#but can you actually blame me when i'm surrounded by this bullshit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mdhwrites · 2 months

Note

if you've seen Steven universe how would you compare it to TOH? I've seen many takes that TOH is Steven Universe 'done correctly' which drives me up a wall, especially since TOH has a lot of the same flaws as SU (pretty much everyone has to be tied to steven in some way- the same way everyone's gotta tie into Luz, White Diamond pisses me off for the same reason the collector does and dear god both finales are messes and the worldbuilding is also kind of messy) but pretty much everyone can agree that Steven Universe's themes of restorative justice are good, its themes surrounding interpersonal relationships and intergenerational trauma is good- I've seen people justify how TOH handles its villains 2 ways "its doing steven universe's restorative justice but like correctly" or "its about killing your oppressors, which steven should have done" which is dumb. Idk this fandom has a huge hate-boner for SU and Amphibia in general though. I also saw someone have the take the collector and belos where foils which... Is weird I can see where they come from but they never are put together in a way that highlights their similarities and differences. So what are some actual comparisons that can made between the shows outside of LGBT characters and surface level stuff?

Sadly I have not seen Steven Universe so I can't really comment on much of it. I've seen the first episode (both halves), decided the gems were insufferable to me and Steven was okay and went on with my life because at the time, I was a full time college student and a part time Walmart employee. I do like some of the songs that have reached me but I never got an in with the show, especially since my early experience with it was much like Gravity Falls where I heard a lot of high concept stuff about it but not much about why I would actually enjoy a given episode, what was enjoyable about the characters, etc. like that. Honestly, the only criticism I know of for it is that people hate the ending.

BUT.

I have seen one other thing. I have seen about twenty minutes of the Steven Universe movie. With that I can say one thing definitively even if it's not clearing a high bar: The Diamond's turn to good is better than the Collector's because they have literally ANY reason to listen to the person preaching at them. The Collector doesn't. In fact, he has no reason to reform and it is drastically out of character for him to care about... Anyone?

Let me start on the Diamond's side because I don't have a lot to say about this but it is something I'm surprised I haven't heard anyone talk about: They were clearly traumatized by the loss of Pink Diamond. Whether or not you think this is a good part of the plot isn't what matters, the point is that this is a literal fact to the story. This grief has gone unresolved for literal decades (just going by Steven's lifespan, someone in my Discord provided the context that they blamed themselves for her DEATH, not just disappearance, for CENTURIES which only bolsters the point I'm making) and has festered in them a desperation for their old comrade? Friend? I don't 100% know but you get the point. So when her son arrives and can't be kept by force, they're going to be pretty amenable to listen to whatever demands means keeping him around. Is that great? No, I wouldn't say it is as the question of what happens when Steven dies is there but it works for forcing them to consider the consequences of their actions and how they may need to change to have the life they desire. It is a compelling force for the first step of change. It's not amazing but it is at least functional from a narrative standpoint, an emotional standpoint and from a character standpoint. Not that it's great but that it is functional. You can string together how this works without having to just invent bullshit.

The Collector has none of these three because he's the literal fucking worst.

I've talked about this before but the Collector isn't the child the fandom treats him as. Even if we try to disconnect the second season version of the Collector, who very much so knows what death is and the consequences of his actions, S3 Collector does have a foil to Belos: He's an actual colonizing piece of shit. Not in that he is literally colonizing places but in mindset. Everything to him is something to be used for his entertainment or enrichment or it is to be stripped of all rights and brutally oppressed until it fits the role he desires. This is what happens when you become a LITERAL. FUCKING. DOLL. And he even has enforcers like the armies colonies would use that have wildly more powerful magic, i.e. technology, in order to make that oppression more seamless. Remember: Hexside is actively hiding from roaming stars that he just has going around the Isles that hoover up people, making at least those who resist into dolls immediately without question, and then bringing them to him to be new play toys in his game. That is explicitly what he has been doing to the entire Isles for MONTHS once S3 episode 2 happens.

People do not matter to him and this even extends to King. When King steps out of line, The Collector cracks the whip. He's even willing to KILL KING for having the gall of caring about anyone other than him. Those death games would be just as lethal to King as it would be to Eda and Luz after all. And if you actually do divorce S2's "PLAY AMONGST THE BONES!" line (which is fucking awful because you have to remove literally all of the first appearances of a character which is usually considered, you know... Bad) and believe that he doesn't know what death is... He knows what pain is. He knows what torture is. He knows the despair of being trapped in a space where you can't move or act or do anything except watch as an observer on a world that could destroy you at any moment because your prison is all of your being.

And then he makes people into dolls, with consciousness, without a second thought. He is willing to BREAK people in order to make them play along. His literal plan was to shatter the bodies of the Owl House trio over and over and over again until they were subservient to his desires. That is WORSE than just wanting to kill them. And he only stops to throw a tantrum because he fails to succeed and starts whining about it like any selfish asshole not getting his way. Not like a child: Like a selfish asshole.

So with ALL of this, what does the show do to try to make him consider the consequences of his actions? Well... Nothing. It claims it's trying to do something but the tour with the trio is much more a circle jerk about how amazing the show was and how much could have happened if not for the shortening ("That sounds like something that could have been its own spin off!" Or whatever King says to Eda talking about her and Raine's time at Hexside) than it is about talking to the Collector. There's a couple lines here and there, talking to him about what works for making friends but does it stick?

No, the Collector learns nothing and in mocking Steven Universe, they make that clear. The Collector is told that people are complex and you must show compassion. Rather than actually believing this, he uses it like a blunt hammer, just like all of his other solutions, to make a problem of his go away. That's why he hugs Belos and assumes it will work. He is not considering the complexity of humanity or the person he is applying this to. It is just to solve a problem so he'll get praised and go back to playing his games. Nothing. More.

And then he fucks off instead of fixing the damage he'd done because why would he stay? Why would he help? He hasn't learned anything and he doesn't want to help these people. He has NO motivation for why he helps save the Archive except otherwise he loses his sweet crash pad. So afterwards? He's gonna go somewhere where he can be himself and not be scolded for it because this toy is no longer fun.

Edit: He does stay to change everyone back from dolls. That much more falls into the "It's the ending, we have to have the problem only he can fix be fixed by him" despite the fact that he is responsible for so much more destruction that would theoretically be pretty easy for him to fix as well. He only does what is demanded of him for the sake of a happy ending, not because of character motivation, not from how I see it at least.

The most condemning part of this is that it's all around Luz. All around someone he doesn't like. He sees Luz as trying to take away his only friend after all and, you know, he is correct about that. They don't even try to hide that fact during the tour. They're still clearly upset with him and not even trying to be his friend, they're just lecturing him. It doesn't work from a character perspective, a narrative perspective or an emotional one. King MIGHT have with better writing, there's a reason I always wanted the Collector redeemed by one of his games forcing him to have to kill King by the rules he made before breaking it and having to face how that's unfair and cruel to others since they wouldn't get that leniency, but that's not how the show plays it. King is an unwilling servant for one episode and then VERY against the Collector in the next until after the death games. When he first shows up, King isn't trying to mediate, he is ready to fight just like the other two. He's not the Collector's friend and he never was so why would the Collector bother listening to him?

That is why me saying the Diamonds, even with my limited knowledge, works better than the Collector is almost literally the worst you can do when it comes to something like this. All the setup is wrong, the catalyst requires explicit retcons and don't work with the character and the payoff is... Nothing. Literally nothing. The only way to have done it worse is to have had everyone praise the Collector before he then stabbed Amity and no one acted like that was a problem. It can only function because we are TOLD he's redeemed even if he never shows it.

Andrias standing alone as a farmer, accepting the punishment for his actions and trying to make better on them, is such better payoff to a redemption arc than anything the Collector gets and his redemption was in character and setup by his past. So then let's get to one of your last points: Why is it that the TOH fandom rags on SU and Amphibia so much, especially for their endings, when theirs is such shit?

Well... Because that's the reputation of TOH. That it is the 'good' one. That it is better than almost all other media. The show itself, with moments like the Collector mocking the SU ending by hugging Belos, reinforces this. As such, for you to criticize TOH as failing in a department that other shows are not rapturously praised for is to fall out of sync with the show itself. As such, all other works must be placed beneath it, especially if those are widely believed to have a flaw in an element to then raise TOH up with. This is part of why so many people want to say the Amphibia ending is wrong because the Amphibia ending is brave and controversial and saying something while the TOH ending?

I mean... Do you really think the Collector's the only part of it objectively flawed like this? Because if a major redemption for your big bad is botched this badly, you can bet other problems exist. I've talked about them at length. But there are probably people out there who would call me the Lily Orchard of TOH if I was better known.

See you next tale.

======+++++======

That last line isn't an endorsement of Lily Orchard btw, just that I have to imagine it's the label I would be given. What little exposure I've had to her works is... YIKES. Just fucking yikes. My Discord has really enjoyed every time I've live reacted to a video of hers they've posted there. sigh

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#the owl house criticism #toh critical #toh #the owl house #the collector #Steven Universe

42 notes · View notes

narconfessions · 1 year

Note

Not dark per se, but definitely a NPD confession that I dont feel I can share elsewhere.

I actually Do want to collect "oppression points." I like being part of marginalized groups because it makes me feel special and being the victim in situations makes brain go brr. I dont go so far as faking things to feel oppressed, but I do take pleasure in being plural/disabled/queer/trans/cluster B/autistic/a trauma survivor/etc (which I am) partly because I like feeling special.

(Disclaimer this is not to say that discrimination and hatred based on these things does not affect me negatively. I do experience and struggle with ableism and queerphobia and other things.)

i can't believe my eyes because i genuinely thought no one else felt this way and im so relieved to know im not the only one. this is tough with my severe impulsivity too because sometimes i impulsively come out in situations where i KNOW i'm not safe just because i impulsively want attention and sympathy.

i think the problem with the whole thing surrounding "oppression points" is that most often, it's just a term pulled out by marginalized people who have fallen into the trap of respectability politics, to describe people who don't fit their worldview. for example, autistic people who i've seen shit on autigender people because "IM autistic and IIIII understand gender so why can't you". and just look at the endless cycle of exclusionism within the queer community. it's always that we "just want oppression points to be special" but the whole problem in the first place is that we've made oppression out to be something special in the first place! the online world has placed a hierarchy on who is coolest and most valuable based on how many marginalized identities they have. we've created this idea that being marginalized is "cool". sure, it can be a big part of your identity but i've met so many people online who genuinely believed they were cooler and more interesting than cishets just by virtue of having a different gender modality or sexuality and i've also met so so many cishets and guys whose mental health has genuinely plummetted because they think they are not cool because they have no or very few marginalized identities and it's like. being gay or trans or nd or disabled IS cool, but it's not what MAKES YOU COOL! no one is inherently better than anyone else based on unchangeable aspects of their identity because your morality is based on what you choose and how you act, not just who you are. i'm not saying "aw boohoo white cishets are so oppressed" because that's bullshit, but i do think it's ridiculous how much we've turned marginalization into a competition of cool points. you can have as much pride in your marginalized identity as you want but you are not morally better just by virtue of being an Oppressed Person. so that's why this whole "oppression points" thing has taken off and instead of criticizing the hierarchy of oppression-based worth and value that's contributed to it, people just blame other marginalized people for being the "wrong" kind of queer or nd. there's nothing wrong with liking having multiple marginalizations and enjoying the attention from it, it's just when it becomes, like you said, something that people take as paradigm for peoples value or "coolness" and fake stuff because they think it'll make them cooler, when it's a problem like babe no! you are not a boring person just cuz you're cis or straight or nt or abled or white or whatever you have a personality and a life and a value. if people realized that they had value outside of societal checklists and boxes, then people making fun of other marginalized people for being supposed "fakers wanting oppression points" will die down. (none of this is said to invalidate you it's just my take on the nuance of the whole 'oppression points' thing.)

#reign replies

38 notes · View notes

violet-moonstone · 8 months

Text

Skuld the Sorceress headcanons

shoutout to the httyd comics for giving me a bunch of characters to use in my fanfic. (this is for my thw rewrite)

so my backstory on skuld is that sometime after the events of httyd 2, she joins forces with the northern alliance, and while she's still up to her "sorceress" bullshit (at least thats the plan for now) she also has legitimately useful information about the barbaric archipelago that she's learned from travelling around and duping people. so she is actually useful but probably uses the mysticism to embellish and make herself appear more powerful. I think it would be great if she were like the mellisandre to drago's stannis (as in a mystical advisor blowing smoke up his ass about his destined greatness. i use a lot of asoiaf characters as analogies. except in this case skuld isnt a true believer, she's just a survivor who will say and do anything necessary). I really want to have some scenes of her giving vague-ass prophecies about the outcome of battles that could be interpreted as positive or negative based on the desires of the person listening. i love when shit like that happens.

I imagine she's particularly good friends with griselda the grievous and despite not being particularly fond of children in general, she likes griselda and chaghatai's kids, especially oktai . I'm thinking chaghatai probably sees through the sorceress thing and doesn't trust her. ragnar is probably scared of her.

I want drago and skuld to actually be completely head over heels for each other but extremely hesitant to show anything other than lust because both of them think about love as a weakness. aghhh i cant get them out of my head!

also im using the premise of the fire tides as setup, so drago has that tormpentipede dragon attatched to his shoulder. uh...this is going to make intimacy between them...interesting. i have some ideas but idk how wild i wanna make things

anyway im in love with this villain couple and i need to draw them (especially with skuld in some new outfits i have in mind for her. i put some inspiration photos below)

got some mellisandre obviously. the second photo is great because wings of war (working title for the wip) is also going to take place in fall/winter and i love the image of skuld surrounded by drago's freezing, exhausted soldiers meanwhile she's all elegant and unscathed

hildur from norsemen. i love this conniving bitch with my whole heart. she's my favourite character in the show. also definitely using her fur lined cloak as inspiration

reluctantly adding skade the witch from the last kingdom because i cant stand her but i like her clothes and accesories. I love the concept of her character but idk...maybe it was the acting? something about her felt whiny and juvenile when she should have been intimidating and sultry. anyway. next.

morgana pendragon my actual wife. i. love. her. free my girl, she did all of that but like...can you blame her???

anyway, i think my ideas for skuld's clothes will look a lot like morgana's winter outfits but with the colour schemes of her gowns pre-villain arc.

i think skuld's outfits were a lot more similar to skade's before she joined the northern alliance, but the more she gained influence, the more they (specifically griselda and drago) were willing to indulge her finer tastes

#skuld the sorceress #thw rewrite #httyd 3 rewrite #httyd headcanon #httyd headcanons #drago/skuld #skuld/drago

5 notes · View notes

suguwu · 1 year

Note

😱😱😱 Bee you do it to Takao like that?? You kill him like that!? No goodbye, no last "I love yous" that's so cruel!!

okay before i get into THAT, you never fail to provide the most beautiful detail to every mundane moment, but if i gushed over every one, this ask would get five part series too

Honest to god i was so certain Takao would've actually left in the end. Like "oh your soulmate's here? guess i'll die" and he just!! goes!! and let's be real in his shoes, i dont blame him. at least he said something. he communicated his feelings and he took a step back because he wanted space.

like yeah reader suffers a bit, but she's got a solid support system. she's got her parents, she's got her friends. have i mentioned i love Abe and Yoshikawa so much?? what would this story be like without them? how would Reader cope without them?? i dare not think.

also you're so good at describing food, i wanted those crepes so much

okay and i must know, what's the soulmate clause in the marriage contract, what was all that about??? it sure sounds like a lot of boring paperwork to me, and a headache to work through. you're so good at weaving subtle worldbuilding in where it matters, but that's the problem, i want the story to be about bullshit soulmate clauses in marriage contracts. what are soulmate laws here, what do they look like

Kita is so good, that's the problem. the progression of their interactions between text and phone call to eventual physical visits was very sweet. If he was an asshole that'd make things easier. and honestly i was Very nervous where it was going because like especially when the wedding got cancelled after reader met her soulmate, i'd lose my mind because you KNOW that got people's tongues wagging.

it's unfortunate that it's not hard to imagine that a lot of people would in fact, find reader insane for not immediately choosing her soulmate in a heartbeat. your neighbors, your co-workers, distant relatives, people on the goddamn street etc

oh my god speaking of, i wasn't kidding when i said i would've fist fight Atsumu in the streets, i could've HOWLED.

Aran is a fuckin blessing because i knew the twins were gonna have Opinions on reader after she rejected Kita. THEY may be protective of Kita, but I'M protective of reader and i'm stronger, i know it. i could beat them. the social expectation surrounding soulmates would be abysmal, can you imagine?? and we only got a little taste of it, when Atsumu just threw his hands up like "He's your soulmate!" as if that was supposed to be the end all be all statement to end an argument. when reader is MARRIED??

oh, you already have a partner? forget them! you met your soulmate! guilt tripped reader for KITA'S choice to remain in contact as if it's her job to manage his feelings. i'd ream Atsumu so hard it'd strip the hair dye from his follicles and he'd have to go back to Onigiri Miya, a brunette again.

thank god reader has supportive loved ones. thank fuckin god. if i got grilled by the general public, or even people in my life why i chose Some Guy and not my Soulmate, i would kill everyone in the room and then myself. SMH

okay i definitely had more to say but i'm gonna cut myself off now before i go insane luv u so much bee, congratulations again on getting part 2 out!!

whisper beloved this had me ROLLING lmao thank you so much for taking the time for this!!

cut because this is a long answer lol

i did do it to takao like that i'm afraid,,,he deserved better but i couldn't give it to him. i knew it from the start

takao could have peaced out and honestly it would have been the expected thing for him to do in this society! so he just took a step back. which i think was hard for him but easier than it could have been, knowing the support system reader has in place. i'm SO glad you love abe and yoshikawa they are also near and dear to my heart,,,love a good friendship!

lskjdflksjdf once i'm done with the fic i may release some of my worldbuilding notes! for the shrine clause (and a clause used by most marriage venues), it's one that allows the person getting married to get out of the contract without any consequences if they meet their soulmate. so they would get their deposit/any money back and not be held responsible for any penalties that might otherwise be described in said contract.

for the form they hand in at the time of marriage, some countries track soulmates and have bureaucratic systems around it. it's almost like a census in some ways. the form is essentially a report about whether either party has met their soulmate and if they are marrying their soulmate. it can be used as a way to stop the marriage if the soulmate desires to do so.

kita is Very Good and that's half of the issue, like you said! and yes, society has a Lot to say about reader's choice - it's very unusual and there's a lot of controversy around people who don't stay with their soulmates (don't even get me started on soulmate divorce).

PLEASE I AM CACKLING honestly atsumu deserves a fist fight for that one! both the twins do in their own way (osamu distracted kita so atsumu could go after reader). reader's been hoping to avoid them because she knew from aran's stories (they've met a few times, mostly over facetime when he was visiting kita) that meeting them probably wouldn't go well. and...on the money with that one.

thank you thank you for all of the thought that went into this ask. you are always far too kind and i'm so glad you enjoyed it!!!

#🪴.ask #whisper.🪷#.lbgtm #.lbgtm spoilers #rainy day tag #i'm still laughing about sending atsumu back to onigiri miya a brunette lsdkflsjfd

4 notes · View notes

bylightofdawn · 1 year

Text

Lee Dong-sik might actually be coming for Obi-Wan's crown when it comes to shipping with infinite sadness. Lee Dong-sik/Infinite Sadness is definitely the actual major pairing in this fandom I've decided. Spoiler ranting below

I'm almost done with episode 9 and I am HATING this bullshit superiority needlessly blaming Dong-sik for Min-jeong's death that Ju-won is doing right now.

Get right the fuck out of here with that bullshit, sir. How the fuck is he supposed to MIND READ she was still alive when he found dismembered fucking fingers at a serial killer's murder basement. The amount of mental reaching you have to do to come to that conclusion is staggering.

How has he managed to become even smugger and makes me want to punch him even more in his pretty face and bloody his nose?

I'm also feeling super fucker cheated that Dong-sik did not get the chance to kick Kang Jin-muk's ass. I'm sure there will be some convoluted plan surrounding his suicide but right now I am feeling very crabby about the whole thing.

I also need to go edit my previous beyond evil post because when I was live-blogging it I thought Ju-won was in Busan trying to find someone who knew the prostitute. I still want to believe he's battling with some kind of guilt for her death. But right now he's coming across like a class-a bastard and I don't particularly enjoy his character.

You're really going to go to a traumatized man who was literally digging into the dirt desperate to find his sister's corpse, only for him to get the thinnest glimmer of hope he's finally found her and can get some fucking closure only to get that ripped away and then decide "How can I make this worse?" Oh let me go lay foundless accusations and pile MORE GUILT onto his head. Maybe you should kick him in the balls while you're at it?

Yes, I might be at risk of becoming the one who views Lee Dong-sik as her little Meow Meow. No, I am NOT okay with that and I do not want to talk about it. But I am very much turning into a feral Rosa Diaz from B99 when Dong-sik is becoming my Arlo.

Edit: OH MY GOD THAT ENDING. Motherfucker it’s 1 am I cannot stay up for another hour+ episode of Lee Dong-ski’s endless man pain hour. I have work tomorrow gdi

#beyond evil spoilers #beyond evil

3 notes · View notes

loominggaia · 2 years

Note

By accident either Sophie/abigal/ or both find out Evan is gay. What is the fallout?

I think there are a few different possibilities, depending on when and how they found out.

This might seem like a bit of a tangent here, but stay with me. I promise it comes full circle...

Sofia and Abigail were surprisingly accepting of Evan's lycanthropy. Even though lycanthropes are sentenced to death in their culture, it is considered a pitiable disease, and the victim is not blamed in most cases. Executing a lycanthrope is considered tragic but necessary for the good of public health.

Homosexuality, on the other hand...In Evangelite culture, this is also considered a disease. Lycanthropy is contracted from werewolf bites, but Evangelites believe that homosexuality is contracted by engaging in sexual activities with the same sex. It's something that people usually bring upon themselves, and therefore isn't pitiable in most cases.

Lycanthropes literally turn into bloodthirsty beasts that eat people, yet they are pitied and their disease is not always their fault, according to Evangelite society. Meanwhile gay people aren't hurting anyone, yet Evangelites persecute them for perceived crimes. This is because there is no distinction between "homosexual" and "sexual predator" in Evangelite culture. These two things are rolled into one disorder called "sexual deviancy". Evangelites believe that homosexuality is a disease that causes insatiable urges to prey on same-sex people, especially children or those otherwise weaker than the deviant.

Like lycanthropes, homosexuals are sentenced to death in Evangeline Kingdom because there is no "cure" for their disease. They are executed in the interest of public health all the same, because Evangelites believe it's inevitable that they will hurt someone and spread the disease just like a werewolf. But unlike the werewolf, they probably contracted their disease by sinning, and because of this they deserve the punishment.

Ironically, Evan actually did contract his lycanthropy on purpose and yet his family still pities him for it. He certainly didn't ask to be gay, and it's very possible that they would shun him for it because in their eyes, he probably contracted homosexuality by doing things he wasn't supposed to, and now he is a danger to society.

In addition, lycanthropy is much better understood by Evangelites than homosexuality. That's because it's an actual disease with actual medical science behind it, so you can pick up a text book and get accurate information about it.

Meanwhile homosexuality is not even a real disease. This is some bullshit that the Lindist House of Humanity made up, so the information surrounding it is wishy-washy, contradictory, and very taboo to learn about anyway.

All of this is to say that Sofia and Abigail know lycanthropy, they understand lycanthropy, and they feel confident about still keeping Evan in their lives despite this disease because they are armed with knowledge. They know and accept the risks. Homosexuality might be a different story though, because they don't really understand it, and their faith discourages them from learning about it. All they know is "gay = pedophile/rapist/evil scum".

Sofia was heartbroken when she found out about Evan's lycanthropy, but only because she was worried about him first and foremost, not about society. Lycanthropy is dangerous to others, but in Evangeline lands, no one is in more danger than the lycanthrope themselves. They are hunted and put down like animals.

If Evan told her he was attracted to other men, I think her own ignorance would make her even more upset. She would wonder how he got that way and how she failed him as a mother. She would not know how to keep him safe or how to keep others safe from him, so she would be more likely to shun him or turn him in to the authorities. She might reason that it was for "his own good".

As for Abigail, I'm pretty sure her first instinct would be to shun him. She loves Evan, but she has a husband and a teenage son and it wouldn't be worth the risk to her. So she would basically tell him "have a nice life, but have it far away from my family and don't contact us again. Ever."

That's all assuming Evan couldn't educate them though. Sofia and Abigail are both quite indoctrinated by their backwards culture, but they're also pretty intelligent and free-thinking as far as Evangelite women go. They don't always follow the rules. They've broken them for Evan in the past by lying for him, covering for him, and saving his life by buying Zareenite medicine on the black market. They aren't totally brainwashed like many Evangelites are. They might be willing to listen to his point of view, and over time, may just realize it's the truth.

After all, check out this piece of dialogue from Abigail in "Lost and Found":

Abigail squeezed [Evan's] hand and continued, “I promised I’d always love you, no matter what you were. Do you really think I love Evangeline’s stupid laws more than I love my baby brother? Why on Gaia would you ever think I’d turn you in to the Guard?”

I think that says it all. They would want to push him away at first, but if he could get through to them, I think they would grow even closer as a family.

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

#ask #askliterature #askevan #askculture #askevangeline #asksofia #askabigail #asksexuality

3 notes · View notes

silverfox579 · 7 months

Text

mod!harry potter x dc

Death looks away from the universe for one second to take care of some personal business. When they look back, the multiverse is broken. They decide to send their new bridge, the Master of Death, to go and fix it.

Harry did not sign up for this.

---------------

"So, let me get this straight."

Harry tried not to grimace. The blonde Brit who'd had the misfortune to catch Death's eye looked on the verge of an aneurysm—and really, he couldn't blame him. If he'd been told by an interdimensional sort of deity that all the suffering he'd endured throughout his lifetime was actually one giant mistake, he'd want to shoot the messenger too.

John Constantine, occult detective and twice-damned soul, massaged the side of his head. No one else could see Harry, but Constantine had applied a spell to freeze time the instant Harry had been dropped in—literally—so there were no other active humans in the rowdy bar save for the two of them.

"You're saying this," the wizard said, waving his hand to gesture to...everything, "is because your boss...blinked. And their siblings, the 'Endless', fucked over the entire multiverse in the span of that one, single blink?"

"Er," Harry said. "Pretty much."

John leaned backward over the bar. He closed his eyes. "I can't do this sober," he declared, reaching out to rummage through the shelves behind him. "Morgana's left tit!" The bottles wouldn't move. Time being frozen meant that there were some...unique restrictions on the surrounding environment.

John flopped over, splaying out on the bar. "Just kill me now," he moaned. "Why would you tell me that? Are you outta your bloody mind?!"

"I mean, the world was supposed to reach this stage eventually," Harry attempted to reassure. "So it's not really like, forbidden knowledge. The only difference now is that it's reached a point where Death can do something about it."

John shot him a dirty look. "I don't give two fucks. Bugger off, bitch." Then he flipped him off.

Harry sighed again and looked down at his very, very long list of souls. "I'll put you down for an IOU then," he said, scribbling down a note on the weathered parchment. "If you ever want to cash it in, just call for me. A reaper will connect your request to me."

"What do I even qualify for?" John's face scrunched. "A bloody get-well card?"

Harry perked up a little. "I have a brochure here—"

"Never mind." John slammed his face back down onto the bar. "Gewr outd."

Harry sighed.

The next home visit didn't go much better. Probably because he'd directly appeared in the person's home.

"Please just listen to me," Harry all but pleaded. "It'll be quick. Ten minutes, max. I promise."

Wally West couldn't do much more than cross his arms thanks to the sticking charms Harry had cast on him, but his glare was deadly enough to make him cringe.

"You get one," he said in a low voice, his wife guarding her heavy stomach with a wary look in her eyes. "And if it turns out to be bullshit, you won't get enough time to regret it."

"Congratulations!" Harry blurted out. "You're eligible for death benefits!"

Wally punched him.

"He punched you?"

"He punched me."

Superman laughed, his cape swaying gently in the wind of the barren planet Harry had taken him to...to avoid property damage and all that. "You must've really spooked him. Flash usually isn't one to punch and run."

Harry shot him a withering glare. Clark managed a sheepish grin.

"To be honest, there isn't a lot I'm allowed to offer you," Harry admitted, shaking out the brochure with Clark Kent's benefits from his sleeve. "I mean, Ra already pretty much covered everything with you Kryptoninans. Indestructibility, laser vision, flight, the works. Is there anything else you want?"

Clark thought it over. "Not really," he admitted. "I'm happy with what I have. The simple life's all I've ever really wanted, y'know? Well, maybe not all the time, but it's good." He smiled. "I've had a good life."

Harry scrutinized him. Then he snapped his fingers. "I got it. How about this? I can give you this." He summoned a small glass cube, containing a single seed-like core in the middle.

"What's this?" Clark asked, holding the cube up to get a better look at it.

"That's Krypton."

Clark nearly dropped it. Luckily, he caught it before he did. "It's what?"

"To be exact, it's a world seed with a nearly identical formula to Krypton," Harry elaborated. "Here's a manual on how to raise it. Normally, it'd taken a few millennia to grow, but the version I gave you is already mature. It'll be around the size of a small moon, so pick a good spot for it, okay? It won't be big enough to sustain a whole population, but it'll show you some of the sights you missed out on." He dropped a thick tome in Clark's lap.

"I—" Clark stared at the cube in stunned silence.

"If you decide you want to return it, just call my name," Harry informed him. "Since I chose it for you, you'll get a free pass. Otherwise, just follow the manual, and you'll be good. Okay?" He didn't wait for a response. "Great! Looks like we're all done here then. I'll drop you back off."

"Wait—"

Harry snapped his fingers.

"I already told you," Jason Todd glared, "I'm not falling for your cheap ass scam. Go bother someone else. You're ruining my vibe."

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. "I already resurrected your adoptive mom from the dead. How is that not enough proof I'm the real deal?"

"Yeah, for like five minutes," Jason scoffed rebelliously. Harry felt like strangling him. "Any scammer could do that."

Harry wanted to scream. "You know what? Fine. If you don't believe me, I will bloody prove it to you—"

#dc universe #justice league #harry potter #crossover #fanfiction #fanfic #part 1 #i love being an author

1 note · View note

adrianasunderworld · 2 years

Note

I am living for the Ms. Roseheart slander, and she definitely deserves is. But I wonder what would happen if Yuu has like tattoos and piercings and gives of a total don't f with me I'll rock your shit kinda vibe but I'd actually a total sweetheart and is friends with all the mythical creatures around the school ( I'm going somewhere with this so stay with me) and then she threatens them and then everyone is ready to go after her.

Ghosts, fairies, a dragon (I am one hundred procent convinced is somewhere in that school) and a lot more. And this goes down and then certain things just stop working, the food goes bad, there isn't a lot of heat (sweaters and shawls become necessary) plants start dying and shiny things start going missing.

I just imagine her waking up at an hour in the night in the woods or something surrounded by creaters that tell her to leave and not come back.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk hope it was worth it. :)

Yuu is the edgy disney princess we all need. When you hear the birds chirping for your end, that's when you need to leave.

I can see Mrs.Rosehearts thinking Yuus alternative look is unprofessional, inappropriate, all that bullshit. Is constantly assuming the worst in them, "Only hoodlums dress like you, so cleary you are the one to blame for this." She has put them in detention for multiple things, even stuff they didn't do or actively tried to stop. And it's essentially landed her on the shit list of all of Yuus creature friends, and suddenly all this weird stuff is happening to her and only her.

#twisted wonderland #twst yuu

86 notes · View notes

superherorambles · 2 years

Text

I am having more platonic Damikon thoughts so y'all all get to be subjected to this

I think, when It happens. Like when Damian inevitably can't take it anymore (because he has a short fuse, he always had, and he doesn't like having to endure things that make him unhappy) and he ends up screaming at Jon, probably calls him every insult under the sun, with a tacked on, almost like an after thought "-I CAN'T STAND IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!" I think he packs his things, and moves in with Conner. (Idk I'm bullshitting abt where Conner lives in this scenario bc I can do that, but I think he'd have a nice, quaint studio apartment, just outside metropolis, where the city starts to thin out and turn to wilderness)

Conner flies him back to Gotham so he can keep attending school/do Robin stuff, and his family are all aware of where he is, ofc, bc you know dick would freak the fuck out if he didn't know

But anyways, I think when Jon finds out, he comes to Conner'a apartment to try and talk to Damian, but Conner answers the door because he *knows* who's at the door, and says, in a low, smooth tone, because he doesn't Damian to over hear, "You're like a little brother to me, so I'll say this once. Stay away from him until you figure your shit out, got it?"

And... Jon can't really argue with that, Conner *would* use some of that kryptonite Tim has hidden away and would absolutely rip his head off, so Jon stays away.

Alternatively, I would also like to see Damian moving to Blüdhaven w/ dick and Wally, I think he would just show up on their door step crying, something unintelligible about yelling at Jon and finally confessing his feelings, and Wally just ushers him in with a kind smile and helps him unpack in the spare room (Damian doesn't use the spare room that night, he cries himself to sleep tucked between dick and Wally, surrounded by love and warmth)

Everyone's a little confused about the new Robin/Nightwing teamup, but it's p chill because Robin is actually fairly relaxed around Nightwing, and he ends up helping out in Star City as well ("The Flash teaming up with Robin was a surprise." "A pleasant surprise?") So he doesn't feel quite so useless.

Jon isn't entirely sure. How to process the confession. But for Damian, it's like a weight is finally off his chest. Sure, he's totally dreading having to speak with Jon after what happened, (I mean, could you blame him?) but he feels so much *lighter*, because it's not looming behind him, making him question every action he takes regarding Jon, making him think "is this too much?", or "is this what a regular *friend* would do?"

Damian realizes he was so tired of hiding it, and now that he's finally just ripped off the bandaid, he feels so much lighter (yeah, he ran away to Blühaven, but again, can you blame him? He sought comfort the only way he knew how)

It's like Robin can finally fly again

#batman #damian wayne #batfam #conner kent #dick grayson #wally west #nightflash #dick x wally #damijon

94 notes · View notes

cipheramnesia · 2 years

Note

much like that other anon, I also want to say thank you for all your thoughtful and nuanced posts about transness and queerness and oppression and whatnot, though for another reason. people always talk about finding an IRL queer space to see that not everyone's immersed in the online bullshit we see so much of on this website, but that's not an option for me (by the time I was comfortable enough with the idea of being queer to consider it, my health wouldn't allow it)

I didn't have an in person queer community to guide me away from that type of bullshit when I was younger and first realized I was trans (or, I'm ashamed to say, to stop me from falling for transmed bullshit either) and I was stuck in that school of thought for longer than I like to admit (I think there's something to be said about how much easier it is to take out your outrage on other marginalized groups instead of the power structures keeping us all oppressed, about how systemic change is slow and sometimes feels like bashing your head into a wall but blaming someone you have the power to go after feels like you're doing something now, about how addicting it is to feel like you're actually doing something even if that something is only hurting other people and not changing anything for the better, and about how the people who push that sort of thing use those feelings to their advantage when trying to bring other people around to their line of thinking, but that's a topic for another time, and I digress)

but even without an IRL queer community I did have the next best thing: blogs like this one, run by people like you who bring the inclusivity of real life queer community with them into their online space and don't put up with the bullshit that's so rampant on social media. surrounding myself with better people and their inclusive and empathetic opinions eventually set me straight (set me queer? being set straight sounds horrible) and led me to realize I could be and needed to be better

I know blogging about queer issues can so often feel like you're telling a whole bunch of people things they already know, but at least one impressionable young queer became a better person for having read those posts, so, thank you

I'm like a little bit tearing up. I'm just happy making any tiny difference and hearing it feels like a lot.

31 notes · View notes

woodchoc-magnum · 3 years

Text

911 5x04 "Home and Away"

youtube

If you know, you know

I'm going to preface this by saying that I watched this episode - this entire episode - at my desk at work in the presence of other people, and despite everything that happened in it, and my tendency to cry at the drop of a hat - I didn't shed one single tear. Not one.

I do, however, feel like bottling all of those emotions was a mistake as I have felt emotionally wrung out and drained all afternoon, so... yeah.

I actually feel like I need to rewatch parts of it? Because I was like, holding my breath the entire time and I feel like I missed stuff.

Thoughts:

Really glad Athena gave her house a deep clean ngl

Claudette can go fuck herself

I feel like I've met people like Claudette in my life and the fact that everyone just gives her a pass - and she says shady shit to Linda, like, "oh I lost a bet, I said you wouldn't last six months" fucking biiiiiiiiitttttccccchhhhhhhhhhh - is total bullshit

But I do remember the last time a long-term 911 employee gave the new kid grief (Gloria in Season 2 with Maddie) so... yeah, Claudette, YOUR TIME IS COMING biiiiiiittttcchhhh

Oh she just comes in and takes over and Josh is like "she doesn't have to wear a uniform" like BITCH PLEASE who do you think you are SIT DOWN

Ngl I find medic Eddie very competent and sexy and very attractive

I'm looking forward to this little different partners arc? Hen and Eddie work so well together that I can't see how they're going to have too many differences, unless Hen just gets tired of Eddie talking about Buck all day

This kind of a small moment but I love how when they're at the hospital Hen gives Eddie a little reassuring pat on the arm - like she's his big sister

I mean - I need you to understand - I watched the scene where Hen tells the parents that their daughter is actually the one who passed away in a room full of people and I didn't shed a single tear because I simply cannot be seen crying (again) in my office

But it fucking broke me

If was at home in a safe space, I would've been a disgusting sobbing mess

Am I going to watch it again now that I'm home? NO

When I said that I wanted Buck's pink sweater to return, I didn't mean under these circumstances

I meant, like, he wears it to Eddie's house and Eddie rips it off him in the throes of passion, obviously

I also never realised that Buck lived like right in the middle of a city

for some reason I always pictured like a squat apartment block thing surrounded by trees? what the fuck is wrong with me

Has he ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CITY

because i don't know man

i'm feeling like they've bamboozled me here

Chim and Maddie's storyline this season is... absolutely fucking gutting, but like - I was thinking about it all afternoon. Chimney's not mad at her, he didn't give up on their relationship, he's not blaming her - he just wants to help her and bring her home safely.

Chimney loves Maddie. Fuck, he loves her so much. 😭

And like... I love Buck, and I see where he's coming from, and he was doing what Maddie asked him to do, but... fuck me.

He should've told Chimney. Chimney is Maddie's partner - for all intents and purposes, they're married. They have a daughter together. Did Buck just not realise that Maddie has PPD? That she's not making rational decisions? I get that in her mind it's rational - she thinks she's a danger to Jee Yun - but she needs fucking help. I don't know why Buck didn't realise that?

That whole scene with him and Chimney in his apartment is totally gut-wrenching, because you can see Chimney realise that Maddie talked to Buck, you can see the betrayal - that he's been suffering for over a week and Buck just let it happen without telling him.

How could you stand by for a week and watch one of your closest friends, your brother-in-law, suffer like that? And blame himself for being caught up in the middle of an emergency and not be able to come home? Buck, my dude.

He really fucked up on this one. That whole scene is so fucking brutal.

It's interesting how well Eddie knows Buck

He's the guy who tries to fix things, and this time, it didn't work...

But Eddie knows why he tried, and what his intentions were, and he's there for him when he needs support and reassurance. Eddie doesn't blame or berate him; he listens and understands and has his back.

Kind of interesting that Buck's girlfriend isn't anywhere around, I mean, idk.

It's interesting.

It's just very interesting.

#911 season 5 ep 4 reaction #Youtube

13 notes · View notes

aotopmha · 3 years

Text

So, I breezed through 18 episodes of Fruits Basket today.

I'm now at season 2 episode 17.

It just has extremely solid character writing and I'm invested enough to immediately want to know what happens next.

It is tropey and still has some of those tired and awkward elements that keep popping up, but when it is well done, it is well done.

Especially the main big players.

Kyo and Tohru are 100% the highlights for me so far and Akito is probably the perfect villain for this story.

Yuki has been good all the way through the story.

Ayame, Momiji and Kagura have come a long way on my likability scale in particular.

They were really one-dimensional and frustrating at first (and not necessarily in a good way).

I think the elements the story explores I like the most are abuse, self-love and the idea of changing a bad, stagnant system.

The Zodiac members have all been confined to a closed community with no other perspectives to be exposed to.

Akito is so powerful because of their perception of him and the perception of his perspective being the absolute truth.

And even if they do build outside relationships, Akito is so prominent in their lives that those relationships get hidden behind his, basically, indoctration of how they should view themselves.

This is some cult bullshit.

They are so affected by him because they have been stewing in his one lone perspective their whole lives.

Akito's type of abuse is especially effective against children because people don't develop complete perception of people existing outside of themselves until at least somewhere in their teens (this is where all of that insecurity for teenagers pops in – they grow to understand there are people surrounding them), so the only one they will likely blame is themselves.

They are selfish. They are at fault. They are the villain. They are the ones who are wrong.

Watching basically an entire lengthy scene of Akito doing this to Kyo was excellent character exploration, but also fucked up.

I like how, even when Kyo and Yuki resolve themselves to fight, you can still see how Akito's words affect them, sometimes in pretty subtle ways.

And the same goes for Tohru, too.

As said, it's very true to how abuse works. If you are surrounded by a perspective for a long time, it is likely you will eventually grow to believe it.

Equally, what loving yourself looks like and how trauma works is depicted incredibly well through Tohru.

She keeps escaping her emotional turmoil by keeping herself busy, keeping up her smile and pushing herself to go against Akito because facing it would be incredibly painful.

Similarly, caring about only others might seem noble on the surface, but can be extremely unhealthy if taken to the extreme.

So there is kind of two aspects to Tohru's growth.

If Tohru doesn't care about herself at all, she'll just end up working herself to the point of hurting herself.

If she keeps pushing the lid shut instead of digesting what is behind it, it'll eventually explode off and destroy her emotionally.

Additionally, you can see her start lying in small ways and be insecure about what she wants to do after her encounter with Akito, but also as people around her question her about what she believes in.

Her trauma grew to define her so much that at one point the question of whether she had her own beliefs at all came up.

Tohru found an answer, but the narrative immediately found a counterpoint to her answer, too: it's nice to talk about doing good, but can you actually back it up with action?

It essentially addressed the idea of what taking action within a bad system to change it might entail.

Tohru wasn't scared when interacting with the Somas at first because she didn't know their situation.

Now that she is fully in the know and has been affected by it herself, the context affects her, too.

But being in the know also paves a way for her to potentially help, too.

All of this is great stuff.

Once again, some of the more simple material makes you wait for the juicy stuff, but now that we're in the darker material, I think that simple stuff might help space out the more heavy stuff.

#Fruits Basket #Furuba

7 notes · View notes

meyeselph · 3 years

Text

Gwenpool: Desperate Misanthrope's Confused Angst

Showtime

Ms. Pool woke up in a familiar room. Not in Krakoa - there are no mutants around. This isn’t a story about that. Look, honestly, without an actual Gwenpool series and the constant breaks in her comics appearance I can’t even begin to give a fuck. I cancelled my marvel universe subbie. I might get back to my stories but single issues are iffy. I read fast and don’t pore over the artwork. So I get 10 minutes of entertainment for….FIVE DOLLARS? When did this happen? Jeezus.

Who even reads comics anymore?

Anyway, long story short, Gwen got out of bed and recognized the room as her old one from the “old times.” The dark times. The ‘not running around in pink and white outfits and shooting people’ times. She panicked (Been there. It is what it is though). The only way out of trauma is through.

She dressed in old clothes, immediately hit by old smells, she couldn’t help but cry. Was it all a dream? Have I gone insane (again)? All the usual self doubts cropped up. I mean, really, if you think this kind of thing didn’t pass through her mind regularly why don’t you transport yourself to a comic book universe?

Oh, you can’t?

Oh. It isn’t actually possible for you and I’m stupid for suggesting it. So, yeah. If it actually happened and you kept that attitude then the logical assumption for a normie is a mental breakdown. Trick for Gwen, though, is it's probably always been both real and her being nuts.

So she goes downstairs to the kitchen to figure out why this is happening and Evil Gwen is having cereal. Let's say cocoa puffs. I’ve been thinking about those recently. You ever remember cereal as something worth cherishing. Not as just bullshit that TV convinced you to want? God damn, now I want Cookie Crisp. Cookie Crisp wasn’t even ever that good. Why do I want Cookie Crisp?

So also sitting around the table were the faceless versions of her father, mother, and her brother. Just chilling. No BD. Seen Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind?

Yes, I know that references aren’t jokes - fuck you, I’m painting a picture and I CAN’T PAINT, THAT’S WHY THIS ISN’T A COMIC. Fucks sake. Anyway. So, Gwen is so creeped out that she just sits her butt down by Evil Gwen as if she’s the comforting presence here.

Her name’s too long. Let’s call Evil Gwen uh…….Gren. You know, like Grendel from Beowulf. I haven’t actually read Beowulf and this is all a little confusing but I'm solving problems here. Writing this is harder for me than you would think so it’s best to keep things flowing off the cuff. That’s the Gwenpool™ style anyway, isn’t it? Are you laughing yet? IMPROV. “YES AND” MY SHIT, READER!

“So, you ever really look into the retconned past thing, hun?” Gren said, moving her tongue around her food. Being gross as an attempt to be properly evil. She swallowed before continuing. “This is all I could really put together on short notice but i’m pretty sure what the future people created, all that stuff to try and trick you, it was all bullshit.”

“What do you mean? Are you trying to convince me to go all psycho like you again?” Gwen asked, exasperated, realizing she was now back in the whole ‘fuck with Gwen to decide her fate’ song and dance routine from the end of her first arc.

“Nah, not really.” Gren said. A hammer appeared in her hands out of nowhere and Gren swung it into their fake father’s head, snapping his neck..

“DAD!” Gwen instinctively cried as she saw her father’s body slump to the floor. Gren slapped Gwen’s face. “That’s it,” Gren said, “this is what the trick was.This is a poorly created character in a fictional story. Meant to manipulate you into attaching your concept of “father” to it. Even his finished version in the original comics run wasn’t THAT well drawn. Your dad read like a boomer’s idea of a responsible parent. You were going through a mental crisis and struggling to find purpose in life and his genius idea was get a shitty low paying job and suck it up?”

Gren turned to their brother, pushed his face to the table and smashed the back of his skull. . “Brother dearest, too. Going right along with their victim blaming. He gaslighted you as if what you were going through was just you being ‘irresponsible.’ Bitch, people working a minimum wage job aren’t somehow not impoverished and miserable because they get some of that ‘honest work’ that folks keep badgering on about. Minimum wage work is occupied by many physically and mentally disabled people held hostage; they’re people society only pretends to care about. Then they turn it all into you acting like some world ending threat. No questions about what drove you to the edge in the first place. You are just ‘unstable,’ so you’re just a problem to be solved. They say, ‘Let’s all solve this girl being upset and on edge by ruining her concept of self, reality, and memory.’ Brilliant!”

Gwen barely processed this in horror. Gren then slit the poor facsimile of their mother’s throat while continuing to rant, “You see people die all the time, Gwen. Half of the time you are doing the killing. You do it because it’s in a story. In a story the NPCs don’t matter and, after all, your original schtick in the story was to be kill-crazy. The non-marketable characters can be replaced or retconned at the stroke of the artist’s pen.” Gren leans forward as she pulls a Gwenpool mask over Gwens face. “Then the writers convince you that you have some middle class milk toast family and you take abuse and subsume your emotional needs because the problem MUST be you. You aren’t ‘normal’ so you have to be fixed.”

Gwen wiped her eyes over the mask and sighed. A bit of fire filled her gut as she stared at Gren. “So fucking what? You want me to go on a killing spree and be a big time villain to get myself a nice, shiny permanent big bad status? That’s how I stay around right? Just build my legacy on bodies?”

Gren scoffed “You already lost that fight, girly. Where do you think we are? Because this ain’t Marvel Comics.”

Confused, Gwen blinked and tried reaching for the page margins, finding nothing. Wait….why was everything on this page so ill defined and undetailed? Wait? Why was the story in kinda wobbly third person past tense?

Gwen sighed “Oh. I’m in a fanfic. I guess the publishing fight is for another day eh?”

“My advice, personally,” Gren stated, “is that you consider the lobster.”

“Wait, what the fuck?”

Gren pulled aside the kitchen curtains revealing the face of a giant lobster, its claws tapping on the glass. The lobster muttering gutterally about personal responsibility.

“Because there’s a couple thousand giant lobsters outside that would like to claw you until you read their book.”

Scared of Girls

On the rooftop, Gren shoved a high powered rifle into Gwen’s hands while she handled the close range threats. So, this conversation they’re about to have is important. Sniping puts Gwen into a sort of zen space, so that’s a better task to keep her focused, after all.

“So, what? You wanted me to internalize that my “origin story” is bullshit? Okay, what does that accomplish, then?” Gwen asked in a bit of a deadpan. She was so tired today. Not really feeling her happy go lucky energy. More like a “happy go fucky” energy. It was hard to always be on a knife's edge. Still the rifle’s kick into her shoulder was satisfying as she blew through two of the creepy looking lobsters at once. “Also, why the lobsters?”

Gren considered this. “Okay, last question first, I had to experiment a lot and do a lot of research to construct this place for your learning and healing in fanfic form....These buddies are a failed experiment of mine that I repurposed because the fic needed more action. Isn’t that right, giant enemy crap?” As she peppers the nearest goon with a hail of shotgun pellets the entire throng of them burst out, sharply muttering about divine symbols.

“As for what I'm trying to teach you, it’s that you aren’t reaching your potential.” Gren grumpily huffed.

“Duh,” Gwen reloads, “I mean you just killed a mannequin version of the voice in my head that says that to me every day.” one of those crustaceans talks about feminine symbolism while she decides on her next target.

“Not like fake daddy’s ‘Be a responsible member of society by paying your taxes’ type of potential. I mean your creative and emotional potential.” Gren flipped off the slavering throng of monsters, noticing they were starting to keep their distance from the roof.

“I never did finish that fanfic idea I had.” Gwen mused.

“God, don’t mention that,” Gren thrusts a finger at Gwenpool. “Not that I don’t respect fanfic, but when comic book writers make you and Kamala squee about fanfiction to try and relate to “the kids” it comes across as so condescending.”

“Really? I mean…..I'm sure it’s meant as support for the concept?”

“Most fucking superhero comics are just legalized fanfiction! The people who created the characters are either long gone or working on someone else’s characters! They just think they are so much better because they got fucking paid. They can’t imagine themselves as on the same playing field as fanficcers even though most of them have the same level of connection to the roots of the work as anyone else.” Gren groused loudly as she seemed to pull Reed Richards out of nowhere.

Confused, Reed looked around until his eyes met Gwen’s.“Oh great, you again.” Reed groaned as he turned to survey the piles of lobster gibs while Gwen cheered the lobster forces’ retreat with a resounding “EDF, EDF!”. The scattered creatures skittered amongst the bland scenery. It looked like a suburban neighborhood but someone forgot to color in the sky….or write that the sky had color. A castle hung out in the distance breaking up the generic normalcy and lay cloaked in shadow despite being surrounded by an endless white void.

“And…..black….you?” Reed pointed to Gren, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I have an evil future self….well I stopped that future so it’s an….evil...alternate timeline self?” Gwen said with a nervous chuckle, abandoning the kill quest for the minute and rested her rifle on the roof.

“Ah. Yeah I’ve been down that road. It’s a rather common occurrence. Multiverse being what it is.” Reed laughed heartily while putting his hands on his hips.

“I’m not sure I’m evil, honestly,” Gren interjected. “I think I’m just really fucking grumpy and I’m slightly more gung-ho on the homicide. Considering Gwen’s already one of the more kill crazy characters on the roster it’s not that much of a distinction.” Gren flipped her cape. “My main distinction is I don’t like that meme from The Incredibles! You can just make it so the cape detaches automatically when it’s pulled hard enough!”

“You could still have it tangled up around your face.” Reed pointed out in his standard know-it-all fashion.

“Don’t make me go into fuck wife mode, stretch.” Gren spat. “Okay, anyway, so I brought him here to illustrate a point. Reed. Explain particle physics to me as a laymen.”

“Huh...i’m not sure why but okay. Particle physics (also known as high energy physics) is a branch of physics that studies the nature of the particles that constitute matter and radiation. Although the word particle can refer to various types of very small objects (e.g. protons, gas particles, or even household dust), particle physics usually investigates the irreducibly smallest detectable particles and the fundamental interactions necessary to explain their behaviour. In current understanding, these elementary particles are excitations of the quantum fields that also govern their interactions. The currently dominant theory explaining these fundamental particles and fields, along with their dynamics, is called the Standard Model. Thus, modern particle physics generally investigates the Standard Model and its various possible extensions, e.g. to the newest "known" particle, the Higgs boson, or even to the oldest known force field, gravity.” Reed rattled this off rather mechanically.

Gren then took out her phone and showed Gwen the Wikipedia article on “Particle Physics,” which is naturally the same words that Reed had regurgitated above, just without any formatting and, again, on a phone.

“Reed can’t be a genius in any subject unless he’s written by a genius in that subject. That’s how stories work. Everyone is limited by the understanding and capabilities of the writer. Same with your origin story and all the people you’ve interacted with. If you are as ‘meta’ as you think you are then you have to realize that you aren’t actually talking to people. You are talking to the writer. Dr. Strange didn’t rewrite your existence to be a part of the Marvel Universe. As far as most of Marvel continuity goes Dr. Strange was never there and doesn’t know or care about his MCU casting…..Hey Reed, buzz off please before the conversation pivots to why you haven’t cured all known diseases.”

Reed looked a little surprised but then pulled out a teleportation device (of course he has one) and blipped away with a shrug.

“How awkward is that going to be when he enters the MCU after Kamala is already introduced with a very similar power set?” Gwen chuckled.

“Keep up the way you’ve been going and you’ll never see it. I’m not exactly expecting a young blonde girl casting call for Deadpool 3 and that’s your best bet.” Gren snarked. Gwen winced with a sigh.

“I don’t get what I'm doing wrong. I have a fanbase comparable to some of the characters that have already shown up but I can’t even get comics written about me most of the time. An MCU push seems unlikely. They would literally have to deal with completely recontextualizing my powers and gimmick”

“Let’s ask her what you should do.” Gren motioned her way to the suddenly appearing long hair future Gwen, looming over them like The Attack of the 50 foot Woman for some reason. Dwarfing the roof they are on. Let’s call her BIGwen!

Gold Guns Girls

As BIGwen acclimated to her surroundings she stubbed her toe on a car, dramatically flipping it so that it took out a few more lobsters before caving in a nearby house. The lamentations about clean rooms soaring as the remaining couple dozen of them attempt to clean up some of the bodies of their fallen kin. The large and sort-of-in-charge Gwen hissed in pain and adjusted her boot. Getting her balance as best as possible she muttered curses that traveled rather well considering the lung capacity of a giant.

“You know,” Gren started, “I wasn’t expecting much from our previous uses of the ‘make her big for emphasis’ trick, but it really does only work as a vague ghostly background element. I didn’t just want it to be ‘oh, here's a third Gwen for the conversation, though. Would lack umph.”

“ Yeah, I get it, but staring at my own giant taint is unsettling.” Gwen muttered.

“I’d still, hit it.” Gren grinned, then immediately got punched in the arm. “OWWW! Look, I’m the evil one here and we’re in a fanfic. I’m allowed to make internet fetish jokes.”

“And I’m allowed to hit you for it.”.

“Dirty lampshading goody two shoes. Don’t act like half your fanbase isn’t thirsty. It’s “insert current year argument”, all art is sexy to someone.” Gren complained back,rubbing her arm before hopping off the roof. Gwen followed while listening as patiently as she could considering how many changes in topic her evil-caped self is going through to get to her point. “This chick is the reason you’ve been on the path of good girl. Some vague idea that in the future everything will work out for the best. HEY, DOWN HERE, BIG SHOW!” Gren waved at BIGwen and she looked down curiously.

“Yeah what??” BIGwen responded in a booming and agitated tone. Honestly, being in this fic made every version of Gwen a little grumpy.

“How’s she supposed to be a popular hero that makes it into the MCU and has a stable publication history?” Gren asked.

“Fuck if I know.” Came BIGwen’s response. “Have you tried growing your hair out?”

“Rub it in,” Gwen muttered under her breath, “I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of depressed now.” Gwen said as she sat on an abandoned car.

Gren hopped on the roof of the car, patting Gwen’s shoulder before squatting with enough force to flex the car’s shocks like a rocking chair just to amuse herself. “Future “good” Gwen wasn’t an actual plot point, it was a call to action to the fans to make fanfic like this and support the character outside of the actual Canon. Chris didn’t trust that Marvel would treat the character right. That, and your obsession with getting a new book, are both the writer’s attempt to turn a marketing tactic into fan engagement. If you want to be real then that makes the fans want you to be real even more, too.”

Gwen sighs heavily and leans her chin on one hand. “I mean...the time traveling through the life of an NPC fan complete with a Never Ending Story reference was a bit sappy even by the standard we sometimes set...damn it it really was just kind of a fan manipulation trick wasn’t it?”

BIGwen Sat down on the street next to them and crossed her legs. “Hey, little me. Don’t get too down. I mean it worked for the most part. You have a healthy cult following. Characters have survived on less and there are worse things to be known for then as a fan first character”

“But I have to fight for attention all the damn time, though. It’s so easy for Wade with his fucking meme bullshit. He even gets runoff enthusiasm from me. Jeff the land shark is all over Oldpool online” Gwen felt rather heavy and tired all of a sudden. Marvel editorial forcing a gun to your head is not a fun way to be.

“All that fight is hell on the fanbase too.” Gren sighed. “Advocating for shit, getting crumbs and being expected to accept it while Disney lavishes all the attention based on some bullshit numbers game. Even if you make it into the MCU will it be a Batroc style cameo with obligatory ‘killed off in case we don’t feel like paying the actor again later.’ Will it be an emotionally rounded character or an ambush bug style joke? The thing is. You're Not the one fighting and you never were.”

“The fuck do you mean?”

“This version of her doesn’t know?” BIGwen whimpered.

“You aren’t real, Gwen.”

Head Like a Haunted House

“No….we aren’t having this conversation. Fuck you fuck you i’m not a fucking Nihlist and i’m not going to do this right now.” Gwen said as she scrambled off of the car and pulled out some guns. BIGwen then picked her up off the ground.

“You need to hear this, Gwen,” BIGwen boomed. “The gimmick has run its course. It’s fucking with your canon. You’re never going to be a marketable character keeping up a half fourth-wall Kayfabe”

Gren climbed onto BIGwen’s Shoulders and perched over Gwen all menacing like. “You need to listen. I’ve been trying to ease you into this. Making things more meta slowly until you were ready but it was never going to be easy.”

One of Gwen’s guns was fired from it’s holster and pierced one of BIGwen’s fingers. BIGwen screamed and her grip loosened. Soon Gwen was on the move running up her arm and firing at Gren, who dodged like the nimble and cute badass she is. “Don’t do this Gwen. Just because it doesn’t matter to the comic version of you doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m a real person god damn it! I read the comics out there! I came in! That’s why I know shit I shouldn't know. That’s what I am! THAT’S ALL I AM!” Gwen shrieked as she pulled out a sword from hammer-space and decapitated BIGwen. Suddenly a mess of colored streamers and a pile of Mickey Mouse merch tumbled out. Look, I am busy right now. Gwen is still slashing at my ass. I'm not going to explain it.

For some reason now the remaining lobsters were helping Gren. For Gwen’s own good you understand. This is proof that I’m right for some reason.

Gwen pulled out a revolver, firing pumpkin sized holes in lobsters who were still wailing about self actualization. She fully planned on shoving a sword up her evil self’s ass and getting rid of this doppelganger shit for good. Which is total bullshit by the way. She totally just cut off Gren’s leg because what the fuck you mean I’m not real? I’m going to be real all over your corpse.

Gren didn’t really think that was even a good comeback and also thought you should probably say it instead of meta willing the smack talk into existence, otherwise this fanfic is going to read like trash. Also, Gren’s leg wasn’t actually cut off. In a puff of smoke it is revealed that the cut off leg is a log and her leg is fine. Gren is a ninja now, believe it.

Gwen proceeded to do a sick ass CQC judo throw on Gren and then grab her cape and wrap it around her face like Reed suggested. Callbacks for the win! Callbacks to Checkov’s gun ideas always lead to victory in fights! She then totally shot at her and such.

But the bullet was caught by the cape because the cape was a symbiote! That’s right Gren is also GRENOM!...boy that sounds stupid. Anywho, the cape was no longer around her face and the fight continued and Gren now ALSO had extra powers and special wizard-symbiote armor (that would only show up in the MCU version if Marvel finally got the Sony characters back). The meta powers work like shit in text but this would be really good in CGI or animation if Marvel wanted to adapt this fic and give the writer lots of money. Gren still has more experience with them, though, and Gwen can’t really just kill her way out of this fic so she has to just let the story play out.

…...eh?....oh Gwen’s crying. I love/am you girl but we gotta work on the crying. Fucks sake this is harder than I thought. I’m depressed now too. Well I'll try to get the writing back on track so you guys can see what is going on. Even the lobsters are minding their manners now. Chill vibes, guys.

“The marvel character page for Gwenpool says, and I quote:

Gwenpool arrived in the Marvel Universe from the “real world,” but has wasted no time in making the most of her time in her fictional universe. Using her knowledge of comics to her advantage, Gwenpool causes and solves problems for her fellow heroes.”

Gren drags a lobster corpse slowly toward Gwen and sits on its tail as she talks to her. Taking her time to really scrape the lobster against the ground, smearing the gore on the pavement. Not that it was heavy for her or anything. Totally still has that symbiote, which would make moving it easy. Totally wasn’t a detail added in the second revision of the fic slightly before the lobsters were added.

“The words “Real world” are in quotation marks in that wiki. Real people don’t make it into comics because fiction isn’t real. Half of your versions barely make use of the ‘real person’ gimmick because it’s too meta by half and not every writer wants to waste time justifying it. So they just treat it like Deadpool’s medium awareness. Which it mostly is.”

“I really am just a fucking rip off distaff character.” Gwen moans. “Just a Gwen combined with a Pool. I’m worse than the Batman who laughs. I never mattered because I was never real”

“Fuck don’t say that. You were made with love and care by a team of creators who took a weird offshoot idea and built out a compelling metafiction idea and a likeable protagonist off of it. They just didn’t have the time and foresight to go far enough.” Gren sighed.

“Far enough?” Gwen sniffed as she was pulled up to her feet and dragged toward one of the big castles. As they walked Gren kicked along a Mickey Mouse doll that had rolled out of BIGwen’s severed head. Every time it bounced it cheerfully said ‘hahah. I love you!’

“Too much haha, not enough trauma. You’re not just a joke character.” Gren said as she kicked the Mickey doll into the big front door of the castle. The shadowy thing of course lighting up and being all fantasy and shit as the door opened.

“Well I did end both of my comic runs pretty mopey.”

“Damn right you did. When the jokes run thin they run to your real bread and butter. You’re an empathy machine.” As Gren shoves Gwen through the gate they are swallowed up in the castle, going dark again. “Let’s getcha sad clown on.”

Never there

“See, what evil me should have been telling you about in the original run is how to find meaning and purpose when technically nothing means anything. Comic book characters live in a world without real death and suffering. It’s all a puppet show version of real pain and real emotion meant to bring that out of an audience.” Gren opined as they walked through a black void to a couch floating in a nothing area lit only by the static of an old TV.

“Can we turn on a light?” Gwen asked as she sat on the couch. Gren sat on another recliner that suddenly appeared and put her feet up.

“Fuck off. Ambiance is a thing. We aren’t having a ‘lights on with something fun on the TV’ conversation. So look, I am not really ‘evil gwen.’ I’m half an author insert and half a plot device. If we are talking about the reality of the story you are basically talking to yourself. I am speaking about the things you don’t want to admit to yourself. You know, you’ve seen this kind of story sorta... right?” Gren picked up the remote and frustratedly changed channels between a bunch of vaguely illustrative footage on the TV, not finding anything that worked. A lot of black and white footage of trains for some reason. Just what comes to mind when I think of documentary footage? Weird.

“I am not sure how to illustrate this shit visually and this is a text story anyway so I would have to explain the illustration,” Gren griped.

“I basically get it. It’s not that uncommon a trope.” Gwen nodded.

“Because of the level of meta we are on right now we have to really acknowledge that you are basically an author insert, too. I mean, to a certain extent every version of you is more the writer that is working with your character at the time than a set character.” Gren said as she settled on a visual of Gwen being pushed out the window by her own narration text in the original comic run. When all else fails, resort to footage from the last story. That way people can look it up online!

“Right here is where the character crystallized in the mind of the author of the current fic we are in. A vague suicide metaphor wrapped up in the flavor of self destructive escapism. Your parents in the story thought it was a suicide attempt on at least some level. This is serious business. Not just a girl who doesn’t like work and can’t finish her fanfic. In this comic you are built on this understanding. The writer of this fic has ADHD and autism. So his version of you more or less has it, too. Writers bring themselves with them into their work.”

Gwen nods and takes a deep breath. “I….I can feel it. Like the world is closing around you. You aren’t built for anything that anyone wants from you. The one thing you really believe in, the one thing that really defines you, the stories in your head…..it’s just not enough.

You can’t trust you’ll ever make it with writing because you can barely write. You barely have the energy to do anything but wish that you weren’t you. What if someone actually listened? Actually believed in you and whisked you away somewhere else where the world would fit your needs? What if you were someplace you could be someone else, someone strong and confident?”

“Yeah. Like a funny anti hero in a comic for instance.” Gren nodded. “But the original comics sort of left the theme on the table. They were captured by the misconception of Gwen as the problem and not a person who needed help. All that desperation that real fans of the character might feel just bundled up into love for this character that really ‘gets’ them but Marvel doesn’t ‘get’ the character. They won't use her. They won’t go past vaguely gesturing at her mental issues and moving on. They saved the angst for Wandavision.” Gren scoffs.

“I mean the show was okay but they literally have a character built entirely on the theme of escapism and trauma. One that’s custom built for mind-screw visuals and reality bending plots and they think she’s just a lazy fangirl who really likes guns that they can sit beside Deadpool sometimes and stick in the X-Men’s bloated background character roster when they don’t need her.”

Gren leads Gwen off the couch and deeper into the void where a door to a bedroom waits. A room like her own, absolutely slopping over with old toys of comic book characters. An unclean messy space in a run-down house that smells faintly of cigarette smoke. Huddled in bed, reading an 80s era X-men comic with a flashlight, is a 12 year old Gwen.

“This is never going to be canon but this is the version of Gwen in this fic. She can’t stop crying at school. Things that shouldn’t be hard are so hard and she can’t explain why. Everyone says she’s making excuses. Meanwhile her mother is fucked out of her mind on pain killers and her step father killed himself last year ‘cleaning his gun’ while drunk. You know exactly what is on her mind right now?” Gren says as she gestures at the girl.

“I wish the superheroes would save me from this.”

“They won’t. They can’t. They were never meant to.” Gren Slams the door loudly on the scene.

“That is the emotional core of Gwenpool in this fic. The desperation that so many of the fans down here in the fucking muck of the real world feel. Poor and emotionally unfulfilled. Confused and vulnerable. If Disney and Marvel gave two fucking shits about people like that they wouldn’t waste as many stories as they do. They wouldn’t just use untold wealth to make expensive escapist stories with the military. Their gestures toward progressive ideas that they occasionally make in their stories would be THE ENTIRE POINT of their stories and the actual thing they used that money for instead of lobbying the government to keep Mickey Mouse out of the public domain.

“Disney has the power yet they save a fucking miniscule fraction of who they could. Saving people doesn’t make money.”

When I Get To The Green Building

Gren stormed through the void. The scene disintegrated around her as Gwen followed. Both now in a bit of a sour mood but with newfound determination.

“Come to think of it. Why is the fucking Hulk getting to fight for social justice in the comics? Why are they making a gay alternate universe Captain America? Why are they grasping at straws so hard to find characters that get to advocate and I am just sitting on a fucking island being grumpy?” Gwen groused. “I’m pretty sure I’m pansexual….at least in this fic. I could advocate for a bunch of shit at once.”

“You have a youth fanbase, a unique story and you technically aren’t an alternate universe version of fucking anything no matter how many people still think you are a Stacey. They made a fucking ‘for the fans’ character and then neglected it. Presumably because some fucking money making metric didn’t pan out despite the comics just being an MCU test kitchen and IP farm anyway.”

“You’re a fucking check mark on a ledger. I don’t even know if anyone technically created Gwenpool as a whole and Disney/Marvel can give the character to whoever they want to do whatever they want completely separate from what the fanbase wants and needs because she isn’t established. The IP landlords have spoken. The fans haven’t risen to enough ‘buy my merch’ calls to action to invest more resources. So tease endlessly until that changes.”

“Gah. Now I'm actually as pissed as you are.” Gwen said as she started fiddling with her guns. “Who do I kill?”

“We can’t do shit. You’re not even a character at this point. You are a meme for an underused character.” Gren smirked all evil like. “See but that’s it. You aren’t just a meme. You’re a MEME.”

“Uhm...I don't follow.”

“Like the concept of Justice. Gwenpool is an idea. Defined entirely by how people who engage with the idea choose to engage with it. The IP law means Disney owns Gwenpool but they don’t own how Gwenpool is perceived. Just like we as a people decide what justice is through popular consent we also decide what Gwenpool is. You see they made a character for the fans…..in my opinion that means the fans can do as they like with it even if it makes Disney uncomfortable.”

“I mean they can’t even stop porn of their characters just because of the sheer volume of the problem. I suppose people could do whatever.” Gwen nodded.

“Exactly. So the fans should just fucking Occupy Gwenpool!” Gren said as she flipped her cape dramatically with a mad smile on her face. That’s right. She was Dirtbag Leftist Gwen all along!

“Squat on that IP. Make Gwenpool a mental health advocate. Make her an LGBTQ activist. Make her fight for social and financial justice so hard that Bruce Banner looks like a poser. Make her talk shit about politicians who put their career ahead of the people. Do all the shit that makes the comicsgate crowd sad. Keep politics in our stories! Rally around that pink and white ass so hard they have to notice and then tie it all to the fact that Disney has great power and with great power they take no responsibility for how shitty the world is.”

“ If they are going to fuck Gwenpool fans they gotta learn Gwenpool fans fuck back. We have already proven we can make all kinds of cool shit. Let’s get serious and make more, harder, faster! Get a hashtag or some shit. They can't DMCA all of us! GWEN IS OURS WE JUST HAVE TO REACH OUT AND TAKE IT. Then they either respect the character and her fans or they just hit a PR disaster.”

“Marvel/Disney neglects fan focused cult character themed protest movements. Proves they are only progressive when it makes them money. They’re so worried about Mickey ending up in the public domain? We’re the public domain! After our entire lives stannin their characters and buyin their merch building them from an animation house into a juggernaut they are just another weight on top of the boot on our necks. They have to take responsibility!” At this point Gren is pretty much ranting maniacally and neglecting the actual writing of the story so this is Gwen taking over to wrap up.

Guys I may not be ‘the real Gwen’ but really, isn’t the version of Gwen that actually came from the real world all of us? Isn’t Gwenpool really the Gwens we made along the way? We could easily bring a little heroism and chaos to the real world (at least to the internet) if we really tried. Put the fear of God into some IP landlords and fight for some cool people that society is screwing over, too.

Prove that even in the fandom abyss people aren’t as powerless as they seem. Use that internet comic fan mobbing for something besides giving Zack more money. Disney is gearing up for their next IP fight for Mickey in 2024. Seems like a fine time for IP themed protests. For now we just need to spread the word that our needs are more important than their profits.

It’s been real. It’s been long. It’s been a real long time coming…..

But I finally finished my fanfic.

See ya, true believers.

#gwenpool #fanfic #deconstruction #outofloveiswear #fortheoriginalwritersnotmarvelordisney #tw mental health #tw mentions of suicide #tw mentions of drug abuse #tw violence #tw gun violence

35 notes · View notes

moonlightflower21 · 4 years

Text

Sometimes people aren't meant to be in relationships...

"We need to talk..." The deep voice of your mutant turtle boyfriend filled the room and you turned towards the window, a neutral expression on your face. As bad as it was, he was the last person you wanted to end the night with. Lately everything had been different. Your interaction with him depended on the entirety of his mood. He deemed he was too busy for you but you had drop everything just to be there for him? This wasn't how relationships worked. Granted, this was his first hur even after trying to talk to him, he was the equivalent of a brick wall. Just go through one ear and out the other.

"What?" You answered, sitting down on your bed. A fluffy blanket draped your legs, tiredness crawling in your veins. Hopefully he would go soon, for you really couldn't be asked for his bullshit.

"You haven't called in days, what's going on??" He asked, leaning against the wall with an accusing brow. Yours were now raised, wondering if he was actually being serious. Oh, so now he cared??

"What does it look like?? I'm in bed. And I didn't call because I simply didn't want to. I am not obliged to talk to you everyday especially if you cannot be bothered to put in the effort either" Your fingers gripped the blanket tightly, hoping he was able to pick up on the signs and leave. But he didn't, of course he wouldn't.

"It's like I don't know who you are anymore. You suddenly seem to busy to do anything with me. And when I ask, you leave promptly. How can I put in effort when you can't even be around me anymore!" He snapped, you could practically see the steam coming from his ears. But anger bubbled in your stomach and you stood, ripping the blanket off and throwing it away from you. Any and all signs of tiredness and exhaustion flew out of your body and rage filled the spot instead.

"Who the fuck do you think you are??? Walzing into my bedroom, accusing me of absurd things! Why should I even make the effort?? Everything is always about you! All our talks, all our interactions. When was the last time you've asked me if I was okay?? I'm just a thing you like having on your elbow, something to show off to your brothers but you know what?? I can't do it! I don't give a fucking damn if you're upset because you've made me feel like shit for months! But have I ever made you feel bad about it??" You yelled, watching his figure stiffen and clench at the tone of your voice. You've never raised your voice at him like this before.

But he wasn't a child, he was a full grown adult that had to understand that life isn't easy. Everyone has problems and issues and he isn't the one in the entire world that has it hard.

"And while we're at it, your number one excuse is always your ninjitsu responsibilities and I understand. Believe me, if I didn't I would've left months ago. But suddenly it's my fault these people don't appreciate the work you do for them! Am I supposed to go to every resident in the city and praise you??"

"That's quite enough, Y/N!-" He started but you stopped him there. He wanted to open the bottle of faults and blame, you sure as hell were going to make him understand it was a two way situation.

"Be quiet. I'm not done" You seethed, fists clenched so tightly you were sure your fingernails had penetrated the first layer of your skin. But you couldn't bring yourself to care, your entire body felt hot. Anger, disappointment, bitterness, pain, everything swirled in your head and poured out of your mouth.

"You don't know HALF the shit I'm going through. You obviously don't care so please, tell me what the fuck is this relationship?? For you to dump all your problems on me?? As a partner, I will listen and console you when needed. But I draw the line now, I am not your therapist. You don't bother listening to me, so now it's the same. I don't care what happens to you, Leonardo" Hands raised in surrender, you step back maintaining the eye contact. You heard a soft gasp coming from him as you spilled your true feelings but you couldn't care less. Actually it felt refreshing to say everything that was weighing you down, able to finally fucking breathe.

"What are you saying?" He whispered, voice hoarse. Pins felt like they flooded his throat, following all the way down to his chest. Puncturing his heart. As if everything was on a standstill, the words fell from your lips slowly. And yet, he couldn't do anything to stop them.

"Isn't it obvious? I can't do this anymore. Mentally and physically. I can't be the person you want me to be. And clearly you're not happy with who I am-"

"I am! God, Y/N, I love you for who you are-"

"No you don't. Like I said, you fell in love with the idea of having a partner. But you don't love me for who I am. You want me to be someone who benefits you and you only. I just.... I can't do it" You laughed, however he knew there was anything but humour in your tone.

It hurt you to say the next words but you know he has to hear them, in order for you both to move on. You wouldn't have ever thought you could say it to his face but boy, life sure works in crazy ways.

"Leonardo, I just.... I don't love you" You utter calmly, glancing at those stormy irises. You know he won't break down in front of you but you can sense his sadness from here. It made you feel weird, you weren't ever the cause for his grief.

Leo didn't think he heard you correctly, expecting you to break out in a smile and yell it's all a joke. But your face spoke otherwise. Hands folded, stance rigid, he knew you meant business.

"So this how it's going to end? When... when did this happen?" He sniffs, both eye brows raised trying his ultimate best to not cry in front of you. You knew what he was referring to but was it ever acceptable to tell a partner when you fell out of love with him? It would be too much for him to handle.

"I don't know-" "Tell me" He commands, his stature matching yours and you shrug your shoulders. Fine, you had warned him. See if he can handle the cold truth.

"Around two weeks ago. I realised that this relationship... well, I've already told you" You eye his features. Though he seems unfazed, his eyes tell a different story.

"Okay..." He brushed a hot tear away, knowing it was only going to be the first of many to arrive. His heart pained immensely, as though someone had a tight grip around it. Slowly but surely breaking piece by piece.

"I'm sorry... for everything I've put you through. I'm sorry I couldn't be the person you needed. And I'm so sorry for ever treating you like you didn't matter" He turned to look at you, his sapphire eyes shining with the unshed tears. It just twisted the knife that was in your heart. The tears shouldn't be there, he shouldn't have to feel like this. Your arms pitched with the urge to hold him, pretend that it was all going to be okay. Because even if he put you through hell, you still loved him. And that was what you hated the most. Even after everything, why did your heart still beat for him?

"Just close the window when you leave" You turn away, picking up the tossed blanket on the floor. He nods, taking a deep breath. Feeling another hot tear leave his eyes unwillingly, he obliged. He didn't know what he had expected anyway. You to wipe his tear and kiss away his pain? In another world perhaps, but here? Only a turmoil of pain and he was right in the centre. Quietly, the window gently closed as he vanished in the night.

You had taken a deep breath but your lungs felt empty. Heart heavy, body numb, the pain you tried to keep in all night dripped down your cheeks. Continuous hot tears rolled down and you hadn't the energy to wipe them away. And funnily enough, through this you could feel your heart slowly being relieved. Slowly being let out of the shackles it once was pinned in.

Leo didn't know where he was going, anywhere but his home. Jumping from rooftop to rooftop, the tears blurred his vision. Stinging his eyes, burning his cheeks but they were unstoppable. Hearing a loud roll of thunder in the distance, he knew he should have gone home. But he wasn't able to face his family. What a horrible day.

One minute he was on the ledge and the next he felt himself toppling off the edge. Through his heartbreak, he must've miscalculated a step and toppled down the long building. His body banged into the walls, scratched roughly by the bricks until he was thrown into the ground with a loud bang. He was so lucky it wasn't packed and crowded.

Surrounding by the bin bags, drenched with rain, he couldn't hold it in anymore. A shaky cry overcame his body, heavy sobs racking his entire body. He felt like he couldn't breathe, hands trembling trying to console himself. The cries felt like they came from his very soul, gasping for air that never reached his chest. Everything hurt around him. And as if the sky was in agreement, the drizzle of rain became heavy; drenching his very core.

His calf burned, excruciating pain shot up his leg if he added the slightest bit of pressure. Skin was torn from his shoulders and his head felt like it had been punched several times relentlessly.

The rain washed his body, stinging his wounds and carrying the blood away. He heard his phone go off but he hadn't the courage to answer it just yet. He needed help but he couldn't bear to look at anyone. He was where he belonged, with the trash and the dirt. He deserved the hate from other people. He deserved your anger. If only he was able to truly see how you were, maybe this could have been prevented.

Some people didn't deserve love, maybe he was one of them.

No, he was one of those people.

#tmnt x reader #tmnt x reader fanfic #tmnt leonardo #tmnt 2016 x reader #tmnt 2014/16 #tmnt leo #tmnt leonardo x reader #tmnt leonardo x reader angst #tmnt x reader sad angst #tmnt x reader angst #tmnt x reader sad

208 notes · View notes