#but bc of who he is as a person
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i think a lot about how satoru refuses to drink, and while he says it's bc he's a lightweight, that.....doesn't change the fact that he still CAN drink if he wanted to. and it's probably bc of the nature of his powers. he knows that him getting drunk and losing a grip on himself, and consequently his powers, would have grave consequences. any small slip from him could kill so many people so easily, so he tries to stay away from it
#f.txt#i need.......satoru getting drunk for the first time and someone having to contain him and stop him from using his abilities#and satoru coming to. and realizing that he kinda. destroyed the entire place. and that he almost killed the other person.#(hakari my boy maybe that falls on u)#jjk#gojo#the hornier version of this is: he starts fucking anything he sees.#tho actually my fave version is the combination of both.#and i've mentioned it before.#where satoru goes sexually unhinged#but at the same time everyone is filled with abolute DREAD. bc they can't touch him. and one wrong move and satoru is blowing the place up#he's an incredibly scary drunk#not bc of what he does while drunk#but bc of who he is as a person#(he is an incredibly scary person)
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the public reaction to i saw the tv glow is like a perfect case study into how cis people take up queer spaces and unknowingly mock and enjoy trans suffering. sitting in the theater, i had a pit in my stomach the entire time. so many times, i would tear up and then someone else in the theater would laugh. and i wouldn’t cry because how would they look at me when the lights came back on? because they don’t see it. they don’t see the pain. they think it’s funny. i left the theater completely silent, not saying a word to my boyfriend and he didn’t say a word to me until partway into the drive home. the people around us immediately got to picking it apart, explaining what it all meant to each other, dumbing it down, making theories. cis people see the the movie, just like transness, as something to debate. a conversation. something to dissect because it makes them uncomfortable if they don’t understand it in their easily digestible way.
#i wanted to cry so bad. i had tears behind my eyes. and i couldn’t after hearing everyone in the theater LAUGH#also if you’re the girl who said she didn’t see a trans allegory in it: you are srupid#i saw the tv glow#jane schoenbrun#my bf is the one good cis person btw he saw how heartwrenching it was bc he loves a trans person (me)
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"jason is a knockoff watered down percy" NO hear me out, jason actually parallels annabeth immensely, sharing SO many similarities with her personality, not percy, in this essay I will-
edit: my full analysis is out now! here
#just adding that I think jason and annabeth are similar BUT they are SEPARATE characters with separate personalities#and i don't think jason is anyone's knockoff!! so don't misunderstand me guys!#trust me ik how it feels like to have jason getting mischaracterized so I would never do that!#when I read about jason the first time I'm like wow he's gentler but similar to annabeth chase wow he could be her twin#they are both genuinely interested in learning stuff. they both mansplain and geek. they are both misunderstood as conceding when they do#they love getting involved in debates and discussions. they both have designed temples assigned to them by the gods themselves#they are both seen as 'scary and intimidating' when they're just softies who need love. they are both overthinkers with too many plans#they are both soft for ppl w silly humor. they both kinda give off an untrustworthy vibe at first bc they know too much info#they are both also pretty suspicious and don't trust immediately. they both love architecture. they both have a 'cold icy' stare#also they're both TALL#I could keep going on and on for ages actually#pjo#pjo fandom#percy jackson#jason grace#pjo series#pjo hoo toa#pjo hoo#annabeth chase
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need to exist in your warmth (id in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#blood tw#ruporas art#love u when i get to cuddle u and love u when i get to feel ur blood soak into my hands#being this close to one another means the eternal suffering of trying to separate love and mission. love for one and love for humanity#i like to think of pre-vol8 vash as someone who struggles with his feelings for ww bc as equal and as trusted he is -#vash knows his responsibilities and he knows/expects ww wouldn't let him stray from it either. for that he can't take to any romantic incli#and i think itd make him view ww in a stricter non-personal way... If that makes ANY sense.#for ww - take someone who youv gotten close to and ended up liking more than you expected#someone who has a belief and follows it stubbornly - someone who'll get into more fights and trouble more than youv had your entire life#ww thinks of him as a monster but he knows theres a limit he himself can take - i feel like hes considered what might be the limit for vash#for Safety measures. just in case. yknow. whenever he himself might have to load the bullet < him hyping himself up as if he could do it#my point being that the thought of vash being dead crosses his mind more than he'd like. i think its a simultaneous dread drop in his stoma#for failure of the mission - but also an Ok? They can be killed? and also a disastrous gunning of his own heart. considering how much they#both live in their own heads some days are Just the worst ever for them in each others company. but also they lov each other :[ sooo much
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The most doomed siblings ever
#I don’t usually share that many sketches but I think abt them a lot#like ok obv Luffy means the world to both of them but before asl is was just Ace and Sabo being bffs#imagine just forgetting someone who literally used to be your best friend#imagine you remember someone you haven’t seen in years and not having the chance to reconnect with that person bc they’re gone#but you still see that person constantly in everything around you and in all the people he has met#anyway I’m so miserable abt them#art#digital art#my art#fanart#drawing#digital illustration#one piece#portgas d ace#ace#sabo
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thinking again about how much trust he had to have in Laios to recommend his own daughter in case he dies
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#chilaios#WHATEVRR#like#We see from his little nightmare snippet that his greatest fear is losing his kids#And we also know how much trauma he has around the dungeons and specifically other adventurers#How he basically lives in fight or flight mode and is constantly thinking of the worst case scenario#How unwilling he is to trust anyone or show vulnerability to anyone#And he recommended his daughter to Laios#Bc even though his years of knowing Laios means he sees him as reckless and oaf-like and maybe insane#His years of knowing Laios also mean he knows hes a good person who he can trust#And who he (secretly) genuinely cares about and sees as a close friend#So much so that he’d trust him with the lives of his kids#Though simultaneously i dont think he’d ever allow him to hold a baby
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I always think it's funny whenever I post about an issue that directly affects me and someone responds with "you're an idiot that doesn't know what you're talking about" and I have to be like. Hello. This is my demographic. Do you see this label here? Guess who falls under it OH RIGHT it's me. Maybe I like. Have some amount of idea of what I'm talking about considering this is sampled directly from my life experiences. Just a thought.
#This is besides the point that I don't think I should have to whip out a label just to prove that I'm right#Not just bc there's ppl who are wrong about shit who still fall under that label#See: antiblack black ppl and misogynist cis women#But also bc like. No actually you don't get to demand my personal information just to measure if I have more arguing power#If you disagree with me then you should widen your information search and obtain information from many sources under the same label#And then make a determination of if I'm right or wrong#Otherwise you get the 'well kanye's black and he said-' responses#Whereas if these folks had actually looked into kanye's controversies they'd see that his antiblackness has been discussed for yeeeeears
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Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.
I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.
The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.
Because it's so hard to exist in this world.
My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:
Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)
Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.
Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.
Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.
Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.
Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s
I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.
So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".
Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)
Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.
NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD
Stigma in the DSM
Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)
"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."
(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)
#actuallynpd#signal boost#actuallyautistic#mental health awareness#narcissistic personality disorder#people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias#(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar#mentally ill or otherwise ND)#the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there'#no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo#anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that#he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful#misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included#several personality disorders. one of which was NPD.#and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and#he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he#was glad he did#fun times#or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to#support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma#bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me#trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them.#again..... fun times
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"That photo of the suspected shooter probably isn't of the actual shooter so it's ok to spread it around"
#''it's ok to spread bc it's just some innocent guy who had nothing to do with this!'' he doesn't deserve to have his life ruined actually#having a picture of an innocent person spread around claiming they committed a big crime has historically been bad for those innocent peopl#wishing the guy in the photo a very ''sue the nypd for millions''#santagno
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While denial is common in Jamiyuu ships, Mayu has a very specific flavour of denial
#my art#twisted wonderland#twst#jamil viper#jamil viper x yuu#twst oc#oc#shiokawa mayu#jamimayu#girl who is really honest abt her own feelings but shy about others liking her#vs#guy who will be on the receiving end of all this#yet make every excuse along the lines of#maybe shes just being nice#maybe shes this way with me bc im the only person around thats demure and mindful and responsible and would never take things the wrong way#bye i cant deal with them#bet he fishes for compliments too
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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very specific au thought, silver if he was the shield instead ( read the tags to see explanations )
#reading chapter 7 updates back to back on both servers YEEHAW#essentially shield silver is just silver but with his backstory has elements from yuulis' backstory#or like. the silver owl's kingdom falls apart much much more disastrously#so silver is!! essentially the same type of creature that yuulis is hnm hnm#he's less proficient in swordplay so sebek beats his ass in sparring#but he makes up for it in magic!! hes at least twice/thrice better than his og incarnation#though he lacks self confidence bcs hes surrounded by fae like malleus n lilia who r just. innately good at magic#he has thick arm guards instead of the regular diasomnia gloves#bcs his he needs protection for his feeble human arms#( jk he's still as muscular as normal silver bcs he has to swing that big staff around )#was gonna make the shoulder pad on his right to make him mirror the knight of dawn but it bugged me too much grrrrr#his clothes r also more loose but still not restrictive#without saying much#shield silver is closer to malleus than the og!! he imitates malleus' mannerisms a lot when casting spells. like the floaty thing mal does#also indirect yuulis lore ig#shield silver always covers up ( like malleus cards ) bcs he's got a mega complex about his stitches#unlike yuulis he has no means of rlly hiding his stitches by himself#so he's under an illusion spell ( cast by malleus ) where to the regular person he looks like a regular human#also when he overblots. he becomes the phantom himself ( indirect yuulis lore part 2 )#hence why.. fucked up looking creature in the last image#tahst enough rambling from me hehe live laugh love#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#sebek zigvolt#twst grim#twst yuu
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Last part for old GF sketches
(Actually, most of these aren't old at all, but their average is brought down by the last picture, which I drew back in August and kept forgetting to post)
#fanart#drawing#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#i wish more people talked about Ford's piano skills#and his shadow puppet skills#i forgot what i was thinking when i rushed these out#something about Ford only taking pride in his skills because of how other people (ie Stanley) appreciate them#and how he attributes everything exceptional about himself to his hands bc that's where his deepest insecurities/motivations come from#but that isn't something Stan or most people think about at all#but he also IS really talented#and so he gets this big fragile ego#stemming from his mother and brother's praise#but also filbrick's neglect#so it's like outside validation is a substitute/reminder of the people that really loved him#bht also he thinks he's different from them and better than them#but he does love them#and he likes making them proud because he likes seeing them happy#maybe he doesn't know how else to make people happy#something something#Stan being his biggest supporter is a double edged sword#because his opinion matters the most and then he's gone#and Ford doesnt have anyone to show off to anymore#OR anyone who can call him a showoff when he gets too into his own head#OR the person he was pitted against in the first place that made him feel special#because- knowingly or not- they always compared themselves#idk man#Ford is an interesting guy and his head fascinates me
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'i hate jason grace because he thought he was worthy enough to compete with percy' I'm sorry have y'all SEEN jason. this man defeated a TITAN without weapons and his bare hands to the point the titan wanted to rise from the UNDERWORLD with the help of a GODDESS to seek vengeance over him. I think we can cut him slack for having some well deserved self respect bc I'd brag too wtf
#put some RESPECT on this guy's name. nobody is a more worthy competitor to percy than jason sorry not sorry I won't take arguments.#and has less experience with stuff because camp jupiter rarely had monster attacks so he was basically sheltered yet he was so strong#he saved percy UNDERWATER and defeated a SEA monster despite the whole zeus/poseidon thing. That only makes it difficult for him#and water isn't even his domain#yet y'all will call this 'gary stu behaviour' completely ignoring how op rick made percy. apparently only percy is allowed to be powerful??#he was trained by WOLVES as a 2 year old#before some mf goes 'theres no way jason defeated krios w just hands lol he was just boasting for the sake of it'. krios said it himself 💀#ironically jason was wayy too humble considering the stuff he's done lol he NEVER bragged and neither did percy#fandom when a character who has actually accomplished great stuff has an ounce of self respect and self awareness: 😠🔪🔪#it's not even 'i hate jason bc he's arrogant/powerless/boring' atp#it's just 'im too attached to percy to like any other person who's on his level and can't accept the fact that percy has a powerful rival'#pjo#pjo fandom#percy jackson#pjo series#pjo hoo#jason grace#pjo hoo toa
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kneeling is a broad term for what ghost does with price
surrendering is slightly more accurate but even that doesn’t hope to touch the sheer desperation in the way he clutches at him; his body bowed low at his feet, his legs latched around one of his, hugging it so tightly to his chest his arms shake as he digs his face into his thigh
it’s only here that he can finally give in to the screaming; to the distant voice he strangles into silence every day of his life. the one who begs him to make himself as small as possible; do everything he can to hide from the ever encroaching demons growling and salivating at his heels
it’s only here, in the dark of price’s barracks, hidden by a bed at his back and a wall to his front, that he finally lets himself stop running; only between solid combat boots and worn fatigues does he let himself tremble and admit to the choking fear
he’d break open price’s chest if he could; crawl past his gushing viscera and curl up under his ribs, hidden in the warm dark
ghost clawed his way out of the grave with broken nails and gritted teeth but he wouldn’t mind being buried again if it meant being cradled in the safety of price’s insides. his warm blood and soft lungs would blanket him, mask the stench of his rotten flesh until he could even convince himself that, maybe, he too was still alive
he shifts, unnerved by his own longing, and price runs his hand over the crown of his mask the same way he’d card it through his hair until he settles once more
he grounds him over the long hours it takes for his white-knuckled grip to relax into a loose hold; for his face to stop grinding into the meat of his thigh and simply rest in his lap, his bracketing legs the only thing holding his lax body up as he floats, untethered by fear
#who up babygirling they ghost#ghost rejecting all vulnerability until he physically can’t suppress it any more#so he does the only thing he can#he goes to his captain#the one person who can make him feel small and protected#i nearly made this ghoap bc i know its more popular but i just write ghost so different when hes with price#he has a different kind of vulnerability with his than he does with soap at least in my canon#price gives him a different sense of safety; not only that hes watching his six but so much so that ghost doesnt need to be on guard at all#nothing will get past price#hes too stalwart; an unbroken pillar of strength#theres history there that he just doesnt have with soap#priceghost just hits different#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#priceghost#ghostprice#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#price cod#john price#captain john price#cod fic#cod mw2#cod mwii#cod modern warfare#save post
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mini mcm dump 🖤
only 24 hours out and i already want to go back
(puppetstarion was made by bokkicat!!)
#ramble#cosplay#I DON’T HAVE THE HANDLE OF THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE FIRST ONE BUT ILY#only having my shitty phone photos would be so awful#also i’m so glad i met puppetstarion before he went home to neil#thank you to everyone who complimented isobel or said hi!! you were all so sweet#can you tell i spent most of my time in artist alley#a lot of my haul was gifted/traded but don’t even ask about my wallet rn i’m not allowed to do anything until christmas at the earliest#ok i lied not every second bc i have sprained my foot#didn’t love that part
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