#but did you know most sex offenders were also sexually abused as children?

[its-blip-on-the-radar]

Hey, psst.

Believing that there are only good people and bad people and you have to categorize everyone into one or the other means you're most likely contributing to the amount of "bad" people in the world. If you quantify people by the amount of "bad" things they do, and throw them into a category they can't leave, they're going to lose all motivation to change and continue the cycle. Hurt people hurt people. As a former addict and someone who's easily demonized based on my symptoms, please stop categorizing everything as good or bad behaviors. The amount of times I've heard people say relapsing is a "bad" behavior yet in my actual programs I've been in I've heard that sometimes relapsing is a part of recovery, like... it drives me crazy. The world isn't black and white. Stop trying to make it black and white.

[katiesfriendzone]

tw: pedophilia; however please read b/c you all deserve my honesty.

I am extremely apprehensive about writing this and understand if you all can't be my friend anymore. I just cannot take the feeling of lying by omission to you all anymore.

I am friends with self-identified non-offending female pedophiles and it's because the big problem I allude to on my blog was thinking I am one.

In 2020, I was coming to terms with the fact that my beliefs were not very consistent, and the situation with Emmett made me realize I didn't really have business calling myself a feminist. this led to a period of intense questioning of many things I believed to be an established part of myself.

This period of questioning lead to an intense period of what would probably be labeled POCD. I still struggle to understand the difference between a closeted sexual orientation and an intrusive thought, as closeted gay people also experience their attraction as "unwanted thoughts"; thoughts being unwanted doesn't mean they don't reflect something real because they could be unwanted for so many reasons.

The idea that it was my sexual orientation made sense. After all, if being a lesbian or a gay man can also be characterized by aspects of personality not necessarily related to sex, like a gay man reminiscing of playing with girls instead of other boys at recess or a lesbian reminiscing on her days on the softball team, surely my form of gender nonconformity, which doesn't embody rugged masculinity or feminine polish but childish lack of both adult femininity and masculinity, could be part of my orientation. It would explain why I felt asexual towards men and towards women.

I like kids. That is obvious. I can't peek into anyone else's head who likes kids in a Normal way and see if their feelings for children are different from mine. I think children are, physically, cuter and nicer to look at than adults. I don't feel anything about their genitalia but as we know I actively dislike both vulvas and penises so that's kind of a moot point. I've never watched CP, but I've also never really watched adult porn. A mutual of mine who's since blocked me, maybe bc she was canny enough to clock this or maybe just bc im annoying, wrote a great post about queer refusal, and how queerness is often implicitly defined about being about being more and more open sexually, whereas for lesbians, often the most non-conforming thing about them is their LACK of attraction to/refusal of men. I think women who aren't attracted to men and lack the capacity to be attracted to men for whatever reason are queer, oppressed, etc. full stop.

I understand why, hearing this news, your concern and compassion would not be for me, but for children. I understand, with child sexual abuse being so rampant and CSA:pedophilia being synonymous in people's minds, that it could seem insane that someone who is hypothetically doing all this damage could be the one who is sad. I would like to make a big ask right now and ask you to consider queerness through the above lense and see why someone who is not attracted to men or to women might relate to or find solace in gay, lesbian, queer sentiments and struggles.

again, I can't peek into anyones head. I feel less repulsed by vulvae and penises than I did at the height of all this, and there are certainly adults who I like to look at (hi Dev Patel), and when I feel even the slightest glimmer of attraction to an adult, I indulge in it (hi, obsessive Dev Patel posting) to the most extreme degree I can. However, if you were to replace "man" with "adult" in the Lesbian Masterdoc, then well, you can see it from space.

The communities I've found have been very male centric. Even the resources that exist think of women like me as, and this is a direct quote from a clinics website, "irrelevantly rare". Women in these spaces are basically forced to rub elbows with misogynistic, antifeminist men because feminists have made it clear we aren't welcome.

I am a question mark. I'm always open to one day feeling the right way. But my best friend, who I met through one of these communities, has known this about herself since puberty. The idea that pedos just can't get someone their own age is especially painful for her experience, because like all women, she deals with sexual harassment and unwanted attention from men. She's my friend and I refuse to abandon her, even if it turns out I'm not the same as her. I would actually rather die than betray my friends when they are suffering.

Since this all began, I have seen countless testimonies from female exclusive pedophiles (meaning ones like my friend who feel nothing for adults and in my opinion fit the model of queer refusal of men I discuss above) and I would characterize them with despair, desperation, depression, alienation, rage, and a belief in ones inherent inferiority. I simply refuse to cosign these beliefs in other women based on thoughts and feelings they cannot help.

I'm not sure where this leaves me and you guys. I accept whatever happens to me as a result of posting this. I will add the following disclaimers: in addition to all of this I do also have maternal/auntlike instincts, and my feelings about my own niece or the kids of friends on here are purely aunt feelings. When I first confessed all of this to Ted his response was initialy that my feelings for children were normal, and that i just lacked attraction to adults, but the thing is most people seem to think that asexuality isn't a real orientation, so I'm not sure what that would make my orientation. But again: i simply refuse to betray my best friend.

I wonder what the price of honesty will be...but in my opinion, the truth is priceless. I do not know what you are all going to do to me after this post, but whatever you do is up to you. It's 100% your choice. I'm sorry for lying to you all by omission the past few years, and you don't have to accept my apology. I don't know what I'd do in your position. But I don't really know what I'd do in my position either, I guess this.

[collymore]

Intentionally overlooked, and even quite cherished sexual abusers operating freely in the family home!

By Stanley Collymore     Quite truthfully, what was it     really like or distinctly still     knowingly is, undeniably     within your very own familial home;     or do you effectively, basically prefer     rather ludicrously, deluding yourself     that the very opposite, is literally the     reality as you distinctly, indifferently,     and rather blissfully, carry on living     in your noxious state, of deniabiliy?     The mothers; step-mums as well as     those female guardians undeniably     in all of these nauseating sex abuse     cases by actually biological fathers,     step-dads, and also live in lovers to     these aforementioned 'ladies' quite     definitely: in my honest, forthright     and logical opinion, unequivocally     know or if these abuses were then     in the distant past; knew perfectly     well, what exactly in undoubtedly     the two instances, was going on!       But the feckless, immoral and     evil cowards that they are     they basically haven't     got even the rudimentary principles     or guts to actually stand up for their     daughters, sons, or essentially those     children, who're entrusted to them!     Even crucially, and vilely choosimg     in the vast, overwhelming majority     of instances, that this abuse carries     on; for with the quite malevolently     egregious abuser undeniably more     fervently involved elsewhere; they     would aptly, be sexually left alone!     Now, take a long; undeniably hard     for literally numerous numbers of     you; and likewise an unrestrained     warts and all, quite simply, honest     look at yourself in any mirror and     truthfully, then hopefully respond     to this essentially crucial question     which I am now candidly publicly     and most specifically so obviously     unapologetically positing to all of     you but quite concertedly I freely     and likewise also rather willingly     admit, to the Daily Mail's, usually     pestilent and puerile aficionados:     where do each of you irrefutably   stand morally and solely relative     to both sets of these inexcusably,     truly evil, noxious, sub-humans?       (C) Stanley V. Collymore     31 May 2023.         Author's Remarks:   When it's considered quite au fait and similarly distinctly elan to court, have sexual relations with, have as your own lover or mistress; effectively marry and have offspring with, fully cognizant all along that they are your own biological and quite invariably as well your quite close blood relative and such deliberate family relationships were to effectively supposedly and ludicrously consolidate you specifically prized bloodline and as well ensure your massive and distinctly unearned and unwarranted wealth did  stay quite irrevocably within that exact family, it should come as no surprise to anyone with a truly functioning brain within their head, that essentially such persons perceived as their divine rulers and societal leaders would set the basis and the trend, obviously in an ongoing process, that the surfeit of very gullible serfs, commoners, plebeians - call them what you will - would earnestly follow; and they indubitably have done so.       Incest is rampant across Britain and too within its kin, genocidally acquired and now quite exclusively controlled global seizures like Australia, New Zealand, in Canada and undeniably the anglophile areas of the USA and South Africa, just naming a few along with Ireland.       And basically accounts overall for why British courts are essentially evidently lenient towards the offenders, of whom there are both males and females let's not forget, and explains exactly why all these commenters on these right-wing rags and electronic media happily lay the blame at the REAL victim's door; and rarely that of the perpetrator.       Sick Britons and their global kin firmly ensconced in the Middle Ages in more ways than just subservience and gross fawning sycophancy to their ardently perceived societal betters!       It's totally morally offensive, similarly too, essentially personally as well as culturally anathema to me entertain let alone realistically effect the reality of actually courting, having any kind of a romantic relationship with far less so indulge in a heterosexual relationship - quite specifically no other kind for me I'm afraid - consensually or otherwise, with someone who I'm even remotely so biologically related to; and why I ask myself would any sensible person quite logically and intelligently want to do so when there's literally a surfeit of actual clearly perspective partners to lawfully satisfy one's emotional or carnal needs globally? Beats me!       My Barbadian cultural upbringing not only induces me to have an instinctive and reciprocal respect for other human beings of both sexes but indubitably so and quite importantly as well, my very own biological family members; and consequently we don't and never will as Bajans - the quite affectionate name which we nationally and very proudly call ourselves - see any of our biological relatives as relatively potential lovers, sexual partners or marital spouses. And furthermore, even members of the very opposite who we literally grow up with in our own communities are distinctly off limits physically and emotionally as we essentially see them as brothers or sisters and never as sexual partners or potential spouses.     And it rather literally and significantly does account undoubtedly for why our quite beloved homeland, Barbados has one of the very highest and distinctly so most impressive genetic pools and also attendant with that per population also has the world's highest number of very active and likewise physically healthy and well educated centenarians. And the exceedingly proud, industrious and moral Bajans that we are; we intend to purposefully and intelligently carry on respecting the status quo while doing, as usual, our very best simultaneously to improve it in every way we can! Not for nothing is our National motto: Pride and Industry!

[moo-nstone]

mars through the houses

mars in the 1st house: your confident, reckless and inconsiderate nature is due to your innate fear of being taken advantage of. you fear being seen as weak and like a victim that others can prey on. you’re very impulsive and energetic, not afraid of expressing yourself and pursuing what you want most in life. you want to show the world what you’re capable of and to impress others with your confidence. you want things done your way, you’re very independent. your sincerity and straightforward nature gives you a capability of hurting others and being hostile, it’s your job to choose not to. determined and unable to give up. you don’t even think twice before doing something dangerous; there’s this happy-go-lucky nature in you that makes it so that even when you get in trouble, things still work out your way because you believed they would. you react very quickly to obstacles and adverse situations/people trying to bring you down.

mars in the 2nd house: you’re very protective of both the people you love and your possessions. there’s an innate need for stability that you possess that has you being an impulsive buyer an hoarder, someone who needs to be careful with how much they’re spending – but it’s because you’re simply terrified of instability. you work hard to gain money and be able to spend as much as you want, but you should refrain from holding on to things too tightly. your value is not about how much money you make – remember that. even if you’re lucky when it comes to money, too much spending could cause havoc. inconsistency from the ones you love terrifies you. your values and strong opinions are very important to you, just like your independence and sensuality. others can be bothered by your possessiveness over them, with good reason; you should refrain from thinking you always know what’s best for them.

mars in the 3rd house: you’re very straightforward when it comes to expressing yourself and you’re not at all afraid of speaking about sensible issues, even when everyone around you is. you’re very outspoken and provocative, loving to expand other’s people’s perspectives and help open their narrow minds. you can be an overthinker to the point of losing yourself in your thoughts and paranoias. there’s a tendency for creating conflict through discussing with your friends and family, investing a lot of time in trivial arguments. easily annoyed and very knowledgeable, it’s like you have something to say about every subject. there’s a capability for being very harsh with your words; you have a sharp tongue. apologies are rare but when they happen, they’re very sincere. an intellectual through and through but you should be careful about being too analytical and experiencing mental trauma.

mars in the 4th house: you may have come from an abusive family in which you had to deal with a difficult childhood due to controlling, aggressive or downright abusive parents. either way, for the best or worst, your family problems affect you greatly. that manifests in either cutting ties with everything that connects you to your family or wanting to reproduce the dynamic in your present relationships to try and do it “right” this time. i’ve also noticed that there’s a fear underlying this placement of having children in fear of them going through the same things the native did. this placement also indicates coming from a dangerous neighbourhood. you have an immense emotional strength that helps you fight for what you want. you’re very protective but you also have a tendency to argue and antagonize others. avoid getting too stuck in the past. you’re a human manipulation detective, no one can lie to you. it’s a challenge for you to learn to deal with your anger and the past. you’re also very enthusiastic and active, and no matter whether you exercise or not, you tend to be very physically strong.

mars in the 5th house: you’re incredibly proud and competitive, making it so that you don’t accept failure. you have an explosive creative and destructive energy; you’re a natural risk-taker and gambler. active hobbies like playing sports would be very beneficial for these natives. you also tend to have a selfish nature. very sexual, love is a way for you to express yourself. sex is almost an animalistic drive. even if you don’t have a particularly high sex-drive, you have this need to be admired and respected by others due to your sexual prowess, which can be very toxic and make you have this complicated relationship with sex and how you want to express it vs how you think you should be expressing it. underlying fear about not being good enough, which explains your desire to win. very sentimental and with a huge need to live life to the fullest. hurried and chaotic energy. impulsive and your pursue of excitement and adrenaline might have you involved in many relationships.

mars in the 6th house: you have a very deep need of being of service to others, to the point of forgetting to put yourself first. you’re very dedicated to your passions and eager to work hard, with a lot of energy when it comes to work life, but be careful of overworking yourself to the point of a breakdown. you can also be very irritable when others are not working as hard as you or meeting your expectations; you should work on your teamwork skills, and to be more gentler with those around you and not let your violent nature get the best of you. you should also be more attentive of your health. very calculated and disciplined. you melt when being appreciated for your efforts. you make for a strict boss but an amazing friend. you tend to see the worst in people, though, being very attentive to their flaws that should somehow be fixed. it’s not like you have bad intentions, you just have a need for improvement, seeing the potential in everything you lay your eyes on.

mars in the 7th house: your need to be constantly stimulated can have you be intensely argumentative, especially with the ones who are closest to you. you can easily offend others and have a hard time compromising, which can drive people away and make teamwork prove to be a difficulty; that and the fact that you simply desire to lead. you love being in a relationship because it prompts you to be more active, but those relationships cam have a dynamic of restlessness to them due to the constant fighting. you have a lot of romantic energy, you just need to learn to channel it in a constructive way. very energetic and creative, with a love for being challenged and provoking others just for the fun of it. even if you can be careless of what others want and only focus on your needs, you still invest a lot of time and energy into your relationships; you’re very devoted, passionate and loyal. being more open-minded and learning to be a better listener would do you wonders.

mars in the 8th house: you both crave and fear intimacy. on one hand, you might be hypersexual and very assertive about your wants and needs; on the other hand, you fear letting anyone close to you for fear of them ending up betraying you. paranoias about being cheated on by your partner; you might hold on too much and too tight to people, needing to learn to let go of that need to control the ones you love. fear of opening up and being vulnerable, yet you wouldn’t stand others acting like that towards you. sexually magnetic. you seek intense manifestation and answers to your many questions about the dark side of life, unresolved traumas, the workings of the universe, etc. transformation occurs when you conquer your paranoias and fear of losing control, and it’s through that manifestation that your energy runs at its highest. moving on might prove to be very difficult when you’ve learned to identify with that part of your life as a part of your character. this placement focuses a lot on acting out your self-expression, which was something you didn’t get to do when you were younger.

mars in the 9th house: you’re very enthusiastic about intellectual pursuits and achieving your dreams. open-minded, and a lover of discussing your ideas with others. you hate it whenever someone tries to impose their beliefs on you, but there’s a tendency for you to do do exactly that to other people, due to thinking you’re always right. you love learning and travelling. you don’t care for social status, you care for enriching your mind. you might have a complicated relationship with higher-powers and the belief of god. there’s an innate need to search for and find the Absolute Truth, and these natives might either study about these matters like god or the universe with all the urgency in the world or be very afraid to explore them. either way, they feel very strongly, nearly fanatically, about the subject of god, the universe, philosophy. it’d do you well to understand that there isn’t an Absolute Truth and that everyone is allowed to have a different outlook and perspective on life because we all go through different things that change and mold our beliefs.

mars in the 10th house: you practically demand an exciting work dynamic + public image. you want to be recognised by your unwavering determination and passion in everything you do, your willingness to work hard and take the lead; you destroy every obstacle that comes your way. though, this assertive nature can make you come off as too aggressive, leaving others who aren’t as bold with a negative impression of you. spontaneous, independent and strong-willed; you’d hate to feel like there’s anyone or anything controlling you beside yourself. which is why you might hate destiny, you’re not fond of a higher-power being the one to make things happen and not yourself. you love obstacles and you literally feel bored when there’s nothing standing between your way and what you want; you like being challenged because you believe that that’s the way for you to push your limits and build resilience. conflicts with authority; you hate those in power due to their incompetence or corruption and want to fight to change the system. secretive and mysterious nature. strong instincts. you constantly seek answers, analyse others’ intentions and actions.

mars in the 11th house: unmatched bravery. you become a leader even without the intent of doing so, your passion and bravery inspiring all those around you. social issues, problems concerning your friends or humanity as a whole are when your aggressiveness comes hardest (seriously, don’t fuck with these people’s friends). very strong sense of right and wrong. however, your sense of justice is very personal, making it sometimes difficult for you to accept differences between people. your big dreams and determination to do what must be done causes frustration when dealing with the pessimism and restrictions of your current reality. you’re a rebel through and through. cunning and unpredictable. you’re willing to sacrifice yourself if it’s for what you’re fighting for. energised by the thought of joining the whole world together to fight for the same cause. an enjoyment of friendships with a competitive edge, you might have a rival who you actually really respect. natural problem-solver.

mars in the 12th house: your problems of unresolved feelings of rage are due to the complexes you used to feel in your family. you’re likely to have been physically abused and/or bullied in your childhood, which now shows in your fear of physical confrontation, fear of being physically weak. you internalize your anger, taking it out on yourself. explosive anger that may come off at unpredictable times. this placement also indicates insecurities and a fear of not achieving anything in life. prone to delusion like a distorted sense of reality/paranoias of your friends hating you. you might get lost on your fantasies as a form of escapism. now, i know this all sounds terrible: but if you’re able to work through your anger issues, take action instead of escaping through fantasies and work on developing self-love, the potential this placement has is enormous. because no matter how many times you get knocked down, you’ll rise stronger than ever. your strength is found within. courage that comes from emotional sensitivity. sexually magnetic + mysterious aura that draws others in.

[boricuacherry-blog]

This sums up a lot of my feelings on MJ (with the allegations), it's from someone who used to be a fan. Many say there is no smoking gun in regards to the allegations, but for me the smoking gun was his own statements, along with reading about pedophiles from a csa expert that match all of his exact behaviors, as well as the exact process his victims all describe (And the disturbing photos of little boys) But here is one fan's thoughts:

As a victim of abuse, and as an adult, ironically, I worked with a pedophile for years without knowing....And I knew what to look for! Think about the ramifications of that.

I'm a huge fan of MJ...or was. You never truly stop. And I grew up loving the man and his music. I was definitely groomed...as we all were, if only to love him. And his 'people' were very careful to ensure we loved MJ the man (god?), as well as (if not more so) than his music.

But after reading the numerous court case transcripts and watching the documentaries...the ones which allow MJ to speak and his victims to be heard...it isn't the victims of MJ but his own words and actions (that I've seen/heard first hand) which concern me the most.

To explain both sides, we actually only need MJ's words and his documented actions.

I try not to be biased, despite being a victim of abuse...because I've also been accused of abuse (and exonerated)... by a former colleague so I know how it feels to be innocent but under suspicion.

The sex offender I knew is now in prison but everyone around him had to be investigated so they could be cleared. But I know firsthand how awful that process was as an innocent. So I'm careful to see both sides.

If MJ was accused once by a stranger, I would have had my doubts, but likely sided with MJ if sufficient evidence wasn't produced.

But MJ was accused again and again...and again (and again) by the closest people to him. Children and adults alike. His own staff. Families he helped. Friends. Colleagues, acquaintances and more.

This is all deeply problematic...and despite paying tens of millions in settlements again and again (which alone is worrisome), MJ consciously kept on sleeping with other people's children.

And when he had his own kids...he went to extraordinary lengths to make sure the mother wasn't part of his life with those kids. Kids who went on to have very troubled lives.

Although I don't believe MJ ever directly physically abused his own family (though he did hang baby Blanket out of a 5th floor window for a photo op).

It's relevant to say that the pedophile I worked with never abused me or anyone in front of me or close to him...so I'm never surprised when MJ's family or Macaulay says, "we never saw it." But that's the point of abuse. It doesn't happen in public or it's not meant to. Though with MJ, I believe at least a form of abuse did occur in plain sight after he spent years systematically normalizing odd behavior.

It's a fact that MJ had a giant bed in a separate wing of his child-themed Neverland Ranch, connected by one long corridor with a security system he personally installed. Which he claimed was designed to warn him if anyone was coming towards the bedroom...where he slept with other peoples' kids.

I've watched him say the latter on video. And even if he was tricked into miscommunication (it happens)...that is yet more evidence of a man unsuited to child care.

To reasonable people who ask, "did he abuse kids sexually?" I say there are many forms of abuse which can ruin lives. But 'that's not the only point.'

As a trusted adult with influence, money and power, MJ undeniably grossly abused his position of trust time and time again.

When it comes to childcare, the latter is enough to be a huge problem for 99% of average people. And if you abuse your own kids... in any way...it's somehow even worse.

We know without a shadow of a doubt that MJ repeatedly demonstrated a total lack of good decision making. Simply being involved with all these kids (often poor, vulnerable and even sick) in a way which could lead to the children feeling wronged, betrayed...abused even.

The latter is based on an endless parade of self-produced (by MJ) evidence from sanctioned interviews and court documents. I repeat....MJ's own words and actions continue to give me the most concern, as they should any reasonable person and especially parents.

Even if MJ was 100% innocent of every claim (statistically unlikely), by acting as he did...he let the possibility of abuse arise in the media and in peoples' minds.

Which unsurprisingly resulted in long painful court cases, for not just MJ, but also the kids torn between the lawyers and the parents and the media. Again, that is indisputable. And at the very least...MJ's lack of good judgment...as the most powerful adult involved...makes him responsible for that suffering. 👏

Simply by sleeping with a stranger's child or trying to be their "best friend" and ignoring the age and power dynamic...MJ and his enablers were all putting these kids' wellbeing and emotional health at risk (again and again). He without a doubt put his own needs (legal or otherwise) before these innocent kids. Again, this is indisputable based on documentary evidence.

I don't know about anyone else but I've never slept with strangers' kids, or promoted that idea as "acceptable" as MJ did in interviews. I have enough common sense and know what adults are capable of. And what I could be accused of. You just don't do it under any circumstances. Unless you believe rules/laws/morality...don't apply to you. 👈

And if you wonder why people push back so hard on the facts of this sad case...even after his death...then you need to understand that the MJ estate generates $400-800 million a year for his family and lawyers, who are the people that push back the hardest.

And fans push back...because MJ spent decades brain washing us all that he was a protector of children around the world...as his own HIStory tour claimed. And he was a good entertainer who we wanted to love.

I watched MJ's 1996 deposition video recently and was stunned at how careless/callous he was. He laughed and joked and yawned and messed about while lawyers and the authorities literally pulled his carefully built reputation through the mud.

This was a man who had the most expensive legal team in the entire world. He had months to prepare. But this was his plan. To behave like the claims, so serious they could put him away for life, were a joke.

And if that was a legal strategy, it makes him the best actor and liar on earth. And if that's true...then how could we trust anything he said.

A man child who lived in a literal make believe land based around the dream of never growing up...or more accurately never taking responsibility for his actions...Never never...land.

In many ways MJ was all the wonderful things he claimed he was...but he was also someone who was 100% guilty of gross misconduct with other peoples' children and allegedly guilty of countless cases of sexual abuse.

Even if MJ's crime was only consistently terrible judgment...it still lead to the widely proven emotional abuse of multiple children. That is enough for me as a fan...to walk away. And those who covered for him were/are equally guilty of a form of abuse against vulnerable children.

All except the victims who lied out of fear (and love). Children will defend their friends...their idol...their abusers...but as adults, and in his death, some were able to break free of their emotional dependency or fear of repercussion.

Arguably the alleged victims have had their lives destroyed twice. Once by MJ and then again by his estate, his fans, and the media.

Summary:

There are always two sides. I base my opinion on MJ's own documented words and actions. Alongside my wish for him to be innocent, but knowing my own experience with sexual predators.

It is MJ who convicted himself as guilty of child abuse. I don't know exactly what type of abuse, but any abuse (and repeated abuse) is unacceptable. And without a doubt, a number of the children he chose to be involved with were damaged through their interaction with him. The latter cannot be overstated. People focus so much on victim testimony and material evidence (which are important too, and were present at Neverland) but MJ's own response to the accusation makes it clear as day.

There are enough victims of undeniable abuse at his hands who also claim there was a sexual element to it...that I feel it is fair to say he was most likely a pedophile. More than enough kids have stated he showed them porn and gave them liquor, on top of abuse. At the end of the day, he cannot do any more harm, though his family and estate still hurt his alleged victims.

I have never bought the skin disease theory. At best, Jermaine tiptoed around it and said they were using bleaching creams in the 70s for blemishes....the fact is, you can trigger it all over your body by using those chemicals. Plus MJ went full body dark like mocha, then latte, then casper all at once...that doesn't happen. No makeup in the 70s to 80s could cover him from head to toe as he was pouring sweat.

So stop re-victimizing the victims! If you want to continue believing he's innocent, that doesn't mean it's ok to bash the accusers.

Being found not guilty in one trial against one accuser does not automatically equate to innocence. Especially with all the other allegations.

[ultyso]

(Censoring words solely because I’m not sure the word itself can be used on tumblr.)

T/W Mentions of p*dos

T/W Mentions of gr**ming

Tldr: As a CSA Survivor, voicing concerns of things I have heard people talk about on these topics in online spaces that does more damage than good to victims, survivors, and minors. I am only one voice, so please listen to all csa survivors, victims, and minors about this topic.

I don’t speak for everyone who is a CSA Survivor. We all have different experiences and feelings, some things may be less triggering or concerning for some more than others. Other CSA Survivors feel free to talk about your own feelings, experiences, and things you wished others knew as well since every CSA Survivor’s voice should be heard, not just my own.

These are my thoughts and some of the grievances I’ve had, the invalidation of my trauma, the things that have triggered back the trauma I thought I was able to heal so long ago, and I’m tired of it.

P*dophilia is not a term where you can just throw it around at anyone and everything. Be mindful where and how you use it. Do not let the severity of this word go down. It is not a joke. It is not some fun trendy buzzword. It is not a topic just for fictional media. It is a serious issue that harms so many children in the world.

Do not invalidate the trauma of victims by focusing on just fictional characters. Reporting fictional content as CP is not as helpful as you think. Investigators are on the look out to help save real children. Putting thousands of fanart/fanfics of fictional characters at the top of their feed lets p*dos hide easier and thus causes real children to still be trapped in their situation. If the fanart/fanfics is of real minors though, action should be taken.

You need to be a protector for real children. Learn the warning signs. Learn the prevention. Learn how to act if a real child has been harmed so you can help them. If you just treat it as a joke and use the word willy nilly on things that it does not actually pertain to it is immensely performative, makes it harder for investigators to find true perpetrators, and thus only hurts more kids than helps.

Clothing ≠ p*dophilia

Jfashion such as lolita and fairy kei is not p*dophilic or p*do-baiting. I don’t know why this has become the trend to call it that.

When you say this it sounds like victim blaming. “Well it’s what they wore.” Which is terrible. If you think wearing “childish” clothing is inherently sexual YOU are very much the problem.

Clothing is not what grabs p*dos attention. Clothing doesn’t do anything. It is a self expression for the wearer and that is it. For p*dos, it is the child themself they’re grossly invested in, not the clothes.

If you look at the origin of jfashion styles such as lolita, one part of the meaning is the resistance of sexualizing a person’s body. It also has nothing to do with the book so, stop equating them as the same.

Watching kid tv shows or movies, playing kid friendly video games, owning plushies or other kid toys ≠ p*dophilia

If you see an adult who is into movies/shows, toys, games made for kids chances are it could possibly be a CSA Survivor and this is their coping mechanism as a way to heal. To reclaim what was taken from them. Giving back to that inner child that never got the chance to live it. Even if they are not a CSA survivor, it could be an adult finally getting that doll they’ve wanted since they were little but could never get. Giving back to their inner child in that way. For me personally, KH is part of this for me. It has been my coping mechanism/safe haven since I was little. It is something I know I can always go back to that doesn’t bring harm to me. It’s an escapism from trauma and anxiety.

Height differences ≠ p*dophilia

An adult who is shorter than their significant other who is also an adult is not p*dophilia. A short adult is not “minor-coded.” They are just a short adult. A taller adult liking a shorter adult does NOT mean they like children. Joke or not this is inappropriate. Some adults just are not able to grow taller then others, so it feels like you are infantilizing a whole group of adult short people just because of their height. Not only that, but for survivors this can make them second guess their appropriate and safe relationships they have even more, which for some CSA Survivors it is already so hard to trust to begin with, this then can make them further associate even more things and people with their trauma that never needed to be and can cause further ptsd reactions.

A minor dating a minor one month/year younger/year older than them ≠ p*dophilia

This undermines the severity of what p*dophilia is. P*dophilia is an adult person who sexually fantasizes about, exhibits inappropriate and sexual behavior towards, has urges towards, and/or arousal towards minors. They are a sex offender/m*lestor as well if they act on those urges on a child. Thus becoming CSA.

This part is ONLY talking about minor + minor relationship: As cited from DSM-5 (wiki that has excerpt) “A person must be at least 16 years and at least 5 years older than the prepubescent child, for the attraction to be diagnosed as p*dophilia.” A 15 year old dating a 16 year old is not p*dophilia. If a 15 year old did inappropriate and non-consensual things to another minor the same age as, slightly younger than themself, or older than themself, that 15 year old would be more towards being called a juvenile/adolescent sex offender. Don’t use these terms willy nilly either, they are severe words too. Do not use them lightly for fun internet jargon.

In regards to fandom spaces. Just because someone on the internet labels themselves as something specific, does not mean this person can’t be a p*dophile based off of whatever the label is. You must always be careful with whom you interact with. They very well could be under the guise of feigning innocence and pointing fingers away from themself. Some may pretend to be one or the other and self-proclaim themself as the “good” adult. And HEAVILY emphasize this all the time. Which for me often raises a warning flag. Especially if they are in heavy contact with minors on a daily basis. Be always careful with anyone you interact with online no matter what they label themself as. You do not know who is behind the screen, so exercise extreme caution with the information you give to anyone, even if an account labels themselves as the same age as you. It could be someone pretending to be the same. Having a father who is a p*dophile, I can say, these gross people want to blend in. They’re going to feign innocence. They want to be in your line of trust. They may say things like “you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not that group of people” or “don’t trust them, trust me.” Be aware of the signs of gr**ming. This is a first tell tale sign that someone could be harmful. Some examples of warnings signs an be found here.

LGBTQIA+ ≠ p*dophilia

While there may be people who happen to be LGBTQIA+ that are a p*do, that does NOT mean everyone who is LGBTQIA+ is one. The community makes it explicitly clear that MAPS/p*dophiles are NEVER welcome in the community. It is harmful to associate them with the community too.

P*dophiles can be anywhere. In my my own experience, mine was my own father. They are in the most obvious spot and invisible to other’s eyes. They will if not often, be someone who has gained yours and other’s trust and preys heavily off of it. Such as a family member, a teacher, a doctor, a family friend, etc… They hide under this guise because what is the first thing anyone says? “Oh it couldn’t possibly be them. I know them. They’re good.”

I get wanting to know all the facts before putting a label such as p*dophile on someone. I get that some people do fake saying they were abused. I get it. When there’s a huge amount of evidence of someone being nefarious with children though, you can’t keep hiding from that truth and you need to stop supporting that person. Continuing to support those perpetrators just tells other scummy P*dos that as long as they’re well-liked enough, they too can get away with it. This only harms more children then helps.

Please put “T/W”s if you mention p*dophilia. CSA Survivors have different triggers and seeing the topic brought up willy nilly in spaces without it can be very harmful and may cause ptsd. Please be respectful to us all. Do not make a joke out of all of our suffering.

I’ve made a linktree of information on warnings signs, what to do, hotlines for victims, and more. Take action to protect real kids not just the fictional ones. That is all I ask: https://linktr.ee/CSA_Prevention_and_Help

[mediaevalmusereads]

The Alienist. By Caleb Carr. New York: Random House, 1994.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: historical fiction, mystery, suspense

Part of a Series? Yes, The Kreizler Series #1

Summary:   The year is 1896. The city is New York. Newspaper reporter John Schuyler Moore is summoned by his friend Dr. Laszlo Kreizler—a psychologist, or “alienist”—to view the horribly mutilated body of an adolescent boy abandoned on the unfinished Williamsburg Bridge. From there the two embark on a revolutionary effort in criminology: creating a psychological profile of the perpetrator based on the details of his crimes. Their dangerous quest takes them into the tortured past and twisted mind of a murderer who will kill again before their hunt is over.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: ableism, homophobia/transphobia, racism (including slurs), sexism, rape, abuse, child abuse and sexual assault, child prostitution, animal cruelty, blood, gore, violence

Overview: This book has been on my TBR list for a while, so I figured I’d finally get around to reading it. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but I was actually surprised by how much I enjoyed the reading experience. Carr writes in a way that pretty closely imitates 19th century detective fiction, and while such a style might not be for everyone, I thought it went a long way in creating atmosphere. My criticisms have mostly to do with pace and the creative decisions that probably didn’t have to be made (such as depictions of child sexual assault, use of slurs, etc), but even with those faults, I have to give Carr’s craft and research a lot of credit, so this book gets 4 stars from me.

Writing: As I mentioned above, this book mimics detective fiction of the 19th century. If you’ve read any of Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories, you might get the idea: first person, characters displaying almost whimsical behavior, stuffed with contextual details that may or may not be relevant. At first, I thought the reading experience was going to be a slog, but once I realized what Carr was trying to do, I readjusted my expectations and found the prose to be quite engaging. If you like 19th century literature, you might appreciate what Carr does, but if you find older lit to be a challenge, this book might not be the thriller you’re hoping for.

That being said, I do think there were some areas where Carr could have picked up the pace or even cut some of the contextual details. It’s obvious that Carr did a lot of research before writing this book, and it’s understandable that he would want to show off some of that research, but there were times where I felt like it was a little much.

I also think there are a lot of things in this book that will offend modern sensibilities. I recall at least one use of the N-word (which is spoken by a racist minor character) as well as remarks that make it clear that characters think same-sex intimacy is “deviant” or abhorrent. I can understand why Carr put them in his book; if we’re trying to evoke an atmosphere and make the story feel like it’s set in the 19th century, it’s not realistic to expect everyone to be accepting of gay sex or treat POC with respect. But also, I think it’s on Carr to bear the responsibility of creating plot points and characters that have those attitudes in the first place. The character who uses the N-word could have easily not done so, and characters could have been more clear that their revulsion was at child prostitution rather than same-sex relationships.

Still, I was able to follow the plot with no problem and the sentences flowed in a way that made the reading experience feel quick (no 10-line sentences, thank god). So while there may be some things I would have liked to see adjusted to fit my own tastes, I think Carr did a wonderful job of making me feel like I was reading an older work.

Plot: The plot of this book follows a group of investigators as they try to use psychology to catch a serial killer. As far as being an “original” or unique thriller, this book doesn’t necessarily deliver a plot we haven’t seen before; but what made it so interesting (at least to me) was that it was less interested in the thrill of catching the killer and more interested in thinking through the “whys.” Why did the killer do X? Why did he do Y and Z when he could have done A or B? In this sense, the suspense doesn’t come from the action or the “chase,” but from the building of ideas and a foggy picture becoming more and more clear.

If I can fault Carr for anything, it’s that I think he crafted his mystery around some subjects that are... touchy (for lack of a better word). Most of the murder victims are children - specifically child prostitutes - and a lot of the killer’s motivations are rooted in some combination of racism and exposure to abuse. If you’re looking for a book which handles these issues with sensitivity, I think you’ll be disappointed. But I have to give Carr some credit for not overly sensationalizing these things; for example, while he did include characters who were racist towards Native Americans, he also included characters who were sympathetic and who insisted on not judging tribes for their defensive violence. Not everything is perfect, and there were some moments that made me uncomfortable, but I felt like Carr painted a complex picture of 19th century America, so I was able to keep going.

Characters: The plot of this book is told from the perspective of John Schuyler Moore - a newspaper reporter who teams up with his friend, eminent psychologist Dr. Laszlo Kreizler, to catch a serial killer. As a protagonist, Moore isn’t overly compelling - he’s more like a neutral, blank slate that the reader can project themselves onto. He serves much of the same function as Watson in the Sherlock Holmes stories: to be a witness to other characters’ brilliance while occasionally making some helpful insights. Still, I didn’t outright hate Moore - he was kind and loyal, and I admired how he went out of his way to try to help people.

Kreizler, the psychologist (or “alienist” as they were called in those days), is somewhat of a Sherlockian character in that he’s eccentric, confident, and had abilities that stun the people around him. For the most part, Kreizler was fun to follow. I think the only times I got truly frustrated with him were when he would allude to some knowledge and then leave Moore in the dark - like “aha! This thing is obvious!” “What thing?” “No time to explain! I’ll tell you at dinner!” Those moments were a little irritating.

Sarah, the most prominent female character, was more complex than I expected her to be. She has clear career aspirations and doesn’t let anyone hold her back, and I liked that she was presented as this kick-ass woman who still felt human. She struggles when faced with the horrors of the murder, but she doesn’t let the horror put her off of her task. She’s confident and never seems to have a moment of self-doubt (which is refreshing). She notices interpersonal things without being boxed in as “the woman who notices emotions.” Granted, Sarah does serve some token function - she’s brought on in order to provide a “female perspective,” which was a little frustrating, but she held her own so well that my annoyance melted away.

Marcus and Lucius, the two brothers who work for the police department, are also quite charming characters. I loved how they brought technical expertise to the group by being knowledgeable about anatomy, fingerprints, photography, and the like, and I especially enjoyed the way they bickered with one another. Their presence immediately made scenes feel lighter, and they brought something of a family aspect to the whole band.

Supporting characters were well-crafted in that no two felt quite the same. Teddy Roosevelt (yes, that one) was cheerful and warm while still demanding absolute cooperation and loyalty from his men. Cyrus and Stevie - two of Kreizler’s employees - were charming, though I wish Cyrus had gotten to do more than just kind of silently stand by awaiting orders. Mary - Kreizler’s maid - was a lovely character, and I appreciated the positive disability representation we got with her, though I do not like how her character arc ended and how it related to the main plot. The crime bosses were intimidating without feeling too much like stock characters, the thugs did their job. I don’t think there was a character that was poorly written, just characters who served purposes that may or may not have been needed.

As for the murderer... we don’t get to see him very much, but I felt like I got to know him because so much of the book was focused on mapping out his life and psychology. It worked much better than books where the antagonist is looming off to the side, acting as a vaguely threatening force but not really a character, and one that doesn’t even show up until the last quarter of the book. When the killer finally does appear on page, I felt like he had been involved in the story, even without being physically present, so I was able to accept him as an active force on the narrative, not just a surprise twist at the end.

TL;DR: The Alienist is a well-crafted mystery that uses atmosphere and psychology to create an engaging mystery. While some readers may struggle with the period-like prose or the more disturbing aspects of the story, Carr creates a compelling narrative by focusing on understanding and knowledge over spectacle and action, and by using well-developed characters.

[backtothebog]

yes it's says users of all ages but I've talked about this many times. obviously I can't expect everyone to go through all the replies and reblogs. I am aware you can't know that I commented about that time and time again and I'm not gonna go too deep into that part of this conversation yet again, if you want my opinion on that you can go look (I just wanna throw in for you that the next bullet point literally highlights "students" specifically out of all of the people of all ages...but nvm)

as I later found out, even the op from the screenshot is but a teen

that fact totally changes the tone of the post, I am fully willing to admit that, but it still only supports the core thesis

I realize many "terfs" are teens

that's part of the problem, actually

do you not realize the irony? (I don't mean to be condescending, that's a genuine question, I don't demand an answer, just maybe, maybe ask yourself that question as well)

I say "terfs go after young people"

you say "not true, there's many teen terfs"

so I ask myself: how do you become "teen terfs"? where are they coming from?

I did eventually realize that I misjudged the tone of the original post and yet the majority of the replies were minors "whining" about how wrong I would be about terfs targeting children (even though I didn't even explicitly state that)

also I am talking about targeting to "recruit" young people, if you can call it that, to follow hate ideology and not about grooming in the sense of sexual assaulting minors.

I may cite what I wrote again:

"[...] they actively seek out especially [note: not exclusively] young people to convert them to their vile fascist views"

quite a provocative statement, I admit, but it's very clear I don't talk about terfs being sexual predators like you tried to put in my mouth. I haven't even used "children", specifically. or those loaded terms you used that often are used to mean some sort of sexual abuse like "grooming" or "preying", let alone "sexual abuse" itself - I don't even know how you got there

I don't know if you purposely misunderstood me or if you think that's the only way of getting coerced into something, if the latter: it's not. some things can be predatory without being about sex. to make a harsh comparison: neo nazis or other extremists spread their ideas around young people - who are still trying to find themselves - without wanting to have sex with them. what they want is more extremists. I'm quite sure you'll be offended by that comparison, which is why I won't further elaborate on why I made it. just please know you can be preyed on without it being to be coerced to have sex, in case you don't already know that

and this is why I won't engage in the talk you asked me about because that is so far from the point. so far.

and even if it wasn't, I'm not a crusader. I'm not here to argue, even if it might seem otherwise. I realize I stirred some shit up by posting that and it would be naive to expect no reactions whatsoever from terfs but this post was not for you. this is not an invitation for a discussion. I get the need to discuss if something is about you, but still it wasn't for you.

obviously, you can talk to me if I haven't blocked you, and i haven't blocked you, specifically, yet, but eventually I will block you. but I'm not here to talk to you. (I know some people see blocking as cowardice for lack of proper arguments but the arguments are right there within reach. I'm just too tired to pull them out. I'm not here to pick fights, I'm here to have some fun. and I'll block everyone who is stealing my fun.)

because for my peace of mind I try to interact (maybe not about terfs but) with terfs as little as possible because imo it's a waste of energy. I could have all the receipts saved and ready (or just google some on the spot, it's not that hard to find good and scientifically backed sources to counter most terf arguments) and you would probably still think I talk bs

maybe it's my prejudice against terfs speaking and you would actually be open for a calm discussion, but from what I've learned, even if you deliver rational arguments and indisputable proof, most terfs will still not listen. just as those fighting against terfs won't listen to the terfs either. because in those talks no one is intending of actually challenging their own believes (at least not during those "discussions"). I'm not wasting more time and energy on someone who most likely won't even care what I wrote

and lastly and frankly, and I'm sure you will be pleased to hear that I can't provide you any names about terfs that sexually groomed/harassed/assaulted minors but that's because it's totally not at all what I'm talking about. I understand why that might be of genuine interest for you as you should avoid those people for your own safety but I don't bother if a terf is also a sexual predator.

that's a whole other thing that has nothing to do with their transphobia, I would assume. that's bad for a whole different, unrelated reason. If I found out a singular terf was a child rapist I wouldn't assume all terfs are child rapists even though I would despise that certain person for being a child rapist. them being also a bigot and me disliking them for being a bigot as well would probably not be linked to them committing that sort of crime. which is why I'm not accusing terfs of sexually grooming children, never have

I've read that it happened but that's all hearsay for me that I didn't investigate any further. might be smear campaign, might be a disgusting individual. It might happen, i don't know. I don't think that's a "textbook terf thing", I wouldn't think it is.

so if you actually want to find out about that you probably have to dig deeper and ask the right people and you will surely find answers (because you will find sexual predators in literally any "group" of people in the wider sense, no matter who they are and what they believe in) but the issue with terfs is literally not that they're a group that sexually assault children and that's no claim I'm making.

In general, if you want to hear a different perspective on opposing/exposing transphobic views, I'm not the person to talk to, simply because I don't want to talk to you about that, no offense. but there's plenty of people that will. just not me. please leave me be. I'm too exhausted for this.

Just fyi, I got many replies/comments on this post by ex-terfs/almost-terfs that talked about toxic environments and preying they experienced, so maybe you should look through the notes after all, if you liked to. because that was the other half of people reacting to this post.

Just like you won't be able to convince me your ideology is correct, I doubt I could reach you even if I tried. I don't think there's any basis for an actual conversation here, feel free to correct me, but I don't want to further talk to you nonetheless. However, you will surely find a different person to talk to if you are honestly, genuinely interested in hearing the other perspective.

tl;dr:

kids wanting to talk to fellow kids isn't an issue. kids being exposed to hate and bigotry and being dragged into it through adults is the problem. and no, I will not further elaborate (and won't fight further with teenagers, especially minors)

terfs really don’t even try to hide the fact that they actively seek out especially young people to convert them to their vile fascist views

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

important question that's been bugging me for a while. since hypmic plays in a female powered society.. does that make everything like..our world but reverse? so that guys are more often oppressed and girls are more likely to be predators, taking what happened to hifumi (like men are more likely to us) and stuff like that? (or like if we imagine everything genderbent and apply our society to that) sorry I hope this is not too triggering. love your work!

This is a delicate question. I am going to put my answer below a cut. Topics included: sexual predators, misogyny, assault, kidnapping, the mistreatment of male sexual assault victims

I don’t think that I’m necessarily the best person to answer this or examine this. I’m not educated enough in this particular topic. However, I have tried to give it as much thought and respect as I can.

The Question of Female Predators

This is a very complex topic. Female predators are already not uncommon in the world we live in, so I guess the question of whether there would be more or less female predators depends on what factors contribute to people becoming a predator.

I could be entirely wrong about this, but I think one factor that causes a lot of fear of being preyed upon is the size difference between most AMAB people and AFAB people. Obviously, there are millions of exceptions to this rule, but AMAB people generally tend to be taller, more muscular, and broader than AFAB people. The majority of AMAB people are also men (whereas the majority of AFAB people are women), so on average, an altercation between an untrained man and an untrained woman is not likely to end in the woman’s favor. This isn’t going to change in the world of Hypnosis Mic.

It’s the societal factors that would change. The Center for Hope and Safety says, “A sexual offender generally believes he is better than other people and so does not have to follow the rules that ordinary people do.” This is a stance the Party of Words elevates. The Party constantly practices “othering” and promotes themselves as an elite group. Only they are allowed to enter a certain area. Only they are allowed to write the name of their ward in kanji, whereas every other location must use the foreign-looking katakana. ARB events frequently feature Party members shoving characters around from place to place with no explanation, as questions are not allowed. Only the Party can know what’s going on. Using this as a guideline, I think it’s very possible for predators already within the Party to use this as an excuse for being a predator. “Men are worthless, so I can abuse them.”

You could argue that the Party is founded on the principles of safety for women and non-violence, but the Party is also very hypocritical. Its promises of safety are only for the party itself; it puts on painful gladiator battles to turn a profit and purposefully cause infighting to keep the Party safe. Ramuda even suggests (and I have no reason to disbelieve him) in TDD 12 that they have a stockpile of weapons as well. The Party doesn’t care for anything but itself and staying in power.

So yes, predators within the Party are probably more likely to abuse their power, but would the shift towards a female-dominated society create more female predators? That’s a much harder question to answer. I am not remotely equipped to speak on what causes someone to become a predator. I do, however, think that societal norms can enable predators or foster mindsets of fright against certain groups.

In the world that we live in, it is very possible for men in certain areas to sexually assault or otherwise mistreat a woman and be applauded by their communities. Think of online communities such as “The Red Pill” or “Men Going Their Own Way”. Such communities believe that women deserve this mistreatment, and while these are very extreme examples, this same mindset permeates a lot of global societies. Even on a small scale, a lot of men tend to make casual sexist comments because we were raised with the notion of this being socially appropriate. And there’s the issue - it’s inappropriate, but it’ll continue to be socially appropriate as long as we don’t continue to challenge ourselves, challenge our friends, and raise our children with better standards of accountability and respect. These social changes do not happen in the blink of an eye, and I highly doubt that a single three years with the Party of Words in power would change that.

Similarly, a lot of girls in our societies are taught (both consciously and subconsciously) to defer to their male peers or even to fear men in positions of power. Once again, unlearning this and teaching future generations more positive standards does not happen overnight. I doubt that most women in the Hypmic universe are able to make radical shifts of thinking and acting over the course of three years. Furthermore, I doubt that many men are really taking the Party’s misandristic words to heart. None of the main characters seem particularly bothered by Ichijiku calling them barbarous fools on the regular; it’s an annoyance, sure, but that’s it. We’d have to see the Party in power for a much longer time to witness any large societal changes.

Additionally, the world inside Chuuouku and the world without are quite different. While Chuuouku boasts state-of-the-art architecture and technology, the rest of Japan gets by like normal, if perhaps in a bit shabbier fashion than to be expected for this futuristic world. Men and women seem to still fit into stereotypical gender roles in much the same way that they do today. Doppo’s bosses are all men; the majority of doctors we see are men, and the nurses tend to be women. While some of Jirou’s female classmates seem to be especially assertive, male and female students get along in the same way as we would expect to see in our world. Women are still kidnapped and trafficked by primarily male yakuza. The former military looks to be exclusively made up of men. Progress moves slowly, so I think we can assume that the Japan outside of Chuuouku is approximately our modern Japan.

One of the major issues in examining this topic is that we see so little female-male interaction in regards to sex or romance. Ramuda and Hifumi are the only characters (that I can think of off the top of my head) who have any on-screen sexually/romantically charged interactions with women, but probably because this is a series largely marketed towards women, these interactions never go beyond light, impersonal flirting. To really take a look at how predators and assault may be featured in the Hypmic universe, we would need a much larger sample size. That being said, I’d still like to examine two case studies: Nemu and Hifumi.

Nemu

The two driving forces of Nemu’s character are her rejection of violence and her desire to have personal strength. The first of these is probably rooted in her childhood, from living with an abusive father, witnessing his violent murder, and witnessing the subsequent suicide of her mother. Samatoki doesn’t appear to have any resources for dealing with his own processing of these events, and he turns to violence and emotional outbursts as a way to channel his feelings. This violence continues to wear on Nemu, but she can still withstand it under normal circumstances up until the moment she is kidnapped.

Nemu cites her kidnapping as an example of her weakness, when in reality, it is an exhibition of anything but weakness. She remains calm throughout the entire ordeal, comforts Jirou and Saburou and keeps them hopeful, throws her shoe at Genchou, and offers him to cut her fingers off if that means the others will be spared. Nemu isn’t weak – she is a hero. She is a seventeen year old girl who lost both parents at a young age and has witnessed horrifically traumatic situations, yet she keeps her head during a hostage situation and acts with courage in order to keep everyone else safe.

Nemu calls herself weak not because she thinks she’s weak for anything she did during the situation, but because the situation happened to her in the first place. She is victim blaming herself for violent assault. This isn’t a logical position, but it’s a very understandable position for someone with her background. Unfortunately, Samatoki doesn’t have the knowledge or resources in order to help her process her trauma safely, and his own coping mechanisms only set her off further.

Nemu isn’t mentally weak, but she is very emotionally vulnerable. Even without the Party’s hypnosis, an offer from the Party would be too tantalizing to ignore. They can promise her a world in which suddenly she has the power over everyone else and where violence is not practiced. An offer like this is impossible for her to ignore. Even though the Party are the ones putting her in jeopardy again, they implicitly promise her that she can never be hurt again. For a young, brave, powerful girl holding in so much pain, that promise is everything she’s ever wanted.

As mentioned before, the Party doesn’t care about stopping violence. In fact, it encourages infighting among its civilians. If Nemu were not in an emotionally vulnerable position, she could see that and reject the Party’s offer, but that’s exactly why the Party targets her and not any of her peers. Imagine how many other young girls in similar situations fall prey to the same trap. These girls need healing and positive environments, but they are fed propaganda instead.

Hifumi

I don’t talk about this much because it’s a very uncomfortable subject for me, but the way Hifumi is depicted is a real tragedy.

We don’t know the details of what this particular girl did to Hifumi, but we do know that it continues to impact him over ten years later. We know that Hifumi developed his coping strategy on his own, seemingly without professional help, and that without it, he can’t begin to live even an approximation of a normal life. The illustrations of him encountering a woman show him hiding, cowering with his neck covered, or crying. He looks to be in genuine fear of losing his life. Consider being this afraid of half of the population and how frequently he must encounter women in his daily life: on the street, in the grocery store, on public transportation. Without the jacket, Hifumi’s life is a nightmare.

And yet the canon source material frames it as a joke. The humurous background music in ARB and Hifumi’s exaggerated gestures in the manga show that his fear and discomfort is a punchline. This would definitely not be a funny gag with the genders reversed (a woman sobbing in fear and running away every time she sees a man), so it is a travesty that this is the stance the authors continue to take.

The world we live in is, generally speaking, not kind to its male assault victims. Misogynistic attitudes create an environment in which it is shameful for men to admit that they were assaulted, especially by women. It should not be a punchline when one human being hurts another, and it is wrong and sexist beyond all belief to perpetuate the idea that women can’t be cruel, violent, and manipulative just as much as anyone else can.

I would like to hope that Hifumi’s case isn’t indicative of all Hypmic universe male assault victims, but I don’t think that’s the case. Hifumi definitely has access to mental health resources, considering that his roommate does, but there is no evidence that Hifumi has ever come forward to ask for help about this issue. This is probably a combination of Hifumi’s internal shame and an unsupportive environment. While Doppo does help Hifumi navigate daily life around women, Doppo’s facial expressions suggest he considers the matter a nuisance. He threatens to take away or withhold the suit when Hifumi’s coping method annoys him, and otherwise doesn’t seem to take Hifumi’s distress seriously. Jakurai appears to be more supportive, but he doesn’t ever offer additional help or resources to Hifumi beyond what Hifumi already has. In fact, the majority of Jakurai’s interest in the subject seems to be around examining Hifumi like a case rather than as a person needing assistance.

It’s also probably a result of the faux macho attitudes that are rampant within the Hypmic universe. Hypmic men are bound by a multitude of ridiculous expectations that I always feel like an idiot translating. “Men don’t cry.” “Men don’t get stuck feeling disappointed.” Absolute nonsense. Men can and will do anything, just like any other group of people. It’s far more productive to encourage men to be their best selves, respectful and helpful to themselves and everyone else, than to feed into this sort of behavior which implies the hideously false “men can’t be assaulted”.

This all results in Hifumi living a double life and only being able to remove his façade in the safety of his own apartment or with his two friends. That’s a miserable existence, and while Hifumi appears to be cheerful enough, it’s sickening to see that this is supposed to be comedic.

The Question of Male Oppression

The Party of Words does institute laws to oppress men, but this oppression is fairly ridiculous. Yotsutsuji says that men are taxed at a higher rate than women and that men aren’t allowed into certain areas (such as Chuuouku, I presume). Despite these challenges, the majority of Hypmic universe men seem to lead pretty normal lives. As mentioned above, the professional fields still appear to be dominated by men, and male-on-female violence doesn’t seem much different from how it is in our contemporary world. These laws aren’t making a significant change in male lives, so they must be made to impact women. Yet these are token impacts only, as they don’t in any way actually make the lives for non-Chuuouku women any better. By making this an “us against them” deal, the Party is able to make more women sympathetic to their cause and cause more infighting (thus distracting people from “us against the Party”) without actually having to make positive changes for anyone.

These laws also aren’t the reason why rebel groups exist. Consider the motivations each character gives in TDD 11. Ichirou mentions a lack of central law and regulations making it difficult to keep loved ones safe. The infighting that the Party promotes via its rap battles allows for power-hungry individuals like Mozuku to take over whole areas and instate whatever rules they want, no matter the cost to the citizens. Samatoki is frustrated by being directed to fight when he can’t see a good cause; similarly, Ramuda is concerned about the effects of the fighting on the neighborhoods they pass through. Even with non-lethal weapons, a country in constant conflict is not one in which its citizens can prosper. Jakurai is concerned about inequalities between Chuuouku and the rest of the country. He mentions in FP/M 15 (which we’ll have up in a few days for you to see for yourself) that he’ll use the prize money from winning the DRB to provide medical care for locations that the Party can’t or won’t supply with aid. Later in the chapter, he drives away from the spectacular, futuristic city of Chuuouku back into a Tokyo marked with graffiti and squalor. Even the male citizens don’t care about how they’re treated as compared to their female counterparts; they care that everyone is suffering together under the Party’s poor governing.

The Party has never sought to oppress men and elevate women. The Party’s goal is to elevate itself and oppress everyone else. The gender inequality is as much of a diversionary tactic as the Division Rap Battle.

[a-room-of-my-own]

A bit of reading : orwomen.()scot/did-you-know/?fbclid=IwAR0H7TqxQNqemZcAGFtvR_HLkbkxmZ4FY6srcgrULWxGPyWuc6QPTmDQfVI

Did you know…

…that 80-95% of people who say they are trans choose to have no medical treatment at all – no surgery, no drugs, not even therapy? Transwomen are just male people who subjectively believe that they are female. That’s it. That is all that’s required.

Despite some commentators describing an “epidemic of violence against trans people“, transwomen are no more likely to be murdered than anyone else, and the best data available shows it’s half as likely. In Scotland, zero have been killed. In fact, transwomen are almost twice as likely to be the perpetrator of a murder than to be murdered in the UK, which is not surprising since a male pattern of violence is retained regardless of any transition or cross-dressing.

The 48% of trans youth have attempted suicide statistic is nonsense too. It was based on just 27 trans people (aged 26 and under), from a self-selecting online survey – which made the data worthless. Yet that hasn’t stopped the TIE Campaign peddling similar in Scottish schools (or is it 27%, they seem confused?), contrary to Samaritans advice on avoiding attributing the cause to any one incident. The NHS Gender Identity Development Service actually says “suicide is extremely rare” and rates of self-harm, distress and suicide ideation are similar to other children seen by CAMHS.

Did you know that 1 in 50 males in prison now self-id as trans according to Ministry of Justice figures? If it is so dangerous to be trans why do so many choose to come out when in jail?

Were you aware that 95% of prisoners are men, and 5% women? That most women in prison are there for financial crime, and most men are in for violent offending. Did you know that men commit 98% of sex offences? That 48% of transwomen prisoners are sex offenders (compared to less than 20% in the general male estate) and would swamp the female estate if they all transferred.

What makes these convicted sex offenders, who were born male, women? Why should female prisoners be locked up with rapists if they say “I am a woman”? Are you willing to be in a prison cell with a male rapist on that basis? And if not, do you think other women should be? Are you aware that women have already been sexually assaulted and raped, in several countries, because of this policy?

Did you know that Scotland already has a policy significantly more liberal than England’s, stating that transgender prisoners must normally be housed according to the “social gender” with which they self-identify? And that this policy was brought in by a senior prison officer, himself now a convicted sex offender? A policy put in place without even talking to women’s groups or considering that there would be any impact on female prisoners at all. Despite warnings of abuse, including from former women’s prison governor Rhona Hotchkiss, the promised policy review has not been forthcoming.

What about women’s refuges, have you considered what it could do to a woman fleeing male violence to encounter a male in that refuge? Read why the CEO of a domestic violence charity, Karen Ingala Smith, considers it imperative that refuges remain women-only, and her speech at the Scottish Parliament.

Did you know that a woman was asked to leave a shelter because, as a rape survivor, she couldn’t sleep in the same room as a strange male, regardless of how he identified? Are you aware that a man used self-id to access a women’s shelter where he sexually assaulted vulnerable women? Are you aware that a rape relief shelter in Canada lost all public funding for insisting they remain women-only, and had a dead rat nailed to their door?

Are you aware that the Scottish Government imposes a transwomen inclusive policy on Scottish Women’s Aid as a condition of funding and that Rape Crisis Scotland refused to guarantee a female counsellor for a traumatised teenager? We know from private meetings that they erroneously believe they cannot provide a single-sex service due to a lack of ‘case law’, despite having previously done so for many years. Did you know there is a male manager of a rape crisis centre, who failed to disclose his sex at interview, and which still claims to be women-led?

Are you aware that despite less than half of changing rooms in swimming pools and sports centres being mixed sex, 90% of sexual assaults have happened in them? Yet mixed-sex, ‘gender-neutral’ facilities are constantly pushed, including in schools – contrary to law and building regulations requiring separate sex provision – when it would be more responsible to increase third space unisex provision for the comfort of those who need it.

That’s before you even get into the issue of how to keep out predatory men who aren’t trans, if you say that any man who ‘identifies as a woman’ can use communal changing/showering areas at will. A man exposing himself in a park commits a crime. A man doing so in a women’s changing room, where you’re also naked, who need not have even told staff he identifies as a woman, may no longer be committing an offence.

Did you know that the Scottish Government funded LGBT Youth Scotland, a spin-off group from Stonewall, to write guidance for schools that breaches children’s rights in at least eleven ways? This includes the unscientific belief in gender identity, which even the Justice Minister is at a loss to define, the promotion of harmful breast binding and the removal of all single-sex spaces and sports. No-one should be surprised at this as Stonewall have long campaigned for the removal of women’s rights, although single issue political pressure groups should have been no-where near schoolchildren.

It took the Government until June 2019 to commit to replacing this guidance, having privately received advice that it was “not legal“. Yet, this new legally compliant guidance is seven months overdue and the Education Minister is refusing to withdraw LGBTYS’s guidance in the interim.

Why should we accept smear tests from any male who feels they have a womanly gender identity – what does that even mean (let’s ask the Justice Minister again)? And yes, it is happening. A rape survivor who wanted a woman to carry out her breast screening found her letter used as an example in hospital trans guidance as ‘unacceptable’ and ‘highly discriminatory’. And a woman in a psychiatric ward who was terrified at being locked in a ward with an “extremely male-bodied” fellow patient was regarded as a transphobic bigot. The truth is that women in mixed-sex hospital wards, particularly psych, have very real reasons to fear men.

Did you know that 35 clinicians have resigned from the Tavistock (children’s gender clinic in London) over their failings, including the Governor? Who later wrote a damning account of the abject failure to heed evidence that their affirmation-only policy is harmful to children, especially to the huge influx in girls who may suffer other complex problems, such as trauma, autism, a history of sexual abuse or discomfort with their developing sexuality. A staggering 48% of children referred to Tavistock have ASD traits, and a BBC Newsnight investigation revealed significant numbers of children seeking transition treatment based on their family’s homophobia.

Are you aware that studies show that puberty blockers result in 100% of children progressing to cross-sex hormones – whereas, if left unmedicated, the Tavistocks’s own research shows over 90%, if supported by counselling, are happy with their sex once they emerge from puberty. Did you know hormone blockers may cause sterility, a large decrease in IQ, bone density loss, and more? An investigation by the Health Review Authority concluded that blockers are really the start of irreversible physical transition and recommended that “Researchers and clinical staff should…avoid referring to puberty suppression as providing a ‘breathing space’, to avoid risk of misunderstanding.” This led to a major overhaul of the NHS UK website which no longer considers blockers to be fully reversible and confirms long-term effects are unknown.

The young person’s gender clinic at Sandyford, Glasgow has recently withdrawn their information booklet and we trust it will be similarly updated. Do you think all the government funded trans organisations will be scrupulous in updating their information too – including LGBT Youth guidance in Dumfries and Galloway, Scottish Trans/NHS guidance, and Stonewall advice, among many more, including of course the already deemed “not legal” school guidance by LGBT Youth?

Are you aware that the number of children referred to Sandyford is rising at a faster rate than the rest of the UK? Yet they don’t actually know how many girls have been referred as children can select what sex they want recorded on medical records – although unofficially, clinicians report similar concerns as elsewhere about the huge proportional rise in young girls seeking to transition. Did you know that bias, and not evidence, dominates the WPATH transgender standard of care followed in Scotland? And it is woefully out-of-date considering the fundamental change in patient make up since it was written in 2011.

Read the speech given by Dr David Bell at the Scottish Parliament and consider why, if his report about issues at the Tavistock prompted the Director to resign, was it not enough for the Health Minister, Jeane Freeman, to instigate an enquiry into identical practices at Sandyford? Perhaps the Government will listen to the outcome of a Judicial Review that is being sought by Keira Bell, a detransitioning woman, who wants to protect other troubled young girls from similar treatment.

Are you aware that women with our views are threatened with violence, rape and death, almost as an everyday occurrence? We are told TERF is not a slur, but I challenge you to find any instances of it being used without abuse or threats attached to it. Do you think it’s in any way acceptable for lesbians to be on the receiving end of these menaces for asserting, or even just trying to be proud of, their right to be same-sex attracted? Do you really think there’s such a thing as a lesbian with a penis?

All that hate is from transactivists, and is aimed at women with our views. I challenge you to find anything remotely equivalent from here, from our recorded talks, or indeed anywhere else. This is NOT a case of two sides as bad as each other. And it’s notable that the hate is not aimed at genuinely transphobic, aggressive men. It’s aimed at women. It’s aimed at us.

And JK Rowling. Read the tweets she posted and look at the replies. Read the essay further explaining her thoughts and ask how anyone could possibly think she deserved such atrocious abuse, or how transactivists thought it in any way acceptable to post penis images in retaliation (don’t worry, it’s been edited!) on a child’s thread about Ickabog art.

Did you know women can be, and often are, fired for believing sex is real, that humans cannot change sex, and women and girls are entitled to privacy when undressing or otherwise vulnerable? And yet poll, after poll, after poll, after poll show that this is the majority view, by at least 80%. You may well wonder why then, is the Scottish Government proposing to bring in Hate Crime legislation that would see even JK Rowling imprisoned for up to seven years for expressing views deemed abusive by transactivists, yet affords women no such protection in law, based on their sex.

Innate gender identity is a belief system. There’s no evidence one exists. If our Government cannot even define it, then it should not be presented as fact to our children. It should not over-ride women’s hard fought for rights.

Do you know that the very word ‘woman’ will change definition, if the trans lobby succeed? If we can’t define what a woman is, how can we accurately capture data? How can we record male violence, the pay gap, our representation in government, business, finance, law, media…anywhere? Police Scotland already record incidences on the basis of gender identity, but can’t seem to recall when, or why that happened, and the census looks to be going the same way, despite the importance of recognising sex being shown quite dramatically by COVID-19.

An influential lobby loudly insisting that they won’t be erased (when trans organisations are heavily state funded and train all major businesses, branches of government, school teachers, universities and NHS boards) are actively campaigning to erase the very definition of what a woman is – best archive it, just in case! Have you noticed how easy it is to define a woman when we’re being aborted, subjected to FGM, married off, denied the vote, raped, murdered, paid less, represented less in every single sector of government and industry, expected to perform most of the world’s unpaid labour, and constituting 71% of the world’s modern slaves? The only places that seem unsure on what a woman is are the places feminism was starting to make inroads. It’s almost like there must be some sort of a connection, isn’t it?

We don’t have any fear, resentment or hatred for trans people. We agree there should be protection in law against discrimination and violence. We just don’t agree that our rights need to be railroaded over in the process. We don’t agree that male people should access women’s spaces, or benefit from women’s provision, at will, without our consent. Our name is WOMEN and our rights matter.

Don’t you agree…?

[uncloseted]

So I've had a conversation with a friend, and he was telling me that gay people are not Born gay but become gay because of social experiences and I called that homophobic he got really offended and said he was not that he didn't care if someone is gay or not but it's a fact and a point made by many psychologists that people become gay because of their environment, I said what I found homophobic was the implication it's like a mental disease he said he didn't believe it was a disease but that if you say it's inherent it's like saying it's genetic which it's not and that the same person has different chances of becoming gay according to their family and socio cultural experiences. It did got me thinking, are you aware of such studies and their revelance?

The answer to the question “what makes people gay” is really nuanced and I think probably more complicated than you might have expected.  I’ll get into explaining those nuances the best that I can in a second, but I think the best answer to your friend’s argument is just that he has the correlation and causation backwards.  

People who are raised in environments where being LGBT+ is permissible aren’t more likely to be gay; they’re just more likely to come out of the closet because they know they’ll be accepted and that they won’t be in any danger.  In places where homophobia is rampant, of course there appear to be fewer LGBT+ people- the LGBT+ people who are out in those places are disowned, harassed, bullied, attacked, and sometimes killed.  It makes sense that more LGBT+ people would opt to stay in the closet in a situation where violence is a possibility.  This comes out in the data; although it appears that more gay men live in costal cities in the US, the percentage of internet porn searches for gay male porn are the same across all states, around 5%.

Moving on to the “causes” of homosexuality, it’s likely a lot of different things in combination, and there’s not exactly a scientific consensus just yet.  Male homosexuality may have different causes than female sexuality and bisexuality, and trans identities are also a separate set of factors.  For the purposes of this conversation, let’s focus on male homosexuality, as it’s the most studied.

First, a couple of things that it’s not: per the Royal College of Psychiatrists, there’s no evidence that parenting or early childhood experiences play a role in sexual orientation.  Per the American Academy of Pediatrics, “there is no scientific evidence that abnormal parenting, sexual abuse, or other adverse life events influence sexual orientation. Current knowledge suggests that sexual orientation is usually established during early childhood.”  Children who grow up to be non-heterosexual are, on average, substantially more gender non-conforming in childhood (even if they’re bullied for it), supporting the idea that sexuality is established early in life.  Sexual orientation is not a choice (here, here, and here).  In (old, unethical) studies where newborn and infant boys were surgically reassigned into girls and raised as girls, they did not become more feminine or male-attracted than their AMAB counterparts.  Socialization does not induce feminine behaviors in men or make them attracted to men. “Nurture” is a lot stronger than “nature” in this case.  There are no scientifically rigorous studies that support the idea that sexuality can be changed after birth, whether through surgical treatments, lobotomies, hormone treatments, electric chock treatments, aversion therapy, hypnosis, psychoanalysis, or any other type of conversion treatment.  I would love to see his sources on all of these psychologists who supposedly believe people are gay due to their social environment.

Sexual orientation appears to be a complex interplay of biological and environmental (but not social) factors. Nonsocial, biological factors have more evidence to support them than environmental factors, particularly in homosexual men.  So your friend isn’t entirely wrong, although he’s right for the wrong reasons.  Environment is a factor, and so is family (since that’s where you get your genes and epigenetics from) but homosexuality is inherent.

Let’s start with strictly biological factors that go into sexual orientation.

One of the biggest hypotheses for the cause of homosexuality is the impact of hormones on a developing fetus. I’m going to skip over a lot of biology here, but basically the core of this theory is that gay men’s brains may have been exposed to less testosterone in the womb than their heterosexual counterparts, had less receptivity to the masculinizing effects of the testosterone, or experienced fluctuations in hormones at key times in their development.  In women, it’s hypothesized that the opposite is true- lesbians may have been exposed to higher levels of testosterone.  This is supported by right hand finger digit ratios (the length of the index finger divided by the length of the ring finger), which are a marker of prenatal testosterone exposure- lesbians have a lower digit ratio than heterosexual women, while gay men have a higher digit ratio than straight men.  Gay men may have been exposed to more testosterone than their straight counterparts for a number of different reasons, including maternal immune response and fraternal birth order, genes, epigenetics, and prenatal environmental chemical exposure.  We’ll go over each of those below:

Maternal immune responses during fetal development are demonstrated as being a cause of male homosexuality.  During pregnancy of a male child, male cells enter a mother’s bloodstream.  These cells are foreign to the mother, and so her body develops antibodies to neutralize them.  Again, skipping over a lot of nitty-gritty biology here, but basically, the more pregnancies a woman has, the better her body gets at neutralizing male cells (particularly, Y-linked antigens) and the more antibodies she has against those Y-linked antigens.  

In turn, this creates what’s known as the “fraternal birth order effect”- basically, the more male sons a woman has, the more likely it is that her next son will be gay.  One study found that each additional older brother increases the odds of a man being gay by 33%.  Researchers have found that mothers with a gay son have heightened levels of antibodies to the NLGN4Y Y-protein than mothers with heterosexual sons.  The fraternal birth order effect is estimated to account for between 15 and 29% of male homosexuality.  Some studies have identified structural differences in the brains of homosexual men as opposed to heterosexual men that are due to prenatal hormonal exposure.  For example, straight men typically have right hemispheres that are 2% larger than their left, while in gay men the two hemispheres are typically the same size. 

Genes also play a role in sexual orientation.  Identical twins are more likely to share a sexual orientation than fraternal twins or adopted siblings (an estimated 80% of identical twins share a sexual orientation).  The largest study on the genetic basis of sexuality, published in Science, determined that there are at least five different genes that are correlated with homosexuality.  The genes identified do all sorts of different things, and some have functions that are yet to be determined.  An estimated 25% of sexual behavior is attributed to genetics.  Another study found that maternal female relatives of homosexual men tend to have more offspring, suggesting that genetic material that promotes fertility in women and homosexuality in men is being genetically passed down on the X chromosome.  Researchers estimated that this explains about 20% of genetic homosexuality (which is right in line with the estimate that there are four other genes involved).

Epigenetic factors also impact a person’s sexuality.  Epigenetic changes are changes in gene activity that are not caused by changes to the DNA sequence itself.  Epigenetic factors can “turn on” or “turn off” the expression of certain genes.  Per an article from The Guardian, “think of DNA as an orchestral score, the notes on the page unchanging. But the annotations on the manuscript will dictate how the music sounds, with crescendo and lento and adagio. The conductor and orchestra play their annotated manuscript, and each performance is unique, even when the original scores are identical.”  Epigenetic marks can be “turned on” or “turned off” during gestation as well as after birth.  Researchers hypothesize that epigenetic factors change how cells respond to androgen signaling, which is critical to sexual development.  Like we talked about above, fetal levels of exposure to the androgen, testosterone, seem to impact sexual orientation.  In gay men, the epigenetic marks responsible for managing the amount of testosterone the fetus is exposed to are thought to be too aggressive, blocking testosterone from reaching the fetus. This is pretty new research still, so the evidence to support it is limited, but one study found that the methylation pattern (the epigenetic change) in nine regions of the genome appeared to be linked to sexual orientation, and could use it to predict the sexual orientation of a group with 70% accuracy. 

There are a handful of statistical physiological differences between gay and straight man in addition to the difference in brain hemisphere size I mentioned above.  These are averages across populations, so they may not apply to each and every homosexual or heterosexual individual.  The suprachiasmatic nucleus of the hypothalamus is larger in gay men than in non-gay men.  The INAH 3 in the brains of gay men are the same size as the INAH 3 in women; both are smaller than in heterosexual men’s brains. Homosexual and heterosexual brains respond differently to two putative sex pheromones.  The amygdala is more active in gay men than straight men when exposed to sexual material.  Gay men are more likely to be left handed or ambidextrous than straight men.  Gay men are more likely to have a counterclockwise hair whorl than the general population, which is also correlated with left handedness.  Gay men have increased ridge density in the fingerprints on their left thumbs and little fingers compared to straight men.  These are all minor, but support the idea that there is a biological basis to homosexuality.

Now that we’ve gotten through the biological factors, let’s talk environmental.  When we say, “environmental” people usually think of the environment a child is raised in- who they parents are, how their parents act, who their friends are, what kind of activities they do, etc.  But in this case, that’s not what we mean.  The impact of a person’s environment after birth seems to have a weak effect on sexual orientation at best; there is no substantial evidence to suggest that early childhood experiences influence sexual orientation at all.  So in that case, what do we mean by “environmental”?  We’re really talking about the environment the mother was in during the pregnancy, and the prenatal environment that the fetus experienced (the hormonal influences that we talked about above).  These may include things like maternal exposure to anti-androgenic chemicals and endocrine disruptors while pregnant.  However, given that homosexual people have always been present, even pre-industrialization, these factors cannot be considered central to what causes homosexuality. 

[goldenpinof]

so basically here’s a script of “Basically I’m gay” by Daniel Howell, if someone needs it

link to a google doc

Hello Internet.

«Sex! Secrecy! And a whole lot of internal screaming. Starring Daniel Howell. One of the greatest mysteries of our generation. What is Dan’s sexuality?»

Spoiler alert. I’m not straight. Sex, the foundation of life and the only thing we’re really supposed to do. Everyone’s obsessed with it. You bunch of degenerates. In the list of things that identify a person, one of the most important for other people to know is their sexuality. For, if sex is the primal force propelling all of these humans forward by their hips, they have to know. Are we gonna fuck? Or like could we? Or are you, ‘cause I’m just wondering. Now, we live in a heteronormative world, which is a long scary word that makes people feel attacked for some reason. Shh it’s okay.

What it means is people are presumed to be straight. If you’re not, then at some point, you have to “come out”, which is a whole thing. Or people might just try and guess based on something you do or the way you act, because yay stereotypes. So this is something you have to be clear on, because if you’re not, how are all these other people that aren’t you going to cope? But I’m pretty sure no one that knows me thinks I’m straight. So I don’t really need to come out as much as just clarify what the hell is going on. As here I am at age 27 and my sexual preference is seemingly still a vague, debatable, confusing, impenetrable mystery. But why? And what is it? Well, those are some big questions. Are you sure you wanna know my answers?

[YES]

Okay, well, if you say so 'cause this is a complicated and sensitive issue and when it comes to me, boy, there is a lot to unpack here and it is a total clusterfuck. So strap yourselves in and let me tell you a queer little story about a boy named Dan.

Chapter 1 – The Word

♪ When I was a young boy ♪

♪ My father ♪

Didn’t have much time for me because my conception was clearly an accident and he was a narcissistic proud man suddenly inconvenienced in the prime of his life and this emotional neglect gave me lasting problems.

Sorry that’s not all relevant right now.

I was an only child for seven years and with working parents. This meant I had to make my own fun so I was imaginative  and loud which is something that my teachers used to say quite a lot followed by, “However.” Here I am age five. Look at me. Cute, poised, sassy, turning out this photo shoot like sorry, Grandma, I stunted on this set. Are you seeing this? In almost every way, I literally peaked age five. I loved being the center of attention. People said I had an infectious happiness, that my beaming smile brought them hope and joy. People that know me are laughing right now. But a boy, in the '90s being happy and generally polite acting? Sounds kinda GAY if you ask me. Literally, masculinity was so fragile, people were so proud and scared and society so aggressive that a boy smiling!?.. appearing to be empathetic or in any way emoting was seen as a threat. How dare they laugh and feel comfortable? They must be soft and weak and girly and GAY. So basically thanks, Grandma, for raising me to be a nice child, you dick. Just kidding. That’s a joke and I told you not to watch this video because it would be rude so if you send me a disappointed text telling me you’re offended, I don’t know what to tell you. Although, now I think about it, you did make me go to church for 10 years, which in hindsight probably also didn’t help ♪ Hallelujah ♪ the issue here so. But then it was time for little Dan to go to school and this is when it  

♪ All went wrong ♪

'Cause it turns out most children, evil pieces of shit. Doesn’t matter if you try to raise a happy innocent child, throw that kid into school, aka, a literal Mad Max Battle Royale with the feral offspring of your local community. Yeah, that crap’ll be undone in about two weeks. I was six years old running around the playground pretending to be Sonic the Hedgehog or something when two brothers come up to me aged seven and eight with an unexplained aggressive look in their eye. And the younger one pushes me to the ground, kicks me in the stomach, and just says, “GAY.”

This was the first time I ever heard that word. Well, I don’t know what the heck gay means but apparently it means people kick you on the floor so that ain’t good. I didn’t know this child or give them any cause to have an opinion on me. And, actually, I never directly interacted with them again. What epic clustershit of failed parenting and general culture brought this tiny child to get angry and attack someone, then call them gay for looking like they were having fun outside. Are you okay, 1990s? And so my relationship with sexuality began.

I wasn’t looking to define myself as a child indiscriminately playing doctors and nurses with various friends until once somebody’s mum walked into a room to find three fully naked children sat on a bed sticking sellotape to each other’s butts. Yep, which I don’t recommend. Also, Jesus Christ, the poor woman that saw that. Then you get to the magic age around 10 or 11 where everybody suddenly wants to pretend they’re totally a “cool teenager” who’s doing all the drugs and the sex and the fights, totally. Boy, gay was a really popular word back then.

[[Boy] Uh, homework is gay. [Girl] Uh, my mum’s so gay. [Boy] Uh, you touched a girl, gay.]

This one little shit who I won’t name was one of the school bullies and he loved the word gay. He had it in for me and I have no idea why. You know me, Mr. Winnie the Pooh Meets Slender Man. Well, when I was 10 just Winnie the Pooh. I didn’t do nothin’ to no one ever and yet this guy used my pacifism as a punching bag where any group situation was an excuse to single me out call me gay for some reason and then make everyone else exclude me because they were scared of him. I had a girlfriend. We dated for six whole weeks. We kissed in a game of spin the bottle once by literally sucking on each other’s faces. Then she ended dumping me over speakerphone at a birthday party that everyone in my class but me was invited to but, hey. I don’t know what I was doing wrong, but at this age, I understood one thing. Being gay, whatever that meant, was clearly the worst thing you could be. On a Darwinian level, I was being told, okay bitch, “Survival Code”. Don’t be this apparently. Evolution. Plot twist, this bully I think he was a bit gay because once he asked me to have a sleepover at his house and I thought was me finally getting socially accepted only for him in the middle of the night to come up and ask me, “So who’s going to be the boy and the girl?” I was an innocent smol bean who didn’t really understand what he meant because, to be honest, I didn’t actually understand get how babies were made yet. But needless to say I think he was disappointed. Wow, closeted child turns into homophobic bully. Thanks again society. But this whole primary school journey was really just an amuse-bouche for the full six-course tasting menu of suffering that would be secondary school.

I went to an all-boys school. It was a literal hellscape.  I thought it was hard making it through a school of 200 kids with two or three bullies. Try over a thousand where a clean 800 are fully psychopathic gorillas fueled by testosterone, Red Bull, and Eminem albums. Making sure that the word f- no longer means an innocent bundle of sticks or a cigarette anymore in the British lexicon. Nope, now it was a cool homophobic slur along with gay, gaylord, gayboy, puff, pufter, ponce, batty, batty boy, bum-boy, bender. Shit, this is so long. People have a lot of words for something they don’t wanna think about. Look at me in this stupid blazer. Oh, “you’ll grow into it at some point in the next four years”. Thanks, Mum. Day one, kid in form class, some stupid hedgehog-looking motherfucker side eyes me and says, “What you lookin at, puff?” First interaction at a new school. Great! My entire existence on a daily basis then becomes navigating this school like I’m in the bloody “Maze Runner” trying to avoid aggressive pricks with chode ties. And you know being verbally abused for being a nerd or a Greebo at least felt relevant to me at the time. Greebo, definitely one of my faves there and I’m sure that Korn and Slipknot would have been proud to have 12-year-old me as a fan. I kinda knew who I was in the hierarchy at that point. I was essentially a theater kid who spent all of his free time playing Runescape on the AOL browser on his mum’s PC instead of football. I accepted it. But at least I wasn’t actually this “gay thing” people kept throwing around because by now I understood a gay is a boy who fancies other boys. And to be honest I don’t really feel like I’ve ever fancied anyone before.

Then puberty happened.

Oh yeah, this is fun, tingly feelings, I smell bad. It was quite fun dribbling on this girl’s face playing Truth or Dare, maybe later we’ll go behind that bike sheds and, there I was sat in English class, my friend next to me. I watched as he delicately removes a pencil from its case. We briefly make eye contact as he flutters his long black eyelashes with a blink before staring forward. His eyes are so bright and beautiful yet they seem so sad and deep with emotion. I wish I could just understand. Oh fuck, I think I’m a bit gay. You’re telling me this whole time I actually have been the bad thing that people keep calling me? Shit!

Chapter 2 – Feelings

Oh do you hear it that faint hum, something coming from a deep, dark place too powerful to control? It’s the self-hatred. She is here and she’s only getting started. Short version, I fall hopelessly in love with a friend of mine who doesn’t feel the same way which crushes me into a million tiny pieces and years later actually it turns out he was gay the whole time. He just really specifically didn’t like me. [Double kill.] Here I am, 13, crying to evanescence alone in my bedroom feeling like there’s no point in really being alive as I’m clearly a faulty outcast person that has no place in the world. I stopped going to church with my grandma because I felt like I wasn’t really supposed to be there. Also, by this age, the whole Christianity thing didn’t really make much sense to me. And the adult services were dry AF compared to coloring in a picture of Jesus’s face at Sunday school. So other than the free tea and biscuits they gave away after the sermon, religion didn’t really have much to offer me. Damn, there was some good biscuits though. I miss that. But wait! All is not lost yet. Do you see that? A triumphant, rallying cry of guitars, stripey hoodies, and black hair dye. Emo had arrived! I swear to God, emo is one of the best things that happened to pop culture in the last 20 years. As well as inventing eyeliner and skinny jeans, a new word hit the theater, nerd, goth, band, kid corner that would change my world forever.

Bisexual. You can be normal and gay at the same time and some people think it’s cool? Well, slap a long fingerless glove on my arm and sign me up to Myspace 'cause Mum, I’m bi. It was a good term 'cause it was a catchall for anyone who felt sexually confused or curious that didn’t want to commit to something stronger which is very me. Big commitment issues. Thanks, fam. To be clear, regardless of whatever the 2006 teenagers thoughts and feelings were, being bi is valid and should not be excused away or erased by anyone. Thank you.

From this moment, I was a loud and proud raving bi to my close friends and the strangers on the internet who saw my clearly-labeled sexual preference on my Myspace page. And the emo friends I made at this time were awesome. We just used to hang and make out with each other and listen to music and drink bottles of Smirnoff Ice until we were sick on each other with no judgment. The judgment came several years later looking back at the photos that you can’t delete. So I didn’t need to tell my family or people at school anything. But the thing is with a Myspace page, anyone with an internet connection can read it. And so the rumors started spreading through my neighborhood that Dan Howell was in fact a bisexual. I had a friend in French class who one day, totally unprompted, just turned to me and said, “Hmm, yeah, I thought so. You give off a bi-vibe.” A bi-vi-, what the fuck is a bi-vibe? Great, yeah, nothing to make a 15-year-old feel self-conscious about his behavior like being told he emanates a bisexual aura. What am I supposed to do with that? Sorry that I give off mixed signals. I’m versatile. Turns out it was actually a social upgrade from being called gay all the time 'cause bisexual was a new word that only referred to sexuality so people actually had to decide how they felt about the fact I was attracted to boys. As opposed to gay which as we all understand is synonymous with bad and also implies a general threat, plague, curse/evil force that simply must be destroyed. People at school were actually almost nice to me with curiosity about it and a few of the boys that previously loved to just generically call me gay while throwing a compasses at me or something, now started to low-key flirt with me and some stuff happened. Go figure.

But then I entered the dark ages and no I’m not talking about my hair because I was never actually cool enough to commit to dying it black. As quickly as they arrived into my life, my emo friend group vanished into the night. Like the tip of an eyeliner pencil snapping or the HTML on your intricately-crafted MySpace page falling apart when the host websites of your embedded gifs die, so, too, did my social life. One had to suddenly focus on school, another moved town, two of them just fell out with each other and started hanging out with their old friends again. Well, we don’t all have back up friend groups, Lindsey! I went all in on the emos! You’re telling me I have to go back to sitting in my kitchen playing Runescape now! Thanks a lot. So for a year I literally had no friends. And this is when the bullying at school really stepped its pussy up. The things people used to say offhand to me in a corridor were now said loudly in classrooms where everybody would laugh. People used to sing songs about me being gay on the bus while my fellow nerds sat around me just stared awkwardly out of the window not wanting to get involved. People shouted things out during GCSE exams in front of the whole school and the low key pushing became punches. People used to wait for me after school just to throw things at me. Once a guy put his hand around my throat and pushed my head against a coat peg in the locker room while everyone was watching and just slapped me for five minutes. But I never reacted. I never cried or got angry or fought back 'cause then I’d be giving them what they wanted and I refused to play along. But this way of dealing with things definitely had an impact on my relationship with emotion going into life. I became a total outcast. No one wanted to come near me out of fear that they’d get targeted, too. So no one ever stood up for me. And, you know, I don’t blame them. I just resent them even to this day. No, I’m kidding, I don’t really. I do. No, I don’t. I, hmm. Teachers at the time obviously did nothing. In fact, one of them saw this happening to me and laughed 'cause you know, boys will be boys especially the gay ones that get killed by the other ones, am I right? Ah, classic lad banter. And home. See, keeping this on the topic of sexuality and not economic class, violence, addiction, and health issues, let’s just say some shit was goin’ down. I didn’t think I could ask my family for help or share my feelings about this, mainly due to my dad. Funny guy, kind of a woke hippie who did and said a lot of things I did respect but at the same time used to walk around the house saying how he hoped someone he had a problem with at work would *clears throat* “die of bum cancer.” Yep, so picked the one area to be a bigot that would further traumatize your child. Nice! This experience coming from a childhood hearing the word gay meaninglessly thrown around as an insult at home and school, in music, on TV, to then realizing I am actually kinda gay, to then very specifically being attacked for it was traumatic. The world was clearly telling me if I ever wanted to be accepted by anyone or, in my particular environment, survive, I couldn’t be gay. I was afraid of it, literally homophobic of myself. I am talking Pavlov, sunken place, North Korea-level mind alteration that made me terrified of and repulsed by this part of me. This is called internalized oppression. It’s a real thing and it’s some real shit.

Chapter 3 – Internalized Oppression

From this moment I was no longer advertising myself as bi. No, BRB deleting that Myspace real quick, xD lemme get on that Bebo. “My Chemical Romance”? No, I’m listen to what’s this, N-Dubz? Jesus Christ. I go away for the summer break and come back to school quiet and serious and fully straight. *coughs* I needed me some new friends that were a bit higher up the social ladder, you know what I’m sayin’ for security so I go ahead and join “The Inbetweeners”. Literally this group of friends, the exact middle ground between nerds and desperately wanting to be cool. And oh how desperate we were. The great thing about these friends was they knew loads of girls. So firstly, instant cool points. Secondly, if I date a girl *scoffs* super not gay. The problem with that was it’s not like everyone just forgot everything that’s been said about me and this group of friends, casually homophobic pretty much all the time and also they hung out in places near some even more aggressive and super homophobic peeps. Just full-time Runescape would have been a better in hindsight. I find myself going through the same shit at school but now voluntarily going through it at the weekends from the people that are supposed to be my friends thinking I’m doing the right thing whilst constantly telling myself I’m now totally heterosexual. So I did what many people choose to do at that point and I got a girlfriend. But this is pretty messed up because I really liked this girl. In fact, I loved her as a friend and I was genuinely attracted to her but I was so afraid of sexuality I didn’t even wanna do anything straight in case I had some weird gay panic that I was totally frigid and I led her on. And when she got pissed at me, understandably, for being a terrible boyfriend, I just felt even worse. This was someone who I liked that I was hurting and lying to but I couldn’t leave as then I’d have no armor. Beautiful irony here is having a girlfriend didn’t in any way stop the abuse 'cause remember, gay is a great all-purpose general insult. (Call someone gay today and we’ll throw in a free set of steak knives.) And when these neighborhood teens started heavy drinking and getting into drugs, things suddenly got quite scary as people joked about setting fire to a tent as I slept in it at Reading Festival. Or saying, “You know that notoriously unstable guy? Yeah, he said he’s gonna kill you next Saturday.” Awkward.

This was definitely the lowest point in my life. I just felt totally alone, confused and I deeply hated myself. I used to ask God, in case he was there, to please, just make me straight and everyone stop. But I saw no end, no escape, no way to change the world or who I was. So one evening I thought fuck it and I attempted suicide.

I say attempted, because just before it was too late I thought

“oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit what have i done what have i done fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck?”

“what will your grandma think don’t do this to her she tried her best and she loves you”

“your family aren’t total dicks and this will fuck them up can’t you just get over it surely”

“you’re gonna get to the last year of school and give up now really what was the point”

“I heard this is one of the most painful ways to die so not a great choice if I’m being blunt”

Felt kinda bad for a few days otherwise I pretended it never happened and I didn’t tell anyone, until now, literally. Hmm, I know pretty dark right, but hey spoiler things kinda worked out. I mean still gotta lot of issues but here I am. I’m so glad I failed for so many reasons, for the people in my life, for the future I would’ve wasted. The most important being that I thought I was trapped in a situation forever when in reality, the entire world I lived in and my life changed completely. I thought it was hopeless when in reality there was so much to hope for and that’s it. Time changes everything. With the lives that we have, we can try anything we’ve dreamed of. I want anyone that’s ever felt like this to realize you are never trapped. There is always hope. You just need to believe in yourself and get to the other side. So yeah school age 6 to 18, I’m gonna give that a bad Google review. The thing is I did stand out. I’ve always been a loudmouth, class clown, annoying shit. Since graduating, it turns out half the people I knew were fuckin’ gay. That group of friends I had, all lovely people now. Five of them were gay, five gays! That is statistically irregular. Oh but they flew under the radar. All I’m saying is I wish people just hated me for being annoying and immature. Leave the gays alone!

My light at the end of the tunnel was university. I was gonna get my A levels move to a new town and ghost these bitches. But I took a gap year first to earn some money which was very boring sitting at home and working at ASDA where I was not happy to help. My shift started at 5 a.m. on a Saturday. Signed up for a Twitter account to run my mouth off and then bam. “So my name is [Dan].” My YouTube story begins, a new chapter of my life to redefine. So you know what I do? Get a Formspring because nothing gives you that attention feeling like one of those anonymous question and answer websites that are inherently toxic and no one should use. And straight out of the bat bisexual Dan returns. 'Cause hey, just like Myspace, I’m only telling a few people on the internet right now. It’s not like one day I’m gonna get so many followers that random strangers and my family might see it. Wow, I had a lot fun with many different kinds of people in 2009. Let’s just say I got a lot out of my system. Got a couple of things in my system, too. Sorry.

And this is when, through the magic of the internet, I met Phil. And obviously we were more than friends but it was more than just romantic. This is someone that genuinely liked me. I trusted them. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. And the relationship we formed at that point was something that I needed in my life. We are real best friends, companions through life, like actual soulmates, not that souls are a real thing that exist. It’s so lucky to just find someone you can be that compatible with and especially to anyone that has experienced the kind of self-hatred that I have dealt with, one person accepting you can make all the difference. And I bet so many people wanna know so much more about that which, honestly, I take as a compliment. But here’s the thing. I’m somebody that wants to keep the details of my personal life private. So is Phil. I know lots of people these days, thanks to social media, want to share and monetize every aspect of their life and then as soon as something changes suddenly it’s this huge drama because everybody got invested in the story of your life like it’s a soap opera. I don’t want that. I wanna do certain things without an audience. I wanna be spontaneous. I don’t wanna feel afraid to take risks. I want to enjoy totally fucking something up and not have to post a statement about it. And if anyone thinks people really have to share these things about their life, you need to rethink your position. And look, I understand that sex is a fun and interesting thing to talk about. I get it. I am also a disgusting pervert. But the specific minutiae of who I be fuckin’, when, why, where, how long, how, uhh, I mean? Sexuality is a general fact that it can be very useful to know about a person for several reasons, but we can’t force people to disclose that either. We don’t know this person’s life story, what they’ve been through, if they haven’t told people, if they’ll lose their job, if they’re in danger. There are so many reasons someone might not be open about it. We can preach the message that being out is good, but aggressively speculating or trying to out someone is really bad. They might not be gay, in which case we’re just harassing someone and probably stereotyping. And if they are there’s gonna be a reason why they haven’t talked about it. So I don’t wanna see any responses to me finally talking about this like no one is surprised. “Dan we been knew.” Wow, you huge galaxy brain genius. What’s it like walking around with all those brain cells in there working overtime? What, you got like three in there? Don’t lose your balance, mastermind. I haven’t exactly been subtle have I? I’m an awkward, sexually ambiguous nerd. “What the fuck even is your sexuality?” That’s not the point. I’m already dead inside so it doesn’t matter here, but to me if someone’s reaction to a person coming out is just, “yeah, I knew”, they’re showing no empathy towards the issue or that person. They’re just making it about themselves like it was a fun piece of gossip they already knew. All we have to do is listen and be accepting.

So anyway back to the tale. Whilst things were looking up for Dan aged 18, things quickly got messy again. Wow, that beats the emo streak of temporary self-acceptance by like six months, nice. There was a point around 2011 where the relationship with my audience shifted from what felt like direct communication between me and individuals that just saw me as a comedy creator to communities of people that formed to talk about me when I wasn’t there. Which is fine, but for some people it was about getting generally invested in me and my real life which I thought was a bit strange 'cause inevitably like anyone who puts themself out there, some people started to really dig into my private life to find out information about me that I wasn’t ready to share. And this was around the same time that YouTubers finally started to get mainstream recognition in the British press. We had the BBC knocking at our door trying to offer Dan and Phil a radio show. From that, Dan and Phil became this entertainment duo that we could have a creative career with. And we love working together, so when all these opportunities came for Dan and Phil, we were really excited but I was also scared as people clearly knew I wasn’t straight and I hadn’t told my family that. None of my old friends knew about this, and what me and Phil had was ours and personal and yet some people were trying to get access to it for their own satisfaction. It was no longer a few people on the internet, no big deal. So I just shut down. It felt like I was back at school again, surrounded by threatening people trying to expose me for their entertainment. Most I’m sure just wanted what was best for me and I feel such genuine sadness and am sorry that I couldn’t be closer to and more truthful with the people in my life that were just trying to be nice but I wasn’t ready to deal with it at this time so I had to do something to contain it. I definitely sent some mixed messages. Some were just joking around, others were super defensive that in my panic came across like “I’m now telling everyone I’m totally straight” when all I really meant was “please fuck off and don’t invade my privacy, you creepy stalkers, thank you”. But this experience seriously triggered some PTSD in me and I was back in the dark place. I didn’t want to just disappear from the internet to escape it and throw away this creative hobby that actually started paying rent. Thanks. So I just decided to put anything to do with my sexuality in a box to come back to later as I was still processing my past and I wanted to understand my identity on my own terms and timeline and not just have it hijacked as fuel for people’s sexual fantasies or some headline in an article. And whilst we’re not exactly living in a utopia yet here on YouTube, the general internet culture only five or six years ago was a much less wholesome, progressive place as this little bubble is now. Sure, a lot of people probably would have been supportive, but there was just as much open bigotry and general toxicity 'cause people felt less accountable and it was okay to say certain things 'cause it’s just on the internet and I couldn’t handle that at the time. And, generally, I can handle a lot. I have big hands with a very wide reach for playing piano, you fucking.. get your mind out of the gutter. We can’t ask people to just put their lives on hold to address their sexuality first. If a kid dreams of being a footballer and age 18 gets signed to a club and all their dreams come true but they’re scared to come out because of the insane homophobia in that community, they shouldn’t turn it down. Yes, it’s so important to be truthful about who you are and open and proud in front of the world but it’s our society’s fault that these people are scared to say who they are. So let’s all focus on making it a welcoming place and people will come out when they are ready. So when was I ready? Well, it’s always been on my mind that I need to talk about this at some point. I couldn’t just keep going forward in my life ignoring it, not only just so I can be authentic, which is very important for general existing, but also just letting people know what kind of sexual attention I want from the world. All of it from everyone. God I’m so thirsty. And if anything motivated me, it’s the idea that I can help someone else 'cause that’s basically my whole career, isn’t it, admitting to shit that I’ve been through so you will feel better about yourselves. There we go, you’re welcome. I have a platform and a following of millions of people, many of whom I know have been through exactly what I have. And if I tell my story as painful and flip floppy and flawed as it is, I know it will mean something to someone as every time someone speaks openly about sexuality, it saves lives. I’d never met a single out gay person until I was 18. And if I had, or even just seen better representation in the media, I wouldn’t have felt so totally alone. I wouldn’t even be saying this to you now if it wasn’t for TV shows, musicians, and public figures in the last couple years reinforcing this to me. It doesn’t matter if I was living the life privately as there was still so much confusion about my feelings and fear. But things are better now, on the internet, on TV, in my real life. It’s not perfect but it feels safe enough in this space right now for me to feel confident. So thank you, sincerely, to all the brave people that came before me and to any of you that made this world seem welcoming for me. And instead of procrastinating from this by focusing on work, which was a way for me to insure my own independence and survival in case I was rejected, or just doing things for other people to take my mind off it instead of asserting my own needs, which my therapist keeps telling me is one of my biggest problems. Here I am with a fresh void of time in front of me to fuck up however I want. Now look, we all have different experiences in life. Some of us are lucky, some of us not. It just so happened that the first 18 years of my life were horrendously shit. It failed me. But we get dealt cards from the start, too. If you look at my life, I was born into this world as an able-bodied, white, cis-man in Britain which immediately gives me so much privilege in this current world and I am fully aware of how much harder making it to today could have been for me, which is why we all need to stand up for equality and social justice even if it doesn’t apply to us. No one stood up for me when it mattered the most and that almost cost me everything. So if you see a woman being harassed, a gay being threatened, someone muttering something racist, say something, do something because if you’re still or silent, the victim will just think that you are against them, too. We all have a responsibility.

This tale was just some of the stuff relating to sexuality. We all have a whole sob story if we wanna tell it but I just wanted to explain the journey of how I got to this point and overcame the obstacles that tried to block this path. And now I’ve arrived.

Chapter 4 – Labels

Okay cool story, bro, it’s answer time. What’s your answer. Whaddayalikedafuk? Here’s the thing, you want me to talk candidly about sexuality as if it’s something that I understand? I don’t know what it is, why it is. Turns out no one knows. I’ve been sitting here for years waiting for scientists to just work it out like bleep bloop. [Oh this is why and exactly how it’s different for people. There we go.] Thinking I shouldn’t run off my mouth on the internet in case my theories and opinions on varying gayness get debunked next week. Well, I waited long enough and it didn’t happen. Science, ya fucked up, you let me down. And I fully expect to have to delete this video in two weeks when you find out all the answers suddenly. Thanks a bunch. What makes someone gay or straight or all the things in between? What the ever loving fuck is gender about? This is a mess. Yet people want you to give them a word because that’s how humans communicate with words that have meanings. Which is why our disgusting species is impatient, stupid, and obsessed with labels. And this applies to everything, sexuality, gender, political identity, what obscure genre of synthwave you listen to. People just want a label that represents something they understand so they already know how to feel about you and don’t have to bother thinking. [Oh you’re a feminist well I don’t need to know anything more. Oh you’re a leftist. Oh you’re a K-pop fan but but but but.] If people just want to find a way to disagree with you or dislike you, they can refer to the label and turn off their brains. Hey, what does my label say? Huh. The issue is, especially when we start talking about the writhing mass of confusion and suffering that is sexual and gender identity, the limits of language and specific terminology become a big problem. What does being gay mean? You never thought about a boob once? What does being a man mean? You wanna be an emotionless rock rubbing raw steaks against your biceps? It’s not like humanity is all in agreement right now. I don’t like the stereotypes and drama that come with all this terminology so I’m just not gonna use it. Thing is gender identity isn’t my issue. I feel comfortable with the identity that I’ve had my whole life. Dan, a tol boy from England. But being a man means nothing to me. I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable wearing makeup or a sickening pair of heels, though I can’t even draw in a straight line so that would be a disaster. Also is anyone really comfortable wearing heels? Hmm. Icons of masculinity aren’t really a big part of my life. Might as well call me a fucking formless blob that sounds more relatable. Shout out to all my formless blobs out there, rise up. I don’t have to do anything or be anything and I personally wouldn’t feel offended if I wasn’t referred to as a he. Well, she’s feeling hungry today. Stop fucking judging me, Susan. I’m sad and I’m gonna eat this whole damn cake whether you like it or not. But anyone that has this don’t really care attitude about their gender identity is in a way privileged 'cause some people, especially trans, care a lot about their gender identity and using the correct pronouns which other people should respect. Likewise with sexuality, whilst to me the endlessly increasing list of tribes and flags being flown is a bit daunting and confusing and personally stresses me out 'cause I almost find it constrictive, some people like it. Because if you’re feelings are confusing and then you look at a word that represents something and go, “wow, that me”, it can help you realize you’re valid and find a community and that’s great. There is so much controversy around this issue and others but if we all just calm down, respect each other’s experiences and try to just be nice, reasonable people, which is a lot to ask, let’s be real, it’s quite simple. If you wanna use language to express your honest feelings and identity, that’s great and other people should respect what you say. Likewise, if you hate labels and you just wanna be a formless blob, that’s fine, too. No one should force you. The only thing that isn’t cool is telling other people what they should or should not identify as 'cause that ain’t your problem or your business, bye. This was one of the things that held me back from talking about this for years. Shit’s confusing, man. Let’s just go back to cellular reproduction by mitosis so I don’t really have to be specific. Two people that I really look up to and respect, Harry Styles and Janelle Monae, both famously say that they don’t feel the need to label it which, to be honest, is how I feel and is perfectly okay. But I get it, for me, you want a word. Oh, that’s hard, though. I’m an annoying guy. I feel uncertain specifying my sexuality in the same way I wouldn’t say I am an atheist. Who the fuck am I to say whether God does or doesn’t exist? I don’t know shit 'bout shit and neither does anyone else. I mean I think it’s unlikely in the same way I know I like DICK. But I’m not gonna pretend to have a definite answer here. Looking at my public statements is inconsistent and confusing. Looking at my personal track record through life is super confusing. And looking at the void inside my soul threatening to crush the entire universe with the force of its event horizon of misery and melodrama, well, fuck let’s close that shit up. One thing’s for sure whatever heterosexual is, I ain’t it. Really if you ask me, I don’t think anyone’s totally straight. I think there’s a lot of social and emotional issues getting in the way of yet to be understood feelings of attraction that can be very flexible. And trust me, I’ve known a lot of straight guys until a couple of drinks, some deep conversation, and lingering eye contact, and suddenly they just start leaning in. What does that make them? And am I totally gay? No. Am I slightly more gay or is it just easier for gays to hook up with each other because of societal norms. It’s not like the signs for male and female bathrooms are what I’m attracted to. I don’t care what flesh organ you have between your legs, what your hair’s like, if you’re covered in it or a fuckin’ beluga whale. I’m gonna be honest, I’m not picky. I’m easy. So am I bi or pan or poly? Well, now we’re just in a clusterfuck of defining language and I’m confused and sad and horny. This is why I personally love the word queer. I understand that some people don’t as it is a slur but as someone that’s been the target of it several times throughout my life I’m up for some reclamation. It’s like recycling. The definition makes sense because until society is equal with all sexual and gender identifies, it is literally strange from a conventional viewpoint plus it’s better than a super long acronym, it’s inclusive of everyone and therefore great for formless blobs. There we go, an identity I feel comfortable with. A highly-strung, depressed queer praying for a giant meteor to hurry up and finally eradicate humanity. LMAO, yeet!

But to come full circle, I know that even today, deep in my heart the word gay scares me because that’s how I’ve been conditioned my whole life. So, you know what? Fuck the literal definition and the scientific definition and what everyone thinks. I finally have to just confront and accept this.

I’m gay.

Oh look, didn’t spontaneously fucking combust. Well, there we go, that was a lot of stress about nothing, wasn’t it? Bloody hell. So yup, I’m here, I’m queer, and don’t worry I’m still filled with existential fear.

WE’RE HERE, WE’RE QUEER WE’RE FILLED WITH EXISTENTIAL FEAR.

Chapter 5 – Fear

Even though I’m at this current place, there is still so much I’m afraid of and this has taken months to make because of that. Telling my family was a big fear. I have problems connecting with them emotionally because reasons. So I only came out to them this month and if it didn’t go well, as I’m now the independent adult that I fought so hard to be, I was ready to cut them off like the bottom of a sweater turning into a seasonal crop. But I didn’t have to, love you. I didn’t think they’d reject me these days but coming out is still a surprise. It changes things. And I’m a pretty awkward person generally but the idea of just dropping this in conversation in front of them all terrified me. And I tried several times this year to do it but I just couldn’t. So you know how I finally came out to my family? E-mail. Yep, I literally just sent them an e-mail saying and I quote,

“Hello gang. I’ve been meaning to talk to you all for a while, something quite important that should be disclosed at some point. I thought I would around Christmas, then Mum’s birthday, then last Easter Sunday, etc., but every time I meant to, I either felt like I would ruin the mood of the day or I just felt awkward and didn’t want to. So I decided just to email you all instead which is really inappropriate and just weird but that somehow seems appropriate for me and at least I’ll just finally say it.

Basically I’m gay.”

Yup. It was just getting ridiculous so I thought screw it and hey, it worked. Turns out my remaining family, pretty chill bunch of people. Even my Christian grandma said this,

“We love you for being you. It must be a great relief to finally acknowledge who you are. Popsie and I just want you to be happy. People are born as they are and have no say in it. I hope that now you will feel free to live your life as you want with no pretense.”

Aw.

“Don’t forget the iPad.”

Yes, I said I’d give her my old iPad. She mainly cares about that I thing. Wasn’t so sure when I was 17 but it went well now and I know that makes me lucky but, hey, it shows that times change. As for the other people in my life, obviously all the friends I have now are cool. If anyone in my life I’ve ever known isn’t cool with it then I don’t care. And sure here online there might be a few incredibly lost bigots following me or just some classic trolls who I think should get fucked. No, like literally, I think you should try it. You’ll probably enjoy it and you might learn something about yourself. Inevitably some of you watching this might have a weird reaction if you just feel like it was a shock or you feel hurt that I kept it from you. But I feel like I explained myself reasonably here and going forward I can’t have any space for that, sorry. I’ve come to terms with who I am and now you have to, too, ha. Funnily enough straight up homophobia is probably the one thing I’m not that afraid of, because I just don’t agree so it doesn’t hold much emotional power over me but you bet I’m opening myself up to all new kinds of in real life and international discrimination now which is fun. But one of the other big fears holding me back was, honestly, that I wouldn’t be accepted by the community. I know that it’s a big pride flag covering a lot of ground and even the idea of it and certainly most of it is amazing. But there is a lot of drama within it right now especially on the internet. You’ve got Grindr gays arguing about how manly gays should be, bi’s getting ignored, trans people, especially of color, not being historically appreciated, acephobia, fucking SWERFs and TERFs. No thank you. So even though they are my people, I know some of them will have problems with something. And even then, just seeing such a loud and proud, strong and opinionated group of people celebrating something just intimidates a smol introvert such as myself. And in my mind if these people don’t accept me because I’m not being definitive enough or I took too long then I almost feel like I’ll be alone all over again, and this is a fear that a lot of people have honestly. But I’m a nice guy and I’m trying my best so you better be welcoming, you bunch of fuckin’ queers. And obviously with the topic of sexuality, it doesn’t matter where we are or how far you think we’ve come, by merely mentioning it, I will be opening up a primordial box of bullshit which will include every single stupid argument and question since the dawn of time. [It’s not natural.] There’s gay animals. [Adam and Steve.] That’s based on a story and the protagonist that arrives later probably doesn’t agree with you. [Why can’t we have straight pride?] I could spend 10 hours on all the classic crap and people would still be asking the same things. This being posted on the internet, my hopes are so incredibly low, lower than my self-esteem.  Wow, that is unhealthy. I need to stop doing that. This video is about internalized oppression and the problems of language. I’m not here to pontificate on every topic tangentially related to the entire concept of gayness. *ASMR voice*: Pontificate on every topic tangentially related to the concept of gayness.  

There’s other humans and all the time in the world left for that. The time in the world coincidentally being not much longer. Climate change LMAO. But I had to tell my story so people would understand me and these things. Why coming out is still a big deal because queer people are often invisible and suffering until they have to do it. Some people grow up in supportive environments and it’s a positive experience. But more likely, especially around the world outside of the big cities, it isn’t. This is not a fight that is anywhere near over. Even in Britain today people are debating whether children should be taught to be accepting of sexual and gender identity in school.

Queer people exist. Choosing not to accept them is not an option.

To anyone watching this that isn’t out, it’s okay. You’re okay. You were born this way, it’s right, and anyone that has a problem with it is wrong. Based on your circumstance, you might not feel ready to tell people yet or that it’s safe and that’s fine, too. Just know that living your truth, with pride, is the way to be happy. You are valid. It gets so much better. And the future is clear. It’s pretty queer.

So there we go. Now I can proceed authentically in my life with full disclosure. Cute mutuals know to slide into the DMs. And you can all fuck off and leave me alone.

Bye.

[wtffundiefamilies]

spurgie-cousin

My default feelings towards Anna are always a little angry, because she had a wide open shot to get herself out of that situation and away from an obviously sexually dysfunctional individual and she didn’t. She even has secular family who she could’ve gone to if her parents wouldn’t have helped.

But I know that feeling is dumb because I’m not her, I don’t know her full situation, I don’t know her day to day experiences. I can guess what the best decision for her could be all day but I can’t make it for her.

So for her and most fundie girls I just try to be sympathetic and forgiving and, as previously said, just hope they are making even slightly better choices than their parents.

Yeah, it’s frustrating.  In some ways it’s similar to watching a loved one go back to an abusive relationship.  You get why they can’t just leave but at the same time from the outside it’s impossible not to think why don’t they just leave??  

As much as I don’t like any of them, I feel sorry for Anna more than most of them.  She was married off literally as soon as possible - she insisted on not being engaged until she was twenty (the fact that this meant she had to wait a few years is appalling in itself, but you KNOW Michelle, JimBob, Mike and Suzette would have permitted them to get married immediately if they thought it would keep Josh from sexually offending again) and Josh shows up literally on her twentieth birthday.  With her parents there, giving her no chance of saying no without immediate consequences.  

I rewatched the episode recently (was going to do a recap for old time’s sake; I have all the images, just don’t think there’s interest), and I couldn’t get over how much she looked like she didn’t want to be there.  She warmed up over the course of Josh’s trip, but when he “surprised” her, she looked more scared than excited, and she kept trying to scoot away from him in the booth while he kept edging closer.  In the interviews, she seemed very noncommittal at best, while her parents and Josh were blabbering away about how great it was.  

She made horrible decisions, and deciding to have children with an unrepentant child molester (a child molester who’s sorry doesn’t crack incest jokes ffs) is deplorable.  But when you’ve grown up like Anna, poor in a trailer where your  parents insist that there’s only one right way to live, and you see a way out that everyone you care about seems to be pushing you to take...I’m pushing forty and I’d have a hard time.  

And then she was back there while deciding what to do about Josh.  I assumed her parents pushed hard for them to reconcile, but I also wonder if being back in the ole doublewide with her parents made her realize that this was how her life would be if she left Josh and the TLC money.  No education, no skills - birthing babies on toilets isn’t a skill - and four tiny kids is a hell of a stumbling block.

But at the same time, it’s really fucking frustrating knowing that she had an out and didn’t take it.  Especially knowing now that his sexually predatory behavior continued.  With adults this time, but that’s not really better.  He found another vulnerable type of person in sex workers.  Same situation, just this time with people who could tell him no.  And now that he lost that outlet, I wonder what happens next because I don’t believe for a minute he’s changed.

I do think if Anna found out he did something to one of the kids she would leave, but who knows.  Hopefully we’ll never find out.

[alatismeni-theitsa]

anti - LO anon asks/answers:

(1) Weird, I thought it sent my message, but here's the how the fandom hypersexualizes everything. 1) They thirst after any of the LO gods, in particular to them being shirtless, wear certain clothing (i.e Ares in a white tank top) or them being in a compromised state of pose (like Hades manspreading while being asleep at Demeter's place). 2) This thirst leads them to say things like "I want to bang [LO god]" or "I need to find a man like [LO god] (usually Hades)."  Even worse is if the person saying those things has a boyfriend or is already married. They will either call or even wish their man could be "Hades." IT IS LITERALLY SO DISGUSTING. Every time I see anybody make a comment about how badly they want to be with a fictional character, I always feel sorry for their significant other.

(2) I guess this is gonna be an unpopular opinion but—I don’t see why fans sexualizing LO is bad?...what did that anon mean by that exactly? As in like nsfw art and headcannons? Why is that bad? Rachel herself draws porn of her own characters. EVERY fandom hypersexualizes their fave characters, that’s why we have rule 34. If ppl are sexualizing LO Hebe or Aphrodite’s other children, then yes, that’s creepy and sick, but everyone else in LO is an adult so I guess I say...let ppl be horny XD

(3) Adding on to the previous anons, just go to the author’s twitter. It’s a mess I tell ya. Through my experience. I feel like they’re sexualizing Persephone and Hades(Mostly Hades because he is “Perfect Husbando Daddy” to them 💀. (And yes I do understand that Hades in the media has been romanticize a lot throughout the years)Anyways, they keeping talking his “body parts”, what Persephone is gonna do to him,vice versa.If you want me to send some screenshots I can(Patreon too). I haven’t seen it happen to any other character as much as H+P. (Ares,just a little) That’s from Twitter alone,I just wanna enjoy the characters without someone telling me how hot they are every second.😒 It’s almost as if the Author want these types of people. Then again.....

(4) I don't care if these are spoilers, the early LO release (April 19th) has Hades yelling at Persephone like a child after he saved her from a riot (because she was paying the ferry) then they make out after he yells that he "WANTS HER" and she proceeds to run away from him afterwards. It's unearned and creepy bc he yelled such a possessive line (not that he LOVES her or anything, only that he WANTS her). That's supposed to be a big moment but it comes off as rushed and even more imbalanced.

(5) I have to vent a bit; I really love L*re Olympus bc it's just cheesy and I love cheesy dramas and those cutesy neon colours, but what angers me most about is (after how it has nothing with Greek culture), how characters are so... inconsistent. Minthe, a character that was abusive /vocally/, not physically. Making her hit Hades was so ooc- and my GOD, how could a nymph hit a god and get away with it?

(6) Time for your daily dose of LO complaining, LO spoilers so read/publish at own risk - Today's top story: the latest fastpass episode brings us a very special first kiss between two main characters that will remain nameless. Needless to say (imo) it was executed poorly due to poor pacing and lack of build up in the chapter! People rightfully critiqued and diehard fans attacked, claws out. The shocking updates will continue as ~6 episodes separate us between now and the finale. Stay tuned.

(7) Holy shit so this isn't technically related to the anti-Greek prejudice in Lore Olympus, but in the latest update it's revealed that Hades runs all of the banks -- you know, Hades, the big-nosed leader, and he shames tiny innocent Persephone for 1 Not having a bank account 2 For the fact that the her mother thinks all bankers are greedy. So not only does Rachel Smythe hold ignorance towards Greek people,but also she enjoys Antisemitic tropes.

______________________________________________________________

(1+2) I can understand the thirst for fictional characters... but not when they are the Greek gods, ya know? As anon (2) said, it’s not bad when people are horny. However... it’s at least a little weird when your fetish is old gods from another culture but dressed in a tank top or who knows what else :P And the fact that they reduce the almighty Hades to “UWU hot daddy” makes it even cringier. I am sure that, if the author posts such content, she wants her characters to be sexualized. 

I mean, they are free to do it and we are free to comment on it - without limiting their ability to create and enjoy the hypersexualized content. Because, as much as we don’t like it, fans should be free to do whatever they like.

To add something for anon (2): if hypersexualizaion would be more natural if the comic had sex in it or dealt with sexual themes more frequently. I think the only sexual encounter we had so far was r*pe and nothing else. The storyline of the comic is almost irrelevant to the huge thirst fans have for the characters. If the focus is only on their sexuality and not on the plot or characters then it’s cringey. And I think it’s annoying when they sexualize the characters to such a degree. For example, anon (3) wrote “I just wanna enjoy the characters without someone telling me how hot they are every second”.

(3) “Perfect Husbando Daddy” UUUUGHHH.. It’s so funny the HxP in the comic are so boring and vanilla but the fans desperatelly want to turn them into a super sexualized couple? ALSO, SEND SCREENSHOTS! Patreon, comments you think are cringey, everything xD 

(4) I am happy this changed because I don’t like the scene at all, for the reasons you mentioned. “I want you” can be translated as “I desire you” so it’s not problematic to me. But the circumstances in which he said that were creepy.

(5) Hmmm interesting point! Of course emotional abuse can happen at the same time as physical abuse, but you are kinda right for Minthe’s character. It felt a little ooc for me too. She wasn’t that type of abuser and it was a weird choice. Also, there is a hierarchy and it is indeed very weird that a nymph could get away with abusing a god. The only case she wouldn’t be punished you be if Hades insisted on it. (Something we didn’t see).

(6) OOOOOH I AM INTRIGUED! Not that I care at this point about the characters, I just want to see the drama 😂 I might search a little more!

(7) Of course she holds ignorance towards Greek people; she thinks we are rich! (muahahahaha that was a bad joke, I will stop now :P ) Generally the comic doesn’t take into account the Greek culture which is offensive but in the characters I didn’t see anti-Greek prejudice. (I might be missing something, idk). In order to have prejudice against something, you need to aknowledge it first. Bold of you to assume she knows we exist 😂 

Maybe she made him super rich because he has the richest realm in Greek mythology. And, I mean, Greek noses are not limited to Jewish people, we also have them (my big pointy nose says hi!). I am sure there are Greek bankers with big noses. In fact, I would be surprise if they didn’t have a big nose 😂 

I understand that it can also be interpreted as anti-Semitism. But for the reasons I mentioned, I don’t think she aimed to do that. Plus, the character is supposed to be Greek, so I don’t see how Jewish people would be offended by this. Is not possible for every wealthy fictional non-Jewish character with a big nose to reflect Jewish negative stereotypes. It kinda seems that people want to take a bad depiction of one group (Greeks) and make it about another group (Jewish).

Maybe for Americans the stereotype “big nose + wealth” means Jewish but for Greeks... I don’t think we see it that way. For us a banker with a big nose is just a banker with a big nose. For example, look at the big and pointy nose of Aristoteles Onassis, a Greek shipping magnate who amassed the world's largest privately owned shipping fleet and was one of the world's richest and most famous men:

I read the scene with the bank account and... yeah it bad for the things you mentioned. Hades should not be making the decision of Persephone having a bank account. He should at least let her discuss it with her mother first. Plus, the story presents Demeter as a stupid uknowing peasant who thinks money grows on trees and banks are evil. 

[confrontingbabble-on]

After Jesus was crucified, everyone had a different understanding of what Jesus had wanted them to do...even those who had never met or heard Jesus’ teachings, like Paul. Christianity is the result of those who thought Jesus wanted them create a religion...to collect money, and side with murderous/immoral political rulers...so they could gain status and political power (to cover up their immorality and avoid legal punishments)...legally steal pagan temples and property...and replicate pagan ceremonies...

“When it comes to religious history, the list of Catholic Church transgressions makes for pretty uncomfortable reading. Despite exalting virtue and kindness in its teaching, Church leadership has spearheaded a long history of outright unforgivable Catholic actions...

Though Vatican violence goes way back, there are a number of disturbing episodes from recent history. Some of this repugnant behavior comes from Popes, some was Church-endorsed, and some, most unsettlingly, was just straight-up regular Church practice.

Dark Church history contains scandal after scandal rife with every vice and taboo you can imagine. When the Church was at the height of its power (at which point it was the most powerful organization in the Western world), it's safe to say everything went to its head. Combine that with the fact that Church leaders seem to stubbornly resist adapting to changing(improving) morality...and you've got a whole lot of unforgivable moments on our hands.

** Systemically Covering Up Tens Of Thousands Of Cases Involving Sexual Misconduct:  Remember the time there was a systematic cover up of abuse, molestation, and rape at the hands of priests that went all the way to the top of the Church? A conservative estimate says there were 17,200 victims in the US alone, and this type of mistreatment happened world-wide. When complaints came in, priests and other offenders were transferred, rather than punished. The extent of their actions will probably never be fully understood, because of the decades of cover up. But the Church isn't denying it anymore. The archdiocese of Milwaukee acknowledged the severity of the issue and agreed to pay a $21 million settlement to 300 victims. But these types of settlements are few and far between.

The molestation of children is still happening at the hands of priests, 15 years after the Boston Globe broke the story. In fact, in August 2018, a grand jury reported that internal documents from six Pennsylvanian dioceses noted that over 300 "predator priests" were "credibly accused"...of harming more than 1,000 child victims; the alleged violations go as far back as 1947.

Due to statute of limitations, only two priests were charged with abusing minors. In February 2019, however, Pope Francis publicly acknowledged the systemic maltreatment and vowed to combat the problem. He said, "I think that it’s continuing because it’s not like once you realize it that it stops. It continues. And for some time we’ve been working on it."

** The Crusades...Or, Incapacitating Jews And Muslims For 300 Years:  In 1095, when Pope Urban II made a plea for war with Muslims, armies of Christians in Western Europe took up the charge. The pope promised serfs freedom if they went, galvanizing the masses. In the First Crusade, an army of peasants led by Peter the Hermit was massacred by the Turks. When an army of knights went after them and captured Jerusalem, it was said they massacred Muslims until the streets ran with blood.This was only the beginning. Waves of the Crusades continued until 1396, marking three centuries of warfare, and incalculable human suffering. "Taking the heads of slain enemies and impaling them upon pikes appears to have been a favorite pastime among crusaders. Chronicles record a story of a crusader-bishop who referred to the impaled heads of slain Muslims as a joyful spectacle for the people of God. When Muslim cities were captured by Christian crusaders, it was standard operating procedure for all inhabitants, no matter what their age, to be summarily killed. It is not an exaggeration to say that the streets ran red with blood as Christians reveled in church-sanctioned horrors. Jews who took refuge in their synagogues would be burned alive, not unlike the treatment they received in Europe."

** Pretty Much Everything Done By Pope Boniface VIII:  Boniface VIII (1230 -1303) was guilty of many horrible crimes that, sum total, make him seem like a sadistic Roman emperor. Among other things, he oversaw the complete destruction of Palestrina, a city that peacefully surrendered. Palestrina was completely razed, and Boniface ordered a plow driven over it to prove it had been reduced to nothing but earth and rubble.  You know priests take a vow of celibacy, right? Apparently, Boniface VIII didn't take his too seriously. He once had a three-way with a married woman and her daughter, but was even more well known for saying that having sex with young boys was as natural as rubbing one hand against the other. So, obviously, he was raping (or at least fornicating with), children. To celebrate his many great accomplishments, Boniface VIII just loved erecting statutes of himself. So add hubris to his list of sins.

** Burning Joan Of Arc For Dressing Like A Man:  You may know Joan of Arc as a saint, but the Church didn't always hold her in such high esteem. In fact, at one time, she was pretty much the Catholic Church's public enemy number one. In 1429, 17-year-old Joan of Arc, believing God had spoken to her, instigated an uprising to get the English out of France, but some high-powered Catholics who sympathized with the English weren't pleased. French king Charles VII wisely accepted Joan's help in his fight against the English, and together, they won some major battles.

When Joan was captured, Charles VII, unsure of whether he trusted her as an emissary of God, handed her over to the Church, which did what Catholics do best, put her on trial for heresy with no evidence. To make things one step more ridiculous, Joan was denied counsel, which was against Church rules. Despite this, she is famed for remaining cool, calm, and dripping with integrity throughout the trial. Because there was no evidence of heresy, Joan was found guilty of one of the 70+ other charges brought against her, wearing men's clothes (shirt and pants, like every country girl today!) , for which she was burned at the stake in 1431 in front of a crowd of thousands. In 1456, Charles VII ordered an investigation into Joan's trial. The result? She was declared innocent and made a martyr. The Church followed suit and, in 1920, canonized her. Talk about a change of heart. Maybe since all male Church officials wear dresses they pretend are robes, they decided it was okay for Joan to dress a little (country!). 

** Burning William Tyndale For Making A Vernacular Bible For The Masses You'd think the Church would make the mass distribution of its core text a main priority. As it turns out, in the 16th century, this was the last thing powerful Catholics wanted.  Scholar William Tyndale, on the other hand, wanted this so badly he went into hiding to translate the Bible into English, so lay people could read it for themselves. The Church was not happy about this, and when copies were smuggled around Europe, Catholic authorities demanded they be burned. And what of Tyndale? He was captured, tried for heresy for daring translate the bible, and burned at the stake. When Church authorities decided printing Bibles in English was okay, they borrowed a whole lot from Tyndale's translation. And never apologized.

** Slaying Countless Women As Witches Because Pope Innocent VII Was Paranoid: The Catholic Church wasn't the only group involved in witch hunts, but it kicked things off with Malleus Maleficarum (Hammer of Witches), a doozy of a book written in 1487, after Pope Innocent VIII declared, by papal bull, witches were real and a threat (due to their involvement with Satan). He wanted that sh*t investigated stat, so clergymen Johann Sprenger and Heinrich Krämer (using his Latin name, Henricus Institoris) took up the call and literally wrote the book on witches, Satanists (which were invented for this book), and hunts thereof. And boy, was it a success. It was so popular that, for 200 years, it was second only to the Bible on the sales charts. The problem? Well, for one, the book was hugely sexist and focused almost only on women, promoting burning them at the stake,  a common punishment for heretics. So who knows how many deaths it inspired; its influence was too huge to quantify. The book is also filled with somewhat dubious information, such as the following facts about witches and Satanists: they stop cows from giving milk; they rode through the air on broomsticks on their way to forest orgies; they ate infants.

** Absolving Sins For Cash Payments, Including Sins Not Yet Committed:  If one bit of Catholic Church history got drilled into your mind in high school, there's a good chance it was the selling of indulgences and Martin Luther's reformation. Now synonymous with money-grubbing, the idea of an indulgence isn't so bad in theory. According to Church doctrine, "[an] indulgence is a remission before God of the temporal punishment due to sins whose guilt has already been forgiven, which the faithful Christian who is duly disposed gains under certain defined conditions through the Church’s help when, as a minister of redemption, she dispenses and applies with authority the treasury of the satisfactions won by Christ and the saints." A little wordy, but potentially inoffensive.

In the 16th century, however, indulgences got out of hand. Pope Leo X had expensive taste and wasn't above using shady means to satisfy it. Indulgences were peddled as "pay X to absolve you of Y." Basically, money gets you into heaven. To give some indication of how crazy things got, Dominican friar John Teztel was named Grand Commissioner of indulgences in Germany (so, overseeing indulgence was his only job), where he sold absolution for future sins. So: "Hey, give us some gold, it's all good if you kill that dude next week."

If you were poor and ignorant, as most poor people in the period probably were, you basically just believed you were hopelessly f*cked and did your best to prepare for an eternity spent frolicking in the torments of hell. So what happened? Martin Luther, none too pleased, wrote his 95 Theses, effectively kick starting the Reformation.

** Orchestrating The Fall Of The Knights Templar To Appease A Broke King:  ...the Knights Templar, a stateless military fraternity assembled to protect Christian pilgrims to the Holy Land, were the subject of gossip a long time ago. They were endorsed by the Roman Catholic Church in 1129, and were famous valorous service in the Crusades. They were also really good with money, which shouldn't have been a problem, but King Philip IV of France owed them (and others) a whole lot of it. Philip took advantage of growing fear of the Knight Templar's power and pressured the Church into dropping the mighty anvil of god down on them. What the Church did next wasn't great. In 1307, Pope Clement V had members arrested and tortured, gaining false confessions of heresy. In fact, he got enough such confessions to justify disbanding the order in 1312. Various Knights confessed to spitting on the cross, fraud, and secrecy (which was apparently a crime?), and nobody cared the confessions arose from torture and were recanted afterward. Archbishop of Sens Philippe de Marigny, who ran an investigation into the Knights, had dozens burned at the stake. A fine repayment for all of that fighting in the crusades. In 2007, a secret document showing Pope Clement V absolved the Knights before later deciding to disband them was published. Historians believe this document provides essential proof that the Church caved under King Phillip's pressure. Good news for the Knight's integrity, bad news for the Church's.

** Burning Someone 43 Years After He Passed Because He Upset Some Important Catholics:  As if having your enemies killed wasn't enough, Catholics gotta burn the corpses, too. What gives? Trying to outdo what the Romans did to JC and John Wycliffe (1320 – 1384), famous English theologian and vocal critic of the Church, was a forerunner of the Reformation. Among his many criticisms was a belief the Church should give up its worldly possessions. As you can imagine, not an idea the church was happy to have spread around. Wycliffe also promoted and worked on the first English translation of the Bible, hoping to give people direct access to the word of god. Again, not a fun idea for the Church, which liked its monopoly on power.

William Courtenay, Archbishop of Canterbury, made moves against Wycliffe after retiring (gotta stay busy). Wycliffe's writings were banned in certain areas, but it didn't end there. It didn't even end when Wycliffe died of a stroke in 1384. Instead, in 1415 (31 years after he died), the Council of Constance declared Wycliffe a heretic. Not only did they order his books burned, they ordered his body exhumed and burned. And it took them 12 years to do that. So, 43 years after Wycliffe died, his corpse was torched and his ashes thrown in the River Swift. So much for resting in peace.

** Executing Jan Hus For Working Out Some Tricky Theological Philosophy: The Church tends to be pretty brutal with its critics, of which the treatment of Jan Hus, born 1372, is one of the best (or worst) examples. A Czech priest, Hus felt the Church, run by humans, who are by nature flawed, must necessarily also therefore be flawed, while the Bible, the direct word of God, had no flaws. He was, therefore, openly critical of Church practices, especially the papal schism and indulgence sales. So, not very happy with Hus, the Church convened the Council of Constance and invited him to join them. Nothing to worry about, just a wee chat. Or so they said. Instead of having that wee chat, the Council arrested Hus and put him on trial (and then in jail) for, you guessed it, heresy. He was kept in a dungeon and, when he refused to recant his teachings, was sentenced to death. The Church even refused him his last rights before burning him at the stake. And to think they said they just wanted to talk.

** The Joust Of Whores Organized By Pope Alexander VI: The Joust of Whores is just one example of the corrupt and ridiculous popes of yore. In 1501, Pope Alexander VI (a Borgia, if that rings any bells), who was known to have some pretty refined hobbies, like watching horses fornicate, took things way over the top. According to historian Tony Perrottet, he invited 50 women to strip at the pope's table. Then things got weird.As Perrotet writes: "Alexander and his family gleefully threw chestnuts on the floor, forcing the women to grovel around their feet like swine; they then offered prizes of fine clothes and jewelry for the man who could fornicate with the most women."It's rumored Alexander VI was killed by his son, Cesar. Just to show how truly f*cked up Alexander was, his body was expelled from the basilica of Saint Peter. Why? He was considered too evil for sacred soil.

** The Roman Inquisition, During Which Judaism And Love Magic Were Serious Crimes: The level of the Church's involvement in various inquisitions can be argued. It's important to remember Pope Innocent IV (ironic name, that) explicitly condoned torture as an Inquisition interrogation technique in his papal bull Ad extirpanda in 1252 (which bull probably deserves its own place on this list). The Spanish Inquisition, most famous of these murder orgies, was carried by Spanish royalty and friars, who were Catholic, but not working directly for, or under direction of, the Vatican.

But wait, kids! Don't forget the Roman Inquisition, or the Supreme Sacred Congregation of the Roman and Universal Inquisition, which was 100% the church's doing. In 1542, as part of a Counter-Reformation against Protestantism (seriously, didn't these people have anything better to do than overreact to other Christians who pissed them off?), the Spanish Inquisition's gentle cousin, the Roman Inquisition, was born. Galileo and Copernicus were among those questioned. While Church staple heresy was a popular dish during the Inquisition, the menu had a number of options, including blasphemy, Judaism (which is a crime how?), immorality, witchcraft, love magic (yes please), and anything else wrathful Papists could shoe-horn in. John Bargrave, a  contemporary English writer, described how he was questioned in Latin (rather than Italian) to prevent uneducated guards from understanding what was being said. He was also prevented from carrying books "printed at any heretical city, as Geneva, Amsterdam, Leyden, London, or the like." Not as bad as the Spanish Inquisition, sure, but very much related and equally dogmatic, close minded, and power-mongering. A Church specialty

** Imprisoning Galileo In His Home For Years Because He Suggested Science Was Greater Than God:  The Church and science have a complicated relationship, to put it nicely. In 1633, Galileo Galilei, the father of, like, all science, was put on trial by the Church for saying the sun is the center of the universe and the earth moves around it, rather than the other way around. Which is, you know, true for the most part (sure, okay, the sun isn't the center of the universe, but still, he was onto something). But that didn't matter. Pope Urban VIII was having none of it, seeing Galileo's statement as horrific heresy. So, 10 cardinals sat in judgment of Galileo, who was threatened with torture, imprisonment, and even being burned at the stake. Galileo, 69 at the time and in a "pitiable state of bodily indisposition," eventually renounced his beliefs. Because of this, the church went easy on him and, rather than torture, he was subjected to house arrest until he died. What a way to treat the father of modern of science. And what does the church have to say on the subject now? "We today know that Galileo was right in adopting the Copernican astronomical theory," Paul Cardinal Poupard, the head of an investigation into the matter said in 1992. So, only 350 years too late.

** Cutting Funding For Immigrants Because Of Their Connection To The LGBTQ+ Community:  Not all Catholic faux pas come from the past; there's been some dodgy stuff in modern times, as well (see priest rape bonanza), and the church's relationship with the LGBTQ+ community continues to be a source of frustration. But here's a humdinger: For years, the Church gave thousands of dollars to Compañeros, a nonprofit helping Hispanic immigrants access healthcare, understand laws, and meet other basic needs. That is, until the Church found out Compañeros teamed up with a gay and lesbian rights group, at which point Nicole Mosher, executive director of  Compañeros, was informed their funding was in danger. Compañeros is but one example of organizations the Church threatens for not falling in line with the most strident dictates of Catholicism. The New York Times explained in 2002, "Since 2010, nine groups from across the country have lost financing from the campaign because of conflicts with Catholic principles."On the one hand, of course it's okay for the Church to withhold money from causes in contradiction with its beliefs. Like, say, an abortion clinic. But cutting off funding to aid the needy simply because of an association with the LGBTQ+ community seems extreme and unfair, especially given Church doctrine on helping the needy and feeding the poor. What's more, members of the LGBTQ+ community can identify as Catholic and go to church, but can't be helped by that Church? This is all the more more difficult to swallow when considering the Church's $1.6 billion stock portfolio...”

From https://m.ranker.com/list/most-unforgivable-things-the-catholic-church-has-done/lea-rose-emery

[grimoire-of-geekery]

Adult asks answered!

Warning: I am a curmudgeon, and some of these opinions may come across as mean, rude, or overly critical.  This is intentional.  Get off my lawn.

1: Exactly how long have you been in your current relationship?

15 years almost exactly with my first husband. Closer to 9 years with my second husband, 7 with my third, and 4 with my fiance. And yes, I'm still with them all, so they all count as "current relationships!" *laughs maniacally in polyamorous*

2: Most recent purchase over $500.

Phones. LOL we had to get everyone new phones, like last year.  We’re still three iGenerations behind.

3: How much of the furniture you own is the kind you have to build yourself?

None. All of the furniture we have is bought from places like Rent-A-Center, from a vintage or thrift store, or we inherited it.

4: If you were to acquire a baby tomorrow what would you name it?

Uhhh... "Someone Else's Problem." Or maybe "Cauldron," last name "Fodder."

5: How often do you change your sheets...really.

Like once a month. Yeah, I know...

6: Biggest adult decision ever:

Buying a house!

7: More immature thing you do on a regular basis.

Get into stupid arguments for no reason?  I dunno, I try to curb my immature impulses.  I like being a geek, some people think that’s immature.  I don’t think it is, though, so they can suck it.

8: Biggest bill you pay.

Mortgage, probably.  It’s not a bad payment though.

9: Smallest bill you pay.

Netflix.  Either that or our subscription to Final Fantasy XIV.

10: What small responsibility do you get the most excited over?

Having a house key (which I don't always carry with me), because I wasn't ever allowed to have one as a kid.

11: List your kids from most tolerable to least tolerable based on the past 24 hours.

...

Tada! That's the list!  *laughs even louder in child-free*

12: Favorite year of school?

I hated school. Mostly because of the other students.

13: Have you actually thought about retirement?

Yes! We have a plan, actually. Where we want to live, what kind of house we want to have, who will have to die or "disappear" so we can live there without issues... It's a whole big thing!

14: Is sex better now than it was in high school/college?

Eh, it's good, but I'm not in as good of shape as I used to be, so I'd say probably about even.  We’ve gotten better in technique, and we know each other better after all these years, but my health’s gotten slightly worse.

15: Do you own sex toys?

OF COURSE?!  Who doesn’t own sex toys these days??

16: Favorite place in your home?

My living room. :D  That or my ritual room.  Neither is perfectly set up yet, though.

17: What's making you feel old?

There are people in this world having CHILDREN who have never existed in a world without Spongebob Squarepants. :/

18: What do you drive?

I don't drive personally. But our family car is an Escalade.

19: What adult responsibility do you loathe?

TAXES.  That and the DMV and getting my stupid ID renewed.  Oh, and probably voting.

20: The last time you did shots?

Not a thing I do.

21: What aggravates you about teenagers nowadays?

The same thing I've always hated about young people, ever since I was one. Casual cruelty.

22: 5 biggest pet peeves.

1) Cisgender heterosexual men, like everything about that entire social role. The smug superiority that comes with being a cisgender male with conventionally average sexuality... dude, it doesn't make you special, it makes you boring and probably dangerous. Shut. The fuck. Up. 2) People who put their damn food or soft drink on my altars! Makes me want to sit on their lap and pass gas. RUDE. 3) People who touch my hair or jewelry without asking, and people who get offended if they ask and I say no. Swear to gods, next person gets a throat punch. 4) How people use social media. People never post anything really good or important, they only ever post their inane and often-poorly-researched opinions, or lies they want people to believe about their lives. 5) People who use their mental illness, marginalized status, or other misfortunes as an excuse for abusive behavior. Being neurodivergent doesn't justify being an asshole, nor does your fibromyalgia, poverty state, sexual orientation or gender identity, or any other feature of your life. Speaking as someone who has mental and physical health issues, a marginalized religion and queer identity, and who is a person of color- THIS DOESN'T EXCUSE US FROM BEING ASSHOLES.

23: What are your shows right now?

Rewatching Once Upon a Time, which is awesome, cuz I have never related to a TV character so much as I relate to Regina Mills. I'm also a big fan of Dragon Prince, and the new Charmed, Sabrina, and She-Ra!

24: Have your political views changed since you left school?

Nope, they've just grown.

25: What's changed the most since 5 years ago?

I'm way more tired than I used to be. And fatter. And my back's fucked up.