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lionheartedmusings · 1 year ago

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with mousey and bad together on the server, there's been a lot of talking about her as satan (it's been clarified by mousey that all she remembers is that she's a demon from hell) and her as bad's boss, and i wanted to do a bit of a deep dive on bad's demon lore through both a "pop culture" view and a more traditional biblical view.

in pop culture we've had a lot of mixing up of demon lore in general, with the prevalent idea that demons are creations of hell, and not all of them necessarily fallen angels or previously heavenly beings — it's a perfectly valid analysis, but i'm firmly convinced that bad's character is not just any demon, but instead very much a powerful demon that was once an angel.

let's start with what we do know of q!bad's personal history and slot things into their proper place. we know he's around 11600 years old (making his "date of birth" somewhere around 9577 BC. we also know he arrived in this world (which in this case we have to assume is whichever dimension qsmp is held in) in 9600 BC which means he lived the majority of his life away from his home — he was barely 23 when he "moved".

we also know that he didn't come to this dimension willingly, that he was summoned and in that summoning he caused serious destruction — it's been made pretty apparent that the man sunk atlantis, and frankly there's still a question as to whether he did it on accident or not, or the reason why he keeps it hidden. according to bonnie the horse, he sent them a lot of "salty souls" once, and bonnie has also dubbed bad "death of the sea". it doesn't matter whether bad is hiding because what he did made him famous, or because he feels terrible — what matters here is that one singular demon was able to cause the destruction and sinking of a whole civilization singlehandedly. he was also able to do it at a pretty young age.

we also know that bad has eaten souls before (as well as anything he can get in his mouth, apparently), that he's got a way to avoid being summoned (as he told dapper he'd let him know later) and that for better or for worse, he's immortal. so, it's safe to say that bad is an extremely powerful being that cannot be killed by any means, and who has enough control over himself to not only hide his true nature but also contain himself to the highest degree.

speaking of death, bad's relationship with it is very interesting on a few levels. we know he's employed as a grim reaper (and that being a grim reaper is completely removed from his origins, it's just a job) and that to one degree or another, he's acknowledged mumza as the goddess of death as being canonical to him as well (yesterday tallulah spoke about death as a beautiful woman, and bad confirmed to chat she meant mumza).

but what is a grim reaper?

traditionally, grim reapers (or those who served their role) were nothing more than physical manifestations of death with the purpose of easing humans from one plane into the next. they're friendly and kind, and historically for the longest time (up until the middle ages and the plague) they were positive figures, reminiscent at many times of angels.

now, onto angels. angels biblically are far from the cherubic vision we see most often — they're whatever they're needed for. they can be kind-hearted messengers, but they're also warriors and if need be, and they can be incredibly dangerous to humans. why did some fall? simple enough, they sinned. there are passages in the bible regarding the fall of angels and they're described as losing the war in heaven, being cast down with "satan" (while satan and lucifer are not entirely interchangeable and they're often considered two different people, biblically today they're presumed to be the same so let's just roll with it for now) into hell. other passages speak of angels who sinned against god and who await judgement in hell.

but what does any of this have to do with badboyhalo, you ask? well… more than it seems at first if you put it all together. on a basic level, bad wouldn't be considered your average demon — yes, he's full of mischief, has an odd moral compass, and can be incredibly violent, but he's also very kind, and very gentle, and very very loving. there are contradictions in his personality that could be discounted as meta… but the evidence continues to pile up. bad is full of angel iconography, from the actual halo in his name and in his preferred design, but his new build in his home is really beating us over the head with it — he build two statues that can only be described as holy warriors, dark and demon-y but with a golden halo and beautiful white wings.

then, there's "the chair". which is not a chair, it's very much a throne, but for whatever reason bad seems vehemently opposed to admitting that it is, in fact, a throne — it's huge, and full of dark and red blocks, fire… and behind it? huge angel wings. now, one could argue that they're bones, but there are details in the blocks that very clearly allude to feathers — the idea of white feathery wings is a direct parallel to angels, and i think it's very intentional.

who, then, is badboyhalo? i'd put my money on his personal lore being connected to the demonology idea of "the princes of hell" — angels who fell from the grace of god, and took up their kingdoms in hell. i'm fully convinced that bad is a prince of hell. now, which one? that's trickier, and not something we know enough to real pinpoint, especially when you consider that the identity of the princes of hell is pretty fluid — there's a lot of different texts who name different demons, so i'm choosing to simplify it until we get more information.

tl;dr - badboyhalo is not just any ol' demon, but a fallen angel — one of the "princes of hell".

a special thanks to @comradeboyhalo because this post was very handy!

#qsmp #q!badboyhalo #qsmp theory #qsmp analysis #qsmp badboyhalo #long post #this is..... too long and convoluted but here we go

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ileftherbackhome · 5 months ago

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someone brought up a good point that the narrative of ttpd is like he was the one telling taylor he would marry her and i agree but my long rambly post was more about the fact that she was willing to believe such bullshit obvious lies says something about who she was in that moment of time and her mentality.

the narrative of midnights is her wondering if she should leave joe for ratty and then ttpd is like the aftermath of that decision. taylor decided to tear her entire world apart based on the promises a man in her dms was telling her while they were both in relationships with other people. she thought she had it wrong with joe (and she did ultimately have it wrong but only because she had to change who she was as a person to date him which nobody should ever try to do imo) so she decided to date ratty instead. and my critique is more of why the fuck did she believe that this was "one true love" and her "soulmate" scenario.

the fact that she was willing to believe that man was her future husband says a lot about how she views herself and what she was looking for at the time. she wanted to get married and she was willing to follow whatever road promised to get her there first.

that's really what i was trying to dissect in that post because i feel like it says so much about what taylor believes in that she was willing to believe some cheating asshole was her true love just to get married. like to me that is the most interesting part of ttpd, dissecting taylor's beliefs around gender roles and how she feels failing to obtain the most basic thing that society says a woman who looks like her should be able to get.

i find the desperation to find a husband evident throughout this record and it seems really clear to me that taylor still holds onto some harmful patriarchial viewpoints on romance because the harm that she is willing to engage in to get married is wild imo.

her getting on stage to say cardigan was about ratty is wild when she claimed that joe and her wrote that song together. to me, the only conclusion i can come to from that is that taylor wrote songs about her desire to fuck ratty with joe, in front of joe, and then released those songs to the world. to me, that behavior alone and then writing a whole documentary where u say that james and betty end up together that anyone can back and watch now and now you're talking about yourself and ratty....

wild ass shit. wild ass behavior.

to me, this says a lot about her desire to get married and how willing she was to behave in such self destructive mannerisms in order to feel like she had some control over her life. idk like i just cannot stop thinking about the events of last year and what they say about the whole lover through midnights eras and it's just so....... yucky to think about anyone behaving like that and justifying it behind "true love" bullshit.

idk to me, i think its very interesting that the last lines of the standard edition is "you look like taylor swift... you've got edge she never did" because frankly, there are a lot of jagged edges to who taylor swift is as a person and she spent the whole record detailing just a few of them.

i think that again, taylor swift was like 30+ talking to her side piece and calling that true love in her head and that alone is worthy of critique. it's truly weird behavior to engage in when she has all the money in the world to leave an unhappy relationship without emotionally cheating on her partner for years and writing songs about it with them. ugh i truly cannot get over last year because wow what a fucking clusterfuck dude.

but going back to clara bow for a second, i find it interesting those are the last lines because to me i find them very sarcastic in nature i guess. like especially with the context of ms americana she is conditioned to want to be a good girl and she grew up in the public eye in 2006-2017 which is frankly a horrible time to be a famous girl, especially if u fit the beauty standard and she did and does.

like of course taylor doesnt have edge to the general public because they demean her and belittle everything she does by making fun of her and the. shaming her for having the audacity to feel anything about it. sadness, rage, guilt, acceptance, all of it is used against her unless she plays the 1989 girl.

you can see it in how she is portraying her current life and especially how she portrayed it after her break up with joe. she used the media to her advantage to both self sabatoge and craft this narrative that joe didnt hurt her actually and she left him first and she's totally cool with it, juat angry that's all because she gave it her best, she swears.

and like it's all so fucking disingenuous to me imo because it's clear from ttpd that she was not okay at all and honestly the only people she was fooling were the vipers hanging around for gossip because her fans on here especially were not convinced that she was as happy as she claimed to be.

and like idk it all says something about how she views fame, how she views public life, how she views romance when you really take ttpd and put it into context with all of the last four to five years of her life. and to me its more interesting to talk about how the fuck someone could believe such obvious bullshit at taylor's age because also keep in mind....

not only is taylor in her 30s but she has also been lied to several times in order for her partners to fuck her and it's like... haven't you learned by now? how many times do you need to learn the lesson that men dont propose marriage to a person they're not even dating, let alone make it 6 months with. like that's not even getting into the whole like pining for your ex while dating someone else thing thats super fucking gross behavior that sounds good re the way i loved you but is actually really fucking toxic to engage in irl because these are real people you're fucking with just so you can feel good about yourself.

idk like to me the confessions on ttpd that folkmore was about ratty and she would literally sneak away to see that man while dating joe says so much about who she is and what she values in life and i think its worthy of some critique tbh but also some examination.

she's not the first person to feel like this and judging by how many of you love the emotional cheating songs, she's clearly not the last person either. like why do women feel like its acceptable to emotionally cheat but why do we accept that behavior from women? its like the normalization of physical cheating from men that we do as a society.

idk i find it all very interesting to think about especially the broader societal concepts and what it says about how much yall enjoy the worst songs on this album. not worst as in bad sonically just worst lyrics ever and yall just really like it or relate to it in a way that i personally do not understand how.

i can understand it if you are young actually under 25 but anyone older that is vibing with these songs... how? idk like i feel like the youth having problematic love ideas is normal and to be expected but whenever i see older swifties talking about how much they relate to the emotional cheating songs i just feel so... weird inside because once again how.

its like i can understand the desire to cheat when you're unsatisfied but either talk to your partner about the thing u want to fix or get the fuck out if they refuse to try and work things out with u. why are u emotionally cheating. how are u getting to that point. why. just fucking leave.

i can understand it from like normal people who are married and cant afford divorce or are being abused etc etc but taylor has much more money and way more houses than joe does or did. she wasnt married. there were no kids to think about. she could have left as soon as she realized he didnt want to change anything about their relationship while she did instead of cheating for months to years on him.

idk i just find it very interesting to think about how even money and wealth cannot stop you from idealizing hollywood too much as a child and trying to be an icon instead of a human being in a way. like i try to unlearn these biases myself and its interesting to think about how you can have all the resources at your fingers and still refuse to grow and change as a person in any way that matters to the point of self harm and sabatoge.

this got so fucking long holy shit anyways

#personal #taylor swift #ttpd #my jaylor heart #this post is even longer pls feel free to ignore im being baked af and thinking too hard about taylor swift again

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scrawnydutchman · 3 years ago

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Why George Harrison Was the Best Beatle

I’m back with another essay! Since I’ve been inspired by the recent release of the ‘Get Back’ documentary on Disney+ I wanted to take this time to share the most basic opinion on planet earth.

I. LOVE. THE. BEATLES.

They are easily my favorite band to ever exist, no contest. They’re often regarded as the best band of all time and folks who say they’re overrated are just desperate to sound original (yeah I said it, come at me). No band before or since has accomplished as much for music as these four lads from Liverpool. Everything they’ve done from their music to their stage performances to their on screen personalities to their active stances to their recording techniques to their album art changed so much about the world in so little time. I’ve absorbed so much niche information about these four and, at one point, dedicated an entire day to listening to every song ever officially released under the Beatles label. Honestly, what can I say that hasn’t already been said fifty million times by everyone with a pulse?

. . . . How about George Harrison was the best one?

Most people say John or Paul because the two of them have written the grand majority of the Beatles songs together and some even say Ringo simply because he was the most fun and charismatic . . but to this day I see George get the shaft all too often. George may not have contributed nearly as much songwriting in the Beatles run as Lennon or McCartney, but that wasn’t due to lack of talent. It took a long time for his voice to be appreciated in the bands makeup and honestly, as amazing as the Beatles were, I strongly believe that they were worse off for it. George was the most skilled, the most sincere, the most interesting and frankly the most genius of the Beatles and you don’t really see it until you stop to think about it. So without further ado, let me break it down. Here’s why George is secretly the best Beatle.

1. He was the youngest

when the Beatles were first forming into the fab four we know today, Lennon was 16, McCartney was 15 . . . .and George Harrison was 14. He was often questioned for his tender age and even made fun of by his cohorts, but he immediately impressed the group with his killer guitar skills and was brought in as lead guitarist. Think about that. Despite Lennon and McCartney having a one or two year lead on George he managed to impress them so much that he took such a major position on the band’s composition.

2. He wrote some of the best Beatles songs ever

While it’s true that George Harrison’s songwriting contributions to the band are dwarfed by the Lennon/McCartney duo, that makes it all the more impressive that many of his songs ended up being some of the most iconic Beatles songs ever. “Here Comes the Sun” is the highest played Beatles song on Spotify. Many famous artists like Frank Sinatra agree that “Something” is the greatest love song ever made. “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” is one of the most popular songs on the White Album by a wide margin. Both Lennon and McCartney have gone on record saying that George’s songs on Abbey Road were the best on the whole record.

I would go as far as say that many of his other contributions to the band are underrated as well. “I Me Mine” is a great song to go back to on the “Let It Be” record. “Long Long Long” is my personal favorite song from the White Album as it has such a captivating ethereal energy that’s beautifully complimented by Ringo’s carefully chosen drumming. “Blue Jay Way” is one of the Beatles more interesting and uncanny dives into the surreal and that’s saying a LOT. Both “The Inner Light” and “Within You Without You” played a huge part in introducing western audiences to Indian style music. George had a lot more interesting things going on than he ever got credit for and, to be frank, the fact that his body of work on the Beatles doesn’t compare in scope to Lennon/McCartney also means that he didn’t have as many duds.

3. He often made the best contributions to other songs

What would so many of the Beatles’ most popular songs without George’s clever contributions that tie it all together? That iconic four note hook on “And I love Her?” That was George’s idea. The spectacular guitar solo on “The End”? That was George. The Sitar backing on “Norwegian Wood (This Bird Had Flown)”? I mean . . . do I even need to say it? And then of course, George played a big part in helping Ringo develop what is easily his best songwriting contribution to the band “Octopus’ Garden” (but to be fair Ringo’s only other songwriting credit in all of the Beatles history is “Don’t Pass Me By” which . . . . . I’m gonna stop here to avoid being mean).

For as much as George is dismissed in the songwriting department in the Beatles’ longstanding history, he is often responsible for the most memorable parts in a lot of songs.

4. He had the best Solo Career of any Beatle

Before the Beatles had officially broken up, George had already debuted his solo record “All Things Must Pass”. If you want the perfect indicator for how much of a genius George was, go to that album. John, Paul and Ringo all had a bit of a rocky start post-Beatles but George came out SWINGING, and All Things Must Pass is a prime indicator on the genius Lennon and McCartney were holding back by not letting George has as many contributions to each album.

George has plenty of bangers past that album too. “Here Comes the Moon” is a beautiful lullaby-like song that is an obvious callback to “Here Comes the Sun” and managed to be uplifting in a way that feels totally appropriate for the night time. “All Those Years Ago” is a beautiful little tribute to John Lennon after his untimely death. Give Me Love (Peace on Earth) is a beautiful and uplifting song. “When We Was Fab” is another great callback to the Beatles. “I Got My Mind Set On You” is a bop.

Also, George co wrote what is perhaps the most famous song of Ringo’s solo career, “Photograph”. Once again, George coming in to give his buddy Ringo a hand.

So yeah. George Harrison was a brilliant musician and probably my favorite ever. His contributions to the Beatles are very underrated and he has a body of work that is absolutely worth exploring.

#the beatles #beatles #george harrison #harrison #rock #rock and roll #60s

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anarmorofwords · 3 years ago

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Why Cordelia going to Matthew's and leaving for Paris made perfect sense

I've been thinking about this a lot, and I know it's a hot topic in the fandom. When I initially read ChoI, I was very on board with this - yes, it wouldn't help them and was reckless and selfish and all that, but story-wise and character arc wise, it was a decision I enjoyed.

After some time in the fandom I sort of changed my mind, focusing strongly on the negative consequences and Sona/Alastair.

Not so long ago, I was whining with Lela @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 about the "If he hurts you, come back home" quote and the lost potential there. You know I live for Carstairs siblings content.

And to be fair, I'm still mad about that.

But just as making all the good decisions wouldn't make for very compelling storytelling, judging these poor dumbasses' choices too harshly makes little sense to me, especially when we're dissecting their actions while forgetting the circumstances, the emotions, and the fact that these characters aren't aware of all the things readers are aware of.

And thinking about Cordelia's pov, it's actually pretty clear to me why she would go to Matthew of all people, and why she did leave for Paris.

We're talking about how selfish it was to leave her heavily pregnant mother and brother who's been through so much and would really use her support, and when you put it this way, it sure sucks.

But it's not at all the way Cordelia sees this.

At the end of ChoI it's clear just how heavily she's crushed by being Lilith's paladin. That's her main focus, something that occupies - haunts - her thoughts all the time. She's not only ashamed, she's scared. She's scared she will hurt people (she already got dangerously close to that once), and she wants to save her family from possible negative repercussions. So she's not abandoning her family - she's removing herself from their vicinity, to make sure they won't become casualties of her mistake.

Obviously that's not her one and only motivation. She's a 17 year old girl whose heart has just been broken, which, frankly, would have been reason enough. But then there's also things she's been through before that - from the complicated marriage (that she's awfully young for), the constant threat of a serial killer, and her father's tragic death.

Then there's her seeking comfort from Matthew instead of Alastair, and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense, too. I used to think "home" should be her first instinct, where she heads immediately, because that's the most natural thing. And her home is obviously her family, her brother.

Except... her relationship with Alastair is still a little shaky and unsure, and regardless of their efforts, they still aren't particularly close when it comes to sharing their feelings with each other.

Moreover, when it comes to the marriage/James... Cordelia doesn't want to dissapoint her mother - being a good daughter, upholding/saving family's reputation and overall living up to the "golden child" title is basically one of her main drivers throughout the series. And in her eyes, the truth behind her marriage to James is a big failure in all those areas. Add cheating to that? She thinks admitting that to Sona would break her mother's heart and also cause her shame, which she wants to avoid. I think she's partly ashamed of admitting all that to Alastair, too. We know she likes making her brother proud, and he warned her against being with James, which she didn't listen to. And if her pride wouldn't be wounded enough by that, there's also the fact that she still loves James. I think she fears Alastair would judge her for that. And if there's anything that might keep you from seeking comfort from the people you love, it's the fear of facing their dissaproval and causing them pain.

Matthew, however, is someone whose presence allows her to feel free and comfortable, and be herself, with no expectations attached. Most importantly though, he's the only person who already knows everything - not only about the nature of the marriage, but about Cordelia's true feelings for James, too. And he feels for her, understands her, and offers support with no judgement or pity. Like him or not, Matthew's been a steady friend - perhaps the closest one - to her for the past four months.

Now, to get back to the Paladin point once again, Matthew is someone who's also made a terrible mistake, which consequences still haunt him. Someone who considers himself a monster - and although Cordelia doesn't agree with that, that means he will understand her own guilt and terror. I don't know about you, but I personally sometimes forget just how horrifying the whole Lilith ordeal must have been to Cordelia - while she almost killed her best friend. That's awful, traumatising, and absolutely a valid reason for her to be slightly out of it.

Lastly, a small but not insignificant thing that might have also played into her decision, in my opinion - this girl deserves a break, goddamit. Through lonely, uneventful childhood, to the stressful time she spent trying to salvage family's reputation, constantly keeping herself in check and plotting, and finally to an emotionally draining marriage she's never had a chance to let go and have fun and feel free. We see the longing for that clearly during her car journey with Matthew - the longing to escape the weigh she herself - and others - have put on her shoulders. She wants to just breathe for a moment, instead of being a golden child, a respectable heiress of a famous family, a perfect wife.

So in a way, she is running away from her mistakes, responsibilities, and consequences, but doesn't she have every right to do that?

disclaimer: this is mostly my attempt at organizing my own thoughts on the matter, and, in case it's not obvious, everyone's totally allowed to disagree and have their own opinions; as long as you keep it civil, we can discuss that, or just agree to disagree and keep on scrolling

#the last hours #tlh #shadowhunters #chain of iron #the shadowhunter chronicles #cordelia carstairs #spilling the tea #long post #but the first time i saw you. queue

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serene-victory-77 · 3 years ago

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Why The Crows Being Teenagers Is Actually Perfectly Realistic

There’s a TL;DR are the end because wow I like to rant.

I lightly discuss the general situations they’re all in to explore how they are frighteningly mature and competent, but it’s not particularly depressing or descriptive, it’s definitely lighter than the books

I thought about this post with a joke first: “People who think that Six of Crows is unrealistic because they’re so young clearly have not spent much time with traumatized honors students.”

It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the point stands.

But I decided that, hm, actually, I could make a point about this. I totally agree with the aging up of the characters in the Shadow and Bone show, but when people straight up say that the books are wrong or unrealistic for having a young crew, I get annoyed, and here’s why (other than me reading the books for the first time when I was 13 and thinking ‘Huh okay, I see it’ and now being lowkey offended when people say they ignore it for being unrealistic):

On Inej

- At first I thought Inej’s wisdom and general demeanor was one of the most unrealistic things in the book

- When I thought about it longer, I was like “Actually, she’s 16, right? I’ve sent some of the most lyrical philosophy trying to help my friends while in high school. My friends have done the same. It’s valid.”

- Frankly, teenagers love hard-hitting philosophical truths. They love repeating what they’ve read or heard in movies and in books and from family stories. They love sharing little bits of wisdom they have come up with

- Inej’s ability to hear and understand philosophy and wisdom that she was surrounded by for 14 straight years and then sit on it and elaborate it for her friends to understand, or even just to piss them off in Kaz’s case?

- Teenagers have that. They do it. So, Inej’s Wisdom passes, to me. It’s valid.

As for her being calm

- You know how everyone jokes that Kaz seems calm on the outside but when you get to his POV he’s like “What the fuck” at the Van Eck house or just straight up “Huh, is this revenge for making tree jokes” at the Djel River thingy in the Ice Court?

- Inej is like that, too. And she gets angry, and she gets confused, or exhausted.

- AKA every quiet kid ever. Like, are you kidding? Have you ever been in a situation in which it’s literally chaos all around you, people are screaming and things are being destroyed (think middle school classroom with bitchy long term substitute and even worse students), and you’re just, calm? You pick up your things, you do what you need to do?

- That’s Inej. Like, what else is she gonna do? She’s smart enough to know that panicking won’t help anyone, and so she just rides it out. Internally she might be like “Why is this happening” but frankly, her being quiet and controlled in most situations is probably a coping mechanism and I respect that

- Pretty sure this is also based on the fact that the Suli have no land for their own and constantly have to keep moving. It might align with generational trauma, I’m sure someone could explain it better than me, but being able to keep your cool while constantly having to change and adapt to new situations, in, say, a country with hellfire politics and no land to call your own? Seems like a hereditary trait that could be useful in Ketterdam, although it’s sad.

On Inej’s abilities

- Simone Biles started training when she was 6 and went to the World Artistic Gymnastics Championships when she was 16, where she qualified in all the events.

- There are videos of people walking over tightropes as young as three years old. We know Inej didn’t start that young, but not only was she naturally talented at it, but she spent a lot of time practicing. I think it’s valid. Plus, some of her family members do some pretty crazy things in her flashbacks, because that’s the whole point of what they do.

- Youngest person to beat American Ninja Warrior was 16 year old Vance Walker

- Inej has a variety of of tools that help her wall climb, and while it’s true that she started young and got good really fast, she already had a history of physical work that would help her, and from what we can gleam from the book, a surprising amount of free time in which she was actively encouraged to learn everything she could.

So that’s Inej! I think her skills are perfectly possible for someone with her history and situation. It’s true that she’s naturally skilled, but that’s not actually all that unusual. And her demeanor and wisdom do fit in with what a lot of teenagers are like and the circumstances she was brought up in

Onto Kaz!

- One thing I hear about is that Kaz is too smart for not having gone to school and also too young to know all that he does

- Do you all KNOW how many self-taught people there have been in this world? The word for people who are self-taught is autodidacts, and honestly a huge amount of famous people apply. Like many, many other people in history (there’s a whole list of them in Wikipedia), he had an vested interest in a field and he learned all he could. Sure, those fields were magic tricks and math, but still.

- Suddenly I have a lot of thoughts

- Okay, think, hyperfixations. That’s essentially what Kaz’s thing with magic tricks was, right? Have any of you ever spent time with an eight year old that clearly really, really loves dinosaurs? Those kids can spout names and facts and identify them by their skeletons and frankly know more than I ever will. Kaz’s was magic tricks. All kids are special.

- Kaz continued working on magic tricks and practicing them for years, so, I think that gets a pass.

- As for the math! Look, a Fact Of Life is that some kids are just Like That, whether it be possibly from neurodivergence or other factors:

- Flo and Kay Lyman are twins with Autism who basically have the calendar of EVER memorized. Kaz memorizing card decks is sensible, and these ladies don’t need to look up anything to figure it out, so Kaz doing sums inside his head seems plausible. His “photographic memory’ isn’t impossible, although the term itself might be incorrect.

- Katherine Johnson who worked at NASA (yes, the lady from Hidden Figures), was so good at math that she was in high school by age 10 and went to college at age 15. It’s true that she had some teaching, but 1. There’s no evidence Kaz had absolutely no schooling, even if it was just at home with books and 2. Kaz was 9 when he came to Ketterdam, and after Jordie died, when he wasn’t surviving, he was learning.

- Human calculator is a term that is applied to children a lot and there’s definitely plenty of videos showing how smart these kids are and them doing mental math easily, which he does in the books

- He had a LOT of pressure on him to figure out all he could, and if he wanted to move forward, he was going to have to learn a lot. He spent hours practicing magic tricks, for all we know he spent hours practicing math too. We know Jordie was a bit of a bookworm too, so Kaz from a young age probably already had a reason to learn. Personally, a lot of my love for books was inspired by my older sibling when I was younger

- Young people are adaptable. Kaz is incredibly adaptable. The term prodigy exists because of people like him through history.

- As for him being rational, there’s no other way to survive. Some of the greatest soldiers in history have been very, very young, and very, very smart. It’s true tacticians are generally considered to be older, but that doesn’t mean there haven’t been very young ones.

- A lot of the generals I found were like, 19 years old, but Kaz is 1. not a general and 2. in a place where young people take up the mantle really, really quickly, and frankly it’s been like that for a long time. I still think this passes. This isn’t relevant but William the Conqueror was apparently called “The Bastard”?

- Frankly, underground communities of thieves probably don’t go around publishing their escapades so to me it makes sense that I can’t just look up “famous young thieves” and get anything that makes sense, but I did try

- Y’all I tried to do research on youngest escape artists since I think Kaz qualifies and I found myself in what I think is a magicians forum? It’s from 2002-ish and I feel like I’ve just found a relic. I can’t definitely prove they’re all saying the truth, but some of the people there talk about 10-11 year olds at magic camps, so, it’s not impossible for this to be a skill Kaz learned really young, particularly when he made a habit of following around magicians

- I think he passes the realism check overall

For the other Crows:

- Nina being so proficiently multilingual makes sense to me, because she’s been in the Little Palace almost her entire life with all the best teachers they could afford at her disposal. Some people just click with languages. One such would be Timothy Doner, who spoke 23 languages at 16.

- Nina is a child soldier. She of course can handle the battlefield, although I imagine there’s a degree of trauma that she has to deal with (although it’s true that most of her work was always meant to angle her towards being a spy).

- Jesper was taught to shoot from a young age by Aditi, who was likely incredibly proficient. Plus, there’s mentions of him and his father being on some sort of frontier at one point in the books, so, it’s likely that Jesper got his fair share of ‘being a child soldier” since he would’ve been 15 or younger. Plus, with being a Fabrikator, he gets a leg up

- Jesper’s smart y’all, he just also likes to have fun

- I am a little terrified by the fact that I looked up ‘youngest sharpshooter’ and found out about a 9 year old girl (Addysson “Addy” Soltau) who can indeed shoot guns, but uh, it does prove my point

- Matthias... I haven’t heard anyone really argue about Matthias. He’s the oldest at 18 and again, he’s essentially a religious child soldier. Of course he would be built af and know how to handle himself in a fight, and in a flashback about meeting Trassel, we’re told that he was actually distanced from the other boys and was the biggest and strongest/smartest of the group. Perhaps not compared to Kaz, but still

- We know how Wylan ended up how he is, so I don’t think i have to defend how he’s both a musical prodigy, good at math, and good at chemistry. Plenty of kids who can’t do one thing will immediately gravitate to a different field (think AP math students who can’t write essays, or those kids who could analyse a book and it’s metaphors in class but didn’t understand geometry).

- Granted he took it far but it’s kinda implied that his father ignored him eventually and what else was Wylan going to do

- I don’t really know how he did chemistry while not being able to read the symbols and stuff, but that’s likely because I’ve never had to learn the way he did and also I really suck at Chemistry, but I refuse to believe that it invalidates his capabilities

Final Thoughts:

- They’re Traumatized Honors Students

- People might say that “it’s unrealistic that all the smart ones somehow ended up together” but again they’re traumatized honors students and those gravitate to each other

- Of course the smart ones ended up together, they’re the ones in those crazy situations precisely because they are prodigies. Nina wouldn’t have met Matthias if she wasn’t skilled and a spy, Kaz wouldn’t have known Inej if she hadn’t been skilled at silence (I can’t explain that one but uh ninjas did/do exist and it IS still a fantasy world). Kaz would have never been a leader of the Dregs in a position to find Jesper if he hadn’t been so determined to rise to the top, and Jesper wouldn’t have been in Ketterdam if his father hadn’t thought that Jesper was smart enough to get that chance.

- You know how those fringe revolutionary artists for new eras end up knowing all knowing each other and even hanging out? That’s them.

- I have decided there is a strong basis for Autistic Kaz, someone who is more studied than me should feel free to explore this.

- I read this book a few years ago, A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah. It’s about this guy’s experiences as a boy soldier and it’s a painful read so I’m not sure I recommend it as a casual read, but he talked about these young kids being able to actually make competent military strategies and handle warfare. It’s an extreme example of what I’m trying to explain when it comes to them being able to handle the brutality of their situation, but it’s true, essentially

- They are definitely serious, but if you think they’re not teenagers I just, disagree so much. They have moments of lighthearted banter, they make light of their situation, they try to support each other Nina covers it so well in her farewell at the end of Crooked Kingdom: The little rescues of laughing at each others jokes or eating together and just supporting each other, is not only a very human thing, but a very teenager thing.

- Scary experiences that shape us happen all the time, and although for most it’s not the things that the Crows experience, picking each other up is a big part of why they do read as teenagers to me. I’ve seen kids be able to seriously converse about things like being questioned by the police, or being left to their own devices for days at a time, or the general impending doom they all feel, and it’s dark, but they’re also going to joke about silly puns 20 minutes later.

- Teenagers aren’t exempt from terrifying maturity and competence

- Finally: Despite all I said, it’s a fantasy story and doesn’t have to be realistic

In the end, everyone can believe what they want to believe, but this is my case for my opinion.

TL;DR The Crows are all prodigies and a lot of their achievements and capabilities are based in reality and there are real people who actually achieved things like what they’ve done. Messed up prodigies gravitate to messed up prodigies, hence how they all end up together. When it comes to their mental state, most of them have been brought up their entire lives in situations that required for them to problem solve and keep their cool even when things are going to hell.

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whereisten · 4 years ago

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True Love

A Jeno fic that’s a part of our Halloween Series!

Summary: You, an employee at an entertainment company, are immune to the charms of their biggest star Lee Jeno.

Pairing: Rockstar! Jeno x female reader

Genre: romance, drama, fantasy, suspense

Warning: alcohol use, smut mention, stalking, manipulation

Word Count: 4.3k

(A/N: Hiya! I’m so sorry for the delay! It’s been so hectic lol! Thank you so much for your support and patience! Hope you enjoy! And shoutout to Krys for keeping me sane and for all of her love and support. I love you! :D)

___

To everyone in the world, Lee Jeno was the epitome of perfection and rock royalty. He was a gifted musician from the very young age of five, having specialized in several instruments in his childhood. However, his heart gravitated to the guitar. He became a trainee at LCF Entertainment and along with four other trainees, they became the world famous rock band, Temptation.

He was ranked in the top 23 in World Magazine’s Sexiest Men Alive this year. He was a walking and talking Adonis with a heartwarming smile.

Jeno was a man of many talents but he certainly didn’t let it get to his head. He was a humanitarian, a UNICEF ambassador, fostered shelter animals, was the proud owner of three cats even though he was allergic, a great family man (funding his siblings’ college tuition and providing for his parents so they could retire early), etc. He did it all and he had it all.

How could anyone be immune to his charms?

People wondered who would be the queen that would reign beside him when he settled down. Frankly, one couldn’t be anything short of a supermodel on the verge of sainthood. So many hopeful contenders were discouraged from pursuing him.

Jeno’s dating life was non-existent, the paparazzi dreaded to inform.

But you were an employee of LCF Entertainment so you knew the truth, as well as the true nature of the famous Lee Jeno. He was basically like any other young man with an inflated ego. He was cocky, a huge flirt when the cameras were off, very picky, and demanding. But no one ever dared speak a word of his true nature to the paparazzi. And you always wondered why. Someone had to bring him down a few pegs.

You were the staff photographer and videographer, in charge of capturing Jeno’s good and “relatable but still unbelievably glamorous” sides. When the camera was on, that was when you felt at ease.

It didn’t help that Jeno liked you either. Although you’d been working with Temptation and the individual members for a few years now, it was only recently that Jeno really was set on it pursuing you.

When you switched off the camera after the recording of Jeno’s backstage vlog, he sat comfortably at his makeup chair and proceeded to ask, “Y/n, will you go out with me now?”

You answered immediately, “No.”

Jeno gave you a sad puppy dog face. “Why not?”

“We’ve gone over this. I would get fired.” You wanted to spare his feelings so that was what you always said when he asked you out.

Jeno groaned. “You would not. I wouldn’t let that happen.”

You snorted. “You think you have that kind of power, Lee?”

He liked when you called him by his last name. “That’s because I do have that power, y/n. The new company building is funded solely out of my earnings from my last solo album.”

You whistled. “There’s that humility I’m always reading about in O!What Magazine…”

Jeno smiled. “You read articles about me?”

“I do when my name is in the article, boss.” You started packing up your equipment, ready to call it a day and head home.

Jeno got out of his chair and stood over you. He smelled of Dior Sauvage, cologne from his latest brand endorsement. He wore his stage clothes from his solo concert rehearsal. A sleeveless jean jacket top that parted down the middle to show his abs. Along his abs, silver chains dangled and added a nice glimmer effect when he was on stage. The entire team was thrilled to see how the audience would eat it up.

He whispered into your ear, “Y/n.”

Truthfully? He was attractive. You’d always had a little crush on him but it was of a shallow nature. You liked him for his looks. Not so much for his personality. You’d known too much.

If Jeno had been any other regular guy, you would’ve been open to a one-night stand.

But Jeno wasn’t just any regular guy.

You tried to hide the fact that shivers ran down your spine. “Stop.”

He chuckled. “But I can see you through the reflection, y/n...You're crossing your legs…”

You’d hoped he wasn’t that perceptive but it turned out he was. You hid away the fact that you were turned on. Your panties were damp but you’d be damned if he ever knew that.

You met Jeno’s perfectly lined eyes as he looked at you unapologetically. Everyone else from the staff already left. Jeno’s manager was waiting downstairs to take him to the radio station J-423 for his upcoming interview.

You were breathless now. “Jeno, you’re going to be late-”

He pulled you into him and kissed you, easily slipping his tongue into your mouth and working magic against yours. You couldn’t help but return his kiss. His mouth was paradise and you wondered what else he could do with it.

He let you go after a few minutes and cupped your face. “So are you going to deny that there’s something going on here?”

You tried to catch your breath as you wiped your lipstick off of Jeno’s mouth. “No, I guess not...But this is where it stops.”

Jeno frowned. “Y/n…”

“I know where I stand. And you know it, too. And Jeno, I don’t like you that way...I’m sorry.” You caressed his face and grabbed your things, leaving Jeno with an unreadable expression on his face.

___

As a member of LCF Entertainment, your ultimate goal was profit. That was what you had to know from the very beginning. There was no such thing as LCF Family or truly prioritizing the idols. Everyone was after themselves. Whoever brought the most money to the company would get the most attention and special treatment. And that was Jeno.

And you, an aspiring film director, were thankful to be on his team because this experience could open doors for you in the future as a director. Sure, Jeno was a diva and he couldn’t stop flirting with you, but the experience wasn’t all that bad. And yeah it was frustrating that the media and the public perceived Jeno to be the nation’s sweetheart. But in the end, he wasn’t hurting anyone.

He was only hurting people’s wallets.

Temptation’s merchandise always sold out quickly but Jeno’s individual merch was always the first to sell out. And it was the first to get resold for twice and sometimes even triple the price. The fanbase was very merciless and selfish with each other. However, the scalpers were the true evil. That was less money going to your company, after all.

Even though frontman Jeno was the most popular member of Temptation, it was Temptation’s drummer Xiaojun that you had a massive crush on for a long time now. You even accumulated a secret collection of his merch. You were two photocards away from completing your Xiaojun album photocard collection.

Xiaojun even admitted to liking you back but you both kept it a secret from everyone else in the world, especially LCF. You two weren’t about to compromise your jobs. However, since Temptation was the biggest moneymaker in the game and the boys had been with the company for quite some time now, their dating ban was lifted.

Which explained why Jeno had been asking you out all week, not caring who listened and it freaked you out.

If Jeno’s fans ever found out he asked you out, they would pin the blame on you.

A week had passed since you told Jeno you weren’t interested in him. You felt bad for hurting him but you were also worried about his mood. He had the power to get you dismissed. You refused to believe he would be so cruel.

And up until this point, you were right. You were still employed and Jeno spoke with you like any other day, talking about camera angles and new concepts for upcoming shoots.

The end of another work week and Xiaojun surprises you on your way to the bus stop.

“Y/n,” Xiaojun pulls up beside you in his Porsche. He looked so elegant in a pale blue sweater and blue jeans. His face was concealed by a mask so he could leave undetected. But you’d recognized those eyebrows anywhere.

“Hey. What are you doing here?”

“I...I think we should finally talk…”

“About?”

He smiled. “About dating.”

You nearly dropped your phone out of your hand from the shock. “Really?”

He said, “Get in so I can drive you home!”

You nodded fervently and got into his passenger seat. Was this really happening?

On the drive home, Xiaojun told you he wanted to take it slow and have indoor dates with you first. You couldn’t agree more. He even surprised you with a brand new pair of AirPods after you told him that your brother took them from you.

The first of many gifts, he told you.

You got home that night and screamed excitedly into your pillow so as not to frighten your roommates

___

It has been a month since you and Xiaojun started seeing each other. You were on cloud nine. He would visit you at your apartment and would play with his dog Bella. Bella loved you a little more than she loved Xiaojun so you two would always bicker and end the night in each other’s arms.

Jeno noticed the spring in your step as you filmed his cooking vlog. He was showing his fans how he cooked breakfast for himself when he had down time. He was in a plain white T-shirt and a pair of drawstring trousers. He looked relaxed and for many, delectable, as his hair was wet from a shower. He was trying very hard to get your attention once again.

He anticipated you averting your eyes and stuttering at the sight of him but nothing. You whistled while you adjusted the tripod’s position.

“What’s got you so happy?” Jeno asked.

You nearly jumped at his question. You decided to be upfront. “I’m seeing Xiaojun.”

Jeno’s cool facade nearly cracked before your very eyes. “Oh?”

You apologized. “I’m sorry, Jeno. I should’ve told you that I liked Xiaojun…”

Jeno was furious. What the hell did Xiaojun have that he didn’t? Jeno was more muscular, taller, more talented, wealthier, more attractive...He was superior to Jeno in every way and everyone else knew it, too.

He honed his acting skills and replied evenly, “Why are you apologizing, y/n? So you like someone else...I’ll live.”

You realized maybe Jeno didn’t like you as much as you thought so you felt relieved to hear his dismissive tone. “Right. Good. I just...thought you should know…”

You and Jeno continued the shoot. He acted like nothing had happened and even behind the scenes, he joked with you and asked you which of the female trainees he should ask out. You berated him because female trainees were not allowed to date and he knew this very well. Jeno was back to his arrogant self and you were relieved.

___

You got a text from Xiaojun that he was finishing up a filming schedule with his bandmates. You wouldn’t be able to see him today because the schedule was running overtime.

He told you to go to dinner with some friends at Osaka Moon. His treat. He was good friends with the chef, apparently. You were on your way to the restaurant to meet your friends.

You were shocked at how down-to-earth Xiaojun still was after achieving so much fame and then he would do things like this. It gave you whiplash but you were having the time of your life with him.

However, you noticed him across the street. Xiaojun always wore different wigs and masks for his disguised outings with you.

But this time, there were no disguises. His side swept blonde hair and his thin framed glasses. There was no mistaking that it was him.

Was the filming for the show at the Downtown Hotel?

You were about to call his name when you saw another woman wrap her arms around him and squeeze his ass. She had long wavy brown hair and a slender frame. She could’ve been a model or a singer. They both entered the expensive hotel. Very bold of him to take her out so publicly when he was still intent on hiding you.

You felt like someone knocked the breath out of you. You shook your head in disbelief.

Immediately, you dialed Xiaojun’s number and there was no answer. You called four more times and nothing.

Son of a bitch, you thought.

He played you. You should’ve known he was no different than any other dickhead A-lister.

You decided to call his bandmates. It turned out that the filming they’d done today wrapped up over two hours ago.

Haechan had no idea where he was. Jisung didn’t either. Jaemin was equally perplexed. Last but not least you called Jeno.

He answered. “Hello?”

At this point, you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore. “Jeno…”

“Y/n? What’s wrong?”

“Do you know where Xiaojun is?”

“Not specifically...he did mention he had a reservation at the Downtown Hotel…”

You sniffled. “He did?”

“I thought he was meeting you…”

“No, he wasn’t…”

“Oh...Oh, shit, y/n. I am so-“

“It’s okay...Thanks Jeno. I’ll see you on Monday…”

You told your friends to have dinner without you and to make sure to spare no expense because your so-called boyfriend was buying. You told them Xiaojun finished at the last minute and wanted to take you dancing.

A total lie so you could wallow at your local bar.

You sat right by the bar and downed a few glasses of beer. Just to feel anything else besides the betrayal you felt.

A half hour later, you were even more buzzed now. A young man sat beside you at the counter.

He started, “Hello, gorgeous.”

You looked at the young man. He was stunning. Another face that belonged on television. Another one of those who was capable of seducing you and tossing you away the very next second.

You flipped the bird. “Bite me.”

The young man scoffed and tried again, “Feisty, aren’t we?”

He got closer to you and you began to feel uncomfortable. “Please leave me alone…”

“Tsk tsk. A beautiful girl like you in tears? You need someone who will bring your smile back.”

“And you’re the man for that job?” Someone interrupted.

You were shocked to find Jeno here. He looked gorgeous in a black leather jacket and dark jeans. His hair was slicked back the way you liked it most and wow, you may have had one too many drinks...A few customers recognized Jeno and started whispering and taking their cameras out.

“Jeno?” You nearly lost your balance as you got up from your chair.

Jeno grabbed you immediately before the other guy could.

The stranger said, “Why do you get to put your hands on her? Just cause you're some pretty boy with mediocre music...I’m sure she’s nothing compared to who you’ve bedded before-“

Jeno socked him in the face and escorted you out of the bar. The stranger cursed you both out as you left. Jeno led you quickly into his manager’s car that he borrowed for the night. You felt a little dizzy.

Jeno fastened your seatbelt.

You smiled at him. “Thanks.”

He looked at you in concern. “Are you okay?”

You shook your head. “Why are men scum, Jeno?”

Jeno sighed. “I’m so sorry about-“

“Don’t say his name...I...never want to see him again...God, now I have to sell all of his merch…”

Jeno frowned in confusion and continued, “I’ll take you home…”

You didn’t want to face your roommates. “No...Can I…Spend the night with you?”

It took all of Jeno’s might not to get out his car and raise his fist in the air. But he composed himself. “Are you sure?”

You nodded, wanting to forget all about Xiaojun and have one thoughtless night with Jeno. “Yes.”

Jeno drove you two to his penthouse suite. He was cautious around you and you were ready to shrug away your inhibitions.

Jeno helped you remove your coat at the entrance. “Take a seat. I’ll get you some water.”

You sat yourself on the couch and opened your legs wide, exposing your panties underneath your skirt. “Jeno, fuck me right now so I can forget his sorry ass.”

Jeno hesitated then but seeing how irresistible you were...He couldn’t help himself.

He asked again. “Are you sure?”

You nodded. You were buzzed but not that buzzed. You wanted to spite Xiaojun. You wanted to acknowledge the part of you that longed for Jeno for so long, too. You’d be stupid to deny that you fantasized about a night with him.

You hesitated before but now you said, why the hell not?

You and Jeno made love that night. Jeno was over the moon that you were finally in his arms. Sure it was a rebound but the look in your eyes when he was inside you had to mean something. There was a promise there and Jeno held onto that glimmer of hope.

Jeno took you home the next day and he was very cool about the whole night. Right before you returned home. you reminded him about how this was a one night stand and thanked him for a wonderful night.

You were resolute in dumping Xiaojun and simply going back to work. Thankful you only ever worked for Jeno anyway. And as expected, Jeno was his usual self: cocky, flirty, sending his food back for random reasons.

Xiaojun came under the fire for going to a hotel with a potential prostitute. The identity of the woman he was seen with remained a mystery. He tried convincing everyone that the woman was not a prostitute but he couldn’t remember how he met her or what she looked like. That night and along with how crazy Xiaojun sounded caused the company to encourage him to leave. Xiaojun’s contract with LCF Entertainment was terminated.

The week after you and Jeno made love...You started catching feelings for him. Every glance. Every fleeting touch. It drove you mad. And suddenly that one night stand was something you wanted again. And again. And again.

You accompanied Jeno and his manager as he attended a gallery opening. You were in charge of his photos for his social media. He looked extremely dapper in his red suit. You just wanted to rip his clothes off and make love to him in front of all of the guests. Becoming a work of art yourselves.

These thoughts you’ve been having used to scare you but now...you owned them. Tonight, when you got him alone, you would tell him how you really felt. You hoped you weren’t too late.

Jeno’s manager excused himself to get some refreshments. Jeno observed a painting while you took some more photos.

“Stunning,” you said aloud.

Jeno’s eyes grew at your words. “Wow, y/n...All the years we’ve worked together and you’ve never made a comment about my looks…”

Your face grew warm then. “I’m feeling a little bolder these days…”

He grinned. “Is that so?”

“Jeno, I won’t beat around the bush…I haven’t stopped thinking about you since that night…”

“Y/n…”

“I know I said it was a one night stand and...You’ve moved on…”

Jeno started, “I haven’t…”

You were shocked to hear it. “Really?”

He moved closer to you and moved the camera away from your line of sight. “What are you saying, y/n?” His voice was dangerously low.

“I’m saying...that I want to be with you, Jeno.”

Jeno’s smile looked so gorgeous then. He was the true work of art at the gallery. “Well, y/n, I’ve made my feelings abundantly clear for a while now…”

He kissed you then. And the cameras started flashing.

You were on cloud nine. You finally released your suppressed feelings for the rockstar before you.

___

You’ve been together for two years now. He made you feel safe and loved. He showered you with gifts and trips to the most beautiful parts of the world.

As for the response from netizens and the company? Jeno had all the power and he could handle a few naysayers. Your job as his photographer and videographer remained intact. And you were well on your way to transitioning to your own film projects: your dream.

You and Jeno had become a couple to root for. They called you The Prince and The Pauper Turned Princess. You hated your label but whenever you looked at Jeno’s eyes, any anxiety or anger quickly faded.

Jeno had a solo performance in your city tonight and you were seated in a private booth. He was performing so well, moving from instrument to instrument. Driving people to tears with his long low notes. And then he surprised everyone with his announcement.

“Before I perform ‘Changed Your Mind’, I want to give a shout-out to the woman of my dreams, y/n, who is here with us tonight.”

The stadium roared in excitement and many heads turned to you. Your eyes never left Jeno.

“Y/n, I love you so much. We’ve come so far, baby. And I want us to never stop. Which is why…”

He got down from the stage and was escorted by security down to the crowd. He ran his hands past adoring fans as he made his way to you.

He entered your booth with his camera crew and security close by. “Y/n, will you marry me?”

You cried out, “Yes!”

Jeno picked you up and spun you around. You kissed passionately. The crowd’s roars thundered now. It was a celebration. You didn’t care that all eyes were on you now, as well. All you cared about was Jeno. And he loved you more than anything else in the world.

You truly found your soulmate and you couldn’t be happier.

___

Jeno finished his show and was backstage cooling down with a bottle of water.

“Good job tonight,” a woman said as she stood at the door of Jeno’s dressing room.

“Thank you, sis. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Jeno’s older sister Yeeun sat on the couch of the dressing room. “How does it feel to have her in your clutches now?”

Jeno smirked. “Pretty damn great.”

“And I’m here to collect my payment, little brother.”

Jeno sighed. “Really? It’s been two years.”

Yeeun looked at her manicured nails. “I’ve been busy.”

Jeno laughed. “Screwing over taken men? I’m sorry, I meant screwing taken men?”

“Nope. That task was a one-and-done deal. How is that poor boy doing these days?”

“Xiaojun? He’s back at school getting his master’s...He’s happy.”

“Has he tried to contact y/n since then?” Yeeun asked.

Jeno chuckled. “No. Why would he?”

She smiled at him. “They were sweet together. And you tore them apart because you couldn’t take no for an answer, could you?”

Jeno rolled his eyes. “And what about it? I have a right to get whatever I want. Do you know who I am?”

Yeeun sighed. “Yes, you repeatedly tell the family group chat who you are every week. And we all take it because you pay us well…”

Jeno and Yeeun had conspired against you and Xiaojun. Jeno stole Xiaojun’s phone and Yeeun charmed Xiaojun to join her for a night at the hotel. Jeno planned for you to go to Osaka Moon so you could see Xiaojun and Yeeun together.

Jeno watched you as you broke down in tears, calling each of his bandmates. He made sure he was far enough away by the time you called him. He played the part of a concerned friend very well. He had to take up acting, another field he would surely dominate. And with you as his director? It made him hard just thinking about it.

Jeno didn’t coincidentally find you at the bar. He’d been tailing and that stranger who hit on you was only an added bonus. Jeno could play the unsuspecting hero and you would eat it up. And that you did. He was satisfied to know that you wanted to sleep with him. He didn’t care about being a rebound.

Even so, he wasn’t going to take any chances. So after you left his penthouse the next morning, he took the bedsheets you came on and the strands of hair you left behind and got to work.

Did you really think Jeno amassed such success and wealth all on his own? He had a little help from his family and their friends from Hell, of course. Jeno’s family came from a long line of Satan-worshipping witches. Jeno was the youngest of the descendants.

Human sacrifice was only a small token of the Lee family’s appreciation to Lucifer. So Jeno’s deception of Xiaojun was almost nothing in the list of gruesome things Jeno has done to reach the top of his game.

Yeeun was able to literally charm Xiaojun with her own special concoction. Once she and Xiaojun had sex, she wiped his memory of that hour and left him alone at the hotel. Confused. Disoriented. Worried.

As for you? Well, you were the most irresistible creature in this world. Your immunity to his charms was only the first step in his growing feelings for you. You were brilliant and talented at your craft, always capturing his best features on camera. You were gorgeous. He was surprised you didn’t become an idol at LCF yourself. You were warm and sweet and giving. Even if the company was cutthroat, he saw how you’d be with your coworkers and the other idols. You were just a pure, loving girl. And he desperately needed you. Desired you. Craved you.

He simply had to call you his.

With your samples, he was able to create the perfect spell to make you his.

Forever.

That was what Jeno called true love.

[Fin]

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captaincoffeegirl515 · 3 years ago

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What the hell was that last act???

So first of all I want to say that I did enjoy most of the movie. It was okay. The sex scenes didn’t do anything for me though since I’m just not interested in sex at all. But while I more-or-less liked the movie, I felt that the big plot twists in the last act and the ending were badly done because… how the fuck did ANY of them manage to get away with ANY OF THAT??? Like from a legal standpoint it’s just ???

This got so much longer than I anticipated, so the rest is under the read more. And yes, there are so many spoilers. So if you haven't seen The Voyeurs yet and don't want spoilers, please avoid this.

Seb and Julia literally confess to selling their old apartment in order to spy on the people who live there and use them for their art show. Like, yes, they put that clause in the Terms of Agreement for the apartment (which literally no one ever reads) but there is still the matter of Informed Consent. Informed Consent is usually in the form of a contract Pippa and Thomas both need to read and sign, or via verbal questions and answers which is filmed so Seb and Julia would have physical proof of an agreement. This is basically telling them what footage was taken, how it will be used, and if Seb and Julia have permission to share the footage publicly. In Thomas’ case, since he’s dead, his next-of-kin will be asked. Only then are Seb and Julia legally allowed to publicly share and showcase the Pippa and Thomas’ pictures. And Seb is a professional photographer! He should know that!

Have you ever seen prank shows? Like even the ones on YouTube. Have you noticed at the end of some videos, there would be a part where the filmers would approach the person who was pranked and ask if they could use their footage in the video. That’s Informed Consent. They need to ask permission to use a person’s footage in a video or if they need to blur out the person’s face for privacy. Seb and Julia even showed a picture of a dead man for chrissakes! Remember the outcry when that YouTuber posted a video of a suicide victim in Japan???

The Japanese interviewer was right to disapprove of their methods because even though there was a clause in the Terms of Agreement, the prank (because isn’t that what that whole show they did was?) or experiment still resulted with someone killing themself (yes I know it was murder, but the world doesn't know it). They can possibly still be held liable for causing Thomas to kill himself the same way a prankster can be held liable if their victim dies from a prank because of this thing in Law called the Eggshell Rule or Eggshell Plaintiff.

What this means is that a defendant is liable for any injuries caused by the defendant’s actions, regardless of how unforeseeable or uncommon the plaintiff’s reactions to the defendant’s actions are. So for example, there is a scary prank where the prankster jumps out of the bushes and terrifies people. One of them turns out to have a heart condition, suffers a heart attack, and dies. Regardless of the victim’s frailty, the prankster can be held liable for exacerbating the condition and causing the victim’s death. Likewise in the movie, they can say that Seb and Julia, by orchestrating the whole thing and making Thomas see his girlfriend cheating on him, could have caused him to become broken-hearted and kill himself. Therefore, Seb and Julia can be liable for Thomas’ death.

And then here’s the kicker! The famous photographer and his wife, a famous model, both suddenly end up blind AFTER their big art show where they displayed Pippa’s scandal. And not by accident. No. This was obviously surgically done. And NOBODY suspected foul play?? Nobody thought about revenge?? Nobody thought it strange how their blindness was clearly done with a surgical/medical precision nor suspected the couple’s subject, Pippa, who they thoroughly humiliated, who also worked as an optometrist technician at a lab that has the machines that could cause that kind of blindness??? And they're both still alive! They can easily tell the police who did it!

It should have been way too easy for the police to know that it was foul play. Blood tests can tell that Seb and Julia had been drugged. How they were blinded can be traced to the optometry lab. Pippa would be the easiest main suspect due to her connection to them with revenge as the main motivation after they humiliated her in that art show.

And yes, I agree that what Seb and Julia did was wrong. They used Pippa and Thomas, and then murdered Thomas so they can have some juicy story to tell!

Even so, what happened to Ethical Codes in the medical field? What happened to the Hippocratic Oath? Non-maleficience rule? “Do No Harm”? Pippa should have been slammed with, idk, medical malpractice or something, after using her knowledge of the LASIK machine and using it to permanently blind people (which is an actual fear real people have about LASIK surgery), have her license revoked, be fired from her job, and possibly serve jail time. Why is she walking free all willy-nilly and still being allowed to continue stalking Seb and Julia?

I’ll admit though that maybe I’m being more harsh towards Pippa because I myself used to be a Board Certified medical professional (my license expired last year because I hadn't been working in that field for a while) and because of that, her actions angered and horrified me more.

Normally, we as an audience are made to root for the main character or hero, but I found it difficult to do so because Pippa herself is a terrible person. She's a pervert and a creep. She was obsessed with the lives of other people, stalked them, and even went as far as committing crimes in order to fuel her obsession - trespassing, breaking and entering, destruction of private property.

And my goodness this actually makes me think of a few Ben Hardy stans who are like this. Well, idk if going to Ben's school so that she can get a copy of a school film he was in can be considered a crime, but it's still fucking creepy.

Pippa’s got that Savior Complex where she tries to rescue this poor neglected wife from her horrible cheating husband (the same one she herself wants to fuck because she’s obsessed with him). And then when it all goes south, she immediately turns around and blames THOMAS of all people because “he started it”. Like, so what if he did?? He still had enough maturity to realize when they were taking it too far, and decided to stop with the stalking. He told her to stop multiple times but she was too blinded by her obsession and lust for a man that she doesn’t even know.

AND THEN!! She stalked a grieving husband (I know we know that was a lie but Pippa didn't know that) and proceeded to cheat on her boyfriend with said grieving husband. And frankly, I don’t understand why she’s so vengeful about Thomas’ death considering how easily she forgot him so that she could cheat on him. Like. Who knows, maybe he still would’ve killed himself regardless of the poisoned drink because the last thing he saw was his girlfriend cheating on him with the man she’d been obsessed with for the past idk how long. Even in the scene after Thomas died, there was a momentary grief where Pippa was all “it’s my fault Thomas died” but it was all too brief and immediately after she went back to obsessing and asking about Seb. And they want me to believe that she’d want to avenge Thomas’ death? No. I think she blinded Seb and Julia because she was angry at being called out for her obsession. For being told that she was wrong to go that far. It wasn’t about her “love” for Thomas. It was about how humiliated she was about being wrong.

Can you believe that Pippa gave this whole speech with the fable about being content with what you have and not to try to be greedy by wanting more and then she just immediately DOES THE OPPOSITE OF THE MORAL by cheating on her boyfriend because she wanted more aka Seb???

The more that I think about it, I feel like the true villain of the movie is Pippa herself. Her obsession with Seb is what started the whole thing. If she had been able to keep a healthy distance, none of that would’ve happened to begin with. There would be no fights over how far things were going. Seb would have no scandal to tell. She worsened Thomas’ insecurities of not being enough for her, making him go to great lengths just to try to please her. Poor Thomas. He truly deserved better.

Pippa also has awful friends. Instead of stamping down the creepy behavior, they’re giving tips on how to listen in on other people’s private conversations! And then later try to excuse her cheating on Thomas. And then help with her obsession AGAIN.

Acting-wise, I felt that Natasha, Ben, and Justice were incredible and I loved them. I love how conflicted Ben played Seb and how you can see it in his eyes. My favorite scene was the one where Seb and Julia had that confrontation over the wine where Seb asks if she ever felt guilty and Julia just stares right back and stares him down. Natasha was brilliant as Julie pretending to be all friendly and vulnerable with Pippa. Justice was very emotional and I love the scenes where he was horrified at how far Pippa was taking everything. For me, Sydney was the weakest one at acting. While there were some okay parts, her face can be really stiff at some points, like during the sex scenes.

Overall, I thought the movie to be quite thought-provoking especially in this day and age where people can find the most intimate details of another person’s life so easily, be that through Carrd, Instagram stories, Facebook feeds, and other social media sites. It makes you think about parasocial relationships, how people can be so obsessed about people that they’ve never even met, and how that obsession can easily grow into something dangerous that can ruin lives. Good movie, terrible last act. Too much sex for my taste, but then it wouldn’t be called an erotic movie.

Outside of the movie, I really love the chemistry between the four of them. I love watching their interviews and seeing how they interact with each other.

Last but not the least, I know this may be random but my brain likes to zoom in on the weirdest things. How on earth did Pippa manage to get Seb on top of that operating table?? No offense but Pippa is fucking tiny. Seb’s like twice her size and mostly muscle AND unconscious. Like ??? Sorry but that threw me off so much it’s ridiculous.

#ben hardy #natasha liu bordizzo #justice smith #sydney sweeney

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betweentheracks · 4 years ago

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On a scale of 1-5000, how annoyed do you get when people have the gall to tell you, “Wow! You’re so lucky!” when they find out that you work in entertainment and with celebrities?

Also on a scale of 1-5000, how unimpressed are you with the celebrities you end up working with?

Please share some horror stories so we can commiserate over nightmare clients! 😂

Yeef and also yikes, do I actually want to dive into this particular can of worms? Lmao.

I thoroughly see spots of red in my vision whenever people try to do the whole “Wow, that’s really cool and lucky for you! How many famous people have you met or worked with? Your life must be so glamorous and exciting!!” Like please, spare me. It isn’t glitz and glitter all the time - in fact, the fun parts are in the minority of how working in this industry goes. Beyond that, I’m not ‘lucky,’ I worked my ass off to pull this off and have never slowed my pace (until this COVID-19 chaos) to ensure my post remains relevant. In accordance to your ranking, I guess I would go with 4999 points annoyed.

Frankly, my rating and impressions of my clients are like a river that flows on and on and yet there is no apparent water to be found. I have a good rapport with most of the ones I am contracted with exclusively, but they're prone to make my feelings change from sentence to the next. Celebrities will forever remain exhaustively effervescent.

If you really want some dish, I can offer up some from a client I once worked with in my apprenticeship and how much I hate the time I had to spend with her while also retaining a sense of gratitude for helping shape me into someone that can withstand some of the prickly goings-on of the industry. She wasn’t even my client, as I was merely apprenticing and therefore was little more than a ghost that shadowed one of the veterans of our company. I’m highlighting this now before diving into the thick of what was the worst week in my career thus far because it is extremely important to keep in mind that I was under no actual obligation to work with this woman.

Ahem, so, story time! Let me start off with first making it clear that even now I will only work with actresses and actors when I have no viable means of refusal. This is simply a preference of mine and stems mostly from this woman’s behaviors and treatments of me and some of the crew I worked with at the time. I was quite young when I entered my apprenticeship, like barely more than 20, and I was simultaneously accustomed and starstruck by the world I was entering. Before the apprenticeship, I had already been working off and on via temporary contracts and commissions as a MUA at the time, so I knew the ends and outs of the place and the people that worked my end of it. However, I hadn’t worked with many clients one on one as either a MUA or as an aspiring wardrobe stylist. Due to this I was still very green and awkward and hadn’t yet figured out the line between casual and professional (to this day, for me, this line is nearly nonexistent) and I tended to make a mess whenever I opened my mouth so mostly I kept quiet and melded into my role as an observing trainee with occasionally useful ideas but was mostly just an extra pair of hands. The stylist I was shadowing was, in a word, cumbersome. They weren’t a very great teacher and had a tendency to drop projects into my lap without much proper instruction or insight and would leave me to attempt making sense of what was wanted by means of vision boards and client portfolios. In much a similar fashion, when a scheduling conflict came up involving the actress which will star in this tale and another more major artist; naturally, he had to see to the client he had a more tangible contract with and stuck me with wrangling our golden girl.

Within the first 4 sentences of our first exchange as stylist and client I hated her immensely. She was the type of client I abhor to work with; overbearing and demanding, thankless and impatient. She was in the midst of her career finally catching some interest which is the most pivotal time in any celebrity’s career and I like to think she was so bitchy and just plain mean due to the stress and pressure she was under but it doesn’t make what happened any more justifiable. Her immediate and first words to me were, “You’re young and clueless enough to be my baby sister. Whatever authority you think you can have in dictating what I wear ended with the sound of the door opening when you stepped in, get that straight now.” I remember this extremely clearly because I went from gobsmacked to incensed within the time it takes to pop the top on a can of soda. But! I knew at least enough to know to keep my mouth shut and temper my immediate dislike of this person and tried to push forward and steer the conversation in the direction of what her ideal style and presentation should be. It went well enough for all of an hour tops before she domed me again by calling me “baby sis” in place of my name. As I am, in fact, the baby sis of my family I am well aware of when a power play is being maneuvered in on me and spotted this for what it was: her trying to remind me that I had no right to be speaking to her, let alone designing her. This was a culmination of her being upset and put out that she wasn’t chosen by my mentoring stylist and was stuck with someone that had basically no merits behind her.

Calling me this wasn’t really an issue for me, but it did chafe against my skin enough to make me feel uncomfortable and anxious. Still, I let it slide and she continued to call me as such for the duration of our time together. The true horror of this story is what comes next and the escalation from minor verbal insults meant to belittle me fanned into blatant sabotage. She and I had come to a sort of estranged agreement when it came to modeling her vision board - she wanted to retain some traces of her perceived sweet and demure self from when she was cast in her first role, but play up the maturity and grace she held now and have it reinvented into timeless class while holding a touch of being chic. It was a headache to make sense of since, from a the perspective of fashion and trends at that time, this wasn’t the ideal and even seemed counterintuitive to someone in her position and of her age. I went along with it and threw myself into the quest to pull from the brands she mentioned liking most and for days I learned firsthand how exhausting and tedious it is to make acquisitions and swear responsibilities/accountabilities one after the other and put my name and my company on the line. I handpicked every item and steadily managed to pull off forming my second ever ensemble of 4 sets of styles each with 2 or 3 substitution items that could alter the look entirely while still remaining within the realm of what the client had asked for. I worked upward of 13 hours for 4 days and when I finally was able to bring the client to her showroom and present my designs, I was only able to feel relieved for mere minutes before she began to yell and make a scene. She demanded my supervisor and the head of the styling department of our company both come to tend to her and see what a mockery I had made of her ideal image. She went on to use her acting quirks to insinuate that I had gone off half-cocked and overruled her every idea and word and then dared to present her with such low quality fashions. She even managed to produce a vision board that was entirely different from the one she and I had planned together! It was obviously done by herself and lacked the detailed attention any of the stylists housed in our company would have added, but it was convincing enough to appear damning.

At this point my head was in a weird place, trying to make sense of the perilous world I was throwing myself into and the fact that this was actually happening to me at all and wasn’t just me daydreaming while watching daytime dramas. After I worked through that initial shock, I was more than mad but less than enraged. I was confused as to why this client was being so purposefully obstinate and difficult for me, even briefly wondered what sort of grievance I could have possibly cost her when I had only just met her and had done my utmost to seem cool and pro like all the seasoned stylists I had worked with. I thought I was going to lose my job and have to go back to my family with my tail between my legs and tell them they were right and I never should have strayed from my original course and career path. I only became aware that I was crying, like big fat tears that made a mess of my face and were embarrassing to the point that I wanted to flee, because my supervisor had given me his handkerchief. It was at this point that I teetered and looked deeply at the person accusing me and wasting my time and efforts and realized that it wasn’t about me and was only ever about her. This moment of clarity, though, was like the opening of a gate I had been clinging to all week in hopes of keeping all my spurned senses quietly simmering beneath my skin rather than wreck my name and finish off my chances before they truly begun. I very rudely told my supervisor and the department head that if they needed proof of my hardwork and dedication to the vision of a thoughtless actress caught in the weeds of her own wilting fame then they were free to examine my copy of the original vision board and compare it with the one she had; that they could check through the 15 or so LORs under my name and in her stead (both names are featured for security means). Anyway, she was attempting to spill a stain across our company and specifically the stylist in charge of me for blowing her off. Her idea was that if I failed in a big way it would make him look like a horrible mentor and cost him some of his reputation. I was merely cannon fodder.

This got insanely long - let’s put it up to me also being a storyteller and writer as well as very passionate about this encounter. It sparked the timid embers of my uncertain pursuit of my career into a fire that has since gotten me through many other rounds of hard hitting clients and their excessive personalities and entitled arrogance. I love my job a lot, but man is this industry full of bullies.

#peekbackstage #style asks #style speak #anyway now i adamantly avoid working with the acting crowd and my life is a lot more simple

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spade-riddles · 4 years ago

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Submission:

Hi there! I’m the anon who asked for a conversation about what we (as Kaylors) actually fear from Karlie and Taylor letting the world assume Jerk is the baby’s bio dad. Switched to submission format because the Tumblr word count is tiny and asks get eaten and muddled, which makes it really hard to express yourself properly 😅

First I wanted to say thank you for engaging in a mature discussion about this. I really appreciate it. A lot of other blogs have either stopped believing Karlie and Taylor are together any more, or are more idealistic and don’t want to even talk about a less than perfect outcome to this story. It’s frustrating because while I understand the need for optimism (I feel that need too!) I don’t want us living in la la land and feeling disproportionately upset if we don’t get our perfect ending.

So. I should probably lay out where I stand: I think there is a high likelihood Karlie and Taylor will let people assume the baby is Jerk’s, at least at first. My reasons are simple.

1) The baby is due very soon. Taylor is used to sneaking around and we’ve talked before about how she is able to live in secrecy. The pandemic has definitely made that easier for her. But a baby is a whole different ball game. It will be frankly exhausting to sneak around pretending she’s not a mom, hiding her baby. And the more she hides it, the higher the risk of it being exposed by social media and becoming a huge gossip story. Taylor Swift’s secret baby! Kissgate was bad enough, I don’t think Taylor would want to risk a Babygate.

For this reason, she’s going to move soon to incorporate Karlie back into her life. Probably as a new single mom friend who is staying with / spending a lot of time with her after her marriage break up. The story may even go out that the feud rumors were bogus all along and the girls were good friends the whole time, and Taylor gave Karlie the strength to leave her bad relationship. I expect Tay to be named godmother, which will allow her to be seen more with bub while the full picture is waiting to fall into place.

2) So Taylor and Karlie are being seen together once more. Taylor looks like a great friend, Karlie’s image is slowly being rehabilitated as Taylor goes on a charm offensive, and the baby is a fixture in Taylor’s life that people think is sweet, but don’t really question because she’s supposedly still with J*e.

No-one talks about J*sh at this stage. No-one interacts with him on social media, and they do their best to limit any media mentions of him as “Karlie Kloss’s baby daddy”. This is easier than it seems. Taylor has connections at Vogue, Karlie owns W, and Tree is an expert at shutting down unwanted stories. Any publication that wants future access to Taylor or Karlie will play ball, because why wouldn’t they? No-one is that invested in linking Karlie to a past beard forever, and no-one wants to bully a newborn child over a connection insiders will know isn’t even real. Sure, Scooter and his Page Six sock puppets will probably churn out articles stirring the pot, but that’s nothing new. The girls can ignore it or deflect attention, as they do now.

3) Stage three of the plan sees the resurgence of “Kaylor” as a thing people are shipping. Hardcore fans will obviously know they’ve been together all along, but the wider public will start to wonder if Taylor has deeper feelings for Karlie, or if Karlie left her husband because she hopes to “get back together with” Taylor and take another go at their 2014 relationship. People start to link past songs to Karlie and speculate that lingering feelings for her “best friend” are what has stopped Taylor locking it down with J*e. J*e is boring and only seen on miserable pap walks with Taylor, but Karlie is seen hanging out with her and their friends in happy, seeming domesticity. People begin to talk about how much like the old carefree Taylor Tay seems again. The sunshine effect in full swing.

4) Eventually Toe break up and Kaylor are revealed to be in a relationship. You’ll never please the homophobes but by now most fans are happy for Taylor. Taylor, who has de facto raised the baby since birth, jokes that she’s “daddy”. Karlie gives a more serious interview about what a wonderful parent Taylor is and how she has always considered her as much the baby’s mom as she is, because she was there all along and never gave up or walked away. She won’t be drawn on her ex husband but does make a statement about “what a great influence” Taylor is on their child. Etc etc. By now we’re a few years out from the Trump administration and J*sh is still known and disliked, but is hardly a household name. He was only ever “famous” (I use the term loosely) for being Karlie’s beard.

People can disagree with me on this. Yes, his family are odious and will be in trouble for years to come, probably. But J*sh has always been a fringe member. He’s not Jared or Ivanka, who people really know and hate. He’s more like his father - people know he’s shady like the rest of them, but most people couldn’t immediately pick his face out of a line up, and they don’t know the details. I’m sorry, but it’s true. The general public don’t care about Jerk half as much as Kaylors do. Once he loses his celebrity connections he’ll fade from public consciousness. You think I’m kidding, but I’m not. How many people reading this right now would know if Dick Cheney passed them in the street? Not many, I’m guessing. Time passes and memory fades. People will “know” he’s the father, but in a fuzzy way, and soon enough it will fade to the point where this is brought up as surprising information. People won’t even remember she was married to him. It’ll become weird trivia that no-one really wants to talk about anyway, because it seems disrespectful.

5) At this point, people either assume Jerk has a private relationship with the child, or they notice how Karlie never ever talks about him and speculate that he’s estranged from the child. It’s likely Karlie and Taylor would then go down the route of having Taylor officially adopt the baby at this point, though a public marriage would probably predate that, and all these things take time to roll out and seem natural. Even U-Hauling it!

If J*sh is smart, he’ll keep quiet during all of this. If Kaylor were smart, they would have engineered reciprocal NDAs, where Karlie can’t reveal their marriage was fake, but Jerk can never speak about the baby in return. And I think he might go along with this policy of silence. Remember, what he was always getting out of the arrangement with Karlie was that he appeared straight. Why throw all that away? He won’t want any real involvement with the baby, because it isn’t actually his. But it suits him that people think he got a woman pregnant, and it suits him that he can pretend to be a dad. Just “a private dad” who doesn’t see his kid much. Yes, we might get some annoying stunts where he tries to pretend, but if Karlie and Taylor continue to never give him any oxygen, it’ll eventually reach a stage where people can choose their own version of reality. Some people will think he’s involved and some won’t, but most people frankly won’t care either way.

And I do think that’s the ideal scenario for both of them. Sure, Karlie could eventually leak gossip stories suggesting he’s not the dad. But that would be a hit to her reputation at a time when she is actively trying to rebuild it. WE might all be passionately anti-Jerk and gleeful at the idea of a cheating narrative, but I don’t think it would go down so well with the wider public. He may be from a scummy family but he’s always been viewed as “the one who’s not as bad”, and Karlie still made the apparent choice to marry him. Even if he was scum it would look bad to treat him like that after pretending she loved him .To say that she cheated with some meaningless random guy and got knocked up by him, and this other dude has never even been involved with the kid … . I won’t mince words here. It would make Karlie look terrible. People won’t be saying “ha ha he got what he deserved”, they’d be saying “ wow, Karlie is a sloppy mess”, “wow, how cruel to get knocked up behind her husband’s back”, and finally “wow, Karlie seems so unstable, she’ll treat Taylor badly too and bring trouble down on her head. She probably only even got back with her because she didn’t want to be alone. Taylor should RUN!“

This is NOT the impression they want people to have of Karlie. Which brings me to:

6) Karlie’s reputation has suffered enough, and Taylor knows it. Taylor is no stranger to pivots, and she’s no stranger to playing the long game. What’s most important to her at this stage? I think it’s that she gets to live a free and open life with the woman she loves and the child they’re raising together. I don’t think she cares who is assumed to be, basically, the sperm donor. She will be daddy with this plan, and that’s what counts. So yeah, I think she would go for it. It’s a sacrifice I think she would make.

And really, if he’s not involved in the baby’s life, is it even a sacrifice? We all talk about the “association” around here, but the child won’t have any actual contact with him and Taylor can freeze out any mention of him in the media. There is no actual threat to the child that I can see. Letting people assume he’s the father is NOT the same as letting him into the baby’s life. Kaylor not correcting people’s assumptions doesn’t mean they’re going to actively stunt with him. They can just choose to say nothing, the way they did with the “feud”.

What’s the worst that will happen if people assume the baby has K*shner DNA but is estranged from the family? Seriously, people. Give me answers.

Not just “I don’t want people to think Taylor’s baby has his icky genes”. Because genes don’t make a person and they don’t necessarily make a family either. Taylor’s love and parenthood would not be ANY less if it was assumed she was the adoptive mom with no biological link to the baby. The baby would not be assumed genetically evil for having a few chromosomes from that awful family. Tr*mp’s own sister has been one of his biggest critics, remember? Genetics don’t dictate your politics or your moral compass.Only a fool would actually seriously accuse an innocent baby of being some kind of devil spawn, just because they thought it was Jerk’s.

The K*shners can’t claim or take the baby. They can’t force Karlie and Taylor to stunt with them. So there’s no “using the baby to whitewash Jerk’s reputation”. There’s no putting the baby in danger. And the media aren’t going to bully the baby, because it’s poor practice and would make them look terrible, as well as costing them potentially lucrative future relationships with Karlie and Taylor.

Taylor isn’t “letting Jerk take credit for her baby” either. Not if they refuse to stunt and if it plays out the way I described. Taylor will eventually get recognition as the baby’s real other parent, while Jerk is phased out. Taylor is patient. For the end game I believe she could stand a few months of this.

I’ve turned it over and over in my head and this is the only realistic solution I can see. All our other theories - Karlie pretends to be Taylor’s surrogate, Karlie pretends she slept with someone else, Karlie and Taylor expose the fake marriage, all of those theories - they all seem like wishful thinking. They would never be credible outside our tiny fandom of people who want any memory of Jerk purged forever. (Not possible. The Jerklie history will always exist on the internet, just like Taylor’s supposed “relationship” with Calvin.) We just have to let it go. Separate our heightened negative feelings from the actual likely long term consequences.

This is what will probably happen, if we’re being really sensible and honest with ourselves. We need to stop being so absolutist and thinking it’s the end of the world, because it really doesn’t have to be. It can be just a bump in the road instead. I think we’d all be a lot happier if we adjusted our outlook about this possibility, to be honest. This all or nothing way of thinking is creating so much unhappiness and stress, I hate to see it. We need to just breathe!

I truly believe we won’t get everything we want - but good things are coming.

This is so long, sorry! But I had a lot to say.

Yours,

let’s call me, Pragmatic Anon

#i am posting this only because you put a lot of time into it.#i said i was done with this topic #you ignore a critical part of this? Why should he get any credit for this child #why should this child be stained for no reason #there is absolutely no reason to put this burden on taylor or the child #none #he has nothing to do with it #i will be absolutely stunned if they use their child as part of a publicity stunt #no words #submission

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thepunkbug · 4 years ago

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Okay, so there’s a lot going on right now to do with Brendon Urie from Panic! At The Disco, and I figured I’d give my take on it.

Before I start, I should say I got most of my information from other people on social media - YouTube, Twitter, Tik Tok, and I read some articles. Because of where I got most of my information, I won’t be able to link anything, so I implore you to do your own research as well. That being said, here’s a brief rundown of what happened, with my opinion at the end.

First and foremost, Brendon has been called out for being racist. There’s a Vine of him mouthing along to the n-word, and while he didn’t outright say it, he did still mouth along to it. Being white, he had no business doing that, and he should’ve censored the word out entirely, but he didn’t. He’s since apologized and been a supporter of BLM, even going onto Twitch when George Floyd was killed, and making a post on his Instagram about how white privilege affects him, all of which can be found on YouTube or Instagram.

Secondly, he was accused of being transphobic. Most of you are probably confused because he is pansexual himself, and he wrote a song about bisexuality, and he can be found decked out in pride flags at concerts. However, there is a video of him at an interview saying the transphobic slur, and since he’s cisgender, he has no right using that word. From what I know, he was explaining his sexuality when someone asked him about it, and he quoted what someone had said to him, which included the transphobic slur. He’s since apologized on Periscope (I’m not sure if there’s a YouTube video of that or not), and as we all know, he’s been a huge advocate for LGBTQ+ rights ever since.

There’s also a video of Brendon joking about raping fans at a concert. You can find this on YouTube, where he says something along the lines of “If I see you after the show, I’m gonna fuck you. I don’t care if you want it - I care more if you don’t!” If the video isn’t edited shorter, you can also hear Dallon Weekes say “And I’m gonna watch,” though no one ever mentions that. This isn’t me trying to get Dallon cancelled. Quite frankly, I don’t like cancel culture and I think people are way too trigger happy to destroy someone’s career. My only reason for interjecting this is if you’re gonna get mad at Brendon for making that joke, then get mad at Dallon for adding onto it, too.

More recently, he’s been accused of sexually assaulting a fan. Someone on Twitter by the name of Kam retold a story of being a minor when he met Brendon, and Brendon was kissing and touching him inappropriately despite knowing he was a minor. There were also other accounts saying similar things happened to them. However, from what I know, the whole Kam thing was actually a Wattpad self-insert fanfiction that someone stole the plot of, and the multiple different accounts were actually one person, and they were lying, so there’s absolutely no evidence of Brendon sexually assaulting a minor or behaving inappropriately in that way whatsoever.

Lots of people also get upset with the Zack Hall thing. Zack Hall was Brendon’s bodyguard for a long time, and Breezy Weekes recently came out and said that Zack Hall basically sexually harassed her the entire time Dallon was in Panic!. Other people came out and said they had similar encounters with Zack Hall, and he’s now fired from Panic!. Similarly, when Kenny Harris was accused of sexually harassing/assaulting minors, he was also fired. People are upset because Brendon is remaining friends with Zack Hall, though I really don’t think that’s any of our business. As far as I see it, they’ve been close friends for years, and it’s hard to just drop that, even if they do something you disagree with. Also, Zack was fired, which is what people wanted. I think it’s dumb to hold Brendon to a friend’s actions, especially when he already fired him and removed him from fans, like everyone was asking him to do.

Also (and I’m not as well informed with this as other topics), there’s an interview somewhere of Ryan Ross being uncomfortable with Brendon’s stage gay. I’m not sure how many times they had that conversation or how often Ryan asked Brendon to not touch him or do the stage gay routine with him, or how many times Brendon disregarded that once they were onstage. Brendon should’ve respected Ryan’s wishes and not touched him the first time he was asked, but again, I don’t know the specifics here, so this is all I can comment on here.

[Edit: I had someone reach out to me in regards to the above information, and I decided to keep everything I originally wrote as context. According to them, there isn’t an interview of Ryan saying he’s uncomfortable with the stage gay, and it was all in fact scripted between the two of them. It sounds like people basically made up Ryan being uncomfortable with the act, in which case, these accusations also appear to be entirely false.]

As we all know, Brendon struggled with drug and alcohol addiction, which literally impairs judgment and makes you do things you normally wouldn’t do. This includes saying things you shouldn’t (making rape jokes to a supposedly 18+ audience while likely drunk, high, or both) and doing things you shouldn’t (the stage gay routine). I’d also like to point out that a lot of the stuff he said at shows was probably to entertain, particularly the stage gay stuff, and there’s no way in hell you can convince me the audience didn’t eat that shit up. I wouldn’t be surprised if he did those things to get a reaction, and you know he fucking got one, so while I disapprove of him making Ryan uncomfortable, I also understand the audience there, expecting it, probably didn’t help either.

I think that’s everything. As you can see, it’s a lot of stuff, but I don’t think any of it is as bad as people say. Mouthing the n-word once doesn’t make a person racist. Saying a transphobic slur once doesn’t make a person transphobic. He especially isn’t either of these things when you take into account how he’s since apologized and shown incredible support for BLM and the LGBTQ+ community, which I think says a lot about him as a person.

This is going off track a little bit, but I think it’ll make a point. My dad grew up in the seventies, in a time where homophobia was rampant and racism was common. My dad grew up homophobic and racist, and he used homophobic slurs all the time as a teenager and a young adult. To this day, my dad has prejudiced views about race and sexuality, but he’s obviously changed his opinion since then, with education and understanding. He never apologized for the things he said back then, mostly because he isn’t famous and no one has called him out for it.

The point is, if people held my dad responsible for things he said in high school and college, when he was the most ignorant, the most sheltered, the least exposed to other people and cultures, then he’d be labeled racist and homophobic now (which he technically is, simply by virtue of being white and straight, but that’s a conversation for another time). We need to give people room to grow, give them resources to educate themselves and combat their ignorance. Brendon Urie has DONE that, multiple times! He’s never been accused of racism aside from mouthing the n-word in a Vine, which, should I remind you how old Vine is? He’s never been accused of being transphobic aside from that one time he used a slur, when he wasn’t even using his own words.

I’m not trying to excuse what he’s done. Using those slurs, making Ryan uncomfortable [edit: probably not true], joking about rape, none of those things are okay, and that’s pretty damn obvious to everyone, I think. However, it’s also evident he’s changed since then. As far as I know, he’s never used a slur since then. He’s an advocate for BLM and the LGBTQ+ community. He’s struggled with addiction, which isn’t easy for anyone, and he’s been able to grow and become a better person since then. I absolutely agree with holding him accountable for what he said and did, especially the things we don’t agree with. He’s a public figure, and he has to be aware of what he says and how his actions have consequences. That’s just how it works when you’re in the public eye.

Do I think Brendon Urie deserves to be cancelled? Absolutely not. He’s human, and all humans change. I’m not the same person I was ten years ago, and ten years from now, I’ll be someone else entirely. If someone held me responsible for every mistake I ever made and completely disregarded my progress and personal growth, I’d look like a horrible person. Why aren’t we keeping that energy for Brendon? Hold him accountable. Keep him responsible for what he did. And allow him to improve. Allow him to educate himself. Allow him to better himself. Allow him to be fucking human, for fuck’s sake.

So, there’s my take. I’m still a Panic! At The Disco fan, and I’m still a huge fan of Brendon Urie himself. Unless he regresses completely and becomes Kanye West or some shit, I will continue to support him. He’s not even as problematic as some other people’s faves, so I’m not even gonna feel bad for continuing to support him. I’m acknowledging his shortcomings and recognizing his progress, because I understand that this isn’t black and white or two dimensional.

If his actions aren’t exuseable for you, then that’s fine. If you can’t be a fan of him of Panic! anymore, then that’s your decision. For me personally, I think his growth says a lot about his character, and I’m gonna continue to stick it out with him. You don’t have to like him, but quit being so close-minded about the good he’s done in all of this. It makes you look excited to destroy a person’s career, and quite frankly, I’m tired of trigger-happy, cancel culture junkies. Take it elsewhere.

#brendon urie #panic! at the disco #brendon urie allegations #rape tw #drugs tw #addiction tw #alcohol tw #racism tw #transphobia tw #homophobia tw #slurs tw #cancel culture #thepunkbug

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ovvnwords · 4 years ago

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WANTED CONNECTIONS .... hi here is a list of connections i would really really want for my gremlins. inspo from all places ; music, movies, pins, etc. i’ll post this in the server / put it linked in my pinned post but for best results send me a dm on d/scord bc i suck at things! thank.

AVIVA ROUX . podcaster / content creator ( meg t. stallion ) !

GIRL GANG ! not necessarily ‘girls’ but yk what i mean. very close knit, always hanging out, never one w/o the other, etc. i like the idea of them all bein’ kind of different ---- breakfast club style? ( aviva cld be the *jughead vc* i’m a weirdo for example ). idk i think it’d be neat n interesting cld even have group chat edits n things on the dash frankly i wld just like for her to have some friends! inspo ( one , two ) .

PODCAST PARTNER ! the shane to her ryan, so to speak. the show talks about mysteries and internet oddities and different spooky things ( they borderline on true crime, but they don’t necessarily go into detail about cases if that makes sense ) . i think the dynamic of a outrageous thinker to her pessimistic ideals. inspo ( one , two , three , this tag ) .

YOUNGER SIBLING ! i like to imagine they’re pretty close, maybe close in age? i don’t rlly have much to say about this one, should probably put it on the main, but i love sibling connects so !

HATEHSHIP ! someone she jus can’t stand yet can’t stay away from. maybe they’re an asshole but damn cute, or another reason. inspo ( one ) .

ROOMMATES ! like to imagine it’s a bunch of them living friends-style, either in the same apartment or even building ( or wld that be jersey shore style. idk ) but it cld be fun especially if they don’t get along all that well but the rent is nice and they make it work.

FIRST CRUSH ! eeeeeeeeeeeee they cld’ve met when they were children and had one of those one day long things in elementary school where they broke up bc they didn’t share crayons or something JSDVKJDFVKJV they could’ve remained friends, been neighbors, had crushes or a fling in high school .

EX SQUAD ! i like the idea of aviva having a solid friend group in high school that all aren’t good terms with each other for whatever reason .. don’t have to figure it out asap i just love the tension thts all.

BEST FRIEND / RIDE OR DIE ! someone who has her back and vice versa. supports each other thru thick and thin, gives each other the whack on the head they need every once in a while. inspo ( one, two ) .

FLING / FWB / HOOK UPS ! kind of self explanatory. aviva doesn’t really have a preference, if she’s attracted to u she’s attracted to you, has her fun but s*x isn’t really her idea of a fun thing to do 24 / 7 . like to imagine she mostly goes for women ( hey ladies .... ) !

EX PARTNER ! i like the idea of them being super cute n lovey dovey in hs but then maybe one of them went off to college? they had a falling out? ended on not so great terms? the possibilities are endless to be frank!

RIVAL / ENEMY / SOMEONE SHE JUST CAN’T STAND ! ig this could be more chemsitry based but they just avidly dislike each other for one reason or another? can’t stand each other? petty tweets / subtweets etc etc . could be fun n juicy.

FRIENDS ! self explanatory.

DAWSON ELLIS . unemployed / formal journalist ( chris pine ) !

FRIENDS ! self explanatory. he’s 40, so rlly he just kinda vibing.

RIVALS / ENEMIES ! i like the idea of just hating each other since high school and just have this burning hatred for each other even after all this time … chuckles. inspo ( one ) .

PEOPLE HE TAKES UNDER HIS WING ! idk what this could entail maybe he jus likes one of u youngins … doesn’t want to see u in the same path he went down, tries to steer u straight a little bit. stuff like that. very dad like as if he has a maternal bone in his body.

EX FIANCE ! heheh .. i plan on making this a wc possibly, but i like the idea of someone who he dated for a long period of time after he graduated and left irving, eventually who he proposed two. maybe his addiction could have caused a strain, maybe it was because he was traveling so much, or some other reason but then they broke it off. they came back to irving for one reason or another, he came back bc he’s sober now, there’s tension. kind of based on exile by taylor swift + bon iver .

EMPLOYER ! this man needs a job. so ........ hands on hips who is hiring.

FRIENDS FROM HIGH SCHOOL ! if anyone grew up in irving / or was in hs around the time he was, it could be quite fun to reconnect. old friends yadda yadda yadda.

SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HIM ONLY FROM HIS SISTER ! smiles at jean so wide ..... yes dawson is leonora’s annoying lil brother. he’s very elusive ( or so he thinks … ) so . we cld do something with that perhaps.

ELIJAH PALERMO . little league coach / student ( lukas gage ) !

THE LAST PALERMO SIBLING ! yes … this is on the main but i imagine elijah and them to be very close and it’d be fun! sorry for the grey hairs though.

BEST FRIEND ! this is someone elijah trusts more than jus abt anybody .. including his siblings maybe. they’re always together, never apart, besties forever. causing chaos and mayhem. probably co-parent georgia. knows each others fast food orders, encouraging their bad behaviors …

EXES ! i like to imagine elijah is the type to rush into a relationship then have it all turn to shit. could be on good terms, bad term, neutral.

EX FRIENDS ! along the same vein, maybe they had a falling out? one of them just didn’t want to be friends anymore? they just stopped talking? give me angst thank u.

FRIENDS ! hes so talkative and annoying please give him more friends … my personal favorites are old couple bickering / complete opposites / good or bad influences / new age “thembo summit” where there’s no got damn thought in anyones head just vibes.

FLIRTATIONSHIP ! they flirt … they give each other eyes. and yet? nothing. wtf.

HOOK UPS / FWBS ! they’re hot. and he has eyes. it’s basic math.

RIVAL / ENEMY ! i like to imagine elijah didn’t mean to be rude / or did something bad to this person but he did, even accidentally, but now they hate him. or even mutual hatred <3 constant subtweets n petty comments in public …

PARTY BUDDIES ! theyre always together at parties … self explanatory.

PARENT OF KIDS HE COACHES ! self-explanatory.

CLASSMATES ! must go to community college, but otherwise self-explanatory.

WILL THEY / WON’T THEY ! i love this kinda shit .. theyre constantly acting like a couple but also aren’t one. everyone is dying to know like …... so isn’t eli <3

HATEHSHIP ! they hate each other . but also f*ck. then hate each other again.

ROOMMATES ! pls give him a roommate this fucker can’t function by himself.

KALANI MADDEN . student ( auli’i cravalho ) !

PEOPLE SHE TEACHES ASL ! this is my favorite. pls pls pls. she uses asl as her primary source of communication, she’s most comfortable with it due to her hearing, but many people don’t know it so pls let her teach ur muse i’d love it so much.

FRIENDS / BEST FRIENDS ! i’d love to have a lil squad .. lil baby squad or even just a best friend who they’re always sharing tiktoks over videos and having sleepovers and going to wendys at 1 am bc they’re bored.

RIVALS / ENEMIES ! people who just don’t fuckin like her bc she’s annoying like i understand.

PEOPLE WHO DON’T TAKE HER SHIT / HATE HER DRAMATICS ! pls hate her. punt her to the moon.

PEOPLE SHE SPOILS WITH HER PARENTS MONEY ! pls let her sugar mama u. she will buy u legit anything if ur nice to her.

FLIRTATIONSHIP ! this wld be a bit cute .. almost a will they won’t they vibe. they flirt. they smile. they make googley eyes. they subtweet each other. it’s messy and cute.

BAD INFLUENCES / GOOD INFLUENCES ! people who lead her either down a really good or really bad path.

PEOPLE SHE KNOWS BC OF HER BROTHER ! self-explanatory but also kind of need him for this so . hehe .

HER BROTHER ! on the main, but pls bring this kid her parent ( almost ) .

PEOPLE SHE KNEW BACK IN NYC ! self-explanatory. her family is very wealthy, famous in the social scene.

#ooc.#wipes sweat.

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clumsyclifford · 4 years ago

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intimacy prompts - 37 with mashton? feels like it would work for them

i got this idea and then i just felt like a compelling need to write it im sorry im not taking these prompts literally enough however this plot is absolutely crucial frankly i don’t know why it’s not employed in fic more often

“This stuff doesn’t work,” Ashton says.

Michael frowns. “You’re saying you don’t want to fall in love with me?”

“I’m saying there are better ways to fall in love than to just a bunch of questions,” Ashton says. “If I were going to be in love with you, don’t you think I’d have done it by now? I’ve known you for, like, seven years.”

“I’m pretty sure you are in love with me and you’re just in denial,” Michael says dismissively. “But that’s not the point. I’m just curious. Look, worst case scenario it doesn’t work and we just become closer friends.”

“And best case scenario?” Ashton asks, raising his eyebrows. He can’t really think of a best case scenario here, because falling in love with Michael through a series of carefully curated questions just feels fraudulent, and Ashton wouldn’t believe himself if it “worked.”

“We fall in love,” Michael says. “Duh.”

Ashton rolls his eyes. “Fine. But I want it on the record that I don’t think there’s any merit to this experiment, and I’m mostly doing it so I can have material to blackmail you with.”

Michael smirks. “Sure you are.”

(And maybe a little bit because he’s curious to see what will happen. If maybe it is possible to fall in love in thirty-six questions. If Ashton were going to fall for anyone this easily, he reckons it would be Michael.)

Some of the questions are kind of funny. When Ashton asks Michael, “Would you like to be famous? In what way?” Michael snorts before going off about how badly he wants to be a rock star, and how he’s worried he’ll never make it, because everyone in his band sucks and he doesn’t know if this song he wrote is good enough for any record labels. Then Ashton hits him and tells him that if they’re really going to do this, they have to be honest, and from there it gets, well.

“If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?” Michael reads, and then props his chin in his hand and looks expectantly at Ashton.

If Ashton had known just how probing these questions would be, he’s not sure he’d have agreed to this game. (If it can be called a game.) It’s not that he’s uncomfortable, but it’s hard to be open and honest like this, with no buffer, just him, Michael, and the truth.

“Nothing,” Ashton says, which is the only truthful answer he can come up with. Michael looks unimpressed. “I mean it. I wouldn’t want to know anything. What’s the point of life if you can just look up the answers? Why, what would you say?”

“I —” Michael purses his lips. “I’m not sure. But not nothing. I guess, I don’t know, I’d want to know if the band will last.”

“But if you knew the band would last, you’d stop working as hard to keep it together,” Ashton says. “And if you knew it wouldn’t, you’d just give up, wouldn’t you?”

“Would not,” Michael says, defensive, almost offended. “I’d do my best to make sure that future never came true.”

“It’s the future, Mike. It’s — it’s going to come true, that’s the point.”

“If the future tells me something I don’t like, I have every right to try and fight it,” Michael says stubbornly. “The band doesn’t tank unless I say it does.”

Ashton’s gut twists, although not in an unpleasant way. Actually, the dogged determination to protect what he loves is one of Ashton’s favorite things about Michael, and hearing him talk about the band like he’d rather die than lose it is making Ashton feel, well, something. He’s not sure what, and not sure he wants to know, although he has a feeling it’ll identify itself before the thirty-six questions are through.

They work through a few more questions in the second set. Then Michael, slightly strangled, says, “Uh. How close and warm is your family?” He clears his throat. “Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?”

“That’s two questions,” Ashton says.

“It’s written as one,” Michael tells him, turning his phone around like Ashton won’t take him at his word. “Well, uh. Go ahead. It’s your turn.”

Ashton bites his lip. “You already know all of this about me,” he says, which is an evasion tactic, and Michael sees right through it.

“You — it’s part of the thing,” he says. “If you don’t want to answer it, I guess…”

“No, I just — I don’t think I’m going to say anything surprising.” Ashton sighs. “How close and warm is my family? Enough. My mum’s gotten better at keeping us close. I think it helps that I have money now. My childhood was unhappy until I joined the band. So, no. I don’t think it was happier than most people’s.”

“Until you joined the band?” Michael echoes, tilting his head.

“Yeah,” Ashton says. “Like, I didn’t really have anything pushing me forward until that. It gave me direction. And three new friends, which didn’t hurt.”

“You’ve never said that,” Michael says, studying Ashton. Ashton feels like he’ll wilt under Michael’s gaze, too vulnerable, too easy to pull apart.

“Yeah, well.” Ashton clears his throat. “It’s your turn.” He wants to avert his gaze but also really, really doesn’t, and is saved by Michael looking away to reread the question from his phone, and they move forward.

The deeper they get into the questions, especially in the third set, the more Ashton wants to crack a joke, and the worse it feels to do so. They’re in the thick of it now, and even if it’s just a test, to see if it works, it’s not exactly the kind of thing Ashton wants to laugh at — just in case it does. (It can’t. There’s no way it could, because Ashton’s known Michael all this time, and hasn’t been in love with him.

And yet.)

“Tell your partner what you like about them,” Michael reads. “Be very honest — say things you might not say to someone you’ve just met.” He gives Ashton a lopsided smile. “Good thing we didn’t just meet. Lay it on me, Irwin.”

Ashton licks his lips, which suddenly feel dry. “Okay,” he says. This shouldn’t be hard. There’s a lot he likes about Michael. But all of the things immediately flying to Ashton’s tongue are things he would say to a complete stranger; surface compliments, or basic acknowledgements of skill. You’re a good guitarist is ridiculously shallow, and even you’re very dedicated sounds too vague to be true.

“I like that you’re the kind of person who knows how to heal,” Ashton says quietly. Michael furrows his brow. “I mean, I like that you’re someone who doesn’t ever fully break. You’re — you’re so strong, and you put up with so much shit, and every single time, I think, this is it, this is going to be the one that breaks him, but I’m always wrong. I’m glad I’m always wrong. I don’t know what I’d do if you really did break, but I’m always amazed. I’ve never — I think I’m the type to shatter, but you’re not. You can pick yourself up. I admire that about you. I always have.”

Michael swallows. “Oh. That’s — that’s really, like. Thank you, I think.”

Ashton rubs the back of his neck. For some reason, he feels more like an open book from this question — which is really, for him, about Michael — than any of the other ones. “Yeah,” he says. “Uh, you go.”

“I don’t really know how to follow that,” Michael says lightly. Ashton cracks a smile. “Okay, well, um. Alright. I like that you have this, I don’t know, endless optimism. It doesn’t make any sense to me, because I feel like with all the shit you’ve gone through, you should be full of, like, hate, and anger, but instead you always smile, and you believe in people, and,” Michael gestures aimlessly, unaware of the way Ashton’s palms feel clammier every second, “I don’t know. You’re relentless in your optimism, even though you’ve been burned. More than once. I don’t think I could be like that if I — but you are. So…I admire that. It’s very — noble.”

“Noble,” Ashton murmurs, cheeks pink. “Thank you. That’s very kind.”

“Not really,” Michael says. “It’s just true.” But that makes Ashton feel even warmer, a fizzing sensation building in his chest that he can’t really diagnose. He’s used to pressure like this, but usually it’s anxiety or something, not — whatever’s happening right now, doing this. This kind of pressure feels like it needs to be relieved by someone else.

They make their way through the last of the questions, and by the time they’re through, Ashton feels like he’s just been on the emotional rollercoaster of a lifetime. “I need water,” he says.

“Get me some?” Michael requests, with a halfway smile. Ashton chuckles and takes his leave, returning with two glasses of water.

“Well,” he says delicately, “how do you feel? In love with me?”

“It’s not finished,” Michael says. Ashton frowns; he’s pretty sure there are only thirty-six questions. “Now we have to look into each others’ eyes for four minutes.”

“What?” That’s just...strange. And the more Ashton thinks about it, the more nervous he gets. “Why?”

Michael shrugs. “That’s what the article says. Answer the questions, then look into each others’ eyes for four minutes.”

“Four minutes,” Ashton says hoarsely. “That’s kind of long.”

“I think that’s the point,” Michael says. “Shall we?”

Ashton’s panic response is kicking in, but he’s in too deep now to back out. “Sure,” he manages. Michael smiles, soft and small the way he only ever does for Ashton, and some of Ashton’s tension dissipates.

They sit across from each other, cross-legged on the rug, hands in their laps, and Michael sets a four-minute timer on his phone. “Ready?” he asks. Ashton’s not sure he’s ever going to be ready for this particular task, but it doesn’t really matter; Michael hits the start button and then he’s confronted with Michael’s eyes, gazing into his own, and the realization that it’s going to be this for the next four minutes.

For what feels like an eternity, Ashton twists his fingers around themselves, nervous energy manifesting in fidgeting hands, and he keeps wanting to look away, desperate to close whatever window is being opened right now, because he’s absolutely certain that Michael is seeing into his soul. Then Michael reaches across and gently wraps Ashton’s hands up in his own.

“Stop fidgeting,” he whispers. Ashton can feel the calluses on Michael’s fingertips skimming across the back of Ashton’s hands. He stops fidgeting, but Michael doesn’t take his hands back, and Ashton finds himself hoping he doesn’t decide to.

Michael’s eyes are very pretty. Ashton zeroes in on that fact. They’re the kind of green that looks like sea glass, maybe, and they’re ridiculously easy to get lost in. Again and again, Ashton has to force himself not to look away. He’s never stared at anyone this intently, for this long, in this kind of silence that feels loaded with tension.

(Since when is it loaded with tension?)

Michael’s palm is warm against the back of Ashton’s hand, and Ashton thinks about that, about how Michael always feels warm when Ashton needs him to be, and thinks about the thirty-six questions, and wonders why they were supposed to make him fall in love with Michael. Most of those questions hadn’t been the kind of thing you’d fall in love with for anyone. Knowing that the last time Michael cried by himself was last night, watching Bambi, shouldn’t really make Ashton fall in love. It wouldn’t.

Although the knowledge that Michael has been crying alone at all is pretty painful. So is the fact that Michael had clearly been relieved to share that information, as if, slightly less recently, he’d cried on his own for something a little heavier than Bambi. Ashton wants to know what it was. He wants to be the person who holds Michael together while he stitches himself up. Michael’s always had an instrumental role in his life — it had been Michael, in the first place, who’d recruited Ashton for the band — and Ashton could spend all his days trying to return that favor and still come up short.

The pressure in his chest, or the butterflies, or the sparkling soda, whatever it is is back with a vengeance, bubbling over until Ashton feels hot and cold all over. He tightens his grip on Michael’s hands.

The realization that they could kiss right now doesn’t so much hit as settle easily into Ashton’s already volatile mind. In fact, Ashton thinks, he kind of wants to kiss Michael like this. It feels like a natural extension of the questions and the staring, the next bridge to cross, the easiest way to communicate to Michael that — well.

It’s not that Ashton’s fallen in love with Michael, it’s just that maybe being in love with Michael has been Ashton’s reality for a little longer than he’d known.

As soon as that thought lands, the timer on Michael’s phone goes off, a breezy alarm song that startles them both. Michael tugs a hand out of Ashton’s grasp to turn the alarm off, and the eye contact breaks for a second, but Ashton stills feels like he’s in a trance, especially when Michael immediately turns back to him, eyes wide and questioning, head at a halfway tilt.

“What are you thinking?” he asks, which is not what Ashton had expected him to ask, and catches him by surprise, enough that he actually says what he’s thinking, though he shouldn’t, though it’s a dangerous train of thought, though it’s probably a mistake because Ashton still doesn’t really believe in the magical thirty-six (and a half) questions.

“I want to kiss you,” he tells Michael, holding unconsciously tighter to Michael’s hand.

Michael exhales, a sigh of…maybe relief. “Oh, thank God.” And he leans in, freeing his hand from Ashton’s grasp to put both palms against Ashton’s cheeks, fingers curling around the back of his head, and kisses him.

The bubbling pressure in Ashton’s chest feels light and airy all of a sudden. Ashton reaches for Michael, anything to get his hands on him, and settles an unsteady hold on Michael’s shoulders just to anchor them in place. The angle’s awful — they’re both still sitting on the floor — but the kiss feels like coming home, and it makes more sense to Ashton than most of the other things in his life. Michael is uncharacteristically gentle with him (Ashton’s seen him kiss other people, knows how rough and tumble he can be), and after a moment, not long enough, he breaks away, resting his forehead against Ashton’s. Ashton’s whole face feels too warm.

“Believe me now?” Michael teases. It takes Ashton a second to understand what he’s talking about.

“I’m not in love with you,” he says, but the way his heart sinks at that, and the way Michael flinches backwards, immediately disprove that statement. “Okay, I might be, but not because of the questions.”

Michael smiles, which turns into something of a smirk, but without losing any of its initial gentleness. “Well, it worked for me.”

Ashton finds that difficult to believe. “You can’t be in love with me now just because you know more about me.”

“Well, I already liked you a whole fucking lot,” Michael says easily.

Ashton does a double-take. “You did?”

Michael sighs. “Oh, Ashton. You’d be the worst if you weren’t the best.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Ashton says, although he fails to bite back a smile. “So now you’re in love with me?”

“I’d be an idiot not to be.” Michael pushes himself to his feet and then holds out a hand for Ashton to do the same. He doesn’t step backwards when Ashton rises, leaving virtually no space between them. “I want to kiss you again.”

“You can kiss me as many times as you want,” Ashton says breathlessly, and Michael does.

#i cant believe this but i genuinely didnt reread this before posting it so you get completely unedited bella writing!! enjoy :) or dont :)#ashton irwin #michael clifford #mashton fic #mashton #5sos fic #fic #my fic #i stayed up late to write this for you <3 it's nearly 4am now and i have to be up at nine <3 i hate myself #cravinsomethinsweeter #ask #answered #5sos

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nctzendreamz · 5 years ago

Text

Lucid Dreams :: Jung Jaehyun

you; the only one who could break Jaehyun’s heart.

what exactly is the sound of a heart? clearly, it beats. but jaehyun wasn’t talking about that sound. he was talking about the sound effect of joy, the sound of confusion, and most importantly, the sound of pain.

we live in a world, where certain people; special people, are free from some of the horrid emotions most people have to experience. usually these things have something to do with wealth, or social status.

for Jaehyun, his freedom came from love.

look at the boy. his dazzling smile, translucent skin, and dimple that could speak to you before his mouth could even open was the definition of a killer, and ever since he stepped foot into this world, he could have whatever he wanted.

all he had to do was walk into a room, and they swarmed.

now, before you all get too upset, let’s not assume that Jaehyun was cocky about his natural given gifts...oh no. mr. jung was probably the most mannered young man in the whole universe.

yes ma’am. no sir. he held doors for the people walking in and out of whatever building he was in, even though that wasn’t the custom in Korea just because how can you not hold the door for someone?

even with his people of interests, he never disrespected them; at least not on purpose. he just made one thing very clear.

it’s going to take a while.

and like puppies waiting to be fed, they did exactly that; waited. through his mistakes, or simple ignorance of their affection, they waited. if he said walk? they’d run. if he looked at them with just a mere added twinkle in his eye, the world would be handed to him on a silver platter.

weeks would pass, with Jaehyun putting in the absolute minimum amount of effort. finally; a revelation.

i’m starting to realize, i do so much for you, while you do nothing for me.

this was the part when he would either do two things; apologize profusely, or continue to give the bare minimum.

both ended with the puppies still addicted to him. all of his friends called him the heartbreaker.

quite frankly, it was boring.

so boring, that it was addicting. it was almost like a hobby. of course he wasn’t seen as promiscuous, because he wasn’t doing anything for these people. barely sleeping with the best of them.

and then everything changed without Jaehyun’s permission.

“sorry.” you whispered frantically, picking up all of the belongings you dropped.

“hey.” he whispered, adding the familiar twinkle in his eyes. “it’s okay. humans drop things, you know?”

“well this human drops things a little too much.” when you looked up, he was finally able to take a good look at you, and for the first time he felt something. it was so unfamiliar to him, he couldn’t even name it.

“Y/N.” you placed a hand out, clearly professional.

“Jaehyun. Jung Jaehyun.”

“well, Jung Jaehyun, watch where you’re going.” you smirked before scooting past him.

“but you bumped into me.” he chuckled.

“i don’t remember it happening that way.” was the last of your words before you traveled through the thick backstage area, clearly on your own mission. his eyes unconsciously lingered on you, before a hand on his shoulder snapped him out of it.

“i’ve never seen you look at someone for this long.” Doyoung laughed.

all he could do was weakly chuckle, once again unfamiliar with his emotions right now.

_______________________________________________

“on the Instagram? wow.” Johnny snarked as he watched his band mate scroll through your feed like an animal.

“shut up.” Jaehyun whispered. “am i not allowed to be interested in somebody? isn’t this what you guys wanted anyway?”

“i didn’t say i didn’t support it. i just didn’t think it would be this fast.”

truthfully, neither did he. he didn’t know how many times he had to say he didn’t know what was going on, but he didn’t.

“well, their group is basically on the same exact schedule as us, you know?” Johnny spoke again.

“really?” Jaehyun said in a hopeful tone.

“yeah. our comebacks were on the same day.”

“right.” he trailed off.

“why do I know more than you do? do better.”

and for whatever reason, jaehyun took it personal. he took it as a threat. therefore, he knew he had to talk to you again.

——————————————————————————

“Y/N!” he said in a frantic tone, mouth opening without his permission. the minute he saw you, he had to speak.

you were currently observing the sandwiches, clearly trying to see which one would tickle your fancy the most.

“Y/N, I-“

he was so close to you, but another man got to you faster. Minhyuk.

he couldn’t see what was being said, but he knew he didn’t like it. there was so much smiling going on, and when he saw Minhyuk’s hand graze your wrist ever so slightly, he felt...jealousy.

he felt himself waking over to where you were, and grabbing the sandwhich that was in your hand.

“what...oh.” and the smile on your face shocked him. “hey.”

“hey.” he smiled back.

“hey.” Minhyuk added, clearly feeling left out.

“i just wanted to say your performance was dope.” jaehyun spoke.

“thank you. your performance might be decent.” you jested.

“you just like to offend me, don’t you?” he clutched his heart in pain.

Minhyuk had took this as a que that he was clearly forgotten, and walked off promptly.

“no, i just think it’s cute how riled up you get.” the words coming from your mouth seemed flirty, but your face was unreadable.

“so you think i’m cute?” he questioned with a gentle head tilt.

“i think you know the answer to that.”

“well truthfully, i’m not a mind reader. i’m more of a verbal person...you know what I’m sayin?” he teased.

“oh trust me, i do.” and then you simply walked away.

you walked away from him. Jung Jaehyun, who was flirting with you more than he had flirted with anyone in what felt like years.

“where are you going?” he chased after you,

you stopped in place, and he could see your cheekbones rising. “i don’t have to tell you that.”

“you can’t just leave in the middle of a conversation.”

“are you telling me what to do?”

now he was embarrassed, never wanting to feel like he was controlling you. he never wanted anyone to feel like that. “no...no i just-

“Jaehyun.” your voice was soft as you turned around, walking towards him. “do you want to take me out on a date?”

“i...i....”

“no?”

“yes.” he spat out, almost on command. it was as if you were controlling him.

“well, here’s my number.” you slipped a tiny piece of paper into his hand, not caring who saw. “if you’re not busy on Wednesday, let’s go to the alley.”

“the alley?” his ears were red as you mentioned the secret location. it was known to every idol that this was the place to go to hookup without getting caught. you’d take a car, handle your buisness, and leave. “to do what?”

“to talk. what else?” you said innocently.

“well you know...usually people go there to...

“i know. but it doesn’t have to be. you don’t see me as just sex, do you?”

“of course not.”

“then why are your ears so red?” you taunted.

“because you make me nervous.” he confessed with a deep breath.

you seemed satisfied as you slowly molded him into your puppet. “good. i’ll pick you up at around seven.”

“oh...okay.” he stuttered. “seven is good.”

seven was better than good, as long as he was with you.

an hour had passed since the two of you had sat in the dark space. the only light available was the candles you had on the dash, but it set a mood Jaehyun hadn’t felt before.

“tell me more about you.” you pouted, rubbing his thigh in tiny circles.

“i’ve told you everything I could think of.” he chuckled.

“i don’t know what makes you happy.”

“music.”

“oh come on.” you leaned your head on his shoulder, causing his breathing to alter. “if music didn’t make you happy, I’d be concerned.” you laughed.

“food makes me happy.”

“obviously.” you laughed once again, pointing to the empty take out containers, all eaten by him.

“being with you right now is really make me happy.” he said, almost to himself.

“why?”

“you just make me feel...different. i know we haven’t known eachother for a long time. not long at all, actually.”

“two weeks.” you smiled into his chest.

“but, lately everytime I think about you, i just can’t keep the stupid grin off my face. i think about all of the things I want to do with you.”

“and those things are?”

“you ask a lot of questions.” he smoothly placed his arm around your neck, pulling you closer to him. “but let me hear stuff about you. what makes you happy?”

“i don’t really know.” you whispered truthfully, causing Jaehyun to rub your shoulder. “i think I’m having a hard time adjusting to all of this.”

“being famous?”

“yeah. it’s like, your prepare for so long, but there’s only so much you can do to prepare yourself. people watch your every move. it’s scary.”

“you’re good though. you don’t do bad stuff, at least I don’t think.”

“sometimes I feel like everything I do is wrong.” you confessed.

“well don’t think about it that way. I’ve never heard anything bad about you ever, and I know it’ll stay that way. you’re so sweet.”

“you’re just saying that because you like my face.” you chuckled in a somber tone.

“looks aren’t everything.”

“true. i bet you’re used to people just looking at you and wanting to talk.”

“yeah, i never really minded though.”

“oh, I’ve heard.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he looked right into your eyes. he wasn’t aware his reputation was ever seen in a negative light.

“nothing. some girls just...they told me to be careful with you. they said you like to play around.”

“i just didn’t like them, that was all.” he defended. “this is the first time I’ve been on a date in like...too long.”

“really?”

“really.”

you both stayed quiet now, the tension heavy in the vehicle.

jaehyun felt your soft lips on his cheek, truthfully shocking him.

“sorry.” you apologized immediately.

instead of saying more, he pressed his lips to yours. your lips were made for his own. they were so soft, and plump, and tasted exactly like peppermint. it felt like forever before the two of you pulled away, and he followed your lips like a magnet when he couldn’t feel you anymore.

“i’m not going to hurt you.” he whispered, taking a deep breath. “i promise.”

“i believe you.”

so what exactly happened from here?

well, Jaehyun and you had many a more adventures after that. the alley became your apartment complex. your dorm was unavailable, and he knew that the fans would catch you too easily going in and out of his dorms so frequently.

everytime he would return home, the members couldn’t stop their teasing.

“are you dating yet?”

“have you guys...you know?”

“did she take your panties home?”

he would ignore it all, going straight into his room just to stay on the phone with you all night. you would fall asleep together, not caring about your phones overheating. the sound of your light snores made him feel pure joy.

being with you was so addicting.

so addicting, that he couldn’t care about the rules anymore. he got tired of only being able to touch you in a car. he wanted to hold you during the night, rub your stomach when he felt you tossing and turning, and kiss you when it was time to wake up.

the members loved you. they loved you so much. Jaehyun loved you more though. never did he think he would be able to admit such a thing, but he did. it was right before you were supposed to spend the night once again, and he told Johnny.

“i love her.”

“then tell her.”

“you think she feels it too?”

“it doesn’t matter. she doesn’t have to say it back. it’s the confession that matters.”

he was right. Jaehyun wanted to say it and he was going to. he wouldn’t be heartbroken if you didn’t say it back. as long as you knew how committed he was.

the time couldn’t go past any slower as he waited for you to arrive.

“Jaehyun, your phone.” Taeyong said, phone in hand.

“you okay?” was the first question his had when he answered.

“yeah, i just have bad news.”

“what?”

“i can’t make it tonight. i really thought I would get out of practice in time, but it doesn’t look like it.”

“i can stay up and wait for you, Y/N. you know that.”

“i know you’re exhausted. i would feel horrible if I told you to wait up for me.”

“oh...okay.” he said. his feelings were more than hurt, even if he was just overreacting. “i really wanted to see you.”

“me too.” you whispered. “i promise I’ll make it up to you.

he wanted to spit his confession. he thought maybe that would convince you told trust him and come over anyway, but he didn’t. “okay. tomorrow?”

“tomorrow.”

except, tomorrow came, and you ghosted him again. this time with a text.

painfully slow, his heart began to break.

i know you’re busy, but i feel like I’m putting way more into this then you are.

how ironic.

he waited for what felt like days for a response. his mind was slowly deteriorating, and he didn’t want to talk to anyone.

finally, you spoke.

please forgive me. i’m going to do better.

that was it. that was the only thing you had to say about his a million messages. and like a sad fucking puppy did he immediately forgive you, as if you didn’t do anything in the first place.

the toxic behavior didn’t stop. the texts got shorter and shorter, eventually turning into a simple, “cant make it.”

“maybe she really is busy, bro.” mark tried to defend, even though he knew he was only trying to make the elder feel better. he knew how bad he wanted this.

“yeah. she probably is just busy.”

so busy, that Jaehyun knew all he really had to was come to you. why didn’t he think of that sooner? you were going to absolutely light up the minute you saw his face.

he waited until the wee hours of the night before making his move.

the flowers were in his hand, as well as the meal he picked up for you because you had to be hungry.

“oh my goodness. are you Jaehyun, from NCT?” the receptionist of the building asked.

he couldn’t help but smile at the recognition. “i am.”

“you are even more handsome in person.” she cooed, eyes refusing to look away from his.

“thank you. do you know if redzone is here? my friend told me they had practice today.”

“redzone...” she trailed off, searching on the computer. “no, they actually haven’t been here all day.”

“huh? that’s impossible.”

“one of them could be here unscheduled.” she added. “actually, i think Y/N has been here for quite awhile.”

“that’s great because that’s who I’m looking for!” he beamed. he knew you weren’t lying. he knew you were here.

the search was on. his original plan was to search for the room that had music blasting from it, but he realized they were all silent. you were probably taking a break, or asleep.

suddenly, he heard a laugh. two laughs, actually.

“oh, come on.” he heard your voice say, “do it again.”

“am i your puppet or something?” the male voice said.

“no, but it was funny.”

it was your choreographer. it had to be. it would make sense for the two of you to be here all night.

he slowly crept to the panel of the door, and watched you two from the reflection of the mirror. it was Minhyuk.

what?

“when are you gonna tell him?” he questioned as he approached you dangerously close. his arm wrapped around you, pulling you right into his chest.

“soon.” you whispered, kissing his lips affectionately. exactly how you kissed Jaehyun.

“tell me what?” Jaehyun interrupted. his hands were shaking at a quick pace, and he couldn’t believe what he was seeing right now.

the two of you pulled away as if your parents just walked into the room.

“what are you doing here?”

“i came to see my girlfriend. what the fuck are you doing?”

“listen, bro.”

“i’m not your fucking bro!” Jaehyun screamed, dropping the food and flowers all in one go. the glass shattered loudly. “how could you do this to me, huh? i did everything for you.”

“jae..” you trailed off, attempting to get closer to him.

“answer me!”

“we just...we don’t match.”

“how do we not match? and why weren’t you saying these things when you were in my bed? huh? you had feelings for me. you don’t do the things we did...” he felt sick at the thought. “when you don’t have feelings for them.”

“you need to calm down.” Minhyuk protested.

“shut up!”

“look, Jaehyun. i’m sorry, okay. i didn’t mean to play with you. i didn’t realize you took it that way.”

you were ripping his heart out his chest little by little. “i love you, y/n. i’m in love with you.” he whispered. the tears dropped without remorse. what even was pride?

“i’m sorry.” was all you could say. just like the day he asked you on a date, your face was unreadable.

this was your plan the whole time. you were never interested in him. he was just a toy to you. this was karma.

this is how he made everyone else feel.

in an unstable tone, he only had one more thing to say. “you’re next.” he pointed in Minhyuk’s direction, before turning around and doing the walk of shame.

someone had finally done it. someone had finally broke Jung Jaehyun’s heart.

who knew evil girls had the prettiest face?

#nct #nct 127 #nct jaehyun #jaehyun #jaehyun nct #nct imagine #nct scenario #nct angst #nct imagines #nct scenarios

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your-local-grubdog · 4 years ago

Text

The Engineer’s Heart

Pikmin 3 fanfiction thingy yay! This was cross-posted to Ao3 if you want to read it there instead.

Summary: Alph couldn't keep this bottled up any more. He had to say it, he had to tell him how he felt. Unfortunately these kinds of things don't come easy for Alph.

Parings: Alph/Charlie

Misc. notes: Short n sweet, one shot, fluff

Alph smiled wide as he stood before Captain Charlie – his captain! He was going to go to PNF-404! He was going to be a hero!

He had seen the captain many times on TV. But never in person, not until today.

“You’re Alph? Drake’s grandson?” the captain asked as he approached him.

“Yes sir!”

“I’ve heard of you.” That alone made Alph flush up a little. "I've heard you do good work. I expect good things from you.”

“I won’t disappoint, sir!” Anxiety began to eat away at him a little. He couldn’t disappoint Charlie. He wasn’t sure if he could handle such a thing.

Alph crumpled up the paper and tossed it into an already over-flowing bin. None of it sounds right! Why does none of it sound right?!? He grunted as he leaned back into the chair. They were leaving the planet, and now well on their way to Hocotate in order to return Olimar home.

Alph couldn’t keep it bottled up any more. He had to say something – he HAD to do this. He thought that making it a poem would be easier, but that wasn’t turning out to be the case.

He pulled out another sheet and tried again.

“I think of you so much

You are strong. And kind.

A true leader for us b”

Alph quickly balled the paper up. No! No no no – it still didn’t sound right!

He’d have to try again.

Alph stood there as the Vehemoth Phosbat fell to the ground, letting out one final death cry. He stood there, side by side with Brittany, the both of them stiff as they waited.

Was... was the captain okay?

The beast then twitched, once, twice, and then its mouth was pushed open by Captain Charlie.

He jumped out of the creature, a look of relief spread across his face. “Ah, it’s great to see yo-”

He was cut off with an “oof” when Alph ran over and hugged him tightly. It was rather awkward, given that their helmets got in the way, but it was also still genuine.

“Captain! Thank the stars you’re alive! It took us so long to find you and Brittany was pretty sure you were dead and I was starting to worry that myself especially when your signal came out of that thing, I was for sure it had managed to kill you but you’re alive!!! You’re alive!!!” Alph spoke quickly, and part way through he had started to cry which made it even harder to understand him.

“Woah, woah... hey, hey it’s okay Alph, it’s okay...” He gently began to rub the engineer’s back. “I’m okay now... you don’t need to cry over me.”

“To think one could find love on a planet such as this

Yet here I am

Smitten and awe-struct by your bravery, your kindness, your”

Alph once again crumpled it up. “Dammit. Why can’t the words just... work?”

“What ‘cha up to?” Charlie asked as he walked closer.

Alph looked up from his work. “Oh, just some basic upgrades to the Drake’s computer. Nothing too fancy.”

“What will it do?”

“Eh, just make things run more smoothly on a software level. Useful, but nothing too big.”

Charlie looked at the code work Alph had done. “Really? I thought the Drake’s computer ran just fine.”

“Oh, it did. But it could be better. See, the Drake’s computer ran on code based on the work of Eric Rinnal, who then became famous for his work. That basic “Rinnal” type code has been used in all Koppait space craft sense. And it works well! Really well! But it has some flaws. See, Rinnal’s work was based off of Halbert Trenok’s own work in the field. And Trenok’s work... it was good, and it was super useful and amazing back in his day. But that’s the thing – back in his day! It’s quite outdated now. Rinnal was able to fix most quirks that Trenok’s system had but there’s still a few little wrinkles that could be ironed out. You know, that’s why REKO model ships are infamous for being so awful – they still run on the Trenok system! I mean, it works, I guess, but-” Alph stopped himself midsentence when he saw the bewildered look on Charlie’s face. “O-Oh... sorry if I was being kind of annoying there.”

“You were not being annoying.” Charlie quickly insisted. “You were sharing your interest. I couldn’t quite follow but that’s no reason to feel bad.”

Alph smiled a little. “Oh... thanks.”

“Now how about you tell me exactly how this Tree-nook's stuff was out dated, hm?”

“Trenok.” Alph corrected. “And... I’m not sure if I can word it in a way that would be easy to understand.”

“So? Just keep talking. I’ll keep listening.”

Alph smiled more, and reaching back into his college days he began to explain (and quite frankly, heavily criticize) the Trenok system of space craft code.

“You listen. You listen and you care,

Oh Charlie,

How could I not love you?”

Alph stared at the page. Maybe this? He sighed and leaned his head into his hand. It was a start.

Alph laid awake in his bed, overcome with a strong realization. He couldn’t fall asleep, not after this.

He loved him.

How Alph didn’t realize this sooner, he did not know. He thought about him constantly, he felt a nervous happiness when around him, hell he wrote a damn poem about the guy. Any yet he kept trying to convince himself that he just looked up to him? No.

He loved him.

He loved him so much that it hurt.

What was he supposed to do about it? They were fighting for their life on an alien planet – he couldn’t be distracted by this. And that wasn’t even counting the numerous other issues. Did the captain even like men at all? Would he consider a captain–crew relationship to be too unprofessional? Stars forbid that he’d see a gay relationship taboo. What if the captain simply didn’t like him? What if he was rejected?

Alph curled up into a tight ball. He had to tell him. He had to. He loved him.

But at the very least, it would have to wait. People were depending on them back home, and he couldn’t distract himself or the captain with whatever outcome the confession would have.

But... it would hurt so much until then.

Alph kept staring at the paper in frustration, unable to come up with anything else. He eventually crumpled it up too, and threw it at his door. He laid his head down on his desk. This wasn’t working. None of his ideas were working.

He heard a knock at the door.

“I’m not feeling well.” Alph replied. He didn’t exactly want to deal with any of the others right now.

The door opened anyways. “Alph? What’s wrong? I can get you some medicine.” Charlie’s voice rang through the room.

Alph jumped up a bit. Oh stars, he was the last person he wanted to see. “Oh... I... I’m just burnt out is all.” He looked away from the captain again. “I think I just need to call it an early night.”

“Struggling with your poems?”

“Yeah...”

A pause, then “Well, let me look at this one. Maybe I can help?”

Alph’s eyes widened and he quickly stood up to stop the captain. But it was too late, he had already uncrumpled the page and was reading it. It had only taken him a short moment to finish it, being only three lines long, and then he looked up and locked eyes with Alph.

That was it then, huh? His heart had been exposed to the captain, and was laying out there bleeding. Alph could only lean his ears back and cling to his desk least he fall over.

“Alph...” Charlie’s words were soft, kind. “Alph, you don’t need to be afraid.” He was suddenly much closer now, and held out a hand to the shorter koppait. Alph looked at it, then at Charlie who seemed to be genuinely concerned. Alph elected to just hug him instead.

He wanted to cry. He wanted to cry into the captain’s shoulder and let his worries fade away. But he didn’t. He just stood there as Charlie gently rubbed his back. The captain said some things that Alph couldn’t fully process, but it all seemed to be an effort to calm him down.

After a few moments, he could hear the captain say his name clearly. He looked up at him. “Yes, Charlie?”

“Alph I... a lot has happened over the course of this mission. And I can’t fully understand most of it yet.”

Alph’s ears leaned back. Was he being rejected?

“I don’t know how I feel about you – about this. I’d need time to think it over.”

Alph sighed as he looked down. So no, not a rejection. But not an acceptance either. “I... I understand.”

“Thank you, Alph.” The Captain pulled away a little. “I can promise you only this; I won’t leave you in the dark about whatever my choice is, regardless of what I choose.”

Alph nodded.

Well, at least he had that?

----------

It had been a little under a week now. They had just left Hocotate, and were now heading to koppai. It should realistically only take a few hours.

Alph was in his room again, writing some things down again. He was having a much easier time with it, given it was just about nature and not something as weird as love. Once again, he heard a knock at his door.

“Come on in.” he replied.

Charlie entered the room. “Hey, uh, I had something to ask of you.”

Alph felt his stomach tighten. He couldn’t help it, he felt like he was going to burst from his pent-up emotions. Yet the captain knew about them, and that somehow made it worse. “Y-yeah?”

“It, uh... It’s also related to what... what I found out before.”

Alph’s stomach grew even tighter. “O-Oh...”

“Basically, once we’re back on Koppai, and once the media is done parading us around would... would you still be interested in going out for some dinner with me?”

Alph’s eyes widened a bit as his heart raced. “Yes!” he squeaked out just a little too quickly.

Charlie smiled. “Oh! Well then... I guess we can figure out the details once we’re home. Does that sound alright?”

Alph had already stood up and was walking to Charlie. “Yeah! Yeah that’s good.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow and sighed. “Alright, I know what you want.” he said as he held his arms out. Alph immediately clinged onto him, and Charlie hugged him back. The two stood like that for a good few moments before Alph pulled away a little to look up at Charlie. He was going to say something, but forgot what it was he wanted to say. He and Charlie just stared at each other for a moment, before the taller man gently leaned down and kissed his cheek. Alph squeaked, his face a bright red.

“We’ll be back on Koppai very soon.” Charlie explained. “So go ahead and get ready, okay?”

Alph nodded as Charlie slipped away and left the room. He would get ready, but it’d be hard to focus.

He was really doing it! He was really going to go on a date with Charlie!

#pikmin #pikmin 3 #pikmin fan fic #pikmin alph #pikmin charlie #chalph #alph x charlie #cross posted on ao3

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