#but bro do you know how PSYCHED I would be to get a new body and new name and just start from scratch

[the-old-man-has-the-phonebox]

People are like “bro I love TADC but it would suck to actually be in it. I’d hate forgetting my past and my name and everything”

Me, with a shitty enough life that I wouldn’t be opposed to losing my memories and life in the real world so I can reinvent my entire being in a fun circus world:

[graceofagodswrath]

Omg your Humans are space orcs/deathworlders + Transformers is just *d e l i c i o u s*. My complaints are pretty much the same, it seems that most humans on the franchise are just manufactured to be hated or simply annoying for being so useless. I want transformers to realize just how hard we have to work to simply stay alive *in our own planet*, with the sheer amount of diseases and poisonous animals and predators and weather and so much more, I want them to wonder how such seemingly fragile beings became the dominant species, how can we be so resilient yet so delicate... I'd like a transformer that particularly hates/is disgusted by humans to swap places with us for like a day or so, the first one that comes to mind is Starscream, I want him to get a glimpse at the daily fight for survival here on Earth and can't help but develop a tiny speck of respect for humans, not that he would ever admit it, even to himself, that he's secretly more mindful of where he steps when there are humans around ever since.

I literally just gave a rundown about this to a friend in a drunken rant the other night, so I am so ready for this.

Starscream wouldn’t be my first pick, based solely on the fact that I haven’t psycho-analyzed him the same way I have others, but imma do my best ~

For situation-sake so my writer brain doesn’t kill itself over context, imma do this in the form of Headcannons. Let’s say Starscream gets stuck in a human body and has to exist as such until he magically gets put back. Until then, he’s stuck with a human who is aware of what he is (vague gn oc/reader, up to whoever. Writing from the viewpoint of “one of us”).

(Also y’all can input any Starscream here cause imma write him in his basic form: whiney, stuck-up, clever little cunt).

- Bro is flabbergasted. Disgusted. Horrified. Out-of-his-mind losing it. Keeps praying to primus it’s a drug-induced hallucination or a dream.

- Wakes up on the soft cushions of a… couch? The word pops up in his head. He knew the basics from his overviews when their war traveled to earth. He brought his servos- No. Hands, up to his face, inspected his new honey, fleshy digits. The detail was too vivid to be a hallucination. Colors were both muted and bright. Starscream found himself automatically trying to adjust his optic intake. But nothing happened. Of course. Because fleshy organics can’t manually adjust their own sensory inputs.

- He curls his lips, and is instantly hit with the feeling of muscle contorting. Skin and flesh was an entirely different sensation from mesh and plating. It made his plating- damnit no, skin crawl. Another sensation trailed up the center of his back, spine and shiver popping up in his mind.

- Even the way his psyche worked was different. Like a new plane of existence. Thoughts were unorganized, uncalculated. Like something that squirmed out of his grasp as he tried to keep hold. Everything felt simplified, yet the awareness and sensations were overwhelming. His entire presence felt… hypocritical.

- Sounds distracted him from his insightful, yet horrific reverie. His gaze drifted to another area of the room, half-built walls sectioning it off, but with flat slabs atop. Counters. A face pops from behind the half-wall. Human eyes catch his, and the creature pulls its lips back to bare its teeth. To smile. Even though humans and cybertronians had similar facial anatomy, the little creatures were so ugly that it was hard to recognize similar expressions.

- “You good bud?” The thing asks. Starscream felt his new face twist into his casual sneer, one laced with aggravation and disgust.

- “Good? Is such a thing possible when you’re a skin bag of flesh and bones?” The humans only response was to broaden their grin.

-“Glad you haven’t lost the attitude. Means you’ll make it out alive.” The nonchalance threw the ex-cybertronian for a loop.

- “You… know me?” That grin turned into a smirk that made the non-energon in his lines boil.

- “You’re Starscream, second-in-command to Megatron, lord of the deceptions, yada yada yada… yeah I know who you are.” They leaned back against the wall, eyes boring into the deception. Starscream found himself wondering if human eyes were always so disturbingly piercing.

- “Wonderful.” He shoved the unsettled feeling to the back of his head, determined to figure out a solution and still be in control. “Then you can explain how and why I am in this disgusting organic form.”

- The smirk disappeared into an odd expression Starscream had never seen before. The human flattened their lips and pursed their… cheeks. It looked entirely stupid. But something in the back of his head whispered apologetic.

- “I’m not sure on the exact details, but I can tell you it won’t last long. I’m basically your caretaker until it wears off.”

- Instinctually, Starscream’s brows raised. “That’s it? Is this some new human weapon, cruel imprisonment within one your fleshy bodies?”

- The human tilted their head back and laughed, once again taking Starscream off guard. Their casual presence was so different from the fight-or-die everyday lifestyle that gripped his species.

- “Nope. Just a random accident that you’re the unfortunate victim of.” At the con’s bewildered stare, the human pushed their mouth outwards, changing the pitch of their voice as they said, “aww, poor baby. Don’t worry, you’re safe with me.” Then they whirled around and walked into the other room.

- Man is flabbergasted. Is out of his element and cannot function. Cue him trying to stand and do normal things, and bust his ass because the different sensations hitting him all at once. Organic nervous systems feel very different from techno ones.

- First thing he starts doing is eating and drinking. It takes a couple hours, but his “babysitter” eventually gets him to try something. Water first, of course (he refused any organic foods). The con is disgusted, but moderately pleased that the tasteless liquid isn’t slimy or thicker like he expected. It’s actually rather soothing to his human body.

- The first food he willingly tries is melon. Honeydew to be precise. Refused to touch meat, as the idea of eating actual organic flesh was unfathomable. He was pleasantly surprised to find the flavor of the fruit likable. Humans don’t taste things the same way cybertronians do. Whereas energon has a more electrical charge to it (to put it in human words), Earth flavors were smoother. Discovers he has a huge sweet tooth (as his “babysitter” put it).

- His human guardian took this opportunity to drag him out of their home and go shopping for more consumables. Let him pick things he found somewhat pleasing, but chose most others. Lots of fruit to try and other non-meats. Went in to try the other types of fruit. Has a preference for honeydew, strawberries, cantaloupe, watermelon, and grapes. Really likes (loves but won’t admit) pineapple and raspberries. The sour/sweetness is similar to energon. Citruses like oranges and mandarin are also similar, but he prefers more sweetness than straight sour. Kiwi is also a treat.

- (I headcannon that energon is similar to sour patch kids and skittles, super sweet and sour with an electric tang and texture. So all transformers would be immediate sweet lovers as humans because of the similarity).

- Hates anything dull or flavorless. Don’t try to feed this man spinach, he’ll call you grass-eating fleshbag.

- Drinks water only because he has too (stupid human body), but once he discovers those liquid flavors he can put in, it’s all he uses. Tried juices when he found out they were liquids derived from the fruit he likes. Got excited when it tasted almost like energon and tried to only consume juice from then on. His guardian explained that humans couldn’t only exist on juice, but of course he tried to argue that all he needed was nutrients in liquid. He then discovered smoothies. Nearly did the same thing until he actually tried them. Hated the thickness and gritty texture.

- A couple days go by and his guardian decides it’s time to get him tf out properly. Man is lounging around all the time. If he’s not on the couch making fun of human entertainment and politics, he’s following his guardian meatbag around and demanding answers for his current predicament.

- So his guardian starts small. Hauls his ass outside for a jog. This is where things really get interesting. Starscream is unaware of how human bodies work. When his guardian begins a slow run, he gets confused. Why would you run when you can walk fine? Where were they going? Leads to an explaination of exercise, which results in the con doing his usual snide shit of “you force yourselves to go through training otherwise your bodies become slow and unusable? How unsurprising.” And they’re like “yes and nooo, it’s so we can stay strong and get stronger as time goes on. Staying strong allows us to do cool things.”

- Cool things like what? Well his guardian gets an evil idea in their head. Starscream hates running. Hates using his legs and having nothing to do with his arms. Don’t even get them started on the tantrum he threw when he started sweating (fluids exiting one’s body? Horrifying).

- So his guardian introduces him to swimming. The con is a jet in his natural form, and the closest he’ll get to that as a human without a shit ton of equipment will be the water.

- Problem is the man has to learn to swim first. And willingly get in the water. Stays on the edge of the lap pool the first few times, watching with his nose turned up at the humans swimming.

- However, he starts to slowly dip his toes in the water. The sensation is… interesting. It’s not dislikable on human skin. In fact, on the hotter days it’s very soothing, like when he drinks water (finds out he can’t drink this kind tho, chemicals and bodies in it and such).

- Eventually he gets in, staying in the shallow area. His guardian helps him learn how to swim. It feels humiliating, learning to kick and tread water, while watching human children do it with relative ease. It feels strange to use his body in such ways. But with his guardian constantly reminding that none of his cybertronian peers knew or will know of his situation, AND their constant praise, he finds it in himself to continue.

- The praise he receives from his guardian is also something he’s not used to. As well as other humans willing to help him learn. It apparently wasn’t uncommon for many adult humans to not know how to swim or do other things, and gave him more confidence to learn. He’d never admit it, but he tried harder to learn just to hear the praise from others. It felt nice to be treated kindly. Better than nice. But again, he’d never admit it. He’d just respond with a clever quip. Never did anyone hear a thanks (but most quickly figured out he was grateful from the obvious burning red on his copper-toned neck and ears).

- Weeks drag on, and to distract himself from the impatience of going back to his normal, Starscream becomes an excellent swimmer. He finds it is like flying, the way the water holds up his body. When he holds his breath and dips under the surface, he can almost imagine his rocket boosters on his pedestal holding him aloft in the sky.

- From the work it took, he gained a slight appreciated for how his human body worked. At first he thought it was a hindrance. But as he worked with the others, he began to have an understanding that unsettled the cybertronian part of him.

- Humans were incredibly versatile. After he began to improve greatly at swimming, he asked about other activities humans did for exercise. The resulted in learning that humans didn’t always “exercise” to become strong. Many did it for fun. It was a hobby to them, and the exercise was a great benefit. It kept their minds clear, it kept their bodies healthy, and it satisfies a part of them that he was only beginning to discover.

- Starscream was aware of human creativity. It’s what had made their species a slight hindrance when they aided the autobots in the war, but because of their size, they were seen as nothing but bugs. Pests at the most. But as the con experienced this small bit of human life, he began to understand there was more to them than he’d like to admit. There was this drive to do things, to push themselves beyond their current capabilities.

- He learned of skills that human no longer needed but still learned to take pride in for fun. Swimming was only a base skill. There were humans that attempted to swim across the oceans just to see if they could, even with the high chance of death. Beyond swimming, there was running across land for days on end, jumping off cliffs and diving in spectacular ways, gliding across the sky’s on flimsy metal pipes and fabric, and so much more. Their adaptability to any environment was envious.

- It nearly terrified him, the thought of what if humans were the same size as cybertronians. What if they could acutally measure up to other species of their universe? They could do anything. They would be a real threat. Or the greatest ally any race could ask for.

- His lid has been flipped.

- Eventually he wakes up back in his habsuite in his normal body. The euphoria that rushes through him at the familiarity his nothing he’s ever experienced before. Checking his info screens, he discovers no time passed. As if he had dreamed all of it. But when he looks to his desk in the room, he sees it.

- Starscream picks the item up, inspecting it, and feels his spark skip a pulse. It’s a small ring and chain, attached to two metal objects. Both in the shape and color of a pineapple and raspberry.

[the-heart-of-a-monster]

PUTTING THE NEW PAGE INTO THIS ASK AS WELL FOR GHE FIRST TIME BECAUSE THERE IS A LOT TO TALK ABOUT WITH THIS PAGE SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME HERE

Ima start with the first panel because there’s already so much in that one single panel and it is gonna drive me nuts!

So first up, we have “Secret” Chaotix meeting room. Yes, this place is apparently being kept a secret from the public eye. This could be due to the Chaotix having to handle a bunch of super deep and disturbing cases that, if allowed to spill out into the public, would be catastrophic! Not in the sense that it would destroy the world or anything like that, but it’d certainly ruin their reputation as detectives! Don’t detectives irl have these kinds of cases too…? Or maybe I’m thinking too hard on this and it’s just the place they meet with their friends whenever Eggman does something stupid? Who knows.

I do know though that it looks beautiful and it looks like they’re actually in a room which, as an amateur artist myself, can only dream of achieving!! It looks so cool! I just… I adore your backgrounds and I can tell you put a lot of love and effort into making them, so please give yourself a pat on the back!

And maybe I’m reading too much into a single panel.

But that’s not all that we get to see!!! (No I’m not talking about the Chaotix even though I REALLY wanna talk about the Chaotix cuz they deserve more love and I’m so glad they’re here THANK YOUUUUUUUU) YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, SONIC IS FULLY CONVERTED TO DARK GAIA SONIC LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Well not fully converted, but we can clearly see that it’s taking a huge toll on his body! Not only are the markings now visible on him during the day, but it also seems to be siphoning his energy…? Kind of…? I mean, Sonic has been out cold since “Killing” Omega, and usually he wouldn’t be so out of it otherwise. And I can see a little tiny X over his Gaia eye, so… I’m not too sure, but what I am sure of is that this is BAD for Sonic. The poor guy is gonna have to deal with not only being corrupted during the day, but also at night, and that cannot be good for his psyche. It was bad enough when he had to be in a completely new body for just the nighttime, but now it’s for both day and night in its own way, and… Gosh, this is gonna be torture for Sonic once he wakes up.

Okay now onto the actually lore panels because there is so much to uncover but BEFORE WE GET INTO THE LORE PARTS OF ALL THAT LEMME JUST POINT OUT HOW PISSED SHADOW LOOKS IN THE SECOND PANEL BRO LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO PUNT CHIP INTO THE SUN FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER AND HE IS JUST SO OVERPROTECTIVE OF SONIC IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY I LOVE THIS ANGSTY EDGY BOY SO MUCH BUT I WANNA KNOW WHAT IS GOING THROUGH HIS HEAD RIGHT NOW WHY IS HE GLARING DAGGERS AT CHIP WHAT DID THIS LITTLE CREECHUR EVEN DO TO YOU SHADZ

Okay back to the lore-

So, im still gonna call Light Gaia as Chip because I still see a cute adorable fluffy fairy in those big brown eyes and I think he deserves a real name. Anyhow, Chip now is aware of him being a literal god. He says he regulates the day and Dark Gaia regulates the night. This kind of makes sense. Chip handles the sun and DG handles the moon. Think Luna and Celestia from MLP. And similar to those two as well, Dark Gaia got out of control like Luna did and created an eternal night. But this doesn’t really explain the planet splitting into a million giant pieces. (Not literally a million) Nor does it explain Chip losing his memory. Chip claims that whenever one of them falls out of line, the other will be there to pull them back together. Does this mean Chip or Dark Gaia have lost their memory before? Have the events of Unleashed happened before? How do they reign the other in?

These questions are probably gonna get answered in the next page lmao what am I doing-

Everything else is kinda sorta spelled out to us which I think is a good thing, since Chip is, in the story, explaining all of this to a group of people who had no idea about any of this for their entire lives. The poor Chaotix just got roped into this, they just want their pay. So with that in mind I don’t know what else to really cover…? Maybe I’ll notice something later on and just start spamming you with questions, who knows. For now I’m SUPER DUPER EXCITED FOR THE NEXT PAGE LET’S GO THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN CANNOT WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK

hell yeah do look out for the new page on monday :3 i love ur little big analysis its always the highlight of my week to see one

btw this goes out to evecryone but the whole scene has a lot of moments for everyone else than sonic and shadow so we are winning

[olympushit]

Keeping up with the Olympians

#kuwto

Episode 3:

Preview: Triton's request to be a pornstar upsets Poseidon a lot, but creates a new beef with Eros that claims he would be better. Eros, trying to find an ally, accidentally walks in to his parents doing the deed. Hermes finds Apollo getting naughty with a stripper. Zeus is losing it, and many more to follow on this unholy episode!

Scene 1: (Poseidon's grand sea getaway)

Poseidon's confessional:

I still don't know what to do with Triton's idea. Him being a pornstar? With that dick? He's gonna be a laughing stock!

Poseidon: Son, I don't think this is a good idea.

Triton: So you don't support my dream?

Poseidon: It's not a dream, it's a bullshit!

Triton's confessional:

This negativity, the rejection! I can't! I'm gonna prove everyone wrong!

Triton: I'm done here! You never support me! I wanna do it and I will! I'll be a good pornstar!

Amphitrite: WHAT?

Triton: Shit...

___________

Scene 2: (Eros)

Eros' confessional:

Triton? A pornstar? Don't make me laugh! He is just so lame!

Triton: As if you are any better!

Eros: I'm the god of sex! Why wouldn't I?

Triton: Never overestimate yourself!

Eros' confessional:

This little bitch thinks he owns me? How old is he? Five? I'll show him!

Eros: If my judgment doesn't satisfy you, then let's ask the goddess of love herself!

Triton's confessional:

Aphrodite will help me for sure! She is totally into such stuff and can see someone's potential!

Eros: Mom!

Triton: Aphrodite!

Eros: She must be in her room!

Triton: Get in dude!

(Scene of Ares amd Aphrodite filming a porn movie)

Eros:.......

Triton:.......

Eros' confessional:

Man! Where is the bleach! My eyes huuuurt! Aaaahhhhhh!

Triton: Man it's not that big of a deal!

Eros: How dare you talk back you twerp! This is all your fault!

Triton: You are the one who so desperately flexes his sex abilities! You are such a hypocrite!

Eros: YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Ares: Guys! If you don't wanna see the action, just close the door!

Aphrodite: And for God's sake Eros, you are doing way worse with Psyche!

Eros: Triton wants to be a pornstar!

Ares: My boner is gone!

Aphrodite: Disgusting!

------------

Scene 3: (Zeus' grand palace on Olympus)

Zeus' confessional:

Things are a lot worse! She doesn't even talk to me! This is quite heavy gor my heart! Her behavior hurts me!

Hera's confessional:

I have made his life a living hell! But I think it is high time I forgave him. I have a plan afterall!

Hera: We need to talk!

Zeus: I'm not in the mood for fighting!

Hera: But I don't wanna fight!

Zeus: Ok. What's wrong?

Hera: I will forgive you only on one condition-

Zeus: YES!

Hera: You haven't heard it yet!

Zeus: Anything for you my love!

Hera: Hephaestus! Bring me the ankle monitor detector!

Zeus: THE WHAT?

Hera: You agreed!

Zeus' confessional:

SHE IS CRAZY! PSYCHO BITCH! But at the same time so kinky! And dirty!

Hephaestus: Are you sure about it mother?

Hera: Your father agreed so...

Hephaestus: Alright! Wherever dad goes, you will get a notification about his whereabouts. There is a hidden camera and GPS!

Zeus: Oh dear lord!

Hephaestus' confessional:

I love when my inventions are practical to familial issues! It's a nice way to get back at them for the way they treat me! I have feelings too!

Hephaestus: And everytime a chick will approach dad, some x-rays will run through his body paralyzing him!

Hera: I LOVE IT!

Zeus: ATHENA! HEEEEEELP! THEY TORTURE ME! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

________________

Scene 4: (Apollo at the strip club)

Apollo's confessional:

Man! Those strippers are amazing! Look at their ass!

Hermes: HERE YOU ARE! I WAS LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!

Apollo: I'm in the middle of something right now!

Hermes: Oh! Have fun bro!

Hermes' confessional:

Seriously, I can't get outta my mind the picture of Apollo's dick! Man! One thing, it was awkward! Two, it was big! Not bigger than Ares' but it serves its purpose!

Apollo: SERVE ITS PURPOSE! WTF!

Hermes: I'm not lying!

Apollo: And stop talking about Ares!

Hermes: Oh yeah I forgot he is your ex!

Apollo: My night is ruined!

Apollo's confessional:

Ares and me have past. A really good one! But he chose that Aphrodite bitch! I have a way to get back at him though.....

____________

Scene 5: (Athena's grand palace)

Athena's confessional:

I am truly hurt by Artemis' behavior! I don't know what got into her! It's like I don't really know her anymore!

Athena: She literally hurt my feelings!

Hestia: Poor baby! Maybe she was having a bad day!

Athena: I can understand that, but it's been 2 days and we haven't talked!

Hestia: Really? This long?

Athena: Yes! And it's frustrating because I wanted her opinion about the Henderson-Hasselbalch equation! Should I take the simple form or the logarithmic one?

Hestia: I'm confused!

Hestia's confessional:

I'm not sure about this conflict. I wish with all my heart to solve their problem, because I am really sick and tired of this! And I can't take another lecture about that Henderson equation! Jeez girl, get a life!

Artemis walks into the room

Artemis: Hey! Am I interrupting something?

Hestia: Uhm-

Athena: What do you want?

Artemis: I wanted to apologize for snapping at you earlier! I was having a really bad day and I wanted some company! Will you forgive me?

Athena: I don't know! Should I?

Artemis: Please! Ypu know I didn't mean it!

Athena: I still can't get over the fact that you took Ares' side on our big fight!

Artemis: It was in the spur of the moment! You know how much I value and love you!

Athena: Why would I believe that?

Artemis: Seriously now? We are besties!

Athena: That makes it even worse!

Artemis' confessional:

She always insinuates stuff without getting right to the point! Ugh!

Artemis: Will you stop being dramatic? I know you want us back together!

Athena: How so?

Artemis: Athena stop playing with me! Be direct and tell me, or else I am leaving once and for all!

Athena crying: I'm sorry! Come here sissy!

Athena and Artemis hugging and crying scene

Hestia's confessional:

Ah! Those little bitches made me cry again! Such a moving scene!

------------

Scene 6: (Dionysos and Ariadne)

Dionysos: Babe! Where is my wine jug?

Ariadne: Maybe in the kitchen!

Dionysos: It's not there!

Ariadne: Look thoroughly Dio! It can't dissappear!

Dionysos: But it's not here!

Ariadne: Look at me!

Dionysos lifts his head to see Ariadne in red lingerie, holding his wine jug.

Ariadne: Come and get it!

Dionysos: NOOOOOO!

Ariadne: What?

Dionysos: It's precious! Hold it with care!

Ariadne's confessional:

While I enjoy my life with Dionysos, sometimes he becomes a little paranoid out of nowhere! I just wanted to spice things up and he ended up all evening cleaning his wine jug! Seriously, what about my pipes! They need cleaning too!

Dionysos continues frantically cleaning the bottle

Dionysos: I'm done! Baby! I'm coming!

Sees Ariadne into Pyjamas asleep.

Dionysos' confessional:

My baby got tired! Nevermind! I'll take care of it first thing in the morning!

______________

Scene 7: (Underworld)

Hades' confessional:

My goodness! I'm a proud bottom! That woman brings me to my knees! I want her so fucking bad!

Persephone: Good morning honey!

Hades: Good morning my amazing, beautiful, kind and sexy wife!

Persephone: Oh! You love me that bad?

Hades: Hell yeah!

Persephone: Baby! We have many things to do today!

Hades: Can it wait a little?

Persephone: I don't know! I'll think about it!

Persephone's confessional:

I like teasing him! He is so cute when he is desperate! I am evil, but I enjoy a little waiting too!

Persephone: Not now! Later!

Hades: As you wish babe!

In the throne room

Persephone: What's up for today?

Minoas: Same shit! Dead people wanting to know their final destination.

Persephone: Ok let's get started.

Minoas looks at Hades

Hades: You heard her! Get started!

Persephone: So Minoas over there underestimates my queen status?

Persephone's confessional:

That little twerp! I'll show him who I am!

Hades: Next time your punishment will be to rot in Tartarus for disobeying your queen like that!

Minoas: Your Majesty, I-

Persephone: You call me that too! Understood you little pitiful judge?

Minoas: Yes, your Majesty!

Persephone: Next time you'll meet my wrath! And I am way worse than Hades!

Hades: Oh yeah! You are!

Persephone: Hades bebe! Not here!

Hades: If you go on like that I'll take you right here! In front of everyone!

Minoas: Imma head out!

Hades: You stay here!

Minoas: And do what? The cameraman with one hand?

Persephone:.......

Hades:.......

Minoas' confessional:

Ha! Take that now! Who won? Me!

---------------

There you go guys! Episode 3 is up! I'll let you know that I'm gonna be inactive for some time, because my exams are close! So enjoy this little shitty episode!

Am I the only one who thinks that Hades and Persephone are giving Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian vibez?

Till episode 4! ✌️✨🤗

[chaoticgoodlawyerwrites]

Preview for HOMD Chapter 10

Hey folks! I am very tired and still pretty sick but! I know not how to rest if I am physically able to work soooo. Let's just blame my capricron sun. But now we present! HOMD chapter 10! This is, again, a joint effort with @mocheng-gusto!

---

Shen Yuan was reminded of this last unfortunate fact as he turned off his fifth alarm and read the notification to his most recent message.

✂️: Don’t forget to bring a certain special someone to our date today~ 

Fuck. Shen Yuan had completely forgotten about that part.

Not about the lunch of course. Yesterday he had been psyching himself up to “meet the family”. He was nervous but not anxious as he was putting together the outfit Mei Kexin had specifically made him buy for this occasion.

And just then was when his package arrived.

Alright yes, he had to admit that after that all other thoughts had exited his brain like an emergency evacuation. But by then he was too out of it thinking of silicone heavenly pillars to do anything but the most mundane tasks to keep himself busy!

Nothing to do about that. Fortunately at some point in the past when he’d been more mindful he’d put enough alarms to make sure he’d wake up with plenty of time to get ready, so he had time for a thorough shower and a quick breakfast, but not for anything more.

He would’ve liked to go on a jog to free himself of any restless energy but… thinking about it, he didn’t think his body would be able to take the impact. 

His musings were interrupted by his phone pinging with two new messages.

✂️: And don’t even think you can get out of bringing your man 

✂️: Remember how much blackmail material I have and won’t hesitate to use ❤️ 

Right.

That was the detail he hadn’t accounted for so far. Luo Binghe couldn’t come for quite obvious reasons, and it wasn’t like he had any desires to fess up that he was dating, married, to a mind construct, but he had other options. He’d disappoint his friend and her girlfriend no matter what, but Shen Yuan didn’t want to completely ruin their afternoon. 

Good thing he had a Plan B in mind. The problem was that he never informed his Plan B of his participation in this ruse.

No time like the present! Shen Yuan called Shang Qinghua as he was getting rid of all the gross beddings and towels.

The call was picked up on the third ring. “Bro?”

“Free food.” Best to start with his strongest cards. “I’m inviting you to lunch, with plenty of leftovers to bring home.”

Shang Qinghua was silent for a few seconds. “… Are you bribing me?”

Technically. “Are you coming or not?”

“Aww, no need to be so shy about it bro. If you were feeling lonely you could’ve just said so!” Sensing Shen Yuan’s silence as an impatient one, Shang Qinghua was quick to add. “But sure, why not.”

Shen Yuan discreetly let out a sigh of relief. “I’m sending a Didi to your place. You have twenty minutes to get yourself decent and finish whatever you’re doing.”

Shang Qinghua mumbled. “Every day you’re becoming more like your brother.”

“What did you just say?”

“Nothing! Just send me the info and I’ll be down when it arrives.”

“Alright. I’ll meet you there.” 

“Whe–” Shen Yuan hung up before he was able to get the full word out. He had a couple of cars to order and a cold shower waiting for him.

-----------

Shen Yuan, because the shopping center was actually closer to downtown due to the somewhat upscale nature of the place, got there first. Shang Qinghua wasn’t too far behind, climbing out of the didi with eyes and something like fear on his face. “Bro, what the fuck?”

“Wardrobe,” Shen Yuan said before grabbing his friend’s arm and pulling him in, putting the little strength he had worked to build to use. “Don’t worry; I’m paying.”

“No shit you’re paying!” Shang Qinghua hissed. “I can’t afford to breathe in here. What the actual fuck is going on? Are you becoming my sugar daddy? Platonic, of course; love you but not like that, bro.”

“Tch, you wish. Besides, I’m straight. I’m just paying for stuff today so don’t question it.”

“What kind of lunch are we going to that apparently requires shopping?!” Shang Qinghua asked quietly, eyes darting from side to side as if a nervous herbivore. Shen Yuan locked eyes with a sales associate in the men’s section and, spotting a sale, the person discretely hurried towards them. “Oh, my God, are you taking me to lunch with your family!? Is Shen Jiu going to be there!?! Bro, I’m noping out of the free food offer if that’s the–”

“No, it’s not with my family, sheesh,” Shen Yuan said through clenched teeth before smiling at the sales associate. In a much more polite tone, he addressed them with, “Hi. My friend here needs appropriate semi-casual attire for brunch. We have a rather immediate deadline and would appreciate your assistance.”

“Of course, sir. If sir could please follow me…” Shang Qinghua was too polite to his fellow service worker to resist their urging, but he did throw Shen Yuan a dirty look as he left him alone. He watched from a distance to be sure that Shang Qinghua didn’t pick anything out that was ridiculous but otherwise left him to it, helpfully avoiding the questions his friend had about this ‘lunch’.

He would find out soon enough as it was.

[superioritea-complex]

new ballets russes

ngl if i ever ended up with a ridiculous amount of money i'd probably found a ballet company, i'd wanna do something new and interesting like the ballets russes did back in the early 20th century- minus Diaghilev being a strange and quite frankly gross individual- I feel like so much of ballet has gotten repetitive, in the sense that we've focused to much on perfection we've forgotten that we are a performing art form- so often we get hung up on body proportions and things like hyper extension and body shape that we end up losing the emotion of the dance completely. I've recently watched dying swan- the og version with anna pavlova and now i can't help but feel newer versions are overly santized, like the concern is to look beautiful and not the real tragedy that is happening on stage. I think it's not only a disservice to audience members but to dancers as well as we are robbing them of developing their creative expression. That and it would also help with the fact that many ballets are quite frankly dated- for example the bolshoi black face scandal for their production of la bayadere (this happened in 2019 btw).

I would love to see a new fantastical adaptation with elaborate costumes, choreography, sets, and music- (bring back camp!!). Plus there are so many myths and cultural things to chose from a ballet could be done on Sappho's life, or on La Maupin (if you don't know who she is PLEASE look her up- she's unhinged and my hero), or even take from more myths like eros and psyche, or apollo and hyacinth, or a full length version of orpheus (i know balanchine did a short version with music by Stravinsky but imagine an entire set for the underworld- like fully fleshed out costumes for hades and persephone- it's actually a shame how minimalist balanchine's sets and costumes are given the inspo (bc they weren't originally!!- look at old apollo costumes vs the more recent ones- like bro HOW did we get here???) or we could start adapting Dostoevskyballet and Kafka like we've been adapting Shakespear (METAMORPHASIS BALLET GUYS- I MEAN COME. ON.) and these are just the ones off the top of my head.

I think now would be a good time to reinvigorate the artform especially with increased interest due to the overall ballet core trend- it could be a great way to bring in more people not only as those who take classes but also as viewers. Also ballet company's have shitty marketing- ofc if you only push the nutcracker for the entire year then you're only going to get people to watch the nutcracker and your other repertoire is gonna flop. duh. By investing a bit in marketing instead of lining the artistic director's pockets (be so fr do u really need a second vacation home?) the company would be more successful overall-( more people to come in and see shows, more artistic outreach, more outreach means more tickets means more money so hopefully better conditions for the dancers, etc. etc.)

tldr. people only say ballet is boring bc y'all have made ballet boring, the lack of artistic expression, lack of new creative sets and costumes, elitism, racism, homophobia, etc. etc. etc. are what have made people less engaged with the art form over the years NOT the actual style of dance itself.

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent/endometriosis/on mobile idk/suicide mention

There's seriously something really ironic in the most fucked up ways about being a guy, but being trans, but also having endometriosis that has caused lifelong trauma, but getting a hysterectomy and feeling better, but then the pain comes back, but going on meds that make it better, but then the meds stop working.

There is literally nothing I can do to escape the presence of uterine tissue in my body. I literally have a piece of my uterus framed on my wall to be like, "I survived, mothafucka." And yet, somehow, it keeps coming back like a fucking slasher movie villain. No one wants to see this sequel. Especially not me. I just want to be a normal dude, and not internally bleed from God knows where my body decided to start regrowing a uterus literally just to spite me.

I fucking hate this shit so much. I literally JUST got over the trauma of the last episode that happened just over a year ago. I can't go back to daily panic attacks again, but I do not know how I am supposed to survive when my body pain is at an 11/10. Menstual/cramping is literally the only pain I cannot tolerate. I have broken a toe and gone out to go dancing right after. I've torn the padding in my shoulder and kept lifting weights. I have arthritis and fibromyalgia and tmj problems and chronic headaches. But cramping? I almost kmsed during the last episode, but I was in too much pain to move and find anything to do it with.

How the fuck am I supposed to live with this curse for the rest of my life?? Because guess what, menopause isn't even a way out - people with endo can still have endo problems even after going through menopause. I can say I'll probably be in that camp because the meds I've been on simulate menopause and here I am suffering yet again.

I looked it up whether starting T would do anything and the only answers I got were 'there's no data available' (lmao why does society hate trans people), or 'your body still produces some estrogen while on T, so you could technically still grow endometrial tissue.' Like thanks, that was like my one and only hope that, if I just come out to my family and start T maybe it would get my body to shut up about uteruses, but apparently that's not a solution.

I don't even know what to fucking do right now. I know my doctor isn't gonna have a solution either, because this med was supposed to be a 'fix' and when I come off it later this year, it was supposed to last me a while until the pain comes back, BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN STOPPED TAKING THE MED YET AND ALREADY I'M SUFFERING. I can't fucking do this. Lmao, okay I'm panicking. Stop thinking about dying lmao.

I hate this so much. I'm a guy, and then it's like I'm being punished with woman disease. Can't look up anything about endometriosis without being reminded that 'endometriosis is a condition that affects WOMEN.' Literally the only thing I have serious dysphoria about was having a uterus (and my voice), everything else I could manage or just accept even if I didn't like it. And of course, I'm stuck with a body that's gradually growing me more uteruses. 'Oh, hey, you dropped your uterus, have another. Wait, I hit ctrl+V a thousand times, sorry, bro.'

Brb gonna go die of internal bleeding, I guess?? Where does the blood even go?? I don't have a uterus, and IDK where the fuck the cells are. I swear it feels like they're growing on my pelvis and intestines. I don't even want to know if endometrial cells can grow on bones. That knowledge would devastate me.

I wish I could have enjoyed 2020 more. After I healed from the hysto, it was like, the best time of my life. No more pain during penetration, no fear of period blood, no worries about getting pregnant, no cramps at all, I felt so free.

Now, I feel like I don't even have a life to look forward to. I literally just started turning things around with a new psych med and taking up drawing and writing again. And now I'm gonna constantly be on edge waiting for the next episode to rip its way through my body. I don't want to do this.

[agirlwithachakram]

okay i just watched triple frontier, here's the whole thing

oscar isaac: oh god I can't handle stairs anymore, i'm an old man. whoops anathema bix got away! psych, she's my buddy.

charlie papillon: guys, don't join mercenary companies, there's no honor in that. Hi oscar, how's your mercenary company, do they want to pay me?

garrett: I'm the dumb one. I'm not really, i just don't talk as much

pedro: I am the actual dumb one. but also not really. my self-preservation instincts are just all over the place and it's pretty clear I am way less okay with this shit than y'all are. that said I am more willing to kill. just bad at like. dealing with it.

new!Batman: I have a daughter, which puts a giant bullseye on my forehead.

oscar: okay guys, lie lie lie lie lie. you in?

everyone: UGH. okay FINE. but I protest.

oscar: let's steal so much money

everyone: about that time you lied to us.

oscar: you in or out?

everyone: no we do want the money though. you had a point with that. huge fan of money.

oscar: and killing the bad guy. i'm benevolent, remember? i need to fix my mother's homeland. with guns!

everyone: fine whatever

they get SO MUCH MONEY and kill a bunch of people including their target but luckily not the like three civilians they swore they wouldn't kill. however they do leave a bloody massacre behind for the kids and wife to find.

pedro: as a pilot I need to warn you guys that if we don't leave some of this cash behind, we will crash the chopper trying to crest the andes

ben: but money! :(

pedro: ugh, fine. I'll fight physics or whatever

they crash the chopper trying to crest the andes.

pedro: so, what did we learn

ben: I'm gonna shoot these people

pedro: no! because then i'll shoot them! and you know I'm a nervous wreck! i also do coke so you'd think this coca plantation would tie into that, like I'd steal some leaves or whatever since I'm having Bad Fuckin Time, but nope.

oscar: don't shoot anyone! they're just people!

ben shoots them. pedro might also? unclear.

oscar: damn it! not only have you taken innocent lives, a terrible thing in and of itself, but you have also dealt another dreadful blow to my ability to see myself as a good guy, a liberator, a helper!

charlie and garrett: we're just here for support I guess. our characters are flatter than y'all's.

oscar: hey farm village boss. I'm real sorry. here's money for mules, the families of the deceased, and something nice for you, buddy.

they load up the money and go. a distinctive looking young man is ominously furious with ben.

cresting the andes on foot is very hard. they all get pissed at each other and pedro's mule falls to a horrible death. before they reach the top, a sniper starts taking potshots.

Ben, who fucking had it coming, gets killed to death by the distinctive looking furious young man.

the surviving four have a little cry and then they get him and the cash over the ridge. they can't get much of the money to their waiting boat so they throw it all down a crevasse.

everyone: good. we'll never think about the money again. it will just disappear forever.

me, watching: I mean...you could just come back for it? get another chopper?

they sneak through the village where a few bad guys and a bunch of conscripted teenagers want to kill them. oscar feels bad and gives a kid money even after he almost gets them killed.

they get to the boat with batman's dead body and take the remaining $5 million to some shell corporation person oscar knows

Good Guy Charlie: give my money to ben's family

Garrett: yeah

pedro and oscar: god damn it. Yeah us too. ughhhhh. even though his itchy trigger finger got pedro to take shots he didn't want to and utterly shattered oscar's delusion that he's helping.

charlie: oh oscar hey guess what

oscar: what.

charlie: I recorded the exact coordinates of the other money which is like. 150 mil or so?

oscar: oh what happened to "good, we don't want the money ever seen again"

charlie: bro it's over 100 million and we just selflessly gave all our shit to ben's kid. obviously we're going back for it

oscar: ...sequel?

charlie: god no. this wasn't nearly that good, dude.

[thegodwhocums]

alright I'm going to use this reblog to absolutely vent and then I'm going to make a positive post

i know i have mutuals who see the political situation differently than I do, if you leave bc of this post i get it

housemate has been in inpatient since last Friday, I had to coach him in how to frame his suicidality over the phone to get the psych to take him seriously, the triage nurse kept repeating "medications have side effects sometimes" like housemate was brand fucking new, extremely condescending

i got on the phone and was very fucking firm that we needed a call back from a psych THAT DAY and no it could not wait through the weekend - and that call back ended with "can you get yourself to the ER or do I need to call 911?"

so

did not enjoy coaching housemate thru describing exactly how he would overdose on pills, have been kind of fucked from that tho obviously not so bad by comparison

intake found out he was trans and then examined and asked him inappropriate questions about his genitals, apparently bc it is FACILITY POLICY to house patients based on their genitals, which in the state of NY at least is illegal (once he's out we hope to cause problems for this hospital) and strangely enough was not helpful in calming housemate's emotional state

when he brought it up later a resident doctor apologized and then said "we just don't get a lot of trans patients" GOSH I WONDER WHY NOT "but I'm really excited to learn from you" and proceeded to GRILL HIM FURTHER ABOUT HIS BODY AND ABOUT BEING TRANS which resulted in, surprise surprise, a huge backslide in his mental state

now fortunately he is someone with an extremely robust and skilled support system of loved ones who include medical professionals and legal experts, so like. he had a very bad time but is probably going to be ok. BUT MOST PEOPLE DON'T HAVE THAT

the hospital also wouldn't? tell us?? or him??? when he was being released???? it's voluntary bro can he leave or can't he 😫

ANYWAY

ALL THAT ASIDE

this stupid fucking ELECTION is fucking HORRIBLE, I HATE these motherfuckers, and also I do a shit ton of advocacy work and it means having to choose my opponents, and all these zionist shitbags are running against OTHER zionist shitbags who ALSO want to persecute trans girls and strip the meager environmental regulations that haven't been kneecapped by the overturning of the Chevron doctrine so more brown people in more places get fucking poisoned. like this is not an abstract problem. I voted for five people and hated four of them. this sucks this sucks this sucks

it's going to be 80°F whether I live today, nothing i can do will help the climate enough, Sudan is in famine in part because the fucking US keeps putting out emissions that are turning THEIR fields into deserts, through no fault of theirs. "the wars of the future will be fought over water" is right, talk about multiple genocides - I live in the place where the problems come from and am not doing enough to stop them

nothing i can do will stop the fucking bombs in Gaza, I thought protesting would make some small difference at least with our most local elected officials but it hasn't, they don't give a fuck, they keep doubling and tripling down on their support for Israel to do whatever it wants, and any attempts at a ceasefire negotiation are a fucking farce - bro YOU ARE SUPPLYING THE BOMBS. BE FUCKING SERIOUS

every day I sit down to do something and think to myself, "this is possible bc no one is bombing my house, I have the privilege of sitting down to dinner with my family bc we aren't being shot down like dogs in the street, my garden is growing while the IDF bulldozes olive trees older than my grandmother"

everything is brutality

and surely there are solutions that aren't industrial sabotage or political assassination, but FRANKLY I AM RUNNING OUT OF OTHER IDEAS

those kinds of tactics are life-ending. and if they worked, there would be math to do. but they aren't working. the valve turners are doing life in prison for shutting off one pipeline for 45 minutes. nothing has changed

i still can't sleep through the night. it's been five months

very hopeless

feeling very shitty this week

(i know, how original)

[kdipshit]

Well I Got The Thing I Needed, I Guess…

I have to learn to do everything my own way, as doing something with someone else’s perspective is just not possible. I have to be difficult all the time huh…

My body stays the same even tho it feels like my brain switches. Perspectives change. Beliefs. Realisations. Like the person I was 1 hour ago was dark and gloomy and quick to anger. irritated. But BPD irritation. I wanted to turn into a tornado and rip thru my entire house taking everyone up in it. Lol. Jk. But fr… and the person I am now is nothing like that. I don’t even think that way at all, why would I even want to it sounds like a war zone over there. Lets remember the parts of ourselves that occupy the body when the body is feeling so dark. She’s still us. Thats still me. Lol how do I say that? Im still me. Thats better. Im so sick of these walls in my brain keeping me from the other sides of myself, I can’t stay in the dark space for very long without scratching my way out. And its painful. Am I supposed to stay in that feeling until it passes? Coz sometimes it feels like it doesn’t fucking end, so I grab my bong and then I’m better. But weed is limited. Sometimes I think ill be better if I was just on the right meds. Im still very upset about my psych trip. And it makes me feel so discouraged to even continue trying…. But. I will keep trying. As long as I have weed to lean on, I’m straight as. But I’m not ignoring the darkness by trying to feel better. I can look at it in another perspective. I gotta do better. I gotta do better. The bruised knuckles do give me character tho. I should message A more quickly next time, she really did an amazing job at switching my perspective, its like she knows exactly how to talk to me. Im so grateful.

+ the weed makes me write better. Its easier to write down the thoughts… I found myself sounding like my hippie ass aunty telling my little sister that thoughts become things lol. Its such a shame that I’m actually crazy because no one really believes me lol. thoughts do become things tho, she was right, I just didn’t see the bigger picture, and I guess no one ever really will until they can for themselves. THANK YOU FOR PAIN. You give your shadow self love by learning how to thank the pain, and the hard journey, and the sleepless nights and teary eyes. Learning better methods, keeping yourself out of thought loops by treating every single day as brand new. Realising no ones got a problem with me lol. Im not a problematic person.

anyways…. Whats been going on wed chyall? Lol imagine all that trauma dumping and then I sip my tea. Your turn aunty. I’m always trine rush finish something because the act of doing something for too long freaks me out. Thats gotta be that ADHD hoe, which will be fixed if I fkn get my right meds bro wtf!!! D: like so much of my problems would be fixed if I just had the fun goddamn meds Jesus FUCK. Is it that hard around here? They think imma pill popper bro won’t even give me valium anymore, dogs. No fkn wonder why I’m smoking like smokey mother fucker, my shits al the way fucked up my boy. Give me the fucking pills lmaoooo. And up them anti-psychotics while your at it lmaoooo.

Does anyone else have conversations with other people in your head? Thats a normal thing right? Well the convos in my head are too quick to for me to write down, but they be having me fucked up on some different shit. I just did it, I just stopped a bad thought for manifesting bigger and replaced it with a better one AS SOON as it appeared. Sometimes I’m not quick enough and it catches me instead. I sat with myself today, I don’t even remember what I wrote in the ideation one. But I remember what mindset I was in, I’m curious to see how honest with myself I was. I can be honest with myself right now and day I don’t think I did good enough. There were times where I was thinking I really don’t wanna do this anymore. I forgot what I needed to remember, which was to redirect all go those feelings into positive ones, I know these things, but at some point, every emotion on peak feels the same, so I was historically crying on the way home, recklessly, because I forgot to remind myself, to switch the thought, look at everything else thats good, and setback or something super annoying happening is because your energy is needed elsewhere!! Butterfly effect, nothing in the end is bad. Its just a redirection, stop being so controlling, and let it be, let it flow, while you only control yourself, your reactions and your thoughts. Thoughts determine emotions, and emotions are my kryptonite.

The problem is my thought patter, and how it recycles the same 10-30 sentences over and over again. Some fkn crazy delulu, some that genuinely make sense cuz, and then the same normal other shit, right???? lol. Idk what I’m saying anymore but sometimes I ramble write (all the time) and I read it back and its dope as fuck and I actually make sense.

My poor knuckles are busted all because I knocked and no one answered. Well nah fuck, it was that, and then it was the non answered door last week too, its the non answered phone calls its the non answered emails like broooo. Should not be this hard to see a psychiatrist in my city I swear to god. Without weed I’m completely self destructive, I need to build my strength on my other positive coping mechanisms because typing really hurts. And I love to write. Self destructive me is very overwhelmed and unsure how to untangle everything so everything comes out as a big fat cry.

[m88n]

[7.01 pm] - when a night spent together with mark lee makes you question his motives

►listen to boyfriend - ariana grande

You recall the events of yesterday night as you make your way to the upscale burger joint that’s been designated as the meeting point for a group of friends. Lingering touches, soft breaths. Whispers of sweet nothings from a boy with clear eyes and unspoken thoughts. You don’t know what happened there—one thing led to another, and before you knew it, you were cuddling with him under his cold covers, the touches of his skin and lips becoming all too familiar to you. 

Lost in your thoughts, you realize that you’ve finally reached the diner. You reach for the door handle to enter the vicinity.

Images of his slender fingertips on his game controller flashing through your mind, you two were supposed to just spend time playing games as new friends with similar hobbies. But before you knew it, you were exchanging gazes in the silence of his studio apartment, and suddenly, you were kissing each other.

You’ve been thinking about this since last night.

“y/n, come over here! Happy you made it,” A friend calls out to you from a booth.

You don’t know what to make of it, because the way he asked for 10 more minutes of your cuddles that night, yet tearing his eyes away from you all too quickly the morning after, avoiding any lingering touches as he takes you to your cab, makes you question his motives.

You sigh your thoughts out as you sit next to Sarah, the girl who everyone generally dislikes due to her disposition and behavior, but honestly, you prefer to focus on her good parts, like her bubbliness, and her ability to bring people together.

“Hey, what’s up guys?” You greet everyone, and they greet you back in unison, all smiles.

“So, everyone here?” Jeno asks Sarah.

She giggles coyly, then says in a lowered volume, “No, I invited this guy, he’s so cute. I’ve been trying to get to him since last month ever since I saw him in my stats class. Finally got his number last week,” She finishes, playing with her hair.

“Oh, alright. That’s taking awfully long, knowing how you play,” Jisung jokes backhandedly, and you shoot him a warning look, albeit with a smile threatening to break out.

Jisung smiles back at you and looks down at his cup, trying to contain himself from bursting out in laughter.

“Yeah, I know right? Guy’s got a real tight defense, what gives,” She continues, “Usually guys would’ve been all over me at this point. I wonder what’s his problem.”

Sarah turns at you, to your surprise, “Hey, y/n, what do you think? I need to get him for me.”

Not knowing how to respond, you shrug at her question. “I honestly don’t know Sarah, you’d know better than I do.”

“Yeah, thought I’d ask you cause you do these things unreasonably slow, it’s so weird, honestly y/n, you could do so much better,” She responds. You nod at her as she keeps on talking, your eyes lingering at Jisung, who gives you a look full of condolences, slowly shaking his head at you.

“—Oh hey, over here!” Sarah suddenly stops her train of endless lecturing in order to greet someone at the entrance with complete haste.

You breathed out in relief, that is, before your eyes hover over the direction of the entrance.

Mark.

It’s Mark.

“Hey everyone, this is Mark Lee, guy from my stats class, the one I’ve told you about,” Sarah announces to the rest of the table.

“Hey guys,” Mark greets, waving at your group, before his eyes meet yours.

You swear you could’ve seen a millisecond of him slightly raising his brows, but he continues as if nothing’s happened, taking the only vacant seat next to you.

“Hey man,” Mark leans in to greet someone on the table.

“Hey, doing alright?” Jisung responds.

“Not bad,” Mark says as he sits back down.

Even though you don’t mean to, your eyes are definitely shooting daggers at Jisung at this point. He looks back at you and flashes a small reserved smile that’s hard to decipher. Park Jisung, I swear.

“I didn’t know you guys knew each other! Jiji, you never told me!” Sarah bellows from beside you, snapping you out of your train of thought. Though, you proceed to look at Jisung with the same questionable look.

“First off, Sarah, don’t call me that,” Jisung says, “Second, how am I supposed to know Mark’s the guy you have in stats? I’m not an oracle,”

“Oh Ji, always so cute,” Sarah responds as she looks over you to lock eyes with Mark, “That being said, Mark, do you want to switch seats with my friend here? She doesn’t talk too much to people she just meets so you’re probably better off—”

“I’m good here, thanks Sarah,” Mark responds with a polite smile, “I can go in and out easy to get water and go to the bathroom here, so I’m good really.”

“Oh well, whatever you say Mark,” Sarah says, giggling to herself, “Before we order, let’s introduce you to everyone, you already know Jiji,” She proceeds to give out a brief introduction of each of the people on the table starting from Jisung, Mark greeting each one with attentiveness.

“… And this is y/n. She’s a psych major,” Sarah finally gets to you, “She loves stuff like anime, but don’t get me wrong, she’s cool, kinda unexpected, she’s got around like 7 tattoos hidden on her body and stuff yknow,”

“Yeah, I know.” Mark says simply as he pulls the slightest of smiles, shifting his gaze from Sarah to you.

You see Jisung struggle to stifle a look in his face from the corner of your eyes, his hand gingerly coming up to cover his mouth, quickly picking up the restaurant menu before mindlessly looking through it.

“Oh yeah, I guess you would, you could see one peeking out on her wrist,” Sarah says as laughter bubbles out of her chest, taking the menu in one hand, “Alright now that that’s over with, let’s order everybody,”

Everyone talks about their orders with each other, while Mark and you sit in silence for a few minutes as you both browse the menu by yourselves.

Mark finally looks at you from the corners of his eyes.

“….Having trouble deciding?”

You chuckle, “Yeah.”

“Number 3 has beetroot in it,” Mark says.

“...Yeah, I know, but it’s so big. I won’t be able to finish it.” You reply.

“We can share.” He says.

You look at Mark, trying to figure this boy out, but decide upon yourself that it’d probably be the best outcome anyway since both of you love beetroot in burgers.

“Yeah, sounds like a good idea.” You respond.

“Cool.” Mark says.

“—What about you y/n? Have you decided yet? You always take ages to decide,” Sarah suddenly turns to you to ask in the midst of all the chatter.

“Oh, uh—”

“Yeah, she’ll be sharing with me, we’re getting number 3,” Mark chimes in.

“Oh. Okay, well, too bad I don’t like beetroot. Good thing Mark’s nice y/n,” Sarah says in response.

“Yeah, I guess,” You say.

Not too long after everyone finishes ordering, the orders arrive, and you’re greeted by the large burger you’re thankful to be sharing with someone else. You pick up your fork and knife to halve the burger.

“Let me.” Mark says, and before you knew it, he’s already in the middle of cutting your burger in half.

“Thanks, Mark.” You say to him, smiling. He just smiles back at you in response.

“....Yeah, he’s holding a birthday party next Saturday, at Scarlett Saturdays. I have an engineering essay due on the next Monday, but I’ll be going since he’s my bro and all,” You notice Jeno in the midst of his conversation with the others.

“Jaemin? You mean the Jaemin guy that went after y/n for the longest time?” Sarah asks in between bites. You notice Mark halts for a split second before he finishes cutting the burger.

“Is going after. He asked me to ask her to come. But knowing her, I didn’t even try,” He says, chuckling.

“Why don’t you go for it already, y/n? Even though he’s not really my type, I think he’s mad cute. Do you not think so?” Sarah says, turning to you.

“…I mean, yeah, he’s cute I guess. I don’t know.” You reply concisely, not really feeling like talking about that right now. You proceed to cut a small bite sized piece of the beetroot burger you’ve instead been thinking about for the past 10 minutes.

“Maybe think about it though. Just one night. Jaemin does seem like a bit of a flirt and a player, but I think he really does like you,” Jeno continues, munching on his burger.

“It’s about time you get some action don’t you think,” Sarah follows up on him.

You cough on your burger, startled by Sarah’s remark.

“Water,” Jisung readily hands you a new glass of water, as if on cue.

“Thanks, Ji,” You say, taking it from him, before gulping on it to ease your choking. God, it really seems like you’re not taking any breaks tonight. Not even to eat the beetroot burger you’ve come here to eat in the first place.

“Right? I think you really should go for it y/n,” Sarah insists, “You’re in uni, live your life instead of being inside all the time, watching anime and playing games or something,”

You sigh out, trying to ease the slight annoyance that’s starting to creep onto you. Would people just let you eat your goddamn beetroot burger already that’s starting to turn colder by the minute.

“Say, Jeno was it?” Mark suddenly says out of the blue, cutting his share of the burger, “You take chemical engineering? How far along are you in that report?”

“....Maybe 40 percent or something, probably not good enough.” Jeno muses, “You take the same class as I do, dude? Maybe we could shoot ideas to each other. Jaemin doesn’t take his studies too seriously.”

“Yeah, I’d be open to that.” Mark says, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

With that simple interruption, everyone finally drops the topic and goes back to eating. You sigh out in relief, finally revelling in the relative quietness.

You gently elbow Mark’s arm while smiling, “Thanks.”

He smiles back at you with those clear eyes that became overly familiar to you after yesterday night’s events. But before you get too deep in thought, and your burger gets even colder, you shake it off and continue eating.

That is, before you feel Mark’s thigh brush against yours, and continues eating while he lets your thighs touch, as if… He meant to do that in the first place. You figure that mulling over on these budding thoughts wouldn’t serve you well at the moment, it would only cloud your head even more, and so you finally choose to just ignore it.

“….Hey dude, what’s up? I’m eating right now,” Jeno says, after finally picking up his phone that’s been vibrating on the table for the past minute while the others continue eating.

“Yeah, I got Ben to join, probably a good idea to book 3 tables,” He says, “Can we call later? I’m with the others right now, it’s kinda rude—“

“Yeah, y/n’s here,”

You sigh out, knowing exactly who’s on the other side of the phone. Tired of dealing with the whole topic, you continue eating anyway.

“Yeah, yeah, I asked her dude. It’s a no go,” He continues, “Look, if we’re gonna be talking about this can we—”

“Dude we’re literally eating right now, I’m telling you that’s what she said,”

Jisung glances at you, knowing full well that you’re incredibly annoyed at this point but still keeping it under wraps.

“Fine but if you stuff up I’m not gonna do anything about it alright, I’m just the messenger,” He says, before putting the phone in front of you, prompting you to look up from your plate.

“It’s Jaemin. He wants to talk about the party.”

“Can’t he just call her phone directly instead of asking you to?” Jisung asks Jeno.

“He keeps on telling me she won’t pick up. Persistent, that guy.” Jeno replies.

You stare at Jeno in disbelief. Jeno’s actually a good guy, academically smart, but sometimes he could really be a blockhead, and it always surprises you how that part of him could annoy you to no end.

“What you waiting for y/n? Talk to him!” Sarah says excitedly.

To your complete surprise, Mark snatches the phone off of Jeno’s hand faster than everyone on the table could even register it in their minds.

“Hey dude, y/n’s not coming. Based on what I’m hearing, she’s really not into you. You don’t know me, my name’s Mark, and I’m really into her. Only difference is, she’s reciprocated in some ways. I wanted to do things in order with her, but I’m discovering it really doesn’t matter anyway. If she doesn’t like it, she won’t go for it. And she’s not going for it dude, at least not with you.”

[eleanorbloom]

Moonlight: Part One.

Disclaimer: Open Heart and most of the characters are owned by Pixelberry. Matilde is a creation of mine.

Book/Pairing: Open Heart / Bryce Lahela x F! MC (Matilde Luna)

Word Count: 1.9k Warnings/Rating: Few curse words/Teen.

Author's Note: I must confess I'm scared AF of sharing this with you. First POV is a challenge. Matilde has a whole different personality compared to Eleanor. And with her I'll share some of my deepest struggles and insecurities. That's why it took me so many months to finally realease this story to the world. Anyway, hope you enjoy it ❤

Taglist: @dalishessence @curiousconch @chocopeppermintcake @utterlyinevitable @secretaryunpaid @kachrisberry @romereadingshop @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist!

______

Part One. Encounter with the Sun.

When you spend so much time in the darkness, it's inevitable to feel blinded by the light.

It’s dazzling.

You don’t see anything at first, your eyes hurt. They burn.

Then, when you’re able to detect the things around you, you feel good, even amazed by the new perspective, the colors, the depths, the lengths, the shining. The new world before you.

After a while, however, you feel overwhelmed by it. By the spotlight that gives you. How observed and judged you feel and how out of place you realize you are.

So you miss your old friend, the darkness. The intimacy of it. How it covers your flaws, your fears, your insecurities, your lackings. Your secrets. The secrets you don’t even know you’re keeping.

When you're invisible it's just you and your deepest thoughts and desires. No exposition, no need to cover your flaws, or make an effort to fit in.

You're safe from the constant awkwardness for feeling different.

That’s what happened to me when I met Bryce Lahela. His light dazzled me. It made me see the world bright, as I'd never seen it before.

But soon I realized it wasn’t for me. I belong to the darkness, and there’s not so much a person from the darkness can do with a person with so much light like him.

Or that's what I thought.

It was my first day of Residency when I met him, walking hurriedly to the locker room, covered in blood and lost in my thoughts. Orientation with the new interns was about to start in five minutes, so I couldn’t show up with my scrubs stained with blood from the Thoracotomy I just had done.

I was so deep in my thoughts and worries that I didn’t realize there was someone around the corner of the lockers until I bumped directly into him, my face almost burying on his toned, bare chest if it wasn’t because he had quicker reflexes than me.

“Woah there,” he said, surprised, and then his firm hands grabbed me by the arms.

“Sh…” I stopped instantly, reminding myself I was in my workplace, so I couldn’t be cursing as I pleased, much less in front of a person I hadn't met before.

“Damn, I’m…” I tried to say instead, but as I looked up, my words choked in my throat.

Damn indeed.

A pair of brown eyes looked at me curiously but warmly. But damn, damn, damn. He was handsome, so handsome it seemed like a hallucination.

Fuck, people can be this handsome in real life? I thought, as I was taking in the sight of him: dashing broad smile, eyes wrinkling in a playful grin. And all that was complemented with toned, perfect abs, illegal triceps, and divine hair. I could swear my hair never looked that gorgeous.

But the way he looked at me, even casually, was disarming. Just one look and he had me all inspected. And for some reason, I couldn't stop staring at him. There was something hypnotizing about him. Inevitable.

“Are you okay?” he asked a few moments later, as he noticed my speechlessness.

I blushed instantly. Oh my god, how much I stared at him like an idiot?

“Or are you already getting all the fun without even starting your shift yet?”

I sighed, thanking internally that he was talking about the blood on my scrubs and not about my embarrassing loss for words because of his appearance.

“I’m sorry, yes,” I said, shaking my head as I kept walking toward my locker, my cheeks flushing in a beet red in a matter of seconds, “Just a thoracotomy in the waiting room, that’s all.”

He chuckled as I was opening my locker to put my things inside, ignoring the anxiety washing over me slowly.

“Way to start the year, are you new too?”

“Y… Yeah,” I stuttered, begging internally he wasn’t looking directly at me at that moment. I didn't dare to check if it was the case.

By this point, I was used to changing clothes in front of lots of strange people, but it was always difficult doing it for the first time in a new place, so I tried to overcome my self-consciousness and simply tugged my stained scrubs out, ignoring the fact that he could see my curvy body in my simple black underwear.

After a lot of effort, I was a couple of years past feeling embarrassed by my body. I had finally accepted it the way it was -way off commercial beauty standards: chubby, fluffy, full of stretch marks and cellulitis-, but coming to terms with the fact that other people wouldn't think the same is completely different. There are always looks and awkward smiles, sometimes opinions. So this time I couldn’t help but feel a little shy about it, much more considering how handsome and sporty he was. It made me feel judged even if he wasn’t even judging me at all.

“Internal medicine?” he asked once I was with my fresh scrubs on. I turned around and found him with green scrubs instead, leaning against the lockers with a relaxed smile. There wasn't anything uncomfortable about his features.

“Yup,” I said sharply, giving him a quick glance before sitting down to lace up my black Chuck Taylors.

But then I felt the strange need to say something more.

I don't know why.

Any other day I would've replied and then acted like that conversation never happened. I hate small talk. But there was something that persuaded me to ask him something in return. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn’t expecting he would keep talking to me. Maybe I just wanted to repay the kindness. He could've just ignored me but he didn't.

“You?”

“Surgery,” he said grinning, fixing his hair with enviable naturality.

Oh, of course. Of course the living embodiment of Adonis would be a surgical bro. I should've known.

I couldn't help but chuckle as I shook my head.

“What?” He asked, with a puzzled look.

“Nothing,” I assured, still smirking while I was closing my bag before putting it back inside my locker.

“If you say so,” he shrugged before standing straight and checking his watch, “Are you ready? We can go to the Atrium together if you want. Considering we’re going to the same place.”

I froze in place for a moment.

I never expected something like that.

First, to interact with someone in my first hour at the hospital. Socializing wasn’t my forte so this felt like I was doing my first friend at playschool, even if this would bethe first and last time I'd talk to him in my life.

Second, to keep interacting with him after the usual pleasantries. He could’ve just greeted me and then done as nothing happened. Like I would’ve done it if it wasn't because my brain was pushing me to talk to him.

Third, that he would want to keep interacting with me despite how weird I acted and that I somewhat laughed at his face a few seconds ago.

“Y-Yeah, sure,” I said trying to conceal the slight shaking in my voice, and followed him outside the room.

“I’m Bryce Lahela, by the way,” he added, extending his hand to me as we started walking towards the exit.

“Matilde Luna,” I said in response, shaking his hand. His caramel skin felt smooth and warm on my palm.

“Nice to meet you, Matilde Luna. You have a really beautiful name.”

“Your name is pretty nice too,” I said without thinking too much of it, in my effort to hold the conversation even if I didn’t know what else to say.

When I turned to look at him, I could swear the ghost of a sad smile was concealed behind his -seemingly- signature smirk.

I frowned, wondering why that was. It was just a compliment to his name, how could I be wrong about something so simple as that?

But a moment later, that sadness was gone. As if it never happened, he grinned at me again.

“Do you have any friends or acquaintances from Med School here?” he broke the silence again, as we were reaching the stairs.

“I… I actually don’t know much,” I confessed, looking directly on the staircases before me. I couldn't care less about my classmates, honestly, but at that moment I felt bad for not knowing. Maybe guilty for my indifference. “I think a guy is in Peds and another girl is in Neuro?”

“Where are you from?”

“U-Dub. Washington.”

“Ah, cold and rainy. You won’t suffer too much with the climate here then.”

“Yup, I like it rainy.”

“You’re nuts!” He exclaimed, with an overacted shocked expression.

“Oh, let me guess why the gratuitous insult, you're from California, right?”

Bryce turned to me, perplexed, “Guilty as charged, what gave me away?”

“Mmm besides your tan and your surfer highlights?”

“Ouch, talk about gratuitous insults!”

“Just payback, ” I laughed heartily, “No, actually it’s your accent. I did my undergrad in Berkeley.”

“Oh,” he chuckled, “Makes sense.”

“Which part of Cali?”

“Stanford.”

Surgical bro from Stanford. La crème de la crème. Why was he even talking to me?

Just he replied, we entered the Atrium and found interns of all sorts of specialties gathered around place, waiting for the Chief to make her appearance.

My stomach churned at the huge amount of people before me. All these new people I'd have to meet and work with. To deal with.

But it didn't matter. If this was the price I had to pay to do what I love, to make her proud, so be it.

I took a deep breath, psyching myself to what was about to come, “This is for you, mama.”

And just the thought of her seemed to soothe whatever anxiety I was feeling at that moment.

“Well, Matilde Luna,” Bryce announced, after both observed the crowd in silence for a couple of seconds, “Time to meet my competition now. Good luck with yours.”

I looked up at him instantly, surprised by the slight tremor concealed in his voice. But there was nothing there. Bryce was already grinning at me, his caramel skin glistening against the morning sunlight. Melting as if they were just the same thing. But I could tell his smile wasn't reaching his eyes as before.

“Thank you, you too, ” I said as I watched him striding toward a group in green scrubs, each step taken with resolve.

But after a few feet, he stopped and slowly turned in my direction, a twinkle of honey piercing directly at me, “See ya later? ” he quizzed.

I arched an eyebrow at his question.

See ya later.

And made an effort not to snort.

With the sea of interesting people in this hospital, you won’t even remember my face by the end of the day, so don’t bother.

But I played along, it was the least he deserved for being so friendly with me that morning.

“See ya later,” I promised, convinced it was in vain. This would be the last time I would exchange words with him.

At that moment, though, I couldn’t even imagine how wrong I would be.

----

Thank you so much for reading!!!

[iwavibes]

first off i’d like to say i rlly love your writing🥺🥺 and i want to thank you for sharing your work with us!!! ive read ur whole masterlist and it’s all so so good! i’m obsessed w pretty setters 🥰 i was mayhaps .... wondering if you could write something maid cafe related w either suga, kageyama or kenma? 😳 u don’t have to obviously KDNDKNDKS anyways hope you have a good day today!!!

AAAAA IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE PRETTY SETTERS SO FAR!! you're so sweet omg lemme give u a kith this made my whole day 😩💞 it's 11PM rn so this might be a bit of a mess 😭 fingers crossed that my tired brain won't fuck this up 🤞 finished this at around 12AM NSKSJSKM i hope you like this anon 💕💗

hq reacting to y/n working at a maid cafe

---sugawara, kageyama & kenma

sugawara koushi

sugawara is very adventurous like he'd be all out on trying new stuff

may it be food, hobbies, anything.

man is a knitting legend and he only went to one (1) lesson 😩

king shit 👑✊

so when noya suddenly dragged him to a maid cafe, he didn't think much of it

he was already used to his friend's pervy tendencies

why he was hanging out with him on his own was a mystery

he would quickly scan the menu, eyeing the pictures of cute food along with whatever dish sounds appetizing enough

his concentration was cut off, however, when he heard a familiar voice

even tho you purposefully raise your voice up a notch this man would still know that it's you

he'd blush furiously as soon as his eyes meet yours and seeing you in a cute maid outfit really did not help his case

you'd freeze as soon as you processed the identities of the customers in front of you mostly at suga

noya would eye the two of you knowingly, a somewhat proud smirk on his face

"NOYA I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYBODY"

"really??? must have slipped my mind."

you wanted to kill him

you would try to get back into character very awkwardly if i might add and suga would just stare at you in disbelief

was this why you always rejected him whenever he asked you out?

my boy would be having a whole ass epiphany and now he's seeing you in a whole new light

"and you, senpai?"

still, even with all these new information, he can keep his cool and tell you what he wanted smoothly.

after that, everything would be going smoothly

but then, as time passes you notice that sugawara hasn't left yet and noya is nowhere to be seen.

by the time your shift ends, he'd stand up from his seat and jog towards you with a smile

"since your shift is over, is it okay for me to take you out? or atleast walk you home?"

and tbh how could you say no to that

"you know, you could've told me that you were working during the weekends. now i feel bad for trying to keep you away from your job." he said as he walked you home.

"well... working outside school campus is strictly prohibited and i didn't want to take any chances. only one of my friends know about it and noya only found out by accident." you explained. "i'm sorry if i made you feel like i didn't trust you."

"it's okay! i totally understand why you didn't tell me. at least now i know when you get off work, this way i can walk you home everyday." he beamed.

you feel your heart pound in your chest at his words, heat slowly spreading across your cheeks as you look at him in shock.

"that is, if it's okay with you?" he stopped walking before turning his body to you. politely awaiting your answer. you nodded your head slowly and sugawara can't help but smile wider.

"you're very admirable, y/n."

kageyama tobio

unlike sugawara, kageyama is a very awkward dude

he lost a bet against hinata and now it was time for his punishment

kageyama may be the king of the court and he may look like the coolest man alive whenever he's on the court but thats about it

everything else, this poor boy is really clueless and awkward someone save him

so while they were walking around town, hinata trying to figure out what to make kageyama do, they passed by the maid cafe you work out

believe me when i tell you a light bulb suddenly sprouted from the tangerine's head

all he needed to do was go inside the cafe and buy some milk

simple stuff

but you should remember that this guy is so awkward and unaware that it can be painful just to look at him try to fit in

and soon kageyama finds himself walking to the cafe, money in hand, as he tried psyching himself out as he steps nearer to the entrance

'i can do this'

'i defeated oikawa so this will just be a piece of cake'

'boke hinata boke'

when he does enter the cafe, he opened the door too hard, making all the customers and employees turn to the sound

this boy would be glaring as he walked to the nearest empty seat

i kid you not everyone is terrified of this boy rn

and he's embarrassed enough as is because of how loud he opened the door and now everyone was looking at him 😭

baby just wants some milk 😩

it gets worse once he sees the person that will be serving him

bc wow have you seen yourself???? you're fucking hot bRO

stutters. A LOT.

and you can't help but to smirk at his flustered state.

"uhhh... m-milk please?" this was the guy everyone is scared of? you wanted to ask your co workers. it's just kageyama. the boy in your class who failed that one exam and practically begged you to tutor him. this?? this is who you're scared of?

you raised a brow teasingly at his state. "of course! would that be all, master?"

this guy literally chokes on his own spit while shaking his head frantically. you chuckled before walking away to get his drink.

"here you are, sir." you say as you settled the glass on his table. taking the money from his outstretched hand. no words. he just wants you to take the money and save him from further embarrassment.

"you know, you may be scary on the court but you're actually very adorable, tobio-chan."

ERROR kageyama.exe has stopped working

kozume kenma

if you guys thought kageyama was bad then... you right kenma is just behind him by a scratch

unlike his fellow setter, kenma can still form words when he saw you

why was he in a maid cafe in the first place? simple;; kuroo

it was one of the rare instances where his best friend actually managed to get him out of the house

and now he's salty

has a permanent frown etched on his face the whole walk to the cafe >:(

and kuroo would be talking away, unbothered by his friend's attitude and now here they were

"you know i've always wanted to come here. i heard they serve really tasty milkshakes."

"kuroo."

"yeah?"

"shut up."

he'd start playing on his phone while kuroo scolds him about how unhealthy it was to play games this much

but kenma remains unbothered

however, the moment he sees you, boi is already lost

he'd stare at you for a long time until you hear the small sfx indicating that he died.

he couldn't care less tho as he pocketed his phone inside his hoodie

kuroo quirked a brow at his friend before turning to you

"y/n! i didn't know you worked here."

"im trying to buy the latest installment of [insert random game here] so i need the money."

wow,, can you be any more perfect?

rn kenma's brain is already whirring with thoughts as he pictured this as one of his roleplay games

y/n says: so what will you be having?

choices: [banana] [latte] [ps4]

he picks the latte

"coming right up!"

and for the first time that day, kenma smiles

"oya?" kuroo spoke up the moment he sees his friend's upturned lips. "what's this?"

his face turned into a scowl again as he glared at his friend. "none of your business."

kuroo smirked, already scheming before standing up. "i'm gonna go to the restroom. watch our food while i'm gone."

"it's not like it's going anywhere." kenma huffed but his raven haired friend was already walking away.

"here are your orders, kenma." you announce, setting the food down on the table. "let me know if you need anything else."

you were just about to walk back to the counter when you suddenly felt a hand stop you by your wrist. you turned around towards a sheepish looking kenma. his eyes landing on every where but you.

"i have that game you're saving up. if you want, we can play it together. it's a multiplayer game right? i haven't started on it because kuroo sucks at shooting games." kenma's voice has always been soft and very quiet. some would've found it hard to understand what he just said but to you, you could hear him as clear as day.

"sure, we can play it this friday if you want?"

kenma nodded, finally lifting his head up to look at you.

"see you on friday then."

[nightshade-minho]

-Blue Book- (8)

Warnings: hoo boi.

Word Count: 2k 

"Y/n?" Chan gently shook your shoulder. "Come on baby, you've got to wake up."

You peeled your eyes open, cheeks flushing as you noticed how close Chan's face was to yours.

"Good, you're awake. Listen...I've got to go to the airport and pick up my parents, and your mom was blowing up your phone just a few minutes ago." The corner of his lips twitched in amusement as your phone started vibrating. "Well, there she goes again. Sounds important, you should answer." He straightened up, handing you your phone and heading to the kitchen. "I’ll be making breakfast."

You smiled as he left, expression dropping as you answered your phone.

"Yes, mom...?"

"Oh! My baby! Thank god you answered, finally...I'm so sorry about last night, darling..."

"It's oka-"

"No it wasn't! I'm a terrible mother. I'm sorry, it's just, he was so hot, and I was super intoxicated. We're going to go on a second date! Whose place did you stay at, by the way? A boy answered the phone earlier." She asked, her tone dripping with suggestiveness. You could almost see her wiggling her eyebrows.

"Ew, gross, mom! He's just a friend." You said as Chan came back into the room with a plate of waffles, raising an eyebrow.

"Sure, darling, whatever you say. Although I'm certainly not opposed to you getting laid, it was long overdue anyw-"

"Haha okay, bye mom!" You cut the call, shuddering as Chan giggled, passing you the plate.

"Just a friend? Do friends kiss each other the way we did last night?"

"Shut up." You smiled, digging into your waffles.

***

You watched Chan's car leave as he left for the airport, standing there until he became a speck in the distance before turning around to enter your house.

You found your mom sitting on the couch...but this time, she wasn't passed out with drool running down her chin and clutching a bottle of beer- she was sitting with an odd sense of poise, wearing a pretty summer dress and a huge smile.

"Y/n! You're home! How was your night?" She grinned, winking. You narrowed your eyes, her cheerfulness catching you off guard. Your gaze drifted to the table, on which rested some plates and two empty wine glasses.

"Nowhere near as good as yours." You said pointedly, tearing your gaze away from the table as you moved to go upstairs.

Flopping on your bed, you scrolled through your text messages. Nothing new from Chan. You sighed, reminding yourself that there was probably no Wi-Fi at the airport.

Suddenly your phone dinged with a new text message. Oh. A response to your tutor ad. You'd put it up a long while ago and had honestly forgotten all about it. Well, you definitely needed the extra money. You replied affirmatively to the text and tossed your phone next to you on the mattress.

***

It had been a while since Chan had had dinner with the boys. The conversation was light, and he had missed his friends..however he found himself missing you more, despite having seen you that morning.

"Minho, I don't know how you get away with making out with her in the hallway. I can barely hold hands with my girlfriend without some teacher giving us detention-"

Chan looked up as Felix shoved Changbin's arm, making him stop mid-sentence. Changbin raised an eyebrow, realization dawning on him.

"Ah sorry, Chan. I didn't mean to rub it in."

"Seriously, though." Jisung rolled his eyes. "It's been weeks, and you aren't any closer to getting that book. I hate to say it bro, but I don't think Miyoung would want to be with you even if Minho breaks up with her."

Hyunjin nodded, glancing up from his phone. "I've noticed her and Y/n are really buddying it up. It's girl code not to date your friend's ex."

"Of course, you're the expert on girl code, Hyunjin."

A small squabble broke out and Chan wanted to slither onto the floor and just...stay there. He glared at his plate, deciding he’d had enough.

"Stop it!”

Jisung and Hyunjin stopped talking, staring at Chan in surprise.

"I will get that book soon. I love Miyoung, and I'll make sure she's mine, through any means possible. I don’t care about your opinions, so you guys can just shut the fuck up." He hated lying through his teeth, but there was no way he was going to tell these judgmental burdens he called his friends that he loved you- at least not yet.

Chan relished the silence as he continued eating, trying his best to ignore Minho's burning, inquisitive gaze directed right at him.

***

You sat in bed, clutching your blue book as you tapped your pencil, your head filled with thoughts of Chan. In all your 17 years of life, you'd never known what love felt like...but now you did. And as a result, you were completely consumed with the burning need to tell Chan exactly how you felt.

When you'd moved to this town, you really hadn't expected for it to one day feel like home. But it did, and you were sure it was all because of Chan. His presence somehow made you feel safe, and protected, and you hadn't felt this secure since your dad left you.

You wanted- no, you needed to know if Chan felt the same way about you. You pushed the self-doubt deep inside as you imagined telling him.

You turned red just thinking about it. Fuck it, you were too shy. You'd be a blubbering mess two words in.

Sighing, you looked back down at your book...when an idea struck in your head.

Uncapping your pen with your teeth, you placed the nib on the paper and inhaled, letting all your feelings flow out onto the page. It felt kind of cliché, writing a love letter like this, but you always did have a tendency to over-romanticize everything.

Besides; it was more of a love poem. Gah, was that worse? You hoped to god he wouldn't find it cheesy, especially since you'd bared your heart to him with these words. As you finished, your eyes ran over the last sentence. 

"If you feel the same, please meet me behind the tree near the lake, where we had our first conversation, and where I started falling for you."

You shut the book and placed it on your bedside table, flicking the lamp off and rolling over. You nuzzled your pillow, your mind drifting to last night, the memory of Chan's lips and body pressed against yours still fresh.

***

It was a bit early to be having an ice cream date, but neither of you could honestly care less. As soon as you'd woken up in the morning, Chan had texted you to meet him at the ice cream parlour near his house.

"I can't believe you like salted caramel. Its such an old person flavor." He laughed, staring at you fondly.

"Like mint chocolate is any better." You rolled your eyes.

"Fine fine, let's just accept we have different tastes in ice cream."

You smiled. "That I can get on board with."

There was a comfortable silence as the two of you ate. You glanced up from time to time, your heart pounding as you psyched yourself up. Come on, this was the moment. You can do it, Y/n.

"Hey, Chan...?"

"Mm?" He asked, pausing with the spoon halfway to his mouth.

"Uh...are you free tonight?"

"Tonight? Oh, I'm playing soccer with the guys. You could come watch, though."

"Oh no, I have a tutoring appointment in the evening." You muttered.

Chan quirked his eyebrow. "Why'd you ask in the first place, then?"

"Uh, I just wanted to know. I mean-" You groaned, letting out an exasperated sigh. Bending down, you grabbed your bag from the floor and put it on your lap.

Confused, Chan watched as you pulled out your book, the book, swallowing. Slowly, you slid it over to him.

"I...what's this?" Chan asked as nonchalantly as he could, running a hand through his hair.

"It's...kind of my diary. I just-" you inhaled. "Look, I've bookmarked a page. When you go home- and please don't open it before then- read what I've written." You gulped, as Chan didn't make any move to take the book.

"Look, Y/n, I-"

"Please, just take it. Don't ask any questions." You looked down, trying to hide your flushed cheeks, trying to calm the beating of your heart.

Chan sighed, fingers reaching out and slowly curling over the book as he took it into his hands, tucking it into his pocket as you let yourself smile.

"Thank you."

***

Huh. This was definitely not what you'd been expecting. The house was a lot smaller than you'd imagined it to be, especially knowing how much you were charging.

You breathed in and came forward, knocking on the door and waiting. A few minutes later, a young girl opened it.

"Hi! Are you Dea?"

"How do you know that?" She asks, scrunching her nose, her hand gripping the handle tightly. "Mom says not to talk to strangers."

You shook your head quickly before she could close the door. "Sweetheart, I'm your tutor."

"Prove it."

You sighed, straightening and looking past her. "Is your mom here?"

The girl paused for a second before shaking her head, moving to slam the door closed, when a woman showed up from behind the corner.

"Oh good, it's the tutor!" The woman placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder, smiling at you. "Come in, Y/n. I've actually got someplace to be, but I'll be back in two hours. I assume you'll be done by then?"

"Yeah, most probably." You smiled and let her take you in, leading you to Dea's bedroom. The girl herself followed cautiously, and you found yourself a little amused.

"Right, this is her desk." The mom ran a hand through her hair, gesturing to the table. She glanced at her watch and swore, shooting you an apologetic glance.

"In sorry Y/n, I've got to get going soon- please focus on her maths, it's really bad. We'll discuss your fees and other logistics when I get back, okay?" She smiled at you, waving at her daughter before hurrying out the door.

You watched her leave, frowning slowly as she walked away. Something was niggling away at the back of your mind. Why did she look so familiar?

Turning back to the girl, you sighed inwardly at her knitted eyebrows and scowl. She was avoiding your stare, fiddling with her pencil and muttering under her breath.

This was going to be tough.

***

Minho sighed, watching Miyoung wave from the bleachers. Fuck, it was like she was physically incapable of giving him some fucking space.

He glanced over to Chan, clad in his uniform as he chugged water from the bottle Felix handed to him. When was this asshole going to get that fucking book? He couldn't stand having to date Miyoung any longer.

As the girl blew him an exaggerated kiss, Minho decided he had had enough. Needing to be alone, he turned around and went to the locker room. Just a moment to breathe, that was all he was asking for.

As Minho entered the cool, air-conditioned locker room, he let out a sigh of relief. He went over to sit one of the benches, planning to rest in solitude for just a few minutes... until he noticed Chan's clothing lying on one.

His shirt and jeans were carelessly strewn on the seat, and Minho narrowed his eyes as a flash of blue caught his eye, almost immediately.

Peeking out from the pocket was a very familiar looking little blue book.

He came closer, slowly pulling the book out and inspecting it. Could it be? The bastard had your book all along? Opening it, he flipped through the pages with a smirk slowly growing on his face. Yup, it was yours.

It was like the gods were smiling down on him, finally.

[missinghan]

to my youth ⤖ lee felix

❖ genre : summer au; high school au; fluff

❖ word count : 11,6k.

❖ warning : explicit language, slow burn

❖ summary : it is official that life hates you because not only was your first few days of summer ruined by a stupid field trip, but things also got somewhat freaky… whatever kind of ‘freaky’ you’re thinking about.

❖ note : i know i said i’m ‘experimenting’ with new stuff but guess who’s back with another mediocre, not-that-well-written mess of a domestic au; please (kindly) yell at me to dabble into a new genre after bearing through this fic- happy reading!

one.

The echoes of your summer days remain as flowers immune to the winter chill, they say.

You’re not entirely sure who even fathomed their time and effort to come up with that statement but from your point of view, those flowers would most likely have either died out from the summer heat or withered horrendously because of the arbitrary showers of rain. Or you’re the only one who doesn’t have the luxury to see life through a rose-colored lens.

Because the first thing that comes to mind for you is the bucket of ice-cream and a YouTube OG that you’ve ceased to finish since finals started two weeks ago. The bell rings, pens down, everyone pours out of the classroom after handing in their exam papers. No one really bothers to check up on each other’s answers anymore; the last subject for today was AP Psych and you don’t know about them but you honestly can’t care any less thereafter cramming the entirety of five chapters. 

Sprinting down the staircase, you easily spot Felix amongst the midst of drowsy high school students for the bright color of his hair. He truly believes that if he slaps enough hair essence and coconut oil on his head four times a week, his hair won’t feel like straws when he changes it every other three weeks. But it’s only a matter of time before balding catches up to him, he’ll learn eventually.

“Please don’t tell me that you left your keys in class,” you sigh upon the sight of him fumbling with his folders and textbooks while trying to open his locker in vain. Just thinking about walking all the way back to the third floor makes you want to use your backpack as a pillow and take a nice nap in the middle of the hallway.

“Gee, Y/N,” Felix makes a face to not show the sense of relief washing over him when he locks eyes with you. “Who do you take me as? A clumsy person?”

“No, just a dumbass.” You coldly snatch a slipping book from his arms before turning to twist the disc in the combination of your birthday until the lock clicks, shaking the shackle off to swing his locker open. It’s a silent tradition that you both set each other’s birthday as your locker’s combination since elementary school; it started out as a stupid joke at first but neither of you really bothered to change it. 

“Why the hell would you put your keys in the locker?” you widen your eyes in disbelief as he grabs the bright yellow Spongebob plushie to collect his keys with a shit-eating grin

“My alarm didn’t go off today, so I was running a little late,” he defends himself while dumping everything out of his backpack, hugging an empty water bottle to his side. 

You throw a wave at a very tired Hyunjin walking side by side with Seungmin on his right and Jisung skipping happily towards your direction. Seungmin looks exceptionally moody today, you pray he didn’t mess up an easy question to take it out on all of you later in the car. “Bet you were staying up late to play Overwatch with Chan.” 

Felix manages to grin stiffly at your comment, turning on his heels and trudges onto the school’s parking lot. “Fine, walk home.” 

“Hey, you forgot to lock this!” you pull his steps into a halt by making a grab for his hand, utterly oblivious at how his cheeks flare up with a bright shade of red at your touch. Or out of embarrassment. Whatever, same thing. 

Felix might be a better driver than you, but he’d be fired ten seconds into the job of a babysitter.

With that being said, when Jeongin decides it’s a good idea to cheer a passive-aggressive, post-exams Seungmin up with a carton of strawberry milk and then proceeds to get lost in his own school, the very same school he’s been attending for who knows how long, you’re the one who manually pulls his ass back into Mrs. Lee’s Jeep within ten minutes. 

And Seungmin has already fallen asleep by the time Jeongin’s back, so now he’s the passive-aggressive one while sipping on the milk bitterly. Either way, this is why you headcount although there are only six of you after Changbin starts getting busy with his college applications. 

“What took you so long?” Jisung looks up from his phone the moment you climb into the passenger’s seat, clicking in your seatbelt (drive safe, kids). 

You immediately feel the need to snap a photo of Jeongin accidentally breaking the cafeteria’s door with the staff running towards him in a panic. They’re more scared for his life than the door itself and that’s… sweet to say the least but with the way that the embarrassed boy is glaring at you through the rear-view mirror, you decide to keep your lips sealed. 

“It’s getting dark so all hallways start to look the same, you genius.”

Jisung momentarily sticks his tongue out at you. “God, you’re so rude to me. You’d never talk to Felix like that.”

“Because,” you drawl. “Lix is a pure-hearted angel descended from the realms of Heaven. Whereas, even Lucifer would see you as an eyesore in hell.”

“See! You’re doing it again!” Jisung points a finger at you in accusation, jumping up and down in his seat but no one really cares. It’s not like you’re speaking any false facts. “Stop bullying me!”

Seungmin shifts his body a little, nose scrunched up at the noises that wake him right up. “Jisung,” he warns his friend without opening his eyes. “Sit the fuck down, you have five seconds.”

Felix smirks when Jisung immediately cowers, slumping and leaning himself against Hyunjin in utter defeat. He learned not to mess with Seungmin after throwing a wallet at him on impulse. “Jealous much, Han?” 

“Nah, she’s all yours bro,” Jisung waves it off tiredly; bickering and making fun of Felix’s gigantic crush on you is too much for his brain to process today. He can really use a long, solid twelve-hour summer hibernation after getting home. 

The statement prompts Felix to look over at you when there’s a red light—the same exact moment as you stop staring at the bakery from across the road to lock eyes with him. There’s a little spark igniting at the pit of his stomach, stirring up butterflies inside his rib cage. But he snaps out of it after seeing you raise a brow at him, implying a silent ‘what?’ before turning away again. Felix has always been the type to stare so you don’t bother to think about it too much. 

The problem is: he only stares at you that way. 

A shade of coral creeps its way up to his cheeks, his gaze averting back on the roads when the light turns green. As Felix tries to calm the erratic tempo of his heartbeat, he also thinks about how much time he’d have left to confess before high school is over and everyone takes their own different paths. Then again, the future is far too blurry for him to make out anything and the thought of changes petrifies him a bit too much. 

Felix wishes to hold your hand until the very end but he’s a little scared...because what if you never wanted to be with him in the first place?

two.

Your brother has one talent, and that’s his ability to irritate the living daylight out of you even when he’s practically on the other side of the planet.

Minho (un)fortunately finished his finals with flying colors, and inevitably, you’re the first victim to receive a series of texts that consisted of nothing but self-indulgent, excessive bragging. Basically, he’s allowed to do whatever slash go wherever for a good three weeks before his summer internship begins, dragging his dumb ass back to hell—where he rightfully belongs. 

He’s probably chomping on a terribly unhealthy amount of pizza, pretzels, and any type of New York street food that you can name from the top of your head. It’s not like he’s paying for them anyway since Chan doesn’t allow people to touch their wallets if they happen to eat out with him. 

Your phone vibrates obnoxiously on your desk, the judder slightly muffled because it’s lying on top of your wide-open psych textbook. You haven’t bothered with cleaning up yet; finals only ended yesterday and you decide that you won’t touch anything until the disarray starts to scrape against your nerves. 

Side note: you’ve specifically told everyone not to call you three consecutive days after finals because yes, you’re that much of a loner, and yes, your stamina level for tolerating human interaction is awfully low. 

Second side note: no one ever listens. 

“Good morning, this is Lee Minho’s personal bullshit pail,” you mumble after your thumb swipes against the screen to pick up, your limbs curled up on the floor. “How can I possibly help you today?” Your morning voice isn’t necessarily threatening but rather scary; according to what Minho claimed, it sounds identical to that creepy girl from The Grudge so he groans aloud, his voice suddenly going out of focus on the other line from pulling his phone away.

“Jesus Christ are you still in your hermit phase after finals?” he questions callously, sounding not at all pleased with the way you greeted him. “Where’s mom and dad? Usually, they would have slammed your ass by now for staying inside like a vampire.”

“Don’t be insufferable, it’s only like…” you trail off while bending forward to take a good look at the little Sumiko Gurashi alarm on your bookshelf that Felix gave you during middle school. “Nine thirty-something and they’re at the park to exercise, duh- why do you care?”

Your brother almost sings on the phone, “Because you’re my little baby sister-” And this prompts you to pull the device away for the sake of your poor ear. It doesn’t help when you’re already surrounded by a group full of obnoxiously loud individuals on a daily basis. Not trying to call anyone out but Han Jisung is at the top of the list, his name in bold, capital letters being circled and underlined multiple times with a red marker.

“Who do I gotta kill to sleep in on a dreadful Sunday morning as any normal, cranky, antisocial high school student would?” you deadpan and rub the bridge of your nose dreadfully. 

“I don’t know, go murder Jisung or something.” Honestly, that’s tempting… but no.

You can physically see the smug smile on his face right now, simpering in delight at your imminent misery. He knows goddamn well about your relationship with sleeping schedules and that’s the perfect excuse for him to ruin those little specks of time when your brain cells are getting an actual break. 

These are also the times when you wish phones don’t fucking exist. 

“By the way, are you gonna go on the field trip tomorrow?” 

This question wakes you up almost completely because your eyes are now wide as a fish’s out of water, your hand automatically putting him on speaker before digging through the folders inside your backpack. What field trip? No one said anything about a field trip. And who thought it’s a good idea to force some worn-out, post-exams, sleep-deprived students into a field trip right after finals?

Minho hums coyly when the only response he’s getting is the rustling sound from your backpack, “Hmm, see what I meant there, little sis? Oh, the downside of living under a rock at its finest.” He doesn’t have to be here for you to fully picture the way that his lips curl up, dark brows wiggling whenever he’s right about something. Your brother wins most of the time against other people but overtaking you is an entirely different story.

“Oh screw off and go buy yourself a sense of humor.”

“Don’t be so mopey, isn’t Felix gonna be there?”

“What does Felix have to do with this?” you grit after managing to pull out a piece of paper from the very back, buried under countless of your essays. And it reads ‘field trip’ in caps at the top with tomorrow’s date right beneath. The trip lasts for three days, you’re going camping with the grizzly bears for three days—a total nightmare, basically. 

“Pfft, you’re actually dense for someone with a sparkly report card,” he sneers. “That kid has been crushing on you since elementary school. Are the signals that fucked up?”

“You mean when I accidentally spilled orange juice over his head? Sure, bet that’s why he’s so head over heels for me,” you snicker, unfazed by these kinds of statements. Minho only knows Felix because he was the president of your school's dance club and you fully believe that your brother is simply trying to mess with your malfunctioning, cranky mindset. 

“I fucking beg to differ, he always stares at you like you’re the love of his life, even when you stupidly poked yourself with a needle,” Minho announces as if he’s a love expert, tsk, amateur. “He might just confess during the trip, who knows? Campfire flickering. Sharing the same s’mores. Surrounded by nature. That sounds romantically ideal to me for a confession.”

He’s visioning everything like a terrible cliché film where two high schoolers stubbornly deny their feelings for each other until they start noticing how cute the other person is while magically being forced to be alone together. The worst kind of high school movie—which is also almost every high school movie. And you best believe that you’d a hundred percent kick your brother’s ass off that director’s chair because people live and breathe for this kind of overused entertainment. Tragic. 

“Alright, fuck this, I’m out-“

“Wait!” Minho exclaims out of nowhere, almost blowing up your eardrums. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

You swear you’re rolling your eyes so hard, they’re about to fall out of their respective sockets. “Well, obviously,” you put the piece of paper down with a sigh, contemplating ways to minimize the amount of socializing in the upcoming three days. “Haven’t you bothered me enough? No?”

“You can’t leave me like this,” he whines in an annoyingly high-pitched voice that sends chills down your spine. 

“You need me, we’re connected.” 

He sounds like a whack version of Minnie Mouse for a second there, the kind of plushie that looks cute but with disturbingly creepy voice audio; no parents would let their children go near that aisle. 

You yawn as if there’s no tomorrow, stretching your limbs tiredly. “What I need is for you to shut the fuck up and leave me alone so I can go on my merry way to pick up snacks for this stupid field trip,” you utter lifelessly. 

“You hurt my feelings,” Minho pretends to clutch onto his chest and lets out a dramatic gasp, his voice doused in pure sarcasm. “What a heartbreaker, Y/N.” Said the one who always keeps his apathetic front up like a fortress’ wall and tosses every single love letter on Valentine’s Day into the recycling bin, handing the chocolate out to his classmates like he’s giving leftover vegetables to his least favorite relatives.

“Oh, I can tell,” you reply with fake enthusiasm and mock empathy. “You know how I can tell?”

“Do not finish th-”

“Cause we’re connected.” With that you hang up, slamming your phone harshly onto the surface of your textbook. 

three. 

You might love your room a little too much, it’s getting somewhat unhealthy.

It was furnished with a rather meager budget after your family moved out of your hometown when you stepped into elementary school. Things stay the same, well, most of it as time passes by you unknowingly. Your sad bookcase used to exist for one sole purpose—carrying countless books and plushies has now been upgraded with too many polaroids of your dumb group of friends, a neatly framed photo of Class of 2020 and two trophies that don’t even belong to you since Minho ran out of space as he kept participating in random dance competitions. 

The morning beams find their way through your white curtains and stain your walls with patches of yellow, eventually bugging your vision until you successfully convince yourself to either 1) wake up and get ready for school or 2) lazily stride across your room to shut the blinds completely so you can head back to bed. It’s summer… so option one is temporarily non-existent for a solid three months. 

Hey, you’re just simply making up for those all-nighters with a new cup of coffee every two hours.

Speaking of your bed, it’s soft but takes up so much space to the point that Hyunjin keeps complaining about not having enough room for his legs when he’s sprawled across the floor with Jisung, vigorously focusing on a presentation’s outline. Seungmin calls you lame for not throwing away your childhood plushies and letting them hog at least one-third of your bed, but Felix doesn’t mind since he always needs something to hug. All the more reasons why you can only trust Felix.

You might miss having those idiots being loud and invading your personal space...maybe.

Your phone rings for the second time that morning when you’re walking downstairs, shoving your keys into your pocket and grabbing a protein bar on the counter. “I’m not in the mood for your bullshit right now, Minho,” you bark into the device, chewing on your breakfast aggressively, not bothering to look at the caller’s ID.

The closest convenience store is only twenty minutes away from your house but there’s a sticky note on the fridge from your mom, reminding you that she needs eggs to bake cupcakes for her company’s twentieth anniversary while your dad is running low on his Red Bulls. Basically, you’re in distress. It’s not like your dad should be inhaling those sugary drinks on a daily basis and your mom can just buy premade goods from the bakery. But there are more options for snacks at the supermarket…

“Y/N, the fuck?” The response of a voice as deep as the Pacific ocean almost makes you choke on air. “Did I wake you up or something?” Felix sounds flabbergasted on the other line, slightly taken aback. You almost feel bad because he’s the only sweetheart in your chaotic squad (besides Chan, obvi) except when he stays up late gaming with Hyunjin, pleading for your notes the next morning with puppy eyes.

“No, Minho did,” you grumble before tossing the wrapping into a bin.

“You don’t say,” Felix replies flatly, but his voice soon grows merry again after pushing the topic of your brother aside. “Oh, and I’m coming over to return your earphones, wanna grab breakfast?”

He practically lives ten minutes away from you, sees you almost every day even if it’s the weekend since he can’t stay in the same house with his sisters for too long and puts you on FaceTime every night to prevent himself from slacking off on assignments. The only time he didn’t get to see you for a week straight was when he visited Australia and accidentally dropped his phone into the ocean. It was a rough week without you nagging him for doing something stupid. Fundamentally, he’s merely making up more excuses to spend time with you after finals.

Chuckling, “Only if you’re treating me, I’m about to go broke from buying snacks for our field trip tomorrow.” you say breezily. 

And you’re only telling him that because he might just pay for your snacks as well since Felix Lee eats freshly grilled steak and mashed potato for breakfast. Baffling, absolutely. Plus, he works at a boba shop every summer either way and he would never hesitate to spend the entirety of his paycheck on any of his close friends. Irrelevant but the point is: you kinda don’t wanna go out alone today.

Or you’re just in the mood to go with Felix. That’s a useless statement since you both see each other at least ten out of twenty-four hours per day. 

“By the way, you know what I just realized?” Felix smacks his palm on his forehead. “This is our last field trip, like ever.”

Walking over to the rack of shoes down the hallway, you let out a large exhale. “That’s unfortunate on your behalf. I, on the other hand, don’t have a problem with that,” you tell him with zero consideration, your brain cells too busy picking out a pair of shoes to process the five basic steps to empathize with another human being. 

“No,” he emphasizes helplessly. “I meant, it’s like our last high school field trip. We’re graduating next year, no time to sleep with the grizzly bears again.”

You can only manage to utter, “Oh.” Shit, college is right around the corners. 

“Jesus fucking Christ what the hell am I supposed to do after high school? Stay here? Go abroad? Wait, aren’t applications for going abroad supposed to be turned in a year beforehand? Why are you only telling me this now!?” 

Felix laughs wholeheartedly through the phone, amused at your sudden outburst. “Y/N, calm down. You’re going to college, not prison,” he brushes it off casually but in a way, college is technically prison. Slaving over a degree while working part-time jobs, chasing time relentlessly like you’re driving in the middle of a foggy night with one headlight out. And you’re forced to open up with more strangers. It’s terrifying, actually terrifying. And you’re not the type to be easily terrified. 

Now come to think about it, you don’t get why you were so pressed about it five seconds ago. It’s a good opportunity not to leech off your parents as much, like dabbling, taking one baby step at a time into adulthood. After that, you’ll graduate again, probably settle somewhere with an adequate job and find someone, starting to think about having ki-

Hold up, you’re going too far. You’re barely a senior. 

“I guess we’ll just have to make the most out of this summer,” Felix’s voice snaps you back to the surface of Earth faster than a tick of a clock. “We’re outside, by the way. Open up.”

That fast? Furrowing your brows, you hang up to slip into a pair of sneakers before sprinting to the front door. Wait, your hand freezes as it grazes the doorknob. We?

Not again. 

“Why the fuck..” you cracks a lifelessly crooked smile after pushing the door wide open. “..are you here?” It’s only ten in the morning, and you don’t think you should be screaming at the top of your lungs to be jumped on by the whole neighborhood.

Felix takes a step back, a little scared for his life. “Uhh, to return your earphones?”

“No, no,” you run a hand through your hair tiredly. Just when you thought this day was gonna be peaceful. “I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about them. Since when was this an agreement? How dare-“

“Why yes, I missed you too!” Jisung exclaims like the little shit he is, throwing an arm over your neck to ruffle your hair. No one ruffles your hair without getting their ass slammed- except for Minho. “Why the long face? Let me guess, until this exact second, you thought there’s a fucking squirrel, a lama, a dog, and a kitten standing at your front porch? No, it’s us, your Forever BFFs.” He’s one of the reasons why you refuse to understand the humans’ language sometimes.

With a harsh shove from you, Jisung staggers backward only for Hyunjin to prevent him from rolling like a ball in the middle of your neighborhood. “One more word and I’m telling the whole class who your crush is,” you threaten, earning an involuntary snort from Seungmin. 

“I hate to admit this, but she might actually say yes if he makes the first move.”

Hyunjin supplies unconstructively, “That’s why he didn’t ask.”

“You know what, Hwang,” Felix says with a smirk tugging at his lips, bumping his fist against Hyunjin’s without turning his head. 

“Oh screw all of you.” Jisung’s getting all the attention he wanted this early in the morning yet he still feels like a loser. Perhaps he should try shutting up once in a while. 

four.

“Thanks for giving me a ride, uncle, you really didn’t have to,” Felix says generously from your dad’s back seats, scratching the nape of his neck as though this is the first time he’s ever shared a ride with you. 

He’s too humble sometimes you just want to smack him across the face with a pillow to stop being so formal with your dad. Heck, Felix downright called him ‘dad’ by accident once during a Christmas dinner back in middle school and your dad even encouraged him to keep addressing him like that. 

Not to mention, Felix is chomping on a turkey sandwich that your mom made this morning specifically for him after finding out that his parents are currently out of town and there's nothing but ramen in the cabinet. God forbids her to starve the same kid who helped your dad fix his bumper. So really, he should be expecting these things by now. 

“Oh it’s not a big deal, you’re too nice,” your dad laughs as he pulls over to your school’s front gate, careful not to run into that one really tall, ugly tree. You’re lowkey paranoid that people might die if it collapses during a storm or something. “Perhaps you can return the favor by getting a drink with me sometimes.”

Felix blinks numerous times, slightly gobsmacked. “...but I’m not old enough to drink yet.”

“Correct answer.” And you snicker when your dad turns around to toss a wink at your friend’s direction. “Doesn’t mean that I’m forbidding you kids have fun,” he clarifies upon the baffled expression on Felix’s face. “But not too much fun, got it?”

“Okay, okay dad, I’ll see you in three days,” you shake your head before climbing out of the car. “Don’t starve the cats while I’m gone. Oh! And Soonie still needs his lactobacillus-“

Your dad brushes it off with a sheepish smile, “I’ll leave it to your mom, muffin, I can’t even remember which dry food is for which cat. I also don’t think they’ll be starving anytime soon, those little demons are getting quite fat actually since your brother spoils them all the time.” You can only give him a mere eye-roll because as much as he claims to hate having pets, there have been countless times when you caught your dad red-handed trying to tuck the cats into bed in the middle of the night. 

Felix soon catches up with your steps after bidding him farewell, crumpling the sandwich wrapper in his palm. “Wait up, muffin,” he says breathlessly with a few skips, starting to think about not skipping dance practice again this summer before his body gets out of shape. 

“Shut up,” you grumble, followed by a harsh elbow jabbed into his side. Felix grunts in pain, slowing down a little but still tries to walk side by side with you nonetheless. “You don’t deserve that complimentary breakfast, I’m telling mom to cut your portion off next time.” 

“Ah! Come on, muffin! You’re being mean.”

Your biggest fear has inevitably come true—after all those years of erratic mood swings and other weird things puberty puts you through, Felix still makes fun of you for the nickname that your parents came up with on your first day of school. It doesn’t help with the fact that he meets them quite often too. Like four out of seven days a week since your parents love coming over to each other’s house for dinner. 

“Flip that scowl upside down now, will you?” Felix cups your cheeks and squishes them together, attempting to make your smile by tugging at the corners of your lips. “Aren’t you excited about the trip?”

You scoff at him, “Are you even hearing yourself? My entire existence reeks off ‘excitement’ 24/7.” 

“That’s bullshit.”

“I’m not responsible for whatever happens next to your face.”

But when you reach up to peel his hands away, you’re bound to make a grave mistake by looking straight into his eyes. The morning light hits his face at the right angle and it makes him look like a puppy—which you wouldn't mind starting at all day. Although it’s not like you haven’t got a good look at him before, something’s different today. From the way his irises twinkle gently like thousands of celestial bodies to how his freckles scattered across his cheekbones like the remaining bits from a supernova, his full lips with a prominent Cupid’s bow and his cute crooked teeth. 

You know all of these things; perhaps you’ve never put too much thought into them before. Not when you’re constantly facepalming at him for doing stupid TikTok dances and trying to eat a banana with its peel on. But now when you actually acknowledge them, your heart momentarily skips a beat. Or two. 

Doesn’t matter, you hate this feeling either way. 

“Get a room, this is disgusting to watch.” 

Seungmin steps in between you two with his backpack slung over his shoulders, hands resting on his hip like he’s babysitting you and your biological parents don’t pay him enough for this tedious job. But Felix is too busy making sure that his eyes aren’t malfunctioning when he sees a pink tint on your cheeks to focus on whatever nonsense Seungmin is spewing at him. 

“Get on the bus, losers! Y’all are embarrassing me!” Hyunjin yells as he plants a foot onto the bus, trying his best not to be subtle about the fact that all of your classmates have already been seated. 

You can practically see Jisung making weird faces from the window and next to him is a very cranky-looking Jeongin with his earbuds plugged in, deciding not to tolerate any chit-chatting this morning. It’s a shame how the school’s always on a low budget when it comes to transportation; consequently, some random freshmen got squeezed in with your class. 

So you elect to ignore your friend’s questionable behaviors (sometimes you wonder what he’s on to be this zealous at six in the morning) and grabs Felix's hand to climb onto the vehicle before coach Kim kicks your ass for slowing the schedule down. 

As you shuffle down the narrow aisle, you quickly realize there are only two seats left at the very back—basically, you feel a little guilty for not getting a good spot for Felix but he doesn’t seem to mind because he taps you on the shoulder lightly, signaling for you to move.

“Ugh, I wanna go home,” you sigh, slumping into your seat after tucking your backpack neatly on the small compartment above. 

“You’re boring,” Felix comments flatly but he’s partially glad that he got to sit with you instead of some blabberer. “Need this?” Fishing his earphones out of his backpack, he wiggles the banana milk case in front of your face. 

You only nod lazily at the offer, causing him to huff in disbelief before slipping in a side of his AirPods into your ear. You both have pretty similar taste in music so you don’t mind when he puts one of his playlists on random and Fly Me to the Moon bleeds into your eardrums. The soft melody makes you yawn a little, eyelids getting droopy. 

“Tired.” Is the only warning Felix gets before you decide to drop your head onto his shoulders, slipping your arm around his torso comfortably like it’s a pillow. You personally don’t do cuddles but since he’s into those things and smells nice—very fruity, somewhat musky too, you might as well take advantage of that with the hope of sleeping throughout the entire ride. 

“What is wrong with you today?” he asks with glowing cheeks. 

“Shh shh, I’m recharging my battery.”

Felix is a little flustered, to say the least. But instead of complaining about your sudden clinginess, he rests his head on top of yours like second nature, allowing his childhood song to drown out some of the background chatters. 

You should really be clingy more often… though he’s not gonna risk his pearly white teeth by telling you that. 

five. 

Your school actually knows how to manage money in a smart way. Shocker, you know. 

You are thrown off upon hearing that no one needs to worry about the grizzly bears, or wolves (hey, one can never be too careful) because everyone gets to share a log cabin with a maximum of three other people. 

In fact, the camp counselors have confirmed that even though they’re throwing a bunch of inexperienced, dumb high schoolers smacked in the middle of the wilderness, there’s really nothing to do other than boring team-building exercises...and fishing. In other words, the only creature that can somewhat do harm to you is mosquitoes. 

It’s been pouring nonstop when your classmates tried to set up the campfire with coach Kim screaming into their eardrums last night, no wonder those little shit are thriving to make your life more miserable—they’re in their element, reproducing at a terrifying pace. 

“Jesus Christ, Y/N!” 

Hyunjin clutches a hand to his chest in both relief and terror after realizing the curled up figure sitting by the window is just you. He steps inside the cabin completely and flings his wet bangs away from his face, shoving the umbrella in his hand into a stand by the shoe rack. “You look like shit, are you okay?” he furrows his brows, slightly concerned about your eyebags and the way your lips crack from dehydration.

A soulless smile finds its way to your face. “I’m pretty sure ‘shit’ and ‘okay’ aren’t supposed to be in the same sentence but thank you for asking, I appreciate it.”

Here’s another downside to being a homebody: you can’t fucking sleep on any other beds that aren’t yours. And surprisingly that two-hour nap on the bus wasn’t enough to fuel you for the rest of the trip. But lucky you, it’s most likely going to keep raining cats and dogs and trash pandas for the rest of the day. Outdoor activities are no longer mandatory and you can almost hear your non-existent muscles crying in sheer joy. 

“Drink,” Hyunjin sighs at your pathetic state and decides to toss a water bottle in your direction. 

However, all you do is retrieve your limbs deeper into Felix’s fluffy blanket since he refused to use the grey one that’s draped over every bed beforehand. You’re far beyond grateful for that because those fading, questionable-looking stains just scare the crap out of you. And also because the fluffy blanket smells like him; you rest your case.

“You were knocked out for the entire bus ride, so why the hell can’t you fall asleep on a decent bed?” Shaking his head, Hyunjin plops himself onto Jisung’s bed like a potato, accidentally knocking over the neatly folded pile of clothes. He really doesn’t give two flying fucks about the fact that his friend spent an excessive ten minutes to organize his stuff so coach Kim won’t be barging into their cabin with a megaphone at five in the morning again. 

“She can only fall asleep on Felix, that’s why.” You roll your eyes in the bitchiest way possible, not bothering to chuck the abandoned water bottle at the unwanted guest of this terrific conversation. 

Hyunjin almost lets out a shriek when Seungmin jolts up from his bed, hair messy, a leg sticking out from his comforter. “You know, until this exact moment, I thought that you were dead or something.”

“What I’m trying to say is,” Seungmin elaborates as he bends over to reach for his glasses with squinted eyes. “There’s a 99,9% that Felix will make the first move but at the same time, it doesn’t mean the other 0,01% won’t happen so you,” he jabs his index finger towards you. “Better be doing something other than walking around camp like a zombie.”

Hyunjin tilts his head in confusion. “Since when was this even a thing?” You’re this close to have a permanent hand imprint on your forehead for facepalming every two seconds with your idiotic friends around. 

“Uhh, since forever?” Seungmin feels the need to voice out. “Listen, since the day Y/N spilled orange juice on Felix’s favorite shirt, the amount of times they’re forced to be together has risen tremendously. And when their parents found out their families live like ten minutes away from each other, they practically see each other every single day. Even outside of school. They tolerate each other, meaning the dynamic is long-lasting. Their bonding encouraged friendship.” 

“But we’re her friends too?”

A deep breath. “No, their friendship was incited to grow into something bigger, more profound because Felix has a special ‘click’ with Y/N that he doesn’t with us. God, Hyunjin, it’s been what, almost a decade! How could you not see it?” Seungmin says with expressive hands, almost yanking every strand of hair off of his head. It’s too early for this, his brain is about to implode. Hwang Hyunjin being dense just feels like a metaphoric chokehold to him. 

“Y/N,” Hyunjin simply ignores his frustrated friend to look over at you slipping into your sneakers. “You’re being uncharacteristically non-hyperverbal.”

“That’s because she’s about to either shut the door in my face then find Felix or kick my ass and then find Felix,” Seungmin informs with a yawn, and this prompts you to muster a fake smile. 

Oh, I’m fucking livid. 

“You know me too well.”

He questions with heavy irony, “I’m sorry did you just agree with me?”

“Oh no, no, I take that back,” you brush him off. “Is Felix still outside fishing?”

“I think so?” Hyunjin replies while running a hand through his hair in mere distress; Felix’s competitiveness goes a little mayhem sometimes when it comes to Jisung being better than him at something since they’re so close. That’s one of the sole reasons why Felix always manages to maintain his flying GPA because Han Jisung procrastinates like no other but still tops his class every single semester. 

“I didn’t find him at the lake, though, wonder where he went.”

You widen your eyes, somewhat alarmed since it’s almost lunchtime, and Felix Lee never, and you mean never, ever let himself skip a meal. He always gets a nice nap after stuffing his face with enough good food too, so that’s a bonus. But that’s not the point, the point is: you’re starting to get a little worried because he’s been fishing all morning, wandering alone in the wilderness without a camp counselor. 

You’d better not find him sleeping with the fishes. 

six.

Maybe you were right, maybe Felix is a dumbass.

Because listening to his ego and coming back to the lake after breakfast was a horrendous idea. 

It’s such a pity how those weird-looking vehicles have stopped driving around camp the moment it started pouring outside. Heck, he didn’t even bring an umbrella after asking the coach to check today's forecast. 

So tragically, he’s now stuck underneath the canopy of a cafe ensuing coursing his way through the water blizzard and seeking refuge but can’t walk back to his cabin where his cabin-mates are probably having the time of their life drinking hot chocolate and nibbling on hand-picked fruits.

Felix exhales in torment while gazing outside, everything’s completely white-out thanks to droplets of raining streaking the horizon. Perhaps dashing back might be his one solitary option, but shivers soon run up his spine again, reminding him that he’s probably looking like a wet rat—his black Converse sodden, water seeping through the thin fabric of his uniform, numbing his skin. 

Ruffling his wet fringe, Felix’s hand fishes inside his pocket to look for his phone only to realize that it’s not there. “Shit...great..just great, today is my lucky day.” Even if the camp counselors didn’t confiscate all the electronic devices, there wouldn’t be any service in the middle of the woods either. Splendid. 

“Ugh, Y/N,” he groans under his breath. “Why did you let me do this?”

“Shit.”

 “AHH!”

Felix shrieks upon the tiny voice squeaking out from behind him. And he sighs in pure relief to see a little girl standing mere inches away, looking no more than a seven-year-old dressed in a yellow raincoat. “Hey kid,” he chuckles and crouches down to her eye level. “Where are your parents? You’re not supposed to be out here alone when it’s pouring like crazy.” 

And to his dismay, “Shit,” the little girl giggles, finding a new profound interest in the curse word that he accidentally spewed out seconds ago. 

“Shh shh,” Felix frantically places an index finger on his lips while darting his eyes around in terror—he might be sued if her parents found out how their daughter picked up a bad word from some random high schooler. Suddenly he feels bad for his future kids. “No, no, we can’t say that. It’s forbidden. What’s your name?”

“Mina,” she answers cutely and fiddles with the ends of her braids. “Who’s Y/N? Is she your girlfriend?”

Felix chokes on his own saliva. “...no, why would you say that?”

“I don’t know, my dad always calls my mom’s name when he messes things up.”

“What does that have to do with- oh, shit,” he facepalms himself. This kid is going to give him a cardiac arrest any second now. “It doesn’t matter if she’s my girlfriend or not, what matters is I need to get you back to your parents. Do you know where they are right now?”

Mina simply shakes her head with a pout. “Okay, let’s go find them then,” he can’t help but cracks a smile, ruffling her hair endearingly. Most kids would be bawling their eyes out by now knowing that they’ve strayed from their parents; she’s a tough one. 

Felix gently grabs Mina’s hand, biting down on his lower lip as he prays that a cold doesn’t catch up to him tomorrow and ready to dash out of the canopy that’s been keeping him dry for the last hour or two. But then a figure comes into view from afar, holding an umbrella while squinting their eyes through the thick streaks of rain. 

“Y/N..?” he mutters to himself in disbelief when you quickly skip underneath the canopy, collapsing the red umbrella in your hands. Felix recognizes that umbrella anywhere—isn’t that Hyunjin’s? Have you been looking for him? And for how long too?

“Didn’t even think about bringing an umbrella, smartass,” you say with a raised eyebrow. “Oh dear, who do we have here?” Before Felix can defend himself in vain with lame excuses, you’ve already taken your attention off him to stare at the unfamiliar presence. Your intense gaze scares Mina a little, causing the little girl to squeeze Felix’s hand, hiding behind his leg. 

Your friend laughs, patting her little head in reassurance. “Mina, this is Y/N, my classmate. Don’t let her intimidate you.”

“Are you really going to bother with this little one?” you scrunch your nose a bit. “We’re having pork rib soup, by the way, better hurry if you don’t want Han to hog your portion all to himself.”

Felix rolls his eyes at how utterly apathetic you are towards children. If you can get a perfect A in calc then why is it so hard to simply comprehend that every twelve-year-old needs to be returned to their hypothetical parents safely? “What part of ‘a common sense of morality’ can’t you understand?” 

“I don’t want to, actually, sounds like a lot of work,” you hum sarcastically. 

“Your girlfriend is scary,” Mina ensconces herself further behind your friend, officially detecting you as a threat rather than someone who will potentially bring her back to the cabin where her parents are probably flipping the whole place upside down in a panic—which is exactly what you’re planning to do. 

In your defense, you don’t detest kids in general. Only the bratty ones. And Mina is borderline bratty. 

“You know, I can spare her some time, Lost and Found is like..ten minutes away from here.”

“Y/N-” Felix wants to scream at you, rubbing the side of his temple in distress. Imagining you babysitting your neighbor’s newborn last summer with nine bucks per hour, ten hours per day, and five out of seven days per week is one of the few things that constantly keeps him from having a good night's sleep. It baffles him how you haven’t accidentally drowned the infant while giving her a bath. 

Mina gives the side of his jeans a tug, round eyes staring up at him expectantly. “Or we can get juice pops!” she exclaims happily and looks over to you, mustering her best puppy eyes. “Please? I don’t want to be alone..” 

“Twenty seconds ago, you called me scary and now you’re guilt-tripping me?” you crouch down to get a good look at the kid. Bright, innocent brown eyes, cute button nose, and a chipped front tooth—perhaps she’s a little too cute to not get her juice pops. 

Then, “And juice pops too? You evil mad mind genius,” you say after standing up to unfold Hyunjin’s umbrella, swinging it over the top of your head. “That’s extortion, kid, you’re too young for that.”

Felix breaks into a fit of giggles upon seeing you failing at trying to keep a straight face and steps in beside you under the umbrella. His next problem just pops up right then and there—Mina can’t squeeze in considering the umbrella that Hyunjin gave you is solely used for one person. 

“Mina, hop on here,” he decides to get on his knees, permitting the little girl to clumsily climb on his back and eventually plopping herself onto his shoulders. 

“Oh, oh, oh, can you two hold hands?” Mina suggests with a shit-eating grin on her face. This causes Felix’s cheeks to burn with a bright shade of red while you’re too busy throwing daggers at her with your eyes to notice. “My family does this all the time, my dad would carry me on his shoulders and my mom would hold his hand as we walk home after going to the park.”

You and Felix yell simultaneously, “We’re not your parents!!” But that doesn’t seem to scare the little girl. You’re both just encouraging her. 

“Yip yip, horsey, don’t be disobedient now,” she giggles to herself and pulls at a solid patch of Felix’s hair, making you cringe because his hair and scalp have already had enough from his questionable obsession with bright hair colors. 

“Ow! Mina! Stop it! Ow!”

“Okay quit torturing my friend,” you tell her and decide to slip your hand in with Felix’s, intertwining your fingers to secure the grip before showing it to Mina so that she’ll stop before any blood is drawn. “There, we’re holding hands just like your mommy and daddy, you happy?” 

Felix doesn’t say anything even when Mina nods happily, releasing her monstrous grip off his poor scalp. He only lets you tug him away from the canopy of the cafe as he gazes downward, eyes glued to how your hand fits into his perfectly. The sound of rain tapping against the umbrella suddenly bugs him, suffocating him in a way. In other words, it’s really unnatural to think this way about his best friend but he doesn't want you to let go at all. 

Everything seems to move faster when you’re holding onto his hand so certainly. Felix thinks you’re fully aware but try to fight off the voices that are taunting you to just drop it. And truth is, you can care less because your head is now far too fuzzy to focus on anything but the road ahead. 

You pray he doesn’t feel the pounding rhythm from your veins. If your red ears haven’t given it away already. 

seven.

Jisung has weird friends, that’s a fact. And no, you’re not talking about the gang that saved his ass every time he got into trouble aka you plus JeongMinLixJin. You’re talking about those kids from Class 2C that are mutual friends with Changbin.

Because the moment Jisung barges into the cabin and starts babbling nonsense that you can’t comprehend (not that you can comprehend any of his shit on the daily), you know that he just came back from a get together with those sketchy dudes who managed to sneak some booze inside a shampoo bottle.

“Uhm okay, who gave Felix alcohol?” he squints his eyes hard. 

You are more than aware that Jisung is mildly smashed by the way that his cheeks are tinted with a light shade of coral, hiccupping every ten seconds and slightly more clumsy with his feet. He almost tripped over the rug at the front door if it weren’t for Hyunjin who caught him in time so that he wouldn’t break one of his precious teeth. Those painful years of constantly slurping on watery porridge after every dentist appointment to tighten his braces shouldn’t be going down the drain. 

Speaking of bland rice water, that’s all Felix has been fed with after returning to camp because he has no choice. The sickness finally caught up to him as a result of staying outside for too long while still dressed in his rain-soaked uniform. Even under the cotton comforter, he’s radiating heat on the outside but stoically shivering on the inside, his energy level is as diminished as his appetite. 

The nurse said there’s really nothing that can be done but give him some pills and let him ride it out so now Felix’s all curled up in a corner of his bed, cheeks burning flush of fever, coughing and sneezing occasionally. He refuses to be moved to a completely separate cabin because sleeping alone in a confined place knowing that the grizzly bears might be roaming outside your door is quite frightening for a junior in high school. 

“God, what makes you think I’m the batshit drunk one here?” Felix croaks, his voice more hoarse and gruff than usual because every word pains him, his vocal cords pulse in agony at each syllable. And that sentence was probably the longest thing you’ve heard from him since dinner. 

Jisung lets Hyunjin toss him onto his bed, face down, and props himself up on his forearms. “Uhh, have you checked yourself the mirror?” he hiccups, words a bit slurred, palms outstretched in a grabby motion. “Seungmin, water- ow! What the fuck was that!?” 

He rubs the side of his head while babbling incoherently like a fucking five-year-old because Seungmin decided to chuck a water bottle at him. Those years of playing baseball during retreats indeed paid off. 

“I went for the head,” Seungmin looks up from his book calmly, acting innocent. 

Jisung whines and turns to his side, watching as the water bottle rolls back towards him after coming in contact with the wall. “God, I miss Minho. You guys suck,” he takes it before sitting right up but flops himself back down when a pang of pain claws at his temple. Who even allowed him to drink?

“Didn’t he make your high school experience miserable?” Hyunjin laughs, sitting down on the corner of his bed, legs curled into his chest. 

“Hello? That was me,” Seungmin clarifies, he sounds a little offended. “He called me a nerd for studying late at the library for our finals! Our fucking finals! Do you know how insecure my freshman self was? I was so hurt!” 

You cross your arms and mumble, “He’s the same guy who treated you ice-cream after finding out you got a B in physics.”

Hyunjin hums, butting into the topic, “And he made me do fifty push-ups because I unintentionally skipped a day at practice. Our Dance Club really didn’t need a president who effortlessly snatches the Asshole of the Year Award like he’s stealing candies from a kid.”

“Please, you’re practically buddies now,” you scoff. “You always play Mario Kart and rewatch the Avatar series with him, even during midterms!”

“Oh! Oh! Oh!” Jisung suddenly gets on his feet, jumping up and down like a maniac. You’re highly concerned for the bed by the creaking sound that it’s making—sounds just like something straight out of a horror film. “He almost threw a knife at me!”

You’re running out of excuses to defend your stupid brother at this rate. What’s the point in trying anyway? “Han, it was a plastic knife, chill.”

Jisung crawls off his bed to approach you, pinching his thumb and index finger together before shoving them to your face. “I was this close to dying! You try having someone threaten to throw a knife at you during lunch break,” he complains like it’s the end of the world. Truth is, you’ve seen (and experienced) worse things. 

“Minho’s still my brother.”

Staring at you, Jisung looks unimpressed. “He wanted to kill me because I commented on his puffy cheeks that day.”

“He’s adopted.”

The conversation is pulled to a halt right there when Felix does a full-body groan, his head spinning and sweats starting to collect at his hairline. With his mind buzzed like he’s floating, the bickering only adds to the pressure that’s squeezing each of his functioning brain cells. In other words, it feels as though Han Jisung is a fucking hamster going on a marathon across his body, nibbling on his limbs and ears as he’s going through a hangover, his immune system going on a rampage. 

Felix doesn’t even drink. 

“That’s my call for a bedtime story.” You glare at Jisung when he clears his throat while you’re attempting to tuck Felix into bed, pressing your palm against his forehead to check his temperature. It’s not climbing anymore, he should be okay after sweating everything out. 

Hyunjin pulls his friend back onto his bed, locking his limbs in tight before he waddles around and potentially breaks one of those decorative pieces on the bookshelf. “Not to burst your ego, but I don’t think you’re sober enough to give us a good story,” he says unapologetically. 

“Puh-lease,” Jisung lets out the weirdest chuckle at that, wagging his forearm like those Japanese ceramic cat figures that are supposed to bring people good fortune; and Han Jisung is notorious for bringing people anything but good fortune. “They didn’t even have vodka, only Strongbow. That shit is too weak for me.”

You snort involuntarily, “Actually, I think you meant you’re too weak for those bottles of cider.”

“Wow, Y/N, what a snake.”

eight.

The bonfire crackles, flaring up to life when coach Kim tosses a lit matchstick into the pyramid pile of branches and woods. The flame projects long shadows of the trees all round along, swirling and curling in obscure shapes with the high schoolers that each hugs their own cup of hot cocoa, chomping on their marshmallows of choice. 

Glowing embers beneath are colored by the inferno that seems to be moving with the rhythm and melody of the song that they’re all singing along, drumming their feet and bobbing their heads simultaneously. 

“Are you guys sure you don’t want to join them?” Felix says apologetically after sneezing into a piece of tissue, his nose all red and swollen. “I can just… I don’t know, read a book or something.”

When he refers to those oddly colorful and rather bulky-looking books on the shelves, Seungmin immediately stops putting a cookie inside his mouth midway. “Those are called ‘aesthetically useless interior decoration’, Lix. Good luck trying to open those plastic blocks,” he expresses with his hands after stuffing the cookie into his mouth, chewing rather aggressively. 

Felix feels quite bad because, for all he knows, Hyunjin and Seungmin have been planning on going kayaking today and trying out volleyball tomorrow. You’re all going home in two days yet they’ve done nothing but pigging out in pure distress. “Still, it’s a summer camp, you all should be out there having fun, not stuck inside to look after me while tolerating...that,” he quietly looks over at Jisung who just exited the bathroom after splashing his face with some water. 

At least he doesn’t look crazy and homeless now. 

“How are they doing that again?” you join Hyunjin as he rests his head lazily on his forearms, staring outside from the cabin’s window like Rapunzel in an alternative universe where Flynn Rider managed to escape the tower with the crown, leaving her behind longing for civil human interactions in vain. 

“They sing..” he drawls. “And turn their heads to look at each other in the eye.”

You wave it off absentmindedly, falling on your back so now your head is hung upside down from the bed, your arms dangling midair. “Well, that sounds exhausting,” you mumble, ignoring the way that Seungmin is internally judging you. 

Hyunjin sighs, “Never one for sentiment, are you?”

“Easier to let it burn,” you answer flatly, sitting upright when blood starts rushing to your head. 

“Don’t feel bad,” Seungmin immediately forces a smile at Felix. “We’re not really into sitting with a bunch of idiots just to enjoy a mildly decent hot cocoa either way.”

Suddenly the lights go out, and Felix immediately curls himself further into the blanket, a little thrown off. Jisung’s face comes into view out of nowhere when he makes a grab for the oil lamp that no one seems to take notice of, lighting it up with a single match. “C’mon, kids, no bonfire is complete without a good ghost story,” he crosses his legs on the floor happily, still somewhat tipsy so his body is bouncing in excitement with occasional hiccups. 

Hyunjin and Seungmin exchange questionable looks before scrambling to the floor, settling themselves a few solid inches in front of the oil lamp with a sigh while you only shrug at Felix, propping your head onto your hands. Laziness is starting to hold you hostage on Hyunjin’s bed at this rate. 

Seungmin spares Jisung a slight glare, “Better not bullshit us with the same one that you heard at school-”

“No,” Jisung’s lips morph into something similar to a smirk, he looks concerningly confident for someone who’s utterly terrified after watching IT. And now he’s attempting to give his bros who are equally jumpy about everything and anything, you’re excited to see how this goes. “I heard this one from a camp counselor, true story.” You definitely don’t like the sound of that.

At first, the ghost was no more than a chill in the air, a shimmer of mist to the common eyes. Through the heavy rain and fog that seeps through people’s skin, chilling the core of their bones, it slowly came into focus. It wasn’t until the camper found refuge under a canopy of an abandoned café that it congealed into a form—a small child with brilliant round eyes, dressed in white clothing. 

For a moment, all was silent and still. It was as though the camper got hypnotized, feet planted to the ground. Then, he could hear a small lullaby in a cheerful voice. 

“Oranges and Lemons say the bells of St.Clements…” They know how that one ended. 

Suddenly someone blows out the candle, but Jisung’s voice still rings in your eardrums. “When the camper took a step back, the ghost spoke again, this time with the voice almost of a smoker and grin…” You can feel Hyunjin hop back to bed with you in a tick of a clock, holding onto you for dear life with the infrequent whimpers of fear. 

Jisung proceeds to continue, “The grin soon became a snarl, baring teeth like a wolf when it finished the lullaby…”

A muffled silence descends. And, “Have you come to play…?”

“AHHH!!” Felix lets out a petrified shriek, but what confuses you is the sound of Jisung grunting rather in pain. Seungmin sighs in disapproval, flickering the lights on while leaning back against the wall. 

And now before your eyes is a slightly traumatized, feverish Felix with clattering teeth, quivering inside his blanket. Whereas, Jisung is sprawled across the floor, hugging his poor stomach, hacking up lungs. Deserve.

“This is why you don’t give people who can high-kick jump scares, dumbass,” Seungmin comments and crouches down in front of Jisung like his knight in shiny armors, letting a bottle of ointment dangle between his fingers. “Put this on, bet it’s already bruising.”

Hyunjin releases his arms around you and walks towards the freckled boy who looks like he’s about to slip into a coma. “Lix, are you okay?” he knits his brows together, starting to feel somewhat concerned. 

Felix only waves it off with a raspy laugh, standing on wobbly legs with his blanket still wrapped around his figure. “I’m fine, I’ll just go wash my face.” Truth is, he’s anything but fine. And it doesn’t help when he accidentally has a glance of his own reflection in the body-length mirror from across the cabin—his hair is sticking to his forehead, his face is slightly more puffy than usual, and his eyebags look like he hasn’t slept in decades—he looks worse than a trash can, basically. 

“Hyunjin,” you raise a brow at your friend’s current state.

“What?”

“Catch him.”

“Huh-” Hyunjin snaps his head back when a loud thud is heard, eyes growing twice as big in sheer panic upon the sight of Felix laying on his stomach, mere inches away from his feet. “Felix!!” Your friends rush to his side while you’re too busy checking the thermometer by his nightstand. The temperature doesn’t seem to be too alarming, he should be fine after sleeping and sweating it out. But really, Felix looks more like he’s having the nap of a lifetime rather than passing out from the worst fever of the century. That doesn’t stop everyone from freaking out, unfortunately. 

Also, everyone can agree that this is the first and last storytime to ever happen.

nine.

Felix sits on the beach, eyes moving from sand to stone, from rock pools to breaking waves. He lets out a sigh, an exhale of relief when a breeze passes by him, tousling his hair as he buries his feet deeper into the primrose-colored grains. The briny aroma that exists in every fiber of air makes him feel at ease, as though unknotting all his angsty-teenager worries with grace. He feels a bit better, partially because his fever has already gone down when he shook you out of your half-asleep state at four in the morning. 

“Why?” you ask without turning your head after sensing his tense posture.

Felix looks confused, a little startled when you break the silence. “Why what?”

“Why the long face?” you unknowingly exhale too, stubbornly gazing forward. “Thinking about something?” For some reason, you’re too...scared to even spare him a small glance. This isn’t you, did his fever rub off on you or something?

To your dismay, his sudden inquiry catches you off guard. “High school is going to be over in a year, have you thought about what to do?” 

You open your mouth to protest with something along the line of he’s overthinking again and there’s still an entire year ahead to make new memories but when you’re about to utter the first word, your mouth automatically snaps itself close. It’s like you have an entire masterpiece planned out in your mind but when someone tosses you a blank canvas, you’re standing there in defeat like the biggest idiot. Felix is serious this time, you know it’s not because he’s lightheaded after riding out the fever. 

“Honestly?” you breathe out. “No, I haven’t. God, I don’t even want to think about it, the future scares me a little.”

Upon the mossed rock and vibrant horizon, comes the sun rays that are promised by the starlit sky. It makes you both a little breathless, not exchanging a single word nor moving a muscle for a while. 

Until, “Fine, it scares me a whole lot,” you confess, gaze cast downward as you hug your legs closer to your chest. “It sucks because everyone seems to have their lives together, Jisung is finally taking his interest in music seriously, Hyunjin is planning on being an actual theater kid, and Seungmin is...I don’t know, but he’s definitely onto something. Point is, everyone is already one too many steps ahead of me, I’m just..here, stuck. And I don’t feel like I have-”

“A lot of time left.” Felix finishes your sentence, prompting you to look at him this time. His delicate features shine under the cracking lights of dawn, starry eyes twinkling and lips outstretched into the smile that you absolutely adore. He has such a contagious type of smile that it makes you feel a little less dead inside whenever you see it. But your heartbeat also grows a little more ecstatic. 

A hearty chuckle. “You’re not alone, you know,” he says while not breaking away from the eye contact, this makes your throat grow dry. “I still have so much to do, so much to...say yet too little time. So yeah, don’t think about it too much, I’m never gonna leave you behind no matter what.”

You have to hold back a playful scoff at that; and to think he was the one who brought up this sappy topic. “If anything, you’re the overthinker in this relationship,” you tell him with a nudge on his rib. “But if you’ve already had my back, then you should know that I’ll always have yours too.”

Because what would you do without an overthinker like Felix? Drowning your sorrow by stress-eating in the middle of the night? Bottoming out on questionable drinks to end up like Han Jisung? Winging every single important choice that can potentially flip your life upside down in either a good or bad way? Not in a million years. He knows that you need him as much as he needs you, harsh truth but you still hate it either way.

You both don’t look forward to the future, like at all. 

You’re too apathetic and overall just a big ‘meh’ about it. You’re the type of person that goes with the flow, letting life toss you around like a ragdoll until you finally snap at some point to fight back because you know where the line between giving up and knowing that you’ve had enough is. Meanwhile, Felix is rather anxious about things. If a piece of paper with a pencil can draw out the map of his entire destiny ahead then he’ll have it finished in one night. But he’s grown out of his middle school self to know that things don’t always go as planned.

Guess if things turn out to be shit, you’ll still have him.

“Does that mean if we’re still single in our thirties, you’ll marry me like how our parents always joke about?” Felix cracks a shit-eating grin this time, one that makes your heart swell but for the most part, you wanna whack him unconscious with a pillow. 

You sneer in return, “Sure, but you’ll have to fall for me first.”

There’s a pang in Felix’s chest, it’s so loud and evident that he’s afraid you might hear it. You really didn’t have to slap him in the face with that seemingly harmless statement. “Hmm, who would even fall for a stubborn hermit crab like you?” he jokes to hide the nervousness that’s crawling upon his spine. His ears are probably bright red right now. “Although...that wouldn’t be a problem with me.” Because he’s already fallen for you, a little too hard actually.

“What does that even mean?” you only hum after questioning his statement, nothing makes sense right now since you’re getting a little sleepy because a certain someone wanted to watch the sunrise which simply lasted for about two minutes after two(ish) hours of waiting.

“I don’t know,” Felix laughs before standing up, dusting the sand off of his jeans. “You go figure it out, smartass.” With that, he runs off with his Converses dangling between his fingers, leaving you dumbfounded in the middle of the beach like a total dimwit. Slowly, within those five seconds of making eye contact with your best friend again, his words zero in on you like a wakeup call. 

Urgently grabbing your sneakers, you chase after him. “Hey- wait! GET BACK HERE!” By looks of it, you’ve probably figured it out now. It’s not like he’s trying to be subtle either.

Felix feels like he just gained strength from spewing out that indirect confession, and it gives him a tiny ray of hope that he still has his entire youth before his eyes to tell you how he really feels. Or his whole life if you don’t start resenting him for crossing the line that no one dares talk about when they have a thing for their best friend. 

Either way, as long as Felix sees your presence side by side with him at every ups and downs, he’s home. 

[p-artsypants]

I’ll Handle This (10)

In Which Marinette Says the Thing

I was the most excited about this chapter and had most of it written already. :)

Also, I bumped up the rating a bit because there’s extremely mild nudity in this chapter. 

(Ao3 | FF.net)

—

She looked fierce. Nails done, a cute, white skirt (that she hadn’t spilled her breakfast on!) and a red and white polka dot blouse. She was cute, she was hot, and she was ready to nab her man! 

Said man walked into class wearing...

Oh boy. 

A leather jacket, with no shirt underneath, a kilt, and knee high combat boots. There was not a single person that didn’t stare at him. 

“Sup nerds?” 

Nino entered with him, slightly chuckling, like he had heard a very funny inside joke. 

Marinette gawked at him. “Adrien...” 

“Aww! Pooh Bear! Look at how cute you are!” 

Marinette’s initial horror in his appearance turned into excitement. He called her cute! 

“Adrien, do we have to have this dress code talk again?” Miss Bustier sighed. 

It turned out he did have a shirt on under the jacket. A black button-up. He untucked the flaps, and buttoned them, unevenly, to cover his sweet sweet bod. “Better?” 

Miss Bustier shook her head, but urged him to sit down. 

“Soooo,” Alya asked, with a wiggling eyebrow. “Are you wearing that kilt...properly?” 

He grabbed the hem, squeezing his knees together to shuffle shyly. “You wanna see?” 

Marinette burst into color. “Adrien!” 

He laughed, “oh, I’m just kidding. I’m wearing boxers under this.” 

“Alright everyone, get in your seats, it’s time to start!” 

—

Marinette tried to do her very best to stay calm. But the very idea that a confession to Adrien would be happening today kept her distracted. 

She stared at him, watching as he scrawled notes...in Chinese? He really was an overachiever! 

The day passed in a crawl, Marinette fretting every minute. 

Then the lunch bell rang, and students began to pack up for break. 

“Adrien?” She blurted, her hands shaking. 

He turned and looked at her, grinning, and lowering his sunglasses to flash her half-lidded eyes. “You rang?” 

“Um...can we talk together? Er, go somewhere together to talk? I have something I want to tell you.” 

His grin turned into a full tooth smile. “Of course! Where to?” 

“Um...mom’s got stuff for sandwiches, if you want to come over.” 

“Sounds wonderful!” He packed up his bag, and then held out his hand for her. 

He wanted to hold her hand! Ah! 

Nervously smiling, she put her hand in his, and let him lead her from the room. 

At the risk of having a horribly awkward lunch, she took the lead, and led him upstairs to the slowly emptying third floor. 

“What’s up here?” 

“I...can’t wait anymore. If this makes things weird, you could probably catch up with Nino or the guys...” 

He very gently touched her cheek. “I told you I wanted to have lunch with you, and I will. So say whatever you have to say.” He took his sunglasses off and put them on his head. 

Marinette took a huge breath. “Now, I just need to know...who is the real you? Are you...is this who you are, and you were suppressing the rebellious, chaotic side? Or are you putting on a show?” 

He blinked at her, eyes wide. “Whatever do you mean?” 

“I mean...I support whoever you are. I want you to feel free to be you, and celebrate what makes you special, but...” she tucked some hair behind her ear, a nervous motion. “I just miss the boy I fell in love with.” 

“Marinette...” 

“I love you no matter what, though! I promise! I just...your kindness, your shy sweetness and honesty really captivated me. That day when you gave me your umbrella, and you went out of your way to apologize for the misunderstanding. You didn’t have to. I was the one that jumped to conclusions, but you wanted to make friends and get on the right foot with me. Your laughter, your smile...I was a goner.” She hugged the strap of her purse. “So this new version of you has been jarring, but...if I’ve been reading your signs right...?” 

He pulled her into a hug. “Oh Marinette. Sweet, kind, thoughtful Marinette. You’ve figured me out. This is all an act. Except my attitude towards you. I feel the same.” 

“You...love me?” 

“Yes. More than I can express.” 

She raised her head, tilting her chin and slowly closing her eyes. 

The gag kiss during truth or dare was one thing, but Adrien would kill Plagg if he kissed Marinette in earnest like this. 

Instead, he pressed a finger to her lips and smiled at her confused look. “Not yet. The timing isn’t right. If I could give you the world, I would. In fact, anything else, I’ll give it to you. You have my heart, and that will be yours as long as you want it. But I don’t think you want a relationship right now.” 

“I’m confused...” Marinette said, her lips trembling. 

“I want to protect you from my father and Lila. If I make you my girlfriend, they will try to hurt you to get to me. I’d hate to ask you to wait for me, since you’ve finally gotten the courage up to confess...but would you wait?” 

Marinette reached up to hold his face, letting her thumb pass reverently over his cheek. How had she gotten so lucky to fall for a man so thoughtful? So loving? 

“Adrien, I’d wait a hundred years to be with you. It’ll be our secret for now.” 

He kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted more from the conversation-“ 

“Just knowing my feelings are returned are enough. Thank you.” 

He took her hand again. “You still want to feed me sandwiches? Do I still deserve it?” 

“Of course you do...My Prince.” 

Plagg almost retched, but he schooled his face into an adoring grin before he faced her again. “That’s adorable!” 

“You like it?” 

“I love it!” It was just cheesy enough for Adrien. 

“Then that’ll be your nickname...in secret. No one else will know.” 

“I think you’ll come to find that our little secret will be so much more fun between us.” 

—

After lunch, Plagg and Marinette returned to school. They stopped holding hands as they approached the building, but they stood close and bumped each other coyly. 

The behavior didn’t go unnoticed by Alya or Lila. But Alya was the only one to confront them. 

“You two seem close,” she asked, twinkle in her eye. 

“Oh, we just had a very funny lunch together.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yep. Some great inside jokes. You had to be there.” Plagg sent a wink at Marinette and she seemed to swoon on the spot. 

Plagg let her go back to her seat, ignoring the whispering from the girls behind him. 

They thought he couldn’t hear them. He could. 

Nino bumped his elbow. “Everything cool dude?” 

“Absolutely. I’ll tell you later.” 

—

Later came after school, of course. The second Plagg and Nino were away from school property, Plagg blurted out, “I’m a genius. I got Marinette to confess her undying love for Adrien. Boo-yah!” 

“What?!” Nino shrieked. “Dude! She’s been trying to get that out for months! How on earth—no, wait. I know the answer.” 

“Confidence.” 

“And obvious flirting.” Nino scoffed. “Adrien always threw out the line, ‘you’re such a good friend’ in front of her. It was like wearing a big sign that said, ‘I will reject you!’” 

“I’m right here, you know,” Adrien said, poking his head out of Plagg’s jacket. “And to my defense, I was trying to be faithful to—“

Plagg covered his mouth before he could accidentally reveal Marinette as Ladybug. “No excuses, lover boy!” 

Thankfully, Adrien seemed to realize the mistake he almost made and nodded. “Fine, fine. I appreciate that you didn’t kiss her...again. So now what? Have we fulfilled that part of the contract yet?” 

“Not quite.” He held up the ring. A paw print with three pads faintly shone on the surface. “Once a condition is met, you’ll hear the ring give its telltale beep and a pad will disappear. Once the paw print completely vanishes...well, you’ll be back in your own body anyway.” 

“So...what do I need to do? She already confessed to me.” 

This was a conversation better had without Nino involved. Of course he was a bro, and would be helpful for things. But Ladybug’s identity should still remain a secret. 

“Nino...” Plagg began, with a drawl. “How much do you know about the birds and the bees?” 

Nino sputtered. “HA! BYE!” And he made an about face and hurried towards home. 

“Wait Nino!” Called Adrien. 

“We’ll meet up with you later!” Plagg sang after. 

Adrien looked to his body. “Please tell me you don’t have to...get up to some nasty stuff with my lady. Sure, it’s my body, but you’re like a bazillion years old and I was rather hoping to wait until marriage—“ 

“Calm down, Romeo. No, there’s not any hanky panky involved. I just needed to get Nino to leave without saying, ‘hey leave’. If he’s going to be suspicious, I need him on a whole other wavelength.” 

“Okay, so if there’s no horizontal tango happening, then what are we doing?” 

Plagg slipped the ring off his finger. “You need to spend time with her. Tell her or don’t. Just spend time with her outside of school and akumas and get to know her better. For an alibi, tell her that you haven’t been feeling well and you need to be in proximity of the Miracle Box. Then have her send her earrings to me so things stay even.” 

“Will she go for that?” 

“Probably. You know her better than I do.” 

“What about the ring? Don’t you need to wear it because we’re switched?”

“Nah. It should be alright for a little while. It should stay with my body though.” 

“Okay...I guess...I’ll go see Marinette.” 

“Have fun!” Plagg wiggled his fingers in a farewell and started walking to where Nino had disappeared. 

Nervous as all get out, Adrien fled to the bakery, trying to figure out what he was going to tell Marinette. 

When was it appropriate to come clean? How long should he wait? Should he blab at all? 

Soon, he was hovering above her trap door, and peering inside. Marinette sat at her desk, music playing as she worked on homework. Her head bobbed to some tunes. 

“Okay, she thinks you’re Plagg. So she’ll welcome you in and listen to what you tell her. And if she finds out you’re Adrien, then she loves Adrien and everything will be fine. Right? Right!” He psyched himself up. 

Using his poorly practiced phasing powers, he entered her room and came to float by her desk. “Hiya pigtails!” He chirped, in the typical Plagg style. 

She jerked, before turning to him. Her eyes landed on the ring and widened with surprise. “Why do you have that?! Is Chat okay?! What’s wrong?!” She stood, and nearly knocked over her chair. 

Even Tikki looked surprised. 

“Everything is fine!” He rushed to rectify. Then he remembered Plagg’s crafted lie. “Mostly. I haven’t been feeling very good, so I think I need to be closer to the Miracle Box for a little bit. I brought the ring for you, if you would send Tikki to Chat for a little while. That way he’s covered in case there’s an Akuma attack.” 

Luckily, she bought his dirty fib and started to remove her earrings. “Oh, well if you aren’t feeling well, that means Chat won’t be in top form. We can’t have that! Of course we can trade!” She took the earrings off and handed them to Tikki, before putting on the ring. 

Adrien felt a tingle down his spine as the black metal turned rose gold on her dainty finger. 

“Is he at home?” Asked Tikki. 

“No, come with me, I’ll tell you.” And he escorted her up to the balcony. 

“Did Plagg put you up to this?” She asked, once outside. “This seems like one of his hair brained schemes.” 

“I mean...he came up with the excuse...but I thought Marinette’s confession today would fulfill one of the conditions of the contract, but it didn’t. Plagg said I should just spend time with her.” 

Thankfully, Tikki was the nice one. She patted his paws. “I’m sure you miss her too. I won’t say anything. But I will be having a word with Plagg about this whole thing. He should know that body swaps don’t always work!” 

“Don’t tell me that! I’m struggling as it is!” 

“Sorry!” She giggled. “Why don’t you go on in. Be prepared though. She’s been all sighs since ‘Adrien’ returned her feelings today.” 

If he could blush, he would have. “Oh boy...” 

“Where am I going?”

“Oh, Plagg is staying with Nino now. He left home. And uhhh...Nino knows. About me, not Marinette.” 

She scoffed. “That rascal.” 

“Thanks for understanding, Tikki.” 

“I’m understanding with you, because you’re the victim of a manipulative, chaotic creature of destruction and havoc.” 

“He can be a bit of a turd.” 

“What am I doing? You could be spending time with the love of your life! Now, go on!” Tikki pushed him towards the door before flitting off to Nino’s. 

Suddenly faced with seeing Marinette again, and continuing to lie to her face, he sheepishly returned to her room. 

She had ducked out for the moment, and he found himself alone. 

Alone, but surrounded by dozens of pictures of himself. 

Knowing about her crush put these photos in a different context, for sure. 

“Just a fan” she said. She was a big fat liar too! 

“Adorable, isn’t he?” Her voice grabbed him while he was off guard. 

“Uhhh...I guess? For a human?” 

She giggled, and set down the plate of cheese danishes onto her desk. “That’s Adrien. He’s kind of my boyfriend. It’s not official yet, but he loves me.” She smiled widely. “He told me just today.” 

“‘Kind of’ your boyfriend? You’re okay with that?” 

“He can’t date right now because of his father. But he asked me to wait for him. I’d wait a thousand years for him.” 

His heart hammered in his chest. “What about three years? What if he can’t date until he’s 18?” 

“That’s fine.” She said nonchalantly. “We can still hang out. We can focus on school and drama doesn’t have to come between us...” 

“And if someone else available comes along?”

Marinette couldn’t know the real reason he was asking that question. She just fondly patted his head. “Sorry Plagg. I know you care a lot about Chat, but Adrien...Adrien means the world to me. I love Chat too, but in a different way. And he’s not available, not to me.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Chat will always just be my partner. Can only be my partner. We couldn’t date if I wanted too. It would be too difficult.” She sat back at her desk and sighed. “It would hurt too much.” 

Adrien was struck speechless. How was he even supposed to respond to that? Was that an admission that she actually did have some feelings for Chat Noir? 

It didn’t matter. Not now. “I didn’t mean to put you on the offensive. I was just...curious, is all. I’m happy you’ve found someone who loves you.” 

She smiled at him then, scooping him out of the air and scratching his cheek with her finger. “Thanks Plagg. I hope I didn’t come off as snooty. I know you care about Chat. But he can fight his own battles.” 

Her words made him feel like garbage. She had no idea, of course. Because up until the body swap, Adrien’s battles were not being fought. They were purposefully not being fought, because he was too chicken shit to upset anyone. 

“Yeah...he’s brave alright...” he muttered. 

Marinette settled down at her desk and continued on her homework. 

What was a boy to do? He sat on the desk, and helped himself to the cheese danishes. 

They were almost worth the trip over here by themselves. 

“Enjoying yourself?” Marinette asked, eyebrow quirked. 

At that, Adrien realized with thinly veiled horror that he had been moaning. 

Eek. 

“These are the most delicious things I’ve ever had!” Or maybe it was because Plagg had only fed him Camembert until now. Sure, Plagg’s taste buds were attuned to the foul stuff, but after a while, the same foods over and over get old. 

Marinette just smiled at him fondly and continued with her work. 

Would it be odd to look at her? Would she notice? He certainly found it hard to look away. He couldn’t stare at her during school. Not as Plagg, and not as Adrien from now on. 

She tapped her pencil against her perfectly kissable lips, scrunching her nose and narrowing her eyes as she studied the page. It was adorable, but more so, it was the same face she made as Ladybug, when she was trying to solve her Lucky Charm. 

Was it hindsight? Or if he saw Marinette making that face, would he have realized it? 

Would he have cared enough to look at her?

Of course he would! He argued with himself. Marinette was always special, and her being Ladybug only elevated her in his mind. It was a match that made sense. Of course she was Ladybug. No one else could be so…wonderful. 

But faced with her, and not knowing what to say or how to begin to explain the truth, he had to ask himself the tell tale question:

Did he like Marinette now because she was Ladybug? Or did he always like her, and was only in denial?

He begged it was the second. It had to be. 

Her qualities were the same. There was nothing about Marinette that made him recoil or actively deny her identity. 

Scratch that, Marinette was ridiculously clumsy. 

But besides that, they were the same. 

“Thinking about something tough over there?” Marinette asked. 

“Huh? Oh. Uh...yeah. You know how it is.” Like that made any sense. 

“Right. Like I could understand the problems of a Kwami.” She teased. “If you need to talk, I’m all ears.” 

Soon. Soon he’d explain everything. But right now, he was just too nervous and scared of her wrath. “Thanks Marinette. I appreciate it. But I don’t want to distract you from your homework.” 

She shrugged a little, not wanting to pry, before going back to work. 

Adrien and Marinette shared the cheese danishes, and occasionally talked as she worked. When she got severely stuck, he would throw her a few hints. 

Then she stretched, finished. “Oh thank goodness! I’m so tired, and I could use a lazy evening.” 

“Marinette! Dinner time!” 

“Well, after dinner, I’d like a lazy evening.” She scratched Adrien’s head. “Let’s just hope there’s no Akuma attack.” 

“Fingers crossed!” 

“You’ll be fine up here alone?” 

“Of course. Have fun with your parents.” 

“Oh,” she wilted. “Should I tell them about Adrien?” 

“Why not?” 

“I’m just scared that my nosy parents will ask a hundred questions. And we’re not even official.” 

“Maybe by mentioning it now, when it becomes official, it won’t be much of a shock.”

“And maybe we can avoid another disaster like when my dad got akumatized. You’re right.” She couldn’t help but sigh. “Well, I’ll tell you how it goes!” And she went downstairs. 

Adrien sat on her desk, scanning the walls and taking in all of his pictures. She really loved him, didn’t she? 

And how long had that gone on, and he never noticed? 

Was it okay to snoop? Of course morally and ethically, no, it wasn’t. But he was technically her sort of boyfriend. It couldn’t hurt. 

Right?

So he snooped. Just a precursory glance through her belongings. It was all very innocent. 

Until he found the pink half-circle book. Her diary. 

Maybe it was the influence of Plagg’s magic in him. Or this whole experience was turning him into a rascal. 

But he opened the book and started to read. 

The entries were pretty innocent too. Day to day things, balancing life as a superhero and a student. She mentioned him a few times. Using phrases like, ‘golden hair’, ‘handsome face’, ‘emerald eyes’, and ‘abundant kindness’. She wrote about the times they interacted. From him catching her when she tripped, to the glances they shared. Just the smallest interactions between them, she cherished. 

It almost made his heart hurt with how moved he was. 

And then there was an entry whose content made him feel a different sort of pain. She recounted a day he had not experienced. Her encounter with his akuma, Chat Blanc. 

He read the pages, soaking up every heart breaking moment. All the cruel things he had said to her that he would have never known. Why hadn’t she said anything? Was it too painful? Or did…

Did she think he didn’t need to know?

The diary slammed shut as he was finishing the entry, and a very angry and embarrassed Marinette stood over him, glaring. “Little snoop.” 

“Yeah yeah, cats and curiosity and all that. So sue me.” 

She took the book away and put it in a box with a lid. “Remind me never to leave you alone in my room ever again.” 

“Aw, you’re no fun.” 

She walked away, heading to her dresser. “Are you like this with Chat, too?”

“Oh, I’m much worse. You have no idea.” 

She laughed at him, and took her pajamas out of her drawers. 

Then without warning, she took off her pants. 

And Adrien’s mouth went dry. He watched as she slipped on her pajama pants, and then took off her shirt, and even her bra, before putting on a loose t-shirt. 

He was not going to get that image out of his head for a long, long time. 

She turned to him and started talking like nothing had happened. “So what do you want to do? I’m all done with homework, and so as long as there’s no Akuma attack, I can do whatever I want. What do you and Chat usually do?” 

Adrien didn’t know how to tell her he didn’t really have free time. Plagg just looked up cheese blogs on his phone, or watched a movie while Adrien worked on homework. 

“You pick. I’ll just watch if you want to play video games or design.” 

“I’m actually kind of tired. I might just watch videos in bed.” 

“Sounds fun! Can I join?”

“Sure! Whatever you want, Plagg.” Marinette climbed her ladder up to her loft and settled against her pillows. She pulled a fuzzy blanket around her legs and sighed in content. “Just what the doctor ordered!”

Adrien hesitated a moment, trying to decide where to sit. Her shoulder? Her stomach?

But Marinette took the choice away and patted her chest, just above her heart.

Eagerly, he settled, curling his tail around his body, and absorbing her body heat. She scratched between his ears and made him purr almost instantly. 

This was heaven. When he got his body back, he’d lay his head here. Hopefully, she’d scratch his scalp just the same. 

The videos played on her phone, just memes. Every time she chuckled, her chest would rumble with the noise, and fill him with joy. 

He could hear her heart beating. The heart she had opened for him just today. A heart that he lived in. 

And then her phone started flashing with a red light. And akuma alert!

“Uh oh!” Marinette clicked on the alert, checking out the details. “It’s a sentimonster! Come on Plagg, we can’t leave Misterbug out to dry!”

As she scaled the ladder to her balcony, he panicked. How was this going to work? Was she going to notice once they transformed? Would he be able to hear her thoughts like he could when Plagg transformed?

Would he look through her eyes?

She raised the hand with the ring on it. “Alright! Plagg, Claws out!” 

Nothing happened. 

“Um...Plagg, Claws out?” 

“Oh.” Adrien gasped, “oh no.” 

“Oh no what? Are you broken? Do I need to fix you?” 

“No! I mean—sort of, but you already did your part! I’m just...” 

“Plagg, what’s going on?” 

He sighed, screwing up his lips and unintentionally showing his fangs. “Um...I’m not...I’m not actually Plagg.” 

She stared at him, brows furrowing and eyes narrowing. “Then...who are you?” 

“Promise you won’t be mad?” 

“No guarantees!” 

“Well, okay.” He gulped. “I’m...Adrien?” 

She blinked. “Adrien? Like...no. No no no not like Adrien Agreste, my new supposed boyfriend?!” 

“That’s me! Hi P-Pooh Bear?” 

“What?!” She shrieked. “How?! When?! What—“ she snatched him out of the air with firm hands. “HAVE YOU BEEN ADRIEN THIS WHOLE TIME?” 

“I mean, I’ve been Adrien my whole life,” he awkwardly chuckled. 

“No, no don’t joke with me right now.” She sniffed. “How long have you been like this?” 

“Um...about two weeks now. Since that day he came to school in a crop top.” 

Marinette shut her eyes tight, a few tears slipping past her cheeks. “That long...” 

“Marinette?” 

“So it was all a lie? Plagg’s just—messing with us? With me? You don’t really—“ she squeezed her eyes shut and started crying in earnest. 

“No! No Marinette! Of course I love you! I’ve always loved you, you know that! The second I learned you were Ladybug, everything made sense! I was so happy and I told Plagg he had to win you over. Please Marinette, this was never supposed to be malicious.” He nuzzled against her fingers, offering up a purr. “I promise.” 

With her free hand, she wiped her face. “Alright, well suppose I believe you. What happened? Why are you like this?” 

“I made a deal with the devil. Plagg, specifically. He said he was tired of me complaining all the time. So he said he could solve all my problems if I just agreed to it. Then I woke up in his body.” 

“What problems?” 

“Well...my unrequited love for you, for one.” 

She blushed. 

“My relationship with my father for two, and the third is Lila’s harassment.” 

“Oh, I get it now.” Marinette sighed. “That’s why he was doing all those things...” 

“You mean dressing like a moron and messing with Lila?”

“Yes. And flirting with me.” 

“To be honest,” he scratched the back of his head. “I would have flirted with you earlier if I had known you were Ladybug. I liked you before, I was just trying to pretend I didn’t, because I wanted to be loyal to...well, you.” 

She held him softly in her hands. “We’ve made a mess of things, haven’t we?” 

“It was for our own good. Secret identities and all that.” 

“You almost sound like you just repeat that to yourself, but you don’t believe it.” 

“I had to repeat it to myself,” he urged. “Every day. Because I so desperately wanted to be with you, to spend time with you out of the suit. I was so lonely and I thought, if there was one person I could trust with my identity, it had to be you. But I wanted to honor your wishes. I just hoped to wear you down, eventually.”

She passed her thumb over his cheek and whiskers. “I had been thinking about it, ever since I became the guardian. I wanted to keep you safe, but if something happened to Plagg and you couldn’t transform, no one would know. I’m not upset with you, Kitty. Though I wish this reveal had happened a little more...mutually.” Suddenly, her eyes widened. “What are we doing?! We have a sentimonster!” 

“Aw let him fight on his own! He deserves some sort of punishment for this and I have yet to come up with a good one.” 

She chuckled. “Alright, fine. We’ll give him a few minutes and see how things are going.” 

“You’re taking this better than I expected.” 

“I’m in shock.” She chuckled, a little hysterical. “It took me so much courage to confess…and it wasn’t even to your face. That would happen to me.”

He floated out of her hand and nuzzled her face. “All that matters is that I know. We can’t be together quite yet, but the second I get my body back, I plan to make you mine.” 

“Really?”

“Absolutely, Bugbear.” 

She kissed between his ears. “Okay, My Prince. I look forward to it.” 

The ring on her finger beeped, and a paw pad faded out. 

“What was that?”

Adrien sighed with relief. “The condition has been met.”

“Condition?”

Just then, a swath of Ladybugs rushed over the city, righting whatever the Sentimonster had ruined. 

“Well, looks like he didn’t need our help after all.”

Marinette laughed slightly. “They have been doing this a long time. It probably only took them this long to get it because of travel time.” 

Adrien nodded. “So, just to clarify, you aren’t mad at me?”

“Of course not! It sounds like Plagg tricked you. Though I am mad at you for reading my diary…and watching me change!” 

“In my defense, I was not warned you were going to change.” 

“Still you could have turned around!” She blushed. 

“Sorry, Bugaboo, I guess I was just a little star struck.” 

She bopped him on the nose. “Now don’t try to flatter me to get out of being caught.” 

A yoyo wrapped around the chimney above their heads, and Misterbug made his appearance. His very jarring, ancient appearance. He wore black leggings with a red loincloth around his waist. His shirt was cropped and had billowing sleeves. The mask was just a cloth that tied around his lower face. 

“Well well well, I figured if you weren’t on the battle field, you were busy having a lover’s quarrel.” He smirked, the smile only creasing his eyes. 

Marinette looked to Plagg. “Dearest Sunshine, do you mind terribly if I abuse your body?”

“Be my guest.”

Marinette wound up a punch and socked Plagg right in the shoulder. 

“Ow! Hey, that actually hurt.” 

“I hope you, you monster! How could you hurt my poor, sweet, innocent Adrien!?” She cuddled him close to her cheek.

Plagg scoffed. “Puh-lease. There is nothing innocent about that boy. Spots off.” 

The pink light faded, and Adrien’s body remained. It was almost hard to look at him, even though she knew it wasn’t really Adrien. 

“Oh, now she gets all shy~!” Plagg taunted. “I should have retransformed when I landed. Maybe she wouldn’t have punched me!”

“You deserved it.” Tikki said, flatly. 

“Yeah, whatever. So? How’d it go?” 

Marinette held out the ring. “It beeped?”

“Excellent!” He took it off her finger. “Two to go!” He slipped the ring on and took off the earrings. “Now I just have to focus on Gabriel and Lila. I think Gabe’s getting ready to crack. Lila though, I might have to push a little harder.”

“Thank you for the warning,” Marinette added. “It makes me feel better that I might not have to put up with her for much longer. So I can take a little damage.” 

Adrien frowned. “Can’t I stay with Marinette a while longer?”

Plagg huffed. “I mean you could…but then you couldn’t see the absolute chaos that I planned.”

Adrien winced. “Ugh, fine. I’ll go with you.” He turned to Marinette, pressing a kiss on her cheek. “Bye Bugaboo. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay Kitty. I love you!” 

Adrien’s heart nearly burst with love. “I love you too!” 

“Gross.” Plagg gagged. “Alright, time to go! Adrien, Claws Out!” 

—

Chat Plagg Noir returned to the Lahiffe residence, and swung in through Nino’s window. 

Nino for his part, was nearly dancing in panic. 

“You good, my man?”

Nino shook his head frantically. “There’s a policeman here for you! I tried to stall as long as I could, and said you were asleep and a heavy sleeper! But I think he’s about to burst down my door!”

“A policeman? What for?”

“I don’t know! He just said he had to talk to you!” 

“Claws in.” Plagg walked over to the door, and exited, pensively watching the uniformed man in the living room. 

“Did you have a nice nap?” The man asked, arms crossed. 

“I did, until I was shaken awake. Is there a problem officer?”

“Adrien Agreste, you are under arrest.”