#but bribable

[sweaterkittensahoy]

i would love to hear more about jack being bribed. this is the most undisciplined bomb group after all, they have to clean up their record somehow (read: lying and bribery)

The only way to do this justice is to explain the crimes that led to the bribes. And the best way to do that is to call out each man by name.

Bubbles Payne:

The Crime: Being chipper every goddamn morning no matter what.

The Bribe: Jack hasn't sewn his own buttons in two years. Bubbles can sew a button in about two minutes.

Harry Crosby:

The Crime: Doing navigation equations out loud. Including all math symbols needed to complete them.

The Bribe: Two books for every one equation Jack has to hear out loud. Westerns are worth 1.5 other books, as they're Jack's favorite genre.

Curtis Biddick:

The Crime: Thrice-weekly bar fights (average).

The Bribe: A subscription to Jack's favorite muscle magazine. He totally reads the articles. Totally.

Robert Rosenthal:

The Crime: Trying to sing.

The Bribe: Being the best fucking pilot Jack's ever seen and fucking humble about it. Seriously. No bribes necessary, just keep doing what you do, Rosie. Except singing. Which you cannot actually do.

Douglass:

The Crime: Loving puns.

The Bribe: Helps Jack write letters that don't feel stilted or dull.

Blakely:

The Crime: Camp champion for number of penicillin shots needed for VD.

The Bribe: Cold hard cash. Fifty cents a shot.

Brady:

The Crime: Reminding Jack entirely too much of his kid brother.

The Bribe: Accepting Jack's hugs but pretending like he's never been hugged by Jack ever.

Hambone:

The Crime: Wise ass.

The Bribe: His mother's chicken soup. Which reminds Jack of his own mom's chicken soup.

Bucky:

The Crime: Existing.

The Bribe: Existing (Jack admits this one only makes sense if you really get how he and Bucky work.)

Buck:

The Crime: Being secretly feral and convincing everyone except Jack he's not.

The Bribe: Stopping Bucky from singing sometimes.

Demarco:

The Crime: Being a Chicago Italian (Jack's got Irish family in Chicago; it's not a Mob thing, just a neighborhood thing).

The Bribe: Knows how to properly cook cabbage.

Ken Lemmons:

The Crime: Using his hick accent and big blue eyes to convince RAF pilots he's never seen a real British pound and pocketing several dollars a week.

The Bribe: 1 out of 5 pounds ends up in Jack's pocket.

Harding:

The Crime: Not going to the goddamn doctor for his fucking gallstones and nearly dropping dead*.

The Bribe: Visiting Jack every chance he gets and apologizing for, oh, six months.

Helen:

The Crime: Letting people think she's the Colonel's daughter because they have the same name and everyone just assumed**.

The Bribe: Telling Jack the truth (Harding DOES have a daughter named Helen, but she's four) because she can see he has a crush and likes him enough to give him a nudge.

Meatball

The Crime: Being a fucking Husky.

The Bribe: Being a fucking Husky.

(*Actual reason Harding had to leave the 100th. Having had gall bladder surgery, I literally do not know how he ignored it long enough to nearly fucking die.)

(**In actual fact, Actual!Harding had a daughter named Helen who is meant to be the Helen in the show. But for fandom purposes, no she's not, and yes, she is totally playing people about it. It keeps the worst of the flyboys away from her.)

[stiffyck]

Scar nd mumbo... wha- wvatbif thqy wee. Were. Boyf.s boyfurwndsm.

Mmmhjm i nmfiv

[akaittou]

Hey there! I've just been browsing Tumblr as usual and I stumbled under a reblog of yours where you were promoting your Meneody ff. (since I don't see much content for the pairing) I've decided to read it and let me say i was more than excited 😭

The characters are so spot on, the writing is so good, everything is just chef kiss so...

Is it ok If I make some fan art out of it?

Plus... Is it too much if we( I) ask for a part two?👁️👁️

YES IT IS OKAY TO MAKE FANART!!!

I will go absolutely feral (in a positive way) over fanart, please, if you do make fanart I want to see it.

I swear I initially wrote that fic as a bit of a joke poking fun at some of my friends (and Menelaus, because he talks about Odysseus like a man mourning the loss of the love of his life in the Odyssey... while his wife is right there!)

I'm currently focusing on a couple of multichapter works — The Flowers of Skyros (in which Odysseus recruits Achilles to the war) and Hanging on in Quiet Desperation (in which Odysseus is stuck on Ogygia with Calypso) but you can always ask, it makes it more likely that the next shorter thing I work on alongside them is what you want (✿◕‿◕)

[mlkywaycafe]

A warm up doodle that got out of hand…. Anyways I felt like drawing Millie ✨

[lizadale]

If the other minions are still involved because they are part of the prophecy, then is Luigi still relevant as well? Would Mr. L exist in this AU or would Dimentio do something different?

THIS IS TRICKY!!

Mr L would NOT exist...probably. He might, against Dimentio's will.

so the way Count Bleck was running things was pretty haphazard. he was following the recipe given to him by the Dark Prog, but he didn't really care how things turned out. He'd sort of mentally given up, which is why by chapter 6 when Mimi and Mr L went AWOL he was just like "hm. ok."

If that happened in THIS scenario Dimentio would flip the fuck out, because there is NO ROOM for error (in his opinion). So a couple things would immediately be different following the prologue:

Peach nor Bowser would not have been allowed to leave the castle to join Mario

Luigi would not be allowed to have ANY free will once it becomes apparent he's the "man in green". He still has a degree of free will under Nastasia's hypnosis, so Dimentio would sprout him ASAP.

so the issue then becomes: how easily can Blumiere and Nastasia fuck things up for Dimentio? the sprouts can obviously be REMOVED. They can smuggle Luigi away from the castle. They can hypnotize him to gtfo even if he wouldn't want to leave Peach behind.

Luigi becomes the center of a game of tug-of-war. How many times does Blumiere steal him away from the castle only for Dimentio to duly go after him? It's hard to keep Dimentio away from things when he can literally go wherever tf he wants. ...Or does Luigi just stay in the castle and Blumiere is like "hey please don't destroy the world" and Luigi is just "....ok? i didn't have plans to??" and Dimentio glares at him like "oh yes you fucking do, let me tell you why"

[dayshift-loop]

dont act like you wouldn't wanna go out with him, dear steveo.

Dave: We can bring Sportsy along as well, if you want! See what he says!

Steven: Sure. Why not?

[john-bracket]

Being an ethical bracket runner vs fuck I want my John to win

[clingyduoapologist]

i will give you 10 dollar for sootcest deal?

????? Anon I have no fuckibg idea what prompted this but like??? Ok???

[akaittou]

YOU MADE COMIC PAGES???

Floored. I'm floored. I'm right in the middle of writing the next chapter for a completely different fic and I was planning on polishing up my dust-gathering Zeus-is-a-creep WIP after that but...

BUT.

I may need to. Make some time. For more of these two. 🫣😳

What can I say, I'm a sucker for these two and after reading @akaittou fan fic about them I've been over the edge since👹

I have to say that while I was reading it I was already imagining it in the form of a comic, but I suck at this type of stuff so what I managed to do is a couple of doodles with terrible paneling, but never mind, lol

I had to cut some dialogues out because they were too long for the panels I had in mind,but trust me they were good😔🙌

[prettyboypistol]

Can we see some head-canons of how the mercs would react to the reader asking to join them in the shower.

Asking The Mercs to Join You in The Shower || TF2 Mercs x M!Reader 18+ MDNI

Scout

"ahahaha without me bbg?" energy every time you say you're showering. As soon as you offer to let him join you, he blushes a deep red and insists that you're weird and that he's not gay. He thinks about it though, and after about 5 minutes he goes to his room, then sneaks to the showers to ask if you were serious about your offer.

What happens: probably nothing toooooo spicy, but maybe a sloppy make out session and some heavy petting. As soon as you touch his dick he jolts back and says that's too far. You nod and apologize.

Soldier

Doesn't really understand the connotations immediately, but as soon as you offer him a blowie he's like "I AM NOT A BRIBABLE OFFICER, PRIVATE!" You assure him it's not to gain favor, it could just be a one-time thing. You just think he's very handsome and would be honored to get hot n' heavy with a superior officer.

What happens: a blowjob and you worshipping Soldier's body- maybe he gets a little rough with you, but nothing too bad since it's under the guise of a one-off hookup.

Pyro

Pyro innocently accepts and offers to wash your back in public, but as soon as you two are alone, they know your game. They push you against the wall and breathe against your neck, the mask causing a noise that envelopes your senses.

What happens: You get to see what's under the suit- well, barely- the steam obscures your vision when they unzip the pelvis zipper of their suit. Whatever is was, it felt good.

Demoman

Teases you about needing some company to shower, asking if you need help washing your back or if you just want an excuse to see him naked. When he arrives he's very pleasantly surprised to actually see you there with an intention to do more than wash his back.

What happens: probably at most a mutual handjob or a dominant Demoman giving you a reach around while you're pressed against the tile walls.

Engineer

Blushes a bright red and hides his face in his hands, waving you away and calling you crazy. He grumbles and goes to his workshop to tinker on his machines, as he usually did when he had emotions to process.

What happens: he doesn't join you initially, but comes to your room late into the night and offers to shower with you then. By the way, he built a toaster while he was busy.

Heavy

Doesn't know what to think at first when you ask, desperately wants you to mean an innuendo, but is highkey a little insecure about himself- who'd like a man in his late 40's who's got a bad case of MPB? Well, when you come onto him his bran explodes.

What Happens: Probably some kissing, maybe a little hesitant touches. Nothing too spicy but intimate enough for both of you to blush when you see each other the next day.

Medic

Very flirty, very down for the proposition. Offers to escort you to the showers himself levels of down for whatever. As soon as the waters are warm our hands are all over each other, his glasses were knocked on the floor, you are overwhelmed with pleasure and his mouth on yours.

What Happens: Probably the farthest you go with any of the mercs, straight up a great possibility that you have sex. Medic's a passionate and rather noisy lover, so everyone avoids the shower until it's obvious both of you have left- and Engie sends in his cleaning robots. Just in case.

Spy

Applauds your boldness and bravery, but there is a 50/50 chance that he declines your offer unless you're blindfolded. As much as he has a sweet affection for you, he loves his mask ever so slightly more.

What Happens: An intimate bathing routine where you're blindfolded and sat on a stool in his personal shower, you're scrubbed, massaged, and pampered with the most aromatic sensations known to man. Afterwards, you might get lucky on his bed.

Sniper

Blushes a deep red, hides his face under his hat, and mumbles about how unprofessional you're being. You two are coworkers for christ's sake! Of course he declines your offer!

What Happens: He can't get the thought of you showering out of his head. It starts messing up his shots due to distracting him so much. After the third respawn, he groans and asks you to shower with him. Nothing happens, but you both get an eyeful of each other.

[paxdracona]

In the deepest most indulgent parts of my brain lives a Top Gun/Kingsman/Mission: Impossible crossover. It's mostly vibes but like I said, self indulgence~

It features newly minted COMPACFLT Ice who gets an invitation to lunch from one Mr. Devere, who introduces a cocky blond young man who claims to be Ice's son. And the resemblance is there, kinda, maybe, if you squint?? But Ice is firmly in the 'never have I ever slept with a woman' camp so he's understandably brisk in his dismissal.

Of course, Eggsy and Harry are there to sniff out if this new compacflt is as bribable and moral-less as the last one and are prepared to either further or end Ice's career, depending on their findings. Pretending to be related to the man is Eggsy's idea of extra flavouring to a boring case and if it also serves to divert Kazansky's eagle-eyed scrutiny to more banal subjects, that's a bonus.

During a next meeting Mav is there and inexplicably mr Devere and the blond do a very subtle double take.

Because they had not been informed that bloody Ethan Hunt had cozied up to the new compacflt. It takes Merlin a few deep dives to figure out Mav and Ethan are two different persons. One of these deep dives trips an alarm that Ethan has on any and everything looking for info on his brother and he drops everything to do damage control.

And so it comes to pass that all of them end up in the same room, and after some thinly veiled threats and much posturing tentative alliances are formed (and to keep it interesting, Eggsy insists that since Ice could be his dad, Mav could be his very hot stepdad. This to the consternation of literally everyone (Harry because he's the jealous type, Ice because hes OVER this shit (and hes also the jealous type), Mav because he has eyes and a type but he's also VERY LOYAL and Ethan... might actually find it a bit funny, actually)).

And because their collective luck is rotten, someone tries to assassinate Ice or kidnap Mav, or both, and brings the combined wrath of two spy agencies down on their head ✨️

[catilinas]

submissive and bribable

[3n1gm4blogs]

Ed, scale of 1-10 how willing would you be to me testing on you again?

completely unrelated, how bribable are you?

0/10

And I am completely “unbribable”.

[vroomian]

Coffee au Yrz as the Morningstar attack dog (aka the worst most awful rules lawyer in contracts and court hell has ever seen).

He eats overlords for breakfast, he’s unkillable, and he’s un bribable.

Yrz meets Lilith at a club after he breaks a bad contract through boredom and gets attacked as a result. Lilith saves him and tries to make it seem like Yrz now owes her.. he is of course like. Fuck you, I do not :) and Lilith is amused. Lilith offers him a deal — power for his soul and Yrz is like ha! Death first scary lady.

Lilith: OWO

(This is not a normal reaction to deals she offers obviously. She has a hypnotic voice and she was indeed using it.)

but this is Yrz and he is absolutely serious about death before being owned. He’d rather work at this shitty minimum wage job for the rest of his eternal life than belong to anyone but himself.

Lilith: (I gotta have him.)

Lilith: you want a job?

Yrz:

Yrz: you know what. Sure. Whatever. Beats retail. You need a boy toy? I’m great at sex. Also I can shape shift.

Lilith: I did not but suddenly I am thinking very hard about it.

[definitelynotshouting]

i think if scar was a magical creature he would be a sphinx and he would be incredibly bribable. sure you could try to answer his riddles three but if you slip him 10 diamonds he'll pretend he doesn't see you sneaking around him. "oh nooooo they got past me, i cant believe this!!" <- he has scammed thousands

[canyoubribethemwithascoobysnack]