#but ask and ye shall fucking receive

[zoophagist]

Re-sent the guest ask, been going through your posts and I honestly want to know more about the Renfield milk???? Like...??? Is it something familiars do in the "Book of Renfield" lore? Is it just his meds (idk if opiates cause spontaneous lactation tho, it's more of a modern day antipsychotics side-effect)? Like I'm intrigued, man.

ooc;; yes, thank you, it's in the queue! should post shortly!

oh, the renfield milk... i'm... man if only it were as logical as any of that. no, silly, it foams from his mouth in a blood mixture when he's frenzied! 🙃 i cannot stress enough how wild some of the shit in this book is. (someday, when i post more of the audiobook project, then you'll all know...) i'm putting the explanation under a cut because... i don't know how to tag this but it's SOME kind of horror or trigger. read with that in mind.

so. i'm not going to be able to explain this without inciting like 5 other questions i'm sure, but let me try to give the briefest, most direct answer i can. the book is framed as seward's uncensored patient file on renfield, seward POV aside from renfield’s oral history. seward never figures out the true cause of this episode, so we never know it either, but it happens only once, at the end of an interview with renfield in which he relives the first time he ingested vampiric blood. and the vampire that feeds him is a mother figure that lets him (a roughly 12 year old) drink her breast milk. (please, i can feel the questions, please try to stay focused.) but the milk becomes blood as he drinks. when renfield recounts this story, he goes into some kind of fit. in its aftermath, seward tells his diary:

"there was something ominous about his calm, and as i looked upon his sudden suspension of activity with concern, i stared with amazement as his lips parted and a long thread of viscous pink fluid spilled from the edge of his mouth.

at my summoning, the attendants returned the patient to his room. i collected a sample of his sputum from the floor which, upon later analysis, proved to be what rational science would never permit it to be: a spontaneous generation of blood and human milk. the substance was rich in fats and nutrients. was renfield able to generate this fluid at will, or only when reminiscing (fantasising?) about this wish fulfilled? If so, it would certainly explain how he had managed to sustain his bulk in his time here, while disdaining our meals."

... again. we never given an explanation of how this happens. i have NO idea what good ol' tim lucas intended, but i personally like to read this as a gruesome little consequence of telling the doctor Too Much. renfield (in tbor and dracula both) implies he's not capable of speaking out against dracula when it's most needed, and while one could certainly parse that as 'he feels his hands are tied' i like to read it as 'he physically cannot speak some truths against the count's will' (backed up, in my opinion, by mina needing to be hypnotized to tell the gang what she knows about dracula's boat trip).

so i think there should be some kind of inhibiting consequences for renfield trying to work past that block and speak the truth. (sometimes i write moments like this with him having sudden pains, migraines, or feeling sick or overcome by terror.) but in this section from tbor he has crossed a line and finally recounted something explicitly vampiric, even if he doesn't use the word. directly before what i quoted above, the text describes that as renfield struggles to get these words out his tone is "a deeply masochistic one; he grunted the words, through his nose and mouth, as though every few words were a chunk of meat he had to tear from his own wincing torso," and when he finishes recounting this, he calms "as if in blessed relief that the pain of that bodily abuse had finally stopped," then the blood/milk drool comes. it reads as if he’s trying very hard to fight through this to tell seward what happened, and is relieved because he was able to get through it. so i love imagining that this is the kind of fucked up, horrible thing that can happen to renfield if he speaks vampire secrets. the blood (/milk) he drank is a pact that bound him to that bride and to dracula (they're potentially the same person. no, no off-topic questions, i said stay focused!) and so if he acts disloyally that pact surges back up viscerally to silence him. maybe he could even lose that blood or that bond in some kind of horrible vomiting episode if he truly betrayed dracula? i just think the horror of that is really fucking cool, and would motivate why renfield never otherwise (in either stoker or lucas) gets so close to revealing the truth about vampires.

ANYWAY, that's what the milk thing is. hope this helps :)

[morningstargirl666]

hi! do you have any long canon klaroline fic recommendations?

i’m missing klaroline and actual canon isn’t gonna cut it

I'm going to assume by long fics you mean multichaps? I've always found this fandom seems to be lacking in them, and I'm not talking about the 5-10 chapter fics --- I mean the long ass, epic-length fics that transport you to another dimension and rob you of nine hours of your life in a back-alley because you couldn't close the ao3 page at 1am. Other fandoms seem to have dozens of them but klaroline? Not so much. Writers here seem to prefer the 50k one-shots or playing with a different AU altogether, which is fantastic of course, but sometimes you crave something different, you know? Something you can lose youself in. It's what made me write TBBW, initially. However, that doesn't mean the fandom doesn't have some canon-divergent gems.

Epic-Length Wonders:

Red Queen by KS_Caster / @ks-caster

3-Part Series, Over 200k+ words. Season 4 Canon-Divergent. The last part is a WIP. I absolutely adored this fic when I first read it and I still adore it now. Klaus puts Caroline first and continues to put her first during the search for Silas' cure and it is fucking amazing. The werewolf/hybrid world building in the second fic inspired me to write more fics like it. It's not had as much attention since it was moved to AO3, but trust me, this fic is a hidden gem.

Wicked Schemes by willowaus / @willowaus

30 Chapters, 260k+ words. Season 1 TO Canon-Divergent. Ignores the baby plot. Caroline inherits the powers of a harbringer and the way its weaved into the fic so flawlessly makes you question if it wasn't just canon to begin with. Honestly epic world building. Wolf!Klaus also makes an appearance! A true klaroline classic.

make them bow. by for_darkness_shows_the_stars / @stars-and-darkness

35 Chapters, 220k+ words. Season 1 Canon-Divergent. Klaus is dropped into season one while Caroline is still human. Klefan bromance. Damon retribution. Forbes family dynamics. Klaus covered in blood. Council Members and Founding Family warfare. There's a reason this is the most commented-on fic in the entire fandom even though it's barely been out a year.

Binge-In-One-Sitting Multichaps:

Til I Tasted You by KiryTheStitchWitch / @kirythestitchwitch

4 Chapters, 22k. Canon Divergent/Soulmate AU. Will ruin you with single most devastating declaration of love in existence, forewarning you now.

throw roses into the abyss by marxandangels / @marxandangels

7 Chapters, 99k+. WIP. Technically Season 6 Canon-Divergent (after Liz dies) but ignores canon for the most part, especially TO wise. Explores the concept of humanity-less vampires so well, with a dash of world building on the side. Klaus and Caroline's relationship is also explored with such nuance --- like these two aren't just attracted to each other but entwined by their very souls, kind of nuanced. Oh, and the bloodsharing scene drawn by here by @stardust414 lives rent-free in my mind.

Someone's First Choice by unpublishednovelist

10 Chapters, 29k+. Post-Canon. This one's a WIP but I'm keeping my eye on it because it's good. Like hella good. Caroline decides to say fuck it and goes with some college friends to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, accomadation covered by our favourite Original hybrid. She breaks up with Tyler over voicemail. Queen shit.

All I Need by emeraldvixen

14 Chapters, 60k, E rated. Canon-Divergent/Wolf Mate AU. In the mood for some hot and steamy smut? Emeraldvixen's got you covered.

the fate makes for a lousy poet by for_darkness_shows_the_stars / @stars-and-darkness

7 Chapters, 50k+. Season 3 Canon-Divergent/Soulmate AU. The Originals in pajamas. Need I say more?

Who put Bella down the Wynch Elm? by for_darkness_shows_the_stars / @stars-and-darkness

7 Chapters, 60k+. Post-Canon. A murder mystery whodunnit with original side characters and Caroline in all her bad ass glory, after she's left Mystic Falls and its hellmouth-worthy shenanigans. Just - for a minute - imagine canon expanded on the tvd universe and revisted the fact the Originals are little more than nightmarish stories in the supernatural world, or that Stefan is the most infamous mass murderer on the east coast and maybe you'll understand how amazing this fic is.

Important to note these were all specifically Canon-Divergent multichaps. There's plenty more gems out there, just for different AUs and lengths. I also only looked at my ao3 bookmarks for this, so like, I'm probably forgetting several.

[starry-eyed-fag]

"I do not pass. I am never seen as a cis man in real life." Skill issue. "I simply do not benefit from cis male privilege, and cis women oppress me." Not true. You're seen as a man on here, are you not? I perceive you as a man. I think the most manlike thing about you, actually, is your toxic need to punch down on trans women. I will say, it is very feminine to be such a big fucking pussy and trying to avoid privilege sooo god damn hard so you might want to try cutting that out if you want to pass in the future.

SEND THESE TO MY DISCOURSE SIDEBLOG I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD: @political-faggotry

(also i apologize to my fob followers for this anon being so annoying)

I am done being patient with you lot. You're telling me, a transmasc nonbinary person, that me not having access to hormones is a skill issue. Me suffering from dysphoria is a fucking skill issue? You dipshits are so terminally online you can't even conceptualize a person who experiences any form of oppression outside of "these people were mean to me on Tumblr." Transmascs face actual violence in real life and not only do you deny it, you just call us misogynists for speaking out about it.

You people claim to perceive me as a man but actually you are doing exactly what every transphobe does. In your eyes, I am a woman when it is convenient to you and when you are able to weaponize misogyny against me, and I am suddenly a privileged male whenever I call you people out on it. Your crowd regularly spreads TERF rhetoric (not "terf rhetoric" as in anything i don't like, but terf rhetoric as in things terfs have actually said) by acting like people like me transition to gain male privilege.

It might be news to you that identifying as a man, instead of helping one escape misogyny, actually makes the misogyny worse. THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THE WORD TRANSANDROPHOBIA!!! TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT THAT!!! AN INTERSECTION BETWEEN TRANSPHOBIA AND MISOGYNY!!! DIRECTED TOWARDS TRANSMASCS!!!

I am tired of experiencing misogyny in real life and being called a misogynist by you guys for fucking talking about it.

Why the hell are you accusing me of punching down at trans women? None of this has anything to do with trans women. Trans women have discussions about transmisogyny and I fully support that! Not everything has to be about trans women all the time. Trans men are not some sort of footnote when talking about trans oppression. We are simply subject to more erasure and more invisibility than trans women, which means that WE NEED AWARENESS.

Plenty of trans women support the transandrophobia discussions. Ironically, the people most obsessed with denying that transmascs face oppression are other transmascs who have internalized transandrophobia to the point where they deny that it even exists. While that still sucks, being able to deny transandrophobia's existence while being a transmasc means that you come from a place of privilege.

I do not experience privilege over cis women, given that all other axes of oppression are the same. If you did a few minutes of research you would find many examples of trans men being mistreated and assaulted by cis women.

I EXPERIENCE MISOGYNY AND YOU'RE MAD AT ME FOR BEING A LITTLE TOO ANGRY ABOUT IT?

[gaily-daily-musings]

Fake amnesia! ( what do you think who would do it sooner Anakin or Obi-Wan)

I'm just imagining teen Anakin pretending to get amnesia to get out of things like chores and stuff. He would be SO annoying about it too. Like he'll purposefully fall in lightsaber training and give Obi-Wan a heart attack only to wake up and say in a very theatric holo-drama worthy voice, “Where am I?? Who are you???”

And Obi-Wan would just be standing over him with a flattened face like, “Anakin you're not getting out of laundry duty! That's the third time you've pretended to get amnesia this week!”

And then he decides to ground Anakin from holo-dramas because clearly that's where he's getting all these stupid ideas. Anakin does not like this. 🙃

-

On the flip side, would Obi-Wan ever fake it? I imagine it would be related to their first kiss or something.

During a mission something goes wrong and Obi-Wan thinks they're going to die so he confesses his feelings and they share a kiss. He gets injured and blacks out. He wakes in the infirmary to a worried Anakin.

“What's the last thing you remember?” Anakin asks.

Obi-Wan lies. He feigns memory loss and tries to shove the whole thing under the rug. Because here's the thing, he knows Anakin is with Padme. Anakin probably only kissed him back because he was caught up in the moment. And he certainly doesn't return his feelings. Obi-Wan doesn't want to come between them so honestly this is just for the best.

Except now Anakin is angry with him and Obi-Wan doesn't know why he thought he was giving him an easy out?

[dear-mrs-otome]

Emma: Asshole (affectionately)

[wednesdaythesecond]

Being edge isn't a flex when this is how you are completely sober. Smoke some weed, take a shot or two, it really won't hurt once. Give therapy another try and actually be honest about what you're doing in your spare time. I hope that one day you'll wake up and decide to stop acting like these real people are just toys to play make believe with

no, actually i don't think i will do any of that. being straight edge fucking rules and so does rpf

[jasperoni13]

I have Jack The Ripper by Motörhead blasting on repeat and I have no regrets.

I thank this little fucker

[misteria247]

I got one better than mutant pocalypse.

2003 Donnie in the future from the episode Same As It Never Was.

His brothers are arguing and he’s sick of hearing it. Mikey just lost his arm and Raph and Leo won’t stop arguing. He needs to get out for a little bit. Mike will be fine for a little while.

When he’s out he doesn’t realize he’s being followed until it’s too late. At first he doesn’t realize what happened, until he turns to see the foot soldier behind him. The soldier walks THROUGH him and picks up a body… a green body with a purple… bandana…

He stares as the soldier takes his own body away. He runs. He runs home as fast as he can. The jumps feel a little too easy, he’s moving a little faster than he should be able to. He can’t feel the gravel and rooftops under his feet.

When he arrives at the lair nobody sees him. Nobody can. He tries to make himself seen. He tries to communicate. He tries EVERYTHING.

Nothing works.

Years pass, and his brothers age but he doesn’t. He’s 18 indefinitely. He watches helplessly as Shredder takes over. He watches his brothers grow apart. When Splinter dies, he’s no longer alone. He has his father to accompany him as a ghost.

Then a strange thing happens, and he sees his body again. But it’s moving. It’s him but it’s not him. It’s another him. Mikey is cold towards him. His brothers think he abandoned them. He would never abandon them.

He can’t protect his brothers anymore during the final battle. They’re killed one by one. He can’t protect them, but when they wake and see him he hugs them, each and every one of them tightly. He cries. He’s missed them.

So so much

Yesssssss this too! SAINW also is a concept I wanna play around with one day cuz as you've shared it absolutely fucking hurts hahahahaha :'D

[tiktaaliker]

does the petty crimes crew buy from the crime store

no because you DONT BUY FROM THE CRIME STORE!!!!!

[arianimates]

ARI YOU SEE ME AS A BIG NAME??? (re. that poll post)

Yes

[ehlnofay]

pondering posting another piece soon... in my head it's a toss-up between an experiment with writing martin's perspective and one of pax and sheogorath's many normal interactions. but I can't decide beyond that so please tell me which one you'd rather see

[franciskirkland]

François and Arthur are always fighting and making up. Is that foreplay? I need light on this subject because that sounds exhausting.

sometimes it is sometimes arthur is just being a proper british gentleman (domestic abuser coded) their relationship IS exhausting.

[wednesdaythesecond]

HEYYY HI <3 pls... speak more on ur petekey double suicide or mutual murder ideas Im so crazy for this - argyle

They're like the poser couple from your high school who said they were Sid and Nancy and made you hope they didn't know what that meant. They're getting married at the end of warped tour and move in together without telling anyone. Gerard wants to be happy for Mikey but warns him that he needs to be careful, especially since Pete is kinda :/ and Patrick straight up tells Pete that this is stupid decision. But Pete's like "don't you want me to be happy? I thought you wanted me to be happy :(((" so everyone drops it. For now.

And Pete and Mikey are sooooo happy. Or at least manic and riding on the high of a new marriage and actual drugs. But they're in love, they're sooooo in love <333 they don't know anything about each other but they're in love and it's perfect!!!

Until Pete starts getting pissy when Mikey spends too much time with Gerard and Mikey sleeps in a different room than Pete when he's annoyed at him. Until they only talk when they're fighting or fucking. Until their fights end with Pete threatening suicide and Mikey saying that he knows Pete won't actually do it because he's too obsessed with himself.

But they're so in love, trust <3 or maybe they're just terrified of being alone and the "I told you so" that'll come with it. But their relationship is so great when they're both too high or horny or manic to see how completely horrible they are for each other.

Also um.

I think their chosen method of double suicide would be helping slit each other's wrists. And then all all blood gets mixed together and you can't tell whose is whose. Real romantic shit.

[jasperoni13]

Never fucking mind 💀

Literally woke up to a suspended account and idk what the hell broke the rules. But dw I appealed it and if it don't work I'll open up another one. Mark my words yall WILL be getting stickers, one way or another.

[misteria247]

*politely break through your window*

Ok so ever since the Mutant Mayhem trailer dropped and we got to see our new anxiety ridden Leo I’ve just had the constant image of he and 12 or ShellShock Leo talking with him!

12 Leo in general is a good soundboard for venting since he’d be one to try and relate in order to open up more. And ShellShock Leo being 30 years old crossover wise he’d just. Be so worried and caring for this much younger alternate self. I made a joke a while ago about how ShellShock Leo would be the only one to not really have a kid since he has his nephews. Raph and Mona have the boys, Donnie later down the line is a secondary father figure to Venus, and Mikey later adopts a little Lita!

But the minute ShellShock Leo sees MM Leo?? He’s done for- where are the adoption papers for he and his brothers dammit!! But also MM Leo asking for leadership advice and the one thing ShellShock Leo can say is that ‘No matter what, your family will always be there. No matter of you’re fighting with them or distant from one another. Trust that they’ll be there if you ever stumble.’ Giving advice to a younger him that he’d wish he’d had!!

I’m sorry I’ve just been spiraling in ShellShock Leo and MM Leo as of late ;;

*Blinks at my politely broken window* Ah at least it wasn't rudely broken by a blue clad comatose turtle shshdhdh. Also ohmigosh yessssss-!!

Since 12 Leo is essentially your Shellshock Leo's younger self in some way he'd definitely do his absolute best to help MM Leo in anyway he can. Especially if he needs someone to vent to or ask advice on things. Though if it's advice for things that 12 Leo's not quite sure of he'll definitely send MM Leo to Shellshock Leo given that he's so much older and wiser than 12 Leo is. (That and 12 Leo may or may not somewhat look up to Shellshock Leo in certain areas such as his leadership role in his clan and his wisdom that he's acquired from his age. 12 Leo himself is still a child after all).

Also omfg Shellshock Leo adopting MM Leo I love that so much like I can see him being the ultimate mom/dad to this younger counterpart of himself. Like ahhhhh it's just so cute to think about and I'd kill for it now omfg!!!!

[tiktaaliker]

GUARDIANS OF GA'HOOLE!

YESSSSSSSSSS i was genuinely obsessed with guardians of ga'hoole when i was a kid. I read the entire series PLUS the wolves of the beyond series. I collected owl figurines for YEARS because of those books. genuinely still a little obsessed with the weird vocabulary those books used and how terms differed between owls/wolves/bears/etc. the fucking WORLDBUILDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!