—"

"—Arghh! It's getting water everywhere! Put it back!"

It was almost comical how Ren tossed the fish over his shoulder and back into the water without breaking eye contact with you.

Another wave of silence hits, yet neither of you seems to move or break the awkward staring contest you'd somehow started. It's then when you notice Ren's grin get bigger — most likely at your resignation and embarrassment — which causes you to fall back into your seat in defeat.

"Fine. Enough fishing for today. Let's head back." Busying yourself with the bucket of fish and tacklebox in front of you, you secure your gear and pack everything away. But it seems Ren had other plans, seeing as he took it upon himself to climb back into your boat and rest his arms on your legs. No longer able to move as freely, you have no choice but to indulge in his carefree whims.

"But you caught me. Aren't you going to bring me home too?"

"As much as I want to," Truly, you do. You've always wanted to show Ren the world outside of Lake Bluemoss. "There's no way I'm carrying you all the way down the mountain."

"You never know until you cry."

"Try." You correct him. "Until you try."

"Your kind sure are funny." Ren nuzzles himself closer. "Perhaps another time, then... Stay here tonight."

Your body pricks up at his words, and you spare a glance at the abandoned boathouse near the dock. Despite its rough and rugged exterior, you and Ren actually made it quite comfy. It had some of your old blankets and sheets thrown over one of the boats to make it comfortable to lounge in — alongside a giant empty tank that you and Ren filled with water for him to sit in as well. Despite the lack of human traction, the place still felt homey and well-loved.

"...I guess I could."

"Then what are we waiting shore?"

You had to roll your eyes at his attempt at a pun.

[dancingdonatello]

2012 Leo X Fem Reader Leo just being the gentleman he is to his queen. Like literally the biggest gentleman. Like holds the door open when their walking, helps them get down from something, like everything he could possibly do he does

2012 leo x reader

Your turtle boyfriend had more manners than most human men you’d met in your life time.

You smiled at him as he opened a door for you, even if it was the door of an abandoned Kraang lab. A normal date location for sure. To be fair, it was the only place you two could really go together that wasn’t the lair.

He led you to an empty room that was filled with a bunch of candles. You weren’t sure if their purpose were to be romantic or just a way to light up the room since there was no other light source available.

He had dragged in a table, it was obvious with the deep scratch marks in the floor that lined up with the table’s legs, and had two chairs facing each other.

He waited for you to walk over and pulled out the chair you had chosen for you. “Thanks!”

You both jumped as a piece of the ceiling came crashing down onto the floor next to the table. He laughed nervously and kicked it the debris into a pile under the table. You used it as a dirty foot test. Good thing you had worn your old sneakers.

He set a half broken picnic on the table and rooted through it, having to almost stick his head inside to be able to see with how dark it was.

After you two ate, he seemed pretty bummed out and ready to go. He helped you back through the broken glass you two had to pass to get to the chosen room, holding your arm to help balance you as you tried to step on the empty spots.

“Something wrong?” You asked as he lead you the way back to your home through a bunch of secluded alleyways where it was almost certain no one would see you too. You never had to even think about the twists and turns, he never minded that you never knew the way he had shown you hundreds of times. He’d show it to you over and over, as long as it gave him more time with you.

“No,” he sighed, frowning at all the trash thrown everywhere. He shoved some aside with his foot to clear your path. “I just wish… This could be different.”

“How come?” You frowned up at him, grabbing onto his arm to stop him from walking. He turned to face you, head angled downwards to look at you.

“You deserve to be at a restaurant or something.” He grabbed the hand that was on his arm and held it in his three fingered one. “Not in an empty Kraang base.”

“But I can’t go to a restaurant with you… only the one with Murakami.”

“Exactly.” He gave you a pointed look. You frowned at him and forced your fingers to interlock with his. Yes, it felt weird and awkward but who cares?

“Even if some jerk head took me to a five star restaurant, I probably wouldn’t have had the same experience as going to some weird, jank, abandoned building with you. I haven’t met anyone as thoughtful as you yet, Leonardo.”

You pressed an angry kiss to his cheek and he stared at you, confused at the mixed signals coming off of you.

“Seriously, Leo, I don’t think you realize how good I got it!” You started to walk and swung your hands back and forth between the two of you, giggling as he gave you an odd look. “I mean it!”

“If you say so…” He tugged you closer to his side to avoid you stepping in a puddle you hadn’t noticed.

He had not a clue in the world, did he?

[luna-azzurra]

Date Gone Wrong

Writing a date gone wrong is an awesome opportunity to show character development in a real, relatable way. When your characters walk into the date, they likely have their own expectations, maybe one of them is hoping for a fairytale romance, while the other just wants a fun evening. The key is to set up that contrast between their hopes and what actually happens. A date gone wrong doesn’t always have to be a massive disaster, sometimes, it’s the little, awkward moments that create tension and humor. A spilled drink, a clumsy comment, or a weird silence can be just as effective as a big argument.

Think about how each character reacts when the evening starts going off the rails. This is where you can really dig into who they are. If the conversation stalls, does one character try to fill the silence with nervous rambling, or do they embrace the awkwardness with humor? If something embarrassing happens like tripping or an accidental insult, how do they recover? Do they get defensive or laugh it off? Their reactions give you a chance to show their personalities, vulnerabilities, and insecurities in a way that feels natural, because dates are one of those situations where people can’t always hide how they really feel.

It’s also important to think about the power dynamics of the situation. Maybe one character is trying too hard to impress, while the other is more relaxed, leading to a weird imbalance. Or maybe they both have completely different expectations for how the night should go , one wants a deep, emotional connection, while the other is just looking for a casual hangout.

[icallhimjoey]

hello love, i have a request for a smutty and fluffy joe fic ❤️ (it's a bit of a personal one) the reader experiences some pain and discomfort during PIV and their past partner(s) never took the time to make sure they are fully comfortable and heard... but joe does. 🥺 xx.

thanks for your request! i didnt deliver much on the smut (my apologies) but i tried to do it justice for ya ❤️ Wordcount: 2K

---

And I'll Listen

“What’s wrong?” Joe asked, after climbing up onto your bed and sitting down right in front of you, mirroring you exactly. Legs criss crossed in front, elbows pressed into the inside of your knees. 

“What? Nothing’s wrong.” You smiled, but your words came out without any confidence. It sounded like a fat lie, even to your own ears, so you knew Joe wouldn’t be convinced. 

“Okay,” Joe said, narrowing his eyes a little, but letting his hands find yours in between your laps and leaning in for a kiss anyway. 

You’d had a whole day that built up to this.

Every little thing leading up to this moment.

Of having Joe in bed with you, the unsaid expectation of getting to connect past kisses and wandering hands.

Joe had been extra sweet, had really done his best to make you giggle and blush a little more than he had done on any previous dates. Not because he was hoping you’d repay his kindness with anything. That wasn’t the type of person he was. But because he wanted you to feel comfortable around him. He wanted you to enjoy this just as much as he was probably going to.

Which, you did. You did feel comfortable around him.

You liked Joe a lot.

You wanted him in bed with you. You wanted Joe to kiss you, and so when he leant in for one, it was easy to accept his lips as they brushed against yours.

It was just that... you were nervous.

Sort of scared.

There was a little seed of fear left over from unpleasant experiences with other men, and you hadn’t realised how all throughout the day you’d been silently watering it.

It was a whole big leafy plant now, and it made you turn Joe’s kiss into a quick peck. 

You wondered if Joe would accept it if you just wanted to cuddle all night. 

Joe smiled at you, and he noticed the blush high up on your cheeks. You looked real cute like this, in the low light of your bedroom that turned everything into soft oranges, and he let go of one of your hands to curl it around your neck. 

He pulled you in for another kiss, and you liked the strong fingers that held your head up, but you did the same thing again. Broke the kiss just as quick as it started and moved back a little, biting into your bottom lip and bringing a hand up to softly rub at the side of your nose. 

Your nose wasn’t itchy, but by covering your mouth you ensured Joe couldn’t quickly try for another kiss. 

This felt awkward. Which was weird, Joe thought.

You’d kissed lots already.

You’d surprised him with kisses a lot, actually. Like in public, right outside a pub, when he hadn’t expected it at all and he had nearly dropped his beer. Or earlier when he’d shown you the eyelash on the tip of his finger that he’d carefully taken from just underneath your eye and made you make a wish before you both blew it off.

It was strange that you were cutting off kisses and keeping him at a distance.

Joe moved back a little more, and you saw how he observed you for a moment before his brows pulled down into a confused frown.

“You seem nervous…” he said, smiling still.  

“Yea, it’s the nerves.” you joked dryly, using the moment to try and get rid of the uneasy feeling that you couldn’t seem to shake. You hoped a little humour would help, and it did help, because Joe burst into loud laughter.

But then the moment Joe’s laughter subsided and he went in to kiss you again, murmuring “I’m trying to set the mood, stop being so funny,” against your lips, the fear and anticipation returned full force. 

God, why were you panicking?

This was Joe.

He’d done nothing to make you believe he was like… like the others. Like any of them, actually.

Your clear mind was convinced you could just tell Joe about the issue and that he would react the way you’d want him to. The problem, however, was that your mind didn’t feel all so clear right now, unfortunately. And Joe could feel it in the way you froze on him a little. You were letting him kiss you, but you weren’t really kissing back all that much.

“What’s got you so nervous, hey?” 

Joe knew he wouldn’t be in bed with you if you didn’t want him there. There was no question about where the night was headed; you had both been very clear about it, so there was no doubt in Joe’s mind at all.

He guessed it was normal to feel a little nervous, but something about you felt a little off. Something different in your eyes. 

“I just said,” and you just couldn’t fucking help to use the same joke to deflect, “It’s the nerves.” 

This time you didn’t get a laugh, but just a small smile and eyes that slid down your body before they found yours again to lock onto.

“I know that...” Joe started, face serious enough for you to feel uneasy with his eye-contact. You looked away, and it made Joe pause.

You weren’t really letting him in.

“I know that being vulnerable can be scary, but…” Joe looked at your hands and cupped one into his palm so he could let his other hand tickle the inside of yours. He glanced up to see that you were staring at it too.

“I think that you think it takes a lot of effort to be a little more exposed... that it’s hard work to open those doors.” 

Oh, shit. 

You did think that.

You didn’t like how Joe seemingly saw right through you. 

“But if you ask me, you’ve got it wrong. It’s not hard work. But you know what is? Keeping the doors closed when someone else is trying to take a peek inside.” Joe stressed his words and made it obvious he was talking about himself. “We’re just gonna be pulling on either side… and, you’re strong. You’ll probably manage to keep it shut if you were really determined. And then what might happen is that I’ll grow tired eventually and stop trying...” 

You inhaled a shuddery breath. That wasn’t what you wanted. It was frustrating that Joe even framed it like he had to work hard for it, but you didn’t want Joe to stop trying.

“And I don’t even want to get inside. I just want to... I don’t know, I guess I just want to open the door and have a look. Wanna see you.” 

Somehow the concept of being seen felt just as bad as letting someone in.

“Joe…” you whispered, and watched as Joe grabbed hold of both of your hands, interlacing your fingers together in a bid to feel closer. Your touching knees weren’t really covering Joe’s want for closeness.

“Am I making sense? Do I–” he sounded impossibly sweet and gentle, it was almost too soft for you to bear.

“Yea, no, you are! You are, but…”  

“But what?” 

But your fingers had held onto those doorhandles for so long they’d sort of cramped into their set position and prying them loose was actually the painful bit. That first step of opening up was what had you worried, because what if Joe got a little glimpse inside and didn’t care for what he’d see. 

Because that had happened before. 

Or at least... that’s how you had always interpreted it.

Because you’d felt like you had let people look inside, but then they hadn’t really seen you. They’d just barged in and didn’t listen when you’d said, stop, that’s enough. 

Rational thought told you not to accuse Joe of things he hadn’t done, but you couldn’t help your body anticipating the worst all the same.

“Hey,” Joe whispered and pulled you from your thoughts, big eyes filled with worry that didn’t feel pitying to you. More warm and kind, like he was trying to show you that he would see. That he would listen.

“It’s just me.” 

“Well… you see, it’s not. It’s not just you. It’s you and,” you glanced down between the two of you and, for a split second, thought of mentioning Joe’s dick.

Classic joke.

It’s you and your huge shlong that counts as its own individual.

But Joe hadn’t just tried to convince you to be honest with him for you to throw a dick joke into his face, and so instead you let your eyes find Joe’s again and you finished, “me.” 

You said it like it should really worry Joe that it was you he was with.

Like he had made a great mistake by being here.

Like there was something terribly wrong with you.

Which, you kind of thought there was. A little.

But Joe didn’t think so, and his facial expression pulled into something past confusion. He seemed almost offended at the light that you’d just placed yourself into, so you scrambled to explain what you meant.

“It’s you and me, and I don’t… you know, there is... so, before it’s not always been- s-sometimes it’s not been– not that I don’t trust you, like, I know you wouldn’t want to hurt me, but, it’s not like, like, it’d b-be your fault, it’s just that it’s scary ‘cause then, what if it does, a-and–”

“Hey.” Joe stopped you. He’d heard enough.

You were getting ridiculously close to crying, Joe might as well just start getting dressed again, you thought. This was going nowhere, fucking pathetic. Joe hadn’t flirted with you all day for him to spend his evening comforting his crying date.

“Take a deep breath.” he instructed. Wasn’t a question.

You shuddered through an exhale first before you took a quick big gulp of air. 

“Slower. Do one more, slow. Close your eyes.” 

Joe sounded more stern than he had done before, and you reluctantly followed his instructions. Sort of. Joe had to give you a raise of his eyebrows and a little nod before you closed your eyes. When you exhaled your slow breath, you noticed how dropping your shoulders stopped your lips from wobbling. 

“Another one.” he said, sounding a little bit more gentle this time.

You felt Joe press a thumb in between your eyes, pulling upwards, easing your frown. He did that a couple of times until he couldn’t see it anymore. 

“Okay. Good. That’s better.” 

Then he used both his hands to trace lines from your forehead down either side of your face until his finger tips met over your lips.

You visibly relaxed a little more, eyes still closed as you let your head hang to the side a little.

After doing that for a while, after your lips had slightly parted on their own, Joe softly asked, “Does this feel nice?” 

“Mhm,” you tried nodding but weren’t sure you even moved all that much. 

“Good. S’all I want.” 

You snapped your eyes open, immediately tense again and ready to argue, because intentions didn’t matter. No one had even intended to hurt you before, but it had still happened. Hence this whole fear-plant that lived inside you now.

“But, what if–”

“You tell me.” Joe quickly interrupted you. 

“Okay, but–” 

“And then I’ll listen.” 

Oh.

Hit the nail right on its head.

You inhaled a sharp breath and pulled your bottom lip into your mouth.

“You tell me, and I’ll listen, okay?” Joe sounded dead serious.

You thought for a moment, and then nodded.

“Yea, okay.” 

“Yea?”

“Yea.” 

“Promise me one thing.” Joe pulled both your hands into his chest, curling them under his chin as he forced eye-contact with you.

“You have to tell me. Talk to me. I don’t want you– you’re not allowed to… I don’t know. To push through. I don’t want you to pretend everything is okay when it’s not, all right? Any discomfort and you just say stop, okay?” 

You felt your eyes well up and before Joe could witness tears spilling over, you were quick to lean in and kiss him, pulling your hands from his grasp and using both to pull him closer by the back of his neck.

“Mm– promise me, you gotta promise–” Joe was hardly stopping you from kissing him, but he needed you to say it.

“I promise, I promise,” you urgently said, not even sure if you even knew how to tell Joe to stop, but your gut-feeling overwhelmingly wanted you to kiss him, so you did.

And feverishly so.

You felt Joe smile against your mouth as he let both arms curl around your middle, pulling you into his lap, and it felt a little silly how suddenly, Joe’s earlier words settled within you.

“It’s just me.” 

He was right.

This was just Joe.

It was like you had only just understood what he had even meant when he’d said that.

“It’s just you.” you repeated in a whisper, reassuring yourself as Joe kissed down your neck.

But Joe actually thought that what you’d said made more sense. That you were actually right, and he needed you to know he understood.

“It’s me and you, all right?” Joe corrected, breaking from you just long enough for you to pull your top off, and then going back in for your mouth.

“It’s me and you.”

---

The Taglisted

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add yourself

[naomiarai]

bsf tyun coming over to your place, finals just ended and god, you could use some relaxing time with him. a little talking somehow leads to the topic of “if youve ever received head” now sex talk with taehyun wasn't weird, it just wasnt often and that aspect made it a little awkward. but when you let out a quick “no” at the said question; you think youve never seen taehyun so wide eyed. youve seriously never been eaten out? he asks with pure amusement. all you could let out was another pathetic “no”, this was embarrassing in a way, what if he thinks you're really inexperienced with this kind of shit even though you guys have been friends to the point to even talk about it?

is that weird or something..? you ask, anticipating his answer, no, god no thats not weird, i just couldn't fathom that nobody ever made you feel good like that he says in a rush. wow,, for it to be surprising, oral sex must be the base of even putting a dick inside a pussy you think. but now it intrigues you, how does it feel to have someone's tongue right on your cunt? its definitely strange to imagine but its a thought that comes to mind if youve got someone surprised and only ever had dick inside you.

b..but im curious, i wonder how it feels.., you mumble to yourself, but seeing taehyun turn his head towards you, he heard it too. he pauses for a moment before saying,, i can make that happen, if you want to that is, he says ever so simply like he just didn't ask he if he could eat you out. your heart drops, did you hear that right? did he just blatantly ask if he could possibly eat you out? oh my god. you feel so warm all of a sudden, something along your mind giving you the feeling of saying “yes”.

but what if it ruins your friendship? what if, you gain feelings for him after he gives you head and its never normal again?. over here...wouldn't the bed be more convenient..? you say before you could regret it. taehyun looks at you again, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a genuine grin, so im guessing that's a yes? hm? he asks with a tone of triumph. you look at him with doe eyes,, whispering uh..h yes..

and thats how found yourself here, naked legs spread open, and taehyun in-between them, a tight grip on your thighs to keep you from moving. anticipation fills you as be simply urges you to relax and he'd take care of the rest >< (how is taehyun so calm here idk) you slightly flinch at the feeling of his tongue flat against your hole, the cold feeling sending vibrations down ur spine. his fingers move in circles around ur inner thigh, as he sucks at your clit as he uses his other hand to flick at it. god, its seriously just making you wetter, it felt so fucking good.

a-...ah, dont stop- god you say letting out soft moans, you could feel taehyun smiling at your cunt, really happy huh? your thighs start shaking right as he slips his tongue inside your gaping hole, smoothly rubbing against your walls, edging you so close to your orgasm. i can feel ur close, come for me yeah? he says and its got your pussy throbbing, almost immediately cumming at the end of his sentence.

he looks at you with delight as your chest heaves up and down, recovering from your orgasm. you feel heavenly, gosh was he good ;3 he goes back to lick up the mess u made,,, youll have to do this again, with an excuse that you'd only done it once...

[the-maddened-hatter]

Honestly Monk was SUCH a good show for me to see as a young teen I'm ngl. Like yeah, it's not an overly accurate representation of OCD and I'm sure there's things that probably didn't age very well, but OH MY GOD can you even comprehend how amazing it was to get to see a canonically disabled, ND, and, more specifically, PROFOUNDLY ANXIOUS badass main character when you're a freshly diagnosed autistic & anxious young 12-13 year old with the only real advice from a crappy psychiatrist being to "learn to step out of your comfort zone or consider beginning prescription medications."

To get to see "do it scared" depicted in cinematic action in both heroic and relatively mundane contexts. A touch-averse, routine adhering, socially awkward, sensory issue having character as a SMART AND COURAGEOUS PROTAGONIST!

Hell, it was pretty amazing (for me at least) to see a character use those disinfectant handwipes every episode! I have severe food allergies and I have to carry a pack or canister with me for when I need to eat in town or when I've had to go into a grocery store and now that there's a pandemic and food allergies are rather more of an understood issue it's not all that weird a thing to have, but at the time it was definitely yet another step apart from peers and by god was it awesome to see a (again, smart and awesome) character use them too, even if it wasn't for quite the same reasons.

There's things that took longer to germinate too (and tbh still are).

That you don't owe people being "normal and easy". Yes, you have to be cognizant of their needs, boundaries, and how your behavior affects them, but it's still okay to need help and to do things in odd ways and have unusual needs.

That sometimes you're going to fail, do things badly, not be able to be as reasonable as you logically know you should. That logic can't always beat fear even when it should, and that it doesn't make YOU a failure, it means you have to try again another time or try differently.

And that sometimes people aren't as good for you as they seem, no matter how much history you have, and it hurts, it truly does, but sometimes it leads you to connect, by pure chance, with a compassionate stranger, and time will make the disparities between them clearer to the point that when you look back you don't know how you ever thought they were your ally just because they put up with your problems

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 14

part 1 | part 13 | ao3

fuckin' finally some FLUFF

Dinner is awkward.

It’s awkward, Steve thinks as he spears a Brussels sprout with more force than strictly necessary, because Dustin promised that it was just going to be the three of them tonight, and now he’s sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with his leather-clad metalhead neighbor.

It went like this: Steve showed up at the Henderson’s front door with a pie plate and a two-liter of Grapico under his arm, looking like a dork on picture day in his best jeans and a nice polo with his hair actually combed for once, and he lifted his hand to knock only to be greeted by Eddie throwing the door open and hollering, “Be right back, Henderson! Gotta grab— oh, shit.” 

And then, more eloquently, “Uh…” 

Uh. Like Steve was the one unexpectedly crashing the party.

Steve stabs another sprout. 

They’ve been bumbling through stilted small talk about work and school and weekend plans for what feels like a painfully long time, and Eddie has his elbows on the table — didn’t even bother to take his jacket off because he was apparently raised in a barn — and it’s basically dinner with Barb’s parents all over again. 

This is finger-lickin’ good.  

God. Get him out of here.

“Okay,” Dustin cuts through the stalled-out silence in the room. He jabs an accusatory fork into the air, pointing between the two of them and narrowing his eyes. “You two are being weird.” 

Eddie startles dumbly, and Steve just says, “Hmm?”

“You.” He aims the fork at Steve. “Are being.” It moves to Eddie; back to Steve. “Weird. What’s going on? I thought you two were getting along now.” 

Steve dabs his mouth with his napkin. Wow. Okay. So they’re doing this now.

Eddie either doesn’t get the memo or just decides to rip it up, because instead of being honest he throws on a theatrical smile and flings an arm around Steve’s shoulders, proclaiming, “Of course we are! C’monnn. Me and this guy?” He reaches up to give Steve a gentle noogie. Steve wonders if you can get a more lenient sentence if the guy you murdered really, really deserved it. “Thick as thieves.” 

Claudia smiles fondly.

Dustin’s not buying it. “You’re so full of shit, you know that?”

“Dusty!” Claudia gasps. She gives him a stern look as she tops off her wine glass, then leans over to do the same for Steve and Eddie’s glasses, too. “Stevie, honey, don’t listen to him,” she soothes. “I think it’s sweet. It’s good to see you with some boyfriends your own age.”

Dustin chokes at her word choice, and Steve blushes to his ears. 

Eddie’s arm tightens around his shoulders. “Yeah, Stevie,” he smirks, leaning in a little closer. “We’re great boyfriends, aren’t we?” 

“Oh, yeah,” Dustin joins in, “best boyfriends I’ve ever seen.” 

Surely murder’s just murder, right? Like, from a sentencing perspective? Does it matter how many people you off, or do you just get thirty-to-life regardless?

“Steve, tell mom more about your boyfriend.”

Steve chugs his glass of wine.

—

The conversation turns to less embarrassing topics after that, the words flowing more easily now that everyone’s warmed up with wine and making fun of Steve. Claudia asks what everyone’s doing for Halloween, and Dustin tells her that Eddie and Steve are taking the boys trick-or-treating in the neighborhood with the good candy bars (which was news to Steve, goddammit), and that leads to a discussion of costume plans. 

Dustin and Mike are going as a pair again, Marty and Doc from Back to the Future. Lucas is doing his own thing, but he's "totally delusional if he thinks a costume is gonna win Max back." Steve doesn’t really have a costume this year, so he’ll probably just pull some sweats out of the closet, throw a whistle around his neck and go as a basketball coach, and Eddie, surprisingly, has the lowest effort costume of them all. 

“Oh, I’m going as a vampire,” he says when Claudia asks. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out some cheap plastic teeth and pops them into his mouth. “Ta-daaa.”

Steve wrinkles his nose. “You just carry those around?” 

“Isn’t it awesome?” Dustin asks.

“Not really, no. It’s not.” 

“But S’theeeve,” Eddie lisps around the fangs. The wine’s made him weirder, playful and too-friendly and berry pink in the cheeks. He holds his sleeve in front of his face like a vampire hiding behind a cape and drawls, “I vant to s’thuck your bloood.”

Steve vants to jump out the window. “I’m gonna go serve the pie.” 

—

part 15

tags below the cut, comment if you want me to tag you tomorrow 🩷

@acedorerryn @ahsokatanoss @annabanannabeth @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awolfstudio @bananahoneycomb @bronwenmarie @burymestanding @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @courtjestermunson @cr0w-culture @cuips-not-cute @dontwasteyourchances @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple @eriquin @estrellami-1 @evillittleguy @fandomfix8 @foolofentirelytoomanyfandoms @goodolefashionedloverboi @gregre369 @griefabyss69 @grtwdsmwhr @heartsong18 @hellion-child @hotluncheddie @jackiemonroe5512 @jaytriesstuff @littlebluejane @lololol-1234 @messrs-weasley @nburkhardt @noodle-shenaniganery @ppunkpuppyy @runninriot @sadcanadianwinter @silver-snaffles @singmeyoursimpsong @slowandsteddie @slutforcoffein @solalasoforth @steddieas-shegoes @stevesbipanic @steves-strapcollection @teatimeeverybody @thealwithnoname @thestarslittleking @thesuninyaface @trensu @violetsteve

[drvscarlett]

About You Pt 10

Sebastian Vettel x Webber!Reader

Summary: Everyone knows about the history of Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber. But there's a well kept story within the paddock about Sebastian Vettel and another Webber. This is that story.

About You Series

A/N: the calm before the multi 21 lore. are you ready for it??? i would like to know how you guys feel about this

Taglist: @spideybv28@randomcuboidshape @mehrmonga @casperlikej @cliosunshine @honethatty12 @randomgirlnumber-13 @sugyomama @ririyulife @skywalker1dream @vicurious28 @khaylin27 @0710khj @its-elias-world @vizzzashley @allisonwoods @taytaylala12 @miarabanana @ceciii-b @lindsayjoy444

2012, Winter break (December)

Even if Y/N was set on confessing after the Brazilian GP, she couldn't find Sebastian anywhere. She was a little bit upset by the loss of opportunity but Jenson assured that there may be another chance to do that again.

It was Christmas Eve when Sebastian Vettel appeared in front of her apartment. She was shocked that when she returned home after her morning jog, Sebastian was sitting outside her apartment door with a duffel bag. It gave her a deja vu of when Sebastian first won his WDC and he was out there waiting for her in her childhood home.

"You could have called me, what if I wasn't here"Y/N reprimanded.

"I called Michael and he told me the trip wasn't due till January. You are obviously not with Jenson as he is spending Christmas with his family. You are also not going home because I don't think you made up with your brother yet"Sebastian enumerates with a grin.

"You know everything about me, don't you"Y/N shakes her head.

"Well there are some things I still don't know about you"

Y/N frowned. With the amount of time spent together, it was obviously weird for Sebastian to miss out some details about her life especially with how attentive and updated Sebastian can be.

"Then go and ask away so you can satiate your curiosity" Y/N gave a green signal.

"This is more than the usual question and answer portion Y/N" Sebastian's tone was serious.

It was another rare occurrence. Sebastian was always the guy that laces his words with lightheartedness and some cheeky remarks. Seeing him go into his serious mode made Y/N put down her cup of hot choco.

"You know you could tell me anything"Y/N confirms.

Of course, Sebastian doesn't know it but Y/N is panicking. She wonders if Sebastian had already picked up her feelings and what if he doesn't reciprocate them. Things can go very awkward between them real quick.

"I wanted to ask something, please don't lie and just be real"Sebastian started "How do you feel about me?"

The blunt statement has Y/N taking a step back. She could hear a pin drop between the silence of the two of them. Sebastian seems to be waiting her answers and she was too scared to say the wrong words.

"You're my bestfriend Sebastian" the safest answer she could produce

"I know that but.."Sebastian closed his eyes "isn't there anything else you feel for me?"

What does he want me to say, Y/N mentally asked herself. She wonders if Sebastian was baiting her to tell her feelings. She is overthinking how this is all a very bad idea to do especially when Christmas is just a few hours away. Y/N couldn't simply deal with being heartbroken on Christmas day.

"Listen Y/N-"

"Seb I-"

The two chuckled as the tensions dwindles with the way they both spoke at the same time. It was like a perfectly timed comedy joke between the two of them.

"Let me go first and then I'll hear you out"Sebastian took the lead.

Y/N noticed how Sebastian's proximity has been closer with the way he gently held her hands. Her heart was pumping because she might be onto something special.

"I love you a lot"Sebastian laid it out, plain and simple.

"It has been a while since I harbored feelings for you. I am a coward and I have spent so many months and years trying to deny my feelings or running away from them but in the end I ended up looking for you every single time. Its you and it has always been you"

The words were english but it seems so foreign for Y/N's ears. She felt as if she was in an alternate reality because it seems unreal that Sebastian reciprocates her feelings.

"You like me?"Y/N repeated

"Like seems to be an understatement when I have been pining for you for years"Sebastian shyly admits "I think I love you now"

Her eyes looked at him to see if there was any malice or any false sense of hope that she can detect. She couldn't find any as his eyes were speaking to her genuinely.

Is this what love feels like?

"I understand that this is a lot for you to take in and I won't force things to work out if you are not ready. I am willing to wait and I am willing to make an effort to show you that I am sincere with my wishes"Sebastian started to ramble.

It was a funny sight because the usual overconfident driver was in a mess of words in front of a girl. Y/N gave him a kiss on the cheeks to assure him.

"I have feelings for you Seb"Y/N confessed "I have tried to tell you how I feel but it never seems to be a good timing and now you beat me to it"

Y/N could swear that Sebastian's pupils went wider as she was speaking. The look of disbelief in Sebastian's point of view is visible with his facial reaction.

"So are we like now together?"Sebastian awkwardly asked

There was still the pressing matter that Y/N's family is Mark aka Sebastian's teammate and his rival. It was still a little bit complicated if they will add the relationship into the mix.

"We can take this slow right?"Y/N wondered "I just don't want to rush things with all the tensions and problems"

Sebastian has already resigned with that idea that he has to keep the relationship on the low. But he was contented with that because now he knows how the both of them feel.

"We will take it slow then"

2013, Winter break (January)

"There is something different about the two of you"Michael noticed.

Sebastian felt like a deer caught in a headlights when his idol has suddenly popped out of the blue and had a pensive expression on his face.

"Maybe we are just adjusting to the alps altitudes" Sebastian joked.

Michael's eyes darted between Sebastian and Y/N. As a racing driver, it was like a second nature for him to be attentive of his surroundings as the slightest change could mean a lot to the whole competition. He believes that his years as a driver has given him keen insights to know if some relationships changed or leveled up.

"You confessed"Michael realized.

The evident blush on Sebastian was enough confirmation that Michael needs. He was absolutely thrilled by this information and he couldn't wait to tell his family all about it. They have been rooting for them for years.

"It happened Christmas eve and it sort of happened"Sebastian explains "But we're not currently with the labels as we are taking it slow so Mark doesn't freak out too much when we tell him"

"Tell me you confessed first"

"I did, how did you know that?"Sebastian was confused.

Michael just let out a loud laugh. He may have to call some of the grid drivers to tell them that they better prepare their money as they have lost big time. He was fairly certain that Sebastian would be the one to initiate a conversation and confess first.

"Good to hear, you just made a lot of us happy"

For Sebastian, it just felt surreal how he is conversing about Y/N as a special lady in his life. He felt giddy by the thought of it as he longingly looks at Y/N, who was currently playing with Gina and Mick.

"You are so down bad for Y/N"Michael observed "Young love"

"Was this how it feels when you met Corinna?"

When Sebastian tells you that Michael is his idol, he means that in every aspect. He admires him as a fantastic racing driver, as a family man, and even as a loving partner. He wanted to gain some insights as he didn't want to fuck up his relationship and Michael seems to have a good standing with how Corinna and him are going strong after all these years.

"How do you two manage your relationship?"Sebastian asked.

"I am very lucky as Corinna is very understanding and she would always love me through the good times and bad times. Being in a relationship with a driver is difficult as everything is placed under deep scrutiny but Corinna she loves me too much to be afraid of that"

Michael sits up straight as he felt like he was giving important life advices to his younger self.

"You really like Y/N, don't you?" Michael knew the answer to this.

"I love her at this point Michael"Sebastian's voice has no ounce of hesitation.

"Then let me tell you that you should always cherish her"Michael pointed out "Be loyal to her and fight for her. You never know what's coming but do this and its a guarantee that it will work out"

Their gaze drifted back to Y/N who was engaged in a snow fight with the kids. The thought in Sebastian mind crosses about maybe one day he will have kids of their own and they'll be having family trips like this with the Schumachers.

"If you two build a family, you better name the first born Michael"the older driver joked.

2013, Circuito de Jerez

It felt like a full circle moment when pre-testing season starts in Jerez. Seems like it was just yesterday that Y/N first encountered Sebastian in this same track and now a lot has changed.

"Penny for your thoughts?"Sebastian asked.

He gave her a kiss on the forehead as he gave her a cup of coffee. There was a certain lightheadedness that Y/N experience with the way Sebastian has been acting lovey dovey to her.

"We met each other in this circuit, do you remember?"Y/N informs.

There was a hint of confusement in Sebastian's face.

"As far as I could recall we first spoke in the Australian Grand Prix" Sebastian pointed out "I never knew you were already an admirer even before that point"

The teasing never seems to stop with Sebastian with his shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

"Go ahead and laugh but I'm not the one who confessed"

"That's fair I guess"Sebastian shrugged.

The two of them enjoyed the sound of the cars going around for the testing proper. It felt crazy how there is another upcoming season before them and Y/N could only pray for the the best.

"How are you feeling?"Y/N wondered "It seems like yesterday you're like that driver without a seat and looking to impress some teams with a single drive"

"Yeah I suppose it can feel weird that my future competitor might be somewhere over there" Sebastian thoughtfully stated.

"I'm sure Red Bull is dominating another season"Y/N is a boost of confidence for Sebastian.

The two of them spent the afternoon together as they watch some F2 drivers test their cars. Different teams definitely noticed the mix of the contrasting orange and navy uniform side by side with each other. It didn't take long before it reached Mark's intel.

2013, Melbourne Grand Prix Circuit

It wasn't until the Australian Grand Prix that Mark was able to meet Y/N in person. He have tried his best to reach out to her during the pre-testing season but she was surrounded by Sebastian or dragged into meetings with McLaren.

He really needs to speak to Y/N because he fears that she might be putting herself in a tricky situation.

"Y/N" The exhausted Mark finally saw her with a group of McLaren mechanics.

There was no Jenson or Sebastian anywhere near her so he might have a chance to speak with her freely.

"We need to talk, this is urgent"Mark's tone was a mix of begging and a command.

"Mark, you are not supposed to be here"one of the mechanics stepped up "Y/N we can call security if you-"

"That won't be necessary Ed, he is my brother and we'll just take a quick walk"Y/N interrupted.

The mechanics looked at Mark before meeting Y/N's gaze once again. They seem to be unsure about letting their employee go to the Red Bull driver regardless if he is her brother. But Y/N gave an okay signal and they left them all alone.

"You haven't spoken me for so long and now you are forcing me to talk to you"Y/N's voice was dull and without any excitement. Clearly she is still hurt by everything that transpired.

"I have been a bad brother, I know that"Mark admitted.

"Thanks for the obvious"

"But I'm here again because I don't want to be bad brother anymore"Mark added "I don't have the guts to see you feel more pain after everything I put you through"

Y/N stops on her tracks, she seems to understand that Mark knows something. She was scared that he might forbid her from forming any further relationship with Sebastian.

"You have to stop seeing Sebastian"

"What?"Y/N was furious "Who gives you a right to who should I and should I not date, this is so low of you Mark"

"Y/N please listen to me, I have my reasons to why you have to do this. Just listen to me"Mark was exasperated.

He is in the mental dilemma of telling her sister the plain truth of what he saw in Brazil. It will definitely crush her to know that she may be a third party in the relationship. Or he could not tell her and allow her to find out herself in the future which means more pain.

She may hate Mark forever but as an older brother he has to do this.

"I have heard you two have been going on and about but believe me Y/N, Sebastian is up to no good"Mark explained.

"You are just saying this without any grounds"

"Would you believe me if I told you things?" Mark rebutted.

There was a silence between them. Mark knew that he lost Y/N's trust a long time ago because of their unnecessary fighting. He doesn't know what he could do to make her trust him again.

"Did he ever tell you about what happened in Brazil 2012?"Mark wondered.

Y/N wavered as she realized that it was also that time that she was looking for Sebastian but he was nowhere to be seen. She felt curious to what Mark is implying with his statements.

"Stop speaking in riddles and tell me"

"You should ask Seb about it"Mark pushed "I cannot witness you to be in more pain than what he puts you through already"

The younger Webber cries out in frustration. She was so sick of Mark speaking vaguely and planting seeds of doubt in her head. She was finally happy and now Mark is ruining everything again.

"I don't understand any of this"Y/N was frustrated "Just tell me what's going on"

"Y/N I'm so sorry but I-"

"This is all just bullshit isn't it"Y/N lashed "You are just saying these things to further complicate things and prevent us from dating. Stop trying to fucking control my life Mark"

The exchanges of words reopened wounds that haven't healed. It was the first time that Y/N saw Mark tear up because of her words and she immediately regretted what she said.

"I am just doing what I know to protect you Y/N. I never meant to hurt you."Mark was fighting his tears but failing "I hope that when you know the truth then you can understand why I am doing this"

"Mark wait.."

But the Red Bull driver already walked away briskly.

[rosylix]

chaotic, my heart is off time

a certain dare leads jisung to discover he may not be as straight as he thinks he is or: felix is really pretty and jisung is confused

pairing: jilix (jisung × felix)

wc: 12.2k

content: college au, fluff, smut, a little angst, they are both awkward cuties tbh, alcohol, passing mention of drugged drink. slight inexperience, extremely platonic handjobs between bros, switch!felix kinda?, sub!jisung semi-awakening, jisung has a lot of feelings that scare him, depictions of anxiety/minor panic attack, sexuality crisis, includes texting screenshots (mainly at the end)

[also read on ao3]

—

It's all Hyunjin's fault, really. 

Jisung has nothing else to blame except his innate stupidity and the one too many drinks he had downed that are making him act even more stupid, if that's even possible. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. This whole thing is just so stupid. 

That's the only thought in his head as he wanders the house of whichever classmate is hosting this party (probably one of Chan's friends, he knows everyone), searching for someone who would be down to let him give them a handjob without it being awkward or weird.

He should've known truth or dare was a terrible idea.

“Hm… I dare you to give someone a handjob,” Hyunjin had said with a smirk. “It can be anyone at the party.”

Jisung blinked. “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“But how will you even know, like…”

“I'll know,” he said simply, and gave him an unsettling look like he knew something Jisung didn't.

And that was it. Jisung was pushed out of the room, practically sent to the wolves to complete the dare before midnight. He felt like a fucked up rendition of Cinderella or something.

A handjob? Really, Hyunjin? Jisung doesn't even swing that way and yet he can't find it in himself to back down from the dare. He knows it's a problem, his inability to admit defeat when faced with a challenge. Not to say that the alcohol buzzing through his system isn't playing a part as well. It definitely is.

Jisung lightly slaps himself and mentally tells himself to get a grip, dude. It's just a handjob between bros. A totally chill and normal endeavor! He doesn't know why he's making such a big deal out of it (he's definitely done weirder things before) but something about the idea is making a weird nervous feeling creep through his system.

It's fine. It's literally not a big deal. I'm sure the guys wouldn't even mind getting jerked off, he tells himself as he continues looking around (definitely not stalling) from the corner he's found himself nestled in. Ultimately, he decides that in order to have the least awkward situation possible he should try to find someone he's friends with rather than a random stranger. He goes through his list of friends he's comfortable with.

Chan? No. God, no. Jisung cringes immediately after thinking it. Chan's like a friend, brother, and parental figure all in one to Jisung. Even if he might agree to help, Jisung does not even want to entertain the thought any longer. He shudders.

Changbin? Uh… maybe? He was there at the truth or dare game so he already knows the situation. But he was also giving Hyunjin googly eyes the entire time so maybe not. Blegh.

Minho? Jisung thinks this is probably his best bet. Worst case, his hyung will laugh at his situation and turn him down kindly. But he trusts Minho to not let it become awkward between them either way.

Still, he should probably think through his other options. Obviously not Hyunjin… Jeongin? Even though he knows he's not, Jisung still sees him as a pure, innocent kid, he can't help it. Something about it just inherently feels wrong, he's like his little brother. Absolutely not.

So then, Seungmin? Honestly Jisung isn't totally averse to the idea… but Seungmin is his roommate and he would never be able to escape if things become awkward. So, no.

He doesn't know how long he's been standing there, probably looking pretty creepy he suddenly realizes, when a hand snaps in front of his face.

He blinks. When he looks up he sees a mildly annoyed Seungmin staring at him. Speak of the fucking devil.

"That was my drink, you know."

Oh. Jisung looks down at the drink he's holding—huh, when did he grab that?—and looks back up at Seungmin with an apologetic expression.

"I was wondering where this came from, sorry Min."

Seungmin waves it off. "That's so like you to just pick up any drink. You're lucky it was mine and not, like, some random person's." He pauses. "Or drugged."

Jisung laughs nervously. "Yeah uh, you're right, I'll be more careful." He straightens up. "Thank you for sacrificing your drink for the greater good," he says solemnly with a bow.

Seungmin rolls his eyes. "Yeah sure, anytime." He pauses. "Are.. you alright though? You've been standing here spaced out for a while but you usually love to go around annoying everyone. I would know, unfortunately." Another small roll of his eyes, then tilting his head to the side, he offers a light smile. "If you want we can go home and just watch Netflix or something?"

Of course Seungmin can tell something's up. Jisung isn't always the most comfortable in larger social gatherings with people outside his immediate friend circle. He much prefers to stay in his room and binge watch YouTube videos until he passes out, something his roommate is well aware of. Jisung appreciates the concern even if that isn't the current cause of his worries.

Still, he doesn't really want to bother Seungmin with his current predicament. "Aww, is my little Minnie worried about me~? I knew you cared about meee!" Jisung drawls, draping himself slightly over the taller boy in a messy embrace. 

"Shut up, oh my god you're so annoying." Seungmin pushes him away but Jisung doesn't miss the slight pull at the corners of his mouth. "Anyway, I was serious. I was gonna go bother Old Man Chan but if you wanna leave that's cool too. You seemed really out of it earlier. Just staring at this thing like it would give you life's secrets." He grabs the can from Jisung's hand and grimaces after taking a sip, muttering something about alcohol ruining the perfectly good taste of lemonade before handing it back to Jisung.

While the offer to just bail on the party and his dare is tempting, Jisung doesn't want to give up like that. His pride and dignity are on the line here. "Oh uh, I mean, it's nothing really. Just another one of Hyunjin's weird dares, I can handle it. But thanks Seungie."

He tries to give a reassuring smile but it must have come off a bit nervous anyway because Seungmin gives him a cut-the-crap look. "Okaay, but still, you never get this worked up over his dares. What did he say to do this time? I'm sure it can't be worse than that time you licked—"

Jisung's eyes widen and he immediately slaps a hand over the taller boy's mouth. "Oh my god Seungmin, we don't talk about that. That was quite possibly the worst thing I've ever done." He groans at the memory.

Seungmin laughs and pushes his hand away. "Yeah that was pretty bad. So? It can't be as bad as that right?"

Jisung bites his lip, damn it, he was hoping Seungmin would drop it. He doesn't even know why he's getting so in his head about the dare, he's sure Minho or one of the others will be fine with it once he explains the situation. What's a brojob between bros, right? Right?

Shit, Seungmin is still waiting for an answer. Should he just tell him? He's comfortable enough with him that it wouldn't be that weird. But.. he just can't bring himself to. "Hmm… I don't know. I mean it's a little weird but at least I won't have to do this one in front of other people. No public embarrassment this time if that's what you were hoping for," he says around a grin that thankfully comes naturally.

Seungmin frowns and opens his mouth to say something when he's waved over by a smiling Jeongin. He smiles back, then turns back to Jisung, who doesn't fail to notice the light dusting of pink on his cheeks. Oh? He's definitely gonna tease Seungmin for that later. "Alright, well if you're sure you're okay I'll leave you to it but you're telling me all about this later. And if it's really that bad then don't do it, okay? Hyunjin wouldn't force you to do anything if you really don't want to." 

“I know… thanks,” Jising smiles genuinely. “Uh—completely unrelated—have you seen Minho hyung anywhere?”

Seungmin raises an eyebrow but shakes his head. “I heard from Chan that he left already. Something about his cats he said. Why?”

Jisung's heart sinks. There goes his only real hope. “No reason…” he shakes his head and puts on a smile again. “Um, I think your boyfriend's waiting.” He points to Jeongin with a small smirk.

Seungmin's ears turn scarlet as he sees who Jisung is pointing to. His head snaps back wildly. “My what— we're not—”

Jisung puts his hands up in surrender. “Okay, my bad, my bad… I didn't say anything.”

Seungmin narrows his eyes. “No, you didn't. Bye!” And he runs off in Jeongin's direction, leaving Jisung alone with his—well really Seungmin's—drink.

Jisung leans back into his corner, thoughts going rampant. Minho, his only saving grace, already left. What does he do now!? Obviously he knows Hyunjin would never force him into doing the dare if he's really uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean Jisung wouldn't be embarrassed for not being able to! And it's not that he doesn't want to, he's just… worried. Worried that it'll be too weird and awkward and Jisung really doesn't want to mess up any of his friendships. Not to mention his… limited experience. Sure, he has some experience with girls but with a guy? Obviously not. What if he's like, really, really bad??

Whatever! If Jisung is anything, he's not a coward. In a sudden rush of adrenaline, he tips his head back, downs the rest of Seungmin's drink, and seeing as all his friends are out of the question, he decides to walk over to the first male specimen he lays his eyes on. What could go wrong?

Oh. Of course everything could go wrong. He realizes his grave mistake when he notices the unmistakable head of blond hair in his vision. Felix. Pretty boy and literal innocent ball of sunshine.

Felix had recently transferred from Australia, and while he was super friendly whenever they talked, they weren't incredibly close. Not that Jisung doesn't want to be, it just takes him a while to warm up to new people. And they only share one class together. Still, they do talk a lot in that class, and he probably hasn't gotten comfortable with someone that fast since Minho hyung, Jisung realizes with some surprise.

But that wasn't the issue. From what he could tell (from a few truth or dare rounds from previous parties), Felix became really shy whenever the topic was even slightly sexual. He definitely wouldn't want to go along with Jisung's dare, and would probably be uncomfortable even talking about it. The last thing Jisung wants is to make anyone uncomfortable, least of all Felix.

He moves to turn around but it seems the blond has already noticed him approaching by the way he breaks out into a smile and waves. Jisung silently curses his dumb impulsiveness as he continues making his way to the other boy. It's fine. He can just act normal, talk with Felix for a bit and then go find someone else.

But when he arrives and sees Felix up close, Jisung's mind goes blank. With truly striking timing, the single brain cell he'd been clinging to all night decides to abandon him and he just stares for a few seconds.

Finally, his brain decides to award him a single staggering thought: Oh, he looks really pretty. 

Felix looks back at him, bright smile still reaching his eyes, which are shimmery and lightly lined with eyeliner. And oh, Jisung is just standing here like an idiot, which he is, but god, he's really been acting more idiotic than usual.

"Uh, hey Felix!" he says and cracks a hesitant smile.

"Yo, my twin! What's up?"

Jisung laughs and immediately relaxes a little. They had found out that their birthdays are only one day apart during a lame icebreaker in class. "Just… wanted to say hi. How're you liking the party? It's only, what, your second or third one here? Chan's parties are always the best."

"It's cool! And yeah, Chris—I mean, Chan hyung's like totally awesome. At first I was intimidated by him but when I found out he's a fellow Aussie I almost cried on the spot. I definitely wouldn't have adjusted as well if not for him." Felix looks away and smiles to himself, to Jisung's relief. He was admittedly having a hard time maintaining eye contact with Felix's bright eyes constantly glittering up at him.

“I know what you mean. He's saved my life more than once.” Jisung chuckles. Then he figures he should escape before he inevitably makes a fool of himself. “Uhh, anyway I just wanted to check in and say hi but I guess I'll get going…”

“So soon? I was thinking of checking in with you actually.”

Jisung blinks. “You… sorry?”

“You've just been standing over there for the past twenty minutes or so", Felix points to the corner Jisung was lurking in earlier. "Even I know that's kinda uncharacteristic of you. I was getting worried. And then you just came speeding towards me like a man on a mission."

“You were watching me that whole time!?” Jisung all but shrieks.

“Ah, um…” Felix rubs his neck. “Not the whole time but… yeah.” He shrugs, “Sorry, is that weird? I was just worried about you.”

Jisung feels his heart swell from the kindness of this boy he's not even incredibly close with. He should make an effort to talk to him more often outside of class. “No it's… it's nothing. We were playing truth or dare and Hyunjin gave me a pretty strange dare so I've just been, y'know, thinking about how to get out of it I guess." He laughs and shrugs.

Felix hums. "Is it as bad as when Hyunjin made you lick the—"

Jisung's mouth drops open and he instinctively covers Felix's mouth with his hand. "Oh my god, Felix! How do you even know about that!?"

Felix shrugs. "Your friends seem to love telling embarrassing stories about you." Jisung feels him laugh under his hand, and his face warms when he realizes where that hand still is. He quickly pulls it back and instead uses it to bury his head in, partly to hide the red on his face and partly because he, quite simply, would like the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

The universe wouldn't be so kind as to grant him that though. Jisung would have gladly spent the next thirty minutes reliving embarrassing moments in his life (unfortunately there is no shortage of these) and wanting to die but the sound of Felix giggling tempts him to peek between his fingers.

"Don't worry, they haven't told me much else," Felix says, the teasing smile remaining on his face. "But I do know about when you publicly asked Ryujin out only for her to tell you she's a lesbian—"

"Whoa, hey!" Jisung retorts, his hands now up in the air. "Yeah, that was embarrassing but it wasn't that bad! How was I supposed to know she's not into guys? Well, okay, maybe it's pretty obvious and I'm just a dumbass but still!" Jisung pouts. "Can we not talk about my failed attempts at romance anymore?"

Felix laughs. "Sure, you never told me what crazy dare you got from Hyunjin this time,” he tilts his head curiously.

Damn, Jisung almost forgot about why he's in this situation in the first place: that stupid dare that's making his mind run in circles. “Haha, well, it’s… it's nothing.” He says oh-so eloquently.

Felix pouts. “I'm so curious now. Can’t you tell me, please?”

Jisung's heart stutters a bit at the way the other's lip juts out. Cute. “I-It's just…” he sighs. How is he supposed to say no to that face? “Um.. he dared me to… to give someone here a… a handjob…?” It comes out like a question for some reason.

Felix's eyes widen. “Oh.” He pauses and Jisung feels like he already messed things up. He's just about to change the subject when Felix speaks again. “Were you… gonna ask me..? Is that why you came up to me?” he asks hesitantly.

Jisung waves his hands around frantically. “No! No, I mean—” He cringes. “Kind of..? I kind of wasn't thinking and just went to the first person I saw, but when I recognized you I changed my mind, I swear!” 

For some reason, this only makes Felix look sad. “You didn't want to because it was me..?” he asks quietly.

“I-I mean—it's just, you're—...” 

“I'm what, Jisung..?” Felix looks hurt.

Jisung doesn't know what to do. He thought he was being considerate of Felix by not wanting to do this with him but Felix seems upset?? God, what did he do!? 

“N-No, it's not you, I mean, it's not that I don't like you! I just figured you'd be uncomfortable or something so…” 

“Oh.” Thankfully, Felix seems slightly placated. “W-Well, I'm not, so…”

Jisung blinks. “Um, you're not.. What do you mean…” he laughs nervously.

“I'm not uncomfortable. I'll let you… if you want… I don't, um, mind.”

Jisungs mouth falls open and he gapes at Felix. Surely, he misheard. “A-Are you serious?”

“Mhm…” Felix nods, his face pink.

“Um.” Jisung blinks rapidly as his brain practically short circuits at what Felix is saying. He's okay with it?! Jisung swears he must be losing his mind. This is a dream, right? There's no way he would actually agree to this. His brain suddenly conjures up images of what it would be like to touch Felix in that way. Oh my god. 

Unsure if Felix notices Jisung's brain melting out of his skull, he's snapped back to reality when he hears Felix hesitantly ask, “Do you not want to..?”

“No! I mean, yes? I mean, it's just a little weird, you know? But you'd be doing me a favor I guess, so… yeah. Um, if you're sure you're okay with it?” Jisung swallows.

Felix's lips turn up slightly and he nods, effectively quelling the anxiety that had been bubbling up in Jisung's stomach. And, wow, he must be more tipsy than he thought because suddenly he thinks Felix looks even more beautiful than before.

Jisung's heart stutters inexplicably again. He nods. “Okay, let's um, go somewhere?” He grabs Felix's hand.

—

The two of them find an empty bedroom and Jisung locks the door behind them as they walk in.

Jisung shuffles onto the bed somewhat awkwardly, Felix joining him slowly. They sit like that for a few seconds and Jisung notices Felix fidgeting with his hands slightly.

Jisung decides to break the silence. "Um." Felix lifts his head. "You know you don't have to do this right? Like, really, really don't have to," he laughs nervously.

Felix nods, "Yeah I... I know, thanks." He gives a soft smile. "I guess I'm just a little nervous? I don't know." 

Jisung bites his lip. "Have you ever..?" 

Felix looks back down at his hands. “Um… a few times back in Australia but, like, not that far."

“Oh okay. You always seem so shy about the topic so I thought..”

Felix blushes slightly. “I went to a catholic school, so I'm just.. not used to talking about it so openly I guess,” he shrugs.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, I've never done this before,” Jisung admits. Felix looks up in what looks like shock. "I mean—! I mean, never with a guy. I'm uh, y'know, I'm straight."

Felix blinks for a second. He nods slowly.

"Anyway! It's not a big deal right? Are—are you sure you're still okay with this?"

“Um.. if you are.”

“Yeah, well, I'm not really the one with a choice here..” Jisung laughs. 

Felix frowns. “Of course you have a choice. Why would your friend dare you to do this anyway if you're straight?? That's kinda weird.”

“Is it..? I feel like it's… I mean, it's not really a big deal. Just a brojob between bros. It doesn't have to be weird, right?”

“A bro—...” Felix coughs out a laugh. “R-Right. If you're sure.”

Jisung nods. “Yeah. Are you?”

Felix nods as well.

"Okay, should I just, um," Jisung shifts so he's closer to Felix and reaches for the other's thigh. He's kind of at an odd angle though, so, without thinking much about it, he swings a leg over Felix so he's sitting in the other's lap.

Felix just stares up at him with wide eyes. Shit, did he make things too weird? "Uh.. is this okay?" 

Felix blinks and clears his throat. "Yeah. You can, um, start. I'll tell you if I want you to stop," he says quietly.

"Okay," Jisung whispers, afraid to break whatever strange atmosphere has settled around the two of them.

He tried to sound confident earlier but god, he doesn't know what the hell he's doing. Unable to bear looking into Felix's eyes any longer, Jisung looks down and slowly, hesitantly slides his hand up Felix's leg and presses against the front of his jeans.

Felix lets out a huff of air so Jisung does it again, working over Felix's jeans until he's breathing heavily and Jisung can feel a more prominent bulge under his fingers.

"Um should—can I take these off?"

Felix lets out a shaky breath. "Yeah."

Jisung undoes the button and pulls down the zipper almost painstakingly slowly. He can feel the younger's eyes on him but he refuses to meet them. Once it's fully unzipped, Felix shifts and lifts his hips up so Jisung can pull his pants and boxers down.

And oh my god. Jisung didn't think that he would literally ever think this about another guy's dick but it looks almost... pretty? He just stares for a few moments, unsure of how to proceed when his head feels fuzzy with radio static.

Felix shifts nervously under Jisung's gaze. "Jisung..." It's almost a whine and fuck, since when did Felix sound that pretty? He swears his name has never sounded prettier on someone else's lips.

But shit, right, Felix is right in front of him, Jisung is basically on top of him, and he's waiting for Jisung to touch him.

So he does.

As soon as he wraps his fingers around Felix and starts to move, the younger shudders and sighs quietly. Having literally no other experience, Jisung just tries to do what does on himself. He slides his hand up and down slowly, and when he swipes his thumb over the tip, Felix lets out a little moan that prompts Jisung to look at his face for the first time since they started. And oh.

Felix's eyes have fluttered shut and his eyebrows are slightly furrowed. He's flushed, mouth hanging slightly open as he draws in shallow breaths. Jisung doesn't know what to do besides stare and keep moving his hand as he tries to commit the image in front of him to memory.

Felix bites his lip and grips the sheets when Jisung goes over the head again and holy shit, he's leaking so much. Jisung doesn't really know what he's doing but he supposes he's doing it right by the way Felix is breathing heavily through his nose, lips pressed shut. Jisung wishes he wouldn't try to be quiet.

"Felix." He looks up, and fuck, Jisung didn't think this through because now Felix is looking at him, eyes dark and heavy, and Jisung hears static again.

"Yeah? Ahh—" He moans before pressing his lips and eyes shut again.

Fuck.

"Don't—don't cover your noises."

Felix looks at him with an unreadable expression that makes him think he overstepped for a second, but then he slowly nods and complies, letting out more and more of those pretty little sounds that are making Jisung lose his mind.

On one particular stroke Felix tips his head back and cries, "Fuck, Jisung, please.."

Jisung seriously thinks he might pass out. "You're so pretty."

Felix shivers and whimpers, eyes shut tightly and Jisung literally has no clue what possessed him to say that but after seeing Felix's reaction he sure isn't planning on stopping any time soon.

"So pretty." A little noise from the back of Felix's throat. He feels like he's under a spell, words just falling out of his mouth. "S-So beautiful like this, making the prettiest sounds. Baby..."

Felix gasps into Jisung's chest, cock twitching as he lets out an embarrassed keening noise. One of his hands comes up to grasp Jisung's arm for leverage. 

Until now, the hand not on Felix's cock has been just sitting on the bed, so Jisung tentatively brings it to Felix's waist. And holy fuck his waist is so small but at the same time Jisung could feel well defined abs through his shirt and how is Felix even real?

He hesitantly slips his hand under the hem of Felix's shirt, who gasps at the sudden skin contact.

"Is this okay?"

Felix nods and Jisung feels his breath catch when a small hand covers his own, guiding it further along his torso in a silent plea to keep going.

He continues to explore the expanse of Felix's body in awe as the younger drops his hand to grip at Jisung's thigh instead. He's panting heavily and letting soft moans and whimpers slip past his lips with every drag of Jisung's hands along his cock or abdomen. 

Jisung trails the hand on Felix's chest higher until he slowly, experimentally brushes over his nipple. Felix arches his back into Jisung's hand and his head tips back as he moans so fucking low in his throat it really shouldn't be possible. 

Jisung watches Felix shake under him as he rubs his thumb in circles over the nub before moving to the other one. He starts letting out desperate little whines, the stark contrast from his low moans leaving Jisung's head reeling.

"Fuck, fuck, I can't—m'gonna—" 

Jisung takes it as a sign to redouble his efforts, stroking faster until Felix is gasping, "please please, Jisung, please," and it's all Jisung can do to stare dumbly as he moans and cums in streaks of white that slide down Jisung's hand. He works him through it, pulling his hands away once the younger's breathing has calmed down a bit.

For several seconds, they just sit there, sharing heavy breaths. Unable to meet the other's eyes, Jisung stares at his hand, covered in Felix's release. He almost wants to lick it which—okay, what the fuck. He isn't going to think about where that thought came from right now.

He takes a deep breath and grabs a tissue from the nightstand.

Felix does the same. Jisung finishes wiping his hand and looks up to see that Felix is also cleaned up, and after pulling his pants back up he hides his face in his hands. 

Jisung's heart sinks. He ruined everything didn't he? "Um.. are you okay? I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable—"

Felix's head lifts up, eyes wide. "No! No, I mean, wouldn't it have been more uncomfortable for you? I'm just embarrassed," he says, cheeks red and looking to the side.

"Huh?? Why are you embarrassed?" Jisung says incredulously. If anyone should be embarrassed, it's Jisung for getting so wrapped up in the dare. Saying all those things to Felix, telling him to not be quiet, calling him baby?? He feels like he's on fire from embarrassment, hot and flushed all over.

"What do you mean? You're not the one who was just begging like a little bitch. Fuck, I'm so sorry." He drops his head back into his hands.

Jisung taps his chin thoughtfully. "You have a praise kink," he says observantly.

Felix flushes and gasps. "I do not! " He lunges forward and Jisung's not entirely sure what happened but suddenly he's on his back and Felix is on top of him and it feels good and he moans when the other boy presses into him, what the fuck?

What the fuck.

Felix stares down at him with wide eyes and Jisung's positive he's bright red right now. What the fuck, he's hard? Just from touching Felix? This was absolutely not part of the plan. What the fuck. He closes his eyes and desperately wishes for the soft bed covers to consume him so he would never have to face Felix or anyone ever again.

Alas, he hesitantly opens his eyes and Felix is still hovering on top of him. Why, why, why hasn't he moved yet? Jisung can't even try to run away. There's truly no escape, he'll just have to face this hell that he created for himself.

Right when he opens his mouth to sputter out an apology or something, he isn't really sure, Felix moves against him again and it just feels so good and Jisung fucking moans again.

Felix inhales sharply. "Sorry, oh my god I shouldn't have— Are you—? Fuck— Do you want me to like… Like I wouldn't mind if— Since y'know... But should I stop?" he stutters.

Jisung doesn't know what stupid sex hormones he's drunk on, or maybe he's still feeling tipsy from the lemonade earlier because he's struck with the vague and inexplicable urge to kiss the boy on top of him.

Or maybe that's just the effect Felix has on him.

"Kiss me..?" He mumbles and subsequently watches Felix's eyes widen along with his own. He slaps his hand over his mouth in horror.

"No wait, fuck, I didn't mean to say that, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so stupid—"

Now Felix's hand is the one to cover Jisung's stupid mouth and he squeezes his eyes shut both in embarrassment and a weird surge of arousal at the feeling of having his mouth covered which he is not going to think about right now.

"I.. can do that… if you really want me to?" Felix says while looking back and forth between Jisung's eyes, like he's searching for something.

Jisung's brain short circuits and he barely registers nodding or saying yes but he must have because it's all too fast how Felix is leaning down and their faces are inches apart and all Jisung can think about is how soft and pretty the other boy's lips look and is it normal to be thinking that—?

Felix kisses him sweetly, almost a little too sweetly considering the situation, and Jisung parts his lips instinctively. The kiss deepens quickly and Jisung gasps against the other's mouth when his thigh presses against the front of Jisung's pants.

"Is this okay still?" Felix asks gently. He looks so fucking ethereal above him like this it makes Jisung want to cry.

He nods. "Please don't stop."

Felix inhales shakily and nods before leaning back down, this time his lips attaching to Jisung's neck as his leg presses back against him.

Jisung can't help the noise that escapes him, he feels floaty already with just being touched through his clothes like this. 

“You can.. pretend I'm a girl or something,” Felix whispers as his mouth travels down his neck. Right. Right, that's probably why Jisung is feeling this way. Felix is so pretty, almost like a girl and he must be getting confused, it's only natural, right? But for some reason Jisung really really doesn't want to imagine Felix as a girl. 

“I-Is that what you did with me?” Jisung asks through a gasp as Felix bites his neck.

“Um, well, I'm bi so..” he looks up bashfully.

“Oh. Right, okay.” So Jisung's the only one who's weird here for enjoying this. Cool. He's not left much time to dwell on it because Felix's hand starts snaking down to press over Jisung's clothed dick, which at this point is embarrassingly hard and straining against his pants.

Felix toys with the button and raises his head, meeting Jisung's eyes to ask for permission. Jisung gives a little nod, nervousness and excitement bubbling together as Felix undoes the button and zipper and finally, finally, touches him for real.

Jisung hadn't realized he'd been waiting for so long.

His head falls back when Felix touches him and he's barely even doing anything yet but it feels unreal. He has the fleeting thought that maybe this is exiting platonic brojob territory and becoming something he's entirely unequipped to deal with. Maybe even since the kiss, or when he called Felix pretty, but he doesn't have the mental capacity to think too hard about it right now or even care. All his thoughts fly out the window when Felix's mouth finds his own again.

"Need you to stay quiet for me, I think I hear people outside," Felix murmurs against his lips, his voice impossibly low. Jisung hadn't even noticed he was making sounds.

"Don't want anyone else hearing you like this," Felix continues, muffling Jisung's moans with his mouth as he keeps moving his hand up and down his length slowly. Where the hell did he learn to talk like that?! The increasingly deep timbre of his voice was not doing Jisung's sanity any favors.

Felix must deem the hallway clear now because he removes his mouth from Jisung's, and Jisung is back to moaning abashedly. 

“D-Does it feel good?” Felix asks, as if he's unsure of himself. Jisung squeezes his eyes shut. Is it not obvious from the way he's reacting?

“I just—wanna make sure I'm doing okay.”

“It feels—oh god—really good.”

Felix grins shyly. “Yeah?”

Jisung brings a hand up to cover his mouth and nods. He can feel himself getting close embarrassingly fast. He starts to whine and his hips stutter a bit into Felix's hand. “Please..”

Felix leans down and presses his lips to Jisung's throat again. He bites down, not enough to leave a mark but it feels dizzyingly good nonetheless. Jisung's never had someone overpower him like this before. He feels completely at Felix's mercy. It makes him shiver.

“Jisungie, you're so…” Felix murmurs into his skin, lips trailing along his collarbone.

Jisungie. His heart wobbles at the nickname and he can't help but whine. Felix is driving him insane. “Felix I think I'm—aahh, Felix, Lix..”

He pulls away from Jisung's neck with a smack. “Yeah, Sungie?”

“C-Can you—..” he looks at Felix's lips pleadingly.

Felix immediately presses his lips to his in a passionate kiss. Jisung moans into it and before he can properly warn Felix or anything, he's cumming with a high pitched keen. If he were more aware of himself he'd be embarrassed by the noise but as it is he can't even feel his legs properly. He shakes as Felix brings him down from his high. Then they just stay there, breathing heavily against each other's mouths.

Felix moves first, taking a deep breath before leaning up and away from Jisung. He peers down at him with bated breath. Jisung just lays there, hair fanning out around him. He feels sluggish, entirely spent and he stares back at Felix like a real angel descended from heaven. He seriously wouldn't be surprised if he actually were.

His trance is broken by Felix's voice, “Are you okay?”

Jisung blinks as he registers the words. He nods and slowly sits up. Felix offers him a small smile.

Once they've cleaned up, the euphoric feeling in Jisung's gut starts slowly transforming into a deep rooted anxiety that crawls its way up his spine. Fuck. What did they just do? What the fuck is happening to him? He feels himself shrinking away from the other boy instinctually, but he catches himself and clears his throat, attempting to straighten up.

“Um.. are we bros now?” He tries to joke, but his laugh sounds forced even to him.

Felix's lip quirks up for a second but he looks at him carefully. “Is that what you want? To be bros?”

Jisung opens his mouth to say something like of course bro or yeah what else? But his throat closes up. A sudden, inexplicable feeling of fear creeps into his gut.

“Jisung?”

He feels like he's suffocating, almost choking on air as he tries to get words out. “I— I don't know what... what I want. I'm so confused right now, I…”

“Hey, it's okay—”

“N-No! No, it's not. I'm sorry, I can't—” He shakes his head and leans away from Felix. He can't shake the sinking feeling that something is very, very wrong with him. How could he let this whole thing happen? Why is he feeling like this? He feels like a fraud of himself. He doesn't know what to do, he can't even process his feelings. He just knows he needs to get away from here, now.

He stands up quickly. Felix reaches for him but he's already crossing the room in long strides. As he twists the doorknob, he glances back to see Felix sitting with a hurt and confused expression before he shuts the door behind him.

Fuck. Jisung still can't breathe. He feels like it's only getting worse now that he's out in the open where people could see him. At least the hallway is currently empty, and he stumbles down it, not sure where he's going but just needing to get away. 

He staggers into an empty room. At least, he thought it was empty, but as he crosses the doorway he's met with a pair of familiar eyes on a head of long blond hair.

“Hyunjin,” he says wobbly.

Hyunjin's eyes go wide when he sees the shaky state Jisung is in. “Jisung? What's wrong?”

That's when Jisung breaks down. Tears start streaming down his cheeks in rivulets. “I h-hate you! Why'd you make me do that??”

“Whoa, hey…” Hyunjin reaches for him and pulls Jisung to sit beside him. “I'm so sorry, Sung… Please calm down and tell me what's going on?”

“The dare, you idiot. I did your stupid dare!”

Understanding and a flash of regret click in Hyunjin's eyes. “...Ah.”

“Everything was fine. Now everything is.. I don't even know.” Jisung cries, pressing his hands into his eyes.

Hyunjin rubs his back soothingly. “Okay, shh, let's calm down first… So you did the dare? Can I ask who you did it with?”

Jisung sniffs as he tries to calm his breathing. “It was F-Felix.”

“Fe-lix?” Hyunjin repeats. “The kid from Australia?” Jisung nods. “Oh, Jisung…”

“I-It's your fault! You dared me, and then you were all like ‘I'll know if you don't do it’. What the hell!”

“God, I'm sorry Jisung. I wasn't thinking… I was just being dramatic, I'm not omniscient. How would I know if you did it or not?”

“I don't know, you just…”

Hyunjin sighs. “Okay, let's relax. First, did he hurt you? I'll kick his beautiful, angelic ass if he did anything to you.”

Jisung cracks a smile in spite of himself and shakes his head.

Hyunjin's face softens. “Then what happened..?”

“I… I don't know, he made me so… confused..”

One of Hyunjin's eyebrows lifts. “...He made you confused,” he deadpans.

“Like… like…” Jisung grips his hair. “God! I don't even know! Am I normal? I don't feel normal. I think something's wrong with me. I.. I don't understand what's happening.”

Hyunjin wipes the tears on his cheeks. “Why do you think something’s wrong with you?” he asks gently.

“Th-there's— I— I think I liked it too much,” Jisung whispers.

“You liked what? …touching Felix?”

Jisung cringes. “Y-Yes, which is so weird already, but then he— you don't understand, he also— touched m-me, and I liked it, so much, like— which is so weird— it scares the shit out of me— I a-asked him to kiss me, like, like a psychopath or something, he probably thought I was so creepy b-but he was so nice and so pretty and… I don't know what to do… Hyunjin I feel like I'm— like this isn't normal.”

Hyunjin just presses his lips together and nods, encouraging Jisung to continue.

“Like… like… he's a guy. Like yeah, he's objectively pretty but he's… he said to pretend he was a girl but I didn't, I don't think I even wanted to, but, like, I'm—I'm straight, right? I mean… I mean, yeah, it's not like I suddenly— I like girls! I know I like girls so why… like I shouldn't enjoy t-touching another guy right? That's…” Jisung shakes his head with wide, teary eyes. “I'm not like, gay.”

Hyunjin winces but he looks at him with something akin to pity. “Ouch dude, you know I'm gay, right? You're not… broken or anything, I promise this is normal Jisung.”

Jisung sighs into his hands. “Fuck. I know. God, I-I’m sorry, I didn't mean it like that… I just mean like.. there's no way I'm… like shouldn't I have known by now? I'm not, like a teenager anymore. I just.. I like… girls… it doesn't make sense, why is this happening now?” 

“It's okay, you can still like girls, you can like both. Even if you don't, that's still okay. Okay? It's not… there's not a predefined time when you realize this stuff. Some people live their whole lives in denial. This is normal. You're normal.”

Jisung nods. “R-Right, of course I can still like girls. So, maybe I'm like… bisexual or something? But honestly I've never—” He presses his fingers against his eyelids. “I mean, I don't think— but maybe? N-No I've never... But it's not like I see Felix as a girl, I mean, I touched his dick a-and he— his voice is like… crazy, I don't even know— B-But I've definitely never liked boys before so how would I suddenly—?”

Hyunjin rubs his shoulders. “It's okay. You don't have to figure it all out right now. Take your time. I'm here for you, okay?”

“I'm scared, Hyunjin,” he whispers.

Hyunjin's face breaks and he sighs. “I know. I'm sorry. I think I gave you that dare so you'd have an awakening or something but that was stupid. I didn't think… I hate seeing you like this.”

“Wha—... huh?? So you knew I'm maybe not super straight even before this?!”

Hyunjin bites his lip. “I didn't really know. I just had a feeling. And honestly, I wasn't expecting you to actually do it.”

Jisung's jaw drops, momentarily forgetting his anxiety. “You weren't expecting me to— Hyunjin! How could you think so low of me!”

“Okay, sorry! I shouldn't have dared you to do that knowing you'd be crazy enough to actually do it.” Jisung hits his arm. “It was more just to get you thinking about it!”

“You're crazy.”

“I'm smart. My gaydar is never wrong,” he taps the side of his head. “And I clocked you the day we met but you said you were straight... I was probably too tipsy earlier and figured I'd test you a little. That's all. I'm really sorry. I feel terrible for causing you this much stress.”

Jisung sighs. “It's okay. I just can't believe— how did you know? None of this makes sense…”

Hyunjin shrugs. “Like I said… I'm smart.” Jisung hits him again. “Okay, okay! But maybe this is good? Learning things about yourself?”

Jisung swallows. “Right… learning things…” he sighs. “I just—I screwed it up with him didn't I? I ran away. I just left him there.”

“You didn't screw it up. You're literally having a full blown identity crisis! He'll understand if you explain it to him.”

“But, what if he doesn't want to listen, or he already hates me, or… you should've seen his face when I left, oh god, I'm a horrible person—”

“Shh. Jisung. Do you like him?”

Jisung's face burns. “T-That's— I don't—”

“I mean, do you care about him? As a friend?”

“Of course,” Jisung pouts.

“Then you should talk to him. I wouldn't be surprised if he's still here. Just explain what happened, that you're going through a lot but you don't hate him. Right?”

Jisung nods. “Right, I—You're right. I don't want him to think that I find him gross or something, oh my god.”

“He's probably just confused too. Don't worry. Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I… I think I'm okay now. Thanks though.” He stands up and touches his face. “D-Do I look like I've been crying?”

Hyunjin smiles sympathetically. “A little, but he'll understand. Go before he leaves!”

Jisung nods and runs for the door. He pauses there and turns around.

“Hyunjin?”

“Hm?”

“I'm sorry for yelling at you.”

He waves him off. “It's okay, I kind of deserved it I think. We're good, okay? Now, go!”

Jisung doesn't need to be told twice. He's out the door in seconds and practically sprinting his way back to the room he left Felix in.

“...God, it's so hard being right all of the time,” Hyunjin sighs.

—

Felix isn't there.

The room is empty. Felix isn't here.

Oh god. What if he already left and he's avoiding him and Jisung will never be able to talk to him and Felix will think he hates him and—

He takes a deep breath. He shouldn't jump to conclusions. He has Felix's number, he should just text him. He pulls out his phone.

He paces around the room as he waits for his phone to light up. After a few minutes of nothing he sends a couple more messages and sighs. Maybe Felix is still at the party somewhere? Should he look for him?

Yeah, he decides, he needs to talk to Felix and make sure he's okay. Make sure they're okay. He can't stand the thought that Felix might think he hates him. It couldn't be farther from the truth.

Jisung paces out of the room and begins scouring every room for the familiar head of blond hair. But he's nowhere to be seen. Jisung tries not to cry. He's just about to loop around to where he started when he's stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He jumps. Felix?

“Jisung? Are you okay?” No, of course it's not. Jisung turns to face the familiar voice. 

“Seungmin,” he breathes shakily.

Seungmin gently places both hands on Jisung's shoulders. “What happened? You look frantic. What's going on?”

That's it. Jisung breaks down in tears. Again. He hates crying in front of another one of his friends but he can't help himself right now.

Seungmin looks alarmed. “Did someone do something? Are you hurt?” Jisung shakes his head. Seungmin sighs in relief. Then, his eyebrows draw together. “Wait, does this have to do with that dare?” 

Jisung hesitates, before nodding. 

Seungmin exhales. “Okay, we're leaving, okay? You can tell me about it on the way home if you want. Or not, but I don't think this place is very conducive to your wellbeing right now.”

Jisung nods and lets Seungmin guide him through the halls and crowds until they're outside. And he's right. As soon as he steps out of the claustrophobic walls he feels like he can breathe easier again. He sighs and wipes the last of the tears off his face.

Seungmin lets go of his hand. “You feeling better?” he asks.

“Yeah. Thanks, I.. guess I needed to get out of there.”

Oh, right. He should text Felix and let him know he's leaving, just in case he really is still at the party somewhere. He pulls out his phone. Seungmin looks at him, a question clearly painted on his face, but he stays quiet.

Jisung sighs after hitting send and stuffs his phone in his pocket again. Seungmin looks at him searchingly. “What happened…?”

Jisung bites his lip. His immediate instinct is deflect, deflect, deflect, but he really should tell Seungmin. He deserves to know. Jisung explains the whole situation on the way back to their dorm, from the dare to his conversation with Felix, to his panic in the aftermath and talk with Hyunjin. Seungmin listens quietly, intently. Jisung leaves out the details of what actually happened with Felix, but it's hopefully enough for Seungmin to get the picture.

When Jisung finally finishes, Seungmin blows out a long puff of air, his cheeks puffing up. “Wow. I don't even… Damn. That's crazy.”

Jisung leans his head back and groans with his hands over his face. “I know. What do I even do now?”

“Flee the country.” Seungmin says matter of factly. Jisung huffs out a laugh. “Sorry. I'm shit at giving advice. But I know Felix. He doesn't seem like the type of person who wouldn't at least hear you out, you know? Don't stress too much.”

“Then why is he ignoring me??” Jisung frowns.

“There's so many possibilities, dude. He might be feeling equally as overwhelmed right now or his phone could be dead or he might just not have checked yet. It hasn't even been that long. Give him time.” Seungmin, ever the voice of reason.

“Yeah… yeah, you're right. I'm just—I don't know. I don't even know.”

“I'm always right.” Seungmin, ever the voice of arrogance. “It'll be fine, Jisung.”

“Okay… Just know, if you're wrong I will come crying to you.”

Seungmin's lips curl up. “I'm always right. But okay, sure.” He pauses. “Honestly, I'm surprised you even did the dare, I even gave you an easy escape and everything.”

Jisung lets out a loud sigh. “I don't even know, man. Maybe a part of me, like, wanted to… I'm so confused about everything to be honest.”

Seungmin hums. “This is kind of life altering shit you're going through. You're handling it pretty well, all things considered.”

Jisung's looks at him, lips forming an ‘o’. “You think?”

He nods, “I think I'd have broken down or something by now if it were me.”

“I'm—well, I'm trying not to. I guess I went through most of the whole breakdown freakout thing with Hyunjin. I'm just trying not to think about it too hard right now I guess.”

“That's fair. Don't rush it. Uh, and I'm here if you ever wanna... talk or whatever,” Seungmin waves his hand around.

Jisung smiles. “Thanks, Min. Seriously.”

“Yeah, yeah…” he says but he mirrors his smile.

—

The next morning, Jisung wakes up feeling more refreshed than he expected. He doesn't feel great, but at least he doesn't feel like his whole life and everything he thought he knew about himself is turning upside down like yesterday. That's something.

As much as he was glued to his phone last night, waiting for a message from Felix, he doesn't want to check his phone right now, scared of what he might (or might not) see. Everything feels more real now, outside of the illusionary haze of last night, and he's just not ready to face anything yet.

Instead, he busies himself with mindless tasks, like brushing his teeth and pouring a bowl of his favorite hangover cereal. He's not even hungover, he didn't drink that much, but he just needs that extra emotional support right now. It helps, he thinks.

Eventually, he has to face reality. His phone looms at him from his bedside table, facedown but glaring at him. Jisung sighs and reluctantly picks it up. 

He cringes a little when he sees the multiple notifications from his messenger app. There's a text from Seungmin saying he's out studying with a friend but to let him know if he needs anything. Studying the morning after a party? Nerd. But Jisung smiles at the kind gesture and types out a quick reply saying thanks but he'll be fine.

And.. there's a little number by Felix's contact name too. He doesn't even want to open it. He wants to crawl back into bed and hide for the rest of the day. He wishes this had all happened yesterday when he was still in the moment and running on adrenaline.

But this is a good thing! Felix isn't ignoring him. This is good. Jisung takes a deep breath and clicks into the message.

He breathes out slowly. Okay.. Felix doesn't seem angry? He wants to meet up at least. Or what if he's just waiting until they're in person to unleash everything and tell Jisung to never talk to him again? God, he can't tell.

He doesn't want to respond. Okay, no, he needs to respond. He's the one who texted first anyway. Fuck, this is scary though.

He takes another deep breath to steady himself before carefully typing out a reply.

Jisung's heart races when Felix's reply comes in within only a couple minutes. Thank god Felix doesn't seem creeped out at coming over. Jisung quickly agrees to the time and texts Felix his dorm and room number.

Then he waits. After sufficiently freaking out for an hour, stress cleaning and everything, Jisung hears a knock at the front door. Oh fuck. He's so not ready.

Regardless, he trudges over to the door. He takes a deep breath before unlocking and opening the door. 

Felix is standing there, bundled up for the chilly weather in a jacket but also sporting a pair of loose ripped jeans, which Jisung thinks is pretty contradictory. How are you gonna put so many layers on and then just have holes in your pants? How does that make sense? One hole above the knee is large enough that Jisung can literally see the outline of Felix's thigh. 

“Um… hi…” Jisung's eyes snap up. Wait, what was he even doing just now? He wasn't like… checking Felix out or something, right? No, that's absurd. Felix's torn up pants are absurd, and that's all he was thinking. About his pants. His jeans. 

“Hi,” Jisung replies awkwardly. Why is this so awkward? They haven't even said anything yet. God. “Sorry, um, come in?” He gestures and holds the door open.

Felix murmurs a soft “thanks” as he cautiously steps inside and looks around a bit.

“Um, thanks for coming…” Jisung starts. “Seungmin— my roommate isn't here right now. But we can go to my room if you want?”

Felix's eyes suddenly light up. “Seungmin? Kim Seungmin? Tall, funny, braces?”

Jisung blinks. “Yeah, what? You know him? Wait, you think he's funny?” He wrinkles his nose.

“Yeah! Well, maybe at my own expense… We're partners in this cooking class I'm taking.”

Jisung starts walking and leads Felix in the direction of his room as his eyebrows furrow. “A cooking—? No way. Seungmin can't cook.” 

Felix giggles. “Oh, I know. I swear it's actually contagious or something because suddenly I start forgetting basic things like how to use a mixer just by being near him. I think it's a curse.”

Jisung laughs, eternally grateful for the lighthearted shift in the atmosphere, the tense and awkward air dissipating. Talking with Felix is just like that, so easy. “Yeah, I keep him out of our kitchen for his own good. I had no idea he was taking a cooking class though, what the hell?”

Felix hums. “Maybe he's trying to improve?”

“Or he's just trying to cause chaos. And from what you said, it seems like it's working.” Jisung shakes his head as they step into his room.

“Maybe…” Felix mumbles, but his focus has shifted elsewhere. He takes in Jisung's room, seeming to observe every visible corner: anime posters on the wall and an acoustic guitar in the corner and the stuffed animals on his bed. Jisung blushes, suddenly grateful for his stress-induced tidying of every nook and cranny. He hadn't realized how intimate it can be letting someone new into his space like this. This is Felix's first time in his room.

Felix. In his room. Why does it feel weird? 

It doesn't, does it? Jisung is the only one making it weird. It's not weird for friends to hang out in each other's rooms. That's literally extremely normal. But still… Jisung usually waits until he's way closer with people before letting them in his room. He can't place the anxious feeling swirling in his gut.

“I like your room,” Felix says softly. “It's like how I imagined.”

“W-What does that mean??”

“It's a compliment! It's very you.”

“Okay well… thanks,” Jisung mumbles. Has Felix really imagined his room before? How close are they that Felix knows enough about Jisung to think it's very him? He pushes the thoughts aside. 

“So…” He sighs. Here comes the awkward again. But he can't avoid this forever. “Can we talk?” 

Felix nods. “…‘Course,” he says, leaning against the bed slightly. Jisung motions for him to sit down on it and follows suit, since there isn't much else seating in his room. “If you want to!” he stutters out but Felix just smiles and sits down on the bed. On Jisung's bed. Okay, cool, this is fine.

They face each other. “So….” Jisung starts, looking down at his hands in his lap. “I just wanted to apologize. I mean, I feel like we were acting pretty normal just now, and I'm really grateful for that, but you still deserve like, I don't know, an explanation? Or something? So yeah.”

Felix nods silently.

Jisung takes that as his cue to continue. “Right, so, yesterday, it was a dare, right? That wasn't a lie. Me and Hyunjin actually like, talked about it afterwards and we're cool by the way. Just in case you thought—well, I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. Um…” He takes a deep breath. “I mean, you were really nice about the whole thing and then I just left… kind of suddenly. That was really mean. I… I mean, you looked hurt too. Which, like, fair. That was a dick move. Um…”

Felix's voice is gentle, “Okay, hey, I get it, I'm not actually mad—”

Jisung finally looks up. “But you should be. Y-You're not mad? I would be mad. I mean, maybe not mad but confused? Frustrated? I— I kind of feel like it came across like I was… using you or something. I don't know. But that's not… Honestly I'm just really confused right now because—”

“Stop.”

Jisung blinks. “What?”

“Stop, I… I want to apologize too.”

“For what?!”

“For agreeing to it! I shouldn't have cus I…” He shakes his head. “And I kind of pushed you to tell me about the dare. You didn't seem comfortable. And I definitely should've stopped when you said you're straight... I-I was selfish.”

“Selfish?” Jisung repeats. “What?”

Felix sighs. “I agreed cus I was being selfish… Just, selfish reasons. I shouldn't have.”

“What does that even…? Dude, you're not selfish, if anyone is it's me for basically roping you into doing that for me and then leaving you high and dry like…”

Felix shakes his head. “That's not… you don't get it. I am selfish. Even being here right now… Selfish. Stupid.”

Jisung can't even begin to comprehend how that makes sense. “What…?”

“Jisung… Fuck, fine — I-I like you.”

“You like me?” Jisung mimics.

“…Yeah.”

Then it clicks. “Wait, oh. You like… like, like me?”

“...Well, that's good. I was worried it was super obvious for no reason.”

Jisungs mouth must be hanging open. “I... Are you serious?”

Felix laughs nervously. “Does it seem like I'm joking?”

“N-No but… I don't know. Oh my god. Shut up, I'm freaking out.”

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, I know you're straight—”

“That's the thing. I'm not— Just, just, wait a second, oh my god. Oh my god.”

“Jisung…” Felix bites his lip. “I'm sorry, we can just pretend I never said that and go back to normal, please, I promise.”

Jisung puts his hands over his face. “No, shut up… shut up, just wait a second, please. Please just wait.”

Jisung can't see him but Felix at least goes quiet and Jisung can think. He breathes for a few seconds. In and out. In and out.

“…I think I like you too. Like, like like you… so much. Like way more than just bros. But I don't know what that fucking means.”

Jisung's heart is beating out of his chest. He hears a catch of breath. Silence. Then a soft whispered, “What do you mean Jisung, are you sure?”

“Yes, I mean, no, but— I feel something, and this isn't normal, so—”

He feels gentle fingers pulling at his wrists. “Jisung, look at me.” He lets Felix pull his hands down off of his face, which he's sure must be burning red. “It's okay. I don't want you to like… pity me or something. I'm really okay even if you don't like me like that.”

Jisung shakes his head. “N-No, I'm not pitying you Felix, I swear. I really, really—” He swallows. “Even like, your hands just on my wrists right now, making me feel like— I- I don't know,” he breathes.

Felix immediately drops his wrists. “I'm sorry,” he says genuinely.

But that's not what Jisung wanted. “No! I liked it.” He reaches for Felix's hands and interlaces his fingers in his, immediately setting off butterflies in his stomach. “I like this..”

Felix swallows and squeezes his hand a little. “But anyone can like holding hands with anyone, that doesn't mean—”

“But it's not just that. We— Felix, we kissed. I… asked you to kiss me. Did you forget that? And we did… m-more obviously. I liked it.” The more Jisung tries to explain to Felix the more he feels like he's understanding and accepting his own feelings. “That's why I ran away. I was so… confused and.. and scared I guess, cus.. I've never felt… with a guy.”

“I didn't forget,” Felix whispers. “I believe you. I know it's scary. I-I went through it too. Just— Are you sure? I really… I don't wanna get my hopes up if…”

“Can I kiss you?” Jisung blurts out. “Then I'll be sure. I… You can definitely say no.”

Felix closes his eyes and looks to be in some kind of mental anguish for a few seconds. “Yes, okay…” he breathes.

Jisung squeezes the other's hand, still interlaced with his own. He leans in a little. “A-Are you sure?” he asks quietly.

“Yes, yes, please…” Felix says under his breath while leaning in a little as well. That's all Jisung needs before he's closing his eyes and swooping in to close the distance between them. 

It's like magic. Right at the moment their lips press Jisung has his answer. His stomach flips and it feels so different from last night where he was letting Felix have control. He keeps it going for a little longer, not really moving his lips but just pressing into the kiss for a few more seconds, relishing in the way it feels.

When he finally pulls away, Felix's eyes are closed, forehead drawn in as if he's the one going through a crisis right now. 

“Felix?”

“What? Please don't say you were wrong. I mean… I mean, of course that's fine but—”

“Felix. I liked it… Oh wait, so I actually like you? Oh my god—”

Felix's eyes fly open. “You really…? You're serious?”

Jisung nods, eyes equally as wide as his.

“Are you sure? Yesterday I can get over, but this feels too real. I don't think I can handle if— I mean, god, sorry, I know you're figuring things out but—”

“Yes. Well, I— I'm still confused about other things but… I'm pretty sure—I mean this feels pretty much exactly like when I have a crush on a girl. So..?” 

“Okay. Okay, sorry. It's not that I don't believe you, I just—I really wasn't prepared for this. But I get it, really.” He takes a deep breath in and out. “So you… you really like me? Really, really?”

Jisung nods shyly. “Um.. really, really. I think more than I realized.”

Felix blushes. “Right, so… I mean, I don't want to be too forward but..? And maybe you're not ready and that's totally okay. But do you wanna..? I mean if we both like each other then… doesn't it make sense if we…”

Jisung squeezes his hand encouragingly. “What are you trying to say?”

“I'm saying—and again, you can say no if this is too fast—but I'm saying… Do you want to… try being my boyfriend…?” He peeks up at Jisung nervously.

Jisung's heart stutters in his chest. He doesn't really have to think about his answer. Even if his brain is telling him it's a little scary, his heart is giving him an answer clear as day. “Yes, y-yes, I want that… to be your… boyfriend.”

Felix flashes a shy, relieved smile. “Yeah?”

“Y-Yeah. Oh my god, a boyfriend. You're my boyfriend? I have a boyfriend?” Jisung presses his hands against the sides of his face, squishing his cheeks.

Felix giggles a little. “Mhm, that's okay right? It feels okay?”

“Yes, I like it, it's a little weird but I really like how that sounds. A boyfriend. My boyfriend.”

Felix blushes. “Ah, stop saying it like that, it's embarrassing…”

Jisung shakes his head. “Can I kiss you again?”

Felix smiles and responds in the form of crashing their lips together. Jisung gasps. It's more intense than the one they previously shared but still very sweet and gentle. Felix's lips are so soft.

Jisung tilts his head to deepen the kiss. “I like you so much,” he mumbles against Felix's mouth between kisses. “Maybe for a while… I always… wanted you to like me… tried to impress you…”

Felix makes a quiet sound and suddenly Jisung feels wetness on his cheeks. “Are you…? Felix?” Jisung pulls away, and sure enough, there are tears pooling under Felix's eyes. Jisung looks at him with concern. “What's wrong?”

Felix ducks his head but smiles, and it's enough to quell Jisung's worries that he did something wrong. “S-Sorry—God, this is embarrassing. I-I don't know why I'm crying. I'm really happy, I promise.”

“Okay. Don't worry about it.” Jisung gently grabs Felix's face and wipes the tears from his cheeks. As he presses the skin below his eyes, an array of tiny dots start appearing, speckling his face. Jisung furrows his eyebrows. “Huh—? Do you have freckles..?”

The skin under his fingers turns pink and Felix squirms his head out of his grasp. “Nooo…”

Jisung gently grabs his face again. “No, let me see, please.” He swipes his thumbs along the other's cheeks, smudging more makeup away.

Felix sighs and seems to relent. “I don't like them…” he mutters.

Jisung is appalled. “Are you serious? Why not?”

Felix shrugs. “I dunno, just looks.. messy? And no one else here has them,” he says with a frown.

Jisung shakes his head. “They're so pretty. You're so pretty. How could you hide these? God, it's like everything little thing about you is so pretty, how is that even possible??”

“Stoooop,” Felix giggles, blushing bright red now. “They're not.. I'm not…”

“You are. You literally turned me gay or something,” he jokes. “That has to count for something.”

Felix laughs, but then his expression turns more serious. “Did I really—? I mean, you think you're gay?”

“Uh—No, I just said that. I don't know. I'm still so fucking confused,” Jisung tries to laugh it off nervously.

Felix nods. “If you wanna talk about it… no pressure of course, but I kind of went through something similar so… just, I'm here for you.”

“Thank you,” Jisung whispers. “Well, I-I think I've been trying not to think about it too much. It's scary,” he admits.

“I know. You're really brave, you know Jisung? It took me like, months—years even?—before I understood and accepted myself.”

“Yeah, but I'm sure that was years ago, right? Why is this happening to me now? Like… I've always liked girls. I don't think that's… yeah, I definitely still like girls. That's all fine. But I've literally never liked boys until now?” Jisung sighs. “Well—maybe—maybe not. I've been thinking, and like, I guess there were guys that I… really admired and… I really wanted them to like me too. To think I'm cool or funny or something. And like, yeah, I felt nervous around them, but I just kind of thought they were intimidating. But maybe…? Is that..? Were those crushes?”

Felix grabs his hand and squeezes it gently. “Maybe. It kind of sounds like it.” He pauses. “Even if they weren't, and I'm the first guy you like, that's okay too. Honestly, that would be hella flattering,” he smiles. “I don't think sexuality is like... It isn't such a rigid thing. It can be more fluid for some people, you know? It's not just black and white. If your feelings are real then that's all that matters, yeah?”

“Y-Yeah. It's just weird. I'm like so past that stage. Why didn't teenage me figure this out?” He huffs out a laugh.

“There's no set timeline for this stuff. It happens differently for everyone, right? And if you don't want to think about it right now you don't have to. You can just like whoever feels natural for you. No need to think about what box you fit into or anything like that.”

“I think I just like you,” Jisung whispers.

Felix's lips quirk up. “Yeah? That's so cute.”

Jisung is sure his face goes red. “Sh-shut up…”

“Never,” Felix grins. “No, but it's okay. You don't have to label yourself, now or ever. You don't have to be gay, or straight, or bi, or... or anything in between. You can just… be, and that's enough.”

Jisung feels tears prick his eyes. He really has no clue why he's getting emotional over this, but somehow Felix is saying exactly what he didn't know he needed to hear. “Okay, but what about Felixsexual?” He jokes.

“Pfft— then I'm Jisungsexual, okay?”

Jisung's heart feels lighter than it's ever been. He giggles. “Okay.”

—

After calming down, and both their tears are wiped away, the two of them spend a couple hours just talking and cuddling, making up for what feels like so much lost time. Seriously, why didn't they become closer friends sooner? Jisung mentally kicks himself for not being more proactive in befriending him. They click so well. Jisung is so glad Felix seems to love skinship as much as he does, they both initiate it easily and it just instantly feels natural. So easy, just like everything between them.

Eventually, they move to the living room to watch something. After only just a few minutes of scrolling through Netflix, the front door opens. Jisung looks up.

“Oh, hey Seungmin. How was your study sesh?”

“Hey. Uh, fine. Is this a bad time…?” Seungmin asks, glancing at Felix and looking at Jisung curiously.

“No, it's a great time. Seungmin, say hi to my, uh, boyfriend..?” Jisung falters saying that to someone else for the first time and it comes out like a question.

Seungmin doesn't seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn't care. “Oh, so you worked it out? I'm glad. Congrats.” He turns to Felix. “I'm Seungmin.”

Felix laughs. “Dude, I'm insulted. I thought we were mates? Does being stove partners mean nothing to people these days?”

Seungmin cracks a smile. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

Jisung jumps up in his seat. “Oh yeah! Seungmin, you're taking a freaking cooking class? Who are you??”

Seungmin shrugs. “I had extra space in my schedule.”

Felix sighs. “I wish I had extra space. I would take another class with Jisung.”

“Aww, what?” Jisung looks at him fondly.

“Seriously. Why do we only have one class together? How am I gonna handle that now that we're together?”

Jisung giggles. “If you had extra time wouldn't it be better to just spend time together and not take an extra class, silly?”

“Oh yeah, I guess. Are you sure you'd be okay with that Sungie?” Felix grins and nuzzles his head into Jisung's shoulder, cuddling into him playfully.

Sungie? Oh, Jisung's done for. He giggles again and kicks his feet (like a fucking schoolgirl or something, embarassing). “Only if you promise to binge watch my favorite animes. And make cookies with me!”

Seungmin makes a gagging sound. “...Ugh, I take back everything I said. You two together are more energy than I can reasonably tolerate. Goodbye.” He throws his hand up in a wave and starts walking to his room. He pauses in his doorway and turns around. “Oh and please for the love of god, no funny business when I'm here. I'm happy for you but not that happy.” 

Jisung turns red and he hears Felix choke on air. “Seungmin!” 

“What? You already did stuff and you weren't even dating yet. I can't trust you guys.”

Jisung throws a cushion at him. “Didn't you say bye already? Bye!!”

Seungmin rolls his eyes and throws up a peace sign before turning around and closing his door.

Jisung glances at Felix, who's equally as red-faced. They stare at each other for a few seconds before both breaking out into giggles.

Yeah, Jisung thinks he'll be alright.

—

[4 weeks later]

—

—

a/n: take a shot every time you see the word 'like' (u will die). if u made it this far THANK U SOOO MUCH FOR READING WOW! this is my first fic and it's very dear to my heart.. i'm nervous about posting it asdajfjk. any feedback would be super super appreciated! i'd love to hear your thoughts (^o^) idk how active i'll be here but i've been in a writing mood recently so keep an eye out maybe? again tysm for reading!! ♡

[inbarfink]

I'm pretty sure my very first post about 'Fionna and Cake' was about pointing out this line in "Fionna Campbell"

Is a reference to "I Remember You", where Marceline said that very same line to Ice King

At the time I just took it as another little bit of Foreshadowing for the connection between Fionnaworld and Simon.

But now that we've established a bit more about Cake's plights, and I started thinking more about this... I wonder if this line is meant to highlight the ways in which Simon's struggles under the Curse of the Magic Crown and Cake's struggles after having her Magic taken away from her kinda mirror each other.

You know, turning into Ice King took away Simon's mind and ability to reason (by pumping his brain full of Madness and Sadness) and his ability to communicate (by tanking his already-kinda-awkward communication skills) and even kinda took away his body.

And becoming an ordinary cat did all of these things for Cake as well - took away her mind and ability to reason (by giving her an intelligence closer to a regular housecat) and her ability to communicate (by making her unable to speak or even comprehend human speech)

And taking away her voice and the Stretchy body that is clearly the one she feels most comfortable with.

And ... so what happened in that scene back in IRY is Ice King, in the middle of writing a love song about Princess Bubblegum, suddenly has a moment of Clarity about how lonely and miserable he is. Enough Clarity to know that he's unfathomably sad and that there's something Wrong with him that's sabotaging all of his relationship - but not enough clarity to know what it is. So he just... has a total breakdown

Lashing out and throwing ice magic anywhere. Then Marceline, uncomfortable and worried about Ice King's behavior, tackles him and says the Line.

Meanwhile, in the first episode of 'Fionna and Cake'...

Both Fionna and Cake feel like there's something off about their lives, But Fionna can at least articulate it better as like, general ennui or a quarter-life crisis, rather than Cake's little housecat mind not really comprehending or capable of fully expressing what she's feeling at all.

Leading to concerning behavior such as her apparently not eating for the last three days.

And suddenly, she has her moment of Clarity. She sees these Portal Sparkles and she seems to know on some level that they'll do something good for her. Especially as she tries to shove her head in the ice

And later is shown obsessed with ice in general - even without the sparkles directly being around.

On some level, Cake understands the mechanics of the Portal Sparkles better than Fionna does - but on all other levels she's still a housecat and probably has no idea what is going on with her own mind as well.

And from Fionna's perspective she's just acting weird and spreading ice all over the house and lashing out at her in her confusion over her own feelings.

I think, perhaps whatever part of Simon's subconscious has subtle control over Fionnaworld noticed the similarities between Cake's situation and his own memories of being the Ice King - and thus, Marceline's old words coming out of Fionna's mouth.

The similarities don't end there, either. Cake and Simon both have to go through a lot grief with people still treating them as their old selves. General folks in Ooo treating Simon like Ice King

And Fionna's tendency to be overprotective of Cake even though Cake is now an incredibly OP shapeshifter and Fionna's still just an athletic human

And to speak for her even though she can speak for herself now

And sometimes kinda condescending to her about her own judgement

All make Cake feel, and not unjustifiably so, that Fionna still sees her as her old self, as a Housecat. She literally says so in the same episode where Fionna and Cake's friendship is tested the most.

And Cake's anxious desire to bring Magic into her world even after it was confirmed that she can at least stay as herself in Fionnaworld, I think that's also a mirror of Simon's anxieties. Simon felt like he, an ordinary non-magical man, could never truly fit in within the wacky and magical world of Ooo

And Cake might've been afraid of the same being true in reverse about being a Magical Cat in the least Magical world in the whole multiverse. At the very least she must've been worried about being forced to pretend to be a non-magical cat again like Simon tried to make her do back in Farmworld.

(Remember how her failure to pull this off almost got her eaten?)

And in the end, the resolution to both of these mirror dilemma was... kind of the same? Well, sort of. Fionnaworld now has a bit more of the Magic and Weirdness in it but it's not like Simon made Mainworld Ooo less wacky. But even with that extra bit of Multiverse Wackiness going on in Fionnaworld now... if the Normal Guy can get along among the strange and magical creatures

The Magical Cat can get along with all the normal and mundane people.

[lizard-on-a-window-pane]

can i request Remus x best friend!reader where they have a fight and it leads to them confessing their feelings? would love angst with either fluff or smut ending

i hope you like it!! thank you for requesting the boy and trope i was just in the mood for! (btw i don't do smut for anon requests, but happily post it as anon if you've messaged me so i know it's not for a minor)

pairing: Remus x reader

tags: best friends to lovers, angst, fluff, keeping up with my bookish! Remus and reader fixation, gn 

word count: 2.7k

“Hi,” you whisper into his neck as his arms squeeze around you.

“Hey.” He smiles as he pulls back from your greeting hug. “How are you?” he asks as you begin walking, leaving his arm around your shoulders. 

“Good. I had the craziest dream last night; I was pretty disappointed to wake up to be honest,” you begin enthusiastically. “Till you remembered you had plans with me, right?”

You playfully nudge Remus from within his embrace, and though rolling your eyes as you do, you say, “Obviously,” with a smirk. 

“Great,” he chuckles. “Now that we’ve cleared that up, you can tell me about the dream.” You laugh together as you delve into it on your walk to the bookshop.

You and Remus are browsing — reading the blurbs, looking at the cool covers and curated shelves and tables, laughing lightheartedly, chatting about the ones you’d each read already or wanted to read next. It’s nice, one of your preferred ways of spending an afternoon: one of your favourite places, with your favourite person. 

“Alright,” you tell him seriously. “Time for the painful bit.” You plop your stack of selections in front of him. He gives them an exaggeratedly serious stare.

“Hm. How many do we have to cut it down to?” 

“Three,” you say solemnly. “Maybe four…” after a pause and another longing look at the stack. He grins at you. “Been saving up,” you shrug.

Remus helps you choose, and with your final cut, you go over to the till. You swallow when you notice who’s working it: the rather attractive boy who’d been working the last few times you’d been at the shop. He had beautiful brown eyes, brown hair, a kind of gloomy look, and was always wearing cosy-looking jumpers. You’re a bit nervous when it’s your turn, and you place the books down in between you with only a quick glance and awkward grin his way. He says something to you, and for some reason, it throws you off a bit but makes you decidedly less nervous. 

“Thanks,” you respond, realizing he was complimenting your selection. He’d done that last time too. 

“You come here a lot, huh?” he asks, and it hits you: he sounds nothing like Remus. 

Why the hell does that matter? you think to yourself. 

“I remember you. From last time,” he goes on at your silence. 

You only like him because he reminds of you Remus, a little voice whispers in your head. Ugh, shut up, you push it down.

“Yeah,” you smile. “My best friend and I come here all the time,” you tell him, looking back toward Remus at “best friend.” You notice Remus glaring in your direction and find it odd but look back at the boy. He’s smiling more widely now, nodding as he rings up the books. 

He’s finished up, and you’re turning to go when he adds, “Wait!” He grabs one from the stack of free bookmarks with the shop name and number, and he writes another phone number on it. “One can never have too many bookmarks, right?” he smiles at you, offering it to you. “I like it seeing you around here,” he shrugs. “Maybe I can see you somewhere else sometime though?” 

You grin, surely blushing, take the bookmark, and say, “Yeah, maybe. Thanks.” You go over to the door to wait for Remus, who’s getting a book at the other till. You walk out together; he’s scowling. 

It feels weird to tell him about this; you’re not sure why… Because you’re in love with him… Again, Shut up! But you tell him everything, and besides, you’re actually quite excited. 

“You’re not going to believe what just happened.”

“Hm?” he offers with disinterest, not even looking at you. “Look.” You show him the bookmark. He looks interested now. 

“He gave you this?” he shoots. You nod, biting your lip in a giddy shyness. “Are you going to call him?” Remus asks with a sharp edge to his tone. 

“I don’t know… Maybe? He seems nice.” “You’ve hardly even spoken to him. You have no idea if he’s ‘nice.’” The last word comes out sardonic, and it makes you wince. You don’t notice him wincing too. You shrug and grab the bookmark back, and the two of you continue your walk in silence. 

You’re meeting your friends at the pub, and you’re grateful James and Sirius are already sitting at a nice outdoor table when you arrive, eager to escape the tense silence with Remus. “Hello, my favourite nerds. How was the bookshop?” Sirius teases, smiling at you both.

“Good,” you grin; Remus just shrugs. “What’s with you?” Sirius notices. “Nothing,” Remus grunts and goes inside to the bar. Immediately just turning to you, Sirius asks, “What’s with him?” “I don’t know.” You sound sad. “You always know. It’s creepy sometimes, the two of you; it’s like you read each other’s minds,” then, in a cheeky tone, “usually.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You’re snappier than you meant to be. 

“Nothing,” he cedes, but he gives you a knowing look that makes you nervous. You keep glaring at him, and he just chuckles and gives you a quick side hug.

Remus is silent and brooding for the duration of the evening, Sirius and James having given up after several failed attempts at conversation with him. Occasionally, you catch him looking at you, but — quite atypically — you can’t read his expression, and he always looks away when you notice. He doesn’t seem to be hiding his looks, just avoiding moments with you when you look back… and it’s really getting under your skin. 

“Anyone got a light?” Sirius asks, patting down his jacket, a cig already dangling from his lips. “I might,” you respond. You’re wearing your go-to jacket, so there’s a good chance you have the lighter you use for the occasional blunt. Feeling around in your pockets, you pull out the contents and absentmindedly put a couple things down in front of you. “What’s this then?” You can hear the smirk in Sirius’s voice before even looking at him. You’re mortified when he picks up the bookmark.  “Maybe your bookshop isn’t as boring as I thought. Aren’t you cheeky?” he chuckles at you, shaking it between you.

You snatch it from him and say, “It’s nothing.” “Oh, c’mon. There’s nothing wrong with that. Is he fit?” Before you can stop yourself, you look over at Remus. You look away quickly — not missing Remus’s glower — but Sirius notices anyway, looks at him too then back at you, his grin not leaving his face. “What d’you think, mate?” he asks Remus, and your eyes go wide in warning, but Sirius either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. Remus gives a “don’t care” frown and shrug. “What? No opinion on Y/N’s new boyfriend?” Sirius continues. Remus scoffs and gives a cynical laugh, and to your surprise, your hurt at his behaviour all afternoon interlaces with anger at this. 

“What?” you snap, and Remus immediately looks to you, some surprise in his eyes, no longer avoiding your gaze. “Is it laughable that someone would like me?” The mood has safely made its way into awkwardness, but you don’t care. “What’s so funny about someone wanting to be my boyfriend, Remus?” He doesn’t say anything. “You’ve been such a prick all afternoon,” you tell him, collecting your things. You turn to Sirius, saying, “Cover me, will you? I’ll pay you back tomorrow.” You’ve already started walking away by the time he nods. 

Your eyes are puffy from crying last night when you wake, the memory of last night’s events hitting you like an ice bath. You grunt and roll over, trying — but failing miserably — not to dwell on it. Until you remember something else.

“Fuck.” You had plans with Remus today. You’d agreed to meet at the park to start the books you’d bought yesterday. You’re not sure what to do. Do you show up like nothing happened? Do you not show up and escalate things? Or, scariest of all, do you show up and address what the hell happened?

After changing your mind several times, you opt to at least show up. What’ll happen after that, you leave to the moment. When the time comes, you get ready and head over. 

You’re surprised at how surprised you are to see Remus already there, sitting on the grass. Had you really expected him not to show? You hadn’t had the thought consciously — you would’ve almost certainly freaked out if you had — but your palpable relief informs you you’d been terrified at the possibility. It would’ve been so unlike him; you normally would never have even entertained the idea. But his behaviour last night confused you, and not being on the same page as him filled you with confusion and dread.

He notices you, gives you a strained smile; you return one in turn. 

“Hey.” “Hi.”

You linger awkwardly above him before sitting down next to him, a bit further than you usually would have. The silence seems to follow your cue, elongating itself in a way that never happened with Remus. 

He’s fiddling with the grass, not looking at you when he finally says, “About last night…” You take a deep breath, and it gets caught in your chest when his gaze meets yours. “I…” He clears his throat, looks down again, then back up at you. “I’m sorry.” You nod slowly, still just staring at him. 

Before you can think about whether it’s a good idea or not, you say, “Why were you being so weird?”

“You really don’t know?” He doesn’t sound as soft as he did during his apology. 

“Obviously not, or I wouldn’t be asking.” You’re harsher too. 

He groans and, no longer looking at you, whisper-yells, “Fuck, you’re difficult sometimes.” You scoff and cringe away from him. 

“‘Difficult?’ I’m difficult? You’re the one being a prick for seemingly no reason, Rem. And now you’re blaming me?” “I’m not blaming you. I’m just saying —”

“What?” you snap. “What are you saying? Because it seems to me that you’re never saying anything, Remus. Whenever anything tense happens, you never say anything.” 

“Neither do you! What do you want me to say?!” “Yes I do!” “No, you don’t.” 

You glare at each other in electric silence.

You grab your bag and stand up. 

“I don’t really feel like reading anymore,” you offer lamely, seething. He stands up too, following you. 

“You see?! I don’t say anything, but at least I don’t fucking run away every time.” You spin to face him, and it’s so quick, you end up really close to each other before he stops fast-walking toward you. You can hear his heavy breathing, see his nostrils flaring as he scowls. 

“Run away?”

“Yeah.” It’s mean but certain. “Run away,” he repeats.

“What’s that supposed to fucking mean? It’s not like you can’t stop me… Or at least give me a fucking call afterward.” You sound hurt at the end, and Remus winces knowingly. 

“I was going to. I was. I just didn’t know what to say.” 

“Typical. Fucking typical.” You turn to keep walking away. 

He groans loudly in exasperation and walks faster to stand in front of you, cutting you off. “Can you just fucking wait one second?” He runs his hand roughly over his face, harshly through his messy hair. You quirk an eyebrow at him expectantly. 

When he doesn’t say anything for a few moments, you say, “That was more than one second,” and start walking again. 

“Stop. For fuck’s sake, just stop.” He stands in front of you again. “Why? It’s not like you’re saying anything.” Then, more softly, “And I don’t like fighting with you, okay? Maybe that’s why I ‘run away.’” The last two words still manage to sound sarcastic, but you’re whispering by the end, and you look down sadly. “Why don’t you say anything? Why does it have to be me?” He takes a tentative step forward and puts a gentle hand on your shoulder. You look into his eyes, and tears well in yours. One falls, and his thumb comes up to wipe it off. You push his hand away but don’t let go of it. He lets you hold his hand, and you stare down at where you’re connected rather than look at him. 

“I don’t like fighting with you,” you repeat, whispering. He steps a bit closer to you. “I hate fighting with you,” he says firmly. “But you know what’s worse?” You look up at him and shake your head subtly. “The moment after you leave. Being without you. Especially if I know you’re upset or… angry with me.” He looks up at the sky, takes a deep breath, looks at you again. “All I want to do is comfort you. Apologize. Tell you the truth…,” he says desperately. “But I don’t.” This comes out harsh; the anger back in his voice but no longer directed at you. “Because I’m an idiot… But I’d choose fighting with you over being without you every time.” 

“Those can’t be the only two options.” Your voice is soft. He gives a quiet but honest chuckle. Then his face sets seriously, determination creeping into his features.

“Ask me again.” “Ask you what?”

“Why I was being such a prick last night.” “So you admit you were a prick?” “Y/N,” he whines. “For fuck’s sake.” “Okay, okay, sorry,” you say quickly. “Why were you being such a prick last night?”

“Because… I…,” he starts but gets stuck. “When you…” He shakes his head. “I…” He closes his eyes and whispers, “Fuck.” He opens them, looks back and forth between yours, takes a step closer to you. He brings his hand that’s not in yours up to your face, brings his forehead to rest on yours. He nudges your nose with his, caresses your cheek. “Y/N,” he whispers, all the frustration replaced by something much warmer. You shift the tiny bit necessary to connect your lips with his. His hands tighten, and his lips push softly but firmly back.

You take a deep breath in, like breathing him will fill you with life… and it does. You open your mouth, and you feel a groan in his chest where it’s flush with yours as he licks his tongue against yours. You let go of his hand to hold his face firmly in both of yours, pulling him into you. His arms wrap around your hips, pulling you into his lower half as his upper half chases your mouth. You kiss and kiss and kiss, soft but hungry, until you finally part, only your lips detaching from each other, the rest of your bodies still connected. Your thumbs rub his cheeks; his hands squeeze your hips; your noses bump into each other. 

“You still haven’t said anything…” you whisper. You expect him to retort that neither have you, to joke or complain or jokingly complain. 

Instead, after a gruff chuckle, he says, “I love you.” He turns his embrace into a full hug, his arms firmly around you, his head in the crook of your neck. You cling to him. 

“You’re my best friend, Y/N,” he goes on. “My best friend in the fucking world.” He leans back a bit to be able to look into your eyes as he goes on. “But you’re so much more than that too. You’re the fucking love of my life,” he says with a heartfelt chuckle. “And I am done not telling you that.” You bring his mouth to yours again, kissing him deeply.

“You’re mine too. I promise I won’t run away anymore. I’m sorry I —” 

“Don’t,” he cuts you off with a kiss, shaking his head. “I wish I’d told you sooner, but I’ve loved every minute with you. And now we have the rest of our lives to do this too.” With a cheeky smile, he kisses you again.

“I love you,” you tell him. He squeezes you tight and keeps kissing you. 

[fanfic-obsessed]

How Old?!?!?!

Remember Folks, disregard any canon that contradicts this.

Timothy Wayne Drake disappeared when he was 16. He was taken captive in Eastern Europe at a WE event. A magical shield cut off all electronic communication, sight, and sound of the building for 6 minutes. According to every Super consulted, Tim’s heartbeat vanished at that time, and never reappeared. No facial recognition ever showed him again. No magical spell could find him, or his remains. Eight years later he is presumed dead by most of those who knew him, though his family still searches frantically for their Baby Bird. It is only the fact that they knew how much he loved Gotham, that he would want the city protected, that they did not let their obsession with finding him take them over. 

According to his file, Neal Caffery has been operating since he was 18. There are no records prior to that. By the numbers he is now 34, and had been working as a CI for the feds for 2 years.  He has never admitted to anyone that his earliest memories are six years ago, though Peter, El, and Moz have all figured it out.  But his abilities, muscle memory, and knowledge seem to support what's in his file.  That must mean something, right?

It was not a White Collar case, not really. Though there were just enough white collar elements to justify assigning it to Agent Burke and his team, this really was an Organized Crime case. However it was leading to Gotham, and no one wanted to go to Gotham. 

So Agent Burke, his two junior agents, and his CI were bundled into a SUV and told to report to Gotham PD to coordinate the case.  Upon arriving at the main precinct and getting out of the car; Peter, Diana and Jones all get strange looks from the locals on the street, though they do not know it, it is clear they are outsiders. 

However Neal gets out with a strange look on his face, “Why does the air taste..”

“Pink?” One the pedestrian answers, suspicion washing away.

“Yes” Neal exclaimed, then paused, “That’s weird, right? I feel like that’s weird”

The pedestrian gave a half shrug, “Ivy and Scarecrow double booked downtown a few weeks ago. Made things super awkward for anyone not vaccinated against both, but the vaccines made the air taste pink for some reason. The news said that the unvaccinated shouldn’t see effects any longer and for the vaccinated the effect would be gone in two more weeks”

Then the pedestrian left and Neal, entirely unconsciously, murmured about wondering if Ivy and Harley were fighting. When Peter tried to get more information about Neal having been in Gotham as they walked into the Precinct, Neal made a joke to cover the fact that he has no idea when or where he got the vaccines/immunities to Poison Ivy’s pollen or Scarecrow's Fear Gas.  

They manage to make it to the main bullpen without incident, by virtue of the fact anyone who actually looks up from what they were doing focuses on Peter, as lead agent.  When they get to the Bullpen, someone notices Neal and the entire room goes dead silent. Commissioner Gordon comes charging out, eyes wild and clearly on the phone with someone (Oracle, who happened to see Neal/Tim on camera-it is important to note that the group who took Tim made it so that any facial recognition program that would run either face would skip the match between Tim and Neal, but a person looking through a camera is different) saying things like “Holy Shit” and “Yes I see him, too”. 

The White Collar team, including Neal, is so confused as Commissioner Gordon ushers them to his office and closes the door (Oracle has her fathers office bugged with better cameras and wired for sound, also they do not know how much cover they have already broken for Tim-they do not want to make things worse instead of better). 

Commissioner Gordon calls Neal Tim, and Neal/Tim seizes for a moment like he was hit with electricity and says, in a deadened tone, “That name cannot be used as an Alias” then slumps like he is going to fall over. Peter and Jones manage to catch him and get him into a chair that Commissioner Gordon hurriedly pulls over.  The confusion that the White Collar team is exhibiting, plus questions like “What was that?” and “What did you do to Neal?” and “What did you call him?” do convince commissioner Gordon that these, at least, were not the people that took Tim.  It takes a few minutes for Tim/Neal to come to.  A few careful call and response questions tells Commissioner Gordon that the man with Tim’s face (and scars, from what he can see) does not remember anything.  These same questions were also clearly making the White Collar team, particularly Peter, as protective as they were making Neal/Tim confused and more than a little anxious.

Then Dick Grayson burst into the room, looking like he might have run all the way from Bludhaven.  He stopped dead at seeing Neal, whispered ‘Baby Bird?’ then lunged to pull Neal into a tight hug. Neal may have had no memories of being Tim, but his muscle memory remembered Dick’s hugs. That he was safe while Dick was hugging him, Neal could not help but relax into the hold. 

Dick start talking about getting Neal to Leslie both to make sure he's not hurting and to verify his identity (sounding apologetic but, no matter if Dick is sure this is Tim, they have to verify it), that ‘B’ is out of contact right now (on a JL mission off planet, the watchtower is preparing to extract him, but it will take a few hours-the JLD is also preparing in case they are needed) but should be back soon. He talks about how Alfred will be waiting outside for them, but ‘everyone else’ is waiting so they don’t overwhelm him (read clustered, and pacing, on buildings around Leslie’s clinic).  

Neal brings up, still wrapped in Dicks arms, that he might not be who they think he is. Dick agrees but also says that he isn’t, it is a case of mistaken identity and it is clear that Neal is not trying to trick them. Dick then says if it is Mistaken identity, Dick will apologize for the forcible cuddling and be grateful that, even if they don’t actually find him, he got a chance to hug his little brother one last time (Every single member of the White Collar Team, Neal very much included, is a little uncomfortable with this sentiment). 

At Peter’s awkward insistence (these people clearly miss whoever they think Neal is, and he doesn’t know if they would think about Neal’s criminal activities) the White collar team accompanies Neal, still clutched to Dick’s side, to a car waiting with Alfed right next to it, who is clearly having an emotional reaction to seeing Neal/Tim again.  Over the course of the car ride to Leslie’s clinic, Dick asks questions about who Neal is now (and reacts weirdly well to the whole Conman/FBI CI thing). Towards the end, Jones hesitantly asks why Dick is trying to get to know Neal now, wouldn’t it make more sense to wait until they were sure who Neal was. 

Dick laughs and goes 1.) Even if Neal is not his long lost brother, several of his siblings are going to want to befriend him (if nothing else than being a world class master art forger would get Damian’s attention, and everyone else would 100% be encouraging the friendship to give Damian more non violent friends) and 2.) Baby Bird is notorious for trying to mold himself into who he thinks other people want him to be. Right now he does not know enough about Dick to try and tailor his answers, plus is likely convincing himself that this is a case of mistaken identity. Thus Dick is collecting information for when Baby Bird inevitably tries to fit himself into whatever weird mold he thinks their family will want him to fit.  

Neal, still clutched to Dick’s side, splutters as the White Collar team cannot help but laugh at him. Also this somewhat convinces Peter that this might not be a case of mistaken identity after all.  

They get to Leslie’s Clinic. She runs through all the tests (Genetic and comparing previous x-rays, signs of artificial aging-for cloning, signs of the specific type of molecules that means time or dimension travel, brain scans, the few hormone tests that can detect magic-you can’t tell me that Bruce Wayne and/or Tim Drake, before he vanished, were not told at some point that there is no way to detect magic by scientific means and took it as a personal challenge). By every measure that she is able to test, Neal Caffrey is the missing Tim Drake.  She is also able to tell that his memory loss was likely caused by significant and repeated electrocution reinforced by some kind of magic, but cannot tell what or if it is still active, though given Tim’s reaction to his birth name (which happened twice more during the tests) and the fact that the Supers were never able to find his heartbeat,it is likely. 

By this time, Batman has now been returned to the watchtower and is being told of Tims return.

Dick tells Neal outright that their entire family’s love languages are stalking and poor boundaries (both maintaining and respecting). Dick also makes it clear that, while the Batfam is ecstatic that Neal/Tim is alive and want him in their lives, Neal is not required to attempt to get his memories back or have anything to do with them if he does not want (All of their therapists, the family could not go to just one, had worked specifically with them on how to deal with a Tim that has made a new life, how to accept that he is safe and happy but not with them-which is a realistic assumption after 8 years), but that likely Neal would be putting up with some limited stalking for the rest of his life (Look, the best we are going to get from the Batfamily is stalking from the shadows if Neal doesn’t want to interact with them-Also Oracle has already hacked the FBI for all of Neals records and files, and is the middle of arranging for the White Collar office to be bugged with her personal cameras/microphones). Dick also asks that the White Collar team come back to the Manor and to at least let the Justice League Dark look Neal over to make sure that there is nothing that is going on that will hurt him. 

Now, to be clear, Neal is more than happy to at least meet the rest of the Batfam.  Yes, he has a good life now, people he loves and who love him. But that is a relatively new development and there are a lot of blanks in his past. I mean at this point Neal still thinks he is 34 (as opposed to 24), and only remembers the last six years. They have not even gone far enough into the explanations to realize that there is a 2 year gap between when Tim was taken and Neal's earliest memories.  Also, while Neal does not quite have the same level of abandonment issues as Tim did, there is something about how visibly happy Dick is to see him that soothing something deep inside (Because he has six years worth of memories, and for most of them he did not have anyone who would have noticed if he had vanished).

They get back to manor just in time for Bruce to come charging into the foyer, still in the batman suit but with his cowl down. Bruce also looks like he might have ran from wherever he was. He had at least absorbed enough of what he was told about Neal to not call him Tim, and pulled Neal into a hug.  This also means there is a brief interlude while the White Collar team gets the ‘Bruce Wayne is Batman, we’re trusting you with this’ revelation (And absolutely everyone is going to be making fun of Bruce ‘Paranoia’ Wayne being the person who accidentally let the secret slip).

By the time they reach the main sitting room, the rest of the family has made it back to the manor (Barbara, Jason, Cass, Steph, Damian, Duke) each waiting on their own chance to hug their lost member.   Neal blue screens a bit at Jason (who is both very pretty and very sarcastic, which is Neal's type).  Through the discussions that follow there are at least two arguments between batfam members about who gets to have Neal to sit with them.

Neal decides that he will meet with someone from JLD to see about what magic might still be affecting him and regaining his lost memories. He and the White Collar team do decline staying at the manor and go back to the hotel rooms that the FBI rented for them (never realizing that Oracle upgraded them as soon as she realized who Neal was) as they still have a job to do. It is at this point that  Neal starts whining to the others, much to their amusement (also to the amusement of Steph and Cass, who were hiding on the balcony-there is no way there will not be at least one bat/bird hiding in the shadows around Neal for a bit), about his new, hot brother Jason.  Peter calls El, just so Neal can have his crisis with her instead of him (Never mind that being siblings is not as big a deal as Neal thinks it is).

Now Gotham, and its people, have a reputation at the FBI for being actually impossible to work with.  Even regular citizens stonewall so effectively that most teams simply give up. They simply do not like outsiders, and Gothamites can tell if someone grew up in Gotham or not, even if the person in question does not realize it (there are unconscious ways of moving if you have lived in Gotham for a certain amount of time). This is what the White Collar team expects to go against, what they are bracing for, no matter who Neal might or might not have been.  To their surprise this is not what they get. Yes, most people still peer suspiciously at Peter, Jones, and Diana at first, but even that settles down quickly (Some of it is Neal/Tim, being from Gotham, clearly trusting Peter and co gets them some good will; some is them not being sanctimonious about gotham; the rest is the batfam being vocal about liking these FBI agents-for Neal/Tim related reasons).  They solve the case, which branched from White collar into one of the Mob Families (at least two of the traffickers got the choice to talk to the FBI team, or deal with The Red Hood-Red Hood plays it off as using the FBI to take a shot at that family’s territory and being personally interested in Neal Caffrey).

Before they leave Gotham, Neal does meet up with a few members of the JLD who are able to find and remove the spells that prevent Neal/Tim from being found by the Supers and the Spell keeping him from being addressed as Tim. His missing memories were not fully caused by magic (There was a lot of damage caused by electricity-no one took that news well), but the magic was preventing some of his recall. With the spells off, it is inferred that some or all of Tim’s memories may come back in time. 

The White Collar team leaves Gotham with new contacts in their phones and also the bomb that Neal Caffery was a full decade younger than he thought he was (They do eventually figure out that Neal/Tim never actually committed the crimes in his file-not that the crimes were never committed but that Neal/Tim was basically went straight from where ever he was being held to being captured for ‘Neal Caffery’s’ crimes).  Peter later finds a much more complete medical record for Tim Wayne Drake in his home, with an ominous note to keep this file out of the FBI records, it is for personal reference only. They also leave with the decision to keep Neal’s identity a secret (As no one knows who the ones who took them are, or what the end goal is), telling only Hughes, El and Moz. By the time the WC crew reaches New York, the Bats already have bugs/cameras in the FBI building, Neal’s apartment, and Peter’s house.  They have also put trackers in every single pair of Neal’s shoes. There is also a schedule for who gets to stalk/hang out with Neal when.  

As far as the rest of the FBI was concerned, White Collar gets a lot of strange new contacts for cases.  Also they seem to have made an impression on the Justice League, as they become the point of contact between the Justice League and the FBI, by request of the League.  Occasionally hardened criminals walk into the FBI and ask to confess their crimes specifically to Agent Burke and his team. And Apparently their CI knows the Red Hood, somehow (in that the Red Hood sometimes showed up at their crime scene to flirt outrageously with the CI, the first few times the CI got really flustered but after that he started to flirt back). 

Eventually Neal/Tim does begin to remember his past, oddly enough the trigger was a spleen in a jar that was left on his desk in the White Collar Office (Ra’s Al Ghul was…pleased that Tim was not dead and displeased with the Organization the abducted him and  tried to fry Tim’s brain).

[theonceandfuturequeenoftarts]

It’s become their tradition: when Hogwarts empties of most students for the Christmas break, Harry and Tom spend the quiet, sleepy days of the winter holiday together.

Initially, it was out of lonely, unwanted orphan camaraderie. They had nowhere else to go, no one who wanted to see them – but that was frankly fine by both of them. Tom would rather never see the inside of Wool’s again, and Harry had long given up on figuring out how to make the Dursleys love him. They had both found their first real home at Hogwarts. So, while the buzzing energy of the holidays and discussions of their peers reminded them of the things they did not have, those wounds had scarred over enough by that point that it was more of a dull ache than a sharp, bleeding pain. 

From sharing silent moments as they read or ate together to discovering they had more in common than simply their circumstances, their wary friendship grew over the course of that first holiday break at Hogwarts. When the other students returned, there was a bit of awkwardness of finding how this new connection fit into their respective social landscapes – Tom has never been all that fond of Granger or Weasley, and Harry thinks the social politics of Slytherin are ridiculous, not to mention the typical Gryffindor-Slytherin hostility. 

They weren’t the type of friends to spend every moment together, constantly at each other’s elbow, but they found a way that worked for them. Partnering up in class, sitting quietly at the same table in the library, meeting up for a pre-curfew snack in the kitchens – and spending each winter break in each other’s company, even if they both received invitations to spend the holiday elsewhere. Christmas at Hogwarts was their time.

And so it is that they’re sitting on the windowsill in a seventh-floor corridor, staring out at the freshly fallen snow, glittering under the light of a waxing gibbous moon, when Harry breaks the silence. 

“D’you want to come to bed with me?”

The question causes Tom to still. 

“There’s no one else who stayed behind, as usual, so the dorm is empty,” Harry continues on, oblivious. “Don’t have to worry about anyone being weird about your being there.”

Tom had felt it, how things were changing between them. How, this year, their shared glances had a different energy. Like everything was building to something. And he knew that they’d be able to spend long, uninterrupted days together over the holidays, without their respective groups to give them grief about spending time with someone from the enemy House.

He’d known there was a chance this was where that change might lead them. He just hadn’t wanted to accept it.

But Tom has a reputation, and certainly Harry knows it. So of course Harry would expect that from him – expect Tom to want it – if Tom has done that with other people.

And Harry is the only person Tom has ever wanted to keep. Harry understands him in ways no one else has ever bothered to try. (He had hoped Harry would understand this implicitly, but that was perhaps too much to ask.) There is little he wouldn’t do to tie Harry to him, to ensure Harry never leaves – never wants to leave, never even considers it. If this is the cost, he can bear it.

In comparison to the other things he’s gained through his looks and his body, Harry is much more precious, infinitely more dear. Power at the whims of another is what he can barter for now, but it won’t always be that way. Soon, he will hold his own power, an endless amount of it, and he will make others regret treating him as lesser than.

Giving this to Harry– no. Doing this with Harry is nothing like his previous sexual experiences. It’s not a degradation.

(But it does appear to be a necessity.)

His mind has been running as they walk back to the empty Gryffindor sixth year boys’ dorm together. He sees the coy, nervous smile Harry gives him over his shoulder as they reach the dorm door; he returns it with a confident one that he doesn’t quite feel.

“Are you okay?” Harry asks as he leads Tom through the door, closing and locking it behind them.

Perhaps his lacking bravado is more apparent than he’d hoped. Before Tom can decide whether or not to push Harry against the closed door and kiss him, the other boy is walking over to the bed Tom knows is Harry’s and pulling the curtains open.

As he climbs onto the bed, Harry begins shucking his clothes in a flurry. He’s now down to his shorts and a long-sleeve shirt, staring up at Tom curiously. “Planning to wear all that?” Harry asks. 

This isn’t how he usually does things. His rhythm’s all thrown off, though he should’ve expected Harry would act differently than his other partners. So Tom removes his shoes, socks, trousers, and jumper as quickly as he can without appearing to rush. Harry doesn’t seem to want a show, thankfully. Tom’s not sure whether he could manage much in the way of seduction at the moment.

Tom gets on the bed and sits next to Harry, who’s reclining against a pillow tilted up against the headboard.

And now that he’s here, he’s freezing up. He can’t afford to ruin this, he can’t lose Harry. So he pushes through his hesitation and leans down to capture Harry’s lips in a kiss that has melted the minds (and inhibitions) of several other students. He’s putting his all into this, trying to focus on the fact that this is Harry, he wants Harry, this is okay. He never has to persuade himself with the others, it’s so unfair he has to work so hard to do this for Harry.

“–Tom?” Harry asks a bit breathlessly as he pulls his mouth away with a soft ‘pop.’ “What are you doing?”

Fuck, fuck, this is not happening. “I thought it was rather obvious,” he husks, trying to sound as seductive and interested as possible.

“Not the– I know you were kissing me, you berk.” Harry huffs a laugh. “I was asking why you were kissing me.”

Oh. Oh, this is all going wrong in a different way, and in addition to that he’s confused, and he hates being confused. “Typically people enjoy a bit of foreplay before they have sex,” he says, and he can’t entirely keep his defensive anger from leaking into his tone.

“Sex?!” Harry yelps, then covers his mouth with his hands despite them being the only people in the dorm. He whisper-shouts, “Sex? Who said anything about sex?”

Tom’s brow furrows in irritation. “You asked me to come to bed–”

“To sleep!” Harry barely keeps from shouting once again. “Just to sleep.”

He blinks. “Sleep,” he repeats, feeling wrong-footed.

“Uh, yeah, though now that I think about it, I guess I can see where you misunderstood…”

“You ‘guess’?” Tom hisses, incensed. “I misunderstood? Harry, that’s what people say when they intend to have sex!”

“Well, how was I supposed to know? You never seemed interested in that sort of thing, I didn’t think I had to specify–”

Tom wonders, not for the first time, how someone can be both so observant and painfully oblivious.

“Harry,” he says, a little frustrated with how this entire evening has gone. “You do realise I’ve had sex before, yes?”

“Uh, yeah, I have eyes.” As if to demonstrate this, he rolls them hard enough that Tom can barely see their bright green irises.

Cheeky little shit. “Then, why–”

“I’m not completely daft, Tom. I’ve seen how you look at the people you’ve slept with,” Harry says, sounding almost offended. “It’s the same way Ron looks at chess pieces – like they serve a particular purpose and you're thinking of the best way to move them around to get what you want.” 

That was concerningly accurate. He’d never thought of Harry as unintelligent, but perhaps he’d underestimated how sharp he could be.

“When you look at me, it's different. At least, that’s what I think.”

Tom huffs. “I should never have doubted you, darling.”

“That’s right, you shouldn’t,” Harry says. “So don’t doubt me now. Tell me: what do you want?”

“I– it’s not as simple as that,” he insists, because it isn’t. Harry doesn’t understand, and it rankles, because why is this where his understanding fails?

“I never thought I’d see the day I have to demand to know what you want,” Harry says, a bit amused and a little disbelieving. 

Because it’s you, he thinks. It matters – I’m trying to compromise – because it’s you.

“Come on, Tom, just tell me,” Harry wheedles.

Here goes nothing. He’s already holding his breath when he says, hoarsely, “I don’t want to have sex.”

“With me?” Harry asks evenly, unreadably.

“With anyone,” he clarifies.

Harry’s eyes almost glow in anger as he leans up on his elbow, and Tom slips his wand into his hand just in case. “Have people been forcing you–” 

“No, no, nothing like that. As if they could,” Tom says, releasing some of the tension in his body, amused by Harry’s willingness to play knight in shining armour for him. “Sex is a tool to use when it’s the most expedient way to get what I want. It’s not something to which I attach emotions or any real pleasure, nor is it something I want to have purely for the sake of it.”

He’s known this for himself for quite some time, but this is the first time he’s said it aloud for someone else. Someone whose opinion matters. He finds himself wincing a bit at the clinical tone, even though it is accurate to how he feels. Harry is a creature of emotion far more than Tom is, and he doesn’t always agree with Tom’s way of seeing things.

“Oh,” Harry says. “Okay.”

Tom watches Harry warily. He doesn’t sound upset, but… “Okay…?”

“Yeah, that’s fine by me,” Harry says easily. “If you don’t want to have sex, we won’t have sex.”

That is far too calm a reaction, unless Harry likes him less than he’d previously thought. “Not just tonight – I don’t want to have sex ever, probably.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Harry says with a grin. “S’fine.”

“But. This,” Tom says quietly, indicating the bed between them. “This can’t be enough for you.”

Harry sets his jaw mulishly. “I can decide for myself what’s enough for me and what I want. And I’m trusting you to do the same. So don’t ever force yourself to do something because you think I want it,” he adds, voice tapering off towards the end into something a little desperate-sounding. “I want you, Tom. Not whatever you think I should want.”

Tom swallows hard. “What if you change your mind?”

“What if I don't?” Harry says pointedly, before exhaling loudly and adding, “Sorry, I don't mean to be dismissive. If this was the first time I was finding out you didn’t want to have sex with me, yeah, I’d probably be pretty torn up,” he allows with a shrug. “But I’ve had time to think about it, and what I want, and I decided a while back that I wouldn’t mind never having sex, if it meant I could be with you.” 

Tom stares. He can’t help it. He can hardly tell which way is up anymore.

“But that’s enough about that.” Harry asks, again, “What do you want?”

After a moment, Tom says, hushed, “I want to sleep in this bed with you.” Honesty is easier when spoken softly in the dark. He braces himself for mockery, for disappointment, because, no matter what he says, surely Harry expects more than this. Tom has a reputation, after all.

But Harry only asks, voice warm, “Anything else?”

“I…” This leaves him feeling a little too vulnerable, but he pushes through. “I want to hold your hand.”

After a moment, Harry rests his hand on the bed halfway between them and wiggles his fingers. Slowly, Tom reaches out and rests the palm of his hand against the palm of Harry’s, carefully intertwining their fingers. Harry hums contentedly and squeezes their joined fingers gently. 

When Tom looks back at Harry’s face, he is smiling with a light flush of colour in his cheeks. “Good?” he asks.

Tom tries to say ‘yes’ but it feels like there’s something blocking his throat, so he nods instead.

Harry nods once in return before he takes off his glasses awkwardly with his left hand and sets them on the headboard shelf. He looks over, eyes just a bit out of focus, and says, “G’night, Tom.”

Tom squeezes Harry’s hand a good deal harder, prompting Harry to tighten his hold in turn. “Good night, Harry.” If his voice shakes a little, Harry doesn’t mention it.